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fd_The_L_Word_02x03

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EXT. - A JUNGLE - DAY [Wild jungle music and jungle noises are heard. Alice sits at a table, furiously typing on her laptop. We see that she's typing, over and over and over: "Dana is a friend of mine, she will do it anytime. For a nickel or a dime 50 cents for overtime. Down the cellar she will go, she will strip from head to toe. Dana is a friend of mine..."] [Suddenly, Tonya puts her hand on Alice's shoulder. Alice's eyes get huge.] Alice: (gasps) Tonya! [Tonya, in a ton of makeup and a pink nighty, sits down next to her.] Tonya: (seductively) Alice, you're a bad, bad girl. [Tonya waves her finger in Alice's face. Alice stares directly into Tonya's ample cleavage with a look of fear and confusion.] Alice: What? Why?! [Tonya grabs Alice's chin.] Tonya: (seductively) Don't lie. Tonya knows all. And she's mad... [Tonya runs a red-painted fingernail across Alice's chest.] Tonya: Do you know how to say you're sorry? [Alice, squinting her eyes shut, unties the bow on the front of Tonya's nighty.] Tonya: (seductively) That's right. If you're gonna play, don't play without the Ton-Ton. [Tonya grabs Alice and smothers her in a rough kiss. Alice flails. Tonya breaks the kiss. Her lipstick is smeared all over.] Alice: (gasping for air) What about Dana! Tonya: Shhhhh. [Tonya smooshes her finger against Alice's lips. Alice gawks.] Tonya: (hissing) Someone's hungry... [Tonya points down at Alice' lap. Alice looks down just as Dana, hiding under the table and dressed like Tonya, whips Alice's knees apart and stares up at her.] Dana: Starving! [Dana lunges forward... ] INT. - ALICE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY [ ... and Alice wakes up.] Alice: (gasps) [Opening credits.] INT. - JOYCE WISCHNIA'S OFFICE - DAY [Bert, Bette, Joyce and Tina sit around a table. Bette looks exhausted.] Joyce: Why don't you tell me what you have in mind? [Bette smiles a little at Tina.] Bert: Okay. My client and I have every intention of making this as painless as possible. We are offering to cover all living expenses for Miss Kennard including her own apartment, and an initial $10,000 dollar stipend to be disbursed any way Miss Kennard sees fit. [Tina looks at Joyce. Bette looks at Tina hopefully. Tina looks at Bert.] Joyce: Aw, c'mon, Bert. That's sweet, but short-term. We're here to talk final separation. The last hurrah. Bette: What? [Bette looks at Tina. Tina avoids her gaze.] Bert: This wasn't a marriage. Joyce: It wasn't? Well, let's see, we've got... (shuffles through papers) a house, cars, vacations, love, commitment, a promise to be true? [Bette looks like she may cry. Tina shuts her eyes.] Joyce: A baby that was lost. [Tina finally looks at Bette. This time, Bette looks away.] Joyce: A trust that was broken. I don't know about you, but that sounds like a marriage to me. (to Bette) Does that sound like a marriage to you? Bette: It was. Bert: Bette. Bette: (to Tina) It's a - it's a marriage that I don't wanna have end. Joyce: (chuckling) Yeah, well, it's a little late for that. [Bette looks impatient. She looks at Tina.] Joyce: So let's get back to the business at hand: the equitable division of funds. [Bette gets up.] Bert: I think we've got it - we - [Bert looks at Bette. Bette walks to Tina and kneels at her feet, tossing up a hand.] Bette: (to Tina) How many times do I have to say I'm sorry? Joyce: Here we go. Bette: I am. Please don't do this to us. This is not who we are. [Bette leans closer, trying to get Tina to look at her. Tina looks uncomfortable, but begins to listen.] Bette: Tina. We can fix this. Tina. Do you still love me? [Tina begins to speak but hesitates.] Bette: Do you? Do you still love me? [Tina looks down.] Bette: (whispering) Don't do this. Don't destroy us. Joyce: If I could just interject for a second here, um... (leans toward Bette and Tina) It wasn't Tina who destroyed this relationship, that was you (points at Bette). And it's a good thing to remember, as you're dealing with the consequences. Bette: (to Joyce) I am dealing with the consequences. Joyce: Well good for you, but this moment isn't about you, this moment is about Tina. And what she wants. (looks at Tina) Tina? Is this what you want? Tina: (to Bette) I - I think things need to be different. Joyce: (to Bette) Did you hear that? Bette: (to Tina, sincerely) (crying) They will be. They will be different. [Joyce gets up and walks around the table to Bette.] Joyce: So why don't you get off the floor and let her do what she wants for once, instead of you running the whole show? C'mon. [Joyce grabs Bette's arm. Bette pulls her arm away. Bert stands.] Joyce: Why don't we reschedule this at a time when everyone is feeling a little less dramatic? [Bette stands. Joyce opens the door. Bert escorts her out. Tina stares at the table. Bette glances back at her. When Joyce closes the door, Tina closes her eyes and sighs.] Joyce: Well, talk about a command performance. Meryl Streep couldn't have done it any better. EXT. - L.A. STREET - DAY [Bette looks sad. She speeds down the street.] INT. - JOYCE WISCHNIA'S OFFICE - CNTD. [Joyce sits facing Tina.] Joyce: I'm instructing you not to have any contact with her until we get this thing settled. She'll just wear you down until she gets what she wants. I've seen it a thousand times. (goes to desk) (mocking voice) "I cheated on you. Feel sorry for me. I'm in pain!" [Joyce presses the intercom on her phone.] Joyce: (phone) Hey, Emily, will you get me a protein shake? [Tina puts her face in her hands.] EXT. - L.A. STREET - CNTD. [Bette drives through traffic, crying.] INT. - JOYCE WISCHNIA'S OFFICE - CNTD. Joyce: Tina, you want anything? Tina: (upset) No, no - no thank you. (standing up, whipping her jacket off) God, I'm just so f*cking mad! [Tina throws the jacket on the chair and paces, upset.] Joyce: Good! Good! Anger will help you change your life! Now c'mon, sit down. [Tina sits down and sighs. Joyce sits in front of her.] Joyce: Okay. I want you to tell me what you need, right now. [Tina shakes her head, looking around.] Joyce: An ice cream sundae? (smiles) Foot massage? Tina: I need my own life. Joyce: Tell me what I can do to make that happen. [Joyce holds Tina's hands.] Tina: (upset) I'm having a baby. I don't have a place to live. I'm sleeping on my friend's couch. Been there for a month, I know she wants me out. I should take that deal. Joyce: (shaking head) No, no, no, no, no, no. My guest house is empty and you're going to move into it until we get the deal we want. Tina: Joyce, I can't do that. Joyce: Why not? What, you don't have luggage? Can't lift heavy things? I'll get somebody to help you. [Tina chuckles.] Joyce: You know how many of my clients have stayed in my guest house? Plenty. I'm happy to have it to offer. Tina: 'Kay. Joyce: Good girl. [Joyce pats Tina on the knee and gets up. Tina smiles a little.] EXT. - L.A. STREET - CNTD. [Bette drives down a busy street, crying. We see a stop light on green, then yellow. Bette guns the engine. The light turns red. The engine revvs. Bette crosses into oncoming traffic and slams into the side of an SUV. Her car is totaled; glass and metal go flying.] Bette: (grunts in pain) (sighs exasperated) [Cars all around them start honking. The man in the SUV, Brad Green, gets out. He angrily runs over to Bette's car. He tries to open her door, then bangs on her window.] Brad: (shouting angrily) Are you blind?! You f*cking went through a red! [In the car, Bette stares vacantly. Brad bangs on the window and tries to open the door.] Brad: (shouting) Get out of the f*cking car! (bangs on window) C'mon! [Bette's expression changes to anger.] Brad: (shouting) Get out of the car! Get out of the f*cking car! [Bette gets out, barely restrained in her anger. She towers over him. Cars honk.] Bette: You need to stop yelling. No one was hurt, I have insurance, so just shut the f*ck up, do you f*cking understand me you f*cking idiot, (shouting) or do I need to scream like you, like a f*cking insane savage?! Brad: You're gonna be one sorry bitch! [Bette grabs him by his shirt and hauls him up to her level.] Bette: (screaming angrily) What makes you think I'm not already?! What makes you think I'm not already?! INT. - THE PLANET - DAY [The place is covered in plastic sheeting. Builders are dismantling everything and carrying stuff around. Kit leads one of them through a doorway.] Kit: (pointing) Stuff there for you to do... take those two boards out. [Shane and Alice walk in.] Builder: (to another builder) Hand me that nail gun? Shane: Kit! I didn't expect it to change so much! Kit: It is gonna be a different place. I got a real sound system coming here tomorrow, and they're gonna finish the floor today, then the stage... [Kit walks a few feet away to a small stage.] Kit: The stage is always gonna be ready. We're gonna have - we're gonna have keyboards (walking back to Shane and Alice), drums, guitars, just in case a Lenny Kravitz comes into town, Sheryl Crow, Mary J. come in here and they wanna kick it and jam? They got a place. [Shane and Alice smile.] Kit: And I got a jazz quartet for the opening night, man, they're the bomb! (grins) Alice: A jazz quartet? Kit: Mm-hmm! [Shane looks around.] Alice: Kit! This is... West Hollywood, this is Gay Town! You - gotta give the girlies what they want. Kit: (scoffs) Well, I can't change that now, that's Mason Ray, you know, he was with the Velvets and the Sheffields... y'all heard of him, right? [Alice and Shane shake their heads.] Shane: No. [Kit paces.] Kit: (groans) Alice: No, no, no, it's gonna - it's totally gonna be okay. Shane: Look, Kit, I swear, it's not that big of a deal. [Kit frowns.] Shane: Listen - no. People like that music. They do. Kit: Not the people that come in here. I mean, you know, (looking at Alice) she's right. You know, I'm not playing to my core audience. Alice: We'll find you someone. (looks at Shane) I know! I know! (looks at Kit) Pink! (looks at Shane) Pink! She's in town! Shane: Al, how are you gonna get Pink. Alice: Well, we've gotta know a lesbian who knows a lesbian - [Kit rolls her eyes. Shane grins and shakes her head.] Alice: - who knows another one who knows her. I mean, we could get to her. Right? Shane: Yeah. Alice: She would love to play here! Kit: That's not gonna happen. Alice: Kit, believe in the power of the lesbian phone tree. [Shane giggles.] Kit: I need something solid. (sighs) Shane: Wait, um - I know someone who's a DJ. And she's excellent, but I know that's not what you're looking - Kit: No, I'll, no - I'll take it. I will definitely take it. And she better be good. Shane: She is. INT. - CHARLOTTE BIRCH'S CLASSROOM - DAY [Charlotte sits at a table, working on her lesson plans. Jenny peers through the window in the door, and knocks. After a couple of seconds, she enters.] Jenny: Miss Birch? Charlotte: Yes? Jenny: Uh... (sitting) My - my name is Jennifer Schecter. Um. I applied for your writing class? Charlotte: The class is full. You can try again next semester. Jenny: I - I - I realize that. [Jenny pulls a letter from her bag, and puts it on the table in front of Charlotte.] Jenny: But, I just actually wanted to know why I didn't get in? [Charlotte eyes the letter, then Jenny.] Charlotte: Maybe it's your self-consciousness. The schoolgirl outfit you came in here with? Am I supposed to fall for that? I want real writers in this class. Fiction writers. You don't write like that. You journal. You think because you change the circumstance and the settings, that you're creating, but you're not. And I'm not here to read the autobiography of Miss Jenny Schecter. [Charlotte sighs and goes back to her lesson plans. Jenny stares at her. Charlotte looks up.] Charlotte: Become a writer first. (raises brows) Then maybe. (nods) [Jenny looks stunned and hurt but resolute. She takes the letter back.] Jenny: Well thank you for letting me know. [Charlotte looks up at her.] Jenny: But please don't presume that you know me. [Jenny puts the letter back in her bag and walks out.] Alice: (offscreen) This is gonna be great. EXT. - JOYCE WISCHNIA'S GUEST HOUSE - DAY [Alice and Tina walk up a beautiful garden path. Tina carries a bag; Alice carries three bags and a box.] Alice: You know? I mean, the place will be all yours. You could have stayed totally as long as you wanted at my place, so you know. Tina: Stop feeling bad. You need your apartment back so you can work. Alice: Oh, I know, I'm just, you know, friends should sacrifice for each other, and I wanna sacrifice - Tina: You've already sacrificed! [They arrive.] Tina: Whoa. Is this the guest house? Alice: Okay. I officially stopped feeling bad, for sure. Tina: (chuckles) Think about the breakups that built this house. [The guest house is a huge stone cottage surrounded on all sides by plants and trees and sunlight.] Alice: Well, I mean, let's not forget she does use her powers for good. If it weren't for her, there'd be no second-parent adoptions. Tina: I don't think it was the adoptions that paid for this place. [Alice peers in the window.] Alice: Whoa! (chuckles) You're stoked. [Tina giggles. She looks under one of the potted plants and retrieves the door key.] INT. - THE PLANET - DAY [Bette and Kit are talking. Bette is depressed.] Bette: I just wanted to give this to you. The bank sent it to my house. [Bette puts an envelope on the table and strolls around the room slowly. Kit picks the envelope up and looks at Bette.] Kit: You alright? Bette: (sighs) I've been better. Kit: Me too. (sighs) Have you eaten? Bette: No. Kit: Want me to order something? Bette: I guess. Kit: I may not be able to pull this off by Friday. Half my deliveries aren't in and the sound system may not be ready - Bette: Kit. Tina is taking legal action against me. She's divorcing me and I smashed my car in an intersection, so... [Kit looks sad for Bette. Bette looks at her pitifully.] Kit: You want Mexican? Bette: (smiling a little) Sure. INT. - JENNY'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT [Jenny walks in, carrying a glass. Carmen is at the refrigerator in her underwear.] Jenny: Hi. I'm - sorry. Carmen: Oh, no, no, no, hey. That's okay. Let me ask you something. What says you care more, beer or soy milk? Jenny: Soy milk. Carmen: But that's not very sexy, though, is it? Jenny: No. Carmen: Nah. Allright, well that's what I thought. [Carmen grabs a couple of bottles of beer from the fridge.] Carmen: And there's more in the fridge if you want it, and I'm Carmen. [They shake hands.] Jenny: I'm, uh, Jenny. Carmen: I know. (laughs) [Carmen heads to Shane's bedroom.] Jenny: Nice to meet you. Carmen: Oh, uh... sorry you had to meet me in my SupahLovah Costume. Jenny: No, it's... it's nice. Carmen: (giggling) Okay. Jenny: I like it. Carmen: Good night. [Jenny goes to the fridge and starts to pour herself a glass of milk.] INT. - JENNY'S HOUSE - SHANE'S ROOM - NIGHT [Soft music plays. Shane is getting dressed. Carmen walks in with the beers.] Carmen: Hey! Shane: Hi. Carmen: You going somewhere? Shane: Um... yeah, I was... thinking of going out. Carmen: Were you. [Carmen sets the beers down and stands close to Shane.] Carmen: Uh, well, I, uh... [They kiss.] Carmen: I think you should stay. Shane: Really. Carmen: Yeah, I do. [They kiss. Carmen pushes Shane onto the bed.] Carmen: And I think you should play a game with me. Shane: Oh yeah? [Carmen sits on Shane's lap.] Carmen: Mm-hmm. This game is called... (thinks) "Too Hot." And here's how we play. We... start kissing. [They kiss.] Carmen: And we can't stop kissing. Shane: Mm. Carmen: Mm-hmm. [Shane runs her hands along Carmen's hips and butt. Carmen takes her hands away.] Carmen: But we also can't touch. No touching. [They're still kissing. Shane chuckles.] Carmen: So, then, if you touch me, then you lose. And that means I can do whatever I want. Shane: And... what happens if you touch me? [Shane puts her hands on Carmen's thighs. Carmen holds them up.] Carmen: Then... I lose. And you get to do whatever you want to me. [Shane kisses her.] Carmen: Mm. So. Are you ready? Shane: Yeah. Carmen: Okay. Hands off. [They kiss. Shane keeps her hands out to the sides. Carmen puts her hands on the back of her own neck. They continue kissing. They come close a few times to touching each other. After a few moments, Shane grabs Carmen's hips.] Carmen: (protesting) Mm! Hmm-mm! Mm! [They break the kiss and smile. Carmen takes Shane's hands.] Carmen: Wow! Lie down... bitch! [Shane leans back onto the bed.] Shane: Oh. You're so awful. [Carmen leans down. Shane grabs her shirt. Carmen hold her hand onto the bed.] Carmen: Mm. Did I say you could touch me? Shane: No. Carmen: No. And why? Shane: Because I lost. Carmen: That's right. And? [Shane touches Carmen.] Carmen: What? I didn't hear you? Shane: Because you won. Carmen: That's right. I won. Loser. [They start kissing again. Carmen starts to get up. Shane tries to follow. Carmen pins her hands on the bed again.] Carmen: Stay. Shane: (laughing) You're such a... bitch. [Carmen kisses Shane.] INT. - JENNY'S HOUSE - JENNY'S ROOM - NIGHT [Jenny sits in the dark, typing on her laptop.] Jenny: (voice over) There I was at the carnival. Life was so simple, indeed. Lots to do at the carnival. JENNY'S DAYDREAM - [A violin plays. A shot of a carnival, at night, the lights from the ferris wheel the focal point of the picture.] [Young Jenny stands in her bedroom in her nightgown, in front of her dresser mirror. She takes off her necklace.] Charlotte: (offscreen) Step right up! [Distorted voices are heard.] Voice #1: (off screen) Hurry, hurry! Voice #2: (off screen) Keep 'em coming! Voice #3: (off screen) ... bulldog... [Three young boys gather around young Jenny and start running in circles around her, sniggering.] Voice #4: See the results in a jar! [The laughter of children is heard. Jenny looks frightened of the boys. She covers her face. Panting is heard.] Jenny: (off screen) (whispering) No no no no no no... [Young Jenny turns to the mirror, picks up her diary, and throws it at the mirror. The mirror shatters.] [The scene from 2x02 "Lap Dance" replays: Young Jenny is being chased by boys through a dark house.] Voices: (warped, sing-song) Here we are, at the carnival, laughing and singing and shouting, we're shouting, shouting, we're shouting. [Young Jenny is now outside on the grass, looking up. She turns and looks behind her and sees the lights of the carnival.] [Carnival music plays. Young Jenny, in her room, climbs through the mirror and into the reflection of her room. She picks up the diary and gets in bed.] INT. - JENNY'S HOUSE - JENNY'S ROOM - NIGHT [The carnival music continues. Jenny sits in the dark, staring at the laptop, then slams it shut.] INT. - JENNY'S HOUSE - SHANE'S ROOM - NIGHT [Carmen and Shane lay in bed, naked, under the sheets, face to face.] Carmen: Tell me where you grew up. Tell me... tell me where this... [Carmen puts her hand over Shane's breast, indicating her heart.] Carmen: ... came from. (smiling) Nothing? Not gonna talk? Okay. Um. [Shane stares at her, almost sadly.] Carmen: How bout... how 'bout a hamster? (smiling) Did you ever have a hamster growing up? No? No... okay, um... [Shane smiles - just a tiny bit.] Carmen: Brother and sister. How many of those did you have? [Shane turns expressionless.] Carmen: You know what, let's start with mom and dad. (chuckles) Are they married or divorced? Do you write them, do you see them, do you... (chuckles) love them? I mean, anything - [Shane has a vague expression of pain on her face. Carmen is oblivious. Shane kisses Carmen. When the kiss is over, Carmen looks upset. Shane gets up.] Shane: I'm gonna go out. [Shane gets up out of bed and puts her pants on. Carmen sighs.] Carmen: Okay. Um. What about your tattoo. Why do you have that. [Shane looks down at her. Carmen raises her brows in an expectant manner.] Carmen: Hmm? [Shane touches the tattoo on her lower back. It's over a violin.] Shane: I like it. Carmen: Good. You like it. Great. [Carmen sits up and starts to put her clothes on.] Carmen: (sighs) You know what? Um. I guess, uh, I'm gonna be leaving. So. [Shane stares at her.] Carmen: I don't know, you know, if you have, like, house rules or something - Shane: No! I don't - there are - there are no house rules. [Carmen looks at Shane.] Carmen: Right. Right. Shane: There's not. Carmen: Okay! Shane: I... (shrugging) I don't like sleep-overs. (a beat) I'm sorry. (a beat) But I don't. Carmen: Okay! [Shane looks a little uncomfortable.] Carmen: You don't have to explain anything. It's your choice. [Shane stares at her.] Carmen: Well, get ready! [Shane buttons up her shirt.] EXT. - L'AMANDIER RESTAURANT - DAY [Valets wait to park expensive cars.] Tonya: (off screen) Love at first sight. INT. - L'AMANDIER RESTAURANT - DAY [Classical music plays. Tonya, dressed in a business suit, sits at a table with several others. Dana comes walking in, in her tennis gear.] Tonya: At the Dinah Shore weekend of all places! (sees Dana) Here comes the bride! [Tonya gets up and runs over to Dana. Dana smiles nervously at the people at the table.] Tonya: Honey! Dana: Hi, honey. [Tonya gives her a kiss.] Tonya: (kissing) Mm. Mm. Dana: What's going on? Thought it was just us. [We see, seated at a long dining table, are six others.] Tonya: Dana. Dana: Yeah? Tonya: (pointing) This is Vanessa Godson from Absolut Vodka. Dana: Hi. Tonya: You know Brian Karikawa from Subaru. Nina Alexander from Bride Magazine. We have Roman Brown from Wilson. Roman: (smiling) Hi. Tonya: Sam Counter from The Advocate. [Sam waves.] Tonya: And of course you know our business manager. Dana: Eric? Eric: (smiling) (waves) Hey, Dana. [Dana smiles just a little. She doesn't look too enthused.] Tonya: Have a seat. [Dana sits at the opposite head of the table. Tonya walks around to the other.] Tonya: Okay. Research shows our country is obsessed with weddings, especially celebrity weddings. Together, we are gonna produce an event unlike any they have ever seen. Welcome to the first-ever, corporate-sponsored, celebrity lesbian wedding! [Polite applause ensues. Dana is not impressed. Tonya takes her seat.] Tonya: (happy sigh) Now if we could all turn to page four of our packets. [Everybody picks up the packet in front of them labeled in cursive, "Dana Fairbanks Celebrity Wedding". On page four is a mock-up showing Dana and Tonya standing next to a Subaru Outback with the words "Just Married" on the back window.] Tonya: Picture this. A gleaming white Subaru with "Just Married" stenciled on the back window. Brian: Subaru Outback? (smiling) It's clever, Tonya. [Everybody smiles in agreement. Others are flipping through their packets. One page shows a mock-up cover of The Advocate showing Dana and Tonya smiling together.] Tonya: We'll have simultaneous covers on The Advocate, and Bride Magazine, each with a back page Absolut Vodka ad. [Everyone flips to the Absolut ad. It shows an illustration of Dana and Tonya at their wedding, smiling at each other. The concept reads, "Here's to a marriage not on the rocks!" Dana looks at Tonya, unsure.] Vanessa: (reading) "Here's to a marriage not on the rocks." (to Tonya) That's fantastic. Roman: And the car could be dragging Wilson tennis ball cans. Vanessa: I love it. Tonya: You read my mind, Roman. After all, it takes balls to break the law. [Everyone chuckles. Dana finally smiles and laughs.] Tonya: Dana and I won't just be making our commitment to each other. We'll be making history. Vanessa: No. Herstory. Absolut herstory. Tonya: Exactly. [Dana looks happy.] INT. - THE CALIFORNIA ARTS CENTER - BOARD ROOM - DAY [Bette sits at a table with a few others. Her boss, Franklin, is up pouring himself some water.] Bette: There are three new shows I'd like to commission. Franklin: I assume we're counting on the Peabody Foundation to underwrite some of this? Bette: Well, they have funded it for the past six years. Franklin: (sitting) Yes, but Peggy Peabody is stepping down. And, uh, her daughter Helena is taking over. Could be a whole new ballgame. Bad news, is, we don't know what Helena Peabody has in mind. Good news is that she's one of your people. [Franklin examines some photos through a lens.] Bette: One of "my people"? Franklin: Mm-hmm. Bette: What are you referring to, what, is she a Yale graduate, an art history major, is she a mulatto gal, is that what you're trying to say? Franklin: (curt) I meant she's a lesbian. Bette: And why is that a good thing? Franklin: Because I thought your paths might have crossed. It could be useful. Bette: Right. Because me and (makes air quotes) my people, we're all on a first-name basis. Franklin: May I suggest you get on one? Because if we lose that grant - Bette: (irritated) Franklin, if you want me to go to New York and make nice, I will. But please, stop panicking. I'll handle it. [James walks in.] James: (to others) Uh, excuse me. (to Bette) Uh, there's a Brad Green on the phone. He's called like fourteen times. [James walks out. Bette rolls her eyes and goes to the phone in the corner of the room. She picks it up.] Bette: (sighs) (phone) What part of "no" don't you understand, Mr. Green? I am not going to write you a blank check just because you yell like a f*cking banshee. (irritated) I need an estimate. The insurance company needs an estimate, do you see a pattern here, it's the way things are done. [The others in the room look uncomfortable. Franklin examines his photos and looks around nervously.] Bette: (phone) (sighs) Listen, you asshole, if you keep pushing me, you're gonna end up with a lawsuit on your hands, you got it? (listens) Bring it on, you f*cking dwarf. [Bette slams the phone down and walks back to her seat.] Bette: Shall we move on? [Seething, Bette gives Franklin a curt smile.] INT. - L'AMANDIER RESTAURANT - DAY [Classical music plays. The business luncheon is over and everyone has left. The business manager stays behind.] Eric: (to Dana) So. I'll cut a check for Tonya today from the corporate account. Dana: For what? Eric: Uh, her manager's fee. I think it should come from the corporate account because it's better for tax purposes. Dana: Tonya's taking a manager's fee? Eric: Well, just the standard fifteen. Is that... okay? Dana: Yeah, it's fine. No. It's fine. Eric: Okay. [Eric starts to walk off. Dana stops him.] Dana: Eric, one second. Lunch. Who... who paid for lunch? Eric: Oh. We'll take it out of corporate. [Eric walks off. He passes Tonya on the way out.] Dana: Corporate. Of course. Eric: Great job, Tonya. Tonya: Thanks. (to Tonya) I have to go. The Monistat rep couldn't make it to lunch, so I'm gonna go pitch her now, okay? [Tonya leans in for a kiss. Dana doesn't respond.] Tonya: You okay? Dana: You told Eric to pay you a 15% manager's fee? Tonya: Is that bad? Dana: Are you my fianc e, Tonya, or are you my manager? Tonya: I'm both. (a beat) Dana, don't get so upset. We talked about this. Dana: No, we never talked about this. Tonya: Are - are you - am I not doing enough? Do you think I haven't earned 15%? Dana: No - you've done - you've done a lot. Tonya: Hey. I love to do it, and I'm good at it. And you need a manager. Would it make you feel better to get somebody else, because I can brief them on everything we have going on - Dana: No, no, no, no, don't, it's fine. I'm just surprised, okay. Tonya: I could swear we talked about this. I think you are training too hard. [Dana smiles.] Tonya: (sweetly) I have to dash. I love you. [Tonya kisses Dana.] Tonya: Okay. [Tonya walks away. Dana's smile fades.] INT. - ALICE'S APARTMENT - DAY [Alice is cleaning under the sofa with a feather duster. "Hold Me Now" by the Thompson Twins is blasting on her stereo. She has a Bior strip across her nose. The intercom buzzes.] [She jogs to the stereo, changes to slower music, and jogs down the hall to the intercom.] Alice: Hello? Dana: (intercom) It's me. [Alice stops. She thinks for a second.] Alice: Are you here to complain about your fianc e? [There's a long pause.] Dana: (intercom) No. [Alice flips the button to speak, but then flips it off, not sure what to say.] Dana: (intercom) She's taking 15% of my earnings, Al. [Alice thinks for a moment. She dusts the intercom. After a moment, she buzzes Dana in, then jogs back down the hallway. At the end of the hallway, the intercom buzzes again. Alice slides on the rug and runs back.] Alice: Yeah, what's going on? Dana: (intercom) I can't come up. Alice: Why? Dana: (intercom) The rules, Al! Alice: Just - we'll figure something out! [Alice buzzes Dana in again. She runs down the hallway, and slides on the rug again when she tries to stop and catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She rips off the Bior strip.] Alice: Augh! [Alice runs into the living room.] MOMENTS LATER - [Alice and Dana stand in the doorway.] Alice: You're just gonna let her take 15% of your income? Dana: What can I do? Al? Alice: Fire her! [Dana sighs and rubs her temples.] Alice: Dana, you're marrying an endorsement slip! But... I can't believe she got you all those deals, though. Dana: That is pretty incredible, actually. Alice: Well, if - if you wanna auction off your love to the highest bidder, it is. Dana: It's her job, Al. Alice: It's her job now because you always let her get her way. It's weird. [Dana puts her face in her palms.] Alice: Look out. [Alice's neighbor, Patty, walks past. Alice moves Dana out of the way.] Alice: Hey, Patty. Patty: Hey. [Patty enters her own apartment. Alice and Dana now lean against the door frame, facing each other.] Alice: (to Dana) She's got you brainwashed. Dana: No she doesn't. Alice: Don't you think... (raises brows) just a little? Dana: (thinking) Maybe a little. [Soft, sexy music plays from Alice's apartment. Alice and Dana stare at each other. Dana smiles shyly.] Dana: Your skin looks really good. Alice: (grinning) I - really? (giggling) Well, I was just... (waves) forget it. (smiling) Well, you look really good, too. Dana: (grins) Thanks. [They smile at each other.] Dana: My - feel my thighs, they're getting stronger. [Alice reaches down and feels of Dana's thigh.] Alice: Wow. Dana: Yeah. [Dana leans in a little closer.] Alice: Yeah - they're tight. Tighter. They're tight! [Alice giggles and blushes. Another neighbor, this one carrying a dog, walks past. Dana and Alice stare at each other. Dana glances over at Alice's open bedroom door, with the bed visible just inside. Alice follows her gaze. They look at each other again. After a moment, Dana raises a brow.] Alice: You going to Shane's? Tonight? Dana: Yeah. Alice: (smiling) Cool! Dana: Uh-huh. Alice: Is Tonya coming? Dana: Yeah. [Alice starts back into the hallway, signaling the conversation should end.] Alice: 'Kay. I'm gonna get back cleaning. I was cleaning. So, I'm just... [Alice closes the door as Dana walks off.] [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. - CHARLOTTE BIRCH'S BUILDING - NIGHT [Charlotte is walking to her car. Jenny approaches.] Jenny: I rewrote my submission. Charlotte: I already told you, the class is full. Jenny: But I did what you said. I turned it into fiction. I want you to read it, and I want you to tell me if you think that I haven't. Charlotte: I'm not opening this car until you're gone. Jenny: This... means more to me than you can imagine. And I know that you can make me a better writer. [Jenny puts her paper on the windshield of Charlotte's car.] Jenny: You have already. [Jenny walks off. Charlotte picks up the paper, looking a little peeved.] INT. - JENNY'S HOUSE - LIVINGROOM - NIGHT [Alice, Shane, Tonya and Dana are hanging out in the living room. Music plays. Alice is on her laptop, looking at the infamous chart. Her cell phone rings. She answers.] INT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT [Kit paces. People work in the background.] Kit: (phone to Alice) Hey girl, just checking in, see how you're progressing with getting Pink. Yeah, I talked to some people. They're really excited about the possibility of, uh, her performing. INT. - JENNY'S HOUSE - LIVINGROOM - CNTD. Alice: (phone) Yeah. No, I know - I know - [Tonya shakes her head.] INT. - THE PLANET - CNTD. Kit: (phone) I'm really countin' on the tree, you know. Don't let me down. INT. - JENNY'S HOUSE - LIVINGROOM - CNTD. Alice: (phone) I'm still trying, Kit. Yeah. Okay. I know. Okay. I'm really sorry. Okay, sorry. Allright. [Shane shakes her head.] INT. - THE PLANET - CNTD. Kit: (hangs up) I'm too old for this sh1t, man! INT. - JENNY'S HOUSE - LIVINGROOM - CNTD. Alice: Okay, you guys. We've gotta know someone who knows Pink. Gillian! What about Gillian? [Gillian's name lights up on Alice's chart.] Shane: Nah, Gillian got married and moved to Costa Rica or something. Alice: So she's not even talking to Dorothy? [Dorothy's name, connected to Gillian's, lights up.] Shane: (laughing) No! Definitely not. Tonya: Why don't you just phone her agent? Dana: Because that would be too easy. [Alice shoots Dana a piercing look.] Shane: (laughing) You never should have promised Kit you'd get Pink. Alice: I know. Thanks. [Alice closes the laptop. Jenny walks in the front door.] Jenny: Hey! Hi! [Everyone says hi.] Shane: Oh, Jenny, I'm sorry - I thought you were working late. Jenny: No. Shane: We can go, though. Jenny: No, no, no, don't. I, uh, I skipped my shift. Thank you. I was running an errand. Tonya: Alice was complaining that there weren't enough interesting, single women in L.A. Alice: She's not single. She - (to Jenny) you're seeing Robin, right? Jenny: No, we actually... we broke up. Alice: Wow. So you're single! Jenny: Mm-hmm. [Alice looks over at Dana as she gets comfortable next to Jenny.] Alice: Wow. What happened? [Dana looks irritated. Tonya notices. Shane notices.] Jenny: Um. I don't know. Um. She's smart, and she's sexy, and she's great. Alice: But she brought a U-Haul to the second date. [Shane smiles.] Jenny: Oh, god, did you talk to her? Alice: (laughing) No. [Everybody laughs.] Alice: No, it's - moving in after a second date - classic lesbian move. (to Tonya) Right, Tonya? Tonya: Something good doesn't stay on the shelf long in this community, Alice. [The back door opens. Bette enters. She's carrying a glass of alcohol.] [Alice glares at Tonya.] [Bette enters the living room.] Bette: (smiling) (tipsy) Well, everyone's having such a good time. Shane: Hey Bette! Alice: Hi Bette! Dana: Hi! [Bette moves slowly, and her speech is a little slurred.] Bette: I thought I would invite myself since no one bothers to anymore. [Shane jumps up and moves a chair over from the corner.] Bette: (speaking slowly) Would anyone mind if I sit, or is everyone suddenly gonna remember some place that they have to be? Alice: Bette, nobody's avoiding you, we all love you. [Bette sits and smiles at Alice.] Bette: Especially you, Alice. Alice: (smiling) I do. Actually. It... hasn't been easy. Nobody likes choosing sides. Bette: But you do it so well. Shane: C'mon, Bette. Bette: Is it time for me to shut up? Shane: No, it's... no. We're here... to have a good time. So. Let's do that. Bette: Mkay. Okay. [Nobody's having a good time anymore. Jenny smiles at Bette. Bette doesn't seem to notice; she's got a thousand-yard stare. After several moments, Tonya looks around.] Tonya: (chuckling) This is really awkward. I always think when things get this bad that it's best to change the subject. [Bette takes a drink. Alice sighs at Tonya in exasperation.] Tonya: So, I'm gonna ask a question and everybody can take turns answering. Um... okay. The question's gonna be... if you saw yourself at a bar, would you ask yourself out? I'll go first. (clears throat) I think... if I saw myself... [Alice and Jenny smile at each other.] Tonya: ... that, just for a minute, I'd think my thighs were too big. And then I'd decide that I like that. (laughs) [Tonya nuzzles Dana playfully. Alice watches. Dana seems to pull away from Tonya just a little.] Tonya: Okay, so you go next. Honey? Why don't you go. Dana: I think I would wanna ask myself out. Alice: It would nnnever happen 'cause you wouldn't have the balls to ask yourself out. [Dana gives Alice a 'f*ck you' look. Shane looks at Alice. Tonya looks down, almost as if a light bulb has gone on over her head.] Shane: Well, I would f*ck myself... but I wouldn't date myself. Jenny: 'Cause you wouldn't do that? Alice: It's her house rules. Shane: Al, would you answer the question? Alice: Okay. It's a stupid question but okay. Whatever. [Tonya looks a hurt and pissed.] Alice: Okay, I don't know, I would think that I was hysterical and charming, but I don't think I'd go there. (shrugs) Dana: Something tells me you would. [Alice and Dana glare at one another. Tonya looks at them.] Tonya: Okay - what is going on with you two, you're totally on each other. [Dana fidgets with her engagement ring.] Dana: Jenny hasn't answered. Jenny: Um, I think that if I were a guy, I would definitely ask myself out as a woman, and if I were a woman there's no f*cking way that I would ever ask myself out as a woman. [Everybody laughs but Tonya. Bette smiles a little.] Alice: Interesting. Jenny: What about you, Bette. [Bette seems distant.] Jenny: Bette? [Bette looks at her. After a moment, she smiles a little.] Bette: (slurred) I would see myself... and then I would go running... in the opposite direction. (laughs) [Jenny stares at the ground as Bette laughs slowly. Alice and Shane look on.] EXT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - BACK PORCH - NIGHT [Alice and Shane are carrying Bette home. Bette is barely to walk; her arms are around their shoulders. They walk toward the open patio door that leads into Bette's bedroom.] Alice: (gently) Okay. We're almost there. INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT [She and Shane walk Bette inside.] Alice: Just a few more steps. Shane: Okay. Bette: (slurred) I just need to sleep... Alice: I know, baby. Shane: Alright, alright. Right here, alright? [Shane pushes back the covers as they set Bette on the edge of the bed. Alice takes Bette's shoes off. Shane tosses the pillow aside. Bette begins to sob. Shane puts her hand on Bette's head.] Alice: (gently) Oh no... don't cry. C'mon. Shh, shh, shh. C'mon. Shane: Lie down. [Bette lays down on the bed, crying. Shane covers her up. Alice lays beside her. Shane kneels by the bed. They pet her hair as she weeps.] Bette: (crying) I'm sorry... I'm sorry... Shane: There's no need to be sorry. [Shane kisses Bette on the cheek. Bette's sobbing slows.] Alice: I'm sorry. [Alice leans down and kisses Bette on the forehead. Bette drifts to sleep.] INT. - CHARLOTTE BIRCH'S CLASSROOM - DAY [The class is full of students that got into the writing program. They're all chattering amongst themselves. Jenny is seated in the group. Charlotte walks in.] Charlotte: Why, hello. Welcome to the defining moment of your existence. [She walks to the large table around which the students are seated, and reads the roster.] Charlotte: Is everybody signed in? [Jenny raises her hand.] Jenny: I haven't. [Charlotte pushes the roster across the table to Jenny. Jenny takes it and signs.] Charlotte: Let's pick up where we left off last time. We were writing about the hunter and the hunted. How's everybody feel about that? A little shaky? Unsure of themselves? [The students pass around the stack of papers that they wrote last session. Jenny picks up the paper she gave to Charlotte in the parking lot. Charlotte wrote "Indeed better" on it. Jenny smiles.] Charlotte: If not, I'll make you feel that way, imminently. INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY [Bette lays on the bed in Tina's pajamas. She stares at her laptop screen. The phone rings.] Bette: (sighs heavily) (coughs) [Bette rolls over and picks up the phone from amidst a few bottles of pills for headaches and stomach aches.] Bette: (phone) Hello. Oh, god, James, thank god it's you. Yeah, I was wondering if it was gonna be Franklin breathing down my neck. Listen, I need you to email me last year's Peabody grant application. Yeah, I'm completely stuck. (listens) Okay. Allright, great. Thanks. No, I'm not coming in today, I'm working from home. Yeah, I need to get this grant proposal finished. Allright? Thanks. [Bette hangs up and rolls back over. She doesn't seem interested in work. She looks at Tina's pillow, and touches it.] EXT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT [Music booms from the inside. It's opening night. Disco lights abound, inside and out. The new logo is of the moon, with a face. The caption reads "The Planet" above and "music people food" below. Droves of people, male and female, stand around outside.] [Kit comes to the main doors and smiles at the people.] Kit: C'mon in! C'mon in! INT. - JOYCE WISCHNIA'S GUEST HOUSE - NIGHT [Tina sits at a desk, typing on her laptop.] Tina: It's open! [Alice enters, dressed up in heels and tight jeans.] Alice: Well - don't tell me you're not coming? T! It's the reopening of The Planet! I mean, I know you don't wanna see Bette, but, we all have to be there to support Kit. Tina: I'm sorry, I can't. I - I need to finish this grant proposal, and turn it in by tonight. Plus, I wanna go by the house and pick up some things while Bette isn't there. Alice: Great. [Alice shakes her head and paces.] Alice: Remember how I used to tell you it would suck if you and Bette broke up? Well it does. This is so f*cked. [Alice sits on the edge of the bed and thinks for a moment. She's near tears.] Alice: You know, I'm starting to get scared, it's like Bette's smoking and drinking herself to death, and you're... I'm gonna say it, Tina... you're eating your pain! And I don't know how much weight you've gained! But if you don't stop, you're gonna have to go to some ashram, or hire some really majorly important trainer and you don't have the money! Tina: Alice. (a beat) I'm not fat. Alice: (crying) T! [Alice looks at Tina like she's ignoring the obvious. Tina gets up, lifts up her shirt, and shows Alice her belly. Alice is stupefied.] Alice: (staring) sh1t... [Tina sits.] Alice: I'm a little confused... How did that happen? Tina: I - I did it while Bette and I were still together. But I didn't tell her because I wanted to see if it would take. [Alice closes her eyes and puts her head in her hand.] Tina: I didn't think she could handle another miscarriage. [Alice hangs her head and starts to cry. Tina goes to her.] Tina: Ohh. Look, it's gonna be okay! Alice: (crying) No, it's not, it's so f*cked up. Tina: I'm gonna have a baby. I thought it was gonna be mine and Bette's, but it's going to be my baby. And I am going to love her, and care for her, and I am going to give her a great shot at life. (smiling) C'mere. [They hug.] EXT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT [Music booms. Tons of people walk around.] INT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT [Lights flash as the music plays. The house is packed with people. Kit stands in the corner, smiling. Carmen is on the turntables spinning out the tunes.] [Jenny and Shane walk through the crowd. Carmen waves at them. Shane nods; Jenny waves back. They belly up to the bar, grinning.] Jenny: Is that Carmen spinning? Shane: Yeah, I hooked her up with Kit. Jenny: Aren't you gonna go say hi? Shane: I did. [Jenny smiles at Shane.] Shane: What. Jenny: I don't know, you just sometimes remind me of guys I used to date in high school. [Shane smiles. Jenny pushes past her. Shane looks over at Carmen, then orders.] Shane: Uh, hi. May I have two of those please. EXT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - BACK PORCH - NIGHT [Nobody's home. Sirens and traffic are heard in the distance.] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT [Tina is getting her clothes out of the closet. She turns to leave, and sees the bed, unmade, with the laptop sitting on it. She puts her clothes down and makes the bed.] EXT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT [Music. People.] INT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT [Alice makes her way over to Shane at the bar.] Alice: (to others) Sorry. 'Scuse me. Shane! Allright, okay, um, I have to tell you something I'm really kinda not supposed to tell you. Shane: Fight the urge. Alice: But... but I can't! Shane: Try. Alice: But it's hard! Shane: I know! But try. [Shane looks at some women - the band, Betty - entering the bar.] Shane: Turn around. [Alice turns around.] Shane: You shook the lesbian phone tree and look what fell out. Alice: Oh, my god. It's Betty. Bow to the power of the tree. (waves to Betty) Hey, Betty rules! [One of the band members, ezgirl, stops. She and Shane check each other out, then she moves on. Alice looks at Shane.] Shane: What. Alice: Hm? Shane: What? Alice: What? (chuckling) Shane: What? (chuckling) INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT [Tina makes the bed. She touches Bette's pillow, then picks it up. She hugs it to her body and smells it as she sits on the bed. She looks at it, then hugs it tight, and sighs.] EXT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT [Bette paces slowly near the...

When she is rejected from the writing class of Charlotte Birch, Jenny sets out to win over her intimidating professor by writing a page based on her life story. Shane moves in with Jenny at the house. When Jenny meets Carmen for the first time, an attraction between them develops almost at once. Bette goes on a downward spiral over Tina's lawsuit. Joyce also offers Tina a place to stay at her guest house during her legal battle. Dana and Alice continue to hide their attraction, while Tonya decides to make a show of her impending marriage to Dana. Kit tries to find an opening act for The Planet's grand re-opening and things heat up, then cool down, between Shane and Carmen. Tina is devastated when she finds an e-mail love letter from Candace on Bette's computer.

fd_Alias_02x19

fd_Alias_02x19_0

(Night. It's raining outside. Sydney and Dixon stand on either side of Emily's coffin. An SUV backs up and two men get out, there to take the coffin.) DIXON: I didn't have a clean shot, and I took it anyway. I'm putting in for reassignment to the directorate of intelligence. SYDNEY: If I had the shot, I might have taken it. DIXON: I know what Emily meant to you. I'm sorry. (The SUV is now gone with the coffin. Dixon walks away.) (Sloane sits behind a desk looking out at nothing. Irina stands beside the desk, a bandage on her arm.) IRINA: Arvin? Arvin? This plan might not hold up. The CIA knows too much, they could guess why we were after the genetic database. SLOANE: I'm not interested in the database. I want satellite footage of Tuscany. I want to know who murdered my wife. IRINA: We both had to make sacrifices, Arvin. You won't for yourself if you stop now. We're so close to knowing what Rambaldi knew. SLOANE: I wish I never heard that man's name. (Irina puts her hand over his. He looks at it.) (CIA ops center, Sydney holds a file and talks to her father.) SYDNEY: I don't understand how we don't have a single lead on Sloane or Mom. JACK: There's a difference between intelligence and actionable intelligence. SYDNEY: What about the earrings Mom left me? JACK: Analysis couldn't trace the signal source. Marshall's trying to figure out how they receive anything. SYDNEY: Dad, we have to get ahead of them. We know they're acquiring Rambaldi artifacts, we know they tried to access a DNA database. So there must be some way to predict what they're going to do. JACK: Sydney, I understand your frustration, particularly in light of Emily's death, but sometimes there isn't a clear move to make. SYDNEY: Look at this. (opens the file) Elsa Caplan's debrief transcript. It's barely ten pages long. Sloane kidnapped her husband two months ago and all we have is ten pages? JACK: Sydney, if you feel Elsa Caplan was improperly debriefed, do it again yourself. (Outside, afternoon. Sydney and Elsa sit beside each other on a bench, watching Elsa's son Aaron play.) SYDNEY: How's your son? ELSA: He's keeping me sane. Even with this security detail, it's hard to feel safe. SYDNEY: I don't want to make this more difficult for you but I need a little more of your help. I'd like to bring you in for regression therapy session. It's like hypnosis. It's completely safe, I've done it myself. ELSA: No offense, but I don't feel comfortable with the government poking around in my head. SYDNEY: I'll be honest with you. We're out of leads. ELSA: What are you saying? That if something happens to him, it's my fault? SYDNEY: No, of course not. ELSA: These people... these people threatened to kill my son! He's still having nightmares about it! SYDNEY: Elsa, wait... ELSA: You come here and you tell me that I'm not doing enough? SYDNEY: That's not what I meant, wait... ELSA: Aaron, sweetie! Sweetie, come on, it's time to go. (to Sydney) How dare you. Sweetie, honey, it's time to go! (Neil Caplan is chain handcuffed, sitting behind a desk that has a laptop and other things on it. Irina enters.) IRINA: We still need your help. I just downloaded this. That's a catalog of over ten million people's DNA. We're looking for someone specific, a man. But it's encrypted. We need you to break it. NEIL: For the past two months I haven't heard a word about my family or been given any indication whether they're dead or alive. So you can just kill me. Just kill me because there's no way in hell I'm going to help you people anymore. IRINA: What if I told you that your family's not only alive but we let them go? (She drops a cell phone on the desk.) IRINA: Call your house. Call. (He dials the phone, still handcuffed. It rings.) ELSA'S VOICE: Hello? NEIL: Elsa, it's me! ELSA'S VOICE: Hello? NEIL: Elsa! Elsa, I'm alive! IRINA: She can't hear you. I've modified the cell phone. ELSA'S VOICE: Hello? IRINA: They're home. They're safe. Now you have something to live for, Mr. Caplan. (Sydney and Vaughn are sitting up in bed together. Sydney is looking over some papers, including phone records.) SYDNEY: Elsa Caplan was living under protective custody for the past two months. I was so convinced that we were overlooking something that I went over there and implied that she wasn't doing enough to save her husband. That was stupid. VAUGHN: No one's harder on themselves than you are. (They kiss a couple of times. Vaughn gets out of bed in his boxers and grabs a backpack from the floor. He unzips it and takes out a shirt.) SYDNEY: Vaughn, I mean, okay, the backpack is getting a little ridiculous. VAUGHN: What do you mean? SYDNEY: (points) The middle drawer. It's yours. VAUGHN: Yeah? SYDNEY: It's just a drawer. VAUGHN: I'm just saying it's a great idea. SYDNEY: You sure? VAUGHN: Uh-huh. (He takes the backpack over. Sydney goes back to her phone records.) SYDNEY: There were three calls made from the same number to Caplan's house over the last year. They came exactly four months apart, they were all made on a Monday night at the same time. And they all lasted one minute. VAUGHN: Where did the calls come from? (The kitchen in the Caplan house.) SYDNEY: I need to talk to you. ELSA: Is it Neil? SYDNEY: Before Neil's abduction, three calls were made to your house over the last year at odd hours. We traced the number to a reporter named Gregory Ivanov. Does that name mean anything to you? ELSA: No. SYDNEY: We ran a background check. He was a journalist working out of Los Angeles for Itar-Tass, a news service known for giving cover to Russian intelligence agents. This man, Ivanov, we think he's one of them. We put Ivanov under electronic surveillance. An hour ago he received a fax from an unnamed source. ELSA: I don't understand. SYDNEY: Your husband might have been working for the Russian SVR. It's their equivalent to the CIA. ELSA: What did the fax say? SYDNEY: A single Russian word. "Razvyaska". It means "endgame". (Elsa puts her back to Sydney, crying.) ELSA: Neil's gonna die. SYDNEY: Elsa, we don't know that. ELSA: No. I do. SYDNEY: Not you. ELSA: I didn't want to be hypnotized because I was afraid you'd find out. Ivanov was my handler. Seven years ago I was ordered to seduce and marry Neil. My objective was to keep tabs on his work. I was given a tracking device to implant in his arm. But it has a secondary purpose. It was designed to release fifty milligrams of cyanide into his bloodstream. It's a suicide pill. That's what the fax was about, it means it's been activated. SYDNEY: And you're not authorized to be telling me this. ELSA: I just committed treason against my government because I want to get him back. I'm telling you because I love him. (Sydney walks into the ops center, finds Jack.) SYDNEY: I have a lead on Sloane and Irina, but we have to move immediately. JACK: Yes, Vaughn briefed me. Elsa Caplan shouldn't be processed as a walk-in, she's an SVR agent. SYDNEY: Which means we can classify her as a defector. JACK: Or we can arraign her and try her for espionage. Until we make that determination, I'm holding her here. SYDNEY: She wants to help. She implanted a tracking chip in her husband. The chip's activated by a code, if we can get a locating device we can enter the code, find him, and remove the device before it releases the cyanide. JACK: I've already asked Marshall to look into the possibility of reverse-engineering the locator. SYDNEY: I talked to Marshall, it'll take him three days. Caplan will be dead by then. The chip's set to release cyanide into his bloodstream in forty-two hours. There's a black market contact who deals in SVR contreband, I'm going to meet him. JACK: I'm not willing to risk your life based on speculative intel you acquired from a Russian spy. SYDNEY: Why would she lie? JACK: That's precisely the question! SYDNEY: She turned herself in! JACK: She's not the first! SYDNEY: Dad, I realize we're talking about a Russian agent who betrayed her husband but Elsa Caplan and my mother are not the same person. Elsa's first instinct, her first thought, was for her husband's life. JACK: That's your assessment. SYDNEY: If we find Neil Caplan, we find Sloane and Derevko. Isn't that worth the risk? JACK: We'll move on Elsa's statement if, and only if, we can corroborate it. SYDNEY: When did you start playing it safe? You let Derevko walk out of here because you thought she could lead us to Sloane. JACK: A mistake I'm not anxious to repeat. SYDNEY: And if Neil Caplan dies? JACK: Then he dies. (The hallway heading to Irina's old cell. The bars raise and Sydney walks through, glancing up at the security camera high on the wall. She approaches the glass. Elsa stands when she sees her.) ELSA: Who has my son? SYDNEY: Aaron's fine, he's being taken care of. ELSA: I thought you believed me. SYDNEY: I do believe you. ELSA: Then why am I in this cell? (Upstairs, Jack watches the security camera feed of Elsa and Sydney.) ELSA: (on monitor) I risked everything, committed treason against my own government. SYDNEY: (on monitor) It's not that simple. (Jack picks up the nearby phone.) JACK: This is Director Bristow. I want solitary confinement imposed on Elsa Caplan. No unapproved visitors. Understood? (Back at the cell.) SYDNEY: We still have forty-two hours. (Sydney hits a button on her watch. A red light on the face of the watch brightens.) SYDNEY: I want you to know we're doing everything we can. (A recording of Sydney's voice starts from her watch. Sydney continues talking, keeping up the cover because she knows they're being watched.) SYDNEY'S VOICE: Elsa, don't react. You're listening to a recorded message being transmitted to you through a directional sound projector. You're the only one who can hear this. The CIA won't sanction an extraction team to get the locator. I'm going in myself. (Agents start heading down to the cell to take Sydney away.) SYDNEY: I know none of this is much of a consolation to you right now, but it's the best I can do. SYDNEY'S VOICE: I need you to give me the locator codes. Cross your arms and tap them out in Morse Code with your index finger. (Elsa does so. Sydney watches, memorizing it. The agent approaches.) AGENT: Back away from the glass please. SYDNEY: (still watching the tapping) I have authorization. AGENT: Back up now. (Elsa's done.) ELSA: Thank you. (Sydney nods and leaves. Upstairs, Jack has been watching. He's suspicious.) (Caplan's still at his desk. Irina looks at him.) IRINA: It's been twenty-four hours. NEIL: This database is encoded with an 8192-bit military-grade polymorphic encryption. Unless you want to kidnap a smarter genius than me, it's going to be a little while. IRINA: Tell me what you need to speed this up. NEIL: (sighs) I need access to a Cray supercomputer. IRINA: I hope you're not stalling, Mr. Caplan, because your safe return to your family is no guarantee. Understand? (Caplan grabs her, throwing her on the desk on her stomach. He takes the chain that connects his handcuffs and puts it around her throat, choking her.) IRINA: Arghhh! (Suddenly Neil is shot in the leg. He lets Irina go immediately, yelling and groaning in pain. Sloane stands behind them with his gun. He presses the gun against Neil's throat.) SLOANE: A few days ago... NEIL: My leg! Aghhh! SLOANE: ...I would have done anything to keep you alive. Now... I don't care! (He's about to shoot Neil. Irina, rubbing at her neck, stops him.) IRINA: Arvin! Arvin! Arvin, don't! We still need him. NEIL: My leg! (He falls on the floor.) (Living room at the Dixon household.) DIANE: Where would you be transferred to? DIXON: I'll be reassigned within the agency. Maybe to Texas or DC. I'd be an analyst. I'd be safe. DIANE: You'd be happy not being in the field? DIXON: I'd be happy as long as you and the kids are with me. DIANE: Sloane's the man who ran SD-6, the one who lied to you for years. Marcus... you are not responsible for what happened to his wife. He put her in harm's way. DIXON: That's not the only reason I'm putting in for the transfer. I'm doing it for us. DIANE: (smiles) When you first told me the truth, I said I don't know who you were. I was wrong. I just didn't know what you did. I have always known who you are. You are the most decent man I know. Whatever you decide, I'll be with you. (They kiss.) (Francie's cell rings. She answers.) FRANCIE: Hello? SLOANE: It's me. Is your source still in place? FRANCIE: Yes. SLOANE: Good. I need something from him. (Sydney is driving down the street. She sees a black car behind her, following her every move. In the following car, the agent speaks on comm.) FOLLOWER: Base ops, this is Trailer. We have a twenty on the target. JACK: (on comm) Copy. Stay with her. (Sydney makes a u-turn and drives into a parking lot of a drugstore. She gets out and goes inside. She gets a basket and walks by a few young girls standing in the cosmetics aisle.) GIRL 1: The Pi Delta exchange! I think Tom's gonna be there! GIRL 2: Shut up! GIRL 3: Ooooh, Tommy! (They giggle. Sydney takes out her cell phone.) (At the ops center, Vaughn and Weiss.) WEISS: She gave you a drawer, huh? VAUGHN: It was a gesture of convenience. WEISS: And, uh, what did you put in it? VAUGHN: Why do you care? WEISS: What do you mean, why do I care? Do you know how spoiled you are? You know, a drawer! I wish I had a girlfriend to say "Hey, do you want a drawer?" VAUGHN: I'll give you a drawer at my place. WEISS: I don't want a drawer at your place. (Vaughn's cell rings.) VAUGHN: Hello? SYDNEY: (in store) Hey, it's me. VAUGHN: You okay? Marshall told me your father shut you down this morning. SYDNEY: Yeah, I just need to get out. Cool down. Dad was right. Like that's news. (Trailer, sitting outside in the black car, listens in. Sydney takes a roll of wallpaper.) SYDNEY: I just wish there was more I could do. VAUGHN: Well we're working on corroborating Elsa's intel. (Sydney takes a long blonde wig and pantyhose, puts them in her basket.) VAUGHN: Where are you? SYDNEY: At the drugstore. Just picking up some pictures I had developed. I think there's this great one of us, you could hang it in your hall by the coat rack. VAUGHN: What? SYDNEY: Although the developer said some of the pictures might not come out because I used the wrong film speed or something. Next time... he said to keep in mind I should use a slower roll. VAUGHN: (whispers to Weiss) Pen. SYDNEY: I'll probably be another twenty minutes. I'll come over when I'm done. VAUGHN: Yeah, okay, bye. SYDNEY: Okay, bye. (They hang up.) WEISS: What? VAUGHN: She said she wanted to hang a picture next to the coat rack. WEISS: So? VAUGHN: Well, she's never been to my place. I don't have a coat rack. WEISS: Okay, well, maybe it was some kind of message. What did she say exactly? VAUGHN: She said "Keep in mind I should use a slower roll." (At the store, Sydney picks up a red tote bag next to the cash as a young clerk rings it all up.) SYDNEY: Oh, and... this bag, please. (The young women giggle, still in the cosmetics aisle. Sydney looks over at them.) SYDNEY: Where's your bathroom? (In the bathroom, Sydney takes the roll of wallpaper and puts it around her waist. She takes out a roll of tape and tapes it to her waist. Pinning up her hair, she takes out the pantyhose and cuts off the legs, putting the waist part over her head, holding back her hair. She puts on the blonde wig. Out in the store, Sydney walks down the aisle holding the red tote bag, wearing the long blonde wig, and wearing her new skirt with just her shirt on and jacket in the bag. She approaches the young girls who are in line at the cash.) GIRL 1: But I like it. I like this product and I've used one of these before... GIRL 2: You have? SYDNEY: (accent) Sorry, I tried that one and I broke out! GIRL 1: Oh really? Okay, thanks! SYDNEY: (accent) Oh my... are you Sigma Gammas? GIRL 1: Yeah! SYDNEY: (accent) I was president of my chapter in West Virginia! GIRL 2: No way! SYDNEY: (accent) I swear to God! GIRL 2: President! SYDNEY: (accent) Yeah! It's Tuesday, you still have a lunch exchange with the Pi Delts? GIRL 2: You want to come? SYDNEY: (accent) Can I? Oh my God, I've been so homesick since I graduated! Thank you for inviting me! (Minutes later, the girls walk out of the store with Sydney amongst them. The following agent watches them from his car but doesn't see Sydney. She talks with one of the girls and puts a pair of sunglasses on, moving past the car.) (Ops center. Vaughn and Weiss are staring at their notepads.) VAUGHN: Wait, I got it. She's using skip sequencing cypher text. Take the first letter from every word and rearrange them. (I Should Use A Slower Roll. He circles the first letter and writes the word down: Russia.) VAUGHN: She's going to Russia. (Ops center. Vaughn approaches Jack.) VAUGHN: You wanted to see me? JACK: Sydney clearly knew I was listening to your phone convesation. She also knew that by the time I decoded her anagram, she'd be halfway to Russia. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you had every intention of reporting that fact to me. I'm giving you this consideration because when Sydney makes contact with you again, you're going to tell me exactly where she is. VAUGHN: If I had known what she was doing, I would have tried to stop her but now that she's gone, there's nothing we can do to change her mind. She's got forty hours to find Caplan, why not support her, give her backup? JACK: If it's not obvious to you by now, everything I do is in the service of protecting Sydney. For all we know, Elsa Caplan's working with Sloane. For all we know, she was a conspirator in her husband's abduction, which means Sydney could be walking into a trap. VAUGHN: Or she isn't and she is about to save Neil Caplan's life. JACK: This is not a debate. And just because you've gotten comfortable with my daughter, doesn't mean you should be comfortable with me. If you don't report your next contact with Sydney immediately, I will take action that you will regret. [SCENE_BREAK] (Russia. In a club, the crowd cheers and music blares. Sydney, dressed as a rhinestone cowboy including the boots and hat and shirt, enters, looking around.) CONTACT: Okay, partners, let's get ready to ride! Okay, here you go! (A man on a mechanical bull is all ready to go. The bull starts moving and the crowd starts cheering. The man falls off and a horn blows. Sydney approaches her contact.) CONTACT: Get up, get up, you're no cowboy! SYDNEY: (speaks Russian) CONTACT: This is cowboy bar. Speak English. SYDNEY: (Russian accent) I said we have a mutual friend. CONTACT: I don't care. This is eight-second stable. Everybody here has ridden bull for eight seconds. Good-bye! (He walks away. Sydney looks at the bull and mutters to herself:) SYDNEY: Oh, God... (Cut to the horn blowing and the crowd cheering with Sydney on the bull, doing her best at riding the thing. Everyone is cheering for her. The bull stops and she climbs off, going up to the bar once again.) SYDNEY: (accent) Something like that. CONTACT: Something like that. (He offers her a drink. She takes it, wincing a little. The guy tosses the empty glass over his shoulder and it smashes.) CONTACT: Now, champion, who is our mutual friend? SYDNEY: (accent) Elsa Caplan. CONTACT: When exactly did you talk to Elsa? SYDNEY: (accent) Yesterday. We are old friends. Elsa's parents were in Kholokov's class with my parents. CONTACT: What do you need? SYDNEY: (accent) I need a tracking device, latest SVR issue. CONTACT: Fifty thousand cash. US bucks only. SYDNEY: (accent) Deal. (He smiles, showing off his gold tooth.) (Jack walks down the hall, the bars raising. He speaks to the guard.) JACK: Open the door. (He does so, letting him inside Irina's old cell. Elsa is sitting on the bed. She looks up.) ELSA: I want to see my son. JACK: (speaks Ukranian) There's a slight trace of Ukranian in your voice. ELSA: (speaks Ukranian) That's where my parents were from, but I've never been there. JACK: (speaks Ukranian) I'm curious. What was your cover, the story you told Neil Caplan. Were you placed at Caltech? A graduate student, maybe a teaching assistant? ELSA: Look, my family is all I care about. JACK: (smirking) Your family? The one you manufactured in order to steal classified information? ELSA: You don't know anything about me. JACK: You couldn't be more wrong. ELSA: You're Sydney's father. Irina Derevko was your wife. JACK: Which makes me an expert on someone like you. It started as a job, a duty to your country. But it required you to prostitute yourself. It was a small price to pay for servicing the motherland. At first everything went as planned. Then--surely an accident--you got pregnant. You considered terminating the pregnancy but, selfishly, you didn't. You hoped, somehow, that becoming a mother would redeem you, would absolve your guilt. ELSA: You're wrong! JACK: But you continued to lie and deceive both your husband and your son. ELSA: I am not Irina Derevko! JACK: I probably care more about your son than you do! ELSA: That is not true! JACK: If I have my way, you're never going to see your son again. ELSA: Don't you dare take my son away from me! Don't you take my son away! (Bursting into tears, Elsa cries and lowers her head into her hands. Jack looks a bit stunned.) (Weiss and Vaughn at the ops center. Weiss's cell rings.) WEISS: Weiss. (Sydney is walking toward a car at the airport.) SYDNEY: Weiss, it's me. Sorry to call you, but Vaughn's phone is probably tapped. Is he there? WEISS: Yeah. (to Vaughn) Guess who. (He tosses the phone to Vaughn, who catches it.) VAUGHN: Syd? SYDNEY: Listen to me. I got the tracker, I input the codes that Elsa gave us. I found Caplan in a building in Saria, Spain. It used to be a software company. I'm on my way now. VAUGHN: Your father knows what you're doing and thinks you could be walking into a trap. Syd, I'm not sure he's wrong. I'm supposed to convince you to come home. SYDNEY: I will, when I have Caplan. My father can't see straight when he looks at Elsa, he only sees my mother. And if this ends up being a stupid mistake, so be it. I believe her. VAUGHN: Then I'm coming with you. SYDNEY: I can't ask you to do that. VAUGHN: You don't have to. There's an alley in Saria behind the Gandara Hotel. Meet me there. (He hangs up and takes his suit jacket off the back of his chair.) WEISS: Jack is going to shoot you in the face. VAUGHN: Just give me a half-hour head start. Tell him that she called your phone and you gave it to me. We only have ten hours to find Caplan. WEISS: If we end up sharing a cell in federal prison, I'm not giving you a drawer. (Francie and Will are kissing on the sofa at Sydney's. He reluctantly gets up.) WILL: Okay, I got to go. FRANCIE: No, no... WILL: I got to go. I'm going to be late. FRANCIE: You work for a travel magazine, just tell them you're traveling. WILL: I wish I could. (They kiss one more time and he goes to the bathroom. The shower starts. With him gone, Francie puts her cup of tea down and gets his coat which is on the back of the sofa. She removes his cell from his inside pocket and takes something out, puts something back in. She places it back in the pocket and puts the jacket back.) (At the ops center, Will is at his desk. He stands up and bangs right into a nervous Marshall.) MARSHALL: Oooh! I'm sorry. It's Will, right? WILL: Yeah. MARSHALL: Hey, I've seen you in the briefing rooms. I'm kind of new around here myself. Marshall Flinkman. WILL: Nice to meet you. MARSHALL: Let me ask you. Do they have you parking down in the federal annex? 'Cause I have to walk, like, a half a mile to get here in the morning. I'm exhausted by the time I get to--you know, I shouldn't really complain, it's the only exercise I really get. Although, I did see a gym on the-- (Will's cell rings.) WILL: Excuse me. MARSHALL: Oh, uh, yeah. (Will tries to give him the hint that he would like some privacy.) WILL: I got, uh... MARSHALL: That's all right, let's get some lunch or something at the CIA luncheon... (He wanders away. Will picks up.) WILL: Hello? (Francie is at her computer at her house.) FRANCIE: Hey, honey. Do you got a second? WILL: Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, what's up? FRANCIE: Uh, are you near a computer? I was pulling up a recipe on my laptop and it crashed. WILL: What, you want me to pull up a recipe? FRANCIE: Do you mind? WILL: Sure, what's the web site? FRANCIE: www.bouillabaissecentral.com WILL: Okay. (He logs in to his computer, entering his login and password.) WILL: Okay, what do you need? (Francie, having fixed his cell phone, can hack into Will's computer login and starts typing quickly, stalling Will while she does it.) FRANCIE: Will you tell me what kind of fish they list? WILL: Okay, hold on, let me find it. (Francie brings up the surveillance feed. She smiles.) (In Spain, Sydney waits in the alley. A car drives up and Vaughn gets out. Sydney walks up to him and they kiss then hug.) SYDNEY: Thank you for coming. VAUGHN: How much time do we have? SYDNEY: Twelve minutes. Did you bring gear? VAUGHN: (smiles) Did I bring gear? (Minutes later, they assemble their guns.) VAUGHN: I spoke to Weiss after we landed. Satellite's picked up five figures inside, the building's basement level. North wing. SYDNEY: Sloane could be a block from here. My mother. VAUGHN: If they are they won't surrender to us. SYDNEY: I know. VAUGHN: What about the perimeter? SYDNEY: No activity. Roof access will be our best bet. VAUGHN: Not that I'm a huge fan of you disobeying the CIA but that was pretty good, the way you got away. (He laughs a little. Sydney's embarrassed.) SYDNEY: Thank you. (Sloane is watching footage on his laptop. He stops it, plays again. He closes his eyes and plays it again, watching Emily fall. He backs the footage up and sees the shooter. Dixon shoots and conveniently rolls over on his back, looking up at the satellite and giving Sloane a good look at him. Sloane pounds his fist on the table in anger and picks up his cell, dials.) SLOANE: Yeah. It's me. I need you to do something else for me. (Caplan is typing, his leg bandaged. Sark sits in front of the desk, calmly reading a magazine.) NEIL: So, who are you, anyway? What are you, twenty-two, twenty-three? What are you doing working for a guy like Sloane? What do you expect to get out of all this? SARK: I was sent to school in England at a very young age. Out of necessity, one becomes self-reliant and perhaps prematurely ambitious. I'm like anyone, Mr. Caplan. What I want is that which I never had. NEIL: You're gonna kill me, aren't you? You wouldn't have shared any of that stuff with me if you expected me to live. SARK: I suggest you keep working. (On the roof, Sydney and Vaughn have their guns on the ready as they descend a staircase. Inside the building, they run down the stairs and down a hallway. They stop at a corner.) SYDNEY: I'll go around. VAUGHN: Syd! (Behind her, one of the guards. She fights with him, Vaughn hitting him with his gun. Sydney knees him in the chest. Behind them, another guard. Sydney shoots him. Inside the room, Caplan and Sark hear the gunshot. Sark addresses the guards in the room in a foreign language. He stands up, gets his gun out, and looks over at Neil. He removes the disc from the computer Neil was working on. Sydney and Vaughn walk through another room with their guns. Another man finds Vaughn and yells at him.) GUARD: Alto! (Speaks more Spanish. Vaughn raises his hands in surrender. Sydney comes from behind the guard, elbows him and hits him with her gun. They run into the room with Neil, who is now alone.) SYDNEY: Is Arvin Sloane in this building? Or Irina Derevko? NEIL: No, no, no, no, but, uh, a blond guy just took off. SYDNEY: Sark. NEIL: That's him, yeah. VAUGHN: I'll go after him. (Vaughn leaves. Sydney takes out a medical kit, putting on rubber gloves and taking out a scalpel.) NEIL: What the hell's that for? SYDNEY: Mr. Caplan, you have to listen to what I'm going to say. You won't want to believe me, but you have to or you will die in less than sixty seconds. NEIL: What?! (In a hallway on the way out, Vaughn spots Sark running away.) VAUGHN: Freeze! (Sark turns around and shoots at Vaughn, and then continues to run. Vaughn shoots after him and follows.) (Back in the room.) SYDNEY: Your wife, Elsa, she works for Russian intelligence. NEIL: I know. Six years ago the NSA recruited me. They, uh, they told me I was a target. They had intel that I was gonna be approached. (He sees a guard enter the room behind Sydney. Picking up the gun off the desk, Neil shoots the guard dead. Sydney is shocked.) SYDNEY: You're NSA?! NEIL: They recruited me out of Caltech. Even though, if you ask them, they'll deny any affiliation with me. I knew Elsa was a spy the day we met. SYDNEY: Okay, look, your wife injected you with a cyanide caplet. We have to remove it right now! NEIL: What? SYDNEY: Listen to me! NEIL: She wouldn't do that! SYDNEY: I came this far because of this! NEIL: She wouldn't try and kill me! SYDNEY: She didn't, her handlers did! (Vaughn enters the staircase leading to the roof. He looks up and sees Sark climbing onto the roof. Vaughn gets up there moments later and looks around at the view. Sirens wail in the distance. Sark is gone.) VAUGHN: Damn it! (Back in the room.) NEIL: When the hell did she implant me with this thing? SYDNEY: Right after you met. Mr. Caplan, you have less than thirty seconds before you die. We have to remove this right now! Give me your left wrist. Okay, look away. NEIL: No, I'm okay. (Sydney slices his arm with the scalpel. Blood oozes out.) NEIL: Ahhh! Ahhh! Oh, God, come on... SYDNEY: Hang on, hang on... NEIL: Ahhh... God, ahhhh... (Sydney gets it out.) NEIL: Thanks. (In LA, Sydney escorts Neil into Irina's old cell. Hobbling along with the help of a cane, he enters the cell and sees Elsa. They stand there for a moment and then hug. They kiss.) ELSA: I love you. NEIL: I love you, too. (Upstairs, Sydney and Jack.) SYDNEY: I know I'm not in a position to ask you for any favors but whatever you plan on doing to me, just please leave Vaughn out of it. JACK: Vaughn wil be escorting the Caplans to Bambridge Island. I've granted Elsa defector status. She is not Irina Derevko. SYDNEY: We downloaded the DNA database Caplan decrypted from the computer he was working on. We finally have a lead on Sloane and Derevko. JACK: Good. But, Sydney, if you go around me again I'll have you transferred and finding them will no longer be part of your job description. (Semi-swanky restaurant. Double date evening with Sydney, Vaughn, Dixon and Diane.) DIANE: I owe you an apology. SYDNEY: Diane, you don't have to explain anything. DIANE: Oh, no, let me say this. When Marcus first told me about SD-6, I felt so betrayed and in part I blamed you for that. Your world has these rules that force good people to lie even to those they're closest to. Before I could accept that, I had to understand it. DIXON: I rescinded the transfer order. Diane rescinded the order. (They hold hands happily.) (Jack walks through the ops center. Marshall runs up to him.) MARSHALL: Uh, Mr. Bristow! Mr. Bristow! JACK: Yes, Marshall? MARSHALL: Hi, listen, I was doing some spelunking on the CIA network, mapping it, really, just for kicks, and well, you can relax because the Death Star plans are not in the main computer! (Jack darts him a look.) MARSHALL: Anyway, I, uh, did find a bandwidth discrepancy. At first I thought it was a trojan virus someone implanted on the system but unless it was locked into a perpetually renaming RAM cache, then it wouldn't-- JACK: Marshall! Please, English. MARSHALL: I found a massive information hemorrhage. Someone without authorization accessed the system and downloaded ten gigabytes worth of satellite footage from Tuscany. JACK: Tuscany? MARSHALL: Yeah! JACK: We're on a secure system. How did they hack in? MARSHALL: Well, they didn't. It came from this office. (Outside the restaurant, the happy couples wait for the valet to get their vehicles.) DIXON: No, there is no way that the agency has season tickets for the Lakers! VAUGHN: I'm telling you, four seats, twelve rows back. DIXON: You know, by this point, I don't know why I'm surprised, but I am. (The valet gets Diane's SUV to the curb.) DIANE: I'll see you at home after I get the kids. DIXON: Mm-hmm. (They kiss.) DIANE: Good night. SYDNEY: Good night, Diane. VAUGHN: Good night. DIANE: Good night. (She gets in her SUV and starts to drive out of the parking lot. Dixon's vehicle is at the curb.) DIXON: It feels good, having it out in the open. See you tomorrow. (He gets in and before closing the door, he hops out to tell Sydney something.) DIXON: Oh... (laughs) By the way-- (An explosion knocks them all to the ground. Diane's SUV blows up with her inside. The vehicle flips over, engulfed in flames.) DIXON: Diane! DIANE! (Nearby in her own car, Francie puts her detonator away, having finished the job. She drives off.)

Sydney defies her father in her attempt to rescue kidnapped scientist Neil Caplan, while Sloane, seeking revenge for the assassination of his wife orders that Dixon's wife be taken out. Meanwhile, Allison in the guise of Francie manipulates an unsuspecting Will for his agency connections.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_07x13

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_07x13_0

FLASH IN: [EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] Radio: (V.O.) Welcome back to the voice of Las Vegas, KWMS Radio. [EXT. LAS VEGAS DESERT ROAD - NIGHT] (A lone car drives along the road.) Radio: (V.O.) The city remains in mourning, as we try to make sense of the murder of Assemblyman Danilo Zamesca. (At the end of the road is another parked car. Danilo Zamesca parks his car and engages the brakes. He looks over at the driver in the next car.) (Zamesca gets out of his car.) Radio: (V.O.) After his only son was gunned down by a drug dealer, Zamesca dedicated his life to public service. (Zamesca heads over toward the other parked car. The other car door opens and a man gets out.) Radio: (V.O.) He set his sights on the drug traffickers and the drug suppliers. (The man is holding a extra-large drink and a folded photo. He hands the photo to Zamesca.) Radio: (V.O.) He believed you get drugs off the streets by putting the suppliers out of business. (Zamesca takes the photo, looks at it, and rips it to shreds while saying a few choice words to the man.) Radio: (V.O.) That was his mission. (He tosses the ripped photo to the wind. A piece of the photo falls to the ground.) (CLOSE-UP: It shows Zamesca doing lines with a woman with a Scorpion sign tattooed on her inner left arm.) Radio: (V.O.) His murder's rocked headlines, -- [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DESERT ROAD -- DAY TIME (PRESENT)] (A corner ruler is positioned next to the photo.) Radio: (V.O.) -- uniting Democrats and Republicans alike, all of us asking the same question: (Nick snaps a couple of photos of the picture.) INSERT: FLASHBACK (Zamesca turns away from the man and heads back to his car. The man tosses his extra large drink to the ground.) Radio: (V.O.) What happened out there? BACK TO SCENE. (Nick snaps several photos of the drink cup.) Radio: (V.O.) Peg from Sunrise Manor, you're on. INSERT: FLASHBACK (The man takes out a gun, points it at Zamesca's back and fires.) Peg: (V.O.) Danilo Zamesca spoke truth to power and got killed for it. (The empty shell casing falls to the ground.) BACK TO SCENE. (Nick snaps photos of the empty shell casing with a ruler on the ground.) Peg: (V.O.) I don't think there's anybody out there who has the courage to stand up and take his place. INSERT: FLASHBACK (Zamesca manages to open the car door and get inside. Before he can start the engine, the gunman fires twice. Blood spatters on the passenger window.) BACK TO SCENE. (Nick takes more photos of the body slumped over on his side in the car. Photos of drugs in a plastic bag on the passenger seat are taken.) Radio: (V.O.) Roger from MacDonald Ranch. (Nick picks up the plastic bag. He turns and looks over at Brass.) Roger: (V.O.) If this guy was pure as the driven snow, what's he doing out in the middle of nowhere with drugs in his car? Give me a break. He was dirty, just like the rest of them. (Nick continues to process the evidence in the car.) Radio: (V.O.) Okay, Roger, thank you for calling. (Brass makes a call on his radio.) INSERT: FLASHBACK (The gunman runs to the car, leaving shoeprints in the dirt.) BACK TO SCENE. (Nick snaps several photos of shoeprints in the dirt and some foam.) (Catherine picks up a piece of foam and looks at it.) Nick: Looks like some sort of foam. Catherine: Found it next to the tire impression. (Nick stands up and heads back to the car. Catherine prepares and makes a shoeprint cast.) CU: BULLET (The bottom of the bullet is for a PMC 9MM LUGER.) [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB] (Bobby scans the bottom of the bullet into the computer and runs it through the database.) (He finds a match.) [INT. CSI -- PRINT LAB] (Nick dusts for prints on drink cup cover. He finds a print on the straw.) (CUT TO: He runs it through the database and finds a POSITIVE MATCH to: NAME: THOMAS SIMON DOB: JULY 21, 1972 AGE: 34 HEIGHT: 5'8" WEIGHT: 147 LBS. EYES: BLUE RACE: CAUCASIAN s*x: MALE HAIR: BROWN LAST KNOWN ACCRESSESS: 431 DADSCELL CT. LAS VEGAS, NV 69117 [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY] (Brass walks with Undersheriff Jeff McKeen.) Brass: So CSI got a fingerprint off the drinking straw we found at the scene. Jeff McKeen: Guys like Thomas Simon never get their hands dirty. Brass: No. It was a very clean print. And Ballistics matched some shell casings that we found at Simon's McMansion on that raid last year. Jeff McKeen: Did you find the gun? Brass: No. So Zamesca was trying to put Simon out of business, and it cost him his life. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. STRIP CLUB - NIGHT] (Girls dance on stage, music blaring. The club is sparsely filled. Several officers enter the club, looking for someone. Brass walks in and looks at Officer Mitchell, who shakes his head and indicates that the person they're looking for isn't there.) (Brass turns and heads for the bartender. He shows him his badge.) Brass: Hey. I have a warrant for Thomas Simon. Is he here? Bartender: He's the owner, man. But even I haven't seen him in, like, three weeks. Sorry. [INT. RESTAURANT - DAY] (Undersheriff Jeff McKeen meets with Brass, Catherine and Keppler over breakfast.) Jeff Mckeen: The biggest drug supplier on the West Coast kills a public official, and we can't find him. I'm just the undersheriff. I have one job: make the sheriff look smart. You're not helping. Brass: We busted our hump trying to find this guy. Catherine: Science can only do so much with a cold trail. Jeff McKeen: You ever seen a man's face change into that kind of a demon? Keppler: My eggs are runny. I couldn't have been more specific with the waitress. (to Brass) You gonna eat those? Brass: Oh, you want my pancakes? Yeah, sure, knock yourself out. Here. (Keppler switches plates with Brass.) Keppler: Thank you. Jeff McKeen: I don't hear a solution. Keppler: We could try something I did in Philly. It's, um, a little unorthodox. Jeff McKeen: I only want to know if it works. Keppler: Philly, yes. Baltimore, no. Catherine: Is that why you're in Vegas? (Keppler smiles a little.) Jeff McKeen: Fifty-fifty. I can live with those odds. Brass: So, are you waiting for a drum roll? Keppler: It's called "reverse forensics." Catherine: Oh. We fake a crime scene. Keppler: Basically. Jeff McKeen: How do we get around entrapment? Keppler: Well, it's not entrapment if you're not enticing anyone to commit a crime. The goal is to make Simon think he's off the hook. Brass: So what's the catch? (Catherine gets it and doesn't like it.) Keppler: Whole thing's a catch. The hardest part is stopping leaks. You've got to be willing to deceive the people you work with. Catherine: Assuming they can be deceived, which they can't. Jeff McKeen: Not your call. (Catherine definitely doesn't like it.) Brass: You know, I can think of nine, no, ten ways that this could screw up. Keppler: At least. Jeff McKeen: So don't screw it up. Keppler: The first thing we need is a victim, somebody we own. You need a fall guy to play the role of "killer," somebody who's jake with having his mug shot everywhere. In Baltimore, we used a snitch. So you're going to have to bring the DA into this. Jeff McKeen: (scoffs) The DA? (He shakes his head.) Jeff McKeen: That bitch won't like it. (to Keppler) Thanks for breakfast. (McKeen stands up and leaves.) Keppler: You ever notice how it's the, uh, guys with all the money that never pay? Brass: Sure, that's how they keep all the money. (Brass offers his portion.) Here, let me get it. Keppler: No, I got it. New guy. Brass: Thank you. Keppler: You know, Catherine, if we do our job right and catch the bad guy, nobody's going to remember the rest. Catherine: I'll remember. FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Warrick walks in carrying a file box, a couple of evidence envelopes and wearing a suit. He walks into the evidence room and finds Keppler there leafing through the filing cabinet.) Warrick: Hey, Mike. Keppler: Hey. Do you guys, uh, organize your files by case number? (Warrick signs in a clipboard.) Warrick: In a perfect world. We hired this, uh, knucklehead named Mahoney. He had this dyslexic filing system. Keppler: So what do you think? Does the dyslexic atheist not believe in dog? (Keppler pulls out the file for DANILO ZAMESCA.) Warrick: What? (Warrick looks up and sees the file folder a second before Keppler pulls it out of the cabinet. Keppler turns and looks at Warrick.) Warrick: Oh ... I get it. (Keppler closes the file cabinet.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOM] (Nick shuts his locker and tucks his gun in his holster. He heads out.) (Catherine finds him.) Catherine: Hey. I need you on a 411 tonight. (She gives him the assignment paper.) Nick: Stolen motor vehicles? You got to be kidding me. Catherine: PD recovered twenty stolen motorcycles. They're at the Dupont Towing Lot. Nick: Can't you slide it to days? (Warrick walks by.) Warrick: Hey, guys. Catherine: Take Warrick with you. It'll go faster. (Catherine leaves.) Nick: (amused) Okay. Warrick: What'll go faster? (Nick gives Warrick the assignment sheet.) Nick: Giddyup. (Nick turns and heads down the hallway. Warrick looks at the assignment sheet and follows him out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ALLEYWAY - NIGHT] (A stray cat meows and runs across the alleyway. Rat is selling drugs to a kid. He takes the kid's money and gives him a pack of drugs. The kid turns and runs.) (Brass walks up to Rat.) Brass: What's happening, Rat? (They wave to each other.) Boy, you got to love junkies, huh? What stamina, what willpower. I mean, even the rain doesn't keep them away. Edward "Rat" Dennison: It doesn't keep the cops away either, I guess, huh? Brass: You nervous, Rat? Relax, relax, I'm just here to talk. Listen, you like game shows? Because I got a deal; listen to this. First place is a life-changing experience. You get a whole new life. Edward "Rat" Dennison: What's second place? Brass: There is no second place, Rat. Either way, you don't get to work the alley anymore. Edward "Rat" Dennison: Screw you. Brass: Screw me? No, no. Screw you. (Brass reaches into Rat's shirt pocket and pulls out a packet of drugs.) Brass: Look, take my deal. Otherwise, you're in possession of a controlled substance, and with your record, that's a mandatory sentence. Edward "Rat" Dennison: Okay. If you want information, just ask me. Just that I'm ... Brass: All right, let's walk, walk with me. (Brass and Rat walk along the alleyway.) Brass: It's a little complicated. You own a gun? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB --] (Hodges is on the phone.) Hodges: (to phone) That's K-E-P-P-L-E-R, Michael Keppler. (Just out in the hallway, we see Sara walk past, a box tucked under her arm.) Hodges: (to phone) Yeah, check it out. Okay, I got to go. (He hangs up the phone.) (Sara stops and watches Keppler put up sheeting over the glass windows to block out prying eyes. She watches for a moment, then stops Catherine on her way in.) Sara: What's going on? Catherine: Um, nothing I can talk about. Keep me posted on the 419. Greg's going to meet you at the scene. Sara: Okay. (Catherine enters the lab and closes the door.) (Hodges slides up next to Sara.) Hodges: (in confidence) Ten to one, it's Internal Affairs. Got a vibe off Keppler the minute he blew in. Always with a suit. If you got any dirty laundry, I hope you used bleach. (Sara hugs the box to her and heads out to the - [INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (The locker room is empty. Sara walks in and opens her locker. She looks as if she's going to put the box in the locker, then she has second thoughts. She looks at the label and sits down on the bench. The label reads: (TO) SARA SIDLE 3057 WESTFALL AVE LAS VEGAS, NV 89156 (FROM) GRISSOM WALDEN POND RESEARCH CENTER CONCORD, MA 01742-4511 (She cuts the tape and opens the box. She lifts up the packing paper and finds a branch with a cocoon. She smiles. How Grissom.) (She picks up the branch and looks at it. She digs further into the box and finds the box empty. That is the only thing in the box. She shakes her head. How Grissom.) (She puts the packing paper back in the box, looks at the branch and sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LVPD IMPOUND LOT 17 - NIGHT] (Warrick and Nick are outside the impound gate. They press the buzzer. The lot attendant opens the gate.) Lot Attendant: What? Nick: I'm CSI Stokes, this is Brown. Lot Attendant: Where's your paperwork? Nick: We're from the Crime Lab, dude. Lot Attendant: I still need paperwork. Warrick: We're here to process those stolen motorcycles, man. Lot Attendant: I need authorization, fellas, in writing. (And with that, the lot attendant closes the gate. He leaves Nick and Warrick outside the lot.) Nick: Wh-What if, what if I promise to come back and give it to you later? Warrick: Okay, cut us some slack here, man. You think we really feel like being down here? (The gates clang shut.) Warrick: How do you want to handle this? Nick: You want to shoot our way in? Warrick: I'd love to bust a cap in his knee. (Nick chuckles.) Nick: Sir, don't make us call your supervisor. Now, come on. (bangs on door) Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. APARTMENT -- NIGHT] (David Phillips picks up a maggot off the maggot-infested face of the dead body in the motel room.) David Phillips: (exhales) We got third Instar maggots. (Sara snaps photos around the apartment.) David Phillips: With this smell, she's been dead at least 48 hours. (Sara looks at the contents on the table - drug paraphernalia and pizza boxes.) Sara: Toys are all here. Needle, syringe, tubing, candle, spoon. (Sofia walks into the room. Sara picks up what looks like a black drop wrapped in plastic.) Sara: It looks like heroin. Sofia: Manager said he found her like this when he came by for a visit. Said they were friends, but he was a little unclear of her name. Monique something or other. Sara: Maybe she was, uh, working off the rent. David Phillips: No ID on the body. Sofia: I'll take a look around for it. (Sofia steps out of the room. David pushes the victim's sleeve up and finds a scorpion tattoo on her inner forearm.) David Phillips: Needle marks are sclerotic. Chronic user. Probable OD. (Sara snaps more photos off screen.) (Sofia looks around the kitchen. There are dirty dishes and stacks of pizza boxes. (Sara snaps photos of the needle marks on the victim's arm.) (camera shutter clicking) Sara: Scorpio. Ruled by Pluto. Although since it's not a planet anymore ... I'm not sure how that works. David Phillips: (serious) Maybe it's a "dwarf" sign. Like Pluto is, you know, a "dwarf" planet now. (David nods. Sara smiles.) (Sofia check's the victim's cell phone.) Sofia: Car keys. Cell phone. (The list of CONTACTS reads: FARCROFT, ETHEL 702-555-0169 FAUREAU, MITCHELL 702-555-0143 FINKELMAN, CONRAD 702-555-0123 LIGHTOWER, ROBERT 702-555-0106 WELLSLEY, GETRUDE 702-555-0139 Sofia: No "Mom" or "Dad" listed. There's a lot of food for a junkie. Sara: Maybe she had a roommate. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - NIGHT] (Catherine looks over the crime scene photos with Keppler.) Catherine: Zamesca was shot three times with a nine millimeter. We've got two sets of shoe impressions. Two sets of tire impressions. A plastic "Jumbo Cola" cup. Drugs were found in Zamesca's car, in plain view, but his tox was negative. Keppler: Drugs were planted. Catherine: Crime scene was a remote location. Keppler: That's in our favor. Catherine: Car was a bloody mess. Keppler: Our "victim" was kind enough to donate a pint of his blood. (Keppler has a bag of blood from "EZEKIEL HOLSTEIN.") Catherine: Did Mr. Holstein also donate his brain matter and bone fragments? Keppler: Brass recruited him from Narco, undercover cop. Opted to keep his brains intact. Catherine: Well, without actually shooting the guy, this scene is going to be slightly less than perfect, but it's just you and me out there. Keppler: No, can't be. We're going to need a third person processing the scene to make it look kosher -- someone who's not in on it. Catherine: Well, if we use one of my guys, they're going to figure it out. (He offers her the spray bottle filled with blood.) Keppler: Keep them away from the car. (She takes it.) Catherine: I'm not used to faking it. Keppler: When's the last time you had to? (Keppler smiles.) (Catherine climbs into the front seat of the car and sprays the blood on the passenger window.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. CAR -- DAY] (Greg pops open the glove compartment and snaps a photo of its contents. He reaches in and checks the registration. It's registered to: CARTER, MONIQUE 155 NORTH COURT HENDERSON NV 89176 VALIDATED: 06/13/06 EXPIRES: 06/13/07 ) (Sofia walks down the steps. She's looking through her notes.) Greg: Registration's expired. Want to bet she's not insured? (He shows the registration to Sofia.) Sofia: Monique Carter, 155 North Court, Henderson. Greg: Oh, that's a good neighborhood. Well, this used to be a nice car. Maybe she traded in her old lifestyle to ride the "H" train. SOFIA; Now the manager wants it out of here. So, I'll have it towed. (Greg nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (David Phillips is washing the maggots off the face of the victim.) (Robbins walks in, puts his glasses on and examines an injury on the victim's skull.) David Phillips: It looks like an impact from a weapon. Robbins: Very good observation, David. Shave the area. Call Sara. We may be looking at a homicide. (David takes photos of the injury.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- DAY] (Henry processes the drugs. He puts a sample into the machine.) (Quick CGI flash of: The sample is heated and processed and analyzed into a colored graphical output on the monitor. End of flash.) (Catherine walks in.) Catherine: Hey, Henry. Henry Andrews: Hey. It's heroin mixed with cocaine and methamphetamine, which are the same drug components you found in Zamesca's car. Catherine: Really? Henry Andrews: Should I call Sara? It's her case. Catherine: Henry, I need you to step out and get a cup of coffee. Henry Andrews: Well, I can't leave my evidence out. Catherine: This is not a request. Henry Andrews: Oh ... okay. (Henry leaves the lab. Catherine takes a plastic bag and cuts off a piece of the drug. She puts it in the bag and pockets it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB -- DAY] (Keppler test-fires a gun.) Keppler: Firing one. (He fires. Hodges, who is standing in the next lab over, enters Ballistics and heads toward Keppler. Keppler removes the cartridge from the gun.) (He goes to retrieve the bullet.) Keppler: Is there a problem? Hodges: FYI, Bobby Dawson is a bit of a control freak. Doesn't like anyone in here unsupervised. So he got one accidental discharge on his record. I'm sure he doesn't want another one. Unless ... of course, this is an IA investigation, and, uh, Bobby is his subject. (Keppler puts the bullet in a container.) Hodges: Interesting that Grissom, champion of the little guys, is on sabbatical. Keppler: Interesting, especially if he planned it that way. (Keppler leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DESERT -- DAY] (Edwin "Rat" Dennison sips from his Jumbo Cola cup.) (Camera slides down to his white tennis shoes ... then on to the shoeprints in the dirt.) (We follow the shoeprints to the car. The driver's door is open and there's a man slumped over in the front seat, bleeding from a gunshot wound to the head.) INSERT: CAMERA FLASHES (Catherine snaps photos of the body in the car. The body talks.) Ezekiel Holstein: This is my own blood, right? 'Cause it's starting to drip in my mouth. Catherine: It's all yours. You can get out now, Detective, and ... Ezekiel Holstein: I know, don't touch anything. Catherine: You got it. Oh, and there's some fresh clothes in the back of the vehicle. Ezekiel Holstein: Got any brandy? Catherine: Sorry, man. (Ezekiel Holstein gets out of the car. Catherine snaps another photo. Keppler walks up to her.) Catherine: So, Mike, you said reverse forensics didn't work in Baltimore. How come? (Keppler uses his elbow and shuts the driver's door. He uses a shock plug and punches a hole in the driver's window to make it look like a bullet went through it.) Keppler: Smart cops. Catherine: (doesn't look up) You steal cars before you became a CSI? (She puts some blood on the bullet.) Keppler: Stealing cars gets old fast. I like more of a challenge. Catherine: Note to self. (Catherine puts the bullet in the car.) Keppler: Okay, you can drop that cup now. (Dennison stands by another car.) Edward "Rat" Dennison: Yeah, I'm not done yet. (Ezekiel Holstein walks toward them.) Ezekiel Holstein: He said drop it. Edward "Rat" Dennison: About my new identity, um, I don't want to go to Denver. I think I'd rather go someplace where I'd fit in ... like Maui. (Keppler glances back at Catherine. She steps away from the car.) Ezekiel Holstein: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I want a threesome with Beyonce and Scarlett Johansson. Drop the cup and get your rat ass in the car. Edward "Rat" Dennison: I drop the cup. (He drops the cup. The cup hits the ground, the cap pops off and spills on the dirt.) (Keppler sees something. He removes his glasses and thinks about it.) INSERT: REVERSE FOOTAGE (REWIND: The cup undrops and ends up in the killer's hand.) BACK TO SCENE. Keppler: (mutters to himself) Casual. (Catherine turns to look at Keppler.) Catherine: Excuse me? Keppler: Simon. His soda. He wasn't expecting trouble. (Quick flash to: [NIGHT] Danilo Zamesca stands in front of his car facing the killer. Keppler imagines himself facing Zamesca.) Keppler: (V.O.) Get out of my car ... walk over to Zamesca. (Keppler walks toward Zamesca.) Keppler: (V.O.) Didn't come here to kill him ... came to talk. (He shows Zamesca the photo.) Keppler: (V.O.) Hand him the photo. BACK TO SCENE. Keppler: Then something doesn't go as planned. (Quick flash to: Zamesca rips the photo into pieces and tosses it to the air. He turns and heads back to his own car.) Keppler: (V.O.) I drop the drink ... (Keppler drops the drink.) Keppler: (V.O.) -- grab my gun. (FLASH TO: Keppler changes to Thomas Simon. Thomas Simon grabs his gun and points it at Zamesca.) BACK TO SCENE. Keppler: Murder was Plan B. Catherine: Plan A was the photograph. Anti-drug crusader doing lines. Career buster. Keppler: Looks like he underestimated Zamesca. Catherine: He was a hard man to kill. Simon panicked. Which explains why he left evidence behind this time. Keppler: And why he had to disappear. And why we have to do this. (Catherine drops the drugs in the car.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Catherine puts up crime scene tape around the area. Keppler watches a car arrive.) Keppler: I'm going to call it in. (Keppler takes his phone out. The car stops just outside the tape and Brass steps out. He holds up his radio.) Dispatcher: (from phone) 911, is this an emergency? Keppler: (to phone) Yes, someone's been shot. I'm a quarter mile west of Mountain's Edge and Durango. There's a man bleeding from the head in his car. Looks like a gunshot wound, but I didn't see a gun. He's dead for sure. Dispatcher: (from phone) Sir, may I have your name? (Keppler shuts the phone off and removes the card.) (The call comes over Brass's radio.) Control: (from radio) 419, possible 420, quarter mile west of Mountain's Edge and Durango. Possible man down, gunshot wound to the head. 2-0cean-2, 2-0cean- 34, please respond. Keppler: Show time. Brass: (to radio) Control, this is 2-Zero-3, Charlie-Captain-Brass. I am with Charlie-Zero-4-Willows and Charlie-Zero-9-Keppler. We're around the corner. Our ETA is five minutes. We'll be responding also. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (Robbins shares his findings with Sara.) Robbins: COD was blunt force trauma to the right temporal region. (A phone rings.) Robbins: Wound's inconsistent with a fall. (Sara glances at the phone.) You fall into something, say a coffee table, wound's always deeper on one end. (The phone continues ringing.) Robbins: Depth here is uniform. (shouts) Would someone please answer that phone? (Someone o.s. picks up the phone.) (to Sara) I'm sorry. Tox confirms high level of heroin, cocaine, methamphetamine in her system. I opened up her arm under a fresh needle mark, drew out one milliliter of dark liquid. (Sara opens the cut and sees the black goo in the arm.) Robbins: The drugs were puddled. Means they didn't circulate in her bloodstream. Injection was postmortem. Sara: Dead girls don't shoot up. (Robbins nods. David Phillips peers into the room.) Phillips: (to Robbins) Sorry. Catherine needs to speak to you. Says it's urgent. Robbins: Right. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. DESERT - DAY] (Catherine is on the phone with Robbins.) Robbins: I'm in the middle of an autopsy, Catherine. Catherine: Sorry. I'm at a 420. Similar MO to Zamesca. (approaching sirens wail in the distance.) Press is all over us. I need permission to get the body out of here ASAP. Robbins: That's fine. Just photograph and diagram it before transporting. Catherine: Of course. Now, which mortuary's on call? Robbins: Kentworth. You have that number? Catherine: I'll take care of it. Thanks, Doc. (She hangs up just as the police cars arrive at the scene.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LVPD IMPOUND LOT 17 - DAY] (Nick and Warrick are working on the bikes.) Nick: This is so lame. How much do you want to bet half the prints come back to the cops who recovered these bikes. They never wear gloves. (Warrick's phone rings; he answers it.) Warrick: (to phone) Brown. Hey, Cath. We'll see you there. Well, in that case ... I'll see you there. Nick: Boy, she has got it in for me today. Warrick: Well, giddyup. (Nick laughs.) (Warrick picks up his kit and leaves Nick to work on the bikes - alone.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DESERT HIGHWAY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. DESERT ROAD -- DAY] (A small crowd of press has gathered just outside the crime scene tape. Warrick arrives and heads for the scene.) Warrick: CSI coming through. (The officers lift the tape for him and he continues.) Warrick: Thank you. (Warrick shakes Brass's hand. Brass is on the phone. Warrick arrives at the scene. Catherine and Keppler are already processing the car.) (Warrick notices the missing body.) Warrick: Where's the body? Catherine: Called the morticians to get it out of here. Gunshot victim. Warrick: Got ID? Keppler: Ezekiel Holstein. Local. Brass is running him now. (Warrick looks around the area.) Warrick: Hey, Cath, didn't you find Zamesca near here? Catherine: Yeah. Warrick: Got the "Jumbo" cup. Shoe and tire impressions. Shot in his car. Think Simon's coming out of hiding? Keppler: Or it's a copycat. Warrick: Want me to take the backseat? Catherine: No, um, take the perimeter, get started on a diagram. Warrick: Okay, sarge. Not my first barbecue. Catherine: Thanks, Warrick. (Warrick turns and heads out.) (The reporters' voices rise and we hear them shouting questions to Undersheriff Jeff McKeen.) Reporter: Undersheriff McKeen, is this related to the Zamesca murder? Jeff McKeen: We're in the process of conducting an investigation, so I don't have all the facts. But there does appear to be some similarities to Assemblyman Zamesca's murder. Reporter: Right. Right, but his body was found near here -- Jeff McKeen: Uh, I have no further comments at this time. (Jeff McKeen heads for Brass as he notes the CSIs working on the car.) Brass: (to phone) Ezekiel Holstein. Date of birth: 07-14-72. Do a records check. Oh, and, uh, contact Narco. May be drug-related. Jeff McKeen: I really feel good about this. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Sofia talks with the apartment manager.) Apartment Manager: Monique's dead body means I got to get the carpet cleaned. You said the scene was clear; I called the cleaning service. Sofia: It's a good way to cover your tracks. Apartment Manager: Like I said, she'd been shacked up with some guy. Sofia: Can you describe him? Apartment Manager: (sighs) Average-looking, white dude. I only saw him from a distance. He was driving her car. Look, she was a nice, smart lady. She helped me get out of a jam with my insurance company. I know she liked the "candy," but she did not deserve to go out that way. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Greg shares his findings with Sara.) Greg: I ran Monique Carter's phone records. Someone made a dozen calls from her cell yesterday. Sara: She was dead yesterday. Greg: Yeah, and we recovered her phone from her apartment, so someone was yakking while she was lying dead on the floor dead. Sara: Let's run those numbers. (They walk past Nick. We stick with Nick and follow him back through the hallway in the opposite direction. He's looking through a file folder.) (Nick glances up as he passes by the lab and he notices the JUMBO cup out on the counter. Hodges catches Nick.) Hodges: Hey, how's the king of property crimes? My socks keep disappearing in the dryer. You want to tackle that one? Nick: What are you doing with the cup from my Zamesca scene? Hodges: That's not your cup. It's from Catherine and Warrick's 420. Nick: They found the same kind of cup at their scene? Hodges: Same everything. Watch the news lately? (Nick doesn't like it. He turns and leaves the lab.) Hodges: (calls out) Hey, what about my socks? They're not gonna find themselves. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB -- DAY] (Keppler slips into the Ballistics Lab and heads for the counter. He glances around, then looks through the stack of file folders.) (Bobby Dawson returns to the lab.) Bobby Dawson: Uh, excuse me. Uh, what are you doing? (Keppler shakes Bobby's hand.) Keppler: Hi, Mike Keppler. Sorry, didn't get a chance to introduce myself before I, uh, invaded your lab. Bobby Dawson: Uh, well, can I help you with something? Keppler: Yeah, I'm looking for the ballistics on Holstein. Bobby Dawson: Uh, yeah, just about to run them. Keppler: Great. Mind if I sit in? (Bobby sits down at the counter and runs the ballistics. Keppler stands behind Bobby, then leans in close to watch the search over Bobby's shoulder.) (The search stops: NO MATCH.) Bobby Dawson: Bullet that killed Holstein was a nine-mill, same caliber as Zamesca, but no match. Killer could have used a different gun. Keppler: Thanks, Bobby. See you later. (Keppler leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (Nick walks in as Robbins is sewing up the body.) Nick: Hey, Doc. Robbins: Hey, Nick. Nick: Want you to catch me up with Catherine and Warrick. Robbins: I haven't seen them. Nick: Where's the body from their 420? Robbins: Uh, it hasn't come in yet. It was a mortuary pickup. Nick: Who's this? Robbins: It's Monique Carter. Heroin addict, got whacked on the head. (Nick notices the Scorpio sign tattoo on the inner forearm.) (Quick flash to: [PHOTO] The photo of Zamesca with the girl with the same tattoo on her inner forearm. End of flash.) Nick: She involved with Catherine's 420? Robbins: If she was, nobody told me. Nick: Will you send me a photo of this tattoo? And when the body comes in at the mortuary, will you give me a call? Robbins: I'll get right on it. (Nick leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- NIGHT] (Sara dusts the steering wheel of Monique's car. Greg is working on the passenger side.) Sara: Seat's been pushed all the way back. Greg: Manager said he saw a guy driving. (Greg finds an envelope under the chair. It's addressed to: MS. MONIQUE CARTER 32 POINT VIEW LANE LAS VEGAS, NV 89102 (He opens and reads the letter. From what we see, the letter reads: On behalf of the Board of - writing you to inform you of your -- attempts to have you resolve the unpaid -- informed 4 months ago, you would be dropped - ineligible status if payment was not made. - outstanding amount of $8,342.00 is paid. -- Greg: She was a lawyer. Suspended for failure to pay her Bar Association dues. Sara: Lose all that to drugs, you gotta be in a lot of pain. Greg: Or you think you're too smart to get addicted. (Nick walks in.) Nick: You guys seen Catherine around? She's not answering her cell phone. Sara: Mm-mm. Nick: Anything from your scene link back to Zamesca? Sara: No. Why? Nick: Because I think your DB's the unidentified woman in the photo I found. Sara: Really? (Nick nods. He looks down and notices the foam in the cut in the front seat upholstery. Nick kneels.) Nick: And, excuse me, we found this same type of material at the Zamesca scene. If we can match it back to this car ... you could place the car at the scene. And Simon behind the wheel. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAKROOM -- NIGHT] (Catherine meets with Keppler and Warrick.) Catherine: Got a partial print off the straw from the soda cup. AFIS hit Edwin Dennison, aka "Rat." (She hands the photo to Warrick.) (Quick flash to: Dennison sips from the straw.) Warrick: Small-time drug dealer with a big-time rap sheet. Keppler: Well, I'll get Brass to bring him in, huh? Nice work. (Warrick hands Keppler the file folder. Keppler gets up and heads out of the room. Nick walks in.) Nick: I just connected Sara's vic to Simon. (Keppler stops. Nick turns around and motions Keppler back into the room.) Nick: Yeah, you might want to hear this. Keppler: What's the connection? Nick: Well, I think, that Simon was driving her BMW to meet Zamesca. Catherine: Nick, we got a print from the Holstein case. Street dealer. We're bringing him in now. And he looks dirty for Zamesca, too. (Catherine gets up and walks past Nick. Warrick notes the brush-off. Nick turns and looks at Warrick. Something's going on.) (Catherine walks down the hall with Keppler.) Catherine: Excuse me. I grew up in this town. I know about playing the odds. You are gambling with my team. Keppler: We talked about the risk going in. It's not like we can quit now. Catherine: I'm not quitting. But I don't like it. And I hate lying to my guys. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (The officers bring Edwin "Rat" Dennison in through the hallway in handcuffs. The press are there snapping photos.) (Brass follows Dennison.) Reporter: Mr. Dennison, could we have a comment? REPORTER: Is this relating to the ... (They walk out of the hallway. Undersheriff Jeff McKeen enters the waiting room where the reporters are gathered.) Jeff McKeen: Good afternoon. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (In the breakroom, Nick is eating and watching the press conference on the television.) Jeff McKeen: (from tv) The Las Vegas Police Department has successfully apprehended a suspect, one Edwin Dennison, who's confessed of multiple homicides, including that of Assemblyman Danilo Zamesca. (The caption on the set reads: UNDERSHERIFF MCKEEN PRESS CONFERENCE ASSEMBLYMAN ZAMESCA'S MURDERER ARRESTED ) (Nick definitely doesn't like this.) Jeff McKeen: (from tv) Mr. Dennison admitted to luring Mr. Zamesca to a remote location, while seeking his help to escape the drug trade. When Mr. Zamesca encouraged him to surrender to police, Mr. Dennison shot him. He later shot Mr. Holstein during a dispute over a drug deal. (Nick is more than pissed. He throws the remainder of his sandwich away and heads out of the breakroom.) Jeff McKeen: (from tv) I'd like to say how very proud I am of the swift and efficient work done that my department has done in tracking down and apprehending this dangerous criminal ... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB -- NIGHT] (Keppler enters the Ballistics Lab and finds Warrick working on the bullet.) Keppler: You know that Dawson guy gets kind of uptight when people touch his stuff. Warrick: Well, the Holstein scene bullet was fired from the same gun that you found in Rat's car. (Quick flash to: Keppler fires the bullet in the Ballistics Lab.) (Cut to: Catherine tosses the bullet into the front seat of the car.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Keppler: Done deal. Warrick: I'm not so sure. If this bullet went through the window and a guy's head ... it would have pieces of glass and bits of bone in it. (Quick CGI flash of: A gun fires. The bullet breaks through the glass and goes through the person's brain. It comes out the other side and falls onto the front seat of the car - a mess.) (End of CGI flash.) Warrick: This hollow point's clean. There's no sand-blasted effect. Keppler: Hmm. The DNA sample yet, might have been cleaned already. Warrick: There's still blood on it. Keppler: I see your point. Maybe autopsy will show something. (Keppler turns and leaves the lab. Warrick notes he doesn't appear concerned at all.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - EVIDENCE LOCKER -- NIGHT] (Nick is looking for the evidence in the Holstein case. Catherine walks past and stops in the room.) Catherine: Hey, Nick. Nick: I can't find the evidence in the Holstein case. Catherine: What do you want it for? Nick: Because that guy who confessed to killing Zamesca didn't do it. Sheriff's jumping the gun. Catherine: We have evidence and a confession. You can't just come in here and take over my case. Nick: Is there a reason you don't want me to see that file, Catherine? Catherine: Nick, as your supervisor, I'm ordering you to back off. (Catherine turns and leaves. Nick definitely doesn't like it at all.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SIDEWALK -- NIGHT] (Greg opens the door for Sara. They exit the building.) Sara: (to Greg) Thanks. (They join Nick and Warrick, who are already waiting outside.) Sara: Uh, it's freezing. Why are we having a meeting outside? Nick: 'Cause Catherine and Keppler are in there. Greg: What, have you guys been listening to Hodges? Nick: No, and this isn't about Keppler being IA anyway. This is about Catherine having a false confession and standing by it. Warrick: You'd better be able to back that one up, man. Nick: Zamesca knew Sara's and Greg's vic. He's dead, she's dead, same drugs are found at both scenes, and then ... those same drugs showed up at your crime scene? Warrick: Could have come from the same supplier. Greg: We see that all the time. I don't think it's a coincidence. Sara: (hesitates, voice lowers) You know, Catherine ... (glances behind her) ... Catherine ordered Henry to step out of his lab without putting drug evidence away. Greg: Why would she do that? Warrick: I did see Keppler checking out Zamesca's file yesterday. I didn't think anything strange about it then, but now ... (Sara again looks around.) Sara: Okay, so ... maybe there is an IA investigation. (Nick doesn't want to say it.) Nick: I can't find the Holstein evidence. Sara: What? (Nick nods.) Warrick: Catherine put it in a temporary locker. Nick: Yeah. Why didn't she put it where it belongs? Warrick: The Holstein bullet was a little bit too clean, and Keppler didn't seem at all concerned about it. He said that we would see at autopsy. Nick: Well, it's kind of hard to have an autopsy when you don't have a body, man. I talked to Doc Robbins; he's still trying to track it down. And the mortuary has no record of Catherine's phone call whatsoever. Sara: Do we have access to any of the Holstein evidence? Warrick: We got the car. (Warrick remembers something.) Warrick: Catherine sent it to the impound. Greg: Well, at least we know where it is. Nick: All right, that's it. We're a team now, the four of us. We can't trust Catherine and we can't trust Keppler. I'm serious. I'm gonna run with this one. Warrick: (nods) I'll run with you. (Nick slaps Warrick's shoulder. He knew he could count on him.) Warrick: (to Sara) You? (Sara looks at Nick as she weighs it. Then -- Sara: I'm in. (They turn and look at Greg.) (Greg nods.) (Nick nods. It's settled. He heads inside.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LVPD IMPOUND LOT 17 -- NIGHT] (A tow truck exits the open gate. Nick walks in. The lot attendant turns and sees Nick. He tries to stop him.) Lot Attendant: Hey. Hey, you! Nick: Try to stop me and I'll have you put in jail. (The lot attendant backs off. Nick heads over to the car. He cuts the seal open.) (Nick opens the car door and checks the blood spatter on the seats, on the door and on the inside car window.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- NIGHT] (Sara is in Grissom 's office. The box delivered to him from 7X11, "Leaving Las Vegas," is still on his desk. Sara slides some magazines on his desk closer to her and toward the top drawer. She opens the desk drawer, reaches under the small animal skull and pulls out a key. In one smooth movement, she tucks the key under the magazines and things, closes the desk drawer and heads out.) (We linger on the large unopened box on Grissom's desk.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LVPD IMPOUND LOT 17 -- NIGHT] (Nick is on the phone.) Warrick: (from phone) Brown. Nick: (to phone) Hey, Warrick, it's Nick. When is the last time you found high-velocity exit spatter with no brain and no bone? Warrick: (from phone) Never. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CSI - EVIDENCE (TEMPORARY) LOCKER -- NIGHT] (Sara knocks on the door and walks in.) Nick: Got the evidence yet? Warrick: (to phone) You know what? Sara's here. And she has the key. Got to go. (Sara shows Warrick the key. She's still hesitant about all of this.) Sara: You know. I really hate deceiving people because, eventually, you get what you give. Warrick: I hate being deceived. (Sara unlocks the door and she opens it. Inside are two boxes marked HOLSTEIN.) Warrick: Yes. (Warrick grabs the first box and heads back to the table.) Warrick: All right. (Sara reaches for the second box.) Warrick: Anything I collected, we ignore. (Warrick cuts the seal.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB -- NIGHT] (Nick is in Trace processing his own samples. He runs several samples through the machines.) (Hodges returns.) Hodges: You running your own samples? Smart, considering that you're the odds-on favorite in the IA pool. Nick: There's a pool now? Hodges: Oh, yeah. Nick: Who's number two? Hodges: That would be me. Nick: Number three? Hodges: Grissom. (The machine beeps. Hodges reaches for the printout, but Nick stops him. Hodges backs off. He tries to look at it, but Nick folds it in half. Nick leaves the lab.) (When Nick leaves, Hodges presses REPRINT on the printer. The printer reprints the results.) OPERATOR: HODGES ACQUIRED: 01/25/07 14:39 INSTRUMENT: GC/MS Ins (The results for whatever Nick was processing show ETHYLENEDIAMINE TETRA-ACETIC ACID "EDTA".) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT] (Warrick places the driver's window glass on the table. He examines it and finds something. Nick walks in.) Nick: How's it going in here? Warrick: This glass wasn't shot out. Take a look at that. (Warrick steps aside to let Nick look through the magnifying glass.) Nick: Spark plug? Warrick: The only mark a spark plug makes is a nick at the center. Now, who would know about that? Nick: Crooks. And cops. And, hey, get this. The blood found in Holstein's car had high levels of EDTA. Anti-coagulant. Warrick: Means the blood didn't come from his head; it came from his arm. Nick: That means this crime scene was staged. Warrick: Well, if Keppler is IA, Catherine can't tell us anything if she wanted to. Nick: Yeah, if this is all IA BS, then why would they play it out in the press? Warrick: Maybe Brass can help us out. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (Warrick enters the hallway. He sees Brass exit his office. Warrick starts toward Brass and starts to call out to him, but stops.) (Keppler steps out of Brass's office and they talk.) (Warrick watches them for a moment. They appear to be on the same page and very friendly.) (Brass and Keppler both turn and look at Warrick.) (Warrick backs away and leaves without speaking to Brass. Brass walks over to the group of officers in the hallway.) Brass: Let's roll. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. STRIP CLUB -- NIGHT] (Thomas Simon is back and is talking with someone. Brass and some officers walk into the strip club.) Officer Mitchell: (to radio) I got a 20 on Simon, right here. (Thomas Simon looks up.) Brass: (loudly) Thomas Simon, you're under arrest! You two -- step over there. (The girl and the man Thomas Simon was with leave. The overhead music stops.) Thomas Simon: Is there a problem, Detective? Brass: A problem? We're charging you with the murder of Danilo Zamesca. Thomas Simon: You already got a guy for that murder. I saw it on the news. Brass: Well, it's good to meet an informed citizen. (Officer Mitchell finds a gun.) Officer Mitchell: Nine-millimeter. Brass: Get him out of here. (Officer Mitchell pulls a handcuffed Thomas Simon out with him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (Keppler and Jeff McKeen stand outside in the hallway. Inside the interview room, Catherine and Brass talk with Thomas Simon and the lawyers.) Woman: Even your own district attorney said she wasn't aware. Man: There's no way you'll get a jury to believe this evidence wasn't fabricated. Woman: We're done here. (She stands up and heads out. She slows and looks at Jeff McKeen as she passes him.) (The team of attorneys leaves. Brass steps out into the hallway and sighs.) Jeff McKeen: All right. Which one of you screwed this up? Brass: I'm looking at him. You dropped the ball, man. You never cleared this operation with the DA, and now, she says she can't tell fact from fiction. She's not going to file charges against Simon. Jeff McKeen: She's a tight-ass. I told her what I thought she needed to know. Brass: Did you hear what I said? Now, what are you going to tell the sheriff? (Jeff McKeen turns and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAKROOM -- NIGHT] (Catherine and Keppler talk with Nick, Warrick, Greg and Sara.) Keppler: It's called reverse forensics. Greg: Reverse forensics? Catherine: Simon had to believe it when he saw it on the news. Keppler: He was a fugitive. The only way to get him to show his face was to make him think he was off the hook. Warrick: And your only option was to fabricate evidence and make me process it? Greg: How could you think that we wouldn't figure it out? It's kind of what we do. Catherine: I understand how you all feel. I am sorry. I did not have a choice. Nick: We trust you with our lives, Catherine. You could have trusted us with this. Catherine: Sara? Sara: If I have something to say to you, Catherine, I'm gonna say it in private. No offense. Catherine: Okay, look. We can still get Simon. He only walked on Zamesca. He drove Monique Carter's vehicle out into the desert. Nick's established that. Did he kill her, too? (Nick looks away and shakes his head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - NIGHT] (Greg shares his findings with Catherine.) Greg: Three calls were made from Monique's cell phone to Simon's strip club after she died. Catherine: There's another half a dozen calls to Hugh Griffin, Bud Small, Frank Townsend. All known associates. Greg: He was using her phone to do business, thinking it was safe. (Quick flash to: [APARTMENT] Thomas Simon is on the cell phone as Monique's dead body is on the floor.) Greg: (V.O.) Oh, yeah, the last call was made to his wife's cell. END OF FLASH. CUT TO: [INT. MONIQUE'S APARTMENT -- NIGHT] (The door opens. Nick and Sara) Nick: What hasn't been cleaned? (Nick looks around and heads for the kitchen.) Sara: Furniture. Nick: If Simon was hiding out here for a couple of weeks, he had to eat, sleep and use the bathroom. So, what did the cleaners miss? (Sara takes out the crime scene photos and compares it to the room.) Sara: There used to be a pillow here. Maybe ... he slept on the couch. I'm going to pull some hair 'cause you never know. Nick: We'd have to get a court order to compel a DNA sample from Simon. That takes time. Brass can only stall this guy's release for a couple hours, you know. (Sara does a tape lift and finds a lot of hairs.) Sara: Yeah, it's going to take days to sort through these. (Nick sighs and looks under the sofa cushions. He finds a bedsheet. He lifts the cushion and finds the handle. He smiles at Sara.) Nick: Sara. Sara: It's a pullout. (Sara dusts the handle for prints as Nick watches.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB] (Nick is running the print through the database. He finds a POSITIVE MATCH for: THOMAS SIMON DOB: JULY 21, 1972 AGE: 34 HEIGH: 5'8" WEIGHT: 147 LBS EYES: BLUE RACE: CAUCASIAN s*x: MALE HAIR: BROWN LAST KNOWN ADDRESS: 431 DADSCELL CT. LAS VEGAS, NV 89117 [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB] (Keppler takes Simon's gun out of the box as Warrick watches. He removes the cartridge and finds blood and hair stuck to the bottom.) (He shows it to Warrick.) (Quick flashback to: Monique fights with Thomas Simon. Monique Carter: (screams) Give me something. You better give me something! (He hits her on the head with his gun. She falls to the floor.) INSERT: PHOTO OF MONIQUE'S POST-MORTEM SHAVED IMPACT INJURY (Simon injects Monique's arm with the drug.) END OF FLASHBACK. CUT TO: [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - NIGHT] (Officer Mitchell escorts Thomas Simon down the hallway. Brass steps out right in front of them.) Radio Host: (V.O.) Welcome back to the voice of Las Vegas, KWMS radio. Today, Thomas Simon, alleged drug kingpin, was charged with the slaying of former attorney Monique Carter. (Officer Mitchell pulls Thomas Simon off to the side hallway as Brass watches.) Radio Host: (V.O.) Ms. Carter and Assemblyman Zamesca were classmates in law school, and police are continuing to investigate the link between the two crimes. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. RESTAURANT -- NIGHT] (Catherine and Keppler talk.) Keppler: So I dig up a ghost. I know he has a son who was killed by drug dealers, she's being killed by drugs. He's got a savior complex, so I use her to lure him out into the desert. It's why I drive her car. So he'll recognize it, feel safe. Catherine: You are aware that you talk about the killer in the first person? Keppler: That's the point, isn't it? Clouds my judgment to identify with the victims. Our job is to catch killers. (sighs) Guess it helps me to think like one. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (Warrick and Nick step out from the locker room into the hallway. Warrick is carrying his bag while Nick is putting his jacket on.) Warrick: You want to, uh, get a drink or something? (Nick starts down the hallway.) Nick: Nah. No, I'm, I'm tired. I'm going home. Warrick: Nick. Nick! (Nick stops and turns to look at Warrick.) Warrick: (quietly) Let it go, man. (Nick doesn't say anything. He turns and leaves.) (We hold on Warrick. After a beat, Warrick turns and leaves as well.) Radio Host: (V.O.) Tonight we're talking about anti-drug legislation sponsored by the late Assemblyman Danilo Zamesca. It was passed into law today by the Nevada State Legislature. Tony from Seven Hills, you're on the air.

Keppler persuades Catherine to help him fake a crime scene and deceive their colleagues in a controversial plan to catch the west coast's biggest illegal drug supplier, who is the leading suspect in the murder of an anti-drug assemblyman who was gunned down in the desert. Keppler concocts the plan when the suspect disappears and his trail grows cold after several weeks. Meanwhile, Sara and Greg investigate a heroin addict found dead in her apartment due to blunt force trauma.

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_02x02

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_02x02_0

MVO: I have an aunt who, whenever she poured anything for you, would say, "Say when." (Meredith is lying on the bathroom floor) Meredith: It's not us. It's them. Them and their stupid boy penises. They didn't tell me they had a wife. They gave absolutely no warning that they were going to break up with you. (Cristina opens the shower door, where she is lying completely dressed) Cristina: It's not that Burke broke up with me. It's how he broke up with me. Like it was business. Like it was a business trans like he's the boss of me! Meredith: He is the boss of you. Cristina: And what's worse is that I care. Meredith: I'm gonna throw up again. (Cristina closes the shower door) MVO: My aunt would say, "Say when," and of course we never did. (Meredith looks like she's going to throw up) Meredith: No. Wait. False alarm. (Cristina opens the shower door) Cristina: Look, the problem is estrogen. Meredith: No, the problem is tequila. Cristina: I used to be all business, and then he goes and gets me pregnant. Meredith: With the stupid boy pen1s. Cristina: Now, I'm having hormone surges. He ruined me. I'm ruined. He turned me into this fat, stupid, pregnant girl. Who cares! Estrogen! (She slides the shower door shut again) Meredith: Penises. Penises Izzie. (The bathroom door opens and Izzie and George walk in. George to brush his teeth and Izzie with a bottle of water. The shower door is open again) Cristina: Estrogen George. George: Okay. (To Izzie) What did I miss? (Izzie pours some water into a glass that Cristina is holding out) Izzie: I came home to full on vomit drama. Apparently she dumped Derek and her (sounds scandalized) she's been sleeping with Burke! George: I knew that. MVO: We don't say "when" because there's something about the possibility of more. (Izzie gives George a look and George turns to face Meredith) George: So you really broke up with Shepherd? (He starts brushing his teeth) Meredith: I feel empty. Izzie: Two hours of vomiting will do that to you. (Both Izzie and George are now brushing their teeth looking at Meredith) MVO: More tequila. More love. More anything. More is better. Meredith: (To herself) No, I feel empty. Cristina: You're lucky. I feel pissed off. (She slides the door shut) (SGH Parking lot) (Meredith slams the door of her car. George, Cristina and Izzie get out slowly after her. Derek is waiting for her.) Meredith: Stop. Derek: What? Meredith: You're stalking me. Stop it. Derek: Did we not communicate last night? Meredith: Yes. Derek: Did you hear what I was saying? Meredith: Your wife screwed your best friend. Derek: And then from that point on she no longer existed to me anymore. Meredith: You had marital amnesia? Derek: No. Come on I bared my soul to you last night. Meredith: It's not enough. Derek: How can that be not enough? Meredith: When you waited 2 months to tell me and I had to find out by her showing up, all leggy and fabulous and telling me herself, you pulled the plug. I'm a sink with an open drain. Anything that you say runs right out. There is no enough. (Meredith goes inside, George and Izzie follow) George: She probably could've picked a better metaphor. Izzie: Give her a break. She's got a hangover. (Burke is inside and spots Derek entering) Burke: Dr. Shepherd. Derek: Dr. Burke. Burke: Ah, we have an organ donor coming in this afternoon from Wilkeson General. We're doing a harvest. Derek: Commendable, but (The interns look on while waiting for an elevator) Burke: In OR one at four. Derek: I'm in OR one at four. Burke: Your surgery is non-critical Derek: You can't bump me! Burke: you'll be first up tomorrow. As Chief I can. Derek: Interim chief. Bump somebody else! Burke: You're in the OR we need. Derek: Why don't they do the harvest at Wilkeson? Burke: Small facility in the boonies. A duck in a box. We have the location, the airport nearby and the staff. Your surgery is rescheduled. (Elevator opens and the interns get in) Cristina: "Mine's bigger than yours." (Alex enters the elevator before it closes) Alex: Whip it out. I'll measure. Cristina: Shut up, Alex. (Burke and Cristina exchange glances as the elevator doors close) (Bailey and her interns in the ambulance bay) Medic: Male, 55, victim of a head-on collision. GCS is 3. Depressed skull fracture. Multiple internal injuries. ACLS protocol started, but was vein blew so we've been pushing meds down the tube. PEA on arrival. Bailey: How long has he been down? Medic: We've been doing CPR for about 20 minutes. It took fire 20 minutes to get him out of the car. He's pretty much gone. Bailey: Uh, he's not gone until we say he's gone. Keep coding. (Enter the hospital) Bailey: O'Malley, get him into a bay and save him. George: But he's dead. (Another ambulance approaches, Alex, Cristina & Izzie make their way over to it) Bailey: Did you not hear me? He's not dead until we say he's dead. You know what to do so do it. (George stands there) Uh, Grey, you're on this too. Move. (Meredith enters the hospital and leaves George still standing there) Medic 2: We've got three more victims from the other car people coming in. Let's move people! Meredith: Come on (George follows Meredith) George: But he's dead. (In the trauma room, George is preparing to shock the already dead patient.) George: Olivia. (To other doctors) Pulseless V-Tach. Meredith: Line's in. George: Okay, charge to 200. Olivia: 200. George: Clear. (Shocks the body) Meredith: Push 1 of epi. Let's go again. Charge to 300. George: Seriously? Olivia: I think that's what Dr. Bailey wants you to do, George. Dr. O'Malley. Meredith: It's what she wants, Dr. O'Malley. George: Okay then. Let's charge to 300. Olivia: 300. George: Clear. (Ambulance bay) Medic 3: Male, 46, unrestrained driver of the car that jumped lanes. BP 80 over palp. Tachycardic. Last pulse 1:38. Got two liters of LR running wide open. Significant abdominal tenderness. Bailey: Any history? Medic 3: Uh, wife says he's got a bad liver. He's one the, ah transplant list. Bailey: Abdomen's rigid. Okay hand's off. We need to page Burke and Domner. Prep this guy for the O.R. Who wants him? Izzie: I do! Alex: I do. Cristina: I do, I do. Bailey: Uh, too late. Stevens, take it. Izzie: Yes. (Izzie joins them) Bailey: Karev, take the boy. (Another gurney enters and Alex joins them) Bailey: Yang, you take the mom. (Cristina joins the next gurney) Bailey: I want to be looking at their films in 15 minutes! (Doctor nearby hands Bailey a chart) Doctor: We've got one more for you. (Points at the ER) Bailey: What? In there? Oh, ok. (Bailey enters the ER) Bailey: What is it? Doctor: That guy. (Points to Mr. Hubble) Bailey: He was in the accident? Doctor: No. Bowel obstruction. He's not telling us what he ingested but the films look like he's packing. Bailey: Can't people figure out a better way to move drugs? (Bailey enters George's trauma room) Bailey: Grey! (She sees what George is doing) Oh pericardiocentesis. Good. Any response? George: Mm mmm. Bailey: Okay, uh, all right you guys can George: Should I call it? Bailey: What would you do next, O'Malley? George: I would call it. Bailey: To save him. George: Oh uh I don't know. A pericardial window. Bailey: Excellent. Do it. (She gestures to Meredith) Grey, you're down here. I've got a bowel obstruction for you. Meredith: Fun. George: Well, at least your patient is still alive. (Meredith and Bailey leave, George and Olivia are alone with the patient) Olivia: What next doctor? (George looks at her, not at all pleased) (Richard's room. Derek is trying to check Richard out be he keeps moving) Derek: Ok, stop it. Richard: Okay. Stop. That's it. Derek: That is not it. Richard: Come on, please, stop it. That's it. Derek: That is not it Richard. Hold still. Richard: How can I hold still when you're poking me? Derek: I have to poke you to discharge you. (A woman enters) Adele: What makes you think he wants to be discharged? (Richard looks up shocked) Derek, don't you know that this hospital will crumble unless Richard's here holding up the walls? Richard: Adele, you're supposed to be in the Virgin Islands. Adele: Oh you are in 5 kinds of trouble Mr. Man. (She walks up to him and gives a kiss on the cheek) You had brain surgery and didn't tell me? Richard: It was just a small procedure. Adele: It was brain surgery! Richard: I didn't want to ruin your vacation. Adele: You don't know what a vacation is. How would you know how to ruin it? Richard: Well anyway (he stops and gives her a look) How did you find (he stops and then gives Derek a big old glare) You called my wife? (Derek looks up from the chart he was writing in startled) Derek: You called mine. (Richard is silent) Look having someone home with you is the only way I'm letting you out of here today. Richard: Fine. (Addison enters) Addison: I thought I saw a fabulous looking woman walk by. Adele: Addison! Yes see (She walks up and they hug) I told Richard, I knew you and Derek would get back together. Addison: Ah, actually, I'm here on a case. Derek: Addison and I are over, Adele. Addison: It's not like we're divorced. Derek: Practically divorced. Adele: You've had counseling? Derek: We had adultery. That was enough. Adele: Hmm. Addison: I'll call you later, ok? (Addison leaves and Adele walks over to Derek) Adele: You should give her a chance, Derek. Derek: It's good to see you. (He gives a kiss on the cheek) Keep him in line. (Derek leaves) (Scott, one of the accident victims is getting ready for x-rays, Alex is nearby) Scott: My mom's ok, right? Alex: Yeah, yeah, I think so. Scott: They'd been fighting at breakfast. Dad it's ugly when it gets like that. He ran three stop lights before we even got on the freeway. (Lea, another of the accident victims is getting checked out by Cristina) Lea: My husband Bob's a, a really good driver. (Scene switches back and forth between Lea and Scott) Scott: Some guy in a pick up cuts us off. Lea: Safe. I uh think he saw something in the middle of the road and Scott: And my Dad just lost it. Lea: and swerved to avoid it. Scott: He started chasing the guy Lea: The crash just, just came out of nowhere. Scott: blasting through traffic Lea: We'd been having a really nice morning. One minute everything's fine and the next Scott: screaming at him. Lea: I see a guy's face before we hit. Scott: The next thing I know, we're upside down on the other side of the freeway. Lea: Do the surgeon's know that Bob has a bad liver? Cristina: They know. Lea: How's Scotty? Cristina: Your son's in the next room getting x-rayed. Scott: My dad, he Alex: He's in surgery. It's pretty serious. Scott: Yeah? Well. I guess the son of bitch got what he deserved. (Alex stares at him) (Mr. Siebert's OR) Dr. Domner: What makes people think they don't need seatbelts? Burke: My end is done. Dr. Domner: Well, the bowel's a mess, but it's repairable. It's a lot of work, I don't see the point with this liver. Burke: What do you see, Dr. Stevens? Izzie: A deep laceration, bleeding. Burke: What else? Izzie: It's hard and pale. Cirrhotic. They said he's on the transplant list. Burke: Does he have family here, Stevens? Izzie: A wife and son. (Lea and Cristina's room) Cristina: Okay, I'm just gonna roll you over. Gently. (Rolls her and notices a large bruise on her back) Cristina: Oh. This looks pretty bad. How did you get this? Lea: Well, we hit so hard Cristina: I don't think this is from the collision. It looks a couple of weeks old. (Lea doesn't answer) (Bailey enters George's room) Bailey: Where are you? George: I can see his heart. His heart that's not beating. Bailey: Okay, ah open the pericardium and aspirate. If the heart is still not beating close and call it. (George looks upset) What? You think we're defiling this man's body? George: Well, well we're certainly doing more than Bailey: than what? (George looks resigned) If they're dead or dying when they come through those doors you hump and hump hard. Why? George: For the experience. Bailey: Uh, no what else? There's something more. (George doesn't have an answer) You think on that. It'll come to you. (Bailey leaves the room) (Meredith wheels Mr. Hubble to the elevator) Meredith: You know, Mr. Hubble, you might make things easier on yourself if you just tell us what you've ingested. We'll know anyway, once we see your films. Mr. Hubble: You have the most beautiful features. They're delicate. Almost porcelain. Meredith: Mr. Hubble, whatever you've ingested could kill you. Are you sure you don't want to tell me what's got you blocked up inside? Mr. Hubble: It ah might offend you. Meredith: Is it drugs? Mr. Hubble: It's not drugs. Meredith: Mr. Hubble Mr. Hubble: I promise. It's not drugs. (Elevator opens) Meredith: Okay. Well, Good. I'm glad it's not drugs. (Meredith is receiving Mr. Hubble's films) Radiologist: Its drugs. Looks like at least 10 balloons in his bowel. (Meredith holds up the film in the light to see for herself) My guess, cocaine. (Bailey is looking at x-ray films with Alex and Cristina) Alex: Scott Seibert,18. No fractures or internal bleeding. Got pretty lucky. Bailey: Recommendation? Alex: Keep overnight for observation. (Cristina puts up her x-ray film and switches on the light screen) Bailey: Damn! Cristina: Lea Seibert, 43. Multiple healed fractures on her clavicle and humerus. Third and fourth rib. Bailey: She's either a bull rider or she's abused. Alex: Kid said the accident was road rage. His old man got cut off in traffic, went ballistic. Cristina: Oh, that's not the story I got. (She puts up another x-ray) She has a large yellowing bruise over her right kidney. Tender to palpitation. Said she got it from a fall last week (Bailey scoffs). She's bleeding. Bailey: Perinephric hematoma. What do you do? Cristina: It should take care of itself. We'll keep an eye on it. She needs ah bed rest and a shrink. (Meredith walks in with her films of Mr. Hubble) Meredith: It's drugs. Bailey: Stupid. (she takes the x-ray film and puts it up on all already lit screen) Stupid, stupid. One burst and he's dead in 5 minutes. Okay what do we do? Meredith: Run his bowel. Bailey: And what does that mean? Yang? Cristina: Ah running the bowel entails removing all 36 feet of the intestine from the body cavity, hand searching for the balloons and then cutting them out. Bailey: Grey, book an O.R. Yang, Karev you're in. I need all the hands I can get. (Bailey, Meredith and Cristina start to leave but Alex continues to stare at the x-ray. He walks up closer to it) Alex: Are you sure they're balloons? (They stop at the door and Bailey walks back) Bailey: You have reason to believe they're not balloons? (Alex points to the screen as Meredith and Cristina walk back in as well) Alex: This one here's has got a face. (Bailey dims the light on screen a bit. The balloons take on more face like structures) Meredith: So does that one. (They all look dumfounded) Cristina: They all do. Bailey: I'll be damned. They're Judys. Cristina: Judys? Bailey: Huh. He swallowed the heads of 10 Judy dolls. (The camera closes up on a doll face on the x-ray) Cristina: Ew. (Seattle Scenes) (Nurse's station) (Cristina is sitting on a chair at the nurse's station. Alex is standing looking over a chart at the desk while Meredith is putting a file away) Cristina: My mother used to buy me Judy dolls. Manhattan Judy, Surfer Judy, Disco Judy. Meredith: I always wanted one. Cristina: I dissected them. Cut of their arms, shaved their heads. (Mr. Hubble is getting ready for his operation) Alex: Sounds like there's a sick and twisted story behind this. Cristina: No they're sexist, distorted devil toys (Bailey comes around the corner which Alex notices) that create unrealistic image expectations (Alex waves bye to Cristina & leaves) carrying to the p0rn driven minds of men. Bailey: You swallow a bitter pill this morning, Yang? (Cristina turns around and then sits up and starts typing on the laptop in front of her) They're dolls. Grey, call for a psych consult. Then see if he has family. Meredith: Do I still book the OR? Bailey: Blocked bowels become necrotic bowels. Check with Dr. Burke. See if we can bump someone. Those Judys' gotta come out today. (Mr. Siebert's OR) Nurse: Hanging another B neg. Dr. Domner: He's going through a lot of blood. Nurse: Noted. Burke: What's the word from UNOS? Izzie: He's on the list, but they don't have a liver for him. Dr. Domner: The list won't help him now. We can work all day but this liver won't stop bleeding. And it won't support his recovery from surgery. Izzie: What about the donor from Wilkeson that's coming in? Burke: That liver has already been committed. Mr. Seibert's only hope is a family donor. Dr. Domner: Maybe we should call it? No use in tying up an OR if we're just postponing the inevitable. Burke: How much work do you have here to complete, Dr. Domner? Dr. Domner: 5, maybe 6 hours. Burke: Then that's how much time we have to find him a new liver. Dr. Domner: You're the chief. (George, still trying to revive his patient) George: Any family members waiting? Olivia: Still trying to reach them. George: Good. I mean, not good that we haven't reached them. Good I don't have to ah Olivia: It's always hard. George: Yeah. Olivia: I'm sorry about Alex. (George squeezes the gun harder) George: That's fine. It's good you know. No need to talk about it. Olivia: You do understand that I had s*x with him before you, not during? (George squeezes the gun really hard) Because when you and I were having s*x George: I understand. Olivia: I just wanted to clear the air. George: Oh. It's clear. (Again squeezes the stitch gun really hard) Perfectly clear. Ok. Olivia: Ok. George: Ok. Olivia: And about the syphilis George: We really don't have to talk about this. Olivia: Which is I mean, I didn't know I had it. I should've, I'm a nurse. I mean there was the sore and I was all itchy. (George squeezes the gun hard again) George: Ok! (He backs away and almost knocks the tray next to him over) You know I uh, uh got it. You know things happen. (He moves to the door far away from Olivia) Olivia: They, they really do. Things you wish you could change. George: Yeah. Oh, it's the Chief. I gotta take this. Olivia: Sure. George? (George leaves eager to get away) Olivia: You have to call it. George: Call it? Olivia: Him. George: Oh, uh (he grabs his pager to check the time) um, time of death 1.48. (He walks out) (Scott and Alex enter an elevator. Scott is punching his gurney) Alex: I got it. (The other doctor leaves and the elevator doors close) Alex: This guy came in this morning with 10 Judy doll heads in his abdomen. Is that some kinda sick or what? I mean, when you think about it, those things can't be that easy to swallow. They've still got their hair on them. That's some bad spaghetti. Dude's crapping toys. (Scott almost smiles but is too upset. Alex sighs) Alex: You know, when you're little you can hide. Ignore the shouting, the screaming, you pretend like you're someplace else. Then when you get older, bigger, you feel like you should be doing something. Something to stop it. You know, to protect her. (Scott still hits the side of the bed) And when you can't, you don't know who to be angrier at, Your old man or yourself. Usually it's yourself. Scott: Did she tell you? Alex: She didn't have to. It's all over her films. He's not beating you, is he? Scott: No, just her. So what do you do? About the anger? (Elevator doors open) Alex: Me? I think about the guy who eats doll heads. He's got problems. (As they are leaving the elevator, Izzie runs up) Izzie: Hey, I've been looking for you guys. Scott: It's my father. (Burke is in Lea's room, talking to her about Bob) Lea: Bob liked his beers. His liver started to fail a couple of years ago. He quit drinking and we put him on the transplant list, but his blood type. Burke: B-negative. Lea: There just aren't that many available. They suggested a family member. Burke: Any luck? Lea: My son. They said Scotty is a good match. He's 18 Cristina: Family members shouldn't do it out of obligation. It's a risky operation. (Burke looks at Cristina) Lea: Scotty's had counseling. You know, they just don't let you do it. (Cristina nods) He hasn't made his mind up yet, you know. (Cristina notices Burke staring at her) We actually have a date set for surgery. I just (She cries a little) I just don't I don't want to pressure him. Cristina: Well, then you shouldn't. Lea: Oh, god God, I don't want to lose Bob. Burke: We'll give your son as much time as we can to make a decision. Yeah? Lea: Thank (she continues to cry) (Everyone leaves, Burke stops Cristina in the hallway) Burke: Would you care to explain? Cristina: Seibert is a wife beater. Her films show years of abuse. Burke: I didn't know that but still Cristina: Multiple fractures. She has a kidney bleed from a beating she took last week. Plus, it was it was his road rage that caused the accident. The guy in the other car died! Burke: And that means what? No heroic measures? We leave him on the table? Cristina: Well if it were up to me Burke: Think like a surgeon Dr. Yang! We have a dying patient and a liver that could save him. Cristina: Well this more complicated than that. Burke: No. For social workers, yes! For the family. Not for you. It isn't up to you! (Burke starts to leave) Cristina: Yeah, you've made that perfectly clear. (He hears this and walks back quickly) Burke: Well, I'm glad we have an understanding. Cristina: I'm sure you are. (She walks off in the other direction. Burke walks off as well) (Burke is walking with Patricia) Burke: The donor from Wilkeson? Patricia: Should be here at 3. Harvest team's on their way in. Burke: I also need to touch base with the transplant centre about Seibert getting his son's liver. (Meredith walks up) Meredith: Dr. Burke? (They stop walking) Dr. Bailey needs an OR and they're all booked. Burke: For? Meredith: An emergent bowel obstruction. (She hands him Mr. Hubble's x-ray) Burke: Drugs? Meredith: 10 Judy doll heads. Burke: Seriously? Meredith: Yes. (Patricia looks at the film as well) Patricia: I can see their little faces. (She puts on a voice) Help. Let me out. (Burke pulls down the x-ray film quickly) Burke: Bump Warner's hernia in 1. But don't tell him what we're removing. (He hands Meredith the x-ray film back) Meredith: Thank you. (He and Patricia continue walking and Meredith walks off in the other direction) (Burke enters Richard's office to find Adele there) Adele: If he can't be here obsessing, he wants stuff to obsess with at home. (Patricia walks in) I'll be done and out of your way in a moment. (Patricia hands Burke a piece of paper) Patricia: Intern time cards. Sign. (She waves to Adele, who waves back and leaves the office) Adele: It's always something isn't it? Some emergency surgery, some annoying administrative problem. (Burke looks at her as he signs the time cards on the round table in the room) Being chief is a lot like being an intern. The work never stops. (Burke sits down in Richard's chair) Adele: You know when I found out Richard had a tumor you know what I felt? Relieved. (Burke is looking at the computer screen not really listening) I was hoping he'd finally be forced to retire. (He looks up at Adele at this piece of news, intrigued) Ah. That has your attention doesn't it? How we both would like that to happen. (She grabs her bag) I could finally book a vacation for two. (she chuckles) You know you're perfect for this job, Preston. Unattached, obsessive. This hospital, this job, it's enough for you isn't it? (Adele) (Scott's room) Scott: It has to be today? Izzie: Thanks. (To Scott) He won't make it off the table with his own liver. He's bleeding a lot. Scott: When you get counseling they tell you not to force it. The decision you know. One day, one moment you just know the right thing to do. It should be easy, right? He's my father. Alex: Well it's a tough operation. It'll be a big change in your life. Izzie: The upside is that the liver is the only organ that regenerates itself. (Alex looks annoyed at this) I mean they'll only take half of yours and it'll be back to normal size in 2 months. You probably won't be running any marathons any time soon but (Alex grabs Izzie's arm and interrupts) Alex: Dr. Stevens, can I see you outside for a moment? (He pulls Izzie outside into the hallway) Izzie: What is your problem? Alex: (angry) You're doing a sales pitch. The recipient is your patient. You shouldn't even be talking to the donor. Izzie (defensive): The recipient is his father who he's going to lose if he doesn't make a decision. Alex (angry): And he understands that alright? Believe me he understands that. You have no idea what is going on in that kid's head! None! (He walks back in to the room leaving Izzie looking perplexed) (George is wheeling Richard out) Richard (to George): Call 3 times a day. Adele: Do not call 3 times a day. Richard: Look and if my wife does not put you through Adele: I won't put you through. Richard: Keep calling until she does. George: Yes sir. (Adele gives George a look. He shakes his head no at her but Richard doesn't see) (Bailey, Meredith and Raj are dicussing Mr. Hubble) Raj: He's not talking. It could be pica. Doubtful for a man his age. Maybe an Oedipal complex or an idolization of the doll as his partners. (Bailey gives him a weird look) Or it could be that he simply enjoys it. Bailey: Now I've seen a lot of strange things in strange places but how does he enjoy this? (Meredith walks back up to them) Raj: He'd enjoy it when they came out. Bailey: I didn't need to hear that. (Addison walks by) Addison: Dr. Grey, may I speak with you for a moment? (Meredith looks at Bailey who moves to sign the chart Raj is holding out) Bailey: Don't look at me for help. (Meredith walks up to Addison and they walk down the hallway together) Addison: I assumed he told you why he left me. (Meredith looks annoyed at this and stops walking in front of Addison) Meredith: Dr. Shepherd with all do respect, this has nothing to do with me. (Meredith walks off but Addison follows her) Addison: Really? So you didn't take him back. Good girl. Meredith: And in the future I'd appreciate it if we could keep our relationship strictly professional. (Addison stops walking and Meredith continues to walk away. Addison calls out to her and Meredith turns around) Addison: Meredith. Sometimes people do desperate things to get someone's attention. (Meredith makes a face and walks away) Addison (calls out): There are two sides to every story! (Cut to Cristina, Izzie and George walking in the outdoor caf with food trays) Cristina: The father is an alcoholic wife beater. I mean there shouldn't even be a question. Izzie: But if you could save somebody and you didn't, wouldn't you feel like you were committing murder? Cristina: Like the guy did when crashed into George's DOA. He's the killer not the son. (George stops when he sees and empty table with 10 headless Judy dolls sitting all arranged in a circle) George: Oh! That is sick! Izzie: Who would do that? (They look to the table where Alex is sitting, smiling) Cristina: Oh. (she picks up a Judy) Look! See Judy fly. (She throws it at him and he ducks to the side so doesn't hit him) (Olivia walks by with her own tray as they all sit down at the table with the Judys) Olivia: Hey, George. George: Hey. (The interns look at George) George: What? Meredith: George. She was trying to make up with you. You should go eat with her. (George picks up a Judy and starts playing with it) George: No. No, I shouldn't. Izzie: She's cute and she likes you. You shouldn't let a little syph get in the way. George: It's not the syph. Cristina: It's so the syph. George: It's not the syph! Izzie: Then what is it? (George doesn't answer and looks down) Oh. Meredith: What? (George shrugs) What is it? Out with it. Izzie: There's this other girl. George: Izzie! Cristina: Other girl? You have another girl?! Izzie: He hasn't told her yet that he likes her. George: Izzie! We are not in high school. Izzie: George has a little crush. George: I do not have a crush. (Cristina laughs while Meredith looks at George contemplating who is still playing with the Judy doll) George: It is a thing. A thing that is very personal. One day I would like to build on this thing with this other girl. Woman. She's all woman. (Meredith snatches the Judy doll away from George and slams it onto the table) Meredith: What are you doing? George (apologetic) : I was playing with Meredith (interrupts): No George, with Olivia. (She picks up the doll and starts pointing at George with it) What are you doing with Olivia? George: Oh. Nothing. Meredith: You're letting her think you're emotionally available. You're letting her think she has a chance. (Loudly) And there is nothing worse in the world than thinking you have a chance when you really don't! (She throws down the Judy doll) Cristina: Meredith is right. Tell her there's someone else. Tell her why George. I mean, (she yells) I mean at least give her the chance to have some feelings about for god's sake! George (shocked): Why are you yelling at me? Cristina (loud): Because of the estrogen George! Because of all the estrogen! (She takes a bite of her salad angrily. Meredith looks at George also angry. George looks taken aback by the whole situation. Izzie just tries to smile it off) Izzie: So new subject. (Burke and Derek at the OR board) Derek: It's a mess. Burke: No it isn't. Derek: I think I know a mess when I see a mess. You've got the harvest tying up OR 1. Seibert tying up OR 2. Bowel obstruction in OR 3. Burke: It's simply a bit crowded. Derek: Well, your "crowded" is my "seriously overbooked." And in my book seriously overbooked is a mess. (A scrubs nurse walks up to Burke and Derek) Nurse: They need to know if there's any word on the Seibert liver. Burke: How much time do they have left? Nurse: Couple of hours. Burke: Tell them I'll be in to see them. (The scrubs nurse walks off. Dr. Warner and his staff walk down the hallway up to Burke) Dr. Warner: You bumped me for a bowel obstruction? Derek: Ooh, uneasy lies the head that wears the chief's cap. (Derek walks off) (Meredith and Mr. Hubble are headed to his surgery) Meredith: Was it an act of desperation? Mr. Hubble: Not at all. Meredith: Something to attract attention? Mr. Hubble: Of course not. Meredith: I'm just trying to understand here, Mr. Hubble. Why 10 doll heads? Mr. Hubble: Well because 11 would've been too much. (Mr. Hubble's surgery. All of the interns are there helping) Izzie: I think it's something to do with his mother. Maybe she always wanted a girl and gave him Judy dolls for his birthday presents. George: Ah, ah I've got another one. (He pops up a Judy doll head in the intestine) Meredith: Uh! Bailey: Doyen clamps to Yang. Grey, push the head up to the incision. (Meredith starts squeezing the doll head up through the intestine) Alex: Maybe his mother looked like Judy and he's into voodoo. Instead of sticking pins in... Heh. (They pop a small black doll head with an afro out of the intestine) Bailey: Yep. Ah. (She holds up the doll head with a clamp) Black Judy. What they gave her long hair back when she had the afro. She came with 'go go' boots and a leather jacket. (She puts the doll head into a large silver basin) Shame it's a real collector's item. Alex: Collectable dolls with a twist. Cristina: Seriously, you can identify these dolls by their heads? Bailey: You got a problem with that Yang? I like Judy dolls. I own Judy dolls. The only problem I have with Judy dolls that are in the bowel of this man. (Burke walks into the O.R) Burke: Bailey, I need an intern in the ER to meet the harvest donor. Bailey (she looks at George): O'Malley. Cristina (to George): See ya, boo-boo. (George leaves the operating table) Burke: You good here? Bailey: Couple more heads to go. Burke: Then Karev, Yang, Stevens scrub out. I need to get an answer from Seibert's son. (Cristina and Burke share a look. He leaves the O.R and they all start scrubbing out. Bailey removes another Judy doll head) Bailey: Ah yes. Mod Judy. Came with a yellow vesper. You know what's strange? Meredith: We haven't had enough strange? Bailey: She looks a little like you. (Meredith doesn't respond to that. Bailey dumps the doll head into the silver basin) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to Olivia opening the doors of a patient room. George is a few feet behind her with a chart and is being followed by a nurse and 2 doctors wheeling a man on a hospital bed) Nurse: This is the donor from Wilkeson General. George: Just put her in here (he gestures to where Olivia is) until the ah harvest team comes done. Thanks. (They wheel her into the room) George: Well this, this one's heart is still beating. (They all leave except for George and Olivia. Olivia shuts one of the doors to the room. She and George share a look) George: I think Bailey would want me to ah (George starts checking the patient and Olivia walks to the other side of the bed and puts on the monitor) Olivia: We finally reached the family members of the dead motorist. Live in Portland. Should be here in a few hours. Want me to page you when they get here? George: Yeah. Do they know? (She walks behind George) Olivia: Only that we were still working on him. (She clicks on a switch) I think it's always better to hear bad news firsthand. (George gets a look on his face) I know I'd like to talk to the doctor who called it. (She speaks quietly) Get some answers. (Normal voice) So I could get on with my life. George (tries to ignore this): Ah. Olivia: George. (He presses down on the patient's sternum and the patient reflex's her whole body upwards off the bed) George: Did you? Did you see that? (He does it again) George: She's decerebrate. Her brain's, her brain's stem is still alive. (The transplant team has come to the room and opens the wide door/wall Olivia closed. Dr. Orsen, the doc in charge with several other doc's come in) Dr. Orsen: Okay, we'll take it from here. George: But, would you look at this? (He pushes down on the patient again who reflex's up again) Dr. Orsen: She's decerebrate. (to the other doctors) Okay. George: Yeah but she can't really be declared brain dead. (They start wheeling the patient out) Dr. Orsen: It's a small reaction. They probably just missed it. The cortex is dead. The brain stem will follow. (The team start wheeling the patient down a hallway) Death is imminent we just have to wait it out. (George looks shocked and confused by this as Dr. Orsen follows the team) George: Yeah, but don't you Dr. Orsen (interrupt): She'll be dead by the time we get to the O.R doctor. (The team walk off) George (to himself): But she's alive now. (Alex enters Scott's room with a wheelchair) Alex: It smells like a hospital in here. (Bob's OR) Dr. Domner: What are we doing with this guy Preston? Is this just an exercise? I don't need the practice. Burke: Transplant committee gave us the green light. Trying to get an answer from the son. Dr. Domner: Well this guy goes through his liver like there's no tomorrow. And I mean that literally. Burke: How much work do you have left now? Dr. Domner: Maybe an hour and a half. But without a liver I don't think this guy is going to last that long. (Burke just looks at Mr. Seibert) (Cut to Mrs. Seibert lying on her side in her patient room. Cristina checking her back) Lea: I need to speak to Scotty. I can talk to him. I need to talk to him. (Cristina is done and Mrs. Seibert rolls on to her back) Cristina (avoids eye contact): I think they want him to make the decision on his own. Lea: You think I'm sick for wanting me to save my husband. Don't you? Cristina: I think you're feeling very emotional and when we're feeling emotional sometimes it's, sometimes it's hard to keep a level head and consider all the facts. . Your husband killed a man on the highway today. He almost killed you and your son. Those are the facts. Lea: Have you ever been in love Doctor? (Cristina looks at her) Have you? Cristina: Love has its limits. (Cristina walks out while Mrs. Seibert shakes her head) (Cut to Derek walking down a hall eating a snack. George comes racing after him) George: Dr. Shepherd! (Derek stops and turns to meet him) Derek (chewing): Dr. O'Malley. George: I was just in the ICU with harvest donor and ah Dr. Bailey, she has us do exams and procedures on patients even if they're Derek (interrupts): Whatch you find? George: Ah, she's decerebrate. The donor, her brainstem is still alive. (Cut to Derek and George walking quickly down the O.R hallway. They come up to the transplant team with the donor) Derek: Excuse me, Derek Shepherd. Head of Neurosurgery. Do you mind if I take a look? (He starts checking the patient) Dr. Orsen (looks like he can't believe this is happening): Ah, okay, yeah she's ah still fostering. We have every intention of waiting until she's dead. She's in an irreversible coma. (Derek pushes on the patient's sternum who reflex's up again) Dr. Orsen: Hines, the neuro at Wilkeson ran the protocol. Derek: They missed decerebration. What else did they miss? (He grabs the donor's chart and flips through it) She has a tumor, ah on her brain stem right? I don't see the M.R.I. Did you do an EEG to confirm brain dead? (Dr. Orsen shrugs his shoulder annoyed that this is even happening) Dr. Orsen: Yeah, according to Hines. Derek: I don't know a Dr. Hines. (Meredith standing at the nurse's station looks up and watches the situation from afar) Dr. Orsen: We have 6 patients in 3 states waiting for this woman's organs. Derek: Yeah and I'm sure they'll all be happy to know that the organs that they'll be receiving are from somebody that's actually brain dead. (Burke walks out of the Seibert's O.R and notices the heated battle between the 2 doctors and makes his way over) Dr. Orsen: No one's going to touch her while she's alive. For you to imply otherwise Burke (interrupts): Is there a problem here? Dr. Orsen? Dr. Shepherd? Derek: Yeah we have a donor who's still decerebrate. (Cristina rounds the corner and also notices the situation and watches) Derek: I want to do an EEG and a M.R.I. Dr. Orsen: An expensive waste of time. (Burke flips through the donor's chart) Derek: I insist on it. (Burke gives Shepherd a weird look) Burke: You insist on it? Derek: I do. (Cristina and Meredith make eye contact and Meredith raises her eyebrows to say another pissing contest) Burke: If my head of neurosurgery says he needs an EEG and an M.R.I, (he hands the chart over to Derek) then he needs an EEG and an M.R.I. Dr. Orsen: You realize we have 6 patients waiting? Burke: That is not my call Dr. Orsen. Who gets the organs is up to UNOS. Who donates the organs is up to the families. Hell I've got in the O.R that's waiting for a liver that may not deserved to be saved and again that's not my call. But you want to know what my call is? Everything else. (He turns to Derek) The patient is yours Dr. Shepherd. Derek: Thank you Dr. Burke. (Dr. Orsen shakes his head and storms off. Most of the transplant team leaves as well. Shepherd and some other doctors start wheeling the patient down the hall) Derek: Dr. O'Malley do you want to assist with this M.R.I? (George follows Dr. Shepherd. Burke is left standing there and notices Cristina watching. The camera switches to Shepherd who notices Meredith watching from the nurse's station) Derek (To a doctor): Carry this for me. First we'll do an EEG. George, you with me? (Walkway outside of SGH) (Izzie rushes outside looking for somebody and notices them. Alex is taking Scott for a walk) Scott: What if he goes back to hitting her? Alex: You can't make that call. Whatever you do you can't make the decision on anger. (Izzie runs down the pathway behind them) Izzie (calls out): Alex! Scott: So what do you with it? What did you with yours? Izzie (calls out again louder): Alex! (Alex pushing the wheelchair and turns around as Izzie runs up to them and stops a few feet away) Izzie: Hey. You shouldn't be out here. Dr. Burke needs a Alex (interrupts): Can you just back off? Please? (Izzie sighs and walks to the side. Alex squats down next to Scott) Alex: My anger had a life of its own. I bulked up, became a wrestler and the next time he laid a hand on my mother I beat the living crap out of him. When he got out of the hospital he took off. Just took off and never came back. He was a cold mean tempered b*st*rd, but he was still my old man you know? (Scott nods) But now, now I can't stop wishing that I never laid a hand on him. Wish somehow that I could've worked it through. (They walk back towards Izzie) Alex: What is it? Izzie: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt you, I Alex (interrupts): What? What does Burke want? Izzie: I'm sorry Scott. He needs a decision now. (Lea's room) Lea (to Dr. Burke): When would it happen? Burke (walks over to the bed): We would take Scott to pre-op immediately. The transplant surgeon is on call and waiting. There isn't much time. Lea: Scotty. Scotty. Scott: Yeah, okay. (Mrs. Seibert tilts her head back in relief) I want to do it. Lea (whispers): Oh thank you. Burke (heads to the door): Let's get him to pre-op. I'll call the sur Scott (interrupts, staring at his mother): I have a couple of conditions. Scott: You're gonna tell the cops the truth about what happened in this accident mom. And as soon as we get back home you and I are moving out. Enough is enough. Burke walks out of the room. Cristina, Izzie and Alex follow slowly one by one[/i]) (Nurse's station) Burke: 18 year old, liver donor, no malignancy or transmittable diseases, ETA about 10 minutes. Cristina: You know she's just gonna go back to him? Burke: Well I don't know that. It's not my Cristina (interrupts, softly): It's not our call. Burke: Well, Cristina Uh I was wondering uh, I mean ah I was hoping that we can ah I know we didn't Cristina (interrupts softly): You're asking me Burke: Are you okay? Cristina: Can I scrub in? (He takes a breath and nods slightly) Cristina: Then yes Dr. Burke, I'm okay. (She walks off. Burke walks away from the nurse's station as well) Burke: Karev, let's get him to pre-op. (Cut to George and Derek in the MRI viewing room as the donor patient lies in the MRI machine. They're looking at images of her brain) Derek (points at the screen): You see the tumor on her brain stem right here? George: It looks pretty bad. Derek: You ever had a crappy day O'Malley? I mean really, really crappy? George: I have had many crappy days. Derek: This one just got better. (To Dr. Orsen in the doorway) You might as well go home gentleman. I will be the only one of us performing surgery here today. My friend here has a viable brain. Dr. Orsen (nods, difficulty): Okay. (He walks off) Doctor: That's it then. Doctor: Yep. (The rest of the transplant team head off) George: Do you really think she'll be okay? Derek: With the tumor out she's got a good shot of recovery. (He smiles at George and gets up and walks to the doorway) Derek: Look out for her. (George looks up and realizes he's talking about Meredith) George: Meredith? Derek: Yeah. (Derek walks away) (George runs into Olivia in the hallway) Olivia: Oh, um (She gestures to a waiting through a window where a family sits waiting) George: Is it the family of the dead guy? Olivia (nods): Yeah. George: Look, maybe I'm not over the Alex thing or the syph thing, yet. That, that's not really the problem. . (Olivia looks slightly pained) There's a girl who I uh, and it doesn't matter there's this other guy and frankly I wouldn't care if she gave me the Ebola virus. (Olivia smiles briefly) I like you Olivia, I but I just don't like you enough. Olivia (nods forcing a smile): I gave it a shot, right? (George slightly huffs. In a more serious tone) And you were honest. That's good. (George kisses her forehead) Olivia: You know what you're going to tell them? (George stops and walks slightly back towards Olivia. He looks at the family again) George: Why do we hump on every dead or dying patient that comes through those doors? Olivia: Experience? George: So we can tell their family that we did everything we could. (He walks into the waiting room as Olivia watches on through the window) George: Are you Ted's family? (Cut to Derek standing in an empty elevator entering something into his mobile phone. Addison walks into the elevator dressed to go home) Derek: Just when the day was improving. Addison: You told Meredith what happened? (He puts the phone away and walks over to the other side to push an elevator button) Derek (he gives her a weird look): I did. What did you tell her? (The doors to the elevator shut) Addison: That sometimes people do desperate things to attract attention. Derek (disbelieving): What? Wow. That's your side of this? That I didn't pay you enough attention. Is that you were thinking when you got naked with my best friend? (Addison reaches over and hits an elevator button as well) Addison: No, by that point I wasn't thinking at all Derek. By that point I was just scratching an itch. We got successful you and me. We got busy and we got lazy. We didn't even bother to fight any more Derek. And Mark was there and I missed you. And now I'm sorry. (Derek pushes his floor button again) I'm more sorry than you can possibly imagine. But at least I'm talking to you about it. (The doors open and Derek heads out) Addison (imploringly): Derek. Derek: I'm a sink with an open drain honey. (He leaves Addison looking confused) (Mr. Hubble, post surgery) Mr. Hubble: Did you get them all? Meredith: Yes. It wasn't easy. Or very pleasant. How do you feel? Mr. Hubble: Empty. I feel empty now. Meredith: Yeah. I've been feeling a little bit of that myself lately. Mr. Hubble: I can see that. Meredith: Mr. Hubble, why does eating doll heads fill you up? What's the satisfaction? Mr. Hubble: Do you really want to know? Meredith: Would it be too much information? Mr. Hubble (half shrugs): Might. Meredith: Maybe I'm better left in the dark. (She leaves) MVO: There's something to be said about a glass half full. (Cut to Burke walking down a hallway, past Scott's post-op room where Alex sits at his bedside. Izzie is there talking to a nurse) MVO: About knowing when to say when. (Burke is in the hallway in front of the OR. board. Dr. Domner walks by and gives Burke a pat on the arm. Burke smiles and lets out a breath of air) MVO: I think it's a floating line. A barometer of need and desire. (Burke watches as a scrubs nurse wipes of some surgeries written on the OR board and starts writing on new ones) MVO: It's entirely up to the individual. (Burke is walking up to the doorway of Mrs. Seibert's room. Mrs. Seibert who is actually looking more bruised and battered than before sits up. The camera shows 2 police officers in there with notepads) MVO: And depends on what's being poured. (Burke walks past one of the OR's. Bailey holding a plastic bag filled with 10 Judy doll heads. She shakes her head in displeasure of it all and throws it in the waste bin) (Burke is smiling walking down a hall. He stops when sees Cristina a few feet away. She stops walking as she's about to enter a room. They make eye contact and stare at each other for a bit.) MVO: Sometimes all we want is a taste. (Cristina breaks and walks into the room. Burke turns and continues walking) MVO: Other times, there's no such thing as enough. The glass is bottomless. (Derek is operating on the donor transplant patient in an OR. George stands very close next to him observing. In the gallery, Dr. Burke is standing watching the procedure. He moves and leaves the room. As he moves he reveals Meredith standing there watching as well) MVO: And all we want is more. (Derek operating and then back to Meredith watching him)

Adele cuts her vacation short to come and care for Dr. Webber who is still recovering from surgery. Cristina and Meredith both express a great deal of bitterness toward their past doctoral flames. After having worked with nurse Olivia all day, George admits that he likes someone else. Cristina, Alex and Izzie treat the victims from a car crash where the father needs a liver transplant, but his son doesn't want to donate because of the way his father abuses his mother. Meredith and Bailey treats a man who has swallowed the heads of ten Judy dolls. George consults Derek when he believes that an organ donor is still alive.

fd_Teen_Wolf_01x04

fd_Teen_Wolf_01x04_0

Radio: In other news, local authorities remain perplexed by the animal attacks plaguing Beacon Hills. Kate: Nice driving, Kate. Nice. No! No! No! Come on! Come on! Allison: What's going on? Chris: Your aunt Kate just texted. I'm heading out to pick her out. Allison: But it's 2:00 in the morning. Is everything okay? Chris: Yeah, yeah. She's just having a little car trouble. Allison: Not serious, is it? Chris: No, just a flat tire. Go - go back to bed, sweetheart. Chris: Get in. Kate: Not even "hello," "nice to see you"? Chris: All I've got at the moment is "please put the assault rifle away before someone notices." Kate: That's the brother I love. Chris, there were two of 'em. Chris: The Alpha? Kate: I don't know, but one of them tried to kill me - Chris: One of them is gonna lead us to the other. He can't do that if he's dead. Kate: Well, I can't help kill either of them if one of them kills me first. Chris: How long will it take? Kate: Give him 48 hours - If that. Kate: I don't see you for a year, and you turn into a fricken runway model? Allison: Oh - Kate: Look at you! Oh! Hate you. Allison: I haven't even showered yet. Kate: Sweetie, you're a knockout. In fact, I hope you have the boys knocking each other's teeth out for your attention. Allison: I kind of have one. Kate: You kind of have one? Well, you should kind of have a million. Allison: Need some help unpacking? Kate: No, not that one. Oh. See? You turn out beautiful, and I end up with this kung fu death grip. Sorry, sweetie. I didn't mean to be so rough. Allison: No worries. Hey, is everything okay with your car? Kate: Uh, yeah. I just needed a jumpstart, that's all. Allison: A jumpstart? Stiles: If Derek isn't the Alpha, if he's not the one who bit you, then who did? Scott: I don't know. Stiles: Did the Alpha kill the bus driver? Scott: I don't know. Stiles: Does Allison's dad know about the Alpha? Scott: I don't know! Jeez. Stiles: Dude, you need to study more. That was a joke. Scott, it's one test. You're gonna make it up. Do you want help studying? Scott: No. I'm studying with Allison after school today. Stiles: That's my boy. Scott: We're just studying. Stiles: Uh, no, you're not. Scott: No, I'm not? Stiles: Not if I'm forced to live vicariously through you. If you go to her house today and squander that colossal opportunity, I swear to God I'll have you de - balled. Scott: Okay. Just - Stop with the questions, man. Stiles: Done. No more questions. No more talk about the Alpha or Derek. Especially Derek - who still scares me. Derek: Where's Scott McCall? Jackson: Why should I tell you? Derek: Because I asked you politely, and I only do that once. Jackson: Hmm. Okay, tough guy. You know, how about I help you find him if you tell me what you're selling him? What is it? Is it, uh, Dianabol? Hmm? HGH? Derek: Steroids. Jackson: No, girl scout cookies. What the hell do you think I'm talking about? Oh, and, uh, by the way, whatever it is you're out selling, I'd probably stop sampling the merchandise. You look wrecked. Derek: I'll find him myself. Jackson: No, we're not done - Phone: I'm finished with lacrosse practice at 5:00. I'll be over after that. Lydia: Scott's coming over? Tonight? Allison: We're just studying together. Lydia: "Just studying" never ends with just studying. It's like - Getting into a hot tub - Somebody eventually cops a feel. Allison: Well, so what are you saying? Lydia: I'm just saying, you know, make sure he covers up. Hello, snow white! Do it with him with a condom. Allison: Are you kidding? After one date? Lydia: Don't be a total prude. Give him a little taste. Allison: Well, I - I mean, how much is "a little taste"? Lydia: Oh, God. You really like him, don't you? Allison: Well - He's just different. When I first moved here, I had a plan - no boyfriends till college. I just move too much. But - Then I met him, and - He was different. I - I don't know. Can't explain it. Lydia: I can. It's your brain flooding with phenylethylamine. Allison: What? Lydia: I'll tell you what to do. When's he coming over? Allison: Right after school. Lydia: Hmm. Stiles: Oh, my God. Scott: Oh, no no - no - no, not here! Stiles: You've gotta be kidding me. This guy's everywhere - Scott: What the hell? Scott: What are you doing here? Derek: I was shot. Stiles: He's not looking so good, dude. Scott: Why aren't you healing? Derek: I can't. It was - it was a different kind of bullet. Stiles: A silver bullet? Derek: No, you idiot. Scott: Wait, wait. That's what she meant when she said you had 48 hours. Derek: What? Who - who said 48 hours? Scott: The one who shot you. What are you doing? Stop that! Derek: I'm trying to tell you, I can't! Scott: Derek, get up! Scott: Help me to put him in your car. Derek: I need you to find out what kind of bullet they used. Scott: How the hell am I supposed to do that? Derek: 'Cause she's an Argent. She's with them. Scott: Why should I help you? Derek: Because you need me. Scott: Fine. I'll try. Hey get him out of here. Stiles: I hate you for this so much. Allison: Hey. What was he doing here? Scott: Stiles was just, um, giving him a ride. Uh, long story. Allison: But I thought you said you weren't friends with him. Scott: No, not really. Um, we're still studying together, right? So I'll meet you back at your place? Allison: Yeah. Scott: Okay, bye. Allison: See you later. Allison: How did you - You got here at the same time I did. Scott: Oh. Yeah, I-I - I just took a shortcut. Really short shortcut. Allison: What is going on with you today? You're acting all kinds of bizarre. Scott: I'm just - stressing about classes. I'm not doing as good this year. Allison: Not doing as well. Scott: See? Exactly. Allison: Maybe we should start with English? Don't worry! Nobody's gonna be home for hours. Come on. Scott: Okay. Allison: I'm still unpacking. Scott: Uh - Haven't you been here for, like, over a month? Allison: I'm taking my time. Scott: Hey, um - So, uh, I figure that we - Start with, um, history - Allison: What's wrong? Scott: Nothing. I just - I-I - Don't wanna make you feel like you have to do something you don't wanna do. Allison: I'm not doing anything I don't wanna do. Are you? Scott: Seriously asking me that question? Allison: Are you gonna answer that? Scott: Um, uh, it's probably just Stiles. It'll go to voice mail. Eventually. Wait! Um - Uh, yeah, I should answer it now. Stiles: Hey, try not to bleed out on my seats, okay? We're almost there. Derek: Almost where? Stiles: Your house. Derek: What? No, you can't take me there. Stiles: I can't take you to your own house? Derek: Not when I can't protect myself. Stiles: All right. What happens if Scott doesn't find your little magic bullet? Hmm? Are you dying? Derek: Not yet. I have a last resort. Stiles: What do you mean? What last resort? Oh, my God. What is that? Oh, is that contagious? You know what, you should probably just get out. Derek: Start the car. Now. Stiles: I don't think you should be barking orders with the way you look, okay? In fact, I think if I wanted to, I could probably drag your little werewolf ass out into the middle of the road and leave you for dead. Derek: Start the car, or I'm gonna rip your throat out - With my teeth. Scott: It's off. Sorry about that. Who's this? Allison: That's my dad's sister Kate, except she's more like my sister. She got here last night. Scott: Uh, last night? Allison: Yup. She had some car trouble, I guess. Scott: She looks familiar. Allison: Mm. She actually used to live in Beacon Hills. Maybe you saw her once. Scott: Did you take these? Allison: Back when I thought I was a photographer. Scott: They're good. Allison: No, they're not. I stopped when I realized I was terrible at it. Framing's off, bad lighting - Believe me, not good. That was when I thought I was good at painting. Uh, terrible too. That's when I tried poetry. "Terrible" doesn't even come close to describing that. Scott: What are you good at? Allison: I'm gonna show you if you promise not to laugh. So I was nationally ranked as a kid, and my dad really wanted me to go on, but I don't know. I just didn't really like it. Promise you won't laugh? Scott: I promise. What the hell is that? Allison: It's a compound bow, and I'm pretty sure it requires an arrow to be harmful. Scott: So that's what you're good at. Archery. Allison: You said you wouldn't laugh. Scott: Trust me, I'm - Not laughing. Allison: So I guess I should explain. We're not some sort of separatist gun - nut family. My dad sells firearms to law enforcement. Scott: Oh, that's good. So, um - Are you planning on joining the family business? Allison: I don't know. You tell me. Would I look hot with a gun? Scott: Hotter without. Kate: Hey, Chris! Get your ass out of the '50s and come help with the groceries. Chris: Be right there! Kids, you mind helping? Allison: Sure. Scott: No problem. Chris: Great. Chris: Thank you. Scott: So do you still wanna study? Chris: I think she'll concentrate better on her own. Scott: Guess I'll see you later then? Chris: At school. Scott: Right. Allison: Scott. Chris: Eh, eh, you, on your bike, you inside. Kate: Oh, come on, Chris. Really? They were making out in the garage, not shooting amateur p0rn. You, with the adorable brown eyes, drop your bike. You're staying for dinner. Chris: Do you eat meat? Scott: You don't mind? Chris: Actually, no. Give us a chance to get to know each other. Victoria: Would you like something to drink besides water, Scott? Scott: Oh - No, I'm good. Thanks. Chris: We can get you some beer? Scott: N - no, thanks. Chris: Shot of Tequila? Allison: Dad. Really? Chris: You don't drink, Scott? Scott: I'm not old enough to. Victoria: That doesn't seem to stop many teenagers. Scott: No, but it should. Kate: Good answer. Total lie, but well played, Scott. You may yet survive the night. Chris: You ever smoke pot? Kate: Okay, changing the channel to something a little less conservative. So, Scott, uh - Allison tells us you're on the lacrosse team. I'm sorry. I don't know anything about that. How do you play? Scott: Um, well, you know hockey? It's a lot like that, only, um, played on grass instead of ice. Chris: Hockey on grass - Is called field hockey. Scott: Oh. Yeah. Allison: So it's like field hockey, except the sticks have nets. Scott: Exactly. Kate: And can you slap check like in hockey? Scott: Um - Yeah. But it's only the, uh, the gloves and the sticks. Kate: Sounds violent. I like it. Allison: Scott's amazing too. Dad came with me to the first game. Wasn't he good? Chris: He was fine. Allison: He scored the last shot, the winning shot. Chris: True, but he didn't score at all until the last few minutes. Allison: His last shot ripped a hole through the goalie's net. It was incredible. Chris: Well, I think the goalie was probably playing with a defective stick, so - Scott: You know, on second thought, um, I think I'll take that shot of Tequila. Chris: You were kidding, right? Scott: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Stiles: What am I supposed to do with him? Scott: Take him somewhere, anywhere. Stiles: And, by the way, he's starting to smell. Scott: Like - like what? Stiles: Like death. Scott: Okay, take him to the animal clinic. Stiles: What about your boss? Scott: He's gone by now. There's a spare key in the box behind the dumpster. Stiles: You're not gonna believe where he's telling me to take you. Derek: Did you find it? Scott: How am I supposed to find one bullet? They have a million. This house is like - the fricken Walmart of guns. Derek: Look, if you don't find it, then I'm dead, all right? Scott: I'm starting to think that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Derek: Then think about this. The Alpha called you out against your will. He's gonna do it again. Next time you either kill with him or you get killed. So if you wanna stay alive, then you need me. Find the bullet. Kate: You look like a little lost puppy. Scott: Just looking for the bathroom. Kate: Bathroom? Does that look like a bathroom? Scott: No. Kate: No. Use the guest bedroom. Scott: Okay.Thanks. Stiles: Does Northern blue monkshood mean anything to you? Derek: It's a rare form of wolfsbane. He has to bring me the bullet. Stiles: Why? Derek: 'Cause I'm gonna die without it. Scott: Hey, um, I should get going. Um, thanks for dinner. Kate: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You have to stay for dessert. I wanna know more about you. Sit down. Scott: Okay. Victoria: Allison was just telling us that you work for a veterinarian. Allison: I told them how you put the cast on the dog I hit. Scott: Yeah. Chris: What does your boss think of the animal attacks? Any theories? Scott: Everyone was just saying it's a mountain lion. Kate: It'd have to be a pretty large mountain lion. Victoria: What do you think, Scott? Scott: I don't know. We usually get cats and dogs at the vet. Nothing that vicious. Chris: Never had to deal with a rabid dog? Oh. I grew up with a lot of dogs. I saw one get rabies from a bat. It was transferred through the bite. You know, people think that a rabid dog just suddenly goes mad. It's a lot more gradual. First stage is subtle changes in behavior - They're restless, morose. It's the second stage that people know - the furious phase. That's when they attack. And we're talking any moving object. Did you know that a caged rabid dog will break its own teeth, trying to chew through the bars? It'll even rear back and snap its own spine. Can you imagine the amount of force it would take to do that? It's a complete character reversal. This harmless animal - Turned into a perfectly vicious killer. And it all started with that one bite. Allison: But it died, didn't it? Victoria: Yes, because your grandfather shot it. Allison: Because he wanted to put it out of its misery. Chris: Because it was too dangerous. Something that out of control is better off dead. Stiles: Okay. You know, that really doesn't look like anything some echinacea and a good night of sleep couldn't take care of. Derek: When the infection reaches my heart, it'll kill me. Stiles: "Positivity" just isn't in your vocabulary, is it? Derek: If he doesn't get here with the bullet in time - Last resort. Stiles: Which is? Derek: You're gonna cut off my arm. Allison: I'm so incredibly sorry. Scott: For what? Allison: For that being the worst, most horribly awkward dinner ever in the history of horribly awkward dinners. Scott: No. Uh, it wasn't the worst. There was this one dinner where my parents told me they were getting a divorce. This comes in at a close second. Your dad's watching. Allison: Good. Kate: Wait a second, guys. Allison: What is it? Kate: Uh, I have to ask Scott something. Scott: Me? Kate: Yeah, you. Scott: Okay. Kate: Uh. What'd you take from my bag? Scott: What? Kate: My bag. What'd you take from it? Do you need me to repeat the question, maybe enunciate more clearly? Chris: What are you talking about? Kate: My bag was open in the guest room, and when I left it was shut. And Scott comes in to use the bathroom, he leaves, my bag's open. Allison: He didn't take - Kate: Something was taken from my bag. Now, look - I hate to be the accuser here, Scott, because I really do love those adorable brown eyes, but I don't know if you're a klepto, if you're curious, or - or if you're just stupid. But answer the question. What did you take? Scott: Nothing. I swear. Kate: You don't mind proving it, do you? Allison: Are you serious? Kate: How about you show us what's in your pockets? Allison: Dad? Kate: Come on, Scott. Prove me wrong. Allison: Uh, I'll prove you wrong. Uh, it wasn't Scott going through your bags. It was me. Kate: You? Allison: Mm - hmm, me. Stiles: Oh, my God. What if you bleed to death? Derek: It'll heal if it works. Stiles: Ugh. Look - I don't know if I can do this. Derek: Why not? Stiles: Well, because of the cutting through the flesh, the sawing of the bone, and especially the blood! Derek: You faint at the sight of blood? Stiles: No, but I might at the sight of a chopped - off arm! Derek: All right, fine. How about this? Either you cut off my arm, or I'm gonna cut off your head. Stiles: Okay, you know what, I'm so not buying your threats any - Oh, my God. Okay. All right, bought, sold. Totally. I'll do it. I'll do it. What? What are you doing? Holy God, what the hell is that? Derek: It's my body - Trying to heal itself. Stiles: Well, it's not doing a very good job of it. Derek: Now. You gotta do it now. Stiles: Look, honestly, I don't think I can. Derek: Just do it! Stiles: Oh, my God. Okay, okay. Oh, my God. All right, here we go! Scott: Stiles! Stiles: Scott? Scott: What the hell are you doing? Stiles: Oh, you just prevented a lifetime of nightmares. Derek: Did you get it? Stiles: What are you gonna do with it? Derek: I'm gonna - I'm gonna - Scott: No. No, no, no, no. Stiles: Derek. Derek, come on, wake up. Scott, what the hell are we gonna do? Scott: I don't know! I can't reach it. Stiles: He's not waking up! Scott: Come on. Stiles: I think he's dying. I think he's dead! Scott: Just hold on! Come on. Oh! I got it! I got it! Stiles: Please don't kill me for this. Ugh! Ow! God! Derek: Give me - Scott: Up! Stiles: Ow! God - Stiles: That - Was - Awesome! Yes! Scott: Are you okay? Derek: Well, except for the agonizing pain. Stiles: I'm guessing the ability to use sarcasm is a good sign of health. Scott: Okay, we saved your life, which means you're gonna leave us alone, you got that? And if you don't, I'm gonna go back to Allison's dad, and I'm gonna tell him everything - Derek: You're gonna trust them? You think they can help you? Scott: Well, why not? They're a lot freaking nicer than you are. Derek: I can show you exactly how nice they are. Scott: What do you mean? Scott: What are we doing here? Scott: Who is he? Derek: My uncle. Peter Hale. Scott: Is he - like you, a werewolf? Derek: He was. Now he's barely even human. Six years ago, my sister and I were at school, and our house caught fire. 11 people were trapped inside. He was the only survivor. Scott: So - What makes you so sure that they set the fire? Derek: 'Cause they're the only ones that knew about us. Scott: Well, then - They had a reason. Derek: Like what? You tell me what justifies this. They say they'll only kill an adult, and only with absolute proof, but there were people in my family that were perfectly ordinary in that fire. This is what they do. And it's what Allison will do. Nurse: What are you doing? How did you get in here? Derek: We were just leaving. Allison: Hey. Um - I just thought maybe I'd catch you before you went to sleep, but, uh - I wanted to say sorry again for tonight. So - Call me. Kate: The one that attacked me was big. It had width and power. But the one I shot was lean and fast. Chris: Well, that would be Derek Hale. Kate: Are we sure? Chris: Mostly. Kate: Well, how do we know it's just two of 'em? Chris: We don't yet. But if Derek's still alive, he will lead us to the Alpha. Kate: Take the pack leader, and take the pack. Chris: And we do it according to the code. Kate: You and the code. Chris: It's there for a reason, Kate. Kate: Of course. I always play by the rules.

Kate Argent, Allison's aunt, arrives in town and is attacked by the Alpha. While fighting it off, she shoots Derek. Now, Scott has to make it through an awkward family dinner with the Argents to get a bullet to save him, while Stiles and Derek attempt to slow the effects of the wound.

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fd_Doctor_Who_1963_21x05_0

THE AWAKENING BY: ERIC PRINGLE Part One First Air Date: 19 January 1984 Running time: 25:18 [SCENE_BREAK] JANE: Ben? Ben? Are you there, Ben? JANE: Careful! You'll kill someone. [SCENE_BREAK] JANE: Don't touch me! Get off! WOLSEY: It's only me. JANE: Ben. Ben, you're mad! WOLSEY: Nonsense, my dear. Just a bit of fun. JANE: Fun? JANE: Sir George, you must stop these war games. HUTCHINSON: Stop them? Why, Miss Hampden, you of all people, our school teacher, should appreciate the value of reenacting actual events. It's a living history. JANE: It's getting out of hand. The village is in turmoil. HUTCHINSON: So there's been a little damage. That's the way people used to behave in those days. It's a game. You must expect high spirits. JANE: Not when people can get hurt. It must stop. HUTCHINSON: And so it shall. We have but one last battle to fight. Join us. See the merit of what we do. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Is that any better? DOCTOR: Er, no. No, no, still some time distortion. TEGAN: Is there a problem? We are going to Earth? DOCTOR: Date, time and place asked for. How else could you visit your grandfather? TURLOUGH: We're nearly there. DOCTOR: See? DOCTOR: Hmm. Well, we've arrived. TURLOUGH: We've hit an energy field. DOCTOR: Unexpected aura for a quiet English village. TEGAN: Let's get out of here. TURLOUGH: Quickly, Doctor. Relocate the TARDIS. TEGAN: Hold on! There's something out there. DOCTOR: He's trapped. If there's another fall, he'll be killed. TURLOUGH: We can't go out there! TURLOUGH: Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: He's gone. DOCTOR: Hello? Hello! DOCTOR: Wait, please. TEGAN: Did you see his clothes? We're in the wrong century. TURLOUGH: We're not. I checked the time monitor. It is 1984. DOCTOR: Let's have a look around. [SCENE_BREAK] HUTCHINSON: I don't understand you. Every man, woman and child in this village is involved in these war games except you. Why? It's great fun. An adventure. JANE: I understand that. HUTCHINSON: Then join us. Your influence could temper the more high-spirited, prevent accidents. JANE: Look, I don't care if a few high-spirited kids get their heads banged together. It's gone beyond that. Suppose what happened to me happens to somebody else, a stranger, a visitor to the village. HUTCHINSON: There will be no visitors to the village. It's been isolated from the outside world. No one can enter or leave. JANE: You can't do that! HUTCHINSON: Can't I? It's been done. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Where'd he go? TURLOUGH: Well, if he can move that quickly, he can't be hurt very badly. DOCTOR: Interesting. TEGAN: I don't like it. DOCTOR: Then admire the craftsmanship. Seventeenth century. Probably of a man being chased by the devil. Must admit I've never seen anything quite like it before. TEGAN: Looks as though a bomb's hit the place. TURLOUGH: Maybe it did. TEGAN: Can we find my grandfather? TURLOUGH: What was that? DOCTOR: A ghost. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Why'd they build the church so far from the village? TEGAN: Perhaps they were refused planning permission. DOCTOR: Behave yourselves. We have company. TURLOUGH: We should go back. DOCTOR: Too late. WILLOW: Where do you think you're going? This is Sir George Hutchinson's land. DOCTOR: If we're trespassing, I apologise. WILLOW: Little Hodcombe, for your own safety, is a closed area. We're in the middle of a war game. TEGAN: We're here to visit my grandfather. WILLOW: You'd better see Sir George. He'll sort it out. Move out! [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Stop it! Leave me alone! WOLSEY: What's going on here? WILLOW: Trespassers, Colonel. I've arrested them. JANE: I don't believe this. WOLSEY: Are you sure you should be doing this? WILLOW: Sir George has been informed. WOLSEY: I'm sorry about this. Some of the men do get a bit carried away. We'll soon have the business sorted out and you safely on your way. DOCTOR: Thank you. It's a very impressive room, Colonel. WOLSEY: My pride and joy. DOCTOR: Seventeenth century. WOLSEY: Yes, perfect in every detail. TEGAN: What is going on? JANE: I'm sorry, I don't know. I think everyone's gone mad. TEGAN: Look, we don't want to interfere. We're just here to visit my grandfather. WILLOW: Oh yes? And who might he be? TEGAN: Andrew Verney. WILLOW: Verney? TEGAN: What's wrong? JANE: He disappeared a few days ago. TEGAN: Well, has anything been done to find him? JANE: Ben? TEGAN: Well? DOCTOR: Now calm down, Tegan. I'm sure we can sort this out. TEGAN: Oh, for heaven's sake! DOCTOR: Tegan, come back! Turlough, fetch her, will you? DOCTOR: Please. WILLOW: You! Stay where you are! [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: What are you doing? Give me that back! [SCENE_BREAK] HUTCHINSON: What's this? WILLOW: He tried to escape, sir. HUTCHINSON: He isn't a prisoner, Sergeant Willow. You must treat visitors with more respect. DOCTOR: What is going on? HUTCHINSON: A celebration. On the thirteenth of July, 1643, the English Civil War came to Little Hodcombe. A Parliamentary force and a regiment for the King destroyed each other, and the village. DOCTOR: And you're celebrating that? HUTCHINSON: Why not? It's our heritage. JANE: It's a madness. HUTCHINSON: Yes. Miss Hampden, you see, disagrees with our activities. DOCTOR: Hmm. I can understand why. HUTCHINSON: Who are you? DOCTOR: I'm known as the Doctor. HUTCHINSON: Are you a member of the theatrical profession? DOCTOR: No more than you are. HUTCHINSON: Ah. Ha, ha! How did you get to the village? DOCTOR: Through the woods, via the church. WILLOW: That's where I found him, sir. HUTCHINSON: I would avoid the church, if I were you. It's very dangerous. Could fall down at any minute. DOCTOR: Hmm, so I'd noticed. HUTCHINSON: However, since you're here, you must join in our games. It's our final battle. DOCTOR: Do you know, I'd love to, but first I must find Tegan and Turlough, and Tegan's grandfather. I gather he's disappeared. Good day! HUTCHINSON: Wait, wait, wait. WILLOW: Tegan is Verney's granddaughter. HUTCHINSON: Double the perimeter guard. He mustn't get out of the village. And help him find Verney's granddaughter. WILLOW: Right. HUTCHINSON: I've something rather special in mind for her. JANE: Detaining people against their will is illegal, Sir George. The Doctor and his friends included. HUTCHINSON: I shouldn't let that bother you, Miss Hampden. As the local magistrate, I shall find myself quite innocent. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Oh, no! Come on! Help! TEGAN: Oh, it's you. TURLOUGH: What's happening? TEGAN: Later. Let's get away from here first. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Turlough! Tegan! DOCTOR: Wait! Come back! DOCTOR: How could he get so far? WOLSEY: We'll never find her. She could be anywhere. WILLOW: Ask for more men. WOLSEY: Hutchinson won't allow it. He's got everyone guarding the perimeter. WILLOW: We're wasting our time with only four searching. If he wants her so badly, he's got to find more men. WOLSEY: Ring him. WILLOW: Not allowed. I'll have to go back to the house. WOLSEY: All right. Carry on searching, you two. Try Verney's cottage again. She might be there. I'll come with you. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Hello? I saw you enter. All I want is Tegan's bag. What have you done with her? I know you can hear me. DOCTOR: Gunpowder. CHANDLER: Sorry it took me so long. Thought he'd never eat. DOCTOR: Who are you? I'm the Doctor. CHANDLER: Doctor? That don't be a proper name. Will Chandler be a proper name. DOCTOR: I won't hurt you. CHANDLER: I will hit 'ee. My hand's hurting. DOCTOR: Show me. DOCTOR: What were you doing in there? CHANDLER: It's a priest hole, innit. I hid from fighting. DOCTOR: What fighting? CHANDLER: What fighting? Ere, where you been then? DOCTOR: What year is this? CHANDLER: Ah, I knows that one. Year sixteen hundred and forty three. DOCTOR: Sixteen hundred and forty three. CHANDLER: Is the battle done? DOCTOR: Er, yes, Will. Battle's done. DOCTOR: Ah, just in time. TEGAN: Time? We almost didn't make it. TURLOUGH: We have to get out of here. TEGAN: There's something very strange going on. DOCTOR: Yes, I know. TURLOUGH: Who is that? DOCTOR: Will Chandler. CHANDLER: Sir? TEGAN: Where did he come from? DOCTOR: Ah, well, that's something we're going to have to talk about. [SCENE_BREAK] MAN (OOV.): We lost them through the woods. HUTCHINSON: Where is she? WOLSEY: We can't find her. We need more men. HUTCHINSON: I want Tegan, not excuses, Wolsey. JANE: Don't listen to him, Ben. HUTCHINSON: Miss Hampden, you are beginning to bore me with your constant bleating. WILLOW: She doesn't understand. We must have our Queen of the May. HUTCHINSON: Precisely. Think of it as the resurrection of an old tradition. JANE: Not the way you'd like to celebrate it. I know the old custom of this village. I know what happens to a May Queen at the end of her reign. WOLSEY: We're not going to harm her. JANE: You might not. I'm not so sure about them. HUTCHINSON: The tradition must continue. Something is coming to our village. Something very wonderful and strange. WOLSEY: We must find Tegan. JANE: You're so gullible, Ben. You'll do anything he says. JANE: Right, I'm going to the police. I'll soon put a stop to this. WILLOW: Shut up! Just be grateful it is the stranger who is to be crowned Queen of the May. It so easily could have been you. WILLOW: And it still might be if we don't find her. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: There's been a confusion in time. Somehow 1984 has become linked with 1643. TURLOUGH: What about the apparitions? DOCTOR: Psychic projections. TEGAN: The man we saw when we arrived? He was real enough. DOCTOR: Still a psychic projection, but with substance. TURLOUGH: Matter projected from the past? That would require enormous energy. DOCTOR: An alien power source. TEGAN: What about Will? DOCTOR: A projection, too, and at the moment a benign one. TURLOUGH: This crack has got larger. DOCTOR: Yes. Ominous, isn't it? As is the fact your grandfather has disappeared. I think it's time I sought some answers. TEGAN: Where? DOCTOR: The village. TEGAN: Always so scientific. DOCTOR: Come on, Will. You're coming with me. TEGAN: What about us? DOCTOR: You'll be safer in the TARDIS. And don't argue. Will! TURLOUGH: You heard the Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] CHANDLER: This ain't possible. DOCTOR: Look at the others. DOCTOR: Will, in here. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: We're too late. TEGAN: We must tell the Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Strange. Will, come and see. DOCTOR: What's the matter? Will? Will, what happened in 1643? CHANDLER: Troopers come. DOCTOR: No. No, no. Something else. CHANDLER: Malus come. Malus's got to war, ain't he? He makes fighting worse. He makes them hate more. DOCTOR: The Malus is just a superstition. CHANDLER: No, no, no. I've seen Malus. I seen it. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Now where? TEGAN: He said he was going to the village. TURLOUGH: Let's go, but watch out for those horsemen. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Will, tell me what happened? How did it appear? CHANDLER: It was Roundheads and Cavaliers, and they were fighting in church. And there was a wind coming. Such a wind. And then Malus, he came from nowhere. DOCTOR: What did it look like? Like this? Did it look like this? CHANDLER: Yes! DOCTOR: It's all right, it's all right, it's all right. DOCTOR: Interesting. Come on, Will. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: It's eerie. TURLOUGH: Where is everyone? TEGAN: Oh, no! TURLOUGH: Split up! TEGAN: Let me go! WILLOW: Not yet, my dear. WOLSEY: Do you have to enjoy this sort of thing quite so much? WILLOW: Just obeying orders, Colonel. WOLSEY: That's what they all say. WILLOW: Ha! [SCENE_BREAK] HUTCHINSON: After her! You'll need some light. Get a candle. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Stay close, Will. DOCTOR: Quickly. HUTCHINSON (OOV.): Come on, hurry yourselves. Through here. DOCTOR: In here. HUTCHINSON: Keep that light near. We'll catch her before the church. Move yourselves! I don't want this to take all day. CHANDLER: They be troopers. DOCTOR: No, no, just twentieth century men playing a particularly nasty game. [SCENE_BREAK] WILLOW: Change into that. TEGAN: Why? WILLOW: Just do as you're told. Unless you want me to do it for you. [SCENE_BREAK] HUTCHINSON: She won't get far. The village is sealed. Get me Sergeant Willow. I must see how the preparations are going. And see my horse is brought round immediately. I'll spend no more time on this. JANE: It's not like Sir George to give up so easily. DOCTOR: Be grateful. Where do the steps lead? JANE: Colonel Wolsey's house. This must be the passage Andrew Verney discovered. He's our local historian. DOCTOR: Yes, Tegan told me. DOCTOR: Just a minute. JANE: What is it? DOCTOR: It's metal. JANE: It can't be. It's all squashy. DOCTOR: It's tinclavic. JANE: Tinclavic? What is it? Where has it come from? DOCTOR: The planet Ragga. Let's get back to the church. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Don't you ever knock before entering a room? WILLOW: You'd better be careful. You're beginning to annoy me. TEGAN: What are you doing? WILLOW: Those are your clothes now, compliments of Sir George Hutchinson. You're our Queen of the May. TEGAN: What? [SCENE_BREAK] JANE: Oh, slow down. What do you mean, this is from the planet Ragga? DOCTOR: Precisely what I said. The Tereleptils mine tinclavic for more or less the exclusive use of the people of Hakol. That's in the star system Rifta, you know. JANE: Oh, no. I've escaped from one madman to find another. Do you expect me to believe what you're saying? DOCTOR: Well, you take that sample to any metallurgist and they'll confirm it isn't from this planet. JANE: You're serious. DOCTOR: Never more so. JANE: Very well, then. For the sake of argument, I'll accept what you say, but how did it come to Little Hodcombe? DOCTOR: As part of a space vehicle. JANE: A space ship from Hakol landed here? Is that what you're trying to say? DOCTOR: Well, more likely a computer-controlled reconnaissance vehicle. JANE: How silly of me not to know. DOCTOR: Tell me, was Andrew Verney engaged in any research concerning the Malus? JANE: I believe he was, yes. DOCTOR: That's what must have led him to the tunnel and the remains of the Hakol probe. CHANDLER: See? I seen the Malus. DOCTOR: I believe you, Will. My sincerest apologies for ever doubting you. JANE: Doctor, the Malus is a myth, a legend. Some mumbo-jumbo connected with apparitions or something. DOCTOR: That's precisely what Will saw. You see, on Hakol, psychic energy is a force that's been harnessed in much the same way as electricity is here. JANE: But what has that got to do with the Malus legend? DOCTOR: The thing you call the Malus was on board the Hakol probe. JANE: Oh. I see what you mean. It's still here. Doctor, that wasn't there the other day. CHANDLER: Don't touch it.! JANE: He's right, Doctor. There's suddenly a very strange atmosphere in here. DOCTOR: No, come and have a look at this. CHANDLER: No! No! JANE: Look out! Doctor!

The TARDIS arrives in Little Hodcombe, Tegan wants to visit her Grandfather while they are there. Also, a war re-enactment is going on that starts to get more and more out of hand and realistic for unknown reasons.

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SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Mary Margaret is in labor and Emma Swan is driving to the Storybrooke General Hospital. Mary Margaret screams in pain. [SCENE_BREAK] David: Hey, over here. Mary Margaret: Okay, okay. (David helps Mary Margaret into a wheelchair and Emma and Henry Mills get out of the car.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Witch Farmhouse. An imprisoned Mr. Gold spins straw into gold. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Storybrooke General Hospital. [SCENE_BREAK] David: All right, breathe. (They enter the hospital.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Witch Farmhouse. Zelena observes Mr. Gold as he continues spinning. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Storybrooke General Hospital. [SCENE_BREAK] Man: Let's get that man in two. (Mary Margaret screams.) Dr. Whale: (to Mary Margaret) How are you feeling? (to a nurse) Nurse, a little help here. Nurse: Yes, doctor. (opens a door for them) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Witch Farmhouse. Zelena watches Mr. Gold. [SCENE_BREAK] Zelena: There. That'll do. You said it yourself: Spinning clears your mind. (Using magic she transforms the spun gold threads into a brain made of solid gold. Zelena opens a casket. Charming's sword hilt and Regina's heart are already stored inside. Carefully, Zelena places the brain inside.) There's just one more ingredient to collect. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Storybrooke General Hospital. Once again Mary Margaret doubles over in pain. David helps his wife to settle herself down. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Enchanted Forest. Past. Rumplestiltskin teaches Regina magic. Using magic Rumplestiltskin produces a constantly burning fire in one hand. [SCENE_BREAK] Rumplestiltskin: (to Regina) Your turn, dearie. (Regina successfully uses magic lighting a fire in her hand. Soon after that the flames cease and go out. With great difficulty Regina tries to spark the fire again.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Oz. Past. Emerald City. Zelena watches Rumplestiltskin teaching Regina magic. [SCENE_BREAK] Zelena: Really? It's not that difficult. (Zelena produces a fireball herself. Her flying monkey screeches.) Quiet. I can't concentrate with all that screeching. (Glinda enters.) Glinda: It's probably me. He was never much of a fan. Zelena: Who are you? Glinda: Glinda, the Good Witch of the South. (Zelena forms another fireball in her hand.) You can relax. I'm not here to fight you. I'm here to thank you. For showing Oz the true nature of the Wizard and standing up to him. Zelena: And you're glad that I turned him into a monkey? Glinda: A little time as your pet will do him good. He was a trickster. Offering people hope he could never deliver. You're quiet powerful, Zelena. Zelena: I know. Glinda: But you're wasting it on these foolish pursuits. Zelena: What do you know about what I want? Glinda: You want to change your destiny, but you can't go back in time. No one can. Why don't you come with me? Zelena: Why on earth would I do that? Glinda: Because I think I can offer you something that you're really looking for. There are some people that I want you to meet. Zelena: Who? Glinda: Come, meet your real sisters. [SCENE_BREAK] Storybrooke. Present day. A warehouse. Under Zelena's direct supervision Mr. Gold digs slots. [SCENE_BREAK] Zelena: There, dig. Mr. Gold: Huh? Zelena: (watches Mr. Gold closely) You think I'll fail. Mr. Gold: I think destiny is destiny. Zelena: (chuckles) You're wrong. I can change it. (places the brain in a bowl) Once I fix the past, my mother will keep me, Regina will never have been born, and I'll get everything she'll ever had. (places the enchanted heart in a bowl standing opposite to the brain) With the right ingredients I can do anything. Mr. Gold: Whether it works or not, is irrelevant, dearie. Because no matter what you change of your past, one thing shall remain the same: (Zelena places the sword hilt in another bowl.) Who you are. And that is a fate, you can never escape. Zelena: We shall see. (Zelena takes a closer look at the compass. The camera focuses on the structure using a bird's eye view. Zelena and Mr. Gold standing in the west, the enchanted heart points south. The brain points north.) [SCENE_BREAK] Storybrooke. Present day. Storybrooke General Hospital. Mary Margaret is in labor. David comforts her. [SCENE_BREAK] David: It's gonna be okay. Mary Margaret: Is it? David: Our baby's gonna be fine. It's never going to leave your arms. I don't care who's out there. Mary Margaret: That's what we thought last time. David: Yeah, but this time we have someone else on our side. (Outside Emma Swan and Regina Mills encircle the room with a protection spell) Emma: You really think this protection spell will be enough to hold her off? Regina: It depends, if your brand of magic is stronger than hers. If it is, no one wielding dark magic will be able to get in here. Emma: That doesn't sound like a vote of confidence. Regina: It isn't, but we're out of options. (Regina exits. Hook approaches Emma.) Hook: Swan? (Emma turns around) I heard the little royal was on his way. Emma: I don't think it's a good idea for you to be here right now. Hook: I wanna help. Emma: If you really wanted to help, you would have told me when Zelena cursed your lips. Hook: I had no choice. She threatened you and your family. I was trying to help. Emma: Telling me what was going on would have been help. Hook: And the death sentence for your boy. Emma: Henry's safety is my concern, not yours, which is why I'm taking this fight to Zelena. This ends today. (Watching as Emma walks past their room, David approaches his daughter.) David: Emma, wait. You don't have to do this alone. Emma: Yeah, I do. You need to stay with Mary Margaret. David: Yeah, I know, but you need help. Take Hook. Emma: Are you insane? David: He's going with you. (to Hook) You're going with her. Hook: Mm, I thought you didn't trust me, mate. David: Zelena backed you into a corner. You did the best you could. Hook: (to Emma) See? Even you're father gets it. Emma: Yeah, because he knows about keeping secrets from loved ones. David: Hey. Emma: I'm sorry. I'm doing this alone. David: No, you're not. This isn't about you. It's about all of us. Emma: What is he gonna do? I have magic. He's got one hand. Hook: You know, I'm good in a fight. David: At the very least, he can draw fire. Hook: What, now I'm cannon fodder? Emma: Fine. He can come. Hook: Fair enough. Shall we? (starts to walk away) Emma: (stops him) Hang on, give me a sec. (approaches Henry) Hey kid. Henry: Hey mom. Is the baby here? Emma: Not yet, but it will be soon. I'm sorry, but I have to go. I have to take care of this witch, but it's gonna be alright and I'll be back before you know it. Henry: I know. I'm not worried. Emma: Yeah? Henry: Defeating bad guys is what you do. (Emma hugs Henry) Regina: (to Emma) Go. I'll keep him safe. Emma: Thank you. Hook: You ready, Swan? Emma: Yeah. Let's end this. [SCENE_BREAK] Storybrooke. Present day. Storybrooke General Hospital. Archie Hopper watches Henry reading the newspaper. [SCENE_BREAK] Archie Hopper: Are you keeping up on current events? Henry: No, I'm looking at the classifieds. Archie Hopper: Oh? A little young for a job, aren't you? Henry: I'm actually looking at apartments. Mary Margaret's place will be crowded after the baby and I'll be back and forth from Regina's, but Emma, she can't sleep in her car. Archie Hopper: No, not comfortably. (Archie Hopper nudges Henry) It's really good to see you, Henry. I missed you. Henry: Me, too. (studying the classifieds) Maybe a place by the water. With a view. Archie Hopper: You know, have you spoken to Emma about this? About staying in Storybrooke? Henry: What's to talk about? We're home. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day Near Witch Farmhouse. Present day. Emma and Hook walk together. [SCENE_BREAK] Emma: I never should have brought Henry back to Storybrooke. Hook: You did what you thought was right. Emma: I did what you manipulated me into. Hook: Your parents needed you, Swan. The town needed you. Emma: Henry also needed me. We were happy in New York. Once I'm done melting this witch, I'd like us to be happy again. Hook: You know as content as you were in that city, it wasn't real. Emma: It was real for me. For him. Everything that happened happened. Hook: Minus all the things you'd forgotten. Part of you is not the real you. And like it or not, the big part of you and Henry belongs in this town. Emma: Yeah, the part of us that's always in danger. We're leaving. Hook: What does the boy think? Emma: He's a kid. He wants chocolate milk in his cereal. I'm his mother. I know what's best for him. Hook: What's best for him? Or for you? Emma: Excuse me? Hook: You've taken care of the boy quite well here. You can talk about danger all you like, but it isn't that. So, tell me, what is it? (faces Emma) Why are you so scared of staying? (Emma remains silent.) I think it's because you can see a future here. A happy one. Emma: Let me guess: With you? (Zelena approaches them. Mr. Gold follows her.) Zelena: Aww. You two are so adorable. But instead of looking for each other, maybe you should be focused on me. Although, without magic, that could prove to be a challenge. Emma: The next time you try to take my power, why don't you try enchanting the lips of someone, I'll actually kiss? Zelena: See, Emma, you've got a decision to make. You can keep your magic which makes you oh so sad, or you can save the man that you can't wait to run away from. (turning to Mr. Gold) Rumple. (Mr. Gold magically throws Hook head first in a well standing nearby.) Emma: (shocked) Hook! (tries to pull Hook up) Zelena: Choose wisely. (Emma tries harder to free Hook) Try all you like. You can't free him.(Zelena disappears in a cloud of green smoke.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Oz. Past. The Heart of Oz. Zelena and Glinda enter the room. Two other witches are already present. [SCENE_BREAK] Zelena: What is this place? Glinda: The Heart of Oz. (introducing both witches to Zelena) These are my sister witches. From the north and the east. Each represents a special part of magic. (introducing herself) Love. (points north) Wisdom. (points east) Courage. Together our abilities are far more powerful than they could ever be on their own. We can do things that no one else can. Zelena: Like travel through time? Glinda: That's not why we brought you here. (walks around the table) Zelena: But you said you wanted to help me. If you can't change my past... Glinda: (interrupting) I brought you here to change your future. (stops in the west) This seat has been empty for some time. (gives Zelena a smile) We'd like you to fill it. Zelena: What does the west represent? Glinda: The most elusive of elements: Innocence. Zelena: Well, then, I'm the last person you should consider. I mean, look at me: I'm wicked. Glinda: But you don't have to be. Innocence reclaimed can be just as powerful as innocence born. You simply have to choose to be good. Zelena: That's easy for you to say. Good is part of your name. Witch of the North: Glinda, aren't you going to tell her? Zelena: Tell me what? Glinda: I didn't want to say anything unless I had to. I wanted to let you shape your own destiny. Zelena: What could you possibly know about my destiny? Witch of the North: Glinda is the keeper of the Book of Records. Witch of the East: It chronicles the past, present and future of Oz. Glinda: The book foretells of a powerful sorceress, who will join our sisterhood as a protector of Oz. Zelena: And you think that that's me? Glinda: The book says that the Sorceress from the West will come to this land by cyclone. Zelena: I was brought here by cyclone. Glinda: That's right. We've been looking for you for a long time, Zelena. You've always been meant for more. I know you don't think so, but you can do this. You just have to let go of your past. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Witch Farmhouse. Finally, Emma is able to pull an unconscious Hook out of the well. [SCENE_BREAK] Emma: Hook! Hook! (shaking him) Wake up! Killian! (shakes him again) Killian, come back to me! Oh, God! Son of a bitch! (Emma leans closer and revives Hook. As Emma touches his lips, her magic leaves her.) Hook, come back to me. (Coughing Hook vomits water) Hook: (gasping) Swan? (lightly touching his lips) What did you do? What did you do? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Enchanted Forest. Past. Holding an enchanted heart in one hand Rumplestiltskin teaches Regina another aspect of magic. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Oz. Past. The Emerald City. Once again Zelena watches Regina and Rumplestiltskin. [SCENE_BREAK] Zelena: Sorry sis, but I'm over you. (The scene vanishes.) Glinda: (Using magic she appears behind Zelena) That was lovely, Zelena. I'm impressed. I knew you would make the right choice. (hands Zelena a magic pendant) Zelena: What's that? Glinda: A very special pendant. Each of the witches in the sisterhood wears one. (fastens the pendant around Zelena's neck) Guard it with your life, because in many ways it now is your life. You were born with great power, Zelena. And now, now this pendant will harness, protect and grow that power. All of it. Zelena: Will it make me stronger? Glinda: Than you can possibly imagine. However, the price is, without it, you're powerless. But so long as you do continue to wear it, you'll be able to accomplish untold miracles. Zelena: Does this mean... Glinda: You're one of us? Yes. Our sister. (Glinda hands Zelena a mirror) Take a look. (Smiling Zelena watches her green skin color disappearing) Zelena: (laughs) Thank you. Glinda: Don't thank me. Thank yourself. You did it all. You let go of your envy. You took control of your destiny. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Chuckles ] Incoming! [ Breathing heavily ] [ Electricity crackles ] What the hell was that? It doesn't matter. This baby's coming. Steady, men. Steady. Aim true for little John! [ Whoosh ] Oh, didn't you learn your lesson the last time? This is more powerful than your true love. I refuse to believe that. Belle, go. Listen to him, dear. No. You've put him through enough pain. And I'm not nearly done! [ Whoosh ] [ Gasps ] Your taste in women really has gone downhill. [ Laughs ] Leave her, dearie. Henry, go with Dr. Hopper. Find a closet and lock yourselves inside. You don't want to see this. It won't be pretty. Archie: Come on, Henry. No, it won't. Take another step, and I'll roast you. Please. [ Whoosh ] All this... for me? Yes, sister. The West. Its future and potential is as limitless as your own... [ Thunder crashes ] What is that? It sounds like thunder. [ Wind rushing ] It's not thunder. It's a cyclone. There's something inside it. [ Rushing continues ] [ Glass shattering ] Ooh. [ Woman coughs ] Over there. Help! Woman: - I'm down here. Oh, someone's trapped. Are you all right? Uh... I think so. I... I tried to run to the storm cellar, but... I wasn't fast enough. What world are you from? W... w... world? Y... you mean this isn't Kansas? I'm afraid not. Welcome to Oz. What's your name? Dorothy. Dorothy Gale. If you were strong enough to survive such a powerful storm, you must be a very special girl, Dorothy. Come. We'll take you to our home. Our sisters will be very excited to meet you, won't they, Zelena? Yes. I'm sure they will. [ Screaming ] [ Crashing ] David... David: I'm here. Don't worry. I'll protect you. Just focus on the baby. Just one more push, Mary Margaret. Just one more push! That's it. One more. [ Baby crying ] [ Laughs ] It's a boy! [ Crying continues ] [ Chuckling ] It's a boy. What a charming family. It's a shame I have to break it up. [ Whoosh ] [ Baby cries ] [ Whoosh ] [ Sighs ] No. No, no, no, n... [ Chuckles ] So pure and so innocent. And now... mine. [ Gasps ] [ Sobbing ] [ Laughter ] It's so lovely to have you with us. Witch of the East: Our home is your home. Witch of the North: You should have come sooner. [ Laughter ] Thank you. Y... you've all been so kind. You've treated me like family. Oh. Aww. Aww. [ Laughter ] Glinda: Zelena. There you are. We were starting to worry. Are you feeling all right? Go away. What's gotten into you? What do you think? Have you been spying on Regina again? No. I've been watching you fawn over your latest prot g . Dorothy... are you jealous of her? Why? You two are so... alike. Except she's spunkier, fresher-faced, and clearly more innocent than me... perfect candidate to take the empty seat at the table. No one is taking your seat, Zelena. Really? That's not what this says. What are you doing with the book of records? You didn't tell me everything about the prophecy. "The sorceress from another land will make Oz her home" "until she fulfills her destiny" "and unseats the greatest evil the realm has ever seen." Don't you see? Dorothy is meant to take my seat, which makes me the greatest evil. Fate is a funny thing. You don't know if that's what the prophecy actually means. Remember what I said? Only you can shape your destiny. But if you believe you are evil, then that is what you will become. [ Humming "Hush, Little Baby" ] It's all right, little one. We're almost home. [ Chuckles ] [ Humming continues ] [ Sighs ] He's gone. It happened again. Where are you going? To get my son back. You're gonna get yourself killed. David, think about this. What's there to think about? Don't let him get hurt. What's going on here? What happened? Did you find Zelena? I... I did, but I couldn't stop her. She took your brother. Because I failed? We're all still here, So you haven't failed just yet. Hook's right. Come on. No, wait. Zelena took my magic. How the hell did that happen?! Doesn't matter how. It just happened. So, we need to find another way to stop her. There is no other way. That's not true. You can do it. Sweetheart, I don't think I can survive round three with my sister. Glinda was pretty specific. Only the purveyor of the strongest light magic can defeat her. Zelena only beat you because you were using dark magic against her. But... it's all I have. No. It's not. When you kissed Henry, that was true love's kiss. That's light magic. See? You can do it. Henry, I don't even have my heart right now. That doesn't matter. You broke the curse without it, and I know you still love me. I know there's good in you. He's right. I know you can beat that witch. But I don't... You have to. Once upon a time, you were a villain, mom. But you've changed. You're a hero now. And defeating bad guys is what heroes do. I believe in you. Now you need to believe, too. Zelena: Hello, Dorothy. [ Gasps ] [ Sighs ] Zelena. I... I didn't recognize you. Are you okay? I decided to stop hiding my true colors. According to the prophecy, you're the only one that can defeat me. Defeat you? W... what are you talking about? I don't want to hurt you. Good. Because I'm going to make sure you can't. Aah! Ohh! What have you done?! Zelena! [ Gasping ] What's happening to me?! I'm... I'm... Melting. You're melting. I'm sorry! I was only trying to put out the fire! No! It was just water! No! It was just water. Glinda? Glinda! Dorothy? What is it? Z... Zelena. S... she... she came up to me with a ball of fire, and I... I threw water at her, and then... l... look! [ Sighs ] The prophecy has come to pass. And you, Dorothy, you defeated her. With water? It was your destiny to stop her, and destiny gave you the tool. I'm sorry. Don't be. She didn't leave you a choice. You're one of us now, Dorothy, part of the Sisterhood of Witches. I... I... I'm sure Oz is wonderful, but... I want to go home. I understand. Unfortunately, I don't have the power to cross realms. Only the Wizard has done that. Perhaps he can help you. I... I thought Zelena turned him into a monkey. Now gone, her magic will be undone. He will be back to his human form. Will you take to him? Just follow me. Where? Why... down the yellow brick road, of course. Zelena: There's nothing more innocent than a newborn babe. And you, my sweet, are the most innocent of all... the product of the truest love. See, once I change the past, you and I shall meet under different circumstances. And, Rumple, you will choose me. And I will be enough. Mr. Gold: No, you won't. And no matter where you go in time, I will find a way to kill you. [ Chuckles ] Don't worry, dearie. Once all this is over, you won't remember a thing. David: It isn't over yet. And who's gonna stop me? Certainly not the Savior. Go. Get him. We got your back. And I've got your heart. Regina: Zelena, stop now. We're not gonna let you succeed. [ Chuckles ] Rid me of those pests. Please no more water. Get the dagger. Then the dark one will be on your side. It's easier said than done. Do as I say, or I will destroy you both. I have no choice! Come for another beating, sis? No. I came for some jewelry. Beautiful one. If you will? [ Monkey screeching ] [ Grunts ] Remember, these creatures are our friends! Don't worry. I'll use a gentle touch. Mr. Gold: Unfortunately, that's not an option for me. [ Gasps ] Only light magic can harm me. And you're as dark as they come. It was your destiny to be this way. And will also be your undoing! Don't tell me what I can be! [ Chuckles ] I tried to be good once, but it wasn't in the cards. This is who I am, and it's who you are! [ Gasps ] You're wrong, sis. What are you doing? Changing. [ Gasps ] What? How?! I make my own destiny. [ Monkey screeches ] Robin Hood: Little John, you're back! [ Baby crying ] David, the baby. Is he okay? Yeah. He can handle anything. Just like his big sister. Regina: You failed. [ Chuckling ] You're not going anywhere. I beg to differ. [ Whoosh ] [ Gasps ] I'm gonna make you pay for everything you've done to me. What are you waiting for? Just do it! With pleasure. No! [ Whoosh ] Enough. This ends now. After everything this witch has done... you're gonna protect her? Good magic stopped her. And good magic doesn't exact vengeance. She killed my son! How many lives have we taken trying to get what we want? You can't be serious. I am. Heroes don't kill. So now you're a hero? Today, I am. Go on. Ask for him. Hello? Your excellency? [ Gasps ] Wizard: I've been expecting you. You have? I see all. I am Oz, The Great And Terrible. My name is Dorothy Gale. Glinda said you might be able to help me get home... to Kansas. I know who you are. You freed me from the Wicked Witch's magic. Sending you home is the least I can do to reward you. How do I get back? Look down. Click your heels together three times and think of where you want to be, and the slippers shall take you there. Thank you so much. Safe travels, Dorothy. May you never find yourself far from home again. [ Whoosh ] Thank you for your help. You can show your true self now. With pleasure. Hello... sister. Zelena. I don't understand. Dorothy said... I was destroyed by water. [ Chuckles ] Foolish child. So gullible. But why? Because now that she's gone, no one can stop me from changing my past. Then I will find someone else to fulfill the prophecy. As long as I am in Oz, I will not stop searching until I find someone to stop you. I suppose that means that you need to leave Oz. Maybe you'll find the Enchanted Forest more to your liking. Zelena, please, it's not too late. You can change. Goodbye, Glinda! [ Whoosh ] Why, Regina? Why not just kill me and put me out of my misery? Because I know why you did what you did. We're much alike. Our mother ruined you, too. I know what it's like to not have the life you wanted... the life you feel you deserve. Oh, boo-hoo. You had to be Queen. You know nothing. I saw it all. You had everything. Did I? So, you missed the part where I lost the love of my life. Mother did all that for you to achieve greatness. Not long ago, I was a lot like you. I wanted to kill someone who wronged me, and I failed. Had I killed Snow White, I wouldn't be in this world. I wouldn't be with these people, and... I wouldn't have my son, Henry. So, no, Zelena, I won't kill you. Instead, I'm gonna give you what I got. I'm gonna give you a second chance. What if I don't want it? Well, that would be a mistake, dear. Take it. Use it. Evil isn't born. It's made. And so is good. If I were you... I'd consider creating a new destiny. Because if you don't, I'll be right there to take your heart and crush it. Now, if you'll excuse me... ...I should put this somewhere safe. [ Breathes heavily ] [ Chuckles softly ] [ Door bells jingle ] I knew you'd be back. Your unwavering faith... constantly astounds me. [ Chuckles ] And after everything I did. It wasn't you. It was... Zelena. It wasn't always Zelena. I will never comprehend why you continue to stand by my side. I love you. Always have. [ Chuckles ] [ Clears throat ] How did you get that? Regina gave it to me to... to make amends... and also because she knew I wouldn't abuse its power. I want you to have it. Why? Because I believe in you. It's yours. You're... you're a free man. Just promise me one thing... promise me you won't go after Zelena. You're... I know you're better than that. Oh, Belle. What you're giving me is more than I can ever give you. But I will try. This... this is trust. It means you trust me with all your heart. I do. And I shall trust you with mine. Take it. I am now and for all the future yours. Wait. W... what are you saying? Will you marry me? Yes. [ Laughs ] Yes. Yes. [ Sighs ] Never thought I'd see one of those. It's called a baby. No, Swan. A smile. We won. In all the chaos, I never got a chance to say thank you. You really think I'd let you drown? Given our history, can you blame me for being uncertain? Has your power returned now that Zelena's been defeated? No. I'm sorry, love. It's okay. I won't need it in New York. Hey, kid. You want to meet your new uncle? Regina. I didn't expect you back so soon. I don't imagine you expected me at all, dearie. [ Scoffs ] What are you doing here? What do you think? You can't kill me, Rumple. I saw Regina take your dagger. She gave it to Belle. And she wants me dead. No, of course not. Well, then, you'll have to do what she wishes. If she has the dagger, you have no choice. Yes. If she has the dagger. But she doesn't. She only thinks she does. You see, um... My father taught me something... the only useful thing he passed on... a bit of sleight of hand called "follow the lady." Belle has a fake. This, however, is quite real. [ Whoosh ] Wait. Wait! I'm powerless now. R... Regina's got my pendant. My magic's gone. I can't hurt anyone! I can't. [ Gasping ] Why? Because I promised my son his death would be avenged. And Rumplestiltskin never breaks a deal. [ Gasps ] [ Whoosh ]

With Mary Margaret in labor and due to give birth at any moment, the residents of Storybrooke go on high alert in an attempt to ensure that Zelena doesn't try to steal her newborn baby for use in her ultimate game plan to turn back time and change her destiny -- while obliterating Regina's existence. Meanwhile, in the land of Oz of the past, Glinda tries to convince Zelena to fight her evil tendencies and join her and her sister witches as a protector of Oz. But the appearance of a young girl from Kansas could turn out to be her undoing.

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ACT ONE Scene One - Apartment Frasier opens the door to Roz, holding an envelope. Frasier: Oh Roz, to what to I owe the pleasure? Roz: A messenger delivered this for you after you left. It's marked "Personal and Confidential." I thought it might be important. He holds the letter up to the light, trying to see through it. Roz: Oh, I already tried that, forget it. We could use some brighter bulbs at the office. Frasier: Yes well, a brighter bulb wouldn't have admitted it. [opens the envelope] Let's see - oh! "Dear Dr. Crane, enclosed are four tickets to tonight's Sonics game as thanks for your advice on today's show. Sincerely, Allen from Earlemont." Roz: That is gonna be a great game! You should take your dad and have a boy's night out. Frasier: Well, actually Niles and I are already having a boy's night out. We're gonna go see the Northwest Chamber Ensemble's Spring Sing. After that, a late dinner at Le Cigare Volant! Roz: Ooh, throw in a couple of strippers and that still sounds boring. Frasier: And to think I was going to offer you these basketball tickets. Roz: Well, can't use 'em anyway. I have a date with this French guy. Frasier: So that's it, huh? No Americans left. Roz: That's very funny. You know, I hope it goes well, because he doesn't speak any English, and the only French I know is "oui" and "non." Frasier: I suppose you'll just be using one of those. Roz: Before you get too clever, you're the one who's going out with his brother. Frasier: [can say nothing but] Have a nice date, Roz. She leaves. Martin comes out. Frasier: Oh Dad, I've got something here that I think you might be interested in. Martin: Whoa-ho! Sonics tickets, how about that! Well, looks like I owe you an apology! Frasier: An apology? Martin: Well, last October you said we would go to a game together, but I thought that was just a lot of talk. Frasier: Well, listen Dad, I intended to- Martin: Well, it doesn't matter how long it took. You came through, that's what's important. Frasier: [trapped] Glad to see you're so excited. Martin: Well, who wouldn't be? [checks the tickets] Oh, look where we're sitting! Oh Frasier, you're the best! Frasier: Listen Dad, there's something you should know- Martin hugs him joyfully. Frasier: You're paying for the snacks. Martin: All right! Well, we'd better get going! Who are the other tickets for? Frasier: Well, uh, [the doorbell rings] they're for, uh, Niles and Daphne, of course. But, um, I made the arrangements so long ago I didn't anticipate Daphne going for her master's degree at the Fat Academy. [N.B. Jane Leeves does not appear - Daphne is away at "reducing" camp.] Martin puts on his letterman jacket. Frasier: But, uh, you know, Dad, uh, why don't I let Niles in, and then you can go get ready, all right? Martin: I am ready. Frasier: Don't you want to take your big foam finger? Martin: Well, I got some nacho cheese on it last time, it smells kind of funky. The doorbell rings twice. Frasier: [tries to sound cheerful] This is gonna be fun! He opens the door to Niles. Niles: Oh good, for a moment I'd thought you'd left. You have the tickets? Martin: Right here, we're good to go! Niles: Dad's going with us? Frasier: Yes, all three of us! Martin: Well, we'd better get a move on, I'd like to get there early and see the players warm up. Niles: Hey, me too! [to Frasier] What a surprise this is! Frasier: Yes, just you wait! They head out the door. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Stadium The stadium is packed with roaring fans, and the game is in full swing. Frasier and Niles come down to four empty seats next to the aisle. Frasier: Ah, here we are, Row four. Here look, why don't we let Dad sit between us? Niles: Good idea. Frasier takes the aisle seat, Niles takes the second one over. Announcer: [over P.A.] Now entering for the Sonics, Number Thirty-One, Brent Barry! The crowd cheers. Niles: It's like those family road trips Dad used to drag us on. Uncomfortable seats, sticky floors, underlying threat of violence. Frasier: However did we get through those? Niles: Games, mostly. License plate spotting, I Spy, throwing up. Frasier: You know, Niles, that wouldn't be so much a game as an activity. Martin comes down with three large beers on a tray. Martin: Hey. Frasier: Oh hi, Dad. Martin: I sold the other ticket. Frasier: Oh good, what'd you get for it? Martin: Oh, these three frosty fellows and a chili dog that didn't make it. Frasier: [takes a beer] Thank you. Martin: [sits in the middle seat] Oh great, I didn't miss much. As he watches the game, Frasier and Niles revert to habit, annoying him. Frasier: I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with "V." Niles: [looking around] Vagabond. Frasier: No. Niles: Vittles. Frasier: No. Niles: Vienna sausages. Frasier: Where do you see Vienna sausages? Niles: Well, I thought maybe that vendor might - oh, oh! "Vendor, vendor!" Frasier: Excellent, Niles! Your turn. Niles: I spy, with my little eye- Martin: Would you cut it out, I'm trying to watch the game! Frasier: We're just playing I Spy, Dad. Martin: I know, and it's distracting. Niles: Well, we used to do it all the time on family vacations. Martin: And it was distracting then, so cut it out, or it'll end up like our family trip to Arizona. Niles: You mean you'll turn around in your seat and almost drive the arena into the Grand Canyon? Frasier: Tell you what, Dad, here. [getting up] Why don't you switch seats with me, and that way we won't disturb you? Martin: All right, OK. They switch, putting Martin in the aisle seat, and Frasier between him and Niles. A heavyset woman wearing a Sonics windbreaker and baseball cap comes down with a large beer, and shuffles past them into the seat next to Niles. Martin: Oh, here's the lady who bought my ticket. I see you got yourself some suds there, huh? Fan: Oh, you know it! You can't watch the Sonics without a beer or two! [to Niles] Especially this season, you know what I'm saying, huh? Niles: Yes, might I. [to Frasier] I spy- Fan: COME ON, BEECHAM, MOVE THAT SIDE OF BEEF DOWN THERE AND PLAY SOME DE-FENSE! Niles rears back like a man trapped in a cave with an as-yet distracted lion. Fan: Come on, come on... YEAH-AAAAAHHHH! She turns to Niles and throws up her hand for a hi-five, causing him to gasp and cringe. He weakly slaps her hand, then turns to Frasier. Niles: Switch seats with me. Fan: COME ON, HUSTLE! LET'S SEE SOME BALL MOVEMENT! Frasier: [no fool] I'm going to say no. Niles: Well, there's no way I'm enduring this for... however long this thing lasts! Uh, Dad, Dad, I'm sorry, eh, my leg is getting a little stiff. Would you mind switching seats with me so I can stretch it out? Martin: Oh, stiff leg, huh? Must have been that bullet you had pumped into you while stopping a robbery. Oh no, wait, that was me! Niles: Dad? Martin: Oh, all right, all right, but this is the last time I'm moving. Niles: All right, just uh, you go in there, and I'll step through here. Niles and Martin get up and awkwardly shuffle past each other. Now Niles is in the aisle seat. Niles: Ow, oh, my leg's very tender. [sits down] Oh well, better! Frasier: Niles, my legs are much longer than yours. Niles: So? Frasier: So I should be sitting in that seat. Niles: Well, I'm not switching. Frasier: It was mine to begin with. Niles: Well, I'm still not switching. I spy, with my little eye- Frasier: I'm not playing. Niles: Fine. Frasier: Fine. Niles opens his mouth and stretches his lips like a fish. Frasier: Now what are you doing? Niles: I'm staving off chapping. It's very dry in here, and I don't have any lip balm. Frasier: [takes out a little jar] I do. [Niles reaches for it, but he pulls it away] Switch seats with me. Niles: My integrity is not for sale. Frasier: Suit yourself. [takes some balm and slowly applies it to his own lips] Oh my, these rich, waxy emollients are delightfully soothing... Niles: All right, you can have the seat, for goodness's sake, here! Frasier: Thank you. They switch, putting Niles in the second seat from the aisle. Niles: Give me that. [takes the balm and starts applying it] Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, check your seat number! At half-time, one lucky fan will be taking your Northwest Cable's half- court shot! Are you ready? If your seat is Section 101- Martin and the Fan sit up, excited. Announcer: Row 4- Even more excited. Announcer: Seat 2, congratulations! On the huge roof-mounted TV screen, there is a shot centered on Niles, obliviously balming his lips, framed by the flashing message, "WE GOT A SHOOTER!" As Martin slaps his back and points up towards the camera, he slowly raises his head. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO Scene Three - Stadium Niles is standing up, next to a P.R. Woman with a clipboard and a basketball jersey. Frasier: Good luck, Niles. Niles: Thanks, Frasier. Martin: Praying, Niles. Niles: Thanks, Dad. Woman: Come on, right this way. [holds up clipboard] Now, we need you to sign this release form. Niles: Why, what happened? Woman: No, it's just so we can use your image on television. [points] Right there is fine. [he signs it] OK, now I need you to put this on. Niles: Oh, uh, OK, sure, uh, let me just- [takes off his suit jacket] Can I undo this? Woman: Absolutely. Are you OK? Niles wrestles his arms and head through the jersey, a garment about as familiar to him as a brassiere. Niles: [tangled] I just haven't done a lot of basket-balling. I'm just a bit nervous. Woman: Ah, don't worry. Nobody makes the shot. Niles: Yes, well I'm not even sure I can roll it that far... Just as Niles almost has his head through, a loud buzzer sounds, making him jump. Niles: What's that?! Woman: Oh, that's nothing. It's just half-time. He finally gets the jersey down over his head, and she leads him down to the court. Frasier: Thank God we switched seats, that could be me down there! Poor Niles! Martin: What do you mean? Every guy dreams of a chance like this. Frasier: Dream or not, Dad, eventually he's going to try to take that shot. You know how Niles throws! Martin: Yeah, and you're Pete Maravich. Frasier: I don't know what that means. Martin: Well, it means instead of criticizing him you might be a little more supportive. Because, no matter what happens down there, he's still your brother and my son. Niles and the Woman reach the court. Martin: Whoops, here we go. Hand me his beer, I'm going to need it. Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, here to attempt your Northwest Cable's half-court shot, from right here in Seattle - Niles Crane! Applause. The stadium lights go out, except for two spotlights: one on Niles, in the center of the court, and the other on the basket, fifty feet away. The P.R. Woman hands him a basketball. Woman: There you go, Niles. Good luck. She walks away. Niles looks out at his invisible audience, and bows. The scene goes into SLOW MOTION, and the Chicago Bulls' intro music begins to play over the soundtrack: Niles dribbles the ball once, and it bounces back up into his hands. He flashes a grin at the stands. Frasier and Martin are there, cheering and holding up their thumbs. Niles dribbles the ball again. It bounces away, and he lurches after it. Frasier and Martin put their hands over their eyes. Niles gets the ball back, and tries several ready positions, holding the ball behind his hip like a shot-putter, then over his shoulder like a quarterback. Finally, he bows over, holds the ball between his legs, looks at the basket, takes a deep breath... [FULL-COURT SHOT - the camera wides to include both Niles and the basket, meaning the following cannot be faked:] And does a full-body, underhand heave that sends the ball in an arc towards the basket and swishing right through the string mesh. The crowd erupts into applause. In the stands, Martin nearly has a heart attack. As Niles stands there stunned, the Sonics' Cheerleading Squad runs out onto the court and mobs him. Martin and Frasier trade a look of amazement, then they rise with the rest of the crowd, cheering. The camera revolves around Niles. As the cheerleaders dance around him, his stupor gives way to realization, and then triumph. He raises his arms in victory, and the applause becomes thunderous. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Four - Apartment The Crane boys come back from the game. Frasier: Now entering the apartment, a 5'9'' psychiatrist from Seattle, Niles Crane! Martin: Yahoo! [as Niles hangs up his coat] He shakes, he bakes, he drives to the coat rack, he takes an arm out of the sleeve, he puts it up... and IT'S GOOD! Niles: Thank you, Dad. Frasier: [pouring sherry] Glass of sherry, Niles? Niles: Please. Martin: [as Niles takes the glass] He holds the glass, goes up to the sherry... IT'S GOOD! Niles: OK, Dad! Frasier: Gosh, Niles, you making that basket tonight was truly astonishing. And what's even more unbelievable is that you are now the proud owner of a rugged, ram-tough, all-terrain pickup truck. Niles: It occurred to me we could use it to go antiquing. Frasier: Ah! [clinks his glass against Niles's] Martin: [checks the answering machine] Whoa, fourteen messages, new record! [presses button] Duke: [on machine] Hey Martin, it's Duke. Was that Niles on Sports Center, or am I drunk? Call me. [beep] Frank: [on machine] Marty, it's Frank. Bad news, Stosh had another heart attack... he saw your son make that basket, it's the greatest thing I've ever seen! Uh, give me a call. [beep] Stosh: [on machine] Hey Marty, it's Stosh. Bad news- Frank: I just did that one! Stosh: Oh, sorry. Make sure you catch Sports Center! Congrats. [beep] Martin: [stops the tape] We'll listen to the rest of them later. Oh Niles, I can't tell you how great you were tonight! Niles: Well, thanks Dad, but I wasn't great. I just walked out on the court and heaved the ball as hard as I could and the rest was just luck. Frasier: Well, that may be so, Niles, but still and all you did go down and do it. Not many people could have done that. Martin: I know I always told you boys that sports aren't important... but they are! And what you did tonight out there makes me really proud. Niles: Thanks. Frasier is beginning to feel left behind and runs to catch up. Frasier: Good thing I wangled those tickets, eh, Dad? Martin: [looks at the TV] Oh look, Niles is on TV! Oh, I can't believe it, he made Player of the Week! We've got us a real-life celebrity in our own home! [watching the replay] It's up... and IT'S GOOD! Niles raises his arms in another victory gesture while Frasier continues to stew. [SCENE_BREAK] FRENCH KISS-OFF Scene Five - Caf Nervosa Frasier is sitting at a table. Niles comes in wearing a Sonics letterman jacket. Niles: [to counter person] Excuse me, nonfat latte to go, please. Hey Frasier, mind if I join you? By now, Frasier is in familiar sibling-rivalry mode. He slowly lowers his newspaper, looks at Niles over the top of it, and purses his lips at his jacket. Frasier: Are you sure? The jocks usually sit over at that table. Niles: Oh, this thing, yes, well, this was just part of a gift package the Sonics sent over. Before he sits down, he makes sure to turn around, showing "CRANE" stenciled on the back. Niles: I just didn't want to seem ungrateful. Not that I owe them anything; after all, I'm the one that drained it from way downtown. Frasier: Yes, so we've been hearing. Niles: Oh Frasier, don't grouse. I've earmarked a pair of practice pants for you. Frasier: Thank you, Niles, but I'd like to think I've already mastered pants. I assume you're going to select a more appropriate jacket for this evening's concert? Niles: Oh yeah, about that - Dad wants me to go with him to McGinty's so he can have me tell the tale. Frasier: But Niles, we've already rescheduled the concert once! Niles: Well, that was because of you. Frasier: Well, not because of me, it was because of Dad. Niles: Well, so is McGinty's. Frasier: Well, it's not the same! We had an agreement! If you should choose to dishonor it, there will be consequences. Niles: Why don't we compromise? Frasier: Hmm? Niles: Let's say we go and have a drink with Dad at McGinty's, and then afterwards proceed along to the concert? Frasier: [fumbling] Well, I just don't, I don't, uh, well, I - all right, fine. Niles: I'll see you later, Frasier. As he gets up, Roz comes into the caf . Roz: Wow, Niles! You finally made varsity after thirty years, huh? Niles: Yes, but it's not a real varsity jacket, Roz, so you're under no obligation to sleep with me. She smiles - "touch ." Roz: See you around. Niles: Take care. Niles leaves. Roz: Hi, Frasier. Frasier: You may join me if you wish, Roz. Be forewarned, I am feeling a bit peevish. Roz: [sitting] Oh, for God's sake, you're like Goldilocks with that latte. "This foam is too hard, this foam is too soft"- Frasier: No, this is not about latte foam, Roz! Ever since Niles made that basket, his head's been getting bigger and bigger. Roz: Well, you have to admit it was pretty amazing. Frasier: Amazingly lucky! To hear Niles tell it, it all started with a little rubber factory in Sumatra, where an unsuspecting basketball began a journey that would lead to greatness. Roz: So he's milking it a little bit, you'd do the same thing! Frasier: I would not! I would treat it as the chance occurrence it was... like finding a terrific parking spot in front of the opera house. Roz: [pouncing] You bragged about that for weeks! Frasier: Well, it was right in front of the steps, Roz! Roz: You know what I mean, Frasier. Frasier: Yes, I suppose I do. Guess I'll just have to grin and bear it for a little while longer. Jean-Pierre, Roz's French boyfriend, comes into the caf . Roz: [gasps] There's Jean-Pierre. Frasier: Oh, your French beau. How's that going? Roz: I'm breaking up with him. Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry. Roz: Actually, you're going to do it for me. Frasier: What?! Roz: I don't speak French! I need you to translate- Frasier: For God's sake- Roz: Pleeease? Frasier: Well, all right! Roz motions Jean-Pierre over to their table. Roz: [cups a hand and yells in his ear] We're having coffee! Sit down! Frasier: I can't imagine why this isn't working. Jean-Pierre sits at their table. The substance of his and Frasier's conversation appear in English subtitles at the bottom of the screen. Roz: Jean-Pierre, this is Frasier. Frasier: [shaking hands] Uh, it's a pleasure to meet you. Roz: Now I want to do this gently, so will you tell him that I think he's a really nice guy. Frasier: Uh-huh. Roz thinks you're a great guy. Jean-Pierre: She wants to break up with me, doesn't she? Frasier shrugs and nods. Jean-Pierre: Thank God, she's not my type. I've been looking for a way out for days. Roz: What'd he say? Frasier: Um, he said that he-he's very fond of you too. Roz: OK, now tell him that these past few weeks... have been really fun. Frasier: You can go faster, Roz. Roz: Let me do this my way. Tell him! Frasier: Uh, look, she's got all this worked out, if you don't mind indulging her. Jean-Pierre: I understand. Listen, where's a good place to get a steak? He reaches out and tenderly caresses Roz's cheek. Frasier: He says, what are you trying to say? Roz: OK. Tell him, in another time, in another place, we might have a shot, but this just isn't working for me. Frasier: The Five Crowns has a great filet, and the wine list isn't bad either. He looks at Roz. Frasier: OK, look sad. Jean-Pierre takes on a grave face. Roz grimaces sympathetically. Jean-Pierre: [sadly] Can you smoke in there? Frasier: Is there any chance you'd reconsider? Roz: I don't think so. Frasier: Oh. You can smoke on the patio. They rise. Roz: Is he OK? Frasier: Yes Roz, he'll be fine. But, you know, I think for his sake we should wrap this up. [they get up] Roz: Jean-Pierre... Jean-Pierre: Roz... They embrace. Jean-Pierre: [over her shoulder, to Frasier] Thanks for the tip. God, I'm starving. Frasier: He says that he'll- Roz: Please, Frasier. Some things don't need to be translated. She kisses Jean-Pierre. They exchange a faraway look, and Jean-Pierre leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Six - McGinty's Niles and Martin are seated at the bar, surrounded by appreciative barflies. They are watching a video of Niles's shot. Frasier sits behind Niles, writhing in envy. Bartender: So at this point, what were you thinking? Niles: Stop tape, please. [the bartender does] Martin: Boy, I'd be thinking about that sweet truck. Barfly: Yeah, me, too. Niles: [chuckles] Not me. If you're focusing on the reward, that's energy you're not using to make the shot. Martin: And you know what else? He's donating that truck to the Police Activities League! Niles: I just want the kids to know it's about the play-offs, not the pay-offs. Martin: Is this a great boy, or what? You sure I can't pay you for this beer? Bartender: Hey, your money's no good here. "Half-Court" Crane's dad doesn't pay for drinks. Frasier: Excuse me, Niles, but we have a concert to make. Niles: Oh, I know, soon, soon. I can't leave the fellas hanging, Frasier. Ah, back to the tape. Now, that's about forty- five feet to that basket. You see, I used my whole body, form is everything. You've already made or missed the shot even before you release the ball. And of course, we all know the rest of the story. Frasier: [can take no more] Yes, yes! The story is, "once upon a time, Niles Crane accidentally made a basket, The End!" Martin and the barflies react. Niles: I don't deny there was some luck involved, but as we all know, luck is the residue of design. The barflies nod sagely. Frasier: Oh, please! Somehow managing to hurl a ball forward is hardly design! Niles: You're just jealous because I have game and you don't. Frasier: Oh, please! So you think you have game? Niles: I do, yea. Frasier: Oh- Bartender: [to Martin] Think they're gonna fight? Martin: [wearily] I got news for you, they are fighting. Frasier: We'll just see about that! Barkeep! Martin: What are you doing? Frasier puts a twenty-dollar bill on the bar and points to the Mini-Hoop machine in the corner. Frasier: I am going to challenge Niles to a game of One-on-One on that contraption over there. Martin: [alarmed] What do you want to do that for?! Frasier: [to bartender] Twenty dollars of your cleanest quarters! Martin: Well, whoa, what about your concert, you guys better get moving, tick-tock! Niles: All right, Frasier, game on! Frasier gets his change. As they head over to the machine, the barflies all watch with anticipation - except Martin, who knows all too well what's going to happen. Martin: Oh wait, it's not worth it! Sports aren't everything! Frasier puts a quarter in, and receives a miniature basketball. Frasier: All right, hotshot, after you. [Niles takes the ball] Bartender: Let's go, Half-Court! Put it up, baby! [the barflies cheer] Niles: Thank-thank you, I appreciate the support, but I think I might throw better with fewer voices. The barflies fall into a reverent silence. While Frasier stands next to the machine, Niles faces the basket, cocks his arm... and awkwardly jerks the ball forward, missing the machine's cage entirely and bouncing the ball off Frasier. Niles: Well, obviously I'm accustomed to shooting from further back. Frasier: Yes, and just once! Allow me. Frasier takes the ball, stands in front of the cage, aims... and throws just as awkwardly, missing the basket. Martin puts a hand over his face. Frasier: All right, your turn. Niles: All right, I believe I'm warmed up now. He takes the ball again, and raises his leg to rest it on the front of the machine. He throws the ball and stumbles to the floor. Niles: Wait, yeah, I hit the round part, and that's worth, uh, a half a point! Martin: I think I could use another beer. Bartender: That'll be $2.95. Martin looks devastated. He glares towards the boys as he angrily yanks his wallet from his pocket. END OF ACT TWO INSERT: We see a series of abortive takes of Scene Three, revealing that it actually took David Hyde Pierce twenty-seven tries to make the basket. The shot was filmed on location at Los Angeles's Staples Center on January 9th, 2001. [SCENE_BREAK] The bar is now empty except for Frasier and Niles, still trying to make one basket, and Martin, who is still at the bar. Niles tries winding up like a baseball pitcher before heaving the ball. As Frasier starts to take his shot, Niles fights with him, trying to pull the ball away. Frasier fights him off. The bartender puts a fresh beer in front of Martin. He reaches for it, but the ball flies over his shoulder, knocking the glass off the bar. The bartender calmly refills the glass while Martin angrily yanks out his wallet again and slaps some money down on the bar.

Frasier receives four free tickets to a Seattle SuperSonics basketball game from a grateful caller and Martin is delighted, thinking his son put a lot of effort into getting them. They both go with Niles to the game, and Martin sells the fourth ticket. Niles's seat number is selected to attempt a shot at the basket at half-time with the chance to win a pickup truck. He makes the shot, and spends the next few days enjoying the fame. Frasier soon becomes annoyed at all the glory Niles is receiving for a fluke shot. Meanwhile, Roz has started dating a Frenchman who speaks no English.

fd_The_Office_05x27

fd_The_Office_05x27_0

Erin: Oh my God! I can't believe it! I jut won an art contest! [Erin screams, Pam and Jim look at each other, Dwight, laughing, gets up and hands her some money] Erin: [whispering] Thanks. I still don't understand why you wanted me to say that. Dwight: Shut up. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [laughs hysterically] I got her! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Not cool, Dwight. [Dwight continues laughing] Jim: Not cool. [Dwight still laughing] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [caught by camera crew dancing to "At the Car Wash", but laughing] Oh, no. I still have the lease on the Michael Scott Paper Company, so occasionally I will sneak down here for a little coffee and dancing. I actually dance all the time. Tip-toeing around corporate - it is a ballet. When I am breaking all the rules, I am break dancing. And expresso. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Guys, I'm scared. I'm really scared. I think I'm growing into a giant. Because look at this normal sized coffee cup. Looks so tiny in my giant hand now. Anybody want to go to lunch with me later on? Dwight: I do. Michael: Okay. How about a woman? Pam? Pam: Oh, I can't do lunch. I was just sending you an email. Jim and I need to leave early today to meet with our contractor. Michael: Oh, really? Ok. Pam: Just sent it. Michael: What about the rest of you? [complete silence] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: At Dunder-Mifflin there is a very strict no lunch with the boss policy and I don't know who instituted it. I think it started right after my predecessor stepped down, but at the Michael Scott Paper Company I really enjoyed having lunch with Pam and Ryan everyday. So, rules be damned, I wanna have lunch with these people. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Who else? Who else? Ryan? Ryan: I don't do lunch. I'm eating five small meals a day now. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Now that I'm back to doing the job of a temp, again, I find that food is one thing I can control. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Ok. Anyone? Anyone? At all? Accounting? I am accounting on you to go to lunch with me. Angela: No. I don't want to stay late to have a two hour lunch. Phyllis: Michael, we have a lot of work to do. Michael: What? Phyllis: Work. Michael: Ugh! God! What happened to you people? [talking like a robot] We are just office drones. We are office drones. All we do is work... is work. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: If you don't take out his battery, he just keeps going all day. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Oh, no. Your battery fell out. Michael: [still talking like a robot] I... was just learning... to... love. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Hi, guys. How you doing? Dwight: Erin, how many times do I have to tell you? It is not necessary for you to ask us how we are doing every time you interact with us. Erin: Right. I'm sorry. Dwight: [sighs] Now, how can I help you? Erin: Did somebody here leave a map in the printer to Youngstown, Ohio? Dwight: Attention, office. Who here is planning a trip to Youngstown, Ohio? I will take your silence to mean that you are all hiding something. This location is the Superior Court - Pam: So someone is going to a court. Big deal. Dwight: It is a big deal. Cause there's only a handful of reasons why someone would ever go to a courthouse in Ohio and not be charged with a crime. To claim an inheritance from a deceased relative. To obtain a learner's permit at age 14 and a half instead of 15. Erin, let me see your birth certificate. Erin: Sure. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: There are other reasons to go to Ohio. Pam: We're getting married today. Jim: So, it turns out it's the closest place to get a marriage license without a 3 day waiting period. Pam: Tell 'em how it happened. Jim: Ok. So, we're going through all the wedding plans and, boy, it is complicated. Pam: And very expensive. Jim: Very expensive. Cause you say you want a small wedding and that's great but then you have to invite - Pam: You can't leave anyone out. Jim: No one. Pam: Ok, just get to the good part. Jim: Ok. Right. Oh, so this morning we are having breakfast together and I just looked up from my cereal and I said, " You know what I want to do today? I want to marry you." Pam: I had just woken up. I didn't look cute. That's how I knew he meant it. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Michael? Michael sorry to bother you. Are you going to be working down here? Do you want these down here now? Michael: No work. No work. No work. I come in here to release frustration. Ooh. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ooh. Erin: Well, I like to swim. Michael: That's good. Erin: You have a cool place to come hang. Michael: If you ever want to come down here, door's always open, lock's broken, so... Erin: Thanks. Michael: Come on in. Hey, hey, hey. Here we go. Here we go. Yeah. Erin: Wow. Michael: Now you got it. Erin: Now I do got it. Michael: Now you got it. Hey, you want some espresso? Erin: Oh, yeah. Michael: You gotta keep yourself dehydrated. Erin: That's rule #1. Michael: Ok. I love it. I love it. Erin: Whew. Michael: I love it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Guys, I believe that I have figured out what is up your butts. There's no reason to be scared. The bad man is gone.Charles is gone. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Charles really did a number on these guys. They are way too focused on work. When I was in charge, this place was like Dave and Buster's People just hanging out, having, fun, eating apps. I don't know. It's like [pause] Dave died or something. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Daddy's here and daddy is going to take care of you. Oscar: Please don't refer to yourself as our daddy. Michael: I am your big daddy and I am gonna kiss da boo boo. Andy: [baby voice] Wittle Andy is afwaid. Michael: Andy's afwaid? Andy: Yes. Michael: Are you all afwaid? Dwight: No. Michael: Daddy's here for you. My wittle angels. Ok. I think that I have figured a way to get you guys out of your funk. Pam: What? Michael: Funk is the problem and the solution. Jim: That makes sense. Michael: I've taken my downstairs office and I have turned it into a place to hang out. A place where unattractive and attractive people can get together. To meet. To greet. To see the ones that you love. To love the ones that you see. Oscar: Is this our punishment for not wanting to have lunch with you? Michael: Why don't you get over lunch, Oscar? Everybody else is past it. Dwight: [Jack Nicholson impression] All work and no play makes Michael a dull boy. Meredith: This is like a haunted coffeehouse thing? Michael: No. Dwight is confusing you. That - it's, it's more of a disco. Andy: It's like a haunted disco. Michael: ... with coffee but without the haunted. Phyllis: It's a combo dance house coffee bar. Michael: It's a daytime disco on the ground floor of and industrial office building. Erin: It's a cafe disco. Michael: Exactly. Kevin: So, like, a disco cafe? Michael: Wha - No. No. Not even close. I can't force you to go down but I can entice you. I'm gonna be down there. Erin will be down there from time to time... and all-you-can-eat espresso. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Well, Kevin, I guess it is just me and you. Kevin: Yeah. Michael: Holdin' down the fort. Kevin: Yeah. This place is great. Michael: Thank you. Angela: Oh, my God, Kevin. I am still on hold. You were supposed to get the answer from Michael and come back up. Kevin: I'm sorry. Michael: This is a no work zone. Please respect the lei. Kevin: Yeah. Respect the lei. Angela: Come. Michael: Kevin, stay. Angela: Kevin, come. Michael: Kevin, stay. Angela: Kevin, come. Michael: Stay, stay. Angela: Come on, right now. Michael: Cookie. Kevin, cookie. Angela: Ugh. There is no cookie, Kevin. Kevin: [to Michael] Is there a cookie? Michael: Mmm-hmm. Angela: Wha - Michael: Come on. Angela: Oh, for goodness sakes, Kevin. There's no cookie. There's no cookie. Come on. Come. Kevin: I wanted a cookie. Angela: Completely unacceptable. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Now I know what the founders of Phillip-Morris felt like. you just want to give people a smooth, fun way to relax and suddenly you're just some terrible monster. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [Michael is holding the stereo speaker up to a vent - blaring "[Gonna Make You Sweat] Everybody Dance Now", spins in chair] Oww! Phyllis: Aw, what the hell? [goes to Vance Refrigeration] Hi, Jessica. Is Bob in? Jessica: Oh, he's on a call. Phyllis: Oh, I'll just duck my head in. Jessica: It's pretty important. He wouldn't want to be disturbed. Can I give him a message before he gets off? Phyllis: Tell him I'm going dancing downstairs in the storage closet between the bathrooms that used to be a utility shower and he should join me there. Jessica: I'll let him know. Phyllis: Mmm-hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Phyllis? Phyllis: Hi. Michael: Hey! Phyllis: Hey. I like. Michael: [starts dancing with Phyllis] Alright. Back. There you are. There you go. Good. Good. Ooh. Show me some attitude. Phyllis: Oh! Mother ******! Michael: Oh, God! No! No! No! No! No! Phyllis: Back! Michael: Oh, wow! What did you do? Phyllis: [moans in pain] Michael: You didn't do that. You're ok. You're ok. Let's lie down. You want to go down? Alright. Phyllis: Wow! Sorry! Michael: Ok. That's ok. That's not a problem. Ok, sweetie. Dwight: Hey! Hey, hey, hey! I got your text. Who's Phillip? Michael: No. No. No. Dwight: Who tipped you over? Was it Phillip? Phyllis: It's my back. Michael: It's her back. We just - We need - Let's - You know what? Phyllis: Call a doctor. Michael: We're going to take care of you. We're gonna get you help. Let's - come on. Phyllis: No. Call Bob. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Oh, no. No. No. This is no good. Dwight: Yeah. Back injuries are common. Not as common as knee injuries but more common than wrist injuries. Michael: I don't need you to give me a history lesson. Ok? Dwight: What do you think history is? Michael: It's just, we need to get her out of here because no one is going to want to go in there with a woman writhing around on the floor. Wait, wait, wait. But most importantly we need to get her some medical attention. ASAP. Stat. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [barging through office door] Alright. Here we go. Dwight: Out of the way! Move it or lose it! Michael: You having fun? Erin: Oh, my God! What happened? Michael: What? Oh, just having to much fun. Phyllis, we're going to put you in here. Dwight's going to take care of you. Phyllis: What? No. I thought we were going to the hospital. Dwight: You want to get sick you go to the hospital. Michael: Ok, Dwight. Ok. Good. I do not want anyone to worry. Oscar: What happened to Phyllis? Michael: Oh, you know. Nohting. She's - we were hanging out at Cafe Disco and she had a flare up of am existing injury. But she's a tough, old bird. So... Angela: Can you please go back to work instead of masterminding these situations were in we hurt ourselves? Michael: Ok. Phyllis did injure herself. But she injured herself having fun and I don't think she would trade that memory for anything. [Phyllis can be heard screaming in the backgroud] Stanley: I would like the memory of a day uninterrupted by this nonsense. Michael: You all took a life here today. you did. The life of the party. Erin? Erin: Yes. Michael: I want you to go downstairs and I want you to shut it down. Erin: Like unplug the coffee machine and bring it up here. Michael: I don't care. Bury it. I hope you're happy. Dwight: [exits the conference room in an undershirt] I'm gonna need two able bodied men. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: Cafe Disco? More like Crappe Disco. Erin: You're bad. [they turn off the lights and turn on music - start dancing] Vance Refrigeration Guy 1: There's girl in there. Vance Refrigeration Guy 2: Where? VRG 1: The other room? VRG 2: What other room? VRG 1: Down the hall. VRG 2: There's girls in there? VRG 1: What'd I just say? VRG 2: You have another sandwich? VRG 1: Forget the sandwich. Girls. Girls. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I guess they got what they want. I am eating alone. Might as well be dinner. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: You comfy? Alright? Alright. Relax. Relax, ok? Phyllis: Dwight! Dwight! Dwight: Come on. Relax. The shirt wasn't doing you any favors. If my assessment in correct, you grind your teeth? Phyllis: I do. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: No kidding! She sits three feet from me. It's the most annoying thing. [mimics grinding teeth] It's like children singing Christmas carols. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Yeah! I love the vibe down here. Erin: Ashley! You made it! Oscar: You invited someone? Erin: Oh, yeah. Was I not allowed to do that? Oscar: I've been here 8 years and I've never... [Erin walks away] Rude. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure I'm in a dance off. Alright! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Cafe Disco is dead but I can still hear the music in my head. Creed: I hear it, too, Boss. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: It's better than I imagined it! [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: That feels good, Dwight. Dwight: Tell me where it hurts. Phylis: Right... mmmm... right there. Dwight: Oh yeah. you've got a knot in your crest. This remedy has been passed down in my family for generations. and it always works. My grandfather was told that Diamond Dancer would never race again. they were wrong. He came in 9th in the Apple Creek Derby and his jerky came in 3rd the following year. A majestic beast. So fast. So tender. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Welcome, welcome! Cafe Disco. I am Michael Scott. Erin: Hey, Angela! Welcome to - Angela: Stop! Michael: Angela. Angela. Angela. May I interest you in a triple espresso or perhaps a dance? Angela: No. I didn't come down here to get wet and wild. I just need you to sign these. Michael: Oh. Alright. There you go. Angela: No. You need to sign them all. Michael: No. No. No. Here is the deal - one signature for every song. Angela: Look, I hate to be "that" person but I just don't like the general spirit of music. Michael: I know. I know, Angela. A lot of people doubted Cafe Disco at first but it is a magical place. You have to give it a chance. If these walls could tale they would say, " This is a magical place! You are safe here. We have talking walls. We're not going to eat you." [Angela shows Michael the papers again] No. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: This is oil from the gland of an otter. It keeps their fur water resistant, as well as traps heat. Now I need you to lie still for an hour. Phyllis: An hour? I can't stay here an hour. Dwight: Whoa! Whoa, whoa, girl. Whoa. Whoa. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: Boss, this used to hang from my windshield but it belongs in here. Michael: Hey, thank you, Creed. you're really getting this place. Creed: No problem. I'll just have no idea who's driving behind me now. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I'm gonna with the python. Phyllis: But the rattler's so scary. Dwight: No. Please. I find the rattle soothing. It puts me to sleep. Phyllis: I think Bob is gonna cheat on me with his new secretary. [she starts to giggle] Dwight: What's so funny? Phyllis: When I say it out loud it's so silly. [they both laugh] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey! Hey! Angela, no! No cleaning up! Angela: You are forcing me to be down here. Am I not allowed to have some fun? Michael: No... cleaning... up. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [waiting outside the bathroom for Pam, he is holding a hand-picked bouquet of flowers and pacing] These are for you. Pam: They're beautiful. Jim: You ready? Pam: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: We should probably stop by. It'd mean a lot to him. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey! Hey! Jim and Pam! Can you believe this? It's really happening. Phyllis: Wanna dance, Dwight? Dwight: Ordinarily I would say no but you need to move to reduce lactic acid build-up. Also, this song is fantastic. Bob Vance: Mind if I steal my wife? Dwight: You can't steal what is legally your property. Bob Vance: Are those staples? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: This dance competition is not over. Kelly: What dance competition? I was just dancin' casual with my friends, y'all. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You guys are the best for coming. You don't have to stay if you don't want to. I understand. Jim: We're gonna stay. Michael: Really? Jim: Yeah. At least for one more dance. Michael: Oh, no. Not me. Not me. Get out of here. Cafe Disco! [Dwight hits Michael in ear] Hey! Come on, man. It's not even to "Y". [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: This is so cheesy. Jim: Yes. Pam: I like cheesy. Jim: Me, too. Pam: Yeah. I think maybe I want a "wedding" wedding. Jim: Me, too. Pam: Really? Jim: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Would you like to dance? Angela: No. [Camera pans to down to show her swinging her foot to the music] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Yeah. No. Well, ok. Kelly: Stop squirming. Andy: Well, stop trying to poke me with a sharp thing. Kelly: You wanted to do this. Just be brave. Andy: I, I - but you're not a professional and I'm thinking maybe we should have gone to a professional. Kelly: I'm doing it. No. I'm doing it for free. You have to stop squirming otherwise I'm gonna mess up. Andy: Are you sure that's not the "gay" ear? Kelly: Gay ear? Are you 12 years old? Andy: Well, I... Kelly: Look, I'm gonna count to 3. Andy: Count to twen - count to twenty. Kelly: No. I'm gonna count to 3. Andy: K Kelly: 1... 2... 3 Andy: Agh! Son of a bitch! Kelly: Andy, that was just the ice. Andy: It was? Kelly: Yeah. It was.

To break the staff of the focus Charles instilled in them, Michael opens a cafe-disco in the downstairs office to release stress. While initially resistant, all the staff (even Angela) join as Kelly and Andy bond in a dance-off. Pam and Jim plan to elope but later reconsider. Phyllis suspects Bob will have an affair, but drops her suspicions as they sound absurd saying them aloud. Cafe disco ends up being a hit.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_01x06

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_01x06_0

FLASHBACK Mystic Falls, Virginia, 1864. Stefan waiting on the doorstep. A carriage arrives. Katherine goes down. STEFAN: You must be Miss Pierce. KATHERINE: Please, call me Katherine. [Salvatore's House. Stefan and Elena.] ELENA: What are you? What are you? STEFAN: You know. ELENA: No, I don't. STEFAN: Yes, you do, or you wouldn't be here. ELENA: It's not possible. It can't be. STEFAN: Everything you know... And every believe that you have is about to change. Are you ready for that? ELENA: What are you? STEFAN: I'm a vampire. ELENA: I shouldn't have come. STEFAN: No. Please. ELENA: No. No. How did you do that? STEFAN: Please don't be afraid of me. ELENA: Let me go. STEFAN: No. Elena, there's things that you have to know and understand. ELENA: Let me go! STEFAN: Elena, please. [Elena's house.] STEFAN: Elena. I would never hurt you. You're safe with me. ELENA: All those animal attacks, those people who died-- STEFAN: No. That was damon. ELENA: Damon? STEFAN: Yes. I don't drink human blood. That's not how I choose to survive, but Damon does. I'll explain everything to you, but I beg you, Elena, do not tell anybody. ELENA: How can you ask me that? STEFAN: Because you knowing this is dangerous for so many reasons. You can hate me, but I need you to trust me. ELENA: Just go. Just go, please. Go. If you mean me no harm, then just go. STEFAN: I never wanted this. ELENA: Mmm. [At the cemetery, Damon burns the boodies.] Cell phone rings. STEFAN: Hello. DAMON: I want my ring. STEFAN: Where are you? DAMON: I'm at the sizzler. I had the buffet. Where's my ring? STEFAN: I don't have it. Where are you? What have you done? DAMON: No, what have you done? You're the one that locked me in the basement and starved me, so whatever I've done, whoever i've sucked dry is on you, buddy. STEFAN: You're being careless. How many more animal attacks is this town gonna believe, huh? DAMON: I know how to cover my tracks, stefan. Where's my ring? STEFAN: I gave it to Zach to hide. Probably shouldn't have killed him. DAMON: Ah, you almost got me. Where is it? STEFAN: I'll get it back, but I need time. DAMON: What, did you fedex it to Rome? Where is it? I want my ring, Stefan, or my next stop's Elena's. STEFAN: I already want you dead. Don't give me another reason to make it happen. DAMON: Don't give me another reason to rip you apart. STEFAN: Yeah? Is that gonna be before or after you get your ring back? DAMON: Just get it. [Coffee place. Elena joined Stefan.] ELENA: You just don't wanna die, do you? You said you would explain everything. That's why I asked you to meet me here. When you google "vampire," you get a world of fiction. What's the reality? STEFAN: I can tell you whatever you wanna know. ELENA: I know you eat garlic. STEFAN: Yes. ELENA: And somehow, sunlight's not an issue. WOMEN: Here's your drinks. ELENA: Thank you. STEFAN: We have rings that protect us. ELENA: Crucifixes? STEFAN: Decorative. ELENA: Holy water? STEFAN: Drinkable. ELENA: Mirrors? STEFAN: Myth. ELENA: You said you don't kill to survive. STEFAN: Animal blood keeps me alive, but not as strong as Damon. It can be very powerful. ELENA: And yet you let him get involved with Caroline? STEFAN: Forcing Damon not to do something is much more dangerous, believe me. ELENA: He was hurting her. STEFAN: He was feeding on her. He was able to take away her memories of being bitten using a form of mind compulsion. She never knew what was happening to her. If he wanted to kill her, he would have. ELENA: Is that supposed to make it ok? STEFAN: No. no, none of this is ok, Elena. I know that. ELENA: Are there any others, aside from you and Damon? STEFAN: Not in Mystic falls, not anymore. ELENA: Not anymore? STEFAN: There was a time when this town was... Very much aware of vampires, and it didn't end well for anybody. That's why it's important that you don'tell anyone. ELENA: I can't promise that. STEFAN: Elena... Give me today. I will answer any questions that you have, and when it's over, you can decide for yourself what you wanna do with what you know. It'll be your choice. [At the cemetery.] LOGAN: Never smelled one this bad before. SHERIFF: It tried to cover its tracks. LOGAN: Are you sure? SHERIFF: I'm positive. You only burn a corpse to try to hide cause of death, and there are no shell casings. LOGAN: We know who they are? SHERIFF: Doc'll have to check their dental records. LOGAN: What story should i run? SHEIFF: Drug deal gone bad. It's not too big a stretch. LOGAN: I got the Gilbert watch. SGERIFF: Good. POLICEMAN: Found this in the brush about 10 yards away. SHERIFF: Vicki Donovan. LOGAN: You know her? SHERIFF: I went to high school with her mother. LOGAN: Think she's one of these? SHERIFF: I hope not. [At the Salvatore's House. Vicki is on a sofa.] DAMON: Where are you, Stefan? I'm trapped at the house, and I'm getting really bored and really impatient, and I don't do bored and impatient. Bring me my ring. Damn it. Aw, don't get blood on the couch. Please. VICKI: I got you good, didn't i? DAMON: Well, you're not gonna be any fun today. I'm so gonna regret this. Drink up. Drink it up. Don't drip. There you go. Good girl. That's it. [Elena's car.] STEFAN: Stop here. ELENA: What are we doing here? STEFAN: I want to show you something. ELENA: In the middle of nowhere? STEFAN: This... Didn't used to be nowhere. Used to be my home. ELENA: It looks so... STEFAN: Old? It's because they are. ELENA: Wait. How long have you... STEFAN: I've been 17 years old since 1864. ELENA: Oh, my god. STEFAN: You said you wanted to know. I'm not gonna hold anything back. Half century beforethe boardinghouse was even built, this was my family's home. Damon and I... We were both born here. The Salvatore brothers, best of friends. FLASHBACK Mystic Falls, Virginie, 1864. STEFAN: Wait. Where did you learn this game? DAMON: Camp outside Atlanta. One of the officers picked it up at Harvard. Catch. STEFAN: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What are the rules? What are the rules? KATHERINE: Who needs rules? Mind if I join you? STEFAN: Uh, well, you could, uh-- you could get hurt. My brother likes to play rough. KATHERINE: Somehow, I think that you play rougher. DAMON: Why are you just standing there? That is a girl who clearly wants to be chased. If you don't do it, I will. [The old Salvatore's field.] ELENA: You knew Katherine in 1864? Damon made it seem like... STEFAN: Damon was trying to make you think that... I was still heartbroken. He saw that I was happy with you, and he wanted to ruin it. ELENA: All because you loved the same girl 145 years ago? STEFAN: She wasn't just any girl. FLASHBACK Mystic Falls, Virginie, 1864. KATHERINE: Ha! I win. What's my prize? DAMON: What would you like it to be? STEFAN: They extended your leave? DAMON: I was simply having too much fun to return to battle. STEFAN: Your commitment to the confederacy is inspiring. KATHERINE: Well, this works out wonderfully for me. DAMON: How's that, miss Katherine? KATHERINE: Now i'll have both of you here to keep me entertained. First and foremost, I'll need someone to escort me to the founder's ball. DAMON/STEFAN: With pleasure. I would be honored. KATHERINE: The smart and kind Salvatore brothers both coming to my rescue. How will I ever choose? [The old Salvatore's field.] STEFAN: She chose me. I escorted her to the ball at the original Lockwood mansion. ELENA: The first founder's party... Where you signed the registry. STEFAN: I didn't care that I had gotten something that my brother wanted. I didn't even care if it hurt him. I only knew that I wanted her. DAMON: So he was upset. STEFAN: That's the thing about Damon. He doesn't get mad. He just gets even. [At the Salvatore's house.] VICKI: Oh, man. That shower was so great. Music playing. VICKI: What did you give me? DAMON: Some blood. You loved it. VICKI: I did? Wait. I'm confused. How did we get here? DAMON: We was in the woods. You were drunk. I attacked you. Then i killed all of your friends and brought you here, gave you same blood. you loved it. And now we're gonna party till the sun goes down. VICKI: Ok. Um, but first, can i have another hit? That blood was so good. DAMON: Only if I can. [The old Salvatore's field.] STEFAN: What Damon wants, Damon usually gets. I didn't know it at the time, but... Turns out that night... Katherine was with him, too. ELENA: So he stole her from you, not the other way around? STEFAN: Turns out she wasn't ours to steal. FLASHBACK Mystic Falls, Virginie, 1864. Stefan in Katherine's bedroom. STEFAN: I will love you forever. KATHERINE: Forever is a very long time, you know. STEFAN: Not long enough. She bits him. KATHERINE: Good morning. Clear the room, please. You're upset. STEFAN: Your face, it was like a demon. KATHERINE: But you're not afraid. STEFAN: Get away from me. Get away. KATHERINE: It doesn't change the way you feel about me. You will not tell anyone. STEFAN: I-- KATHERINE: shh. We will go on exactly as we have. STEFAN: Yes. We will go on. KATHERINE: You have no idea of the future I have planned for us, Stefan-- You, me, and Damon. No rules. [The old Salvatore's field.] STEFAN: She could controlmy mind and Damon's. She compelled each of us to keep the secret from the other. She wanted all of us to be together forever. Didn't work out that way, but... Damon and i, looks like we're stuck with each other... Like it or not. ELENA: Is that Damon's ring? STEFAN: I took it from him, but i have to give it back. ELENA: No. don't, Stefan. keep it hidden. STEFAN: Elena, if i don't give it to him, he'll retaliate in the only way that he knows he can hurt me. ELENA: And how is that? STEFAN: By hurting you. [Lockwood's house.] SHERIFF: We're working on the burn bodies. MR LOCKWOOD: Doc i.d. the bodies? SHERIFF: A few townies. Notorious druggies. MR LOCKWOOD: I suppose that'll make it easy for people to buy the story. And Vicki Donovan? SHERIFF: She's not one of the deceased. MR LOCKWOOD: Where the hell is she? SHERIFF: I wish I knew. LOGAN: Sorry i'm late. MR LOCKWOOD: You have the watch? It's ready. LOGAN: That's it? MR LOCKWOOD: Yes. That's it. He gives him a compass. [SCENE_BREAK] [The Salvatore's house.] Vicki is dancing. VICKI: I am so over Tyler, so over him. I knew from the beginning that i was only a piece of ass to him, but i thought maybe if he got to know me better, he might see something more. But no. Now, Jeremy, on the other hand, that's all he's ever seen in me is something more, and i like that. DAMON: Jeremy, huh? Elena's brother? VICKI: Yeah. yeah. So, Elena used to date my brother, and they were always together, so jeremy would always be hanging around and crushing on me and-- Hey, why don't you have a girlfriend? You're, like, totally cool and so hot. DAMON: I know. VICKI: Don't you wanna be in love? DAMON: I've been in love. It's painful and pointless and overrated. Except when it isn't. No more talking. Let's dance. VICKI: My mom spends most of her time in Virginia beach with Pete. He drives trucks. I don't remember my dad, bufrom what i gather, he's not worth remembering. DAMON: Your life is so pathetic. VICKI: Yeah. I mean, I'm the screwed-up one. Matt's got it so easy. he's the golden boy. I mean, he's gonna get a football scholarship and marry Elena and have a lawn mower and some babies, and when i think of my future, i just come up blank. DAMON: You are so damaged. VICKI: Yep. DAMON: I mean, you don't have one hint of self-esteem. VICKI: Nope, none. DAMON: I think I know what can help you. VICKI: So what's that? DAMON: Death. He kill her. After few minutes, Vicki wakes up. VICKI: What happened? DAMON: We were dancing, and then-- then I killed you. VICKI: What? DAMON: You're dead. VICKI: I'm dead? DAMON: Yeah, well, let's not make a big deal out of it. Drank my blood, i killed you, and now you have to feed in order to complete the process. You're wasted. You don't wanna be out there all alone. You're about to get really freaky. VICKI: Ok, I had a really good time. I just wanna go home. DAMON: You're gonna start craving blood, and until you get it, you're gonna feel very out of it. You have to be careful. VICKI: Come on, move. DAMON: See? you're already starting to fall apart. VICKI: And i'm going home now. DAMON: Ok, fine. I'm just warning you. Actually, you know what? You should go. In fact, if i were you, I would stop by your boyfriend Jeremy's house. VICKI: Yeah, whatever. DAMON: Bye. Tell Elena I said hi. and if you see Stefan, tell him to call me. [In the wood.] SHERIFF: I got Stanley on the Moore street entrance. The rest of us'll cover other access points. Call him or call me if that thing goes off. Don't use the radio. Cellphones only. LOGAN: Got it. SHERIFF: You've got 8 rounds. Remember, wood bullets won't kill him, but it'll wound him enough for you to get close and stake him. You sure you can handle this? LOGAN: Of course I can. SHERIFF: You ever staked a vampire before? LOGAN: Have you? [Elena's House.] Doorbell ringing. JEREMY: Coming! VICKI: Hey. The sun is killing me. my eyes are on fire. JEREMY: Where have you been? VICKI: It's good. everything's good. JEREMY: Did something happen? VICKI: I'm hungry. What do you got to eat? JEREMY: You're high? Vicki, it's the middle of the day. VICKI: Could you just not talk so loud? My head, it hurts. I need quiet. [Old Salvatore's field.] ELENA: The mind control... You said Katherine used. Do you ever do that to me? STEFAN: No. That necklace, it contains an herb called vervain. It protects you from being compelled. I wanted to protect you from Damon's influence. But i also wanted to... Protect you from me. All right, n n you should never take that necklace off... Because no matter what happens after today, no matter how you feel about me... You'll know that you were free to make your own choice. [Elena's house.] MATT: Where is she? JEREMY: Come this way. MATT: What's she on? JEREMY: ---I don't know. MATT: Hey, Vic. How you doin'? VICKI: Not good, Mattie. I hurt. MATT: Ok, where's it hurt? VICKI: My gums. My jaw hurts. My gum--there's something in my gums, and it hurts. MATT: Ok, well-- VICKI: No. Just leave me alone. MATT: Come on, Vic. Don't be like that. Let's get you home. VICKI: Just turn it off! JEREMY: Turn what off? VICKI: The talking, the chatter, just turn it off. TV sound is inaudible. VOICE: ...horribly. 3 bodies were found dead in what is believed to be a drug deal gone awry. The bodies have yet to be identified. They were discovered earlier today over at the old Mystic Falls cemetery. JEREMY: That's where we were last night. MATT: What happened, Vic? VOICE: ..homicide, and are fast under way looking for suspects. They're asking anyone with information... MATT: I'm calling the cops. VICKI: No. Don't. JEREMY: What happened after I left last night, Vick? MATT: Dude, are you ok ? JEREMY: I'm fine. i'm fine. MATT: Damn, Vick. ELENA: What's going on? MATT: She's really messed up. STEFAN: Elena, back up. Vicki, look at me. Focus. You're gonna be fine. Everything's gonna be fine. Guys, take her up to bed. Shut the blinds. She's gonna be ok. Come on. Come on. ELENA: You know what's wrong with her? STEFAN: Yeah. ELENA: What is it? STEFAN: She's transitioning. ELENA: Transitioning to what? STEFAN: A vampire. ELENA: What? STEFAN: Damon must have gotten to her. She's new. She hasn't completed her transformation yet. ELENA: H-how does she do that? STEFAN: She has to feed on human blood. ELENA: And what if she doesn't? STEFAN: She'll die. She may only have a few hours. ELENA: She's upstairs with him right now. STEFAN: It's ok. She doesn't know what's happening to her yet. ELENA: So when is she gonna know? STEFAN: Right now, she doesn't remember anything. A part of her is still human, but slowly, the deeper she gets into the transition, the memories will start to come back, and then she'll know she has to make the choice. ELENA: The same choice you made? [In the bedroom.] VICKI: I'm sorry I'm so much trouble. JEREMY: Aw, you just--you need to sleep it off, ok? VICKI: No. MATT: Vick. Vick! JEREMY: She was fine, and then she just-- she just freaked out. MATT: I'm gonna go look for her. Call me if you hear anything. STEFAN: I can track her. ELENA: Go. [In the wood.] Cellphone rings. SHERIFF: Yeah. LOGAN: I think I got something. It's pointing towards the old cemetery. SHERIFF: Headed your way. [Elena's house.] JEREMY: Maybe we should check in with Matt. ELENA: He'll call when he finds her. JEREMY: Well, what are we supposed to do? ELENA: We wait. We're supposed to wait. JEREMY: I don't know what's wrong with her. ELENA: She'll be fine. It'll all be fine. Doorbell rings. It's Damon. ELENA: Jeremy, go upstairs. DAMON: You're afraid of me. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess. Stefan finally fessed up. ELENA: Stay away from me. DAMON: Hey, there's no need to be rude. I'm just looking for Stefan. May I come in? Oh, wait. Of course I can. I've been invited. We can cut to the chase if you want. I'm not gonna kill you right now. That wouldn't serve my greater agenda. So... Where's stefan? ELENA: He's out looking for Vicki. DAMON: Don't look at me with those judgey little eyes. Girl's gonna thank me for what I did to her. ELENA: Did you thank Katherine? DAMON: Mmm. Got the whole life story, huh? ELENA: I got enough. DAMON: Oh, I doubt that. Tell my brother i'm looking for him. Oh, tip for later, be careful who you invite in the house. [At the cemetery.] STEFAN: Vicki. VICKI: I'm starting to remember things, what he is, what he said. I remember you. The hospital, the--the rooftop, it's all coming back. STEFAN: I'm so sorry. Damon had no right to do this to you. VICKI: He said that I need to feed. What will happen if i don't? STEFAN: You'll fade quickly... And then it'll all just be over. VICKI: I'll be dead. STEFAN: Hey. VICKI: I don't want this. STEFAN: I know. It'll be ok. You're gonna be ok. I can help you. VICKI: Is it better? Is it better? Will I be better? I wanna go home. Will you take me home? STEFAN: Ok. Gunshots. Stefan is hurts. STEFAN: Ahh! VICKI: No! Damon bits Logan. DAMON: It's wood. They know. If anyone's gonna kill you, it's gonna be me. My ring. Vicki is drinking Logan's blood. STEFAN: No! No! Vicki! VICKI: I'm sorry. DAMON: Oops. Sheriff Forbes finds Logan. SHERIFF: My god... The watch. Find the watch. [Front of Elena's house.] ELENA: You're bleeding. STEFAN: No, it's ok. It's ok. I'm ok. STEFAN: I couldn't stop her. I tried. ELENA: What does that mean? STEFAN: She fed, and then I lost her. ELENA: Oh, my god. STEFAN: I'll take care of it. I'll find her, and i will show her that she can live like I do. I will make sure that she does not hurt anybody, Elena. I promise you. ELENA: What do i tell my brother and-- and Matt? STEFAN: We'll come up with a story. ELENA: You mean we'll come up with a lie. STEFAN: I'm so sorry. ELENA: I gave you today just like you asked. And I understand that you would never do anything to hurt me, and I promise I will keep your secret, but... I can't be with you, Stefan. I'm sorry. I- I just can't... She enters in her house. She cries.

Stefan explains his and Damon's past with Katherine to Elena. In 1864, they both loved a woman named Katherine Pierce, who then turned both of them into vampires. Meanwhile, Damon spends the day trapped inside the Salvatore Boarding House with Vicki. They feed off of each other and he changes her into a vampire. Stefan discovers this and attempts to persuade her to die instead of completing the transformation into a vampire by feeding on human blood. Logan uses the pocket watch that tracks down vampires and finds Stefan and Vicki in the woods. Logan shoots Stefan with a wooden bullet, thinking Stefan was attacking Vicki. Damon saves Stefan by attacking Logan. Vicki is overcome by the hunger and feeds on Logan, killing him and completing her transformation. Stefan tells Elena that Vicki has become a vampire, and Elena decides to keep this a secret, but not without ending their relationship.

fd_Charmed_08x12

fd_Charmed_08x12_0

Piper: Oh, no, sweetie. No, no, no, no no. That's not funny. What are you doing? What are you doing? Buddy...wyatt, you know better than that. [Gasps] No, swee [Whispers] Ok, comee. Listen, why don't you go play with your toys, ok, in the other room while mommy cleans this up, ok? See you later. Elder: It isn't easy, is it? Sorry, I should have knocked before I orbed. Piper: What is it? Do you know something about leo? Elder: No more than you do, I'm sorry to say. But the deal you made with the angel of destiny will be honored. I assure you, leo will be returned to you-- Piper: if and when we defeat whoever the hell it is. Any ideas? Elder: If I knew, I'd tell you, piper. But for whatever reason, you're supposed to find it out on your own. Piper: Yeah, well, I'm sick and tired of all these reasons that don't really make any sense. I mean, I barely understand it, let alone wyatt, whose father is here one day and then just disappears the next day. I mean, the kid's a wreck. What am I supposed to do? Elder: Everything you are doing, piper. Living your lives. Celebrating his birthday. Never giving up hope. You know, he's a good kid. He's just acting out. Oh! [Piper laughs] Piper: He's a good boy. [SCENE_BREAK] Rohtul: Aah! Aah! Billie: Once again, who does this symbol belong to? Rohtul: I told you I don't know. I'm a possessor demon, not a--aah! Billie: Here's the thing, rohtul. I'm gonna find this demon, and I'm gonna find my sister. So the question is do you want to help me, or do you want to die stupid like all the others? Rohtul: Even if I knew, I wouldn't tell you, witch! Aah! Piper: Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing? Knock it off there's a 3-year-old's party that's about to start downstairs. Billie: I was just trying to squeeze one more demon in before-- Piper: no, there will be no more squeezing. Are you kidding me? I got enough stuff to do without worrying about who you're torturing in the attic. Billie: It's not a big deal. He's just a possessor demon. Piper: Oh, just a possessor demon. Did you think maybe he'd like to possess some of our guests downstairs, maybe? Did you think about that? Billie: He won't be alive that long. Piper: Thatthe po the point is now is not the time. I need this party to go very well. Billie: And I need to find my sister. Oh, great. Now look what you did. Piper: What are you doing? Billie: No! I have to find him. Piper: Not until after the party. Billie: Piper, I can't wait until after the party, ok? He knows something. Piper: Billie, would you listen to yourself? We've been through this. You can't let your obsession for revenge drive you-- Billie: not obse with revenge. Piper: Good. Then you can understand why it can wait. Billie: No, it can'T. Oh! Incoming! Piper: [Moans] Maybe I should just cancel this thing. Billie: What, the party? Piper: Well, the gods are against me, or at least the balloons are. Oh, honey, I know you're stressed. Piper, you can't be serious. Piper: Can't I? I mean, a few things have changed around here since I planned the party like, you know, his father is now gone. I know, but that's even more reason to have it. It'll give wyatt a sense of normalcy. Piper: I know, I know. That's what the elder said, but I'm starting to think that I'm forcing it on him, trying to pretend like everything's just peachy. Well, he misses his dad. It's completely understandable. Piper: I know, I know, but I thine'sthing else, too, Something big, and I just wish I could talk to him before, you know, he turns the party guests into toads. Phoebe: Well, maybe he'll talk to aunt phoebe. Piper: Ok. But you know he is 3. Phoebe: Well, it's worth a shot, though, isn't it? Piper: Ok. You do this, and I'll do that. [SCENE_BREAK] What should we do now, rohtul? We can't just sit here and do nothing while she picks us off one at a t what would you have us do, attack? She's working with the charmed ones. That would be suicide. The charmed ones have nothing to do with this! She acts alone. This is all about her sister. A sister who was abducted by very powerfulem ds. Demons who don't wish to be revealed. You know where her sister was taken? No, but I know who did the taking. And believe me, you don't want to go up against them any more than you do the charmed ones. That doesn't solve our problem. Billie must die. The only question is how we do it. And who will risk it. I will risk it. I owe her. Follow her! Find her weakness. [SCENE_BREAK] ...And he starts working for anderson aviation on monday. He'll be training pilots. It's a great job. More than enough to make those payments. Yes, nick flew helicopters in the war. Right. And this was before he went to prison, correct? That's correct, sir. But it was only for a year and it wasn't for anything really bad. Nick's just trying to get some money to help his son move out of a bad area. That's what the money's for, and I'm here to vouch for him. And I'm here to vouch for him as well. I'm sorry. Who are yon? That's what role'S. Listen, henry, I appreciate everything you've done for me. Come on. You did it. Paige. Hi. What are you doing here? I know. I'm sorry. I know you're really busy, but I need to talk to you. So excuse us for just one second. [SCENE_BREAK] Phoebe: Hey, little buddy. Are you excited about your big party today? Yeah? It's gonna be fun. You're gonna have presents and see all your friends. And I bet you're pretty sad that your daddy can't make it. You wanna know a little secret? We're all sad. I'm sad and you're mommy's sad. Auntie paige is sad. And I'm sad, too, but no one understands me. Do you? Put this away. Little boy's bear, show me how you care. Tell me how'd you feel if you were real. I'm so sad, I want to cry all the time. Phoebe: Oh, no. Why are you sad, bear? You want to tell her, or should I? Phoebe: Oh, my god! How did you do that? Oh. Hello! Hi! Oh, thank you! Hi. Phoebe! [SCENE_BREAK] Paige: Look, billie, I'm gonna stay here and I'm gonna help henry's friend. And besides, ionnago up against piper, not today on wyatt's birthday. Billie: Come on. The demon's gonna get away. Paige: You said he wouldn't talk. Billie: But-- Paige: look, please. Just relax, ok? Ahem. Uh, mr. Edwards. I'm very sorry, but our bank policy is very strict. Nick: You know what? I mean, this is a bunch of bull. Why don't you just come out and say it, huh? Nick. Nick: No! I'm tired of this crap! What? Nick: Been dumped on ever since I got back, just like I've been dumped on since I got out of prison! Screw you! Nick. Nick-- Nick: no! Sorry I let you down. Nick, you didn'T... isn't there something you can do, maybe make an exception just this once? Hey, I'm not the criminal, he is. He is not a criminal, he's a veteran, jerk. Henry. Come on. Let's just calm down. Whate matterwith you?! I can't believe this just happened. He's gonna crack, I know it. I know nick. Paige: There are other banks. Nick: No, it's gonna be the same thing everywhere. It always happens this way. The guy can't catch a break. Paige: We'll make it work. We'll figure it out. Paige, look out! Nick: Now, about that loan. [SCENE_BREAK] [Children laughing] Wow! So, um, where's the birthday boy? Oh. That's a good question. Phoebe! Phoebe: Sorry. Sorry. Here's the birthday boy! Happy birthday! Where have you been? Phoebe: Oh, you know, just upstairs chatting and playing with some toys! Wow! This just seems to be a huge success. Maybe we should wrap it up, huh? What are you talking about? The party just started. Wait a minute. What happened? What's wrong? Oh! Aah! Phoebe: That. Yah-hoo! [Gasps] Ok! All right! Wow! Are these characters great or what? You can hire them for any party! You go back on your word. You break your pse. It ain't my it'sr fault! Ok. Easy. Relax. Relax. You have guests to entertain. All right, troops! We go some recon to do! Follow me. You. You are in big trouble! [SCENE_BREAK] [Tires scree, sire Nick: hurry! Let's go! Everybody move over here! Let's go! Move where I can see you! Do it now! You, too! Let's go! Come on! Nick, you don't want to do this, man. Nick: You're right, man. I don't want to do this, all right? But what other choice do have, huh? Empty your pockets and your purses. Put it on the floor here where I can see it. Do it! I just want to make sure nobody arrying. Listen. You do what I say when I say it, nobody gets hurt, you got that? Ok. You! Over here. What are you doing? What do you want with him? Listen don't be a hero right now, ok? Just do what I say. You're making this worse than it is already. I owe you everything, henry. I mean it. You've been great to me, all right? But don't mess with me right now, ok? Come here! Get over here! Henry, please just do what he says. Nick: Let's go! Get a bag, fill it with cash, a lot of cash and then bring it back, you got it? Yes. Nick: Do it! I'm gonna get that loan one way or another. I can not believe this is happening. Yeah, well, it wouldn't be happening to you if you weren't so obsessed. Do you want me to call for hins? No. No, you can'tuse magic. There are cameras everywhere. We can't risk exposure. I've never seen him like this. It's like he just snapped. Oh, really? Is that what he did? Henry, can't you just maybe talk to him? You know, he trusts you. The only one he would listen to right now is his son. If we could only find someone who could bring his son here. This is gonna get ugly. Hello? I have to go to the bathroom. Nick: Hold it! I can'T. Nick: Hey, is there any windows in the bathroom? What? No. Nick: Go. Don't do anything stupid, though, all right? No tricks, just the bathroom. Go! Stay where you are! Everybody else! [Bathroom door do it! Fast! [SCENE_BREAK] Ok, bear infantry. We're gonna head east past the punchbowl and stop at the balloons. Copy that? Tie you shoes, kid. You're better than that. Ok. Keep your heads down, keep your mouth shut... and keep your hands out of your neighbor's pockets, ok? You ready? Follow me. Gotcha! Aah! Take cover! Take cover! [Kids screaming, ng] Oh, that's some good stuff. Phoebe: You know, bright side is, they're having a good time. Piper: This is not a good time. This is chaos. Phoebe: Yeah, but you got to admit the army guy is kinda cute-- Piper: Forget it, phoebe. He's not anatomically correct. You need to go upstairs and reverse the spell. Phoebe: I did not cast a spell. Ok, well, maybe I cast a little, little spell, but this-- this is all . So he's the only one that can reverse this. Piper: Well, he got the idea from you, didn't he? Phoebe: Ok, look, I said I was sorry. I was just playing with the dolls with him to try to make him open up about his emotions. That's all. Piper: That's all? Does this look like "that's all"? Psst! You're late. Paige: 911! Upstairs, now! Ohh... [SCENE_BREAK] now at? Hostages? Are you kidding? Paige: Do I look like I'm kidding? So how did you get out? Paige: I said I had to go to the bathroom, which means I have to hurry, hurry, hurry to get back. Nick has a son, ok? His last name's edwards. If you can find him and bring him down to the bank, that would be fantastic! Wait--how? Paige: Call henry's office, say you know me, say that you know henry and he s's o also, call agent murphy, have him call homeland security and tell S.W.A.T. Down there to not get trigger happy. We don't want nick to get killed. Tell wyatt I said happy birthday. I'm so glad leo's not here to see this. Hey! Stay put. [SCENE_BREAK] Nick: Are you finished? Paige: Jeez, can't a girl have some privacy? Nick: Let's go! Go. What's taking so long? Let's go. Fill it up. Do it now! Ome on fill it up. Put it in there. Paige: JI think we need to buy some time. Do you think maybe you can make a potion from some of that stuff down there? Billie: Thought you didn't want to risk us using magic. Paige: JI don't, but I also don't want anyone to get hurt. Maybe it won't look like magic if there aren't magical ingredients, right? Just see what you can do. Ok? Be car [Ring] Come on. Come on, pick up. All right, that's enough. Put it down. Get back over there. [Phone contngin Nick: I'm listening. My name's lieutenant sanchez. Who am I speaking with? Nick: You're speaking with somebody who wants a helicopter out front in 20 minutes with clear air space. A helicopter? I'm afraid I can't authorize the release of-- Nick: you sure as hell better authorize it or what happens next is on you, pal. And don't try stalling. I know the game. All right, let's be calm and talk about this first, all r? [Sighs] This is lieutenant sanchez. You want me to what? But that's against every negotiating procedure we've-- very well. All right. You got your chopper. 20 minutes. Nick: 20 minutes... and I'm outta here. That doesn't make any sense. They never give in that quickly. Maybe they're hoping someone will talk him down. Reporter: ...But the license plate of the car that rammed into e bank has been traced to nick edwards of ingleside, a decorated ex-marine who... well, now we owe agent murphy again. At least they bought some time. I'm really worried about paige and billie. Do you think we should call the elders? No, it's not a magical problem. There's nothing tn do. There's really nothing we can do either. Should we ask everyone to leave? No, wyatt'll be crushed. This is the most fun he's had in a long time. Thanks to his new huge big action heroes? Yeah. So how well do you know leo? Sheriff: When's the last time you seen him? Answer his question! No, no, no, no! We don't point weapons at the guests! Come on! Wow, do these guys know how put on show or what? [Bang] Get down! Get down! Take cover! Take cover! Ok, ok. It's just a balloon. All right, folks, as you were. Ok, I'll go. You stay with wyatt and make sure he turns pinocchio back into wood. Don't you worry, little buddy. We ain't gonna give up until we find him. You can count on it. [SCENE_BREAK] Paige: Maybe you should go talk to him. Henry: What do you want me to say? Paige: Well, you know him best. Henry: Yeah, it worked so well before. Paige: Come on, henry. Henry: Nick... Nick: don't even start, man, ok? It's no use. Henry: Good. Good. That's what you'll tell your son, right? Nick: You leave him out of this. Henry: He's already in it. The things you do affect your son, nick... big time. Is this what you want for him? Nick: What I want? Henry: Yeah, for for your. Nick: What I want is not to have been treated like a frickin' pariah ever since I got back. Henry: You gotta expect that when you do time. Nick: I'm not talking about when I got out of prison. I'm talking about when I got out of iraq. I risked my life over there, and for what--huh? To be treated like crap ever since I got back? It's not right. Henry: It's not. You're right. It's not right, nick. But neither is this-- getting even, it's not the answer. Revenge makes you do things you're gonna regret. You're hurt. I mean, you're angry. I don't blame you. I would be, too. Nobody here blames you. They'll take that into account. But you gotta stop... right now. For your son. Put that gun down. It's not too late. Gimme the gun. No! Hold your fire! Hold your fi what are you doing? He had him! Who the hell are you? Who are you?! I'm a cop. A cop? You're a cop?! Nick, stop, please! Nick... Nick: get up. Get up! Get against the wall. Get against the wall! Sit down! Stay calm. Henry. Everybody stay calm. Stay calm! All right. Oh... henry? Henry? Henry? [Gasps] Oh, god! [8a41] Stayn. Stay down, ok? Don't move. Don't move. You're gonna be ok. You're gonna be ok. [SCENE_BREAK] Well? The witch has problems of her own at the moment. Explain! She's being held hostage along with one of the charmed ones in a bank. Shots were fired. A mortal was wounded. Why don't they use their powers? Because they can't. And neither can we. It's one of the few things both sides agreed upon eons ago. Neither can leave a magical trail for mortals to follow. The secret must be kept. So we just wait? No. We take advantage of their situation. If I time it just right, I just might be able to force their magical hand, make them choose between exposing their secret and saving innocents, something they're honor-bound to do. But he just said exposing our-- we won't be! They will be! Revenge has many faces... something that little witch is about to learn. Go back. Let me know when it's time... [SCENE_BREAK] come on. Pick up the phone, damn it. Get emt ready in case I get that wounded hostage out. Swat 2, swat 2, are you in position? Over? Copy that, command, but we don't have a clear shot. Over. Are you up and ru t? [SCENE_BREAK] [Whispers] Hi. How's it going? This is nick edwards' son justin. I think he can help. Can I do anything for you? Yeah. You can get me outta here. You're gonna be ok, henry. You just have t han, ok? I know you can do that. Henry: Paige, you gotta talk to him, ok? He doesn't know what he's doing. You can help him. Nick: How is he? Paige: He needs to see a doctor. That's how he is. Nick: Ok. Ok, well, uh... soon as the helicopter gets here. Paige: He might not make it that long. Nick: Hey...I didn't shoot him. Paige: You'ht. You're the one who should have been shot! I'm sorry. I'm just worried about him. I know you are, too, because like you said, henry's been there for you every step of the way, right? Nick: Don't you think I know that? Paige: I do think you know that which is why I know deep down you want to do the right thing and let them take him to a hospital. Nick: They'll crucify me. Paige: They won't. I promise you they't, because we'll tell them what happened. We'll tell them that you did not do this. [Telephone rings] Lieutenant sanchez: Pick up the phone, nick. It's your son. Nick: Justin? Hey, buddy. How you doing? Billie: I think you're getting to him. Paige: Yeah, well... not soon enough. Henry's in pretty bad shape. Billie: Well, he's a tough guy. He'll be ok. Paige: I don't know. If it comes right down to it, I'm gonna orb him outta here. Billie: I thought you didn't want to use magic. Paige: I don't. But I don't want him dying, either. [Exhales] How's it coming? Billie: I don't even know if this is gonna work. Paige: Concentrate... because it has to. [SCENE_BREAK] Phoebe: Ok...whoa, whoa. Let's not scare the guests any more than we already have, ok? What are you guys lookinanyw great white father. Phoebe: Leo? Stand down. He's not here. Maybe we should check the basement. Phoebe: Hey! Back up, all of you. How do you know we have a basement? Don't know. Just do. Phoebe: And who told you to look for leo? No one, ma'am. He's missing...and it's our job to find him. Now if you'll excuse us... Phoebe: no! Go back. Why is it your job? 'Cause it's our fault he's gone. Phoebe: Your fault? How would it be your fault? It is also great white father's fault. He broke his promise. Phoebe: Ok, that's the second time you mentioned the promise. What promise are we talking about? The promise that he would always be there, ma'am... that he would never leave. Unless he left on account of something we done. Phoebe: "We"? Oh, my god. You're not wyatt's toys. You're wyatt. [SCENE_BREAK] Officer: Chopper inbound. Eta, 5 minutes. Nick: Yeah. I love you, too. You know... I never wanted to hurt anybody, especially not henry. I just got so tired of never catching a break, you know? Paige: Still not too late. You know, you can turn this around. Nick: [Laughs] Yeah. Maybe. Not so fast. I still have a score to settle. [SCENE_BREAK] What's going on? Keep it down. We don't want them to hear. Rohtul-as-Nick: I don't mind. As a matter of fact, I want them to know. I want the whole world to know exactly who you are. That's why I chose to possess this poor soul. Billie: Possess? What? Rohtul-as-Nick: You don't recognize me if you're not torturing me, witch? Billie: Rohtul? Rohtul-as-Nick: In the flesh. Literally, as it turns out. And you're not gonna be able to stop me without using your powers...something you'll have to do if you want to save your friend over there before it's too late. Paige: Why are you doing this? Rohtul-as-Nick: Why don't you ask her? Did you really think that your vindictive rampage through the underworld would go unphed that we would just let it keep happening? Henry: Paige. Go. Go ahead. I have all the time in the world! Henry: What's happening? Paige: Shh, shh, shh. Try not to talk, ok? Just save your strength. Henry: He was gonna give up. I...I saw. Paige: Shh. Just stay calm. Henry: I don't understand. Paige: All you need to know is that I'm gonna get you out of here, ok? I promise you. You need to trust me. Paige. I can't believe s all mylt. I swear I didn't know. Billie: Fortunately, you're not the only one who wants revenge. Paige: Why? What are you talking about? I think we should give him exactly what he came for. Billie: But he came for me. Paige: I know. I just need you to go and finish that potion as soon as you can. Whoa, wait a minute. What do you mean you're not ready to leave? We had a deal. I held up my end of the bargain. Yeah, well, I've changed my mind. How 'bout you give me a little more time to think it through? Yeah, I have plenty of time. I'll just wait around another 20 minutes. It doesn't matter. I have all the time in the world. Thank you. I don't get it. This guy's schizo. It's like he's a completely different person all of a sudden. [SCENE_BREAK] Swat 2, swat 2. Come in. Over. [SCENE_BREAK] Bye! Thanks for coming. bye. Bye, sweet girl. Take care. Thank you so much. This was the best birthday party emma has ever been to. Those characters were amazing! Yeah, well, you can thank wyatt for that. [Laughing] took a tthe wo the bank-- demonically worse. What? How do you know? It's just a hunch, but I think billie's possessor demon just stole the show. And if I read paige's signal correctly, she's gonna need our help to stop him. Ok. Let's try it again. Oh! He beat me again. Easy on the knee, kid. Is he safe with them? More than you know. [Action heroe slappin ter] All right. Round 2. Let's go. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] Paige: Come on, henry. Ok, henry. I just need you to hang on, ok? Just a little longer. Do you really want him to die... more than you wanna save your precious secret? Paige: Leave me alone. Oh...obviously, you care for him quite a bit. Go ahead and orb him out of here. You can do it. I know you want to. Paige: Shut up! You can't let him paige. You'll never be able to forgive yourself if you do. What? [Gasps, coughs] Am I dead? No. You're alive. That's not possible. That's not possible! This is not happening. This is not happening! I'll kill him. I swear I'll kill him! You better stop me... or he dies. 1... 2... now! What did you do? What did you do?! Fine. I'll take her. That's all I ever wanted anyway. Let's go! It's ok. She knows what she's doing. Anybody tries anything... she's dead! You understand?! Swat 2, do you have a clear shot? Over. I mean it! Let's go! Let's go! Swat officer: Negative, command. Stand by... if I die, she dies. Open the door! I can kill her. Get in! I can still shoot her! Swat officer: I've got a shot. Permission to shoot? Over. Negative. Hold your fire! Damn it! I'm back. Finally. Where'd you go, kansas? Had tea with the queen. Funny. [SCENE_BREAK] Henry: Listen, you don't have to take me out on a gurney. You were shot in the stomach mr. . We're taking you in. Henry: I know this sounds crazy... I feel fine. Yeah, well, you're a lucky man. Looks like that bullet somehow missed every major organ. It's unbelievable. Henry: Yeah. Par for the course, lately. Any word on billie? Paige: No. Apparently, the helicopter landed in harding park, but there's no sign of billie or nick. Henry: You don't seem very worried. Paige: Well, you don't know billie like I do. She's a pretty savvy girl. Henry: I hope. Mm-hmm. Henry: Mm-hmm. Paige: Well, ok, um... I guess I should be going now. Henry: Where you gonna go? Paige: I was gonna call piper and tell her, um... that w we're ok. Henry: Good. Hey. You were all I could think about. Paige: Oh! Ok. Uh... well, I'll see you soon, henry. [Cordless phone] paige: Hey, it's me. We're almost done with the potion. Ah! That's great. Ok...they should be there any second. Are you sure it's the possessor demon? Because that's what we're making the potion for. Positive. Ok, I'm outta here. I'll be there as soon as I can. [SCENE_BREAK] So much for being under the protection of the charmed ones. But I thought you said you were going to try to expose them. Still... this is the one I wanted. This is the one we all wanted. Looks like you're never gonna find your sister after all. After you. Energy balls! Surprise! [Coughing] How-- but you can't orb! No. But paige can. She switched identities during the smoke bomb. With the real billie. Talking about me? This one? Sure. Ah, ah! So, uh, where were we? Aah! Yes... where were we? What is it gonna take to get through to you? Billie: You guys, I know. Believe me, I get it. You don't have to tell me anymore. I justna find my sister so badly. Piper: I know, and I wanna get my husband back very badly, but that doesn't mean I run around half-cocked all the time to do it. And it's not gonna do your sister any good if you get killed while trying to find her. Billie: I know that now. I'm not gonna let vengeance drive me to try and find her. Now it's about bringing her home safely. And that's it. What do we do with him? Well, ess I'll orb he andllie to park. Maybe you can stumble outta there calling for help? Well, what's he gonna do? He's probably gonna have to go back to prison unless henry can find somebody to help him out. Hey, speaking of henry, how did he make such a miraculous recovery? I don't really think we have to discuss that now. What happened? Well, I think that paige heale it's very important-- that this isn't your fault. It's not anybody's fault. It just is. And I know it's hard to understand, but...I'm gonna do everything in my power to get your daddy back, ok? I'm gonna do everything I can to bring your daddy back. That's a good job, buddy. Come here. Oh, my goodness. You're such a big boy. Don't worry.

With the intention of helping his parolee get a loan, Henry, along with Paige, go to a bank but instead the parolee decides to take everyone at the bank hostage. Meanwhile, Phoebe and Piper have their hands full when, during Wyatt's third birthday party, Wyatt uses his projection power to turn three of his toys into real people. Unfortunately the situation at the bank degenerates when Henry is accidentally shot and a possessor demon, wanting to expose the Charmed Ones, possesses the parole and tries to force Paige to orb Henry to a hospital and expose herself. Unexpectedly she develops the Whitelighter healing power and heals Henry's wound before switching places with Billie using her glamouring power. Paige is taken hostage by the demon who takes her to Magic School, but Paige orbs them to the manor attic where Piper and Phoebe dispossesses the parolee and Billie vanquishes the demon.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_03x31

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_03x31_0

THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER by BRIAN HAYLES and GERRY DAVIS first broadcast - 9th April 1966 running time - 24mins 45secs [SCENE_BREAK] 1. INSIDE THE TOYROOM (STEVEN and DODO have defeated CLARA and JOEY. At the far end of the toyroom, one of the walls lights up and a police box appears. They cautiously move across the room and examine it only to discover that it is not the real TARDIS.) DODO: (With disbelief.) It can't be empty! STEVEN: It is. Look. (Just the square outline of an empty police telephone box is inside.) DODO: What's that? (DODO bends down and picks up a piece of paper from the floor and reads it.) DODO: "Four legs, no feet, of arms no lack, it carries no burden on its back. Six deadly sisters, seven for choice, call the servants without voice." What does it mean? STEVEN: A riddle. Look, here's a way out. (The back of the police box swings open.) DODO: Perhaps this is to tell us where the TARDIS is. STEVEN: (Shrugging.) Or perhaps it's just another game. Anyway, we've got to find out. (STEVEN goes through the opening. DODO remains behind and looks back at the two clowns. All she sees are two, small, twisted clown figures, now the size of dolls. Shocked, she turns and runs quickly after STEVEN.) DODO: This is the next game? STEVEN: No. We'll find the next game behind this door. (STEVEN waves his hand at her, motioning to a large door at the back of the police box.) DODO: How can you be sure? STEVEN: (Nodding.) Look. (STEVEN points to the center of the door where there is a panel showing the DOCTOR's tally recorder. The top line reads 1,023 and the bottom reads 415.) DODO: The Doctor's move recorder for his game. STEVEN: Yes, I know. This door is here to delay us. (The door is covered with many bolts and locks. STEVEN and DODO undo them.) STEVEN: I think we're meant to try to get it open. The Toymaker is hoping that we'll waste time. (They finish unbolting the locks.) STEVEN: Whew! That should do it. (STEVEN pushes the door.) STEVEN: It won't open. DODO: But it must. (DODO throws her body against the door, but it does not give.) DODO: (Impatiently.) What's wrong with it? I know, let's pull instead. (Each one grabs hold of a bolt and pulls. The door slowly creaks open. A bit of bright light falls across their faces, and they move towards it in amazement. They enter a large medieval throne room. The walls are decorated with elaborate tapestries, the floors are thickly carpeted, and four throne-like chairs are before them. Each is different but all have intricate carvings. All have a red cushion, and each chair is numbered one to four.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER'S PRIVATE STUDY (With only his hand visible, the DOCTOR continues the game.) DOCTOR: (Chuckling with satisfaction.) I haven't made a mistake yet. TOYMAKER: (Materializing before him.) Let's hope not, Doctor. I would hate you to end up in my dolls' house. (He looks over to one of the Victorian doll's house.) TOYMAKER: I reserve that fate for your two friends. DOCTOR: (Confidently.) They'll win, too. TOYMAKER: No, they will lose one game, and then like the clowns, they'll become my toys, and we shall be able to amuse ourselves through all eternity. DOCTOR: What do you mean? TOYMAKER: You remember the agreement? They must find your TARDIS before you finish your game. If they don't, then you will have to stay here, and you'll be in my power forever. Look. They've already reached their next test. DOCTOR: That game? I might have known. (talking into the monitor.) Steven! Dodo! Take care. It's chair number-- (THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER cuts off the interconnecting sound. He is very angry.) TOYMAKER: You fool! Now I have been forced to make you dumb as well as intangible. You cannot speak until you have reached the second-to-last move of the trilogic game. Now then, let them play their games whilst you play yours. (To the game pieces in a high-pitched voice.) Go for move 444. (To the DOCTOR.) And no more clever tricks, if you please. (The DOCTOR's hand moves toward the game board.) TOYMAKER: Your friends managed to outwit my clowns. I shall have to find more worthy opponents for them. (He picks up a deck of cards and spreads them out on his desk.) TOYMAKER: There! I think perhaps the Heart family. They have great experience in a great variety of games. (The TOYMAKER disappears.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. THE FIRST THRONE ROOM (STEVEN and DODO are roaming around the room, examining everything in it.) STEVEN: The Doctor was trying to warn us. (As STEVEN speaks, the TOYMAKER materializes before them.) TOYMAKER: (Sharply and curtly.) I'm seriously annoyed with your friend. Once again, he tried to talk to you, so I've had to deprive him of his voice. Let it be a warning to you. Play the games according to the rules I set, or give up now. STEVEN: The rules you set??!! Your own players break them. They cheat! DODO: How can we believe anything you say? Everything here is so strange. STEVEN: We can't even be certain that that was the Doctor's voice we heard before. It could be you leading us toward another trap. TOYMAKER: (Smiling.) I'm glad to see you're at last treating me with respect. DODO: Only as long as you have the Doctor. After that, we'll see-- (The TOYMAKER disappears.) STEVEN: Forget it, Dodo, he's gone. (Looking around.) What odd looking chairs. Perhaps these are what the Doctor was trying to warn us about. (As STEVEN and DODO stare at the spot where the TOYMAKER stood, two people enter. They are two full-sized King and Queen of Hearts, like playing cards. The QUEEN is tall and haughty looking. The KING is short and heavy-set and has a slightly bewildered yet friendly expression.) QUEEN: (To the KING, as she enters the room.) Is this the room? (The KING does not respond.) QUEEN: Is this the room, I said. KING: (Looking around, muttering.) I think so, my dear, uh hmm. QUEEN: (With obvious distaste.) And I suppose these are the people we have to play against. KING: Hmm? (Glancing around and then shuffling over to DODO and STEVEN.) Oh! Oh! Peasants, my dear, hmm. QUEEN: Peasants! STEVEN: (Very insulted.) Just a minute. Who do you think you're calling a peasant? DODO: (Taking his arm.) Steven, don't you see who they are? STEVEN: Well, yes, they do look familiar. DODO: (Cheerfully.) They're playing cards! We shall play our next game with a couple of playing cards! STEVEN: (Glumly.) The Toymaker's warped sense of humor, I suppose. (The KING and the QUEEN, meanwhile, are looking over the chairs.) QUEEN: None of these look in the least like your throne. KING: (Returning from his own little dream world.) Hmmm? No, no, no, they don't, do we my dear. Although the Toymaker did say we'd find them in here, didn't he, hmm? STEVEN: What was that riddle again? DODO: Ah "...four legs, no feet, of arms no lack, it carries no burden on its back." STEVEN: (Excitedly.) That must be these chairs! DODO: But what about the rest of it? "Six deadly sisters, seven for choice, call the servants without voice." STEVEN: Hmmm...well, that can't be the chairs. There are only three of them. (The QUEEN taps the KING on the shoulder with her fan.) QUEEN: You're not paying the least attention again. KING: (In his own little dream world.) Hmmm? QUEEN: I warned you, if we don't find that throne, he'll keep us here. We shall remain playing cards for the rest of eternity. KING: (Awakening from this dream world.) Ah! Very good point, my dear. Yes, yes, we must find the throne. (The KING goes closer to the chairs and pulls out a monocle. He polishes it and proceeds to examine them.) DODO: What do you make of them? They seem almost like real people. STEVEN: Uh... ignore them. They're sent here to distract us. Let's take a look through here. (STEVEN and DODO exit, making their way through a passage.) QUEEN: Where's that Knave? Cyril! Cyril! Tormenting the Joker again I'll be--. (The door to the throne room opens and an odd looking pair enter. One is tall and slender--the Joker. He is sad looking with stooped shoulders and wears a joker's hat as well as bells. He looks just like the Joker from a deck of cards. The other is a fat, red-cheeked boy with innocent-looking eyes. He is dressed as the Jack of Hearts. He carries a short sword.) JOKER: (Moaning and groaning to the KING and the QUEEN.) Did you have to give him that sword? QUEEN: (Waving her fan impatiently.) Quiet, Fool. (To CYRIL, the JACK OF HEARTS.) Cyril, what are you doing? (The JACK OF HEARTS is prodding the JOKER with his sword.) CYRIL: Nothing. Just playing with the Fool. I'm hungry. (CYRIL sheaths his sword.) KING: (Looking at CYRIL.) Ho, ho! The boy's always hungry. JOKER: (Softly.) He's a pig. QUEEN: (Angrily.) What did you say? JOKER: I said, "Give him a fig." (Nervously.) I... I thought there was a throne to find. QUEEN: So there is. (Looking around the room.) Where have those peasants gone? KING: Hmm? Oh, uh, through that door, my dear. QUEEN: (Impatiently.) Why didn't you tell me? KING: Well, you never asked, me dear. QUEEN: We must follow them at once. KING: Oh... QUEEN: (Snapping.) Fool, you stay here and look after these chairs. KING: Oh, but, uh, now that the Fool is here, don't you think we could have a joke or two? QUEEN: (Impatiently.) No! Come on. KING: Oh, well, then, a riddle then? Hmmm? Or a merry quip? QUEEN: (Impatiently.) Are you coming? KING: (Clears his throat.) Oh, ahem, yes, my dear... hmm... hmm... hmm... (The KING and the QUEEN exit the first throne room while the JOKER and CYRIL remain behind.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4. THE SECOND THRONE ROOM (STEVEN and DODO are in the second throne room. This one is panelled in dark, weathered oak. On the two main facing walls there are four cupboards each shaped like the TARDIS. In the center of the room there are three thrones. These are less elaborate than the others and are minus the cushions. They are numbered "five," "six," and "seven.".) STEVEN: Dodo! Four in here, three in there. It must be the chairs. What it "Six deadly sisters, seven for choice." I suppose that means six of them are dangerous. DODO: And only one is the right one. STEVEN: We'll have to find out which one by elimination. But how? How dangerous are they? (STEVEN walks over to the first of the chairs and begins to lower himself into the seat.) DODO: (Screaming.) No Steven! Don't! (STEVEN stands up and comes toward her.) STEVEN: Why? What's wrong? DODO: Don't risk it. None of the Toymakers' toys are just jokes. Six of these chairs will destroy us. STEVEN: It's a charming thought, but you're probably right. But Dodo, have you noticed all these cupboards? They're all exactly the same shape as the TARDIS. DODO: (Shuddering.) Yes, but they could be as dangerous as the chairs. (STEVEN thinks for a moment and then nods his head.) STEVEN: No, I don't think so. There are only four, and there weren't any in the other room. (STEVEN crosses over to the cupboard nearest the door, opens it, and the steps back in amazement. DODO walks over to check and then lets out a scream. Inside are two life-size dolls, dressed as ballerinas. They have large painted eyes, tutus, and ballet shoes.) STEVEN: Alright, they're only dolls. (STEVEN walks over to the another cupboard and opens the door. Inside are two more life-size dolls. DODO opens a third cupboard and discovers two more ballerinas and one male ballet dancer.) DODO: I've got it! We'll use the dolls to sit in the chairs. If we've got enough that is. That's four here, and these three make up the seven. (DODO reaches into the cupboard to pull out the male doll.) STEVEN: Don't touch them! (DODO stops.) DODO: Why? What's wrong? STEVEN: Well, they may be dangerous, too. DODO: But the riddle said "six deadly sisters," and some of these are men dolls. STEVEN: What was the last line again? DODO: Ah... "call the servants without voice." You can't call someone without speaking. STEVEN: But they haven't got voices. We have. (To the dolls.) Dolls - come out! (DODO stands behind STEVEN waiting to see if the dolls come to life. Nothing happens.) STEVEN: Look, they must be the servants. Maybe it's, um, poetic term, the call bit. Huh, nothing's happened yet. Well, if we can get them all out before the king and queen get here, we can test the chairs. (STEVEN reaches inside the first cupboard and begins pulling out the dolls and dumping them on the floor. Meanwhile, DODO is standing in front of the fourth cupboard, staring at it.) DODO: Wait. With seven dolls in three cupboards, what's the other one for? STEVEN: Perhaps that might be the real TARDIS. (By now STEVEN has finished removing the the dolls from the first and second cupboard. He goes over to the fourth cupboard and tries to open it. It won't budge.) DODO: It won't open. (The KING and the QUEEN enter the room unnoticed.) STEVEN: Of course - the Doctor's got the key. C'mon - look! (STEVEN notes the robot displaying the DOCTOR's tally.) STEVEN: The Doctor's more than half way through his game already. We've got to find out what we've got to do here first. Quick! Before the others arrive. QUEEN: (To the KING.) Ahh... the peasants again. (To DODO and STEVEN.) Caught you in the act. What are you up to? KING: (Looking at the dolls.) Oh, uh, they seem to be playing with dolls, my dear. QUEEN: (Angrily.) I can see that. The point is, what are they doing with them? (All the while, DODO has been studying the faces of the "Heart" family.) DODO: (To STEVEN.) They seem very real. (To the "Heart" family.) We're going to use the dolls to test the chairs. QUEEN: (Raising her eyebrows.) To test them? DODO: Yes. Six of them are dangerous and only one is safe. (Giggling.) You know, I feel very foolish talking to a playing card. QUEEN: (Outraged.) A playing card? DODO: Well aren't you? STEVEN: Dodo, its useless talking to them. They're just products of the Toymaker's imagination. QUEEN: (Looking extremely indignant.) We're as real as you are. Henry... KING: (Mutters something.) Oh, uh, yes, m'dear? QUEEN: Come here. KING: Yes, m'dear. QUEEN: Let this wretched child feel your arm. KING: (Confused.) Feel my arm?! (The QUEEN impatiently grabs DODO's arm and puts it onto the KING's.) QUEEN: There, child. Isn't that an arm? Not much of one, I grant you, but nevertheless, a real arm. DODO: (Excitedly.) It is! Steven, these are real people. Feel his arm! STEVEN: No, I'll take your word for it. (To the KING and QUEEN.) Look, if you're real people, what are you doing here? And why are you wearing those ridiculous clothes? KING: (Nodding wearily.) Ah yes, well, it would take a little too long to explain, my boy. The fact is that we are victims of the Toymaker, the same as you are. (Mutters.) For instance, if I were to sit in this chair... (The KING begins to sit.) QUEEN: (Screaming.) Henry - no! We don't know! KING: Oh! Oh, no, no, no, we don't, do we, hmm? QUEEN: (Emphatically.) We must use the dolls. We'll each choose a doll in turn, and then we'll take it in turn to test the chairs, that way we'll find the answer even quicker. DODO: (Taken aback.) We found the dolls. They're ours. And we're supposed to be playing against you. QUEEN: But that doesn't seem right. There are four dolls and four of us. We must be meant to have one each. That's only fair. KING: And then we can test the dolls sitting in the chair before doing so ourselves, hmm? DODO: (Confused.) What do you mean one each? What about... STEVEN: It's alright Dodo. DODO: Yes, but what about... (DODO points to the other cupboard containing the three dolls.) STEVEN: It'll be alright. (Under his breath.) Now never mind and keep quiet. (To the KING and QUEEN.) Alright, go ahead. Choose your dolls. DODO: But I don't understand. What about the others? KING: Oh, no no no, don't fuss yourself, m'dear. The point of the game is to see who picks the chair which isn't dangerous, and whoever does that is the winner. If it's you, you'll get your TARDIS back, and if it is us, we get our liberty. STEVEN: Now, he's right Dodo. Now go on, choose your doll, and keep quiet. We'll try our luck in the other room. DODO: Oh, very well. (STEVEN and DODO each pick up a doll and head for the first throne room.) KING: Oh, are you going, m'dear? STEVEN: We'll see you later. QUEEN: I thought we were all supposed to play this game together? STEVEN: Well as there are seven chairs, I thought that Dodo and I might try our luck in the other room. And that way we'll all have an equal chance. KING: Ah yes, yes, yes, certainly m'boy, yes, anything you like. Well (Mutters.), good luck. (STEVEN, still carrying his doll, moves closer to the passageway.) STEVEN: Come on, Dodo. DODO: Alright, I'm coming. They're so big! (They exit.) KING: (Chuckles.) Charming couple, aren't they, hmm? QUEEN: (Frowning with annoyance.) It isn't very charming to be told you're not real. We were not amused. Well, which chair do you suggest? KING: (Muttering.) Yes, well (Mutters.), none of them look like the throne, do they m'dear, hmm? QUEEN: Well, then you must pick one at random. KING: Ah, yes of course, random, yes (Chuckling.), ah now... (Closing his eyes and muttering.) Eenie meenie minie moe, catch a nigger by the toe... (Chuckles.) Ah! (The KING is just about to put his hand on the chair.) QUEEN: No, Henry! Put the doll in it. KING: (Lifting the doll.) Ooh, the doll, yes, of course, the doll. (Muttering.) Yes, my dear, you're...of course, of course, pick up the doll. Ah, here we are then. Now then, we'll take the doll and then-- ooof! I say it's rather...rather heavy my dear. Nearly as heavy as I am, I've...no doubt that, uh, this will...be perfectly good test for the... (The KING puts the ballerina doll into the chair. As soon as the doll sits on it, two clamps come out of the chair - one across the legs the other across the chest, fastening the doll firmly. The chair then begins to vibrate violently.) QUEEN: (Looking on in horror.) Henry! (The doll's head falls off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. THE FIRST THRONE ROOM (DODO and STEVEN enter the first throne room, dragging their huge ballerina dolls. They don't notice the JOKER and CYRIL napping on the floor until STEVEN trips over them.) STEVEN: Oh, no... not more playing cards! (The JOKER moves away from STEVEN. Meanwhile DODO can't help smiling at the shocked expression of the JOKER.) DODO: They look rather sweet, don't they? A Jack and the Joker. (STEVEN picks up his doll, which he dropped when he tripped, and drags it closer to the thrones. He motions for DODO to join him. When she is near him, STEVEN quietly speaks to her.) STEVEN: Leave them alone, and concentrate. You nearly gave the game away in the other room. They think that there are only four dolls. Now if everyone chooses the wrong chair with those dolls, we're going to need the extra ones to find the right chair. DODO: Is that fair? They seem quite nice and friendly. STEVEN: Can't you understand, we've got to win every game, otherwise we'll never see the TARDIS again. This isn't a children's party. DODO: (Innocently.) Well, I'm sure if you explained that then the King and Queen would help us. STEVEN: (With great frustration.) Oh, Dodo they belong to the Toymaker, remember that. He wants to keep us here - at any rate the Doctor. DODO: Why? STEVEN: I don't know, and it doesn't matter. But we've got to find the TARDIS before the Doctor finishes the game he's playing. (Pause.) Right. (Pause.) Throw your doll into a chair. DODO: Throw it? STEVEN: Yes. Six of these chairs are deadly, remember that. I don't want to see either of us caught out by one of those. Now throw it. DODO: Very well. (The doll is thrown into the chair marked "three." There is a flash, and STEVEN and DODO step back. Thick black smoke begins pouring from the doll.) DODO: What happened? (STEVEN tries beating off the smoke. As it clears, they see that the doll is charred and blackened and sprawled grotesquely across the seat.) STEVEN: It was... some sort of electrocution! That could've been us! DODO: (Nodding grimly.) Yes... I see what you mean about this not being a children's party. (Upon hearing "party," CYRIL shakes himself awake and sits up.) CYRIL: A party? Is it tea time, already? Mmmm... I smell crumpets toasting! (CYRIL looks over at the charred doll and wrinkles his nose.) CYRIL: What's that? (CYRIL stands up, looks over at STEVEN and DODO, and nervously backs away from the doll in the chair.) DODO: Oh, oh, don't be scared of us. (DODO moves toward him, but CYRIL turns away and bolts out of the room, heading for the second throne room. STEVEN, meanwhile, raises the other doll.) STEVEN: Alright. Stand by. I'm going to try chair number one. (STEVEN flings the doll into the chair marked "one." There is a slow whirring noise. A blade protruding from the back of the chair slices the doll neatly in half. Both pieces fall to the floor.) DODO: Horrible! The Toymaker must be mad! Do you really think he means to kill us? STEVEN: What do you think? DODO: Well, what do we do now? STEVEN: Well, we've got to get the other dolls! We've got to get out of this place! DODO: We can't go in there! STEVEN: Why? DODO: Or they'll know about the three extra dolls, then! [SCENE_BREAK] 6. THE SECOND THRONE ROOM (Inside the second throne room the headless doll still shakes violently in the chair marked "seven" as the KING and QUEEN look on.) QUEEN: Henry! Turn the thing off! KING: I don't think I can get near enough m'dear. (Suddenly the chair stops shaking, and the doll is released, falling onto the floor in bits and pieces. CYRIL enters the room from behind them.) CYRIL: I wish you'd stop this silly game! KING: (Smiling and pointing to the chair marked "four".) Father's a very nice chair here for you, my boy. (CYRIL is appalled and stands by his mother's side, clutching her dress.) CYRIL: (Whining.) Mother! Did you hear what he said? QUEEN: (Indignantly.) Henry! KING: (Chuckling.) Well, just a harmless little joke, m'dear, hmm hmm. Yes, well, I suppose we'd better try the doll in it, don't you think? Ahh... (Muttering and struggling with the doll.) now then... upsie dazie... we shall try the... this, uh, chair now. (The KING picks up the remaining doll and flings it onto the chair marked "four." The KING, the QUEEN, and CYRIL watch as the doll slowly fades away.) KING: Oh dear! It's - it's disappeared! QUEEN: I can see that! Well, that leaves us with chairs number five and six. What do you propose we do now? KING: (Thinking for a moment.) Well, I suppose we'd better see how that young couple are getting on in their room, hmm? QUEEN: Well, they can't have succeeded. We'd have had a visit from the Toymaker if they had. KING: (Muttering.) Ah! Yeah... oh, we need two more dolls, hmm hmm hmm. (The KING looks regretfully at CYRIL. Meanwhile, CYRIL has forgotten what his father said before and now proceeds to eat a banana that he had in his pocket.) KING: (Muttering again.) Uh, yes, a pity, hmm. I know, the Fool! QUEEN: (Disdainfully.) Oh really Henry! How you can think of entertainment at a time like this - ? (Catching on to HENRY's meaning.) Oh yes, of course. I see... the Fool! KING: (Nodding.) Precisely, my dear. (The KING laughs. He offers his arm to his wife, and they turn to leave for the first throne room. CYRIL stops eating his banana, glances back fearfully at the chairs and the dolls, and hurries off after them. CYRIL: (Screaming.) Mother! Mother! [SCENE_BREAK] 7. THE FIRST THRONE ROOM (STEVEN and DODO are still in the first throne room. STEVEN is lying partly under chair "two." He puts a tentative hand up toward it. DODO watches this in horror.) STEVEN: No, it's no use. I can't tell a thing just by looking at it. We'll have to get those other dolls. DODO: The King and Queen are coming. STEVEN: (Nodding.) Good! I'll tell you what I'll do... I'll try to distract them. You step into the other room and test the chairs. If they're both deadly, then this must be the right one. (The KING and QUEEN enter.) KING: Ahh! Still one chair left to try, I see. (The KING chuckles.) QUEEN: Why don't you try it, girl? DODO: (Sticking out her tongue.) Why don't you? (The QUEEN, insulted, turns her back on DODO.) STEVEN: Haven't you had any luck either? No more dolls. Rather looks like a stalemate, doesn't it? KING: Ah! Not quite, my boy. (The KING chuckles.) KING: Oh no, I still have one card to play, hmm hmm... uh, if, you'll, uh, excuse the expression, hmm hmm. (The KING looks down at the sleeping JOKER and stirs him awake with his foot. The JOKER slowly awakens and rises to his feet.) JOKER: Oh, what goes up the chimney down, and can't come down the chimney up? KING: (Muttering.) Down the chimney... oh no, no, no, my dear fellow, no, no not work! We want your advice, don't we my dear? QUEEN: (Shocked.) Advice??!! From a Fool??!! KING: We still have to pick a throne, my dear, hmm hmm. QUEEN: (With understanding.) Ahhh... KING: Ah, now then, my dear fellow, for instance, um, what do you think of this chair? (The KING leads the JOKER to the chair marked "two." Finally realizing what the KING has in mind, STEVEN runs ahead of them and blocks their way to the throne.) STEVEN: No you don't! Not this one! (The JOKER is still oblivious as to what is going on. He looks at the KING and STEVEN with confusion. Suddenly, DODO runs into the room.) DODO: Steven, the cupboard with the other three dolls - it's locked. I can't open it. STEVEN: But you must. It was open before. QUEEN: (Outraged.) Three more dolls? KING: (Waving his index finger in the air.) And you kept them from us? QUEEN: Cheat! KING: Dear! Dear! STEVEN: (Pointing to the JOKER.) Oh-o, you can talk after what you were about to do to this poor fellow? JOKER: (Still unaware of the KING's plan.) Poor fel - oh... what's that?! KING: (Muttering.) Oh, eh, nothing, my dear chap! Uh, now, ah, come with us. We can't leave you in such company. QUEEN: ... in back. KING: Come on my dear fellow... QUEEN: Come Cyril! (The KING and QUEEN exit the first throne room. CYRIL sticks his tongue out at STEVEN and DODO and then follows his parents. The JOKER hesitates, lost in some train of thought, but then follows them. Now STEVEN turns to DODO.) STEVEN: (Sighs angrily.) Now you've done it... handed them the game, right on a platter! If this isn't the real chair, we've lost the game. DODO: (Folding her arms obstinately.) I don't see that. STEVEN: Look... they've got two more chairs to test. They get the Joker to sit on one; if this isn't the right chair, then the other one must be. (STEVEN gives DODO a look of disgust and turns away folding his arms. DODO is almost in tears. She turns toward the chairs and makes a decision. She begins to lower herself onto chair "two.".) [SCENE_BREAK] 8. THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER'S PRIVATE STUDY (The TOYMAKER is leaning back watching the hand of the DOCTOR play the trilogic game. The tally register has recorded 690 moves by the DOCTOR.) TOYMAKER: You've been moving along very satisfactorily. It's especially commendable considering that young Dodo has chosen to sit in the wrong chair - the freezing chair. (The DOCTOR's hand pauses and remains stiffly in the air.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. THE FIRST THRONE ROOM (STEVEN, horrified, discovers DODO sitting on chair "two.") STEVEN: Dodo - you fool! (STEVEN rushes to DODO's side, but discovers that an invisible barrier of some sort is set around the throne.) DODO: (Teeth chattering.) Steven, I feel cold... all the way through. STEVEN: (Emphatically.) Stand up! DODO: Help me. I'm freezing. I... can't... move. STEVEN: Stand up. DODO: (Shaking her head.) I... can't! STEVEN: Look! Try! You must. You must try. DODO: I... think I'm... turning to... ice, Steven. STEVEN: Fight the cold! Fight it, Dodo. You've got to get out of that chair. Now fight it! DODO: It's... no... use. STEVEN: (With desperation.) Look, you must try. We've got to concentrate - together. DODO: We... can't. STEVEN: We must - now! (STEVEN extends his hand to DODO. This time the barrier parts as their combined wills dissipate it. STEVEN grips DODO's hand. Immediately he feels an intense cold penetrating his hand and arm. DODO begins breathing heavily. Both of them exert every ounce of will and determination. Finally, with a great rush, DODO comes off the chair and tumbles on top of STEVEN.) DODO: (Teeth still chattering.) Ah! Oooh! Oh, thank you. You did it. STEVEN: (Gasping for breath and rubbing his hands together.) Oh, we did it together. DODO: Oh no, I couldn't do a thing. I couldn't move. STEVEN: Thank goodness you're safe. The Doctor would never have forgiven me if anything had happened to you. DODO: (Rubbing the circulation back into her body.) But Steven, we've lost. [SCENE_BREAK] 10. THE SECOND THRONE ROOM (The KING and QUEEN are standing by chairs "five" and "six" with the JOKER. Behind them CYRIL squats on the ground eating another banana. The KING turns to the JOKER.) KING: Well, there's a much better choice in here. Now give us your honest opinion: which is the better chair? JOKER: (Looking suspiciously at the KING and QUEEN.) Well, sir, I... I think, ah... perhaps that one. (He points to chair "six.") KING: (Looking at the chair through his monocle.) Number six? Good! Good! Well, it is not possible really to test a chair by just looking at it, hmmm? QUEEN: (Impatiently.) Now come on, Fool, we haven't got all day! JOKER: (Muttering to himself.) Oh, poor fellow. Poor fellow. (The KING begins to laugh.) JOKER: What's he laughing at? QUEEN: He wasn't laughing, were you? KING: Hmm? (The KING starts laughing harder than before.) JOKER: (Wearily.) And they call me a fool. KING: Well, look, ahem, sit down my dear fellow. (The KING chuckles some more.) JOKER: (Moving away from the chairs.) Oh, not on your life, sire. A joke's a joke. I'm giving notice. You can try out your chairs for yourself. (The JOKER raises his jester's wand at them and leaves. The KING and QUEEN are stunned. Then they turn to CYRIL and the KING raises his hand. CYRIL scrambles to his feet and follows the JOKER.) KING: Humph! Your son, I think, ahem, my dear, hmm. QUEEN: Well, what do you propose we do now? KING: Well there is nothing else for it. You'll have to try out the chair. QUEEN: (Astonished.) I??!! KING: (Muttering.) Well, one of us will have to, ahem. I know - we'll draw matches, hmm? (He brings out a box of matches and opens it.) QUEEN: (Shaking her head.) No! I don't trust your matches. We will toss for it. (The QUEEN pulls out a coin and does so.) QUEEN: Heads! Ah! KING: (Chuckling.) You forget, my dear. I know that coin has got two heads, hmm, hmm. QUEEN: (Putting her coin away.) Then... KING: Then... we will both sit in it. QUEEN: And if we go, we go together? (Finally! The first real display of love between them.) KING: My love. (The KING takes the QUEEN on his arm. They walk over to chair "six" and slowly sit down.) KING: Nothing happened. QUEEN: It's alright. KING: We worried for nothing. (Suddenly, the chair collapses, entangling and imprisoning them in the wreckage just as STEVEN and DODO enter the room.) DODO: (Looking the KING and QUEEN over.) Oh the poor things! We must help them. STEVEN: No, not now! (He points to chair "five.") DODO: You mean... STEVEN: That must be the one. (STEVEN walks over to it and without hesitating, sits down. The room darkens and a light comes on from the fourth cupboard that wouldn't open earlier. It now slides out as they watch until finally it stands almost clear of the wall - an unmistakable police box!.) DODO: (Excitedly.) We've won! There's the TARDIS! As soon as the Doctor wins his game, we can go! We're safe! (DODO runs up to the TARDIS and opens the door.) DODO: (With great disappointment.) Oh no! It can't be! It's got to be the real one. Look! It's happened again. (STEVEN joins her and observes that the box is, indeed, just a police box.) STEVEN: It's another of those that the Toymaker's made. Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Well, what now? DODO: You know, we never really solved that last riddle - call the servants without voice. STEVEN: (Nodding with disappointment.) No. Let's try again. You never know. (STEVEN steps outside of the call box and begins to call out to the dolls.) STEVEN: Dolls, dolls, wherever you are - come out! (The telephone in the police box rings. DODO stares at the cupboard with the remaining three dolls. Nothing appears to have happened. STEVEN turns and picks up the telephone receiver and puts it to his ear. It's the TOYMAKER.) TOYMAKER: You're doing better than I thought. But don't rest on your laurels. The Doctor is succeeding even faster than you. Time and luck are running out. Here is the next clue: "Hunt the key to fit the door that leads out on the dancing floor; then escape the rhythmic beat, or you'll forever tap your feet." (There is a clicking sound over the telephone. THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER hung up the phone.) STEVEN: But... DODO: He's gone. (STEVEN hangs up the phone. As he does so, the entire back wall of the police box opens and reveals a dark passageway.) DODO: Steven, look. (STEVEN and DODO look back at the chairs where the KING and QUEEN became entangled. Lying on the seat of the mangled throne are two playing cards - the King and Queen of Hearts.) STEVEN: I said that's all they were. Never mind that now. The next game - come. (STEVEN enters the dark passage, but DODO remains behind for just a moment.) DODO: (Shouting.) Dolls, dolls, wherever you are, come out! (Nothing happens so DODO exits. As soon as she leaves, the lights in the throne room come on and the last of the cupboard doors opens. The dolls inside begin moving, slowly and jerkily, out of their cupboard and make their way across the floor to the police box.)

Missing episode The travellers arrive in a strange domain presided over by the Celestial Toymaker - an enigmatic, immortal entity who forces them to play a series of games, failure at which will render them his playthings for all eternity.

fd_The_L_Word_01x13

fd_The_L_Word_01x13_0

INT. - C.A.C. PARKING GARAGE - MORNING [title card: Los Angeles, California, Three Days Ago] [Bette pulls into a parking spot and parks her car. She gets her things and steps out of the car. When she closes the door, she sees Candace pull into the garage in her old El Camino. Bette watches as she parks. The first few strains of "Roads" by Portishead plays, setting the mood of the episode to come.] [Candace gets her things together and is getting out of the car when Bette suddenly gets in on the passenger side. Bette stares straight ahead for several seconds, her expression that of someone stuck in an internal war with themselves.] Bette: Take me somewhere. [Candace looks at her with concern, but Bette stares straight ahead, not returning the gaze. Finally, Candace starts her car and they drive off.] [main titles] INT. - THE GARAGE - MORNING ["Roads" by Portishead plays. Jenny and Robin are in bed, naked, lying close to one another. They talk quietly, in intimate whispers.] Robin: So when do I see you again? Jenny: What are you doing on Thursday night? (a beat) My neighbor, Bette... she's having a thingamajiggy. [Robin giggles.] Jenny: (smiling) What? Robin: (groans) I have something on Thursday. Jenny: Really? Robin: Yeah. Jenny: f*ck. Robin: If she asked me today, I would say no. Jenny: Mm-hmm. Robin: I would. Jenny: You would? Robin: (smiling) Yes. Jenny: I have a date tonight. Robin: Oh, you do? Jenny: I do. Robin: (smiling) Huh. Jenny: What? Robin: (smiling) I'm a little jealous. Jenny: You are? That's good. Robin: (thoughtful) Yeah, it is. [Jenny kisses Robin tenderly. They begin to make love.] Robin: Oh, god... [Robin kisses Jenny.] EXT. - TIM'S HOUSE - MORNING [At the same time, Tim walks toward the garage with a newspaper in his hand. He's about to knock on the door, when he looks in the window and sees Robin and Jenny having s*x on the bed. Tim is shocked and stunned. He sets the newspaper down and steadies himself against the wall as he slowly walks away.] EXT. - BED AND BREAKFAST HOTEL - MORNING ["Roads" by Portishead still plays. Bette and Candace walk across the the grounds of a bed and breakfast inn, toward the entrance.] INT. - BED AND BREAKFAST HOTEL - MORNING [Bette and Candace walk to the front desk. Bette takes her credit card out of her wallet and is about to give it to the desk clerk when Candace puts a hand on her arm.] Candace: Stop. [Candace leans close to Bette's ear.] Candace: You don't want this showing up on your credit card statement. [Candace takes out her own credit card and hands it to the clerk. Bette puts her credit card back in her wallet.] [Moments later...] [Candace walks ahead of Bette, up the stairs to their room. Bette takes Candace's hand halfway up. When they reach the landing, Bette pulls Candace back to her and they begin passionately kissing. A heterosexual couple comes out of their room and sees them, and they whisper and walk by quickly. Bette and Candace don't seem to notice or care.] [Moments later...] [They make it to their room door. Candace pushes Bette against the door. Their kissing has grown frantic and desperate. Bette opens her blouse and puts Candace's hand inside, on her breast. They open the door and go inside, never breaking contact.] INT. - BED AND BREAKFAST HOTEL - BETTE & CANDACE'S ROOM - MORNING [They close the door. Bette pushes Candace against the door and they continue to kiss. Bette unclasps Candace's overalls and begins to kiss down her body, but Candace pulls her back up and kisses her. Candace walks her over to the bed and throws throws her down; Bette smiles.] [Candace climbs on top of Bette and straddles her. They begin to kiss again. Bette runs her hands over Candace's body. Candace takes Bette's arms and pins them above her head. Bette struggles playfully, trying to get free and kiss Candace, but Candace won't let go. Bette finally stops.] Candace: You can't always be in control. [Bette laughs. Candace holds Bette's arms with one hand and kisses down Bette's body. With her free hand, she unzips Bette's pants and slips inside. Bette moans. They begin to have s*x.] INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - DAY Tina: We need a plumber! [Oscar sits on the floor next to Tina, holding a wrench. Tina's on her back under the sink, trying to repair it.] Oscar: We're gonna need a carpenter, too, if we're gonna make this place presentable. [Oscar throws a wrench on the floor. Tina sits up from under the sink.] Tina: I know one. She's working for Bette at the C.A.C. Her name's Candace. And she is making a packet, too. Oscar: Well, then maybe she'll give us a break. Tina: Yeah? Oscar: Yeah, call her. Tina: Okay. [Tina leans over and pulls her cell phone out of her back pocket. She dials.] Tina: (phone) James. Hey. It's Tina. Is, uh, is Bette there? (listening) Oh, no, no, no, no, just, uh, have her call me when she gets in. Um... do you happen to have a number for Candace Jewell? Yeah? Good. [Oscar smiles. Tina grins at him.] EXT. - SHANE'S BARBER SHOP - DAY [This is the old warehouse Cherie brought Shane to a couple of episodes ago. At the time, Cherie warned Shane not to tell Steve she'd brought her there. Now, the sign painted on the glass says "Shane" in black letters against gold. Shane is standing in front of the glass, admiring the sign. Behind her, Steve parks on the curb and gets out. He walks over to her.] Shane: Hey! Steve: Hi. (walks over) So what do you think? Shane: (chuckling) I think it's awesome. I love it. Steve: So why the f*ck did you do it? [Steve takes off his glasses and glares at Shane. Shane looks caught.] Shane: Steve - Steve: You know, when you're in business with someone, you gotta learn to keep it in your pants when you're around their family. Now, I already knew my daughter was into girls; that's not news to me. Maybe she was experimenting. Maybe it's a phase. Bottom line is this - Shane: Steve, I didn't - Steve: Bottom line... is this. If I'm in business with a guy, and he goes for my daughter, I say, "Is he honest? Is he a good man? Will he treat her right?" Shane: Steve, I didn't sleep with your daughter - Steve: Don't bullshit me, Shane. 'Cause I'm already cuttin' you a whole shitload of slack, here. Now, one thing, I gotta warn you. Cherie's on the warpath. She'll calm down for sure, but right about now, she wants you drawn and quartered. [Shane looks around, distressed.] Steve: She doesn't like our kid being gay, you know? No matter how evolved we are, it's still not an easy - [Shane suddenly walks off and heads to her truck, on the curb a few feet away.] Steve: Look, Shane. Sh - Shane! What the f*ck! EXT. - THE JAFFE HOUSE - DAY [Shane's at the front gate in her truck, but the gate is closed. She jams her finger on the intercom button.] Shane: Cherie, will you open the gate. Listen, I know you're in there and I'm not leaving 'til you come outside. (presses button) Open the gate! [The gate starts to open. Someone in jeans and a hooded sweatshirt runs down the driveway. It's Clea. Shane frowns. Clea gets in the passenger side of the truck. Once they start talking, they start yelling, and once they start yelling, they yell over each other, and it becomes a shouting match.] Clea: Hi. Look, I just wanted to let you know my parents are really mad right now, but - Shane: Clea, get out of my car, man. (shakes head) Clea: Look, I don't understand. The reality of you and me I think is just freaking them out - Shane: Clea, Clea, Clea, Clea, Clea! - Clea: What? Shane: There is no reality of you and me! Clea: Oh, my god, Shane. Shane: There never was, I've told you that I love someone else! Clea: Agh! You know what, I have never seen you with this person! Who is this person? - Shane: Because it's complicated! You will never see her! - Clea: I love you, okay! She doesn't! There's no way she's gonna drop everything and be with you, Shane! [Exasperated, Shane starts the truck and drives up the driveway.] INT. - THE JAFFE HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY [Shane walks quickly to the back door of the house, past the pool, toward the kitchen. Cherie is yelling at someone offscreen, inside.] Cherie: (to unknown) I need organization, this is not organization! Do you understand what I'm saying, do you see what's wrong?! Shane: Cherie. Cherie! (entering) Cherie! Cherie: (to unknown) You'll both stay in there until you figure it out! (slams door) Kids. [Cherie turns around and sees Shane standing in her kitchen.] Cherie: Get out. Shane: (shaking head) No. Cherie: Get out. (walking toward Shane) Get out. I'm taking Clea to Paris and I want you out of here, I never want to see you! [Shane walks toward Cherie, but Cherie responds by hitting her several times. Shane holds her arms up in self-defense.] Shane: Listen to me! Cherie: Again! Ever! Shane: Listen to me! [Shane grabs Cherie and yells at the top of her lungs.] Shane: (yelling) Listen! Listen to me! I did not do anything! [Cherie starts to cry.] Shane: (yelling) Allright, she's lying, I swear to go I didn't do it! [Cherie continues to cry. Shane calms down and her voice quivers with raw emotion as she begins to cry.] Shane: I would never do that to you. (crying) Do you have any idea how much you mean to me? [Clea, outside, walks toward the back door. Through the windows, she sees Shane and her mother. Inside, Cherie wraps Shane in a desperate hug as Shane falls apart.] Shane: (hugging) (crying) I swear I would never. [Cherie looks over Shane's shoulder and sees her daughter watching them. Cherie ends the hug.] Clea: You f*cking bitch! [Clea turns and walks off.] Cherie: Oh, my god! [Cherie runs after her.] Cherie: Clea! Clea! [Shane puts a hand to her forehead as she watches Cherie chase Clea.] INT. - THE GARAGE - DAY [Jenny is watering her plants. Tim comes out of his house and knocks on the door and lets himself in.] Jenny: Hi. Tim: Am I interrupting? Jenny: No, come on in. [Tim walks in and stands a few feet away. He picks up a card sitting on the desk and nervously flips it over in his hands.] Jenny: How are you? Tim: I'm good, how are you? Jenny: I'm good. (smiling) I'm getting organized. Tim: Yeah? Jenny: Yep. [Jenny looks at Tim. He looks like he's got something on his mind.] Jenny: What? Tim: (sighs) There's something that I want to talk to you about. Jenny: Okay. Tim: Jenny, technically, you and I are still married. [Jenny nods.] Tim: We need to get a divorce. Jenny: (nodding) Of course we do. Tim: Found the name of a good lawyer on campus. Thought maybe... we could go. See him, together. Jenny: Okay. (nods) [After a moment, Tim slowly walks out of the garage.] INT. - DANA'S HOUSE - DAY [Dana is sitting on the couch, bawling her eyes out. Tonya opens the door and steps in.] Tonya: Sweetie? Alice is here. [Alice walks in the door, pushing past Tonya.] Alice: Can I just...? Thanks. (walking over) Hi, Dane. Ohhh. Poor Mr. Piddles. [Sobbing, Dana looks up at Alice as Alice sits down next to her. Alice pets Mr. Piddles, who's in her arms.] Alice: Okay, okay. Ohh. I'm so, so sorry. [Alice rubs Dana's back. Tonya steps forward.] Tonya: She's been like this all day. I tried to get somebody to come and remove it, but... she's been sitting there for, like, 3 hours. [Alice pushes the hair from Dana's eyes. Dana continues to cry.] Alice: (quietly) Okay. I know. Allright, we've gotta make arrangements, right Dane? I mean... I'll do anything, right? I'll do anything. What do you need? [The camera zooms out so that we now see that Mr. Piddles is in Dana's lap and Dana is petting him as she cries. Tonya quietly exits the room.] Alice: (to Dana) Have you thought about what you want? Dana: (crying) I don't want him cremated. Alice: Okay. Yeah. We'll bury him, you want to bury him? [Dana nods.] Alice: You want me to arrange a burial plot? Dana: (sniffling) Yeah. Alice: He should have a casket. You know. Mahogany. Only the best for Mr. P. INT. - THE C.A.C. - BETTE'S OFFICE - DAY [Bette is leaning over her desk, going over some drawings and plans for the artist displays with James and the receptionist.] Bette: You know what, I think we should move the VIP reception to East One. The Anish Kapur is in there. It's always good to imbue your major donors with a sense of awe. James: But, the Isabella Pernao's there, too. Don't you think - Bette: I think it says right out of the gate, we stand behind the show, every facet of it, and we're not about to hide the more challenging pieces for anybody's comfort. (to receptionist) You know, I - I still need to discuss security. Can you make sure that Gavin doesn't leave before I've had a chance to talk with him? Receptionist: Mm-hmm. [The receptionist walks off.] Bette: Thanks. James: I'll let the caterers know about that. Bette: Great. [James leaves. Bette looks back at the plans and nervously fiddles with her wedding band. Kit and Ivan come around the corner. Ivan is carrying a large sack of carry-out food for lunch.] Kit: Hey big James! (to Bette) Hola, sistah! Bette: Hey. [Bette and Kit hug.] Kit: Mm! Remember you said how important it was to eat? Bette: Mm-hmm. Kit: Well, we picked up a little something at that woo-woo place on La Cienega that you love so much. Bette: Ohh! (smiling) You guys went to Real Food Daily. That is so sweet. Kit: Yeah! Well, Ivan picked it up while I was at my AA meeting. Bette: Oh. (to Ivan) Thank you. INT. - HEADQUARTERS FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE - DAY [Tina brings Candace into the room where she was working on the sink earlier.] Tina: Thank you so much for coming. [Candace leans against the wall and shoves her hands in her pockets. She's nervous.] Tina: Um. I guess you know what I wanna talk about. Candace: (shaking head) No. I - I'm not sure. Tina: (looking around) Well, as you can see, we're trying to fix this place up. (sighs) And, uh, we need help. We don't have a lot of money. But, it's a really great project and, uh, the kids, they just - they love it here. Candace: Uh - yeah! Anything for the kids. INT. - THE C.A.C. - BETTE'S OFFICE - DAY Bette: Can I talk to you for a second? [Bette guides Kit back to a more private part of her office. Kit has the now empty carry-out sack in her hand.] Bette: Wanna tell me what you're doing? Kit: I was taking out the trash. Bette: No, with her. She's madly in love with you, you know. Kit: (smiling) No he's not, we're friends, he helps me out with stuff. Bette: That's because she is in love with you, and she wants to be your husband. Kit: (smiling) No, it's not like that. Bette: Kit - believe me. You may not be able to read the signals, but they're there. I saw the way she looks at you, she is fully courting you old school, and you're letting her. Kit: (laughing) Oh, is that so! Bette: Yeah. It is. Kit: Well, thank you for the lessons of the ritual mating habits of the indigenous lesbians. Maybe next week we'll do butch and femme role-play - Ivan: Um, ladies. [Ivan is leaning in the door several feet away. Bette and Kit turn to see her.] Ivan: (to Bette) I figure we should get going, and let you get on with your business. You must wanna get home to the little woman sometime tonight. [Bette looks smugly at Kit. Kit walks over to Ivan. She slips her arm into Ivan's and walks away, smiling at Bette. Bette shakes her head and rolls her eyes.] INT. - SOUTH COAST AQUARIUM - DAY [Jenny stands in front of the aquarium, watching the various sea critters swim by: sharks, tuna, rays. High-pitched whale-talk is heard.] Jenny: Gosh, Gene. [Gene walks into the frame and stands next to Jenny.] Jenny: This is so much better than dinner and a movie. Is this how you get all the girls? Gene: Truth? Jenny: Yes, please. Gene: I don't really date that much. (shrugs) Jenny: Why? Gene: Um... uh, I was with the same woman for the last 5 years, and... and she never really came here, and... she hated the fish. So. Jenny: Oh. (laughs) Gene: You know. We weren't exactly the greatest match. Jenny: What else? Gene: Um... well, she liked to exercise early, early in the morning, and... Jenny: No. Gene: ... I hate exercise and I hate mornings, so, uh... (chuckles) Mm. I did my thesis on nocturnal behavior. I never really broke the habit of staying up late. Jenny: What do you like to do in the middle of the night? Gene: Usually I read. [Gene steps a little closer.] Jenny: Hm. Gene: And, uh... she wasn't Jewish. Jenny: Oh, Gene. Is that important to you? (chuckles) Gene: No. No, it's not important. It's, uh... [Gene puts his forehead to Jenny's.] Gene: It's just an added bonus. [Jenny looks up at him. He starts to lean in to kiss her.] Gene: Hey. [Gene and Jenny kiss.] Gene: Was that okay? [Gene wipes his mouth. Jenny wipes her mouth. She giggles.] Jenny: (smiling) It's nice. Gene: Oh, "nice"? Are you serious? Jenny: (smiling) No, it was nice. Gene: That's damning with faint praise. [Jenny blushes.] Gene: You wanna go meet the seals? Jenny: (smiling) I meant it, it was nice. Gene: Hm? Jenny: Yes. Gene: The seals might change your mind. Jenny: About whether or not you're a good kisser. Gene: No. About your story. They're way better communicators than manatees. They even have dialects. I think you'll love them. Jenny: Okay. Gene: C'mon. Jenny: Okay. Gene: Hm? INT. - SOUTH COAST AQUARIUM - GENE'S OFFICE - DAY [Gene opens the door. Jenny walks in. He follows, closing the door behind him. He keeps the room lights off.] [One entire wall of the office is a giant window into the aquarium. Whale-song is heard.] Jenny: Wow. Gene: This is where I spend my days. Jenny: Gosh. [Jenny walks up to the aquarium window and talks to the seals, who are swimming by.] Jenny: Hello. Gene: Yeah, the seals have this amazingly intricate system of communication that lets them settle quarrels without fighting. [Jenny faces Gene as he walks over to her. A seal swims by the window, turning over in circles.] Gene: It's pretty incredible. Jenny: C'mere. [The seal makes its characteristic barking noises before swimming away.] Gene: We should be so lucky. [Jenny takes Gene's hand and pulls him to her.] Jenny: It's very civilized. [Jenny unbuckles Gene's belt.] Gene: Um, you - whoa, hey. You know you don't have to do this. Jenny: I want to. Gene: (laughing) Um. If I'd know you wan - [Jenny kisses him.] Gene: (kissing) Are - are you sure? Jenny: (kissing) Mm-hmm. [Gene presses Jenny against the glass and they start to have s*x. After a couple of minutes, Jenny starts to cry. Gene stops.] Gene: Are you okay? Jenny: I'm fine. I'm fine. Gene: I'm sorry. Did - did I do something? Jenny: No, no. I'm fine. Gene: I don't think you're fine. You're crying. Jenny: Um. Gene: I'm so sorry. Did I hurt you? Jenny: No. Um. Gene: Uh... you okay? [Jenny looks up at him.] Jenny: I... I... um... [Jenny starts to really cry. Gene puts his arms around her and tries to comfort her.] Gene: Shh, shh. Oh. Oh, Jenny. INT. - THE PLANET - EVENING [The Planet is closed for the funeral of Mr. Piddles. Marina has converted The Planet into a funeral parlor, complete with somber ethereal piano music and dimmed lighting. Alice and Tina, dressed black, stand over a tiny, open coffin in the corner of the room. Inside is Mr. Piddles.] Tina: He looks a little strange. [Mr. Piddles lays in the coffin.] Alice: Yeah. I think he... hasn't really thawed out, yet. We were afraid he was gonna decompose, so Shane and I put him in the freezer. Tina: How is Shane? She seems preoccupied. [Alice and Tina glance over at Shane, who sits on a barstool in a separate section of the cafe. She's on her cell phone, talking to someone.] Alice: Yeah, yeah. I don't know. She's not talkin'. But - I think it has something to do with her and her Hollywood Wife? Shane: (overheard) (phone) Answer the phone. I'm not gonna stop calling until you do, allright? Answer your phone. [Shane hangs up and rubs her forehead.] [Back at the funeral parlor...] [Kit and Ivan have arrived. Kit hugs Dana.] Kit: Oh, I'm so sorry about Mr. P. I know how much he meant to you. I'm so glad I got to know him before he passed on. Dana: Thanks for taking such good care of him, Kit. Kit: Oh. [Kit touches Dana's face and smiles. They hug again. Ivan looks at Tonya, who stands at Dana's side.] Ivan: (to Tonya) I didn't know him. My condolences. Kit: (to Dana) I'm sorry, hon. [Ivan extends her hand to Tonya for a shake. Tonya stares at her, stone-faced.] Ivan: Ivan. [After a moment, Tonya gives in and shakes Ivan's hand. Once the handshake is over, Ivan rejoins Kit, and Tonya holds her hand away from herself as if it's been soiled.] Kit: (to Dana) You heal. [Kit and Ivan step up to the coffin and view the kitty. Bette arrives. She walks to Dana.] Bette: Hi. Dana: Hi. [Bette hugs Dana.] Bette: I am so sorry. [While they hug, Tonya comes over and hugs Dana also, just until the hug with Bette ends. Bette hands Dana a large, flat package.] Bette: This was gonna be your Christmas present. I want you to unwrap it. [Dana unwraps the present. It's a large, modern art painting of a cat that looks just like Mr. Piddles.] Bette: It's by one of my favorite artists, Ed Conlin. [Dana nearly begins to cry again as she looks at the painting. She looks at Bette.] Dana: (tearful) Thank you. [Dana hugs Bette.] Bette: You're welcome. [Everyone else - Tina, Shane, Alice, Marina, Kit and Ivan - stands a few feet away at the refreshments table.] Alice: What is with the twin thing? Are they merging already? [Dana and Tonya are dressed exactly alike, in a dark suit and light blue blouse.] Dana: (whispering) Here, would you take this for me? [Dana hands the painting to Tonya.] Tonya: Yeah. Dana: (whispering) Thanks. [Bette walks over to the table.] Bette: (to Tina) (sighs) Hi baby. [Bette gives Tina a smooch.] Tina: How was your day? [Bette kind of shrugs, then turns around.] Alice: You guys. Marina: Tonya! [Tonya quickly walks over to the table. Marina hands her two glasses of wine. Tonya carries them back to Dana.] Marina: I would like to propose a toast, um, to Mr. Piddles. [Everybody raises their glass and turns to face Mr. Piddles' coffin.] Bette: (smiling) To Mr. P, kitty, well-loved furry feline, we will miss you. Everyone: Yeah. Alice: To Mr. P! [Everyone clinks glasses and drinks. Dana gulps her wine down and exhales.] Dana: (to Tonya) I should say something, right? [Tonya smiles at her. Dana steps up onto the dais in front of Mr. Piddles' coffin.] Dana: (sighs) (a beat) (chuckling) Everybody. I just wanted to say... to say thank you... (getting teary) so much for coming, and um... (sighs) You guys are the best friends anybody could ever have. It's times like these when you realize what's important. And those are the people who are there for you. The ones who got you through, and... and the ones you can't live without. [Everybody's listening to Dana's speech. Alice is sweetly smiling.] Dana: And, um, I've also realized how important Tonya is to me. [Dana holds her hand out. Tonya takes it and steps onto the stage next to Dana.] Dana: (to Tonya) C'mere. (to everybody) And, uh... (smiling) She, more than anyone, has really helped me get through this really terrible time, and... [Alice rolls her eyes as she takes a drink of her wine, then looks down at the floor.] Dana: ... I just - I just wanted you all to be the first to know. (blushing) (to Tonya) Just show 'em. Show 'em. [Tonya giggles as she holds out her left hand. On her ring finger is a huge ring. Dana holds Tonya's hand.] Dana: (excited) Tonya and I are engaged! We're getting married! [Dana grins huge. Tonya opens her mouth, showing mock surprise and excitement to the group. Shane looks like someone just ran over her favorite dog. Alice looks quietly stunned. Marina looks surprised.] Alice: No way. Shane: sh1t... Tina: (mouthing the word) Wow. [Bette and Tina both look at each other with a little bit of shock and worry.] Dana: I'm just - you know it's... it's just a shame that Mr. P can't be here to share this with us. I'm sure he'd be filled with joy like me! [Dana and Tonya touch foreheads. Everybody else kind of looks around, confused.] INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT [Tina quickly walks into the bedroom, holding a coffee cup. She looks mad. Bette is hot on her heels.] Bette: It's a conflict of interest! It's not fair to the C.A.C., and it's not fair to Candace! [Tina sets her coffee cup down on the nightstand and walks to the other side of the room to get something.] Tina: I'm sorry. I didn't think it was gonna be such a big deal for you. I don't know why you're freaking out about it. Bette: 'Cause you're exploiting her! She doesn't make that much money, and she might've just felt she had to do it 'cause of me! [Tina sits on the edge of the bed, facing away from Bette, and takes off her shoes.] Tina: She seemed happy to do it! Bette: (a beat) She said yes. [Tina turns to give Bette an incredulous look.] Tina: Yes. [Tina turns back around. Bette is annoyed. She sighs and walks out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.] Bette: Selfish. [Tina turns and throws a shoe at the door.] EXT. - THE JAFFE HOUSE - MORNING [Shane is sleeping in her truck, outside the gates to the Jaffe house. A police cruiser pulls up. The cop gets out and walks to the truck. He knocks twice on the window. Shane startles awake. The cop signals to her to roll down her window. She does.] Cop: I'm gonna have to ask you to move on out of here. Shane: (yawns) Listen, I'm - I'm waiting for someone. Cop: (chuckling) Oh. Well, you're gonna have to wait somewhere else. Shane: (sighs) Listen, they're expecting me, allright. They're gonna be out in a minute - Cop: No, they won't. And if you don't get yourself far enough away from their house, you're gonna be in violation of the restraining order they filed against you. [Shane looks up at the cop. He smiles down at her.] Cop: Understand what I'm saying? Shane: (a beat) Yeah. (a beat) Yeah. Fine. [Shane starts her truck. The cop heads back to his cruiser.] INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - MORNING [Bette is asleep on the couch in the livingroom, still in her work clothes from yesterday. The sound of plates and silverware banging against each other is heard from the kitchen. Bette startles awake.] Bette: (groggy) sh1t... [Tina is seen in the kitchen, putting dishes in the sink. She makes a lot of noise. Bette rolls over on the couch and sighs. Tina walks quickly toward the dining room, and picks up her bag and car keys. She heads for the front door. Bette sits up.] Bette: Tina... [Tina stops. She turns around. Bette looks hurt and very sorry. She also looks like she's been crying.] Bette: I'm sorry. I... I overreacted. [Tina looks down, then nods.] Tina: Okay. Bette: (tearful) And, I mean, I don't have to tell you how stressed out I am. I mean, and... I know that doesn't excuse my behavior. But I think - I - it would've been a nice... thing if you had told me... that - that you had - were talking to someone that I'm working with. Tina: Can we talk about this later? I'm meeting Oscar and Esai. Bette: Can you accept my apology? Tina: (a beat) I accept your apology. [Bette smiles a little.] Tina: I'm sorry I didn't think... to warn you. We've been a little out of touch. Bette: It'll be over soon, as soon as the show opens - Tina: Sure. I'll call you later. Whenever I get a minute. [Tina leaves. Bette closes her eyes and puts a hand to her forehead, shaking her head.] Bette: (sighs) (whispering) Oh, my god. What have I done? What the f*ck am I doing? What am I doing? INT. - THE GARAGE - DAY [Outside, we hear Tina's car starting and pulling away. Inside, Jenny is asleep on her bed. She starts to stir awake. Gene is reclining against the window, at the foot of the bed, watching her sleep.] Jenny: (smiling) Hi. Gene: (smiling) Hey. Jenny: (smiling) You're still here. Gene: I wanted to make sure you're okay. Jenny: I'm sorry about last night. You must've thought I was a crazy person. Gene: No. You just seemed, um... really sad. At least I have some idea of... what's going on. You know... it's pretty intense. Jenny: My life... Gene: So, am I, like, the first guy you tried to be with since... you fell in love with that woman, and... your marriage fell apart, and... she dropped you like a hot potato? Jenny: Yeah. You're the first guy since Tim. Gene: (frowning) Maybe you don't wanna be with guys. Jenny: (two beats) No... no, I... I still like guys. I do. [Jenny sits up and looks at him.] Jenny: I understand if you don't wanna see me again. [Gene sits up and looks at her.] Gene: Do you wanna see me again? [Jenny leans over to him and kisses him on the cheek. She grins bashfully as she sits back down.] Jenny: (whispering) I like you. Gene: (smiling) I like you, too. [Jenny blushes and giggles.] INT. - THE PLANET - DAY [Ivan and Kit are sitting at a table together. Ivan pours Kit some coffee.] Ivan: I hope, uh, this is what you wanted. I just took the liberty of ordering for you, so... Kit: (chuckling) You know, you... always... know what, uh, I'm gonna get. Even before I know it. (chuckling) I'm gettin' spoiled! [Ivan puts her hand on Kit's, across the table.] Ivan: (chuckling) Nothing - nothing could spoil you. (shaking head) Nothing. [Kit smiles, but something doesn't feel right.] Kit: Ivan, uh... I adore you. I really do. And you are the finest person I've ever had the privilege of spending time with. (shaking head) But this - it just doesn't feel right. Ivan: Uh.. what doesn't feel right about it? Kit: I - I just don't... have anything to offer you in return. Ivan: (smiling) Oh, no. You - you - you offer me so much. You can't imagine the - you - Kit: No, Ivan, please. Please, please, please. Please. Just listen to me. You need to hear this. (sighs) I - I'm a straight woman. A two-months-from-50-year lifetime heterosexual woman. If you... if you were a man... you would be the perfect man [Ivan smiles at her.] Kit: And I know that there are people... who could be better for you and... just... give you what you're looking for. Ivan: Do you know what you're looking for, Kit? Kit: (shaking head) No. No, not in the big picture sense that you mean. Ivan: Then how do you know I can't give it to you? EXT. - THE GARAGE - DAY [SCENE_BREAK] [Gene and Jenny are hugging goodbye.] Gene: See ya later. [Gene blows a kiss to her.] Jenny: Bye. [Jenny goes back inside the garage. A few moments later, Tim comes storming out of the house.] INT. - THE GARAGE - DAY [Tim barges into the garage, angry.] Tim: Who the f*ck was that? [Jenny is getting her stuff together to take a shower. She looks at Tim, then looks back at what she's doing.] Jenny: I don't think that's any of your business. Tim: What? Jenny, this is my house. I think it's my business if you're f*cking some other guy in my house! Jenny: No. (shaking head) You and I are getting a divorce. [Tim suddenly lashes out and knocks her shower stuff in the floor. He screams at the top of his lungs at her.] Tim: Look at me! Because you fell in love with another woman! Jenny: (a beat) And that relationship has ended. And now I'm dating other people. (frustrated) What difference does it make if I'm dating a man or a woman, Tim? Tim: The difference is that we were engaged! You were supposedly in love with me! You swore that if you were ever gonna be with a man again, I was the man you were gonna be with! The only man! Jenny: (frustrated) And I believed it when I said it to you, Tim! Tim: (calm) But it wasn't true. Jenny, you've taken our whole relationship... turned it into this... enormous f*cking lie! [Jenny looks down, sad.] Tim: (calm) I don't want you in my life anymore. (a beat) It doesn't feel good. [Jenny is devastated. She stares at the table.] Jenny: (whispering) Um. Do you want me to move out? [Tim tosses up a hand, finally calming himself.] Tim: It's gotta be better than this, right? Jenny: (nodding) Yeah. INT. - THE C.A.C. - DAY [The museum is preparing for the grand opening of the "Provocations" exhibit later on that night. Lots of people - carpenters, museum employees, etc., mill around, getting everything ready. Bette is dressed in jeans, walking quickly through the exhibit areas, followed by James. She carries a bag of name tags to place next to the pieces of artwork.] Bette: I know that the sequencing is completely wrong in this room. I mean, (pointing) obviously that is an Opie, that is not a Spinace. So I think what we have to... [Candace brushes past Bette with a large piece of white plastic for something she's helping another carpenter with. Bette is suddenly completely distracted and loses her train of thought.] Bette: (to James) ... do is to, um... [Candace continues on about her work, helping another carpenter set the plastic down across a lit display stand.] Bette: (to James) Actually, can you do that? [Bette hands the bag of tags to James.] James: Yeah. Bette: I mean - I - I need... uh, 45 minutes in my office. James: Sure, absolutely. [Bette doesn't look happy. She heads toward her office. Candace sees her go. James wanders off with the tags.] INT. - THE C.A.C. - BETTE'S OFFICE - DAY [Bette slides open the door to her office and slowly walks inside. She begins to slide the door closed, but decides to keep it open about a third of the way.] [Bette steps a few feet into her office and stares at the floor. She looks nervous and guilty. A few moments later, Candace slowly walks to the door. She slides it open and walks in, and slowly walks over to Bette. They both stand there in silence for a moment, staring at each other as if what they're doing is a dirty task that's unavoidable. Bette's face shows the shame of her desire and the desolation in the false comfort.] [After a moment, Bette slowly turns and walks to the door. She slides it closed, then locks it. She leans her forehead against the door; her body language seems to say that their union will be as undeniable as it will be inevitably empty.] [Candace slowly walks up behind Bette and slides her arms around her waist. She puts her face in Bette's hair, and Bette begins to react. She takes one of Candace's hands and kisses it, then turns around. They kiss desperately.] [Bette hurriedly reaches down and unzips her own jeans. She grabs Candace's hand and presses it inside. They begin to f*ck; "f*ck" is the only word for it. Candace presses Bette hard against the door over and over.] [As the camera pans away, Bette looks up to the ceiling. She looks lost and deeply sad - the connection she wanted and needed is just not here, with Candace.] INTERSTITIAL - NIGHT SCENES OF L.A. [The L.A. skyline. The city lights twinkle in the dark, traffic and police sirens are heard in the distance.] INT. - THE GARAGE - NIGHT [Jenny sits at her laptop, writing. As she writes, we hear her voice - and her voice in another tone that's deeper and more calm. The two voices overlap each other, echoing. The separate voice here is recognized out of italics.] Jenny: (voice over) Jennifer I... JDS Jennifer Schecter... Jennifer JD am not too sure of who I am because there are several of me. a/k/a Jen They float up from me like phantoms. Sarah Schuster And slink off to commit acts for which I may or may not be responsible. [The scene cuts to show Jenny now sitting at her desk, writing with a pen in a notebook.] Jenny: (voice over) Jennifer Diane Schecter is not at all sure whether any of this happened, or whether it was simply a tale as told to JDS, by JD, after a poem by J. I, JDS., Jennifer Schecter JDS have so many selves. [Words flash upon the screen:] Jennifer Jen JD JDS a/k/a Sarah Schuster Jenny: (voice over) Jennifer. Jen. JD. JDS. Sarah Schuster. I don't know where I begin. [Gene knocks on the door.] Jenny: (voice over) Or if I end. Or if I end. [Jenny stops writing and looks up. Gene opens the door and steps inside. He's dressed in a suit, and has combed his hair back.] Gene: Hey. Jenny: Is it time to go? Gene: "Provocations" starts at 7:30. But, you know. Take your time. [Jenny chuckles.] INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - BATHROOM - NIGHT [Bette is taking a shower before she has to get ready to unveil "Provocations" at the museum. She leans against the shower wall and stares at her hands. She is consumed with guilt. She slowly slides down the shower wall and curls up in the corner, quietly crying.] Tina: (offscreen) Babe? Have you seen my dress? [Bette hangs her head.] [Tina stands outside the shower area.] Tina: Are you - baby? [Tina steps into the shower area and peers through the glass of the shower doors. She sees Bette and grabs a towel and opens the shower door.] Tina: Sweetheart, c'mon, let's get you out of here. [Tina steps into the shower and shuts off the water. She kneels next to Bette.] Tina: Baby, we have to have you there in 40 minutes. [Bette still huddles in the corner, silent, not looking at Tina. Tina wraps the towel around her.] Tina: Baby, what's going on? [Tina helps Bette stand.] Tina: You are so exhausted. Bette: I... I am. I'm exhausted. [Bette wavers on her feet a little, but Tina steadies her. She brushes the hair back from Bette's face as she comforts her.] Tina: You just need to get through today and tonight... and then you can crash. You deserve to just fall apart. Bette: (quietly) I might. Tina: Well, if you do, I'll take care of you. [Bette smiles a little. Tina hugs her.] Tina: Okay? ]Bette squints her eyes shut as Tina hugs her, trying not to cry. Tina gently rocks her and pats her head.] Tina: Gonna be okay? Hm? [Bette stares at the shower wall. She takes a breath.] Bette: Tee? [The hug ends. Tina stands close to Bette, looking into her eyes. Bette looks terribly sad. Tina brushes the hair from Bette's face again.] Bette: I... I really... (clears throat) I really want us to try again to have a baby. I want - I need us to start our family. Tina: (rubbing Bette's arm) Maybe in a couple of months. Okay? I need a little time. And then we'll do it. We'll start our family. (smooths Bette's hair) I just need some time. [Bette leans forward. They share a small kiss. Bette leans forward for more, but Tina pulls back. Bette begins to cry. Tina kisses her on the forehead.] Tina: Let's get you dressed. [Tina hugs Bette. Bette takes a deep breath and sighs.] EXT. - KIT'S APARTMENT - HALLWAY - NIGHT [At Apartment 202, Ivan knocks on the door. Kit answers.] Ivan: Wow. You are beautiful. [Kit leans in the door and smiles.] INT. - THE C.A.C. - NIGHT [The "Provocations" opening party is in full-swing. Dozens of people mill around, chatting, inspecting the artwork, socializing with others. Dance music plays in the background. We see a couple of "Provocations" pieces that have been seen throughout the season - the Jesus film by Isabella Pernao, and a painting depicting naked men strung up and being flogged by men wearing leather.] [Bette and Tina enter the C.A.C. Camera bulbs start flashing.] Reporter #1: Bette! Bette Porter! Reporter #2: Bette! Can you look this way! [Bette stops to speak to a reporter.] Reporter #3: Miss Porter, what is "Provocations" about? And follow-up question, Bette, uh, how much is the C.A.C. spending on security? [Candace stands nearby, dressed up in a white suit, totally contrary to her usual overalls and toolbelt. She's talking to another woman, her friend Mikela.] Bette: "Provocations" is the edge of our present culture, where we stand and face ourselves before we jump - into an unknown future. Reporter #3: Thank you. [We cut to different spots in the museum, showing different pieces of artwork. One is a man walking, naked; one is a closeup of a face in repose; one is indecipherable red figures against a blue backdrop.] ELSEWHERE AT THE C.A.C. - [Gene and Jenny are admiring a photograph on the wall. The photo is of a woman's back. A childlike scene of a house, a sun, a cloud and two women holding hands has been carved in her back.] Gene: Um... (to Jenny) Do you have one of those? Jenny: I, actually, I have many. Do you wanna see? Gene: Um, no thanks. Jenny: Are you sure? [Gene puts her arm around Jenny. They start to walk away.] Gene: Mm-hmm. Jenny: Really? Gene: Maybe later. Jenny: Okay. [They run into Tim and his date, Trish from the swim team. Tim looks pleasantly surprised to have run into them.] Tim: Hey. Jenny: Hey. Tim: How are you? Gene: Hey. Jenny: Hey, Trish. Trish: Hi. How are you. Gene: (to Tim) (extending hand) Gene Feinberg. Tim: (shaking hand) Hey. Tim. Haspel. It's good to meet you. Gene: Yeah, you too. Tim: Uh, has she... told you she's a dyke? [Tim leads Trish away. Gene looks at Jenny.] Gene: Well, you know, you told me that you were in love with that woman and that now you're sleeping with another woman, but... you didn't tell me you were a dyke. Jenny: (smiling) I am so sorry. [They laugh and walk off together.] ELSEWHERE AT THE C.A.C. - [Tonya and Dana walk in together, arm in arm. This time they aren't dressed exactly alike - Tonya in a skirt and Dana in striped suit- but somehow they seem to be joined at the hip. Dana sees Tina, Shane and Alice nearby.] Dana: Hey, you guys! Tonya: Hey! Tina: Hey, you're here. Wow, you look, um... Alice: Alike! [Tonya looks offended, but covers with a laugh.] Dana: (laughing) No we don't! She's in a skirt! Tonya: (to Alice) (pointing to Dana) And, stripes! [Everybody kind of looks at Tonya and Dana as Tonya and Dana continue laughing. They seem to be becoming the same person. Tonya suddenly waves to someone nearby.] Tonya: (to Dana) You have to meet Melissa Rivers. (calling out) Melissa, honey, hi! [Tonya walks off with Dana. Tina and Shane watch them go. Alice looks at Tina and Shane.] Alice: Well, I mean... Shane: She's not that bad. Tina: She's not. Shane: And until you have some concrete evidence, I'd say drop it. Alice: (folding arms) Allright, I think she killed Mr. Piddles. That's what. [Shane rolls her eyes.] Tina: Oh, god, why would she do that? Alice: Maybe she didn't like the competition! Shane: It's because Mr. Piddles was gonna inherit Dana's fortune and Tonya murdered him so she could be the next in line, right? Right? Drop it. [Shane walks off.] Tina: C'mon. [Tina puts her arm around Alice. They start to walk off.] Alice: She's so f*cking cranky. ELSEWHERE AT THE C.A.C. - [Shane walks outside in front of the building to have a cigarette. Several people are out here, enjoying drinks and conversation. Shane sees Cherie talking with some people. She starts to approach her. Steve walks toward his wife with some drinks, and sees Shane. He steps in her path. Cherie looks over.] Steve: (to Shane) If you ever come near my wife or my daughter, there's not one street in this town you won't be able to walk down without fearing for your life. You understand me? [Steve walks over to Cherie and hands her a drink and walks off. Cherie and Shane look at each other sadly. Cherie walks off.] ELSEWHERE AT THE C.A.C. - [Tina sees Candace, who's standing in a corner talking to her friend Mikela. She approaches her.] Tina: Candace. Hi, congratulations. [Tina and Candace shake hands.] Tina: The displays look so beautiful. Candace: Thank you, thanks. Hey, Tina, this is my friend, Mikela. Tina: Hi. [Tina and Mikela shake hands.] Mikela: Hello. Tina: Nice to meet you. Candace: (to Tina) You look beautiful. [Tina smiles and blushes. Bette suddenly appears out of nowhere and stands next to Tina.] Bette: (to Candace) Doesn't she? (to Mikela) Hi, I'm Bette Porter. [Bette and Mikela shake hands.] Mikela: Mikela Michaels. Bette: Nice to meet you. Mikela: And you. [Bette looks around at the museum and smiles at Candace.] Bette: (to Candace) Looks a lot different than it did earlier this morning, doesn't it? Candace: It's a triumph for you. Bette: Oh, not for me. For the artists. Mikela: And the piece in the other room? "Jesus" - Bette: "Jesus Is In Me." Mikela: That one's absolutely amazing. Bette: Yeah. (pointing) The artists, uh, is right over there, Isabella Pernao. (to Candace/Mikela) The chairman of my board is making strange hand signals. I'd better go. Tina? Tina: (to Candace) Bye! [Candace watches them go. Bette turns as she walks and gives Candace a dire look.] ELSEWHERE AT THE C.A.C. - [Steve and Cherie are now inside, talking to some other people. Steve is into the conversation, but Cherie is disinterested. She wanders off, looking around.] ELSEWHERE AT THE C.A.C. - [Gene and Jenny and Tonya and Dana stand off in a corner. Gene is entertaining them by explaining animal mating habits.] Gene: Actually, there's a whole school of thought on animal desire, which extends way beyond just the instinct to reproduce. Um... for example, same-sex walruses have been seen... uh... [Jenny takes Gene's hand.] Gene: ... kissing one another, which, uh, can't really be explained in terms of biological imperative. So, I mean, it certainly implies - Jenny: (smiling) Oh, my god.

The "Provocations" art show finally premieres at the CAC to mixed reviews and Bette commits adultery with Candace. Marina continues to flirt with Robin despite knowing she's dating Jenny, who has also begun sleeping with Gene. Shane's life turns from bad to worse when her attempt to let Clea down gently turns disastrous. Next, Cherie abandons Shane when their tryst is discovered and Steve terminates his business arrangement with Shane. Dana's pet cat dies and Tonya proposes marriage. At the end of the episode, Tina finds out about Candace's affair with Bette, who forces herself on Tina while apologizing. Alice realizes that she is in love with Dana and goes to her apartment to tell her. They kiss, but Alice returns home alone, where she finds Tina sitting on her couch, crying.

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_03x19

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_03x19_0

cene: Leonard and Penny are in Penny's bed. Penny: Having a little trouble catching your breath there? Leonard: No, no, I'm good. If my P.E. teachers had told me this is what I was training for, I would have tried a lot harder. Penny: Do or do not. There is no try. Leonard: Did you just quote Star Wars? Penny: I believe I quoted Empire Strikes Back. Leonard: Oh, my God. I'm lying in bed with a beautiful woman who can quote Yoda. I love you, Penny. Penny: Oh. Oh. Thank you. Leonard: You're welcome. I just wanted to put that out there. Penny: Oh, yeah, no, I, I'm, I'm glad. Leonard: Good. Glad is good. Penny: Yeah. Yeah. No, no. Um. So, it's getting pretty late. We should probably go to sleep. Leonard: Yeah. Penny: Okay. Leonard: Yeah. Penny: Hmm. Leonard: Yeah, probably. Penny: Okay, good night, sweetie. Leonard: Good night. Credits sequence Scene: The apartment. Howard: Hey, Leonard, where do you come down on giant ants? Raj: Sheldon says impossible. Howard and I say not only possible, but as a mode of transportation, way cooler than a Batmobile. Sheldon: You are ignoring the square-cube law. The giant ant would be crushed under the weight of its own exoskeleton. And for the record, the appropriate ranking of cool modes of transportation is jet pack, hoverboard, transporter, Batmobile, and then giant ant. Leonard: Seriously? You have nothing better to do than sit around and discuss the possibility of giant ants? Howard: What's with him? Sheldon: Perhaps he's at a sensitive point in his monthly cycle. Howard: Are you saying he's man-struating? Sheldon: Not literally. But as far back as the 17th century, scientists observed a 33-day fluctuation in men's hormone levels. Raj: Interesting. That might explain my weepy days in the middle of the month. You know what I'm talking about. Scene: The comic book store. Howard: Okay, forget giant ants. How about giant rabbits? Raj: Big or small, I don't like rabbits. They always look like they're about to say something, but they never do. Sheldon: Rabbits do have a respiratory system that would support great size. And on a side note, they are one of the few mammals whose scrotum is in front of the pen1s. Raj: Maybe that's what they want to talk about. Howard: Leonard, where do you stand on giant rabbits and scrotal position? Leonard: I honestly don't care. Raj: Really? Because every time we've talked about unusual animal genitals, you've always had some pretty strong and controversial opinions. Leonard: What do you want from me? I just don't give a rat's ass. Howard: Would that be a giant rat's ass? Sheldon: For the record, giant rats are possible. Leonard: Can we please talk about something else? Maybe something vaguely related to life as we know it on this planet? Howard: Okay, how about this for a topic, why is Leonard being a giant douche? Assuming giant douches are possible. Sheldon: Of course they are. Leonard's being one. Raj: Maybe he's having a lover's spat with Penny. Leonard: No, there was no spat. Howard: Oh, but something happened. Leonard: I don't want to talk about it. Sheldon: But I sense you're going to and I don't want to hear about it. Excuse me. Howard: What'd you do, Romeo? You pour maple syrup all over your body and ask her if she was in the mood for a short stack? Raj: Did you think it would be funny to put on a pair of her panties and jump around, but it wound up just creeping her out? Leonard: What? No. Raj: I'm just asking, dude. It happens. Stuart: You guys still on for bowling tonight? Sheldon: Oh, yes. In fact, I've prepared some trash talk for the occasion. You bowl like your mama. Unless, of course, she bowls well. In which case, you bowl nothing like her. Stuart: Oh. Ouch. Sheldon: That is what is referred to as a burn on you. Howard: Did you ask her to start waxing? Leonard: No. Raj: Did you start waxing? Leonard: No. Howard: While making love, did you accidentally spank your own ass and cry out Mommy? Leonard: I'm walking away from you now. Howard: That wasn't a no. Raj: Yeah, I think we're getting close. Scene: The stairwell. Howard: Did you take a Benadryl and fall asleep while pleasuring her? Because you can die that way. Raj: Oh, that would be a good way to go. Penny: Hi. Leonard: Oh, hey. Sheldon: Good, Penny, reminder, bowling tonight at seven o'clock. Penny: Oh, right, bowling. Leonard: You don't have to come if you don't want to. Penny: No, no, it's okay. I mean, let's face it, you guys would get creamed without me. Sheldon: We would indeed. In this particular case, your lack of femininity works to our advantage. Penny: It's always nice chatting with you, Sheldon. Sheldon: Sarcasm? Penny: Thinly veiled contempt. Sheldon: Remember, seven o'clock. Penny: Got it. Sheldon: Pacific Daylight time! Penny: Bite me! Sheldon: Please reserve that butch spirit for the lanes. Scene: The bowling alley. Howard: I thought you were bringing your own bowling shoes. Sheldon: These are my own bowling shoes. Howard: Then what's with the disinfectant? Sheldon: I know where my feet have been. Stuart: Hey, Penny! And you guys. Albino Bob couldn't make it, so I brought a substitute. I believe some of you know Wil Wheaton. Wil: Hi, Sheldon. How's it going? Sheldon: Well, well, well. If it isn't Wil Wheaton, the Green Goblin to my Spider-Man, the Pope Paul the fifth to my Galileo, the Internet Explorer to my Firefox. Wil: You're not still carrying a grudge because I beat you at that card tournament, are you? Sheldon: I'm the proud owner of Wil Wheaton stinks dot com, dot net, and dot org. What does that tell you? Wil: It tells me that I am living rent-free right here (pointing at Sheldon's head). You ready to bowl? Sheldon: Oh, I'm ready. I don't know if Stuart told you what you're up against tonight, but before you stands the co-captain of the East Texas Christian Youth Holy Roller Bowling League championship team. Seven to twelve year-old division. Also, Penny's pretty good. Wil: Great. Then it's on. Sheldon: Oh, foolish Wil Wheaton, it was never off. Time lapse. Wil: Yes! Sheldon: A common spare. The Miss Congeniality of the bowling pageant. Before you jump on Twitter to tout your modest accomplishment, watch how it's really done. I am the ball. My thoughts are its thoughts. Its holes are my holes. (Gets a strike) Yes. Tweet that, Tweety Bird. Howard: Hey, I just wanted to tell you I'm a big fan. Wil: Oh, thanks. Howard: I'm sure you're probably sick of Star Trek questions, but, Whoopi Goldberg, you ever hit that? Raj: Ah, beer. The magic elixir that can turn this poor, shy Indian boy into the life of the party. Oh, yeah. Leonard: Chilli cheese fry? Penny: Yes. I love chilli cheese fries. Leonard: Really? You love them? Penny: Yeah, why? Leonard: No reason. I'm just glad to hear you're comfortable saying you love something. Penny: Do you really want to get into this right now? Leonard: Get into what? Why wouldn't you love the chilli cheese fries? They've been in your life a long time. They make you happy. They deserve to know. Penny: Okay, look, you just caught me by surprise last night. I didn't know what to say. Leonard: Okay, well, now you've had some time to think about it. So, what do you want to say? Penny: I'm not sure. Leonard: How can you not be sure? Penny: Okay, this isn't the place to have this conversation. Leonard: No, the place to have the conversation was in bed after I said, I love you, and you said, Thank you, good night. Penny: Don't push it, Leonard. Leonard: I am not pushing anything. Penny: You are. You don't get to decide when I'm ready to say I love you! Raj: Ah, the premature I love you. Howard: I guessed premature. Does that count? Scene: Penny's apartment door. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny, (knock, knock, knock) Penny, (knock, knock, knock) Penny. Penny: What? Sheldon: This is for you. Penny: Ice cream? Sheldon: I've been familiarizing myself with female emotional crises by studying the comic strip Cathy. When she's upset, she says Ach and eats ice cream. Penny: Um, Ach. Sheldon: If you were a cat, I would have brought you a lasagna. Penny: Did Leonard send you over here? Sheldon: No, we haven't spoken since your abrupt departure last night caused us to forfeit to Stuart and his dastardly ringer Wil Wheaton. Penny: Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Sheldon: I'm not too proud to admit that I cried myself to sleep. Penny: Again, I'm sorry. Sheldon: And let me tell you sleep did not come easily with Leonard in the next room singing along with Alanis Morrisette. Penny: You're kidding. Sheldon: No. Clearly another woman in dire need of ice cream. Penny: All right, Sheldon, what part of this is supposed to make me feel better? Sheldon: The part where I tell you I've engineered a rematch with Stuart's team for tonight. Penny: Oh, honey, I don't know. Things are a little weird with Leonard right now. Sheldon: You want me to remove him from the team? I'm the captain, I can do that. Penny: No, no, that's okay. Just let me talk to him, and I'll get back to you. Sheldon: When are you going to talk to him? Penny: I don't know. Sheldon: He's in the laundry room now. Now would be a good time. Penny: You're not gonna leave me alone until I do it, are you? Sheldon: Oh, I think we both know the answer to that question. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The laundry room. Penny: I think we should talk now. Leonard: What? No, it's okay. We don't have to talk 'cause there's nothing to talk about. Everything's good. Penny: Really? So, you didn't get all snarky 'cause I said something nice to a bowl of chilli fries? Leonard: All right, maybe I overreacted. So we're in two different places emotionally. So what? And maybe I'm a little ahead of you. That's fine. You know. In fact, it makes sense, 'cause let's face it, I've been in this relationship two years longer than you. Penny: Look, Leonard, you have to know how much I care about you. It's just that I've said the L word too soon before, and it didn't work out very well. Leonard: Really? I wouldn't know what that's like. Penny: I'm sorry. You know what I'm talking about, though. Leonard: Yeah, I do. Penny: So, we're good? Leonard: Yes, that's what I'm telling you. We are good. We are great. Sheldon: All right! Fence mended, problem swept under the rug. Time to bowl! Yes, I was eavesdropping, there's a lot at stake here. Scene: The bowling alley. Sheldon: Attention, all bowlers. I've taken the liberty of having these made for our rematch. Penny: The Wesley Crushers? Sheldon: No, not the Wesley Crushers. The Wesley "Crushers." Penny: I don't get it. Leonard: Wesley Crusher was Wil Wheaton's character on Star Trek. Penny: Still don't get it. Sheldon: It's a blindingly clever play on words. By appropriating his character's name and adding the S, we imply that we we'll be the crushers of Wesley. Penny: Okay, I'm sorry, honey, but the Wesley Crushers sounds like a bunch of people who like Wesley Crusher. Sheldon: What? No! Again, it's not the Wesley Crushers. It's the Wesley "Crushers." Howard: You know, if you want it to mean you're crushing Wesley, it'd be the "Wesley" Crushers. Sheldon: Do you people even hear yourselves? It's not the Wesley Crushers. It's not the "Wesley" Crushers. It's the Wesley "Crushers." Wil: Hey, look. They named their team after me. Sheldon: No, it's not the... Never mind. Stuart: So, we're all clear on the bet and the stakes? Sheldon: Oh, yes. The losers will be publicly humiliated in a fashion to be chosen by the victor. FYI, I plan on having you publish a scientific paper expounding the discredited Velikovsky hypothesis. Stuart: Ouch again. Wil: Hey, Sheldon, I just wanted you to know that I'm really looking forward to wiping the floor with you. Sheldon: Oh, yes? Well, before I respond, let me ask you a question. Is your mother a good or poor bowler? Time lapse. Wil: After you. Sheldon: No, after you, as we are currently crushing you, Wesley. Wil: It's customary for the player on the right-hand lane to bowl first. Sheldon: All right. Wil: It's a custom, not a rule. Sheldon: I so loathe you. Wil: That's right, Sheldon. Embrace the dark side. Sheldon: That's not even from your franchise! Stuart: I, um, I want you to know that even though we're on opposite sides, I, I bear you no ill will. Penny: Thank you, Stuart. It's nice to know. Stuart: Mmm, mmm. People from opposite sides often have good relationships. You know, Romeo and Juliet, Tony and Maria from West Side Story, what's-his-name and the big blue chick in Avatar. I'm gonna bowl now. Sheldon: Be the ball, Howard. Howard: Leave me alone, Sheldon. Sheldon: You weren't the ball. Penny: Hey, thanks. Leonard: This is fun, huh? Penny: Yeah. Leonard: It's good that we got out and did something physical. Penny: Mm-hmm. Leonard: Gets us out of our heads. You get in your head, you start to overthink, overanalyze, obsess, you worry. That's not what we're doing tonight. Tonight we're just throwing a ball at some pins. Penny: Yeah, that's right. Leonard: Mm-hmm, and someday, we don't know when, maybe you'll love me back. Ooh, I'm up. All (chanting): Shel-don! Shel-don! Shel-don! Shel-don! Sheldon: Excuse me. I don't know who you're chanting for as I am currently the ball. All (chanting): The ball! The ball! The ball! The ball! The ball! The ball! Sheldon: Thank you, Jesus! As my mother would say. Wil: I'm glad you patched things up with your boyfriend. Penny: Oh, yeah, me, too. Wil: It's always tough when the L bomb gets dropped and you're not ready for it. Penny: Tell me about it. Wil: I dated this one girl, and I told her that I loved her, and she said she wasn't sure. And she strung me along for almost two years. It was brutal. Penny: Oh, I'm sorry. Wil: Thanks. Yeah, I wish she had just broken up with me right there, put me out of my misery. Penny: Really? Wil: Yeah, would have been kinder. Stuart: Wil, you're up. Wil: Oh, that's me. Sheldon: Did you let Wil Wheaton get in your head? Penny: What are you talking about? Sheldon: He's evil. He plays evil mind games. Did he tell you his grandmother died? Penny: No! Sheldon: Well, if he does, don't believe it. He's not above playing the dead meemaw card. Wil: Yes! Sheldon: Enjoy the accolades now, Wil Wheaton, but like your time on Star Trek: Next Generation, your smug self-satisfaction will be short-lived. Leonard: Penny, you're up. Sheldon: All right, remember, his meemaw's alive and be the ball. Penny: Yeah, I got it. Leonard: We really need a strike here. Penny: I know. Leonard: So just take your time and concentrate. Penny: Leonard, stop pressuring me. Leonard: I'm not pressuring you. Penny: Yeah, you are! Just back off! Leonard: Okay, I'm sorry. I'll shut up. Penny: I didn't mean shut up. Leonard: Fine. Just tell me what to do, and I'll do it. Penny: No, this isn't fair to you, Leonard. I'm sorry. Sheldon: Wait! Where are you going? Penny, come back! I'll get you ice cream! Leonard: No, let her go. Sheldon: Are you insane? If she leaves, it's over! Leonard: I'm pretty sure it's already over. Wil: Tough luck, Sheldon. Sheldon: You did this, didn't you? Wil: Do you think I would really break up a couple just to win a bowling match? Sheldon: No, I suppose not. Wil: Good. Keep thinking that. Sheldon: Wheaton! Scene: The comic book store. Stuart: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah, I'm telling you the Match.com chicks are much looser than on eHarmony. You know, I, I gotta call you back. I won a bet, and it's time to collect. (The guys enter dressed as female superheroes. Howard is Batgirl, Sheldon is Wonder Woman, Leonard is Supergirl and Raj is Catwoman.) Raj: I don't know about you, but I feel empowered.

Leonard and Penny reflect on their relationship after Penny does not reciprocate when Leonard tells her he loves her. At a bowling match with Stuart and others, including Sheldon's rival Wil Wheaton, the two question their future together, but Wheaton may also be interfering.

fd_Alias_01x09

fd_Alias_01x09_0

(In the cave, Sydney hangs upside down on a rung of the ladder a few feet from the ground. She gasps, looks around and starts climbing up the ladder. Above, she comes out, breathing heavily. She starts looking for Dixon and picks up her walkie talkie.) SYDNEY: Dixon? Dixon, do you copy? Dixon? (No answer.) SYDNEY: Dixon, please tell me... (She gets up and gets her pack, and starts walking around. Radio static can be heard. She sees Dixon's fallen walkie talkie on the ground, and she spots some blood. She runs to a clearing and finds Dixon laying on his side. Sydney runs to him and kneels down.) SYDNEY: Dixon, Dixon, oh, no, no, no, no! Oh, no, no... (She opens his shirt to see a white undershirt drenched in blood.) SYDNEY: You weren't wearing your vest! Oh, why weren't you wearing your vest? DIXON: S-Syd... SYDNEY: You're going to be okay. You're going to be okay. Dixon, just hang in! (Sydney takes out a large phone and starts dialing, pausing briefly.) (Flashback. In the self-storage facility, Vaughn gives Sydney the phone.) VAUGHN: Take this with you. It's a satcom phone. It'll let you contact the C.I.A. from anywhere. SYDNEY: And what happens when SD-6 sees me lugging around a C.I.A.-issue phone? VAUGHN: Just don't let them see it. SYDNEY: This thing's like a brick. I can't take this. VAUGHN: Take it. Worse case scenario -- you might need it. (Back to the clearing. Sydney talks into it.) SYDNEY: Base ops, base ops, this is Freelancer. How copy? Over. C.I.A. OPERATIVE: B-ops reads you, L.C., Freelancer go ahead. DIXON: Freelancer... SYDNEY: This code six. I repeat, code six. Emergency medivac. Over. C.I.A. OPERATIVE: Copy. Launching extraction team. Lancer ping nabcom transponder in 3, 2, 1. Mark. DIXON: Freelancer... SYDNEY: Set. (She puts the phone down.) SYDNEY: Just hang in there buddy, just hang in there. Just hang in there. Oh, come on, come on, come on... just hang in there, buddy. Just hang in. I got you. Come on, come on... (Self-storage. Present day. Vaughn and Sydney.) VAUGHN: Are you okay? SYDNEY: I'm fine. VAUGHN: So, what happened when the chopper came? (Back to Argentina. Helicopter whirs above Sydney and the fallen Dixon.) SYDNEY: (voice over) The C.I.A. helicopter airlifted us to a hospital in Beunos Aires. The whole flight, I was thinking about Sloane. What he might do when he found out -- learning that I was betraying SD-6 this whole time. (Back to self-storage.) SYDNEY: And then I thought of a way out. I called Sloane, told him that I'd dragged Dixon back to the Humvee. That I drove him to the hospital myself. I couldn't tell in his voice if he believed me, but I-I think he did. They airlifted us back to Los Angeles. When we got there, they took us to Angel of Mercy hospital. VAUGHN: Good. SYDNEY: No. (Hospital. Dixon is being brought in on a stretcher, Sydney trailing behind. Doctors gather around as they take him in.) SYDNEY: (voice over) It's an SD-6 hospital. DOCTOR: Three gunshot wounds, fourteen hours old. We've got internal bleeding here! Agent Bristow, have you been briefed on your cover story? SYDNEY: Is he going to be okay? DOCTOR: Mrs. Dixon's waiting to talk to you. Sloane wanted me to confirm that you've been briefed on your cover story. SYDNEY: Yes! I know my cover story! Is my partner going to live? DOCTOR: We don't know. SYDNEY: (voice over) And then I had to lie to Dixon's wife. (In the hospital, Sydney talks to Mrs. Dixon.) SYDNEY: We were just standing there outside the bank's office in Rome. This car pulled up. I didn't even see it. These men stepped out, they had guns. They wanted the bank's computer codes. I had them in my briefcase. Your husband grabbed me, pulled me to the ground. I heard gunshots. You should have seen him. I didn't even know he had been hit. MRS. DIXON: You just never think something like this... SYDNEY: He's strong. He's going to make it. (Self-storage.) VAUGHN: He will make it? SYDNEY: We don't know that. Dixon was bleeding so much, I was afraid if I took my hand off his wound, he'd lose too much blood. So I used the satcom phone right in front of him. VAUGHN: You said he was barely conscious. SYDNEY: But he heard me. He repeated my code name twice. I'd suggest that you put operatives there just to be there when he regains consciousness. VAUGHN: But it's an SD-6 hospital. He will make it. (Sloane's office. He looks through some papers on his desk. Dreyer sits across from him.) SLOANE: You're in a very difficult position, Mr. Dreyer. You've been sent to SD-6 to find a mole. The alliance must be pressuring you to deliver. DREYER: I'm just doing my job. SLOANE: We both are. We're both doing our job. And I look at Sydney Bristow's test results -- I don't see a single spike. She didn't falter once. DREYER: She's guilty. She's the one. SLOANE: I think that's a dangerous accusation made by a desperate man. DREYER: I'm not desperate, Mr. Sloane. But I am curious why you feel the need to defend Miss Bristow? SLOANE: I don't. I don't need to defend her. The results defend her. DREYER: The results are too perfect. We all have our speciality. This is mine. With all due respect, uh, Mr. Sloane. You're ignoring the facts. Sydney Bristow has made numerous mistakes, not the least of which was her most recent mission. Her partner was almost killed. She could have retrieved the Rambaldi book, which is now in K-Directorate's hands. Sydney Bristow is the mole. If you don't follow protocol on this, I'm going to the alliance. (He gets up to walk out.) SLOANE: Dreyer... don't you do a damn thing. I'll take care of Bristow. (Francie, Will and Sydney sit at an outdoor restaurant together.) WILL: Is Dixon going to be okay? SYDNEY: He's still in ICU. They don't know. WILL: So, guys with guns jumped out of a car? SYDNEY: It was over so quickly, I-- WILL: I mean, what for? For computer codes, bank stuff? What did the cops say? FRANCIE: Can you not be a reporter for, like, two minutes? WILL: I'm asking because I care. I just think it's weird for something else like this to happen to you. I mean, first it's Danny, now it's this. FRANCIE: Leave her alone, or I will kick your ass. I'm not kidding. (Pause.) WILL: Thank God you're okay. (Sydney smiles at him.) (A bank. Several men wearing black ski masks and carrying rifles and guns run in.) ROBBER: NOBODY MOVE! ROBBER2: Down on the floor! Down! Down on the floor! STAY DOWN! (Fade out to reveal that this is actually video footage that Sloane, Rusik and Sydney are watching in a conference room at SD-6.) SLOANE: We've seen hundreds of bank robberies at first glance. There's nothing out of the ordinary here, but these men have skills. They have materials. The robbery was a distraction. (points) While those men were accessing the registers, these two men hacked into the bank's mainframe and rerouted funds. They work for Anini Hassan. SYDNEY: I don't understand. Why would Hassan be robbing a bank in the States? SLOANE: Because that bank controlled his assets recently frozen by the US government. He used those men to transfer his money so he could access it. (Jack enters and sits down.) SLOANE: We put up with Hassan for years, mostly because he provided us with good intel. Now he's closing shop. Relocating. And we don't know where. He's been missing for two weeks. JACK: Hassan is too dangerous to trust as a free agent. Now it's our job to bring him to justice. RUSIK: Where did he reroute the money? SLOANE: That's what we need to find out. If we don't steal back his fortune, he could use that money to buy protection in the Middle East. If he does that, he could partner with a hostile country and provide them with all the arms they will ever need. JACK: Logan Gerace. He's an accountant. He has one client: Anini Hassan. Gerace's known for his parties at his villa in Tuscany -- entertains dignitaries, diplomats. He's having an event Friday night. You'll be there. While Dixon's in recovery, you'll go at it alone. We have no in at the party. You won't be on the guest list. SYDNEY: Shouldn't be a problem. SLOANE: Your mission is to retrieve Hassan's offshore account number from Gerace's computer. Dead drop the info at Dinatti Park, which is five miles from the party. SYDNEY: When do I leave? SLOANE: Tonight. (Electronic store. In the back room, Will sits in a chair while a geek -- Neville -- tears apart the pin carefully. He picks at it with tweezers.) WILL: So, this guy I know was killed. Danny Hecht. Nicest guy in the world, killed in his bathroom. The police say there was no motive, there was no suspects. But then I stumbled upon this: There's a video blackout the night that he was killed. NEVILLE: Weird. WILL: That's weird, right? Well, there's more. There's a woman named Kate Jones who was supposed to travel to Singapore with Danny that night. So what do I do? I call around. I find this woman. Winds up she's lying to me -- her real name is Eloise Kurtz and somebody paid her to talk to me. NEVILLE: Weird. WILL: Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, well, it gets weirder. This woman, the woman that said that she was Kate Jones... she's dead. Killed. NEVILLE: Who kiled her? WILL: I don't know, Neville, that's why I'm here. I mean, who killed Eloise Kurtz? Who killed Daniel Hecht? And then somebody covered up the passenger manifest, and I think whoever did that gave Eloise Kurtz that pin. NEVILLE: Here we go. (Neville has taken off the center decoration of the flower and has taken off the plastic that gave color to the petals. In the center of the pin is the core of the bug.) WILL: What? NEVILLE: Damn. This mama's gorgeous. WILL: Why is she gorgeous? Why, why? Why is she so gorgeous? NEVILLE: It's MEMS. Microelectromechanical Systems technology. This is like, this is like the next gen's next gen. WILL: So what are you saying? This is government? You're saying this is government issue? Because the guy at the science lab, see, that's what-- NEVILLE: SHHH! (He puts two electric prongs by the bug and recieves feedback.) WILL: The guy-- NEVILLE: SHHHHH! (whispers) It's on. WILL: (whispers) What do you mean, like, right now? NEVILLE: Yes! (He does it again and gets feedback.) WILL: Who is it? NEVILLE: I don't know. (Sydney's bedroom. She packs while Francie sits on the bed, looking at a bridal magazine.) FRANCIE: You should report your boss to the corporate office. SYDNEY: No kidding. FRANCIE: Making you go to Boston after everything you just went through? Please. You deserve a month off, with pay. What do you think of this wedding dress? (She shows Sydney a page in the magazine. Sydney makes a face.) SYDNEY: No. You can't go shopping for a wedding dress in a magazine. Let's go to that boutique on Beverly. FRANCIE: I have always wanted a reason to go there, and now I have a reason! SYDNEY: Yeah. You're getting married. FRANCIE: I am. I'm getting married. (big smile) How about Saturday? (The phone rings.) SYDNEY: Hello? VOICE: Joey's Pizza? SYDNEY: Wrong number. FRANCIE: So, Saturday? Noon? SYDNEY: Yes. For sure. (At some outdoor tables, Sydney sits at one, by herself. At the adjacent table, Vaughn sits.) VAUGHN: SD-6 doesn't want to bring Hassan to justice. They just want revenge. SYDNEY: Revenge for what? VAUGHN: Something you did. When Hassan bought the nuclear weapon from SD-6 and you snuck into Hassan's base and stole the core back, he thought he was being double-crossed. That only SD-6 would have known he had the bomb and where it was. SYDNEY: Oh, God. VAUGHN: So, last week he sold SD-6 ten Stinger anti-aircraft missiles. They want him to fortify their base in Oman. Hassan had a good laugh. He took the money and ran. He didn't deliver. SYDNEY: So, SD-6 wants to send a message to everyone else they do business with. VAUGHN: "Don't mess with SD-6." The C.I.A. actually wants to bring Hassan to justice. We want SD-6 to have that money. SYDNEY: Why? VAUGHN: That way we can tag the accounts and see where they take it, what they spend it on. It will give us a profile into how SD-6 does their banking. Here, take this. (He takes a small box device and drops his hand. Sydney takes it from him.) VAUGHN: Attach it to the top of the SD-6 retrieval device. It'll copy whatever you get from Gerace's computer. SYDNEY: Okay. VAUGHN: Are you okay? SYDNEY: I was getting briefed by Marshall... (Flashback. In Marshall's office, Sydney gets briefed.) MARSHALL: Okay, now, this thing sucks -- literally. Sucks all the information from the computer hard drive right into the internal flash ram. Now, just place it on or near the computer hard drive and when this light is green, it's reading. SYDNEY: How long does it take? MARSHALL: It should suck up to forty gigs in under two minutes. Oh, do you want some candy? (picks up a big jar) I just put this jar of candy in here, trying to make the place a little more inviting. And, oh, you want to take a seat in the inflatable chair? It's... (Marshall's face falls. Sydney turns to see Sloane standing behind them.) SLOANE: Come see me when you're done. (In Sloane's office, Sydney sits.) SLOANE: I should start with your test results. You passed just fine. The numbers were normal. SYDNEY: I'd hope so. SLOANE: I know what a difficult time this is. I understand, with Dixon in the hospital... SYDNEY: Have you heard anything? SLOANE: Yes. He's still unconscious. They're not sure how bad it is. Look, Sydney... I don't blame you for not talking to me the way you used to, for hating me... since what happened with Danny. Please believe me when I tell you it was the last thing I wanted. The last thing. I begged security section not to take that action. SYDNEY: No, you didn't. SLOANE: Well, you don't have to believe me. SYDNEY: Why would you try and stop what you had ordered? SLOANE: Because of you. I always knew there was something about you, from the first time I saw you. SYDNEY: A lot can change in seven years. SLOANE: It's been a lot longer than seven years. I've known your father since 1971. I met him at Langley. I knew your mother. I went to your parents' wedding. Sydney, I've known you since you were a baby. I was out of the country for most of your childhood, various operations, but I kept tabs on you. I checked in on you in my own way. I always thought of you as my daughter, even from the beginning. Well, I just wanted to let you know... before you went away. (Back to Sydney and Vaughn at the tables.) SYDNEY: It was almost like he was saying good-bye. Like he knew that I'm not coming back. VAUGHN: You're going to be okay. We'll get through this. Just contact me as soon as you get back. SYDNEY: I know, with his account numbers. SLOANE: No, I mean, with or without the account. Just as soon as you get back. SYDNEY: (quietly) Okay... VAUGHN: Okay? SYDNEY: Okay. (Sloane's office. An agent enters.) AGENT: You wanted to see me? (Sloane stares off.) AGENT: Sir? SLOANE: Yes. I need to send a communique to SD-4 office in Rome. Attention: Spinelli. Put it out through server five. AGENT: Yes, sir. SLOANE: I'm ordering, with security section full knowledge, the assassination of an SD-6 officer. Method -- close-range hit. This officer is scheduled to make a dead drop at Dinatti Park, ten pm tomorrow. That's when the kill should take place. AGENT: Yes, sir. SLOANE: The target's name is Bristow... Sydney Bristow. (Tuscany. Sydney parachutes in, and lands on the driveway of the villa. She rips off her suit, revealing her dress. She walks in, takes a martini. She smiles at people. She spots Gerace talking to two women near the pool.) (Flashback briefing with Marshall.) MARSHALL: Okay. Step one is to find Gerace and get a hold of something he touched. (He holds up a small cell phone.) MARSHALL: Looks like a normal phone that you'd call. (puts it up to his ear) "Hi, you want to go out on Friday? No? Okay. That's fine." But it's actually a biometric sensor. Now, it lifts the print off of any smooth surface, digitizes it, and then creates a liquid latex duplicate you can use to get into Gerace's study. Now, there's only enough liquid latex in here for one copy, so make sure you get the right fingerprint. (At the party, Gerace sets his glass down on a table and leaves with the two women. Sydney watches them go, walks up to the glass and takes out the phone. She scans the fingerprint. Putting the phone back in her purse, she leaves and goes inside the villa. She walks down some stairs and stops when she sees a painting of a woman in a wedding dress.) SYDNEY: Damn it. (Wedding boutique. Francie, wearing a wedding dress, sits alone and looks around. She looks really sad.) (Will's newspaper. In the bathroom, Will sits in one of the stalls, talking to the pin.) WILL: Okay, I don't know who you are but Eloise Kurtz was wearing this the day that she met me, so I assume that you heard at least that conversation, and you know who I am which means that you know that I'm a reporter, and that I've been trying to find out what happened to Danny Hecht, and now to Eloise Kurtz. So, if you killed her, well, then you would've already known that I'm a threat to you and you would've already killed me, too. So, unless you didn't kill her, in which case I need to talk to you. My cell number is 310-555-0153. Please... call me. (He stares at his phone. Stares at the pin.) WILL: Please. I need to talk to you. (Suddenly, the cell phone rings. Will jumps, staring at it. He hesitantly answers.) WILL: Hello? Francie, yeah. Hi. No, I don't know where she is. No, I don't think she got back yet. (Sydney walks down the hall of Gerace's villa. She gets to the security system and takes off the back of the phone. Where the latex duplicate now sits, ready for her, she places her finger. The latex duplicate covers her finger and she puts it up to the pad. She gets access, and walks in. Sydney puts the SD-6 sucker and the CIA copier up on the hard drive.) (CIA office. Agent Weiss walks up to Vaughn, a sheet in his hand.) WEISS: Hey. Agent Bristow's been made. We just unlocked this communique off of the SD-6 server. VAUGHN: What?! WEISS: Ten pm, Dinatti Park. They're going to kill her. SD-6 is going to kill her. We have to tell Davenport, but he's not in his office. (Vaughn immediately picks up the phone, and starts dialing.) VAUGHN: Yeah, it's Vaughn. We need an extraction team assembled in Italy. No, Tuscany. We only have two hours! (He hangs up and starts walking briskly out of the office.) VAUGHN: I'll go tell Davenport! WEISS: I just told you, he's not in his office! VAUGHN: I'm going to go find him! Get me Jack Bristow on the phone! WEISS: Jack Bristow. Right. (He starts dialing.) (Sydney takes the copiers off of the computer and puts them in her purse. She walks out and into the hallway. Turning a corner, she's caught by a guard.) GUARD: (speaking Italian) SYDNEY: (leans against wall) I don't speak Italian, but I love everything about this house. Except the spinning... Can you do something about the spinning? GUARD: This floor is not for guests. SYDNEY: (covers her mouth) Can you tell me where the bathroom is? GUARD: Uh, it's upstairs. Watch your step. (Sydney runs out, pretending she's going to vomit.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Vaughn's walking down a hallway, when his cell phone rings.) VAUGHN: Yeah? (Jack is at SD-6.) JACK: I got your message. I'm on a secure line. VAUGHN: There's been a hit put out on Sydney. I'm getting her out of there. JACK: Not yet. You could be making a mistake. VAUGHN: I don't think so! JACK: Do nothing until you hear from me. VAUGHN: We already have a team en route-- (Jack hangs up on him.) (Marshall's office. Standing at this computer, wearing earphones, Marshall's jamming out, moving to the music. Jack taps him on the shoulder and he flinches, jumping a bit.) MARSHALL: Aahhh! Yeah? JACK: I sent a communique to SD-4, but they never recieved it. MARSHALL: Oh, uh, you want some candy? JACK: No. I need you to check the server logs right away. MARSHALL: Over here. (They move over to another computer. Marshall types something and a list of messages scrolls on by.) MARSHALL: This here is, uh, a list of all outgoing messages in the last seventy-two hours. JACK: This includes every server? MARSHALL: Yeah, well, except server five. Since security section ran that drill, it's not connected to the main network. But the communique wouldn't go that route. JACK: Let's look there anyway. MARSHALL: Okay. (He types something, and server five logs come up. Jack sees a message "Sloane to Spinelli.") (In the field ops room at the CIA offices, Weiss and Vaughn talk to an agent. Video screens are behind them.) AGENT: Okay, team's in place in Dinatti Park. I've got six armed officers stationed and waiting. One by the fountain. Two at the southern entrance. One at the western gate. Our snipers are at the north end, standing by. Awaiting Bristow's arrival. First arrival, I take her to safety. VAUGHN: All right. Are they still scanning for gunmen? AGENT: Yes, sir. Scan's complete. No shooters have been 20'd. I've got three operatives surrounding the park on lookout. (In the hall at the CIA office, Jack walks. He sees an agent, Lloyd.) LLOYD: Jack. You should-- JACK: Take me to field ops. (Jack and Lloyd enter the room.) VAUGHN: Mr. Bristow. JACK: Call them off. VAUGHN: Did you read Sloane's transmission? She'll be in the park any minute. JACK: No execution has been ordered. This is a set-up. VAUGHN: What are you talking about? JACK: Sloane's transmission was sent out on SD-6 server five. It was only sent to you. Vaughn, they know someone's listening. This is a test. VAUGHN: I'll tell you what. We'll take that chance, get Sydney out of there, and argue about this later. JACK: You go in like this, you pull her out, it'll only prove that you've intercepted Sloane's communique and Sydney will be exposed. VAUGHN: You don't know that for a fact! JACK: Why am I even talking to you? Lloyd, abort this mission. VAUGHN: Hey, wait a minute! LLOYD: We verified this order, Jack. We pull back, you could be killing your daughter. JACK: You're killing her if you don't! VAUGHN: How could you be willing to risk something like this?! JACK: If Sydney makes her scheduled dead-drop, does it successfully, and leaves the park, she will have proven herself loyal to SD-6. LLOYD: Have them hold 'til we give an order. VAUGHN: No, no, no, hold it! WEISS: Hold 'til further notice... VAUGHN: This is Sydney's LIFE! JACK: You were meant to see that transmission! You're the only ones who saw it! VAUGHN: Someone in that park is going to kill her if we don't do anything! JACK: I know how Sloane works! He's BLUFFING! RADIO: Alpha two, come in. AGENT: Bristow's entering the park. RADIO: We have two vehicles that are not on our list. (Sydney walks in the park, blissfully unaware. A guy wearing a red jacket suddenly starts walking towards her.) AGENT: Who's this guy in the jacket? RADIO: Position three, we have an approaching hostile. Acquire male target, seventy-five meters. (Sydney walks. In his office, Sloane watches.) WEISS: This could be our guy. This could be the hit. What are we doing here? VAUGHN: Jack, promise me you're not wrong about this! JACK: Hold your position... (Sloane watches. Sydney walks. Red Jacket puts his hand in his pocket, reaching for something.) AGENT: He could be going for a gun! Prepare to take him out! VAUGHN: Stand by. (Sydney walks, passing Red Jacket... nothing happens. She makes the dead drop.) RADIO: Copy that. VAUGHN: That's her dead drop. AGENT: Okay, she's out. She's out of the park. She's clear. (Sloane smiles in his office.) LLOYD: Good work, Jack. (Jack walks out.) WEISS: Oy. I just lost thirty pounds. Okay, I'm not kidding. (Will and Francie are drinking -- many empty beer bottles on the table -- and are watching a movie. It ends, and Will shuts it off.) WILL: Oh, God, this is exactly why I became a reporter. It's like--it's like, the best movie ever made! FRANCIE: "His Girl Friday"? WILL: Yeah! What's a better movie than that? FRANCIE: "Godfather," "On The Waterfront," "Citizen Kane"... WILL: Okay, okay, you're right. FRANCIE: "Raging Bull," "Empire Strikes Back"... (Will gets up and gets them more beer from the fridge.) WILL: Okay, okay, whatever, it sucks, all right? But it's why I wanted to become a reporter. I saw this when I was a kid and I loved it. And I was just like, I don't know, all the quick... FRANCIE: Repartee. WILL: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it just looked fun. You know, being a reporter looked fun. But it's not. It's not fun. It's a pain in the ass. FRANCIE: What's your problem? Will? (He gets his bag and sits down next to her on the sofa.) FRANCIE: What are you doing? Will... WILL: Scoot over. (He unzips his bag and gets out a wad of toilet paper. He starts unraveling it.) FRANCIE: (laughing) Is something even in there? (Will shows her the bug.) FRANCIE: Oh, it's so ugly. WILL: It's a bug. It's a microphone. FRANCIE: No, it's not! What are you talking about? WILL: Yeah, yeah, it's a story I'm working on. I'm like... I'm like living in a puzzle. I can't figure anything out. I don't know who's doing what. I'm a mess. Literally. You're looking at a mess. And whoever's listening can go to hell! You hear that? FRANCIE: Do you really think somebody's listening? WILL: Yeah. I don't even care anymore. I just want to watch old movies and go to sleep. (Francie picks it up and yells into it.) FRANCIE: Do you think I will find a good wedding dress? WILL: Fran, it's not a Magic 8 Ball. FRANCIE: Hellooooooo... WILL: Tell them to stop torturing me! FRANCIE: Stop torturing Will Tippin! He's my friend! (His cell phone rings.) FRANCIE: Bad people! WILL: Hello? DISGUISED VOICE: Stop talking about the bug. Tell the person you're with this is a wrong number. (Will hangs up, terrified.) FRANCIE: Hellloooo... who was that? WILL: It was... a wrong number. (He takes the bug.) (Sloane's office. He meets with Dreyer.) DREYER: You sent the communique on server five. High-level intel could deduce that your directive was bogus. SLOANE: Whoever's hacked into our computer network has no reason to believe we're setting them up. The point is, they recieved the intel. If Bristow had been their agent, they would have prevented her from going into the park last night. DREYER: Let's say she had been the mole. SLOANE: So, you're convinced she's not. DREYER: Well, whether she is or not, if your plan had worked, if she had been revealed as the mole, she would have been saved by her people and you would have effectively let her go. SLOANE: You have your answer regarding Sydney Bristow. DREYER: What are you protecting? SLOANE: Mr. Dreyer, I still believe we have a situation here at SD-6. I strongly suggest you keep looking for the mole, and stop questioning every decision I make. (Bathtub at Sydney's. She takes a relaxing bath. Knock on the door, Francie peeks in.) FRANCIE: Syd? SYDNEY: Oh, Fran-- FRANCIE: Hey, when'd you get back? SYDNEY: Oh, my God. Your wedding dress. FRANCIE: Oh, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. SYDNEY: I am so sorry! FRANCIE: How was Boston? SYDNEY: Did you get my message? FRANCIE: I did. It's okay, seriously. I mean, it was probably insensitive of me to ask you to go wedding dress shopping. SYDNEY: Why? FRANCIE: Well, becuase you were supposed to be going through this, and I understand if you feel weird. I'll do whatever you need. It's okay. (She closes the door and begins to walk down the hallway. Sydney runs out in a robe.) SYDNEY: Francie, this wasn't about me losing Danny. This wasn't about me at all. The only reason I didn't show up was because of work, I promise. Let's go next week, okay? FRANCIE: Okay. Hey, any news about Dixon? Is he okay? SYDNEY: He still hasn't woken up. FRANCIE: I'm really sorry. (Will's office. His cell phone rings.) WILL: Hello? DISGUISED VOICE: Hello, Will Tippin. WILL: Who is this? DISGUISED VOICE: Go to 7th and Spring. (Dial tone.) (SD-6 -- briefing with Sydney, Rusik and Sloane.) SLOANE: Analysis has reviewed the information that you obtained from Gerace's computer. Apparently, Hassan is more paranoid than we predicted. SYDNEY: His bank account information wasn't there? SLOANE: Yes and no. We know the bank, but not the account numbers. Those numbers, according to the files on the hard drive, are not stored in any computer because a computer can be hacked. RUSIK: If they're not in a computer, where are the numbers? SLOANE: A safety deposit box in this bank -- Omnico, Inc. Geneva, Switzerland. You're going in with Rusik. You'll be Christiana Stevens, you represent Dreiberg Diamonds. You're looking for a bank to recommend to your clients for high-volume storage. You leave tonight. (Sloane leans in and puts his hand on Sydney's shoulder.) SLOANE: Great job in Tuscany. (Self-storage -- Vaughn and Sydney.) SYDNEY: So, it was a trap. VAUGHN: Yes, it was. SYDNEY: If you had pulled me out, Sloane would have known I was the mole. But I would have been safe. I mean, he gave me an out. VAUGHN: He considers you a daughter. SYDNEY: Don't remind me. How did you know not to step in? VAUGHN: It was your dad. He figured the truth -- that Sloane was setting us up. SYDNEY: Hmm. VAUGHN: What? SYDNEY: It's going to take forever to bring them down. VAUGHN: Well, this might help a little. SYDNEY: What is it? VAUGHN: The new transmitter. We'll be able to hear everything you're saying when you're in Switzerland. So, when you open the safety deposit box, read Hassan's bank account numbers aloud. SYDNEY: SD-6 will get the numbers at the same time. VAUGHN: It doesn't matter. We'll tag the accounts right here and track every move SD-6 makes with that money. Yeah, I know, it's not exactly a crushing blow, but... SYDNEY: Every bit helps. (At the corner of 7th and Spring, Will stands on the sidewalk. The pay phone rings.) WILL: Yes? Hello? DISGUISED VOICE: Tell me you weren't followed. WILL: No, not a chance. C'mon, man, who is this? DISGUISED VOICE: You have questions about Kate Jones. How far are you willing to go, Mr. Tippin? I need to hear the words "I'm ready." WILL: Why? Why, could my life be in danger? DISGUISED VOICE: Say the words. WILL: Yeah, I'm in. I'm ready. (Dial tone.) (Geneva. Sydney walks into the bank and goes to the teller.) SYDNEY: Excuse me. Can you tell me where Mr. Franco is, please? TELLER: Could you wait here a moment, please? (She goes over and gets Mr. Franco.) SYDNEY: Mr. Franco. Christiana Stevens, Dreiberg Diamonds. I have an appointment to tour the facility. (Franco and Sydney walk downstairs to the vault in the bank.) FRANCO: Now, our security system is powered by an on-site, underground generator which means we're unaffected by the city blackouts. SYDNEY: How high does your insurance cover? FRANCO: Well, we have no pre-set limit, although if your clients wish to store their diamonds here, we would have an independent appraiser to value the merchandise. SYDNEY: How has the current political climate affected your privacy laws? FRANCO: Well, our first duty is always to the customer, that we-- (He faints when Sydney takes a bottle out of her purse and sprays something at him. She moves over to the safety deposit boxes. She speaks to her watch/transmitter.) SYDNEY: Okay, Rusik. I'm in. RUSIK: Remember, Gerace's box is 22364. I'm accessing the bank's online server. I'll stay on station, waiting for your relay. SYDNEY: Got it. (She takes out a box and slaps it on the safety deposit box. It burns the lock. Sydney opens the box and slides it open. In the main part of the bank, the teller, speaking French and looking at the monitors, tells the guards there is an emergency. The guard gets up. Inside the vault, Sydney finds the card with the numbers.) SYDNEY: Rusik, I got it. Are you ready? RUSIK: Go. SYDNEY: Delta, 6, 1, 3, 5, Charlie, Echo. That's it. (In the field ops room at the CIA, Vaughn and Weiss have been listening. Vaughn writes down the number and gives it to Weiss.) VAUGHN: Okay, get this to our guys in treasury. I don't want to lose track of a single penny. WEISS: No kidding. (Weiss runs off.) RUSIK: Okay, money's transferred. (Sydney tries sliding the box inside, but it's jammed. Guard walks. Sydney tries again, grunting.) RUSIK: You out of there yet, Sydney? SYDNEY: Not just yet! (Guard turns the corner to see Sydney kneeling over Franco.) SYDNEY: Help! He just fainted, I'll call an ambulance! (She runs out.) (Will, reading a newspaper and walking to his car, suddenly stops. He sees "GLOVE BOX" written in the dust on his car window. Peering inside, he unlocks the door and gets in. He pops open the glove box and finds an envelope. A cassette is inside. He digs out his tape recorder, puts the tape in, and plays it. It's full of static and the voices are garbled.) KATE/ELOISE: Hey, what are you doing? MAN'S VOICE: What did you tell that reporter? KATE/ELOISE: I told him exactly what I was supposed to tell him! MAN'S VOICE: Did you mention... (garbled) KATE/ELOISE: Of course not! MAN'S VOICE: Did you tell him about... (garbled) (Gunshots. One, two, three shots.) (SD-6. Marshall hands over a piece of paper to someone.) MARSHALL: It's an anomaly, sir. While Sydney was in the bank vault, there was definitely an additional transmission out of Geneva. Not one of ours. I picked it up in signals intelligence. It's just... you wanted me to tell you if there was anything unusual. I didn't just get someone in trouble, did I? (Dreyer looks up.) (Dreyer walks into Sloane's office, the proof that Sydney is the mole in his hands -- the piece of paper that Marshall gave him. He hands it over to Sloane. Sloane reads it, and reluctantly nods.) (Sydney's bedroom. Night. The phone rings, she answers.) SYDNEY: Hello? MRS. DIXON: Sydney? It's Diane. He's woken up. (In the hospital, Sydney walks down the hall with Mrs. Dixon. She meets Sloane coming from the other way. He doesn't look at her, and keeps walking. Sydney turns around to see him continue walking.) (Dixon's hospital room. Diane opens the door and lets Sydney inside.) MRS. DIXON: It's okay, go on in. I'm going to go get some coffee. SYDNEY: Okay, thanks. (Dixon's eyes open.) SYDNEY: Hey. DIXON: Hey. SYDNEY: It's so good to see you. DIXON: You, too. (Sydney sits down.) SYDNEY: Dixon... do you know what... do you remember what happened? DIXON: The last thing I remember... I was walking out and trying to link to the satellite... and that sweet smile of yours. (Sydney can't help it. She laughs, smiling widely.) DIXON: Yup. And there it is. (Later, Sydney walks out of the hospital and enters the parking garage. She sees a black car pull up in front of her, slow. She sees two men approach her. Sydney turns and starts walking briskly the other way. The car follows. The men start running to her. Sydney starts running, but another car comes the other way and slams into her. Sydney flies on top of the hood and rolls off, onto the pave. She grunts. The men get out of the car and approach. One of them has a small tranquilizer gun, filled with white liquid. They hold Sydney down and shoot the tranquilizer gun in her neck. She passes out, unconscious. The men grab her and take her in the car. The two cars drive off.) (SD-6, Sloane's office. The phone rings.) SLOANE: Yeah? MAN: We got her. (Sloane hangs up, slowly, and looks around at his empty office.)

Sydney's life is placed in mortal danger when Sloane is informed by his superior that she is the SD-6 mole . Meanwhile, Dixon's life hangs in the balance after he is shot by Anna Espinosa on a mission, trying to recover a Rambaldi manuscript hidden in the mountains of South America. Will realizes that his discovery of Kate Jones' pin could uncover some unexpected information.

fd_Veronica_Mars_03x17

fd_Veronica_Mars_03x17_0

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars... Bronson and Mac lie in bed and kiss in 314 "Mars, Bars." BRONSON: I like being sweet to you. MAC: I'm really glad. Cut to Mac and Max at Parker's birthday party in 316 "Un-American Graffiti." MAC: You sell tests. MAX: Yeah, it's not easy. MAC: Tell me you're a business major. MAX: Philosophy. They laugh. Cut to Veronica and Piz on the balcony. VERONICA: You've been so sweet to me. I just- Piz kisses her. Cut to a few moments later with them kissing again outside the doors of the lift. The doors open to reveal Logan. End previously. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. Wallace is sitting in the armchair, taking notes. Veronica is stretched out on the couch. The Women is playing on the television. Wallace is concentrating hard on the movie. LADY #2 IN BLACK'S: [on TV] Oh, that old bag! One more permanent and she won't have a hair on her head! LADY #1 IN BLACK'S: [on TV] Um, she's got plenty on her arms, baby! LADY #2 IN BLACK'S: [on TV] She sure does shed, don't she? Veronica is sceptical. VERONICA: I can't believe this is a class. WALLACE: Hey, without film studies, how will we know what movies mean? VERONICA: So...Piz didn't say anything...about the whole party...thing? WALLACE: Like how you two made out in the hall and then you took off? Veronica pulls a face. Wallace chuckles. WALLACE: Why? Is he calling you all the time? VERONICA: He called once. The day after. But...how would you interpret his mood? WALLACE: You want me to have this talk? Am I a twelve-year-old girl? VERONICA: No. But you're drinking Fresca and watching Joan Crawford movies. WALLACE: Look, I told you: be honest, let him down easy. But- VERONICA: [pained] So he's gone all mushy. WALLACE: I don't know. My interpretation of Piz's mood? Normal. So is the girl talk over? I'm trying to watch The Women here. Keith enters the apartment before Veronica can protest. VERONICA: How was your day? KEITH: It's official. Two fewer burglaries this month than last. VERONICA: I smell trend. KEITH: And the registration deadline for the special election is Monday... VERONICA: So you're running... KEITH: Unopposed. Might stand a chance. Keith holds up two sets of crossed fingers. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, RADIO STATION - DAY. Music: "Life Is Good" by Junk. LYRICS: I know I can always win I can do anything I To more than dream I Think You make everything - everything just right So alive Life is good when you're around Nothing can bring me down Amongst the equipment and notices on the wall of the radio station is a poster headed "Extra - Desmond Fellows. Trish is sitting at one of the desks. TRISH: Okay, Johnny Scopes and Desmond Fellows met where? Piz and Arnold are standing in front of her. ARNOLD: [triumphantly] NYU, Dean's office. Johnny dropping out and Desmond expelled. Formed My Pretty Pony the next day. TRISH: Score one for Arnold. Arnold looks over at Piz who waggles his fingers in a "So what?" gesture. TRISH: Piz, name three My Pretty Pony songs that made the college-radio charts. PIZ: "Black Cat," "You Break Me, You Buy Me," "Jesus Saves, But Where Does He Shop?" Piz does his own share of gloating with a Danny Zuko cough-sneer. PIZ: All right! TRISH: Their last album was released? ARNOLD: '96, More Problems. Game over. Arnold, sure of his victory, gives a punch in the air. PIZ: The Wake EP, 1997, released over Desmond's objections after Johnny died. Their official last album. Without looking at him, Piz gives the defeated Arnold a "talk to the hand." PIZ: Ah-oh. TRISH: Congratulations, Piz. Job's yours. Piz does his own triumphant punch. TRISH: You replace Joe. There's a lot riding on this. Don't blow it. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY. Piz wanders in and spots Veronica. PIZ: Hey, Veronica, guess what? Veronica is awkward as she plays cool. VERONICA: Uh, what? They saunter through the Food Court together. PIZ: You know My Pretty Pony? VERONICA: Yeah. I totally love them. PIZ: I know, right? So, Desmond Fellows is coming to Hearst. And guess who just won the My Pretty Pony-off and gets to be his guide? Piz points to himself happily. VERONICA: I'm guessing you? PIZ: Mm-hmm. VERONICA: Wow. That's awesome. Why is he coming here? PIZ: One of our idiot deejays swore on air, and the FCC is literally fining us into oblivion, so...we got Desmond to come play a fund-raiser to pay them off. Otherwise the station is dead. Veronica's nose wrinkles and she turns to face him. VERONICA: Johnny Scopes died, didn't he? PIZ: Yeah, but Desmond has the backing tapes with Johnny's vocals, so he plays all the My Pretty Pony songs along to the tapes. It's just awesome. I mean this guy is like one of my all-time heroes. And I can get tickets if you-you maybe want to... VERONICA: Yeah. Maybe. Um...I'll see. I got to run. I'm late. Veronica hurries away. He watches her go. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, BUSINESS CLASS - DAY. A pointer is on a small poster which described the technology of the Shoe Storage System. DONALDSON: ...as you can clearly see. The camera pulls back to show the student giving the presentation. DONALDSON: And finally, consider this. Do you know anyone who doesn't wear shoes? Logan, sitting at the back of the class with Dick, is bored silly. PROFESSOR CORRIGAN: Very nice, Donaldson. As Donaldson retrieves his materials, the professor steps back up to the front of the classroom, consulting his class list. PROFESSOR CORRIGAN: So... Logan puts his head down. PROFESSOR CORRIGAN: Logan Echolls. What have you got for us? Dick smirks as Logan squirms. LOGAN: Uh, actually, I was hoping I could present my business plan on Monday. PROFESSOR CORRIGAN: Why am I not surprised? He glares at Logan and makes a note on his clipboard. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL - DAY. The lift dings and the doors open. Piz, Desmond Fellows and Jeff Ratner exit. Piz is carrying a plastic cup. Jeff is pushing the luggage trolley. PIZ: I didn't get the chance to say this on the way over, but I was the biggest My Pretty Pony fan. DESMOND: Sweet. Hey, that's my drink, right? Piz hands him the cup. PIZ: Uh, yeah, tonic and ice. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, DESMOND'S SUITE - DAY. Having reached the room, Piz and Jeff watch Desmond as he pours four miniature bottles of vodka into the cup. Jeff gives Piz a disapproving sidelong glance. PIZ: Hope this is okay. Nicest place in Neptune. All the amenities. Desmond turns and takes a large gulp from the cup. He looks at Jeff, waiting patiently. DESMOND: What's he still doing here? JEFF: Waiting for the tip. It's a customary thing...in America. Desmond sighs, puts down the cup, and checks his pockets, coming up empty save for a napkin. He grabs a pen and signs it. He holds it out to Jeff. DESMOND: There you are, my good man. That'll get you twenty bones on eBay. JEFF: Why? DESMOND: I'm Desmond Fellows. With all the disdain he can muster, Jeff turns away and exits. DESMOND: Obviously, he's not cool. Desmond throws the napkin onto the room bar top. DESMOND: We'll leave that for the room-service guy. Desmond grabs his backpack. DESMOND: You know what, Fez? I'm pretty beat. He grabs the cup and heads for the suite's bedroom. DESMOND: Why don't you go out, see if you can't grab us a few of those old mini bottles off of a cart? That'll be great. I'm just gonna catch some z's. Opening the door, a woman in animal print underwear is revealed to be on the bed, upright on her knees. BLACKCAT70: Surprise. Desmond looks at the woman, and then back at Piz. DESMOND: Whoa. You really do have all the amenities. Desmond happily enters the room but when he gets inside and gets a closer look, he is taken aback to see the woman, though attractive, is no spring chicken. BLACKCAT70: You said "Surprise me," so...surprise. DESMOND: Right. Wh-...I sai-...Who are you? BLACKCAT70: Um... BlackCat70. [growling, with a clawing gesture] Arr! All the e-mails? "Surprise me when I'm in town." DESMOND: Uh...that was you? The woman's confidence evaporates in the light of Desmond's obvious disappointment. BLACKCAT70: Oh, my God. DESMOND: Right. The woman hurries to find her clothes. DESMOND: Misunderstanding. BLACKCAT70: Yeah. Desmond puts down the cup and the backpack and then leaves the room to give her privacy. He shuts the doors and looks helplessly at Piz. Cut to a few moments later. Desmond is on the couch, flicking through TV channels with the remote. TV: Thunder is starting...are so cluttered...here we're drying apples. Apples for apple sn-...going to be Gabriel's Thunder. Ramone Goose is a double tonight.... As he settles on horse racing, the woman marches out of the bedroom. DESMOND: Sorry. Do come see the show. She pauses by Piz as she leaves. BLACKCAT70: Advice? Never meet your idol. DESMOND: More advice? Always confirm the accuracy of photos. Piz, embarrassed by the whole thing, nods. Desmond switches off the TV and gets up from the sofa. DESMOND: So you said there was a beach? He disappears into the bedroom. PIZ: Uh, yeah. More than one. DESMOND: Yeah. Or we could forget the beach. Go to Mexico. Get really weird. PIZ: Uh, Mexico. I-I'm not sure we can do. Desmond comes out of the bedroom, carrying his backpack. DESMOND: Show's off, so why not? PIZ: W-what? W-why? DESMOND: All the backing tapes and stuff used to be in this bag. Now it contains only this. He pulls out a deep blue towelling robe. Piz stares at him, horrified. Opening credits. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY. Music: "Power" by Shapes of Race Cars. LYRICS: Electric telephone Here's another miss This dirty girl is blown The final kiss Boom, boom Those lights affect her eyes Don't tell 'em what you did Go goldmine, it's show time She says she tastes good in your kiss You're ready, like many To feel a power just like this Her favourite word is mine You gotta light out when Like the girl in Frankenstein You know she's going...in Yo, goldmine, it's your time Veronica and Mac are at one of the food counters. Veronica leans back against it, waiting for Mac to order. MAC: Is the eggplant good? SPAGHETTI SERVER: It's okay. MAC: How about that stuff? SPAGHETTI SERVER: It's good. MAC: It's probably horrible for you, right? I'll stay with the-the eggplant. No, wait. What do you think? Veronica throws back her head at Mac's indecision. MAC: I need to see a psychiatrist. VERONICA: I was thinking more an English professor. Mac stares at her with incomprehension. VERONICA: What we're dealing with here is an absurd level of symbolism. Veronica turns to the spaghetti server. VERONICA: Two veggie lasagnas. SPAGHETTI SERVER: Okay. MAC: Symbolism. VERONICA: I mean, the Bronson parmesan is good for me, but oh! The maxuccine looks awfully tempting. MAC: It's not my fault Max won't stop calling. Like you should talk. VERONICA: Me? I'm not ordering good boy while wishing I ordered bad boy. MAC: No. You gave up bad boy but keep asking for samples of good boy. VERONICA: No. I...wait, what? Veronica is saved from further comment when her phone starts ringing. She digs it out of her pocket. She checks the caller ID. MAC: Okay, if Logan is the fettuccine... VERONICA: It's the eggplant. Veronica answers the call. VERONICA: Piz. Actually, I wanted to talk to you, too. I...need to apologise. At the party, I was irresponsible. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, DESMOND'S SUITE - CONTINUING. VERONICA: [on phone] I think we should file the party away and just be friends...for now. PIZ: Uh, I kind of got that. I'm actually calling 'cause I need help with a case thing. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY. Veronica cringes on hearing her pre-emptive strike was unnecessary. VERONICA: Oh. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL - DAY. Veronica paces in the lobby, waiting for the lift which finally arrives. The doors opens and Logan steps out, passing her as she steps in. He turns back and they stare at each other. VERONICA: Hey. LOGAN: Hey. They are both smiling awkwardly until Veronica pushes the button for her destination. The lift doors start to close, but Logan jumps back in just before they do. VERONICA: Forget something? LOGAN: No, just saying hi. I haven't seen you since Parker's party. What brings you here? VERONICA: Oh, just...a case thing. LOGAN: Huh. Actually, can I ask you something? Veronica nods. LOGAN: The weekend that you almost got your head shaved, your dad said you were staying at Wallace's. Well, it was just you and Piz, huh? VERONICA: Yes, but, no. No. I mean, I slept in Wallace's bed, and it was just a place to stay. Nothing was- Further explanation is interrupted by the ping of the lift as it arrives at its destination. Piz is waiting. PIZ: Oh, thank god you're here. He sees Logan. PIZ: Uh...hey. It's all very awkward. Veronica breaks the standoff by exiting the lift to join Piz. LOGAN: Hey. She turns back to him. LOGAN: Good luck. Veronica smiles and nods before walking away as the doors close. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, DESMOND'S SUITE - DAY. Piz shows Veronica into the suite. PIZ: Empty. Just a hotel robe stuck in there to make it look full. Look, without those tapes, he can't- Desmond is on the couch, staring at a miniature bottle. There's a laptop open on the table in front of him. DESMOND: Hey, Pus, this is all we have left, which I won't touch. You need to contact management immediate- He looks up and spots Veronica. DESMOND: Hey, is that your girlfriend? PIZ: Uh, no, just a friend. VERONICA: Veronica. Hi. I'm a really big fan. DESMOND: You're just using him to get to me. Mercenary. I like it. You know what, I'm doing a show tomorrow night. If you want to hang backstage, Monica- PIZ: [quickly] Her dad's a P.I. Uh, she's gonna help us find the woman who took the tapes. DESMOND: Oh, yeah, I think I figured that whole thing out. Come here. He pats the sofa next to him. DESMOND: Check it out. He takes a swig from the miniature as Veronica sits down next to him. Veronica peers at the laptop screen on which there is a picture of a blonde woman. VERONICA: Is that the woman? DESMOND: That was my mistake. That's BlackCat80. The woman in my room was BlackCat70. Number trouble. VERONICA: Uh, so, do you have any pictures of the woman who was in your room? Desmond sighs resignedly. He ogles Veronica. DESMOND: No. Anyone ever tell you you look like a feisty young Barbara Eden? VERONICA: How did she know you'd be here? DESMOND: How old are you, Monica? VERONICA: I'm eleven. You arranged this how? DESMOND: Instant messaging. But I didn't save any of the... Veronica leans forward and starts tapping on the keys confidently. DESMOND: Wow. All business. Deadly. Piz grins as Veronica pulls up an instant messaging log. It shows messages from BlackCat70 and BlackCat80. DESMOND: Yeah, there she is: BlackCat70. Veronica opens one of the messages. His instant messaging name is PrettyPony01 and the following chat at 10:42 pm is recorded: BlackCat70: Hey there, stallion. Did you miss me? PrettyPony01: haha. hey kitty. sure i missed you BlackCat70: "sure i missed you"? A girl likes to hear a little more than that,... PrettyPony01: sorry. i missed you a lot. is that better? BlackCat70: Hmph. Not very convincing, but I guess it will have to do. PrettyPony01: sorry. long day. BlackCat70: I bet it was... maybe I should come over and help you re... DESMOND: It's a shame she was so old. She seemed cool. He takes another swig. VERONICA: So, you didn't get her name? He shakes his head. DESMOND: Just BlackCat70. VERONICA: What's that? Veronica points to the end of the chat where BlackCat70 has used a Chinese character to sign off. DESMOND: She try and draw herself? VERONICA: It's a Chinese character. PIZ: I know a couple guys taking Chinese. We could ask them. VERONICA: It's a start. Was there anything in the bag? DESMOND: Just medications, pills. VERONICA: What are you taking pills for? DESMOND: Ah, you know. Life. Veronica nods, unimpressed. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - DAY. Music: "Ghost Ride It" by Mistah F.A.B. Dick, his toe bandaged, is lounging on the sofa, a laptop on his lap. Logan enters from his bedroom and collapses with a sigh onto the couch at the other end. LOGAN: You ever have that nightmare where you forget you're taking a class and you have to take the final? DICK: No. LOGAN: I have to come up with an entire business plan by Monday. DICK: Dude, that's a bummer. Dick, far more interested in the video he is watching on screen, laughs. DICK: Oh! Logan looks over from where he is lying to see what he is doing. LOGAN: What are you doing? DICK: Getting famous. Logan rolls off the couch and moves to sit next to Dick. LOGAN: Who is that? DICK: Dude, that's me. Ghost ridin' the whip! Check it out. Logan peers down at the screen. The page on screen is GhostRideTheVideo.com. Amongst the adverts, there's a video playing of Dick getting out of a small yellow sports car that is moving. He dances alongside the car. Logan laughs. Onscreen, and sadly obscured by a tree, the car runs over Dick's foot, causing the dance to become a brief hop. Dick comes to a stop as the car rolls on. Logan looks down at Dick's foot. All the toes on his right foot are bruised, and the big toe and the one next to it are strapped up together. LOGAN: You run over your own foot? DICK: Yeah, which is why I think I have a real shot at the top of the charts. Logan, having picked up the laptop looks down the page at the adverts. LOGAN: This is something people do? DICK: Cool people. Logan nods as he gets to the bottom of the page, one that records 521570 hits. He clicks on the bottom ad for Pitwa Hydroponics and watches intently. End music: "Ghost Ride It" by Mistah F.A.B. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MAC AND PARKER'S DORM ROOM - DAY. The door opens. Mac and Bronson enter, Mac groaning with exhaustion. They walk straight to the bed. Bronson is carrying a Frisbee. BRONSON: You did good for your first time. Next time, it'll be easier. MAC: The next and last time I run will be to chase down and kill the inventor of Ultimate Frisbee. Mac's phone rings. Bronson throws his shoes off as she answers it. MAC: Hello? Hey, Logan. Parker's not here. Me? INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY. The conversation continues at one of the tables in the Food Court. MAC: Grade My Ass. LOGAN: Dot net, yes. Logan drops a bundle of papers on the table in front of her which she picks up and starts to flick through. LOGAN: I need to present a viable business plan for a class. I need a lowest-common-denominator website with a simple, interactive element that I can build a business plan around. You can put this together in your sleep. I'll pay. MAC: And the catch? LOGAN: It's due Monday morning. MAC: I'll need red bull and liquorice. LOGAN: Deal. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, RADIO STATION - DAY. Desmond is clearly bored to tears as he readies himself for his on-air interview. Trish is at the production desk. PIZ: You're on the air with Desmond Fellows of My Pretty Pony, playing a benefit tomorrow night at Liberty Lunch, brought to you by Wrigley's Extra Gum. Piz punches a button as Desmond's face scrunches up. PIZ: Okay, caller, are you there? DESMOND: Their leftover gum? Piz is momentarily flummoxed. PIZ: The brand. He picks up the sponsor's product as an explanation. PIZ: Extra Gum. Sugarless. Piz coughs and quickly gets back to business. PIZ: Okay, caller, are you there? BLONDE FEMALE CALLER: Desmond, you rock. Make sure you play "You Break Me" tomorrow, okay? DESMOND: Oh, yeah. All the old hit. You bet. Desmond looks up and out onto the Food Court through the glass window of the studio. He sees a girl with dark red-hair (notwithstanding the closing credit writers calling her "Blonde Female Caller") sitting at one of the tables, her cell phone to her ear, staring at him. DESMOND: Hey, are you that redhead out in the Food Court? She smiles and gives a little wave. Piz gives a little wave back, until... DESMOND: How do you feel about showing me those big old- ...when he cuts the call off. Desmond mines "chest" by sticking his out at her. She is mortally offended. PIZ: Okay! Uh...second caller, you're on with Desmond. MALE CALLER: Dude, you suck. DESMOND: Oh, hey, thanks a lot, man. So, what's your question? MALE CALLER: You scrounge money off the memory of your dead partner. Piz and Desmond glance at each other. Piz shrugs. MALE CALLER: How do you live with yourself? DESMOND: Well, I drink heavily, and I abuse drugs. MALE CALLER: Hack! Piz quickly terminates that call as well. PIZ: Moving on. You're on with-with Desmond. MALE CALLER #2: I'm calling from Semites for the Saviour. We want everyone to know this man makes songs that mock our religious beliefs. DESMOND: You're a Jewish group, and your initials are S.S.? Piz cringes. PIZ: Oh, God. MALE CALLER #2: We encourage everyone to pray with us that he cancels the show and- DESMOND: "Nazi" gonna happen. No, don't worry about it. The show's cancelling itself. In the background, Trish rises with alarm and stares at them. DESMOND: I would pray, instead, for a girlfriend. Piz is trying to silently reassure Trish, so Desmond takes it on himself to lean forward and punch the button to end the call and bring up the next one, much to Piz's surprise. DESMOND: Hey, what's up? It's Des. MALE CALLER #3: Dude, party. Piz rolls his eyes. MALE CALLER #3: Miller Hall, room 404, tonight. Desmond looks at Piz. DESMOND: Got a pen? Cut to later as Desmond and Piz exit the studio into the radio station's office. Desmond fakes enthusiasm... DESMOND: That was great. ...only to quickly drop the act. DESMOND: Home, please. Piz starts to follow him out, but is called back. Desmond busies himself with checking out the shelves of LPs. TRISH: Piz? What did he mean, "Cancelling itself"? PIZ: It's nothing. He just misplaced the backing tapes. It's no big deal. TRISH: You know what happens if we have to cancel this show. DESMOND: Plax! Come on, I'm missing Night Court. Piz gives Trish an apologetic gesture and then follows him out. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Keith's name graces the door to the sheriff's office. Within the office, Keith throws some files down on his desk in frustration and shouts out. KEITH: Sacks! He marches to the door, still shouting. KEITH: Where are those drug stats? Keith pauses when he sees Sacks at the counter. SACKS: Sheriff. Sacks steps aside, revealing the person he has been speaking to at the counter. KEITH: Leo. LEO: Sheriff Mars. KEITH: What brings you around here? They shake hands. LEO: I was hoping I could have a word with you. Cut to a moment later in Keith's office as they take their seats. KEITH: What have you been up to, Leo? LEO: Doing security at Sport Haus, which is what I wanted to talk to you about. I was on the afternoon shift, and I noticed one of the stock guys acting kind of weird, making calls from the pay phone across the street, taking the occasional photo of the floors, back offices on the cell phone. KEITH: What, like he's casing the joint? LEO: Kind of. And I noticed a new name on the cleaning-crew roster. Danny Boyd. KEITH: Fitzpatrick flunky. LEO: I tell my supervisor my concerns. He says he'll look into it. Next day, I'm switched to a new shift. Something's not right. KEITH: Danny Boyd, huh? I'm friendly with a judge who might give me a tap on Boyd's phone. You stay put, and I'll see what I can do. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Veronica and Piz walk together down an external stairway. VERONICA: What I want to know is how did that guy write cool, insightful songs? Or did Johnny do the good ones? PIZ: Desmond wrote all the good ones. I think he's just tired. I mean, he's been on the road all spring and he's- INT - HEARST COLLEGE - CONTINUING. They walk through a door into a classroom. Two students are waiting for them. VINCENT: We got class in five minutes, so... PIZ: Veronica: Vincent, Marty. I figured, between them, they'd know. Veronica pulls a sheet of paper from her bag. It's a print of the end of the instant message: PrettyPony01: i know i could...question is, what would hap... BlackCat70: Ooo, then I would lick, nuzzle and moan like ne... PrettyPony01: i'll be expecting that BlackCat70: Ready whenever you are. BlackCat70: Sorry to cut our sexy convo short, but I must depa... BlackCat70: [Chinese symbol] PrettyPony01: sweet dreams to you too ... night VERONICA: Ugh, we need to figure out what that means. Vincent takes the paper and peers at it, Marty looking from his side. Behind them, a woman walks towards the blackboard at the front of the class. VINCENT: So, this represents... MARTY: Um... VINCENT: What's the word? It's like a pleasing quality, you know? MARTY: Right, right. VINCENT: Like...charming. MARTY: Or-or-or more. It's a spiritual quality, but like charming or effortless. It's a...God! VINCENT: I got it! Grace. Grace. MARTY: Right, yeah. Behind them, the woman at the blackboard turns around in surprise. PROFESSOR SCHAFFER: What? She and Piz recognise each other and she swallows hard. Cut to few moments later. The classroom is beginning to fill up. Veronica, Piz and Grace Schaffer talk quietly at the front and side of the room. PROFESSOR SCHAFFER: Look guys, what is there to say? I was a huge Pretty Pony fan. Desmond and I exchanged messages. And believe it or not, I wasn't always a boring associate professor of Chinese. I was once...rather wild. PIZ: Was? You climbed down from the room above on a sheet. VERONICA: We're not the wild patrol. We just need his stuff back. PROFESSOR SCHAFFER: What stuff? VERONICA: From his bag...that you took after- PROFESSOR SCHAFFER: I didn't take anything. VERONICA: You were the only one alone with his backpack. He was a jerk, so- PROFESSOR SCHAFFER: [emphatically] I didn't take anything of his. VERONICA: [urgently] Professor Schaffer, the situation is life-and-death. There was medication in there, which Desmond needs...to live. PROFESSOR SCHAFFER: Oh, my God. Is he okay? I'll cancel my class. Um, o-okay, we'll call my doctor. What's he missing? EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Cut to moments later again. Veronica and Piz, having left the classroom, are walking across the campus. PIZ: So you believe her? VERONICA: I kind of do. She would have given a kidney to Desmond had he asked. Veronica spots something of interest on a nearby notice board and walks towards it. VERONICA: Who was that guy who called praying Desmond's show was cancelled? Amongst the notices is one for Semites for the Saviour. Under the organisation's name is "Stop Desmond Fellows." An emergency meeting is being called for the next day at Hadley Hall, Rm 131. PIZ: Semites for the Saviour. Veronica reaches for it and pulls it off the notice board. VERONICA: Maybe they heard that God is now helping those that help themselves. PIZ: Huh. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - NIGHT. Mac grabs a can of drink from the table that abuts the back of the couch. Logan is pacing with his notes. Dick is observing. MAC: So, look-wise, you're thinking bright, fun, simple. Mac sits down in front of her laptop. LOGAN: Well, accessible. Quick loading to maximize click-throughs. DICK: Don't put the best asses at the top. Make people hunt for 'em. Logan takes a seat next to Mac. LOGAN: I compiled studies of browsing behaviours and drew up ratios of- DICK: But you don't want them too hidden. If you can't find the good ones, you'll feel cheated. Mac looks at Logan. MAC: And his role in this enterprise? DICK: Consultant. I'm an ass expert. LOGAN: Yes, except for the expert part. Mac smirks. DICK: I'm an ass? Who would you ask for advice about lions, a lion or a gerbil? Gerbil, you say? No, you would ask a lion, because by virtue of being a lion, a lion is an expert on lions. So... Having glanced at each other in bemusement, they stare at him. DICK: Okay. I don't see how you hope to launch a website about hot asses without me, but fine. It's Friday night. If I walk long enough in a straight line, I'll hit a party. Disgruntled at their ingratitude, he gets up from his seat and heads for the door. Logan nods his approval. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, DESMOND'S SUITE - NIGHT. Desmond, wearing a "Working Class Hero" T-shirt, has a small keyboard on the coffee table at which he is playing half-heartedly as the news is playing on the TV in the background. ANCHOR PERSON: State legislators will meet later in the week to discuss a bill banning the sale of condoms in convenience stores within a six block radius of any public... Desmond looks up as Piz enters, shutting the door behind him. DESMOND: I take it you failed. Piz sinks down on the opposite couch to Desmond and sighs. PIZ: We found the groupie, but she said she didn't take the tapes. We have some other leads. Desmond starts playing and after an intro sings an impromptu song. DESMOND: We'll find the tapes And get them back Do the show And I'm a ha-a-a-a-ck Piz is captivated. Desmond rises from the sofa. DESMOND: Party time. What to wear? PIZ: Whoa-whoa, what was that? The song? DESMOND: That? Nothing. It's a...thing. PIZ: No, it's cool. It reminds me of the demo on the Wild Parties reissue. Desmond holds up two jackets. DESMOND: Indie rock or rock rock? Rock rock. He puts on the selected jacket and gazes in the mirror. DESMOND: 'Cause the bad boys get the chicks. I mean, look at you. You're single, and you're very nice, Pez. There's a correlation. PIZ: Do you still write stuff? DESMOND: Well, people want to hear the old hits, so, no. PIZ: What about the one you just played? That was a cool song. DESMOND: There's no bridge. Who cares, anyway, you know? I play the old hits, I get paid, go to parties. If it ain't broke... PIZ: It's gonna be a lame party. DESMOND: Really? I should go to Mexico. PIZ: I mean, if you stayed here and worked on the song, you wouldn't miss much. He turns back to Piz reluctantly. DESMOND: My stuff's locked up in the club. PIZ: I got a guitar in my room. Desmond takes a long look at himself in the mirror. DESMOND: [softly] Well, if it's gonna be a lame party, maybe. PIZ: I'll be back in fifteen minutes, okay? Piz gets up and races out of the room. Slowly, Desmond walks back to the couch and sits down in front of the keyboard. ANCHOR PERSON: ...78-year-old woman neighbour opened the door, pointed a shotgun at them, and then chased the girl scout and her father off her property with the loaded weapon. And finally, a blast from the past. Having been about to play, his head jerks to the screen. ANCHOR PERSON: After ten years in the "where are they now?" file, Desmond Fellows appears tomorrow to give fans of cult fave My Pretty Pony a taste of what they've been missing. A clip of My Pretty Pony singing "Payday" (actually Cotton Mather) comes onscreen, comprising Desmond and the late Johnny Scopes (played by the uncredited Rob Thomas). Both have very long hair. MY PRETTY PONY: And back at work They still love you So why does it still feel Like your interview? Payday, and your money's All that matters now You're complaining That you don't know how ANCHOR PERSON: When we come back, a household item that could be dangerous to your pets and children... Desmond grows increasingly jaded as he watches. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, PARTY ROOM - NIGHT. Music: "No Emotion" by Idlewild. LYRICS: So we speak no louder than a song Means we're falling all day Falling all day long In whatever we say we show no emotion We show no emotion And when we kick back into the world of motion We show, we show no emotion Whatever we say we show no emotion Desmond drains a bottle of beer as he props up a wall. Dick is standing next to him. The sounds of a wild party are going on around them. DESMOND: Sorry about that one. Go. DICK: Drew Barrymore. DESMOND: Yeah. DICK: Rose McGowan. DESMOND: Ooh. Yes. DICK: Jennifer Love Hewitt. DESMOND: Twice. DICK: Dude, you are my idol. Desmond is unexcited by Dick's idolatry. DICK: Who are you? End music: "No Emotion" by Idlewild. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, DESMOND'S SUITE - NIGHT. Piz arrives back at Desmond's suite carrying his guitar. He sees the suite is empty and sighs deeply in disappointment. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - NIGHT. Veronica and Wallace are in the near-empty Food Court. WALLACE: So, you surviving? VERONICA: Surviving what? WALLACE: Helping Piz. You know, his puppy-dog eyes on you all the time. VERONICA: It's weird. Like you said, normal Piz. Like...nothing ever happened. WALLACE: Which bothers you because making out with you is supposed to be some life-changing experience. VERONICA: I don't know. I just... Why are we talking about this? WALLACE: I thought you loved these kind of conversations. Veronica takes a bite of food. VERONICA: No. WALLACE: I was hoping we could follow it up with a cuteness countdown of the Baldwin brothers. VERONICA: I hope we're still friends after I taser you. Wallace chuckles. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - NIGHT. Mac and Logan are sitting side by side on the couch, the laptop open on the ottoman in front of them. Behind the laptop is a large jar of red liquorice. MAC: This is totally modular. You can swap out content whenever. LOGAN: Like franchisable. MAC: You want to do boobs, legs, kittens, whatever, you can have a new site up and going instantly. LOGAN: And bring your advertisers along. Okay, we'll sell that in the pitch. So the difference between income models would be what? MAC: Eh. Not exactly my hacker forte. Information wants to be free. But I know someone who kind of knows. LOGAN: Well, could we call this someone? Mac stares at Logan for a long moment. Her nod is almost imperceptible. She grab her phone. MAC: Max? Yeah, hi. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, PARTY ROOM - NIGHT. Music: Unknown. Piz hits the party and looks around anxiously for Desmond. DESMOND: Buzz! Bizen! Desmond is in the middle of an appreciative crowd. DESMOND: Dude, you're in time! We're going skinny-dipping! Desmond throws his arm in the air and everyone cheers. Piz sighs in frustration. EXT - NEPTUNE BEACH - NIGHT. The party has moved to the beach. Desmond addresses the adoring crowd. DESMOND: Okay, the key to good skinny-dipping is...what I call total nakedness. He pulls off his jacket and throws it at Piz. DESMOND: It's not just physical nakedness but spiritual, as well. He unbuckles and drops his pants to the laughs of the crowd. DESMOND: La Paz, capital of Bolivia... He pulls off his t-shirt, throwing that at Piz too. DESMOND: Get weird, man! Naked, he throws up his arms. DESMOND: This is my lifestyle! He turns and runs into the water. DESMOND: Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo! Whoo! One of the girls on the beach pulls off her own t-shirt, revealing her bare back. Desmond reaches the water and starts to splash around. DESMOND: Whoo-hoo-hoo! Piz can only watch helplessly. DESMOND: God, in his heaven, it's freezing. The laughter on the beach comes to an abrupt halt when Sacks turns his vehicles spotlight on them. The crowd scatter, leaving only Piz. In the water, Desmond is shaking. DESMOND: Oh, my God, I don't recommend this! Sacks turns the spotlight on the water. By now, Desmond has climbed out of the water and grabbed a bottle. He squints in the brightness. DESMOND: Hey, man, want to turn that off? It really kills the mood. End music: Unknown. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - NIGHT. Keith is standing outside the jail cell. Desmond, now dressed, is sitting on the bunk inside. KEITH: "Hey, Jude," "Yesterday," "Get Back." DESMOND: [agitated] Catchy tunes, yes. Rock 'n' roll, no. KEITH: What kind of musician doesn't recognize the Beatles as the greatest rock band of all time? DESMOND: I don't recognize them as a rock band at all. Veronica and Piz arrive and watch the debate quietly. DESMOND: They were...tunesmiths. He grins. Keith is fit to bust. Desmond gets up and walks to the bars. DESMOND: Hey, man, I didn't get all pissy when you denied my claim that Marshal Dillon was the greatest sheriff of all time. KEITH: Marshal Dillon was a marshal and, more importantly, is fictional. DESMOND: That's what the Beatles are to me. Fictional. KEITH: "Revolution," "Hey, Jude," these were real songs, man. "Norwegian Wood." Desmond giggles. DESMOND: I...sorry. I'm sorry. I used to know a rent boy from Oslo who called himself that. PIZ: Uh, Mr. Mars, I think Desmond is just winding you up. Most critics reference the Beatles influence in Desmond's material. DESMOND: Oh, you mean those Beatles. I'm sorry. I thought you meant the other ones with the two e's from the lower East Side. No, they're totally fictional. John, Paul, George, and the drummer? Oh, those guys are awesome. KEITH: Veronica, could you have Sacks bring me the leg irons? VERONICA: Come on, Dad. [soothingly] Let it be. Veronica puts her hands together to beg her father, who has not enjoyed being wound up, to calm himself. Keith looks back angrily at Desmond and sighs. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - NIGHT. Mac and Max are side by side on the couch, intent on the laptop screen. Logan is opposite them, leaning against the bar counter, drinking a cup of coffee. MAX: Here's what I did on my term-paper site. Break it down. For the lazy, search and credit button there. For the dumb, billable links at the top disguised as functions. MAC: So they link without realizing. MAX: And I make a dollar. See, the point of the internet is to make money off stupid people. LOGAN: I like how you think, Max. MAC: That sound you hear is my idealism quietly shattering. MAX: That other sound you hear is my cynicism laughing at your idealism shattering. MAC: Well, it won't be laughing when I crash your greedy website. MAX: I'll be laughing when you try. Logan rolls his eyes at the foreplay. MAC: Will you? Maybe I'm in your trusted host table already. LOGAN: Should I get a camera? There's got to be someone that'll pay to see this hot nerd-on-nerd action. The two look guilty and hurriedly return their attention to the screen. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, HADLEY HALL, RM131 - DAY. GEORGE: Welcome to Semites for the Saviour. Veronica and Piz arrive at the door of a slowing filling classroom where the chairs have been set round in a circle. A guy is at the door, giving out leaflets to the arrivals. VERONICA: Hi. GEORGE: Shalom. VERONICA: Who's in charge here? GEORGE: Me. You guys interested in joining? PIZ: No. VERONICA: Yes, we are. And we want to know what you guys are doing to try and stop that Desmond Fellows show. GEORGE: That guy? Well, we sent a sternly worded letter to the dean's office. And we also called- VERONICA: Realistically. Like a real way to, you know...take care of it. Glancing around the room, Piz spots something of interest. PIZ: Veronica. VERONICA: Yeah? Piz points. Veronica looks. Jeff Ratner is sitting in one of the chairs, chatting to a girl standing next to him. PIZ: That was the bellboy who showed Desmond and me to the room. VERONICA: Rrrratner. Jeff looks up at her as she approaches. JEFF: Oh, great. What are you gonna accuse me of this time? Veronica strokes her chin. VERONICA: How about...stealing Desmond Fellows' backing tapes? Jeff claps. JEFF: Congratulations. Wrong again. VERONICA: You had Desmond's bags in your possession. Veronica holds up the leaflet George gave her as she arrived. VERONICA: You're a member of a group protesting his presence. That, to me, is a thing that makes you go, "hmm?" JEFF: What's the thing that makes you go away? I didn't know who that guy was until George told me. PIZ: Who else could have put the hotel robe in there? You had access. JEFF: What robe? PIZ: The big, blue hotel robe in the bag. Veronica's eyes widen. Jeff looks at her smugly. VERONICA: You said it was a Neptune Grand robe. PIZ: Yeah. A fluffy blue robe. JEFF: Neptune Grand robes aren't- VERONICA: Blue. JEFF: They're white. Veronica digests this as Jeff continues to smirk at her. VERONICA: Okay. I'm apologising. I'm sorry for thinking you were guilty. JEFF: [snotty and superior] I don't accept your apology. VERONICA: I'll live. [SCENE_BREAK] INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, DESMOND'S SUITE - DAY. Desmond opens the door to Veronica and Piz. VERONICA: So, can I see the bag and the robe? Desmond gestures for them to enter. Cut to a moment later. Desmond brings the backpack and the robe out from the bedroom. VERONICA: Right. Not a Neptune Grand robe. Veronica takes the backpack and examines it. DESMOND: So, what? That's a clue? What kind? PIZ: Nothing else was in there. Veronica pulls the address card out of the pocket on the side of the inside of the backpack. She reads it. DESMOND: So...did you solve it? VERONICA: Yes. Veronica presses the small card to her forehead, a la Johnny Carson's Carnac. VERONICA: The answer is Danny Cleaver's bag and all my time this weekend. Desmond is clueless (ha!) and raises his eyebrows. VERONICA: What are two things you didn't mean to take but did? DESMOND: Huh? VERONICA: This isn't your bag. You must have switched at the airport with Danny Cleaver. The card in her hand says, "Danny Cleaver, 937 22nd Street, Los Angeles, Ca. 90068, 323-555-0109." VERONICA: It's a Los Angeles phone number, and the show is in four hours, so...we should have your tapes back right on time. Veronica grabs the robe and turns to leave. Piz follows her. EXT - LOS ANGELES STREET - NIGHT. Veronica and Piz exit the Saturn and run up the steps of a house. Veronica knocks. A man opens the door. VERONICA: Danny Cleaver? Did you happen to notice that your backpack was full of tapes? DANNY: I've been kind of hung over. My bags are still in the car. EXT - IN THE CAR - NIGHT. Veronica and Piz are back in the car, heading back to Neptune. Piz is checking Desmond's backpack the contents of which include a bottle of pills and something wrapped in foil that could be drugs...or thin chocolate. PIZ: How does this guy make it through airport security? They chuckle. Piz pulls out a CD which is entitled "My Pretty Pony, 96' 'More Problems,' Back-up vocals, Johnny Scopes." PIZ: Johnny's vocals from More Problems. Okay, this album, my freshman year of high school, I had a job washing dishes at a nursing home, but all the boss did was talk about bar fights and weird sexual encounters. VERONICA: How weird? PIZ: Worst year of my life. But an off-brand mp3 player and this album got me through it. VERONICA: When I was on dance team, I tried to convince them to do a routine to "Why You Shot Me Down," but changed the words to "We Threw a Touchdown." PIZ: Wait, you were, uh...you were on a dance team? VERONICA: I was a dance-teamer with a deep soul. PIZ: Hmm. VERONICA: Plus, I thought Desmond was cute. Who knew he'd turn out to be such a wastoid lech? PIZ: I don't think he's always been like that. Still, it's gonna be a good show. I'm glad we saved it. Good thing I got the nerve to call you. VERONICA: Why wouldn't you have called? PIZ: You know. I thought it might be awkward. Me and you... After, uh...that. VERONICA: Yeah. They laugh uncomfortably. VERONICA: I'm glad it's not. Awkward. PIZ: Oh, it is. No, I'm very uncomfortable. I thought I'd be even more uncomfortable. They laugh more genuinely. Piz continues to go through the bag and pulls out another CD. It has a handwritten label: "New Crap." Veronica glances over at it. VERONICA: "New Crap"? What album was that? Piz takes it out and puts it in the Saturn's CD player. PIZ: This is not an album. He said he'd been working on some new stuff. He actually, uh...he played some stuff for me. It was pretty cool. They listen to the music (which is Paul Rudd singing Cotton Mather's "My Before and After"). DESMOND: She picked me out of the millions Thumbing an O.E.D. Dressed me down to civilian Cracks the code on the Rosetta Stone Says the word for alone is "alone" As they listen, Piz finds a notebook where Desmond has written lyrics for songs entitled "A Season in Hell" and "Delirium." Piz's expression shows he approves. EXT - SPORTS HAUS - NIGHT. A truck is pulled up at the delivery door. LEO: [offscreen] That truck isn't supposed to be here. KEITH: [offscreen] They're getting an early start. The camera pulls back to reveal Keith and Leo pulling up in a car. LEO: What? Having parked, Keith reaches for the camera in the back seat. Using the camera's zoom lens, he focuses on the door and sees Danny Boyd exit the store carrying on end of a long, heavy box. KEITH: It's happening now. Those are guns. Danny's carrying partner disappears from view and is followed by another pair carrying another box of guns. The tail end of that pair is Vinnie Van Lowe. KEITH: Jeez. Vinnie? He was their man getting the security layout? Leo nods. LEO: How do we play it? Keith puts the camera back on the back seat and grabs his phone. KEITH: Wait for backup. Keith speaks into the phone. KEITH: Yeah, Sacks, it's me. I'm at Sport Haus and there's a robbery in progress. Get some cars down here. Keith swaps the phone for the camera again and continues to watch events through the lens. He sees Danny and the others go back into the store. Vinnie lags behind and stays outside, closing and bolting the door on them. Vinnie puts a padlock on the door. KEITH: What the hell? Keith watches as Vinnie pulls out and uses his cell phone. Almost immediately, Keith's phone rings. KEITH: Yeah? SACKS: [on phone] Someone else just called to report a robbery at Sport Haus. Says he trapped them inside the store. Isn't that where you are? Cut to a few moments later. Vinnie is checking his watch, tapping it and putting it to his ear. He looks up at approaching steps as Keith and Leo arrive. KEITH: Vinnie. What are you doing here? Vinnie holds out his hands innocently. VINNIE: Working for a living. Vinnie, up on the step outside the locked door, crouches down to their level companionably. VINNIE: Owner hired me. He pulls off his fake moustache. VINNIE: Ow! Got wind of some foul play and he brought me in. So I, uh, infiltrated their gang, and... He bangs on the door. There is a response of bangs and shouts from the other side. VINNIE: Sealed with a kiss, Sheriff. VOICES FROM INSIDE: Hey, Vinnie, open the door! Vinnie, open the door! Keith peers at him suspiciously as cars from the sheriff's department arrive. INT - LIBERTY LUNCH - NIGHT. A crowd is gathered at Liberty Lunch. Trish looks out at them with a frown from backstage. She turns and walks down to the dressing room. She puts her hands on her hips at what she sees. TRISH: Are you kidding? Desmond? She is unimpressed with the fact that Desmond is sitting on the couch, downing a bottle of beer. DESMOND: I'm just waiting on the tapes. They should be here any second. TRISH: I never should have let Piz handle this. You know, if we have to refund those tickets- Her further recriminations are halted by the ring of her cell phone. She answers it. TRISH: Piz, where are you? She listens for a moment, then holds the phone out to Desmond. TRISH: It's for you. Desmond takes the phone. DESMOND: Hey, man. Did you get the tapes? EXT - IN THE CAR - CONTINUING. Veronica and Piz are still in the car, although they are stationary. PIZ: Yeah, we got them, but there's a problem. Uh, we're kind of stuck in traffic, and I don't think we'll make it in time. INT - LIBERTY LUNCH - CONTINUING. DESMOND: Oh, man. How long? PIZ: [on phone] There's an accident. I don't know. EXT - IN THE CAR - CONTINUING. Piz glances at Veronica. PIZ: Is there anything you can do until we get there? INT - LIBERTY LUNCH - CONTINUING. Desmond sighs and rubs his head. EXT - IN THE CAR - CONTINUING. PIZ: Did you ever finish any of those new songs? INT - LIBERTY LUNCH - CONTINUING. DESMOND: Um... Maybe a few. EXT - IN THE CAR - CONTINUING. PIZ: Can you start with one of those? INT - LIBERTY LUNCH - CONTINUING. DESMOND: Uh... Let me think about it. Somewhat distressed, Desmond closes up the phone. EXT - IN THE CAR - CONTINUING. VERONICA: You realize you've left your fate in the hands of a spineless and semi-alcoholic has-been rock star. Piz shrugs. PIZ: What are you gonna do? They chuckle and get out of the car. They are actually outside Liberty Lunch and hurry in. INT - LIBERTY LUNCH - NIGHT. Desmond comes onto stage to the applause of the crowd. DESMOND: So, I-I bet you all want to hear some My Pretty Pony hits, huh? The crowd cheer enthusiastically. He looks over at Trish in the wings to check if the tapes have arrived but Trish just shrugs helplessly. Desmond turns back to the crowd. DESMOND: Um...how about some new solo material? The response isn't as enthusiastic although, but for a few boos, it is encouragingly positive. DESMOND: All right, new solo material it is. Desmond starts strumming his guitar and ignores a voice of dissension. VOICE IN THE CROWD: Aw, what's this? Come on, dude! He starts to strum the introduction and then sings the song that Piz and Veronica were listening to in the car. DESMOND: [singing] She picked me out of the millions Thumbing an O.E.D. Dressed me down to civilian Cracks the code on the Rosetta Stone Says the word for alone is "alone" My before and after My before and after My before and after Oh oh oh-oh oh Both the crowd, which starts issuing random "Whoops" and Desmond are really getting into it. DESMOND: [singing] She found that armour was truly Some work of genius She held... Veronica and Piz are standing at the bar, leaning against it, side by side. Veronica glances at Piz and smiles. VERONICA: Piznarski? Piz glances down at her. VERONICA: You're a good guy. He smiles and returns his attention to Desmond. After a beat, Veronica reaches out to take his hand. DESMOND: Said the church of his holiness light This world's no dead and its park-and-ride Piz feels and looks down at their clasped hands. He grins as he watches Desmond. Cut to later (or a very short set of one song) as Desmond finishes to enthusiastic cheers. DESMOND: Thanks for coming. Have a good night! He exits the stage and returns to the dressing room where Trish is waiting. She claps as he enters. DESMOND: Thank you. Desmond puts down his guitar and turns to see Piz and Veronica arriving. DESMOND: Pez, you made it. Hey, were you able to catch the end of the show, at least? PIZ: Yeah, we caught the whole thing. DESMOND: What? Were you screwing with me? PIZ: I wanted to hear the new stuff. It was just...it was awesome. It was awesome. Desmond laughs. DESMOND: You're a bad man, Piznarski. Piz hands over the backpack. Desmond takes it and grins. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - NIGHT. Displayed on the screen is a list: "Income Streams. *Multiple sources *Ad revenue generated by 'click-throughs' *Various incentives for advertisers *'Modular' ability allows for variety of advertisers and socio-economic visitors." At the bottom is the GrabMyAss logo. LOGAN: [tiredly] Is this about right? Logan is sitting on the couch, in front of the screen. Mac is sitting on the floor leaning on the ottoman. She stretches out her arms and yawns. Max is behind Logan, on his feet. MAX: You're all set to fleece idiots. MAC: Thanks for helping us out. Mac grabs her jacket from the ottoman. MAX: Hey, free food. Why not? Just remember, you got to link to me. Max heads for the door. Mac gets up to walk with him. MAC: Sure you want to compromise your reputation on your cheating site with a link to our ass site? MAX: Anything to help you guys out. They chuckle. They pause at the door. MAX: You up for breakfast tomorrow? MAC: I've got to finish up. Rain check. Max nods, smiles and leaves the suite. Mac turns to faces Logan who smirks at her and gives her a knowing look. MAC: What? Logan shrugs. LOGAN: Nothing. INT - LIBERTY LUNCH - NIGHT. PROFESSOR SCHAFFER: [offscreen] Hey. Desmond, gathering up his stuff, looks towards the door. Professor Schaffer takes a step into the room. PROFESSOR SCHAFFER: Uh, you're still kind of a jerk, but...that was kind of incredible. DESMOND: Thank you. They smile. DESMOND: You want to go grab a drink, getaway from all these damn kids? She chuckles. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - DAY. GrabMyAss.net is up and running. Mac gazes on it proudly. MAC: If I do say so, a...mmmm-ass-terpiece." Logan is standing near the window looking out on the balcony, leaning against the wall near a large Chinese cupboard, in contemplative mood. LOGAN: So what's up with Veronica and Piz? She...she, like, dating him or what? Mac is not comfortable with the question. MAC: She's trying to let him down easy. LOGAN: But, like... I don't know. When we were-when we were dating, did they ever...you know? MAC: No more talk of Veronica's love life. Ever. But I will say if you think she was unfaithful, you're an idiot. Logan's not satisfied with this answer and continues to look down in the mouth. Mac snaps shut the laptop. MAC: Now, if you'll excuse me...it's morning. Logan taps his head a few times on the cabinet before pulling himself together. LOGAN: Okay. He walks towards Mac on the couch, pulling out his cheque book. LOGAN: So it's just, what? Just Mac? MAC: Actually, forget the check. How about a 50% stake? Logan grins. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY. Music: "Don't Take My Sunshine Away" by Sparklehorse. LYRICS: Your face is like the sun sinking into the ocean Your face is like watching flowers growing in fast motion All your kisses I swallowed Brightened mornings and hollows My vines and tree knots will come unwound Baby you are my sunshine Mac and Bronson are at one of the tables in the sparsely populated Food Court. BRONSON: So you're part owner. Huh. MAC: Saw his numbers and figured I'd be a millionaire by 2050. Mac smiles slightly, then pauses, her face becoming more serious. MAC: Bronson. BRONSON: Hmm? MAC: I, uh... She lets out a deep breath. MAC: You're a great guy, Bronson. You really are. And I really feel almost insane saying this, but I really think I have to. Bronson senses what's coming and steels himself. MAC: I think we should break up. Bronson shakes his head and frowns. MAC: I just-I think-I think that's how it should be. I'm really, really sorry. Bronson is devastated. End music: "Don't Take My Sunshine Away" by Sparklehorse. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, BUSINESS CLASS - DAY. Logan is doing his presentation. He starts with a picture of Dick lounging on his bed. LOGAN: The average teen spends sixteen hours a week online and clicks on hundreds of links. And in this day and age, someone is there to make a percentage on each click. What does the average teenager want to see? He clicks the remote to bring up the next picture. It's an ass. The class erupts with cheers and whoops, Dick contributing loudly with a "Yeah!" Professor Corrigan, sitting amongst the students is not nearly so impressed. LOGAN: The female posterior. It commands a huge slice of the average surfer's online attention. Our goal is to take that tiny percentage... Logan brings up the next image, of the website home page, but Corrigan has had enough. PROFESSOR CORRIGAN: All right, Mr. Echolls, thank you. We've seen quite enough. LOGAN: No, I'm not screwing around, sir. Uh, this is about income streams and- PROFESSOR CORRIGAN: That'll do. You can sit down now. Logan's shocked at the professor's response, but acquiesces and turns off the display in some dismay. LOGAN: [in a whisper] All right. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Leo, sitting in Keith's office, has a look of amazement on his face. LEO: Are you serious? KEITH: Yeah. A, I feel responsible for you being fired. The owner was wrong to fire you, but- LEO: What's B? KEITH: B is we need men. What do you say, Leo? Feel like getting back in? Cut to moments later as Leo leaves Keith's office. LEO: I'll come in for the paperwork. Keith follows him out and they shake hands. Veronica, just arriving, stands in astonishment. VERONICA: Leo? Are you under arrest? Because I've got an in with the sheriff. LEO: Me too. I'm a deputy again. Veronica expresses surprise. LEO: So I guess I'll be seeing you around. Just like old times. They smile at each other and Leo passes her to leave. Veronica walks towards Keith, pointing back towards the exiting Leo. VERONICA: He's back? KEITH: Yep. How's your rocker friend? VERONICA: On his way to play University of Alaska. KEITH: Good. I don't want to be square, but you keep away from musicians. Vinnie walks up behind Veronica. KEITH: Mr. Van Lowe. Veronica joins Keith at his side to face Vinnie. Keith puts his arms on her shoulders and hugs her. KEITH: To what do we owe the honour? VINNIE: Just a follow-up, you know? On that crime I stopped. Veronica stares at him sceptically. VINNIE: And to say thanks. Vinnie pulls out a newspaper and starts to read from it. VINNIE: "It was the actions of local private investigator Vincent Van Lowe..." Vinnie taps his chest. VINNIE: "...that led to the suspects being apprehended." Vinnie gesture quote marks. VINNIE: "'Vinnie did a great job on this one,' said acting sheriff..." Vinnie extends a hand to Keith. VINNIE: "Keith Mars. 'He's an asset to this community.'" "He's an asset to this community." That's great, Keith. You can't buy that kind of publicity. I've tried. You really can't. KEITH: Hardly need to these days, Vinnie. You're the only P.I. in town. VINNIE: Oh, I didn't mean for my business. I mean for my campaign. KEITH: Campaign? Veronica, still not taking him seriously, creases her brow. VINNIE: For sheriff. Veronica gives an amused snort. Keith elbows her to stop. VINNIE: The special election. Sport Haus owner and a bunch of his pals said I should, so I...threw my hat in this morning. Vinnie Van Lowe: "He's an asset to this community" - Sheriff Mars gonna look great on my posters. He gives them a triumphant look, turns on his heel and exits. Keith and Veronica stare after him.

Washed-up rock star Desmond Fellows arrives at Hearst to play a charity concert for the campus radio station to find that his backing tapes have disappeared. With his job and the survival of the radio station at stake, Piz calls Veronica despite their recent post-kiss awkwardness. Piz and Veronica are tasked with tracking down the tapes and babysitting a drunk, irresponsible, and depressed Desmond Fellows. Meanwhile, a new and surprising contender emerges to challenge Keith in the race for Sheriff.

fd_Reign_01x09

fd_Reign_01x09_0

(After leaving the castle, Mary and Bash are being chased by the King's guards through the woods on horseback. Bash leads them to a clearing in the woods) BASH: This way, Mary, quick. (That clearing leads off the side of a cliff facing a large body of water) BASH: We're trapped. There's no way around. MARY: We have to go back. The king's guards... BASH: Will intercept us. We'll never outrun them in the woods anyway. MARY: We'll be captured and dragged back to French court. The king wants England; he won't give up. If we're found... (The king's men are catching up to them quickly. The hooves of the horses sound like they have arrived) BASH: Get down, quickly. I'm going to get you back to Scotland. MARY: How? GUARD' (alerting' 'the other men 'to their location): This way. (Bash starts taking off his heavy armor and sword) MARY: Bash, what are you doing? BASH: Just trust me. Can you swim? This is the only way out. MARY: Are you mad? We'll never survive it. BASH: You can do this. GUARD: Stop! In the name of the king! Seize them! (Mary and Bash told hands and jump off the cliff, into the water) BACK AT THE CASTLE: GUARD: We've checked every outbound ship from Dunkirk to Bayeux, Your Majesty. The Scottish Queen and your son must still be in France, but... KING HENRY: They didn't just disappear. Bash has many talents, but magic isn't one of them. Find them! Go. QUEEN CATHERINE: They've been gone for more than a week. You'll never find them. Francis is back from his own search. I tell him it's pointless, they're long gone, but he persists. KING HENRY: What did you expect? Mary's his fianc e. They were hours from being wed. QUEEN CATHERINE: ... Until she rode off with his brother. I'd call that engagement off. KING HENRY: What I'd like to know is why. QUEEN CATHERINE: She was probably involved with him for months. KING HENRY: What is it about her marriage to our son that strikes such fear in your black heart? The truth, Catherine, for once. QUEEN CATHERINE: Mary is dangerous because she's in danger. Because the English hate her, and they always will, especially if she lays claim to their throne, as you insist. I believe she brings destruction, which will reach our lands and our hearts. KING HENRY: This isn't your decision, and if I find out her departure is your doing in any way, I'll have grounds to execute you. QUEEN CATHERINE: I grow weary of your threats. KING HENRY: I grew weary of you a decade ago. All I need is cause to be rid of you. Perhaps this time, you've given it to me. IN FRANCIS' CHAMBERS: QUEEN CATHERINE: You can't do this. Take off for days at a time on your own? FRANCIS: I had guards with me, guards that I can trust -- Guards that don't answer to you. We're only back because there was a sighting of a girl alleged to be Mary in a village nearby. A girl who appeared to be barely ten. QUEEN CATHERINE: Well, few people in France have set eyes on Mary. She has money. She can buy passage, as well as silence. She has Bash to navigate for them. You won't find them, and why would you want to? FRANCIS: Because I want to know why she left. QUEEN CATHERINE: Well, didn't you ask her? FRANCIS: She said that she couldn't trust me to put her interests before France. QUEEN CATHERINE: And she's right. And I know, because you'll be an extraordinary king. FRANCIS: She made an excuse. It's not why she left, I know it. QUEEN CATHERINE: Then she's a liar. Why would you want her? FRANCIS: Because I love her, despite everything that she's done. And because I sense your hand in this. AT AN INN: (Mary and Bash have settled in for the night to rest up and dry their clothing) MARY: I don't think the innkeeper believed our story. BASH: That we were attacked by bandits? MARY: Honest people don't ride through the woods. BASH: Honest, foolish people do. MARY: Do you think that you're foolish for helping me? BASH: I only meant that the woods are dangerous. Not as dangerous as court, as it turns out. (Both of them huddle beside the lit fireplace, soaking up some of its warmth) MARY: Do you really think that Queen Catherine knew about your mother's plot to have you legitimized? BASH: Yes. She used the information to blackmail my mother into leaving court. My mother never should have done this behind my father's back. MARY: And behind yours. You never asked to rule France. This was never what you wanted. BASH: Try convincing anyone of that. MARY: They're going to think the worst of us, you know. BASH: I'm sure Francis already does. (Mary pulls out a blanket and shakes it loose) BASH: I'll find some horses tomorrow. We'll get a boat from Calais and put this all behind us. Now, get undressed. (Bash pulls off his boots and sits them on the ground) MARY: What? BASH: You'll want dry clothes. We have a long day tomorrow. MARY: All right then. Turn around. BASH: For the entire night? (Bash finds this comical, but he does it anyway) BASH: There's not a thing left in your bag that isn't soaked. Let it dry. (Mary relunctantly starts untying her clothing, while Bash peeks from behind. OFFSCREEN VOICE (knocking at the door): Innkeeper. Brought you some fresh linen. BASH: Hide. Quickly. Our innkeeper lacked grace, but he wasn't wearing heavy boots. (Mary scurries under the table right before the person knocking at the door barges in) GUARD 1: Well, if it isn't the b*st*rd son of France. Those people you paid off to keep their silence, we paid them more. Where's the Queen? BASH: I dropped her off in Calais. She's halfway across the Channel in a four-masted galleon. GUARD 2: Without her clothes? Did they tie her to the bow like a figurehead? (Several more men barge into the room. They stab a knife into the table and subdue bash, slamming his head against the table) GUARD 1: The king wants you back alive, but he said nothing of your fingers. Last chance. (Bash closes his eyes and says nothing) MARY (emerging from her hiding spot): Stop! I'm right here. Unhand him. This man is under my protection. GUARD 2: Apologies, Your Grace, but this man is a French subject, not Scottish, - and he's a criminal. MARY: And what crime has he committed beyond ensuring my safety? GUARD 2: Weren't you engaged to his brother? I suppose that's why I heard the word "treason" bandied about. All I know is the king wants his son back at court. (The men start to drag him off) MARY: I can help. BASH: No. MARY: I'll explain why you came with me. I'll make Henry understand. BASH: And Francis? He won't let you leave twice. MARY: I jumped off a cliff with you and I survived. This time, let me take the lead. (Mary and Bash are both back at court. Bash is in cuffs) GUARD: The king wants him taken to the dungeon. BASH: I'll be fine. Be strong. You have to. FRANCIS (yelling from across the room): Mary! (He slowly comes up to her, unsure of what to say) FRANCIS: Is my brother hurt? MARY: Not yet. They're locking him up. FRANCIS: And you... are you all right? I suppose you wondered if you'd ever see me again. MARY: Yes. FRANCIS: I knew I'd see you. If I hadn't found you, if the guards didn't, I would have come to Scotland. (He steps closer to her, but she backs away) MARY: Francis, please, don't. Nothing has changed. FRANCIS: Everything's changed. We woke up at sunrise in each other's arms and I promised to stand by you forever, against anyone, even my father. And by sundown, you'd run off with my brother... MARY: This isn't Bash's fault. FRANCIS: No, you say it's about France bullying you into claiming the throne of England, or because my loyalties might lie to my nation and not to you. But I swore myself to you, and I know you believed me. Tell me what happened. MARY: My friend died. My heart broke. FRANCIS: Why did you leave? Explain to me how Aylee's death made you decide you couldn't marry me. Give me an honest answer. I deserve that. I was prepared to give everything to you. MARY: Including your life... I know that, and I'm sorry, but I can't marry you. GUARD: The king requests your presence in the throne room. (Francis and Mary both head that way, but Francis is stopped) GUARD: Begging your pardon, Your Grace, he just wants Queen Mary. IN THE THRONE ROOM: (King Henry and Queen Catherine sit on their thrones, with a room full of spectators) QUEEN CATHERINE: The guards say you chose to return. MARY: I am here on Sebastian's behalf. And to make peace between our nations, as it seems there is some ill will in the wake of my decision not to marry your son, Francis. I am hoping you can help me with this. KING HENRY: I'll help you make peace. Marry Francis, as we'd agreed. Lay claim to England. The story for your abrupt departure is this: you were a bride overcome by nerves. MARY: No. KING HENRY: No? You are here at your mother's, at Scotland's, bidding. Your wedding is a treaty of nations. QUEEN CATHERINE: Women don't often say no, to Henry. When they do he thinks it's a game. It usually is. But Mary isn't your usual girl. She is Scotland. She is its queen. KING HENRY: All right then. Let's negotiate. As leaders. Shall we start with your desire to protect Bash? You're fond of him, aren't you? MARY: Aren't you? He's your son. He was protecting me. Bash did nothing wrong. KING HENRY: And you, you shared a bed with him. There are witnesses. MARY: They're lying. But go ahead, ruin me. I could give a damn about my reputation in France. KING HENRY: In Scotland? MARY: They will believe their Queen. KING HENRY: A queen with blood on her hands who let her lover die? Sebastian ran off with the future king's fianc e. Destroying an alliance between our countries. MARY: Don't do this. KING HENRY: You want to be treated like a ruler? Someone who can say no? Do you need lives at stake to take this seriously? QUEEN CATHERINE: Henry, you wouldn't. KING HENRY: You'll marry my son, Francis and accept our nation's support, as you and your new husband, lay claim to England. Or I will execute my son, my subject Bash, for the treason of costing me England. You can watch him bleed to death on your wedding altar. IN MARY'S CHAMBERS: (Her servants are gathered around attending to her dress) QUEEN CATHERINE: Leave us. Now. (The room clears out) QUEEN CATHERINE: You should never have come back here. MARY: I had no choice. Bash was accused of treason. I couldn't let him suffer on his own. QUEEN CATHERINE: I was afraid something like this might happen. MARY: Find a way to convince King Henry that I won't back down, before he carries through with his threat. QUEEN CATHERINE: Killing Bash?! I can't believe he would do it. MARY: I won't take that chance. QUEEN CATHERINE: Well, then lie. Say that you and Bash are already married. MARY: How? QUEEN CATHERINE: You grabbed a priest on the road. You said your vows in a cowshed. Even Henry can't override a union sanctified by God. MARY: No, but he can kill Bash in anger on hearing it. QUEEN CATHERINE: Do you have any other ideas? MARY: I've sent word to my mother. In truth, I cannot believe that she and her advisors would support a claim on England at this time. QUEEN CATHERINE: Henry's already been corresponding with your mother... Once he learned that the English Queen was dying. MARY: She wants me to do it. Scotland wants me on the throne of England. They know it's a risk; QUEEN CATHERINE: Less so, with Francis at your side. MARY: They want me to wed the next King of France without delay. So, there is no other option. I must tell Francis of the prophecy. QUEEN CATHERINE: You must find another way. Francis will reject the prophecy as superstition. And he will convince you to marry him. You know I am right! MARY: I will explain to him why I believe Nostradamus's visions. QUEEN CATHERINE: Giving him arguments he can talk you out of with reason and logic. And he will. Because the fact that Nostradamus can see the death of the man you love, is not something that you want to believe either. MARY: But I do believe it. QUEEN CATHERINE: You won't when he's done with you, because Francis is reasonable in all things, but he is relentless in his love for you. If you tell Francis, he will wear you down, and he is as good as dead. MARY: And if I do nothing, Bash will die. IN THE DUNGEON: (Nostradamus sits at his workshop, creating a doll to give to Clarissa. After killing Aylee, Nostradamus locked her up in his dungeon to keep her from doing something foolish) NOSTRADAMUS: You look pathetic but I feel your hatred. You don't even have the decency to feign remorse for killing that girl. CLARISSA: I did it to save Mary. NOSTRADAMUS: You killed Aylee to fulfill my vision. CLARISSA: The Queen was planning to kill her. NOSTRADAMUS: So, you've said. And you're right, Catherine would have. Kings and queens do that. To save another, to save themselves, when it suits them, they play God. Monsters like you should not. Did you not enjoy your freedom?! You could go about the castle as you wished. All I asked, was that you stay out of sight: That you harm no one. So that no harm would come to you. You'll stay here until I believe you've learned your lesson... Do as I say, or I'll starve you. (Clarissa cries as he leaves. She then picks up the doll he threw on the ground and rips it apart) IN MARY'S CHAMBERS: (She sits basked in the sunlight that pours through the window, thinking deeply about what to do about Francis and the prophecy until she is interrupted) FRANCIS: Mary. MARY: Thank you for coming. FRANCIS: Is this about Bash? My father just told me that he'll kill him if you don't marry me. And still you refuse? MARY: Yes. FRANCIS: I'm sorry. This is insane. How far will you go to destroy us? MARY: But it will destroy you otherwise. FRANCIS: What? MARY: Please, hear me out. I want to explain myself. I want you to understand why I left you. It wasn't for lack of love, or joy, or trust in you. It was because I couldn't bear the thought of losing you. FRANCIS: That makes no sense. MARY: Nostradamus had a vision -- Of your death, brought about by me if we wed. FRANCIS: You left me over a prophecy? MARY: One that I believe. I couldn't take the risk of being wrong! FRANCIS: This is madness. MARY: I know, I thought so too. I didn't believe it, I didn't want to, but, I knew that Nostradamus's visions had weight, even before he predicted Aylee's death. FRANCIS: Her fall? MARY: Hours before it happened. FRANCIS: When the king finds out... No, you can't tell him! He will burn Nostradamus alive, for heresy, or treason -- both charges apply, not to mention... FRANCIS: My mother. She was behind this as well. MARY: All her crimes against me were because she loves you. Does she deserve to burn for that? She would do anything for you. And I would, too. I will not be the cause of your death. FRANCIS: And Bash? Shall he die in my stead? MARY: No, of course not. FRANCIS: Because my father is determined. You will wed the next King of France, or he'll lose any chance of England. Mary you cannot let superstition, or fear, rule your life. You must be the ruler... Taking charge of your own destiny. Marry me. Now, before my mother or Nostradamus can poison you with fear, pressure you... MARY: You are pressuring me. FRANCIS: Ah, because I am right. And my mother is wrong to believe in this nonsense! MARY: She was right to believe. Aylee is dead. I believe! FRANCIS: I'll talk to Nostradamus. He'll recant. I'll make my mother see things sensibly. I'll take the risk. This is my life, my risk. Once you get past the grief of Aylee's death, you'll see. MARY: Your mother was right, you are relentless. FRANCIS: When it comes to us, yes. MARY: But I can't do this. I am begging you, please stop. FRANCIS: I won't. Ever. MARY: Then I will. IN THE THRONE ROOM: KING HENRY: I assume you've asked for this meeting because you've made your decision. Will you marry Francis? Or will you be forced to watch Bash's execution? MARY: Neither. (The room erupts in a gasp) KING HENRY: What's this? MARY: I have a third option. One I think you would be most interested in. I will stake my claim on England and I will marry your son. But not Francis: Bash. Legitimize him and make him the next King of France. (The King and Queen have taken Mary off into a private room away from all of the prying eyes) KING HENRY: Explain yourself. MARY: You want England. I want something in return. KING HENRY: You are talking about changing the line of succession of France. QUEEN CATHERINE: Bash as king... this is laughable. MARY: Bastards are being legitimized all over Europe. I believe the Vatican will favor this arrangement. KING HENRY: How could you know that? MARY: You said yourself, they want England as badly as you do. They will do anything to keep it from falling into the hands of the Protestants. QUEEN CATHERINE: You were against this claim before. MARY: That was before I knew my mother's wishes. And how much pressure her advisors were putting her under. It seems I will be going off to England no matter what I think, but only with Bash at my side. KING HENRY: So I'll make him a duke, or an earl. QUEEN CATHERINE: Yes. MARY: Half measures won't do. I need to be married to the man who commands the king's army. KING HENRY: There'd be civil unrest. The nobles may reject it. It makes our country appear unstable. And I'd have to convince the Pope to annul our marriage. (Catherine is clearly unpleased with this idea) KING HENRY: Are you not acquainted with my very determined wife? MARY: Perhaps your wife will agree. Because at her core, she is more selfless than you think. KING HENRY: You think she gives a damn about France controlling England when she is no longer queen? MARY: It's up to the Queen to decide her priorities. I've given your majesties much to consider. I will take my leave. (Mary exits, leaving the King and Queen to fight) QUEEN CATHERINE: You're not seriously considering this? What she proposes would cost me everything... My marriage, my crown, the legacy of our children, your sons... KING HENRY: Yes... They are all considerations. QUEEN CATHERINE: Those bitches! KING HENRY: Who? QUEEN CATHERINE: Mary, her friends, that parasite Diane, the lot of them! KING HENRY: My mistress Diane? What does she have to do with this? QUEEN CATHERINE: You don't seriously think that Mary came up with legitimization all by herself. Bash must have told her. Diane has been working on this behind your back for months. KING HENRY: Do you have proof of this? QUEEN CATHERINE: Well, why don't you ask Kenna, your other mistress? She told me and as a result, I blackmailed Diane and I,, sent her off to Paris. KING HENRY: You admit this deceit? QUEEN CATHERINE: You would have found out anyway, from Bash, before you took off his head! I suspect that's the real reason why he fled the castle. He was afraid of your reaction. KING HENRY: So much for the great love story of Mary and Bash. But if he left out of fear, what was her reason? QUEEN CATHERINE: I have no idea, but she certainly made a mess of things now, hasn't she? [SCENE_BREAK] IN MARY'S CHAMBERS: (After her talk with the King and Queen, Mary retires to her chambers to talk to her ladies about what transpired when she was gone) LOLA: In truth, Catherine's been relatively kind to us. She was arranging our passage for next week. GREER: Now you're back and marrying Bash. MARY: If Henry makes him the next king. It was the only way I could save Bash and Francis, and do as I was bid by my mother, as is my duty. KENNA: What about me? For Bash to become legitimized, Henry must marry Diane and she'll be back at court as queen. MARY: If the plan works, yes. I know this must be painful for you. You have feelings for the king. KENNA: Painful? You have no idea, any of you! (All of the girls look at her, deducing that she was upset at more than just the possibility of Dianne being Queen) KENNA: I think Diane was behind Aylee's death. LOLA: Kenna, what are you saying? KENNA: Aylee fell, but I think she was poisoned first. LOLA: What makes you think such a thing? KENNA: There was a cup shattered at the base of the stairs. A cup that was delivered to me. I saw a cat drinking the spilled contents. Not long after I found the animal dead in the corner. MARY: Why didn't you tell any of us about your suspicions? KENNA: You were already dealing with so much and then you were gone. What could I, any of us, done about it in your absence? Who would stand to gain by my death? Diane, certainly. But also Catherine. What better way to warn you of Nostradamus's visions, than by fulfilling his latest prophecy? LOLA: That one among us would die? KENNA: And one of us did. MARY: There was other proof of Nostradamus's power. KENNA: Yes but it was Aylee's death that convinced you that what he predicted for Francis would come true. LOLA: Did Catherine know of this last prophecy? Was she aware of it? MARY: She'd never admit to it, but I'm getting better at discerning when she's lying. IN CATHERINE'S CHAMBERS: (Mary goes to confront the Queen about Kenna's suspicions in regard to Aylee's death) QUEEN CATHERINE (off-screen): And I'm not pleased with her. (Without knocking, Mary storms into the room) MARY: Did you poison Aylee? Yes or no? QUEEN CATHERINE: Leave us. (When the room clears out, Catherine lets Mary know of her displeasure) QUEEN CATHERINE: How dare you burst in here after the stunt you've just pulled. MARY: Give me your answer. QUEEN CATHERINE: Of course not. I had nothing but fondness for Aylee. MARY: And Kenna? A cup was delivered to her bedside that ended up in Aylee's hands. QUEEN CATHERINE: Your friend Kenna, she came to me, she'd found out about Diane's plot to have Bash legitimized. MARY: Bash told me, but I wasn't aware that Kenna knew. QUEEN CATHERINE: I saw an opportunity to get rid of them both. I told Diane about Kenna's scheming and I... I gifted her some poison. I suppose I was testing her, to see if she'd actually try to poison Kenna before leaving the castle. And clearly, she tried. MARY: So, it was your poison. Delivered at Diane's hands and not yours? QUEEN CATHERINE: Delivered to the wrong girl. You must believe me. Why would I tell you this otherwise? What reason would I have to kill Aylee? MARY: To make me believe Nostradamus's prophecies. He had a vision of one of my ladies dying. QUEEN CATHERINE: He never told me. He takes no comfort in the horrors he sees. And he knows that I would probably have killed one of your ladies trying to convince you. I'm telling you the truth.. On my immortal soul. There's still time to fix this. Leave for Scotland. I have connections, I can ensure you find another suitable match. MARY: Not in time. QUEEN CATHERINE: No, this can't be happening. You end up with a King, and three kingdoms under your rule, and I lose everything?! MARY: I am losing the man that I love. I am saving your son! I have made my sacrifice! And now this is your turn. I must talk to Francis and tell him of my proposal to wed Bash before somebody else does. QUEEN CATHERINE: I might have already mentioned it. (Mary storms off to find Francis. First, she visits his room) MARY: Francis? (Francis is not in his chambers, so she looks for him elsewhere. Meanwhile, Francis goes to visit Bash in the dungeon) BASH: Francis. (Francis immediately punches Bash in the face and starts beating him throughout the room) FRANCIS: Get up. BASH: I can explain. FRANCIS: Why did you steal Mary?! BASH: I was trying to help her. FRANCIS: You took advantage of her fears, and this family's trust. (Francis isn't listening to Bash at all. He continues to beat him, despite Bash not fighting back) MARY (rushing into the room to help Bash and stop Francis from killing him) Francis, stop! FRANCIS (to Bash): How long have you hated me? BASH: I was trying to save your life. MARY: Stop! Stop! Francis, stop! Stop! (Mary puts herself in between Francis and Bash) MARY: This isn't Bash's fault! He only knew about the prophecy. The only thing we've done is try to save you. I'm the one who proposed marrying him. I proposed that he be the new heir to the throne. BASH: You proposed what? MARY: I'm sorry. FRANCIS: You are setting the course of nations. Asking the Pope to say that this is God's will! Taking my family's inheritance, from me, my mother, my brothers. And I'm supposed to accept this. You are throwing away everything we had for superstition! Nostradamus knows nothing. You know that I love you. If you think that, because in your minds, you're saving me, that I will forgive you for this, you're wrong. (Francis angrily leaves, leaving Mary in tears) MARY: Are you all right? BASH: When were you planning to tell me? Before or after my coronation?! MARY: Please don't be angry. BASH: I never wanted my brother's crown. No matter my mother's plans. MARY: But will you take it, to save his life? BASH: Can I have more than a heartbeat to think about it?! IN NOSTRADAMUS' CHAMBERS: QUEEN CATHERINE: Why didn't you tell me about your visions of Mary's friends? NOSTRADAMUS: If I had, you've had killed one of them, no? To make Mary believe? QUEEN CATHERINE: Well, that was my point to Mary, exactly. It's tragic, about Aylee. NOSTRADAMUS: At least her death will do some good, if it saves Francis. QUEEN CATHERINE: But now Mary is so convinced of your power, that she's ready to upset the line of succession. In Mary's mind, this is the only way. Well, of course there are others. (Nostradamus picks up on the insinuation) NOSTRADAMUS: Options to keep you in power. QUEEN CATHERINE: Without power, I am vulnerable. And so are my children. When Henry dies, and Bash becomes king, my sons become targets. They'll threaten Sebastian's rule, as some will say they belong on the throne, one by one, in rightful succession. No, Mary's plan will not do. She and Bash must be stopped in a manner that leaves no trace. NOSTRADAMUS: Is there no other way? QUEEN CATHERINE: Can you suggest one? (Nostradamus says nothing. So Catherine continues giving direction) QUEEN CATHERINE: Hire a scribe, leave a note in Mary's hand, a good-bye to her friends, she would do that if she and Bash were making an escape. Find a jailer who'll say that she bribed him. Pay him well, and then kill him, too. Take all the bodies to the forest and bury them deep so that when the rains come and the animals dig, their skulls are not found. (The Queen summons a guard, after giving her instructions, he leaves) ELSEWHERE IN THE CASTLE: (Henry has arranged a secret meeting between himself, Mary and Bash; thus explaining her absence. Bash was waiting when she arrived) KING HENRY: Ah, Mary, you're safe. No one followed you, or knows you're here, not even your ladies? MARY: No, no one knows. KING HENRY: You've taught me something, Mary. God has a sense of humor. When I heard the Vatican's support of your claim to the English throne, I thought, "A chance this perfect must be crafted by God." But now, I see God's mocking me. I mean, how else do you explain that on the verge of uniting England, Scotland and France, I'd be here, held hostage by the whims of a teenaged girl? MARY: It's not a whim. I am deadly serious. KING HENRY: You were never groomed to be king. Your recent actions have shown me that you are not prepared for power. BASH: And yet, here we are. KING HENRY: I'll agree to your terms. Let God mock the English for a change. MARY: Thank you. KING HENRY: You're serious? KING HENRY: Your ascent to the throne will not be official until the Pope agrees, which will not be easy. I'll go to Rome, and do my best. I've been a better father to you than Francis, but he's my son, too, and your brother. You have betrayed him. I don't know why, I don't know if it's love, or something else, but this will destroy him, unless he's a stronger man than either of us knew. In which case, God have mercy on you. (The King holds up a glass and toasts to the two of them) KING HENRY: To the future King and Queen of France, Scotland and England. (They all drink) MARY: There is one other thing. What will we do about Catherine? She won't give up her crown easily. KING HENRY: I can handle my wife. LATER: (Catherine enters her room to find the guard hanging from a noose above her bed. Henry enters shortly after her) KING HENRY: You're next. (Henry grabs her by the arm and pulls her into the throne room, where Mary, Bash and Francis all stand) QUEEN CATHERINE: No! KING HENRY: It's best if you remain standing. (Henry starts walking over to his throne) QUEEN CATHERINE: Are you going to execute me yourself? KING HENRY: I'm trying very hard not to kill you for the things you've done. (He sits, while Catherine scoffs) QUEEN CATHERINE: You've had me followed? KING HENRY: I know how you behave when you're cornered. QUEEN CATHERINE: I will never agree to an annulment, no matter what fabrications you concoct to get you England. KING HENRY: I want all agreed to this plan. When I die, Bash will be king. If he is survived by our children, the line of succession will revert to my sons by you. QUEEN CATHERINE: Ah, well, it's better than I hoped. KING HENRY: Especially as you're instantly planning Bash's demise. He would have been next, after you sent an assassin to Mary's chambers this very evening. Now you think you'll simply pick Bash off, once my guard is down, or before they pop out an heir, and the throne will revert to Francis. QUEEN CATHERINE: Aren't you ahead of me? It's as if we had one mind... MARY: Catherine, don't. He's thought of every angle. KING HENRY: Mary's right. Because I know your next plan is to kill me. To remove the largest obstacle and hasten things along. A stray arrow, a hunting accident. QUEEN CATHERINE: I wouldn't dare. (Francis suddenly enters to give his two cents) FRANCIS: Yes, you would. You'd kill everyone in this room to get me on the throne. To protect me, in the hope that I would then protect you. But my first order of business, as King, would be to execute you if you were to harm anyone here. My brother, my father, Mary. This has to stop. (Finished with his mother, Francis walks over to Mary) FRANCIS: I see a future for us quite clearly. We would be happy. I would give anything to spend my life, however long, at your side. MARY: I know you would. FRANCIS: But you see a future without me, and that's the one you choose. MARY: You know why it's the only choice. FRANCIS: It's your choice. You are so headstrong, so, so strong... (Speaking to Bash) FRANCIS: And you, my brother I envied you for so long, and look at us now. You have what's mine, and I have your freedom. Well, I, I plan to take full advantage of it. (Francis turns and speaks to the whole room) FRANCIS: Long may you reign. IN MARY'S CHAMBERS: (Mary prepares herself for bed in her chambers, but the Queen wants to have a chat) SERVANT: Your Grace, Her Majesty the Queen. MARY: Wait. (Speaking to the guard) MARY: Stay. And you, as well. Close the door (Both the guard and the servant stay in the room) QUEEN CATHERINE: You're arming yourself against me. Am I really that frightening? MARY: Am I really stupid enough to find out? What do you want? QUEEN CATHERINE: You must be very pleased with yourself. MARY: I take no joy in what this has cost you. QUEEN CATHERINE: My life, not just my crown. The annulment won't be enough for Henry. To quiet the issues, the questions about his judgment, it's best if I'm gone. He will find some excuse to behead me. MARY: Then leave France, disappear, and never return. QUEEN CATHERINE: If only you had taken this advice. MARY: I believe that King Henry will let you live if he gets what he wants. Grant him the annulment, and then go far from here and grant yourself a happy life. QUEEN CATHERINE: Oh, Mary, don't you know by now? Happiness is the one thing we queens can never have. Sleep well, my dear. THE NEXT DAY: (As Catherine prepares to leave the castle, a group of people have gathered to bid her farewell) GREER: Do we really have to be here? MARY: It's the right thing to do. LOLA: After everything she's put you through? (The Queen walks through two lines of subjects that have divided for her. In front of some of them, she stops and offers plesantries) LOLA: I wonder where she's going. GREER: The official story is that she's visiting her aunt, who is a nun. LOLA: She'll spend the rest of her life at a convent. I don't believe it. MARY: She'll be safe there. King Henry would never dare reach for her. (Catherine finishes going through the crowd, before she speaks with Mary one final time) QUEEN CATHERINE: Not much of a turnout when one loses power, is there? Oh, and hustled out the back door to boot. It's humiliating. MARY: There is no shame in what you have done for your son. QUEEN CATHERINE: A word of advice for the next Queen of France. Remember, no matter how many countries you rule, or palaces you own, power is always fleeting. (Catherine kisses Mary on the cheek and continues) QUEEN CATHERINE: It can be taken away by the stroke of a pen or the blade of an axe. (The Queen turns around to leave. The doors are opened for her), but Henry and a group of men come in through an adjacent door) KING HENRY: Leaving without saying good-bye to your king? QUEEN CATHERINE: I was afraid Your Majesty was too busy preparing false documents to send to the Vatican. KING HENRY: Too busy thinking of you. Catherine, I've realized something, and I can't let you go. In fact, I can't let you out of my sight. Your reach is long, your connection to wealth endless, and your mastery at poisons, ever evolving. QUEEN CATHERINE: You're holding me prisoner. KING HENRY: Guarded day and night, or at least until I'm back from Rome. Imprison her. (The guards take her into custody, but she still has a few choice words for the King) QUEEN CATHERINE: Whore-monger. KING HENRY: Devil. Endearments aside, consider this a sign of my utmost respect for your intellect and abilities. KING HENRY (to the guards): Take her away. IN NOSTRADAMUS' CHAMBERS: (Nostradamus brings some food to Clarissa, who is still confined to a cell) NOSTRADAMUS: Here. Some food to keep you. (After sitting down the food, he sees the ripped up doll, but before he can say anything else, Clarissa attacks him and escapes) ON A BALCONY: (Bash stands on a balcony at the castle, overlooking the scenery. Mary interrupts him from deep thought) MARY: You look so pensive. BASH: It's unbelievable. England, the Pope, my own father putting me on the chopping block one minute, and the throne the next. We both did this to save Francis, and, yet, we both lost him as a result. MARY: Well, the important thing is, he'll still be alive. BASH: I still can't quite believe it. King. Me, King of France. MARY: I know you have doubts, but it won't happen tomorrow. BASH: No, no. My father would have to die first. But our wedding will happen. As soon as my father gets back from Rome, he'll want the deal locked down, France and Scotland united, before the English Queen dies. You're going to be my wife. How very unexpected. (They both gaze out at the scenary, unsure of what else to say)

Queen Mary and Bash are captured by King Henry's men after a week of being on the run together. They are brought back to the castle, where Queen Mary tells a disbelieving Prince Francis about Nostradamus's prophecy. King Henry threatens to execute Bash if Queen Mary won't marry Francis. Queen Mary counter-proposes that Bash be legitimized as King Henry's new heir and she marry him instead; if King Henry agrees, Queen Mary will claim the English throne as King Henry wants. As this would require an annulment of King Henry and Queen Catherine's marriage, and would turn Prince Francis and his two younger brothers into bastards. Queen Catherine sends an assassin to kill both Queen Mary and Bash. King Henry II has the assassin killed before he can complete his task, and Queen Catherine is imprisoned. King Henry II agrees to Queen Mary's terms and leaves for Rome to seek the Pope's approval for Bash's legitimization. Clarissa is chained in a cell by Nostradamus as punishment for killing Aylee, but she stabs him and escapes.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_04x01

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_04x01_0

Ted(2030): Kids, there is something I wish my dad told me. The longest pause you will ever experience in your life is the one that follows asking the question... Ted is in a playroom with Stella... Ted: Will you marry me? Ted(2030): Your brain goes into overdrive, imaging every possible response. Stella: No. Stella: Oh, God, no. Stella: You want me to marry..(laughing).No. Stella: Oh, I'm sorry, Ted. I can't. Mark Johnson, the quarterback from your high school football team, already asked me. Mark Johnson: What's up, Turd? Ted: It's Ted! Ted (2030): But if you're lucky, she may answer with the single greatest word in the English language. Stella: Yes. Ted (2030): Stella and I spent that summer happily engaged. Marshall was still coping with unemployment. Marshall to lily: What are you doing? Ted(2030): Lily threw herself into her painting. Marshall to Barney: What are you doing? Ted(2030): Barney was rehabilitating from his bus accident. Marshall to himself: What are you doing? Ted(2030): And well, Marshall just kept coping with unemployment. Marshall to Robin: What are you doing? Ted(2030): And Robin continued to uphold the high journalistic standards of Metro News 1. Robin: Is your favorite brand of dental floss poisoning your entire family? Tune in at 11:00 for the shocking... Tooth. At the bar... Robin: Okay, I officially hate my job. I'm not a reporter, I'm just someone who shows up at night and scares people. I'm the bogeyman with a teleprompter. Barney: "Bogeyman with a teleprompter." That's hilarious! Great joke, Robin, great joke. Lily: Barney, no offense to Robin, but that wasn't that funny. Barney: Are you kidding? That was a great joke. It's smart, funny, beautiful, the whole package. It's everything you're afraid to let yourself want. In a joke. "Bogeyman with a teleprompter." Classic. Lily is at Barney's apartment... Lily: Okay, what is so urgent that you called me and begged me to come over at 7:22 in the morning? Barney: I could tell you knew something was up with me, and you're right. But I can't tell you what it is. I should tell you, but I can't! I have to. I never will! I'm going to. Let's just drop it. What's up with you? Lily: Barney, just say it. Barney: I think I'm in love with Robin. At the apartment... Marshall: Hey, Lily needs some gift ideas for Stella's wedding shower. Does she like to cook? Ted: Actually, I don't know. Marshall: What's her favorite color? Ted: Don't know that either. Marshall: Well, does she have any hobbies? Ted: Yes. She's exactly the kind of person who would have hobbies. And interests, too. I am one lucky son of a bitch. Marshall: Dude, you don't know anything about the woman you're marrying. Ted: What? You're crazy! I know plenty. Marshall: What color are her eyes? Ted: The color of the ocean after a storm. Marshall: Which is? Ted: Beautiful. At Barney's apartment... Lily: I don't believe it. I thought you called me over here to uncuff you from your s*x swing again, but you're in love? That is so sweet! Barney: It's not "sweet." It's like a disease. I slept with Robin one time and I caught feelings. I caught feelings bad. I used protection and everything. Lily: Barney, you don't "catch" feelings, you just have them. And they're good. Barney: They're terrible! I can't eat, I can't sleep. She's all I think about. I close my eyes, I see Robin. I, I hear a song; it reminds me of Robin. Girl: Morning. Barney: I sleep with that chick, I'm thinking about Robin. At the apartment... Ted: Okay, so I don't know every single detail about Stella. What's really about? Do you not like her or something? Marshall: No, Ted, I like Stella a lot. She's a Mets fan. Ted: Really? Marshall: It's just that everything with you has moved so fast. You've only known each other a few months. Don't you think maybe you should slow things down a little bit? Get to know each other better? Ted: I'll have a whole life time to get to know her better. Right now, I know the one thing that I have to: that I love her. At Barney's apartment... Lily: You love her? Barney, how can you be in love, and still be sleeping with anything that moves? Barney: I'm sorry, I don't follow you. That's like saying, "How can an ant carry "20 times its body weight, but root beer floats are still delicious?" Are the two even related? Really? Lily: Barney, you're going to have to stop screwing around if you want to be Robin's boyfriend. Barney: "Boyfriend"? I don't want to be Robin's boyfriend. Lily: Well, what do you want, then? Barney: I don't know. I just want to be with her. All the time. I want to hear about her day and tell her about mine. I want to hold her hand and smell her hair. But I don't want to be her stupid boyfriend. Lily: Barney, what you just described is a relationship between a boyfriend and a girlfriend. And a pretty clingy one at that. Barney: Look, Lily, are you going to help me out with this or not? Lily: I'm a kindergarten teacher. I see a confused, little kid in the corner trying to eat the lefty scissors, I gotta help the poor, little b*st*rd. But only if you stop sleeping around. Deal? Barney: Deal. At Metro News One... Robin: Coming up next, is your local ice cream man actually driving a roving meth lab on wheels? Stay tuned for the full... Scoop. Really? At the apartment, Ted and Stella are eating... Stella: I know dudes think it's girlie for a guy to cook, but us ladies? We find it mighty sexy. Ted: Really? You know... My grandma taught me how. Stella: Oh, yeah, she did. Ted: Yeah. I had a lot of time after school to watch her cook because I wasn't good at sports. Stella: I'm on fire right now. Delicious. What's in this pesto? Ted: Oh, you know, the usual: basil, garlic, olive oil, but can you guess my secret ingredient? Stella: Peanuts. Ted: Yes. How did you know that? Stella falls of her stair... A few moments later... Ted: OK, let me think, what else? Stella: You know what, sweetie? I woke up so early and I had a really long day at work. And there was that whole thing where you tried to kill me. Can we please just go to sleep? Ted: No, I clearly need to know more about you. Let's do firsts. First kiss? Stella: Dale Harris, second grade. You're talking like peck on the cheek or a full-on passionate making out? Ted. Passionate making out. Stella: OK, yeah, Dale Harris, second grade. Ted: First time you had s*x. Stella: Dale Harris, second... Ted: Stop it. Stella: Billy Devito, sophomore year of college. Ted: Prude. Molly McKenzie, junior year of high school. Stella: Slut. At Barney's apartment... Lily: Robin just needs to see this new see of you. Barney: So just call her up? Lily: Just call her up. Barney (on the phone): Hi, Robin..(he jabbers something and hang up) She wasn't there. I left a voice mail. Lily: You left a voice, but it wasn't male. Barney, I don't get it. You've called a million girls a million times. Barney: Yeah, but those were just booty calls. Flashback. 21h03. Barney's at the bar and calls someone... Barney (present): On a booty call, you barely even have to talk. Around 9:00 p.m., you say... Barney: Hey, baby, it's Barney. You busy tonight? Sweet. See you in half an hour? Can't wait. Barney (present): But the later it gets, the fewer words you need. Barney (on the phone) Barney. Busy? Sweet. Barney (present): And by 3:00 in the morning... The screan of Barney's phone shows a question mark followed by an exclamation mark. Barney: Sweet. End of flashback. Lily: A question mark? You got laid off a question mark? Barney: It's no worse than your super-obvious code words. Flashback. At the bar... Lily: Rhinoceros. Marshall: We have to go. End of flashback. Lily: Great. Now we need a new code word. Barney's phone rings Barney: Ah, ah, it's her, it's Robin. What do I do? No-no-no-no, aah! Robin... Great to hear from you. To what do I owe the pleasure? Robin: You called, said..., and hung up. What do you want? Barney (to lily): Help me! Lily: Just ask her something. Barney: How are you feeling today? Robin: Fine. Lily: Something personal. Barney: At what age did you first get your period? Robin: Did you just ask me about about my period? Barney: No, I did not. Robin: Look, Barney, I'm at work right now. Lily: Just ask her out. Barney: Robin, I was wondering if... Nothing. Gotta go. Bye. That was just a practical joke. I'm not really in love with Robin. You should've seen the look on your face. There's cameras right there and there and there. What a legendary prank that we're never going to speak of again. Lily looks and sees that there really is a camera... Lily: Gross. At the apartment Ted: First movie you ever saw. Stella: Benji,1981. I watched it recently with Lucy and I just thought, "Oh, that dog is so dead right now." What about you? Ted: My dad took me to an old drive-in to see the original Star Wars. Stella: You know, I've actually never seen Star Wars. Marshall and Ted are at the bar... Marshall: She's never seen Star Wars?! Ted, the only people in the universe who haven't seen Star Wars are the characters, and that's 'cause they lived them. That's 'cause they lived theStar Wars. Ted: You've got to calm down. Marshall: I told you. You didn't know this girl well enough. What if... you show it to her, she doesn't like it? Ted: Dude, it's just a movie. Marshall: Star Wars is your all-time favorite movie, and whether or not Stella likes it is actually important. It's like, it's a test of how compatible you guys are. Ted: It's just a movie. It's just a movie! [SCENE_BREAK] 121 awesome minutes later... Ted: If Stella doesn't like this movie, I can't marry her. Marshall: You can't. Ted: You want to watch it again? Marshall: I do. Barney and Lily are at the restaurant. Robin's already there... Barney: Where are the boys? I thought this was a group thing. Lily: I lied. They're not coming and I'm about to leave. Barney: Why? Lily: Because... they're not in love with Robin, and neither am I. I mean, she's great and sweet. I'm not going to pretend that I haven't noticed her body, but this is off topic. Good luck. Barney: Wait, wait, I can't do this. She'll never take me seriously. She thinks I'm some womanizing idiot. Lily: We both know you're more than that. Show Robin the Barney I met the other day. Barney: You mean the insecure, touchy-feely she-male who sounded alarmingly close to Ted? Lily: Ted hit that for over a year. Barney: Wish me luck. Barney goes to the table where Robin is. At Ted's apartment... Ted: I just thought it'd be fun to watch a movie tonight, and since you've never seen Star Wars, I figured why not? No big deal. It's pretty good. Stella: Sounds like a plan. I'm gonna grab a beer. You want one? Ted: The movie's already started, so... Stella: It's some words flying through space. I'm not going to read that anyway. Ted: Oh, my God. Marshall appears behind the couch. Marshall: Off to a bad start. Ted: What are you doing down there? Marshall: I'm making sure my best friend is marrying the right woman. That's what I'm doing. Ted: What are you doing, hiding behind the couch? You need to get a job. Marshall: I really do, don't I? At the restaurant... Barney: So, Robin... tell me about your day, and not just what happened, how you felt about what happened. Robin: What? Barney: I'm not looking to problem-solve, I'm just looking to listen. Robin: Why are you acting like this? Barney: Like what? Robin: You're being super nice. It's... freaking me out. Be... gross, be inappropriate. Be Barney. Barney: I'm being Barney, and I think tonight's going to be de... wait for it... lightful. Delightful. Robin: Right. So I went to the chiropractor yesterday. That guy bent me over the table and pounded me for a good hour. Barney: Is insurance going to cover that? Sometimes they don't. Robin: That's it? Today I was at the dentist. That guy drilled me all day long. He drilled me hard. He filled all of my cavities. Come on, man. Barney: Your teeth look fantastic. Robin: Who are you? At the apartment... Stella: What? Ted: Nothing. Stella: You were staring at me. Ted: You look really beautiful tonight. Stella: You don't look so bad yourself, mister. She kisses him on the neck Ted: Great scene, great scene. Star Wars fun fact number seven... George Lucas based the film's structure on Akira Kurosawa's The Hidden Fortress. He also owes a debt to Campbell's work with comparative mythology. Stella: Yeah, Ted, I'm losing wood over here. What's going on? Ted: Nothing. Stella: Wait, it's really important to you that I like this movie, isn't it? I'm not gonna like it with you staring at me the whole time. Go to your room and I will come get you when it's over. Go. Ted goes to his room. Marshall stands up from behind the couch which scares Stella and makes her drop the popcorn. Marshall: Should I leave, too? Ted: What part, what part? At the restaurant, the waitress leans over to pour the wine and shows her cleavage to Barney, but he leans over and looks at Robin. Barney: Thanks. Robin: Nothing? Not even a glance? Even I was thinking about rocking a motorboat on those bad boys. What the hell is wrong with you? Barney: I don't always want to be that guy. Sometimes I want to be someone you can have an actual conversation with. Now, tell me something about you that I don't know yet. Seriously. Robin: There's a job opening at a new cable network that would be perfect for me... completely legit world news, interviews with people who matter... but I decided I'm not going to apply. Barney: Why not? Robin: Because I'm a joke. I'm just the scary news lady from some stupid local news channel. Barney: We both know you're more than that. Promise me you'll apply. Robin: It's not as easy... Barney: Promise me you'll apply. Robin: I promise. Ted and Marshall are in Ted's room. Marshall: She's up to the scene where Luke, Leia, Han and Chewy escape from the Death Star's trash compactor. Ted: Great scene. Marshall: Great scene! Okay, we should have just heard... but Stella didn't make a peep. Ted: I'm gonna take a look. She's not even watching. She's texting. Marshall: I'll tell her you still want to be friends. Ted: I don't believe this. I believe, she knows this is important to me. She's blatantly...(Ted looks at his phone) "Stop watching me, jackasses." At the restaurant. Barney: To taking chances. Robin: To taking chances. Barney: You know, Robin, there's actually something, I do want to talk to you about. Barman: Last call. Barney: Of course it is. One more for the road? Robin: Yeah, why not? Hold that thought? Barney ; I will. Ted and Marshall are in the room. Stella comes in. Stella: I loved it. Ted: Yes! I am marrying a woman who is not only hot but loves Star Wars. That's the dream. Stella: What was that? Ted: I was high-fiving 15-Year-Old Me through the space-time continuum. We did it. We did it, you m*st*rb*t*ng little b*st*rd. Champagne for everybody. Ted leaves the room. Stella: It was so good. Marshall: You hated it, didn't you? Stella: It's so stupid. First of all, how do they understand that walking bear they hang around with all the time? Marshall: Wookiee. Stella: He goes nin nin nin... They're all like, "That's a good point, Bear, "let's try that." Marshall: He's a Wookiee, and his kind is actually more intelligent than they appear. That is Ted's favorite movie of all time. He watches it when he's home sick with the flu. He watches it on rainy Sunday afternoons in the fall. He watches it on Christmas Eve. Ted watches Star Wars in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad. Do you really think that you can pretend to like a movie that you actually hate for the rest of your life? Stella: I do. Marshall: Then, Ted's a lucky guy. Bear. At the restaurant. Robin comes back and Barney has two glasses. Barney: So, here's the deal. Robin: April, have... you met Barney? April just finished her shift, she's looking to blow off some steam. Barney: Would you excuse us for one sec? What are you doing? Robin: You were so nice to me tonight, I wanted to return the favor, wingwoman-style. So, as I was saying, Barney is the Yankees' new second-baseman. And Barney, April asked if tomorrow, you could hit a goal for her during the baseball match. You can't make this stuff up. So, you two kids have fun. April: So are you... nervous about the game? Barney: Yeah, I'm nervous for the other team 'cause when I step up to that plate... I am not a New York Yankee. Any other night, I would probably try to convince you that I am, but I'm not. I'm just some guy who's in love with the girl that just left, and she's never going to feel the same way. So I'm just going to go. Lily's at Barney's apartment. Barney: And that was it. Lily: I'm so sorry, Barney. You can't give up. You know, it may take some time, but once Robin sees the new you... April: When my family gets to Yankee Stadium, are the tickets under your name or mine? Barney: My name, and tell your nephews to bring their mitts. They're going to be in foul ball country. Come on. The Robin stuff was completely true. Lily: Damn it, Barney. I mean, for the last time, you can't... you can't be in love with Robin and still be sleeping with every bimbo on the planet. You have to choose right now. Barney: I choose bimbos. Lily: What? Barney: Bimbos make me happy. Bimbos make me feel alive. Bimbos make me want to pretend to be a better man. This whole thing with Robin was just a fling, but at the end of the day, my heart belongs to bimbos. Lily: This is just a defense mechanism, because you're afraid of getting hurt. You're just confused. Barney: Oh, I'm not confused. You know who is confused? Bimbos. They're easily confused. It's one of the thousand little things I love about them. I love their vacant, trusting stares, their sluggish, unencumbered minds, their unresolved daddy issues. I love them and they love me. Bimbos have always been there for me, through thick and thin. Mostly thin. B- man don't do thick crust. What up? Lily: See you, Barney. Lily leaves the apartment. Barney turns on the TV and watches Robin on Metro News One. The turns it off.

As Stella finally gives Ted an answer on his proposal, Barney realizes that he may be in love with Robin.

fd_Charmed_07x21

fd_Charmed_07x21_0

[Scene: Campus college. Parking garage.] (Tim is changing Phoebe's car tire.) Tim Cross: Can you hand me the tire iron? (Phoebe picks up a piece and hands it to him.) Phoebe: Uh, yeah, sure. Here. (He turns and looks at it.) Tim Cross: That's a lug bolt. Phoebe: Oh. (Phoebe laughs. Tim reaches for the tire iron.) Tim Cross: That's all right, I got it. (He starts changing the tire.) Phoebe: That's a tire iron, huh? Well, I really appreciate you doing this for me. I mean, I probably could've just called a tow truck, you know? Tim Cross: It's no problem. Too bad you didn't get this before class. You could've avoided Dr. Rousseau's lecture on cognitive dissonance. Phoebe: Yeah, pretty dull, huh? Tim Cross: I thought about leaving, but I felt bad about skipping class, so I ended up staying. Phoebe: To avoid your own dissonance? Tim Cross: You know, you're pretty good at this psychology stuff. Phoebe: You should read my column. Tim Cross: I do. Why don't we get together sometime and study? Phoebe: Well, I may not know the difference between a lug bolt and a tire iron, but I do believe that you just asked me out on a date, Tim. Tim Cross: Yeah, so ... how about dinner tomorrow night? Phoebe: Okay, but it's my treat. It's the least I can do. Tim Cross: Deal. Phoebe: So you're gonna take me up on that? Tim Cross: It's reverse psychology. (A demon covered completely in black appears in the garage. Tim turns and sees the demon.) Tim Cross: Whoa. (With a burst of speed, the demon rushes toward Tim and scratches him in the face. He falls to the ground.) (Phoebe gasps.) (The demon tries to hit Phoebe, but she blocks his arm and punches him in the chest. He swings at her and misses. She kicks him in the chest. He hits the wire fence impaling a rod through his chest.) (The demon explodes.) (Phoebe turns and finds Tim on the ground. He's not moving. She rushes over to him.) Phoebe: Tim. Tim! (shouts) Help! Somebody help me! OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Manor. Attic.] (Phoebe flips through the Book of Shadows.) (Piper walks into the attic.) Piper: Phoebe, what happened? Paige called and said you were attacked. Phoebe: No, I wasn't. A guy from my class was. Piper: Is he okay? Phoebe: No. He's dead. Piper: Oh, god. Phoebe: It was so weird. (Phoebe walks over to a chair and sits down.) Uh, one second, he was helping me with my flat tire, and then, the next ... and I don't get it. (Piper sits down next to her.) I mean, the demon didn't even seem interested in me. He just went right after Tim. Piper: Did you find anything in the book? Phoebe: It was a raptor demon, a hired gun. Piper: Hired by who? Phoebe: That's what we're trying to figure out. Paige is at the magic school trying to find a lead. (She sighs heavily.) I just don't understand why he attacked him. Piper: Well, there's gotta be a reason. How well did you know him? Phoebe: We always sat next to each other in class, and, you know, talked occasionally, and flirted a bit. In fact, he asked me out on a date for tomorrow night. That's just my luck, huh? (Phoebe stands up and heads over to the table in front of the attic window and starts fiddling with items.) Piper: Phoebe, stop it. It's not like you're cursed or something. Phoebe: We don't know that. I might be cursed. Piper: Look, we don't even know what's going on here. Tim could have been a witch or another demon. Phoebe: No, he's definitely not a demon. Piper: Okay, well, then, there's probably another reason. I don't know, but what I do know is it's not your fault. (Phoebe puts whatever is in her hands down and turns to look at Piper. Piper stands up.) Piper: Look, why don't you call Darryl and see if he can do a background check on Tim? Then maybe you should go to the morgue to see if you can get a premonition from his body. Phoebe: I really don't wanna see him. Piper: What if it's the only way to find out why he was killed? Phoebe: Okay. You keep checking the Book. (Phoebe turns and heads out of the attic.) Piper: Sure. (Piper turns and slowly walks over to the Book, her hand outstretched.) (As she gets closer to the Book, the Book zaps her. Piper goes flying backward across the attic room. She hits the floor with a thud and looks at the Book of Shadows.) Zankou (as Piper): Impressive. ("Piper" morphs into Zankou.) ZANKOU: Most impressive. But you're going to learn to like me yet. (Sitting on the floor, Zankou flames out.) (Camera moves over and holds on the Book of Shadows.) [Scene: Mausoleum.] (The Alchemist walks around the empty mausoleum. Zankou flames in.) Alchemist: Well, it's about time. Where's the body? (Zankou smiles.) Why didn't you bring it? (Zankou walks over to the Alchemist.) Zankou: Patience, my old friend. Have I ever failed to deliver on a promise? Alchemist: I don't know. It has been an eternity since we've ... worked together. Zankou: Yes, those were the days. The crusades, the September massacres, the black plague. Alchemist: Good times. Zankou: Good times. Good times. (The Alchemist turns and heads in one direction while Zankou turns and walks in the opposite direction.) Alchemist: So, let's get on with it already. Zankou: No. No, it's taken me months to get this far. I'm not gonna blow it all now by moving too quickly. Alchemist: I could understand. When the dead are involved, I get a little ... excited. Zankou: And that is exactly why you've never become anything more than an alchemist. You're unable to see the bigger picture. Alchemist: And you can? Zankou: (nods) I've studied the sisters. With all the knowledge I've gained, I'm going to shake them to their core, make them more vulnerable than they've ever been. Alchemist: So that's why you had Phoebe's friend killed. It seemed a little petty of you. Zankou: Heh. But he served a much greater purpose. Imagine how upset Phoebe will be when she realizes he died just because he knew her. Imagine how cursed she will feel. Alchemist: Do you really think that's enough to make them vulnerable? Zankou: Of course not. If I'm to get what I'm after, I'm going to have to attack them all. Not as witches, but as women. [Scene: San Francisco Police Department.] (Darryl walks through the hallway. He's on the phone.) Darryl: (to Phoebe) Okay, Phoebe, I will meet you at the morgue, but I'm telling you, this is not a good idea. (He turns the corner and sees Sheila standing in front of his desk.) Sheila Morris: Are you ready to go? (Darryl closes his cell.) Darryl: Sheila. Honey. Sheila Morris: Darryl? Please don't tell me you have to work. We bought these tickets three months ago. Darryl: Listen, I know. I know, and I am really, really sorry. But, look, why don't you take your friend Nadine? Sheila Morris: That's who I took last time. Can't you get somebody to cover for you? Darryl: Not on this one, I can't. Sheila Morris: It's the sisters, isn't it? Darryl: Yeah. Sheila Morris: Are they okay? Sheridan: Lieutenant, we need to talk. It seems a Halliwell has reported yet another suspicious murder. Darryl: You know what, Inspector Sheridan, you've met my wife Sheila, yeah? Sheridan: Oh. No, actually. It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm surprised we never met before. Sheila Morris: We did. Six months ago at the medal ceremony? (Sheridan stops and notices that Darryl is suddenly very nervous.) Sheridan: Oh, that must've been before I got hurt. Yeah, I've been having memory problems since then, so ... Sheila Morris: Really? Darryl never mentioned it. Darryl: You know what? We really gotta be going now. (Darryl grabs Sheila's hand and pulls her away from Sheridan.) Sheridan: Date night? Sheila Morris: (over her shoulder) It was. Darryl: (to Sheridan) I'll call you tomorrow, okay? (Darryl and Sheila walk over to a quiet spot in the bullpen.) Sheila Morris: What happened to her? Darryl: (shakes his head) You don't wanna know. Sheila Morris: Darryl, what aren't you telling me? Darryl: Look, honey, I really have to get to Phoebe. I'm sorry. (He kisses her on the cheek and walks away leaving Sheila unhappy. She turns around and glares in the direction Darryl headed off in.) [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Foyer.] (The front door opens. Piper, carrying Chris, Wyatt and Leo walk into the house. They're both carrying plastic bags.) Piper: (loud) Hello! We're home! (to Leo) Traffic was horrible. We should've been home an hour ago. (She closes the door behind them.) Leo: Well, we wanted a normal life. Afraid that means we give up the cosmic taxi. (They both head through the main hall toward the dining room.) Piper: Well, that doesn't mean I gave up the right to complain about it. (loudly) Phoebe! Paige! Leo: Where do you want the party supplies? Piper: Put 'em on the table. I'm not even really sure we're gonna need 'em. Leo: Why not? Piper: Well, I don't know if it's right to give Chris a birthday party when Phoebe's friend was just killed. Leo: Well, we can't put everything on hold every time a demon attacks. (Leo heads off into the dining room.) Piper: (sighs) Yeah. (Paige steps down from the stairs.) Paige: Hey. You guys are just getting home now? Piper: We started back when you called, but the freeway was a nightmare. How's Phoebe? Paige: Not so good. Piper: Is she upstairs? Paige: No, she's at the morgue. I thought she said you knew. Piper: How would I know? I haven't talked to her. (Piper heads for the conservatory. Paige follows her.) [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Conservatory.] (Piper puts Chris down in the playpen.) Paige: I'm kind of worried about Phoebe. Piper: Why? Paige: Well, I mean, I know we've seen a lot of death, but she's taking this one particularly hard. I was just talking to her on the phone, and she thinks she's, uh, cursed. Piper: Oh, that's silly. (Piper heads over to check on Wyatt who is playing with his toys.) Paige: Well, I know that, but I'm thinking if we can figure out why this guy was killed, maybe we can prove to her that she isn't. Leo: Did you find anything out at magic school? Paige: No, and I'm not gonna be able to go back there, either. I have to go meet Joanna. Piper: Joanna? Paige: My new charge. She's a whitelighter to be. She doesn't know magic exists yet, and thinks we're just friends. But the Elders are really worried about her, you know, kind of falling off the path, so I'm just gonna be there to guide her in the right direction. Leo: Then you should go. The Elders wouldn't worry unless they had a reason. Besides, Piper and I are here. We can help Phoebe. Paige: What about Chris' party? Piper: Uh, I think we're gonna have to postpone it. Leo: What? No. Paige: No, Phoebe would not want you to do that. Piper: I know, but -- Paige: No, look. We can make this work. I know we can. You keep planning that party. I'm gonna go meet my charge for a pep talk. By the time Phoebe's back, I'll be home. We can do this. (Paige orbs out.) (Piper leans toward Wyatt.) Piper: Mommy wants to teach you a new word. It's called "denial." (Leo shakes his head. Piper smiles up at him.) [Scene: View of the Morgue] [Scene: Morgue. Hallway.] (Darryl and Phoebe head through the hallway toward the morgue.) Darryl: Let's hurry up and get out of here. Sheridan's already suspicious enough. Phoebe: Darryl, I can't really worry about her right now. Darryl: Maybe you should worry. You know, that memory dust won't matter anymore if this keeps up. She's linked you to way too many murders. It's getting harder and harder to cover. Phoebe: I know, and I'm sorry about that, but she's got nothing. She's going off a hunch. Darryl: But if we accidentally trigger her memories, then everything comes back. Then that's it, it's over. For all of us. Phoebe: Well, maybe that's not such a bad thing. Darryl: What do you mean by that? Phoebe: Nothing. (Phoebe heads for the room.) [Scene: Morgue.] (Phoebe walks into the room. Darryl stands next to her.) Darryl: You sure you wanna do this? Phoebe: Yeah. I mean, I have to figure out what happened. (Darryl and Phoebe walk over to the black body bag on the side table. Darryl unzips the body bag and opens it for Phoebe to look at.) (Tim is dead.) Phoebe: Oh, God. Darryl: Maybe we should go. Phoebe: No. Ahem ... I have to do this. (Phoebe puts her hand over Tim's.) Darryl: It looks like somebody was trying to send a message. Phoebe: What? Why would you say that? Darryl: It's vicious, it's calculated. I see this all the time. It's like he makes you think twice when you see him. Maybe that's the point. (Phoebe shakes her head.) Darryl: Do demons send messages like this? Phoebe: Well, if it is a message, it's obviously for me. I gotta go. (Phoebe turns and leaves the room. Darryl zips up the bag, then follows her.) (As soon as they leave, Zankou and The Alchemist flame into the morgue. Zankou looks out the small window in the door.) Zankou: Poor Phoebe. So troubled. It's only gonna get worse for her. (The Alchemist heads toward Tim's body bag.) Alchemist: Hmm. So many bodies. It's a shame to take just one. (He unzips the bag, peels the flaps open and takes a deep breath.) Zankou: Well, business first, pleasure later. Can it be done? Alchemist: Rigor hasn't set in yet. It's barely a challenge. Zankou: I'll make it up to you, I promise. (Zankou smiles at the Alchemist.) Zankou: Let's get to work. (Zankou holds his hands over Tim's dead body. His hands and Tim's body both glow a very, bright white.) [Scene: Morgue. Hallway.] (Phoebe is on the phone out in the hallway while Darryl waits in the back.) Phoebe: (to phone) I'm telling you, Paige, it's the only thing that makes sense. Tim was killed because he was with me. INTERCUT WITH: [Scene: P3] (Paige is on the phone.) Paige: (to phone) Sweetie, look, you don't know that for sure, and there has to be some sort of an explanation, okay? (Darryl walks up to Phoebe.) Phoebe: (to phone) Well, I'm open to suggestions. Darryl: (interrupts) Phoebe, listen, we really, really have to go. Paige: (to phone) When I get home, we'll figure out who sent the demon. You need to get some rest, okay? That would be the best thing for you right now. Phoebe: (to phone) Rest? How am I supposed to rest when I am the reason that Tim is dead? Paige: (to phone) That's exactly why you need some sleep, because you are not thinking clearly. Phoebe: (to phone) Paige, don't talk to me like I'm crazy. I was there. I know what happened. Paige: (to phone) Okay, fine. When I get home, we will figure this out together, but for now, please, please try to get some rest. Take care, okay? (Phoebe hangs up.) Darryl: Listen. Phoebe, don't do this to yourself. It's not your fault. There's nothing you could have done. (But Phoebe's not listening. She walks away from Darryl.) [Scene: P3] (Joanna sits at the bar sipping her drink when Paige returns.) Paige: Hey. Sorry, that was my sister. Might have to cut this a little short. Joanna: Oh, that's okay. Karl didn't really want me coming out tonight anyway. Paige: Oh, you're still seeing him? Joanna: I know what you're going to say, Paige, but he's a good guy. I swear Paige: I'm just worried about you, that's all, 'cause, honestly, I kind of get a little bit of a ... bad vibe from him. Joanna: But you don't know him like I do. Paige: I just know you've had a tough time lately, and I don't want to see you get hurt by this guy. Joanna: I won't. I promise. Trust me, he's the only thing that's really good in my life right now. Well, other than you, of course. Paige: Well, thank you. Joanna: No, really, you've been such a good friend to me. I don't know what I would've done without you the last few weeks. Paige: Sweetie, here's the thing. You have an amazing future ahead of you. You're just gonna have to have a little faith. (Karl appears and smiles at Joanna.) Karl: Joanna. (He turns and sees Paige.) Karl: I thought I told you I didn't want you hanging out with her. Paige: What are you doing here? Karl: Getting her away from you. Joanna: Karl, don't be rude. Karl: Well, she's been trying to get between us from day one. I know she has. Look, come on. Let's get out of here. Joanna: I'll be right there. (Karl glares at Paige, then turns and leaves.) Joanna: He probably just had a bad day, that's all. Paige: Yeah, I'm sure that's what it is. You know, you don't have to go with him. Joanna: I'll be fine. I promise. I'll call you later, okay? (Paige nods. Joanna leaves.) [Scene: View of the Manor.] (Lightning flashes and thunder rumbles through the rain.) [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Phoebe's Bedroom.] (Phoebe tosses and turns as she sleeps.) (She rolls over and we see Tim in bed next to her, his face bloodied form the scratches.) (His eyes open.) (Phoebe's eyes open. She screams and jumps out of bed.) Zombie Tim Cross: It was your fault. (Phoebe turns and sees Zombie Tim in her bed. Tim gets up.) Zombie Tim Cross: I died because of you. Now I'm gonna make you pay! (Zombie Tim pushes Phoebe up against her bedroom wall. Phoebe pushes Zombie Tim away from her. She turns and opens her bedroom door and runs into Piper and Leo.) Piper: Phoebe, what -- what is it?! (Phoebe hides behind Leo.) Phoebe: He was trying to kill me! (Piper turns the light on.) (Aside from the rumpled bed, the bedroom is clear of zombies. Lightning flashes in the background.) Leo: Who? (Leo turns and looks at Phoebe.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Living Room.] (Piper carries in two mugs. She hands one to Phoebe as she tells her story to Piper, Leo and Paige. Phoebe takes her mug form Piper) Phoebe: I'm telling you, he was there. And he blamed me for letting him die. Paige: And you're sure you didn't just dream this? (Piper hands the second mug to Paige. She then walks over to take a seat on the sofa.) Phoebe: Yeah, I'm sure. How many times do I have to tell you that? Piper: Well, it's a valid question considering Leo and I didn't see anybody in your room. Phoebe: That doesn't mean he wasn't there. Piper: Okay, but isn't it possible that maybe you were just dreaming? Paige: You know, maybe it's your subconscious, because you have been feeling really guilty lately. Phoebe: It wasn't a dream. (Leo walks into the room carrying the Book of Shadows. He has it open to a page.) Leo: She might be right. I found something on the undead here in the Book. Paige: What do you mean, undead like zombies? (Leo goes to sit next to Piper on the sofa.) Leo: According to the Book, demonic alchemists have the ability to control the undead, but lack the power to bring them back to life. They need an upper-level demon for that. Piper: So now we're looking for two demons? Phoebe: Which means Tim will be back because he wants to make me pay. Who knows? Maybe I deserve it. (Phoebe puts her mug aside on the coffee table near her.) Piper: Phoebe, come on, you can't think like that. If the demons are behind this and they're controlling Tim, they're just trying to freak you out. Phoebe: Well, obviously, it's working. Piper: Which is exactly why you need to get back to business as usual before you drive yourself crazy. Why don't you go to work? Phoebe: I don't wanna go to work. Leo: Might not be such a bad idea. It's a public place. Nobody's gonna attack you there. Paige: Yeah, and as soon as we come up with some sort of plan, I'll come get you. Piper: Come on, you're not doing anybody any good like this. Just get up and go to work. Phoebe: (sighs) Okay. But if you find the alchemist, you have to come get me. (Paige's cell phone rings. She checks the caller I.D.) Paige: It's Joanna. (She gets up to answer it. Piper turns and looks at Leo.) Piper: Now can we cancel Chris' party? Before any walking dead crash it? Leo: I guess we have to. Piper: On the bright side, he's only one. He's not gonna remember it. Leo: (sighs) We will. (Paige returns.) Paige: She just got in a big fight with her boyfriend. She's really upset. I have to go. Piper: A lover's spat? Is that really something her whitelighter needs to deal with, especially right now? Paige: It's her boyfriend. I get a really bad vibe from him. I feel like he's gonna hurt her. Piper: Then you should go. (Paige leaves. Piper turns to Leo.) And we should call Morris and make sure that Tim's body is still in the morgue ... or not. [Scene: Mausoleum] (Tim's body is definitely not in the morgue. It's in on a concrete slab in the mausoleum. The Alchemist stands near Tim's head.) Alchemist: You don't need to keep him like this. Revive him. I can control him. (He turns to look over at Zankou standing in the back of the room.) Zankou: I'll revive him when I'm ready. Alchemist: But you've barely even used him. Zankou: I had to pull him out before piper saw him. I can't allow the sisters to figure us out too quickly. Alchemist: They will in time. Zankou: Of course, but by then they won't be able to ignore the emotional fallout. Besides, right now, your friend there will only distract us. We need to keep our eye on the prize. Alchemist: Your prize, not mine. Zankou: What if I were to give you a body that's been dead quite a bit longer. Would that satisfy your appetite? Alchemist: Depends. How long has he been dead? Zankou: Four years, give or take. Alchemist: Was he embalmed? Is the casket wood ... or metal? Zankou: Let's find out. (Zankou turns and looks over at the concrete slab behind him. He waves his hand and a metal casket appears on it.) Zankou: Ah, metal. What do you know? Interested? (The Alchemist walks over to the casket.) Alchemist: You know me too well. But why this body, out of all the wonderful choices in the world? (The Alchemist touches the metal casket.) Zankou: As I said, I know the sisters. This will help remind Phoebe of the cost of the eternal fight. All the innocents she failed to save. Alchemist: That's hardly enough to make all the sisters doubt themselves. Zankou: Oh, but as Phoebe loses faith in herself, she'll spread that feeling to the other two, starting with Paige, who, by then, will be ripe for a crisis of faith. I'll see to that. Alchemist: You better be sure about this. Zankou: Believe me, I am. (Zankou turns and looks over at Tim.) Zankou: The sisters and the Book of Shadows are linked. They always have been. And by weakening them, I'll weaken the Book's defenses, too ... enough to make it mine. [Scene: Morgue.] (Darryl steps into the morgue and walks over to the black body bag. The body bag is open and empty.) Darryl: Damn it. Sheridan: (o.s.) I figured you'd come by sooner or later. (Darryl turns around and finds Sheridan leaning up against the counter on the side of the room.) Darryl: What are you doing here, Sheridan? Sheridan: The coroner called the captain, told him Tim Cross' body was missing, and that you were the last one to see it. So you wanna tell me why you're here? Darryl: I got an anonymous tip. I decided to check it out. Sheridan: Any chance that that tip came from a Halliwell? Darryl: I said anonymous. Sheridan: I see. The coroner also said that you came by with a woman last night. Phoebe Halliwell? Darryl: She was friends with the victim. She needed closure. Sheridan: Well, she certainly must need a lot of closure, given the number of murders that she's been connected to, several of which include law enforcement officers. Trudeau, Rodriguez - Darryl: The sisters did not kill them. Sheridan: Morris ... Darryl. I know that you're a good cop, and I can't believe that you would help killers. Now, I don't know what these women have on you -- Darryl: They don't have anything on me. Sheridan: Then why are you protecting them? Do you know what you're doing to yourself? To your career? To your family? Does your wife even know the kind of risks that you're taking? Darryl: Leave her out of this. Sheridan: Then come clean with me. Tell me what you know. Maybe I can help you before it's too late. Before you force me to take you down, too. [Scene: Joanna's Apartment. Living Room.] (Paige talks with Joanna.) Paige: Honey, you're gonna be okay. You're gonna pull through this. Joanna: I'm not. This always happens just when I think I've found the right guy, it all falls apart. Paige: But Karl might not be the right guy for you. I mean, you might really be better off without him. Joanna: Why? So I can just be alone forever? As if my life isn't bad enough already. Paige: You can't talk like that. You can't just give up on yourself. Joanna: Says who? Sometimes I think maybe the world would be better off without me. Paige: No. That is absolutely not true. You're gonna have to believe me on that one. (Paige's phone rings. She checks the caller ID.) Paige: Ugh. Now what? Uh, just give me a second, okay? (Paige stands up.) (to phone) Hey. I thought you said you can do this without me. INTERCUT WITH: [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Kitchen.] (Piper is in the kitchen and on the phone.) Piper: Well, you know, things change. I just talked to Darryl. Tim's body is missing. Paige: Missing? Oh, I guess Phoebe wasn't dreaming after all. Piper: Okay, I'm gonna get to work on a vanquishing potion to get rid of the alchemist, and, hopefully, if we do that, it'll reverse his magic, and Tim can rest in peace. Paige: Well, yeah, but we still don't know why the alchemist is even doing this or who he's working with. Piper: Well, we're just gonna have to find him and make him tell us. So I need you to go get Phoebe and bring her home. Paige: I kinda don't wanna leave Joanna right now. Piper: Is it life or death? Paige: No. Piper: Well, this is. But, Paige, the faster we get rid of the demons, the faster you can get back to your charge. Paige: Fine, I'll be there as soon as I can. (Paige hangs up and turns around to Joanna.) Paige: Uh ... I'm gonna have to go. I've got a bit of a family emergency. Joanna: But what if Karl comes back? I don't wanna face him alone. Paige: You won't have to. All right, just call me. I will be here in a second. Joanna: But what if you're far away? Paige: If you really need me, just yell my name loudly. Joanna: But -- Paige: No buts. It's okay. All right? You have to trust me. I'm always watching out for you. I promise. (Paige walks over to the door. She stops and turns around.) Paige: Lock the door behind me, and if Karl comes by, do not open the door, all right? I'll be back as soon as I can. (Paige opens the door and leaves. Joanna walks over to the door and locks it.) (Joanna zips up her sweater.) Zankou (As Karl): (o.s.) What's the matter, Joanna? (Joanna looks up and sees "Karl" walking down the short hallway toward her. She's surprised to see him.) Zankou (As Karl): I thought you loved being alone with me. Joanna: Karl, how did you get in here? ("Karl" crosses his arms in front of him. He morphs back into Zankou.) Zankou: Magic. (Joanna turns and runs to the door.) (Zankou grabs Joanna's shoulder and turns her around. He grabs her by her neck.) Joanna: Pai -- Zankou: (mocks) Paige? Is that who you're trying to call out for? Well, I'm afraid Paige has abandoned you. (Zankou continues to choke Joanna. He lifts her completely off the ground by his grip around her neck.) Zankou: But if it makes you feel any better, I'm sure she'd be very upset she had to miss this. (Camera holds on Zankou.) [Scene: The Bay Mirror] (Phoebe hands her assistant a stack of letters to mail.) Phoebe: Can you send these priority mail? Actually, overnight them. These people need help right away. Assistant: What are they? Phoebe: Advice for my readers. Assistant: Wait, you're answering them directly now? Phoebe: We can only print so many in the paper. I don't wanna let anybody down. Also, you can send all my e-mails through. You don't have to sort through them, okay? Great, thanks. (Phoebe reaches for the door. She turns and pushes her assistant out the door, then closes it behind her.) (Paige orbs into the office and sighs.) Paige: I thought she'd never leave. Phoebe: Yeah, I'm sorry. It's just really busy here today. These letters don't answer themselves, you know. (Phoebe goes back to her desk and looks through more letters.) Paige: Well, great, you're feeling better then. Phoebe: Yeah. I know I didn't wanna come in, but you guys were right. It's really helped me a lot. Paige: Well, fantastic. Uh, okay. We should go. Because you told me to come get you when we have something, and, uh, we have something. Phoebe: Uh, can it wait? Paige: Excuse me? Phoebe: Well, it's just I have all these letters that I have to answer, not to mention e-mails and phone messages and faxes. Paige: So ... Phoebe: These people need me. I can't just let them down, you know? Paige: I see what's going on here, missy. Phoebe: What do you mean, "what's going on"? Nothing's going on. I'm just helping innocents in need, that's all. Paige: No, you are feeling guilty about what happened with Tim, and you're over-compensating. Phoebe: (scoffs) That is ridiculous. I am not. I'm just doing my job. Besides, I thought I was the one studying psychology. Paige: Okay, I may not have studied psychology, but I have studied you, and this is classic Phoebe. You're running away from your pain. Honey, you can not run away from this. Phoebe: Well, I can try, can't I? (Phoebe sits down.) He was just helping me with a flat tire. That's all. He didn't do anything wrong. He was just ... with me. And I'm supposed to deal with that? Paige: Well, I think you deal with it by vanquishing the demons responsible. You know, making Tim's death count for something. Phoebe: Yeah, but we don't even know who's responsible or why they're doing this. Paige: I'm starting to think there's only one demon who could be responsible for this. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Mausoleum] (Zankou stands next to another glowing, white body, his hands outstretched. The Alchemist watches him.) Alchemist: Careful. Take it easy. Careful. Not so much. (Zankou continues to holds his hands over the dead body.) Alchemist: (excited) Yes. Yes. He's alive! (The body on the concrete slab suddenly sits up, the identity of the person shrouded in the shadows.) Zankou: Welcome back, Inspector. Reece Davidson: Where am I? What am I doing here? Alchemist: Beginning your new life. (The Alchemist raises his hand and it glows purple in front of the Inspector's face.) Alchemist: What's the last thing you remember? (Quick flashback to: [Scene from 3X?: Death Takes a Halliwell] [Scene: Church.] (Piper and Phoebe pound on the glass outside the locked gate while Inspector Reece Davidson is inside the Church with the two Seekers.) Seeker 1: You've been so brave, Inspector. (The Seeker bares his teeth and takes a bite out of the back of Inspector Reece Davidson's neck.) Seeker 1: Don't ruin it now. (Outside, Piper and Phoebe are locked out. Piper pounds the locked gate with her hands.) Piper: Open the gate! (Reece Davidson falls to the floor.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Reece Davidson: A demon ... attacked me, bit me. Zankou: It killed you. More than four years ago, but I brought you back. Alchemist: We brought you back. Reece Davidson: I don't understand. Alchemist: Well, then let us help you, my child. (The Alchemist moves around Zankou and raises his hand over Inspector Reece Davidson's face. We hear the sound of magic happening.) Zankou: Do you remember Phoebe Halliwell? (Quick flashback to: [Scene from 3X11: Blinded by the Whitelighter] [Scene: Diner.] (Reece Davidson and Phoebe sit in a diner.) Reece Davidson (PAST): Look, Miss Halliwell, I think you know more than you're letting on, but you're scared. You're afraid if I find out the truth, you're gonna get in trouble. Am I right? Past Phoebe: I wish I could help you, but I can't - (echoes) but I can't. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Zankou: She could've warned you, saved you. Think of all that she cost you. Alchemist: A wife, a family. You were just doing your job. Zankou: It was quite selfish of her really. She lived on while they suffered, grieving over your death. It's time to even the score. (The Alchemist removes his glowing hand. Inspector Reece Davidson growls as Zankou smiles.) [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Kitchen.] (Piper adds more ingredients to the boils cauldron on the stovetop. Paige stands nearby. Phoebe quietly sits on the sink counter.) Piper: Zankou? Paige: Well, he's certainly powerful enough to help the alchemist, and he knows us well enough to try something like this. Maybe he's finally going after us. Phoebe: Yeah, but why kill an innocent? Why not just come after me? Paige: Maybe he's trying to break you down. Phoebe: (sighs) I'm beginning to like it better when I thought I was cursed. Piper: And you know you're not, right? Phoebe: Right, I do. Now. I should've just listened to you yesterday. Piper: What do you mean? Phoebe: You know, the talk we had in the attic. (Piper looks really puzzled. Phoebe begins to suspect something.) Phoebe: Wait, was that not you? Paige: Well, it's probably Zankou. He shape shifted into one of us before. (Phoebe slides down from her perch on the sink.) Phoebe: (to Paige) Okay, well, how do I know this is you now? (to Piper) How do I know you're not Zankou right now? Piper: Because I'm not. Phoebe: Prove it. Piper: Jake Singer, back seat, tenth grade. Can Zankou tell you all about that? Phoebe: I think I'm losing my mind. (Phoebe heads for the door.) Piper: Where are you going? Phoebe: To the book to find a way to vanquish Zankou before I really do lose my mind. (Phoebe walks out of the kitchen.) Paige: (sighs) What are we gonna do about her? Piper: The only thing we can do -- help her vanquish Zankou. Paige: Okay. Well, then, I guess we won't be needing that potion. Piper: Actually, we need to get to the Alchemist who can lead us to Zankou, and then, hopefully, when we get rid of both of them, Phoebe will be able to sleep again. (Leo walks into the kitchen.) Leo: Where's Phoebe going? Paige: Probably to a mental institution. Piper: Did you put the kids down for their nap? Leo: Yes, and I started calling all our friends to cancel Chris' party. Paige: Oh, I'm sorry you guys had to do that. Piper: Next year he'll have two. Paige: Well, I have to go check on Joanna, make sure she's okay. Piper: Okay. Hurry back. Paige: I will. (Paige orbs out.) [Scene: Joanna's Apartment. Living Room.] (There's a knock at the living room door.) Paige: (through door) Hey, Joanna, it's me, Paige. I'm back. (Paige continues to knock on the door.) Paige: Joanna, open up. Are you okay? (Paige opens the door.) Paige: I told you to keep the door locked. (She stops when she sees Joanna on the living room floor dead.) Paige: Oh, god. (Paige slowly sinks to her knees. Behind her, standing in the hallway and looking into the room through the open door, is Zankou. He smiles.) (Zankou flames out.) (Paige reaches down and lightly strokes Joanna's hair with her hand.) Paige: (crying) So sorry. I'm so sorry. [Scene: San Francisco Police Department] (Darryl returns to the police station. He walks into the bullpen and stops when he sees Sheila sitting in front of Inspector Sheridan's desk.) (Sheridan looks at Darryl.) Sheridan: Lieutenant, we've been waiting for you. (Sheila stands up and turns around. She looks upset.) Darryl: Sheila, what are you doing here? What's wrong? Sheridan: I called her. I thought that someone should fill her in. Sheila Morris: And I'm glad she did. At least somebody's telling me what's going on around here. Darryl: You are way out of line on this one, Inspector. Sheridan: Am I? I'll leave you two alone to talk. (Sheridan leaves.) Darryl: What did she tell you? Sheila Morris: She said you could lose your job or go to prison. Prison, Darryl. How could you hide this from me? Darryl: Sheila, I'm trying to protect you. Sheila Morris: I don't want to be protected. I wanna know we're not gonna lose you. Darryl: You are not about to lose me, and -- Sheila Morris: You don't know that. Darryl: Did you say anything to her about them? Sheila Morris: Don't worry, I kept their secret. I always will, no matter what happens. But come on, Darryl. I know you've had to struggle with this, with how far you can go to help the sisters. Darryl: Baby, I'm so passed that. Sheila Morris: No, you're not. How can you be? I used to stay up late nights, worrying whether you were gonna come home at night because of all the criminals out there. That is nothing compared to what I have to worry about now. Darryl: Sheila, look, this is not the time or the place. Sheila Morris: No? When is the time? When I bring our kids to jail to see you, or to your funeral? This is not your fight, Darryl, it's theirs. (Darryl's phone starts to ring. He checks the caller ID.) Sheila Morris: It's them, isn't it? (The phone continues to ring.) Sheila Morris: Please don't answer that, Darryl. I'm begging you. [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Conservatory.] (Paige stands near the conservatory windows. She's on the phone.) Paige: (mutters) Come on, Darryl. Pick up the phone. (Darryl steps up close to Sheila to whisper into her ear.) Darryl: Sheila, baby, they are in trouble. Sheila Morris: So are we. It's our family or theirs. [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Conservatory.] (Paige hangs up the phone and slams it down on the wicker table.) Paige: Daryl's not answering. How can he not answer? (Paige sits down. Piper sits in the chair, thinking. Leo stands nearby watching them.) Piper: I'm beginning to think he can't help anyway. Paige: Well, I have to call the police, okay, because I can't let Karl just get away with this. I should've been there with her. I should not have left her alone. Leo: You can't blame yourself. You have other responsibilities you can't ignore either. Paige: But you said I'm supposed to be able to sense my charges, and I didn't sense anything, so can you tell me what the hell is wrong with me. Leo: Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you. It takes time to form the bond between charges and whitelighters, that's all. Paige: (upset) That's not good enough, because I promised her that I was gonna be there and I failed. Piper: No, you didn't, sweetie. I think Zankou wants you to think you did. Leo: Zankou? Piper: It has to be him. First, Phoebe's friend and now her charge. That can't be a coincidence. Paige: What, you think Karl's working with Zankou? Piper: I think he is Zankou. Think about it. He knew exactly what he was doing. He's targeting the people in our lives. Leo: Well, what good would that do? Piper: I don't know. Maybe if he thinks we're rattled enough we'll be vulnerable. Paige: But no one in your life has been targeted. Piper: No, not yet, but that's why you need to get Leo and the boys to magic school right away. Leo: (sighs) Look, we've been through this. I'm not gonna run and hide every time a demon attacks. (Piper stands up and walks over to Leo.) Piper: Leo, this is not just another demon, and this is not about you hiding. This is about the safety of our family. You need to go now. Leo: All right. I'll get the boys. (Leo leaves.) Paige: What about the other people in your life? Piper: The best way to protect them is to get to Zankou, and for that, we need Phoebe. [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Attic.] (Phoebe is in the attic sitting at the table with the Book of Shadows open in front of her. She's taking down some notes and lets out a large yawn.) (The overhead light switches off casting the attic into darkness and leaving Phoebe with the light from her desk lamp. The floorboards creak.) Phoebe: Piper? Paige? (Over in the darkened doorway is Inspector Reece Davidson. His face is cast in the shadows.) Reece Davidson: Guess again. (Phoebe is startled. Inspector Reece Davidson starts heading toward Phoebe. Still, she cant' see his face.) Phoebe: Who are you? What do you want? Reece Davidson: What you took from me -- my life! (Inspector Reece Davidson steps into the light and we see his face complete with decomposing flesh.) (Phoebe stands up.) Reece Davidson: What's the matter? Don't you recognize me? Phoebe: Inspector Davidson. Reece Davidson: In the flesh ... or what's left of it. Phoebe: Oh, no, not again. (Phoebe tries to run past him, but Inspector Reece Davidson grabs Phoebe by her arm, stopping her.) Reece Davidson: Hold on! Hold on! I want to talk to you. I think you owe me that much. Phoebe: Who did this to you? Zankou? Reece Davidson: I didn't get a name. But it was obviously someone who knows you pretty damn well. Don't worry. Death's not so bad. I think you're gonna like it. Phoebe: I tried to save you. Reece Davidson: You should've tried harder! Phoebe: I couldn't. The Angel of Death was after you. Reece Davidson: At the end, see, but you're forgetting about all the months before, all those times I asked you to come clean with me. If you told me the truth just once ... Phoebe: I couldn't. I'm sorry. Reece Davidson: Did you come to my funeral? Did you see my wife, my kids? (Phoebe shakes her head.) They're growing up without a father because of you. Phoebe: I am so sorry. Reece Davison: Oh, I bet you are, now. And you're gonna be even more sorry when I'm through with you. (Phoebe runs for the door.) (Inspector Reece Davidson runs after her.) [Scene: Halliwell Manor. First floor Hallway] (Phoebe runs down the attic stairs.) Phoebe: Paige! (Inspector Reece Davidson runs quickly after her.) Phoebe: Piper! Piper! (Inspector Reece Davidson vanishes.) (Phoebe turns the corner running. She sees Piper.) Phoebe: Piper, he's right behind me! Get him! Get him! (Piper looks and sees nothing.) Piper: Phoebe, there's no one there. Phoebe: He ...was there. I swear it. Piper: Who? Phoebe: Inspector Davidson. Piper: Reece Davidson? He died four years ago. [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Attic.] (Zankou flames into the attic. On the table, just where Phoebe left it, is the open Book of Shadows.) (Zankou walks up to the Book. He raises his hands and blasts the Book with a beam of white energy.) (The Book's shield surrounds it, blocking off the attack.) (Zankou pulls back.) (The white energy and the Book's shield both vanish.) (He takes a deep breath and plunges his hands toward the Book's shield. The Book's shield surrounds it. It crackles with a fiery hot energy. Zankou persists as his hands plunge closer toward the Book.) (But it proves too much for him. He pulls back and the Book's shield vanish.) (He smiles a little.) Zankou: Getting closer. (He looks up to the side and takes a deep breath.) Zankou: I guess I'm gonna have to kick things up a notch. [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Attic.] (The attic is dark. Piper reaches up and pulls on the draw string to turn the light on.) Piper: It's clear. No one dead or undead. Phoebe: Are you sure? Piper: Pretty sure, unless they're invisible. Phoebe: Wait. You think they could be invisible? (Piper walks into the attic.) Piper: No. Come on, we've got to find the alchemist and hopefully Zankou. (shouts behind her) Paige! (Paige orbs into the attic.) Paige: What? I was just getting Leo and the boys settled in at magic school. Piper: I need you to see if you can find Joanna, quickly. Paige: I thought I told you, she's dead. Piper: Yeah. Not for long. Phoebe: Wait, you think Joanna's gonna come back, too? Piper: I'm counting on it. So you need to see if you can sense her. (Paige takes a breath and concentrates.) Phoebe: Anything? Paige: No, but Leo said our bond hadn't fully formed yet. Piper: Okay, then we're gonna have to scry for her the old fashioned way. (Piper walks over to the table and picks up the map and scrying crystal.) Paige: Do you think she's even gonna turn into a zombie? Piper: It fits the pattern. (Piper puts the map down on the table, then starts clearing it.) Phoebe: And trust me, you don't want to be surprised once it happens. Piper: Just concentrate. She was your charge. If anybody can find her, you can. (Piper carries the Book of Shadows away. Paige picks up the crystal and starts swinging it over the map.) Paige: You know, I'd really rather not find her, considering I'm the reason she's dead. Phoebe: Join the club. (Piper is standing over at the book stand.) Piper: Look, the faster we find Joanna's body, we'll find the alchemist and hopefully Zankou before he kills anybody else in our lives. (She puts the Book of Shadows on the stand.) (The crystal hits the map.) Paige: Found her. Cemetery. Phoebe: (shakes her head) Not good. Never good. (Camera holds on Piper.) [Scene: Mausoleum.] (Joanna is dead, lying flat on her back on the cold, concrete slab.) (Paige, Piper and Phoebe orb into the mausoleum.) Paige: Oh, god, that's her. (Joanna's eyes open. She turns her head and looks at Paige.) Joanna: Miss me? (Joanna gets up. Piper gasps and they all take a step backward.) (Reece Davidson comes up behind Piper and Tim moves behind Phoebe.) Reece Davidson: Looks like it's time for payback. (The girls are surprised and quickly turn around to them.) Phoebe: Look, we don't want to hurt you. Tim Cross: It's a little late for that. Phoebe: Paige, maybe you should orb us out of here. (Joanna steps up behind Paige.) Piper: No, the alchemist has to be around here somewhere. Alchemist: (o.s.) I see my reputation precedes me. (They turn and see the Alchemist step out from the back area.) Alchemist: But if you want to get to me, you have to get through them. (Three zombies - two male and one female - step in front of the Alchemist, protecting him.) (He chuckles.) (The Alchemist holds out his hand. The palm glows and the three zombies head toward the girls.) Piper: Those are all innocents I've lost. Reece Davidson: That's right. You three have done a hell of a lot of damage in your time. Tim Cross: Seriously, have you done any good at all?! (Tim steps toward, grabs Phoebe and throws her across the mausoleum. Phoebe hits the wall and slides down to the floor, her hand releasing her hold on the vial.) Paige: (shouts) Phoebe! (Joanna steps toward Paige.) Joanna: Friend, my ass. (Piper looks around, then turns. In the background, we hear the Alchemist chuckling. His hands are glowing bright pink as he guides his zombies to attack the Charmed Ones.) (Piper runs over to the wall and removes the torch hanging on the holder. She uses it to keep the zombies away from her.) Alchemist: Yes. Yes, my children. Good! (Reece and Tim grab Phoebe. They pull her up to the cold, concrete slab.) (Piper continues to swing the burning torch at the zombies.) (Joanna grabs an old bone and knocks the potions vial out of Paige's grip. Paige struggles to keep Joanna from hitting her with the bone.) (Piper swings the torch. The zombie grabs the torch from Piper and tosses it aside.) Piper: Don't make me do this. (Piper looks around and sees Phoebe in trouble, struggling against Reece and Tim. Paige is on the ground fighting Joanna.) (Piper closes her eyes.) Piper: God help us. (She waves her hands and blasts the nearest zombie. He shatters into dust.) (She turns and blasts the other two zombies - they both explode into dust.) (The Alchemist can't believe what he's seeing.) Alchemist: (shouts) No. (Joanna hears the scream and looks up.) Alchemist: (shouts) No! (Paige uses the distraction, reaches for the vial and smashes it against Joanna. She shatters into dust.) (Piper waves her hands and blasts Reece and Tim. They both explode.) (Phoebe continues to struggle, then realizes that they're gone. She gets up.) (Paige gets to her feet.) (They both rush to stand next to Piper, who appears to be in a little shock at what she just did.) Phoebe: (reassures) It's okay, you had to. Paige: We all had to. Alchemist: You! He told me you wouldn't, you couldn't. Zankou: (o.s.) I lied. (They turn and find Zankou standing at the base of the stairs.) (He throws a fireball at the Alchemist, blowing him up.) Zankou: He served his purpose. Piper: Why would you do that? What do you have to gain? Zankou: (shrugs) You'll soon find out. (Zankou flames out leaving Paige, Phoebe and Piper puzzled by what's going on.) [Scene: San Francisco Police Department.] (Inspector Sheridan is sitting at her desk going through some files. Darryl walks up to her.) Darryl: Inspector Sheridan, you got a minute? First of all, you had no right - Sheridan: I had every right. We're cops. Crimes were being committed, and that gives me the right. Look, as I said before, you are either with me on this or you're against me. Darryl: I'm taking some vacation time ... to be with my family. Sheridan: That's curious timing. Darryl: I don't like being put in this position. Sheridan: You put yourself in this position, Lieutenant. Darryl: You're not gonna be able to take them down. They won't let you. Sheridan: What, is that supposed to be some kind of a threat? Darryl: It's a friendly warning. What they're doing ... and what they're all about, it's above reproach. (He leans in close.) I wouldn't mess with them if I were you. (She leans in close.) Sheridan: Have a nice vacation. (She smiles. Darryl leaves.) (She sighs.) [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Attic.] (Paige, Phoebe and Piper walk into the attic.) Paige: Well, why can't we try to vanquish Zankou the same way we vanquished The Source? Phoebe: He'll be ready for that. That's why we need something new. (They stop in the center of the attic.) Piper: Why did he vanquish the Alchemist himself? (Camera moves over to the Book stand and we see the Book of Shadows is gone.) Paige: I don't know. Maybe there's something in the Book. (Paige looks at the bookstand and finds the Book missing.) Paige: Where's the Book? (They walk toward the bookstand.) Paige: Oh. Zankou. Phoebe: Yeah, but how did he get it? (Piper looks around the attic.) Piper: Doesn't matter. He's got it now. Paige: The question is, what's he gonna do with it? [Scene: Mausoleum] (Zankou sits on the old crypt flipping through the pages of the Book of Shadows. He chuckles to himself.) Zankou: Now the fun really begins. (Zankou laughs.)

Through the help of an evil alchemist, Zankou is able to cast a spell on the sisters to face the innocents they lost, thinking that it's the best and easiest way to weaken them and gain control of the Book of Shadows. Inspector Sheridan grows increasingly suspicious of Darryl after seeing him help Phoebe and tries to get him to confess that the sisters are evil. Paige get a new charge: a future Whitelighter and attempts to get her to continue down her path of goodness.

fd_FRIENDS_08x02

fd_FRIENDS_08x02_0

[Scene: The Hotel Lobby, Rachel and Phoebe are at the front desk checking out.] Rachel: Listen y'know what sir? For the last time, I don't care what the computer says, we did not take a bag of Mashuga nuts from the mini-bar and we did not watch Dr. Do-Me-A-Little! Joey: (entering) Hey! Phoebe: Oh! Joey uh, were you in our room last night? Joey: No. (Phoebe grabs the receipt and shows it to Joey who gets mad.) I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill! (Chandler and Monica enter.) Chandler: (to the front desk clerk) Hi! We're checking out of the bridal suite. Monica: (depressed) That's right. I'm no longer a bride. I'll never be a bride again. Now, I'm just someone's wife! Chandler: And I'm the happiest guy in the world! (Monica goes and sits down in a huff.) Oh honey, come on don't be upset. We still have so much to look forward to! Monica: Oh yeah, right. (Rolls her eyes.) Chandler: We got the honeymoon. Monica: That's not 'til Thursday. Chandler: The wedding pictures? Monica: They won't be ready for weeks. Chandler: Not the disposable cameras from the tables. Monica: That's true! (Happily) I knew I married you for a reason! Chandler: I'll tell you what, I will go get them developed and you can go home. Monica: Okay. (Joey giggles.) Chandler: What? What did you take a picture of? Joey: Nothing! It was something. Chandler: Okay Ross has the cameras, has he checked out yet? Rachel: Are you joking? Check out is not 'til noon and he has a good (checks her watch) eleven minutes left. Chandler: Oh. Monica: Ross has never checked out of a room a minute before he had to. Rachel: Yeah, one time, when we were dating, uh we got a late checkout, he got so excited it was the best s*x we ever had. Until y'know, he screamed out Radisson at the end. Chandler: Okay, well I'm gonna get Ross, get the cameras, and get them developed. (Joey laughs again.) 32 Joe. You're 32! (Exits) Front Desk Clerk: (To Monica) Here's a copy of your bill. Monica: Oh thanks. (Reading the bill) Champagne, strawberries...Oh my God! I can't believe Chandler ordered p0rn on our wedding night! Joey: Yeah, that's sad. Mashuga nut? Opening Credits [Scene: Ross's Hotel Room, he is letting Chandler in.] Ross: Hi. Chandler: Hey. (He sees that Ross is packing all of the hotel toiletries) Soaps? Shampoos? Are you really taking all this stuff? Ross: Why not? It's built into the price of the room. Chandler: Yeah but you don't need-(Picks up something)-What is this? Ross: Thread! Chandler: Score! Where are the disposable cameras? Ross: What disposable cameras? Chandler: The cameras? Remember last night I told you to take them? Ross: No you didn't. Chandler: Yes! Remember? Right before we cut the cake, I went up to you and I said... Ross: Oh-oh yeah, you-you came up to me and asked if I could do you a favor, and my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, "Why do they call it a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?" (Chandler laughs.) Yeah, then you did that. Chandler: So you don't have the cameras?! Ross: No. Sorry man. Chandler: So? What? What? They're gone! Monica's gonna freak! Ross: Well, I'm sure they're still somewhere here in the hotel. I'll-I'll help you look for them. Chandler: Great. Ross: In-in three minutes. (Chandler goes into the bathroom, closes the door, and then opens it again right away. Ross looks up and hands him the toilet paper Ross already packed.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is entering to see Monica sitting in front of a mound of wedding gifts.] Phoebe: Hey! Monica: Hey! Phoebe: Are you gonna open the presents without Chandler? Monica: No! (Pause) But, they're callin' out to me! I mean this little guy (Holds up a small one) even crawled up into my lap. Oh come on, Chandler wouldn't mind if I opened just one present! What do you think it is? Phoebe: A little mirror that when you look into it you see yourself as an old woman. (Monica opens it anyways.) Monica: A tiny salt shaker!!! Phoebe: Ohhh! My God! For tiny salt! Monica: Oh wow! Okay. Well that was fun. Phoebe: Oh yeah. Monica: Good. Okay, I'm just gonna wait for Chandler to open the rest of them. Phoebe: Okay. Monica: Whew. Although y'know, this is part of a salt and pepper set. I mean... I guess y'know it may just count as a half a present. What do you think? Phoebe: Well I guess it's okay to open one more if it's part of a set. Y'know, it's probably this one. (Grabs another small one.) Monica: Or this one! (She grabs and starts to open the biggest present.) Rachel: (entering) Hi. Monica: Hey, how are you feelin'? Any morning sickness? Rachel: Shh-shh-shh! The guys don't know yet do they? Monica: No! Joey and Ross don't know anything and Chandler still thinks that Phoebe's pregnant. Phoebe: Yeah that's right Chandler does still think I'm pregnant. He hasn't asked me how I'm feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. (Monica looks at her.) After you of course. Rachel: Don't worry I promise that you will only have to be pregnant for a few more hours, 'cause I'm going to tell the father today. Phoebe: Ooh, is it someone in this building? Is it that tall guy from the first floor? Rachel: Ew! No! Phoebe: What?! I think he's cute. Rachel: Well then you have his baby. Phoebe: Believe me I'm trying. Monica: Wow. Y'know it is so weird. I mean, you're gonna tell this guy today and he has no idea what's gonna happen. Phoebe: Yeah. You're just gonna knock on his door and change his life forever. You're like Ed McMahon except without the big check, or the raw sexual magnetism. Rachel: Yeah. Uh-huh, I guess it is pretty big news. Phoebe: Pretty big? It's huge! God, this guy doesn't have a clue! He's just walking down the street thinking, 'I had s*x with Rachel Green. I rock!' then bam! He's a father and everything's different. Rachel: Well it's only different if he wants it to be. I mean, I'm not gonna ask him for anything. Phoebe: Okay. Then he still has this huge decision to make. Now he's walking around thinking, 'Do I want to be a dad?' and then bam! Monica: What was that bam? Phoebe: I don't. He got...he-he-he-he's hit by a bus. Joey: (entering) Hey! Rachel: Hey Joey, what would you do if someone that you slept with told you that she was pregnant? Joey: (warily) Who called here? Did she sound blond? Huh? Did-did-did she have an accent? I gotta make a call! (Starts to leave) I shoulda never walked into that Sunglass Hut! Rachel: Oh Joey! Joey! No, it's not you! You didn't get anybody pregnant! Joey: Oh. Why would you scare me like that? What the hell is going on? (Pause.) Is somebody pregnant? Phoebe: Oh yeah. That's me. Joey: Oh my God Pheebs! You're gonna have a baby? Phoebe: Yes. Yes I am. Oh my God, I'm gonna have a baby! (Joey and Phoebe hug.) Joey: Whoa, wait a minute. Who's the father? Phoebe: You don't know him. It's not important. He wants nothing to do with me or the baby. (She sits down like she's pregnant.) Joey: Well who is this guy?! Huh? Who is he? 'Cause I will track him down and kick his ass! Phoebe: David Lynn. Joey: David Lynn! David Lynn! David Lynn!! (Exits) Monica: Who's David Lynn? Phoebe: Oh some guy from my gym. A little annoying. [Scene: The Banquet Room, Chandler is under one of the tables as Ross enters.] Ross: Chandler? Chandler: Hey! Did you find the cameras? Ross: No. Did you? Chandler: Yes! And that's why I'm under the table. Celebrating. Ross: Well I checked in the uh, lost and found, I talked to the manager, no-one's turned them. Chandler: Well this is great. Y'know, those cameras were the only thing that was gonna cheer Monica up today, she's really depressed. Ross: Now you guys just got married, why is she so depressed? Chandler: All my energy is going into not asking that question. I can't believe I screwed this up! Ross: I'm sorry man. (Formally dressed people start to enter.) Here's a thought. This is the same ballroom. There's a band. There's gonna be plenty of dressed up people. Chandler: Are you suggesting we dance our troubles away? Ross: No-no-no, I'm saying we-we buy more of this (disposable cameras) at the gift shop, throw our tuxes back on, and take a few pictures. All we have to do is make sure not to get anybody else's faces. Chandler: Are you serious? Ross: I'm just thinking about your new bride at home. Okay? Do-do you really want to start your life together by letting her down? Chandler: Marriage advice? Really?! Ross: I'm telling you, this looks exactly like your wedding! Aren't these the same flowers? Chandler: I don't know, Monica picked out the flowers. Ross: What about the chairs? Chandler: She picked those out too. Ross: How about the place settings? Chandler: That was her. Ross: What did you do? Chandler: I was in charge of the cameras! Gift shop? Ross: Hmm. (They head off to the gift shop.) [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting on the couch as Phoebe enters.] Phoebe: Hey! Ooh, did you do it yet? Rachel: Not yet. Phoebe: Oh, well what are you doing here? Are you about to do it? (Gasps) Is it Gunther? Rachel: No! Phoebe, it's not Gunther. Phoebe: Thank God, 'cause that hair on a baby... Rachel: Phoebe the father is not here okay? I haven't told him yet and I don't think I can tell him at all now! Phoebe: Why not? Rachel: I don't know, let me think. I was walking down the street thinking, 'I'm gonna tell the father today' and then bam! Phoebe: Bus? Rachel: No, you! Phoebe you freaked me out. You kept saying how huge this all is! Phoebe: Well-well but it is huge. Rachel: I know, but I was just thinking about how huge this is for me. I didn't even go to how huge this was going to be for the father. Phoebe: You're thinking about this way too much. Just tell him and get it over with. It's like, it's like ripping off this Band-Aid. (On her arm) Quick and painless, watch. (Rips it off.) Oh mother of...See? [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Obsessive Monica has now opened more of the wedding gifts.] Joey: (entering) Ooh-ooh-ooh! Are we opening presents? Monica: No! No! I shouldn't have even opened these! I mean I-Joey I am out of control!! Joey, you have to do me a favor. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, please do not let me open another present! Okay? Joey: Okay. Monica: Give me one more. Joey: Okay. (Hands her one.) Phoebe: (entering) Hey. Joey: Oh good, uh you're here. Uh Pheebs? Listen uh sit down. I-I got something I want to say. Phoebe: All right. (She sits down like she's pregnant again.) Joey: Umm, now uh... It's a scary world out there, especially for a single mom. Y'know, now I always thought you and I had a special bond so... (He goes to one knee and pulls out a ring.) Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me? Monica: Oh my God! Joey! Phoebe: Hell yeah! I'll marry you! (She grabs the ring and puts it on.) Monica: You can't marry him! Phoebe: Hey lady, your day's over! It's my turn! Monica: Phoebe! Joey: Why?! Why can't she marry me?! Phoebe: I can and I will! (Kisses him.) Monica: She's not pregnant. It's Rachel. Rachel's the one who's pregnant. Joey: Oh my God. Phoebe: Hey! Monica: Phoebe I think he would notice if you didn't have a baby in nine months! Phoebe: It's Joey! (Joey turns and looks at her and she mouths 'I love you' to him.) Joey: (smiles then stops) Now I can't believe it! What? Rachel's pregnant? (The girls nod yes.) Who's the father? Phoebe: We don't know. Joey: Ohh... I wonder if that dude. Monica: There's a dude? Joey: Yeah. Phoebe: Who? Who is it? Joey: About a month ago this guy spent the night with Rachel, I didn't see who it was but... (He walks out and closes the door.) Phoebe: Was that story over? (They follow him and meet him in the hall coming out of his apartment carrying a sweater.) Joey: The guy left this. Phoebe: (gasps) Oh my God! I know who the father is... (She walks into Monica and Chandler's.) Monica: People have got to finish their stories! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Banquet Room, Ross and Chandler are in their tuxes and have started to fake the pictures.] Chandler: (to another couple) Uh, excuse me? Could you take a picture of us? Woman At The Wedding: Oh! Of course. (Ross and Chandler pose and she takes the picture.) Man At The Wedding: Uh, would you take one of us? Chandler: Uhh... Yeah sure. (Holds the camera up to his face.) Click! Woman At The Wedding: It didn't click. Ross: I heard it. I heard it. Man At The Wedding: But there was no flash. Woman At The Wedding: Why won't you take our picture? Chandler: Oh yeah. I'll take, I'll take your picture. (He takes the picture with his finger over the lens.) Man At The Wedding: Uh, your finger was covering the lens. Chandler: Who are you? Ansel Adams?! Get outta here! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside Central Perk, Rachel and Phoebe are about to go inside.] Phoebe: Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before, so I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you can tell him. Go! Rachel: What? Hey wait a minute! Phoebe, how do you even know who the father is? Phoebe: I may play the fool at times, but I'm a little more than a pretty blond girl with an ass that won't quit. (She takes the sweater out of her purse.) I believe this belongs to the father of your baby. Rachel: Oh God... Oh, he's in there right now? Phoebe: Uh-huh. Now you can turn around or you can go in there and rip the Band-Aid off. What to you want to do? Rachel: Uh, let's rip! Phoebe: Really? Are you sure? Rachel: Oh Phoebe! Phoebe: Okay, sorry. Yeah. (They go inside to confront the father.) Tag: Hey Rach. [Scene: The Banquet Room, Ross is taking a picture of a plant, Chandler a fork. The band stops.] Chandler: Why don't you go up on stage. I'll get a picture of you doing the speech. Ross: Okay. Okay! (He goes up on stage, mimes like he's giving the speech, and Chandler takes his picture. However, before he gets down everyone starts clinking their glasses for a real speech.) Ross: Will the owner of a 1995 Buick LeSabre please see the front desk? Your car is about to be towed. Anxious Wedding Guest: (rushing up) That's my car! Ross: A '95 LeSabre?! Anxious Wedding Guest: Yes! Ross: A green LeSabre? Anxious Wedding Guest: Yes! Ross: I'm sorry, I meant a blue LeSabre. Anxious Wedding Guest: Yes! Green-blue! Ross: Well go! Go move it! (He runs off.) Chandler: Okay, you ready for the last picture? Ross: Yeah. Chandler: Get ready to run. (Chandler walks over to the new bride.) Congratulations on your wedding. (He grabs her, kisses her, Ross takes the picture, and they both run out.) [Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier.] Tag: So, what's this about? Phoebe: Rachel has something that she wants to tell you and umm, I believe that this is your red sweater. Tag: No. (Unzips his coat.) This is my red sweater. Phoebe: Oh no. Could I get anyone a coffee or...poison? No? Just for me? Okay. (Walks away.) Tag: What's going on Rach? Rachel: Nothing! Phoebe kinda made a mistake. But y'know you do wear that sweater a lot, are you involved in some kind of dare? Tag: Y'know, I'm actually glad Phoebe called. (He pulls out a stool and Rachel sits down.) I know we broke up because you thought I wasn't mature enough, but I've really grown up and think we should get back together. Rachel: Oh, it's just not the right time. Tag: It is the right time. (Takes her hand.) Rachel: Okay. Tag: I'm ready for more. Rachel: Tag... Tag: Come on Rach, let's give it another try. Rachel: I'm having a baby. Tag: Oh. (He drops her hand.) (Pause) Rachel: You can go. Tag: Thank you. (Gets up and hurries out.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Obsessive Monica has finished opening all the presents. She's ashamed of this, at least, because as someone enters...] Monica: (throwing up the last present) I don't know how any of these got opened?! Joey: (entering) You opened them all? Monica: I know! I know! I am a terrible person! I mean, Chandler is never going to trust me with anything ever again! Joey: Oh hey! You got my parent's gift! (Holds it up.) Monica: Yeah. What is that? Joey: Well, I don't know. I think it does something to salami. (Phoebe and Rachel enter.) Monica: Hey! How'd it go? Joey: Yeah. What-what did Tag say? Rachel: Tag is not the father! And Joey knows now? Joey: I do Rach. I do, and I so happy for you. (They hug.) Rachel: Oh wow, you didn't even try to unhook my bra! Monica: So are you ever gonna tell whoever it is? Rachel: No, I will. I'm just not up for it tonight. Joey: Hey Rach listen, no matter what this guy says I want you to know you're not gonna be alone in this. Rachel: I'm not? Joey: Listen I uh... (He takes her hand.) It's a scary world out there especially if you're a single mom. Y'know, I always felt like you and I have this-this special bond. Y'know? So, (gets down on one knee again) Rachel Green will you marry me? Rachel: What? Monica: What?! Phoebe: What?!! Joey: Pheebs, give me the ring back! Phoebe: No!! Rachel: No! Joey, oh you're so sweet. You're so-so sweet, honey. But I'm not, I'm not looking for a husband. Joey: (heartbroken) I understand. Rachel: Now, if you will excuse me I am going to go and lie down. (Exits.) Phoebe: I can't say that didn't hurt. But I'll take you back Joey Tribbiani. Joey: Uh yeah. Pheebs, listen about that. I only offered... Phoebe: Ooh! A Salami Buddy! Joey: There you go! (Chandler and Ross enter with the new pictures.) Chandler: We're back! Monica: Great! We're hangin' in the kitchen! (She drags him into the kitchen and turns his back to the living room) Let's stay in the kitchen! Chandler: It's picture time. Ross: Now you are going to love these. Chandler: (showing her the pictures) Here's a picture of Ross. (Shows another one.) And that's me. (Another one.) And that's me and Ross. (Another one.) Oh-ho, that is a picture of our first kiss as a married couple. Monica: Wow! That is a great picture! Chandler: Eh? Monica: Yeah! Oh and interesting because I found the cameras in one of our bags! (Throws them into his chest.) Ross: Huh, didn't see that coming. Chandler: Okay, so this isn't a picture of our first, but it is a picture of my first kiss with...with this lady. Which by the look on your face I'm sure you'll remember. So we don't need-(Rips the picture)-There's no need to have this picture. How about I take the real pictures and get them developed right now. Monica: That would be a good idea. Chandler: Okay. (Sees the living room.) You opened all the presents without me?! I thought we were supposed to do that together! Monica: You kissed another woman! Chandler: Call it even?! Monica: Okay! (They high-five and he walks out.) Ross: Well, I'm gonna go get these (the floral bouquet he walked in with) in some water. Phoebe: Wait you stole those from these people's wedding? Ross: No-no, I took them from the hotel lobby. Yeah, they think they can charge me for some dirty movie and a bag of Mashuga nuts, they got another think coming. (Starts to leave.) Hey! My sweater! I've been looking for this for like a month! (He exits leaving a stunned Phoebe and Monica.) Monica and Phoebe: Oh my God!! Joey: (slow on the uptake) Oh my God! Closing Credits [Scene: A Street, Ross walks past Tag wearing the same red sweater.] Ross: Hey! How you doing? Tag: Good! Good, long time no see. Ross: Yeah. Tag: Like your sweater. Ross: Oh hey, right back at ya. Tag: Oh, it's crazy about Rachel huh? Ross: Yeah. She-Well, she's one crazy lady? Tag: So whose is it? Ross: (shows Tag his sweater tag) Umm, I don't some Italian guy. Come on, read your own label. See you later. Tag: Okay. (They separate.) Ross: He is so weird.

Rachel refuses to reveal who the baby's father is until after she tells him. Joey tells Monica and Phoebe about an unknown guy who slept with Rachel a few weeks earlier and who left a red sweater behind. Phoebe thinks it is Tag Jones' sweater and arranges a meeting between him and Rachel. Ross and Chandler attempt to recreate the wedding reception pictures, after Chandler loses the disposable cameras. Monica opens all the wedding presents without waiting for Chandler. Monica, Joey, and Phoebe learn that Tag is not the father of Rachel's baby. As they are still pondering the mystery, Ross arrives and retrieves his "lost" red sweater, unaware of its significance.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_10x21

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_10x21_0

THE GREEN DEATH BY: ROBERT SLOMAN 5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY (The decommissioned mine of Llanfairfach sits in a pretty and green Welsh valley. The red-brick collection of buildings are collected round the tower of the lift crane with its large double wheels at the top of the winding gear. Around the site is collected the clinker filled slag heaps of decades of profitable mining, but no more. At the entrance to the site, the metal gate is firmly shut and a "CLOSED" sign has been pasted over the board underneath with the name of the colliery.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. GALLERY (Deep below the ground, a maintenance man - HUGHES - runs along one of the worked-out galleries in something approaching a blind panic. A mist, glowing a florescent shade of green covers the ground. HUGHES looks round desperately and carries on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. MAIN GATE (Some distance away, a white Range Rover drives up to the entrance to a modern factory complex. A sign of the side of the factory reads: GLOBAL CHEMICALS RESEARCH CENTRE A group of discontented male villagers, including a MILKMAN with his float, hang around outside the factory gate. The Range Rover sweeps past them and underneath a barrier which the entrance guards then lower. The vehicle comes to a stop just beyond the barrier and the villagers walk up to the lowered barrier. A uniformed thuggish looking chauffeur - HINKS - gets out of the driver's door and allows his passenger to get out via the lowered front seat. He is STEVENS, the Director of the complex. He is a middle-aged man, with a moustache wearing a smart coat and homburg hat and carrying a briefcase. A younger coated man, also with a moustache and wearing spectacles comes out of the factory and up to his boss. He is ELGIN, the public relations officer.) ELGIN: Welcome back, sir. What's the news? STEVENS: All good. (He looks at the scowling crowd at the factory gate.) STEVENS: How long has this been going on? ELGIN: Oh, ever since early this morning. They want to know what is going to happen. Well, we all do. STEVENS: In that case, I'll tell them. (He walks to the back of the Range Rover, hands his briefcase to ELGIN and steps up onto the tailgate. He takes a piece of paper out of his pocket and holds it up as he shouts to the crowd...) STEVENS: I have in my hand a piece of paper which will mean a great deal to all of you! Wealth in our time! (The crowd laugh derisively among themselves and start to mutter and call back.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. LIFT GALLERY (HUGHES reaches the point in the gallery where the waiting cage lift stands. Gasping for breath, he hurries in, presses the call button and enters the cage, pulling the mesh half-door closed behind him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. LIFT SHAFT (The lift starts to rise. HUGHES lifts up his trembling right hand. The back of it is a glowing bright green, showing the pattern of the veins within. HUGHES looks at it in horror and tries uselessly to wipe the infection away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. MAIN GATE (STEVENS is managing to bring the crowd round. They give him a cheer.) STEVENS: When the National Coal Board were forced to close the pit last year... (The crowd's mood turns ugly again. There are several shouts of shame and a loud mutter from the largest man in the crowd who stands at the front - a grizzled ex-miner called DAI EVANS.) STEVENS: No, my friends, we must not be bitter. We must face the facts - coal is a dying industry. MILKMAN: (Shouts.) Rubbish! DAI EVANS: (Shouts.) No, never! MILKMAN: (Shouts.) Rubbish! STEVENS: Oil is our future now and the government agrees with me. MILKMAN: (To DAI EVANS.) Eh? STEVENS: They have not only given us the go-ahead for our plans, they have promised us money for future expansion! MILKMAN: I don't believe you! STEVENS: I have it here in black and white! (The now delighted crowd cheers.) STEVENS: Money for all of us! (A smile now on all their faces, they cheer again.) STEVENS: More jobs, more housing, more cars! (The crowd cheers again but there is a note of discontent. This comes from a small group of men and women stood to one side. They are younger than the male villagers and dressed in a far trendier style than the donkey-jacketed men. The two women wear hippy clothes and their leader is a young good-looking man with fashionable long hair. He yells out in a lilting Welsh accent at STEVENS.) CLIFFORD JONES: (Shouts.) More muck! More devastation! More death! (STEVENS bends down and enquires quietly of ELGIN...) STEVENS: Who is that? What did he say? ELGIN: It's that Professor Jones. He's a troublemaker. STEVENS: The Nobel prize winner? ELGIN: Yes, go easy, sir. He gets a lot of coverage in the press. (STEVENS stands back up.) STEVENS: It seems there are some who do not agree with my vision. VILLAGER: (Shouts.) Oh, get off home! STEVENS: The future we hold in our hands...there are always those who resist progress. (The women in CLIFFORD JONES' group laugh. JONES himself yells at the villagers in an alternative speech as they turn to face him.) CLIFFORD JONES: (Shouts.) Progress? Don't listen to him! He means fatter profits for Global Chemicals. VILLAGER: (Shouts.) Ah, shut up! CLIFFORD JONES: (Shouts.) At the expense of your land! VILLAGER: (Shouts.) Shut your face! CLIFFORD JONES: (Shouts.) The very air you breathe! Aye, and the health of you and your kids! MILKMAN: (Shouts.) Ah, shut up! DAI EVANS: (Angrily.) It's alright for you! You can afford to live the way you want to - we need the jobs. MILKMAN: (Angrily.) Ah, we can't live on nuts, man! DAI EVANS: (Angrily.) Can't live on nuts! CLIFFORD JONES: (Shouts.) Can't you see you're being exploited? MILKMAN: (Angrily.) Ah, shut up - go home, will you?! DAI EVANS: (Angrily.) Shut up before I shut you up! (The villagers yell more abuse at JONES and his group until STEVENS, still on the other side of the barrier intervenes in a calming, yet somehow patronising, manner.) STEVENS: No wait! Wait, my friends! Professor Jones is right. We must all share his concern. I assure you that I and my fellow directors... (He is interrupted by an almost forgotten sound - that of the siren at the pit. It wails its noise of disaster across the valley.) DAI EVANS: It's the pit! MILKMAN: Oh no! VILLAGER: It's the pit! (The villagers immediately run off towards the pit.) DAI EVANS: Right, boys! (STEVENS looks frustrated that his speech has been interrupted.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY (Steam pours out of the whistle siren.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. ENGINE ROOM (Within the engine room, HUGHES' hand is gripped to the siren handle. He is quite still and dead. Now his arm and face are entirely green...) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. UNIT HQ. LABORATORY (Apple in one hand, cup of tea and newspaper in the other, JO dressed in a white trouser suit with cricketing-type jersey underneath, takes a bite out of the fruit and sits at the lab bench, reading the paper. The DOCTOR, singing gently, and dressed in a green velvet smoking jacket, comes out of the open door of the TARDIS with an electrical unit in his hand. He sits near JO and inserts a jewellers eyeglass into his eye. JO looks up and speaks with a mouthful of apple.) JO: Is that the dematerialisation circuit? (The garbled words, mixed with the apple, make little sense.) DOCTOR: What? (She swallows her apple.) JO: Sorry - I said is that the dematerialisation circuit? DOCTOR: No, no - no more trouble there, thank goodness. I can now take the TARDIS wherever and whenever I like. I've got absolute control over her. JO: Now that the Time Lords have forgiven you. DOCTOR: Yes, exactly. JO: What is it, then? DOCTOR: What - this? JO: Mmm. DOCTOR: Well, this is the space/time coordinate programmer. Wretched thing's nearly worn out. That's the trouble with the TARDIS - she's getting on a bit, you know, Jo. (JO speaks with even more apple in her mouth and making even less sense.) JO: No wonder we never got to Metebelis Three? (She almost spits part of the fruit out and bursts out laughing. The DOCTOR, wiping the spat fruit off his sleeve is less impressed.) DOCTOR: Look, must you? JO: I'm sorry! It's my breakfast. I said no wonder we never got to Metebelis Three. DOCTOR: There's precious little protein in an apple, you know. JO: Mmm? (He gets up and crosses to a toolbox as JO starts to glance over her paper again.) DOCTOR: Protein's the thing for breakfast, Jo. JO: Eggs and Bacon - yeurgh! DOCTOR: Yeah, that's where we're going to next. JO: Where are we going? DOCTOR: Metebelis Three. The TARDIS can't miss this time. I've actually wired the coordinates into the programmer. (He returns to the bench and his eyeglass as something in the paper catches JO'S appalled attention...) JO: Oh no! No, they can't! DOCTOR: I can't wait to go there, you know, Jo. JO: (Not listening.) It's criminal - absolutely criminal! DOCTOR: It must be a fascinating place. Just imagine it - a blue sun... JO: Listen... (Reads.) "And at last the Ministry have gi...given the green chemicals..." DOCTOR: (Not listening.) No, not a green light, it's a blue light. Everything's blue there. JO: (Reads.) "Common sense has triumphed at last." Well, don't they realise the pollution it will cause? DOCTOR: (Not listening.) Mmm, absolutely, yes. JO: (Reads.) "And the futile protests of Professor Jones..." DOCTOR: (Not listening.) You know, I might even get a hold of one of those famous blue sapphires. Well, there you are. That should do it, I think. JO: (To herself.) He won't give up, you know. A man like Professor Jones will never give up. (A determined look on her face, she puts down the paper and heads for the door.) DOCTOR: Where are you off to? JO: Pack a suitcase. DOCTOR: Ah, good. Give me a couple of minutes and we'll be off. JO: Off? Off where? DOCTOR: Well, Metebelis Three, of course. JO: I'm not going to Metebelis Three. (Puzzled and slightly hurt at this reaction, the DOCTOR downs tools and crosses to JO.) DOCTOR: Why? Where are you thinking of going to? JO: Well South Wales, of course - Llanfairfach! (She points at the paper.) DOCTOR: Ah, Jo! JO: You haven't been listening, have you? Honestly, Doctor, you... (He completes the sentence with her...) DOCTOR AND JO:...never listen to a word I say! (They both burst into laughter.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. ENGINE ROOM (The men from outside the factory, including CLIFF JONES' group have reached the pit and found HUGHES. The dead miner has been laid on the floor and DAI EVANS lowers a red tartan rug over his green glowing face. The shock of the find has evaporated the antagonism between JONES and DAI EVANS.) CLIFFORD JONES: Well what was he doing down the pit in the first place? DAI EVANS: Monthly inspection. Best prop forward we ever had. What killed him? You're a doctor, Dr. Jones? CLIFFORD JONES: I'm not you know - I'm a biologist. Some sort of gas maybe? DAI EVANS: But why's he turned green, man? CLIFFORD JONES: I've no idea...except... DAI EVANS: Expect what? CLIFFORD JONES: Well that phosphorescent glow - it's almost like you get with putrefaction. DAI EVANS: That's it then! CLIFFORD JONES: Well no, after several weeks - he's been dead less than an hour. [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. UNIT HQ. LABORATORY (The DOCTOR walks back into his lab, followed by the BRIGADIER.) DOCTOR: No, no, no! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: But, Doctor, it's exactly your cup of tea. This fellah's bright green apparently - and dead. DOCTOR: Lethbridge Stewart, I'm not a policeman. Neither are you, for that matter. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Ah, but there are international implications, you see - possibility of sabotage at Global Chemicals. It's UNIT's duty to protect them - my duty. DOCTOR: (Smiles.) Then do your duty, Brigadier. (He heads into the TARDIS.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: But, Doctor, surely you must see the... (JO enters the lab, wearing a white fur coat and carrying a large bag of her belongings. She starts to put more of her stuff from the lab into the bag.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Ah, Miss Grant, I've a little job for you. I want you to... JO: (Interrupts.) I'm sorry, Brigadier, I can't. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Can't? Can I remind you, Miss Grant, that you are... JO: (Interrupts.) That I am a member of UNIT - orders, court martials and all that. But unless you arrest me, I mean unless you actually seize me and fling me into a dungeon, I...! (The DOCTOR comes out of the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: Oh, Jo, all ready? JO: Oh dear... Doctor, I mean it - I'm going to go to South Wales because they have got to be stopped. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Who's got to be stopped? JO: Well, Global Chemicals, of course. Can't you see the harm this go-ahead will do? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: No, Miss Grant, I can't. Cheap petrol and lots of it - exactly what the world needs. JO: (Appalled.) No! No, look it's time to call a halt! It's time that the world awoke to the alarm bell of pollution instead of sliding down the slippery slopes of...of...of... (She shrugs.) JO: ...whatever it is. DOCTOR: (Smiles.) A very pretty mixed metaphor. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, I seem to recognise the style. This fellow, Jones, isn't it? "The nutcake professor" - isn't that what the papers call him? JO: That doesn't make him wrong, does it? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: And you want to go down there to help him in his noble fight against the windmills? Down to Llanfairfach? (JO stands almost to attention in front of her commanding officer.) JO: I'm sorry, Brigadier. I'm going to go - even if it means resigning from UNIT. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Ah...well, we can discuss that on the way down, can't we? JO: (Smiles.) You mean...? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You will at least accept a lift, I trust? Yes, Miss Grant, I'm going there too. (He heads for the door.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Also the Doctor, I hope? DOCTOR: I'm going to Metebelis Three. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Wouldn't like to have to order you, Doctor? DOCTOR: I wouldn't advise you to try. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes... Ten minutes, Miss Grant. (He strides off. The DOCTOR looks expectantly at JO.) DOCTOR: Metebelis Three, Jo? (She doesn't reply.) DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Well where else would you like to go? You choose for yourself. JO: But I've only got ten minutes. DOCTOR: Jo, you've got all the time in the world, and all the space - I'm offering them to you. JO: But, Doctor, don't you understand? (Passionately.) I've got to go! This Professor Jones - he's fighting for everything that's important. Well, everything that you've fought for. In a funny way, he reminds me of a sort of...younger you. DOCTOR: I don't know whether to feel flattered or insulted. (He smiles.) DOCTOR: It's alright, Jo, I understand. (She hugs him.) JO: Oh, Doctor! Thank you. (She returns to her bag.) DOCTOR: Jo? JO: Mmm hmm? DOCTOR: Tell the Brigadier that I'll follow him down. JO: Right. DOCTOR: Later. (She looks sad for a moment and pauses.) JO: Right. (She puts a brave smile on her face and almost runs out of the door.) JO: Bye! DOCTOR: Goodbye. (The DOCTOR watches her go, realising that his young assistant is growing apart from him.) DOCTOR: So...the fledgling flies the coop... (Sadly, he enters the TARDIS. It dematerialises from the laboratory.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: EXT. LLANFAIRFACH (The BRIGADIER'S open white sports car crosses over a cattle grid near a row of cottages and pulls up next to the milkfloat. The BRIGADIER, in civvies of a sheepskin jacket and flat cap and with JO sat next to him calls over to the MILKMAN.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Excuse me? Can you tell me the way to Global Chemicals, please? The research place? MILKMAN: Well, if you don't turn off the straight road ahead, you can't miss it, can you? It's just past the chapel on the hill, isn't it? JO: And the Wholeweal community? MILKMAN: I beg your pardon, Miss? JO: The Wholeweal? Oh, you know - Professor Jones. MILKMAN: Oh, the nuthatch! Well, you'll be passing the nuthatch on the mountain, won't you? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Right, thank you. MILKMAN: You're welcome, boyo. (He walks back to his float. JO smiles at the BRIGADIER.) JO: Boyo! (They pull away and the milkman watches them go, muttering under his breath.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: EXT. WHOLEWHEAL COMMUNITY (The BRIGADIER'S car drives along a farm track and past a brightly painted sign which proclaims "WHOLEWEAL". The community itself is a collection of farm buildings with a cow roaming loose in the yard. The car comes to a halt and JO gets out, picking up her bag and a suitcase from the back.) JO: Thanks for the lift. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Not sure that I approve, Miss Grant. Duty is duty when all's said and done. JO: Well a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do...sir. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Mmm. (She heads towards the main farm building, past another sign which reads "SPORE STORE & TOADSTOOLS".) JO: Bye! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: The Doctor's no better, gallivanting off on a pleasure jaunt at a time like this. [SCENE_BREAK] 14: EXT. METEBELIS THREE (NIGHT) (The blue police box materialises in a blue mountainous landscape against which runs a blue waterfall. The DOCTOR steps out. A air of calm hangs around the place. He looks round appreciatively at a colourful blue and red sunset. Suddenly the peace is shattered as a long-drawn out animal cry gets louder and louder and turns into a terrifying screech as a long hair-covered tentacle wraps itself round him...) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. HALL PASSAGE (A bell jangles on its bracket and the front door opens as JO walks into the cosy hallway. She looks round. The only sign of life is the music of a radio playing.) JO: Hello? (She shuts the front door.) JO: Hello? (There is no reply. Walking past a grandfather clock, she makes her way down the passage and up to a closed door on the left which has a sign painted in bright flowers on it with words which she reads...) JO: "Room for living". Mmm, like it. (She opens the door and calls out.) JO: Anybody at home? (Still receiving no reply, she closes the door and notices another on the opposite side of the passage with two similar signs hanging off it. They read "WATCH IT" and "TOADSTOOLS PROFESSORS". She knocks on the door.) CLIFFORD JONES: (OOV: Inside laboratory.) Come in. (She enters.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LABORATORY (The room, lined with shelves, is filled with laboratory equipment including a microscope, a few bubbling specimen jars and trays of toadstools. More toadstools are on the shelves together with many books. CLIFF JONES sits in a ceiling suspended wicker chair holding the radio in his hands and not facing the door or JO. A cloth strewn over the top of the chair hides CLIFF'S face.) CLIFFORD JONES: No one in. JO: You are. CLIFFORD JONES: Did my stint in the fields before breakfast, didn't I? JO: Oh, I see. They're all out in the fields. CLIFFORD JONES: Aye, that's what I said. No work, no food - logically, esthetically and morally right. Right? JO: (Puzzled.) Right...I suppose. (He gets out of the chair.) CLIFFORD JONES: Well now, what... (Shouts.) Shut the blasted door! (JO quickly steps into the room as shuts the door and CLIFF nervously checks a thermometer that was jammed into one of the trays of toadstools.) CLIFFORD JONES: Of all the silly young goats! JO: (Confused.) Oh, I'm sorry - what did I do? CLIFFORD JONES: Well, you ruined a month's work - that's all. Can't you read? It said on the door to watch it, didn't it? JO: Yes. (He puts the thermometer back and crosses to a lab bench.) CLIFFORD JONES: Half a degree drop and ... JO: Well, I...! (She goes to follow him but bangs into the lab bench, almost upsetting the tray of toadstools. She cries out with a yelp but CLIFF doesn't notice.) CLIFFORD JONES: No, no, no - not there, you'll have the lot over. (She stands to one side of the room.) CLIFFORD JONES: Not there either. You'll contaminate my spores. (He sits at the bench as JO comes forward rubbing her knee.) JO: Where can I go, for pete's sake? CLIFFORD JONES: Well, just try standing still, my love, uh? Tell us the dreadful news. You've come to join us - right? JO: Well, yes, in a way. You see I'm Jo Grant. (JO holds out her hand but CLIFF is too absorbed in the bench to notice it. She withdraws the hand as she speaks...) JO: I...I rang from London. I spoke to somebody who said her name was...mum. CLIFFORD JONES: (Puzzled.) Mum? Oh, our Nancy that is, yeah - Nancy with a laughing face. She didn't tell me. (JO is starting to get annoyed by the young man.) JO: Well, why should she? You see, I've come to see Professor Jones - not you. CLIFFORD JONES: Oh... (He looks back at his work.) JO: So if you could tell me where I could wait? (CLIFF taps figures into an electronic calculator and ignores her.) JO: I said, if you could... (She leans nearer to him and in doing so, sends another tray crashing to the floor. JO looks appalled and CLIFF looks incredulous. They both lean over the edge of the desk and at the spilled contents on the floor.) CLIFFORD JONES: Look... JO: Well, I... CLIFFORD JONES: Why not just have a stool - over here... (He almost manhandles her towards a lab stool out of harm's way. On the way, JO almost hits something else.) CLIFFORD JONES: And careful, now! (They reach the safety of the stool.) CLIFFORD JONES: Look, n...that's it. Just sit there - simmer down. Alright? (He rubs her hair in a patronising manner.) CLIFFORD JONES: Right. (A sulking JO safely installed on the stool, he returns to his own bench.) CLIFFORD JONES: There, we've got off on the wrong foot, haven't we? Still I suppose you can't help being a bit cloth-headed. You're only a kid, after all. JO: Charming! CLIFFORD JONES: (Smiles.) Hey, welcome to the nuthatch! (JO turns her back on him.) JO: Huh! [SCENE_BREAK] 17: EXT. METEBELIS THREE (NIGHT) (His jacket torn, his face grubby, the DOCTOR runs across the misty surface of a Metebelis Three that is very different to how he envisaged it. The cries of various animals follow him. He sees a blue snake approaching and runs off again.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LABORATORY (CLIFF still works at his bench and JO remains on her stool. There is a frosty silence in the room. CLIFF, looking guilty, hazards a look at JO at the same moment that she does the same. They both quickly look away. CLIFF ponders a moment and then turns to JO.) CLIFFORD JONES: Do you know anything about...Entomology? JO: Insects? CLIFFORD JONES: Mmm. JO: (Smiles.) Yes, a little. CLIFFORD JONES: Right - what's got twenty legs, a yellow body about two inches long and big red pincers on the front end? JO: (Thinks.) Mmm, don't know - why? CLIFFORD JONES: There's one crawling up your left leg. (JO screams and jumps off the bench. She looks down.) JO: There's nothing there! CLIFFORD JONES: No, I couldn't stand the silence any longer. (The ice broken, the two burst out laughing.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: EXT. METEBELIS THREE (NIGHT) (The DOCTOR climbs up a cliff-face, his face and back covered by driven flakes of snow and a wind howling round him. He looks down and sees the snake again. He traverses along a ledge on the rockface.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LABORATORY (Their friendship established, JO is taking an interest in the trays of fungi on the lab bench which CLIFF is quite happy to explain to her.) JO: But why toadstools? CLIFFORD JONES: Oh, that's just our Nancy's little joke. (He holds up one the white and red toadstools.) CLIFFORD JONES: This is really our new hybrid fungus - Saliota Orbis. JO: Pardon? CLIFFORD JONES: It's a sort of cousin of the mushroom you can buy in the shops. JO: You mean you can eat it? (He takes the toadstool to a bench and cuts it in half.) CLIFFORD JONES: Oh yes - that's the whole point. Well, the world's going to need something instead of meat. High protein fungus can be just the answer. JO: Well, yes...yes, of course! CLIFFORD JONES: You see, Jo, we haven't set up this community just to..."drop out". I mean, let's face it, who does like the petrol stinking, plastic rat-trap life we all live? No, no - if we're going to make a success here at Wholeweal, we've got to do something that's got to help the entire world. So, we're a bio-technic research unit, as well as a nuthatch! JO: But that's marvellous! Did he think of that? The Professor, I mean? CLIFFORD JONES: Well, I could never have got it off the ground without the Nobel prize money. JO: (Puzzled.) But... (She smiles as she realisms...) JO: Are you Professor Jones? CLIFFORD JONES: Your obedient servant, ma'am! (He bows. JO tries to keep a stony look on her face but can't help smiling.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. STEVENS' OFFICE (The office of the Director of Global Chemicals is a mixture of the opulent, the fashionable and the technologically advanced. The walls are papered with a black and white pattern, a modern wooden desk and leather chair dominate the room while behind it is a small control desk and a monitor screen on a wall-bracket. Louvered blinds cover the window. The BRIGADIER has come to visit STEVENS who angrily confronts him as ELGIN watches.) STEVENS: We've sunk a great deal of time and money into this new project, and we're not going to stand by and see it wasted. Now your job, Brigadier, is... BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Interrupts.) Oh, forgive me, sir, but I know quite well what my job is. We'll look after you - never fear. STEVENS: I beg your pardon. I had no intention of... BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Interrupts.) Equally, I'm quite certain also that it's my job to find out about this man's death. Events like that are the very reason UNIT was created. STEVENS: I see. What...do you intend to do? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Get hold of the Doctor at once. Er, may I use your phone? STEVENS: Yes, of course. Elgin, get an outside line, will you? ELGIN: Sir. (STEVENS smiles at the BRIGADIER.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: EXT. METEBELIS THREE (NIGHT) (Millions of light-years away, the DOCTOR struggles up the side of a mountain. On a ledge sit a sparkling collection of blue jewels like glittering sapphires.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. UNIT HQ. LABORATORY (The phone rings in the empty lab at UNIT HQ) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: EXT. METEBELIS THREE (NIGHT) (The DOCTOR is reaching out for one of the jewels. He hears a cry and looks up as a flapping noise gets nearer. The shadow of a huge set of wings crosses his face.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. UNIT HQ. LABORATORY (The phone continues to ring.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: EXT. METEBELIS THREE (NIGHT) (A huge set of taloned feet swing down out of the sky towards the DOCTOR. He ducks down to avoid them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. UNIT HQ. LABORATORY (The ringing phone is still unanswered. It cuts out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. STEVENS' OFFICE (The BRIGADIER speaks to the UNIT operator...) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) I see. Alright, keep trying and ring me here as soon as you do get an answer - understood? (He listens.) That's right, goodbye. (He puts the phone down and turns back to STEVENS and ELGIN.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Er, Mr. Stevens, I wonder if you'd explain to me exactly why...er, Professor Jones and his friends should object to your new process? STEVENS: I wish I could tell you. After all, he and the rest of the doom merchants never stop telling us that we're using up the world's supply of oil. We can now produce twenty-five percent more petrol and diesel fuel from a given quantity of crude oil. If that isn't conservation, I don't know what is. [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LABORATORY (CLIFF is having a similar conversation with JO.) CLIFFORD JONES: But it's still using up the oil and doubling the atmospheric pollution. No, the world has got to find ways of using the energy the sun is giving us now. JO: Well, like what, for instance? CLIFFORD JONES: (Enthusiastically.) Well, like...like using the movement of the wind and the tides and the rivers. Well, I mean, like here at the nuthatch. Well, you are quite warm? JO: (Smiles.) The ambient temperature suits me fine, thank you! CLIFFORD JONES: Heat from the river - and the heat pump works on electricity generated by a windmill. Alternative technology, see? JO: And no waste - no pollution! CLIFFORD JONES: Exactly! [SCENE_BREAK] 30: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. STEVENS' OFFICE BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (To STEVENS.) No waste? No pollution from an oil refinery? STEVENS: Minimal...negligible. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, I'm no scientist, Mr. Stevens, but I find that somewhat difficult to believe. ELGIN: Oh, it's been one of our strongest selling points. It makes nonsense of the objections. We've been able, in all sincerity, to assure the government, the people, indeed the world, that the Stevens process is clean. [SCENE_BREAK] 31: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LABORATORY CLIFFORD JONES: The Steven's process must be based on Bateson's polymerisation, and that means thousands of gallons of waste. Aye, a thick sludge you can't break down in any way like...like a liquid plastic. And what properties that would have, heaven alone knows. JO: And you're wondering what they're going to do with it? CLIFFORD JONES: I wondering what they're doing with it now. And I can't help thinking there must be some connection with Hughes' death. (He takes half a toadstool out of a jar of solution he has been holding and starts to examine it.) JO: You mean they're pumping the waste down into the old mine workings? CLIFFORD JONES: Aye, could be. JO: Well then, let's go and have a look. CLIFFORD JONES: (Sarcastically.) Oh, that's a good idea. JO: I mean...I mean, like now! CLIFFORD JONES: My dear good child, I've got work to do! JO: (Annoyed.) You're being patronising. CLIFFORD JONES: Aye, so I am. But I've still got work to do. JO: Oh! (Determined to make an effort, she rushes for the door, again bumping into the lab bench. She reaches the door without further incident.) CLIFFORD JONES: Shut the door! (JO slams the door shut behind her with great force.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. PITHEAD OFFICE (The ex-miners are still in the pithead office with two of the maintenance men - a middle-aged small wiry man called DAVE and a slightly younger softly-spoken man called BERT. They are all drinking tea but DAI EVANS is keen for action.) DAI EVANS: It's plain stupid, man. Here we are, sitting about nattering like the women after chapel, and we still don't know what killed him. BERT: Finding out won't do him any good now. DAI EVANS: No, but it'll do me a lot of good, though - all this waiting DAVE: Ah, well, it could be dangerous, man. DAI EVANS: Dangerous? I've spent twenty years of my life down there. Think it scares me now? BERT: Oh, why bother? DAVE: Aye, don't panic, man. DAI EVANS: I'm going down. (He heads towards the changing room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 33: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. STEVENS' OFFICE (The BRIGADIER is still with STEVENS and ELGIN as the Director paces his office.) STEVENS: Therefore, I think it imperative that nobody should go down the mine. It must be sealed off completely. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I'm afraid I must disagree, sir. Indeed, I intend to make the investigation of that mine my first priority...as soon as the Doctor arrives. STEVENS: If he ever does arrive. [SCENE_BREAK] 34: EXT. METEBELIS THREE (NIGHT) (The DOCTOR is running for his life. An assortment of animal cries and screams follows him and boulders and spears are thrown at him as he reaches the safety of the TARDIS and slams the door. The tentacle lashes the door of the police box.) [SCENE_BREAK] 35: INT. UNIT HQ. LABORATORY (The phone is ringing again in the laboratory. The TARDIS materialises and the gasping, dishevelled DOCTOR steps out. He hears the phone and answers it as he tries to get his breath back.) DOCTOR: (Into phone.) Hello? (He listens.) I'll speak to anyone! [SCENE_BREAK] 36: EXT. ROAD (Some time later, Bessie travels at an impossible speed using the Minimum Inertia Superdrive past another vehicle. The car tears past the road sign for Llanfairfach.) [SCENE_BREAK] 37: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. LIFT AREA (DAI EVANS, helmet on, walks into the lift area. He presses the communications button three times and steps into the cage.) [SCENE_BREAK] 38: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. ENGINE ROOM (BERT signals to DAVE who sits at the gears of the lift equipment in the galleried engine room.) DAVE: Okay. (DAVE pulls the large gear handles back.) [SCENE_BREAK] 39: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. LIFT AREA (The cage, with DAI in it, starts to descend...) [SCENE_BREAK] 40: EXT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY (...as the wheels at the top of the lift tower turn.) [SCENE_BREAK] 41: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS (Bessie turns into the main gate of Global Chemicals. The Guard waves the DOCTOR, changed into a blue velvet jacket and checked cloak, through into the complex. A relieved BRIGADIER sees this from the window.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: At last. Now we can get on. (He turns from the window and back to STEVENS who is sat at his desk.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Will you excuse me, sir? [SCENE_BREAK] 42: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. STEVENS' OFFICE STEVENS: You still intend to go investigate the mine? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Indeed I do. (Without another word, he walks from the office. STEVENS waits a moment and then presses an intercom on his desk.) STEVENS: Hinks - at once. (STEVENS gets up and walks round his desk, a look of concentration on his face. HINKS walks into the office and waits for STEVENS to speak to him but the Director seems utterly absorbed in his thoughts - strangely so.) HINKS: (Puzzled.) Sir? (STEVENS looks at the chauffeur.) STEVENS: Hinks, I want you to... (He frowns again as if he has lost his thought.) STEVENS: I want you to... (He stops again.) HINKS: You alright, sir? STEVENS: Yes, yes. (He frowns again and speaks slowly as if each word is controlled from elsewhere.) STEVENS: Nobody...must go down...the mine. (He seems to come to.) STEVENS: Hinks! (He approaches HINKS and places a hand on his shoulder. He looks into the man's face and again speaks slowly...) STEVENS: Nobody...must...go down the mine - nobody. HINKS: Yes, sir. You're sure you're alright? (STEVENS becomes more himself.) STEVENS: Yes, yes, of course. Go on - get on with it. (With a rueful look, HINKS turns and walks from the office. STEVENS locks the door after him and crosses to the small console behind his desk. He lifts the cover off an elaborate set of headphones. He plugs the lead into the console and puts the headphones on. A green light illuminates on the side of each earpiece and STEVENS closes his eyes in concentration...) [SCENE_BREAK] 43: EXT. HILLSIDE (Still wrapped against the cold in her coat, JO crosses over the brow of a hill and sees the mine workings below her. She sets off for them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 44: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. ENGINE ROOM BERT: Here, maybe we shouldn't have let Dai go down there himself? DAVE: Well, I tell you now, boy, I was tried to stop him having a drink too many at the club, and I can still feel the bruises - and that's a fact. BERT: Aye. (JO walks into the engine room.) DAVE: Oh, hello, who's this now then? BERT: Here - private property this is. JO: Oh... DAVE: Aye. JO: I'm sorry, but you see I'm with the UNIT people and I was wondering if I could take a look down the mine? DAVE: Yeah, well, not without authority you can't. JO: Oh, well, where do I get it? BERT: NCB - Cardiff. (A wall phone linked to the galleries below buzzes.) DAVE: Hang on here a minute. (He crosses to the phone and answers it.) DAVE: (Into phone.) Hello, who is it? [SCENE_BREAK] 45: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. LIFT GALLERY (Down below, DAI is on the other end of the phone. He blustering demeanour has gone and he is now in a blind panic. Like HUGHES, the back of his hand is glowing green.) DAI EVANS: (Into phone.) Dave...help me, Dave! Help me! DAVE: (OOV: Over phone.) Dai, well, what's happened? What's up? DAI EVANS: (Into phone.) Help me quick! Help! (He collapses onto the floor.) [SCENE_BREAK] 46: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. ENGINE ROOM (A puzzled DAVE hangs the phone back.) DAVE: Dai - he's in trouble. BERT: Then we've got to get him out! I'll go down. You work the cage, Dave. JO: Well I'm coming too! BERT: Oh, don't be daft! JO: Well look, I'm trained in first aid - I might be able to help save your friend's life. DAVE: You mean that? JO: Yes. DAVE: Yeah, well she's got something there, Bert. You take her down and look after her. BERT: (To JO.) Right, come on with me now. We'll get you a helmet and lamp. JO: Right. (They rush out to get changed.) [SCENE_BREAK] 47: EXT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY (The BRIGADIER is now a passenger in Bessie as he and the DOCTOR approach the mine.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: So I thought I'd better get you here at once to have a look. DOCTOR: Yes, you're quite right, Brigadier. Nobody must go down that mine until I've had a chance to do just that. (They drive into the courtyard of the mine. After they have gone, HINKS steps from one of the out-buildings and moves off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 48: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. LIFT AREA (JO and BERT have changed into a set of blue overalls and a helmet with lamp each. JO steps into the lift cage and BERT presses the communications button. He puts the cage door in place.) [SCENE_BREAK] 49: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. ENGINE ROOM (DAVE pulls the gear handle...) [SCENE_BREAK] 50: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. LIFT AREA (...and the cage descends into the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] 51: EXT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY (As it does so, the wheels of the lifting gear at the top of the shaft turn. The occupants of Bessie see this as they draw up.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Someone's going down! (The DOCTOR brakes the car.) DOCTOR: We must stop them! (They run into the pit head.) [SCENE_BREAK] 52: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. ENGINE ROOM (They see DAVE at the gear levers in the engine room and run up to him.) DOCTOR: (Urgently.) Who's in the cage? DAVE: Oh...it...it's Bert Pritchard and the young lady from UNIT. DOCTOR: Well, stop winding! DAVE: No, I can't do that. They've gone down below to help Dai Evans. DOCTOR: Stop winding, I said! (DAVE looks at the DOCTOR and pulls the brake lever. There is no response except a scraping noise from the machinery.) DOCTOR: Quickly, man, quickly! DAVE: (Horrified.) I can't! The brake won't work! It's out of control! DOCTOR: What?! (The DOCTOR looks stunned...)

While the Doctor plans a holiday to Metebelis Three, Jo and the Brigadier are intrigued by a mysterious death at a coal mine in Llanfairfach, which is being blamed on local company Global Chemicals.

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_02x21

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_02x21_0

"Ch...Ch...Changes" CAST Dawson Leery: James Van Der Beek Joey Potter: Katie Holmes Pacey Witter: Joshua Jackson Jen Lindley: Michelle Williams Andie McPhee: Meredith Monroe Jack McPhee: Kerr Smith Joseph McPhee: David Dukes Mike Potter: Gareth Williams Written by Dana Baratta Directed by Lou Antonio (Cut to Dawson watching "Casablanca" on his television while sitting at his desk by his laptop.) Dawson: (Thinking) Compare and contrast Humphrey Bogart's character arc in "Casablanca" to one in your own life. Use examples. (He stares blankly at the laptop.) Dawson: (cont.) Number one...Mrs. Kennedy. The character starts out as a sadistic film teacher/father's new girlfriend who maliciously conjures up a finals assignment for the sole purpose to slowly torturing her helpless nemesis, played by Dawson Leery, to death. An example of a purely evil character...with absolutely no arc whatsoever. (He highlights and deletes what he had and gets up and walks towards the bed where we see Joey.) Dawson: (Speaking) Why is it that we're so ridiculously intent on pleasing the people who dislike us the most? Joey: I don't know why you're making such a big deal about this, Dawson. I mean, it's your film final. It should be a no-brainer for you. Dawson: I know. Joey: Why don't you just...I don't know...interview somebody? Dawson: On camera! That's it! I'll present my film final on camera! (laughs) I mean, I'm bound to get points for ingenuity if nothing else, right? Joey: There you go.. (Dawson moves over and sits on the bed, pointing the camera at Joey.) Dawson: So...Joey? Talk... Joey: No! Forget it, Dawson. Dawson: C'mon! You've gone through changes this year. You have a character arc! Joey: No! You've already immortalized the likeness of my character onscreen, without my signed consent, I might add. Find another sucker..(pauses and smiles) subject. Dawson: C'mon just a few questions...the camera loves you. Joey: Okay, Dawson. Being the overly generous, kind, loving, caring girlfriend that I am, I will say something. (She leans down and looks right into the camera.) Joey: (smiles) Good luck! (She gets up off the bed.) Joey: See ya tomorrow! (She kisses him on the cheek and heads for the door.) Dawson: Bye... *Theme Song* (Cut to Andie walking into the kitchen of her house. Her father is sitting at the table.) Andie: Daddy...? Mr.McPhee: Hello, Andie. Andie: What are you doing here? Mr.McPhee: I came to see you. Andie: (laughs) Funny. See, I seem to remember that, um, you're not welcome here. Mr.McPhee: Andie, you and I have a lot of things to work out...and we will...but right now I'm here because I'm worried about you. I know about Tim and everything else that's been going on with you. Andie: Well, you don't need to worry about me because uh...I'm fine. Pacey and Jack were here and, uh...they helped me through my rough week so I don't really need you here. Mr.McPhee: Andie, this is serious. Andie: So why are you here? Jack: (appeared in doorway) I called him. Andie: (incredulously) How could you do that to me? Jack: I'm sorry... Mr.McPhee: Your brother was concerned, as am I. I had no idea your situation was this extreme. Andie: My "situation"? What is that? Another vague description of events so you can deal with it? Mr.McPhee: When we get home, we can discuss all this. You should start packing. Andie: Packing?! Jack: You didn't say anything about leaving... Mr.McPhee: It's a decision I've come to. Andie: (furious) N-n-n-I don't care about your decision! We have finals. We can't leave! Mr.McPhee: Jack will stay one more week, as for you, I'll call the school and arrange for makeups. Andie: No! You can't take me away! I'm not going to let you! Mr.McPhee: You need perpetual supervision right now. Your mother does, too. I've spoken to your current doctor about our options...we'll get through this. Andie: So we have no choice? Mr.McPhee: Andie, I'm not asking. (Andie turns and glares at Jack.) Jack: I'm sorry. I'm--I didn't know! (Andie's stormed off. Jack walks off.Cut to Jen walking down the hall with Dawson, carrying his video camera.) Jen: What in the world am I supposed to say? Dawson: Just talk about some of the changes you've gone through in the past year... Jen: Oh, God, what is this? America's Most Hideous Video Moments? Dawson: Jen, c'mon! Jen: Let me guess, Candid Camera? Dawson: No, I'm serious! Jen: (sarcastically) Oh, well, if you're serious then by all means. Let me reveal my deepest, darkest, most intimant secrets of the past year for your homework assignment. Dawson: No, this is all--just forget about it. Jen: (emotionally) No...actually..this is probably a good thing...I should talk about it so...(motions him to start filming) (Dawson starts filming.) Jen: (emotionally) I mean...how am I supposed to forget when all this drama began to unfold? I, uh...I don't know...all of a sudden I just...I just (looking as if she's about to cry) Dawson: (into it) You what? Jen: ...cut it off... Dawson: Cut what off? Jen: My hair (smiles and laughs) (Dawson sighs and shuts his camera.) Dawson: Jen. Jen: Oh, I'm serious, Dawson. Making a dramatic hairstyle change like that is a very traumatic event in a young girl's life. (Jen walks off. Cut to Dawson walking down the halls with Jack.) Jack: Dawson, any day but today I'd be glad to tell you about my well-publicized life changes but, uh...today's kind of a disaster... Dawson: No problem... (Cut to Joey taking a folder from someone.) Joey: Thank you. (Dawson comes up with his camera.) Joey: No. Dawson: Joey, I'm desperate. Joey: No. Dawson: Why not?! Joey: Stalking paparazzi is not a flattering occupation, Dawson. Give it up. (She kisses him and walks away. Cut to Dawson walking down the hall with Pacey.) Dawson: I've been trying to figure out how people grow and change... Pacey: Well, for only three easy payments of $29.95 you two can go from town prier to fine upstanding citizen in just 6 months... (He looks into an empty classroom.) Pacey: In here? Dawson: Sure! (They walk in.) Dawson: So, seriously...how'd you do it? Pacey: I didn't do anything, Dawson. You and I both know that left to my own devices, I would be repeating the 10th grade. At best. At worst, I'd probably be living somewhere under a highway right now... Dawson: Pacey, give me a break. I mean, sure, you had some outside inspiration, but you're the one that grabbed your life by the balls and turn things around. Pacey: Dawson my only accomplishment this year was to find an inspiration like Andie. Everything else just stemmed from her. Dawson: Classic hero who changes for the love of a woman. Pacey: Not exactly, bud. (pauses) Everyday I wake up holding my breath, waiting for someone to expose my fraudulent act. You know? Lock me up for it. Figure out this whole thing was just a big lie... (Dawson shuts off his camera, concerned.) Dawson: We can do this later. Are you alright? What's going on with you? Pacey: (on the verge of tears) Ever since me and Andie, well, I mean, literally collided, she mistook me for someone else. And she gave me somebody to be. And now that she needs my help there's not a damn thing I can do for her...I'm failing her, Dawson. (getting up and walking out) So you're going to have to find yourself another hero... (He walks out and sees Andie.) Pacey: Andie? Andie: (still crying slightly) Oh, Pacey... Pacey: What happened? You weren't in class this morning. Andie: Um, yeah, my dad came back into town and...he's going to make us go home. He's taking us back to Providence. Pacey: What?! (Andie just nods.) Pacey: (puts his arm around her) Okay....c'mon... (They walk down the hall. Cut to Andie and Pacey walking into another empty classroom.) Andie: God, he wants me to get help, okay? He wants us to be a family again, but he's been absent for over a year, Pacey, and now that I've finally started to make a life for me here he just wants to wrench me away...God, I just....he makes me so angry! Pacey: (comforting) Okay...Andie, listen, can't he just get you your help here? You already have a therapist in town... Andie: No, Pacey! He is the most stubborn man in the world. If he even thinks that I should leave, I might as well start packing. Pacey: Andie, what is it that you want to do? Andie: What is it that I want to do? Pacey, I want to stay here. Get help here. I want to be with you. I mean, the thought of us not being able to be together is just... Pacey: So, Andie, we fight him on this, okay? This ain't over yet. Andie: He wants to leave tomorrow, Pacey. (Pacey's face drops. He looks at the ground.) Pacey: Okay. That's fine. (he paces over to the door and back) That's fine. Andie, it's fine! It's fine. Because when he hears what we have to tell him, he's not taking you anywhere. (Andie's face looks doubtful. Cut to Jack staring out by the docks when Jen walks up.) Jen: Bite of my Subway for your troubles? Jack: My dad's back. And believe it or not, I called. Andie is not doing well and I didn't know what else to do. Jen: You did the right thing. Jack: But, I didn't. I thought he would stay and help but instead he wants to take us back to Providence. Jen: You know what, Jack? There's a bright side to this. Maybe Andie's going to get better. Maybe if you and your dad move back in there's a chance for reconciliation. Jack: (laughing) Yeah...right...us in the Middle East. So what's your deal anyway? You going to stay at the Leery's forever? Jen: Oh, ouch. I don't know. The situation's kind of dyer... Jack: What about your mom and dad? Jen: They made it pretty clear how they felt about me when they sent me here. Jack: Well, you're different now. You're not the same girl that they sent away. Jen: After what happened with Grams, I'll never believe that anything has changed. Jack: Give em a chance, who knows? Maybe...maybe you're not the only one who's changed? (Cut to Joey walking and handing a plate to a man sitting at a table in the Icehouse.) Joey: Here you go. (Dawson walks in and grabs her.) Dawson: Hey! Joey: Hey. (They kiss.) Joey: C'mere! (She pulls him into a joining room from the front of the Icehouse.) Dawson: Look at this place... Joey: It's the lounge. Music nightly featuring the East Coast's finest entertainers. Dawson: Am I going to need a tie to get in here now? Mr.Potter: You might have some pull with the owner. (He walks away. Joey smiles.) Joey: That is not my father. I mean he's turned into this Mr. Saturday-Night-Sitcom, Father of the Year. The man I know was this grumbling, dejected mass of negativity. Dawson: You mean a relative of yours was grumbling and negative? Nah, not possible. Joey: I'm happy so sue me! Dawson: Trust me, I love this new happy-go-lucky Joey Potter. (They kiss again.) Joey: I'll be back. I have work to do. Dawson: Okay.. (She leaves. He slowly approaches Mr. Potter.) Mr.Potter: Hey Dawson. Dawson: Hey. Mr.Potter: (motioning to the man helping him) This is an old friend, Pete. (Dawson and Pete shake hands.) Pete: Hi, how you doin? Dawson: Dawson, nice to meet ya. Mr.Potter: We were just talking about our days in the Merchant Marines together. Not exactly the good old days... (Pete walks off.) Dawson: I...I have a question. Actually, what I need is a subject for one of my final projects. I need somebody in my life who's demonstrated a major character change. Mr.Potter: If you mean me, I'm flattered, Dawson. Dawson: So you wouldn't mind if I interviewed you? Mr.Potter: Not at all. Dawson: Great. Great! Mr.Potter: In return though, I've got something for you to do. Dawson: Okay. Sure. (Mr.Potter hands Dawson one of those, I forget the name but you set it on top of like structures your building to make sure it's level. Dawson looks at it quizzically. Joey's in the room now and is watching him with a smile on her face.) Dawson: What does this do? (Joey looks at her dad and looks at Dawson.) Dawson: What? Joey: (laughs) Nothing... Dawson: What? (Cut to Jack coming down the stairs, he opens the door, revealing Pacey.) Jack: Pacey...from the look on your face it looks like you've come bringing bad news. Pacey: Yeah, so what's the rush, Jack? Why now? Tomorrow morning?! Jack: My family's flair for historionics. It wouldn't be a McPhee departure if we weren't doing it in the early dawn with, like, a few hours to prepare. Pacey: Okay, how do we stop this? Jack: I don't think we can. I mean, my father's decisions, they're final. There's no point in arguing them. Pacey: I know how that is. Believe me, I do. But now's not the time to give up! There's too much at stake here, Jack! (Mr.McPhee has entered the room now and been listening.) Mr.McPhee: Which is precisely why she's leaving now. Pacey: Mr. McPhee, I'm Pacey Witter. Mr.McPhee: I know all about you, son, and I appreciate your viements regarding my daughter's situation. As I'm sure you appreciate my own concern. Pacey: I do. Absolutely. I'm just wondering why you're making her leave now...like this. Mr.McPhee: Because her doctor's in Providence suggested that we waste no time getting her the proper care. Pacey: Okay, so why not here? Mr.McPhee: Because I'm not here. Pacey: But she has friends here, a whole support system! Mr.McPhee: Are you suggesting those things are more important than family? Pacey: No, sir. I'm just saying that Andie's built a family here, one that I'm a part of, and I can help her. Mr.McPhee: She's my responsibility. Pacey: Well, with all do respect, sir, you knew of Andie's condition when you left her and Jack here so to take her away now because you suddenly developed some sort of guilty conscience is not fair. Mr.McPhee: Is not fair to whom? My daughter or to you? Because you're just too selfish to let her go? Pacey: (looks at Jack) You're absolutely right. I'm not just here on Andie's behalf. But if she left me, I don't know what I'd do. So I guess I'm begging you for both of us, sir, please, let Andie stay. Mr.McPhee: I'm sorry. My mind's made up. (Cut to Jen in the Leery kitchen, dialing the phone.) Jen: Mom...hey...Jennifer...yeah, I figured that she might have called...I'm just, I'm staying next door with the Leery's....they've been really great...no, no, they don't seem to mind at all. Actually, that's what I'm calling about...um, I was wondering if that, well I know it's been awhile since we've talked about this, but I was just...curious as to what the situation is with me coming home...to stay...with you and Dad... (Cut to Dawson hammering a board. He accidentily hits his finger with the hammer.) Dawson: Owwwwwww! (looks at what he's done) Oh, God, I suck at this. (Joey sneaks up behind him and wraps her arms around him.) Joey: Hey. Dawson: Hey. (She kisses him.) Joey: You know, I've decided that...this whole new macho working man thing, definitely a turn-on. Dawson: Really? (She kisses him.) Joey: Mm-hm. I was thinking, however, that maybe you need a makeover. Tight T-shirt, denim, leather jacket, you know, grease the hair back... Dawson: Sure...I could do that. (Mr.Potter walks in.) Mr.Potter: I'm ready. Dawson: Oh, already? Okay, I'll finish that later and I'll go set things up! (Dawson runs off and Joey looks at what he did and smiles. Mr.Potter looks at it.) Mr.Potter: That's not going to work... Joey: I know...don't say anything... (Mr.Potter nods and walks off.) (Cut to Dawson filming Mr.Potter, Joey's in there. She's not looking very happy.) Mr.Potter: I guess everybody makes mistakes. Some of us are just better at it than others. Dawson: But you were able to overcome your mistakes. Mr.Potter: At first, I thought I would die of shame, literally. I lost everything that I loved. And as much as I didn't want to think it, Dawson, deep down, I was a weak man. And, even if I could turn things around, would my daughters ever forgive me? Could they ever forget what I did to their mother? How could-- (Joey gets up and walks out. Dawson stares after her, as does Mr.Potter. Cut to the McPhee house.) Mr.McPhee: This will be good for your mother, and Andie, and you. Put our family back together. Jack: What if, um, what if you stayed? Here with us. Mr.McPhee: I can't leave my business. Jack: Then start up a new one. Or move it here. Or take day trips, I don't care. If you really loved us, you'd stay. Mr.McPhee: There's no one here to help Andie. Jack: No, there's Pacey. I mean, I have never seen two people that have what they have together. Mr.McPhee: I can only offer what I've offered. Jack: You haven't offered everything. Mr.McPhee: Yes, I have. Jack: You haven't offered her a choice. Mr.McPhee: A ch--I can't do that! It's best for all of us if we all leave. Jack! Your mother and your sister need serious medical attention. And you're certainly not going to get the help you need here in Capeside. Jack: (in disbelief) Help? Exactly what kind of help do I need? Mr.McPhee: If you could talk to someone about your problem... Jack: Look, just don't even go there. (He walks out of the room and starts up the steps.) Mr.McPhee: Look, just hear me out. I understand that you're c-confused with these gay ideas. Jack: The only problem I have is the fact that you have a problem with me being gay. Look this isn't about me anyway, it's about Andie and what's best for her. God, Dad, let her make the choice. Let her make the decision. You know how damaging it would be to take her away now? Away from Pacey? Mr.McPhee: I hardly think a teen romance is a solution to a medical problem. Jack: Her solution will come from the people that love and care for her, I know that's not your specialty, Dad. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to Andie playing with her stuffed cat while Pacey sits in a chair in her room.) Pacey: This is ridiculous, Andie. For the two of us to be sitting here, passively waiting for our inevitable doom... Andie: You could use this time to start studying for your finals.. Pacey: Forget about my finals. Listen, I've got a much better idea. You and I, we have no idea what tomorrow brings but tonight is ours so... Andie: So what do you want to do? Pacey: I'd like to get the hell out of here if we could. Andie: Where are we going? Pacey: Well, Andie McPhee, I'd like to take you on a date. One where I can come over and pick you up, take you out to dinner, maybe a movie, some moonlight, a little romance. Believe me, this is exactly what you and I need. Andie: Pacey...it's just...that there's so much that needs to be done and...I just...you know what? You're right. A night out on the town, just the two of us, is exactly what we need. Pacey: Now you're talking. We'll deal with tomorrow tomorrow. Tonight...tonight will be magical... Andie: Okay... Pacey: Okay. (He kisses her on the forehead. He leaves. Cut back to Dawson interviewing Mr.Potter.) Dawson: What drove you to your lowest point? Mr.Potter: Joey's mom was getting worse...bills were mounting, why else would someone else make the idiotic decision to risk everything for the Almighty Buck. I found myself in what seemed to be at the time an impossible situation so I began trafficking marijuana. (Joey storms in and blocks the camera from her dad.) Joey: Dad, didn't you promise Bessie you'd bring her and Alexander dinner? Mr.Potter: Dawson, can we continue this later? Dawson: Yeah. (He leaves. Dawson gets up and walks towards Joey, adjusting a lamp. He looks at her.) Dawson: What's the matter? Joey: Look, this whole Dawson Leery, investigative reporter at large thing....it's intrusive. Why are you making my father relive such an excruciatingly painful time of his life? Dawson: That's the heart of it, Jo. I'm trying to get a complete picture of a man who's changed his life so completely, so heroically. Joey: But don't you understand? I don't want to live in the past. We've worked so hard to close those doors and move on. Dawson: Jo, I'm sorry. Joey: If you're so hellbent on making this assignment about something real, then why are you doing it on another person? Why don't you do the obvious? Turn the camera on yourself. Dawson: I can't. Joey: Why not? Dawson: (quietly) Because. Joey: Why not? Dawson: Because I'm afraid, okay? I'm afraid that I'm not enough for you and I never will be and if I do this, you'll realize that you've grown way beyond me and...I'm just going to lose you again. (Cut to Andie getting ready in her room in front of her mirror. Jack walks in.) Andie: Hey. Jack: Hey... Andie: I talked to dad. Jack: And why are you smiling? Andie: Because he said if I wanted to stay he'd try and work it out. Jack: Wow. Then it's great news then, huh? Andie: I guess. Jack: Andie, y-you can't actually tell me that you're thinking about leaving? Andie: I don't know. Jack: C'mon, I think the decision here's pretty obvious! Andie: Is it? Jack: Yeah... Andie: Listen, most days I feel fine, Jack. I do. But I'm not fine. In fact, I'm getting worse. And I think that whole Tim thing is just an indication of that. And the ironic thing is, the more time I spend here with everybody, and with Pacey, the more I want to get better. You know? 'Cause I don't want to drag him down with my problems. Jack: I don't think Pacey feels burdened by you. I know I don't. Andie: But I do. I feel burdened with the knowledge of how hard it must be for you guys to take care of me and that's why I've decided that if I leave, you should stay. Jack: No way. You're my family. You go, I go. Andie: But I mean, what about what you want? I mean, you're always so selfless, Jack. Will you promise me that you'll think about yourself this time? (Jack looks at her. Cut to Jen climbing the steps to Grams with a suitcase in hand. She heads over to the door and takes a few breaths, she stops herself from knocking. She sighs and turns around and heads back to the Leery's.) Jen: Bye Grams. (Cut to Dawson using the level thingy.) Mr.Potter: That's it. You're getting the hang of it. Good work, son. Dawson: Thank you. Look, Mr.Potter...I-I'm really sorry if I made you dredge up some painful memories today. Mr.Potter: Don't worry. It's not like something I don't think about every waking moment. But you asked me how I've changed, truth is, I don't know how much I've changed. But I keep trying, everyday, to be a better person for my family. To put someone else's needs before your own because you love them. Means everything. (Joey slowly walks in. Mr.Potter glances from Dawson to Joey.) Mr.Potter: I'm going to take a walk. (He leaves.) Dawson: I probably shouldn't have layed it all out there like that. I'm a little embarressed. Joey: Dawson, you have it all wrong. I mean, can't you tell by looking at me? My life is perfect right now. I've got just about everything I've ever dreamt of. I mean, my dad is back, my family is together again, business is good, and most of all, I have you in my life. Add a white picket fence to this scenario and the fairytale would be complete. Dawson: I just want to make you proud of me. Joey: I love you...and I believe in you and I am so proud of you and I'm not only proud of you, but I'm proud to be with you. (They kiss.) Joey: Hey and you could be a great carpenter one day...who knows? Dawson: Are you mocking me? (Cut to Jack walking into the room where his dad is sitting at a desk doing paperwork.) Jack: I'm staying. Mr.McPhee: And your sister? Jack: I don't know her decision. Whatever it is, I'm not going. Mr.McPhee: You want me to leave you here alone at 17? I don't think so, Jack. I could be selling the house. Jack: Dad, I don't care about the house. I can't live with you. Not with the way things are. Mr.McPhee: With your mother's illness, Andie's problems, and even Tim's death....those I can find reasons for. But with you, I feel like I'm to blame. Jack: But you aren't. Mr.McPhee: If I'd just been around more. Jack: It wouldn't have made a difference. I'm gay for the same reasons that Tim wasn't. It just happened that way. Mr.McPhee: But there are people who change, they go back. Jack: I'm hardly the encyclopedia of the gay experience but, I'd wager to say that their change is skeptical. Mr.McPhee: How do you know? Unless you try. Jack: I don't want to try. Why do you want me to try? Mr.McPhee: Because I can not understand why anyone would choose that kind of life. Jack: I didn't choose it. The only thing I chose was to be happy. Look, I can't go back for you because slowly but surely I'd be going to sacrifice my happiness for yours because I want you to be proud of me. But not under your terms. It just, it won't work. Mr.McPhee: Jack... (He stands up and Jack turns around. Mr.McPhee tries to say something but he can't. He goes back and sits at the desk. Cut to Andie and Pacey walking at the same place where they first danced and kissed.) Andie: Do you know where we are? Pacey: We're...by the water? Andie: You don't remember. Pacey: Of course I remember. This is where we first danced. Andie: And where we had our first kiss. I remember my knees were shaking like crazy. Pacey: My heart...boom boom boom boom boom boom. Andie: I was deliriously happy. Pacey: I died and went to heaven that day. That was a long...long time ago. Andie: It seems like yesterday. Pacey: What was I back then? Andie: A slacker. Pacey: That's what you thought, wasn't it? You thought I was a lazy brat. Andie: You thought I was a spoiled princess. Pacey: And you didn't let me get away with anything back then... Andie: Yeah and your favorite pasttime was making me miserable. Pacey: I hated you... Andie: I hated you more... Pacey: Oh, Andie, I really don't think that's possible. Andie: It's been a wild ride. Pacey: And it's only just begun. (Andie nods.) Pacey: May I have the pleasure of this dance, Miss McPhee? Andie: Yes, Mr. Witter, you may. (They start dancing and Andie starts crying.) Pacey: What's the matter? Why are you crying? Andie: I'm just so happy to be with you...and, um, I'm sad, too... I love you so much, Pacey....and I can't hide from the truth anymore. I'm not getting any better. Also, because I'm going to leave tomorrow...I have to... Pacey: I know... Andie: No goodbyes, okay? Pacey: No goodbyes... (They keep dancing, forehead to forehead, Pacey has his eyes closed almost in fear of what's to come...life without Andie...Cut to Joey walking outside of her house in her pajamas, it's morning. Dawson walks up.) Dawson: Hello. Good morning. Joey: Dawson? What are you doing here? Dawson: I've been here all night. Shut your eyes. Joey: It's 7 in the morning! Dawson: Shut your eyes! Joey: I have my pajamas on. Dawson: You look beautiful. C'mon. (He leads her down the stairs) Joey: What are you doing? Dawson: Walk with me. Keep your eyes shut. Stairs coming up. Joey: Dawson... Dawson: I gotcha. There. One...two...three. You're on the ground. Okay? Okay, stop. Stop. Stop. Okay, now open 'em. (Joey opens her eyes and she's amazed. There's a white picket fence in her yard.) Joey: A white picket fence... Dawson: Yep. Joey: When did you do this? Dawson: Took me all night. It's a little bit crooked down at the end there but...you know... (She kisses him.) Joey: Thank you. Dawson: I figure it will probably take me the rest of the summer to finish the thing but.. Joey: What? You hangin out in my front yard all summer? I think I could handle that... Dawson: Maybe it's time I started climbing in your window for a change, huh? Joey: Change can be good. (They kiss again. Cut to Jack running through the bus station. He spots Jen and runs up.) Jack: You didn't think you were going to get away without a send-off, did ya? Jen: Oh, well, you missed the parade. It just left. Jack: Well, looks like your parents said yes... Jen: Not quite. I called my mom and she casually informed me that now was not a good time for me to reenter her life and my dad said he's still getting over my last stay with them. I told them I was different and that I wouldn't a worry this time. They asked if it was just a ploy to get more money every month. Jack: Jen, I'm sorry.. Jen: I just figure screw it, alright? I don't need them as my destination. If I'm going to leave Capeside then what's holding me back? Jack: You don't have another place to go? Jen: Oh, I've got every place to go there's just nobody there. (Jack pulls her out of line.) Jack: Look, I often wonder how my mom would act if she was aware of what was happening to me, if she was capable of comprehending it. I don't think she'd have a problem with it because my mom loves me for the best reason possible...no reason at all. Because that's the way our parents should love us Jen. Unconditionally. Sadly, most parents don't. But as much as it hurts...it's worse for them. It is worse to be incapable of loving then to not be loved. (Jack takes her bags.) Jen: Wh-no, Jack... Jack: Well, I...I'm taking you back to my place. It's pretty empty and I could use a roommate...what do ya say? Jen: Yeah...yeah... (Jack hugs her and the bus pulls away. Cut to Dawson walking into the Icehouse.) Dawson: (yelling) Mr.Potter! Here's your tools. (He sets them on two stools and he hears some talking in the back. He goes and looks through the door. He sees Mr.Potter and Pete. Pete is pulling out a vase and he pulls out the flower decorations and underneath he pulls out a bag of cocaine. Dawson shuts the door behind him and walks back outside where he runs into Joey. She sets her tray down and walks up to him.) Joey: Hey.. (They kiss.) Joey: What's wrong? Dawson: (starts to say something but stops) Nothing...nothing's wrong... Joey: Okay... (She hugs him and Dawson's face drops. Cut to Mr.McPhee loading up the car. Andie's hugging Jack.) Jack: I'll see you soon.. Andie: Mm-hm... (Mr.McPhee holds out his hand to Jack. Jack shakes it.) Mr.McPhee: I'm not the best father, I know that. But I do want you to be happy. Jack: Thank you. (Pacey comes running from the other side of the house.) Pacey: Andie! Andie! (to Jack) Hey. (He puts his arms around Andie.) Andie: We said no goodbyes. Pacey: I don't want to say goodbye. I just want to look at ya...I wish I had some eloquent parting words for you but...all I could think of was this. Thank you. Thank you for everything you've given to me. Thank you for forcing me be the man you made me. Just thank you. I am so grateful to you, Andie. Andie: Oh, I don't want to let you go, Pacey. Pacey: Just remember your promise, okay? You and me together again, happy, healthy, more in love than ever. Andie: I'll remember. Pacey: You'll get better, McPhee. Then you hurry back to me. Andie: Pacey...kiss me... (They kiss.) Andie: My knees are shaking... Pacey: My heart...boom-boom, boom-boom. (They hug. Andie slowly breaks free and walks towards the car. The car pulls out and the view is through the back window of Jack and Pacey left behind in the driveway.) Dawson: (Overvoice) We're taught to believe that in the movies the character goes through an arc and changes, but what if that's not true? By the end of "Casablanca," Bogart's the same lonely, tough guy that he always was. (Shot of Pacey by a fountain.) Dawson: (cont.) His decisions didn't change him. Nor did his actions. (Shot of Jen and Jack sitting on his bed watching TV and eating ice cream.) Dawson: (cont.) It just showed what was already there. A man who wanted to change, but feared he couldn't. (Shot of Mr.Potter sitting, looking depressed at the Icehouse bar. Cut to the TV in Dawson's room. Dawson is talking on the video.) Dawson: (cont.) If Bogart really wanted to change, he wouldn't have sent his love away but held onto her for dear life...because...I think love is change. (Zoom out on Dawson actually in his room and he looks at Joey, who's asleep.) Dawson: Or at least I hope so. (Cut to ending credits.)

All of the gang's lives go through changes. After Andie begins seeing her dead brother Tim in the last episode, Jack and Pacey agree to call Mr. McPhee, who decides that he wants his daughter to be treated in Providence, not Capeside. All are stunned at the new changes, and Andie and Pacey must decide if Andie's mental health is more important than being together. Jack also must decide whether or not to go with Andie or stay. His decision is complicated when his father implies that Jack's homosexuality can be 'treated'. Dawson, while helping Mr. Potter extend the Ice House, interviews him for a film project about his supposedly changed life, but inadvertently catches him in the act of a drug deal. Jen decides to make a change so she calls her mother and inquires about returning home or visiting. She is upset to be told that it is an inconvenient time. She ends up moving in with Jack, as she has no other place to go. Andie leaves, and Jack and Pacey watch her go.

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3.21 - Here Comes the Son OPEN AT WESTON'S BAKERY [Lorelai and Rory are sitting at a table with books spread open in front of them] LORELAI: "Where's the ladies room?" "More coffee, please." "Does Antonio Banderas live near here?" RORY: We do not need to know how to say "Does Antonio Banderas live near here?" LORELAI: Oh, yes, we do. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: When we're in Spain, we need to know how to say, "Does Antonio Banderas live near here?" When in France, "Does Johnny Depp live near here?" RORY: When in Rome, "Does Gore Vidal live near here?" LORELAI: You know, you look like me, yet my ways are completely lost on you. Come on, honey, put that down. You've been studying all day. RORY: I can't put it down, I've got finals coming up. LORELAI: I know you have finals coming up, but you also have a piece of pie sitting there that you've been completely ignoring. RORY: Just let me get to the end of this chapter. LORELAI: Oh, fine. Hey, how important do you think it is to be able to say, "Help, I'm bleeding from the head"? RORY: Just bring the phrase books. LORELAI: No. If we learn all the phrases we need, then the phrase books are one less thing we have to lug around. RORY: We will never be able to learn all the phrases in every language that we're going to need. Bring the books. LORELAI: We can learn enough. Plus, doesn't everybody speak English over there anyway? RORY: Ugly American, party of one. LORELAI: Fine, we'll bring the books. RORY: Okay, five minutes for pie. LORELAI: Finally. [Lane walks in and sits down with them] LANE: They're here, I've got them. LORELAI: You've got what? LANE: The brochures for my college. RORY: You seem chipper. LANE: I am. I have decided to make this whole Seventh Day Adventist College experience a good one. I'm gonna look on the bright side, find the silver lining, and make myself some lemonade. LORELAI: Well, good for you. RORY: The campus looks pretty. LORELAI: Very pretty. LANE: It's got two huge parks with gardens and lakes. LORELAI: Two parks. LANE: One for boys and one for girls. RORY: Huh. LANE: And you know, I had originally thought that this was gonna be a suffocating place with out of date rules and insane restrictions, but boy was I wrong. For example, curfew is up to 9:30. 9:45 if you're going for your Masters. Makeup will be permitted, as long as it identically matches your skin tone. And owning a Rolling Stones CD is no longer grounds for expulsion. You can work the demerits off in the campus clean-up crew. LORELAI: There's a separate park for boys? LANE: My life is over. LORELAI: Oh, no, no, I didn't say that. LANE: You didn't have to. [leaves] LORELAI: Well, it is over. RORY: It's not over. LORELAI: Every kid in that brochure was awkward and panicked. It looked like the Academy Award audience during Michael Moore's speech. RORY: Hey, why don't you add the phrase "Just sit there and look pretty" to that list of yours there, okay? I've gotta go back to studying. LORELAI: "Does that sexy guy in the Peugeot ad who had a bit part in Armageddon live near here?" [opening credits] CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai walks down the steps carrying her shoes. She quietly walks to the kitchen and fills up the coffeepot with water, then walks over to the coffee maker as Rory walks out of her bedroom] RORY: Hey. LORELAI: [startled] Oh! Oh, God, Rory, you scared me. RORY: Sorry. LORELAI: I've been sneaking around here like an idiot trying not to wake you up. RORY: I've been up for hours. LORELAI: Why? Did you have a bad dream? The one where you finally meet Christiane Amanpour and she's really stupid? RORY: No, I realized last night that at this rate, I will never finish all the work I have to do. LORELAI: What work? RORY: What work? What work, she asks. LORELAI: Well, you know me and that dippy Christiane, takes a little while to catch up. RORY: Here. [hands her a list] LORELAI: Things to do before graduation. A list, of course. Study for finals, senior breakfast, senior awards, finish final edition of the Franklin, organize a new student government, convince Paris to give up student gavel. RORY: Oh, and I forgot - man the yearbook distribution table this afternoon at the stupid Senior Palooza. Unbelievable. LORELAI: Well, I'll be manning the Booster Club Grad Night table at the same time, so we can feel stupid and abused together. RORY: I can't finish all this and sleep at the same time. LORELAI: You have to sleep, it's what keeps you pretty. RORY: Who cares if I'm pretty if I fail my finals? LORELAI: Okay, you've got this so completely backwards. What is all this? RORY: Hm? Oh, I found that if I focus too much on one subject, I start to get a little punchy. This way, when I hit Bolshevik Revolution overload, I just shift over here and, oh, hello, Anne Boleyn is going down, and then when that gets too depressing, it's right over to calculus. LORELAI: Saving the party subject for last, huh? RORY: This shifting back and forth seems to produce better results. LORELAI: I think you're pushing yourself too hard. RORY: I made out a schedule. Every single moment of every single day from now until graduation is accounted for. LORELAI: You left off the Kiwanis Luncheon. RORY: I did? Are you sure? LORELAI: It's on Monday. RORY: How could I forget the Kiwanis Luncheon? They gave me their scholarship. LORELAI: Oh, yes, a two hundred and fifty dollar scholarship. That'll keep you in microwave popcorn for a week. RORY: I'll just have to move something around. And I'll have to work Grandma in. LORELAI: Excuse me? RORY: Grandma called and asked if I could come over and help her pick out a dress to wear to my graduation. LORELAI: No. RORY: I have to. LORELAI: Rory, my mother's been dressing herself for years and she has yet to show up at a function with her bra on the outside of her clothing. RORY: She asked, I can't say no. LORELAI: Tell her about the koala bears. She'll understand. [Luke appears at the back door window and waves to get Lorelai's attention] RORY: Please stop making fun of them. We need every cent we can get. Yale is expensive. LORELAI: I know Yale is expensive. RORY: Well, we haven't heard from Yale financial aid yet. [Luke gestures for Lorelai to come outside] LORELAI: We will, relax. RORY: Well, we had better hear from them soon because I have a deposit to send in for my room and I have a bunch of supplies to buy and I wanna get all of that out of the way before we go to Europe, otherwise I'll be obsessing about it the entire time. LORELAI: Okay, uh, listen, I'm gonna go out and get the paper. RORY: Okay, well, don't show it to me because I have no time for recreational reading until June. LORELAI: Hey, could we move your, uh, chill session from four o'clock tomorrow afternoon to, uh, right now? That'd be great, thanks. [Lorelai walks out the back door where Luke is waiting for her] LORELAI: Okay, um, little tip - the whole stalking thing works infinitely better when you don't actually smash your face in the window. LUKE: I need to talk to you. LORELAI: Come inside. LUKE: No, Rory's in there. LORELAI: Since when are you scared of Rory? 'Cause seriously, Luke, I think you can take her. LUKE: I just need to tell you something. Can she hear us? LORELAI: Through the walls? No, I put some kryptonite in her waffles. We're good. LUKE: Come over here. LORELAI: You're freaking out the freaks this morning. LUKE: Jess is gone. LORELAI: What? LUKE: And I don't think he's coming back. LORELAI: What do you mean gone? Like gone gone? LUKE: Exactly like gone gone. LORELAI: But when? LUKE: Last night, this morning, I don't know. I went up there to get some money out of the safe and I noticed that all of his stuff was gone. LORELAI: Oh, Luke, I'm so sorry. LUKE: Yeah, well, forget it. I'm through with him. He's eighteen, he can do whatever the hell he wants. He's on his own, I'm through. LORELAI: Luke. LUKE: No, it's a relief. That kid was driving me crazy. Let him make his own way from now on. Let him see how far that smart mouth of his gets him without someone watching his back. I couldn't be more relieved. I'm just worried about Rory. I assume she doesn't know. LORELAI: She hasn't said anything. LUKE: I can tell her if you want me to. LORELAI: No, it's okay. I can do it. I just have to figure out when. She's got a lot of things on her mind right now. LUKE: Well, don't wait too long. She'll notice eventually. LORELAI: Yes, okay. Well, thanks for coming over. LUKE: No problem. LORELAI: Luke? LUKE: I failed him. LORELAI: You did not fail him. You supported him, you defended him, you gave him a chance, and if he chose not to take it, there's nothing more you could do. LUKE: Yeah. Well, I should go. LORELAI: Do you have any idea where he went? LUKE: Yeah, I got a pretty good idea. [Luke leaves. Lorelai walks back into the house through the front door, and Rory walks up to her] RORY: Hey, there is no chill time scheduled for four o'clock tomorrow, and the one thing I really don't have time for are your jokes, missy. [walks back to kitchen] LORELAI: Later's good. CUT TO CALIFORNIA [Jess gets off a bus and starts walking down the street] MAN: Do you need some help, friend? JESS: Nope. MAN: Lived here 25 years. I can certainly point you in a direction, make your journey easier. [Jess walks away] Enjoy this beautiful day. JESS: [to himself] I'll have the alfalfa sprouts and a plate of mashed yeast. [Jess stands on the beach and watches the ocean] CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai pulls up and checks the mailbox. She opens a letter.] CUT TO INSIDE LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai is on the phone in the living room] LORELAI: Yes, I've been holding for Mr. Hennings. I'm Lorelai Gilmore. . .oh, great, hi. Listen, um, I just received this letter saying that my daughter did not qualify for financial aid. Rory Gilmore. . .Uh huh. . .Okay, yes, we did recently receive seventy-five thousand dollars, but, uh, here's the thing - that money is gone. I gave it to my parents, so I don't have it anymore, I swear. You could come over here and search me. We could open a bottle of wine and put on some Motown and. . . Uh, yes, that was very inappropriate. Look, um, I owed my parents that money because they helped me put Rory through Chilton, and I wanted her to go to Chilton so that she could get into. . .well, Harvard, but then Harvard became Yale - long story - and now that she's gotten into Yale, I paid them back for Chilton. Just kind of a funny, wacky circle we could all laugh about someday. . . Yes, but, since I don't have the money anymore, it just seems like it shouldn't count. There must be something we can do. I mean, Rory is the most deserving kid there is, just seriously. You know, I don't know if you know the Kiwanis, but they gave her their scholarship and. . .mmhmm. . .I understand. . .okay. . .well, we'll just have to figure something out. . . thank you. Goodbye. CUT TO CALIFORNIA [Jess walks up to a house. He starts to walk through the front gate, but a bunch of dogs run up and start barking at him.] JESS: Hey! Hello, is anybody home? Hey! [a woman is standing on the roof of the house] SASHA: [to dogs] Pipe down! [to Jess] You selling something? JESS: No. Does Jimmy Mariano live here? SASHA: Does he owe you money? JESS: No, I'm his. . .Jess. I'm Jess. SASHA: Jess? [a dog starts barking] JESS: Jess Marian - SASHA: Frodo, back off now! I'm sorry, what were you saying? JESS: I just wanna see Jimmy, okay? SASHA: Hey, did you ever see The Wizard of Oz? JESS: Yes. SASHA: Remember when they go to the Emerald City and they ring the bell and the guy with the beard stuck his head out and they said that they wanted to see the wizard, and he said no, and they said, 'She's got the ruby slippers', and he said 'Well, that's a horse of a different color. Come on in.' JESS: Yes. SASHA: Well, I'm the guy with the beard and I'm saying the no unless you can come up with the ruby slippers. JESS: I'm his son. SASHA: His son? JESS: Yes, his son. SASHA: Well, that's a horse of a different color. Come on in. JESS: Do they bite? SASHA: Just those two. [walks away] JESS: Which two? Hey, which two? Great. I swear I will bite you back. [He walks into the yard. The woman walks over to greet him] SASHA: I'm sorry, I didn't know you were coming. JESS: Neither did I. SASHA: I'm Sasha. This is Angus, Chowder, Rufus, Legolas, Caligula, Mudball, General Lee, Jimmy Jam, Terry Lewis and Spot. Jimmy's not here right now. JESS: Okay, well, I can just hang out, walk around for awhile. Just tell me what time he gets home. SASHA: Why don't you come in? I'll call his work. JESS: Oh, well. . . [they walk inside] JESS: You have a lot of pets. SASHA: Ah, they're not all mine. JESS: No? SASHA: No, some of 'em followed me home, some of 'em hang out, some of 'em just needed a place to crash. They drive Jimmy crazy, actually, but what can you do? Someone's gotta take care of 'em, right? I'm just gonna try and track him down, so just wander. [Sasha walks to a phone and picks it up] SASHA: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. [she dials a number] Okay. Lee, hi, I'm looking for Jimmy. . . okay, I'll hold. . . [Jess looks around the house] JESS: Clowns, cats, dogs. I wonder where his tap shoes are. [He walks into another room and looks around. He opens a cabinet door and finds a young girl reading inside] JESS: Whoa! [Sasha comes to the doorway] SASHA: He wasn't at work, but his guy said he'll be back any second. Lil, Koko's gonna come over and stay with you while I'm gone, okay? And put those books back in there when you're done, I mean it. Ready? JESS: Yeah. LILY: Hey. . . the door. JESS: Sorry. [Jess shuts the cabinet door and leaves] CUT TO CHILTON [Louise and Madeline are talking in the hallway] LOUISE: Shut up. MADELINE: I swear. LOUISE: Jean jackets are out? How is that possible? MADELINE: I just opened the magazine and there it was. LOUISE: This is horrible. Who decides these things? MADELINE: Marie Claire, apparently. [Rory walks over] LOUISE: I feel so helpless. Did you hear? Jean jackets are out. RORY: Out of where? MADELINE: Vogue. LOUISE: No, Marie Claire. MADELINE: Whatever. We still can't wear them. RORY: Oh, you guys, thank you so much for passing out the yearbooks for me. I really need the study time. LOUISE: No problem. RORY: Do you want me to at least help you bring the boxes in? MADELINE: Oh, we've got that taken care of. [Two guys walk by carrying some boxes] BOY: Halfway through. LOUISE: Yeah, well, hurry up, 'cause we need to get started. MADELINE: God, he carries those boxes sexy. [Rory's cell phone rings] RORY: [answers] Hello? EMILY: Rory, you haven't returned my calls. RORY: Oh, Grandma, I'm so sorry. I've been really busy. EMILY: I don't care how busy you get, young lady, you have to call your grandmother back. RORY: I'm sorry. EMILY: I won't be around forever, you know. RORY: I'm really sorry. EMILY: When are you coming over? I need to discuss what to wear to your graduation. I thought about a suit. RORY: A suit seems nice. EMILY: But perhaps it's too formal. RORY: Formal's fine. EMILY: Well, what are your friends' families wearing? RORY: I don't know. EMILY: Can you find out? RORY: Um, sure, hold on. [to Louise] Louise, what's your grandmother wearing to graduation? LOUISE: Hopefully the pearls I get when she kicks. RORY: [to Emily] Why don't I just come over? EMILY: Oh, that would be wonderful. Today? RORY: Yes, as soon as I can get away. EMILY: And bring a color swatch of your cap and gown so I don't clash. RORY: Bye, Grandma. [Rory hangs up, then dials a number] LORELAI: Hello? RORY: I just got another call from Grandma. LORELAI: Rory, no. RORY: I'm gonna go over there now. LORELAI: And leave me here alone? RORY: Where are you? I can't even see you. LORELAI: I'm over here by the Old Spice ad. [Rory walks to the doorway of the cafeteria and sees Lorelai across the room] RORY: Hi. LORELAI: Hi. Come over. RORY: I have to go. LORELAI: You can't come over and talk for one second? RORY: The minute I walk into that room, I'm suddenly gonna have to sign yearbooks, and since I'm severely crunched for time, I'm gonna have to resort to classic clams like, "Hey, have a good summer. Let's keep in touch. Best friends forever," and I do not wanna be that person. Plus, Paris will immediately shanghai me and give me a million things to do. LORELAI: You know what, you need to stop being intimidated by that girl. You're going to college for God's sake. You need to be able to stand up for yourself and say, you know, "Paris, go. . ." [Paris walks up behind her] PARIS: Hey. LORELAI: Paris! PARIS: What are you doing? LORELAI: I was just. . .the phone rang. . .your hair is really shiny. PARIS: We're not even set up yet. The box isn't out, the tickets aren't in order. Where's the list? LORELAI: Uh, it's uh. . .in my purse. PARIS: Well, terrific. I can't think of a better place for the list to be except, oh, maybe out here on the table where we could actually look at it. LORELAI: Your hair is really shiny. PARIS: I'm going to go make the rounds. I'll be back in a minute. Have you seen Rory? LORELAI: No. PARIS: I'll go look outside. [Paris walks away] LORELAI: [to Rory on phone] Run, run, run! RORY: Okay, I'm gonna be at Grandma's for about an hour. Can you pick me up? LORELAI: If Paris hasn't had me flogged, then yes, I'll be there. RORY: Thank you. Bye. [they hang up] LORELAI: Please, God, tell me I didn't forget the list. CUT TO CALIFORNIA [Jess and Sasha are walking down the street] JESS: So the kid in the bookcase back there. . . SASHA: Lily. JESS: Is she yours? SASHA: Mine, yes. Not Jimmy's. JESS: Oh. SASHA: I was married for the longest minute and a half in the world and. . .[to woman walking by] . . .hey sweetie, how's everything? WOMAN: Everything's fine. SASHA: I love that. Give Riley a kiss. [to Jess] Then I came to my senses and ran for the hills but I got Lily so I win, ha ha. Short cut. Anyhow, I met Jimmy about five and a half years ago, but Lily's just crazy about him, so. . .[to man] . . . Ronnie, I found your keys again. RONNIE: Oh, good. Thank you, baby doll. SASHA: You have got to sew that hole in your pocket up, I mean it. Today, drop your coat by my house. I'll do it for you if you don't have the time. [to Jess] Got any brothers or sisters? JESS: Apparently not. SASHA: Lily submitted a written request for a brother by the end of this year, but I think I should be married before we have any kids. JESS: You guys aren't married. SASHA: You didn't know that. JESS: No. SASHA: You guys had quite a talk, didn't you? JESS: Yeah, well. SASHA: Okay, we're here. CUT TO HOT DOG STAND [Jimmy and a worker are looking at a jar of pickles] JIMMY: Well. LEE: It looks like a jar of pickles. JIMMY: I know it's a jar of pickles, but is it that jar of pickles? LEE: Yes. JIMMY: You're sure. LEE: No. JIMMY: Look, the Chicago dills were the original pickles they sold here back in 1922. LEE: 1922. Yes, I listen. JIMMY: Now I finally tracked down the family that sold them, I paid a substantial premium to use the original labels, I waited weeks for them to arrive, and now they're here and I look at them and they don't look the same. Too many bumps. LEE: Jimmy, I'm begging you, play golf. JIMMY: Just call the guy and tell them they look different, please. LEE: Whatever you say. [Sasha and Jess walk up to the stand] SASHA: Jimmy. JIMMY: Hey Sash. SASHA: You have a visitor. JIMMY: Yeah? JESS: Hey. JIMMY: Hey. You, uh, just get here? JESS: Just got here. SASHA: So, Jess, I assume you'll be staying for dinner? JESS: Oh, well. . . JIMMY: Yeah, sure, stay. You'll stay. He'll stay. We'll get Abbott's, right? SASHA: Whatever you want. Well, I have to get back, so I will see you guys later. [leaves] JESS: Sorry I didn't call. JIMMY: Hey, life's about the spontaneous, right? JESS: This your place? JIMMY: The Inferno. . .yes. JESS: It's nice. JIMMY: Thanks. Hey, why don't I come out there? JESS: Oh, I didn't mean to interrupt your work. JIMMY: No problem. Hey Lee, I'm gonna take a break for awhile. LEE: Thank God. [Jimmy walks out of the hot dog stand and over to Jess] JESS: You didn't have to do that. JIMMY: It's fine. So, first time on the West Coast? JESS: First time on the West Coast. JIMMY: Okay. The sites. Ocean. JESS: I wondered what that was. JIMMY: Sand. JESS: Keeps the ocean in its place. JIMMY: Sky. JESS: We've got one of those back east. JIMMY: And then you have the boardwalk. Sunglasses, smoothies, bootlegged CD's. JESS: Good ones? JIMMY: Not bad, I guess. I never actually bought one. My neighbor Stan did. He's not my neighbor anymore. He used to work at Lockheed, but they shut down the Burbank plant, so he went to a trade school out in the valley. He installs cable now. Sends me a postcard at Christmas time. He's Dutch. Currently, we're in Santa Monica. You keep walking, you hit Venice - that's technically where we live. Past that, you got Marina Del Rey - lotta bike shots in that area. And then you're getting near the beaches - Manhattan, Redondo, and basically that's it. JESS: That's it. That's all of LA. JIMMY: Well, there are these crazy rumors that if you get in your car and you actually drive east away from the beach, there's some city and other stuff, but personally I don't believe it. JESS: I take it you like the beach. JIMMY: I would marry the beach if man and property were allowed to mate. JESS: Sounds serious. JIMMY: I've lived a lot of places all over this country, and nothing, absolutely nothing, compares to this. JESS: So where else have you lived? JIMMY: What, where else? Let's see. Minneapolis, Chicago, Biloxi, Maine - worked on a lobster boat. JESS: Yeah? JIMMY: Yeah. Let me tell you, I smelled great. Did a stint in New Jersey, New Hampshire... JESS: New York? JIMMY: Oh, yeah, well, obviously, New York. New York was. . .well, you know what New York was, so. . . JESS: Jimmy? JIMMY: Yeah? JESS: I didn't come here to bust your balls, man. JIMMY: Okay, good to know. LEE: [calls from hot dog stand] Jimmy, I got the pickle guy. He's as worried about you as I am. JIMMY: I should take this. JESS: Go ahead. I can just hang out. JIMMY: You sure? JESS: I got my book, I'm good. JIMMY: Okay, you're good. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [The doorbell rings and the maid opens the front door. Rory is on the porch] RORY: Hi, I'm here to see my grandmother. MAID: She's in the living room with Miss Celine. RORY: With who? MAID: Right this way. [In the living room, there are clothes everywhere. Emily is wearing an evening gown and is checking herself in the mirror] MISS CELINE: It's stunning. EMILY: Really? MISS CELINE: Chills, I've got chills. Turn for me, dear. Oh, it moves, it just moves. Ginger Rogers always insisted her dresses move just like that. EMILY: Ginger Rogers, well. MISS CELINE: Of course, she didn't have your legs. EMILY: Oh, Celine. RORY: Hey, Grandma. EMILY: Rory, perfect. What do you think? RORY: You look beautiful. EMILY: Well, if I do, it's all because of this lady here. Rory, I'd like you to meet Miss Celine. She's been our fashion consultant for years. RORY: Oh, well, how do you - MISS CELINE: Oh my God, it's Audrey Hepburn. RORY: What? MISS CELINE: You're Audrey Hepburn in Sabrina. Just a waif with eyes. RORY: Uh, thank you. RICHARD: Celine, I don't think the handkerchief works with this. Oh, Rory, I didn't know you were here. MISS CELINE: Richard, look at this girl, what do you see? RICHARD: Well. . . MISS CELINE: It's Audrey Hepburn in Sabrina. RICHARD: Hm, now that you mention it, there is a touch of Audrey in her. EMILY: But even prettier. MISS CELINE: Yes, without that ridiculous affected accent. For years I kept telling her, "Audrey, get a speech therapist." She was very stubborn. But could she wear capris. EMILY: You know, Rory is starting Yale in the fall. MISS CELINE: Yale, that is exciting. You'll need a whole new wardrobe, huh? EMILY: Oh, Celine, I love this one. MISS CELINE: Yes, I had that exact suit made in mint for Mrs. Walter Cronkite just last week. A darling woman. We've been friends since the Big Bang. RORY: Uh, that's nice. EMILY: What do you think of this, Richard? RICHARD: Well, I like the green one with the beads. It made you look like a mermaid. RORY: But you guys know that this is just a casual graduation. Folding chairs on the grass. MISS CELINE: There's going to be grass? RORY: Well, yeah, it's going to be outside. MISS CELINE: Oh, you cannot wear green around grass. I learned that from Tova Borgnine the hard way. Go try the red one on. Red goes wonderful with nature. EMILY: All right. RICHARD: I'm gonna try the grey linen. MISS CELINE: Ah, yes, yes, with this white silk shirt. RICHARD: Oh, very nice. MISS CELINE: Yes, I had that exact shirt on Jimmy Stewart the night before his colonoscopy. He came through it clean as a whistle. RICHARD: Hm, hm. MISS CELINE: Never underestimate the power of a good shirt. RORY: I never will again. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO CHILTON [Louise and Madeline are at the yearbook distribution table handing out yearbooks] MADELINE: Kathy Kim. LOUISE: Check. [Madeline takes a yearbook from the stack, rips a page out, then hands the yearbook to the student] MADELINE: Next. Greg Agulara. LOUISE: Check. [Madeline rips a page out of another yearbook and hands the yearbook to him] MADELINE: Next. Brad Langford. LOUISE: Check. [Madeline rips a page out of another yearbook and hands the yearbook to Brad] BRAD: Why did you do that? LOUISE: It has a really bad picture of us on it. BRAD: Yeah, but that page had the only picture of me in the entire book. MADELINE: Oh. [looks at the ripped-out page, then rips off a picture and hands it to him.] There. Next. [pan to Lorelai and Paris sitting at the Grad Night ticket table] PARIS: No one is going to buy our tickets. LORELAI: Give it time, Paris. PARIS: We've been sitting here for an hour and have sold eight tickets. LORELAI: Grad Night is a big deal, Paris. They will buy the tickets. PARIS: Unbutton your top. LORELAI: What? PARIS: Teenage boys are controlled by one thing. Unbutton your top. LORELAI: No. PARIS: Well, me doing it isn't going to help any. LORELAI: Paris, you need to relax. You need to stop worrying. You need to stop obsessing. You need to stop looking at my boobs. PARIS: Fine. Oh, man, even the stupid class poster table has a line. LORELAI: Okay, time to play "Let's distract Paris." Look at me. Let's talk. PARIS: About what? LORELAI: Anything. Tell me what college you finally landed on. PARIS: I didn't. LORELAI: Well, what's it between? PARIS: Princeton, Columbia, and Yale. LORELAI: Good choices. PARIS: I'm really not that interested in Columbia, but the thought of me going there horrifies my mother so I have to keep it in the mix, you know? LORELAI: Do I ever. PARIS: Princeton's a good school, but Jamie goes there. LORELAI: That's your boyfriend? PARIS: Yes. He goes there, and if I go there, it's going to look like I went there just to be with him. Suddenly I'm Felicity without the hair issues and I'm not terribly comfortable with that. LORELAI: But look at it like this - not going to a school you wanna go to just because your boyfriend is there is just as bad as going to a school you don't wanna go to just because your boyfriend isn't there. PARIS: I guess. LORELAI: If you wanna go to Princeton, go to Princeton. If you wanna go to Yale, go to Yale. Leave Jamie out of it. Leave your mother out of it. Just decide whatever it is you wanna do and do it. PARIS: I can try that, I guess. Thanks. LORELAI: You're welcome. [Lorelai leans forward to hug Paris] PARIS: Uh, what are you doing? LORELAI: I'm giving you a hug. PARIS: Why? LORELAI: Just give into it, baby. Come on, you can do it. That a girl. Unclench the fists, Paris. Unclench the fists. Yeah, there you go. CUT TO CALIFORNIA [Jimmy and Jess walk into Jimmy's house] JIMMY: Sash, I'm home! [he walks to a cabinet to put his hat away. Lily is inside reading a book] JIMMY: What's up, Lily-Lou? Want some pineapple on your pizza? LILY: Yes. JIMMY: Yes. [closes the cabinet door] JESS: Does she do that a lot? JIMMY: All the time. JESS: You ever find it a little weird? JIMMY: All the time. Uh, listen, why don't you give me a minute here. JESS: Okay. JIMMY: Make it two, two minutes. Three, and do a special knock before you come in, maybe a - JESS: I'll tell you what, I passed a bookstore back on the boardwalk, why don't I just go check it out for awhile? JIMMY: Okay. But I thought the knock idea was kind of cool. [Jess leaves. Jimmy walks into the kitchen where Sasha is sitting on the counter] SASHA: So, last week when you said you were going to Sacramento to check out a potential supplier, you actually went. . . JIMMY: To Connecticut to see Jess. SASHA: That was quite an elaborate story you made up. JIMMY: Well, I do have a gift. SASHA: Of course I didn't believe you. JIMMY: Okay, it's not a big gift, but . . . SASHA: Why didn't you tell me? JIMMY: I don't know. You're nodding your head. Why are you nodding your head? You're shrugging your shoulders. You're nodding your head and shrugging your shoulders. Why are you nodding your head and shrugging your shoulders? Will you stop nodding your head and shrugging your shoulders? Sasha, come on. SASHA: I'm gonna pick up the pizza. JIMMY: Just have it delivered. SASHA: The delivery guys are too stoned after six to find the house, it'll take forever. JIMMY: I didn't know how it was gonna go, okay? I didn't know if he was even gonna be there or if he was gonna wanna talk to me or slug me or - SASHA: I get it. JIMMY: Sash. SASHA: I'll see you later, roomie. JIMMY: Do not do that. We are not roomies. We are partners, we're soul mates. SASHA: You just traveled cross-country to see your son for the first time since he was born and you didn't tell me. We are roomies. JIMMY: I'm sorry. SASHA: Get the extra mattress out of the closet. JIMMY: What for? SASHA: For Jess. JIMMY: For Jess to do what? SASHA: For Jess to sleep on. JIMMY: Jess is sleeping here? SASHA: Isn't he? JIMMY: I don't know. SASHA: Jimmy, you didn't ask him if he's staying the night? JIMMY: No. SASHA: Well, did you ask him how long he's here for? JIMMY: No. SASHA: Did you ask him anything? JIMMY: Should I have? SASHA: Jimmy, he could be in trouble. JIMMY: What, he's in trouble? What kind of trouble? SASHA: How would I know what kind of trouble? JIMMY: Well, you're the one that just said he was in trouble. SASHA: I said he could be in trouble. He could be running from the cops, or attempting to hop across America on one foot, or he really did come all the way from Connecticut just to have pizza with his father who he's not seen or heard from in seventeen years. JIMMY: What are the odds it's the last one? SASHA: Do what you want. Talk to him, don't talk to him, I am not your mother. I don't care. I'll be back. Lily, come on. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Rory and Miss Celine are sitting in the living room] MISS CELINE: Now, Sabrina, college is a very important time in a young girl's life. You need to be properly attired. RORY: I'm sure, but - MISS CELINE: Trust me, a young girl is completely and solely judged by her appearance. All right, let's begin. I always start every wardrobe from the top. The hat. Remember Sabrina, it's the first thing that God sees when you walk outside in the morning. [Emily walks down the steps into the living room] EMILY: Well, I'm exhausted. I feel as if I've tried on every dress in town. RORY: So is it the blue? EMILY: Yes, I think it's the blue. I think it's quite suitable for my granddaughter's graduation. [Lorelai walks in] LORELAI: Hey. Hi hon, hi Mom. RORY: Hey. EMILY: What are you doing here? LORELAI: I just came to pick Rory up. Miss Celine. MISS CELINE: Oh my God, it's Natalie Wood! Look Sabrina, it's Natalie Wood. LORELAI: Oh, Miss Celine, I can't believe it, you're still. . .uh, working. MISS CELINE: Oh, I tried to retire once. Olivia deHavilland wouldn't hear of it. LORELAI: Well, how are you? How's Mrs. Walter Cronkite. MISS CELINE: Lovely. Thank you for asking, Natalie. EMILY: I left the suits upstairs. I'll just go up and get them. MISS CELINE: No, no, I'll get them. It's who I am, the keeper of the clothes. Delight to see you again. LORELAI: Same here, Celine. [Celine goes upstairs] LORELAI: Oh my God, she was like a thousand when I was ten, I can't believe it. RORY: You should've seen all the clothes that Grandma tried on today. LORELAI: Yeah? RORY: She picked out a beautiful blue dress for graduation. LORELAI: Aw, I'd like to see that, Mom. EMILY: It needs to be altered. LORELAI: Oh, sure. I'll see it at graduation, I guess. So I'm sorry I didn't give you advanced notice that I was coming over. EMILY: I don't need advanced notice, Lorelai. LORELAI: Okay, you just seem tense. EMILY: No, I'm just tired. And busy. I have a very busy evening ahead of me. LORELAI: Oh, I'm sure you do. [the maid comes to the doorway] MAID: Dinner's ready, Mrs. Gilmore. EMILY: No, it's not. MAID: I just checked it and it's - EMILY: I was in there ten minutes ago and it still had another forty minutes to go. MAID: But it's really brown and - EMILY: Lupe, please do not argue with me. It's not ready. Now go in there and make the salad. What? MAID: The salad's ready. EMILY: Lupe! [the maid walks away] LORELAI: Mom, it's seven o'clock. EMILY: So? LORELAI: That's your dinnertime. EMILY: I don't have a dinnertime, Lorelai. LORELAI: You don't have a dinnertime? EMILY: No, I don't. LORELAI: So all the years I grew up in this house, we did not sit down to dinner at exactly seven o'clock every single night? EMILY: No. LORELAI: I just imagined that? EMILY: Lorelai, I don't know what your obsession with dinnertime is. LORELAI: My obsession with dinnertime is that it was always at seven o'clock, now all of a sudden, it's not. Is it because I'm here? EMILY: That's ridiculous. LORELAI: It is. I'm here, and if you served dinner, Miss Manners would insist that you invite me to stay and you don't want to, so you're going to pretend that dinner is suddenly whenever you feel like it. EMILY: Lorelai, do not get dramatic. Dinner is not ready, and even if it was, I would still not be able to invite you to stay because your father and I have plans tonight. We are eating quickly and then leaving. LORELAI: To go where? EMILY: The Thompsons. LORELAI: For what? EMILY: Book club. LORELAI: What book? EMILY: Lovely Bones. LORELAI: Did you like it? EMILY: It's not my taste but I respect the attempt. LORELAI: Now I know where I get it from. EMILY: We'll have dinner another time, all right? LORELAI: Uh, so, are you kicking us out? EMILY: I told you, we have plans. LORELAI: Or do you just wanna get that dinner of yours that's been ready for ten minutes now on the table? EMILY: Lorelai, please. LORELAI: Tell me this - if I couldn't stay but Rory could, would you want her to? EMILY: Of course I would, but as I told you, your father and I have plans. LORELAI: So she can't stay even if I'm gone? EMILY: No, she can't. [Richard comes to the doorway] RICHARD: Emily, for heaven's sake, it's 7:10. Why aren't we eating? LORELAI: Oh, hi, Dad. Listen, um, Rory was gonna stay for dinner if you guys don't have plans. RICHARD: Of course we don't have any plans. Oh, I'm thrilled, Rory is staying. You just livened up a very boring night in the Gilmore house. LORELAI: Enjoy your dinner. And Mom, get yourself an agent 'cause you're wasting that talent of yours in dinner theater. RORY: Mom, wait. [Lorelai walks outside and Rory follows her] RORY: Mom, wait. Where are you going? LORELAI: I'm gonna drive in a circle backwards really fast to reverse the Earth's orbit to go back in time to before I made the insane decision to come here in the first place. RORY: You came here to pick me up. LORELAI: What was I thinking doing that? RORY: You were thinking, 'Hey, wouldn't it be great for my daughter not to have to walk all the way back to Stars Hollow.' LORELAI: Well, a thirty-mile hike never hurt anyone. God, I can't believe her. RORY: And I can't believe you. LORELAI: Why? RORY: You were gonna leave me here? LORELAI: So you could have dinner with them. RORY: I never said I wanted to have dinner with them. You said I wanted to have dinner with them, and then you stormed out. LORELAI: Okay, I'm sorry. I just, I finally realized that I can't do this anymore. I can't come back here anymore, I'm done. RORY: Well, I'm sorry. I never should've asked you to pick me up. LORELAI: It's okay. It's good, actually. Now I can stop feeling guilty for not talking to them. I can go back to the way things were before. We share a nose and that's it. RORY: So we're going? LORELAI: Yes, we're going. RORY: Okay, I have to go get my books. Please be here when I come back. [Rory walks back inside] EMILY: Are you staying? RORY: No, I have to go, Grandma. EMILY: All right, I guess we'll just see you at graduation then. RORY: I guess you will. EMILY: I swear, I don't know what to do with that mother of yours, I really don't. Everything has to be such a scene. RORY: I think you're being really stupid. [leaves] CUT TO STARS HOLLOW [Lorelai and Rory drive through the town square] LORELAI: So, Souplantation. . . RORY: Hang on, I'm almost at the end of this chapter. [pause] Okay, let the raving begin. LORELAI: A room full of all you can eat food. Soup, salad, pizza, pasta, chicken wings, ice cream, rainbow sprinkles. How did I not know about the rainbow sprinkles? RORY: I have no good answers for you. LORELAI: We are going back with Tupperware. RORY: It's turning yellow. LORELAI: Ah, shoot. RORY: Come on, gun it. LORELAI: I can't. RORY: Mom, we have to get home. LORELAI: Rory, I already have two tickets. I cannot get another. [Lorelai stops the car at the red light] RORY: Oh, I can't believe you stopped. LORELAI: I can't believe you wanted me to go. RORY: There's no one around. LORELAI: Now no one's around, but the second I run that light, a police car, four helicopters, the Canadian mounties and the crew of Cops jump out of a dumpster and I'm toast. RORY: Paranoid. LORELAI: Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you, my friend. RORY: All right, I guess we wait. [They see Luke sweeping the sidewalk in front of the diner] RORY: Do you think Luke will know we went to Souplantation? LORELAI: Not unless you tell him. RORY: But maybe he'll be able to tell. They'll be a glow. LORELAI: An all-you-can-eat glow. RORY: He'll see the glow, he'll know we cheated, and he'll never give us extra fries again. [Luke sees them and runs inside] RORY: Um, Mom, why did just bolt away from us? LORELAI: Maybe he saw the glow. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Okay, first of all, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I just thought with all the stuff you were doing, maybe I should wait. RORY: What's going on? LORELAI: Jess is gone. RORY: Gone where? LORELAI: I don't know. Luke knows, but he didn't tell me. But he doesn't seem to think he's coming back. RORY: Neither do I. LORELAI: Are you okay? RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: Ugh, forget this. [Lorelai runs the red light and heads home. A police motorcycle pulls out and follows after her] CUT TO CALIFORNIA [Jess is browsing in a bookstore when Jimmy walks up to him] JIMMY: Hey, when you say 'I'm going to check out a bookstore on the boardwalk', you be more specific. JESS: What? JIMMY: I have been wandering around for over an hour. I've been to three different bookstores. I have been worried sick about you, you hear me? JESS: Sorry. JIMMY: Outside. JESS: But - JIMMY: Outside. [they walk outside] JIMMY: Are you in trouble? JESS: What? JIMMY: You know, when you left home, were the cops after you? JESS: No. JIMMY: No 'cause they shouldn't be or no 'cause they haven't found the head yet? JESS: What's up, Jimmy? JIMMY: You just showed up here, man. JESS: I know I did. JIMMY: No call, no letter, just like - JESS: Just like you showed up in Stars Hollow with no letter, no call. JIMMY: Hey. JESS: Were you in trouble? JIMMY: We're not talking about me, we're talking about you. JESS: I'm not running from the cops. JIMMY: Then why are you here? JESS: Why'd you come to Stars Hollow? JIMMY: Hey, listen, Mr. Double-Talk, I need an answer here. JESS: Well, so do I. You show up, you don't talk to me, you don't say anything. You just have a cup of coffee, then you left. Why'd you come if you didn't even wanna talk to me? JIMMY: I did wanna talk to you. JESS: You did? JIMMY: Of course I wanted to talk to you. You think a person travels all the way across the country just to listen to a Bowie song? Granted, a classic off Ziggy, but still. JESS: So, what, you're telling me you just chickened out? JIMMY: Yeah. JESS: Oh. Well, I came to see you. JIMMY: Okay. JESS: And I thought maybe I could crash here for a little while. JIMMY: Uh huh. JESS: Just a little while. I don't need my own room or anything. I can just sleep on the couch. JIMMY: Or the extra mattress we keep in the closet. JESS: Sure, that'd be fine, too. JIMMY: You know, Sasha's always right. It drives me crazy. No matter what the situation, she's always right. JESS: Jimmy. JIMMY: I'd love to be right just once in awhile, you know? JESS: It wouldn't be for long. JIMMY: Do you know she called the Super Bowl five times in a row? Who does that? What is she, a witch? JESS: You know what, say no if you want. JIMMY: Jess, man, come on, you can't stay here. JESS: Why not? JIMMY: 'Cause you can't. JESS: Why not? JIMMY: 'Cause you can't. JESS: Why not? JIMMY: Because you can't. JESS: Well, I'd ask "why not" but it doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. JIMMY: Look at me, Jess. I'm not a father. I was never a father. I left you because I wasn't a father. I mean it, the minute the cigar was finished, I was like, "What the hell are you doing? You can't take care of yourself. How are you gonna take care of someone else?" JESS: That's not why - JIMMY: I can't take you in, I can't raise you. JESS: Raise me? I'm eighteen! I'm raised. I can vote, I can be drafted. It's a little late to throw me a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle birthday party. JIMMY: I thought you didn't come here to bust my balls. JESS: I didn't. JIMMY: Well, then put the bat down, man. JESS: I don't need a daddy. I just need a place to crash. JIMMY: Do you even understand that it's only been the last five years that I've even started to put my life together? You don't wanna be around me. I am a screw-up. That is my genetic code. JESS: Well, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. JIMMY: Don't say that. You're young, you can do anything you want. JESS: A month. Just let me stay a month. JIMMY: Are you listening? I have nothing to offer you. Nothing. JESS: You have nothing? I have nothing! I have no place to go. I can't stay at Luke's, I can't stay in Stars Hollow. My mother is a wackjob. I mean, you're saying you're this loser and what, you don't wanna take me off this terrific path I'm headed down right now? I'm not graduating high school. I don't know what I'm gonna do with the rest of my life, but something's telling me I better find out soon or I'm gonna be that guy out there on the boardwalk selling the hemp hats. JIMMY: I have one of those. It's a good hat. JESS: Well? JIMMY: I have to talk it over with Sasha. JESS: Just tell her I'm a dog. JIMMY: Great idea. Maybe you can sit there and lick yourself while she decides, you know, help sell it. JESS: Thank you, Jimmy. JIMMY: If she says it's okay, then we'll see. JESS: Fine, we'll see. JIMMY: It may not work out. JESS: I totally understand. JIMMY: But I'll ask and if she says it's okay, then we'll see. We'll see. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai and Rory walk through the front door] RORY: Oh my God, I'm so tired. LORELAI: Here's a crazy thought, how about going to bed? RORY: I have to study. LORELAI: Or, better yet, make a pot of coffee and once again, get no sleep. Just as good. RORY: What's this? LORELAI: Oh, that's just. . .Yale needed my Social Security number for something. RORY: Oh. [Rory walks toward the kitchen. Lorelai looks through Rory's yearbook in the living room] LORELAI: Look who became a soche. RORY: What? LORELAI: You have a lot of signatures in here, little girl. RORY: Everybody signs everybody's yearbook. It's polite. LORELAI: [reads] "Rory, have a great summer. BFF. Amber." Hey, Amber BFF'ed you. RORY: Yeah, I feel truly blessed. LORELAI: [reads] "Hey, Aurory Borealis." Okay, can't talk to this one ever again. [reads] "You have been my inspiration, my rock, my light. I loved you in South Pacific." When did you do South Pacific? RORY: What? LORELAI: Some dipstick named Shauna thinks you were in South Pacific. RORY: Oh, Shauna tends to get people mixed up. LORELAI: Oh, okay. [Lorelai looks at the yearbook some more, then walks to the kitchen] LORELAI: Hey, you know what's weird? A lot of the kids in here are calling you a valedictorian. Is that anything like a dirty skank, 'cause if it is I'll kick their plaid butts up and down the sidewalk. Were you named valedictorian? RORY: Yes, and you know what that means? One more stupid speech that I have to write, that I have no time to write, but nevertheless, I have to write. LORELAI: Hey, listen, my little Holly Hunter in Broadcast News, I'm gonna let you freak out and study like a mad woman and stress yourself out until finals, but once they're over, we are gonna celebrate big time. . .'cause this is amazing. RORY: Yeah, it is. LORELAI: Okay, now go make Mommy nervous.

Jess heads out to Venice, California only to learn that his father's community is just as quirky as Stars Hollow. The rift widens between Lorelai and Emily. Luke tells Lorelai that Jess took off for good. Lorelai waits for the right moment to break the news to Rory, who is stressing over finals and graduation. Note: This was to be a backdoor pilot for a spin-off called "Windward Circle", that would focus on Jess living in Venice, California and befriending a group of skateboarders. However, The WB did not pick up the series.

fd_Merlin_05x09

fd_Merlin_05x09_0

KILGHARRAH: In a land of myth and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young man. His name: Merlin. [NEW SCENE: GUINEVERE IS WALKING THROUGH A DARK CORRIDOR IN THE CASTLE, KEEPING TO THE SHADOWS, AND IS JUST ABOUT TO LEAVE WHEN PERCIVAL SEES HER.] PERCIVAL: You there! Show yourself. [GUINEVERE TURNS AROUND TO FACE HIM, TO HIS SURPRISE.] PERCIVAL: Your Highness. Are you alright? Is something wrong? GUINEVERE: No, no. All is well. PERCIVAL: It's dangerous to be out at such an hour. GUINEVERE: I am grateful you are so scrupulous in your duties. PERCIVAL: It's not where I thought to have found you, Your Highness. GUINEVERE: One does not always wish to be "Your Highness", Percival. I miss the old town, its streets, its people, so I go back sometimes. PERCIVAL: Is that wise? GUINEVERE: Well, people only see a Queen when they expect to. PERCIVAL: All the same- GUINEVERE: And it reminds me of Elyan... and I need that sometimes. PERCIVAL: Of course. I understand. GUINEVERE: I'm not sure Arthur would. PERCIVAL: I won't mention it. GUINEVERE: Thank you. [NEW SCENE: GUINEVERE IS MEETING MORGANA IN THE WOODS.] MORGANA: You're late. GUINEVERE: I'm sorry. MORGANA: Was there a problem? GUINEVERE: Nothing I could not handle. MORGANA: Did you get what I asked for? [GUINEVERE HANDS MORGANA A SCROLL.] GUINEVERE: It wasn't easy. It details the route the levy collection will take, the names of the knights, their arms, and the day they depart. MORGANA: You've done well, Gwen. GUINEVERE: How can it further our cause? [NEW SCENE: ARTHUR WATCHING GUINEVERE TALK WITH MORGANA. THEIR WORDS ARE INAUDIBLE. HE UNSHEATHES HIS SWORD BUT MERLIN STOPS HIM.] MERLIN: No, my lord! Morgana's too powerful. Now is not the time. ARTHUR: How could she do this? MERLIN: She's not the Gwen you love. She has fallen pray to a dark and powerful magic. ARTHUR: If I lose her, I lose everything. MERLIN: We'll find a way to bring her back, Arthur. I promise. OPENING CREDITS [NEW SCENE: ARTHUR AND GUINEVERE ARE HAVING BREAKFAST IN THEIR CHAMBERS. ARTHUR IS STARING AT HER. HIS PLATE IS FULL AND HE HOLDS A PIECE OF FOOD IN ONE HAND BUT DOESN'T EAT IT.] GUINEVERE: I thought I might ride this morning. ARTHUR: Yes? GUINEVERE: Would you like to join me? ARTHUR: That won't be possible. GUINEVERE: Oh. Perhaps this afternoon then? ARTHUR: Perhaps. GUINEVERE: Arthur, is everything all right? ARTHUR: What do you mean? GUINEVERE: You seem distracted. ARTHUR: Not at all. Pressing matters of state, that's all. I'm sorry. GUINEVERE: I understand. Is there anything I can help you with? ARTHUR (shakes his head): That won't be necessary. [ARTHUR GETS UP AND LEAVES, WITH HIS FOOD HARDLY TOUCHED.] GUINEVERE: You've hardly eaten! ARTHUR: I have a training session I must attend to. GUINEVERE: Well, perhaps I will see you later? [NEW SCENE: ARTHUR WALKS INTO A SECRET ROOM WITH MORDRED AND LEON AND LOCKS THE DOOR. HE UNFURLS A SCROLL ON THE TABLE.] ARTHUR: Gentlemen. This is the new route to collect the levy. Commit it to memory. MORDRED: My Lord? ARTHUR: You are to tell no one that we have changed the plans until the patrol is on its way. Is that understood? LEON: Sire. ARTHUR: Mordred? MORDRED: Of course. But may I ask why we're changing the route, my lord? It's another day's ride. ARTHUR: I can't tell you that. I just ask you trust me. [LEON AND MORDRED NOD.] ARTHUR: Good. You leave in three days. [MORDRED WATCHES AS ARTHUR BURNS THE SCROLL WITH THE NEW ROUTE.] [NEW SCENE: MERLIN IS LOOKING FOR SPELLS TO HELP GUINEVERE IN GAIUS'S CHAMBERS.] MERLIN: Why did I promise to help Gwen? I have no idea what to do. Is there really no remedy? GAIUS: If Gwen has suffered what I suspect then no, I fear not. MERLIN: You know what happened to her? GAIUS: When I was young, I heard about an ancient ritual of the Old Religion called the Teine Diaga. MERLIN: Teine Diaga? GAIUS: The sacred fire. The ritual used the mandrake root to bring unimaginable terror to the victim. Their screams could be heard twenty leagues away. When it was finally over, their will was no longer their own. They were slaves of the high priestesses for eternity. MERLIN: Who performed this ritual? Where? GAIUS: I've told you all I know. Such mysteries were revealed only to a handful of female initiates. As a boy, I was privy only to rumors. MERLIN: There must be someone who can help. GAIUS: I can only think of two people who truly know the Old Ways. One is Morgana Pendragon... [NEW SCENE: MERLIN WALKS TOWARDS A CAVE. BEFORE ENTERING, HE DRINKS AN AGEING POTION, TURNING HIMSELF INTO DRAGOON THE GREAT.] GAIUS: The other is the Dochraid. But be warned, Merlin. The Dochraid cannot be trusted. She must never know your true identity. DOCHRAID: Who dares enter the sacred cave? DRAGOON: I come to petition the Dochraid. DOCHRAID: Give me your hand. [DRAGOON APPROACHES AND GIVES HER HIS HAND. SHE SNIFFS IT AND PUSHES IT AWAY IN DISGUST.] DOCHRAID: I smell the stench of enmity. DRAGOON: I come in peace. In friendship. DOCHRAID: You are no friend of the Old Religion. No friend of Morgana Pendragon. DRAGOON: Great Dochraid- DOCHRAID: Silence! I know you, Emrys. Your Queen will find no relief here. DRAGOON: How do you know why I come? DOCHRAID: I am the Dochraid. The Earth speaks to me. You are not welcome here. Depart! DRAGOON: Oh, I cannot do that. Not until I have what I came for. DOCHRAID: You dare challenge me, the ancient Dochraid? You? A puny sorceror? DRAGOON: And yet I will have what I came for. DOCHRAID: I am a creature of the Earth. You cannot kill me. [DRAGOON TAKES OUT EXCALIBUR AND SHOWS IT TO THE DOCHRAID, WHO RECOILS IN FEAR.] DRAGOON: This sword was forged in a dragon's breath and it will do my bidding. DOCHRAID: You do not have the power to wield such a weapon. [DRAGOON SWINGS THE SWORD AND SLICES THE DOCHRAID'S ARM. SHE CRIES OUT IN PAIN AND COVERS THE WOUND WITH HER HAND.] DRAGOON: I wish you no furthur harm, Dochraid. Tell me what I need to know. DOCHRAID: Your Queen is doomed, Emrys. Her spirit has been consumed by the Teine Diaga. Bound by the silver wheel for all eternity. Her body is nothing but an empty vessel filled by the will of another. DRAGOON: Morgana. DOCHRAID: Once she has served her purpose, then that too will be cast away. DRAGOON: How do I break this spell? DOCHRAID: Only the greatest of sorcerers can attempt such a thing. [DRAGOON POINTS THE SWORD AT THE DOCHRAID AGAIN. SHE RECOILS IN FEAR.] DRAGOON: How? DOCHRAID: You must travel to the Cauldron of Arianrhod. There you will need all of your powers, for you must summon the White Goddess herself. [DRAGOON BRINGS THE SWORD CLOSER TO THE DOCHRAID, WHO RECOILS FROM THE THREAT.] DRAGOON: And that is all? DOCHRAID: No, Emrys. The Queen must enter the Cauldron. Its waters hold the Goddess' power. Only their touch can heal her. Remember, Emrys, the Queen must enter the water willingly. If she is tricked, forced or beguiled, she will fall into the abyss and be lost forever. [DRAGOON LOWERS EXCALIBUR.] DRAGOON: Thank you, Great Dochraid. Thank you. [DRAGOON STARTS TO LEAVE THE CAVE BUT THE DOCHRAID USES MAGIC TO THROW A DAGGER AT HIM. DRAGOON USES MAGIC TO REPEL IT AND ATTACKS THE DOCHRAID WITH EXCALIBUR AGAIN, WOUNDING HER. SHE CRIES OUT IN AGONY, DOUBLING OVER. HE LOOKS DOWN AT HER FOR A MOMENT AND THEN LEAVES THE CAVE.] [NEW SCENE: ARTHUR IS LOOKING OUTSIDE THE WINDOW AND SEES MERLIN RETURN FROM HIS EXPEDITION. MORDRED APPROACHES ARTHUR.] MORDRED: Sire? Is all well? ARTHUR: Yes. Thank you. MORDRED: If there's anything I can do... ARTHUR: I'm sorry? MORDRED: Just wanted you to know I'm always at your service. ARTHUR: I never doubted it, Mordred. [MORDRED NODS HIS HEAD AT ARTHUR AND LEAVES. ARTHUR GOES BACK TO STARING OUT THE WINDOW.] [NEW SCENE: MERLIN LEADS THE WAY INTO THE PHYSICIAN'S QUARTERS, SPEAKING TO GAIUS ABOUT WHAT THE DOCHRAID TOLD HIM.] MERLIN: There are too many things to go wrong. And summoning the White Goddess? That may be beyond me. GAIUS: I think not. Merlin, the only person who ever doubts your power is you. MERLIN: And even if I do manage that, we need to get Gwen to the Cauldron in the first place and she's hardly likely to go willingly. GAIUS: I've already thought of that. [GAIUS SHOWS MERLIN A POTION. MERLIN TAKES THE POTION BOTTLE AND INSPECTS IT.] MERLIN: Tincture of Belladona? GAIUS: All that studying has already paid off. MERLIN: It's a powerful and dangerous drug, Gaius. GAIUS: More dangerous than the traitor in the heart of Camelot? MERLIN: Besides, Gwen needs to be conscious when she enters the Cauldron. She must do so of her own free will or the spell will not be broken. GAIUS: That, I agree, may not be within our powers. MERLIN: Well then, the rest is futile. GAIUS: But there is for someone whom it is possible. MERLIN: Arthur? [GAIUS NODS CONFIRMATION.] GAIUS: Only he can reach the part of Gwen that remains true. MERLIN: It won't work. GAIUS: You underestimate the power of love, Merlin. MERLIN: No, not that. Me. How can I use my magic with Arthur there? He'd discover me in an instant. GAIUS: Not if he didn't recognize you. MERLIN: (chuckles) No. No, not again. You know how exhausting the ageing spell is, Gaius. I don't have to strength to do that and perform the ceremony. GAIUS: Then you must find the strength. [NEW SCENE: ARTHUR, GAIUS AND MERLIN TALKING PRIVATELY IN A HIDDEN ROOM.] ARTHUR: This tincture of Belladona, what are its effects? GAIUS: The patient is rendered into a deep sleep. ARTHUR: Patient?! GAIUS: It is generally used for the badly wounded. ARTHUR: How long does it last? GAIUS: A few hours. It has to be administered several times a day to provide a continuous sleep. MERLIN: But for no more than three days. GAIUS: It is true, Sire. The tincture should not be taken for an extended period. ARTHUR: Or? MERLIN: The body will not tolerate it. ARTHUR: Thank you, Merlin. GAIUS: Three days is time enough to ride to the Cauldron of Arianrhod. ARTHUR: You've done the journey yourself, have you? GAIUS: I cannot claim to- ARTHUR: Any mishap, any unexpected circumstance will- GAIUS: There is no reason to suspect that all will not go well. My Lord, if we do nothing, Gwen is already taken from you. ARTHUR: Merlin? [ARTHUR AND MERLIN EXCHANGE A GLANCE AGREEING TO DO THIS.] ARTHUR: Summoning this Goddess, will it require magic? GAIUS: It is a ritual that can only be performed by a sorcerer. It is the only way, Sire. Sorcery has to be fought with sorcery. ARTHUR: I'll be breaking my own decrees. GAIUS: To save your Queen, to save your wife. ARTHUR: Very well. It's decided. There'll be a sorcerer. Can he be trusted? GAIUS: Upon my life. ARTHUR: You assured me so once before, Gaius, but my father died in the hands of such a man. GAIUS: This sorcerer will be entirely different. ARTHUR: How can you be sure? GAIUS: Because, Sire, this time I have chosen... a woman. [MERLIN GIVES GAIUS A STRANGE LOOK.] [NEW SCENE: ARTHUR WALKS IN HIS CHAMBERS THINKING. GUINEVERE WALKS UP BEHIND HIM.] GUINEVERE: How was the training, my Lord? ARTHUR: Fine. GUINEVERE: Did you win? Lose? ARTHUR: A little of both. GUINEVERE: You're a terrible liar, Arthur. You're wearing the same clothes you were this morning and your armor remains untouched. I'm not a fool. Wherever you've been, it wasn't the training ground. ARTHUR: I um- GUINEVERE: Have I done somthing wrong? Spoken out of turn? Said something I shouldn't? I'm your wife, Arthur! I wouldn't see you hurt for the world. Now tell me what's troubling you. ARTHUR (sadly): I love you, Guinevere, more than you can imagine. There isn't anything I would not do for you. GUINEVERE: I know, I- [ARTHUR PULLS GUINEVERE INTO A STRONG EMBRACE. GUINEVERE IS LOOKING PUZZLED AND ARTHUR IS LOOKING OUT REALLY SADLY.] [NEW SCENE: MERLIN IN GAIUS'S CHAMBERS TRYING ON A BLACK DRESS.] MERLIN: What do you think? GAIUS: Ah. Well, it quite suits you, actually. MERLIN (laughs): Thanks. [MERLIN STARTS HEADING TO HIS ROOM.] GAIUS: You're forgetting one thing. [MERLIN STOPS AND TURNS BACK TO GAIUS, LOOKING PUZZLED.] MERLIN: I think it needs a belt. [MERLIN STARTS HEADING BACK TO HIS ROOM WHEN GAIUS CALLS HIM BACK AGAIN HOLDING THE BELLADONA POTION.] GAIUS: Remember, you have to administer two drops every two hours to keep Gwen asleep. [MERLIN GOES TO HIS ROOM TO GRAB HIS THINGS FOR THE TRIP AND COMES BACK DOWN AND TAKES THE POTION FROM GAIUS.] MERLIN: Do you really think we can succeed, Gaius? GAIUS: We must. [GAIUS AND MERLIN LEAVE THE ROOM] [NEW SCENE: ARTHUR, GAIUS AND GUINEVERE ARE EATING IN THE ROYAL CHAMBERS. MERLIN POURS THE BELLADONA IN THE PITCHER AND ATTEMPTS TO GIVE GUINEVERE A DRINK.] MERLIN: Wine, my Lady? GUINEVERE: Not tonight thanks, Merlin. [MERLIN FAILS TO POUR THE WINE IN GUINEVERE'S GOBLET AND LOOKS AT ARTHUR AND GAIUS FOR HELP. ARTHUR RAISES HIS GLASS] ARTHUR: A toast. GUINEVERE: My Lord? ARTHUR: A toast to... A toast to the Queen. GUINEVERE: Me? What have I done? GAIUS: Just being yourself, Your Highness. GUINEVERE: You're very kind, Gaius, but shouldn't it rather be to Camelot? [MERLIN POURS GUINEVERE SOME WINE] ARTHUR, MERLIN, GAIUS: To Camelot. ARTHUR: Yes, to Camelot. GUINEVERE: To Camelot [EVERYONE TAKES A DRINK FROM THEIR GOBLETS. GAIUS, ARTHUR AND MERLIN START STARING AT GUINEVERE, WAITING FOR THE BELLADONNA TO TAKE AFFECT. FOR A MOMENT, GUINEVERE SEEMS UNAFFECTED, TO THEIR CONCERN.] GUINEVERE: You haven't eaten, my Lord. ARTHUR: No, I hav- [GUINEVERE PASSES OUT AND MERLIN PUSHES A PLATE OF SOFT BREAD UNDER HER HEAD SO SHE DOES NOT HIT THE TABLE. THEY ALL SPRING INTO ACTION.] ARTHUR: You're sure this is safe, Gaius? GAIUS: I'd stake my life on it, Sire. ARTHUR: You may have to. [MERLIN WHEELS IN A SMALL WHEELBARROW WITH A CLOTH FOLDED ON IT.] ARTHUR: She's still a Queen! MERLIN: It was the best I could do. GAIUS: We have to hurry, Sire. [ARTHUR AND MERLIN START TO PLACE GUINEVERE ON THE WHEELBARROW.] ARTHUR: Careful... [ARTHUR EASES THE REST OF GUINEVERE ON THE WHEELBARROW. MERLIN DRAPES A SHEET OVER HER BODY TO CONCEAL HER.] MERLIN: There. No one will know. ARTHUR: Gaius, you're sure this is going to work? GAIUS: You'll be amazed at how much licence old age lends you, Sire. Merlin, come. We meet at the Darkling Woods. [MERLIN STARTS TO STEER GUINEVERE OUT OF THE ROOM.] ARTHUR: Merlin, if you drop her... MERLIN: I know. I lose my head. ARTHUR: Just so we're clear. [MERLIN LEAVES THE ROOM WITH GUINEVERE. ARTHUR CLOSES THE DOOR AND PREPARES FOR THE JOURNEY.] [NEW SCENE: GAIUS AND MERLIN ARE TAKING GUINEVERE TO THE DARKLING WOODS. THEY PASS TWO KNIGHTS.] GAIUS: Keep up, boy! Keep up! [THE KNIGHTS AND GAIUS LET MERLIN PASS AND GAIUS ADDRESSES THE KNIGHTS.] GAIUS: Why I keep him is beyond me. [THEY CONTINUE ON.] GAIUS: Are you alright? MERLIN: She's a lot heavier than she looks. GAIUS: That might very well be grounds for treason. MERLIN: Oh, dear. [GAIUS AND MERLIN BUMP INTO GWAINE AND MORDRED.] GWAINE: Ah! Gaius and Merlin. MORDRED: And a barrow of linen. GAIUS: Sir Gwaine, Sir Mordred. GWAINE: Planning on changing a bed? MORDRED: Or perhaps to run up some clothes? [MORDRED REACHES FOR THE SHEET COVERING GUINEVERE AND MERLIN PULLS AWAY.] GAIUS: Don't touch that. Not unless you want to risk an attack of Red Thrush Fever. GWAINE: I never heard of it? GAIUS: Ah, then you are fortunate indeed. More fortunate than the young man who just died in these very bedclothes. They have to be burned immediately. The last thing Camelot needs is an outbreak of Red Thrush Fever. Is it not? GWAINE (looking concerned): Yes, of course. Sorry. [MORDRED AND GWAINE ALLOW MERLIN AND GAIUS TO PASS BY AND THEY ALL HEAD ON THEIR WAY, BUT THEN GWAINE STOPS THEM.] GWAINE: Gaius? GAIUS: Sire? GWAINE: What is the name of the unfortunate young man? So that I may send somthing to his family. GAIUS: Timothy [GAIUS AND MERLIN CONTINUE ON THEIR WAY BUT NOT BEFORE MORDRED TURNS BACK AND SEES GUINEVERE'S HAND FALL FROM UNDER THE SHEET.] [NEW SCENE: ARTHUR IS WAITING IN THE FOREST FOR MERLIN AND GAIUS TO BRING GUINEVERE. HE LOOKS OVER TO JUST SEE GAIUS WALKING TO HIM.] ARTHUR: Where's Merlin? GAIUS: It's alright, Sire. He comes. [MERLIN COMES UP BEHIND GAIUS BRINGING GUINEVERE.] ARTHUR: What kept you? MERLIN: Do you have any idea how steep those slopes are? [WHEN MERLIN GETS TO ARTHUR, ARTHUR TAKES OFF THE SHEET TO REVEAL GUINEVERE.] ARTHUR: She looks so innocent. Perfect. GAIUS: She still is, Sire. The only evil in her is Morgana's. Come, you must be on your way. [ARTHUR TAKES GUINEVERE IN HIS ARMS AND BRINGS HER TO THE HORSES AND MERLIN BRIEFLY HUGS GAIUS GOODBYE.] [NEW SCENE: ARTHUR AND GUINEVERE ARE RIDING THROUGH THE FOREST TOWARDS THE CAULDRON OF ARIANRHOD.] [NEW SCENE: THE DOCHRAID'S SACRED CAVE.] DOCHRAID: Gehaele thisne lichaman. Gestrangeme nu mihtig hie to forwarniene; yfel is on ofost. [NEW SCENE: ARTHUR AND MERLIN HAVE REACHED THE MOUNTAINS AND HAVE STOPPED TO PLAN THEIR NEXT MOVE.] MERLIN: The sorceress lives at the westernmost peak. ARTHUR: That would be the highest. It always is, isn't it? Better get started, then. [MERLIN LOOKS BEHIND THEM AND STOPS ARTHUR BECAUSE HE SENSES SOMEONE WATCHING THEM.] MERLIN: Wait... We're being watched. ARTHUR: One of your funny feelings again? That's alright, then. [ARTHUR AND MERLIN START TO CONTINUE THROUGH THE MOUNTIAN PASS.] ARTHUR: We'll tether the horses here. It'll be quicker on foot. [ARTHUR AND MERLIN STOP TO TIE THE HORSES AND CONTINUE ON FOOT.] MERLIN: What about the supplies? ARTHUR: You'll manage. MERLIN: I can't take it all. ARTHUR: I'll be carrying Guinevere. MERLIN: She's half the weight of that lot. ARTHUR: Are you suggesting that I risk the safety of the Queen and carry even more? MERLIN: I could take her an- ARTHUR: She's my wife. MERLIN: I'd be careful. ARTHUR: And you're the servant. [NEW SCENE: THE DOCHRAID'S CAVE.] DOCHRAID: Fleoge thu swa swa se windraesgrimsath. [AS THE DOCHRAID CHANTS, SHE ATTACHES A MESSAGE TO A CROW'S LEG. WHEN SHE FINISHES HER CHANT, THE CROW FLIES OUT OF THE CAVE.] [NEW SCENE: ARTHUR AND MERLIN ARE WALKING WITH GUINEVERE ALONG THE EDGE OF THE CLIFF OF THE MOUNTAIN.] ARTHUR: These funny feelings of yours... MERLIN: They're not funny. ARTHUR: Stupid, then. Where do they come from, do you think? Are you still there, Merlin? Don't tell me you've gone into a sulk. MERLIN: I'm not sulking. I'm carrying a load even a horse would struggle under. ARTHUR: Do you good. MERLIN: How come it wouldn't do you good? ARTHUR: I'm already good. MERLIN: Well maybe I- [MERLIN FALLS DOWN THE CLIFF WITHOUT ARTHUR NOTICING.] ARTHUR: Merlin? [ARTHUR TURNS AROUND AND MERLIN IS GONE.] ARTHUR: Merlin? [ARTHUR SETS GUINEVERE DOWN ON THE GROUND AND LOOKS OVER THE CLIFF TO FIND MERLIN UNCONSCIOUS.] ARTHUR: Merlin?!! [ARTHUR STARTS TO CLIMB DOWN THE CLIFF TO MERLIN BUT SLIPS AND FALLS WITH SOME ROCKS.] [NEW SCENE: MORGANA RECIEVES THE NOTE FROM THE DOCHRAID. SHE WALKS TO WHERE AITHUSA IS HIDING AND READS THE NOTE.] DOCHRAID'S VOICE: Emrys is working to foil your plans. He means to cleanse Guinevere at the Cauldron of Arianrhod. MORGANA: No! [AITHUSA GROWLS.] MORGANA: You must help me, Aithusa. This cannot be. [NEW SCENE: ARTHUR AND MERLIN ARE UNCONSCIOUS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE CLIFF. ARTHUR WAKES UP TO FIND HIS ARM TRAPPED BETWEEN TWO BOULDERS. HE TRIES TO KICK MERLIN AWAKE, BUT CAN'T REACH HIM.] ARTHUR: Merlin! Merlin! [ARTHUR TRIES TO FREE HIS HAND BUT IT'S STUCK. HE PREPARES TO CUT HIS ARM OFF WHEN...] MORDRED: ARTHUR!!! [HE LOOKS UP TO SEE MORDRED AT THE TOP OF THE CLIFF WITH A ROPE IN HAND. A BIG WAVE OF RELIEF FLOODS THROUGH HIM.] ARTHUR: Check on Guinevere. MORDRED: I already have, Sire. She sleeps soundly. [NEW SCENE: ARTHUR, MERLIN AND MORDRED AROUND A CAMPFIRE IN THE MOUNTAIN PASS. GUINEVERE SLEEPING SOUNDLY NEXT TO THEM.] MORDRED: It does not seem possible. The Queen has the sweetest of natures. ARTHUR: It was never her. Just Morgana. I'm sorry I didn't confide in you. MORDRED: It's best you didn't. If I hadn't had my suspicions, I wouldn't have followed you. Merlin acting strangely... ARTHUR: Is that so unusual? MORDRED: And the levy route being changed. ARTHUR: You had a funny feeling. MORDRED: My Lord? ARTHUR: I'm glad that you did, Mordred. Without you, I fear I would have lost my arm at the very least. MERLIN: I would have woken. ARTHUR: Merlin, if I had to rely on your timekeeping, I'd have lost both my arms and my legs to boot. It's good to have you with us. Three's always better than two, isn't that right, Merlin? MERLIN: Of course. It's time. ARTHUR: I'll do it. MERLIN: Two drops only. [SCENE_BREAK] [ARTHUR GOES TO GIVE GUINEVERE THE BELLADONA LEAVING MERLIN AND MORDRED ALONE. MORDRED GOES AND CROUCHES NEXT TO MERLIN.] MORDRED: You don't trust me, do you, Merlin? MERLIN: I believe you to be a... fine knight. MORDRED: But not one to be trusted. It's alright. I know you have the King's best interests at heart. I only wish you'd believe that I do too. One day, I shall prove my loyalty to you and to the King. Then I hope we may be friends. MERLIN: I could wish for nothing more. [NEW SCENE: MORDRED, MERLIN AND ARTHUR, WHO IS CARRYING GUINEVERE, CONTINUE THROUGH THE MOUNTAIN PASS LOOKING FOR THE CAULDRON. THEY PASS BY A BUNCH OF BANNERS.] MORDRED: What's the meaning of these banners? MERLIN: Marks the way for pilgrims. This is a sacred site for those who follow the Old Religion. ARTHUR: How do you know such things? MERLIN: Gaius told me. [MORGANA IS WATCHING FROM A DISTANCE.] ARTHUR: How much further? MERLIN: Not far. This gorge leads to the Cauldron. [AITHUSA SCREAMS.] [AITHUSA FLIES TOWARDS THEM AND BLOWS FIRE TOWARDS THEM. ARTHUR SWINGS GUINEVERE FROM HARMS WAY AND LEADS THE OTHERS BETWEEN SOME BOULDERS.] ARTHUR: Here! [BEFORE HIDING MERLIN LOOKS AROUND FOR SIGNS OF MORGANA. HE THEN JOINS ARTHUR AND MORDRED BEHIND THE BOULDER.] ARTHUR: Morgana must be close. MERLIN: You go. I'll distract it. ARTHUR: No. MERLIN: You must. ARTHUR: You're the only one who knows where the sorcerer is. MERLIN: Arthur!! [AITHUSA SWOOPS BY THE BOULDER.] MORDRED: Get Gwen to safety, Sire. We'll cover you and join you beyond the gorge. ARTHUR: Very well. [ARTHUR LEAVES MERLIN AND MORDRED AND TAKES GUINEVERE TO SAFETY.] MERLIN: Stay here. I'll divert the creature. MORDRED: Merlin, you can't. MERLIN: I know what I'm doing, Mordred. [MERLIN RUNS OUT INTO THE OPEN WITH AITHUSA SWOOPING AROUND. AITHUSA STARTS TO ATTACK MERLIN BUT HE TELLS HER (IN DRAGON TONGUE) TO LEAVE AND STOP HER ATTACK. SHE OBEYS AND MERLIN GOES BACK TO MORDRED. HE STARTS TO GRAB THE SUPPLIES.] MORDRED: What happened? Merlin? MERLIN: Come on. MORDRED: The dragon... MERLIN: We need to move. [THEY START RUNNING TO WHERE ARTHUR IS BUT MORGANA IS BEHIND THEM AND INTERCEPTS THEM. SHE FLINGS THEM THROUGH THE AIR AND KNOCKS OUT MORDRED. MERLIN, STILL CONSCIOUS, GETS UP AND FLEES TO ARTHUR.] ARTHUR: Merlin! Where's Mordred? [MERLIN JUST SHAKES HIS HEAD. ARTHUR GETS UP AND TRIES TO GET PAST MERLIN TO HELP MORDRED BUT MERLIN STOPS HIM.] MERLIN: No, Arthur. ARTHUR: I won't leave a knight behind. MERLIN: I saw Morgana. Mordred's given us a chance. We can't throw it away. [NEW SCENE: MORDRED LAYING IN THE ROAD AND MORGANA SLOWLY STROKES HER FINGERS ACROSS HIS FACE TO WAKE HIM UP. HE STIRS AND LOOKS AT MORGANA.] MORDRED: Why don't you kill me? MORGANA: My argument's not with you, Mordred. How could it be? We're of a kind. [MORDRED PULLS HIMSELF TO HIS FEET AND BACKS AWAY FROM MORGANA.] MORDRED: Never. MORGANA: You wear the uniform well but we both know what lies beneath. Do you think Arthur would tolerate you for one minute if he knew the truth? One of his knights, a sorcerer. MORDRED: One day he will know. One day we will be accepted. MORGANA: Your na vet would be charming if it wasn't so dangerous. Where's Emrys? MORDRED: Emrys? MORGANA: You pretend you do not know of whom I speak? MORDRED: It is a name I've only heard of. MORGANA: He's not here? With you? MORDRED: If he was, would we both not feel the presence of such a great sorcerer? [MORGANA LOOKS FRIGHTENED AND UNCERTAIN. MORDRED WATCHES HER.] MORGANA: Then I have no further use for you. [MORGANA RAISES HER HAND TO CAST A SPELL.] MORDRED: You would strike one of your own? [MORGANA HESITATES, LOWERING HER HAND.] MORDRED: I am not strong enough to defeat you, Morgana, but know this. Such hatred as yours can never triumph. I hope one day you will find the love and compassion which used to fill your heart. [MORGANA IS VISIBLY MOVED TO NEAR TEARS BY HIS WORDS. MORDRED TAKES ADVANTAGE OF HER DISTRACTION AND USES HIS MAGIC TO THROW HER BACKWARDS. SHE IS RENDERED UNCONSCIOUS BY THE IMPACT OF HER FALL. MORDRED SLOWLY LOWERS HIS HAND.] [NEW SCENE: ARTHUR CARRIES GUINEVERE TOWARDS THE CAULDRON OF ARIANRHOD, WITH MERLIN FOLLOWING.] MERLIN: It's as Gaius described. The Cauldron of Arianrhod. [MERLIN SETS DOWN THE SUPPLIES, SIGHING AS HE IS RELIEVED OF HIS HEAVY BURDENS. ARTHUR SETS GUINEVERE DOWN NEAR THE EDGE OF THE WATER.] ARTHUR: Where's the sorceress? MERLIN: Gaius says she's a recluse. She shuns the company of men. ARTHUR: She's going to have to make an exception. We haven't got much time. Guinevere could wake up at any moment. MERLIN: We've got more tincture. ARTHUR: No! No more. I won't risk it. We have to find her. MERLIN: I'll search her out. [MERLIN GRABS ONE OF THE BAGS TO BRING WITH HIM. A BLACK DRESS FALLS OUT OF THE BAG AND ARTHUR NOTICES IT. MERLIN PICKS THE DRESS UP AND STUFFS IT BACK INTO THE BAG.] MERLIN: You didn't think this was going to be free, did you? ARTHUR: What are you talking about? MERLIN: The sorceress. She likes to be paid in clothes. She can't get to a tailor. ARTHUR: Why would a recluse be interested in clothes? MERLIN: I don't know, Arthur. She's a sorceress. She's not going to be normal, is she? [NEW SCENE: MERLIN MOVES TO A CONCEALED SPOT, TAKES THE DRESS OUT OF THE BAG AND STARTS TO PUT IT ON OVER HIS CLOTHES.] [NEW SCENE: ARTHUR SITS NEXT TO THE UNCONSCIOUS GUINEVERE.] ARTHUR: Not long now, my love. [ARTHUR HEARS THE SOUND OF FOOTSTEPS AND LOOKS UP TO SEE MORDRED RUNNING TOWARDS HIM.] ARTHUR: Mordred! I thought we'd lost you. [ARTHUR AND MORDRED CLASP ARMS.] MORDRED: So did I. ARTHUR: How did you escape Morgana? MORDRED: Even she is no match for a Knight of the Round Table. ARTHUR: Seriously, Mordred. [ARTHUR IS INTERRUPTED BY THE SOUND OF FOOTSTEPS AND MERLIN COMES TOWARDS THEM, DISGUISED AS AN OLD WOMAN: THE DOLMA. ARTHUR RECOGNISES HER DRESS AS THE ONE MERLIN BROUGHT.] ARTHUR: Now it makes sense. Merlin said she had trouble getting clothes. THE DOLMA: Who are you? What business have you in this sacred place? ARTHUR: Are you the Dolma, ancient sorceress of the Cauldron of Arianrhod? [THE DOLMA EXTENDS HER HANDS AND INCLINES HER HEAD.] THE DOLMA: Who else would I be? ARTHUR: (to Mordred) Does she look familiar to you? MORDRED: There is something... THE DOLMA: What say you? Why do you mutter? ARTHUR: You look familiar, sorceress. THE DOLMA: (raises a hand to touch her hair and head covering) Oh. Is that so? ARTHUR: It is. MORDRED: My lord, where's Merlin? [ARTHUR LOOKS TO THE DOLMA WITH SUSPICION, PREPARING TO UNSHEATH HIS SWORD.] ARTHUR: What have you done with my servant? THE DOLMA: Oh... The gangly boy. Hmm... [ARTHUR UNSHEATHES HIS SWORD AND MOVES TOWARDS THE DOLMA.] THE DOLMA: If you kill me, you'll never see him again. I am an old woman. Is it not natural I seek some surety? The boy will be returned to you when we have concluded our business. ARTHUR: You know why we're here. THE DOLMA: Nothing is hidden from... the Dolma. Now hurry, before your Queen awakes. Set her by the pool. [ARTHUR SHEATHES HIS SWORD AND CARRIES GUINEVERE TO THE EDGE OF THE POOL.] THE DOLMA: Great King, the magic which has ensnared your Queen is strong indeed. It can be fought. It can be broken, but it may also prevail. Do you understand this? ARTHUR: I do. THE DOLMA: What we attempt will not be easy. If we fail, your Queen will be lost forever. ARTHUR: I understand. THE DOLMA: Very well. When I awake Guinevere from her sleep, she must walk into the Cauldron of Arianrhod of her own will. Only then will the spell be broken. But be warned, all the magic that binds her will fight against it. ARTHUR: How then can we succeed? THE DOLMA: You must reach her, Arthur. Reach that part of your Queen which has remained untouched by the evil of Morgana. ARTHUR: Is there such a part? THE DOLMA: You must believe there is. Prepare. When she wakes, you will have but a few moments. [THE DOLMA KNEELS NEXT TO GUINEVERE, HOLDING A HAND OVER HER.] THE DOLMA: Gielde ic thec thissa meowlessawole, gyden aeblaece. [THE DOLMA'S EYES GLOW GOLD AND SHE RISES, WITH ARTHUR'S HELP. ARTHUR KNEELS NEXT TO GUINEVERE, WHO BEGINS TO STIR. GUINEVERE AWAKENS, STARTLED.] GWEN: Where am I? What have you done to me? ARTHUR: You've been asleep for a long time. GWEN: Get away from me! [GUINEVERE TRIES TO RUN AWAY BUT ARTHUR CATCHES HER BY THE ARM, STOPPING HER. HE HOLDS HER BY BOTH ARMS.] ARTHUR: Guinevere. My Guinevere. GWEN: Your Guinevere? You stupid, foolish man. I was never yours and never will be. THE DOLMA: You must reach her, Arthur. Reach out or all is lost. GWEN: Who's this old crone? ARTHUR: You loved me once. GWEN: You are easily fooled, Arthur. ARTHUR: And still do. GWEN: It was a trick. Nothing more. A subterfuge to pass Camelot to its rightful Queen. ARTHUR: I don't believe that. [GUINEVERE STRUGGLES TO FREE HERSELF FROM ARTHUR'S GRASP BUT HE WILL NOT RELEASE HER.] GWEN: Believe what you like. The fact remains. [ARTHUR BEGINS TO DRAG GUINEVERE TOWARDS THE POOL AS SHE STRUGGLES.] THE DOLMA: No! It must be of her own will! [ARTHUR PULLS GUINEVERE CLOSER TO HIM. THEY ARE FACE TO FACE.] ARTHUR: Look at me. Tell me you don't love me. GWEN: Let me go! THE DOLMA: Arthur! ARTHUR: Do you remember when I asked you to marry me? Do you remember what you said? You said, "With all my heart." That's what you said, Guinevere. That was no subterfuge. No trickery. [GUINEVERE STOPS STRUGGLING AND LOOKS AT ARTHUR.] ARTHUR: With all my heart. [ARTHUR WALKS SLOWLY BACKWARDS, TOWARDS THE LAKE.] ARTHUR: With all my heart. [GUINEVERE'S BREATH HITCHES AS ARTHUR STEPS INTO THE LAKE.] GUINEVERE: (softly) With all my heart... [ARTHUR EXTENDS A HAND TO GUINEVERE AND SHE FOLLOWS HIM TOWARDS THE LAKE.] ARTHUR: Come. [GUINEVERE PLACES HER HAND IN ARTHUR'S AND STEPS INTO THE WATER.] THE DOLMA: Yfel gaest, ga thu fram thisselichaman. Bith hire mod eft freo. Ar ond heofonutungol sceal thurhswithan. [THE DOLMA'S EYES GLOW GOLD AND GUINEVERE IS SURROUNDED BY A WHITE LIGHT. WHEN THE LIGHT DISSIPATES, SHE TURNS TO SMILE AT ARTHUR, EXTENDING HER HAND TO HIM. ARTHUR WADES TOWARDS HER AND EMBRACES HER. THE DOLMA SMILES, EXHALING IN RELIEF. SHE AND MORDRED WATCH ARTHUR AND GUINEVERE HUG.] [NEW SCENE: BY THE CAULDRON OF ARIANRHOD. ARTHUR AND GUINEVERE ARE STANDING ON THE SHORE, WITH ARTHUR'S ARM AROUND GUINEVERE'S SHOULDER.] ARTHUR: (to The Dolma) I owe you a great debt. We both do. If there's ever anything I can do in return... Perhaps a new dress? GUINEVERE: (outraged) Arthur! ARTHUR: She likes clothes. THE DOLMA: (looks down for a moment before answering) There is one thing. ARTHUR: Name it. THE DOLMA: Remember what saved your Queen. Magic and sorcery. ARTHUR: It was also sorcery that bewitched her. THE DOLMA: There is no evil in sorcery, only in the hearts of men. My request is that you remember this. ARTHUR: You have my word. [THE DOLMA GIVES ARTHUR A SMALL SMILE, BOWING HER HEAD SLIGHTLY. MORDRED JOINS THEM. HE, ARTHUR AND GUINEVERE TURN AND BEGIN TO WALK AWAY.] THE DOLMA: Aren't you forgetting something? [ARTHUR TURNS, LOOKING PUZZLED. HE CHECKS TO MAKE SURE THAT HE HAS HIS SWORD. THE DOLMA SIGHS IN EXASPERATION, HER HANDS ON HER HIPS.] ARTHUR: I don't think so. THE DOLMA: (irritated) The boy. [AFTER A MOMENT, ARTHUR REALISES WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT.] ARTHUR: Ah... Ah. Of course. I thought everything had gone unusually smoothly. THE DOLMA: That boy was your surety, great King! Without him, your Queen would still be lost. ARTHUR: (wrinkles his nose in disbelief) I'm not sure that's quite true. THE DOLMA: And I say it is! [ARTHUR RAISES A SCEPTICAL EYEBROW. THE DOLMA TAKES A FEW STEPS TOWARDS HIM, LOOKING ANNOYED.] THE DOLMA: You owe him a greater debt than you can possibly know. [ARTHUR NODS SLIGHTLY BUT DOESN'T LOOK CONVINCED. THE DOLMA MOVES VERY CLOSE TO HIM, UNTIL THEY'RE STANDING FACE TO FACE.] ARTHUR: Right. Erm... I'm sorry. I'll give him the afternoon off. [THE DOLMA SIGHS, IRRITATED.] THE DOLMA: One day, great King, you will recognise the true worth of those that surround you. [ARTHUR LOOKS SCEPTICAL BUT SAYS NOTHING.] THE DOLMA: (gestures for him to leave) Go. [ARTHUR NODS AND TURNS, BEGINNING TO WALK AWAY WITH GUINEVERE AND MORDRED. THE DOLMA BEGINS TO HASTEN AWAY BUT, WHEN ARTHUR TURNS TO LOOK BACK, SHE STOPS AND WAVES TO THEM. ARTHUR RETURNS THE WAVE AND TURNS, CONTINUING TO WALK. THE DOLMA RUNS, CONCEALING HERSELF BEHIND ROCKS.] [NEW SCENE: ARTHUR, GUINEVERE, MORDRED AND MERLIN ARE RIDING THROUGH THE FOREST. CAMELOT CAN BE SEEN AHEAD OF THEM. GUINEVERE RIDES BEHIND ARTHUR ON HIS HORSE. MORDRED AND MERLIN RIDE A FEW PACES BEHIND THEM.] MORDRED: (to Merlin) Arthur's a lucky man. MERLIN: Yes. MORDRED: Not just to have Gwen. To have you. MERLIN: He'd find someone else to do his chores soon enough. MORDRED: It was hardly a chore. That was your magic back there, wasn't it? [MERLIN DOESN'T REPLY.] MORDRED: Have no fear. I will not divulge your secret. I admire you. It can't be easy to do so much for so little reward. MERLIN: I do not seek reward. MORDRED: Recognition, then. MERLIN: My friends are safe and well, that's all I require. MORDRED: You see, Merlin, we do have something in common, after all. The future of Camelot. [MERLIN DOES NOT RESPOND. THEY CONTINUE TO RIDE BACK TO CAMELOT IN SILENCE.]

Merlin reveals Guinevere's betrayal to Arthur. Merlin resolves to bring the old Gwen back and Gaius suggests that he travel to the Dochraid. Under threat, the Dochraid explains that Gwen must enter a magic lake willingly to be cleansed by the White Goddess. Arthur, Merlin and Mordred take the unconscious Gwen to the lake where Merlin takes on the guise of Dolma, a female sorceress, to perform the ceremony. Arthur must use Gwen's love for him to convince her to enter the lake. Merlin, still in disguise, asks Arthur not to forget that magic saved his Queen. Mordred confronts Merlin on the way back knowing that the magic that saved Gwen was his.

fd_FRIENDS_04x21

fd_FRIENDS_04x21_0

With Help from: Darcy Partridge [Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are sitting and talking.] Chandler: Y'know what? It seems like all of the sudden; so much has happened. Joey: I know. Ross is getting married. Chandler: Phoebe is, making people. Joey: Everybody's doing stuff! Chandler: And we just sit here. I mean if I die the only way people would even know I was here, would be by the ass print on this chair! Look, we have to do something. Okay? Something huge! Joey: (snaps his fingers) We could climb Mt. Everest! Chandler: No-no, not something stupid, something huge. Joey: No-no-no-no-no, I saw an ad for this video, people climb that thing everyday! We could totally do that! Chandler: Why not?! I mean it's just, it's just climbing! It's just, it's just steep! Joey: Yeah! Chandler: We're going to Everest! Okay, it would be nice to leave an ass print on Everest! Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Joey: Hey! Phoebe: What-what's up? Joey: We're gonna climb Mt. Everest! Chandler: Yeah baby! Phoebe: Really?! I looked into that. Yeah, but, I mean it costs like $60,000 and y'know you can die. And, you would die! Chandler: (dejected) Yeah, well... Joey: We could get that Everest video though. Chandler: Yeah, we could do that without y'know risking our lives at all! Joey: And while we're down at the video store, you know what else we could rent? Die Hard! (Chandler's excited.) Oh, y'know what? I just remembered, that Everest thing is only available through mail order. Chandler: (dejected) Oh, well... Phoebe: So you guys'll stay here and hang out with me? Chandler: Yeeeeahhhh. Joey: Yeah. Yeah. Chandler: But I'll tell you something. One of these days we're get off of our buts and rent Die Hard again! Joey: Yeah we are! OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Ross's apartment, he and Emily are addressing their invitations.] Emily: So what did he decide? Does your Uncle Nathan get an invite or not? Ross: Ohh, God, nobody likes him, and he's so cheap, he'd never fly to London in a million years. Yeah, invite him? Hey, did I do these neat enough? (Hands her some envelopes.) Emily: Yeah, they're fine. Ross: Yeah? Emily: If anyone asks, we'll just say Ben addressed them. (Looking through the envelopes.) Oh! So you invited Rachel then? Ross: Sure. Why not? Emily: Really? Ross: Yeah? Emily: I don't think I'd be comfortable with any of my old lovers there. Ross: Wait-wait-wait, do you, do you think, maybe we shouldn't invite her? Emily: Oh, no-no, y'know I absolutely adore Rachel it's just that, well it might be a awkward for you. But it's absolutely your decision. (Gets up.) More tea? Ross: Yeah sure. Emily: Earl Grey? Ross: Huh? Yeah, fine, invite whoever you want. [And with that we start off on a series of clips from the entire history of Ross and Rachel, from Ross's point of view. The first clip is from The Pilot.] [Scene: Central Perk, Ross is complaining about Carol.] Ross: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married again! (ENTER RACHEL IN A WET WEDDING DRESS. SHE STARTS TO SEARCH AROUND THE ROOM) Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (EXTENDS HIS HAND HOPEFULLY) Monica: Rachel?! Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are! [cut to later] Monica: Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (TO RACHEL) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross? Rachel: Hi, sure! Ross: Hi. (THEY GO TO HUG BUT ROSS' UMBRELLA OPENS. HE SITS, DEFEATED AGAIN) [cut to later] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are finishing up some cookies.] Ross: You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you. Rachel: I knew. Ross: You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother. Rachel: I did. Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe? Rachel: Yeah, maybe... Ross: Okay... okay, maybe I will... [The next clip is from The One With The Blackout.] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are talking about passion.] Ross: See, I see.... big passion in your future. Rachel: Really? Ross: I do. Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great. [she playfully rubs his head and gets up] [Ross gets up, pleased with himself and starts to walk past Joey.] Joey: It's never gonna happen. [cut to later] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's balcony, Ross is about to be attacked by Paulo's cat.] Ross: Hey, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so much a question as.. more of a general wondering... ment. Rachel: OK. Ross: OK. Umm, for a while now, I've been wanting to, um.... Rachel: Ohhh!!!! [looking at something behind Ross] Ross: Yes, yes, that's right... Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! [a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross] Look at it! Ross: What? [the cat jumps on his shoulders] Ow! [Scene: Inside. Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross' shoulder.] Monica, Joey, and Phoebe: [singing] I'm on top of the world, looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find... [The next clip is from The One With The East German Laundry Detergent.] [Scene: The Laundromat, Rachel is fighting with that old, annoying woman for a cart.] Rachel: All right, listen, missy. If you want this cart, you're gonna have to take me with it! [She thinks it over, and then walks away.] Rachel: [to Ross] Yes! Did you see that? Ross: You were incredible! Brand new woman, ladies and gentlemen. Rachel: I could not have done this without you. [Rachel stands up and kisses Ross. He is stunned. A moment of silence follows.] Ross: Ok, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? [Ross turns and bangs his head on an open dryer door.] I'm fine, I'm fine. [The next clip is from The One Where Ross Finds Out] [Scene: Central Perk, I'm sure you've guessed, it's the famous fight scene between Ross and Rachel.] Ross: You had no right to tell me you ever had feelings for me. Rachel: [hurt] What? Ross: I was doing great with Julie before I found out about you. Rachel: Hey, I was doin' great before I found out about you. You think it's easy for me to see you with Julie? [cut to later] Ross: The point is I... I don't need this right now, OK. It, it's too late, I'm with somebody else, I'm happy. This ship has sailed. [cut to later] Rachel: Alright, fine, you go ahead and you do that, alright Ross. Ross: Fine. Rachel: 'Cause I don't need your stupid ship. Ross: Good. Rachel: Good. [Ross leaves] [cut to later] [Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him.] [cut to later] [She opens the door and they kiss.] [The next clip is the second famous fight in The One Where Ross and Rachel Take A Break.] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are arguing.] Rachel: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life I'm doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life I'm doing something that I'm actually good at. I mean. if you don't get that... Ross: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And I'm happy for ya, but I'm tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I don't know what to do anymore. Rachel: Well neither do I! Ross: Is this about Mark? Rachel: (shocked) Oh my God. Ross: Okay, it's not, it's not. Rachel: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Ross, no, you're, you're, you're making this too hard. Ross: Oh I'm, I'm making this too hard. Okay, what do you want me to do. Rachel: I don't know, I don't know. Urrrgh! Look, maybe we should take a break. Ross: Okay, okay, fine, you're right. Let's ah, let's take a break, (goes to the door) let's cool off, okay, let's get some frozen yogart, or something.. (opens the door) Rachel: No. (Ross is standing in the doorway.) A break from us. (Ross looks at her, then leaves slamming the door behind him.) [The next clip is from The One The Morning After] [Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is hurrying Chloe out the door.] Chloe: Do I know why we're rushing? Ross: Yeah, y'know the ah, the girlfriend I told you about last night? (He's frantically throwing the cushions off of the couch looking for her other shoe) Well it turns out she ah, she wants to get back together with me. Oh, I found it!! Chloe: That's so great for you guys! Ross: Yeah! [cut to later] Chloe: Good luck, with your girlfriend. Ross: Oh, thank you. (She goes to kiss him, but he holds her coat up between their faces to stop her.) Hey, hey. (opens the door, sees Rachel, and hides Chloe behind the door) Rachel!!!! Rachel: Hi. Ohhh, you got my message. Ross: Yeah, oh hey, you are right on time. Rachel: So what do you say? Can I be your girlfriend again? Ross: Yes, you can, very much. (Chloe gives Ross the thumbs up while still standing behind the door.) Ross: (seeing the thumbs up) Ahhhh!! (Hugs Rachel tighter.) [cut to later] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel has just found out about Chloe and is screaming at Ross. The rest of the gang is trapped in Monica's bedroom.] Rachel: (opening the door) Y'know what, I want you to leave! Get outta here! Ross: No!! Rachel: Just get out! Now!! Ross: No!! No!! I wanna stay. I wanna talk about this. Rachel: Okay! All right! How was she? [Cut to Monica's bedroom] Chandler: Uh-oh. [Cut to Living Room] Ross: What? Rachel: Was she good? [Cut to Monica's bedroom] Joey: Don't answer that. [Cut to Living Room] Rachel: Come on Ross! You said you wanted to talk about it, let's talk about it!! How was she? Ross: She was... [Cut to Monica's bedroom] Joey: Awful! Horrible! Chandler: She was not good. Not good. Joey: She was nothing compared to you. [Cut to Living Room] Ross: She, she was different. [Cut to Monica's bedroom] Joey: Ewwwww! Chandler: Uh-oh. [Cut to Living Room] Rachel: Good different? Ross: Nobody likes change. (Rachel picks up a newspaper and starts beating him with it.) Ross: What? Okay, okay, okay, okay. [The next clip is from The One With The Jellyfish.] [Scene: Rachel's bedroom, Rachel, entering selfish mode, is thanking Ross for wrongly taking the entire blame of the breakup; as if she had absolutely nothing to do with it.] Rachel: ...the way you owned up to everything, it just showed me how much you've grown. Y'know? I mean my Mom never thought this would work out. It was all, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." Ooh, I just wish we hadn't lost those four months, but if time was what you needed just to gain a little perspective... Ross: WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!!! [Cut back to the present.] [Scene: A mailbox, Ross is mailing the invitations. He throws a bunch into the mailbox, but pauses with Rachel's. And it starts another round of clips.] [The One With The Fake Party] [Scene: The hallway, Rachel is convincing Ross that Emily is good for him.] Rachel: You seem to really like her. Ross: Yeah, I really do. Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed that it was gonna be a two-week thing, y'know no commitment. Rachel: Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends, asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monica's photo albums, I mean you don't do that if you're just in it for two weeks. Ross: You think? Rachel: Yeah, you got like 14 hours until she has to be at the airport, and you're sitting here in the hallway with a 28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip. Ross: Hey, you're right. Rachel: Yeah. [Cut back to the present, Ross is still looking at Rachel's invitation. Finally, he makes up his mind and mails it.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are opening their invitations.] Monica: Ohh, this is soo amazing! I can't believe my brother's getting married! And in London! It's so romantic! Joey: (taking apart the invitation) Hey, pretty smart! Tissue paper! You're at the wedding, you have to cry, "Handkerchief?" "No-no, I got my invitation." Phoebe: Oooh look! Isn't this adorable, Ross let Ben address mine! Chandler: (entering) Hello! Joey: Hey! Monica: Hey! Phoebe: Hey! Hey, did you get your invitation to Ross's wedding? Chandler: (sarcastic) Noo. Joey: Don't worry man, I get to bring a guest. We'll show him. Phoebe: I'm so jealous you're all going! I can't believe I never knew that you can't fly in your third trimester! Chandler: I didn't know that. Monica: I never knew that either. Joey: I knew that! (They all look at him) I sooo didn't know that, but you should see your faces. Rachel: (entering) Hey guys! What's up? Joey: Heyyy. (They all try and hide their invitations.) Monica: We're hanging out. (Rachel starts going through her mail, and come across her invitation.) Rachel: What's this? Is this Ross's wedding invitation? Chandler: See, maybe that's the one we should've actually hidden. Rachel: Oh, no! No you guys! Come on, you don't have to do that! I'm happy for him! I am! I really-I'm-I'm happ-I'll work on it. Monica: I'm sorry honey. Rachel: Yeah. Monica: Rach, you're gonna come though aren't you? Rachel: Oh, honey, I don't know. I... Chandler: This isn't one of those uh, y'know "If she doesn't come, we-we don't, we don't come?" Right? Because I already bought my ticket... Monica: You know what would be real weird? Is if you weren't there. Just say you'll think about it, okay? Rachel: No, I'll think about it. Yeah. [And with that, we go into another set of clips, this time from Rachel's point of view.] [The first clip is from The One Where Rachel Finds Out.] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, it's Rachel birthday party and Chandler is about to spill the beans.] Rachel: Who's this from? Chandler: Oh, that's Ross's. Rachel: Oh... [opens it]... [sees it is a pin] Oh my God. He remembered. Phoebe: Remembered what? Rachel: It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him that it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered! Phoebe: Oh, it's so pretty. This must have cost him a fortune. Monica: I can't believe he did this. Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck? [Everyone looks at him. He realizes he just spilled the beans about Ross's crush on Rachel.] Rachel: What did you just say? Chandler: [stuttering incoherently] F-hah.... flennin.... Rachel: Oh.... my God. [The next clip is from The One With Ross's New Girlfriend.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The airport, Ross is about to walk off of the plane with Julie.] Rachel: (seeing Ross come off the plane with another woman.) Oh my God. [cut to later] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is introducing Julie to the gang.] Julie: Well, Ross and I were in grad school together. Ross: But we haven't seen each other since then. Well I land in China, guess who's in charge of the dig. Rachel: Julie! Julie, isn't that great? I mean, isn't that just kick- you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic? [cut to later] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is trying to hang up on Julie.] Ross: Oh, that is so sweet.(listens) No, no, ok, you hang up. Ok, ok, one, two, three.(He doesn't hang up and motions for Rachel to be quiet.) Well you didn't hang up either. Rachel: She didn't hang up either... Ross: Ok, no, no, you hang up. You, you, y-- (Rachel grabs the phone and hangs it up for him.) [The next clip is from The One Where Ross Finds Out.] [Scene, A Restaurant, Rachel is on her date, drunk, and is leaving that answering machine message.] Rachel: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat...(cut)...I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket] [cut to later] [Scene, Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross is checking his messages.] Ross: Rach, I got a message from you. [Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.] Rachel: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . . [jumps the couch and lands on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross has a confused expression on his face.] Ross: You're over me? Rachel: Ohhhhhhhh God. [climbs off his back] Ross: Wha... you're uh, you're, you're over me? Rachel: Ohh, ohh. Ross: When, when were you... under me? Rachel: Well, basically, lately, I've uh, I've uh, sort of had feelings for you. [cut to later in the same scene] Ross: OK, I need to lie down. [The next clip is from The One With The List.] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross has just broken up with Julie and is about to get with Rachel.] Joey: He broke up with Julie. Well, go hug her, for god's sakes. Rachel: Really? Ross: Really. It's always been you, Rach. Rachel: Oh, god. [Ross and Rachel hug.] Chandler and Joey: Ohhh. [The next clip is from The One Where Ross and Rachel.... You Know.] [Scene: The Auditorium, Ross and Rachel are about to... you know.] Ross: I've no idea, could be. Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight. Rachel: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight. [They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.] Rachel: Ah, oh God. Oh, honey, oh that's OK. Ross: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box. [The next clip is from The One The Morning After.] [Scene: Central Perk, Ross is trying to prevent Gunther from spilling the beans.] Ross: Gunther! Gunther. Gunther, please tell me you didn't say anything to Rachel about me and the girl from the Xerox place. Gunther: I'm sorry. Was I not supposed to? (Ross turns around and sees Rachel sitting by the window. She is just glaring at him.) [The next clip is from The One At The Beach.] [Scene: The beachhouse, Ross and Rachel are argueing about the breakup.] Ross: Y'know, hey! You're the one who ended it, remember? Rachel: Yeah, because I was mad at you, not because I stopped loving you! Ross: You still love me? Rachel: Noo. [cut to later] Ross: What does this mean? What do you, I mean do you wanna, get back together? Rachel: Noo! Maybe! I, I don't know. Ross: What?! Rachel: I just, I feel, I-I just... (Ross leans in and kisses her. They both look at each other for a moment, and then embrace in a more passionate kiss.) [The next clip is from The One With The Jellyfish.] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are finally breaking up for good, or is it?] Rachel: Y'know I can't believe I even thought about getting back together again! We are so over!! Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it) [cut to later] Rachel: And hey! Just so you know, it's not that common! It doesn't happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!! Chandler: I KNEW IT!!!! [cut back to the present.] [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is deciding on whether or not to go to the wedding.] [cut to another clip, this one is from The One With The Prom Video] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is watching the Prom Video and Rachel is about to make her entrance on the video. The italics are portions of the prom video.] MRS. GELLER: Rachel's coming up the path. Doesn't she look pretty. Jack... [Rachel enters with a huge nose] Rachel: Oh my God. Monica: You know what this is, this is us getting ready for the prom. Rachel: Oh. Ross: You know what, you guys, we don't have to watch this. All: Oh yeah we do. C'mon. MRS. GELLER: Get a shot of Monica. Where's Monica. MR, GELLER: Wait, how do you zoom out? [zooms out and we see an extremely overweight Monica eating a big sandwich] There she is. Monica: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds. Chandler: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you? [cut to later] MONICA: Oh, dad, turn it off. MR. GELLER: It is off. Right Ross? [pans over to see Ross with an afro and moustache] Joey: Lookin' good Mr. Cotter. [cut to later] RACHEL: I can't go to my own prom without a date, I can't, it's too late. MONICA: If you're not going then I don't want to go either. MRS. GELLER: [to Ross on the stairs] I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom. [cut to later] Ross: Y'know what? I think we've seen enough, let's turn it off. All: No, no, no. Ross: OK, fine, well I'm not gonna watch, alright. MR. GELLER: C'mon kid, let's go. MRS. GELLER: Ahh, are you hadsome. MR. GELLER: Let's show 'em. ROSS: [walks down the stairs and grabs the flowers out of the vase on the endtable] OK dad. MR. GELLER: [going downstairs] Rachel, ready or not, here comes your knight in shining... no. [Chip has shown up and the four are leaving] RACHEL, MONICA, ROY, and CHIP: Bye. MRS. GELLER: Oh, dear. Jack, how do I turn this off? Monica: I can't believe you did that. Ross: Yeah, well. [Rachel, seeing what he did for her, gets up, walks across the room, and kisses Ross] Phoebe: See, he's her lobster. [Cut back to the present, Rachel has made her decision.] Monica: (seeing the decision) Nooooo. You're really not going? Rachel: Yeah. It's just gonna be too hard. Y'know? I mean, it's Ross. How can I watch him get married? Y'know it's just, it's for the best, y'know it is, it's... Y'know, plus, somebody's got to stay here with Phoebe! Y'know she's gonna be pretty big by then, and she needs someone to help her tie her shoes; drive her to the hospital in case she goes into labour. Monica: You don't have a car. And your license expired. Rachel: I know. (Starts to cry) Yeah, see, there's so much to do and I have so little time to do it in. CLOSING CREDITS [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are reading a book about things to do whilst in London.] Chandler: All right, check it out. Check this out. It says here that there's a place you can go to rent videos of all the museums! (Reading from the book.) "It's almost as good as being there." Joey: It's better! You can't go to a museum in your underwear! Chandler: Well, You could, but... probably just the one time. Joey: I bet we could get videos of all the sites, get a VCR in our hotel room... we'd never even have to go outside! Chandler: If we do that, we gotta get Die Hard. Joey: Oh-ho! I bet the British version is gooooood!

A clip show where pregnant Phoebe is frustrated at being unable to attend Ross' London wedding. Ross surprises Emily by inviting Rachel, causing him to reminisce about their time together. Rachel believes it will be too heart-breaking to attend and decides not to go. This episode includes much footage of Ross and Rachel's relationship throughout the show.

fd_The_100_01x07

fd_The_100_01x07_0

Clarke (V.O.): I was born in space. I've never felt the sun on my face or breathed real air or floated in the water. None of us have. For three generations, the Ark has kept what's left of the human race alive, but now our home is dying, and we are the last hope of mankind, A hundred prisoners sent on a desperate mission to the ground. Each of us is here because we broke the law. On the ground, there is no law. All we have to do is survive, but we will be tested by the Earth, by the secrets it hides, and most of all by each other. [SCENE_BREAK] Bellamy (V.O.): Previously on The 100 [SCENE_BREAK] [ Flashbacks ] ( Camera flashes between the scene where CLARKE and FINN are sleeping together and RAVEN as she confronts CLARKE. ) Raven: Tell me Finn didn't make this for you. Tell me you weren't screwing my boyfriend! Clarke: I can't tell you that. ( Camera pans to CLARKE speaking to the 100 ) Clarke: Life support on the Ark is failing. ( Now we see ABBY making an announcement to the Ark's citizens ) Abby: In twelve hours, three hundred and twenty people will be sacrificed to boost our oxygen supply. ( Officer KANE explaining the process of killing the citizens of the Ark ) Kane: It'll appear to be a malfunction of the Fire Containment System. ( Chancellor JAHA watching the 320 citizens die. ) Jaha: And we hereby commit these souls to the deep. ( We flash back to Earth, and see OCTAVIA BLAKE being grabbed by LINCOLN as she watches ROMA be impaled, then see her being carried by LINCOLN. ) Octavia: Thank you, you saved my life. ( Later in that scene with OCTAVIA in LINCOLN's cave as he attaches her to the wall ) Octavia: 'The hell are you doing? ( She knocks out LINCOLN and we see BELLAMY BLAKE rejoice upon finding her. We see LINCOLN's eyes open and he stabs FINN COLLINS with his knife. Time passes and it is now either early morning or late night and BELLAMY enters camp, carrying FINN's limp body. ) Clarke: Finn? Ohmygod. ( Screen is black and we return to current time, The sky is very dark gray and rain is heavily pouring. We see other delinquents holding up some sort of tarp and screaming commands ) Male delinquent: Hold it back! ( More muffled shouting is heard as the camera pans to CLARKE, standing at the edge of camp, looking into the storm. We hear RAVEN's voice in the background ) Raven: This is Raven Reyes. Calling Ark Station. ( Voice becomes desperate ) Come in Ark Station. This is Raven Reyes. Calling Ark Station. Please come in. ( under her breath ) please, please. ( into radio ) Can anybody hear me? Female delinquent: Are you sure you have the right frequency? Raven: ( Forcefully ) Yeah, I'm sure. Clarke: Raven? ( pauses ) You can do this. Okay? ( RAVEN's voice continues to try and contact the station while camera follows CLARKE as she walks towards FINN and grimaces as she tends to his wound. FINN is lying on a makeshift bed, and appears very pale. ) Raven: Calling Ark Station. Ark station. Please come in. I'm on the ground with the hundred. ( says quietly ) we need you. ( Camera switches to the outside view of the Ark in space, then up to ABBY who seems to be standing up in some sort of court. ) Kane: Thefts of medical supplies. Illegal salvaging. Unauthorised ship launch. Pirating the Ark's comm systems. Each of these crimes is punishable by death, but that will not be your fate today. ( We see ABBY's relieved face and hear radio static. ) Man's voice: What was that? Kane: Never mind. It was argued, convincingly, that your medical expertise is still required. Abby: ( Towards JAHA ) Thank you. Jaha: It wasn't me. ( ABBY looks around, surprised. ) Jaha: The council's vote was nearly unanimous. Apparently Jake's message woke their inner angels as well. ( ABBY motions to sit down. ) Jaha: Not so fast. Abby: We need to talk about those flares. Jaha: No, we don't. Abby: You saw them too. We can't just ignore what we all know it means. Kane: We don't know what it means. Abby: It means, that there is somebody alive on Earth. It means that our children might still be alive. Kane: More false hope. ( Radio noises continue, making several council members look up. ) Kane: Abby. those flashes could have been anything. Lightning, radiation in the atmosphere. Jaha: And in any case, whatever they were, that's a matter for the council to decide. And you are no longer on the council. ( ABBY looks up, surprised, as JAHA gets up and walks towards ABBY. ) Jaha: Abby, your life has been spared. But you've been stripped of your seat at this table, effective immediately. Your pin. ( JAHA holds out his hand and ABBY takes off her council pin, remaining eye contact with JAHA the entire time. Radio noise comes back stronger. ) Male voice: There it is again. ( The camera pans to several of the council members then we see ABBY, looking surprised. ) Raven (on radio): Calling..Ark.. Stat- Could- The Ark Station. Abby: Raven. She's still alive. Raven(On radio)Are you there? Please come in. ( ABBY runs out of the room and JAHA and KANE follow. We see a speaker and realize that RAVEN's message is being transmitted to the entire Ark. ) Raven (on radio): Please... Calling Ark Station.. The hundred are alive. ( Camera flashes back to Earth and shows the delinquents huddled around RAVEN as she tries to contact the Ark. ) Male voice (on radio): This is a restricted station. Who is this? Please identify yourself. Raven (on radio): This is Raven Reyes. I- I'm from Mecha Station. I'm transmitting from the ground. The hundred are alive. Please, you need to get Doctor Abby Griffin. Doctor Abby Griffin. Now. ( Back to Ark, where we see a man talking into a mic. ) Unnamed male (on radio): Hang on Raven, we're trying to boost your signal. ( speaking to people next to him ) Get her off the Ark-wide channel. This room only. Copy? ( Voices heard in background until camera switches to ABBY. ) Abby: Can she hear me? ( JAHA and KANE enter ) Jaha: Have you confirmed the signal's location? Same Unnamed male: Yes sir, it's coming from Earth. ( Camera switches between JAHA and KANE's amazed faces. ) Abby (on radio): Raven? Are you there? ( Radio static heard ) Clarke (on radio): Mom? Mom it's me. Abby (on radio): .. Clarke? Title card is played. ( As radio conversation goes on. Camera switches between Earth and the Ark, depending on the speaker ) Clarke (on radio): Mom, I need your help. One of our people was stabbed by a Grounder. ( JAHA leans towards mic in the Ark ) Jaha (on radio): Clarke. This is the Chancellor. Are you saying there are survivors on the ground? Clarke (on radio): Yes, the Earth is survivable. We're not alone. ( Camera goes from JAHA to KANE to ABBY's stunned faces. ) Clarke (on radio): Mom, he's dying. The knife is still in his chest. Abby: Okay, can you patch me through to medical? Unnamed man: Course. ( Pause as buttons are clicked on a computer. ) Jaha (on radio): Clarke. Is my son with you? ( CLARKE looks up sadly and pauses, before speaking into the radio. ) Clarke (on radio): I'm so sorry. Wells is- Wells is dead. ( On the Ark we see JAHA's pained face. ABBY puts her hand on his shoulder and JAHA steps away and moves towards the door. ) Jaha: ( To ABBY ) Well, Clarke needs you. ( To other man ) Patch her in to me when they're finished. ( JAHA walks away and KANE and ABBY both look solemn. ) Abby (on radio): I'm going to talk you through it, step by step. ( Shelter begins to creak and wind is heard. ) Abby (on radio): Clarke.. just.. find-[unintelligible speech.] Clarke: What! Raven what's wrong. Raven:[Panicked] It's not the radio, it's the storm. ( Camera goes back to Ark ) Unnamed man: Doctor Griffin, you should look at this. ( Camera pans to computer screen showing a huge hurricane over the US, especially in Virginia, where the 100 are settled ) Unnamed man: It's a hurricane right on top of them. Abby (on radio): Clarke, we need to hurry. ( ABBY looks up and runs out of the room. The camera goes back to the dropship and we see the storm is continuing. OCTAVIA walks inside, carrying two canisters. CLARKE takes one and turns towards OCTAVIA. ) Clarke: ( Under breath ) Great. ( she smells one of the canisters ) Clarke: Ugh. Monty's moonshine? Octavia: Pretty sure no germ could survive it. ( Storm grows and gets louder outside. Both CLARKE and OCTAVIA look towards the door. ) Clarke: Storm's getting worse. Monroe, close the doors. Monroe: But we still have people out there. Octavia: Monty and Jasper still aren't back yet. Neither is Bellamy. Clarke: It's okay, they'll find somewhere to ride it out. ( RAVEN makes noise to get CLARKE's attention then holds out a needle. ) Raven: One stitching needle. Clarke: Great, I still need something to close the wound. Octavia: There's so wire on the second level. I used it for the tents. Clarke: Let's see it. Raven: Stay away from the blue wires that run through the ceiling. I rigged it to the solar cells in the roof. ( Loudly ) That means they're hot! You got that? Octavia: Yeah, I got that. ( OCTAVIA walks upstairs and RAVEN and CLARKE turn to face each other. ) Raven: Tell me you can do this. ( CLARKE looks at RAVEN, not answering. Camera pans to entrance of the pod. ) Female voice: Hey! They're back! ( BELLAMY walks in as OCTAVIA lowers herself on the ladder from the second level. ) Octavia: Bellamy! ( Camera zooms out and we see BELLAMY in front of his group, with two boys in back dragging LINCOLN's unconscious body. LINCOLN is dropped on the ground and OCTAVIA walks up ) Octavia: 'The hell are you doing? Bellamy: It's time to get some answers. Octavia: Oh you mean 'revenge? Bellamy: I mean 'intel'. ( To boys who carried LINCOLN ) Get him upstairs. ( CLARKE walks up to BELLAMY. ) Clarke: Bellamy, she's right. ( BELLAMY looks at her, angry. Radio noises are heard in background. ) Abby (on radio): Clarke, okay we're ready. Can you hear me? ( BELLAMY looks up, surprised at the Radio noises. CLARKE looks away too, with a bothered expression. ) Clarke: ( To BELLAMY ) Look, this is not who we are. Abby (on radio): Clarke? ( Camera pans to CLARKE, BELLAMY and OCTAVIA's faces. ) Bellamy: It is now. ( BELLAMY walks away, leaving CLARKE's worried face. ) SCREEN IS BLACK Clarke (on radio): The blade is at a sharp upward angle. Between his sixth and seventh rib. ( the camera switches between ABBY and JACKSON in the medical room on the Ark and CLARKE by FINN's body on Earth, depending on the speaker. ) Abby (on radio): Okay, how deep? Clarke (on radio): Well I can't tell how deep it goes. ( ABBY and JACKSON share a worried look. ) Abby (on radio): That's alright, just don't remove the knife yet. ( On Earth, RAVEN is pacing by FINN. CLARKE hands her a canister. ) Clarke: Hey, here, sterilize your hands. ( RAVEN takes the moonshine and drinks a large sip, before pouring some on her hands. ) Abby (on radio): Clarke, do you see any fluid? ( Voices are heard in background on Earth. ) Clarke (on radio): Wha- ( Voices are louder and CLARKE turns towards the people in the room. ) Clarke: Damn it! ( To RAVEN ) Clear the room. ( RAVEN nods in comprehension, then walks towards the delinquents ) Raven: Everyone! Upstairs! Now! Let's go! ( Camera switches and we see ABBY and JACKSON looking at each other, while they hear RAVEN's voice on the radio. ) Clarke (on radio): He feels a little warm. ( RAVEN turns around and rushes towards FINN. ) Abby (on radio): That's alright, fever sometimes accompanies a trauma. Clarke, I need you to tell me if there is any fluid leaking from the wound. Clarke (on radio): Ah.. ( Clarke examines wounds ) Clarke (on radio): No. Abby (on radio): ( Under breath ) Pleural membrane's intact. ( To CLARKE ) That's good. That's actually really good. You got lucky. ( RAVEN smiles and looks at FINN, sounding out of breath ) Raven: Hear that? You're lucky. ( CLARKE looks visibly uncomfortable ) Man: Whoa! He's awake. Bellamy: Tie him tighter. The last thing we need is this b*st*rd getting free because you screwed up. Man: Octavia, get out of here. I told you he was protecting me. You didn't have to do this. This isn't about you. I'm doing this for all of us. You did that for all of us? I did that for Finn and Jasper and Diggs and John and Roma. It wasn't even him. You don't know that! We need to know what we're up against. How many there are and why they're killing us. And he's gonna tell us right now. No, Bellamy, please. Miller, get her out of here. I was there! I-- Hey, get get off of me! I don't even think he speaks English. He won't understand you. Oh, I think he will. ( Banging ) ( Beep ) Hello, Mr. Chancellor. I just need a moment. If you're here to talk about Abby's council seat, now is not a good time. Trust me, you need to hear this. I remember these quarters being bigger when I was chancellor. What do you want, Diana? We need to talk. My people are angry and confused. Your people? Yes. The workers. They're coming to me with dangerous questions, Thelonious. Many of them lost loved ones in the culling. The belief that your administration let people die when there was another way has taken root. I don't suppose you're trying to convince them otherwise. If you don't get in front of these rumors, things are gonna get ugly fast. ( Sigh ) That's what I would do in your position. You're not in my position, Diana. My people voted you out. You've activated project exodus? Congratulations. You will forever be remembered as the man who brought us back to the ground. You know I can't talk to you about that, Diana. It's true. We've had our differences. But I'm here as an ally. The decisions that you now must make implementing project exodus are unimaginably difficult. The Ark needs unity now more than ever. I hope that you can trust me enough to let me help you with that. I think we have a problem. Look. If she's just a hair off, she could lacerate the aorta when she extracts. Ok, Clarke, firm grip on the knife. You're gonna need to angle it upward and to the left very slightly to the left as it exits the rib cage. How very slightly? Any less, too. Wait, what was that? You dropped out. Clarke, 3 millimeters. Got it? Yeah. Ok, I got it. Here goes. Abby: Steady hand, Clarke. You've assisted me on trickier procedures than this. And once that knife is out, the hard part is over. ( Rumbling ) All right. Extracting now. Woman: He's waking up! Uhh! Hold him still. Finn, I'm gonna get that knife out of you, ok? Good plan. Finn, you can't move. You got it? Uhh. Ok. Here it goes. Abby: Nice and slow, Clarke. Clarke: Finn, do not move. Almost got it. Hold still. ( Groaning ) ( Bang ) Man: No! Woman: Aah! Clarke. Woman: Aah! Second woman: All right? Abby: Clarke. Clarke? What's happening? Clarke, can you hear us? Abby: Clarke? It's out. She did it. What the hell was that? We under attack or not? Storm damage. We're ok. We're gonna try this one more time. What's your name? Where's your camp? How many of you are there? Miller: Hey. Check it out. What is all this stuff? Hell knows with these people. ( Clattering ) Think we found something he doesn't want us to see, Miller. These aren't bad. It's our camp. I'm guessing if I counted all those marks, it would add up to 102. That's how many people we've lost. They've been watching us ever since we got here. Ok. I'm done. Good. Do you have anything to cover the wound? We'll make do, like always. Should he be this pale? Warm, too. Abby: He's lost a lot of blood, Raven, but if your boyfriend's anywhere near as tough as you, I'm sure he'll be fine. Wait, mom, she's right. He's feverish, and his breathing's uneven. Abby: You need to give him some time to recover. Let me know if he gets any worse, but I think I think he might just be out of the woods. Well, down here, there's nothing but woods. I need a break. Clarke? Clarke, wait. Raven could you give us a few minutes? Sure. [SCENE_BREAK] No. No. Stay with Finn. Drew: What the hell is that thing? Bellamy: Friend of yours? Get the hell out of my way. It's ok. Let her through. Well, if he didn't hate us before, he does now. Who cares? How's Finn? Alive. His people will care. How long until they figure out where he is? And what happens when they do? I mean, when they come looking for him? They will, Bellamy. Relax, princess. No one saw us take him. He was chained up in that cave the entire time, and thanks to the storm, we didn't see a soul on the way back. ( Thud ) Ok. In case you missed it, his people are already killing us. How many more of our people need to die until you realize we're fighting a war? We're not soldiers, Bellamy. Look at him. We can't win. You're right. We can't. If we don't fight. Raven: Clarke, he's seizing! Clarke: On my way. He was fine, then Get my mother on the radio now. Raven, now! The radio's dead! Raven: Interference from the storm. Please don't let him die. Man: Is that Kane? ( Indistinct chatter ) Marcus, you shouldn't be here. You're wrong, mom. This is exactly where I should be. Ridley: You've got some balls coming here. Don't. You're standing where my wife took her last breath. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. Ridley: Tell me she didn't die for nothing. If I did I'd be lying. Then it's true? You knew those kids were on the ground? Yes. That the earth is survivable? No. Woman: You were supposed to protect us. Say something! Jaha: Enough! Stand back! I don't need you to defend me. Man: Murderers! Put that away. Don't make this any worse than it already is. Woman: We want answers. We want our people back. The least we can give you is the truth. Sound the signal for a general assembly. With the station representatives. What are you doing? No more secrets. ( Indistinct chatter ) Jaha: Give us room. You've been drinking? If I'd waited a day, two days they'd still be alive. You didn't make that decision alone, Marcus. Maybe not. But I pushed. I was I was so sure. I swore an oath to protect and defend these people. Instead I killed them. Pull yourself together, Kane. And then get your ass to the mess hall. Ok. It stopped. Quick, help me get him on his side. Raven, there is fluid in his lungs. He could choke. Quick. ( Grunting ) He's burning up. Raven: Fluid in his lungs. Does that mean the knife hit something? This isn't blood. It's something else. I did I did everything she told me. I've seen this before. Shortness of breath. Fever. Seizing. It's poison. Clarke, you sterilized everything. I watched you do it. Not everything. Stay here. Clarke. They locked the hatch. ( Pounding ) Hey! Open the door! ( Pounding ) Get out of my way, Miller. Now! What's on this? Bellamy: What are you talking about? He poisoned the blade. All this time, you knew Finn was gonna die no matter what we did. What is it? Is there an antidote? Octavia: Clarke, he doesn't understand you. Vials. It's gotta be here. You'd have to be stupid to have a poison around this long without an antidote. Clarke: Which one? Bellamy: Answer the question! Show us. Please. Which one? Our friend is dying down there and you can stop that. Bellamy: I'll get him to talk. Bellamy, no. He wants Finn to die. Why can't you see that? Do you want him to live or not? Clarke, you even said it yourself. This is not who we are! He was protecting me. He saved my life. We're talking about Finn's life. Do it. Just tell us! Bellamy: You're gonna show us the antidote or you're gonna wish you had. Octavia: Bellamy, no. Please. Oh! Please. Which one's the antidote? Clarke: Just tell them. Clarke. Oh! Jaha: You are the station reps of The Ark, and I don't blame you for losing faith in me. I kept The Ark's oxygen crisis from you. I lied about sending the hundred to the ground. But you can tell your stations that the deception ends here. You now know the whole truth, but there is one truth that stands above all the rest. Earth is survivable. The 320 souls who sacrificed their lives in the culling gifted the rest of us the time that we need to make it to the ground. Mankind is going home. ( Indistinct chatter ) Ridley: How do we know that's everything? How do we know you're not still lying? To cover up for the culling? This afternoon, I declassified the minutes of all council meetings. Is that supposed to make us feel better? All those people died for nothing. Please We're all in pain. Ridley: No, you don't get to do that. You pushed the button that sucked the air out of my wife's lungs. You caused our pain. You know nothing about how we feel. I lost my son! I didn't know that. I'm sorry. My friends, please. Chancellor Jaha has sacrificed as much as any of us. But his loss, just like all of yours, is not in vain. The Chancellor's son died finding out that earth is survivable. And because of your wife's sacrifice, your daughter will get to come down to the ground. That is not in vain. Ma'am, we can't trust them. Ridley: I'm sorry. Then trust her. As of this morning, there's an open seat on the council. Mine to fill until the next election. We need unity now More than ever. What do you say, Diana? Uhh! Aah! Please stop! Raven: Clarke! He's getting worse! We're running out of time. Which one? Which one is it? If you tell us, they'll stop. Clarke: Please tell us which is the antidote and they'll stop this. If that doesn't work, maybe this will. Clarke, you don't have to be here for this. I'm not leaving until I get that antidote. Last chance. ( Grunts ) Clarke: What's taking so long? He stopped breathing. What? He started again, but next time, he might not. Clarke: He won't tell us anything. Want to bet? Bellamy: What are you doing? Showing him something new. ( Electricity buzzing ) Aah! Oh! Aah! Aah! Which one is it? Come on! ( Electricity buzzing ) He's all I have. ( Electricity buzzing ) No more! He's letting Finn die. Bellamy: Octavia, no! He won't let me die. Octavia, what the hell did you Good. Thank you. Don't touch me. How do we know if it works? We'll know when he wakes up. He'll need water when he does. Do you mind? Sure. ( Crying ) I can't do this without you. Abby (on speaker): Hello? Clarke? Clarke, can you hear me? I'm here. Oh, thank God. Abby: The the storm is passing. How's Finn doing? I think he'll be ok. Oh, that's thanks to you. I'm so proud of you. Clarke, your father would be so proud of you, too. Don't talk about him. Clarke Baby, I know something else is wrong. Please tell me what it is. Dad's dead because of you. You turned him in. I know it. Wells told me everything before he ( crying ) He let me believe that he did it, so that I'd hate him instead of you. ( Sighing ) Clarke Clarke, I want you to listen to me. That was never supposed to happen. ( Sigh ) Jaha was supposed to talk him out of it. I'm done talking to you. ( Static ) ( Crying ) Clarke. No. ( Crying ) You haven't done that in years. It's healing. Don't you agree? ( Crying ) ( Softly ) I don't know who I am anymore. You're my son. I've done some terrible things. God will forgive you, Marcus. The question is, will you be able to forgive yourself? ( Sigh ) Clarke: Uhh. Uhh. ( Water dripping ) Octavia: Hey. Look, I need to clean this. ( Sigh ) Here. Let me try. I never wanted him to get hurt, Octavia. You have to know that. I just wanted to save Finn. For the record, you didn't save Finn. That was me. But whatever you want to tell yourself to feel better. ( Water dripping ) I'm so sorry. You saved my life and look-- look at the thanks you get. I never wanted any of this to happen to you. Thank you. Hey. He just say something? No. You know your brother doesn't want you up here, Octavia. Let's go. ( Water dripping ) ( Groaning ) Hey. Hey. Good save. It wasn't just me. She needs you, Finn. Raven. He's awake. He was asking for you. I thought I lost you. We'll get it cleaned up. I wish this was our only mess. Clarke. Who we are and who we need to be to survive are very different things. What are we gonna do with him? We can't keep him locked up forever. If we let him go, he'll be back, and not alone next time. It's not easy being in charge, is it? I, Diana Sydney, do solemnly swear to uphold and defend the laws and the people of The Ark. Then, welcome back to the table, Councillor Sydney. Thank you. ( Applause ) As a former chancellor, no one knows more about project exodus than you do. The good news is that we are going to the ground. The bad news is not all of us are. It's a problem we were supposed to have. What problem? There are 2,237 people on this ark and there are only enough dropships to carry 700. We are on the "Titanic" and there aren't enough lifeboats.

In the midst of a hurricane on the ground, Finn is near death from a poisoned stab wound. Bellamy, having captured the grounder who stabbed Finn, tortures him for the antidote but he does not speak. Raven successfully connects with The Ark; Abby assists Clarke with treating Finn. Octavia convinces the grounder to reveal the antidote by poisoning herself with the same blade. On The Ark, Abby is released due to the unexpected support of Kane, but is removed from the Council as punishment for her actions. Replacing her is the former chancellor, Diana Sydney, whose intentions are questionable. After learning that Earth is habitable, The Ark begins preparations for Project Exodus: their re-colonization of Earth. However, their dropships can only carry about 25% of The Ark's population. In addition, residual tension from the culling causes mistrust in the Council. Clarke finally confronts her mother who insists that she only intended to have Jaha talk Clarke's father out of his plan, not execute him.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_02x16

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_02x16_0

[Salvatore's house] (Elena and Stefan are in Stefan's bedroom, preparing for school) Elena: Stefan, we're late for school Stefan: Let's be later Elena: Stefan, it's school. Remember, that thing that we keep forgetting about? Stefan: School? (He kisses her) Stefan: Doesn't ring a bell (He kisses her, carries her and lays her on the bed) Elena: Stefan! Ok, 5 minutes, only 5 minutes (They kiss) (Elena is dressed, she's putting her coat. Damon is reading one of Jonathan Gilbert's journal) Elena: Good morning, Damon (He looks at her and pushes her against the wall) Damon: What are you doing here? I told you to leave Elena: What is your problem? Damon: You're wearing her clothes? Like that's going to work Elena: You think I'm Katherine? Why would you think that? Katherine's in a tomb! Isn't she? (He realeases her. Stefan arrives) Stefan: What the hell's going on here? Elena: I don't know, you tell me. Is Katherine in the tomb or not? (Stefan rushes over Elena and pushes her against the wall) Elena: What are you doing?! Stefan: How could you do this?! Elena: Stefan, you're hurting me! Stefan: Stop it, Katherine! Katherine: Stop what? It's getting really easy being you (Katherine is here. She was posing as Elena with Damon) (Damon is here too) Elena: What is she doing here? Damon: When we killed Elijah, it broke the compulsion and freed the bitch from the tomb Stefan: How's that possible? Katherine: He's an Original. They have all sorts of special skills Elena: I don't want you here. Get her out of here Katherine: You need me, Elena. You all do Stefan: Like hell Katherine: We all want the same thing... Klaus dead. Yet here you all are, running around like chickens with their heads cut off Elena: I don't need your help and I don't want it Katherine: And that's incredibly stupid of you. You know where Klaus is? When he's coming, what he looks like? Damon: If you know something, say it or get out Katherine: Fine. Then I'll just go to the grill and have some lunch... maybe Aunt Jenna's free for a bite [Mystic Falls' high school] (Matt is putting adds for the grill on the walls. Caroline rejoins him) Caroline: Hey, Matt Matt: Hey Caroline: Live band? Matt: Yeah, business has been a little slow. The grill's trying to stay afloat Caroline: Aren't we all? Matt: Have you heard from Tyler? Caroline: Not a peep. You? Matt: No, not since he stopped by the grill to talk, and I've left messages on his cell phone Caroline: He stopped by to see you? What did he say? Matt: Not much, really. I mean... I think to say good-bye without really saying good-bye. I just didn't know Caroline: And that's all he said? Matt: Yeah. Yeah, that's all he said, Caroline. Why? I mean, is there something you want to tell me? Caroline: Yeah! I... I mean, no, I... it's just not that easy Matt: I don't get it! Since when have I been the one that can express himself and you're one with a loss for words? Caroline: No, you're right, and I'm sorry Matt: You know how I feel. So it's your move. Just make a decision or leave me alone (He leaves) (Elena and Stefan are in the parking lot. They go out of Stefan's car) Elena: Why is she still here? She was free Stefan: She wants what we want... Klaus's death. Maybe she sees us as her only chance Elena: Or maybe she's trying to lure you and Damon back into her web. I want her gone Stefan: So do I. But you're right, she's staying. Shouldn't we at least try to figure out why? Elena: How? All she does is lie Stefan: Look, I hate it as much as you do, but she does make a point. We don't know anything about Klaus. She does Elena: Right, but that doesn't mean I want her shacking up with you (He embraces her) Stefan: Maybe we should stay at your place tonight Elena: Hmm, I can't. I told Bonnie and Caroline that they could come over. Bonnie's freaked because she lost her powers and Caroline's having Matt drama again. It's kind of a girls' night. Maybe Katherine can join us (He kisses her on the forehead and they leaves) [Salvatore's house] (Damon is trying to burn Elijah's body but it doesn't work. Katherine rejoins him) Katherine: Mmm, burning flesh. If you're trying to get the dagger back, you're wasting your time. He's indestructible Damon: No kidding. How do you know so much about Original vampires? Katherine: Spend 500 years running from one Damon: So when I told you my plan to kill Elijah, why didn't you warn me that I'd die if I used a dagger on him? Katherine: Oh, there's so many rules. It's all very confusing Damon: Did you know I would die? Katherine: Did Elijah tell you his plan? Did he have a dagger to kill Klaus with? Damon: Why are you still here? Katherine: Because you haven't forcibly removed me (He threatens to burn her) Katherine: You wouldn't Damon: Oh, I would Katherine: Damon, be smart. I want Klaus dead just as much as you do. More. If I wasn't be honest about helping, I'd be long gone by now, ok? You can hate me. But we want the same thing. And you know... I always get what I want (He doensn't threatens her anymore. She's about to leave) Katherine: Didn't matter who paid the price. Of course I knew that you'd die [Mystic Falls' high school] (Stefan is with Bonnie and Jeremy) Bonnie: She's out of the tomb? Stefan: Yeah. We're dealing with it, all right? Just be extra careful. She's getting a little too good at impersonating Elena Jeremy: With Katherine still around, we gotta find a way to get your powers back Stefan: Listen, I want to get the Martins on our side. I want to figure out a way for us all to work together now that Elijah's out of the picture Bonnie: It's impossible. They hate us Stefan: It's either win them over or somebody's going to end up dead. You think you can at least convince them to have a civil conversation? Bonnie: I'll try Stefan: Thanks. Keep me posted (He leaves) Bonnie: Ok. I gotta get to class Jeremy: All right, I'll see ya (He tries to kiss her but she laughs) Jeremy: Come on. Elena's nowhere in sight (She kisses him) Bonnie: I'll tell her soon. I promise Jeremy: Alright (Alaric is in his classroom with Elena) Alaric: It was bad. You know, John planted all these seeds about Isobel and now Jenna knows I'm lying about something Elena: John's going to end up dead on the kitchen floor if he's not careful Alaric: Yeah, well, easier said than done. I gave him back his ring so... Look, Jenna keeps asking about Isobel. You know, was she murdered? Why haven't they found the body? I mean, how much longer can she stay in the dark? Elena: You think we should tell her the truth? Alaric: I'm saying I can't be with her and not tell her. It's not fair to her, and it's not the kind of relationship I want. Not to mention it's becoming more dangerous for her not to know Elena: I just thought that we'd at least hold off until after we've dealt with Klaus. You know, and even then, how do we tell someone what we know? How does someone hear that? Alaric: Look, I'm sorry to put this on you. But I feel it's your decision to make. And whatever you decide to do, I'll respect it. I want to be honest with her. But until then, Jenna and I are done [Mystic Grill] (Jonas and Luka rejoin Stefan and Bonnie) Stefan: Thank you for coming Jonas: I didn't want to but my son made a case to hear you out Luka: Bonnie said that you have information about Elijah (Stefan looks at Bonnie) Stefan: Elijah's dead. I'm sorry (Jonas and Luka look at Bonnie and Jonas gets up but Stefan catches his shoulder) Stefan: Hear me out. We can help you Bonnie: We know that Klaus has your daughter. I'm sorry about the way I had to get that information, but it's good that we know. We can all work together to get her back Luka: How? Stefan: I suspect that you and Elijah had a plan to kill Klaus. I'll just help you carry it out. You can trust us. I give you my word. We all do [Salvatore's house] (Damon is in the living room, organizating Jonathan Gilbert's journals. Katherine rejoins him) Katherine: What you up to? Damon: None of your business Katherine: We're pouting now? Are those the Gilbert journals? (He doesn't answer) Katherine: How am I supposed to help you if you won't tell me what you're up to? Damon: Can you tell me where a bunch of witches were massacred in this town a couple centuries ago? Katherine: No Damon: Then you can't help (She tries to catch a journal but he slap her hand. She hits her arm and he phushes her on a chair and is above her) Katherine: If it's any consolation, I'm glad that you're not dead (She gets up) Katherine: Emily Bennett told me about the massacre. It was a big deal in witch folklore. When a witch dies violently, they release a mystical energy marking the place of their death with power Damon: Elijah wanted to know the site of the massacre Katherine: What was he going to do when he found it? Damon: I don't know. What did papa witch and baby witch have to say? Stefan: Wasn't she gone or dead yet? Katherine: For the last time, I'm here to help. Can we skip the secrets, hmm? Stefan: Elijah had no weapon to kill Klaus but he believed that if a witch could channel enough power... They wouldn't need one Damon: Like the power you get from a spot marked with a hundred dead witches? Stefan: We just need to find it [Jonas and Luka's appartment] Luka: But what if they can find the burial ground? Jonas: They won't. We tried, Luka, for weeks Luka: We don't have a back-up plan, though, dad, and we need to be doing everything we can to save Greta Jonas: We will save her but Elijah is the answer, not Stefan and his brother. Those people, they're our enemies. They need to be dealt with Luka: You're going to kill them? Jonas: No. I'm going to let Elijah do it [Gilbert's house] (Elena, Bonnie and Caroline are in the kitchen) Caroline: Chinese food or pizza? Elena: Like you have to ask Caroline: I will get it (She takes her ipad and sees a picture of her with Matt) Bonnie: I'll do it (She takes the ipad) Elena: Do you believe that Jonas is being sincere? Bonnie: I don't know what to believe. I think he's at a loss. He's not sure who to trust Elena: Join the club Caroline: Well, what are we going to do about this movie situation? What about "The Notebook"? Elena: Caroline, how many times have you seen that movie? Caroline: That is so not the point Elena: Well, yeah, I mean... (Jenna enters the kitchen) Elena: Hey Jenna: What's going on? Elena: Girls' night Jenna: Oh Elena: How are you doing? Jenna: You heard about my fight with Ric Elena: He feels terrible Jenna: Is this some kind of disguised attempt to cheer me up? (Elena looks at the girls) Elena: No. No, this is about us girls hanging out and you know, we'll be here if you happen to want to talk, or... Caroline: Because I am a winner when it comes to successful relationships Jenna: You, too? Caroline: You have no idea Jenna: Ok, then (She rejoins them and opens the fridge) Jenna: It's this whole Isobel thing. He's hiding something from me Caroline: To play devil's advocate, maybe there is a great reason why he's not telling you. Maybe he is just trying to protect you Jenna: Well, that's not his call to make. I mean, I deserve the truth. Everybody does Caroline: Sometimes it's harder than that Jenna: Not if it's somebody you care about, it isn't Caroline: You know what we need? Dancing. There is a band at the grill Bonnie: I'm in Jenna: In Elena: In [Jonas and Luka's appartment] (Jonas and Luka are sitting at a table) Jonas: Are you sure about this? I mean, I would go if I could Luka: No. I'm not strong enough to send you. I can do this Jonas: I'll stay anchored. Use all my energy. If you feel weak... Luka: Dad. I want this just as much as you Jonas: Concentrate on Elijah. Picture him in your mind (Luka closes his eyes) Luka: I got it (Jonas cast a spell) [Salvatore's house] (Luka is in the salvatore's house. Katherine and Damon are reading. They can't see him) Luka: I'm in the Salvatore house. Elijah's body must be there Jonas: What do you see? Luka: Elena and Damon. They're reading Jonas: Good. If Elijah's there, you'll sense him. Stay focused (He leaves) (Katherine gets closer to Damon to read what he's reading) Damon: Can I help you? Katherine: I'm bored (She reads) Katherine: "Emily Bennett was taken by the Council today. They kidnapped her from her home and took her to the same location her ancestors were burned a hundred years ago." So Emily died on the site of the massacre, too. Does it say where? (She tries to take the journal but he doesn't let her) Damon: Nope. You know this whole friendly, cooperative thing? Katherine: Mm-hmm Damon: I don't buy it Katherine: I have no reason to lie to you, Damon Damon: Lie Katherine: I'm hungry Damon: You're the unwanted houseguest. Go feed yourself (She goes in the basement to take a blood bag. Luka's here. She doens't see him but she feels something) (Stefan rejoins Damon) Stefan: Well, nothing in any of those. Find anything? Damon: Nope (He pretends so Katherine can't here but he show the journal to Stefan. Stefan pretends too) Stefan: That's too bad Damon: Yeah, bummer (Katherine goes in the cellar and looks at Elijah's body. She about to leave when she hears the dagger. Luka's trying to remove it. Katherine doesn't see him but she rushes on the dagger and maintains it on Elijah's heart.) Luka: Elena's fighting me Jonas: What's wrong? Luka: She's stronger than me Jonas: That's because it's not Elena. It's Katherine Pierce. Luka... kill her Luka: What? Jonas: She's a vampire. Find a stake and drive it through her heart (Luka releases the dagger. Katherine releases it too and look at the room. She sees a wooden chair being broken but doesn't see anyone) Katherine: Damon! (Luka drives a stake through her body but misses the hurt. Damon arrives) Damon: Katherine (She remove the stake) Damon: What happened? (She looks at Elijah's body. Luka's removing the dagger. Damon takes fire and burn around the room) [Jonas and Luka's appartment] (Luka is in fire) Jonas: Luka! Luka! [Salvatore's house] (Stefan rejoins them) Stefan: What are you doing?! Damon: Shutting down a crazy ass psychic witch attack! Get over there and do something about it. Now! [Jonas and Luka's appartment] (Luka's is burned. Jonas rushes over him. Luka's dead) Jonas: Oh, my God! Luka! Luka! I'm sorry. Please. Just wake up, son. Open your eyes (He takes a grimoir and cast a spell but that doesn't do anything. He cries) [Mystic Grill] (Elena, Bonnie, Caroline and Jenna arrive and look at the band. Jenna sees Alaric) Jenna: I need a drink (She goes to the bar. Matt is next to them) Caroline: Hey, Matt (He doesn't answer) Bonnie: Things just got real awkward (Alaric rejoins Jenna at the bar) Alaric: Jenna Jenna: Not tonight, Ric. Tonight I have traded you for se or tequila Alaric: Yeah. Well, se or tequila's not going to be treating you very well Jenna: Well, the two of you have a lot in common Alaric: Look, Jenna, I hate that you're this upset with me Jenna: Yeah, well, it's your fault. Because whatever it is you're keeping from me, Whatever you think I can't handle... You're wrong. 'Cause last year I was a grad student who smoked a lot of pot and couldn't keep a goldfish alive and now I'm a parent, so I think I can handle anything, Ric Alaric: Jenna... (Elena; Caroline and Bonnie are listenning at the band) Bonnie: He said the ball's in your court Caroline: Yeah, but I can't do anything about it Bonnie: Why not? All you do is talk about how much you care about him Caroline: Yeah, but I am still keeping so many secrets Elena: Alaric's in the same boat with Jenna and maybe that's our mistake. We're trying to protect the people that we love by keeping them out of it, but in the end, we're hurting them anyway (Caroline takes off her jacket and leaves to the stage) Elena: What are you doing? (She goes on the stage and takes the microphone) Caroline: Hey, everybody. Let's hear it for the band! Weren't they awesome? So there's this guy. And, uh, he told me to tell him how I feel about him. Like it's so easy. Um, you know, just 'cause I talk a lot doesn't mean I always know what I'm actually talking about. Ah, like now, I'm feeling loopy and I don't really know how to express myself. I can sing. Yeah! Yeah. You know what, I'm going to sing (the singer rejoins her) Singer: Come on, off the stage (She compels him) Caroline: You are going to let me live out my rock star fantasies, and you are going to be my back-up (She whispers something in his hear and starts singing eternal flames. Matt looks at Elena ans she smiles. Matt rejoins her on stage and kisses her. Bonnie, Elena and everyone screams and laughs) [SCENE_BREAK] [Jonas and Luka's appartment] (Jonas is angry. He takes Elena's pictures and her hair brush to cast a spell to find her. Stefan enters the appartment and sees Luka's body) Jonas: You killed him (He uses his powers on Stefan. Stefan hols his head. He's hurt) Jonas: He's dead and I have no one. And now you're about to find out exactly what that feels like (Stefan is on the floor, screaming. Jonas leaves. Stefan sees Elena's picture on the floor) [Salvatore's house] (Damon gives Katherine a blood bag and drive a stake through her body) Katherine: What the hell?! Damon: That's for not telling me the dagger would kill me. Next time... It goes in your heart Katherine: Is that how you treat someone who... (She removes the stake) Katherine: is trying to help you? Damon: You wanna help? Start talking Katherine: I'd love to, but you're not going to like it Damon: Try me Katherine: Fine. John Gilbert and Isobel want you and Stefan out of Elena's life Damon: That's old news Katherine: Not the part where he offered me a deal. He knew that killing Elijah would get me out of the tomb, so he gave me a choice. Either I stay and help with Klaus, or he kills Stefan Damon: But he still tried to have me killed Katherine: Right. That was part of the deal. I could only save one of you Damon: So you chose Stefan. Of course you did Katherine: You wanted the truth, Damon. Would you rather I lie? [Mystic Grill] (Elena goes in the bathroom but Caroline and Matt are in it, kissing each other) Elena: Ahh! Oh, sorry (She leaves) Matt: You know, I really have to get back to work Caroline: Definitely (Bonnie's going to the bathroom but Elena stops her) Elena: I... I wouldn't. Caroline and Matt are... Bonnie: In the bathroom?! Elena: If they're happy, I'm happy. Bonnie: Um, hey, speaking of happy, would it freak you out if I started dating your brother? Elena: You're into my brother? Bonnie: I know it's weird, um, but he's been so good and strong. It makes me happy and I really can't tell what you're thinking... Right now Elena: I'm thinking that... My brother has had more pain in his life than a hundred people's worth of pain, and... He deserves to be with someone as amazing as you Bonnie: Really? Elena: Really (Bonnie embrace her. Elena's phone rings, she answers, it's Stefan) Elena: Hey, Stefan, I'm at the grill. I can't hear you. Hold... yeah (She leaves. Bonnie sees Jonas entering) [Salvatore's house] Katherine: Where are you going? Damon: Luka Martin's dead. His father's going after Elena Katherine: I'm coming with you Damon: No, you're not Katherine: Wait Damon: I don't need your help. I don't want it Katherine: I know what we can do, Damon. You have to let me do it [Mystic Grill] (Bonnie rejoins Jonas) Bonnie: Dr. Martin. You ok? Jonas: Where is she? Bonnie: I don't understand Jonas: My son is dead Bonnie: Whatever it is you think you need to do, there's a better way Jonas: They killed Elijah and they killed Luka and my only shot at getting my daughter back is if I have Elena Bonnie: No. No, Dr. Martin (Jonas breaks the scene's lights with his powers) Jonas: Where is she? Bonnie: I don't know. I haven't seen her (He breaks the rest of the lights) (Caroline and Matt are kissing in the restroom when the light goes off) Matt: What the hell? Caroline: Mmm! (He opens the door to see if the powers out in the grill) Matt: The power's out Caroline: Even better Matt: I wish, but I should probably... (She kisses him and he leaves. She smiles. Elena and Stefan rejoins her) Caroline: Hey Elena: We have a problem Caroline: What's going on? Stefan: Jonas is here and he's after Elena Caroline: Oh, my God! Stefan: We have a plan, but I need to get Elena out of here Caroline: Well, what can I do? (Alaric rejoins Jenna) Alaric: It's time to get out of here Jenna: I have to find Elena Alaric: She's with Stefan, she's ok (Bonnie is still talking with Jonas) Jonas: No one's getting out of here until I have her Bonnie: Don't do this. Please don't do this (He breaks all the botles with his powers and sets fire to the bar. She tries to stop him but he puts his hand on her forehead and she falls on the floor, unconscious. Everyone is going out. Matt tries to stop the fire but he sees Bonnie) Matt: Bonnie! Hey, Bonnie! (He rushes over her) Matt: Bonnie! Bonnie! Hey, Bonnie! (She wakes up. Matt help her to get up) (Elena and Stefan stop and see Jonas) Elena: Dr. Martin! I'm so sorry about Luka. I never wanted that to happen, but... at least let us help you get your daughter back Jonas: Only Elijah can do that Elena: You don't need Elijah (He sets fire to another bar and turns to Stefan and Elena but Caroline jumps on him. Elena and Stefan leave. Caroline tries to bite Jonas but he provoques a headache with his powers. Caroline screams. Matt sees her) Matt: Caroline! (He rushes over Jonas and pushes him against the wall) Matt: Get away from her! Caroline: Matt, no! (Jonas breaks a bottle and puts in it Matt's neck and leaves. Mat falls on the floor. Caroline cries and rushes over him) Caroline: Matt! Matt! Oh! Oh, my God! (She tries to calm herself) Caroline: Just breath Caroline... just breath (Her face change, she bites her wrist and puts it in Matt's mouth) Caroline: You have to drink. Please, please [Gilbert's house] (Bonnie and Jeremy are in the kitchen) Bonnie: Luka... I can't believe he's dead. After what we did to him Jeremy: No, after what he did to you. Look, I'm sorry, I know you feel bad about all of this but I don't Bonnie: I couldn't do anything to help. I was useless. I hated it (Stefan and Elena enter the house) Bonnie: Thank God Elena: It's not over yet Jeremy: What's going on? Elena: He'll explain (She goes upstairs) Stefan: When did you guys get home? Bonnie: A few minutes ago Stefan: Did you check the house? Jeremy: And why would we check the house? (Elena goes in the bathroom. Jonas is behind her. He catches her. Her face change and she bites him. It's Katherine, posing as Elena. Stefan and Bonnie arrive) Katherine: You're welcome (Bonnie goe toward Jonas's body) Bonnie: You didn't have to kill him! Katherine: Yes, we did (Bonnie gets closer to him and touches his face when he gets up and grabs her face. she screams. Stefan kills him) (Damon and Elena are downstairs) Elena: How did you guys convince her to do this? Damon: We didn't. It was actually her idea Elena: Wow. That's... Not good Damon: No. No, that's not good at all (Stefan and Katherine goes down the stairs) Stefan: Everything's taken care of (Katherine takes off Elena's necklace) Katherine: I'm guessing you're going to want this back. But your pretty little outfit is going to need a good dry clean (She takes her necklace from Katherine's hand) Elena: You're going to have to get her out of here before Jenna gets home Katherine: Is that all you have to say to me? Elena: This doesn't change the way I feel about you Katherine: I don't much like you, either, if we're going to be open and frankly, I'd be happy to see you dead but if we're going to try to take on Klaus, we kinda need you to be alive. So I'm not a threat to you, Elena. If any of you are going to believe anything, believe that (Alaric and Jenna are under the porche) Jenna: Thanks for getting me home. That was kind of crazy Alaric: Jenna, are you going to be ok? Look, Isobel is dead and there things about her death that I can't tell you. That aren't for me to tell. You can be upset and hate me. I get it but just know that I love you. At least I can tell you that much Jenna: Good night, Ric Alaric: Good night (Jenna enters the house. Elena's here) Elena: Hey. You made it home Jenna: Tonight was very weird Elena: Tell me about it (Jeremy and Bonnie are in his bedroom) Jeremy: I'm worried about you Bonnie: Don't be Jeremy: No, I'm serious, Bonnie. The only witch that could given you your powers back is dead, and... I think you have a serious case of denial going, and I want you to know that I'm here for you no matter what, and... (She kisses him) Jeremy: Not that denial's the worst thing (She puts her hand on his chest. The lights flincker) Jeremy: Did you... Bonnie: When he grabbed me... He gave me my powers back and something else. Jonas wants me to kill Klaus Jeremy: And did he include a how? Bonnie: Yeah. He did [Salvatore's house] (Damon is on his bed, reading Jonathan Gilbert's journal. Katherine rejoins him. Her hair are curly again ans she's in lingerie) Damon: You know what I can't figure out? Katherine: What's that? Damon: How the town knew Emily Bennett was a witch. I mean, because according to Johnathan Gilbert, he was the only one who knew. I know he didn't turn her in. (she doesn't answer) Damon: Mmm, I should have figured as much Katherine: Oh, she was a loose end. I like mine tied up. You know what I can't figure out? Damon: Do I care? Katherine: Why you won't tell me where to find the site of the witch massacre Damon: Because I have no clue Katherine: You knew that Emily Bennett was the key to getting me out of that tomb and something tells me that you did everything in your power to make sure that she was safe, yet you have no idea where she was killed. Who's the liar now? You hurt me today Damon: Tit for tat Katherine: You were mean and very rough and monstrous Damon: You deserved it (She gets closer to him) Katherine: I like this, Damon Damon: Katherine. Katherine, there are six other bedrooms in this house (They're about to kiss) Damon: Go find one (He pushes her. She's upset, she looks at him and leaves) [Caroline's house] (Matt wakes up. Caroline's here) Caroline: Hi (He looks at his shirt. There's a lot of blood. He touches his neck) Matt: What the hell? I had your face... And all the blood. I... I drank your blood Caroline: You were dying. My blood healed you Matt: What do you mean, it healed me? How can your blood heal me? Caroline: Because that's what vampire blood does for humans, and that's what I am. I'm a vampire, Matt. Matt: No Caroline: But it's all going to be ok, because I am going to tell you everything, and you're going to understand why I had to keep it from you, and we're going to be fine Matt: We'll be fine?! Caroline: Yes, because we're together and we love each other Matt: Vampires. Oh, my God. Vickie, oh, my God, at the hospital, I thought that she was tripping out Caroline: What? Matt: Vickie, she knew about the vampires, and I... What... what did you do? Caroline: Nothing. Nothing! Matt! Matt: I need to get out of here (He tries to leave but Caroline stops him) Caroline: No, no, no! I can't let you leave. I cannot let you leave (He cries) Matt: What did you do to my sister? Caroline: Nothing! Nothing! I swear, I swear, nothing, nothing! Matt: What did you do?! Caroline: Nothing, Matt! You have to calm down! Matt! [Gilbert's house] (Jenna's in the kitchen, eating ice cream. Elena rejoins her) Jenna: Are John and Jeremy asleep? Elena: I think so Jenna: If I go to bed right now, there's a chance I'll wake up hangover-free (The door's bell rings) Jenna: Who's that? (She goes toward the door and opens it. It's Isobel) Isobel: Hi. You must be Jenna (Elena arrives and is surprised) Isobel: I'm... Elena's mother (She looks at Elena) Elena: Isobel (Jenna seems shocked)

Discovering that Katherine is free, Elena is upset. Stefan and Bonnie try to persuade Jonas and Luka to work with them, but Jonas wants Elijah alive again. He performs a ritual that puts Luka in the boarding house in invisible form. Luka tries to remove the dagger from Elijah's body, but Katherine stops him. Luka then stakes Katherine, but Damon uses a flamethrower to prevent the removal of the dagger. Luka is fatally burned, and Jonas vows to avenge him by killing Elena. Bonnie tells Elena about her relationship with Jeremy and is surprised by Elena's positive response. Jonas appears at the Grill, looking for Elena. Bonnie tries to stop him, but he disables her; Matt intervenes, but Jonas stabs him. Caroline sees Matt dying and forces him to drink her blood to save his life. Jonas attacks Elena, but she proves to be Katherine, and she bites him. Alaric tells Jenna that he loves her. Bonnie reveals that Jonas has restored her powers and told her how to kill Klaus. Caroline tells Matt that she is a vampire, but he takes the news badly. Isobel shows up at Elena's house and tells Jenna that she is Elena's mother.

fd_Justified_06x01

fd_Justified_06x01_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Art: You're hit! Alison: [panting] No, i-it's not me. It's you. Tim: He lost a lot of blood. He went out in the ambulance. Hasn't opened his eyes since. Dewey: That's my heroin! Boyd: Dewey ... Dewey: Or you don't think I'll shoot?! I will shoot ... the way I shot Wade Messer! Raylan: We got you on tape, Dewey, talking heroin, big dreams. Dewey: You heard that? Raylan: About Messer, too. Raylan: You're saying you're going after Boyd Crowder? Vasquez: We're going after him under the rico statute. We're gonna bury him. Raylan: And you want me to help? Rachel: Before you go? Yeah. Katherine: You were lousy at running heroin, Boyd Crowder. But from what I'm told, you are really good at robbing banks. Raylan: I came here to go over the rules. How you make a call. How you record a conversation. Ava: How I send an emergency signal. What to do if I'm in danger. Yeah. Raylan: And you're clear? Ava: Mm-hmm. Raylan: Then we're good. Winona: Are you serious? This is ... is really happening? Raylan: Paperwork's been filed. Just as matter of routine approvals. I'll be there, all moved in, in a few weeks. God damn, she's beautiful. Oh, little lady, you're wide awake, aren't you? [baby cooing] Want mister turtle? [sighs] I'll tell you a secret. Your daddy is pretty tough, but he is no match for the graveyard shift. [cooing continues] [chuckles] Oh, Raylan, what in the world is worth missing this for? [loud music] [horns honking] [all conversing in Spanish, laughter] [scoffs] Raylan: Bourbon. Tequila. Aguilar: Hey, yanqui. If you're looking for the whorehouse, it's just around the corner, just past the Starbucks. [laughter] Raylan: I'm looking for a Federale named Aguilar. Don't suppose that's you? Aguilar: It depends. Raylan: On? Aguilar: What it is you want. Raylan: [exhales sharply] Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something like that ... sharp, inhospitable. Same reason I never understood the fascination with the artichoke. Aguilar: Who are you? D.E.A.? Raylan: Now, bourbon is easy to understand. Tastes like a warm summer day. Aguilar: Texas Ranger? Raylan: U.S. Marshals service. Just got a couple questions, I'll be on my way. Four weeks ago, you reported finding an abandoned truck in the desert with the bodies of some drug-running Americans. Aguilar: You read the report. I have nothing more to say. Raylan: Not looking to jam you up. Makes no difference to me if you hijacked the truck hoping to find some drugs, instead got a wagonload of dead gringos. Don't even care if a little money was exchanged. How you boys do things down here is none of my business. I just want to know about the other men in that desert, the ones that walked out alive. [billiard balls clack] Aguilar: [chuckles] You walk through that door, putting your hat on like you mean business, like god gave you a big set of swinging cojones. Look around you. This is Mexico, cabr n. And that star you wear don't mean sh1t. Now, a ranger badge ... ah, a ranger badge ... that means something. They bang it out of a 1948 Mexican silver coin. And [scoffs] you don't even have a gun, which is a good thing, or else I'd stick your yanqui ass in a Mexican prison where you can eat sh1t for all I care. You take that worthless star and get out of my city. Raylan: Thank you for the drink. I'll be in touch. Aguilar: [speaking Spanish] This is Mexico, cabr n! [speaks Spanish, knocks on table] [drunkenly singing in Spanish] [chuckles] [all conversing in Spanish] [laughs] [drunkenly singing in Spanish] [keys jangling] [dog barking in distance] [insects chirping] [grunting] [engine turns over] [tires squeal] [barking continues] [groaning, breathing heavily] Raylan: I told you I'd be in touch. [music] [car door closes] Welcome to the United States of America, chief. Around these parts, this star means something. [groans, spits] Raylan: Feel like talking? [dogs barking] [faucet squeaks] [tires screech] [gearshift clicks] Boyd: You want to smoke that sh1t, do it outside my truck. Joyce: And one more. [stamper clicks] Boyd: "I believe that banking institutions are a greater threat to our liberties than standing armies." Thomas Jefferson. [stamper clicks] Joyce: Right this way, Mr. Crowder. Would you like a private room, Mr. Crowder? Boyd: No, ma'am. I believe this will be a quick one. [door closes, lock engages] [keys jingle] The Pig: Excuse me! Can I please get some help? Boyd: I'll be fine. Joyce: Thank you, Mr. Crowder. The Pig: Thank you. Joyce: You're welcome. [briefcase clicks] The Pig: [in distance] I appreciate your help. [indistinct conversation in distance] [bottle spraying] [camera shutter clicking] [title theme] On this lonely road, trying to make it home doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? I'm fighting for my soul, god, get at your boy you try to bogard, fall back, I go hard on this lonely road, trying to make it home doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? I see them long, hard times to come [birds chirping] [bang in distance] [bed creaks] Ava: [sighs] [vehicle door closes] [sighs] [whirring] Boyd! [whirring stops] Where's Hollis? Boyd: [sighs] I let him go. Ava: Yet I hired him to do the job. Boyd: Well, Ava, I figure what's mine is yours, what's yours is mine, so I... thought I'd just do it myself. Besides, all that's left is to paint. I can get to that tomorrow. Ava: Then what? Boyd: You tell me. Ava: [sniffs] I got to wake up. Do you want a coke or a coffee? Boyd: Well, you got a cold beer? Ava: I do. Boyd: You got two? Ava: I just got out of bed. Boyd: I'm just trying to make you smile. Look, Ava, I know what you're going through. Being in prison ain't easy on anybody. [i]I mean, I have been there ... more than once. If you want to talk about it... I mean, hell, girl, if you want to talk about anything, really. Ava: Let me get you that beer. [bottles clinking] [cap clatters] [bottles clink] [cellphone vibrates] [SCENE_BREAK] [sighs] [telephone ringing] [knock on door] Mexico went well. Raylan: How'd you know? Rachel: You seem happy. You never seem happy. Raylan: What are you talking about? I'm always happy. Rachel: You found the federale? Raylan: Found him, had a very fruitful conversation, and in return, I set him up with some nice accommodations in the El Paso lockup so he doesn't disappear. He gave me a witness who was with Boyd when Johnny Crowder and the rest were killed. We get his testimony, Boyd's looking at murder one. Make that the centerpiece of your RICO case. Rachel: Who's the witness? Dewey Crowe. Vasquez: Dewey Crowe? Dewey Crowe. Rachel: Should I tell him, or you? Vasquez: Dewey Crowe is being released. Raylan: That's unfortunate. Vasquez: Charges didn't stick. Rachel: His confession to killing Messer ... he said he was just joking. He also says that he took the heroin just to keep it off the streets. Vasquez: You know, doing his civic duty. Raylan: Call Reardon. Get him to block the release. Rachel: It's not that simple. Raylan: Why not? Vasquez: Because of your history with Mr. Crowe, Raylan. I'm sure you remember the federal government awarding him 300 grand a couple months back, tacitly admitting harassment by the Marshals service, in the person of Raylan Givens. Rachel: To which his lawyer believes his current detention bears more than a passing resemblance. Vasquez: Bottom line is, Dewey Crowe's getting out in about three hours. Raylan: Well, maybe that's not such a bad thing. Yeah. Screw it. Let's not even fight it. We'll give him some rope. Dewey's gonna screw up again. When he does, I'll be there. Vasquez: Except lawyers being lawyers, she's petitioned that you stay 1,000 feet away from him. Raylan: Now I got to keep my distance? Rachel: Pretty much. Raylan: But we get Dewey, we get Boyd. That is why I'm here. Vasquez: Yes. Officially, my boss is not gonna let me let you violate Dewey Crowe's civil rights. So... what are you gonna do? [indistinct speaking over intercom] [door buzzes] Man: You're off the chain, man. Good luck. Guard: Keep moving. [gate buzzes] Dewey: [sighs] Thank you, Jesus. Raylan: c mo est , Dewey? [bird squawking] Dewey: Christ... Raylan? Raylan: How's it going, amigo? Dewey: We ain't amigos. Raylan: Oh, so, you speak a little Spanish. That must have come in handy down in Mexico. I got no idea what you're talking about. Raylan: Federale named Aguilar who says different. Dewey: Hey, my lawyer told me you come within 1,000 feet, that's harassment. Raylan: You best back up. Dewey: They got cameras all over. His description fits you to a "T" ... Nazi tattoo, funny hair, stupid-looking. Dewey: That could be 10,000 people. How am I supposed to read that? It's in Mexican. Raylan: Oh, then you just have to take my word for it. Mexican government wants to extradite you back to Nuevo Laredo, put you on trial for the murder of Johnny Crowder and a truckload of others. Well, I ain't never been to Mexico in my life. Raylan: That's not what's in question, Dewey. I didn't kill Johnny Crowder. Well, then tell me who did. Maybe I can help you out. Yeah, I ain't a rat. And like I said, I wasn't even there. Raylan: Then you got yourself a problem. I can give you maybe a week to jog your memory, and then it's off to a Mexican jail. And we both know that's a world away from titties and tequila. Yeah, I'm done talking. I got a bus to catch. Raylan: You're a card in fate's right hand. Don't you see how it's gonna play out? What the hell does that mean? Raylan: It means you need to be smart. What I need... is a $6 blow job. A smarter move, I cannot imagine. [sighs] [bird squawking] [insects chirping] [music] [dog barking] Dewey: Oh, you're kidding me, man. Goddamn government seizure? [bird squawks] [indistinct conversations] Mina: Get you something? Dewey: Teena? Mina: Mina, Dewey. And it's, uh, back to Abigail. Dewey: What the hell happened? Mina: When Audry's closed down, put me at the crossroads. I didn't know which way to go. The next day, God sent me a sign ... "now hiring." Dewey: What happened to Mina? I mean Teena ... or whatever the hell. Mina: I don't know. She wasn't my sister, exactly. Dewey: It was nice when you played like you were, though. Huh? [chuckles] Mina: You want something Dewey? On me. Dewey: Ooh, hey. [chuckles] What you got in mind? Mina: Um, how about the twofer plus two? It's two pancakes and two eggs with either two slices of bacon or a couple of links. Dewey: W... [chuckles] Any chance I can maybe jam one last bone in you? Reggie: He bothering you? [sighs] I'm okay, baby. Dewey: Didn't I knock him out? Well, look at you. Got your freedom, and then ... bam! ... New job, new man, whole new deal. Mina: Not like I thought about it too hard. Just kind of happened, like fate or something. Dewey: Nah, you saw a sign. Well, I'll be damned. Don't you get it? Don't you see? You lost it, I found it, and then I found you. It's my sign. Mina: Okay. Well, I got to get back to it. How about that twofer? Dewey: No, no. I'm good. But thank you. Thank you! Mina: Anytime! [birds squawking] [wind chimes jingle] Boyd: You look pretty. Early day. Where you off to? Ava: Tammy Lee took me back at the beauty salon, gave me the morning slot. - I didn't know you were working. Ava: First day back. Needed a reason to get dressed before 4:00 in the afternoon. Boyd: [chuckles] Ava, there's something we need to talk about. Tammy Lee's waiting. Boyd: It won't take but a minute. [clears throat] While you were locked up, I-I-I had some time to think, time to look around. Harlan's dying. Mines mostly shut down, stores closed or closing, no money, no work ... not ... not worth having ... no ... no offense. People are giving up, selling what they got, and moving on. But if there's a chance for us, Ava, it's not here. Now, i-i-if I were to come into a good sum... soon... [sighs] would you come away with me? Ava: What are you talking about? Come away where? Boyd: Costa Rica, Brazil, maybe ... someplace they got white sand and blue water. Ava: No. I don't want to hear this. How ... How much money you comin' into, Boyd? I don't want to hear this. Boyd: I-I ain't talking about running from trouble, Ava. Ain't gonna be no trouble. I'm talking about leaving Harlan, escaping. Ava: This is our home, Boyd, the home that we're fixing up. And you want to leave? Boyd: If we stay in this ghost town, Ava, together or otherwise, how long you think it's gonna be before we turn into ghosts ourselves? Ava: Oh, you saying that like we ain't dead already. I gotta go to work. All right. I will be back in a jiff. [hair dryer whirs] [sighs] [birds squawking] Raylan: [sniffs] Ava: What the hell, Raylan? What are you doing here? Raylan: Come to see you. What are you thinking? I mean, are you sh1tting me? I work here! Yeah. Few days now. That's good. Good place to meet. You can't do this. You can't sneak up on me like this. Raylan: First off, I didn't sneak up. Second, yes, I can. Ava: What if Boyd came? What would you do then? Raylan: Boyd would not be caught dead near a beauty parlor, though I bet he's thrilled you get 10% off his hair spray. Ava: Funny. Raylan: I use a paste. Ava: [chuckles] I don't think I can do this. Raylan: What you need to do is contact me... particularly when I reach out again and again and I don't hear from you. That way, there are no surprises. Ava: Fine. Raylan: [inhales sharply] Sit down. [both sigh] Ava: I'm afraid to look him in the eye, say good morning the wrong way, give him cause to put a hole through my head. Raylan: Why would he have any reason to do such a thing? Ava: I don't know. Do I have to know? I mean, can't I just have a feeling? Raylan: How's he acting? Doing anything different ... making changes, talking about buying a new car, boat, making big plans? He bought a $300 tow truck. Raylan: There you go. How's that for a plan? Raylan: Could be something. Ava: [chuckles] He could fix it up, sell it. Yeah. It'd be a $20 profit. [sighs] Raylan: Okay. The reason I'm here ... Dewey's out of prison. He's gonna come and see Boyd. I want you to keep an eye on him. Ava: Fine. Is that all? Raylan: That's all. That, and be cool. We're setting up a command post at Arlo's. You need anything, I'm that close. Boyd: Hey! Where the hell is everybody? Carl: Yeah. Back here. Boyd: Well, what's going on? Earl and the Pig went to eat. Boyd: They did what?! They said they'd be quick. Boyd: Well, call them and tell them to get back here ... and to bring me something. I'm so hungry, I could eat the ass out of a low-flying duck. Why you still standing there like that? Carl: Found him outside, grabbed him up. Dewey: It's good to see you again, Boyd. I was hoping we could talk. Hey! Boyd: Frisk him. Dewey: Boyd! I come in peace. [Dewey thuds] He's clean. Boyd: How did you get here? Dewey: What do you mean? Boyd: How did you get here? Dewey: I-I walked. Boyd: From prison? Dewey: The pancake house. I left the pen yesterday by bus. I-I came partway in, and then I hot-wired a car. Boyd: What kind of car? Dewey: I don't know. The one with the horse. Toyota? Boyd: Ford Mustang. You lying to me. I ain't lying. Boyd: Cassette player or CD? Dewey: Cassette. Boyd: Any of them lying around? Dewey: ARS live, man, "Champagne jam." Boyd: I love that record. Dewey: Me, too. W-why you asking all these questions, Boyd? I-I know I didn't l-leave you on good terms. Boyd: That is correct. Robbing me at gunpoint was not on good terms. Dewey: Yeah, and I'm sorry about that, Boyd. I'm real sorry. But... I found this. This is the only link I have with family, Boyd. I gave it to someone special, and the bitch lost it. But now it's found. That's a powerful sign, Boyd. My turtle dog come back to me, and I come back to you. See? Now, I gotta talk to you about something. Only thing that matters is what I... want to talk about, Dewey. Now, I want to know exactly why you're not sitting in a prison cell as we speak. I was there, Dewey. I heard you say you killed Wade Messer. Now, all of a sudden, you're here, sitting in my bar. Dewey: They can't touch a hair on Dewey Crowe's head, else it's harassment, on account of the civil suit that I won against the federals, particularly Raylan Givens. Boyd: Well, what do you want? Dewey: I just want back in, Boyd. I just want you to trust me again. Carl. Carl: Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] [birds chirping] [gearshift clicks] Tim: Tow truck? Tow truck. Tim: Wasn't Crowder involved running drugs in a tow truck? Raylan: Like hot rod Dunham before him. Tim: Well, if he's still in the drug-running business, might explain this. That's Cyrus Boone, known dealer in Harlan. I got those about... 36 hours ago. Raylan: Maybe we should pay Cyrus a visit. Tim: This a friend of yours? [music] Raylan: Never seen him before in my life. Walker: Hey! Good morning! Raylan: Where you from? Walker: Maryland. Raylan: Way it works hereabouts, a man comes onto another man's land with no seeming purpose, that man might be taken as a trespasser, might get himself shot. Walker: Just assessing the land, devising a number, unless I misread the sign on the road ... "for sale by owner." You are the owner? Raylan: De facto. Walker: You might want to reconsider before threatening a potential buyer. House has been on the market for some time. Is that because you can't let it go or because it's stuck in a bad market? You don't strike me as the sentimental type. I'm gonna go with bad market. But I am prepared to pay your full asking price in cash... today. Raylan: And by "today," you mean "immediately." Walker: Indeed. [briefcase clicks] Raylan: Forgive me if I ain't the run-of-the-mill tater tot whose eyes go all pinwheels at a stack of stolen money. Walker: Stolen? I am offended, sir. Raylan: You don't even want to come up and see the house. I can see it fine from here. But it does have... uh, curb appeal, my daddy pretty much having let it go to ruin, but it does have history. My kin moved to this land from Miller's Creek in 1903. A lot of them gave their lives to hold on to it, a couple of them buried right up there by the house. Walker: I stand corrected. You are the sentimental type. Alas, all things must pass. What do you say, friend? Isn't it time to sell? Raylan: It is time to sell, but not to you. Walker: You have second thoughts, you'll have no trouble finding me. Raylan: You have no idea. [car door opens and closes] [engine turns over] Tim: What's the call on Cyrus? [knock on door] [dog barking in distance] Cyrus: [groans] Crackpot: Yo, man. You hook me up? Cyrus: Damn, Crackpot. What, you on the fast train? I just saw you yesterday! Crackpot: So? Cyrus: "So?" So, if you're O.D., it's gonna be your own goddamn fault. You hear me? Don't be goose-necking in here. Come on. [door hinges creak] [scoffs] Tim: You understand? Cyrus: sh1t. Yeah. Yeah. I understand. I'm cool! [music] [door closes] [shovel clangs] Raylan: Halt! U.S. Marshals. Boyd: What? No Cyrus. Boyd: What does that mean? He was abducted by aliens? Carl: He wasn't answering his phone. Earl just got back. The house is empty. I don't like it, Boyd. What are we doing? Are we really doing this thing? Boyd: Yeah. Carl: Why? Boyd: Because. Any more questions? Carl: Yeah. How we gonna get away with this with the feds up our ass? We needed Cyrus. Dewey: 8 ball, side pocket. Boyd: You want back in? I got a job that needs doing. Dewey: Anything you say, Boyd... anything. Hell, yeah. Raylan: See that? Good things happen to those who wait for stupid. Tim: I believe that was in the Sermon on the mount. Raylan: We get Dewey transporting, we get our leverage back. Tim: He tells a judge about Crowder-on-Crowder crime. Raylan: You want to follow Crowder or Crowe? Tim: [sighs] Your call. Raylan: Let's go after Dewey. [music] You know, he once told me he worked at Disney World dressed as Goofy ... in a water-skiing show. Tim: Well, some guys just peak too early. [music] [brakes squeal] [engine sputters] Dewey: sh1t, sh1t, sh1t, sh1t. [gearshift clicks] [music] [brakes squeal] Raylan: Want to hang back, let KSP do their thing? Tim: Yeah. Why not? Dewey: How you doing there? Laplante: Do you mind steppin' out of your vehicle? Dewey: I do. Laplante: We need to search your vehicle. Dewey: What, this vehicle? Laplante: License and registration, please. Dewey: Not today, friend. Laplante: What? Dewey: Oh, they didn't tell you who I am? I am Dewey goddamn Crowe, and I'm gonna keep on driving Sso I can save the state of Kentucky and the government of the United States of America another $300,000 for harassment, "nelgigence," and general "mal-fee-essence." So, have a nice day and kiss my ass. Tim: sh1t. [engine revs] [gunshots] [tires screech] [horn blaring] [music] [tires screeching] [crashing] [music stops playing] [birds squawking] Raylan: You all right, Dewey? Dewey: Raylan? Tim: 1,000 feet? Raylan: I'm pretty sure that's just a figure of speech. Are you okay? Dewey: I'm fine. Raylan: Good. Now get your ass out of that truck. Dewey: No. You can't touch me. I'm teflon. [trunk opens] Raylan: I'll only ask once. I'm gonna help you out of your vehicle. You understand? Dewey: What I understand is my constitutional ... Ohh! Ohh! Ohh, you broke my jaw! Goddamn! You broke my jaw! What'd you have to do that for?! Tim: What's in the bag? Dewey: What bag? Tim: That bag, dipshit. Dewey: I've never seen that bag before in my life. Raylan: Dewey, you're in a world of sh1t. First, you're facing extradition to Mexico. Second ... Tim: Second, whatever we find in this bag, that's on you. Raylan: If we find drugs in that bag, what do we call that? Tim: Transportation and distribution of illegal substances. Raylan: That don't look good on a r sum . Tim: No it does not. [sirens wailing] Raylan: How many years would he be in for that? Tim: Well, he's not a first-time offender. Raylan: No. Tim: It's got to be at least 7 to 10. Raylan: Depends on the judge. Could be more. Tim: Uh-huh. [tires screech] Maybe just let KSP handle this. Tim: Maybe. Raylan: Dewey, you think Boyd gives a sh1t about you? Dewey: Boyd gives a big sh1t about me. Raylan: Open the bag. Dewey: I heard you the first time. Where is it? Tim: Where is what? Dewey: I don't know, but whatever it is, it ain't here. Raylan: [inhales sharply] Which bank did you say you saw Boyd in? Tim: First River. Boyd: Let's do this. [engine revs] [tires squeal] [music] [brakes squeal] [gun cocks] Carl: Lick the floor! [gun cocks] I said now! [gunshot] [all scream] I said down! That means you, too, Dolly Parton. [gasps] [whimpering] Please... Carl: All right, everybody, keep your head down and your mouth shut! This will all be over in a minute! Nobody gets hurt! The Pig: Got it? Boyd: Got it. Let's do it. [static hisses] [walkie-talkie chirps] [tires screech] [tires squeal] [indistinct conversations] [brakes squeal] [vehicle doors open] [police radio chatter] Tim: Yeah, let's follow Dewey. Yeah. Good call, Gutterson. [insects chirping] Ava: You reached out. Here I am. See? I can listen. Raylan: Why just the security-deposit boxes? Ava: What's that, a riddle? Come on, Raylan. It's late, and I'm cold. Was it Boyd's idea to send me after the truck, or was that you? Ava: I don't ... I don't know what we're talking about. We're talking about the bank job Boyd pulled off this afternoon. Ava: First I heard of it. That's gonna be your line? Ava: It's the truth. If it ain't, you're going back to prison. Worse, you'll be a suspect. Ava: Suspect? Worse, you'll be a suspect. Ava: Suspect? Raylan: Yeah. Criminal co-conspirator. You'll be looking at Boyd's charges, plus a few of your own. If someone gets killed, that's on you, too. Ava: Jesus, Raylan, I'm not lying. I'm prone to believe you. The problem is, if you didn't know about it, then you're of no use to us, in which case, you're going back to prison. You understand your dilemma? Ava: [exhales sharply] Ava, am I being clear? Ava: Yes, Raylan, crystal clear! I'm just having a nervous collapse here, is all. Raylan: You don't have that luxury. You need to pull yourself together and do the job. Ava: So, I should just start asking probing questions like I'm curious, like ... like it ain't about anything particular? Hell, I was in "Brigadoon" in seventh grade. [chuckles] I guess I can act. Ava, I know you. Ava: [sighs] You knew me then. What do you know now? Raylan: Then, now ... it's the same. It's the same. You remember the day I came back to Harlan? Ava: Hardly. I recall it well. You opened your screen door, kissed me, and invited me in, then showed me a bloodstain on your dining-room carpet. Ava: Bowman. Christ, that was a long time ago. Raylan: You recall the days leading up to it? Ava: [sighs] It was clear to me. I knew I would shoot him. I'd had enough. And I just had to see it through. Raylan: You made him dinner, a whole spread ... his favorites, if I recall. Ava: He was delighted. Raylan: He had no sense of your intention. Ava: He never saw it coming... because he believed me... [gasps] because I acted like everything was the way it always was. Raylan: Because he had never suspected otherwise. Ava: No, he did not. Raylan: See? I know you, Ava. I know you can do this. So you damn well better. [tapping on metal] Boyd: [grunts] [crowbar clangs] Carl: What the hell, Boyd? What is this? Paperwork? Goddamn notebook? Boyd: Looks like a ledger, some deeds. The Pig: We got the wrong box. No, we got the right box. Carl: This isn't money. Where's all the money?! [sighs] [scoffs] Art: Well, you're lucky. Leslie's not supposed to let people in here that might upset me. Raylan: Sorry. I should have come a week ago. Art: Me who's sorry. All this sh1t. [glasses thud] Slipping in my old age. Raylan: He didn't get you 'cause you're slipping, Art. I brought you something. Art: [chuckles] I don't suppose that's doctor recommend. Raylan: Civil war doctor, maybe. You want to abstain, I'll drink in your honor. Art: Just waft the fumes in my direction. Raylan: To your speedy recovery. Art: So, how's it going? Willa has been baptized a catholic. [liquid pours] Art: Mm. That grandma's idea? Raylan: She fears for her immortal soul. Art: Well, do you blame her? Kid's got half your DNA. How's work? Raylan: Going after Boyd Crowder ... at a snail's pace, I might add, so not to spook him. Art: That explains why you haven't scooted down to see your papist daughter. Raylan: Big deal now ... RICO case, all eyes watching. Got to be neat and tidy, by the book. Art: Not how you'd like it done. Doubt that's how we'll get him. Art: Your C.I. in the Crowder camp isn't some help? Yeah. I know more than I let on. And, no, I would not have green-lit Ava Crowder as said C.I., nor you as her handler. But I'm not in charge at the moment, may not be again, don't know why I'm even interested, except out of sheer damn boredom. Cheers. Art: Well, I know you didn't come here just to check on my condition and jeopardize my convalescence with some high-class bourbon. Raylan: Remind me why I'm gonna be patient. Art: Not back him into a corner and force him to draw? Plug him face-to-face. Art: Get'r done quick. Plug him face-to-face. Art: Get'r done quick. Save us all a big headache. Make the world a better place for a little while. Yeah, you could kill Boyd, then you'd be headed down to Florida without a star and a gun. And you might be seeing your daughter through the glass on visitation days at the penitentiary. Or, Raylan, there's another way it goes, where you try and you fail and the bullet finds you. Raylan: Unlikely. Art: I know you think so, but if you'll allow me ... you get to be my age, do the job as long as you do... sometimes it just doesn't go your way. Dewey: Y-you tell him I got to see him! Carl: All right. Dewey: You tell him it's Dewey Crowe! Carl: All right! [clears throat] It's Dewey Crowe. Dewey: What the hell, Boyd?! Boyd: What the hell, what? Dewey: You set me up! Boyd: How you figure that? Dewey: The staties and the feds were waiting for me. They knew I was coming before they even saw me. Boyd: You said you wanted back in, so I gave you a job. You told me what was in that bag was important! Boyd: I told you that the job was important. Dewey: What, carrying your underpants? Boyd: Well, it hadn't have been underpants, your sorry ass would be sitting in jail right now. What in the hell happened to your face? Dewey: Raylan broke my jaw. Why? Dewey: I don't know why! But I'm ... I'm tired of it! [breathing heavily] I'm tired of it. You my friend, Boyd? Yeah, I'm your friend. Dewey: I got to talk to you, Boyd... about ... [inhales deeply] Mexico, and I-I... and I-I-I don't know. I just ... I'm tired. [sighs] Boyd: What do you want, Dewey? Dewey: [voice breaking] I want to go back. I want it to be like it used to be at the church, when we was Crowder's commandos. You, me, and Devil. Dewey: Yes! And the Pork brothers, giving me no end of sh1t. [chuckles] The music cranked so loud that we almost blew the roof off that old church. Boyd: [chuckles] Dewey: Bombing around in my Cadillac and making war plans and drinking 'shine. Why can't it be like that again, Boyd? Boyd: Those were simple days, good days. Weren't they? They were good days. They were. [exhales sharply] Boyd: Carl, go out front and pour me and Dewey a couple glasses, would you? Come on over here. Have a seat. Dewey, I'm gonna tell you something in confidence. It's all coming to an end. Dewey: What do you mean? Boyd: Well, look around you. Whatever it was we was hoping for ... those days have long since passed. Now, I ... I ain't saying I'm giving up, but I am saying I never thought that it would be this hard. It seems like maybe those good days are gone forever. Dewey: I don't know, man. I feel like ... I feel like we can make it like it was before. Boyd: Hmm. I want to show you something. You see that man right there? That's my Granddaddy. Fella next to him is my Great Uncle, with all their Union brothers. Now, Harlan county was a boomtown then. Those men saw hard, bitter times, Dewey Crowe, but they also saw a future. Now, you look closely, you can see it in their eyes. Go on. Take a look. Dewey: [sniffles] Can't even see their eyes. [gunshot, body thuds] Carl: Boyd! [footsteps approach] Whew. You, uh, think he was a ... a rat for the federals? Boyd: I think I couldn't trust him anymore. Now, they'll follow me, no doubt, but you be sure. You wait 20 minutes after I leave. Then you roll him up in a carpet, and you make him disappear. [dog barking in distance] [music]

Raylan remains separated from his infant daughter so he can work on the RICO case against Boyd Crowder, abducting crooked Federale Agular from Mexico where he is compelled to say that Dewey Crowe was a witness to Boyd's murder of Johnny and the others. Dewey has just been released from jail on a bad confession and a record of harassment from Raylan, who despite a petition to keep a thousand feet away attempts to coerce Dewey into turning on Boyd. Dewey claims ignorance and wanders Harlan until circumstances cause him to return to Boyd, apologizing and asking Boyd to trust him and bring him back in. When Raylan busts drug dealer Cyrus who had recently met with Boyd, Boyd employs Dewey to drive a truck (apparently using Hot Rod Dunham's old trick of towing a car with a bag of drugs in the trunk). Raylan decides to pull surveillance off Boyd to follow Dewey, who gets scared at a state police roadblock and drives off the road, Raylan realizing too late that Dewey was a decoy. Boyd uses the opportunity to rob the safety deposit boxes of a bank he'd cased earlier, but his crew are frustrated to find that the boxes do not contain cash as promised but a ledger and deeds. Raylan pressures a scared Ava to fulfill her obligations as an informant and produce actionable information on Boyd or be returned to prison. Ty Walker earns Raylan's suspicion by offering a suitcase of cash for Arlo's old house and farmland. At the end of the episode, Dewey reminisces with Boyd about Crowder's Commandos saying it was the happiest time of his life, but Boyd believes there's no future left in Harlan and those days are behind them. Boyd kills Dewey, saying that he couldn't trust Dewey any more, then in the final scene is shown contemplating a sleeping Ava.

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CRU - Tina's room Rusty : How about a movie? Tina : We could watch a movie here. Rusty : You don't have a TV. Tina : Right. Rusty : We can go to dinner? Tina : I had a late lunch. Rusty : Let's take a walk? Tina : I'm trying to cut back. You know, Emma won't be back for a couple of hours. We don't have to go anywhere. Rusty : It's not about have to. I thought you might want... Tina : Nope. CRU - Street Beaver : We got enough for some bread, peanut butter, maybe a couple bags of Cheesaritos, and three cases of Sandusky. Cappie : That's all? We should raise our dues. Beaver : There might be change under the TV room couch but Gonzo and his girlfriend slept there... Cappie : Say no more. We'll leave it for future generations. Rusty : Hey guys, wait up! Sorry I'm late. Ben Bennett : Thought you weren't going to make it because your date. Rusty : My "date" took less time then I'd planned. Cappie : A lover's spat? Rusty : Well, that'd require talking. 'Cause all Tina and I do is, You know... Cappie : If you can't say it, you really should not be doing it. Rusty : s*x. Cappie : Usually guys are a lot happier in these situations, Spittoon. Rusty : It's not that I don't like it, it's just... it's weird. I guess she's my girlfriend, but I don't even know her middle name. Or her last name. Ben Bennett : If you don't talk, is she technically a girlfriend? Rusty : What else would she be? Pickle : More like a friend with benefits? Cappie : No, no. No, "friends with bennies" talk. The girl talks, usually complaining about other guys. Ben Bennett : Which makes Rusty a booty call. Beaver : That's only if she calls him for late night drunk s*x. Cappie : Gentlemen. Gentlemen, Spitter is none of the above. He is, instead, the embodiment of every man's dream. You, my very lucky little friend, are now officially a Fff... What you fun... Buddy. Fun buddy. [SCENE_BREAK] Evan : Hey, make sure we got one more case of vodka. Calvin: You bet. Cappie : Loading up on wine coolers for your American Girl spring fashion party? Evan : We're celebrating the end of Dean Bowman's restrictions, and since I was the one who made it possible, we're throwing a six-way tomorrow night. All the best houses on campus. We seem to have lost your invitation. All right, guys, load up. Cappie : You used my argument. And it was my argument that got the restrictions lifted. Evan : Right, unfortunately, that's too long-winded to fit on the invitation you're not getting, so... Cappie : Well, you all know what this means! Beaver : We should rush a rich kid next year? Cappie : Two houses will enter the ring only one will survive. Beaver : Cap, it takes weeks of careful planning to create chaos. There's not enough time. Rusty : Not to mention money. Cappie : It doesn't matter. A great party's not about money, it's about a vision. It's about faith. ZBZ HOUSE - Bathroom Ashleigh : How do you spell "brunette"? Casey : "B-R-O-W-N." Ashleigh : Genius. My thumbs say thank you. Casey : What are you doing? Ashleigh : Dating is a numbers game, so I'm making hot guy folders in my address book before the Omega Chi party tomorrow night. Casey : And since we no longer have to deal with 11:00 PM curfews or noise limits... Ashleigh : The time is ripe to meet a ton of hot guys, get their phone numbers, and organize them, then pick a winner. Gimme your phone. Casey : No, thanks. My hot-guy targeting skills suck lately. Jail bait Jonah, Shun-me Shane... Ashleigh : So, what? You're just gonna spend the evening making small talk with your new "just-a-buddy" Evan? Casey : No, I'm totally going after guys tomorrow tonight, but I decided to let the universe work for me. According to the book I'm reading, that's The Secret to getting what you want. You focus, send out positive energy... and the guys will come to you. Ashleigh : If you say so. I'm sticking with the tried and true. Casey : And I'm going to think about what would make me happy. Rebecca : We ran out of hot water! Credits ZBZ HOUSE - Meeting room Casey : You'll be happy to know that the water heater will be fixed later this afternoon, Which leads us to tonight's six-way at the Omega Chi house. We still need two Sober Sisters to stay in and make sure the rest of us get back home safely. And Betsy, I was kind of hoping that you'd volunteer considering how much "fun" you've had at past events. Betsy : And Miss the first party without restrictions, are you kidding? Just get some of the pledges to do it. Casey : Are there any pledges not planning on going to the Omega Chi house? Rebecca : We're not. Casey : Really? That's so great. You and another sister... Mandy : We're going to the Kappa Tau party. Casey : The Kappa Taus are having a party tonight? Rebecca : They are, they're the only ones who risked having parties with us when no one else would, I think we Zetas Betas should go to their house as a sign of solidarity. Casey : Well, while we can all applaud the Kts for making a stand, a sloppy drunken one to be sure, we did officially accept the Omega Chi invitation, so... Rebecca : Case, I'm a little confused. That doesn't mean there's a rule that we all have to go, does it? Frannie : I'll get it. Casey : No, of course not, it's just that perhaps we should schedule another function with the Kts. Like... putt-putt. Rebecca : Putt-putt? Casey : On! Tuesday night, three weeks from now. Yay! Meeting adjourned. Frannie : It's your little brother. Should I tell him you'll talk to him later? Casey : No, now is perfect. What's going on? Rusty : I'm having trouble with a girl. Casey : Really. What's the problem? Rusty : s*x. [SCENE_BREAK] Rusty : Come on, Casey, This is a bad idea. Casey : And talking to your sister about s*x isn't? Rusty : I'm desperate. I need the female point of view. Ashleigh : I'm a female. Casey : If it gets too weird, you have my permission to leave. Ashleigh : Happy to help. So, you're wondering if it's too soon to get intimate? Rusty : What? No. Tina and I are way past that. Ashleigh : Wait... you no longer like her? Rusty : Honestly, I don't really even know her. Tina and I are fun buddies. Ashleigh : You're not here to brag, are you? That would just be weird. Rusty : What I am is just really confused. What if I'm using her? Do girls do stuff like this? Ashleigh : It can be emotionally taxing to have uncommitted s*x, so once in a while, have a truthful talk with yourself. Rusty : Did you just make that up? Ashleigh : April 2005, Cosmopolitan Magazine, American Edition, author Ian Kerner, noted sexologist. I've read every issue from cover to cover since I was nine. Rusty : That's impressive. Ashleigh : So, do you both want the same thing? Rusty : Well, Tina seems to really want this, and, the s*x is great. Ashleigh : No bragging, remember? Rusty : But... something's missing. It was different with Jen. Ashleigh : Girls can enjoy this kind of a relationship just as much as guys. But the real question isn't just what Tina wants. It's what you want, too. KT HOUSE - Livinf room Heath : Maybe it's just me, but, selling blood for beer doesn't seem like a good idea. Cappie : Are you kidding, we have three kegs. Heath : And low blood sugar. Cappie : Which only means we'll get drunk faster. I think of that as a "win-win." Heath : It's not going to make any difference anyway, I mean, three kegs, it's not gonna get us past the pre-party. Cappie : Which is why we scheduled entertainment. Beaver, how's the Jell-O wrestling coming? Beaver : One of the Jell-O wrestlers turned out to be allergic to gelatin, which means we're left with 87 boxes of strawberry powder and 18 cans of mandarin oranges. Ben Bennett : There's always the other wrestler. Cappie : Two is art, one is just weird. Beaver : It's not too late to call this off, Cap. Cappie : Never. Ben Bennett, I'm putting ou in charge of the Jell-O shots. Ben Bennett : But, we're out of vodka. Cappie : Well, just use water. Ben Bennett : You can make Jell-O with just water? Cappie : I don't know. Experiment and hope for the placebo effect. Just the Cartwright I'm looking for. Rusty : I'm all yours, Cap, as soon as I get back from the dorms. I have to tell Tina I can not see her anymore. It's her. Cappie : I can't let you do that. Rusty : Cappie, I know you think I'm crazy, but I have to get out of this. It might be everyone's dream, but it's not mine, and not doing anything is just making me all... itchy. Cappie : Relationships you end in person. s*x friends you let fade away. If you treat casual sexcapades, which is what you and Tina have, like a relationship, you're just gonna end up making both parties feel embarrassed and awkward. Rusty : But I can't just ignore her. Cappie : That's exactly what you do. You let her call a few times, you ignore the calls, she'll eventually realize that you're a scumbag, and she'll, you know, move on to somebody better. Rusty : Wait. Now I'm a scumbag? Cappie : But a scumbag with dignity. But never fear, redemption is at hand. Ice. Rusty : Ice? Cappie : We need three bags. You might find some change if you fish under the couch pillows. What the...? ZBZ HOUSE - Hallway Frannie : Casey, can I talk to you for a sec? Casey : Sure. Frannie : It's just a little free advice. Casey : Frannie, you know you can always speak your mind. You were a great president. Well, mostly great. Frannie : Tonight's party isn't just about having a good time, it's about not disrupting our very delicate relationship with the Omega Chis, which would be seriously undermined if Rebecca and her pledge sisters went somewhere else. If you allow even a tiny... Casey : Hold on. Rebecca, Mandi? Remember, Sober Sisters help any Zeta Beta in need. And don't eat the ice cream on the left side of the freezer. That's for me when I get back. Rebecca : Night, Sisters. Casey : I'm sorry. You were saying? Frannie : I was saying, Bravo. Ashleigh : Let's go! Let's go! OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Party Calvin : I think this might've been a mistake. Evan : What was? Calvin : Inviting Michael on our first date to a fraternity party filled with hot guys. Evan : I don't think you have anything to worry about. Calvin : But I do. Frannie : It looks like all the Pledges made it to the right party. Casey : Imagine that. Evan : Ladies. Just to let you know, we have two fully stocked bars, the dance floor is filling up, and if anything goes wrong, please, don't bother telling me, because I'm going to be busy having a good time. Frannie : I'll drink to that. Excuse me, girls. I think there's a margarita with my name on it. Casey : So, you're having a good time? Evan : Yeah, so far. Casey : Good. Because I want you to have a good time. I mean, I want us both to have a good time. Evan : It's a party. Man : Hey, no cuts! OK? What'd I tell you about cutting in line? Captain Cuts-A-Lot. Evan : Excuse me. Man : What's your deal? Casey : Positivity initialized with the ex. Positive energy going out to the rest of the party. Casey & Ashleigh : Hi. Ashleigh : Ryan Prince. The cutest sweetest, smartest, pre-medest... Casey : Most unavailable guy here. Ashleigh : Yeah. Maybe you can send positive energy his way, and then send negative energy toward his skanky Tri-Pi girlfriend. Casey : Unfortunately, I don't think The Secret works that way. Ashleigh : Then I'll stick to the traditional approach. Casey : Thinking happy thoughts. Ashleigh : See you around, Sister. [SCENE_BREAK] Evan : Calvin! Can I talk to you for a sec? Starting now, you're off pledge duties. I want you to keep an eye on Casey tonight. Calvin : Excuse me? Evan : OK, let me rephrase. Can you keep guys away from Casey, as quietly as possible, tonight? Calvin : I know you still have a thing for her, but... Evan : Why do you think I'm doing this? Parties the perfect way to reconnect. There's drinking, dancing, darkness and just enough time for things to happen naturally. If I make a move too fast, it'll freak Casey out. I need you to keep the field clear for a little while. Calvin : This doesn't sound like a good idea. Evan : I'm not asking as a friend, I'm asking you as your big brother. Calvin : I'll do what I can. Evan : All right. KT HOUSE - Party Cappie : Stop here. Stop here. Stop here! Not stopping here. Beaver : I bet people are just being fashionably late. Cappie : More party goers! Everyone, look alive! Beaver : How many? Heath : Fourteen. Beaver : Ben Bennett said he put in placebos, but I'm not feeling it. Heath : Me neither. Maybe we should go faster? Beaver : Good thinking. Rusty : How long until I become a scumbag? Cappie : Give it time, Spitter. Rusty : It's a good party, though? Cappie : This is not a party, this is a get-together. Pretty soon, someone's gonna bust out a deck of cards and suggest that we play a rousing game of Pinochle. Ben Bennett : Hey Cappie, we're almost out of beer. Cappie : OK, think. We need beer. We need girls. We need girls who can't hold much beer. Dorm girls. We need dorm girls. Hoover, Stork, dorm sweep. Let's go. Beaver : You know, your phone's ringing. Rusty : It's Tina. I want to tell her I can't do this anymore, but Cappie told me not to do anything. Beaver : Gave me the same advice when I was seeing this Tri-Pi. Rusty : Realy? What happened? Beaver : She set my car on fire. Rusty : I don't have a car. Beaver : You got nothing to worry about. You know, you can break up with a fun buddy over the phone. Rusty : Yeah, you see, I'm not exactly that good over the phone. Beaver : You just need some practice. Wait. You be you, I'll be Tina. Rusty : All right. Beaver : Rusty, I'm waiting. Rusty : All Ring. Ring. Ring. Beaver : Hello, who is this? Rusty : All Hey, it's Rusty. Beaver : Rusty who? Just kidding. So, are we gonna get together later? I'm so lonely and you're so good, especially when you do that thing with, you know... Rusty : I don't think we should do this anymore, Tina. Beaver : So that's it? You get me to sleep with you, then you treat me like dirt. Like I'm some piece of meat? Rusty : No... I just feel. Beaver : You are such a pig! I hope you burn in hell, Rusty Cartwright! I hate you! And I'll hate you forever! I think you need more practice. Jell-O shot? OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Party Man : No way, I had Allesandri last semester, too. Casey : So who'd you do the mid-term heroes project with? Man : That part really blew. So, at the last second, the TA tells me I have to write it by myself because of some new guy that showed up. Casey : Weird. Calvin : I'm sorry, man. Here, let me help you with that. Man 1 : Dude, dude, dude. I got it, thanks. I'll be right back. Casey : OK. You go get cleaned up. Calvin : I'll show him where the kitchen is. Sorry, Casey. [SCENE_BREAK] Man 2 : Hey. Man 3 : What's up, Ryan? Casey : Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts. Lamda Sig guy : Hey, Casey! Casey! Casey : Hey. [SCENE_BREAK] Calvin : Hey, you're late. I was worried. Michael : I was grading papers. Calvin : On a Saturday night? Michael : Now I finally understand why you like it here. You're like a moose shy of an Abercrombie ad. Calvin : No mocking, remember? Michael : I'm kidding. I just... I don't have a lot in common with a bunch of fraternity guys. Calvin : I'm a fraternity guy. Michael : You're a fraternity guy interested in me. It's different. Calvin : Damn. Hey, why don't you go get a drink? Be right back. [SCENE_BREAK] Casey : I didn't know there was so much to fantasy baseball. Lamda Sig guy : Yeah, it's complicated, more complicated than managing a real team. I spend most weekends researching triple A shortstops, home/away splits, Obps... Calvin : Omega Chi/Lambda Sig boat race. Lamda Sig guy : But I was just... Calvin : Gonna chicken out? Lamda Sig guy : No way, man. I'm totally in. Calvin : No way! Great party? [SCENE_BREAK] Man : All right, let's go. Lamda Sig guy : Go! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael : Merlot, please? Omega chi guy : You know this is a fraternity party. Evan : Michel? Michael : You're... Glad you could make it. Evan : Evan Chambers, Freshman year, French 101. You were my TA. Michael : Yeah, of course. Evan : You don't remember me? Michael : I'm sorry, not at all. Evan : All right. That's all right. I'm Calvin's big brother, and just so you know, I'm OK with it. Michael : With what? Evan : My B minus. French wasn't my thing. Man : Michel, dude! [SCENE_BREAK] Casey : The universe has unreliable taste in men. How's your approach working? Ashleigh : Six guys'phone numbers, wow. And I even made out with one of them. Man : Hey! There you are! Ashleigh : I can't remember which one. A blonde guy, I think. Casey : To tell you the truth, this whole "happy thoughts" thing... Might be working. Ryan : Casey ? Casey : Where's... Kaitlin? Ryan : We broke up. Ashleigh : Yay universe. ZBZ HOUSE - Living room Rebecca : Tonight sucks, and I for one, am not going to trade in one set of restrictions for another. Mandy : But we're pledges. Rebecca : As the daughter of a politician, let me tell you, it is better to beg forgiveness than ask permission. Mandy : Wait. What are you doing? Rebecca : I'm going upstairs to slip on some party clothes... after I tell our pledge sisters to meet us at Kappa Tau. Are you coming? KT HOUSE - Party Rusty's answerphone : Tina here, again. Call me back when you have a chance. Talk to you soon. Bye. Heath : The kegs are floated, man. What are we gonna do now? Cappie : As black clouds portend a deathly storm, we are but simple sailors on a single mission, to save that which we hold most dear. Beaver : I think I speak for everyone here. What are you talking about? Cappie : We have no money, no money means no alcohol, no alcohol, no party. But, I have a plan. Rusty : To make money? Cappie : To steal the alcohol and the party. Fellow adventurers, it's time for us to implement... The douchebag... bag. Beaver : I like it. OMEGA CHI - Party Cappie : Good Lord. It's like we died and went to Gossip Girl. Rusty : I gotta go to the bathroom. Cappie : Didn't I tell everyone to go before we left? Pee quickly. [SCENE_BREAK] Casey : That must've been hard. You and Kaitlin were together for so long. Ryan : Too long. I know this may sound cheesy, but I think every relationship has a lifespan. Once it's over, you can't bring it back. Casey : It's not cheesy. But it's still hard to let go. Ryan : Same for you and Chambers? Casey : Yeah, it's more... the story of my life. It's hard to let go of old relationships. Ryan : For us, things just got worse, and before I knew it, the fat lady was belting out an aria. Casey : I didn't know Kaitlin could sing. Ryan : Remind me not to get on your bad side. Casey : It's very small. I promise. Calvin : That was pretty funny. Kaitlin sing... Casey : Calvin, I'm seeing more of you tonight than I have... ever. Calvin : It's just so nice to catch up. Casey : Would it be possible to get me a drink? A beer? Calvin : Two, please. Light! Casey : What's going on? You've been buzzing around me all night. Calvin : You know, I think we don't get to... sort of, you know... You're stealing the mens for yourself. That ain't fair, girlfriend. [SCENE_BREAK] Calvin : I'm out. You're on your own. [SCENE_BREAK] Casey : I think your little brother might have just lost it. Evan : I think he's a little nervous tonight. First visit to the house with a date. But, I'll talk with him. Are you having a good time? Casey : Actually I'm having a great time. How about you? Evan : Almost too busy to notice. When things kinda calm down, you wanna have a dance? Friendly, you know. Casey : Sure. I'd love to... dance. Evan : That's it. Casey : I'm this way. [SCENE_BREAK] Calvin : I'm sorry about earlier. It's kind of hard to explain. Michael : You don't have to. Who's gonna start the bus? Calvin : You know. If you're not comfortable being here, we can always leave. Michael : You made it through the gay and lesbian film night at the Titan, I think I can get through this. Maybe I need another drink. I'll have a... Man : Sorry, we're out... of everything. Pickle : Refills? [SCENE_BREAK] Casey : What are you doing here? Cappie : I just came to buy you a drink. Casey : One's already on order. Cappie : While we're waiting, I was wondering why no one from your house is at the KT party tonight. Casey : For one, the Omega Chis sent us an invitation three days ago. Cappie : We would've, but Beaver couldn't find his crayons. Casey : Not to mention you threw yours together at the last second. Cappie : Didn't seem to be a problem when you wanted us to help you with the Gatsby party. Where were the Omega Chis then? Casey : We made our peace with the Omega Chis, Sorry if we seem like fair weather friends, but I'm sure we can work something out with the Kts, maybe in three weeks, bring your golf clubs. Cappie : Sounds great, as long as you don't make Rebecca a Sober Sister that night, too. Casey : This has nothing to do with you and Rebecca. It's... about your problem with Evan, which I can't do anything about. Don't put me in the middle of your feud. Cappie : Feud? What feud? [SCENE_BREAK] Girl : I need to pee. Rusty : The line starts down the hall. Girl : I need to pee now. Man : Hey, no cuts! Girl : I have a bladder infection! What's your name? Rusty : Rusty. Girl : Your phone's ringing, Rusty. Rusty : This girl I need to break up with. Girl : I love break-ups. What is she? Relationship, casual date, random hook-up, booty call? Rusty : She's a fun buddy. Girl : That's an easy one, send her an e-mail. It's quick, to the point, personal without being too personal, easily deleted. Rusty : Really? Girl : Really. Rusty : Thank you. Cappie : Be right back. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan : That's so funny. I was actually worried about talking with you. Casey : Why? Ryan : We've both always been in relationships, this may sound a little stalkerish but even when I was dating Kaitlin, I... I always wondered what it'd be like to date you. Casey : And. After so much pressure you didn't want to ruin the fantasy if reality didn't measure up. I felt the same way about you. Ryan : It's like a Seurat painting, getting too close is not always a good thing. Casey : But... not tonight? Ryan : Tonight... up close is perfect. [SCENE_BREAK] Calvin : Have you seen Michael? Evan : I haven't seen him for a while. Calvin : You OK? Evan : Yeah, I'm fine. Calvin : I'm sorry if I screwed this up. Evan : It's not your fault. It's mine. Calvin : What're you going to do now? Evan : I'm, I'm gonna get a drink. KT HOUSE - Party Cappie : We have returned! Rebecca ? You look hot. Rebecca : And you look oddly... clean. Cappie : Don't worry, it's only temporary. Can I make you a drink? OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Party Calvin : Hey ! Michael : I guess I'll see you tomorrow? Calvin : I don't know, will you? Michael : You've been avoiding me most of the night. Calvin : Sorry, I've been busy with pledge stuff. But, you've been acting like this is the last place on earth you want to be. I mean, if you're worried about the guys, don't be. They're not homophobic. Michael : Homophobic? I'm not worried about that. Calvin... I'm the oldest guy in this room. Calvin : What are you talking about? Michael : I was in first grade when you were born. When I had my first legal drink, you were still in middle school. And now, I'm in this fraternity party, and... Calvin : With someone who is finally old enough to not care about the differences. Michael : Considering how you ran around all night, you have a weird way of showing it. Calvin : I know it. You know, I planned a much different evening. I was kinda hoping we could talk and drink, and then, I could sneak you off into a quiet corner and... Michael : Discuss my age issues? Calvin : I was thinking something a little more personal. [SCENE_BREAK] Frannie : You look, not so good. Evan : I can assure you, it's nowhere near as bad as I feel. Frannie : How's, Project Reconciliation going? Evan : Thank you. I did my best. Frannie : You tell her how you feel? Evan : I was far more devious than that. I had Calvin keep guys away from her so I could make my move. Frannie : And how's that working out for you? Evan : Not as well as it did the first time. Remember Shane? You know why he stood Casey up after the Mr. Purr-fect contest? 'Cause I paid him to leave her alone. Pretty smart? Frannie : Yeah, brilliant. Evan : I distinctly remember you you telling me to take fate into my own hands. Frannie : Maybe instead of trying to keep all the guys away from one girl, you should find a girl who thinks you're the only guy in the room. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan : Guess it's all about timing. Casey : And the right frame of mind. Ryan : Yes, totally. Steady there. Betsy : I'm Betsy! Casey : Yes you are, and you need to go home. Did you call Rebecca? Betsy : Yes, I tried, and I tried, and I tried. Casey : I'm sorry. Betsy : You go home. I wanna go home. Hey, you're really cute. Do you want some of this? Casey : It's going straight to voicemail. Rebecca must've taken off. Ryan : If you want, I can have some of my pledges walk her home, or... Casey : Thanks, but, I need to take care of this. Betsy : I bet you give really good physicals. Ryan : You want some company? Casey : No, I have to go kill my little sister and I'm not sure I want you seeing that side of me yet. But, I'll be back. Promise. Betsy : There's no more booze in here anyway. Paging Dr. Prince! Paging Dr. Prince! Casey : Rebecca and Mandi went AWOL. Yeah. Come on. Frannie : It looks like fate might be on your side after all. KT HOUSE - Party Rusty : Hi Tina. How are you? I'm fine. Hey Tina, while I've really enjoyed seeing... Thank you for the... [SCENE_BREAK] Rebecca : President Cartwright! You decided to come to Kappa Tau after all! Casey : Just to make a delivery. Sober Sister, this is for you. Rebecca : I'm sorry, I didn't order this. Betsy : I'm not a this, I'm a she. Or a her. I'm a she-her. Casey : Not your choice. You're the Sober Sister, it's your responsibility to take care of the girls in the house and, I need to get back to the party, so... Betsy : I'm not entirely sober, either. Casey : Well, all right, it's only about what's good for the house. And Betsy. Rebecca : And what's good for you, right? Casey : What's good for me right now now is this guy I just met at the Omega Chi party, you screwed that up, too. Rebecca : I'm responsible for messing up your love life? Casey : You've done it before. Rebecca : Please! Cappie : Are you allergic to gelatin? Rebecca : What? Cappie : Nothing. It's just something a lot of us would like to see. Casey : Cappie, would you explain to your girlfriend a pledge is required to do... Cappie : I think this has nothing to do with me, this is your problem with Rebecca, which I can't do anything about. So, don't put me in the middle of your feud. Rebecca : That's not good. Cappie : Clean up on aisle three! CRU - Street Betsy : I'm sorry that I ruined your night. Casey : You didn't ruin my night, Rebecca did. You just helped. But I'm afraid this might be your last party for awhile, Bets. Betsy : I need to lay down now. Ryan : Casey ! I wasn't sure if you were gonna come back to the party. Casey : I'm sorry about tonight, the snarky remark about your ex-girlfriend, the weirdness with Calvin, having to leave... Ryan : Hey. It's OK. I had a wonderful time. Casey : Really? Ryan : Without a doubt. OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Party Frannie : What happened to the alcohol? Evan : Someone stole it. I'm pretty sure it was Cappie. Frannie : And you're not mad? Evan : You know, it's the funny thing about parties, you can't predict how they're gonna turn out. Frannie : Like relationships. Evan : True. But, you know, the difference is, in the end, parties don't matter. ZBZ HOUSE - Kitchen Casey : I think we were both right. Ashleigh : What do you mean? Casey : I think you can wish for things to happen, but ultimately, fate is a numbers game. Even if you're in on The Secret, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you can find your prince. Ashleigh : Well, then that means after tonight, I'm three frogs closer. Casey : Busy night? I'm closer by one. Ashleigh : You kissed Ryan? Oh my God, what was it like? Fireworks? Parades? Disney princess music? Casey : He remained a frog. Ashleigh : So Ryan Prince is a frog? Casey : He tried to catch a fly in my tonsils. Ashleigh : I dated a poker once, the whole time he was trying to, like, Jackhammer out my teeth. Casey : I hate the foamers, the ones with wet mouths? It's like French kissing a St. Bernard. Ashleigh : Or the swashbucklers, back and forth, back and forth. Casey : I don't know why someone doesn't come up with some kissing rules, so when you find the right guy, there's never a surprise. KT HOUSE - Party Heath : If all you wanna do is tell this chick you're not interested, send her a text. Rusty : Really? Heath : Sure. Beaver, help me out, here. Beaver : IJWTS, UR, GR8. Heath : I just want to say you are great. Good one. Beaver : SLJBF. Heath : So let's just be friends. You're officially free. Rusty : I am. I'm free. I feel free. Beaver : Punch? [SCENE_BREAK] Rebecca : I'm still ticked off you didn't back me up with Casey. Cappie : Sure I did. You're still here, aren't you? Rebecca : That's not the point. Someday you have to make a choice, like if Casey and I were drowning, which one of us would you save first? Cappie : Neither, I can't swim. But, Water Wings aside, you know what really bothers me? This. This is still Evan's party. Nice, well-behaved, clean. A Kappa Tau affair is usually screwed up in some sick, depraved way. Rebecca : But it's huge. That's what you wanted, right? Cappie : Size doesn't matter, well, I mean, sometimes it does, but this party it's not right. [SCENE_BREAK] Rusty : That was fast. I don't want to read it. What did she say? Beaver : Rusty, thanks for letting me know. By the way, I have crabs. Cappie : Now this, this is a Kappa Tau party. Good going, Spitter. Now, leave, and don't come back for seven to ten days. Crabs?

Since the party restrictions have now been lifted, Omega Chi and Kappa Tau throw competing parties to celebrate. But the Kappa Taus discover they might not have the funds to put on the kind of party they are known for - will they be able to pull it off? Find out which fraternity party prevails.

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Scene: The cafeteria. Leonard: I was reading about this jellyfish that never dies. Instead, it reverts to its asexual state and then grows up again. Howard: We thought my 90-year-old grandfather had reverted to an asexual state, but the lawsuit from his Jamaican caregiver proved us all wrong. Leonard: My point is, immortality is not only a possibility, it is real. Raj: Only if you're this jellyfish which periodically reverts to a mass of undifferentiated protoplasm. Sheldon: If I could keep my Gmail account, I'd be okay with that. Barry: - Hewwo, fewwas. All: Hey. Barry: Wemember when we were twying to figuwe out what that smell coming fwom Pwofessor Tupperman's office was? Howard: Yeah? Barry: Turns out it was Tupperman. Dead at his desk for two weeks. Howard: That's terrible. Leonard: Oh, my God. Barry: In wieu of fwowers, the department chair is asking that evewyone donate a bottle of Febweze. Sheldon: If we're going to change the topic from jellyfish, I'd be okay with brine shrimp or the history of the unicycle. Howard: Show a little compassion, a man died. Barry: And turned into a puddew of goo. Now, we can either sit awound and cwy over spilt pwofessor, or we can wejoice in the knowwedge that a tenured position has just opened up. I choose to do the watter. Sheldon: Excuse me, the whole tenure system is ridiculous. A guaranteed job for life only encourages the faculty to become complacent. If we really want science to advance, people should have chips implanted in their skulls that explode when they say something stupid. Raj: Well, I believe people do their best work when they feel safe and secure. Sheldon: Pchew! Barry: If you need my nose, you'll find it firmwy wodged up the qectum of the tenure committee. Howard: You Ph.D's gonna go suck up like Kripke? Leonard: No. I mean, I'll apply, but I'm not gonna stoop to playing politics. Raj: Yeah, me neither. It should be about the work. And if I can't get tenure, I'd like to see you or Sheldon get it. Sheldon: Raj, don't dangle false hope in front of Leonard like that. Leonard: Excuse me, but I think I'm just as qualified as you are. Sheldon: Pchew! Pchew! Pchew! Pchew! Credits sequence. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: So tenured means a job for life? Leonard: Yup. Penny: You can't get fired even if you're bad at it? Leonard: Mm, not really. Penny: Wow, sounds a lot like being a pretty waitress at the Cheesecake Factory. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: While I disagree with the premise of tenure, if they gave it to me, it wouldn't diminish my output. You know, I'm like the sun. Can't turn this off. Amy: Are Rajesh and Leonard competing for it as well? Sheldon: Mm-hmm. Amy: Do they know they don't stand a chance 'cause you're so great? Sheldon: Well put. You know, I must say I go back and forth on this boyfriend-girlfriend thing, but those moments when you worship me really keep you in the running. Scene: Howard and Bernadette's apartment. Raj: It would be nice to have the increased income. Stop taking money from my parents. Howard: Money from family does come with strings attached. Raj: You have no idea. They buy me a new BMW for my birthday but can I get seat warmers? No. Rajesh, if you want a warm butt, you're gonna have to pay for it yourself. Well, maybe I will, old man. Bernadette: I think that's enough wine for now. Scene: Penny's apartment. Leonard: I just keep thinking about how cool it would be if I called my mom and told her that I got tenure at Caltech. Penny: She'd be proud, huh? Leonard: Oh, very. Assuming she takes my call. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: My primary concern with being granted tenure is living with an insanely jealous roommate after the fact. I might need to sleep with a gun under my pillow. Or a chainsaw. Amy: Or you take advantage of your newfound economic stability and move out, buy a house, get married. start a family. Sheldon: Or, the chainsaw. Scene: Howard and Bernadette's apartment. Raj: And I will return to New Delhi in triumph atop a bejeweled white elephant. And you know what will be on that elephant's back? A seat warmer. No, Father, you may not have a ride. Bernadette: I'm gonna make some coffee. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: So, who do you have to schmooze to get this deal? Leonard: I'm not gonna schmooze anybody. I'm gonna let my work speak for itself. Penny: That's great. That shows a lot of integrity. Leonard: Thank you. I'm a naive idiot, right? Penny: Oh, good, you heard me. Scene: The apartment. Amy: You know, if you really want tenure, maybe you should cozy up to the people making the decision. Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not do cozy. Amy: You don't say. Sheldon: But I suppose it wouldn't hurt to know who's on the committee. Let's see. Oh, Janine Davis. Oh, dear. Amy: Is that a problem? Sheldon: Well... (Flashback to Series 6, Episode 12, The Egg Salad Equivalency) Sheldon: Even you. You're a slave. Janine: I'm a what? (End of flashback) Sheldon: I'm not sure, it could go either way. Scene: The university gymnasium. Leonard: Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey. Mrs. Davis. Janine: Hey. Leonard: Hey. Janine: Dr. Hofstadter. Leonard: Yeah. Just thought I'd come down and start getting ready for swimsuit season. Janine: Good for you. Leonard: Not that you need it. I bet you look great in a swimsuit. Janine: Thank you. Leonard: I've got what my father used to call furniture disease. My chest is falling into my drawers. I'm not, uh, familiar with this model. How do I make it start? Janine: You push start. Leonard: Right. This one might be broken. Janine: You have to move. Leonard: Got it. Oh. There. Oh, yeah. Yeah, now I'm feeling it. Oh, this is great. I could do this for the rest of my life. Hey, speaking, speaking of things you do for the rest of your life, uh, did I read that you're on that-that tenure committee? Janine: Yep. I got to get a home gym. Leonard: Well, I'm sure you have a lot of good applicants, I just wanted to say hi and let you know that I'll be throwing my hat in the ring. Janine: All right, I'll keep an eye out for that. Leonard: Yeah. Barry: Hey, Hofstadter. Funny seeing you here for the first time in... ever. Leonard: Go away. Barry: Janine the Machine, wet's do this! Janine: Hey, Barry. Leonard: Well, look at that. Burned a whole calorie. Barry: I guess you got here ewwy to burn off that banana bwead I baked you. Janine: Yeah, it was delicious. Thank you. Barry: No, my pweasure. Leonard: Oh, if you, if you like banana bread, I've got a-a great recipe. The trick is in, in fresh ground, I'll e-mail it to you. Barry: Aw wight, I'm warm. Weady to kick it up a notch? Janine: Let's go. Leonard: That's enough cardio for me. I'm just gonna stretch out before I hit the weights. Janine: You okay? Leonard: Call someone. Scene: Janine's office. There is a sound on her computer. It opens up an online video. Raj: Good day, Mrs. Davis. This is Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali from the astrophysics department. Don't be alarmed, I'm not really in space. Anyhoo, I'd like to take this opportunity to tell you about myself, so sit back, relax and enjoy the following 90-minute video. Janine: Oh, come on. Raj: Born in New Delhi, the third son of an itinerant gynecologist, I showed early signs of genius. At the age of five I discovered a celestial object which later turned out to be the moon. Shelldon (off): (Knock, knock, knock) Mrs Davis? (Knock, knock, knock) Mrs Davis? (Knock, knock, knock) Mrs Davis? Janine: God, they're everywhere. Come in. Dr. Cooper, how can I help you? Sheldon: Yes, hello. I'm fine. Um, I understand you may have a bad impression of me, so I bought you a gift. Janine: Uh, Dr. Cooper, that's not necessary. Sheldon: It's too late. Get ready to like me. Janine: Roots? Sheldon: The tragic history of slavery in America. Fun for the whole family. Janine: Why would you think this is an appropriate gift? Sheldon: Um... Well... You are black, right? Janine: This meeting has come to an end. Sheldon: Because you want to start watching it right now. Copy that. Let's see. Up next on the tenure committee is Professor Wu. Well, get ready for the complete works of Jackie Chan. Scene: The cafeteria. Leonard: Gentlemen. Raj: Where have you been? Leonard: Nurse's office. Howard: Asthma attack? Leonard: Asthma, heart, some kind of attack. I'm fine, though. Howard: You guys going to Professor Tupperman's memorial? Raj: I don't know. Leonard: Probably not. Sheldon: Barely knew him. Howard: Yeah, you wouldn't want to look like you guys are brown-nosing the tenure committee, who will all be there. Oh, yeah, that's what I was hoping for, meerkats. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: I won't be able to make our date night this Thursday, so, bad news for you. Amy: Well you better have a good excuse this time, because trimming Q-tips to fit your ears right is obvious nonsense. Sheldon: First of all, when you say things like that, people think you're crazy. Second, the reason I'm cancelling is because I have to attend a memorial service for Professor Tupperman. Amy: It sounds like a long and tedious evening. Sheldon: Eh, it will be. Honestly, if I must endure a long and tedious evening, I'd rather it be with you on date night. But I have no choice. The tenure committee's going to be there. Amy: Oh. Well, in that case, perhaps I should come along. Sheldon: Well, now that I think about it, that would be most helpful. Amy: Of course it would. I'm well-versed in academic politics, and as a respected scientist, I can only raise your stock as a candidate. Sheldon: Actually, I meant you could drive me. But if it makes you happy, that other stuff, too. Scene: Penny's apartment. Leonard: Do anything interesting today? Penny: Oh, not really. I was out shopping with Amy. She wanted me to help her find something for this memorial thing. Leonard: Wait, Sheldon's going to be there? We all promised we weren't going to go. Penny: Oh, what a jerk. Leonard: I know. I was hoping to go without anyone finding out. Penny: Well, since Amy's going, do you want me there? You know, to support you? Leonard: Oh, that's nice, but it-it's just gonna be a room full of boring old men and I'm not sure how much help you'd be. Penny: Okay. I'm just gonna tie my shoe while you think about that. Leonard: Oh, yeah. No. Thanks, that would be great help. You realize you might kill some of them. Penny: Oh, then you all can get tenure. Scene: Raj's apartment. Raj: Come on, Daddy. All the other scientists have seat warmers. This is so humiliating. I've got to get tenure. Okay, let's meet halfway. How about I cut my cleaning lady down to twice a week? Looks like we're both going to be living like animals. Scene: The memorial. Amy: Let's go over our emotional responses one last time. Sheldon: Okay. Amy: Professor Tupperman is dead, and that makes us? Sheldon: Sad. Amy: The fact that there are so many people here tonight doesn't make us cranky and claustrophobic. It makes us? Sheldon: Glad. Amy: Giving Mrs. Davis the box set of Roots was? Sheldon: Bad. However... Amy: No. Sheldon: Fine. Bad. Raj: Unbelievable. You have some nerve showing up here just to schmooze with the tenure committee. Sheldon: You're here. Raj: Excuse me. I'm here to pay my respects to Professor Tupperware, or whatever his name is. Sheldon: So am I. His passing makes me feel bad. Leonard: Well, well, well, Sheldon, fancy meeting you here. I guess the train store in Glendale wasn't having a cotillion after all. And you, you said you weren't coming here, either. Raj: I have a thick accent. You don't know what I said. Amy: I'd like to know why Penny's here. Penny: I'm here to support my man, just like you. Sheldon: What are you going to do? Take people's drink orders and get them wrong? Leonard: Do it. Sheldon: What? Did she do it yet? Amy: She plans on flirting with members of the tenure committee to further Leonard's cause. Sheldon: Well, that's a fine how-do-you-do. Don't just stand there. Take your breasts out. Howard: Ooh, meerkat fight! Amy: You're all wasting your time. Sheldon is the most qualified for the job, and no amount of gravity-defying bosom's going to change that. Seriously, is that tape? Like, how are they staying up like that? Leonard: Way to hit 'em with both barrels. Raj: You two should be ashamed of yourselves. Using women to advance your cause with sexuality, and whatever Amy plans on doing. Sheldon: Are you implying that my girlfriend has no sexuality to exploit? Raj: Yes. Sheldon: Okay, because that was not clear. Amy: Sheldon! Sheldon: What? That was ambiguous. Raj: Well, now it's biguous. What are you gonna do about it? Sheldon: Um... Howard: You could talk some smack about his mother. Sheldon: Well, yes, of course, he wouldn't like that at all. Last night, I was feeling in need of sexual release when I happened to come across your mother. Leonard: Okay, okay. Guys, what are we doing here? Sheldon: I don't know what you're doing, but I was about to insinuate that I had coitus with Raj's mother for a dollar. Leonard: Oh, you do what you want, but I don't want to lose my friends over tenure. Friends are forever. Howard: So is tenure. Bernadette: Walk. Leonard: I'm just gonna go home and let my work speak for itself. Raj: You're right. This is beneath me. Lie your mother was last night. Leonard: How about it, Sheldon? Sheldon: What do you think I should do? Amy: Well, you'll always be an academic success, but I seriously question whether you'll make any more friends. Sheldon: I don't want any more, but let's go. Barry: Are you kidding? I would wove to baby-sit for you. Janine: I could not ask you to do that. Barry: Nonsense. Childwen wove me. Something about me just makes them waugh and waugh. Leonard: No. We cannot lose to that jerk. Raj: Yeah, screw it. I'm going in. Sheldon: Wait. Hold on. I believe screw it, I'm going in is what I said to your mother last night. Don't worry, I didn't really say that. I find the concept of coitus ridiculous and off-putting. Amy: Should have taken my breasts out while I had the chance. Scene: Janine's office. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Mrs Davis? (Knock, knock, knock) Mrs Davis? (Knock, knock, knock) Mrs Davis? I know you're in there. I saw your car in the parking lot. Janine: What? Sheldon: I just found out that you recommended myself, Dr. Hofstadter and Dr. Koothrappali to be on the short list for tenure. Janine: Well, despite your quirks, the three of you are very accomplished in your respective fields. Sheldon: I don't know what you mean by quirks, but, um, I do want to express my gratitude. Janine: You didn't bring another gift, did you? Sheldon: No, no. No, I learned my lesson. I understand that was inappropriate. Janine: Good. Sheldon: Anyway, thank you. Janine: You're welcome. (Sheldon attempts a jive handshake) I'm gonna pretend that didn't happen. Sheldon: Yeah, right on, sister.

After Professor Tupperman's death, Sheldon, Leonard, Raj and Kripke fight for his tenured position and try to impress Janine Davis, Caltech's HR administrator and head of the tenure committee. Leonard and Kripke exercise with her at the gym to talk to her, but Leonard suffers an asthma attack. Raj sends her a 90-minute video autobiography. Sheldon gives her a DVD of the TV miniseries Roots to make up for his racist comments in The Egg Salad Equivalency but when she doesn't appreciate it, he offends her by asking "you are black, right?". Sheldon, Leonard and Raj attend Tupperman's memorial service, Sheldon and Leonard taking Amy and Penny to impress the tenure committee. On their encounter before the memorial service they lash out at each other, even Amy and Penny joining in. The fight stops only when Leonard realizes he would rather lose the tenured post than lose his friends. The five decide to leave, but stay after observing Kripke flatter Mrs. Davis. Sheldon, Leonard and Raj are eventually shortlisted for the tenured position purely on the basis of their accomplishments. Sheldon thanks Mrs. Davis, but offends her yet again by offering her a supposed "traditional black handshake".

fd_London_Spy_01x03

fd_London_Spy_01x03_0

Journalist: You were his sexual partner for eight months. He never mentioned sadism, never asked you to participate? Danny: Well, that's what I'm trying to tell you. I don't think anything did go on up there. I never saw him use those items. Frances: Alistair was... as precocious sexually as he was intellectually. Danger, pain, submission, domination. Policewoman: Is it possible that you enjoyed extreme sexual encounters with someone who didn't want you to know their name? Frances: I don't know what went on in that attic... and the truth is neither do you. Alex (O.C.): I have to buy a battery for my laptop. American: Lots of people think they have nothing to lose. But in my professional experience, they just haven't thought it through. Danny: You threatening me? American (O.C.): Once in a while, someone unexpected tells you something that might save your life. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Panting ) Police (O.C.): Armed police! Police! Stay where you are! Show us your hands! Sara (O.C.):Danny? Danny, what's going on? Let me go! Get your hands off him. Danny! [SCENE_BREAK] ( Sirens wail ) [SCENE_BREAK] Detective Taylor: The trunk. An antique. Wood. Leather. Steel frame. Very strong. You claim it was used to store hiking boots and other outdoor equipment in the back of his car? With a man inside, oxygen levels drop 17%. The temperature jumps ten degrees. You become breathless. Sweaty. There's a moment of euphoria. Danny: Euphoria? Detective Taylor: Have you ever experimented with erotic asphyxiation? "When the brain is deprived of oxygen, it induces a semi-hallucinogenic state called hypoxia. Combined with orgasm..." Danny: I know what it is. Detective Taylor: "..the rush is said to be no less powerful than cocaine, and highly addictive." You know what it is, because you've tried it? Danny: There was a guy. Detective Taylor: A man... Steve Fields. Did the two of you use a trunk? Danny: We used a belt. I didn't particularly enjoy it. I've never done it again. Detective Taylor: We were told you engaged in the practice repeatedly. Danny: It was... three or four times. With one man. Detective Taylor: How close did you come to death? Danny: Erm, we were... careful. Detective Taylor: Because? Danny: Because he was watching. Or I was. Detective Taylor: Danny, have you ever passed out from taking too much G? Danny: Yeah. When I first started using it. Detective Taylor: What would you say was a typical dose? 1.5 millilitres? 5.2 millilitres. Enough for three. That was the moment you were supposed to open the trunk, wasn't it? What happened that night, Danny? He asked you to lock him inside the trunk. You obliged. You sat on the bed waiting for his high. Only yours came first. It came stronger. You pass out. Nothing could wake you. Not his cries for help, the movement of the trunk. You sat up. You saw the trunk. On its side. Halfway across the attic. Now you're panicking. You open the locks. You touch his cheeks. He's still warm. You consider calling an ambulance... of course you do. But it's too late. You look around at the remnants of your night. The drugs. The kink. A jury's going to hate you. You close the trunk and you leave. After all, the guy slept around. You didn't even know his name. There were others. Maybe we'd think it was one of them. Danny: Why would I have told you that there WERE no other people? Detective Taylor: There are always other people. Exclusive. Discreet. A specialist escort agency, for the very rich. Danny: Alex didn't use escorts. Detective Taylor: Could we at least use his real name? Danny: Alistair didn't use escorts. Detective Taylor: You both enjoyed the company of strangers, it would seem. Danny (O.C.): "I was numb and I posted an ad online... saying that anyone could come round. I mean, anyone." Danny: How do you have that? Detective Taylor: You told him that story over the phone. Danny: No, that was a private conversation! Detective Taylor: The apartment belongs to the security services. All calls...were recorded. Danny: That conversation took place in my bedroom. We were face-to-face! Detective Taylor: We've just searched your apartment. No surveillance equipment was found. Danny: Alex... didn't give me these keys. He never... He never gave... He never did give me a... a set of keys. These...were left! At the warehouse. I don't know... I don't know... by who, I don't know how they but they were. You say that it can't be done, like...' it's a fact. But it was done! They were left... They left them... so that I could go to the attic, so that you would believe all of this, except it's all a f*cking lie! Detective Taylor: I'm not the one running out of time, Danny. We both know those attic bed sheets, stained with semen... and sh1t...and blood... are going to come back as a match for your DNA. And when they do... we will charge you. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: Have you got a pen? What did the lawyer say? Scottie: He said you should confess. Danny: They built that attic... out of my past. All the stupid things I've done. Scottie: What is that? Danny: Another lie. ( He shouts ) [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: Saturday? Scottie: Sunday. You should eat something. Danny: The bed sheets... in the attic. They're going to come back a match for my DNA. Scottie: How's that possible? Danny: Alex dry-cleaned everything. That's when they were stolen. They've been working on this for months. And I'll prove it. Scottie: You can't even prove it wasn't you. You're talking about spies and conspiracies. Look at you. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Intercom chimes ) Rich (O.C.): Hello. Danny: It's me. ( Intercom buzzes ) [SCENE_BREAK] Rich: Danny! The one that got away. Danny: Rich. Rich: Been a long time. You don't smoke it, it's going to be wasted. Look - it's getting away. Danny: I'm good. Thanks. Rich: You're not a man who usually says no. Danny: I need information. Rich: Information? How grown up you've become. What information could you possibly want? Who gave you this? Danny: I was shown it. Rich: Who showed you it? Danny: Could you help me? You know them, don't you? I need to... I need to speak to those people. Rich: Impossible. Danny: It's important. Rich: Come on. Closer. Closer. Closer. Danny? Rich: You have the very particular stink of a man out of his depth. Danny: Can you help me? Rich: For important information there's a price, Danny. You have any idea how upset these people would be if I shared their secrets with the likes of you? Why don't you take a moment, freshen up? And then ask yourself... "How badly do I want this?" Hmm? [SCENE_BREAK] Rich: I'm going to die in this tub. Heart attack or a stroke. They'll find me here... tongue hanging out... my little dick bobbing about in the bubble bath. Four strong men will heave me out. My flesh will...slosh and slop on the marble floor. And they'll write about me... "He was a man who always got what he wanted". Danny: I can't. Rich: Then f*ck off! [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: What's wrong? Sara: Why didn't you tell me? Danny: Tell you what? Sara: Danny, I found it. Danny: Found what? Sara: Your medication. Danny: Sara, what did you find? [SCENE_BREAK] Clinician: Danny? Danny? [SCENE_BREAK] Clinician (O.C.): Last test was eight months ago, since then one sexual partner. You're always safe? Danny: Always. Clinician (O.C.): Do you use a condom during oral s*x? Danny: No. Clinician: Well, it's low-risk but not no-risk. We're going to do a finger prick test. It's not a test for the HIV virus but for the antibodies produced in response to the infection. It'll detect infection six weeks after exposure. Danny: I haven't had sexual contact of any kind for over six weeks. Clinician: Then this result will be up to date. I need to ask, before the test... if the results come back positive... is there someone you can phone? We have a support network. So no-one's ever alone. Just so you know. Going to feel a slight scratch. This'll just take a few minutes. The result is reactive. We use the word reactive because 7 out of a 1,000 results come back as a false reactive result. So... Danny? Danny, why don't you take a seat for me? Danny? Two dots indicate the presence of antibodies to the HIV virus. So I need to take a second sample, run a second test so that I can rule out the chance of a false result. Danny: It's not... possible. Clinician: Let's run the second test. Would you like someone to wait with you? Danny: No. Clinician: Danny? Danny: I know how they did it! Clinician: Danny... Danny: I know! Clinician: Danny. Danny: I know! Clinician: Danny. Danny: I know! Clinician: Danny, why don't you take a seat for me? Danny... can you give me the needle? Danny? Give me the needle. Danny (sotto): OK. OK. Clinician: Is there someone we can call? [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: When they took...my blood at the police station, they must have injected me at the same time. The... The virus can't... can't survive outside the body. They must have, um... They must have kept it heated? And I, I, I, I know that... it takes more than six weeks for it to show up on the test and... it wasn't that long ago but they must have... I don't know, I don't know how they did it. I... ( He sighs ) But they did it! They did it. ( He sniffs ) ( He sobs ) Scottie... you have to believe me! Please. Please! Scottie: I remember taking you to hospital... all those years ago. There was a chance you'd been infected. We barely knew each other. You were so young. More child than adult. I made you promise never to take a risk like that again. Danny: Scottie, I swear! Scottie: You promised. You promised me. Danny: I never broke that promise. I swear to you! If you don't believe me, I don't have anyone else, Scottie, I don't have anyone else! You have to believe. Scottie: I believe you. I knew you were a young man who'd make a lot of mistakes. But never the same one twice. I believe you. I believe they deliberately infected you. Not to kill you, obviously. With medication, you'll live a long and normal life. They did it to discredit you. They'll say you took risks with your own health. You were reckless... and irresponsible. Perhaps they'll even say that you infected Alex. Danny: No. He, he was... Scottie: He was negative. But what will the test say? The story of you two has been written. It was written many months ago. A sordid tale... the details of which will leak out into the public sphere. People will recoil. Many will think you got what you deserved. No-one will campaign for answers. No-one will demand justice. Danny: These people... Scottie: Yes. Danny: .. they'd do anything. Scottie: Yes. Danny: I can't... Scottie: No. Danny: I loved him. I loved him very much. I can't fight them. Scottie: A long time ago, I had a lover. He was an aspiring artist. Quite promising. Extraordinarily beautiful. 1983. He was one of the first in London to fall ill. Back then, it didn't even have a name. There was no information. No leaflets. No warnings. No answers. You'd watch the news and hear no mention of it. A secret plague. I'd visit him as often as I could, with as much fresh fruit and vegetables as I could carry. He'd been given a book on colour therapy. In it, blue was described as having healing properties. Blue... blue alone, was able to fight infections. Blue... blue alone, could save him. Blue. No doubt the idea appealed to his artistic sensibilities. Back then, mysticism and magic stood in for medicine. He wouldn't accept the fresh fruit and vegetables because they weren't blue. But, since water was blue, he eventually agreed to take a bath. I told him that he'd given up. He must fight. He refused. He said that I'd never faced the inevitability of defeat. He was going to die. He was going to suffer, suffer terribly. There was nothing he could do. There was nothing anyone could do. He was right. On both counts. He did suffer terribly. And I have never faced the inevitability of defeat. It is impossible. We will lose. But we will fight. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: I'm ready. Scottie: Are you? Danny: Yes. Scottie: When are you going to tell me? The secret you've been keeping. Danny: You knew all the time? Scottie: Not here. Downstairs. [SCENE_BREAK] Scottie: Tell me. Danny: I lied. Scottie: About? Danny: I stole something... from the attic. Scottie: You lied well. Danny: It's a locked cylinder. Scottie: You lied wisely. Danny: It needs a code. Scottie: Which you don't know? Danny: No. Scottie: Did Alex intend it for you? Danny: He told me where to look. Scottie: Then he must have believed you capable of opening it. Danny: I've gone over every conversation, every word. Scottie: Go over them again. Remember... he would have been aware that you were under surveillance. Danny, you've got to figure it out. You're the only one who can. Where is it now? You haven't kept it at the flat? You were right to be cautious. If they knew that you had this... they'd have behaved quite differently. Secrets have changed. It used to be typed documents, stashed inside manila files. Pages of paper stamped "Confidential". Rolls of microfilm. Now it's numbers. Algorithms. The contents of that cylinder are almost certainly incomprehensible. At least to us. We need an ally. A great mind. Some of the people we need to speak to... care very much about appearances. They look at the cut of your suit before they listen to what you say. It's not about wealth. It's about a set of signals. They require a lifetime of study, which is precisely the point. Wealth can be acquired in an instant. Tonight we must play by their rules. Fits. ( Scottie scoffs ) Scottie: What sort of spy would I be if I couldn't guess a man's shirt size? [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: So who is she? Scottie: She's the President and Provost Professor of the University of London. Danny: Can we trust her? Scottie: There's no art in trusting nobody. The craft of a spy has always been to choose the right people to trust. Danny: You're friends? Scottie: Friends, yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Scottie: They'll be aware of my connection to her. They'll have anticipated this meeting. Her office will almost certainly be bugged. Empty your pockets, please. This way. Claire: Thank you. You haven't lost your taste for theatricality. Scottie: For once it's justified. Claire: So what's this about? Why couldn't you tell me on the phone? Scottie: A former student of your university. A prodigy. Danny: You might know him as Alistair Turner. But he preferred the name Alex. Claire: Let's walk. I didn't know Alex well personally. Mainly by reputation. There aren't many students who start their degree at 15. Danny: He was murdered. Scottie: He WAS murdered, Claire. Claire: So I take it you want to speak to his professor? Marcus Shaw. Scottie: What do you know about him? Claire: Brilliant. Difficult. Scottie: And his relationship with Alex? Claire: They were close. Scottie: Sexual? Claire: I'm confident that their intimacy was purely intellectual. Danny: Will he talk to us? Claire: Marcus is precise. He won't "chat". Unless you're talking about mathematics, the discussion will be a waste of time. Scottie: Is it possible that Alex would have confided in him? Claire: That's a very serious allegation. Scottie: I'm just thinking aloud. Claire: Marcus admired Alex. On some level, he might have envied him, but... I can't believe he'd want to harm him. Scottie: Could you arrange a meeting? Claire: So you do have something specific you're going to speak to him about? Danny: We will. Scottie: Don't send e-mails. Don't make calls. They'll have access to your computer, your office, your phone. Claire, I should warn you... Claire: He was my student, Scottie. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: Where now? Scottie: A club, I thought. [SCENE_BREAK] Scottie: Don't admire your surroundings. Affect an air of mild boredom. Don't take it too far. It needs to feel effortless. Making an effort is the surest giveaway. Danny: I don't think this is going to work. Scottie: All we need is enough uncertainty for them to let you inside. The advantage is with us. More than anything they despise a scene. [SCENE_BREAK] Scottie: Good evening. Good evening, sir. Scottie: One guest. Danny: How do you know what anything costs? Scottie: Everything goes on account. It's assumed members can pay their way. Money's never mentioned, seen or discussed. Danny: There are more women in a gay club. Scottie: Women aren't allowed. Danny (sotto): Is that legal? Scottie: How many do you think apply? James: Good to see you. Scottie: You look fantastic as always, James. Danny: Danny. Scottie: James and I have worked together for over 30 years. James: Not really "together", Scottie. Scottie: (Chuckling) No, I suppose not. James... I'm afraid I need to ask a favour. James: A favour? Scottie: I'm afraid so. James: Scottie, this is unlike you. Scottie: The situation is exceptional. James: Very well. Scottie: What can you tell me about the murder of Alistair Turner? James: Have you lost your mind? Scottie: I'm asking you to be indiscreet. The quid pro quo is that I will not be. James: You've been hanging around too many street corners, old friend. Your acquaintance is beginning to rub off on you. Scottie: Oh, no. I learnt these tricks from the top. James: You sure you want to continue down this road? Scottie: Quite sure. James: That's an awful shame. I'll tell you a joke. How about that? Scottie: It would depend on how funny I found it. James: It's hysterical. An Englishman, a Chinaman... a Frenchman, an American, a Russian... an Israeli and a Saudi... walk into a bar... and they all agree. You'd better explain it to your boy at a later stage. Like I said, old friend, an awful shame. Scottie: Time to go. If I could ask you to settle up, Sir? Scottie: Yes, of course, yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: What did it mean? Scottie: That my membership has been cancelled with immediate effect. A pity. They do a marvellous Eggs Benedict. Danny: The joke, Scottie, the joke? Scottie: I thought that was perfectly clear. Danny: No. Scottie: Substitute the nationality for the security agency. British MI6. The Chinese Ministry for State Security. American CIA. Israeli Mossad. Russian FSB. The Saudi GIP. Danny: OK? Scottie: The punchline was that they all agree. Danny, they've never agreed about anything. Until now... it seems. Whatever Alex discovered - whatever it was, whatever it is - no-one wants in the open. We're not up against one intelligence agency. We're up against them all. What does it mean? It means we are quite alone. [SCENE_BREAK] Rich: Get in the car. Danny: What? Rich: Get in the f*cking car! ( Rich tuts ) Rich: Found yourself a rich Daddy, my fun-loving-friend? Or is it fun no more, Danny? Have you fallen out of love? With fun? You have. Some people call that growing up. I call it growing old. Once you let fun go, you never get it back. Over and above everything and anybody... I choose fun. It's for you. Not here! Danny: What is it? Rich: It's the impossible. Danny: What made you change your mind? Rich: I didn't. Danny: I don't understand. Rich: I'm sure you don't. Get out. Get out the car. Oh, Danny? Have fun. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Phone rings ) [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: I can do this alone. Scottie: I would like to finish this particular adventure with you, Daniel Edward Holt. Danny: Can it be opened? If you know the code. Danny: We did it for me. American: Where is it? I was sure that he was going to change the world in some way. I just didn't tell him how dangerous it would be. Scottie: But those systems of oppression never hold, never last, never survive, for we will not live in fear.

Danny is arrested, and admits to having experimented with auto-asphyxiation . The interrogators show him the logo of a rent boy agency they say Alex used, and suggest he confess that, while high on drugs, he accidentally asphyxiated him. If not, he will be charged if they discover his DNA on the sheets in the attic room. Once released, Danny visits an old acquaintance, a record producer called Rich, and asks for help to find the rent boy agency. Rich offers to help in return for sex, but Danny refuses. Danny's flatmate informs him that the tablet left by the American is anti-HIV medication. Danny is tested, and told that he is HIV positive. Scottie takes Danny to see a friend who says she will try to arrange a meeting with Alex's old professor who may be able to make sense of the contents of the code-locked cylinder which he took from Alex's flat. Later, at Scottie's club, Scottie blackmails a former colleague into revealing that every major espionage agency agreed Alex was a threat. Later, Danny is walking when a car draws up. Rich is in the back, and gives him a phone.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_03x07

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_03x07_0

[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT./INT. VENETIAN HOTEL -- NIGHT] (Billboard with the picture of the two fighters.) (The guests walk on the red carpet to the front door. The doorman opens the door for them.) (The hotel door opens and the guests walk inside.) (Cut to: The fight inside.) (Cut to: The sign outside the lobby reads: "STEELE vs. MOLINA", "Revenge of the Century" and "November 9, 2002".) (Cut to: Inside the ring. / Photographers snap pictures.) (The fighter throws a punch.) (The MAN and The WOMAN wave to the crowd as photographers take their pictures. They enter the hotel.) (Cut to: Fight scenes inside the ring.) (The Man and the WOMAN walk across the hotel lobby. A MAN runs across the lobby floor. A group of young, black men saunter across the lobby floor after him. The leader wears a thick silver necklace.) (Cut to: The Man and The Woman walk through the double doors and into the tunnel. Scenes of the main audience area.) (Close up of the Everlast Belt around the fighter's waist.) (The Man and The Woman walk under the tunnel. They enter the main audience area. They move to the side to take their seats. The audience cheers.) (The camera moves in toward the main ring where the fight is happening.) Man: (shouting) Put your hands up! Put your hands up! (Bell dings. The round ends.) Referee: That's enough! (The audience applauds and cheers.) (MOLINA raises his hands high in the air.) (LAROI takes a seat in his corner.) Trainer: Come on, Laroi. TRAINER: He's okay! TRAINER: We're going to dry it up, Laroi. TRAINER: We're going to dry it up. (The Manager claps from outside the ring.) (A woman in a bikini holds up a card and walks around the ring. She flirts with the man with the black cowboy hat on. The woman in red standing next to him is not pleased with it.) Woman in Red: (hits the man next to her in black) Cut it out! Cut Man: Suck it up. Suck it up, son. Suck it up, son. From Molina's Corner: (in Spanish) Lo teine donde deseas! Me entiendes lo que te digo? El cuerpo ... siempre moviendo ... From Steele's Corner: Laroi, listen to me! You keep your hands up, hear? He's killing you with that left. Laroi: Bum don't got the heart to put me down. From Steele's Corner: Yeah, well, you better start throwing your hands, hook to the body hook to the head, upper cut. Like we worked it in the gym. (The Bell dings signaling the start of the next round.) (MOLINA stands up and is ready. He immediately starts throwing a series of punches at LAROI.) (LAROI STEELE is backed into a corner and is taking a beating. MOLINA turns to look at the REFEREE. Not seeing any sign to stop the fight, MOLINA throws a final punch that brings LAROI STEELE to his knees. He falls bleeding to the floor.) Referee: One! Two! Three! That's it! (MOLINA jumps up and holds his arms high in victory. The REFEREE checks LAROI STEELE. LAROI'S trainers rush into the ring to check on him. They crowd around him.) Trainer: Laroi! Laroi, talk to me! Come on, Laroi! Come on, baby, talk to me. Laroi! Come on, get the doctor! Step it! WHITE FLASH TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - FIGHT RING -- NIGHT] (LAROI STEELE is face down in the fight ring. Above him are a pair of feet that turns and walks toward the side of the ring. GRISSOM and WARRICK approach the ring. BRASS is already inside the ring. BRASS sighs.) Brass: Laroi, "The Fists Of" Steele. Warrick: WFB Welterweight Champion. Nineteen wins. Grissom: One loss. Boxers have died in the ring before. Why is this one a crime? Brass: Casino management got a heads-up from the sports book. Five hours before the opening bell Steele goes from a two-to-one favorite to a five-to-one underdog. Warrick: Fight fixing? Brass: Yeah. Grissom: That's a felony. And if death occurs during commission of a felony, that's a murder. CUE TITLE MUSIC: (PRELAP) (GRISSOM'S pager beeps.) STOP MUSIC: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROADWAY -- NIGHT] (The OFFICER lifts the crime scene tape for GRISSOM as he makes his way to the site. CATHERINE is already there taking pictures.) Catherine: Gang member. Vega: Tenth street vandal Grissom: Isolated incident or they having a war? Vega: It's hard to tell. Vandals are based in L.A. But on a weekend like this ... brings knuckleheads in from all over. Grissom: Witnesses? Catherine: They were all in the bathroom. Grissom: Aren't they always? (GRISSOM looks down at the dead man. Next to his head is a flyer for: "STEELE VS. MOLINA", "Revenge of the Century", "Saturday, November 9, 2002" and "To Win a 2003 Corvette") (GRISSOM'S pager beeps. He looks at it. The message reads: (11:24 pm) "Call Nick Stokes".) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JEWELRY STORE -- NIGHT] (The MANAGER holds an ice pack to her forehead. In front of her is a customer, MRS. RAMSEY. They're arguing with each other.) Manager: We are just trying to be reasonable here. Mrs. Ramsey: I am not giving this back unless I get my ring. Manager: Mrs. Ramsey, it is not our policy to allow clients to ... Mrs. Ramsey: Oh, really? I guess you need a new policy, don't you? Manager: Now you are being unreasonable. Mrs. Ramsey: Now you ... (The argument continues in the background. Deeper inside the store, GRISSOM walks in. NICK is already there looking around.) Nick: Smash and grab. Left that behind. (NICK indicates the metal rod left inside the smashed display case.) Grissom: How many guys? Nick: One. Yeah. Waited till the manager was alone knocked her down and hopped the counter. Got away with a whole sack full of stones. It takes some stones to pull off a job like this. (SARA walks in carrying her kit.) Sara: Good evening, gentlemen. What have we got? Grissom: (to SARA) Well, you and I have got a dead boxer. Nick, you're going to get to run this solo. Nick: Yeah? Grissom: Yeah. We're tapped out. Welcome to fight night. HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - ARENA -- NIGHT] (SARA opens her kit and takes out a pair of latex gloves. WARRICK works on the opposite corner.) Sara: Okay. What are we looking for? Warrick: Blinding agents in the vaseline, stimulants in the water... Sara: So ... basically, everything goes to tox. Warrick: Yeah. Sara: Nice sport. Warrick: Well, it's only dirty if you make it dirty. You know, boxing's about discipline. Sara: It's two guys beating their brains out in a race for early-onset Parkinson's. Warrick: No, no, you know, it's mind and body. (WARRICK stands up.) Mind and body. If you train one and not the other you're half a person. What'd you find? (SARA looks in the plastic tub and finds nothing but bloody saliva. She fixes a smile on her face and keeps it there.) Sara: Saliva. Warrick: Oh, the spit bucket. (SARA picks the bucket up and turns around to face WARRICK.) Warrick: What's so funny? Sara: Smiling, uh, represses the gag reflex. Warrick: This is coming from the same woman who processed fecal fat from a ruptured colon. Sara: Every crim's got at least one problem area. Mine's saliva. Warrick: Want me to get that for you? Sara: No, no. Warrick: You're sure. Sara: Mind and body, right? (WARRICK nods and turns away to go back to his corner. SARA's left carrying the bucket.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL -- ARENA] (Out in the stands, GRISSOM and BRASS talk with the REFEREE.) Referee: Everybody knew they hated each other. They fought two times before. Title wasn't even on the line tonight. Just pride. Brass: How'd the other fights go down? Referee: I didn't get to ref them, but I saw them ... $39.95 a pop. Goddamned Pay-Per-View's just like stealing, but they were good fights. Laroi won both of them. First one was a knockout in the eighth off this sweet right hook. The other was a ... a TKO in the tenth, yeah. Uh, he really dropped the hammer on Molina that time. Grissom: Well, evidently, Molina hammered back tonight. Brass: Two previous wins by knockout ... tonight, he dies. What's up with that? Referee: What do you mean? Grissom: Did you notice anything out of the ordinary about either fighter? Slowed reactions, unusual strength? Referee: All I noticed is that boy took one hell of a beating. (GRISSOM nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. PARKING LOT -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE examines the ground in between the parked cars. In the background, DET. VEGA also examines the ground.) (CATHERINE finds a bullet. She puts down evidence marker #1 to mark the find. Near the bullet she finds a gun.) Catherine: (smiling) I got a gun. Vega: Make that two. (CATHERINE looks up and sees VEGA holding up the second gun.) (CATHERINE continues to look around. She finds a third gun inside the back seat of a gun. She puts down evidence marker #3 on the car and picks up the gun to look at it.) Catherine: Put up a couple of booths we could have ourselves a gun show out here. Vega: Disposable firearms. (Quick flashback to: A couple of young men run in between the cars throwing the guns around as they flee.) Vega: (V.O.) They know we can't link them to the weapons if we can't find the weapons on them. Man: Let's go! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Smith & Wesson .40. High end. Vega: They're stealing their way to better guns. Catherine: And bringing them to Vegas for target practice. Great. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JEWELRY STORE -- NIGHT] (NICK examines the glass casing. He finds a smudge of blood on the glass inside.) (Quick flashback to: The thief smashes the glass and starts grabbing the jewelry from the case. The thief reaches into the case and cuts his/her arm on the jagged edge. A large drop of blood falls on the glass in the case. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (NICK reaches in and takes a swab of the blood.) (The MANAGER hands NICK a slip of paper with the stolen items listed.) Manager: That's everything he got. Nick: What's it highlighted for? Manager: It's a Riviera necklace. We loaned it to a couple for the fight and they refuse to return it until we return the ring that they brought in for cleaning. Nick: Which was stolen along with the other items, right? Manager: Exactly-- and they won't leave until we get this sorted out. Can you help me out here? Nick: (declines) Sorry, mediation's not really my thing. Manager: Thanks. (NICK reaches for his phone and dials.) Nick: Mm-hmm. O'Riley? Stokes, listen, I'm at a smash and grab. Lots of glass, a little blood. Do me a favor: Check the local hospitals. Anyone comes in with a forearm laceration, it could be our guy. Thanks, man. (NICK hangs up. While he was on the phone, NICK notices MR. RAMSEY watching him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - LOCKER ROOM -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM interviews ADELLE CROSS, the Fight Promoter.) Adelle Cross: I promoted this match, Mr. Grissom. I spent sixteen months of my life stroking fighters, managers, handlers, and kissing a whole lot of ass that never got past junior high and I resent the implication that the fight was fixed, or that Laroi Steele's death was anything other than a tragedy. (GRISSOM puts his gloves on and looks at the locker room.) Grissom: These photographs are from...? Adelle Cross: The last Steele-Molina fight. Grissom: What, does he use them for motivation? Adelle Cross: And for show. Boxing is theater. Grissom: Well, according to your poster, this fight was about revenge. Adelle Cross: Boxers fight for money. The rest of it is just hype. (From the locker, GRISSOM takes out the gloves.) Grissom: These Mr. Molina's? Adelle Cross: Yeah. Grissom: From tonight's fight? (GRISSOM puts the gloves in a bag.) Adelle Cross: Yeah. Technically, after a fit those gloves become property of the boxing commission. Grissom: Right now, they're evidence, so they belong to me. Adelle Cross: What do you think you're going to find on those gloves -- liniment? Like Sonny Liston used to blind Cassius Clay? The sport has come a long way since then. Grissom: It's still two skulls and four fists. It hasn't come that far. (GRISSOM looks at the top shelf of the locker where he got the gloves. He sees something.) Adelle Cross: What did you find? (He taps the shelf with his flashlight.) Grissom: What appears to be a unique metal: Mercury. Adelle Cross: Like in a thermometer? Grissom: Amongst other things. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (WARRICK and SARA walk through the hospital hallway. Seated in the hallway is a man with a bloodied cut on his forearm.) Warrick: Looks like it was fight night for a lot of people. Sara: It sure does. And some guys get paid a million bucks for it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - ROOM -- NIGHT] (WARRICK and SARA question JAVIER MOLINA who is giving a urine sample.) Javier Molina: Sorry to keep you waiting, but, uh, commission rules, you know? Before and after a fight. Boxing and drugs don't mix, you know? (He finishes and gives the sample to the man waiting in the doorway.) Javier Molina: All yours. (The MAN leaves. JAVIER MOLINA washes his hands.) Javier Molina: So ... que onda? What's the crime lab want with me? Warrick: Well, for starters, we need to see your hands. Javier Molina: Why? Sara: Is that a "no"? Javier Molina: No. (JAVIER MOLINA holds out his hands. SARA takes a swab of his knuckles.) Sara: One more. (SARA swabs his other hand.) Javier Molina: Now, who do you think you're looking at -- Felix Trinidad? (JAVIER MOLINA moves to look at his injuries in the mirror.) Sara: (shakes her head) Who is that? Warrick: Felix Trinidad is a fighter who was once accused of dipping his wraps in ice water before a fight. It turns the tape and gauze into a hardened cast. It's like punching with concrete. Javier Molina: And it also shreds your hands. Mine are clean. (JAVIER MOLINA picks up his thick silver chain necklace off of the shelf in front of him.) Warrick: A fighter's lost his life. We're just making sure that there was no unfair advantage. Javier Molina: All I did was out-punch Laroi. Okay, you think I wanted it to go down like this? I mean, people are going to remember me now like Ray Mancini when he killed that Korean guy. That's my legacy now. Ah, this wasn't my fault, all right? He brought it upon himself talking all that trash saying I could never beat him. (He puts his chain on.) Look ... he should have never came out in the seventh round. He could barely stand up. I knew it was over right then. Sara: So why did you keep hitting because real fighters don't stop hitting until somebody makes them, all right? When you're in the ring, your life's in the ref's hands. (Quick flashback to: Inside the ring, JAVIER MOLINA swings at LAROI STEELE. He waits and looks at the REFEREE. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Javier Molina: Now, one word from that ref, and I would have stopped. (Quick flashback to: Inside the ring, MOLINA turns away from looking at the REFEREE and swings at STEELE again.) Javier Molina: (V.O.) But he never gave the word. (End of flashback.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB] (Cut to: Camera close up of a bullet being fired into water. Resume to present.) (BOBBY takes the bullet out of the tank and walks it over to the scope. CATHERINE walks into the lab.) Catherine: How we doing, Bobby? Bobby Dawson: Hey. Well, good news. All the bullets pulled from the vic are from the same gun. Six right, .380. Catherine: The bad news? Bobby Dawson: We're oh for two matching the bullets to the guns y'all recovered. I did find something, though on one of them shells, if you want to take a look. It's set up for you over there. (CATHERINE looks into the scope.) Catherine: Could be biological. I'll send it to trace. Bobby Dawson: Well, I hope it gets you somewhere 'cause all we got here is strike three. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY] (In the hallway, a couple of kids play mock boxing with each other. WARRICK talks on the phone with BRASS. WARRICK and SARA make their way down the hallway.) Warrick: Brass, Brown. I need as much information as you can give me on a referee. (HANK PEDDIGREW calls out to SARA.) Hank Peddigrew: Hey, Sara. Sara: (to HANK) Hey. (to WARRICK) I'll be right there. (WARRICK continues down the hallway. SARA stops to talk with HANK.) Hank Peddigrew: I have something to show you. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HOSPITAL - EMERGENCY ROOM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (HANK and SARA walk across the Emergency Room lot.) Hank Peddigrew: We gave Molina a ride in. Sara: You did? Hank Peddigrew: He didn't say much which is no big surprise, considering. There's not much in here but, uh, I know how you like to see everything. Sara: Thanks. (SARA climbs into the back of the Ambulance.) Hank Peddigrew: We checked vitals, cleaned his lacerations and he wanted his hand wraps cut off, so we cut them off. (SARA puts her kit down. The cut wraps are on the gurney in front of her.) Sara: Is this it? Hank Peddigrew: Right. (She picks up a piece and looks at it.) Sara: (smiles) He autographed it. Hank Peddigrew: Nah, that's the inspector's signature. Whoever watched him wrap up. Sara: It looks like there's some kind of metal in the gauze. (Camera zooms in extreme close up to show the mercury in the gauze.) Sara: Mercury, maybe? Hank Peddigrew: No, there's no mercury in any of our instruments. We're fully digital. How do you think it got there? Sara: I don't know. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (DOC ROBBINS goes over the preliminary findings for LAROI STEELE with GRISSOM.) Robbins: Massive soft tissue damage, severe facial fractures. Are they letting guys go at each other with clubs these days? Grissom: Only on cable. Robbins: It never ceases to amaze me the damage one human being can inflict on another. Grissom: Or how much damage a human body can sustain. A heavyweight can land a punch at a thousand pounds per square inch. (Quick CGI POV to: Black and white top view of a boxer taking a hit. The view includes a red-colored brain inside the boxer's head. When the boxer takes the punch, the brain takes the hit.) Grissom: (V.O.) The energy of the punch is transferred through the cerebrospinal fluid compressing the brain against the skull temporarily disrupting neural activity. (The boxer falls to the ground.) Like a short circuit. Too many short circuits and the brain shuts down. (End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Grissom: And hence, a knockout. Robbins: This guy should have been so lucky. Grissom: This, uh, bruising under the chin seems heavy. Robbins: Yeah, I thought so, too. I did a postmortem angiogram. (They walk toward the x-rays on the display.) Robbins: It's a basilar subarachnoid hematoma the result of a massive ... (Quick Flashback to: The boxer receives a punch. Blood spurts out through his mouth. His head twists around to absorb the punch.) (Quick CGI POV to: Inside the neck where the artery breaks and bleeds out.) Robbins: (V.O.) ... vertical blunt force trauma to the chin. The sudden forced rotation of the neck tears the vertebral artery ... (End of CGI POV. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Robbins: ... and blood pours out into the surrounding soft tissue. (GRISSOM turns and walks back toward the body. ROBBINS follows.) Grissom: It's called an uppercut. Robbins: You say tomato and I say Cause of Death ... Gil, I never had you pegged as a fight fan. Grissom: I'm not, really. My first year as a criminalist, I thought boxing would be a good place to observe live blood spatter. So, I went to a couple of bouts. There wasn't much spatter. Some interesting bruise formations, though. Robbins: So, uh, this is a socially acceptable live-subject laboratory for you? Grissom: (shakes his head) Yeah. Not in this case. (A TECH walks in and hands ROBBINS a file. He looks at it.) Robbins: Thank you. Grissom: Preliminary tox? Robbins: Yeah. (ROBBINS takes a moment to read the results. GRISSOM leans in to look at the body.) Professional athlete. Would have expected performance enhancers -- uh, creatine, dianobol. This man had sufentanil in his system. Grissom: Sufentanil? A sedative? Robbins: Yeah. Grissom: So, if the fighter won't take a dive ... help him take a dive. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL -- LOBBY] (BRASS re-questions the REFEREE.) Referee: What's my cousin got to do with the fight? Brass: Your cousin bet 20 large on Javier Molina at five-to-one against. Referee: Hey, he's always been a lucky guy. Brass: Yeah, I know, I'm sure he is. Well, you know how this works. I mean, you hear the fight's fixed you tip off your cousin for a piece of the action he tells a couple of friends, so on, so on. They make a bet at the last minute, and the odds go south. Referee: Hey, big fight, money moves around. Brass: Oh, yeah, that's cool. This is Vegas. Money flows. As long as it doesn't flow out of your pocket. (pause) Maybe that's why you let the fight go on so long. Yeah, you see a fighter in trouble you give him a standing eight. If he comes out a winner, you're in the poorhouse. Referee: So, what are you saying, that if I'd stopped the fight Laroi Steele would still be alive? (BRASS doesn't say anything.) You charging me with something? Brass: No. Not yet. Referee: You know where to find me. (The REFEREE walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL: ] (The curtains open. NICK and O'RILEY question RANDY WATKINS.) O'Riley: Randy Watkins. I'm Detective O'Riley. This is Nick Stokes of the crime lab. Nick: (steps up) Hi, there. Where'd you get the cut on your forearm, man? You practicing for a job at Benihana? Randy Watkins: Hey, this is a hospital. I got doctor-client privilege here, huh? Nick: Well, you don't get any privileges, Randy. You're wearing stolen property. (NICK notices the new watch on RANDY WATKINS' wrist.) O'Riley: Let me trade that bracelet in for this one. (O'RILEY puts a cuffs on WATKINS.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB] Greg: (announcer's voice) Ladies and Gentlemen, in this corner wearing red leather coming from the great fighting city of Everlast, USA ... (GREG turns around and puts the plastic bag with JAVIER MOLINA'S gloves on the table in front of GRISSOM and WARRICK.) Greg: The gloves that Javier Molina wore when he killed Laroi Steele. This is a piece of boxing history. Do you know how much this would go for on ebay? Grissom: Greg, the residue on the gloves, what is it? Greg: Half inorganic salts: Magnesium, potassium, etcetera and half organic derivatives: Urea, choline and uric acid. Grissom: Sweat. Warrick: Occasionally found at a boxing match. Grissom: Oh, but wait. (GREG turns around and picks up another bag.) In this corner fighting way out of his weight class coming from ... that place that textiles come from a cotton swab soaked in sufentanil. (GRISSOM looks at the evidence bag.) Brown: Sufentanil? I did recover this swab from the victim's corner. Grissom: Time to talk to the cut man. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PRACTICE GYM ] (BRASS and WARRICK question LAROI STEELE'S CUT MAN.) Cut Man: I would have got a bonus if we won. Why would I mess with the guy who pays me? Brass: Why is for the lawyers. Warrick: Your corner, your swab, your drugs. (Quick flashback to: The CUT MAN sticks a swab up LAROI STEELE'S nose and instructs.) Cut Man: Suck it up. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Cut Man: (turns around) I been doing this 28 years. Back when every cut man around was using monsels solution getting it in kids' eyes blinding them. I wouldn't touch the stuff. And I didn't hurt Laroi. I been in his corner six fights. Every one, he fought hard and never stiffed me. Him dying was a tragedy. Warrick: Molina trains here? Cut Man: Yeah, maybe. He owns the place. Brass: And you're looking for work. Cut Man: Work comes to me. Brass: Well, here's something else that's coming to you. (BRASS hands the warrant to The CUT MAN who puts on his glasses to read it.) Cut Man: What, you want me to give you my bag? Brass: We're not asking. (He pushes his bag toward WARRICK. WARRICK opens it and looks through it.) Warrick: It's kind of primitive. Cut Man: So is boxing. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- STAIRWAY] (GRISSOM and SARA walk down the stairs.) Grissom: Did you get anywhere with that mercury? Sara: Yeah. Ensenada, Mexico. Molina has a personal physician down there. It turns out that mercury is used in a folk remedy for empacho. It's a chronic stomach condition. Grissom: And Molina has it? Sara: Medical history confirms it. The guy eats metal. Grissom: It's not the eating that will get you. The poison's in the mercury vapor. It's toxic. Sara: Well, I guess we're left with the sedative. Any luck? Grissom: Greg's working on it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB -- CONTINUOUS] (CATHERINE'S in the Ballistics Lab with BOBBY DAWSON.) Catherine: Three guns found at the scene. None match the bullets recovered from the victim. What does that tell us? Bobby Dawson: The shooter kept his weapon. Catherine: Means he likes his gun and may have used it before. Bobby Dawson: Which is where the shell case and IBIS come in. I'll run it against the national database. Catherine: Firing pin impressions and breech face marks a closer look. Bobby Dawson: Well, okay. Got us a hit. Los Angeles County sheriff's department found shell casings from the same gun used in a gang murder two years ago. Catherine: They get a conviction on the suspect? Bobby Dawson: No. Guy beat the rap. "Timothy Fontaine, aka 'Tiny Tim.'" Member of the Snakebacks current residence unknown. Catherine: I bet I could find where he stays in Vegas. Bobby Dawson: Hey. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. POOLSIDE -- DAY] Catherine: I guess Tiny's mother can be proud of her son for one thing. He sure knows how to clean a room. Vega: Well, there is one Snakeback still in town. Catherine: Who's that? Vega: That guy right over there. Catherine: What's his Dealio? Jerome Anderson: Okay, I'm the man, I take care of my people. Vega: That is Jerome Anderson. Aka, The Man. Catherine: The man? Vega: The man. Technically a former snakeback who shed his skin and worked his way into the real world. Record producer, clothing designer, sports agent. Catherine: Why didn't you get a warrant for his room? Vega: We're working on it. He's got an entire law firm on retainer. (CATHERINE and DET. VEGA reach JEROME ANDERSON and his group.) Jerome Anderson: ...Five percent here, ten percent there. Better get back in the ring, Laroi, and keep fighting. See, what Laroi needed was a giver not a taker. That's why he came to me, the man so I could stand by his side and give him honest representation. Police. Another thing that the man understands because he comes from the same place as today's athletes. Vega: I'm Detective Vega. This is Catherine Willows from the crime lab. We'd like to ask you a few questions. Catherine: Hello. Jerome Anderson: The man ain't got nothing to hide. Vega: We're looking for members of the snakebacks. A Timothy Fontaine, in particular. Jerome Anderson: No idea. The man is here on business. Catherine: So are we. Do you mind if I ask how the man got the burn mark on his neck? (JEROME stands up.) Jerome Anderson: Well, all the ladies say that the man is hot. I guess I must have just burned myself and forgot all about it. (JEROME jumps up and talks with another man.) Jerome Anderson: No, you didn't. Are you crazy? No, no, no, no. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Ooh, ooh ... (The Man walking by leaves.) Catherine: I guess you are hot. Jerome Anderson: Oh, that's old. The man is all about the new. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB] (WARRICK is in front of the computer. GRISSOM walks in.) Grissom: Did you get a hold of that cut man? Warrick: Yeah, we found sufentanil in a bottle of coagulant in the guy's kit. Grissom: Doesn't make sense. If the cut man did it why would he hold on to the evidence? Warrick: I was thinking the same thing. I'm not convinced he actually knew it was in his kit. The prints that I got off the bottle came back to ... Gerry Barone, the victim's manager. Grissom: And I thought Don King was bad. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY] (BRASS and WARRICK interview GERRY BARONE.) Gerry Barone: The reason my prints are in the system is I'm a foster parent. Six kids in thirty years. Treated them like my own. Trained them, took them off the streets. Brass: We know that. We know you're a good guy. So what made you dope up Laroi Steele? Warrick: We found your prints on a bottle of coagulant. It was laced with a sedative. Found it in the cut man's kit. (WARRICK sits down.) Gerry Barone: I was trying to save Laroi. Warrick: By drugging him? Gerry Barone: We kept it out of the press but in their last fight, Molina hurt him bad. Warrick: How bad? Gerry Barone: The signs were all there in training-- sagging eye, drooping shoulder, brain damage down the road. Laroi couldn't handle another beating. But I couldn't talk him out of this fight. Molina got under his skin. Laroi wouldn't let it go. (beat) taught him not to quit. (Quick flashback to: In the ring, LAROI STEELE takes a beating from MOLINA. GERRY BARONE drops the bottle into the CUT MAN'S kit.) Gerry Barone: (V.O.) I was trying to get him out alive. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Gerry Barone: Laroi was 16 years old the first time I saw him fight. And the only thing faster than his hands was his mouth. There was this one time he made his sparring partner laugh so hard the man pissed his trunks before he hit the mat. (A look of pride for his fighter graces his face and laces his voice.) Can you imagine that? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - MAIN DESK] (NICK returns MRS. RAMSEY'S ring to her. MR. RAMSEY looks at the ring.) Nick: Yeah. We arrested the guy and recovered all the jewelry. Mrs. Ramsey: Thank you so much, Mr. Stokes. Nick: Not a problem. I just need you to fill out some documentation and then I can release your ring back to you, okay? Mr. Ramsey: That's not your ring. Mrs. Ramsey: Of course it is. Mr. Ramsey: I'm telling you, that is not the ring I gave you. That's a different cut. Mrs. Ramsey: Now I wore this ring on my finger every day for five years. I think that I ... Mr. Ramsey: I bought you that ring. Who do you think spent the week looking for the perfect stone for our first anniversary? Nick: Sir, I matched every item recovered to a log provided by the jewelry store piece for piece. Mr. Ramsey: Then maybe you should explain to me why I'm not looking at my wife's ring. Nick: I need to explain to you? Mrs. Ramsey: Come on, Mack. Mr. Ramsey: How do I know you didn't switch this ring out? Nick: Man, I would N ... 'cause that's not the way it works. Mr. Ramsey: Oh, we screw the out-of-towners and nobody's going to care, right? Nick: Are you making a formal accusation? Mr. Ramsey: You bet I am. Nick: Knock yourself out, Big Dog. Forms are at the front desk. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB] (WARRICK watches the pre-fight press conference video with SARA.) Warrick: Okay ... it's about a month ago at a pre-fight press conference. Steele: (on video) Check it out, he lost the last couple of times. I'm the one who did all the whupping. And I'm just going to do a three-peat, baby, you know? Molina: (on video) What I'm saying is anytime, anyplace, Laroi. Steele: (on video) You can't wait to get whupped, is that it? (On the video, MOLINA stands up.) Sara: Steele is slurring his words. Warrick: Fast forward to the fight. (WARRICK starts the tape.) Watch his shoulder, how he keeps dropping it. Sara: The manager was right. Pugilistic dementia. Warrick: They say eight out of ten boxers suffer some form of brain damage later on in life. Sara: The greatest-- muhammad ali. Steele must've known what was happening to him. Warrick: He would never admit it. Fighters need to psych themselves up before a fight. They got to believe they're going to win. Or they'd never fight. Sara: In a way, every opponent Laroi Steele fought contributed to his death. (wonderingly) I don't know if he was incredibly stupid or just ... brave. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] Lawyer: We'll contest this on the grounds that your request to the Judge was based on a specious connection to the Snakebacks. Catherine: Contest all you want. It's still coming after the fact. Open. (JEROME ANDERSON turns toward CATHERINE and opens his mouth. CATHERINE turns her head away.) Vega: The warrant was based on physical findings. Lawyer: A burn mark? Could have happened anywhere. (CATHERINE takes the sample.) Catherine: Well ... Jerome is under the misguided impression that he's a one-man pyrotechnic display. Watch too many movies and kids start to think that people actually shoot like that. (Quick flashback to: JEROME ANDERSON fires the gun as he holds it sideways. The empty shell ejects and hits him on the side of the neck, leaving the small burn mark. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Lawyer: The most you're going to prove is my client was in the vicinity. Period. That's it. Catherine: If his DNA matches what we found on the shell casing we'll be able to extend the scope of the warrant. Lawyer: If it matches. Vega: File says you're a smart guy. Three years in Georgetown. Why turn stupid all of a sudden? Give us the guy we're looking for. Catherine: Look, we all know that you forget what the word "Loyalty" means as soon as you step away from the mirror so what do the Snakebacks get you? Jerome Anderson: R-E-S-P-E-C-T, baby. Catherine: I thought that's what college was for. Jerome Anderson: (chuckles) I went to school. In fact, I have carefully analyzed business models of African American entrepreneurs such as Darian Daze at Dis-Kard Enterprises which grosses $250 million a year. And my analysis has led me to understand that an emerging CEO needs to have as solid a command of flow charts and spreadsheets as he does a bad-ass street rep. And let me tell you something, Sweetness, I got it all coming and going. So the more you try to stress me the more you're just selling me to the people on the streets. Catherine: So crime pays. Jerome Anderson: Oh, don't hate the player, hate the game. Catherine: Right, you don't make the rules, you just exploit them. Jerome Anderson: Ain't that a bitch. (He smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (NICK looks at MRS. RAMSEY'S ring under the scope. He swabs the ring.) (Cut to: NICK takes the stone out of the ring. He compares it to a real diamond. He shines light on it and sees the difference immediately.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS] (NICK walks out of the lab. He runs into GRISSOM.) Grissom: Nice work on that jewelry heist. Nick: Yeah, well, it's not done yet, but ... Grissom: You got the guy. Nick: Oh, yeah, it was a little rough. We had to check a few ER's, but we snatched him up. Grissom: Being efficient is not a bad thing, Nick. Nick: Yeah. Why are you tossing me a softball and putting everyone else on real cases? Grissom: You wanted to work solo. Nick: Yeah, but it's like Night of the Pifflings out there and I'm on a smash and grab. Grissom: Pifflings? Nick: (explains) Puffin offspring. First time out of the nest every year they crash land in this town near iceland because they are attracted to the lights of human civilization. It's the same way people flock to Vegas for a fight. (For a moment, GRISSOM stares a NICK. Then his face lights up as though he's finally figured it out.) Grissom: Animal Planet. (GRISSOM turns and walks down the hallway.) Nick: (calls out) How come when you talk about bugs everyone says you're a genius but when I talk about birds everyone says I watch too much television? Grissom: I don't know. Look, the next night of the pifflings you get the first dead body. Nick: Copy that. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT LAB] (GRISSOM turns the corner and walks into the room. ROBBINS is already there with SARA and WARRICK. On the table are x-ray photographs.) Robbins: The victim suffered tripod fractures of the zygomatic arch in two places. There's also a fracture of the orbital floor. (Points to a x-ray photo.) This tripod fracture of the zygoma that caused the flattening of the victim's face. It indicates that he was struck with an extremely powerful blow. Grissom: Which couldn't be caused by normal boxing gloves. Sara: We checked Molina's gloves. There's nothing in them or on them. Grissom: We're missing something. (GREG walks in.) Greg: We have a problem. Warrick: Pile it on. Greg: Well, in the interests of posterity I took it upon myself to establish provenance for the killer gloves I mean DNA-wise. On my own time, of course of which I have precious little so that should count for something. Grissom: (exasperated) Greg, why are you always doing this? Greg: (simply) Because you make me nervous. (beat) My point is, the epithelials found on the surface of the glove. They're not Laroi Steele's. Those aren't the gloves that killed him. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LOCKER ROOM - DAY] (WARRICK breaks the lock on the locker and opens it. GRISSOM remains a distance away and looks around.) (WARRICK picks up the boxing gloves.) Warrick: Gloves look brand-new. Padding's still stiff. It's like they've never been used. (WARRICK bags the gloves. GRISSOM still looks at the locker from the distance. WARRICK finds something on the ground.) Warrick: What are all these dots? (He picks it up. Camera zooms in for a close up.) Warrick: Looks like a little piece of red leather. (WARRICK keeps a sample. GRISSOM kneels down and looks at the grating on the ground. Camera zooms in for a close up.) Grissom: Hmm ... and more mercury. Warrick: Well, Molina does take it for his stomach, right? Grissom: He's a sloppy eater. Warrick: Hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PRACTICE GYM -- DAY] (GRISSOM and WARRICK enter the gym.) Grissom: Mercury's volatile. It emits a toxic vapor at room temperature. Warrick: So you're saying if I find the vapor I find the mercury. (WARRICK plugs the machine in. He turns off the lights. He and GRISSOM check out the boxing ring and the various gym apparatus.) Warrick: Grissom. (GRISSOM looks at and sees the vapors.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (SARA takes out MOLINA'S tape. She pieces together the signature for "ADELLE CROSS".) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (BRASS and SARA interview ADELLE CROSS, the fight promoter.) Brass: That your signature? Adelle Cross: Yeah. That's my signature. So what? Brass: Well, according to fight rules you were supposed to watch Molina wrap his hands and sign them, then watch him put on his gloves and then sign those. Adelle Cross: Which is what I did. Sara: Okay, you signed his wraps but the gloves that we found were not the gloves used in the fight. Molina switched them. Adelle Cross: There's no way. Brass: You watched Molina glove up? Adelle Cross: Not exactly. (Quick flashback to: JAVIER MOLINA is getting ready in the locker room. His gloves aren't on yet. He tells everyone to get out.) Javier Molina: Come on. Get her out of here. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Adelle Cross: Look. It was a big fight. There was a lot of pressure. You've got to give the fighters a little space. Sara: So, no one saw him put his gloves on. Adelle Cross: I guess not. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL LOBBY] (MRS. RAMSEY walks through the lobby with NICK.) Mrs. Ramsey: I should have called you first to apologize for my husband's unfortunate outburst. Nick: You know what? You should apologize. But not for your husband. Mrs. Ramsey: Excuse me? Nick: You know damn well your diamond isn't a diamond. It's a substance called moissanite. Mrs. Ramsey: Really? Nick: Really. White light refractions and inclusions of your stone are inconsistent with a real diamond's. Mrs. Ramsey: Then the thief must have switched the stone before you caught him. Nick: The thief ... Yeah ... I don't think so. Because before the store could clean your ring I was able to collect DNA. Mrs. Ramsey: Wow, that's very thorough of you. Isn't it? Nick: You know, it's my guess you switched out the stone some time ago because judging from your husband's response he knew nothing about it. Mrs. Ramsey: Mr. Stokes, can I ... ? You're from Texas, aren't you? 'Cause I can always tell. Nick: I'm a criminalist for Clark Country, Nevada. Mrs. Ramsey: Yes, well, one's body might reside elsewhere but one's heart never really leaves home, does it? Look, all you have to do is say that you recovered a fake diamond which is the truth. Nick: So you can file a false insurance claim which is a felony? Better yet, why don't I have an adjuster come over to your place and check out all your rocks see which ones are real and which ones you've switched out? No? Look, if you find yourself in a hole, the best thing to do is stop digging. You know what I mean? Mrs. Ramsey: Sounds like a plan. Nick: Put it in motion. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (GRISSOM watches as they wheel in racks of clothes.) Grissom: I guess clothes do make "The Man." Catherine: In this case, "The Man" makes the clothes ... and produces the music ... and represents the athletes ... when he's not involved in street shootings, of course. Grissom: And when you asked him what he was wearing the night of the murder, he couldn't remember? Catherine: As far as he's concerned murder is just another way to separate himself from the Calvins and Ralphs of the world. Grissom: Calvin and Ralph? Catherine: Klein and Lauren. Fashion. Grissom: Oh. Well, for most CSIs, fashion is irrelevant. Catherine: Speak for yourself. The only thing between me and a wardrobe like this is a few extra zeros on my paycheck. Grissom: Well, what's standing between you and this Tiny Tim character? Catherine: The mojave. Highway patrol is out looking for our guy. Odds are that Tiny Tim is back in L.A. Evidence disposed of along the way. That means my last chance of connecting the dots is somewhere along these racks. Fibers, GSR, blood. Vega: Hey. Guess who never left town? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. -- NIGHT] (VEGA shows CATHERINE the body. A 10 of clubs playing card is tucked in the victim's shirt.) Catherine: Calling card? Vega: 10th street vandals. (CATHERINE leans down and looks at the firearm next to the victim.) Catherine: .380 automatic. Tiny's favorite piece. Vega: Odds are it traces back to the original murder. Catherine: Same as it always does. Vega: Somebody gets dissed. (Quick flashback to: The fight. The first victim walks along side the ring. He's on the phone and just happens to step on JEROME ANDERSON'S foot.) Catherine: (V.O.) Wrong place, wrong time. It doesn't take much to set someone off. (JEROME ANDERSON stands up and pushes the man aside. He starts running across the lobby as he did in the teaser. JEROME ANDERSON and his gang follow behind him.) (They catch up with him in the parking lot. One of the gang fires the gun killing the man in the parking lot.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: The snakebacks kill a vandal. Then the vandals kill a snakeback. Vega: Everyone goes home satisfied. Catherine: Round and round and round it goes. Where it stops, nobody knows. (CATHERINE snaps a photo.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (WARRICK and GRISSOM walk through the hallway on their way to the lab.) Warrick: There was this one case where a boxer put lead shot in his gloves to increase his punching power. And also ancient greek limapulists used a glove weighted with metal, called a "cestus." Grissom: You making a classical reference? Warrick: Yeah. I thought you'd like that. (They walk into the lab where SARA is looking through the scope.) Grissom: Question is, if Molina was using mercury to load up how'd it get into his gloves? Sara: Well, he injected it. (SARA rolls away from the scope allowing WARRICK to look through it.) Those circular pieces of leather that you found in Molina's locker are the same diameter as a 14-gauge needle. Grissom: Well, mercury's incredibly dense. (Quick CGI POV of the needle piercing through the red leather glove and inserting the mercury inside the glove.) Grissom: (V.O.) It could easily be contained in the leather in the form of a boxing glove. (End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Sara: The boxing gloves weighed eight ounces so the question is, would a few ounces of mercury be enough to cause the damage that we observed on the victim? Warrick: Right. Grissom: I smell an experiment. (GRISSOM looks at SARA. SARA smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (GRISSOM ties the gloves on WARRICK.) Warrick: All right. Normal gloves. (WARRICK takes his position in front of the punching bag.) Ready. Sara: And ... go. (WARRICK starts punching the bag. The machine records the force of the hits. WARRICK looks over at SARA.) Warrick: Good? Sara: Little more. (SARA looks at WARRICK and smiles.) Good. (WARRICK stops.) (Cut to: SARA loads the gloves with mercury. She hands the gloves to GRISSOM.) Sara: Loaded gloves. Warrick: Ready? Sara: And ... go. (WARRICK hits the punching bag.) Warrick: Ooh, these things are heavy. (The monitor recording the force of the punches goes on "OVERLOAD". SARA stops WARRICK.) Sara: Good. Good, good. (WARRICK stops. He raises his hands and walks over to see the results.) Grissom: And mercury kills Steele. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (SARA, BRASS and WARRICK re-question JAVIER MOLINA.) Javier Molina: Boxing is a combat sport. Sometimes fighters die, okay? That's all part of the game. Lawyer: Laroi Steele's death was a tragedy not a murder. Brass: It became when your client injected mercury into his gloves. Sara: And your hands, Molina literally, became lethal weapons. (Quick flashback to: MOLINA warming up in the locker room. He opens the locker and takes the syringe. He injects the mercury into the tips of the gloves.) (Cut to: In the ring, MOLINA fights STEELE. When he's not throwing a punch, his hands are down at his sides.) Warrick: (V.O.) Heavy gloves. That's why you kept your hands to your side. It also kept the mercury on the tip of your glove. (Cut to: MOLINA punching the bag during practice. Little beads of mercury fall to the floor. Cut to: MOLINA throwing punches in the ring.) Sara: (V.O.) With every punch a little bit got forced down through the padding through the seams and on to your hands. That's how it got on your wraps. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: And into your lungs. Sara: And finally out into your urine. We tested the sample that you gave the boxing commission after the fight. It came back positive for mercury. Javier Molina: I have empacho. I take mercury for my stomach problems. Warrick: We didn't find mercury in your stomach. We found it in your locker, on your gym bags, on your wraps ... Sara: When the fight was over, your trainer cut the tape off your gloves and you took the pieces and put them in the hamper along with a pair of sparring gloves, just in case anybody wondered what had happened to them. Warrick: But the real gloves were in your gym bag at that hospital, weren't they? Sara: Steele had already kicked your ass ... twice before? Must have been humiliating. Javier Molina: You push a man too far, there are consequences. (Quick flashback to: At the press conference, LAROI STEELE smiles at MOLINA. MOLINA glares at STEELE. Cut to: MOLINA in the ring glaring at STEELE. Cut to: MOLINA punching STEELE. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: You knew there was no way you could beat Steele in a fair fight. Warrick: The best way to punish a guy is to beat him to death in the ring in front of two million people on pay-per-view. Javier Molina: (smiling) That's boxing. Brass: No, that's murder. I'll see you in court. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. OBSERVATION ROOM/HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM watches from the Observation Room and smiles. He leaves the room and walks through the hallway.) Officer 1: So that means the title's vacant, right? Officer 2: Not for long. I heard it's Lopez versus Lewis at Caesar's in six months. (GRISSOM shakes his head and leaves.)

A boxing champ dies in the ring after taking a brutal beating from his nemesis, but Grissom finds evidence that points to murder. Outside, in a nearby parking lot, Catherine works a crime scene where a Los Angeles gang member was gunned down, apparently by a rival gang. Also, Nick investigates a jewelry-store robbery.

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Act 1 Scene 1 - Cafe Nervosa Fade in. Niles and Daphne are at a table together, Frasier joins them. Frasier: What is this? St. Osric's Pre-Kindergartener Academy and Day Care Center? Do I hear the pitter-patter of petite elite feet? Niles: No, no, no. It's just that the wait list for St. Osric's is up to four years. So I thought we should get our application in now to be safe. Frasier: Very wise, Niles. You know, Lilith and I waited until Frederick was conceived before we enrolled him in private school. Niles: Mr. Procrastinator. Daphne: It's pre-kindergarten. They run around, they sing, they nap. I mean, how special can St. Osric's really be? Niles: Well, I hear the top two percent in coloring and putting away can pretty much write their own ticket. Frasier: Oh, Niles, guess who's coming to visit? Leland Barton. Niles: Really. From the Empire Club? Frasier: No, that's Barton Leland. Leland Barton was Mom's research assistant. They worked together closely for years. Niles: I don't remember him. Frasier: Oh, that's right. We were just boys when he moved to France. Apparently he gave up psychiatry and immersed himself in the Paris art world. Today he sits on the board of the Paris Museum of Modern Art. Niles: Wow. It takes a brave man to just chuck it all. Cross the ocean in pursuit of a new life in a new country. Daphne: [getting up] Or a brave woman. Niles: Oh, yes, that's absolutely right. That's exactly what you did. The brothers get up as well. Frasier: Just like Dr. Barton you bade farewell to the comforts of hearth and home and filled your sails with the winds of change and adventure. Daphne: I never looked at it that way. Now I'll have something to think about this afternoon when I'm rubbin' your dad's bum. She kisses Niles and leaves. Niles and Frasier consider the "adventure" in that. Fade out. Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Frasier opens the door and lets Roz in. She has Eddie and her dog, Ariel, with her. Frasier: Hello, Roz. Roz: Hi. Martin: Hey, Roz, how was the dog park? Roz: Well, I got a phone number. Martin: Oh, nice. Frasier: Is that why you people have pets? To get dates? Roz sits down on the couch. Roz: No, but it's a plus. I've never met one person who didn't get at least one date through their pet. Frasier: Well, meet me! Four years of high school and not a single encounter generated! Stupid fish. The doorbell rings. Frasier: Oh, that'll be Leland. Roz: Who's Leland? Martin: He was Hester's research assistant. Used to follow her around like a puppy. I think he was always a little bit jealous of me, to be honest. Not that he was alone. Frasier opens the door. Frasier: Dr. Barton. Leland: Hello, Frasier. Frasier: Good to see you. They shake and Leland comes in. Frasier grabs his garment bag and Leland gets his captain's bag. Martin gets up. Frasier: Let me take that for you. Leland: Thank you very much. Thank you. Hello. My God, look at you. I haven't seen you since you were about, what, seven years old. And you still look good in a suit. Martin, you have not changed a whit. Martin: Oh, my hair's gray and I've got a bullet in my hip. Leland: Well, I'm bigger and balder, but I don't want to hear about it. Martin laughs with him. Martin: Well, you look exactly the same, too. Roz gets up and shakes his hand. Leland: And you must be... I'm assuming you don't go by "Niles" anymore. Frasier: No, this is my producer Roz Doyle. My brother's not here. Leland: Ah. My sincerest apologies. You are a handsome woman. Roz: And it's nice to meet you, too. I guess I should be going. Leland: Oh, not on my account, I hope. Frasier: Please, Roz, stay if you like. Can I get anybody a drink? Leland: Well, not unless you happen to have any sherry. Frasier heads for the wine. Frasier: Oh, I think I can scare up a glass. Roz? Roz: Oh, I'll have a beer, please. Martin: Well, I can handle that. Roz: Come, sit down. Leland: Thank you. Martin heads for the kitchen. Roz and Leland sit on the couch. Roz: So, I hear you worked with Frasier's mom. Leland: Yes, I did. Did you know her? Roz: No. Leland: Pity. She was a remarkable woman. Brilliant, playful, passionate. I adored her. Frasier and Martin bring the drinks in and pass them around. Frasier: Here we are. Welcome back to Seattle. Leland: Thank you. Frasier: There we are. They all drink. Leland: This sherry is exquisite. Frasier: Oh, thank you. It's an Andalusian Amontillado I'm rather fond of. Leland: A connoisseur. I'm very surprised. Most Americans think that sherry is just for cooking. Frasier: Oh, my brother and I have always had a taste for it. Martin: Well, you didn't get any of that from me. I always hated the stuff. You know, come to think of it, so did your mom. Eddie jumps up on the couch next to Leland, puts his paw on his arm, and stares at him. Leland looks at him questioningly. Leland: Can I help you? Frasier: I'm sorry about that. Martin: Eddie, down. Eddie stays where he is. Leland: Why is he doing that? Frasier: I don't really know. He used to do that to me. But I'll tell you what, just don't get in a staring contest with him, that's what he wants. Martin gets up. Martin: Come on, Eddie, get down. I'm sorry, I don't know what got into him. I'll get him a treat. Martin leads Eddie off to the kitchen. Leland gets up and looks around the apartment. Leland: Frasier, this is remarkable. You and I seem to have the same taste in art. Rauschenberg, Otterson, African statuary and sculpture. Although, I must confess, I'm not familiar with that one. Frasier: Oh, that's because while most Ashanti statues are intended to ward off evil spirits, this one was designed to distract me while my pockets were picked at the Kinshasa Airport. He and Leland share a hearty laugh and then drink at the same time, their poses almost identical. Roz gets up. Roz: You two have a lot in common. Psychiatry and sherry and art... Leland: And furniture. That is a Coco Chanel sofa unless I'm mistaken. Frasier: It is an exact replica of the one in her Paris atelier. You know, not many people even notice it. Leland: Well, not many people have passed out drunk on the original. Frasier: Oh, I would love to hear that story. Leland: Well you are in luck, because I love to tell it. But first, let me thank you for making me feel so welcome. I must confess, I had some reservations about returning to Seattle, but you've dispelled them all. To you. They clink glasses and sip again. Frasier: Please. They sit down on the sofa together, take another sip and both make contented sighs. Eddie jumps up on the couch between them, looking back and forth, unable to make up his mind. Martin notices Roz staring at them. Martin: What's the matter? Roz: Nothing. On the sofa, Eddie continues to stare back and forth between Frasier and Leland. Fade out. THE WOES OF THE NAME Scene 3 - Niles' Apartment Fade in. Niles and Daphne are working on a pre-school application. Niles: Okay, we just need to fill in a name and I can get the application over to St. Osric's. Daphne: How can we have a name? I'm not even pregnant yet. Niles: Well, it's not THE name, it's just a place holder. Anything will do. Daphne: All right, how about, uh... Simon? Niles: As in your brother with the substance abuse problem, Simon? Daphne: There are other Simons, you know. Simon Templar, Simon Legree... Simon Chipmunk. Niles: Not exactly building a case for "Simon". How about Jill? Daphne: No, don't like it. That's the name of that weather tart on channel eight. Niles: All right, let's just pick a name at random. Like out of the phone book. Daphne: That's a good idea. Leave it to fate. Niles gets up and grabs the phone book. Niles: Okay. When I stop, you point. He riffles through the book in front of her and stops with it open. She jabs her finger at the page. Niles reads the name and sits back down to write it in. Niles: "Bob." Great. "Bob Crane." Okay, we're going to need some Wite-Out. He gets up and tosses the phone book back in it's place. Fade out. Scene 4 - Cafe Nervosa Fade in. Leland, Niles, Frasier and Martin walk in the front. Leland: Oh, listen to me. I've been talking your ears off for the last hour about psychiatry. Martin: Yeah, really. They walk over to a table where Roz is sitting. Frasier: Oh, Roz, do you mind if we join you? Roz: Oh, yeah, not at all. Martin sits. Niles: Leland, it is such a pleasure to talk shop with a fellow nutcracker. Leland: And talking to you Jung people makes me feel like an "id" again. They laugh. Niles: Do you have a pun, Frasier? Frasier: No, let's just sit down. The brothers take seats. Martin notices Roz staring at Leland, who is dusting his chair. Martin: What's wrong? Roz: Nothing. Frasier: Oh, you know, there is a wonderful Brassai exhibit in town. What do you say we stop over there after lunch? Leland: I would love that. I'm a big fan. Niles: Oh, I wish I could join you, I have patients all afternoon. I don't suppose you'd be willing to go now, would you? Leland: Oh, fine by me. Frasier: Oh, certainly, let's go get our coffee at the museum. The three of them get up. Frasier: Dad, Roz, any chance you'd like to take in some Parisian photos taken by an old Romanian master? Martin sarcastically holds a thinking pose for a moment. Martin: Hmm... no. Roz: Thanks, anyway. The trio heads out the door, a waitress calls after Frasier. Waitress: Oh, excuse me, your father forgot his umbrella. She holds out Leland's umbrella. Frasier: Oh, thank you very much. Here you go, "Dad." They all laugh and leave. Martin: Well, I don't blame her for that. Leland's more like 'em than I am. Roz: Really? You really think so? Martin: Oh, come on. How can you not see it? They're like three fancy peas in a pod. Roz: Well, I did notice that they have the same taste in art and music, and they even have some of the same mannerisms. Martin: Yeah. And Leland and Niles are both allergic to rose hips and Jerusalem artichokes. Weird, huh? Roz: When Leland started talking to me last night about how close he and Hester were, I started thinkin' what you're thinkin'. Martin gets a suspicious look. Martin: And what am I thinking? Roz: Nothing. Martin: What are you saying? You think he's their father? Roz: No, I wasn't saying that! Martin: Lot's of people like art and sherry and French stuff. It doesn't mean they're related. By your logic, everyone on the cooking channel is their father. Roz: Okay. Martin: Okay! Martin takes a sip from the cup in front of him. Martin: Ugh. What the hell is this? Roz: I don't know, it was there when I sat down. Martin: Ugh! He pulls back in disgust. Fade out. Scene 5 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Niles is on the couch, going through a manuscript. Leland comes out of the powder room. Niles: Leland, your autobiography is wonderful. Leland: Thank you. Let us hope that the publishing houses feel similarly. Niles: Ah. Have you shown it to Frasier? Leland: No I haven't. How's he feeling by the way? Niles: Let's go see. Bring the manuscript, he'd love to see it. His cell phone rings and he answers it. Niles: Hello. Oh, hello, Darling. [to Leland] Go ahead, I'll be right there. Leland walks back towards the bedroom and Niles returns to his phone call. Niles: Okay, so "Delilah" is out? No, that's fine, that's fine. What are your ideas? ... Taylor. Fletcher. Cooper. Tanner? Where are you getting these, the Big Book of Medieval Professions? Cut to - Frasier's bedroom. He is in bed, sick. Leland comes in. Leland: Frasier, how are you doing? Frasier: Oh, I'm afraid my stomach is still churning. I'm not going to be able to make dinner. Leland: Oh, I understand. Well, I'll leave you to rest. Perhaps, though, later if you're feeling better I can get your opinion on a short section of my autobiography. Frasier: Well, when I can't give an opinion you may as well call the coroner, tag my toe, I'm dead. Leland pulls a chair up. Cut to - the living room. Niles is still talking to Daphne. Niles: No. That's a kind of car. Martin comes in the front door. Martin: Hey, Niles. Niles: Hi. Martin: What's going on? Niles: Oh, we were going to go out to dinner with Leland, but Frasier's not feeling well. Martin: Oh. Well, maybe I'll go check on him. He puts his jacket away. Niles: [into phone] Now it just sounds like you're reading from the spice rack. Cut to - Frasier's room. Leland is reading aloud to Frasier. Leland: "I realized the sherpa had become my guide in more ways than one." Martin comes in. Frasier: Oh, that was wonderful. Read me another. Leland: No, no, go to sleep now. Frasier notices Martin. Frasier: Oh, Dad. Martin: Hey, Fraizh. I just was wonderin' how you were doin'. Frasier: Oh, well, not so good, actually. I'm afraid I'm going to have to skip dinner. Why don't you go in my place? Martin: Sure, if you want me to. Frasier: All right. You know, the two of you should get going, really. You'll miss the reservation. Leland gets up. Martin: Right. Get well, son. Leland: We'll be wishing you a speedy recovery. Frasier: Oh, thank you. Martin: Oh, Fraizh, you want me to bring you back something from the restaurant? Maybe some Jell-o to sooth your tummy? Frasier: Thank you, Dad, it's all taken care of. Leland's going to bring me some consomme and sorbet. Martin: Oh, okay. Martin leaves, disgruntled. Cut to - the living room as Leland comes in. Leland: Well, Niles, it looks like your dad is going to take Frasier's place at dinner. Niles: Oh, excellent. He gets up and lets out a groan. Leland: What's the matter? Niles: My leg's asleep. Leland: Oh, move your foot around. Niles: No, it's the whole leg. I'll just wait it out. Leland: But the movement will get the blood flowing. Go ahead, give it a try. Niles: No, I can't put weight on it. Leland: Sure you can. Give it a try. Come on, one step at a time. That a boy. Martin comes in to watch as Niles walks unsteadily across the room like a child to Leland, finally grabbing him for balance. Leland: Keep going, there we are. Martin just watches this in disbelief. Fade out. Act 2 [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 1 - KACL Fade in. Martin is talking to Roz in the booth. Roz: You really think your wife would have ever cheated on you? Martin: She did. She said it happened once. Roz: Oh, my God. With Leland? Martin: No, someone else. Roz: You know, I think that you're driving yourself crazy for nothing here. Of COURSE Frasier and Niles are your sons. You're exactly like them. Martin: Like? How? Roz: Your strong sense of ethics. Martin: Yeah, we are ethical. What else? Roz: The way they spin out of control. Martin: Yeah, that's true. They get that from me. Roz: Their stubbornness. Martin: I'm not stubborn. Roz: Their defensiveness. Martin: What's that supposed to mean? Roz: The way they completely dismiss anyone who doesn't share their opinion. Martin: Oh, now you're just being dumb. He gets up to leave. Roz: Hey, what is the worst case scenario? If you found out you weren't their father, would you love them any less? Martin: No, no. Well, yeah, a little maybe, at first. But no, I... I'd feel the same about them as I hope they would about me. Roz: Which they would. And you know that. Martin: Yeah. I mean, you'd still love Alice if you found out you'd gotten the wrong baby at the hospital. Roz: Sure. Martin: And as a cop, I've seen that happen more often than you'd think. Especially at Seattle General. Roz: I had Alice at Seattle General. Martin: Oh, sorry. But the point was, that you'd love her just the same, so who cares who her real mother is. Roz: I'M her real mother! Martin: Okay, geez. He holds up a hand to ward her off. Fade out. Scene 2 - Niles' Apartment Fade in. Niles and Daphne are on the couch, still trying for a hypothetical name. Niles: How about "Desmond"? Daphne: Desmond Crane. "Desmond Crane you are hereby sentenced to..." No, I don't like it. What about "Jack"? Niles: 'Fraid not. The first name ends with the same sound that begins the last name. So you either run them together "JacKrane", or you face the dreaded glottal stop "JacK Crane", "JacK Crane". It's unpleasant for the throat. Daphne: This conversation's unpleasant for the throat. Niles: Well, I know, I know. Okay... OH! Why don't we use the name of that nice nurse from when I was in the hospital? Daphne: "Fong" or "DeShandra"? Niles looks caught, but still puts on his game face. Niles: "Fong." Daphne throws her book down in disgust and gets up. Niles follows. Niles: Well, wait. Let's not drive ourselves crazy about this. It's a temporary name for a hypothetical child. Daphne: Yes, but once you give something a name, it makes it more real. And then that name will always have a sort of priority. I don't care how often you say "elevator" or "apartment" or "crossing guard," to me they'll always be "lifts" and "flats" and "lollipop men." Niles: Well then, tell you what. You pick a name and I'll accept it unconditionally. Daphne: "Milton". Niles: "Milton." Great poet and a great name. He sits and writes the name in on the application. Daphne: Great. Can we go to bed now? Niles: Yes.... He follows her up the stairs. Niles: Hey, didn't you have a soccer hooligan boyfriend named Milton? Daphne: Yeah. That's where I got it. Niles turns on his heel, a look of disdain on his face. He rushes down the stairs and erases the name. Fade out. Scene 3 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Niles is playing the piano, with Leland and Frasier looking on. They are singing "Modern Major-General" from "The Pirates of Penzance." Frasier: I know the kings of England and I quote the fights historical, From Marathon to Waterloo in order categorical. Niles: I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical, I understand equations both the simple and quadratical. Martin watches them, looking a bit left out. Leland: About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot of news, With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse. Together: With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse, With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse, With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse! Martin tries to join in. Martin: With awful facts about the scary hippopotamus! The others turn and look at him. Leland: What a wonderfully musical family you are. Martin: We sure are. Me and my boys. My boys and me. We're wonderful and we're musical. Leland: Martin, I can't tell you what a wonderful job you've done with them. Martin: Oh, it wasn't a job, it was a biological pleasure! And don't forget I had Hester. The phone rings. Frasier goes to answer it. Frasier: Oh, excuse me. Leland: Well, you were lucky. She was a splendid woman and a remarkable research partner. Martin: And an even better life partner. Leland: Well, I wouldn't know about that. Martin: [muttering] Damn straight you wouldn't. He heads for the kitchen as Frasier finishes his phone call. Frasier: Leland, your cab is waiting. Leland: Oh, so soon. Well, I can't thank you enough for all your courtesies. If you are ever in Paris you must allow me to repay your many kindnesses. I'm so proud of the way you boys have turned out. Martin: Leland, let me walk you out. Leland: Thank you. Niles: Bon voyage. Leland and Martin head out to the hallway. Cut to - the hall as they come out and Leland closes the door. Martin: Leland, there's a question I need to ask you. Leland: Yes, of course. Anything. Martin: I'm a little uncomfortable even bringing it up, but I don't think I could let you leave the country without knowing the answer. I know that you and my wife spent a lot of time together. That you were close... Leland: I... loved her very much. Martin: Then I guess my question is: How much? Leland: Enough to trust her with the fact that I'm gay. Martin lets out a half sigh/half laugh of relief. Leland: You know, forty years ago people weren't as accepting as they are nowadays. And without someone like her to confide in... she quite probably saved my life. The elevator opens, Leland grabs his bags and gets in. Martin: Leland, she loved you too. Leland: She really was something, wasn't she? Martin: She really was. They shake hands. Leland: Bye, Martin. Martin: Take care, Leland. The elevator closes and Martin goes back in. Cut to - the living room as he enters and sees Frasier and Niles at the piano again. Martin: My boys. His Boys: On a tree by a river, a littlie tom-tit Sang "Willow, tit-willow, tit-willow". And I said to him "Dicky-bird, why do you sit? Singing 'Willow, tit-willow, tit-willow'?" "Is it a weakness of intellect, birdie?" I cried "Or a rather tough worm on your little inside?" ["On a Tree By A River," from "The Mikado."] Martin throws his cane down in disgust, plops down in his chair and puts on his headphones, before turning on the TV. Fade out. [N.B. If the characters' ages are meant to reflect the true ages of the actors, then Leland/David Ogden Stiers would have been only fourteen when he was Hester's research assistant.] Scene 4 - Cafe Nervosa Fade in. Daphne is at the window seat, staring at the St. Osric's application. Roz walks in. Roz: Oh, my God, are you still stuck picking a name for that application? Daphne: Yeah, we can't come up with one. Roz sits down and grabs the paper. Roz: Oh God, give it to me. And then I'll fill it in and you'll never have to see it and you won't feel stuck with it. Daphne: That's a great idea. Roz thinks a moment, then starts writing. Fade Out. FIVE YEARS LATER Scene 5 - St. Osric's Pre-kindergartener Academy and Day Care Center Fade in. The applications committee is meeting. Director: Howard Clifton is officially accepted. Who do we have next? A committeeman picks up the next form. Committeeman: Last name "Crane", first name... "Ichabod". Director: Well, if they're not going to take the application seriously, how can we expect them to take St. Osric's seriously? He stamps it "ADMISSION DENIED" and puts it on the reject pile. [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier gets on the elevator next to a young man with a fish in a bag. At the next floor, a young girl gets on and immediately shows an interest in the fish. At the next stop, she gets off, taking the young man with her and leaving Frasier behind to agonize over the injustice of it all.

Frasier and his family receive a visit from Dr. Leland Barton ( David Ogden Stiers ), his late mother's research assistant, now settled in Paris. They find him sophisticated and erudite, with an interest in sherry and the arts - in short, surprisingly similar to Frasier and Niles. Roz even observes that they have some similar mannerisms, and when Leland confides in her how close he was to their mother, she cannot help considering the possibility that the similarities are more than just a coincidence. Martin makes some similar observations, and begins to feel unsettled by the thought. Niles and Daphne are also thinking about parenting , and although there are no children on the way yet, Niles is keen to get a place in advance at a decent kindergarten . The problem is that they have to put a name on the form.

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THE GREATEST SHOW IN THE GALAXY PART ONE Run time: 24:23 [SCENE_BREAK] Big Top [SCENE_BREAK] Ringmaster: Now welcome folks, I'm sure you'd like to know, we're at the start of one big circus show. There are acts that are cool and acts that amaze. Some acts are scary and some acts will daze. Acts of all kinds, you can count on that, from folks that fly to disappearing acts. There are lots of surprises for the family at the Greatest Show in the Galaxy! So many strange surprises, I'm prepared to bet, whatever you've seen before, you ain't seen nothing yet. [SCENE_BREAK] TARDIS [SCENE_BREAK] Ace (O.C.): Professor? The Doctor: Yes? Ace (O.C.): Have you seen my Nitro Nine? The Doctor: Isn't it in your rucksack? Ace (O.C.): Yeah, but where's my rucksack? The Doctor: Interesting question. Ace: Things don't just vanish. The Doctor: No. [SCENE_BREAK] Landing bay [SCENE_BREAK] TARDIS [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: What's that peculiar noise? Ace: What peculiar noise? I don't hear any peculiar. The Doctor: How extraordinary. The Doctor: It materialised inside the TARDIS. Just the kind of thing you'd expect to see in this part of the galaxy. Ace: Is that just what you'd expect too, Professor? The Doctor: Not entirely, no. Advert: Yes, it's festival time at the Psychic Circus, the Greatest Show in the Galaxy! So why not come along and have the time of your life with the nonstop action of its glittering circus ring. There's big prizes... Ace: No, I don't believe it. Junk mail. Used to get loads of this stuff through the letterbox and now we're being bombarded with it inside the TARDIS. The Doctor: Yes, junk mail gets everywhere. Advert: If you want to watch or you want to compete, there's a great time for you on the planet Segonax. The planet has easy access via our special polyportable landing bays. The Doctor: Oh, Ace, I thought you'd have been interested in the circus. Ace: No, kid's stuff. I went once. Didn't even have any tigers. It was naff and it was boring. Apart from the clowns, of course. The Doctor: What, you found them funny? Ace: No, creepy. The Doctor: I think you're being very unfair. A lot of the acts in the circus require a great deal of skill and courage. That's something you should appreciate. Anyway, I rather fancy entering the Festival talent contest myself. Ace: Oh no, not the spoons again. Advert: Scared? Ace: What? Advert: Scared to come to the Psychic Circus? Ace: No. Advert: Scared to take part? Ace: No, course not. Advert: Well, if you are, then go ahead, ignore me. I quite understand. Ace: I don't believe it. Junk mail that talks back. The Doctor: Shall we just fling it away and forget about it? I mean, I'm sure the Psychic Circus isn't scary at all. It's just a device to get us to go. Ace: Okay, you win, junk box. I'm not scared of anything. [SCENE_BREAK] Segonax [SCENE_BREAK] Flowerchild: Come on, we can't give up now. Bellboy: They'll catch us, I know it. They'll drag us back to the circus. Flowerchild: Oh, Bellboy, please. You promised. You know it's down to us now. We're the only ones left to fight. Come on. Bellboy: Flowerchild, look. Your kites, your beautiful kites. [SCENE_BREAK] Shoreline [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: So this is Segonax. Not quite the green and pleasant land we'd been led to expect. Still, I've had good reports of the friendliness of the natives. Ace: Don't see these landing bays, Professor. The Doctor: Oh, I expect that's for those not fortunate enough to possess a TARDIS. Ace: So now where? The Doctor: I'll ask for directions over there. [SCENE_BREAK] By the snack stall [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Good afternoon. I'm the Doctor, this is my friend Ace. Stallholder: What sort of costume do you call that? The Doctor: I don't understand. Stallholder: And her's is no better. We don't want your type around here. The Doctor: Ah, and what type might that be? Stallholder: Wierdos. You can tell them at a glance, you know. Ace: Friendly natives, eh, Professor? The Doctor: Let's not be hasty. [SCENE_BREAK] Shoreline [SCENE_BREAK] Flowerchild: There's no choice. Bellboy: No. The kites will track us forever. Flowerchild: One of us must get there. Flowerchild: I want you to have this. Bellboy: Thanks. Look, I'll wait here awhile and see if I can find a longer route round. I shall draw them after me. Flowerchild: No silly risks, now. Bellboy: Go on. Go on. [SCENE_BREAK] Segonax [SCENE_BREAK] Clown: They can't have lost them. Clown: I thought not. Bellboy: Come on, kites. Find me. [SCENE_BREAK] By the snack stall [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: Yuck. Do we really have to eat this muck? The Doctor: Elementary diplomacy, my dear Ace. She apparently thinks we're a pair of undesirable intergalactic hippies. We must try and convince her we're nice, clean-living people who eat up all our fresh fruit and pay our way. Ace: Paying good money for this muck is daylight robbery. Do I have to finish it? The Doctor: Every last bite. Besides, we want the charming lady to tell us how to find the circus, don't we. Delicious, madam. Quite delicious. [SCENE_BREAK] Segonax [SCENE_BREAK] Bellboy: Come on, then! It's me, Bellboy. It's who you're looking for, isn't it? What are you waiting for? Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] By the snack stall [SCENE_BREAK] Stallholder: More? The Doctor: Er, no. Delicious but extremely filling. I'm sure you will have gathered by now, dear lady, we're not the kind of hobbledyhoys and vagabonds you take such exception to. Indeed, as I said before, I'm known as the Doctor. Stallholder: Some people will call themselves anything. The Doctor: Yes, well, be that as it may, we would appreciate your help. You see, we're looking for... Stallholder: Here comes another one of your lot. Ace: Look at that ace bike, Professor. Ace: Need a hand? I reckon it could be a stuck valve. Nord: Get lost. Ace: It's a great bike. Nord: Go on, hop it, before I get angry. Ace: Well, if you don't want to save yourself some time, then it's up to you. Course, it could be a valve... Nord: I've told you, girl, get lost! Or I'll do something horrible to your ears. Ace: Suit yourself. I hope your big end goes. Stallholder: He'll be going there. They all go there, you know. The Doctor: Go where? Stallholder: The Psychic Circus. All the riff-raff go there. All the infernal extraterrestrials like him. Monopods from Lelex, Doctors. The Doctor: I don't understand. You say that he's going to the circus? Stallholder: Of course. Everyone of them who's up to no good goes there. We locals wouldn't touch it with a barge pole. The Doctor: Is it far, this appalling spectacle? Stallholder: Miles and miles. Why do you suppose he's got that noisy monstrosity polluting the countryside? Here, you're not thinking of going there, are you? The Doctor: No, no, the very idea, no. Just a moment, would you excuse me? The Doctor: Ace, any chance of a lift, do you think? Ace: Worth a try, I suppose. He doesn't look after that bike, you know. If only he'd let me have a go, The Doctor: Yes, yes, never mind, Ace. Let's concentrate on getting a lift to the circus. Excuse me. If you're going to the circus, I wonder if could possibly give... Nord: Do you want me to do something unpleasant to your face? The Doctor: No, not really, no. Nord: No one rides with me! For I am Nord, Vandal of the roads. [SCENE_BREAK] Painted bus [SCENE_BREAK] Conductor: Hold tight please. [SCENE_BREAK] Segonax [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Well, there's nothing like a nice walk in the countryside. Ace: And this is nothing like a nice walk in the countryside. The Doctor: Now, now, now, it could be worse. You could be carrying that heavy rucksack of yours. Ace: Yeah, what about my rucksack, Professor? What did you do with it? The Doctor: They seem to be in rather a hurry. Looking for customers. Ace: Well, I wouldn't be so chuffed if I kept getting visitors like Nord the Vandal, I suppose. The Doctor: That's true. But then, how do they expect a hard case like him to going to the circus anyway? Ace: Maybe he got conned, like I was. The Doctor: Something evil's happened here, I can feel it. Ace: To do with the circus? The Doctor: Who knows. Ace: Doctor, look. [SCENE_BREAK] Campsite [SCENE_BREAK] Captain: I was probably the first person to visit the valley for several millennia, at the very least. So something like this, which for the ordinary dull old stop-at-home might seem quite extraordinary, is just run of the mill as far as I'm concerned. Well, of course since you've never been... Mags: Captain. The Doctor: Greetings. I'm the Doctor and this is my friend Ace. Captain: And I am Captain Cook, the eminent intergalactic explorer. You happen to have heard of me, old boy? Mags: And I am Mags. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the Circus [SCENE_BREAK] Nord: Oi, white-face. White-face! Where do I park for the gig at the Psychic Circus? [SCENE_BREAK] Campsite [SCENE_BREAK] Captain: Mmm, delicious. My own special blend, of course. I take it everywhere. Bet you can't guess the blend, eh, Doctor? The Doctor: Well, I could be wrong, of course, but isn't it from the Groz Valley of Melogothon? Captain: Good. Very good. Ace: I'll give you a hand. The Doctor: Oh, Ace, wait a minute. Captain: Were you ever on Melogothon, Doctor? The Doctor: Well as a matter of fact, I was. Captain: The frozen pits of Overod are worth seeing, of course, though much overrated, I feel. All right for the trainee explorer. Old hands like myself need something a bit more exotic. The Doctor: Why come here, then? Captain: Sorry, old boy? The Doctor: I said, why bother to come here? Captain: Well, I'm told the Psychic Circus is quite an interesting little show, particularly at this time, when everybody turns up to compete in the Festival. Yes, besides, she wanted to come. The Doctor: Do you often travel together? Captain: Of late, yes. I found her on the planet Vulpana. Between you and me, old boy, she's rather an unusual little specimen. The Doctor: Of what? Captain: Ah, that would be telling, old boy. What about yours? The Doctor: I never think of Ace as a specimen of anything. Captain: Keep your shirt on, Doctor. Everything's a specimen of something. Take that robot over there, for example. Ace: What do you reckon, Professor? The Doctor: I suppose it was buried for some good reason. Ace: Well, maybe we'll find out what that reason was, eh, Professor? Ace: Gordon Bennett! The Doctor: Quick. Help, Captain. Captain: You don't often see one like that, do you. The Doctor: I've seen ones like this quite often enough, thank you very much. Ace: Do something! I've got it. Captain: Well, well. More tea, perhaps? [SCENE_BREAK] Segonax [SCENE_BREAK] By the snack stall [SCENE_BREAK] Bellboy: Excuse me. Stallholder: You can't lie down there, you know. Bellboy: At last. Clown: Where's the girl? Bellboy: She'll have reached there by now. Clown: If she has, she'll regret it. Stallholder: Is there no end to you wierdos? [SCENE_BREAK] Painted bus [SCENE_BREAK] Captain: It's obviously some sort of shrine. I saw one much like this on Dioscuros. The Doctor: A shrine or not, I can't help feeling something sinister happened here. Captain: I wonder you manage to explore anything. Everything seems to alarm you so. The Doctor: Not everything. I trust my instincts, and you may recall they're not always wrong. Ace: Oh, come on, Professor. Let's go and explore. Captain: I agree with your young friend. Let's explore. [SCENE_BREAK] On the bus [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: Here, look at this. Captain: I say. Well, well, well, it is quite something. Ace: Wonder if it still goes. Captain: Yes. The Doctor: Ace, I wouldn't. Conductor: Any more fares, please? Any more fares, please? No standing inside. Hold tight, please. Captain: I say, steady on, old chap. Conductor: Fares please. Hold on tight. Ding, ding. Captain: No, no, no, you've got it wrong, old boy. He's paying the fares, not me. Conductor: Any more fares? The Doctor: I would like a ticket, actually. I'd like a there and back off peak weekend break supersaver senior citizen bimonthly season with optional added facilities a free cup of coffee in a plastic glass a crocodile sandwich and make it snappy, you mechanic moron! The Doctor: If I might take a look at that ticket machine of yours? The Doctor: Ah, yes. The Doctor: Just the ticket. [SCENE_BREAK] Ticket office [SCENE_BREAK] Morgana: What have you done? Clown: Not nearly enough. Morgana: We need him. Clown: He'll have to be punished, Morgana. Bellboy: Flowerchild? Morgana: No. Bellboy: Flowerchild. Morgana: Where is she? Clown: He still thinks she may have escaped. Morgana: Listen, Bellboy, I... Clown: Save your breath. Take him back in the ring. He knows what's waiting there. Bellboy: No. No. No! No! No! Morgana: What if a visitor arrives now? Clown: If they come, they come. [SCENE_BREAK] Painted bus [SCENE_BREAK] Captain: Letrepos, for example. Sights like this are every day. The Doctor: Some people can't bear to be proved wrong. Ace: He'd have let tinhead do you in. The Doctor: Oh, let's not bear a grudge. He can't help being a pompous, selfish, self-satisfied meddler. Ace: Hmm. Mags might be okay if he wasn't around. The Doctor: If a little odd. Ace: Doctor, look. The Doctor: Do you like it? Ace: Yeah. The Doctor: Well, if the keeper's not here, the finder has it. Ace: Ace. Ace: What do you reckon happened here, Professor? Were the people in this bus attacked on their way to the circus? The Doctor: Presumably. Whoever attacked them, destroyed them and wrecked the bus. Ace: And the evil you felt, was that the bus conductor? The Doctor: Yes, I think so. Anyway, whoever left him here on guard's gone now. Perhaps millennia ago. Ace: Nothing to do with the circus being scary? The Doctor: I'm afraid I think not. No, that was all just good publicity. Ace: Pity. It might have made it more interesting. Are we still going there then? The Doctor: Yes. I feel just in the right mood. And after two brushes with death in one day, I hope you might be. Ace: If you say so, Doctor. The Doctor: Ah, so, Doctor. You can remember. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the circus [SCENE_BREAK] Captain: On one of my trips to Neogorgon there was a whole planet with electronic dogs' heads submerged in mud. [SCENE_BREAK] By the snack stall [SCENE_BREAK] Whizzkid: Hi! Stallholder: Hello, young man. Just arrived from the landing port? Whizzkid: That's right. Stallholder: Oh, you've no idea what a relief for me it is to see such a nice, clean, respectable young man, after the riff-raff I usually have to deal with. Can I help you at all? Whizzkid: Yes, please. Could you tell me the way to the Psychic Circus? [SCENE_BREAK] Ticket office [SCENE_BREAK] Clown: The show is about to start. Morgana: I've seen enough already. Captain: Greetings, my good woman. This is the Psychic Circus, isn't it? Morgana: Why yes, that's right. Captain: Ah, sounds like things are going well. Come along, Mags. Morgana: But er... Captain: But what? Morgana: You can't go in just now. There is a speciality act being rehearsed. Captain: All the better, my dear. Morgana: No, you don't understand. Captain: Thank you, my good fellow. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the Circus [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Not as far as we feared. Look. Ace: I still think clowns are creepy. The Doctor: Nonsense. The Doctor: Listen, they're having a good time in there. Ace: Don't you hear it? The Doctor: Hear what? Ace: That screaming. The Doctor: I can't hear anything. Ace: I was sure I heard... The Doctor: Oh, you're just making excuses because you don't like circuses. Ace: No. No, it's not that. The Doctor: Well, are we going in or aren't we?

Bellboy and Flowerchild escape the Psychic Circus but are pursued by the Chief Clown. The Doctor and Ace meet other visitors to Segonax, some of whom are not what they seem...

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fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_03x05_0

INT. MACLAREN'S (subtitled, 'the year 2007,' Robin, Ted, Barney, Lily and Marshall sit at booth, Ted waves at girl entering bar who waves back and walks over to him) Future Ted VO: Kids, back in the fall of 2007, I was dating this girl named...oh God, what was her name? It's been 23 years, I can't remember all this stuff. For the sake of the story, let's call her... Ted: Everyone, this is Blah-blah. Blah-blah: Please call me Blah. Marshall: So, Blah, how did you two meet? Blah-blah: Well, I was taking this cooking class, French fusion, and everyone already had a partner but then I looked up, and across a crowded room, I saw Ted. It was magical. Ted: It was so magical. (Ted and Blah-blah kiss) Future Ted VO: Except it wasn't. (flashback to 'one hour earlier,' Barney, Robin, Ted, Marshall and Lily enter MacLaren's) Ted: She's gonna tell some bogus story about a cooking class because she's embarrassed we met online. Marshall: Ay, Chihuahua. (Everyone sits down at booth) Ted: What? There's no stigma anymore. Robin: Oh, there's a stigma. That's why people always say there's no stigma anymore. Barney: So, she's hot. Ted: Oh, she's gorgeous. Barney: Then she's crazy. Ted: No she's not. Barney: Ted, the only hot girls that troll the Internet for dudes are crazy, hookers or dudes. Ted: OK, she's not crazy, she's not a hooker, she's not a dude. Though there's this guy I pass on my work every day who's all three, scares the crap out of me. Barney: There's no way she's above the line on the hot-crazy scale. Ted: She's not even on the hot-crazy scale. She's just hot. Robin: Wait, hot-crazy scale? Barney: Let me illustrate. (Barney draws with his finger in the air a 90 degree angle as a graph) Barney: A girl is allowed to be crazy... (Barney writes the word 'crazy' on the x-axis of graph) Barney:... as long as she is equally hot. (Barney writes the word 'hot' on the y-axis of graph) Barney: Thus, if she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. (Barney draws an 'x' on the graph) Barney: If she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. (Barney draws another 'x' up and to the right of the first 'x') Barney: You want the girl to be above this line (Barney draws a line at 45 degree angle) Barney: Also known as the Vicky Mendoza diagonal. This girl I dated, she played jump rope with that line. She'd shave her head... (Barney draws circle in 'crazy' part of scale) Barney:...then lose ten pounds. (Barney moves his finger to the left into 'hot' part of scale and draws another circle) Barney: She'd stab me with a fork... (Barney moves his finger higher up on the 'crazy' side of the scale and draws another circle) Barney:... then get a boob job. (Barney moves his finger to the left into the 'hot' side of the scale and draws another circle) Barney: I should give her a call. (Barney reaches into his jacket inside pocket) OPENING CREDITS INT. MACLAREN'S Ted: OK, so please, just play along with her fake story. We met in a cooking class. Barney: I don't know, Ted, I don't know if I can just play along with your crazy girlfriend's fake story. Now, if you had said fake breasts... Ted: She's not crazy. Barney: OK, we'll see. (back to present scene) Blah-blah: Long story short, thank goodness I'm such a bad cook or I never would have met Ted. Barney: It's crazy how cute that is. It's crazy. Ted: You know who else has a really cute story of how they met? Marshall and Lily. You guys should tell that story right now. Blah-blah: Yeah. Marshall: All right, but spoiler alert, it ends with everyone saying 'aw.' Lily: Aw. Marshall: Starts with it too. Future Ted VO: When you've been a couple as long as Marshall and Lily, telling the how we met story becomes a choreographed dance. Lily: It was late August 1996 Marshall: Lily and I were both freshmen moving into Lily, Marshall: Hewitt Hall. (flashback to 'the year 1996,; College Lily in her dorm room) Marshall VO: And she needed some help setting up her stereo. (College Lily walking down hallway to room 110) Lily VO: For some unknown reason, I felt drawn to room 110. Marshall VO: As if she knew that someone very special was behind that door. Lily VO: And as fate would have it, that someone was Marshall. Marshall, Lily VO: It was love at first sight. College Marshall: Hi. College Lily: Hi. (back to present scene) Blah-blah: Ohhh. Marshall: I know, right? Future Ted VO: Now, they perfected that story over hundreds of tellings. The first time Marshall told it to me, it was a little different. (flashback to College Ted and College Marshall playing video games in their dorm room) Marshall: Dude, this black-haired Goth chick stopped by today, (singing) wanna tap that. (back to present scene) Blah-blah: You guys are so lucky. You know, when Ted and I were cooking and our hands touched for the first time, I knew right then that after class he would take me up on the roof, kiss me and give me a rose, which he did. (Everyone nods in silence) Blah-blah: Saw 'aw.' Everyone: Aw. Blah-blah: I know, right? I'll get the next round, OK guys. (Blah-blah gets up and walks over to bar, Barney looks at Ted) Ted: Anybody'd be stressed out meeting new people. She's not crazy. Crazy generous maybe, buying us drinks. (Barney is about to say something) Ted: Shut up. (back from commercial break) Blah-blah: So, we know how Marshall and Lily met. Robin, how did you and Barney meet? Robin: No, no no no no no no no no no no no no no. Barney and I are not together. No. No. Barney: Really? Sixteen no's. Really? Blah-blah: So, you're single. Robin: Yeah. Blah-blah: Hm. Oh, so, pretty and single and friends with Ted. Great. Ted: You know who else is friends with Ted? Marshall. How did we meet? It's a good story, I'm gonna tell it right now. Uh, it was the first day of college. (flashback to 'the year 1996,' College Marshall is sitting on bottom bunk in dorm room reading magazine) Future Ted VO: Kids, to understand this story, you need to know that your Uncle Marshall was doing something that lots of college kids do. How do I say this? He was, uh, let's say eating a sandwich. (College Marshall brings a sandwich up to his mouth, takes a bit and starts laughing, College Guy runs and pokes head through Marshall's door) College Guy: Dude, I heard the dean is coming. Put out your sandwich. (College Guy runs off, College Marshall gets up and puts his sandwich out in an ashtray, covers sandwich with his magazine, Marshall sprays air freshener in room, College Ted enters through door) College Ted: Hey. College Marshall: Good afternoon, sir. I'm Marshall Eriksen. College Ted: Sir? Please, just call me Ted. (College Marshall and College Ted shake hands) College Marshall: OK, Dean Ted. College Ted: Whoa. Someone's been eating a sandwich. College Marshall: What? No. Really? I don't know 'cause I don't even know what sandwiches smell like. My parents are gonna donate a lot of money to this school. College Ted: So you're bottom bunk, that's cool. I wanted the top bunk anyway. (College Ted puts his bags on the top bunk) College Marshall: What do you mean? College Ted: I'm your new roommate. College Marshall: This is so unfair. (back to present scene) Marshall: I didn't realize Ted wasn't the dean until later that night. (flashback to College Ted eating sandwich in dorm room, Marshall walks in) Marshall: You're not the dean. (College Marshall and College Ted start laughing) (back to present scene) Robin: College, good times. Blah-blah: Oh, I get it. Ted told you I didn't go to college so now you're giving me a cute little backhanded slap. Barney: Oh, here we go. (Barney claps lightly) Blah-blah: Well, while you were busy majoring in being freaking beautiful, I was starting my own line of handbags. Barney: Your own line of handbags? That's crazy. Blah-blah: These have sold in Japan. Robin, have you ever sold anything in Japan? Robin: Uh, no, but I would love to buy one of them if... Where can I get one? Blah-blah: I don't have a distributor here yet, but thanks for rubbing that in. Why are you trying to undermine me in front of Ted? Robin: Look, there's nothing going on between me and Ted. Blah-blah: Wow, that just came out of nowhere. Robin: No, I'm just saying you don't have anything to worry about. Blah-blah: I wasn't worried. Are you saying I should be? Robin: No, I'm saying that you shouldn't be. Blah-blah: Oh good, 'cause I'm not. Now, Robin, could you just let it go? You're making all of us really uncomfortable. Ted: You know what else is a good story, how Barney and I met. Barney, tell that story, right now. Please. Barney: OK, Ted, this is a crazy story. You're gonna love it. (flashback to 'the year 2001,' Barney and Ted are at the urinals standing next to each other) Barney: Tonight's the first time I'm taking my deaf brother out since our mom died. Ted: Oh, I'm sorry about that. Barney: No, it's OK. I have to take care of him now. Of course, I have had to put my dreams on hold in order to do it, but I'm happy to. He's my brother and I love him. I'm sorry, it's all still so fresh. Ted: Oh man, I'm really sorry. (Ted flushes and walks toward sink) Barney: Wow, you bought that? (Barney flushes and walks toward sink) Ted: What? Barney: I just made that up mid-pee. It worked on you, it's definitely gonna work on that blonde chick at the end of the bar. Unless you're a total idiot. What's your name? Ted: Ted. Barney: Are you a total idiot, Ted? Ted: Well, I'm still having this conversation, so... Barney: (laughs) Well played. (Barney walks toward door and opens it) Barney: I like you Ted. ('fifteen minutes later,' Ted sitting at booth, Barney slides in next to him) Barney: Ted, I'm gonna teach you how to live. (Ted looks at Barney confused) Barney: Barney. We met at the urinal. Ted: Oh right, hi. Barney: Lesson one, lose the goatee, it doesn't go with your suit. Ted: I'm not wearing a suit. Barney: Lesson two, get a suit. Sutis are cool. Exhibit A. (Barney points to himself) Barney: Lesson three, don't even think about getting married till your thirty. And lesson four, be totally silent for the next five minutes. (Audrey walks over to Barney and Ted's booth and sits down) Barney: Hey, Audrey, this is my deaf brother, Edward. Barney: (yelling at Ted) Edward, this is Audrey. Audrey: You know, I actually know some sign language. Audrey: (signing) Hi, my name is Audrey. Nice to meet you Barney: He doesn't sign. He's embarrassed by his hands. They're tiny and lady-like. Ted: (signing) I'm Edward. Nice to meet you too. Barney: What? You are over your hand issues. It's about time. Ted: (signing) My brother's a great guy. You should give him your phone number. (Ted hands Audrey a pen, Audrey writes on a napkin and slides it over to Barney) Audrey: Here. Call me. (Audrey gets up and leaves, Barney looks at Ted and gives him a thumbs-up) (back to present scene) Barney: And even though that girl ended up giving me a fake number, I knew that Ted and I would be each other's wingmen forever. Ted: Barney, it's time you knew, um, that story actually goes a little bit differently. (flashback to Ted signing to Audrey) Ted: (signing) He's lying to you. Just give him a fake number. (Ted hands Audrey a pen) (back to present scene) Barney: Great, funny. God, with a wingman like Ted, I might need to resort to meeting someone in a super desperate and lame way, like online. Online. Online. Blah-blah: Oh my God, you told them. Ted: OK, yes, I told them, but it's not a big deal. Lots of people meet on the Internet. That whole seeing a stranger across a crowded room thing, that only happens in the movies. Barney: Yeah, that never happens. Oh wait, except you and Robin. That's how you guys met, right? (flashback to 'the year 2005,' Ted standing in bar with Barney behind him, Ted notices Robin, Robin sees Ted and smiles) (back to present scene) Blah-blah: Wait, you guys dated. For how long? Robin: A year. But don't worry, the relationship wasn't that good. By the end, it was mostly about s*x, which was not that good. But I was the problem. I'd just lie there. Ted is very good. I'm sure he will get you where you need to go. Can I buy your bags online? Blah-blah: Oh, I see what's going on here, Ted, I'm just some random girl to make Robin jealous and after she takes you back, you probably won't even remember my name. (Blah-blah gets up and leaves table and walks over to bar) Ted: Come on, blah-blah, it's not like that. (Ted gets up and follows Blah-blah) [SCENE_BREAK] Barney: Well, we're closing in on the half. Let's see how Blah-blah's doing on the crazy-hot scale. (Barney visualizes scale with diagonal line) Barney: She started the night here (Barney draws circle on 'hot' side of scale) Barney: But as the night's progressed, she's gotten crazier but no hotter which has caused her to drift across the Mendoza diagonal and dangerously close to the Shelley Gillespie zone. (Barney makes straight line across diagonal which circle follows, red zone in very crazy territory appears) Barney: Another girl I dated. She gained twenty pounds and tried to kill me with a brick. (Ted and Blah-blah talk over by bar) Ted: I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but seriously there's nothing going on with me and Robin. Blah-blah: Then why has she been trying to undermine me all night? I mean, look at her. She's laughing at me right now. (Ted and Blah-blah look over at Robin who's sitting at booth eating) Blah-blah: I'm sorry, it's just Lily and Marshall's story is so romantic. I just wish we had something like that. Ted: Their story is not as magical as it seems. Blah-blah: What do you mean? Ted: No, I can't, it's kind of a secret. Blah-blah: Well, how about I tell you a little secret about what you might get to do later tonight. (Blah-blah whispers in Ted's ear, hot-crazy scale appears with circle in 'crazy' area moving up into the 'hot' area) Ted: The night before Lily met Marshall, there was this party. (flashback to 'the year 1996,' college party, College Ted and College Lily look at each other from different parts of room, College Ted approaches College Lily) College Ted: Hey, you a freshwoman? I never use the word freshman. Sexist. College Lily: Yeah, I'm a first-year. I'm in Hewitt 220. College Ted: No way, Hewitt 110. You should totally come by. College Lily: Maybe I will, Hewitt 110. College students: Chug chug chug chug (College Marshall is being held upside-down over keg with beer being directly poured into his mouth through spigot) College Ted: These drunk idiots. Hey, don't drink their two dollar beer. This is a pinot noir from Europe. (College Ted takes College Lily's drink and hands her a glass of wine, College Lily takes a sip of the wine) College Lily: Oh, it's fruity. College Ted: Yeah, I cut it with some cranberry juice, it's pretty strong. College Lily: So, uh, do you have a girlfriend? College Ted: Yeah. Not sure about the whole long distance thing though. It's like Descartes says, "In order to determine whether we can know anything with certainty, we first have to doubt everything we know." You know? College Lily: Wow. (College Ted and College Lily start kissing) (back to present scene) Ted: As drunk as she was, when she woke up the next morning, she still remembered room 110. That's why she knocked on the door. She was looking for me. Blah-blah: Oh my God. Ted: Yeah, and in all these years Lily and I have never spoken about it, so again, mum's the word, OK? Blah-blah: You have to tell Marshall. Ted: If he heard that, it would destroy him. Blah-blah: If you don't tell him, I will. Ted: Oh, come on, you wouldn't. (Blah-blah gives Ted a scary look) Ted: Oh no. (Blah-blah and Ted walk back over to booth and sit down) Blah-blah: So, Lily, how did you and Ted meet? Come on, Lily, the real story. Ted: I don't think anyone wants to hear that story. Lily: Don't be embarrassed, Ted, it was a long time ago. (flashback to College Ted crying while talking on phone) College Ted: I made a huge mistake last night, but it's like Descartes says. (College Marshall and College Lily enter room) College Ted: In order to determine whether there's anything we can know with certain, we first have to doubt everything we know. And I now know for certain that I love you, Karen. Anyway, call me back when you get this. I'm also going down to the computer center to send you an electronic mail. (College Ted hangs up phone) College Marshall: Ted, this is Lily. College Ted: No, no, I'm sorry but I love Karen. (College Ted leaves room in a hurry) (back top present scene) Ted: Yes, that is the unabridged story of how Lily and I met. How embarrassing. Who wants another round? Blah-blah: That's not the story, Ted, tell 'em. Marshall: Tell us what? Ted: Lily, will you help us get the next round? (Ted, Blah-blah and Lily walk over to bar) Lily: Ted, what's going on? Ted: She knows about us, about how we really met. Lily: Yeah, I know, I just told her. Ted: No, the real story. Lily: Ted, what are you talking about? Ted: Lily, come on. Lily: Come on what? Ted: Lily, come on. Lily: Ted, I honestly don't know what you're talking about. Ted: Lily, come on. Blah-blah: I know that you and Ted made out the night before you met Marshall. Lily: What? Ted and I never made out. Ted: Yeah, we did. Lily: I only made out with one other guy in college before I met Marshall, and it was just some random dude. I don't even remember his name. I just call him too-much-tongue guy. Ted: What? Too-much-tongue guy? I'm not surprised to hear that coming from unreasonably-small-mouth-opening girl. Lily: That wasn't me. Ted: Yes it was, at the freshman orientation party. Lily: No, no no no no no no no no no no no. (Barney, Robin and Marshall sitting at booth) Barney: How much fun is this? All of us reminiscing about how we met me? Robin, have I told you how I met Marshall? Robin: Yeah, like five or six times. Barney: It was right over there. (Barney points to booth behind them) (flashback to 'the year 2001,' Barney, Ted and Marshall sit at booth) Barney: Here's your problem, you've only slept with one woman. Those kind of stats are only okay if you're eleven. But tonight, we're getting you a new girl because Marshall Eriksen, from this moment on, I make all your decisions for you. Marshall: I'm sorry, who are you again? Ted: This is Barney, I met him the other day. He's kind of a jackass. Barney: I'm teaching Ted how to live, and lucky you, I have room for one more student. Think of me as Yoda, only instead of being little and green, I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro. I'm bro-da. And tonight you are gonna use The Force to get the hottest chick in this bar into bed. Ted: You're gonna use force? 'Cause that sounds wrong, bro-da. Barney: No, The Force. It's a Star Wars reference. Ted: So we should make lots of Star Wars references around girls, that's what you're saying? Marshall: I'm not gonna cheat on my girlfriend. Barney: Yes, you are, with the hottie that just walked in. Look at her. (Ted and Marshall turn to look at girl Barney's talking about and notices that it's Lily) Barney: How much hotter is she than your girlfriend? Marshall: There's no comparison. What do you think, Ted? Go for it? Ted: Oh, don't do it, man. Think about Lily. Marshall: You know what, I don't care. I've been with one woman for too long. I need me some strange. Barney: Yes, yes, pep talk. You can do this, but to be more accurate, you probably can't. You're way out of practice and she is way too hot for you. So, remember, tonight isn't about scoring, it's about believing that you can do it even though you probably can't. Go get him, tiger. (Marshall gets up and walks over to bar, Ted moves to other side of booth and sits next to Barney) Barney: Poor guy's gonna crash and burn. (Marshall walks over and kisses Lily) Barney: That man is a god. (back to present scene) Marshall: For like a week after, Barney followed me around, asking me to teach him how to live. I even got him to do my laundry once. Barney: I thought it was a Mr. Miyagi kind of thing. (Lily, Ted and Blah-blah walk back over to booth) Lily: Marshall, I need to talk to you. Can we go somewhere in private? Marshall: Yeah, of course, what's wrong? Blah-blah: Lily and Ted made out. What do you think of that, Robin? Marshall: What are you talking about? Lily: You know that guy I made out with at the freshman orientation party? Marshall: Too-much-tongue guy? Yeah. Ted: And you know that girl I made out with at the freshman orientation party? Marshall: Unreasonably-small-mouth-opening girl? Yeah. Ted: I'm too-much-tongue guy. Lily: And I'm unreasonably-small-mouth-opening girl. Barney: Worst superheroes ever. Lily: Baby, I am so sorry. Marshall: I don't think you need to be. I was at that party. It was dark, and granted, I had eaten quite a few sandwiches but I'm a hundred percent sure that unreasonably-small-mouth-opening girl was Alexa Leskies, it's not Lily. Ted: Really? Marshall: Yeah, I'm positive. And too-much-tongue guy was Colin O'Riley. Lily: Are you sure? Marshall: If it wasn't, I peed in the wrong guy's shampoo, man. (Marshall and Lily kiss) Blah-blah: (to Ted) You don't really believe that, do you? You swore it was Lily. Ted: I guess I made a mistake. Must have been Alexa. Blah-blah: Another girl, Ted? Who haven't you made out with? You know what, I don't need this. I design handbags. I'm writing a memoir. I'm a superstar. This is totally my year. Someday the name Blah-blah will be up in lights. Ted, next time you're online playing World of Warcraft, don't even think about chatting with me. (Blah-blah gets up and leaves) Barney: World of Warcraft? The online role playing game? That's how you two met online? (flashback, computer screen with armor-suited warrior-type avatar and female avatar conversing) Warrior Avatar: We should grab some coffee sometime... Female Avatar: Yes, we should. Warrior Avatar: What's your name? Female Avatar: Ted. What's yours? (back to present scene) Ted: Yeah, it's really, it's a cool game. Future Ted VO: So, suffice it to say, Blah-blah did not turn out to be your mother. As for the girl I made out with at the party... (flashback scene of College Ted and College Lily kissing) Future Ted VO:...there wasn't a doubt in my mind, that was your Aunt Lily. (flashback scenes from Lily and Marshall's telling of the story of how they met - College Lily setting up her stereo, College Lily walking down hallway to room 110, College Marshall opens door) Future Ted VO: But you know that magical story of how she and Uncle Marshall met, it was worth preserving, so I kept my mouth shut. (flashback of Blah-blah and Ted talking) Ted: I guess I made a mistake. Must have been Alexa. EXT. BUILDING (subtitled, 'the year 2020) INT. COLLEGE REUNION Future Ted VO: Until our 20th college reunion when I ran into Alexa Leskies. (Ted and Alexa sitting down, Ted showing her pictures) Alexa: So, Ted, remember the last time we were here? Ted: You and me? No idea. Alexa: Ted, come on. Freshman year, we were both pretty drunk? (flashback to College Ted making out with College Alexa, camera pans to show College Lily kissing another guy) Ted: That was you? (Ted rushes up from table) Ted: Lily, we never made out. Lily: I know. Ted: So I am not too-much-tongue guy. Alexa: Actually. Ted: No. (back from commercial break) (subtitled, 'the year 2020', Ted and Lily sit at table, Marshall joins them) Marshall: Look what I've confiscated from some kids. (Marshall pulls a sandwich in a plastic bag out from inside his jacket) Ted: That is a fat sandwich. Marshall: I know, right? (Marshall raises his eyebrow, cut to Marshall, Lily and Ted sitting on floor in front of vending machine, Marshall passes sandwich to Lily, Lily takes a bit of sandwich) Marshall: Chew chew chew chew, swallow. (Lily coughs a little, Marshall, Lily and Ted laugh) Marshall: It's all right, honey. Lily: Sandwiches are strong these days. (Ted takes sandwich from Lily) Ted: I can't believe I used to be able to eat a whole sandwich by myself. Now it's like two bites and I am done. (Ted takes a bit out of the sandwich) Marshall: Baby, can we grow sandwiches behind the garage? Lily: Dude, we're 42. (Marshall, Lily and Ted giggle) Ted: Where's my wife?

Ted's new girlfriend becomes jealous that the story about how Ted and his friends met is better than how she met him, resulting in her ranking on Barney's "crazy scale" to go through the roof.

fd_The_Originals_02x06

fd_The_Originals_02x06_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Klaus: I assume I have the misfortune of speaking to my mother. Esther: I have come to heal our family. I will undo everything that has been done, thereby giving you a new life. Elijah: I don't believe I've had the pleasure. Vincent/Finn: You mean you don't recognize me? Klaus: It's been a long time, Finn. Cami: I have to get back to campus. I'm meeting my new advisor. Mr. Griffith? Call me Vincent. Elijah: Aiden, you and Oliver escort the children. We'll handle the rest. Elijah: Uh! Ugh! No more. Esther: Oh, I'm afraid we've just begun. Klaus: What is it, Hayley? Hayley: Something has happened to Elijah. ...he's vanished. Lenore: Stop fighting, Elijah. Esther: I want you to rejoin our family... Take the body of a mortal, and we can all be happy again. Elijah: Get out of my head. Esther: The only way to find peace is my way. [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK: KINGDOM OF NORWAY, 972 A.D. ] ( A young Esther is bundled up and walking through the cold and snow toward a cottage. Inside the cottage is a darker-haired witch named Dahlia, who is in the midst of performing a spell as she clutches a necklace in her hand. She is surrounded by human skulls, reindeer antlers, and dozens of lit candles ) Dahlia: In unim edito, domino sae domina, cutlas sino liberos, sino liberos. ( Esther finally arrives at the cottage and pushes the door open, closing it behind her. Dahlia is startled and doesn't look happy ) Esther: ( removes her mittens ) Sister, I've come to beg for your help. Dahlia: ( skeptical ) What for? Esther: You know I've always wanted children of my own... Dahlia: ( angrily interrupts ) Then go. Have your Viking children. Esther: It's been almost a full year, and I am still not with child. I fear I am cursed. ( She looks at Dahlia, who sighs in annoyance ) Dahlia, please. With your magic, you could help me! Dahlia: ( stands ) You come to me needing favors? If you hadn't abandoned your talents with witchcraft, you could help yourself. Esther: I was never as strong as you, I know that! ( Dahlia turns away from her ) Just as I know you will not turn me away. You are my sister, and whatever our quarrels, we are bound by blood. ( Dahlia seems to be considering this, and after a moment, she turns back toward her sister ) Esther: ( begs ) Please, help me. Dahlia: ( unhappy ) What you ask of me, it requires heavy sacrifice. Esther: ( steps toward her, relieved and near-tears ) I will do whatever you ask! ( Dahlia notices her tears and sighs before pulling Esther into an embrace ) Dahlia: Ah, here. I could never refuse you. ( She pulls away and takes Esther's face in her hands ) My precious little Esther. [SCENE_BREAK] [ PRESENT DAY: LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Oliver has been chained and bound to stalks and looks as though he's been severely beaten. He stands outside before Vincent/Finn and Lenore/Esther, surrounded by fellow werewolves ) Oliver: Why don't you just kill me and get it over with? Finn: ( unamused ) Speak to her again, I'll feed you your tongue. ( He turns to the wolves ) Spread the word from here to the Bayou - Midnight tonight, he is to be put to death for his part in aiding the escape of deserters. For now, chain him up in the lyc e. ( Two of the werewolves grab Oliver and shove him toward the lyc e. Finn raises his voice to address the rest of the werewolves ) Finn: Tell the other wolves to come and have a look and see what happens to traitors! ( The rest of the wolves file out of the cemetery, leaving Esther and Finn alone. Esther smiles at Finn ) Esther: Well done. Now, I believe you have a meeting? ( Finn smiles and nods ) Good. I'll tend to your brother. ( Esther leaves Finn and returns to the crypt where she and Finn have been holding Elijah. He's still asleep, kneeling on the floor with his wrists still bound to chains suspended from the ceiling. Esther begins to speak quietly to Elijah ) Esther: Still sleeping, lost in visions of horror and dreams of love. ( She takes Elijah's face in her hands ) Still so strong, so... full of life. Too willful to take my offer. ( She drops his head in frustration and walks over to a nearby table to pick up an athame before turning back toward him ) I remember you as a little boy. Innocent, kind... If that boy had known the creature he would one day grow up to be, he'd have leapt in my arms and begged me to save him. ( She affectionately runs her fingers through Elijah's hair ) I'd do anything for that little boy, as I would you. ( Esther suddenly yanks Elijah's head back by the hair and slits his throat with the athame. Elijah awakens and begins to gasp and choke while Esther mutters an unintelligble spell into his ear. She then drops his head once again, and Elijah slumps forward, once again unconscious and still ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Hayley is looking out over the French Quarter from the balcony of the nursery when she's suddenly startled by the sounds of tortured screaming. She frowns and returns inside, following the noise to Klaus' bedroom, where Klaus has blood splattered all over his hands and face and is washing up in his sink ) Hayley: Oh. So, I see your interrogation went well? Klaus: ( looks at himself in the mirror ) Eh, it turns out these witches are delicate creatures. No matter! I suspected my mother had Elijah captive. Hayley: Great. Let's go find them! Klaus: ( shakes his head and walks toward her ) Esther is too powerful. She won't be easily found. I need to draw her out. ( He's about to shut the sliding doors that separate his room from the nursery when Hayley stops him ) Hayley: Wait, where are you going? Klaus: I'm going to change my shirt, and then I'm going to find my brother. ( He smiles fakely and is about to shut the doors again when Hayley once again stops him ) Hayley: ( annoyed ) Klaus, let me come with you! Klaus: ( sighs and steps toward her ) I know you want to help, Hayley, but you can't. My mother is wretched. She will target you in order to thwart me, and I can't very well save Elijah if I'm busy saving you, can I? ( Hayley rolls her eyes, but remains silent, so Klaus finally shuts the doors and prepares his plans, leaving her to consider her options ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] ( Gia has just returned to Marcel's apartment, where Marcel is waiting for her ) Gia: I did like you said, I kept a low profile, went all over the city. There's no sign of Elijah anywhere. Marcel: Yeah, the humans I know said the same thing. Maybe Klaus is having better luck? Hayley: ( enters the apartment ) No, he's not, which sucks, considering how low the bar is around here. ( Marcel looks at her, confused ) Listen, you two up for a rescue mission? Gia: Are we going after Elijah? Hayley: Nope. That's all Klaus. I'm talking about Oliver. Now, he and Elijah were fighting the werewolves together. I've heard that Oliver's been captured and is about to be executed. Now, look, if we can save Oliver, then we might be able to find out where Elijah is. Marcel: 'Kay, so what do you want from us? Hayley: Just a little distraction. Esther's son, Finn, he's the one that's controlling the werewolves. If you can keep him out of the way, I can go get Ollie myself. ( Hayley turns to leave, but Marcel vamp-speeds around her and blocks her way ) Marcel: You can't take on all those wolves by yourself. You'll get killed, and then I'll get killed for letting it happen. Hayley: ( sighs ) I'm not going in alone. The werewolves may be answering to the witches, but they still have an alpha. I just have to find him. [SCENE_BREAK] [ ROUSSEAU'S ] ( Cami is working on schoolwork at the bar when Vincent/Finn enters the bar and joins her ) Vincent/Finn: Fancy meeting you here? Cami: ( laughs ) Not that fancy, seeing as I work here. I thought I mentioned that? Vincent/Finn: ( sits next to her ) Cami, half my patients work in bars. I can't avoid them all. ( Cami smiles uncomfortably and returns to her work ) Vincent/Finn: You okay? ( Cami looks as though she's about to speak, but remains silent ) Let me guess... more drama with Klaus, is that right? Cami: ( confused and suspicious ) ...Yeah, actually. He has family in town. They don't really get along, and he's kind of flipping out. I got sucked into the crazy. [She laughs awkwardly] Vincent/Finn: Seems unfair that he would rely so heavily on you for support. Does he have anyone else? Cami: ( shrugs ) His sister left town, his brother's been... occupied, the rest of his family I wouldn't say has a healthy dynamic. So, I guess I just feel a professional obligation to help him? Vincent/Finn: Cami, this is a person whom you've described as being dangerous. Cami: Not to me. Vincent/Finn: ( takes a deep breath ) I don't want you to put yourself in the position where he can harm you. Cami: ( sits back and laughs ) I know it's your job to give me advice, but... can we save the shop-talk? I mean, it is happy hour. Vincent/Finn: ( smiles ) You're right! Now is not the time. Bartender, I'll have a whiskey, neat, and for the lady, a sasure, two spoons of honey. ( Cami looks at him, startled and even more suspicious ) Cami: ( panicked ) You know what? Better cancel that, I actually have to run. But, I'll see you Monday? ( Cami packs up all of her books and quickly leaves the restaurant. Finn, confused, turns and watches her go, disappointed ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ PLANTATION HOUSE ] ( Klaus is in the middle of digging up Esther's grave where she was buried at the former Mikaelson Mansion. He pulls her coffin out of the ground and turns and glares at the starlings he hears chirping in the trees nearby. He begins to douse the coffin in gasoline ) Klaus: Are you watching this, Mother? Nothing says "I loathe you" quite like desecrating a corpse! ( He pulls out a lighter and lights it, but before he can drop it on the coffin, he hears a familiar voice call out to him ) Elijah: Niklaus! ( Klaus turns to see Elijah on the other end of the yard, walking toward the plantation house. Klaus, confused and a bit suspicious, follows him. Inside, Elijah starts to tap the keys of the burnt-up piano as Klaus slowly approaches him ) Elijah: ( smiles ) You seem troubled. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were worried. Klaus: ( scowls ) What has she done to you? Elijah: A thousand years of murder and mayhem, and Mother believes she can still save our souls. ( He runs his finger across the piano keys ) She wants to talk. Perhaps we should listen? ( Klaus smiles for a moment before angrily picking up a piece of overturned furniture ) Klaus: ENOUGH! ( The furniture passes right through Elijah and he disappears, revealing that he was only an illusion ) Klaus: The petty illusions, Esther! Where is Elijah? Lenore/Esther: ( appears behind him ) He's preoccupied at the moment. I'm helping him find his way. But, not to worry, I'll return him to you. All I ask is that you hear me out. Klaus: You expect me to sit through a sermon of your lies? Esther: I have lied in the past, to my shame. But, I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm in the process of making Elijah into the man he was meant to be. And, I intend to do the same for you. ( After the break, Esther and Klaus continue their talk ) Esther: This plantation, ruined by fire. How sad, not to mention symbolic. After all you never intended to build a true home here. Even as Hayley carried your child, as Rebekah and Elijah sought to defend you, your thoughts were focused on only your conquest of the Quarter. Tell me, how did that go? Klaus: I'm sorry. Is this some sort of motherly critique? Please feel free to choke on it. Esther: I mention your failures only to make a point, my dear. You've endured several lifetimes of misery, never mind the suffering you've caused others, even to your own blood. You yourself remain trapped in a perpetual state of despair. I have come to offer you a means to escape that cycle. Klaus: And that's about all the hypocrisy I can take. I suggest you give me my brother before I get angry. Esther: Such hatred. It breaks my heart to see you like this. The boy I loved. Klaus: Your love was a curse, an affect you feigned. The truth is, you're not better than Mikael, and like him you seem to have crawled back from the grave simply to ruin your children. ( Esther's eyes widen in shock, and he realizes this is news to her ) Oh! You didn't know! Yes, the Destroyer has risen, brought back to kill me by the witch Davina. Surely Kol has revealed everything to you? ( Esther's face remains blank ) Or, is Mother's loyal little boot-licker not quite so loyal, after all? [SCENE_BREAK] [ KIERAN'S SECRET APARTMENT ] ( Cami is in the hidden room in her uncle's apartment, surrounded by shelves of mystical objects and files that Kieran had amassed over the years. She peers through a large book on a desk, and skims the pages until she comes across the name Vincent Griffith. Her eyes widen in shock, just as Marcel appears behind her ) Marcel: I bet you want a new advisor right about now. Cami: ( startled ) Who is he, Marcel? I mean, really? Marcel: Long story short is... impossible. Cami: I checked the school website. Vincent Griffith has no other academic credentials. And, according to my Uncle Kieran's big book of New Orlean's bloodlines, Griffith is a family of witches. Marcel: Oh, it's worse than that. Your therapist has a thousand-year-old dead vampire inside of him named...Finn Mikaelson. Cami: ( gasps in shock ) My advisor is Klaus' brother? Oh God, Marcel! He came into Rousseau's today asking questions about Klaus, and ordered my favorite drink like he's been watching me. Why? Marcel: ( shrugs ) Probably to get the scoop on Klaus. Or, maybe to use you as bait for a trap. I don't know. It doesn't matter. Either way, you're done with that guy. Cami: ( determined ) No. I'm just getting started! [SCENE_BREAK] [ PLANTATION HOUSE ] ( Lenore/Esther and Klaus are still talking inside the burnt-out husk of their former home ) Esther: If Mikael has returned, we will need to deal with him. Klaus: ( laughs ) We? Is that a joke? Am I to forego centuries of hatred for my evil mother in order to join her in besting the very demon she herself allowed to raise me? Esther: ( sighs ) I am not evil, Niklaus. I am your salvation. And Mikael? He was not always a demon. [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK: KINGDOM OF NORWAY, 10TH CENTURY ] ( Esther is sitting in front of a fire in a cottage with her twin children when Mikael returns home ) Esther: ( voiceover ) Long ago, he loved his children with all his heart. [The young boy runs toward his father and hugs his legs as Mikael rubs his head affectionately. Esther: He doted on your brother Finn, but it was our first-born, Freya, who was the apple of his eye. ( Freya's face lights up as she rushes toward her father, jumping into his arms as he lifts her up to hug her ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ PRESENT DAY: PLANTATION HOUSE ] Klaus: ( unmoved ) You really think that saccharine recollections of anicent history will have any effect on me at all? Esther: What I think is that you have gone mad from centuries of hating your parents. But, if you join me now, I can grant you peace. And, should Mikael return with the intent to harm you, I will strike him down myself. ( Klaus seems slightly tempted, but he remains firm ) Klaus: That's quite an offer. But, you know, I've never needed any help when it comes to killing parents. Esther: ( rolls her eyes ) You reject me out of hatred, but I have something stronger. I have the truth about your father - not Mikael, you're real father. [SCENE_BREAK] [ BAYOU ] ( Hayley is wandering through a more remote part of the Bayou, looking around, when she comes upon a beat-up trailer in the middle of a wooden area. Suddenly, she hears a creaking sound and quickly turns, catching two arrows in midair that have been shot by an unidentified man behind her. Annoyed, she drops the arrows on the ground ) Hayley: Is that your best shot? You're gonna have to do a lot better than that if you're gonna kill a hybrid. ( The man walks toward her, pulling a shortsword out of its sheath with his free hand. His bow is clutched in the other, and he has a quiver of arrows strapped on his back. He stops when he heards a gruff voice call out ) Jackson: Stop! ( Hayley and Ansel immediately turn at the sound of his voice. Jackson walks out of the trailer and toward them. Hayley's demeanor immediately turns kinder ) Hayley: Jackson? Jackson: Hayley. I see you met my friend Ansel. Ansel: ( confused ) You know her? Jackson: Yeah, actually. I do. She was supposed to be my wife. [SCENE_BREAK] [ PLANTATION HOUSE ] ( Lenore/Esther has walked outside into the front yard, and Klaus is slowly following behind her. She stops when she comes across her dug-up grave ) Esther: A thousand years ago, in a fit of rage, you wrapped your bare hands around my neck and squeezed until I died. Do you even remember why? Klaus: ( stands beside her ) Let's see... You turned us all into monsters. You cursed me, denied me of my hybrid nature. You lied to me about my father... Esther: ( interrupts him ) It's that one above all. You killed me because I kept you from ever knowing your true father. Klaus: [angry[ My hatred for you runs so deep, it's difficult to pinpoint it's origin. Maybe I hate that I'm the product of a whore's lechery? ( Esther becomes furious and slaps Klaus across the face ) Esther: Watch your mouth! You will do well to remember that you are still my son! Klaus: You judge me evil, yet it was your lust that made me what I am. Esther: And not once have I ever regretted the love I had for your father. And, you have never known the truth of how that love came to be, or what happened in the months after Mikael and I lost your sister Freya to the plague. There are no words for the loss of a child, as you well know. ( Klaus' eyes widen in pain, and he strains to keep from crying ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE BAYOU ] ( Jackson and Hayley are sitting in chairs around the fire pit, while Ansel sits on a log across from them and sharpens his knife ) Jackson: After Francesca Guerrera took over the wolves, she offered me a moonlight ring as long as I'd call her Alpha. I declined. So, a couple of her brothers dragged me out here and left me for dead. By the time I healed up, word had spread about what happened to you, and to your baby. ( Hayley looks down at the ground, clearly unhappy about the reminder ) So, I knew it was over, and I just drifted. And that's when I met Ansel. See, he's been teaching me the old ways, the traditions. What it means to be a wolf. Hayley: ( scoffs ) You mean by living out in the ass-end of nowhere? ( She laughs ) Jackson: Hey, easy. Your kind makes him ornery. Hayley: ( frowns ) My kind? Jack, whatever you and your friend think of me, my kind is the wolves. Even if they did pledge allegiance to a witch. All that means is they need an Alpha. Ollie needs one, too. Jackson: Yeah, I heard about that. The thing is, Ollie betrayed me. He plotted with the Guerreras. He spilled his own people's blood. Hayley: ( sighs ) He was trying to make up for that. Jackson: It doesnt matter. Witches have him. He's dead. Not that I care. Hayley: You don't want to be the Alpha? Fine. I'll save Ollie myself. ( She gets up to leave, just as Ansel starts packing up his bow and quiver and stands up to walk toward her ) Hey, you got a problem, old man? Ansel: I have no love of vampires, but I will not allow a wolf to be killed by witches. ( He brushes past Hayley to head for the Quarter. Hayley turns back toward Jackson and shoots him a look ) Hayley: At least someone is interested. [SCENE_BREAK] [ PLANTATION HOUSE ] ( Lenore/Esther is still trying to tell Klaus the truth about their family out in the front yard ) Esther: After Freya died, Mikael was inconsolable. Compelled by his grief, we were forced to pack our things and set across the seas. Eventually, his despair would drive us apart, and that's when I saw him for the first time - your father. I'd never seen a man like him. Powerful, yet wise, but loved by his people. And, because Mikael had chosen to leave me alone in his grief, shunning me from his life, I found myself drawn to another. Klaus: Spare me the sordid details of my origin. Esther: I only speak the truth. Klaus: Then tell me this, Mother: Why did your Adonis abandon his son? Why did he allow me to be raised by a monster who hated me? Why not claim me for himself, raise me among the wolves? Or, was he as ashamed of his b*st*rd as you were? Esther: No, no, no. He loved you. It was I who forbade it. I knew if Mikael had learned of my infidelity, he would've destroyed us in his rage. I had no choice. ( Klaus glares at Esther furiously ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ KIERAN'S SECRET APARTMENT ] ( Cami is looking around the secret room while Marcel watches ) Marcel: So, what? You're gonna spy on a witch with a thousand-year-old grudge-match against Klaus? Huh-uh. I'm not gonna let you go anywhere near that guy! Cami: I can handle myself. ( Cami looks down on a shelf and sees a small dagger and picks it up ) Marcel: Look. Okay, I get it. You're mad at the guy, and you wanna get even, so... Cami: ( interrupts ) It's not about getting even, Marcel! Look around! Everything in this room, this is my family's legacy. And, if I had just embraced it the first time around, I could have uncovered Francesca Guerrera's secret. And, the wolves would have never taken over the Quarter, and Klaus' baby would still be alive, so don't tell me to not get involved! ( Marcel's phone rings, cutting their argument short. It's Hayley ) Marcel: Hold that thought. ( He walks across the room to answer the call ) Marcel: ( to Hayley ) Tell me you have your alpha. Hayley: ( walks through the Bayou with Ansel ) He's out of commission, but I got the next best thing. I'm assuming you have a plan to keep Finn occupied? ( In the Bayou, Ansel gives Hayley a look at the sound of Finn's name. In Kieran's apartment, Marcel looks over at Cami, who is rereading the book on bloodlines ) Marcel: Yeah... Yeah, I think I might have an idea. ( He hangs up, and Cami looks at him in surprise ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ PLANTATION HOUSE - FRONT YARD ] ( Klaus and Lenore/Esther are still talking ) Lenore/Esther: When I learned I was with child, I went back to Mikael. I told him I was having his baby. He showed no joy, but neither did he suspect the truth. [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK: KINGDOM OF NORWAY, 10TH CENTURY ] ( Esther is holding the newborn baby Klaus in her arms, and Mikael kneels to look at him ) Esther: ( voiceover ) When you were born, it renewed his spirits. ( Mikael holds out his hand, and baby Klaus grips onto his finger with his own hands ) We had Kol, Rebekah, Henrik... [SCENE_BREAK] [ PRESENT DAY: PLANTATION HOUSE YARD ] Esther: Because of you, we were a family again! Klaus: ( steps away from her, overwhelmed ) A family built on secrets and lies. Esther: Oh, you were my secret joy! And, to protect your secret, I denied you a life with your father. But, what if I could make up for all that? By curing you of this sickness that's infected your soul? Wheras I put Kol and Finn into the bodies of a witch, you I shall place into the body of a werewolf! So you can live out your days as what you were always meant to be! Klaus: ( turns away from her ) What could possibly make you think I would agree to such a thing? Esther: With mortality, you could start over. You could have a family of your own. Happiness, peace, all the things you have long been denied? ( Esther walks toward Klaus as she talks, but with every step she takes in his direction, he takes a step backwards to get away from her, clearly unhappy at the day's events ) Klaus: ( stops backing up ) ENOUGH! Tell me where Elijah is, or I will kill you, in this body or any other you choose to jump into from now to bloody Armageddon! ( He steps toward her, but Esther throws him away from him using telekinesis ) Esther: I had hoped there was some part of you that yearned for an end to your vicious ways! ( She continues holding Klaus back using magic as he stands to his feet and tries to push against it ) But, if you are determined to perpetuate the cycles of the violence to which you have become accustomed? Well, then, I'll have to accommodate you. ( She makes her outstretched hand into a fist and twists it in the air, snapping Klaus' neck with telekinesis. Klaus falls to the ground, unconscious ) ( After the break, night has fallen, and Klaus still lies on the ground outside the plantation house. In his dreams, he's been transported to a flashback ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK: 10TH CENTURY MYSTIC FALLS ] ( It's night time, and Klaus has stumbled out of the woods to find the bloodied bodies of several werewolves impaled on pikes. Horrified, Klaus rushes over to the nearest body and turns over his arm, revealing a tattoo of three crescent moons surrounded by a circle. He then brushes the long hair out of the man's face so he can see his face. It's Ansel, who has been killed by Mikael. Klaus becomes distraught ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ PRESENT DAY: PLANTATION HOUSE YARD ] ( Klaus awakens with a gasp after his snapped neck has healed. He sits up to find that Lenore/Esther has been waiting for him ) Esther: Apologies for the headache. Were you dreaming? Klaus: I was remembering the day I found out who my real father was. Only that was after Mikael slaughtered him. Esther: My darkest hour. Had you yourself not killed me soon thereafter, I doubt I ever would have recovered. ( She checks her pocketwatch, which reads 8:35PM, or 19:35 ) Esther: You woke earlier than I expected. No matter. It is time. Klaus: ( concerned ) Time for what? Esther: You said you wanted Elijah. He's sleeping. Chained to the wall of a tomb in Lafayette Cemetery. I've lifted the spell that hides him. You are free to take him home. Now, his own mind will work out his choice for him. When he wakes, he'll make his own decision. Every single thing I've said to you tonight is the truth, Niklaus. Whether you choose to believe it is up to you. ( Klaus scowls at her before vamp-speeding away to get Elijah ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ FRENCH QUARTER/ ROUSSEAU'S ] ( Cami walks down the street toward Rousseau's and walks inside. Meanwhile, Gia has arrived at the back entrance, looking around to make sure the coast is clear, and finds Marcel is waiting for her by the door ) Gia: All good. Not a werewolf in sight. Marcel: Good. I appreciate you being here. Gia: How's Blondie doing? Marcel: She'll be fine. ( He pats her on the arm ) Keep an eye out for wolves, alright? ( Gia goes to keep an eye on the perimeter, while Marcel returns to the door. He uses his vampire hearing to eavesdrop on Cami and Vincent/Finn's conversation ) ( Inside, Cami has met with Vincent/Finn at a table ) Cami: Thanks for coming. I feel bad for being so abrupt earlier, I'm sorry! Finn: That was my fault. I was being unprofessional. My apologies. Cami: ( smiles ) You're sorry, I'm sorry. ( She raises her glass ) Let's call it even and have a drink! [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Hayley and Ansel have arrived in the cemetery, and they slowly make their way through the foggy paths as they try to find Oliver. They make it to the lyc e and walk up the steps to enter. Inside, they find a bloodied Oliver suspended by his wrists in the greenhouse ) Hayley: Ollie! Ollie, wake up! Oliver: ( weakened ) The hell are you doing? ( he looks at Ansel ) Who the hell is that? Hayley: We're here to save your ass. Please tell me you know where Elijah is? ( Oliver weakly shakes his head. Ansel goes to the window to look outside ) Ansel: They know we're here. ( Hayley focuses her hearing to hear the sounds of werewolves jumping down from the crypts as they make their way to the lyc e ) Hayley: ( looks at Oliver and the chains that bind him ) Sorry. No time to be gentle. ( She yanks on the chains, and when they break, Oliver falls to the floor. Hayley quickly picks him up ) Hayley: Let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] [ ROUSSEAU'S ] ( Cami has just finished her whiskey while she and Vincent/Finn continue to talk ) Cami: Whew! ( She refills her drink ) So, how would you diagnose my friend Klaus, if I may ask? Finn: Well, he's clearly depressive. Low self-esteem, paranoia... ( He laughs ) Impulse control. Wouldn't you agree? Cami: A lot of it is beyond me. Too much history I don't know, like all the stuff with his siblings. ( Outside, Marcel is continuing to listen to their conversation ) You know, the resentment. How do you manage it? Finn: ( confused ) I beg your pardon? Cami: ( plays dumb ) In one of our first sessions, you mentioned that you don't get along very well with your brothers. ( Finn continues to look at her suspiciously, but she continues to play oblivious ) Do you stay in touch with them? Finn: ( uncomfortable ) In a manner of speaking. We're not particularly close. ( Outside, Gia is also listening to their conversation, and she joins Marcel near the door ) Cami: And your parents, are they still around? ( Finn sits back in his seat ) Am I prying? I'm totally prying. Finn: All this talk about my family, when you so recently scolded me about boundaries... Cami: Just searching for coping methods! ( smiles ) Trying to learn from the master. Finn: Oh, is that so? ( Marcel, thinking Cami's cover has been blown, opens the back door to go into the restaurant when a werewolf appears behind them ) Werewolf: You must be lost. Vampires caught in the Quarter are to be killed on sight. ( Marcel steps in front of Gia protectively ) Marcel: ( to Gia ) Go. Run. As fast as you can. ( She rushes away as Marcel approaches the werewolf ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY - THE LYCEE ] ( Hayley is helping Oliver up while Ansel prepares his quiver ) Oliver: ( exhausted ) Just leave me here. Go! Hayley: To hell with that! They want a fight, I'll give them a fight. Ansel: No. ( He approaches Hayley ) I came with you to save one of my own, not watch as you kill scores of them. ( Hayley rolls her eyes ) Take your friend out the back, move as fast as you can. I'll hold them off here. Hayley: ( sighs and rushes toward Oliver ) Come on, quickly. ( She helps lead Oliver out the back of the lyc e as more werewolves flood the cemetery, all headed for the building. Ansel makes his way onto the steps and brandishes his sword at the incoming werewolves, cutting them down ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ ROUSSEAU'S ] ( Cami, clearly nervous, continues to talk her way out of suspicion ) Cami: Look, if I've offended you, I'm sorry. Finn: You haven't offended me, it's just... you seem on edge. ( Outside, Marcel is fighting the werewolf, both of whom are about of equal fighting skill ) Finn: Now, perhaps it's this Klaus business. Is there something you haven't shared with me? ( Cami sits back in her seat and laughs nervously as she surrepticiously reaches into her purse on the floor ) Cami: I guess I'm just... nervous around you. ( She pulls the dagger from Kieran's apartment out of her purse and grips it in her hand ) I mean, I keep badgering you with my dumb questions. Finn: Your questions are quite smart, they're just personal. And, your interest is unexpected. ( Cami smiles ) ( Outside, Marcel has grabbed a large pipe off of the building and whacks the werewolf upside the head with it before slamming it into his gut ) Cami: Maybe this is just my passive-aggressive way of trying to change the subject from where I'm afraid you're headed. Finn: Which is? Cami: I think you're going to tell me to stop spending time with Klaus. Finn: Cami, you're an intelligent woman. You're articulate, poised... I think you can tell for yourself what's best. ( Marcel and the werewolf are still fighting, but the werewolf has gotten the upper-hand. He lifts Marcel up into the air by his shirt and groans ) Cami: You know, sometimes I ask myself why I let people like Klaus into my life. I have this destructive pattern. ( She tightly grips the dagger in her hand ) I'm always drawn to the bad boys. Maybe deep down, I feel like that's what I deserve. ( Finn frowns, confused, and takes Cami's hand in his ) Finn: Cami, I'm an expert in unhealthy patterns. I've broken some of my own, and I can help you do the same, if you let me. ( He looks her in the eye, and Cami glances down at their clasped hands and smiles as she slips the dagger back into her bag ) ( Outside, Marcel gouges out the eyes of the werewolf to try to get out of his grasp, but the werewolf bites Marcel on the arm. Just then, Gia vamp-speeds out of nowhere and shoves the werewolf into the nearby van, which forces his head through the passenger window. Marcel falls to the ground as Gia shoves the man against the van, ready to rip out his heart like Elijah taught her. However, he manages to grab her arm and twist her arm behind her back before biting her neck and throwing her on the ground. Before he can kill her, Marcel manages to get up and rip out his heart from behind. He drops the heart on the floor and smiles proudly at Gia as he helps her up to her feet ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Oliver and Hayley are hiding behind a crypt when suddenly, Aiden arrives, leading another group of werewolves ) Aiden: Come out! We know you're here. ( Hayley looks over at Oliver, who is bracing himself against the wall, before walking out into the aisle to face them ) Hayley: Why don't you just let us go and we can call it a day? ( Hayley gives Aiden a significant look, but he seems torn ) Aiden: No, I don't think so. Hayley: ( annoyed ) Then we do this the hard way. ( The werewolves brace for a fight, but Oliver staggers over to Hayley before anyone can move ) Oliver: You idiots! You're lining up to fight a hybrid? For what? So you can kill me? All because some witch gave an order? I know I ain't innocent, but I never lost sight of what I was fighting for! We were gonna be a pack! But now? ( he steps toward them ) We're turning on each other! Killing your own people? We do that, we're nothing. ( Oliver and Hayley tense in case they start a fight, but Aiden waits a moment before clearing a path so Hayley and Oliver can leave without violence ) ( Elsewhere in the cemetery, Klaus has arrived to rescue Elijah. Suddenly, Klaus hears the sounds of fighting nearby and goes to investigate. Ansel is still mowing down werewolves with his sword in front of the lyc e when Klaus vamp-speeds behind one of the werewolves and snaps his neck. Ansel holds his sword up until he sees that it is Klaus. Klaus is shocked to see him ) Klaus: You. ( Klaus flashes back to when he found Ansel killed by Mikael ) Ansel: [stunned[ Niklaus? Klaus: ( panics ) No, no! You're not real! Ansel: Niklaus! Klaus: NO! You're a phantom, conjured by Esther, that's all that you are! ( He brushes past Ansel ) Mother! Stop this charade! I know that thing is not real! Ansel: ( approaches Klaus ) Look at me, Niklaus. ( Klaus, frightened, slowly turns toward him ) I am flesh and blood. Your flesh and blood. Klaus: You've been dead a thousand years! Ansel: And through that time, I lingered on the Other Side, watching you let the world fall apart until I woke, four moons past, in the land of wolves like myself. Klaus: No. No! No, you're just in my head. You're an illusion, meant by my mother to sway me to accept her bargain! Ansel: ( confused ) I do not speak for Esther. I know nothing of her bargains. ( He walks toward Klaus ) But you are my son. ( He reaches to caress Klaus' face, but Klaus grabs his arm before he can so he can see the crescent moon tattoo on his forearm. The sight of it causes Klaus to flash back once more to when he found Ansel's body when Mikael killed him. In the present day, Ansel looks at Klaus curiously ) Klaus: And, if what you say is real, you are nothing to me. For all I care, you can crawl back to hell. ( Ansel looks hurt as Klaus vamp-speeds away ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MARCEL'S APARTMENT ] ( Marcel pulls a vial of blood out of a dresser door and walks over to where Gia is sitting on the couch, her bite still bleeding and not healing. He gives her a sip out of the vial, and Gia makes a face as she swallows it ) Gia: Mmm. You sure this is gonna work? Marcel: Klaus' blood is the only cure for a werewolf bite. Thing is, I'm running low, so new rule: don't get bit. Gia: ( smiles ) I got bit saving your ass. Marcel: ( smiles back ) Yeah, yeah, you did good, too. I gotta admit, though, when you took off, I thought you were gone. Gia: All my life, when things got tough, that's what I would do. I would run, because I never fit in anyway. But this place, what you're building here... it fits. So, I'm in. No running, no matter what. Marcel: ( grins ) Well, thanks for sticking it out. Gia: ( whispers ) Yeah. ( Marcel's phone rings ) Marcel: Hang on, I gotta take this. ( He answers the call. It's Cami ) Hey, you okay? Cami: ( at Rousseau's ) Yeah. To be honest, not the worst date I've had in this city. [She pulls a bottle of liquor from behind the bar] Marcel: ( slightly jealous ) Yeah, it seemed like you had him wrapped around your finger by the time I left. Cami: ( pours herself a drink ) More than that. Vincent, Finn, whoever he is, I think he likes me. Marcel: ( frowns ) I'm not sure I would call that good news. Cami: Don't you get it? I'm his blind spot! If he's distracted, he's vulnerable, which means I can help take him down. ( She sips her drink, and Marcel sighs uneasily ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE BAYOU ] ( Hayley and Oliver have returned to Jackson's trailer, where Hayley is cleaning Oliver up ) Jackson: Well, you got him. Great. Where's Ansel? Hayley: He was busy being a man. He should be right behind us. Oliver: ( weak ) Jack, I have to tell you... Jackson: ( interrupts ) I already know, Ollie, you sold me out to Francesca. Oliver: Look, I know that I can't make up for that. But, you need to hear this. ( Jackson looks away and finishes his drink ) You're the one. ( Oliver struggles to get to his feet, and Jackson stands defensively, grabbing a nearby staff to use in a fight, if necessary ) You're the alpha. Our people are not meant to be slaves! You can free them. ( Suddenly, Oliver starts coughing up blood and falls to his knees ) Jackson: Ollie? Ollie? ( to Hayley ) What is wrong with him? Hayley: ( shocked ) It's the witches. Jackson: ( crouches down to Oliver ) Ollie? Hayley: They said he only had until midnight. ( Jackson props Oliver up in his arms to try to resuscitate him ) Jackson: Stay with me! Oliver: ( choking on blood ) Jack... ( Jackson looks horrified as Oliver suddenly starts bleeding from his eyes and nose in addition to his mouth before dying in Jackson's arms. Jackson gently lays him on the ground, still gripping his hand, as Hayley and Jackson look as though they're about to cry ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Klaus has finally made it into the lyc e, where he finds Elijah still bound in chains and unconscious. He spots the poppet that binds the spell keeping the chains from being broken, and quickly rips down the chains. Elijah falls into his arms, so Klaus sets him down on the floor so he can try to wake him ) Klaus: Wake up, brother. Elijah. Lenore/Esther: ( appears behind him ) He won't wake. Not yet. Which gives you and I one last chance to discuss my offer. ( Klaus is furious, and gently lays Elijah onto the ground to break the cuffs off his wrists ) Klaus: You promised me Elijah's safe return. Or, was that a lie, just like that ghoulish atrocity outside claiming to be my father, back from the dead? Esther: Your father's return is real. I pulled him from the Other Side before it collapsed, left him in the Bayou to join the wolves. And, I used the execution of one of his own to draw him here, where I knew he'd find you. Klaus: ( enraged ) To what end? Besides my torment? Esther: ( approaches him ) I brought him here to be the father you never had. To teach you to be the man you always longed to be. Once you are remade as a werewolf, you can join him. Klaus: ( stands and walks toward her ) His return changes nothing. Esther: It changes everything. It is my gift to you, Niklaus. This offer is your last chance at salvation. Reject me now, and you will live out your endless days unloved and alone. Do not refuse me out of some ancient spite... Klaus: ( interrupts ) Not spite. Hatred. A pure and perfect hatred that's greater now than the day I first took your life! Esther: ( upset ) Why, after all I've done to explain to you, why must you persist... ( Klaus completely loses his temper and grabs her in a choke-hold, slamming her head against the stone wall as he pins her down ) Klaus: BECAUSE YOU CAME FOR MY CHILD! MY DAUGHTER! Your own blood! Esther: ( struggles to breathe ) You... don't... understand! Klaus: MY. CHILD! Esther: ( gasps ) Niklaus! I had to! ( She lifts up two fingers, causing Klaus to experience a nosebleed similar to the one she gave Kol in [i]Alive and Kicking. Still, he grips her throat even harder, and she whimpers in pain )[/i] Klaus: You declared war when you came after my family. And, for that, I will make you suffer as only I can. ( He smirks through the blood pouring from his nose ) After all, I am my mother's son. ( He throws her down onto the floor, where she struggles to catch her breath. Klaus rushes over to Elijah, picking him up and carrying him out of the crypt. Esther backs up and leans against the wall before she's transported into a flashback ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK: KINGDOM OF NORWAY, 10TH CENTURY ] ( Young Esther is standing in front of her sister Dahlia, who is gripping onto Freya's arm. Esther is upset, and Finn clutches her side ) Esther: Please, do not do this! Dahlia: You wanted a family! Fate said otherwise, and so you came to me. And, for a price, I granted your wish. ( She pulls on Freya's arm in emphasis ) Now, I must collect. Esther: When Mikael returns from his journey, I swear... Dahlia: You will tell him Freya grew ill and died! Esther: ( in tears ) No, Dahlia! Dahlia: You were forced to burn her body to stop the spread of plague. Esther: Sister, please, I cannot give up my child! Dahlia: You've already offered me more than just this one child! Our bargain was for this first-born, and every first-born of each generation that is to come, for as long as your line shall last. Esther: ( furious ) If you do this, if you take my daughter, I swear to you, I will return to the black arts. I will grow in power as a witch, and I will MAKE YOU PAY! Dahlia: Your power is nothing against mine! Foolish girl. You knew the bargain you made! And, should you defy me, then I will take all your children. Including little Finn! ( Finn starts to cry, and Dahlia gestures to Esther's pregnant body ) Even unborn Elijah! Esther: No, Dahlia! ( Dahlia angrily picks up Freya and rushes away from them. Freya becomes frightened ) Esther: No! Freya: Mommyyyyyy! Esther: Dahlia! Freya, please! Freya: MOMMYYYY! ( Freya continues to scream, and Esther breaks down in tears as Dahlia leaves with her ) ( In the present day, Vincent/Finn finds Lenore/Esther on the floor of the crypt, recovering from nearly being strangled and horrified at the memory of losing Freya ) Finn: Mother? What happened? Esther: Niklaus refused my offer. ( At the Mikaelson compound, Klaus and Hayley lay Elijah on his bed, still in his bloodstained suit. He and Hayley stare at Elijah in concern ) Esther: Still burdened with hatred for me. For what happened to his child. Finn: He's a fool. Your actions saved this family! If that child had lived... ( Finn cuts himself off, unable to speak the words ) Esther: Dahlia would return, and she would come for us all.

Fed up with her antics, Klaus becomes agitated and demands that Esther release Elijah, whom she has captured. However, Esther reveals a few dark secrets from Klaus' past in an attempt to make him an offer he can't refuse. Meanwhile, Oliver ends up in a dangerous situation, prompting Hayley to reconnect with Jackson, who has been living a new life out in the bayou. Elsewhere, Cami, who still believes baby Hope's death was her fault, teams up with Marcel and Gia after she becomes suspicious of her faculty advisor Vincent/Finn. Lastly, in a surprising turn of events, Klaus comes face-to-face with his true father who came back from the dead. In flashbacks to Esther's past we see why she wanted to kill Klaus' daughter Hope.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_17x25

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_17x25_0

SHADA PART FIVE by DOUGLAS ADAMS would have been transmitted - 16th February 1980 [SCENE_BREAK] 1. MAIN CONTROL ROOM (With the experiment over, the DOCTOR tries to wake CHRIS.) DOCTOR: Bristol? (no answer. The DOCTOR checks CHRIS's heart.) Bristol? Are you alright? (CHRIS's eyes opened) CHRIS: I feel marvelous! DOCTOR: Good, good, it'll pass. You're fit. (He pats CHRIS on he back as CHRIS gets up.) CHRIS: What did you find out? DOCTOR: Not much, not enough to locate Skagra, just enough to frighten me out of my wits. (Suddenly K-9 enters the chamber.) K-9: Master! DOCTOR: K-9! Why aren't you back at...? (The DOCTOR stops short as he sees that behind K-9 is the Krarg. Its footsteps leave a smoking trail in its wake, and its head and torso glow with a red haze. The glow lights the room, and the zombie scientists cower from it in fear. It smashes its weapon into the wall and a shower of sparks results.) K-9, try and keep it back! K-9: Power supply at danger level. (The DOCTOR moves towards the cone as though to pull CALDERA and the other scientists onto his side of the room, but the Krarg's heat forces him to move to the side. The Krarg swings its prod device into the cone and forces the DOCTOR away. The DOCTOR backs away as the Krarg advances toward him slowly. The DOCTOR tries crawling over the cone slightly differently.) CHRIS: Doctor, look out! (The Krarg slams the cone again, this time knocking the DOCTOR away from the cone altogether and back towards CHRIS. The two back away from the advancing Krarg until they are almost at the wall. The DOCTOR looks straight into the searing read haze of the coal-like creature as it paces forward towards them...) DOCTOR: Bristol! CHRIS: Yes? DOCTOR: Still feeling marvelous? CHRIS: (nervously) Yes. DOCTOR: Good. Give me ten seconds. (The DOCTOR rushes around the cone to the scientists while CHRIS tries to distract the Krarg.) CHRIS: Well, come on then! Come on then! (CHRIS has his fists clenched out in front of him. The Krarg moves closer to Chris, and K-9 is now able to escape into the corridor. In rage, the Krarg turns its attention to the thought-mixing cone and hits it with its weapon. The cone begins to glow with a dangerous-looking light. Chris tries to warn the Doctor that the cone is about to blow up. The cone begins to smoke heavily, filling the room with a smoke that merges with the red haze of the Krarg that makes visibility nil.) Doctor, come on! It's going to blow up! K-9: Danger, Doctor, Danger. (With the Krarg as blind as they are, CHRIS manages to pull a protesting DOCTOR out of the room. He tries to go back for the scientists one more time but CHRIS stops him.) Danger, Doctor, Danger. CHRIS: (seeing the DOCTOR about to go inside) No! (And forces the DOCTOR to go down the corridor. Back inside the room, the Krarg attacks the scientists unmercifully, killing one and injuring others before it turns back to the door and begins to follow the others.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. CORRIDOR (K-9 calls warnings as CHRIS and the DOCTOR joins him at the shuttle airlock door. The Doctor tries to operate the door, but it appears to be jammed.) DOCTOR: It's jammed! (He pulls out his sonic screwdriver and operates it on the mechanism as the Krarg lumbers down the corridor after them. The door opens just in the nick of time. CHRIS, the DOCTOR, and K-9...) K-9: Danger, Doctor, Danger! (... rush through just allowing the door to fall before the Krarg reaches it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. SHIP, MAIN CONTROL (NOT MADE) (Alarms are going as the three rush into the room.) SHIP: Emergency, Emergency. Imminent explosion in our vicinity. Emergency escape procedures will be followed. DOCTOR: Well just stop nattering and get on with it. (They are thrown about violently by the emergency thrust of the engines.) Not that way! I told you how to do it! Dematerialise! [SCENE_BREAK] 4. SPACE STATION (SKAGRA's ship lifts off from the space station and then vanishes, again with the sound of the TARDIS. Seconds later, the space station erupts in a catastrophic explosion that lights the void brilliantly. The centre ring of the station twists and burns away what it left of the atmosphere that was inside.) TOM: As I rushed into Skagra's ship, I ordered her to lift off and dematerialise immediately. (this is said over the ship taking off from the space station and the station exploding.) (More but with spoilers.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. SHIP, MAIN CONTROL (NOT MADE) DOCTOR: Good, you're learning. Which is more than we're doing. CHRIS: What do you mean? DOCTOR: We're still no nearer finding Skagra. CHRIS: What do you think we should do? DOCTOR: I don't know. CHRIS: Well, try looking on the bright side. DOCTOR: I have. There's nothing there. Now listen to me, ship! SHIP: I hear you. DOCTOR: Good. Now I'm going to ask you once again. Where is your Lord Skagra SHIP: He did not reveal his destination to me. DOCTOR: But you must have some idea. SHIP: I am a computer. I do not have ideas. I obey instructions. DOCTOR: So you've no idea where he's gone. SHIP: I do not. DOCTOR: Doesn't the wretched man have a home to go to? SHIP: (matter-of-factly) Yes. DOCTOR: He has? SHIP: Yes. DOCTOR: Then why didn't you tell me? SHIP: You didn't ask. DOCTOR: But... Will you please take us there? SHIP: Doctor, much of my circuitry feels uneasy about continuing to accept instructions from a dead man. DOCTOR: Well just tell it not to worry. I'm sure your Lord Skagra will be very anxious to pay his last respects to me. SHIP: Instructions accepted. DOCTOR: (to CHRIS.) I do hate computers. They're so literal minded. Aren't they K-9? K-9: Master? [SCENE_BREAK] 6. PROFESSOR'S ROOM (PROFESSOR Chronotis has dressed fully and even has his coat and a shabby grey hat on. He fiddles with a piece of the golden console he's dismantled and looks over the rims of his glasses at CLARE (who for some reason has got her normal tied up hair now down about her shoulders. [possibly recorded on another day then the other scenes in the Room] ) next to him. She is examining a piece of equipment that she can't begin to understand.) CLARE: (exasperatedly) Look, I don't even know what I'm meant to be doing! PROFESSOR: We must get this old perambulator moving again. CLARE: Well, it certainly moved when I touched it. PROFESSOR: A spasm, a mere spasm. I only hope it wasn't a dying spasm. (CLARE has put the piece of equipment she was working on down and has joined the PROFESSOR while eating a slice of cheese.) Because it has left us jammed between two irrational time interfaces, and time is moving away from us. If we ever do manage to disentangle ourselves, I'll have to be careful otherwise I shall cease to exist again. CLARE: Oh really? PROFESSOR: Now do what I do. CLARE: What's that? PROFESSOR: Forget about it. CLARE: That's easier said than done. (turns away to get a better look at her piece of equipment.) Who was this Salyavin person? PROFESSOR: Salyavin! He was a criminal whose exploits have been wildly exaggerated. He was a hotheaded, brilliant young man with a peculiar talent. (He walks over to her and holds out the piece of equipment he's trying to fix.) I can't fix this. CLARE: Can I help? PROFESSOR: Difficult! Very difficult. To repair an interfacial resonator requires two operations that must be performed absolutely simultaneously. (He heads for the kitchen) And to be honest, my dear, I don't think you have the knowledge. CLARE: So we're stuck? PROFESSOR: Yes. CLARE: I could learn, you know. I'm very quick. (The PROFESSOR turns and stares at her strangely.) What's the matter? (The PROFESSOR takes off his glasses and his voice suddenly becomes deadly serious.) PROFESSOR: Listen to me. Listen to me very carefully. What I am about to do you are never to speak of, and this is the only time I will ever do it. CLARE: What are you talking about? PROFESSOR: Do I have your promise? CLARE: Well, what are you going to do? PROFESSOR: Do I have your promise?!?! CLARE: Yes, yes alright. PROFESSOR: What is that piece of equipment you are holding in your hand? CLARE: I have absolutely no idea. PROFESSOR: Good. (The PROFESSOR removes his glasses and stares at CLARE. His eyes glow with a very strange spectral light, and the rest of his face appears to darken as though it were shaded. CLARE looks back at him as though he were saying something to her. The light fades and PROFESSOR's face returns to normal. He places the glasses back on his eyes.) Now, what is the piece of equipment? CLARE: (in a tone that said that it was something obvious.) This? It's a conceptual geometer relay, with an agronomic trigger, a totally defunct field separator, but it doesn't really matter. We can dispense with it if we can get that interfacial resonator working again. PROFESSOR: (smiling) Splendid! CLARE: Well, let's do that then, shall we? (CLARE and the PROFESSOR walk to the golden console and begin to adjust the equipment together.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. CARRIER SHIP (Somewhere in the shallows of space Skagra's ship materialises alongside the Command Ship.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8. GENERATION ROOM, CARRIER SHIP (NOT MADE) (In the annex to the command room, a Krarg is in the final stage of creation, being watched by its Commander. As the new Krarg rises out of the vat, the Commander leaves to report to his Lord.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. COMMAND DECK, CARRIER SHIP (NOT MADE) (On the command deck, several Krargs are wandering around while some keep ROMANA under guard in a corner. The Commander enters and begins reporting to SKAGRA.) SKAGRA: Well? KRARG COMMANDER: We have a full complement, my Lord. SKAGRA: Good. Then let us go. (The despondent ROMANA is startled suddenly as a finger taps her on the shoulder. She spins around and faces the DOCTOR!) ROMANA: (startled whisper but her face happier than its been in a long time.) Doctor! How did you get here? DOCTOR: These kind people brought me. (ROMANA face then sinks back to levels its more accustomed to recently as she sees that the DOCTOR, CHRIS, and K-9 are all prisoners of a group of Krargs. SKAGRA sees them.) SKAGRA: (a little amazed) Doctor! DOCTOR: Ah, hello there. SKAGRA: I am... a little surprised to find you here. DOCTOR: Your ship was a little surprised to find itself bringing me. SKAGRA: You stole my ship? DOCTOR: Only after you stole mine. Ah, there she is. I hope you've been looking after her. May I check? If you've been over-revving her in third phase... (Two Krargs bar his way. SKAGRA ignores the request.) SKAGRA: I am curious to know how you survived the treatment of my sphere. DOCTOR: It only looks for what it expects to find. I made it look for the wrong things. We Time Lords have highly trained minds. SKAGRA: So I am aware, Doctor. If you have come here in the hope of interfering with my great Purpose, I am afraid you will be... DOCTOR: Great purpose! Ha Ha! SKAGRA: Yes, Doctor, the very greatest. DOCTOR: (slightly laughing.) I know what you want to do, you old sly-boots. You want to take over the Universe, don't you? I've met your sort before. Any moment a mad gleam will come into your eye and you'll start shouting, 'The universe will be mine!' (SKAGRA looks at him quizzically. He is clearly devoid of any mad gleam and is not going to shout.) SKAGRA: How naive Doctor, how pathetically limited your vision is. DOCTOR: (shouting) Limited! SKAGRA: (laughs) 'Take over the Universe'. How childish. Who could possibly want to take over the Universe? DOCTOR: Exactly! That's what I keep on trying to tell people. It's a troublesome place, difficult to administer, and as a piece of real estate it's worthless because by definition there'd be no one to sell it to. SKAGRA: (sneers) Both visions are for infants. My purpose is to fulfils the natural evolutionary goal of all life. DOCTOR: Oh yes? SKAGRA: With the aid of the sphere I shall make the whole of creation merge into one single mind, one godlike entity. DOCTOR: You will? (He says this in a tone like he was speaking to a four year old whose telling him about how well he can tie his shoelaces.) SKAGRA: (voice becomes tense with emotion.) The Universe, Doctor, as you so crudely put it, shall be mine!! DOCTOR: Have you discussed this with anyone? Why don't you send one of your Krargs to make some tea; we can sit down and... SKAGRA: Doctor, your inane witterings do not interest me. This will happen. It will start within hours. Once started, nothing you or anyone can do will stop it. (To the Krargs) Take them away, lock them up, melt down the key. (Before the Krargs can move...) DOCTOR: Run! (The DOCTOR makes a sudden rush for the TARDIS, but the Krargs there bar his way again. He turns on his heel and bolts down a corridor. Chris and K-9 manage to follow him, but ROMANA is grabbed by a Krarg.) SKAGRA: (waves his hand after them and orders.) Kill them! (The Krargs draw their weapons and move slowly in pursuit.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10. CORRIDOR, CARRIER SHIP (NOT MADE) (In a corridor in the command ship, the trio move as fast as they can, looking for some form of cover. Seconds after them, Krargs appear, weapons crackling.) DOCTOR: Clever feint don't you think? Making them think I was trying to get to the TARDIS. CHRIS: What were you trying to do? DOCTOR: Get to the TARDIS? CHRIS: Where are we? DOCTOR: Lost. Keep moving. (They keep running.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. COMMAND DECK, CARRIER SHIP (NOT MADE) SKAGRA: They will be caught and destroyed. KRARG COMMANDER: What do you want to do with this one, my Lord? (SKAGRA looks at ROMANA.) SKAGRA: She will come with us to Shada. Enough time has been taken. We will leave now. (He grabs Romana roughly and takes her to the TARDIS. He opens the door...) Come! (...and with the KRARG COMMANDER and several other Krargs following, they all enter.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12. CORRIDORS, CARRIER SHIP (NOT MADE) (The DOCTOR, CHRIS, and K-9 manage to find an alcove to hide in.) CHRIS: Doctor, that man must be mad, mustn't he? DOCTOR: Madness, sanity, it's all just a matter of opinion. CHRIS: What's your opinion? DOCTOR: He must be mad. But infinitely dangerous. CHRIS: You mean he's serious? He can do all that? DOCTOR: It's possible. K-9: Master. Krargs approaching. DOCTOR: Then stay quiet. K-9: Permission to blast them, Master. DOCTOR: No! You remember what happened last time. Just stay quiet. (The Krargs all lumber past straight past the hiding place.) They've gone. Right. Back the way we came. Quietly! (They quietly emerge from hiding and head back down the way they came. Very faintly, they all think they can hear the sound of the TARDIS, but there is something odd about its sound.) Shhh! CHRIS: What? DOCTOR: That. CHRIS: The TARDIS? Surprised we can hear it from here. DOCTOR: Something odd about it. Come on. (Suddenly a blast from a Krarg's gun flies through the air and slams into the wall beside them.) Come on! Run! (They flee once more, but stop as they see more of the creatures coming from the front. They head down a third corridor which ends in a T-junction.) CHRIS: We tried this before. It's a dead end! DOCTOR: Then we're trapped. (But they try it anyway. Somehow, at the end of the corridor is a strange old wooden door.) CHRIS: This wasn't here before. DOCTOR: Get in!! (He opens the door.) TOM: K-9, Chris and I emerged inside the Carrier Ship and face to face with Skagra, Romana and a multitude of Krargs. With the aid of the sphere, Skagra intend to merge the whole of creation into one single mind. One god-like entity. The universe will be Skagra! As the Krargs prepared to lock up the prisoners, K-9, Chris and I made a break for it. Romana was dragged into the TARDIS by Skagra and a detachment of Krargs while the remainder of the creatures pursued my group. Suddenly I spotted a door and decided to take cover. [SCENE_BREAK] 13. PROFESSOR'S ROOM (Inside PROFESSOR Chronotis' rooms - CLARE is fixing some small piece of equipment while the PROFESSOR is checking the golden console. Suddenly the main door opens, being held open by the DOCTOR. [We can see the walls of the Corridor of the Carrier Ship through the doorway] CHRIS and K-9 follow him inside and help him shove the door closed. The DOCTOR notes the lack of opposition and then pats CHRIS on the shoulder with his fist several times. Absolutely simultaneously, the two turn around, slide backwards, and gulp loudly.) CHRIS: Keightley! CLARE: (resorting to astonishment.) Chris? PROFESSOR: Cup of tea? [SCENE_BREAK] 14. CORRIDORS, CARRIER SHIP (NOT MADE) (In the corridor outside, the Krargs arrive and try to open the wooden door. They have no success and next try blasting it and beating it with their weapons. The door stands firm.) TOM: The Krargs started to break into the Professor's room. [SCENE_BREAK] 15. PROFESSOR'S ROOM (The DOCTOR is examining the controls of the PROFESSOR's room.) PROFESSOR: Doctor, how do you like my TARDIS? DOCTOR: Oh, ace. Ace! PROFESSOR: It's strictly unofficial. I'm not really allowed one. DOCTOR: Yes, and there's no better way to hide it than by living in it, you old sly boots. (We move over to CLARE and CHRIS.) CLARE: What are you doing here? CHRIS: How am I'm suppose to know. What's the Professor room doing here? CLARE: Oh, you may well ask, but ask the Professor. (Back to the DOCTOR and PROFESSOR.) PROFESSOR: Doctor, where is Skagra? DOCTOR: Shhh. Not so loud. He's right outside. He's got Romana. He got the TARDIS. He got the book. I thought you were dead, Professor. PROFESSOR: Yes, so did I. DOCTOR: Did you really? PROFESSOR: Listen Doctor, if Skagra has the TARDIS and the book, he can get to Shada. DOCTOR: Shada? Shada? PROFESSOR: Yes, the Time Lords' prison planet. You've probably forgotten about it. DOCTOR: I never forget anything. I never... (He stops and then remembers.) That's right. I have forgotten. The Time Lords' prison planet. Now why would I have forgotten it? Of course, Salyavin was imprisoned on Shada. (wanting to show off, to CLARE) Ask me who Salyavin was. CLARE: (surprising the DOCTOR by knowing the answer.) Oh, he was a great criminal imprisoned centuries ago by the Time Lords. (CHRIS looks at her strangely.) DOCTOR: A great criminal, unique mental powers. He had the capacity to project his mind into other minds. Didn't he Professor? CHRIS: Isn't this what Skagra doing? DOCTOR: Oh no, no, no, no. With Skagra, quite the opposite. Skagra had the capacity to take minds out of people, but he couldn't put minds into them. That's why he needs Salyavin in his sphere, and that's why he's going to Shada. CHRIS: Of course. PROFESSOR: (worriedly) Doctor! He must not get there. [SCENE_BREAK] 16. TARDIS, CONSOLE ROOM (NOT MADE) (Inside the TARDIS, ROMANA is closely guarded by the Krargs. She watches as SKAGRA begins to turn the pages of the book, starting with the first one. With each page turned, the column rises and falls in unison, and instead of her usual mechanical wheezing, the TARDIS engines emit a deep, melodic, rising and falling hum.) SKAGRA: (smiles and says triumphantly.) The key turns slowly in the lock. The door to Shada opens! (He begins to turn the pages more quickly.) TOM: (over the book and the TARDIS in space.) In the TARDIS, Skagra turned the pages of the book, activating the central column of the space-craft by doing so. While Romana watched impassively, the craft proceeded to Shada. [SCENE_BREAK] 17. SPACE (The TARDIS spins through space, en route...) [SCENE_BREAK] 18. PROFESSOR'S ROOM (Inside the Professor's rooms, the DOCTOR, PROFESSOR, CLARE, and CHRIS are sitting in a circle, having tea.) DOCTOR: With Skagra's mind and Salyavin's mind in the sphere, Skagra will become omnipotent. CHRIS: (worriedly) What, do you mean that he could just move himself into every mind in the Universe? DOCTOR: Yes, eventually, It might take thousands of years, but that wouldn't matter. His mind would be immortal. It would spread like a disease. CHRIS: It's quite a thought though isn't it? Every mind working together as a single organism, a single mind. DOCTOR: Skagra's mind. Not a pleasant thought. CLARE: Doctor, we got to stop him from getting to Shada... DOCTOR: Yes. But how? He got a start on us and we don't know the way. PROFESSOR: We must follow him? CHRIS: But how? PROFESSOR: The same way we arrived. DOCTOR: You followed the TARDIS' space-time trail! Of course! (He leaps to his feet, and the other three follow him up. He suddenly looks worried, as though thinking of something, and he sits down again, slowly. The others all begin to sit down as well, until suddenly he shouts) Let's go! (...and runs for the golden console.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19. RECEPTION AREA - SHADA (NOT MADE) (The long forgotten Time Lord prison planet of Shada looks more like an asteroid than it does a planet. It looks like it was once a vertical egg-shaped body, but a quarter of it on the top has been carved away, and on the flat surface a small space structure can be seen Shada's reception area is small and only dimly lit with red pools of light. The air of dank decay hangs over everything. Even in the gloom, however, several small corridors can be seen leading off to other places.) (The centuries-old stillness is suddenly disturbed with the materialisation of the Police Box shaped TARDIS. The door opens and SKAGRA emerges, carrying his carpet bag. He is followed by the Krargs, who march ROMANA to the front of the group.) SKAGRA: Shada!! ROMANA: It looks horrid. SKAGRA: It was built by your race. A prison planet. ROMANA: I hope you feel at home. SKAGRA: Keep her silent! (The Krargs tighten their grip on her while SKAGRA glances around himself. He then walks to a central console in the middle of the room and brushes the dust off it disdainfully. He presses a few buttons and the machine hums into life.) The index. (He looks up an entry on a screen, written in Gallifreyan script. On the screen is the following) READOUT: RUNGAR - WAR CRIMES SEC. 5/JL SENTENCE IN PERP. CAB. 45, CHAM. S SABJATRIC - MASS MURDER SEC. 7/PY SENTENCE IN PERP. CAB. 43, CHAM. L SALYAVIN - MIND CRIMES SEC. 245/XR SENTENCE IN PERP. CAB. 9, CHAM. T SKAGRA: Salyavin! Chamber T, Cabinet 9. (He presses another button, and a dim light lights over one of the corridor entrances: Chambers R,S,T,V.) (To the Krargs) Two of you guard this machine. You, bring the girl. Come, you shall meet the great Salyavin. (They move into the interior of Shada...) [SCENE_BREAK] 20. CORRIDOR, SHADA (NOT MADE) (One KRARG, ROMANA, and SKAGRA step slowly down the dark corridor.) SKAGRA: This is where your precious Time Lords used to put the criminals they simply wanted to forget about. ROMANA: I've never even heard of it. SKAGRA: Obviously you forget very thoroughly on Gallifrey. (Ahead of them the tunnel branches. A dim light lights up - (T).) This way. (ROMANA shivers with a chill as they enter a branch in the tunnel. After they leave, a low grating sound is heard as the wooden door of Prof. Chronotis' TARDIS materialises in the wall.) TOM: Taking Romana and the Krargs with him, Skagra searches the records of Shada to discover the whereabouts of Salyavin. Success! They set off for in pursuit of Cabinet 9, Chamber T, leaving guards at the records centre. [SCENE_BREAK] 21. PROFESSOR'S ROOM (The golden console chimes, signalling their arrival at Shada,) PROFESSOR: Doctor, we're arrived! DOCTOR: Good! Good! (to CHRIS and CLARE) Now you two... CLARE & CHRIS: Yes? DOCTOR: Stay here. (The DOCTOR says "No" over their waving protestations adding) I'm not at liberty to explain. (He then squats down next to K-9) K-9, you can come along, but you're not to tangle with any Krargs, unless of course if you have to tangle with any Krargs. PROFESSOR: Hurry! Skagra will be here already. (He heads out the open door, the DOCTOR follows, holding the door open and telling K-9) DOCTOR: Come on! Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] 22. CORRIDOR, SHADA (NOT MADE) (They emerge through the door.) DOCTOR: The TARDIS must be in this direction. PROFESSOR: But Skagra will have gone in this direction. (He points the other way.) DOCTOR: How do you know? PROFESSOR: I... heard footsteps. DOCTOR: If I can get to the TARDIS first we can stop Skagra getting it back. He'll have no escape. PROFESSOR: But it is imperative we find him before he finds Salyavin. DOCTOR: Yes, but let's just exercise a little strategy shall we? [SCENE_BREAK] 23. MAIN CORRIDOR, SHADA (NOT MADE) (SKAGRA enters the large main chamber of Shada. It is decorated with a large array of translucent doors, through which the vague figures of people and creatures can be seen.) SKAGRA: The prisoners of Shada, each one in his own separate cryogenic cell. Alive, but frozen. In perpetual imprisonment. (sarcastically) A very humane solution don't you think? ROMANA: Don't look at me. I'm not answerable for the Time Lords. SKAGRA: You are a Time Lord? ROMANA: Yes, but... SKAGRA: No matter. Time Lords will soon be irrelevant. Before I find Salyavin I shall release some of these. They can become the first to participate in the Universal Mind. (He crosses to the main console in the centre of the chamber and checks the records. He recognises some of the names as he passes over their images. (The display shows some old foes of the DOCTOR's including a Dalek, a Cyberman, and a Zygon. [according to other documentation on SHADA stated that there was going to be a Cybermen (played by Pat Gorman) but not 100% sure on the Dalek and Zygon.]) SKAGRA makes his selection and operates the wakening mechanism. In several of the cells, gas swirls around the prisoners inside begin to stir...) TOM: The Professor seemed in some way able to know what was Skagra was thinking and insisted they head in a particular route. Skagra meanwhile revitalised the prisoners cabinet. They began to stir. [SCENE_BREAK] 24. PROFESSOR'S ROOM (CHRIS and CLARE relax inside Chronotis' rooms.) CHRIS: How odd some days work out isn't it? I mean there I was, just cycling down King's Parade... CLARE: Chris, there's something very strange about the Professor... CHRIS: Why single out the Professor? (CLARE starts to talk about her problem but CHRIS interrupts her.) I want to know what's going on out there. CLARE: Chris, you're not leaving to me... CHRIS: I just don't like getting left behind. I mean, just because we come from Earth doesn't give everyone the right to be patronising to us. (He examines the room's console.) Well, admittedly, all this does make us look a bit primitive. I doesn't have even the faintest idea how it all works. CLARE: I have. CHRIS: (very surprised) You do? CLARE: At least I did a while ago. CHRIS: What do you mean? CLARE: That's what I been trying to tell you all along. Its something that the Professor did to me, to my mind... (CHRIS looks half-shocked and half-puzzled and it looks like for CHRIS that all the pieces of the puzzle are falling into place.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25. MAIN CORRIDOR, SHADA (NOT MADE) (SKAGRA watches as a number of zombie-like prisoners stagger free from their cells and step into the main chamber.) SKAGRA: Enough. Their consciousness will soon return and we must be ready for them. (He removes the sphere from the bag in preparation.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26. CORRIDOR, SHADA (NOT MADE) (In the reception area, the Doctor spots the TARDIS but sees it guarded by two Krargs.) DOCTOR: So much for strategy. (He retreats back down the corridor he came up in to meet the PROFESSOR and K-9.) Alright, we'll do it your way. PROFESSOR: By all the suns, I hope we're not too late. (They rush down the corridor.) K-9... K-9: Professor? PROFESSOR: Be alert. If Skagra tries to use the sphere on ... anyone, you must destroy it. K-9: Affirmative. DOCTOR: I rather hope we're going to destroy it anyway. (They continue to move like ghosts down the deep, dark tunnels.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27. MAIN CONTROL, SHADA (NOT MADE) (SKAGRA searches the cubicles for Salyavin. As each prisoner comes out of his door, another cubicle slides on a mechanism behind the last one to replace it. Dimly visible, there are figures inside each cubicle. Cabinet Nine comes to the fore, and SKAGRA stops the mechanism.) SKAGRA: Cabinet Nine. There he is. The man I have spent my life finding. The man who will reshape the entire Universe! Salyavin! Let us release him!! (ROMANA's eyes watch nervously but raptly as SKAGRA's finger slowly moves toward the button, savouring the moment. Suddenly the DOCTOR bursts in, K-9 and Chronotis follow him.) DOCTOR: No, Skagra, stop! ROMANA: Doctor! SKAGRA: Keep away from here!! PROFESSOR: (heads directly for the console.) You must not press that button. (SKAGRA signals the KRARG to move. It draws its weapon and holds all the intruders back.) SKAGRA: You are too late! (He presses the button.) Salyavin is released!!! (Inside the cubicle, the gas swirls and fills the chamber, but... no one emerges. SKAGRA is confused and frightened. He goes to the cabinet. The DOCTOR and the PROFESSOR follow him slowly) Keep back! (But they try again and no attempt is made to stop them. SKAGRA pulls open the door, and reaches for the body that is still slumped there... He is utterly appalled to find a roughly made dummy...) Salyavin! Where is Salyavin! PROFESSOR: I escaped centuries ago. TOM: The prisoners were reviving from their sleep. Skagra approached Cabinet 9 and activated the revival just as I and my group burst into the chamber. Skagra warned us to keep back. He reached into the cabinet and pulled out a pathetic dummy-like substitute. Skagra's anger mounted until Professor Chronotis explained that HE was Salyavin. [SCENE_BREAK] 28. PROFESSOR'S ROOM (CLARE has told CHRIS about her experience with the PROFESSOR.) CHRIS: Let me just get this right. You say that he... Just "Walked into your mind." CLARE: Well sort of. Just like he barged in the front door and shuffled my thoughts about. CHRIS: But the Doctor said was that ability was unique to the guy that Skagra's come here to find. . . (He trails off as he realises that the PROFESSOR is Salayavin.) On your feet, Keightley. Come on, let's see what's happening. (They get to their feet and with CHRIS leading the way, they leave the Professor's TARDIS and enter Shada. . .) [SCENE_BREAK] 29. MAIN CONTROL, SHADA (NOT MADE) (SKAGRA cannot believe what he's just heard.) SKAGRA: You! DOCTOR: You're Salyavin? PROFESSOR: Yes, I am Doctor. That's why I wanted no one to come here. I wanted to live my life out in peace. To forget the stupidities of my past, forget this hateful power. I have suppressed it for years, except where it was necessary to cover my tracks. Now, go Skagra, leave me in peace. Forget this insanity. SKAGRA: No Salyavin, I have you here. I have everything I need! PROFESSOR: Do not force me to use my power on you, Skagra. (Suddenly the DOCTOR notices that the sphere has been idly drifting towards the PROFESSOR and it begins to settle on his head.) DOCTOR: K-9! The sphere! Shoot it! (K-9 immediately shoots the globe full blast with his nose laser. The sphere shatters into pieces, but each piece seems to form into a new, smaller, sphere. One of them swiftly attaches itself to the PROFESSOR, who drops to the floor with a howl of pain. The other spheres cut off the DOCTOR's path.) SKAGRA: Now, Doctor, stay very, very still. (The Krarg deliberately tightens his grip on ROMANA who yelps with pain.) Now, Doctor, you shall see the beginning of the Universal Mind! (The sphere that had attacked the PROFESSOR now leaves him and joins the other spheres. The room glows as though in a thunderstorm as vast amounts of electric-looking, strangely coloured power crackles between the spheres. Then each sphere attaches itself to one of the nearby prisoners. SKAGRA smiles in triumph... as do the prisoners... SKAGRA turns to face the Doctor... as do the prisoners... The Doctor backs off, lost for any and all words...) [SCENE_BREAK] 30. CORRIDOR, SHADA (NOT MADE) (CHRIS and CLARE arrive and watch the link-up of the prisoners and the start of the march towards the DOCTOR. Chris sees what's going on and rushes forward to help before CLARE can stop him.) CHRIS: (shouting) No! [SCENE_BREAK] 31. MAIN CONTROL, SHADA (NOT MADE) (CHRIS runs into the middle of the chamber. SKAGRA and the prisoners glare at him as if one.) SKAGRA: Sphere! (Before CHRIS can move, a sphere zooms over and attaches itself to his forehead. In an instant, he is taken over. His expression matches that of the others, and together all the prisoners, including CHRIS, advance on the DOCTOR.) SKAGRA: (promises evilly) NOW DOCTOR, WE WILL DEAL WITH YOU!!!! (The prisoners, including CHRIS, get the DOCTOR trapped in a corner of the room. Hands outstretched in claws, they march like one towards the DOCTOR.) TOM: (by the "Pyramids Of Mars" Coffin.) Skagra ordered the sphere to drain Salayvin's mind but K-9 blasted it into pieces. Each fragment reformed into another small sphere. One of which settled on the old man. Skagra was exhilarated - "You shall see the beginning of the universal mind" he cries as the spheres came together, discharging vast amounts of energy. And then, each of them attach themselves to one of the prisoners who turned towards me. Chris and Clare entered the chamber and the young man rushed forward trying to help. A sphere absorbed his mind in an instant. The prisoners, including Chris, marched menacing towards me...

See Shada, Part One for the full summary of all six Parts.

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UNDERWORLD BY: BOB BAKER AND DAVE MARTIN Part Two Running time: 21:27 [SCENE_BREAK] K9 (OOV.): One hundred metres. Penetration. You have penetration. JACKSON: Now, Tala. Full acceleration. DOCTOR: That's the P7E. TALA: Captain, the fuel's going. JACKSON: What do you mean? That's a planet. DOCTOR: That's where the signal's coming from. JACKSON: Where? DOCTOR: Right in the middle. The planet formed around it. TALA: Captain, the fuel's gone. JACKSON: That's it, then. There's nothing else we can do. LEELA: Sit down! We're going to crash! DOCTOR: Full speed! K9 (OOV.): Mach twelve. Impact in eleven seconds. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, DOCTOR: Hold tight. K9 (OOV.): Four, three. LEELA: Hold tight? K9 (OOV.): Two, one, zero. Stand by for impact. DOCTOR: You can relax now. Relax, everyone. It's a soft planet in the process of formation. Only the core will be solid and with any luck this stuff should slow us down so we don't hit it with too much of a bang. [SCENE_BREAK] K9: Two hundred and fifty kilometres below planet surface. Speed mach point three, decreasing. [SCENE_BREAK] JACKSON: Orfe, the signal. Tune in on the signal! ORFE: That's it! JACKSON: We've got it! DOCTOR: Fascinating. The Quest and nothing but the Quest. ORFE: Contact. R1C to P7E. R1C to P7E. JACKSON: We must be right on top of it! [SCENE_BREAK] MAN: The sky is falling! IDMON: Help, damn you. Help us! SON: They won't, father, they won't. Don't say any more. IDMON: Then may the sky fall on them. May the sky fall on your families. IDAS: No, father. The guards. They'll tell the guards. IDMON: May the sky fall on yours as it has on mine. IDAS: Please, father, dig. IDMON: My children, my children. [SCENE_BREAK] TARN: Skyfall on eight and a Trog making trouble. RASK: Many dead? TARN: Not enough. There were two more bursts yesterday. What we need is a good sacrifice. Trogs always work harder after a good sacrifice. RASK: I'll take a patrol out, pick him up. [SCENE_BREAK] ORFE: Ready, sir? DOCTOR: Well, Jackson? JACKSON: Right, Orfe. Open up. DOCTOR: Solid rock? JACKSON: Yes, solid rock. Igneous hematite, I should imagine. DOCTOR: Igneous hematite? That means we're at the core. LEELA: But I thought planets had fire in the middle. DOCTOR: Well, old ones like Earth, yes, but new ones have a molten slurry round a solid core. All we have to do is burrow our way out of here and enter the core. LEELA: Oh, is that all. JACKSON: But we've no power, no energy source to recharge. DOCTOR: I don't know about that. What about a shield gun? JACKSON: Yes, a shield gun. Herrick, jump to it. HERRICK: Sir. [SCENE_BREAK] IDMON: We all know we're slaves to the guards as the guards are slaves to the Seers. IDAS: Don't say any more, father. IDMON: And the Seers to the Oracle. We're all slaves, all of us, of every class. Slaves to the Oracle. IDAS: They're coming, father. IDMON: But we all know the answer, don't we? We all know the answer because it was prophesied. And the answer is to escape! IDAS: It isn't, father. IDMON: Escape through there, through the sky to the stars! RASK: Now! IDMON: No, Idas. Idas, run! Run! RASK: Two of you, after him! RASK: Heresy! Treachery! Incitement to escape. IDMON: There's nothing you can do to me now, Rask. RASK: You know the penalty, Idmon. [SCENE_BREAK] RASK: Stop, Trog, or I'll fire. RASK: Suspect sighted on eight, moving nine. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Herrick! DOCTOR: Give it a blast. Hold it. Like that, I think. HERRICK: Fire! [SCENE_BREAK] HERRICK: We're through, Captain! It looks like a cavern or a tunnel or something. [SCENE_BREAK] TARN: Skyfall on nine. Rask, we have skyfall on nine. RASK (OOV.): Approaching nine. TARN: Remain in position till skyfall investigated. [SCENE_BREAK] HERRICK: It's hacked out of solid rock. JACKSON: Hacked out by what, I wonder? Get down, Herrick! [SCENE_BREAK] TARN: Minor fall. No structural collapse. I'll check out the rest, then you go ahead, Rask. Checking now. [SCENE_BREAK] HERRICK: It's moving on. Do you think it was looking for us? JACKSON: It was looking for somebody. This planet is inhabited, all right. [SCENE_BREAK] JACKSON: There's a tunnel and a surveillance system, so whatever life there is is intelligent and we must be on our guard. DOCTOR: Get on with it, Jackson. JACKSON: All in good time, Doctor. Our objective is to locate the P7E and remove the race bank cylinders to a place of safety. The Quest is the Quest. ALL: The Quest is the Quest. JACKSON: Shield gun. JACKSON: Silent routine. HERRICK: Sir. JACKSON: No, Doctor. DOCTOR: The Quest is the Quest. JACKSON: Our Quest, Doctor. Not yours. DOCTOR: Of course. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Welcome to the underworld. LEELA: Are we going to follow them? DOCTOR: Of course. LEELA: Good. Oh, what about K9? DOCTOR: Oh, he'll be all right. He's building up his strength. LEELA: Well, how? There's no power source. DOCTOR: Hmm, radiation. LEELA: Radiation. That is lucky. DOCTOR: Not at all. Igneous rock core, new planet, bound to be radiation. Luck? Physics isn't luck, physics is fact. Are facts. Is fact. Anyway, why do you think these tunnels were dug out? LEELA: I don't know. DOCTOR: Exactly. Energy. Can't survive on a new planet with a soul full of hope and fresh air, you know. LEELA: Shall we go? DOCTOR: Shush. Shall we go? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Aberdeen? LEELA: Yes, the Granite City. DOCTOR: That's right. Did you know, the people there absorb more radiation from the granite than people who work every day in nuclear power plants. LEELA: Is that good for them? DOCTOR: Well, of course it is. It shows that organisms can adapt to any kind of environment, even one like this with a high radiation count. LEELA: Look out! LEELA: (quietly) He looks like a wounded animal. Why's he so frightened? DOCTOR: I don't know. I'll ask him. LEELA: (quietly) Look! Get back. RASK: You two. That pile of rubble. RASK: After them! DOCTOR: Quick, in here. LEELA (OOV.): Keep still. Keep still! Oh, for a weapon. RASK: Not here. Must have doubled back, damn Trogs. Know these warrens like the back of their hands. Security, not enough men. We're clearing out. I want tunnel nine, main and ancillary workings closed down once we're clear. Stand by for fumigation. DOCTOR: Fumigation? I don't like the sound of that. They're going to smoke us out like badgers. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Look, Doctor. Blood. IDAS: No, no! LEELA: Surrender or die! DOCTOR: No, no! Don't, don't, don't. Get off him, Leela. You're terrifying the poor fellow. LEELA: Oh. DOCTOR: He's wounded. It's all right, we're friends. She won't hurt you. IDAS: She? DOCTOR: Leela. IDAS: She is like the guards. DOCTOR: Really? LEELA: Is it bad? DOCTOR: I don't know. Fetch me a tissue, Leela, from the command deck. LEELA: Tissue. Tissue from the command deck. Tissue from the command deck. DOCTOR: What's your name? IDAS: Idas. DOCTOR: Idas? Hello, Idas. IDAS: Hello. DOCTOR: Are you frightened? [SCENE_BREAK] JACKSON: These tunnels could stretch for miles. P7E must be at the end of one of them, but which one? ORFE: Split up, sir? Two pairs? JACKSON: No. Herrick? HERRICK: Sir. JACKSON: Reconnoitre. HERRICK: Yes, sir. I'll just put a marker here, sir. JACKSON: We three stay here. KLIMT: Klimt here. Possible suspect on nine. HERRICK: Now where in Heed is? KLIMT: Stop, Trog. Stop, Trog, or I'll fire. HERRICK: Hey, who are you? KLIMT: Stop, Trog! HERRICK: Don't Trog me, you BLACK (OOV.): Officer Klimt? Officer Klimt? Clear tunnel nine. Clear tunnel nine. [SCENE_BREAK] TARN: Tunnel nine is being cleared for fumigation. Officer Klimt? TARN: Officer Klimt! Officer Klimt! [SCENE_BREAK] BLACK (OOV.): Klimt! Come in, please. HERRICK: Oh, Officer Klimt has retired, suddenly. BLACK (OOV.): Who is that? Who is that? HERRICK: Well, this is Trog Herrick, here. Who's that? [SCENE_BREAK] TARN: A Trog, and he's armed. Close down tunnel nine for fumigation! RASK: Tunnel nine closing down. [SCENE_BREAK] HERRICK: Captain! JACKSON: Herrick! [SCENE_BREAK] RASK: Tunnel nine closedown completed. TARN: Fumigate! RASK: Fumigating now. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Well, that shouldn't take much fixing. IDAS: Are you a Seer? DOCTOR: What? Oh, Leela. Thank you. DOCTOR: This is the one. Go back and unplug K9. LEELA: Go back? But I've only just been DOCTOR: Yes. Linked up like that, he's recharging the whole ship. I'll need him soon. The ship can look after itself. LEELA: Yes, Doctor. DOCTOR: Sting, did it? That's good. Now, what was it you wanted to know? Hmm? IDAS: Are you a Seer? DOCTOR: No, no, I'm just a traveller. IDAS: Where? Where'd you come from? DOCTOR: The sky. IDAS: You lie! DOCTOR: What? IDAS: There's nothing but chaos above the sky. DOCTOR: The stars, then? IDAS: Stars? DOCTOR: Yes, Idas. This ship comes from the stars. IDAS: My father. My father talked of the stars. There's a prophecy amongst the slaves that one day gods will come and set us free. Are you a god? DOCTOR: Well, no, but could you take me to your father? Why not? IDAS: There was a skyfall. All our family were buried. My father said we should try and escape, but the guards have taken him and he's going to be sacrificed to the Oracle. There's nothing any one can do. DOCTOR: We'll see about that. Come on, get up. LEELA: I've unplugged K9. DOCTOR: His name's Idas. LEELA: Hello, Idas. Doctor! Doctor, look! IDAS: A trap. A trap to kill me! LEELA: Doctor? Doctor? Doctor, where are you? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Get him to the command deck. He'll be all right there. LEELA: Where are you going? DOCTOR: Out. LEELA: Out there? You'll suffocate! DOCTOR (OOV.): Get him to the command deck! LEELA: Yes, yes. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Whatever blows can be sucked.

Crashing inside a newly formed planet, the Doctor and others find it inhabited by a slave labor mining society, where rocks are harvested for their radioactive energy and human life has little value. With a population controlled by deliberate cave-ins, poison gas, and periodic sacrifices to an Oracle, the miners, called Trogs, are also descendants from Minyos, and who desperately desire freedom.

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[Scene: Manor. Living room. Prue's kneeling on the floor holding her camera and taking photos of Piper, who's looking out the window.] Prue: Hmm, so I think I'll call this "woman not pretending to look out the window." Piper: How about "girl about the pour hot tea on sisters head." Let me see. (Prue shows her the photo.) Either I'm that transparent or you're that good. Prue: Well, I don't think I'll comment since you do have hot liquid over my head. Piper: I'm sorry, I just, I was watching Dan come home alone and I think a more appropriate title for that photo would be " witch with a severe case of the guilt's." And he was a nice guy who did nothing wrong and... Prue: Piper, you had to end the relationship, alright. Your heart wasn't in it and it was the only way not to break his. Piper: I know, I just feel like Dan got the short end of the stick. Prue: There are so many ways that I can go with that but I think I'll just... Piper: Thank you. Prue: Besides, you shouldn't be worried about your past when your future is in town tonight for dinner and a movie. Piper: I know, I know, I know. My first real date with Leo as a normal couple. And normal couples usually shower before their dates, so I'll see you later. Prue: Okay. (Piper walks out of the living room and Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Hi doody. Piper: Hi doody. Prue: Hey. (Phoebe sits down on the couch. She has a smile on her face.) Someone's in a good mood. What's his name? Phoebe: Billy. Prue: Phoebe, you didn't? Phoebe: What? Prue: You went to go see "Kill It Before It Dies" at the revival house didn't you? Phoebe: No, why would you think that I... (Prue raises her eyebrows.) Okay, I did. But you know what? It was research. Prue: Okay, what kind of class sends you to the movies? Phoebe: No, not for school, for me. I mean, if I', supposed to figure out what I want from a guy, I might as well start with the first guy I fell for, don't you think? Billy is the ideal man. Prue: He's a character in a movie. One that I might add you weren't even supposed to watch. Phoebe: When I was twelve. I think after a year and a half of battling monsters I can handle a scary movie. Did I mention that Billy is the perfect man? Prue: Once or twice. (The doorbell rings.) Phoebe: I will get that. (Phoebe gets up and answers the door. The camera stays focused on Prue.) Can I help you? Prue: Pheebs, who is it? (Suddenly Phoebe goes flying through the foyer.) Phoebe: Aaahhh! (The demon of Illusion walks in the foyer.) Demon: Get up you miserable witch. Prue: Hey, if you don't have anything nice to say. (Prue uses her powers and the demon crashes into the grandfather clock.) Demon: And then there were two. (He runs outside.) Phoebe: Ow, ow. (Prue helps her up.) Prue: You okay? Phoebe: Oh, sure. Prue: Come on, come on, come on. (They run outside. Piper comes down the stairs.) Piper: Alright, who took my l... (She notices the mess on the floor.) [Cut to the movie theatre. Prue and Phoebe walk in. The movie "Kill It Before It Dies" is playing. The seats are empty except for one guy who's sitting in an aisle seat eating popcorn.] Prue: I ca not believe they made us pay. Guy: Shh. Phoebe: Sorry. Prue: He's gotta be hiding in here somewhere. Guy: Excuse me, but do you think you might keep it down. This is my favourite part. Phoebe: Ooh, mine too. This is when Billy comes on and then th... Prue: Pheebs, we need a spell. Phoebe: Okay, but we know nothing about this guy. I can't just whip one up. (They see him near the front row.) Prue: Oh, he's making a break for it. Phoebe: Um, "evil that has traveled near, I call on you to disappear, elementals hear my call, remove this creature from these walls." (The demon disappears in a puff of smoke.) Guy: That was the most coolest thing I have ever seen. Phoebe: It's all part of the show, sir. (to Prue) I can not believe that that just worked. It seemed too easy. Prue: Wow, we are getting way too tough for these guys. (They start walking out of the cinema and Phoebe keeps watching the movie.) No, no. (They leave. The demon appears on the screen. He laughs evilly.) Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Foyer. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are cleaning up the mess.] Phoebe: How am I supposed to know what his deal is? He likes moonlit walks, thinks holding hands is under rated, and enjoys in his spare time killing witches. Piper: It was a question for the room, Pheebs. When a demon makes a house call, my curiosity gets peaked. Prue: Yeah, well, the house is a mess again. I mean, how come we can't fight the demon of cleanliness or the demon of housekeeping, or even that really big bald guy, Mr. Clean? I would so totally take him on. Piper: But I don't get is the order of things. Don't we usually start some place dark and dreary and then end up at the manor for the big old vanquish? Phoebe: Wait a minute. He followed me home. I knew I recognised him from somewhere. He was at the movies and then he followed me home. Prue: Well, he had a reason to attack us, so he would of found us sooner or later. Piper: But the question is why? I mean, we usually don't vanquish someone without knowing who, what, where, when... Prue: Well, what about the how? How did you know how to vanquish him? Phoebe: Well, remember the spell that we used for the bunyip? Well, I just combined that with the one for the demon with the horn coming out of his... Piper: Forehead? Phoebe: Yep. Piper: Nice work. I wish they all went this smoothly. Oh my God, I'm late, I'm so late, I have to get ready. (She gives Prue a broom.) Hold this, here take this. I'll help when I come back but Leo... Prue, Phoebe: Go. [Scene: Restaurant. Leo's sitting at a table looking bored. Piper walks up to the table.] Piper: How's the date so far? Leo: It just got better. Piper: You can do your homework, pick the right restaurant, the perfect wine waiting and chilled but it helps if you show up. I'm sorry. Leo: It's alright, you're here now. (Piper looks down.) What? Piper: Nothing. It's just this guy, warlock or demon or something burst into the house and somehow Phoebe managed to vanquish him but we still don't know who he was. Something just feels off. I'm sorry, no work talk, we promised. Leo: It's alright, you're the one who wanted to keep tonight magic free. I'm okay with it. Piper: Wanna start over? Leo: Okay. (They lean over the table and kiss.) Waiter: Pardon me. Leo: Oh, I hope you don't mind, I got the munchies. Piper: No, not at all. (The waiter places something on the table.) Thank you. (The waiter walks away.) Uh, there's no salt. Could you ask that table for theirs? Leo: Sure, um, excuse me, may we borrow your salt? (The guy turns around and it's Dan.) Dan: Leo. Piper. Piper: Hi Dan... and Dan's date. Dan: Amelia, this is Leo and Piper. Piper: Amelia as in someone I just work with Amelia? Dan: Um, here's your salt. Piper: Thanks. Leo: Well, at least he's not pining away. (An accordion player is playing the accordion fairly close to them. Piper gets fed up and freezes the whole restaurant.) Piper: Is this some kind of test? (She unfreezes Leo.) Okay, so I'd like everything to be normal but there's only so much a girl can take. Here's to our first real date. (They are just about to clink their glasses and the Whitelighters call Leo.) What are you doing? They need you? Okay, well, I guess it would be the same thing if I was dating a doctor, right? I just wanted tonight to be perfect. Leo: Well, it was. I was with you. (Leo starts to orb out.) Piper: Wait a minute. (He stops orbing.) Leo: What's wrong? Piper: If we can't have a normal date, can we at least have a normal exit? Enough with the disappearing guy stuff. Leo: Okay. Piper: Okay. (She unfreezes the restaurant. Leo stands up and kisses Piper. He walks away. Dan turns around and looks at Piper.) Check! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: 415 magazine. Prue and Mr. Corso are walking down the corridor. Mr. Corso is talking on his cell phone.] Mr. Corso: Talk to anyone who was in the movie theatre at the time. Well, find out what happened before the fight broke out. No, but I got a location which is where you should of been fifteen minutes ago. Prue: Are you talking about the revival house on Larkon? Mr. Corso: Not unless you know something I don't. Do you? Prue: Well, maybe not about this. Mr. Corso: Okay, you're gonna be working with one of our staff writers. Finley's running late to the interview so you're gonna have to shoot him... Prue: Finley? Finley, as in in Finley Beck? (They walk in a room.) Finley Beck? Mr. Corso: You know him. And here I thought you were just a beginner. Prue: Okay, he is the whole reason why this beginner got started. He is amazing. Have you met him? Mr. Corso: Not in person. I just know him through his press. Prue: Alright, well, (she grabs his book off the table) I mean, the pro's in this is mediocre at best. They didn't even cover his-his period in Germany. Not only is he a gifted photographer but he just seems so, so giving and warm. Mr. Corso: A fan? (The door opens and Finley is there yelling at someone.) Finley: And you can tell him I said so. (He walks in.) Can we get started? I'm on a schedule. Prue: Hi, I'm, um, Mr. Beck, I'm-I'm Prue Halliwell. Finley: So when's this photographer blessing us with his presence? Prue: That would be me. Finley: You're twelve. Prue: Oh, I'm good. Finley: I'll decide that. Oh, please tell me you're not planning on shooting me in digital. Oh, no, no, no, not now, not tomorrow, not ever. Digital is for amateurs. Careful dear, your true colours are showing. Why don't you do something useful and get me some tea. [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper's there. Phoebe walks in the back door.] Piper: Hey, honey, how was school? Phoebe: Will someone please tell me what is up with guys? Piper: You don't really expect me to have an answer for that do you? Phoebe: Okay, so I have lunch with this guy from lab, right? He is totally melotonan boy. Piper: That bad? Phoebe: I'm keeping his number in case I have trouble sleeping. Piper: That bad. Phoebe: So I'm sitting there trying desperately not to fall asleep and all I kept thinking about was yesterday. Piper: I know, we still have no idea who he was or how you vanquished him. Phoebe: No, not that. Billy. The guy from the movie and I know that this is reality but why can't a guy like that exist in my reality? (Leo orbs in.) Here I am talking about the shortage of perfect men and in orbs yours. Piper: I found one of the good guys. (Piper and Leo kiss.) Leo: Unfortunately, I'm here to talk about the bad guys. Piper: No shortage of those. Leo: Yeah, they sent for me last night so I could warn you. Piper: Okay, fill in a blank. It's the demon of...? Leo: Illusion. Apparently he uses magic somehow to create violence in society. They told me he's here to make San Francisco his trade. He's got a scar below his eye. Phoebe: And a goatee? Not a problem, we vanquished him last night. Leo: Are you sure? 'Cause they wouldn't of sent me. Piper: Unless the demon isn't gone. Phoebe: Okay, you call Prue, I'll go to the Book Of Shadows. We gotta get back to that revival house. [Scene: In the movie theatre. Prue, Piper and Phoebe walk in. Piper freezes the audience.] Piper: Alright, now what? Phoebe: Well, when we last saw the demon, we vanquished him at 9:06... (The demon appears on the screen.) Prue: And now his in act three. Demon: Actually I was just leaving. I should've known the disappearing demon routine wouldn't of fooled you for long. Prue: Yeah, all you really did was piss us off. (She tries to use her power on him but it doesn't work.) Demon: Silly wiccan. Tricks are for kids. Prue: Piper. (Piper tries to freeze him.) Demon: This is the world of Illusion and you girls are reality. You powers, unlike mine, can not cross between the two. (Billy comes on the screen.) Billy: Sally Mae? Sally Mae, where are you? It's getting dark an... (He notices the demon.) I thought you said you weren't gonna cause anymore- Demon: Shut up! Phoebe: Hey! (Billy looks at Phoebe.) Oh my God, I think he's looking at me. Billy: Hi. Phoebe: Hi. Prue: Okay, I hate to put a dampener on your little love connection here, sis, but we need to kick some ass. Demon: Oh, is that what you're gonna do? How cute. How clever of you. (Phoebe smiles and winks at Billy.) Any idea on how you intend to do that? Or are you just gonna flirt me to death like your little tardy sister. Billy: Watch your language in front of the ladies. Consider that a warning. Demon: I'm sorry, was it the word 'sister' that bothered you? How about bitch. Does that go down easier? (Billy jumps on the demon and they both come out of the screen and they roll around on the floor.) Phoebe: Prue, stop him. (Prue uses her power and the demon is thrown through the air. Billy stands up and he's still in black and white.) Demon: You're off the screen. How did you...? Thanks for the inspiration, sport. (He runs outside.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Leo and Billy are there. Prue puts the Book Of Shadows on a table.] Piper: So what does he want? Prue: Well, it doesn't matter, right? Let's just get rid of him. Billy: I don't mean to interrupt but is there a point in this scene where someone explains this part to me? Piper: Phoebe, you brought this fictitious character back for a play date, you tell him. Phoebe: You're right, we should of left him at the movie theatre, he would've really blended in there. Um, Billy, this isn't a movie. Uh, this is reality as in we're all real and you... I haven't quite figured that part out yet. Billy: But you... Leo: They're the good guys. Prue: Right, okay, um, we know that the demon can go from the real world to the world of Illusion and now he can bring a buddy along for the ride. The question is what does he want? Piper: Leo, they told you that his goal was to create violence in society. Leo: Yeah, but they left out the how part. Billy: He goes into movies. That's where he does it. Prue: Does what? Billy: First he... Where's the music? Phoebe: Music? What music? Billy: This is around the second act, right? When everything's about to be explained. Where's the music we're supposed to talk over, to build suspense and hide the exposition? Don't you just hate exposition? Phoebe: Don't even get me started. Prue: Alright, you said that he does something in the movie. Like, what, to the story? Billy: No, to the audience. When they leave they're different, angry. Piper: So that's his shtick? He casts a spell in the movies? Leo: Must be how this demon spreads his particular brand of violence. Phoebe: Wait, that's why he looked so familiar. He wasn't at the movie, he was in the movie. Piper: So if he can use Billy's movie, then he can use other movies. Leo: If he's gonna spread violence, he's gonna pray on people that are already open to it. Prue: Alright, so he'll be in horror movies. I'll grab a paper, head out to the theatres that are playing those. Piper: Okay, Leo and I will go with you. Phoebe: I'll call Morris, give him a heads up. Prue: Uh, Phoebe, maybe you should do something with Billy. You know, add a little techni-colour to him. [Cut to the foyer. Leo, Piper and Prue are walking down the stairs. Prue's cell phone rings. She answers it.] Prue: Hello? Finley: Miss Halliwell. Prue: Mr. Beck. (They walk towards the door.) Uh, how did you... Finley: I realized I have photo approval. (Piper puts on her coat.) Prue: Yes, I'm totally aware that you have photo approval. Finley: I want to see you. Prue: Now? Finley: Yes. Prue: Well, no, see actually I'm not at home right now. (Piper helps Prue puts her coat on.) So maybe we can meet at the magazine later. Finley: That won't work for me. Prue: Later's not good for you? Finley: No. Prue: Well, when would be good for you? Finley: (from outside) Now. (They all stand still.) Little late don't you think? I can see you moving. (Prue hangs up and opens the door.) Dark room would be where? (He walks in.) Piper: So that's Finley? Prue: My hero. Well, I guess the plans has sort of changed. Piper: Alright, we'll call you later. (Piper and Leo leave.) Finley: (from another room) Don't mind me. I'm just wandering through your house. [Scene: Movie theatre. "Axe Husband" is playing. The axe murderer finishes murdering someone and the demon comes on the screen.] Demon: How would you like to do that for real? I can get you out of here. Take you to a place where the movie never ends. (The audience start talking and wonders what's going on.) Simmer down. (Dust comes out of his hand and floats over the audience.) I'll get back to you in a moment. (to the axe murderer) So, interested? (He nods.) Uh, as with most things, there is one catch. I get to pick three victims. They're choice little morsels and I think you'll find them quite powerless against your charms. Feel free to kill anyone you like on the way. Just get me those girls. (The axe murderer walks out of the screen.) Now, ladies and gentlemen. Let's make your PG lives rated R. Who needs violence when you can make it yourself. (The audience start fighting and yelling at each other.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe's putting make-up on Billy. He's all colour now except for a little spot on his forehead.] Phoebe: Sally Mae gets her hair caught in the car door right when the monster's about to get her. I love that part. Oh, I'm sorry. Not only have you seen it, you've lived it. Billy: It's alright. I love to here what you think. Phoebe: Okay, now you have to be careful not to say that because every girl will know you're not for real. (Billy smiles at her.) You make me feel like a kid again. I mean, I-I must of seen you... well, the movie a thousand times. Billy: I'm glad you liked it. Phoebe: Yeah, and even that ridiculous dialogue and that predictable story, you just... you made your character seem really real, you know. Billy: Phoebe, I am those lines. That's how I was written. I don't exist outside that movie. Phoebe: Until now. Billy: I never minded. I always knew what scenes to show or form or what to say. But then he comes into the movie and I'm getting to write my own lines. Be more like you. I think you're swell, Phoebe. Phoebe: Thank you, Billy. Billy: But I don't know how this happened or how I'm supposed to be. Everything I've ever known, understood, touched, it's all been scripted. I had no choice but here you have options. Where to go, what to say, what to do. Phoebe: Well, you're in my world now. What do you want to do? (Billy takes off Phoebe's glasses and they kiss passionately. When they end the kiss, Phoebe notices his lips have turned back to black and white.) I almost forgot. (She starts putting the make-up back on his lips. The phone rings and Phoebe answers it.) Hello? Morris: Hi Phoebe. Thanks for the heads up on the movie theatre thing. Phoebe: What happened? Morris: Mission multiplex. One dead, four injured, six in custody. Can you believe that? Phoebe: You know what? At this point I think I would believe anything. Okay, thank you for calling but keep your eyes open. I think this day's gonna get worse before it gets better, okay? Alright. Morris: Bye. Phoebe: Bye. (She hangs up and then dials a number.) Piper, we found our demon. [Cut to downstairs in the dark room. Prue and Finley are developing the photos.] Prue: Um, you know, maybe you'd like to take those home. Relax, ponder, choose which one you'd like. Finley: Maybe you'd like to be quiet while I see if I can save these things. Phoebe: (from upstairs) Prue, is it okay to come down? Prue: Not really a good time. Phoebe: Okay, well I really need to demon-strate something for you. Prue: Okay, what is it? (Phoebe pokes her head around the curtain.) Phoebe: Uh, once you finish your thing and I finish my thing, then we really need to go meet Piper and Leo to fix the thing that we saw at the... Prue: Thing. Phoebe: Exact... I love you. I'll be back upstairs. Prue: Okay. (Phoebe leaves. Prue notices Finley looking at her.) Sisters. Finley: Here. Print this one again. You need to flag a gradual fade on the wall behind the me and burn in the key under my chin. Would you like me to hold your hand this time? (Prue turns on the light. She puts a photo under a magnifying glass.) I figured out what's wrong with your photos, Miss Halliwell. Absolutely no depth. Prue: Really? Now would that be the technique or the subject? Finley: Excuse me? Prue: I wish I could. Your work meant more to me then you will ever know and because of that, I have carried around this illusion of what it would mean to me to meet you and to learn from you and how that would make me appreciate your work even more, but now it is so hard for me to even look at your pictures because I think of the man who took them. And it is devastating to me to realise that the brilliance of your eye is completely destroyed by the ignorance of your mouth. (The photo under the magnifying glass catches on fire.) Finley: See that's the thing about art, Miss Halliwell. If you leave your subject under the light too long, it burns. (Finley leaves and starts to walk up the stairs. Prue grabs her camera.) Prue: Mr. Beck. (He turns his head and she takes a photo.) Thank you. Finley: You're welcome. [Scene: Movie theatre. The movie with Bloody Mary in it is playing. Piper and Leo walk in.] Piper: It wasn't much of a date last night. You wanna find a couple of seats in the back and make out before demon hunting? (The demon appears on the screen and dust comes out of his hands and floats onto the audience.) Okay, well, I'm okay, you're okay. Magic perk. Demon: Didn't you hear the management? Please refrain from talking. Oh, well, I guess I'll have to kill you. Better yet. Mary, oh Bloody Mary. (Mary walks on the screen.) There's one of the girls that's been getting in my way. Don't stab her all in one place. (Bloody Mary come out of the screen and heads for Piper and Leo. Piper tries freezing her.) Piper: Okay, uh, that didn't work but my legs still do. Okay let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe and Billy are making out.] [Cut to the dark room. Prue's putting things away.] Prue: I'll be right there, Pheebs. (The axe murderer chops down the curtain and then aims for Prue. She screams and ducks. She tries to use her power on him and starts to run up the stairs. He trips her and he raises his axe. Prue stands back up and he chops the stair. Prue kicks him in the face and runs out of the basement.) Phoebe! (She runs up the stairs.) [Cut to the attic. Phoebe and Billy are still making out. Prue runs in.] Phoebe: Hello, privacy. Prue: Hello, axe murderer. (Prue uses her power and moves a table in front of the door. The axe murderer chops his way through the door. Phoebe and Prue stand behind Billy. Then they run towards the back of the room and Prue moves a dresser in front of them with her power. The axe murderer continues to chop things with his axe. He rips off a dress that was hanging on a stand with his axe.) Oh, that was an antique, you assho- (Billy covers her mouth.) Phoebe: He's very sensitive about the language. [Cut to the foyer. Piper runs in and locks the door.] Piper: (She wanders through the house while saying this.) (Panicking) Okay, dead woman with a knife on her way. Leo stayed behind to calm down the Where is everybody? (She hears screams from upstairs and runs up the stairs.) [Cut back to the attic. The axe murderer is still chopping through things. Prue grabs a chair and holds it up but the axe murderer chops it. Then all of sudden he stops and falls to the floor. You see a piece of wood sticking in his back and Piper standing there.] Phoebe: Pretty sneaky, sis. (Prue goes over to Piper.) Prue: Phoebe, does this guy look familiar to you? Phoebe: Uh, yeah, kinda. Piper: When Leo and I tracked down the demon, he sent some white pasty hag literally off the screen to kill us. I think he called her Bloody Mary. Phoebe: Wait a minute, this Paul Bunyin with a labotomy, he's from "Axe Husband", I saw that last week. Prue: We so have to monitor your viewing habits. (The axe murderer moves and they all scream and run down the stairs.) Piper: We can't kill them, they're not real, they're fiction. Prue: We can't kill something that doesn't exist. (Bloody Mary appears from around the corner and they all scream. Billy grabs her and she stabs him.) Phoebe: Billy! Billy: I have something in common with the bad guys. Run! (Bloody Mary pulls the knife out. Everyone runs in different directions.) [Cut to the bathroom. Piper runs in and shuts the door. She looks around for a place to hide. She gets in the shower and pulls the shower curtain across.] Piper: I am being stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower. (She hears the door open and she stands still. Then she hears footsteps getting closer and closer to the shower. She crouches down and you see a shadow through the shower curtain and an arm reaches up and pulls the shower curtain across. Piper screams. It's Prue and she screams too. They calm down and Piper gets out of the shower.) Prue: Okay, okay, oh, oh, at least they're not in the bathroom with us, that's-that's kinda good. (The door opens and Bloody Mary walks in.) Bloody Mary: Pretty little girls. (They scream again and run out the other door. They run around the corner and run into Phoebe and Billy. They all scream. They calm down.) Phoebe: I think I figured out how to kill these guys. (You see the axe murderer's shadow coming around the corner. He walks around the corner and Billy pounces on him.) Billy! Billy: He can't hurt me. You run. I'll see if I can hold this one off. (They run back upstairs into the attic.) Phoebe: Okay, okay, so Billy said that the only thing he knows is what's written for him in those movies, so maybe this is the only way the psycho's know how to die is how they were killed on screen. Piper: Well, how am I supposed to know that? I'm a romantic-comedy girl. Why go to the horror movies when they come to us? Prue: Alright, that leaves you, Pheebs. (Bloody Mary enters the attic.) Bloody Mary: Miss me? Phoebe: Okay, that's Bloody Mary and she was, uh, thrown out of a window. And that axe guy, he was, uh, he was, he was electrocuted. So go tell Billy and... Prue: And see it ---- will stick his finger in a socket, sure. (Prue walks around Bloody Mary and leaves the attic. Bloody Mary walks towards Phoebe and Piper.) Piper: Okay, get her, get her. Phoebe: We have got to do something about that complexion. (Phoebe grabs her and flips her over her head. Phoebe then holds onto a beam above her and kicks Bloody Mary and she crashes through the window. Piper and Phoebe look outside and she disappears.) Piper: One down and one to go. (Suddenly, Prue comes flying through the doorway and lands on the ground.) Phoebe: Prue. Prue: He wasn't real receptive to the plan. (She stands up.) Piper: Does anybody else get tired of cleaning up after these guys? (The axe murderer walks in. Piper sees a bucket of water and pulls it close to her. Prue then sees a heater on. Billy comes in.) Billy: It's okay, (he rolls up his sleeves) the man is here to save the day. (He holds his fists up.) Prue: Billy, it's the 21st century, it's the woman's job to save the day. (Prue uses her power and the heater flies up over to the axe murderer catches it. Phoebe throws the bucket of water on him and electrocutes him. He disappears.) Piper: It's over. Phoebe: Don't ever say that. Every time someone says that in the movies, something always... (The doorbell rings.) [Cut to downstairs. They all cautiously walk through the foyer up to the door. Piper slowly reaches out to grab the door knob.] Morris: It's Darryl. (They all jump. Piper opens the door.) Piper: Hi. (Prue, Phoebe and Billy go in the living room.) Serious face. It's okay, we're too tired for pleasantries. Just tell us. (Morris and Piper walk in the living room. Everyone sits down except for Morris. He looks at Billy confused.) Phoebe: He's okay. Morris: It wasn't just an outbreak at one theatre. I've got stuff going down on multiple locations. And on top of that, I got a series of murders like straight out of the movies. I think we're looking at a copycat. Phoebe: Only there's more than one cat. Prue: How much do you want? Morris: Only what I need. Prue: It's not someone imitating what happens on the screen. It's someone from the screen doing what comes naturally. Phoebe: Killing without scripts. So we, um... so let's just say we rewrote them. Morris: So is it over? Piper: Not even close. We don't know how many more are out there and we have no way of stopping the demon from tampering with the audiences, so... Morris: You used the 'd' word again. Piper: Sorry. (Morris' pager beeps.) Morris: I gotta get back to the station. Call me. Phoebe: Thanks Darryl. (He leaves.) Piper: We have to find this guy before it gets any worse. Prue: Yeah, only we don't know where he is. Billy: I know where he's gonna be tonight. Phoebe: Don't ya just love it when he does that? Billy: The demon didn't just show up at my movie today. He's been there before. Every time we leave for a new city, he goes there too. Piper: You mean he's traveling in print? Phoebe: And tonight's the last night in this city. That's where he's gonna be. Prue: Right, so the midnight show will be his final performance. We can't kill him in our world so we'll have to do it in his. Piper: You mean, go into the movie? Can we even right a spell for that? Phoebe: I could probably whip up a potion or something. Piper: Well, how about two. One to make sure we can get in and one to make sure we can get out. Prue: Phoebe's pharmaceuticals. Phoebe: (to Billy) That means I'm gonna have to leave you there. Billy: So, you'll always know where to find me. Prue: So let's go to the movies. [Scene: Movie theatre. Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Billy walk in. Sally Mae's on the screen. The same guy as before is asleep in the front row.] Sally Mae: Billy, you're back. Just in time. Well, this is the part where we're supposed to be... You brought company. Oh, Billy, how could you? We were going steady. And you... you pinned me. Billy: That's because the writers told me to, Sally Mae. I mean, you're a nice girl and all but... (he looks at Phoebe) Anyway, these people, they're here to help us. Piper: Phoebe, do you have the potion? Phoebe: Mmm hmm. (She hands them little jars of green potion.) Prue: Oh, couldn't you at least of made it look like it tasted good? (Billy and Phoebe take the lids off the jars and clink them together. They drink it and throw the jars behind them. Billy walks in the movie and holds out his hand for Phoebe. Phoebe walks in the movie and looks at herself. She laughs.) Phoebe: Check me out. I'm retro. (Piper drinks her potion.) Piper: Ugh, it tastes like an ass... (Billy gives her a look.) phalt. (Piper goes in the movie. The demon walks on the screen.) Demon: And now for the final climax. (The guy in the seat wakes up and pushes Prue on the floor. He goes to jump on her but she kicks him in the stomach.) Piper: He's under a spell. Prue: Piper, behind you. (Piper turns around and punches the demon in the face.) Deep down I know that you're an innocent so I can't really kill you but I can... (Prue uses her power and throws him across the room.) Sleep tight, film boy. Demon: You're outta your league. In fact, you're outta your world. Didn't anybody ever tell you what happens once the movie ends if you're still in it? No? Well, I'd love to explain it to you but we're out of time. Piper: Prue? Prue: Piper, Phoebe, get out of there quick. (Phoebe and Piper run towards the screen but smack straight into it.) Piper: Oh! Phoebe: Ouch. (The movie starts getting dark.) Piper: Prue, why is it getting dark? Prue, what's going on? ("The End" shows up on the screen.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Movie theatre. Continued from before.] Prue: Where are you? What can I do? (Prue astral projects in the projector room. The projectionist is asleep in his chair. She walks over to the projector.) Where the hell is reverse? (She pushes a button on the wall and the movie rewinds.) Phoebe: Prue? (Prue astral projects back in her body.) Prue: Are you guys okay? Phoebe: Yeah. Piper: Yeah. Prue: Get outta there quick. (Phoebe and Piper drink the other potion and walk out of the screen. They hug Prue.) Demon: That's right. Run away you little witches. These are the mighty Charmed Ones. Ooh, why don't we run in fear. Piper: Prue, I don't know what else we can do. Demon: And you're supposed to be the perky one. You should really try not to be so negative. How does it feel to finally know someone you can't defeat? Prue: I don't know, you tell me. (Prue uses her power and turns to picture head monitor off.) You know, if you leave a subject under the light for too long it burns. (The film starts melting.) Demon: No! (The film melts.) [Scene: Later on in the projector room.] Projectionist: Thanks for waking me up to warn me about the film burning. I could've lost my job. Piper: (to Prue) I guess you learnt something from Finley after all. Prue: Yeah, I guess he did come in handy. You can love the work but not the man. Piper: What if you love them both? [Cut to Phoebe. She's talking to Billy. Billy's in the screen.] Phoebe: I guess it's only fair. I got my first glimpse of romance from watching you on the big screen. Other girls deserve that same view. Thank you for restoring my faith in the male species. Billy: Now all you have to do is hold our for one that's three dimensional. (Billy holds his hand up against the screen. Phoebe does the same. They start walking away and then look back at each other. They walk away.] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper and Leo are cuddled up on the couch.] Piper: You've gotta be kidding, the date was a disaster. Leo: I had a great time. I especially liked the look on your face when the accordion player broke out in that song. (Piper hits him playfully.) Piper: Are you making fun of me? Leo: No. Piper: Yes. (They kiss.) It was our first date, I wanted it to be, I wanted us to be... Leo: A normal couple? Piper: Yes. Leo: Well, you're a witch and I'm a Whitelighter. You know, busy, being called away are probably the only normal things in our lives. Piper: Hmm. (They kiss.) [Cut to the doorway. The door is open slightly and Dan walks in.] Dan: Hello, door's open. [Cut back to the living room. Leo and Piper stop kissing. Dan walks in the foyer.] Dan: Is anybody, uh... (He sees Leo and Piper.) Piper: I, uh... (Dan walks back outside.) No, Dan, wait. (Piper walks in the foyer. She notices he's holding a small box of stuff.) What's this? Dan: This is yours. Some of the things you left over at my house. Piper: Oh. Dan: I kept them around because part of me was hoping that maybe... maybe that you'd come back. After last night I realised that I have to move on too. Piper: Um, thanks. (Prue comes barging through the door.) Prue: Hey. (She sees Dan.) Dan, hi, um, are you... Dan: Just leaving. I, uh... Piper: Yeah. (Dan leaves.) Does it never get any easier? Okay, talk to me of something else. What happened at the magazine? Prue: Oh, I had another run in with Finley. (They walk in the living room. Prue sees Leo.) Hey, you. (They sit down. Phoebe comes in.) Anyway, it all worked out. (Phoebe sits on the same chair as Prue.) Phoebe: Did you get to tell off the demon of crankiness again? Prue: No, once was enough but my editor did love this shot that I chose of him. (She shows them the photo she took when he was on the stairs.) Said that it captured the real man. Speaking of, I will never see another horror movie again but I ran across this and thought... (She gives Phoebe the video of "Kill It Before It Dies".) Phoebe: Prue, oh, Prue. I love it, I love it. I'm gonna go watch it right now. (She runs out of the living room and up the stairs.) Piper: Should we worry? Prue: I-I think she's just saying goodbye. [Cut to Phoebe's room. She's lying on her bed watching the movie. She's miming the words they're saying in the movie.]

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe battle the Demon of Illusion after he brings to life one of Phoebe's favorite movie characters. Realizing what he can do, the demon sends an axe murder after the sisters in an attempt to kill them. What happens as a result is that the sisters and the demon get drawn into a horror movie where a battle of good and evil ensues before they're able to vanquish the demon.

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[Before the teaser there is a montage of scenes from previous episodes.] LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Rory answers her cell phone] RORY: Hey, you. [Lorelai is on the bed in the house] LORELAI: Okay, so weird dream. Weird, weird dream. RORY: Weirder than the one where you step into a boxing ring and your hands are suddenly giant cream puffs? LORELAI: Weirder, scarier. RORY: Let's hear it. LORELAI: Well I was home, and I was finishing up my usual morning routine you know, coffee, shower. And then - picture this, very weird - I take Paul Anka for a walk. RORY: You walk Paul Anka every day. What's weird about that? LORELAI: Not the dog Paul Anka. The real Paul Anka. RORY: Whoa. LORELAI: Yeah. RORY: Was he nice? LORELAI: Very pleasant, natty dresser. Then suddenly, he sees something, a cat or something, and darts right into the middle of the street. RORY: The real Paul Anka? LORELAI: The dog Paul Anka. So I call him and call him, but he completely ignores me and runs right into Doose's Market. RORY: You didn't train him well enough. Too much affection, not enough discipline. LORELAI: I go after him into Doose's, and apparently he's got a job there. RORY: The dog Paul Anka? LORELAI: The real Paul Anka. PAUL ANKA: You picked yourself some beautiful cucumbers, Mrs. Clancey. You have the cucumber eye. LORELAI: So I run out of Doose's, and I'm approaching Luke's apartment, I guess to get help or something, and I'm walking to the door, and I open it, and there's Paul Anka in front of a microphone giving a little concert. RORY: The real Paul Anka. LORELAI: The dog Paul Anka. RORY: Couldn't have been happy, you interrupting his show like that. LORELAI: He didn't notice, so I go down to the diner, and there, lo and behold, is Paul Anka sitting on Babette's lap. RORY: Please don't tell me it was... LORELAI: The real Paul Anka. BABETTE: [stroking Paul Anka] Good boy. Who's a good boy? RORY: This is crazy. LORELAI: Coming to the end. So the real Paul Anka looks outside, and there, sitting in the middle of the street staring at him is dog Paul Anka. RORY: Uh Oh! So real Paul Anka gets up and runs out of Luke's. They're both in the street now, real Paul Anka walking toward dog Paul Anka, dog Paul Anka toward real Paul Anka. You can sense that something very bad is about to happen, when suddenly they meet in the middle of the street, and bam! An otherworldly white light engulfs the whole town, and there's a loud explosion and two barks, and everything goes dark. RORY: And? LORELAI: And then I woke up. RORY: Wow. LORELAI: Yeah RORY: Okay. LORELAI: So I guess I was wondering if you'd heard anything about a small Connecticut town being sucked up into an evil demon vortex or cast into the fourth dimension or anything. RORY: Nope. LORELAI: Real Paul Anka still kicking? RORY: Haven't heard otherwise. Check your hands LORELAI: No cream puffs. RORY: I think you're good to start your day. LORELAI: Thanks, hon. RORY: Anytime. LORELAI: Bye. [Hangs up and looks at the dog Paul Anka] OPENING CREDITS LUKE'S DINER [Morning, busy, Luke and Caesar enter] LUKE: You're gonna do fine. CAESAR: Says you. LUKE: And everybody else. You know the place backwards and forwards, Caesar. CAESAR: You've never been gone this long. LUKE: You're gonna do fine. CAESAR: Stop saying that. It's bad luck. LUKE: Well then you're gonna stink. You're gonna blow up the stove and give everybody salmonella. CAESAR: Why do you say that? LUKE: Because if it's bad luck to say good things, it's good luck to say bad things. CAESAR: You're rooting for me to fail. LUKE: I am not rooting for me to fail, Lorelai, tell him he's gonna do great. LORELAI: And jinx it for him? No way. CAESAR: Thank you. LUKE: You're both nuts. KIRK: I could run the place if you want, Luke. LUKE: Hmm, let me search down to the very depth of my being to see if there's the slightest inclination I would want that. Nope. KIRK: Just checking. LUKE: What's that? LORELAI: Oh I bought it over last night I figured you'd need it for hanging stuff. LUKE: I'm not bringing hanging stuff. LORELAI: Well, you should bring some nice clothes just in case. I threw in some slacks and your black jacket. LUKE: It's a field trip with a bunch of 12-year-olds. I'm not gonna need nicer stuff. LORELAI: Just in case. LUKE: It's 10 days of diners and fast food, nothing requiring slacks or jackets. LORELAI: See, that's what the phrase "just in case" covers, the times you think you've anticipated every possible need. LUKE: Alright, I'll bring it. CAESAR: You know, there was a flash flood in El Salvador last night. LUKE: No, my Salvadoran paper didn't come today. CAESAR: They didn't see it coming. LUKE: That's the flash part of flash flood. CAESAR: So what do I do if I see a flash flood coming strait at the diner? LUKE: Make sure all the customers have settled up. CAESAR: It's all a big joke to you. LORELAI: So you're taking this, huh? [Pointing at the Anna bag] LUKE: The old one's a mess. LORELAI: Hmm. LUKE: You don't think I should? LORELAI: No, it's just you think it's sturdy enough? LUKE: Yeah, I think it should be. LORELAI: Well, it's always best to take something that a gorilla could jump up and down on and not wreck. LUKE: I don't think a gorilla has tested it, but if it busts, I'll just pick up something on the road. LORELAI: That will work. LUKE: All right, I should get going. Anna's stuck at the house until I pick up April. LORELAI: Well, let's get you on the road. LUKE: It's good timing, too. Caesar's in the back. KIRK: Sure you don't want to reconsider my offer? I've got a hairnet on me, so I can start immediately. LUKE: Offer declined. LORELAI: You take that. I'll take this. [Pointing at the Anna bag] LUKE: Perfect. [Luke picks up the hanging bag] LORELAI: [Lorelai is swinging the bad] Oh. Oops. [It hits the edge of the door.] CAESAR: Woo hold up, wait! Wait! LUKE: He's unstoppable. LORELAI: It's cute. CAESAR: We need to confirm the itinerary. LUKE: As we've done 1,000 times? Sure, let's confirm it. CAESAR: Today's the kids' math contest in Newark. In my day, you learned two plus two and you stayed home. Today they go on the road like they're Metallica. LUKE: And then tomorrow night's Philadelphia. [Turning to Lorelai] Did I tell you we're dropping in on Jess? LORELAI: Jess? No. LUKE: Yeah, this place he works. They put out this Zine and books and whatever else. They're having an open house. I'm taking April. It'll give jess a chance to meet his little cousin. LORELAI: [Sounding taken back] Oh, sounds great. So anywhere in the back? LUKE: Anywhere's fine. [Lorelai throws the bag in the truck, Luke gives a weird look.] CAESAR: Hey, day six, if your cell dies, is there a phone in Gettysburg I could reach you at? LUKE: Yeah the one grant used to call Lincoln -- number's in the book. CAESAR: Oh, good. He's a funnyman today. He's Jerry Lewis. LORELAI: Caesar, calm down. You're gonna do great. You're the best cook Luke's ever had. You so make better pancakes than he does. CAESAR: True. LUKE: No he doesn't LORELAI: You just have to be confident. CAESAR: It just when I'm working the grill, sometimes I get a locked elbow. And Luke's the only one who knows how to rub it to get it working. LORELAI: He rubs your elbow? LUKE: It's like a sports injury. It's okay if it's sports. You want to step back about 3 feet so I can say goodbye to my girl? CAESAR: Fine. LUKE: You gonna miss me? LORELAI: Especially if my elbow hurts. LUKE: I'm gonna call you a lot. LORELAI: Same here. LUKE: You know, I was happy when she asked me, but now it just struck me I'm gonna spend 10 days with a bus full of teenagers. LORELAI: I think you're ready. [They kiss] LUKE: Thanks for seeing me off. LORELAI: Your pancakes are better, by the way. LUKE: Thanks. CAESAR: Don't worry, Luke. Just a momentary panic. I'm gonna be fine, I promise. LUKE: Good. Now go back in there and reclaim your turf. CAESAR: Reclaim my turf? KIRK: [Kirk is serving coffee and wearing the hair net.] My name is Kirk, I run the place. CAESAR: Kirk! [Caesar runs inside, Luke and Lorelai share a final wave Luke gets in the truck.] What are you doing Kirk, you don't work here. [The struggle, Lorelai watches on.] KIRK: That's my favorite hair net! [Kirk chases Caesar through the diner.] CAR PARK [People are getting ready to leave on the bus] LUKE: I'm bad with names, so help me with the names. APRIL: You ever use mnemonic devices? LUKE: Uh, maybe. APRIL: They help you remember things. Uh, like Curtis Shuran. He's from Kurdistan. LUKE: Really? APRIL: No, he's from Detroit. That's a mnemonic device. LUKE: Curtis Shuran from Kurdistan. Got it. APRIL: Jamie Alvarado likes to try avocados. Meg Shatsworth, Haywood's Fatsworth. LUKE: Shatsworth, Fatworth. Alvarado, avocado. APRIL: And those are your fellow Grups. LUKE: The what? APRIL: Grown-ups. You never saw the original "star trek"? LUKE: Oh, yes, Grups. Yes, I did. APRIL: The one in the cords is our math teacher, Mr. Munster. Good guy, he's a little nerdy, likes to wow us with his Chris Rock impersonation. It's borderline racist. LUKE: Well, let's leave the bags here, get the lay of the land first. APRIL: Well, this is pretty much the land. LUKE: There must be some kind of check-in point and protocol to follow, so just stick with me. Or you just run on the bus. That's really good. EARL: Hello, there. You our pilot? LUKE: Your what? KELLY: Are you the driver? LUKE: Me? No. I'm Luke Danes. EARL: Oh, you're Luke Danes. Sorry. We thought you were our driver. LUKE: No, no, sorry. I, uh, you know, I have nicer clothes than this. I won't always be wearing these. EARL: That's okay. I'm Earl Stepton. This is Kelly Turlington. You probably know Roy Munster, your daughter's teacher. LUKE: Actually, no. I'm April's new father, I mean, not new, but new to her. So, hey. ROY: She's a bright one. LUKE: Go figure. [They all laugh] APRIL: [From the Bus window] Hey, Luke! Some people in here are wondering who you are. LUKE: Oh, well, go ahead and tell them. APRIL: That's Luke. KELLY: So here's the detailed itinerary. EARL: Lunch stops, snack stops. ROY: Wander time, exploring time. KELLY: TV time. EARL: p0rn will be preblocked at all our lodgings. LUKE: Okay so no p0rn. ROY: Study breaks, check-in with parents. KELLY: Bedtime hours. LUKE: So we go to bed at 9:00? EARL: The kids do. You don't have to. LUKE: Right, but I can? EARL: Sure. LUKE: Okay great. ROY: Shall we get on board so they don't leave without us? LUKE: Well, I still have my bags. KELLY: Okay, see you on the bus. LUKE: Kelly Turlington from Burlington. Arr Roy Munster's a punster. LOGAN'S APARTMENT LORELAI: Hey, you. RORY: Hey. LOGAN: You get in late last night? RORY: I was studying. LOGAN: Hmm. Missed my class this morning. RORY: Bummer. LOGAN: Clock didn't go off. I thought I set it right. RORY: Oh, I reset it. I had to catch up on some sleep. I didn't know you set it for early. LOGAN: Honest mistake. RORY: Maybe we should get a second clock. LOGAN: Might be wise. You gonna be available to grab a bite later? RORY: Maybe. LOGAN: You can't see that far into the future? RORY: It's crazy right now. LOGAN: I'll check in with you later. RORY: We'll see how it goes. [Logan grabs Rory's arm to pull her in close for a kiss] LOGAN: Have a good day. RORY: You too. [Rory leaves] SCHOOL BUS [The kids are singing the elements song, Luke is looking out-of-place] KIDS: There's holmium and helium and hafnium and erbium and phosphorous and francium and fluorine and terbium and manganese and mercury, molybdenum, magnesium dysprosium and scandium and cerium and cesium and lead, praseodymium, platinum, plutonium palladium, promethium, potassium, polonium and tantalum, technetium, titanium, tellurium [Inhale deeply] And cadmium and calcium and chromium and curium there's sulfur, californium and fermium, berkelium and also mendelevium, einsteinium, nobelium and argon, krypton, neon radon, xenon, zinc, and rhodium and chlorine, carbon, cobalt copper, tungsten, tin, and sodium these are the only ones of which the news has come to Harvard and there may be many others but they haven't been discovered. [the applaud them selves] LUKE: What was all that? APRIL: It's all the chemical elements. At least the ones that have come to Harvard. BOY: [OS] 1468... LUKE: Any idea what's going on here? BOY:...14201995611... APRIL: That's frank. MARCIA: Huge show-off. APRIL: Always rubbing our faces in the fact that he knows the first 300 digits of pi. LUKE: Of course APRIL: [To Marcia] Hey, did you bring my sweater? MARCIA: I think so. APRIL: It's important. I need that sweater. FREDDIE: What is it, your lucky sweater? APRIL: No, Freddie. MARCIA: Is Munster gonna wear that creepy lucky tie of his at competition? SUE: Oh, god, I hope not. MARCIA: Supposedly, there's lucky underwear to match. APRIL: Mental image, be gone. MARCIA: I heard he lives with his mother. SUE: I heard he plays the trombone for fun. FREDDIE: He's a liar, too, he says he was a red sox fan, but he didn't even know they traded Damon. LUKE: Really? He didn't know Damon was with the Yankees now? FREDDIE: No. LUKE: You see Steinbrenner made him cut his hair? FREDDIE: Yeah, he looks way less scary. LUKE: Yeah, less intimidating to pitchers. It's gonna shave 20 points off his batting average. Hey, what's that kid's name? APRIL: Freddie. His name is Freddie. LUKE: Freddie, Freddie, apple-brown betty, nice kid. APRIL: Yeah, well, I should study. LUKE: You got it. DRAGONFLY INN LORELAI: Mr. And Mrs. Moore, your horses are saddled and ready. Now, Cletus is very gentle, but they're both sweethearts. Rob is outside to help you get started. MRS MOORE: Thank you. LORELAI: Okay, have fun. Mrs. Kim, hi. MRS KIM: You let women ride horses? LORELAI: Yes. MRS KIM: [Sighs] I have a request. LORELAI: Alright MRS KIM: This is a wedding dress. It's the dress I wore when I married Mr. Kim 28 years ago. LORELAI: Hmm, khaki with a big zipper down the middle. Fashion is a fluctuating thing, huh? Oh, oh, the dress is inside. MRS KIM: Right. I would like Lane to wear it at her wedding. LORELAI: Well how nice. MRS KIM: But it's a tad big. Lane is smaller than me. It might need a hem, and the sleeves should be shortened. LORELAI: Makes sense. MRS KIM: I would like you to alter it for Lane. LORELAI: Well, of course. I would love to. MRS KIM: Lane would like that, too. LORELAI: Anything for her. MRS KIM: Alterations should be minor. Take it in a little here and there, and that should do it. LORELAI: Okay, I'll give lane a call and bring her in for a fitting. MRS KIM: Not necessary, here's her height and arm length -- that's all you need. LORELAI: I'll get right on it. MRS KIM: Thank you. Do they at least ride sidesaddle, the women? LORELAI: Yes, every single one of them. MRS KIM: Good. [she leaves, Lorelai looks at the dress and gasps] YALE NEWS ROOM RORY: Uh, Paris, what's going on here? [Looking at a jar on the desk] PARIS: I just need 10 more minutes. I took a delete-boring-answers pass on my interview with professor Whittington and ended up with a tidy 16-word piece. His wife must want to suck a tail pipe every night. I'm putting stuff back in now. RORY: I meant with the big jar of disgusting insects. Oh. They're fruit flies. I'm finishing an important paper on population genetics, and I have to monitor how often Drosophila Melanogaster do the nasty. RORY: Gross. PARIS: Complain to god, not me. RORY: Well did you have to bring them into the newsroom? PARIS: I can't just leave them home. They could escape and infest my apartment. RORY: Meaning they could escape and infest the newsroom. PARIS: At least no one sleeps in the newsroom, and if they bring food and flies get in the food, they'll learn to follow the "no food in the newsroom" rule. RORY: We don't have that rule. PARIS: We should. RORY: Get them out of here. PARIS: I need 9 minutes. RORY: Paris. PARIS: 8 1/2. Come on you want the interview, I got to keep typing. RORY: Okay, 9 minutes. PARIS: Thanks. LOGAN: Hey, chief, got a minute? RORY: Um, a minute. LOGAN: I'm a little confused about something. RORY: How can I help. LOGAN: I was working on the piece about textbook prices. You assigned it to me a couple of weeks ago. RORY: Ua-hu LOGAN: It wasn't gonna earn me my Pulitzer, but I already put a lot of work into it, and I just checked the server and noticed that a piece on the same topic's been written. RORY: Yes, it has been. LOGAN: Our wires get crossed? RORY: Nope. LOGAN: Who wrote it? RORY: I did. LOGAN: Why? RORY: It's topical. It affects every student. It's an important story I wanted to be sure that it would get done. LOGAN: It wasn't due for two more days. RORY: I didn't think you'd meet the deadline. LOGAN: Based on what? RORY: Based on past performance. LOGAN: Past performance is no indication of future performance. RORY: Wise men call that a sucker's maxim. LOGAN: I did a lot of research on this thing, I interviewed textbook publishers, I interviewed authors. I was gonna get more quotes from students. RORY: I know. I used your research. A lot of it came in handy. LOGAN: Really. RORY: The stuff that I could make sense out of. LOGAN: Good. RORY: Look, you'll get your by-line, if that's what this is about. LOGAN: You know that's not what this is about. RORY: I thought I was doing you a favor. LOGAN: Everyone knew I was assigned that piece, and now they know it's been taken away from me. RORY: Logan, I'm sorry. It's as you said. Our wires got crossed. It happens. Let's move on. LOGAN: Okay, we'll move on. [Picks up Paris's jar] And what's with this? PARIS: Keep walking, whitey. LOGAN: You let fruit flies in the newsroom? PARIS: It's not hurting anybody. LOGAN: It's disgusting. PARIS: I just need five more minutes. RORY: Don't rush, Paris. [To Logan] The fruit flies are not hurting anybody, and Paris is working on something that I'm waiting on. I would prefer it if she weren't interrupted. LOGAN: [Looking at Rory and sounding a little mad] Sorry, Paris. SNACK AND SODA - DINNER LUKE: Alright guys, just remind me, who's allergic to dairy? [He answer] There you go. No mayo. Who's allergic to wheat? [She answer] There you go, Tori, bound for glory. And who's low sodium? [He answer] There you go, apple-brown betty Freddie, no salt. [Luke goes and sits at a table with April, Sue and Marcia] APRIL: Uh, hey. LUKE: Hey. You know, I'm still mad about that math competition. APRIL: Arr, you win some you loose some. LUKE: Those buzzers in the countdown round were rigged. I know they were. The judges were on the take. APRIL: He's called a moderator, actually. LUKE: Yeah, well, whatever they are. I'm lodging a protest. APRIL: Luke, could we talk for a sec? LUKE: Sure. [They get up and move] LUKE: What's up? APRIL: You know Freddie, right? LUKE: Yeah, good kid. APRIL: Well, I-I like him. LUKE: Oh, well, I like him, too. He seems less insane than the others. APRIL: I don't mean like him the way you like him, I hope. LUKE: You've known him longer. APRIL: And I'm a girl. LUKE: I know that. APRIL: And he's a boy. LUKE: I know that, too. [April looks at Luke] Oh! You like him. APRIL: Shh! LUKE: Sorry APRIL: I'm not quite ready to proclaim it to the world yet. LUKE: Are you old enough to like a boy? APRIL: I'm not sure. LUKE: I'll have to look it up in a book to see whether you're supposed to like boys yet or not. APRIL: It's a fact either which way. LUKE: Okay, so what do you want me to do? APRIL: For starters, it would help if you stopped calling him Betty. LUKE: [Laughing a little] Right. APRIL: And you sitting next to me all the time is kind of getting in the way. LUKE: Oh, jeez, I didn't realize. APRIL: I know you're pretty oblivious. LUKE: It seems like Freddie is... APRIL: Don't look at him! LUKE: Sorry. It just seems like you pay less attention to Freddie than any of the other boys. APRIL: That's because I like him. LUKE: You like him, so you ignore him? APRIL: That's the way it works. LUKE: But you're always palling around with Kevin. APRIL: Kevin makes me sick. LUKE: I'm confused. APRIL: You're over thinking this. LUKE: I must be. APRIL: Don't look at him! LUKE: I'm sorry. [Sighs] I-I, shouldn't be sitting next to you, then, huh? APRIL: Maybe not. LUKE: Guess I'll go sit with the parents. APRIL: I think that's a good idea. LUKE: Okay. Well, you want to go back together, or should we stagger it a little? APRIL: Give me a four-second head start. LUKE: You got it. [April leaves, Luke sighs a short while later] LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Rory comes home] LOGAN: [OS] The bottle is dry. COLIN: [OS] You cannot be out of wild turkey. LOGAN: [OS] I've got everything else under the sun. Pick one and stop your nagging. COLIN: You cannot be out of wild turkey. LOGAN: No matter how many times you tell me I'm not out doesn't change the fact that I'm out. FINN: Hands. ROBERT: Jerk. RORY: Hi, everyone. Hey, Rory. Get yourself a drink. Anything but wild turkey. RORY: I'm okay. LOGAN: Yeah forget it. She doesn't drink on school nights. RORY: I sometimes do. COLIN: I'm getting a sense that the woman of the house had no idea we were going to be here. FINN: Okay that we're here, love? LOGAN: Of course it's okay. FINN: Logan I haven't called you love since that sultry night in Bimini. RORY: It's fine that you're here. What's with the maps? COLIN: Graduation is imminent, Rory. So we are planning the ultimate life and death brigade event. FINN: Not only the ultimate, but the penultimate. COLIN: Penultimate means next to last, Finn. This is the last one. FINN: I thought it meant super-ultimate. ROBERT: How did you get into Yale? FINN: Slept with the recruiter. RORY: What's the stunt? COLIN: We're flown on a twin-engine plane to a remote spot in Costa Rica. We don parachutes, base-jump off a cliff whose height is... ROBERT: Exactly 3,624 feet, unless that's a 2. COLIN: We land on the banks of the San Juan river. FINN: Hopefully not in the river. ROBERT: Or on the Nicaraguan side of the river. LORELAI: Or in Panama COLIN: We inflate a raft, white-water three miles down to a meeting point, where a blowout party will take place. ROBERT: It's a 2, gents. I'm pretty sure it's a 2...or an 8. RORY: Where do you get the inflatable raft? LOGAN: One of us will parachute with it in our packs. FINN: Not me I've got the DVD player. COLIN: Not me I've got the champagne and the bong. ROBERT: If I take it, it'll crush the cigars. LOGAN: Stand down, boys. I'll jump with the raft. RORY: You're planning this all very carefully, right? COLIN: Luckily we have a topographical-map expert in our midst. ROBERT: It's a 3. I'm 90% sure. RORY: Why don't you make extra sure you have the right number there Robert? LOGAN: Hey, let the man do his thing. RORY: Well, I would if the man doing his thing weren't drunk and hadn't forgotten to put on his reading glasses. ROBERT: Oh, my god. I'm not wearing my glasses. COLIN: They flew off when you did that impression of the old guy getting shot by Dick Cheney. RORY: Who's flying this twin-engine airplane, and who's supplying the parachutes? I mean, there must be a weight limit to make that jump, right? Do you guys know what the weight limit is? LOGAN: So you came home just to piss on the fun? RORY: No, I came home because I live here. COLIN: You know, guys, maybe we should resume our planning another time. LOGAN: Yeah, I guess maybe we should. ROBERT: I'll never be able to refold these. COLIN: Just grab them and let's go, Robert. FINN: [Holding up his class] Okay if I return this another time? LOGAN: Sure. RORY: Go with them if you want. LOGAN: Is it your life mission to embarrass me at every opportunity you get? RORY: It's Robert, Colin, and Finn, Logan. I've seen them all dance naked with underwear on their heads. There's no embarrassing you in front of them. LOGAN: Well, you embarrassed me tonight. RORY: How, by pointing out that the stunt you're planning doesn't exactly sound safe? LOGAN: It's called the Life and Death Brigade, Rory RORY: Yeah, and you're supposed to try to avoid the death part. LOGAN: This is not your business, and why aren't you at the paper? You're always at the paper at this time of night. RORY: Finished early. LOGAN: How? You delegate a little let people actually write their own articles? RORY: That's old news. LOGAN: It's not old news you knew that would embarrass me, and you didn't care. RORY: Please. LOGAN: Even when we're together, you're someplace else. You leave, and you don't kiss me goodbye. Were at dinner, you're on your cell phone the whole time. You never leave notes anymore about where you're gonna be. So I have no idea where you are. You haven't forgiven me RORY: What are you talking about? LORELAI: For the girls I was with when we were separated. RORY: I said I forgive you. Yeah, you said it, but you haven't, though. You haven't. I'll be at the pub. [Logan leaves] OUTSIDE LUKE'S [Lorelai is walking down the street] LANE: Lorelai! LORELAI: Hi, Lane. LANE: You're in possession. LORELAI: Of what? LANE: Of the wedding dress. LORELAI: Oh, um, yeah. It's safe and sound. I was just starting to dig into it. LANE: Don't dig. Slice, kill, maim, destroy. LORELAI: What? LANE: Sic a mad pack of wolves on it. Douse it with lighter fluid and turn it in to ash. I cannot wear that dress. LORELAI: Yeah, I know. It's a little old-world. LANE: Have you looked at it? LORELAI: Parts of it. LANE: Exactly you can't take it in at once. The eyeball is not capable. LORELAI: Aw, It's not that bad. LANE: It's got pants. LORELAI: [Gasps] No! LANE: You didn't look at it very carefully. LORELAI: Well, I will remove the pants. LANE: Oh, it's every girl's dream to hear the woman altering her wedding dress say, "I'll remove the pants." LORELAI: I'm sure once I alter it a little... LANE: No, don't alter it. Have an accident. Leave a warm iron on it. Spill a vat of acid on it. Run your car over it. LORELAI: Lane, Lane, I haven't even put it on the mannequin yet. Now, let me start work on it, and I will keep you fully posted every step of the way and...[Lorelai see something in the reflection of the window] Oh my God! LANE: What? My mom? LORELAI: No, my mom and dad. I thought I saw something. LANE: Well, focus, focus. Important topic we're discussing here. LORELAI: All right, I got to run. I'll call you later. LANE: Lorelai! [Lorelai goes of to look for her parents] [SCENE_BREAK] [cut to a little bit up the street, Lorelai see Emily and Richard going about the corner.] LANE: I'm not above bribing. LORELAI: Don't sneak up on me like that. LANE: [Waving some $10 notes] It's all about the Hamilton's, baby. LORELAI: You can't pay me to ruin your dress. LANE: Look forget about your parents and concentrate on this. LORELAI: Wait, so you saw them, too? I'm not insane? LANE: They've been walking around town all morning. LORELAI: All morning. Any guess as to why? LANE: Shred the dress, and I'll tell you. LORELAI: Do you really know why? LANE: No. LORELAI: Well, then I'm not gonna ruin the dress. LANE: Well, I did see them talking to Kirk earlier. LORELAI: Kirk? LANE: Yeah, and he was wearing his maroon jacket. LORELAI: His real-estate jacket. This is not good! This is not good! LANE: My life is in your hands. I don't think you're fully comprehending that fact. LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Logan's is packing] LORELAI: I guess I'm going. RORY: Okay. LOGAN: I'll be out of cell phone range for a couple days. RORY: I know. LOGAN: I'll see you. [He leaves] OLD HOUSE [Lorelai busts her way in though the damaged door, the house is a mess] LORELAI: Kirk! Kirk! KIRK: Mask! LORELAI: What? KIRK: Mask. LORELAI: What is this? KIRK: I've done it, Lorelai. I finally landed my first listing. LORELAI: Where are my parents? KIRK: This is the beginning of my rise to the top of the real-estate industry. LORELAI: Where are my parents? KIRK: Do you happen to be in the market for a house? 'Cause this baby's a honey. LORELAI: Something in the corner just moved. KIRK: Just a rat. I'd have told you about them before you bought the place. The law also requires me to inform you that the house has toxic mold, asbestos, methane gas, buckling floors, a crumbling foundation, visible fungus, a collapsed fireplace, [a piece of the ceiling falls and just misses them] ceiling damage, water damage, and it was the recent site of a Wicca convention and a particularly grisly murder/suicide. nothing we can't work with. LORELAI: I'm not in the market. Now, listen, I know my parents are shopping for houses. Lane saw you with them and I need to know where they are right now. KIRK: I'm sorry. That's confidential information. In fact, the fact that I was with them was confidential. So I'm gonna have to ask you to pretend that I haven't already confirmed that I was with them, which I wasn't. LORELAI: [Fluttering] Oh, god, what was that? KIRK: Bat. Don't worry. When you spray for cockroaches, the bats die, too, usually. At the very least, it knocks the wind out of them so they wind up wobbling on the floor, so you can just whack them with a hammer, nothing we can't work with. LORELAI: Kirk, I am your friend, but they are my parents, and I need to find them right now. It's important. KIRK: Well, I shouldn't tell you this, but I know they were looking at two properties on maple drive. They're probably around there right now. Too bad I couldn't get them interested in this property. It has great bones. Literally. There's an Indian burial ground underneath it. LORELAI: Thanks. See ya. [Lorelai leaves in a hurry] KIRK: Don't run. It scares the bat. LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Rory is checking the mail, and finds something she likes, from Jess] STARS HOLLOW STREET [Lorelai is still looking for her parents and spots them] LORELAI: [Gasps] Mom, dad! Wow... EMILY: Lorelai. LORELAI: ... what are you doing here? Hey, did we have something set up? RICHARD: Uh, no. EMILY: No. RICHARD: No. LORELAI: No? Then what's up? RICHARD: Oh Well, we're here to, um... EMILY: Do a little antiquing. LORELAI: Antiquing RICHARD: Right, antiquing. EMILY: We're hitting Litchfield, Woodbridge, Washington depot. LORELAI: Well, we have some great antique stores right here in little old stars hollow. RICHARD: That's what brings us. LORELAI: So you've been to Madison house? EMILY: Where? LORELAI: Madison house, Oh, amazing stuff, lots of colonial. It's not in my price range, but I love to browse around. I'll take you there right now. RICHARD: Oh, uh, I don't know if now is a good time. EMILY: Err we have an appointment to keep. LORELAI: An appointment huh, I thought you were just walking around shopping. EMILY: We are. We made an appointment at an appointments-only antique shop. LORELAI: We have those here? RICHARD: Well obviously we do because we have an appointment at 1:00. LORELAI: Well, I'll go with you. RICHARD: They're only expecting two of us. LORELAI: Wee they can squeeze in one more. Huh, promise I won't break anything. Come on, take me there. EMILY: It's actually not for a while, so we can't take you there now. LORELAI: Perfect, then we'll hit Madison house first. It's just a 10-minute walk. Come on. RICHARD: All right. Lead the way. LORELAI: Cool you know I'd say let's drive, but our streets, forget about it. EMILY: What about the streets? LORELAI: Oh, they're clogged night and day. Yep, total gridlock. It's not gonna help when they build that big box store. EMILY: They're building a box store? LORELAI: Oh, yeah, right in the center of town. RICHARD: Those things are hideous. LORELAI: Yeah, it's gonna wipe out all our local businesses. This place will be a ghost town. Ooh, hold your breath. Oh, god, sorry. Sewer problems. RICHARD: Your public-works department needs to be notified. LORELAI: No, they're on strike. Well, they're always on strike. [Coughs] Excuse me. EMILY: Allergies? LORELAI: Meth lab. [Richard and Emily look at each other concerned] TRUNCHEON BOOKS MATTHEW: We need our own bar. JESS: You say it like I'm fighting. I'm not fighting you. CHRIS: Same here. MATTHEW: We need a public place where the next De Kooning can run into the next Franz Kline and dis the next Jackson Pollock while the next Charlie Parker shoots up in the corner. JESS: So a nice family place. MATTHEW: I'm not kidding. We'll call it "Cedar Bar Redux." JESS: I would kick my own ass if we called it that. CHRIS: Why don't we call it "Devoid of Original Ideas Poseur Bar"? JESS: [Laughs] MATTHEW: Go to hell, both of you. JESS: Hey, come back for a hug, man. CHRIS: Hey, there's Alicia Matheson from the weekly. JESS: Whoa. Grab Matthew. Get him off the bar thing. Have him show her around. That's what he does best. CHRIS: Cedar bar redux. JESS: Yeah. [Chris walks off, then see someone] So my eyes don't deceive me. LUKE: First thing's first. What the hell is that? JESS: It's an abstract painting. LUKE: But what is it supposed to be? JESS: Check the title. LUKE: I did. It's called "untitled." JESS: There you go. LUKE: I give up. JESS: So you got the invite. LUKE: I got the invite. JESS: I guess I didn't think you'd come. LUKE: You guessed wrong, nephew. JESS: Cool. So you want the tour? LUKE: Give me a tour. JESS: All right, well, this is where we work, truncheon books. There's usually desks and crap piled up everywhere, but we cleaned up for today. Those are the books that we put out. We publish our Zine once a month, except last august, when my partner forgot to pay the printer. We let local artists hang their stuff up without ripping them off on commissions. We do performances over there, and a few of us live upstairs. That you don't want to see. It's a disaster zone. LUKE: This is yours, right? JESS: Yeah. LUKE: I wanted to get it, but I couldn't find it. JESS: Yeah, it's not exactly "the Da Vinci code." LUKE: Well, I will definitely get it today. By the way, that is your cousin. JESS: Right, Liz filled me in on all that, daddy. LUKE: She just calls me Luke. Total brain. JESS: You confirm paternity? LUKE: Don't be a wiseass. Hey, April. I want you to meet somebody. Meet your cousin Jess. He's my sister's kid. APRIL: Hi. JESS: Hey. APRIL: Men in this family aren't chatty. JESS: Sorry. APRIL: I'm gonna go explore a little more. LUKE: Cool. JESS: How are you adjusting to all that? LUKE: Okay, I guess. I like her, and she just sort of tolerates me. JESS: Seems like it. LUKE: Thanks for the perspective. JESS: That's why I'm here. Hey, come on. I got some sculpture over here you're really gonna hate. STARS HOLLOW [Lorelai followed by Emily and Richard are walking down the street.] LORELAI: Ooh, that garbage smell. EMILY: What garbage smell? RICHARD: I don't smell garbage. LORELAI: Yeah, the wind shifted right after I said it. Allowing a landfill within a mile of city limits, crazy. RICHARD: It's within a mile? LORELAI: Yeah, destroying everyone's land values. Oh, well. Where did you park? RICHARD: Over on Peach Street. LORELAI: Oh, you mean carjack lane. EMILY: Carjack lane? LORELAI: Better than chop shop alley. Here, follow me. Oh, god, watch out for the pothole. [jumps over very small hole in the street] Ooh, I tell you. The roads are just the things in between potholes, huh? EMILY: Oh, dear. RICHARD: You should talk to your mayor about all these issues, Lorelai. LORELAI: You mean Gropey McGee? I cannot, will not ever put myself in that position again! Mind if we stop by the store? [Emily and Richard look worried] [Cur to inside the Doose's Market] LORELAI: Well, I'm running low on a lot of basics, and I just want to see if they got them in. EMILY: This is a cute little store. LORELAI: Well, if you can be cute and unclean at the same time. All right, let's see. No. No. No. Nope, and this is the only store in town. EMILY: What are you looking for? LORELAI: What am I looking for? Everything. They have nothing. The little they have is off-brands, which wouldn't be so galling, except everything's so far past its expiration date. Hey, help yourself to some little George's chips. Yum, yum. Little George -- pass. Oh, and look. Here we have some Aunt Molly's ice cream. You'll notice there's no picture of Aunt Molly on the carton. I Googled her and got a mug shot, and all I could think was, "I hope she hasn't been selling that stuff to kids." TAYLOR: Excuse me. Lorelai, what are you doing? LORELAI: Shopping, Taylor. Why? TAYLOR: You're walking around disparaging my store, and not only is that insulting, it's against the law. LORELAI: Against the law? TAYLOR: Code 14/b/14 triple backslash x-8 state that a citizen of stars hollow cannot denigrate stars hollow while standing on stars hollow soil. It was established in 1792. The original penalty was death by 40 muskets. LORELAI: Really, Taylor, you misheard me. TAYLOR: You made a crude joke about Aunt Molly. LORELAI: Well, you got to admit, Aunt Molly had it coming. TAYLOR: I don't joke about Aunt Molly. LORELAI: [To Emily and Richard] Can you say BTK? TAYLOR: As town mayor, I could cite you on the spot. RICHARD: This is Gropey McGee? LORELAI: Sh-sh... [Tries to stop Richard] TAYLOR: I beg your pardon. EMILY: Oh, look at the time. Excuse me all, will you? LORELAI: Mom, where you going? EMILY: I'm just going to get something out of the car. LORELAI: No, mom. Mom, you don't know the safe streets. You walk down the wrong one, you die. [Looks at Taylor] Commence writing me up, Taylor. TRUNCHEON BOOKS POET: Benzedrine and a muscled fist, turn to hand, turn to handout, turned fish and loaves and a lazy day in Galilee. Herman Melville, poet, customs officer, rubber stamps, and Hawthorne daydreams craving Tahiti and simple sun and the light of the Berkshires. LUKE: Is this any good? APRIL: Mmm. MATTHEW: I don't know what she's gonna write. JESS: We're not supposed to know what she's gonna write. She's a member of the independent press. MATTHEW: She played it close to the vest. You know, I hate that. JESS: Go get a beer. Stop obsessing. [see someone walk in] Well, isn't this a day of surprises? RORY: I didn't RSVP. Sorry. JESS: Ah, this isn't an RSVP type thing. Showing up's cool. RORY: Good thing. So this is Tuncheon Books? JESS: Yeah. This is Truncheon. RORY: I like it. It makes me feel like I instantly want to create something. Give me a pen. Give me a brush. [surprised] Luke. JESS: Yeah, there's a definite "Jess Mariano, this is your life" vibe here today. JESS: Hey, Luke. LUKE: Bicycle? JESS: No. LUKE: Rory, hi. What are you doing here? RORY: Same thing your doing here. APRIL: Your books are really easy to skim. JESS: That'll make a nice blurb. LUKE: I was gonna take off, actually. JESS: Uh, I got to get something. Don't leave till I get back. I'll just be a minute. LUKE: Okay. APRIL: [To Rory] You have a great face. RORY: Thanks. So do you. LUKE: Yeah, uh, Rory, this is April. RORY: Oh, April. Hello there, April. APRIL: Hi. RORY: [To Luke] The famous April. APRIL: I'm famous? RORY: Kind of. LUKE: Uh, April, Rory's an old friend. APRIL: She doesn't look old. LUKE: I mean, I've known her well since she was your age. She's from stars hollow. She's actually the daughter of the woman I'm with, my fianc e, Lorelai. You met her that one time. It's kind of complicated. APRIL: I'll say. LUKE: You probably want to get back to that boyfriend of yours. APRIL: He's not my boyfriend. Jeez. [Rolls her eyes[ JESS: [To Luke Quietly] Hay come here. Here. [Hands Luke a copy of his book] LUKE: Oh, let me, let me buy this. That way, you would get the money. JESS: Ah, it's okay. LUKE: What's this? JESS: It's what's owed. LUKE: You owe me nothing. JESS: I owe you. Take it. If you rip it up, I'm just gonna send another. LUKE: [Sighs] I'm very proud of you, of this, of what you're going for here. I don't get all of it, but I'm me. JESS: Thanks. [They hug] APRIL: [To Rory] All I said was that I liked him. I realized it was a mistake as soon as I said it. LUKE: We should get going. APRIL: Nice meeting you. RORY: Nice meeting you, too. Good luck with everything. LUKE: [To Jess] Good Luke with this, congratulations. JESS: Okay thanks. [To April] See ya. APRIL: Bye. JESS: [Chuckles] So you here alone? RORY: I guess. JESS: Cool...Come on. LUKE'S DINER LORELAI: Oh, well, we'll be lucky to get a table. Huh, there's absolutely nowhere else to eat in town, and even being Luke's fianc e doesn't guarantee me a meal when I want one. CAESAR: Oh, great, more customers. RICHARD: Well, there seem to be a few tables available. LORELAI: None of the good ones, unfortunately. All right, you phoned mom, you told her to meet us here. What, is she late? RICHARD: No, she's right there. LORELAI: Oh, all right. What is wrong with this picture? [Emily is at a table with at little girl] RICHARD: They're playing cards. LORELAI: I can see that be who is that she's playing with? RICHARD: I have no idea. Do they have ham here? LORELAI: Ham? Sure. RICHARD: Get me a ham and Swiss on rye, dry, nothing on it. LORELAI: Where are you going? RICHARD: I'll be back in a bit. LORELAI: Dad, wa-- dad. EMILY: Do you have any 8s? GIRL: Go fish. EMILY: Oh, you. I was sure you had 8s. Hi, Lorelai. LORELAI: Hi, mom. What you doing? EMILY: Oh, Sissy and I are playing go fish. She's good, too. It's your turn. SISSY: Do you have any jacks? EMILY: Unbelievable. She's won three games in a row. She's a little champ. SISSY: I keep getting lucky. EMILY: It's not luck. You said she was smart, but this is something else. You get to go again. LORELAI: Oh my God, Mom. SISSY: Do you have any 3s? EMILY: Nope. Go fish. LORELAI: Mom, who do you think this is? EMILY: Luke's daughter. [Lorelai sighs] Isn't it? LORELAI: No. EMILY: You're not Luke's daughter? SISSY: Unh-unh. EMILY: I don't believe this. This isn't Luke's daughter? LORELAI: It's definitely not Luke's daughter. EMILY: And here I was bonding with it. Who is this? Who are you? SISSY: Umm... LORELAI: Never mind, honey. Do you live close by? SISSY: Two blocks. LORELAI: Okay, why don't you go home where it's safe? SISSY: Okay. EMILY: You're telling me I played this insipid game for a half an hour and it's not even Luke's daughter? LORELAI: What made you think it was Luke's daughter? EMILY: Well, it told me it was someone's daughter here. LORELAI: Well, she must have meant someone in town. EMILY: Then she's a moron. Why would I play cards if there wasn't a family connection? LORELAI: I guess she just thought you were being nice. EMILY: The little idiot kept tipping her cards so I could see them. So I pretended I didn't and specifically asked for what I knew she didn't have. The kid's a moron. LORELAI: Okay, mom. She's gone now. EMILY: Is it so stupid to think that she's Luke's daughter? She looks like Luke. LORELAI: Mom, you can trust me that there will be no contact between you and Luke's daughter anytime soon. EMILY: What does that mean? LORELAI: It means that I don't even see her. Luke and I have an arrangement. EMILY: What kind of arrangement? LORELAI: Well, he, I mean, you know, we mutually decided that I probably shouldn't have any contact with her. EMILY: What? That's ridiculous. LORELAI: No, it is what it is. It's what we want. EMILY: Lorelai, you and Luke are in a relationship. You're going to be husband and wife, and sissy's his daughter. LORELAI: No, no. That was sissy. April is his daughter. EMILY: You know what I mean. You have to have a relationship with this girl. It's imperative. LORELAI: Mom, you don't know the whole story. EMILY: But I know your handiwork when I see it, playing cautious when you should be diving in. That girl is his blood relation, and you need to get to know her. You'll be in her life for the rest of your life. LORELAI: Mom, it isn't just me. EMILY: I can't believe Luke is letting you get away with this. The sooner you embrace your role in this girl's life, the better off you'll be, mark my words. Where's your father? LORELAI: He ran off to something. EMILY: That's right we had another appointment. I'll find him. Then we have to leave. He needs to get back to work. LORELAI: All right, goodbye, mom. EMILY: Goodbye. [To Caesar] You. You could have told me that wasn't Luke's daughter. CAESAR: I hate customers. [Lorelai if left thinking about what her Emily said.] TRUNCHEON BOOKS CHRIS: All I'm saying is, control your poet. MATTHEW: So suddenly he's my poet. JESS: He changed up on us. He wasn't supposed to premiere new material tonight. MATTHEW: It wasn't bad. CHRIS: It was rambling. MATTHEW: It was a little rambling. CHRIS: And what was that whole part about desiring Golda Meir? JESS: Please tell me that was symbolic. MATTHEW: I'll talk to my poet. CHRIS: Hey, we're hitting that bar that we're not going to call "Cedar Bar Redux." You coming? JESS: Yeah, maybe. You know, go on ahead. I'll catch up. [Goes over to Rory.] You know, you don't have to read it again. RORY: I know I don't. JESS: God, there are so many things I would change in it. RORY: Like what? JESS: I'd keep the back cover. Everything else goes. RORY: You know why I love your book? JESS: Why? RORY: It doesn't remind me of anything. It's not a rip-off. It's just you. JESS: High praise, miss Yale editor. RORY: Yeah, well, I don't get to write as much as I would like, I, mostly assigning and motivating, hand-holding, and rewriting. JESS: Yeah, and you love it, every minute of it. Come on, tell me you don't. RORY: I do. I do love it. It's exciting. JESS: Yeah, you look happier than when I saw you last. RORY: I am. JESS: So you fixed everything? RORY: Yeah, everything's fixed. JESS: I'm glad you're here. RORY: Yeah, me too. {Jess leans in and they kiss, Rory pulls away] JESS: What? RORY: I'm sorry. JESS: About what? RORY: Uh, about coming here like this. I just got the flier, and I don't know. I just wanted to see your place, but then this... it's not fair to you. I'm such a jerk. JESS: I don't know what you're talking about. RORY: And I couldn't even cheat on him the way he cheated on me. JESS: Who? Who cheated on y...that guy? [Sighs] You're still with him. RORY: Yeah. JESS: I thought everything was fixed. RORY: Everything but him. JESS: I hate this. RORY: You should. I'm sorry. JESS: You came here alone, to Philadelphia. RORY: He was out of town. JESS: I don't deserve this, Rory. RORY: No, you don't. You don't deserve it. I just... I'm in love with him. Despite all the bad he's done, I can't help it. I'm in love with him. JESS: Love, huh? RORY: Yeah. JESS: I guess I'll call Matthew's poet and have him explain love to me. Poets know all about it, right? RORY: They're supposed to. RORY: Well, I, I guess I better go. JESS: Okay. RORY: I'm so sorry that I came here. JESS: I'm not. It's what it is, you, me. Where did you park? RORY: Um, I'm right outside. JESS: Hey, if, uh, if it makes you feel better, you can always tell him that we did something. RORY: Thanks, jess. [Rory leaves.] SCHOOL BUS [Luke is sitting up front with the other adults and looks out of place] KELLY: You know what I though, I thought an apple stop would be fun today. ROY: Oh, great idea. EARL: The banana stop was a big hit yesterday. I don't see how an apple stop could fail. LUKE: Yeah, they loved the banana stop. KELLY: So I have pamphlets for the kids to read about Amish country. Should we hand them out now? ROY: I think that's a good idea. LUKE: Oh I'll do it, I've got something for April here, so I was about to sneak back there anyway. KELLY: Thank you, Luke. LUKE: [Luke goes to the kids] Hey, everybody. Sorry to interrupt. I got some pamphlets here, a little info on Amish country. It's got some pictures, but we're gonna see it, so you don't have to look at the pictures. It's got stuff to read, too. So go ahead and pass the rest around there. [To April] I thought you might need your sweater... Okay, then... See ya. APRIL: My dad's ridiculously overprotective. MARCIA: Ridiculously. LORELAI'S HOUSE - BED ROOM [Lorelai is looking at Lane's dress on the mannequin. The Spark's song "Angst In My Pants" is playing] LYRICS: I hope it doesn't show, it'll go away, it's just a passing phase, it'll go away, I hope it doesn't show, it'll go away, give it a hundred years, it won't go away, and I've got angst, in my pants. [Lorelai walks around the dress, lifts it to see the pants, then tips the coffee on it and smiles]

Although Rory and Logan are back together, Logan is miserable knowing that Rory hasn't really forgiven him, and he takes off with his friends for another stunt with the Life and Death Brigade. Rory accepts Jess's invitation to attend an open house at his new book store/art gallery/publishing house in Philadelphia. While there, she is surprised to run into Luke, who is accompanying his daughter April on an academic field trip. Back in Stars Hollow, Lorelai is horrified to find that Richard and Emily have been looking at real estate in her town. (Last appearance of Milo Ventimiglia .)

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fd_The_Office_04x07-08_0

Michael: Coat! [throws coat at Pam] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Michael just rented The Devil Wears Prada. He has his NetFlix sent here to the office, and he watches them in pieces when things are slow. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Steak! Where's my steeaaak? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: He's a big Meryl Streep fan, so I shouldn't be surprised that he's identified with her character. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Get me Armani. Pam: A suit? Michael: On the phone. Pam: Like the main company number? Because I'm gonna have to call information. Michael: Where's Armani? He's on the phone. Too slow. You are not going to Paris. I'm so much better than you are. [breaks into laughter] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I owe you an apology. Pam: You finished the movie. Michael: Yeah. It was awesome. Big surprise ending. Won't ruin it for you. Pam: No. Go ahead. Michael: Meryl Streep is the bad guy. Never see it coming. Anyways, if I was mean in any way to you, I am sorry. I just want what's best for you, Mo Chuisle. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Mo Chuisle. He's watching Million Dollar Baby... He's gonna try to kill me. [SCENE_BREAK] Micahel: So this one goes with my eyes and this one goes with your eyes. People have said I have very pretty eyes. Jan: You do. Michael: I haven't heard the same about you. So let's just go with mine. Jan: Well, they both go with the carpet I've ordered, and if you go with the brown leather on the sofas, then they go with that too. Michael: We already have a sofa. So why do--- Jan: A futon's not a sofa. Michael: It... folds up. You've only seen it flat. Jan: I know what a futon is, Michael. Michael: I--- Ok. How much is this going to cost? Jan: It costs what it costs. Michae: No--- don't... that doesn't even mean anything. Jan: We have gone through this. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Yes. Money has been a little tight lately. But, at the end of my life, when I'm sitting on my yacht, am I gonna be thinking about how much money I have? No. I'm going to be thinking about how many friends I have, and my children, and my comedy albums. I mean, I have a yacht, so I obviously did pretty well money wise. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: It's just that you say it's gonna cost what it costs--- [phone rings] Pam: [on the phone] Michael, it's Ryan for you. Jan: Conniving little runt. Put him through. Michael: Put him through. Yes. Ryan, my man! Ryan: [on the phone] I sent you an email about the new Powerpoint. Michael: Yes, and thank you for sending that to me. Ryan: I had IT install the updated Powerpoint on the computer so you can use it for the presentation. I really want people there using Powerpoint. Michael: Okay, yeah, I dunno. I dunno, I think those IT guys messed up. Ryan: Hold on, I'll get them on the phone. Michael: [looking at nothing] Wait, oh, no, here it is, here it is. Found it. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [talking on phone] Sure, I can hold. Dwight: [picks up phone] Dunder Mifflin, Dwight Schrute. Please hold. [opens book, then picks up phone] Schrute Farms, guten tag. How can I help you? Yes, we have availability on those nights. How many in your party? Oh no, I'm sorry, no king beds. No queen either. Well, we make our own mattresses that don't conform to the traditional sizes. Closest would be twin. Thank you so much for calling. Call back again. Aufedersein! Jim: Hey Dwight. Dwight: None of your business, Jim. Jim: Do you run the bed and breakfest? Dwight: It is not a B and B. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Agrotourism is a lot more than a bed and breakfest. It consists of tourists coming to a farm, showing them around, giving them a bed, giving them brekafest. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Does the Department of Health know about this? Dwight: I'm not telling you anything. [lookings into the camera] Permits are pending. [phone rings] Dwight Schrute, Dunder Mifflin. Pam: Hello, I'm looking for a room. Dwight: Okay, this is a mis-use of company phones. Pam: It says here you cater to the eldery. Dwight: Where did you read that? Pam: Trip Advsior. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Trip Advisor is the life blood of the Agrotourism industry. A couple of bad reviews there, you might as well close up shop. That's what took down the Stalk Inn. One of the cutest little asparagus farms you'll ever see. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: How many in your party? Pam: Two? Dwight: We offer tours of the fields, and of the barn. Uh, perhaps you'll be interested in, um, Mose's table making demonstration? [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: So, um, I forgot to tell you that I need the car tonight. Michael: Oh! Um, actually, I need the car. Jan: Why? Improv? Why don't you just pretend you have a car? Good practice, incase you ever do a scene where you need to pretend you have a car? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Use to have two cars, traded 'em in, now we're down to one. Good economic sense. Although the new car is a Porsche. For her. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: One cardigan, one sleeping cardigan and one sleep apnea mask. Angela: What about my cherub figurine? Dwight: You took that with you. Angela: No I left it on my night table--- your night table, by the lamp. Dwight: You are incorrect. I was recently scrubbing my room of memories, and I didn't see it there. Angela: Fine. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: My girlfriend and I broke up recently. And I must say, I am relieved. Gives me a chance to sow my wild oats. In the Schrute family, we have a tradition, where when the male has s*x with another woman, he is rewarded with a bag of wild oats left on his door step by his parents. You can use these oats to make oatmeal, bread, whatever you want. I don't care, they're your oats. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: The bar uses an applause meter. That is why it's so important that you all come and applaud only for my band. Scrantonicity 2. NOT Scrantonicity, which I am no longer a part of. Michael, can I count on you? Michael: You can not, I have a thing tonight. Kevin: Dammit. Jim: Uh, Michael. Michael: What? Jim: That reminds me, uh, if the invitation still stands, Pam and I would love to have dinner tonight. Michael: Oh no, I have a thing tonight. Jim: Darn it! Pam: Shoot! Michael: How about this weekend? Jim: No, can't. Pam: We only had tonight free, and we really wanted to spend it with you. Michael: Dammit to hell. I-I-ugh, ok. All right. Jim: Where are you going out tonight? Michael: You wouldn't understand. It's a secret. Jim: I wouldn't understand or a secret? Pam: You wouldn't understand, Jim. It's a secret. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I'm sorry Mr. O'Brian, I didn't mean to interrupt your dinner. I just have a very exciting offer. My records indicate that you have expressed interest in losing some weight. Well, what if I told you that I have a pill that will make you 50 pounds lighter in 5 minutes? How does that sound? Amazing right? Well, it won't be that fast, but it will--[notices camera]-- it will be that easy. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I can't believe this place is real. I mean, I've heard about his beet farm for years, but wow. Pam: The Beets Motel. Jim: The Beets Motel? That is, wow. Pam: Thank you. Eh. The Embassy Beets. Radishon! Jim: How are you doing this? Pam: I don't know! [Mose starts running by the left side of the car] Pam: Oh my gosh. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I just love sales. I love it to death. It's as simple as that. And I don't get to do it enough as a manager, so I took this second job. I count it as a hobby. Some people have golf, or relaxing. Nick: What's going on here? Michael: Hey, I just got off the phone, and I was gonna make another call. Nick: We're a legit operation with a license from the city I can show you. We pay minimum wage against commision--- Michael: No, they're with me, so... this is Nick Figaro, manager to the stars! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: We have three rooms, each with a different theme. Pam: What are the themes? Dwight: American, Irrigation, and Night-Time. Pam: Irrigation. Jim: Nice. Dwight: I'll put you down for Irrigation. Well then, do you have any special needs or diertary restrictions? Jim: Yes. We will be requiring a bed time story. Dwight: No. Jim: Not even Harry Potter? Dwight: No. Jim, come on. Mose: But you promised. Dwight: Mose, bags! Now! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Here we are, the Irrigation Room! A very special room. So I'll come get you before the table-making demonstration. And as of this morning, we are completely wireless here in Schrute Farms. But as soon as I find out where Mose hid all the wires, we'll get that power back on. All righty. [SCENE_BREAK] Nick: Everybody in the conference room. In 5 minutes. Michael: These meetings are useless. [SCENE_BREAK] Nick: I just want to remind you to stick to the script. Improving the work. So, make the call, say the lines, make the sale. Got it? Michael: Very inspirational. [laughter] Nick: We're offering a $50 bonus tonight to the guy with the most sales. Ok. Co-Worker 1: Or a woman. Michael: Or a trained seal. [laughter] Nick: You could make jokes when you've made a sale there rookie, ok? [laughter ends] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hmmm, I'd say 1 in 6. Pam: What? Jim: Oh, I thought you asked me what our chances were in being murdered here tonight. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: You know, I've just realized, this is Pam's and my first night away together. I use to play it over my head, and it was just a little bit different. Maybe a uh, nice hotel. Or a romantic dinner. Wine... uh but, wine that wasn't made out of beets. Didn't think Dwight would be involved at all. And uh, I always imagined less manure. I mean, some manure, just... less. Dwight: Mose, what are you doing? No Mose! Put the--- Put the manure down! Put it down! Do not throw it! DO NOT THROW IT! Ow! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Yes, is Mr. Hudson there? Stanely: [on the phone] Yes, who is this? Michael: I'm just calling because you responded positively to the--- Stanely: Michael? Michael: ...Stanley? Stanley: Why are you calling me here at home? Michael: [Spanish accent] Senor, are you happy with your--- Stanley: Michael, I know that's you. Why are you calling me here at home? Michael: [speaking with a different voice] Have you--- Have you considered satellite television? Stanley: Michael, I know that's you. I know your voice. Why are you calling me here at home? [Michael hands up] [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: [on the phone] When I'm at home at night in my own house in my sweats drinking some red wine watching my mystery stories, the last thing in the whole God forsaken world I want to hear is the voice of Michael Scott. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Well your son sounds like he's really motivated. I think it's crazy the coach won't play him frankly. Nick: [hangs up phone] My office. Michael: You bet. [SCENE_BREAK] Nick: Just dial the number on the sheet and stick to the script. Say those words exactly, got it? I don't know why we have to keep on having this conversation. Michael: Look, I know sales, and I had that sale, I just needed a few more minutes--- Nick: A few more minutes is a waste of our time. Michael: It is not a waste of our time. Nick: This is a trading game. Micael: No. Nick: You give a quick pitch. You make the sale. You move on. That's how Vikram does it. Michael: Vikram doesn't have my people skills. Nick: Good for Vikram, because he out-sells you every night. Michael: Well, I hope this conversation has helped. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [reading to Jim, Pam, and Mose] And Harry saw the white hand raise its wand, and felt Voldemort's surge of vicious anger. Saw the frail old man on the floor write in agony. "Harry?" It was over quickly as it had come. Harry stood shaking in the darkness, clutching the gate in the garden, his heart racing. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: What did you get tonight? Vikram: Oh it looks like mixed masala, eggplant, and rice. Michael: Oh, that looks good. Vikram: Oh, and what about you? Peanut butter flavor again? Michael: I am going with the vanilla crisp this evening. Vikram: Enjoy. Michael: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Vikram: I was a surgeon back home. Michael: Really? Vikram: Oh yeah. Michael: Wonder what I would've been back home? Vikram: Well this is your home. Michael: I know, but it's competitive here. What's a dollar worth in your land? Medical school must cost like 40 bucks or a donkey or something. Vikram: Uhh, no. Michael: I would've been chief of surgery... Or a cowboy. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Jim and Pam hear noise] Wait, you're going up there? Pam: Yeah. Coward. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [Pam sees Mose in an outhouse] Oh my God. What century is this? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You know what, here's the thing about Die Hard 4. Die Hard one, the original, John McClane was just this normal guy. You know, he's just a normal New York City cop, who gets his feet cut, and gets beat up. But he's an everyday guy. In Die Hard 4, he is jumping a motorcycle into a helicopter. In air. You know? He's invincible. It just sort of lost what Die Hard was. It's not Terminator. Co-Worker 2: Dude, you should review movies. [other co-workers agree] Michael: I actually wrote a movie. Co-Worker 3: Really? Michael: I'm writing one, yeah. Co-Worker 3: What's it about? Michael: Um, sort of a spy, thriller... Nick: What's so captivating? [everyone stops talking, go back to work] I like captivating things. And this must be really captivating because it's keeping you off the phones. I mean time is your money, that's how I know how captivating it is. Because how much time you spend talking. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [Pam and Jim hear Dwight crying] Ugh, your turn. Dwight: [Jim knocks on Dwight's door, crying stops] Come in. Did you have another nightmare? Jim: Hey Dwight. Dwight: Oh, Jim. I thought you were Mose. Jim: Does Mose have nightmares? Jim: Oh yes. Ever since the storm. Dwight: Is everything satisfactory with your stay? Jim: Yeah, yeah. Dwight: Great. Jim: Just thought that I heard crying, moaning, or something in here. Dwight: Oh. Well I'll look into that in the morning. Thank you for bringing that to the attention of the staff. Jim: Good night, Dwight. [Jim leaves, Dwight continues crying] [SCENE_BREAK] Co-Worker 2: Yeah, so we're all gonna go out for a beer. Do you wanna come? Co-Worker 3: We'd love for you to come, Michael. Michael: Thanks, no, I have work tomorrow morning. Co-Worker 2: All right, next time dude. Michael: Okay, see you guys. [Sees Jan] Hey, how you doin'? Jan: You drive, I had too much wine. Michael: Okay. How's yoga? Jan: I didn't go. Michael: Wh-Why not? Jan: I just didn't! Michael: Okay. Jan: How was improv? Michael: Good night Vikram. Vikram: Good night. Michael: Hey, congrats on the bonus. Vikram: Thank you Michael. Michael: I'm gonna have it one of these nights. Vikram: Well if you concentrate and make your calls faster, yeah. Michael: Good night. Vikram: Good night. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Michael. Morning. Hey Dwight, how are you? Dwight: Pam. Jim: You okay? Dwight: I am better than you have ever been or ever will be. [Ryan walks in] Ryan: Hey guys! What's happening? How's my favorite branch doin'? [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Okay, Michael, why dont you start us off? Michael: Um... that wasn't much of an introduction. Ryan: Ladies and gentlemen, your boss, Michael Scott. Michael: Ahh, still lame. Okay. All right. Thank you, Ryan, for that wonderful introduction. Okay, um, today we're gonna be talking... about...PowerPoint! PowerPoint! PowerPoint! PowerPoint! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Yes I forgot about Ryan's presentation. And yes, it would have been nice to do well with the first presentation he had given me. But you know what else would have been nice? Winning the lottery. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: And the best way to start is to hit start. And up comes the toolbar, that's what she said. What we have to do here is go to Run, and then you look up to PowerPoint. And we are in. We are going to register. You hit register--- Updates are ready. I should update. Um, estimated time 12 minutes, so this should take 5 or 10 minutes. Ryan: Is this the first time you ever opened PowerPoint? Michael: Why? Ryan: You didn't prepare a presentation at all, did you? Michael: No, I had a really rough night, and my boss can back you up on that. Ryan: I'm your boss. Michael: My other boss, Mr. Figaro. Ryan: You have another job? Michael: What I do between 5:30 pm and 1 am is no one's business but mine and my other business'. Jim: Are you a cocktail waitress? Ryan: You can not have another job if it affects your work here. Michael: It won't. Ryan: It did, all ready. Michael: Okay, honestly, it was unlikely I was gonna figure this out anyways. [Kelly laughs] Kelly: You're so funny. Ryan: Why is Darryl here? He works in the warehouse. Kelly: I invited him. Ryan: It's not a party. Darryl, back downstairs, this isn't information you need. Darryl: There's information here? Yeah, you're right, I don't need this. Kelly: Okay. [makes out with Darryl] Darryl: Hey, get off. Kelly: Umm, see you later tonight. Darryl: I have plans later. Kelly: Okay, bye honey. Ryan: How long until you actually get this presentation ready? Michael: Why don't you do the presentation, because you know how to do it? Ryan: You know what I really want? Honestly Michael, is for you to know it, so you can communicate to the people here, to your clients, to whomever. Michael: Huh, okay. Ryan: What? Michael: It's whoever, not whomever. Ryan: No, it's whomever. Michael: No, whomever is never actually right. Jim: No, sometimes its right. Creed: Michael is right. It's a made-up word used to trick students. Andy: No. Actually, whomever is the formal version of the word. Oscar: Obviously it's a real word, but I don't know when to use it correctly. Michael: Not a native speaker. Kevin: I know what's right, but I'm not gonna say, because you're all jerks who didn't come see my band last night. Ryan: Do you really know which one is correct? Kevin: I don't know. Pam: It's 'whom' when it's the object of a sentence, and 'who' when it's the subject. Phyllis: Yeah, that sounds right. Michael: Well it sounds right, but is it? Stanley: How did Ryan use it? As an object? Ryan: As an object. Kelly: Ryan used me an object. Stanley: Is he right about that? Pam: How did he use it again? Toby: It was Ryan wanted Michael, the subject, to explain the computer system, the object. Michael: Thank you. Toby: To whomever, meaning us, the indirect object. Which is the correct usage of the word. Michael: No one, uh, asked you anything ever, so whomever's name is Toby, why don't you take a letter opener and stick it into your skull. Ryan: Wait! This doesn't matter. And I don't even care. Michael, you quit the other job, or you're fired here. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I've never done this before. I've never quit anything in my life. So, you are filming history. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Nick, I had a dream last night that I had two full time jobs. One here at the Lipophedrazone diet pill company--- Mr. Figaro: Lipophedrine Michael: And the other I was a Regional Manager of a small paper supply company called Dunder Mifflin. Mr. Figaro: Never heard of it. Michael: In this dream I did both of these jobs beautifully, and I loved it, and everybody loved me. But the truth is, I can't do this. Mr. Figaro: Are you quitting? Michael: I am. Mr. Figaro: Come back anytime, don't forget to disinfect your headset. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I was never in this for the money. But it turns out that the money was an absolute necessity for me. I tried to live the dream. I tried to have a job, a girlfriend, another job, and I failed. But the good thing about the American dream is that you can just go to sleep, and try it all again the next night. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: So. Pam: What's up? Andy: Me. All night. Dreaming about Angela's smoking hot body. Pam: You're being gross. Andy: Not from a male perspective. You need to set me up with her, I know she told you that she's looking, and she's totally not responding to my moves. Pam: What moves? Andy: I have moon-walked past accounting like ten times. Pam: I can't believe that's not working. Andy: Yeah. Pam: Um, I don't know if I really see you two together. Andy: Really? Well, maybe you should look in the smart part of your brain. Pam: She's very religious. Andy: Okay, well I come from a line Wasps so long it leads back to Moses. Pam: Okay, well she takes her convictions pretty seriously, she can be kind of severe. Andy: Yeah, and I punched a hole in a wall. Pam: That's right, you did. Andy: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Now that I think about it, Angela and Andy might actually make a good couple. But I couldn't do that to Dwight... or Angela... or Andy. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey Kevin, you're a gambler right? A rounder, you play the ponies, small horses. Kevin: I do gamble Michael. Michael: Yeah, I was thinking about doing some gambling myself. You know, just a little bit of money. Maybe doubling it, and them doubling it seven more times. I don't know, kind of just for fun. I was thinking, do you have tips, or ideas about sure things. Like a boxer who is going to throw the big fight, you know, like, like he's tied into some crooked dealings, maybe his kid is sick or something. Like, who do I call about that? Kevin: The mob. Michael: Do you know anybody in the mob? Kevin: [shakes head no] Michael: Okay, um, Oscar, I'm going to need to take another advance on my salary. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: What do you mean you have plans tonight? Darryl: I have my daughter tonight; we're renting Charlotte's Web. Kelly: Well, you have to make a choice, it's either your daughter, or me. Darryl: My daughter. Kelly: Okay, I see how it is. [pushes a stack of files onto the floor] Oops. Darryl: That was cold. Kelly: [makes a W then an L with her fingers, and then runs a finger across her throat] [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: He's always been terrible with money. Stanley: I bet it's Jan spending him straight to the poor house. Kevin: Yeah, women be shoppin'. Meredith: I can't believe he has a second job. Oscar: He's not even good at his first one. Michael: Hey guys. Kevin: Shh. Michael: What'cha talking about? [camera pans to each face in the break room] Okay, I know what's going on. You're talking about Jim and Pam, if they're having s*x, what it looks like, I know, I think--- Pam: Michael. Michael: Hey, hey, hey. Oscar: Michael, are you having money problems? Michael: Monkey problem? No, I'm not having monkey problems. Why would I have monkey problems? Oscar: You heard me correctly. Michael: Oh, I hate monkeys. Pam: What's going on, why do you have a second job? Michael: I don't have a second job. Maybe I'm having an affair with Suzanne Summers. Pam: Doesn't Jan have money? Michael: I don't talk to my girlfriend about money. It is rude, and unsexual. Kevin: True, it's best to hide our money problems from women. Michael: I totally agree with you. But I don't have money problems, I don't. Alright, you know what? Watch this, if I had money problems, would I do this? [Michael holds up a bill, crumples it up, puts it back in his pocket] Oscar and Stanley: You just put it back in your pocket. Michael: Yeah, but I destroyed it, it's not even useable anymore. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Hey, let's call this what it is. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: It's like she only wants to hook up when Ryan comes around. It's gotten to the point where I get excited every time I see that little dude walk through the door. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: Well, I just need to know where this is going. Darryl: Hey, I like you. Oh yeah, what's not to like? But you need to access your uncrazy side, otherwise maybe this thing's run its course. Kelly: Don't you dare walk away from me Darryl Philben, you are the most selfish person I've ever met in my entire--- Darryl: Slow down, think it over. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: Darryl Philben is the most complicated man that I've ever met. I mean, who says exactly what they're thinking? What kind of game is that? [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: Hey cuz, heard you're having money problems. Michael: No you didn't. Creed: Listen, I've got the answer. You declare bankruptcy, all your problems go away. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy. When Creed Bratton gets in trouble, he transfers his debt to William Charles Schneider. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: How would that help Creed? In Monopoly when you go bankrupt, you lose. Creed: You don't go by Monopoly man, that game is nuts. Nobody just picks up "get out of jail free" cards, those things cost thousands. Michael: That is a good point. Creed: Bankruptcy, Michael, is nature's do-over. It's a fresh start, it's a clean slate. Michael: Like the witness protection program. Creed: Exactly. Oscar: Not at all. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I've always wanted to be in the witness protection program. Fresh start, no debts, no baggage. I've already got my name picked out, Lord Rupert Everton. I'm a shipping merchant who raises fancy dogs. That's the life. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I... DECLARE... BANKRUPTCY! [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Hey, I just wanted you to know that you can't just say the word bankruptcy and expect anything to happen. Michael: I didn't say it, I declared it. Oscar: Still, that's not anything. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: This is a lot of credit card debt. Michael: Yeah, tell me about it. Oscar: Mmm. Michael: You know, Jan has my credit cards, and she's using them as if I'm made of money, she thinks I'm a human ATM machine. Oscar: Okay, a hundred and twenty-five dollars, Amazon. Michael: Oh, that's the Muppet Show, on DVD, classic. Oscar: Twelve hundred dollars. What's a Core Blaster Extreme? Michael: That is by far the best way to strengthen your core. This machine, you sit on a stabilizer ball, you put your feet into the power stir-ups, you reach up and you grab onto the super rod, and you twist, and you twist, and you twist. It strengthens your entire core. Your back core, your arm core, the Marine Core actually uses it. I think that's how they got a core. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I left a little present for Angela. I think she's going to like it, because I found it outside of Vance Refrigeration all alone, and I told her in the note that the cat came to find her, that they were destined to be together. I got game. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Okay, the green bar is what you spend every month on stuff you need, like a car and a house. Michael: Mm-hm. That is so cool how you have my name at the top. Oscar: The red bar is what you spend on non-essentials, like magazines, entertainment, things like that. Michael: Right. Oscar: This scary black bar is what you spend on things that no one ever, ever needs, like multiple magic sets, professional bass fishing equipment. Michael: How do they do this so fast? Is this power-point? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Man, Angela really had a hold on him. [Dwight playing the recorder in the background] Angela. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Michael, I'm going to set you and Jan up with a debt consolidator, you meet with this guy. Michael: No, no, we are going to leave Jan out of this. Oscar: She has to know. Michael: We will find another way, we'll ask power-point. Oscar: Michael, this is a presentation tool. Michael: You're a presentation tool if you think I'm gonna tell Jan about this. Oscar: I'm done! Michael: No you're not! Ok, just... you're not a tool. Look, we'll tell her that it's bad, but it could've been a lot worse but due to some fancy financial foot work I was able to cut it in half. Oscar: Jan is smart. Michael: She poses. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Dwight, how's the hotel business? Dwight: Stupid. Jim: Have you checked Trip Advisor recently? Dwight: No. Jim: Maybe you should. Dwight: Maybe you should. Whatever. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: We wrote a good review. Under comments, we wrote, the natural aroma of the beets drifts into the bedroom and makes you dream of simpler times. Jim: The dawn goose walk will tug at your heartstrings. Pam: Table making never seemed so possible. Jim: You will never want to leave your room. Pam: The architecture reminds one of a quaint Tuscan beet farm. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I'm glad you enjoyed your stay. Pam: We really did. It was fun. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: So due to Michael's clever financial maneuvering, he finds himself tremendously in debt. Jan: [on phone] You're broke? Michael: Um, that's, how did you get that from what Oscar's saying? Jan: [on phone] Michael, how did this happen? Where did all your money go? I don't, I don't get this. I really don't. I don't know how you could be so irresponsible. I mean, this is, it is astounding to me, really. I don't know what more to say. Oscar: Jan. Jan: [on phone] Yeah, what? Oscar: Michael left. Jan: [on phone] Okay, where did he go? Oscar: I don't know. Jan: [on phone] Well, is he coming right back? Oscar: I don't think so. Jan: [on phone] I'll be right there. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: What am I doing? I am blowing dodge. I'm getting out of town. Whatever you call it, I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: [to Andy] You may ask me out to dinner. Nothing fancy or foreign, no bars, no patios, no vegetables, and no seafood. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Dwight. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Uhh-mmm [moaning] Jim: Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton? Dwight: [incoherent mumbling] No you didn't. Jim: Yeah, I didn't think I had. Well, it was all about Pam. Dwight: Mmm-uh-mm [incoherent mumbling] Jim: Yeah, I mean she was with Roy, and, uh, I just couldn't take it. I mean, I lost it Dwight. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate on anything. Even weird stuff, like food had no taste. So my solution was to move away. It was awful. It was something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and that includes you. Dwight: [sobbing, reaches out to Jim after he walked away] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey, I was thinking about dinner--- [Jim grabs her face and kisses her] Jim: Ah, dinner. Let's see, maybe we should try the new Italian place, where the drive-in used to be. Pam: Okay. Jim: Yeah? Pam: Yeah. Jim: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Jim's just really passionate about Italian food. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Yep, I'm very passionate about Italian food. In fact, um, I'm in love with Italian food. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Jan, he went running that way. Jan: Alright. [throws her keys at Oscar] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [singing] Runaway train, never come back. Runaway and I'm never coming back. Jan: Michael. Michael: Hey Jan. Jan: What's going on? Michael: Not much, what's up with you? Jan: Well, why are you sitting on a train? Where are you going? Michael: I'm out of answers Jan. Jan: What does that mean? Michael: I told you, no more answers. This is who I am now. A guy on a train with no answers. I hope that can be enough for you. Jan: Michael, come on. Running away from your problems won't solve anything. You know that. Michael: I don't know that. Jan: Your creditors can follow you anywhere with ease. Your debt follows you around the world, electronically. Michael: I'll stay off the grid. Jan: Uh, Michael, come on, come on, you can deal with this. It's not that bad. Michael: Yeah it is, it is. I really messed up. Jan: Well, when my life fell apart and they, and they screwed me in New York, and I felt like my whole world was collapsing around me, I didn't have anyone. I mean, my whole family still won't even talk to me, on the advice of counsel, and my friends were just waiting for this to happen. Michael: That's really nice of you to say. Jan: Michael, no, what I want to say is you were there for me. By my side. Without even a thought. That's just who you are. I mean, no matter how badly I treat you, or what I'm going through, you just, you are there for me. And that is a guy worth staying beside. So, where's this train taking us? Michael: I think the engineer left. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [takes a ruler and shoves it between his desk and Jim's, knocking Jim's files on the floor] Hello, this is Dwight Schrute calling from Dunder-Mifflin, and according to our records you appear to be low on office supplies. Okay, sure, yeah I can take care of that right now. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Don't sell your implants please. Jan: I'm keeping them. I know you like them. They're kind of uncomfortable though. Michael: That's nice though. Jan: It's kind of painful and my nipples are over-sensitive now. Michael: It looks cute though.

When Jan, now living with Michael in his condominium, forces costly changes in Michael's life, he worries about his financial situation. To remedy the problem, Michael leaves work early for a late night job as a telemarketer until 1 a.m. When Ryan finds out, he forces Michael to quit, who then fears that there is no way in which he can support Jan and himself. He hops a train to run away, but Jan meets him and tells him that they can work together to find a way to live. Meanwhile, Dwight pines over Angela, who is later asked out by Andy. After a pep-talk by Jim, Dwight returns as his normal annoying self, to Jim's pleasure. Pam and Jim visit Dwight's family farm, which he has fashioned into a bed and breakfast .

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"River Dog" 7th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 1ADA06 [SCENE_BREAK] (Start off with the same scene from the end of previous episode) Michael: Whoever's up there looking for us isn't gonna stop until they find us. I'm gonna find out everything I can before they do. (Maria and Liz observe a rat crawling around in the room and Liz finds a tunnel leading out of the room) Liz: Max. Max. Liz: Come on! Come on! Max: Go, go, go, go, go. (Isabel is drawn to a necklace and is lost in deep thought for a brief moment) Max: Isabel! Isabel! (Opening credits) Voice-Over: All logic is gone. Here were my plans last night - finish my shift, dinner with the parents, half hour of talking to Maria on the phone, then dive into this issue I've been having with geometry, and hopefully finish in time to watch this A&E biography on Madame Curie. Instead, I took off in an open-air vehicle that probably shouldn't be allowed on the road to begin with, broke into a house, essentially stole things from it, and engaged in general bonding with aliens. Welcome to my world. (Michael and Maria are driving back in Maria's car) Michael: What? Maria: No, it's just kind of funny how surprising things can get. All this time that i've known you, I've just always thought of you as, like, this guy, you know. Like this weird guy from the other side of the tracks going nowhere in life, which, of course, you know, you still are that but...what i didn't realize was that there's this whole other side to you. Michael: What, that I'm from-- Maria: Well, clearly there's that, but putting that aside, underneath that, um, weird, poorly bathed exterior, there's, like, this whole...deeply wounded, vulnerable guy. Michael: Listen, all right, in terms of what happened yesterday between us, that was just we were on the road. All right, we talked. That's all over. Maria: Of course. Wait. You think something happened between us? (Isabel searches through old photo albums and picks out a photo) Max: What is it? Isabel: You remember when Mom and Dad took us to Florida that summer? Max: Sure. You had sunstroke all of August, and I sprained my ankle on the shuffleboard court. Isabel: Before that. We were on the beach one day, and we drew this thing in the sand, this symbol together. Do you remember that? Max: Symbol? Isabel: Think. We had never seen it before, but somehow we drew it together. We both knew what it was supposed to look like. Why did we both know that symbol, Max? Max: Isabel, what is this all about? Isabel: Draw it. Max: What? Isabel: Close your eyes and try to draw it. Max: But I don't remember it. Isabel: Draw it. (Max draws the symbol and Isabel shows him the photo she picked out from the photo album, which matches his drawing) Max: What made you think of this? Isabel: I found this at Atherton's house. (Isabel shows Max the necklace which also has the same symbol on it) Mrs. Evans: Hey! Where is everybody? You kids ready for some breakfast? Isabel: Morning. Mrs. Evans: You two look exhausted. How late were you last night? I didn't even hear you come in. Max: Sorry. We lost track of the time cramming for that math midterm. Mrs. Evans: Well, just do me a favor, huh? The next time you're studying that late, will you do it here? Ok, let's get a move on. I don't want you to be late for school. Isabel: Ok, we'll be right down. I hate lying to her. (Maria and Liz talking at school) Maria: The thing about Michael is that he's weird but surprisingly interesting. Liz: He's interesting? Maria: Not interesting for me, obviously. Liz: Oh, yes, obviously. Maria: I mean, it can never be. There's a number of obstacles. His hair, his personality, the fact that he was hatched. Liz: Can you please tell me what happened in that motel room? Maria: I told you, Liz, nothing happened. Liz: Are you sure? Maria: Nothing physical, although it wasn't very verbal, either. What Michael and I share, well, it's non-verbal. Michael is the type of person my mom likes to refer to as a vibrator. Liz: A vibrator. Maria: You know what i mean. Someone who communicates by, you know, sending vibes out into the atmosphere. Liz: What kind of vibes was he sending you? Maria: Vibes that are, you know-- Liz: Oh, I have to go talk to Kyle. Maria: Oh, the stalker. Good luck with that, Lizzy. Liz: Thank you. Maria: So, um, I guess I'll see you at Max and Isabel's later. Liz: Um, Max and Isabel's? Maria: Yeah, you know, to go through the files. Michael said they'd pick me up after school, so... Liz: Oh. Uh, yeah, I will be there. (Liz walks over to Kyle's locker) Liz: Hi. Kyle: Miss Texas. Liz: Can I talk to you for a second? Kyle: I can't imagine what you'd want to talk to me about. Liz: In private. Kyle: Oh, this is weird. To be in here in the janitor's closet. It's, um, ironic. Our first kiss. Liz: Oh. Kyle: Last day of school last year. Liz: Yeah. That was, um...that was a great day. Kyle: Liz, don't even try. Liz: Kyle, I just wanted to make sure you were ok. That you didn't get hurt last night. Kyle: I see. So that's what you wanted to speak to me about? Liz: Yes. Kyle: In private. Liz: Mmm-hmm. Kyle: Well, I'm ok. (Kyle starts to leave) Liz: No, Kyle. Um...I just need to make sure that you're not planning on telling anybody about...about where we were that day. Kyle: Oh, see. And here i was thinking you were just concerned about me. Liz, what the hell were you doing out there last night? Liz: I can't talk about it. Kyle: Just gimme a hint. Is it drugs? You part of some cult, or is it just about s*x? Liz: Kyle... Kyle: Don't worry. I--I won't tell anyone. Liz: Thank you. Kyle: Not until I have something on him that will destroy him. (Topolsky is exercising while talking with Agent Stevens of the FBI) Topolsky: Things are very much under control, Sir. Stevens: Agent Topolsky, do you understand the assignment that was given to you? Topolsky: Yes, sir, I do. Stevens: Repeat it. Topolsky: I'm sorry? Stevens: Your assignment. Repeat it to me. Topolsky: The assignment is to observe the subjects and determine whether or not the theories about them are substantiated. Stevens: You're forgetting something, Agent. The word covertly. To covertly observe the subjects to determine whether or not the theories about them are substantiated. Covertly! Topolsky: I've been acting covertly. Stevens: Drop-kicking the sheriff. You call that covertly? Topolsky: The sheriff was endangering my operation. Stevens: Your operation?!? Topolsky: Our operation. Stevens: Wrong again, Agent. Not your operation. Not our operation. My operation! Mine! I think I have a piece of my bagel permanently lodged in my esophagus. New orders, Agent Topolsky. See if you can follow 'em this time. Whatever those kids took from that house, I want it. Get it. Whatever those kids are doing right now, I want to know about it. Do you understand, Agent Topolsky? Topolsky: I understand. Stevens: By any means necessary, Agent. Topolsky: Yes, sir. Stevens: Don't waste my time, Agent! Topolsky: I'm all over it. (Max's Boss, Milton, is talking about UFO spacecraft at the UFO Center) Milton: You are now looking at an actual piece of an alien spacecraft. This metal, which matches none of the 92 trace elements known on the planet, defies the properties of all metals known to man. When bent, it bends back...on its own. It cannot be melted. Nor does it have-- Sheriff: Can I talk to you for a second? Milton: Uh, ladies and gentlemen, I'll be right back with you. Um, study this slide. Milton: How can I help you, sheriff? Sheriff: You know a guy named James Atherton? Wrote about aliens? Milton: He was one of the first to publish on the '47 crash. Alleged crash. He authored several books, most notably "Among Us", published in 1955. Sheriff: You wouldn't happen to know if he's still alive? Milton: That's, uh, anyone's guess. Disappeared. Sheriff: Disappeared? Milton: Vanished right off the face of the earth. Supposedly he was on to some amazing discoveries right before his disappearance. Direct contact. That sort of thing. Legend has it that he was abducted by aliens. He disappeared in 1959. Sheriff: '59? Milton: Sheriff, as a concerned citizen and as an extraterrestrialist, I'm compelled to ask. What's this all about? Sheriff: I think your slide's on fire. Milton: Oh, oh! Stay seated, please. Please stay seated. (Sheriff takes out the picture of the corpse from 1959 that he hid under his desk and compares it to the picture of Atherton in the "Among Us" book, when Deputy Owen knocks on the door) Sheriff: Yeah? Owen: Sheriff, we have a situation. (Max, Isabel, and Michael in jeep heading to Evans home) Michael: So there's kind of a lot of stuff to go through, huh?The files. Max: We'll do it piece by piece, the 3 of us. Michael: The 3 of us...right. 'Cause there's some other people that might wanna help out with that stuff. Isabel: Some other people? Michael: Yeah, you know, that Maria girl. Isabel: That Maria girl? Michael: But it should just be the 3 of us. Max: Probably. Michael: Yeah, that's what I figured. Actually, I sort of told her we were gonna pick her up. Isabel: Michael! Michael: You know, she pushed it. She's got this whole thing. She's a real vibrator. She sends out these vibes. It's... Max: Michael, she can't come look through the stuff. It's us, that's all. Michael: I know. I know. I'll call her. Do you have your phone? Isabel: Fine, but don't let her blather too long, ok, because I'm desperately low on minutes. (There's a lot of commotion outside the Evans home) Isabel: What's going on? Max: We'd better go find out. Michael, get out of here. Isabel: Wait. Are you sure we should go in there? Max: It's where we live. We don't have any choice. Michael: Nah, i don't like this. Max: We'll meet you at the Crashdown later. (Michael takes off) Sheriff: Mr. Evans. Isabel. I'm afraid i've got some bad news for you. Isabel: Mom. Mrs. Evans: Oh, Izzie. Max. Kids, they robbed the house. Isabel: The sheriff told us. When did it happen? Mrs. Evans: This morning, I guess. I stopped at the house on my lunch break, and whoever did it was already gone. Max: Are you ok? Mrs. Evans: Yeah, just a bit shaken. Max: What did they take? Mrs. Evans: The tv, the stereo. I haven't even checked the bedrooms yet. I called your dad. He's on his way. Isabel: We're gonna go check our rooms. (Max checks for the files they took from Atherton's dome) Max: Gone. Isabel: Oh, my God. They didn't come for the TV, did they, Max? Someone knew what we had here. Someone wanted it. Sheriff: Sorry. Wow, i can only guess what it must be like to have your house broken into like this. A real violation. Isabel: Yeah. Sheriff: So what'd they take from in here? Max: Actually, nothing seems to be missing. Sheriff: That's odd. This place has been ransacked worse than the rest of the house. Almost as if they were looking for something. Max: They didn't take anything. Sheriff: How about from your room? Isabel: I haven't, um, looked there yet. Sheriff: You checked out your brother's room before you checked out your own. Why is that? Mrs. Evans: Sheriff, excuse me, but why are you interrogating my children? We're the victims here. Sheriff: Ma'am, I apologize. I didn't mean to interrogate anybody. I just wanted to make sure that we do a thorough investigation. Sometimes seemingly meaningless details can be important. Mrs. Evans: Right. I understand. I'm sorry. Isabel: I'm gonna go and check my room. Owen: Miss Evans? I'm sorry. I just need to take a statement. I can come back later. Isabel: Ok. (Deputy Owen's eyes are drawn to Isabel's necklace) Owen: Where did you get that? Isabel: At the mall. Kind of like the retro look. Why? Owen: I just haven't seen anything like that since I left the reservation. Isabel: Well...maybe they're branching out. Owen: Right. Isabel: Which reservation? Owen: I grew up on the Mescalero reservation just outside of town. [SCENE_BREAK] (Michael enters the Crashdown from a backdoor and runs into Maria) Michael: Never do that again. Maria: I didn't do anything. Michael: You startled me. Maria: I startled you? Michael: Yes. Did Max and Isabel get here yet? Liz: Why? Were they supposed to be here? Oh. Max: We need to talk somewhere. In private. Michael: I can't say for sure I was being followed. I just had a feeling, that's all. Max: What did he look like? Michael: I don't know. A man in a suit. 30-35. Tall. Brown hair. He looked suspicious to me. What can i tell you? Max: When we were on the road, there was a guy who might've been following us. I didn't say anything because I didn't want anyone to get worried. Isabel: I can't believe what's happening here. Someone broke into our house. Someone's following us. It's too real. Max: It's gonna be ok. (Michael stares at Isabel's necklace) Isabel: What? Michael: I know that. I know that. How do i know that? Max: The 3 of us know it. We think it's from the past. Isabel: Pretty wild, huh? I found it at Atherton's. Michael: This has to mean something. Isabel: You know that native american deputy? He said he recognized it from the Mescalero reservation. (Michael shoots a glance at Max as if to say "We've got to go!") Max: We can't go anywhere right now. We can't make any suspicious moves. Michael: Come on. We gotta go. Max: No one's going anywhere. Not right now. (Sheriff pays a visit to Topolsky at school) Topolsky: Who is it? Sheriff: I hope I'm not interrupting anything. Topolsky: Of course not, sheriff. You're always welcome. So, what can I do for you? Sheriff: I just needed your assistance on a small matter. Topolsky: Certainly. What is it? Sheriff: There was a...a break-in at Max and Isabel Evans' house yesterday. Topolsky: I hope no one was hurt. Sheriff: No. No one was home when it happened. And I was just wondering if you could tell me... Topolsky: My whereabouts, sheriff? Sheriff: Of course not. No. I was just curious if there'd been any trouble with any of the students here at the school. Topolsky: I don't know of any of my kids who would do anything like that. Sheriff: Right. Well, it's just a thought. I know you keep a close eye on your students here. Topolsky: That's my job. Sheriff: I can see you're a person who takes their work seriously. Take it home with you. Take it on the road with you. I woke up with one hell of a headache. Topolsky: Must've had your head in the wrong place. Sheriff: Yeah, must've. (Sheriff tips his hat) Sheriff: Ms. Topolsky. (Max hears a knocking at his window and goes to open it) Max: Michael, we're not going--Liz, what are doing here? Liz: Can I come in? Max: Sure. Yeah. Of course. (Liz trips as she climbs through the window and falls on Max who steadies her) Liz: Ohh! Max: So...what's going on? Liz: Um...I really didn't wanna say this before because I didn't want anybody else to get involved, but...I'm going to the reservation. Max: No...no, you're not. We're being watched. Liz: Maybe you're not just being watched, you know. Maybe it's more than that. Max, today they came for the files. What if tomorrow they come for you? If there's anything there, any possibility at all that this means something, we need to find out. Max: Thanks for the offer...but no. Liz: Max, you saved my life. Max: What does that have to do with it? Liz: It's what started all of this. People suspecting you. If anything happened to you...or Michael or Isabel, I just...I couldn't live with that. Let me do this one thing. Max: Liz, I already told you no. Liz: Max, I didn't come here for permission. I came here for the pendant. If you don't give it to me, I'll just draw it. I'm going. Max: Hey. First moment anything weird happens, anything at all, you come back. Liz: I promise. (Liz arrives at the Mescalero Indian reservation late at night and browses through a trinket stand) Peddler: A beautiful bracelet for a beautiful lady. Liz: Oh. Yes, it is really lovely. But I was actually...looking for something like this. I was just wondering if you've seen this symbol before or if you know what it means. Peddler: It means "tree of knowledge." Liz: Really? Peddler: Actually, I have no idea what it means, but it looks old. Liz: Right. Yeah. Do you know what-- (A hand reaches out and grabs Liz's arm. The hand belongs to a native american named River Dog whose eyes are drawn to the necklace that Liz is showing the peddler) Liz: Who was that? Peddler: Stay away from him. Liz: Hello?! Is anyone there? (Liz is about to open her car door when River Dog comes up to her) River Dog: Give me that. Liz: Who are you? River Dog: Please. (Liz lets River Dog examine the necklace) River Dog: Where did you get this? Liz: We just found it. River Dog: We? Liz: No. I found it. River Dog: Who else knows? How many know? Tell me. Liz: No one else knows. River Dog: How did you know to come here? Were you followed? Liz: No, I wasn't. I...what does this mean to you? Please tell me. River Dog: This is dangerous. It brings death. (At the Crashdown, a native american is talking to Liz) Liz: Can I help you? Eddie: I think I'll try the redskin basket. Liz: Oh, yeah, I've been trying to get that off the menu for months. Eddie: Thanks for the effort. My people are indebted. My name's Eddie. Liz: Hi. I'm Liz. Eddie: I have a message from River Dog. He'll meet you at 10 o'clock tonight. Liz: Tonight. Eddie: Come alone. Liz: Out where? Eddie: The reservation. Someone will meet you. (Michael, Max, and Isabel are driving around in the jeep, looking back periodically to check if they're being followed) Max: Is he still following us? Michael: I don't know. I think so. Isabel: I can't believe this. I--I just wish things would go back to the way they were. Michael: I still think this plan bites. Max: Michael, the plan does not bite. Michael: I'm being used as a pawn. I want to go meet this River Dog guy. Isabel: Michael, relax, all right? (They drop Max off at the movies and then drive off quickly to try to lose the agent that's following them) Michael: Here we go. Isabel: Go! Michael: I'm going! (Max and Liz go through the theatre walkways to a pre-arranged place to meet up with Maria) Max: Uh, Liz? Liz: She'll be here. Don't worry. Max: I'm not worried. Isabel: This is a nightmare. Maria: I am so sorry. My mom's acupuncturist appointment ran late. I'm so sorry. Liz: No, it's ok. It's ok. (Max and Liz drive off in Maria's car) (Topolsky pulls over and the sheriff pulls up behind her) Sheriff: Did you lose something? Topolsky: What about you, sheriff? Do you always chase cars when you're off duty? Sheriff: Only when they blow through 3 red lights, 2 stop signs, and do 70 in a 30-mile-an-hour zone. Ms. Topolsky, you are a walking, talking, moving violation. Topolsky: I'll take that the best way i can. Sheriff: Now, I could bring you in, hold you overnight, while I'm at it, do a thorough background check to find out what our new guidance counselor is really up to, or we could just have a nice conversation. (Max and Liz arrive at the reservation) Max: Where do we go? Liz: He just said to come back tonight. That's all he said. Eddie: Who's this guy? Liz: Oh, uh, he's my friend. Eddie: I invited you, just you. Liz: Yeah, I know, but this is really important to both of us. Eddie: Sorry. Liz: Wait, you can't just leave. Eddie: Why not? Max: Because I know this symbol. It means something to me. Liz: Please, it's important. Eddie: There will be a test. If you pass the test, River Dog will answer all your questions. Liz: Let's go. (Eddie walks away a few steps, then turns back to Max and Liz) Eddie: Are you coming? (Isabel, Maria, and Michael are waiting at the Crashdown for Max and Liz to return) Michael: What do we do? Isabel: We wait. They've only been gone a little over an hour. Michael: I'm telling you, the plan sucks the big one, all right? They're out there on my vision quest, and I'm sitting here in the kitchen with 2 girls yakking. Maria: Interesting, um, Michael. You know, some women of the, uh, 20th century might find that last remark just a tad bit offensive. Michael: Why? Maria: Why? Isabel: Welcome to Michael-land. Maria: I hope you intend to pay for that. Michael: I do not. Maria: Well, then that's theft, buddy. Michael: Arrest me. Maria: Ok, so what's with the Tabasco sauce? Michael: Sweet and spicy. Maria: Sweet and spicy? Isabel: We all like things extremely sweet mixed with extremely spicy. It's our little dietary quirk. Maria: Well, I'll have to, uh, keep that in mind. Michael: You do that. Isabel: Are you 2 flirting? God, could my life get any worse? (Max and Liz are following Eddie up a hill and are panting a bit from the effort) Liz: Um, Eddie, how much--how much further is it? Eddie: It's very close. Liz: Max, i don't think this is a good idea anymore. We've been walking for too long. Max: Eddie, um, where exactly are you taking us? Eddie: You're here. Liz: We're where? Eddie: Good luck. Liz: No, Eddie, Eddie. You can't--you can't just leave us here. Max: Hey! Liz: We...what are we gonna do? Max: Friggin' Eddie. Liz: I cannot believe this. Liz: No, Max, Max. Look. (Liz motions towards a cave opening) Max: What was that? (In the darkness, Liz is grabbed by someone) Max: Liz! Liz: Let me go! Max: Liz...Liz, where are you? (Max creates some light to penetrate the darkness of the cave) Max: Let her go. Who are you? River Dog: You have passed the test. (Sheriff Valenti and Topolsky are chatting at a bar) Sheriff: I've never taken you for a drinker. Topolsky: Why is that? Sheriff: You seem like the healthy type. Working out at the gym, shopping the health food aisles. Topolsky: How long have you been following me, sheriff? Sheriff: A while now. Topolsky: Observe anything unusual? Sheriff: Well, besides an FBI agent being assigned to our local high school, yes, I have. That's a hell of a kick you've got going. It about gave me a concussion. It's a good thing I'm not the sensitive type. Topolsky: Aren't you? It seems to me a man who spends his entire life trying to avenge his father's mistakes could be considered sensitive. Sheriff: Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about my father's mistakes if I were you, Agent Topolsky. It seems you've made a few of your own. Topolsky: Such as? Sheriff: Well, such as letting them slip through your fingers. Topolsky: Them? Sheriff: Whoever it is you're after. Such as exposing yourself to the local? Topolsky: Maybe we're taking the wrong tack here, sheriff. Sheriff: It's funny how everybody agrees they've taken the wrong tack when their cover's been blown. Well, anyway, I just thought I'd give you a heads up before i call your superiors and let them know you've been made. Topolsky: Sheriff. Look, if my superiors find out about this, I'm off the case. Gone for good, and where does that leave you? Isn't there some other way we can work this out? Sheriff: Why, whatever could you be thinking, Ms. Topolsky? Topolsky: I probably have information that you would like to have, and you have information that I might want. Maybe we can work together here. Sheriff: Let me think about that. (River Dog is talking to Max and Liz about the alien from 1959) River Dog: I once knew someone like you. I didn't know where he came from or why he was here. He stayed pretty much to himself. He befriended me and everyone here. He began to trust me. Max: Do you know where I can find him? River Dog: I haven't seen him for 40 years. Besides me, the only man he trusted was Atherton. The man gave Atherton his necklace, the one you had. Max: What happened to him? River Dog: Atherton was murdered. Liz: Who killed him? River Dog: The man killed him. Max: Maybe he was defending himself. Atherton was some kind of UFO nut. He could have been trying to expose him, hurt him. River Dog: I was too far away to see what happened, but when I reached them, Atherton was dead. Max: When was this? River Dog: November 1959. Liz: Max. River Dog: I have one more thing to show you. This way. (At the Crashdown, Maria starts to get very anxious because Max and Liz haven't returned yet) Maria: This is taking too long. They're in trouble. Michael: Cool your jets. Maria: We should go out there. Michael: They'll follow us. Maria: What are we supposed to do? Michael: We wait. Maria: You know, now I know why Isabel left. You are obviously the last person to be around in a crisis. Michael: We were told to sit here and wait until they come back, all right, and that's what I'm doing. I'm not the one freaking out. You're freaking out. Maria: I am not freaking out. Michael: You keep pouring sugar from one container to the other and then back again. Quit it, it's driving me insane! Maria: I just--I wish you would say something. Michael: Say what? What do you want me to say? Maria: I don't know what. Just say something, you know, to make me feel calm, to make me feel like it's gonna be all right. Michael: Maybe it's not gonna be all right. Maria: Thanks, that helps a ton. Michael: What do you want me to do? Maria: I don't know. Michael: Shut up, then! Maria: I--I hate you! Michael: Ditto! Maria: You know, all I ask of you is just to try to make me feel better, you know, be a guy or whatever. Forget it. I have obviously tried to bark up the wrong tree. (Michael kisses Maria) Michael: That was to calm you down. Maria: Thanks. (Michael and Maria walk off in opposite directions) (In the cave, River Dog shows Max some drawings on the cavern wall that the alien from 1959 drew) Max: Did he draw this? River Dog: Yes. He said someday you would come. Max: It seems familiar, like i know what it means, but I can't remember. Liz: It must be some sort of language. River Dog: He was afraid they were going to kill him. Max: Who was? River Dog: I don't know. He felt they were close to finding him, so he had to leave. I promised I would never share this information with anyone unless they passed the test. Max: Has anyone else come? Has anyone passed? River Dog: No, no one. Max: So this has some type of meaning. It's some kind of message for us. Maybe it's some type of warning. I don't know. River Dog: It's time for you to leave. Max: Can we come again? (River Dog shakes his head) River Dog: I've completed my promise. There's nothing more I can tell you, nothing more you can learn. (As Max and Liz turn to leave, River Dog reaches out and grabs Liz's hand) River Dog: Wait, wait. You're not one of them. Max: Liz? River Dog: Make sure he deserves your trust. Max: Let's go. (Scene fades out as Max and Liz walk out of the cave hand in hand)

Michael finds a lead when his art teacher reveals information about the geodesic dome. Meanwhile, the dome continues to haunt his dreams and it forces him to hijack Maria's car with her in it all the way to Texas. Max, Isabel, and Liz follow shortly after they discover what has happened. When they all arrive together, Michael finds that the key he has opens a door to a secret underground room which could possibly holds all the answers they are looking for. While in the secret room they discover someone is really not who they say they are. To be continued...

fd_FRIENDS_03x25

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Story by: Pan-ni Landrum & Mark J. Kunerth Teleplay by: Adam Chase [Scene: Central Perk, everyone except Phoebe is there. Bonnie is telling them of her sex-capades.] Chandler: (to Bonnie) So ah, your first sexual experience was with a woman?! Bonnie: All right, I was 15, it was my best friend, Ruth, and we got drunk on that hard cider, and then suddenly, I don't know, we were, we were making out. Chandler: Tell it again. (pause, we see Rachel is not amused.) Seriously. [cut to Rachel and Monica at the counter.] Rachel: (to Monica) I mean is that woman capable of talking about anything else but s*x? Joey: Yeah, sure. Well y'know, earlier she was talking about geography. Monica: Joey, she was listing the countries she's done it in. Joey: Well, I think we all learned something. Phoebe: (entering, hurridly) Hey, you guys! Look what I found! Look at this! (She hands Chandler a picture) That's my Mom's writing! Look. Chandler: (reading the back of the picture) Me and Frank and Phoebe, Graduation 1965. Phoebe: Y'know what that means? Joey: That you're actually 50? Phoebe: No-no, that's not, that's not me Phoebe, that's her pal Phoebe. According to her high school yearbook, they were like B.F.F. (Ross and Bonnie look at her quizzically) Best Friends Forever. All: Oh! Rachel: That is so cool. Phoebe: I know! So this woman probably could like have all kinds of stories about my parents, and she might even know like where my Dad is. So I looked her up, and she lives out by the beach. So maybe this weekend we could go to the beach? All: Yeah! Yeah, we can! Bonnie: (to Ross) Shoot! I can't go, I have to work! Ross: That's too bad. Rachel: (sarcastic) Ohh, big, fat bummerrr. Phoebe: So great! Okay! Tomorrow we're gonna drive out to Montauk. Joey: Hey, Bonnie had s*x there! (Rachel turns and gives him a look, and Joey quickly apologises.) OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Outside Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are waiting for Phoebe to arrive with the cab.] Monica: (watching a happy couple walk by, arm in arm) Would you look at them. Am I ever gonna find a boyfriend again? I gonna die an old maid. Chandler: You're not gonna die an old maid, maybe an old spinster cook. Monica: (sarcastic) Thanks! Chandler: Hey now besides, if worst comes to worst, I'll be your boyfriend. (At that suggestion Monica starts laughing.) Monica: Yeah right. Chandler: Why is that so funny? Monica: You made a joke right? So I laughed. Chandler: Ha-ha-ha. A little to hard. What am I not ah, boyfriend material? Monica: Well, no. You're Chandler. Y'know, Chandler! (hits him on the arm) Chandler: Okay, so we've established my name, and hit me. But theoretically y'know, I mean say we weren't friends, say it's a blind date. I show up at your door, and I'm like (in a fake voice) "Hey, nice to meet, ya. Hey, oh-hey." Monica: Well I'd probably be scared of a guy using a fake voice. Joey: (walking up carrying a brown paper bag) Hey! Monica: Oh, hey! Oh good, you brought food! Joey: No, it's just my luggage. (Phoebe drives up.) Chandler, Monica, and Joey: Hey!! Joey: Woo-hoo! All right! Yeah! Phoebe: Oh, I am having the best karma this week. First, I find this woman who knew my parents, and then my client with the fuzzy back gives me his beach house. Ross: Yeah? What about ah, that bike messenger you hit? Phoebe: Oh, I wasn't talking about his karma. Rachel: (approaching) Hey! Chandler: Hey! Joey: Hey-hey, check out the hat! (She is wearing this giant straw hat, the brim on it must be at least, least foot wide.) Chandler: What a minute, I know that hat! I was taken aboard that hat! They did experiments on me! I can't have children!! Monica: Seriously, where did you get the hat? Rachel: Ross gave it to me. Ross: Yeah, I think she looks good. Rachel: Ohh, thank you. Chandler: Buy it for ya, or win it for ya? Rachel: Well excuse me, my fashion-impaired friends, I am here to tell you that hats are back. Phoebe: And this time, they've ganged up to form one giant, super hat. [Scene: At the Beach, it's raining cats and dogs as the gang arrives. Chandler and Monica are taking shelter under Rachel's hat.] Ross: Go, go, go! Rachel: Oh yeah, now everybody wants to be under this hat! (They get inside and notice on small problem.) Phoebe: Oy!! Monica: What's with all this sand? (picking a handful of sand off of the floor, which is covered in sand) Phoebe: Oh, yeah, Bob said there might be flood damage. Ross: Yeah, either that, or he has a really big cat. [Scene: Phoebe Sr. house, she is a real estate agent and is trying to sell a house over the phone. By the way, it's still raining outside.] Phoebe Sr: Well, yes, it's kind've an unusual house. It has umm, three beautiful bedrooms and ah, no baths. But y'know, the ocean is right there. Phoebe: (at the door) Knock, knock, knock. Phoebe Sr: (on phone) Ah, oh, hang on a second. (to Phoebe) Come in, come in. (on phone) All right, so think about it, and call me back. (hangs up) Phoebe: (entering) Are you ah, Phoebe Abott? Phoebe Sr: Ahh, yes. Phoebe: Hi Phoebe Abott, I'm your best friends daughter! Phoebe Sr: You're Erwin's daughter?! Phoebe: No, I-I mean your-your old best friend, here. (hands her the picture) Lily, from high school. Remember? Phoebe Sr: Oh gosh, Lily, yes. Of course I remember Lily. I... Then you must be? Phoebe: (points to herself) Phoebe. (points to her) Phoebe. Phoebe, yeah. She named me after you I guess. Phoebe Sr: Uh-huh. Wow! Well, look! There's Frank. (points to the picture.) Phoebe: Yes!! Yes! Yes! Yes!! That's my Dad, that's Frank! Yeah! I'm sorry I'm getting all flingy. Phoebe Sr: Take it easy--if you want, there's cookies on the counter, or, or--sangria! (jumps up) I can make sangria! Phoebe: No-no, sorry. Cookies are good, thanks. Phoebe Sr: Oh. Phoebe: (goes and gets some cookies) Well, so, umm, anyway umm, I've been, I've been looking for my Father, and umm, have you heard from him, or seen him? Phoebe Sr: Oh no, I-I'm sorry, I guess we lost track of everybody after high school. Phoebe: (disappointed) Oh, okay. Well, so tell me everything about my parents. Everything. Phoebe Sr: Ohh, well. Y'know we were always together, in fact the had a nickname for the three of us. Phoebe: Oh, what? What was it? Phoebe Sr: The three losers. Oh, poor Lily. (Phoebe notices a picture on the fridge, takes it, and puts it in her pocket.) Ohh, y'know I-I heard about what happened, that must have been just terrible for you, losing your mother that way. Phoebe: (happily) Yeah, no, it was great. [Scene: The beach house, it's still raining. Chandler is building a sand castle, Rachel is doing Monica's nails, and they're all drinking margaritas, obviously bored.] Joey: (getting an idea) Hey, y'know what a really good rainy day game is? Monica: What?! Joey: I mean naked game. Strip poker, we should totally play strip poker. All: No, no! Monica: What are you crazy?! Joey: Come on! When you go away, you-you have to play, it's like a law! Rachel: (to Monica) Allll done! Monica: Aww, thank you. Rachel: Okay, who's next?! (She looks around the room, and stops when she comes to Ross.) Ross: No-o-o! (Rachel gives him a "Please?" look.) No way! Rachel: Come on, please?! I'm boredddd! You let me do it once before. (Ross shoots Joey a look, who shoots Chandler a look, who gives Joey an "Oh my God." look back.) Ross: Yeah well, if ah, if that's the rule this weekend... (She gets up) No! Rachel: Yes! (she starts creeping up on him) Ross: Get away! Rachel: Just once! Ross: Stay away! Rachel: Take it like a man, Ross! Ross: (he gets up and starts to run away from her) No! (in his escape attempt he crushes Chandler's sand castle) No! Rachel: Oh, come on! Chandler: Big bullies!! (Ross dives over the couch, Rachel goes the other way, and lands up top of him.) Ross: Ow! Ow! Oh, no-no-no! (They get into a wrestling match, that ends with Ross making Rachel paint her forehead with the nail polish. They both end up lying next to each other, stop, and look at each other for a moment.) Phoebe: (entering) Oh, hey! Chandler: Hey! Ross: Hey! Phoebe: Oh, so, how are we doing? Chandler: Bored and bored! Joey: Hey, you know what naked card game is never boring? All: Noo!! Monica: (to Phoebe) So what's Phoebe like? Phoebe: I'm kind, caring, and sweet. What's Monica like? Monica: Ah no, the other Phoebe, the one you went to go see. Phoebe: Ohh, I think she knows where my Dad is. Joey: What? Rachel: Really?! Monica: Oh well, where is he?! Phoebe: She was acting, she was pretending like she hasn't heard from him on years, but I found this picture on her fridge, and look (shows Monica)! Isn't this what he would look like now? Monica: (gasps) Totally familiar. (Phoebe shows the rest of them.) Rachel: Oh, yeah. The Guys: Yeah! Monica: Well, why would she lie to you? Phoebe: I don't know, but we're having dinner tomorrow night, so I figured, she's gonna tell me then. Y'know maybe she just wanted to give him time to, buy me presents, I don't know! So, you're all bored? All: Ohh!! Chandler: Yes! Phoebe: All right, I'm gonna close my eyes and point to someone, and you, whoever I point has to come up with something fun for us to do, and we have to do it. Joey: Okay, all right. Phoebe: Okay. Joey: Fan out! Fan out! (They do so, and Phoebe gets in the middle, closes her eyes, and starts spinning in a circle.) Phoebe: Okay. (Starts to spin) Ooh, y'know we could just do this. (She stops at Chandler) Chandler: Okay, umm, we all have to play strip poker. Joey: (jumping in triumph) OH YES!!!!! [cut to later] Monica: Strip Happy Days Game? Joey: Yeah, well, I couldn't find any cards, so it was either this or Strip Bag Of Old Knitting Stuff. (Monica rolls, and Ross goes first.) Ross: Okay, (reading the card) Fonzy gives you two thumbs up, collect two cool points. Yeah. Phoebe: Monica, if you get five cool points, you get to make somebody take off one item of clothing. It hasn't happened yet, but we're all very excited. Ross: Okay, come on! (blows on the dice) Daddy needs a new pair of electromagnetic microscopes for the Prehistoric Forensics Department! (They all look at him, and he shuts up and rolls the dice.) (he moves his piece) Okay. (reading a card) Take Pinky Tuscadero up to Inspiration Point, collect three cool points!! Yeah! Which gives me five, and let's see who is gonna lose their clothes. Ummmm, I think I pick our strip poker sponsor Mr. Joey Tribianni. The Girls: Woo-hooooo!!!! Joey: All right, relax. It's just a shoe. All: Wooooo!!!! [cut to later in the game] Rachel: (reading a card) Okay, your band is playing at Arnold's, collect three cool points. Which means, I have five, and that means I get Joey's boxers! Joey: Fine. Gang up on me! I got you all right where I want you. Phoebe: Come on, take 'em off!! Joey: Actually, y'know it's kinda cold, so how about I keep my boxers on, and give you all a peek at the good stuff? Rachel: (getting up) All right, I'm gonna make more margaritas! (She pours the rest of the pitcher into Ross's glass.) Ross: Whoa, hey! What are doing? Trying to get me drunk? Rachel: I'm just making margaritas. Ross: Okay. Monica: I think I'll help her out. (She gets up to go over and help Rachel, and reveals she has no pants.) (to Rachel) What is going on here? Rachel: What?! Monica: You painting his toenails? Rachel: Oh, come on! Monica: Chasing him all around the room? Rachel: Monica, please? Monica: He's totally flirting with you too. Rachel: (pause) He is, isn't he? I don't know, I don't know, I mean maybe it's just being here at the beach together or, I don't know. But it's like something... (she's interrupted by the sound of Bonnie entering) Bonnie: Hey! Ross: Hey! (Rachel is shocked) Hi Bonnie! Bonnie: Hi! My boss let me off early, so I took the train. Ross: Oh. Bonnie: What are you guys doing?! Joey: We're playing Strip Happy Days Game! Bonnie: Cool! I'll catch up! (She takes off her sweater.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The beach house, the next morning. Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen eating breakfast.] Chandler: So, you still don't think I'm boyfriend material? Monica: Huh? Chandler: I saw you checking me out during the game last night. Monica: You didn't even take off your pants. Chandler: Yeah, well, lucky for you. Monica: What? Chandler: I don't know. Rachel: (entering) Well! Is everybody else having just the best time?! Phoebe: Shhh! Shhhh! Joey's asleep. (Joey is sleeping on the floor and is buried in sand that has been carved into a mermaid complete with breasts.) Phoebe: After he passed out, we put the sand around him to keep him warm. Rachel: Well I assume the ah, happy couple isn't up yet. Did you guys hear them last night? Chandler: Oh, yeah, I don't know what they were doing, but at one point sea turtles actually came up to the house. (Ross and Bonnie enter) Ross: Good morning. All: Hey. Bonnie: Hey! How did everybody sleep? Rachel: Oh, great. Monica: Like a log. Ross and Bonnie: Us too. Rachel: I'm going for a walk. (Joey finally wakes up.) Ross: (to Joey) Good morning. Nice breasts by the way. (Joey looks down and his look turns from shock to satisfaction.) [Scene: The porch, Bonnie is coming back from swimming, Rachel is reading.] Bonnie: Hey, what happened to you? Rachel: Oh, ah nothin'. I just felt like hangin' out here and reading. Bonnie: Oh, the water was sooo great! We jumped off this pier and my suit came off. Rachel: Ohhhh, sorry I missed that. Bonnie: Yeah, Joey and Chandler sure are funny. Rachel: Ohh-ha-ha! Bonnie: I think I brought back half of the beach in my hair. It was so much easier when I used to shave my head. Rachel: Y'know, I gotta tell ya, I just loved your look when you were bald. Bonnie: Really?! Rachel: Ohh! Bonnie: Because I think about shaving it all off again sometime. Rachel: Really?! Bonnie: Yeah! Rachel: I mean you definitely should do that. Bonnie: Y'know what, I should do it. Rachel: Yeah! Bonnie: Yeah, thank you Rachel, you are soo cool. Rachel: Awww, stop. Come on. Now go shave that head! Bonnie: All right. (As Bonnie goes to do just that, Rachel smiles to herself, proud of what she's done.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The beach house, at night. Phoebe is hangs up the phone, and gently pushes one of the stools over.] Joey: What's the matter, Pheebs? Phoebe: She cancelled! My namesake cancelled on me! Joey: What?! Phoebe: Yeah, she clamed she had to go out of town suddenly. She's avoiding me, she doesn't want to tell me where my Father is. She knows, and she won't tell me. Rachel: Aww Pheebs, that sucks! Phoebe: Yeah, well, don't "Aww Pheebs, that sucks!" me yet. (she starts to leave) Chandler: Where ya going? Phoebe: Well, she's out of town so, there's gotta be something in her house that tells me where my Father is. Ross: Uh, Pheebs, some people call that breaking and entering. Phoebe: Well, are any of those people here?! All: Oh, no!! No, no! Phoebe: Okay, look I-I-I do something nice, okay? I'll-I'll fill her ice trays. (She exits just as Bonnie comes down the stairs, as bald as Michael Jordan.) Bonnie: Hey, everybody! All: Wow!! (they all recoil in shock and horror) Ross: Wh-haa-haa! Look what 'cha did! (Rachel has her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing.) Bonnie: You wanna touch it? Ross: Nooo, but it, but it's great. Bonnie: Come on, touch it! Ross: Okay. (He gently touches it.) You can feel all the bones in your skull. [Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is coming out to talk to Rachel.] Ross: Hi. Rachel: Hi! Ross: I was having a little chat with ah, Bonnie, and ah, guess what, she-she happened to bring up y'know, who was behind the um, whole head shaving idea, and now, who was it? Oh, that's right, that's right, it was you! Rachel: That was her idea, I just gave her a nudge. Ross: She said you gave her the razor! Bonnie: (joining them) Hey guys. Rachel: Hey! Bonnie: So, anyone up for a midnight dip in the ocean? Ross: Ahh, no, I'm good. Bonnie: Okay, I'll see you in a bit. Ross: Okay, have fun! Wooo!! Rachel: Come on see, she doesn't look that bad. Ross: You can see the moonlight bouncing off her head! What the hell were you thinking?!! Rachel: I don't know. Ross: You don't know?! Rach, you balded my girlfriend! Rachel: All right! Ross, do you think it's easy for me to see you with somebody else? Ross: Y'know, hey! You're the one who ended it, remember? Rachel: Yeah, because I was mad at you, not because I stopped loving you! Ross: You still love me? Rachel: Noo. Ross: You still love me. Rachel: Oh, y-yeah, so, you-you love me! Ross: Noo, nnnnn. What does this mean? What do you, I mean do you wanna, get back together? Rachel: Noo! Maybe! I, I don't know. Ross, I still can't forgive you for what you did, I can't, I just, but sometimes when I'm with you I just, I feel so... Ross: What?! Rachel: I just, I feel, I-I just... Ross: What? Rachel: I feel... (Ross leans in and kisses her. They both look at each other for a moment, and then embrace in a more passionate kiss, only to be interrupted by Joey and Chandler coming outside.) Chandler: (to Joey) Noo!! I don't care! I'm not, I'm not gonna playing one-on-one strip poker with you for practice! (Rachel and Ross both stop kissing, and quickly step back from each other.) Joey: But I made cards!! Rachel: Well! Good night. (to Ross) I'm going upstairs. Joey and Chandler: G'night. (Rachel walks inside, stops, and turns back to look at Ross for a moment then goes upstairs.) Joey: (to Ross) Wanna play strip poker for practice? [Scene: Phoebe Sr.'s house, Phoebe is breaking in through a window.] (She throws her bag inside, and starts to climb through the window. She gets halfway in and the window slams shut on her butt.) Phoebe: Ow! My ass. Okay. Okay. (She manages to climb completely inside and the window slams shut.) Oh, shhh! (She starts walking across the darkened room and hits her head on a wind chime hanging from the ceiling, to stop it from making a noise she grabs it and "Shhh's" it. She goes into the kitchen and finds Phoebe Sr.'s appointment book, to read it she opens the freezer. Just as she starts to read, Phoebe Sr. jumps out from her bedroom with a coat hanger, startling Phoebe.) Phoebe: No! No!! It's me! It's me! I-I didn't want to make any noise! Phoebe Sr: I saw you break in!! Phoebe: I'm sorry. Phoebe Sr: What are you doing here?! Phoebe: I-I, came to fill your ice cube trays. Phoebe Sr: What?! Phoebe: Umm, okay, okay, look. I took this picture from your fridge. Okay, because I know that this is my Father. Yeah, this is Frank Buffay and you are standing right there next to him. Now, look I deserve to know where I came from. All right? So if you can help me find my Father then you should! Otherwise, you're just mean! (pause) So, just tell me the truth! Phoebe Sr: All right, the man in the picture is Chuck Magioni. Phoebe: My Father is Chuck Magioni? Phoebe Sr: No, no, that's just Chuck Magioni, I-I sold him a house last year! And I'm very sorry, but I don't know where your Father is, and that's the truth. Phoebe: Oh. Phoebe Sr: But umm, you're right. I think that a person should know where they come from. Wh-which is why I ah, (pause) ahh, (pause) okay. I'm your mother. Phoebe: Heh? Phoebe Sr: Y'know I wanted to tell you yesterday, but I just, I kinda felt all floopy, and... (At that Phoebe's eyes open in shock.) [Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler what happened with Rachel.] Joey: I'm telling ya, you guys are totally getting back together! Ross: That's not true! Her, she doesn't even know what she wants! Rachel's still mad about the whole thing. Chandler: Okay, then you gotta back away, all right? You don't need that kind've hurt. Take it from a guy who's never had a long term relationship...... Ross: I know, but ahhhhhh!! I really wanna go up there and finish that kiss! Bonnie: (coming back from her swim) Hey! Chandler: Ahhhh! (Steps away from her.) Bonnie: You guys, the water's great. You should really go in. Chandler: Oh, ahh, no thanks, I just had an M&M. Bonnie: Okay, well g'night. Ross: Good night. Bonnie: (kisses Ross) Don't be too long. Ross: Okey-dokey! Chandler: There is not one hair on that head. Ross: Hey, it'll grow back, right? And she-she's really fun, and she's cool, and-and I'm finally moving on. Y'know? I mean getting over Rachel was so (makes an incoherent nasal sound), y'know? Y'know, and I'm finally feeling sane again. And now if I go up there, and-and I kiss her, and, Gooood I wanna kiss her, and-and-and it doesn't work out, right? Do I really wanna put myself through that again? Joey: So let me get this straight. If you go with Bonnie tonight, you're doing the smart, healthy thing and moving on. Ross: Yeah. Joey: Right, and you go with Rachel, Bonnie's free tonight? [Scene: The hallway between the bedrooms. Ross is coming upstairs and stops between two doors. He looks at the one on the right, then he looks at the one on his left, thinks about it, and goes in the one on his right.] Ross: (entering the bedroom) Hi. (closes the door) CLOSING CREDITS [Scene: The beach house, Chandler is simulating he's coming to pick up Monica for a date. Chandler knocks on the door, and Monica answers it.] Chandler: (in a fake voice) Hi there. Monica: That's that weird voice again. Chandler: Okay! Okay! Let me try it again, you're gonna wanna date this next guy, I swear! (Monica closes the door, Chandler knocks, and Monica opens it to reveal Chandler on his knees.) Chandler: Hi! I'm Dorf! You're date for the evening. (Monica walks away in disgust) Oh come on! Dorf on dating, that's good stuff!!

Chandler tries proving to Monica that he is 'boyfriend material'. The gang goes to Montauk for the weekend, but their borrowed beach house is filled with sand after a storm. The gang plays strip Happy Days game, with Joey losing more than his shirt. Rachel and Ross flirt until Bonnie unexpectedly shows up. Phoebe meets the woman, also named Phoebe, who knew her parents. She suspects the elder Phoebe knows more than she is telling, so she breaks into her house looking for information about her father. Elder Phoebe catches her, then confesses that she is Phoebe's birth mother. Ross discovers that Rachel still loves him and may want to reconcile. He must choose between her and sex-crazy and newly-bald Bonnie (thanks to some coercive advice from Rachel).

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_07x25

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_07x25_0

INFERNO by: DON HOUGHTON 5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: (Shouts.) Go on, Doctor! Go now! DOCTOR: (Shouts.) I can't! It's still too erratic! (A red glow comes through the open door. PETRA turns to look.) DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: (Screams.) Greg! (GREG and the SECTION LEADER turn. Through the open doors, a wall of lava is pouring towards the garage, engulfing everything in its path. The survivors within watch helplessly as death flows straight at them...) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE (The DOCTOR lies unconscious on the floor of the garage. All is quiet. In place of the neat storage shelves of the fascist world, the garage is lined with the packed wooden shelves. The TARDIS console and Bessie have also made it back. He has made it back to his world. A buzzing is heard from the doors and they open. LIZ is stood outside holding the sonic screwdriver. At a glance she takes in the scene presented to her.) LIZ: Doctor! (She runs over to him and quickly feels his neck and forehead. She then runs back to the doors.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: EXT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE (She yells across the area.) LIZ: (Shouts.) Sergeant! Over here! Quickly! [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE (She runs back inside and starts to examine the DOCTOR again. SERGEANT BENTON quickly follows.) SERGEANT BENTON: What's the matter? (He sees who is back.) SERGEANT BENTON: It's the Doctor! LIZ: (Sharply.) I can see that. Tell the Brigadier. SERGEANT BENTON: Right, Miss Shaw. (He runs off as LIZ starts to undo the DOCTOR'S collar and tie.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (The countdown clock reads 3:22:38. In a quiet calm central control that presents a stark contrast to the chaos of the "other" world, STAHLMAN, still wearing his white gloves, is giving new instructions to an increasing doubtful PETRA.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: It's perfectly straightforward, Petra - we boost all power circuits to maximum and that'll give us a further acceleration of... (He checks a clipboard which rests on top of the defunct computer.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: ...three point six percent. (He looks at PETRA and sees the indecision on her face.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Well, do you find some fault in my calculations? PETRA WILLIAMS: Of course not, Professor Stahlman. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Well then, what's the matter? PETRA WILLIAMS: We're already twelve percent over the planned acceleration. Well, another three percent'll take us well over the safety margin. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Oh, safety margins are for cautious old women like Sir Keith. I know perfectly well what I'm doing. Pass on my instructions please. (He walks off towards the drill-head. GREG steps down from the upper level of consoles and, walking past PETRA, sees the troubled look on her face as she stares at the clipboard.) GREG SUTTON: You look worried. PETRA WILLIAMS: He's ordered a further acceleration - three point six percent. GREG SUTTON: (Shocked.) But he can't do that! PETRA WILLIAMS: I'm afraid he can. GREG SUTTON: We're pushing the safety limits now. PETRA WILLIAMS: Yes, I know. GREG SUTTON: I'm gonna have a word with him. (GREG moves towards the drill-head. PETRA runs after him and stops him.) PETRA WILLIAMS: Greg! It's no use! He usually listens to me, but this time... GREG SUTTON: But not any more, eh? Let's face it, Petra, he's losing his grip. PETRA WILLIAMS: Professor Stahlman's been working on this project for years. He must know what's going on. GREG SUTTON: But he can still make mistakes, can't he? If he makes one at this stage, it could be a lulu! (GREG is about to set off once more but PETRA again stops him.) PETRA WILLIAMS: Greg, let me talk to him first. GREG SUTTON: All right. You go and soften him up and I'll close in for the kill. (They smile at each other and PETRA goes after STAHLMAN. Meanwhile, the BRIGADIER enters central control, heading towards his office. SERGEANT BENTON comes running after him.) SERGEANT BENTON: Sir? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, Benton? SERGEANT BENTON: 'Scuse me, sir, but it's the Doctor - he's...well, he's back. (Stood nearby, GREG overhears this.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, where is he? SERGEANT BENTON: Well, he's in the hut, sir. Miss Shaw's with him. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Right, I'll come back with you now. SERGEANT BENTON: Right, sir. (The two men leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. DRILL-HEAD (A technician helps STAHLMAN on with a white lab coat. The PROFESSOR walks over to a waiting PETRA.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: My dear Miss Williams, much as I value your services, I must remind you that you're not in con... (He is struck by another attack from the effect of the slime on his hand. He hears a sharp whistling tone in his head and he stares upwards in pain...) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: ...trol of the... (His voice tails off. After a moment, he hears PETRA'S words echoing in his mind...) PETRA WILLIAMS: Professor! Professor Stahlman! (He screws his eyes up to clear his head. He then looks at a concerned PETRA.) PETRA WILLIAMS: Are you all right? You look ill. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Yes, I...I have a headache, that's all. PETRA WILLIAMS: You really ought to go to the sickbay. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: I'm perfectly all right. (He walks off. GREG enters the drill-head area and goes up to PETRA. She shakes her head but he carries straight on to the PROFESSOR.) GREG SUTTON: Look, Professor Stahlman - this accelerated drilling - it just isn't on, you know. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Someone else is about to tell me how to run my own project. GREG SUTTON: Well, we should be slowing down at this stage, not forcing the pace. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: The drilling will continue at the pace I decide. GREG SUTTON: Professor, you've been working on this project for years, right? What's the mad rush in the last few hours? PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: We must reach penetration zero at the earliest possible moment. (Again, he is mentally attacked by the force from the Earth's depths.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Every...second... (His eyes widen and he reels. GREG'S words echo at him...) GREG SUTTON: Professor? Professor?! (The PROFESSOR regains control of himself again. He looks sharply at GREG.) GREG SUTTON: You need a rest. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: I don't want to discuss the matter any further. Please carry out my instructions at once. (He stalks out of the drill-head area watched by an intensely concerned PETRA.) GREG SUTTON: (To PETRA.) I thought you were supposed to soften him up? PETRA WILLIAMS: He just wasn't listening! Greg, he's ill! He had some sort of attack! GREG SUTTON: Yes, I saw it. Let's face it - this whole thing's getting too much for him, he's cracking up. [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE (A camp bed has been brought into the DOCTOR'S garage and he lies on it unconscious. As the BRIGADIER watches, LIZ listens to his chest.) LIZ: Hearts beating steadily. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Both of them? LIZ: Yes. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, what's the matter with him? LIZ: Some sort of coma. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: How long before he comes out of it? LIZ: Difficult to say. Could be a few hours...a few months. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Concerned.) Months? LIZ: Some people never recover. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I'll send for a doctor. LIZ: I happen to be a doctor, Brigadier - remember? (She feels the DOCTOR'S brow. The BRIGADIER is impatient...) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, shouldn't he be in hospital? LIZ: I think it'd be very dangerous to move him at all. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What, leave him here? LIZ: Why not? It's quiet. We can keep him warm. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Miss Shaw, I really think he needs medical attention. LIZ: (Insistent.) Brigadier, I will look after him. [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (GREG, undaunted, again approaches the PROFESSOR who is stood at the upper level consoles, checking readings against his notebook.) GREG SUTTON: If you could spare me a moment, Professor? I've been checking an emergency flange on number two output pipe. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: It was repaired some time ago. GREG SUTTON: Yes, well the man didn't do a very good job and at the rate we're drilling, that flange could blow at any moment. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: (Curtly.) Then what do you suggest? GREG SUTTON: Well, if you could slow down the drilling rate, I can get a proper job done. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Another transparent excuse for delay! GREG SUTTON: (Angrily.) Excuse, nothing! At the speed we're drilling, we could blow this place sky high before you ever reach penetration zero. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Mr. Sutton, you're here on sufferance. That being the case, I suggest... GREG SUTTON: (Shouts.) I'm here because I was sent for by Sir Keith! And believe me, working with you is no pleasure! PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Then I suggest you stop interfering in matters beyond your understanding. (GREG lets out a huge sigh of frustration.) GREG SUTTON: I'm trying to help! I am supposed to be an advisor! PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Yes, one of Sir Keith's little army of experts. Well, we don't need your advice, Mr. Sutton. Now that ridiculous Doctor has gone, Sir Keith himself has gone, why don't you follow their example? And then we might make some progress. (He walks off back towards the drill-head. GREG shouts after him.) GREG SUTTON: Don't worry, I'll do just that! As far as I'm concerned you can blow yourself to kingdom come! (The various technicians look up. GREG starts to walk out but PETRA runs after him.) PETRA WILLIAMS: Greg?! You're not serious, are you? GREG SUTTON: Of course I'm serious. If I can't do anything else, at least I can save my own neck. (He goes back to her.) GREG SUTTON: Why don't you come with me? PETRA WILLIAMS: You're convinced there'll be a blow up! GREG SUTTON: I'd take odds on it - well? PETRA WILLIAMS: I can't leave, you know that. GREG SUTTON: Loyal to the last, eh? PETRA WILLIAMS: I wish you'd change your mind about leaving. GREG SUTTON: Why? PETRA WILLIAMS: Well, if anything were to happen, I...I'd like to think you were here. GREG SUTTON: (Bitterly.) Just for the good of the project? PETRA WILLIAMS: (Shouts.) No! (She collects herself.) PETRA WILLIAMS: Not entirely. (Smiles.) I've just got used to your being around. GREG SUTTON: (Smiles.) Maybe I haven't been wasting my time down here after all? (Their new understanding is rudely interrupted by the blare of the alarm klaxon...) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. DRILL-HEAD (Smoke pours out of the roaring drill-head. At the base of number two output pipe, the green substance starts to emerge.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE (The alarm noise have reached the DOCTOR'S hut, the BRIGADIER is on the phone...) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) Hello. Get me control. (He listens, then angrily.) Yes, I can hear the alarms. Now this is Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart, now get me control! (On the camp bed, the DOCTOR'S face spasms as the noise of the alarm reaches through to him.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) Hello, control? Lethbridge Stewart here. Now, what's happening? (He listens.) Yes. (Listens.) Yes, yes, yes, go on! (Listens.) How serious? (The DOCTOR, still hearing the klaxon, suddenly groans. LIZ is instantly by his side.) LIZ: Doctor! (His eyes still closed, the DOCTOR struggles to speak...) DOCTOR: Number two...number two output pipe blown... LIZ: Doctor, can you hear me? DOCTOR: Number two output...output pipe... (The BRIGADIER, now off the phone, looks down at the DOCTOR in amazement.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What did he say? DOCTOR: Very dangerous...very dangerous...number two...output pipe blown. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: How on earth did he know? LIZ: What? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: The emergency flange on number two output pipe has blown. It's just this minute happened! DOCTOR: (Groans.) ... LIZ: (To the BRIGADIER.) Listen... DOCTOR: (Feverishly.) There's only...only one thing...one thing to do...reverse, huh...reverse all systems...reverse all systems immediately. LIZ: Reverse all systems. DOCTOR: Reverse all systems...! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Delirious... DOCTOR: Yes... LIZ: He knew about the leak, almost as though he expected it. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: But how could he? Look at him - he's still in a coma. LIZ: Doctor, can you hear me? (But the DOCTOR is again still.) LIZ: Doctor? Doctor? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: It's no good. LIZ: Keep an eye on him, Brigadier. I think central control ought to know about this. (She walks towards the doors of the garage.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (Technicians are running across central control in a panic. STAHLMAN runs out of the smoke-filled drill-head, shouting as he goes.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: (Shouts.) ... This is only a minor emergency! It can be contained! (PETRA and GREG are at the upper level consoles.) PETRA WILLIAMS: Professor, stop the drill! PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: No, positively not. GREG SUTTON: Then you'd better do something and quick, Professor, otherwise you'll bust this place wide open! PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Have those riggers arrived yet? GREG SUTTON: Look, an army of riggers are not going to get you out of this one! (STAHLMAN sees technicians coming out of the drill-head and goes over to them, haranguing them back into the smoky interior.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: (Shouts.) Oh, get back there - go on! Get back to your posts all of you! Back to the drill-head ... (GREG, furious, watches him go.) GREG SUTTON: Look at him - he's out of his mind! He's not even trying to think of a solution! (LIZ has entered central control.) PETRA WILLIAMS: Is there one?! LIZ: What would happen if you reversed all the systems? GREG SUTTON: What? LIZ: Reversed everything. GREG SUTTON: Well it's not such a crazy idea. It's been done before. PETRA WILLIAMS: With an oil shaft? GREG SUTTON: Yes, in Arabia. You push all the coolant down the output pipes and draw up the debris from the bottom of the shaft in the input pipes. LIZ: Reverse the vortex? GREG SUTTON: Yes. LIZ: It's a possibility - theoretically. (PETRA considers...) PETRA WILLIAMS: Professor Stahlman would never permit it! LIZ: Just do it. GREG SUTTON: Why not? What about it, Petra? (PETRA, for once, acts independently.) PETRA WILLIAMS: Come on! (They run off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE (The DOCTOR still lies with his eyes closed but his face is creased in pain as hears the continuing klaxon. Suddenly the alarm stops and the DOCTOR'S features relax...) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (GREG is at one console with PETRA. He crosses to LIZ.) GREG SUTTON: Well, I reckon it's working. LIZ: Seems to be. GREG SUTTON: That was a brilliant idea of yours. LIZ: Oh, it wasn't my idea. GREG SUTTON: Then who? No, don't tell me - the Doctor. I heard he was back. LIZ: That's right - the Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. DRILL-HEAD (There is still a small amount of smoke coming from the drill-head.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (GREG watches as STAHLMAN confronts PETRA.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: I gave no such orders. (She stands her ground.) PETRA WILLIAMS: No, Professor Stahlman, I did. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Even you, Petra. (Frowning, he walks off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE (The DOCTOR starts to stir. LIZ'S words echo through to him.) LIZ: Doctor, are you all right? (He slowly opens his eyes.) DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Liz? It is Liz? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: How are you, Doctor? DOCTOR: Fine, Brigadier. (He stares at the BRIGADIER.) DOCTOR: You know, you really do look better with that moustache. (LIZ and the BRIGADIER look at each other in puzzlement.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Delirious, poor chap. (The DOCTOR tries to sit up. LIZ helps him.) LIZ: Doctor, you really ought to...rest. You...you've been unconscious. DOCTOR: Yes, I'm very well aware of that. (He feels his wrist.) DOCTOR: Oh...oh, the pulse seems to be more or less normal...at a hundred and seventy. (LIZ smiles. The DOCTOR feels his chest.) DOCTOR: Yeah, yes, both ticking away quite nicely. Although the right one seems a fraction faster. Still that's only to be expected, isn't it? LIZ: Doctor, where did you go? Where did the TARDIS console take you? (The DOCTOR becomes somewhat fearful and nervous as he starts to think of his recent experiences...) DOCTOR: Same time, same place...only a different dimension. It was a parallel world, Liz. Terrible things are happening there - terrible things. It wasn't this Earth, and...yet it was. I didn't go...backwards into the past, or forwards into the future. I slipped sideways. (He swings his legs off the camp bed as if he is about to get up.) LIZ: (Gently.) You must lie down. DOCTOR: Brigade Leader...? (The BRIGADIER and LIZ look at each other at the use of this unfamiliar title.) DOCTOR: That technician, the one who went berserk and started killing people, have you found him yet? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: No. DOCTOR: And Stahlman, how's he? LIZ: Still as difficult as ever. DOCTOR: But no worse? LIZ: Well, I haven't noticed. DOCTOR: How's the drilling? (Suddenly, there is a knock at the garage door. Watched by the DOCTOR, LIZ goes and opens it up with the sonic screwdriver. SIR KEITH GOLD, his left arm in a sling, walks in. The DOCTOR is both amazed and delighted.) DOCTOR: Sir Keith! SIR KEITH GOLD: My dear fellow, so you've come back to us after all. DOCTOR: So you're not dead?! (LIZ closes the doors.) SIR KEITH GOLD: Well, no, I came very close to it though. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Why, what happened? SIR KEITH GOLD: Car crash. DOCTOR: But you're not dead? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Slightly embarrassed.) You can see he's not dead. (He moves closer to SIR KEITH and speaks quietly.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: The Doctor's been ill, sir. (The DOCTOR starts to mutter excitedly to himself...) DOCTOR: That's excellent! Excellent! SIR KEITH GOLD: Well, yes, yes, I think so too! Brigadier, I shall have to lay very serious charges against Professor Stahlman. He ordered my chauffeur to delay my return. (The DOCTOR thinks furiously and once more mutters aloud to himself...) DOCTOR: So not everything runs parallel. SIR KEITH GOLD: (To the BRIGADIER.) He's been ill, you say? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, a coma. DOCTOR: (To himself.) Yes, of course, of course, an infinity of universes! Ergo - an infinite number of choices. So free will is not an illusion after all! The pattern can be changed! (Behind him, the BRIGADIER crosses to the phone.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) Hello, get me the medical section will you? (He listens.) Thank you. (The DOCTOR jumps up and strides over to him.) DOCTOR: Now look... BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) Yes, very well. (The DOCTOR snatches the phone from him.) DOCTOR: Now, wait a minute. I'm not sick, I'm not in need of a doctor and I'm not a raving idiot! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Reassuringly.) No, no, no, of course not. Perhaps you've...had some sort of nightmare. LIZ: He did disappear - we saw him! (The DOCTOR, as intense as he's ever been, goes back to SIR KEITH.) DOCTOR: Sir Keith, unless we do something very, very quickly indeed, there's going to be a disaster. SIR KEITH GOLD: Well, how do you know, Doctor? DOCTOR: Because I've already seen it! [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (Followed by LIZ, the BRIGADIER and SIR KEITH, the DOCTOR runs into central control and straight up to STAHLMAN.) DOCTOR: Professor Stahlman?! You must stop this drilling immediately! PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: (Furious.) Who let this maniac back in here?! DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Do you hear me? Close down this operation now! PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: (Shouts.) Brigadier - arrest this man! (The DOCTOR yells at all in the room...) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Now listen to me - all of you! You are not to attempt to penetrate the Earth's crust! PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: (Shouts.) Brigadier, you hear what I say? (The BRIGADIER steps forward.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Doctor, please? DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Now you get out of my light! (The DOCTOR runs to a console, picks up a spanner and starts to hammer at one of the consoles. Sparks and smoke erupt from it.) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Now stop this drilling! (The BRIGADIER runs up and tries to restrain him.) LIZ: (Shouts.) Doctor! DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Stop this drilling! You don't understand, do you?! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Shouts.) Benton, get some help - quickly! DOCTOR: (Shouts.) You've got stop this drilling! GREG SUTTON: (Shouts.) Now Doctor, calm down! PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: You see? Completely demented! DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Stop this drilling! (BENTON and two soldiers run up. As the DOCTOR protests incoherently, the two soldiers start to drag him away.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Shouts.) All right, Benton, go on! Take him to the sick bay and be careful - I don't want him hurt! LIZ: (Shouts.) No, you can't! (The DOCTOR struggles to get a last word with LIZ before he is dragged away.) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Now Liz, listen to me - computer - there's a micro circuit missing! LIZ: I'll look. Will you treat him carefully?! (The DOCTOR is pulled out, still protesting.) DOCTOR: Stop it! Stop this drilling! PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Brigadier, I hold you responsible. SIR KEITH GOLD: Professor Stahlman, I'd like to speak to you please. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Ah, Sir Keith. I thought you were supposed to be in London. (He notices the sling.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: An accident? SIR KEITH GOLD: (Angrily.) This is a direct consequence of your orders to my chauffeur. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Mmm? Huh! Ridiculous! SIR KEITH GOLD: Professor, the Minister would like you to report to him immediately ..... PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: (Interrupts.) Oh, he would, would he? SIR KEITH GOLD: There's to be an inquiry into this project and, if I may say so, into your conduct. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: You can make as many inquiries as you like, my dear Gold, after we've penetrated the Earth's crust. (He leaves SIR KEITH stuck for words.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. DRILL-HEAD (PETRA speaks to one of the technicians at the back of the drill-head area and then crosses the room to the PROFESSOR, absorbed as usual in collecting data in his notebook.) PETRA WILLIAMS: Professor Stahlman, I'll be switching to robot controls in forty-nine minutes. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Thank you. (She is about to move off but notices that STAHLMAN seems to sniff the air and crick his neck.) PETRA WILLIAMS: Any wrong, Professor? PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: I feel...very cold in here. PETRA WILLIAMS: Cold? PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Yeah, have the maintenance people raise the temperature. PETRA WILLIAMS: But it's running normally. PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Do as I say. (She moves off. As soon as she has gone, STAHLMAN suffers another attack. The technicians mutter to each other as they watch him stare wide-eyed across the room. Suddenly, he calls out to them.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: All of you leave this area immediately! Go on! (They move to the doorway and watch him.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: I shall control...the last phase of this operation alone. Stand by in the drill-head there. (He moves towards them to urge them out of the room, which they do.) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Now, go on! Get out, all of you, go on! Do as I say! (As soon as they have gone, he clutches his head.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (GREG speaks to this displaced technicians and then tells PETRA what has happened...) GREG SUTTON: Well, he's just ordered them all out of there. Now do you believe he's cracked up? PETRA WILLIAMS: Greg, the heat shield! (They look across to the drill-head area where the heat shield hums down into place.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: EXT. COMPLEX (Holding him by the arm, the two soldiers lead the DOCTOR out of one of the buildings and across the complex. The DOCTOR stops...) DOCTOR: Well, I'm sorry about this, gentlemen. (...and grabs the soldiers in a nerve hold. They groan and fall to the ground. He runs off as fast as he can. Clutching their necks, the soldiers recover as they watch him go. Meanwhile, the DOCTOR runs beneath some of the machine-like structures and starts to climb a vertical fixed ladder within. The soldiers recover fully and start to give chase. The DOCTOR'S climb brings him out on one of the lower level gasometer structures. Well practised by now, he ducks down below the eye level of anyone below and watches as the soldiers run by. Rising into place once they have gone, he hears animal noises behind him and turns to see the transforming BROMLEY on the other side of the circular catwalk. The DOCTOR backs off round the catwalk to where a fire extinguisher hangs. He takes it up and manages to have it pointed at BROMLEY before he lunges at him. Several jets of the spray send the creature to the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. DRILL-HEAD (The green slime is seeping freely out of the grill at the base of number two output pipe. STAHLMAN, his gloves off, stares at the substances and then runs his hair covered hands through it before wiping it on his face. He cries out in a primordial type scream...) PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: No! (He falls to the ground, screaming and roaring.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (His calls are carried through the tannoy. A distraught PETRA shouts at the loudspeaker...) PETRA WILLIAMS: Professor Stahlman! Please! What's happening! What's going on in there?! SIR KEITH GOLD: Why don't you raise the heat shield? GREG SUTTON: Because he's locked it down on manuals from the inside! [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. DRILL-HEAD (STAHLMAN, like his counterpart in the other world, has transformed into a full Primord. He stands and looks towards the heat shield.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (As per the DOCTOR'S advice, LIZ has fixed the computer and looks over the ticker-tape print out it churns out. The final countdown to penetration zero has started.) GREG SUTTON: What does the thing say now? COUNTDOWN VOICE: Zero minus two minutes, fifty seconds... LIZ: The Doctor's right! It advises us to stop the drilling at once! (LIZ, PETRA, the BRIGADIER and PETRA all look at SIR KEITH for guidance.) COUNTDOWN VOICE: ...robot ... now operational. GREG SUTTON: Why don't you give the order, Sir Keith? SIR KEITH GOLD: Oh, I can't. The order to close down must come from the Professor. I have no authority to intervene. COUNTDOWN VOICE: Zero minus two minutes, forty seconds... (The DOCTOR has made his way back to central control. He calls out to the group from the entrance.) DOCTOR: Where's Stahlman? LIZ: He's locked himself in there! COUNTDOWN VOICE: ... now to final build up. DOCTOR: Good, then stop this infernal drilling. (They don't move.) DOCTOR: Well, what are you waiting for?! COUNTDOWN VOICE: Zero minus two minutes, thirty seconds... DOCTOR: Stop this drilling and start filling up that shaft! COUNTDOWN VOICE: ... final ... SIR KEITH GOLD: The data from the computer isn't conclusive, Doctor, nor is Stahlman's behaviour. We have no proof of an emergency situation. (The heat shield starts to rise. They all turn to look at it.) COUNTDOWN VOICE: Zero minus two minutes, twenty seconds. Heat control shields now on stand-by. (STAHLMAN'S legs are revealed as the heat shield rises further. The hairy clenching hands are observed next and finally all the proof SIR KEITH needs is provided when the animal that once was STAHLMAN lunges growling into the room. PETRA screams and all including the technicians fall back. The BRIGADIER pulls out his pistol. COUNTDOWN VOICE: Zero minus two minutes... DOCTOR: Stahlman, get back! COUNTDOWN VOICE: ...ten seconds. (The DOCTOR reaches for a fire extinguisher.) DOCTOR: Sutton, the fire extinguishers! (STAHLMAN brings a chair crashing down on the DOCTOR'S back as the BRIGADIER fires. The DOCTOR is unharmed.) DOCTOR: Fire! (The two men both fire at STAHLMAN. He writhes under the combined fire of the jets and falls to the floor.) COUNTDOWN VOICE: Zero minus two minutes, zero seconds and counting. Condition red-three now commences. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: That's Stahlman? SIR KEITH GOLD: What's happened to him? DOCTOR: Petra, the drill - close it down. COUNTDOWN VOICE: Zero minus one minute... (PETRA runs for a console, followed by the DOCTOR, SIR KEITH and GREG.) SIR KEITH GOLD: Cut off the nuclear power! COUNTDOWN VOICE: ...fifty seconds. PETRA WILLIAMS: But the drill will disintegrate! COUNTDOWN VOICE: Final re-check - all monitoring circuits. GREG SUTTON: All the better! (PETRA reaches her console and shouts out instructions...) PETRA WILLIAMS: Prepare for emergency shutdown! (A series of countdown voices report in from other sections over the tannoy system...) FIRST SHUTDOWN VOICE: Section one standing by. COUNTDOWN VOICE: Zero minus one minute... SECOND SHUTDOWN VOICE: Section two standing by. COUNTDOWN VOICE: ...forty seconds. THIRD SHUTDOWN VOICE: Section three standing by. COUNTDOWN VOICE: Technical personnel at final stations. DOCTOR: Hurry, hurry! PETRA WILLIAMS: Shutdown...now! (She flicks a switch.) FIRST SHUTDOWN VOICE: Section one - shutdown. COUNTDOWN VOICE: Zero minus one minute, thirty seconds. SECOND SHUTDOWN VOICE: Section two - shutdown. COUNTDOWN VOICE: Final power build-up now completed. THIRD SHUTDOWN VOICE: Section three - shutdown. Shutdown completed. (The noise from the drill continues to reach them.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: But it's still going on! COUNTDOWN VOICE: Zero minus one minute, twenty seconds. DOCTOR: (To GREG.) That's the buffer controls at the drill-head - come on! COUNTDOWN VOICE: Non-technical staff to safety positions. (The DOCTOR and GREG run into the drill-head.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Buffer controls? SIR KEITH GOLD: Oh, they it slow down by stages. It'll keep going for at least five minutes. [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. DRILL-HEAD (Within the drill-head area, one of the wall units has been ripped out and the wires hang loosely.) COUNTDOWN VOICE: Zero minus one minute, ten seconds. GREG SUTTON: The server switches are smashed! COUNTDOWN VOICE: All systems check for final countdown. GREG SUTTON: Is there anything you can do? DOCTOR: I can only try. (The DOCTOR takes a screwdriver out of his pocket and starts to work on the unit.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL (Within central control, the BRIGADIER, LIZ, PETRA and SIR KEITH look tensely towards the drill-head area.) COUNTDOWN VOICE: Zero minus one minute, zero seconds and counting. Final countdown commences now. [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. DRILL-HEAD (The DOCTOR frantically rewires the unit.) COUNTDOWN VOICE: Zero minus... [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL COUNTDOWN VOICE: ...fifty seconds. Stand by. (The two men walk out of the drill-head.) COUNTDOWN VOICE: Attention...attention...countdown drilling stopped at minus thirty-five seconds. All systems are ... (The rest of the announcement is drowned out by cries of relief from all in the room. The DOCTOR and GREG smile at each other as LIZ runs over and hugs the DOCTOR and GREG and PETRA do the same.) DOCTOR: Sir Keith, I think you'd better give orders...for that shaft to be filled in straight away. SIR KEITH GOLD: Indeed, I will. (He moves off. The DOCTOR, LIZ and the BRIGADIER look down at the dead STAHLMAN.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I'll send for a stretcher party. [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE (The emergency over, the DOCTOR and LIZ both work at the TARDIS console.) DOCTOR: "Shine on, Martian moons, up in the sky!" Join in. Liz, come on. (LIZ has been quietly singing herself but she stops when there is a hammering on the door in order to open it with the sonic screwdriver.) DOCTOR: "Shine on, shine on, Martian moon..." (The BRIGADIER and SIR KEITH enter.) SIR KEITH GOLD: Sorry to disturb you, Doctor. I just popped in to say goodbye. DOCTOR: Oh, are you leaving, Sir Keith? SIR KEITH GOLD: Everyone is. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Word came through this morning. This project is being officially abandoned. DOCTOR: Well, I'm not sorry to hear that. Well, what about the nuclear reactor? SIR KEITH GOLD: They're dismantling it tomorrow. DOCTOR: Oh, but there's time for me to use it just once more, I hope? SIR KEITH GOLD: Oh, yes, of course, with pleasure. It's the least we can do. DOCTOR: Thank you, Sir Keith. By the way, how's Sutton and Miss Williams? SIR KEITH GOLD: Oh, they've left already. LIZ: Together? SIR KEITH GOLD: Well, I believe he is driving her to London in his car. (They laugh gently.) DOCTOR: Nothing like a nice happy ending, is there? SIR KEITH GOLD: No. Well, er, goodbye, Doctor. DOCTOR: Goodbye, Sir Keith. (They shake hands.) SIR KEITH GOLD: Goodbye, Miss Shaw. LIZ: Bye bye, Sir Keith. (They too shake hands and LIZ re-opens the door for SIR KEITH. The BRIGADIER shows him out but the DOCTOR thinks he is going too.) DOCTOR: Goodbye, Brigadier. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Oh, there's quite a lot of mopping up to do. I shall be around for quite a while yet. DOCTOR: Oh ho, pity! Well, come on, Liz. If we've got to link up to that nuclear reactor, we'd better get a move on. LIZ: Now, just a moment, Doctor... BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Doctor, you're not still tinkering with this machine after all the trouble it's caused us? DOCTOR: (Angrily.) The trouble it's caused you?! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Doctor, if you hadn't chosen such a crucial moment to disappear, this whole business might have been cleared up a great deal sooner! LIZ: Well, he did try to warn everybody, Brigadier. DOCTOR: And a fat lot of notice you all took! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: So, you went gallivanting off in a fit of pique! DOCTOR: Brigadier, there are times when you strongly remind me of your other self! I shall leave at once. (He crosses to the power unit and starts to switch it on.) LIZ: In the TARDIS console? DOCTOR: Naturally. LIZ: Oh, but Doctor, you can't! (The DOCTOR crosses back to the console and starts to switch that on.) DOCTOR: With the work that we did today, the TARDIS console is now fully operational. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: We seem to have heard that before. (The DOCTOR poises before operating the console.) DOCTOR: Goodbye, Liz. I shall miss you, my dear. But I've had about all I can stand of this pompous self-opinionated idiot here! (The BRIGADIER'S mouth drops but before he can say anything, the DOCTOR and the console disappear. LIZ turns on the BRIGADIER.) LIZ: Now see what you've done! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, I didn't know he'd go off like that. The man's so infernally touchy. LIZ: Well, I shall be most interested to see how you get on without him, Brigadier. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: May I remind you, Miss Shaw, that you're still a serving member of UNIT? I don't entirely care for your tone. LIZ: I don't much care for yours either! No wonder the Doctor cleared off. (There is an embarrassed cough from the doorway. The DOCTOR is stood there, his immaculate coat and trousers covered in stains.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Welcome back! LIZ: Where did you go? DOCTOR: A few seconds forward in time...and a few hundred yards due east in space. (LIZ thinks...) LIZ: The rubbish tip? DOCTOR: (Ruefully.) The rubbish tip. LIZ: (Laughs.) Oh, dear! (The DOCTOR goes up to the BRIGADIER with a sheepish look on his face.) DOCTOR: Erm, Brigadier, my dear fellah, I wonder whether I could borrow a couple of your stalwart chaps to give me a hand in bringing the TARDIS back? It's landed in rather an inaccessible position. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: "Pompous, self-opinionated idiot" I believe you said, Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes, well we...we don't want to bear a grudge for a few hasty words, do we? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Mmm. (The DOCTOR pats him on the back and leads him to the door.) DOCTOR: No, not after all the years that we've worked together. Now come long, my dear fellah, put on a smile! Just remember... (LIZ bursts into laughter as they go.)

The Doctor is back in his own universe and must stop Stahlman before his earth suffers the same fate as the parallel one.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_05x18

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_05x18_0

THE ENEMY OF THE WORLD by DAVID WHITAKER first broadcast - 30th December 1967 running time - 23mins 48secs [SCENE_BREAK] 1. KENT'S OFFICE (The door to the office opens and the DOCTOR enters... But he has changed into a suit like the one SALAMANDER was wearing on the video. His hair is now almost perfectly combed. It is almost impossible to see that it wasn't the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: (In an attempt at SALAMANDER's accent.) Hello Bruce, what are you doing here, eh? BRUCE: (Surprised.) I was under the impression you were in the Central European Zone, Leader. DOCTOR: That's what you were meant to believe. BRUCE: Why? DOCTOR: (With mock anger.) I do not care to be questioned by my own security! BRUCE: Well that's just it. How can I possibly maintain security when you behave like this? I'm at least entitled to know your movements. DOCTOR: You have a policeman's mind, Bruce. BRUCE: That may be! Only a few days ago you questioned me about this man and his activities. And we agreed that he was dangerous! Now, I find you in his office. DOCTOR: Sometimes I like to deal with matters in my own way. BRUCE: They're not holding you here? DOCTOR: (Mock surprised.) Holding me? BRUCE: Under some threat or other. DOCTOR: No one threatens Salamander! BRUCE: I still think I deserve an explanation, Leader. DOCTOR: Yes, of course, you shall have it. But not now. When I return from the Central European Zone. BRUCE: Very well. (He turns to ASTRID.) BRUCE: Now what about the dead man found in your bungalow. He was one of your lot, wasn't he? ASTRID: Yes. Um, he was trying to protect me. The other two wanted to kill me. BRUCE: (Doesn't believe it for a moment.) Now why should they want to do that to a nice young girl like you? ASTRID: Well I... KENT: Obviously they thought I was there. BRUCE: You? KENT: Yes, Bruce, just like you a lot of people don't like me. BRUCE: (Snaps.) Don't get clever with me, Kent! I've a good mind to... DOCTOR: I am prepared to accept his story. BRUCE: Well I'm not! DOCTOR: That's interesting, but not important. I accept it! That's all that matters. BRUCE: It's beginning to look as if these people are working for you now. Is that right? (The DOCTOR has had enough of this.) DOCTOR: You still dare to question me! They have information! I shall get it! I will see you on my return. Now leave me! (BRUCE turns to JAMIE with a "Sizing Up" look.) BRUCE: McCrimmon, you said? JAMIE: Aye. BRUCE: Well you just watch your step, that's all. (BRUCE storms out.) JAMIE: I never said a word. DOCTOR: (Back in his usual voice.) Must be the way you look, Jamie. VICTORIA: You were splendid, Doctor. DOCTOR: Thank you. ASTRID: That was a dangerous game to play. KENT: It paid off. All right, are you with us? DOCTOR: (Puzzled.) I don't know where you stand, Mr Kent. But you and this Salamander are obviously on opposite sides. That at least is clear. But which side is good? Which side is bad? And why should I interfere? ASTRID: Well you're the only man who can help save the world. VICTORIA: But isn't that what Salamander's trying to do? ASTRID: Don't you understand? Salamander... DOCTOR: Just a moment. Jamie, you're unusually quiet, what do you think? JAMIE: Well to save the world, aye, well it sounds grand, but... Oh, we couldn't turn our back on a challenge like this Doctor. Well, at least I know you wouldn't. VICTORIA: We don't know anything about these people. JAMIE: Astrid saved our lives. She was wounded because of it. VICTORIA: Oh but Jamie, you don't think... JAMIE: Look, she was... KENT: Look we're right about Salamander! It won't take you long to find out for yourselves. DOCTOR: How do you propose we do that? JAMIE: He'll be well guarded for a start. VICTORIA: We can hardly steal into his study and go through his papers. DOCTOR: That man, Bruce, said that he was in the Central European Zone. VICTORIA: It's a long way from Australia. ASTRID: It's only two hours by rocket. KENT: You could leave almost at once. DOCTOR: Oh, what then? ASTRID: I've had a plan for infiltrating into Salamander's inner circle for some time. Well I could adapt it for your two friends. KENT: I can arrange three travel warrants and visas. Everything you need. JAMIE: Just three? KENT: Well one for Astrid, one for you and ah... (Looking at VICTORIA.) VICTORIA: Victoria. KENT: Of course. (This causes the Doctor to look up.) DOCTOR: Oh that's very clever of you. How can you do that? I thought you said you had no official position? ASTRID: We have a contact there. DOCTOR: He must be a very important person. ASTRID: He is. Denes, Controller of the Zone. DOCTOR: Oh, I see. What about me? KENT: I think we better have a look at Salamander's research station at Kanowa. DOCTOR: Yes. Ah, yes, but from a safe distance of course. [SCENE_BREAK] 2. BENIK'S OFFICE, RESEARCH STATION (This is the office of the Controller of the Research Station. However BENIK is very high up in SALAMANDER's office. BRUCE storms into the office and BENIK looks up from his desk.) BENIK: What is all this? I'll just give you a couple of minutes. I have a meeting. BRUCE: This is important, Benik! BENIK: I hope so! Well? BRUCE: Salamander's left you in control of the research station? BENIK: Yes. BRUCE: Did he go on the rocket for the Central European Zone? BENIK: Yes. BRUCE: Did you see him go aboard? BENIK: Hasn't been an accident, has there? BRUCE: Did you see the rocket take off? BENIK: (Sarcastically.) Do you mean, did I stand there waving my handkerchief? Hardly, I had too much to do. BRUCE: You're not a very funny man, Benik! Not to me. Now answer me! Did you actually see him leave? BENIK: What is all this? BRUCE: I've just driven straight here from having spoken to Salamander. Not two hundred miles away. BENIK: (Stands up with surprise.) That's impossible! BRUCE: I don't lie! Even to someone like you. He was with Giles Kent. BENIK: But he hates Kent. BRUCE: Exactly. BENIK: Kent wasn't holding him by force, was he? BRUCE: No, I thought of that. Salamander... was a wee bit odd, I admit. Not quite his usual self, but he was perfectly in control. All he had to do was bat an eyelid and I'd have knocked off everyone in sight. BENIK: Oh, well I don't understand it. BRUCE: Now Salamander suggested that he was on his way to the Central European Zone. Now you're in radio contact with him. I want you to talk to him, make sure that Kent hasn't got some hold over him that... we don't know about. BENIK: He instructed me not to bother him until the conference was over. BRUCE: (Sharply.) Well, I'm countermanding that instruction! BENIK: I'm telling you, Bruce, he won't answer! Not till the conference is over. It's too important. BRUCE: How long will it last? BENIK: How should I know!? They last three hours usually. BRUCE: All right, that'll have to do. Let me have a report as soon as you've spoken to him. Is that clear? Is that clear!? BENIK: Yes. (BRUCE leaves the room. BENIK waits until he is sure that BRUCE is out of hearing and then turns to the Communicator on his desk.) BENIK: Yes. I want a direct channel link to Leader Salamander, Ariel TLXKZ. Notify me as soon as he is able to accept transmission. That's all. [SCENE_BREAK] 3. ROOM, CONTROLLER HOUSE, CENTRAL EUROPEAN ZONE (In here, the Controller of the Zone, DENES, is talking with SALAMANDER. The look on DENES face is a look of horror. SALAMANDER is pointing some places of the Zone on a big map. Also here is FEDORIN, DENES's second in command.) DENES: This is dreadful news, Salamander. I still can't believe it. FEDORIN: Terrible, terrible. SALAMANDER: I don't say it will happen. I say it can happen. Your Zone is in danger, Denes. Here, here and here. FEDORIN: We've had no trouble for years in those mountains. SALAMANDER: You don't imagine I make it up? FEDORIN: No, no, of course not. DENES: Those volcanoes have been dead since sixteenth century. Fedorin is right to doubt. SALAMANDER: A volcano is a strange thing, my friend. I tell you the truth. It's like a man in the hot sun, sleeping... still... lifeless. Then boom! He wakes full of energy! I know volcanoes. DENES: Isn't there a possibility of a... miscalculation for a few degrees. SALAMANDER: I'm never wrong. Every one of my predictions has been accurate. DENES: Yes. You're record is good. I don't deny that. SALAMANDER: You are too kind. (Now sharply.) Now will you listen to me! (The Communicator set starts to beep. FARIAH, a big West Indian girl come into the room.) FARIAH: Leader, the communications... SALAMANDER: I know! I know! I told you I was not to be disturbed! FARIAH: Yes, Leader. SALAMANDER: No, wait! No, wait Fariah, ah? You like some refreshment, perhaps? FEDORIN: Thank you. DENES: No, no, not for me. (He moves towards the door.) SALAMANDER: You're going so soon? DENES: I must consult my scientific advisors. SALAMANDER: You still don't believe me? DENES: I believe you sufficiently to want to... have your information checked. Before I alarm my people unnecessarily. SALAMANDER: Your scientists won't help you. They don't know. They are amateurs. DENES: No, Salamander, they are not amateurs. They are very clever men dedicated to their work. But they are men, capable of human error like anybody else. SALAMANDER: Do what you wish. Captain! (A Guard marches into the room.) CAPTAIN: Sir! SALAMANDER: Controller Denes is leaving. CAPTAIN: Yes, sir. (The CAPTAIN blocks the way to the door so that DENES can't leave.) SALAMANDER: You will soon see that I am right. Oh, you will stay, ah? Have a drink. We have a great deal to talk about, you and I. Fariah, see to him. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. GARDEN, CENTRAL EUROPEAN ZONE (The Garden is full of flowers and benches. We see JAMIE and VICTORIA who sit down on one of benches.) JAMIE: Are you sure this is the right one? VICTORIA: I'm not sure of anything after that rocket. But Astrid said it was the third bench on the south walk of the large gardens. Well here it is, I counted. JAMIE: Here we are. (ASTRID arrives with some things for JAMIE.) ASTRID: It's all arranged. Salamander is in residence in the President's Palace. (ASTRID gives JAMIE a card.) JAMIE: What's the card? ASTRID: That'll get you through the front gate. Find the terrace facing west. VICTORIA: Good luck Jamie. ASTRID: Yes, keep your wits about you. JAMIE: Right. [SCENE_BREAK] 5. ASTRID/KENT'S OFFICE (ASTRID is talking into the communicator.) ASTRID: Hello... Hello! Australasian Zone... how much longer? Look, don't talk to me about sun spots. What? Well, the Central European Zone. Please don't worry about procedure, this is urgent. Connect me! [SCENE_BREAK] 6. CARAVAN (A small Caravan, which is like an office and a bedroom, because there is a small bed and the whole room is filled with papers. The Communicator on the small table bleeps.) KENT: That might be her now. Yes. ASTRID: (OOV.) Hello, Giles? This is me, Astrid. KENT: Right lets have it. What's happening? ASTRID: (OOV.) Everything's gone fine so far. KENT: Speak up, we can't hear you very well. [SCENE_BREAK] 7. ASTRID/KENT'S OFFICE ASTRID: Oh, it's these spots. [SCENE_BREAK] 8. CARAVAN KENT: Oh, she's having spot trouble. DOCTOR: Oh yes. KENT: Right, how is the plan working so far? [SCENE_BREAK] 9. ASTRID/KENT'S OFFICE ASTRID: It's gone fine. And the rocket arrived right on time in Hungary. And Jamie's got his entrance pass and has started phase one. KENT: (OOV.) Do you think the boy can handle it? ASTRID: Well I hope so. My goodness they're a pretty odd lot though, aren't they? [SCENE_BREAK] 10. CARAVAN KENT: Well actually the Doctor's with me right now. ASTRID: (OOV.) Oh, I am sorry. Oh I know... I'm sure they'll be fine. KENT: What news of Denes? We must keep him posted as to what is happening. ASTRID: (OOV.) It's all right, we've contacted and we've arranged to meet. KENT: Be careful, he's pretty well known. ASTRID: (OOV.) Oh, don't worry. We've ar... I suggested that we meet under a disused jetty by the river. (The DOCTOR looks up at this.) DOCTOR: Disused Yeti? KENT: No, no, no. Jetty, jetty! (Back into the communicator.) Ah, anything else to tell us? [SCENE_BREAK] 11. ASTRID/KENT'S OFFICE ASTRID: No, if the plan goes through, I'll try and contact you again. KENT: (OOV.) Right. Goodbye, good luck. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. CARAVAN DOCTOR: Good luck, Astrid. Jamie and Victoria will look after you. KENT: Astrid, are you there? We're... She's gone. And I'm not surprised after that last remark. DOCTOR: Well I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] 13. EAST TERRACE (FARIAH and FEDORIN were talking. FARIAH pours a drink for FEDORIN.) FEDORIN: Why don't you sit down? FARIAH: No! FEDORIN: Why not? FARIAH: I have never sat here. FEDORIN: Salamander won't mind. FARIAH: I would never sit down here. FEDORIN: If you don't like him why do you work for him? FARIAH: He has a way of persuading people. FEDORIN: Yes I could imagine that. FARIAH: (With feeling.) Brujo! FEDORIN: What? If only I knew what he wanted to talk to me about. Would you know? FARIAH: Salamander talks to many people. Some only once. FEDORIN: Well I shall know soon enough I suppose. What exactly do you do here? FARIAH: I serve. FEDORIN: Yes, but you're obviously not an ordinary servant. FARIAH: No, I'm not. FEDORIN: What then? FARIAH: Would you like some more refreshments? FEDORIN: No... I'll get it myself. (He pours again.) FEDORIN: Oh that's good. FARIAH: Is it? I'm very glad to hear that. FEDORIN: What? FARIAH: I'm Salamander's food taster. FEDORIN: Does he need one? FARIAH: There have been many attempts to poison him. FEDORIN: Dangerous job. FARIAH: Um. That's why it's very nice to have help for a change. FEDORIN: (Staring at the glass in horror.) You mean... You mean you haven't...? FARIAH: No. I didn't have time. Still taste good, nothing bitter? FEDORIN: (Checking himself.) N... No. I... I don't think so. FARIAH: You would know by now, I think. FEDORIN: Oh... Oh, you... You had me worried for a moment. But what on earth made you take a job as a food taster? (SALAMANDER enters from the room out onto the terrace.) SALAMANDER: She was hungry. Only thing is, now she has all the food she needs, she has lost her appetite. (To FARIAH, sharpish.) Give me a drink! FEDORIN: You are well protected. (While FARIAH pours SALAMANDER a drink...) SALAMANDER: Um. (...a young officer rushes out onto the terrace aiming a lethal-looking gun straight at the terrified Deputy. FEDORIN backs away and collided with the table. SALAMANDER laughs at FEDORIN.) SALAMANDER: Very well protected. Be calm. Sit down, drink your drink. (At that moment, JAMIE appears, clambering stealthily over the stone parapet at the end of the terrace behind the guard.) FEDORIN: (Seeing JAMIE.) Ah! Gua... (JAMIE fells the guard with a single chop to the neck and scoops up the rifle as he lands. SALAMANDER is now being covered with the gun. FARIAH drops her tray of drinks.) JAMIE: Thank you for calling the guard. I was wondering what to do about him. (SALMANDER's hand begins reaching for the intercom on the table behind him.) JAMIE: Now don't move for that box! Not if you value your life. Now all of you, back over there! That's it. Not as well protected as you think you are, eh? Now when I say duck... Duck, get down! (JAMIE picks up the intercom and throws it over the parapet. Immediately a huge explosion rocks the terrace and a huge orange fireball roars into the air. JAMIE sees ASTRID through the gaps of the parapet as she runs for cover. Then as the others recover, he puts the gun on the table and three guards appear and cover him with their guns.) SALAMANDER: (To the guards.) Look at this! What do you do boys, eh? Read? Sleep? It's a fine thing. Here we have an attempt to destroy me and where are you? It's not so good, boys. It's not so good. (Regarding JAMIE.) I'm watching you. Look after him. Better still get rid of him. What's all this about. Eh? JAMIE: I heard two men talking. They said they'd planted a bomb of some kind in your radio telephone. I tried to warn them at the gates, but they wouldn't pay any attention. SALAMANDER: So you break in? How you break in? JAMIE: Well I'm here on holiday with a friend. She's very pretty, so the guard didn't see me slip past him. SALAMANDER: Why didn't you call out and warn me? I nearly used the radio telephone several times. JAMIE: Ah you'd have had me shot, most like. SALAMANDER: Why do you risk your skin to save me? JAMIE: Well without you the Earth hasn't much of a chance, has it? SALAMANDER: You like to work for me, eh? You like that? JAMIE: Oh no, you don't have to do that. I mean, you owe me nothing. SALAMANDER: You're quite right, boy. JAMIE: And I'm on holiday. SALAMANDER: You won't find what I pay you disappointing. JAMIE: Aye, there's my girlfriend too though. SALAMANDER: Oh we might be able to find something for her. Eh Fariah? FARIAH: Yes, your chief could use an assistant. SALAMANDER: See to it. What do you say, eh? JAMIE: Well I'll give it a go. But I'll say this though, your security system's rotten. There'll have to be changes. SALAMANDER: Oh what a boy, ah? Fariah, see he gets some proper uniform instead of this skirt. (JAMIE, not being watched so closely now, makes a face at word "skirt.".) SALAMANDER: And bring him and his girlfriend to see me. FARIAH: (To JAMIE.) Come along then. (JAMIE, FARIAH and the three guards walk off through the terrace doors.) FEDORIN: What an extraordinary young man. SALAMANDER: I prize loyalty very highly, my friend. And I repay it very generously. Like I do the girl Fariah, eh. FEDORIN: Can I... Can I ask you something? SALAMANDER: What is it? FEDORIN: What does "Brujo" mean? SALAMANDER: It's a word we use in Mexico... for sorcerer. Why? FEDORIN: Nothing... nothing. SALAMANDER: You stay for dinner, eh? (Slight laugh.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. GARDEN, CENTRAL EUROPEAN ZONE (VICTORIA is still sitting on the bench. ASTRID appears a little later and sits down at the other end of the bench, reading a newspaper. JAMIE finally appears, whistling a small tune.) ASTRID: Here comes Jamie. JAMIE: Everything's fine. VICTORIA: Oh good. ASTRID: Careful, you might have been followed. JAMIE: Oh don't worry, they think I've saved his life. Hey, he's offered me a job... (To VICTORIA.) To you as well. VICTORIA: That's perfect. ASTRID: Well done, Jamie. JAMIE: Well it was nothing. All right at your end? ASTRID: Yes. But it was nothing. VICTORIA: Jamie. Jamie! (She finally gets JAMIE's attention.) JAMIE: What? VICTORIA: Does he look like the Doctor? JAMIE: Aye, it's so uncanny. ASTRID: Careful. (ASTRID has spotted FARIAH and a guard approaching them from the entrance of the palace. ASTRID picks up her newspaper and walks off.) JAMIE: What's the matter? VICTORIA: What is it? (JAMIE spots FARIAH and the guard approaching.) JAMIE: She must have eyes in the back of her head. (Raising his voice so that FARIAH and the guard can overhear him as they arrive.) JAMIE: ...so he's offered the both of us a job. VICTORIA: Oh, good. CAPTAIN: Who was that? JAMIE: Who? CAPTAIN: The other girl who was sitting there? FARIAH: (To the CAPTAIN.) Why don't you leave them alone? Do you have to treat everyone as if they're criminals? CAPTAIN: He had no right to leave the Presidential Palace. FARIAH: He had every right! He came to fetch his girlfriend. Salamander ordered it. CAPTAIN: I didn't hear Salamander order it. FARIAH: Very well, go and ask him. (The CAPTAIN's face gives FARIAH her answer.) FARIAH: No? Perhaps you're wise. He would follow me. (To VICTORIA as the CAPTAIN walks off.) I am Fariah, how do you do? JAMIE: This is Victoria. VICTORIA: Hello. FARIAH: Hello. Jamie tells me you're studying the arts of the kitchen. JAMIE: Aye, she's a great dishwasher. VICTORIA: I like eating, and I'm hungry. FARIAH: Then let's see if we can't find you something to do. You can work with me if you like. VICTORIA: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] 15. MARINA JETTY (Here, ASTRID waits for a new arrival beneath the jetty. She hears footsteps and she loads her gun. However she lowers it when DENES appears.) DENES: I used to love to do this sort of thing when I was a boy. ASTRID: I'm sorry. It was the safest place I could think of. DENES: Oh, it's all right. I'm still fit enough. ASTRID: Thank you for getting me the necessary documents. DENES: Have you been successful? ASTRID: So far. Salamander's swallowed it. DENES: I thought he would. ASTRID: The boy's very confident. The girl, not so much. DENES: See, the point is that I'm near enough to him to pick out something. This was the first time I met Salamander. I must say that you were right about him, Astrid. We must get rid of him. He must be stopped. ASTRID: He will be stopped! I'm returning to Giles Kent. Can you wait till we can take action? DENES: Oh, with a bit of luck, yes. ASTRID: Fedorin, can you trust him? (Booted footsteps can be heard on the actual jetty.) ASTRID: Oh, I've been followed. I thought I'd thrown them off. (ASTRID pulls her gun out again, and aims it at the guard that was still walking on the top of the jetty, but DENES pulls her arm down.) DENES: No! There is enough violence as it is. Besides, Salamander mustn't get suspicious. You kill his men and he will begin to think. GUARD: You understand that strangers are to be picked up. There's been an attempt on Salamander's life. Very well, return to your patrol. ASTRID: It's all right. Fedorin, would he betray you in some way? DENES: I'm trying to think of some reason why he should. [SCENE_BREAK] 16. ROOM, CONTROLLER HOUSE, CENTRAL EUROPEAN ZONE (As darkness falls, SALAMANDER and FEDORIN sit alone in the lofty, ornate salon leading off the East Terrace. FEDORIN is drinking more and more and is protesting his innocence, while SALAMANDER has revealed that he possesses cast-iron proof that FEDORIN had been involved in elaborate interzonal fraud.) FEDORIN: But these are all lies, Salamander. Lies, I assure you. SALAMANDER: So you say. FEDORIN: What are you going to do? My family... my friends. SALAMANDER: (Laughs.) My dear man. (Laughs.) My dear Fedorin. You don't suppose I intend to make your swindling public, eh? This is... this just an insurance, um. Sit down, forget it. I tell you what I'm going to do for you. FEDORIN: (Shocked.) What? SALAMANDER: You are going to replace Denes as controller of this Zone. But, don't say anything. I'll know you'll accept. FEDORIN: What do you want? SALAMANDER: I'll tell you. There will be disaster in this Zone. I cannot stop the disaster, but I can come to the aid of this Zone when it's happened. FEDORIN: And take over? I see. The Zone would be yours! SALAMANDER: Oh ours, Fedorin, ours. It's a partnership I'm offering you. Either you have half of everything, or you have nothing. FEDORIN: But there's Alexander Denes. SALAMANDER: Oh yes, the popular, well beloved Denes. What a pity. FEDORIN: Pity? SALAMANDER: Oh didn't I tell you, Denes is going to die. Mysteriously... an assassin... terrible. FEDORIN: I can't do that! You can't ask me! SALAMANDER: I think I can ask you to do anything I want. (The ground starts to shake and eruptions can be heard. SALAMANDER now has to shout to make himself heard, as both men move out onto the terrace.) SALAMANDER: My predictions are accurate! The entire Eperjes-Tokaj Ranges are in eruption! Fedorin, come and look. It's very pretty. The history of Hungary is about to be rewritten! [SCENE_BREAK] 17. CENTRAL EUROPEAN ZONE (We see footage of eruptions and volcanoes.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18. TERRACE (As the two men watch, BRUCE and two of his policemen stride onto the terrace.) BRUCE: Salamander. SALAMANDER: What are you doing here, Bruce? BRUCE: I had a report there was trouble here, an attempt on your life. SALAMANDER: It was nothing. Come and look. [SCENE_BREAK] 19. CENTRAL EUROPEAN ZONE (More eruptions as BRUCE watches.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20. EAST TERRACE BRUCE: Terrible. Those poor people. (There is shouting as DENES storms out onto the terrace.) DENES: Salamander! What have you done? SALAMANDER: I warned you! DENES: You couldn't have known! You've done this somehow yourself! SALAMANDER: The man is mad! Worse still he is incompetent! I warned this man that this zone was in danger of natural disaster and he did nothing! Issued no cautions to the public. You deliberately allowed your people to suffer and die! You're a traitor! (Out of fury, DENES grabs SALAMANDER.) DENES: You're a traitor! You contrived this for your own ends. SALAMANDER: (Wrenching free and turning to BRUCE.) Bruce, I order you to arrest this man. DENES: But this is nonsense. Fedorin, you were here. You know this is nonsense. SALAMANDER: Denes you are too naive. At your trial, Fedorin will be the chief witness against you! (DENES is angry, FEDORIN looks totally lost, BRUCE is puzzled with the whole thing, and SALAMANDER looks totally triumphant...)

Jamie and Victoria agree to accompany Astrid to Hungary to observe Salamander's activities.

fd_FRIENDS_01x18

fd_FRIENDS_01x18_0

Originally written by Jeffrey Astrof and Mike Sikowitz. . Transcribed by Dan Silverstein. Special thanks to Nancy Brown, who pointed out that 'crudites' is not French. :) [The whole gang is helping Rachel mail out resumes while whistling the theme from The Bridge on the River Kwai.] Ross: Uh, Rach, we're running low on resumes over here. Monica: Do you really want a job with Popular Mechanics? Chandler: Well, if you're gonna work for mechanics, those are the ones to work for. Rachel: Hey, look, you guys, I'm going for anything here, OK? I cannot be a waitress anymore, I mean it. I'm sick of the lousy tips, I'm sick of being called 'Excuse me...' Ross: Rach, did you proofread these? Rachel: Uh... yeah, why? Ross: Uh, nothing, I'm sure they'll be impressed with your excellent compuper skills. Rachel: [upset] Oh my Goood! Oh, do you think it's on all of them? Joey: Oh no, I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few. Credits [Scene: Central Perk. Ross and Chandler are sitting at a table. Rachel is working. Monica and Phoebe enter.] Monica: Hey, guys. Chandler, Ross: Hey. Rachel: Hey... hi, ladies... uh, can I get you anything? [to Monica, quietly]: Did you bring the mail? Monica: Lots of responses. Rachel: [to Monica]: Really? [out loud]: Sure, we have scones left! [to Monica]: OK, read them to me. Phoebe: [reading]: Dear Ms. Green, thank you for your inquiry, however... oh... [crumples up letter] Rachel: [out loud]: We have apple cinnamon... Monica: [reading]: OK... Dear Ms. Green... yeah... yeah... yeah... No. [crumpes up letter] Phoebe: Wow! Rachel: What? Phoebe: [reading]: Your Visa bill is huge! Rachel: [grabs the bill] Give me that! [Camera cuts to Chandler and Ross at table.] Chandler: You know, I can't believe you. Linda is so great! Why won't you go out with her again? Ross: I don't know. Chandler: Is this still about her whole 'The Flintstones could've really happened' thing? Ross: No, it's not just that. It's just--I want someone who... who does something for me, y'know? Who gets my heart pounding, who... who makes me, uh... [begins to stare lovingly at Rachel] Chandler: ...little playthings with yarn? Ross: What? Chandler: Could you want her more? Ross: Who? Chandler: [sarcastically] Dee, the sarcastic sister from Whats Happening. Ross: Look, I am totally, totally over her, OK, I just... [Rachel comes over, Ross lays head on table]: Hiiii! Rachel: Hi! How are you? Ross: We're fine, we're fine. Rachel: OK. [walks away] [Ross keeps staring at her, head on table. Chandler smacks him with a newspaper. Joey enters, Ross and Chandler laugh at him.] Joey: Shut up! Chandler: We're not--we're not saying anything. Phoebe: What? Ross: Uhhhh... Joey cried last night. Joey: Thank you. Chandler: [to the girls] We were playing poker, alright... Joey: There was chocolate on the three. It looked like an eight, alright? Ross: Oh, guys, you should've seen him. 'Read 'em and weep.' Chandler: And then he did. Rachel: Well, now, how come you guys have never played poker with us? Phoebe: Yeah, what is that? Like, some kind of guy thing? Like, some kind of sexist guy thing? Like it's poker, so only guys can play? Ross: No, women are welcome to play. Phoebe: Oh, OK, so then what is it? Some kind of... you know, like, like... some kind of, y'know, like... alright, what is it? Chandler: There just don't happen to be any women in our games. Joey: Yeah, we just don't happen to know any women that know how to play poker. GIRLS: Oh, yeah, right. Monica: Oh, please, that is such a lame excuse! Rachel: Really. Monica: I mean, that's a typical guy response. Ross: Excuse me, do any of you know how to play? GIRLS: No. Rachel: But you could teach us. GUYS: No. [Scene: Monica's apartment. The guys are teaching the girls how to play poker.] Chandler: [teaching] OK, so now we draw cards. Monica: So I wouldn't need any, right? Cause I have a straight. Rachel: Oh, good for you! Phoebe: Congratulations! [Microwave timer goes off. Monica gets up.] Chandler: OK Phoebs, how many do you want? Phoebe: OK, I just need two... the, um, ten of spades and the six of clubs. Ross: No. No, uh, Phoebs? You can't--you can't do-- Rachel: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here! [gives it to Phoebe] Ross: No, no. Uh... no, see, uh, you-you can't do that. Rachel: Oh, no no no no no no, that's OK, I don't need them. I'm going for fours. Ross: Oh, you're... [gives up] [Monica comes back to the table with plates of food.] Monica: Alright, here we go. We've got salmon roulettes and assorted crudites. Phoebe, Rachel: OOooooo! Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Monica, what're you doin'? This is a poker game. You can't serve food with more than one syllable. It's gotta be like chips, or dip, or pretz--[look of realization] Chandler: [changing subject] OK, so at this point, the dealer-- Monica: Alright, you know, we got it, we got it. Let's play for real. High stakes... big bucks... Ross: Alright, now, you sure? Phoebe just threw away two jacks because they didn't look happy... Phoebe: But... I'm ready, so, just deal. Chandler: OK, alright, last minute lesson, last minute lesson. [holds up two cards] Joey... three... eight. Eight... three. [Joey is unamused] Alright babe, deal the cards. [Time lapse.] Monica: [throws down her cards] Dammit, dammit, dammit! Phoebe: [to Joey]: Oh I see, so then, you were lying. Joey: About what? Phoebe: About how good your cards were. Joey: Heh... I was bluffing. Phoebe: A-ha! And... what is bluffing? Is it not another word for... lying? Rachel: OK, sorry to break up this party, but I've got resumes to fax before work tomorrow... [gets up to leave] GUYS: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Chandler: Rach, Rach, we gotta settle. Rachel: Settle what? Chandler: The... Jamestown colony of Virginia. You see, King George is giving us the land, so... Ross: The game, Rachel, the game. You owe us money for the game. Rachel: Oh. Right. Joey: You know what, you guys? It's their first time, why don't we just forget about the money, alright? Monica: Hell no, we'll pay! Phoebe: OK, Monica? I had another answer all ready. Monica: And you know what? We want a rematch. Ross: Well that's fine with me. Could use the money. Rachel: [to Ross]: So basically, you get your ya-yas by taking money from all of your friends. Ross: [pause]...Yeah. Chandler: Yes, and I get my ya-yas from Ikea. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less. Ross: Look, Rachel, this is poker. I play to win, alright? In order for me to win, other people have to lose. So if you're gonna play poker with me, don't expect me to be a 'nice guy,' OK? Cause once those cards are dealt... [claps hands three times] Joey: [pause]...Yeah? Ross: I'm not a nice guy. [Scene: Ross' apartment. Chandler and Joey are there. Ross enters with a pizza.] Ross: Alright boys, let's eat. Chandler: Oh, did you get that from the 'I Love Rachel' pizzeria? Ross: You still on that? Chandler: Oh, come on. What was with that whole Black Bart speech? [mimicking]: When I play poker, I'm not a nice guy! Ross: You are way off, pal. Joey: No, I don't think so, see Ross, because I think you love her. Ross: Um.... no. See, I might've had feelings for her at one time--not any more. I just--I-- [Marcel makes a screeching noise in background.] Ross: Marcel! Where are you going with that disc? [Marcel puts a CD in the player.] Ross: You are not putting that on again! Marcel, OK--if you press that button, you are in very, very big trouble. ['The Lion Sleeps Tonight' starts to play. Marcel starts to dance.] [Scene: Monica's apartment. Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe are there.] Rachel: [opening mail] Can you believe what a jerk Ross was being? Monica: Yeah, I know. He can get really competitive. Phoebe: Ha. Ha, ha. Monica: What? Phoebe: Oh, hello, kettle? This is Monica. You're black. Monica: Please! I am not as bad as Ross. Rachel: Oh, I beg to differ. The Pictionary incident? Monica: That was not an incident! I-I was gesturing, a-and the plate slipped out of my hand. Rachel: Oooooh. [reads letter] [surprised]: Oh! I got an interview! I got an interview! Monica: You're kidding! Where? Where? Rachel: [in disbelief]: Sak's... Fifth... Avenue. Monica: Oh, Rachel! Phoebe: Oh, it's like the mother ship is calling you home. Monica: Well, what's the job? Rachel: Assistant buyer. Oh! I would be shopping... for a living! [Knock on door.] Monica: OK, look. That is Aunt Iris. This woman has been playing poker since she was five. You gotta listen to every word she says. [opens door] Hi! IRIS: Is Tony Randall dead? Rachel: No. Monica: I don't think so. Rachel: Why? IRIS: Well, he may be now, because I think I hit him with my car. Monica: What? Rachel: Oh my God! Monica: Really? IRIS: No! That's bluffing. Lesson number one. [walks into kitchen] Let me tell you something... everything you hear at a poker game is pure crap. [to Phoebe]: Nice earrings. Phoebe: Thank y-- [thinks about it] IRIS: Girls, sit down. Monica: Uh, Aunt Iris? This is Phoebe, and that's Rachel... IRIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, listen, I am parked at a meter. Let's do it. [Scene: Ross's apartment, everyone but Rachel is seated around his table. The Lion Sleep Tonight plays in the background.] Phoebe: Ross, could we please, please, please listen to anything else? Ross: Alright. [Ross shuts off the CD player. Marcel runs into the bedroom and slams the door.] Ross: I'm gonna pay for that tonight. [Knock on door. Ross opens it. Rachel enters.] Rachel: Hi! Ross: Hey. Rachel: Guys! Guess what, guess what, guess what, guess what! Chandler: Um, ok... the... the fifth dentist caved and now they're all recommending Trident? Rachel: Noooo... the interview! She loved me! She absolutely loved me. We talked for like two and a half hours, we have the same taste in clothes, and--oh, I went to camp with her cousin... and, oh, the job is perfect. I can do this. I can do this well! ALL: That's great! That's wonderful! Rachel: Oh God, oh, and then she told the funniest story-- Monica: OK, great. You'll tell us and we'll laugh. Let's play poker. Joey: Alright now listen, you guys, we talked about it, and if you don't want to play, we completely understand. Chandler: Oh yes, yes, we could play some other game... like, uh, I don't know... Pictionary? [The guys all duck under the table.] Monica: Ha, ha, very funny, very funny. But I think we'd like to give poker another try. Shall we, ladies? Phoebe/Rachel: Yes, we should. I think we should. Ross: Uh, Rach, do you want me to shuffle those? Rachel: No, no, thats OK. Y'know, I think I'm gonna give it a go. Ross: Alright. Rachel: Alright... [shuffles cards expertly, all the guys stare in amazement] COMMERCIAL [Time lapse.] Ross: So, Phoebs owes $7.50, Monica, you owe $10, and Rachel, you owe fifteen big ones. Joey: But hey, thanks for teachin' us Cross-Eyed Mary. You guys, we gotta play that at our regular game. Phoebe: Alright, here's my $7.50. [hands them the money] But I think you should know that this money is cursed. Joey: What? Phoebe: Oh, I cursed it. So now bad things will happen to he who spends it. Chandler: That's alright, I'll take it. Bad things happen to me anyway. This way I can break 'em up with a movie. Ross: Well, that just leaves the big Green poker machine, who owes fifteen... Rachel: Mmm-hmmm. Oh, so typical. Ooo, I'm a man. Ooo, I have a pen1s. Ooo, I have to win money to exert my power over women. [hands over her money] Monica: You know what? This is not over. We will play you again, and we will win, and you will lose, and you will beg, and we will laugh, and we will take every last dime you have, and you will hate yourselves forever. Rachel: Hmm. Kinda stepped on my point there, Mon. [Scene: Monica's apartment, everyone is there ready for another poker game.] Ross: So, you gals wanna hand over your money now? That way, we don't have to go through the formality of actually playing. Rachel: Ooooh, that's fine. We'll see who has the last laugh there, monkey boy. Monica: OK, we done with the chit-chat? Are we ready to play some serious poker? Phoebe: [holding a card and waving it in front of her face] Hey you guys, look, the one-eyed jack follows me wherever I go. [they look at her] Right, OK, serious poker. [Ross gets up from the table.] Monica: Excuse me, where are you going? Ross: Uh... to the bathroom. Monica: Do you want to go to the bathroom, or do you wanna play poker? Ross: I want to go to the bathroom. [exits] Joey: Alright, well, I'm gonna order a pizza. [gets up] Rachel: Oh no no no no no, I'm still waiting to hear from that job and the store closes at nine, so you can eat then. Joey: That's fine. I'll just have a Tic-Tac to hold me over. Monica: Alright, Cincinnati, no blinds, everybody ante. [deals cards] Phoebe: [looks at her cards] Yes! [everyone looks at her] .... or no. [Ross comes back from bathroom.] Ross: Alright. [to Rachel]: Your money's mine, Green. Rachel: Your fly is open, Geller. [he checks it, and zips up] [Time lapse.] Phoebe: You guys, you know what I just realized? 'Joker' is 'poker' with a 'J.' Coincidence? Chandler: Hey, that's... that's 'joincidence' with a 'C'! Joey: Uh... Phoebe? Phoebe? Phoebe: Yeah. Um... I'm out. [throws in cards] Rachel: I'm in. Monica: Me too. Joey: Me too. Alright, whattaya got. Ross: Well, you better hop outta the shower, cause... I gotta flush. [lays down cards] Rachel: Well, well, well, hop back in bucko, cause I got four sixes! [lays down cards] I won! I actually won! Oh my God! Y'know what? [collects chips] I think I'm gonna make a little Ross pile. [holds up a chip] I think that one was Ross's, and I think--oh--that one was Ross's. Yes! [starts singing]: Well, I have got your money, and you'll never see it... [Ross stands up.] [SCENE_BREAK] Rachel: And your fly's still open... [Ross looks down.] Rachel: Ha, I made you look.... [Time lapse.] Rachel: I couldn't be inner. Monica? Phoebe: Monica, in or out? Monica: [slams down cards] I hate this game! [Joey slides a plate away from Monica towards Chandler, who hides it under the table.] Phoebe: OK Joey, your bet. Joey: Ahhh, I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face. [the girls look at him, confused] Oh, I'm out. Phoebe: Ross? Ross: Oh, I am very in. Phoebe: Chandler? Chandler: Couldn't be more out. [throws in cards] Phoebe: Me too. Rachel. Rachel: Uh, I will see you... and I'll raise you. [throws chips in pot] What do you say... want to waste another buck? Ross: No, not this time. [he folds] So... what'd you have? Rachel: I'm not telling. [collects chips] Ross: Come on, show them to me. [reaches for her cards, Rachel covers them up] Rachel: No..! Ross: Show them to me! Rachel: Get your hands out of there! No! Ross: Let me see! Show them! Chandler: Y'know, I've had dates like this. Rachel: [deals new hand] Boy, you really can't stand to lose, can you? Your whole face is getting red... little veins popping out on your temple... Phoebe: Plus that shirt doesn't really match those pants. [Ross is visibly upset.] Ross: First of all, I'm not losing... Rachel: Oh, you are losing. Definitely losing. [phone rings] Ross: Let's not talk about losing. Just deal the-- Rachel: [answering phone] Hel-lo, Rachel Green. Ross: [mimicking Rachel] Mee mee, mee-mee mee. Rachel: [on phone]: Excuse me. [covers up phone; to Ross]: It's about the job. [Rachel walks into kitchen to talk on the phone.] Rachel: Barbara! Hi, how are you? [pause] Uh-huh. [pause] No, I understand. Yeah. Oh, oh, come on, no, I'm fine. Don't be silly. Yeah... oh, but you know, if-if anything else opens up, plea--Hello? Hello? [hangs up phone, very depressed] [Rachel goes back and sits down. The rest don't know what to say.] Monica: Sorry, Rach. Phoebe: Y'know, there's gonna be lots of other stuff. Rachel: Yeah...[sigh]....OK. Where were we? Oh, OK... five card draw, uh... jacks or better... nothing wild, everybody ante. Joey: Look, Rachel, we don't have to do this. Rachel: Yes, we do. [pause] Monica: Alright, check. Joey: Check. Ross: I'm in for fifty cents. [throws it in] Chandler: Call. Phoebe: I'm in. Rachel: I see your fifty cents... and I raise you... five dollars. [throws it in] Ross: I thought, uh... it was a fifty cent limit. Rachel: Well, I just lost a job, and I'd like to raise the bet five bucks. Does anybody have a problem with that? [Everyone says no and folds, except for Ross, who thinks about it.] Rachel: [to Ross]: Loser? [Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe back their chairs away from the table.] Ross: No, I fold. [lays cards down, and gets up] Rachel: What do you mean, you fold? Hey, come on! What is this? I thought that 'once the cards were dealt, I'm not a nice guy.' I mean, what, were you just full of it? [Ross thinks it over, finally sits down and picks up his cards.] Ross: I'm in. [throws in chips] Rachel: How many you want? Ross: One. [Rachel gives him the card.] Rachel: Dealer takes two. [she deals herself two cards] What do you bet? Ross: I bet two dollars. [throws it in] Rachel: OK... see your two... and I raise you twenty. [throws it in] Ross: I see your twenty, raise you twenty-five. [throws it in] [The other four look amazed at the large pot.] Rachel: See your twenty-five...and...uh, Monica, get my purse. [Monica gets up, looks in Rachel's purse.] Monica: Rachel, there's nothing in it. Rachel: OK, then get me your purse. [Monica gets Rachel her purse.] Monica: OK, here you go. Good luck. Rachel: [to Monica]: Thank you. [to Ross]: I saw your twenty-five, and I raise you... seven. Phoebe: ...teen! [throws in a ten-dollar bill] [Ross looks in his wallet, pulls out two dollars.] Ross: [to Joey]: Joey, I'm a little shy. Joey: That's OK, Ross, you can ask me. What? [Ross looks at Joey, dumbfounded at his stupidity.] Chandler: [to Ross]: What do you need, what do you need? Ross: Fifteen. Chandler: Alright, here's ten. [gives it to him] Joey: Here, I got five, I got five. [Ross takes the money] Ross: Thank you. Chandler: Good luck. Ross: [to Rachel]: OK, I am calling your seventeen. What do you got? [Long pause as they both look at each other.] Rachel: [lays down cards] Full house. [Ross stares at her. Thinks about it. Puts cards on table, face down.] Ross: You got me. [Monica and Phoebe get up and start celebrating in the kitchen, pouring wine and singing. Rachel, shocked, goes to join them.] Joey: [to Ross]: Ahhh, that's alright. Y'know, that's a tough hand to beat. Chandler: [to Ross]: I thought we had them! Ross: Oh, well, when you don't have the cards, you don't have the cards, you know. [looks at Rachel] But, uh... look how happy she is. [smiles] [Chandler and Joey look at her, and then look back at him. They dive for Ross's hand to see what he had, and he tries to stop them from looking.] COMMERCIAL CLOSING CREDITS [Scene: All six are playing Pictionary at Monica's apartment. Monica is drawing a picture, and the three guys are guessing. She draws what looks like an airplane.] Chandler: Airplane! Airport! Airport '75! Airport '77! Airport '79! [Timer goes off.] Rachel: Oh, time's up. Monica: [pointing at the drawing, upset] Bye... bye... BIRDIE. Joey: Oh! Phoebe: That's a bird? [Monica glares at Phoebe.] Phoebe: That's a bird! [Monica sits, Rachel gets up.] Rachel: OK, OK, it's my turn. [reads the answer] Chandler: Go. [Rachel starts drawing what looks like a bean.] Ross: Uh.... bean! Bean! [Rachel begins tapping the picture of the bean frantically.] Joey: [triumphantly] The Unbearable Likeness of Being! Rachel: Yes! Monica: That, you get? That, you get? [Monica picks up a glass to take a drink, everyone ducks as though she was about to throw it.]

Tired of customers referring to her as "Excuse me," Rachel applies for jobs in the fashion industry. She is excited to land an interview at Saks Fifth Avenue as an assistant buyer but does not get the job. Ross's normally docile demeanor disappears when the girls face the boys during a not-so-friendly poker game. Monica later seeks help from her aunt who is an expert player.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_05x12

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_05x12_0

[Mystic Falls' Square] (Elena rejoins Matt) Elena: Guess who! Matt: Hmm. I wonder. Elena Gilbert? Elena: Yep Matt: You're in a good mood Elena: Well, it's a good day. We're alive Matt: Yes, we are, and we are partying tonight Elena: Yes, we are Matt: So what did you want to talk to me about? Elena: Are you still drinking Vervain? Matt: No. I wear this bracelet in case anyone needs my blood, remember? Elena: This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you Matt: What are you doing? I need that Elena: Long story short-- I'm Katherine, not Elena Matt: Katherine's dead Elena/Katherine: Not exactly. While you guys were all playing drinking games, toasting to what a horrible person I am, I was plotting a way to passenger myself into Elena's cute, little head Matt: Oh, my God Elena/Katherine: Anyway, I need a crash course on all things Elena Gilbert. She's in college now, all grown up, and I figured who knows her better than her compellable best friend? So what do you think? How's my dress? It screams safe and predictable. Am I right, or am I right? Matt: I'm not doing this (Nadia rejoins them) Nadia: Just compel him already Elena/Katherine: Take the fun right out of it, why don't you? Play along with my secret, Matty pants. Would Elena wear this outfit to a party? Matt: No to the dress, yes to the shoes Elena/Katherine: Now let's talk honestly about the red thing that's happening in my hair Matt: So you're dead and, what, hitching a ride in her brain? Elena/Katherine: For now until I make it permanent Matt: Permanent? How? Elena/Katherine: Hello! The hair. Why did she dye it? Matt: I don't know. She did it in New York right after she shut her humanity off Elena/Katherine: But her humanity's back now. Perfect. It's gone. Ok. What's Jeremy's birthday? Matt: October 13 Elena/Katherine: When's Elena's birthday? Matt: June 22 Elena/Katherine: What's my address? Matt: 2104 maple street, but you burnt your house down Elena/Katherine: I know, that was a trick question. Good job! Who do I like better... Bonnie or Caroline? Please say Caroline Matt: You love them both equally Elena/Katherine: Well, that's a shocker. Ok. I just have one last question. It's very important because I'm going to need it later. How exactly did Elena Gilbert break up with you? Earlier that day [A Hotel Room] Nadia: Mia said she needs your corpse Katherine/Elena: My corpse? Could travelers be any creepier? Nadia: Be nice. Without Mia, you wouldn't be alive or inside Elena's body right now Katherine/Elena: I know. I'd be dead in my corpse, a corpse that some traveler says that they need. You see how that's creepy? Nadia: Do you want to be in control of Elena's body or not? Katherine/Elena: Look. I get it, ok? We have no idea when Elena's consciousness is gonna pop out. Now you want to tell me what you're doing over there? Nadia: Get on the bed. Just in case Elena decides to show up while I'm out getting your body Katherine/Elena: So I'm just gonna be stuck in a hotel room, bound to a bed while Damon Salvatore's leaving me voicemails? Remind me again how this is better than being dead Nadia: Because once Mia does her spell, Elena will be gone forever, and this body will be yours for good [Salvatore's House] (Damon enters. Stefan's here) Stefan: Where you been? Damon: Just out Stefan: Define out Damon: One who hovers and sticks his nose in other people's business. Oh. I'm sorry. I was defining annoying Stefan: That's funny Damon: Katherine's rotting corpse was stinking up the house. I got rid of it Stefan: Could be a bit of a problem Damon: Oh? And why is that? (Nadia's here) Nadia: Because I'm here for Katherine's body Damon: You're out of luck. You ain't getting it Nadia: My mother asked to be buried with her family in Bulgaria Damon: And nothing gives me greater joy than to deny her dying wish Stefan: Damon, who cares? Katherine's dead. Just give her the damn body Damon: Bitch ruined our lives. Nadia's known her, what, 5 minutes? Nadia: Tell me where she is Damon: The nicest thing that Katherine Pierce will ever do is feeding the maggots that feast on her flesh. Give it up. You're not getting her back [Lockwood's Mansion] (Matt rejoins Tyler) Matt: Have you seen my phone? Ty! Have you seen my phone? I'm late for work, dude Tyler: Look at you, captain responsible. Here. Join me for breakfast Matt: No. You know, I'm good, seeing it's, uh, 7:42 Tyler: Aye, aye, Captain Matt: Ok. So you gonna tell me what happened in New Orleans? Tyler: Well, there were witches, gumbo, a few originals. Look. It doesn't matter because it's over, in the past. No more drama. I'm starting fresh Matt: Ok, then. We're celebrating. I'm throwing you a welcome back party Tyler: Wait. What? No Matt: Yeah. So clean this place up and invite some people and, uh, shower because you stink [Whitmore College] (Caroline is cleaning the dorm room when Aaron enters) Caroline: It's open! Aaron: Are you cleaning the fireplace? Caroline: Yeah. Well, you know, all those carcinogens. Heh. I'm stress cleaning. I'm stressed, so I'm cleaning. Boy drama. Not that you care Aaron: I'm here for Elena, but clearly she's not here. I'll... I'll come back later Caroline: Well, I can give her a message Aaron: Uh, yeah, can you just tell her that Wes isn't gonna be a problem anymore? I mean, my family's trust came through, and I was able to cut off Augustine's funding Caroline: So no more vampire experiments? Aaron: Yeah, that's over. And can you just tell her that I'm sorry, I'm really sorry for everything? Caroline: I will (Aaron goes back in his room. Enzo enters) Enzo: Aaron Whitmore. Just the man I've been looking for Aaron: Enzo [Salvatore's House] (Stefan is in the basement. On the phone) Stefan: Hey. I need a favor. You know how Damon was trying to be all noble and broke up with Elena? Caroline: Of course. There was champagne Stefan: Yeah. Well, I kind of convinced him he was an idiot Caroline: You what?! Stefan: And now he's in a bit of a mood, and something tells me that he's been trying to get ahold of Elena, but she hasn't been returning his phone calls Caroline: Look. I would love to help if I thought he was actually good for her, but I don't Stefan: Caroline, how would you liked to be judged solely based on who you're attracted to? Come on Caroline: Why? Do you know something? Stefan: Why? Should I know something? Caroline: I just mean are you sure that this is what you really want, you know, Elena and Damon or Damon and Elena, or... I know that there's a nickname in there somewhere Stefan: Listen. I actually think that Elena is good for Damon. She makes him happy, and we all know that when Damon is happy... Caroline: He's not out there killing people, which I guess is a plus for mankind Stefan: Exactly Caroline: But even if I wanted to help, she's not here. I thought that she was with you Stefan: She told me she was staying at Whitmore Caroline: Ok. That's weird. Well, where the hell is she? [A Motel Room] (The phone rings) Katherine/Elena: Does that thing ever shut up? (Elena's consciousness comes forth) Elena: Where am I? What's going on? Oh, my God. Katherine Nadia: Hello, Elena Elena: You! You put Katherine inside of me instead of you (Nadia summons Katherine) Elena/Katherine: What happened? Nadia: Elena Gilbert happened Elena/Katherine: Wonderful. She's fighting. It's only a matter of time before she comes out again. Did you get my body? [Mystic Grill] (Damon and Stefan are playing pool) Damon: Oh, come on. Katherine is exactly where she's always belonged. I'm not giving the body back. Quit giving me that damn pouty face Stefan: I'm not giving you the pouty face. This is my "you're being a dick" face. Elena hasn't called you back. It's making you completely miserable Damon: Yeah. I'm completely miserable. It's your fault, telling me to get her back Stefan: No. You're miserable because you did what you always do. You had a problem, and instead of dealing with it, you cut ties and you ran Damon: You're enjoying this a little too much (Caroline rejoins them) Caroline: Ok. So Bonnie took Jeremy to go visit her mom, and neither of them have talked to Elena Damon: Who invited you? Scram Stefan: I invited her. Caroline agreed to help you get Elena back Damon: You? You hate me. You once told me that calling me Satan was an insult to Satan Caroline: Well...Nobody's perfect Damon: This is what it's come to? You brought me love advice from prudy Trudy Caroline: I can be unpredictable and incredibly reckless Damon: What's going on here? Are you guys baby-sitting me? Stefan: We're just hanging out, chatting Damon: I don't need this, and I don't need your help Stefan: Well, I guess you better try Elena again [A Motel Room] Katherine: Ugh. Seriously, I have never met a group of needier people. It's not bad enough that Damon's trying to win me back. I'm also getting "where are you?" "I'm worried about you." "Call me." "Are you going to Tyler's party?" It's a wonder that this thing still has a battery Nadia: They're getting suspicious Katherine: Yeah Nadia: We need to find your body Katherine: Stefan texted and asked if I was going to Tyler's party. Maybe I do go, convince everyone that Elena is alive and well, and I casually ask him where Damon buried me Nadia: No. No way. You said it yourself. It's just a matter of time until Elena shows up again Katherine: So then come with me. Shove her back in if that happens Nadia: This is not the right place for you to be, around all her friends Katherine: I've impersonated Elena a million times. I can mimic everything about her Nadia: This is different. You're not impersonating Elena. You are Elena. When is her birthday? What grade did her and Caroline meet? Where did she kiss Stefan for the first time? Katherine: I'm gonna have to brush up on a few fun facts, and I know exactly who can help us [Lockwood's Mansion] (Matt and Tyler are outside) Tyler: You know, you still own my house Matt: Yeah, legally. It's not like I pay the bills Tyler: Yeah, but it means you'll have to invite certain people in tonight, people like Elena, Stefan... Matt: Is that your lame way of asking if invited Caroline? Tyler: Pretty much Matt: Yeah, she's coming. So when you say you're starting over, you're basically saying you want Caroline back Tyler: Just get the cups, ok? (He takes a keg and enters the house. Matt's phone rings. He answers) Matt: Elena, hey Katherine/Elena: Hi, Matty! Matt: Matty? Katherine/Elena: Matt. I mean, Matt, I was, um, hoping that you could help me with something [Mystic Falls' Square] (Katherine/Elena rejoins Matt) Katherine/Elena: Guess who! Matt: Hmm. I wonder [Salvatore's House] (Damon enters and finds Enzo in his living room) Damon: Enzo Enzo: Hello, Damon. Ahh. We have a bit of business to attend to Damon: Missed a spot Enzo: Ooh! Oh. I love a good fire. Oh! That's ironic, isn't it, you know, since you left me to burn alive in one? Damon: Didn't we already do this? You tried to make me feel guilty, I saved your life, we're even. What's in the bag? Enzo: More like who. Ah. Since you and I last spoke, I've done a bit of soul-searching, had a trip to the barber, and did a little research, which revealed to me that you killed almost every member of the Whitmore family in the years since your escape, leaving just one alive each time to carry on the family name, producing a whole new generation of victims for you to slaughter exactly as you said you'd do back when you and I were cellmates Damon: Well, you know me .I like to keep my promises Enzo: And it's occurred to me that perhaps I wrote you off too quickly, that, in fact, the Damon Salvatore I remember is alive and well, and I have a present for him Damon: You brought me Aaron Whitmore... Alive Enzo: He's the last of the Whitmore clan. You remember this Vervain wristwatch? Dr. Whitmore never took it off, even when he was rooting around in our chest cavities. Fitting Aaron should die wearing it, too. So...Do you want to kill him, or shall I? [Lockwood's Mansion] (The party is in full force. Katherine/Elena arrives but she can't enter) Katherine/Elena: Matt! Eh! Matt: Elena, hey. Come in Katherine/Elena: Thank you. Well, that wasn't awkward at all Matt: Right. Sorry about that Katherine/Elena: It's ok. Go find some blond to hit on Matt: All right. I'm gonna go make the rounds. You need anything? Katherine/Elena: I'm good, thanks (She sees Stefan) (She rejoins Stefan) Stefan: Elena, you're alive Katherine/Elena: Of course I'm alive. Wow! Stefan Salvatore is drinking beer out of a cup. Do you want me to show you where Tyler keeps the bourbon? Stefan: No. I'm trying to stay off the hard stuff. Hey. So... Where have you been? Caroline was about to send out a search party for you Katherine/Elena: Around, thinking, processing, trying to figure out how to deal with this whole Damon thing Stefan: Hmm. You know he made a mistake, right? He wants you back Katherine/Elena: Yeah, I know. Hang on. Isn't this a little weird for you? Stefan: It's incredibly weird, but, uh, I know my brother, and I know he's a better person with you than without you Katherine/Elena: So how are you? How are you dealing with the whole Katherine dying thing? Stefan: I'm ok Katherine/Elena: Stefan, you don't have to hide your feelings Stefan: No. Honestly, I'm ok. You know, we had a thing, it ended, and she died, and I'm fine Katherine/Elena: You knew her for, like, 150 years. You're not even a little heartbroken? I mean, even I feel a little bad. You know, maybe we should give her, like, a funeral or something Stefan: A funeral? Katherine/Elena: Where's she buried? I should at least drop off flowers or something Stefan: I have no idea. Damon said he put her where she was always meant to be Katherine/Elena: Classic Damon [SCENE_BREAK] [Salvatore's House] Enzo: As much as I've enjoyed your quality bourbon, I feel confident our next drink will taste better with the sound of young Aaron's dying screams ringing in our ears and the knowledge that your final act of revenge will have brought us both closure and a new beginning Damon: I'm just curious. Do you ask all of your friends to prove their loyalty by killing someone over drinks? Enzo: His grandfather slit our eyes open with a scalpel. You've taken out everyone else in the Whitmore family. I thought you'd want this Damon: Would you believe he's a friend of a friend? Enzo: No, because that would force me to believe that you've gone soft when you and I both know that your very first impulse when I presented him to you was to rip out his throat. Surely my old friend's still in there someplace. End this for both of us (Damon's phone rings. He answers) Damon: Really bad timing, blondie. I'm dealing with a blast from the past Caroline: Then deal with it quickly and get your ass over to Tyler's. Elena's here (He hangs up) Enzo: Looks like he's coming round. It's time to make a decision, Damon. Do you want to kill him, or shall I? Damon: I hate deadlines Aaron: Well, I didn't see that one coming Damon: I can't kill you. Long story Aaron: Because Elena would hate you for it. That's why you can't kill me Damon: Go back to college and pack up your entire life. There's one highway that heads out of town. Take it north till you hit ice. Don't ever come back [Lockwood's Mansion] (Katherine/Elena is outside and Nadia rejoins her) Nadia: How domestic of you Katherine/Elena: Apparently Elena would do this sort of stuff. I'm actually starting to feel sorry for her Nadia: Did you find out where your body is or not? Katherine/Elena: Stefan said Damon put me somewhere I was always meant to be Nadia: A riddle Katherine/Elena: For 145 years, Damon thought I was in a tomb underneath the old church, and, boy, was he $ disappointed when I wasn't there Nadia: Well, let's hope you are this time Katherine/Elena: Right Nadia: Now say your good-byes. We can't have anyone following us (Katherine/Elena is inside. Caroline rejoins her) Caroline: There you are! I've been calling and texting Katherine/Elena: Sorry. My phone died. Um, what did you want to talk about? Caroline: I did a bad thing Katherine/Elena: I'm sure it wasn't that bad Caroline: You don't even know what it is. Elena, stop. This is really important Katherine/Elena: Ok. I'm sorry. Tell me. What happened? Caroline: What would you say if I told you that when a certain awful person was in town I ran into him in the woods and sort of kissed him? He was there, and he obviously wanted to kiss me, so I thought, "oh! We'll just make out," but then it felt really good to kiss him, so then I kind of totally had s*x with him, but I swear I didn't plan to do it, and now I feel terrible Katherine/Elena: And the person we're talking about is... Caroline: Klaus Katherine/Elena: Oh, wow! That... that... wow! Really? Caroline: Would I make something like this up? And that is why I need you to tell me what an awful person I am Katherine/Elena: Actually, you're one of the least awful people I know. So tell me. How was it, you know, compared to Tyler? Caroline: Elena Gilbert! Katherine/Elena: Caroline Forbes! Come on. Spill the beans Caroline: I am... Katherine/Elena: Now that you've slept with Klaus, I mean, how was it? Caroline: I am so not answering that Katherine/Elena: Oh, you so are.Oh, my God [The Tomb] (Katherine/Elena and Nadia rejoin Mia) Mia: Took you long enough Katherine/Elena: I was pretending to care. It was very time-consuming Nadia: Let's get it over with Mia: In order to seal Katherine's spirit inside Elena's body, I'll need some of your blood. Then... Katherine/Elena: You mutilate my body. Lovely Mia: Travelers don't have access to traditional magic, so we improvise. Now shut up. I have to concentrate (Elena reappears) Elena: So, um, what's happening now? Mia: Katherine, if you want to say good-bye to Elena forever, I need silence Nadia: Are you ok? Elena: Save your daughterly concern. I'm fine [Lockwood's Mansion] (Caroline rejoins Tyler) Tyler: Get out Caroline: Just let me explain Tyler: No. Let me. Klaus killed thousands of people... Elena's aunt, an entire pack of hybrids, my friends. Caroline... He killed my mom! Caroline: I know, I know. I am so sorry Tyler: Just stop. I walked out last time. Now it's your turn. Go Caroline: No Tyler: Don't take another step, Caroline Caroline: If you would just... Tyler: I said leave! (Stefan intervenes) Stefan: You're drunk Tyler: Get your hands off me Stefan: What's the matter with you? Tyler: Oh, you don't know? She screwed Klaus. Exactly Stefan: You know, drunk or not, she doesn't deserve that [The Tomb] Nadia: You never told me where you wanted to go Elena: Where I wanted to go? Nadia: Once we complete the spell. Where should we start our world tour? Mia: Let me finish. Just a few more seconds, and then I'm done Nadia: Elena Elena: What was that? I couldn't quite hear you [Lockwood's Mansion] (Damon arrives but can't enter) Damon: Donovan, you in here? [The Crypt] Nadia: Mia. Mia Mia: Are you ok? Nadia: Just finish the spell [The Woods] (Elena tries to use her cellphone) Elena: What? No. No, no, no. You've got to be kidding me. No, no, no. Katherine, get out of my head! No! No! Aah! Aah! [Lockwood's Mansion] (Elena comes out of the woods and sees Damon. She rushes towards him) Elena: Damon! Damon, thank God Damon: What's wrong? [The Tomb] Mia: It's done [Lockwood's Mansion] Damon: Elena? Hey. Say something, please Katherine/Elena: I've been looking everywhere for you. We need to talk Damon: Yeah, I want to talk, too. The message thingies on your phone, that's all me in case you deleted them and didn't listen to them Katherine/Elena: I listened to every word Damon: Then you know how bad I screwed up. I wussed out, Elena. I bailed because I was convinced I'd ruin you Katherine/Elena: That's not what this is about, Damon Damon: No. I know. Just hear me out, just hear me out. You are literally the best person I've ever known, and for me to think that I could change you gives me way too much credit and you not nearly enough. You are the best influence on me. I need you. You are the good, and I need a little good in my life... Because without it, there's an awful lot of darkness Katherine/Elena: That's a lot of pressure, Damon Damon: I know, Elena Katherine/Elena: No. No. It's my turn now. I love that I make you a better person, I love that I make you happy, but I don't want to be the only thing that you live for. I don't want to worry about what's gonna happen every time we get into a fight or if we break up again or who you're gonna take it out on Damon: What... what are you talking about? Katherine/Elena: I know what you did to Katherine, Damon. She was weak and dying, and you still tortured her Damon: How is this about Katherine? Katherine/Elena: It's not, ok? It's about you. It's about you, about the person that I can't change and the person that you really are. That person was right to let me go. I'm sorry, Damon, but it's over. We're over (She leaves) Stefan: Damon Damon: Come on. Deep down, you got to be enjoying this a little bit (The party is over and everyone is leaving. Matt rejoins Tyler) Matt: Hey Tyler: You know what I realized tonight? This is a big-ass house. I live in a fricking mansion. My parents are dead, the girl I love slept with my nemesis, and I have absolutely no idea what I'm gonna do with the rest of my life, which... get this... lasts forever... But I got a big-ass house Matt: Why don't we get out of it for a while, you know, just go somewhere, be anywhere but here? Tyler: Klaus put me through hell in New Orleans, Matt. He crushed me, and just when I thought it was over, that he couldn't destroy anything else or do anything worse... [The Tomb] Nadia: So that's it? It worked? Mia: Try not to sound so impressed, but, yes, Katherine Pierce has permanent control of Elena Gilbert's body. Now about that payment we discussed (Katherine intervenes and kills her) Nadia: Ugh. Was that necessary? Katherine: No, but she was a loose end, and I hate that Nadia: She gave me the creeps anyway Katherine: Cold, manipulative, good hair. You really are my daughter Nadia: If that's your way of thanking me, save it for the road Katherine: I'm not going anywhere. For the first time in the last 500 years, I'm in the clear. There's no one coming after me. Hell, half the people in this town would probably slit their own throats to protect Elena Gilbert Nadia: And what about me? Katherine: You're a grown woman. You can make your own decisions, but if you want my vote... Stay. Now I'm not saying that I'll ever learn how to be a good mother, but I'll try. I've got all the time in the world to get it right Nadia: I've searched for you for centuries. I'm not leaving now, but we both know you want more than just mother-daughter bonding time Katherine: You're right. I want it all. I want my daughter, I want immortality, and I want Stefan Salvatore. He's my one true love Nadia: Well... I'd hate to be the person standing in your way [Salvatore's House] (Caroline is in the living room. Stefan enters) Stefan: There you are. I've been looking all over for you Caroline: Yeah. Well, I couldn't find a rock big enough to crawl under, so... You're my friend. I need you to just give it to me straight. Am I a horrible person? Stefan: So that's why you came here, huh? All right. Let me ask you something. When you found out about me and Katherine, what was your first thought? Caroline: Honestly, I thought, "eww" Stefan: See? And if you held that against me, you wouldn't be sitting here right now with me, would you? Caroline: Or maybe I came here because I know that you see the best in people Stefan: Ah. All right. Somebody has to say it, so here goes. You ready? Caroline... You are a horrible person, ok? You are... you are thoughtless, you're shallow, you're completely undependable... Caroline: Ha ha ha! Hey! Hey. I am--I am vulnerable. Don't be mean Stefan: You know what? Now that I think about it, I have no idea what Klaus saw in you. What was he thinking? Caroline: Ha ha ha! Shut up! [Middle of Nowhere] (A car arrives. A man is lying on the middle of the road. Aaron gets out of the car. The man is none other than Enzo) Aaron: Hey. You all right? You all right, man? Enzo: Never better. We've been waiting for you. Damon's teaching me a little game. See, he assured me you'd be on this road heading out of town Aaron: You said that you were gonna let me go Damon: I did. I tried Aaron: Does Elena know that you're here? Damon: She's the reason I'm here. No. Scratch that. I'm the reason I'm here Aaron: What do you want, Damon? Damon: I want the same thing you want, Aaron... go back in time, fix the past, get someone back I've lost Aaron: Everyone that I lost is because of you. You know who murdered my entire family? You! Enzo: Justifiably Damon: Either way, I did it. I tore them apart, I liked the sounds they made because I realized they deserved it like you Aaron: Elena was too good for you Damon: I used to think that. Yeah. That I had to be better to deserve her love and she had to be worse to accept mine. I'd lie in the middle of the road, looking up at the stars, having conversations with people like you, trying to convince myself that killing them was a bad instinct and that sparing their lives was the right thing to do Aaron: So what'd you do? Did you kill them? Damon: It doesn't matter. The point is I was conflicted. Right now in this very, very moment, I am crystal clear. See, Elena thinks I'm a monster. You know what? She's right (He kills him) Enzo: Now that's the Damon Salvatore I remember

In order to give Katherine permanent control over Elena's body, Nadia's friend Mia plans to cast a spell for which she needs to use Katherine's corpse. However Damon has already buried it himself, in the tomb where Katherine was supposed to have been buried alive in the 1800s. Katherine compels Matt to give her personal information about Elena so that she can impersonate her at Tyler's welcome home party, and hopefully learn the whereabouts of her corpse. Caroline reveals to Katherine (posing as Elena) that she slept with Klaus, which Tyler overhears and becomes extremely angry and hurt. Enzo brings Aaron Whitmore to Damon, who tells him to complete his killing streak and kill him (just like his parents and grandparents), however Damon declines. Katherine and Nadia are able to find Katherine's corpse, and then complete the spell. Later, Katherine (possessing Elena) breaks up with Damon, which angers Damon and causes him to attack Aaron in the final scene.

fd_Justified_05x11

fd_Justified_05x11_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] [screams] [groans] Raylan: sh1t, Danny. I swear to god, I didn't see it, either. Darryl: That's rich coming from a woman so ashamed of her own son, she don't even admit she got one. [grunting] You need to decide right now. You a Crowe or not? Kendal: Yeah. Raylan: I was dating this social worker, Alison Brander. Kendal went to see her this afternoon ... Art: And now you think they might be coming after her. All right, I'll take care of it. Raylan: Well, I can, uh ... Art: No. I'll handle it myself. We just learned that Boyd Crowder has lost half our shipment. You have to ask yourself a question. Who am I gonna work with? Him, who most certainly's gonna get you killed... or me, who most certainly is gonna get you rich? You got yourself caught between a Detroit rock and a shitkicker hard place. Wynn: I could use some help. So what do you need? Wynn: An assessment. The rock or the shitkicker. You think you got protection from Judith, but you don't mean sh1t to her. [Ava grunts] [grunting] [indistinct shouting in distance] [faucet handles squeak] [indistinct conversations] [alarm blaring] [door closes] [sighs] Ava. Your elbow. [clears throat] Somebody gonna tell us what the hell's going on here? sh1t, Penny, I know you didn't forget the rules. No talking during lockdown. Matter of fact, next one opens her mouth buys a week in the hole. I want to let you know, my loyalty was always to you, Boyd. Boyd: Hm. That little fella give you what you needed? Boyd: As it happens, he did not. Can't help feeling it's a shame, you shelling out money and not getting anything in return. There's got to be something I can do for you. [sighs] [cellphone vibrating] Mr. Duffy. Well, I believe you're right. There are a few things we need to discuss. I assume neither one of us is too keen on doing this over the phone. Fair enough. You want me to bring the coffee? [chuckles] [cellphone beeps] Well, miss Teri, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to bring our evening to a close. I'm gonna need a clear head in the morning. I could help you clear it. Boyd: Oh, darlin'. It's not that I don't appreciate the offer ... truly. There's really nothing that I can give you. Boyd: Well, I wouldn't be opposed to taking one of those cigarettes. Never knew you to be a smoker. Boyd: Well, it's been a long time since I was. But I believe the time has come to start making some changes. Alison: So, the marshals service doesn't believe I'm in danger, but you're moving me anyway? Art: Yep. Alison: Can you elaborate on that a little? Art: Well, could you pick it up a little? Alison: Deal. Art: All right, uh, Raylan and I just thought it might be a good idea if you were looked after. And the service doesn't provide official protection unless there's a specific, credible threat. But you can call this an abundance of caution. Alison: And you swear Raylan's all right. He's not lying dead on a slab somewhere and you're holding back telling me? Art: Yes, ma'am, I swear. It's just that things have heated up between him and... the Crowe family, and we thought that since they came at you once to get to him ... Alison: You two are worried Dan's gonna run me off the road again? [chuckles] Something like that. Alison: You think they'd leave me alone if I told them we Broke up? We did, by the way. Did Raylan tell you that? Art: He might have mentioned something about that. Uh, ma'am, you know, we're only gonna be gone just a couple of days. [clears throat] Alison: He, uh, mentioned what happened to his eye. Art: Did he, now? Alison: Mm-hmm. Told me you did it. Didn't tell me why. Art: [chuckles] Well, is this your way of asking me to tell you why? Alison: Oh, I'm just making conversation. 'Course, if you wanted to tell me, you know, listening is a big part of my job. Art: I'll bet you're good at it. Let me ask you this ... if I were to admit to hitting him... Alison: Mm-hmm. Art: ...could you call it child abuse and take custody of him for me? Alison: [chuckling] I like you. [both chuckle] Art: Here. I'll get that. Alison: Oh. Okay. Art: Yeah. After you. Alison: Oh, thanks. [keys jingle] Yeah, I don't know. I mean ... [sighs] Hold on. Hold on. Um, let's just, uh, age before beauty, okay? [gunshot] Alison: Oh, my god! [panting] Art: All right. I need you to call 911. Jesus. Alison: Oh, my god. Art: You're hit! Alison: [panting] No, I-it's not me. It's you. Oh, god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. [dialing] [both panting] Oh, my god. Oh, god. [title theme] On this lonely road trying to make it home doing it by my lonesome pissed off, who wants some? I'm fighting for my soul god get at your boy you try to bogard fall back, I go hard on this lonely road trying to make it home doing it by my lonesome pissed off, who wants some? I see them long, hard times to come [SCENE_BREAK] West Palm ... that's on the water, right? Raylan: Yes, ma'am. Beaches nearby, warm sun. That'll be good for her ... help with the cabin fever. Raylan: Cabin fever, huh? [sighs] Oh, my god. First six months. Raylan: I guess I didn't think of that. But... makes sense. Her mother's nearby. I suppose, uh, the three of them will meet up and take the stroller through Okeeheelee park. But you don't know. Raylan: No. 'Cause you're not where you're needed. Raylan: Where I'm needed? Where you can do the most good. Raylan: Sorry. I'm... are we still speaking about Winona? Why was he alone, Raylan? [scoffs] Chief Deputy ... no backup? Raylan: He was ... And why weren't you there? Raylan: Now wait ... A good man is in the hospital, and I'm not saying it should be you, Raylan. I ... I just want to know why you weren't where you were supposed to be. Any available radiologist to MRI. Dr. Delvaughn to pathology. Dr. Delvaughn to pathology. [sighs] These back five rows, we're gonna need sealed off, just to let you know. Okay, no problem. Rachel: Leslie Mullen, Dr. Jay Patel. Is he alive? Mrs. Mullen, uh ... Is my husband alive? Yes. He's extremely critical. Um... please, Mrs. Mullen ... my office will give us some privacy. [door closes] Raylan: Is he gonna make it? Tim: He lost a lot of blood. They had to put those antishock compression pants on him ... keep his pressure from bottoming out. Raylan: He conscious? Tim: He went out in the ambulance. Hasn't opened his eyes since. Raylan: I don't suppose he thought to tell the emts who did this to him. What about Alison? She see anything? Tim: She's pretty shook up. Raylan: She see anything or not? Tim: He had her on the floor before she knew there was anything to see. [sighs] Rachel: Let's play this out. [woman speaking on P.A.] Tim: You think it was Darryl Crowe looking for payback? Raylan: What's the alternative? Rachel: Art did shoot Theo Tonin not so long ago. Tim: 30 years after Drew Thompson did that, he was still mad enough to drop bodies about it. Raylan: Well, the good news is, if we want to question Theo, he ain't hard to find. How about Darryl? Rachel: We're looking. KSP went by Audry's. Place was shut down. Raylan: Well, there you go. Why's he run, he ain't the shooter? [sighs] I imagine where he's from, even suspected cop shooters don't tend to get arrested. Raylan: Yeah, but how's a man even know he's a suspect? Tim: Well, doesn't take a genius to know he'll be top of our list. Day after a marshal kills his brother, somebody takes a shot at the chief. Art's face is all over the news. Raylan: You saying you think he ran even though it wasn't him that did it? Tim: I'm saying we have to consider it. Raylan: All right, I've considered it. Rachel: Whatever it is, it's not your call to make. Ed Kirkland, Detroit chief, he's coming in to head up the investigation, run the office for the time being. Raylan: Makes sense. He and Art go back. Rachel: He also goes back with the Tonins, which means Theo will probably be his first instinct. So we follow his lead. Dr. Wallace to the O.R. Dr. Wallace to the O.R. Tim: Kirkland's due within the hour. After that, our options shrink. Raylan: You talking about any particular option? Tim: The one where we catch up with Darryl ... out in the wild world. Raylan: You'd be on board for that? Tim: It's Art. Raylan: You think that's what he would want? Tim: I think he'd do it for us. Raylan: All due respect, Tim, I don't think you know Art as well as I do. Boyd: I got to go explain to Mr. Picker and Mr. Duffy how we come to lose half that shipment. [sighs] We didn't lose it. Boyd: Well, I'll make sure to tell them that. And while I'm gone... [sighs] ...I want you to hide that dope. Where? Boyd: I don't know. And I don't want to know. It's gonna be my insurance. Insurance for what? Boyd: For walking out of that hotel room. Christ, Boyd, if you're that worried about walking out, why even walk in? Boyd: Because procrastination has never been a part of my nature. Well, at least take us with you. sh1t, Boyd, they want a war? We'll stack 'em up like Cordwood. Goddamn right. Boyd: Son, after everything I've asked you to do, I appreciate the sentiment, but this one's on me. But... I need you to promise me that if this don't go my way ... if this don't go my way ... that you will take care of Ava by giving that nurse everything she needs. 'Course, Boyd. But you ain't got to do this. Boyd: Just hide the dope. But when I say "hide it," I want you to hide it so god can't even find it. Now get out of here. Go on. [sighs] [exhales sharply] Boyd: And remember what you promised. [sighs] [elevator bell dings] Raylan: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. Alison: You didn't. You want me to get you something to help you sleep? Alison: EMTs gave me enough lorazepam to kill a rhino. Didn't even make my eyelids heavy. Raylan: Well, they didn't know to account for your tolerance. Alison: [chuckles softly] How long am I gonna have to stay here? Raylan: They didn't walk you through this? Alison: Uh, they might have. I don't think I'm retaining much at the moment. Raylan: Tonight, we don't have enough manpower to protect you anywhere but here. In the morning, though, deputies will start arriving from other districts. We'll detail a few to take you to a hotel. Alison: And then how long will I be there? Raylan: Till we find the shooter or establish you weren't the target. Alison: Did you see him? Raylan: He's still in surgery. Alison: [voice breaking] I'm sorry, Raylan. Raylan: You have nothing to be sorry for. [sighs] Raylan: Try to get some sleep. How's Ms. Brander? Raylan: She's all right. She's resting. She seems like a fine young woman. Raylan: Sir, I'd like to join the manhunt for Darryl Crowe Jr. I know him, I know the family, I know the area he's likely holed up. I think we got enough bodies on that manhunt, plus local P.D. supplementing. I imagine they know the area, as well. No, deputy, I need you to stay here, be my right hand ... help me get the lay of the land. Raylan: Right-hand man? Yeah. Our first order of business ... we go at Tonin. We establish all the ways he could've been in contact with the outside world and talk to anyone he could've used as a go-between. Raylan: Funny. Excuse me? Raylan: Oh, Art had to fly to Macon once, babysit the Georgia middle district while their chief was suspended. Yeah, Loughlin. Yeah, he got busted for double dipping. Raylan: Yeah. Art said the top priority for an interim chief is to rein in the office problem child. [sighs] Best way he knew to do that was keep the guy where he could see him, tell him he's your right-hand man. [chuckles] All right, deputy. Fair enough. I'll be straight with you. Yes, I need to keep you close so I can keep an eye on you. I'm concerned that your participation in this investigation ... that it may jeopardize a future prosecution. Raylan: What the hell's that supposed to mean? All right, deputy, we're done. Raylan: Allow me to be straight with you, chief. We lose the guy who did this 'cause you kept me from doing my job, that's gonna be on you. Problem? Theo gave it up. Raylan: Gave what up? Says he ordered the hit on Art as payback for bringing him in. Signed the affidavit swearing to it. Aw, geez. It gets better. He's willing to finger the shooter. Boyd: My fianc 's wedding ring. He's clean. You sure? Wynn: Mikey says he's clean, he's clean. Check him again. Wynn: Whatever. Boyd: Well, I guess there's no question about who's calling the shots. Wynn: Our social hierarchy is the least of your concerns. Boyd: Well, if you're looking for the beretta I usually keep in the small of my back, I decided to leave it at... home. I figured I might get frisked. Didn't want to take a chance on it going missing. I brought that piece back with me from the desert. What's this? Boyd: My abiding shame. Wynn: I didn't know you smoked, Mr. Crowder. Boyd: Well, my recent anxiety has made me question why I ever gave it up. I see we have a new face in our crowd. Have a seat, Boyd. Boyd: Any place in particular? There will be fine. [sighs] So, you want to explain how your buddy the marshal came to seize half our shipment? Boyd: Well, seeing how it wasn't in my possession, I think that's more of a question for Darryl Crowe Jr. Wynn: And where is he? Boyd: I can't say. But if I were him, I'd be running for my life. You heard somebody shot the chief marshal last night? Wynn: And you think it's Darryl? Boyd: I don't know. I wasn't there. But if I was a betting man ... Since you are the one who's here at the moment, Boyd, why don't you explain on Darryl's behalf? Boyd: Mr. Picker, the only explaining I've ever done in my life was to my Mama when she caught me sneaking in after my curfew. And you ain't my Mama. [chuckles] Boyd: But I'll indulge you with a short answer to your question. sh1t happens, Mr. Picker. Wynn: What about the other half? Boyd: Sometimes it don't. Wynn: Where is it? Boyd: I don't know. You don't know? What do you mean exactly by you don't know? Boyd: Well, Mr. Picker, what I mean is... if I die in this hotel room, it'll be like you decided to bury the rest of that dope right alongside me. Tell me about yourself, Mr. Crowder. Boyd: She speaks. I do. Boyd: Well, I usually like to know a person's name before I start telling them my life story. Hale ... Katherine Hale. Boyd: As in the wife of "big country" Grady Hale? Widow. Boyd: Wynn Duffy, I am impressed. I remember seeing a picture of you in the paper when your husband was on trial, and I thought, "now, that is the kind of woman you get on your arm when you become a real gangster." Of course, that was some time ago, and you've changed your hair. Wynn brought me here just especially to meet you. Boyd: Thinking that any friend of his ought to be a friend of mine? No. He wants to know if I can come up with a reason why he shouldn't kill you. Boyd: Other than my winning personality? [chuckles] Well, uh... if you don't mind, I'm gonna have a cigarette while I think of an earnest answer to your question. Wynn: It's not so much me as the hotel. This is a non-smoking suite. [SCENE_BREAK] Tim: U.S. Marshals! On the ground right now! Right now! Rachel: On the ground. Right now! Tim: Right now! Get up! Boyd: Well, I guess this hotel takes that non-smoking policy pretty serious, Mr. Duffy. Raylan: You must know this is bullshit. All I know is we have to follow it up. [cellphone ringing] [sighs] Washington. Excuse me. Mm-hmm. Raylan: Why would Tonin try to help us without cutting a deal? Because he knows we'd never deal with him. Raylan: That's my point. Tim: Sir. Deputy Brooks wanted you to see this. It lists who got caught in the net when we grabbed picker. Katherine Hale? Tim: That's what her driver's license said. That name doesn't mean anything to you? Tim: Should it? Raylan: Tonin just wants to get us chasing bullshit. It's the only entertainment he's got. W-where is she now? Tim: Downstairs. Downstairs in this building? Tim: Yes, sir ... her, Crowder, Duffy, his bodyguard. We figure we could at least hold them a couple hours. Where's Deputy Brooks? Tim: She's sitting on them. 'Course she is. Come with me. Raylan: I'm gonna go in there. Finally ... someone I can reason with. Raylan: I want a name. Me too. The scrawny guy ... who is he? Raylan: I want a name. I want an apology. That rat-faced little prick tweaked my back when I was getting in the car. It's like he doesn't understand the special relationship I have with you guys. Raylan: That relationship ... that's over. Really? Raylan: Today, we got a different set of problems. Yeah. I heard. My condolences. Seriously. Raylan: Mm-hmm. Still don't know how I fit in. Raylan: Well, Theo puts you as the shooter. [scoffs] Oh, beautiful. Raylan: He says you were acting on his orders. Really? Well, the last time you dragged me in here, you thought he was trying to kill me. Now you believe I'm taking his orders? Raylan: More than believe. Got the proof. Got all we need, matter of fact. Congratulations. You're the prime suspect. Show me what the hell you got. Raylan: You'll hear it in court. This again? The land of complete bullshit? You guys really should learn a new tune, you know that? Raylan: You're looking at 40 years to life, my buddy. Yeah. More if Art dies. That case, you're gonna regret you left Michigan, as Kentucky does still favor the death penalty. I played ball. Raylan: Yes, you did. I played ball, marshal. And now you're gonna hang this job on me? Raylan: Very simple. Come on. Raylan: Goes away ... you give me a name. I'm not a snitch. Raylan: I got an affidavit says you are. Why should I help you? Raylan: Again? Believe I made that more than clear. No, I mean, why would I help you besides the fact that you're an asshole? Raylan: There is no other reason. Darryl Crowe is what I heard. Mr. Picker. Been a while. Chief. Funny running into you here. It's like running into an old teacher at the movies. Raylan: You hear what he said? You think I need corroboration from a bent-nosed arm-breaker from Greektown? Ooh. That hurt. Now, I said we had to follow it up, and we did. Having a little trouble locating Mr. Darryl Crowe today. Can you get a line on him? I met the man once. Okay, say you want to meet him again. Tell him you like the way he fills out his wifebeater. Whatever. I don't give a sh1t. Just let us know when and where. And what do I get? [chuckles] Prizes to be named later. [knock on door] That's the prick. Tim: Time stamp from the hotel camera puts him in the lobby three minutes after Art's shot. Jeff Gordon couldn't make that drive in less than 10. That's what you pulled us out for ... to tell us he didn't do it? Tim: That's not why I pulled you out. Hold on. Raylan, you got a call. Oh, jesus. Can it wait? It's Darryl Crowe's sister ... says he wants to turn himself in. Raylan: Great. She knows where we are. Says he'll only turn himself in to you. You can take those off. You have your gun. Yes, you have your gun. [chuckles] Well, hello, David. Katherine. Don't remember asking you to sit. Well... you didn't ask me to come down here, either. Standing while you sit would make me feel like we were back in court. Believe you have me confused with the judge. No. I remember which one you were ... smug little hobbit-looking beaner shitbird who told the jury what a no-account savage my late husband was and that I was worse. Well, glad to see the years haven't taken away your silver tongue. She tell you anything about why she was at Duffy's hotel suite? Rachel: "Visiting an old family friend. Is that a crime?" Well, not compared to racketeering, conspiracy, and murder, no. Well, whatever dark, twisted fantasies you have about me, David, rest assured, now I am nothing but a little ol' country grandma. Don't look like any grandma I ever saw. 'Course, both my Grandmas looked like Edward James Olmos. So... is there anything else? Because my lawyer's on his way. Um, I guess we could rev up the old harassment suit. Oh, no, no, no, no. No harassment. I just wanted to see you ... for old times' sake. Rachel: You believe it? Most of the people in this office are too new to know who you are. [chuckles] You're disappointed, aren't you? That people don't know who you are? That I'm still alive. Yeah. A little bit. [knock on door] Raylan: Jesus christ. Your face. Wendy: You didn't come alone. Raylan: What happened? Wendy: Did you come alone? Raylan: What do you think? Wendy: I think you probably got a half dozen guys stacked up behind you at the top of the staircase, another dozen outside covering the windows. Raylan: Don't forget the snipers. [chuckles lightly] Raylan: Where is he? Wendy: I'm sorry. I had no choice. Raylan: Step back. Have a seat on the bed. Wendy: He had Kendal. Said if I didn't help arrange his surrender, cops would catch up to him sooner or later. Kendal was likely to get caught up in the crossfire. Raylan: So you arranged the meeting, and then... What? He change his mind? Wendy: I doubt it. Raylan: Then, again... Where is he? Wendy: He was afraid you'd shoot him on sight. He said he wasn't even gonna come out in the open unless he knew exactly where you'd be. Raylan: So you made sure I was here. I suppose it should be heartwarming, seeing you choose the brother who's given you nothing but pain over the lawman you swore you'd betray him to. Wendy: Well, a lot's happened since I made you that promise. You know, death has a way of bringing a family together. As I trust you're aware, Darryl's the only brother I got left. Raylan: You're gonna lay that at my feet, huh? Wendy: Ain't that where it belongs? Raylan: All right, Miss Crowe, you did your sisterly duty and you lured me to a place I could be no threat. Now I want you to tell me where he is. [elevator bell dings] Tim: Hey! Darryl: My name is Darryl Crowe Jr. I'm here to turn myself in. Tim: Somebody grab the kid. Tim: Vasquez didn't even want us to go in there and give the kid a soda. He's terrified. Darryl's lawyer will say that we tried to talk to the kid without a guardian present, get him disqualified as a witness. Raylan: How about Darryl himself? We talking to him? Tim: Kirkland and Vasquez are in there with him. Guess he must've waived the attorney. Raylan: He's probably waiting for his sister. Tim: Mm. Can't be good. Wendy: I want to see my brother. In a moment, Ms. Crowe. First I need ... Wendy: You best not be talking him without representation. Otherwise, I'm gonna see to ... Ms. Crowe! At the moment, I am not interested in your brother. At least, not that one. Kendal. Kendal: I'm not her brother. I'm her son. [sighs] Raylan: Long story. Okay, Kendal. Uh, your brother ... or your uncle ... he, uh... he said that you had something you wanted to tell us. Kendal: I didn't mean to hurt that old man. It just happened so fast. [indistinct conversations] Ava: I would've thought you'd gotten the hole for sure. Nah. I just had to go to Montgomery's office for an hour, listening to him tell me how I act out 'cause I'm afraid of realizing my full potential. [sighs] Any idea what ended the lockdown? Search came up empty, and no one's talking. Their move now is to wait and see who Judith's girls target for retaliation. Ava: Maybe they don't know who did it, either. Come on, Ava. Their asses might be dumb, but they ain't no dumbasses. They'll put this together with their eyes closed. Your best hope now is that I'm not the only one of Judith's girls who wanted to see her taken out. [sighs] Well, guess if this is my last meal, I ought to be grateful that it's ice cream day. Yeah, I've been meaning to ask you ... how'd you get two? Ava: I batted my eyelashes. Best eat up. [light thud] Ava: Hmm. So, how did you get there? Hitch? Kendal: Drove. Known how since I was 11. How about the gun? Where did you get that? Mr. Vasquez, I want to make sure the record reflects that although my client is making this statement against the advice of counsel ... Mr. Wagner, we've been over this. Counsel nonetheless expects the state to take his voluntary cooperation into account during charging and sentencing phases. Noted. Kendal, please ... continue. I asked, uh, where you got the gun. Kendal: It was my Uncle Danny's. Figured he'd want me to have it now he wasn't gonna be around to protect me. Why did you bring it with you? You said you were there only to talk to Ms. Brander. Why'd you feel necessity to be armed? Kendal: Law's been hounding my family for years. They don't care we ain't done nothing. Just like they think the world'd be better off without us. Now they went and put my Uncle Danny down like a dog. Matter of time before they come to me the same way. I just wanted to be ready ... protect my Mom, me. [sniffles] What happened when you arrived at Ms. Brander's building? Kendal: Go up to the door, just like that other time I came to see her. Only, this time, when I reached out to ring the bell, the door started to open, like, all on its own. Did you recognize Chief Mullen? Kendal: All I saw was the star on his belt ... same kind as on the man who killed Danny. Thought maybe it was the same man there for me, looking to bury me beside my Uncle. [sniffles] So I put my hand on my gun, just to be ready. You know, just in case. But I wasn't gonna do anything. But the man with the star, he gets surprised seeing me out there ... goes to draw himself. I'm not sure which one of us fired first. 'Cause, like I said, it all happened so fast. [crying] Kendal: All I know is, I didn't want to hurt anybody. I just didn't want to die ... leave my Mama all alone. I got to say, you got some real balls coming back in here. Wynn: Mr. Picker. Boyd: Well, if we don't have this conversation today, we're gonna have it tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. And all things being equal, Mr. Picker, I'd rather just get 'er done. I believe you were at the point where you were explaining why you should live. Boyd: Ah. And if my memory serves, I was about to have a cigarette. Now... all due respect, Mrs. Hale... I don't believe it's you... I owe an explanation to. And, Mr. Duffy... I apologize for the failures of our business endeavors. But that being said, there ain't no way in hell I'm gonna beg you for my life. But you are owed something. So what say I give you half of my half of the shipment and we go our separate ways? We don't need this guy. Wynn: Quiet. I'm real low, Boyd. Half of half doesn't make me whole. Boyd: I understand. [scoffs] Our friends in Mexico are furious about the bullshit that happened in the desert. Wynn: I need you to be quiet. They're this close to sending a goddamn hit squad up here. Wynn: I need you to stop. I say we put Boyd Crowder's head in a goddamn box! Wynn: Mr. Picker! Wynn. [sighs] Boyd: You want a cigarette, Mr. Picker? You seem awful nervous. My nerves are fine. Boyd: Well... are you sure? 'Cause nicotine can be a powerful relaxant. [click] sh1t'll kill you. [boom] Boyd: Aah! Wynn: [coughing] Boyd: That ringing in your ears ... that's 2 ounces of emulex on a 10-second timer. Now, I may not know a lot about a lot of things, but I do know how to blow sh1t up. Now, my offer still stands, Mr. Duffy ... half of my half. [coughing] [grunts] [panting] Mike. Lock the door. Now. [both panting] Rachel: Sir? Mhm. Mind shutting that door? Rachel: You leaving us already? Yeah, now that we got a confession on the shooting, director wants me back North. Got my own office to run. Rachel: Mm. I'd appreciate if you'd keep me in the loop on Art and, you know, his condition. Rachel: 'Course. Uh, I'll be in touch as soon as there's something to be in touch about. Mm-hmm. Rachel: Any idea who they're sending here to take your place? They're not. As you know, as chiefs, we have to set aside recommendations in the event we ever become incapacitated. Rachel: Mm. Director's inclined to agree with Art's choice for interim chief. Rachel: Which is whom? He didn't tell you? Rachel: [chuckles] Tell me what? Congratulations. Raylan: You got it, Darryl. Darryl: How's that? Raylan: Well, you wanted this to come down to you and me. Now you got it. Darryl: You ain't got no right to talk to me like that. I'm a grieving man fresh off putting my brother in the ground. I got another on the way to juvie. Raylan: You mean "nephew." Darryl: And a sister I need to keep from losing her damn mind. Raylan: You gonna tell me your sad story? Let me tell you a different one. Let me tell you the story of how you went to Alison's, planned to use her to draw me over to show it down. Darryl: "Show it down"? What? Like cowboys? Raylan: You got startled by Art, started blasting without thinking 'cause you're a chickenshit who ain't used to doing his dirty work. That's sad ... as in pathetic. But where it gets real tragic is when you saw on the news who it was you shot and panicked, grabbed Kendal, and somehow convinced him to throw away his life to save yours. Darryl: Man, you crazy. [SCENE_BREAK] Raylan: Mm? Darryl: Lawyer just said he ain't gonna do more than a few years. Raylan: Playing it like you don't know what juvie's liable to do to a boy like Kendal. No chance he comes out the same as he went in. Darryl: Good. He could use some toughening up. Sorry to say I let him go pussy. Raylan: Well, I'm just letting you know how this is gonna go. Darryl: Yeah? How's it gonna go? I'm gonna walk up out of here. What? You gonna shoot me? Raylan: I ain't gonna kill you, Darryl. Doesn't mean I don't want to. Darryl: Well, that's real complicated. Raylan: Your luck. You shot the one man makes a difference to me. Darryl: Oh, yeah? [elevator bell dings] Oh, he makes a difference? What? Like my brother made to me? Did it feel like that? 'Scuse me. Just so I'm clear... You're not gonna kill me? 'Cause I was worried for a minute. Raylan: Oh, be worried. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Yeah? Raylan: 'Cause that web of bullshit you spun around yourself to protect yourself ... I'm gonna use it to strangle the life out of you... and take away everything you got. Then you're gonna wish I'd have blacked you out with a bullet to the head. Darryl: Well, this feels like one of those "time will tell" deals ... which, as a free man, I have plenty of. Question is... how much time you got? [indistinct conversations] [monitor beeping]

A shooting close to home forces Raylan and Boyd to decide which lines they're willing to cross.

fd_Doctor_Who_08x05

fd_Doctor_Who_08x05_0

[ INT. Clara's place ] The Doctor: The Satanic Nebula! The Doctor: Or...the lagoon of lost stars... or we could go... to Brighton! I've got a whole day worked out. Clara: Sorry, but as you can see, I've got plans. The Doctor: Have you? Clara: Look at me. The Doctor: Yeah, OK. Clara: No, no, no. No. Look at me. The Doctor: Yep, looking. Clara: Seriously? The Doctor: Why is your face all coloured in? [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. class ] Danny: 7.15. Meeting me. You are. Date. Second one. Clara: Got the words out. Not in the right order, but, hey... maths teacher! Both: Out. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Clara's place ] The Doctor: Are you taller? Clara: Heels. The Doctor: What, do you have to reach a high shelf? Clara: Right, got to go. Going to be late. The Doctor: For a shelf? Clara: Bye! [ PHONE RINGS ] Clara: There you go, you've got another playmate. The Doctor: Hardly anyone in the universe has that number. Clara: Well, I've got it. The Doctor: Yes, from some woman in a shop. We still don't know who that was. Clara: Is that her now? The Doctor: There are very few people that it could be. [ PHONE CONTINUES TO RING ] Clara: Don't. The Doctor: Why not? Clara: Because, if you answer it, something will happen. The Doctor: What? Clara: A thing. The Doctor: Huh. It's just a phone, Clara. Nothing happens when you answer the phone. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. room ] [ THE DOCTOR SCREAMS ] [ CLARA SCREAMS ] Clara: Doctor? The Doctor: Don't touch it. Clara: Where are we? How did we get here? Psi: Who are you? Sorry, what's going on? I don't understand. Saibra: Argh! What is that thing? The Doctor: It's a memory worm. Clara: What happened to your face? The Doctor: Deletes your memories. Clara: Did you see her face? Saibra: How did I get here? The Doctor: The same way we all did, but we've all forgotten. Saibra: And who are you? The Doctor (O.C.): I am the Doctor, a Time Lord from Gallifrey. I have agreed to this memory wipe of my own free will. Clara (O.C.): I am Clara Oswald, human. I have agreed to this memory wipe of my own free will. Do I really have to touch that worm thing? The Doctor (O.C.): Yes, you do. And change your shoes. You're next, Psi. Psi (O.C.): I am Psi- augmented human. I have agreed to this memory wipe of my own free will. Saibra (O.C.): I am Saibra, mutant human. I have agreed to this memory wipe of my own free will. [ BEEP ] [ WHIRRING ] Architect (O.C.): This is a recorded message. I am the Architect. Your last memory is of receiving a contact from an unknown agency. Me. Everything since has been erased from your minds. Now, pay close attention to this briefing. Architect (O.C.): This is the Bank of Karabraxos, the most secure bank in the galaxy. A fortress for the super-rich. If you can afford your own star system, this is where you keep it. No one sets foot on the planet without protocols. All movement is monitored, all air consumption regulated. DNA is authenticated at every stage. Intruders will be incinerated. Architect (O.C.): Each vault, buried deep in the earth, is accessed by a drop-slot at the planet's surface. It's atomically sealed, an unbreakable lock. The atoms have all been scrambled. Your presence on this planet is unauthorised. A team will have been despatched to terminate you. Guard (O.C.): This is bank security. Open up. Architect (O.C.): Your survival depends on following my instructions. Guard (O.C.): Open up and you shall be humanely disposed of. Saibra: There's another exit. Architect (O.C.): All the information you need is in this case. The Doctor: What are you doing? Psi: Downloading. The Doctor: Ah. Augmented. Nice. Architect (O.C.): The Bank of Karabraxos is impregnable. Guard (O.C.): Please stand away from the door. We do not wish to hurt you before incineration. Architect (O.C.): The Bank of Karabraxos has never been breached. You will rob the Bank of Karabraxos. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. office ] Delphox: Report. Guard (O.C.): Sorry, hello? Who is this? Delphox: This is Ms Delphox, Head of Bank Security. I sent you to investigate an off-world intruder. Guard (O.C.): Did you? I was wondering what we're doing here. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. room ] Guard: We found these amazing worms [ WORM SQUEAKS ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Teller's room ] [ SHE EXHALES ] Delphox: Unwelcome guests. We're going to need the Teller. Delphox: Are you hungry, boy? [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. corridor ] The Doctor: OK, OK, OK. Stop, stop, stop. Far enough. Augmented human. Computer augmented, yes? Mainframe in your head? Psi: I'm a gamer. Sorry, who put you in charge? The Doctor: You're a liar. That's a prison code on your neck. Psi: I'm a hacker slash bank robber. The Doctor: Good. This is a good day to be a bank robber. Mutant human. What kind of mutant? Saibra: Like he says, why are you in charge now? The Doctor: It's my special power - what's yours? Saibra: I touch living cells, I can replicate the owner. Clara: Your face, when we first saw you Saibra: I touched the worm. Clara: You can replicate their clothes too? Saibra: I wear a hologram shell. The Doctor: Human cells. DNA from a customer, maybe? A disguise to get us in? Clara: We're actually going to do it? Rob the bank? The Doctor: I don't think we have a choice; we've already agreed to. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Bank ] The Doctor: How long can you maintain the image for? Porrima: For as long as I like. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Bank ] The Doctor: Question one. Robbing banks is easy if you've got a TARDIS. So why am I not using it? Clara: Question two, where is the TARDIS? The Doctor: OK, that probably should be question one. [ ALARM BLARES ] Computer: Banking floor locking down. Porrima: They know we're here. Computer: Banking floor locking down. [ HEAVY FOOTSTEPS ] Porrima: What is that? The Doctor: I don't know. Hate not knowing. Delphox: Excuse me, sir. I regret to say that your guilt has been detected. Customer: What? That, that's totally ridiculous. Delphox: Is it, sir? Well then, we will certainly double-check. The Teller will now scan your thoughts for any criminal intent. Good luck, sir. [ HIGH-PITCHED TONE ] The Doctor: Interesting. Psi: What is? The Doctor: The latest thing in sniffer dogs. Telepathic; it hunts guilt. Clara: What about our guilt? The Doctor: Currently being drowned out. [ MAN GROANS ] Clara: What's he doing? The Doctor: If he has a plan, he's trying not to think of it. Psi: Ever tried not thinking about something? Clara: No. Porrima: You may have to. [ MAN GROANS ] Delphox: Ah, criminal intent detected. How naughty. What was your plan? Counterfeit currency in your briefcase, perhaps? Customer: No, not at all. For God's sake. Delphox: It doesn't really matter, we'll establish the details later. The Teller is never wrong when it comes to guilt. Your account will now be deleted, and obviously your mind. Suppertime. [ PIERCING WHINE ] [ HE GROANS ] The Doctor: It's wiping his mind. Turning his brain into soup. Delphox: Your next of kin will be informed, and incarcerated, as further inducement to honest financial transactions. [ HE SCREAMS ] Clara: We've got to help him. The Doctor: He's gone already. It's over. Clara: He's in agony, look at him. The Doctor: Those aren't tears, Clara. That's soup. [ WHINE STOPS ] Delphox: Account closed. Take him away. He's ready for his close-up. Delphox: Apologies for the disturbance. Everyone have a lovely day. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Bank - Deposit Booth ] [ BEEP ] Computer: Deposit booth locking. Please exhale. Your valuables will be transported up from the vault. Psi: If he can break in here and plant this thing, then why does he need our help? The Doctor: Depends what the thing is. The Doctor: OK, well, I'm no expert, but fuses, timer. I'm going to stick my neck out and say bomb. Bank schematic. Now. [ BEEPING ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. office ] Delphox: So, the man we captured on the banking floor wasn't the target. Guard: Four visitors just entered a safety-deposit box. Delphox: The greatest bank in the galaxy. Our reputation must remain secure. The Director will blame us. We'll be fired: fired with pain. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Bank - Deposit Booth ] The Doctor: The floor below is all service corridors, the veins and arteries of the bank. [ BEEPING ] The Doctor: He wants us to blow through the floor. Saibra: Well, we'll die if we do that. The Doctor: Well, not necessarily. There must be a plan. Clara: What if the plan is, we're blowing up the floor for someone else? What if we're not supposed to make it out alive? The Doctor: Oh, don't be so pessimistic. It'll affect team morale. Saibra: What, and getting us blown up won't? The Doctor: Well, only very, very briefly. Psi: Er, no. No way. You can do you what you like. I'm going to take my chances out there. Clara: Psi. Psi: No, no, no. This guy, your mate, is a lunatic. The Doctor: What do you want, Psi, more than anything else? Whatever it is, it's in this bank. You agreed to rob the most impregnable bank in history. You must have had a very good reason. We all must have. Picture the thing you want most in the universe, and decide how badly you want it. Well? Psi: Still don't understand why you're in charge. The Doctor: Basically, it's the eyebrows. [ BEEPING ] [ PULSATING ] [ RAPID BEEPING ] [ BEEPING INTENSIFIES ] [ BEEPING STOPS ] The Doctor: Nice. Dimensional shift bomb. Sends the particles to a different plane. Come on then, Team Not Dead. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Bank - outside Deposit Booth ] Guard: Open up. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Cellar ] Saibra: Well, so, what are we supposed to do now? What's the plan? The Doctor: I don't know. The Architect set all this up. It should make sense. My personal plan is that a thing will probably happen quite soon. Saibra: Ah, so that's it. That's your plan? The Doctor: Yep. Saibra: A thing will happen? The Doctor: A thing. Probably. Clara: Hey, Psi. Clara: Doctor. The Doctor: There you go. Thing time. Clara: How does he get the cases here? The Doctor: By breaking into the bank in advance of breaking into the bank. Clara: Well, how did he do that? And if he can do that, why does he need us? The Doctor: Not our problem. Psi: Well, what is our prob-prob-prob-prob-pr? Clara: You OK? Psi: Drive glitch. It's fine. The Doctor: Guilt is our problem. Guilt, in this bank, is fatal. The Teller can hear it. Ever since that first case was opened, we've been targets. The more we know about why we're here, the louder our guilt screams. That's why we wiped our memories. For our own safety. Now, once I open this, I can't close it again. Psi: Would it be safer if only one of us learned it? The Doctor: I'm waiting for you to volunteer. Psi: Er, why me? The Doctor: Because you didn't need that memory worm, did you? You're half-computer. You can perform a manual delete. You can clear your thoughts. Psi: OK. [ BUTTON BEEPS ] Psi: I don't know what it is. You may as well have a look. Well, what are they? The Doctor: Not a clue. Saibra: Hmm, interesting. The Doctor: What is? Saibra: You're lying. Psi: Er, why would he be lyi-lyi-lyi-lying? Ugh. Sorry. Stress. Drains the batteries. The Doctor: Interface with this. Saibra: Do we have time for this? The Doctor: Well, why not? There's no immediate threat. [ ALARM BLARES ] Computer: Warning. Intruders detected. The Doctor: I should stop saying things like that. Computer: Intruders detected. The Doctor: Clara, you stay with Psi. Saibra, let's go and investigate. Computer: Intru... [ BEEPING AND WHIRRING ] Psi: Oh-h! Storm dust. Clara: You can delete your memories? Psi: Yeah, it's not as fun as it sounds. Clara: I've got a few I wish I could lose. Psi: And I lost a few I wish I hadn't. No, I was, I was interrogated in prison. And I guess I panicked. I didn't want to be a risk to the people close to me, so Clara: You deleted your friends? Psi: My friends, anyone who ever helped me, my family. Clara: Your family? Psi: Of course my family. Clara: How could you do that? Psi: Well, I don't know. [ HE SIGHS ] I suppose I must have loved them. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. corridor ] The Doctor: Aren't you going to ask me? Saibra: Why did you lie? Those hardware things, you know what they are. The Doctor: Exit strategy of sorts. How did you know I was lying? Saibra: I've had a lot of faces, I find them easy to read. The Doctor: Quite a gift. Saibra: Gift? The Doctor: It got us in here. Saibra: Mutant gene. No one can touch me. If they do, I transform. Touch me, Doctor, and you'll be looking at yourself. I am alone. The Doctor: Why? Saibra: Could you trust someone who looked back at you out of your own eyes? [ MUFFLED GROAN ] [ GROANING CONTINUES ] [ RUNNING FOOTSTEPS APPROACH ] Clara: Oh, my God. Why is he even still alive? The Doctor: I don't know. But someone is watching. Psi: Doctor. However this goes, whatever happens, don't let me end up like that. [ ALARM BLARES ] Computer: Intruders on the service level. Intruders on the service level. The Doctor: Now this says place to hide. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Teller's room ] Saibra: Where are we? [ HISSING ] The Doctor: Nobody move. Nobody say a word. It's cocooned. Forced hibernation. Its power is probably dormant. [ SHOUTING OUTSIDE] The Doctor: Clara. It's locked on to you. It may still be asleep. Don't wake it. Clara: OK. How do I not do that? The Doctor: Keep your mind blank. Block everything. Once it locks onto your thoughts, it won't let go. [ LOW GROWLING ] [ HIGH-PITCHED WHINE ] The Doctor: It's waking up. Keep blocking your thoughts, Clara. Don't think. Psi: This way. Saibra: Oh. Psi: Saibra! Clara: She's still in there. How do we get her out? The Doctor: It's scanning her brain. Psi: Then what? The Doctor: Soup. Clara: Then help her! [ SHE WINCES ] The Doctor: Saibra! Saibra: What should I do? How can I get away? The Doctor: It's rooting through your brain. It's tasting all the secrets stashed inside. Any moment now, it will finish its sweep and start feasting on what's left. Saibra: And then I become one of those things we saw sitting in a cage? The Doctor: Yes. Saibra: Can you not get me out? The Doctor: I'm sorry. I don't know how, once it's locked onto your thoughts. Saibra: Exit strategy. That means what I think it means, right? The Doctor: Atomic shredder. Saibra: Painless? The Doctor: And instant. Saibra: When you meet the Architect, promise me something. Kill him. The Doctor: I hate him, but I can't make that promise. Saibra: A good man... I left it late to meet one of those. [ SHE SCREAMS ] [ GROWLING ] [ ROARING ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Bank - outside Vault ] The Doctor: Right, vault. That's clear. What's not clear is what we do now. Clara: Hey. You OK? The Doctor: No, I'm an amnesiac robbing a bank. Why would I be OK? Clara: Because Saibra... The Doctor: What? Saibra is dead, we are alive. Prioritise if you want to stay that way. Psi: Oh, is that why you call yourself the Doctor? The professional detachment. The Doctor: Listen. When we're done here, by all means, you go and find yourself a shoulder to cry on. You'll probably need that. Till then, what you need is me. Clara: Underneath it all, he isn't really like that. Psi: It's very obvious that you've been with him for a while. Clara: Why? Psi: Because you are really good at the excuses. The Doctor: Another gift from the Architect. Shall we unwrap it? [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Teller's room ] Delphox: The unbreakable bank. We must locate them. And Director Karabraxos must not know. When people get fired here, it's messy. Release the Teller into the tunnels. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Bank - outside Vault ] [ HE WINCES ] Psi: Right, the system looks like it's time-delayed. There are twenty four lock codes I need to break. [ GROWLING ] Clara: Doctor? It's coming. We're trapped. The Doctor: Psi, how long? Psi: As long as it takes. The Doctor: It's locked on to one of our thought trails. We have to split up, minimise the brain signals. Psi: What happened to your professional detachment, Doctor? Clara: No, no. Psi: In case it finds me. It's my choice. Clara: You don't use that, OK? Promise me. Psi: Time to run. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. corridor ] The Doctor: Separate! [ HEAVY FOOTSTEPS ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Bank - outside Vault ] Computer: Vault box opening. Vault box opening. 24, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19, 18, 17... [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. corridor ] [ SHE PANTS ] [ HEAVY FOOTSTEPS ] [ GROWLING ] The Doctor [ in mind ]: Keep your mind clear, Clara. Keep your mind blank. [ ROARING ] Clara: Argh. The Doctor: Clara! [ BEEPING] Psi (O.C.): Come on! Come and find me! Every thief and villain in one big cocktail. I am so guilty! Every famous burglar in history is hiding in this bank right now in one body. Come and feast! Clara? For what it's worth, and it might not be worth much, when your whole life flashes in front of you, you see people you love and people missing you. Well, I see no one. [ HIGH-PITCHED WHINE ] [ HE SCREAMS ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Bank - outside Vault ] Computer: Three, two, one. Failed. Vault unlocking failed. [ SHE GRUNTS ] Clara: It's not opening. Psi... he died for nothing. [ SONIC SCREWDRIVER BUZZES ] The Doctor: Multiple locks. Last one still in place. The Doctor: Atomic seal. Unbreakable, even for me. The Architect would know that. He wouldn't bring us all this way for nothing. Clara: And get two people killed. The Doctor: Exactly. There must be some logic. Clara: Some logic? The Doctor: Come on, Architect. What else have you got? [ THUNDER RUMBLES ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. office ] Delphox: Report, please. What was the disturbance? [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Bank ] Guard: Solar storm. Getting worse. Interfering with our systems. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Bank - outside Vault ] The Doctor: A storm. [ BEEPING ] The storm's tripping the system. That's what he's got, a storm. Clara: How would he know when a storm would hit? The Doctor (laughing): Of course. Stupid, stupid Doctor. Of course, of course. Clara: Of course, what? The Doctor: Whoever planned all this, they're in the future. This isn't just a bank heist, it's a time travel heist. We've been sent back in time to the exact moment of the storm, to be in exactly the right place when it hits, because that's the only time the bank is vulnerable. [ CLUNKING ] Computer: Vault unlocked. The Doctor: The bank is now open. Computer: Vault unlocked. The Doctor: Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Bank - Vault ] The Doctor: It explains why we're not here in the TARDIS. Clara: Sorry, what? The Doctor: The solar disruption would have made navigation impossible. The one time the bank is vulnerable is the one time we can't just land. Clara: Doctor? The code. The code that was in the last case. Look. Tech. The Doctor: Technology. 251. Find it. Clara: Tech. The Doctor: It's a neophyte circuit. I've only ever seen one once before. It can reboot any system, replace any lost data. Clara: Psi. That's what he came for, his reward. The Doctor: So what did Saibra come for? The Doctor: Gene suppressant. Clara: She wanted to be normal. The Doctor: Everyone has a weakness. So the big question is this. What did we come for? Clara: PV. The Doctor: Private vault. Karabraxos's own fortune? [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. office ] [ GROWLING ] Delphox: Intruders are most welcome. They remind us that the bank is impregnable. It's good for morale to have a few of you scattered about the place, preferably on view. Delphox: Are you ready for your close-up? If you're thinking of ways to escape, the Teller will know before you've even made a move. You'll never be bothered by all that thinking again. The Doctor: Useful species. Delphox: Last of its kind, and we've signed an exclusive deal. The Doctor: Must be noisy inside its head. Painful to listen to so much chatter, so many secrets. Must drive it wild. How can you force it to obey? Delphox: Oh, everything has a price tag, I think you'll find. [ THUNDER CRASHES ] Delphox: The storm's getting worse. The customers are leaving. Director Karabraxos will be concerned. Our jobs will be on the line. The Doctor: You're scared. Delphox: Oh, I'm terrified. I have the disadvantage of knowing Karabraxos personally. The Doctor: If you don't like your boss, why stay? Delphox: My face fits. Now if you'll excuse me, I must take the Teller to its hibernation. You two, dispose of our guests. The Doctor: Don't do this. I'm having a very bad day, and I do not want to be pushed around. Guard: You're wrong. The Doctor: Wrong? Guard: It's not that bad a day. And you're being very slow. The Doctor: Why are you undoing my handcuffs? The Doctor: Saibra? Psi: It looked like death. It was actually a teleporter. Clara: Oh, my God. Psi: Good, eh? You think we're dead, so the Teller thinks we're dead, and we play the creature at his own mind games. The Doctor: No, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What? Sorry, sorry, what? You, you, you're, you're alive? Saibra: Yeah, we're alive. Look at us. We're all alive. The Doctor: No, no, no, no. Not dead. Alive. Psi: There's an escape ship in orbit. Takes you right there. Oh, and there's this big blue box. Is that yours? The Doctor: Well, this is good, I suppose. You'll be able to resume the mission. Gene suppressant. Antidote for your condition. The Doctor: Memory giver. All your yesterdays. The Doctor: There you go. Job done, paid in full. Clever old Architect. Saibra: Very clever. The Doctor: I still hate him. Saibra: Me too. Psi: How were you paid? The Doctor: I don't know. There's something in the private vault. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Cellar ] The Doctor: What's that? Psi: Supply line. It's the only oxygen down to the private vault. There's another one for water, for basic life support. Clara: What, for a private vault? The Doctor: Someone likes to hang out with their wealth. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Bank - Private Vault ] [ MUSIC PLAYS: Overture To The Abduction From The Seraglio ] The Doctor: Director Karabraxos? Excuse us, but we've come to rob you. So if you want to put your hands above your head, or Karabraxos: Or? You didn't bring any weapons. That's a bit of an oversight. Security, Karabraxos here. The Doctor: You're Karabraxos? Karabraxos: One moment. Delphox (on screen): Director Karabraxos, is there a problem? Karabraxos: Intruders in the private vault. Send me the Teller. I want to find out how they got in, and then I want to wipe their memories. The Doctor: She's a clone. Karabraxos: It's the only way to control my own security. I have a clone in every facility. Get on it right away. Delphox (on screen): Yes, of course. Karabraxos: And then hand in your credentials. You're fired, with immediate effect. Delphox (on screen): But please, I've been in your service Karabraxos: Ever since the last one let me down and I was forced to kill it. I can't quite believe that you're putting me through this again. Karabraxos: My clone. And yet she doesn't even protest. Pale imitation, really. Ha! I should sue. Clara: You're killing her? You just said Karabraxos: Fired? I put all of the used clones into the incinerator. Can't have to many of moi scattered around. Psi: Sorry, you don't get on with your own clone? The Doctor: She hates her own clones. She burns her own clones. Frankly, you're a career break for the right therapist. Shut up. Everybody, just, just shut up. Karabraxos: And what is this display now, as amusing as you are? The Doctor: Shut up. Just shut up, shut up, shut up, shutetty up up up. What, what did you say? What did you say? What did you say about your own eyes? De-shut up. Say it again. SAIBRA: How can you trust someone if they look back at you out of your own eyes? The Doctor: I know one thing about the Architect. What is it that I know about the Architect? I know one thing. Something that I've known from the very start. Clara: What? The Doctor: I hate him. He's overbearing, he's manipulative, he likes to think that he's very clever. I hate him! Clara, don't you see? The Doctor: I hate the Architect. Karabraxos: What in the name of sanity is going in this room now? The Doctor: We're getting sanity judgment from the self-burner. Do you mind if I borrow a little bit of paper? Karabraxos: And what are you doing now? The Doctor: I'm giving you my telephone number. Karabraxos: Why? The Doctor: Well, I thought you might like to call me someday. The Doctor: Sorry, I thought we were getting along famously. Am I, like, misreading the signals or something? [ THUNDER RUMBLES ] The Doctor: Oh, that was a big one, wasn't it? I think that your bank is about to close for good, Karabraxos. If I was you, I'd get going. Don't mind us, we'll just stay here and burn. [ ALARM BLARES ] [ SCREAMING ] The Doctor: Hard to know what to take. The greatest treasures of the universe in just one suitcase. [ THUNDER RUMBLES ] Clara: Doctor, what's the plan? Is there a plan? Saibra: We can use the shredders and get us back to the ship. The Doctor: They're not shredders, they're teleports, and that's not the most interesting thing about them. Saibra: So what is? The Doctor: There were six of them. Hey. Give me a call me some time. Computer: Doors opening. Karabraxos: You'll be dead. The Doctor: Yeah, you'll be old. We'll get on famously. You'll be old and full of regret for the things that you can't change. Computer: Doors closing. Psi: Doctor, what the hell is going on? Clara: Are you remembering? The Doctor: No, not a thing. But I'm understanding. Clara: What? What is it? What are you understanding? The Doctor: I'm not sure yet. I need my memory back. And I think there's only one way to do that. Clara: Which would be? The Doctor: Soup. Clara: Soup? [ LIFT DINGS ] [ GROWLING ] The Doctor: Hello, big man. Peckish? Clara: Doctor! The Doctor: No, no. Let it take me. Let it read me. It's the only way. Clara: It will kill you. The Doctor: What have I told you about pessimism? That's it, that's it. There are so many memories in here. Feast on them. Tuck in. Big scarf, bow tie, bit embarrassing. What do you think of the new look? I was hoping for minimalism, but I think I came up with magician. In the last few days, there's been a block. Can you see the block? Tell me why I'm here. Show me why I'm here. Show me! [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Clara's place ] [ PHONE RINGS ] The Doctor: It's just a phone, Clara. Nothing happens when you answer the phone. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Clara's - Bedroom ] Karabraxos: Doctor? The Doctor: Hello? Karabraxos: You gave me this number. My name is Madame Karabraxos. I was once the wealthiest person in the Universe. I need your assistance. I'm dying, with many, many regrets. But one, perhaps, you may be able to help me with. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Clara's place ] The Doctor: It's a little detour. It's a, it's a job, I've got to do it for someone. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. TARDIS ] The Doctor: We need to rob a bank. Clara: What? The Doctor: Clara, I need worms. [ VWORP! VWORP! ] The Doctor: The Bank of Karabraxos has never been breached. The Doctor: Architect. TARDIS (distorted): Architect. The Doctor: Architect. TARDIS (distorted): Architect. The Doctor: Architect. TARDIS (distorted): Architect. The Doctor: Architect. The Doctor: You will rob the Bank of Karabraxos. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Bank - Private Vault ] The Doctor: Did you see why we came? Why we're here? We had to delete our own memories, otherwise you'd have known, and then she'd have known, because you were mentally linked. But she's gone now. They've all gone. They have no power over you now. You can do exactly what you want to do now. Exactly what you've always wanted to do. Psi: It knows the combination. The Doctor: Of course it does. It was linked to Karabraxos. Clara: What exactly are we doing here? That thing killed people. The Doctor: Well so might you do, to protect everything you loved. [ WAILING ] The Doctor: There she is. Not the last of its species. The last two. The Doctor: It's OK, it's OK. It's all right. Saibra: Exit strategy. We've got six shredders. The Doctor: Exactly. This wasn't a bank heist. It never was. It was rescue mission for a whole species. Flesh and blood: the last currency. [ THUNDER RUMBLES ] The Doctor: Time to go home. What do you think of that, big man? [ ROARING ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. ] The Doctor: So much mental traffic in the universe. Solitude is the only peace. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. TARDIS ] The Doctor: Gioffre Borgia, mucho scary hombre, says to me, what do you think of our Leaning Tower of Pisa? I say, it looks OK to me. Psi: If you ever need help with another bank heist Clara: Yeah, it's not really his area. Saibra: See? I don't have your face now. The Doctor: Yeah. I kind of miss that. Saibra: Oh, shut up. The Doctor: 7.12, local time, as promised. Go and enjoy yourself. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Clara: It's a date. You know, I've just realised. I'm going out for another meal now. The Doctor: Don't worry. Calories consumed on the TARDIS have no lasting effect. Clara: What? Are you kidding? The Doctor: Of course I'm kidding. It's a time machine, not a miracle worker. Bye, bye. Clara: See you. Don't rob any banks. The Doctor: Don't rob any banks what? Clara: Without me. The Doctor: Course not, boss. The Doctor: Robbing a bank. Robbing a whole bank. Beat that for a date. [SCENE_BREAK] Are you OK? Yeah, course I'm OK. Why wouldn't I be OK? I don't know. Every time I see you, it's like you're... What? In a rush. In a state. How's you? Sorry I'm late! Who are you having dinner with? I can't keep doing this. I can't do it. The next few days are all about you. I promise. I'm the new caretaker. John Smith. Welcome to Cole Hill, Mr Smith. Thanks. Problem. Solution. Destroy.

The TARDIS' phone rings in Clara's apartment, and the Doctor and Clara find themselves in a strange chamber suffering from memory loss along with Psi the augmented human and Saibra the mutant human. They have been recruited by the Architect to rob the Bank of Karabraxos. The quartet collect the tools required for their heist, before witnessing a mysterious alien named the Teller melt the brain of a criminal with its psychic abilities. Saibra is later caught by the Teller, and activates an atomic shredder. Psi soon follows when caught by the Teller, and Clara and the Doctor gain access to the vaults of the bank. They gain the rewards of their heist, and proceed to the Private Vault, after finding Psi and Saibra; the shredders were really teleporters. The Doctor regains his lost memories back from the Teller, revealing himself as the Architect, set up to rejoin the Teller with the only other one of its species, after the bank's director, Madame Karabraxos, regretted leaving the Teller's mate in the vault to die in a solar storm and phoned the TARDIS. The Teller frees its mate. The Doctor takes the two aliens away to live out their lives.

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[PREVIOUSLY_ON] ALEX: So, what's up with this need for sudden male bonding? JULIAN: I need to find a best man for my wedding. NATHAN: "Deficit"! JAMIE: D-e-f-I-c-I-t. "Deficit." NATHAN: Very nice! Okay, next one. You ready? "Fiduciary." CLAY: Nate, there's something that I've never told you. I used to be married before you and I met. Her name was Sara. And she died. CLAY: Sara! Hey! KATIE: I'm gonna get that Agent. As it turns out...I'm his type. CLAY: What are you doing here? KATIE: Honey, it's Sara. CLAY: Don't say that. KATIE: Clay... CLAY: Sara's dead. And she's not coming back. And neither are you. All right? Do you understand me? Don't ever come back here. Out. QUINN: Why do you have a photo with her? CLAY: Because it's not her. It's Sara. KATIE: You'll never be Sara. QUINN: Neither will you. KATIE: We'll see about that. CLAY: Quinn? ROAD A car is reversed, the radio always functions. MAN(Voice-over): Well, it's rainy, and it's windy, and it's cold out there, and at this point, i would advise everyone to batten down the hatches and get inside because we are fast approaching one serious storm. SPELLING BEE Jamie and Madison are the last competitors to be the winner. Nathan and Halley came to support Jamie. LAUREN: Madison, your word is "Tsunami." MADISON: "Tsunami." T-s-u-n-a-m-i. "Tsunami." LAUREN: That's correct! Jamie, your word is "entrepreneur." HALEY: Ohh. NATHAN: No, no, no, he's got this. He corrected this on my last paper for class. HALEY: Really? NATHAN: Mm-hmm. JAMIE: "Entrepreneur." E-n-t...r-e-p...r-e-n...u-e-r. "Entrepreneur." NATHAN: Yes! LAUREN: I'm sorry. That's incorrect. NATHAN: Ooh. LAUREN: Madison, if you spell this next word correctly, you will be...Tree Hill grade school spelling bee champion. The word is "entrepreneur." MADISON: "Entrepreneur." E-n-t-r-e-p-r-e-n-e-u-r. "Entrepreneur." LAUREN: That's correct! JAMIE: You did great, Madison. MADISON: Thanks, Jamie. You did great, too. LAUREN: Congratulations. Congratulations! Great job. Nathan talks with Jamie. NATHAN: Well, second place. Also known as the first loser. You should be ashamed of yourself, you know that? As a matter of fact, why don't you walk home in the rain and think about how badly you screwed up? JAMIE: Gram-pa Dan? NATHAN: Nice call. You killed it up there, buddy. I am so proud of you. JAMIE: Thank you. NATHAN: Oh, and by the way, Clay said he's sorry he had to miss it. He's out checking in with some clients, and he couldn't get back in time because of the storm. JAMIE: That's all right. NATHAN: But I know he's gonna be proud of you. Now, what do you say we get out of here before this storm gets us, too? JAMIE: Actually, I was hoping that I could go back to town with Chuck and Madison. Ms. Lauren said she'd take us. (Haley joins them) HALEY: Hi, buddy! Ooh, you did so awesome! JAMIE: Okay, thank you, mom. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. NATHAN: Jamie wants to go home with Ms. Lauren and his friends. HALEY: Oh. Well, uh... I mean, I think the storm's really bad out tonight, hon. JAMIE: So? Chuck and Madison are going. HALEY: Chuck's mom is an alcoholic. JAMIE: Mom, come on. I'm not a baby anymore. Please. HALEY: I know you're not a... Okay, I'll give you a choice. You can either ride home with Chuck, who's probably standing behind me right now making fun of you, or you can go with your mom and dad who love you, and we'll stop by and see aunt Quinn who's all alone. It's your choice. JAMIE: Thanks. See ya. HALEY: Fine. Go, you little dork. JAMIE: You're the dork. [ Scoffs ] NATHAN: Ohh! HALEY: Who took my baby and replaced him with that monster? NATHAN: I told you we should've sold him to Brooke before she lost all her money. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke disputes with Julian. BROOKE: You do realize we live here, yes? JULIAN: Yeah, I understand that. What I don't understand is why we live here. BROOKE: Oh, I don't know. Maybe because it's my home? JULIAN: Oh, well, my home was in Los Angeles, a home I gave up to be closer to you, because your work was here. BROOKE: And was that so horrible? JULIAN: No, but at least acknowledge that it was a sacrifice, one that I was happy to make for you. But your work isn't here anymore. BROOKE: That's mean. JULIAN: I'm not saying it to be mean. I'm saying it because there's got to be so many more opportunities for you in Los Angeles... BROOKE: I don't... JULIAN: ...and there's definitely more opportunities for me there. BROOKE: I suppose this was your mother's idea? JULIAN: Come on, don't drag my mom into this, please. BROOKE: Oh, how am I not supposed to? She drags herself into every other aspect of our lives. JULIAN: I said "please." BROOKE: You know, it all makes perfect sense to me now. You wanted me to lose the company. JULIAN: What's that supposed to mean? BROOKE: It means...You encouraged me to give it up, because it makes it so much easier for you to move us to Los Angeles! JULIAN: That's ridiculous. I... BROOKE: Is it? JULIAN: I tho... Brooke, look at me. I thought you would be happy there, but if you don't want to move there, that's fine. We'll just...We might have to spend more time apart. It's not that big a deal. Brooke, where are you going? There's a storm outside. BROOKE: It is a big deal! (Brooke goes away) JULIAN: Brooke! Damn it! CLINN'S HOUSE Quinn is on the phone with Clay. QUINN(at phone): So you won't be back till tomorrow. No, I-I'll be fine. Although I do totally hate storms. They really freak me out. Clay? Clay, you still there? I love you, too. (We see Katie behind the window of the room, very wet) NALEY'S CAR They return at home. NATHAN: He's fine. HALEY: It's really bad out here. Maybe I should just call Lauren and check. NATHAN: And, what, distract her while she's driving in this? He's fine, Haley. You heard him. He's not a baby anymore. HALEY: Yes, he is. He will always be my baby. Are you okay driving? NATHAN: Yeah. I actually like it like this. We've had a lot of interesting moments in the rain, you and I. HALEY: Mm, interesting. (Tire blows out) NATHAN: Oh! Oh! Hold on. You all right? HALEY: Yeah. What was that? NATHAN: Okay. I had to jinx us, didn't I? HALEY: Um... Shoot. All right, you call roadside assistance. I'll call Lauren. NATHAN: I'm not getting anything. HALEY: Yeah. Me neither. Shoot. NATHAN: Looks like I've got a tire to change. HALEY: Oh, no! NATHAN: We should have rode home with Ms. Lauren. Cover me. HALEY: Okay. Good luck. CLINN'S HOUSE The monitoring system does not function any more. The alarm of Quinn's car is started and it leaves to extinguish it. She goes up and prepares the. She sees water to run it on the tiling of the kitchen. She takes a bowl at the place where that runs and then to drink her in the dining room. In fact, water comes from the hair of Katie which is on the floor. BRULIAN'SHOUSE/BROOKE'S CAR Julian calls Brooke. BROOKE: Hello? JULIAN: Where are you? BROOKE: I don't know. I'm just driving. JULIAN: Brooke, you need to come home. There's flooding everywhere. They're saying that the levee might break, and on top of all that... I'm sorry. And I love you. Please come home. BROOKE: I don't know if I can, babe. I can barely see the road. JULIAN: Okay, well, I'll come and get you. Where are you? BROOKE: What? JULIAN: Ok-- I'll get you. Where are -- BROOKE: I can't hear you! JULIAN: I said, where are you? Just stay put, and I'll come get you. BROOKE: I'm coming up on the Gabel Bridge. I think if I can ju... (She screams) JULIAN: Brooke? Brooke?! Brooke! Come on, come on, come on. (Thunder crashes, cellphone claps shut) BROOKE: Oh, my God. Chuck?! Chuck, sweetie, what happened?! Are you okay?! CHUCK: We had an accident. BROOKE: What? Oh, my God. GABEL BRIDGE Brooke leaves the car to find Chuck upright right in front. BROOKE: Chuck?! Chuck, sweetie, what happened?! Are you okay?! CHUCK: We had an accident. BROOKE: What? Oh, my God. Okay. I want you to go get in my car and stay there. Okay? Chuck gets into the car of Brooke and this one moves towards the car of Lauren. It had an accident and Madison and Jamie are inside. MADISON: Help us! In here! BROOKE: I'm right here. JAMIE: Aunt Brooke! BROOKE: Jamie?! Are you okay?! JAMIE: I think so. I'm stuck. MADISON: Ms. Lauren won't wake up. BROOKE: Uh, okay. It's gonna be okay. You're Madison, right, sweetie? Are you hurt? MADISON: No. I don't think so. BROOKE: Okay. Will you stand up for me? Okay. Okay, honey. Come to me. I'm gonna help you out. Give me your leg. Okay. Come on. Okay. I gotcha. (Brooke leaves Madison the car) BROOKE: Okay, sweetheart, I want you to go and sit in my car with Chuck, okay? Good girl. And I want you to use my phone. You try to call 911. Tell them we're on the Gabel Bridge. Can you do that? MADISON: I can do it. BROOKE: I know you can. Go on. Hang on. Madison runs to the car of Brooke and Brooke tries to release Jamie. BROOKE: Okay. Jame, I'm coming. All right. Here. Let me get under here. I can't get it, buddy. JAMIE: Is Ms. Lauren gonna be okay? BROOKE:Yeah. We're all gonna be okay, Jamie. I promise. Come here. ROAD Nathan changes the burst wheel. HALEY: Hey. Are you okay? NATHAN: I've been better. Still no signal? HALEY: No. NATHAN: I got to say... I'm kind of down on this rain thing right now. HALEY: Yeah. Raining pretty hard. Hey, if I wasn't pregnant, we could have s*x in the backseat. NATHAN: Well, now I'm kind of down on the pregnancy thing, too. HALEY: Sorry. CLINN'S HOUSE Quinn starts to cut an apple and notices that water does not drip any more in the bowl. it is exact since Katie is not any more on the floor. GABEL BRIDGE Brooke tries to awake Lauren. BROOKE: Lauren...Lauren, can you hear me? Lauren? Hey. It's okay! It's okay. It's Brooke. It's Brooke. You had an accident. Everything's okay. Don't move. LAUREN: Okay. BROOKE: Okay? LAUREN: The kids! BROOKE: No, no, no, no. They're okay. They're okay. They're okay. I need you not to move, sweetheart. Jamie's right here. Chuck and Madison are in my car. Everything is okay. It's okay. I'm gonna go get some help. Okay? Just stay here. Okay. Okay? LAUREN: Okay. BROOKE: How you doing, champ? JAMIE: I just want to get out of here. BROOKE: I know. I know. I'll be right back. Brooke turns over to its car to see whether the children are well. BROOKE: Madison! Madison, sweetie, hand me my purse. It's in the front seat. MADISON: Okay. The phone won't work, and... I don't think Chuck's doing so well. BROOKE: Chuck...Buddy, I need you to stay awake for me, okay? CHUCK: Yeah. BROOKE: Okay. Madison, keep trying the phone. CLINN'S HOUSE Quinn is with the bed. She calls Clay before lying down. QUINN(at phone): Hey, honey, it's me. I'm surprised I got through. Anyway, I think I'm gonna crash out early and try to stop my mind from imagining things. So I just wanted to say good night and that I can't wait to see you. And I love you. GABEL BRIDGE Brooke takes some businesses in the trunk of her car and turns over to see Lauren and Jamie. BROOKE: Uh... How you doing, Jame? JAMIE: Okay, I guess. BROOKE: How 'bout you, Lauren? LAUREN: I'm okay. I think the air bag just knocked the wind out of me. How are the kids? BROOKE: Uh, I think Chuck has a concussion, and you've got a really good gash on your head. LAUREN: Don't worry about me. Just take care of them. Is help on the way? BROOKE: The phones are down, so for now it's just us. I really don't want to move you, but all things considered, I think that we should. Do you think you can crawl out of here? LAUREN: Um, I-I don't know. I could try. BROOKE: Okay. I'm gonna put this over you. There might be some glass. (Brooke removes the windshield with a foot of hind) BROOKE: You okay? All right. Jamie, I'm gonna get Ms. Lauren out, and then I'm coming back for you, okay? JAMIE: I'll be here. BROOKE: Okay, honey, just try to crawl to me. Just give me your hand. LAUREN: Ohh. (Madison calls Brooke) MADISON: Brooke, it's Chuck! LAUREN: Go, go, go! BROOKE: Okay. [ Strains ] Brooke joins Madison. BROOKE: What is it, sweetie? MADISON: He won't stay awake. BROOKE: Okay. Okay, you go help Ms. Lauren, okay? (Madison joins Lauren and Brooke joins Chuck) BROOKE: Chuck! Hey. Hey, buddy, I need you to stay awake for me, okay? CHUCK: I can't. I don't want to. BROOKE: Okay. Lauren and Madison joins Brooke in her car. BROOKE: Hey, guys? Chuck needs a doctor. LAUREN: I can take him. BROOKE: Lauren, I don't know. Your head's really bad. LAUREN: No, no, I'm gonna be fine. But what about Jamie? BROOKE: He's stuck in there pretty good. It might take me some time to get him out. Are you sure you can drive? LAUREN: Yes, I am fine. I promise. Okay. You take the kids, and I'll stay here with Jamie. Just send somebody back. LAUREN: All right. I will. BROOKE: Okay. LAUREN: Hey, Brooke. BROOKE: Huh? LAUREN: Be safe. BROOKE: You too. Lauren takes the car of Brooke and takes along Chuck and Madison to the hospital. Brooke remains with Jamie and tries to release him from the safety belt. BROOKE: Hey. Okay. [ Sighs ] JAMIE: Are they leaving?! BROOKE: It's okay, buddy. They're gonna go get help. Now, let's get you out of there. All right. ROAD Haley joins Nathan under the rain. HALEY: Can I help you? NATHAN: Yeah. You can help me by getting back in the car, you pregnant goof. HALEY: Please? I feel really bad. This storm is terri... Oh! Oh! (Can clatters) NATHAN: This is so "Christmas story." Back in the car, Ralphie. HALEY: Sorry. NATHAN: Okay. CLINN'S HOUSE Katie enters the room to kill Quinn. It raises the feather bed of the bed and discovers pillows in the place. KATIE: Rise and shine. Hide and seek. I love this game. (Quinn is hidden under the bed but Katie see her) QUINN: No! (To struggle, Quin plants the knife in the thigh to him) KATIE: Aah! (Quinn starts to leave but Katie leaves her revolver) KATIE: Well, well. D j vu. Except for the part with the knife in my leg! Then again... Bullets didn't work on you the first time, did they? Okay. Knives it is. I love this game! Quinn runs in the room to take the keys of the car. She gets into the car, starts and starts to roll but a tree was put across the road. She cannot pass. QUINN: Come on! Are you serious? (Quinn turns over in the house to hide) GABEL GRIDGE Brooke discusses with Jamie. BROOKE: I think this is gonna work, buddy. Ow. Hey, whatcha got there? JAMIE: My ribbon for the spelling bee. Second place. BROOKE: You got second place? That's awesome! JAMIE: Madison got first. She spelled "entrepreneur" correctly. BROOKE: Wow. Second place is still really good. JAMIE: So, where were you going anyway? BROOKE: What do you mean? JAMIE: When you found us. BROOKE: I was just driving. JAMIE: In a storm? BROOKE: Easy, 20 questions. Yes, I was driving in a storm. JAMIE: Sorry. BROOKE: It's okay. I got in a fight with Julian over something dumb. And I got mad because...Because I'm stubborn and I'm stupid sometimes. JAMIE: You're not stupid. BROOKE: Mm...I was about this. Uh...How about you spell some words for me? Like...How about... "Elusive"? JAMIE: "Elusive." E-l- CLINN'S HOUSE Katie seeks Quinn. She hides in a wall cupboard. KATIE: you...Are...Something. You really think I won't find you? Like you think if I didn't know you were watching me...With your camera...And your anger! Where's that anger now, Quinn?! It must be hiding with the rest of you. GABEL GRIDGE Jamie entrusts to Brooke. JAMIE: I knew how to spell entrepreneur. I said "u-e," and I knew it was "e-u." BROOKE: Did you get nervous? JAMIE: No, I missed it on purpose. BROOKE: Why? JAMIE: Because I wanted Madison to win the spelling bee. BROOKE: Why? I like Madison. I think she's pretty cool. JAMIE: Yeah. BROOKE: You know, she asked about you. She asked me if you were okay. JAMIE: What'd she say? BROOKE: It's not what she said, exactly. It's more how she said it. Trust me. Girls know these things. So what's the first thing you're gonna do when you get out of here? JAMIE: Tell my mom and dad I love them. What are you gonna do? BROOKE: Tell Julian I love him. And I love you, buddy. (Julian arrives on the spot) JULIAN: Brooke! Brooke! JAMIE: It's Julian! BROOKE: We're in here! We're okay! (A car arrives and sinks in the car of Lauren) JULIAN: No, stop! Stop! Stop! BROOKE: Julian! JULIAN: Stop! Julian finds Brooke and Jamie. BROOKE: We're okay! JULIAN: No, stop! Stop! BROOKE: Julian! JULIAN: No! (Because of the car, that of Lauren falls into the river. Julian jumps to come to assistance of Brooke and Jamie) JULIAN: Brooke! BROOKE: Jamie?! JULIAN: Oh, my God, Brooke! Jamie?! JAMIE: We're sinking! We're gonna drown! JULIAN: No, no, we're not sinking. The car's on the bottom. BROOKE: Are you sure? JULIAN: Yeah, I'm sure. And the water won't rise that fast, so just calm down. Are you okay? JAMIE: I think so. Just get me out of here, please. JULIAN: Okay. Brooke, talk to me. Are you okay? BROOKE: Yeah, I'm okay. I think my leg's just stuck! Just help Jamie. JULIAN: Okay, try to get your leg free. I'm gonna help you in a second. Okay. Come here. Okay, Jamie, I got to check on Brooke's leg, okay? If I can get her free, she can help me, or go look for help, okay? I just need you to trust me. JAMIE: Are you sure we're not sinking? JULIAN: We're not sinking. No. I'm not gonna leave you. Besides, you're gonna be my best man in our wedding, riging? JAMIE: Yeah. Yeah. JULIAN: So there's no way I'm leaving you. It's a promise. BROOKE: It's okay. It's okay. I'm sorry about earlier. JULIAN: Shh! No, it's okay. It's my fault. I'm gonna check that sexy leg of yours. Don't go anywhere, okay? BROOKE: Hey, you okay, buddy? Are you sure you're not hurt? JAMIE: No, I'm not hurt. BROOKE: Okay. JULIAN: Okay. Your leg's stuck under the steering column. No problem. I just need a crowbar or something. BROOKE: I had a crowbar. I put it in the car after I got Lauren out. JULIAN: All right, good. We just got to find it. Hey, best man, you want to help me find that crowbar? JAMIE: I wish. JULIAN: Okay. BROOKE: Hey. I'm sorry. JULIAN: It's okay. BROOKE: It was stupid. I didn't mean it. JAMIE: Can you hear that? What's that noise? What is it? JULIAN: It's the levee! CLINN'S HOUSE Quinn avoided Katie but she found her. They fight. KATIE: Boo. QUINN: Ow! THE RIVER Brooke and Jamie are wedged while water will go up. JAMIE: What's happening? JULIAN: It's the levee! I got to get you out now! Ohh! JAMIE: We're gonna drown! BROOKE: Julian. JULIAN: I can get you out. Hold on. I can do it. BROOKE: Julian, he's just a boy. JULIAN: I can get it. Hold on! BROOKE: Hey. Jamie? Relax. He's gonna get you out of here. Okay? I promise. Julian... JULIAN: I can do it. BROOKE: Help him. JULIAN: I can do it. BROOKE: Julian, he's just a boy. JULIAN: I can get you out, Brooke! BROOKE: Julian, save him, and then save me. Please? He's just a boy. And he loves you, and so do I. JULIAN: I won't leave you here. BROOKE: I know. Now go. Go! Go! It's gonna be okay, jame. JAMIE: I'm gonna drown! JULIAN: Okay, come on. BROOKE: Pull! Pull! JULIAN: Come on! Oh! Okay. Come on. I got you. Let's go. JAMIE: Oh! JULIAN: I won't leave you! I'm coming back! BROOKE: I know! Go! (Julian brings back Jamie on the bridge) CLINN'S HOUSE Katie and Quinn fight. Katie wants to strangle it but Quinn succeeds in being released while pressing on the wound from Katie. Quinn flees. KATIE: You go on! Run into the storm! But I'm your storm! And I'll find you. Lie awake at night. Be afraid of the shadows. Be afraid to close your eyes, because when you do... I'll be there. Quinn, in anger, sinks right on Katie the growth to the balcony and they pass both over. They fall into the swimming pool. QUINN: No! GABEL BRIDGE Jamie comes again in the bridge. THE RIVER Julian comes to help Brooke to release herself. JULIAN: Brooke! BROOKE: Julian! JULIAN: Brooke! I'm here. Hold on, baby. BROOKE: Julian... JULIAN: Where's the crowbar? Where is it?! BROOKE: Julian... JULIAN: Please, God, where is it? This isn't happening. This isn't happening. We're gonna stay right here in Tree Hill, you and me, together! BROOKE: Julian... JULIAN: We won't go to Los Angeles. I'm never ever gonna leave you again. BROOKE: Julian? I love you. (Brooke cannot hold its head out of water any more) JULIAN: Brooke, I got it! I got it! Brooke! Brooke! CLINN'S HOUSE Katie goes back to surface. THE RIVER Julian tries to save Brooke. JULIAN: Come on, Brooke. Hold on, Brooke. JAMIE(on the bridge): Brooke! Julian! JULIAN: No! GABEL BRIGDE Jamie calls Julian and Brooke. JAMIE: Brooke, Julian! Brooke, Julian! Brooke, Julian! Brooke, Julian! Come on. Please. Come on. Jamie sees Julian leaving out of water with Brooke in the arms. JAMIE: Yes, you got her! Is she okay?! Julian, is she okay?! Julian! CLINN'S HOUSE Katie turns over in the house, happy that Quin is not to go back to water surface. In fact, Quinn is lying under the cover of the swimming pool, she can breathe. GABEL BRIGDE Julian poses Brooke on the ground to reanimate her. JAMIE Julian, is she okay?! JULIAN: I need you to go to the end of the bridge and wait for me, Jamie. JAMIE: But, Julian! JULIAN: I need you to do that, Jamie, now! Go! Come on, baby. Come back. Come on! Come on, Brooke! Breathe! CLINN'S HOUSE Quinn goes back to water surface. GABEL BRIGDE JULIAN: Come on, baby. Come on, breathe! Brooke, come on. Don't do this to me, baby. Come back to me! Come on, Brooke! CLINN'S HOUSE Katie prepares grape juice. She sees Quinn on the balcony, she is astonished. Quinn hurries outward journey in the room to take the revolver that Katie has drops presently. Katie arrives in the room. Quinn draws. KATIE: It's empty, you stupid... (Katie falls to ground) GABEL BRIDGE Nathan and Halley arrive on the bridge. JULIAN: Come on, Brooke! Breathe. HALEY: Is that...Jamie?! Stop, stop, stop, stop. Jamie! Jamie! Jamie, what are you doing out here?! Sweetheart! JAMIE: Aunt Brooke is dead. HALEY: What? NATHAN: Wait here. Just wait here. HALEY: Come, back to the car. Come on. JULIAN: Come on, baby. Come on, Brooke, breathe! Come on, Brooke, fight! Come on, Brooke! Come on! Brooke, come back! Come on! Come on! Breathe! Come back! Brooke! Come back! Julian stopped the cardiac massage and poses its head on the chest of Brooke. little time afterward, it intends the heart Brooke to beat. JULIAN: Come on, Brooke. Come on! Live! Oh. Yeah, baby, baby. Breathe, baby. Breathe. Come on. Oh, baby. (Brooke returns to the life) CLINN'S HOUSE Katie does not manage any more to breathe. KATIE: I can't... QUINN: Breathe? KATIE: Mm. QUINN: I know. It's okay. You'll pass out soon. But unlike me, you won't lay there for 12 hours. Only a psycho would let you do that. (Quinn stopped the music and cries in a corner) GABEL BRIDGE The ambulance arrived, they take along Brooke to the hospital. BROOKE: Julian? JULIAN: Right here. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere. CLINN'S HOUSE The ambulance arrived, they take along Katie to the hospital. QUINN: Wait. I'm your storm. NALEY'S HOUSE Nathan, Haley and Jamie sleep all in the same bed. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke sleeps on the knees of Julian. This one her caress the hair while holding the hand to her. CLINN'S HOUSE Quinn awakes. It is the morning. She opens carries it window of the room as a sign of found freedom. End of the episode.

A major hurricane hits Tree Hill and Katie comes back to finish what she started with Quinn and Clay, but she is eventually shot and stopped for good. Meanwhile, Brooke and Julian fight over moving to L.A. which angers Brooke and leaves, driving into the storm. As Brooke reaches the bridge she finds Lauren's car crashed on the bridge with Jamie, Chuck and Madison trapped inside. Brooke helps Chuck, Madison and Lauren and sends them to get help while Brooke rushes in to save Jamie who is stuck in the car. A passing vehicle knocks the car into the lake and Julian dives in after them. Julian manages to save Jamie and Brooke. This episode is named after a song by Bruce Springsteen . Opening theme song performed by Gavin DeGraw .

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[Scene: Car park. Dr Mitchell is walking to his car. Gavin (the warlock) is there.] Gavin: Excuse me, are you Dr Mitchell? Dr Oliver Mitchell? Dr Mitchell: Yes. Gavin: What a pleasure. I can't tell you how long I've waited for this. Dr Mitchell: Excuse me but have we ... Gavin: Met? I'm sorry, only in print. I've read your work. Your studies, specifically on cell degeneration are ahead of their time. Dr Mitchell: You're very kind. Gavin: No really. It's fascinating. You've become kind of a hobby of mine. I found your article on the mutant retina gene to be particularly intriguing. Dr Mitchell: But I haven't even -- Gavin: Published it yet? Don't worry, you will. And you'll help to find the vaccine. Dr Mitchell: The vaccine? Against what? Gavin: Against this. (A laser beam comes out of Gavin's forehead and burns a hole in Dr Mitchell's forehead.) [Scene: Movie theatre. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are waiting in line. Phoebe's holding a magic 8 ball.] Phoebe: (Reading the 8 ball) "Ask again later." Hello, vague. How am I suppose to plan my future without a little direction? Prue: You, who can see the future is now looking for a magic 8 ball. Phoebe: My visions don't help me remember. Piper: I've got an idea. Why don't we ask if Prue and Andy will get back together. Prue: Oh, Phoebe, please don't. (Phoebe shakes up the 8 ball.) Phoebe: Ooh... interesting. Piper: Very. (Piper's pager beeps. Prue tries to look at what the ball says but Phoebe shakes it up before she can see it.) Prue: You are cruel. Piper: I forget what a day off feels like. That was my boss, Martin. I have to get back to the restaurant. Prue: You're kidding? Piper: There's a convention in town and business is just crazy. Phoebe: But you worked a double shift yesterday and the day before that. He's working you to death, Piper. Prue: I thought that you were gonna talk to Martin about this weeks ago. Piper: I never got around to it. (She gets out her cell phone and dials the number.) Phoebe: Well, tell him to stuff it. Tell him you're taking the night off and that's that. Piper: I know, you're right. I will. (On the phone.) Hello, Martin. No, I know what you want but ... okay, no that's not a problem. I'll be right there. (She hangs up.) Prue: Wow, you told him. Phoebe: Beware of the wrath of Piper. Piper: I will talk to him... eventually. I gotta go. (She walks off.) Phoebe: Wait, Piper, I'll walk you to the car, it's safer. (Phoebe follows Piper.) Prue: (to herself) I'll wait here. Phoebe: (Walking past the people) Excuse me, pardon me. (She bumps into Gavin and has a premonition of him burning a hole in a woman's forehead.) Oh my God, Piper. Piper: What is it? Phoebe: I just had a premonition. A woman's about to get murdered. (A police car with its sirens on drives into the car park. Phoebe, Piper and Prue run into the car park. They see Dr Mitchell lying on the ground with the hole burnt in his head.) Prue: Oh my God. Piper: Phoebe saw this murder before it even happened. Phoebe: No, not this one. I think I saw the next one. Opening Credits [Scene: Halliwell manor. Kitchen. Piper's making coffee, Phoebe's pouring cereal in a bowl and Prue sits down to read the paper and drink her coffee.] Prue: Uh, is this leaded? Piper: Oh, yes. (Piper knocks the cereal off the table but freezes it before it hits the ground. She places the bin underneath it. The cereal unfreezes and falls in the bin. Leo walks in the kitchen.) Leo: Morning, ladies. Took a look at the staircase. Shouldn't be more than two days work. You mind if I get started? Piper: Nope, not at all. I'll get you some coffee. (Piper's pager beeps.) Phoebe: But you're busy. I'll get it. Be right there, Leo. (Leo leaves the kitchen.) Prue: When are you two gonna stop fighting over him and grow up? (You see Phoebe and Piper fighting over the coffee cup.) Piper: When Phoebe realizes that she doesn't have a chance with him. Phoebe: Well, that doesn't matter now because I have to go protect the innocent. Piper: So, we'll call it truce... temporarily. I'll just take this to Leo. (She does so.) Prue: You know you're only into him because Piper is. Phoebe: That is so not true. I'm wounded. Now, is there anything in there (the paper) about last nights murder? Prue: Nothing of any use. Phoebe: How am I suppose to figure out who the girl in my vision is? Prue: Well, what did she look like? Phoebe: Well, she was about 5' 3", hair was lightish. Prue: That's it? Phoebe: It's not on video tape. I can't just rewind it. Hey, you've got to talk to Andy. Prue: What? Phoebe: Well, if I can't find her, then I have to find the killer before he gets to her. Prue: Well, have you checked the Book of Shadows? From the way you described your vision that sounds like it could be demonic. Phoebe: Yeah, but for all we know, Andy's already hot on his trail. You have to go see him to find out. Prue: I can't. Phoebe: Won't. Prue: Phoebe, give me a break. We just stopped seeing each other. Don't you think it might be a bit awkward? Phoebe: Okay, then how about I go see him and you look in the Book Of Shadows. Prue: Phoebe... Phoebe: Prue, I had this vision for a reason. I'm supposed to save her, I know it and I have to find her. [Cut to the attic. Prue is there looking through the Book Of Shadows.] Prue: (to herself) I don't even know what I'm looking for. (She closes the book and heads towards the door. The book opens up the a truth spell by itself. Prue stops and walks back over to the book.) The Truth Spell. (She turns to a different page. The page turns back to the truth spell.) What the ... ? (She shuts the book and leaves the attic. The book opens back up to the spell.) [Scene: Quake. The place is full of people. Piper's sitting at the bar talking on the phone.] Piper: The truth is I need extra table cloths because ... (Some guy sitting next next to her spills his drink over her paperwork. Martin comes up to Piper.) Martin: I need this space. Can't you do this in the manager's office? Piper: You took my desk remember, Martin? Martin: Then go somewhere else. I've got a restaurant full of conventioners, I just ran out of white corn chowder and I need you to get hold of Protos pronto. Piper: What about the books? Martin: You can take them home with you. I come back after three weeks and the place is chaos. Piper: Martin, you know what I think? Martin: What? What do you think? Piper: I think I'm gonna need that number for Protos. [Scene: Bucklands. Prue's office. She's sitting at her desk staring at a photo of her and Andy together. Phoebe comes in.] Phoebe: Hey. Prue: Hey. Phoebe: Can I borrow your laptop? I need to do some surfing on the web, see if I can find anything about the burns on the victims forehead. What? Prue: Nothing. I just never thought of you being computer friendly. Phoebe: Are you kidding? Chat rooms saved my life. Prue: Um, so, did you talk to Andy? (She hands Phoebe her laptop.) Phoebe: Actually, I spoke to his partner instead. Prue: You told Morris? Phoebe: About the case? I didn't have to. Every inspector at the station was talking about it. The only problem is they're stumped. Did you find anything in the Book Of Shadows? Prue: Uh, I'm not sure. So, you didn't see Andy? Phoebe: No, I said I didn't talk to Andy. I saw him in the parking lot when I left. But, he had that look, Prue. You know the one I'm talking about. You might recognize it from the mirror. He really cares about you. Prue: Yeah, don't you think I know that? Phoebe: So what are you waiting for? Tell him the truth. It's the only thing that's standing between you guys. Prue: Tell him I'm a witch? I can't do that. What if he can't handle it? It's not like I can put the genie back in the bottle. Phoebe: He's not going to turn you into the warlock police. At least you'd know how he feels once and for all. Otherwise, you'll never know if it could of worked out or not. If I were you, I'd figure out how to tell him. Thank you for the laptop. (She leaves. The sandwich lady stands at the door.) Girl: Sandwich? Prue: Hey, Tanya. Sure. Tanya: I saved you your favourite. Turkey, no mayo. Prue: You're a good woman. Tanya: Bye. [Scene: Halliwell manor. Attic. Prue is looking at the truth spell in the Book Of Shadows.] Prue: Okay, you win. [Cut to outside. Piper opens the door. She's holding all the paper work. Phoebe comes up to her. Phoebe: Hey, stranger. Back from the war? Piper: More like I brought the battle home with me. Inventory. Phoebe: I'll help you with yours if you help me with mine. (They walk inside.) [Cut to the attic. Prue's saying the spell.] Prue: "For those who want the truth revealed, open hearts and secrets unsealed, from now until it's now again, after which the memories end." [Cut back to downstairs. Piper and Phoebe walk in the parlour.] Phoebe: I guess you didn't talk to your boss. Piper: Of course I did, just like I said I would. (They sit down on the couch.) Am I getting a zit on my chin? (Phoebe looks.) Phoebe: Can't even see it. [Cut back to the attic.] Prue: "Those who now are in this house, will hear the truth from others mouths." [Cut back to downstairs.] Piper: You really can't see it? Phoebe: Are you kidding? It looks like that thing has a life of its own. So you really told off Martin, huh? Piper: No, I lied. I chickened out. (They look at each other.) [Cut back to the attic. Prue's dialing on the phone. Andy's answering machine picks up.] Andy's voice: "Hi, you've reached Andy Trudeau. Leave your name and number and I'll get back to you. Thanks." Prue: Hi, Andy, it's-it's um, Prue. I was wondering if - could you just call me please, soon ... within the next twenty-four hours. I need to talk to you about something so, um, just call okay, alright, um, tonight would be fine too. Okay, bye. [Scene: Science lab. A lab technician is working on something. Gavin enters the room.] Gavin: Excuse me. Are you Mr. Pearson? Alex Pearson? Alex: Yeah, yeah, can I help you? Gavin: In so many ways. Working late tonight aren't you? Alex: Uh, yeah. I work better at night and the soil samples are just right for the bindora planteau. Gavin: Ahh, Zimbabwe. Their crops have been over run by disease for decades. Well, your work will put an end to that. Let's hope that's the reality. Alex: Are you from the foundation? They usually don't check up on us this late. Gavin: Oh, no, no. But I have studied your work and I know what it will lead to. Alex: My work, you mean the lab's. I'm really just the technician. Gavin: For now. But someday, someday you will help me find the vaccine. Alex: The vaccine? For what? Who are you? What do you want? Gavin: Your future. (A hole opens up in Gavin's forehead.) Alex: God, what is it? (Gavin puts a hole in Alex's forehead with a laser beam-like coming out of the hole.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Halliwell manor. Kitchen. Piper hands Prue a cup of coffee.] Prue: Thanks. Is this leaded? Piper: Nope. Prue: It's not? Piper: Never has been. I just say it because it's ridiculous to make two pots of coffee when you're the only one who drinks diesel. (Phoebe enters the kitchen.) Phoebe: Prue, don't give me grief when you get the phone bill. I was up all night on the internet and I didn't find anything. That poor girl. Oh, Piper, I'm sorry about the crack I made last night about your zit. Piper: That's okay. So you really can't see it? (Phoebe looks at it.) Phoebe: Like I said, it's huge. Piper: Something weird is going on. (Leo enters the kitchen.) Leo: Morning, ladies. I should be able to finish the stairs today. Piper: Okay, um, I'll make some more coffee. Phoebe: And I'll bring it to you. (Leo leaves.) Piper: Oh, here we go again, right? Phoebe: Piper, we both know the only reason I like Leo is because you do. Okay, I have no idea why I just said that. (to Prue) What's going on? Prue: Uh ... okay, I'm late for work, busy, gotta go. (She stands up and heads out the kitchen.) Piper: Prue! Prue: Yeah? Phoebe: Spill. What's up? Prue: I cast a truth spell. Phoebe/Piper: What!? Piper: You cast a truth spell? Prue: Yes, so please no more questions. Piper: Why? Prue: Because I wanted to know what Andy would think of me if he knew I was a witch. Piper: Oh. Phoebe: I can't believe it. Prue: Look who's talking Little Miss Spell of the week. Phoebe: No, no. I mean it can't believe you actually took my advice. The biggest pooper at the Wicca party has finally used her power for personal gain. About time. Piper: Personal is affecting us. Prue, what have you done? Prue: The spell was only suppose to work on me. Okay, it said those in this house. I thought I was alone. Phoebe: Well, obviously you weren't. Piper: Wait, we just have to, we have to undo it right now. Prue: Can't. Twenty-four hour time limit. Which means until eight o'clock tonight, everybody that comes in contact with us, will have no choice but to tell the truth. Piper: What do you mean no choice? Prue: Exactly that. Ask me a question. Phoebe: I'm gain. Prue, what do you think of me? Prue: Well, I admire your confidence and your fearlessness, your utter lack of responsibility frustrates me to no end. Oh God, that is so enough. Piper: Oh my God, this could be very dangerous. Phoebe: I'm kinda diggin' it. Piper, what do you really think of your boss? Piper: I think he's a self serving jerk who must have a very small pen1s. Oh my God, I'm gonna be so fired. Prue: No, no, no. It's okay because once the spell ends, no one will remember what they've heard. You guys, I just wanted to see how Andy would react. Phoebe: What a way to come out of the broom closet. Piper: Are you nuts? We just need to, we need to lock the doors, call in sick, and stay in our own bedrooms until it just goes away. Phoebe: Hello, there's a demon on the loose and I still have to find that woman. Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. Piper: A premonition? Phoebe: No. An epiphany. So you're telling me that everyone I ask a question to has to answer with the truth. Prue: I think so, yes. But that also means if we get asked a question, we have to answer the truth. Phoebe: I can work around that. This is cool. Very cool. (Phoebe grabs her coat in the foyer.) Piper: Phoebe, no, where are you going? (Phoebe leaves.) Don't even think about asking me what I think of you right now. [Scene: Police station. Phoebe walks up to Andy's desk.] Andy: Phoebe. Phoebe: Hi, Andy. Have you talked to Prue? Andy: She left a message on my machine last night. Wasn't sure if I wanted to call her back or not. Phoebe: Believe me, trust me, definitely wanna call her back. (Phoebe rummages around her purse looking for a pen and paper.) Andy: Is that why you came here? Phoebe: Hardly. What do you know about the guy they found murdered in the movie theatre parking lot the other night. Andy: The detective says he's not the only victim last night. They found a lab technician down in Oakland. Each of them had the same cauterized mark on their forehead and their eyes were drained with colour. They were completely white. Wait... Phoebe: Cause of death? Andy: Unknown. Looks like he took a bullet to the head only there's no exit wound and no bullet. Phoebe, this is highly... Phoebe: Any suspects? Andy: Not yet. Phoebe: Any evidence that could lead to a suspect? Andy: They found a button at the crime scene, possibly from the suspects jacket made of an alloy forensics have never seen before. What's with all these ... Phoebe: Ah-ah! Do not ask that question. I gotta go. Thanks. Don't forget to call Prue by eight o'clock tonight. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Bucklands. Prue's office. Prue's sitting there clicking her pen. The phone rings.] Prue: Hello? Uh, I mean, Prue Halliwell. Andy: Hey, it's me. Prue: Andy, hi. Andy: Phoebe stopped by. Suggested I give you a call. Prue: Phoebe ... yeah, but can we meet? I really don't want to talk over the phone. Andy: Should I be looking forward to this or dreading it? Prue: Honestly, I don't know. But what are you doing for dinner? An early dinner. Let's say now? Andy: It's lunchtime. (She looks at the clock and it says 12.35.) But I'm gonna be interviewing a witness in your area around five. I could swing round after. (Someone knocks on Prue's door.) Prue: Yeah. Um, here? Uh, I guess that's fine, all right. I'll see you then. (She hangs up. Tanya the sandwich girl walks in with Hannah behind her.) Hey Tanya. Hannah: Personal call, Prue? Prue: Personal business, Hannah, and I swear that that's my name on the door. Hannah: (She picks up a sandwich.) Oh, look. Less turkey, no mayo. My favourite. Tanya: Actually I was saving that for Prue. Hannah: Yeah, you were. Prue: Don't you hate turkey? Hannah: Of course I do. I just don't want you to have it. Prue: Is there any particular reason why you're such a bitch to me? (Rex walks up behind her.) Hannah: Yes, because it's my mission in life to destroy you. Rex: Well, nothing like a bit of inter-office rivalry to get those competitive juices flowing. Um, Hannah, a word. (They leave.) [Cut to Rex's office.] Rex: What the bloody hell do you think you're doing? Hannah: I don't know. It-it-it came out. Rex: No, no, no, it didn't just come out. You almost came out. Am I supposed to believe that all of a sudden you lost complete control of your faculties? Hannah. No. God, she's just so Prue. Forgive me. Rex: Always. Hey (He gets a cigar. She blows on it and it lights up.) Go on. Get back to work. [Scene: Halliwell manor. Living room. Piper is talking on the phone.] Piper: Martin, I can't work tonight, I have to do the books. (She listens.) Do the books and run the floor? That's impossible. (She listens.) But you don't unders-- Right now? I'm, on my way. (She hangs up.) Nice talking to you too, jerk. (Leo enters.) Leo: Hey, I had a little bit of an accident. You mind if I borrow your washer? (You see he has spilt coffee on his shirt.) Piper: No, not at all. Go right ahead. Can I get you some coffee? Leo: Ah, you better not. I'll just wind up knocking it all over again. (He starts walking towards the kitchen.) Piper: Leo, wait. Leo: Yeah? Piper: Can I ask you a question? Leo: Sure. Piper: Do you need another shirt? Leo: No, I got one in the truck. Thanks. Piper: Leo, wait that wasn't my question. Leo: It wasn't. Piper: No. I was just wondering do you ever think of me? Leo: Yeah. Piper: In what way? As a friend sort of way or Leo: You have beautiful eyes. Piper: That's a good way. Leo: I'm sorry. (They laugh.) That was totally inappropriate wasn't it? Piper: No, not at all. Ah, what the hell Leo, what do you think about women who make the first move? Leo: I'm still waiting for it to happen. (Piper kisses him.) Ahh how do you feel about guys who make the second move? Piper: Love them. (They kiss again.) [Scene: Bucklands. Prue's waiting outside an elevator. Rex walks around the corner.] Prue: Hi Rex. Rex: Hello Prue. How are you? (Phoebe walks up behind Prue.) Prue: I'm a nervous wreck because I am about to tell my boyfriend that I am a wi-- Phoebe: Ner. A winner. She is a real catch, this one is. (She laughs.) I'm Phoebe, her sister, we've met, remember? Rex: Yeah, how could I forget. (Prue and Phoebe walk away.) Phoebe: Okay, the spell is really working. Prue: Yeah, I know. So, you talked to Andy? Phoebe: I sure did. He gave me a list of all the victims. They all died the same way. The only problem is they don't have a suspect, and I have no way of finding her. (Tanya walks past.) Prue: Who, her? Phoebe: That's the girl from my premonition. Prue: Tanya? (Tanya gets in an elevator.) Phoebe: Wait, hold the elevator. (The elevator closes.) [Cut to inside the elevator. Gavin's there.] Gavin: (to Tanya) Excuse me. Are you Mrs. Parker? Tanya Parker? Tanya: Yes. Gavin You have been most difficult to find. Never in the same place, never alone. Tanya: Excuse me? [Cut back to Prue and Phoebe.] Prue: Are you sure? Phoebe: Yes. And that's the truth. Prue: Alright, um, take the stairs. I'll call security. [Cut to the car park. Gavin has a hold of Tanya and she's screaming. Phoebe runs out and on her way she grabs a glass bottle. Gavin starts putting a hole in Tanya's head with the laser. Phoebe hits Gavin over the head with the bottle.] Phoebe: Run Tanya, run. (Gavin turns around to face Phoebe. She hits him with the bottle again. Tanya runs to her car and Phoebe follows. They get in and drive off. Prue runs out with security.) Prue: Phoebe! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene Halliwell manor. Living room. Tanya's on the phone.] Tanya: Honey, I'm fine. (Phoebe walks in.) There's no reason to fly back early. I'm, um, staying with friends. I'll explain it all when you get home. Phoebe: Kids. Do you have any kids? Tanya: Not yet. Phoebe: Pets? Tanya: No. (on phone.) I love you too. (She hangs up.) Um, before I can explain any of this to my husband, you're gonna have to explain it to me. What is going on? Phoebe: Short story, you're in danger. And to keep you out of it, we're gonna have to keep you out of the obvious places, which is why you have to stay here. Tanya: But what was that thing? Phoebe: Truth spell. That thing was a demon. Tanya: I'm outta here. Phoebe: No, Tanya, he's killed before. Trust me. Call the cops. Check it out. That burn on your forehead, that's how he does it. I've seen it. Okay, I have visions, visions of people that I am supposed to help. I've seen his next victim. It's you. There are no coincidences. I was supposed to see you, to find you. And now I'm supposed to save you. [Scene: Quake. Piper's on the phone.] Piper: Romane, entrance three. (to Pheobe) Pheobe, you have her in there? At the house? No, I understand you have to protect the innocent, but couldn't you find one that makes a decent bernaise sauce. My kitchen is collapsing. I gotta go. I'll be there as soon as I can. (She hangs up) Martin, hi. Just the man I wanted to Martin: I made a list. You better check it twice. I'll be back after the dinner rush. Piper: Um, but I've got a family situation. Martin: So, you'd like to take off, go home, take care of business? Piper: Thank you Martin. Thank you for understanding. Martin: Oh, don't thank me. Because the answer's no. Piper: Alright Martin, what part of family situation do you not understand? Are you insane? No one person can do all of this. How do you expect me to do it all alone? Martin: Because I know you will. Piper: What? Martin: Why spend money on more employees when I know you'll do it. And you won't complain. I got a bargain. All the work for half the price. Piper, I don't know why I said that. Piper: Too late. Truths out, and so am I. You don't deserve me. I quit. [Scene: Bucklands. Prue walks in her office. Andy's there.] Prue: Andy, hi. Andy: Hello, Prue. Prue: I'm so sorry I'm late, my meeting ran over. Andy: Your assistant said I could wait here. I hope that's okay. Prue: Yeah, of course. Can I get you anything? Something to drink? Andy: I'm fine. How are you? Prue: A nervous wreck. You? Andy: Heart's pounding like a sledge hammer. Prue: Uh, so, Andy, how well do you think you really know me? Andy: Well, I know about your fondness for twizzers, how you can't stand it when people talk at the previews, how you like to argue to win, and how you pick your cuticles when you're nervous. And also know I'd love to see you again. I wish you can trust me enough to tell me whatever it is you're afraid of. Prue: Well, actually that's what I wanted to see you about except that instead of telling you I think I'll just show you, so here goes. See this? (He nods.) Watch. (She moves a pyramid thing with her powers. He jumps up out of his chair. He laughs.) Andy: What the hell was that? Prue: My secret. I did that with my mind. Andy: You're telekinetic? Prue: Yes. Well actually it's so much more than that. I'm a witch. (Andy laughs.) Andy: A what? Prue: A good witch. I have powers. I never wanted them. I didn't find out about them until recently. Right around the time that I ran into you again. Okay, you know all those times that I disappeared or would show up at a crime scene with no logical explanation? This is why. And believe me, I wanted to tell you but I couldn't. I couldn't tell anyone. (Andy is speechless.) Are are you okay. Andy: I don't know. I mean of all the things I thought you were hiding, this was actually no where on the list. Does this mean Piper and Phoebe are . Prue: Yeah. We inherited our powers from Mum and Grams. Andy: So, when you have kids Prue: If they're girls .yes. Andy: Wow. That's quite a secret you've hiding. Prue: Tell me about it. Andy: Can you change? I mean, is it something you can get rid of? Prue: No, Andy, I can't change who I am. And that's something I've recently come to accept. The question is can you? Andy: To tell you the truth I don't know, Prue. I honestly don't know. [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Living room. Tanya is looking through the Book of Shadows for the demon.] Phoebe: Did Prue talk to Andy? Piper: She didn't say. (to Tanya) Could you find anything in the Book of Shadows? Tanya: Nothing I recognize. Piper: So, Andy said the third victim was a professor at Stanford? What's the link? Phoebe: He may think it has something to do with what they're working on. Biogenetics. Piper: A professor, geneticist, a lab technician Tanya: And a sandwich girl? Do you really think he's after me? Phoebe: Uh-oh, truth spell. (She touches Tanya and has a premonition of her holding a baby.) Piper, we need more milk. Kitchen. (She goes to the kitchen.) She's carrying. Piper: Carrying what? Phoebe: A baby. She's pregnant. Piper: Ohh... Phoebe: No, no. She doesn't know yet. Piper: What do we do? Do we tell her? I mean, we protect. We don't do prenatal. Phoebe: No, this is not the kind of information Tanya needs right now. Especially from people she just met, who are telling her that some three-eyed demon wants to suck the life out of her. Suck the life out of her Wait a minute, is it possible that it's not Tanya he wants? That it's her baby. Piper: How would he know she's pregnant? Phoebe: I don't know, maybe he sees the future too. Or else he's from it. Piper: Excuse me? Phoebe: The button. The police found a button by one of the last victims made out of some kind of funky metal they've never seen before. Piper: Rewind. Phoebe: Okay, there's a button that's not supposed to exist, a demon that the Book of Shadows says doesn't exist, and a baby no one knows exists. You got a better explanation? Piper: Even if you're right, how do we find him? Phoebe: Well, he wants Tanya, he'll find us. Piper: He doesn't know where we are. Phoebe: Well, he found Tanya at Bucklands, he saw me with Prue. [Scene: Bucklands. Prue's office. Hannah's at the doorway.] Hannah: Hey, last one out gets the lights. I'm, uh, going home. So, lock up when you leave. Um, Prue, about what I said earlier ... Prue: Now's not a good time. Hannah: I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Prue: But you really wouldn't mean that would you? Hannah: No! (She leaves.) [Cut to outside Prue's office. Gavin walks around the corner heading for Prue's office.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Buckland's. Prue's office. Gavin enters.] Gavin: Excuse me. Are you Miss Halliwell? Prue Halliwell? Prue: Yes. Did we have an appointment? Gavin: No, actually I'm looking for someone and I believe you can help me. Prue: I find objects, not people. Gavin: Well, I think you might know her, I saw you talking to her earlier. Um, petite, brown hair, the two of you were over by the elevators. Prue: I don't remember. Gavin: Are you sure? Prue: What do you want with her? Gavin: She is hiding the woman I sent back to kill. Prue: Sent back from where? Gavin: The future. What are you doing? Prue: Why kill Tanya? Gavin: I don't want Tanya. I want what's inside her. Prue: And the others, why kill them? Gavin: Pieces of the puzzle. Pieces of the vaccine. Stop this! (He goes for her but she uses her power to push the desk up against him. She runs outside.) [Scene: Halliwell manor. Piper is ringing Prue.] Piper: Answer. Come on, Prue, pick up. (The answering machine picks up. Piper hangs up.) There's no answer, it's after five, it's going straight to voice mail. Phoebe: You have to go to Bucklands. Piper: Okay, I'll grab my keys, you grab Tanya. Phoebe: No, you have to go alone. If you bring Tanya with us and he's there, it's like bringing the feast to the lion and she can't stay here by herself. Piper: But I need you, Phoebe, we need you. Phoebe: I can't always be the power of three. Piper: But what if we come here and you're all alone? Phoebe: We'll be in the attic with the book. Piper: Okay, be careful. (They hug.) Phoebe: You too. [Scene: Bucklands. Prue's running down the stairs and Gavin's following. She runs in a store room and hides.] Gavin: I've got eight and a half months to find Tanya, Miss Halliwell. Plenty of time. Yours however, has run out. [Cut to Prue's office. Piper runs in.] Piper: Prue? (She sees the mess and Prue's purse on the floor.) Oh, no. (She runs back out of the office.) [Cut back to the store room.] Gavin: You can't hide from me forever. Prue: What's the vaccine for? What does it protect against? (He laughs.) Gavin: Against me of course. And all other warlocks like me in the future. The parker child will be the one to bring together all the elements to create the vaccine which will destroy us. (He finds Prue.) Unless I stop him. (He picks her up by her neck and his third eye thing opens up. Piper runs in and freezes him.) Piper: Hey, need a hand? Prue: Yeah! (Piper grabs a crowbar and loosens Gavin's grip.) Piper: He's not after Tanya, he's after her baby, she's pregnant. Prue: I know. Piper: Huh? Prue: Truth spell, later. Where's Phoebe? Piper: Home, protecting Tanya. Prue: Well, what are you waiting for, Piper? Whack him. Piper: No! Can't you move him? Prue: Where? He's from the future. Piper: Prue, he's gonna unfreeze soon. Prue: Piper, just do it. Piper: No, you do it. Prue: No, do it! Piper! (He unfreezes. Piper and Prue stick the crowbar in Gavin's third eye. Some big tornado thing comes and sucks him up.) Prue: I love it when they clean up after themselves. [Scene: Outside Andy's apartment.] Andy: Prue. Prue: Andy, I need to know how you feel about what I told you. Andy: I'm gonna need a little more time. Prue: I don't have time, Andy. I need to know before eight. Andy: Alright, won't you come inside and we'll talk about it. Prue: I can't. Andy: Prue ... Prue: Andy, no. Look, if I come inside and we'll have drinks, there'll be small talk and precious minutes will past. I need to know now. Can you or can you not accept that I am a witch? Andy: If I had to answer right now ... I don't think so, Prue. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it I guess. It's just in my future, I have a vision of having ... (A clock chimes. It's 8:00.) What were we just talking about? Prue: You don't remember? Andy: Honestly, no. Prue: You don't remember anything you've said to me in the last twenty-four hours? Andy: No. It's really weird. You wanna come inside? Prue: No, I have to go. (She kisses him.) Goodbye, Andy. (She walks around the corner and starts crying.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Quake. Piper and Phoebe are sitting at a table.] Phoebe: (to a waiter) Excuse me, hello. What good is saving the future when I can't get a glass of water in the present? Piper: Speaking of the future ... Where did Tanya go? Phoebe: Oh, she went to the bathroom. Morning sickness. Only she thinks it's the Halibut. Piper: Great, she'll probably sue the restaurant for food poisoning. Will this day ever end? Phoebe: Actually it did. It's 8:20, the spell is over, the world is a safer place. (Martin walks up to the table.) Martin: Piper, I see you sitting. What is wrong with this picture? Piper: You don't remember? Martin: Remember what? Piper, I need you in the kitchen pronto. We're down to sue chef. (He leaves.) Piper: I don't believe it. I finally stand up for myself and quit and he doesn't remember. Wait a minute, everybody else's forgotten the truth, why do we still remember it? Phoebe: Truth are consequences. Wiccan rule, right? Prue cast a spell for her own personal gain, now we have to deal with the fall out. Piper: I'll be right back. I need to remind Martin of something. Phoebe: Ooh, you go girl. (Piper walks in the kitchen.) Piper: Martin, we need to talk. (He throws her an apron.) Martin: Excuse you. Piper: I can not, no, I will not do everything by myself anymore. I need help. You restaurant needs help. You need another manager, sure chef, hostess and an extra bus boy on the weekends. If you will not agree to hire these people, than tell me now and I'll quit. Martin: What took you so long? All you had to do was ask. Piper: Really? I mean, okay. I'll see you tomorrow. Martin: But I-I-I just ... Piper: It's my night off. (She walks towards the door and pushes it open, hitting Leo in the face on the other side.) Oh, Leo! I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Leo: Yeah, fine, just, uh, surprised. Piper: Yeah, me too. What are you doing here? Leo: Well, I wanted to see you, I just um ... I have this really strange feeling that I did something that I should apologize for. Did I? Piper: No, no. Definitely not. Can I buy you a drink? [Cut to Phoebe. Prue walks up to the table.] Prue: Hey. Phoebe: Hey. How'd it go? Prue: Not well. Phoebe: Oh, Prue, I'm so sorry. Prue: Yeah, me too, but I cast the spell for an answer and I got it. Even if it wasn't the one I wanted. (They hug.)

Acting on Phoebe's premonition of a woman electrocuted magically through the center of her forehead, the sisters race to stop a mysterious warlock, who came from the future for killing those responsible for creating a vaccine against warlocks. Prue casts a truth spell to find out how Andy will react to her secret. Prue sadly finds out that Andy cannot handle the knowledge of her powers and the magical parallel reality she has to deal with. She breaks up with him while Prue and Piper vanquish the warlock before he can kill a pregnant woman whose baby he is truly after.

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COLONY IN SPACE BY: MALCOLM HULKE 6:10pm - 6:35pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. LEESON'S DOME (The DOCTOR holds up his sample tube for examination. Suddenly he sees something in the doorway and jumps up. A tank-like ROBOT glides into the room. Marked with a logo that reads "IMC", it has two razor sharp metal diggers on the end of its two arms. It moves swiftly towards the DOCTOR who falls back against a wrecked table as the ROBOT looms over him. A man walks into the dome.) CALDWELL: Right! (He is dressed in a red and black tunic uniform. He wears a similarly colored mining helmet and has a remote control device attached to his belt with which he operates the ROBOT. From his defensive position, the DOCTOR looks up at the stranger in puzzlement and wariness.) CALDWELL: You can get up now. (The DOCTOR rises to his feet.) DOCTOR: Thank you very much. You know, you really ought to keep this thing of yours under better control. (The man takes off his helmet and strokes his dark thinning hair into place. He sports a moustache and has a cheerful calm voice.) CALDWELL: (Smiles.) Yeah, I'm sorry. He's only a mark three servo-robot. He's not very bright. (He looks round. A note of concern enters his voice.) CALDWELL: What happened in here? DOCTOR: Well, I only wish I knew. Something attacked this place late last night. CALDWELL: Is it your place? DOCTOR: No. No, it belonged to two colonists. CALDWELL: (Surprised.) Colonists? According to Earth control, this planet hasn't been colonized. DOCTOR: It appears they we wrong, doesn't it? CALDWELL: Mmm. DOCTOR: May I ask what you're doing here? CALDWELL: IMC - Interplanetary Mining Corporation. We're doing a mineral survey. DOCTOR: How long have you been here? CALDWELL: We've just arrived. Colonists, eh? Well now we've got trouble. DOCTOR: (Sharply.) Why? Presumably you'll be moving to another planet? CALDWELL: Well, it isn't up to me. They'll have to sort that out at Earth control. Erm, what are you up to? DOCTOR: Erm, I, err, I'm, just making a few tests. CALDWELL: Are you some kind of scientist? DOCTOR: (Firmly.) I'm every kind of scientist. Now, if you'll excuse me. (The DOCTOR starts to head for the doorway.) CALDWELL: Look, I'm...on my way back to my spaceship. How about you coming back with me? (The DOCTOR has stopped making for the exit. He is stood between the upraised arms of the ROBOT.) DOCTOR: Well, I'd like to, but erm...I haven't really got the time. In any case, I ought to get back and tell the colonists that you've arrived. (The miner presses a button on his remote control and one of the ROBOT'S arms comes down before him - blocking his way.) CALDWELL: You have got plenty of time, you know. (The DOCTOR scratches his chin.) DOCTOR: Yes, well, I suppose I could spare you a few moments. (The man starts to put his helmet back on.) CALDWELL: You know, it's lucky no one was hurt. DOCTOR: What gave you that impression? CALDWELL: Well, surely, didn't you say...? DOCTOR: (Interrupting.) No, I didn't say anything of the sort. The two colonists that were living here have been killed! (The miner's self-confidence visibly disappears. He looks shocked.) CALDWELL: Two people killed? DOCTOR: That's right. (The miner collects himself.) CALDWELL: Erm, we'd better get moving. (He operates the remote and the ROBOT'S arm rises. The DOCTOR walks out of the dome as the ROBOT starts to turn to follow under CALDWELL'S operation.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. UXARIEUS. OUTSIDE THE LEESON'S DOME (Outside the dome is a small silver buggy emblazoned with the same "IMC" logo that appears on the ROBOT. The DOCTOR heads for it followed by CALDWELL. It is the DOCTOR who gets into the driver's seat. As he is about to start the vehicle he sees CALDWELL operating the remote control to the robot which now stands in the doorway of the Leeson's dome.) DOCTOR: What are you doing? CALDWELL: Programming Charlie to go back to the spaceship. (The antenna of the ROBOT turns as it receives instructions.) DOCTOR: Well, how far is your ship? CALDWELL: Only a few kilometers. (The DOCTOR nods, switches on the vehicle and drives off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. MAIN DOME. DINING HALL (NORTON wrapped in a blanket to keep him warm, sits at a table in the dining room quickly downing a bowl of soup. JO and some other colonists sit with him. WINTON brings him another bowl.) WINTON: So no one from your colony survived? NORTON: The lizards killed most of them. The primitives finished off the rest. JO: The primitives attacked you as well? NORTON: Well, after the lizards there were only a few survivors. When the primitives saw how weak we were, they...they turned on us. They killed my family, m...my friends - everyone! (NORTON tucks into his second bowl.) JO: (To WINTON.) Your primitives don't seem too hostile? WINTON: They were when we first got here. Some of my friends were killed. JO: You get on all right with them now. NORTON: Mmm so did we - till we were defenseless. (WINTON strides in anger across the room.) WINTON: Maybe now Robert Ashe will listen to me! We must move on to another planet. (JO gets up to confront him.) JO: You're not just gonna give up, are you? After all the work you've done here? WINTON: Well, there's a time to cut your losses! We can't even grow our own food. JO: I'm sure the Doctor will be able to help you. NORTON: (Suspiciously.) What Doctor? JO: They turned up out of nowhere - this girl and a man. NORTON: Who are they? Where do they come from? WINTON: (To JO.) Well? We don't really know much about you, you know? JO: We told you! We're explorers! WINTON: But just the two of you? With a spaceship all to yourselves? JO: That's right. NORTON: You work for the government? (At that moment a PRIMITIVE enters the room.) JO: No, we don't work for anybody, we just... (JO'S voice tails off as she sees NORTON'S frightened reaction. The ragged man jumps up and picks up a rifle pointing it at the PRIMITIVE.) JO: What are you doing? NORTON: They killed the survivors! All of them! Get out of the way! He'll kill you. (ASHE has entered the room.) ASHE: All right. Put that gun down! NORTON: (Frightened.) Y...y...you don't understand! You...you can't trust them! ASHE: (Shouts.) I said put that gun down! We have a truce with the primitives! We mustn't be the first to break it! (ASHE pulls the rifle from him.) WINTON: We have a truce all right, Robert. But only because you give them our food. (ASHE ignores him. He takes WINTON by the shoulder and starts to lead him out of the room.) ASHE: You need rest. Show him where he can lie down, somebody. (A colonist takes NORTON and starts to lead him out. The man turns in the doorway.) NORTON: One day you'll wish you'd listened to me. (He is led out. ASHE glances at WINTON and then goes up to the PRIMITIVE. HE speaks to him slowly and carefully.) ASHE: Wait outside - I will bring you food. (The PRIMITIVE pauses as it looks at the humans and then leaves. ASHE reaches into a cupboard and starts to pull out a food packet.) WINTON: Robert, we can't keep feeding these savages! ASHE: We've got to keep on good terms with them - for our own safety! (He turns for the door. WINTON is stood in his way.) ASHE: While I'm leader of this colony, we'll treat the primitives in my way. WINTON: Even if we starve? (The two stare each other down.) ASHE: (Quietly.) Get out of my way, David. (After a tense moment, WINTON steps aside and ASHE walks out. WINTON leans on a table despondently.) JO: He's right, you know. You ought to listen to him - he is your leader, isn't he? WINTON: Maybe that's been my mistake. [SCENE_BREAK] 4: EXT. UXARIEUS (The DOCTOR drives the small buggy down a rough track. They reach a rise and the DOCTOR looks round at the familiar landscape.) DOCTOR: The TARDIS - it's gone! (He drives the buggy off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: EXT. UXARIEUS. IMC ROCKET LANDING SITE (A small distance away sits the IMC rocket. A dirty red in color, its has an ornate tail fin on its back with several rockets attached and is emblazoned with the registration number "157".) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. IMC ROCKET. CONTROL ROOM (The captain of the IMC team - DENT - walks into the control room. This several manned consoles are at the back of the room, which is on a higher level. There are other consoles in the front lower section of the room. A large opaque screen acts as a part divide between the two parts of the room. The walls are studied with control panels All the men in the room, including DENT, wear the same red and black uniform as that worn by CALDWELL. The room is functional with little in the way of design that could be called luxurious or functional. DENT moves to his desk on the right of the room and presses a switch. The opaque screen loses its transparency and becomes a monitor, which shows a view of the barren wastelands outside the rocket. DENT is middle-aged and blond with a hard cruel face. A bulky dark-haired man - MORGAN - walks up to DENT'S desk with a paper report.) MORGAN: I've just got the first survey results. DENT: Well? (He takes the report from MORGAN and starts to look over it.) MORGAN: The computer predicts there's enough duralinium here to build one million living units on Earth. DENT: (Smiles.) Excellent. MORGAN: (Exasperated.) The thing I can't understand is why this planet was assigned for colonization! (DENT continues to read the report.) DENT: Does it matter? (An alarm quietly bleeps several times. MORGAN looks on the monitor on which the buggy carrying the DOCTOR and CALDWELL is shown.) MORGAN: Look - Caldwell's found us a colonist. Huh, I wonder why he's wearing fancy dress? DENT: All colonists are eccentric, Morgan, otherwise they wouldn't be colonists. MORGAN: Hmm, and what are you going to say to this "eccentric"? DENT: The usual story - that we've just arrived and we're surprised and shocked that the place has been colonized. MORGAN: Suppose they don't believe us? DENT: (Quietly.) It doesn't matter what they believe - they won't be here for long. [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. IMC ROCKET. CORRIDOR (Having entered the rocket, CALDWELL leads the DOCTOR round a corner of a metal corridor. The ROBOT waits in an alcove. CALDWELL presses a wall control and a door opens. CALDWELL gestures to the DOCTOR.) CALDWELL: Please? DOCTOR: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. IMC ROCKET. GUEST ROOM (The DOCTOR steps into a room. There is a table with several glasses and a stand-alone console in the middle of the room.) CALDWELL: And would you mind staying in here, please, while I let my colleagues know? DOCTOR: Yes, of course. CALDWELL: Erm, look make yourself at home. (He nods at the stand-alone console.) CALDWELL: That's the entertainment console. I shan't be long. DOCTOR: Right. (CALDWELL steps out and the door closes. The DOCTOR goes over to the console and sits at it. Whistling, he presses a button. On the other side of the room, a pair of curtains parts and a screen lights up showing a large gun firing and scenes of warfare. The DOCTOR looks somewhat shocked and repulsed by the sight.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. IMC ROCKET. CORRIDOR (CALDWELL strides purposefully down a corridor. He reaches the door to the control room. He sighs, collects his courage and walks in.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. IMC ROCKET. CONTROL ROOM (He walks up to DENT'S desk watched carefully by MORGAN.) CALDWELL: I've just brought a man in here. DENT: So I saw. CALDWELL: He was at the wrecked dome and he tells me that two people have been killed! (He points at MORGAN who gets up and walks towards them.) CALDWELL: (Shouts.) Now, he's only supposed to scare people off - not slaughter them! DENT: (To MORGAN.) Do you know about this, Morgan? MORGAN: (Quietly.) Yes - it was an accident. CALDWELL: (Shouts.) What do you mean - "accident"?! MORGAN: (Shouts.) They found me! They started shooting! What was I supposed to do - let myself get killed? DENT: You acted very foolishly, Morgan. You should never have let yourself be seen. CALDWELL: Foolishly? Dent, is that all you've got to say? DENT: Believe me, Caldwell, I regret this just as much as you do. CALDWELL: Oh, he... MORGAN: (Interrupts, shouting.) Look, there's no point in arguing about it! Besides, once these colonists have left this planet, there will be no more "regrettable incidents". CALDWELL: (To DENT.) Look, two people are dead and I want to know... (As he speaks, DENT gets up with the computer report.) DENT: (Interrupts.) You may care to look at this report... CALDWELL: I want to know for certain... DENT: (Interrupts, shouting.) Look at it! (CALDWELL starts to look over the report. His eyes widen as he sees the contents.) DENT: It's going to make you rich. This planet has enough duralinium to double the company's profits next year. Your bonus will be big enough to retire on. MORGAN: If we get rid of the colonists. (CALDWELL swallows...) CALDWELL: Yes, well all right, we can go ahead. But there's no need for anyone else to be killed. DENT: I think I'll have a chat with this colonist of yours. Be interesting to know the state of morale. (He leaves the room watched by a guilty looking CALDWELL.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. IMC ROCKET. GUEST ROOM (The DOCTOR is now watching a watching a report, which informs him of the over-crowding on Earth in the twenty-fifth century. A picture shows a number of large structures whilst a VOICE describes their purpose.) VOICE: Scientists have turned to new means for providing accommodation for our ever-increasing population. These floating islands, rising to three hundred stories, will make living space for five hundred million people. (The DOCTOR presses a button and the curtains close on the screen. At the same time, the door opens and DENT walks in. The DOCTOR stands and looks at the newcomer with suspicion.) DENT: I'm Captain Dent - in charge of this survey team. A great pleasure to meet you, Mister? (He holds out his hand.) DOCTOR: Not Mister - Doctor. How do you do? (They shake hands but the atmosphere between the two men is cold.) DENT: Well Doctor, it seems a most unfortunate mistake has been made. DOCTOR: I'm glad you admit it. I take it you're preparing to leave at once. DENT: It's not necessarily out mistake. As things have turned out, this planet doesn't seem very suitable for colonization. DOCTOR: Oh, why? DENT: I understand it's still infested with hostile animal life? (DENT goes and pours out two drinks.) DOCTOR: The hostile animals - if they exist - can be found and destroyed, sir. DENT: I admire your optimism. Is it shared by the other colonists? (The DOCTOR sits.) DOCTOR: Hmm! I'm not a colonist. I'm a visitor. DENT: I see, then you're not really concerned? DOCTOR: I'm very much concerned! DENT: The colonists shouldn't be here. My corporation has been assigned the mineral rights on this planet. Our preliminary survey indicates a...very rich concentration of duralinium. You know how the Earth needs that mineral. (He holds out a drink to the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: Earth - or your corporation's profits? DENT: What's good for IMC is good for Earth. There are...one hundred thousand million people back on Earth and they desperately need all the minerals we can find. DOCTOR: What those people need my dear sir, are new worlds to live in like this one! Worlds where they can live like human beings - not battery hens! DENT: That's not my concern. Minerals are needed - it's my job to find them. DOCTOR: Even if it means turning this planet into a slagheap? DENT: I can see we're on opposite sides, Doctor. DOCTOR: Perhaps. (He holds up his glass...) DOCTOR: Your health, sir. (...and takes a drink. He puts the glass down and stands.) DOCTOR: Now, if you'll excuse me. I've lost some very valuable equipment. Perhaps one of your colleagues told you about it - a tall blue box. DENT: He's probably enquiring about it now. I'll go and check. If you wouldn't mind waiting here, Doctor? I'll detail someone to escort you back to your friends. (He opens the door and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. IMC ROCKET. CONTROL ROOM (MORGAN walks across the control room and speaks into a microphone.) MORGAN: (Into microphone.) Air-sey prediction on section four-eight. [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. IMC ROCKET. CORRIDOR (DENT strides down a corridor, wiping his hands as he does so. He opens the door to the control room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. IMC ROCKET. CONTROL ROOM (He looks round as he enters the room and goes up to MORGAN.) DENT: Where's Caldwell? MORGAN: Oh, he's chasing up some lost equipment for your colonist friend. DENT: He isn't a colonist...or at least, so he said. (MORGAN looks at him, a look of puzzlement and nervousness on his face.) MORGAN: Then what's he doing here? DENT: I don't know, but I think he's dangerous. MORGAN: Do you think he's been sent by Earth government, checking up on us? DENT: Perhaps. MORGAN: What do you propose to do about it? DENT: You're going to take him back to his colonist friends. (He sits at his desk.) MORGAN: You're not serious? DENT: When Caldwell found him, he was investigating the wrecked dome. MORGAN: Well? DENT: If he were found in the ruins, it would be obvious the monsters had returned and killed him. (A small smile appears on CALDWELL'S face.) MORGAN: Leave it to me. (He heads for the door.) MORGAN: Oh by the way, you, erm...you will send the necessary machine? DENT: It'll be waiting when you arrive. (MORGAN starts to put on a pair of black gloves. The door to the room opens and CALDWELL enters with a report, which he hands to DENT. He adds another verbal report.) CALDWELL: Whatever that Doctor's lost, no one seems to have found it. DENT: (To MORGAN, coldly.) You'd better break the sad news, Morgan. (MORGAN nods and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. IMC ROCKET. GUEST ROOM (The DOCTOR is examining the locked door of the room searching for a sensor with which to open it. He gives up and turns away but hears footsteps approaching from the other side.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. IMC ROCKET. CORRIDOR (It is MORGAN who walks past the alcove with the ROBOT and up to the door. He puts his hand on the sensor and the door slides open - revealing a puzzled and angry DOCTOR stood in the doorway.) DOCTOR: Who the blazes are you?! MORGAN: My name's Morgan. DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Well, why was this door locked?! [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. IMC ROCKET. GUEST ROOM (He turns and walks back into the guestroom followed by MORGAN.) MORGAN: Was it? Must have jammed. I've been sent to take you back to your friends. DOCTOR: Well, where is the man who brought me here - and what happened to Captain Dent? MORGAN: I'm sorry, the Captain's busy. You've been handed over to me. DOCTOR: Oh, I see. Well I take it that your Captain is coming to see Ashe? MORGAN: (Puzzled.) Ashe? DOCTOR: The leader of the colonists! MORGAN: Oh, yes, yes! I'm to arrange the meeting. DOCTOR: How very formal. (The DOCTOR looks towards the door. MORGAN doesn't move. The DOCTOR speaks to him as if he were slightly simple.) DOCTOR: Well shall we go? MORGAN: After you...sir. (He gestures to the door. The DOCTOR walks out.) MORGAN: By the way... [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. IMC ROCKET. CORRIDOR (MORGAN follows.) MORGAN: ...Captain Dent wanted you to show me the dome that was wrecked. DOCTOR: Why? MORGAN: Well, we're just as interested in these creatures as you are. Who knows - they might attack us too? DOCTOR: Yes, that's a point. (They turn and walk off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: EXT. UXARIEUS (The buggy makes its return journey - the time driven by MORGAN. It suddenly comes to a halt. In the roadway ahead are three Primitives, all armed with spears.) MORGAN: Get out of the way! (They start pacing towards the buggy. MORGAN pulls out a gun.) DOCTOR: No! (But the DOCTOR is too quick and pushes the gun, deflecting the shot away. The DOCTOR gets out of the buggy and approaches the Primitives. One of them throws a spear, which the DOCTOR manages to catch and hold as a weapon. The other two Primitives rush him but, with many a cry, the DOCTOR fights them off using the spear as a stave. The two Primitives are made short work of and they lay stunned on the ground, however the DOCTOR'S spear is broken and is a useless stump. The third Primitive starts to swing a stone on a rope and rushes at the DOCTOR. He uses his broken spear as a lever onto which the Primitive lands and is then thrown into the air. The tussle over, MORGAN drives up in the buggy. He beeps the horn and the DOCTOR climbs in.) DOCTOR: Let's drive slowly, shall we? (They move off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. MAIN DOME. DINING HALL (JO is stirring more soup in the dining hall when MARY ASHE walks in with some boxes.) MARY ASHE: Can you get these ready, please Jo? JO: Yes, of course. What do I do with them? MARY ASHE: Just add water and serve...but be careful. (ASHE walks in.) JO: What do they taste like? MARY ASHE: All exactly the same! (They laugh. ASHE hugs and kisses his daughter.) ASHE: Hello, Mary, my dear. How's it going? MARY ASHE: She's getting on very well. JO: Have you seen the Doctor yet? ASHE: No, I haven't. JO: He's been gone a long time. ASHE: Now, don't worry. If he's not back soon, I'll go and look for him. (To MARY.) Have you seen Winton? MARY ASHE: Mmm, he's showing Norton round the dome. ASHE: Well, when you see him, tell him I want him. I'll be in my quarters. (ASHE walks out. JO is suspicious.) JO: Norton's made a remarkable recovery. (MARY looks at JO.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. MAIN DOME. POWER ROOM (In the dome's power room, a thin faced man - older than the other colonists - makes repairs to a squat unit in the middle of the room. The man - HOLDEN - is assisted by a PRIMITIVE. The walls of the room are covered with old-fashioned junction boxes and power units. The door to the small room opens and WINTON walks in with NORTON, who is still huddled in his blanket.) WINTON: This is our power supply junction box. (NORTON sees the PRIMITIVE and again reacts with suspicion.) NORTON: What's he doing? HOLDEN: Don't worry about him. He's my assistant. (HOLDEN raises up his left hand and the PRIMITIVE puts a tool into it. HOLDEN smiles.) HOLDEN: See what I mean? He gets the right one every time. Seems to know what's in my mind. Weren't your primitives like that? NORTON: No. We weren't so friendly with ours. (To WINTON.) Where do you get your power from? WINTON: Well we tap the ships nuclear generator and then beam the power through to the domes, as they need it. (To HOLDEN.) More trouble? HOLDEN: Naturally. This stuff should have been junked years ago. WINTON: Don't worry, you'll manage. You always do! Must be that sunny nature of yours. HOLDEN: (Flatly.) Thanks very much. WINTON: (To NORTON.) Well, shall we go back to the dining area? (NORTON nods and they leave. Without being asked, the PRIMITIVE passes HOLDEN a screwdriver. The little man smiles.) HOLDEN: Thanks! [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. MAIN DOME. DINING HALL (JO and MARY are lifting chairs off the tables onto the floor, ready for dinner. WINTON and NORTON walk in.) WINTON: Got you working, I see? And what time's dinner? JO: Not long now. (To NORTON.) How are you feeling? NORTON: Oh, much better. Still hungry. MARY ASHE: What do you think of our colony? NORTON: I think you're managing very well. WINTON: You mean considering how old the equipment is? NORTON: Well, some of it is getting on a bit. WINTON: Yes... JO: Was your colony better equipped? NORTON: Yes. Didn't do us much good. (To WINTON.) Err, that junction box of yours - it, err, looks dangerous. MARY ASHE: That's what Jim Holden says. But he manages to keep it going. NORTON: Is he your only electrician engineer? WINTON: He's the only one we could get to come with us. We'd be lost without him. MARY ASHE: Oh, my father was looking for you. He said he'd be in his quarters. WINTON: Oh. (To NORTON.) Err, look, can you look after yourself. NORTON: Well, yes, I...I feel a bit tired. I'll just go and lie down until dinner. WINTON: All right. See you then. (WINTON walks out and NORTON takes a sniff at the soup.) NORTON: (Smiles.) I'm looking forward to this. After a year of living off roots, you don't know how good that looks. (He walks out. JO looks puzzled.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. MAIN DOME. POWER ROOM (HOLDEN and the PRIMITIVE conclude their repairs.) HOLDEN: There. That should hold it for another few days. Put the tools away, will you? I just want to check the circuit relay. (HOLDEN puts some tools into the PRIMITIVE'S hands and turns to a wall junction box. The door opens and NORTON walks in. He throws off his blanket and raises a large spanner he has in his hand over the PRIMITIVE. He brings it crashing down as HOLDEN turns round.) HOLDEN: Are you crazy? (NORTON drops the spanner and picks up the PRIMITIVE'S spear, aiming it at HOLDEN.) HOLDEN: What do you think you're doing? No! [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. MAIN DOME. ASHE'S OFFICE (MARY walks into her father's office, followed by JO. ASHE is at his desk.) MARY ASHE: Dinner's ready, father. ASHE: Oh. (As he is about the get up, the lights in the room dim as the power fails.) ASHE: Oh, here we go again. MARY ASHE: Don't worry, Jim'll fix it. (She and JO laugh as NORTON rushes into the darkened room. He is again huddled in his blanket.) NORTON: You've got to come with me! ASHE: Don't worry. It was only a power failure. NORTON: No, you don't understand. Please, come with me! (He pulls ASHE along.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. MAIN DOME. POWER ROOM (HOLDEN lies dead in the room, near to the corpse of the PRIMITIVE who now lies on top of his spear. ASHE stops dead as he walks in, NORTON follows.) ASHE: What? (He rushes to HOLDEN and examines him.) ASHE: (Incredulous.) What happened? NORTON: I was just coming by. I saw it all! He didn't have a chance. ASHE: The primitive killed him? NORTON: He...he went for me too. I grabbed a spanner and hit him. It was self-defense - I had to. ASHE: I don't understand it. They were such friends. NORTON: They're all the same - treacherous. They get your confidence and then they turn on you. (ASHE looks at the unit in the center of the room.) ASHE: The relay circuits have been destroyed! NORTON: Your man must have caught him messing about with the controls. ASHE: But unless we get this repaired, the whole colony will come to a standstill! He was the only one who could fix it! (Behind ASHE, a satisfied NORTON looks on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: EXT. UXARIEUS. IMC ROCKET LANDING SITE (Aboard the IMC rocket...) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. IMC ROCKET. CONTROL ROOM (...DENT walks into the control room and goes up to a radio unit.) DENT: (Into microphone.) Warp this message direct to IMC headquarters, Earth. Put it on scramble. Code two-nine-three. (There is a signal of acknowledgement from the radio unit.) DENT: (Into microphone.) Survey ship four-three to IMC headquarters, Earth. Captain Dent speaking. Preliminary survey confirms rich deposits of duralinium on this planet. Complications occasioned by previously arrived colonists can be dealt with. (CALDWELL enters the room with a folder.) CALDWELL: I've been checking out the survey results. DENT: Well? CALDWELL: Well, you were right. This is a big strike. (CALDWELL sits in DENT'S chair.) DENT: This biggest we've ever had...and I want you to radio Earth your requirements for radio equipment. CALDWELL: Right. What about the colonists? DENT: Oh, they'll have left by the time it gets here. CALDWELL: You can't be sure. That Doctor seemed pretty determined, didn't he? DENT: He can be dealt with. CALDWELL: How do you mean? Where is he? DENT: On his way back to his friends - with Morgan. CALDWELL: You're the Captain, why didn't you go? (CALDWELL suddenly realizes what DENT'S statement implies.) CALDWELL: He isn't going to get back to his friends, is he? (DENT looks at CALDWELL, his tone remaining calm.) DENT: Morgan's completely reliable. CALDWELL: Yes, that's what I mean. (CALDWELL jumps up and makes for the door. DENT also gets up and heads him off.) DENT: Where do you think you're going? CALDWELL: Look, scaring people is one thing and I don't my lying to Earth government but murder... DENT: (Interrupting.) Stay where you are. CALDWELL: (Shouts.) Now, get out of my way! DENT: May I remind you that I am Captain of this ship and we are on an alien planet. If you strike me, I can have you executed without trial. (CALDWELL collects himself...) CALDWELL: We can persuade these people to go. We've done it before. DENT: That man you brought here was some kind of government spy. He was suspicious. CALDWELL: Well, it's still murder! DENT: Back on Earth, tens of thousands of people die every day - traffic accidents, suicides, pollution, epidemics... CALDWELL: (His voice rising.) They are not the same thing and you know it! DENT: (Shouts.) Caldwell! (Calmer.) The exploitation of this planet can make us both rich. You can enjoy luxury for the rest of your life if you go along with the corporation. CALDWELL: I could exist without IMC. DENT: You get on our blacklist, you'll never work again - for anyone. You're up to your ears in debt - I checked. Don't worry about the colonists, Caldwell. Just get on with your work - and let Morgan get on with his. (CALDWELL looks torn...) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: EXT. UXARIEUS. OUTSIDE THE LEESON'S DOME (MORGAN and the DOCTOR'S journey concludes outside the Leeson's dome. The two men get out of the buggy.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. LEESON'S DOME (They walk into the dome.) DOCTOR: Well, here are are. Though I must say I still don't quite understand why you wanted to come here. MORGAN: I wanted to see how much damage these creatures can cause. (The DOCTOR points.) DOCTOR: Well, you'll find some claw marks over there and some more over there. MORGAN: And you say these same marks were found on the two colonists? (MORGAN crouches down and looks at one set of claw marks.) DOCTOR: That's right. Oh yes, it was all very efficiently done. (He looks up at the DOCTOR.) MORGAN: What do you mean? DOCTOR: Well, I think the whole thing was faked by somebody who wanted to frighten the colonists away. MORGAN: These claw marks, I mean, something made them. DOCTOR: Yes, they could have been faked by some sort of mechanical device. (MORGAN stands up and operates the remote control for the ROBOT.) MORGAN: You mean with something like this? (The ROBOT glides into the room. In place of the two metal hands are two mock "monster" hands - complete with razor sharp claws. The DOCTOR spins round.) DOCTOR: Yes, yes - exactly like this! MORGAN: By the time they've found you, the monster will have claimed another victim. (The DOCTOR turns back to MORGAN and is about to jump him but the miner is too quick and raises its gun.) MORGAN: Keep back! Purely business, you understand. Nothing personal...

The Doctor discovers an Interplanetary Mining Corporation ship has landed on the planet in order to mine its duralinium, while Norton begins causing trouble at the colony.

fd_The_Originals_01x16

fd_The_Originals_01x16_0

FLASHBACK - 1000 YEARS AGO [A storm rages outside as a very young Rebekah lays in her bed, frightened. Young Klaus walks over to comfort her] REBEKAH: [sniffling and crying] KLAUS: Hush now. It's just a storm. Don't be afraid. I won't let it hurt you. [Klaus leaves to grab a small wooden toy, before returning to his little sister] REBEKAH: Nik, don't go. KLAUS: I carved it for father. It's a brave knight. Now you can be brave, too. REBEKAH: Will you stay with me 'til the storm ends? KLAUS: I will always stay with you, Rebekah. No matter what. END FLASHBACK LAFAYETTE CEMETERY [Klaus, Elijah, and Rebekah are in a standoff while all three are trapped in the cemetery. Klaus has the indestructible white oak stake, while Elijah is holding Papa Tunde's blade] KLAUS: Rebekah! ELIJAH: [to Klaus] Walk away. KLAUS: Don't move! ELIJAH: [to Rebekah] Leave us now. REBEKAH: [scared and angry] I can't. I'm stuck here. Elijah, he has the white oak stake. KLAUS: [points the stake in her direction] I brought it for you, sister. ELIJAH: [to Rebekah] Get out of his sight. Your presence here only serves to anger him. Leave him to me now. [to Klaus] [Rebekah vamp-speeds away] ELIJAH: I'm asking you, brother to brother--we end this nonsense now. KLAUS: You would side with that traitor. ELIJAH: I am not choosing sides, but I will not allow you to hurt our sister. KLAUS: We cannot leave this cemetery, Elijah. How long do you think you can defend her? [Klaus vamp-speeds away, but Elijah easily catches up with him and blocks him] [On the other side of the cemetery, Rebekah is on the phone with Marcel, updating him on what has happened] ELIJAH: As long as it takes, by whatever means necessary. TITLE CARD & OPENING CREDITS MARCEL: Do whatever it takes. Just stay alive. I promise you, I'll get you out of there. REBEKAH: I've never seen him like this before. He's out of his mind with rage, up all night howling one obscenity-laced tirade after the next. He's gonna kill me. MARCEL: Alright, stay as far away from him as you can. REBEKAH: That's a brilliant strategy. But, given that that dead bitch Celeste has trapped us in here 'til moonrise, my options are somewhat limited. MARCEL: I'm not leaving you in there. Davina will find a loophole, get you out early, then we can all go together. If Klaus comes after us, we will take him on one hell of a ride. REBEKAH: I lived for centuries looking over my shoulder, ready to run at a moment's notice. Am I to go back to that? MARCEL: Worry about that later. Right now, just buy me some time. I promise you, I'll get you out of there. [Marcel enters Davina's attic room with a bag. Davina is very pale, and looks extremely sad as she sits quietly on her bed] MARCEL: Hey, D, how you feelin'? Got you some stuff-- organic soap, and scented candles, some incense. Just trying to help you get back to feeling, you know, yourself. [beat] Word on the street is, the witches are celebrating. Three out of the four girls sacrificed in the Harvest have come back. First, it was your friend, Monique, and then another girl, now you. What I hear, the others are saying that the ancestors were with them while they were, uh, dead. You know, talking to them, teaching them. They say they're stronger than ever. Was it like that for you? DAVINA: [shakes her head, near tears] There was nothing. It was cold, empty, and dark. And it went on forever. MARCEL: [frowns, and sits next to her on the bed] I'm sorry, D. DAVINA: I don't want to talk about it. Please, Marcel, don't make me. ELIJAH: You've been at this for hours. To what end? Niklaus, I know you, and I grew up fighting you. I can't be beaten, nor can I be persuaded. You cannot get past me. KLAUS: I could get past you. Although, it might have to be over your dead body. You did stab me with that blade, forcing me to endure hours of unspeakable pain. Perhaps I should direct my rage toward you. [points the stake at him] ELIJAH: You should see yourself-- the murderous expression, the self-righteous posturing. You look like father. KLAUS: [angry, and upset] I'm not him. Rebekah's betrayal justifies my anger. His was that of a madman. You were never the recipient of his cruelty. None of you were-- not Kol, not Finn, None of you! I think you've forgotten what he was truly like. ELIJAH: No. I have not forgotten. FLASHBACK-- ~900 AD Mystic Falls [Young Elijah and Klaus are in the forest, where Elijah is helping Klaus learn how to shoot a bow and arrow. Klaus takes his aim at a deer] ELIJAH: Be still. Deep breath. Hold...NOW! [Klaus shoots the arrow, but misses the deer] ELIJAH: Your aim is improving. [pats Klaus on the shoulder with a smile] Next time! MIKAEL: You encourage him, Elijah, but he grows more pathetic every day. KLAUS: I'm not pathetic. MIKAEL: Do not talk back to me. You're not man enough to hold this weapon. If you can't hunt, you're nothing but a burden. KLAUS: I'm sorry. MIKAEL: [grabs Klaus by the front of the shirt] It's a shame we can't feed on sad-eyed apologies. It's your one and only skill. [He backhands Klaus across the face] ELIJAH: Father, stop. MIKAEL: Stay back, or you'll be next. The boy needs to be made strong. [kicks Klaus in the back as he's sprawled on the ground] END FLASHBACK LAFAYETTE CEMETERY [Klaus stares at Elijah after sharing the memory. Then, all of a sudden, Klaus vamp-speeds away. Elijah catches up with him quickly] ELIJAH: Niklaus, I understand your anger, but I implore you, be better than him. Do what he could not; demonstrate the grace of mercy, rather than this petty cruelty. KLAUS: You ask me to show mercy to one who has wronged me. You really don't know me at all, do you, brother? REBEKAH: Enough. Whatever I have done wrong, my guilt is nothing compared to yours. You want revenge? Fine. But, before you have it, I will look you in the eye and tell you why it was your cruelty and your spite that led us to this. KLAUS: Go on, then. Speak your piece, and when you are finished, I will grant you the punishment you deserve, even if I have to go through Elijah to do so. [Cami has arrived to Davina's room to check up on her, at Marcel's request] CAMI: Davina? [Cami sits down on the bed and hugs Davina] Marcel told me you were up here. Do you want to tell me what happened? DAVINA: [starts to cry] I died. And at first, I was alone, but then I heard them. Voices, whispering to me. CAMI: Who? DAVINA: The ancestors. They're so angry with me. I used my power against my own, and they said they'd do horrible things to me if I misuse my magic again. [Downstairs, a very sick Kieran and Marcel are having a disagreement] KIERAN: So, a century ago, you betrayed Klaus, the most dangerous vampire in history, and the only one that can save you is the girl that you had locked up in my attic. But, she's a basket case. So really, your only hope is my niece, psychoanalyst to resurrected teen witches. Does that about sum it up? MARCEL: [paces] You're pretty smug for a guy with a witch's hex. Davina's magic is your only shot at a cure. KIERAN: [stands up at walks over to Marcel] Let's not dance around the obvious. This hex is going to be the end of me. MARCEL: Look, every spell has a loophole. Alright? You, of all people, should have more faith. KIERAN: I lost my faith when Sean died. When I came back to New Orleans, I had nothing but hope of preventing a war between the vampires and the witches, and now the witches are out of control, and you allowed an original vampire to take control of the Quarter. No. There is no hope-- not for you, not for the city, and certainly not for me. MARCEL: I got Davina back, she will find a way to take down Klaus. KIERAN: No. He's going to get out of this trap that he's in, and when he does, he's going to find you, and he is going to tear you into pieces. You reap what you sow, Marcel. [Klaus, Elijah, and Rebekah are still in the cemetery, arguing. Klaus is perched on top of a tomb in order to pretend to be a judge] KLAUS: Let it begin. The trial of Rebekah Mikaelson. REBEKAH: [mutters to Elijah] What a relief. His ego is in check. ELIJAH: Just speak your truth. I'll make certain he behaves himself. KLAUS: You stand accused of betraying your own blood. How do you plead? REBEKAH: I plead you to shut up and listen. KLAUS: You summoned our father. You brought him to our home. What possible defense could you have? REBEKAH: I knew he was the only thing that you feared, and I wanted you to run. KLAUS: Because you hated me. REBEKAH: Because you were hateful. You denied me the freedom to love. KLAUS: Oh, so that's your defense You called Mikael-- the destroyer, the hunter of vampires-- because I detained you from pursuing some dull suitors. REBEKAH: You were cruel and controlling and manipulative. KLAUS: I was trying to protect you! From imbeciles, and leeches. Not to mention your own poor judgment. REBEKAH: And what about the one that you loved enough to call friend? Why did you forbid me to love Marcel? KLAUS: Do not mention his name. REBEKAH: What has happened to you? I remember the sweet boy who made me laugh and gave me gifts, who loved art and music. I wanted to be just like you. How could you have fallen so far? ELIJAH: You say you despise Rebekah for her betrayal, and yet no one has stood by your side for so long, not even I myself. Perhaps it's you that's forgotten. I remember the day that father caught you whittling little chess pieces with his hunting knife. He beat you so mercilessly and for so long, I actually feared for your life. FLASHBACK-- ~900 AD Mystic Falls [Mikael is brutally beating Klaus, who is curled in the fetal position on the floor, with a whip. Elijah rushes into the room to urge him to stop] ELIJAH: Father! Father, please! MIKAEL: Stay back! [Rebekah runs into the room with Mikael's sword in her hands, aiming it at her father] REBEKAH: Stop it! Stop it! I will not let you hurt him anymore! MIKAEL: You stand against me? For him?! [Mikael angrily grabs the sword from Rebekah's hands and leaves] END FLASHBACK KLAUS: So, you would paint her as a loyal sister, but she betrayed me out of lust for Marcel. Perhaps that was why you did it-- for love. Perhaps I might temper my rage if Rebekah will admit she was a victim of her own idiocy, that her great love, Marcel, used her to oust this family and to take my city. REBEKAH: Marcel did not manipulate me. KLAUS: You defend him, and yet you can't help but wonder, what if I'm right? REBEKAH: We loved each other. It was your refusal to respect that that led to your ruin. KLAUS: Then why didn't he chase after you when you fled New Orleans? Oh, yes! That's right. He was here stealing what I built! REBEKAH: You want me to renounce Marcel, to beg for your forgiveness? I won't. Marcel is not at fault. I called Mikael. ELIJAH: Rebekah, you must-- REBEKAH: [angrily screaming] I was the one who brought him to New Orleans because of your wickedness! I wanted love and happiness, and you denied me the freedom to have either. Yes, I hated and I was afraid of our father, but he was a lesser evil than you. My b*st*rd brother who loomed over me, threatening me as you are now. I wanted rid of you, and given the choice, I'd do it again! [Klaus, furious, lunges at Rebekah and pushes her against a tomb, and is just about to stake her in the heart when Elijah tackles him. When they get back up to their feet, Elijah has both Papa Tunde's blade AND the white oak stake] ELIJAH: Sister, leave us. REBEKAH: I'm not going-- ELIJAH: [cuts her off]--I said, leave us, please. [He watches her leave before he turns to face Klaus] You wouldn't listen to her. So, now, you must deal with me. [Cami continues to try to help Davina heal from her experiences on the Other Side] CAMI: I've studied the effects of trauma and abuse. The witches that forced you into that ritual, they've lied to you. They hurt you. DAVINA: Cami There's nothing you've studied in some book that can help me. CAMI: Okay, forget the books. Let me tell you what I know from experience. When my brother died, I never thought I'd be okay again. I cried for weeks. I blamed myself. I blamed him, and then I realized all that...sadness was swallowing me up. And I made a choice. I wasn't going to let it. You can make that choice, Davina. DAVINA: You say that like it's so simple, but the witches aren't just gonna let me go. They're not done with me. CAMI: No one can control you unless you let them. DAVINA: How do I even know who to trust? Should I trust Marcel? The first thing he did when I came back was try to use me again to help Rebekah. Be honest, Cami. Isn't there something you want, too? CAMI: Yeah. My uncle is sick. I thought you could help him. [Davina starts to cry again, so Cami rushes over to her and squeezes her hands comfortingly] That's not why I'm here. I care about you. I want to help you. CAMI: [frustrated] What can you do? When I came back, the voices I heard, they said the only ones who could help me are the witches. But, after what I did to them, they hate me. So, how can I go back and ask for their help now? [Outside Davina's room, Marcel has heard this entire conversation, and looks very sad] [Rebekah is in a tomb at the cemetery, talking to Marcel, who is still at St. Anne's] REBEKAH: What a fool I am. I actually thought Davina would come to the rescue. MARCEL: I'll get someone else. Whole town is full of witches. REBEKAH: All of whom despise you. MARCEL: I'll figure this out. Meantime, just don't piss Klaus off any more than he already is. REBEKAH: It's a little late for that. I may have provoked him further. But then, I didn't much care for his accusations that you seduced me into bringing Mikael. MARCEL: Wait a minute. I would never do that. REBEKAH: We almost got away. If we just kept going, we could be anywhere in the world by now. Klaus might've found us and killed us, but he'll do that, anyway. Would've been nice to have a little happiness first. MARCEL: He's not gonna kill you. You're his sister. REBEKAH: And you're like a son to him, and, believe me, he means to kill you. You know, I've never much thought about dying. One of the perks of being immortal, I guess. What an odd thing it is, to be here one minute and gone the next. Rather terrifying. MARCEL: Rebekah-- MARCEL: You need to run, Marcel. When the moon reaches its apex, Klaus will be free, and he will do to you what he's going to do to me, only worse. Go now and don't look back. [Rebekah hangs up on Marcel] [SCENE_BREAK] [Klaus and Elijah continue to fight] KLAUS: So what's it gonna be? You hold both weapons. Tunde's blade would put me down, but the stake could finish me off for good. ELIJAH: Well--unlike you, brother-- I have no taste for fratricide. [holds up stake] I only hold this to keep it from you. [holds off Papa Tunde's blade] This is just my insurance. KLAUS: Why must you defend her? Rebekah betrayed you, as well, when she brought Mikael here. ELIJAH: Because she is our sister, and because I like to remember her the way that she was before we became what we became. [He flashes back to the Mikaelson children, all five of them, as they wrestle and laugh outside] She was an innocent girl, quick to laugh, full of life. KLAUS: My memories serve to make her betrayal more painful. ELIJAH: Can you not then accept some small part of the blame? After all, Niklaus, it was your cruelty that led her to do what she did. KLAUS: Do you not see, Elijah? She didn't mean to chase me off. She wanted me dead. ELIJAH: You're wrong. KLAUS: She has always hated me. You know that's true. ELIJAH: You have no idea, do you? You have no idea what she was prepared to do for you. When our sister sees something that she perceives to be an injustice, she can be stubborn, impetuous, and, at times, downright dangerous, and never was this more apparent than the night she tried to kill our father. [In flashback, a young Rebekah grabs a knife, and wanders over to where Mikael was sleeping, fully ready to kill him] KLAUS: What is this, some melodramatic fiction designed to garner my sympathy? ELIJAH: It is the truth. I was there. And she would have done it, all to protect you, had I not stopped her. I often wished that I could revisit that moment, complete the task myself. [In flashback, Rebekah steels herself to kill Mikael as he slept, but before she could, Elijah discovered what she was about to do, and grabs the knife from her hand before yanking her back to her bed] KLAUS: Why are you telling me this now? ELIJAH: Niklaus, sometimes our sister acts without thinking. She's short of temper, she's quick to fall in love, but she loves you. But, your malicious treatment has broken her heart. So, yes, she responded by summoning our father. Yes, that was a mistake. I'm not entirely sure that I can blame her. KLAUS: I can. [Klaus vamp-speeds to the tomb where Rebekah is hiding, but Elijah beats him there, defensively holding a weapon in each of his hands] ELIJAH: Niklaus, so help me-- KLAUS: Are you really going to stand against me? And not with that pathetic blade. You'd just have to pull it out someday, and then I'd hate you as I do her, now. If you want to protect Rebekah, you'll need to use the white oak stake. ELIJAH: I don't have to listen to this nonsense. KLAUS: Oh, don't pretend you haven't thought about it. You look at me, and you see everything you abhor in yourself. Sure, you dress it up with your fancy suits and your handkerchiefs. You, with your mask of civility and eloquence, you're every bit the abomination I am. Or worse. Go on, Elijah. Go on. Use the white oak stake. [Elijah throws the white oak stake far away and glares at Klaus] ELIJAH: I'm not so cowardly that I have to kill you, Niklaus, but if I have to make you suffer to protect Rebekah, that is what I will do. KLAUS: [smirks] You see? I knew you couldn't do it. You still cling to the hope that I can be redeemed, and if the b*st*rd can be saved, then maybe there's hope for you. [Klaus vamp-speeds over to Elijah, grabs Papa Tunde's blade, and stabs it into Elijah's heart] There. Now you know how it feels. [Elijah falls to the ground, gasping in agony and glaring at Klaus] REBEKAH: That was supposed to be my line. [holds up the white oak stake] Now, I have this. So I decide who lives and who dies. I'm taking out that blade. KLAUS: You'll have to kill me first, and now you hold the means to do so. Why not finish what you started a century ago? REBEKAH: I did not want you dead. I wanted you to run. KLAUS: Liar! You wanted revenge. REBEKAH: You drove me to betray you, and now you want to twist it and make it worse so you can justify killing me instead of accepting your own fault? All I did was love your friend! You could've been happy for us, but instead, in your paranoia, you feared losing us both. And, because of that, you did. There is no one else to blame, Nik. Only you. KLAUS: Where is Marcel now, hmm? I thought he loved you, and yet he left you trapped in here with me. [Marcel has come to Genevieve to try to see if she will help him rescue Rebekah] GENEVIEVE: The trouble with the witches in this city is they lack direction. Fortunately, our coven has found a new leader-- me. You ask a favor of me, to lower Celeste's boundary spell, but you don't control the witches anymore. MARCEL: You want to help your people, you need to broker peace, a treaty with the vampires. I can help. GENEVIEVE: The last time I arrived for a negotiation, you tried to kill me. MARCEL: I learned my lesson-- If you can't beat them, make them an offer. So, here's the deal. You help me right now-- you have my word-- vampires stay out of the Cauldron, no more executions. GENEVIEVE: A nice start, but if you want my help lowering that spell, you're going to have to give us Davina Claire. MARCEL: Haven't your people done enough to that girl? GENEVIEVE: You must know it's your fault she suffered in death. She was shunned by the ancestors because of her alliance with you, but all that's over. Now, we can welcome her home. She will be revered by her people, and I will teach her how to control her power. Give her a home where she's safe, not surrounded by vampires. Bring Davina to us, and I'll find a way to break Celeste's spell. If not, well, let's just say that I won't be the one to mourn Rebekah. KLAUS: You against me. It's hardly a fair fight, is it? I mean, perhaps, if Marcel were here, you'd stand a chance, but I expect he's already found another girl. No doubt younger and prettier. REBEKAH: You take joy in other people's pain, and then you wonder why I hate you. KLAUS: Yes, and that hatred led you to do what you did. Admit the truth. Admit you wanted me dead. REBEKAH: I wanted you to run, that is all--despite your delusions. KLAUS: Elijah lies suffering, and I will allow you to help him. All you have to do is admit it. REBEKAH: You're insane. KLAUS: Yes! Yes! I am a vicious, heartless monster, and so you summoned Mikael to kill me. Admit it. REBEKAH: It's not true. KLAUS: You know what you did. Admit it. REBEKAH: I didn't. KLAUS: You wanted me dead! Admit it. REBEKAH: Maybe I did. Nik-- [Klaus, shocked that she actually admitted it, angrily stabs Rebekah with the white oak stake] [Later, Rebekah wakes up to find Klaus sitting, holding the white oak stake] REBEKAH: You missed my heart. KLAUS: Perhaps I did. Or, perhaps I never meant to kill you. Perhaps I just wanted you to feel a fraction the fear I felt when father came for me. REBEKAH: Do you yourself know the truth? KLAUS: I know this. You accuse me of being evil, and yet you are the one who conspired to kill your own blood. REBEKAH: You made our lives a living hell. You tormented us. KLAUS: I love my family-- You, Elijah. I loved all of you. [walks toward Rebekah and looks her in the eyes] I know I can be difficult, but I did not make myself this way. It was Mikael who ruined me. REBEKAH: [whispers quietly] He ruined me, too. That's what you forget. Centuries later, each of us is broken. You with your anger and paranoia, me with my fear of abandonment. And poor Elijah. [She looks over at where he's laying, Papa Tunde's blade still stuck in his chest] He dedicates himself to everyone but himself. We are the strongest creatures in the world, and yet, we are damaged beyond repair. We live without hope, but we will never die. We are the definition of "cursed." Always and forever. [Marcel returns to check on Cami and Davina] MARCEL: How is she? CAMI: Depressed. She needs real help. Maybe a stay in an institution where she can get round-the-clock care and medication. MARCEL: No, no, no. She stays in a place like that, she is never getting out. CAMI: You have a better idea? MARCEL: I could take her back to her people. CAMI: What? MARCEL: There are bigger things going on here, Cami. It's the only chance that she has. CAMI: We have to talk about this. MARCEL: I'm not asking for permission. [Klaus removes Papa Tunde's blade from Elijah's chest] KLAUS: Now, we're even. [Marcel completes his deal with Genevieve] GENEVIEVE: So we have a deal? MARCEL: Davina is asleep. When she wakes up, I'll explain everything. Then I'll bring her here. Meantime, we need to lower that barrier. GENEVIEVE: Celeste cast a powerful spell. Fortunately for you, she's gone. Her power bled back into the earth. [she lights a candle] Now, I can channel it, manipulate it. It'll take some doing, but then, I'm pretty good at what I do. MARCEL: One more thing, I need you to fix the priest. GENEVIEVE: [laughs] Sorry. A hex like that, if it's had time to take root, there's no undoing it. MARCEL: Fine. Just get Rebekah out. GENEVIEVE: I'll have to undo the entire spell. Can't let one Original out without letting them all out. MARCEL: It doesn't matter. And just so you know, even if Klaus is free, if you hurt Davina in any way-- GENEVIEVE: [smirks] Marcel, it's over. You lost. Try and have a little dignity. REBEKAH: We're still trapped in here. Whatever you're going to do to me, do it now. KLAUS: You said our father ruined us. And I can't help but wonder, what if his father ruined him? [A strong gust of wind blows the gate to the cemetery open, indicating the spell has been broken] KLAUS: The barrier is down. REBEKAH: I know you hate me, but what's done is done. KLAUS: What's done is never done. It remains within us, a story we tell ourselves so we know who we are. Vicious father, a b*st*rd son, and the sister who betrayed him. Perhaps it's time for a new story. What is it you want, Rebekah? REBEKAH: Same things that I've wanted since I was a child. I want a home. I want a family. I want someone to love me, and I want to live. KLAUS: Then go. Go far away and never come back. We are far too damaged to remain together, less a family now than a volatile mix of ingredients. New Orleans will be mine. I will raise my child here in the city you took from me. No doubt, Elijah will choose to stay, but you? Sister, you are free. [Shocked, Rebekah takes one last look at her brother and leaves the cemetery, as Klaus watches her walk away] [Rebekah is rounding up the rest of her possessions when Elijah finds her] ELIJAH: I thought I might find you here. REBEKAH: I just came to collect the last of my things that didn't burn to ash. I'll be leaving shortly. I don't suppose you have any desire to join me. ELIJAH: [smiles awkwardly] I do hope you find everything you're looking for. REBEKAH: Elijah, when I brought Mikael, I never for a second meant to hurt you. ELIJAH: I know. REBEKAH: I was certain that Klaus meant to kill me. Whether he never really did at all, or he changed his mind...maybe somewhere, deep down, he still is the brother we once knew. ELIJAH: Very deep, but he's still in there. REBEKAH: Help him find his way. [She gives Elijah a kiss on the cheek before she leaves] [Klaus returns home to find Marcel and the rest of the vampires congregated in the courtyard] KLAUS: Is there a reason why you lot are loitering in my home? MARCEL: I asked them to be here. You and I need to settle this out in the open. KLAUS: I thought you would've run off by now. MARCEL: Yeah. Well, this is my town. You may want me to beg forgiveness, but I'm not sorry. I may not be able to beat you, but I came here to face you, to end this in front of my people. If you're gonna kill me for that, get on with it. [Klaus looks like he's about to say something, but instead, he remains silent and heads for his room. Marcel and the other vampires are confused, until Elijah walks into the courtyard. He vamp-speeds over to Marcel and throws him against the wall] ELIJAH: Good evening. I trust I need no introduction. After all, this was once my family home. Tonight I'm taking it back. [to the crowd] Your privileges here have been revoked. [to Marcel] Marcellus, out of respect for my sister, I will grant you this one mercy. I will allow you to keep your life. [points at him] However, you're hereby exiled. If I so much as find a trace of you in the French Quarter, it will not end well for you. Do you understand? [beat] That is all. Run along. KLAUS: [watches from the balcony as the vampires start to file out of the compound] Nicely done, brother. You're beginning to sound like me. I'm impressed. [Rebekah has met Marcel back behind the plantation house, where Esther was buried for the Harvest ritual] REBEKAH: I was thinking, my mother was consecrated and buried here. She is forever bound to this land, but not me. [smiles] I'm finally free. And you. MARCEL: Your brothers came in this town like they own the place. Like they own me. Took my home, my people, everything. I can't just run away. REBEKAH: I'm not asking you to. I'm not a fool. I see how much you love this city, and I am not the kind of girl who likes to share. [Marcel starts to walk away] REBEKAH: [calls out after him] I do wish you had finished building our home. Even if I'd never set foot inside, it would have been nice if there was something beautiful left standing after all of this. [Marcel grabs Rebekah's arm as she turns to go, and they kiss passionately for a long moment] REBEKAH: [smiles] Good-bye, Marcel Gerard. Do try to stay alive. [Rebekah makes a pitstop to the bayou before leaving town, and joins Hayley outside, enjoying a bonfire] HAYLEY: Rebekah, what are you doing here? REBEKAH: I came to say good-bye. HAYLEY: What happened to us girls sticking together? REBEKAH: Well, Nik and I came to a sort of all-or-nothing arrangement. I leave town for good, and he allows me to. Can't pass that up. HAYLEY: [laughs sadly] A thousand years with Klaus? I guess you deserve a few vacation days. REBEKAH: Listen. About Nik, he is a monster. Do not ever cross him. But, he does want more from life than to just be feared. He's too broken to find it himself, but I do believe there is hope for him in the baby that you carry. And speaking of your child--our family has no shortage of enemies. She will inherit all of them. Please, be careful. HAYLEY: You know, you can always come back and visit. I've been known to keep a secret or two from Klaus. REBEKAH: Well, if I can't, you make sure to tell that little girl stories of her crazy Auntie Beks. And let her know, despite my absence, I do love her very much. [Rebekah walks away] [Closing montage: Klaus goes to his study and pulls out a wooden box. Inside is the little wooden knight Klaus carved over 1,000 years ago that he gave to Rebekah during the storm, among other things. He remembers back when he and Rebekah were children, and starts to tear up. Meanwhile, Rebekah is on the highway out of New Orleans in her red convertible. At first, she seems anxious, but after a moment, she smiles]

Since Davina has returned, Marcel hopes to save Rebekah, who is stuck in the Cemetery with Klaus and Elijah because of Celeste's spell. Cami meets Davina, who immediately finds that she visited her with a purpose, which is to reverse the spell over her uncle. Marcel turns to Genevieve in order to save Rebekah's life, which she agrees with the deal to have Davina returned to the witches. Klaus viciously stabs Elijah with Papa Tunde's blade, and later Rebekah with the White Oak Stake, however he doesn't kill her. Instead, Klaus frees Rebekah and leaves her to finally live the life she always wanted. After a farewell with Elijah, Marcel and Hayley, Rebekah finally leaves New Orleans.

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"Heart of Mine" 38th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 2ADA16 [SCENE_BREAK] (The episode opens with Liz twirling down the bowling lanes in her prom dress and socks.) Liz: It's April 27th. I'm Liz Parker and I think I've figured out why I haven't written in this journal in nearly a year. (The scene changes to her balcony and we see Liz writing in her journal.) Liz: It's just ironic that I would figure something out really deep from like the least deep guy in America. (The scene changes to a restaurant where Liz and Sean are sitting at a table.) (Sean is regaling her with a polar bear joke, throwing fries up in the air to catch in his mouth while she just watches him with a slight smile on her face. Then we see them sitting inside his VW bug outside of the Crashdown Cafe. They look at each other. Sean clears his throat.) Sean: You wanna go bowling? Liz: Um, uh, I think that the alley is closed. Sean: To the public. Liz: Oh. Sean: I have access. Liz: Well, yeah, but it's a weeknight so I probably shouldn't. You know... commit a felony. Sean: he gives a small chuckle Yeah, that's cool, maybe some other time. Liz: Look Sean, you know despite what people say, I think you're a really nice guy. Sean: There's something about you Liz. Liz: What?? Sean: I've just always thought there was something about you, you know. Something special. Liz: Thank you Sean, thanks, a lot. Uh, good... good night Sean. Sean: Good night Liz. (Sean leans over and kisses her, she kisses back but breaks it off first, then looks away, looking upset.) [ OPENING CREDITS ] (The scene opens in the school bathroom, Liz sitting on the counter, Maria is reflected in the mirror.) Liz: No. One minute I was letting him down easy and the next minute he was kissing me, what was I supposed to do? Maria: I don' know, a swift kick to the huevos comes to mind. Liz You know what the most annoying part of all of this is? I can't stop thinking what Max would think. I mean why? Right? We're not even together. God, I have spent two years of my life involved in this thing with Max and I don't even have a date for the prom. And now I feel guilty. Why... why should I feel guilty? Maria: Oh you shouldn't feel guilty, it was a non kiss, it's not like you would kiss Sean back. Right? Big pause while they look at each other, then the truth dawns on Maria Eww! I'm gonna be sick! (Scene switches to Max and Michael entering the school.) Michael: So you actually remember our planet? Max: Yes! Michael: What are the chicks like? Max: If you're not going to take this seriously... Michael: I seriously wanna know what the chicks are like. Max: It's not that literal, they're just these images. In one way I have this, this really clear feeling about everything. In another way everything seems so ephemeral. You know, uh... Michael: ... transient, fleeting, impermanent, I know what ephemeral means Maxwell. It's my life. Max: Michael, I remember everyone. You, Isabel... (He looks up and sees Tess walking and laughing with Kyle.) Max: For some reason Tess is the clearest. (Scene changes to two couples sitting at a table in what appears to be the library. Their conversation catches Isabels attention, who is standing a short distance away reading a book.) The Guy: Um, Allie,um I know we've been friends for a long time and I, I wouldn't want to do anything to risk that. But I'm just, I'm just starting to feel like we're more than just, than just friends. Ya know? Allie: You are? The Guy: Uh, yeah, anyway, i was just wondering if you wanted to go with me to the prom? Allie: Of course! I can't wait to get a dress... (Isabel smiles wistfully, happy for the couple.) (Scene changes to Maria and Michael looking at a poster for Prom.) Michael: Just kill me now. I don't do proms. I don't believe in them. Maria: You don't believe in them?! Michael: The whole thing is totally bogus. It's completely unnatural. Maria: You know what? I, I find it to be really unnatural that you're half alien warrior and half Grandpa Dupree! But I make do. Michael: I knew you were going to make this thing into a whole issue. Maria: Oh my God! This is potentially one of the five greatest nights of my life! And if you're not going to do your part in providing that for me, then I'm just gonna, I'm gonna seek other options. It's what I'm gonna do. Michael: So what are you saying, that we're seeing other people? Maria: Oh my God, you are so annoying! Michael: Fine then we're seeing other people. Maria: Fine! (He turns and walks away.) (The scene changes to Kyle sitting down, reading one of his Buddha books.) (Malamoot sits down next to him.) Malamoot: pats Kyle on the shoulder Valenti Kyle: Kyle gives a deep sigh, looks at him Malamoot Malamoot: You still reading this Hinduism crap? Kyle: It's Buddhism. And if you're asking about my spiritual journey, I'm touched. Malamoot: Well, no, actually, I was wondering if it's gonna help you get into Tess Hardings pants. Kyle: Right Malamoot: No, I'm serious man. How long are you going to let that blonde little hottie live under your roof, before you make your move? (Scene changes to Liz, outside at a table, writing. Max walks up.) Max: Hey Liz: Oh, hey. Max: There's a, there's something I've been wanting to tell you. Liz: Yeah? (Off to the side we see a couple hug in excitement, obviously more coupling for the prom going on.) Liz: the prom Max: yeah Liz: yeah, it seems like Michael and Maria aren't going. Max: Well, I, I think that one might be a little too early to call. Liz: It's really weird. You know... A year ago I was so certain that the four of us would go together. I always picture that moment, you know, walking in through those double doors together. I even bought a dress. Max: You did? Liz: Yeah. Well, you know it was around that time last year when we first kissed and everything seeemed so... Max: ...simpler. Liz: Yeah. Max, I know that we're not seeing each other and I accept that, I do. But, um, this is my prom, you know, it really means a lot to me. I, I've put a lot of thought into it. Max: Well, you know, we can go. Liz: We can? Max: Yeah, I mean, okay, fine, we're not together, but we're also not with anyone else. Liz: Right. I, I mean it doesn't have to be some life changing thing. It can just... you know we can just go and have a good time. Max: I would love that. Liz: Me too. Oh, um, so was there something that you wanted to tell me. Max: Right, I'm starting to remember things. About my planet, my life, my other life. Liz: Wow. Max: Yeah, yeah, it's, it's weird, like, for the first time I can remember things. You know, like what it smelled like. What it felt like to be there. Liz: Yeah, that, that's great. Max: Yeah, I've been dying to tell you. Liz: Yeah, yeah, that, that, that must be really exciting. Wow, so um, do you remember like actual people, you know, like Michael and Isabel? Max: Yeah, more like their energy than what anyone actually looks like. Liz: Right, what about Tess? Max: Yeah, I remember her too. Liz: That's great. (Scene opens to Liz running down the sidewalk, trying to catch the bus, that's just left without her.) Liz: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Driver! Driver please wait! she slows down Damn (Meanwhile, Sean has pulled up in his green VW bug.) Sean: Need a ride? Liz: No, I'm fine. Sean: Parker, about the other night... look I, I totally misread my cards. All right? I thought I caught a vibe. Liz: Well, you didn't. Sean: Come on, let me.. there's not going to be another bus for half hour. Let me give you a ride to school. Consider it my apology. (She accepts and they pull up to the curb near school.) Liz: Why, why are you stopping? The school's 2 blocks ahead. Sean: This is as far as I can go. From a legal point of view. Liz: What? Are you kidding? Sean: Uh, it's a condition of my probation. You know, like I'm not allowed to be within a thousand feet of the school. But um, if you want a ride home I could uh, I could wait for ya. Liz: No I just, I think I'm gonna have to take the bus. Sean: Right. Liz: Okay. Sean: Hey... Liz: hmmm? Sean: Listen, about the other night, um... I, I know it was a mistake what I did, okay? But I, I just wanted to say that when, when we kissed, it was um, it was the first time that I ever felt at home, in this town. So... Liz: Look, Sean, I'm, I'm going to the prom with Max. Sean: Oh, well, you should've just told me you guys were back together. I mean, I don't feed off another man's taco platter, so... Liz: No, well, we're not back together, we're just going to the prom. Sean: Right. Liz: mm hmm Sean: Hey, my hat's off to the guy. Liz: What is that suppose to mean? Sean: Nothing, just uh, you know, nice operation he's got going... Liz: An operation? Sean: Yeah, I mean, you know, he's free to play the field and yet he's keeping you off the market. Liz: That's not what's happening Sean. You have no idea who Max is okay? Because if you knew him you would know that he is above and beyond that way of thinking. He is an incredibly, incredibly honorable guy. (Scene changes to Michael at his locker and Maria approaches him.) Maria: So, missed your shift last night. Michael: Alien business. Maria: Well, we're both off tonight so I'm willing to let you take me to dinner and a movie so you can make up for your assinine comments yesterday. Which um, by the way, I think it's very big of me. Michael: I can't make it tonight. Maria: You can't make it? Michael: Naw, I got plans. (He walks away and leaves her standing alone.) (The scene changes to the library where Isabel is sitting at a table with Alex.) Isabel: So I think Billy Sorian is going to ask me to prom. Alex: Billy, huh? Are you sure? Cuz I heard he was taking Amy Green. Isabel: Well, the point is, I would've said no. Alex: Oh. Isabel: What about you Alex? Anyone special? Alex: Not right now. Isabel: Really? Maybe someone special, from your past, who's ready now and before she wasn't. Alex: Isabel, it would be my dream to take you to prom. (Isabel smiles.) Alex: But then we'd wake up the next morning and you'd be onto the next thing and I'd be right back where I was before Sweden. You know, obssessed, pathetic and lovesick. So, I think, amazingly, my answer is no. I'm not going to take you to prom. Okay. (Isabel appears uncomfortable and upset.) (Scene changes to Tess's room, Kyle knocks to come in.) Tess: Oh Kyle, hey. Kyle: Hey. Tess: What's up? Kyle: Last year, I went to the prom with Trudy MacIntire. Tess: Oh Trudy, she's cute. Kyle: Yeah, and so we went, and everything was okay, but I didn't really know her, ah, so we didn't really have much to talk about, much to say to each other. And so I realized that I feel like I really know you. Which is unusual for me with girls and uh, anyway, I just... feel free to say no, or laugh or be outraged or whatever, but would you... want to go to the prom? You know, with me? Tess: You know, I'd really like that Kyle. Kyle: Oh Tess: Thank you. (Scene changes to Liz and Maria breaking into Michaels apartment with a credit card.) Liz: I can't believe that we're breaking into Michael's apartment. Maria: Believe it. Liz: I just know that we're going to regret this. Maria: Well, yeah, if we don't find any evidence. Liz: Of what?? Maria: That he's seeing someone else! Hello! Liz: This whole thing came up yesterday. How could he already have another girlfriend? Maria: That's exactly my point Liz. He obviously already had this bimbo on the side and was just looking for an excuse to break up with me, ya know? Liz: No, I just think that you are overreacting. (Maria finds a tablet and scribbles on it with a pencil until the name and address of a girl named Juanita shows up. She shows it to Liz.) Liz: Oh Maria: b*st*rd! (We see a house being watched through the perspective of binoculars and find that Maria and Liz are watching this Juanita's house.) Liz: I cannot believe that Michael is seeing another woman, I just, I won't. I... Maria: Snap out of it sister! Juanita! Maria points to her house. Homewrecker! Liz: I can't believe what is going on with you and Michael and me and Max. Maria: Liz, what are you talking about? You and Max are going to prom. Liz: I don't know, I just feel Max and I going in two different directions, like, it's like we're not able to just separate? (In the window we see a woman and Michael coming up to hold her.) Liz: Makes you realize how, like, easy things change. Because people meet other people. I could meet another guy. Or Max could meet another girl, and... Maria: Or Michael could meet another woman. (Scene changes to Max's bedroom. He and Tess are both sitting on the bed facing each other.) Tess: Okay, just think about everything that you remember. What did it look like? Feel like? Smell like? You're not concentrating. Max: Yes I am. Tess: Something's getting in your way. What's going on with you? Max: Actually there is something I should probably tell you. Liz and I are going to the prom. Tess: So? Max, I, I don't care about that stuff. That's not what's important here. This is what's imortant and we can do it. Let's try again. (Scene changes to outside, Liz and Marie are in the car, just after having seen Michael with another woman.) Maria: I'm okay, I'm okay. Liz: Okay Maria: Maria loses it, crying, hitting the steering wheel Why?! Why?! Why, why?! I just don't understand, I wish, I wish that I hadn't seen that, I wish that I hadn't figured it out, I wish... Liz: Maria, we don't know for sure that anything happened. You know we could be reading into this whole thing. Maria: That's why you have to go and ask Max. Liz: No, Maria, I do not think that's such a good idea. Maria: Please! (Scene switches to Max's bedroom again. Max and Tess are holding hands still on the bed, facing each other, there's a lot of candle light going on.) Tess: I see you. You're swimming on your back. The water's much thicker than the water here on Earth. Heavier. It's not quite liquid but not quite solid. As you swim through it, the water reforms around your body and it feels like you're swimming in... Max: Jello. I remember. I remember it. I remember the water. (Liz is approaching Max's house as his memories start to return.) Max: Oh my God, you did it. You made me remember. (Max hugs Tess, they're both smiling. That's when Liz gets to his window, looks in and sees them, she walks away.) (Next scene, Liz is walking down the sidewalks of Roswell, past the Crashdown Cafe. She looks upset. She sees Sean.) Liz: You are like ubiquitous. Sean: I think I might've figured something out about you, Parker. Liz: You know what? I'm not interested! Sean: It might fix your problem. Liz: Who says that I had a problem?! Sean: Well, look at you. You look like you're about to puke, at the very least. Liz: Hey, do you know what? I do not need this right now, okay? I do not want to hear any more of your stupid, inane comments. I do not want to hear any more of your little theories on life. And I do not wanna write my frickin name in mustard okay? My life is falling apart! Sean: You wanna go somewhere? Liz: Yes. (Scene changes to the bowling alley, Liz is picking up a bowling ball, while Sean coaches her from the seat.) Sean: Okay, step, step, step, bend, roll, follow through. (Liz rolls a gutter ball.) Liz: I suck. Sean: No, that was, that was definitely an improvement. You wanna split a beer with me? Liz: No... Sean: Don't even finish the sentence. Here, um, here's a coke. Liz: Thank you. Sean: So um, can I tell you my theory? Liz: Can I stop you? (Sean chuckles.) Sean: You and I are, are really different people. Liz: That's your theory. Sean: But the thing is, that if we're so different then why do I feel so much every time I look at you? I mean it's not completely one sided is it? This town. Every body's always looking at me, like... there's Sean, just got back from juvie. What's crazy Sean gonna do next? And that's what I figured out about you. You're not that different. I mean this whole arrangement you have with Max, it's like you're not together but you're not apart. I mean I bet you can't even talk to me without wondering what Max is gonna think about it. But meanwhile, you're not getting what you need from him, are you? You're suffocating Liz. We both are. (They both just look at each other, there's an akward moment, Liz bends down, picks up a ball and bowls a strike. She turns around,excited.) Liz: Oh my God! How was that? Sean: Nice roll Parker, you're a real prospect. Liz: Thank you. (Sean takes off his shoes.) Liz: What are you doing? Sean: Lane walking. Liz: Yeah, what's that? Sean: There's this thing I used to do when I worked here, see.... what the average American doesn't realize is that every lane in a bowling alley has about a million coats of oil on it, so, if you're wearing just socks, you can kind of slide forever. It's kind of free. Wanna try it? Liz: Maybe next time. Sean: I'm gonna count on that. (Sean takes off running down the lane and slides in his socks.) Sean: Woooo! (Sean turns around and looks at Liz, smiling. She smiles back.) [SCENE_BREAK] (The scene switches back to Max's bedroom. He and Tess are still sitting together on his bed.) Tess: What else do you remember? Max: Three moons, burnt orange, no clouds, very surreal, like a painting. Tess: What else? Max: I need a break. (Max gets up off the bed.) Tess: It takes time. You know, every thing's blurry at first, but eventually, the images just get clearer and clearer. Max: How clear are your memories? Tess: Most are still blurry, but a few, a few are clearer and more real to me than anything here in this world. Max: Do you remember me? Tess: Yeah. Max: What was I like? Tess: I remember when you used to reach over and touch me in the middle of the night and when you used to hold me. (Scene changes to Alex's room, he's in his pajama's playing his guitar.) (Someone knocks at the window.) Alex: Hello? (Another knock.) Alex: Who is it? (He gets off the bed, lifts his guitar as a weapon as he walks toward the window. Another knock sounds and he opens the blinds to see who it is. Isabel is standing there. He looks relieved and opens the window.) Isabel: Hey. Alex: Hey. Isabel: Sorry. Alex: It's okay. Isabel: Can I come in? Alex: Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. (She comes in. Then they're sitting on his window bench, talking.) Isabel: Last semester, Miss Rikesdale told me that I only needed to take one more class to graduate. So I did. Alex: So you're graduating? Isabel: You're the only person that knows that. Alex: So are you like, going to college? Isabel: Exactly, I had know idea. But what I'm sure of, is that I'm graduating. And this is my last chance to have a prom, ever. He just sits in silence Alex, please don't make me just sit here. Alex: Isabel Evans, go to the prom with me? (She hugs him, laughing, happy...) (Scene changes to the Crashdown Cafe, where students are gathered, all decked out in there prom wear. Maria is fixing Liz's hair.) Maria: Is he looking? Liz: No, just concentrate. Maria: What an idiot, I swear, I hope he's lonely tonight. (You see Michael behind the counter, cooking, looking vulnerable. Then Kyle and Tess enter the Cafe.) Kyle: So, uh, beverage? Tess: Yeah, yeah, please. I, I'm just gonna go and sit over there. Kyle: Good, good, so I'll get... your beverage. (They appear very akward with each other. Then we see Kyle sitting alone at the counter as he overhears Liz and Maria talk.) Maria: No, I think it looks hot, Liz. Liz: No, um okay, I'm gonna take a... and Liz walks away. (Kyle walks up to Maria, smiles.) Kyle: Hello. Maria: Hi. Kyle: Can I get two cokes? He asks the waitress behind the counter.Then they both look over at Valenti and Amy DeLuca sitting together at a booth. Kyle: I caught em making out on the couch. Maria: Dude, I caught them making out in the pantry closet in the kitchen. (It's just so embarrassing.) Kyle: I know, but there's nothing we can do about it. It's just raging hormones. And they are our chaperones. Maria: Yeah, it's ugh... Hey so are you and Tess uh... you know? Kyle: Oh no, actually, it's like, she uh, she's hot and uh, but I feel really resistant for some reason, I can't quite put my finger on. Maria: Well, maybe you're just gay. Kyle: No, no... (Liz comes out of the kitchen at the same time as Max arrives. Sean witnesses the tender moment. Max and Liz approach each other. He has a corsage for her.) Max: You look beautiful. Liz: Thank you. You look very nice too. Um, you know, Maria's all alone tonight so is it okay if she hangs out with us? Max: Of course. Amy: Oh come on kids, we have to take pictures. Come on, lets go guys. Oh, Liz, you look beautiful. Maria, you look absolutely perfect. Where is uh, Isabel, Alex, Tess, come on. Lets take pictures. Who'm I missing, uh Michael. Come out here, mm hmm. Come on, lets go now. Uh, Jim, come on, who'm I going to stand with? Is that everyone? Oh, oh, this is going to be great, um, Sean.... Can you take the picture for me? (Sean steps up, takes the camera from Amy, she joins the group and he focuses in on them, they're all laughing and happy.) Liz: in a voice over And there we were. All together, with everything we'd all been through over the last two years. The battles we'd fought, the relationships that were formed, the feelings for each other, stronger than any feelings we'd ever known could exist. And somehow in this moment I had this really strong, really upsetting feeling, that this was the last time we'd all be standing together. (Scene changes to the sight of the prom., all decorated, music playing, couples walking around, then Alex and Isabel having their picture taken.) Alex: Thank you sir. My lady... He offers his arm to Isabel. Isabel: Thank you. Alex: Your welcome. You know, I gotta say, objectively speaking, you are incredibly beautiful this evening. Isabel: You don't have to say that. Alex: I know I don't. Isabel: Alex, thank you. This means so much to me, and I know you didn't want to come, so thank you. Alex: Well, you just gotta promise to not be any more beguiling otherwise I'll be right back where I was. When she giggles, he says, I'm serious... Let's dance. Isabel: Lets dance. Alex: Okay. (Now we see Kyle at the punch bowl, getting drinks. Malamoot approaches him.) Malamoot: Valenti... Kyle: Malamoot.... Malamoot: This is it big man, the big night. Kyle: Yeah, this is it. Malamoot: I envy you Valenti. (We see Tess sitting at the table.) Kyle: All right. Malamoot: Look at that compact little body. Kyle: All right. Malamoot: Bet she's a firecracker in the sack. Kyle: I wouldn't know. Malamoot: Yeah well, you will soon. Hey listen, what do you say, you throw her to me for a couple hours after your done? (Kyle grabs him by the collar.) Kyle: Dont you ever talk about my sister like that! Malamoot: What? (Kyle looks confused and just walks away.) (Now we see Max and Liz sitting at a table.) Max: So... Liz: Yeah... Max: You wanna dance? Liz: Sure. (They walk to the dance floor and the music changes to slow music.) Liz: Max, I just want to say that I feel really weird. Max: What do you mean? Liz: I mean I saw you with Tess. Max: Saw me what with Tess? Liz: I saw you with her. I came by your house yesterday to talk to you about something and you were with her. Max: We were just trying to find out things about where I came from, that's all. Liz: I know, I know, I mean, you know, you keep saying that. but you um, keep on leaving out this really pertinent fact. That you were married to her. I feel like my whole life for the past year has been waiting for some really bad news. Oh, you know, by the way Liz, I remember Tess, and I love her. It's really paralyzing. Max: I know it's not easy. Liz: No, Max, it can be. It can be really, really easy. You know, we both just stop pretending. Max: What do you mean? Liz: You know, maybe we're both just holding on to something that'll never be. Max, maybe we should just let go. I have been in so much pain. This whole year. and it's like I'm suffocating. Max: Liz... (A very painful moment of finality comes over them, she shakes her head at him, then sees Maria standing by herself.) Liz: Um, I should go, you know, for Maria. Max: Right. Liz: She's all alone tonight. Max: Go ahead. Liz: Max. Max: Go ahead. (Now we see Kyle and Tess going into a room. Kyle searches for the right words.) Kyle: Um, Tess, uh you, you're, you're beautiful. Tess: Kyle, please don't say that. Kyle: And the thing is, you're not just some girl, I care about you. Tess: Kyle, I don't... I just.... Kyle: I think of you as family. As a sister. I dont' think it could be a romantic thing Tess: I understand. You know I'm disappointed, but I understand. (They hug. Back out on the dancer floor, we see Liz and Maria dancing with abandon. Max watches for a bit, then walks away. Michael walks in and Maria sees him.) Liz: Okay, go. Maria: No, no, me and you, we're a couple now. Liz: Go! (Maria and Michael walk up to each other.) Maria: What are you doing here? Michael: Came her to dance. Maria: Well you shoulda brought Juanita. Michael: How do you know about her? Maria: I followed you to your pod. Michael: Juanita's my dance teacher. Maria: Your dance teacher. Michael: Yeah, I can't dance. And I knew this was a big deal for you so I was taking dancing lessons. (Maria looks very embarrassed, relieved, happy.) Maria: Oh my God. Michael: Wait, did you think Juanita was some chick I was boffing? Maria: Oh my God. Michael: How the hell did you find out about it in the first place... Maria: Oh my God, I am like the stupidest person alive. Michael: Okay. Juanita declared me unteachable, but if you want to risk personal injury... (They head out to the dance floor. Now we see Max sitting alone in the hall holding his corsage. Kyle and Tess come upon him.) Tess: I'll meet you inside in a minute, okay? Kyle: Sure. Tess: You look sad. Max: I think it's really over. Tess: You mean with Liz. Max: Yeah. I mean I, I realize that, I guess that on some level that things were headed in that direction. I think it's really actually over. (Now we see Isabel and Alex dancing.) Isabel: Alex, I'm going to do something, I said I wouldn't do. Alex: Don't. (She kisses him. He draws back.) Alex: I asked you not to do that. (They kiss again. Liz sees, then looks around and leaves. Now it's back to Max and Tess sitting in the halls.) Max: I remembered something else. I don't know how to feel about it. Tess: What do you remember? Max: Our first kiss. It was at a party... late at night. And you... Tess: I, I leaned in... and whispered in your ear and then you touched my cheek... Max: and then we just... (They kiss. Liz walks in and sees them, throws her corsage in the trash and runs out of the school, while Max and Tess continue to kiss. She shows up at the bowling alley where Sean is bowling. He turns around and sees her, smiles.) Sean: What are you doing here Parker? Liz: I guess this is kind of an addictive sport. (He motions her on down and the next we see Liz in her socks, lane walking, laughing, Sean lane walking with her.) Liz (V.O.): We try to live responsible, logical lives. But we can't tell our hearts how to feel. (As she's speaking we see Alex and Isabel kissing, Max and Tess sitting together...) Sometimes our hearts lead us to places we never thought we wanted to go. (Then we see Michael and Maria dancing.) And sometimes our hearts can be the sweetest, gentleist things we have. (Back at the bowling alley, Liz is still lane walking with Sean.) Sometimes our hearts can make us feel miserable, angry, excited and confused. All at once. But at least my heart is open. And I'm writing again. I'm feeling. I'm breathing. (The last scene shows her at home, writing in her journal.)

The onset of junior prom stirs up emotional tumult as Liz tempts fate by asking Max to be her date, Isabel decides Alex is the man she's been searching for, and Michael tells Maria he won't take her to prom.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_05x08

fd_Gilmore_Girls_05x08_0

[Elder Gilmore Pool House: terrace] LORELAI: I smell meat, is that meat? VALET: Why, yes, miss, it is meat. LORELAI: Oh, he called me miss. There's meat and a miss, I'm happy. RORY: What's the occasion? RICHARD: Well, I thought we might like some appetizers with our cocktails tonight. LORELAI: Would we ever. VALET: The first batch is ready, sir. RICHARD: Wonderful, on the table please. LORELAI: Mm, God it smells good. RORY: I love a good steak on a stick. RICHARD: Me, too. RORY: We should form a club. LORELAI: Steak-On-A-Stick club. RICHARD: We could have t-shirts made up. RORY: Grandpa, I've never seen you wear a t-shirt. RICHARD: Well, I've just never found a proper occasion. LORELAI: Hmm. To the proper occasion. [They toast.] RICHARD: I'll drink to that. EMILY [storming in]: I knew I smelled something, you're barbecuing! RICHARD: So what? EMILY: So what? The agreement was the girls have drinks with you and dinners with me! RICHARD: We are having drinks. Drinks and appetizers. EMILY: Those are not appetizers! Those are skewers! LORELAI: Little skewers. RORY: Little tiny skewers. EMILY: This is not tiny! [She rips a skewer from Lorelai's hand as she's about to bite.] LORELAI: Mom, that's mine! EMILY: This is a main course and a cheap way of cheating me out of my dinner. RICHARD: You are the most paranoid woman I've ever met. EMILY: I highly doubt that. RICHARD: You were the one who designated the drinks portion of the evening to me. EMILY: You love drinks. RICHARD: Drinks last one hour at most. Then you get the dinner portion, which can last several hours. Especially the way you structure things. You get more time. I should at least be able to serve appetizers with my drinks. EMILY: Fine. I'll leave. Have you drinks and your appetizers. [Points at RORY and Lorelai.] You two better be hungry when you get inside, or else! [Leaves.] LORELAI [whispers, mimicking]: Or else! RORY: Sounds serious. LORELAI: So, one more? RORY: Well, two more at the most. LORELAI: Yeah, 'cause she was really mad. RORY: Mm-hmm. [Elder Gilmore house: dining room] [Awkward silence.] EMILY: Something wrong? LORELAI: No, why, why? EMILY: You're not eating. LORELAI: No, I am eating. EMILY: You've taken two bites. LORELAI: Two really big bites. EMILY: Rory's taken none. RORY: I did, you just missed it. EMILY: You're full. LORELAI: No! EMILY: He can't stick to a simple agreement! He makes deals all the time in business, but "drinks there, dinner here", somehow that's too difficult for him to manage. RORY: He was just - EMILY: He was trying to upstage me. He was trying to make his part of the evening the "fun" part. He's a child. A spoiled four-year-old. I should take his dump truck away and send him to bed without supper. Or, as he calls it, appetizers. LORELAI: Mom, seriously, we are starving. Look. Mmm, wow. [To Rory] Eat some carrots, eat some carrots. RORY [weakly]: Carrots. Delicious. EMILY: Well, if you're both that hungry, you must want more. Olga! Good timing! The girls are famished. Load 'em up. [Olga serves up more food. A cell phone rings.] EMILY [scolding]: Lorelai! LORELAI: What? It's not me! RORY: It's me, Grandma. I'm sorry. [Checks caller ID] I have to take this. Promise I'll be quick. [She gets up to leave.] Hello? Hi. No, now's fine. EMILY: Who's she talking to? LORELAI: How should I know? EMILY: Well, you're the one who taught her to leave her cell phone on at the dinner table. LORELAI: That's for safety, Mom. In case someone forces her to eat five chickens and she has to call 911. EMILY: She's talking to a boy, isn't she? LORELAI: I don't know. EMILY: She certainly sounds like she's talking to a boy. Does she have a new boyfriend? LORELAI: Mom! EMILY: Did she finally meet someone at Yale? RORY: I don't know. EMILY: Oh, of course you know! LORELAI: Because I'm the one who taught her to leave her cell phone on at the dinner table? RORY [coming back in]: Sorry, Grandma. That won't happen again. EMILY: That's all right. So, who were you talking to? RORY: Dean, you remember Dean? EMILY: The boy who made you the car? RORY: Yep. EMILY: I didn't know you were still seeing him. RORY: Umm, well, we got back together recently. EMILY: Really? Well, that's a surprise, isn't it, Lorelai? LORELAI: I know. I'm floored! RORY: He's been working crazy shifts lately and I've had so much schoolwork that we keep missing each other, so I told him to call me tonight. EMILY: Well thank you for telling me. I'm just glad I got to hear it from you and didn't have to pick it up on the street somewhere. LORELAI: 'Cause you hang out on the street so often, Mom, you and Melrose Larry Green. EMILY [Glares at Lorelai, then turns to Rory]: So, are you happy with this DEAN? RORY: Yes, I am. EMILY: Well, good. Now eat up, we have the fish course coming. LORELAI: Fish course? EMILY: Yes, Olga makes a mean pickled herring. LORELAI: Oh. Well. What a delightful skill. [Elder Gilmore house: exterior] [Rory and Lorelai walk sluggishly out of the house.] RORY: Grandma's mean. LORELAI: If it flew, swam or crawled on this earth we just ate it. RORY: I can't breathe. [Lorelai pinches her.] Ow! What was that for? LORELAI: 'Cause you told my mother about Dean. RORY [rubbing her arm]: What do you mean? LORELAI: Well, I was totally covering for you with the phone call, and then you waltz back in and just tell her? RORY: My arm is swelling up! LORELAI: You were totally off the hook. I was very skillfully covering for you. Well, not skillfully, but there was a certain aplomb to my evasiveness. RORY: I'm not going to lie to Grandma about Dean. Why should I? LORELAI: Because she's her. RORY: Mom, I am with Dean. She's already met him, Grandpa's already met him, what is the problem besides this permanent welt on my arm? LORELAI: All right, fine. [sighs] You know, I'm actually hungry. [Pool house. A knock on the door. Richard goes to answer it.] EMILY: We need to talk. [She walks in, uninvited.] [Opening credits.] [Luke's Diner. Lane is refilling the coffee pot.] LANE [to Luke]: The man at table three wants to send an orange juice to the woman at table four. LUKE: As long as he's paying. LUKE [To Liz, reading a paper at the counter]: If someone who wants to eat comes in here... LIZ: I'm outie, I got it. LORELAI [Coming in]: Hey, Lane. LANE: Hi! Oh, potential hookup at table four! LORELAI: Oh, wow, diner love. "Over easy" takes on a whole new meaning. [Sits at the counter next to Liz.] Hey, Liz! LIZ: Hey! [They hug, genuinely happy to see each other.] LORELAI: I didn't know you were back! LIZ: Yeah, just cruised in. LORELAI: Well how are you? How's TJ? LIZ: He's great. He's gotten taller. LORELAI: I'm so glad to hear it. LIZ: So you and my brother, uh? LORELAI: Yeah, well... LIZ: I'm so jazzed. I want private details. LUKE: Tell her nothing. LORELAI: Really, nothing? Not even about your Canadian mountie hat? LUKE: Liz, you have been sitting there for over an hour. LIZ: I know. I'm almost done. LORELAI: Whatcha doing? LIZ: TJ and I are thinking about buying a winter place, you know, something nice for when the Renaissance Fair season's over. LORELAI: You're moving to Stars Hollow? LUKE: No. LIZ: Thinking about it. There's some great places for sale around here. LUKE: They're not for sale, they've all been sold. LIZ [ignoring him]: Plus there's a few stores around here that are willing to sell my jewelry on consignment. And I'd like a house, you know, with a fence and a lawn... LUKE: No lawns in Stars Hollow, we had them taken out. LIZ: Hey, how much did you pay for your house? LUKE: Oh, don't ask her that. You can't ask people questions like that. LIZ: Why not? LUKE: 'Cause you can't! [To Lorelai] Don't tell her how much you paid for your house. [To Liz] You don't want to live here. LIZ: Yes I do. LUKE: It's too quiet for you. LIZ: I like quiet. LUKE: You do not like quiet. TJ does not like quiet. He likes monster trucks, and baboons that get really mad at the zoo. LIZ: That's true, he does like that. LORELAI: Luke, stop. You're going to like living so close to your family. LUKE: Yes, I've seen how much you enjoy living so close to yours. What can I get you? LORELAI [Looks at the menu]: Hmm. Nothing looks good. LUKE: I'll make you a burger. LORELAI: I don't want a burger. LIZ: Make her your gumbo. Oh, he makes the most amazing gumbo. LORELAI: You make gumbo? LIZ: And great Mexican food. LORELAI: Really? LIZ: Makes his own tortillas. LUKE: Gotta make your own tortillas. The ones in the package are crap. LIZ: And garlic soup, and paella... He was really into lasagna for a while, got obsessed. Made hundreds of lasagnas trying to find the perfect recipe. He wore an apron - LUKE: Okay! Liz, you don't even live here yet. LIZ: Fine. I gotta bail anyhow. TJ's meeting me at the realtor's office. LORELAI, it was great seeing you again. LORELAI: You too! LIZ: Later, bro. LUKE: Uh-huh. [Liz leaves.] LORELAI: You've been holding out on me. LUKE: What? LORELAI: Um, paella, gumbo, lasagna king? LUKE: You know, I have many talents, okay? LORELAI: I know. I mean, the way you keep that mountie hat perfectly balanced the entire time we're - LUKE: Okay, so, if you keep making mountie hat jokes, you're going to eventually believe that there's an actual mountie hat. LORELAI: Well, I'm very impressed. Or at least I would be, if I had any proof of these extraordinary cooking skills of yours. LUKE: Okay. I'm going to cook you the most amazing meal of your life. LORELAI: This weekend? LUKE: Stop making the mountie jokes and you're on. LORELAI: Deal. Blueberry muffin to go? LUKE: You got it. [He gets the muffin. She's looking at him strangely.] You're still picturing me in a mountie hat, aren't you? LORELAI: Uh-huh. LUKE: How do I look? LORELAI: Mm, I'll tell you this weekend. [She leaves, Kyon enters. Lane rushes over.] LANE: You cannot put those flyers here! I'm surprised that my mother told you that you could, but you can't! So, go stand on a street corner like I had to do, ages six through fourteen! [Kyon just stands there.] Go! What? KYON: I'm so hungry. LANE: What? KYON: It's flaxseed muffin month. Flaxseed muffin in the morning, flaxseed muffin at night. I'm having trouble lifting my toothbrush. LANE: Okay, come here. KYON: Not fast, please. LANE: Sit. KYON: She made a lot of food with flaxseed. It lasts a very long time. LANE [Sets down a plate of fries]: There. KYON: What's this? LANE: Fries. KYON: But Mrs. Kim, she says that fries are the devil's starchy fingers. LANE: They're hot and delicious and they don't have any flaxseed in them. KYON: But they are a gateway food. They lead into harder things. Pizza, movie popcorn, deep fried Snickers bar... [Lane waves the fries under her nose.] KYON: Oooh. [takes a bite.] Oh, my. LANE: Welcome to America. [Yale: cafeteria.] RORY: So now I've got three days to do this comparative religion paper, and the teaching fellow who runs our group spends all his time explaining to us how much he disagrees with the professor, and - what are you looking at? PARIS: That guy over there is staring at me. RORY: Which guy? PARIS: The one in the Santa Claus red sweater. RORY: Professor Prady? PARIS: Shh! He'll hear you. RORY: You think Professor Prady is looking at you? PARIS: He is more than looking at me. God, this is so annoying. Ever since word leaked out about me and Asher, every faculty member over fifty thinks I'm easy. RORY: Paris, I don't think Prady's hitting on you. PARIS: You are so naive. He's practically licking his lips. You sleep with one old guy, and suddenly you're Catherine Zeta-Jones. [Rory's phone rings.] RORY: Hello? EMILY: Rory, it's your grandmother. RORY: Oh, hey, Grandma. EMILY: Your grandfather is here also. RICHARD: Hello, Rory. How are you? RORY: Fine, Grandpa, and you? RICHARD: We're wonderful, thank you for asking. EMILY: Rory, we're sorry to bother you at school, but next Friday your grandfather and I agreed to host a little Yale alumni event at our house. RICHARD: It completely slipped our minds the other night. EMILY: So we'll have to cancel our usual Friday night dinner. RORY: Oh. That's okay. EMILY: However, we were wondering if maybe you'd like to come. RORY: Me? RICHARD: The alumni always like to meet the next generation of Elis, and plus, we'd love to be able to show you off to all of our friends, wouldn't we, Emily? EMILY: Yes, we would! RICHARD: You might even make a few connections that could come in handy somewhere down the road. EMILY: Please come! We'd hate to miss our weekly Rory fix. And I promise you, there won't be any chicken. RICHARD: Or steak on a stick. [They laugh, the whole conversation sounds very rehearsed.] RORY: Well, sure. I'd love to come. RICHARD: Wonderful. Your grandmother and I are thrilled. RORY: Is it fancy? What should I wear? EMILY: Oh, just pick out a pretty little dress. RICHARD: And bring that face. RORY: Well, the face comes with the package. EMILY: Oh, and I know you usually come at seven, but could you make it at six instead? RORY: Six is fine. RICHARD: We'll see you Friday. RORY: See you Friday. [She hangs up.] PARIS: What's going on Friday? RORY: My grandparents are having a party. PARIS: Damn it. [She gets up.] Dean Treadwell just came in. He's been throwing s*x daggers out his eyes at me all week. [She picks up her plate and leaves. Rory turns around and sees a feeble-looking old man with a cane entering.] [Luke's diner.] LANE: Chili fries, extra cheese and onions. KYON: Thank you. [Folds her hands.] LANE: Didn't you just say grace? KYON: Yes, but that was for the soda. LANE: Kyon, tip, if you pray over every single thing you eat you might never be able to leave the table. Breakfast will run into lunch which will run into dinner. KYON: I'm telling God I'm thankful! LANE: He gets it. Do a blanket thank you and move on. [Zach bursts in.] ZACH: We've got free passes to Tory's band on Saturday. LANE [excited]: No! Seriously? ZACH: Totally seriously. All we have to do is carry the equipment and we are in. [Lane shrieks and jumps on him.] ZACH: Okay, cool, you're jazzed. So I'll tell him it's a go? LANE: It's a total go. ZACH: You free for dinner tonight? LANE: We'll discuss it when I get home. ZACH: Okay. Bye. LANE: Bye. [Zach leaves, while Liz and TJ enter.] TJ: Ladies and gentlemen, I am in escrow. LUKE: You're what? TJ: I am in escrow, I've got the paperwork to prove it. LUKE: What is he talking about? LIZ: We bought a house! TJ: Beautiful. White. LUKE: You just started looking. LIZ: I know, we bought the first home we saw. LUKE: Oh, Liz. LIZ: No, I'm telling you, I walked into this place, and just felt it. LUKE: Felt what? LIZ: The vibe. TJ: That's right, she felt the vibe and now I'm in escrow. LUKE: Did you at least have an inspector look at this place? TJ: Hey, we don't need some guy with a clipboard to tell us what we already knew, which was this white house was for us! LIZ: Please don't be worried about this, the place is great. TJ: It's on a corner, it's got room for a pool, it's air-conditioner ready, it's, uh, landscaper ready, it's lawn ready, and it's got three bedrooms, if you build on two. LUKE: It's got a roof, right? TJ: Of course it's got a roof. And as soon as we replace it it won't leak as much. LIZ: Just be happy, okay? LUKE: Oh, sure. TJ: That's right, buddy, smile, man, 'cause I'm in escrow! [yells out] Coffee! On the house! You like that, on the house? LUKE: You're paying for coffee for the entire diner? TJ: What am I, made of money? I'm in escrow! Throw in the coffee, buddy, we're celebrating. LANE: I got it. LIZ: You're not really bugged we're moving here, are you? LUKE: Does he even know what escrow means? LIZ: I doubt it, but he's so happy. TJ [High-five-ing strangers]: I'm in escrow. [To Kyon] Give it up, sister, I'm in escrow. [Yale: Rory is walking the halls talking on her cell phone.] RORY: So, you're off the hook. LORELAI: Off the hook, for what? RORY: Friday night. Grandma and Grandpa are having a party for their Yale alumni friends. LORELAI: Really? This is news! RORY: So you're free as a bird. LORELAI: Wo-ow, Friday night without my mother! I don't know if I can deal! You might have to come over and force-feed me pickled herring and tell me what a disappointment I am. Hey, you want to go to the movies? RORY: Can't, I'm going to the party. LORELAI: What? RORY: They asked me to. LORELAI: Huh. Okay. I can get you out of it. RORY: Mom - LORELAI: Whoop, hold on, just a moment. Let me formulate a plan. RORY: I don't need to formulate a plan, I want to go. LORELAI: You don't want to go, you feel obligated to go. That's very different. RORY: Mom, they're giving the party together. LORELAI: Ooh, I got it. Transfer to Harvard, then you won't be invited. RORY: Are you listening? LORELAI: Rory, they're just manipulating you. RORY: Yes! Exactly! Them. Both of them, together. They called me together. They were on the speakerphone together, which means that they were in the same room, at the same time, together. LORELAI: So what you're saying is, they were together? RORY: Exactly! LORELAI: Whose antennae are up besides mine? RORY: Maybe they made up. LORELAI: They would have told us. RORY: They didn't tell us they broke up. LORELAI: Yes, but that's because it looked bad. They didn't tell people I was pregnant 'till my eighth month. My mother kept getting numbers for fat farms from her friends. RORY: They sounded so happy. They sounded like they used to. LORELAI: Are you sure you want to go? RORY: I'm sure. LORELAI: All right. Don't let Grandpa and his cronies make you sing Whiffenpoof songs all night. RORY: I won't. LORELAI: Well, I'm sorry I'm not going to see you on Friday. RORY: Well, how about I come by after? I can stay the night and then you can take me shopping on Saturday. LORELAI: Ah, the lucky girl. RORY: Okay. Bye. [Stars Hollow street: newsstand.] ZACH: Hey, Amir! Where's this month's Guitar magazine? I wasn't done reading it yet. AMIR: You buy it, then you read. ZACH: What kind of bogus system is that? AMIR: It's the bogus system called this is a magazine stand, where people come to buy, not hang out and read for free! ZACH: That's a long freaking name for your bogus system, buddy. [Mrs. Kim storms across the street.] MRS. KIM: You! You dirty, filthy devil boy! You will pay for this. You will burn in hellfire for this! You will swim in the sludge with Satan's hell-dogs, and feed them your innards for eternity! ZACH: Ah, is this about the magazine? MRS. KIM: She's an innocent girl. And you are a wild pig of filth! I know! I know all you do! You think you can hide from me? That you can carry on your dirty, filthy schemes without me finding out? ZACH: I'm really, really lost right now. MRS. KIM: I heard about it! Kyon told me. She told me about your hands on LANE. You put your hands on Lane! My Lane! And before God, I swear that you will be punished. Because that is what happens to all swine that walk up tall! [She storms away, leaving Zach bewildered.] [Doose's storage room.] DEAN: Okay. So, we have today for your dining pleasure a choice of sandwiches. All fairly fresh, though slightly dented so as to afford me the eighty percent employee discount that Taylor throws in with the paycheck. RORY: He's a heck of a humanitarian, that Taylor. DEAN: Ah, we have a battered chicken salad, a bruised tuna salad, a ham that survived the creamed corn assault of 2004, and something grey. RORY: Toss that. DEAN: Gotcha. RORY: Well, this is a very nice spread you've assembled here. DEAN: Well, when you're dating an Ivy League girl, you have to pull out all the stops. Chip pieces? [offers her a bag] RORY: Yes, please. DEAN: I'm glad we got to do this today. RORY: Me too. DEAN: We haven't been able to see each other much lately. RORY: Well, we're here now, right? DEAN: Yeah. Right. RORY: Hey, did you ever read my story? DEAN: Which story? RORY: The one about the Life and Death Brigade. DEAN [hesitates]: Uh, yeah, I did. RORY: You like it? DEAN: I did like it. I like everything you write. RORY: Do you think I painted the picture interestingly enough? Because I tried to be objective, to a certain extent, but it is a feature piece, so I wanted to have some human spark, you know? DEAN: I thought it was good. RORY: Nothing specific, though? DEAN: Hey, you're the writer. I can't critique these things. I just know that I read it and I was interested. RORY: Well that's what counts. [pauses awkwardly.] Okay, so, let's talk about tonight. DEAN: Let's talk about tonight. RORY: Okay. I'm going over to my grandparent's at six. I figure I'll go in, make the rounds, say hello, eat a cheese puff, then you can meet me outside the house at eight-thirty and we can hit a movie in Hartford or something. DEAN: I don't want you ducking out of your grandparent's party early if it's going to be a big thing. RORY: Hey, don't you want to get together with me? DEAN: You know I do. RORY: Okay then. No more talk, it's settled. Eight-thirty, out front, I'll be the one in the party dress with the jeans and a purse. I'll have to take a pretty big purse, but desperate times call for desperate actions. Deal? DEAN: Deal. RORY: How long have we got? DEAN: Uh, fourteen minutes till my lunch break's over. RORY: Okay then. Cheers. [Luke's apartment: Luke goes to open the door. Lorelai is wearing a french maid's apron.] LORELAI: Bonjour. LUKE: What's all this? LORELAI: This is as close as you're going to get to me cleaning up tonight. Hi. LUKE: Hi. [They kiss.] LORELAI: Man, something smells crazy good in here. Oh my God, what are you making? LUKE: Lamb and artichoke stew, penne with pesto and potatoes, roasted garlic with rosemary focaccia, tomatoes stuffed with bread crumbs and goat cheese, and ricotta cheesecake with amaretto cookies to go with your coffee. LORELAI: You're the perfect man. LUKE: Thank you. LORELAI: I used to think it was Kelsey Grammer, but it's not. It's you. LUKE: Finally, I'm one-upping Grammer. You want some wine? LORELAI: Yes, please. [digging through a bag she brought with her.] Okay, so I brought a little ambience [pulls out candlesticks] and a little Clooney. LUKE: George? LORELAI: Rosemary. Oh my God, this is so great. I mean, besides the fact that it's an evening of you, it's also the first Friday in many many moons that I'm not at my parent's house and that knowledge is giving me a really warm, fuzzy feeling right about now. Meaning that if, by some chance, your meal winds up sucking, I might not even notice. LUKE: Excellent to know. [Hands her a glass of wine.] To the warm and fuzzies. LORELAI: Perfect. [a bell rings in the kitchen.] LUKE: Oh, I'm down to the artichokes. LORELAI: You know, it may have choked Artie, but it ain't going to choke me. Some Little Rascals humor there for ya. LUKE: I know. LORELAI: You know? You are the perfect man. [Elder Gilmore's house. Servants are rushing about getting things ready for the party.] EMILY: Just move them so people can navigate around them comfortably. Not that far apart, not that far apart! Good Lord, if someone needs that much room to get around a chair they shouldn't be at a party, they should be on a treadmill. RORY: Hey, Grandma. EMILY: Rory! Oh, look at you! Will you look at her? [yells at a servant] I said look at her! Isn't she beautiful? SERVANT: Yes, very beautiful. EMILY: I love this dress, very elegant! RORY: Thanks, Grandma. The place looks wonderful! EMILY: Oh, there's too much blue. RORY: It's Yale alumni, there can't be too much blue. RICHARD: Emily, I noticed the bartenders weren't planning on using proper martini glasses. [Sees Rory.] Well, Rory, how lovely you look tonight. EMILY: Doesn't she? This dress is divine. But you know what? My hairdresser's upstairs in my bedroom right now, why don't you go on up and have here do a little something with your hair? RORY: My hair? EMILY: Just for kicks. Come on, I'll take you up. Richard, could you - RICHARD: I have it all under control. EMILY: Thank you. Come on! [Lane's apartment. Zach is pacing back and forth as she enters.] LANE: Oh, you're home. Do you want to talk about dinner? ZACH: Um, sure, or about how your mom totally attacked me today. LANE: What? ZACH: I'm standing out on the street in broad daylight, and, like, out of nowhere, bam! She was in my face, crazy and screaming! LANE: Zach! Slow down, I don't understand. [She makes him sit.] ZACH: She cursed me, Lane! What's not to understand? She went on and on about burning in hellfire and swimming in Satan's sludge, and hell-dogs eating me, and I gotta tell you, it sounded bad. LANE: I don't understand. Why would she? ZACH: 'Cause she knows, okay? She knows everything! She sees everything, you know that. LANE: She doesn't know everything, Zach. ZACH: Well, she knows about you and me, and she's sending me to hell for it, and I've got to tell you this is not cool. This is not rock and roll. LANE: I know, I'm sorry. ZACH: I don't do parents. I'm not that guy. Nobody brings me home to Mom for a reason, okay? I'm a total backseat, in the closet, jump out the window dude, all the way. LANE: I just don't understand how she found out. I mean, it's not like she's ever seen us together, or... I know who told her. ZACH: I can't do this crazy scary short chick screaming at me on the street. LANE: Zach, I'm sorry. I promise, it will never happen again! I will take care of it. ZACH: What about the hellhounds? LANE: I will take care of the hellhounds too. ZACH: 'Cause Hellhounds is a cool band name but the positive imagery stops there. LANE: I got it. It's done. ZACH: Okay. Fine. I've gotta go walk by a church or something. [He leaves.] [Luke's apartment.] LORELAI [setting the table]: Hey, this is the same stuff from the diner. LUKE: Yep. LORELAI: Pilfering silverware from the diner! LUKE: It's my diner. LORELAI: Yes, but it's wrong. You should have boundaries in your life, leave work at work. You need a work life and a home life and the silverware is your work life. I'm so telling Dr. Phil on you. [Luke laughs. A knock at the door.] TJ's VOICE: Luke! You in there? Open up! Luke! [Luke runs to the door and opens it.] LUKE: What the - TJ: You're home! Good! LUKE [stammering]: Don't come in! TJ: Your sister! LUKE: TJ, this is really - TJ: Do you know how many people told me not to get married? They said women make you crazy, they burrow in your head and you can't get them out! Women suck! Oh, hey, Lorelai. LORELAI: How are you doing, TJ. LUKE: I'm assuming you guys had a fight. TJ: Not just a fight, a whammo monster of a fight. It was like Jake Lamotta and I was that blonde chick he was married to. LUKE: You'll make up. Bye. [Tries to lead him out the door, TJ slams it shut.] TJ: I mean you'd think I took a shot at the Pope, the way she talked to me. I'm sorry, I didn't hear her when she asked for the beer, and preset station numbers are there for a reason! LUKE: Okay, look at the table and the candles, okay? This is not a good time. TJ: You're telling me? I'm in escrow! LUKE: Okay. Hold on. [To Lorelai] Go stir the sauce. LORELAI: Me? But, I can't cook. LUKE: It's not cooking, it's stirring. LORELAI: No, I'm not good with big spoons, unless there's ice cream on the end - okay. LUKE: TJ, what is this all about? TJ: She's crazy, man, she goes nuts! And she yells at me like... there's a register that her voice reaches when she yells that only a freaking dog can hear, but her face is so twisted and contorted that you know she's hit that register, and it's amazing! It should be on the Discovery Channel or something. LORELAI: Um, excuse me. How fast am I supposed to be stirring here? LUKE: Just keep it from sticking. [To TJ] I am really sorry you had a fight, but you're married now. You can't run out every time you have a disagreement. Now, go on back. TJ: I can't go back! LUKE: TJ! TJ: I'm not ready, it's all too fresh! LORELAI: It's bubbling and turning brown. LUKE: It's fine. LORELAI: Well, what constitutes sticking? LUKE: You can't ruin it. LORELAI: I can, I have powers. Once the Barefoot Contessa was making a souffl and when it fell, she looked out the TV and said, "Gilmore, was that you?" LUKE: You've gotta go, man! TJ: Just let me hang out here. LUKE: No! TJ: Just for a little while! Right in here, in the corner. Very quiet. You won't notice me at all. Churchmouse, buddy. [Luke sighs and goes to the kitchen] LORELAI: I'm getting carpal tunnel syndrome. LUKE: I got it. [TJ whimpers and starts to sob in the corner.] LUKE: He just needs a minute. [Elder Gilmore house: Emily's bedroom. Rory is seated in front of a vanity.] EMILY: Oh, yes, that's very nice. I love the lashes. RORY: Grandma, this is really nice, but - EMILY: Just a little more cheeks. RORY: Shouldn't we be getting down to the party? EMILY: Yes. One more minute now. [Opens her jewelry box] Let's see here, this might do it. RORY: Grandma, I couldn't - EMILY: Diamond necklaces were invented to be worn, they're doing nobody any good just sitting in a box. Perfect, do you like it? RORY: Well, yes it's beautiful, but - EMILY: It needs earrings! I agree! RORY: No, it's fine on it's own, really! EMILY: Your grandfather bought me these earrings on our first trip to Denmark. He swears he bought them off the ne'er-do-well brother of the king who stole them from the queen - have you ever heard such a thing? RORY: No. EMILY: Ah, I have a wonderful idea! Have you ever worn a tiara? RORY: Well, when I was four... EMILY: You look like a princess. RORY: Grandma, are you sure you want me wearing all this stuff? They must be very expensive, and if something should happen - EMILY: Nothing's going to happen, and yes. You look exactly the way I want my granddaughter to look to all our guests. Shall we? RORY: Okay. EMILY: It's going to be a wonderful evening. [Coming down the stairs] EMILY: Everyone, here's Rory! [The room oohs and aahs.] RICHARD: You look absolutely royal. RORY: Well, it's probably the crown. RICHARD: Emily, you did a fine job. EMILY: Thank you, Richard. RICHARD: Oh, uh, Rory, I'd like you to meet Min and Argus Head and their son Andrew. Andrew, this is my granddaughter Rory. ANDREW: Nice to meet you. RORY: Nice to meet you too. RICHARD: Andrew will be at Yale Law next semester. EMILY: Isn't that wonderful? RORY: It is, especially if you want to be a lawyer. [All laugh.] EMILY: Well, we need to make the rounds. You two can talk more later. RORY: It was nice to meet you. ANDREW: You too. EMILY: Rory, we'd like you to meet Deanna and Chase Anderson and their son Donnan. DONNAN: It's a pleasure to meet you. RORY: You too. RICHARD: Donnan is going to run his father's shipping business one day. EMILY: Our own Aristotle Onassis with infinitely better table manners. DONNAN: Nothing's written in stone yet. We'll see what kind of pension plan the company has, and then - [Polite laughter.] EMILY: Rory's going to be a journalist. Take the world by storm, the two of you should talk later. DONNAN: Definitely. RORY: Okay, well - RICHARD: Oh, Rory, Bunny and Napoleon Barnes and their son Kip. KIP: Nice to meet you. RORY: Oh, hi, Kip. It's nice to meet you. EMILY: Kip is captain of the polo team. RICHARD: Hell of a player. Give those Windsor boys a run for their money. KIP: William and Harry are good guys. Decent horsemen, terrible bridge players. RORY: Um, Kip, will you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to my grandparents. It was nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Barnes. EMILY [to Kip]: Make sure you two talk later. KIP: Yes, ma'am. RICHARD: Yes, Rory? EMILY: Are you enjoying the party? RORY: The party is very nice, Grandma. I was just wondering, do your alumni friends have any daughters? EMILY: Daughters? What do you mean? RORY: Well, I was just noticing that there are a lot of boys here but not that many girls. RICHARD: Really? I hadn't noticed. Did you notice, Emily? EMILY: Why no, I haven't. Huh, well. I will have to pay more attention to the guest list next time, won't I, Richard? RICHARD: Yes, you will. EMILY: I promise you, we will throw another party just for our friends with girls. But in the meantime - RICHARD: Ah, the Campbell boy is here. EMILY: Oh, good, let's go. [To Rory] Campbell, like the soup! [Luke's apartment.] LORELAI: Oh my God, this is good. I mean this is seriously good. LUKE: Glad you like it. [Camera angles so that we can see TJ sitting almost directly behind Luke.] How you doing, TJ? TJ: I just need a minute. LUKE: He said that thirty-five minutes ago. LORELAI: Well, he's not crying now, so - LUKE: I want him to leave. LORELAI: I know. He will. LUKE: Sure there's nothing I can do for you? TJ: Just thirty seconds. That should do it. LORELAI: Would you like something to eat, TJ? LUKE: Why are you asking him if he wants something to eat? LORELAI: He's been sitting there for half an hour, he might be hungry. LUKE: He said thirty seconds. You're going to make the thirty seconds go longer. LORELAI: TJ, we've got plenty. TJ: That's very kind of you, Lorelai. I appreciate it. Being in escrow and everything. But I don't want to interrupt your evening. As soon as I gather myself I'll be going. Ten more minutes? [Luke is struggling to keep his cool.] LORELAI: Mmm. [Elder Gilmore's party. Rory is in the middle of a group of guys looking extremely bored.] YOUNG MAN #1: Look, you can go A.M.G. but you're still going stock Mercedes. YOUNG MAN #2: Okay, are you seriously knocking 493 horses at 6100 rpm's coming out of a 5.5 litre, 24 valve V-8? YOUNG MAN #1: Okay, well, let's say you go with the SL-55. RORY: Um, I'm sorry. Would you all excuse me for just a - YOUNG MAN #1: Yeah, sure. So the SL-55. Look, at least go aftermarket on its ass. [Rory escapes into Richard's study. She sits down at the desk and picks up the phone.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Cuts between Luke's apartment and Richard's study.] LORELAI: I told you. RORY: You told me what? LORELAI: Whatever has happened at that party you got rooked into tonight. I told you. RORY: Do you want to hear or do you just want to gloat? LORELAI: Well, I'm a multi-tasker. RORY: So I get here, and Grandma immediately whisks me upstairs where her hairdresser and makeup artist are waiting to make a new me. LORELAI: 'Cause the old you was so last season. RORY: Then I come downstairs to find that the guests are all Yale friends of Grandma and Grandpa's and their sons. LORELAI: What? RORY: No girls! All boys, and me! LORELAI: You're kidding. RORY: Nope. I feel like I'm being auctioned off. LORELAI: They suck, my parents suck. RORY: This is a very silly picture. LORELAI: They know you're with Dean, 'cause by the way you told them. RORY: It's okay, I just thought you'd like to know. LORELAI: Do you have a pencil? RORY: Why? LORELAI: 'Cause there are twelve ways out of that house that they don't know about. Write this down. First, the basement. It's a little dusty, but almost foolproof. If you can't get there, grab a screwdriver and jimmy the back of my mother's closet. There's a false back. RORY: Mom - LORELAI: And if they haven't trimmed the trees yet, the second guest bathroom window opens out onto the massive elm and you can shimmy right down. RORY: I am not going to shimmy. I don't need to sneak out, it's fine. Dean is picking me up at eight thirty, I can manage till then. LORELAI: They played you, kid. RORY: Yeah, I know. LORELAI: I hate that they did that. RORY: Well, it's done. Okay, I should go. In this crowd they will definitely notice me missing. I'll see you later. LORELAI: Bye, hun. LUKE: What's the matter? LORELAI: Nothing a little patricide won't solve. [A phone rings in the Elder Gilmore's kitchen. A maid picks up and answers in Spanish.] LORELAI: Oh, hello, I'd like to speak to Richard or Emily. MAID: Que? LORELAI: I'd like to speak to Richard and Emily Gilmore. MAID: No comprendo. [more Spanish.] LORELAI: Is there someone there who speaks English? I hear English in the background. [Knock at Luke's door. Luke gets up to answer it.] Oh, right there! I heard the word salmon. Could you pass the phone to the person who said "salmon"? Uh-huh. [At the door.] LIZ: Is he here? LUKE: Yes. Get him out, please! LORELAI: Emily Gilmore. Senora Emily Gilmore? LIZ: TJ, come on, let's go. TJ: I cannot deal with you right now. LIZ: You can't just barge in here like this. TJ [insulted]: I did not barge! Do not accuse me of barging! LIZ: You are ruining their evening! TJ: No, I am not! I'm just sitting here, I'm not saying anything! LUKE: Okay, you two just go downstairs and talk! Please! LIZ: You are unbelievable, you know that? TJ: I do, as a matter of fact. LIZ: I hadn't even come out of the bedroom and you'd gone! TJ: I wasn't gonna stick around so you could yell at me! LUKE: Okay! This is enough! The both of you just have to shut up right now, I've got neighbors! LIZ: You don't even have your shoes on! TJ: I've got shoes on! LIZ: You've got my shoes on! TJ: Oh, so I guess all that "what's mine is yours" was just a bunch of crap also! [He takes off the shoes and hands them to Luke.] LIZ: You know what? I am fed up with you and the drama, I can't take it! My head's going to explode from all your freaking scenes and your tantrums! TJ: My tantrums? LIZ: I cannot look at you. [She locks herself in the bathroom.] LUKE: Liz, what are you - [To TJ] Go get her out of there! TJ: Nope, that's exactly what she wants! LORELAI: Okay, never mind. I'll call back. Bye. LUKE: TJ! TJ: Damn. I had almost gotten myself together. Now I have to start all over! [Starts crying.] LUKE [to Lorelai]: She's in the bathroom. LORELAI: Okay. You go try to calm him down and I'll go see if I can talk to her. LUKE: You were right. Having family near is fun! [Elder Gilmore's patio.] JORDAN: Rory? RORY: Mm-hm? JORDAN: I'm Jordan. Your grandmother sent me over here. Apparently we're made for each other. RORY: Oh, gee. Well, how convenient. JORDAN: There's nothing like having your family play matchmaker. How old are you? RORY: Me? I'm, um, almost twenty. JORDAN: All right, good. Just making sure everything's legal. You need a drink? RORY: No, not a drink. JORDAN: Why? Get a little crazy when you drink? RORY: Yes. That's it. JORDAN: I'd like to see that. LOGAN: Rory. There you are, I've been looking everywhere for you. [He puts his arm around her.] I'm late, I'm sorry, don't be mad. Logan Huntzberger. JORDAN: Uh, Jordan Chase. LOGAN: Good to meet you, thanks for keeping my girl busy. If you hadn't, she would've noticed exactly how late I am and then she mighta left and that would have been very, very bad. JORDAN: Excuse me, I'm sorry - you're with her? LOGAN: Going on a year and a half. JORDAN: Great. What the hell am I doing here? [He walks away.] RORY: Oh, thank you. LOGAN: You looked cornered. RORY: I was. LOGAN: Well, glad to be of service. Man, I hate these parties. RORY: Not really my bag either. LOGAN: But at least the bar is stocked, and I must say your grandmother has excellent food. RORY: Wait, my grandmother? [Richard comes up behind them.] RICHARD: Logan? How are you, son? LOGAN: I'm very well, sir, and yourself? RICHARD: Oh, I'm fit as a fiddle! It's good to see you. Are your parents here? LOGAN: Wandering around here somewhere. Mom is obsessed with Emily's new draperies. RICHARD: Ah, yes. Emily has exquisite taste in fabrics. All right, Rory. Since I see that you are in capable hands I will make another round and end up at the bar. LOGAN: It's been good to see you, Richard. RICHARD: Good to see you, Logan. [He moves away.] RORY: You know my grandparents. LOGAN: My folks are good friends with Richard and Emily. Okay, so. Lesson One in coping with painfully boring parties, form a sub-party. RORY: Where are you going? LOGAN: Finn! RORY: Finn's here? LOGAN: Finn! [Finn comes out on the patio.] FINN: You rang? LOGAN: Time for a change of venue. FINN: Oh, fantastic. [To Rory] Do I know you? [Mrs. Kim's home: front porch, Lane knocks. Kyon answers.] LANE: Is my mother here? KYON: No, she's at Mrs. Cho's house. Mrs. Cho thinks that she lost some weight, and Mrs. Kim went to give it back to her. LANE: Good. Why did you rat me out to my mother? KYON: Rat you out? LANE: You told her about Zach. KYON: The boy you hugged? LANE: Yes! You told her, I'm just a little mystified as to why you would do that. KYON: Mrs. Kim has taken me in. LANE: No, I took you in. You came to me, starving, and I gave you fries. You did like the fries, right? KYON: Very, very much. LANE: Okay, so that is we what we call in America a bonding thing. I gave you the fries and you are not supposed to tell on me to my mother! KYON: What am I supposed to do? LANE: Nothing. You say nothing, you do nothing. KYON: But she would know! LANE: She would know what? KYON: She would know I lied, she would know I'm ungrateful and I keep a secret from her! LANE: How would she know? KYON: She know! LANE: No, she no know! She is not magic! KYON: Yes she is! She read thoughts and hand gestures! LANE: Come here. [She makes Kyon sit down.] If you want, I can help you. KYON: Help me? LANE: What do you do every Sunday between noon and four? KYON: I study. LANE: And then? KYON: And then I wait for Mrs. Kim to get home from her Crochet for Christ group with her sister. LANE: Okay. And what do you do while you're waiting? KYON: Nothing. I sit quietly. LANE: Okay. Now wouldn't you rather, let's say, watch some television while you're waiting for my mother to get home? KYON [shaking her head]: Oh, I cannot! LANE: Why? KYON: Mrs. Kim does not want me to watch the television! LANE: And how would she know? KYON: Because, there's a little machine in the television set that will tell her what I watch! LANE: Ha! KYON: What ha? LANE: That machine does not exist. KYON: It does not? LANE: Nope. It took me fifteen years to figure it out, but that's the truth. KYON: So she cannot know? LANE: She also cannot smell fast food on you even after you've showered. KYON: She can't? LANE: And she can't tell how many times you've opened your bible by staring at your palm. KYON: My head spins! LANE: And you don't have to hand out all those religious flyers she gives you. Just post enough of them around here regular route home and she'll think the job is done. KYON: I think I need to lie down. LANE: It's a whole new world, Kyon. A world I fought long and hard to figure out and I'm willing to pass all my knowledge on to you. KYON: So, I can eat fries, watch TV if I get home early from not giving out my flyers? LANE: I wouldn't bring the fries into the house. She has a really good nose. But you're thinking big, and I respect that. KYON: I can watch the TV! LANE: Stick with me, kid, and I'll have you wearing lip gloss within a month. [Luke's apartment. Liz and TJ are still fighting in the bathroom, and LORELAI is still on the phone.] LORELAI: Emily and Richard Gilmore! Oh, come on! I know you speak English. I heard you yell "salmon" earlier. My mother put you up to this. Fine. [Hangs up.] LUKE: What are they doing in there? LORELAI: Um, fighting? LUKE: And how long can you fight in an eight by ten room? LORELAI: Well, maybe they're not fighting. Maybe they're having angry make-up s*x. LUKE: Now that makes me feel much better, thank you. Sorry about dinner. LORELAI: Aw, dinner was great. It was delicious and interactive - LUKE: Okay, I don't know how long this is going to continue. LORELAI: Well, we could set fire to the place. Smoke 'em out. LUKE: Listen, you don't have to sit here. I'll deal with this. You go home. LORELAI: Are you sure? LUKE: Yep. They are my family. Yippee. I'll deal with it. [Puts the cheesecake in a container.] You take this and go home, and we will try again tomorrow. LORELAI: Wow! My own cheesecake. No man's ever given me a whole cheesecake before. LUKE: You remember that. LORELAI: Mm-hmm. Hey, maybe when I get home I'll stir something, seeing as I'm so good at it. Thanks for dinner. [They share a steamy kiss.] LUKE: Thank you for not being related to me. [Lorelai snickers.] LUKE: That came out wrong. LORELAI: No, I got it. Goodnight. LUKE: 'Night. [She leaves.] [Elder Gilmore pool house.] COLIN: Gilmore, your grandfather has apalling taste in Scotch. RORY: I think you should go on inside and tell him! COLIN: If he hasn't learned by now I certainly can't teach him. LOGAN: Colin, make sure you refill that bottle with something, we don't want Ace over here to get busted. COLIN: I know. I know. LOGAN [To Rory]: Refill? RORY: Sure, why not? FINN: Because drinking is bad. It's very, very bad and we're bad for doing it. Spank me. RORY: I think the hangover tomorrow will be punishment enough. FINN: She hasn't had enough champagne, Logan. [He leaves.] LOGAN: Hey, listen, I forgot to tell you, I read the article. RORY: You did? LOGAN: Yep, not bad. RORY: Thank you. LOGAN: Caught the spirit of the thing, I'll give you that. RORY: But? LOGAN: No, no buts. You've got a good style. There were a few too many similes in it for my taste, but it definitely had a Joseph Mitchell thing going for it, I like that. RORY: I'm surprised you even bothered to read it. LOGAN: Are you? Hmm. [Stands up] So, who's it going to be? RORY: What? LOGAN: Well, this shindig's an obvious meat market, I've got the feeling that your grandparents are expecting you to choose someone tonight, so... RORY: Oh, well... FINN: Me. Pick me. CROWD OF GUYS: No, pick me! FINN: But I'm exotic! COLIN: So's the Asian Bird flu. LOGAN: Wow. A room full of guys and still extremely slim pickings. RORY: Well, I don't know. It's a tough choice, maybe I should let my boyfriend help me choose. LOGAN: You have a boyfriend? FINN: I'm crushed. GUY: Ain't it always the way? LOGAN: Do Richard and Emily know about this? RORY: Yeah, they do. LOGAN: They're just trying to make sure you got a backup? RORY: No, they're just - oh no, what time is it? FINN: It's crying time. COLIN: Eight forty five. RORY: Dean is meeting me at eight-thirty! [She gets up to go.] LOGAN: Where? RORY: Here, out front! LOGAN: Dean, is this the boyfriend? RORY: Yes, the boyfriend! LOGAN: Well, we got to see this guy. RORY: What? LOGAN: See who the man is who's won your heart. Got to make sure he's good enough. Let's go, boys! RORY: But - hey! LOGAN: Coming? [Exterior Front door. Dean is waiting and looks up as Rory and the group of guys come out the door.] RORY: Dean, hi. I'm sorry, have you been waiting long? I didn't have a watch and we were in the pool house. These are some friends. They go to Yale with me and they know my grandparents. The party was so boring so we - [She stops as Dean looks very angry.] Is that a new shirt? 'Cause I like it. DEAN: What am I doing here, Rory? RORY: You're picking me up. DEAN: I don't belong here. Not anymore. [He pauses, Rory doesn't deny it.] Do I? RORY: Dean. DEAN: You look good. [He drives away, Rory starts to cry. The guys come over to her.] LOGAN [gently]: You'll be okay. RORY [shakes her head]: No, I won't. LOGAN: Okay, that's it. Back to the pool house, men. We have some serious bucking up to do here. COLIN: I swiped some Scotch. FINN: I'll reenact the Passion of the Christ. [The boys cheer and head inside.] LOGAN: Hey Ace, nothing ever seems quite as bad after Finn's Passion of the Christ. Except Finn's Passion of the Christ. [He puts her arm around her. They go inside.] [Lorelai's house. She dials the phone.] MAID: Gilmore residence. LORELAI: Hello! Oh, you speak English! Thank God! Um, is Emily Gilmore there, please? MAID: It's for you, Mrs. Gilmore. EMILY: Hello? LORELAI: Hi, Mom, it's me. EMILY: Well, hello, Lorelai. How are you? LORELAI: I'm fine. Can I talk to you and Dad for a minute? RICHARD: Your father's paying the caterers. LORELAI: Well this'll just take a minute. Could you maybe go in the study on the speakerphone? Seriously, just one minute? EMILY: All right. Hold on. [a minute.] All right, we're both here. RICHARD: Hello, Lorelai. What can we do for you? LORELAI: I just wanted to touch base with you about this little party you threw for Rory tonight. EMILY: The party was not for Rory, it was for our Yale alumni. LORELAI: Oh, it was not. It was a trick and you know it and I know it so let's just know it together. RICHARD: What do you want, Lorelai? LORELAI: You lied to your granddaughter tonight. You lied to a kid who trusted you. You tricked her. EMILY: It was a party! LORELAI: It was a mating ritual! RICHARD: What are you talking about? LORELAI: All boys, Mom? Seriously? What is that all about? EMILY: It's good for her to interact with her peers. RICHARD: Lorelai, Rory is in a new phase of her life now, and she needs to be exposed to different things, different people. That's all we were trying to do. LORELAI: She has a boyfriend! EMILY: Oh, so what? LORELAI: So, she has a boyfriend, which means she doesn't need another one! RICHARD: She's twenty years old, Lorelai. She's not going to be with that boy forever. LORELAI: Uh-huh. EMILY: That's right. And when she's ready to move on, she will have met some nice young men who will represent the new phase in her life. RICHARD: I'm sure that Dean is a very nice young man. But he is certainly not good enough for Rory! EMILY: That's right! RICHARD: Now she is young. But young people need guidance. And since you seem so little help in this department, we had to step in. LORELAI: Well, step on out again, because this is none of your business! EMILY: Lorelai, I am tired. And the caterers have caked the floor with something sticky and I don't have time for this. We want more for her, period. Now obviously it is too late for you but it is not too late for Rory, and we are going to make sure that she has the life she deserves! LORELAI: You know, it doesn't matter what you think of me, okay? Rory will choose her own path in life and there's nothing either one of you can do about it. EMILY: I'm hanging up. LORELAI: Well, me too. [They hang up. Lorelai sees headlights as a car pulls up. The door opens, RORY shrieks as she is getting out of a limo with the rowdy group of guys. She seems to be having a blast. Rory stumbles up the walk.] LOGAN: Whoa, Ace, you need some help there? RORY: Bye! [Lorelai, sad, stops watching.]

After Emily discovers that Rory is seeing Dean again, she calls a temporary truce with Richard so that they can jointly host a Yale alumni party whose express purpose is to find a suitable match for their unsuspecting granddaughter; Liz and T.J. buy a house in Stars Hollow; Mrs. Kim flips out after Kyon tells her that Lane and Zach hugged in Luke's Diner; when the pressures of being new homeowners lead Liz and T.J. to quarrel, T.J. seeks refuge with his brother-in-law, and ruins the romantic dinner and evening Luke prepared for Lorelai; Logan appears at the party just in time to rescue Rory from yet another prospective bridegroom, and Rory learns that he's very well acquainted with her grandparents; Lane leads Kyon over to the culinary dark side and reveals the secrets to living a happy teenage life at the Kim house; Dean realizes that he no longer fits into Rory's life, and Logan gallantly steps in to dry her tears.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_06x02

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_06x02_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Bonnie: The other side is collapsing, and everyone in it is going away. We need to start the spell again. We can't. That was our one shot. But Damon's on the other side. The spell the travelers cast across Mystic Falls eliminates spirit magic. Aah! Vampires can't get into Mystic Falls? They can lurk around the borders. Luke Parker has been feeding Elena some concoction that allows her to hallucinate Damon. Elena: The herbs, they make me so thirsty. Aah! Please help me. Caroline: Stefan didn't say good-bye. Damon and Bonnie died, and he just left. Elena: I need you to tell me that you're gonna find Damon and bring him back because I don't think I can live forever without him. Stefan: I can't I gave up. I moved on. I want you to take away Damon. I want you to compel me to forget that I ever loved him. [Rumbling] Do you think it will hurt? [Breaking up] I don't know. [SCENE_BREAK] [ IN MYSTIC FALLS ] (Four Months Ago) (Bright white screen, slowly fading onto Damon's face, he's opening his eyes. They are in the same place they were when they died. He looks over at Bonnie, their hands are still interlaced and they both let go.) Damon: Huh. That got awkward fast. (They are both still looking around confusedly.) Bonnie: What happened? Where are we? (She begins to walk away, out of the woods.) Damon: Where are you going? Hey. (He follows her and now they are in the middle of the street, still in Mystic Falls, Damon reaches up to touch his teeth.) Damon: Well, I feel a fang. I'm still a vampire. Either I'm a dead vampire or Mystic Falls is no longer magic free. Bonnie: Look. (Damon follows her gaze and sees that she is looking at the Mystic Grill, he's confused.) Damon: I definitely blew that up about an hour ago. Bonnie: Why don't we see any people? If we're still on the Other Side we should at least be able to see the living. (They're still puzzled and looking around.) Damon: Where the hell are we? And I don't mean geographically. Bonnie: I have no idea. [SCENE_BREAK] [ IN THE LOCKWOOD MANSION ] (Today.) Matt: Jer! Come on, we're going to be-- (He's walking into the living room where Jeremy sleeps, and sees Sarah in her bra and pants.) Sarah: Sorry I... I needed a place to crash. Jer said it was cool. (Sarah pulls on her shirt, Matt stares at the bourbon in the living room.) Matt: This isn't Jer's house. (Jeremy sits up on the couch bare-chested.) Jeremy: Well it's not yours either. Sarah: Look it's no big deal, I can just take off. Matt: Yeah, why don't you do that. (Sarah walks out after everyone exchanges looks.) Sarah: Bye. (Once she leaves, Matt looks over at Jeremy.) Matt: Why would you bring her here? You shouldn't be anywhere near her, dumbass. Not after what happened yesterday. Jeremy: Caroline compelled her to forget Elena attacked her. It's not a big deal. Matt: Not a big deal? Right, I forgot. You don't care about anything. (Matt walks out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ IN SAVANNAH, GA, STEFAN'S HOUSE ] (Toast pops up and Ivy quickly drops them into a plate, she's in the kitchen alone, cooking breakfast. She scampers over to the fridge, she pulls out orange juice.) Stefan: Hey. (Ivy turns, surprised.) Ivy: Hey. (Stefan is confused.) Stefan: Uh, what are you doing? Ivy: Um, I'm... I mean I thought it would be nice to d... completely overstay my welcome. (Ivy sets the orange juice down. A disappointed look on her face. Stefan fully enters the kitchen and turns off the stove.) Ivy: I'm sorry, I thought I... never mind what I thought. Stefan: No, no. I just... I wasn't really expecting you to... still be here. That's all. Ivy: Right. Because why should you expect someone you spent the night with to make assumptions about breakfast. I'm gonna go. (Ivy begins to walk out of the kitchen.) Stefan: No, no, Ivy. I was just-- Ivy: No, Stefan I get it. I am super into you, you're intermittently into me. Breakfast, bad. (Ivy grabs her purse.) Stefan: Ivy, look why don't we... have dinner tonight. Although I should probably do the cooking. (They both smile at each other.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ IN ELENA'S DORM ] (There are framed pictures on her dresser, one of Caroline and Elena sticking there tongues out, one of Elena kissing Damon's cheek. A picture of Tyler and Elena. Elena, who was looking at the photographs, sets a cardboard box on her bed. She grabs a blue button-up shirt from the bed, folds it and places it in the box. She grabs another framed photo of Damon and Elena posing beside each other and puts that in the box too. She heads to the dresser, grabs the photo of her kissing Damon, and then she grabs photobooth pics of Damon and Elena making faces. She slides her drawer open, with both things in her hand and grabs Damon's black shirt. Elena holds the things tightly to her chest while she remembers Damon and Elena kissing. She puts the two photos in the box, places the photobooth pics in her diary as a bookmark and places it in another box.) Elena (V.O.): It's been four months, it's time for me to let go. (Switches to Jeremy's face, he's sitting on the bench with Matt in a park. Elena was talking to him.) Jeremy: You gonna erase Bonnie from your head too? Elena: Missing Bonnie, makes me sad, Jer. Missing Damon makes me dangerous. Alaric will compel away any memories and then make me forget that I had him do it. I need you to keep the truth from me too. Tyler and Stefan are on board. Matt: What about Caroline? Elena: Somehow I doubt she'll take much convincing. [SCENE_BREAK] [ IN A DINER ] (Caroline is sitting across from Alaric in a booth.) Caroline: You said that Stefan was looking for a way to bring Damon and Bonnie back. Alaric: I thought he was. I've been feeding him leads for months. He let me believe he was following them. Caroline: Well, I've been a little focused on magic bubble duty. And as you can see by the lack of magic in Mystic Falls, it's a spectacular fail of a mission. And now you're telling me that this whole time no one has been doing anything to help Bonnie and Damon? Alaric: I wouldn't exactly say no one. [SCENE_BREAK] [ IN A HOTEL CLOSET ] (Enzo is kissing a witches neck.) Enzo: Oh, just lay it down. Witch: I don't know anything. Enzo: You witches are also monstrously secretive. Lucky for me I'm quite gifted at unraveling the truth. (He gets on his knees and begins to kiss her bra.) Witch: Okay, there's a coven in Oregon. They'd found a way to communicate with their ancestors before it went away. Maybe they know what happened to your friends. They call themselves the Gemini Coven. They're small and weird and they don't like outsiders. Enzo: See? You did know something. Witch: I just wanted you to work for it. (Caroline appears behind them.) Caroline: Ahem. Enzo: Ha ha, well, well well. Well, there's a blast from the past. Hello gorgeous. [SCENE_BREAK] [ IN ELENA'S DORM ] (Alaric is closing the shades, Elena in sitting in a chair across from an empty one.) Elena: Talk me through it again? Alaric: I raided the psychology department's research library, and a nutshell would be using a combination of hypnotherapy and memory reprocessing techniques. (Elena nods, Alaric has already sat down in front of her. He places a hand on her knee and looks into her eyes, compelling her.) Alaric: The more we talk, the more you'll relax and open your mind to me. (Alaric stops compelling her and settles back.) Alaric: We're going to be searching through memories that are deeply embedded, and each significant memory that we hit which is connected to Damon I will help you modify. And this should eventually lead us to the signature memory which once erased will create a positive domino effect through all your other memories. Elena: Can't you just compel me to forget everything at once? Or we can go get a beer? (They laugh softly.) Alaric: I am supernaturally rewiring three years of your memories. If it were that easy, I wouldn't be so terrifying. (Elena nods, she looks sad.) (Alaric places his hand on her knee, compelling her again.) Alaric: I have some questions. Answer them honestly. Elena: I will answer everything honestly. Alaric: Do you have doubts about this? Elena: Yes. But I know I have to do this. Alaric: Are you afraid? Elena: More sad than afraid. Alaric: Why sad? Elena: Because I don't want to stop loving him. Alaric: Do you trust me, to be digging around in your mind? Elena: I trust you completely. Alaric: Okay. Well then let's... let's get started... Who is Damon Salvatore? Elena: He was my boyfriend, I loved him and he died. Alaric: And when did you first meet him? Elena: I was in high school. (Flashback to when they first met) Damon: Katherine. Elena: No, I'm Elena. Damon: I'm Damon.) Alaric: And what was he like? Elena: There was something different about him, dangerous. But not in a way that scared me. He was exciting. (Flashback to when they first met: Elena (in the road): I don't know what I want. Damon: Well, that's not true. You want what everybody wants. Elena: What?) Alaric: And how did he make you feel? Elena: Like anything was possible. (Alaric looks her in the eyes, compelling her again.) Alaric: You had a nice moment in the road with a stranger. But that's all he was, a stranger. Elena: Stranger, two people passing in the night. (A tear is on her face.) Alaric: Are you okay? Elena: Hmm, yeah let's just keep going. IN MYSTIC FALLS, OTHERWORLDLY: (It's morning time, the streets are deserted and Bonnie and Damon are walking in the middle of the street. Damon has his leather jacket slung over his shoulder, Bonnie's gray jacket is tied around her waist.) Damon (groans): How many more streets are we going to wander? Bonnie (looks annoyed): How many times are you going to ask me questions I don't have the answers to? Huh? (Damon looks back at her and they continue in silence.) Bonnie: There's something weird about these cars. (They stop at a parked one, it's white.) Damon: Yeah, they're all 20 years old or more and yet they look brand new. (He runs his hand over the hood, he looks up at a house, a look washing over his face. It's Elena's house, there are toys on the lawn.) Damon: And that is Elena's not-so-burnt-to-a-crisp house. (They walk in front of it, Damon sees a newspaper on the grass and picks it up, unfolds it and reads it.) Bonnie (looks at him confusedly): Hmm? (Damon turns to her and holds out the paper so she can read.) Damon: Look. (Bonnie cranes her neck and reads.) Bonnie: Rare solar eclipse expected to be seen across 12 states? Damon (rolls his eyes): The date. Bonnie: May 10th, 1994. Is that--? Are we--? But that's impossible. (Suddenly the sky turns darker blue, they look up and see the eclipse blotting out the sun.) Damon: I don't think we should be asking where we are, I think we should be asking when we are. [ IN ELENA'S DORM ] (Alaric and Elena are still sitting across from each other in chairs, Elena's eyes are shut.) Alaric: Tell me about this moment. (Flashback to 3x10 when Damon kissed Elena on her porch: Damon: No, you know what? If I'm going to feel guilty about something, I'm going to feel guilty about this. He kisses her. Elena (V.O.): He kissed me. I mean, I shouldn't have let him. I knew that he was in love with me, and even though Stefan and I were on the outs, I shouldn't have let him. (Alaric leans forward, looking into her eyes, compelling her.) Alaric: He kissed you, you thought it was inappropriate. You told him so. Elena: I told him it was wrong. Alaric: Who is Damon Salvatore? Elena: He was my boyfriend. (Alaric looks down in disappointment.) Elena: I loved him, and... he... he died. Alaric: You know, why don't we... why don't we take a little break, okay? To be honest, I could use a drink. [SCENE_BREAK] [ IN MYSTIC FALLS, OTHERWORLDLY ] (Damon is swinging on the porch swing in Elena's back porch, Bonnie is sitting on the steps, toys around the porch.) Damon: Where is any booze in this empty retroville? Bonnie: It feels so weird to be back here, I practically grew up on this porch. (Damon stops the swing.) Damon: Alright, talk me through it. (Bonnie turns to him.) Bonnie: Before the Other Side collapsed, my Grams said that she made a sacrifice so that I could find peace. Damon: The part where you actually have a theory. (Bonnie rolls her eyes.) Bonnie: Well, this clearly isn't peace, otherwise I wouldn't be stuck here with you. (Damon makes a face.) Damon: Rude. Bonnie: She must have... I don't know, sent me somewhere. And when I held your hand... it took you with me. Damon: Well, did she happen to whisper a safe word in her last breaths. A clue, maybe? Witchy path out of here? Bonnie: No, but if we got here by magic, magic should be able to get us out. (Damon raises his eyebrows.) Damon: And that frown that's not upside down is telling me what? (Bonnie looks toward a glass cup.) Bonnie: Fes matos incendia (They both look intently at the glass, but nothing happens, Bonnie looks down in disappointment.) Damon: Still can't do magic. (Damon sits back on the swing, his shoulders sagging.) Damon: Perfect. [SCENE_BREAK] [ IN A PARK ] (Elena is sitting at the edge of a bench with her phone to her ear.) Elena: You're the last person I think would object to me erasing positive memories of Damon from my head. (Caroline is in her car, her phone to her ear also.) Caroline: Yeah, but we are literally chasing a lead. W-what if we find something out? Yeah, you know what if Damon returns home and everything returns back to normal? And you're just sitting there all confused and weird? (Elena stands up.) Elena: Then Alaric will bring back my memories. Caroline: But-- Elena: But what? Go ahead, Caroline say what you need to say. I don't want to... pressure you into agreeing. Caroline: I... don't know what to say, I was actually trying to think of what Bonnie would say. (Elena sighs and walks to a tree, she begins to kick it softly with her shoe.) Elena: And? Caroline: And... she'd say that you should do what's best for you. Elena: Look, I think it's great that you still have hope, I really do but... for my own survival I need to let him go. Caroline: Well, then go on with your what-would-bonnie-bennett-do plan. (Caroline laughs.) Caroline: I'll make bumper stickers. (Elena giggles.) Elena: I love you. Caroline: I love you too. (The camera slowly moves out so that you see that Enzo is sitting beside her in the car.) Enzo: Girl bonding, very sweet. I heard you dropped out of school. Caroline: And I heard you were a lurker who was spying on my life. When do we exit? Enzo: Soon, uh. You should reconsider. Looks can only get a girl so far these days. Caroline: Yeah, well I'm not taking feminist tips from a guy who just used his tongue to get secrets out of a coat check girl. Enzo: Garment detendant. Caroline: You just made that up. So, did you also make up the 'Gemini Coven' lead too? Because I've never heard of them. Who are they? Enzo: No idea, that's not where we're headed. Caroline: What?! Wu-Wait, where are we going? Enzo: You'll see. [SCENE_BREAK] [ IN SAVANNAH, GA: STEFAN'S HOUSE ] (Stefan's hands are hastily chopping cucumbers, and mushrooms. He puts them in a steaming pan. He drops cheese in it and begins to pour wine in the pan. Dusting his hands, Stefan goes to the fridge, opens it and takes out a bloodbag. He squeezes it into his mouth and sighs of pleasure. He hears the door making noises so he hurries and tosses it back in the fridge, turning to see Ivy.) Stefan: Hey. Ivy: Hey. Stefan: Perfect timing, I was just uh-- Ivy: I ran into some of your friends. (Stefan looks confused.) Stefan: What? Where? (Enzo and Caroline steps into the house since the door was still open, he scrubs his hands together.) Enzo: Stefan! You are a hard man to track down. Uh, I wasn't sure if you're new..friend would invite us in but she said that this was your place. Which means... open invitation to all your mates, right? (Enzo rubs his hands together again.) Got any bourbon? (He walks out of the camera, leaving it on Caroline. She looks a bit angry with her arms folded, she exchanges a look with Stefan, who looks a bit guilty.) [ BLACK SCREEN, THEN IT RETURNS TO THE SCENE. ] (Ivy, Stefan, Caroline and Enzo are seated at the table, Enzo is staring Stefan down.) Enzo: Good stuff, mate. (Stefan nods, pleased.) Ivy: So, how do you guys know Stefan? Caroline: He and I went to high school together. He used to date my best friend. (She cuts a glance at Stefan.) (Caroline, Ivy and Stefan exchange awkward glances.) Caroline: Not that he's not allowed to date, I mean they broke up. I just didn't realize that he had met someone. So how did you meet exactly? Stefan: Uh, Ivy's car was in the shop, where I work. Caroline: You work at an Auto-Repair shop? Stefan (smacks his lips): It's relaxing. Ivy (looks confused): Why? What did you used to do? Enzo: Ah, man of all seasons, jack of all trades. (He looks toward Ivy.) You have a lovely clavicle. Ivy: Oh, Thank you. I think. Enzo: Forgive me, I... always notice a woman's neck. I'm a neck person! So is Stefan, right Stefan? Stefan: Not anymore. Enzo: Ah, well that's silly. You can't just stop being a neck person. (Ivy leans over to whisper at Caroline: Is Enzo your boyfriend? Caroline: Ugh, oh god no. Would you date that? Enzo: Uh, hello. I'm right here, I have super-sensitive hearing. Practically supernatural. Do you believe in the supernatural, Ivy? Ivy: I've... never really thought about it. Enzo: I myself, am I believer. Had to get a witch to do a locator's spell to find my buddy here. (Everyone exchanges looks, and then they begin to laugh.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE, OTHERWORLDLY ] (A song is playing on the radio, Damon is flipping pancakes while dancing and mouthing the song. He has a bottle of bourbon in his hand and he is chugging it as he cooks. Bonnie is stepping into the house, a teddybear in her hand, along with a book. She hears the music, smells the food and smiles a bit. Damon is taking a large gulp of bourbon as she enters the kitchen and clears her throat. Damon stops dancing, clearing his throat in the process.) Bonnie: I didn't know you cooked. Damon: I don't. How'd you sleep? Me... not good. My 1994 mattress was very lumpy. Whatcha got there? (Bonnie looks down at her belongings in her hand.) (She waggles her bear.) Bonnie: Oh, Ms. Cuddles, I lost her when I was nine. But I went into my house last night and... here she was. (She lifts up the book she had been carrying.) I also found this at my Grams's house. Her old grimoire. (Damon walks over to the radio, with bourbon in his hand.) Damon: Yeah, well I found this. Drank it last year when Ric died. (He removes the CD that was playing.) Bonnie: So we're in this snapshot of another time, or... something. (Damon twists the CD rack with his hand covering his eyes. He picks one.) Bonnie: Everything that existed in 1994, still exists. Damon: For better, or for worse? (He kisses the CD in his hand before putting it into the radio. He turns the radio on and the music begins to play, but Bonnie hurries to click it off.) Bonnie: Listen, there was a time when I couldn't practice magic. This grimoire taught me alot, maybe... I can reteach myself. (Damon turns the radio back on.): If you were still a witch. Which with our luck, and your skill... probably ain't the case. Bonnie: Would a little support kill you? Damon: You know, I am acutely aware that we are in some otherworldly time dimension. However, do you ever think for one second that maybe it's you being negative reacting to my natural self negative-ly? (Bonnie looks speechless, yet appalled): You're ridiculous. Damon: Nope, I'm consistent. (Damon puts two pancakes onto a plate and sets it in front of Bonnie.) Eat your pancakes. Oh, and--(He grabs the newspaper from the counter and drops it in front of her.)--you can do a crossword puzzle. Bonnie: Oh, gee, thanks-- (She picks it up.) --breakfast with my least favorite person, and a crossword puzzle, from 1994. (She turns her back to him, opening the paper.) Alright, what's a seven letter word for-- (Suddenly, the sky darkens like before. They look up in surprise. Damon is looking in the window and sees the eclipse. Damon: You've got to be kidding me. Bonnie, look at the date on that paper. (Bonnie looks down and reads.): It says, May 10th, 1994. It's the same day as yesterday. (They exchange looks.) Bonnie: We're living the same day all over again. Damon: Well that proves it, we're in hell. Our own personal, custom-built hell. And you're in it with me. (Damon raises his bourbon.) Bottoms up. (He drinks.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE LOCKWOOD MANSION ] Matt: A little early for that, don't ya think? (Jeremy is sitting on the couch, bourbon in his hand while Matt is wearing sweat clothes, earphones out of his his ears.) Jeremy: It's dark out. Matt: I meant in life. (Jeremy stands up.) Matt: Where's Sarah? (Jeremy, his face turned from Matt, answers): Don't know, I'm not her keeper. (Matt plugs his earphones in his ear while turning and walking out.): I'm going for a jog. (Matt's gone, and Sarah steps out into appearance.) Sarah: You guys don't like each other very much, do you? Jeremy: He's trying to give me purpose. Sarah: Why didn't you tell him I was still here? Jeremy: Didn't feel like it. [SCENE_BREAK] [ NIGHT IN MYSTIC FALLS ] (Matt is jogging in the night, when a car stops beside him. It's Tripp, head of the Mystic Falls Militia community.) Tripp: Hey, five miles with the group this morning wasn't enough for you? Matt: Tripp, hey. I'm just blowing off some steam, what's up? Tripp: That girl, from yesterday, the one with the animal bites. You know where she ended up? Matt: Yeah, at my house. I'm not sure how that happened. Tripp: She there now? Matt: No, she split, why? Tripp: I have some deputy buddies over at the station, one of them said that the sheriff ran the plates and the car came up stolen. Matt: You're kidding. Tripp: No, you know I can be paranoid but if there was a bad element coming through town. I want to keep tabs on it. Matt: Yeah. Tripp: So, let me know if she shows back up at your place? Matt: Yeah, I will. (Tripp drives off.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ IN ELENA'S DORM ] (Elena is standing by the window, staring out.) Elena: It was the Miss Mystic Falls pageant. Stefan was supposed to be my escort but... (Flashback, 1x19, the pageant. Elena in her blue dress, walking down the steps. Elena (V.O.): He bailed on me. (Damon is waiting at the end of the stairs for her.) Elena (V.O.): Damon stepped in. ) (She's smiling as she stares out the window.): He saved me from being embarrassed, in front of everyone. (Flashback, Damon is holding Elena's hand as he is walking her toward the other contestants. Elena (V.O.): He took my arm, and led me out with the rest of the girls and all their dates and we danced. I remember that was the first time, I felt it. Alaric (behind her, walks up): Felt what? Elena (turns to him): How sexy he was. I'd never let myself notice until then, I mean obviously I knew he was attractive but... I didn't want to see him that way. (Alaric walks toward her, looking in her eyes, compelling her.): You went down the stairs and no one was there. Elena: I was embarrassed but I got over it. Alaric: Who is Damon Salvatore? Elena: He was my boyfriend, I loved him and he died. (She puts her hands on her head in frustration.) Ric, I hate this. I mean, wha--? How much longer is it going to take? Alaric: Until we find that signature moment. The moment you knew you loved him. Elena: Well, that's easy. It was after I found out about the sire bond. Everyone kept telling me that my feelings weren't real but I knew that they were. (He stares into her eyes, compelling her.): Okay, your feelings were because of the sire bond, who is Damon Salvatore? Elena: He was my boyfriend-- Alaric: That's not it. You gotta dig deeper, earlier. Elena: I-I- I don't know, okay I... maybe it was when we spent the night at the motel together, I wasn't back together with Stefan yet and-- (Flashback to 3x19, Elena and Damon are lying in bed beside each other, Damon touching Elena's hand.) Elena: And all I could think about was kissing him. (Elena kisses Damon in flashback.) Elena: I wanted to kiss him so badly. (Alaric looks in her eyes, compelling her.): No one kissed anyone, who is Damon Salvatore? Elena: He was my boyfriend-- Alaric: That's not it, next. Elena: I don't know, Ric! Alaric: Well think about it, Elena! Think about that moment where you knew this person was somebody you had feelings for. That you loved, that you could see those feelings going on forever. Trust me, you never forget. Elena: Maybe we should just forget about this entire thing, it was a stupid idea, okay I-I can't do this anymore, alright? I'm done. I'm sorry. (Elena walks out of the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE SALVATORE HOUSE, OTHERWORLDLY ] (The eclipse is still in the sky, but it moves out of the way to reveal a bright sun. Inside, Damon is behind the counter, flipping pancakes. Bonnie seated at the table with the newspaper.) Bonnie: What's a seven letter word for kill me now? Damon: That joke got old six weeks ago. Bonnie: And so did this crossword puzzle. Everyday for two months I've done this stupid thing and I still can't figure out 27 across. Old tongue twister, Eddie turned top 40? (Damon puts two pancakes on a plate and circles it with whipped cream. He places it in front of Bonnie, who grabs her pencil and stabs angrily at her breakfast.) Bonnie: I hate pancakes! Damon: Whoa, don't take it out on the pancakes. Those pancakes, like myself, are waiting for you to be witchy to get us the hell out of here. Bonnie (stands abruptly): You know I've been trying! Damon: And failing. Further evidence, we're in hell. Not only am I stuck with you, I'm stuck with the useless version of you. (Bonnie is appalled slack-jawed and she opens her mouth to say something but closes it again.): Did you hear that? Damon (frustrated): What would I have heard, Bonnie? We're the only two people here, we were the only two people here two months ago and the only two people here now! Bonnie: Well I swear I heard something! Damon: Maybe it's the sound of existential despair. I hear that's what hell sounds like. Bonnie: You know what? You think we're trapped in your hell? I have to spend everyday on repeat with the person I like least on this earth--! Maybe we're trapped in mine. (Bonnie snatches her teddybear and leaves angrily.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ SAVANNAH, GA, STEFAN'S HOUSE ] Enzo: So, Stefan, tell us, this house, very charming. When'd you get it? (Stefan is pouring wine into a glass cup.): About a month or so ago. Ivy: No, more than that, remember? We met two months ago and you already had it. Caroline: You've... lived here for more than TWO months? Stefan: Yeah, I guess I have. Caroline: Well, I guess that's just weird because, you know; everyone thought you were living somewhere else. (Stefan sits.) Caroline: And you're job was supposed to be investigative work not Auto-Repair. Stefan: Right. Well, I've moved on from that job. Caroline: Well, you can't move on from investigative work until you've solved the investigation, Stefan. Stefan: How 'bout we just drop it? I'm happy doing what I'm doing now, and that's all that should really matter, right? (Caroline leans forward to protest but Enzo stops her.) Enzo: There, darling. No need to make a scene. Really it's all just some big misunderstanding, perhaps this will clear it all up. (Enzo grabs his fork and stabs Stefan's hand to the table, Ivy screams, and Caroline spits out her wine.) Ivy: OH MY GOD! Caroline: ENZO! Stefan (wincing from pain): What the hell is wrong with you? Enzo: So many secrets, what are you running from, Stefan? (Enzo removes the fork and the wound heals.) Ivy: Um, I-I don't-- (Caroline gets up, grabs Ivy by her chin and looks in her eyes, compelling her.) Caroline: Calm down, come with me. Let's go upstairs. (She turns to Enzo angrily.) No need to make a scene?! (Caroline and Ivy leave, Stefan and Enzo stare at each other with hatred.) Enzo: What kind of coward gives up on his own brother? Stefan: You don't know what you're talking about. (Stefan gets up and superspeeds toward Enzo, who holds him back with his arm, Enzo speeds him at the fridge and grabs another fork, stabbing Stefan in his neck.) Enzo: Why don't you enlighten me? (Stefan pushes Enzo back, he crashes into the dinner table and breaks it. Stefan removes the fork from his neck, Enzo gets up and speeds, pinning Stefan to the wall, but Stefan bangs his head against Enzo, who stumbles back leaving Stefan to punch him. When Enzo stumbles, holding on to the kitchen counter for support, Stefan snaps his neck.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ STEFAN'S HOUSE, IN THE HALL ] (Caroline is sitting on her steps with her cell phone in her hand, she gets up.) Caroline: Hey, this is really not a good time. Alaric: I'm sorry, I-I've just really hit a wall with Elena. I just need some insight. Caroline: Okay, what's the wall? Alaric: I'm trying to get her to figure out when she first fell in love with Damon but she... can't seem to get there. Caroline (V.O.): (Alaric is sitting on Elena's dorm bed.) Yeah, because she doesn't want to admit what everyone already knows. (It switches back to Caroline) Caroline: That she fell in love with Damon while she was still with Stefan. (The stairs creak behind her and she turns, it's Stefan. He looks at his feet.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ BLACK SCREEN, BEFORE IT RETURNS ] (Stefan is back in the kitchen/diningroom, he's picking up a chair. The room is completely trashed and Enzo is still temporarily-dead, slumped by the counter, Caroline is standing my the door.) Stefan: You should probably get him out of here. He'll be up soon and I really don't feel like another go-around. Caroline (surrenders from silence): I'm sorry that you heard what I said. Stefan: It's fine, Caroline. I really don't care. Caroline: Why? Why don't you care? You're the one who always cared, it's what I liked about you. You know amidst all the crazy in our perfectly-messed-up lives, you cared more than anyone. So how could you just... stop? Stefan: Cause I had to. I had to 'move on'. You know, the months before I moved here I was following every lead that Alaric sent my way. I spoke to every witch, every shaman, every psychic in 20 countries around the globe, and every lead was a dead end. Caroline: But Enzo has another lead, there's this coven in Oregon-- Stefan: The Gemini Coven, yeah I looked into them too, Caroline there was nothing there. Because there's nothing we can do, Damon and Bonnie are DEAD. I had to come to terms with that. And once I did, I had to start over, I couldn't just live my life with my old friends, I couldn't just go near Mystic Falls or Elena or-- Caroline: Or me? (They look at each other, Stefan looks away guiltily.) Cause I thought we were closer than that, I mean... you could hear in all those messages that I left you, you couldn't hear that I was completely falling apart without you? (She stares at him for his response but Stefan is still looking down, guiltily, her face straightens in realization, she looks away from his face.) Cause you never listened to them. Stefan: I had to move on I didn't have a choice. (Caroline looks extremely sad, and appalled, her eyes are filling with tears.) I had to erase everything. (Caroline sighs, looking more angry than sad now.): Well, let me summarize them for you. You're a dick, if you want him out of your house, you'll throw him out yourself. (She storms out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ IN ELENA'S DORM ] (Elena is ripping open the box of Damon's thing, it's on her bed and her cellphone is sitting on her bed too.) The receiver: ...is not available, please leave a message. Elena: Luke, where are you? I need more of that stuff like... now, I'm starting to go--(She pauses when Alaric is standing by the door, but then she continues to take the stuff from the box.): I don't want to hear it, Ric, okay? We tried, it didn't work. It's over. Alaric: It didn't work because you weren't being honest. Elena: I wasn't... are you crazy? (Alaric shuts the door.) Elena: I was being completely honest. Do you think I want to talk to you about my romantic life? Alaric: You weren't being honest with yourself. (Elena looks down at the box.) Alaric: Look, I want to hear all the Damon stuff... while you were still with Stefan. (Elena looks up at him, incredulously.): No, I was completely faithful to Stefan. Alaric: Of course you were-- Elena: I did everything-- Alaric: I know-- Elena: I stuck with him, even when he lost his humanity-- Alaric: I know you di-- Elena: After he left a trail of bodies from Florida to Virginia, I fought for him. Alaric: I know you did, Elena, you don't want to admit it because you feel like you're betraying Stefan but this won't work until you do. Elena: No, I loved Stefan. The entire time, I never would have hurt him. (She's staring at the framed photos of her and Damon, her back turned to Alaric.) Alaric: Elena, you've been lucky enough to love two people this deeply, in your young life. There's nothing wrong with that. It's okay. (Elena smirks without amusement.) Elena (repeating Katherine from 2x22): It's okay to love them both. (She turns to stare at Alaric.) That's what Katherine used to say. (There are tears in her eyes, as she slowly sits on the bed.) How sad is it that my own evil doppelganger was smarter than me? (Alaric grabs a chair and sits in front of her, a tear slips from her eye.) Alaric: It's okay, Elena you can tell me, tell me the moment you knew you loved him. Elena (teary eyed and reassured): It was my birthday. [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE SALVATORE HOUSE, OTHERWORLDLY ] (Damon is sitting on the ground in the hallway, throwing a ball at the wall, and catching it, the screen says 'Today,'.) Elena (V.O.): Damon and I spent the entire summer looking for Stefan. (Damon stops throwing the ball and looks at his hand, his expression is without amusement, he just looks sad.) Elena (V.O.): And I was trying to put on a good face because Caroline was throwing this party for me but I was just so sad. (Damon gets up from the ground, walking from the hall.) (Flashback to 3x01, Elena is in front of the mirror wearing the white dress, she's admiring herself.) Elena (V.O.): I was two seconds from deciding that I wasn't going to go, I wasn't going to leave the room. (Damon is slouched against the wall with his arms folded.) Elena (V.O.): Until Damon walked in to give me my... birthday gift. (Present day Damon is standing in the same room as the flashback, he flicks on the light, and slouches against the wall just like the flashback, he's thinking of the moment too.) (Flashback: Elena turns when she sees Damon, and smiles.) (Present day Damon smiles at the memory and walks fully into the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ ELENA'S DORM ] Elena: It was the necklace that Stefan had given me, I'd lost it. (Flashback: Damon approaches Elena with a small box and he opens it. It's Stefan's necklace.) Elena (V.O. flashback): And Damon knew what the necklace meant to me. (Flashback) Elena: My necklace. (Present day) Elena: What it meant about my feelings for Stefan. Even though he loved me. (Flashback: Elena picks up her hair so Damon can put the necklace on.) Elena (V.O. flashback): He gave me the one thing that represented hope for me and his brother. I knew how much it hurt him. But he did it. (Flashback: Elena turns to Damon after he's finished.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE, OTHERWORLDLY ] (Damon is taking Stefan's necklace from a small box as he stares at it, remembering Elena. He fists the necklace tightly in his hand.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ ELENA'S DORM ] (Elena gropes at her neck, even though the necklace isn't there.): It was... the most selfless that he's ever been, and in that moment... I loved him. I didn't want to, I mean, I... It terrified me but, for that moment I loved him. [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE, OTHERWORLDLY ] (Damon puts the necklace back in the box and stares absently, he looks extremely sad but no tears are visible.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ ELENA'S DORM ] Elena: Do it. (Screen flashes to otherworldly Damon, he still looks sad, then it goes back to Elena.) (Elena grabs Alaric's hands desperately.): It's okay, I'm ready. Alaric: I need you to be sure. Are you sure? Elena: I'm sure, just take it away, please. (Tears are streaming down her face.) (Alaric leans forward, compelling her.) Alaric: Damon never came into the room, he never gave you the necklace. The party was miserable, but you spent the night at your house watching movies and eating popcorn with Jeremy. (Flashback: Damon snaps Jeremy's neck in 2x01, Elena falls down next her brother and looks up with hatred for Damon.) Elena: Jeremy. (She said in realization.) Damon killed Jeremy, he snapped his neck right in front of me. Alaric: Elena, who is Damon Salvatore? Elena (angry): He's Stefan's brother, he's a monster. (She turns away with hatred.) Then he died. [SCENE_BREAK] [ OUTSIDE OF STEFAN'S HOUSE ] (Caroline is in her car, balling her eyes out. Her makeup is smeared and she is practically wailing. But then her cell phone buzzes and she picks it up, she attempts to take the tearyness from her voice.) Caroline: Hey. (Elena is taking some clothes out.): Put on some party clothes and come to Whitmore. Tyler's coming over and we are going out. (Caroline laughs.): You sound good. Elena: I am good, I had a good day. I ditched all my classes and hung out with Ric, and we um... we talked about Bonnie. (Caroline is softly crying, without Elena hearing her.) Elena: I had a good cry, and I don't know I... I really feel like things are taking a turn for the better. So get your ass down here and let's have some fun. Caroline: Well, how about I come in, sneak in the dorms and spend the night later, for old times' sake. Elena: Sounds perfect, love you. Caroline: Love you too. (When she hangs up she begins to cry again, but then Enzo opens the door and steps into the car, Caroline turns to the window so he can't see her cry.) Enzo: Oh, well that was a bit of a bust. (He notices that she's sniffling and that she's not turned to him and his expressions turns into one of concern.) Hey, hey. (Enzo grabs her face and turns her to him, he sees her crying and he looks angry, he lets her go.) I'll be right back. (Enzo leaves Caroline sobbing in the car.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INSIDE STEFAN'S HOUSE ] (Stefan is squatting, picking up the broken legs to the table, Ivy is entering the room.) Ivy: Hey, did your friends leave? (She notices the broken table.) Whoa, what happened? Stefan: Oh, you know my friend he's a... a bad drunk. Ivy (smiling): Yikes, well at least your friend Caroline seemed nice. Stefan (has the broken legs in his hand): Yeah, well I'm going to go throw this out. (He heads into the backyard, and when he returns into the house Enzo has Ivy by her neck with both his hands.) Stefan (slowly walking forward): Let her go. Enzo: Okay. (He snaps her neck and she falls to the ground.) Stefan: No! (Stefan superspeeds toward Enzo but Enzo throws him back onto the ground, and slowly approaches him.) Enzo: I've got a girl out there crying over you, because she cares so much. (Stefan sits up but doesn't attack Enzo, his eyes are wide in shock.) Enzo: I'm over here trying to figure out why, because I can't see what's worth caring about. (Stefan stands up, there are tears in his eyes.) Enzo: You know Damon once told me that he promised you an eternity of misery. And I remember thinking "well what could his brother have ever done to inspire so much hatred?" But now I get it... you're not a brother to him. Brother's don't give up. (He takes a step forward.) So every time I see you doing anything that looks like you've done so, every time you try to start over in a life that's nothing but a lie, I will make you pay. (Stefan's face looks like he's been crying, but his face isn't wet.) Enzo: I will be the one to bring you the misery you deserve. (Stefan growls and superspeeds at Enzo, but he snaps Stefan's neck and Stefan falls to the ground.) Enzo (breathless): See? We're all still neck-people. (He walks out through the back door.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE LOCKWOOD MANSION ] (Jeremy is outside on the balcony, his phone to his ear.) Voicemail: It's Bonnie, leave me a message. The phone beeps and Jeremy starts talking: Hey, it's me. I paid your cell bill again, your Mom said I could, I think she felt sorry for me or something. Maybe she just wants to hear the sound of your voice too, what do I know? I'm so pissed at you, Bonnie. Yeah, still. You... you told me that you were gonna die over the phone. So you kind of deserve me railing at you on voicemails that you're never gonna get. I guess I'll call and yell at you again, tomorrow. (He removes the phone from his ear and leaves the balcony, Matt walks to him.) Jeremy: Ah! You scared the hell out of me. Matt: Shh, we've got a little problem. Sarah's shady, the plates on her car are stolen, she's gotta go. Jeremy: What are you? Deputy Dewey? How do you know that? (Sarah appears behind them.): It doesn't matter how he knows it, he's right. I stole it from my old boss, he had wandering hands to I wandered my hands to his car keys. Matt: Look no offense, but you've gotta find someplace else to stay. Sarah: I totally get it, I appreciate you guys helping me, really I do. It's okay, I have family here. Sort of, I mean, I haven't met him but my Dad. He supposedly lives here. It's not like he's just going to let me sleep on the street, right? Jeremy: Matt, at least let her stay until she finds her Dad. Matt: Seriously, Jer? I'm on the community protection committee and she's a car thief. Jeremy: Alright fine, we can go stay at Stefan and Damon's, no one's there. Matt: You can't leave, I told Elena that I'd watch out for you. Jeremy: It's not like she can do anything about it. (Jeremy takes Sarah's hand and leads her out of the house.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ OUTSIDE MYSTIC FALLS, MORNING ] (Tripp is driving his large car, with his phone in between the seats.) Matt (on phone): So she says she has family here. Tripp: That's probably another lie but I'll look into it, thanks Matt. (Matt, who was walking in front of the mansion,): Look Jeremy's a good kid, he's just going through some stuff. Tripp: I know all about him, I grew up with his Dad. Matt: Wait, you're from Mystic Falls? Tripp: Born and raised, till my parents split. I think that's why I'm such a geek about this town. My family were such big supporters, we're the founding family actually. Matt: Which family? Tripp: The Fells, I'm Thomas Vincent Fell III, to be exact. My dad called me Tripp, and I was such a clumsy kid that I took my Mom's maiden name when he bailed. I mean, can you imagine? 'Tripp Fell?'. Matt: So if you're a founding family, that means you know all the stuff that go along with it, right? Tripp: Oh, is there a secret handshake that never got taught? Look, I gotta go, I'll see you later for training though, yep? Matt: Yeah, sure. (They hang up, and Tripp opens the partition separating his seat from the large back seat of his car. Inside are vampires, struggling to break free of the chains he put on them.) Tripp: Any final words? (He drives into Mystic Falls and the young vampires begin to choke and spit up blood. Tripp is unfazed, as he clicks a button from the front seat and sun blazes in the backseat, the vampires begin to burn and set on fire, they scream hysterically as they heat up in flames. They burn, screaming. And then Tripp shuts the partition, he smiles and turns up the music in his car.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE, OTHERWORLDLY ] (It's night time, and Bonnie is standing behind the stove where Damon usually stands. She is mixing beans in a pot, she makes two bowls of it. Damon sits at the table silent, and Bonnie walks over and places his bowl in front of him. And she sits across from him. Damon unfolds his napkin, and Bonnie hands him a spoon. He smiles at her as a thank you, and begins to eat. Damon looks down at his food and Bonnie looks up at him, there is understanding and concern in her eyes as she watches him.) Bonnie: I miss them too, you know. (Damon looks up in surprise, and nods in agreement. Bonnie looks back at her food and begins to eat. Damon grabs the newspaper on the table and stares at it.) Damon: Look who got 27 across. (He sounds impressed.) Bonnie (smirks): I wish, 27 across is a rock I am pushing up an endless mountain. Damon: It's an old tongue twister Eddie turned top 40, Eddie Vedder, pearl jam. Yellow Ledbetter. (He sits the newspaper down. And Bonnie looks confused. Then she grabs the newspaper and looks at the puzzle, 27 across is filled in: 'YELLOW LEDBETTER'. A tune plays in the background of the scene.) Bonnie (looking up at Damon): Are you messing with me? Damon (taking it as a joke): No, you messing with me? Bonnie (talking about the crossword puzzle): I didn't finish this. Damon: Well, neither did I. Bonnie (still-faced): There's someone else here. (Both, seated at the table, look around suspiciously.)

Knowing she needs to come to terms with the loss of Damon, Elena turns to Alaric to help her move on with her life. So that Alaric can compel her to forget she ever loved Damon, Elena has to admit the moment she first realized she loved him. Caroline and Enzo try to convince Stefan not to give up on Damon, but Stefan is determined to start a new life away from everything that reminds him of Damon. Meanwhile, Matt worries about Jeremy who is spending time with Sarah, a mysterious girl supposedly from new York, who has recently arrived in Mystic Falls. Elsewhere,Tripp (leader of the community protection program) makes an interesting confession to Matt about his connection to the town. Lastly, with the Other Side destroyed and gone for good, Damon and Bonnie reluctantly band together to uncover the mystery of where they are and how they are going to get back home. Bonnie and Damon discover they are trapped in a time loop, and discover some one is in the house with them.

fd_FRIENDS_02x08

fd_FRIENDS_02x08_0

Originally written by Marta Kauffman and David Crane Trascribed by Mindy Mattingly Phillips [mmatting@indiana.edu] Minor additions and adjustments by Dan Silverstein. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel are there, discussing the night before.] RACH: Ross kissed me. MNCA: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! RACH: It was unbelievable! MNCA: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! PHOE: Ok, all right. We want to hear everything. Monica, get the wine and unplug the phone. Rachel, does this end well or do we need to get tissues? RACH: Oh, it ended very well. PHOE: Oh. MNCA: [getting the wine] Do not start without me. Do not start without me. PHOE: Ok, all right, let's hear about the kiss. Was it like, was it like a soft brush against your lips? Or was it like a, you know, a "I gotta have you now" kind of thing? RACH: Well, at first it was really intense, you know. And then, oh, god, and then we just sort of sunk into it. PHOE: Ok, so, ok, was he holding you? Or was his hand like on your back? RACH: No, actually first they started on my waist. And then, they slid up, and then, they were in my hair. PHOE/MNCA: Ohhhh. [Scene: Ross' apartment. Ross, Chandler, and Joey are there eating pizza.] ROSS: And, uh, and then I kissed her. JOEY: Tongue? ROSS: Yeah. JOEY: Cool. Opening Credits [Scene: Central Perk. Joey, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there; Chandler is showing everyone his new computer.] CHAN: All right, check out this bad boy. 12 megabytes of ram. 500 megabyte hard drive. Built-in spreadsheet capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 b.p.s. PHOE: Wow. What are you gonna use it for? CHAN: [doggedly] Games and stuff. MNCA: [reading the paper] There are no jobs. There are no jobs for me. JOEY: [reading over her shoulder] Wait, here's one. Uh, would you be willing to cook naked? MNCA: There's an ad for a naked chef? JOEY: No, but if you're willing to cook naked, then you might be willing to dance naked. And then... [rubs his fingers together] [Ross enters, distraught.] ROSS: Hi. PHOE: Hey, oh, so, um...how'd you make out last night? ROSS: That, that is funny. That is painfully funny. No, wait. Wait, yeah, that's just painful MNCA: Wait a minute. I thought last night was great. ROSS: Yeah, it was, but...I get home, ok, and I see Julie's saline solution on my night table. And I'm thinking to myself, oh my god, what the hell am I doing? I mean, here I am, I am with Julie, this incredible, great woman, who I care about and who cares about me, and I'm like, what, am I just gonna throw all that away? JOEY: You got all that from saline solution? MNCA: We are talking about Rachel here. You and Rachel. ROSS: Believe me, I've been dreaming about me and Rachel for ten years now. But now, I'm with Julie, so it's like me and Julie, me and Rachel, me and Julie, me and... [Rachel enters, carrying a tray]... Rachel. Rachel, Rachel. RACH: [to Ross] Hey, you. ROSS: How are you? RACH: Good. How are you? ROSS: Good. [Julie enters.] JULIE: Hi, honey. ROSS: Hi, Julie. [nervous] Hi, Julie. Julie, um, how are you? JULIE: Good. ROSS: [uncomfortable] Good, so everybody's here. Everybody's good. So, were you gonna play something, Phoebe? PHOE: Oh, well, actually. ROSS: [impatient] Play it. PHOE: Ok, all right. JOEY: Hey, Julie, I didn't know you wore lenses. JULIE: What? ROSS: [to Joey] Ssshh. PHOE: Ok, um, hi, hello, hi, ok, so, um, this is a song about a love triangle between three people that I made up. Um, it's called, um, "Two of Them Kissed Last Night". [Ross and Rachel look at each other and then at Phoebe, realizing the song is about their situation.] PHOE: [singing] There was a girl, we'll call her Betty, and a guy let's call him Neil. Now I can't stress this point too strongly, this story isn't real. Now our Neil must decide, who will be the girl that he casts aside. Will Betty be the one who he loves truly? Or will it be the one who we'll call Ju...Loolie? He must decide, he must decide, even though I made him up, he must decide! [Scene: Mr. Ratstatter's (RTST) office. Monica is there about a job.] RTST: This is a nice resume. Nice, nice, nice. Muy impressivo. MNCA: So, Mr. Rastatter, what exactly does this job entail? The ad wasn't too clear. RTST: Mockolate. MNCA: I'm sorry? RTST: Mockolate. It's a completely synthetic chocolate substitute. MNCA: Ohh. [He pulls out a piece of Mockolate.] RTST: Go ahead. Try a piece. Yeah, we think that Mockolate is even better than chocolate. MNCA: All right. Mmm-mmm. [She tastes it, and obviously hates it.] RTST: Yeah? MNCA: [disgusted, trying not to show it] I love how it crumbles. Now see, your chocolate doesn't do that. RTST: No, ma'am. Well, anyhoo, we should be getting our F.D.A. approval any day now, hopefully, in time for Thanksgiving. See, the way we look at it, chocolate already dominates most of your major food-preparation holidays: Easter, Christmas, what have you. MNCA: [still chewing] Mmm-mmm. RTST: But, we're thinking, given the right marketing, we can make Thanksgiving the Mockolate holiday. MNCA: Wow. RTST: Aren't you going to swallow that? MNCA: Just waiting for it to stop bubbling. RTST: Yeah, isn't that great? MNCA: [with false enthusiasm] Mmm. RTST: Well, anyhoo, um, we are looking for a couple of chefs who can create some Thanksgiving-themed recipes. You think you might be interested? MNCA: Abso...[swallows hard]...lutely. See, I love creating new recipes. I love Thanksgiving. And, well, now, I love Mockolate. RTST: Really? MNCA: Especially the after taste, you know, I'll tell ya, that'll last ya till Christmas. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are there. Monica is suggesting Mockolate recipes to Phoebe.] MNCA: How about Mockolate mousse? PHOE: It's not, it's not very Thanksgiving-y. MNCA: Ok, how about pilgrim Mockolate mousse? PHOE: What makes it pilgrim? MNCA: We'll put buckles on it. [Rachel enters.] RACH: Hey. PHOE: Hey. MNCA: Hey. RACH: Did uh, Ross call? MNCA: No, I'm sorry. RACH: Why didn't he call? He's gonna stay with Julie, isn't he? He's gonna stay with her and she's going to be all, "Hi, I'm Julie, Ross picked me, and we're gonna to get married, have a lot of kids and dig up stuff together." PHOE: No offense, but that sounds nothing like her. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ross is up in arms about the Rachel/Julie situation.] ROSS: I don't know what to do. What am I gonna do? I mean, this, this is like a complete nightmare. CHAN: Oh, I know. This must be so hard. Oh, no. Two women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight. JOEY: Hey, here's a thought, Ross. [reaches for the computer] CHAN: Don't touch the computer. Don't ever touch the computer. JOEY: Ross, listen. I got two words for you. Threesome. [Ross gives him an insulted look.] CHAN: Ok, all right, look. Let's get logical about this, ok? We'll make a list. Rachel and Julie, pros and cons. Oh. We'll put their names in bold, with different fonts, and I can use different colors for each column. ROSS: Can't we just use a pen? CHAN: No, Amish boy. JOEY: Ok, let's start with the cons, 'cause they're more fun. All right, Rachel first. ROSS: I don't know. I mean, all right, I guess you can say she's a little spoiled sometimes. JOEY: You could say that. ROSS: And I guess, you know, sometimes, she's a little ditzy, you know. And I've seen her be a little too into her looks. Oh, and Julie and I, we have a lot in common 'cause we're both paleontologists, but Rachel's just a waitress. CHAN: Waitress. Got it. You guys wanna play Doom? Or we could keep doing this. What else? ROSS: I don't know. JOEY: Oh, her ankles are a little chubby. CHAN: Ok, let's do Julie. What's wrong with her? ROSS: [long pause] She's not Rachel. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica has made food for Phoebe and Rachel to taste.] MNCA: Ok, this is pumpkin pie with mockolate cookie crumb crust. This is mockolate cranberry cake, and these are mockolate chip cookies. Just like the Indians served. [Rachel takes a bite.] RACH: Oh my god. MNCA: Oh my god good? RACH: Oh my god, I can't believe you let me put this in my mouth. [Rachel runs to the sink to spit it out.] PHOE: Oh, oh sweet Lord! This is what evil must taste like! [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is on the phone with a computer hotline.] CHAN: I'm telling you this thing won't print. Yes, I pressed that button like 100 times. You know, for a hot line you are not so hot. What? What is that in the background? Are you watching Star Trek? [Ross enters with a melancholy look.] JOEY: [to Ross] Hey, so how'd it go with Julie? Did you, did you break her heart? ROSS: Yes, it was horrible. She cried. I cried. She threw things, they hit me. Anyway, I did the right thing. CHAN: [in phone] So, Spock actually hugs his father? [Rachel enters.] RACH: Hey, do you guys have...[sees Ross, pauses]...hi. ROSS: Hi. RACH: [sees his coat on] Where you goin'? ROSS: I uh, I just got back from uh, from Julie's. RACH: [dejected] Oh. ROSS: No, no, uh, it's not what you think. It's um the other thing. RACH: Well, what's the other thing, what do I think? [Joey is looking at Rachel, smiling, and gesturing his head towards Ross.] ROSS: Well, uh. JOEY: He broke up with Julie. Well, go hug her, for god's sakes. RACH: Really? ROSS: Really. It's always been you, Rach. [Ross and Rachel hug.] RACH: Oh, god. JOEY/CHAN: Ohhh. RACH: Oh, oh, this is good, this is really good. ROSS: I know, I know, it's, it's almost...[turns around, sees Chandler and Joey] What do you say we go take a walk, just us, not them? RACH: Let me get my coat. ROSS: Ok. No, hey, whoa, whoa, I'll get your coat. [Ross leaves.] RACH: Ok, he's goin' to get my coat. He's goin' to get my coat. Oh my god, you guys. I can't believe this. This is unbelievable. [notices Chandler's computer screen] What's that? CHAN: [nervous] What? Nothing. [Chandler closes up the laptop computer screen.] RACH: What's that? What? I saw my name. What is it? CHAN: No, no, see? See? [the printer starts to run] Hey, it's printing. [to Joey, rattled] Hey, it's printing! [Chandler rips off the sheet of paper from the printer.] RACH: Well what is it? Let me see. [Ross walks back in, Rachel's coat in hand.] ROSS: Hey, someone order a coat? RACH: Ross, Chandler wrote something about me on his computer and he won't let me see. ROSS: He won't? [remembers what it is] He won't! Because, isn't that, isn't that the, the short story you were writing? CHAN: Yes, yes it is, short story, that I was writing. RACH: And I'm in it? Then let me read it. CHAN, JOEY, ROSS: No! RACH: Come on. JOEY: Hey, uh, why don't you read it to her? [Ross and Chandler stare angrily at Joey, who thinks he has come up with a good idea.] CHAN: [through gritted teeth] Alright. [clears his throat] "It was summer, and it was hot. Rachel was there. A lonely gray couch. 'Oh, look,' cried Ned, and then the kingdom was his forever. The end." ROSS: That's it? That's all you wrote? You're the worst writer in the whole world. RACH: All right, you know what? This isn't funny anymore. There's something about me on that piece of paper and I want to see it. ROSS: No, you don't. RACH: All right, you know what, that's fine. If you guys want to be children about this, that's fine. I do not need to see it. [Rachel grabs the paper and runs across the room, reading it to herself.] RACH: What is this? Ross, what is this? CHAN: Good luck. [Chandler and Joey leave quickly.] [SCENE_BREAK] ROSS: Ok, just, just remember how crazy I am about you, ok? RACH: Kind of ditzy? Too into her looks? Spoiled? ROSS: Now that's a little spoiled. He was supposed to type "little", the idiot. RACH: Just a waitress? ROSS: No, that, that was, I mean, as opposed to uh, the uh, ok. Is this over yet Rach? RACH: Oh! I do not have chubby ankles! [Rachel leaves, and Ross follows her into the hall.] ROSS: No, no, wait, ok, ok, look at the other side. Look at Julie's column. RACH: She is not Rachem. What the hell's a Rachem? Is that some stupid paleontology word that I wouldn't know because I'm just a waitress. [She goes into her apartment and slams the door.] ROSS: No, Rach, come on. Rach! Rach, no, no! She's not Rachel, she is, she is not, Ra--Rachel? [Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe are there.] CHAN: My diary! My diary, that's brilliant. I should have told her it was my diary, she never would have made me read her my diary. MNCA: You know, that's true. You'd be a great person to have around the day after an emergency. PHOE: I... I cannot believe Ross even made this list. What a dinkus. JOEY: Hey, cut him some slack. It was Chandler's idea. PHOE: What? MNCA: What? CHAN: Oh good, I was hoping that would come up. MNCA: This was your idea? PHOE: What were you thinking? CHAN: [squirming] All right, let's get some perspective here, ok? These things, they happen for a reason. MNCA: Yeah. You! CHAN: All right, Pheebs, back me up here, ok? You believe in that karma crap, don't you? PHOE: Yeah, by the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting on the couch, eating candy. It is raining out. Ross climbs up the fire escape and is knocking on the window.] ROSS: Rach! Whoops! Rach, hey, open up, please! RACH: [coldly] When somebody does not buzz you in, Ross, that means go away. That doesn't mean please climb up the fire escape. ROSS: I just wanna read something. It's your pro list. RACH: Not interested. [Rachel closes the drapes over the window, goes into her bedroom and closes the door.] ROSS: [reading his list] Ok, ok, number one: The way you cry at game shows. Number two: how much you love your friends. Number three: the way you play with your hair when you're nervous. Number four: how brave you are for starting your life over. Number five: how great you are with Ben. [Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe enter, confused.] ROSS: Number six: the way you smell. JOEY: [opens the drapes] Hey, Ross! What are you doin'? ROSS: Hey, Joey. You wanna open the window? JOEY: Oh, yeah, I do. [He opens the window, Ross comes in, soaked.] CHAN: What are you doing out there? ROSS: I am, uh, I am... MNCA: Oh, you must be freezing. You know what you need? How about a nice steaming cup of hot Mockolate? [Ross runs to Rachel's bedroom, knocking on the door.] ROSS: Rach, come on, open up. Rach, come on, come on, Rach. You got to give me another chance. [Rachel opens the door.] RACH: No. ROSS: No? RACH: That's what I said. CHAN: Look, maybe we should go? RACH: No, you guys, you really don't have to go, we're done talking. ROSS: Rach, come on, look, I know how you must feel. RACH: [near tears] No, you don't, Ross. Imagine the worst things you think about yourself. Now, how would you feel if the one person that you trusted the most in the world not only thinks them too, but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you. ROSS: No, but, but I wanna be with you in spite of all those things. RACH: Oh, well, that's, that's mighty big of you, Ross. [to the others] I said don't go! ROSS: You know what? You know what? If, things were the other way around, there's nothing you could put on a list that would ever make me not want to be with you. RACH: Well, then, I guess that's the difference between us. See, I'd never make a list. [She closes the door in his face. Ross walks sullenly back to the couch and sits down. A moment of silence ensues.] JOEY: [quietly] I never know how long you're supposed to wait in this type of a situation before you can talk again, you know? [Ross stares blankly at him] Maybe a little longer. [Scene: Mr. Ratstatter's office. Monica is there.] MNCA: Now, in some of these recipes, the quantities may seem just a little unusual, uh, like these coconut mockolate holiday nut bars. I've indicated four cups of coconut, and four cups of crushed nut, and only, uh, one tablespoon of mockolate. RTST: Doesn't matter. MNCA: What? RTST: Our FDA approval didn't come through. Something about laboratory rats. MNCA: Oh, gosh, I'm sorry. RTST: Yeah, well, anyhoo, here is your check. [hands it to her] Thank you for all the trouble you went through. Um, listen, you didn't eat a lot of it while you were cooking, did you? MNCA: Well, uh, I ate some. RTST: Oh, some, that's fine. Some is fine. Some is not a lot. So, it doesn't burn when you pee, does it? [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Rachel are there.] (phone rings) MNCA: Hello? [Ross is at his apartment.] ROSS: Hi. RACH: [to Monica] Is that him again? Tell him I'd come to the phone, but my ankles are weighin' me down. MNCA: [to Ross] Listen, I... I don't think this is the best time. ROSS: Look, can, can you do something for me? MNCA: Sure, what? Ok, ok. [hangs up the phone] [to Rachel] Music? [Monica turns on the radio.] RADIO: The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross. Rachel, he wants you to know he's deeply sorry for what he did and he hopes you can find it in your heart to forgive him. (With or Without You plays) [Rachel seems touched. She pauses for a moment, then picks up the phone and starts to dial. Cut to Ross at his apartment.] RADIO: Uh, we've just gotten a call from Rachel, and she told us what Ross did. It's pretty appalling, and Ross, if you're listening, I don't wanna play your song anymore. Why don't we devote our time to a couple that stands a chance? Avery, Michelle's sorry she hit you with her car and she hopes you two will work it out. [Scene: Mr. Ratstatter's office. Monica is there.] RTST: Hi, thanks for coming in again. MNCA: Oh, not at all. I have no morals and I need the cash. RTST: It's like I'm lookin' in a mirror. Anyway, they're called "fishtachios". They taste exactly like pistachios, but they're made primarily of reconstituted fish bits. Here, try one. You're not allergic to anything, are you? MNCA: Cat hair. RTST: Oh, sorry.

Ross struggles choosing between his childhood crush, Rachel, and his current girlfriend, Julie. Joey and Chandler suggest making a list of each girl's pros and cons. Ross chooses Rachel, ending it with Julie, though Rachel later finds the list, reading the negative comments. Hurt and angry, she breaks up with Ross. Monica is hired to create recipes using a vile-tasting synthetic chocolate called, Mockolate.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_06x08

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_06x08_0

THE MIND ROBBER BY PETER LING 5:20pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] FOREST (Against a black background, a unicorn rushes towards the companions, shaking its head, whinnying.) JAMIE: (Poised to run away, to escape.) It's coming straight for us. Run! (He and Zoe start to take a step away from the Doctor to escape, but the Doctor grabs them each by the arm in an unshakeable grip.) DOCTOR: No! JAMIE: We haven't got a chance! Don't you see, it's my dream all over again. ZOE: It's real DOCTOR: (Shouting.) No, it's not real, it's a legend. You mustn't believe in it, you mustn't. Say it "doesn't exist", say it. (The unicorn continues to approach.) JAMIE AND ZOE: (Together OOV.) It doesn't exist. (The unicorn freezes. They all stare with open mouths.) JAMIE: What happened? (The Doctor sighs with relief. They approach the unicorn, which has transformed into a cardboard statue cut-out.) DOCTOR: Another test. JAMIE: But, it was alive, we all saw it. ZOE: It was terrifying. (She looks up at the unicorns face.) DOCTOR: He challenged us to believe it. JAMIE: Who? The Master? DOCTOR: Whoever it is who's setting up all these conjuring tricks. ZOE: But I don't understand. DOCTOR: The unicorn appeared to be real until you said it wasn't, then we were safe. ZOE: But we believe in it, Jamie and I. DOCTOR: Yes, but that was just the danger. Your belief was affecting me. JAMIE: Who would think up a crazy notion like this? DOCTOR: I don't know. A fantastic mind. [SCENE_BREAK] UNKNOWN PLACE 2 (The figure of The Master is sitting behind a console with his back to us. Images of the three companions, taken from different angles, can be seen on the three suspended monitors.) THE MASTER: Too kind. (He bows slightly.) And if I may, I'd like to return the compliment. It's obviously supremely intelligent. He is learning the rules with admirable speed. Yes, you were right to choose the good Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] FOREST (The three companions are standing, as before, but The Unicorn is no longer visible. We hear the disjointed sound of the Toy Soldiers.) JAMIE: Doctor. (He points in front of him.) ZOE: The Soldiers. (Three Toy Soldiers walking in a column march past.) [SCENE_BREAK] UNKNOWN PLACE 2 (The Master is watching on a monitor. He raises a hand, which appears to hold a pen.) THE MASTER: Stop! Let them go. Wherever they run, whatever they do, every step they take will only brings them nearer. The trap is set, let them walk into it. [SCENE_BREAK] ANOTHER PART OF THE FOREST (The three companions are moving through a bare forest. A strange mechanical sound can be heard. The knurled trees are covered in thick cobwebs. Jamie uses his knife to cut through the thick strands while the Doctor, with a look of disgust, pulls the webs out of the way. Zoe tags along at the back.) ZOE: Oh, how much further JAMIE: There's no sign of the toy soldiers now. DOCTOR: We have to get out of this place. JAMIE: (He points off to his left.) Look, there's a house (He approaches, and spots the Redcoat standing before a closed door.) JAMIE: You again. (He raises his knife.) JAMIE: I'll sort you this time. (He rushes forward.) JAMIE: (Shouts.) Creag an tuire (The Redcoat fires from almost point-blank range, releasing a huge plume of smoke.) (Zoe rushes over, and as the smoke clears we see Jamie has been turned into a cardboard cut-out again. The Redcoat has disappeared. The Doctor arrives a second or two after Zoe. He uses his hand to waft some of the smoke away.) ZOE: Jamie! ... Doctor? DOCTOR: Now it's alright Zoe. Mmm. (He looks up in the air.) DOCTOR: Oh come on. (He snaps his fingers angrily a couple of times.) DOCTOR: Come on, if you want to play games, let's get on with it. (The Master gives a sinister laugh OOV.) ZOE: What's that? (A blackboard on an easel has appeared. It has four sets of eyes, four noses and four mouth sections stuck to it.) DOCTOR: (Stroking his chin.) Well, I have to make up his face again. ZOE: (Accusingly.) You did this before? DOCTOR: Yes. ZOE: And that's how Jamie's face got changed, you got it all wrong. DOCTOR: What! (Flustered.) No...No, No...No well...I...I was rushed. Now then... (He takes one of the eye sets from the board. He begins to turn and notices Zoe shaking her head. He replaces the eye set.) DOCTOR: ... alright, I know. (He selects another.) DOCTOR: ... there we are. (He sticks it in the appropriate place on the cut-out of Jamie.) DOCTOR: ... one ... (He turns, rubbing his hands in glee.) DOCTOR: ... now then... oh yes that's his nose. You can't mistake his nose, can you. (He selects a nose section and sticks that on the cut-out.) DOCTOR: ... and ... (He goes to select a mouth set, looks at Zoe, and hesitates. He makes a selection. Zoe smiles, and he places the mouth onto the cut-out.) DOCTOR: ... ha ha ha. (He claps his hands together excitedly.) DOCTOR: ... oh ... there you are we see. (The Frazer Hinds version of Jamie comes to life, slashing downwards with his blade.) ZOE: (Laughing.) Jamie! DOCTOR: (Smiling.) Jamie. ZOE: Thank goodness you're back. JAMIE: (Looking at his knife.) Back? What do you mean back? I haven't been anywhere. ZOE: But you've got your face back. JAMIE: (He begins to feel his face.) I have? DOCTOR: (Offering him a mirror.) Yes, look. JAMIE: (Looking in the mirror.) Oh you're right, I have. That's much better. Oh the house... (He points off in front of him and sets off.) DOCTOR: Yes, come along, let's go inside. (He takes Zoe's hand and leads her. Jamie begins to open the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] HOUSE INTERIOR (A spider's web dominates the POV as we see the companions enter, lead by Jamie holding his knife. The door makes an eerie screech as it opens. The companions enter, looking around as they go. The interior is revealed to be made of rough stone, lit by an elaborate candelabra on which many lit candles burn. The door to the house swings mysteriously shut with another loud screech and an ominous thud.) ZOE: There must be someone here (Points to candles.) these candles are alight. (Zoe catches her hand on a cobweb, her face contorted in disgust.) ZOE: eehh (The Doctor hands her his handkerchief, which she uses to wipe her hands.) JAMIE: (Cups his hand over mouth and shouts.) Hello there. (Echoes.) ZOE: One, two, three, four,... four tunnels leading off. JAMIE: It would be easy to get lost in there. (The Doctor notices something on floor and steps forward to pick it up.) DOCTOR: Just a moment. JAMIE: What's he found? (They step forward to join Doctor.) DOCTOR: Ah, yes, A ball of twine. (Begins to unravel end.) Oh yes, This must be an invitation. ZOE: Why? DOCTOR: Well, it's the classical way of getting through a maze. (Hands end to Jamie.) Now Jamie, tie that to the door will you. (Jamie walks over to the door and tries to open it.) JAMIE: Hey, it's locked. ZOE: Then we are meant to go on. DOCTOR: Yes I think we are. (In the background Jamie ties the thread to the door handle.) ZOE: That means that wherever we go... At any time they know... DOCTOR: Yes ZOE: They're expecting us. (Jamie approaches.) DOCTOR: Don't break the thread. Come along. (They move off into an unseen tunnel.) [SCENE_BREAK] UNKNOWN PLACE 2 (He has moved further along his control console. The three monitor screens can be seen to his left.) THE MASTER: Ah, at last. (He is looking at another screen with a map of a network, or labyrinth, of tunnels on it. The three companions are shown as three lights moving along one of the passageways.) THE MASTER: The Doctor is commendably prompt. I wonder how long it will take him to get to the heart of the mystery. [SCENE_BREAK] TUNNEL 1 (The tunnel is covered in cobwebs and lit by more candles set in candelabras mounted on the walls. Zoe appears first, followed by the Doctor. They exchange a glance. The Doctor then points off to his left, and they move on.) [SCENE_BREAK] TUNNEL 2 (Jamie is moving along, unravelling the ball of string. It is now substantially reduced in size. He moves on.) [SCENE_BREAK] TUNNEL JUNCTION (Another candle-lit tunnel, very similar to Tunnel 1. The Doctor and Zoe approach and stop. They look around them.) DOCTOR: Which way, do you think? ZOE: To the Right. (Jamie enters the area via an opening to the right of the Doctor and Zoe. He is now left with only a few feet of string. He approaches them.) DOCTOR: They both seem equally unattractive to me. ZOE: But it must be to the right. I've been working it out as we went along. JAMIE: (Interrupting.) Doctor... DOCTOR: Ssh... how? ZOE: Well, as soon as we avoided the dead ends, it soon fell into a clear pattern. One left, (Indicates using her hands.) two right, three left, four right and so on. It's a simple arithmetic progression. JAMIE: (Interrupts again.) Yes, but Doctor... DOCTOR: Sssh, Jamie. (Jamie makes a face and puts his hands on his hips.) DOCTOR: What it is to have an arithmetical brain, eh. (To Jamie, irritably.) What do you want? JAMIE: The thread's run out! (Holds up the end of the twine.) JAMIE: Now, should we not go back? DOCTOR: No, you stay here... JAMIE: Oh! DOCTOR: ...and Zoe and I will explore a little further. There must be another way out of this maze. I just need to find it. (The Doctor heads off to the right.) ZOE: (To Jamie.) It seems they don't want us to find a way out, only a way in. (She follows the Doctor.) (Jamie is left alone. He puts his hands behind his back and begins a fairly tuneless whistle.) [SCENE_BREAK] UNKNOWN PLACE 2 (The Master is viewing the map of the labyrinth. One of the light sources has stopped moving. Two others continue to move towards a large open space on the map.) THE MASTER: (Excitedly.) Go on, go on, almost there. [SCENE_BREAK] HEART OF THE LABYRINTH (The Doctor appears from a partially concealed tunnel. He glances around and then indicates to Zoe to follow. He leads her by the hand into a large open space. They move cautiously. The cave is lit once more by candles set in wall-mounted candelabras. The floor is uneven and they take care as they move to slightly higher ground.) ZOE: I was right, this isn't the way out. We're in the middle of the maze. Oh Doctor, I don't like it. Let's go. (She begins to head back in the direction she came from.) DOCTOR: Just a minute... (Zoe turns back.) DOCTOR: I was rather expecting a welcoming committee but perhaps I was wrong. (He rubs his fingers together nervously.) ZOE: Well I hope you were. DOCTOR: Ah yes... (Points to something on the ground.) but there has been someone here, and not that long ago either. Look. (They look down at a skeleton.) ZOE: Oh. (Bringing her hand to her mouth.) DOCTOR: Oh oh ZOE: (Points at another part of the cave floor.) And they're some tracks of an animal too. (The Doctor bends over to examine them.) ZOE: Oh Doctor let's get... (A huge animal roar echoes through the cave. The Doctor looks up in alarm. Zoe rushes to him and the Doctor wraps his arms around her.) ZOE: ... it couldn't be. DOCTOR: What? ZOE: I know it's silly but do you remember the story of the Minotaur? DOCTOR: Half man, half bull, yes. ZOE: And he lived in the heart of a labyrinth ... and there were human sacrifices. DOCTOR: Exactly, but I don't think we need be too alarmed, after all... (The animal roars again. They huddle even closer, a look of fear on their faces.) DOCTOR: ...as I was saying... as long as we're quite certain the minotaur is only a... ZOE: Doctor, look. (She points off to her right.) (A shadow falls across a cave wall. It appears to he an enormous horned head. The animal roars again.) [SCENE_BREAK] TUNNEL JUNCTION (Jamie is still holding the end of the string. He hears the animal roar from the cave. He moves toward the tunnel that the Doctor and Zoe left by.) JAMIE: (Shouting.) Doctor are you alright. What's happening? (He throws the end of the string, which he is still holding, down on the floor and sets off down the tunnel. Almost immediately he hears the mechanical marching noise of a toy soldier. He darts back into the tunnel junction and hides. A toy soldier marches into the area. It passes Jamie and then turns to face him. Jamie examines the Toy Soldier closely.) JAMIE: Oh, so that's how you can see - that wee lighthouse of yours. [SCENE_BREAK] UNKNOWN PLACE 2 (The Master watches this encounter on the central monitor.) [SCENE_BREAK] TUNNEL JUNCTION (Jamie crouches and removes his jacket. He Approaches the Toy Soldier cautiously.) [SCENE_BREAK] UNKNOWN PLACE 2 (The Master continues to watch this encounter on the central monitor. He sees Jamie approach and throw his jacket over the Soldier. The monitor screen goes blank.) THE MASTER: (Angrily.) No. Brainless Idiot. Get yourself free, don't let the boy escape. Forward. Forward. [SCENE_BREAK] TUNNEL JUNCTION (The Toy Soldier, his head covered by Jamie's Jacket, moves forward and drops his head. The Jacket falls to the floor. Accompanied by his mechanical noise, the Toy Soldier heads off in pursuit of Jamie who is nowhere to be seen.) [SCENE_BREAK] HEART OF THE LABYRINTH (The horned-head shadow moves across the cave wall.) ZOE: Doctor, it's moving. (They are still huddled together.) ZOE: It's coming closer. (The shadow of the beast falls across them.) ZOE: It's going to attack. DOCTOR: Zoe, it's a legend... (They stare in horror as a massive bull-headed creature approaches.) DOCTOR: ...Another mythical beast like the unicorn. ZOE: (Afraid.) But it's there. DOCTOR: No. (Forcibly.) The minotaur is a mythical beast. Say it. ZOE: The minotaur is a mythical beast. It doesn't exist. (Suddenly the shadow lifts and the creature disappears.) ZOE: It's gone. DOCTOR: Yes. (Puts a hand to one of his hearts.) Yes, I'm afraid we made it too difficult for it to stay. Come on, let's go find Jamie. (He begins to lead her off.) [SCENE_BREAK] TUNNEL JUNCTION (Zoe leads the way as they move through the tunnel complex. They enter a small clearing or cave. The Doctor looks over her shoulder and points. They enter another clearing.) ZOE: I think this is the place. DOCTOR: Yes, but there's no sign of him. I'm sure he wouldn't've gone off without... (Zoe bends over and picks up a jacket.) DOCTOR: What's that? ZOE: His jacket. DOCTOR: Well he must be around somewhere. (He turns around and begins to looks for Jamie.) ZOE: (Shouting.) Jamie ... (She sees someone approaching.) ZOE: Who's that? (The Stranger approaches. As before he is dressed in black breeches with white socks, a white shirt with a waistcoat, and a white neckerchief. He has a three-cornered hat and carries a knapsack over his right shoulder.) DOCTOR: Oh. Oh my dear sir. STRANGER: Your servant sir. DOCTOR: You have a knack of turning up unexpectedly. ZOE: Have you seen Jamie? STRANGER: I walked alone, but no sign of any inhabitants. ZOE: Are you absolutely positive. STRANGER: I would not impose a falsity upon you. I adhere strictly to truth. DOCTOR: Of course. This... this person that controls this place... The Master. STRANGER: The Master, yes. DOCTOR: Have you seen him? STRANGER: Upon occasions he has been pleased to grant me an audience. DOCTOR: Where might I find him? STRANGER: The Master's palace is no ordinary edifice... (Zoe looks at him with bafflement.) STRANGER: ...but a citadel, a walled town at the top of a hill, or cliff, that is recognised the highest in the kingdom. DOCTOR: (Smiling.) Yes, now I think I understand. May I ask, sir, where you come from? Would it not be Nottingham? STRANGER: My father had a small estate in Nottingham, sir. I was the third of five sons. He sent me to Emmanuelle College in Cambridge at fourteen years old, where I applied myself close to my studies, learning navigation and other parts of the mathematics ... DOCTOR: ... useful for those who intend to travel, ... BOTH: ... as I always believed it would someday or other, my fortune to do. DOCTOR: Now I know who you are sir. Your name is Lemuel Gulliver. (He grasps Gulliver's free hand in both of his.) GULLIVER: Your Servant ZOE: (Incredulously.) Gulliver! DOCTOR: Yes, yes. Oh I'm looking forward to a long talk with you, one of these days. GULLIVER: I would like that above all things, but it would not be proper at this juncture to trouble you with the particulars of my adventures. DOCTOR: I wouldn't dream of detaining you. GULLIVER: Ah, having been condemned by nature and fortune to a restless and active life, I must take my leave of you. Farewell. DOCTOR: Farewell. (He makes a little mock bow, still grinning hugely.) ZOE: Why did he talk in such an extraordinary way. DOCTOR: Well he can only speak the words that Dean Swift gave him to say. ZOE: But that's ridiculous. There never was such a person as Gulliver. He's a fictional character. DOCTOR: Of course he is. Don't you understand? This world that we've tumbled into is a world of fiction. Unicorns, minotaur, Gulliver's travels - they're all alive here. ZOE: Then what are we doing here? What do they want with us? DOCTOR: I'm not sure I understand that yet. Come along, we'd better find Jamie. Better put this on. (He wraps Jamie's Jacket round her as they set off.) [SCENE_BREAK] ROCK FACE (Jamie runs up a gully. He stops by a steep cliff or rocky hillside. He looks around. A single Toy Soldier approaches accompanied by its strange mechanical sound. Jamie immediately begins to climb the cliff. The Toy Soldier approaches, scraping the bayonet at the end of his musket against the cliff edge. Jamie climbs on, occasionally looking back down to see that the soldier has not been able to follow him up the steep rock face. He struggles for grip, finds it, and climbs on. Eventually the sound of the Toy Soldier fades and is gone. He climbs onto a narrow ledge, stands up, and looks around him. He is faced with an almost sheer rock wall.) JAMIE: Oh no. I'd need to be a human fly to get up that lot. I can't go back though. What I really need is a... (A long length of rope suddenly falls from an unseen source high above him. Jamie grabs the rope.) JAMIE: Who says wishes don't come true. (He tests the strength of the rope and then begins to climb. Below him the Toy Soldier moves off.) [SCENE_BREAK] CLIFF LEDGE AND CASTLE WINDOW (Jamie can now see that the rope has come from a window in a round tower. He climbs up to a ledge just outside the window.) JAMIE: (To himself.) Jamie, so far so good... Some sort of Castle... Ok Jamie, now where. You don't have much choice do you? (He pulls on the rope.) PRINCESS RAPUNZEL: Ouch! (The rope is revealed to be a part of her hair, which is blonde, set in a centre parting, with a long braid which she wears over her right shoulder. She wears a long sleeveless gown with braiding and embroidery down the front and a thin gauze-like long sleeved undershirt. She has two thick gold chains around her neck.) PRINCESS RAPUNZEL: I suppose you know that hurts. JAMIE: You mean, this is your hair? PRINCESS RAPUNZEL: Of course. I don't object to people climbing it - I'm quite used to it actually - but you would keep tugging it so. JAMIE: Oh, I'm terribly sorry. PRINCESS RAPUNZEL: Are you a Prince? JAMIE: No, why? PRINCESS RAPUNZEL: You're supposed to be. I'm a princess, but I suppose you knew that. My name is Rapunzel. (Excitedly.) You're not a woodcutter's son by any chance JAMIE: No, I'm the son of a piper. PRINCESS RAPUNZEL: Oh how very disappointing. Well in that case I think you'd better go. Goodbye. (She begins to leave.) JAMIE: (Urgently.) Your highness, wait. PRINCESS RAPUNZEL: (Returns to window.) Well JAMIE: I can't go back there. It's a sheer drop, and I can't just stand out here. I'll... I'll have to climb though the window. PRINCESS RAPUNZEL: Well, I don't know if that will be allowed. JAMIE: Well I won't stay long, just passing through you might say. Oh please. PRINCESS RAPUNZEL: (Sighing.) It's a pity you're not a prince, you'd have made rather a good one. Well I suppose you'd better come inside. For goodness sake be quiet. [SCENE_BREAK] CASTLE INTERIOR (Jamie climbs through a window into the castle. The window is arched with a sloping window sill. The interior is almost entirely white in colour. To the right of Jamie is an Archway. Jamie looks through this.) JAMIE: Rapunzel... Your Highness... where have you gone. Don't be silly, I'm not going... (Jamie walks down a step into another part of the room.) JAMIE: Hey, this doesn't look like the inside of a princess's castle to me. (Three strange metallic devices protrude from the wall, close to the window. In the lower area of the room several strange machines and devices are operating. A large circular screen can be seen. Jamie approaches it. The control mechanism for the screen is just in front of it to the right. Jamie operates it. A double page spread from a book appears on the screen. An illustration is on the left-hand page, while text appears on the right-hand page. The title 'Treasure Island' can be seen along with the legend 'Chapter 1'. Jamie switches the machine off and continue to examine the room. He bumps into a machine, which starts up.) FEMALE VOICE: "Christmas won't be Christmas without presents," grumbled Joe, lying on the rug. "It's so dreadful to be poor," sighed Meg, looking down at her old ro... (Jamie switches the reading machine off. He notices a set of lights on a huge machine. The lights have labels above them. He can clearly see a label which reads 'Vanity Fair'. The lights flash on and off. Other labels visible read 'Don Quixote', and 'The Pit and the Pendulum'. Jamie can hear another machine operate. It looks like an old-fashioned ticker-tape message printer. A tall glass bell jar houses the mechanism, and a stream of ticker tape emerges. Jamie approaches, picks up the ticker tape and begins to read out loud.) JAMIE: "The Doctor and Zoe," (The words can clearly be seen on the ticker tape as Jamie reads.) JAMIE: "unable to find their companion in the labyrinth, decide to return to the cave in search of him, where a new terror awaited them." (Jamie looks up in alarm.) [SCENE_BREAK] HEART OF THE LABYRINTH (The skeleton in the middle of the cave can clearly be seen. We can hear the Doctor's voice as they approach the cave.) DOCTOR: There must be at least one more test... I wonder what it will be? (The Doctor and Zoe enter the cave. Zoe is now wearing Jamie's jacket over her usual costume. They stand a little distance apart.) ZOE: I can't believe you are beginning to enjoy all this. (She looks at something across the cave.) ZOE: That wasn't there before, was it. (The Doctor looks over a full-sized statue in white stone. It is of the Medusa. Stone snakes form her hair, and her features are strangely angular. Her eyes are larger than a normal human's. Snakes cover her cheeks.) DOCTOR: A statue. ZOE: Like the unicorn. (Zoe approaches the Doctor.) DOCTOR: Yes. Only, the unicorn was alive first, and then became a statue. Only this time... ZOE: What? DOCTOR: Have a care Zoe. I have a feeling the situation is going to be reversed. ZOE: It is coming to life. (The snakes on the statue's head begin to writhe and move. They emit a low hiss.) DOCTOR: (OOV.) Medusa. [SCENE_BREAK] CASTLE INTERIOR (One of the labels above the flashing lights reads 'Legends of Ancient Greece'. Jamie doesn't notice it, as he has his back to it, reading from the ticker-tape machine.) JAMIE: "The Doctor and Zoe where face to face with Medusa. One glance from her eyes would ... would turn them to stone." [SCENE_BREAK] HEART OF THE LABYRINTH (The Doctor and Zoe are huddled close together. They stare off into space, their eyes averted from the Medusa which is approaching. They can hear the hiss of the many snakes on her head.) DOCTOR: Now, we know what we have to do Zoe? ZOE: Yes. (She risks a glance over her shoulder.) ZOE: She's moving. (Afraid.) She's going to look at us. (The Medusa approaches. Snakes are coiled around her neck as well as moving on her head.) DOCTOR: (Forcibly.) Zoe, we have to say "Medusa doesn't exist." ZOE: (Panicked.) But, she does. (The Medusa moves closer.) DOCTOR: (Very forcibly.) Zoe, Medusa is a myth. If you believe it her, she can turn us both to stone. Now Zoe, say it: "The Medusa is a myth," say it. (The Medusa's hand approaches over Zoe's left shoulder.) ZOE: (Terrified.) But she's alive. DOCTOR: No. ZOE: (Terrified.) She's real DOCTOR: No. Don't look in her eyes, don't look. (The Medusa stands next to them, snakes writhing on her head.)

The Doctor realises that the travelers are trapped in a world where fiction is real and where creatures are a threat if people believe in them.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_04x35

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_04x35_0

THE FACELESS ONES by DAVID ELLIS and MALCOLM HULKE first broadcast - 6th May 1967 running time - 23mins 34secs [SCENE_BREAK] 1. AIRPORT CONTROL ROOM (JEAN puts down her phone.) JEAN: Negative report from Air Sea Rescue, sir. COMMANDANT: But with two aircraft ditching, there must be some signs of wreckage. DOCTOR: (Gently.) Why do you think the Chameleon plane crashed into the sea? (The COMMANDANT stares at him.) COMMANDANT: Because it disappeared off our radar screen! DOCTOR: But it stood still first! COMMANDANT: Because it must have collided with the RAF plane and dropped like a stone. DOCTOR: Why do you think that? (The COMMANDANT snatches a note-pad from his desk and draws a big circle, bisected by a horizontal line.) COMMANDANT: You see, when a plane on that radar appears to stand still, it is in point of fact dropping straight down. DOCTOR: What about straight up? COMMANDANT: (Wearily.) Oh my dear Doctor! To get above our radar umbrella like that it would have to climb vertically until it was a hundred miles high. The darned thing would be in outer space. DOCTOR: Exactly! [SCENE_BREAK] 2. SPACE (As they speak the Chameleon spaceship is streaking upwards, Earth's atmosphere left far behind. Far above in the blackness of deep space there hangs the giant gleaming sphere that is the Chameleon space station. The spaceship speeds towards it. The entry doors slide open and the space craft disappears inside. Flight Four-One-Nine has arrived...) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. CHAMELEON PLANE, INTERIOR (The Chameleon space craft has now landed in the space station hangar, and BLADE and ANN DAVIDSON come out of the flight deck and head for the exit door. ANN DAVIDSON is carrying her large metal tray, which she has now fitted with a cover.) ANN DAVIDSON: That plane they sent to follow us. Should we have destroyed it? (...as they move down the aisle.) BLADE: We could eliminate a whole squadron of their toy planes and they'd never get on to us. Their minds can't cope with an operation like this. Remember the teaching of our Director - the intelligence of Earth people is comparable only to that of animals on our planet. (From his hiding place in the galley, JAMIE watches them leave the plane. He emerges to find that the plane has landed, and seems to be empty. As BLADE and ANN vanish through the door, two more figures come onto the plane. JAMIE gets a quick glimpse of shapeless coveralls and equally shapeless blobby heads, then they turn in the other direction and move away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4. CORRIDOR (Swiftly and silently, JAMIE follows BLADE and ANN from the plane. He finds himself in a long featureless metal corridor. BLADE is nowhere in sight, but ANN DAVIDSON is just disappearing around a corner. JAMIE follows her. Just around the corner there is an open door and JAMIE peers inside. ANN DAVIDSON seems to be taking small objects from her tray and stowing them away in a series of metal filing drawers. As she finishes her work JAMIE ducks back out of sight round the corner. He sees ANN come out of the store room and carry on in the other direction. Moments later he hears voices behind him, coming nearer. He creeps forwards and ducks into the little store room for refuge, closing the door behind him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. STORE ROOM (Once inside, JAMIE looks around curiously. There is little to see, just row upon row of metal drawers occupying every wall from floor to ceiling. JAMIE opens one at random, and gives a gasp of horror. The compartment is divided into six moulded segments and in each one lies a doll-like shape. But they are not dolls. They are living, breathing people, young humans somehow miniaturised and made dormant. Hurriedly closing the drawer, JAMIE looks round the little room. Hundreds of drawers, and, for all he knows, hundreds of store rooms like this one. The sheer scale of it all is staggering. The door slides open behind him.) ANN DAVIDSON: I thought I'd missed one of you. I wondered what happened to you. JAMIE: What have you done to them?! ANN DAVIDSON: Close that drawer. (She is standing in the doorway, a ray gun in her hand. She steps to one side, and two shapeless figures shamble into the room.) JAMIE: No... No... Don't leave me. (...as ANN leaves the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6. GATWICK AIRPORT (More shots of planes and the airport buildings.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. AIRPORT CONTROL ROOM (JEAN is on the phone.) JEAN: Right, thank you. (She puts the phone down.) JEAN: Air Sea Rescue say they're still searching but there's no trace yet. (The phone rings and the COMMANDANT picks it up.) COMMANDANT: Commandant. (He listens.) COMMANDANT: I see - did the pilot managed to bail out? (He listens again.) COMMANDANT: I'm sorry. (He puts down the phone and turns to the others.) COMMANDANT: They've found the remains of that RAF plane. The pilot had been electrocuted. DOCTOR: Do you still think these people are from Earth? COMMANDANT: I don't know, Doctor. I just don't know what to think. If only there was one solid piece of evidence. (The DOCTOR looks up as CHAMELEON-MEADOWS comes into the room and takes over his usual station.) DOCTOR: I think it's just come in! (He nods towards CHAMELEON-MEADOWS.) DOCTOR: Do you mind if I question him? I think I know how to make him talk. (Followed by the astonished COMMANDANT, the DOCTOR goes over to CHAMELEON- MEADOWS and taps him on the shoulder. As CHAMELEON-MEADOWS swings round the Doctor takes out the two sheaths, one black, one white from his coat pockets.) DOCTOR: You know what this is, don't you? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: I don't know what you're talking about. DOCTOR: Oh I think you do. Roll up your sleeve. (CHAMELEON-MEADOWS turns to the COMMANDANT.) CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: Do I have to take orders from him, sir? COMMANDANT: I think perhaps you should explain, Doctor. After all, this man is working for me. DOCTOR: You only think he's working for you! Commandant, your personnel are being systematically replaced. And this is how they're doing it. This is not Meadows, it only looks like Meadows. He's wearing one of these things on his arm. COMMANDANT: (To CHAMELEON-MEADOWS.) Very well, do as he asks. CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: But sir, this is ridiculous... COMMANDANT: We all have to help in this, Meadows. Roll up your sleeve. (Slowly, CHAMELEON-MEADOWS begins to obey, then he stops and makes a dash for the door.) DOCTOR: STOP HIM! (As he passes her, JEAN throws a chair in his path and he crashes to the ground. Two astonished technicians lift CHAMELEON-MEADOWS to his feet.) COMMANDANT: Now get him in this chair. (The technicians do so.) COMMANDANT: Jean, send for the police. (To the DOCTOR) All right Doctor, go ahead! (The DOCTOR nods to one of the technicians.) DOCTOR: Roll up his left sleeve. (The half-dazed CHAMELEON-MEADOWS offers no resistance as the technician obeys, and reveals the black sheath on the prisoners forearm.) DOCTOR: There we are. (The DOCTOR grips MEADOW'S wrist and studies the controls set into the sheath.) DOCTOR: Now then. What happens if I were to turn one of these? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: (In panic.) Don't touch it! (He wrenches his arm away.) DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Ah, I see. Right. Now then, you are going to answer all my questions. And in return, I promise no harm will come to you. Do you understand? (CHAMELEON-MEADOWS nods utterly defeated.) CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: All right. DOCTOR: Where are your planes taking all their passengers? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: There's a... satellite, about a hundred and fifty miles up. DOCTOR: Why are you abducting all these young people? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: We had a catastrophe on our planet. A gigantic explosion. As you've seen, we have lost our identities. My people are dying out! COMMANDANT: But what use would our people be to you? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: Our scientists devised a process so that we could take on the physical characterises of another being. DOCTOR: (Pointing to the band on CHAMELEON-MEADOWS' arm.) This is part of the process? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: Yes, that's why you mustn't touch it. DOCTOR: (Sternly.) How many of these young people do you hope to abduct? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: This time - Fifty thousand. COMMANDANT: Fifty thousand! (Even the DOCTOR is astonished.) DOCTOR: How large is this satellite? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: On the journey in our planes, the passengers are miniaturised. DOCTOR: I see. How many of your people are working here at Gatwick Airport? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: I don't know. (The DOCTOR reaches out as if to touch the sheath and CHAMELEON-MEADOWS screams: ) CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: That's the truth, I tell you. I don't know. DOCTOR: Very well. What happens to the people whose identities have been taken over, the originals? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: They're somewhere in the Airport, I... I don't know exactly where. COMMANDANT: (Determinedly.) I'll have the whole place torn to pieces to find them. CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: No, you mustn't find them. (He becomes silent, as if realising that he has given too much away, that he has revealed some weakness.) DOCTOR: Why not? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: You... you mustn't, that's all. DOCTOR: Because if we do find them we'll find one of these on their arms, eh? (The DOCTOR brandishes a white sheath.) DOCTOR: And if we remove it, something terrible will happen to you? (CHAMELEON-MEADOWS closes his eyes.) CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: Yes. DOCTOR: What if you have to change back? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: Well, that can be done, but with the machine. DOCTOR: The machine in the Medical Centre? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: Yes. None of us know where our own originals are. Except that Nurse. DOCTOR: Nurse? What about her? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: Oh she was cunning. She's got her own original with her. DOCTOR: Where is it? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: I don't know. DOCTOR: I think you do know. (He puts his hand on the controls in the band.) DOCTOR: Now, are you going to tell me? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: It's in the Medical Centre. DOCTOR: Right. You're going to show me where it is. CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: I... I daren't. She'll have me destroyed. DOCTOR: (Still with his hand on the controls.) Are you going to co-operate or are you not? (Two policemen come into the room.) CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: All right. It won't make any difference. You'll never see those fifty thousand young people again! DOCTOR: (To the COMMANDANT.) I think I'd better take him down there - the Medical Centre. [SCENE_BREAK] 8. MEDICAL CENTRE (SAMANTHA lies strapped to the couch in the inner room of the medical centre, conscious but gagged. She watches helplessly as CHAMELEON-PINTO checks her bonds then goes through to the outer room. In the outer room she opens a Red Cross cabinet on the wall, and presses a concealed button, turning the back of the cabinet into a monitor screen. SPENCER's face appears, and his voice comes faintly from a hidden speaker.) SPENCER: (OOV.) What is it? CHAMELEON-PINTO: This girl. What do we do with her? SPENCER: We need to use her as an original. That way we can get one of our people close to the man who is menacing us. He will then be killed. CHAMELEON-PINTO: But surely Captain Blade isn't bringing any more of our people to Earth... (She brakes off, closing the cabinet door, as the DOCTOR comes into the room. The Nurse turns, her face impassive.) CHAMELEON-PINTO: Can I help you? (The DOCTOR speaks over his shoulder.) DOCTOR: Bring him in. (The DOCTOR steps aside and two policemen bring CHAMELEON-MEADOWS into the room.) CHAMELEON-PINTO: (Calm.) I'm afraid I don't understand. DOCTOR: I think you two have something in common. CHAMELEON-PINTO: (To a policeman.) Is this man ill, officer? DOCTOR: Roll up your sleeves. CHAMELEON-PINTO: What are you talking about? DOCTOR: Officer! (One of the policemen comes forward and holds CHAMELEON-PINTO's wrist while the DOCTOR pushes back her sleeve revealing the black sheath.) CHAMELEON-PINTO: Please take your hands off me. DOCTOR: Certainly. I've seen all I want to see. I'll have that, if you don't mind! (He takes the silver freezer-pen that is clipped to her tunic. He turns to CHAMELEON-MEADOWS.) DOCTOR: Now then, where is her original? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: (Pointing to the inner room.) It's in there. (As the DOCTOR heads for the inner room the Nurse shouts:) CHAMELEON-PINTO: You can't go in there! DOCTOR: Would you rather be destroyed? (Turning to one policeman.) DOCTOR: Keep an eye on her, officer. (He turns to the other, indicating CHAMELEON-MEADOWS.) DOCTOR: Bring him along. (SAMANTHA's eyes light up with joy as the DOCTOR hurries into the inner room, followed by CHAMELEON-MEADOWS and a policeman. The DOCTOR hurries over to her and unfastens her straps.) DOCTOR: Sam! Sam, are you all right? Are you all right Sam! (She struggles to a sitting position.) SAMANTHA: I thought I was done for there. Pins and needles... DOCTOR: You're lucky it was no worse. (He rolls up her left sleeve, but there is no sheath on her arm.) SAMANTHA: (Indignantly.) What are you doing? DOCTOR: Just checking up! (The DOCTOR turns to CHAMELEON-MEADOWS.) DOCTOR: Now then, where is the Nurse's original? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: It's in a panel in the wall, somewhere. The control's in the couch there. DOCTOR: All right, Officer. (CHAMELEON-MEADOWS crosses to the couch and operates the controls. The panel slides back, revealing the upright figure of the real NURSE PINTO. Her left sleeve is pushed back and there is a white sheath on her forearm.) SAMANTHA: Flipping heck! But she's in there! (In the outer room, the CHAMELEON-PINTO is washing her hands at a basin, watched by the young constable. She picks up a towel and begins drying her hands. She turns, fumbling a little with the towel. Suddenly she drops it, and there is a ray gun in her hand. She fires, and the policemen falls. Immediately she heads for the inner room. When she appears in the doorway, CHAMELEON-MEADOWS is preparing to assist the unconscious NURSE PINTO from the cabinet. It is SAMANTHA who sees the Chameleon Nurse first. CHAMELEON-PINTO is aiming the gun at CHAMELEON-MEADOWS.) CHAMELEON-PINTO: You traitor! SAMANTHA: Look out! (Before she can fire, CHAMELEON-MEADOWS wrenches the white sheath from the real Nurse PINTO's forearm. The Chameleon-Nurse simply vanishes, somehow imploding. In her place there remains only a congealing blob of protoplasm with a black sheath embedded in the centre. Beside it, in a crumpled heap is her uniform, with the ray gun close by. The real NURSE PINTO staggers from the Cabinet, and CHAMELEON-MEADOWS catches her just in time. The DOCTOR is holding SAMANTHA who is surprised and horrified at the remains of CHAMELEON-PINTO.) DOCTOR: It's all right Sam. It's all right. SAMANTHA: (Breathless.) She's vanished! CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: Doctor. DOCTOR: Put her on here. (The DOCTOR helps him to get NURSE PINTO onto the couch.) DOCTOR: There we are. (To CHAMELEON-MEADOWS.) Will there be any permanent damage? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: No. (He points to her band.) CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: You can take that off now. (NURSE PINTO opens her eyes, looking round dazedly.) DOCTOR: It's all right. You'll be quite all right in a few minutes. There. (He notices a stack of files on a nearby table, and picks one up, studying it absorbedly. He becomes aware that SAMANTHA is tugging at his sleeve.) SAMANTHA: Doctor, what's happened to Jamie? DOCTOR: What on Earth are these doing here? SAMANTHA: Doctor, Jamie wasn't anywhere near the kiosk the last time... LOOK YOU'RE NOT LISTENING. I THINK THEY'VE GOT JAMIE! DOCTOR: Jamie! Where?! SAMANTHA: Well you should know. You got him to pinch me ticket! DOCTOR: Pinch your ticket? SAMANTHA: To stop me from going to Rome. DOCTOR: (Seeing.) Oh you mean Jamie... SAMANTHA: Has gone in my place. (The DOCTOR shakes his head worriedly.) DOCTOR: First Polly and Ben, and now Jamie. We've no time to lose. (They walk out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. STOCK ROOM (JAMIE has been strapped firmly to a metal grille in the stock room and abandoned. Immediately he was left alone he began struggling to get free, and he is still struggling furiously some time later when the door opens and CROSSLAND appears.) JAMIE: (Delightedly.) Inspector! CROSSLAND: Let's see if I can get you out of there. (He begins working on the straps.) CROSSLAND: How did you get here? JAMIE: I... I came on the plane, stole someone's ticket. CROSSLAND: You ought to have been miniaturised on the journey. JAMIE: Min... miniaturised? CROSSLAND: Reduced in size - like all the youngsters in these cabins. Did you not have anything to eat or drink? (JAMIE shakes his head, ashamed.) JAMIE: No, I... I felt too ill! CROSSLAND: That explains it. The food is the first part of the process. JAMIE: Inspector, what is this place? CROSSLAND: A satellite, Jamie. A flying ship in space. These people are from another planet. It seems the Doctor was right after all. Does anyone down there believe him yet? JAMIE: Oh I... I'm not sure. I... I don't think so. CROSSLAND: I suppose it is too much for them to believe. But surely the Doctor's convinced them that something is going on? JAMIE: Aye, I think maybe the Commandant... CROSSLAND: Yes, Jamie. JAMIE: Inspector, have you escaped or something? CROSSLAND: No-one escapes from here. JAMIE: But the plane that comes here. Well it must go back to Earth. We could get on it! CROSSLAND: The last plane to Earth is leaving now. They've just gone back to pick up their own people. JAMIE: Surely the Doctor will think of some way of rescuing us. CROSSLAND: Not this time, Jamie. This time, he's up against a mind superior even to his. The mind of the Director. JAMIE: You mean someone clever than the Doctor? CROSSLAND: The man in charge of this whole mission. JAMIE: (Suspiciously.) You seem to know a lot about it, Inspector. (CROSSLAND smiles.) CROSSLAND: Of course I do, Jamie. I am the Director! [SCENE_BREAK] 10. SPACE STATION (We see the space craft take off from the Space Station and start its journey back to Earth.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. AIRPORT CONTROL ROOM (HESLINGTON is at his radar screen, the COMMANDANT at his shoulder. The COMMANDANT indicates a particular bearing.) COMMANDANT: This is the bearing where the Chameleon plane vanished. I want to know if it reappears there. They've a flight due any minute. HESLINGTON: Very good sir. (The COMMANDANT crosses over to the DOCTOR.) COMMANDANT: Now then Doctor, what's all this about personnel files? DOCTOR: Over here, I'll show you. (They go over to the COMMANDANT's desk and the DOCTOR pats a batch of files.) DOCTOR: I found these in the Medical Centre. Records of twenty-five people who work here. Each one of these has been taken over by Chameleons. COMMANDANT: Right. I'll have them all under arrest within fifteen minutes! (Into the phone.) Airport Police please. (To the DOCTOR.) Now look at this. DOCTOR: What is it? JEAN: Chameleon Air Schedules. COMMANDANT: You see here their last flight of the season goes in an hour. (Into phone.) Er.. Superintendent Reynolds please. DOCTOR: (To himself.) The last flight? Well that's exactly why they mustn't be arrested. COMMANDANT: (Into phone.) Superintendent? Commandant here. DOCTOR: (Shouting.) Will you please listen to me! COMMANDANT: (Into phone.) Will you hold on a moment please? DOCTOR: These people must not be arrested. COMMANDANT: Why not? DOCTOR: Somewhere in outer space, there are fifty thousand young people, three of my friends amongst them, and somehow we've got to bring them back. I want to get on this last flight, which means the Chameleons must think that everything is going according to plan. HESLINGTON: Commandant? COMMANDANT: (Into phone.) Reynolds, I'll call you back. (To HESLINGTON.) Now what is it? HESLINGTON: This blip. It's just appeared out of nowhere and it's coming this way! COMMANDANT: Right well keep tracking them. It may be the Chameleon plane returning. (The COMMANDANT turns back to the DOCTOR.) COMMANDANT: Now look here, Doctor. All very well talking about getting on that plane, but how? (The DOCTOR beckons to CHAMELEON-MEADOWS, who comes over, trailed by his accompanying policeman. The DOCTOR looks up at him.) DOCTOR: At the moment, you look like a man called Meadows. Could you shed that identity and become somebody else? CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: Yes. Yes, some of our people have been processed twice. DOCTOR: Good. Then in that case I shall pretend I am a Chameleon, and get on board that way. (The COMMANDANT looks unconvinced.) COMMANDANT: But even if you get on that plane, what do you hope to do? DOCTOR: I don't know until I get to the satellite... and then I will have one card to play. And that's up to you Commandant. COMMANDANT: What's that? DOCTOR: The people the Chameleons have taken over, the originals, are hidden somewhere here in Gatwick Airport. You have got to find them. COMMANDANT: Of course, and get those fearful things off their arms. DOCTOR: No, no, no! Find them, by all means, but don't tamper with those arm sheaths. Otherwise we lose our one threat - the one thing I may be able to bargain with! COMMANDANT: Yes I see that. (He rubs his aching forehead.) COMMANDANT: But I still don't see how you're going to get on that plane, let alone convince them that you're one of their people. DOCTOR: That will depend entirely on Nurse Pinto. COMMANDANT: Jean, get onto Superintendent. Reynolds. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. MEDICAL CENTRE (Soon a willing NURSE PINTO has the DOCTOR lying stretched out on the couch in the inner room of the Medical Centre, giving a very good imitation of someone who has just been processed. He looks up at NURSE PINTO.) DOCTOR: Now is everything clear? You're sure you understand what I am asking you to do? NURSE PINTO: Yes, of course, but we've got to think of those young people. (They fall silent as they hear someone coming into the outer room. Seconds later BLADE enters. At the sight of the DOCTOR, a ray gun appears in his hand.) BLADE: How very convenient. Lock the door. NURSE PINTO: No, don't shoot! This is Meadows. He had to be re-processed. (BLADE's gun is still trained on the Doctor) BLADE: Why? DOCTOR: (Calmly.) The Doctor became too suspicious of me as Meadows. I was able to kidnap him. The rest is as you can see. (BLADE nods, apparently accepting the story and puts away his gun.) BLADE: A pity. It was useful having someone in Air Traffic Control. But then of course we have possession of the Doctor's brain. DOCTOR: You think that will be useful? BLADE: Undoubtedly. DOCTOR: That means that you'll be taking us up to the satellite? (BLADE gives him a suspicious look.) BLADE: I am taking everybody back to the satellite on the next plane. It's the last flight. Surely you haven't forgotten that? (The DOCTOR nods towards the machine.) DOCTOR: The re-processing. It's difficult to remember details. BLADE: Yes, of course, I understand. (He turns to NURSE PINTO.) BLADE: What have you done with his original? DOCTOR: In a safe place. BLADE: It should be with the others. DOCTOR: Tell me where that is and I'll have it transferred. BLADE: There's no time for that now. Jenkins will see you through Immigration. (BLADE produces two passports from his briefcase, one for NURSE PINTO and one for the DOCTOR.) BLADE: We leave in fifteen minutes. (BLADE turns and strides away.) NURSE PINTO: Do you think we convinced him? DOCTOR: (Thoughtfully.) I don't know. However we've got aboard that plane. Come on, don't let's be late. (They hurry away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. AIRPORT CONTROL ROOM (JEAN is on the phone.) JEAN: Right. Thank you. (She puts the phone down.) JEAN: That was the police, sir. They say the passengers are now boarding the Chameleon plane. COMMANDANT: Did they see if the Doctor had got on board? JEAN: Yes. He was with Nurse Pinto. All the passengers are adults and most of them have been identified as airport personnel. HESLINGTON: Commandant. Chameleon plane's requesting clearance for start up. JEAN: All right Heslington, normal procedure. Give them clearance. (HESLINGTON leans forward.) HESLINGTON: (Into mike.) Chameleon Three-Four-Five, stand by for start temperature... [SCENE_BREAK] 14. RUNWAY (And very soon we see the plane take off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15. AIRPORT CONTROL ROOM (Before very much longer they are watching the Chameleon blip on the screen.) COMMANDANT: Yes. Now it's stationary. It must be ascending vertically. (He goes over to his phone.) HESLINGTON: The blip's getting fainter, sir. That means he's rising above our radar umbrella. (Once again, the COMMANDANT is busy on the phone.) COMMANDANT: (Into phone.) Ah Superintendent, the very man. HESLINGTON: Blip's just gone, sir. COMMANDANT: (Into phone.) Now look, Reynolds. We've got to get every man of your force on that search. There isn't a moment to lose. Time's running out on us. [SCENE_BREAK] 16. MEDICAL CENTRE (In the Medical Centre, SAMANTHA is watching JEAN searching the files. She looks on for a while in silence and then asks:) SAMANTHA: Any luck? (JEAN shakes her head sadly.) JEAN: No. Look at that! Wish my files were as neat as that! (She pulls open a drawer. It is empty.) JEAN: How about you. What about the kiosk? SAMANTHA: Not much. Just a few papers. JEAN: Hmm... Oh we'd better get back to Air Traffic Control then. [SCENE_BREAK] 17. AIRPORT CONTROL ROOM (They enter the room.) COMMANDANT: Well. JEAN: Just a few papers sir. COMMANDANT: Well, there might be a clue there. JEAN: Commandant, surely they'd put them somewhere... I mean, well somewhere we'd never think of. COMMANDANT: (Fiercely.) We've got to think of it, Jean, wherever it is. The Doctor's relying on us. Thousands of lives are depending on us finding those originals - and quickly! [SCENE_BREAK] 18. CHAMELEON PLANE, INTERIOR (There are only a very few passengers on the Chameleon plane this trip, most of them in the uniforms of airport personnel. The DOCTOR and NURSE PINTO sit side by side in an empty row just a little apart from the others.) NURSE PINTO: How much longer, Doctor? DOCTOR: I don't know. I should think we're almost there. Don't worry. [SCENE_BREAK] 19. SPACE (Again we see the space craft docking with the station.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20. CHAMELEON PLANE, INTERIOR (The DOCTOR and NURSE PINTO watch as the windows go dark, as a vast metal shape looms before them, and then seems to swallow them up. The lights come on and the DOCTOR pats NURSE PINTO's arm reassuringly. The plane comes to a sudden stop, and seconds later BLADE appears at the head of the aisle.) BLADE: One moment! Owing to the complete success of our operation, living space on our satellite has had to be used for our... cargo. Therefore, quarters will be re-allocated. Report to the accommodation centre for instructions. (The rest move away.) NURSE PINTO: Do you think he's suspects? DOCTOR: I don't know. Let's follow the others. [SCENE_BREAK] 21. SCIENCE ROOM (The double of JAMIE (CHAMELEON-JAMIE) sits upright in a metal chair, a bank of complex equipment close by. CROSSLAND (now known as the DIRECTOR) stands over him.) DIRECTOR: What is your name? (A croak comes from JAMIE's throat. The DIRECTOR adjusts controls and says:) DIRECTOR: Try again, What is your name? CHAMELEON-JAMIE: Jamie. (He speaks without his original Scottish accent.) DIRECTOR: Where do you come from? CHAMELEON-JAMIE: From Earth, a place called Scotland. DIRECTOR: Excellent. (BLADE comes into the room.) BLADE: Director. DIRECTOR: What is it? BLADE: We have found two impostors. The Doctor and Nurse Pinto. I want permission to have them destroyed. DIRECTOR: One moment. (He turns to the newly created CHAMELEON-JAMIE and asks: ) DIRECTOR: What do you know about the Doctor? CHAMELEON-JAMIE: He is not of this Earth or of this century. He has travelled through time and space. His knowledge is even greater than ours. BLADE: Director, this man is a danger to us, he should be destroyed. DIRECTOR: And I say he must live - but as one of us. BLADE: (Furious.) You will regret it. (The DIRECTOR stares coldly at him.) DIRECTOR: You have your orders, Captain Blade. (BLADE turns and marches angrily from the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22. SPACE STATION'S CORRIDOR (As the little group of passengers moves along the corridor, the DOCTOR and NURSE PINTO deliberately allow themselves to fall behind.) PINTO: What do we do now? DOCTOR: We slip away and see if we can find these young people. Come on. (The DOCTOR turns a corner and finds himself facing BLADE. He tries to get passed him.) DOCTOR: (Cheerfully.) Ah, Captain Blade, we're carrying out your instructions. We're looking for the accommodation centre. (BLADE gives him one of his unpleasant smiles.) BLADE: My instructions don't apply to you. You two won't be needing living space. (The DOCTOR and NURSE PINTO, seeing that they have been found out, turn to run, but suddenly they are surrounded by the shambling featureless forms of unprocessed Chameleons...)

Jamie finds himself aboard the Chameleons' satellite and meets their Director while the Doctor forces the Chameleon Meadows to tell him the aliens' plans.

fd_The_100_05x13

fd_The_100_05x13_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] The valley is ours. As long as you stay here, we won't have a problem. This war is about to be fought on the last survivable land on earth. Retreat! Go back to the wasteland! Did you see Bellamy? He's with Octavia. We gotta go back and get them. No one else is dying to save Blodreina. INDRA: The child with Clarke is a real Natblida. She alone can unify Wonkru. Clarke, there's no time. We have to go. You have to go. I have to stop that transport ship from taking off. OCTAVIA: When they open fire, run like hell. MURPHY: Somebody call for a rescue? Octavia, get in now! [PEOPLE MOANING] [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] We can't stay here. We need medical equipment. There's no food. There's no water. And the rain isn't drinkable from the ash. It's time to surrender. The people who tried to surrender were slaughtered in the gorge. The enemy, they don't want prisoners. They want us dead. That's what they're gonna get if we don't do something. HARPER: We have to fight. The longer we wait, the harder it's gonna be. Nobody's gonna follow me back into that gorge. Then we're already dead. [DISTANT ENGINE RUMBLING] They made it. MAN: We don't know it's them. MILLER: Gunners, spread out and take aim. Fire only on my command. MAN: Little help, little help. We got wounded. Stand down! Stand down! They're with us. BELLAMY: Monty, where's Jackson? She's lost a lot of blood. I got her! I got her! She'll be OK now. Will she? Look around you. Do you see signs of hope here? What do I do? MAN: Blodreina's coming. Protect your Commander! - What are you doing? - Out of my way. O, she saved us. Let her pass. Heda, that is not a good... I said, let her pass. We can't wait much longer. McCreary has Raven and Shaw. One of them will break and fly that ship. You said Clarke was handling that. She is. But I'd rather not let missiles tell us she's failed. What's left of the first battalion is ready. The Commander's army is, too. We're all the Commander's army now. So, where's the Commander? - Get back. - [MAN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] [PEOPLE GROANING] WOMAN: Jackson, Indra's here. She's lost a lot of blood, but she's strong. If we can get her to Abby, she should be able to keep the leg. It's time, Madi. Everyone will follow you, but you have to lead them. I don't want to lead them into a massacre. We have the numbers, Heda. As long as we press forward, we'll make it through. We'll be right beside you. I'm not worried about myself. Look around you. There has to be a better way than rushing back in to those guns. INDRA: If there is, we would've thought of it. [SOFTLY] Ask the Commanders. How, Seda? They only talk to me in my dreams and show me what they want me to see. Close your eyes. Gaia, we don't have time... Just wait. Breathe. In and out. Let this world peel away. And repeat after me. Mens mea fiat mens tua. Mens mea fiat mens tua. [OVERLAPPING VOICES] I have a plan. Of course you do. [MUFFLED SCREAM] Which one of you is ready to fly this ship for me? [CRACK] RAVEN: Stop! Stop! Leave him alone. [RAVEN GRUNTING] KUBA ON RADIO: Boss, we got movement on the sand. Looks like a vehicle. How far away? KUBA: About clicks. The rest of their army is just outside the gorge, tucked against the wall. MCCREARY: Copy that. It's time to bring the missiles to this party. We charge on my command. MCCREARY: Good news. Your dentist appointment is over. We have an army of savages to destroy. So, let's see what we can take off with this. I told you... you don't need your legs to fly. [SHAW SCREAMING IN PAIN] RAVEN: Stop! Stop! Please! I'll do it. I'll fly the ship. If we're not airborne in two minutes... he loses the leg. I'm here to see Colonel Diyoza. Sorry. Only McCreary and the doc are allowed in. Well, the doc sent me. She needs her meds. Hormones for the baby. MCCREARY ON P.A.: Wheels up in two minutes, boys and girls. Time to end this war. Strap in. Make it fast. [KEYPAD BEEPING] [BUZZ] Hello, Clarke. I need to get to McCreary and keep this ship on the ground. You're gonna help me. Turn around. It's hard to keep track of whose side you're on. I guess we have that in common. I guess we do. Let's go. COMPUTER: One minute to liftoff. SHAW: Raven, you don't have to do this. Hit him again. RAVEN: Leave him alone! We're ready for takeoff, all right? - MCCREARY: That's enough. - [SHAW PANTING] Kuba, we're heading your way. Watch the fireworks, then come home. Take us up. We're not going anywhere. Raven, cut the engines. Copy that. About time. MCCREARY: What are you gonna do? Shoot a pregnant woman? CLARKE: No. If I did that, your baby might live. I won't let my child die. Will you? I don't see any missiles. Thank you, Clarke. BELLAMY: Now it's our turn. MAN: So much for McCreary's backup. All positions, open fire. [GUNFIRE] KUBA ON RADIO: Aim for the engine. When the car stops, pull out the cannons! They can't win. We'll see about that. MAN: Fire! Someone explain to me why I'm not shooting this gatling gun. This is Madi's plan. We have to draw out the cannons. By giving them a big target? Yeah, that's a great plan. Ye of little faith. [VEHICLE SKIDDING] You were saying? BELLAMY: What's wrong? We're not close enough. Why are we stopping? They got the engine. Damn it! John, get away from the windshield! BELLAMY: Ten seconds, full charge. Ready to strike. Big gun. Go! Now! Be heroes. BELLAMY: Don't have a shot. ECHO: I do. I need to get closer. Get closer. I'll cover you. John, John, you'll get hit! MURPHY: I thought you said you didn't care. John! [YELLS] ECHO: I'll be right behind you. If you miss, I'll never let you live it down. I won't miss. MAN: Murphy, cease fire! Still no cannon. What do we do now? Now we win. It worked. [BOTH PANTING] [CROWD MURMURING] Take us home. [ALL SHOUTING] KUBA ON RADIO: Here they come. There's too many. Retreat. Retreat! Go back to the village. It's over. Tell your men to lower their weapons and I'll lower mine. Boss, what do we do here? If she moves, shoot her. CLARKE: Diyoza, what the hell is he doing? McCreary... DIYOZA: McCreary, no. Clarke, you have to stop him. He'll kill us all. Shoot him! Right now! SHAW: McCreary, you can't be this crazy. - RAVEN: Shaw? - SHAW: It was our plan for when we got back to Earth orbit. Weaponize the hythylodium to leverage our way to the ground. It'll destroy the valley. OK, OK. My weapon's down. [GUN CLATTERS ON FLOOR] If I can't have this valley... no one can. COMPUTER: Cargo away. COMPUTER: minutes to impact. What will we do? You really are insane. What is insane about self-preservation? It's how we save our child. RAVEN: Whatever. How do we stop it? COMPUTER: minutes to impact. We don't. MCCREARY: We're on a ship. Take us up to space, and we survive. It's as simple as that. For how long without a planet? For as long as we have to. CLARKE: Do what he says, Shaw. Fly the ship. What? What? No. My friends. Our friends. Madi! CLARKE: Do you want to live or not? Fly the damn ship or Raven gets fried. Do it, Shaw. You got seconds. [SCENE_BREAK] [GUNFIRE] [PANTING] COMPUTER: minutes to impact. You'll never know your daughter. [MCCREARY GRUNTING] [INDISTINCT CHATTER] [INDISTINCT SHOUTING IN DISTANCE] MAN: Hear that? MAN : What the hell is that? MAN : Sounds like it's coming from all sides. Sounds like . Weapons down! Put your weapons down now. MAN: Put your weapons down. Halt! Hold your fire. They surrendered. It's over. They killed hundreds of our people in that gorge. This can't be what the Flame is telling you to do. I don't need the Flame to tell me what to do with a bunch of criminals who invaded my home. We've been here before, Madi. We were the criminals. The . We landed in someone else's home, and we went to war. You can execute them because they're the enemy or you can break the cycle. You can be better than them. You can be better than us. The choice is yours, Heda. [SIREN] ECHO: What is that? The evac signal. It means conditions are unsafe. We're supposed to bug out. RAVEN ON RADIO: Everyone, listen up. Life as we know it is about to end again. Get your asses to the transport ship now for immediate evacuation. MONTY ON RADIO: Raven, it's Monty. We're transporting the wounded. RAVEN ON RADIO: Thank god, Monty. Hurry! Wait, wait, wait. Stop a second. MONTY: It's slow going. So, putting aside a thousand other questions, how long do we have? RAVEN ON RADIO: minutes. We'll wait as long as we can. Deja vu. Just go. He won't make it. We have to go without him. Show the others the way. - OK. - I'll take Murphy. We'll be right behind you. - Come on. - I got you. I got you. OK. Follow me! , , . JACKSON: Go, go, go! [MAN GIVING COMMANDS] He's right. Just go on. It's too far. There's not enough time. Then I guess we're both gonna die, because there's no way in hell I can leave the man I love behind. Look, I'm not gonna do that to you, Emori. I can't run. - EMORI: Yes, you can. - MONTY: No... But I can. - Monty, what... Mon... - Come on. [SIREN] COMPUTER: minutes to impact. MAN: Raven, we're good to go. RAVEN: Clarke, we're all systems. Where the hell is everyone? MAN: Let's go! Come on! Thank God. They're here. WOMAN: Come on! - Right here. This way! There it is. - Go! Everyone, get in the ship now! COMPUTER, OVER P.A.: minutes to impact. Clarke, what is this? What's going on? CLARKE: I'll tell you inside. No. Not them. Yes them. First we save their lives, then we let them prove they deserve it. The Commanders told you that? No. Bellamy. Where's Abby? Gaia will need her. She's not with you? She was at the village. I've gotta get her. No. We left a group to go door to door. They'll bring her in. MAN: Put him inside! Put him inside now! [SIREN] Good. Help. I need your help. OCTAVIA: You left without saying good-bye. COMPUTER, OVER P.A.: minutes to impact. I'm not here to kill you, Abby. I'm sorry about Kane, but it's time to go. No. I won't leave him. We've been here before. This is not a choice. Yes, it is. So, it's OK for me to be the monster, but not you? Is that right? Eat or die. That was you, too. Yes, it was. You're right. And he knew. So, go ahead. Strike me down or get the hell out. Because I'm saving the man that I love. I have a better idea. RAVEN ON RADIO: Monty, come in. COMPUTER, OVER P.A.: minutes to impact. RAVEN ON RADIO: Do you read me? Where the hell are you? Please respond. Guys, if we wait much longer, we're not going anywhere. You have to forgive her. Now's not the time, Madi. Do you have any idea how much she cares about you? So much she left me to die in a fighting pit. That was a mistake. How many mistakes did you make to protect the child you loved? That was different. Was it? I shouldn't tell you this, but when you were on the ring, she called you on the radio every day for years. You didn't know that, did you? COMPUTER, OVER P.A.: Two minutes to impact. ECHO: There! [INDISTINCT CHATTER] WOMAN: We need help! BELLAMY: What happened to Kane? Look, Mom, I didn't know. You couldn't have. The mothership has an O.R. If I can get up there, I can save him. [BOOM] What was that? BELLAMY: Sonic boom. It's close. We have to hurry. WOMAN: Bellamy, we're here. We need help with the wounded. BELLAMY: Get Kane onto the ship. We're right behind you. Go. - Where are the others? - Murphy was hit. We didn't have a stretcher for him, but they're coming. They have to be. - WOMAN: Hurry! - INDRA: Gaia, up here. WOMAN : Come on! Everybody inside. CLARKE: Monty, come in. Monty, do you read me? RAVEN ON RADIO: Uh, guys? Look up. We can't wait. We have to close the door. - Bellamy. - I'm waiting for them. COMPUTER, OVER P.A.: One minute to impact. Bellamy, we have to go. Clarke, you do what you have to. I am not leaving my friends. I can't do that again. RAVEN ON RADIO: Clarke, we need to fire the engines. Close the door or I will. Raven, we need a little more time. There is no more time. COMPUTER, OVER P.A.: seconds to impact. Tell Bellamy to get in the damn ship. [SCENE_BREAK] RAVEN ON RADIO: Clarke, I don't want to do this either, but I'm firing the thrusters. [SCENE_BREAK] MAN: Bellamy! Wait! There they are! They're here. - COMPUTER, OVER P.A.: , , , , ... - You're gonna make it. Time to spare. COMPUTER, OVER P.A.: , , , , , [SCENE_BREAK] CLARKE ON RADIO: Raven, they're in. Go for launch. Copy that. , , . Hold on. It's gonna be close. Just once I'd like to take off from a planet that wasn't on fire. [PASSENGERS COUGHING] How's Murphy? Jackson got both bullets. He'll be OK. Cockroaches are hard to kill. Emori's with him now. And Gaia's gonna keep her leg. Kane? They put him in a drug-induced coma. I'm not sure why, but Jackson says there's not enough of the drug to keep him that way for long. It doesn't look good. What if he didn't need the drug? I don't know much about cryosleep, but at least it will keep him alive. That's brilliant. I'll tell my mom. Hey. When you're finished, come to the bridge. We're deciding the fate of the human race. Again. You should be there. You're not mad at me for leaving you in Polis? The Commander ordered me not to be. I'll meet you on the bridge. [SIGHS] Cheer up. I wasn't invited, either. [SIGHS] You know what your mistake was. Not killing you the day you opened the bunker? That, too. But then what kind of lesson would that be? Your mistake was liking it. Power. It's the kiss of death. That's OK. I liked it, too. One garden, two serpents. Eden never stood a chance. It's gone, guys. EMORI: Close it up, Shaw. Like our ancestors on the Ark, we're the last of the human race. Our ancestors were wrong. We're not. people on this ship. Thanks to Madi, we saved who could be saved. Now it's our job to keep them alive. How do we do that? - Algae? - Oh, float me now. Can I...? Yeah. SHAW: From what we know about the half-life of hythylodium, it'll be at least years before that valley comes back. This ship does have a small water recycler and a few weeks' worth of rations, but that's it. Cryo is the only option. There are pods, which is more than enough for what we need. RAVEN: I agree with Shaw. The tech is amazing. We go to sleep, we don't age, we wake the next morning, it's years later. And Bob's your uncle. I thought you hated that phrase. It's growing on me. BELLAMY: It's up to you, Madi. OK. I guess it's time for bed. CLARKE: All right, Madi, we're all set. Will we dream? I don't know. But if we do, I'll see you in mine. Come on. OK. You ready? [KISS] I'm so proud of you, Madi. BELLAMY: OK. Your turn. Kind of like closing the door in the floor. Kind of like that. Wait. I love you, big brother. I know you love me, too. Don't make me wait years to hear you say it. You're my sister, and a part of me will always love you. Does the other part still wish I was dead? The other part wishes a part of you was. Yeah. That's fair. It won't feel like years. Hey. Hey. Why is it just us? MALE VOICE: That's the way Mom and Dad wanted it. Can I just say, wow. I mean, I can't tell you how good it is to finally meet you. Weird but good. Great, actually. Who are you? My name. Right. I didn't tell you my name. Sorry. I've never met anyone before, so, I clearly suck at it. I'm Jordan, Monty and Harper's son. They didn't go to sleep. They talked about your time on the ring a lot. Too much, actually. How happy they were there. I guess they wanted to get back to that. Get dressed and come to the bridge. Dad left explicit instructions. Wake Clarke and Bellamy first. Play them the message. Hey, wait. How long were we asleep? years. MONTY ON VIDEO: Hey, guys, it's been about a year since you all went to bed. Not much to report, really. My algae farm is awesome. No surprise there. Oh. I'm able to monitor conditions on the ground using the ship's geologic equipment, so, I'll know when it's safe for us to go back down. Gets a little lonely sometimes without the rest of you, but the peace and quiet is what... HARPER: Monty, I've been waiting. Harper, wait. I'm in the middle of... HARPER: You promised me. [KISS] We have another staterooms that... Why didn't you tell me? Uh... not a lot to do in space. Ahem. I so didn't need to see that. Hey, again. Today's the two-year anniversary of the long nap. Harper's been eating a little too much algae. [LAUGHS] Hilarious. Hey, guys, um, surprise. We picked a name today. Boy or girl... Jordan. MONTY: I think Jasper would like that. Anyway, still no sign the ground is coming back. I wouldn't expect it this soon, so, I'm not worried. We'll check back in next time there's news. [BABY FUSSING] MONTY: Meet Jordan Jasper Green. [BABY CRYING] Shh. That's all for now. Harper's resting. We're both good, though. Oh, shh. He'll be when you meet him. I can't wait to see your faces. Hi. [KISS] Things didn't go as planned. MONTY ON VIDEO: Happy wake-up day. years. And since you're watching this sometime in the future, you know now that... that I didn't wake you up. That's because there's still nothing down there. I'm working the problem. I've told Harper it's to be expected, but, um... well, that's a lie. This is gonna take a while. Jordan is doing great, though. He's a happy kid. I took a page from Clarke's parenting book. He knows all about you guys. Believe it or not, Murphy's his favorite. It was a rebellious phase. MONTY ON VIDEO: Anyway, it's gonna be a while. I'll let you know if things change. Hey, guys, it's been a long time since we recorded one of these. We just put Jordan in cryo. He's a good boy. HARPER: Smart like his father. MONTY: And kind like his mom. We chose this life. He didn't. Hey. If you're watching this, kiddo... we love you so much. Did you follow my instructions? Assuming he did. Hey, Bellamy, hey, Clarke. We wanted him to wake you first so we could talk. Earth... isn't coming back. You've been asleep for over years and it's as dead as the day we left. I'm working on a plan "B," though. If you're awake, that means I found it. I'll see you again when I do. Wait. Not yet. Take care of our boy. MONTY ON VIDEO: Jordan... your mother died today. She was pretty sick the last few years. Clarke, you were right. Her dad's genetic condition finally got her. We had a good life. Sometimes... I know she wanted to be with you guys. Maybe I did, too. But if we did that... I wouldn't be able to show you this. Son. It took me years, but I finally cracked the Eligius Three mission file. Turns out it wasn't a mining mission. After sucking the Earth dry of oil, they went looking for another planet to tap. Two suns? MONTY ON VIDEO: I set the coordinates a week ago. If I'm right, you should get there in... years. I'm tempted to put myself in cryo to see it, but without Harper... Anyway,it's in the Goldilocks zone of a binary star system. But that's all I know. Eligius Three never radioed back or, if they did, it was after apocalypse one, so, no one heard it. Can you see it? Is it beautiful? It is in my dreams. I hope we do better there. I hope Jasper was wrong and we aren't the problem. I hope your lives there will be as happy as mine has been. Be the good guys. May we meet again. BELLAMY AND CLARKE: May we meet again.

Bellamy's group along with Madi, Octavia, Gaia, and Indra return to Wonkru. Octavia publicly submits to Madi, unifying Wonkru under Madi's command. Clarke frees Diyoza and holds her and McCreary's unborn child hostage, grounding the transport ship. Bellamy's group freely enter the gorge and take out its defenses, clearing the way for Wonkru. McCreary triggers a protocol that will destroy the valley before he's killed by Clarke. Octavia helps Abby get Kane to safety. Everyone on Earth flees the planet and head towards the Eligius mothership before the valley is destroyed. Everyone decides to enter cryogenic sleep for 10 years in order to give Earth time to recuperate. Clarke and Bellamy awaken first and are greeted by Jordan, the son of the now-deceased Monty and Harper, who had elected to not undergo cryostasis. They're informed by Jordan that 125 years have passed and through a series of video diaries left by Monty and Harper they learn that Earth never fully recovered. However, Monty managed to hack the Eligius Three mission file, leading to the discovery of another planet on a distant binary star system where he sends the survivors prior to his death.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_25x07

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_25x07_0

THE HAPPINESS PATROL PART THREE Run time: 24:25 [SCENE_BREAK] Forum Square [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: I want to find out if there's an artist appearing in the Forum tonight. Doorman: I'll just have a look at my list. The Doctor: Her name is Ace. Doorman: I can't do anything till I find my list, now can I? Doorman: Oh dear. Doesn't look like Daphne S went down too well, now does it? Daisy: Big smiles, girls. It's show time. [SCENE_BREAK] Helen A's home [SCENE_BREAK] Helen: Look at them, Fifi. Dreary clothes, turgid music and terrible deportment. Oh, they really are so depressing. Happiness will prevail. Happiness Patrol section F, prepare to effect a large scale disappearance. A drone demonstration is heading towards Forum Square. Proceed there directly. Take no prisoners. [SCENE_BREAK] Forum Square [SCENE_BREAK] Doorman: Ace Sigma, wasn't it? The Doctor: Yes. Doorman: What does she do, then? The Doctor: Do? Doorman: Sing, dance, juggle, magic, vent or impressions? The Doctor: She makes things disappear. Doorman: Magic. The Doctor: (quietly) Nothing magical about the way she does it. Doorman: No, I've nothing down here under magic, but I can do you an Ace Sigma on the miracle survival act. The Doctor: What does that mean? No, don't tell me. If she survives, it's a miracle. [SCENE_BREAK] Helen A's home [SCENE_BREAK] Helen: There we are. And the last one. Ah, there we are, my darling. All mended. We're a team, Fifi, you and I. We help each other, and we will make this a happy planet, in spite of all the killjoys and the bunglers that surround us. And if they're miserable, we put them out of their misery. After all, it's for their own good. But first of all, a little harmless revenge. You take the vermin in the pipes, I'll take the vermin in the Forum. [SCENE_BREAK] Forum Square [SCENE_BREAK] Tannoy: This is a public happiness announcement. A depression is moving towards Forum Square. The proper authorities will restore harmony and peace. Trevor: Doctor. The Doctor: Trevor Sigma. Come to see the fun? Or is that classified information? Trevor: No, I'm leaving this planet. I've completed my census. The Doctor: Oh, is that it? And where are the Census Bureau going to send you next? Trevor: Earth. Have you been there? The Doctor: Once or twice. Trevor: Miserable sort of place. The Doctor: You're making me feel nostalgic. Wait a minute. You can't give them these names. I know them. Harold V, Silas P. They might have lived here once, but... Trevor: They've disappeared. I know. Strange, isn't it? Don't ask me why, but that is what they wanted. The Doctor: How long is it since you were last on this planet? Trevor: Er, six months ago. The Doctor: So, this represents six months worth of Helen A's handiwork. A list of the disappeared. Trevor: That's right. [SCENE_BREAK] Street [SCENE_BREAK] Priscilla: Over there. Man: What? Priscilla: In the shadows. A killjoy. Dark coat, drooping shoulders, a tear glistening on the cheekbone. Summary execution. Man: Not this time, Priscilla. Save it for the drones. Drive on. [SCENE_BREAK] Forum Square [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: It's still the same old story, a fight for love or glory, a case of do or die. The Doctor: Earl. Earl: The drones are on their way. The Doctor: Thank you, Earl. Everything's beginning to fall into place. As time goes by. The Doctor: You're late. Ace: Doctor! The Doctor: You don't know how happy I am to see you, Ace! Daisy: I'm glad you're happy, Doctor, but now it's fun time. Have a nice death. Ace: Doctor! The Doctor: It's all right, Ace. They can't shoot me because they see before them a happy man! And their logic tells them, twisted though it be, that as such they have no power over me. I may have been some time ago a little grouchy, perhaps, a little bad-tempered, but not today. No, because today the Doctor and the drones are having a ball! The Doctor: You can't do it, Happiness Patrol section B. You can't go down in the history of the galaxy as a bunch of partypoopers. The only killjoys in this square are behind you! The Doctor: They're just wallowing in their own... Gilbert: Weltschmertz. The Doctor: Weltschmertz. All except Susan Q and Ace, who are happy to see me! The Doctor: Very happy. Daisy: Priscilla P, stop it. Ace: Come on, Professor, get this heap of junk moving. [SCENE_BREAK] Execution yard [SCENE_BREAK] Helen: Lovely evening. Joseph: Yes, dear. Helen: It's the sort of evening that makes you happy to be alive. I said, it's the sort of evening that makes you happy to be alive! Joseph: Oh. Yes, dear. I'm glad you're happy. Helen: And I'm happy you're glad. Tannoy: Happiness will prevail. Chaos in Forum Square. Fighting has broken out in the ranks of the Happiness Patrol itself. Happiness will prevail. Helen: No matter how hard I try, no matter how much work I put in, something always happens. Even moments like this aren't sacred. But one day, we will be happy. One day, I will be appreciated. Joseph: Yes, dear. Helen: Here, you wait for Fifi. I suppose I'd better deal with this myself. Joseph: Yes, dear. [SCENE_BREAK] Street [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: Where to now, Professor? The Doctor: To the top. [SCENE_BREAK] Waiting zone [SCENE_BREAK] Priscilla: Keep playing. Enjoy yourself. Daisy: Strictly speaking, P, this game is for killjoys. And I am not a killjoy. Priscilla: You pick up a lot in five years on the streets. You can see it in their eyes. You can feel their fear. They know you're watching. Daisy: Ah, it's Helen A! Priscilla: Ignore it. It's just a recording. Helen (on screen): It's not a recording. I'm broadcasting live. Put down your gun and release Daisy K. Priscilla: But she's a killjoy. I arrested her myself. Helen (on screen): I'm losing patience. Put down your gun. Priscilla: What shall I do, ma'am? Helen (on screen): You're in the Waiting zone. Wait. [SCENE_BREAK] Pipe [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: Here's company, Professor. The Doctor: Ah, Wulfric, Wences. The Doctor: That sounds like a Stigorax. I haven't met one since I was in Birmingham in the twenty fifth century. Ruthless, intelligent predators. Wences: Danger! Wulfric: Fifi! The Doctor: Fifi? That wouldn't be Fifi as in Fifi the annoyed rat you claim to have blown to smithereens? Ace: Nobody's perfect, Professor. The Doctor: Including Fifi. The Doctor: This way, I think. Wences: That way danger. The Doctor: Precisely. [SCENE_BREAK] Helen A's office [SCENE_BREAK] Helen: So. What are we left with after this little local difficulty in Forum Square. Remind me. Daisy: A posse heading out towards the sugar factories, and the Doctor and his gang roaming the city. Helen: Nothing insoluble there. All the factories are heavily protected and we'll soon track down the Doctor. Daisy: He may have gone down into the pipes. Helen: Excellent. We'll leave Fifi to deal with him. [SCENE_BREAK] Pipe [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: What was that? Earl: Sounded like an A flat to me. The Doctor: Shush. Whisper. Susan: Why are we whispering? Earl: Crystallised syrup. As it ages it becomes unstable. Ace: So any loud noise could set off an avalanche. The Doctor: Hardly any loud noise, just certain loud noises. Ace: Crucial. The Doctor: I want you to go down the other end with the Pipe People. Ace: Come on, Professor. The Doctor: Take Susie Q with you. Come on. Run! The Doctor: Earl, give me an A flat. Earl: Eh? The Doctor: No, A flat. Earl: Why? The Doctor: Resonance. Sympathetic vibrations. Haven't you read the paper of Doctor John Wallace to the Royal Society in 1677? Quickly. The Doctor: Wrong note. Er, give me a C. Earl: Isn't this dangerous? The Doctor: Yes. Keep playing. [SCENE_BREAK] Helen A's office [SCENE_BREAK] Tannoy: Happiness will prevail. Factory guards are joining forces with the drones to destroy the Nevani sugar beet plant here in sector six. We will keep broadcasting. Helen: It's only one factory, Daisy K. I've built over a thousand. Daisy: What about the reports of riots, hmm? And public unhappiness? Helen: Simple. All we need is someone who knows the streets like the back of her hand. Someone who is a good fighter, and someone above all who is fiercely loyal. Who do you suggest? Priscilla P, perhaps? Daisy: She's a fanatic. Helen: That's how I like them. Get me the Waiting zone. Helen: Get me the Kandyman. Daisy: You're not unhappy about something? Helen: Daisy, get me the Kandyman! [SCENE_BREAK] Kandy Kitchen [SCENE_BREAK] Kandyman: Kandyman. [SCENE_BREAK] Helen A's office [SCENE_BREAK] Helen: I want the Doctor, and I want him now. I don't care what you do, I don't care how far you have to go. [SCENE_BREAK] Kandy Kitchen [SCENE_BREAK] Kandyman: That won't be necessary. [SCENE_BREAK] Helen A's office [SCENE_BREAK] Helen: Why not? Kandyman (O.C.): He's just dropped in. [SCENE_BREAK] Kandy Kitchen [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Kandyman, I don't believe you've met my young friend, Ace. An expert in calorification, incineration, carbonisation and inflammation. Kandyman: I beg your pardon? The Doctor: She's come to look at your oven. Kandyman: Has she, indeed? Then she should wait to be asked. Impolite guests get to feel the back of my candy hand. The Doctor: That may be, Kandyman, but the last time we met you said you were going to kill me. Kandyman: Really, Doctor? Thank you for reminding me. Ace: I wouldn't give that pimple head a hundred to one against you, Professor. Kandyman: Pimple head? I'm disappointed in you, Doctor. I expected you to choose your friends more carefully. Still, she won't be a friend much longer, will she. The Doctor: I agree, you are a pimple head. Kandyman: I'm finding this rather tiresome. Heads or tails, Doctor? The Doctor: Tails. Well? Kandyman: That would be telling. The Doctor: You're playing a dangerous game, Kandyman. That red-hot poker could cut through you like a knife through butterscotch. Kandyman: I have to bow, however reluctantly, to your logic, which leaves me only one alternative. The Doctor: Quick, Ace. Open the oven door! Ace: What about the Kandyman? The Doctor: Oh, he'll keep. He's full of colouring, flavouring and preservative. [SCENE_BREAK] Street [SCENE_BREAK] Earl: Blissful, isn't it, Doctor? Silence. The Doctor: Ah, not quite. I can hear the sound of empires toppling. Earl: And thanks to this lady and her fun gun, she can take out a loudspeaker playing muzak at a hundred paces. Ace: Can I have a go, Professor? The Doctor: Wanton destruction of public property? Certainly not. [SCENE_BREAK] Kandy Kitchen [SCENE_BREAK] Wences: Wicked. [SCENE_BREAK] Helen A's office [SCENE_BREAK] Daisy: No reply. Helen: He must still be in the Kandy Kitchen. Daisy: I've already tried there. Helen: Try it again. Helen: I wonder where he can be? [SCENE_BREAK] Execution yard [SCENE_BREAK] Joseph: Close to the Kandyman, were you? Gilbert: I made him. Joseph: Really? How very interesting. Gilbert: Only his body. His mind was very much his own. Joseph: I certainly don't recall the chap ever arriving. Gilbert: He was born in the Kandy Kitchen. Joseph: Whereas you came from Vasilip, if memory serves. Gilbert: I was exiled from Vasilip. I brought his bones here in a suitcase. Joseph: Exiled, you say? Gilbert: I made a mistake. I was working in the state laboratories. Without realising it, I invented a deadly new germ. The disease wiped out nearly half the population. Joseph: Still, hardly your fault. Can't you just pack him up and start again? Gilbert: Not this time. He's better off this way. The Kandyman's gone. [SCENE_BREAK] Helen A's home [SCENE_BREAK] Daisy: Will you be away long? Helen: Away? Daisy: You're packing a case. I assume... Helen: Why should I be going away? Daisy: I just thought. The situation here. Helen: There's nothing wrong, is there, Daisy K? Daisy: No, of course not. Everything's fine. Tannoy: Happiness will prevail. One hundred and twelve factories have now fallen to the rebels as they continue their drive westwards. Helen: As you said, Daisy K. Everything's fine. I'm happy. Daisy: I'm glad you're happy. [SCENE_BREAK] Pipe [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: Are we under the palace now? The Doctor: Yes, this is where we get in. The Doctor: Okay, Wences, this is the point at which we must say goodbye. Wulfric: Doctor... The Doctor: No protests. Soon you'll be back in the sugar fields. Ace: Something's taking off. The Doctor: Yes. It sounds like a shuttle. [SCENE_BREAK] Helen A's office [SCENE_BREAK] Helen: Gilbert M! Gilbert (on screen): It's all working quite beautifully, Helen A, as you can see. A masterful piece of engineering, even though I say so myself. Helen: You betrayed me! Gilbert (on screen): My only complaint is the company. I don't know how you put up with it. Helen: How did you get into my escape shuttle? Gilbert (on screen): That's what I was saying. The captain let me in. Helen: Who is this captain? Let me see him. Joseph (on screen): Goodbye, dear. Helen: What are you doing there? You're supposed to be waiting for Fifi. Joseph (on screen): Really, dear? It must have slipped my mind. The Doctor: Ah, I was looking for Helen A. Perhaps you could tell her... Daisy: You're too late, Doctor. She's gone. But I'm delighted to see you. The Doctor: Susan Q. Who taught you to shoot like that? Susan: She did. The Doctor: Oh, thank you, Daisy K. Ace: You all right, Professor? The Doctor: Splendid. Ace: Hello, faceache. Susan: Yeah, no more lift music. Earl: Unless it sounds like this. [SCENE_BREAK] Street [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: You can't get away, Helen A. Helen: There's a scheduled flight in an hour. You can't stop me, Doctor. The Doctor: Oh, I know I can't, but it's not me you're running away from. Helen: Who is it, then? The Doctor: Yourself. That's why you'll never escape. Helen: They didn't understand me. The Doctor: Oh, they understood you only too well. That's why they resisted you. Helen: I only wanted the best for them. The Doctor: The best? Prisons? Death squads? Executions? Helen: They only came later. I told them to be happy, but they wouldn't listen. I gave them every chance. Oh, I know they laughed sometimes, but they still cried, they still wept. The Doctor: Don't you ever feel like weeping, Helen A? Helen: Of course not, Doctor. It's unnecessary, and those that persisted had to be punished. The Doctor: Why? Helen: For the good of the majority. For the ones that wanted to be happy, who wanted to take the opportunities that I gave them. The Doctor: What were these opportunities you gave them? A bag of sweets? A few tawdry party games? Bland, soulless music? Do these things make you happy? Of course they don't. Because they're cosmetic. Happiness is nothing unless it exists side by side with sadness. The Doctor: Two sides, one coin. Helen: You can keep your coin, Doctor, and your sadness. I'll go somewhere else. I'll find somewhere where there is no sadness. A place where people know how to enjoy themselves. The Doctor: I'm sure you will, Helen A. Helen: A place where people are strong, where they hold back the tears. A place where people pull themselves together. The Doctor: Where there is no compassion. Helen: Where there is control. The Doctor: A place where there is no love. Helen: I always thought love was overrated. Helen: Fifi! The Doctor: Fifi? Ace: Shouldn't we do something, Professor? The Doctor: 'Tis done. [SCENE_BREAK] Forum Square [SCENE_BREAK] Daisy: This is all your fault, Priscilla. Priscilla: I'm glad you're happy, Daisy. The Doctor: It's been a long night and I think we ought to be off. What about you, Earl? Earl: Think I'll hang out here for a while, Doc. See if I can teach this planet the blues again. Susan: Yes, thank you for giving them back to us, Doctor. The Doctor: Hmm? Susan: The blues. The Doctor: Oh, yes. There are no other colours without the blues. Ace: Will they be all right, Professor? The Doctor: Happiness will prevail.

As the Doctor leads the Pipe People towards reclaiming their world, Helen A faces betrayal from those closest to her and the Kandyman comes to a sticky end.

fd_The_Office_03x18

fd_The_Office_03x18_0

Michael: Can you confirm that the straps are tight? Dwight: Yes. But this [pulls at straight jacket] seems to be... Michael: And now, the chains. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: A lot of people think that magic camp is just for kids. And that's why so many other people in my class were kids. Self fulfilling prophecy. It's um, it's really for anybody with a dream and a belief in magic and a little extra time after school. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: MAGIC MAGIC Magic Magic magic magic... And now, Michael the Magic, will attempt to escape from extreme bondage. [Kevin giggles] Can he do it? I don't see how he can. Dwight: I know how. Dislocate his shoulder and slip his arm out from underneath. Michael: No. No. Everyone, now count down with me. THREE! Jim: Sorry, quick thing. Is it true that if you can't get out, you don't want anyone to help you? Michael: I will get out. Oh yes, I will. Pam: So we shouldn't help you, no matter how much you might beg and plead? Michael: No. Alright, this is getting hot. So let's just do this. Ok, ready? Three, two, one, go. [Michael spits out key, Jim covers it with his foot.] Michael: AHHHH! Kevin: Is everything ok, Michael? Michael: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I cannot tell you how I plan to escape. Other than by using magic. That is the magician's code. Separately, on an unrelated note, if you happen to find a small brass key... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Alright. Dwight: [trumpet sounds] Michael: Ready? Come on guys. Early worm gets the worm. Jim: Another worm? Like, are they friends? Dwight: It's early bird gets the worm. Michael: Pam, would you smell my breath? Pam: No, no. Dwight: Let me smell. [Michael breathes at Dwight] Good, not great. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: "Michael, you go to parties all the time, why is tonight so special?" Well, tonight is so special because my boss's boss's boss, the CFO, not his initials, common mistake, is having a little shindig for all the managers in the company. And Jan and I are going as a couple. For the first time. So it's kind of our coming out party. Really. And that is why tonight is so special. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Jimbo, last chance to carpool. Jim: Oh no thanks, I think Karen and I will take my car. Michael: Sure? Might be a good idea. Jim: Yeah. Michael: Go in together, could save some gas, have some fun, long trip. Jim: Thanks. Michael: Play some games? Jim: Oh. Um. I think we're good. Michael: I spy? Jim: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Why don't I wanna go? Didn't expect to need a reason, so let me think here. Um. I don't know any of these people. It's an obligation. I don't like talking paper in my free time, or in my work time. And, did I use the word pointless? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Thanks for inviting me along. Michael: Oh, sure. Really didn't give it any thought. Wait, should you be going? [phone rings] Heh-woh you. Jan: Michael? Michael: Hey, Buttercup. Jan: Hi. Michael: I am on my way. I should be there in about 15... Jan: Let's just blow this party off. Michael: That's what she said. Jan: Am I on speaker phone? Michael: Uh, yes you are. Jan: Is anybody else in the... Dwight: Hello, Jan. Jan: Hi, Dwight. Ok, Michael, take me off speaker phone. Michael: No problem. [doesn't turn off speakerphone] Jan: Ok. Let's just go to a motel... Michael: Ok. Jan: ...and just like rip into each other like we did on that black sand beach in Jamaica. Michael: Ok. Jan. Jan? This party is actually a really big step for us. So, I... Jan: Still on speaker? Michael: Ummm... I don't know. Jan: Are camera's there? Michael: Maybe. Jan: See you soon. Michael: Ok. Dwight: Talk to you later, Jan. Michael: Alright. Bye. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey, Michael left early, so a bunch of us are going to go to Poor Richard's for happy hour. You should come. Roy: I can't. My brother, he just unloaded the jet ski's and kinda took a bath, so... we're going to go get hammered. Pam: Ok, well, we're going to a bar. Hey. You have to come to stuff with me. I'm serious! If you're going to be my boyfriend, you have to do boyfriend things. Roy: Ok. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I have decided that I'm going to be more honest. I'm going to tell people what I want. Directly. So, look out world, cause ol' Pammy is getting what she wants. And, don't call me Pammy. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Beauty. Thank you sir! Dwight: Salad. Michael: Thank you. Dwight: You dressed exactly like the servants. Michael: Shut up. Ok, change shirts with me. Dwight: Wait. I don't think yours will fit me. Michael: I don't care. Oh, wow. Here. Don't put my jacket. Don't give me that. Dwight: That would have been really embarrassing. Michael: Yes. Dwight: Crisis averted. Michael: Ok. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Oh, that duck is so cute. Kevin: Hey Pam. Pam: Hey guys. Kevin: Oscar. Angela. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hi. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Actually, it's polite to arrive early. And smart. Only really good friends show up early. Ergo de facto. Go to a party really early. Become a really good friend. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Oh, um, potato salad. Dwight: It's from both of us. Michael: No, it's not. Rachel: Wonderful, let's, ah, see where we can put this. Ok. Michael: Oh, you probably want to leave the cover on until the guests get here. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: It's been sitting in my car all day. Sun beating down on the mayonnaise. Just, you never know. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Kevin, you and Stacy set a date yet? Kevin: Yeah. Kelly: Oh my God, when is it? Kevin: It's complicated. I would appreciate some space on this. Roy: Hey. Pam: Hey. You made it. Roy: You said it was important, so... How's it going? Kenny: What's up, Pam. Pam: Hey Kenny, sorry about the jet skis. Roy: You guys, uh, want a round, on me? Everyone: Yeah. Roy: Yeah? Get you a drink. Kenny: Thanks man. Angela: No thank you, Roy. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Oh, you know that line on the top of the shrimp? That's feces. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: What are you looking for? You bring dip? Jan: I'm sure that it's catered. I need you to sign these, Michael. It's a waver of some of your rights. You should read it carefully. It releases the company in the event that our relationship, in your opinion or in reality, interferes with work. You get a copy, I get a copy, and a third copy goes to HR. Michael: Awesome. I'm going to frame mine. I could frame yours too. Jan: You realize this is a legal document that says you can't sue the company. Michael: Over our love. Jan: I've never told you that I love you. Michael: You don't have to, Jan. This contract says it all. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: I am taking a calculated risk. What's the upside? I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love, babies, normalcy, no more self loathing. Downside? I, uh, date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: What's this over the "i"? Michael: It's a heart. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: Why is this so hard? That's what she said. Oh my God. What am I saying? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I love this woman! Jan: Oh, no. Michael, please. Michael, please. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Do you ever watch Battlestar Galactica? Dan Gore: No. Dwight: No? Then you are an idiot. [SCENE_BREAK] Rachel: Hello Michael. Michael: Rachel. Boy, you clean up good. Place looks great with all the lights on. And everything. Actually looks bigger with people in it. It's weird. So... David: Jan, glad you could make it. Jan: Of course, of course, David. Do you remember Michael Scott? David: Of course I do. Jan: From the Scranton Branch. Michael: Jan and I are lovers. It feels so good to finally say that out loud. Jan: David, can I, um, speak to you privately for just a moment, please. Rachel: Excuse me. Michael: Ok. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [looks at beers] Oh. [Starts to walk away, turns around] No. Actually, one of these is supposed to be a lite. Bartender: Oh, sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] Man: So did the merger go smoothly, or? Michael: It did. Like butter. Mike Myers, SNL. You should ask Karen, she was one of them. Karen: I'm the only one left. Everyone else was either fired or quit. And there is one in Anger Management. Michael: Yeah, but you're great now, right? We're all great. Aren't we great? Jan: We're good. [Michael tries to kiss Jan] Michael, stop. Please stop that, ok? Rachel: Can I get anyone anything, or? Michael: I could go for an appeteaser. Jan: Martini please. Michael: Bagel bites or something. Karen: Rachel, your house is beautiful. Rachel: Thank you. Dwight: What's the square footage? David: About 5,000. Dwight: Does that include the garage? Michael: Dwight, wow. That's not appropriate. Dwight: I'm just... David: I don't know Dwight: It's a common question. Michael: David, how much did this house cost? Dwight: These old colonials are great, when they're sound. I'd love to take a look around. Rachel: I'll show you around. Dwight: Cool, let's start with the banisters. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Hey, do you see that guy behind you in the blue blazer against the wall? Jim: Yep. Karen: That's Drake. And just so you know, I don't want to be weird or anything, but we use to date. Jim: Oh, ok. Cool. Thanks for telling me. Karen: And it didn't end well. Jim: Gotcha. Alright. [SCENE_BREAK] David: This was a gift from Lee Iacocca. Twenty year old, single malt scotch. Michael: Here is to Mr. Iacocca and his failed experiment, the De Lorean. [takes sip, coughs violently] Jan: You ok? Michael: Yeah. Do you have any ice? David: Sure. Michael: How about some Splenda? [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: One, two, three, up Jenkins! Down Jenkins. Oh, I think I heard the quarter over here. Kenny: Where? Roy: On this side. Kevin: No, it is definitely under one of these hands. [points to Meredith and Kelly's hands] Ryan: I think I heard it on Roy's side. Kevin: No, it is here. Ryan: [tapping Meredith and Kelly's hands] Not here. Not here. Not here. Not here. Kevin: Good thing you didn't listen to me. Ryan: Yeah, close one. Roy: [points at one of Stanley's hands and one of Pam's] Not here. Not here. It's either here or here. [Stares at Pam] Not here. [Points at Stanley's hand]. Kenny: YES! Pam: Nice job. Roy: I can read you like a book. Pam: Oh yeah? Roy: You can't keep anything from me. [SCENE_BREAK] Student 1: Hey Creed. Creed: Hey! What are you guys doing here? Student 2: You're the man buddy. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: I run a small fake ID company from my car with a laminating machine I swiped from the sheriff's station. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Huh. [Bangs on wall] Yeah, these studs are way too far apart. What's in here? [Opens door]. Rachel: Uh, that's a guest room. Dwight: Just the one window? Rachel: [phone rings] Oh. I must get that. You'll have to excuse me. Dwight: Are those real pearls? Rachel: Uh, yes. Dwight: [tests smoke detector] Good. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Well, it was nice meeting you guys. Take care. Karen: Well, if you're wondering why his wife was staring daggers at me, it's because I kinda saw him for a little bit while they were separated. Jim: Oh. Hadn't noticed. Karen: Really? I thought it was so obvious. I'm glad it didn't make you uncomfortable. Jim: No, it was before I knew you so, its fine. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: This one really smells like vanilla. Check that out. Jan: It's nice. Michael: You and the misses should join us at Sandals Jamaica next Christmas. Jan: I, Michael, I think David probably wants to spend Christmas here with his family. Michael: Oh yeah, they don't allow kids at Sandals. They are persona non gratis... there. But it's fun. It's an awesome place. You would not believe how low this girl can limbo. Jim: Oh. Michael: Crazy. Jan: I'm sorry. You're just going to have to excuse us for just a couple minutes. Michael: Ok. Excuse me. What's going on? What is it? Jan: Sorry. Michael, come here. Just, just, just, just. [kisses Michael] Michael: What are you doing? Jan: Don't you know what I'm doing? Michael: Yes, but you could tell me. What... What is that? Why are you? Why are we going in the bathroom? I thought this is where you liked your privacy. Jan: Shut up. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: What has gotten into you? Jan: Come on. Michael: No, no, no. Jan: What? Michael: Come on, let's go back to the party. Jan: Just let me loosen my dress. Michael: Don't take that dress. Stop it, Jan. Jan: Michael. Michael: No, no, no, means please don't. Please. Jan: Slam me up against the wall, right here. Michael: I'm not going to slam you up against the wall. Jan: Oh, please. Michael: You're acting inappropriate. Jan. Jan: Oh, I'm acting inappropriate? Get out. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: Here. [hands Pam a duck stuffed animal] Pam: Hey, where have you been all night? I was looking forward to hanging out with you. Toby: I was... Pam: Hey, don't you have a daughter? Toby: [takes duck back] Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Oh good, you're up. Hey, who makes this chair? Child: I don't know, it was here when I was born. Dwight: I want one. It's got good solid construction. Comfortable. What is this? Oak? Child: I don't know. Dwight: What do you know? [SCENE_BREAK] David: God, I hate these parties. Do you want to sneak out back and shoot some hoops? Meet me outside in two minutes. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: You stay here and have fun, because I'm going to go out back and shoot hoops with David Wallace. Karen: Ok. Oh, um, don't mention that you and I are dating cause I think he might still have feelings for me. Jim: Wallace? What the hell, have you dated like every guy here? [Karen smiles and gives herself away] Wow. Ok. You got me. Karen: I so got you. Jim: So, none of them? Karen: Of course not. I mean, you're kind of like, my first. Jim: Really? Karen: Oh my God, it's so easy. Fun. Jim: Ok. Karen: Hey Jan. Jan: Not too good. [SCENE_BREAK] Rachel: Did you get a chance to try Michael's homemade potato salad? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Rachel thinks that I brought homemade potato salad and I just picked it up at the supermarket. It's funny. I wish I could make potato salad that good. It's just potatoes and mayonnaise. There is something wrong with Jan. [SCENE_BREAK] David: What's ah, what's with Jan and Michael? Jim: I don't know. Where to begin? My ball. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: The chimney is in decent shape. Not great. I found some termite damage in a crawl space and some structural flaws in the foundation so all in all, it was a pretty fun cocktail party. [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: What? Pam: I want us to make it. I want a fresh start. Roy: That's awesome. That's what I want. Pam: Oh ok, but in order for us to make it, there can't be any secrets between us. Roy: I didn't do anything. Ask anyone, I totally could have and I didn't at all. Pam: Just listen. Remember that casino night about a month before we were supposed to get married? I kissed Jim. Roy: What? Pam: He told me how he felt and I guess I had feelings too, and we kissed. Roy: Jim came on to you? Pam: Just listen. Roy: No, I am listening! That's the problem I am listening! Pam: Don't yell! Roy: Don't yell?! Pam: This is over. Roy: Yeah, you're right. This is so over. You kidding me, Pam!? Come on! God! Kenny: Damn jet skis! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Our first fight. If this is about what happened in the bathroom, there was no place to cuddle... Jan: I feel sick. Michael: You didn't have any of the potato salad did you? Jan: No, we were good when we were just running around, you know, in secret. It was wrong and it was exciting. Maybe it was a mistake to take it public. Michael: Well, if that's the way you feel, my lady, then you have hurt me greatly. Jan: Please don't cry. Michael: I'm not going to cry. I feel like it but I am not going to. Why don't you just take your stupid love contract and tear it up into a million little pieces. Jan: It was never a love contract, Michael and besides, I have already given a copy to David and it would be just as embarrassing to get it back as I was handing it to him. Michael: I want the house, Jan. I want the picket fence. I want the ketchup fights and the tickling, and the giggling. Jan: I didn't mean it. I was... Michael: Whatever. Jan: Tired. I'm tired. And I didn't eat enough. And, and, that's all. That was it. Michael: That's all, you didn't mean it? Jan: That's all. I didn't mean it. That's all. I'm just saying I didn't mean it. Michael: I love you, Jan. Jan: Ok. Dwight: Don't break up you guys, you're great together. [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: Are they going to call the cops? Kenny: No, I paid them off. Roy: Jet ski money? Kenny: All of it. Roy: I'm gonna kill Jim Halpert.

The Dunder Mifflin CFO David Wallace holds a cocktail party at his house, which Jan, Michael, Jim, Karen and Dwight attend. Michael's antics around their "coming out" appear to annoy Jan, but she later attempts to have sex with him in a bathroom. Michael feels uncomfortable and turns her down, angering her. Meanwhile Dwight assesses the structural soundness of the house. Jim and David Wallace bond over shooting hoops when they see Dwight on the chimney. While at a bar, Pam reveals to Roy that Jim kissed her at the casino night. Roy is infuriated and proceeds to trash the bar, assisted by his brother. Pam immediately breaks up with Roy, who then declares that he's going to 'kill' Jim.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_03x11

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_03x11_0

[EXT. (VARIOUS) LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. METEOR MEAT - NIGHT] (The METEOR MEAT delivery trucks back into the loading stall. The driver gets out of the truck and looks at HARLAN who stands in front of the doorway.) Delivery Man: Hey, Harlan. Special delivery. Fresh shipment in from Nebraska. Harlan: Great. Just stack it in the freezer, will you? I got to open up. Delivery Man: All right, you got it, boss. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. METEOR MEAT - NIGHT] (HARLAN opens up the main meat packing area and turns on the lights. He walks inside and powers up the conveyer belt where meat is already placed upon.) (HARLAN reaches up and turns on the overhead fluorescent lights.) (He continues his morning routine and reaches the next machine to turn it on. He looks over and notices that it's already been used with ground up meat in the metal bin on the side.) (HARLAN walks over to the bin and looks inside. His eyes widen as he sees a bloody human hand sticking out.) FLASH TO WHITE: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. METEOR MEAT - NIGHT]] (BRASS escorts GRISSOM and CATHERINE through the main meat packing area.) Brass: Ever wonder what's in that hot dog? Human body in a meat grinder. Shop foreman found an arm. The rest of him is prime grade a sirloin. Catherine: Body in a meat grinder. Sounds kind of "mob-ish" except they left town in the '80s. (They stop. BRASS points to an officer interviewing MANNY SALDANO.) Brass: The last guy to operate the meat grinder is this guy over here. Manny Saldano, age 37. Worked for meteor for eleven years. Shop foreman vouches for him. Says he inspected all three of his machines before he clocked him out. Grissom: Well, we're going to need to process him. Brass: Sure. (BRASS points to the meat grinder) Check out the smorgasbord. Go ahead. (CATHERINE and GRISSOM head for the meat grinder. They duck under the crime scene tape.) Brass: (b.g.) Mike. (CATHERINE puts her case down.) Catherine: (under her breath) Good god... Grissom: Looks like the elbow got stuck in the blade. (Camera zooms down to the pipe at the end of the grinder. GRISSOM puts on his gloves.) Grissom: Yup, the ulna. Catherine: One of the strongest bones in the body. Probably what jammed this grinder. Grissom: Possibly why whoever did this didn't finish the job. (CATHERINE snaps a couple of pictures. GRISSOM tries to take the hand out of the grinder and finds that it's not easy.) Catherine: It's like that Morrissey album - "Meat is Murder" ... (GRISSOM continues to struggle with the hand. He finally looks up at CATHERINE.) Grissom: I'm going to need a hand. HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. METEOR MEAT -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM and CATHERINE kneel in front of the ground meat. GRISSOM holds out his flashlight and they both assess where to start.) Grissom: The last remains of John Doe. We're going to need sifters. Catherine: Blood's everywhere. Phenolphthalein and luminol are useless. (GRISSOM shines his flashlight on the "Butcher" meat grinder.) Grissom: We're going to have to dismantle this piece by piece. Catherine: Yeah. Grissom: I'll get a foreman. Catherine: I think I can handle this. Grissom: You know about meat grinders? Catherine: Well, everything's pretty much plumbing. Male into female parts. Righty tighty, lefty loosey. (CATHERINE reaches over to the meat grinder mouthpiece and starts to unscrew it.) (Dissolve to: CATHERINE starts to take the meat grinder apart piece by piece.) Catherine: Grinder plate. (She puts the grinder plate aside and pulls out the ... ) Catherine: Blade. (She puts the blade aside and pulls out the large piece inside the meat grinder with meat still wrapped around it oozing out.) Catherine: The worm. (She turns around and puts "The worm" in a bag. Behind her, some distance away, GRISSOM finds something on the ground. He picks it up and examines it.) Grissom: Found an ear plug. (CATHERINE turns to look at GRISSOM.) Grissom: Ear wax is ripe with DNA. Catherine: Except ... all the employees wear them. (They both stand up.) Grissom: This one's different than the ones they use. Whoever wore this brought it with them. We just have to find out whose ear it fits. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LINDA DAMEN'S RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (DETECTIVE "SULLY" SULIK escorts SARA and WARRICK through the pool area toward LINDA DAMEN'S apartment. He fills them in.) Det. "Sully" Sulik: Girl's name is Linda Damen, 23, apparent suicide. Father stopped by with dinner found her dead, called 9-1-1. Sara: No signs of forced entry? (The Detective ducks under the crime scene tape. SARA and WARRICK follow. They all head up the stairs to LINDA DAMEN'S apartment.) Det. "Sully" Sulik: Nope. Did find her wallet out. Empty. (The DETECTIVE hands the bagged wallet to SARA. She looks at it and hands it to WARRICK.) Sara: Hmmm ... Warrick: Empty? Maybe she was just broke. (They reach the top of the stairs where JOHN and JANE DAMEN, LINDA'S parents stand. They enter the apartment.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LINDA DAMEN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (Inside the apartment, HANK PEDDIGREW is putting his things away.) Sara: Hey. (HANK looks up.) Hank Peddigrew: You guys are fast. Sara: You pronounce? Hank Peddigrew: 7:20. Coroner will be able to tell you more. Looks like she bled out. Her left wrist is transected. Sara: It's atypical for a female. Women usually commit suicide in the tub. It's easier cleanup for whoever's left behind. Warrick: Yeah. (SARA looks down at the bed and sees something. She lifts the sheet away to reveal a straight-edged razor.) Sara: Warrick. (WARRICK raises the camera and snaps some pictures.) Sara: Did her parents say whether she was living with a man? Detective: Was dating a Brody Jones. No idea where he works or lives. (WARRICK looks at the streak of blood across the bed covering.) Warrick: Did someone move her? (HANK looks at the bed cover.) Hank Peddigrew: She was propped up when we got here. I checked for vitals. Warrick: You sure with all your life-saving efforts you didn't move her? Hank Peddigrew: Hey, man, like I said, I checked for vitals. Sara: It's okay, babe. (HANK turns and stares at SARA, surprised by what she said. DETECTIVE SULIK looks at SARA. SARA turns her back to the men and shakes her head slightly at herself.) Hank Peddigrew: (continues) The victim had no response. I had no reason to move her. Warrick: Well, someone moved her. She bled out her (HANK doesn't say anything more.) (SARA turns on her flashlight and checks out the closet. She lets out a deep breath.) (HANK walks up to SARA.) Hank Peddigrew: I'm going to hit the road ... (beat) ... baby. Sara: (grimaces) I'm sorry. (HANK leaves. SARA examines the clothes in the closet and finds something.) Sara: There's a stain here. So cold stains. Warrick: Is it recent? (SARA checks.) Sara: It's cool to the touch, yeah. (WARRICK finds some bloodied footprints on the carpet near the bed.) Warrick: Sara. (SARA turns to look at WARRICK.) Warrick: I think our suicide just became suspicious circs. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC PATHOLOGY -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM examines the partial arm on the table. ROBBINS stands near him.) Robbins: Since I'm the one who always seems to state the obvious this arm was dead before it was hacked off. Grissom: What do you make of the, uh scar tissue on the palm? Robbins: Occupational hazard, maybe. I see this kind of thing a lot in bricklayers, plumbers, carpenters. Grissom: Looks like it's blistered. (GRISSOM turns around and picks up something from the table behind him.) Robbins: Gradual denaturation of the proteins in the epithelials. Resulting in general scarring on the palm or surface. (GRISSOM takes a sample from under the fingernails.) Grissom: I'll send this sample to trace. (GRISSOM continues to look at the hand.) Grissom: Tips of the fingers look like they're worn to the bone. Robbins: Can you get a partial? (GRISSOM turns around and picks up a small bottle of something from the table behind him.) Grissom: Much more than that. Lansberry's Ridge Builder. One application to the bulbs of the fingers and the ridges plump out temporarily like a chia pet on steroids. (GRISSOM brushes the liquid onto the fingertips.) (Camera close up of the fingertip. CGI has the print ridges well defined. Resume to ROBBINS.) (GRISSOM lightly inks the tip of the finger, then takes a print from it. Pleased, he glances at ROBBINS.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB] (GRISSOM and CATHERINE stand around the print database monitor as they run the print. The computer beeps and it pops out a name with ID.) Grissom: Petrov Samsko. Non-gaming sheriff's permit, head chef, Debreff Restaurant. (GRISSOM pronounces it "doo-breff".) Grissom: Chef-- that would explain the burn scar tissue on his palm. Catherine: (nods) It's "Debreff." (CATHERINE pronounces it "dough-breff".) Catherine: It's a five-star restaurant. I've eaten there. Grissom: Good, maybe you can get us a table. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LINDA DAMEN'S APARTMENT -- NIGHT] (Camera opens on WARRICK comparing the shoe print with JOHN DAMEN'S shoe while JANE DAMEN stands near and watches.) Warrick: Different sole, different size. Thank you. Sorry for the inconvenience. This is just a standard procedure. (WARRICK sits down.) Warrick: Do you have any idea where your daughter's boyfriend works? John Damen: Well, a casino. Warrick: Uh, which one? John Damen: All of them. He's, uh, he's a gambler. Um, used to drag Linda out, keep her up days at a time. Ran her health down, her spirit. Jane Damen: She was getting better, though. She had a, uh... rough time after college finding herself, but she was getting better. (JANE DAMEN shifts her gaze past WARRICK where the Coroner's office bring out LINDA DAMEN'S body on a gurney. Her eyes follow the gurney as they wheel the body away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (ROBBINS fills SARA in on the findings. Camera opens on the blade cut on LINDA DAMEN'S left wrist.) Robbins: The trans-section of the left wrist is consistent with a self-inflicted wound particularly because she's right-handed. (SARA leans over and looks at the wound.) Sara: There's no hesitation marks. Isn't that uncommon for suicide? Robbins: People usually stutter-cut a few times ... (Quick CGI to: Camera close up of a razor against a wrist making small hesitation cuts.) Robbins: (V.O.) ... trying to work up the courage. (End of CGI. Resume to present.) Robbins: This woman cut herself with one smooth motion. Sara: This D.B. is all wrong. Someone moved her two feet from where she bled out. What did the tox screen say? Robbins: Nothing. Not back yet. But I'll get it to you soon as it is. Sara: Thank you. (SARA and ROBBINS turn to look at the body. SARA sees something and leans over for a better look.) Sara: Is that glass in her hair? Robbins: Minute pieces of it, yeah. I tweezed a few for trace. (ROBBINS takes a sample piece out and hands it to SARA for her to look at.) Sara: We didn't see any broken glass in her apartment. Round edges, tinted ... (Camera zooms in for a close up of the piece of glass.) Sara: ... it looks polarized. Robbins: Probably safety glass. Sara: Yeah. Too bad it didn't protect her. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DE BREFF BISTRO (RESTAURANT) - FRONT -- NIGHT] (At the front, the HOSTESS is on the phone. GRISSOM and CATHERINE walk up to her.) Hostess: (to phone) Uh, Debreff, please hold. Debreff, please hold. Debreff, please hold. (Still on the phone, the HOSTESS looks up at GRISSOM and CATHERINE. She puts the phone down for the moment.) Hostess: Hi. Last name? Grissom: We don't have reservations. W-we're here... (As soon as the HOSTESS hears that they don't have reservations, she turns back to the phone. She puts a hand up to stop GRISSOM from talking.) Hostess: (to phone) eh, party of four? Three weeks from Thursday? Let me see. (The HOSTESS turns to look at her reservation book.) Catherine: Excuse me, but you don't understand. Hostess: No, I'm sorry. You don't understand. You're walk-in's on a very busy night. We're short a chef. Catherine: We know. He's dead. Grissom: Not just dead. Dismembered. (GRISSOM holds up his work ID for the HOSTESS.) Grissom: We're with the crime lab. (The phone continues to ring in the background. The HOSTESS hangs up the phone she's holding.) Hostess: I'll get the owner. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DE BREFF BISTRO (RESTAURANT) - KITCHEN -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM examines the items on the shelves in the kitchen while CATHERINE talks with LES DUTTON, the OWNER.) Les Dutton: Are you sure it's Petrov? Catherine: Coroner made a positive identification. Les Dutton: What makes you think this event happened here? Catherine: We found traces of aspic and olive oil under his fingernails. Means that he went into the meat grinder without showering. Possibly straight from this kitchen. Les Dutton: If there was a murder in our kitchen don't you think that, uh ... I'd know about it? (He chuckles nervously.) Catherine: I don't know. Would you? (GRISSOM continues to look around the kitchen. He finds in the hamper, two blood-stained chefs jackets. One belongs to "ROSS HALPO, SOUS CHEF" and the other to "LOLA CREIGHTON, SAUCIER CHEF". Both also have "Do Breff Bistro" embroidered on it.) Grissom: Hey, Cath? (points to the jackets) Blood spatter. Owner: It's a kitchen. The chefs use knives. That's not uncommon. You are...? Grissom: Gil Grissom. I'm with her. (GRISSOM pulls out another white jacket. On it reads: "Do Breff Bistro", "Stephanie". There is no job title on it.) Grissom: Who's, uh, Stephanie? Owner: One of my waitresses. Grissom: Oh, I understand how chefs cut their fingers and how the kitchen help could have blood spatter on their uniforms, but how does a waitress get blood on the back of her shirt? (LES DUTTON doesn't say anything.) Catherine: We can shut you down for hours or get a warrant and shut you down for good. (He turns and looks back nervously at his busy kitchen.) Les Dutton: (to CATHERINE) Give me till after the rush? (GRISSOM looks up at him.) CUT TO BLACK. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DE BREFF BISTRO (RESTAURANT) - FRONT -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM and CATHERINE wait back out in the main dining room. GRISSOM sighs.) Grissom: Okay, this "rush" is taking entirely too long. Waiter: (to PATRON) Sir? The Coquilles St. Jacques. (The WAITER lifts up the dish lid.) Patron: Thank you. Catherine: People always think that the show is out front. It wasn't till I waitressed I realized it's all in the back. (Bored, GRISSOM looks around and notices something unusual. He walks to an unused booth and moves the flower vase. CATHERINE sees GRISSOM'S interest in the booth and joins him.) Catherine: What are you looking at? (GRISSOM taps the booth wall with his finger. There appears to be a blackish-colored stain on it.) Grissom: Looks like a v-pattern to me. What do you think? (CATHERINE looks at it.) Catherine: Yeah. What? Caused by a candle? Grissom: Burn area seems too big for a candle. (LES DUTTON walks up to them.) Les Dutton: Okay. Kitchen's all yours. Grissom: Mr. Dutton, uh, can I ask you what happened here? Les Dutton: Oh, geez. Uh, waiters probably put the candles too close to the wall. I've told them a million times. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DE BREFF BISTRO (RESTAURANT) - KITCHEN -- NIGHT] (The chefs prepare the meals. A waitress walks up to the main area. GRISSOM glances at her and holds up the baggied bloodied jacket.) Grissom: Ah, excuse me. Stephanie? Stephanie: Uh-huh. Grissom: Is this your uniform? Lola Creighton: Don't have to answer that, Steph. They don't have a warrant. Grissom: (to CATHERINE) I thought you said the mafia left town. (CATHERINE chuckles.) Catherine: We have the owner's consent so, again, could you explain this blood? (STEPHANIE hesitates.) Ross Halpo: (interrupting) Order up, Stephanie. Hot items. Two filet mignon and one coquilles St. Jacques. Boogie. Go, go. (CATHERINE watches as STEPHANIE grabs the dishes and leaves the kitchen without answering their question. She gets angry and turns to the two chefs.) Catherine: Hey! We found blood spatter on the uniforms of several employees who worked the night that Chef Petrov died. (GRISSOM holds up one of the baggied jackets.) Grissom: Ross Halpo -- sous chef. (He lifts up the other bag.) Grissom: Lola Creighton -- saucier. (To the two chefs.) Grissom: You want to tell us how the blood got here? Ross Halpo: It's my blood. We got a rule in the kitchen: Don't touch my knife; don't touch my Johnson. (Quick flashback to: In the kitchen, PETROV SAMSKO and ROSS HALPO work side by side.) Ross Halpo: (V.O.) I was working with Petrov, the head chef. (ROSS HALPO absently grabs the knife near him. PETROV sees him grab his knife and stops him.) Petrov Samsko: Hey, hey, that's my knife! (Using the knife in his hand, PETROV cuts ROSS HALPO.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Ross Halpo: Touched his knife. I deserved it. Grissom: Okay. That still doesn't explain how the blood got on the uniforms. Lola Creighton: They don't get it. Chefs here have a ritual. Macho thing. If you get cut, it's tradition that you disburse maximum spillage. (Quick flashback to: In the back of the kitchen, ROSS HALPO starts tossing his blood around the kitchen toward the other laughing chefs.) Chef: (laughing) Oh, hey, watch it. CHEF: (laughing) Ah, blood! CHEF: (laughing) Oh, hey, stop... ooh! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Ross Halpo: That's how everyone got blood on themselves. Catherine: Macho. Grissom: (unamused) Haven't these people ever heard of HIV? Catherine: Apparently not. Grissom: Alert all your employees. We're going to take over your kitchen, starting now. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB] (SARA walks into the lab.) Sara: Hey. You got something on that glass? David Hodges: Didn't beep you to say hi. Sara: Glad to you're settling in, Hodges. David Hodges: You were right. It is polarized. Ultraviolet quotient is very high. Glass is from a car windshield. Sara: Maybe she was in some kind of car accident. Hit-and-run ... (HODGES looks up and continues sarcastically.) David Hodges: ... then she crawls home, gets on her bed and commits hari-kari? [Note: The correct Japanese term is "hara-kiri".] Sara: Stranger things have happened. If you weren't such a lab rat, you would know that. You got a make of a car for me? David Hodges: (doesn't look up) No. (After a beat, HODGES looks up.) David Hodges: But ... I can narrow it down to the year it was manufactured. Car companies add more ultraviolet sealants each season to stay ahead of safety standards. Used a comparison study of a car that was made in 2001. (Camera view: The two pieces of glass side by side.) David Hodges: Your windshield glass is from a 2002 model. Sara: Thank you. David Hodges: Mm-hmm. (HODGES walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PARKING GARAGE] (SARA and WARRICK finish examining LINDA DAMEN'S car. They sigh.) Sara: The windshield's intact. Warrick: Yeah. Well, maybe the glass came from another windshield in this lot. (WARRICK turns and looks around at the other cars in the garage.) Sara: Yeah. Let's take a look. (They start walking around and looking at the cars' glass.) Sara: You know, you can tell a lot about a person by what they leave in their car. Sara: Rotten bananas. (WARRICK chuckles.) Warrick: Business suit. Sara: I got a paycheck. Who would do that? Warrick: Underwear. (WARRICK chuckles. He finds something with the next car.) Warrick: That looks like adhesive. Sara: Still tacky. (Off screen, a woman yells at them.) Linda's Neighbor: Hey, hey! What are you doing? That's my car. (SARA holds out her ID to the woman.) Sara: Crime lab. How are you? Linda's Neighbor: Cute picture. I'm late for work. (She opens the car door. SARA stops her.) Sara: We noticed you had your windshield replaced recently. The adhesive's seeping. Linda's Neighbor: You get what you pay for. So the car shop was having a half-off deal. I'm in no position to go to the big guys. Sara: Did replacing the windshield have anything with the tenant in apartment Linda's Neighbor: Linda? (scoffs) Yeah. She did it. I'd send her the bill if I thought she'd pay. She hasn't paid for anything else she trashed in this complex. Warrick: Like what else? Linda's Neighbor: Oh, well, that would depend on her mood. Um, when she's up, she breaks the mailboxes. (Quick flashback to: LINDA DAMEN bangs something clutched with both hands against the mail boxes. She grunts in frustration. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Linda's Neighbor: When she's down she throws the patio furniture into the pool. (Quick flashback to: LINDA DAMEN tosses the furniture into the pool while screaming. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Linda's Neighbor: She broke my windshield yesterday because she said she 'heard' me talking on my cell about her. (Quick flashback to: LINDA hitting and breaking the car windshield while screaming. The neighbor is sitting inside the car.) Linda Damen: You bitch! LINDA DAMEN: I heard you! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Linda's Neighbor: We just call her "the whack job in 325." Warrick: Well, she died yesterday. We think it may have been a suicide. Linda's Neighbor: (flippantly) Yeah? I'm surprised someone didn't kill her. (SARA stares at the NEIGHBOR. WARRICK also watches her carefully. The NEIGHBOR starts to worry that she might have said the wrong thing.) Linda's Neighbor: Look, unless you want to call my pit boss and tell him I'm under arrest, I'm going to work. (She gets into her car.) Sara: Thank you. (to WARRICK) I would like to see Linda Damen's tox report. Warrick: Yeah. (The car engine starts.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DE BREFF BISTRO (RESTAURANT) - KITCHEN] (CATHERINE vacuums the kitchen countertop. In the storage room at the back of the kitchen, NICK checks the counters with an ALS. He finds body fluid. He looks up and sighs.) (CATHERINE finishes up vacuuming and turns the motor off.) Nick: Fresh off an airplane from a conference, and bamm -- I got seminal fluid. Catherine: Lucky you. (CATHERINE takes the filter out of the vacuum and tests the white powder inside. She sees the change, stands up and smiles.) Catherine: Some things never change. Nick: What's that? Catherine: Cocaine. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DE BREFF BISTRO (RESTAURANT) - KITCHEN -- CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM kneels down next to the floor drain and tests it. The area around the drain turns pink.) Grissom: Presence of blood on the drain. (CATHERINE and NICK join him.) Catherine: Blood, coke, semen. These people were doing everything in this kitchen but cook. Nick: I'll go have a little chit-chat with the hostess. They always seem to know everything. (NICK leaves. CATHERINE kneels down as GRISSOM takes off the drain cover. Inside they find something.) (Camera close up of the blood clot GRISSOM picked up.) Catherine: Blood clot. What is that, sand around it? Grissom: Looks like it. What would sand be doing in a kitchen? Catherine: Well, one thing's for sure: The blood got there before the sand. Grissom: This was not a little knife knick. This guy was stuck. I mean, uh, he bled out long enough for his blood to pool and clot. (GRISSOM and CATHERINE both stand up.) Grissom: Excuse me. (beat) We're going to need all your knives. (to ROSS HALPO) Starting with yours. (ROSS HALPO clears his throat and walks to the counter with his knifes. He opens his knife holder and shows the knives to GRISSOM and CATHERINE.) Ross Halpo: I need them back by the next shift. Catherine: Well, that depends on what we find. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM] (SARA sits with JOHN and JANE DAMEN. JOHN reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a photograph.) John Damen: Oh, uh, this is the clearest picture that we could find of Brody. Sara: Thank you. I'll get it to a detective. Jane Damen: The shoeprint that you found in Linda's bedroom? Are you thinking that Brody might have...? Sara: Oh, we don't know yet. We're going to wait and see what the evidence tells us. I did meet a tenant at your daughter's apartment complex that described Linda as ... troubled. Did you ever witness her being violent? Jane Damen: We like to think of her as normal, as improving. She was prescribed lithium her junior year of college. Sara: She was diagnosed bipolar? John Damen: She's a rapid cycler. She shifts into manic in a blink. We knew she had been violent around the complex. Sara: Lithium didn't help? Jane Damen: Well, it's a catch-22. When Linda's in an "up" phase, she doesn't think she needs the lithium, so she doesn't take it which then makes her more unstable. (She corrects herself.) Jane Damen: Made. Sara: I'm sorry for your loss. (Camera holds on JANE DAMEN. JOHN DAMEN reaches over and holds onto her hand.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DE BREFF BISTRO (RESTAURANT) - OWNER'S OFFICE] (GRISSOM looks through the Owner's Log. It reads: ) SEPTEMBER 26, 2002 LOAN REPAYMENT FROM 2. COC ... PLATE BREAKAGES 14 DINNER 3 SALAD BEEF ORDER SHORTED, ON NEXT BILL ACCIDENT REPORTED DANNY PASQUALLE, ITALIAN MALE ... SUFFERED SUFFERED THIRD DEGREE ... ON HIS FACE, THE NIGHT OF SEPT. ... SPECIALS: (GRISSOM closes the log book and thinks about it. He looks around and finds under the small shelf, something covered with a red cloth. He pulls the cloth away and finds a gueridon.) (Quick flashback to: The gueridon is lit and a high flame leaves a V-shaped pattern on the booth wall. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (LES DUTTON walks into the office.) Les Dutton: That's a gu ridon used for tableside cooking. Grissom: I thought there was a policy against the use of these in Las Vegas restaurants. Les Dutton: Ever since a television star from the '70s burned his face by one. It's changed dining forever. Grissom: You know, those v-marks that we found in the restaurant -- those were made fairly recently. Certainly ... since the '70s. Les Dutton: I lied about the candles. It was an accident. Grissom: According to your owner's log, ... (GRISSOM lifts up the log book) ... it was a bad accident. (reading) Danny Pasqualle, Italian male model suffered third-degree burns on his face the night of September 26, 2002. Les Dutton: We do special requests for special customers. Chef Petrov made Mr. Pasqualle a cafe diablo. (Quick flashback to: CHEF PETROV is cooking in front of the booth. DANNY PASQUALLE watches with anticipation.) Petrov Samsko: Myers rum, grand marnier, kahlua, and now for the rind. (CHEF PETROV holds up a long piece of rind. He lights it and drops it into the gueridon. It literally explodes in DANNY PASQUALLE'S face. He cries out in pain.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: Did he ever file formal charges against you? Owner: No, that's the strange thing. He... he never did. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (BRASS and GRISSOM interview DANNY PASQUALLE. The camera starts on the left side of DANNY PASQUALLE to show us the unburned side of his face and slowly pans around him to his right side.) Danny Pasqualle: What am I going to do, sue for a restaurant? I used to make five million a year. (scoffs) You do the math. Brass: So after losing all that salary you never filed suit. Maybe you didn't file charges it and settle it for yourself. (The camera stops moving and reveals the scarring on DANNY PASQUALLE'S right side of his face.) Danny Pasqualle: (pauses for a moment) Are you accusing me of something? Grissom: No charges will be filed, Mr. Pasqualle if ... you'd be willing to fill out a statement to that effect. (GRISSOM pushes the piece of paper on the table toward DANNY PASQUALLE and holds out a pen for him. DANNY takes the pen in his right hand and leans over to read the paper. When he grabs the pen, GRISSOM sees the wound on his knuckles.) Grissom: The wound on your hand, Mr. Pasqualle? Patterned abrasions over the dorsal of the hand at the metacarpal phalangeal joints. Brass: We call it a "fight bite." Grissom: Human mouths are full of bacteria. A wound from a human bite is a tremendous source of infection, unfortunately. Brass: So, what happened, Mr. Pasqualle? You paid the chef a little visit and did your version of "etu, brute?" (DANNY PASQUALLE pushes the paper from him and sits up. He remains silent.) Grissom: You don't have to say anything, Mr. Pasqualle. (GRISSOM reaches into his jacket pocket and takes out a swab. He uncaps the swab.) Grissom: We just need your hand. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (The technician takes a syringe and takes a sample from the wound on DANNY PASQUALLE'S right hand. He flinches as the needle pierces his skin. A sample of the liquid is extracted.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB] (Camera opens on the line of culinary knives on the table, each one tagged.) (CATHERINE picks up a knife. In the DNA lab next door, the printer spews out GREG'S test results. He looks at it, then turns to CATHERINE.) Greg: Blade #25: Not human. Catherine: 25 knives in, and I'm bust. (CATHERINE lifts up the knife and finds some dried red stuff on it.) Catherine: Oh, now we're cooking. (She rubs a swab on it and nothing comes off.) Catherine: It's not blood. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CASINO - MAIN FLOOR] (DET SULIK points out BRODY JONES to SARA and WARRICK.) Det. "Sully" Sulik: There he is-dollar slots, wearing the cap. Sara: How did you track him down? Det. "Sully" Sulik: We showed his photo around. The ATM in the lobby -- he used it 24 hours ago. (As they get closer, they notice that BRODY JAMES is sitting in front of a slot machine writing vigorously in his notebook. It reads: ) BAR LINE LINE LINE BAR LINE BLANK BAR BAR BAR BAR LINE LINE BAR BAR BAR LINE LINE LINE BAR BAR Sara: What is he doing? Warrick: We used to call a guy like that a bean counter. Degenerates paying 25 cents a pop in the hopes of cracking a pattern. Sara: What are the notebooks for? Warrick: It's his results. But that joker doesn't realize that the patterns can end up in the hundreds of millions. Sara: You know, the more I see of this kind of stuff the less I picture you a gambler. Warrick: This isn't gambling. This is the end of the line. (As they get closer, they notice blood stains on BRODY JONES' right shirt sleeve. BRODY doesn't notice them approaching.) Warrick: How long have you been here, sir? Det. "Sully" Sulik: Las vegas police. We want a word with you. What do you know about the death of Linda Damen? Brody Jones: Unfortunate. I need to ... write my results. I need to ... document them. Warrick: How did you get the blood on your shirt? Brody Jones: What blood? Sara: We're going to need your shirt. (BRODY JONES sighs. Without missing a beat, he shoves his pen in his mouth and takes his shirt off. He tosses it to SARA.) Brody Jones: Take it. Warrick: You're coming with the shirt. We'll need your shoes, too. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- HALLWAY] (GREG and GRISSOM walk down the hallway. GRISSOM looks through a file while GREG holds on to the test results.) Greg: Did you know that some doctors believe that oral bacteria have no other benefits than to make it impossible for other more vicious bacteria to take up residence in our mouths? Grissom: I knew that, Greg. Greg: So, then I should just stop trying to impress you. Grissom: That would impress me. Greg: Okay. Well, results from the fight bite boy. (GREG hands the test results envelope to GRISSOM.) Greg: I had to get it from an outside lab since we're not equipped to do bacterial DNA testing ourselves. Hint, hint. (GRISSOM removes the test results and looks at it. The results done between the two samples, SAMPLE (PASQUALLE) and BACTERIA (SAMSKO), had findings of "MATCH FOUND 1 IN 600 BILLION".) Greg: Bacteria on his knuckles matches the natural bacteria in the chef's mouth. Grissom: I guess he settled out of court. (Quick flashback to: In the De Breff Bistro kitchen, DANNY PASQUALLE walks up to CHEF PETRO SAMSKO. He grabs his shoulder and spins him around.) Danny Pasqualle: You ruined my life! I'll never work again! (He swings his fist and makes contact with the CHEF'S mouth. The CHEF grunts upon impact.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Greg: Looks like he took a cheek swab of the chef with his own fist. Grissom: Thanks, Greg. (GRISSOM continues down the hallway.) Greg: (nods) Mm-hmm. (GREG turns around and heads back down the hallway.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY OUTSIDE INTERVIEW ROOM] (BRASS walks down the hallway toward the interview room door. Inside the interview room, GRISSOM shows DANNY PASQUALLE the DNA test results.) Grissom: (muffled) You can see why I might have a hard time believing you, right? (BRASS taps lightly on the glass door. GRISSOM looks up and sees BRASS at the door.) Grissom: (muffled) Excuse me. (GRISSOM puts the test results away and heads for the door. He exits the interview room and stalks with BRASS out in the hallway.) Brass: So ... our male model copping to battery? Grissom: He's denying murder. Brass: Well, maybe he's telling the truth. The earplug from the meat plant -- we got a hit on CODIS. Kicked out Harold Haskins delivery man from Meteor Meat. Out on parole for extortion. (beat) He delivers to Debreff Restaurant. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. METEOR MEAT -- DAY] (BRASS interviews HAROLD HASKINS.) Brass: So, you snuck in the place to grind up a body? Harold Haskins: No. I didn't even know what it was till it was too late. Brass: Who exactly gave you the, uh, "meat" to grind? Harold Haskins: Uh, it was in the restaurant freezer at the De Breff. Brass: You see my face? This is me almost believing you. Now, I've already violated your parole so whatever I say to the judge is up to you. So, what is it? (HAROLD HASKINS sighs.) Harold Haskins: It was Ross. The Sous Chef. I owed him 3,000 for coke. He said I could pay him back with the favor. Brass: You ground up a body as a favor? Harold Haskins: It was already dead. It's not like I killed him. Brass: Well, that's a very tenuous distinction. (BRASS turns around and heads back down the hallway. He turns around and tosses over his shoulder to HAROLD HASKINS.) Brass: Stay right there. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DE BREFF BISTRO (RESTAURANT) -- KITCHEN] (The kitchens are busy again. CATHERINE and GRISSOM ) Ross Halpo: (to the chef off screen) That's a filet, not a porterhouse. (to CATHERINE) I'm a Sous Chef. Twenty guys are into me for recreational substances. It doesn't mean they'd cut a body up for me. Catherine: "Ground it up". We're thinking that you did the actual filleting. Ross Halpo: (chuckles) Never happened. Ask any of the guys. Catherine: We have. They won't talk. Military calls it "code red." (Behind them, GRISSOM looks around and finds something above the stove.) Catherine: Fierce loyalty to the top dog. I guess Petrov was that until somebody killed him. (GRISSOM takes a sample of it and holds it.) His tragedy is your promotion? (LES DUTTON interrupts CATHERINE.) Les Dutton: Excuse me. We're in the middle of a rush here. Customers don't forgive a cold meal or a late meal. Catherine: I bet they'd forgive a murder, Les. Grissom: Hey, do you guys serve mutton? Les Dutton: What? Grissom: Mutton. It's from the french word for sheep. These fibers look like wool and since sheep are sheered before they're butchered I think that somebody was cooking something here, and it wasn't food. (And with that, CATHERINE turns back to look at ROSS HALPO.) Catherine: "Code red"? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (BRODY JONES sits at the table, rubbing his eyes. WARRICK puts a photo down on the table in front of BRODY JONES.) Warrick: Brody, we have your shoeprint in Linda's blood. We also have a sample of Linda's blood that we found on your t-shirt. Is there anything you'd like to tell us? Brody Jones: Yes. Someone is playing that machine right now and is throwing the entire last 72 hours of calculations out the window. Det. "Sully" Sulik: Did you kill this girl and try to make it look like a suicide? Brody: If anything, I tried to save her. Det. "Sully" Sulik: Save her how? Brody Jones: I went to her place. (Quick flashback to: BRODY JONES opens the apartment door and walks inside. LINDA DAMEN is on the bed.) Brody Jones: (V.O.) Borrowed some money from her. (BRODY gets LINDA'S wallet and removes some money. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brody Jones: I looked in her bedroom. I thought she fell asleep reading. Then I saw blood. (Quick flashback to: BRODY JONES sees the slit wrist and the blood on the bed. He kneels on the bed and grabs her.) Brody Jones: Linda! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brody Jones: Tried to revive her. (Quick flashback to: BRODY JONES climbs on the bed and tries to revive LINDA, unmindful that he's steeping in the blood on the sheets. Still he tries.) Brody Jones: Oh, oh. BRODY JONES: Oh, god! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: But you left her there, dead. Brody Jones: You don't get it. Even as the Son of God, I can only do so much. (SARA sits in the observation room looking through BRODY JONES' notebook.) Warrick: Oh, I get it. You and Linda are kind of on the same page, huh? (pause) Did you stop taking your lithium together? Is that it? Brody Jones: It's not a crime. Warrick: Yeah, you're right. It's not. (WARRICK grabs his things and walks out of the interview room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - OBSERVATION ROOM -- CONTINUOUS] (WARRICK walks into the observation room where SARA is. Behind them, down the hallway, DR. ROBBINS slowly makes his way toward them.) Sara: Bipolar girl meets a bipolar guy. Together, they cut out their medication. She ends up committing suicide. Warrick: It's almost like bipolar boy is too high to even realize what went down. (DR. ROBBINS walks into the observation room.) Sara: Yeah. Hey, Doc. Robbins: I was over here on an exhumation matter. I knew you wanted this. Tox results for Linda Damen. (He hands the folder to WARRICK.) Warrick: Thank you. (ROBBINS leaves. WARRICK opens the folder and looks at the test results.) Warrick: No lithium, just like her parents said. She did have a huge dose of valium, ingested less than an hour before her time of death. Sara: Valium? Warrick: Yeah. Sara: That doesn't make any sense. I mean, that's the last thing a depressed person would take. Warrick: 200 milligrams. That's more than five times the normal dosage. Sara: That much valium. There's no way she could have fought somebody off if they were coming after her with a straight razor. (WARRICK raises his head and looks back into the interview room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB] (CATHERINE walks into the lab.) Catherine: Greg, how's the knife coming with that mysterious smudge on it? Greg: I just got the results. Alcohol, acetate and red dye #58. (GREG hands the results to CATHERINE.) Catherine: Nail polish. Greg: Mm-hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (CATHERINE has a mini-line up inside the interview room. De Breff Bristro's two waitresses, the chef and the hostess hold out their hands for CATHERINE to look at.) Catherine: May I see your nails, please? (One by one, they hold out their hands for CATHERINE to inspect. She stops when she sees that the HOSTESS has on red nail polish.) Catherine: Oh. Well, I'm going to need a sample of that polish. A scraping. (The HOSTESS peels off a single painted nail and holds it out to CATHERINE.) Hostess: Uh, is this small enough? Catherine: Yeah. That'll do. (CATHERINE dismisses the others.) Catherine: Okay, the, uh, three of you can go. Thank you, ladies. (to the HOSTESS) And I've got a table for you. A five top. All by yourself. By the window. Someone will be with you shortly. (CATHERINE walks out of the interview room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- HALLWAY] (DET. "SULLY" SULIK fills SARA and WARRICK in on the info he's found.) Det. "Sully" Sulik: I looked into that prescription at the pharmacy you asked about. Linda Damen, the deceased. Warrick: That was quick. Det. "Sully" Sulik: She doesn't have a prescription for valium. Her mother does -- Jane Damen. 25 milligrams as needed. Sara: I think we better go pay mom a visit. Warrick: Yeah. Thanks, Sully. Det. "Sully" Sulik: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB] (DAVID HODGES brings up something on the computer monitor.) David Hodges: Wools are worsted. 12-ounce weight. Grissom: That's heavy? David Hodges: Light ... weave. Mostly for season spanners. Grissom: We're talking about clothes? David Hodges: Worsted is predominately used in the manufacturing of suits and light overcoats. The finish on this is trademark coating in high-end suits. Grissom: Okay, good. Thanks. (GRISSOM turns to leave. DAVID HODGES stops him.) David Hodges: Mmm. I'm not done. There was also blood present on the burnt wool. Grissom: Did we get a DNA test? David Hodges: It's victim's blood, from your chef. (GRISSOM looks at HODGES.) David Hodges: (continues) I know what you're thinking. Couldn't possibly be his suit. Chefs wear checks and white shirts. But somebody did burn a bloody suit in the restaurant kitchen. A high-end suit. (GRISSOM doesn't say anything. HODGES looks at GRISSOM. After a beat.) David Hodges: (continues) You have a candidate. Grissom: You're the new guy. David Hodges: Yeah. Uh, David Hodges. Transferred from LAPD. (scoffs) They said I had an attitude problem. Said that I thought I was entitled. (GRISSOM turns and leaves the lab.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (CATHERINE walks in with the test results.) Catherine: So that sample I collected matches the polish on this knife. (She puts down on the table both the test results and a photo of the knife. On the photo of the knife is a yellow post it with the following on it.) G.G. Catherine: You handled this knife. Hostess: So? Catherine: Kitchen's first rule: Don't touch my knife; don't touch my Johnson. (CATHERINE sits down at the table.) Catherine: Did you stab the chef? Hostess: Well, this is the sous chef's knife. Catherine: I'm aware of that. (beat) But when a transfer is made on a blade it's usually from slippage. Due to a stabbing motion. (Quick flash to: A knife in a hand making a stabbing motion and the hand slipping on the knife. End of flash. Resume to present.) Hostess: Ar-are you charging me with anything? Catherine: No. But why don't you have a seat out in reception. Things could change. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAMEN RESIDENCE -- DAY] (WARRICK and SARA question JANE DAMEN about the prescription. In the kitchen behind them, JOHN DAMEN rummages through the cabinets.) Warrick: Mrs. Damen, our detective found this prescription in your name for valium. (WARRICK hands a copy of the prescription form to JANE DAMEN. She takes it. It reads: SUNDOWN CLINIC 7545 Castle Banks Rd. Las Vegas, NV 89125 Name: JANE DAMEN Date: 120 ... Address: 187654 St????... City: L.V. 25 mg as needed Valium [signature] MD No. 087654 Warrick: Can you tell us anything about that? (She puts the paper on the counter behind her.) Jane Damen: I take valium on occasion. Yes. Our lives get pretty frenetic just trying to keep up with Linda. Warrick: And you last got a prescription ... this past monday. What does that mean? Sara: The tox report says Linda had five times the normal dose of valium in her system. Because there were no hesitation marks on her wrists it suggests that someone else inflicted the wound. That much valium would've been enough to subdue her. John Damen: Hey, I-I think you're a little out of line here. Jane Damen: I did not drug my daughter. Warrick: May we have your permission to look through the current contents of your prescription? (She sighs.) Jane Damen: Did Linda's boyfriend put you up to this? Because he is not stable. (SARA'S cell phone rings.) Warrick: No. (SARA stands up and moves away to answer it.) Sara: Excuse me. Warrick: We're simply trying to determine ... Sara: (to phone) Hello? INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CSI - DNA LAB] Greg: The blouse from your vic's closet is stained. The substances are biological. High salt content. Sara: Male or female? (SARA listens to GREG'S answer on the phone.) Sara: Thanks, Greg. (SARA hangs up and turns around.) Sara: Mr. And Mrs. Damen, there are five types of tears -- sorrow, regret, joy, fear and allergic reaction. The one thing that they have in common is DNA. We found a blouse in your daughter's closet the night that she died. There was moisture on it. The moisture... was tears. The DNA ... (SARA looks at JOHN DAMEN.) ... was male. (Everyone turns to look at JOHN DAMEN.) Sara: Mr. Damen? Were you waiting in the closet for your daughter? (JOHN DAMEN looks down and doesn't answer.) Warrick: We can get a warrant to test your DNA sample against our sample. Jane Damen: John? John Damen: (stutters) The... The-the only way to get an adult committed for psychological help is if they hurt themselves. Warrick: (quietly) Or someone else. John Damen: Everyone Linda attacked was too afraid to file complaints against her. She was out of hand. She was attacking strangers. She was vandalizing property. She was refusing to take her medication and we were helpless to make her. (Quick flashback to: In LINDA DAMEN'S apartment, she's lying asleep on the bed. JOHN DAMEN lingers over her with the straight edged razor.) John Damen: (V.O.) It was supposed to be a suicide attempt ... (He makes the first cut.) John Damen: but then ... (He turns around as the door handle rattles.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) John Damen: I heard somebody at the door and I ... I-I ... I guess I panicked. (Quick flashback to: In the apartment, JOHN DAMEN hides the razor under the bedsheet and heads for the closet.) John Damen: (V.O.) I hid in the closet. (The closet door opens and closes.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) John Damen: (crying) And, um, she, uh ... when he... (Quick flashback to: Through the closet door blinds, JOHN DAMEN watches as BRODY JONES climbs onto the bed and tries to revive LINDA.) Brody Jones: Linda? Linda?! (Crying, JOHN DAMEN cries and rests his head against the blouse hanging on the hanger.) John Damen: (V.O.) By then it was too late. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) John Damen: (to JANE) I just wanted to get her help. I just wa-- ... (to WARRICK) She needed my help. I just ... (WARRICK turns and signals to the officer standing behind them. The officer puts handcuffs on JOHN DAMEN.) John Damen: (stutters) She, she needed help. (to JANE) Honey, you know ... she-she wouldn't ... (JANE looks at him, stunned by the confession. The officer takes JOHN DAMEN out of the room. JANE DAMEN moves off camera frame.) Warrick: Reminds of what my grandmother said a long time ago. I would never believe her. Sara: What's that? Warrick: Crazy people make even sane people act crazy. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - EVIDENCE ROOM] (GRISSOM sits alone inside the lab with the chef's knife in one hand and a magnifying glass in the other. He shakes the knife. He looks at the knife.) (CATHERINE walks in. GRISSOM shakes the knife again.) Catherine: What'd you find? Grissom: Come here. Do you hear this? (He holds the knife near CATHERINE'S ear and shakes it up and down. A faint rattling sound is heard.) Catherine: How did we miss that in trace? Grissom: I don't know. But I've learned that the evidence room is the quietest place in the lab. (GRISSOM looks at the knife and twists it open. The handle clicks and slides apart. He tilts the knife and empties sand out of the handle.) Catherine: Sand. Right -- for balance and precision. (GRISSOM grabs his magnifying glass and examines the grains of sand on the table.) Grissom: Did you know that to a geologist there's no such thing as sand? Each grain is its own tiny rock. Fine, glassy crystals ... (Camera zooms into the glass for a close up.) ... dark. Obsidian, I bet. (GRISSOM hands the magnifying glass to CATHERINE.) Catherine: Volcanic sand. Long way from home. Grissom: Japanese call it singing sand. If you walk on certain beaches in Japan it'll make a musical sound. Catherine: Never been to Japan, but I've seen this sand before ... on the blood clot. (GRISSOM takes the magnifying glass and looks at the knife hole where he finds some blood.) Grissom: Well. (he chuckles) "Let us carve him as a dish fit for the gods." Catherine: I'm going to guess Shakespeare. Grissom: Julius Caesar. [Note: Julius Caesar, Act II, Scene 1, (Wm. Shakespeare)] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (GRISSOM interviews CHEF ROSS HALPO.) Grissom: That's your knife. (He puts a photo on the table in front of the chef.) Grissom: This is the owner's log. (GRISSOM opens the log book and reads.) Grissom: "The sous chef gets 89% of the meat off of trout filet -- six percent better than any chef on the line." (GRISSOM looks at ROSS HALPO) Grissom: I don't think you killed the chef. (beat) You did fillet him, though. (Quick flashback to: ROSS HALPO is busy working, his hands bloodied.) Grissom: (V.O.) Your knife handle slid open... (Cut to: The blood and sand slides down the floor drain.) Grissom: (V.O.) ...sand went down the drain landing on the victim's clotted blood. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: It's hard work, carving up a man. I believe that's how you broke your knife handle. (ROSS HALPO looks at GRISSOM and doesn't say anything.) Grissom: But you didn't do this alone, did you? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (CATHERINE is interviewing LES DUTTON, the De Breff Bistro OWNER.) Catherine: A murdered chef in your kitchen. Kiss of death for a restaurant. (Quick flashback to: LES DUTTON is in the back kitchen standing next to ROSS HALPO and pointing to the body on the ground in front of them.) Les Dutton: (to ROSS HALPO) We'll never get our customers back. How am I going to get a body out of here? Ross Halpo: I do for you, you do for me. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Code red, in fact -- protect the kitchen. (Quick flashback to: ROSS HALPO and LES DUTTON are in the back while ROSS cuts the body up. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Some people say that the most important part of preparing a meal is the cleanup. (Quick flashback to: ROSS HALPO is covered with blood.) Catherine: (V.O.) While the fillet man disposed of the chef parts you got rid of your bloody woolen suit. (Cut to: LES DUTTON takes off his coat. Cut to: The wool suit burns on the grill. The woolen particles get trapped in the fan above.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- HALLWAY] (GRISSOM meets BRASS outside in the hallway.) Brass: How's it going? Grissom: Well, he's not denying anything. He's not admitting anything, either. (BRASS sighs.) Brass: Yeah. Same as the other two here. They need a little nudge. Grissom: Such as? Brass: While they're in our custody shall we try a little theater? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- CONTINUOUS] (BRASS walks into the interview room and whispers into CATHERINE'S ear. She nods her head as she listens. He glances periodically at LES DUTTON, who watches them nervously.) (BRASS walks over to LES DUTTON.) Brass: Let's go for a walk. (LES DUTTON sighs.) Brass: Hey, relax. You'll be with a friend. (He stands up and BRASS escorts him out of the room.) Brass: Cuff him up. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS] [CAMERA SLOW MOTION] (CHEF ROSS HALPO in handcuffs is being escorted down the hallway by an officer. LES DUTTON, also in handcuffs meets up with him and is escorted down the hallway behind him by another officer and BRASS.) (They walk slowly by the waiting room where THE HOSTESS stands. The HOSTESS looks at ROSS HALPO. ROSS HALPO glances back at LES DUTTON behind him. LES DUTTON also glances up and looks at THE HOSTESS. She watches the men walk by.) (GRISSOM leans casually against the far wall and notices her reaction.) (The two men are lead out of the hallway.) (GRISSOM walks up to the HOSTESS.) Grissom: Why did you kill him? Hostess: I-I went into the walk-in to, to get some lemons. (Quick flashback to: In the back room storage walk-in, CHEFS PETROV SAMSKO and LOLA CREIGHTON are making out. THE HOSTESS walks in and sees them.) Petrov Samsko: (moans) Oh, yeah ... (She turns around and heads out the door. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Hostess: He played around all the time -- waitresses, patrons ... nobodies. (CATHERINE walks into the room.) Hostess: But ... she was different. (beat) She was a chef. (She says it as if it means something.) Grissom: What does that mean? Hostess: Well, I can't make toast, um ... where did I stand? (Quick flashback to: THE HOSTESS walks out of the walk in and toward CHEF PETROV SAMSKO. He turns around and smiles at her.) Petrov Samsko: Hey, beautiful, I haven't seen you all night. (The HOSTESS doesn't take her gaze off of him. She walks up to him.) Hostess: Well, I've seen you. (He scoffs and turns around to walk away. She reaches him and we hear the sound of a knife. She stabs him in the back and he goes down.) (She, along with everyone else in the kitchen, watches as PETROV SAMSKO falls to the floor.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (GRISSOM stares at THE HOSTESS. He turns and looks at CATHERINE who also stares at THE HOSTESS in disbelief. The HOSTESS stares back at them as if it makes all the sense in the world to her.) Grissom: Officer, would you take her to booking, please? (The officer puts handcuffs on THE HOSTESS and leads her out of the room.) Catherine: (sighs) All in a day's work. Grissom: Yeah. [beat] Grissom: You up for dinner?

Grissom and Catherine investigate when the chef of a fancy restaurant ends up in a meat grinder . They soon discover a lot more went on in the kitchen than cooking. Meanwhile Sara and Warrick find out that the apparent suicide of a young woman who suffered from bipolar disorder is actually a murder.

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fd_Bones_05x08_0

TEASER (A quiet neighborhood) (The camera focuses on all the "For Sale" signs in front of each house. It pans over to a house. We go inside and the realtor is showing a couple around) KATIE SELNICK: It's a buyer's market so this place is a steel. The owner's wife died so he's motivated. I'd be surprised if another agent doesn't already have an offer. WOMAN: Mmm, what's that smell? (Katie leads the couple through a hallway and up the stairs) KATIE: It's probably the neighbors. I hear they love to barbeque. It's a very friendly neighborhood. (After reaching the upstairs hallway) Now the master bedroom has been beautifully redone with coffered ceilings and all new carpeting. If you ask me, it's to die for. (Katie leads the couple into the bedroom. They're smiles drop immediately and the camera pans over to the bed. On it is a pile of ash with a foot still in tact and ash in the shape of a hand.) KATIE: I'm sorry, he was supposed to clean up. MAN: That's a foot. WOMAN: Oh my god! (She runs from the room screaming and hitting the door. The vibrations from the smack make the ash attached to the foot fall apart. Her husband follows) KATIE: (sighing in anger) Crap! (She stares at the bed for a moment, then shakes her head and leaves the room) (The Royal Diner) (Sweets, Bones and Booth are all eating breakfast at a table) SWEETS: (to Booth) I thought your grandfather lived in a nursing home. BOOTH: It's a retirement community. It's not a prison. He can leave anytime that he wants. BRENNAN: I think it's nice that he wants to stay with you for awhile. SWEETS: Did something happen...in the nursing home? BOOTH: You know what? If I tell you, you're just going to read into it and all sorts of stuff. BRENNAN: I won't BOOTH: He slugged a nurse. (Brennan raises her eyebrows) A male nurse. SWEETS: Okay...Well actually that's pretty straightforward. Hostel, aggressive, anti-social behavior is... BOOTH: (Interrupting) Sweets, he wanted to smoke a cigar in his room. SWEETS: Cigar? That's interesting. BOOTH: No it's not. He's a tough guy, that's all. MAN'S VOICE: Hey Shrimp! (We see it's an older gentleman who has entered the diner with a suitcase. He calls out again.) Shrimp! BOOTH: Hey, Pops. (It's Booth's grandfather.) How you doing? (Booth stands to greet his grandfather as his grandfather wheels his suitcase towards Booth) SWEETS: Shrimp? BRENNAN: I imagine Booth used to be shorter. SWEETS: Oh. BOOTH: Ahah, Pops. Bring it over. (They hug) How you doing? (They do a special handshake) Come on over. HANK: Nice place! The tour come with the food or do you have to order it on the side? BOOTH: (laughing) This here's Dr. Temperance Brennan. BRENNAN: (Shaking his grandfather's hand) Very nice to meet you, Mr. Booth. HANK: Wow...you weren't kidding. (He kisses Brennan's hand and Booth looks uncomfortable) BRENNAN: What did you tell him? BOOTH: Nothing. You can give her hand back now. HANK: Right. You can call me Hank, sweetheart. BRENNAN: Okay, Hank. SWEETS: Hi HANK: And who's this, a friend of Parker's? (Brennan laughs, Sweets smiles, embarrassed) BOOTH: No, this here's Dr. Sweets. HANK: A doctor? (shaking his head) I don't think so. BOOTH: No. It is. BRENNAN: It's true. HANK: Where'd you get your M.D.? In a CrackerJack box? (They all laugh a little awkwardly, then sit down.) HANK: So...what do you got in store? I'm ready for some action. BOOTH: You know, I'd figure we play some dominoes and after that maybe go (Booth's phone rings, interrupting him. He reaches inside is jacket pocket for it) I'm sorry. Excuse me. Sorry, Pops. (He answers it) Booth. Yeah, okay. On our way. (he hangs up and looks to Brennan) Got a case. (He stands) HANK: (standing as well) Good! I can help. I was an M.P. you know. BOOTH: No you can't come, Pops. And tell you what, why don't you meet me back at the apartment? HANK: (disappointed) Alright. I'll call a cab. BOOTH: No. Uh Sweets here. He'll give you a ride. Ok, Pops? BRENNAN (leaning over to shake Hank's hand once more) It was nice to meet you, Hank. SWEETS: Sure. BOOTH: I'll see you, Pops. (Booth and Hank do a fist bump and then Booth turns to leave with Brennan) SWEETS: Uh...so shall we go? HANK: You got room on your bicycle for my bag? SWEETS: Ha. (The quiet neighborhood) (FBI people are canvassing the area. Booth and Brennan step out of Booth's car) BRENNAN: Are you sure you can handle him? You know he must have been in a nursing home for a reason. BOOTH: Oh Pops, he had triple bypass surgery about, oh I'd say, three months ago. You know, he didn't want to be on his own. You know, hey, if he wants to be with me now that's cool. BRENNAN: But what if he wants to make it permanent? BOOTH: He's family, Bones. Okay. Nothing trumps family. Just remember that, okay? (They approach the house and Booth flashes his badge) BOOTH: (to the cop) Alright, let's go. Open up. After you Bones. BRENNAN: Thank you. (They both enter the house, Brennan first) (The home's entryway) (Katie Selnick and a the homeowner, Howard Fileman, approach Booth and Brennan) HOWARD This wouldn't have happened if I'd been here. She told me to move out. Said the place would look better. KATIE: Let me handle this. (turning to Booth and Brennan) Hi, I'm Katie Selnick. I'm the real estate agent. This is Howard Fileman, he's the owner of the house. (She hands Booth and Brennan her business card) I know this is a really bad time, but it is a buyer's market so... BOOTH: (interrupting) Woah. Show a little compassion, alright? (He follows Brennan who's already left to go look at the body) (Upstairs) (Brennan and Booth enter from the stairs and walk into the master bedroom where the body was found) BOOTH: I need a list of everyone who had access to the house. That means real estate agents, that means clients. KATIE: Well that's an awfully long list. BOOTH: Well you better start getting to work there, Katie. Here you go. (He hands her his card and then motions for her and Howard to not enter the room) Please stay there, thank you. (seeing the body) Woah. BRENNAN: Whoever this was burned to ash overnight. BOOTH: (pushing back Katie and Howard who are leering in the doorway) Can we have some space, please? Back up. So...nothing else burned? BRENNAN: (shaking her head) Nothing else. (Brennan stares hard at the body, specifivally the ash hand and the pile of what looks like blood at the base of the bed. Booth sees a partly eaten chocolate cake with a single candle and moves towards it.) BOOTH: Maybe it was the candle (His movement causes the ash pinky to disintegrate) here in the cake. BRENNAN: (yelling) STOP! (Booth stops, and Katie and Howard have leaned in the door also stop) Everyone freeze! This hand is very fragile, especially the phalanges. Any motion may cause the rest of it to just fall apart. BOOTH: (still frozen and speaking without moving his lips) Okay. We're frozen now, Bones. What can I do? BRENNAN: I need some kind of spray adhesive. Like hairspray. (Brennan looks at Katie) She must have some) BOOTH: (turning towards the door) I'll go get some. (Before he can take a step, Brennan interrupts) BRENNAN: Uh...It would be best if you didn't lift your feet when you moved. BOOTH: Yes. (He then begins to shuffle towards Katie in the doorway. She hands him her hairspray) BRENNAN: Careful. BOOTH: (turning and shuffling towards Brennan and the bed) Yeah. (He hands her the bottle) BRENNAN: (opening the can) There appear to be wounds on this hand but we won't know what weapon caused them if I don't stabilize the ash. (She sprays the hand) BOOTH: Okay, can I move now? BRENNAN: Gently. BOOTH: Right. So what are we talking about here? Spontaneous combustion? BRENNAN: There's no such thing. BOOTH: Come on, Bones. Electrical currents in your body. They start sparking and then before you know it, WOOSH! Flame on. BRENNAN: Well that's absurd, Booth BOOTH: Oh really? Then what happened? BRENNAN: (looking at the body, completely puzzled) I have...absolutely no idea. BOOTH: (knowing he's won) Exactly. Spontaneous combustion. OPENING CREDITS (Medico-Legal Lab: Platform) (The bed with the body has been transported, including frame, to the Jeffersonian. Clark and Brennan are inspecting it. Hodgins enters) HODGINS: I think Booth was on to something. BRENNAN: What? Spontaneous combustion? HODGINS: (pulling up pictures on the computer) Well, the so-called instances of spontaneous combustion can actually be explained by a phenomenon known as the wick effect. (Clark looks up) Okay, here's the classic example. Heavyset guy, passes out from booze holding a lit cigarette. He drops the cigarette onto his pajamas. PWHOO! The fire melts his belly fat. BRENNAN: The fat soaks into the bedding creating what is essentially a slow burning human candle. The pajamas being the wick. HODGINS: Fat burns in, not out which explains why nothing else caught on fire. BRENNAN: Based on the position of the body, the victim was either unconscious or dead when the fire started. CLARK: People who die in a fire show signs of motion, you know, trying to get away from the flames. This person never moved. (Brennan nods) CAM: (entering the platform with a folder) Tox screen from the tissue on the foot showed no signs of drugs or alcohol. HODGINS: So then the victim was killed before the fire even started. (Cam nods) So you, uh, met Booth's grandad? BRENNAN: Yes, I think Booth wants him to move in. HODGINS: Wow, that's a big step. CAM: Hank raised Booth after his father left. Seeley would do anything for him. CLARK: Booth is a good man. HODGINS: Well, well. Showing a little interest in the personal lives of your co-workers there, Clark? CLARK: No. I just meant that...Well, I had a grandparent who lived with us when I was young. (turning to Hodgins) And yes, I am. Too often we don't appreciate the elderly until they're gone. (Cam nods) I just find Agent Booth's actions to be commendable...(quieter) and moving. HODGINS: (confused) You're moved? CLARK: Yes. I'm moved. (Brennan looks at him) And now I'm not. (Hodgins and Cam smirk at each other) CLARK: (pointing at foot) Based on the markers, I'd say we're looking at a female. BRENNAN: (looking as well) The victim had Haglund's deformity. Very good, Dr. Edison HODGINS: (stepping towards the foot) Haglund's deformity? CLARK: It's a bony enlargement on the heel that's caused by wearing ill-fitting high-heeled shoes. (Brennan pulls up the X-Ray of the foot on the computer) BRENNAN: Judging by the microfractures and remodeling to the tarsus and metatarsus, the victim also had plantar fasciitis CAM: There were also elevated levels of leptin in the tox screen. BRENNAN: Taken together, that means the victim was probably obese. CLARK: So we have to ID a pile of ash based on only the fact that it's a...fat lady. BRENNAN: It's quite a challenge, I agree. HODGINS: This orange goo looks like melted polymers. Can I grab a sample here? BRENNAN: Just be careful of bone fragments. CLARK: So what does he call his grandfather? BRENNAN: Uh, "Pops." CLARK: (smiling) I called mine "Gramps." (A park) (Hank is sitting on a bench while a police officer is on the phone) POLICE OFFICER: Agent Booth? This is Officer David Poe, third district. Sorry to disturb you, sir. (Booth's Office) BOOTH: What's up, Officer Poe? POE: (through phone) Well, I'm here with your grandfather, sir. BOOTH: Excuse me? HANK: (through phone) I'm fine... (A park) HANK: ...Seeley. This cop just pinched me for nothing. POE: We're in Tacoma Park. I think he could use a ride home. (Booth's Office) BOOTH: Well...uh...uh...is he hurt? Is he okay? (A park) POE: He was a little confused and disoriented. HANK: (grabbing the phone from Poe) Wait a minute. Seeley, I'm fine. I just took a... (Booth's Office) HANK: (through phone) ...subway to see my friend, Willy Louis. I mentioned him to you? (A park) HANK: We were in the 82nd together. (Booth's Office) BOOTH: Yeah, I remember, Pops. (A park) HANK: Well the son of a bitch up and died on me. They had the funeral three weeks ago. Nobody even told me. I took a walk to clear my head and uh...well I got turned around. (Booth's Office) BOOTH: Listen, Pops. I'm just..I'm coming to get you. Okay? (A park) HANK: You're working. (Booth's Office) BOOTH: (exiting his office) That's okay. It's okay, Pop. Just uh...put me back on with the cop. (A park) HANK: (handing the phone back to Poe) Here. (The Office area outside Booth's office) BOOTH: Hi. (he looks up and sees Katie approach him) Oh, Ms. Selnick. (to Poe) Hold on. KATIE: (following Booth toward the elevators. she hands him a paper) I have a list of some of the people who had access to the house. BOOTH: Some? KATIE: I'll...I'll get more but I was showing a house. The market is horrible. I haven't made a sale in... BOOTH: (holding his hand up to interrupt) A woman is dead, Ms. Selnick. That doesn't bother you at all? KATIE: I know it should. My therapist says I'm afraid to feel. BOOTH: (getting into the elevator) You know, you should really be afraid of going to jail for obstructing a murder investigation. I want those names by tomorrow. Tomorrow. (putting the phone back to his ear) I'm on my way, Officer. (Back to Katie) Tomorrow. (Medico-Legal Lab: Angela's Office) (The solidified ash hand is on a rotating pedestal getting scanned by the computer) BRENNAN: The wounds appear to be defensive but this section of hand is too fragile to take a mold. ANGELA: I'm making a 3D rendering which is essentially a virtual mold. (the 3D image appears on the monitor) Hey, Booth must be cute with his grandfather, huh? BRENNAN: His grandfather calls him "Shrimp." Booth seems to like it which I don't understand. ANGELA: Well cause it makes him feel loved. Like when he actually was a shrimp. BRENNAN: So the moniker is a sign of affection. ANGELA: Very good, Brennan. You never had a nickname? BRENNAN: Oh, no. Just what Booth calls me. Just...just "Bones." HODGINS: (entering) The orange glob of goo. Polyethylene terephthalate. (Angela looks had him confused) Right. It's polyester. It's the perfect wick. She had to have been wearing it when she was lit. ANGELA: Hey let me see that. HODGINS: (handing Angela the tray with the sample) Not enough residue for it to be a coat or pajamas or anything. ANGELA: What about a vest? HODGINS: Yeah, I mean could be. ANGELA: Hmm. I think I know this color. (grabbing her monitor tablet and scanning the sample) The computer can match the exact shade of color for us. (bringing up the color wheel on the monitor) This is the Palatone color wheel. When a corporation wants to standardize their logo, they have Palatone create a color for them. This particular shade of orange is known as "PriceCo. Blossom Orange" This is the color of the vests the employees wear. HODGINS: The victim worked at PriceCo. BRENNAN: (starting to leave) I'll tell Booth. (she exits) (Booth's car) (Booth is driving and Hank is in the passenger seat) BOOTH: I just got to make one stop. Okay, Pops? HANK: This about the murder? BOOTH: Yeah. It's not going to take long. You sure you're alright? HANK: Stop asking me that. You never got lost? Just because I'm maturing, people think I'm going senile. BOOTH: Alright, alright. Okay. Just asking. HANK: You remember when I taught you how to pitch? You thought I was too old then, too. BOOTH: I'll tell you. You had the best sinker I ever saw. I can never get that one right. HANK: Your fastball could smoke mine. BOOTH: (smiling) I'm glad you're here, Pops. HANK: Yeah, well...And don't worry...if you ever need a little privacy with the bone doctor, I'll make myself scarce. BOOTH: Ok, thanks. But there's nothing going on between us. HANK: You gay? BOOTH: What? (confused) No. HANK: She's a keeper. You should listen to me. I warned you about Rebecca being a waste of time. Didn't I? BOOTH: C'mon, Pops. I can take care of my own love life. HANK: I don't think so. (Booth nods and continues driving) (PriceCo.) (Booth and Hank are entering the store) HANK: Well I got to get a book light. Now, I won't get in your way. BOOTH: Alright. Listen, Pops. Do me a favor. Why don't you just...just stand right in the entrance. Underneath this big sign, alright? Cause I got to go find the manager. HANK: Well go! Keep America safe. BOOTH: Don't wander off. Stay right here. (Booth heads off to find the manager. Hank paces in a circle. A woman approaches) WOMAN: Excuse me. Um, where would I find electrical tape? HANK: (thinking about it) Let's see... I think... (looking down the aisles) I think I can help you find it. This way. (he guides her away from the entrance) (Electrical section of PriceCo.) (Booth is speaking with the manager) MANAGER: Meg Tracy's been AWOL since Tuesday. Never called. Not like her. BOOTH: Would you happen to have an employee photo? MANAGER: Sure. Did she do something? Because I don't want to get dragged into anything. BOOTH: No. We're just concerned something may have happened to her. That's all. MANAGER: Maybe you heard complaints about me. But its from those slackers and deadbeats who don't do their job. I keep my nose clean. BOOTH: The photo... MANAGER: I'll get her whole file. Just leave me out of it. (Hank, now wearing a orange work vest approaches the electrical section, this time with a different customer) HANK: Kitchen and Bath. Right down there. CUSTOMER: Thank you. (Booth sees Hank and stops him) BOOTH: Pops, what are you doing? You don't work here. Why are you wearing that vest? HANK: Well three people told me I was a good greeter so I got a vest. BOOTH: Okay Pops. We got to go. Let's go. Take the vest off. HANK: My shift's not over. BOOTH: No. You're not on a shift. (the manager approaches) Will you just... MANAGER: You think this is the break room? Because I will fire you. BOOTH: Slow down, okay. This here's my grandfather, alright? He's just a big fan of the store, that's all. (Taking off Hank's vest) He's always wanted to work here, but not today. (Handing her the vest and taking the file) We got to get this file back to Bones, okay. Thanks. MANAGER: Mmmhmm. HANK: I quit. BOOTH: Yeah, he quits. C'mon. (Booth leads Hank toward the entrance. They pass a customer asking an employee a question) CUSTOMER: Where would I find fertilizer for azaleas? HANK: (before the employee can respond) Aisle 4. (Medico-Legal Lab: Platform) (Brennan, Clark and Cam bring up the picture of Meg Tracy on the computer. She is not obese.) CAM: This woman's a size 4, tops. BRENNAN: Well she must have recently lost a significant amount of weight. CLARK: Her doctor confirmed that she had been treated for both the microfractures we found on the foot and the Haglund's deformity. BRENNAN: But on her last visit with him she weighed 234 pounds. CLARK: Baby had back. (Cam looks puzzled. Brennan looks at Clark. Clark looks back at the monitor awkwardly) Sorry. I don't know where that came from. (He then pulls up X-rays of the victim's foot) The doctor's x-rays of the foot match ours. It's Meg Tracy. CAM: If Meg was thin, why so much ash? BRENNAN: Because there was someone else in bed with Meg. Two people died in that fire. CAM: So now we're looking at a double murder. (Medico-Legal Lab: Platform) (Bone fragments and ash taken are dispersed in various bins on one of the examining tables. Clark places down a final bin of ash) CLARK: Given the amount of ash and bone, these remains represent approximately 380 pounds of human. CAM: (standing next to Clark. Angela is on the other side of the table) We know that Meg Tracy weighed about 120 which puts our second victim at 260. CLARK: (picking up a fragment and looking at it through a magnifying glass) It's part of the middle eminence. Judging by the angle of the jaw fragment, the second victim was male. HODGINS: (on another table examining a piece of the bed spring) A super-size male. CAM: So the cake on the table was probably his. ANGELA: I still don't have nearly enough to give you a face. HODGINS: And I'm still working on these inorganics. CLARK: I'll separate the male and female bone fragments. See if they share any injuries. (The Founding Fathers) (Booth, Brennan and Hank are eating lunch. Hank has multiple pill bottles in front of him and is looking at one.) BRENNAN: We're still assembling evidence analyzing the bones and constructing 3D imagery. HANK: They got lighter fluid and Presto logs over at PriceCo. They could burn somebody up. BRENNAN: There's no evidence of an accelerant. HANK: Yet. That manager over there that yelled at me. I saw the look in her eyes. I was an M.P. you know. BOOTH: Pops, this is a little bit more complicated than, you know, arresting some drunk soldiers that just wandered off the base. HANK: I don't think so. (looking down at the bottle in his hand) Did I take these blue pills? BOOTH: You took the yellow pills. HANK: (slamming the bottle on the table, clearly frustrated) I feel like a damn chemistry experiment. They didn't have this stuff 50 years ago and everybody was fine. BRENNAN: Actually medicine has increased life expectancy quite a bit since 1959. 50 years ago, you'd probably be dead. BOOTH: Bones. HANK: No, I like her. She's real. She's got balls. BRENNAN; Well, ovaries actually. HANK: Well alright. You got a pair of steel ovaries. BRENNAN: Thank you. BOOTH: Will you two, please? HANK: Always so proper...will you loosen up? BRENNAN: He's quite skittish when the subject of s*x comes up. BOOTH: No I'm not. HANK: Maybe I didn't give him enough information when he was a kid. (Booth's phone rings. He answers) BOOTH: Booth. Oh. Yeah. I'll come in right now. Alright. (he hangs up) BRENNAN: What's going on? BOOTH: (standing) They brought in Meg Tracy's roommate for questioning. I should go talk to her. Look, I'm sorry, Pops. HANK: Go! We'll play dominoes later. You'll lose. BOOTH: (exiting) You wish. HANK: I love that kid. I'm more proud of him than anybody in the world. BRENNAN: I think he feels the same way. He had no one else when his father walked out. He was lucky to have you. HANK: (sighs) I never had the nerve to tell him it was my fault. BRENNAN: What was? HANK: If I was a better man, maybe I could have figured something else out. But when I saw my son hitting Seeley...beating that little kid...that was it. I said, "Get out. You don't deserve to be a father. Get out." He never came back. So I...I was left with the two boys. BRENNAN: You are a good man, Hank. HANK: I didn't know what else to do. He was beating my grandson. (Brennan grabs Hank's hand) Look, when the time is right, you'll tell him. And if he uh...if he needs it...you'll hold him. Okay? BRENNAN: (nodding) Okay. (Hank sighs) (Booth's Office) (Meg Tracy's roommate, Stephanie, is sitting in a chair, she is overweight. Booth is standing behind his desk leaning against the file cabinets) STEPHANIE: I wondered why Meg hadn't come back to the apartment. I tried to call. You're sure it's Meg? BOOTH: Yeah, I'm afraid so. How long have you guys been roommates? STEPHANIE: Three years. We were weight loss buddies. This year the loser paid for the other one to go to Hawaii. Incentive, you know. I lost, obviously. BOOTH: So yo paid for Meg's trip? STEPHANIE: Meg lost over a 100 pounds. I lost 6. How did she die? BOOTH: Well, we're still working on cause of death. You know, she was with a man. (sitting) Do you happen to know, uh, who Meg was dating? STEPHANIE: No one special. I would have known. She used to meet different guys at Club Jiggle. BOOTH: Club Jiggle? STEPHANIE: For thin people who...let's say they appreciate people my size. I went myself a couple times but it was too freaky. These skinny guys saying they wanted to fondle my cankles and eat brisket out of my navel. It skeeved me out. BOOTH: Brisket? (Stephanie nods.) Right that's a whole...a whole 'nother world, I guess. Um, can you verify where you were the night of the 10th? STEPHANIE: There was a big house party. I was there until after 2am. BOOTH: (taking out a pad and pen from his desk and bringing it to her) Um, can you do me a favor and just, um, write down the names of people who could verify they saw you at the party? STEPHANIE: (taking the pen and pad suspiciously) Am I a suspect? (Medico-Legal Lab: Angela's Office) (Hodgins, Angela, Clark and Cam are standing in front of the giant monitor) CAM: You can get the second victim's height from bone fragments? CLARK: Once objected to intense heat, the long bones warp, crack and contract in predictable ways. ANGELA: Based on the figures that Clark gave me, I was able to partially reconstruct a male fibula. CLARK: The amount of bone shrinkage from heat exposure was about 20%. HODGINS: Which allows you to calculate height. That's brilliant. (Angela is visually reconstructing all that is said on her monitor) CAM: We know that our victim was approximately 260 pounds. ANGELA: Yeah, but based on the fibula, he was 5'5". CAM: 5'5", 260. That's a start. I'll tell Booth. (she exits) (Sweets' Office) (Brennan and Booth are on the couch, Sweets in his chair) SWEETS: Meg may have been participating in a feeder and eater fetish. BOOTH: Her roommate said that the guys at the club wanted to eat brisket out of her...navel. SWEETS: Okay, that would make sense. BRENNAN: Fetishes are common in all sexually repressed societies like ours. SWEETS: Yeah, feeders and eaters are a sub-category of fat fetishism that involves an obese person, or an eater, and a feeder that derives sexual pleasure out of gaining and fondling of body fat. BOOTH: That would explain the uh..the cake next to the bed. Which I'm probably never gonna want to eat again. BRENNAN: Hank said you love cake: BOOTH: I usually do. Wait, are we staying on point here? BRENNAN: Well, we were discussing cake, weren't we? Oh, he's making you grilled cheese tonight by the way. BOOTH: Really? BRENNAN: Yes. I'm invited. SWEETS: How's it going with your grandfather? I know it can be very stressful to be responsible for someone who is elderly. BOOTH: It's fine. BRENNAN: Well he does take a lot of medication so he has health issues. You have to stay on top of that. BOOTH: Well he took care of me when I was sick. I can take care of him. SWEETS: It's not going to be easy for him to build a new life here at his age. And he's got a history of aggressive behavior, right? If he ever wants to talk, I'd be more than happy... BOOTH: (interrupting) ...sorry we were talking about murder here, right? Meg Tracy...fondling of fat. SWEETS: Of course. BOOTH: So why would Meg go back to the club if she wasn't fat anymore? SWEETS: Meg lived for many years as an obese woman. Her obsession with food is not something that would just go away. She would have to struggle with it everyday. BOOTH: Right. So you're saying she missed overeating so much that she fed other people in order to feed herself? SWEETS: Yes, exactly BRENNAN: So the eater became a feeder. And somehow it got her killed. (Sweets nods) (Booth's Apartment) (Hank is in the kitchen cooking. Brennan and Booth are eating grilled cheese in teh living room) BOOTH: I had these about three times a week. They're amazing, right? BRENNAN: Mmmhmm. Very good. HANK: I learned how to make these during the Battle of Inchon. American Cheese reminded us of home. We kept fighting. (he places another plate of sandwiches down) BOOTH: Come on, Bones. Dig in. This is real food here. BRENNAN: Mm. We should get to the club, Booth. (she stands and heads for the door) BOOTH: (standing and still chewing) Bones is right. We got a lot of people to interrogate, Pops. HANK: Oh, sure. BOOTH: (pointing to the food) Amazin. HANK: What channel's the fishing channel on? BOOTH: 135 BRENNAN: (coming from the kitchen with one of Hank's pill bottles) You're out of your coumadin Hank. HANK: Ahh, I forgot. So many pills. BRENNAN: These pills are important. (Booth comes over with his jacket on looking very concerned) If you forget to take them you get clots, have a heart attack, or stroke. HANK: (shaking his head) I don't think so. BOOTH: Pops, when was the last time you took them. HANK: Uhh...a few days ago. BRENNAN: We have to go get this refilled. He should take them right away. HANK: (looking to Booth) I'm fine. BOOTH: No no. You're coming with us. Okay Pops? I'm going to make sure you take them in front of me. Alright? Come on. (Medico Legal-Lab: Angela's Office) (Cam and Angela are looking at the 3D rendering of the hand) ANGELA: The center of the palm has some kind of injury. Brennan suspects it's defensive. CAM: There was a cake next to them. Could the injury be caused by a knife? ANGELA: No. It's not a knife. See the markings are jagged. No, it doesn't indicate any recognizable weapon. By filling in the injury I can make a virtual mold of the injured area. CAM: It's a nose. ANGELA: (laughing) Killed by a nose? That'd be a first. I'll see if I can match any possible weapons. Maybe something old. (Booth's Car) (Booth is driving, Brennan is in the passenger seat and Hank is riding in the middle seat in the back) BOOTH: So you took it Pops, you took the pill? HANK: I took it. You saw me. BRENNAN: I got you a pill box that has a compartment for each day's pills. That way you won't forget. HANK: I won't forget. So where're we going? BOOTH: Well...we're going to a...(looking to Brennan to find a better description) it's an unusual spot. It's where...what would be the PC word for fat? HANK: There's nothing wrong with big women. You're grandma has some jam in her jelly. BOOTH: Alright, Pops. BRENNAN: Being overweight wasn't always stigmitized. During the Middle Ages in Italy, the wealthy and influential members of society were called "popolo grasso," meaning literally "fat people." HANK: Is she always like this? BOOTH: You know what, Pops? She always has the facts, Pops. Always. HANK: You should go on a game show. You'd clean up. BOOTH: I tell her that all the time. But you know...she's already loaded. HANK: She's got talent, charm, beauty, money. And you're just friends? (Brennan and Booth both look back at Hank) I didn't raise you very well. (Brennan and Booth look at each other, then look away at the same time) [SCENE_BREAK] (Club Jiggle) ("Baby Got Back" is playing in the background. Overweight women are dancing with skinny men. Some men are feeding the women. Brennan and Booth are observing the room. Hank is standing in front of them, staring) HANK: Freaky. BOOTH: Hey look, Pops. I want you to stick close. I don't want you disappearing into one of those women. BRENNAN: They seem quite happy. Obviously they haven't seen their blood sugar levels. (A large woman pops up from the table in front of them) WOMAN: Hey baby. You're not with the celery stick, are you? BOOTH: No...I mean yes, yeah. (he puts his arm around Brennan and pulls her closer) BRENNAN: My body mass index is within the accepted medical norms. WOMAN: You don't know what you're missing. (she winks at Booth) BOOTH: Hey listen, Pops. We're going to go talk to the bartender. You going to be okay? (Hank is staring at the woman and not paying attention. Booth snaps him out of it) Pops? HANK: Will you stop asking me that? BOOTH: Alright, come on. (Booth leads Brennan over to the bar. Hank looks back at the women dancing. He sways to a couple beats) (Club Jiggle: At the bar) (The bartender sees Booth and Brennan approach. Booth flashes his badge) BARTENDER: Is there a problem? BOOTH: I just want to ask you a few questions. (he takes out a picture of Meg) Do you recognize this girl? BARTENDER: (looking at the picture) Yeah. Meg. She's been coming here for years. She just lost a bunch of weight. I guess she switched sides. BRENNAN: Did you ever see her with a man, approximately 5'5", 260 pounds? BARTENDER: Is Meg alright? BOOTH: She's dead. (the bartender looks shocked) That might help jog your memory a little bit. BARTENDER: Oh, man. Yeah, sure. Let's see. There was one guy. (she pauses. Brennan and Booth wait for more) BRENNAN: Yes? BARTENDER: Glasses? BOOTH: I don't know. You tell us. BARTENDER: Big, of course. Short. Meg bought him a bacon burger and some cake. The guy loved cake. Just like Meg used to. She must have fed him...six pieces. Devil's Food. BOOTH: Great, great. Do you got a name? BARTENDER: Sorry. Did he kill her? BOOTH: He's dead too. (the bartender makes a disgusted face) Yeah. BARTENDER: He had a goatee...Oh wait. Hugo. She called him Hugo. BOOTH: Hugo? Great, thank you. BARTENDER: Sure. Sorry about Meg. (Club Jiggle) (Brennan and Booth come back into the dance section of the club) BRENNAN: We should see if there are any Hugo's on the real estate agent's list. BOOTH: Yeah, well she hasn't given me the list yet. BRENNAN: Well maybe she had a reason not to. BOOTH: That's exactly what I was thinking. (he looks towards the dance floor) Look at that, huh? (Hank is dancing with a couple of women, clearly enjoying himself. Brennan laughs) BRENNAN: They like him. BOOTH: Yeah, well you know? He never had any problems with the ladies. (Hank whispers something in one woman's ear and she laughs quite loudly. Brennan looks concerned) BRENNAN: We should get him home. BOOTH: Nah, let's just give him a second there, huh? He's having a good time. No rush. (Booth continues to watch Hank dance and likes that Hank is having a good time. Brennan observes this and smiles) (FBI Building: Conference Room) (Katie and Howard are sitting at the table when Booth and Brennan walk in) BOOTH: Mr. Fileman. I didn't expect to see you here. HOWARD: Katie said she was going to see you and suggested I come along. BOOTH: Did you bring the list of people who had access to the house? KATIE: (handing a paper to Booth) Yes I did. BOOTH: Right, then what's he doing here. KATIE: He can't sell his house as long as it's a crime scene. BRENNAN: Neither can you. KATIE: That was nasty. BOOTH: But it's true. HOWARD: Look the bank is threatening to foreclose like, you know, this is my fault. I can't lose my house before I have a chance to sell. Katie said you could help. (Booth looks to Katie. She looks down.) BOOTH: I'm sorry but it's an active crime scene. HOWARD: My wife and I built that house together. After she died I couldn't get any work. 21 years as a master carpenter, you know? Means nothing. How is that fair? (Katie places her hand on Howard's shoulder) KATIE: If you could just sign a request for a stay of foreclosure for, uh, unforseen circumstances, like a government investigation? I brought the form, Agent Booth. (she hands Booth another paper) BRENNAN: This isn't a very long list. KATIE: Not a very good market. BRENNAN: (pointing to a name on the list out to Booth) Hugo. Tucker. BOOTH: Hugo Tucker? Tucker? Uh, would he happen to have been overweight, goatee, glasses, by any chance? KATIE: Tucker? Yeah. I think so. He looked at the house a few times. Thought he was going to make an offer. HOWARD: I remember him. He really loved the custom work I'd done. Nice man. BRENNAN: Well he's probably the other victim. HOWARD: Oh god. Is this going to delay things more? BOOTH: I'll see what I can do. (Medico-Legal Lab: Bone Room) (Clark is examining bone fragments. Cam enters) CLARK: I've pulled all the teeth we've found in the ashes. These incisors and molars, they match the x-rays that were sent over from Hugo Tucker's dentist. CAM: So it's definitely him? (Clark nods) Any markers on the fragments that could help Angela ID a weapon? CLARK: All the bone damage I've found so far is a result of fire. The heat causes the bone to break apart into small crescent shapes. (bringing a magnifier over the bones) Like this. Or they'll show a criss-cross pattern. (he moves the device again) Like this. CAM: Huh. Have you gone through them all? CLARK: I'm still looking. CAM: Excellent. (she begins to exit but then turns back around) Oh. And I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised yesterday that you felt relaxed enough to talk about your grandfather. CLARK: I'm human, you know? I just believe in working at work. CAM: I realize that. I do. CLARK: And I love my grandfather very much, but...I really should have the discipline to keep it to myself. CAM: Of course. Then carry on. (she heads to the door once more) CLARK: He never got to see what I became. (Cam stops and waits) What I do...it's for him. CAM: I'm sure he'd be very proud. (she turns and exits) (FBI Building Office Floor) (Brennan and Booth are exiting Booth's office and walking towards the kitchenette) BOOTH: (handing Brennan a picture) Hugo Tucker. Single. BRENNAN: Huh. Glasses and goatee. BOOTH: Yeah. Signed in at the open house. I talked to his roommate. No enemies, he wasn't in debt. There's no reason why somebody would want him dead. BRENNAN: Jealousy. What if Meg had a boyfriend? BOOTH: No. Her roommate said there was no one special. BRENNAN: I still don't like the real estate lady. BOOTH: Interesting. (they enter the kitchenette and Booth heads to the vending machine) thought you didn't like to go by your gut. BRENNAN: Well, I was just trying it out. (she makes a disgusted face) It's not satisfying. BOOTH: Right. (Brennan's cell rings. She answers) BRENNAN: Brennan. Oh, hi Hank. BOOTH: (having trouble with the machine) Hank? Why is he calling you? BRENNAN: For dinner. Tonight at 7. We'll play dominoes after. BOOTH: No. No. Tell him he doesn't have to make me dinner. BRENNAN: (into the phone) Booth says that you don't have to make dinner. (she listens, laughs then turns to Booth) Okay. He says shut up and don't be late. (she laughs again) Okay, Hank. Alright. Thanks, bye. (She hangs up) He says he's going to teach me how to kick your ass. BOOTH: Ha. That'll be the day. I don't think so. I don't like that real estate agent either. Maybe...what if she was sleeping with Hugo. (Brennan's cell rings again. She tries answer but Booth grabs the phone) Give me that. (he answers) Listen Pops, okay, we're trying to work here. (Medico-Legal Lab: Hodgins' office) HODGINS: (on the phone) Not Pops. But I'm interested to know what's going on. (The Kitchenette) BOOTH: Nothing special. What is it Hodgins? (Medico-Legal Lab: Hodgins' Room) (Hodgins is showing a sample of something in a petri dish to Booth and Brennan. Cam and Angela are also there) HODGINS: So this was melted onto one of the bedsprings. BOOTH: (looking with a magnifying glass) What is that? BRENNAN: It's a slim ring. BOOTH: One more time. What is that? HODGINS: It's a gastric banding device that actually limits the amount of food a person's stomach can hold at one time. CAM: A surgical means of losing weight. ANGELA: Well that's how she lost 100 pounds in such a short time. BOOTH: Heh. So much for willpower. BRENNAN: (looking at it through the microscope) It has a serial number. HODGINS: Yeah, exactly. I talked to the doctor who did the operation. It turns out that the slim ring was not registered to Meg Tracy, but it was registered to her roommate, Stephanie Stevens. (Hodgins pulls up a digital copy of the record on the computer) CAM: Woah. Meg used her roommate's insurance. Bet Stephanie was pretty mad about that. BRENNAN: Well especially if she wanted to get the same procedure herself. But now couldn't. (Booth's phone rings) ANGELA: But mad enough to kill? BOOTH: Oh, I've seen people kill for a lot less, believe me. (he answers the phone) Booth. Yeah, God, is he alright? Okay, I'm on my way. (he hangs up) Uh, there was a fire in my place. Pops was cooking and the stove and uh...(he exits quickly. the others look worried) (Booth's apartment) (Firemen are leaving. Booth is thanking them. He shuts the door and walks into the kitchen. The entire stove area is charred. Hank is standing there) HANK: It's that stupid stove. Who has a stove like that? BOOTH: You left a dishtowel on the stove, Pops. HANK: (shaking his head) I don't thinks so. BOOTH: You know, you could have been hurt. You could have been killed. HANK: I always used to make dinner for you. (Booth nods) Done it more than a million times. (he walks into the living room and sits on the arm of the couch) It's that damn stove. BOOTH: (nodding) Alright. (Booth's Office) (He enters with Hank, Brennan and Sweets behind him) BOOTH: I won't be long, Pops. I just have to question the suspect. HANK: I don't need a babysitter, you know. (looking at Sweets) And I do mean baby. Why can't I stay here with Temperance? BRENNAN: Oh, I have work at the lab. Perhaps you can teach Sweets to play dominoes. BOOTH: (grabbing a file off his desk and coming back around to Hank) Great idea. SWEETS: I already know how. I don't think he'd have a chance. HANK: You don't know who you're messing with, squirt. SWEETS: Bring it on, old man. BOOTH: (handing a box of dominoes to Hank) Those are fighting words, Pops. Thanks Sweets. (he nods to Brennan to leave) BRENNAN: Okay, see you later Hank. (Brennan and Booth exit) HANK: (alone with Sweets) You know, what happened to me could have happened to anybody. (They sit in the corner chairs) SWEETS: Oh, I know. HANK: Just because I'm carrying a few extra years doesn't mean I can't take care of myself. SWEETS: I know. HANK: (staring at Sweets) Smart ass. (he opens the dominoes and dumps them on the table) I go first. SWEETS: Alright. (FBI Office floor: by the elevators) (Booth is leading Brennan to the elevators) BOOTH: Thanks for coming in Bones. You know, he really wanted to see you. BRENNAN: Are you sure you don't need me? BOOTH: No. I'll interrogate her roommate and if I get anything, I'll call you. BRENNAN: I'm sorry. BOOTH: Yeah, I guess he needs more than I can give right now. (he waits for a response. she gives none) Maybe I should take a leave of absence. BRENNAN: Can you afford to do that? You have a son to take care of too. BOOTH: No. Pops will think I don't love him. BRENNAN: (shocked) Really? BOOTH: I should go. (he leaves to go to the interrogation room) (FBI Building: Interrogation Room) (Booth is interrogating Stephanie) BOOTH: So we know that Meg used your insurance card for the slim ring surgery. STEPHANIE: (confused) What? That's why I got turned down? BOOTH: What? You didn't know? STEPHANIE: I...went in for a routine check-up and my insurance declined payment. They said I'd exceeded my annual limit. I thought it was a mistake. That's how she lost the weight? That bitch. BOOTH: So are you saying she stole your insurance card? STEPHANIE: Well, no. I...I...I let her use my card, but not for that. She was sick, she didn't have any insurance so I helped her out. BOOTH: Well you know that's a crime, right? STEPHANIE: Well isn't it a crime when your roommate screws you out of 10 grand worth of medical coverage? BOOTH: Sorry, but you're not answering my question here. STEPHANIE: She cheated on our bet. I paid for her trip to Hawaii too. I can't believe this. BOOTH: So you were at the party the night that Meg was killed, correct? STEPHANIE: Yes. BOOTH: Well we talked to those people off the list that you gave us and, um, that's an awfully big party, big enough for you to disappear. And no one could really tell if you'd gone or if you'd left. They didn't know. STEPHANIE: Great. You're never going to believe me so now I have to pay for a lawyer too. (Medico-Legal Lab: Bone Room) (Brennan enters. Clark is there. He has the bones separated into 2 piles) BRENNAN: Have you found anything Dr. Edison? CLARK: Yes. All of these bone fragments are scarred exclusively with markers from the fire. But these two... (he points to a tray where he has 2 small pieces laying) a piece of the parietal and occipital seem to show evidence of being fractured. BRENNAN: (looking at the bones under magnification) Huh. Definitely could have been made by the pointed object Angela is trying to identify. (she pokes the pieces with the tweezers) But look at this. (liquid comes off on the tweezer) CLARK: Residue on the edge of the fracture? BRENNAN: It's a resin. (Medico-Legal Lab: Hodgins' Room) (The results of the mass spectrometer come up on the monitor) HODGINS: Resin consists of turpines and phenolic compounds. BRENNAN: It's wood. He was struck with a weapon made out of wood. HODGINS: Teak, to be exact. CLARK: The bed is teak. (Medico-Legal Lab: Platform) (Hodgins, Cam, Brennan, Angela and Clark are all standing around the bed) BRENNAN: The wounds on Meg's hand were clearly defensive so she couldn't have accidentally hit her hand against the posts. CAM: And the blows were sufficient to render them unconscious. ANGELA: (pointing to the head bedposts) The finials. HODGINS: The what? ANGELA: The decorative knobs that go on top of the posts. They're missing. (Medico-Legal Lab: Angela's Office) (All 5 squints are now in front of Angela's monitor) ANGELA: So the rest of the bed was carved which means the finials must have been carved too. (She pulls up pictures of the exterior and interior of the house) Okay. This is the real estate agents virtual tour of Howard's house. (she pulls up a picture of the bed in the bedroom) Look. We have finials. (she zooms in on them. they are carved in the shape of a woman's head) CAM: The reason why the image looked like a nose was because it was a nose. (Angela takes the hand impression and tries matching it to the finial. no match) The victim was beaten with one of these heads. (She pulls up the other finial. This one is a man) BRENNAN: Wait, that's Howard Fileman, the homeowner. He said he was a master carpenter. ANGELA: So the other one was probably his wife. (Brennan nods and she matches the nose on that finial to the hand. It's a match. CAM: So it wasn't about who was having s*x, but about where they were having s*x. ANGELA: Howard carved this bed for him and his wife. It was a symbol of their love. HODGINS: Meg and Hugo both had roommates. The house was cheaper than a hotel. CAM: Howard catches Meg and Hugo having s*x in his bed. CLARK: Weird cake s*x. HODGINS: He kills them, sets the bed on fire, then leaves with the busts of him and his wife. ANGELA: That's so sweet. (they all look at her quizzically) a...a...and it's horrible too. It's mainly horrible. BRENNAN: I'll tell Booth. Howard might still have the finials we'll pull blood and tissue from. ANGELA: Oh he'll still have them. I guarantee it. It's all he has left of her. (FBI Building: Interrogation Room) (Howard is sitting across from Booth and Brennan looking at his wife's finial that's in an evidence bag. His finial is also there) HOWARD: I went back to...sleep in our bed. I used to stare at her face up on the bedpost and pretend she was next to me. But I found them. It wasn't right. (Booth's Apartment) (Booth and Hank are in the living room about to eat dinner) HANK: I don't know why you got take out. I could have cooked dinner. BOOTH: Right. Try this one here, it's chicken. You'll love it. HANK: Oh I don't think so. It doesn't look like chicken to me. (Booth looks at him) I'll try it anyway. BOOTH: (handing him a fork) Look I got you a fork because I know how much you hate chopsticks. Alright? HANK: Good job. BOOTH: Yeah. (he watches Hank spread his napkin) Listen. There's something I got to tell you. HANK: I know. This isn't chicken. I already told you that. (Booth half laughs) But there's something I want to say to you first. (Booth lets him speak) I can't tell you how much it means to me to be here with you. To share your life. To see what a good man you've turned out to be. BOOTH: Pops... HANK: Shut up. This gooey crap isn't easy for me. (Booth smiles) Now listen. I don't want you to think I don't love you. But I've got to go back. BOOTH: What? HANK: To the place. They need me. Ronald called. He's got no one to fish with. And Margaret needs my help with the crocheting. BOOTH: You crochet, Pops? HANK: That's what we call s*x. (Booth nods) And lets face it. You're appliances stink. BOOTH: I...well, what about the orderlies? HANK: Ah don't worry about them. They're used to being hit by them. BOOTH: Ok then. You're really sure this is what you want? HANK: I already called them. They know I'm coming. Maybe you and your friend can give me a ride, huh? BOOTH: Yeah. (Outside Willow River Retirement Community) (Hank is wheeling his suitcase to the entrance. Brennan and Booth are following) BOOTH: You'll call, right Pops? HANK: I'll call. You'll call. We'll visit. We'll be sick of each other. (he stops and turns to Booth and Brennan) BRENNAN: I'll miss you, Hank. HANK: Of course you will. Shrimp, can you give us a minute? (Booth looks to Brennan and then back to Hank) BOOTH: Sure, Pops. (He steps away) HANK: You remember what I told you. BRENNAN: I remember HANK: (looking to Booth) He's big and strong. But he's gonna need someone. Everyone needs someone. Don't be scared. BRENNAN: Scared? What? I'm not scared of anything. HANK: It all goes by so fast. You don't want any regrets. BRENNAN: I don't understand. HANK: Yes you do. (Brennan knows he's right) Give me a hug. (they hug. Hank points to Booth) Alright it's your turn. BOOTH: (as he passes Brennan who steps away from Hank) What did he say to you? HANK: None of your business. Now listen. You remember? It's all in there. (pointing his fist over Booth's heart) Everything you need to know. (Hank looks at Brennan. Then back to Booth) You just do what it tells you. BOOTH: I love you, Pops. HANK: I love you. (They hug) Okay, okay now. I can't breathe. Alright. (He and Booth do their special handshake. Brennan also waves and steps back to them) HANK: Alright then. (he wheels his suitcase through the doors) BOOTH: What he say to you? BRENNAN: Nothing. Just saying goodbye. You? BOOTH: Me? Uh...nothing. Just...be a good boy. Stuff like that. (they watch Hank disappear) We should go. BRENNAN: Yeah. (neither moves. Then they turn away together) BOOTH: I like that thing around your neck. BRENNAN: What? BOOTH: That thing that you're wearing around your neck. It looks really good. BRENNAN: (touching the necklace) Oh. You've seen it before. BOOTH: I don't think so. BRENNAN: Well...thanks. BOOTH: Sure. (They walk off together as the screen fades to black)

Booth's grandfather Hank comes to live with him and tags along as Brennan and Booth investigate ashes and charred remains found by a real estate agent while showing a property to prospective buyers. The team identifies the victims as plus-size lovers, neither of whom seemed to have many enemies. Meanwhile, Hank tries to play matchmaker for Booth and lets Brennan in on some family secrets.

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_04x21

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_04x21_0

Guest starring Leonard Roberts (Forrest Gates) Amber Benson (Tara) Bailey Chase (Graham Miller) Jack Stehlin (Doctor Engleman) Conor O'Farrell (Colonel McNamara) George Hertzberg (Adam) and Lindsay Crouse as Maggie Walsh Fade into Walsh talking to Adam. Walsh: Almost time to wake up, Adam, and take your first look at the world. I know you're gonna make me proud. Cut to Walsh getting skewered by Adam. Walsh: Aah! Giles (v.o.): Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Walsh (v.o): Adam... She falls to the floor. Cut to Adam and Spike. Adam: Spike, I want you to come with me. You're going to help me with my problem. Spike: Slayer's got powers. Adam: Take them away from her. Spike: This all goes down, the chip comes out. Adam: Scout's Honor. Cut to the crypt where Buffy and Forrest fought Adam. Forrest: Riley had a career. He had a future 'till he met you and yeah, I got a problem with that. Forrest uses his blaster on Adam, shocking him. Adam just looks at Forrest. Adam: Thank you. Forrest runs up to Adam, only to get a skewer put in him. Cut to Giles' apartment. Buffy: Okay, Adam was at that cave, so maybe he was there for a reason. I'll go back, I'll scope it out-- Giles: You don't train with me anymore. He's going to kick your ass. Buffy: Giles! Xander: Stupid. So you finally had the guts to say it to my face. Willow: What exactly do you mean by 'witch stuff'? Buffy: You guys, what is happening?! Willow: Buffy, things have been wrong for a while! Buffy: I'm starting to understand why there's no ancient prophecy about a Chosen One and her friends. As she storms out: Buffy: If I need help, I'll go to someone I can count on. Adam: I've been waiting for you. Riley: And now I'm here. Fade into an exterior shot of the College. Cut to the crypt. Buffy is walking around. Buffy: Riley? She turns around and walks over to somewhere else. Buffy: Riley? Cut to Riley and Adam. Adam: Your thoughts are troubled. In turmoil. I understand, brother. We have a lot to discuss. Speak. Riley: What have you done to me? Adam: Nothing. It was mother, Your...Professor Walsh. She implanted the behavior modifier. Riley: A chip in my head. She really did it. Adam: Actually, the chip is here. (points to his chest) Tied directly into your central nervous system through your thoracic nerve. This is Phase One of your preparation. It lay dormant until the time came. I simply activated it, brother. Riley: Stop calling me that. I'm not your brother. You're a botched science experiment. I'm a human being, who's gonna do everything in his power to-- Adam: Sit. Riley sits down. Adam: You have no power. Not yet. Once you forget your old life and embrace your destiny as I have, you will know power you've never dreamed of. I think you're going to like it. Opening credits roll. "Buffy" theme plays. {Commercial Break} Fade into the crypt. Adam is walking around. Adam: Humans claim to old ways and ancient feuds. And they're hopeless with technology. Unworthy. (he turns around) Riley: Not really wanting a lecture right now. Adam continues walking. Adam: Disappointed by demon-kind, we turned to humans. Smart, adaptive, (he turns around) but emotional and weak. Blind. There's imperfection everywhere. Something must be done. Who will deliver us? Riley says nothing. Adam: Mother. She saw our future. Yours and mine. She saw that you were necessary. She saw the role you will play by my side. Stand up. Riley stands up. Adam: You see, we are brothers after all. Cut to Spike in the crypt. Spike: It warms the cockles of my non-beating heart seeing you lads together. Adam: I didn't send for you, Spike. Spike: Yeah, well...I'm not much the being-sent-for type. He starts walking forward. Spike: I'm much more the "I did my part, now get this chip out of my head" kind of guy. Spike looks at Riley. Spike: Slightly stiffer than usual. He snaps his fingers in Riley's face, who doesn't move a muscle. Spike: Subtle, but I like it. As he starts nudging Riley: Spike: What's with him? Adam: I activated his chip. Spike: Oh, so, it's chips all around, is it? Someone must've bought the party-pack. Adam: You get yours removed when the Slayer is where I want her. Spike: She's separated from her friends. As he walks over to a chair: Spike: They want nothing to do with her. As he sits down: Spike: She's all alone. As Adam walks over to Spike: Adam: That's how I want her. Where I want her is down in the Initiative. (stops walking) She will ensure that as many demons die as humans, she will achieve maximum carnage before she's too weak to go on. Riley: No. You can't-- Adam: Stop talking. Riley stops. Adam looks at Spike. Spike: Right. The Initiative. But getting her there--that's what the bleeding disks are for, isn't it? Our little witch gives her the info and pop--Alice heads back down the rabbit hole. Adam: The witch. Spike: Uh, Willow. (uses his hands to demonstrate height) About so high, perky, good with math. Natural choice. Adam: A friend. Spike: Right. Adam: One of the friends from whom you so efficiently separated her. Spike: Damn right I did. You should've seen her. They won't be talking to each other for a long, long-- Adam looks down at Spike. Spike: Hang on. I think I might've detected a small flaw. Adam: So you failed. Spike: Well, hey, you're supposed to be so smart. (he stands up) You let me plan this thing. Okay, let's not quibble about who failed who. The important thing is make sure the Slayer is where we want-- Adam: Go. Spike: Gone. He starts to leave. Halfway out, he stops and turns to him. Spike: So, uh, we'll do this chip thing when I get back. Adam just looks at him. Spike nods his head in agreement and leaves. Cut to an exterior view of Giles' apartment. There is a knock at the door. Cut to the interior. Giles: Oh... He walks over to the door and opens it. Tara and Willow are on the other side. Willow: Hey. Giles: Hello. (looks down at his clothes) Um, oh, uh, pardon the robe. It's a bit of a late start. Willow: Right. Tara: I hope you're feeling all right, Mr. Giles. Giles: Oh, yes, quite well, thank you. I'll--I'll probably have a brisk jog later on. Did you want something? Willow: I forgot my laptop and the disks. Giles: (takes off his glasses) Uh, yes, please, please come in. Willow walks inside. Giles: Will you be working here? Uh, typing...talking? Because, um, that will be fine. Willow: (smiling) No, that's okay. She takes her laptop and puts it in her bag. Giles looks at Tara, who smiles and nods. Willow comes back over to the two. Willow: Got 'em. So...see ya. Giles: Right. Yes, well, good luck with--with all that. Willow: Ok. Bye. Tara: Bye. Giles: Bye. He closes the door. Cut to Buffy and Willow's dorm room. Buffy gets up from the floor and walks over to look at a picture of her, Willow, and Xander. She puts the picture down and picks up the phone. After a beat, she puts the phone down. She walks over to a bag, and takes an axe. Cut to an exterior view of Xander's house. Cut to the interior view of Xander's basement. Xander is lying in bed. A door closes. Anya: (o.s.) Xander? She comes down the stairs. Anya: You said you wanted to check the board at the unemployment office this morning. She lifts the covers. Anya: You can't go like that. They won't even interview you if you're naked. Xander: I'm not going. There's never anything good. Anya: (sighs) Xander: Maybe I should join the Army. Anya: Don't they make you get up really early in the morning? Xander: Oh, yeah. As Xander pulls the covers over him: Xander: Never mind. She pulls the covers away from his face. Anya: Are you still upset about that fight you had with your friends? It was hours ago! Get over it. Xander: Anya, you--Forget it. Anya: So, they all think you're lost, directionless loser with no plans for his future? Pfft. Xander: Anya, you can't "pfft" that stuff away. Anya: Why not? Xander: I don't know. 'Cause I think maybe they're right. Anya sighs and kneels down to Xander's bed and lays on his chest. Anya: So what if they are? You're a good person, and a good boyfriend, and...and I'm in love with you. Whatever they think of you, it shouldn't matter. Xander: Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Cut to a crypt. Buffy is walking around inside with an axe. She walks through to another part of the crypt. Cut to the other part of the crypt. She looks around and sees many computers. Buffy: (o.s.) Adam...where are you? Cut to the inside of a lab. A ball moves away to reveal a laboratory. Adam: This is where it all happens. Where the new race begins. Riley: Where are we? Adam: In the Initiative. There are areas no one knew about beyond those that needed to. Mother kept her secrets well. Pan over to a zombie-type woman. Adam: Didn't you? Riley (o.s.) Professor Walsh? Adam: This is all how she planned it, except she thought she would be alive. Professor Walsh walks over to a table with another doctor, who turns around. It's Doctor Engleman. Riley: Are you-- Adam looks at Riley. Riley: Is that what you were gonna do to me? Adam: They're just workers. You know your destiny is much greater. A zombie-man sits up. Riley: Forrest? Oh, God. Forrest: God has nothing to do with it. Cut to Adam. Cut to Riley. Cut to black. {Commercial Break} Fade into Adam's lair. Buffy walks around and runs into Spike, who puts his hands up. Spike: Easy, Sheriff. Watch where you point that thing. Buffy: What are you doing here? Spike: Looking for a little weekend getaway place. Shove off. He starts walking past Buffy. Adam's been using these caves. Spike stops walking. What? I found his lair. Spike: (sigh) Oh, cripes. That's all I need. Runnin' into that goon. Buffy: Yeah, well, Adam's cleared out of here. Whatever he's planning is about to go down. Spike: Look at little Nancy Drew. What about those disks I nabbed? They ought to tell you something. Buffy: Willow has the disks. Spike: Well, then I'd get on that. Cut to Buffy. Spike (o.s.): Can't ignore valuable information Cut to Spike. Spike: just 'cause you two birds fell out, now can you? Buffy: Right. Spike: Well, you do what you want. As he starts to leave: Spike: No worry of mine, now is it? Cut to Willow's room. Willow and Tara are working on deciphering the disks. Tara: Maybe you should rest. Clear your head? She sits down. Willow: Can't. (cut to the screen) Not now. I--I think I'm on to something. I've been assuming the (cut to the two)--the ciphertext was encrypted with an asymmetric algorithm. Then it hit me. A hexogonic key pattern. It's-- Tara: Hey, look, you did it. Cut to the screen. After a beat, cut back to the two. Willow: I didn't. I haven't even finished typing in the new code. Tara: Something's doing it. Willow: Must be programmed to (cut to the screen) self-decrypt to a certain point. (cut back to Willow) That is so annoying. It's like someone blurting out the answer to a riddle just when you've--I mean Yippee! We have the information. Tara: I'm not sure if "Yippee"'s the right response, either. Read that. The phone rings. Tara gets up to answer it. Tara: Hello? Yeah, she's right--I mean, let me check. She moves the phone to her shoulder. Tara: It's Buffy. Cut to a close up of Willow's face. Cut to the lower level of the Initiative. Riley: Professor Walsh. Professor Walsh, it's Riley Finn. Can you hear me? Forrest (o.s.): She's dead. Artificially (walks into view) reanimated with basic to moderate brain activity. Mommy can hear you, but she's still a walking corpse. Professor Walsh pulls out a syringe. Riley: So are you. Forrest: Mm-mmm (No). Got that wrong. I'm surging with life... and strength. Adam made me to be nearly as bad as he is. Really looking forward to trying out your girl again. Riley: I'm sorry, Forrest. Forrest: Don't be. This is the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm free of all my weaknesses...my doubts. He's gonna fix you up too, soon as we got some choice parts. Then you and me will be back on the same side again. Moving toward a new future. Riley: I'll never let that happen. Forrest: You don't get it brother, you don't have a choice. Your will belongs to us now. Riley: No. That's not true. Forrest: Then why don't you get out of that chair and walk out of here? Riley: You can't control my-- Walsh: Riley, be a good boy. She comes toward him with a syringe and puts it into his skin. Cut to the campus. Many people are walking around. Buffy walks up, meeting with the Scooby Gang. Buffy (to Xander): Where's Anya? Xander: Oddly, Anya decided not to join us, despite all the fun we had at our last meeting. Willow: And I don't think Tara felt welcome. Buffy: Why? Because of the things that we said? Willow nods. Buffy: Will, who told you we were talking behind your back, specifically? Well, um...Spike, specifically, but-- And who told you that we thought you'd be better off joining the Army? That's not...exactly what he said. Giles: Well, uh...S--S--Spike can be very convincing when--when--when, uh...I'm very stupid. Buffy: He played us. He wanted us to fight to split us up. That's where it came from. The stuff we said the other night. Giles: Of course. Well, piffle, let's move on. Xander: I'm movin'. Willow: Me, too. Buffy: Good. Great. Cut to Willow. Cut to Xander. Cut to Giles. Cut to a shot of all four. Willow: So...why do you think Spike made with the head games? Xander: He's all dressed up with no one to bite. He's gotta get his ya-yas somehow. I think it was more than that. I think it was Adam. Xander: Spike's working for Adam?! After all we've done--nah, I can't even act surprised. Giles smiles. Buffy: I just went to Adam's lair and he was gone. But, Spike just happened to be there. He made this big noise about getting information off those encrypted disks. Willow: Oh, I decrypted them. Buffy looks at her, surprised. Willow: Well, they decrypted themselves, but I almost had it. Giles: What did they say? Willow: A bunch of stuff we already know about 314. But it also said there's some final phase where Adam manufactures a bunch of creepy cyber-demonoids like him. There's a special lab in The Initiative, but it didn't say where. Buffy: Adam fed Spike those disks. It has to be. He wanted me to know about his evil-guy assembly line. This lab, it's in the Initiative? Willow: Hidden somewhere. Buffy: We'll give the demon his due. He thought this one out. Willow: What do you mean? Buffy: You know how overcrowded the containment cells have been at the Initiative? Willow nods. Buffy: Those demons were just too easy to catch. It's like they wanted in that place. Giles: (putting on his glasses) The Trojan horse. Buffy: Adam's gonna make sure the demons attack the Initiative from the inside. Xander: Demons versus soldiers. Massacre, massacre. Willow: And Adam has a neat pile of body parts to start assembling his army. Diabolical, yet...(makes a face) Gross. Xander: Does anybody else miss the Mayor, I just wanna be a big snake? Buffy: I've got to shut him down, Giles. His final phase is about to start. Giles: We need to warn the Initiative. Buffy: They're not gonna listen to me. Willow: Riley? Buffy: He's a deserter. He got some bad news anyway, and kinda took off. Xander: Okay, I'm confused again. Adam has this evil plan. Why is he so anxious for you to know about it? Buffy: He wants me there. Probably figures I'll even the kill ratio. Xander: He's not worried you might kill, oh say, him? Buffy: No, he's really not. Cut to the lower lab. Adam: She's coming. I can feel it. Spike: Good on you. Got a chunk of prognosticating demon in there, right? He walks over to a chair. Spike: Now, (claps his hands) if you'll just get this chip out of my cranium...(he sits down) I'll be out of your way. And mind the hairline. I don't fancy fussing over a comb-over as I resume my killing ways. Come on, we had a deal. Adam: When she's here. Spike: (sighs) Cut to Riley. Cut to Giles' apartment. Giles: Certainly no lack of supplies. I only wish I knew which ones would kill Adam. Buffy: According to Riley, his power source is uranium core embedded somewhere inside his chest. Probably near the spine. Xander: Great, so we just ask him to lie down quietly while we do some exploratory surgery. Willow: What about magic? Some kind of, I don't know...uranium extracting spell? Everyone looks at her in disbelief. Willow: I know. I'm reaching. Giles stands up. Giles: Perhaps a paralyzing spell. He walks over to the bookshelf and pulls a book off. Giles: Only I can't perform the incantation for this. Willow: Right. Don't you have to speak it in Sumerian or something? Giles: I do speak Sumerian. It's not that. Only a...an experienced witch can incant it, and you'd have to be within striking distance of this object. Xander: See what you get for takin' French instead of Sumerian? Buffy: What was I thinking? Xander: So no problem, all we need is combo Buffy--her with Slayer strength, Giles' multi-lingual know how, and Willow's witchy power. Giles looks at him. Xander: Yeah, don't tell me. I'm just full of helpful suggestions. Giles: As a matter of fact, you are. Cut to an exterior shot of Lowell House. Cut to the inside. The gang walks through the door. Willow: Nervous? Xander: No way. I'm full of that good old kamikaze spirit. Giles: Xander, just because this is never gonna work, there's no need to be negative. Willow: The adjoining spell, is it powerful enough to defeat Adam? Giles: It's very powerful. It's also extrodinarily dangerous. Buffy: Game faces, guys. We're going in. She kicks in the window. Dissolve to another area of the Initiative. Fade in to Buffy and Willow climbing. Buffy: How you doing? Willow: Super. What was I thinkin', using stairs all this time? Buffy: Okay. Will-- Willow: No, really, Buffy. It's not as scary as I thought. Buffy: No. It's not what I was gonna say. I just...I'm sorry. I hate that things have been so strained between all of us. Willow: It's not your fault. Spike stirred up trouble. Buffy: Yeah, but I think trouble was stir-uppable. I think we've all sort of drifted apart this year, don't you? Willow: Maybe a little. But, you know, first year of college, it's hard to keep the old high school gang together. Buffy: But I want it together. Will, I miss you. And Giles, and Xander. And it is my fault. I've been wrapped up in my own stuff, I've been a bad friend. Willow: You're the Slayer, Buffy. Your stuff is pretty crucial. Buffy: I mean Riley. And...Riley, mostly. Willow: Well, I haven't been Miss Available either. I--I kept secrets. I hid things from everyone. Buffy: That's not your fault. Will, you were going through something huge. Willow: I wanted to tell you, but I was so scared. Buffy: You can tell me anything. I love you. You're my best friend. They hug. Willow: Me, too. I love you too. They begin falling due to the weight. Willow: (o.s.) Oh, falling now! They land on the ground, but continue to hug. Buffy: Let's promise to never not talk again. Willow: I promise, I promise. Xander slides down. Buffy and Willow hug him. Buffy: Xander. Willow: Oh, wonderful Xander! Buffy: You know we love you, right? Willow: We totally do. Xander: Oh God, we're gonna die, aren't we? Willow: No, we just missed you. Xander looks up. Xander: Giles, hurry up! Giles looks down. Xander: You definitely wanna get down here for this! Cut to Buffy and the gang. Giles is inching the door with a crowbar. Buffy: Okay, we stick together, then everything should be fine. Everybody ready? Giles gets the door open. Buffy: Let's... They open the door to reveal 5 Commando guys with laser blasters. Buffy: ...do this. Cut to black. {Commercial Break} [SCENE_BREAK] Fade into an area in the Initiative. Adam and Spike are watching the cameras. Spike: Must-See-TV. Bait's been taken. Trap's all set. The Slayer has landed. So... He turns and looks at Adam. Spike: Hello? Paging Dr. Owe Me One. Adam: She's not alone. Spike looks closer at the TV. Adam: (o.s.) You've failed me again. Spike: Well, that's one way of looking at it. Adam: What's the other way. He bolts for the door, but Forrest grabs his neck. Spike: Oh, come on! It's not like I wasn't trying! That's worth something, isn't it? Adam: I suppose. Yes. I will honor our agreement to remove your chip. Cut to Forrest and Spike. Cut to Adam. Adam: Take his head off. Forrest grabs Spike and pins him down in a chair. Spike struggles, but he takes out a cigarette and puts it out on Forrest's eye. Forrest: (screams) Spike breaks loose and runs out. Adam: Let him go. Cut to the video screen. Cut to Adam. Adam: There's nowhere left to run. Cut to Forrest, breathing hard. Cut to Colonel McNamara's office. Buffy: Colonel-- Colonel: Shut up. You've got some nerve, lady. (unzips the bag) You think you and your friends can just keep waltzing into a government installation brandishing weapons like-- He holds up the device. Colonel: Like-- Willow: It's a gourd. Giles: Magic gourd. Colonel: What kind of freaks are you people? (puts the gourd down) Buffy: Adam is here, Colonel. In the Initiative. Colonel: Nice try. Buffy: Those overcrowded containment cells of yours: courtesy of Adam. He's pulling a Trojan Horse on you, he's just waiting-- Colonel: Everything in this installation is under 24-hour surveillance. Willow: Including the secret lab? Colonel: Including everything! (a beat) What secret lab? Buffy: The one Adam's been using. The one built for the final stage of the 314 project. The colonel has a blank look on his face. Buffy: And you have no idea what I'm talking about. Colonel: I know everything that goes on around here. A tick on a mouse couldn't get in without my knowing it. And if Adam wants to try we're ready for him. Giles: Jolly good. How--How exactly do you plan to get close enough to Adam to remove his power source? Colonel: Hit him simultaneously with multiple taser blasters. Incapacitate him with as much voltage as we can muster. Xander: Great plan. That's right up there with "duck and cover". Buffy: I've seen Adam hit with taser blasts. He feeds on it. And now you're gonna provide him with an all-you-can-eat buffet? Colonel: You telling me my business? Buffy: This...is not your business. It's mine. You, the Initiative, the boys at the Pentagon--you're all in way over your heads. Messing with primeval forces you have absolutely no comprehension of. Colonel: And you do? Buffy: I'm the Slayer. You're playing on my turf. Colonel: Up there, maybe. But down here, I'm the one who's in control. The lights go out. Soldier: Sir, the power grid's down. Backup's not responding. Cut to the screen. Cut back to the soldier. Soldier: We're locked in. Cut to Willow. Cut to Buffy. Cut to Adam's area in the Initiative. He flips a switch labeled "Main Power Grid". The lights go out. He flips a switch labeled "Containment Area". Cut to a screen. A scientist and a soldier are walking. Adam: This will be interesting. Cut to the lower level of the Initiative. The cages all open. Scientist: (scared) What's going on? Soldier #2: I don't know! A cage opens. Scientist: Go! A demon runs out and starts clawing at the scientist. Scientist: (screaming) Another demon starts clawing at the soldier. Soldier #2: (screaming) Cut back to the Colonel and the gang. Soldier: Containment area's been breached. Hostiles are loose. Colonel: How many? Soldier: All of 'em, Sir. Buffy: (o.s.) It's Adam. The Colonel looks at Buffy. Buffy: Look, I'm the only one who can stop him now. Just let me handle this. Get your people out of here. Colonel: All right, you men follow me. We gotta take the Armory now. Soldier #3: Sir. Buffy: Colonel. Colonel: These people are under arrest, do you understand? Soldier #4: Yes, sir. The soldiers and the Colonel all leave. A soldier stands up. Buffy gives him a kick to the chest. Another soldier tries to attack her, and she bangs his head into the desk, then hits him in the face, knocking him out cold. Buffy: We've gotta find Adam. Willow: On it. She goes over to the computer, and sits down. Giles: The enjoining spell (cut to Buffy) is extremely touchy. It's, uh, (cut to Willow) volatile. We--We can't risk it (cut to Buffy) being interrupted. We need a place that's (cut to Giles and Xander) close to you and quiet. Cut to the screen. Xander: (o.s.) Uh...quiet? Cut down below. A soldier flies through the air. Another soldier flies through the air. Cut to the stairwell. A demon flips another soldier over, and punches one in the face. A demon throws a solider over the railing. Cut to another part of the Initiative. There is fire coming out from almost every area. Cut to yet another part of the Initiative. A soldier comes up, firing a machine gun. He hits a demon in the chest, and he falls to the ground. Cut to the solider. He is still firing the machine gun, but a vampire has jumped on him. The soldier fires the gun, and tries to shake him off at the same time. Cut to the stairwell. A woman has just died from a vampire bite. Cut to another area. Spike is attacking demons. He gives a back kick to one of them. He punches another in the stomach, and then hits him in the head. Cut to the railing. We see a man's hand slowly working its way up. He nearly gets up but is pulled down again by a demon. Cut back to the gang. Buffy: How we doing, Will? Willow: Done. Hold on. According to this, there's air ducts and electrical conduits (cut to the screen) all running into there. Buffy: So? Willow: So, there's no there there. Look. Cut to the screen. Cut to Buffy. Buffy: It's Adam. Giles: You sure? Buffy: Right behind 314. Buffy: Can you unlock it? Willow: I don't have to. All--All the locks in the Initiative have been disengaged...except for the exits. Xander: Demon open house. Buffy: Great. So we know we're going to 314. Now all we have to do is get there. Cut to the "demon open house" (the fight below). Graham runs up and begins shooting a gun at a demon. He kills him, and he does the same to two other demons. Cut to the door. The gang runs out. Buffy punches a demon in the face. Buffy kicks a demon in the leg. She gives a sidekick to another demon. Xander hits one demon with a laser blast. They all run past. A scientist's arm is on fire. A man flies over the railing. Another demon tries to hit Buffy, but she hits him first. She sees a soldier with a gun. As Buffy pushes Willow: Buffy: Willow, down! Buffy: Come on! Willow: Go! They all run past. We see another explosion. Cut to the inside of 314. Buffy: Okay, it should be over here. They move a cart in front of the door. She opens up two doors. Buffy: Once I'm in, barricade the door behind me. Is this place okay to be Magic Central? Giles: It, uh, should do. Willow: As long as we don't get blowed up or nothin'. Xander: What're the odds of that? Buffy: How long before the ritual kicks in? Giles: Five minutes, give or take. Xander: Buffy, I still don't like you going in alone. Buffy: I won't be. Willow closes the doors and moves a cart against the doors. Giles and Xander move a gurney against the other door. Cut to the lower level of the Initiative. Buffy sees Riley. Buffy: Riley. She climbs down the ladder. Buffy: Are you hurt? (no answer) Say something! Riley says nothing. Professor Walsh and Dr. Engleman appear. Buffy: What is this? She looks at Riley. Buffy: Why won't you talk to me? Adam: (o.s.) He can't. Pan over to Adam. Adam: He hasn't been programmed to. He's part of the final phase now...as you were supposed to be. Buffy: Sorry. I don't jump through hoops on command. I've never really been one to tow the line. Adam: Oh. (beat) Kill her. Forrest grabs her. Forrest: I thought you'd never ask. Cut to Walsh and Engleman. We hear Buffy struggling. Professor Walsh takes a device and slowly walks toward Buffy. Cut to black. {Commercial Break} Fade into the lower level of The Initiative. Buffy is still struggling. She kicks Professor Walsh in the face, and she goes flying. We hear glass breaking. Buffy throws Forrest into the wall, breaking glass. Riley looks at the broken glass. Cut to the inside of 314. Giles lights a candle. Willow: (chanting) "The power of the Slayer and all who yield it. Last to ancient first, we invoke thee. Grant us thy domain and primal strength. Accept us in the power we possess. Make us mind and heart and spirit joy. Let the hand encompass us. Do thy will." Cut back to the lower level of The Initiative. Forrest punches Buffy in the face, and sends her flying to the floor. Buffy springs up, and kicks him in the face. She punches him in the face two more times, a left and a right hook. He punches her in the stomach twice. He tries to punch her, but he grabs her hand, twists it around, and leads her head to a metal table, knocking her out. She slowly gets up. Riley: Buffy. Forrest punches her in the face. He turns to Riley. Forrest: Shut up, and watch me kill your girlfriend, Finn. That's an order. He growls and turns around to face Buffy. Cut to Riley. We hear fighting noises coming from Forrest and Buffy. His hand begins moving to the glass. He picks up a piece of it. Buffy tries to side sweep him, but it doesn't work. She punches him in the face. Riley begins ripping at his skin with the glass. Cut to the inside of 314. Willow: Spiritus...Spirit. She hands a card to Xander. Xander: Animus...Heart. She hands a card to Giles. Giles: Sophus...Mind. Willow: And Manus... Cut to Buffy punching Forrest. Willow: (o.s.) The hand. Riley reaches into his chest and begins pulling. Forrest punches Buffy twice, knocking her down. He flips her over, grabs her, and pulls her down. Cut to Riley. Riley: (groans) Forrest picks her up and growls. Buffy takes her hands in a power cord and snaps it. Cut to the inside of 314. The camera view is fading. Willow: We enjoin that we may inhabit the vessel--the hand...daughter of Sineya...first of the ones... Cut to the lower level of The Initiative. Riley is still trying to get the chip out. Forrest grabs Buffy and throws her down on a table. Buffy is struggling. Professor Walsh and Doctor Engleman hold her down, trying to put her into restraints. Riley struggles with the chip, and finally pulls it out. Cut to Forrest holding Buffy. Forrest: Is that it? Is that all you got? Riley: No. Walsh, Engleman, and Forrest all look over. Riley: She's got me. He knocks out Professor Walsh and Dr. Engleman. Forrest: Look who's come off the bench. He starts to walk toward Riley, but Buffy kicks him in the face. Buffy gets up. Buffy: I need to get to Adam. Like, now. Are you able? Riley: Go. She leaves. Riley runs toward Forrest but he gets flipped over by him. Riley grabs his stomach but Forrest backhand elbows him to the face. Forrest flips him on the ground. As Riley gets up, Forrest kicks him in the stomach. Cut to the Initiative. Many men are running with guns, shooting at HST's. Colonel: Fall back! Fall back! Protect the flank! Walk down that pit! Cut to Adam's area in the Initiative. Buffy: Fun, isn't it? Adam: I do appreciate violence. Buffy: Good. Buffy tries to run toward him, but he punches her, sending her backwards. She rolls, gets up, and kicks him. She begins punching him in the face. Adam grabs her hand, and throws her into the wall. His skewer comes out. He tries to stab Buffy, but she snaps it with her knee and punches him in the face. Buffy: Broke your arm. Adam: Got another. His hand sprouts into a mini-gun. Adam: I've been upgrading. He begins firing at her. She dives over the computer console. He stops. Cut to the inside of 314. Willow: We implore thee, admit us, bring us to the vessel, take us now. Cut to Adam's room at the Initiative. Buffy gets out from her hiding place and sees Adam. He blows up the console. Adam looks for Buffy. She stands up, eyes glowing orange. Adam: You can't last much longer. Buffy: (speaking simultaneous) We can. We are forever. Cut to Adam. Cut to Buffy. Buffy: (Speaking Sumerian) Adam: Interesting. Adam fires at Buffy, but it generates some sort of force field. Buffy: (Continues speaking Sumerian) Adam: Very interesting. Cut to the inside of 314. The HST's begin breaking down the door. Cut to the lower level of the Initiative. Riley jumps on Forrest, and grabs him. Riley kicks Forrest in the stomach with his knee. Forrest grabs Riley's head, attempting to put him in a headlock. Forrest throws Riley across the room. Forrest: What're you makin' me do this for? He begins to walk over to Riley. Forrest: Not that I'm not enjoyin' myself. He kicks him in the face, sending him backwards. Forrest: But Adam's not gonna like it if I-- Riley hits Forrest in the face with a tank of oxygen. He hits him in the face with it again. And again. He hits him in the stomach with it, forcing him back. Riley hits the tank in Forrest's face. He tries to hit him with his elbow, but Forrest grabs the tank, causing Riley to fall on the ground. Forrest holds up the tank. Riley scrambles to his feet and runs. Forrest: (growls) He jumps over a gurney. Cut to a close up of the tank. "FLAMMABLE" There is a huge explosion. Cut to Adam's room at the Initiative. He is still firing his mini-gun at Buffy. He fires a rocket at her, but she holds her hand up. Buffy: (Sumerian) Kur. The rocket then bursts into 3 birds. She holds her hand up again, and Adam's rocket goes back inside him. Adam tries to attack her, but she blocks every punch. She kicks him in the stomach, and he falls. She grabs his head. Adam: How...can you-- Dissolve to the inside of 314. Xander: You could never hope to grasp the source Superimpose Adam's room at the Initiative. Buffy: of our power. She uppercuts him, sending him flying to the ground. She picks him up and kicks him against the wall. She reaches into him and pulls out the uranium. Buffy: But yours is right here. Adam: (groans) He falls to the ground. Riley walks up. Riley: Buffy. The uranium begins levitating. A woman begins speaking Sumarian, and the uranium disappears. Buffy's eyes go normal and she faints, but Riley catches her. Cut to the inside of 314. Everyone else drops. Willow: Wow. That was-- The door breaks down and a demon comes inside. Spike comes in and breaks the demon's neck. The demon falls to the floor. Spike: Nasty sort of fellow. Lucky for you blighters I was here, eh? Giles: Yes, thank you. Cut to Spike. Giles: Although your heroism has been slightly muted by the fact that you were helping Adam to start a war that would kill us all. Xander: You probably just saved us so we wouldn't stake you right here. Spike: Did it work? They all get up. Spike: Well, then everything's all right. And we all get to be not staked through the heart. Good work, team. Buffy and Riley open the door. Giles: Buffy. Willow comes over and hugs her. Willow: Wasn't it amazing? Xander: You were great. Buffy: We were great. Riley: We still got men out there. Spike: Well, let's go save 'em, by gum. Buffy: You guys get to the exits, get 'em open. She looks at Riley. Buffy: You, organize the soldiers, pull 'em back. I'll take point. She starts walking out. Willow: Are you up to this? Buffy: I am. She knocks out a demon. Cut to an office. Man: It was an experiment. The Initiative represented the Government's interests in not only controlling the otherworldly menace, but harnessing its power for our own military purposes. The considered opinion of this counsel is that this experiment has failed. Fades between different battle scenes: Buffy attacking many demons. Man (v.o): Once the prototype took control of the complex, our soldiers suffered a 40 percent casualty rate. Graham shooting demons Man (v.o): Only through the actions of the deserter and a group of civilian insurrectionists that Xander helping Willow down onto the ground. Man (v.o): Our losses were not total. I trust the irony of that is not lost on any of us. Maggie Walsh's vision A soldier with a gun. Man (v.o): Was brilliant, but ultimately unsupportable. Colonel McNamara getting attacked by a demon. Man (v.o): The demons cannot be harnessed. The end result. Man (v.o): Cannot be controlled. Fade into an office. Man: It is therefore our recommendation that this project be terminated and all records concerning it expunged. Our soldiers'll be debriefed. Standard confidentiality clause. We will monitor the civillians and usual measures prepared should they try to go public. I don't think they will. Cut to the screen. Man: (o.s.) The Initiative itself will be filled in with concrete. Burn it down, gentlemen. Burn it down, and salt the Earth. The TV screen goes to static. Cut to black.

The Scoobies reveal Adam's plan of releasing an army of hybrid cyborg monsters. A composite being created by a spell, combining the powers and personalities of Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Giles kill Adam after an intense fight.

fd_The_L_Word_06x01

fd_The_L_Word_06x01_0

There's the police. Someone's been killed. A men: Alright, I got it. An other:Take this inside. Get it back off the truck. The policemen: Sergeant, the investigation team is on their way. The policewomen: Okay, tell me what we know. The policemen: It seemed to be having a party of some kind, there are seven ladies inside and a little girl. The little girl was asleep when they found the woman in the swimming pool. The policewomen: Any evidence of drugs or alcohol? The policemen: Oh, just a few drinks and a bottle of wine. That's about it. The policewoman: What about the victim? The policewoman: Evening. My name is Sergeant Marybeth Duffy. Who's the homeowner, please? Bette: Hi, I am Bette Porter. Sergeant Duffy: Bette Porter? Bette: Yes, and this is my partner, Tina Kennard. Tina: Hi. Sergeant Duffy: It's a very beautiful family. Bette: Thank you. Duffy: I don't plan on keeping you long, but I'm sure you understand I've gotta ask a few questions. The dead body comes into the house to go away. We see that it's Jenny. Credits. We return at the past. 3 months earlier. Back at the end of the production of LezGirls. Adele: Jennyfer Schecter. People: We love you Jenny! We love you too, Jenny! Jenny: Thank you. I wanna thank my incredible friends who I, I really love you, guys. You guys have, have shown me loyalty, and so much compassion. And friendship and I, I think that's what "Lez Girls" is all about. It means the world to me more than any other movie or lover. Is, is Nikki here? Cammie: I saw her outside, by the little pagoda. Jenny: I wanna tell her something, 'cause I, I was...I realized something really important this afternoon. That I am madly in love with someone, and it's changed the way I feel about all of this. Thank you for putting up with me. Bette: Thank you, Jenny. MUSIC Tina: Are you kidding me? You agreed to change the ending?! God, it's so... Adele: Tina, it makes total sense that Jesse would go back to Jim in the end. The productor: Jesse never really felt gay at the beginning. Tina: What the f*ck would you know about it?! The productor: What? Tina: That is so f*cked up! The productor: Tina, come on. Tina: You're so f*cking Hollywood! The other men: So Williams spends a little more money. What's the big deal? Tina: This is bullshit! We worked really hard on a movie that we believed in and the marketing people just come along and change the whole ending? The guy gets the girl in the end?! This is the movie that was supposed to change all that. Adele: Look, Tina. If the movie's too gay, it's going to alienate the audience. Tina: Too gay! It's a movie about lesbians. The productor: And the movie is full of lesbians. It's choke full of them. The other men: Bev is a lesbian, Nina's a lesbian, Shaun, Dona, what's your face, the, uh, bisexual? Adele: Alyse. The other men: Alyse! She's not interested. And when we're talking about one character here, it's not that big deal. Tina: I just wanna know one thing. How do you do it? How do you live with yourself? Bette: What the hell is going on? Tina: The studio wants to change the ending of the movie. They want Jesse to go back to Jim. Alice, Kit, Bette: What?! Tina: They think it's too gay. Alice: Too gay? Wait, you're not gonna let them go away with that, are you? Kit: I'm telling you it's the man that does this crazy sh1t. Shane, Jenny and Nikki arrive. Shane was with Nikki when Jenny came to see her. Shane: Jenny, would you talk to me? I'm your friend, please. Jenny: No, Shane. Nikki: You guys, come on. Can we all just be friends, please? Shane: Jenny, I am your friend. I swear. I swear. Jenny: You know what? It's the ultimate betrayal. You've broken my heart. MUSIC Jenny drives home and Shane follows her. Shane tries to call her. Nikki follows her too. Shane: It's... Damnit, Jenny! Nikki: That's right. No, please, don't. No, I have to call you back, okay? I can't talk right now. Shane: f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck. At home. Shane: Jenny, please. Jenny, please, just give me half the chances to explain why the hell I would do something like that. Jenny: f*ck off! Shane: No, no, no, no! Nikki: Wait, you guys! Shane: f*ck! At Alice's home. Alice: You wanna talk about it? Tasha: Talk about what? Alice: Well, you're kicking my shoes. You kind of shiftfaced. Tasha: I'm not shiftfaced. Alice: A little bit. Alice's phone is ringing. Alice: It's Helena. Hold on one second. Hey, Helena, I can't talk. Yeah, no, it's Adele and Tina's creepy boss. They met at the studio secretly. To Tasha: Just one second. And they were just gonna make end into a grobbery left story that makes the lesbian random.I know. That did happen! That's what... Tash! Jesus! I got... Yeah, Jenny made the speech, went outside, saw Shane... You know, I can't talk. It's a bad time. Okay, I'll tell you later. Yeah. Alice: What are you doing? Tasha: Saving you the trouble of breaking up with me. Alice: What? Oh my... You're so wrong about...I changed my mind, okay? Tasha: You changed your mind? Alice: Yeah. Tasha: So you did wanna break up with me, but now you don't. Alice: Okay, listen, I don't want you to just start flying off the handle because it's, it's like... Tasha: When did this all happened? Alice: You know what? I'm not gonna let you just f*cking corner me right now and accuse me and blame me when you know we'd been unhappy! It didn't... The phone is ringing again. Alice: f*ck, it's Jenny. I just think, um... to, I mean... Okay, I do not wanna break up with you. I wanna work this out. I think we owe it to each other. We owe it to ourselves. Tasha: You don't owe me, you don't owe me anything. Alice: I owe it to myself. I... I don't... I don't wanna break up with you. Tasha: So what made you change your mind? Alice: Honestly, I think it was Shane tonight. Tasha: Going down on her best friend's girlfriend. Alice: Yeah, like on the railing outside the Yamashiro for the whole world to see. It just kinda made me think twice about taking her advice. Tasha: So Shane gave you advice? Alice: Oh, come on, we talk about everything. You know that. Don't I... Tasha: And you actually thought about taking it. MUSIC Shane: Jenny, undo the chain. Jenny: No, f*ck off. Shane: Jenny, I don't wanna wake up the whole goddam neighbourhood. Undo the f*cking chain. Jenny: I don't care. Shane: Listen, I know what I did is completely f*cked up, but you do mean the world to me. So please, let me just talk to you and explain to you what happened. Jenny: You're a sad pathetic piece of sh1t! Shane: Jenny, open the door! At Bette and Tina's house. Tina: She's sleeping. She's so pretty congested. You said you gave her some advil? The nurse: Yeah, about an hour and a half ago. Bette: You know, in the future, you should just call us right away. In this way, we'll come straight home. The nurse: Okay, yeah, of course. Bette: That would be great, thank you. Have a good night. Bette: God, she's young. Tina: I'm just so f*cking furious, you know? I know that Adele and Aaron worked him over. William has some integrity. He does. I mean, believe it or not. If I had a chance to talk to him. Bette: You should call him. Tina: It's 1:30 in the morning. Bette: You should call him. It's not like he hasn't called you about half a dozen times in the middle of the night. Tina: You realize he pays my paycheck? Bette: But it doesn't give him rights on you. I mean, from everything you've told me, William responds to strength of conviction. I think that you need to tell him how deeply you feel about this without Adele standing there batting her eyelashes at him. He'll respect it. Shane: Jenny, you've got to let me in. I'm not going away. Let me in. Jenny, I'm not going. Please, let me in. Bette: Poor Shane. Tina: f*ck that! I wouldn't blame Jenny if she never spoke to Shane again. Bette: That's little harsh. Tina: It was unforgivable what Shane did. Bette: Well, maybe it was wrong, but... Tina: Maybe? Bette: Okay, it was wrong. Tina: It was devastating. After everything that Jenny's been through? Bette: Poor Shane, been through a lot too, and she's always been there for Jenny. Tina: Let's not talk about this. Bette: Let's not talk about this. Jenny: No, f*ck off! Nikki: Why don't you just listen to what she has to say? Jenny: f*ck you! Nikki: I did have my keys! Shane: Open the f*cking door! Nikki: They're my keys now! And now, you're gonna have to listen to what we both have to say. Shane: There is, there is absolutely no we. It's just me, it's just me. I wanna talk to you. Jenny: I want you both out of my house, okay? Shane: Listen, let me just say what I have to say and if you want me to go then, then I promise I'll leave. Nikki: Me too. Her phone is ringing. Oh my god! Oh, poor Tiffy! Shane: Listen, I realize I've done a lot of f*cked up sh1t in my life, I acknowledge that, but this is, by far, the most f*cked up thing I have ever done. But you cannot forget that ten days ago you told me that she was dead to you. Jenny: I did say that. Shane: And for some reason in my f*cked up brain that gave me permission and, and I know that breakups take time, and you need that time to heal, and I know that I've encroached on your time to do that and I am sorry. So you tell me. Jenny: Oh god! Shane: What can I do? I will eat dirt, I'll crawl on glass, I'll be... Nikki: Me too, Jenny. I mean I would even drink that Spirulina disgusting stuff for an entire week. I promise you. Shane: I'll be your assistant. I'll be your servant, I'll be your slave, I'll be whatever it takes, but I want you to forgive me. I mean, Jenny, listen, you know me more than anybody else in this world. Jenny: I do. Shane: You're my best friend I've ever had. And I'm so ashamed. I'm profoundly ashamed of what I've done. I need you to know that. My only explanation and I promise it is an explanation it is not an excuse, is that I've been upset about Molly. Jenny: Molly? Why? Shane: She...She gave me hope. She... she... she...She inspired me. Jenny: What?! She inspired you to f*ck my girlfriend on the balustrade of Yamashiro? Shane: I didn't f*ck your girlfriend. Nikki: Yeah Jenny, she only ate me out. Jenny: Oh, right, okay, of course. 'm so stupid! Shane: Listen, if I knew for a split second she was your girlfriend, I wouldn't ever go near that. Listen to me. I understand... MUSIC - Jenny throws away a light. Jenny: Piece of f*cking sh1t! Hang on a sec. Go f*ck yourself! And the f*ck out of my house! Nikki: Jesus! Shane: What the f*ck?! Back to Alice's home. Tasha: I think you're right. I think we probably should break up. Alice: Computer rings. It's Max. He's back...Oh, okay. It's off. It's off. Tasha: We have nothing in common. It was exciting and hot to you when I was a soldier, but we have nothing in common. Alice: We don't have nothing in common. Come on. Tasha: Exactly, we don't have nothing in common. Alice: It's stupid. Tasha: What? It's true. Alice: We have things in common. Tasha: Like what? Alice: We have this. Tasha: Okay, what else? Alice: We have this in common. Tasha: No, no! Alice: What? Tasha: I know we have all of this. But it can't be the only thing. Nikki: f*ck her, right? I mean, we tried. Shane: Shut up, Nikki. Nikki: Why don't you just come with me? I bought a new house from the money I made from my last feature and while my house is under construction, they're putting me up in the Chateau. Come on, it'll be fun. Seriously. Shane: I don't think so. Terrific idea. Jenny: I'll let you know when there is a good time for you to get the rest of your stincky sh1t. And don't come back when I'm here. Bette: Do you think this thing's working? Tina: We have a fever, Pookie, and a nasty cold. Bette: Do you think maybe we should give her some more advil? Tina: I don't know. It's been less in the four hours. Go to sleep. Bette: I'll get it. Bette: God! Phyllis can be such an asshole. No. No, she had no right. Really. Shane: She had every right. Molly's her daughter. She loves her. If I loved someone as much as she loves Molly, I'd tell her not to waste her time with me too. Bette: Oh, come on, you're not a waste of time. Why'd say that? Shane: Thanks, Bette. Bette: Wait, so are you saying that you love Molly? Shane: Yeah. Bette: God! I don't think I've heard you say that since Carmen. Shane: I was faithfull to Molly. Bette: Really? Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh. Shane: No, you can laugh. Bette: No. No, it's just that that's big. It must have been hard. Tina: How hard is it to be faithfull to someone that you're in love with? She's asleep. Shane: Is she okay? Tina: Yeah, she's fine. She just has a really bad cold. Shane: Listen, I know you guys have a lot going on with Angie and everything, but...Can I stay here tonight? I wanna try with Jenny in the morning but I don't have a place to stay. Tina: I'm gonna call William. Bette: Go for it. Tina: Right now. Yeah, I'll go. Bette: No, no, no, just stay. Stay. It's okay. Did you hear what happened with the movie? Aaron, apparently... Tina: Hi, this is Tina Kennard calling for Mr. Halsey. Yes, I know. I know that it is very late. William? William, hi. It's Tina.I'm so sorry to call you in the middle of the night, but I just wanted to take the chance to tell you how passionnate I feel and how strongly I feel that we do not sell out to studio marketers. Bette: And they got him to agree to reshoot the end of the movie. Shane: To what? Bette: Some heterosexist Jesse goes back to Jim and decides she isn't really lesbian after all kind of ending. Shane: You're f*cking kidding me? Tina: No, I promise I do not call you... Shane: This happened tonight? Bette: ... at 2:15 in the morning Tina: to berate you and accuse you of being a sala. I'm sorry. Yes, I, I should have used better judgment. I should have cool my jets and taken my time and called you in the morning to make an appointm... Bette: Oh, my god. Tina: What? So, you wanna sleep on our couch? MUSIC - At the bar. Kit: Okay. How about "Porter-Peabody's"? No, no, no, no, no, sounds like a porter party copy. No, sounds like, you know, no, no, no, okay. Helena: But I like the idea of combining both our names. You know, bring them together? Kit: Kit, Helena...Kelena! Kelena? Okay, alright. Well, the only thing that left is Kit, Helena... Hit! The Hit Club! "Hit"! It's a Hit. Helena: It's a great name for a club. Kit: It's a hit, it's just hit me.That's it! Girl it's hit club! Girl, where you been?! Shane: She's my best friend, Tina. I didn't mean to hurt her. Tina: That is ass backward, Shane. You shouldn't meant not to hurt her. You should think before you act. Shane: You're right. I know. You're right. Tina: The things you do in the dark? They have consequences. Bette: But, no one's saying that what happened was OK, T. I think, maybe you, you might be a little overjudgmental. Tina: You're damn right I am! Shane: No, she's right. You know what? I deserve everything you're saying. Bette: Well, I think that we all have to take in account, you know, a lot of things, before we can judge anyone else's behavior. Tina: I think your unwillingness to judge has a lot more to do with your own history than any accommodation you might make for Shane. Bette: Well, that's what I was saying. I mean, I was admitting that... Shane: Listen, you know what? I don't wanna get you guys into this. I'm gonna get outta there. Tina: Don't. Don't go. Stay. Really. Don't go. Stay, okay? I'm sorry I've busted your chops. I am. It was my own stuff, okay? Stay. Bette: T.? Tina: Please, stay, that's fine. Alice: I said attraction. It's not like it was in a sexual way. It was we had things in common. Like we talked about things that I like. Tasha: Like what? Alice: Like we just talked easily. We had... we had this talk about. You have to understand. Nothing happened. I need you to hear that.Nothing happened. In fact, you know, I think I deserve a little credit. Tasha: Credit for what? Alice: For not doing what every other lesbian would do in the circomstances. I didn't cheat! Tasha: That's a given, Alice.You don't get medals for that. Alice: I'm not saying...I don't... This is such a f*cking trap. I know that you think thinking is cheating, okay? That's the person I'm dealing with. So, I'm trying to say let's be honest, okay? I'm trying to give you some honesty. If we stand a f*cking chance in this relationship, we have to be honest. We have to communicate. That's what I'm doing. I'm admitting that I had a moment, like a moment! Tasha: How much of a moment? Alice: It... like... nothing. Like a nanobig, like a tiny moment. Like a mental... That rings at the door. Let me just get rid of that. Hold on. I mean, I didn't even really kiss her! At all! Shane: What? Alice: No, I just... It's a bad time. It's a bad time. Shane: Hi, Tasha. I was just... Listen. Do you two care if I sleep on the couch tonight? Tasha: What the f*ck do you mean you didn't even really kiss her? Maybe you can give her some more of that good advice. Alice: f*ck! f*ck! Tasha, hold on! It's really bad, but you can't stay here tonight. I'm so sorry. I love you so much but it's really bad and you're not helping my case. Will you lock the door? Okay. I love you. Sorry. Hang on the door! Where are you going? Tasha: At a friend's house. Bette: Oh, my god! You know how to work this thing? Oh wait. I think I pushed it too many times. It's so goddam complicated. Tina: Yes, this is Tina Kennard, mother of Angelica Porter-Kennard. Four and a half. She's really high fever and she is very congested. Can you get a reading? Bette: 104? Tina: 104. Yeah, definitively 104. I think we should just go. Bette: Okay. Tina: Now. Back to Jenny's house. Molly: I don't know where Shane is. I really... I tried to phone her, but it didn't... I don't wanna do this over the phone. Really. I don't know where she is. Okay, I don't know if you know what happened and what my mother said, but...it was around us and Shane was completely justified in the way that she behaved on me the other night and I really, I really need to talk to her. Jenny: I think probably what your mother said to Shane was completely justified. Molly: My mother's a raging bitch and she destroys anyone that gets in her way and I'm not gonna watch her do that to the woman that I love. Jenny: You know that it's Shane's MO to make girls fall in love with her, right? Shane: Yes, I know that, but I also know that what we have is different. Jenny: Right. And then, when girls fall in love with her, they want Shane to be constrained into like a happy family and like a marriage type of relationship and that's not gonna happen. Molly: Yeah. I don't wanna constrain her, I love her for who she is. So if you could just tell me where she is or when she'll be back. Jenny: She's at the Chateau Marmont, and she's f*cking Nikki. I... I don't know when it started happening. I guess they were f*cking around on the Pink Ride or something.'Cause they were always going off together and... I don't know. I remember that Nikki said she ran into Shane in the shower and Nikki comes back and she's still dirty and she's not, she's not wet. Molly: Shane and Nikki hooked up on the Pink Ride? Jenny: I don't know. I don't know if there is any point in rehashing this stuff. Molly, I do know that now that Nikki and I are over Shane's gonna loose interest and move on. Molly: This is her's. If you wouldn't mind giving it to her. There's a, a letter in the inside pocket, in case she didn't get to see it. If you could make sure that she gets that. Thanks. MUSIC - Jenny is reading the letter. Then she'll hide the blouson and the letter. "In your eyes" "I see things I know I can't touch" "I know not to reach for them" "I let them touch me" "And I cherish these moments" "That we're able to share" "However fleeting they may be" Bette and Tina are in the hospital with Angelica. Tina: Once we filled up the form, how long will it take? The receptionist: We'll do our best, M'ame. What else comes in? Bette: She's burning up. It's 3:00 in the morning. Tina: She's really hot. The receptionist: Which one of you is the mother? Tina and Bette: We both are. The receptionist: I need to put one name only. Bette: Are you kidding me? The receptionist: I can't process your paperwork. Bette: This is Los Angeles. There are same s*x families on every f*cking street corner. She was born in this f*cking hospital and both our names are on the birth certificate. So why don't you just give us a f*cking break, you bureaucratic magnet, and get our daughter to see a goddam doctor. Please. Shane is eating in a bar and now is leaving it. Nikki: This is incredible. What are you doing here? Shane: What are you doing here? Nikki: You know, we ate muchies. What are you doing? Shane: I'm leaving. Nikki: You have nowhere to go. So you're coming with us. Come on. See, look, tada! Wonderful goods waiting for you. Poor Shane, Jenny's so mad at her. What? Smile! Don't worry. I'm gonna take care of you, okay? Shane: I don't want you to take care of me. Nikki: Why not? Shane: Cause I don't. Nikki: I can take care of you. Everyone else's mad at you and I'm not. Shane: Fantastic! Nikki: Come on! Smile a little there! Isn't she sexy, you guys! Come on, Shane, relax! Mobile phone. Oh, my god, it's Jenny. She said "If you still wanna come over and see me, you can". Shane: Great. Nikki: You think she's serious? Shane: I don't know, Nikki. I don't. If she texts you and she says that, then yes, she's serious. Nikki: I know but she's been so mean. Shane: I don't know what to tell you. Just go. Just go, okay? Go, go, go. Nikki: Are you gonna be okay? Shane: I'm gonna be fine. Just... Nikki: Do you think she loves me? Shane: I don't know. Sure. Sure. Nikki: Okay. Let's go, you guys. I'll text you later, okay? Come on you guys. Let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] Bette and Tina are back in the car with Angie. Bette: I am mortified. I'm just relieved. I just, I don't know how I got the monitor to read 104 when the temperature's 99.5. Tina: You know, I'm sure it happens all the time with all the tottering L.A. parents. That's one of the things I love about you. Bette: Is that I don't know how to use a digital thermometer? Tina: Because you appear to the most of the world to be so Alpha and in control and I know how hard it is for you to cover up the panic you feel inside. MUSIC - Tasha and Alice arrive to Papi's home. Alice: Who the hell lives here? What the hell are you doing here? Papi: I live here. Maybe I should be asking you that question. Alice: But, you, uh... I thought... You disappeared! I thought you left town or...got arrested by some cop who was pissed off you slept with his wife. Papi: Okay, look who's talking. Alice: Oh, I didn't. I didn't. Did she tell you I did? 'Cause I didn't. Tasha: Throw me the keys. Alice: I didn't. Can I come in? Hello? Can I...Can I come in? I'm coming in. Papi: So, try to make yourself at home, girl, but keep it down, 'cause I'm trying to get some work done in here. Alice: It's 3:00 in the morning. Papi: It's when I do my best work. Alice: Oh my f*cking god! Tasha: Who's that? Alice: Oh, f*cking Gabby Deveaux. Tasha: I take it you know her. Alice: Can I have a beer? It's a twist off? Nikki arrives by Jenny. Jenny: Come here. Honey... Nikki: I swear, I won't do anything to make it up to you. Jenny: We'll see about that. Nikki: I swear, Jenny, I'm so sorry. Okay, I only did it with Shane, let her go down on me because I was devastated about you, Jenny. Jenny: Shh... Nikki: I'm so sorry. I swear. I never meant to do anything to hurt you. I don't wanna loose you. They make love. Alice: Beautiful. Tasha: You've got a problem with that? Alice: You've gotta admit it's a little tacky Tasha: It's her culture. It's not tacky. Alice: Oh, come on. Look at the hat! Tasha: There you go. That's our problem. Alice: There's no problem. I'm just saying. I'm not saying you would buy this. You know who have these? Papi: Don't mind us. Sandwich round. Tasha: You're a snob. Alice: What? Tasha: You weren't like this when I first met you. Papi: Actually, she was a wannabe. And now, she's a wannabe with money. Gaby: Ever think about investing in a stylist with all that money, Alice? Tasha: You need to watch your mouth. Gaby: Ouh, Alice has a big butch daddy to protect her. Can you give me, uh, the liverwurst one? Alice: You sure that's liverwurst I smell? Gaby: I wonder if your friend knows that her girlfriend used to be nicknamed "crash" 'cause she would always show up to parties she wasn't invited to. Alice: That's what my life used to be like. Right there. You're the best person I've ever met. You're strong, you're honest, you're beautiful. I'm not ready to lose you. MUSIC - At the Hit Club A girl: Get your hands off of her! An other girl: Don't you touch me! The girl: What? The second: I said don't f*cking touch me, bitch! The first: What are you gonna do, huh? The second: I swear if you f*cking touch me... Helena: Everybody keep their hands of everybody else in Hit Club. Unless they're loving hands. Shane: Can I have a drink? Please? Helena: Make that two. On me. Women are poison. You know that? Two. Bette: I just wanna apologize. Tina: You already did. Bette: No, I mean for defending Shane tonight. I feel like I might have sent the wrong message. Tina: It doesn't matter. We just fall in two different sides of this, that's all. It's fine. Bette: Given my history, I just, I don't wanna be casual about the promise that I made to you. Tina: I didn't know you made any promises. Bette: Well, I'm making a promise to you right now. I promise that I share your values about family and faithfulness and commitment and that I will never ever cheat on you again. Tina: I love you. Alice: Come home with me. I promise I won't make any gross noises like that. Tasha: Oh, I'm not sleeping with you. Alice: Okay, fine, no s*x tonight. Tasha: No, I mean, I'm not even sleeping in your bed, not until we figure some sh1t out. Alice: Whatever you say, fine. Tasha: What was that? Alice: What? It's my happy dance. Tasha: You never make noises like that. Kit: Shane, baby girl. Helena: Hey, sweetie, come on. It's time to go home. Kit: Hold on the... Yeah. I got it, I got it, I got it. Helena: Your arms are around my neck. I'm gonna pull you. Please, put your... Kit: Are you okay? You're okay? Shane: What time is it? Kit: It's time to go home. Shane: What are we gonna do? Kit: Come on, girl. One of us has to take her. Okay, alright, I'll take her. Come on. Come on, Shane, you're going with me. Come on. Put your arms around... Hang on, hang on, hang on. Shane: What time is it? Kit: Okay, it's time for you to go home. Shane: Where is my bag? Kit: We... we got it, we got it, we got it. We got your bag, we got your bag. Helena: It's okay, it's here. Kit: Okay, let's go. Helena: See you tomorrow. Kit: Come on, Shane. Come on. Put one step in front of the other. Come on, you can do it. One more step. Come on. Helena: Alright, good night. Alice: This is stupid. Would you just come to the bedroom? Or let me sleep on the sofa while you go to the bedroom 'cause it's not fair, I mean, you don't have to be banished from the sofa. Tasha: This is fine. This is actually hundred times more comfortable than half the places I've slept. Alice: Really? I never slept on that. Do you mind if I just...It's soft. This is nice. It's really good. Tasha: What are you doing? Alice: What? It's a nice place to sleep but I'm not currently sleepy. Tasha: Lay still. Alice: What? Tasha: Stop it. Just lay still! Alice: What? What?! Tasha: Lay still! Alice: But...Am I too scrummy? Tasha: Yes, you are. Turn around. Come on. That's it. We're not doing this. We're not doing this. Not until we're sure that we're gonna, that we're gonna stay together. I'm serious. Alice: Oh, I know you're serious.Yes. You're a very serious person. Tasha: Yeah, and you're not. One more thing we don't have in common. Alice: Wait a minute. That's not true. Tasha: It is. Alice: No, I can be very serious. Tasha: Really? Alice: Watch. Wait, you made me laugh. Hold on. Tasha: What's with the flared nostrils though? Is that... Is that part of your serious look? Alice: Listen, don't judge me! What are we gonna do? Tasha: Should go to therapy? Alice: Oh, hell, no. I'm not going to therapy. Tasha: Why? What's wrong with therapy? Alice: Therapy is for people with problems. Tasha: Oh yeah, so let's not go to that. 'Cause we're good. Alright. Well, maybe we'll see. Kit: Oh, I know, girl. I know. You did some damnit sh1t. Shane: I f*cked up, Kit. I totally f*cked up. It wasn't even worth it, that's the worst part. It was such a waste. Kit: You know, Jenny, she gonna get over it. Shane: No, she's not. Kit: Oh, yeah. Shane: No, she's not. She's not gonna get over it. There's no way. She's... She's too delicate. She's way too delicate and I don't just mean that whole movie thing with Adele and Nikki, I just mean in general. She's...she's fragile. And the worst part, the part that makes me the most sick is that I was probably the last person she would ever expect to do something like this. And I did it. Kit: Yeah, you did it. You know, it seems like her life has just been one big ass-whooping, you know? It's... Shane: I know. It's so hot in here. Why is that? Kit: Come on. Take off your socks. Just, just relax. Shane: f*ck! Kit: You know, you know what you should do? Shane: I can't do anything. Kit: Yeah, you can. You need to fight. You need to fight for Jenny. You see, you kinda just let all your women go. Carmen, Molly... Shane: No, no, Jenny's my friend... Kit: That's why you can do it. Fight for the friendship. Friendship.Let her know that you'll, you'll fight to the death to let her know you're not gonna let her go. You're not gonna lose this friendship. MUSIC - Back with Jenny and Nikki Nikki: Good morning. I'm so happy everything's okay between us. God, you're so sexy. I love you so much And...Last night, you know, after everything that happened with Shane, it was so romantic when you said that I broke your heart..."You've broken my heart". Jenny: You didn't break my heart. You're nothing but a self absorbed, self-indulgent little brat. And our affair on set was nothing but a showmance. And when I said that you broke my heart, I wasn't talking about you, darling. It's time for you to go. MUSIC - At the Planet Shane: I'm moving into a hotel. Helena: Morning. Shane, why don't you come sit with me at the counter? Jenny: I don't want to have memories... Shane: No, it's okay. I got it. It's okay. Helena: She's really pissed. Bette: Shane, why don't you have a seat? Jenny: If she sits there, then I'm gonna leave. Bette: Jenny, come on. Shane: I'd like to talk to you. Jenny: Do you, do you guys wanna have a drink with me? Tina: Sorry. Bette: It's okay. Jenny: Helena, could we just have some service, please? Thank you. Bette: You wanna sit down? Shane: Sure. Bette: Where did you sleep last night? Shane: Kit's. Helena: Excuse me, ladies. Do enjoy. Jenny: Thanks. Helena: For you, an expresso. Shane: You're sweet. Thank you. Helena: Tea. Kit: Come on, girls! You've gotta be kidding, right?! End of the episode

Picking up immediately after where Season 5 left off, Niki tries to deal with her betrayal to Jenny as they both attempt to figure out their feelings for one another. Shane awkwardly tries to apologize to Jenny, who responds by threatening to evict Shane from her house. Jenny further meddles in Shane's life when she has a run-in with Molly, and tells her that Shane is dating someone else. Jenny then invites Niki over back at the house where they have a passionate night of sex, only for Jenny to reject her the next morning for the sole purpose to emotionally hurt Niki. Meanwhile, Bette and Tina get worried when Angelica (Olivia Windbiel) comes down with a fever which gradually gets worse. Alice and Tasha cannot decide whether to break up or stay together since their different views on life strain their romance to the breaking point. Alice and Tasha end up at Papi's apartment seeking relationship advice. Elsewhere, Helena and Kit celebrate after taking over SheBar nightclub and formally rename the place, Hit!

fd_One_Tree_Hill_05x09

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[PREVIOUSLY_ON] PEYTON : I still love you, Lucas. LUCAS : Peyton, I... LINDSEY : Lucas asked me to marry him. WHITEY : What the hell is this? MOUTH : Well, we have this website. JIMMY : Yeah, we're sports announcers. JIMMY : Everyone get away from the door! MOUTH : Jim, you can't do this. JIMMY : It's a little late for that, Mouth. LUCAS : You're bleeding. We got to get you somewhere safe. PEYTON : No, I can't! I can't walk. I tried. KEITH : Jimmy, please... JIMMY : I'm sorry. KEITH : No! MOUTH : He was my friend. I... I miss him a lot. PEYTON : Lucas, look me in the eye and tell me that that kiss did not feel exactly the same as it felt three years ago. LUCAS : I'm in love with her, Peyton. MOUTH (voiceover) : Take a look at this picture. What do you see? There's a high school basketball game tonight somewhere in America, and there's a great story there. But sometimes, to find it, you have to look away... into the shadows, on the fringe of the obvious. Can you see it? Look closer. CLASSEROOM While we hear Mia singing, we see Haley with some student in a classroom. Then one of the student is actually Mia. PEYTON : Cut! Cut! Great. Really great work, Mia. Excellent. Thank you guys very much. We can check that and move on. HALEY : Hey PEYTON : How crazy is this? It looks just like your classroom. HALEY : It's so crazy. GUY: All right, it's good. Let's move on. PEYTON : Thank you. HALEY : I kind of need to get out of here. I don't know if you need me for closeups... PEYTON : No, no, no. You're good. HALEY : Okay. All right, see you. PEYTON : Oh, Haley... Okay, about the whole Lucas engagement thing... I just... LUCAS : You got to let him go, Peyton. PEYTON : I know. It's just hard. HALEY : It'll be okay. I'll see you at the game. MIA : This is so awesome. What's next? PEYTON : We go hand-held. INTERIOR TREE HILL GYM Mouth is alone in the empty gym. Skills walks in MOUTH : Local boys make good. A new era dawns. Come on, find the story. SKILLS : Tonight's the big night, baby. First game of the season and broadcasting debut for Marvin McFadden. MOUTH : It's just a taped segment. I'm not even sure they're gonna run it. SKILLS : Man, they gonna run it. Look, you gonna throw down so hard, they gonna have to run it. Got an angle, right? MOUTH : Yeah, I'm thinking, "former state champions take over." Something like that. SKILLS : Yeah, that's all good. Well, look, if you need anything, I got you. All-access, baby. (Skills starts leaving) SKILLS : Hey, Mouth. Relax, dog. You gonna do great, all right? INTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Haley is getting ready, Nathan arrives HALEY : Hey, sorry. I'll just be one more minute. I've never seen Jamie so keyed up. He's so excited about this game. (Nathan is looking at her, not saying anything) HALEY : Everything all right? NATHAN : I have to tell you something. It's about Carrie. (Carrie walks in) CARRIE : I should probably be the one to tell her. I have to give my two weeks notice. HALEY : Why? CARRIE : Because I got accepted to a graduate program that I thought I couldn't afford, but I got a last-minute scholarship offer, and I think I have to take it. HALEY : Well, of course you do. Congratulations. We're gonna miss you. I hope Jamie doesn't take it too hard. CARRIE : Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, too. More than you know. LUCAS' OFFICE Lucas is sitting in the dark, Mouth arrives MOUTH : Hey, Luke. You working on the game plan? LUCAS : Actually... I was just thinking about Keith. Wishing he were here, you know? MOUTH : I've been thinking about Jimmy all week. What I wouldn't give to trade this day for that one. (Mouth shows a picture of Jimmy and he) MOUTH : I see they took Dan's jersey down in the gym. I'm glad. LUCAS : Jimmy'd be proud of you. MOUTH : Thanks. You too. Good luck, Luke. LUCAS : Thanks, Mouth. You too. (Mouth leaces) LUCAS : Oh, Keith, please help me out tonight. BOYS LOCKER ROOM Quentin is getting ready and put a bandage on his right hand. Jamie is imitating him QUENTIN : So, what you think, bro? It's good? JAMIE : Yeah, good. QUENTIN : Yeah. PEYTON'S OFFICE Mia is looking at the Friends with Benefit poster MIA : Hey, Peyton, is that really who you used to be? PEYTON : Yep, that's me. Come on. MIA : Wow. You were really cool. What happened? PEYTON : Watch it. MIA : So, tell me again... we're going to see the team that your ex-boyfriend coaches, but now he's engaged to Haley's friend, right? PEYTON : Okay. You want to see where I went to high school or not? MIA : No, totally. I just want to know who we hate before we get there. Peyton opens the big door in her office and we magically jump into Tree Hill gym. We can see Lindsey and Brooke on the other side of the gym sitting on the bench. PEYTON : You see the girl showing off her cheap-ass engagement ring to my best friend? MIA : Yeah. Lindsey, right? PEYTON : That's who we hate. INTERIOR TREE HILL HIGH Peyton and Mia are walking in the school hallways PEYTON (angry) : She knows exactly what she's doing. I cannot believe that Lindsey invited Brooke to the game. It's bad enough she's got Lucas, but now she's got to snake in on my friends, too? MIA : I once put a hex on a girl I hated, and it totally worked. PEYTON : Maybe you could give her a horrible rash or something for the wedding. MIA : Totally. So are we gonna go back or what? I'm pretty excited about this catfight. PEYTON : Do you want to see the place where I got shot and almost bled to death or what? MIA : The catfight can wait. INTERIOR TREE HILL GYM Haley joins Brooke and Lindsey LINDSEY : Hey, we saved you a seat. HALEY : Thank you so much. Oh, I can't wait to get a good shot of Jamie... with my camera that I don't have. It's in my classroom. BROOKE : Can we go with you? I'm dying to see teacher girl's classroom. HALEY : All right. Come on. BOYS LOCKER ROOM SKILLS : All right, let's go. Listen up. LUCAS : Four years ago, we won a state championship. And since then, there's been a lot of losing. But this is a new team, and this is your house. Good teams win at home. SKILLS : Every game. LUCAS : Every game. And this is a good team. Believe in that. Believe in each other. It all starts tonight, boys. (the all team cheer) LUCAS : A new team deserves a new look. (Skills gives them new jerseys) SKILLS : You should win half of your games just for looking so damn good. LUCAS : Jamie Scott! You better suit up, too, son. (Lucas gives Jamie a small jersey with the number 23) LUCAS : If Q's hand isn't right, we might need you. ALL PLAYERS : Go, Jamie! Go, Jamie! INTERIOR TREE HILL HIGH / THE LIBRARY Haley, Brooke and Lindsey are walking in the school hallways. They pass by the library. BROOKE : This is so weird. I feel like I haven't walked these halls in 20 years. LINDSEY : Hey. Isn't that Mia? HALEY : Okay. BROOKE : Yeah. (They walk inside the library) HALEY : Mia? What are you doing here? (Peyton appears from the side) HALEY : Oh. Hey, Peyton. PEYTON : Hey, check it out. It's my old friends, Brooke and Haley, and their new pal, Lindsey. BROOKE : Peyton, we made plans for tonight before you... LINDSEY : Before you called me a bitch. PEYTON : Bitch? No. No, I did not call you a bitch. I said I didn't like you. BROOKE : Peyton... LINDSEY : No, you don't have to make apologies to her, just like I'm not apologizing because I'm engaged to Lucas and she's not. PEYTON : You know, I really was gonna try to be nice to you, but I think that's officially over. LINDSEY : Works for me. PEYTON : Great. LINDSEY : I'm gonna head back. PEYTON : Hey, if you get tired dragging that fat ass back to the gym, there is a water fountain down the hall. LINDSEY : Whatever, you bulimic bitch. (Lindsey starts to leave but can't open the door) LINDSEY : I can't. There's no handle. (Brooke is finding a paper) BROOKE : They're fixing them over the weekend. LINDSEY : So what's that mean? HALEY : I think it means we're stuck. LINDSEY (screaming) : Help! Help! Somebody! BROOKE (screaming) : Help us! LINDSEY : Somebody, please! Lindsey is still screaming at the door. LINDSEY : Somebody get us out of here! Help! HALEY : Lindsey, nobody's gonna hear you. They're all at the game. LINDSEY : We cannot be locked in here. I am totally claustrophobic. MIA : But it's, like, a huge library. LINDSEY : It's the "locked in" part. HALEY : Relax. You'll be okay. BROOKE : Okay, they're fixing all the other doors. No handles. PEYTON : And the phones seem to be out. HALEY : All the calls will go through the office. Nobody's answering. PEYTON : Does anybody have cell phone reception? 'Cause I got nothing. HALEY : I don't. BROOKE : Nobody ever gets cell phone reception in here. Except for me, 'cause the world loves me! I'm gonna call Mouth. I'll have us out of here in two seconds. (We see mouth's bag in Lucas' office) MOUTH VOICEMAIL : Hey, this is Mouth. Please leave me a message. BROOKE : It went to voice mail. HALEY : There's got to be somebody else we can call to get out of here. LINDSEY : Call the police. 911. PEYTON : Really ? There's someone out there getting murdered, and we're gonna bother the police? No. There is somebody that we know who's not coaching or playing in this game. BROOKE : Don't ask me. I just moved here. PEYTON : Brooke. BROOKE : I don't want to. PEYTON : Brooke. BROOKE : I don't even know his number. HALEY : What are you talking about? PEYTON : Brooke's gonna call Owen, her new bartender crush, to get us out. BROOKE : I am not. It's too soon. HALEY : Brooke, we're gonna miss the game. BROOKE : I don't want to call him! It violates all the rules of dating etiquette. I am gonna look desperate, he has to do us a favor, and then he can make fun of me for it. HALEY : Oh, my God. BROOKE : Fine. I will call him, but if he does not sleep with me after this, it is your fault... all of you. HALEY : I think I'm okay with that. (Brooke looks at her phone and laughs) PEYTON : What? BROOKE : My battery just died! It's great! Isn't that great? HALEY : Brooke, we're stuck! LINDSEY : Uh, stuck is not good. HALEY : Come sit down for a second, ok? All right, just breathe and close your eyes and try and think of a place that makes you happy and calm. You got it? Where are you? LINDSEY : I'm with my dad. We're walking near Walden Pond. It's fall. The leaves are changing. HALEY : You're not here. You're there. Better? LINDSEY : Yeah. HALEY : Okay. PEYTON : Hey, Mia, are you okay? MIA : I'm great. I actually think this is kind of awesome. I can finally get to know you guys. I have questions. PEYTON : No. Now is not the time. MIA : Oh, come on. You guys totally fascinate me. Especially you, Brooke. BROOKE : Really? Well, in that case, ask away, my dear. MIA : Okay. Like, you're really successful, right? Like, really cool and rich? BROOKE : Yes, yes, and yes. MIA : So why do you let that horrible stink of a mom boss you around all the time? BROOKE : You should quit being so nosy. HALEY : Come on, Brooke. You know she's not nice. BROOKE : I'm not talking about my mom. PEYTON : She doesn't appreciate you. BROOKE : She is my mother, all right? LINDSEY : That doesn't make it right. BROOKE : Okay. It's time for the two new kids to stay the hell out of it, and as for you two, I expect you both to understand. HALEY : What's that supposed to mean? BROOKE : You know what it means. Neither of your moms were around... at least not in all the time that I've been friends with you. I'm sorry for that, but what if you had a chance to have them back in your lives? PEYTON : Brooke, I would love to have them back... both of them, all right? But I would hope that they'd be coming back because they love me, not because they wanted to run my label. BROOKE : Oh, the label I financed? PEYTON : Easy. I'm with you. BROOKE : Now. You are with me now, Peyton, but for the last four years, my mom has been with me every day, helping me create a pretty great company. HALEY : That's... not true. I was with you when you created that pretty great company, and so was Peyton. Maybe your mom made it bigger, but you created it all by yourself. You did. You made it great before your mom even stepped into the picture. BROOKE : You guys don't know anything about it. HALEY : Maybe not, but I do know that a mother's love is unconditional, and you don't have to earn it, you don't have to sign a fashion label to keep it. It just is. BROOKE : You don't know anything about it. Lindsey is watching the window, holding a chair. Haley comes to see her HALEY : You okay? LINDSEY : I'm thinking I can break this window. HALEY : Lindsey, somebody's gonna come get us out of here. LINDSEY : I can do it. HALEY : No... oh! Okay. (Lindsey brings up the chair above her head, but falls on her back) LINDSEY : Jeez, that chair is really heavy. Behind some shelves, Brooke is reading "b. davis" alone. Peyton comes to see her PEYTON : Check it out. I found librarian Glaufelte's stash. We always knew she was boozy. Do you want some? (Peyton shows her the bottle of whiskey, Brooke doesn't answer) PEYTON : Whatcha readin'? BROOKE : "B. Davis"... She came up with this, Peyton. The magazine, the high-end clientele... Victoria did all of it. PEYTON : I know. But it's not called "V. Davis", is it? BROOKE : All those years growing up, I just wanted her to see me. To see me and appreciate me and maybe love me. And now that I have it, even if it's for the wrong reasons, it's hard to let it go. Can you understand that? PEYTON : Yeah. Lindsey is walking in the main room. Mia is using a computer and Haley is playing cards. LINDSEY : This is terrible. It's Lucas' first game, we're stuck in this stupid library. Ah, I wish we knew the score. MIA : Ravens down by 8. Wait, let me refresh. Ravens down by 10. HALEY : Are you online? MIA : Yeah. HALEY : Brooke, Peyton, come here. We got internet. MIA : Hey, you guys want to see me at Trick? LINDSEY : Okay, there's got to be a way we can use this to get out. MIA : Or at least order a pizza. I'm starving. PEYTON : No, that's it. BROOKE : Do we need to be thinking about food right now? PEYTON : No, we order pizza online. We have it delivered here so we can get out. Okay, Blackwell's pizzeria... they are... open. You can order online, and they deliver. BROOKE : Nice. So, what are we getting? PEYTON : What? BROOKE : What kind of pizza? PEYTON : I don't know. Mushroom and sausage. BROOKE : No mushroom, please. PEYTON : Brooke. MIA : I'm totally with Brooke. Canadian bacon? BROOKE : Canadian bacon. Extra cheese. HALEY : Guys, seriously LINDSEY : Just order the damn pizza. PEYTON : Do not yell at me. LINDSEY : I'll yell at you if I want. Just order it! Freaking sausage, canadian bacon, freaking mushroom... I want to get the hell out of here! PEYTON : We all want to get the hell out of here, okay? Don't yell at me! HALEY : Calm down! God. BROOKE : Just no mushroom. PEYTON : There. It's ordered. Are we all happy now? BROOKE : What'd we get? PEYTON : No mushroom, Brooke, okay? No "mush," no "room"... no mushroom! HALEY : Relax, okay? The pizza guy's gonna come, he's gonna let us out, and maybe we'll make the end of the game, so in the meantime, everybody calm down! (Haley goes sit and nobody talks for a while) MIA : You did a great job with my record, Haley. HALEY : Thank you... Where did that come from? MIA : I don't know. I just think we tear each other down enough, you know? And sometimes you should tell people the things that you love about them, like something they're really great at or a quality they have that you admire, and you did a really good job. PEYTON : Courage. Haley's courageous. BROOKE : And strong. LINDSEY : And kind. MIA : See, don't you feel like you're pretty awesome now? HALEY : Yeah, I kinda do. MIA : Okay, do me. What's great about me? HALEY : Your voice is an amazing gift. LINDSEY : The fact that you came up with this game. PEYTON : Your boobs. BROOKE : And your lips. I would kill for lips like that. And you've got good legs. It's like a whole... MIA : Okay. Before this turns into a women-in-prison film, I think we should move on. MIA : Lindsey. Your eyes are, like, not even fair. HALEY : You're also one of the smartest people I know. LINDSEY : I am not. BROOKE : And you're classy. LINDSEY : You guys... BROOKE : Peyton, isn't there something nice you'd like to say about Lindsey? PEYTON : She got decent taste in men. (Peyton dinks some whiskey) PEYTON : This game sucks. (Peyton starts leaving but stops when Lindsey starts talking) LINDSEY : I'm intimidated by Peyton. I spent a year editing a book that was basically a love letter to her. I watched how caring and meticulous Lucas was with the words he chose for her, like he was still holding on to her. Sometimes I think he still is. PEYTON : Which is why he proposed to you, right? Yeah, I can see that. (Peyton leaves) PEYTON : God, I hate this library. Haley and Lindsey are on the computer. Mia joins them MIA : I found it. HALEY : A way out? MIA : No. Lucas' book. I never read it. Peyton is sitting a the same place she was with Lucas the day of the shooting. Brooke comes and sit with her. PEYTON : They replaced the carpet. This is where Lucas and I hid out during the school shooting, but they changed the carpet. It doesn't match. BROOKE : I'm not gonna tell you how to be with Lindsey... but most of your life, I've known you to take the high road. PEYTON : I know, Brooke. I'm so sick of looking at her and her precious ring. BROOKE : You mean your precious ring? Back in the main room, Haley and Lindsey are having fun and Mia is reading Lucas' book. LINDSEY : All right. (Haley is trying to throw some peanut? Into Lindsey's mouth) LINDSEY : One more. HALEY : Oh... LINDSEY : Score me. Score me, Haley. HALEY : Ravens are down by 9. Halftime. MIA : Wait. Hold on. Are you telling me Lucas slept with Peyton, Brooke, and you, Lindsey? LINDSEY : Yeah. Not all at the same time. (Haley and Lindsey laugh) MIA : Jeez, Haley, you sure you never got in on that? HALEY : Ew, he's like my brother. MIA : I'm just saying. Jamie looks a lot like him. LINDSEY : Ah, they're like twins. HALEY : They are not! (Brooke arrives) BROOKE : Yes, they are. And what inbred moron is taking so long with our pizza? In the hallway we see the pizza guy arriving, it's Tim. He stops when he sees Brooke inside the library TIM : Well, well, well. Inside, Mia is on the computer, Haley finds a guitar on a shelf. Lindsey is drinking the bottle of whiskey MIA : Oh, my God, 4,000 hits for my video at Trick. Listen to these comments. "You rock. Where can I buy this?" LINDSEY : That's really great, Mia. MIA : "This song is awesome. I'd love to see this chick... naked." Ew. HALEY : It's just one comment. MIA : No, wait, there's more. "Another pop princess who can't sing or play, "She looks like she smells like dirty feet"? What's wrong with people? HALEY : You need to stop. Do you know what people use the internet for? LINDSEY : p0rn and complaining. HALEY : Yep. MIA : But that's so not fair. They have to know there's somebody reading this. HALEY : It's the easiest thing in the world to tear down somebody's work. The hard part is actually creating it. It's criticism versus creation. Do you love making music? MIA : Yeah. HALEY : Okay, so, the rest doesn't matter. (Haley gives Mia the guitar) MIA : Easy for you to say. They didn't say you smell like feet. LINDSEY : Oh, sticks and stones, Mia. (Brooke and Peyton arrive) PEYTON : Right. This coming from the girl that couldn't handle it when I said I didn't like her. LINDSEY : Okay. Let's just check the scorecard on this one, miss "pity me." You dated the guy two years ago, you disappeared, then you come back and expect him to drop everything for the love of your bony jobless ass. WTF? HALEY : Okay, D.U.I. PEYTON : Nice work, Haley. Better save ol' drinky here before I kick her spoiled ass all the way back to Walden Pond. LINDSEY : Oh, yeah? PEYTON : Yeah. LINDSEY : Guess this is the second time you'll be bleeding all over this library. (Lindsey and Peyton start a fight, Brooke and Haley try to stop them PEYTON : You think that's funny?! (Tim walks in, everybody stops) TIM : Tim Smith is in the lib-ra-zee! BROOKE : Oh, my God. Oh, my God! (Brooke sees the door of the library is almost closed, she starts running but Tim stops her by taking her in his arms) TIM : Oh, my God! BROOKE : Tim, put me down! TIM : Brooke, it's so good to see... BROOKE : You idiot! The door is locked! TIM : No, it's not. I just walked in, Brooke. BROOKE : From the outside, Tim. The door is locked from the outside. We cannot get out! TIM : Girl, chill. I'll just call somebody at the pizza place and have them send someone... I left my phone in my scooter. Motorcycle. It's a motorcycle. Well, since we're locked in here all alone... who wants a piece? Extra sausage. LUCAS' OFFICE At the half-time, Mouth is alone MOUTH : Ravens trail by 9. Sold-out crowd. Come on, Mouth. There's a great story here. Find it. (Mouth find the picture of Jimmy and he in his pocket and looks at it) [SCENE_BREAK] TREE HILL HIGH LIBRARY They are all together eating pizza BROOKE : Oh, my God. MIA : If you had to eat any part of a person to stay alive, what would you eat? BROOKE : What? MIA : Like... I don't know... say we ran out of food and Haley died. HALEY : Thanks a lot. MIA : Okay, someone else dies, and we need to survive. What do you eat? TIM : I know what I'm starting with. (Tim is looking at Brooke's boobs) BROOKE : Don't say it, perv. LINDSEY : Love handles. I'd make, like, beef jerky out of their love handles. You could snack for days. BROOKE : Ew... I so would not eat someone's love handles. MIA : Well, you're gonna starve, and we're all gonna eat you. BROOKE : No one gonna's eat me, ther. BROOKE (to Tim) : No! PEYTON : You know, I could eat your neck like a vampire. BROOKE : You guys, seriously. PEYTON : What's the big deal? You're dead, and I'm hungry. MIA : Yeah, don't you want us to live? HALEY : We're hungry, Brooke. BROOKE : Okay. Chow down, but I am gonna haunt each and every one of you. TIM : I believe in ghosts. MIA : Totally. PEYTON : Yeah, don't even get me started. HALEY : Do you believe in ghosts, Linds? LINDSEY : I think if someone dies suddenly, especially before their time, maybe they get confused. They don't know to leave a place. TIM : You think they're still here, then? Jimmy Edwards and Keith? TREE HILL HIGH Mouth is sitting in the hallway, looking at the picture MOUTH : I wish you were here tonight, Jim. We were supposed to do this together. TREE HILL HIGH LIBRARY TIM : And this is a picture of my son. A lot of people say he looks like me, but I'm not quite sure he's that handsome. HALEY : He's really something. What's his name? TIM : Nathan. MIA : Mine's a snow day. My happy place. Lindsey's is Walden Pond. Mine's a snow day in Ohio. HALEY : No school. MIA : I'd stay in bed under the warm covers, and my mom would bring me hot chocolate. How 'bout you, Peyton? Your mom ever bring you hot chocolate on a snow day? PEYTON : No, I didn't have... I didn't have a whole lot of snow days. Brooke and I did build a pretty killer snow fort once. LINDSEY : And you sat in it, and you worried that your lives were about to change. PEYTON : Just because you edited a book about my life doesn't mean you know anything about me. LINDSEY : I didn't mean anything by it. I was just... It's a beautiful story. (Mia starts playing guitar) HALEY : That's nice, Mia. MIA : Thanks. I've had this melody forever and just don't have the lyrics yet. HALEY : Why don't you keep playing it and maybe we can help you? PEYTON : I think maybe we should probably just work on that in the studio, alone. LINDSEY : Oh, for God's sakes. What am I gonna do... steal Mia's song? PEYTON : I don't know. Songs? Friends? LINDSEY : What about you, scraggly? I heard you stole Lucas from Brooke once. Pot, meet kettle. PEYTON : Ass, meet face. MIA (singing) : Pot, meet kettle Ass, meet face... I don't think that's gonna work, guys. TIM : Wait! That's hot! No, drop that bomb again! I got something. MIA : Yeah? All right, ready? TIM : Okay. MIA : One, two, three, four... (Mia starts playing) TIM (singing) : Straight from the ghetto, Packing wood like Geppetto ain't gonna bathe till I look like Jared Leto (everybody laugh) TIM : What... HALEY : Nice. PEYTON : Don't laugh at him. LINDSEY : You're right. Creation versus criticism. Let me try one. MIA : Two, three, four... LINDSEY (singing) : My name's Peyton Fake, blond Peyton I don't have a boyfriend 'Cause I'm a bitch PEYTON : Play it again, Mia. HALEY : Guys, we need to stop. PEYTON : Mia. MIA : One, two, three, four... PEYTON (singing) : Her name's Lindsey... man-faced Lindsey and her fianc proposed to me first with the very same ring! LINDSEY : You're lying. PEYTON : Oh, you didn't know? BROOKE : Peyton PEYTON : No, is she gonna cry? LINDSEY : Stop it. PEYTON : Go ahead, let's cry, little rich girl. LINDSEY : I said stop it. PEYTON : Is daddy gonna throw you a great, big, huge wedding at Walden Pond for his little crybaby daughter? HALEY : Peyton, you don't know what you're talking about! PEYTON : It's fine. Daddy's gonna make everything better for the little rich girl that got everything she ever wanted! LINDSEY : He's dead! All right, Peyton? He's dead. He died two years ago from cancer, but not until he couldn't walk or talk or even recognize me. Does that make you happy? Does that make you feel better? That his death is with me every day, that I was the one who had to turn off the ventilator because my mother was too destroyed to do it? You want to hear the sound he made before he took that last breath? Oh, 'cause I can still hear it exactly how it sounded. Oh, does that make you happy? Are you glad that my life isn't perfect? PEYTON : Lindsey... LINDSEY : I used to admire the Peyton from the book. She seemed so noble... kind. I wish she were here, Peyton. That version of you. What happened to her? (Lindsey leaves and Haley follows her) Some of the characters are over singing a small part of the song MIA (singing voiceover) : I was true as the sky is blue But I couldn't soon Say the same for you, no, no So now I find denial in my eyes I'm mesmerized by the... the picture that's in my mind now So tell me when I finally see your shattered heart What it is, yeah 'Cause I don't want to keep on believing in illusions No, no, no 'cause I've seen your act and I know all the facts I'm still in love with you, I wish you were here And it ain't hard to see who you are underneath I'm still in love with you, I wish you were... I wish you were here I wish you were here TREE HILL HIGH LIBRARY Brooke is with Peyton, Haley joins them HALEY : God, the last time I was trapped in the school was the shooting. You know how Lindsey and I got so close? She was... editing Lucas' book, and I still wasn't really sure about her 'cause I was rooting for Lucas to be with my friend Peyton... or maybe even Brooke. Anyway, she... she was working on the chapter about the shooting, and she said to me, "I want this to be Lucas' best writing... the best he has in him... because Peyton deserves it. Jimmy and Keith deserve it, and that day deserves it." And we've been friends ever since. Lindsey is alone, crying, Peyton comes to see her PEYTON : Can I please talk with you? (Lindsey starts to leave) PEYTON : I'm sorry. God, Lindsey, I'm sorry. I am so sorry for what I said about your father, okay? I lost my mom to cancer, and I... I'm sorry. I don't know what it is, but you bring out the insecurities in me, and I end up being the worst possible version of myself. LINDSEY : Welcome to the club. PEYTON : Haley told me what you said about wanting to get that chapter right in the book, the one about the school shooting. And I think that's what makes it so hard, you know... the fact that Lucas has found this person that's so great and that has such a big heart... And it was never my ring. I was just trying to hurt you. And the only reason I recognized it is 'cause that's the ring Keith gave Karen when he proposed to her, before he walked into this school and never walked out again. So you have to know how much Lucas loves you if he wanted you to have it. LINDSEY : Why would you tell me that? PEYTON : So you stop doubting it. So we stop doing this. God, you gave me a clean slate, and I said something dumb that I didn't even mean, and I was just too stubborn to take it back. I guess it's obvious that I'm not the Peyton in the book anymore. The truth is, I never was. LINDSEY : I think you were. And I think you still are. It's just... you're not that couple anymore. And in a way, it breaks my heart, 'cause I really was rooting for them. But Lucas and I have written our own chapter now, and that's a chapter I won't apologize for. PEYTON : No, you don't have to. And you don't have a man face or a big ass. The fact is, you have a pretty great ass, so... LINDSEY : Okay. Before this turns into a women-in-prison film... maybe we should move on. PEYTON : Moving on sounds... overdue. Haley and Brooke are playing with some card, Tim is watching. Mia is reading HALEY : "M"? Mono. BROOKE : Monkey. Yes! TIM : Well, guess it's time for me to get back to work. BROOKE : But you're forgetting something, short bus. The door's locked. TIM : No big deal. BROOKE : What? (Tim walks to the door and find an easy way to open it) PEYTON : Oh, my God! Did you know how to do that this whole time?! TIM : Yeah. HALEY : Why didn't you say something? TIM : I miss you guys. Nobody keeps in touch anymore. TREE HILL GYM The game is finished and the gym is almost empty. LUCAS : Would you look at that? You can still see where Dan's jersey used to hang. NATHAN : It's kind of eerie, huh? LUCAS : You know, that's weird. I expected to see Lindsey here. Have you talked to Haley tonight? NATHAN : Now that you mention it, no, but I've been trying to avoid her. LUCAS : What's going on? NATHAN : You kissed Peyton, didn't you? LUCAS : Okay, I know you want to call me a dick, and that's fine... NATHAN : I kissed Carrie. LUCAS : You're a dick. NATHAN : I know. Actually, she kissed me, but it still happened, and I feel terrible about it. I'm not that guy, Luke. LUCAS : Are you sure? I mean, if you had another chance to do it, would you do it again? NATHAN : No. Absolutely not. I love Haley. LUCAS : Okay. NATHAN : Luke, every time I try to keep something from Haley, it just makes it worse. I'm gonna tell her. She deserves to know. (Jamie arrives with Skills) JAMIE : Ready to go home now, daddy? NATHAN (to Lucas) : I got to stop being my father and start being the father my son thinks I am. MOUTH (voiceover) : There was a high school basketball game tonight somewhere in America. A team won, and a team lost. That's not the real story. The real story is about fathers and sons. It's about life and time. And change. TREE HILL HIGH LIBRARY All the girls are leaving the library and say goodbye HALEY : All right. I'll see you later. MIA : See ya. MOUTH (voiceover) : Girls and boys went to the game. They dressed up and hoped to fit in. Some did. Some didn't. BROOKE : If it's okay, since I came with them... PEYTON : Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go. I want you to. And you know why? 'Cause you are my best friend, Brooke Davis, and you always will be. BROOKE : Yes, I will. Love you. MOUTH (voiceover) : It's a story that has history and chapters yet to be written. Haley, Brooke and Lindsey leave one way, Peyton and Mia another. PEYTON : You ready, rock star? MIA(singing) : My name's Peyton fake, blond Peyton I don't have a boyfriend 'cause I'm a bitch MIA : What? It's catchy. PEYTON : Whatever. You look like you smell like feet. TREE HILL GYM Lucas is sitting alone on a bench, Lindsey joins him LINDSEY : Hi. LUCAS : I was looking for you. LINDSEY : I was here. Whatcha thinking about? LUCAS : Keith. LINDSEY : He'd be proud of you. MOUTH (voiceover) : There was a high school basketball game tonight somewhere in America. Reporters will report. They'll tell you who the high scorer was and what the keys to the game were. But that's not the real story. As a matter of fact, that's not the story at all.

At the first Raven's basketball game of the season, Haley, Brooke, Peyton, Lindsey and Mia find themselves locked in the Tree Hill High library. Tensions run high as Peyton and Lindsey face off over Lucas. Brooke tries to stand up for her mother when her friends go on the attack. Haley plays mentor to Mia, who is experiencing the elation and disappointment of fame. Meanwhile, Mouth, who is covering the game as his first official TV reporting assignment, struggles to find a story. Finally, Lucas and Nathan grapple with the decision to tell their loved ones about various indiscretions.

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Dwight: Merry Christmas! [holds up dead goose and puts it on Pam's desk] Pam: Merry Christ--[looks up] NO! Why... why did you bring that here? Dwight: Don't worry, she's dead. Oh wait. He's dead. Pam: Dwight, what uh... Dwight: I accidentally ran over it. It's a Christmas miracle! Pam: Well, get it out of here. Dwight: Relax, OK. And because this is Christmas, I am going to roast this goose and prepare it with a wild rice dressing. Do we have any cayenne pepper in the kitchen? Jim: Merry Christmas Dwight. Dwight: Jim. Jim: Wow. What have we got here? Dwight: What does it look like? Jim: Dead goose. Dwight: And circle gets the square. Jim: All right. Dwight: [to Pam] So can you watch this? I'm gonna get my carving knife out of the trunk. Toby: Oh, Dwight, we talked about this. Dwight: No, Toby, this is different. He's already dead. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Once I brought in a duck. To prepare for lunch. And people got upset. Apparently, they got attached to the duck and didn't want to see it killed. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: He was already dead. And we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat has a delicious, smoky, rich flavor. Plus you can use the molten goose grease and save it in the refrigerator, thus saving you a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease. Jim: Wow. Win-Win. Dwight: Exactly. Thank you, Jim. Phyllis: I like goose. If it's already dead is it so crazy we eat it? Creed: That's crazy. It's crazy. Toby: Dwight, you cannot keep that here. Dwight: Ok, that is ridiculous. And totally against the spirit of Christmas. Toby: Come on Dwight. We went over this, like for a half an hour. Dwight: It's Christmas Toby. Toby: It's a dead animal in an office. You can't... Dwight: Toby... Toby: I'm sorry. Dwight: [sighs] Please? Please? Toby: Clean it in your car. Pam: I would like it off my desk. Dwight: Oh Pam. Take a chill pill. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [Riding a bicycle down the hallway and singing] Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Fa la la la la la la la la. [Struggling to stay on] 'Tis the ... ack. [expletive] Hey! [to Pam] I would like a nice slice of Christmas Pam. Side of candied Pams. And perhaps, some Pam-chops, with mint... Pam: Can I help you, Michael? Michael: I'm looking for the toy drive box. Pam: It's behind you. Michael: OK... Well, I need to put this bike in there. I hope it'll fit, with all these little knickknacks. Jim: Wow. What kind of bike is that? Michael: Umm... I don't know? Average kind? Kevin: The tires look pretty worn. Michael: Well, that is probably from the test drive. Jim: But the paint's chipping. Is that your old bike, Michael? Michael: No. Andy: Yo, Michael, sweet ride Mike. Michael: Oh, thanks. [Michael and Andy do a fist bump and explosion.] Pam: Michael? Michael: Yes? [Pam holds up a bag] Oh Pam, that is so sweet. You didn't have to do that. Pam: [hands over bag] I didn't, it's from corporate. Michael: OK. Did everybody get one of these? Pam: Yup. Michael: Terrific. Good. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: This is going to be the best Christmas ever. My girlfriend Carol is coming to our party tonight, and I have a little surprise for her. [singing] I've got two tickets to paradise! Pack your bags, we're leaving the day-after-tomorrow! Um, taking her to Sandals, Jamaica, all-inclusive. All-inclusive. You know what that means? Right? Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Creed takes toy from toy drive box.] Oh, I think you're supposed to put a toy in the box, Creed. Creed: And a happy holiday to you. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Carol walks through door looking upset] [waves] Carol. Carol: Hi, is Michael around here? Michael: There she is. A Christmas Carol. Hello [kisses Carol] You're about five hours early to the party. You're such a blonde. [laughs] Carol: Michael. Michael: Hey, everybody. I don't know who you haven't met yet, but I think this is one of them. This is my girlfriend - Carol. This is just the front of her. Show 'em, show 'em the other side. Carol: [whispers] What? Michael: Turn around, turn around. Come on. [making a body turning gesture] Carol: Get outta here. Michael: No, you get outta here. Andy: Michael Michael: Yes. Andy: If I may say. She's even prettier that you described her. Dwight: [standing up] Oh, ouch. Michael, I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you described her. Michael: Thank you. Carol: I really need a moment alone with you. [Carol heads towards Michael's office.] Michael: Not as much as I need a moment alone with you. [puts finger on her back and reaches for her butt] Berp. [SCENE_BREAK] Carol: What is this? [Holds up a Christmas photo] Michael: That is my Christmas card. It's a picture of you and me and your kids on a ski trip, having a blast. Ski-sons Greetings. Carol: No. See, we never went on a ski trip. Michael: I know. Carol: I went on a ski trip. Michael: Right. Carol: Two years ago with my kids and my ex-husband. Michael: Yes, but what you didn't realize at the time was that I was with you in a sense. I was in your heart... Carol: Michael. Michael: And next to your kids. What? Carol: This is so weird. Michael: I don't understand? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: It's a bold move, to Photoshop yourself into a picture with your girlfriend and her kids on a ski trip with their real father. But then again, Michael's a bold guy. [Towards unseen cameraman] Is bold the right word? [SCENE_BREAK] Carol: I think you're a really sweet guy. Michael: OK Carol: But, um, I don't know how to deal with, with this thing [waves Christmas card]. And, and the proposal. And I don't think things are going to work out with us. Michael: No, no no no Ok, OK, You know what, you're not thinking straight. You know what you need? You need to think this through in [making drum noise] Jamaica's largest fresh water pool. Carol: What are you talking about? Michael: I got us tickets to Sandals, Jamaica, We leave day after tomorrow. [Carol shakes head in disappointment]. You better find the skimpiest bikini there is. Carol: Oh, no. Michael. Michael: And it's all inclusive. Carol: Michael... Michael: Yes. Carol: I'm sorry. Michael: No, Carol. You walk out that door and it is over. Carol: I know. [Closes door.] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Psst. Jim. [Jim turns around. Pam nods head towards her for him to come over] Um, hey. I need to give you your Christmas gift now because, well, I'll just tell you. Jim: What? Pam: For the past few months I've been sending Dwight letters from the CIA. [hands a folder to Jim] Jim: Are you serious? Pam: They're considering him for a top secret mission. There's his application. Oh, and this is where I made him list every secret he promised he'd never ever tell. Jim: [Opens folder and reads from Dwight's file] Last year, my boss, Michael Scott, took a day off because he said he had pneumonia, but really, he was leaving early to go to magic camp. Wow. Pam: So... here's the gift. You get to decide what his top secret mission is. [Jim smiles] Sorry I didn't wrap it. Jim: [closes folder] You know what? Uh, I really don't think I should be doing this stuff anymore, you know? Pam: Oh. Jim: No, because of the promotion. Pam: Oh yeah. Jim: It just feels a little bit, like... Pam: No, I get it, of course. OK. [holds out hand for folder. Jim gives Pam back the folder.] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I feel like there's a chance for me to start over. And if I fall back into the same kind of things I used to do., then ... what am I doing? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I'd like everybody's attention. Christmas is canceled. Stanley: You can't cancel a holiday. Michael: Keep it up Stanley and you will lose New Year's. Stanley: What does that mean? Michael: Jim, take New Year's away from Stanley. Pam: Michael, what's going on? Michael: Carol and I split up. Amicably. And I just don't think it would be appropriate to celebrate under the circumstances. Jim: Will they still air 'Rudolph?' Kevin: That's not fair. Dwight: [over everybody else's talking] Are we gonna cancel Hanukah as well? Michael: Fine! [everybody stops talking] Have your party. Just no guests. Phyllis: But we invited guests. Michael: Well, you know what Phyllis? All of your guests would have probably canceled at the last minute anyway, leaving your life a stupid rotten mess. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Oh, oh, oh, oh, it hurts. Pam: I know. Michael: It hurts my heart. It hurts my stomach. It hurts my arms. Pam: OK, well, why are you laying like that? Michael: [moves a little] Thanks. How did you push away the bad thoughts? Pam: Like what? Michael: Like maybe, the real reason they left was because there were things they wanted you to do in bed, that were, foreign, and scary? Pam: Well.. um I, I don't... Michael: And not that you didn't want to try them. Some wine may have helped. Do you know what I'm referring to? Pam: I don't need to know. Dwight: Michael. Sorry to interrupt. Uh, It appears we're one bathrobe short. Michael: Take it from Toby. Dwight: Copy. Michael: Hey, would you like to go to Sandals, Jamaica with me? Pam: No, thank you. Michael: It's all... [Pam walks away.] OK. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: Hey Dwight. Pretty nice robe- [Dwight grabs bag with robe in it and walks away.] Why? [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Phyllis, I need you to pick up green streamers at lunch. Phyllis: I thought you said green was whorish. Angela: No, orange is whorish. Karen: Uh, so I had a couple of ideas to make the Stamford people feel more at home. Each year we have a Christmas raffle ... [Phyllis and Pam nod their heads in agreement]. Angela: It would never work here. Karen: Ok ... um, another idea was karaoke ... Angela: No. Karen: A Christmas drinking game ... Meredith: Yes. Angela: God help you. Karen: What? Angela: These are all terrible ideas and none of them are on the theme of "A Nutcracker Christmas." I think you should leave. Karen: You're kidding. Angela: You tried this out, and it's clearly not for you. It's time to go. Come on. [Angela gets up from seat] Please. [Karen gets up and leaves] Thank you. OK, thank you very much. [Angela closes door] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: What are you doing? ["Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt plays] Dwight: [putting things into a box] We are getting rid of everything that reminds you of Carol. Andy: Hey, what's the haps? [Dwight shuts door in his face.] Michael: Carol? Dwight: Oh, look at this. [looks through papers] Your old condo closing papers. It's riddled with Carol's name. I wish I could throw this in the box. [Michael hits repeat to "Goodbye My Lover" on computer] Dwight: Why don't you just buy the whole song? Michael: I don't have to buy it. I just want to taste it. I just... I just want a little taste of it. Dwight: Oh, look at this, she saved you two thousand dollars 'cause they failed to report a mold problem. [Continues to sift through papers] But wouldn't that affect the final... How did she? Oh, oh, I see what she did. That is good. Wow. Carol is one smart cookie. Michael: [singing] Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. [hits repeat again] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: This is an old adage, but they say when you find true love, you know within the first 24 hours. With Carol, I knew within the first 24 minutes of the second day I met her. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I feel like I've been kinda cold to Karen and there's no real reason for it. I mean it's not like she's ever done anything to me. So, I think I probably shouldn't be cold to her. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey, Karen. Sorry about that meeting today, that was really crazy. Karen: Yeah, right? I'm so glad you said that. Because, I don't know how those meetings usually go. Pam: Um, usually like that. Karen: Does anyone ever stand up to Angela or..? Pam: I think one of her cats did once. She came in with scratches all over her face. [both laugh] Karen: Right. Pam: Um, I really liked your karaoke idea. Karen: Oh cool, yeah. Pam: That could really be fun. Karen: Oh, thank you. Pam: You guys do a raffle? Karen: Yeah, we do a raffle... [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: Hey Kev. Kevin: Hey. [Toby puts hand on Kevin's back, who is wearing the robe and feels it a little bit.] [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: This should've been up yesterday. [refers to party flyer] Phyllis: It'll be all right. Angela: [Pam puts up another flyer] What is that? [Reads flyer] The "Committee to Plan Parties invites you to a margarita-karaoke Christmas?" There's no such thing as the "Committee to Plan Parties." Pam: There is now. We just started it. Angela: Well, you just can't start a committee. You have to have funding. Karen: What's your funding? Angela: Two hundred dollars. Pam: What's ours again? Karen: Umm, two hundred and one dollars. Pam: Oh right. Kelly: [pointing] Hey, a margarita-karaoke Christmas party, that sounds like fun. Angela: No, that is not a party. There's only one party and it's hosted by the Party PLANNING Committee and it starts at three o'clock. Kevin: Then why are there two flyers? Karen: Oh, I understand that this is confusing for everyone, let me explain. There's a party that starts at three. Kevin: Right. Karen: And then there's a way more fun party that starts at two forty-five. Pam: Right, and if you're interested in the way more fun party, all the info can be found here on our more brightly colored flyer. [Angela rips down brightly colored flyer and walks away. Karen rips down Angela's flyer.] Kevin: I didn't see where it was. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Yup, looks like the Scranton people and the Stamford people are finally coming together. And that's what you want, right? [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: I think that's a really good option... Dwight: Pam and Karen. I am ordering you to cease and desist all party planning. Immediately. Pam: You can't do that. Dwight: As ranking number three in this office, I am order - Andy: Umm... I'm number three. Dwight: You're number four. Andy: Yeah, but I'm number three. Dwight: Ah, no. [to Pam and Karen] You must turn over to me all Christmas decorations and party paraphernalia immediately that will be returned to you on January fourth. Jim: OK, I think I can help here. Dwight: Ok, good Jim: As ranking number two, I am starting a committee to determine the validity of the two committees and I am the sole member. The committee will act on this now. Dwight: OK, this is stupid. Jim: Could you please keep it down? [interrupted Dwight] I'm in session. I've determined that this committee is valid. [Pam and Karen cheer.] Dwight: No no, no, wait, wait, wait [raises hand] Permission to join the Validity Committee. Jim: Permission denied. Dwight: Damn it! [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Hey. I can't concentrate when I know you're in pain, man. Let me take you to lunch. [Michael sighs.] C'mon, my treat. Michael: All right. Nothing here to distract myself with anyway. Andy: That's my boy. I know the perfect place, too. Michael: Hooters? Andy: No. Benihana. Much classier. But don't worry, the babes are totally hot, too. [do a fist bump and explosion] Michael: Ah, I need my entourage [both exit Michael's office] Jim. Dwight. Ryan. C'mon, we're going to Asian Hooters. Ryan: Ah man, I can't. Michael: Why not? Ryan: I'm not feeling so well. I've got a ton of work to do here. MSG allergy, peanut allergy, I just ate there last night. [Michael feels Ryan's forehead] Michael: Ok, feel better. Ryan: Thanks. Michael: C'mon Jim, let's go. Jim: OK. [to Ryan] Wow, thanks for taking all the excuses, dude. Ryan: Doctor appointment, car trouble, plantar warts, granddad fought in World War II. Use your head, man. I keep mine in here. [Holds up blackberry.] Look alive, Halpert. Welcome back. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho and you told her she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then ... and then suddenly she's not yo' ho no mo'. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: So she looks really hot, so I said, "You look hotter than usual today." [to waitress] Thank you. Michael [gesturing to sit down.] Head of the table. Dwight: Get out Jim. [Dwight tries to sit between Andy and Jim] Actually, um... [to two other people at the table] Sir, I'm going to need take this chair. Michael: Dwight, just, just leave them alone please. They're on a date. They look very happy. Andy: So she looks at me right, and she goes, "I'm sorry, don't I even know you?" After a year, a year of buying lattes from her, do you believe that? Jim: Yes. Dwight: I can't... I can't here what you're saying. Michael: Carol used to drink lattes. Dwight: [off screen at other end of table] What're you talking about? Michael: She would get this little foam mustache... Dwight: [still off screen] Carol had a mustache? Michael: And I used to say "Hey, got latte?" And she'd say, that's not funny. Dwight: [off screen] What are you guys talking about? Michael: She totally got me. She understood that we didn't have to laugh to enjoy --- Dwight: Michael! Repeat what you said louder! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: It is my job to be there for Michael. How can I be there for Michael if I'm here for Michael? [food is thrown at Dwight's face] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I'm already starting to forget what color eyes she had. I can't, OK, I'm gonna call her. I am gonna call and find out... Andy: No. Dwight: Who are you calling? Michael: I'm just gonna call her. Andy: Put that away. Put that away. S.O.S. We... I... May day. Haha. Man down over here, [to waitress] we need your help. Waitress: What can I get for 'ya? Andy: I think we'll start with a round of noga-sakes. [waitress gives confused look] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: One part eggnog, three parts sake. Some places won't make it for you though, because eggnog is seasonal. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: You should, you should put out salt for the rims [referring to margaritas] Pam: That's a great idea. Angela: Phyllis? Phyllis: I was just getting a snack. Pam: You can have your snack in here. Angela: Pam, don't tell her what to do! Phyllis. Phyllis: OK. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: I think I'll go to Angela's party, because that's the party I know. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: I miss the days when there was only one party I didn't want to go to. [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: So I only use three? Pam: If you're using more than three pieces of tape to wrap a present, you're doing it wrong. Roy: OK. And where to do you get all those cool bows? Pam: Oh, I just get those at any party supply place. Roy: OK. Are you sure I can't use like, the cartoons from the newspaper? Pam: Oh yeah, your mom would love that. Roy: [Karen walks in] Hey. All right, I'll see you guys later. [leaves room] Pam: Bye. Karen: He's cute. You should date him. Pam: Oh, yeah... Maybe. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Looks like you've got a little Nakiri knife action going there. Chef: No, it's Usuba. Dwight: Yeah, I bet you wish you had a Nakiri, though. Chef: Actually, the Usuba's the better knife when you're working with this quantity. Dwight: Nah, I don't know... Still think Nakiri's better. Woman at bar: I think he'd know. [Dwight and her stare at each other] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Nothing he's doing is cheering me up. Andy: Wait for the onion. Trust me. Hey Cindy, he just had his heart broken, you wouldn't do that to him, would you? Cindy: I don't know. Michael: Oh, sure you would. Look at you, I bet you break up with a guy every hour. [Cindy laughs and walks away] Andy: You made her laugh. Yes! She totally digs us. [referring to what chef is doing] Watch, watch, watch, watch. [Onions smoke up] Heh, heh? What did I tell 'ya? Michael: You're right. That's good. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hello everyone. We would just like to announce that our party is starting now in the break room. So... you can come by... . Angela: I have a very important announcement to make... about... your paychecks. Umm... Your paychecks will be arriving as scheduled on Friday. And they will be in the correct amount that they are normally in... Please stand by for a very important announcement... refer..[starts to leave office] for further regarding your paycheck! [runs outside] [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: [on cell phone to Dwight] I need to know if I can start the party? Dwight: Michael! Hey! Over here, Michael! [waves down Michael with a napkin and whistles to get attention] Andy: This drink... [in audible conversation with Michael] Michael: I don't know. No one can hear me. You know what? Start the party. Angela: Did Michael give you permission to do this? Dwight: [with conviction] Start the party. Angela: [Angela slams phone shut and runs back to office.] Also, I would like to inform you that, um, as a special treat, my party will be starting early. In fact, it will be starting right now [opens door to conference room.] Pam: Our party is also starting now [opens door to break room.] Karen: Yup. Karen: [Stanley gets up and walks towards the break room.] All right Stanley. Woo. Pam: Good choice. [Kelly drags Ryan to the break room.] Angela: Welcome Hannah. You will not be disappointed. Hannah: Why would I be disappointed? Angela: I said you wouldn't be disappointed. [Meredith heads towards break room.] Angela: Meredith, if you don't come to my party, you will be very, very sorry. Meredith: Is that a threat? Angela: No, it's an invitation. Pam: We have vodka! Karen: Lots of it! [Meredith leaves to break room party.] [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: I hear Angela's party will have double-fudge brownies. It will also have Angela. Double fudge... Angela... double fudge... Angela [puts out hands to weigh his options] Hmmm... [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Brownies. Cupcakes. [Kevin walks toward conference room] Kevin: Don't push it. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Are we taking this too far? You know what, I don't think we're taking this far enough. [Pam and Karen look at each other] What? Pam: I got goose bumps. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: I don't back down. My sister and I used to be best friends, and we haven't talked in 16 years. Over some disagreement, I don't even remember. So... yeah. I'm pretty good. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Ahh, damn this chicken is good. My compliments to the chef. [points to chef] Which is you! Right? Hahahaha. Awesome! I need some meat. I want some steak. [leans over to neighboring man's plate] I see steak. Man: Excuse me. Michael: Excuse me [tries to take away meat with chopsticks] Ah, un guard. [Fights with chopsticks and laughs] Family style. Jim: No, it's not. Andy: Cindy, Cindy. Michael: I don't think... I love it! Andy: I want you to close your eyes and imagine your dream house. [Cindy laughs] C'mon, do it for Michael. He's had a really long day. Michael: [laughing] I don't know what he's doing. Andy: This is great. Dwight: Jim! Jim! What... What's happening? Jim: Oh, [points to Cindy] she's asleep. Dwight: Oh... Narcolepsy. Jim: Probably. Andy: Now open your eyes and describe it to me. Cindy: I... don't know, it has four bed rooms and a loft... Dwight: Oh my gosh, now she's up. Jim: And she's trying to correctly butcher a goose, but she's having trouble coming up with it. Dwight: Oh, OK. Cindy! Yo, Cindy! Cindy! Hold its neck back and insert the knife below the jaw. Bring it all the way around, there's going to be a good amount of blood. [Cindy looks confused. Woman next to Dwight is disgusted] Don't let it bother you. Have a bucket there, for the blood... and the innards... and the feathers. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Oh no, this is different. The CIA thing, that was a prank on Dwight. This is more like a umm... OK, it's pretty much the same thing. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: What d'ya think? [to Stanley about his drink] Stanley: Fruity and delicious. Kelly: See, I told you. You want one Meredith? Meredith: No thanks. They're too sweet. Karen: Hey, so what's the status. Ryan: Looks like they forgot the power cord. Pam: What? Karen: Oh, you're kidding me? Ryan: No. Karen: Oh, you guys, guys, um... I'm sorry, but there's a problem with the karaoke machine. [everyone sighs] Kelly: Well that blows. Darryl: Hang on little ladies. You don't need this thing, I'll go grab my synthesizer. [Everyone cheers] Everybody: Darryl! Darryl! Darryl! [Darryl exits break room and passes Phyllis] Phyllis: Hi. Darryl: Hey. Hey, look, when you get done with your... [looks inside conference room] meeting, you should, uh, come to the break room. We're having a party. Phyllis: Oh, ok. Darryl: All right. Se you later... Hannah: [tries to break nut on a Nutcracker doll] These nuts are really hard to crack. Angela: Try harder then. [Hannah smashes Nutcracker on top of nut. Sees Kevin take another brownie] Uh uh. No one has seconds until everyone's had some. Kevin: You've got to be kidding! Angela: You've got to be kidding. {Kevin takes bite of brownie] [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: Cold, huh? Ryan: Huh? [puts on jacket] Phyllis: Maybe that'll help. Is it cold in there? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [referring to waitresses] They have been checking us out, all night! I am not kidding! Michael: You know what we should do? Andy: What? Michael: We should invite them to the Christmas party. Andy: Now, you are thinking. Yes. And you know what? Because you have had such a rough day, you get Cindy. Michael: Oh, you are such mench my friend. [They stand up and do fist bump and explosion] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: OK, where is everybody? I would like them to meet my new girlfriend. [Guys walk in with two different waitresses from Benihana's] Jim: I'm sure they'll want to meet her, too. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: The least I could do was give some poor sick kid a bike. Second Cindy: That rocks. Michael: Nah, you rock. Tell you what, if you want it, it's yours. Second Cindy: Thanks! I, I wanna give you something. Michael: Oh. [She whispers in his ear. Michael starts to laugh] That's what she said. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hello? I would like everybody to meet my new girlfriend. Andy: My new girlfriend. Angela: Where's Dwight? Second Cindy: Is he the hot one or the giant baby? Michael: [whispers] The giant baby. Wow, I am so sorry, I had no idea this party would be so lame. Phyllis: [under her breath] There's another party in the break room. Michael: Oh, party in the break room! Let's go, let's go! Thank God! Let's go to the break room. Angela: Hey, excuse me! Waitress lady! Hey, where do you think you're going with that? [refers to toy she just took from table] Second Cindy: I thought I could have it. Angela: You can't have it [takes back toy] I don't walk into your house and steal your Hello Kitty backpack. Michael: Shhh... Shut it! C'mon! Party. Dwight: Hey! It's Angela! [Angela slams door shut, but not before Kevin sneaks out] Hey! Michael: We're going to ... [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [singing] I want you to know. That I'm happy for you. I wish nothing but... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I just think there are two, two specific kinds of people in the world. People who own houses and people who own condos. [turns to reach for pretzel while Second Cindy turns other direction] And... my question to you [points and pulls away other waitress] is do you agree? Other waitress: Do I agree about what? Michael: Do you agree about what? [laughs] Wow. You're lucky you're so darn cute. Other waitress: What're you talking about? Michael: What're you talking about? [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [singing] And I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away. It's not fair, to deny me of the cross I bear that you give to me. You, you, you, you, you, you, you oughta know ta know. Jim: All right [high fives Kevin] [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Did you have fun at Benihana's? Dwight: No. It was awful. I couldn't hear anything. [cheers from other party] Angela: I've had the worse day here [turns up Nutcracker music on the stereo. [Sighs. Dwight reaches for and holds Angela's hand] Karen: [Karen and Pam enter] Dwight, you won the raffle! [holds out gift] Dwight: No... way! Yeah! Karen: Open it! Open it ! Open it! [Dwight rips open present. Angela is upset and Pam notices] Dwight: Oh. Karen: Do you like it? Dwight: Walkie-talkies. Pam: Can I talk to you a second? Dwight: Yes! [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Well the Committee to Plan Parties has served its purpose. We're gonna disband. In the name of Christmas. Pam: [holds up rice krispie shaped like a star] In the name of Nutcracker Christmas. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Angela, we've been hearing really great thing about uh... your brownies and we were hoping you'd consider merging into two parties. Angela: I'm not sure. Does your karaoke machine have Christmas songs? Pam: Yeah, but we don't have a power cord. Angela: Oh, I may have seen it somewhere. [Goes to plant and picks up power cord] Is it this one? Pam: Mmm. Hmm. Karen: Yeah, thanks. Pam: We'll go tell everyone. Karen: OK. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy and Michael: [singing] And if you want love, we'll make it. Swim in a big sea of blankets. Take all your big plans and break 'em. This is bound to take awhile. Your body is a wonderland. [Michael notices Cindy ride up to him on the bike and looks confused] Your body is a wonderland. Andy: Your hands. Both: Your body is a wonderland. Andy: I'll use my hands on it. Both: Something 'bout the way your hair falls in your face... [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: [singing] Whatever we deny or embrace. For worse or for better. We belong, we belong, we belong together... Ryan... Michael: When you know, you just know. Kevin: Right. Michael: Check her out. My little gal over there. Babe-alectable. Roy: Which one is she? [Michael stares at both waitresses] Michael: It's... it's one of those two. [points at both] Roy: You don't know? Kevin: Dude, you should know. Michael: Yeah... well, it's been hard, they're wearing the exact same uniform. And I've been drinking. And you know how all waitresses look alike. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I honestly don't see what the big deal is. Stevie Wonder is married. Are you going to tell me that Stevie Wonder doesn't love his wife just because he's not sure what she looks like? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey. Where's my girl? Is she in the fridge? Where is she hiding? I don't know where she is. 'Cause I'm drunk, I can't even find her. Second Cindy: You know where I am. Michael: Haha, I do! I just haven't hugged you in awhile [marks Cindy's arm with a black marker] Second Cindy: Oh. Michael: Oh, good. That felt good. Let's go. Party. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: [singing] Spinnin' n reelin with love. Give it the time, I might come back down. But it feels so good. My feet don't touch the ground. Wha..wha..wild. Wha..wha..wild. Well everybody knows, I'm crazy about 'ya... [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [into walkie-talkie] Monkey, this is Possum. Do you copy? Angela: [into another walkie-talkie] Copy, Possum. What's your twenty? [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: No way. [both hold up Bridget Jones' Diary movie DVD] Jim: What a horrible, horrible movie that was. Karen: And now we get to remember it forever. Jim: Thank you. Karen: Thank you. [Both hug] [SCENE_BREAK] Second Cindy: Hey. Michael: Hey, hey, you. How are ya? Second Cindy: Hey. This party blows, so we're gonna leave. Michael: No, no, no. Hey, you should stay because we are having fun and... Second Cindy: Cool... Michael: Where do you wanna go? Second Cindy: I... We're just gonna take off. Michael: I... you know what? I, OK, listen. I like you. I really like you. So much in fact, that I would like you to accompany me on a trip to Sandals, Jamaica. Second Cindy: No... I have school. [leaves with other waitress and bicycle] Michael: You want help? OK... Merry Christmas. Second Cindy: Merry Christmas. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [singing] Lady, from the moment I saw you standing all alone. You gave all the love that I needed... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: That waitress was the one. Jim: No. She wasn't. Michael: How can you be sure? Jim: Well, for starters, I've known you as a couple since the beginning of the relationship, which was approximately [looks a watch] three hours ago. Michael: Don't make fun... You're making fun of me. Jim: Sorry. Michael: I guess, I didn't know her very well. I marked her arm. Jim: You what? Michael: I, I put a mark on her arm. [Both are laughing] So I could tell them apart. I don't... I know, I know. I can't believe I gave her my bike! Jim: Yeah. Michael: Oh, why do I feel like crap? Jim: You just had a rebound. Michael: I had rebound? Yeah. Jim: Yeah. Which, don't get me wrong, can be a really fun distraction, but, when it's over, you're left thinking about the girl you really like, the one that broke your heart. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I totally rebounded. Someone else shoots and I take the ball and I score. Well, I guess I didn't score and I'm not sure who's actually shooting, but, whatever. Doesn't matter. It's all good. Or as my ex might say. Domo arigato, Mr. Scott-o. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: [singing, with Dwight holding up microphone] Little baby, parum pum pum pum. I am a poor boy too, parum pum pum pum. I have no gift to bring, parum pum pum pum. That's fit to give our King, parum pum pum pum.. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [on phone] Yes, I just wanted to see if, uh you would like to come to Jamaica with me. There's this resort called Sandals. Really? OK. All right. I promise you won't be disappointed. Umm, It's all-inclusive... [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: [singing] ... Shall I play for you, parum pum pum pum [Oscar and Gil walk through door] Oscar: Too soon. [both turn back around and walk out] Angela: [singing] I played my drum for Him, parum pum pum pum. I played my best for Him, parum pum pum pum, Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum. Dwight: [singing along] pum pum pum pum pum pum pum [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Bye Pam. Pam: Night. Jim: [to Pam] Oh, you know what? Sorry, forgot to tell you. I intercepted a transmission earlier and it seems that the CIA is gonna need Dwight down at their headquarters in Langley for training and an ice cream social with the other agents. Pam: We should get him a bus ticket. [types on computer] To make his trip easier. Jim: Oh no, that would be great. Pam: It costs seventy five dollars. Jim: Hmm... Well, maybe the CIA can send a helicopter? Pam: Ohh... [laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [Cell phone beeps] What the? [Reading text message] "You have been compromised. Abort mission. Destroy phone." Destroy phone? [Dwight throws phone off of the roof and walks away]

Michael plans to invite Carole to Jamaica with him for Christmas, but she breaks up with him before he has a chance. Andy takes Michael to a local Benihana to cheer him up, and they both convince waitresses to come back to the Christmas party with them. Back at the office, a disagreement within the Party Planning Committee leads Karen and Pam to create their own Christmas party, separate from Angela's. When the majority of the office decide to go to Karen and Pam's party, Angela becomes upset, and seeing this, Karen and Pam decide to combine the parties. Soon after, Michael and Andy's dates leave them, but Michael nevertheless finds someone to go to Jamaica with him.

fd_True_Blood_01x08

fd_True_Blood_01x08_0

SCENE 1: Four charred coffins are beside one another outside of the house burned by Royce, Wayne, and Chuck. One of the coffins is partly opened. Various emergency personnel perform their duties as Sookie looks at the scene from a short distance. She is approached by Sheriff Bud Dearborn. Sheriff Dearborn: Sookie, are you okay? You want some water? Sookie: Four? (Sookie turns to face Detective Andy Bellefleur.) Sookie: You're sure you found four bodies? Andy Bellefleur: We shouldn't even be tellin' ya this. Sookie: Andy, not now! Not with me. Andy Bellefleur: [sigh] There's four sets of remains inside four coffins. Sookie: Oh, my God! (Sookie starts toward the house, but is pulled away by Andy.) Andy Bellefleur: We can't let you go in there! Sookie: Andy, if you don't take your hands off me right now, I swear to God, I will kill you! (Sookie breaks free of Andy's grip, and runs up the small hill toward the house, but is met by an unidentified young man in a blue jacket with something illegible printed in white letters on the back of it. There is another man present, wearing a black ball-cap and a black vest with "CORONER" in silver/white letters on the back of his.) Unidentified Young Man In Blue Jacket: No, no, sweetheart, you don't wanna come up here... (The unidentified young man looks at the contents of one of the burned coffins. There are no bones, only a slurry of slightly bubbling blood.) Unidentified Young Man In Blue Jacket: Jiminy Christmas. That's what happens to vampires? Unidentified Man in Ball-cap: (off-camera): Evidently. Plus, we got three more. (Sookie looks down at the blood soup with a worried look on her face.) Unidentified Man in Ball-cap (to the young man in the blue jacket): I hope you skipped breakfast. [chuckle] Unidentified Man In Blue Jacket: Sookie, did Bud send you up here to make an ID? 'Cause... (Sookie lets out a small gasp, turns around, and runs away, passing Andy and Bud.) Andy Bellefleur: Sookie, you okay? Cut to opening credits to the tune of "Bad Things" by Jace Everett SCENE 2: Sookie walks into her house from the back door, still in her Merlotte's uniform. She sits at the breakfast table, opens her cell phone, and dials a number. Bill's pre-recorded voice greeting: Bill Compton. Generic pre-recorded female voice mail message: To leave a voice message, press "one" or just wait... (Sookie closes the cell phone and stares into space, then notices a set of muddy footprints on the kitchen floor. With her shoes now removed, Sookie is on her hands and knees as she scrubs the footprints off the floor, and has a flashback from the previous week, when she scrubbed the blood off the floor after Gran's murder. Fighting the painful memory, she continues to scrub, her face tensing up as she hurls the washrag across the room.) Sookie: <snip>! SCENE 3: Behind the Thornton house. Lettie Mae is taking out the garbage. Putting on a robe, Tara approaches her. Tara: Momma, it's not even eight! Lettie Mae: Good morning, baby. Did I wake you? I'm almost done. Just a couple more loads. (Tara bends over and picks up a liquor bottle.) Tara: Well, these are half full! Lettie Mae: Useless to me. Just fuel for demon fire. (Lettie Mae takes the bottle from Tara and tosses it in a box with other bottles.) Lettie Mae: The bottle kept him alive for forty years. (Lettie Mae places the box in a garbage can.) Lettie Mae: As long as I keep the stuff out of my house, he ain't never coming back. Tara: Huh. Well, let's see how long you can keep it up. (Lettie Mae places the lid on the garbage can.) Lettie Mae: Forever. Gotta be. I'm down to my last chance. (Tara looks at Lettie Mae quizzically.) Tara: You didn't have a drink today? Lettie Mae: Uh-uhn. Didn't need one. Didn't even want one. (Tara gets close to Lettie Mae's face and sniffs her breath. Tara's eyes open wider.) Tara: Is that maple syrup? Lettie Mae: Check the kitchen. I made hoecakes. (Tara's jaw opens. She turns and walks toward the kitchen door at the side of the house, and Lettie Mae follows her. There is a bicycle leaning against the house, as well as two white pre-formed plastic chairs. A stairway leads from the outside to an upper floor of the house. Tara opens the door to the kitchen and they walk inside. The morning sun streams into the small, white kitchen, which seems cluttered, but looks quite clean, and the breakfast table is set.) Tara: Are you serious? I haven't had hoecakes since... Lettie Mae: Since your Grandma-ma was alive. I always could make 'em. Just never did. The demon never let me. (Tara sits down and pierces one of the hoecakes with a fork and nibbles the corner of it as it drips with syrupy goodness.) Tara: Mmm! You made these with bacon grease. Lettie Mae: It's the only way! (Tara smiles and places more hoecakes on the plate before her. Lettie Mae allows a short, happy laugh.) Lettie Mae: You eat, baby girl! (Lettie Mae kisses Tara on top of the head.) Lettie Mae: I got me some more devil juice to take out. (Lettie Mae leaves the kitchen and picks up some more bottles along the way, as Tara looks up and watches in astonishment.) SCENE 4: Jason's bedroom. He and Amy are topless, laying on their backs in his bed. Jason: <snip> damn. You...huh. You are not like anybody I ever met! Amy: I was just gonna say the same thing. Jesus. Jason: It felt like the whole world came together. Me, you, the bed, the house. We were all one big giant... Amy: Organism. (Jason stretches and smiles broadly.) Jason: Yeah! Mine was huge! (Amy chuckles.) Jason: I never knew vamp blood could do somethin' like this to ya. Amy: You know what? Neither did I. I mean... (Amy turns over to face Jason.) Amy: ...I've had V partners before, but this was...on a totally different planet. You're an extraordinary being. (Jason looks confused at Amy.) Jason: Well, what's that supposed to mean? Amy: I mean, in some ways, we barely know each other, right? But you felt that. Uh, tell me that that wasn't just me, and we tapped into each other. (Jason raises himself up.) Jason: Oh, no, no, no. I felt it. We tapped. Amy: There's something old and good and wise deep down in you. I have to know that person. Jason: Come on, cut it out. Nobody who knows me has ever called me wise. Amy: Then nobody really knows you. (Jason's smile leaves his face. He turns over and cups his hands over his face as Amy puts her left arm over his shoulders.) Amy: Are you blushing? (Jason lifts his face up from his hands and smiles briefly as he looks at Amy, then becomes serious.) Jason: I don't want you to go. (Jason and Amy both smile as they look at one another.) Amy: Well, I was planning on just burning through, but if you have a place for me to crash... (Amy pulls Jason on top of her.) Amy: ...then for you, I might just stick around... (Jason begins kissing Amy.) Jason: Stay. Amy: ...for a little bit. Jason: Stay with me. I don't wanna ever leave this bed. Let's just screw and do V until we starve. (Amy chuckles as Jason kisses her again.) Amy: Sure. But, I mean, let's hold off on the screwing. I'm a respectable girl. (Jason stops kissing Amy.) Jason: What? Oh, did I hurt you? (Jason moves off of Amy.) Jason: I'm sorry if I got carried away, it was just so amazing. Amy: No, no, Jason. We didn't have s*x. Jason: Well, what do you call what we been doin' for the past six hours? Amy: We were together on V, and deeper than I've ever felt with anybody ever before. But physically, we barely touched. (Jason looks at Amy with a slight grin on his face.) Jason: No?! Amy: No, I promise... Jason: No, that's not possible! Amy: Look... (Amy lifts up the black satin sheet.) Amy: Panties still on. Jason: Whoa! Whoa, whoa! (Jason looks in utter amazement at Amy, then places the sheet back on her.) Jason: What... the <snip>? Amy: I told you. It's better than s*x. (Jason looks stunned as he lays his head on Amy's chest and giggles.) SCENE 5: Sookie's kitchen. Sookie, wearing a blue shirt, is on her knees with her head in the stove as Tara comes to the back door and runs to Sookie. Tara: Jesus Christ, what the hell are you doing? (Tara pulls Sookie out of the stove. Sookie is wearing a paper filter over her nose and mouth. She does not look happy.) Sookie: Stop with the J.C.! (Sookie removes the filter.) Sookie: I'm cleanin'! What does it look like? Watch your feet! I just waxed! Tara: I hope you mean the floor. (Sookie sighs and walks to the sink.) Sookie: Can I help you? I'm up to my elbows in Easy-Off. Tara: My momma made me hoecakes this morning. Sookie: So? Tara: She cooked me breakfast! (Sookie walks back to the stove.) Tara: When's the last time you saw my momma lift a finger before noon for anything besides Mad Dog 20/20? (Sookie stares at Tara.) Tara: We went into the woods to get a four hundred forty-five dollar hoodoo exorcism last night, and you do not wanna get me started on that! Sookie: My grandmother's dead! At least you got someone to make breakfast for you. You ever stop thinkin' about what's happenin' with others before you barge in on them? Tara: Sorry. I didn't mean... (Sookie turns to clean the top of the stove, and Tara notices the bite on Sookie's neck.) Tara: Oh, my God, are those fang marks? (Sookie holds the collar of her shirt away from her neck to expose the marks fully.) Sookie: So what? It means someone cared for me when everyone else left me high and dry! Tara: No wonder you're crazy. You let a vampire make a meal of you! Sookie (yelling): Why am I the only person that doesn't think vampires are monsters? Tara (yelling): They drink our blood! What's to say Bill won't leave you once he's had his fill? (Sookie gets in Tara's face.) Sookie (yelling): Do you have any idea what I've been through today? A friend would ask! Tara: Don't tell me how to be your friend. I'm the only one you got, <snip> damn it! Sookie (whispering): Lord's name in vain. Tara (yelling): Oh, <snip> off! Sookie (shouting): Get out of my house! I've gotten very good at losing people lately, and you are only making it easier for me! Tara (yelling): Bitch, I don't even wanna be here! If you are hell-bent on bein' alone in this world, I ain't gonna stop you! (Tara turns and leaves the house. Sookie slams the oven door, which bounces open before she turns to slam it shut. She places her hands on her head as she closes her eyes.) SCENE 6: Jason's kitchen. Shirtless, but wearing jeans, Jason takes a pizza box from the refrigerator and takes it with him to the living room, where Amy, wearing her dress, is admiring some curios in a wood display rack on the wall over the sofa. Jason: Huhn. Man, I wanna not have s*x with you again so bad, you don't even know. Amy: I think I got some idea. (Amy walks away.) Amy: But that V that we did was the last I had. (Jason plops himself into the sofa, pizza box still in hand.) Jason: Where do we score some more? (Amy looks at one of Jason's Cd's, near a large console TV set with a smaller, newer flat-screen TV on top of it.) Amy: When we need more, we'll go out and get it. (Jason looks despondent, but Amy gives him a reassuring smile.) Amy: Don't be greedy. We'll be okay for a while. Just eat your breakfast. (Jason opens the pizza box. Half a pizza is in it.) Jason: You sure you don't want some? Pepperoni and sausage. Amy: No, thank you. I only eat organic. The cleaner my body is, the more intensely I feel the V. (Jason eats a slice of pizza.) Amy: Uh, why do you have two televisions in the same room? Jason: The bottom one's busted. I just keep it 'cause it was my parents'. Amy: Can I ask you how they died? Jason: Yeah. I don't like to talk about it. Amy: Okay. Jason: It was a flash flood. They were caught on the bridge down by the parish road and got swept out in the river. My little sister and I...were staying at our Gran's while they went out. They didn't think I could look after Sookie by myself, even though I was almost eleven. Sometimes I think, if I was a better kid, they wouldn't have had to drop us off at Gran's. Then they wouldn't have been on the bridge at the exact point when... (Jason puts the slice of cold pizza in the pizza box.) Amy: So your grandma raised you after that? Jason: Yeah, I moved back here... (Jason closes the pizza box and sits up.) Jason: ...when I was eighteen, even though Gran woulda rather kept an eye on me. Then, she passed too. Last week. Amy: Oh, God! I'm so sorry. (Jason's head is in his hands.) Jason: <snip> damn. I don't mean to be spillin'. I never do this. Amy: You never talk about things with anybody? You don't talk to your sister? Jason: Least of all her. She brings out the worst in me. We had this big fight after Gran died and I hit her. I tell you: I am...the worst brother in the world. Amy: That's ridiculous. (Amy kneels beside Jason and places her hand on his left shoulder.) Amy: I've seen who you are inside. I've been there. (Amy gently turns Jason's head toward her with her left hand.) Amy: And you're good. Jason. Do you hear me? (Amy wipes a tear from Jason's right eye. She kisses his lips, and he kisses her and smiles.) SCENE 7: The tailgate of a pickup truck is opened, revealing an alligator head on a box, between a box of Rolling Rock beer and another box. Terry: She's a beauty. (Terry Bellefleur lifts the alligator head from the truck, parked near a red Dumpster. Terry wears his watch on his left wrist. Sam Merlotte stands beside the truck.) Terry: You want it for your office? (Terry walks with the alligator head toward the back entrance of Merlotte's.) Sam: Nah. (Sam takes the box of Rolling Rock from the truck and follows Terry.) Sam: We'll put it over the bar. Drunks like talkin' to the animals. (Terry puts down the alligator head in a green pre-formed plastic chair, and pulls out something from underneath his shirt collar.) Terry: Hey! Check it out! 'Possum <snip>. (Terry holds out a dried, slender forked object, tied to a cord around his neck, and shows it to Sam.) Sam: Ohhh! Where'd you get that? Terry: Shot one last week. I was gonna stuff it but I left it back out, and it got to rainin', then three days later, ain't nothing left but 'possum sludge and bones. I saved this, though. 'Possums have a two-pronged pen1s. Sam: Uh, huh. Terry: It's supposed to bring good luck. Sam: Uh, Terry, let's keep that story between us. The girls might get the wrong idea. (Sam walks away as Terry tucks the severed member underneath his shirt and follows Sam to the truck.) Terry: Hey Sam? What was you doin' out this morning? Sam: Why? Terry: You wouldn't happened to have been runnin' through the woods without no clothes on, would ya? Sam: [chuckles] Why would I do that? Terry: I don't know. That's why I'm askin'. (Sam and Terry unload more boxes from the truck and walk to the back door of Merlotte's.) Terry: I was out fishin' and I coulda swore I saw you blazin' butt-nekkid through the trees. (Sam sets his box down on the stoop in front of the back door.) Sam: Nah, it wasn't me. I...was working on my car. Terry: It looked an awful lot like you. Except you wear clothes. (Sam and Terry chuckle. Sam unloads another box from the truck.) Terry: I don't know. Maybe I'm seein' things again. Except, usually when I see people who ain't there, it's...it's... Sam: The insurgents. Terry: Yeah, yeah. Only this fella I saw, he didn't look like no insurgent. Sam: But you said he was runnin', though? Plenty of cover in the trees. How could you tell for sure? And, hey...I believe you saw what you saw. I just don't know why anyone would be runnin' naked through the woods in broad daylight. Terry: Yeah. [chuckle] Maybe you're right. <snip>. I hate bein' this way, Sam. (Sam pats Terry on his left arm.) Sam: It's all right, buddy. Come on. (Sam and Terry walk to the back door of Merlotte's.) Sam: We're a long way from Fallujah. SCENE 8: Nighttime. It is raining. Sookie sits with a quilt over her shoulders on the front porch of her house. She walks inside and strikes a match to light a small red candle in the darkened house. She is wearing a yellow and white dress with spaghetti straps. She picks up some flowers, and places the lit candle in a window sill. The rain has stopped. She walks through the cemetery and kneels in front of Bill's grave marker and cries. She stands up, and walks away. She is barefooted. As she walks, a hand reaches up from the ground, grabs her leg, and pulls her down. She screams and tries to escape. A naked male figure is pulling her toward his spot in the ground. Bill: Sookie! (Sookie looks at Bill. Despite the fact he is covered in dirt, they kiss and make love on the ground in the cemetery. The sound of Bill's fangs being exposed is heard.) Sookie: No. Not the neck. (Bill's fangs are exposed. He looks at her and bites her on the shoulder instead.) SCENE 9: Merlotte's Bar & Grill at lunch. Arlene: Where the hell is Sookie today? (Terry Bellefleur puts one last plate on a tray, and Arlene takes the tray to her table. Lafayette is also cooking in the kitchen.) Arlene: Here you go, honey. Sorry it took so long. (Jason and Amy walk into Merlotte's through the front door. Amy looks around the place, which is packed with customers.) Amy: Intense. All these animals on the wall, it's like a natural history museum. Jason: Huh? I never noticed 'em. Amy: How could you not? Every one of these animals lived a life full of experiences that we can't even imagine. Jason: Does it weird you out? We could go someplace else. Amy: No, no. I mean, everyone has to eat, right? We're all links on the universal food chain. See? Squirrel eats nuts... (Amy points to a squirrel skin, mounted on a post by the bar.) Amy: ...snake eats the squirrel... (We see a non-living snake, either of the stuffed variety or the rubber variety, over some glasses behind the bar.) Amy: ... gator eats the snake. (The alligator head that Terry Bellefleur gave to Sam is above the bar, over a sign that reads "NO CHECKS CASHED.") Amy: And we can eat pretty much anything we want. It's the circle of life. Jason: Jesus Christ. I wanna lick your mind. Amy: Let's have lunch first. (Amy and Jason look for a table, passing Arlene at the bar, whose back is turned to them. A busboy wears a dark green Merlotte's t-shirt (in contrast to the white Merlotte's t-shirts worn by the wait staff) as he walks to the kitchen window.) Terry: Order up! (The busboy walks into the service area, where Sam, also wearing a dark green Merlotte's t-shirt, is working. Sookie, dressed in her Merlotte's uniform, runs in from the back.) Sookie: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know I'm late. (Sam turns to Sookie.) Sam: Sookie, listen: I heard about the fire. I'm real, real sorry. How you holdin' up? (Sookie can barely contain herself. Sookie: He's alive!) Sam: What? Sookie: Bill. They said there were four bodies, and I thought for sure Bill was one of 'em. Sam: He wasn't? Sookie: No! He's fine. In fact...he's wonderful! Sam: Well, that must be quite a relief for you. Sookie: You have no idea! Anyways, no need to worry about me. I'm great! (Sookie walks to the bar, where Arlene is writing something on one of her tickets.) Arlene: Sweetie, where you been? I'm up to my eyeballs in tickets. Sookie: Arlene, you look so beautiful today. (Arlene looks quizzically at Sookie.) Sookie: I love you, even if you are a bigot sometimes. (Sookie hugs Arlene. Arlene seems confused. Sookie runs off to another area of the restaurant, giggling, as Sam walks behind the bar.) Arlene: What's with her? Sam: Bill's alive. Arlene: What? But I thought... Sam: I know. So did I. (We see Terry Bellefleur behind the kitchen window, with quite a number of orders to be delivered.) Terry: Order up! (Sookie is talking to Hoyt Fortenberry and Ren Lenier, seated at a booth across from one another. Both are dressed in maroon t-shirts.) Sookie (to Terry): I'm comin'. Hold your horses. Sookie (to Hoyt and Ren ): He got my message that something bad might be brewin', so he figured he spent the night in the graveyard. Hoyt: Doesn't it get cold out there? Sookie: No, he was in the ground. So, after I couldn't find him at his place, then hearin' about those four bodies at that burnt-up house, you can imagine what I was goin' through. Hoyt: Oh, I mean, that must have been somethin' terrible. Sookie: Oh, you don't know. Ren : Sookie, they said there was only t'ree vampires that come in here da udder night. Who...who's the fourth body? Sookie: Some poor fang-banger, they're saying now. Some vampires like to keep a human around for s*x...and blood. (Sookie smiles broadly.) Sookie: I'll get your Cokes. (Sookie turns and walks to the kitchen window. The orders that had piled up in the window are gone.) Sookie: I thought you said "order up". Terry: I did. New girl took 'em. Sookie: New girl? (Sookie walks to the dining area and looks around.) Amy (off-camera): BLT, cheeseburger, well-done, fried egg on white, hot wings... (Sookie sees Amy serving tables.) Amy: ...smoked sausage, tuna melt, and the chicken-fried steak must be for you. Thank you. (yelling) We've got a four-top open. (Jason smiles as he walks up to Sookie, who's at the bar. Sookie doesn't look happy.) Jason: Isn't she something? Sookie: She's with you? Jason: I know you're <snip> at me, but...I really want you to like her. (Amy approaches Jason and Sookie.) Amy: Sorry about that. You looked really swamped and the natives were gettin' restless so... You're Jason's sister, right? It's...I've heard so much about you. (Arlene has joined the small group, looking less happy than Sookie does.) Arlene: Who are you? Amy: My name's Amy. Amy Burley. I'm with Jason. Jason: With me. (Jason smiles slightly and puts his right arm around Amy's shoulders.) Amy: And you must be Arlene with the beautiful red hair. It's so nice to meet you. Arlene: How'd you know all the table numbers? Amy: Well, I waited tables in college, so I just assumed clockwise. You know, table one, two, three, four, five. I think the guys at table five like you, 'cause they left you a really nice tip. (Amy hands the tip to Arlene. Arlene takes the tip, then turns around to Sam.) Arlene: Sam, I think we might have found a replacement for Dawn. Sookie (looking at Jason): Looks like you did too. (Sookie walks away, as Jason kisses Amy on her top of her head.) SCENE 10: Behind the Thornton home. Church bells ring in the background. Freshly-washed laundry is hanging on clotheslines as Tara walks outside and looks at the scene. Tara: What the...? (Lettie Mae walks into the backyard, wearing a nice dress and a hat. She is accompanied by Mabel Simpkins, who is dressed similarly.) Lettie Mae: Don't you touch that, sweetie pie. Momma'll take care of the laundry. Mabel Simpkins: Oh, my goodness! Lettie Mae! Ain't she the spittin' image of you?! (to Tara) That's a compliment! Lettie Mae: Tara Mae, you remember Mabel Simpkins, don't you? Tara: Yeah. From the church. Mabel Simpkins: That's right. And why don't we see your smiling face there no more? Tara: Uh, 'cause I stopped goin'. Mabel Simpkins: Oh, well. It's never too late to come back. Lettie Mae left us for two years and we welcomed her back today like she had never gone. Lettie Mae: I heard the call! The good Lord said, "Lettie Mae, you been away too long. Your church needs you. " Mabel Simpkins: Oh, you should have heard her testify. The entire congregation was filled with the Spirit. Tara: Yeah, I bet she was full of it. Mabel Simpkins: Your momma's an inspiration to us all. Lettie Mae: Glory to God! Mabel Simpkins: Amen! (to Tara) Girl, why don't you come to Bible group on Tuesday? Got plenty of nice young men and fruit punch. Lettie Mae: A little religion do you a world of good, baby girl. Tara: <snip>. Are you even listening to what you're sayin'? You can lie to yourself and everyone else but when you go to bed, you are just as <snip> up and miserable as I am. And goin' to church and wearing a crazy-ass hat ain't gonna make you a better person. (Tara walks away.) Lettie Mae: She got a demon in her. Mabel Simpkins: My granddaughter had a demon in her. They everywhere! SCENE 11: Merlotte's. Arlene is on the phone behind the bar. Arlene: No, sure...I understand...no, it's no problem...okay, baby. Bye-bye. (Arlene hangs up the phone and heaves a sigh, and turns to Terry.) Arlene: Every time I get a night off, my babysitter falls through on me. (Terry walks up to Arlene.) Terry: You know, I like kids, Arlene. Doughnuts, too. Arlene: Maybe. If you brought a lady friend along. Lisa likes a female in the house. (Terry gets a bit closer to Arlene.) Terry: I ain't had a lady friend since I come home. Arlene: Well, that's some bad luck for you, I guess. Did something happen there that you been...keepin' to yourself? 'Cause you could talk to me, you know, if you're wantin' to. Terry: No, I...I...I'd just as soon sit here and listen at you. I like your voice. (Arlene smiles.) Terry: And your clavicles. (Arlene giggles.) SCENE 12: Sookie and Amy are cleaning tables in the dining area. Sookie: I've been admiring your necklace all day. Amy: Oh, thanks, it's a lariat. I made it. Sookie: You make jewelry? Amy: It's a easy way to earn extra money. I can make you one, if you want. Sookie: Thanks, but I don't think my boyfriend much likes silver. (Sookie moves her bus tub to another table.) Sookie: You know my brother's a dog, don't you? Amy: I'm sorry? Sookie: He's all charm and smiles in the beginning, but the second he gets tired o' you, he's gonna stop callin'. Before you know it, he's off with some other floozy. Not... not that you are one. But trust me, it's as regular as the seasons. You seem like a sweet girl. I don't want you to get hurt. Amy: You know...I don't think Jason's realized even half of what he's going to be. I wouldn't be so quick to judge. You might be surprised at what he's capable of. (Amy picks up her bus tub and walks away as Arlene walks up to Sookie.) Arlene: Hey, Sookie. I've been meanin' to talk to you. Sookie: What's the matter? Arlene: I've just been a mess lately. You know, with the kids and the double shifts and Ren and everything, it's been awful hard, and I've probably said some things that I don't mean, but that's the pressure talkin'. I love you like my own sister. And you know that, right? Sookie: I appreciate that. Thank you. (Arlene and Sookie hug each other.) Sookie: And sure, I'll babysit your kids tonight. Arlene: I...I didn't... Sookie: I heard you talkin' to Terry. I'm a better choice. Arlene: We'll drop 'em off at eight. Ren 's taking me to Ruston to see that Oak Ridge Boys tribute band. Sookie: Ooh. Fun! (Arlene leaves.) SCENE 13: Merlotte's, that evening. Sam is pouring a bottle of Tru:Blood down the drain at the sink behind the bar. Tara is clearing a table, and walks to a booth where Hoyt, dressed in a dark blue shirt, is sitting. Sam watches. Hoyt: You look mighty pretty tonight, Tara. That's a nice color on you. Tara: <snip> you. (Tara walks to the bar.) Hoyt: I'm sorry, w...was that sexist? (Tara is at the bar. Sam is not happy.) Sam: May I have a word with you? In my office. (Tara follows Sam to his office.) Tara: Hey, I get it. You said yourself hirin' me might not work out. I <snip> people off. If you wanna fire me, fire me. I totally understand. Sam: No. You and I are the only ones who get it. (Sam grabs Tara by her arms and pushes her up against the closed door of his office.) Sam: It's everybody else who's <snip> themselves up. (Sam kisses Tara on the lips, and she kisses him.) SCENE 14: Sookie and Bill are in her bed. Her head is on his left shoulder. He plays with her hair and looks directly upward. Sookie: Doesn't it get old...for you? I mean, you've been doin' it for over a hundred years. Doesn't it get predictable? Bill: Not with you, it doesn't. You're entirely different. And the beauty and the tragedy of it is...is that you don't know just how different you are. Sookie: Please tell me if I'm doin' somethin' wrong. Bill: There's nothin' more natural than the act of makin' love. Who am I to try to change what comes naturally to you? Sookie: But if you could change somethin'... (Bill raises his head and looks at Sookie.) Bill: I wouldn't change a thing. (Bill kisses Sookie.) Sookie: What's it like to sleep in the ground? (Sookie giggles quietly.) Bill: It's not exactly comfortable. But it is safe. Which, if I recall, is what the three voice mails required of me that night. (The doorbell chimes, and Sookie gasps.) Sookie: Oh, crap. Arlene. I forgot, I told her I'd babysit the kids. Bill: Shall I go? Sookie: No. Stay. It'll be good for her. You can put some pants on, though. (Sookie kisses Bill and gets out of bed to answer the door. She is wearing a pink nightie. Bill remains in bed. Sookie goes downstairs, opens the front door, and greets Arlene, her daughter Lisa, her son Coby, and Ren . Coby is playing with a Nintendo Game Boy.) Sookie: Hi! Arlene: Sookie. What's wrong? What took you so long? Sookie: I was out back in the yard. Coby: In your nightie? Bill: The cat got out. (Bill is dressed, and walks into view.) Bill: Made friends with a squirrel. Lisa: Mommy, look, it's a vampire! (Lisa and Coby smile and run to Bill, but are stopped by Arlene.) Arlene: Uh, Sookie. You didn't mention...that you had company. Sookie: I didn't think I had to. Arlene: Well, I got a right to know who's lookin' after my children. Sookie: Well, here we are. Is there a problem? (Lisa and Coby continue to look at Bill. Lisa smiles, while Coby looks in wonderment.) Ren : Ahh, take it easy, ch re. Mr. Compton raised a couple of them little ones himself if I remember, yeah? Bill: That's quite right. (Arlene removes two silver bangle bracelets, and places them on Lisa's and Coby's wrists. Coby's Game Boy is firmly closed.) Arlene: Keep these on you, you hear? And, um...stay close to your Aunt Sookie. (Coby is now playing with his Game Boy.) Sookie: They'll be fine, I promise. (to Lisa and Coby) Who wants pizza? Coby: Me! Lisa: Me! Sookie: That's good, 'cause that's what we're havin'. (Sookie reaches out to Coby and Lisa and they go up to her.) Ren : You can eat pizza? Bill: Well, unfortunately, no, but I understand it's delicious. (Bill smiles. Sookie giggles.) SCENE 15: Sam Merlotte's trailer, that same evening. Sam is sharing some time with Tara in his bedroom. Tara: You know what's good about s*x that people never mention? Sam: Hmm. Tara: For anywhere between five minutes to an hour, you forget your own <snip> life. Sam: Hmm. Only if it's good. If it's not, it reminds you just how bad your life really is. Tara: Then I guess you're pretty good. Sam: Thanks, you're not bad yourself. Tara: Easy on the praise, honey. Sam: What? No, you're good. Tara: But? Sam: Nothin'. It's good. You're good. Tara: Uh-huh. What am I doin' wrong? Sam: Nothin'. I... it's...it's so minor, it doesn't matter. Tara: Sam, what is it? Sam: Don't do this to me. Tara: Spit it out! Sam: Sometimes...you grunt. Tara: I what? Sam: It's... it's natural. Nothin' to get worked up over. It's just a sound. Tara: A gruntin' sound? Like a farm animal? Sam: No. No. It's... it's...it's... it's athletic. Like tennis players when they serve. Tara: You mean like Serena? (Sam opens his mouth to say something, but the words just aren't there.) Tara: What, because I'm Black, I sound like Serena Williams? Sam: That's not what I said! Tara: You racist son of a bitch! (Tara gets out of Sam's bed.) Sam: How can I be racist? I just had s*x with you! Tara: You <snip>! (Tara puts on her top.) Tara: Why'd you have to go and take the only good ten minutes of my entire day and ruin it like that? Sam: Well, I think it was more than ten minutes. (Tara puts on her pants.) Tara: Oh, <snip> you! <snip> you all! Sam: All who? Tara: Everybody. <snip> everybody! (Sam looks puzzled, and a door slams.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 16: The kitchen of Sookie's house. Sookie, Coby and Lisa are sitting at the table. Ice cream glasses are in front of Coby, Lisa, and Sookie, as is a tub of Blue Bell ice cream. Bill brings a white plastic tub of Cool Whip to them. Bill: Whipped cream! (Bill spoons a dollop of Cool Whip onto their ice cream.) Coby: Yeah! Lisa: Me, too! Bill: I hope you can finish this before your mother comes back. Coby: No problem. I ate a whole jar of mayonnaise once. Lisa: I had to watch. Coby: Bill, how come you can't have ice cream? Bill: Hmm...you might say that I'm...lactose intolerant. Coby: Just like my Aunt Fern. Except she don't tolerate Mexicans. Lisa: Aunt Sookie, is Bill your boyfriend? Sookie: Well... (Sookie turns to Bill, who sits beside her now.) Sookie: ...would you say that you're my boyfriend? Bill: Well, I suppose I'd have to ask permission from Coby and Lisa. (to Coby and Lisa) Would it be all right with you if I was Aunt Sookie's boyfriend? Lisa: Do you buy her flowers? Bill: Why, no, I...I haven't yet. Lisa: You better. Ren buys flowers for momma all the time. Bill: Then I will have to mend my ways. Lisa: You do that. Then we'll talk. Coby: Can we see your fangs? Sookie: I don't think that's gonna be possible. Bill: Why, certainly. (Bill, still seated, turns away, then turns to face Coby and Lisa with a set of obviously fake vampire fangs with fake blood on them, his hands up in the air with the fingers bent slightly, as if he's about to grab them.) Bill: Urrrrrrrrrrrr! (Coby, Lisa, and Sookie laugh.) SCENE 17: Nighttime. A truck is stopped on a dark road, and its headlights are turned off. Ren (off-camera): Aww. I t'ink we got a flat tire. (inside the truck, we see Ren in the driver's seat, and Arlene in the passenger seat.) Arlene: Come on, baby, the kids are waitin' on us. I don't wanna leave them with that vampire longer than I have to. Ren : Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm gettin' to it, woman. (Ren leaves the truck and closes the door.) Ren : B b ! Arlene: What? Ren : Pass me that Maglite, will you? (Arlene opens the glove compartment and retrieves a silver Maglite. She opens the door, steps onto the dark road, and walks to the other side of the truck, trying to turn on the Maglite, which does not turn on. Ren , squatting beside one of the wheels, waits for her.) Arlene: Crap, it's burnt out. Ren : Are you sho'? You better check it. I just put some fresh batt'ries in there. (Arlene unscrews the cap on the tail end of the Maglite. Something falls to the ground as the cap is removed. Arlene looks around her for the object, but Ren has found it already. He moves closer to her, holding the object, a ring, up to her.) Ren : Arlene Fowler? (Arlene gasps.) Ren : Would you do me da honor...o' bein' my wife? (Arlene cries and smiles as Ren slides the ring onto her finger. As he does so, we see that he wears his watch on his left wrist. After the ring is on Arlene's finger, Ren stands up, and they kiss.) Arlene: Why didn't you say anything at the Red Lobster? (Arlene and Ren hug each other.) SCENE 18: Sookie's kitchen. Arlene, Ren , Bill and Sookie are sitting at the table. Arlene is showing Sookie her engagement ring. Arlene: I know I've done it four other times, but it never gets old! Sookie: Oh, I'm so thrilled for you two! Arlene: Would you be a bridesmaid for me again? Sookie: Why, of course! You hardly have to ask! Arlene: Oh, honey, I love you so much! (Arlene and Sookie hug each other and giggle.) Ren (to Bill): Maybe you two are next, huh? (Sookie and Arlene stop giggling.) Ren : Well, I mean, when it becomes legal. (Lisa walks into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes.) Lisa: Mommy, what's going on? (Arlene turns to Lisa.) Arlene: Sweetie, you're gonna be my flower girl! (Arlene and Lisa squeal with delight. Lisa smiles broadly and hugs Arlene. Sookie smiles, as does Bill.) SCENE 19: Morning at the Stackhouse home. The sun shines brightly and birds chirp. In the kitchen, Bill sits at the table, reading the newspaper, The Bon Temps Bugle. The table is set, and breakfast is ready. Sookie walks in. Bill: Mornin', dear. Sookie: Bill. Did you make all this? Bill: I borrowed some of your grandmother's old recipes... (Bill and Sookie kiss.) Bill: ...but the handiwork is all mine. (Bill returns to his newspaper. Sookie walks around him, looking at the meal he has prepared.) Sookie: I don't even know where to begin. Bill: Well, I would start with the biscuits. [points to biscuits] They just came out of the oven. (The morning sun streams into the kitchen from the window above the kitchen sink, directly behind Bill. He smiles at Sookie as she sits down, and Bill looks up from his newspaper.) Bill: Gonna be clear skies all day. Sookie: Wait, Bill, it's light out. (Bill turns to the window behind him. His face is immediately burned.) Bill: Yes, I suppose it is. (Bill turns to face Sookie, and ignites in flames.) (Sookie's eyes open, and she jumps up. She is in bed. Daylight streams through her bedroom window. A black cat meows beside her.) SCENE 20: Coroner Mike Spencer's office. Mike is on the phone, and looks as if he's been crying. Mike Spencer: Yeah...yeah, okay...No. No, I'll make the call...His momma passed a couple years back, but he had some family in Kentucky. (Sheriff Bud Dearborn sits in the passenger seat of a patrol car, talking on his cell phone. Detective Andy Bellefleur sits in the driver's seat. The patrol car is parked.) Sheriff Dearborn: His dentist confirmed the match just a bit ago. I thought you should be the first to know. (Mike becomes more visibly emotional.) Mike Spencer: God dang it. Why Neil? He was such a quiet kid. I'd have never thought he'd get mixed up with fangers. Damn. To have nothing left of you to ID but teeth. Sheriff Dearborn: You wanna maybe let one of the homes in Monroe handle him? Mike Spencer: No. No. He worked for me. I owe it to him. Gimme a couple hours, I'll come over and claim him, okay? Sheriff Dearborn: Okay. Thanks, Mike. Mike Spencer: Yeah. (Mike hangs up the phone. He wears a wedding band on his left ring finger.) Andy Bellefleur: Pretty tore up? Sheriff Dearborn: Blind-sided him. Had no idea Neil was a fang-banger. Andy Bellefleur: Jesus, Bud. The kid was creepy. What nineteen-year-old goes to work for a funeral home? Sheriff Dearborn: I worked in a slaughterhouse when I was fifteen. They made me clean chitlins. (Andy looks away from Bud.) Andy Bellefleur: Speakin' of freaks... (Sam is walking nearby. Bud and Andy exit the patrol car. It is revealed that their patrol car has been parked outside Merlotte's Bar & Grill. Sookie's yellow Honda is parked nearby. Sam walks toward the back of the restaurant, followed by Bud and Andy.) Sam (off-camera): And that's it. (Sam is sitting on the arm of his sofa in his trailer as Sheriff Dearborn and Andy Bellefleur question him.) Sam: I got no control over what people do after they leave the bar. Sheriff Dearborn: You remember anyone being unusually angry over what those vampires did to your bar? Sam: Yeah. Everyone. We were all angry. Heck, you might as well interrogate the whole town. Between you and me, I wouldn't be heartbroken if you didn't find who did it. You know what I'm sayin'? Old Mrs. Stackhouse, on the other hand, now that's a real tragedy. Her and Dawn and Maudette Pickens, one right after the other. You fellas got any leads on that? Andy Bellefleur: We're workin' on some right now. Sam: Good. I'm pullin' for you guys. Sheriff Dearborn: Okay. You remember anything else, we'll be havin' a burger inside. (Bud puts an unlit cigar in his mouth.) Sheriff Dearborn: Come on, Andy. (Bud and Andy turn and walk to the door. Bud opens the door, and he and Andy go outside. Neither one closes the door.) Andy Bellefleur (off-camera): Hey, Sam! (Andy walks back inside of Sam's trailer.) Andy Bellefleur: One other thing. You recall spendin' any time out in the woods lately? Sam: Yeah. Some. But you knew that already, didn't you? (Andy folds his arms.) Sam: Oh, Andy. If...if I tell you...you have to keep this a secret. All right, nobody in town knows. But, uh...I come from a family of naturists. Andy Bellefleur: Like bird watchers? Sam: No. No, not naturalists. Naturists. Naturists believe in a...a freer, clothing-optional kind of lifestyle. Andy Bellefleur: You're a nudist? Sam: No. No. Good Lord, no. But my folks were, I'm embarrassed to say. They spent most of their lives at a nudist colony. Andy Bellefleur: Oh, yeah? Around here? Sam: No, in Texas, just outside Beaumont. But, uh...ever since they passed, I honor their memory once a year by takin' a run through the woods the way they used to. It's...it's my private way of mourning. I'm sorry if anybody had to see it. Andy Bellefleur: Hrmph. SCENE 21: Merlotte's Bar & Grill. Lafayette puts some green vegetables on a plate with some fried food. Amy, now wearing a white Merlotte's t-shirt, stands at the kitchen window loading plates onto a tray. Lafayette is giggling quietly as he takes the plate to Amy. Tara is in the kitchen with him. Tara: What? Lafayette: Hooker, you done got took. (Amy take her tray away. Lafayette walks over to Tara.) Lafayette: That was no damn exorcism. That was a straight-up con job! Tara: You know what the <snip> up thing is? Lafayette: What? Tara: It worked! It was like aliens beamed down and switched out her brain or somethin'. Lafayette: Then that was fo' fo'ty-five well-spent. <snip>. Happy dance. (Lafayette does a little dance as he pours liquid (from what looks like a Patr n tequila bottle) into a coffee mug.) Lafayette: You should be glad to be rid of that...that's your momma. I ain't gonna say it. Tara: <snip> that. All that <snip> you've built up your whole life doesn't go away because a hoodoo woman moves some rocks around on your belly. Lafayette: I thought you said it worked. Tara: I thought you said it was a con job. Lafayette: Heifer, it's not a con job if you got your money's worth. Hell. And who knows? It might do you some good too. Tara: I don't have another four forty-five to waste on <snip>. Lafayette: You just sayin' that 'cause you don't understand it. (Lafayette places the mug next to the kitchen stove.) Lafayette: And trust me, this world is filled with things we will never understand. Compared to a lifetime of Zoloft, four forty-five's a bargain. (Lafayette resumes cooking.) (In another part of Merlotte's (possibly Sam's office), Sookie is taking a vitamin as Sam walks in.) Sam: Hey, what'cha doin'? Sookie: Vitamin. Sam: I've never seen you take a vitamin before. Sookie: So what? You've never seen me put on deodorant or wash my hair or feed my cat, have you? But I do all those things. I don't need a permission slip from you. (Sookie chuckles slightly and walks away. Sam walks to where she was standing. He picks up a bottle of vitamin B-12 and crushes it against the stone fireplace.) Sam: Christ. (Sam sits down, and begins picking up the broken pieces.) SCENE 22: Afternoon. Amy is leaving Merlotte's, walking quickly. She approaches Jason's truck. Jason is in the driver's seat. She gets in on the passenger side. Jason: Good day? (Amy closes the passenger door and heaves a sigh, not looking at Jason.) Amy: I need V. (Amy turns to Jason and he looks puzzled at her.) Jason: What? I thought you said you didn't need any again until...you needed it again. Amy: Well, I need it. Okay? Jason: Okay. Amy: Look me in the eye. Tell me that you don't want it too. Jason: Yeah. Of course I do. But Lafayette won't sell it to me. (Amy looks at Jason and she rocks slightly.) SCENE 23: The Old Compton House. Crickets chirp as Bill opens the door and walks inside with clothes in plastic bags on hangers. He closes the door, and notices lights are on in the foyer. Soft music plays in the background now. He hangs the clothes on the newel of the staircase and, with lightning speed, he runs upstairs. He creeps along the hallway, following the sounds of music, which is louder now. He sees light through the crack between a door and the floor, and opens the door, which leads to his bathroom. Eric is relaxing in Bill's bathtub. A portable stereo is beside the tub, and candles are lit, as is a small lamp beside the door. Eric: I texted you three times. Why didn't you reply? Bill: I hate usin' the number keys to type. What are you listenin' to? Eric: From my younger days. It's really quite beautiful if you know Old Swedish. I have a favor to ask of you. Bill: A favor or an order? (Bill folds his arms. Eric turns his head slowly to Bill.) Eric: Depends on how you look at it. Honestly, did you think you could keep her to yourself? SCENE 24: Nighttime. Jason and Amy are in Jason's truck, parked outside someone's home. A dog barks in the background. Jason: It feels a little like stalkin, don't it? (Amy rocks slightly in her seat. She seems nervous.) Amy: It's the most natural thing in the world. The hunt. People used to do this all the time, y'know, before we got complacent with cloned beef and pre-packaged dinners. (The house door opens and Lafayette exits. He is dressed in a tank top, jeans, and ball cap, and carrying a green and white plastic beverage cooler. He walks to his car, a convertible with its top down. He places the cooler in the back seat, takes off his ball cap, gets into the driver's seat, starts the car, and drives away as Jason and Amy watch from their distance. Jason prepares to start the truck.) Amy: Headlights off. Jason: You done this before? Amy: Stay five lengths behind, ten if we get on the parish road. Elsewhere, an older, slightly overweight Caucasian man walks downstairs and lights a couple of candles in the living room. Soft elevator-type music plays in the background. A knock is heard from his front door. He opens the door. Lafayette: Well, hey there, sweetness. You ready to party? (The older man smiles, revealing fangs.) Lafayette: I'll take that as a yes. (Lafayette runs his finger along the vampire's chest as he walks inside.) Lafayette: Nasty. (A "whoosh" sound accompanies the closing of the front door. In the kitchen, the vampire uncorks a bottle of wine as Lafayette turns down the volume on the vampire's stereo. The vampire brings the opened bottle and a single glass into the living room.) Vampire: I bought this 'specially for you. (Lafayette sits down.) Vampire: I remember you said you go for merlot. Lafayette: I said I worked at Merlotte's. But whatever. Po' me some anyhow. (The vampire walks to where Lafayette is sitting, places the glass on the coffee table, and pours some merlot into it. Lafayette's green and white cooler is also on the coffee table. The vampire picks up the glass and offers it to Lafayette, who sniffs it and looks at it, but does not immediately drink it. The vampire sits beside Lafayette, and nuzzles against Lafayette's bare shoulder. Lafayette sips the wine and, with his head turned, discreetly spits the wine back into the glass. The vampire continues his amorous overtures, but Lafayette nudges his elbow softly into the vampire's abdomen.) Lafayette: All right, baby. Eddie juice first... (The vampire kisses Lafayette's shoulder.) Lafayette: ...then we play. (Eddie sits back on the sofa as Lafayette removes his ball cap, opens the cooler, and withdraws a syringe from it. Eddie offers his right arm. Lafayette licks and kisses the area on Eddie's arm where the needle will be stuck, and the vein suddenly pops into view directly underneath Eddie's skin.) Lafayette: Oh, there it is. (Lafayette sticks the needle into the vein, and Eddie lets out a small gasp.) Eddie: I always look forward to Monday nights. First Heroes, then...you. Lafayette: Eddie, what fun is it bein' a vampire if all you do is watch TV? Eddie: Well, I like TV. Lafayette: Umm. I'm just sayin' you should try the bars. I know you like gettin' laid too. Eddie: Why should I go to the bars? I got this. (Eddie looks toward the ceiling and inhales deeply as Lafayette's attention is focused on the syringe in Eddie's arm.) Eddie: You like me, don't you, Lafayette? (Lafayette removes a vial of Eddie's blood from the syringe.) Lafayette: Sure, I like you. Eddie: I mean...even if I wasn't helping out with the blood, you'd still...want me, right? Lafayette: Why you even got to aks me that? Eddie: I'd hate to think it's just...bidness for you when you come over. Lafayette: Of course not. What, you think I fool around with all my business associates? (Eddie chuckles quietly.) Lafayette: Ah, there we go. (Lafayette removes another vial of Eddie's blood, then removes the needle from Eddie's arm. He places the vial and the needle in the green and white cooler.) Lafayette: Now show me what a dirty old vampire you is. (Eddie and Lafayette kiss one another on the lips.) Eddie: I want you so bad. I ache. (Lafayette grabs Eddie's hair, then stands up. Lafayette holds Eddie's hands and pulls Eddie up off the sofa.) Lafayette: Well, come on, baby. I take care of you. SCENE 25:A car pulls into the parking lot of Fangtasia. A sign reads CLOSED on the black leather-padded front door, but the red neon FANGTASIA sign is lit. Bill (off-camera): You said you wanted to go out tonight. (Inside the car, Bill is in the driver's seat, with Sookie as his passenger. She is holding some red and white roses.) Sookie: I did not mean Fangtasia! I mean, really, all those pathetic people who come here looking for s*x with vampires? (Bill turns and looks directly at Sookie.) Bill: I know. It's despicable. Sookie: You know what I mean! So, what, five, ten minutes? Bill: As long as Eric requires us. Sookie: You mean as long as he requires me. Didn't even have the decency to ask me himself. Bill: You are mine. He didn't need to ask your permission. Sookie: He cannot check me out like a library book! Bill: Unfortunately, Sookie, he can. Eric is sheriff of Area Five. Sookie: Sheriff? Bill: It's a position of great power among our kind. We do not wanna anger him! As long as the requests are reasonable, we should accede to his wishes. (Sookie looks away from Bill, and sniffs the roses. She puts the roses down, and she and Bill get out of the car.) Sookie: I had this crazy dream this morning. We were sitting, eating breakfast, and all of a sudden the sunlight set you on fire. (Bill is quiet for a moment.) Bill: It wouldn't happen quite that way. The sunlight would severely weaken me and eventually, of course, I would die. But I wouldn't burst into flames. Not right away, at least. (Bill walks away.) Sookie: So I guess we'll never have breakfast together. SCENE 26: The exterior of Miss Jeanette's bus in the woods. Crickets chirp and an owl hoots in the background. It is night. Tara walks up from behind some trees and slowly approaches the bus. A twig snaps. Startled, Tara turns her head to find Miss Jeanette standing directly behind her. Miss Jeanette: I knew you'd come. (Miss Jeanette has a small smile on her face. Tara continues to stare at her.) Miss Jeanette: Let's go inside. (Tara turns and steps into the bus, as Miss Jeanette follows.) SCENE 27: Andy Bellefleur sits at his computer, talking on the phone. Naturist Community Employee: No, I'm quite certain. (Cut to a shot of the office of the Naturist Community. A nude male stands behind a conveniently-opened file cabinet drawer and goes through some files as he talks on the phone with Andy. Behind him are various naturists, visible through the office window.) Naturist Community Employee: We keep extensive records here. All the way back to, uh...1958. Never had anybody by the name of Merlotte here. Andy Bellefleur: And you're sure you're the only nudist colony in the Beaumont area? Naturist Community Employee: Naturist community. We're the first, finest and only clothin'-optional sanctuary in all of Jefferson County. Andy Bellefleur: All right. Thanks very much. Naturist Community Employee: You come visit us, you hear? Got a barbecue every month. (Andy hangs up the phone, and looks puzzled.) SCENE 28: The bar at Fangtasia. Sookie sits at a cocktail table as Pam leans against the bar, her arms folded. Eric walks into view. Eric: Pam, Longshadow and I are partners in this club. (Eric circles Sookie as he walks. Bill is leaning against the bar on the opposite side of the well from Pam.) Eric: And we recently noticed that sixty-thousand dollars has gone missing from our books. And Bruce... (Eric stops walking. The camera moves down to reveal Bruce, a bespectacled older Caucasian male. He looks quite scared.) Eric: ...is our accountant. Perhaps you can start by listening to him. (Bruce is sitting at the same cocktail table as Sookie.) Sookie: He's not saying anything. Eric: Don't be coy. (Longshadow, behind the bar, passes his hand over the open flame of a cigarette lighter.) Eric: It's humbling enough to turn to a human for assistance. We know what you can do. Sookie: And I know what you can do too. Why don't you just glamour him? Eric: Now, don't you think we might have tried everything before summoning you? (Sookie stares at Eric.) Eric: So...it would be a great favor to me and to Mr. Compton if you help us. Sookie: If I find out who did it, then what? Longshadow: We'll turn that person over to police and let the authorities handle it from there. Sookie (facing Longshadow): Hundreds of years old and you're still a terrible liar. Come on. (Sookie turns around in her chair to face Eric.) Sookie: I'll make you a deal: If you promise to hand over the person who did this to the police, I'll agree to help you any time you want. Eric: All right. Why not? (Sookie grabs Bruce's hand and listens to his thoughts.) Bruce (thinking): <snip>, what's this crazy bitch doing? Why did I agree to work for vampires? <snip> damn it, I knew it was a bad idea. I've been nothin' but straight with these <snip> s. Gotta be a <snip> idiot to steal from them. Jesus Christ, I was the one who reported it! (Sookie stops listening to Bruce's thoughts.) Sookie: Bruce, it's okay. Take a deep breath. Did you steal their money? Bruce: No, no. You gotta believe me. I didn't do it. I swear to... Sookie: Shhhh. Do you know who did? Bruce: No. Bruce (thinking): No, I wish. I would turn that <snip> in. Who was it? Couldn't have been Ginger. She's too <snip> dumb. Although she's hot as <snip>. I'd <snip> her if I could. (Sookie looks up to Eric.) Sookie: He's tellin' the truth. Longshadow (to Eric): You trust the skinny human to clear the fat one? Eric: Bring the next one in. (A look of relief falls over Bruce's face, and he cries. A wedding band is visible on his left ring finger.) SCENE 29: Outside of Eddie's house at night. Amy listens to Johnny Cash's song "The Fourth Man In The Fire" in Jason's truck as Lafayette leaves Eddie's townhouse. Lafayette places the cooler in the back seat of his car (an ivory-colored Mercedes), takes off his ball cap, gets into the car, and drives away. Jason's truck turns the corner and pulls into Eddie's driveway. Jason cuts off the engine as Amy rummages through her purse. Jason: You got cash? Are you buying? Amy: Just remember your lines, that's all I need from you. I'll handle the rest. Jason: Hey, I'm not gonna have to have s*x with him, am I? Amy: I said that I will handle it. (Amy glares at Jason.) Jason: Okay. (Jason slumps down in the driver's seat as Amy removes her lariat necklace and wraps it around her fist.) Jason: Okay, I know you probably don't think I'm all that smart, but I do know that that vampire can kill us both! Before we even get in the door. (Amy looks at Jason.) Jason: You'll handle it. (Jason looks at Amy, and looks downward, as if he's noticed something in her hand.) Jason: What the hell is that? (Inside the townhouse, Eddie sits in his recliner and watches TV. The Rev. Steve Newlin of the Fellowship of the Sun Church is speaking.) Steve Newlin: While the wing nuts on the left keep pushing their so-called vampire-rights legislation, I'm more concerned with basic human rights. The right for our sons and daughters to go to school without fear of molestation by a bloodthirsty predator in the playground or in the classroom. Someone has got to take a stand for public safety over permissiveness and immorality. (The TV cuts to a shot of a woman dressed in a purple and white dress, sitting in a room with candles lit. The letters VTV appear in red in the lower right-hand corner, and the title FANG FILES appears.) Fang Files Hostess: If you ask me, he's protesting a little too hard. Come out of the closet, Reverend Steve! I know plenty of friendly vampires who'd like to take a bite out of you! (chuckle) Oh, but truly, it's inflammatory talk from folks like Steve Newlin who make me ashamed to call myself a human. (Eddie's doorbell rings.) Fang Files Hostess: Thanks for watching. We'll be bite back. (Eddie uses the remote to turn off the TV. He gets up from the recliner, walks over to the entrance, and looks through the glass at the top of the door.) Eddie: Who is it? (Jason looks through the door's glass from the other side.) Jason: I'm a friend of Lafayette Reynolds. He sent me for you. (Jason smiles. Eddie peers downward at Jason, and opens the door. Amy rushes to the door and throws a silver hood over Eddie's head. Eddie screams and falls. It sounds as if the silver hood is burning his flesh.) Jason: Jesus Christ! Amy: Get his feet. (Amy throws a silver line to Jason and begins tying Eddie's hands with her own silver line. Smoke begins coming up from underneath the hood over Eddie's head.) Jason: Are you <snip> kiddin' me? Amy (screaming): Get his feet! Jason: Okay, okay. (Jason ties Eddie's feet with the silver line.) Eddie (screaming and crying): No, please! I'll give you anything you want. Amy (yelling): Shut up! Jason: Amy, what the hell? Amy (screaming): No names, dumb ass! Jason: I thought we were just gonna take a little blood and go. Amy: Shut the <snip> up! Jason: Jeez. Amy (yelling): Now, come on, lift! Jason: What? Amy (yelling): Lift him up! (Amy and Jason pick Eddie up and take him to Jason's truck.) Eddie (screaming): Please! No! No! I'll do anything you want! Please! (Jason and Amy put Eddie in the bed of Jason's truck, throw a blanket over him, and close the tailgate.) SCENE 30: Fangtasia. Pam leads a blond woman holding a lit cigarette to Sookie. Pam: This is the last of our humans. Ginger (to Sookie): Hmm. Yummy. (Pam seats Ginger and also puts out her cigarette.) Eric: Ginger. This woman has some questions for you. Now, be a good girl and answer them, will you? Ginger: Aye, aye, master. (Sookie reaches out for Ginger's hand, and Ginger takes her hand away.) Ginger: Don't you touch me. Eric: Hold her still. (Pam walks up behind Ginger and places her hands on Ginger's shoulders. Sookie takes Ginger's left hand into her right.) Sookie: Ginger, someone's been stealin' money from the bar. Ginger: Really? Huhn. Ginger (thinking): Don't look at me you <snip> bitch. I didn't do nothing. I'll beat the <snip> out of you if you say I did. It wasn't me that took it. <snip>! It wasn't me (Sookie looks up toward Eric and Pam.) Sookie: She didn't do it... but she knows who did. Ginger: What? <snip> you. (thinking) <snip>. How'd she know? I didn't tell anyone, I swear. <snip>! He's gonna kill me! Sookie: Who? Who's gonna kill you? Ginger honey, what's his name? (Smoke rises from a burning cigarette. Ginger does not answer.) Sookie: It's blank, like her memory's been erased. (Ginger looks up toward Eric and Pam.) Ginger: I don't know anything, I swear. Pam: She's been glamoured. Sookie: It's a vampire. (Longshadow jumps over the bar toward Sookie and exposes his fangs.)

Sookie thinks Bill was killed in the fire, while Jason wakes up with Amy, thinking they had sex, but it turns out that they were simply V-tripping. Jason opens up to her about his parent's tragic deaths. Tara is amazed at Lettie Mae's seemingly instantaneous recovery and fights with Sookie about Bill. That night, Sookie takes flowers to Bill's grave. As she is walking back, she is attacked by Bill and they have sex. The next day, Jason introduces Amy to Merlotte's and she is hired as a new waitress, but Sookie tries to warn her about Jason. Tara lashes out at her mother's born-again Christianity and, after sleeping with Sam again, snaps at him. Sookie and Bill babysit Arlene's kids and Rene proposes to Arlene, who accepts. Mike Spencer, the coroner, identifies the fourth body in the fire as Neil, his assistant who was secretly a "fang banger". Sam is interrogated by Bud and Andy. Sam claims that he comes from a family of naturists and runs naked through the woods once a year to honor them. But Andy checks and finds out Sam was lying. After talking with Lafayette, Tara starts thinking that she may need an exorcism . Jason sees Amy's darker side when she reveals that she needs more V, but Lafayette won't sell it to him. They decide to follow him and discover that he gets his V-juice from a gay vampire, Eddie. Bill finds Eric in his bathtub who needs Sookie to work for him. Tara goes to Miss Jeanette to get her exorcism. After Lafayette leaves, Jason and Amy kidnap Eddie and shove him into Jason's truck. Sookie reluctantly goes to Fangtasia, where Eric uses her telepathy to find who has embezzled . Sookie learns that a woman named Ginger knows the money was taken, but her memory has been wiped, which means a vampire must have stolen it. At that moment, Longshadow attacks her.

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"Toy House" 11th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 1ADA10 [SCENE_BREAK] (Episode opens with a blurry image of a bird flying away. Scene switches to the Evans household where Mrs. Evans, AKA Diane, is cooking dinner) Max: Why don't you put a little more garlic in that, mom? Diane: You know how I get when your father's away on business, honey. Fried foods, red meat... Max: You're a real party animal. Diane: Oh, shut up. Oh...so, what's that, biology? Max: Yeah. Everything you always wanted to know about a dead frog. Diane: Oh...not my strongest subject. Max: Mine, either. But I have a good lab partner. She's really good in science, so... Diane: She? Max: Mom... Diane: Well, I'm just curious. Does, uh, she have a name? (Mrs. Evans knocks over the bottle of oil and oil is oozing over the counter top towards the skillet) Max: Liz. Diane: Oh, right. Liz Parker. Isn't she the one that came by the other day? Max: Yeah. Diane: So...what are you, just...friends or... Max: Yeah. Just... (The oil reaches the skillet and bursts into a giant fireball) Diane: Aah! Max: Mom! Watch out! (Mrs. Evans falls to the floor and has her head turned away as Max rushes over and puts out the grease fire with his power) Max: You all right? You all right? Diane: Max...oh...I, uh...I...think so. (Opening credits) (Back in the Evans' kitchen, firemen are surveying the damage from the fire) Fireman: You're lucky you didn't get hurt. You sure you're all right, ma'am? Diane: Oh, I'm fine, really. Thank you. Fireman: At least we know the security system's working. Diane: Yeah. Max: Yeah, thanks. Max: Sorry you guys had to come out here for no reason. Fireman: Oh, no problem. Diane: You saved my life, Max. Max: Mom, I...I just... Diane: ...poured water on it...you told me. Max: Right. Max: You look tired, mom. Why don't you just go upstairs and get some rest? (Someone is knocking on the front door) Diane: Oh, um...I got it. Really, I'm...I'm fine. Who's there? Oh, Sheriff. Sheriff: Mrs. Evans? Diane: Won't you come in? Sheriff: Thank you. Heard you had an incident here. Just want to make sure everything's ok. Diane: Oh, we're fine, really. Just a ittle grease fire, but thank God my son put it out. Sheriff: Well, no injuries? Max: We're fine. Sheriff: Hmm. Max: Actually, the, uh...the fire department just came here, so... Sheriff: Yeah, I know. Well, it never hurts to double-check. Max: It, uh, it looks a lot worse than it really was. Sheriff: Yeah. From the damages, I'd say you had quite a fire here. That must've been pretty scary. Max: Well...yeah. Diane: For a moment there, sheriff, I wasn't sure what was gonna happen. The flames were coming right at me, and they were...they were high. Sheriff: How high? Diane: I don't know. Maybe...5 feet, maybe higher. Sheriff: But Max saved the day. Diane: Oh, Sheriff...he didn't hesitate. He just came right in, pulled me out of the way, poured this pot of water on it, and suddenly everything was ok. It was miraculous, really. Sheriff: Miraculous. The flames were 5 feet high, or maybe higher. And your mom, God forbid, could've caught on fire, and you put the whole thing out with this one pot of water, huh? Max: Yep. Sheriff: Boy, I gotta hand it to you, Mr. Evans, I'm impressed. You ought to join our fire brigade. Max: Really, it was--it was nothing. Sheriff: No. There's nothing to be humble about. You're a real hero. (Later in Max's room, Max is briefing Isabel on what happened in the kitchen) Isabel: So what are you saying, that mom could've--I mean, that something could've really happened to her? Max: It was a pretty close call. Isabel: What exactly did she see you do? Max: It happened pretty fast. I don't think she saw it. Isabel: Ok. Max: Did she tell you? About, uh...Valenti? Isabel: Valenti? Max: The fire tripped off the security system, and he stopped by to check things out. Isabel: What did he say? Was he suspicious? Max: I'm not sure. He just kept on looking at mom like his next...project or something. Isabel: You're really upset. This is bad. Max: I'm all right. Isabel: Max, I know you. You only ever listen to the Counting Crows when you're really upset. Max: It's not just this. It's...everything. Isabel: You were right to put the brakes on the Liz thing. Max: Thank you. You mentioned that...like 10 times. Isabel: It's just that you guys were getting so intense. It's one thing to have a little fun, but...you know, we just can't get attached like that, Max. Max: I know that. Maybe I just forgot for awhile. I know that now. Isabel: And you can live with that? I mean...you're ok with it? (At the Crashdown, Liz and Maria are talking about Liz and Max's breakup) Liz: I'm definitely ok with it. In fact...I'm great with it. You know? 'Cause we always knew that it couldn't be, that it was this total impossibility, so I'm glad that we were both able to finally just, you know, get it out there. (Liz has been drying a glass incredibly thoroughly) Maria: Liz, the glass is clean. Liz: Right. Look. I mean...sure, you get caught up in the excitement of it all, but...I'm over it. Maria: Are you sure? 'Cause it seems like you kind of got over it pretty quickly. Liz: Well, there's just no reason to let it fester, you know? You gotta just move on and--and not look back. (Liz is scooping coffee into the tray for the coffee maker) Maria: Good. So you're not hurt. Liz: Hurt? Maria: Well, by the way it happened. I mean, it kind of seems like it was more his decision than yours. (Liz scoops more and more coffee into the tray) Liz: No, not at all. Ok? I mean...yes, technically, he is the one who ended it, but...no. It was mutual, you know? It was, like...it was, like, 90% mutual. Maria: Liz, that's enough coffee. Liz: Yeah, ok. (Michael and Max are walking through the halls at school) Michael: You used your powers in front of your mother? That is not fine. Max: Michael, I'm handling it, all right? Michael: Well, I hope so, because dealing with frick and frack over there is one thing, but we can't bring adults into this and expect them to handle it. Adults are the enemy, Max. Remember that. Max: Michael, you say everyone is the enemy. Michael: They are. Liz: Hey. Max: Hey. Michael (to Maria): Hey. Maria: Yeah, whatever. (Maria and Michael walk off in opposite directions) Max: So how's it goin'? Liz: It's great. It's, um...it's really great. Max: Good. Liz: So, um...you know, about the game today and the fact that we all have seats together? You know, the way that I see it, it's just a basketball game. We'll go, and we'll watch, and then we'll leave. It doesn't have to be a big deal. Max: I agree. It's no big deal. Liz: It doesn't...have to be this whole awkward thing. (A group of jocks come through the hall led by Kyle and he notices Liz as he walks past her) Kyle: Hey. (At Evans home, Mrs. Evans is watching a video of Max and Isabel feeding birds) Young Max: Come on birdies. Come on, birdies. Come on. Young Isabel: Come on. Young Max: Come on, birdies. Young Isabel: Max! Mom, look! Isabel: Mom, just promise me you're not gonna get all nostalgic. Diane: I won't. So...your brother...he's always been so private, don't you think? Isabel: Private? Diane: Yeah. I mean, he's always just got his guard up a little bit. Isabel: He's Max. It's who he is. He's always been that way. Diane: Right. And that's what sort of worries me. I mean, why do you think he's always been so secretive? Isabel: Mom, I don't know. Diane: Isabel. Have you ever noticed anything about your brother? Anything...unusual? Isabel: Like what? Diane: Well...I don't know. Anything that...maybe you were unable to explain. Isabel: Mom, what's this about? Diane: Oh. Forget it. Never mind. I guess I'm...I'm just a bit shaken still from the fire. Isabel: Mom... Diane: No, forget it. I'm fine. Get to the game, honey. You're late. Isabel: Yeah, ok. Diane: Isabel? (Isabel looks up at her as if to ask "what?") Diane: Your sweater. Isabel: Oh. (At the basketball game) Liz: Go, comets! Whoo! Maria: Boys, boys. (Comets make a basket) Maria (standing up): Whooohhh! Maria: I'm sorry. I retract...that last "whooh." Michael: Humans. Max: What? Michael: How excited they get over someone throwing a ball through a hoop. It's ridiculous. (Isabel arrives at the game with her 2 clique friends) Isabel: Is there room for us? Alex: Um...yeah. Excuse me. I'm sorry. Sorry. Excuse me. Excuse me, can you just scoot, like, uh...yeah just all... So, welcome to the bleachers. Glad you decided to be a bleacher bum. Michael: How you doin'? Maria: Fine. Hey, Elliot, can I switch seats with you? Isabel: I need to talk to you for a second. (Isabel and Max walk to a quieter section of the floor) Isabel: Mom knows something. Max: What? Isabel: She was asking all these questions about you. She said you had secrets. Max: She said that? Isabel: Yeah. She was watching this video of us from when we were kids. Max: But she always watches videos when dad goes away. She gets sentimental. Isabel: No. It was like she was looking for something. We have to deal with this, Max. Max: Deal with it how? Isabel: Look, I know that we agreed never to tell her, but-- Michael: But what? If your mom finds out about us, our lives are a ticking bomb. It'd only be a matter of time before she told the wrong person. Max: Michael, relax. No one's telling anyone anything. Liz: Come on! Kyle! (Kyle falls to the floor trying to get a loose ball and sprains his ankle) Kyle: God! Ohh! Ohh! (Max notices Liz's obvious concern for Kyle) (At Crashdown, Liz is packing up a pie to go and Max greets her) Max: New home delivery service? Liz: Oh. No, actually, I was just bringing a pie over to Kyle's. Max: Oh. Liz: Yeah. I heard that he, uh, broke his ankle, so... Max: That's too bad. Liz: Yeah. I kind of, uh, feel a little bit responsible because I distracted him at the game and...anyway...it's not a big deal. It's just... Max: A pie. Liz: Right. Uh...I'll see you. (Sheriff stops by at Evans home to check up on Mrs. Evans) Diane: It's nice of you to come by, Sheriff. I'm much better today. Sheriff: Good. Thank God Max was here, huh? Diane: I know. Sheriff: Max is a nice kid, and...special. Diane: He is. Sheriff: I hope he's doing ok. Seems to have been around a couple of near misses lately. Diane: A couple? Sheriff: Yeah, well, you remember that whole shooting incident at the Crashdown Cafe back in September? Diane: Yeah. I remember. What does Max have to do with that? Sheriff: He never mentioned that? Diane: No. Sheriff: Huh. Diane: Sheriff, was Max involved in that somehow? Sheriff: It's just water under the bridge, I guess. Diane: You seem to have some sort of interest in my son. I'd like to know why that is. I mean, if Max was involved in some sort of crime, Sheriff, I think-- Sheriff: Mrs. Evans, I didn't come here to alarm you, ok? I just wanted to make sure that you're feeling better, and I, uh...I also want to drop off this pamphlet on household emergencies. I highlighted the section on grease fires for you. It's helpful information, that's all. I'll let myself out. You have a good day. (In the woodshop work area, Maria is having problems with her project) Maria: Damn! (Michael has been observing Maria from across the room) Michael: You're doing it wrong. You're gripping the wood too tight. Maria: Look, I know how to grip, ok? Michael: Apparently you don't. Maria: Look, I have to finish this, all right? It's my final project, and it's a disaster, so... Michael: It doesn't look that bad. Maria: Oh, yeah. I'm a regular Bob Vila. Michael: No, I'm serious. I mean, it's actually pretty good. Once you put it together, the shoes can go right... Maria: Shoes? What do shoes have to do with this? Michael: You're making a shoe tree, right? Maria: No. I'm making a napkin holder. Michael: Oh. Well...sure will be nice once you put it together. Maria: Look...do you have something you want? Michael: I just saw you in here and I wanted to say hi, but...apparently it was the wrong move. I'll never do it again. Sorry. Good-bye. Maria: Fine. Run away. Perfect. Michael: What the hell's going on with you? All right, I mean...what did I do? Maria: Nothing. That's the problem. Michael: What? Maria: Michael...we saved your ass. Ok? You were all flunked out, sweating, you know, running 112-degree temperature and, like, dying. I could have walked away and never looked back. But I didn't. I did not walk away. There I was, dragging your sweaty, gross body through the Indian reservation, you know, getting my clothes all muddy and...and worrying. 'Cause, you know, I...I really...I thought...you weren't gonna make it. Look...I went out on a limb for you...and you hug Max and Isabel, and it's all about the three of you. I mean...I mean, were you...were you even gonna thank me? Michael: Thank you. Maria: It's too late, pal. (Liz knocks on the front door to the Valenti household where Kyle is watching TV) Kyle: It's open. Liz: Hey. Kyle: Oh, it's you. Liz: Um, look, I know how much you like the pie at the Crashdown, so I, um...I, uh...ok, I'll just put it down right here. Sorry. Look, and I brought...I brought you the study notes for Ethics. I thought you might need them for the midterm. Um...Kyle, uh...I'm really sorry about your ankle, you know...I know how much...basketball means... Kyle: I'm not really in the mood to talk about it. Ok? Liz: Ok. Sure. See ya. (Liz looks back as she's leaving to see if Kyle would turn around, but Kyle doesn't...til after she leaves) (It's late at night in the Evans household and Max is painting over the burn marks on the ceiling) Diane: Max, you don't have to do that. Max: It's no problem. What are you doing up so late? Diane: Mm, couldn't sleep. Boy...this could have been a real disaster. Thank God you were here. Max: Mom, really. You're gonna give me a complex if you don't stop talking about it. Diane: Tell me again, Max. Tell me how you did it. Max: How I did it? Diane: Yeah. You saw the flames, and then you did what? Max: Well, I...I ran to the stove, I grabbed the pot of water that was sitting there and threw it at the fire. That's all I did. Diane: It was a grease fire, Max. The Sheriff stopped by today and gave me this pamphlet. And the thing is, it says right here, water doesn't put out a grease fire. Water makes a grease fire spread. Max, what did you DO? Isabel: I'm home. I thought I heard voices. What's everyone still doing up? (Max and Isabel go off somewhere to talk) Isabel: Oh, Max! The more time we spend doing nothing about this, the more time it gives Valenti to make her curious about us. Max: Isabel, we are dealing with two people who don't know anything. Isabel: We're dealing with two people who know something isn't right. We can't just do a Max on this thing. We can't just sit back and passively watch. Max: I'm not passively watching. Isabel: Max, snap out of it, ok? We're in trouble here. We have to do something. Max: Do what? Isabel: Tell her the truth. Look, I understand how you and Michael feel. But I've wanted to tell mom. I've wanted to tell her every day for the last 10 years. Max: Isabel, I know how you feel. Isabel: I don't think you do. I'm her daughter. A mother and a daughter...it's just different. Don't you see? We're not just hiding it from her now. We're...now we're lying to her. I don't know how much longer I can do that. Max: What if mom found out it's all been a sham? If we took her family away from her, it would destroy her. Isabel: Maybe it would make us all closer. Max: I don't think so. Isabel: What are you saying, that if we tell mom the truth about us, she won't love us anymore? Max: I'm saying we'll never know the answer to that question. Isabel: Max. This isn't just your decision. Max: I know that. Isabel: Do you? (In the morning, Isabel is testing out different shades of lipstick in the mirror) Diane: Knock, knock. Isabel: Oh, God. Mom, you startled me. Diane: Sorry, sweetie. I certainly didn't mean to. Isabel...can you tell me what you remember? I mean, we've never really talked about this much...about you and your brother before daddy and I came into the picture. Isabel: Well...I don't remember much, mom. Diane: Well, I know, honey. You've told me that. And I've always accepted it. But, honey, you were 6 years old. There must be something about your life before us that you remember. Isabel: Well...I remember the orphanage. Um...I most clearly remember seeing you and daddy the day that you came to adopt us, and you were wearing this yellow sweater. And I remember thinking that it looked like the sun. That you were like the sun. Mom, I don't know if you can understand this, but...the day that you and daddy came for us...that's when our lives began. [SCENE_BREAK] (Maria is fiddling around with her woodshop project at a picnic bench and Michael comes up to her) Michael: Interesting. Maria: What? Michael: This whole idea that I have to apologize to you. What's that really about? Maria: What is it about? Michael: I'll tell you what it's about. It's a tactic. Maria: Oh, it's a tactic. Michael: That's right. It's your way of making me think that I owe you something, that I'm indebted to you. Let me tell you something. I'm not indebted to anyone. Maria: Interesting. You know, you should get yourself massive doses of therapy, like immediately. (Michael grabs Maria's woodshop project) Maria: What are you doing? Michael: I'm gonna fix this stupid thing and call it even, all right? So what color do you want, huh? Green? White? Blue, maybe? Maria: Give it. Michael: No way. Maria: Give it to me. Give it to me. (Maria and Michael try to gain possession of the "napkin holder" and wind up pulling it apart) Maria: No...great. Michael: What is your problem? Maria: It's cheating. You can't just wave your hand over a problem and make it go away. Why don't you figure out what's really going on with you, Michael...why you can't just piece together an apology like any normal human being. Oops. Maybe that's the problem. (At the Crashdown, Liz is serving a table as Kyle walks in) Liz: Hi. There you go. Kyle: Hi. I figured it out. Liz: You figured what out? Kyle: It's guilt, isn't it? Liz: What are you talking about? Kyle: The pie, the study notes. It's guilt. You feel responsible for my ankle. Liz: No, Kyle, I don't feel...I don't feel responsible for your ankle. Kyle: I just found out that I'm gonna miss the rest of the season. Liz: Kyle...I'm sorry, Kyle. I, I... Kyle: Ooh. Liz: I admit it, ok? You know, I feel a little bit responsible. I was sitting there, and I was...I was watching you at that basketball game, and you were getting completely trampled. Look, Kyle, I know what it feels like to have somebody, like, break up with you, and I just...I just wanted to say that I'm...I'm really sorry, you know, about how all of it ended and everything, and I am...incredibly sorry about you missing the rest of the season. Kyle: I'm only gonna be out 2 weeks. I just said that to prove a point. Anyway, about...what happened with us...I just wanted to say, you...you were pretty straight with me. And you...you told me it was over, and...and...and I, I didn't listen. I didn't let it go. Liz: Is, um, excuse me? Are you apologizing to me? Kyle: I guess. Liz: Wow. I...you know, I wasn't aware that this was part of your repertoire. Kyle: I didn't either. Liz: So, then, what changed? Kyle: I don't know. I, I was, like...I was just laying there for like 2 days, and it gave me some time to think. And then there was this whole thing on Sally Jessie. You know, "ex-es on a rampage," and it just...it gave me some perspective, so...but anyway, I just...I think it would be great if...you know, if we could, you know, maybe we could be friends. Liz: Well, it...um...sure. We could...you know, we could work towards that. Kyle: So...anyway, about, uh, about lunch... Liz: Oh, yeah. Kyle: I was hoping for something high in both fat and cholesterol and lacking in any inherent nutritional value. Liz: I think that you are just in luck. Let me show you. Right here on the menu us our fatty section. This right here, there's, like, 4 pounds of sugar... (Max arrives at the Crashdown and sees that Liz and Kyle are becoming friendly with each other again) (Mrs. Evans shows up at the police station at the Sheriff's invitation) Sheriff: Thanks for coming in, Mrs. Evans. Diane: Of course, Sheriff. It sounded important. Sheriff: It's just there's something i thought you should see. It's the police report from the incident at the Crashdown Cafe. Diane: Max was there? Sheriff: A few people identified him. Diane: It says he fled the scene. Why would he do something-- Sheriff: You see, that's the thing, Mrs. Evans. There doesn't seem to be any reason for him to have fled. If you turn the page, there's some testimony...from a Larry Trilling and Jennifer Kattler. Now, granted, they're a couple of tourists with a serious credibility issue, but they both said they saw a waitress get shot in the stomach. Diane: Liz Parker? Sheriff: Yeah. And they also claimed that they saw someone go up to her...kneel down over her...put his hand over her, and heal her. Diane: Who? Oh, Sheriff, what are you trying to tell me about my son...that he has some kind of healing powers? Sheriff: I just thought you should see this report. (Max is listening to Counting Crows again. He turns down the volume and hears the videotape of when he and Isabel were playing with the birds when they were young) Max: Can't sleep again? Diane: Max. I want to show you something. Here it comes. Young Diane: Max! Young Max: Mom, look. Young Isabel: The bird is hurt. Something's wrong with its wing. Young Diane: Ok, guys. No, no, Maxie, get away from the bird. He could be sick. Look at his wing. Ok, just leave it alone. I think its wing is broken. Max, honey, just put it down. Please. (Young Max holds the bird in his hands, heals the wing, and lets the bird fly away) Young Diane: Philip. Philip! Did you see that? Did you see that? Diane: Can you...can you help me, Max? Can you tell me what just happened? The bird had a broken wing...and when you touched it...it flew away, honey. It came to life. Max: Mom, that was 10 years ago. Diane: And I've thought about it. I mean, it's just one of those things that happened. I mean, I never really understood it, but there was nothing I could do about it at the time. So I tried to forget about it. But some things you never forget about. And when that kitchen fire happened...I thought about it all over again. Max: Mom, why are you doing this to me? Diane: I'm not doing anything to you. Max: Yes, you are. Diane: I just want to know. Max: Why? You're supposed to be my mother. Diane: I am your mother. Max: You're not supposed to investigate us. Diane: I'm not investigating you. Max: Yes, you are! Diane: I just want to...I just want to talk to you about this. Why can't we... Max: Mom, I can't, all right? I can't talk about this with you. Diane: Max, please, just tell me. Max: Mom, no! Diane: Max, where are you going? Max: Out! (Max slams the door on the way out) (Max, Michael, and Isabel meet at one of their special places, a quarry area, to discuss what to do) Michael: You healed a pigeon. Great. Now you're Dr. Dolittle. Max: Michael, I was 6. I didn't even know I had powers yet. It just happened. Michael: So what's the plan? Max: That's what we're here for...to discuss it. Michael: Well, the first thing is obvious. We get that videotape and we destroy it. All right, after that, it's her word against ours. Isabel: Her word against ours? Michael, she's our mother. Michael: She's not your mother. She's not related to you in any way. Know that. Isabel: But if there's any adult that we can trust, it's her. Michael: What, are you suggesting we tell her? Max: No, she isn't. Isabel: Max, would you let me speak for myself, please? Max: Look, Isabel... Isabel: No, look. Maybe it'll help us out one day to have an adult on our side. Michael: Here's the problem...when you tell her, she's not gonna be on your side. Maybe she loves you now, but there's no such thing as unconditional love. Isabel: Michael, maybe you really don't understand, but she does love us. It is unconditional. Michael: Are you sure about that? Max: Isabel, we are not telling her, all right? Stop it. Isabel: Stop speaking to me like that. Max: Like what? Isabel: Like you're the final word on everything. Max: I didn't say I was! Isabel: Listen to yourself! Max: Michael's right. She's not our mother. We are alone here. We always will be. Stop pretending it's different. Isabel: Max, don't you see what's happening? We're losing her. We're losing our mother. I can't lose her. I need her. Max: We're not telling her, Isabel. That is final. (Isabel walks off and Max throws a rock into the water in frustration) (Maria opens her locker to find a beautifully made napkin holder. There is a note attached to it that reads "Handmade by Michael - Thanks") (Michael has been waiting in the hallway for Maria to come out of class) Michael: Hey. Maria: Hey. Michael: So you get your final assignment evaluated? Maria: Yeah. Michael: How'd you do? Maria: I flunked, as predicted. Michael: What? Maria: Yeah. I guess I can, uh, safely rule out any career paths involving wood. Michael: Didn't you get my thing? Maria: Yeah, I got it. Michael: Well, that's ridiculous. I worked my ass off on that thing. It was beautifully crafted. It was spring activated to secure the napkins. It redefined the term napkin holder. Maria: Yeah, I know, it did. Michael: Well, how could he have flunked you? I mean...Wh-- Maria: Because I, um, I...I didn't use yours. I kept it. Thank you. (Maria starts to walk away) Michael: I have something to say to you. If anything like that happens to me again, like when I got sick, don't help me. I can't get indebted to anyone, and I can't get entangled. I got to be a stone wall. And when I'm around you sometimes, I don't feel like a stone wall anymore. Maria: Well, what do you feel like? Michael: I don't know. Like confused. Maria: Like human? Michael: Yeah, and I don't want to feel that way. (Max watches Liz through the window of the Crashdown Cafe and then taps on it softly) Liz: What's up? Max: Nothing. How's it going? Liz: Fine. Are you all right? Max: Yeah. Yeah. Max: I just...I want you to know that it's ok. I mean...you don't have to feel uncomfortable if you and Kyle get back together. Liz: What? Max: I saw you two together at the Crashdown yesterday. Liz: Ok, um...Max, first of all, that couldn't be further from what's happening, and secondly...if it was happening, I wouldn't need your permission, Max. Max: I'm getting out of here. Now you sound like Isabel. Liz: Why do I sound like Isabel, Max? Max: She's got this thing all of a sudden that I'm controlling. Liz: Oh, so it's HER thing. Max: What? Liz: Max, just take a psych class, because you ARE controlling. Max: Hey, I am who I am. I've got a lot going on, and I'm trying to make things work. Liz: Max, you know what your problem is? You put everything on yourself...on your own shoulders. Maybe you should have some faith in the people around you. (Sometime the next day we see Mrs. Evans is sitting at a bench in a park and Max walks up to her) Max: I thought you might be here. Diane: Max. Honey, sit down. I'm glad you're here. I've been wanting to talk to you about...something we've never discussed before. Have you ever thought about trying to find your...your real parents? I mean, because...I've been thinking, I mean, maybe there's a reason why you can't talk to me. Maybe you need real parents for that. Maybe your father and I just...aren't enough for you. Max: Mom, I don't think we'll ever find our real parents. And...maybe it would, you know...give us some answers, but...please don't ever think that you're not enough. I mean...without you, I...I don't know where I would even be. Diane: Max...nothing you are could ever turn me away from you. I mean...I love you. And you're my son. Do you understand that? Max: Yeah. Diane: Then why...why can't you just tell me your secret? (Max unfolds his jacket and gives his mom the item that was in it) Max: This is for you. Sorry...for the wrapping. Diane: Oh...your house. Max: I remember my first few nights in our house so well. I hated it so much. For Isabel it was different. She saw you and dad, and from the very first moment, she knew she was home. But I would lie in my bed all night and cry. Diane: Because you wanted to go home. Max: Yeah. And you gave me this. And you said that it was a magic house...that if I held onto it, it would take me home. But the thing is, it would never bring me home, because I don't know where home is. I don't remember. That's the truth. And if you can't accept that, then I understand. I could leave. Diane: Leave? Max, please... Max: Mom, please don't ask me about this anymore. It's nothing bad. It's nothing dangerous. I beg you to trust me. I mean...you're my mother. Please, mom. (Max drives back to the secluded canyon area where Isabel is waiting) Max: So I guess we had an argument. Isabel: Yeah. Max: It was interesting. I'm sorry, Iz. Isabel: Did you talk to mom? Max: Yeah. It's gonna be ok. Isabel: You told her? Max: No. (Isabel starts to tear up in the eyes and cries softly) Isabel: I'm sorry. I just...I just wanted her to know. I wanted it so bad. Max: I know. I know you did. We have each other. We're gonna be ok, Iz. We're gonna be ok. (Scene fades out with Max and Isabel hugging each other)

At the Indian reservation, Michael becomes gravely ill after undergoing a mystic sweat ritual, requiring all his friends to band together to save him.

fd_NCIS_02x08

fd_NCIS_02x08_0

INT. NURSES' STATION - DAY DOOLEY: Tell me he's asleep. NURSE: Doctor Byers saw to that. Gave him Percocet before she left. DOOLEY: If I were her, and he called me in at two in the morning, I would have killed him. (SFX: FLAMES EXPLODE) (DOOLEY AND CORPSMAN RUSH TO THE DOOR) (FADE OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BASEMENT - MORNING (SFX: RADIO B.G.) (SFX: PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, it's Gibbs. No, you did not wake me up, DiNozzo. Mmm...okay, I'll meet you there. (TO REDHEAD) Hey, can you drop me by Bethesda? [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. HOSPITAL - DAY TONY: Ho! You got here quick. Where were you? KATE: Home asleep. TONY: Asleep, maybe. But not at home. I got you on your cell. KATE: Drop it, DiNozzo. TONY: Do not make this a challenge, Kate. I will find out. Oh boy. (CAR BRAKES TO A STOP) GIBBS: See ya. TONY: Looks like you and I were the only ones flying solo last night, McGee. MCGEE: Speak for yourself. (TO GIBBS) Morning, Boss. GIBBS: Where? KATE: First floor. A-wing. TONY: Some kind of explosion. Guy went up in flames. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY GIBBS: Name? TONY: Commander Michael Dornan, Safety Officer on the Kennedy. GIBBS: Which just got back from the Gulf. TONY: `Yeah, Friday. He'd been complaining of chest pains. Had open heart surgery four days ago. The doctor who led the team that operated on him is on the way in. GIBBS: I'll talk to him. TONY: That would be a her, boss. Commander Janice Byers. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY TONY: Oh! That had to hurt. GIBBS: What started the fire, Duck? DUCKY: The source of the conflagration appears to be internal. The majority of the damage is confined to the torso. KATE: He was receiving oxygen through a nasal canula. DUCKY: Still it would have needed a source of ignition, and I seriously doubt it could have caused this kind of damage. KATE: Could he have been smoking in bed? TONY: The Corpsman saw him ten seconds before the explosion. Dornan was out cold. MCGEE: Boss, listen, I know this may sound far fetched, but... GIBBS: Will you spit it out, McGee? MCGEE: Spontaneous human combustion. GIBBS: (BEAT) Where's the surgeon? TONY: She's in the waiting room. Just got here. (TO MCGEE) Probie, what are you thinking? Spontaneous human combustion? It's an urban myth. DUCKY: Actually, Tony, we shouldn't disregard the notion. Stories of the phenomenon go way back to the Bible in fact. But it wasn't popularized until Dickens. JIMMY: Charles Dickens? DUCKY: Yes, he used spontaneous combustion to kill off one of his characters, Mister Krook, in the novel Bleak House. It caused a minor uproar. Dickens was accused of perpetuating the age-old superstition. TONY: I saw that movie. DUCKY: The silent version or the British miniseries? TONY: They were talking. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WAITING ROOM - DAY BYERS: Commander Dornan was complaining of pain. He insisted the night staff call me in. GIBBS: Insisted? BYERS: The Commander liked to throw his weight around - especially with the junior nurses and the corpsmen. GIBBS: Normal post op pain? BYERS: To appease him I did an echocardiogram and he was fine. I gave him a Percocet for the pain so he could fall asleep. DUCKY: Ah... Jethro, I'll be-- GIBBS: You headed back? DUCKY: Yeah. GIBBS: Commander Byers, this is Doctor Mallard, our M.E. DUCKY: Hi. GIBBS: Doctor Byers is the surgeon that operated on the victim. DUCKY: Oh! GIBBS: Doctor Mallard is a man of few words. I don't have any more questions for you right now, Doctor. Thank you for your time. BYERS: Sure. (GIBBS WALKS O.S.) DUCKY: What exactly was the procedure? BYERS: Aortic valve repair. DUCKY: Congenital aortic stenosis? BYERS: Acquired. DUCKY: And the prognosis? BYERS: Everything went real well. I was expecting Commander Dornan to be back on active duty in two months. DUCKY: Oh, thank you. Uh... I may have to ask you a question or two after the autopsy. BYERS: I'll give you my numbers. (KATE YAWNS) TONY: It's too bad you didn't get to bed at a sensible hour. I mean sleep because obviously you were in bed. KATE: I get it, Tony. GIBBS: McGee. MCGEE: Yeah, boss? GIBBS: Stay here. Meet with the engineers and the plant manager. I want this oxygen system completely checked out. MCGEE: On it, boss. GIBBS: Everything in this room goes back to Abby. KATE: Everything? (BEAT) Right. GIBBS: Hey. Background the victim. KATE: This is the beginning of a very long day. TONY: Yeah. Too bad you had such a short night. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: I must say I was very intrigued by your doctor. I'm not quite sure why. Did you find her that way, too? JIMMY: It looks like he burned from the inside out. DUCKY: He does, doesn't he, Mister Palmer? Oh, that's the remains of his stomach. Make sure they get to Abigail for content analysis. JIMMY: Um... Doctor? DUCKY: Yes? JIMMY: Does it help you to talk to them? DUCKY: They're still human. Well what we do is very invasive and impersonal. It helps me establish a relationship. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - DAY (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) ABBY: Hey, Gibbs. I hear you're not a fan of S-H-C. GIBBS: Is that a band? ABBY: No, spontaneous human combustion. GIBBS: Don't waste my time, Abs. ABBY: If you ever read my Master's thesis, you may become a believer. GIBBS: Doubt it. ABBY: I can show you photos of what was left of a two hundred and forty pound woman. GIBBS: Yeah, but you won't. ABBY: She was sitting in a chair. All that was left were blackened seat springs, a section of backbone, one foot still in a satin slipper, and ten pounds of ashes. The rest of her apartment was untouched. GIBBS: Abby, you know what? Just tell me what caused the explosion. ABBY: Ooh. A bribe. That always works. So I checked out all the electrical equipment from the hospital trying to find the source of the ignition. Nothing. Everything's in perfect working order, including this monitor which recorded the victim's vitals up until the point of blast off. GIBBS: Huh. ABBY: Somebody went a little postal with the fire extinguisher. It complicates finding trace evidence. GIBBS: The Commander was being barbecued. I doubt they were concerned with forensics. ABBY: True. GIBBS: You don't know what caused the explosion? ABBY: Other than S-H-C? GIBBS: All right. Get with Ducky. Maybe together you can solve it. ABBY: Roger that. When he's finished slicing and dicing, we'll go bang heads. GIBBS: Don't cause any sparks. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: (INTO PHONE) No, that's more than enough for now. Thanks for your time, Doctor. TONY: I was thinking of becoming a doctor. KATE: You? A doctor? TONY: Anthony DiNozzo, comma, M.D. KATE: Let me guess. A gynecologist? TONY: Ooh. No, I was thinking more dermatologist. Normal hours. Big bucks. Never an emergency. I mean, nobody ever died from a zit. MCGEE: I had a terrible case of acne as a kid. TONY: Of course you did, Probie. MCGEE: Boss, plant engineer says that oxygen is supplied to the rooms through a central system. They did a complete check and everything was in order. TONY: Day shift concurred with night shift. The Commander was a pain in the ass. KATE: Divorced, ten years ago. No kids. Wife's happily remarried living in Santa Fe. Um... parents are retired. One sister. And they're being notified by CACO. DiNozzo!(SFX: CELL PHONE CHIMES B.G.) TONY: Harrison? KATE: (V.O.) Hi. TONY: It's Harrison. KATE: (INTO PHONE) Um... I'm glad you called. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - NIGHT DUCKY: I never cease to be amazed by your skill, Abby. You know, when I was a young M.E., we used to recreate crime scenes using interns. ABBY: You also used to listen to records and do the jitterbug. DUCKY: Actually, I was quite the hoofer.(DUCKY DANCES/ HUMS) GIBBS: Let's see it, Abs. ABBY: Based on the condition of the body, the burn patterns, and the debris scatter, we were able to recreate the explosion. TONY: Doesn't tell us much. ABBY: Watch when I rotate it one eighty and play it in slo-mo. That's the point of ignition. KATE: What caused the explosion? ABBY: Well, this was taken from that area of the mattress. DUCKY: I also provided Abby with epidermal scrapings from the victim's upper left torso. ABBY: And the spectrometer found minute traces of antimony sulfide and potassium chlorate on both. MCGEE: Matches. ABBY: Light my fire, McGee! GIBBS: Someone struck a match and ignited the oxygen. TONY: Well, according to the corpsman, the Commander was asleep. ABBY: This was no accident, Gibbs. Barbeque Boy - he was murdered. (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. NCIS BUILDING - DAY GIBBS: Get back to Bethesda. Review their security... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY GIBBS: ... tapes. Find out how someone got into that hospital room and then managed to get out without being seen. MCGEE: On it, boss. GIBBS: Start a timeline. Twenty four hours before the explosion. I want to know every doctor, nurse, orderly, and visitor that went into that hospital room. You two are going to Norfolk. Dornan had spent the last nine months on the Kennedy. TONY: I'll get the car. KATE: What are you so jazzed about? GIBBS: He knows that the first person you'll be talking to is the NCIS Agent Afloat, Special Agent Paula Cassidy. KATE: (CHUCKLES) Oh, you're kidding. TONY: She was reassigned there. MCGEE: What am I missing? KATE: Paula Cassidy is a rather attractive agent that DiNozzo drooled all over last year when we were at Gitmo. TONY: Enough talk, Agent Todd. Let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. PASSAGEWAY - DAY TONY: Okay, zero two dash thirty two dash eight dash Q-B this way. KATE: The last time we were on a carrier, you were the one that got lost. Not me. TONY: I wasn't lost. I was momentarily disoriented. KATE: Oh, like you were with Paula at Gitmo. TONY: I'm not the type to kiss and tell, Kate. KATE: It's not like you to be discreet, Tony. She's something special, isn't she? TONY: Is he something special? KATE: Who? TONY: Mister Short Night Harrison. Six is two down this way. KATE: Nope, it's this way. Trust me. I'm right. (VOICE OVER P.A. B.G.) (KATE AND TONY CONTINUE WALKING) TONY: We have to check-in with the X.O. Why don't you take care of that? KATE: Why don't you? TONY: Because I outrank you. That'd be six up and three to the left. KATE: She is something special. (KNOCK ON DOOR) CASSIDY: (V.O.) Enter! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CASSIDY'S OFFICE - DAY CASSIDY: I was expecting Gibbs. TONY: Disappointed? Hi! You've been back a week. You didn't call. CASSIDY: I've been gone months. I didn't get any e-mails. TONY: Well, I figured you'd be too busy to reply. You were at sea with five thousand men. CASSIDY: I had trouble choosing. TONY: I guess I'm a hard act to follow. CASSIDY: Actually, I was afraid of making the same mistake. TONY: Ooh! Wow! Full contact. There. Nice. Let's start over. I'll go back outside and do this again. (DOOR OPENS) CASSIDY: It won't change anything. (DOOR CLOSES) CASSIDY: Commander Dornan really blew up? TONY: Literally. CASSIDY: There was no accident? TONY: It doesn't look that way. Was he having trouble with anyone aboard the ship? CASSIDY: Safety officers are generally disliked. They have the authority to stick their nose in anyone's department. No one can say a word. TONY: That sounds like Gibbs. So Commander Dornan made enemies. CASSIDY: He made an art of it. TONY: Definitely sounds like Gibbs. CASSIDY: So I've just been pulling files of all the people he put... TONY: Mmm... CASSIDY: ...Put on report. Could be the record for a cruise. TONY: Mm-hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY GIBBS: How the hell did pure oxygen accumulate in the chest cavity? DUCKY: I do not know, Jethro. I mean, lungs I can understand. The Commander was receiving oxygen through a nasal canula, but the fire originated outside the lungs in the cavity. (SFX: DRAWER SLIDES SHUT) DUCKY: Doctor Byers, you're early! BYERS: No traffic. Copies of Commander Dornan's medical records. DUCKY: Oh, thank you. We were finished, weren't we, Jethro? GIBBS: (BEAT) We were, Ducky. BYERS: Ducky? DUCKY: Yes, it's something I was tagged with in school in my youth. I used to resent it. Now I quite like it. BYERS: So do I. (BEAT) Well, have you finished the autopsy? DUCKY: Yes. Oh! Yes, there was one question I wanted to ask you. Why did you choose to perform a valve repair as opposed to a valve replacement? BYERS: It was a close call, but Commander Dornan was insistent. If we replaced the valve, he wouldn't be able to go back on active duty. DUCKY: Yes, true. BYERS: But the team felt that the valve was repairable and it was. Ironic though, isn't it? We saved his life only to have him die in a freak accident. DUCKY: Oh, I'm afraid it wasn't an accident. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD HEADQUARTERS - DAY MCGEE: I reviewed the hospital surveillance tapes with security. Between the end of visiting hours and the fire, all but five people can be identified as hospital personnel. I downloaded them onto my laptop. GIBBS: Are you eliminating the hospital personnel, McGee? MCGEE: No, boss. No, definitely not. I'm going to check them all out. In the meantime, I'm going to run the five images through the face-recognition system. Just give me one second and I will have them up on the plasma. GIBBS: Agent Cassidy. CASSIDY: Special Agent Gibbs. TONY: Agent Cassidy pulled files on everyone Commander Dornan put on report. CASSIDY: Not a people friendly guy. GIBBS: Yeah, we'll have to get into all that. Are you ready? MCGEE: Yeah. My first pass at facial recognition will be against the data base of military personnel and government employees. CASSIDY: I can save you the trouble. That's Ensign Evan Hayes. He's in the engineering department on the Kennedy. Commander Dornan rode his ass. GIBBS: More than other young officers? CASSIDY: Yeah. He did not like him. I'm not sure why, but it got so bad that Ensign Hayes verbally threatened him. GIBBS: DiNozzo, get me the Report of Investigation. CASSIDY: There isn't one. Commander Dornan asked that I not write one up, that he would handle it himself. GIBBS: NCIS Special Agents do not look the other way because they're asked to, Agent Cassidy. CASSIDY: That wasn't what happened. GIBBS: Yeah? What happened then? CASSIDY: I felt sorry for the kid. He didn't deserve the abuse. Some people can handle it and he couldn't. And I didn't think it should show up on his record. GIBBS: Get Ensign Hayes in here, Agent Cassidy. DiNozzo, you go with her to make sure. KATE: Is that Dornan's surgeon with Ducky? GIBBS: Ducky's older, Kate. He's not dead. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. PASSAGEWAY - DAY VOLAT: Ensign Hayes went U-A, Agent Cassidy. TONY: Isn't most of the ship on leave? VOLAT: Not Ensign Hayes. Commander Dornan put him on port watch. He was restricted to the ship. Two days ago he walked off. This is his quarters. We put out calls. Can't find him. CASSIDY: Thank you, Chief Volat. We're going to take another look around. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. QUARTERS - DAY VOLAT: The scuttlebutt's that Commander Dornan was murdered. Ensign Hayes did it? CASSIDY: You've been in the Navy long enough to know not to listen to scuttlebutt. VOLAT: Yes, Ma'am. But I wouldn't blame him. Dornan rode him from the minute he came aboard. TONY: Why do I get the feeling you know why, Chief? VOLAT: Commander Dornan and I both served under Ensign Hayes' father, Captain Hayes. Dornan was a Lieutenant then who needed to be put in his place. Boy, did the old man do it. This cruise was payback time. TONY: All right, I've got to go topside to make a phone call. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - DAY ABBY: The E-K-G and the I-VAC recycle at timed intervals. I was able to salvage the last seven minutes of Dornan's vitals. I thought you could use them. DUCKY: Thank you. ABBY: Are you making a statement with this tie, Ducky? DUCKY: Oh, too much you think? ABBY: Oh, no no no. You can pull it off. So what's the big event? Dinner date? DUCKY: Too ordinary. ABBY: What then? DUCKY: I thought I'd show her something that reveals who I am. If she gets turned on, too, we haven't wasted our time. ABBY: You're the man, Ducky. Why can't I find someone like you? DUCKY: Well, if this doesn't work out, I am available. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. POOL AREA - DAY (SFX: STARTER PISTOL) (SFX: SWIMMING) MORGAN: I'll be right back. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. AQUATIC CENTER - DAY (DOOR OPENS) MORGAN: Evan! What are you still doing here? You promised me you'd go back to your ship. HAYES: I can't, Coach. MORGAN: Now come on. A two day absence can't be that serious. HAYES: It's more than that. MORGAN: What? Did you call your father? HAYES: No. MORGAN: He could help you. HAYES: Commander Dornan put me through hell because of him. MORGAN: You can't blame everything on your father. You've got to take responsibility for yourself. You're throwing away your career. HAYES: I... I never wanted to be in the Navy. MORGAN: But you are. Promise me you'll go back to your ship, all right? Set things straight. SWIMMER: Hey coach! We're ready. MORGAN: All right. All right. I'll be right there. Hey, you're going back. HAYES: Hey coach, thanks. MORGAN: Keep me posted, huh? (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY MCGEE: Ensign Hayes was recorded on the hospital security tape at zero two zero three and the explosion that killed Commander Dornan wasn't until zero three seventeen. Where was he between those times? GIBBS: Find him and you can ask him. Any hits on his cell phone or credit card? MCGEE: Nothing. KATE: Kate, what'd you learn? MCGEE: Dornan punished Hayes with port watch. He was one of the few left on board. Most of the others have scattered. GIBBS: They were away for nine months. KATE: Well, the few I could track down haven't heard from him. Ensign Hayes was your typical Navy brat. His family moved around a lot when he was young. He went to high school in Alexandria when his father was assigned to the Pentagon. GIBBS: Talk to the parents? KATE: The mother. When Captain Hayes retired they moved to Scottsdale. She seemed a little concerned because she hasn't heard from her son since the Kennedy made port. GIBBS: E-mail his photo to the locals. TONY: It's done, Boss. D.C., Virginia, Delaware, and Maryland. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. PASSAGEWAY - DAY TONY: Do you need to get anything from your sleeping quarters? CASSIDY: What you're thinking is against regs. TONY: Great. You can handcuff me. CASSIDY: It's not going to happen, DiNozzo. TONY: (OVERLAP) Why not? CASSIDY: We're both game players. TONY: Too much alike, huh? CASSIDY: We would drive each other crazy. TONY: Crazy's good. CASSIDY: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - NIGHT MCGEE: Hey, what are you working on? ABBY: Stomach contents. Gastric juices and glandular secretions. MCGEE: Appetizing. ABBY: This is whacked! MCGEE: What... is whacked? ABBY: Something is missing that should be here. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - NIGHT JIMMY: I'm going to have to lock you up for the night, Commander. (SFX: DRAWER SLIDES SHUT) ABBY: (V.O.) No, don't leave me in the dark! JIMMY: Abby, you made me almost --! ABBY: Made you almost what, Jimmy? JIMMY: You know what! ABBY: Where's Ducky? JIMMY: He left early. ABBY: Can you get him on his cell? JIMMY: Is something wrong? I guess he doesn't want to be disturbed.(SFX: PHONE RINGS B.G.) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BASEMENT - NIGHT (SFX: GATE SLIDES OPEN) BYERS: When you asked me out, I didn't expect to be touring the basement of the Smithsonian. DUCKY: Well this is where they prepare the exhibits. Can't you just feel the history, Janice? BYERS: Where do we start? DUCKY: This is my favorite. These were used by Army surgeons Joseph Woodward and Edward Kurtis at the post mortem of Abraham Lincoln and performed in a guest bedroom at the White House. The Lincoln bedroom, hence the popular misconception. Lincoln never slept there. BYERS: How do you have access to this? DUCKY: I consulted on Lincoln's autopsy. That is the ball, fired by Booth, that killed Lincoln. These bits of bone are skull fragments. BYERS: You're an unusual man, Ducky. DUCKY: Would you care for a bite to eat? BYERS: We just got here. DUCKY: Yeah. (DUCKY UNCOVERS THE TABLE) BYERS: Oh, wow! DUCKY: How does a woman like you end up in the Navy? BYERS: My father's a retired Chief Petty Officer. DUCKY: You ever contemplate private practice? BYERS: Actually, my obligation to the Navy is up. I'm leaving next month to accept an offer from Columbia Pres. DUCKY: New York. Now that is exciting. (SFX: CRYSTAL RINGS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT (SFX: PHONE RINGS) MCGEE: Thanks. (INTO PHONE) NCIS Special Agent McGee speaking. GIBBS: Thanks. MCGEE: (V.O.) Really? When did this happen? GIBBS: What? KATE: Why are you being so tough on Agent Cassidy? GIBBS: I haven't done anything to her yet. KATE: You made her spend the day, alone, with DiNozzo. GIBBS: She survived. They're on their way back. MCGEE: Wait boss, one second. (INTO PHONE) Okay, got it. Thank you, Ma'am. (TO GIBBS) Ensign Hayes just made a charge on his credit card. A hotel on Brannick Road.... GIBBS: (OVERLAP) Contact DiNozzo and Cassidy. Have them meet us there. You man the phones. Kate, come on. Let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT GIBBS: Gibbs, NCIS. SPENCER: May I see that please? (BEAT) Okay. What can I do for you, Agent Gibbs? GIBBS: You just checked in an Evan Hayes. What room is he in? SPENCER: That would be illegal to release that information. KATE: We're investigating a crime and we need to speak with him. SPENCER: Then I suggest you get a warrant. GIBBS: Hayes is in the United States Navy. As you just saw, I'm a Special Agent in the Naval Criminal Investigative Service. I don't need a civilian warrant. SPENCER: You're absolutely correct there, Sir. You need the military equivalent, a D-D-Five-Five-Three. GIBBS: Are you a law student? SPENCER: Second year Georgetown. GIBBS: I'm going to give you a lesson tonight in practical law. I'm going to ask for Hayes' room key. Politely. And you're going to hand it over. SPENCER: Key? Hotels haven't used keys in years. KATE: If he has to wake up a judge, nobody is going to be happy. SPENCER: Okay. But announce yourself first. That's in compliance with the recent Supreme Court Decision. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR - NIGHT GIBBS: All right, Tony you're with me. Kate seal off the hallway. Paula you've got the service elevator. All right, we announce and then we go in. Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT (SFX: MUSIC PLAYS B.G.) (DOOR OPENS) GIBBS: (SHOUTS) NCIS! Put your hands up! Put your hands in the air! Up! Up! Up! Get them up! Party's over. Get up! Where is Ensign Hayes? Put your hands down. One of you checked in as Evan Hayes. DiNozzo, search them and find the credit card. TONY: Let's see some I.D. TIFFANY: Just give it to them, Jonathan. TONY: Thank you, Jonathan. GIBBS: Where'd you get this? JONATHAN: A guy gave it to me. GIBBS: You're going to have to do better than that, Jonathan. JONATHAN: Look, I swear, it's the truth! We were hanging out after swim practice and this strange guy just walked in. TIFFANY: Really spaced. JONATHAN: He...he just handed me the card and said that we should have a good time with it, that he didn't need it anymore. TIFFANY: It's true, Mister. He was trying to get rid of us. JONATHAN: He said he wanted to use the pool. TONY: And you didn't think that was a little weird? JONATHAN: Well, yeah, but I mean he said we could party with his credit card. GIBBS: Where's the pool? JONATHAN: Alexandria Central High. GIBBS: Agent Cassidy, you and DiNozzo babysit these people until their parents get here. And collect their car keys. JONATHAN: Ah, come on, man. TONY: Nobody likes a whiner, Jonathan. Nice shirt. (TO CASSIDY) See? I knew we'd end up in a hotel room tonight. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. POOL BUILDING - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ GIBBS/ KATE AND MCGEE MOVE SLOWLY THROUGH THE BUILDING) GIBBS: Special Agent Gibbs, NCIS! Get down on your stomach. Spread your arms and legs. Quickly. HAYES: I'm done taking orders! GIBBS: Do it now, Ensign Hayes! No, son. You don't want to do that. HAYES: Then put the weapon down! GIBBS: No, I can't. I've got to cover my partner, isn't that right, Kate? KATE: Right. HAYES: A woman.... I would never hurt a woman. GIBBS: Okay. I'm holstering my weapon, okay? All right, your turn. HAYES: I've been trying to pull this trigger all night, but I can't because I'm a coward. GIBBS: You're not a coward. You just don't want to die. HAYES: I can't spend the rest of my life taking his orders! GIBBS: Commander Dornan pushed a lot of people's buttons, not just yours. HAYES: Commander Dornan? He's not my problem anymore. This is the only place I ever felt safe. It's the only place I was ever happy. GIBBS: All right, let's talk about it. HAYES: It's too late to talk. GIBBS: Don't do it. (SFX: GUNSHOT) (CUT TO BLACK) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - NIGHT MORGAN: That's Evan. He was troubled, but I had no idea he was suicidal! GIBBS: He was suspected of murder. MORGAN: Murder?! Evan! No way! KATE: We think he killed a superior officer at the Bethesda Naval Hospital Tuesday. MORGAN: Tuesday? When? KATE: A little after zero three hundred. MORGAN: Three a.m.? No, that's impossible. He was with me. He called. He woke me and my wife up. He wasn't making any sense. I told him I'd come get him. I picked him up in front of the hospital around two. KATE: You must have the wrong time. MORGAN: No, I'm certain. KATE: Well that's not possible. GIBBS: Agent Todd, I'll meet you up in the squad room. KATE: (OVERLAP) No, Gibbs! That would mean...! (KATE WALKS O.S.) (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) GIBBS: How long were you with him? MORGAN: We stayed up talking all night. GIBBS: About what? MORGAN: Mostly his father. They had a lot of problems. GIBBS: Ensign Hayes tell you why he was at the hospital? MORGAN: He said he wanted to confront someone who was giving him a hard time, but he lost his nerve. (MORGAN CRIES) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Ensign Hayes has an alibi? KATE: What's going to happen? GIBBS: Nothing. You did everything by the book. KATE: I killed an innocent man, Gibbs! GIBBS: It was suicide by cop, Kate. Get over it. We focused on the wrong guy. MCGEE: No one went in or out of Commander Dornan's room between the time the corpsman checked up on him and the explosion. GIBBS: What about the corpsman? MCGEE: I checked his record against the Commander's. Their paths never crossed until the Commander came in for surgery. GIBBS: There were four others on the security video you couldn't identify. MCGEE: Right. I've cleared three of them. One is still unknown... and I'm on it. GIBBS: Go back to the ship. Go over your files again. CASSIDY: Agent Gibbs, I need to explain. GIBBS: There's nothing to explain, Agent Cassidy. You didn't file a report, now two Naval officers are dead. Would it have mattered? We'll never know. DiNozzo! Go down to the lab. Go over all the physical evidence from the hospital room again. TONY: Uh... what am I looking for? I'll figure it out. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: Good morning, Mister Palmer. Oh, is that the Ensign Agent Todd shot? JIMMY: Yes, Sir. DUCKY: Oh dear. JIMMY: Oh, Abby wanted you to see this as soon as you got in. DUCKY: Mister Palmer! I want Commander Dornan's remains back on the table. (INTO PHONE) Kate, how are you? (BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) KATE: (INTO PHONE) Well, I shot an innocent man if that gives you any ideas. (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: (INTO PHONE) I'm sorry. I need a service record. (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY (SFX: TONY KNOCKS TO THE MUSIC) (SFX: BEEP TONES) TONY: Whoa, whoa, whoa. ABBY: Stop playing with my equipment! TONY: I haven't had a woman say that to me in a long time. Sorry. ABBY: You break anything, you're dead meat. TONY: What are you working on? ABBY: Evidence analysis report, DiNozzo. TONY: I think you misspelled tetrafluoroethylene. I'm a great speller. ABBY: Don't you have somewhere else to be? TONY: Gibbs told me to go through the physical evidence. ABBY: Oh, he expects you to find something that I didn't? TONY: Just another set of eyes, Abs. ABBY: I really need to finish this. TONY: Sorry. Dornan's personal effects? ABBY: Yeah. TONY: Ooh. Well he didn't only have heart problems. This guy was blind! Did you find any trace of cigarette ash? ABBY: In an oxygen fire? I don't think so. Wait! I did find something that might be a cigarette filter. TONY: Abby, I think I know how the oxygen was ignited. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) KATE: Here are the service records you asked for, Ducky. DUCKY: Thanks. Thanks, Kate. Thanks. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSED [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY GIBBS: Abby, what do you got for me? ABBY: Not me. Cecile B. DiNozzo. TONY: Stalag Seventeen. G.I. uses a cigarette as a time fuse to blow up a Nazi train. Come on, guys. Don't try this at home, McGee. It's for grownups. GIBBS: DiNozzo(SFX: TONY SMOKES/ COUGHS) TONY: How do people do this? Okay, the cigarette becomes a time fuse. Check this. (SFX: MATCHES LIGHT) TONY: Uh-huh. In real time it takes about twelve minutes for it to reach the matches. ABBY: It's cool, huh? The killer placed it next to Dornan's side under the tented sheet, next to the open oxygen line. TONY: Then he left the room. GIBBS: Who was there twelve minutes before the fire? MCGEE: Doctor Byers. KATE: She was the one who murdered him?! DUCKY: He wasn't murdered. Commander Dornan died as a result of his surgery. Doctor Byers made it look as if he was murdered. KATE: Well who was she trying to frame? DUCKY: No one. She was covering her mistake. In nineteen ninety-five, she was the subject of a malpractice investigation on a heart valve repair almost identical to the one she performed on the Commander. ABBY: So how do you know that he was dead before the fire started? DUCKY: I compared Dornan's preview E-K-G to the last I-VAC recording. That heartbeat wasn't his. GIBBS: She still could have murdered him. DUCKY: Well, not intentionally. GIBBS: Doctor... DUCKY: You trust my gut on this one. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - DAY BYERS: Everything is fine. I'll see tomorrow.(VOICE OVER INTERCOM B.G.) PATIENT: That's great. BYERS: You're welcome. PATIENT: Thanks you, Doctor Byers. BYERS: Ducky! What a pleasant surprise. Special Agent Gibbs. DUCKY: Janice, there was no Percocet in Commander Dornan's stomach. BYERS: I'm glad it's over. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WAITING ROOM - DAY BYERS: Dornan was in pain and demanded to see me. I rushed to the hospital, did an echocardiogram and realized not replacing the valve was a mistake. It was failing. DUCKY: Why didn't you operate immediately? BYERS: When I told him he became hysterical. He went into cardiac arrest. I tried to resuscitate him, but couldn't. A second failed valve repair would end my career, and the job at Columbia Pres. I panicked. I tried to cover up. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - FLASHBACK BYERS: (V.O.) I placed the EKG sensors on my own chest. I turned off the audible alarm, cleared the record data, and reset the time/date stamp ahead fifteen minutes. I disconnected the oxygen tube from his nasal canula and inserted it into his incision so the oxygen could accumulate in his chest cavity. Then using one of his own cigarettes and a match book... I placed it on the bed. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WAITING ROOM - DAY BYERS: On my way out I stopped by the nurses' station and told them that I had sedated him and he was resting, and to check on him in a half hour. DUCKY: Janice, you didn't kill him. BYERS: But I did... by not replacing the valve in the first place. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY CASSIDY: (V.O./FILTERED) This is Paula. Leave a message. TONY: (INTO PHONE) Hey. It's me. Come on, just 'cause you're pissed at Gibbs is no reason not to return my calls. Right? So dial the number 'cause you've got it. Okay. (HANGS UP PHONE) MCGEE: Sometimes you've just got to know when to let go, Tony. TONY: You don't really expect me to take advice about women from you, do you? MCGEE: I could stay here and argue the point, but I have a date. GIBBS: So? Now what? DUCKY: I don't know. GIBBS: You can't let any woman affect you like this, Duck. Especially one you didn't know that well. DUCKY: My concerns are more immediate. I have two tickets to the opera tonight. She was going to accompany me. Jethro? GIBBS: No. DUCKY: I wonder if Kate would be interested. Do you know where she is? TONY: No. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ KATE LOOKS AT ENSIGN HAYES)

A Navy commander explodes in his hospital bed after successful surgery, leading McGee to hypothesize that it was spontaneous human combustion . However while researching the dead man's past, the team discovers that he had gained a lot of enemies recently, not least of all a young ensign , who makes himself the prime suspect with some bizarre behavior. Unfortunately they have to find a new suspect when the ensign forces Kate to shoot him and dies as a result. But while analyzing the evidence from the scene of the death, Abby and Tony discover the truth behind the commander's death, and in turn find a new suspect. In the meantime, Ducky develops a soft spot for the doctor who was treating the commander.

fd_The_Originals_02x10

fd_The_Originals_02x10_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Klaus: I assume I have the misfortune of speaking to my mother. Esther: I have come to heal our family. I will undo everything that has been done, thereby giving you a new life. Klaus: Well, I'd prefer you both to join me against our mother, but I'll happily settle for one or the other. Finn: I will not stop until every single vampire in New Orleans has ceased to exist, and I will show no mercy to anyone who dares stand with them. Hayley: My wolves... I think I figured out a way to release them from the witches. I have to marry Jackson. Rebekah: Hello, mother. I believe you're offering a deal. Esther: Your beautiful soul will live on in the body of another. Klaus: You must be feeling a little twitchy. That's what happens when you're in transition. I couldn't stop the spell. Davina: You swear she's safe? Kol: ( nods ) Perfectly. [Gasps] Rebekah: I'm Rebekah Mikaelson! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mikaelson Safe House - Arkansas ] (Hayley is doting on Hope in the living room) Hayley: (to Hope) Hi, honey! Mama's here. (She lifts Hope up and carries her into the kitchen) Ooh! (Hayley and Hope enter the kitchen where Elijah is making breakfast. Hayley and Elijah look as though they're about to kiss, but instead Elijah just kisses Hope's head) (Klaus begins to speak in voiceover as he drives to the safe house with Cami. As he speaks about each of his family members in turn, the camera cuts to them. First is Elijah, who becomes overwhelmed by flashbacks of attacking Tatia, his red door, and the restaurant staff he killed. Second is Kol, in a flashback to The Map of Moments, when he kissed Davina in front of the Dowager Fauline's mansion. Third is Finn, who dresses his wounds from when Elijah attacked him and nods to Mikael, who is at the lyc e with him. Fourth is Rebekah, whose original body is still in her coffin at the compound. Finally, when Klaus brings up himself, it cuts to Esther, who is still locked in the crypt in Lafayette Cemetery after Klaus and Rebekah turned her into a vampire. She looks weak and sick and is desperately trying to resist the blood bag on the ground in front of her) Klaus (V.O.): It has been said that all love begins and ends with she who gave us life. A thousand years ago, my mother turned us into monsters, yet still she claimed to love her children, even as she vowed to destroy us. The noble Elijah, tormented by long-buried, shameful secrets. Kol, the wiley troublemaker, out for no one but himself. Finn, the devoted acolyte, his love all too easily walked by our mother's sick hate. Fierce Rebekah, willing to risk everything on the chance that she may one day find happiness. And me, the b*st*rd child. My mother's greatest shame. Now, finally, we have defeated her, giving her the choice she never thought to give us, to live on as one of the monsters she created... (Klaus and Cami arrive at the safe house, where Klaus finishes up his story as they depart from their vehicle) Klaus: .. or suffer the slow, agonizing death she so deserves. Cami: (confused) Um, congratulations, I guess, but right now, I'm a little more worried about Finn, considering I totally stabbed him in the back. Klaus: He won't find you here. This is the safest place you could possibly be. Come on! There's someone I want you to meet. (The two walk together toward the house) I'd like to introduce you to the newest member of our family. The little troublemaker all the fuss has been about. (The door opens, and Hayley comes out on the porch with Hope in her arms) Camille, this is Hope. (Cami is absolutely stunned, and looks at Klaus and Hayley in confusion) Cami: (shocked) Oh, my God. What? You said... I thought she was... Klaus: (staring at Hope) The only way to truly protect her was to convince the world of her death. (Hayley smiles kindly, but Klaus looks awkward as he turns to Cami) I hope you understand, once it is safe for you to leave here, this secret cannot leave with you. (Cami, clearly happy at this revelation, nods in understanding and smiles at her with tears in her eyes before she walks past him to see Hope for herself. Hope grabs her finger and coos at her, and both Cami and Hayley giggle) Cami: Oh, she's perfect! (Inside the house, Klaus, Hayley, Cami, and Elijah are brainstorming their next move) Klaus: Now that we've entombed our mother, I intend to finish making the city safe for Hope. Which, to start, means dealing with the lingering problem of Finn. Cami: (sighs) Oh, once he figures out what you've done to your mother, he's gonna go off the deep end. Klaus: That's exactly why we need to keep you out of harm's way. Hayley and I will return home and take care of my wayward brother. Elijah will remain here with you. (He looks over at Elijah, who looks displeased as he peers out the window) He's been experiencing some side effects since his ordeal as our mother's captive. (He smirks) Best he stay here and convalesce. Elijah: (annoyed) A single violent outburst at a filthy road-side caf , and one never hears the end of it. Klaus: (laughs) Oh, Cami has a way with minds plagued by demons, brother. You two can bond! (Cami looks over at Elijah awkwardly, while Elijah simply looks uncomfortable) Well, if you excuse me, I best be on my way! Rebekah should have already woken up in the body of Angelica Barker. Once she has cut the ties of Miss Barker's former life, she'll make her way directly here. (He smiles) You should expect her shortly. (He leaves for New Orleans, leaving Elijah and Cami alone in the safe house with Hope) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Dowager Fauline Mansion / Witch Asylum ] (Rebekah, who is in her new vessel, has had her wrists and ankles bound to a bed in restraints while a nurse tries to shove several pills into her mouth) Rebekah: (spits out pills) You have no bloody idea who you're dealing with! Nurse: Let me guess... The easter bunny? (He grabs another cup of pills and forces Rebekah to take them. When she finally stops resisting and relaxes to the point of nearly being asleep, the nurse undoes her restraints and leaves the room. Once out in the hall, various patients are seen walking around with other nurses and orderlies) [SCENE_BREAK] [ The Lycee ] (Finn is using a hammer to break what looks like a human skull into pieces so he can crush the bones into powder for a spell. As he works, he talks to Mikael, who is standing and watching nearby) Finn: (bitter) She tried to show them mercy. If they've harmed her... Mikael: (interrupting) Esther's mistake was believing there was anything left in your siblings to save. (Finn anxiously grinds his ingredients in a mortar as Mikael walks closer to him and affectionately squeezes his shoulder) Together, my son, we can finally destroy them. Finn: (smiles weakly and whispers) Yeah. I'm happy to hear you say this, Father. Such a powerful man. I could use your strength. (Mikael smirks as the scene cuts away quickly) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mikaelson Compound ] (Hayley and Jackson have met up on a balcony at the compound Quarter to discuss their plans for the Unification Ceremony. Jackson has his journal of werewolf traditions that he learned from Ansel while he was alive) Hayley: Hey! Thanks for meeting me here. Jackson: (smiles awkwardly) Heh, I ask you to marry me, you take off for three days! Good thing I'm a secure guy... sort of. Hayley: (smiles awkwardly back) So, you ready to do this thing? Get hitched? Take the plunge? Slap on the old ball-and-chain? Jackson: (laughs) Whoa, whoa, whoa! It's not that simple. It's a mystical Unification Ceremony. It's not like we can just go to Vegas! Hayley: ...Right. (She moves to sit in a chair on the balcony, and Jackson sits down in the chair opposite her) Jackson: Look... as long as the werewolves need those rings, they'll be under the witches' control. (He holds up his journal) Now, if we wanna change that, we gotta do this by the book. Literally. (He opens the journal to list off what they need to do in order to perform the ceremony) We have to find a shaman who can perform the ceremony, trials to endure, devotion rituals... Hayley: (overwhelmed) Devotion rituals? Jackson: (laughs nervously) Try not to sound too excited. Hayley: I'm sorry. This just all sounds very, um... Jackson: ...Intimate? (Hayley chuckles) Yeah... that's a marriage. (She smiles at him) Look, I know we're kinda diving into this thing, but... I think it's cool. (He smiles at her) I'm looking forward to the "getting to know you" part. Because I want to know you. (Hayley looks overwhelmed and slightly guilty as Jackson looks at her expectantly. When she hears a door open downstairs, she sighs) Hayley: They're here! Jackson: (confused) Who? Hayley: (raises her eyebrows and leads him downstairs) Come see! (They head to the courtyard, where a large group of werewolves are congregating, including Aiden) Jackson: What's Jared doing here? Hayley: Aiden rounded up the most influential wolves so they can talk. Jackson: ...About what? Hayley: (gestures to the front door) About them. (A group of vampires, including Gia and Josh, file into the courtyard, led by Marcel. Marcel looks up at Hayley and nods to her in greeting. Jackson looks tense as he watches the two groups approach each other. Marcel stops in front of Jared and holds his arm out to stay his vampires) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Fauline Mansion / Witch Asylum ] (Rebekah opens her eyes in her bed and spits out the pills the nurse force-fed her from earlier) Rebekah: Amateurs. (She hears footsteps approaching her and shoves the pills under her pillow. It's Cassie, the Harvest girl, who stops in the doorway) Cassie: You're the sister. Rebekah. Rebekah: (stands up and approaches Cassie) I said as much the other night. Screamed it, in fact. No one believed me. But you do... (She becomes suspicious) Why? Cassie: I know a little something about Mikaelsons jumping into other people's bodies. Mostly because your mother did it to me. (Rebekah takes her hands and pulls her into the room so she can shut the door behind them before turning back to Cassie) Rebekah: (smiles) So you must be that Harvest girl. Cassie, is it? (Cassie nods) I'm in a bit of a bind here, so tell me how exactly does one go about breaking out of this joint? Cassie: (sadly) You can't break out. Once you're in, there's no leaving this place. Rebekah: (scoffs) That's ridiculous! Surely someone's gotten out? Cassie: Sure. But not alive. (Rebekah's smile falls in fear) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mikaelson Compound ] (Kaleb/Kol is unpacking in his new room in the compound when he finds a photo of Rebekah from the 1910s on the dresser. He picks it up and chuckles as he looks at it. After a moment, Klaus approaches the doorway) Klaus: Settling into your new accommodations? Kol: Well, I would have preferred my old room. Seeing as it's filled with a dusty nursery and a hybrid, I thought it best not to complain. Klaus: (pulls out a bottle of absinthe) I brought you something in honor of your return to the fold. I believe it's your favorite, or, at least, it used to be. (He presents the bottle to Kol) La Fille Vert! Kol: (takes the bottle from him and looks at it) Ding dong... the witch is dead! Or undead. (Klaus laughs) Whichever. Cheers! (Suddenly, the bottle shatters in Kol's hand, and its contents spill all over the floor. Klaus and Kol, both alarmed, look over to find Vincent/Finn has appeared) Finn: (furious) Where is she? Klaus: (annoyed) Finn! Please, join us. (Kol shakes the liquor off of his hands and stands next to Klaus) My, my, you look peaky. (He turns to Kol) Doesn't he look peaky? Kol: He does look peaky. Klaus: You feeling alright? Finn: (not amused) Don't make me ask again. Klaus: Well, I assume you're referring to our mother. Fear not, she's tucked away somewhere perfectly safe. You'll never find her. Finn: You think you've won. (He spreads his arms wide) Let's see how long that arrogance lasts, brother. (Kol looks alarmed as Finn gives them one last glare and leaves. Klaus watches him go, looking slightly concerned) (Down in the courtyard, the werewolves and the vampires are still trying to form an alliance) Hayley: You wolves are here because you want freedom. And, I promise you, if you stay, you will be free. But.. (She looks backward at Marcel and the vampires) We need as much help as we can get. Marcel: My vamps and I are willing to stand with you against the witches. In return, all I want is a promise that there will be peace between our sides after the wedding. Jared: You're the one who spent the last one hundred years killing and cursing us! Marcel: Which means you might wanna listen to what I have to say. (Suddenly, Finn joins them and interrupts their negotiations) Finn: I see you're brokering a truce between mongrels and parasites! (Hayley, Marcel, and the rest of their respective communities glare at him angrily) And just how long do you think that's really going to last? A month? A week? A day? What you don't yet seem to understand is that the only thing that can exist between your two degenerate species is hatred, war, and death. (Finn slowly backs away as he talks, until he is technically outside of the compound. Then, he rubs his fingers together and blows on them as he casts a spell. When he slams his hand against the doorway of the entrance, the entire building shakes, startling its current occupants as the spell takes hold. He smiles at the alarmed looks on everyone's faces, which causes Gia to vamp-speed toward him to attack him. However, she slams into a barrier which burns her hands, as though she was outside without a daylight ring. Marcel lunges toward her to see what happened) Finn: But, I imagine, given a little time confined together, you'll come to see things the way I do. (Hayley sighs anxiously and glances around the room at the rest of the group, who are both furious and worried about what is to come as Finn leaves) (Upstairs, Klaus is in his bedroom, where he tests the spell against the balcony. His hand burns as well, and after a moment, he yanks his hand away from the barrier. Kol joins him, looking frantic) Kol: Did he really just trap us all in here? Klaus: He certainly did. Which means we have a witch problem. You're a witch. Fix it. (Klaus storms out of his room, but Kol stops him) Kol: And what the bloody hell do you want me to do about it? Klaus: Well, considering the crowd, I think you'll be more motivated to find a solution. After all, I can easily out-wait our brother's antics. You, on the other hand, might find yourself looking rather appetizing to some of our fellow prisoners. Kol: (looks panicked and reconsiders) I'm gonna need some help. Klaus: (smiles fakely) Mmm. (Downstairs, Marcel and Gia have stepped into the dining room in order to talk privately) Marcel: Josh and Aiden are gonna check doors, windows, and any other entrance. Maybe he missed something. (He starts unpacking one of several boxes that are stacked in a corner) Gia: (stands with her hands on her hips) Can you get them to manage this guy Jared's attitude? Marcel: (gives her a look) Gia, I want you to do two things for me. Gia: (crosses her arms) Yeah. Marcel: First, knock it off with the tough girl routine. Gia: (interrupts him) I'm... Marcel: (cuts her off) I'm serious! Don't underestimate those wolves, alright? You're new, but they have a long list of reasons to hate us. Gia: (sighs) Sorry. You're right. What's the second? Marcel: (smiles) I want you to help watch our guys. Alright? Make sure nobody starts looking for trouble. (Gia nods and turns to return to the courtyard. As she leaves, Hayley slips into the room to talk to Marcel while he continues to unpack the boxes) Hayley: So, you got any brilliant ideas on how to keep this under control? Marcel: (smiles) What people in New Orleans have always done when trapped in close quarters with mortal enemies. (Hayley looks at him, confused, and he pulls a bottle of bourbon out of the box) Drink, and hopefully blow off a little steam. (He throws the bottle toward Hayley, who easily catches it. She unscrews the cap and takes a large gulp straight from the bottle before holding up the bottle in Marcel's direction as though to toast to him before turning and leaving) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mikaelson Safe House - Arkansas ] (Elijah is leaving Rebekah one of what appears to be many voicemails in the doorway between the kitchen and living room) Elijah: (on the phone) Rebekah, it's me again. Please call. (He hangs up the phone, looking worried. Cami is looking through the cabinets in the kitchen when she finds a bottle of bourbon and takes it off the shelf) Cami: Yahtzee! Ah-ha-ha! If there's one thing I've learned about you people, it's that there's always a bottle of booze around. (She looks in another cabinet for glasses and looks back at Elijah) You want one? Elijah: Sounds delightful. And after that, Camille, then what? We have another, and another, perhaps another after that, another after that... Before long, I find myself opening up to you, or... (He makes air-quotes with his fingers) .. "bearing my damaged soul," as it were. (Cami, who has two tumblers and the bottle of bourbon, sits down on the couch in the living room and rolls her eyes) It's an old trick, Camille. Not a particularly clever one. Cami: Your mother really did a number on you boys, didn't she? Has it ever occurred to you that I'm less interested in fixing your problems and more interested in forgetting my own? I mean, I'm basically in a supernatural witness protection program because your psychotic brother, who, by the way, I practically had to seduce, wants me dead. So, yeah. (Elijah sits down across from her in an armchair and watches as she pulls out Trivial Pursuit and sets it on the coffee table) Booze and board games is pretty much where I'm at right now. (Elijah rolls his eyes, clearly annoyed, as Cami pulls out one of the game cards and reads it aloud) Here's a question: "What was the name of Don Quixote's horse?" Elijah: (mutters) This is absurd. Cami: (sighs and sets down the trivia card) Fine. Dumb idea. How's Hayley? You two seemed close. (She casually sips her drink, and Elijah, realizing he only has two options, sighs in defeat) Elijah: Rocinante. The horse's name is Rocinante. (He grabs the bottle of bourbon and pours himself a glass, and Cami smiles) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mikaelson Compound ] (The vampires and werewolves are mingling in the courtyard, having drinks and trying to enjoy themselves despite the fact that they're trapped together. Gia wanders around the room with a bottle of bourbon, filling up people's glasses. Above them on the balcony, Hayley is watching everyone. After a moment, Klaus joins her. She smiles weakly at him before turning her attention back to the courtyard, but Klaus looks at her curiously) Klaus: Worried about your wolves? (Hayley just looks at him blankly) Or, perhaps the source of your anxiety is a little further from home? How is Elijah, by the way? I'm sure he found your visit most curative. Hayley: (embarrassed) Ew! No. (Klaus continues to look at her, a smirk on his face, and she eventually caves) That obvious, huh? (She clears her throat awkwardly, and Klaus laughs) Klaus: Well, you both had a certain glow about you all morning. Frankly, I'm glad the two of you dropped your pretenses and, uh, shall we say... let the spirit move you? (He starts laughing even harder, and Hayley cuts him off, shoving him playfully) Hayley: (laughs with him) Okay! Okay, okay, okay, stop! Enough! This family is weird enough already. (Klaus notices her face suddenly grow serious as she watches Jackson down below, who has grabbed his own bottle of whiskey and has settled himself in a chair next to some fellow werewolves) Klaus: (speaks quietly) You're feeling guilty, aren't you? Wondering if you should tell your betrothed things he doesn't need to know. From all the poems written on the subject of unrequited love, there are so few on the pain of being the object of that affection. The truth is, Hayley, it's not love on which the strongest foundations are built. It's the decency of merciful lies. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Fauline Mansion / Witch Asylum ] (Cassie and Rebekah are wandering around the asylum, as Cassie explains the existence of this place to her. Around them are other "patients," who look disheveled and are doing various activities) Cassie: The say this place is haunted. Rebekah: How could you possibly tell? Cassie: There's lots of versions of the story, but they all start the same way with Astrid Malchance and Mary-Alice Claire, imprisoned here over a century ago by your brother. (She gestures to a nearby wall, where two portraits of each of the women are hung) Imprisoned here over a century ago... by your brother. Then, the coven started to put others here, too. Ones broken by magic. Witches like me. Rebekah: So, that's it, then? They just lock you lot up and throw away the key? (Suddenly, a nearby witch begins to shriek as one of the nurses wraps his arms around her from behind and drags her to her room) Shrieking Witch: Wait! No! Please! I didn't do it! No! No! Stop! Nooo! (Another witch, an older woman with blonde hair and two parallel scars on her cheek stares at Rebekah and Cassie from across the room) Rebekah: Who are the creeps there with the scars? Cassie: (whispers) They call themselves the Kindred. (She and Rebekah start walking through the house again) Years ago, they got obsessed with dark magic, necromancy, immortality spells. So, their coven locked them up here. Since then, they kind of put themselves in charge. Rebekah: Well, what about our magic, then? We're still witches, right? (She looks over at two women, who are playing a game that involves small tiles with letters printed on them, and smiles) All we need to do is send a little distress signal. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mikaelson Compound ] (Davina has just arrived to the compound, and she stops short of the entrance to the courtyard, knowing that she'll be trapped if she goes any farther. When she reaches out to touch the barrier, Kol rushes out and stops her before she can get burned) Kol: Careful, careful! It's nasty. (He looks at Davina and smiles) Pretty girl to the rescue, eh? (Davina grins at him) You ready? (Davina nods, and the two hold out their hands so that they're nearly touching, with only the magical barrier separating them. Once they're settled, they start to murmur an unintelligible incantation under their breath. As they chant, Marcel pushes his way through the crowd to watch them work. After a moment, Kol and Davina are both rebounded backwards) Davina: (startled) Ahhh! (Kol glances at his hands and gives Davina a look) What just happened? Klaus: (suddenly appears to check on them) I assume that means we're all free to go. Kol: (anxious) No, the spell's locking us out. Davina: Vincent must be channeling something. A dark object, maybe. (Klaus, Davina, and Kol look at each other, frustrated and concerned) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Lycee ] (Finn appears to be talking to himself as he prepares his next spell in the greenhouse. He holds an athame in his hands) Finn: You should have seen them! They were so... confident in our defeat. (He sets down the athame and moves across the room to kneel down on the floor, revealing he was actually talking to Mikael, who is unconscious and laying spread-eagled in the middle of a circle drawn in chalk and surrounded by candles. Inside the circle are more magical sigils and runes drawn in chalk, and his skin is gray and mottled as a result of the symbol carved into his forehead, which is similar to that used by Papa Tunde to channel Rebekah and the other dead vampires' power) Finn: But, I assure you, Father, they have no idea what they're up against now. (He touches his fingers against the symbol on Mikael's forehead, allowing him to channel all of Mikael's supernatural power to boost his own magical strength) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mikaelson Safe House - Arkansas ] (Cami and Elijah are still playing Trivial Pursuit, and Cami is quickly reading off card after card, frustrated that Elijah knows the correct answer to every question she asks) Cami: What three European countries begin with the letter "A?" Elijah: (bored) Albania, Austria, Andorra. Cami: (makes a frustrated face and throws the card aside) Agh! Okay, hey! Who was the only U.S. president to earn a Ph.D? Elijah: (makes himself another drink) The rather tedious Woodrow Wilson. Cami: (groans and tries to find another question in the stack of cards) "Who rode secretariat to the triple crown in 1973?" Elijah: Ron Turket. Cami: (throws up her hands in frustration) No! I refuse to believe that you just happened to know that! (In her exasperation and drunkenness, she accidentally spills Elijah's drink onto the table and his shirt sleeve and immediately apologizes) Cami: (laughs) I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Elijah. Here. (She hands him a hand towel to clean himself up, which he takes to blot the alcohol from his shirt while she starts looking through the game cards) Ohhh... Okay, who was... (The longer he tries to dry off his shirt, the more furiously he begins scrubbing at his sleeve, until Cami finally notices and becomes concerned) Elijah? Are you okay? Hey, Elijah. (She reaches out to touch his hand, but Elijah quickly grabs her by the wrist to stop her. Her eyes widen in alarm, but he gently sets her arm down) Elijah: I'm not as fragile as my brother suggests. (They look at each other for a moment until Elijah's phone rings. He answers it, thinking it's Rebekah) Elijah: (on the phone) Rebekah, where on Earth are you? (He pauses and listens to the voice on the other end) I see. No, I must have been dialing the wrong number. Forgive me. (He hangs up the phone, looking distressed) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mikaelson Compound ] (After the break, Elijah calls Klaus, who is anxiously wandering around the compound, to inform him of this newest development) Klaus: (on the phone) What do you mean, she's gone? Elijah: I just received a call from Angelica Barker, who is still very much herself. (Klaus stops at the end of the hall, where Kol is eavesdropping on his phone call from the nearby doorway) Klaus: (to Elijah) Stay where you are. I'll handle it. Kol: Everything all right? Klaus: It will be, provided you've found a solution to this little quandary of ours. Kol: Well, I might have. I'm not sure you're gonna like it, though. Klaus: I'm not sure we have a choice. Kol: There are things that we need from the lyc e, which means we need it clear of Finn. And, knowing him, there's only one thing that will distract him for long enough. Klaus: (scowls) And what's that? Kol: If you tell him where to find our mother. (Elsewhere, Hayley has led Jackson into her bedroom where they can talk privately) Jackson: Hey, what's going on? Hayley: We need to talk. Jackson: Are you okay? Hayley: Uh, no. I mean, I was just thinking that if we're going through with this marriage, I wanna do it right, and I wanna be honest with you. (Jackson looks at her nervously as Hayley takes a deep breath) The last couple of days, when I was gone? The truth is... I was with Elijah. Jackson: (confused) Okay? Hayley: (looks guilty) No, I mean... I was with Elijah. (Jackson seems shocked, and turns away from her to pace around and rub his face with his hands as he processes this revelation. Hayley, looking even more guilty, waits in silence for him to say something) Jackson: (takes a deep breath) Are you in love with him? (Hayley gulps nervously, but remains silent. Jackson looks hurt) Right. Guess I already knew that, didn't I? Hayley: It doesn't matter how I feel, Jack. This isn't about me or you. It's... Jackson: (finishes for her) It's a sacrifice? Hayley: That's not what I said. Jackson: No. Hayley, you didn't have to. (Jackson, overwhelmed, walks away without saying another word, leaving Hayley alone in her room) (Meanwhile, Josh is leading Aiden up a staircase near the courtyard, which leads them to an empty wing of the compound) Aiden: You really think there's a way out up here? Josh: Uh, nope! Not a chance. One of the vamps even tried climbing up on the roof. No dice, (Josh looks around to make sure nobody is nearby before gently shoving Aiden against a wall) .. but, I figure, as long as we're trapped here in the Witch-Bubble-Of-Doom, might as well make the most of it! Aiden: (smiles) Ah! (Josh kisses him, but Aiden pulls away after a moment) Aw, come on. Someone might come up. Josh: (confused) So? I don't really care if somebody sees me making out with my boyfriend. (Aiden looks a little stunned and chuckles) And, I totally just called you my boyfriend. Aiden: Yep! Josh: Soooo, that happened. Aiden: (sighs) Look, the wolves don't know about us yet. Josh: (surprised) Okay, Aiden, please tell me that I did not get murdered and come back from the dead just to get shoved back into the closet. Aiden: No! No, no, no, it's not that. It's just... you're a vampire. And, you know, it's great that your friends are cool with this, but it's different for the wolves. I mean, you don't know how Marcel and his vampires made us suffer. Josh: No, you're right. I don't. Because I had nothing to do with what happened back then. Aiden: Yeah, well, trust me. You were the bad guys. (Suddenly, Josh is hit by a spell of some kind and doubles over in pain. He starts panting to try to breathe through it, but his vision starts to blur) Aiden: (concerned) Josh? (Josh continues to sputter and groan, as he becomes overcome with bloodlust. He notices Aiden's carotid artery pulsing under his skin and uses all the willpower he has to keep himself from feeding on him) Aiden: (becomes more worried)...Josh? (Suddenly, the scene cuts to Finn, who is casting a spell on Josh at the lyc e. At the compound, Josh frantically shakes his head to try to snap out of it) Josh: (overwhelmed) Something's wrong. Aiden: (steps toward him) Are you OK? Josh: (shoves Aiden back to keep him from coming any closer) No! I-I can't be up here with you right now. (Josh stumbles down the stairs away from Aiden and finds Marcel and Gia, who are hanging out in the dining room. They both look worried as Josh continues to double over in pain) Marcel: Whoa, hey! Slow down! Josh: All I can think about is blood! It's like when I first turned, only a hundred times worse! (The scene cuts to Finn, who is slaughtering some kind of animal as part of a sacrificial magic spell. As he removes the entrails and uses them in the spell, Gia suddenly doubles over at the compound) Gia: (groans) Whoa! Marcel: Gia! (Finn continues the spell and causes Marcel to double over as well, overcome by hunger. Suddenly, Klaus storms into the room) Klaus: (annoyed) Your vampires seem to think it's lunch-time! (He notices all of them struggling to stay calm and becomes worried) What is it? Marcel: They're not the only ones who are hungry. It's all of us. Josh: Yeah, like super-size hungry. And there's an all-you-can-eat werewolf buffet right through those doors. (They all look into the courtyard, where more vampires are rolling around in pain while the werewolves sit and socialize, oblivious to what's happening. Gia's vampire-face starts to emerge as she stares at the wolves, and Klaus suddenly realizes that Finn is responsible for what is happening) [SCENE_BREAK] [ The Lycee / Mikaelson Compound ] (Finn has just received a call at the lyc e from Klaus, and he answers it as he walks into the greenhouse) Finn: Klaus! Willing to concede so soon? Klaus: I merely seek to negotiate. You want our mother, I want out of this bloody compound. The economics of what comes next should be easy to grasp, even for you. Finn: What I want, brother, is to exterminate the plague that is your kind. What I want is to watch the flames flicker over your smoldering corpse. (On the other end, Klaus is rolling his eyes mockingly) What I want is to hear the silence once you finally stop screaming. Klaus: (makes a static-y noise with his mouth) I'm sorry, we must have a bad connection. (Finn laughs sarcastically) Could you repeat everything you said after "What I want?" Finn: Oh, I'm so happy to hear that hunger hasn't yet sapped your humor. But, I should warn you, brother, if those vampires even attempt to feed, they'll find themselves ravenous. Unable to stop. (Klaus suddenly becomes nervous) So, every moment that you waste with me will only lead you to the inevitable carnage. Klaus: (remains silent for a moment before he speaks) Esther for our freedom. Do we have a deal? Finn: Well, I think I know better than to trust your honesty. But, yes, if I find our mother unharmed, then I might consider granting your reprieve. Klaus: (growls) Saint Roc Number 1. The Delphine tomb. (Klaus angrily hangs up and heads back downstairs to plan their next move) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Fauline Mansion / Witch Asylum ] (Rebekah and Cassie are in a room, sitting on the floor, where Rebekah has spelled out "SOS RMIKAELSON WTCHASYLM" in lettered tiles) Rebekah: All we have to do is just pop this message off to my brothers. (She holds out her arms toward Cassie) Give me your hands and lead the way, I don't know what I'm doing. Cassie: (nervous) I can't. The pills they give us are lobilia flower. It makes it impossible to concentrate. No one can do much magic here. Rebekah: (frustrated) You're a Harvest girl, for God's sake! Now, pull yourself together! (Cassie reluctantly clasps Rebekah's hands and starts to slowly speak the incantation so Rebekah can follow her lead) Cassie: Prends ce mesage s'a, les mots sur le vent. Rebekah: (joins Cassie) Prends ce mesage s'a, les mots sur le vent. (The two continue to chant the spell, as wind starts to blow through their room. Suddenly, the door opens, and the blonde, scarred member of the Kindred from earlier walks into the room and stares at them) Blonde Kindred Witch: (after a long pause) Time to eat. (Cassie and Rebekah get up off the floor and join the rest of the house for dinner. Once they've left, the message they spelled out is magically scattered across the floor) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mikaelson Mansion ] (Most of the werewolves and vampires are still congregated in the courtyard, where the vampires are huddled in a group on one side of the room. The werewolves watch the vampires curiously on the other side, noticing that they're visibly anxious and restless. Suddenly, one of the vampires accidentally runs into Jared, and the two glare at each other, forehead to forehead) Jared: Watch it! Gia: (shouts) Hey! (She lunges toward them and pulls the vampire away, while Jackson pulls Jared in the opposite direction) Jackson: Break it up! (Marcel watches from the dining room and turns toward Klaus and Kol) Marcel: Things are getting testy out there. Come on, we better move this along. Kol: Uh, Vincent's boundary is too strong. But, what Davina and I can do is cast a destruction spell. It would temporarily neutralize all magical objects in the compound, including the compound itself. If it works, well, then it will give us sixty seconds to escape whilst the boundary is shut down. Marcel: Alright, alright, that sounds good to me. Klaus: If the spell works, it will suppress all magical objects in the vicinity. That means your rings. Marcel: (groans in frustration) And if we go outside in the sun without our rings, we're dead. Klaus: Unless you wait for nightfall. Marcel: Agh. (He looks out toward the courtyard where the vampires are hanging out) They're also new. They're not going to be able to fight the hunger. We can't wait until nightfall. We're going to have a bloodbath on our hands before we even get close. (Marcel, Klaus, and Kol look at each other, at a loss for options) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mikaelson Safe House - Arkansas ] (Elijah is looking out the window of the living room, where he's in the midst of having more flashbacks about chasing Hayley/Tatia down the hallway in his dream, where he is covered in blood. He starts to hyperventilate and gasp for breath. After a moment, Cami quietly comes into the room to talk to him) Cami: Elijah? (She walks closer to him and takes a deep breath) Elijah, are you okay? Hey, I know you're worried about Rebekah... (She reaches her hand out to gently touch his shoulder, but he turns and swats her away, his vampire-face coming out as he looks at her. Cami becomes frightened and starts to back away from him while Elijah tries to control himself) Cami: Elijah? Elijah, please. Calm down. (She backs up until she hits the wall and is cornered by him) Elijah, please calm down! (She closes her eyes and ducks, sure that he's going to attack her, but when nothing happens, she opens her eyes to find that Elijah is gone. She relaxes and tries to catch her breath, relieved that she didn't get hurt) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Fauline Mansion / Witch Asylum ] (Rebekah is in her bedroom, desperately trying to open the windows so she can get out of there, but they're locked) Rebekah: (frustrated) Kol. (She hears the sound of wind behind her, and looks down at the floor to see that the lettered tiles have moved to spell "WHO ARE YOU") Rebekah: (to the floor) Rebekah bloody Mikaelson. Who the hell are you? (Rebekah waits for a response, but it never comes. When she turns around, she sees a spirit of some kind with blonde hair and a black lace dress who is clutching a silver and blue necklace in her hands. She screams, and the blonde Kindred witch and the nurse come into her room and look at her suspiciously) Rebekah: She was just here! (The nurse slowly approaches her) No, you don't understand, there was somebody in my room! There was... look. Just listen to me, OK? There's a girl! A girl in black! (Rebekah backs up and accidentally knocks her pillow on the floor, revealing the pills she had pretended to take she had hidden underneath) Nurse: She hasn't been taking her pills! Rebekah: No! (The nurse reaches over to restrain her, but Rebekah, temporarily forgetting that she's no longer a vampire, goes into auto-pilot and shoves the nurse on the bed before biting into his neck. When the blonde witch rushes toward her, she throws her into a nearby dresser, where she hits her head and falls unconscious. Rebekah catches her breath and makes a face when she realizes the nurse's blood is in her mouth) Rebekah: Ugh, that's disgusting. (Rebekah runs out of the room and into the common area, looking around frantically for the girl she just saw. Suddenly, the spirit appears in the doorway before walking up the stairs, and Rebekah quickly decides to follow her) Rebekah: Here's hoping you're a friendly ghost. (She gets ready and runs as fast as she can up the stairs) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Delphine Tomb ] (Finn breaks through the brick wall that Klaus built to entomb Esther, and finds her sitting weakly on the floor when he makes it inside. He smiles happily) Finn: Mother? I thought for sure I'd find you dead! I've come to save you! Esther: (sighs in relief) I knew you would, my sweet child. (She goes to caress his face with her hand, but her vampire face pops out, revealing that she ultimately decided to drink the blood bag instead of dying. Finn sees the empty blood bag next to her before he backs away, looking absolutely horrified. Esther looks miserable and disgusted with herself) Finn: No. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mikaelson Compound ] (Davina and Kol are setting up for their destruction spell at the entrance of the compound, passing the ingredients through the barrier as they create a circle with sand and salt place reddish-pink flower petals in the middle. Across the room, tensions are still running high between the two species, especially when Jared picks a fight with a nearby vampire) Jared: What are you looking at? (He shoves the vampire, who lunges toward him. Josh, who is at the bar, looks backward at them in concern. Gia, too, has noticed the fight and rushes over to intervene) Vampire 1: You want a piece of me? (Jared picks up a nearby table and smashes it into pieces, before he and another werewolf quickly pick up two wooden legs to use as stakes. When Jared swipes it at one of them, Aiden rises to his feet to break it up) Aiden: HEY! (When Aiden grabs Jared's shoulder to pull him away, he spins around and swipes at Aiden, which cuts a long, bloody gash into his forearm. The smell of his blood stirs up the vampires even more, and they all hungrily start to circle around him. Vampire 1 jumps on Aiden and pushes him on his back while Vampire 2 holds him down, but before either of them can feed on him, Josh rushes over and snaps one of the vampires' neck to save him before pulling the other away, who is held back by Jackson and Marcel. Aiden looks over at Josh gratefully, but then he, too, is overcome by hunger and stares at his bloody arm in a daze. His vampire face comes out, and he looks as though he's about to pounce when Klaus appears out of nowhere) Klaus: Joshua! You get away from him right now. (This seems to snap Josh out of it, as Jackson manages to incapacitate the other vampire who tried to attack Aiden) Marcel: (struggles to hold Jared back) Davina! Start the spell! (Kol and Davina quickly continue setting up, tearing up herbs and lighting candles) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Fauline Mansion / Witch Asylum ] (Rebekah continues to follow the spirit up the stairs, to an attic of some sort. The spirit passes through the locked door, but when Rebekah tries to open it, she finds that there is no doorknob, just a keyhole. She pounds on the door, but it still won't open) Rebekah: (throws herself against the door) Stu... stupid human body! (She starts to walk away, visibly disappointed, until she suddenly hears a creaking noise behind her. When she turns back, she sees the door is ajar, and quickly walks through it. Inside, the room is extremely dusty, as though no one has been in there in a long time. In the middle of the room is a wooden coffin with a clear lid, though it has become foggy with age and dust. Inside the coffin is the same girl who led her up there, who is clutching the same necklace - Dahlia's necklace, from the flashbacks in Wheel Inside The Wheel. Suddenly, Rebekah hears footsteps coming up the stairs, and when she walks outside the room to investigate, the door magically slams shut behind her. A male witch with long blond hair and two parallel scars on his right cheek glares at her silently) Rebekah: I'm sorry. I'll go willingly. (The witch grabs her by the arm and pulls her downstairs, as Rebekah looks back at the mysterious room) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Delphine Tomb ] (Finn is still distraught over Esther's transformation) Esther: Finn, please! I fought it for as long as I could. (Finn is turned away from her, and Esther rises to her feet, nearly in tears) Look at me! I am still your mother! (Finn finally looks at her, but it's clear in his face he feels betrayed) I'm sorry! I was just so hungry. Finn: You're a hypocrite. You speak of purification, of cleansing the souls of our family, and yet you caved to temptation instead up standing with your principles! (Esther closes her eyes, ashamed) It was your morality, Mother. Your conviction, that hardened me! That's why I stood by you. (He raises his voice to a shout) That's why I fought for you! I would have done anything for you. My mother. She who gave me life. Esther: (walks toward him) Yes... Finn: But, I know she would want me to finish what we started. (He grabs Esther by the throat and pins her to the wall, as he pulls out an athame and carves the sacrificial magic symbol onto her forehead to take her power as she screams) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mikaelson Compound ] (Davina and Kol are finally ready to cast the destruction spell, and have raised their hands parallel to each other to start the incantation, though they mutter it too quietly to be understood. Suddenly, a huge gust of wind comes through and blows out all of the candles around them, and Davina gasps. Davina looks at the threshold of the house and holds out her hand to check for the boundary) Kol: (tries to stop her) Davina! (She keeps going, though, and her hand touches Kol's without burning, revealing that the spell worked. Davina smiles, proud that they did it) Hayley: (steps forward) Okay, Jack, now! Jackson: Come on, go! (He rushes the werewolves out of the house, along with Hayley, while the vampires, who can't leave in the daylight, hide out in the shadows until it's safe again. Aiden looks over at Josh, who gives him a rueful look before he leaves) Kol: (shouts to the crowd) Remember, sixty seconds! (Before the time's up, Klaus grabs the fleeing Kol and throws him back into the compound, where he falls and hits the stone floor, cutting his forehead. Klaus stays outside the boundary with Davina while still blocking Kol from leaving) Klaus: Slight change of plans, brother. I no longer have to treat you as anything but the treacherous liar that you truly are. Kol: What the bloody hell? Klaus: Where is she? (Kol looks backward at the vampires, who are looking at him hungrily but cannot lunge for him while their daylight rings are neutralized) Davina: (to Klaus) Please! They'll kill him! Klaus: Well, he should have thought about that before he betrayed our sister! Rebekah never made it to her new body, did she? And, seeing as you cast the spell and, well, you're you, I'd hardly call it an uncrackable case! Kol: Rebekah's fine, Nik! (He angrily starts to walk toward him) It was a prank, nothing more than anything you lot have done to me, but I bet it's different when it's one of y... aah! (He's cut off when he crosses the boundary, which has been put back up, and burns his hand) Klaus: Oooh. Barrier's back up. (The vampires, realizing they can go back out in the sunlight, start to swarm around Kol) And those vampires look oh-so hungry. Now, I was willing to welcome you back in my home! But you had to return to your petty, selfish jealousies! Well, let's see how well they help you survive when you're stuck in there! (Klaus storms away, leaving Davina, who is scared for Kol, to watch helplessly as the vampires swarm him. Kol backs up and accidentally bumps into Marcel, who is starving and looking at him with rage in his eyes) Kol: (terrified) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Davina: (whispers) Marcel... (Marcel looks back at Davina for a moment, and after seeing her face, he reluctantly turns to Kol and shoves him backwards toward the stairs) Marcel: If I were you, I would make myself scarce. Go! (Marcel blocks the staircase so the vampires can't follow him, and Davina gives him one last look before she leaves) [SCENE_BREAK] [ The Bayou ] (Hayley is outside of Jackson's trailer in the Bayou, sitting at a picnic table, when he returns with beers for both of them) Jackson: I should have known this whole thing would go to hell the moment Klaus offered me those damn moonlight rings. Hayley: God, moonlight rings, daylight rings... if I never hear the word "ring" again, it will be all too soon. (She takes a sip of her beer as Jackson turns toward the campfire. He pulls out a small box with an engagement ring inside and takes a deep breath before he turns back toward her) Jackson: Maybe just one more. (He holds the ring out to Hayley, who is shocked and speechless) I had no right to act the way I did earlier. Okay? You were just being honest with me. And that is something I should have done with you from the very beginning. (He takes another deep breath) I love you, Hayley. I think I always have. Hayley: (overwhelmed) Jack... Jackson: No, let me say this. I... I know we're only doing this to fix all the stuff that we broke when we sold our souls for those damn rings. Okay? But, I loved you before I knew you. And every moment that I spend with you, every single thing that I learn about you just makes me love you even more. But, I promise that we will turn this around for our pack. We'll save our friends from whatever hell we've dragged them into, and that is the only thing I can ask from you. (He takes the ring out of the box and holds it in his fingers) Because I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, Hayley Marshall, and forcing you to love me isn't gonna be one of them. But, I want to marry you. (Hayley smiles, and tears fill her eyes) And I knowing everything that I know, I hope to hell that you'll marry me. (Hayley starts to cry and caresses his face with her hand as she nods in agreement. Jackson starts to laugh with joy, and he puts the engagement ring on her left ring finger) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Llafayette Cemetery ] (Klaus is on the phone with Elijah, who is standing on the porch of the safe house, while he stands in the crypt where Esther once kept him locked up) Klaus: I need you to trust me. I can handle finding Rebekah. Elijah: Brother, you are asking me to do nothing. Klaus: Elijah, right now, the most important thing is that you are there, protecting Hope. Elijah: (sighs) So be it. (Cami tries to sneak onto the porch without Elijah noticing) I shall remain here with the... hopelessly courageous Camille. She certainly has charisma, though she does lack stealth. (He smiles and turns around to see Cami standing there, listening to them) Let me call you back. (Elijah hangs up on Klaus and approaches Cami) Cami: (slightly nervous) I'm sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I just thought you left. Elijah: I owe you an apology. My sister's missing, my family's in jeopardy, I am... uh, utterly powerless to help them. This is not a state of affairs I'm accustomed to. (Cami stares at him, still slightly scared, as he steps closer to her, smiling uncomfortably) Perhaps I'm not weathering this ordeal as well as one would hope. (He stops talking, not sure what to say next, and waits a moment) Forgive me. Cami: (thinks about this, and smiles) If you ever want to talk about it... It's kind of what I do. (They smile at each other, finally at ease, and Cami leads them both back into the house) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Delphine Tomb / The Oliver Tomb / Mikaelson Compound ] (At the cemetery, Klaus has come to the crypt where he had entombed Esther, only to find the wall broken through and Esther gone. He sees the empty blood bag on the floor and sighs) (At the Oliver tomb, Finn lays down Esther's body next to Mikael in the same spelled circle on the floor as the one in the lyc e. Both of them have their foreheads carved with the sacrificial magic symbol. He stands to his feet and looks down at his dead/neutralized parents) Finn: We were a family once. I can remember the love between you. How happy you were that I was your son. And I remember the day that we lost our Freya. And how we never got that happiness back. I remember it all. You should have stopped there. Instead, you had them, the monsters you call children. And for that, you will all pay. (At the compound, Marcel, Gia, Josh and the other vampires are pacing around the house, still suffering from extreme hunger. Kol walks out onto the balcony to check on things, but when he sees the hungry vampires, he heads back to his room. Once there, he blocks the door with several pieces of furniture. As he paces around, he accidentally knocks over the photo of Rebekah from 1914 onto the floor, and stares at it guiltily) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Fauline Mansion / Witch Asylum ] (The two blonde Kindred witches carry a half-asleep Rebekah back into her room and lay her down onto her bed. The man nods at the woman, who gives Rebekah one last suspicious look before they both leave. While she sleeps, the lettered tiles on the floor shuffle themselves up. The scene cuts upstairs to the glass-topped coffin in the locked room before returning to Rebekah's room. Suddenly, the tiles on her floor go from spelling "WHO ARE YOU" to "FREYA") [ END ]

With Vincent on the loose and hell bent on revenge, Klaus brings Cami to the safe house as he and Hayley return to the compound. Hayley and Jackson devise a plan to bring the vampires and werewolves together to consider a truce, but tensions grow when Vincent places a spell on the compound, trapping the two sides together. Meanwhile, Elijah grows concerned when Rebekah fails to show up at the safe house, prompting Klaus to confront Kaleb for answers. Lastly, after accepting her mother's offer to jump into a new body, Rebekah turns to former Harvest girl Cassie for help when she finds herself trapped inside an insane asylum.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_03x13

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_03x13_0

Ted is waiting for his turn in the tattoo removal center. Ted from 2030: Kids, sometimes in life you see someone and you just instantly know this is the person for you. It can happen anywhere. Even the waiting room of a tattoo removal clinic. And that's what happened when I met..Stella. Ted is inside the doctor's office Stella: Ah, the butterfly tramp stamp. My bread and butter. So I'm guessing that the real story involves a bad breakup and some booze. Unless it's a gang tattoo, in which case, I think it's time to find a new gang. Ted: No, I just thought it would be cool to get a caterpillar tattoo, and then a few weeks went by, and all of a sudden... Stella: Well, I can get rid of it in ten one-hour sessions, but, I should warn you, laser surgery's very painful. Ted: Well, I think you'll find I have a very high tolerance for pain. Just last night, I sat through the worst movie ever made. Stella: Oh, Plan 9 From Outer Space? Ted: No, the worst movie... Manos: Hands of Fate. Stella: Uh, I'm a doctor, went to medical school. It's Plan 9. If you don't believe me, it's playing down at the Pamela Theater. Ted: Uh-huh. I don't believe you, Doctor. Stella: Well, what are you doing tonight? At the movie theater (Ted arrives there, Stella is already there and is waiting to buy a ticket) Stella: Hey, Ted. Ted: Hey. Hey, put that away. Tonight's on me. Stella: Oh, no, no, don't... Ted: Come on, I insist. Stella: That's so nice. Thank you. Hey, guys, this is my friend Ted. (3 women approaches) He wants to pay. Ted: Oh, wow. Oh, yay. Wow, thank you. One, two, three, four. (Later, the movie has begun, Stella's friends are sitting between she and Ted) Woman 1, to Ted: Is something wrong? Ted: No, it's just, um... I'm just a little embarrassed. I thought this was a date. But it's no big deal. Don't worry about it. Woman 2, to Woman 1: What's wrong? Woman 1, to Woman 2: Ted's embarrassed-- he thought this was a date. Woman 2, to Woman 3: Ted thought this was a date. Woman 3, to Stella: Stella, did you know Ted thought this was a date? Stella, to Woman 3: What? I'm not allowed to date a patient. It's an AMA rule. Woman 3, to Woman 2: She's not allowed to date patients. It's an AMA rule. Woman 2, to Woman 1: She's not allowed to date patients. It's an AMA rule. Woman 1, to Ted: She's not allowed to date... Ted: Yeah, I got it. Man: We all got it. Ted's a schmuck. [OPENING CREDITS] In Stella's office Stella: And you bought all the tickets. Ted: Yeah, yeah. Hey, you were right. Worst movie-going experience ever. Of course, it had nothing to do with the movie. Stella: I am so sorry that you thought that was a date. Ted: No, it's fine. I got to hang out with you on girls' night out. All right, so if you're not allowed to date a patient, I'll just... I'll wait until these ten session are up and then I'll ask you out then. Stella: Well, then,fair warning: I'm going to say no. Ted: Really? I'm getting mixed signals from you. I feel like you've been staring at my ass for quite some time. What, you're married? Stella: No. Ted: Boyfriend? Stella: No. Ted: Lesbian? Stella: No. Ted: Only date black guys? Stella: No. Ted: And yet you can say with absolute confidence that ten weeks from now, if I ask you out on a date, your answer will be... Stella: No. At the Bar Robin: No... Hmm. What could she mean when she says 'no'? I don't know, it is totally cryptic. Ted: This is far from over. We're talking ten weeks from now. Who knows what she'll want then? Do you know what you're going to want for lunch ten weeks from now? Marshall: Sloppy Joe, shrimp cocktail and a milk shake. Barney: Ted, do you know how long it takes a woman to decide whether or not she's going to sleep with a guy? 8.3 seconds. After that, her decision is made. She will not change her mind. Ted: That's ridiculous. Barney: Is it? Describe your first 8.3 seconds with Stella. [FLASHBACK] Ted is waiting for his appointment. Stella: Lower back butterfly tattoo... you're up. (Ted and a woman stand up at the same time) [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: So we got off to a rocky start. That may be a problem for some guys, but I get better over time. Right? I'm not some Top 40 song... easily digestible. I'm complex. I require time and multiple listens. I'm 'Stairway to Heaven'. Robin: Wow, Roger Daltrey just rolled over in his grave. That's not the right guy, is it? He's not even dead, is he? Lily: I think that's great, Ted. You can do whatever you set your mind to. In fact, you've inspired me. I'm going to stop biting my nails. Marshall: But, baby, you love biting your nails. Lily: I know, but I'm doing this for Ted. Hmm. God, this is really hard. Ted: Give me ten sessions, I'm going to turn that "no" into a "yes." Barney: Really, Ted? You think so? Well, tell me, how did the rest of that session go? [FLASHBACK] (Ted is lying on a table) Stella: This is going to hurt a little. Ted: Yeah, well, I can handle pain. This one time I was playing tennis, and... (He screams in a high-pitched ton) Stella: Yeah, but tattoo removal really hurts. Everyone probably sounds like that. (Abby, the receptionist, enters the room) Abby: Doctor, are you all right? I heard a woman screaming in here. Oh. (she starts laughing and leave) [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: Here's to nine more great sessions. Ted from 2030: Weeks went by. The second session I told her about how I spent a summer working with inner-city kids. The third session we both spoke nothing but French. The fourth session I made her laugh so hard she fell out of her chair. So by the time the fifth session came around... Stella: Still no. At the Bar Ted: Still no. What's up with that? I mean, I juggled. Barney: You juggled? I thought you were trying to impress her. Ted: You do magic. How is juggling any lamer than magic? Barney: Magic's not lame. Ted: I don't get it. I mean... Barney: Is this lame? Robin: Oh, Barney, no, no. We said no fireballs at the table. Marshall: What the hell is wrong with you? Robin: There's alcohol in here. Lily: Barney... Barney: I... Lily: We've talked about this. It's a fire code violation. Barney: Yeah, but Ted provoked me. Lily: No, no, you are on a time-out. Go sit over there. Barney: But... Lily: Go! Ted: Anyway... I don't get it. She should be into me by now. Lily: You know, you can do this, Ted. I said that I would stop biting my nails, and kablam-ey. It's just a challenge. It can't be easy to woo someone while you're sticking your naked butt in their face. Marshall: Works for baboons. It's called "presenting." Ted: I got four sessions left. Ther-There's got to be an angle I'm not seeing. Barney: You can't turn a "no" into a "yes," Ted. Can't be done. Robin: I don't know, Barney. I mean, sometimes persistence pays off. I said "yes" eventually. Barney: No, you didn't. You were like, "No, we can't, we're friends. It would mess up the dynamic of the group." Robin: To Ted. Barney: Oh, right. Ted: Wait a second. Wait a second, I got the angle. [FLASHBACK] (Ted comes out of Stella's office. Abby, the receptionist, is on the phone; she looks upset.) Abby: Sir, please don't yell at me, because when people yell at me, I have a tendency to start crying. Please don't do it. Stella: Abby, I've told you before. Abby:...Please... Stella: When they're rude to you, hang up the phone. Abby:...how difficult it is for me to... Stella: Go on, you can do this, hang up. Abby, hang it up. Abby: I am too busy to waste my time... (Abby finally hangs up) Stella: I'm sorry, I just wish that some of the patients would be nicer to you. [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: The receptionist. That's my way in. Barney: I like this. Seduce the receptionist. That's a great plan. Ted: That's not the plan. And how would that help me with Stella? Barney: Who? Ted: Here's the plan. -SESSION 6- (Ted arrives at the center and gives a paper bag to Abby, the receptionist. Ted: Hi. Here. I stopped... (He takes the bag back and wait for stella to be able to see him to give it back to Abby) Hi, I stopped for coffee and I... and I thought I'd grab you something. Abby: Oh, wow, thank you, that's so nice. You're like a knight. I should call you Sir Ted. Ted: What? Abby: Nothing. Nothing. (laughs nervously) It's really stupid. (She calls Stella, who is standing right behind her) Um, Dr. Zinman, Ted's here. Stella: Thanks. Thanks, Abby. At the Bar Ted: And now... we wait. Ted from 2030: And sure enough, by session seven, she saw me in a whole new light. -SESSION 7- Stella: Okay, I'm about to break my big rule here. Ted: Break it. Stella: Okay. Abby goes bowling with her church group every Wednesday nights...and she really wanted to invite you, but she's too shy. Ted: Abby is...? Stella: My receptionist. You really made quite an impression on her with the coffee the other day. I mean, she has really not stopped talking about you. Ted: Oh, Abby. I thought you said "Alan." Stella: But you just said, "Abby is...?" Ted: Right. Right, I thought I said "Alan." Stella: Who's Alan? Ted: Who's Abby? Stella: My receptionist. Ted: Exactly. At the Bar Ted: What is happening? Lily: Ted. You just got to be yourself, no more gimmicks. Ted: You're right, no more gimmicks. One more gimmick. [FLASHBACK] (Ted is examining Stella's office.) Ted: You know what's on her shelf? That self-help book 'The Power of Me'. [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: I know, I know, but I thought if I read it, maybe we'd have something new to talk about. Marshall: It's actually a great book. It taught me the power of complete memory. Ted: Can I borrow your copy? Marshall: I left it somewhere... I forget. -SESSION 8- (Ted arrives at the center, holding the book) Ted: Hi. Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman. Abby: Hi, Ted. I'll let her know. Ted: Telepathically? Abby, laughing: That's funny. That's funny, smart, and great. Stella: I am so sorry that I am late. I have, like, two minutes for lunch everyday. Ted: It's crazy. Yeah, I understand. I was just, uh, checking out the old bookshelf here. I see you've read 'The Power of Me'. It's funny... Stella: What? Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, I would never read that piece of crap. Some patient left it here. Ted: Oh, thank God. (chuckling) I couldn't agree more. That's total crap. I see people reading that on the subway and I just want to shout, "Get a life, people!" (Abby enters the office) Abby: Ted, I found your book. Ted: What? Abby: Your book 'The Power of Me'. I think you accidentally dropped it in the garbage. Ted: What? No, that's... that's not mine. I've never seen that before in my life. Abby: No, you were reading it in the lobby. Ted: Wha... no, you have me confused with someone else. Abby: No, no, look right here. "From the personal library of Ted Mosby." That's you. At the Bar Robin: Ted, I hate to say this, but I think it's "nail the receptionist" time. Ted: I'm not gonna nail the receptionist. Barney: Ted, every little boy wants to grow up to nail the doctor or the lawyer. Somebody's gotta nail the receptionist. Ted: No. I like Stella. Barney: Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, Ted. Your little Stella is not so perfect. Ted: What do you mean? Barney: I went down there and checked her out for myself. Yeah. And while I was down there, I discovered that she had a secret, a terrible... terrible secret. Ted: What? What is it? Barney: Hold on, I gotta pee. (He stands up et goes to the toilets) Okay, I'm back. What's going on at work? Ted: What's the big secret?! Barney: Oh. Oh, right. [FLASHBACK] (Barney is at the Bar and gives a phone call) Barney: Hi, I'd like to see Dr. Zinman, please. Abby: Sure, what's it regarding? Barney: Oh, I just want to see her. Want to look at her, see what she looks like. Abby: I-I don't understand. Barney: I'm sorry, did I accidentally oprima numero dos when I called? Do you speak English? I want to see her! Abby: Sir, please don't yell at me because when people yell at me, I have a tendency to start crying. Barney: What are your credentials?! Abby: Please don't do that. Please. Barney: I want to know who am I speaking with! [SCENE_BREAK] (Stella and Ted are coming out of Stella's office) Barney: At first she seemed great, beautiful, smart, way out of your league. But then, I overheard this conversation. Stella: Oh, Abby, did my hypnotherapist call yet? Abby: No. Stella: When am I going to kick this folliculaphilia? [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: Folliculaphilia? Barney: Folliculaphilia. Ted: What is that? Barney: Ted, your perfect woman can only be attracted to men with moustaches. Ted: That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. That's not real. Barney: You're right, Ted. I'm just making that up. Ted: I know that you are because there's no such thing. Robin: I got it a little bit. -SESSION 9- (Ted arrives at the center, he is now growing a moustache) Ted: Hi. Uh, Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman. Abby: Oh, hi, Ted. Love the 'stache. You look like a young Tom Selleck, only a million times handsomer. Dr. Zinman, Magnum's here to see you. Just kidding. Stupid. Stella: Sorry I'm late. Typical two-minute lunch. So we are very close to getting... (Stella burst into laughs when she sees Ted's moustache) At the Bar Ted: Why? Just why? Barney: Y-you don't remember? [FLASHBACK] (One year earlier...) Barney: I'll bet anyone ten bucks I can get Ted to grow a moustache. Ted: Uh... okay. [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: You sabotaged my next to last chance with Stella for ten dollars? Barney: I know. I would've done it for free. But, no. You owe me ten bucks. Ted: This is awful. My-my tenth session is next week. I'm gonna ask her out, and she's gonna say the most demoralizing syllable in the English language... no. You know what? Just forget it. I'm not even gonna ask her. Lily: No, you have to. She likes you. She said so herself. (clearing throat) I mean... Ted: Oh, my God, you went and saw her, too. Lily: I swear to you, I did not. [FLASHBACK] (Marshall is in Stella's office) Marshall: My wife's always getting on me about my dry elbows. So good to be in a relationship. Anyone special in your life? Or maybe just someone you're interested in? Interes-ted in? Stella: You know, we should really get this mole checked out. It's just a little irregular. Marshall: Irregular? Oh, my God. This is it. It's all over. Stella: One of my patients has this little butterfly tattoo at the bottom of his back. Marshall: Can you stop talking about your other patients?! I'm dying here, woman! Stella: There you go. Look, even if it is something, it's easily treatable, so try to relax. Marshall: Okay. Hey, what was it you were saying before about the guy with the butterfly tattoo? Stella: Oh, that... that's nothing. It's just a little crush. So I will be calling you with your results. Marshall: Oh. Okay. Thank you. Stella: Oh, sir, your book! [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: No. Marshall: Yes. Ted: She said "crush"? And she was talking about me? -SESSION 10- Ted from 2030: That last session was the least painful of all. I savored every searing blast of that laser. Stella: All done. Ted from 2030: The moment I'd waited ten weeks for had arrived. Ted: Stella...now that I'm no longer your patient, would you like to have dinner with me? Stella: Ted, you're a really nice guy... Ted: Oh, no. Stella: It has been so great getting to know you. Ted: I am gonna kill Marshall. Stella: I've had so much fun these last ten weeks. Ted: Oh, my God, this is worse than the laser. Stella: I have a daughter. Ted: What? Stella: Her name's Lucy. She's eight. Work and being with her, that's pretty much my life. My social calendar is movie night with the girls once a month when I can get a sitter. I mean, I've been to one party in the past year... St. Paddy's Day... it was awful, I left early. But, really, my only free time is the two minutes I get for lunch, so... this is why I don't date. Ted, I only have time for one most important person in my life, and that's Lucy. Anyway, it's been fun. Next time, think before you ink. But if you ever do wake up with, like, a dolphin tattoo on your ankle, just give me a call. At the Bar Ted: There it is... she's a mom. It's just not gonna happen. Marshall: Sorry, dude. Have a shrimp. Ted: I'm good. I guess I got no one but myself to blame. She told me right from the start she was gonna say no and sure enough... Wait a minute. At the tattoo removal center (Ted is waiting for Stella) Ted: You didn't actually say no. Stella: What do you mean? Ted: All this time you were, uh, you were supposed to say no, but you didn't... I checked the transcript. So, here's what I'm proposing. Uh... You only have two minutes, right? Stella: Right. Ted: Okay. You want to, uh... go on a a two-minute date with me? Stella: Last two-minute date I had gave me a daughter. Um... Okay. Ted: Great. And... go. Taxi! Ranjit: Hello! Stella: Ted, I seriously only have two minutes... Ted: I know. Stella: That's like 120 seconds. Ted: 380 West 22nd, please. And step on it. We're in a hurry. Stella: 380 West 22nd? That's... (They step off the taxi) Ted: Right this way. Stella, laughing: Thank you, sir. You know, I have always wanted to try this place. Waitress: House salad. Ted: So, college? Stella: Stanford. Ted: Uh-huh. Wesleyan. Stella: Oh, good. Do you know Adam Lazar? Ted: No. Scott Crable? Waitress: Eggplant parmesean. Ted: Thanks. Stella: Oh, already cut up. Nice. Ted: Could we get the check please. We're trying to make a movie in 15 seconds. Waitress: Of course. Ted: Okay, great. Uh, how do you want to do this? You had the eggplant parm. I only really had water so... I'm kidding. Oh. Okay. Let's go. Taxi! You nervous? Stella: A little bit. Ted: You can't tell at all. Stella: Oh, good. Yeah. Ranjit: Hello! Ted: 384 West 22nd. Stella: 15 seconds. The movie's started. Ted: Nah, previews. We'll be fine. Ah! Just in time. It hasn't started yet. Stella: So, what are we seeing? Ted: Manos: Hands of Fate. Stella: The whole thing? Ted: Only the important parts. Worst movie ever. Stella: Yeah, I almost walked out, like, five times. Ted: How we doing on time? Taxi! Stella: We got a little time. Ted: Okay. Do you want to walk it? Stella: Why not? Ranjit: Hello! Good-bye! Ted: So what grade's your daughter in? Stella: Third grade. Ted: Ah! That's a good year. Stella: Yeah, she's wonderful. I just wish that I could get her to quit smoking, you know? Ted: What? Stella: I'm kidding. Ted: Oh. Look, coffee and dessert? Stella: You know, this neighborhood just keeps on changing. This used to be a cute, little Italian restaurant. Ted: I know. New York. It's a living organism, an ever-changing tapestry. Ooh, look at the time. Let's go. Stella: Mmm, the cheesecake's amazing. Ted: Flowers? Stella: I'm allergic. Ted: Okay. See? We're getting to know each other. Stella, I had a lovely... Doggy bag? Stella, I had a lovely time. Stella: Me, too, Ted. Ted: And... date. Stella: Huh? Ted: That wasn't so bad, right? No lengthy, awkward silences. Dessert ran a little long, so... I had to cut the good-night kiss. Stella: I think I can be late just once. (They kiss) Ted... Ted: Look, I would love to have a second date, I would. But I understand that you really don't have time right now, but if you ever do, will you give me a call? Stella: Yes. Ted: Okay. Ted from 2030: And that, kids, is how you turn a "no" into a "yes." Abby: All my friends told me, "Abby, be strong. He doesn't deserve another chance." But I forgive you! (She runs after Ted) Ted: No, no, no, no! At the center Abby:...then he just kept toying with my emotions. Barney: Wow. This Ted guy sounds like a real jerk. You know your problem? You're too sweet. Abby: Aren't you going to see the doctor about that mole? Barney: Oh, yeah. Turns out it's just a Raisinet. Hey, how would you like me to take you out to a fancy restaurant and then go on a shopping spree? Treat you the way you should be treated. Would that make you forget about that Ted monster? Abby: My mom was wrong. There are nice guys in New York. Barney: We just have to go by my hotel room first. My bed was broken. I just have to make sure they fixed it. Abby: Well, then if it's fixed, can we can have s*x on it and then go shopping. Barney: I like you.

Continuing his passionate quest to find the woman who will one day be his wife, Ted pursues his beautiful dermatologist, Stella. While Stella turns down his repeated efforts for a date, her office receptionist, Abby, becomes smitten with Ted.

fd_Game_of_Thrones_06x07

fd_Game_of_Thrones_06x07_0

[ EXT. RIVERLANDS - BROTHER RAY'S ENCAMPMENT ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Many men are performing various tasks pertaining to the construction of a church. Many women are preparing food.) Man: That's it. Get it to the top. Man #2: Steady. Steady. (BROTHER RAY is standing beneath the framing, addressing two men who are hoisting up a log.) Ray: Up she goes. (RAY turns to another man and slaps him on the back.) Ray: Hey, come on. Put your back into it, huh? (RAY walks a few paces away, grabs an ax, and lifts it up to a man standing on the church framing.) Ray: Here you are, son. (The man standing on the framing takes the ax. RAY turns to see two men carrying a log into the opening beneath the framing. He waves them in.) Ray: Oh, gentlemen, please. (RAY walks out from beneath the framing and addresses more men carrying logs.) Ray: And you lot, come on. Come on, get it moving. Come on, come on. (RAY hurries beneath one of the logs and laughs. He turns and looks up at the church framing, smiles, and nods. In a field a little ways off, more men are carrying larger logs towards the church framing. Four men carry each log. A man carrying one of these heavy logs by himself comes into view. He drops the log in front of the church framing and pants, then turns to look out over the landscape. The man is SANDOR CLEGANE, The Hound.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ TITLE SEQUENCE ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. RIVERLANDS - BROTHER RAY'S ENCAMPMENT OUTSKIRTS ] [SCENE_BREAK] (SANDOR repeatedly swings an ax into a horizontal log. Woods chips fly everywhere. RAY walks up behind SANDOR.) Ray: In all my days I've never seen a man swing an ax like that. How many men did it take to cut you down? Sandor: Just one. Ray: Ooh. he must have been some kind of monster. (SANDOR sinks the ax into the log.) Sandor: He was a woman. (RAY laughs. SANDOR continues chopping. RAY walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: BROTHER RAY'S ENCAMPMENT ] [SCENE_BREAK] (A man standing beneath the church framing rings a bell. All of the men rush down off the church framing and father at the food stations. The women divvy out food. RAY pours a cup of water and walks among the people. They are all sitting down on the ground and eating. SANDOR is sitting on a rock away from everyone else, eating. RAY approaches him from behind and hands him the cup of water. SANDOR takes it.) Ray: I think some of the men are a bit afraid of you. Sandor: I'm used to it. (SANDOR drinks the entire cup of water.) Ray: When I found you, I thought you'd been dead for days. The way you were stinking already and you had bugs all over you and bone was coming through right there. (RAY sits down next to SANDOR and points at SANDOR's right knee.) Ray: I was gonna give you a proper burial and then you coughed. Oh, nearly sh1t myself. I reckoned you were gonna die by the time I loaded you on the wagon, but you didn't. Now, I reckoned you'd die a dozen more times over the next few days, but you didn't. What kept you going? (SANDOR pauses and stares ahead.) Sandor: Hate. (SANDOR continues eating.) Ray: No, there's a reason you're still here. Sandor: Aye, there's a reason. I'm a big fucker and I'm tough to kill. Ray: No, a reason. Gods aren't done with you yet. (SANDOR smiles. RAY stands and walks a few paces away from SANDOR, then turns to face him.) Sandor: I've heard that before. Man was talking about a different god, though. Ray: Well, maybe he was right. I don't know much about the gods. Sandor: You're in the wrong line of work. Ray: Oh, there's plenty of pious sons of bitches who think they know the word of god or gods. I don't. I don't even know their real names. Maybe it is the Seven. Or maybe it's the old gods. Or maybe it's the Lord of Light. Or maybe they're all the same f*cking thing. I don't know. What matters, I believe, is that there's something greater than us. And whatever it is, it's got plans for Sandor Clegane. (SANDOR stops eating and stares up at RAY. RAY nods at him.) Sandor: You didn't know me back in my time. You don't know the things I've done. Ray: I've heard stories. Sandor: If the gods are real...why haven't they punished me? Ray: They have. (RAY walks away. SANDOR stares out across the fields.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. GREAT SEPT OF BAELOR - PRAYER ROOM ] [SCENE_BREAK] (MARGAERY is reading from the Book of the Seven. She is wearing a crown. The HIGH SPARROW enters.) High Sparrow: Your Grace. What are we reading today? Margaery: The Book of the Mother, Your Holiness. Chapter three, verse 12. High Sparrow: Ah, "As water rounds the stones, smoothing--" Margaery: "Smoothing what was jagged, so does a woman's love calm a man's brute nature. A wife salves her husband's wounds, a mother sings her son to sleep." High Sparrow: You learn quickly. There are some who know every verse of the sacred text, but don't have a drop of the Mother's mercy in their blood and savages who can't read at all who understand the Father's wisdom. Margaery: For year I pretended to love the poor, the afflicted. I had pity for them, but I never loved them. They disgusted me. High Sparrow: They are hard to love. (The HIGH SPARROW sits down on a bench.) High Sparrow: The poor disgust us because they are us, shorn of our illusions. They show us what we'd look like without our fine clothes. How'd we smell without perfume. (The HIGH SPARROW sighs.) High Sparrow: Can I ask you about a personal matter? Margaery: Of course. (MARGAERY sits on the bench beside the HIGH SPARROW.) High Sparrow: The king mentioned that since your reunion, you haven't joined him in the marriage bed. Margaery: No. High Sparrow: You have a duty, Your Grace. To your husband, your king, your country, to the gods themselves. Margaery: It's just...the desires that once drove me no longer do. High Sparrow: Congress does not require desire on the woman's part, only patience. The king must have an heir if we are to continue our good work. Margaery: Forgive me. Sometimes the truth path is hard to find. High Sparrow: Hard to find and harder still to walk upon. But you've made great progress. I only pray your grandmother follows your lead. (The HIGH SPARROW stands.) Margaery: My grandmother? High Sparrow: Yes. The Queen of Thorns is a remarkable woman, a strong woman, and an unrepentant sinner. You must teach her the new way as she taught you the old. Or I fear for her safety, body and soul. [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: RED KEEP - OLENNA'S CHAMBER ] [SCENE_BREAK] (MARGAERY and OLENNA are sitting at a table. SEPTA UNELLA stands several feet away, watching them.) Olenna: Does it move or talk? I want to speak with you alone. Margaery: Septa Unella has been my true friend and counselor. (OLENNA stands.) Olenna: Oh, this is madness! (OLENNA takes MARGAERY's hand and leads her out onto the balcony to a different table. SEPTA UNELLA follows them out. MARGAERY sits at the table.) Olenna (to Septa Unella): You're not in your sanctuary now, my dear. All I have to do is whistle and my men will stroll in here and bash you about... Margaery: Grandmother. Olenna: ...until I tell them to stop. If I tell them to stop. You could use a good bashing. Margaery: Grandmother, please. (OLENNA sits across from MARGAERY.) Olenna: What have they done to you? Margaery: You marched against the High Sparrow, against the Faith. Olenna: We marched for you. Margaery: The gods could have punished you and Father, but they didn't. They showed mercy. Olenna: And what about your brother? What mercy did they show him? Margaery: Loras's only hope is to confess his crimes and repent. If he does, the Faith will allow him to return to Highgarden. He'll have to renounce his name and title... Olenna: Have you lost your mind? Margaery: ...and live his life as a penitent. Olenna: He is the heir to Highgarden, the future of House Tyrell. Margaery: He can begin again. Olenna: As a mindless fanatic. Margaery: As a free man. Olenna: You will leave for Highgarden today. There is no law that says you must stay here. (MARGAERY stands.) Margaery: I am the queen. It is my duty to serve my husband the king. (MARGAERY walks around the table and kneels before OLENNA. Her back is to SEPTA UNELLA.) Margaery: But you should leave, Grandmother. Your place is at home. Olenna: I will never leave you. Never. Margaery: You must. (MARGAERY slips a piece of paper into OLENNA's hand. MARGAERY's eyes widen.) Margaery: Go home. Find comfort in prayer and good works. (MARGAERY stands.) Margaery: The Mother watches over us all. (OLENNA stands.) Olenna: I'll see you soon, my dear. (MARGAERY and OLENNA embrace. MARGAERY closes her eyes and then steps back.) Margaery: Seven blessings to you, Grandmother. (OLENNA nods and walks back into her chamber. MARGAERY stifles tears. She regains her composure and turns to face SEPTA UNELLA.) Margaery: Shall we pray? [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: RED KEEP - OLENNA'S CHAMBER INNER BALCONY ] [SCENE_BREAK] (OLENNA walks out onto the balcony and shuts the door behind her. She looks around and then unfolds the piece of paper MARGAERY placed in her hand and looks at it. There is a drawing of a rose on it. OLENNA looks up and smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. SOUTH OF THE WALL - WILDLING ENCAMPMENT ] [SCENE_BREAK] (JON SNOW, SANSA, DAVOS, TORMUND, and WUN WUN are meeting with DIM DALBA and the other Wildling leaders. They are all gathered around a fire pit.) Dim Dalba: We said we'd fight with you, King Crow, when the time comes and we meant it, but this isn't what we agreed to. These aren't White Walkers. This isn't an army of the dead. This isn't our find. Tormund: If it weren't for him, none of us would be here. All of you would be meat in the Night King's army. And I'd be a pile of charred bones just like Mance. Dim Dalba: Remember Mance's camp? It stretched all the way to the horizon. And look at us now. Look what's left of us. And if we lose this, we're gone. Dozens of tribes, hundreds of generations. Be like we were never there at all. We'll be the last of the free folk. Jon Snow: That's what'll happen to you if we lose. The Boltons, the Karstarks, the Umbers, they know you're here. They know that more than half of you are women and children. After they finish with me, they'll come for you. You're right. This isn't your fight. You shouldn't have to come to Winterfell with me. I shouldn't be asking you. It's not the deal we made. I need you with me if we're gonna beat them, and we need to beat them if you're going to survive. (TORMUND gestures to JON SNOW.) Tormund: The crows killed him because he spoke for the free folk when no other southerners would. He died for us. If we are not willing to do the same for him, we're cowards. And if that's what we are, we deserve to be the last of the free folk. (WUN WUN stands.) Wun Wun: Snow. (WUN WUN walks away. DIM DALBA looks at the men around him. One of them nods. DIM DALBA walks up to JON SNOW and holds out his hand. JON takes it. DIM DALBA returns to his men.) Jon Snow (to Tormund): Are you sure they'll come? Tormund: We're not clever like you southerners. When we say we'll do something, we do it. (JON SNOW exhales.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. RED KEEP - OLENNA'S CHAMBER ] [SCENE_BREAK] (OLENNA is sitting at a table, writing. CERSEI enters with GREGOR in tow.) Cersei: I heard you were leaving King's Landing. Olenna: That is hardly your concern. Cersei: Your grandson is still a prisoner. You'll leave him rotting in a cell? Olenna: Loras rots in a cell because of you. THe High Sparrow rules this city because of you. Our two ancient houses face collapse because of you and your stupidity. Cersei: You're right. I made a terrible mistake. I carry it with me every single day. Olenna: Good. Cersei: I delivered an army of fanatics onto our doorstep. And now we must fight them together. We need each other. Olenna: I wonder if you're the worst person I've ever met. At a certain age, it's hard to recall. But the truly vile do stand out through the years. Do you remember the way you smirked at me when my grandson and granddaughter were dragged off to their cells? I do. I'll never forget it. Cersei: You love your granddaughter. I love my son. It's the only truth I know. We must defend them. Olenna: I'm leaving this wretched city as fast as I can before that shoeless zealot throws me into one of his cells. If you're half as bright as you think you are, you'll find your way out of here, too. Cersei: Never. I'll never leave my son. Olenna: What'll you do, then? You have no support. Not anymore. Your brother's gone. The High Sparrow saw to that. The rest of your family have abandoned you. The people despise you. You're surrounded by enemies, thousands of them. You're going to kill them all by yourself? You've lost, Cersei. It's the only joy I can find in all this misery. (OLENNA goes back to writing.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. RIVERRUN - OUTSKIRTS ] [SCENE_BREAK] (A Lannister army approaches Riverrun led by JAIME and BRONN. JAIME and BRONN stop their horses on a hill and look out at the encampment of Freys at the foot of Riverrun.) Man: Pick the pace up. Keep going. Man #2: Keep it moving! Bronn: Now, that is a sorry attempt at a siege. Someone needs to teach those sad twats how to dig trenches. Jaime: Someone certainly does. (JAIME looks at BRONN.) Bronn: Oh, no. Not me. I'm just an upjumped sellsword. Jaime: You're an anointed knight. There's quite a difference. Bronn: Aye, knights don't get paid. Jaime: You have better instincts than any officer in the Lannister army. Bronn: That's like saying I have a bigger cock than anyone in the Unsullied army. Jaime: I expect to command all the Lannister forces before long. You can be the right hand I lost. Bronn: You promised me a lordship and a castle and a highborn beauty for a wife. Jaime: And you'll get all three. A Lannister always-- Bronn: Don't say it. Don't f*cking say it. (BRONN ushers his horse onwards.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: RIVERRUN - FREY ENCAMPMENT ] [SCENE_BREAK] (JAIME and BRONN lead a group of Lannister soldiers through the encampment. Some Frey men gather around and stare at them. LOTHAR is standing at the foot of Riverrun, shouting up at the castle walls. BLACK WALDER is behind him, standing on a makeshift hangman's platform. EDMURE is also on the platform with a noose around his neck. JAIME and BRONN watch them.) Lothar: Come out and fight us, Blackfish. Yield the castle or we'll hang him. (BRYNDEN TULLY, the Blackfish, walks along Riverrun's castle wall and comes to a stop in front of an arrowslit. He stares out at LOTHAR, BLACK WALDER, and EDMURE.) Lothar: This is your last warning. Yield the castle. (LOTHAR looks back at BLACK WALDER. BLACK WALDER takes the noose off of EDMURE's neck and draws a knife.) Black Walder: You think I won't do it, old man? (BLACK WALDER holds the knife to EDMURE's neck.) Black Walder: I sliced your niece's throat from ear to ear. And where were you? Running and hiding like a f*cking coward. Yield the castle or I cut his throat. Brynden: Go on, then. Cut his throat. (BRYNDEN walks away. LOTHAR looks at BLACK WALDER and shrugs. BLACK WALDER takes the knife away from EDMURE's neck. Some Frey men take EDMURE away. JAIME, BRONN, and the Lannister army advance towards LOTHAR and BLACK WALDER, and stop in front of them.) Jaime: Lothar, is it? Lothar: Ser Jaime. We didn't know you were coming. Jaime: 'Cause you didn't set up a proper perimeter. You just allowed 8,000 men to approach unchallenged. Bronn: Good thing we're friends or we'd be f*cking you in the ass right now. Jaime: Have Lord Edmure bathed and fed. (BLACK WALDER waves at the Frey men escorting EDMURE.) Black Walder: Whoa, whoa. (The Frey men stop walking. BLACK WALDER approaches JAIME.) Lothar: Walder. (LOTHAR puts his hand out to stop BLACK WALDER, but BLACK WALDER pushes him away. BLACK WALDER walks up to JAIME.) Black Walder: Edmure is a prisoner of House Frey. (JAIME looks BLACK WALDER up and down.) Jaime: Only a fool makes threats he's not prepared to carry out. Now let's say I threatened to hit you unless you shut your mouth, but you kept talking. What do you think I'd do? Black Walder: I don't give a rat's-- (JAIME hits BLACK WALDER across the face with his gold hand. BLACK WALDER staggers back beside LOTHAR.) Jaime: I'm here by the king's command to take back this castle. Have him bathed and fed. Unless you'd like to take his place. Lothar: Apologies, Ser Jaime. (LOTHAR waves at the Frey men escorting EDMURE.) Lothar: Do as he says. Jaime: The siege is now under my command. The next time the Blackfish looks out from those ramparts, he'll see an army at his gates, not whatever this is. Bronn: Have your lads start digging perimeter trenches. Set pickets every hundred yards. And work double-time on those siege towers and trebuchets. Black Walder: Those are our siege towers-- Jaime: As I said, the siege is under my command. If that's not to your liking, go home. (LOTHAR and BLACK WALDER walk away. BRONN walks up behind JAIME.) Jaime: Get word to the Blackfish. I want a parley. Bronn: A parley or a fight? Jaime: He's an old man. Bronn: You've got one hand. My money's on the old boy. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. BEAR ISLAND ] [SCENE_BREAK] (The castle of House Mormont sits atop a high hill. Waterfalls pour out below. A bird screeches.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: BEAR ISLAND - CASTLE AUDIENCE CHAMBER ] [SCENE_BREAK] (LYANNA MORMONT sits at a high table flanked by a commander and a maester. JON SNOW, SANSA, and DAVOS enter. Some guards close the doors behind them.) Jon Snow: Lady Mormont. Lyanna: Welcome to Bear Island. (JON SNOW looks at SANSA.) Sansa: I remember when you were born, my lady. You were named for my Aunt Lyanna. It was said she was a great beauty. I'm sure you will be, too. Lyanna: I doubt it. My mother wasn't a great beauty or any other kind of beauty. She was a great warrior, though. She died fighting for your brother, Robb. Jon Snow: I served under your uncle at Castle Black, Lady Lyanna. He was also a great warrior and an honorable man. I was his steward. In fact-- Lyanna: I think we've had enough small talk. What are you here? Jon Snow: Stannis Baratheon garrisoned at Castle Black before he marched on Winterfell and was killed. He showed me the letter you wrote to him when he petitioned for men. It said-- Lyanna: I remember what it said. "Bear Island knows no king but the King in the North whose name is Stark." Jon Snow: Robb is gone, but House Stark is not. And it needs your support now more than ever. I've come with my sister to ask for House Mormont's allegiance. (LYANNA leans towards her maester. They whisper to each other. LYANNA turns back to face JON SNOW.) Lyanna: As far as I understand, you're a Snow and Lady Sansa is a Bolton. Or is she a Lannister? I've heard conflicting reports. Sansa: I did what I had to do to survive, my lady. But I am a Stark. I will always be a Stark. Lyanna: If you say so. In any case, you don't just want my allegiance. You want my fighting men. Jon Snow: Ramsay Bolton cannot be allowed to keep Winterfell, my lady. It is our duty to stop him. Even more so because he holds our brother Rickon Stark as prisoner. What you have to understand, my lady, is that-- Lyanna: I understand that I'm responsible for Bear Island and all who live here. So why should I sacrifice one more Mormont life for someone else's war? (JON SNOW and SANSA fall silent. DAVOS steps forward.) Davos: If it please, my lady, I understand how you feel. Lyanna: I don't know you, Ser...? Davos: Davos, my lady, of House Seaworth. (LYANNA turns to her maester.) Davos: You needn't ask your maester about my house. It's rather new. (LYANNA settles back into her chair.) Lyanna: All right, Ser Davos of House Seaworth. How is it you understand how I feel? Davos: You never thought you'd find yourself in your position. Being responsible for so many lives at such a young age. I never thought I'd be in my position. I was a crabber's son, then I was a smuggler. And now I found myself addressing the lady of a great house in time of war. But I'm here because this isn't someone else's war. It's our war. Lyanna: Go on, Ser Davos. Davos: Your uncle, Lord Commander Mormont, made that man his steward. He chose Jon to be his successor because he knew had the courage to do what was right, even if it meant giving his life. Because Jeor Mormont and Jon Snow both understood that the real war isn't between a few squabbling houses. It's between the living and the dead. And make no mistake, my lady, the dead are coming. Lyanna: Is this true? (JON SNOW nods.) Jon Snow: Your uncle fought them at the Fist of the First Men. I fought them at Hardhome. We both lost. Davos: As long as the Boltons hold Winterfell, the North is divided. And a divided North won't stand a chance against the Night King. You want to protect your people, my lady. I understand. But there's no hiding from this. We have to fight and we need to do it together. (LYANNA's maester leans over to whisper in her ear, but she waves him away.) Lyanna: House Mormont has kept faith with House Stark for 1,000 years. We will not break faith today. Jon Snow: Thank you, my lady. How many fighting men can we expect? (LYANNA leans to her military commander and they whisper to each other.) Lyanna: 62. Jon Snow: 62? Lyanna: We are not a large house, but we're a proud one. And every man from Bear Island fights with the strength of 10 mainlanders. Davos: If they're half as ferocious as their lady, the Boltons are doomed. (LYANNA smiles and nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. RIVERRUN - LANNISTER ENCAMPMENT ] [SCENE_BREAK] (JAIME is on horseback, galloping through the encampment. He is accompanied by a bannerman and a regiment of foot soldiers. When he reaches the bridge leading to Riverrun's castle, he dismounts his horse and walks across it. He stands at the foot of the bridge and stares down into the water. Above, several Tully soldiers notch their crossbows and point them at him through arrowslits. The drawbridge lowers. BRYNDEN stands on the other side, accompanied by a regiment of Tully soldiers. BRYNDEN walks out across the drawbridge alone and approaches JAIME.) Brynden: Kingslayer. Jaime: Blackfish. Brynden: I assume you're here to fulfill the vow you gave my niece. I don't see Sansa and Arya. Jaime: I don't have them. Brynden: Pity. Do you wish to resume your captivity? (JAIME shakes his head.) Brynden: Then why are you here? Jaime: You know why I'm here. This castle belongs to House Frey. You're trespassing. In the name of King Tommen, I order you to surrender or-- Brynden: Or you'll kill Edmure? (BRYNDEN walks past JAIME.) Brynden: My nephew's marked for death no matter what. Hang him and be done with it. Jaime: It won't stop with Edmure. You'll force me to storm the castle. Hundreds will die. Brynden: Hundreds of mine. Thousands of yours. If you can breach the walls. (JAIME positions himself beside BRYNDEN.) Jaime: We'll breach them and kill every last one of you. But if you surrender, I'll spare the lives of your men. On my honor. Brynden: Your honor? Bargaining with oathbreakers is like building on quicksand. Jaime: The war is over, ser. Why sacrifice living men to a lost cause? (BRYNDEN turns to face JAIME and walks close to him.) Brynden: As long as I'm standing, the war is not over. This is my home. I was born in this castle and I'm ready to die in it. So you can either attack or try to starve us out. We have enough provisions for two years. Do you have two years, Kingslayer? (BRYNDEN walks past JAIME and continues back across the drawbridge.) Jaime: You clearly have no intention of saving your men's lives. Why did you come to treat with me? (BRYNDEN turns back to face JAIME.) Brynden: Sieges are dull. And I wanted to see you in person, get the measure of you. Jaime: Well, now you have. Brynden: Aye, now I have. I'm disappointed. (BRYNDEN turns around and walks back inside the castle. The drawbridge begins to close. JAIME scrunches up his face, turns around, and walks back across the bridge.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. DEEPWOOD MOTTE - COURTYARD ] [SCENE_BREAK] (JON SNOW, SANSA, and DAVOS are meeting with ROBETT GLOVER. Several men serving under ROBETT stand in attendance.) Robett: The answer is no. Jon Snow: Lord Glover, if you could just hear us out. Robett: I've heard enough. We've only just taken back this castle from the Ironborn. The Boltons helped us do it. Now you want me to fight against them? I could be skinned for even talking to you. Jon Snow: The Boltons are traitors. Roose Bolton-- Robett: Have other northern houses pledged to fight for you? Jon Snow: House Mormont. Robett: And? Jon Snow: We sent raven to Houses Manderly-- Robett: I don't care about ravens. You're asking me to join your army. Who is fighting in this army? Jon Snow: The bulk of the force is made up of wildlings. (ROBETT laughs.) Robett: Then the rumors are true. I didn't dare believe them. I received you out of respect for your father. Now I would like you to leave. House Glover will not abandon its ancestral home to fight alongside wildlings. (ROBETT turns around and heads up the stairs towards a door attended by his men.) Jon Snow: Lord Glover. Robett: There's nothing else to say. Sansa: I would remind you that House Glover is pledged to House Stark. Sworn to answer when called upon. (JON SNOW glares at SANSA. ROBETT turns on his heel and walks up close to SANSA.) Robett: Yes, my family served House Stark for centuries. We wept when we heard of your father's death. When my brother was lord of this castle, he answered Robb's call and hailed him King in the North. (ROBETT gets closer to SANSA.) Robett: And where was King Robb when the Ironborn attacked this castle? When they threw my wife and children in prison and brutalized and killed our subjects? Taking up with a foreign whore. Getting himself and those who followed him killed. (ROBETT looks at JON SNOW and then back at SANSA.) Robett: I served House Stark once, but House Stark is dead. (ROBETT turns, climbs the stairs to the door, and walks through it. SANSA and JON SNOW look down.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. LONG BRIDGE OF VOLANTIS - BAY ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Many boats bearing the sigil of House Greyjoy on their sails are docked in the bay near the Long Bridge. Chatter and laughter can be heard from the Long Bridge.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: LONG BRIDGE OF VOLANTIS - BAR ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Many Ironborn men are communing with prostitutes. THEON sits at a table alone, looking back at forth at them. YARA sits down at his table accompanied by a prostitute. She and the prostitute kiss at length. THEON does not look at them.) Theon: Why did we have to come here? Yara: Some of us still like it. Have a drink at least. Theon: I don't want one. (YARA sighs and turns back to the prostitute..) Yara: Don't go far, love. (YARA kisses the prostitutes breast.) Yara: I'll find you in a bit. (The prostitute stands. YARA kisses her backside and then slaps it. The prostitute giggles and runs away. YARA laughs and grabs a drink.) Yara: Nothing on the Iron Islands has an ass like that. Doesn't interest you anymore? (THEON scrunches up his face.) Yara: I'm sorry. I won't joke about it. I'll never hurt you, little brother. Don't you know that? (YARA pours herself another drink.) Theon: You think Uncle Euron's hunting for us? Yara: Of course he is. As long as we're alive, we're a threat. Theon: He'll find us. Yara: It's a great big world and we have fast ships. Drink. Theon: I don't want any. Yara: I don't care what you want. Drink. (THEON takes a small sip of his drink.) Yara: Drink it all. (THEON drinks deeper.) Yara: You're Ironborn, Theon. I know you've had some bad years. Theon: Some bad years? Yara: But I'm tired of watching you cower like a beat dog. Drink the goddamn ale. (THEON takes another deep drink.) Yara: Now listen to me. I need you. The real Theon Greyjoy, not this rat sh1t pretender. Can you find him for me? Drink. (THEON drinks more deeply..) Yara: You escaped, do you hear me? You got away and you're never going back. We'll get justice for you. Theon: If I got justice, my burnt body would hang over the gates of Winterfell. Yara: f*ck justice, then. We'll get revenge. Drink. (THEON downs the rest of his ale. YARA moves closer to THEON.) Yara: Listen to me. If you're so broken that there's no coming back, take a knife and cut your wrists. End it. But if you're staying, Theon, I need you. We're gonna sail to Meereen. We're gonna make a pact with this Dragon Queen. And we're gonna take back the Iron Islands. (YARA places her hand on the back of THEON's neck.) Yara: Are you with me? Are you really with me? (THEON slowly raises his head up and locks eyes with YARA. He nods. YARA smiles and kisses his forehead.) Yara: Now, since it's my last night ashore for a long while, I'm gonna go f*ck the tits off this one. (YARA stands, pats THEON on the back, walks over to the prostitute she was communing with earlier, and takes her hand. THEON stares blankly to the side.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. NORTHERN WILDERNESS - STARK ENCAMPMENT ] [SCENE_BREAK] (JON SNOW, SANSA, and DAVOS are riding horses through the encampment.) Davos: Stannis camped here on his way to Winterfell. Sansa: And that's a good thing? Davos: He was the most experienced commander in Westeros. He chose this place for a reason. Those mountains are a natural fortification. There's a stream down there for the horses. Jon Snow: We're not staying here long. Another storm could hit any day.. Davos: Aye, the snows defeated Stannis as much as the Boltons did. Jon Snow: We have to march on Winterfell now while we still can. (They all dismount their horses and begin walking side by side.) Davos: 2,000 Wildlings. 200 Hornwoods, 143 Mazins-- Sansa: 62 Mormonts. Davos: It's not what we'd hoped for. But we still have a chance if we're careful and smart. (DAVOS spots two men fighting.) Davos: For f*ck's sake. (DAVOS hurries over to the men. JON SNOW and SANSA watch him go and then continue walking.) Sansa: So he's your most trusted advisor now? Because he secured 62 men from a ten year old? Jon Snow: Ser Davos is the reason I'm standing here talking to you and he served Stannis for years. Sansa: Stannis who lost the Blackwater, who murdered his own brother, who doesn't have a head? (SANSA stops walking. JON keeps walking a few paces and then turns to face her.) Sansa: It's not enough. We need more men. Jon Snow: There's no time. Sansa: If we went down to Castle Cerwyn, I know that Lord-- (JON SNOW moves close to SANSA.) Jon Snow: We fight with the army we have. (JON SNOW looks over SANSA's shoulder at DAVOS. He is standing in front of the fighting men, who are wrestling on the ground.) Davos: Friends, this is not worth fighting over! (JON SNOW walks past SANSA and away.) Davos: This'll be it, now. Right now, we don't need to be fighting. (One of the men gets in DAVOS' face.) Man: Who the f*ck are you? Davos: Hold on. Man #2: Yeah, who the f*ck are you? (SANSA spies the maester of Bear Island handling some crates containing ravens. He holds up one of the crates to LYANNA MORMONT.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: NORTHERN WILDERNESS - STARK ENCAMPMENT TENT ] [SCENE_BREAK] (SANSA is writing a letter. She signs her name, pours wax, and presses the wax with the direwolf sigil of House Stark. She picks up the letter and rereads it, then stares ahead.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. RIVERLANDS - BROTHER RAY'S ENCAMPMENT ] [SCENE_BREAK] (All of RAY's followers are gathered together in a circle. RAY is standing in the center, speaking to them all. SANDOR stands at the far end of the flock, behind everyone else. The church framing stands on a hill in the background.) Ray: I was a soldier once. All my superiors thought I was brave. I wasn't. I mean, I never ran from a fight. Only because I was afraid my friends would see I was afraid. That's all I was, a coward. We followed orders no matter the orders. Burn that village. Fine, I'm your arsonist. Steal that farmer's crops. Good, I'm your thief. Kill those young lads so they won't take up arms against us. I'm your murderer. I remember once a woman screaming at us, calling us animals as we dragged her son from their hut. But we weren't animals. Animals are true to their nature and we had betrayed ours. I cut that young boy's throat myself as his mother screamed and my friends held her back. (RAY sits down on a stump next to one of the men and rests his arm on the man's shoulder.) Ray: That night...I felt such shame. Shame was so heavy on me, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. (SANDOR looks down.) Ray: All I could do was stare into that dark sky and listen to that mother screaming her son's name. I'll hear her screaming the rest of my life. (RAY stands and walks back to the center of the circle.) Ray: Now, I know I can never bring that lad back. All I can do with time I've got left is bring a little goodness into the world. That's all any of us can do, isn't it? Never too late to stop robbing people, to stop killing people. Start helping people. (RAY stares at SANDOR.) Ray: It's never too late to come back. (SANDOR returns RAY's gaze but is distracted by three horsemen coming up the way. RAY turns to look at them. SANDOR walks a few paces into the midst of RAY's followers and stares at the riders.) Ray: And it's not about waiting for the gods to answer your prayers. It's not even about the gods. It's about you. Learning you have to answer your prayers yourself. (The three riders reach the group and stop. RAY walks out to meet them. All of RAY's followers stand. The riders are FLYNN, MORGAN, and LEM LEMONCLOAK.) Ray: Seven save you, friends. How can we help you? Lem: What are you doing here? Ray: Well, we're talking about life. You? Lem: Protecting the people. Ray: Well, we thank you for your protection. Who are you protecting us from? Lem: Do you have any horses? Ray: No horses. No gold. No steel. Lem: Food, then. Protecting the people is hungry work. Ray: I'm sure it is. You're welcome to stay for supper, but we have hungry mouths here. Lem: Stay safe. The night is dark and full of terrors. (LEM smiles. The three riders turn the horses around and ride off. SANDOR watches them leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: RIVERLANDS - BROTHER RAY'S ENCAMPMENT OUTSKIRTS ] [SCENE_BREAK] (SANDOR is splitting wood with an ax on a chopping block. RAY walks up the path. SANDOR sees him coming but continues chopping.) Sandor: "Seven save you, friends." Ray: I'm a f*cking septon. What was I supposed to say? Sandor: They don't believe in your Seven. They're from the Brotherhood. They follow the Red God. Ray: Aye, well, all are welcome here. Anyway, we got nothing for them. (SANDOR stops chopping.) Sandor: Sure, you do. You've got food, you've got steel even if you say you don't. And you've got women. Ray: What do you want to do? Fight them? Kill them? (SANDOR shrugs and sighs.) Ray: It'd be you against all of them. I mean, these people don't know how to fight. Sandor: You do. Ray: I'm done with fighting. Sandor: Even if it's to protect yourself? Ray: Violence is a disease. You don't cure a disease by spreading it to more people. Sandor: You don't cure it by dying, either. (SANDOR resumes chopping.) Ray: You've done enough work for one day. Come on up for some supper. (RAY starts back up the path.) Sandor: It's gonna be a cold night. We'll need firewood. Ray: I'll save you a bowl of stew. Might even have some ale hidden away. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. BRAAVOS - MARKETPLACE ] [SCENE_BREAK] (People of all sorts line the streets. ARYA walks among them with her hands behind her back. She encounters two men sitting across from each other at a small table.) Man: He's not a lying man. He says the Iron Fleet's in Slaver's Bay. I'm inclined to believe him. I'm not going anywhere near those mad fuckers. (ARYA walks up beside the men and addressing the one who was speaking.) Arya: You're Westerosi. Man: What do you care? Arya: I want to book passage home. (The man laughs.) Man: You? Can't afford it. (ARYA tosses a bag of coins on the table in front of the man. The man opens it and pulls out some coins.) Man: Where'd you steal this from? Arya: Why do you care? Man: We leave in two days. You can have a hammock in steerage. (ARYA throws another bag of coins on the table.) Arya: I want a cabin. And we'll leave at dawn. (ARYA walks past the man and grabs the coin purses off the table on the way.) Arya: See you at sunrise. (ARYA walks onto a bridge and stops to stare out at the Titan. An old woman approaches her.) Woman: Sweet girl. (ARYA turns to face the old woman. The old woman draws a blade and slashes ARYA across the stomach. She grabs ARYA by the neck and holds her tight to her body, the stabs ARYA severl times in the stomach and twists the blade. With her free hand, she reaches up and pulls off her face, revealing she is the WAIF in disguise. ARYA headbutss the WAIF, pushes her, and then runs and jumps off the opposite side of the bridge, plummeting into the water. The WAIF rushes to the side of the bridge ARYA jumped off and stares into the water. Bubbles and blood rise to the surface. The WAIF straightens her shirt and walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: BRAAVOS - MARKETPLACE SHORE ] [SCENE_BREAK] (ARYA bursts through the surface of the water, gasping. She pulls herself up onto some steps , turns onto her back, and clutches her bleeding stomach.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: BRAAVOS - MARKETPLACE ] [SCENE_BREAK] (ARYA stumbles through the crowd, clutching her bleeding stomach and shivering. She looks from face to face. Everyone stares at her blankly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. RIVERLANDS - BROTHER RAY'S ENCAMPMENT WOODS ] [SCENE_BREAK] (SANDOR is chopping a branch with a machete. He tosses the machete down and takes a drink of water, then hears people screaming and runs through the woods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: RIVERLANDS - BROTHER RAY'S ENCAMPMENT ] [SCENE_BREAK] (The dead bodies of RAY's followers are strewn all over the ground. SANDOR walks among them. He approaches the church framing. RAY is hanging by the neck from the framing, dead. SANDOR looks up at him and sighs. He walks to a nearby stump and retrieves an ax.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CREDITS ]

The Hound is alive and living a simple, non-violent life, having been saved by a Septon and his followers. When rogue Brotherhood members threaten and eventually slaughter the group, the Hound seeks revenge. Margaery convinces her grandmother to return to Highgarden after the High Sparrow threatens to punish Olenna following her and Jaime's confrontation with the Faith. Margaery then secretly signals to Olenna that she has not converted to the Faith. Jon, Sansa, and Davos recruit the Wildlings, House Mormont, and others but remain outnumbered by the Boltons. Sansa secretly sends a message to the Vale requesting aid. Jaime arrives in Riverrun with Bronn and assumes command of the siege. Jaime unsuccessfully parleys with Brynden Tully. Theon and Yara spend their last night in Volantis before sailing to Meereen to ally with Daenerys. Arya prepares to return to Westeros until the Waif, disguised as an old crone, viciously stabs her.

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Act 1 Scene 1 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. It is raining. Ronee, in her robe, comes into the living room from Martin's room, Frasier is at the table. Ronee: Hey, you're up early. Rain wake you? Frasier: Oh, no, just a little preoccupied. Ronee: Well, if there's something on your mind you can tell me. Won't be long before I'm your mom. Frasier: I was actually gonna tell you before you said that. Ronee: [sitting] Oh, come on. Frasier: Well, there's this woman I can't seem to get off of my mind. A woman with a boyfriend. Ronee: Why don't you just get her drunk and see what happens? Frasier: You are nothing like my mother. Martin comes in from his room. Martin: Hey, Ronee, better get dressed. You can't look like that when she gets here. Ronee: Oh, she not coming for another hour. Frasier: Who? Martin: Ronee's mother. Ronee: Your grandmother. Frasier: Stop that! Martin: She's visiting with her church group from Spokane. He goes into the kitchen. Ronee: Yeah, and if she sees me like dressed this she'd know that I spent the night and then she'd be carping about it the whole weekend. Frasier: What, she doesn't approve of pre-marital s*x? Ronee: Judging by the diving bell she wore as a nightgown, she wasn't real big on post-marital s*x either. Martin comes back from the kitchen with his coffee. Martin: Plus, I'm startin' out with one strike against me. Ronee: Mother still remembers a night he drove me home from babysitting you and Niles, thirty years ago... Martin: Forty years ago. Ronee: I'm telling this story. I was all weepy because this guy had just dumped me, and your father put his arm around me, just to be nice. And Mom saw it and she thought he was trying to rob me of my virtue. Frasier: [getting up] Oh, that's crazy. He goes to the front door to get the paper. Ronee: I know, like there was anything left to rob. Martin: Well, don't worry. It's been a long time since I've had to charm the mother of one of my girlfriends, but, believe me, it's a skill you don't lose. Ronee gets up from the table. Behind Frasier, the elevator opens and a woman steps out. Betty: Dr. Crane? Frasier: Oh, Mrs. Lawrence, how lovely to see you again. Ronee should be here any minute. He pulls the door behind him as Ronee gets down, then crawls for the bedroom. Betty: Yes, well, I'm a little early. Frasier: Yes, there's no problem. Betty: I'm not inconveniencing you? Frasier: No, not at all. Betty: I could come back later. Frasier: I wouldn't think of it. Betty: Well, then can I come in? Frasier: Yes, yes of course. Where are my manners? He leads her inside. Frasier: Oh, let me take your coat. He takes her coat as she looks over. Betty: Martin. Martin: Hey, Ronee, we were just talkin'... wait. Mrs. Lawrence? Wow, you look wonderful! Ronee isn't here at the moment, so why don't I give you a little tour? We can start in the kitchen. He puts his arm around her shoulders to lead her and she flinches. Betty: Still all hands I see. Martin: Well, Mrs. Lawrence, kitchen's right here. You know, you look the same as you did the last time I saw you. Betty: What are you saying? That I looked like this at forty? They go into the kitchen. Ronee rushes for the front door, then rings the bell. Frasier: I'll get it! He opens the door, but motions Ronee to hold still. Frasier: Wait! It's pouring rain outside. He grabs a vase, takes out the flowers and upends it over her head. Frasier: Why, look who's here. It's Ronee. Ronee, soaking wet, just waves at her mom coming out of the kitchen. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 2 - Cafe Nervosa Fade in. Niles and Daphne are sitting at a table. Frasier comes in the front. Frasier: Hey, you two. Daphne: Hello. Niles: Frasier! Whatever plans you have for this evening, cancel them. I'm taking you to a fantastic new restaurant. Frasier: [sitting] Well, all right. Where are we going? Chez Paul? Kobu? Daphne: Burger-Burger-Burger. Frasier: Dear God, you're serious. Niles: I know what you're thinking. Not two days ago I was just like you. Too good to walk into any one of their seventy-one convenient locations. Daphne: Then I dragged him in there yesterday for lunch when I was craving a Bacon Cheese Burger-Burger-Burger. He liked it so much he insisted we try the Chick 'n' Bucket for dinner. I guess he's got the fast food bug. Frasier: And which one would that be? E. coli? Niles: Now, now, keep an open mind. After all, you've embraced the peasant cuisine of Italy and France, why shun the peasants in our own backyard? Frasier: You've changed, Niles. Daphne: [rising] He hasn't changed that much. He sent back his Big Slurp. Goodbye, Darling Niles: 'Bye, Darling. She kisses him and leaves. Frasier: Thanks, Niles, but, you know, I think I'll pass. Spend a night in, curled up with a good book. I didn't get much sleep last night. Roz comes in. Roz: So, Frasier. What was going on with you at work today? You seemed a little distracted. She sits. Frasier: I'm, I'm not really sure. I can't stop thinking about this woman I've met. It's my matchmaker, of all people. Niles: Now, do you get a discount if the matchmaker sets you up with herself? Sort of a floor model sort of thing? Roz: I thought you were kind of ticked off at her. Frasier: Well, I was, and then we had dinner together last night. And, God, we were so comfortable with each other, it's like we've known each other for ages. Roz: So ask her out. Frasier: Oh, I can't. She's got a boyfriend. And, truth be told, I'm not sure why I'm so obsessed with her, I barely even know her. Niles, listen, is it possible that this is just a case of transference? Niles: Oh, interesting. Uh, hmm... a matchmaker's not unlike a therapist. You confide in them, seek guidance. It's only natural you'd develop a little crush on her. Frasier: Yes, precisely! Now, how many times has a patient fallen for you? Niles: You first. Frasier: Oh, don't be such a baby. This is not a competition. Niles: Eleven. Frasier: Thirteen. You know, this is really a weight of my shoulders. It's just simple transference. Thank you, Niles. Niles: [rising] Yes, well, I'm glad to be of help. You know, when I said eleven earlier, actually I... Frasier: [laughing] Too late, Niles, off you go. Niles, fuming, leaves. Frasier: Well, that's a relief. Charlotte, the matchmaker, comes in. Charlotte: Frasier! Frasier: [rising] Charlotte. Hi, good to see you. Uh, I'd like you to meet, uh... Roz: Roz. Frasier: Yes, yes. Roz: Frasier's producer. Charlotte: Hi. [to Frasier] You know, that was fun last night. Frasier: Yes it was. We should do it again sometime. Charlotte: Oh, I'd love to. When I'm back in town. I'm going camping. Frasier: I didn't realize you were an outdoorswoman. Charlotte: I'm not. The last time I camped out it was for Van Halen tickets. But Frank loves it and I'll do anything once. Oh, would you mind watering my office plants while I'm away? Frasier: I'd be glad to. Charlotte: Oh, you're the best. She hands her keys over. Charlotte: Here. Thanks. Anyone need a refill? Frasier: No. Roz: No thanks. She goes to the counter and Frasier sits back down. Roz: "Transference," my ass. You've got it bad. Frasier: All right, what am I supposed to do? Roz: Fight for her. I mean, who is this Frank guy? Frasier: Oh, I don't know. Some kind of environmental activist. Roz: That's your competition? Some tree-hugging geek? Come on, you're one of the most eligible bachelors in town - in your age range. Frasier takes note of her qualifier. A young, rugged man comes in and looks around. Frank: Charlotte. Charlotte: Hi, honey. She carries their coffees over and kisses him. Roz: You're screwed. Charlotte: Frank, this is Frasier, the one I was telling you about. Frasier rises and shakes his hand. Frasier: Hi. Frank: Hi, how are you? Frasier: Good, thank you. Charlotte: And his producer, Roz. Roz: Hi. Frank: Hello. Frasier: So, I understand you're going camping. Frank: Yeah. I raised some eagle hatchlings when their mother was killed by a hunter and now we're going to go release them in the wild. Roz: How can you tell when it's time? Charlotte: Well, one of them ate his landlord's cat. Roz: Oh. Frasier: You know, if they're still hungry, my dad has a dog. Charlotte laughs. Frank: Hey, you're funny. You know, I know a lady who'd love your sense of humor. She's a ranger up at Mount Raineer. She comes down every couple of months for supplies if you'd like to meet her. Frasier: Well, uh, thanks but, you know, I haven't had much luck with the women of the Parks Department. Charlotte laughs again. FADE OUT. End of Act 1 Act 2 THE SINGLES SCENE Scene 1 - A Bar Frasier and Roz walk in. He pauses. Frasier: Wow, Roz, did you feel that? The entire room changed when we walked in. It's like animals in the wild sensing a predator had arrived. Roz: Good, I like that you're confident. Frasier: No, I was talking about you. They walk over to the bar, Frasier sits on a stool. Roz: Okay, now look, this is the drill: I brought you here to get your mind off of Charlotte. Everyone's here for the same reason, so just pick someone and be yourself. Frasier: Okay. What name should I use? A woman, Kim, comes up to the bar. Kim: Excuse me, another cosmo, please. Roz: Buy that drink. Frasier: Right, faint heart never won fair... Roz: Buy the drink! Frasier: Right. Barkeep, uh, that one's on me. [to the woman] If you don't mind. Kim: Mind? Why do you think I said it so loud? Frasier: [to Roz] What do I do now? Roz: Just don't be so nervous. And don't worry, I won't leave you until you make a connection. A young man comes up to Roz. Man: Hi. Roz: Or I do. She hurries off with the man as the woman turns to Frasier. Frasier: Uh, hi. I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. Kim: Kim. So, you're a doctor? Frasier: Yes, I am. I have a small practice here in town and... Kim: Do you do collagen? Because I could barter frequent flyer miles. Frasier: No, I'm not that kind of doctor. I'm a psychiatrist. Kim: Oh, you've probably got me figured out already. Frasier: Oh, no. I haven't even got you on the couch yet. Kim: Oh, my God! Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry. That was too aggressive. Kim: No, no, I had a fortune cookie this morning that said I was going to meet a doctor. I was afraid I was sick. Frasier: Well, you look awfully healthy to me. Kim: Oh, my God! Frasier: Dear God, too aggressive again? I'm so sorry. Kim: No, no. I love this song. Come on, Dr. Frasier, loosen up. I'm sorry, what's your first name again? DISSOLVE TO: Frasier and Kim at a table. A waiter is bringing them fresh drinks, but Frasier hasn't finished his last one. Kim: The first few months I was a wreck. We were engaged. At least, I was. But now, I know I'm ready to move on. [suggestively] Really, really ready. Frasier: You know, it's kind of funny. I'm actually trying to get over someone myself, in a manner of speaking. Kim: And you thought she was the one, right? Frasier: Well, she may have been. I'm just trying to put her out of my mind, right now. I must say, you're proving to be a delightful distraction. Kim: Well, that's not the nicest thing anybody's ever called me in a bar, but it's not the worst. This is fun. But, I'm kinda thinkin' that I'd like to go someplace a little less... crowded. Frasier: Okay. Uh, well, thank you, I enjoyed our time together. Kim: No, I meant someplace... a little more private. Frasier: No, I understand completely. I take no offence. Kim: Your place. Frasier: Oh, yes, yes indeed. Well, should we go together to my place or...? Well, you must have your own car so I could give you directions or, well, we could drive together and then I could drive you back here or we could drive together and then you could get a cab back here... Kim puts her hand over his mouth. Kim: I don't care how we get there, let's just get there! Frasier smiles at this. FADE OUT. Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Frasier is at the dining table, pouring two glasses of wine. He adjusts the lighting and turns on the stereo as the doorbell rings. He "suavely" dances over to the end of the couch. Frasier: It's unlocked. Niles comes in with Daphne. Niles: It's unsafe! Frasier: Oh, dear God. He shuts off the stereo with the remote. Niles: Anyone could walk in. Frasier: What the hell are you two doing here? Niles: Well, we came to cheer you up with some late night fast food. He holds out a bag. Niles: If anything's gonna make you forget a woman, it's a big Double Juicy. Daphne: Please, take it. If you don't, he will. I've created a monster. He's already had two chimichangas and a You Ain't Nothin' But a Corndog. Frasier takes the bag to the kitchen. Niles: All for less than four dollars. Where has this food been all my life? Frasier comes back in. Frasier: On the end of a coroner's artery scraper! What the hell has happened to you? You've devoted your whole life to developing your standards, only to succumb to the fast, the cheap and the tasty. Kim walks in the front door. Kim: Sorry, I turned the wrong way coming out of the elevator. She notices Niles and Daphne. Kim: Oh, hello. Daphne and Niles slowly look back to Frasier. Frasier: Uh, Kim, this is my brother Niles and his wife Daphne. They were just leaving. Kim takes Daphne's hand. Kim: Charmed. Niles: Hello. Daphne: Nice to meet you. Niles: Well, I see I have my big Double Juicy and you have yours. Frasier: Yes, good night! Kim: Did somebody here have a chimichanga? Daphne: See, I told you. It's coming out of your pores. They leave. Kim takes off her jacket and looks around. Kim: Wow. Nice place. You really are a doctor. Frasier: Yes. Would you like the tour? Kim: I don't know. What do you want to show me? Frasier: I don't know. Uh, what do you want to see? Kim: What would you like me to see? Frasier: Whatever you came here to see. Kim: And what did I come here to see? Frasier: Is there and end to this? Because I'm starting to feel redundant on my part. Kim: Let's just have some fun She rips his shirt open. Frasier: You are delightfully single-minded. Would you care for some wine? Kim: Sounds great. Frasier gets the wine as Kim sits on the couch. Kim: We both had a rough time lately. How 'bout we go a little crazy tonight? Frasier: I like the sound of that. Kim: I've got a little outfit you might like. He hands her a glass of wine. Frasier: The littler it is, the more I like it! Kim: I love it when I say something and then you say something funny. Frasier: I tell you what, if you'd like to, you can change right in here. He shows her the powder room and she gets up and goes in. Frasier: And, maybe I'll whip up a little surprise of my own. Kim: Okay. She pinches his rear and laughs as he closes the door. He then rushes to the kitchen, taking off his shirt, as she talks to him through the door. Kim: When I met you tonight, I had no idea what a bad boy you were. Frasier: You know what bad boys need, don't you? Kim: A spanking, right? Martin comes in the front with Mrs. Lawrence and Ronee. Frasier: That, or a good tongue-lashing. Kim: [laughing] Hah, you did it again! Frasier comes in from the kitchen, a line of whipped cream down his chest, freezing when he sees the others. Kim comes out of the powder room in a slinky black negligee. Martin is shocked, Ronee is trying to contain her laughter. Betty: My goodness! Martin: What's goin' on? Frasier frantically puts his shirt back on. Frasier: I thought you were out for the evening. For God's sake... Martin: We came back for dessert. Ronee: Obviously you got a jump on us. Frasier: This is horrible. I'm so sorry. I met, uh... Kim: Kim. Frasier: Kim at a bar earlier this evening, and obviously we hit it off. Martin: All right, yeah, we get it. Uh, look, there's a little coffee shop on the corner, why don't we go there for desert? They file out, but Ronee turns back. Ronee: You may get away with this now, young man, but once I'm your mother... Frasier: Oh, get out! She closes the door behind her. [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier: I would say "Perhaps another time," but that outfit goes a long way towards recapturing the mood. Kim: Good. Now why don't you just relax and I'll go find some ice for our wines. She heads for the kitchen, oblivious to Frasier's pained look. He starts to sit down, but the doorbell rings. Frasier: Oh, good heavens! He answers the door to see Charlotte, looking disheveled in jeans and a flannel shirt. Frasier: Hello. Charlotte: I'm sorry to bother you, I just need my house keys. Frasier: I thought you were camping. Uh, come on in. Gosh, I'm sorry about the stench in the hall. Charlotte: That would be me. I had a little run-in with a skunk. I thought I could scare him off if I threw my keys at him. Frasier: Please, come on in. Charlotte: You really don't want me to. As it is now, I'm going to have to sell my car. What is all over your chest? Kim comes back from the kitchen. Kim: Frasier, I... hello. Charlotte: Okay, I got it. Frasier: Sorry, Charlotte, this is Kim. Kim, this is Charlotte. Kim: Boy, I've met more people in this apartment than I did at the bar. Charlotte: I really didn't mean to interrupt. If I could get my keys and use your powder room really fast. Frasier: Right, right. It's right here and I'll get those for you. She goes into the powder room and Frasier gets the keys. Frasier: Uh, Kim, I'm terribly sorry about this. I'm afraid it's just not going to work out for us tonight. Kim: She's the one, isn't she? Frasier: Yeah. Uh, listen, this has nothing to do with you, you know. I've had a lovely time this evening. Kim: Me too. Maybe it's just as well. I'm lactose intolerant. She heads for the door, then turns back to whisper to Frasier. Kim: Good luck. She leaves and Charlotte comes out. Frasier: Oh, your keys. Charlotte: Thanks. Where's your friend? Frasier: She left. Charlotte: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to spoil your night. Frasier: You didn't. Charlotte: Yes, yes I did! I spoil everything. She flops down on the couch. Frasier: Now, don't go there. Charlotte: But it's true! Frasier: No, I mean, don't go there. He pulls her away from the couch and gestures to Martin's chair. Frasier: Sit over there, you'll be more comfortable. Charlotte: I spoiled your evening. I spoiled my clothes, I spoiled my whole relationship. Frasier: Oh? Charlotte: Frank and I had a huge fight. He was getting impatient with me because, excuse me, I'm not exactly a pioneer woman and I started snapping back and the whole thing went downhill from there. Frasier: I'm sure it wasn't as bad as all that. Charlotte: I dropped the cooler on one of the hatchlings. Frasier: [rising] You know, maybe you could use a little wine. Charlotte: [chuckles] I could. She gets up. Charlotte: But look at me, I can't stay in your house like this. Frasier: Okay, I'll tell you what: I have an eight-jet whirlpool bath that you are free to revive yourself in... Charlotte's face shows that this is a gift from heaven. Frasier: ...and I can get cleaned up and make us some snacks, all right? And you know, actually, I have an endangered condor pat that I've been saving for just such an occasion. Charlotte: That's not funny. But she still laughs as he leads her off. FADE OUT. CATCH ME A CATCH Scene 3 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Charlotte is in a robe on the couch, Frasier next to her pouring the wine. Frasier: More wine? Charlotte: Thanks. This is my idea of camping. Frasier: You know, I'm not much of an outdoor man myself. In college I got lost on a nature hike. After screaming for forty-five minutes, I was finally rescued by a Brownie troop. I still know some of their songs. Charlotte: I still can't believe I haven't found the right woman for you yet. Frasier: Well, there's no rush. I'm enjoying the search. Charlotte: You're so sweet. Frasier: You're sweet yourself. He puts down his glass. Frasier: Charlotte, I hope you won't think this is too forward of me, but, a promising relationship doesn't come along very often and when it does, it's worth sticking your neck out for. What I'm saying is... Martin and the Lawrence women come in the front. Martin sees Charlotte and lets out an exasperated noise. Betty: Good lord, he's with another one! Frasier: For heaven's sake! Martin: What are you doin' to me, boy?! Charlotte gets up. Charlotte: Maybe I'll just get those sweats you offered and get out of here. Betty: All right, Veronica, we've had dessert, we've dropped him off, can we go now? Ronee: No. Betty: I don't want to spend another moment in this house! Ronee: Well, fine, then you go, but I'm staying here with Marty. Martin: Oh, sure, okay, Ronee, I'll just make up the couch for you. Ronee: Just drop it, Marty. Yes, Mother, we are sleeping together. And he's not the first. Or the second. In fact, I'm well into double digits now. Martin: Okay, we got the picture! Ronee: Look, I'm sorry, I know you're upset, but I just can't live a lie anymore. For God's sake, I'm in my forties. Betty: What are you talking about? You haven't been in your forties... Ronee: All right! I'll see you in the morning. She pushes her mother out and shuts the door, then turns back to Frasier. [N.B. Wendie Malick - and presumably Ronee also - is fifty-four.] Ronee: Well, if you're a good boy, maybe you'll get to spend the summer with your grandma. She heads off to the bedrooms, passing Charlotte on the way. Martin takes the dessert box to the kitchen. Charlotte: Thanks for the sweats. And about before: I think I know what you were trying to say. Frasier: You do? Charlotte: Yes. A promising relationship is worth fighting for. So I called Frank and apologized and he's on his way home. Thank you for being there for me tonight. She kisses him on the cheek. Charlotte: You are such a good friend. She opens the door. Charlotte: So I'll see you Monday? Maybe we can get some coffee? Frasier: Right. She leaves. Martin comes in from the kitchen with a plate. Martin: I brought a little dessert back. I don't suppose there's any whipped cream left. Frasier: Sorry, no. He settles on the couch and puts a hand to his head as Martin sits down. Martin: You all right? Frasier: No. Martin: Want to talk about it? He makes a face. Martin: Whew! I gotta get this chair cleaned! Frasier: She doesn't want me, she wants somebody else. I don't have a chance. Martin: Oh, I'm sorry. [then] That's the second one, right? Frasier: Yeah. Martin: So, what are you gonna do? Frasier: Well, that's a good question: What am I gonna do? I suppose I could pine over her for the next several weeks, make myself more miserable every day. Or I could do the sensible thing and just let her go. [rising] Excuse me. He grabs the cordless phone and dials, pacing. Frasier: Hi, Charlotte, it's Frasier. About coffee on Monday? Let's just forget that. How 'bout lunch instead? He looks as if he can't believe he said this, but Martin gives him a smile and a wink of approval. FADE OUT. [SCENE_BREAK] Niles is showing Frasier curly fries. Frasier takes one and eats it. Shrugging agreeably, he starts to take another, but Niles pulls the box away. While he admonishes Frasier about being greedy, Eddie runs over and nabs some. Frasier settles back in his chair as Niles gleefully eats another fry, only to find a hair on it.

Martin is soon to meet Ronee's mother again, and given that she is opposed to pre-marital sex , they have to pretend that they are not practising it. Frasier is distracted constantly by thoughts of Charlotte, the matchmaking agent with whom he had dinner the other night, and who is already in a relationship. Niles agrees with him that his feelings could be transference , but after seeing Frasier when he talks to Charlotte, Roz dismisses that theory instantly. She decides to help Frasier out by taking him to a bar, where he meets a flirtatious woman called Kim ( Jennifer Tilly ). They both go back to his place, but receive several interruptions, the last of which is by Charlotte, who has just had an argument with her boyfriend and wished to be consoled by Frasier. Meanwhile, Niles has developed an uncharacteristic taste for fast food , and it is driving Daphne to distraction.

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"The Critic in the Cabernet" [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER (Open: Bedford Creek Vineyard, Aging Cellar- Several people stand around a wine cask sampling wine.) SEAN MORTENSON: Now this cab is young, so limited finish, of course, but still has a nice depth. DR. LES GRANGER: I can taste cherries, a bit of ginger... KIM MORTENSON: Plums and cassis. RACHEL GRANGER: And a hint of dark chocolate. Lovely. BRUCE HANOVER: In another five years, it's going to be an exceptional wine. SEAN MORTENSON: Yes, Bruce is a magician with my grapes. Of course, he convinced me to sink a mint into the vineyard over the last two years alone. But, money well spent. DR. LES GRANGER: You're going to make Virginia the next California, Sean. SEAN MORTENSON: Doc, wait until you taste the '97. Gotta be the best year we've ever had at Bedford Creek. Wouldn't you say, Bruce? BRUCE HANOVER: Perfect balance of sun and rain, limestone and gravel. It was a year one dreams about. Now, some sediment is normal, especially in such a big wine. (Bruce pours several glasses of wine and passes them out. They toast and begin to drink. They make faces and gagging sounds and spit it out.) SEAN MORTENSON: What the hell is going on, Bruce? BRUCE HANOVER: I don't know, sir. RACHEL GRANGER: Something's in my glass. (Her husband reaches into her glass and pulls out a purple object.) DR. LESS GRANGER: My God, that's a human finger! (Rachel screams and drops her glass which shatters on the ground. The other guests make similar gestures .) (Cut to: Dr. Lance Sweets' office at the FBI building. He's having a session with Booth and Brennan.) SWEETS: (He opens the blinds on his office window and walks back to sit down in his chair.) It's quite simple. Whatever Agent Booth says, you respond with whatever word or phrase pops into your head. And vice versa. BRENNAN: Well that's ridiculous. I can't properly respond without careful thought. BOOTH: Can't we just make it a drinking game? SWEETS: No. This is a valuable, psychological tool, Agent Booth. When you respond viscerally we can get to the root of your emotional issues and figure out what binds you two together as partners. BOOTH: Donuts. SWEETS: Beg your pardon? BOOTH: Donuts. Glazed donuts. I see 'em right there. BRENNAN: Because you had no breakfast. You're hungry. BOOTH: I'm starving. BRENNAN: Yeah. SWEETS: No, that's not the proper response. BRENNAN: Of course it is, I'm explaining why he said "donuts". SWEETS: The point of the exercise is not to explain, but to respond. Okay? Children can do this. BRENNAN: Because it's childish. SWEETS: Can we just try it, please? BOOTH: All right, okay, fine, here we go. Are you ready? Hunger. BRENNAN: s*x. BOOTH: Whoa. BRENNAN: Horse. BOOTH: Cowboy. BRENNAN: Child. BOOTH: Baby. BRENNAN: Booth. BOOTH: What, what do you think I'm a baby? BRENNAN: You're a father. BOOTH: Oh. Mother. BRENNAN: Birth. BOOTH: Happy. BRENNAN: Sperm. BOOTH: Sperm? Isn't this getting a little weird? SWEETS: No, keep going. BOOTH: Okay. Egg. BRENNAN: I want a baby. BOOTH: Whoa. BRENNAN: Horse. BOOTH: Wait. Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. SWEETS: Yeah, we can stop here. BRENNAN: I actually found that quite interesting. BOOTH: You want to have a baby? BRENNAN: Yes, I do. I just-I just realized it. I should have a progeny. It's selfish of me not to. BOOTH: Selfish? BRENNAN: Yes. BOOTH: Don't you need a, you know, guy to... BRENNAN: Just sperm. You'd be a very good donor, potentially. BOOTH: Me? BRENNAN: But you need to be tested, of course. (Booth's cell phone starts ringing.) What, is something wrong? BOOTH: Yeah. Okay. You don't just go around asking for people's sperm. (He answers the phone and talks into it.) Yeah? No, I wasn't talking to you. Uh, right. Yeah, okay. On our way. (To Brennan.) We got a case. BRENNAN: Okay. (She and Booth get up and head for the door.) SWEETS: Uh, wait. Perhaps we should discuss this. BRENNAN: I'm not conflicted if that's what you're concerned about. I've made a reasonable choice. BOOTH: In two seconds over some stupid game. SWEETS: This is a well researched, therapeutic technique, Agent Booth. BOOTH: Oh, really? This happens all the time-patients asking for sperm? SWEETS: Yeah-no, well not this specifically. Which is why I think some discussion is in order. BRENNAN: Shouldn't we go? Don't we have a case? BOOTH: Yeah. You're right. We gotta get going. Right. (Points at Sweets.) This is all your fault. SWEETS: Okay, I know this was surprising, but... (Booth slams the door in his face.) (Cut to: Bedford Creek Winery; Aging Room. Booth and Brennan are walking toward the cask with the human remains in it.) BRENNAN: You're the one who's always touting parenthood, implying that my life is incomplete because I don't have a child. BOOTH: I know, but this is kind of sudden. BRENNAN: Hmm, perhaps you don't want to help me. BOOTH: Of course I do. BRENNAN: So you'll do it? BOOTH: I'll think about it. BRENNAN: What? I don't understand. It's a simple request. I'm sure you engage in masturba... BOOTH: Whoa. BRENNAN: Horse. BOOTH: Enough. Okay, we'll talk about it later. BRENNAN: Well, I'm not asking for you to be involved. All I want is your sperm. BOOTH: (Bursts out laughing, obviously a fake laugh.) That's a good one. "All I want is your sperm." (He puts his arm around Brennan and aims his laughter at the forensic tech.) I've never heard that joke before. BRENNAN: I don't understand. BOOTH: Yeah, okay. All right. (To the FBI forensic tech Marcus Geier) Just close your mouth and point us to the body, okay? MARCUS: The barrel's over here. (They approach the barrel which is having the lid removed to reveal a very goopy, very purple mass with a few discernable human bones floating in it.) BOOTH: Whoa. SEAN MORTENSON: Dr. Granger said it was a human bone, but... that's impossible. This may be an animal, a rat. That could happen, right? BOOTH: And you are? MORTENSON: Uh, Sean Mortenson. This is my winery. And this is Bruce Hanover, my viticulturalist. BRENNAN: The remains are human. HANOVER: The cask has been sealed since 1997. I did it myself. BRENNAN: The seal must have been broken when the body was thrown in here. Exposure to air turned the wine to vinegar. BOOTH: Looks like a purple smurf. BRENNAN: Pelvic bone indicates a male. (She bends the bone back and forth, like rubber.) BOOTH: More like a rubber purple smurf. BRENNAN: Bones in vinegar leech calcium and will become gelatinous within three days. BOOTH: That is actually cool. BRENNAN: This cask is filled with debris, decomposed tissue and organs. It all has to come back to the lab. (Brennan pulls the skull out and Hanover gags. She and Booth look at each other.) MORTENSON: Oh, God. ACT ONE (Open: Medico-Legal Lab platform. Camile Saroyan, Jack Hodgins, Brennan and Intern Colin Fisher are examining the gelatinous remains.) CAM: Liquefactions suggests he's been there at least eight months. BRENNAN: Scapula, clavicle. CAM: Fat globule. FISHER: We're all just one step away from dissolving into the primordial ooze. Manubrium and ilium. CAM: Rendered brain matter. HODGINS: You got a sock, a belt. BRENNAN: Molar, lateral incisor and... canine. CAM: And this is just goo. HODGINS: Okay, I got a grommet, three nickels, and I am guessing a chocolate kiss. CAM: Bingo! A chunk of liver, enough for a tox screen. FISHER: My guess-you'll find a high alcohol content. BRENNAN: Tibia. I've decided to have a baby. (Everyone turns to stare at her in shock.) Capitulum. CAM: Wait. Baby, like a small human? BRENNAN: Yes. I know I've had no interest in the past. But neither did you and you seem to find parenthood very fulfilling. CAM: Uh, yes. I do. And you brought this up now... why? BRENNAN: Well, I wanted to give you notice. I'll be needing some time off when the baby comes. About six weeks I imagine. The staining makes it very difficult to see any anomalies on the bones. HODGINS: Is there a father? BRENNAN: Well, I'd like to use Booth's sperm. CAM: Booth. Whadda ya know? FISHER: If Booth doesn't work out, I donate my sperm monthly. I have a high IQ, excellent genetics, and motility. No emotional baggage. I'm kind of a catch. HODGINS: Okay. Down boy. CAM: Weren't we investigating a death? (Angela approaches the exam table.) ANGELA: Oh, my God. HODGINS: Dr. Brennan wants to have a baby. FISHER: I offered my sperm, but she's leaning more toward Agent Booth. ANGELA: You're joking, right? BRENNAN: Booth and I discussed it in Sweets' office. He's thinking it over now. Although, I don't understand why he'd be protective of his semen. (Angela, Cam and Hodgins look at each other in disbelief.) BRENNAN: There are six evenly-spaced cavities along the sides of the frontal and parietal bones. (To Hodgins.) Hand me that grommet you found. HODGINS: Uh. FISHER: (Whispers.) Grommet. HODGINS: The grommet. Yes. Right. Mm-hmm. There you go. (He hands the pitri dish to Cam who hands it to Brennan.) BRENNAN: Thank you. FISHER: I could get you my little swimmers at a substantial savings. ANGELA: Uh, Fisher, just scoop please. FISHER: Sure. BRENNAN: (Sets the grommet in a divet in the skull.) He had a craniofacial implant. CAM: The way they're spaced, they're positioned to secure a prosthetic hairpiece. Those are not very common. FISHER: I'll strain for the rug. BRENNAN: If there's a missing persons report on the victim, it would definitely mention a surgical hairpiece. You can also replace the teeth in the mandible and confirm with dentals. ANGELA: Bren... (Brennan exits. Angela turns to the others.) ANGELA: We heard right, didn't we? HODGINS: A baby. Yeah. CAM: With Booth. (Cut to: Brennan's office. Angela enters.) ANGELA: Brennan? BRENNAN: There's a fracture on the zygomatic. Probably from a blow to the face. ANGELA: The guy is pickled, Sweetie. He can wait. You can't just announce you're having a baby and walk away. BRENNAN: 15,000 babies are born every hour. It's not all that exceptional, Angela. ANGELA: Brennan... this is crazy. BRENNAN: Why? I'm intellectually gifted, financially secure. Statistically I could expect to have an exceptional child. ANGELA: Fine. Yes. Absolutely. But you do know how this is supposed to work, right? You get naked together. You devour each other in a passionate frenzy. BRENNAN: Booth would think that would create an emotional bond between us. ANGELA: Of course that's ridiculous. BRENNAN: I knew you'd understand. ANGELA: Then why use Booth at all? Why don't you use Fisher and his discount sperm? BRENNAN: No, Booth has a larger mandible and a more prominent zygomatic than Fisher, as well as a more pronounced ratio between the width of his clavicles and his ilia. ANGELA: So, it's because Booth is hot. Now we're getting somewhere. BRENNAN: Statistically, attractive people are more successful. I'm only thinking of the child, Angela. ANGELA: Then do this right, sweetie. BRENNAN: I am. Emotional ties are ephemeral and undependable. Look at you and Hodgins. You and Roxy. Booth and Rebecca. Booth and Cam. ANGELA: Brennan, I... BRENNAN: I appreciate your concern, but I have thought this through rationally. This fracture hasn't fully remodeled. It occurred within a month of death. Possibly from an attack. (Cut to: FBI Building; Booth's Office. Cam and Booth are talking and walking into the office.) CAM: The victim is Spencer Holt. Missing almost a year. He was a wine critic. Apparently he could destroy a vineyard with one review. BOOTH: Everyone likes a dead critic. I mean there's-we're going to have a lot of suspects. So, why are you here and why didn't you just send an e-mail? CAM: You and Brennan, you're going to have a baby? BOOTH: She told you. CAM: She told everyone. It's probably on the news by now. BOOTH: I'm just donating. CAM: So you decided? BOOTH: No, no. I am deciding. I-N-G, ing. CAM: I know you, Seeley. You're going to do it. You want to do it without really doing it. But it's still doing it even if you're not doing it the way it should be done. BOOTH: She wants a kid, okay? It'll make her more personable with people. CAM: And what will it do for you? BOOTH: She'll get what she wanted. CAM: A piece of you? BOOTH: Oh, look at this. Okay, Holt's wife filed for a missing persons report. Now, I have to go tell her the bad news. CAM: Sure. BOOTH: You done? CAM: Yes. BOOTH: Thank you. (Cut to: Booth and Brennan driving in the SUV.) BOOTH: So apparently, Holt's wife was pregnant when he disappeared. BRENNAN: So she's raising the child alone? BOOTH: I guess so. BRENNAN: You know, and no one thinks twice about that. There are millions of single women raising healthy, productive children. (Looks down at the file in her lap.) There was a domestic disturbance report filed a month before he disappeared. BOOTH: Uh, you know, if we go, uh, through with this, and I'm around, and if you need help... BRENNAN: Well, I'll have a nanny. BOOTH: I-I figured. But, you know, if it's her day off. BRENNAN: You don't have faith that I can do it? BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: You think I'd be a good mother, don't you? BOOTH: Yeah, of course. BRENNAN: I know sometimes you don't think I'm empathetic. And it can be difficult for me sometimes. But I would love my child, Booth, I would. BOOTH: I know. I-I know that, Bones. BRENNAN: I know people disapprove. If you're uncomfortable, Fisher sells his sperm monthly, he's very intelligent and... BOOTH: Oh, Fisher? Fi-Oh, no, you are not having Fisher's kids. You'd be giving birth to the spawn of Satan, okay? I'll do it. BRENNAN: No obligation. I don't want you to feel any obligation. BOOTH: I'll do it. Don't worry about it, okay? It's your kid, it's totally yours. BRENNAN: Not worried about it. BOOTH: I'm just saying I'll do it. ACT TWO (Open: Jenny Holt's house. Jenny is working on a playset and her daughter is sitting in a baby seat. Booth and Brennan are questioning her.) JENNY: You hold out hope, but in my heart, I've known for months. What happened? BOOTH: Well, we don't' know yet; we're still investigating. BRENNAN: He was found at Bedford Creek winery. JENNY: At Bedford Creek? BOOTH: You been there? JENNY: I'm the wife of a wine critic. I've had to sit through tastings at half the places in the country. I don't even like wine. (The baby starts to fuss.) Oh, God. I'm all covered. BRENNAN: I'll get her. BOOTH: Bones. JENNY: Spencer always wanted me to give up my carpentry business. Said I smelled of stain. Ruined the bouquet when he was tasting the wine. BOOTH: Bones, you need help? BRENNAN: No, no, I'm fine. BOOTH: You gotta help with the... BRENNAN: (Swings the baby back and forth in her arms.) You like spatial disorientation, don't you? Yes, you do. JENNY: She likes you. All Spencer could ever talk about was having a little girl. He would've made a good father. (Jenny wipes her hands and takes her daughter from Brennan.) BRENNAN: Your husband also exhibited a facial fracture that hadn't fully remodeled. JENNY: Yes. He tried to break up a fight at the wine expo. Mortenson was going after Charles Dunwood. BOOTH: Mortenson from Bedford Creek? JENNY: He's a real b*st*rd. BOOTH: He and your husband didn't get along? JENNY: No, Mortenson loved him. Spencer gave his cabernet a 99. No one gets that. It was Charlie Dunwood Mortenson hated. Because Charlie made a cheap wine next door and he wouldn't sell out to Mortenson. BRENNAN: And you saw this fight? JENNY: No. They all deny it, of course. But Spencer told me about it. BOOTH: There was a domestic disturbance report filed approximately one month before your husband disappeared. Can you explain that? JENNY: Our neighbor heard us arguing. That's all. She called the police. BRENNAN: The report says it was more than an argument, Mrs. Holt. JENNY: I threw some dishes. But not at Spencer. It was just the pregnancy hormones, you know? I would ever hurt Spencer. (Cut to: Booth and Brennan driving in the SUV) BRENNAN: You don't believe the victim's wife? BOOTH: I just think that we should check with this guy Dunwood. He might have a different story. BRENNAN: What about the owner of Bedford Creek Winery? BOOTH: Mortenson is rich. If he's involved, you don't want to spook him or he's just gonna hire an army full of lawyers to come make our lives miserable. BRENNAN: Would you like legal protection? BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: With the child, so you feel secure that I won't be asking for money or support. BOOTH: No, I-I don't need legal protection. BRENNAN: But if you do... BOOTH: I don't. BRENNAN: Okay. I've made an appointment for you at the fertility clinic. They will check your semen for motility, morphology, sperm count. BOOTH: My boys can swim, alright? I have a child, do you remember? BRENNAN: This isn't personal. I-I'd be remiss if I didn't look at an analysis of your semen. It's a very simple process. You just go to the clinic, give a sample. It takes five minutes. They have pornography, if you need stimulus. BOOTH: I get it. BRENNAN: Okay. BOOTH: You really liked holding that kid, didn't you? BRENNAN: Yeah. I've been thinking about how exciting it will be to expose my own child to early pattern recognition. BOOTH: You know, they like singing and, uh, when you make funny faces at them, too. BRENNAN: Yeah, of course. I will make a diverse schedule. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab. Hodgins and Fisher are straining the goop for evidence.) HODGINS: You know when it doesn't contain human remains, Bedford Creek makes an excellent cab. It's very full-bodied. It's like an Australian Shiraz. FISHER: I only drink diet soda. I'm hoping the preservatives can add some stability to my life. HODGINS: (Pulls something out of the goop.) Here's a little pocket knife. And some glass fragments embedded in the fabric from his shirt. FISHER: There's some scraping on the anterior of this rib. I got a gouge on the third rib and one here on the sternum. HODGINS: You think he was stabbed? FISHER: I can't tell from the incised edges, because the bones are soft and completely stained from soaking in the wine. HODGINS: Man, I can barely get wine stains out of my shirt, let alone a skeleton. FISHER: But your shirt isn't composed of calcium. Oh, my God. I can clean them. This is weird. Something good is happening. HODGINS: Take a deep breath; I'm sure it'll pass. FISHER: The approximate weight of the bones is 12.43 kilograms. I'm gonna need 781 boxes of denture cleaner. (Cut to: FBI Building; Booth's Office. Brennan is sitting next to Charlie Dunwood. Booth is sitting at his desk.) DUNWOOD: Ah, shame about Holt. He was a good guy. One of the only critics who didn't dump on my wine. BRENNAN: But your wine sells for three dollars a bottle. DUNWOOD: That's right, yeah. In a bottle or a box. It's a good honest drink. BOOTH: It's good. BRENNAN: I didn't know you knew anything about wine. Booth: It's good stuff. It's like the beer of wine. DUNWOOD: Holt got that. He knew I wasn't trying to be more. BOOTH: Holt's wife said that, um, he had to break up a fight between you and Mortenson from Bedford Creek Winery. DUNWOOD: Yeah. Yeah, it was at the wine expo, in the parking lot. I told Holt to stay out of it. I shoved Mortenson, all right? The guy was in my face. Holt got in the middle, right when Mortenson was taking a swing, so he took the hit. Mortenson walked out. Just left him. BOOTH: What was the fight about? DUNWOOD: My vineyard is next door to his, and uh, he thinks I'm an embarrassment. He wants to buy me out. He threatened some bogus lawsuits. My family's been working those fields since 1928. This is my life. BRENNAN: So you had no issue with Mr. Holt? DUNWOOD: Hell, no. You know, if he were alive, I'd pat him on the back. BOOTH: For what? DUNWOOD: For taking that b*st*rd Mortenson down a peg. BOOTH: Yeah, but he loves Bedford Creek wine. DUNWOOD: Yeah. But I heard he loves sleeping with Mortenson's wife even more. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab. Cam, Hodgins and Fisher are standing around a large tank with the bones submerged in water. Fisher dumps buckets of denture cleaner into the water and it fizzes.) CAM: Is that what I think it is? HODGINS: Were you thinking sodium perborate and potassium monpersulfate? CAM: Actually, I was thinking Nana Shirley's teeth. FISHER: More like 781 sets of Nana Shirley's teeth. HODGINS: Fisher says this will remove the staining from the bones. FISHER: Could. I said could. There is no certainty but death and the incomprehensible conundrum that is life. CAM: Fisher, have you ever just taken a moment to forget yourself? Watch, like, the Three Stooges and just laugh? FISHER: Yeah, I never found humor in grown men giving each other concussions with construction equipment. CAM: (Turns to Hodgins.) I tried. Tox screen on the remnants of the liver was inconclusive. HODGINS: Yeah, the vinegar will obscure just about everything. CAM: But I did find some inorganic agents mixed in with the liquefied tissue. Might help us find cause of death. FISHER: I think I found stab wounds on the ribs and sternum. We'll know more if we can clean the stains. ACT THREE (Open: Medical Dental Office. Booth has gone to give his semen sample at the clinic. A nurse is instructing him on the correct procedure.) NURSE: It's quite simple. You just ejaculate into the cup. (She and Booth step into a small room.) Here we go, Mr. Booth. You look a little flushed, are you okay? BOOTH: Sure. Yeah, I'm fine. NURSE: Sometimes men can feel awkward. Knowing people out there know what you're doing in here. BOOTH: Thanks for that. NURSE: You know what to do? BOOTH: You're kidding, right? NURSE: Okay. There are magazines and videos, if you need them. Enjoy. (Nurse closes the door to the room and Booth looks around, then turns to lock the door when the television suddenly comes on. Stewie from the Family Guy is talking to Booth.) STEWIE: Why are you here at the bank, Booth? BOOTH: (Surprised, he whirls around.) Ahhh. STEWIE: You've got a hot doctor friend. Go to her and make a direct deposit like a man. BOOTH: (He goes to the television punches the power button off, the screen goes black. He turns away from the television.) That's impossible. STEWIE: (The television magically comes back on.) And yet we converse. BOOTH: (Again, surprised.) Oohh. STEWIE: Ooo, look. A pile of p0rn. Delicious. Give me a peek, Booth. Mmm? Just a little peek at a booby? Please? (Booth unplugs the television and the screen goes black again.) STEWIE: What's the problem? You're threatened by a cute, harmless baby? Grow a set! You do want her to have your baby, don't you? BOOTH: Of course I do, it's just, I want her to have a baby because it's what she wants. STEWIE: And you could just walk away like a heartless cad while she changes poo all by her lonesome? BOOTH: (Raising his voice.) It's what she wants! NURSE: (Knocks and speaks from the other side of the door.) Are you okay in there, Mr. Booth? BOOTH: Uh, I'm fine. (Grabs some DVDs and holds them up, turning around.) Just, uh, fine, thank you. (Back to Stewie.) Listen, could you just go away now, okay? I don't need your help. STEWIE: You know, you're not a bad looking fellow, and if you'd just keep an open mind... BOOTH: Go back to cartoon land, wherever you came from. Leave! STEWIE: You sure? I'm good at pretend games. BOOTH: (Uses the remote control to turn the television off and the screen goes black once more. Booth stares at it for a moment before shaking his head.) That wasn't possible. (Cut to: FBI Building, Booth's office. Booth is sitting in his chair, tapping himself in the forehead when Sweets walks in.) SWEETS: Agent Booth. BOOTH: (Gets up and walks toward his desk.) Sweets, hey! SWEETS: How you doing? BOOTH: I'm fine, great. Turns out that, uh, the victim might have been sleeping with Mortenson's wife, huh? Jealousy, always a good motive. SWEETS: Yeah, that's good. But right now, I'm more interested in whether you decided to inseminate Dr. Brennan. BOOTH: God, you know. Don't say it like that. SWEETS: I'm sorry. I'm interested in whether you decided to provide your semen for her fertilization. BOOTH: Saying it like that is worse. (Starts pacing restlessly.) SWEETS: Okay, well, I could go with "baby daddy" but that just seems even more... BOOTH: I'm gonna do it. Hey, I've already made the deposit. That's right. Apparently, I am a god. That's right. Motile sperm count: 28.8 million. I could start my own country. (Spins and points to his globe.) SWEETS: Okay, then. Well, I'm sure you'll be going through a lot of emotional changes because of this, so if you need to talk... BOOTH: Thank you, but um, it's her baby, so it's gonna be her life that's turned upside-down, not mine. SWEETS: So you're not at all stressed by this? BOOTH: Sweets, I'm an FBI agent, okay? And a former sniper. This is not a life or death situation, you understand? SWEETS: Yeah, sure. Well, if you need anything, I'm available. BOOTH: I don't need anything, okay? I am just doing what, you know, anyone else would in this situation, right? (Picks up a football and tosses it to Sweets, then sits down on his cabinet and sighs.) SWEETS: Like, what? BOOTH: Just... I got a little, you know, anxious at the clinic. SWEETS: Anxious? BOOTH: Anxious. Don't get all shrinky on me. SWEETS: No, no. Uh, what kind of symptoms? Shortness of breath, lightheaded? BOOTH: It's normal, right? SWEETS: Absolutely. Sometimes donors can feel an emotional attachment, even if they don't know the recipient. But in this case, since you and Dr. Brennan are... BOOTH: It's normal to imagine things? SWEETS: Well, not pink elephants, but... BOOTH: No, no, no, of course not. Like, um, baby things. SWEETS: It'd be odd if you didn't. BOOTH: Ha! It'd be odd if I didn't. You're my guy. That's all I needed to hear. Thanks, Sweets. Thanks, uh, I gotta go, you know, take care of somebody. (He leaves Sweets standing in his office.) SWEETS: No problem. Anytime. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab; Exam Room. Brennan and Fisher are looking at the clean white bones.) BRENNAN: There are tiny fractures near the coronal sutures. We never would have noticed these before. The denture cleaner was an excellent idea, Mr. Fisher. FISHER: Now if I only possessed rudimentary social skills. BRENNAN: They aren't really necessary for your work. FISHER: I wish my parents were that understanding. You're gonna be a good mother. BRENNAN: I would imagine so. (Turns the rubbery skull over in her hands.) Evidence of hemorrhaging on the underside of the fractures. There was a perimortem blow to the head. (Her phone rings and she hands the skull to Fisher and pulls her gloves off, grabbing her phone from her pocket and answering it.) Brennan. (She listens for a few seconds.) Okay. Uh, Booth is waiting for me. Check the degree of hemorrhagic staining to see if it was cause of death. FISHER: If Booth is still reluctant... BRENNAN: No, he offered-28.8 million viable sperm in a mere three milliliters of ejactulate. (She leaves.) FISHER: As the feeling of inadequacy makes me shrivel. (Cut to: Bedford Creek Winery; Mortenson Home. Kim Mortenson, holding her infant son, leads Booth and Brennan into a parlor.) KIM: Spencer Holt was a big supporter of Bedford Creek wines. He was here for numerous tastings. BRENNAN: Your little boy is adorable. KIM: Oh, thank you. BRENNAN: (Holds her hands out to the baby.) Phalanges, dancing phalanges. BOOTH: Bones. BRENNAN: Right, sorry. So, you were sleeping with Spencer Holt, weren't you? BOOTH: Subtle. KIM: Sleeping with him? Of course not. Who told you that? BOOTH: Seems like your husband had, uh, quite the temper, huh? KIM: Charlie Dunwood, right? BRENNAN: (Looking at the baby.) That is not your husband's child. KIM: What? I think you should leave. BRENNAN: The bone markers bear a clear resemblance to Spencer Holt. BOOTH: They do? BRENNAN: Research shows that babies strongly resemble their fathers in the first year of life. The evolutionary theory being that they're less likely to be abandoned if the fathers recognize themselves in their offspring. KIM: What is she talking about? BOOTH: Oh, does that mean that your kid will look like me, at least for the first year? BRENNAN: There's a high statistical probability, yes. (Takes out her camera and takes a picture of the baby.) KIM: Excuse me. BRENNAN: I can compare these photos against Spencer Holt's remains. The maxilla and nasal aperture... KIM: Stop. My husband could come in any moment. BOOTH: So it's true? KIM: Sean and I tried. It's all about business with him, but I really wanted a child. Spencer understood, and one night after a little too much wine... I appreciate everything Sean does for me, but Spencer was, you know... BOOTH: Kind? KIM: I wish he had the chance to see his child. BRENNAN: So does his wife. BOOTH: Maybe your husband found out you were having an affair, and uh, he decided to get rid of Mr. Holt. Seems like the kind of guy who likes to get what he wants. KIM: Sean has a temper, but he would never hurt anyone. SEAN MORTENSON: (Enters, looking angry to find Booth and Brennan talking to his wife.) What the hell are you doing, Kim? BOOTH: We were just asking a few questions about Spencer Holt. SEAN: Uh huh. (To Kim.) You keep your mouth shut. (To Booth.) Now look, I told you everything when you found him, and we're not saying anything else without our attorneys present. Is that clear? (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab; Cam's Office. Cam and Angela are talking as Cam sits down at her desk.) ANGELA: I tried to talk to Brennan about that whole baby thing. She won't listen to me. CAM: Neither will Booth. Guess all we can do is board up the windows and hope the levees hold. ANGELA: It's none of our business. CAM: Exactly right. ANGELA: Oh, that kid is gonna be so cute, though. CAM: Please, we're gonna go nuts. ANGELA: I bought it a little onesy today. HODGINS: (Enters.) I got the results back on the inorganic goo. (Puts the file on Cam's desk and picks up a remote for the computer.) Contains calcium arsenates. CAM: Aresenic. HODGINS: Yeah, it was on his clothes and mixed in with the tissue. ANGELA: So, he was poisoned? CAM: This isn't a high enough concentration to kill him. HODGINS: Booth said Holt's wife worked with wood building playsets? Aresenic is used in stains and wood preservatives. It's tough to wash off. CAM: So Jenny Holt found out her husband was cheating on her, stabbed him, and left us a chemical fingerprint. (Cut to: FBI Building; Interrogation Room. Jenny Holt is sitting across the table from Booth.) JENNY: Spencer traveled a lot, visiting vineyards across the country and Europe, South America. That's why I waited to file the missing person's report. BOOTH: He was missing for ten days. You didn't even talk to him during that time? JENNY: We'd been having some trouble in our marriage, but we loved each other. BOOTH: You know he was having an affair with, uh, Kim Mortenson? JENNY: Yes, I knew about Kim, but we would have gotten past it. When the baby was born, we would have gotten closer, like we had been. BOOTH: Did you know he was the father of Kim's baby, too? JENNY: What? BOOTH: Yeah. JENNY: No, that's impossible. BOOTH: Knowing that he was having an affair is one thing, but knowing he fathered another child while you were pregnant-that would put anyone over the edge. JENNY: I didn't kill Spencer, I loved him. BOOTH: In your work, um, do you use stains or wood preservatives that contain arsenic? JENNY: There are traces, yes. BOOTH: Arsenic was found on his clothes, in his wounds in an amount that could easily have been transferred from the assailant during an attack. JENNY: Why would I leave my little girl without a father? Why would I do that to her? BOOTH: Where were you for the ten days he went missing? JENNY: That was months ago. I couldn't tell you. No one could. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab; Exam Room. Hodgins, Angela, Brennan and Fisher are still going over the bones. Hodgins is pointing to something on the screen.) HODGINS: All of the injuries to the ribs and sternum had silica embedded in them which matched all of the glass shards found in the wine cask and on Holt's clothes. BRENNAN: Yes, these injuries to the ribs and sternum-(turns to Angela) can you connect the impact points? ANGELA: Why, you think Holt's wife was making a design when she was attacking him? BRENNAN: There are three main impact points. What if they were a circular pattern? ANGELA: Okay, well, a circumference... (a 3D model on the screen shows the circular pattern on the bones) the circle is nine and a half inches. BRENNAN: What is the circumference of a wine bottle? HODGINS: My guess, nine and a half inches. ANGELA: Yeah, let's see. Yep, nine and a half inches. BRENNAN: Okay, get some Bedford Creek wine. See if the bottle was sufficient to cause these injuries and the hemorrhagic staining at the coronal suture. (They all leave the exam room, Hodgins and Fisher walk together.) FISHER: You know, a watermelon is the same density as the human head. HODGINS: Oh, I like the way you think, Fisher. (Cut to: FBI Building; Sweet's Office. Brennan and Booth are talking to Sweets.) BRENNAN: I have an appointment with a fertility specialist next week. I could be inseminated within a month. BOOTH: Really? BRENNAN: Mmhmm. SWEETS: You didn't tell Agent Booth? BRENNAN: I promised him he wouldn't have to be involved. BOOTH: Right, exactly. You see, 'cause we have a...an arrangement. BRENNAN: Well, I thought that these sessions were meant for you to see how we interact as partners. How does this relate? SWEETS: You're using Agent Booth to have a child. You don't see how that might relate to your partnership? BRENNAN: It has nothing to do with our work. SWEETS: Okay, um, let me just organize my thoughts here. BRENNAN: It's not like I'm going to be bringing the child along when we interrogate someone. BOOTH: Ah, but you might decide to breastfeed. It is healthier. BRENNAN: Oh, that's true. So, yes, there might be some crossover. I can see that now. I'm sorry, go on. SWEETS: I think you need to acknowledge that there are some emotional considerations that you might be denying. BRENNAN: Like what? SWEETS: There are sperm banks that guarantee high IQs and exceptional physical prowess, yet you specifically chose Agent Booth. Why? BRENNAN: He has traits like courage and compassion and empathy that would be tremendous assets to my child. Sperm banks don't catalog those traits. BOOTH: Did you just say something nice? BRENNAN: No, I gave an objective evaluation. BOOTH: Oh, because it sounded like you said something nice. BRENNAN: No. SWEETS: How can you two not see what is going on here? BOOTH: Sweets, what is the big deal? She was gonna have a baby anyway, I mean, with Fisher. Fisher, okay? What would you have done? SWEETS: Again, what I would have done is not important, but you, you admitted to feelings of anxiety. BOOTH: You know what, Sweets? You are crossing a line right there. BRENNAN: I agree. SWEETS: No, I'm not actually. In my position, I could make an evaluation that states that you two are not suited to work together because of interpersonal issues that are not being dealt with. BRENNAN: Ridiculous. BOOTH: Dreamer. SWEETS: So perhaps until our next session, maybe you should think about some of the things that I brought up today. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab; Exam Room. Fisher and Hodgins have watermelons lined up on a table.) HODGINS: Hmm, it's confirmed by the modeling. Yep, the shards of glass found in the cask have the same thatch design as the base of the Bedford Creek bottles. FISHER: So, we know the bottle was from Bedford Creek. Then we don't have to do the experiment. HODGINS: We have all the melons already, you know, and the bottles... FISHER: Confirmation would be beneficial. HODGINS: We'd be remiss if we didn't confirm. FISHER: Yeah. (They grin and pull their safety goggles down over their eyes.) HODGINS: Sorry, Mr. Holt. (Hodgins slams the bottle into the melon, which is completely smashed but leaves the bottle intact.) FISHER: That bottle was supposed to break. HODGINS: Yeah, otherwise, the injuries make no sense. You're sure a melon has the same density as a human head? FISHER: Would I waste our time? Give me that. (He reaches for the bottle and smashes it into another melon with the same result. He looks pretty happy.) I enjoyed that too much, didn't I? HODGINS: It's important to love your work. Maybe she hit him with the narrow end. (He grabs it back and turns it around and smashes it into the next melon with the same result.) FISHER: She was a carpenter, more strength. (He grabs it and brings it down into the melon with a primal yell just as Cam walks in wearing a pretty dress and looking nice. She ends up with smashed melon guts all over her.) (Fisher and Hodgins both look very apologetic and shocked as Cam begins to pick the melon off herself.) CAM: I was going out to dinner. HODGINS: Would you like a towel? CAM: Very much. HODGINS: (Hands Cam a towel.) The Bedford Creek bottles, they wouldn't have broken. FISHER: But it would have smashed his skull. CAM: But you said the design you found on the glass confirmed that it was a Bedford Creek bottle. HODGINS: Yeah, but... these bottles wouldn't have provided the injuries that we found. CAM: So... after all this, we have no weapon or cause of death? (Fisher and Hodgins look blank.) CAM: Okay. (She throws the towel at Hodgins and walks out.) FISHER: Whoops. ACT FOUR (Open: Medico-Legal Lab. Angela and Brennan are walking.) ANGELA: Did you ever think, what if Booth is the perfect father for your child? Not just his stuff, but him. What if you're throwing away the chance to have a family, a real family, because you're scared? BRENNAN: Scared? Why would I be scared? I've been to Rwanda, to Iraq... ANGELA: (She stops and turns to face Brennan.) Listen, you just said you wanted to do this alone because feelings are ephemeral. So is life, Brennan. We're here one minute, and then we're gone the next. You should know that better than anybody. If you keep living trying to protect yourself, nothing is ever gonna touch you. BRENNAN: Sweets said that it's not his job to tell somebody what they're feeling or how they should live their life. (She walks away.) ANGELA: Lucky thing I'm not a shrink. (They both walk to a station where Hodgins, Fisher and Cam are standing around a computer.) HODGINS: The bottles were counterfeits. BRENNAN: Counterfeit? HODGINS: Yep. Even though the design was the same, the glass found in the cask had a lower concentration of dolomite and magnesium dioxide than the real Bedford Creek bottles. FISHER: Someone's been counterfeiting Bedford Creek Cabernet. ANGELA: A bottle of Bedford Creek sells for over a hundred bucks. CAM: So if someone fills counterfeit bottles with cheap wine and ships out a couple thousand cases saying it's from Bedford Creek, they could make some serious money. HODGINS: Yeah, exactly. Now, I also found that the arsenic compound I thought was from the stain contains parathion. (He speaks to Brennan and she gets a look of understanding.) CAM: Okay, we don't know what that means. BRENNAN: It's an organophosphate used as an insecticide. HODGINS: The only vineyard in the area licensed to use it by the EPA is Dunwood Winery. BRENNAN: Charles Dunwood. (Cut to: FBI Building; Interrogation Room. Charles Dunwood is sitting at the table when Booth and Brennan walk in and sit down.) BOOTH: We found cases of this in your warehouse. (He is holding a bottle and shows it to Dunwood.) You were counterfeiting Bedford Creek wine. BRENNAN: You charged a hundred dollars for a three-dollar wine. BOOTH: The stupid wine snobs, they don't even know the difference. BRENNAN: But Holt did. He found out, didn't he? He was going to tell Mortenson. DUNWOOD: It was none of Holt's business. I told him to stay out of it. I need the money to fight Mortenson's bogus lawsuits. I wasn't gonna let that b*st*rd take my place. My family's been there for over 80 years. STEWIE: Is this man a complete dunce? (Stewie appears in the room next to Dunwood, sitting in his high chair. He waves at Booth.) BOOTH: Oh, God. BRENNAN: Booth, what is it? STEWIE: Why doesn't he just clam up and ask for a lawyer? (To Dunwood.) You sir, are a boob! BOOTH: (To Stewie.) Some people, they just feel remorse, and they want to set the record straight. STEWIE: Oh please! He makes wine a homeless person wouldn't cook with. He never felt remorse about that. BOOTH: Nobody asked you. BRENNAN: Booth, who are you talking to? DUNWOOD: What's going on? BOOTH: Nothing, just, um, go on. DUNWOOD: I followed him to Mortenson's. He had one of the bottles. And it was late and... STEWIE: And you cornered him in the wine cellar and beat him to death to shut him up. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We know. BOOTH: Will you shut up? Shut up! BRENNAN: Booth, who are you talking to? STEWIE: So, are you going to let her have this baby alone? BOOTH: I didn't say that. STEWIE: You are! You're going to abandon your child! Oh, night's deepest gloom washes over my tiny frame. BOOTH: No, no, I-I can't walk away. I never said that, okay? Do you understand? I can't walk away. This is my kid. If I can't be involved, I don't want her to have the baby! STEWIE: And the sun shines again! Good man, Boothie! DUNWOOD: What the hell's going on here? BRENNAN: (To Dunwood.) You shut up and don't move. (To Booth.) Booth, you're coming with me. (She grabs him by the arm and hauls him to his feet and to the door.) STEWIE: Hey, hey, wait! Stop! You're leaving a helpless child alone with a killer! Stop! (Outside the interrogation room.) BRENNAN: Hey, what is going on? BOOTH: I can't do it. Listen, I have to be involved. If I'm the father, then... I have to be a father. BRENNAN: You were seeing something in there-what were you seeing? BOOTH: Stewie-you know, the baby from The Family Guy. BRENNAN: You-you saw Stewie... in there? In the interrogation room? BOOTH: So what do you say about the kid? BRENNAN: Fine, I won't have a baby. BOOTH: Fine? That's it? BRENNAN: No, it doesn't matter now-we're going to the hospital. BOOTH: It's no big deal, okay? BRENNAN: It is. Booth, you thought you saw Luc Robitaille and then the ghost of a dead friend and now a cartoon baby. Trust me, something is wrong. Trust me. (Cut to: Hospital Waiting Room. Cam, Hodgins, Sweets, and Angela are all waiting to hear back on Booth's condition.) SWEETS: They should have the CAT scan results by now. CAM: They're getting a second opinion. SWEETS: Well then the other doctor should have been standing by. ANGELA: Are you alright, Sweets? SWEETS: No, no, I'm not. I'm not the-the level-headed shrink at the moment... I'm just the guy whose friend is in trouble, and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. Okay? I'm sorry. I just need a moment. (Walks away.) ANGELA: Sure. (Hodgins moves to sit on the couch next to Angela.) HODGINS: Man, just when you think you know what's what. Man, we can't take anything for granted, can we? ANGELA: Why is it so easy to forget that? HODGINS: Ange, when we split, either one of us could've stopped it. It would've been easy. ANGELA: I know. HODGINS: It would be just as easy... to begin again. (Brennan approaches the waiting room and everyone stands to hear the news.) BRENNAN: They think it's a crebellar pilocytic astrocytoma. SWEETS: Oh, God. That sounds bad. BRENNAN: Brain tumor. It's usually benign. CAM: Usually. BRENNAN: They're prepping him for surgery now. HODGINS: Wow. So fast. BRENNAN: They didn't want to take any chances. ANGELA: Go. He shouldn't be alone before he goes in there, Brennan. BRENNAN: I just wanted all of you to know (She chokes up.)... statistically, he should be fine. (Everyone nods. Angela hugs her and she returns the hug, then disengages.) This isn't about me. (She walks away.) (Cut to: Hospital Surgery Prep Room. Booth is being worked on by a few nurses and techs, taking his vitals and prepping him for surgery. He's looking for Brennan. She finally appears in the window outside the room and they smile at each other before she enters and stands at the foot of the bed.) BRENNAN: The surgery should take about two hours. BOOTH: (Nods.) I was getting used to hallucinating. It's gonna get lonely. (They both laugh softly.) BRENNAN: You're gonna be fine, Booth. Dr. Jurzik is one of the best. BOOTH: Would you come in there with me, to the operating room? BRENNAN: No, I'll see you in Recovery. BOOTH: Oh, come on, what are you gonna do, sit in the waiting room and read all those old magazines for hours? BRENNAN: I'm not a neurologist, Booth, or a surgeon. BOOTH: Yeah, but you're a genius. That's good enough for me. Plus, you'll know if they're screwing up. BRENNAN: I'll ask. (A doctor enters the room.) DOCTOR: (To a tech.) I'll let you know when we're ready for that, uh... thanks. (He gets to Booth's bedside and lifts his wrist.) Hi. Let me just take a look. (Booth motions toward the doctor with his head, telling Brennan to ask.) BRENNAN: Uh, excuse me. (She takes the doctor aside.) (Cut to: Hospital Hallway. They are wheeling Booth to the operating room. Brennan is next to him. She is wearing scrubs and was evidently permitted to be in the room during his surgery.) BOOTH: (To the nurses wheeling the bed down the hall.) Can we just stop for a second? Can you just give me a minute, please? (The nurses back off and leave Booth and Brennan alone.) BRENNAN: What's wrong? BOOTH: Listen, Bones, if I don't make it... BRENNAN: Booth, you're gonna be fine. BOOTH: Yeah, but if I'm not... I want you to have my stuff. You know, for a kid. BRENNAN: Booth. BOOTH: I want you to. You're gonna be a really good mom. BRENNAN: You're gonna be fine, Booth. I'll be right here. BOOTH: I'm ready. (Brennan looks around for the nurses who come back and start wheeling Booth down the hall again. Brennan holds his hand as they push through a set of double doors and the scene whites out.)

The team is on the case when human remains are found inside a barrel of wine during a wine tasting. When the victim turns out to be a wine critic whose scathing reviews were capable of sending a vineyard to its ruin, everyone from the winery's owner to the victim's own wife becomes a suspect. Meanwhile, Brennan decides to have a baby and asks Booth to be the father; when Booth begins to doubt himself, he finds himself talking to Stewie Griffin from Family Guy .

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ACT ONE Scene One - KACL Frasier is at his console. Frasier: [on air] To start off the second hour, I would like to depart from my usual format because I recently read a book that... well, it truly just knocked my mental socks off. It's called "The Menopausal Male," and its author, the distinguished psychiatric scholar Dr. Helmut Bruga, has graciously agreed to join us today from his offices at the University of Washington. Dr. Bruga, guten tag. I've been an admirer of yours for a long time. Bruga: [v.o.] Thank you. I enjoy your show as well. Frasier: Really? Bruga: Yes. Though I do not in most cases agree with your analysis. Frasier: Back to your book. Now, we're all very familiar with the changes in the female menopause, but your research indicates... Bruga: Excuse me, Dr. Crane. May I say hello to Roz? Frasier: Yes, of course. Bruga: Hello, Roz. Roz: Hello, Dr. Bruga. Frasier: Yes, your research indicates that the reproductive imperative is re-awakened in later life, when the man is... Bruga: You have a very sensuous voice. Frasier: ...Thank you. Bruga: Not you, Roz. Frasier: Yes well, back to male menopause. Bruga: Would you perhaps like to go to a movie or something, maybe grab a bite? Roz: Well, that would be very... Frasier holds up the book so she can see the photo on the dust jacket. Roz: No. No, thank you very much. Frasier: Well, our time has just flown by. Thank you for joining us, Dr. Bruga, and for so vividly proving your point. Bruga: You will give Roz my number? Frasier: Oh, I think Roz has your number! [SCENE_BREAK] SITTING PRETTY Scene Two - Apartment The doorbell bing-bongs and Daphne answers. It's Niles. Daphne: Oh, hello, Dr. Crane. Niles: Hello, Daphne. I hope I haven't come at a bad time. Daphne: Well, your brother isn't home from work yet, and your father's out walking Eddie. Niles: [entering] Oh, darn the luck. I, ah, I stopped by to drop this off. [holds up a jewelry case] It's a necklace I bought for Maris, I was hoping to hide it here until her birthday. Daphne: Well, I'm sure it'll be all right. Mind if I have a peek? Niles: Not at all. He opens the case and flicks the necklace into Daphne's hand, stealing a glance down her cleavage as she catches it. Daphne: Oh, my - emeralds. Your practice must be doing awfully well. Who'd have thought the mentally disturbed had this much money? Niles: Would you like to try it on? Daphne: Oh, I'd love to. If you don't think Mrs. Crane would mind. Niles: Oh, certainly not. Maris is the soul of generosity. Just last week she donated all her old cocktail dresses to a homeless shelter. He stands behind her and drapes it over her neck. Daphne: Oh, let me just get me hair out of the way. Niles: All right, here we go... As Niles attempts to close the catch, the necklace slips (accidentally?) from his fingers and drops down the front of Daphne's blouse. Niles/Daphne: Oh, dear!/OOH! Daphne: Oh, my. [puts hand down top and starts fishing for the necklace] Can you see them? Niles: [looking] Oh yes, thank you. Frasier enters and takes in the scene. Frasier: [deadpan] Hello, Niles. Whatever are you doing here? Niles: I, um, bought an emerald necklace for Maris, and I needed some place to hide it for her birthday. Frasier: Emeralds? Well, may I see it? Niles: Not at the moment, no. Frasier: Why not? Daphne: It's down me blouse. Frasier: I see. Well, I'm sure Maris will never think of looking for it there. Daphne: It slipped down there when I was trying it on. I'll just go extract it. She goes to her bedroom. Niles: Just call me butterfingers. Frasier: Join a health club, Niles. Martin and Eddie arrive. Martin: Hey, guys. Niles: Hey, Dad. Frasier: Oh, hi, Dad. Martin: Well, Niles. What brings you by? Niles: Uh, Maris's birthday. I'm hiding her gift here. Martin: Oh, it's getting that time again, huh? Well, I guess I'm gonna have to get her something. It's too bad, I just got back from the hardware store. Saw a great-looking ratchet set. Frasier: As if there's anything left on her that needs tightening. Martin brings out a roll of duct tape. Frasier: Oh Dad, no, no! Not more duct tape! Martin: Yeah. [applying a length to The Chair] I gotta repair a little split in the old throne here. You gotta catch these rips early, or they look like hell. Frasier: You know, Dad, instead of repairing this old relic all the time, why don't we just bring the Eames down here? Martin: Ah no, that thing's too fancy for me, I just need a comfortable place to park my fanny. [starts towards bedroom] Frasier: [sotto voce] How about Florida? Martin: I heard that. He leaves. Frasier: God, you know, when you think of all the care I put into decorating my home, only to have it mocked by this atrocity. Niles: The bottom line is, it is your home. Why don't you just make him get rid of it? Frasier: Yes well, it's not as simple as all that. I mean, one would have to find the appropriate moment. I mean, Dad does have his feelings, and one should consider those, and he has quite an attachment to this little chair... Niles: You're afraid to stand up to him, aren't you? Frasier: Oh, like you're not. Niles: Well, at least I don't have to live with something unattractive. Frasier shoots Niles a look from under raised eyebrows. Niles, taking his meaning, looks offended. Frasier: Oh Niles, Niles, I'm just having some fun with you. Actually, I think Maris is rather attractive - in a, a minimalist sort of way. [then] Oh, forget it, I'm just upset about the chair. Niles: You know, Frasier, there is a perfectly sound psychological basis for getting rid of this chair. Frasier: Oh, really? Well, enlighten me, doctor. Niles: With pleasure. Originally, Dad needed it to bridge the transition from his old apartment to life here with you. But as with all transitional objects - be they a teddy bear, be they a thumb, be they a blankie, be they a chair... Frasier: Stop saying "Be they!" Niles: The point is, there comes a time when the healthy thing is to put these security objects aside and reassert your independence. Frasier: Yes, of course. So what you're saying is that if I should, say, go down to the store and buy Dad a new chair, throw this one in the trash heap, I wouldn't be doing it for me, I'd be doing it for him. Niles: Yes. And it would be a nice payback for the day he used your blankie to clean his service revolver. [looks at watch] Oops, I'm sorry, our time is up. [SCENE_BREAK] GOOD VIBRATIONS Scene Three - Furniture Store, Recliner Section Frasier and Niles are strangers in a strange land. Niles: Dear God, Frasier, we've stumbled upon Hell's waiting room. Frasier: All right, now this is not a moment for the faint of heart. We're treading a thin line here, Niles. We've got to find something that compliments my decor as well as fulfills Dad's requirements. He sees one with a particularly ghastly covering. Frasier: Oh, dear God. Can you imagine anyone would have something like that in their living room? Niles: It looks like someone upholstered it in golf pants. A salesman walks past them. Frasier: Excuse me, perhaps you could help us here. Salesman: [not stopping] Yeah, perhaps. Frasier: Well, we're looking for a chair. Salesman: [still not stopping] We got 'em. Frasier: Wait, wait-wait-wait! [the salesman stops] Niles: Ideally, we're looking for something with the presence of a Mies van der Rohe and the playful insouciance of an early Le Corbusier. Salesman: [pointing to chair at random] This one vibrates. Frasier: Yes well, perhaps you could direct us to your recliners, preferably one in suede. Salesman: People seem to like this "Lazy-guy." Frasier: "Lazy-guy." I wonder what they call the deluxe model? The "Hopeless Slack-Ass?" Niles bends over laughing, then notices a black leather recliner. Niles: Oh, hey. Well, what about this one over here? [points to leather recliner] Frasier: You know, I-I hate to admit it, but that would not look altogether hideous in my living room. Salesman: Have a seat. This one's got Swedish massage. Niles: Oh, ha, no thank you. Frasier: Go ahead, Niles. Try it out. Salesman: I'll fire it up for you. Niles: [dusting chair before sitting] That won't be necessary. I like to sit in my chair, I don't really like to vibrate very much. No, thank you any- [the salesman switches it on] Wha-hey.... ahh... ooh... And other excited noises... Salesman: It also has shiatsu. [alters controls] Niles: OHHH... I never knew a chair could be this satisfying... I never knew that anything could. I want it. Frasier: Right, Niles. I'm sure it would fit right in with all of Maris's 18th-century antiques. Niles: Well then, I'll just rent it an apartment and visit it on the side. Salesman: So what do you think? Why don't you have a try yourself? Frasier: Well, I don't really think that's necessary. You see, I'm buying it for my father.. Niles: No, no. You've got to sit in it. Frasier: And who knows about other people's tastes.. Niles: You can't make a decision before you sit in it. Frasier: Something seems as if it's not quite right, [sits] really, I just... whoa... OH, MOMMY! Scene Four - Apartment Eddie is barking loudly. Frasier: Eddie? What is the matter with him? Daphne: He saw your father's chair was gone, and he's afraid it means your father's gone too. I think he suspects foul play. Frasier: [to Eddie] Oh, stop it! If I had stuck Dad's feet into a bucket of cement and thrown him into Puget Sound, you would have been the tiny little splash that followed him! Eddie quiets down. The doorbell bing bongs. Frasier: Oh. that must be Leo. Wait'll you see this. He opens the door for Leo, a surfer type dude, who has the new chair on a dolly. Frasier: Come on in. Leo: Dr. Crane, make way. Frasier: All right, now just be careful now, Leo. Watch the furniture and the walls. Leo: Excuse me, but I happen to be a professional. I take a lot of pride in my work, and I would never- He hits a table, knocking over some objet d'art. Leo: Whoa... how'd that get there? Hey look, at least I didn't lose my license this time, right? Frasier: All right, all right. Quickly, quickly. I'm sure Beavis will start to wonder where you are. Leo clumsily drops the chair off the dolly. Daphne: Actually Leo, as long as you're here, we're having a problem with a leaky faucet in the sink. Leo: And where would that be? Daphne: [as if to a child] In the kitchen, dear. Leo: Hey, that wasn't a dumb question. You got bathrooms too, dontcha? Daphne: None that you'll be going anywhere near. Leo exits to kitchen. Daphne: [re: chair] Oh, Dr Crane, it's lovely. Well, I thought the other one was nice, but this is smashing. Frasier: Well, try it out, try it out. And it has a little surprise. He plugs it in as Daphne sits. Daphne: This is comfy. Although it's a little on the soft side. I prefer... [Frasier switches it on] Hello... ohh... ohh... ohh... this is enough to make me give up me search for a meaningful relationship. The front door starts to open. Frasier: Oh, quick, quick, that's Dad. Get out, get out, get out. [pulls Daphne out of chair] Daphne: Oh, all right. Just like a man - now you've had your fun, you don't care where I am! Martin: [entering] Hey, there. Frasier: Hi, Dad. I've ah, got a little surprise for you. He and Daphne moves aside to reveal the new chair. Martin: What's that? Frasier: It's your new easy chair. Martin: Well... what do you know about that? Where's my old chair? Frasier: It's down in the storage space. Come on, try this one out. Martin: Oh look, I appreciate this, Frasier. But that - it, it... it really isn't me. Frasier: Dad, Dad, you haven't even sat in it yet. Come on, come on, come on down, Martin Crane. Martin sits. Frasier turns it on. Martin is appalled. Martin: That's disgusting! No, no look, Frasier, I'm sorry, but I'm a creature of habit and I think that I'd rather have my old chair back. Frasier: Well Dad, but why? I mean this chair's a lot more comfortable than the old one, and it's, it's therapeutic as well. Martin: I know. It's, I just never cared for leather, you know? You stick to it in the hot weather, you can't sit in it in your shorts, it makes my back sweat. Black's hot. I, I, I, I'm sorry, I just couldn't get used to this chair. Frasier: All right Dad, fine. The important thing is that you lived with it for a full fifteen seconds. Leo! Leo re-enters. Daphne: Leo, we need you to bring Mr. Crane's chair back in here. Leo: [entering from kitchen] Ah, no can do, fish n'chips. Someone took it. Martin: What?! Frasier: Are you saying that someone broke into my storage space and stole my father's chair? Leo: Your storage space? Frasier: Well, that's where I told you to put it. You did put it there, didn't you? Leo: Oh, man. Not another day like last Tuesday. Martin: Where's my chair, Leo? Leo: I took it down to the dumpster, and someone snagged it. It was pretty bitchin', you know. I almost kept it myself. Martin: [to Frasier] You threw my chair away! Are you happy now, it's gone! Frasier: [escorting Leo out] Listen Leo, you have got to find that chair. I don't care what you have to do. Comb the entire building, search the neighborhood, just find my father's chair! Leo: "Dump the chair," "Get the chair," "Find the chair," what am I, the building lackey? Frasier: YES! Leo: Oh, okay. [leaves] Daphne: [softly caressing the chair] Well, if no one's going to want this, we could put it in my room. [sees Frasier and Martin glaring at one another] Maybe later. You two talk it over. She leaves. Martin: Well, this couldn't have worked out any better for you, could it? You've been trying to get rid of that chair from the day I moved in here. Frasier: Dad, you could at least show a little gratitude, I didn't do this for me, I did it for you. Martin: Like hell! [gets beer] Frasier: Geez, you're acting like I lost the chair on purpose. Martin: Hey, let me tell you something. That chair was the only thing that made me feel comfortable in this house - that made me feel that maybe this was my home too. Frasier: Oh, baloney! Ever since you got here all I've tried to do is make you comfortable. I don't even know why I bothered. I mean, everybody knows Martin Crane doesn't like calfskin, he prefers duct tape! He seizes Martin's roll of tape, tears off a length and sticks it onto the new chair. Frasier: And food crumbs! [throws bowl of nuts onto seat] There we are! [takes Martin's beer] And let's have a little dribble of beer while we're at it! [pours can over chair] Why not? There, that's delightful! Oh, and let's not forget - to top it all off - just the slightest bit of dog hair! He picks up Eddie and gently shakes him over the chair. Martin: I suppose you're going to be throwing Eddie out by the dumpster next! Frasier: Oh Dad, I don't know why you're carrying on this way. We are, after all, talking about a twenty-five year-old, broken-down chair. If you don't like this chair, I'll get you another one. Any chair you want! Martin: Really? Okay, I'll tell you what chair I want. I want the chair I was sitting in when I watched Neil Armstrong take his first step on the moon. And when the U.S. hockey team beat the Russians in the '80 Olympics. I want the chair I was sitting in the night you called me to tell me I had a grandson. I want the chair I was in all those nights, when your mother used to wake me up with a kiss after I'd fallen asleep in front of the television. You know, I still fall asleep in it. And every once in a while, when I wake up, I still expect your mother to be there, ready to lead me off to bed... Oh, never mind. It's only a chair. Come on, Eddie. He exits. END OF ACT ONE [SCENE_BREAK] ACT TWO Scene One - KACL, Roz's booth Frasier enters from the corridor. Roz: Hey, Fras! How was your weekend? Frasier: Hellish. Roz: [not hearing him] Great! Let me tell you what happened to me. See I had this most incredible date Saturday night. It was really hot. So Sunday, I'm driving home... Frasier: Sunday? Roz: I told you, it was hot. So anyway, my car breaks down right in front of this church, and all the people are just coming out after the show... Frasier: Service. Roz: What? Frasier: Churches don't have shows, they have services. Roz: Can I finish my story? Frasier: All right, all right. Roz: Thank you. So, I walk up to the minister--is that all right? Frasier: Mm-hmm. Roz: And I ask him if I can use his phone. And he tells me my sweater's on inside out. One thing led to another, and we have a date tonight. Ministers aren't celibate, are they? Not that I don't love a challenge. Frasier: You know Roz, maybe you should take a sick day sometime, call into the show yourself. He settles into his chair, ready for the show. Roz: You're on the air. Frasier: [on air] Good afternoon, Seattle. This is Dr. Frasier Crane. Now before I take my first caller, I'd like to make a personal appeal. Last Saturday, my father's chair was taken from in front of the Elliott Bay Towers, and it's a runny split-pea green and mud-brown striped recliner with the occasional spot of stuffing popping out from underneath a strip of duct tape. Aas incredible as this may seem, I'm offering a handsome reward for its safe return. Thank you. And now Roz, who's on line one? Roz: It's John... [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Time Lapse Frasier: So remember Stephanie, a little emotional flexibility is a good thing. Just as the mighty oak snaps and falls in a windstorm, so the weeping willow bends and lives to see another day. Thank you for your call. So Roz, any update on the chair? Roz: Oh yeah, the calls have been pouring in. Frasier: Really? And what are they? Roz: Well, so far it's been spotted at the top of the Space Needle, in the Governor's Mansion, and a man on Lake Stevens said he saw it flying over his house, but he thought it was just a spaceship from a tacky planet. Frasier: Funny stuff, people. Well, let's just go to commercial break so you all can chuckle through these words from Yukon Lumber. He goes off the air and walks into Roz's area, where she is on the phone. Frasier: Ingrates! I dedicate my life to clearing away their psychic debris and this is how they repay me. Roz: [writing message] Uh-huh. Uh-huh... I got it. He'll be there just as soon as the show's over, thank you so much. [hangs up] Frasier: What? What is it? Roz: Frasier, I found the chair. [hands him a message slip] Frasier: Oh, great. Oh, thank God. By tonight my dad will be safely back in his beer-stained, flea-infested, duct-taped recliner, adjusting his shorts with one hand and cheering on Jean-Claude van Damme with the other. [trudges back into his booth] Yes, it's quite a little piece of heaven I've carved out for myself, isn't it? [Roz's "tacky planet" line is strangely prophetic: eight years later, when the original chair was deliberately destroyed in episode [9.07], "Bla-Z-Boy," the technical crew had a hard time finding the right material for the replacement they built, until one of them spotted it on an old set from the original "Star Trek."] [SCENE_BREAK] BEST SEAT IN THE HOUSE Scene Three - A school stage, somewhere in Seattle The Chair has pride of place. All around children are rehearsing, or painting scenery. A child (Joey) dies on stage, rather noisily. A teacher (Mrs. Warren), looks on. Frasier arrives. Warren: Okay. Okay, that... that was nice. Um, but let's just remember there's a very fine line between good acting and hamming it up. Let's try it again. Frasier: Excuse me? Brown: Mrs. Warren, I can't find my moustache. Olsen: I can't remember any of my lines, Mrs. Warren. Look, I'm really nervous. Joey: Me, too. Warren: Okay, people? People? Can I have you all over here for a second? All stop what they're doing, and listen. Frasier: Uh, Mrs. Warren...? [she waves him off] Warren: This isn't Broadway, it's junior high. There's no reason at all to be nervous. We're just going to go out there tonight in front of family and friends and have some fun, okay? The cast disperse, relieved. Warren: [to Frasier:] If one more thing goes wrong, I'm going to have to take my own life. Frasier: Well, if I could just have a word with you... Warren: I'm sorry, in forty-five minutes the curtain goes up on a very shaky production of "Ten Little Indians." Frasier: Ooh, "Ten Little Indians." I thought I recognized the mise en scene. I did this play years ago. [quotes] "On the contrary, Major. Many a psychotic killer would appear to be quite normal. You see, you can never suspect that underneath that calm exterior there lies the heart of a maniac, ah-ha-ha." Happens to be true, by the way. Warren: Who are you? Frasier: Oh, I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. She's obviously never heard of him. Frasier: From the radio? KACL Talk... well, never mind. Listen, someone told me that my chair would be here, and sure enough here it is, so I'll just get this out of your hair. Warren: No, excuse me, but that doesn't go anywhere. [confidentially] Right now, this chair is the most entertaining thing on stage. Frasier: Well, I'm sure that's quite true, but you see... There is a commotion backstage when Brown hits his thumb with a hammer. Warren: Don't worry about it, honey, just run along to the nurse's office, I'm sure you'll be fine. They'll have you back here in no time! [to Frasier] I am so sick of being positive. Frasier: Yes, but you see, you don't understand, this chair belongs to my father and I must return it to him... Warren: Sir? You can have your chair back in two weeks. Frasier: Yes, you don't understand, I'm in a very difficult position here. Warren: DIFFICULT? You want difficult? I have a set that's falling apart, a leading man whose voice changed at precisely three o'clock this afternoon, AND MY NAME IS SPELLED WRONG IN THE PROGRAM! [calms down, to child ] See what I did there, Pomeroy? That's the kind of anger I need from you in the accusation scene. Frasier: Listen, I'll give you two hundred dollars, you can get yourself a new chair. Warren: Forget it. Frasier: Listen, Mrs. Warren, I realize you are in an untenable position here, but I am speaking to you now from the heart. You see, by putting this chair into the trash, I have wounded my father. I realize it's just a chair to you, but to him it is a treasure trove of life memories that I have thoughtlessly discarded because I didn't like the way it looked in my living room. I have sacrificed heart and soul for form and function. Believe me, I am terribly ashamed of myself for that. This chair is the last, best chance to forge any kind of meaningful relationship with the only father I'll ever have! Warren: [to children] People, were you all listening to that? Because you can learn a lot from this man. [Frasier looks proud] That speech he just gave is a perfect example of the kind of hammy overacting I don't want to see out of ANY OF YOU FOR THIS ENTIRE RUN! Frasier: Now just hold on for a minute! He is interrupted by Joey coming on stage. Joey: Mrs. Warren? Warren: What is it, Joey? Joey: Bobby MacDuff just threw up backstage. Warren: Perfect. My Dr. Armstrong has opening night jitters. Joey: No, it's not jitters. It's stomach flu. He's in the nurse's office. Frasier: Oh well, what else can you do? You'll have to cancel the performance. Too bad. [pulling Chair off of stage] I'll just take this along with me. Warren: I can't cancel, I have three hundred parents in their cars already. Frasier: Well, I'm sure somehow the American theatre will survive. You can't do the show without Dr. Armstrong, he's too important to the plot. I know, that's the part I played. Warren: You played Dr. Armstrong? Frasier: Well, yes I... Oh, no-no-no-no-no, you're not thinking... Warren: How badly do you want your chair? Frasier: I-I'm sorry, it's out of the question! Warren: You know, it would be a real shame if something... She rips a piece of duct tape off the Chair, some stuffing gets pulled out with it. Warren: Ooh! - happened to this chair. Frasier: But it's been years. I hardly can remember any of the lines. Warren: [darkly] Then you'll fit right in! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Four - Later That Evening The cast are taking their bows to much applause. In the middle of the line is Frasier, towering above the children and wearing a large false moustache. Mrs. Warren presents him with a bouquet of roses. END OF ACT TWO [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier is trying to disguise The Chair with a throw rug. Martin comes in, removes the rug and sits down. Eddie lies on the sofa, leaving Frasier with no place to sit but the Eames.

Frasier is tired of Martin's favorite chair and replaces it, but Martin demands his old chair back. The old chair is easily located on the set of a school production, but the recovery proves more difficult.

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fd_Frasier_03x24_0

ACT ONE Scene One - KACL Frasier is just wrapping up. Frasier: This is Dr. Frasier Crane, wishing you all good mental health. He goes off the air. Roz comes into his booth with a small gift box. Roz: Happy anniversary! Frasier: Oh, Roz! Oh, this is so much fun, Roz! I got you one too! He hands her a similar-size gift box. Roz: Oh, thank you! O.K., you first. I mean, it's nothing really, it's not expensive or anything, you probably won't even like it, I'm not good with gifts- Frasier: Look, don't oversell it, Roz. [unwraps it] It's a tape. [reads] "The Dr. Frasier Crane Show: Show #1, May 21st, Roz: It's our first broadcast. Frasier: Oh, Roz! I can't wait to listen to it! Did you ever think I'd stay on the air this long? Roz: Oh, hell no. [reads her card] "To Roz, who believed in me from the start." Frasier: Yes, it's from Hallmark's "Irony" section. Roz: [opens hers] Oh, Frasier, they're beautiful! Earrings! Thank you, thank you! Frasier: [hugs her] You deserve them. Working side by side for three years, one can't help but become close friends. And they're blue! To match your... lips when they're cold! She rolls her eyes at him as he goes out the door. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment It's later that afternoon. Outside, the rain is pouring. Daphne is wandering around the apartment, dusting things and talking on the cordless phone. Daphne: Oh, Mum, it's not that I don't want to come home. I'd love a visit! It's just that I can't! He won't let me. Behind her back, Frasier comes in the door with a bouquet of flowers. Daphne: Oh, you have no idea what Dr. Crane is like. Why, he's an absolute beast - unpleasant to be around, a real tyrant! Frasier shuts the door, loudly. Daphne jerks around. Daphne: Oh! [whispering] It's just my mum. I'm trying to get out of a visit home. Frasier: [whispering] Oh, I understand. All right. Daphne: [into phone] No, I'm not exaggerating! He treats me like a bloody slave! Frasier: [shouting] Daphne! Where's my dressing gown?! Daphne: Not to mention how cheap he is! Frasier: [as she holds the phone towards him] That better not be a long-distance call! Daphne: Yeah, yeah. He does sound a lot like Aunt Lillian. She holds the phone towards him. He mouths, "I can't do Aunt Lillian." Daphne: I got to run, Mum. Love you, bye. [hangs up] I'm sorry, you must think I'm a terrible daughter. Frasier: No, not at all. I think you're a terrible liar, Daphne, but a perfectly run-of-the-mill daughter. Daphne: It's just that I only get one vacation a year, and I want to go somewhere fun, like Acapulco. Frasier: Well, that makes sense. Daphne takes the flowers to the kitchen to put them in some water. Frasier puts his tape into the stereo and pours himself a glass of sherry. Daphne: And going home is just so flipping boring. It's always the same. There's a wonderful reunion at the airport, and we share all our news on the way home in the car. And by the time I've dropped off my suitcase, we've exhausted all conversation, and that's when I realize I've got a whole week left with nothing to look forward to but Dad telling the story of how he once shared a cigar with Winston Churchill during the blackouts - he thinks! Frasier: Well, it sounds like an easy decision, Daphne - [raises his glass] Hasta luego. Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, why is it so easy to love our families, yet so hard to like them? Frasier: Well, Daphne, that is one of those questions that make life so rich... and psychiatrists richer. Daphne: Yeah, well, maybe I'll just go call a travel agent, see which guilt trip is more expensive. Daphne goes to her room. Frasier starts the tape and settles in the armchair by the windows. Eddie jumps into his lap and stares at him. Frasier: [v.o.; sounding ridiculous] Good afternoon, Seattle. My name is Dr. Frasier Crane. If you can feel, I can heal. Frasier: Fasten your seat belt, Eddie. It's going to be a bumpy ride. [SCENE_BREAK] MAY 21, 1993 1:57 PM Scene Three - KACL Frasier opens the door to his radio booth. He surveys it for a moment like a painter sizing up a blank canvass, and satisfies himself that it is all right. He places his briefcase on the console, just right. He fumbles with the spare microphone and quickly puts it down. Then he pulls up his chair to the main microphone, and positions it just right for his sitting position. Finally satisfied, he takes a set of practice cards out of his jacket pocket. Frasier: Hello. You're on the air with Dr. Frasier Crane. [reading] "Put your head in my hands." He throws the card away. He starts again, but stops and clears his throat a few times. Not satisfied, he does a few "me-me-me-me's" and little Indian war whoops to warm his voice up. Finally, he gets up and paces the booth, doing an elocution exercise. Frasier: "Little owlet in the glen, I am ashamed of you, You are ungrammatical in speaking as you do, You should say, 'to whom, to whom,' not 'to who, to who.' Your little friend, Miss Katydid, may be green, 'tis true, But you never heard her say-" [turns around and sees Roz staring at him] Who the hell are you? Roz: I'm Roz Doyle, your new producer. Frasier: What? Producer? Roz: [shaking his hand] Dr. Crane, I presume? Frasier: Yes, yes, but, uh, where's Dave? Roz: Uh, he got another assignment. Roz starts arranging things around the booth to get ready for the show. Frasier follows her around. Frasier: But I was comfortable with Dave. Roz: Look, Dr. Crane, I know you've been thrown a curve, but everything's gonna be fine. Frasier: But I did a mock show with Dave. I did mock-call-in's, mock commercials, mock news bulletins! Roz: Look, I got a bulletin for you: Dave's out, I'm in, and stop saying "mock." Frasier: All right, look, Miss Doyle, I'm sure you're quite capable, but Dave has fifteen years of experience. I'd really prefer that he do it. Roz: Well, that would make two of us then, wouldn't it? Frasier: I really think I should call management and ask for Dave, it's not really fair to Dave or to me. He picks up the phone and starts to dial. Roz cuts him off. Roz: Dr. Crane, Dave dumped you. Frasier: [whiny] Why? We were here until 2 A.M. this morning, as I explained to Dave in meticulous detail my philosophy of optimal mental health! Roz: It's a mystery, all right. O.K., look, I'm going to screen a few calls, and- Frasier: No! No, no, as I explained to Dave before, there will be no call-screening. You see, I want my show to be fresh and spontaneous, and call screening squelches all of that. Roz: And the mystery of Dave's departure deepens. OK, you're on in five seconds, I'll give you a cue. Frasier sits in his chair and puts on his headphones. Roz goes into her booth, puts on the headphones, and points to him. Frasier hesitates for a second, then reads from his next note card. Frasier: Good afternoon, Seattle. My name is Dr. Frasier Crane. [reads] "If you can feel, I can heal." Roz rolls her eyes. Frasier throws the card away. Silence for a few seconds. Alarmed, Roz signals that there's dead air. Frasier: Let's see who's on line one! [pushes button] Hello, this is Dr. Frasier Crane. [reading] "You're on the couch." Angela: [v.o.] No, I'm not. Frasier: Well, I meant on the metaphorical couch. Angela: I'm in a beanbag chair, O.K.? Frasier throws the card away, then picks up the microphone and starts to lean back in his chair. Frasier: Uh, moving on then, um, how can I help you? Angela: It's about my husband... Look, I-I just can't do this, it's really too embarrassing for me. Frasier: No, no, please, please, dear friend, you must - I'm really here to help you. Please, go ahead. Unfortunately, he leans too far and topples over backward in his chair. Scrambling back to his feet, he grabs the wire to his headphones and pulls it hand-over-hand to get back his headphones and put them on. Angela: ...I've tried, and I've tried, and I just don't know what to do about this! Frasier: Well, you know, often in these cases, it helps if you restate your problem. But this time, try boiling it down to one succinct sentence. Now, how would you do that? Angela: My husband is dead! Frasier: Well, perhaps we should go back to the wordy version. [Angela hangs up] Uh, we'll be right back after these important messages. He quickly goes to commercial and walks into Roz's booth. Roz is talking on the phone. Roz: Of course I could do a gardening show. If I can grow plants in my dorm room closet, I must know a thing or two about horticulture- Frasier: Are you trying to get transferred? Roz: Bye! [hangs up] Look, Dr. Crane, I got to be honest with you here. It's just that I-I think psychiatry is, just, uh, sort of - kind of... bull! [laughs] Frasier: Oh, well, this is a match made in heaven then, isn't it?! Roz: Oh, don't be offended. Frasier: "Don't be offended." Why should I be offended? In the last week, I've uprooted myself from my home of fifteen years, moved all the way across the country away from everything I care about, and plunged myself into a frightening new career! The first few nerve-wracking moments, I walk in here and find my producer lobbying to get herself transferred to another show! Abe Lincoln had a brighter future when he picked up his tickets at the box office! Frasier storms out of the booth. Roz calmly sits back down. Frasier comes running back in and throws himself into his chair. Roz cues him, and the show goes on. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO MAY 21, 1993 5:13 PM Scene Four - Caf Nervosa Frasier and Roz are sitting at a corner table. Roz reads from a notebook. Roz: O.K., you got to make the caller get to the point, and then for God's sake, so should you. Frasier: Duly noted. Roz: O.K. Number twenty-four... [looks at him] You know what, you're starting to glaze. We can go through the rest of this tomorrow. See you, Frasier. Frasier: Bye, Roz. Roz heads out the door, running into Niles. Niles: Oh, excuse me. Roz: Well, excuse you. Roz leaves. Niles turns and looks back at this rude and (as-yet) unknown woman, then stands in line. Frasier: Oh, Niles! Niles: Oh, Frasier! [comes over to the table] What a serendipitous event. How did you discover my favorite coffee bar? Frasier: Well, the radio station's right across the street. I did my first show today. Niles: Yes, you did, didn't you? Well... good to see you, have a nice day! Niles turns back to the counter. Frasier gets up and goes over to him. Frasier: Niles, aren't you going to join me? Niles: Oh, well, I would, but I have a routine. I come in every day, order coffee and spend some quality time... with myself, you understand. Frasier: Niles, I've seen you once in the last two years. Beat. Niles: Oh, that is your point. Well... very well, in the spirit of blood being thicker than water, why don't we? They sit at Frasier's table. Or rather, Frasier does. Niles first takes out his handkerchief and wipes his chair down. Frasier: I remember your fourth birthday party. Grandmother took us to the park to ride the carousel, and made all those little children wait while you wiped off your painted pony. Niles: I was wearing Bermuda shorts and that saddle was slick with toddler sweat. Niles sits down. Uncomfortable silence. Frasier: Well, uh... oh, uh, thanks again for dinner the other night with Maris. You two seem very happy. Niles: Oh yes, it's love. Like the Arctic Puffin, we've mated for life. Honestly, I can't imagine even looking at another woman. Realizing there are no napkins at their table, Niles turns to another table to get some. As he does, the woman at the next table - Daphne - turns to Frasier. Daphne: Excuse me, sir, have you finished with that sugar? Frasier: Oh, yes. Daphne takes the sugar and turns back to her table as Niles turns back to Frasier. Niles stops and sniffs the air for a second, then shakes his head and sits back down. A waiter comes up. Waiter: You ready to order? Niles: Uh, yes. Double decaf non-fat latte, mmm... medium foam, dusted with just the faintest whisper of cinnamon. Frasier: I'll have a black coffee. Niles: You'll have to forgive my brother. He just came in on the noon stage. Frasier: I hope I never see the day when I am so frightfully pretentious that a good-old cup of American coffee isn't good enough for me. Uncomfortable silence. Niles: So, how'd your visit with Dad go? Frasier: I haven't been to see him yet. Niles: Really? You've been in town a whole week. Frasier: Well, I've been very busy, what with settling into the new apartment, unpacking... Niles: Frasier, you're obviously making excuses. I'm going over tonight for my weekly visit, why don't you come along? Frasier: Geez, I know I should, Niles. But I'm really in such a vulnerable state right now. The last thing I need is Seattle's reigning sourpuss taking potshots at me. Niles: Is that what you're worried about? Frasier: Yes! Niles: Well, you have been out of touch. Our father's a changed man. Ever since he was shot, he's softened, with a whole new zest for life! Frasier: Niles, I visited him in the hospital. He made his roommate cry, and the man was in a coma. Niles: Dad was still in shock. The change came after. As a psychiatrist surely you've seen this? A patient has a brush with death and rediscovers his love of life. Ah, [chuckles] the laughs we've had when I'm over there. I sometimes wonder if that bullet didn't crease his funny bone. The waiter brings their coffees. Niles: Oh... thank you. [the waiter leaves] Can you believe the incompetence of that man? I very clearly asked for a whisper of cinnamon, he's given me a full-throated shout! There are countries in this world where they would lop off his sprinkling hand! Niles takes a spoon and starts scooping cinnamon off the top of his coffee. Frasier: You know, I'd forgotten what a weird little person you are. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Five - Martin's Apartment Niles leads Frasier down the hall to Martin's door. Niles: Dad is going to be positively giddy when he sees that he's got the both of us tonight. [knocks "shave and a haircut"] Inside his apartment, Martin is sitting in his beloved Barcalounger - only here he has a matching couch, a dartboard on the wall - i.e., a fairly blue-collar dwelling. He's watching a baseball game on TV. Martin: Who is it? Niles: Niles, and a special guest! Martin: Oh, jeez... all right, hold your horses. Niles: [chuckling] How does he come up with those? [Martin opens the door] Look, Dad, it's Frasier! Martin: Well, I can see that. That punk didn't shoot out my eyeball. Niles: [chuckling] Stop it! [to Frasier] He sees the humor in everything. Martin: Frasier, come on in. Frasier: Thanks, Dad. [they come in] So, big game? Martin: Nah, they're losing again. Pitcher's a bum. Niles: He's a bum, he's an absolute hobo! [chuckling] Isn't that right, Skipper? Martin: Niles, are you drunk? Niles: [chuckling] Don't be ridiculous! Seeing the three of us back together again in the same room - who needs alcohol for that? Martin: I do. Frasier: I do. Martin: I'll get you a beer. Frasier: Thanks, Dad. Martin goes to the kitchen. Frasier: You filthy liar! You said he'd changed! Niles: Well, it got you here, didn't it? I've been dealing with him all by myself ever since Mom died. Now it's your turn, so welcome home, prodigal son! Martin: [o.s.] You guys want some pork rinds? Niles: And that's as close as you're going to get to a fatted calf. Frasier: No, thanks, Dad. Niles sits on the couch. Eddie jumps up and stares at him. Niles: Oh, will you stop staring at me? Martin comes back in and hands Frasier a beer. Martin: Here you go. Niles: Ah, well, I understand completely, Frasier. Dad, Frasier was just saying that he'd like to spend some quality time with you alone, so I'm just going to slip out. Martin: All right, suit yourself. Niles gets up to go. Eddie keeps staring at him. Niles: All right... oh, you haven't met Eddie. [picks up Eddie and turns him around to face Frasier] Eddie? Frasier is the firstborn. [Eddie stares at Frasier] The torch has been passed. Niles leaves. Martin sits down in his chair. The following conversation is filled with uncomfortable silences. Frasier: So... Martin: How was your flight? Frasier: Oh, actually, I drove. Martin: You take the I-Ninety? Frasier: Uh, Eighty. Martin: Should have taken Ninety, it would have got you here faster. Frasier: Darn. So, Dad, did you listen to my show today? Martin: No, I missed it. Sorry. Frasier: That's all right. Martin: How'd it go? Frasier: Well, uh, kind of rocky. Spent a good part of the day puzzling over the proper signature line to use to introduce myself. Martin: Well, I'm sure you'll come up with something. Frasier: Well, you know, I'm looking for something that's familiar but not a clich , you know, something that's memorable but not too gimmicky... [Martin turns on the television] You know, it doesn't really matter if it's got something to-Dad, please, I'm trying to have a conversation, it's hard with the TV on. Martin: Well, I just want to get the score, O.K.? Frasier: I'm trying to describe to you my dilemna with that phrase- Martin: [turns off TV] All right, fine, I'm listening. Are you happy? I'm listening. Frasier: That's it! "I'm listening!" That's fabulous! Have you got a pencil somewhere? Martin: Yeah, there's one in the kitchen on the table. Frasier: "I'm listening." Dad - oh, I love that! Frasier heads into the kitchen. Martin gets up and gets his jacket from the closet. Martin: Uh, look, I hate to cut this short, but I told some guys I'd meet 'em down at Duke's. Frasier comes out of the kitchen. Frasier: You're leaving? Martin: Yeah. Whenever you're ready, I'll walk you out. Frasier: Dad, I haven't seen you in two years, I stopped by and you're leaving in ten minutes? Martin: Oh, why don't we stop kidding ourselves? You don't really want to be here, and we don't really have anything to talk about. Frasier: At least I'm making the effort. Martin: Oh, yeah - it's an effort to talk to me, huh? Well, I guess that's why you only bother coming home once a year at Christmas. Oh no, wait! Sorry, I take that back. Last year you went to Arugalah, wherever the hell that is. Frasier: Dad, you know you're painting an awfully bleak picture here. Ever since I moved to Boston, I've come home at least three or four times a year. It's just lately things got a little hectic, and I haven't been able to come home as often. Martin: Yeah... I noticed how busy you got after your mother died. Frasier stiffens. That's a low blow. Martin: But, what the hell, I didn't go visit you in Boston either, did I? So, uh, why don't we just drop this? Frasier: No. The point is that we're here now, together. I don't want this night to end before we've at least tried to have one real conversation. Will you at least try, Dad? Will you just sit down with me for a while and let's try, please? Martin sits back in his Armchair. Frasier sits on the couch. There's silence for a few moments. Frasier: So, uh, you know, I'd forgotten how much it really does rain here. Martin: You get used to it. Frasier: Makes things green. Martin: Yeah... where would the old earth be without rain? Silence again. Frasier picks up the remote and turns the TV back on. Eddie continues to stare at him. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Six - Frasier's Apartment Back to the Present. It's now evening. Frasier is asleep in his chair, and Eddie is still sitting in his lap. Frasier wakes up and sees Eddie staring at him. Frasier: My darling, I would have thought that old fascination would wear off by now. He gives Eddie a great big kiss on the head. Eddie runs off. Niles and Martin come in the door. Niles: Well, hello, there! Martin: Hey! Frasier: Oh, hey, guys. Niles: Frasier, Dad tells me you've been on the air three years today, so we'd like to take you out for a celebratory dinner. Frasier: Well, thank you. Dad, how did you know? Martin: Well, I heard that woman who called in. Frasier: [surprised] You listened to my show? Martin: Well, I sort of... I feel asleep during the Mariners' game... but when I woke up, you were on. Frasier: And you didn't turn me off. Martin: I did not! I listened to you for ten minutes before I finally dozed off again. [laughs] Frasier: Faint praise, and yet it thunders in my ears! Daphne comes in with a handful of travel brochures. Daphne: Hello, Dr. Crane. Everyone ad-libs hellos. Martin: Hey, Daphne, we're going out to dinner. You want to join us? Daphne: Oh, thanks, but no. I promised myself that tonight I'd decide what I'm doing on my vacation - either home to the family or to sunny Acapulco. I may just squeeze into my bikini and let my hips make the decision. She goes to the kitchen. Niles rocks on his heels for a second. Niles: Of course, it would be more memorable if we celebrated at home, just for a- Frasier: Let's go, let's go! Frasier steers him to the door. Daphne comes back. Daphne: Have a lovely time! Frasier: Oh, fellas, hold the elevator for me. Niles: All right. Frasier: Daphne? Frasier sits Daphne on the couch next to him. Frasier: I was just thinking about our discussion earlier this afternoon, and I've decided to give you an extra week off. That way you can go to Manchester, and Acapulco. Daphne: Oh, that's so sweet! You really must think I should go home. Frasier: Well, I've just realized that being part of a family is really worth the effort. And very often the effort... means you'll need a week in Acapulco, so... Daphne: [kisses him on the cheek and hugs him] Thank you, Dr. Crane. Frasier: You're welcome. Daphne: [sighs] I guess if I try a little harder, it won't be so bad. Frasier: Well, that's a good way of thinking. You know, things can get better. Martin: [o.s.] Hey, let's go! I got acid burning a hole in my stomach! Daphne gives Frasier a look. Frasier: Still... would you mind leaving those brochures of Acapulco out for me? Daphne signals him "right" with the brochures. He goes out the door. END OF ACT TWO

Frasier and Roz celebrate the third anniversary of Frasier's show, and their time spent together making it, with presents: Roz gives Frasier a taped copy of the first ever episode of the show. Later that day, Frasier returns home to find Daphne on the phone to her mother, calling him a dictatorial tyrant who will not let her go home to Britain. She is trying to avoid having to make a visit. Frasier puts on the tape of his first ever show, and as his awkward voice starts, he remembers his first show and his early days back in Seattle.

fd_Justified_05x07

fd_Justified_05x07_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Just got transferred from the Harlan lockup. I'm Gretchen Swift. Ava: Ohh! You know, there's a rumor going around that a federal lawman was instrumental in the death of Nicky Augustine. Art: No sh1t. Raylan: It wasn't Barkley. And I can tell you that for a fact. Raylan: [ Groans ] Kendal: Couldn't wait to see me again, huh? Wendy: Let Ms. Brander do her job. Kendal: Talking to me is her job. Who else's wellness is she here to check on? Wendy: How long have you been going with that marshal? I have an eye for that sort of thing. [ Tires screeching ] Danny: [ Barking ] [ Door beeping ] [ Laughing ] Girl give you my message? [ Groans ] Boyd's got another shipment coming in. He's striking up a connection with the Mexicans. Well, sh1t. Boyd: I come in peace. Darryl: What you want? Boyd: I've got a job that needs doing. Both: What's the job? [ Gun cocks ] [SCENE_BREAK] Kendal: Hey, where y'all going? Danny: Nowhere. Darryl: Gonna make some money. You in charge while we gone. You up to it, right, little man? Danny: 'Course he's up to it. He's a man now, ain't he? Look after Chelsea while I'm gone. Darryl: You all right? Seem a little off the last few days. Kendal: No, I'm good. I'll take care of everything. Darryl: All right. Let me know. [ Indistinct conversations ] Five minutes left. Ava: I know. See, I know my guy ain't coming. In the beginning, they visit all the time. Then there's work emergencies, sick relatives. Last week, my guy had a "flat tire." That's why you ought to rely on the heavenly mother. She doesn't ever forget about you, leave you waiting. Ava: I'm not interested in religion, Penny. You interested in staying alive? Darryl: Ain't nobody here, man. Shh! Keep it down. Darryl: Hey, don't be shushing at me, man. Is you crazy? Boyd: Talk as loud as you want. Johnny ain't here. He's probably crossing the border as we speak. sh1t. What do you want to do? Boyd: I'm gonna do what I was always gonna do. I'm gonna book a one-way ticket to Mexico and bring back my 25 kilos of heroin. So what about them? On this lonely road Trying to make it home Doing it by my lonesome Pissed off, who wants some? I'm fighting for my soul God get at your boy You try to bogard Fall back, I go hard On this lonely road Trying to make it home Doing it by my lonesome Pissed off, who wants some? I see them long, hard times to come Raylan: [ Sighs ] Hey, Raylan. Heading to the cafeteria. You want something? Raylan: I'm good. You sure? They make these tasty little breakfast sandwiches. Raylan: Stick with coffee, thanks. Suit yourself. Which one of you do I talk to about my money? Like reward money? Deputy Givens handles walk-ins. Raylan: What's that? As per the chief. Excuse me, sir? Raylan: Can you just hold up a sec? 7:00 in the morning. Sorry. I thought you knew. Art's got you handling walk-ins now. That's why you're coming in so early. I really thought he told you. Raylan: It's all right. I'm good. Have a seat, mister, uh... Salmeron. Larry Salmeron. Raylan: So... Reward money. Backgammon money. Raylan: Backgammon money. Nearly $250,000 you people took from me. Raylan: Backgammon money. Have you heard of falafel, marshal? Raylan: Never cared much for it. Always found it kind of like a cut-rate hush puppy. Mr. Falafel is a backgammon player. Raylan: Oh. They have written about the man in magazines, and you could see for yourself if reading is something you enjoy. Now, I believe I rival Mr. Falafel in my online backgammon winnings... winnings which you and your colleagues took when you shut down my website of choice. Raylan: [ Clicks pen ] Can't say I recall having seized a website recently. You people arrested Charles Monroe, did you not? Seized his assets ...Raylan: Hold up. Monroe? How's Charles Monroe connect to this? He's the one that owned the site. Am I making sense to you yet, marshal? Are you connecting the dots? Raylan: What's the website? K-y-backgammon. Kentucky owned and operated. And Monroe had a local I.T. Genius working for... Raylan: Well... There you are. Yes, as I said, you've seized the site and taken my money. Raylan: No, see... There's two l's in "Marshall." Someone's screwing with you, Larry. Pretty sure if we took the site, we'd spell our name right. Well... Impersonating a federal agency is a crime. Probably an FBI thing. Tell you what... or you could just leave. Rachel: So you just let him walk out? Raylan: Should have chased him down, I guess. Maybe winged him in the leg, give us a blood trail to track him by. Rachel: Money in that site belongs to the marshals service. Been nice if you could have brought him in for a word. Raylan: Considering I found out I was covering walk-ins from Nelson while in the middle of a walk-in, I think I comported myself admirably. Rachel: Tim, did you not tell Raylan he was on walk-ins? Tim: Raylan, you're on walk-ins. Rachel: [ Sighs ] Per the chief. [ Cellphone rings ] Tim: So, Monroe has this genius, T.J., who apparently lacks the wherewithal to run a spell-check, operating the site for him. T.C. Tim: T.C., T.J., AC/DC. Whatever. What we think is, he cleaned out the cash, puts up a fake marshal site, and rides off into the nerd sunset. Raylan: So my walk-in wasn't entirely full of sh1t. I'll run him down, see if I can get more details. Rachel: Unh-unh. You already rubbed him the wrong way once. Better you go after this T.C. Guy and get his story. Raylan: You sure you can trust me with that? I mean, what happens if there's another walk-in? Rachel: Well, given your track record so far, I can't imagine we'll fare too much worse. Tim: Does this mean it's me and the backgammon dude? I'm just saying I'm more of a cribbage guy, is all. Rachel: Get it done. Tim: Yes, ma'am. [ Fighters grunting ] You gonna pay attention? Feel like I'm playing against myself here. Don't need to. I'm playing a girl. [ Fighters screaming ] [ Fighters grunting ] sh1t! Might as well be playing a 4-year-old Romanian orphan. Shithead. Careful! That's a pro series! It's worth more than you are! [ Knock on door ] What the hell? Oh, new client. Get the door. Don't you got enough going on already? Well, they said it's an emergency, and they're paying through the nose. Now get the damn door. [ Knock on door ] [ Keyboard clacking ] Hey, there. T.C. In? Damn it, Candace. C-come on in. You Kemp? Yeah. She do the website making with you? No, I do the programming. She makes the sandwiches. Now, what can I help you with? Denial of service attack? Denial of what? I-I... you better speak to Larry. I don't speak nerd. Are you the Mr. Fleming that ran K-Y-Backgammon for Charles Monroe? Looky here... he's going for a taser. Can you believe that? [ Chuckles ] I will aim to use words of one syllable, the word "syllable" not withstanding. You shut down that site, and you took my money. I want my money. Federal government did that, man. But they didn't. Now, my friend here specializes in making people pay their debts. I learned that the hard way three years ago. So, my advice is pay up now before, as you and your cohorts might say, "sh1t gets hairy up in here." Like I said, the feds took it. "Thug life," huh? [ Gun cocks ] [ Gasps ] Now, this... Will probably take that arm clean off. [ Panting ] He... he took it. He took the money. God damn it, Candace. She's the smart one. Money's all just ones and zeroes right now, okay? Look, it ain't like I just got it laying around here. Now, you guys do what you want, but you start beating on us, you ain't never gonna see a dollar of that cash. All right. But the thing is, I've been recording this conversation on my phone and will now be calling the police, who will hear your confession. They will get me my $250,000 while you get anally raped in prison. $250,000? You only gonna pay me $5,000? A deal is a deal, Mr. Kemp. Remember, I've got you on tape threatening that girl a minute ago. Aah! [ Gasps ] [ Panting ] Quarter mil, huh? We're asking your forgiveness that, in our misery, we have desecrated ourselves with booze or drugs or violence or men, looking for something that was right here all the time. O heavenly mother, our mama, you hear us when we say it... Amen! All: Amen! Amen. [ Buzzer ] You got any cigarettes? Ava: If I had any, I'd be smoking 'em. I'm Ava. I know who you are. Penny's been trying to witness since you got here. You wouldn't give her the time of day. Ava: Never really had any use for religion. 'Course not. Girl with your looks gets along just fine out there without giving any thought to her soul. Ava: But I ain't out there anymore. No. [ Exhales ] Missy, you are not. Ava: I've been listening to you talk. There's a lot of sense in it. You think I don't know why you're all of a sudden batting your eyes at me? You want protection, sanctuary. Keep these bitches from stomping you and cutting you and [Chuckles] worse. Ava: So what if I do? At least you're honest. What I preach in here, what I say in my prayers, I mean. You don't really seem to me like you're ready to hear about that just yet. Ava: I am willing to... no, no, no, that's okay. I get it. [ Sighs ] But this ain't the '70s, when the moonies and Jesus freaks got a pass. The reason we don't get jacked with is... We're the ones bringing in the drugs. Ava: Oh. Now, I don't hold with 'em, and don't none of us use 'em, but we do provide. That's why they leave us alone. You up for that? Ava: What do I have to do? Got some coming in today. Penny'll show you. Ava: I got to think it's dangerous. Only reason you offering me the job. It's got its downside. Like I said, Penny'll show you the ropes. Or you can go back to staring at a door, waiting on a man to save you. Somebody get me a cigarette. Johnny: You get anything on Hot Rod's bank account? Nah, the old-timer's still claiming we already got it all. Johnny: Yeah, well, he's lying out his ass, no doubt. I'll be back tomorrow, and we'll get him talking. Look, man, you already know if there's something to get, we gonna get it. I don't have no problem pulling a few teeth. So, how's Mexico? All the se oritas and tacos and sh1t? Johnny: It's dirty. Hey, what's up, man? You got something you need to tell Crowder? I'm driving. Johnny: Jay? What you mean you driving? You get me carsick. Johnny: Jay, I got to go. Where's Mr. Crowder? Johnny: Well, I'm Mr. Crowder... a different Mr. Crowder. Boyd sent you? Johnny: Actually, I'm here to outbid Boyd. I have something I'd like to discuss with Mr. Yoon personally. You think you can arrange that? You have the cash on you? Johnny: First I see Mr. Yoon, and then you see the cash. All right. Get in. Unh-unh-unh. Just you. The price of admission. Alison: Ms. Crowe? Wendy: Hi. Alison: Did you need to see me? Wendy: Let me ask you something. What kind of moves work best on Raylan? Alison: Excuse me? Wendy: I was just wondering... What kind of things get his motor... Going, you know? Alison: Are you joking right now? 'Cause if you're not, I-I got to say, you sound like you just stepped out of a bad country song, "I've got to come take my man." Wendy: Funny thing, though. Those are the songs that just get stuck in your head... "ear worms," I think is what they call them. Alison: Okay, so you're serious, then? Well, let me tell you... I don't foresee you learning anything more intimate about Raylan than you already have. Sorry you wasted your time coming all the way up from Harlan just to give me sh1t. Wendy: Oh, I didn't come up here to talk to you, Alison. I-I came to talk to your boss. Apologies for the precautions. Mr. Yoon loves this place, does everything he can to keep its location a secret. Boyd: No apologies necessary, Alberto. After all, a man's home is his castle. We'll return your firearm once we have conducted our business. Boyd: And here I thought we were all friends. That's what we thought. He'll be with you shortly. Boyd: Well, look at you. Even vultures can fly South for the winter. Johnny: How was Memphis? Boyd: Well, I'm afraid we weren't there long enough to enjoy it. Johnny: You want to tell me just how it was Hot Rod tipped you off? Boyd: Some questions don't get answered till the afterlife. Good news is, you'll find out soon enough. Johnny: [ Chuckles ] How much money you got in that bag, Boyd? $700,000? $800,000? [ Clicks tongue ] I am not the one in trouble here. In all my years of doing business, this is a first. And I don't mean that in a good way. Boyd: Uh, Mr. Yoon, uh, I want to apologize for this unfortunate set of circumstances. Now, if you will give me five minutes alone with this piece of sh1t, I will eliminate this bump in our road and get us back on easy street. Your cousin here claims he has vast resources at his disposal... to the tune of almost $40,000 a kilo. Boyd: Why, cousin Johnny, I don't see a briefcase anywhere. You got $1 million shoved up your ass? He says he can have it here with a simple phone call. Boyd: Mr. Yoon, if I hear a deal is too good to be true, more often than not, it's too good to be true. Johnny: It's not just the heroin, Boyd. No, I'm spending my money on something else. Boyd: Oh, yeah? What, is he gonna give you a reach-around? [ Chuckles ] Johnny: I'm buying your life. Boyd: Mr. Yoon, we had a deal. Now, I understand your Mexican cartels have a reputation, but let me tell you something... so do the rednecks in Kentucky. Well, I'm willing to take that risk. But until that briefcase arrives, I won't be taking any. Now, if his money is good, I'm going with him. If he can't deliver, then I'll take yours. How long is this liable to take? The money's in Bitcoins. I was moving it around online, you know? Covering the trail. That is not an answer, dot-com. [ Sighs ] Six hours, maybe eight, before I can turn it into cash. Why? 'Cause there's something looks like a cop just pulled up outside. You any ideas? Maybe your pal's call got through. Maybe you ought to go. All right, thanks for the tip. Come on. Get up. Get up! [ Panting ] Now, you get rid of that cop, and you call me when you got the money. I'm gonna give you eight hours before I start blowing pieces off this girl. That's being generous. [ Door opens ] Go on. Raylan: [ Sighs ] How y'all doing? What's that? Raylan: Just said, "how you doing?" I know you? Raylan: I'm deputy U.S. marshal Raylan Givens. Well, I'm Dr. Richard Kimble. Raylan: [ Chuckles ] So, you're all doing okay, then? Yeah. We're... we're just running a little late, so if you don't mind... Raylan: Have a good one. Yeah, you, too. Keep doing the lord's work. [ Lock clicks ] Raylan: T.C. Fleming? Yeah? Raylan: Deputy U.S. marshal Raylan Givens. I want to ask you a few questions. Yeah, I'm real busy. Raylan: You didn't ask about what. How about I just come down to your office tomorrow? Raylan: How about I come in now... we talk about it? What, are you just gonna come in like that? Raylan: Mm-hmm. Okay, dude, whatever. Raylan: Seem a bit jumpy. Got anything to do with that asshole I just ran into downstairs? Work emergency. About to become a civil-rights emergency, you just coming in here uninvited. You want to do a body-cavity search while you're at it? Raylan: I want to ask you about the website you ran for Charles Monroe. But now I'm thinking maybe you ought to come with me. Hey! [ Door slams ] Holy sh1t! Wow. Well, sh1t. Tim: Wait a minute. How many legs this guy have, again? Raylan: Just the one. Plus the prosthetic he took with. Tim: When he jumped out the window, thus escaping the scene of a murder. Raylan: He was surprisingly fleet. Tim: Huh. Rachel: What about the guy from the stairs? Raylan: What about him? Rachel: You think he was involved? Raylan: Sure. Why not? Tim: Between the one-legged evaporating computer nerd and the walk-in this morning, you're on fire today. Raylan: How is it art's not in here giving me sh1t on this? Hard for me to fathom his passing the opportunity. Shutdown notice isn't on the site anymore. Fleming replaced it with a link to his blog... a big, bold post about how he just made this marshal his bitch. Raylan: I'll find him. Rachel: No. Tim and I'll go after Hopalong. You see if you can run down the asshole from the stairwell. Raylan: Guy threw his leg out the window, jumped out, and then slid down a light pole, and then gave me the bird. Come on. I love this guy. Let me catch him. Rachel: Not this time, Raylan. Raylan: Is this "per the chief"? Rachel: What do you think? Tim: Catch up with your boy, we'll give you a call before we bust down the door. Raylan: Sure, I'll be right here on the edge of my seat. Hey, uh... uh... Chris, right? Yeah. Raylan: Is there any way to put a reply on T.C.'s blog? God, no. Technology to reply to a post is decades away. [ Cellphone buzzing ] Raylan: Hello, Alison. Suspended? Why? Wendy Crowe? Thought they'd be gone by now. [SCENE_BREAK] Boyd: So, you really got all that money? Johnny: You best believe it. Boyd: Well, I guess old hot rod must be in quite a state. Johnny: Hmm. He's seen better days. That's it? That's all you got to say? Not gonna use that silver tongue of yours, try and talk your way out of this? Boyd: A wise man once said, "what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun." Life we chose only ends one way. I been at peace with that for a very long time now. Johnny: Well, just so long as you know, I'm the man bringing you that peace. [ Chuckles ] Boyd: Well, I remember when you used to bring me a six-pack of beer. Things weren't always this ugly between us, Johnny. Johnny: I guess we remember things different. Boyd: Well, what about Jenna Wright? Huh? I remember you crushing on her pretty hard in high school, and I went out of my way to set that up. Johnny: [ Chuckles dryly ] Yeah, you did. And then you slept with her. Boyd: Huh. Well, it wasn't my fault you could only get to first base. Johnny: You only gave me two weeks. Boyd: Well, like I said, it wasn't my fault you could only get to first base. Johnny: Well, then, I will be sure to wait two weeks before I play ball with your beautiful fianc e. Boyd: Well, I guess there's something to be said for keeping it in the family. [ Vehicle approaches ] Guess we are going with you. [ Knife clicks ] Johnny: [ Sighs ] He is yours to do with as you please, as long as he is not killed on this side of the border. Johnny: I understand. I cannot stress that last part enough. Dead Americans in Mexico creates a problem for us. [ Breathes deeply ] I'm sorry things did not work out. Boyd: Not as sorry as I am. Alison: Woman looked up every court case my name appeared in, mapping out a "pattern of misconduct." And then she pulled out some chickenshit pot arrest from five years back... got overturned. Then there's you. Raylan: Me? Alison: It doesn't look good, you and me, especially after you went down there and punched Danny Crowe in the face. Raylan: That was Rachel. That was not me. Alison: Well, then you should call my boss and let her know. I'm sure that'll make all the difference. Raylan: Two weeks, huh? Alison: Yeah. Raylan: I could use two weeks off. Alison: That's funny. Raylan: Gives me plenty of time to make it up to you. Alison: Sure. Excuse me. Would you close us out? Sure. Alison: Thank you. I'm seeing some friends. Want to try and cheer me up. Raylan: How about I just come over with a bottle of blanton's and cheer you up the old-fashioned way? What? Alison: She said she was gonna alienate your affection by working her feminine wiles. Raylan: I'd like to see her try. Alison: [ Chuckling ] Meaning she doesn't have a hope in hell or you would like to see her try? Raylan: Not my type. Alison: Criminal family, tramp stamp... I thought that was exactly your type. Raylan: Tramp stamp? Alison: [ Scoffs ] Uh, Mr. Givens, I'm sorry, but your card was declined. Raylan: Oh, that's odd. Uh, the message on the screen said to destroy it. Raylan: I'm a deputy U.S. marshal. I can promise you it ain't stolen. I'm afraid I'm still gonna have to destroy it. Raylan: Yet you brought it back to the table anyway? And I still need payment for the drinks. Alison: Here. Thank you. Raylan: I'll pay you back. Alison: Mm-hmm. Raylan: So... [ Cellphone buzzing ] Alison: You should probably get that. It might be the credit-card company or... Someone with a tramp stamp you never noticed. Raylan: Givens. You having trouble with your card at the... Midnight Star saloon, deputy dipshit? Raylan: How's it going, T.C.? How's life as a fugitive? I just hope you're on a date. How's it feel... look like a chump twice in one day? Raylan: How'd you get my number? Man, I've been phone phreaking since I was 14. Raylan: I don't know what that is, but I'm guessing it means you weren't getting laid much. I just drained every one of your bank accounts, asshole. Now, you want that money back, you stop screwing up my life. It ain't like you're ever gonna catch me, anyway. Raylan: Are you kidding? We got a special squad for chasing guys like you. Deputies all missing limbs... make it fair. Yeah, you're giving up already, though, huh? At that bar, having a beer. Ooh, several beers. You an alcoholic, deputy? Raylan: I told you I was gonna get you tomorrow. I'll make it tonight if you'd like. Well, come and get me. Tim: Phone call you received was made over the Internet, and apparently the guy's using Wi-Fi from the hotel he's at. Raylan: Kind of stupid of him, ain't it? Tim: The guy's got skill enough to empty your bank account at will. He wasn't stupid, he'd be Steve jobs, right? Anyway, Chris traced it back to his room. Am I done? Tim: Fugitive task force is on its way. Raylan: Tell them not to do sh1t until I get there. Told T.C. I was gonna get him tonight. It's gonna be me coming through that door. Kendal: Hey, Wendy. Wendy: Hey, what's up? Kendal: I need to talk to you about something. Wendy: Look, I know I just got back, but it turns out I have to make a u-turn, head back up to Lexington, and fast. Is it important? Kendal: No. Wendy: All right. We'll talk later. Kendal: Get your damn hands off that bottle. There wasn't nobody here. What am I 'posed to do? Kendal: Man, go get a hand job or something. I'll get you in a minute. [ Sighs ] [ Cellphone ringing ] Yeah? Kendal: Hey, Uncle Jack? It's Kendal. And don't say, "Kendal who?" That joke ain't been funny since I was 6. How are you, kiddo? Kendal: I'm good... I guess. I was wondering where you were living now. Anywhere near Kentucky? [ Shower runs, stops ] This is Ava. She's gonna be taking over for me, starting next week. Wow! Milam met you yet? What am I, dog sh1t? [ Chuckles ] No, Penny. No, you're just... you know, meeting someone new. Ava: It's a pleasure to meet you, Rhyner. And so professional. Hey, Rhynes. You didn't have to do that. [ Chuckles ] Yeah, I know. You're, uh... you're Ava Crowder, right? Ava: Yep. Yeah, I been seeing you around. Looking forward to working with you. [ Chuckles ] All right, Penny, guess this is that farewell lap. You can go ahead and take the stuff to Judith. I'll be right behind you. He doesn't take long. Ava: Hey. This is every time? Don't worry. He's a nice guy. It's real big, but you'll get used to it. All right. Here you go, Ava. You sure you can't, uh, stay for a little bit? Ava: Yeah. I got to run. All right, then. [ Sighs ] [ Moaning in distance ] Too bad you had to make the trip out to... I never been on a sailboat. Uh, motorboats, uh, rowboats, sure, no problem. But I figured, "hey, how hard could it be?" How about you? You... you like the ocean? No, I think it's lame. 'Cause you've never been. I was born in Virginia beach. Yeah. Maybe we ought to swing by there and see your parents. You can introduce them to your new boyfriend. He got all his parts. [ Knock on door ] Speak of the devil. Tim: U.S. marshals! Got to do me like that for, man? Raylan: Where's Fleming? How the hell should I know? Raylan: He made a call from this room. Well, he ain't here. Raylan: sh1t. He's the only reason I came. Tim: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I heard you the first time. Okay. You ever notice Chris is kind of a dick? All right. Well, he says T.C. Fleming hacked the phone system, made it look like the call came from here. He could be anywhere. Raylan: Told me he was "phone phreaking" since he was 14. Tim: Sounds like a real winner. Raylan: He do that to your arm, or are you gonna tell me the big, ugly guy there did it? Don't hear me complaining. Tim: You ain't tired of getting knocked around? [ Scoffs ] sh1t, no. I give as good as I get. But I will tell you where he is. See, time to time, I do coding for T.C., proof his html. I'm pretty good. This guy Kemp comes in with a shitty attitude, T.C. Tells him I make the sandwiches. Mm-hmm. That's when I decided he was an asshole. [ Character grunting ] [ Keys jingle ] [ Lock clicks ] [ Sighs ] God damn it. Grandma, I told you! Raylan: Surprised you picked a basement to hide out in. Got no window to jump out of. [ Sighs ] That bitch. Tim: Well, if you're talking about grandma, she's actually kind of a hard-ass. Told us she hadn't seen you in weeks. Raylan: It was Candace that gave you up. Let's go. Up you go. No, no, no. We're gonna hold on to that. This could be used as a weapon. [ Sighs ] I can't believe she gave me up. I did send y'all to her rescue. Raylan: Said you disrespected her computer skills. What skills? She's a shitty coder. Raylan: How'd you lose your leg? Cancer when I was 14. How much time you think I'm looking at here? Raylan: I don't sentence you. I just take you to jail. Man, I should have just run off with that money as soon as I had it. Raylan: You already went on a shopping spree, judging by your place. What, you mean all the tvs and sh1t? Raylan: Uh-huh. No, I won all that stuff, man. Raylan: "Price is right"? I'm caller number seven. Raylan: What? You know, radio stations that give sh1t away, and they're like, "caller number seven wins a TV" or "caller nine gets a car." Well, I'm always caller number seven. Raylan: The "phone phreaking" thing, huh? Hey, you know, I'm gonna get you all your money back. I'm gonna fix all your credit cards as soon as they let me get to a computer. Raylan: You think I'm gonna put a good word in for you, you get me back what's already mine? Well, I don't know. Hey, what if I teach you how to be caller number seven? Raylan: Money's in the evidence locker, and they're looking at that guy Kemp for the murder. Rachel: Great. [ Inhales deeply ] Art wanted me to tell you... uh, that thing with Darryl Crowe's parole isn't gonna happen. The sister complained to the judge down in Florida. Judge reiterated that Darryl's legally free to move as he pleases. Art: Don't feel like you have to knock or anything. Raylan: You want me to go back out and knock? Art: No, you're here now. Did you get your guy? Raylan: You know I got my guy. Art: Well, good. I guess we're done, then. Nice talking to you. Raylan: Art... Art: What? [ Sighs ] Raylan: Is this the way it's gonna be now? Now until you retire, I'm gonna be on sh1t duty, getting my orders "per the chief," instead of hearing them from you? Art: What if it is? Raylan: Then I don't know what I'm doing here. I don't need this sh1t. Put me on walk-ins? Come on, Art. Art: Raylan, if you don't like the way I'm running things, you can always quit. Raylan: Bullshit. I ain't gonna quit. Art: Well... Raylan: You're gonna get back to treating me like a deputy. Art: [ Scoffs ] Raylan: Or transfer me. Art: Okay. I'll call Dan tomorrow, see if he's got a spot for you. Raylan: Oh, I didn't mean Florida. I meant anywhere... anywhere that gets me out of this bullshit. Art: [ Inhales deeply ] [ Exhales deeply ] Raylan: Sooner the better. Art: Okay. Well, I got one or two things preceding that on my shit-to-do list, so you'll forgive me if I don't process this right now, while you're standing here in my office, uninvited. Raylan: I got some vacation time. Starting tomorrow, I'm gonna go down to Florida, see my kid. When I get back... One or the other. Art: Going to see your kid, huh? Raylan: Mm-hmm. Art: Going on your own dime this time? Raylan: No, chief. I won it on a radio contest. Art: [ Sighs ] [ Indistinct conversations ] Plumber got caught with drugs on his way out. Ava: sh1t. "sh1t" is right. Keep it to yourself. Once word gets out, girls find the heroin's dried up, might get ugly. Ava: What if I can keep it from drying up? That change the equation at all? You saying you can get heroin? Ava: That's what I'm saying. Look here. Girl bit me, took out a chunk. I knocked four of her teeth out after that. Got this one from an Aryan. Toothbrush shiv. Not your friend Gretchen... before her time. Quarter inch deeper, and I'd be dead. I'm too old to live this life again, and you sure as hell ain't cut out for it. Ava: I got a few scars of my own. You say you can get the dope... You better be right. Just remember, the hardest part ain't getting the drugs. It's getting them inside. And maybe it's a coincidence... Rhyner gets busted the day I introduce the two of you. I hope to God almighty you didn't risk all our lives to keep from having to screw a guard. You really can get the dope... I might have a way to get it in. Ava: [ Exhales shakily ] Raylan: Aren't you tired of cleaning up Darryl's messes? Wendy: Well, we're family. Raylan: I've been thinking family loyalty probably don't go so far with you Crowes. Wendy: That right? That's why you think I drove all the way up here from Miami, left my life, to go get back my little brother after you snatched him up? Raylan: You cared so much about Kendal, he'd be back in Miami with you right now. Wendy: Just like how you're down in Florida with your little girl right now, you mean? Raylan: Know I've got a kid, huh? Wendy: Yeah. I've looked into you. Raylan: And I've looked into you, too. You've been registered at some third-tier law school since the early part of this century, never quite able to complete. I'm assuming that's 'cause Darryl keeps dragging you back into his sh1t. Wendy: Wow. I have to admit... I find your blatant abuse of government privilege incredibly sexy. Raylan: [ Chuckles ] Wendy: [ Chuckles ] Raylan: Help me get Darryl. He's in jail, means he's not in Miami, messing up your life. You can finally finish law school. Wendy: Mm. You really think I'd betray my family, huh? Raylan: Sometimes it's best to cut the anchor loose, save yourself. Hell, Darryl knows that better than anyone... why he killed Dilly. Wendy: He what, now? Raylan: Well, what'd Darryl tell you? He's living in a nice home at some farm somewhere? Anyway... Wendy: What, so that's your offer, huh? Raylan: That's my offer. Wendy: Now, is that your final offer, or would you like to keep negotiating? Raylan: [ Sighs ] Wendy: 'Cause I've got a table and two chairs up in my room... booze, too, if you need it. Raylan: You don't have to decide right away. Take a week or two. Think about it. Oh, and could you get the tab? Having trouble with my card. [ Engine shuts off ] Johnny: Here we go! Hey, big "D." You boys want to do the honors? I can show my cousin what he lost. Get 'em! Get back! Get down! Go! Get down! Don't look at me! Get your head down! Don't you look at me! Get down! Get down! Don't look up! Johnny: God damn. You was in on this the whole time. Boyd: Well, it turns out some people still give a sh1t about what kind of person they do business with. Johnny: Why didn't you just kill me? Boyd: Because we wanted to make sure we had your money, and like the man said, no bodies drop in Mexico. Johnny: [ Groans ] Boyd: Now, the rest of you are welcome to go back to our original agreement. You get this product back in the U.S. You go back to working for Hot Rod. How does that sound right about now? I think we're good with that. Johnny: I'm guessing that don't apply to me. Boyd: No, cousin, it does not. You know, what you could never understand is that some men lead and some men follow, and when you can't lead and you refuse to follow, you die alone in the desert... just not this desert. Now put this piece of sh1t in the back of that truck. Yep. Danny: Don't do it! Boyd: No! No! No! No! No! What the hell are you doing?! Danny: He pulled on me! Darryl: Why did you do that?! Danny: I didn't have a choice! Johnny: [ Laughs ] Good luck getting that sh1t out of Mexico. Boyd: [ Breathing heavily ] [ Sighs ] Danny: Boyd, I didn't have a choice. Boyd: Don't you say another goddamn word. Tell Mr. Yoon we have a problem.

Boyd and the Crowes fly South for a crucial drug score, while Raylan pursues a small time grifter with big time enemies.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_06x19

fd_One_Tree_Hill_06x19_0

on "One Tree Hill"... Mouth : I could have sent that to you. Millicent : I came to get my car. I'm driving it back. Mouth : I guess this is goodbye for a while, then. Millicent : Actually, it's goodbye forever. Deb : I think we should end this ... us. You deserve more than this. Mrs Rimkus : You'll address your literature class and explain that you were wrong. Haley : And if I don't? Mrs Rimkus : You'll be fired. Haley : I should probably say goodbye. Sam : I'm glad you're here. Julian : I said I loved you, and you didn't say it back. And I said it was fine, but it wasn't. Brooke : I don't want you to go. Julian : But I have to. Lucas : If continuing this pregnancy means I lose you, then we end it. Peyton : I'm having this baby. Lucas : We're having this baby. AT LUCAS'S HOUSE Nathan : Up and at 'em. Lucas : What? Nathan : It's a beautiful day ... you, me, Jamie, the river court. Come on. Let's go, chop-chop. Lucas : I thought I'd go shoot a round with Nate and Jamie. Think you'll be okay? Peyton : Honey, you don't have to check up on me every five minutes, even though I do love you for it. Lucas : I know. I guess it's just 'cause, well, I'm the only one who knows. Peyton : I know. I know. I should tell Brooke the whole "no secrets" thing. Maybe I will. You go play. Lucas : Okay. I love you. Peyton : Yeah, I sort of like you, too. AT PEYTON'S STUDIO Haley : It's kind of quiet in here. Peyton : Yeah, Mia had a couple of gigs left on the schedule, but the label really loves that new song I sent. Haley : Another one? Geez, that's girl's been a writing machine since she hooked up with chase. Peyton : True, but the song they're really crazy about is "feel this" by Haley James Scott. Haley : Dude, you totally thudded me! Peyton : Right. I'm sorry. I didn't know I wasn't supposed to be promoting your career. Haley : Well, it depends on what they said. Peyton : Uh, they said... they want more. And they're really excited about the new promotional angle. Haley : Which is what, exactly? Peyton : The singing maverick teacher that punched out the principal and slept with a student. Haley : I never hit anyone. And that other thing was seven years ago. I was a tutor. Peyton : Oh, okay. Sorry, I had to stretch it a little bit. How's the new stuff coming? Haley : Nium Peyton : Nium. Why? Haley : 'Cause I keep thinking I should be in third-period English and wondering how my kids are doing. * I keep thinking of you * AT TREE HILL SCHOOL Mrs Rimkus : congratulations. You set a new record for failing. Jack : We didn't fail. You failed. Bring back miss Scott. Mrs Rimkus : You ... detention in my office, um. Jack : Here's how little you know ... I'm not even in this class. You shouldn't be, either. Mrs Rimkus : Anyone else? Sam : He's got a point. Maybe we wouldn't be failing if you hadn't fired our teacher. Mrs Rimkus : Watch it, or you'll be joining your friend, Mr. No-name. Sam : All I'm saying is that either we all got instantly dumber, or you should have been a little bit smarter. I'll see myself out. Sam : We need to teach Rimkus a lesson. And just to be clear, by "lesson," I don't mean throw on a ski mask and beat the crap out of her. AT MOUTH'S HOUSE Skills : Pack a bag. We taking a road trip. Mouth : I'm sleeping. Skills : No, what you're doing is feeling sorry for yourself because your girl broke up with you, because I've been doing me de same dame thing. Now pack that bag. Mouth : Dude, I'm sleeping. Skills : You can sleep in the car. Now, you want to ask where we going? Mouth : Where are we going? Skills : To fix your broken heart. Now move your feeling-sorry-for-yourself ass. Let's go. Mouth : Hey, man! Skills : Let's go! Mouth : No! * I've been thinking of you a lot * AT THE RIVER COURT Lucas : Nice! All right, now go in for a lay-up. Jamie : Piece of cake. Lucas : Nice! Nathan : Nice. Lucas : Kid's growing up fast. Nathan : Tell me about it. He's been asking a lot of questions lately. All of a sudden we're supposed to be the grown-ups that have all the answers. Lucas : Birds and the bees already? Nathan : That would be easier. No, they're actually, um ... they're about Keith. Ever since Dan admitted to Jamie that he killed Keith, join the club. Actually, I was thinking maybe you could help. He feels bad he never got to meet Keith. You knew him better than anybody. I thought maybe you could talk to him. Lucas : You know what, I've got a better idea. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Julian : Hey! Brooke : Hi. Did you come to say goodbye? Julian : Well, I was thinking maybe this didn't have to be goodbye. Brooke : What does that mean? Julian : You said you didn't want to be a footnote in someone else's love story. Well, maybe it's time we write our own epic love story. This time tomorrow, we could be walking on a beach in Malibu. Brooke : But what about Sam? I can't leave her here. Julian : Yeah, I thought you'd say that. And I agree. Brooke : Julian. Julian : Look, I know you're gonna come up with a million reasons why you shouldn't. So I'm just gonna give you this one why you should. I love you... Brooke Davis. Come with me. * You're on my mind * AT PEYTON'S STUDIO Brooke : Guess what. Your ex-boyfriend just asked Sam and Ii to go with him to L.A. Tonight. Peyton : Jake? Brooke : This isn't funny. Peyton : I mean, that's a really big deal. It is good, though, right? Brooke : No. It would be ridiculous to go with him. I ... I have a store to fill. My friends are here. My life is here. And what about Sam? You know, my parents did the same thing to me when I was in high school. When they left, I was going out with Lucas. And now he's the father of your baby. And you're pregnant, and I'm your maid of honor. How could I leave you? Peyton : Brooke, I'm gonna be fine, okay? You should go. Brooke : We came back here for each other, P. Sawyer. Peyton : Hon, no. You came back here for me, and I love you for that. But I want you to be happy! This is what you want, right? Brooke : I want more time to figure out what I want. Do you remember how unhappy you were in L.A.? Peyton : Well, yeah, 'cause I was alone, because the boy that I loved asked me to be with him, and I said no. So just think about that, all right? And whatever you decide to do, I want you to know I love you. Brooke : And what if it doesn't work out? Peyton : What if it does? AT KEITH'S AUTO SHOP Jamie : Where are we? Lucas : When I was your age, Jamie, this used to be my favorite place in the whole world. Jamie : Why? Lucas : Well, this is your great-uncle Keith's auto shop. Well, the guy that owns it now ... he gave me a key so I can come whenever I want. Jamie : Cool. Lucas : Hey, whoa, uh, be careful. Nathan : This was a great idea, Luke. Lucas : Yeah, well, the mustang needs a tune-up anyway. Nathan : All right, I'll pull it in. Lucas : Hey, Nate, uh, I wanted to ask you... when Haley was pregnant, did you ever worry about all the things that could go wrong? Nathan : Of course. Just ... Stay off the internet. It's full of horror stories. Haley looked up one of her symptoms one time and was convinced Jamie was gonna be born with two heads. You know what the doctor told us? Childbirth is the ordinary miracle. You can't believe it happens every day. Jamie, do you want to help me pull the mustang in? Jamie : Cool. Are we gonna work on it? Nathan : Of course. Jamie : Can I help? Nathan : Yeah, come on. Jamie : Sweet! ON THE ROAD Mouth : Hey. Did you get one of those for me? Thanks. I need it. I've been so exhausted lately. Skills : Yeah, that's 'cause you've been depressed. But tonight, all that's gonna change, my brother. Tonight, no sleeping ... well, unless sleeping with horny coeds counts. Big college party tonight, baby. Mouth : What college? Skills : Your alma mater. Mouth : What? Skills, Gigi goes there. Skills : I know. You just texted her and told her you was rolling through. Mouth : No, I didn't. Skills : And she texted you back and said how excited she was to see you. Mouth : Dude, where's my phone? Skills : Bam! Mouth : "Your ass is so fine"? Skills : Thank you. Mouth : No, I mean you texted that to her? Skills : It's all good, man. She liked it. Mouth : Gigi's the reason I lost Millie in the first place. Skills : No, you're the reason you lost Millie in the first place. Now it's time for you to have some wild-ass, no-strings-attached s*x. And Gigi is the one for that. Mouth : Turn the car around. Skills : Mouth, look. You're not the only one that needed this trip. Do it for me, okay? The second you want to bounce, I promise, we out of there. Mouth : "You dirty little freak"? Skills : That one came from her. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : Sam, Jack, what are you guys doing here? Sam : Oh, we wanted to see you. Haley : How did you get in? Sam : I'm good with windows. Haley : Why aren't you guys in school? Jack : Rimkus kicked us out. Haley : Sorry, but I can't have two students in my house during school hours. Sam : Good, 'cause it's not just us two. Haley : Okay, so, does anybody want to tell me why an entire English-literature class is in my "I wish you would have called so I could straighten up first" living room? Jack : You ever see "dead poets society"? Haley : Oh, my god, who died? Sam : We took a stand for a popular teacher ... you. Haley : You guys, I'm really touched, but principal Rimkus is gonna lose her mind if you don't get your butts back behind those desks. Sam : We're not learning anything there. She just she just handed back our papers on "catch-22," and we all got D's and F'S. We want you back. Haley : I feel your pain. I really do. But just think about it from her perspective. Walking out on her isn't gonna make her respect you anymore. Sam : Who cares? I mean, nobody likes her. She doesn't even know our names, and she's a total bitch. Haley : Hey, watch your language in my... house, Missy. Listen, I really appreciate you guys' initiative and your heart. Sam : Thank you. Haley : But this is not the right thing to do. You have to go back to school. Sam : We all know Rimkus screwed you, and she's wrong. I mean, look at the difference you made for me... for Quentin? Haley : Sam, a teacher doesn't have to be your friend or even somebody that you like. In fact, out in the real world, you meet a lot of people that you're gonna disagree with, and you have to learn to work with them. Sam : Okay, um... how about we disagree with you and you learn to work with us? Because we're not leaving here until you teach us something. AT THE PARTY Skills : Man, I miss school. I see why, too. What's up, little mama? Ooh, look at this one. What's up, silky? Hey, yo, I'm gonna holler at you later. I got you. Hey, look, man, I'm about to go fix my broken heart. I suggest you do the same. You seen Gigi around here anywhere? Mouth : Yep. Alls : ... 28,29,30! Gigi : Mouth! Oh, I loved your texts. Mout : Hey. Gigi : We got to do a keg stand! Mouth : Gigi, it's still light outside. Gigi : I know, but not for long. Bottoms up. Alls : 1,2... 3,4... Skills : Let's go, Mouth! You got this, baby! AT KEITH'S AUTO SHOP Jamie : Got it! Lucas : All right. There you go. Good job, Jamie. Nathan : All right. Jamie : This is fun. Nathan : Plus, if you can fix cars, you're gonna score major points with the ladies, like miss Lauren. Jamie : I thought we weren't gonna talk about that. Nathan : Oh, that's right. I'm sorry. You moved on. What's the, uh ... what's the piano girl's name ... Madison? Jamie : Dad. Lucas : You know, Jamie, it's okay. My uncle Keith used to tease me all the time about Peyton. Jamie : Really? Why? Lucas : Well, it's just what guys do when they work on cars together. They tease each other about girls, you know? It's like your dad here. You know, he had to trick your mom into liking him by pretending he needed tutoring. Nathan : I wasn't pretending. I was dumb as a post, Jamie. Jamie : Hey, whatever happened to aunt Lindsey? Lucas : Put the spark plug back in, you goof. All right, buddy, you ready? One, two... Jamie : Three! I...there! AT THE PARTY Gigi : Come on, boys. Girl : Drink up, baby. Skills : Okay, sexy city. That's yours. Drink it! Millicent/Gigi : Having fun, Marvin? AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : So, next we have Orr. Now, how would you describe this character? Anyone. Jack. Jack : Uh well, he's always trying to crash his plane. Um, it makes him seem kind of stupid or nuts or suicidal. Haley : But is he? Jack : No, he's, uh, working on a plan to escape. Haley : Which means? Jack : He's the smartest, the least crazy. Haley : Yes! That's it! Sam : Did you read the book? Jack : Saw the movie. Haley : So, do we see how this relates to our theme now? Sam : Yeah, catch-22 ... it's another contradiction on how messed up the world can be. If Rimkus had made it this interesting, we wouldn't have all gotten F'S. Mrs Rimkus : You think? AT JULIAN'S HOTEL ROOM Julian : It's open. Did you come by to beg me to stay? Peyton : Brooke said you asked her to go to L.A. Julian : Did she? Peyton : I really hope you're serious, because she hasn't been serious about anybody in a long time. Julian : You haven't trusted me since the day I came to town. Peyton : Because you looked like you had an ax to grind. Julian : Maybe I did. But somewhere along the line, this place changed me. Brooke changed me. I told Brooke I love her because I do. I invited Sam because I want us to be a family. I wouldn't have it any other way. Peyton : All right. For the record, I do believe you. So... I hope it works out. Julian : Thank you. Wait, she didn't happen to mention which way she's leaning, by any chance? Peyton : No. Julian : No, she's not going, or, no, she didn't mention it? Peyton : I really have no idea what she's gonna say. But I do know this .. if Brooke says no, it won't be because she doesn't care for you. She has been very protective of her heart for a long time. She's afraid. AT TRIC Chase : L.A.? Woo, That was fast. Brooke : I know. It's crazy, right? Chase : Maybe, maybe not. I guess that means Owen's out of the picture? Brooke : Uh, Owen had a problem with Sam. Chase : Or maybe you just didn't let him in. Brooke : So he let himself into my assistant? Chase : You know, when you left for New York, sometimes I wish I'd gone after you. Brooke : So you're saying I should go? Chase : I don't know. I mean, I didn't go. And eventually I found Mia, and she's been great. Brooke : So you're saying I should stay. Chase : I guess I'm trying to say you'll always be able to find someone, Brooke. I mean, come on. Look at you. Brooke : Thank you. Chase : But you remind me of that Springsteen line ... there were ghosts in the eyes of all the boys you sent away. Figure out what you want, Brooke. But until you let someone in, you'll always be alone. * missing * * missing * AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Mrs Rimkus : Well, well what's this ? Haley : Apparently, English lit Mrs Rimkus : I saw the mass exodus pass my window. Back to school now. Jack : You can't suspend us all. Mrs Rimkus : No, but we can start with you, Mr. Daniels. Who's next? Haley : Okay, can I speak with you in my kitchen, please? Uh, I realize I'm probably in no position to give you advice. Mrs Rimkus : Last I checked, you had no position at all. Haley : See? That's ... that's it right there, the way that you speak to me and the way you speak to them. These are not third-graders. They're young adults. Mrs Rimkus : And? Haley : And you have to treat them that way. If you give them a class they want to be in, they will come to you. Okay, you guys, third-period English lit is over. I'm serious, and it's not in my dining room. It's back at school. Tomorrow, I expect all of you to be back in principal Rimkus' classroom. It's the right thing to do, and you know it. Mrs Rimkus : You left some things in my classroom. I'd like them gone by the end of the day. AT THE PARTY Skills : Man, Marvin McFadden, you disappoint me. College girls ... good. Alcohol ... good. Pajamas ... good. Where the hell is your head at? Mouth : In New York AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Sam : So, jack, this wasn't your worst idea ever. Jack : Kids always like an excuse to blow off school. Sam : Yes, but it was still a nice thing you did for me, and I appreciate it. Jack : Eh, you know. Well, it's just payback. I mean, you took the fall when I shoplifted. Sam : Thank you. Jack : Yeah. You, too. Haley : Okay, you two, thank you so much for staying behind and cleaning up, but you have to go back to school, also. Jack : Not me. I'm suspended. Haley : Go! Sam : Bye, miss Scott. AT KEITH'S AUTO SHOP Jamie : Hey, uncle Lucas, who am I? Lucas : Wow, it's mini Keith. Jamie : Uncle Keith must have been so cool. Lucas : Yeah, well, not just for his unique sense of style. Come here. You know, your great-uncle Keith was the best guy I knew. He was always good to me and my mom. He always helped me out whenever I was struggling. Jamie : Sounds a lot like you, uncle Lucas. Lucas : I don't know about that. What I do know is that he loved me and he was proud of me, just like I love you and I'm proud of you. Maybe you're right. How about you fire her up? Jamie : Me? Really? Lucas : Yeah. Lucas/Nathan : Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah Lucas : All right, Jamie! AT THE PARTY Skills : Double "G" is looking for you. Mouth : Things were so much less implicated in college. Skills : How so? Mouth : I remember walking these halls, hoping that someday I'd be a sportscaster... Skills : okay, you got that. Mouth : That I'd have a full life, good friends. Skills : You definitely got that. Mouth : And every night before bed, I'd wish that someday I'd find the right girl, a good girl, you know? Someone who loved me as much as I loved her back. Skills : I don't suppose that girl's name is Gigi. Okay, I made you a promise. Let's go. You okay to drive? Mouth : Dude, I haven't had a drink for hours. I've never been so sober. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Haley : What, is your next line inspired by "Twilight"? Brooke : There is no next line. Have you looked around? I might as well go back to selling coffee here. Haley : Oh, gee, that seems like a lifetime...ago. What's going on with you? Brooke : Everybody else has families and kids and careers, and ... I have this. Haley : Brooke, don't sell yourself short. You've got all of us. You've got a godson who loves you. And the reason why I came by today was to tell you about something really rare that I saw. Guess what it was. Brooke : A unicorn. I've always wanted to see a unicorn. Haley : Even more rare than that. It was a group of students who wanted to study more. They came over to my house this afternoon, during school, and guess who was their leader. Sam. It's amazing how far she's come since I found her sleeping in the backseat of a car. She's socialized. She's a solid student. She's writing. I think she has a budding romance with jack happening, too. And they stayed behind to clean up the mess after everybody left. Brooke : Well, that's a lot more than she did when she trashed this place and Peyton's gown. Haley : That's why I wanted to tell you ... because you should be proud of her and of yourself. All that girl needed was a stable environment, and you gave it to her. Brooke : Yeah thanks. AT THE BAR Sam : Oh, you again. Julian : Oh, no, no, don't let me interrupt your flow. I want you to keep writing. Sam : Oh, yeah? Julian : I loved this story you wrote. My only note would be ... More, please. Sam, you have what most writers would kill for. Sam : A troubled childhood? Julian : A voice ... you have stories to tell. All you need is a little structure. Sam : Thank you. Can I still call you when you're in L.A.? Julian : I totally meant it when I invited you, too. Sam : Invited me where? Julian : Uh, I gave Brooke two plane tickets... for you guys to come with me to L.A. Sam : When? Julian : Tonight. I guess she didn't tell you. Sam : Nope. AT PEYTON'S STUDIO Haley : Geez, I thought Brooke was in a dark place. Peyton : Oh, god, I didn't realize how late it d gotten. Got a little carried away drawing. What's up? Haley : I don't think I've been honest with you. One of my classes came over to my house today, and I realized that, um, the reason I've been dragging my heels when it comes to committing to my next record is that I really love teaching. Peyton : Well, you may feel different when you're teaching to an entire stadium of students with your music. And besides, you still have a really great student in Mia. You did a wonderful thing in discovering her, and it makes me feel really good to know that you're always gonna be there to guide her. Haley : Well, so will you. Peyton : Well, yeah, but, I mean, when the baby comes, I'm not gonna be around as much. Haley : We're still a team, though, right? Peyton : Of course. ON THE ROAD Skills : Man, these college girls are nasty. Mouth : Can I ask you something? How are you dealing with this so well so fast? I'm dying here. Skills : It still hurts, bro. I mean, it always does. But you know what I do? Mouth : You freaky text and watch p0rn? Skills : No, I just tell myself that if Deb is the one, then she'll come back. And if not, then I'm all good because I know she's still out there ... the right one. I just haven't met her yet. Mouth : You once told me if a girl dumps you, she's not the one. Maybe Nathan's mom just wasn't the one. Okay, sorry. That sounded weird. Skills : P-pull over. It's my turn to drive. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Sam : So, I might be moving to L.A. Jack : Since when? Sam : Uh, since Julian invited Brooke and me. Don't freak out. Jack : When would you be going? Sam : Tonight. Jack : Well, that'll be pretty cool. Right? Sam : Yeah. Listen, I know this sucks for us, but I really want to do this for Brooke. Jack, she's done so much for me. Jack : Then I guess you should go. Sam : Better start packing. Jack : Sam. I just... wanted to do that, um, in case I didn't ever get the chance...to. AT KEITH'S AUTO SHOP Jamie : I'm sad I never got to meet uncle Keith. Lucas : Yeah, I'm sad about that, too, buddy. Jamie : And I'm sorry about what grandpa Dan did. Nathan : Yeah. We all are, Jamie. Jamie : Am I still allowed to miss grandpa Dan? Lucas : Yeah, Jamie. Jamie : Yeah. I like it here. You bring something broken, and you fix it up. Lucas : I always liked it here, too. IN FRONT OF THE HOTEL Skills : Mouth, wake up. Mouth : Where are we? Skills : At Millie's place. Mouth : What? How? Skills : Well, maybe the texting I was doing before was actually with Brooke, and maybe Brooke just hooked me up with Millie's address. Mouth : Why? Skills : I told you this morning we was going to fix your broken heart. So, go fix it. AT TREE HILL SCHOOL Haley : Oh, sorry. Um, I just came by to pick up some of my stuff. Mrs Rimkus : Pulling an all-nighter? Your students walked across town to be taught by you. It's hard to get them to walk down the hall for most classes. Haley : Yeah. Well... Mrs Rimkus : Would you ever consider... Haley : I love teaching, but I would never sacrifice my beliefs to do it. You fired me right here in front of all my kids just because you could. So, congratulations, principal Rimkus. You made a good teacher who want to teach and good students not want to learn. You be proud of that. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Lucas : I wish that I could get over things as easily as Jamie. Nathan : Well, it's easier when you're 5. Lucas : Yeah. You know, when I see you with Jamie, I think, if my little brother can be such a good father, then maybe I'll be okay, too. Nathan : Of course you will. And besides, you got a hell of a head start being raised by Keith. Look at today. You're already doing it with Jamie. You'll be great. Lucas : Thanks. I needed a day like today ... service and repair. Nathan : Service and repair. IN FRONT OF THE HOTEL Millicent : Marvin. Mouth : Hi. Millicent : What are you doing here? Mouth : I was just in the neighborhood. Actually, that's not true. I'm ... I'm here because I can't live without you, Millicent Huxtable, and I don't want to anymore. And I'm sorry. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : What are you doing? Sam : Julian told me he invited you to L.A. So I packed your bag. Brooke : No, he didn't invite me. He invited us. Hang on. Sam : I packed my stuff, too. I just didn't know if you wanted me to come. Brooke : Sam, you have school. Sam : They have schools in L.A. Brooke : You have jack. You have a life here. This is a stable environment. Sam : I'm a survivor. I'll roll with it. Brooke : You shouldn't have to keep rolling with anything. That was the whole point of you coming to live with me. Sam : He loves you. He's a great guy. He wants us all to try it out together. Don't you get it? Most people dream of this moment. Why aren't we already out the door? Brooke : Because most people don't leave their lives behind to run off to California with someone that they have only known for a month, Sam ... that's why. Sam : Brooke, you're a good person, a cool designer, and a kick-ass mom, but ... Sometimes you're your own biggest enemy. You're 22. You have your whole life ahead of you. You have this awesome dude at the airport who loves you! God, you have to go. You have to. * I want to rock 'n' roll * * I want to give my soul * * I'm wanting to believe * * I'm not too old * * don't want to make it up * * don't want to let you down * * I want to fly away * * I'm stuck on the ground * AT THE AIRPORT Julian : Where's Sam? Brooke : She's not coming. Julian : You're not coming. Brooke : I have a life here, and Sam has her life here. Julian : It's okay. Brooke : It's not okay. And it doesn't ... I mean ... Julian : Brooke. Brooke. It's okay. If this were a movie, it would end different. But life's not a movie. I guess that makes two films that didn't work out. (Final boarding call for flight 406 to Los Angeles.) Julian : Goodbye, Brooke Davis. AT THE BAR Jack : I guess we're not going to L.A. Sam : So... about that kiss... Jack : Well, this is awkward. AT LUCAS'S HOUSE Lucas : Hey. Peyton : Hi. Lucas : Now, that was a good day. Peyton : Yes, it was. Lucas : You tell Nathan? Peyton : No. Brooke? Peyton : No. Lucas : Yeah, well, there's always tomorrow. Peyton : Yeah. Hey, I'll be in, in just a second, okay? Lucas : Okay. (You don't know me.) (It's you Peyton) (And now we can have it.) (You didn't even let me ask) * Too many years of dying * * why is that? * * And so help me decide * * Help me to make up, * * make up my mind * * wouldn't that save you? * * And so help me decide * * help me to make up, * * make up my mind * * wouldn't that save you? * * Save you wouldn't that save you? *

Julian asks Brooke to move to LA with him. Lucas brings Nathan and Jamie to an important place from his past, while Peyton prepares for the future. Sam and Jack take a stand against the principal who fired Haley. Skills takes Mouth on a road trip to get his mind off Millie. Towards the end of this episode Brooke shows up at the airport and turns Julian's offer to go to LA down. This episode is named after a song by Paul McCartney and Wings .

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_06x14

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_06x14_0

Elena: I know what you've been going through. Go to art school. Find the life that you want... and don't look back. Enzo: Meet the real Sarah Salvatore. Stefan set me up to die, which resulted in days of torture. That's when I started plotting my revenge. I'm going to make her do things she'd never dream of doing until she begs me to make her a vampire. Damon: I don't know if you remember this, but Liz and I are pretty close. Liz: I need you to promise me something. When I'm gone, Caroline is gonna need you to help her move on with her life. Promise me that you will do that, Stefan. Stefan: (takes Liz's hand) I promise. (Crying) [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK: 23 MAY 2009 - SHERIFF'S OFFICE ] Liz: Hey, Tony, I'm headed home for the night. Could you do me a favor and check up on the Lockwood place? Carol called again, another 5-Martini stalker sighting, oh, and some teenagers are planning a bonfire off route 13. No one's called to complain yet, but they will. See you. (Telephone rings - Ring - Ring - Ring) : Forbes. Liz: I'll be right there. [SCENE_BREAK] [ FLASHBACK: 23 MAY 2009 - HOSPITAL - MYSTIC FALLS ] (Sirens) Liz: Hey, what happened? Police officer: Accident up at Wickery bridge. Driver lost control, careened off into the water. Liz: Any other casualties? Police officer:Two. Liz: Survivors? Police officer:One. We found her up on the bank unconscious. She must have crawled out of the car and passed out. Liz: Elena Gilbert. Where's her brother? Who are the casualties? Police officer:Miranda and Grayson, her parents. (Police radio chatter) [SCENE_BREAK] [ HIGH SCHOOL - MYSTIC FALLS ] Elena: Principal Weber, I know that graduation isn't for a few months, but Jeremy just got accepted into this great art school. Principal Weber: Jeremy Gilbert, I don't think so, not with his academic record. Elena: What's wrong with it? Principal Weber: You have a few hours? All right. Let's start with drug use in his freshman year. Damon: You mean the year that his parents died? Principal Weber: Ok. So what's the excuse for the next 3 years of woeful attendance? Damon: Extracurricular activities, health and fitness, that sort of thing. I mean, did you see how scrawny he used to be? Principal Weber: No, but I do recall the 4 months where he faked his own death. Damon: Funny thing about that, he actually didn't fake it. We went to this island off the coast of Canada in search of this cure for vampirism, and Jeremy... Elena: Damon! Principal Weber: Is this some sort of joke to you? Elena: No. Look. Jeremy has had a rough time here, I know, but that's part of the reason why we want him to go. Damon: Yeah. Principal Weber: Well, I'm sorry, but I can't let that happen. Damon: So can we try this my way now? Elena: We already compelled him into art school. Sorry that I wanted my little brother to actually get a degree. Damon: He will. He just won't earn it. Ok. Um... This small-town atmosphere doesn't nurture a creative spirit like Jeremy Gilbert, and it's of your opinion that it's high time for him to get the hell out of Mystic Falls. [SCENE_BREAK] [ MYSTIC GRILL ] Jeremy: To Matt's phone, which is clearly more important than my last day in town. Matt: I'm here, aren't I? Where's Tyler? Jeremy: He broke up with his girlfriend. He gets a free pass. Look. I want to take this shot before Alaric changes his mind about letting me drink. Alaric: This place is closed for another hour. I'm making an exception. Cheers. Jeremy: Cheers. Matt: To you, brother. Alaric: I swear, Jeremy, if I get a call from the drunk tank in Santa Fe... Jeremy: You're gonna make your girlfriend give me an STD test again? Alaric: That cleared up, right? Jeremy: Ha ha ha! (Cell phone vibrating) Why is Enzo still alive, and why is he calling you? Matt: Nothing you need to worry about. (Beep) Hey, it's Jeremy's going-away party. Whatever you want, it can wait a day. Enzo (on phone): Actually, it can't. Don't worry. I'm not sending you back to Duke. I brought Duke to you. Matt: What the hell does that... Enzo: I take it from your abrupt pause that you either had a small stroke or Sarah walked in. It's good news either way. Make her feel welcome, oh, and don't go blabbing details of our little arrangement around the party. Your tongue functions much better inside your mouth. (Beep) Sarah: Matt. Hey. Matt: What are you doing here? Sarah: I got a call from the manager of this place. He needed someone to take pictures for the website, and he said you mentioned me. I mean, normally, the pictures I take are a little darker, but normally, I don't get paid, so thanks. Matt: You're welcome. Sarah: You want to show me around? Matt: Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Damon: Oh! Look who graduated. Oh! Ha! Jeremy: He was OK with it? Damon: Sure. I mean, practically flunking, missed 100 days of school, and you can barely spell the word "cat," but sure. He was fine with you graduating early. Elena: We helped the process along. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna get a drink. Jeremy: She ok? Damon: She will be. We all will. Somehow, we'll all find a way to move on without you, Jeremy. Oh, hey, just did. Oh, look under the cap. I jacked a little going-away present from Ric's girlfriend's stash. Put it away, you idiot. Tell your sister, I'll kill you... again. [SCENE_BREAK] [ BILL FORBES' CABIN ] (Hand brake clicks) Caroline: If you really think about it, Jeremy leaving is for the best. I'm sure everything around him reminds him of Bonnie, and Elena's always wanted to protect him from vampire drama. Granted, he is going to art school, where the percentage rate for a well-paying job is one of the lowest in the country, but I really am happy for him. Stefan: Do you think you packed enough? Caroline: The whole point of this is for my mom to live out the rest of her time here in a relaxed and peaceful environment surrounded by the things that she loves, like photo albums and board games. Stefan: "The anthology of Shakespeare," volumes one through 12. Caroline: All the books that she's never gotten around to reading. (Cell phone vibrating) Stefan: Oh, hey, do you mind just... Do you mind getting that? Caroline: Oh. Yeah. Sorry. Um, ok. Um... Just... Sorry. Stefan: Yeah. It's ok. Caroline: Got it. Um... Hmm. Why is my mom calling you? (Beep) Are you going behind my back for information? Liz: Well, hello, Stefan. What a lovely voice you have. Caroline: Why are you calling him? Liz: You snuck out of the house this morning witht so much as a hello. I may be a retired sheriff, but I am still a mother. What are you up to? Caroline: If I told you, it would ruin the surprise. Master bedroom. Liz: At least tell me if Stefan is there voluntarily or against his will. Caroline: Neither. He's here because you asked him to look after me. Liz: Sweetheart, that's not true. Caroline: Mom, I heard you talking to him in hospital. You asked him to look after me and make me smile and help me move on with my life after you're gone. Liz: I'm sure that's not the only reason he's there. Caroline: Mom, look. It's ok. Needed an extra set of hands, anyway. I will call you in 3 hours with all the details. Until then, no cheating. I love you. (Beep) [SCENE_BREAK] [ SHERIFF'S OFFICE ] Damon: Not to be blunt, but I think dying gets you a ticket out of work. Just saying. How you feeling? Liz: Like I'm not gonna leave this job with unfinished business. I have all these open cases. Damon: Well, let me see if I can help you close a couple of them. Uhh! Yeah. This one was me. Me. Also me. Ooh, this one was Stefan's. Oh, wait. No. Me. Yeah. Liz: I always had a sneaking suspicion. What about this one? Damon: Elena's parents. Didn't know there was an open investigation. Liz: Well, at the time, I was taking care of Elena and Jeremy, and I didn't want to drag them through more heartache. Then when I was finally ready to reopen the wound, Elena had moved on, and you and I had become friends, and I worried that... Damon: What, that I was involved? Liz, no. No, I promise you. (Exhales) Liz: Miranda left me this message two hours before they got in that car, two hours before they drove off that road for no reason. Miranda (on voicemail): Liz, it's Miranda Gilbert. I have something urgent to talk to you about. Please call me back as soon as you can. Damon: I'll be damned. (Beep) Looks like you got a good, old-fashioned, sheriffy whodunit on your hands. Elena: You know I'm a vampire, right, a big sister with nearly perfect senses who can sneak up on you without making a sound. Really sucks for you. Give it. Damon gave it to me, and technically, it's from Ric's girlfriend's stash. Well, Damon is an idiot, and Alaric conveniently disappeared. So I can only yell at you. Yeah. Ric left. He was worried someone might recognize him when he's supposed to be dead. Right. That hadn't occurred to me. Elena: Our lives are so weird. Jeremy: That's the understatement of the century. Give me your lighter. What, really? Yes. I just decided that me smoking a joint with my little brother might be the most normal thing that we've done together in years. Look what I found in the... You know, if you're gonna go for a spin, I suggest you get your helmet. Ha ha! This is the bike that I learned to ride on. I just didn't know my mom kept it. It used to have these training wheels on the back with lights that would flash every time you pedaled. Then one day, my mom took them off and said it was time to be a big girl. You can imagine the princess-sized tantrum that followed.under construction Oh, they have lights. I don't blame you. Yeah. So what's with all... this. Oh, the box was loose, so I figured I would fix it. You know that you don't have to do all this, right? Well, actually, you could've had some serious problems... Exposed wires, electrical fires. No. I mean being here with me. You know, if you have someplace else you'd rather be... I don't. Damon: Right. (Exhales) You know, this would be a lot more fun if I had some... Top right-hand drawer. Well, look at that. This is why you are a terrible sheriff. No. I'm a terrible sheriff because one of my best friends is the perp in half my open cases. Not till I finish this. Ah, suit yourself. Can I ask you something about that night? You saw Elena, and Stefan pulled her out of the car. Yeah. Stefan, always a one-upper. So you both just happened to be in town the night her parents died. Why? Well, believe it or not, Liz, I once had a mommy, too. She died around that day. In the years that my emotions were "on," I would stop by and leave flowers at her grave. You never talk about her. Not much to say. She died, old-timey disease... Consumption. Why do I feel like you're leaving something out? Tell you what. Why don't we use your investigative instincts to solve this? Come here. Check this out. All right. So why were the Gilberts taking Wickery bridge when old Miller road was clearly 10 minutes faster, and why are there no skid marks at the scene of the accident, and why was the trunk full of luggage as if they were going out of town? Something did happen that night. Let me have your car. No way in hell. Oh, come on. I'm moving to a new town, starting a new life. I need a car. And it has to be mine? Just compel yourself a new one. Oh, God, how many cars you think we've destroyed? Like, more than the average family, right? Mom and dad's station wagon. That's one. That SUV on my birthday.under construction Katherine wrapped my car around a light post. That's 3. They really didn't give us many fries, did they? Yeah, they did. You just ate them all. [Snickers] [Cell phone rings] Hmm... Oh, my God, we're so busted. Dude, just click ignore. Dude, I am. Ha ha! Oh... it's official. I am the world's worst sister. Don't be stupid. I am. Mom and dad died, and what did I do? I let you be Jenna's problem because I couldn't deal. I shut you out. I shut everybody out. But I never thought that made you a bad sister. If anything, it was nice to have someone to go through it with. When you got better, that's when I felt the most alone. That wasn't your fault. You were healing. I wasn't. [Cell phone rings] (Beep) What, Damon? I'm bonding with my brother. Damon, on phone: I want to run something by you. Is there any chance you can get to the sheriff's office? I'm not so sure it's a good idea to be around a sheriff right now. Ha ha! Jeremy and I smoked your going-away present. Are you stoned? No. I'm lightly buzzed. Ahh, ok. Well, you need so eye drops, a squirt of perfume, and half a pizza. This is important. Ok. I'll walk over now. (Beep) Whew. Hide the evidence. See you at home. Uh! Mm. Enzo: What is that strange smell? So I hear you're leaving town. Probably smart, considering you tried to kill me and, surprise, I'm still here. So we can go moodier with the lighting if you want or feature more patrons or menu items. No. These are great. I'll just send these over to my manager. Whoa, too far. Oh, my God. Ha ha! Totally forgot that was on there. Anyone ever tell you you're a really good photographer? Yeah, but obviously, I didn't take that one. Who did? Uh, whoa. Never mind. It's none of my business. (Cell phone vibrating) (Beep) This is gonna come as a shock to you, but this is not a good time. Enzo, on phone: Oh, this will come as a shock to you, but I don't care. There's a tunnel along the river off route 13. It's dark, private. I want you to bring our photographer friend there. Yeah? What are you gonna do to her? Take her hand, exchange pleasantries, standard introductory behavior. If you want to meet her, come here. See, that sounded like you telling me what to do. Oh, is this the part where you threaten my mom again?under construction Because that's brave. Yeah. You're right. That was uncalled for. After all, what has your mum ever done to me? Well, except that one night... I'm hanging up now. So I went with something local. It's more noble, right, Jeremy? Mmph... Oh, trying to say something? It's a bit garbled with all the blood. Oh, there. He said, "mmuh..." What the hell did you do? Nothing too serious yet. So care to reconsider my request? (Beep) Hey, so you brought an entire crate of these. Any idea where I should store them? There's a cellar under the stairs. You ok? Do you realize that whichever book my mom reaches for could be the last thing that she ever reads? "Jane Eyre" is 600 pages. What if she doesn't finish, or, worse, what if she gets halfway through and then realizes that she hates it? What if she wastes her final precious moments on a terrible book? I just don't want to be held responsible for ruining her last literary experience. Caroline, let me deal with the books. No. No. I should do it. I have probably read every single one of these. I'm happy to take the responsibility. (Exhales) [SCENE_BREAK] Heh. I'm opening this. Thought that was for your mom. Oh, it was. Honestly, I don't remember why we took that route home, and I had no idea that there was luggage in the trunk. What about the lack of skid marks? Any reason your dad would just drive off the road like he was trying to avoid something without braking? I was texting with Bonnie when it happened. Embarrassing, I know. What about the voicemail? I wasn't home that night. You really think there's something up with my parents' crash? I don't know, but given the way this town works, I wouldn't be surprised. Oh, I'm so sorry, Elena. I know I should've brought this up sooner, but in those first few weeks after your parents died, I... No. You took care of Jeremy and I. I remember. Poor Jenna was trying and failing, but you let us stay at your place. You took us to school, made us dinner. Wait. You cook? You really tried. Ha ha!under construction Ha ha! Ha ha! I'll see if Jeremy knows anything. Thanks. Yeah. (Exhales) Hey... Oh... You ok? Yep. Yep. I'm good. Yeah? I'm fine. Ok. Sure. I'll follow a guy I barely know into a shady tunnel. Hey, would you rather take more pictures of potato skins? I thought you were into dark subject matter. Ha! Graffiti. How provocative. This is Mystic Falls. This is about as dark as it gets. Ha ha ha! [Camera shutter clicks] (Exhales) About those photos, my roommate took them for her art final. I don't have a boyfriend if that's what you're wondering. Heh heh. [Cell phone vibrates] (Beep) [Camera shutter clicking] All right. We're here. Where the hell are you? Enzo, on phone: I'm here. You don't see me? No. I can't. Take a few steps to your left. Here I am. [Tires screeching] Ooh! Matt! [Coughing] [Footsteps] [Door opens] [Sighs] They're running a little late. Apparently, my mom chose today to tackle an entire career worth of cold cases. Hmm, well, they're gonna have a lot of catching up to do. Stefan: So, I realize it doesn't matter. Caroline: What doesn't matter? Stefan: It doesn't matter what book your mom reads in her final precious moments. It doesn't matter if it's good or if it's terrible. It doesn't matter because life isn't about your final moments. It's about the moments that led up to them. (Music playing) I know. I just wanted it to be perfect, you know? I just wanted... Control? Hey, look. If anyone can control death... It's you. I know that she asked you to look after me. Caroline, that's not what... I'm ok with it, really. I'm glad, actually, because I don't know if I would be able to get through this on my own. I'm not here because your mom asked me to look after you. Caroline: Then why are you here? Stefan: Well, because you're my friend, because I know what it feels like to lose a mother, and because when you told me you hated me, that was pretty much the worst thing I had heard in a long time. Caroline: I think we both know I never really hated you. One of us should probably say something. Go for it. Not that. No. I called 911.under construction You need to get out of here. What the hell kind of a person just barrels into someone and then drives off like that? Enzo: Are you ok? What happened? Do you need help? I was out walking, and I heard you two. We're waiting for the stupid ambulance, but he seems bad, like, really bad. His breathing is... I think he punctured a lung. Fix it. What, are you, like, an EMT or something? Not exactly, sweetheart. [Coughs] Oh, my God, we have to do something. Look. I can help, but... What's your name? Sarah. Sarah? Right. I need you to remain calm what you're about to see is something you've never seen before. Just promise me you'll remain calm. I promise. Just help him, please. Oh, my God. Enzo: You staying calm, luv? [Coughs] How did you just... Did you just... Elena: There you are. Oh, my God, what happened? Enzo's a dick is what happened. Are you kidding me? Sit down. I'm gonna kick his ass. I don't need my big sister beating up bullies, thanks. What'd the sheriff want? She wanted to talk about the night that mom and dad died. She thinks something else happened, like maybe it wasn't an accident. Then what was it... A vampire attack, a werewolf in the road? What else could we possibly go through? Mom had called her a couple of hours before the crash. She left an urgent message asking her to call back. Think. Do you remember anything out of the ordinary about that night? [Chuckles] What? I... I used to smoke pot in my room. Mom caught me that night. She said she was gonna have me arrested. So she called the sheriff. She was pretending to be all business, but I could hear Jenna giggling outside. It was the last time we spoke, fighting through a door. Damon: That makes sense. Yeah. I'll let her know. (Beep) So the message was a joke. Miranda wanted you to bust Jeremy for smoking pot. Well, what about everything else, I mean, the route, the skid marks? What about the luggage? There was a storm the day before. Jeremy's dad was planning a secret trip to their lake house, and the storm rained them out. The storm. Yeah. Oh, the storm that dropped a power line across old Miller road, explaining why they took Wickery bridge, which had a drainage issue before its renovation, meaning the road was probably still slick. Slick roads, no skid marks. The storm, that was the reason. Mystery solved. (Exhales) Would you mind calling Caroline and telling her she can surprise me tomorrow? I'm not really feeling up to it tonight.under construction Absolutely. I'll go get the car. [Sighs] Yeah. Thanks for letting me know. Just call me if there's any other updates, ok? Bye. (Beep) What happened? Sheriff ok? Ah, you weren't supposed to hear that. Damon said that she's getting worse. Jeremy: I can't leave now, no way, not with the sheriff sick and Enzo on a rampage. It's not the right time. Elena: No kidding, because the right time was a couple of years ago.Enzo could have killed you today, and the other day, Liv threw you across a room, and let's not forget the time that you actually died. Alaric: She's right. Time to get the hell out of here. Elena: You deserve a normal life, Jer. You deserve the life of a kid whose only baggage is that he lost his parents. Come on. Let's get you to the airport. Actually, why don't you let me take him? You should go be with Liz. I'll call you when I get to the airport and when I land. Um... And in a couple days, expect an SUV-sized package from me. Wait. Hang on. You're giving me your car? Just don't crash it, ok? (Exhales) Damon: Ok. Get in there. Ohh... Nice PJs situation. You look hot. Oh, I do not have the energy to tell you how deeply that disturbs me. [Music playing] You wanted more today, didn't you, about the accident? If there had been a supernatural reason they died, it would've been easier, would've been a reason. As it is, it was just an accident. It was a stupid accident. No. You wanted someone to blame. Liz: I did everything right, Damon. I lived a good life. I took care of my family. I just... Damon: I know. Sometimes really terrible things happen to amazing people. [Sobs] [Sniffles] Liz: I have to admit, there is a certain amount of peace knowing I'll be one of the only people in Mystic Falls to die an ordinary death. (Both chuckle) I'm exceptionally ordinary. I'm ok with that. Caroline is anything but. She was meant to be extraordinary, and she needs to know how proud I am of her. Yeah. She will. You tell her yourself. Come on. Lay down on this bed. Oh... Ok. Thank you. For what? For today, for being here. You know, I didn't get a chance to spend much time with my mom before she died. I volunteered to write the eulogy, and then when she actually died, I didn't even go to the funeral. You want a second chance? Hmm? Write mine... Only do me a favor... Nothing dirty. No promises. Oh... I'll take that drink now. Yeah? I'll be right back. Want rocks, or you want neat? Liz? Where is she? Elizabeth Forbes, what room's she in?under construction Caroline. Damon. She fell asleep. I couldn't wake her up. They said she slipped into a come. Damon: They said they can make her comfortable. She's not comfortable. She's dying. I didn't get to say good-bye. I didn't get to say good-bye to my mom. Tyler, hey, it's Stefan. You might want to head back to Mystic Falls. Caroline's mom isn't doing too hot. I'll call you with updates. (Beep) What'd the doctors say? Oh, she's stable, but, you know. How much longer? Not long. The hospital says she has a DNR, so... [EKG beeping] I'm gonna get some air. I should have been with her. You didn't know. But I knew she was sick, and I knew it was bad. Caroline... Caroline: I'm her daughter, Stefan, OK? I was supposed to give her peace and convince her that I would be OK and thank her for being an amazing mom. God, I don't ever remember the last thing that I said to her. I was supposed to be with her in her final moment. You still can. [Hand brake clicks] Oh! Oh, yeah. Airport looks packed. Yeah. Long-ass security line, too. Oh... I don't want you to miss your flight. I know you have orientation tomorrow. Look. This probably goes without saying, but you keep this shut till you get off the bus. Just stuff that above your seat. This is where you're headed. The bus will take you to a town about 30 miles north of Santa Fe. Now, I can't confirm if these are actual animal attacks or something else, but it's worth looking into... I'm on it. And, man, you're probably gonna have to generate some art to actually sell the story because if Elena finds out this is one big lie, she's not gonna just kill you, but she's gonna kill me, too. Yeah. Elena will be fine as long as she thinks that I'm safe. And happy. You know, a responsible guardian would try and stop you... But? But, believe it or not, you're actually an adult now, and you found your purpose. So might as well pursue it. Alaric: Granted, being a vampire hunter doesn't lend itself to a healthy social life. Jeremy: Yeah, turns out a social life isn't as much fun as kicking vampire ass. Just don't do anything stupid, ok? I'll send you leads. You can follow up on them. You already went over this. No one needs to worry about me, ok? Ha ha! All right. It's not like I'm not gonna have e-mail or anything. Just shut up. Let me hug you. I'm proud of you, Jeremy. Hey, do me a favor. If Bonnie ever comes back... You'll be the first person I call. [music playing] [Creak] Try to clear your mind. Ok. Think about your favorite memory of your mom. I don't know. There's too many. It's ok. It's ok. Just relax. Close your eyes. Open up your mind. We're gonna live in her memories. We can do that? Just take her hand. Caroline: I want to stop. Liz: If you stop, you'll never learn, sweetie. I don't want to learn. Yes, you do. I can't do it. Just pedal. I'm gonna fall off. I'm holding you up, sweetheart. You can't fall. I'm scared. I want my other wheels back on. It's working. Liz: Keep pedaling. You can do it. Don't let go, mommy. I won't, not till you're ready.under construction Don't let go. I'm not ready. Yes, you are. Mom... [Flatline beep] Mom... [Caroline sobs] She's gone.

With help from Elena and Damon, Jeremy graduates high school months earlier and is leaving town to go to art school. Caroline, on the other hand has Stefan help her surprise her mother with a vacation while the sheriff is with Damon attempting to solve an old unsolved case: the Gilberts' accident. Elena and Jeremy get stoned together while bonding and talking about their old memories. Matt is still being blackmailed by Enzo, but he is starting to develop feelings for Sarah. Enzo calls Matt and threatens to kill Jeremy, who he has pinned down, unless Matt takes Sarah to a certain tunnel. Matt reluctantly goes on a walk with Sarah to the tunnel, and Enzo purposely hits Matt with a car. While Sarah panics, Enzo tells her to stay calm and gives Matt some of his blood. As Jeremy leaves, it is revealed that he lied and instead of going to art school, he is going to go hunt vampires and Alaric is the only one who knows about it. Meanwhile, Liz realizes that the events surrounding the Gilberts' accident were natural and that she had been hoping for a supernatural reason so she could have someone to blame. Stefan and Caroline are setting up Liz's room together and the two of them kiss on the porch. Liz's condition rapidly deteriorates and she has to go back to the hospital, where she lies unconscious. Caroline rushes to the hospital and is upset because she didn't get to say goodbye, but Stefan helps her by suggesting that she goes inside her mom's mind, which is what she does and with that the Sheriff dies.

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Series Finale (Part 1 of 2) [Scene: A set dressed up like Dawson's Bedroom. Actors playing Colby and Sam are acting out a scene from Dawson's New TV show The Creek. ] Colby: Feelings and emotions have an inexplicable way of manifesting themselves in subconscious and not always se-aware behavior. Sam: Verbal deconstruction of teen angst is really outdated, Colby. There's nothing going on between me and Petey. He's just a friend. Your best friend, I might add. I have no subconscious subliminal intentions towards him. Colby: Just a friend, huh? Sam: Yes. That's all. Period. End of sentence, dissertation, and postmodern diatribe. Now can we go to sleep? Colby: So, is Petey a friend the same way you and I are just friends? Sam: Yeah... of course. Colby: That's what I was afraid of. [They lie back down on the bed together, and lie together awkwardly. The camera pulls back from the TV and we see that Joey was watching the show on the couch with a tear in her eye. Another man comes over to her.] Christopher: Thank god that's over. Joey: Tread lightly, book boy. Christopher: Watch this. This'll be fun. [He grabs the remote and turns off the TV] Joey: Hey! Christopher: Ahh... back to intelligent life as we know it. Yeah, you know that show? It's like bad airplane food. You know, the teen hyperbole, it's hard on the stomach. And the writers must sit around with a thesaurus just seeking out 4-syllable ways to abuse the English language. Joey: Well, I only watch it to torture you. Christopher: Yeah? Well, it works. I mean, who talks like that Colby guy? He's like some mutant English professor, psychotherapist freak. Joey: We can't all be brilliant literary snobs like yourself. You should read some of the crap I have to edit. Christopher: You edit my stuff. Joey: [Whispering] Except your stuff. [They begin kissing and starting to make out on the couch, when Joey stops him.] Joey: Ok, ok, ok, ok. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I have to finish this, and I have 2 more after that. Go write a book or something. Christopher: I can't. That show has officially destroyed some very necessary brain cells. Joey: [Sighs] Get over it. What is the big deal? So I like a teen soap. So what? Christopher: The way it possesses you is what frightens me, honestly. Every Wednesday at 8:00, you enter this supernatural portal of teen angst. Joey: I have an emotional connection to it you wouldn't understand. Christopher: Will Sam and Colby ever get together? Will Sam choose Petey? Will Sam choose Colby? Find out next week as we continue to beat a dead dog all the way into syndication! Joey: You know, I think subconsciously, you like the show just as much as I do. Christopher: Spoken very much like the indecisive, noncommittal character of Sam. Joey: How dare you? [They begin kissing again when Joey stops again] Joey: Do you really think I sound like her? [Opening Credits] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Production Office for The Creek. Dawson and his assistant are walking quickly down one of the hallways, while his assistant is going through her notebook and reading things off for him.] Dawson: We'll have to loop Colby's virgin speech in the third act. His mumbling out of control. Assistant: And don't forget about the network notes. They did not clear "m*st*rb*t*" as acceptable dialogue. Dawson: It's a clinical term. Assistant: They suggested "walking your dog." Dawson: Walking your dog? Assistant: He has no idea that his character's coming out of the closet. He's going to lose it. Dawson: After lunch. I've gotta step in with the writers. [Dawson goes into a meeting room where the writers are brainstorming.] Man: They're soul mates. They have to end up together. Second man: Ah, but not in the first season. You got nowhere to go after that. Dawson: What are we talkin' about? Man: The perpetual dilemma, Dawson. Does Sam hook up with feisty Petey or soul mate Colby in the season cliffhanger? Woman: If she chooses Petey, it will break convention and surprise the audience. Man: Surprise, not satisfy. Colby is Sam's soul mate. It's destiny. Second man: This show is about twisting the convention, right? Let's break this notion of destiny and fate. Dawson, what do you think? Dawson: I think you guys are onto something. [Dawson grabs his stuff and leaves them to continue bickering. He joins his Assistant who is finishing a phone call.] Assistant: Look, I've gotta go. Here he comes. I picked up your suit for the wedding. It's hanging on the back of your door. And don't forget that the car is going to come and pick you up for the airport tomorrow at noon. Dawson: Right. Assistant: And Rebecca called to confirm dinner. Dawson: Postpone it. Again. And don't give me that look. Assistant: What look? Dawson: For the record, I'm a nice guy. I'm just... late for editing. Assistant: [Sighs] [Scene: A road on the outskirts of Capeside. Jack is driving down the road listening to the radio, when her hears a siren and looks back to see a cop car behind him. HE pulls over and the cop car stops behind him. Doug gets out of the car and walks up to Jack's door.] Doug: Looks like somebody's in quite the hurry this morning. Jack: Sheriff Doug, hey, look, I'm sorry. I'm late and I'm trying to get to class. Doug: Well, I have no choice but to issue you a citation for doing 40 in a 25. Jack: Look, I already have all these points against my license. You think maybe there's something I could do to...get you to look the other way. Doug: May I remind you, Mr. McPhee, that attempting to bribe a public official is a serious offense? Jack: Uh, you know, I was just hoping that maybe, um... I could appeal to your greater sense of compassion? [Doug leans in and kisses him] Doug: All right. Just this once, I'll let you go with a warning. Jack: Thanks, honey. Doug: No, no, never, never call me honey. Jack: Dude, it's a deserted road. Chill. Doug: Don't call me dude, either. Jack: All right, tonight? Dinner later? Doug: Yeah. I'll cook. My place. Jack: Great. I'll bring the handcuffs. Kidding. Doug: [Clears throat] Jack: I'll see you. Doug: Yeah, I'll see you. Jack... slow down. Jack: You got it. Doug: All right. [Engine starts] [Scene: Outside the new Icehouse Restaurant. One of the bus boys is cleaning up when Pacey comes over to give him a hand.] Cory: I got that, Mr. Witter. You're the boss, remember? Pacey: I'm just trying to lend a hand. The rush today was crazy. Cory: Ka-ching. That's a good thing. Pacey: Yeah, 6 months and going strong. No complaints, right? [Pacey turns to see a woman standing by the bar, and she turns and sees him.] Woman: Oh, Pacey, there you are. I've got your new menu designs along with all your revisions. Pacey: Excellent. I've been meaning to take a look at those. Hey, Cory, I'll be in my office if anybody's looking for me, ok? Cory: Yeah. Pacey: Shall we? [Cut to inside Pacey's office and the two of them are inside, when Pacey closes the door and they begins making out.] Pacey: We're gonna have to find a new pretense to meet. This is...the third time I've had to review the menu design. Woman: I'm sure no one suspects a thing. Pacey: I'm not exactly the most invisible guy in Capeside these days. I'm sure somebody's starting to suspect. Woman: As long as it's not my husband. [Scene: Jack's High School English Class. A student is reading some poetry from a book uncomfortable in front of the entire class while Jack is sitting in one of the desks towards the back.] Hampton: "We two boys together clinging... "one the other, never leaving... "up and down, the roads going north and south excursions making..." Jack: Mr. Hampton... is there a problem? Hampton: Do I have to keep reading? Jack: Well, the poem's not finished. Hampton: No, offense, Mr. McPhee, but this is a poem by a guy about another guy. It's, like, a gay poem. [Students laugh] Jack: I wasn't aware that poems had sexual orientation. [Students laugh] Jack: See, this gay poem and others like it actually got Whitman fired from his job. See, he was an outcast most of his life. But he didn't care. He loved his country. He loved the freedom that it stood for, and he celebrated the American spirit every chance that he got. And here we are 150 years later, and we're still laughing at him. [The bell rings and Jack looks to the door and sees Jen standing in the door way waiting for the class to leave.] Jack: Your assignment for this weekend is to find a way to say, through the conventions of poetry, what you are afraid to say. I want you guys to write about something that you're scared of. We're gonna read these things out loud on Monday to each other, so I would hope that you give the same courtesy to each other that you did not give to Mr. Whitman today. Have a good weekend. [Everyone leaves, and Jen walks in pushing a baby carriage.] Jack: Hey, hey, hey. Jen: Hi. Jack: Oh, let me see my goddaughter. Hey, gorgeous. [Jack leans down and looks into the carriage.] Jack: Oh, my god. [Laughs] She's beautiful. So are you. [They hug] Jen: Hi, sweetheart. Jack: God, it's good to see you. Jen: You, too. Mmm... Jack: ah, too long. Jen: So I just caught some of your act. Looks like Capeside finally hired a good teacher. Jack: Good teachers are just traumatized students trying to erase whatever went wrong with their own high school experience. Jen: Do you think that you could erase my memories while you're at it? Jack: That would be a lifetime in a nunnery. Jen: So, what's on your agenda tonight, huh? Jack: Well, I gotta have dinner with the sheriff, but if you want to catch a drink later? Jen: Yeah, sure. Gosh, 6 months in, you two are already an old married couple, huh? Jack: Yes, but with the added element of pretending we don't know each other every time we pass on the street. Jen: Oh, still? Jack: Yeah, what can I say? He's a paranoid, closeted freak... but he's my paranoid, closeted freak. You staying at the Potter B&B? Jen: Mm-hmm. I'll be there, awaiting your phone call. Jack: All right, let's get out of here before you make me late for my next class. Jen: Ok, sorry. Jack: It's good to see you. [Scene: Dawson's House. Dawson walks into the house carrying his bags, and looks around remembering a lot. When Gale comes running and gives him a huge hug.] Gale: Ah! You're here! Yay! Ha ha ha! Oh, look at you. You get handsome every time I see you. Dawson: Mom, I look terrible. I've aged 10 years in the past 9 months. Gale: Well, you wear it well. So, how was your flight? Dawson: Oh, it was ok. I've got 5 scenes to write by tomorrow, and the season finale shoots in a week, I still don't have an ending. But...other than that... Gale: I'm just so glad you're here. Dawson: And miss my mom's wedding? Not a chance. Not a chance. [Lilly comes running down the stairs and gives Dawson another hug] Lily: Dawson! Dawson: Lily. Hey, hey, hey, you got tall! Dawson, I just got Annie Hall on DVD. Wanna watch it with me? Dawson: Sure. Go set it up. [Lilly runs off] Dawson: Annie hall? [Cut to upstairs in Dawson's room. Dawson looks around and sees a Director's chair with his name on it and a poster of his show on the wall] Dawson: Hmm. [He puts down his bags and looks around and picks up a picture of him and Joey happy together.] [Scene: The Ice House. Pacey walks over to one of the tables and stops to talk to the people sitting there.] Pacey: Greg. Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt you while you guys are eating, but thanks for coming back. It's good to see you. [Pacey looks up to see Joey come walking up to the Place. She doesn't see him and she stops one of the waiter.] Joey: Excuse me. I'm looking for Pacey Witter. [Pacey runs up from behind Joey and grabs her and picks her up in a bear hug] Pacey: Joey potter! As I live and breathe! Hi! Joey: Oh! Pacey: Good god, woman, you're heavy! Joey: Watch it, Witter. Pacey: I'm just kidding. They told me you weren't gonna be able to make it. Joey: Uh...long story. Pacey: Everybody! This is Josephine Potter, official talent alumni and quality Capeside stock, so what do you say we give her a nice warm welcome home, huh? [Cheering] Joey: Pacey, is this all yours? Pacey: Mine, the bank's, several family members. You hungry? Joey: I'm starving. Pacey: Look at you. I gotta give you another hug. God, it's good to see you! Joey: Good to see you. Pacey: It has been way too long, Jo. [They hug, and as they pull apart we see that Dawson is just walking up and sees them.] Joey: Hey. [There is some Love triangle feelings again] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Ice House. Later that evening. All of the gang have met up at the Ice house and are all sitting around a large table joking and reminiscing together] [Jack and Jen come walking up to join] Jack: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Pacey: Hey! Hey, girl! [Jen and Pacey hug] Pacey: Hey, pretty mama! Jack: Ah, come here! Dawson: What's up?! Pacey: God, it's good to see you, man! Jen: How are you?! Jack: Good. I'm great. Joey: Handsome! Pacey: Ok, in honor of this momentous occasion, open bar for everyone! [Pacey goes quickly into the bar and Jen and Joey follow.] Jack: Give it up! What's up, buddy? [Dawson and Jack hug and then join them] [Cut to later around the table] Joey: Do you remember that time I painted you in the nude? Jen: Oh, you got excited and you sprouted Jack: Oh, whoa, hey, hey! Joey: A little bit more than I bargained for. Jack: Whatever. It's all good. It wasn't meant to be. Besides, Dawson probably would eventually kill me for taking his only soul mate, right? [All of the members of ht triangle have a small uncomfortable giggle at this] Jack: Hey, what's up with Audrey, anyway? Anybody talk to her lately? Joey: Audrey's singing backup for John Mayer. She's touring Europe, and she's got some boyfriend she calls the anti-Pacey. He's totally boring and... really sweet or something. Pacey: And "really sweet," as opposed to the actual Pacey? And that from my ex-girlfriend, no less. Joey: Pacey...thank you so much for reopening this place. I did not know how much I missed it. Pacey: Maybe if your daddy hadn't burned it down in the first place, it'd still be yours Joey: Ohh, nice, Pacey. Nice. Dawson: I couldn't write this stuff if I tried. Joey: How long has it been? Pacey: Not long enough, apparently. Jen: Oh Dawson... remember when I de-virginized you? Pacey: What?! Jack: Ok. Uh, yeah, on that note, maybe we should, uh, depart. Pacey: What do you mean? You can't leave now. We're just getting to the good stuff. Jack: Yeah, I'm afraid she's gonna divulge a little too much info. Jen: Oh, my goodness. Jack: Here, I'll give you a ride. [He picks Jen up and flings her onto his shoulder] Jen: I'm sorry. Oh, no! Jack: We're out. Jen: Hey, guys, remember the time when my boyfriend knocked me up and left me to raise a baby on my own? [Awkward silence] Jack: Ok, see you at the wedding. Jen: Wait, stop. One more thing. Oh, god, you guys are the best friends I've ever had in my life. I love you so much. That is all. Good night. Jack: We'll see you. Pacey: Good night. Joey: Good night. Pacey: And on that note, get the hell out of my restaurant. I gotta clean up. [Joey and Dawson get up to leave.] Pacey: You guys need a ride? Joey: I'm gonna walk. Dawson: I can drive you. Joey: That's ok. It's right down the block. It'll sober me up. Dawson: All right. Joey: Good night, Dawson. [They hug] Joey: Pace, thank you. [Joey hugs Pacey] Pacey: A pleasure, as always, darlin'. Walk safe. Joey: I will. Bye, boys. [Joey leaves, and Dawson gives Pacey a hand cleaning up all the beer bottles on the table] Pacey: My god, that woman's amazing. Dawson: Yeah. Pacey: Man, that girl you cast on your show cannot hold a candle to her. Dawson: I know. I did nail Petey, though. That's perfect casting. Pacey: Yeah, well, he does have the certain requisite roguish charm, I guess. Dawson: Whew. Man... a lot's changed. You've changed. Pacey: Yeah, well, life happens. So, are you happy? You know, with everything that's happened, you happy? Dawson: The stock answer's a resounding yes. Anything else, I'd sound like a whiny Hollywood brat, right? Pacey: Yeah, but right now you're talking to me. Dawson: To be honest with you, I haven't given it much thought. You? Pacey: Heh. Uh... oh, you know me. I'd be miserable if I was happy. You don't have to help me do this. It's my job, remember? It's good to see you, Dawson [They hug]. Dawson: You, too. Pacey: I'll see you tomorrow at the wedding. Dawson: All right. Welcome home. [Scene: Potter B&B. Jack is changing Amy's diaper when Jen comes into the room and is taking a couple of pills. ] Jack: The last time I checked, this was not on the list of godparent job requirements. Amy: [Crying] Jack: That's ok, that's ok. Jen: You're doing just fine. Jack: Is she always this sad naked? [Jack puts the wipes away and finds a pill bottle] Jack: What's this? Jen: Oh, they're grams'. I just keep it on hand in case she forgets it. Jack: I didn't know she was still on painkillers. She looks like she's in good health. Jen: Looks can be deceiving that way. Jack: Oh, it's ok, it's ok. There you go. [He hands Amy to Jen] Jen: Mmm... Jack: you ever wonder if you could survive without her? Think you could really do this alone? Jen: I used to think I couldn't, but, uh, really, I don't feel that way anymore. It's really wonderful-- parenting. I mean, I can't program my Tivo, but I can take care of a child. Jack: You've changed the most. Out of all of us. Jen: If I have, it's not because of me. Amy changed me. I mean, I'm just along for the ride. Jack: [Sighs] What am I doing here? I mean, what sane gay man of this era goes back to a suburb? Jen: Jack... I don't think this is about Capeside. I think you're... you're frustrated with Doug. Jack: I know. I mean, I feel like I'm back in the closet, Jen. Although this time it's not in my closet. Jen: Well, you have to give him some time. Jack: Why should I? I mean, come on, it's not my fault my boyfriend lives back in the stone age. Jen: I know but he's so scared. Jack: What's there to be scared of? Jen: Of what's real. It terrifies us. All of us. And you say that I've changed. And you're right. But, I mean, I went kicking and screaming. And if you think that anything of any value in this world comes at an easier price, you're wrong. Jack: Your wise, sage superpowers have increased with motherhood. I think I might have to buy you a cape pretty soon. Jen: You can be my sidekick, hmm? My boy wonder. Jack: Anytime. [Scene: Dawson's Room. Dawson is sitting at his desk, and staring at his laptop computer screen, but cannot figure out what he wants to type. He is startled by a sound coming from outside the window and he grabs his laptop ready to use it to hit whatever comes through the window and it is Joey who falls to the floor while trying to climb through the window.] Joey: Oh! Ow! Ow. Dawson: You scared the hell out of me. Joey: That's not as easy as it once was. I think I might have broken something. Dawson: What are you doing here? Joey: Well, I was, um... walking to the B&B, and I just decided to keep walking. I haven't been home for so long and... did you know they put up a McDonald's on Hudson? We've officially been invaded, Dawson. We are one Old Navy away from being destroyed. Dawson: Are you ok? Joey: Oh, yeah. I'm fine. So, I, um... I kept walking, and then... it was too late to ring the bell, and I saw the light on, so I thought, why not? Were you sleeping? Because I can leave. Dawson: No, no. I'm glad you're here. We didn't really get much alone time tonight. There's so much I want to know about you and New York and... everything. Joey: Ow. That did hurt. [Laughing] [Scene: Outside the Ice House. Pacey is locking up as the rest of the Employees have just left the building. ] Guy: See you later, boss. Pacey: Good night, guys. Woman: Good night. [He locks the door and turns to see a guy standing there] Pacey: I'm sorry, we're all closed up for the night. Man: Oh. I'm guessing you know why I'm here. Pacey: [Sighs] Well, it's a long shot, but... sleeping with your wife, maybe? Ok, well, I'll make it easy on you. I deserve it. Do your worst. [Pacey turns to see two other guys walk up, and they are both rather large men.] Pacey: Heh heh. Oh, now, look. I've been drinking a bit tonight, so you could probably take me out all by yourself. Man: Yeah, what's the fun in that? Pacey: [Sighs] [Pacey hits the first guy, and tries to run when the other two grab him, and the three of them begin beating him up.] [Scene: Dawson's Bedroom. Dawson and Joey are still there sitting down on his bed and talking to one another about how they have been spending the past few years.] Joey: Well, I met Christopher when I was assigned to proof his book. This was before I got promoted to junior editor. Dawson: Ok. Joey: And we bickered and argued so much, so we naturally started dating, and we've been fighting ever since. Dawson: Is it serious? Joey: Um... well, we're-- we're definitely... at that moment when it either is or isn't. I don't know what's gonna happen. What about you? Anything going on in L.A.? Dawson: [Sighs] I'm absolutely, 100%, intensely committed to my show... and nothing else. Joey: Well... that's today. It's not always gonna be like that, Dawson. Dawson: I... I'm not complaining. But... sometimes I feel like... what am I doing? You know, I wanted to be Spielberg. Joey: Dreams aren't perfect, Dawson. They come true, not free. Dawson: Nicely put. Joey: Someone famous said it. Dawson: Hmm. I'm just so tired. Joey: I'll go. I'll let you get some sleep. Dawson: No, no. I meant just tired...in general. Joey: Well, I should go anyway. It's late. We have a wedding tomorrow. Dawson: All right. I'll drive you. [He stands up and lets out a huge yawn] Dawson: [Yawning] On second thought, no, I won't. Go to sleep. Joey: What? Dawson: You know the drill. That's your side, that's mine. Lie down and go to sleep. Joey: Are you kidding me? Dawson, I can't. Dawson: Hey, you already climbed through the window. It's only fitting, wouldn't you say? No one's pining away for each other or masking their feelings. So, just sleep for sleep's sake. Joey: Works for me. We are adults. [They get in bed and try to get to their positions] Joey: Good night, Dawson. Dawson: Good night, Joey. [The camera pulls away and we see them both laying there awkwardly together] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: A wedding outside. Dawson and Joey are standing as bride and groom in front of the preacher giving their vows.] Joey: We've been through so much, Dawson. So many good times and bad. When I loved you, you loved Jen. And when you loved me, I needed to be on my own. So I left you for Jack, and then he realized he was gay. Dawson: And then I convinced you to turn your dad in for trafficking cocaine, and...you said you'd never speak to me again. Joey: But I did. I offered myself to you at that party after you crashed your dad's boat. Dawson: And I refused... for some reason. And so you fell for Pacey. Joey: And years passed... until finally here we are... saying, "I do." The way it should be... the only way it can be for star-crossed, ill-fated soul mates. So, I do. Dawson: I do, too. [They leaning and kiss and everyone applauds. The camera pulls back from the kiss and we wee Sam and Colby there instead of Joey and Dawson.] Dawson: Cut! [Dawson sits up in his bed waking up form the dream. He looks over at the pillow next to him, and there is a note from Joey. See You Later, Joey ] [Scene: Outside along the waterfront. Doug and Jack are jogging together and are coming up to their place, and they begins to walk together to cool off before going inside] Doug: Hey, I booked us a room for next weekend at Stonybrook lodge. You know, I figured we could do a little hiking, some mountain biking, and, you know, other various activities. Don't look so excited. Jack: I--I mean, you know, do you think that's what we need right now, another weekend away from Capeside? Doug: Oh, I'm sorry I made the mistake of planning something nice for us. Jack: No, I appreciate it. I do. You know, it's just, I'd like it a little bit better if we were hanging out here. Doug: Look, you knew when we started seeing each other that I wasn't ready for all of Capeside to know my business. Jack: Doug, that was 6 months ago. You know, we do live in a post Will & Grace world. I mean, do you really think people still care who you sleep with? Doug: Yeah. Yeah, I do. Jack: Why do you even care what anybody thinks, anyway? I mean, your family knows. They have no problem with it. Pacey, he couldn't be happier. Doug: That's because Pacey gets the last laugh. Jack: No, it's because Pacey loves you, and so do I. Doug, this really sucks that we have to go through this. I mean, how many weekends away are we gonna have to go on before we can be together like a normal couple? It's like we're having some kind of affair, yet neither one of us are even married. Doug: Not all of us were fags at 15, Jack. It's not so easy for some of us. Jack: I--I can't even believe you just said that. Doug: I'm--I'm sorry. I didn't Jack: No, you're not. You know what the difference is between you and me, Doug? You were a fag at 15. You just haven't stopped hating yourself for it. [Scene: The reception after Gale's wedding. Gale and her new husband are cutting the wedding cake. Dawson goes up to her and gives her a hug after she cuts the first slice. ] Dawson: I'm so happy for you. And dad would be, too. Gale: Thanks, honey. [Cut to later. Pacey walking along, and sees the married woman, and she turns and sees him and mouths You and me later to him. He walks on, and sees Jen and goes over to her, and she is taking another couple of pills.] Pacey: Hey... Jen: Oop! Pacey: What you taking? Jen: Oh, you caught me. I'm medicating. I'm an anxiety-ridden mother. They help. [He hands her his wine so she can wash down the pill] Jen: Thank you. Pacey: You, uh...mind sharing? 'Cause I could really use it today. [He takes off his sunglasses to show the nice shiner he has] Jen: Oh, no. Pacey: Oh, yes. [HE looks over and sees the woman who is looking over at him still] Pacey: Oh... [Cut to later and Pacey and Joey are dancing together.] Joey: So, are you gonna tell me how you got that shiner, or am I gonna have to assume that you beat up the priest before the ceremony? Pacey: Let's just say that mistakes were made. Joey: What's going on, Pace? Pacey: What's going on? What's going on is that I forget how much fun I have when I'm with you, and it's really, really nice to be reminded. [Jen and Dawson who are dancing together come over to join them] Jen: Hey. Let's switch. Dawson won't let me lead. Pacey: Ok. [The switch partners] Dawson: Hey. Joey: Hey. Dawson: You left in a hurry this morning. Joey: Yeah. Well, I had to get ready. Plus you were snoring, plus... the whole deja vu thing was kind of hard to take. I mean, it was kind of like an acid flashback without all the colors and stuff. I mean, I guess. Not like I've actually ever done acid. Dawson: I'm glad you're nervous, too. Joey: What do you mean? Dawson: You ramble when you're nervous. Joey: Is this "rag on Joey Potter day"? Dawson: I like that you ramble when you're nervous. I like that I know that you ramble when you're nervous. I like that I still make you nervous. [Jen and Pacey come over again] Jen: [Laughing] Pacey's stepping on my toes. Will you take him back, please? [They trade partners again] Pacey: It's a conspiracy. New shoes, I think. Joey: New shoes. Pacey: Must be the new shoes. [Joey and Pacey dance together and Joey notices the woman staring at Pacey.] Joey: Ahem. Pacey, I think we may have an audience. Pacey: Oh, boy... Joey: Nice to see some things never change. Still breaking hearts? Pacey: Yeah. Her heart, my jaw. Joey: It's all starting to make sense. Pacey: Do you want to help me out here? Joey: How? [He dips her and gives her a deep kiss.] Pacey: Thanks. [The woman storms off. Jen and Dawson are dancing together when Jen collapses to the ground, out cold.] Dawson: Whoa, whoa, Jen! We were dancing. She just collapsed. Jack: Jen! Grams: My god. Somebody get her bag. She needs her pills. Pacey: I just saw her take one. Grams: Oh. Dear lord, this should not be happening. Jack: What's going on? Grams: Hurry up, get an ambulance. Dawson: Ok. What's wrong with her? Grams: For god's sake, hurry up. She needs to go to the hospital now! Jack: Grams, what the hell is going on? Grams: She is sick. Jack: What do you mean, sick? She was fine. Grams: She's not fine. She's very sick. It's her heart. Oh, dear god. My baby Jen. Oh, Jen. Ooh. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The hospital waiting room. Dawson is pacing worriedly as the rest are sitting in their chairs uncomfortably. While the doctors are in looking at Jen, and she is still unconscious.] Dawson: It's been hours. Why won't they talk to us? [He finally takes a seat with the rest of them] Dawson: What's going on? Grams: Well, they're monitoring her. Her vitals have been compromised. And, uh, they need to confer with her New York doctors before they can tell us anything. Joey: What's wrong with her? You know, don't you? Grams: It's a small problem, really. It's--it's been there all along. We just didn't notice it until the pregnancy. There's an abnormality in her heart, which is why she fainted. It's nothing serious, really. I mean, she'll be more embarrassed than anything else when she wakes up. Joey: Really? Grams: Yes, really. [The doctor comes over] Doctor: Excuse me Mrs. Ryan. [Grams goes over to talk to the doctor] Joey: Jack, did you know anything about this? Jack: No. Pacey: What is a heart abnormality? Is that like a murmur or something? 'Cause I don't mean to be an alarmist, but that sounds serious to me. [Grams comes back to talk to them.] Grams: All right. She's stable. She fainted from a palpitation caused by her medication. We won't know anything more for now. Um, so there's nothing much else to be done... at the moment. Look, I really think you should all just go home and rest. It's been...dramatic, and I--I... please, just-- just go now. Dawson: Is she gonna be ok? Grams: Of course she's gonna be all right. Her mother's in Europe. I, uh... I really need to-- to call and... excuse me. [Scene: Pacey's Car. Pacey is driving Dawson and Joey back to their places. Dawson is in the front seat and Joey is in the back.] Joey: I'm worried. This isn't good. Dawson: She's gonna be fine. Right? I mean, we don't know anything. Let's not jump to conclusions. Pacey: Yeah. And she's young. She's healthy. Dawson: Best thing we can do is just be ourselves-- carry on in our typical, usual, distracting... Pacey: Sordid love triangle ways. Dawson: [Laughs] Leave it up to you to say the most inappropriate thing possible. Pacey: Aw, I'm always dependable, my friend. Joey: So very not funny. [Cell phone rings] Joey: Hi, Christopher. Dawson: And the triangle becomes a square. Pacey: Well put. [Scene: The hospital. Jack is pacing in the hallway outside Jen's room. He notices, Grams and the doctor come out of the room, and begins to make his way over to them. She is crying, and he gives her a hug to comfort her. We cut to inside Jen's room. She is now conscious and Jack comes into her room to join her] Jen: Hey, you. Jack: Hey. Jen: What are you doing here? It's late. Doesn't this hospital have visitation hours? Jack: I, uh... flirted with a nurse. I can be quite charming when I want to be. Jen: What happens when she finds out you're gay? Jack: It's a male nurse. Jen: Cute? Jack: Look, Jen... I would love nothing more than to engage in our patented, meaningless, good-humored Jack-Jen fag-hag banter, but... first I was kinda wondering, I mean, since you're lying here in this hospital bed and you're hooked up to all these machines... how come? How come you didn't tell me, 'cause I thought I was your best friend? Jen: Because I didn't want you to be worried. I was already worrying enough. Because I thought that if I pretended it didn't exist, it would just go away. Because I like it. I like our... patented, meaningless fag-hag banter, and 'cause I was scared if I said it out loud, it would be true, because I was just-- I was just scared. 'Cause I was an idiot. Jack: You are an idiot. I--I could've handled it. I could've helped you handle it. Jen: Well, you will help me handle it. I need you. Jack: Jen, straight up. How bad is it? Jen: Decreased left ventricular-systolic function. It's a whole blood-not-pumping-right to my heart. And it's causing a lot of problems in my lungs. It's called pulmonary congestion. Jack: All right, so what do we do about it? I mean, what, surgery? Treatment? What? Jen: Nothing. I have been doing everything. And at first, the odds were good. But... you know me and odds. Jack: Jen, there's gotta be something we can do. I mean, what about a specialist? Jen: I've been there, repeatedly. I'm so sorry laying this all on you like this. I really thought that I'd make it to Capeside and back in one piece. Yeah. Yeah. Been trying to get ok with this, but I can't do it alone anymore. 'Cause I am gonna die, Jack. And like everything else in my life, I don't really know how to do that. But I'd like to not screw up. I'd like it to be something that I get right for once. Jack: I'm here. I will do anything that you want me to do. Jen: Right now... I want you to get in bed with me and tell me all about this cute nurse and make me forget everything that I just told you. Jack: Yeah. Jen: Come here. Yeah. Come here. It's ok. Now tell. Jack: [Crying] His name's Max. Jen: Mm... I like max. Jack: He has a goatee. Jen: Hmm. We could work on that. [Scene: A montage of scenes before the commercial. First Pacey sitting along drinking a beer outside his restaurant, when he sees Jack come walking up, and they hug as Jack tells Pacey. Cut to the Potter B&B. Joey is sitting with her head on Jack's shoulder and Bessie is sitting with them on the couch as he tells them about Jen. Cut to Dawson hanging up the phone after Jack has told him. Gale and Lily are standing in the next room looking reassuringly at him. Cut to a Jen, Grams and Amy sitting together in the hospital bed. Cut to Dawson opening his door to find Joey outside. They silently grab one another in a deep heart felt hug, and never release one another. Camera fade to black.]

Five years have passed and everyone is reunited in Capeside for a special wedding. Dawson has been living in Los Angeles producing his autobiographical television series The Creek and has never forgotten the love of his life, Joey. She is now a successful book editor living in New York City with her boyfriend, Chris, but comes home to realize she still loves her childhood sweethearts. Pacey is the owner of the new Ice House and still carries a torch for Joey, Jen is a single mom living with Grams in New York and managing an art gallery in SoHo, and Jack is a teacher at Capeside High and has fallen in love with Doug who is now the Sheriff of Capeside. Together all the secrets come out as tragedy and love becomes clear. With Jen in the hospital dying from a terminal heart condition, the gang tries not to be too sad about it. Dawson helps Jen make a video for her daughter, asking her to never stop loving and dreaming. Jen also asks Joey as her last wish to end the chasing and running and to finally pick between Pacey and Dawson. Joey tells Jen that she has always known who she is supposed to be with. Jack tells Jen that she's his soul mate and asks to raise baby Amy for her. Jen passes away and while mourning the death of their close friend, the gang has to move on. Doug tells Jack he's willing to spend his life with him and wants to help raise Amy. Joey breaks up with Chris over the phone while she tries to decide whom she will choose: Dawson or Pacey. After Jen's funeral, Pacey privately tells Joey that she's "off the hook"; despite his endless love for her, he can't hold her back any more despite them growing up together and relating to each other over their unhappy childhood and adolescence; Joey dealing with her mother's death from cancer and her father's imprisonment for drug trafficking, plus Pacey dealing with his outrageously immature and neglectful parents. But as much as Joey wanted, all her life, was to leave Capeside and travel the world, Pacey seems forever destined to be stuck there just like his alcoholic loser father and grandfather, etc. Before returning to New York, Joey sits with Dawson and confesses that even though they may never be together, he and she are soul mates and nothing should ever change that, but, in the end, she decides it is Pacey she wants to be with. In the final moments of the series, Dawson answers a phone call from Pacey and Joey who have just watched an episode of The Creek. Dawson tells them that he's meeting someone tomorrow and Pacey and Joey figure out it is Steven Spielberg, Dawson's idol. The episode ends when the camera lingers on a picture on Dawson's desk of him and his friends before cutting to a scene of them all walking down the beach from season one. In 2011, the whole two-part finale was ranked #16 on the TV Guide Network special, TV's Most Unforgettable Finales.[2]

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INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT VICKI: Rod! Wake up! ROD: What? VICKI: I heard a noise. Come on, aren't you going to check? ROD: Check what? VICKI: That. ROD: (V.O.) It's probably just Bella. (PASSAGE OF TIME) VICKI: Rod? Rod? Damn it, Rod! Why didn't you answer me! You scared the heck--! JACK: Turn over and lay on your stomach. Do as I say and you won't get hurt. Do it. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/MAN DISROBES) (MUSIC OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/CREDITS AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN) TONY: It's three o'clock in the morning, you hear a strange noise in your house. What do you do? KATE: I slide a pistol from under my pillow and I go after the guy. TONY: I'm talking about real people, Kate. Why do they always feel the need to go and look? KATE: It's called human nature, Tony. TONY: Ah, let me guess. You're that person in a horror movie that decides since all your friends are dead, you really need to go check out the demonic breathing noise down in the basement. KATE: Well, that beats being the girl who twists her ankle and gets everybody else killed. TONY: You sleep with a gun under your pillow every night? KATE: That depends. TONY: On what? KATE: On who I'm sleeping with. (BEAT) (TO GIBBS) Um, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that the way it sounded. Tony just asked me what I would do if a man came into my bedroom and I said it depends. I mean, it doesn't depend on the man. Tony, could you help me out here, please? TONY: She sleeps with a gun, boss. GIBBS: Is that true? KATE: Sort of. Sometimes. Yes. GIBBS: Good girl! What do we know about last night? KATE: Not much. The fugitive is a former SEAL named Jack Curtin. He somehow managed to escape from Leavenworth and nobody seems to know how. TONY: We do know he broke into a house at zero three forty and scared the hell out of two civilians before stealing the guy's clothes. GIBBS: Get me everything on him... birth to last night. TONY: I thought Leavenworth was Army C-I-D jurisdiction? GIBBS: C-I-D's gonna search where he's been. We're gonna find out where he's going. Have Leavenworth pack up Curtin's cell, overnight it to Abby. I want everything but the paint on the walls. KATE: You got it. TONY: Do we know what this guy was in for? GIBBS: Same thing I'm gonna be if you don't get your ass moving. TONY: Right. (WHISPERS TO KATE) Murder? KATE: And you didn't even use a lifeline. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. HOUSE - DAY KATE: What makes you so sure he's not running to Canada or Mexico? (SFX: CAR DOOR CLOSES) GIBBS: He spent a year in pretrial confinement. If he wanted to run, he wouldn't have waited 'til he was sent to Leavenworth. KATE: Well, if he wanted to kidnap his kid, he could have done that back then, too. GIBBS: Well, yeah. There is that. KATE: So why are we here? GIBBS: I want you to keep an eye on his son 'til I can arrange for a protection detail. KATE: Is that a nice way of saying babysit? GIBBS: Hey, you're catching on. (V.O.) Has your grandson... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. DINING ROOM - DAY GIBBS: ... received any calls or letters from his father recently? MR. DONALDSON: No. If he did, I wouldn't let him hear or read them. KATE: Has he had any contact with his father since you were awarded custody? MR. DONALDSON: We were granted custody because his father murdered two people. One of them was his mother... our daughter. So why would we give him visitation? MS. DONALDSON: You think Jack might try to contact Kevin. GIBBS: It's a possibility. MS. DONALDSON: Oh, my god. He might even... KEVIN: I'm going to go out front. MS. DONALDSON: I'll take you out in a few minutes, Kevin. KEVIN: I can go by myself. MR. DONALDSON: We're almost done. KEVIN: I want to go now! MR. DONALDSON: With that attitude you're not going anywhere. GIBBS: Nice board. Mind if I check it out? KEVIN: Yeah, I do. MS. DONALDSON: He's angry. GIBBS: Yeah, I don't blame him. MR. DONALDSON: All he does is ride that skateboard or sit by himself and draw. GIBBS: His father is probably running for a border. But I'm going to leave Agent Todd here for a while. If the phone rings, you let her answer it. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - DAY GIBBS: Are you on a roll? ABBY: Aren't I always? GIBBS: I guess you don't need this then, huh? ABBY: Ooh. You need it. I like it. GIBBS: Kate get you the stuff from Curtin's cell? ABBY: It's on its way. Kate rules. GIBBS: I thought Abby ruled. ABBY: Good women don't mind sharing a throne, Gibbs. GIBBS: How about just sharing what you found, Abs. ABBY: I will... when I find it. I'm still downloading the SAINT data from Leavenworth. GIBBS: Hmm. That's one acronym I don't know. ABBY: It's like Lojack for inmates. It should be able to tell us when and where our chicken flew the coup. GIBBS: I am much more interested in how and with whose help. ABBY: Got it. GIBBS: Good. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. JAG CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY FAITH: I haven't had anything to do with Petty Officer Curtin since I prosecuted the case. TONY: Where did he run after the murders? FAITH: He didn't. He was the one who called the police. TONY: He called the police on himself? FAITH: Insisted he was innocent. Claimed he came home and found them dead. TONY: Victim of circumstance. FAITH: He said his wife might have been involved with drug dealers. It all fell apart pretty fast. TONY: Did he end up confessing? FAITH: No. But he had both victim's blood all over him and his fingerprints were on the murder weapon. It was pretty obvious what happened. He came home, found his wife upstairs with the cable guy and lost it. TONY: I guess he picked the wrong housewife to give a free upgrade, huh? FAITH: Is that your idea of humor, Special Agent DiNozzo? TONY: Is that your idea of a sharp pencil? You know which one I'm talking about. You're not going to poke anyone's eye out with that one. FAITH: Are we finished here? TONY: Was the cable guy doing the missus? FAITH: Actually, he really was just fixing the cable. Curtin was just paranoid and freaked. TONY: Why wasn't he on death row? FAITH: He was granted leniency due to post traumatic stress. TONY: From the cable going out? (BEAT) Slightly amusing? Come on, counselor. You've got to give me something to work with here. FAITH: I have clients to see, Agent DiNozzo. TONY: Why did Curtain freak? FAITH: Everyone thinks because the Taliban fell fast, it was a cakewalk. But for the guys over there, it was anything but. TONY: Anybody testify on his behalf? Someone he would go to for help? FAITH: Curtain HALO'd into Afghanistan on September twelfth with nothing but an MP five, a K bar knife and a radio. He doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who needs help. TONY: I appreciate your help, Commander Coleman. It's been a lot of laughs. (TONY WALKS TO THE DOOR) TONY: (LAUGHS) Now that's funny! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Petty Officer First Class Jack Curtain... he's hardcore, boss. GIBBS: Yeah? What's your definition of hardcore? TONY: Grew up in foster homes. Enlisted at seventeen. Went from boot camp to BUDS, which is unusual. Went through hell in Afghanistan, which apparently isn't. His entire SEAL team showed up at his trial as character witnesses. GIBBS: Where's his team now? TONY: Mostly deployed. GIBBS: Tony, I'm going to need you to go... TONY: ... track him down and see if Curtin contacted them? Or I could let you finish your question. GIBBS: You have the name of the team commander? TONY: Current or past? GIBBS: Both. TONY: Current's location is classified. SatCom can be arranged as soon as he becomes available. When that will be is... GIBBS: Classified. TONY: Unknown. Past is stationed at Little Creek. Commander William Foley. GIBBS: Where exactly at Little Creek? TONY: Uh... there, exactly. It's a brave new world, boss. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. AMPHIBIOUS BASE - DAY FOLEY: Well if he's looking for help from an old teammate, he'll have to go to Iraq to get it. GIBBS: You're here. FOLEY: Hazards of promotion. GIBBS: Did you have any contact with Curtin since his conviction? FOLEY: Not. Not that I'd avoid it. Jack was a good man. GIBBS: He's convicted of killing two people. FOLEY: Agent Gibbs, you know what it's like to spend every free moment dreaming about being home again, hugging your wife, hearing your kids laugh, only to come home and learn it's all gone? GIBBS: It doesn't justify murder. FOLEY: I didn't say it did. Anything else? GIBBS: Not for the moment. FOLEY: That's very Jack Webb. GIBBS: Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ABBY: Curtin, definitely did his homework. GIBBS: You got my attention, Abs. How'd he get out? ABBY: According to the computer, he didn't. GIBBS: I hate riddles. ABBY: SAINT tracks both inmates and guards through a single source data system with compares information on a digital smartcard that every inmate is required to carry with some aspect of their physiology. GIBBS: How about an explanation that doesn't require a digital smartcard? ABBY: Okay. You got a fingerprint. You got a card. You swipe, you press, match-match. The computer knows who you are and where you are. The readers are in every cell and every entryway locations within the prison. So there's no need for bed checks or roll calls. You save time. You save money. Everybody wins. GIBBS: Until an inmate hacks the system. ABBY: Until an inmate hacks the system. GIBBS: It was maximum security. They don't get pencils, much less a laptop. ABBY: Yes, but they do give them toothpaste. At first I thought he molded a duplicate of his finger, but... GIBBS: The guard's finger. ABBY: That's what I love about you, Gibbs. Always one finger ahead. GIBBS: Find out which guard. ABBY: I already have. SAINT has the guard logged at the prison laundry for the last twenty two hours. Which is odd for several reasons, but especially because it was his day off. GIBBS: Curtin used the fake finger to get to the laundry. ABBY: Then he hid in a hamper and went out with the whites. GIBBS: How'd he get the guard's finger to make the mold? ABBY: Easy. Kicked sand in his face. Watch this. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/VIDEO PLAYS) ABBY: Curtin did a few fingertip pull-ups. And then challenged the guard to do the same. GIBBS: I'm guessing that's not dirt he found above the door. ABBY: And I'm guessing that you're looking in the wrong direction just like the guard. Watch. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/VIDEO PLAYS) (SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES) GIBBS: So a finger he made of this fooled the computer. ABBY: The biometric readers note lines and ridges in three dimensions. They don't check for a pulse. GIBBS: A finger's useless without the smartcard that goes with it. ABBY: The guard lost his card two weeks after Curtin arrived. In the incident report he claimed that his dog ate it. GIBBS: That didn't work for me in the sixth grade. ABBY: You're a late bloomer, Gibbs. It didn't work for me in the second. GIBBS: They don't have a way to disable lost cards? ABBY: They do, but they didn't. GIBBS: Guess they figured, without the finger... ABBY: Exactly. GIBBS: Well, they fingered wrong. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT (SFX: THUMPING NOISES B.G.) KATE: (INTO RADIO) McGee. (BEGIN RADIO INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) KATE: (V.O./FILTERED) Kate. Checking out a noise in the kitchen. (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (INTO RADIO) Roger. Standing by. (END RADIO INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/KATE WALKS SLOWLY THROUGH THE HOUSE) (KATE BURSTS THROUGH THE DOOR/ TURNS QUICKLY) KATE: (BREATHLESSLY) Kevin! What are you doing? KEVIN: Nothing. KATE: Oh, geez. (INTO RADIO) Code four, McGee.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - PARKED KATE: (V.O./FILTERED) Just a little spilled milk. MCGEE: (INTO RADIO) Roger that. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT KATE: You've got to get back to bed, buddy. It's late. KEVIN: I'm hungry. KATE: Have a piece of fruit. KEVIN: I hate fruit. KATE: Bananas. They're the closest thing to not being a fruit than a fruit can be. I'm not sure what that means either. Just go to bed. KEVIN: What about the floor? If my grandma sees this, she... KATE: Don't worry about the floor. I got it, okay? It's not a big deal, all right? I've got the floor. You just need to go back to bed and take-- (JACK ENTERS THE KITCHEN) JACK: One word and the milk won't be the only thing spilled on the floor. (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT KATE: The whole neighborhood is under surveillance. You'll never get away with him. JACK: I didn't come here to take him away. I came to say goodbye. I never got a chance to say goodbye. KATE: You could've just called. Written a letter. JACK: You don't have kids, do you? He needs to know that I love him, and that this is the best place for him now. KATE: So you can run away without feeling guilty? JACK: I shouldn't have to run at all. Open your mouth. Open wide. Okay. There you go. It's not too tight. (JACK TIES UP KATE) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BEDROOM - DAY KEVIN: Is it scary in jail? JACK: Sometimes. KEVIN: Cause there's guys bigger than you? JACK: Well, there's a lot of different reasons. Do you think about your mom a lot? KEVIN: Yeah. JACK: So do I. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/KATE STRUGGLES WITH HER TIES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - NIGHT MCGEE: (INTO RADIO) Kate, McGee. You got a SITREP for me? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Kate, are you there? Come in. KEVIN: No, don't go! JACK: I have to. KEVIN: No, Dad. Please. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - NIGHT MCGEE: (INTO RADIO) Radio check. Kate, are you there? (DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/KATE STRUGGLES WITH HER TIES) (MCGEE ENTERS AND UNTIES KATE) MCGEE: Where is he? KATE: Back bedroom with Kevin - my hands - give me your phone. (INTO PHONE) This is NCIS Special Agent Todd. We need immediate assistance at ten six hundred Vintin. We've got an armed Federal escapee inside the house. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/MCGEE AND KATE MOVE THROUGH THE HOUSE) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT (DOOR OPENS) MCGEE: Clear! KEVIN: Don't shoot him! KATE: I'll help you. Come here, bud. MR. DONALDSON: What's going on? KATE: He was here. Now he's gone. KEVIN: No! MR. DONALDSON: Kevin... KATE: It's okay. MR. DONALDSON: Kevin, are you all right? KEVIN: (V.O.) Let me go! KATE: Go after him. I'm going to go back out front and see if he parked his car. MCGEE: I'll-- KATE: No! Tell them you found his car. On the radio... notify the team. Tell them you found his car and you've got it covered. MCGEE: Okay. KATE: Kevin, do you know where your father's going? MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Bravo Four, this is Bravo One. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) We found Curtin's vehicle. We've got it covered. Repeat. We have found his vehicle. Standing by. VOICE: (V.O./FILTERED) Copy that. JACK: Damn! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT MCGEE: Do you think it'll work? KATE: We'll find out. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. STREET - NIGHT (SFX: CAR BRAKES TO A STOP) JACK: (SHOUTS) Stop! Get out of the car now! Get out of the car! DRIVER: Okay. Okay. (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (SFX: TIRES SCREECH) MCGEE: Out of the way! (SFX: GUNFIRE) (SFX: TIRES SCREECH) (MUSIC OVER DRIVING ACTION) (SFX: GUNFIRE) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - DAY GIBBS: Checkpoints up?(SFX: CAR DOORS OPEN/ CLOSE) MCGEE: On all the major roads. APB went out on the car that he got away in at zero four hundred. One of the deputies just found an old pick up with Missouri plates. Reported stolen yesterday morning. TONY: Sounds like our guy's. MCGEE: Impound it? Bring it to the garage? GIBBS: No, there's no time. Bag everything. Get it to Abby. MCGEE: Will do, Sir. GIBBS: Bag the windshield fragments, too. Get them to Abby. Then take photos. Both scenes. TONY: What are you doing down here? MCGEE: The main office needed a temporary refill. I was low on the pole. TONY: Yeah, we got a lot of people out sick. Some kind of gastrointestinal bug going around. You didn't use our toilet, did you? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY KATE: Curtin snuck in last night. I didn't hear him. He came to say goodbye to his boy. GIBBS: And while he was saying goodbye? KATE: I was uh... tied up in the living room. He has my weapon. But I hit him with the shotgun. GIBBS: How bad? KATE: Don't know. GIBBS: Contact the ER's in the area. Tell them to be on the lookout for a G-S-V and get them Curtin's photo. KATE: Okay. GIBBS: Where's the boy? KATE: In his room. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - DAY TONY: Do you think he swam? MCGEE: Who? TONY: Leavenworth's in Kansas. The truck's from Missouri. Little thing called the Mississippi between the two. MCGEE: Well, actually there's a little thing called two hundred miles between Leavenworth and the Mississippi. Try the Missouri. TONY: Ah, same thing. Potato. Potato. All we know is this guy swam across a big ass river. MCGEE: You enjoy this, don't you? TONY: Having fun at your expense? MCGEE: Yeah. TONY: Really a lot. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BEDROOM - DAY (KNOCK ON DOOR) KEVIN: Are you going to arrest me? GIBBS: For helping your dad? Nah. We don't arrest boys for that. Thought you might be hungry. You know, when I was a kid we used to take roller skates apart and nail them onto boards. Pretty unbelievable, huh? Yeah, I'd be speechless too. I'm gonna guess that's your dad. Is he going to shoot someone, Kevin? KEVIN: I don't want to talk about it. GIBBS: I understand that. The hardest thing for guys like us is talking. KEVIN: What do you mean, "guys like us?" GIBBS: I don't know. You just seem a little bottled up... like me. KEVIN: Everyone thinks I should just spew, you know? GIBBS: Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know. KEVIN: What are you bottled up about? GIBBS: I let a guy get away from me. Bad guy. He shot one of my people. He shot me. KEVIN: Where? GIBBS: It bothers me that I can't find him. But I'm gonna find him. KEVIN: I'm not going to help you catch my dad. GIBBS: That's okay. (KEVIN CRIES) GIBBS: It's okay. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - DAY TONY: Ladies and Gentlemen, I want a hard target search of every residence, gas station, farm house, hen house, dog house and outhouse in the area, you got that? Good! Now turn off those cameras and get out of our way! MCGEE: The accent's still not right. TONY: Damn. MCGEE: It's too Arkansas. Tommy Lee's more Texas. You gotta think more untamed - in-your-face. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS OUTER LAB - DAY GIBBS: Where's the stuff from Curtin's car? ABBY: It's there, but you're gonna want to see this first. I haven't done a precipitin yet, but unless someone else was shot recently inside the car that Curtin carjacked, I think Kate just unsealed our SEAL. First shot, too. GIBBS: How can you tell? ABBY: See the crenellated marks? That's caused from blood spray hitting a perpendicular surface at a pretty good clip. GIBBS: How do you know it was first shot? ABBY: The first shot hit home and caused the blood to splatter inside the car. The second... GIBBS: ...blasted the stained glass onto the street. ABBY: Stained glass. It's very spiritual, Gibbs. How severe a wound? ABBY: Hmm, from a close range blast with a double ought buck, and considering his position behind the wheel and the fact that he hasn't turned up dead yet, I'd say that he probably just got grazed or he's down to one arm. What are you looking for? GIBBS: This. ABBY: It's from the glove compartment. GIBBS: Yeah. I've never known anyone who kept gloves in there. ABBY: Well, now you do. Do you want to know why? GIBBS: Abby. ABBY: I don't like the sun. GIBBS: Abby. ABBY: So when I have to go put gas in my gar, I have these vintage elbow length gloves.. GIBBS: Black? ABBY: Yes. They match my black lace vintage parasol. GIBBS: The gas station. ABBY: Well, yeah. You can't be too careful, Gibbs, and you can't have an indoor gas station because of all the fumes. GIBBS: Abby? ABBY: Yeah? GIBBS: Can we move on? ABBY: Sure. That's a map of Washington, D.C. GIBBS: Mmm. A new one. ABBY: So? GIBBS: This one isn't. My guess is he didn't know he had a D.C. map in the glove compartment, so he bought a new one. ABBY: Hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY GIBBS: Kevin obviously thinks is dad is out to shoot somebody. He told me his dad is going to find someone then he's going to give himself up. TONY: Does he know who it is? GIBBS: No. He seems to know something about the plan after he finds him. KATE: If Curtin is like most roommates, he blames everyone but himself for his conviction. GIBBS: There is a new D.C. road map in the car he abandoned. TONY: Both of the JAG lawyers involved in his trial have D.C. addresses. GIBBS: What about the judge? TONY: Retired. Lives in El Paso. GIBBS: Curtin also did right by all three of them. Coleman didn't even contest the post-traumatic stress diagnosis, plus the judge was lenient in sentencing. TONY: So who's he after? KATE: Curtin told me he shouldn't have to run at all. GIBBS: He's always insisted he was innocent. TONY: So you're saying we should be looking for a one-armed man? KATE: Very funny. GIBBS: Maybe we should. TONY: Are you kidding, boss? GIBBS: The repairman really was fixing the cable, the lawyers were professional, the judge was fair. Maybe the one person that Curtin still has a beef with is the one who killed his wife. He's not running. He's chasing. (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: Nothing from area hospitals. Still checking smaller clinics as well as doctor's offices. GIBBS: He could've seen a vet. KATE: Tony's marking that territory. TONY: (LAUGHS) Cute. KATE: I thought so. GIBBS: I didn't. TONY: Nothing from the vets, boss. GIBBS: A-P-B on the car? KATE: Nothing. GIBBS: I'm tired of hearing that word. KATE: We think Curtin's innocent, right? TONY: Maybe. KATE: Assume he's innocent for the sake of argument. TONY: Why? GIBBS: Because I said to. TONY: Innocent. Sure. Why not? Go on. KATE: If Curtin's innocent and he's going after the guy that murdered his wife and a cable repairman.... TONY: I don't think he cares about cable repairmen. KATE: If Curtin knows the murderer, why didn't he say so when he was arrested? TONY: He did. He said... he thought it might have been drug dealers. KATE: Generic. Not specific. He's going out to get someone specific now. GIBBS: He didn't know. He found out who slit their throats while he was in prison. What about the stuff that was in his cell? KATE: It'll be here in twenty minutes. But I have a list of everything that's coming. Curtin's cell had seven large file boxes containing appeals, police reports, detective notes, crime scene photos, phone records and an official trial record. GIBBS: He found something in one of these boxes that told him who killed his wife. TONY: If he's innocent. GIBBS: We're going to reinvestigate this case from top to bottom. Get both of those JAG lawyers in here. Kate, take prosecution. Tony, defense. KATE: On it. TONY: On it! GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Central files. I need all our records on a murder case three years ago. KATE: (INTO PHONE) Hi. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Petty Officer First Class Jack D. Curtin. I want to know who here investigated the case. No. No, you will not call me back. I'll hold. (TO MCGEE) What the hell are you doing? MCGEE: Um... GIBBS: Can you form a sentence, Agent McGee? MCGEE: The NCIS Investigator was Special Agent Clay Williamson, Sir. GIBBS: That's a good sentence. MCGEE: He's retired and living on a boat. Gets his mail every three months in Tahiti. GIBBS: What kind of boat? MCGEE: Uh... I don't know, Sir. But I was able to download his investigation from Central Files. GIBBS: I want the Evidence Custody document so we can get... MCGEE: Already on it, Sir. I can call Norfolk and have the evidence transferred here. GIBBS: How fast? MCGEE: Joint Forces Command has a helo shuttle to the Pentagon. GIBBS: Do it. MCGEE: Okay. Yes, Sir. GIBBS: You don't have to call me Sir. MCGEE: No, Sir. GIBBS: Lawyers! KATE: Commander Coleman is unhappily on her way. TONY: The defense lawyer told me to shove it. The message was actually delivered by his assistant, but he assured me it was verbatim. GIBBS: I want him here, DiNozzo. TONY: Boss, he's no longer at JAG. He's a four hundred dollar an hour Beltway lawyer with really nice shoes. GIBBS: DiNozzo, I don't care. I don't care if he's wearing Armani or Prada, or Ermin-something Zegna. Get his ass here! TONY: Ermenegildo Zegna, boss. Just so you know. MCGEE: Evidence is on its way.... boss. (PASSAGE OF TIME) CLARE: (V.O.) I'm going to own your house, Agent DiNozzo. TONY: I rent. CLARE: You know what the federal minimums are for aggravated assault under color of authority, kidnapping, false imprisonment? TONY: Well, you know, I don't. But I'm sure my boss, Special Agent Jethro Gibbs does. GIBBS: Very subtle, DiNozzo. TONY: Shooting him just seemed so ham fisted. GIBBS: Whatever it takes. Uncuff him so he can say hello to an old friend. FAITH: I prefer him in cuffs. CLARE: Wish I'd known that when we were at JAG. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. EVIDENCE GARAGE - DAY GIBBS: I want every photograph, witness statement, lab report, autopsy report, and anything else you can find in these boxes reexamined. Petty Officer Curtin may be innocent now, but if we don't find who he's after, he will not be for long. FAITH: Innocent? GIBBS: I believe Curtin told his son that he escaped from jail to get the person who murdered his mother. FAITH: And what was he going to tell his son? I murdered your mother? CLARE: You had no eyewitnesses. No confession. FAITH: I had enough evidence to get a conviction. GIBBS: Guilty or innocent, you are both here to help us find who he is after before another murder is committed. FAITH: Okay. If Curtin can prove he's innocent, why didn't he just tell the authorities? CLARE: Would you listen? FAITH: No. But if I was innocent, I'd keep telling people until someone did. I wouldn't escape from prison and go after the killer myself. CLARE: That's why women aren't allowed in the SEALs. FAITH: Because we think with the head on our shoulders? ABBY: (LAUGHS) They remind you of anybody? TONY AND KATE: (IN UNISON) No. ABBY: Me neither. MCGEE: Evidence from Norfolk. Top box is autopsy. The rest is evidence collected at the scene. GIBBS: Top box goes on the table for Ducky. Everything else goes to the lab. You take Abby with you. MCGEE: I'm on her. (BEAT) It. I'm on it, Sir. Sorry. (PASSAGE OF TIME) TONY: No drugs found in either victim's blood. Special Agent Williamson, who investigated, found he's sailing a thirteen meter ketch, boss. GIBBS: He must be married. You can't single hand a ketch. KATE: I take it you're not building a ketch in your basement. GIBBS: Of course not. The basement's too small. CLARE: You know, if I was getting five hundred an hour, I wouldn't care how long this little side bar went on, but since I'm pro bono, can we...? TONY: Special Agent Williamson had a drug tox screen done on the wife's hair. Nothing. GIBBS: Okay, Curtin's drug dealer idea didn't pan out. What did? CLARE: Curtin was convinced his wife was having an affair. FAITH: Petty Officer Curtin was paranoid. First drug dealers did it. When that didn't pan out, it was a lover. GIBBS: Was he paranoid? FAITH: Yes! CLARE: (OVERLAP) No! GIBBS: Proof? FAITH: Pass this please. The court appointed psychiatrist found Curtin experienced severe insomnia in Afghanistan. GIBBS: Who didn't? FAITH: Sleep deprivation can cause paranoia. TONY: So can a wife who's cutting another guy's jib. FAITH: Curtin's the type of guy who intimidates other SEALs. Who's going to make a move on his wife? KATE: Maybe she was the one making the moves. GIBBS: Where are her phone records? FAITH: There's nothing in them to indicate she had a lover. CLARE: Unfortunately she's right. I checked out every number that she called while he was overseas. TONY: Did you check her cell phone calls? FAITH: She didn't have a cell phone. KATE: That's odd. GIBBS: Everyone has a cell phone. I have a cell phone. CLARE: Well, she didn't. TONY: Evidently her husband thought she did. He subpoenaed every cell phone company in Virginia. Verizon, Sprint, A T and T Wireless and there's more. These are subpoenas for prepaid cell phone providers. Floor Four Wireless, Bingham Wireless, Sharkphone dot com, Zo-Phone dot com, No-Phone dot com. Houston, the cell phone has landed. Prepaid cell phone records for one Margaret Curtin from Upfront Phone dot com. KATE: And the date on the subpoena is four weeks ago. GIBBS: Court's adjourned. Thanks for your cooperation, counselors. Special Agent Todd will escort you out. Tony, get on those numbers. FAITH: You'll let me know how this turns out? KATE: Of course. CLARE: Afraid you put an innocent man in Leavenworth, Faith? FAITH: Yes. But innocent or not, I still kicked your ass. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Hey Pacci.(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) PACCI: Hey, Tony. How's the shoulder? TONY: Getting there. PACCI: You got a minute, Gibbs? GIBBS: No, not really. PACCI: Working a hot case? TONY: Smoking! GIBBS: Tony. I'm going to check on Ducky, then Abby. Give me a call the second... TONY: ...I find anything. I got it, Boss. GIBBS: Pacci! What do you need? PACCI: Well, you're busy. This is a cold case. What's one more day? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: I think I've got something useful from his accent. GIBBS: What? DUCKY: The terrorist. He had a definite Euro accent, but he occasionally used British syntax. I think his higher education was in the British Isles. Yeah, well that's all I have for the moment on that b*st*rd. But on the one who did these murders, I've just found something really useful. The M.E. misread the cause of death. You're thinking it was so obvious. A massive loss of blood from a kitchen knife when he sliced them from ear to ear. The attack was so vicious that both victims were nearly decapitated. GIBBS: That didn't cause their death? DUCKY: No. The M.E. missed that they both also... had fractures of the cervical spine. GIBBS: Their necks were broken. DUCKY: Precisely. Yes. The killer incapacitated each victim with a violent, and most likely fatal, twist of the head. GIBBS: Duck, I get the idea. DUCKY: Anyway, he slit their throats probably to cover up the fact that he knew how to kill with his hands. GIBBS: Like a Navy SEAL. DUCKY: Yes. GIBBS: (V.O.) Which brings us back to Petty Officer Curtin. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: I've said all along, he's guilty. GIBBS: Nothing in her cell phone records? TONY: If she got that cell phone to call her boyfriend, then he was working at the video store, the grocery store, the hairdresser, the dry cleaner or directory assistance. KATE: She only got the phone when her husband shipped out. GIBBS: What's the most frequently dialed number? KATE: Commander Foley's house. GIBBS: Curtin's C.O.? TONY: Only he was in Afghanistan with Curtin. Mrs. Foley confirmed Margaret Curtin called frequently, but it wasn't unusual. All the wives did it. GIBBS: The C.O.'s wife is a den mother when the unit's deployed. TONY: It's a dead end, Boss. GIBBS: That cell phone log is the only record Curtin had that no one else did, and he got that just before he escaped. Whoever he is chasing is at one of those numbers. We just have to find out which one. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TENNIS COURTS - DAY KATE: If she was cheating on her husband, do you really think she'd tell the Commander's wife? TONY: Not if she was anything like the den mother I had. Talk about your bete noires. KATE: You were a Boy Scout? TONY: Cub. KATE: Ha! What'd they kick you out for? TONY: Trying to score Brownie points. (SFX: GATE OPENS) TONY: Ooh, not the brunette in the little red number.(SFX: TENNIS B.G.) KATE: Yep. TONY: She is absolutely nothing like my den mother. MRS. FOLEY: (V.O.) You really should talk to my husband. (PASSAGE OF TIME) MRS. FOLEY: I barely knew Petty Officer Curtin. KATE: We're actually more interested in what you know about his wife Margaret, Mrs. Foley. TONY: According to her cell phone records, you two spoke regularly after your husband's deployment. MRS. FOLEY: I kept in touch with all the wives. It was a stressful time. KATE: Did Mrs. Curtin ever talk about a man that she might have become close to, maybe even started seeing? MRS. FOLEY: No, but Margie wouldn't confide in me about something like that. TONY: What did you talk about? MRS. FOLEY: Mostly about whether we'd heard any news or talked to anyone. We were all desperate for information. KATE: Did Mrs. Curtin seem any more desperate than the rest of you? TONY: Or less? MRS. FOLEY: I really don't know. I was a wreck myself. My husband got called to Washington immediately after the second plane hit the Trade Center. He said his team was being deployed. He couldn't say where or for how long. KATE: They don't waste their time, do they? MRS. FOLEY: For the first six weeks we didn't hear so much as a word. After that we got occasional phone calls - emails. KATE: How long were they in Afghanistan? MRS. FOLEY: The lucky ones... almost six months. One came back after the first week. Bill made it through four and a half months before he got wounded. KATE: Wait, your husband made it back almost a month before Petty Officer Curtin? MRS. FOLEY: That's right. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - DAY GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Abby, do we have something linking Curtin's wife to Commander Foley?(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) As in biblically linking? (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) You got it. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) No, I don't. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Can you find it? (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Sorry, Gibbs, I left my Ouija board at home. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Is the magic in the board or in the hands that hold it? (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Good point. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) But it's spirits, not magic. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Fine. Have them call me when you find something. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Okay, be careful what you wish for. (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. FOLEY'S HOUSE - NIGHT GIBBS: Commander Foley? FOLEY: Yeah? TONY: We'll drive. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - NIGHT ABBY: (SPELLS) E...L...I...S...A! MCGEE: Whoa! ABBY: Sorry. MCGEE: What do you got? ABBY: ELISA. See, I figure, how can I find evidence of an affair using only physical evidence collected at a crime scene? Then I thought... ELISA. It's a blood test for herpes simplex two. MCGEE: Curtin's wife had herpes? ABBY: And her husband didn't. His medical records were admitted. Petty Officer Curtin had an extensive physical done before he went overseas. And I mean extensive. No herpes. MCGEE: Well, his wife could have gotten it before they got married. ABBY: Oh, the old "I must have gotten it before we met" defense? MCGEE: Well, it could happen. ABBY: Really? MCGEE: Well, not to me. You know, it didn't... it hasn't happened. It won't happen. ABBY: It didn't happen to her either. Her medical records were admitted during trial. Her last physical was six months before she was murdered when her husband was in Afghanistan. No herpes. MCGEE: All we need to do now is check Commander Foley's records. ABBY: Is there anything you can't find? MCGEE: A way to shut up DiNozzo. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT (FOLEY SIGNS THE PAPER) GIBBS: Well. You agree to waive your Article Thirty One rights. FOLEY: I've got nothing to hide. I already told you I haven't heard from him. I don't expect to. GIBBS: Why not? You testified on his behalf at the trial. You seemed to be sympathetic to his situation. FOLEY: Situation? GIBBS: Coming home and finding his wife in the bedroom with another guy. FOLEY: Well wouldn't that bother you? GIBBS: Oh, yeah. It bothered me a hell of a lot, only I chose divorce over murder. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OUTER OBSERVATION ROOM KATE: I didn't know that. TONY: He's lying. He's establishing rapport through shared communication. KATE: Are you sure he's lying? TONY: Of course I'm - no. GIBBS: (FILTERED) Of course I was coming home from a... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - NIGHT GIBBS: ...three month float in the Med, not six months in the war zone. FOLEY: Wouldn't make any difference to me. GIBBS: Actually, it was more like four and a half months for you. R-P-G broke your leg. FOLEY: I was lucky. It killed Petty Officer Gomez. GIBBS: When you came home, did you come home on crutches or a walking cast? FOLEY: What does any of this have to do with Petty Officer Curtin. GIBBS: It doesn't. It has to do with his wife and who really murdered her and the cable repairman. FOLEY: You think I killed them? GIBBS: Did you? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - NIGHT ABBY: What's taking you so long? MCGEE: It's not like I can just Google a Navy SEAL Commander and access confidential medical records. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - NIGHT FOLEY: You think I framed a teammate? A guy who would put his life on the line to save mine? GIBBS: Maybe you didn't mean to. If Curtin hadn't come home exactly when he did, who knows what direction this case might have gone in. FOLEY: Jack Curtin is one of the most insanely jealous men I've ever met. GIBBS: That's not what you said at his trial. FOLEY: I didn't want to see him get executed. (KNOCK ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) MCGEE: Sorry. Uh... could I see you a second, Boss? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OUTER OBSERVATION ROOM TONY: Oh, I can't believe I'm seeing what I'm seeing. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT (DOOR CLOSES) GIBBS: Never interrupt an interrogation, McGee. Never! MCGEE: I'm sorry. I... I...I just... I just thought... GIBBS: To have a thought, McGee, you think! Were you thinking when you went into the interrogation room?! MCGEE: Yes, Sir. I think so. GIBBS: Well, okay. What is so damn important? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) GIBBS: Margaret Curtin wasn't murdered by her jealous husband. She was murdered by her jealous lover... the same one that gave her herpes. FOLEY: I'm not answering another question until I talk to a lawyer. I want a lawyer now! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT MCGEE: I hate to rain on your parade, but we still don't have Curtin. KATE: At least he won't be able to kill Commander Foley. MCGEE: Well, if we go public that we've found his wife's killer, there's a good chance Curtin will turn himself in if he's still alive. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. TRUCK - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CURTIN APPLIES CREAM TO HIS SHOULDER) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT TONY: It doesn't make any sense. KATE: What? TONY: Nothing. It just...it doesn't make any sense. GIBBS: Are you going to give it up, DiNozzo, or are you just going to keep repeating yourself? TONY: The calls from Curtin's wife to the Foley house pretty much stopped after Foley got back from Afghanistan. GIBBS: Yeah, so? TONY: So if they were having an affair, wouldn't the calls increase after he got back into town? MCGEE: Well, they didn't need to talk on the phone. They could see each other in person. TONY: Why did she stop talking to his wife? KATE: Well maybe she couldn't. Would you be able to talk to the spouse of someone you were having an affair with? I mean, would a normal person? TONY: But she didn't completely stop. McGee, did Foley spend any time in the hospital after he got back? MCGEE: Yeah. He had surgery on his leg and then again for a staph infection. TONY: Right. The surgery was on November thirteenth, back in for the infection on the twenty first for... one, two, three - three days. MCGEE: Yeah, you're right. How'd you know that? TONY: Because those are the only days Curtin's wife made calls to Foley's house after he got back. GIBBS: Are you thinking what I think you're thinking? TONY: I don't know, Boss. Are you thinking what I think you're thinking? GIBBS: Yeah. Her lover wasn't Foley. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. FOLEY HOUSE - NIGHT GIBBS: (V.O.) It was his wife.(MUSIC OVER ACTION/CURTIN WATCHES THE HOUSE FROM HIS CAR) (DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT (MRS. FOLEY WALKS TO THE BATHROOM) (SFX: SHOWER RUNS B.G.) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT (SFX: GLASS BREAKS B.G.) (DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CURTIN WATCHES FROM THE DOORWAY) KATE: I think you have something of mine. (DOOR OPENS) TONY: Put your hands behind your head and interlock your fingers. GIBBS: Is this what you wanted your son to remember you for? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) TONY: I'm not sure I'd even mind. KATE: You wouldn't mind if your wife had an affair? TONY: With another babe? I don't think I would. KATE: Okay, I know I'm going to regret this, but why? TONY: Easy. With a guy I'd think... what's he got that I don't, but if it was a woman, I'd know. Plus there's the whole... you know. KATE: What? TONY: What do women... you know... KATE: Oh, please! Why are guys so interested in women who by definition, have no interest in them? TONY: There's no such thing. KATE: There's no such thing as lesbians? TONY: That's not what I said. KATE: Oh. You just think all lesbians secretly still want a man? TONY: Not all of them. KATE: Just the good-looking ones? TONY: You're putting words in my mouth. MCGEE: Welcome to the wonderful world of DiNozzo. KATE: So I guess you're completely above such fantasies? MCGEE: Yeah. I am. TONY: Believe it. (DOOR OPENS) MCGEE: Who's that? TONY: That's a good question. Ask him. GIBBS: She dropped off my glasses. MCGEE: Boss? GIBBS: Yeah, McGee? MCGEE: It was really nice working with you again. GIBBS: Same here, McGee. MCGEE: Oh, by the way, there's something that Tony and Kate have been meaning to ask you. (MCGEE WALKS O.S.)

A former Navy SEAL convicted of double homicide escapes from Leavenworth , resulting in Kate and McGee being assigned to protect the son and in-laws of the escaped prisoner. During the night, the SEAL breaks into the house to see his son before fleeing, leaving Todd tied to a chair and unarmed, her weapon having been taken by the SEAL as a form of protection and to be possibly used in another crime of some sort. Using her profiling skills, Kate theorizes that he may actually be innocent and had discovered the identity of the real killer while in jail. At headquarters, the team has to contend with the antagonistic defense and prosecution attorneys, one of which is Lt. Commander Faith Coleman as they review the evidence in order to find the real murderer before the SEAL delivers his own brand of justice: revenge .

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_14x23

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_14x23_0

THE TALONS OF WENG-CHIANG BY: ROBERT HOLMES Part Three Running time: 21:56 [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Doctor. DOCTOR: Shush. LEELA: Doctor. DOCTOR: Shush. LEELA: Doctor. CHANG: Sin! DOCTOR: Where's Litefoot? LEELA: He went out. He said he'd seen a Chinaman outside the window. DOCTOR: And you jumped through it. LEELA: Something like that. DOCTOR: Stay here. DOCTOR: Leela! Leela, no! Don't! Leela. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Ice! LITEFOOT: The sheer criminal effrontery. Things are coming to a pretty pass when ruffians will attack a man in his own home. DOCTOR: Well, they were Chinese ruffians. LITEFOOT: I wonder what they intended? DOCTOR: Robbery? LITEFOOT: Well, there are some pretty valuable things here. That K'ang-hsi vase, for instance. My family brought that back from Peking. Or that Chinese puzzle box. LITEFOOT: It doesn't open. Chap spent a week here once looking for a secret spring. DOCTOR: Fused molecules. LITEFOOT: No, no, no, no. Lacquered bronze. DOCTOR: It's extraordinary. It's from this planet. LITEFOOT: A parting gift from the Emperor. DOCTOR: Technology this advanced? Ah! Got it! Well, of course, that's the answer. LITEFOOT: What the Dickens are you raving about, Doctor? DOCTOR: Weng-Chiang. LITEFOOT: Weng-Chiang? DOCTOR: Weng-Chiang. I do hope that girl Leela isn't in danger. [SCENE_BREAK] WENG (OOV.): You will explain yourself, Li H'sen. [SCENE_BREAK] WENG: I will not tolerate failure! CHANG: There has been no failure, Lord. WENG: Then where is the time cabinet? CHANG: The house is marked. When night returns, my brothers in the band of death will strike. WENG: I put no trust in your dockyard riff-raff. CHANG: Lord, for your glory they would die willingly. WENG: Opium sodden scum. Strike! CHANG: Lord, I promise you will have the great cabinet of Weng-Chiang before another dawn. WENG: I had better. I grow weary of this hole in the ground. CHANG: You are safe here, Lord. WENG: Safe? It is a trap, and I was seen returning to it. CHANG: Tonight? WENG: Yes, and now he knows where I am, he will be back. CHANG: Who? WENG: By your description, the one you have already failed to kill. CHANG: The Doctor! I knew he was a danger. WENG: Listen, Li H'sen. WENG: The beasts of darkness. I have made them larger and more savage than lions! Yes, yes, the Doctor is a danger, and he was brought to my door by your blundering. You see what it means, Li H'sen? CHANG: He will die. WENG: The list of your failures is growing. I must be ready to move quickly. I need strength. CHANG: I will bring a girl, Lord. WENG: One will not be enough this time. I need two fresh young donors, and I need them at once. CHANG: It is not easy at this hour, Lord. WENG: No excuses! Get them! CHANG: Yes, Lord. [SCENE_BREAK] LITEFOOT: Haven't you slept? DOCTOR: Sleep is for tortoises. LITEFOOT: Any news of Miss Leela? DOCTOR: Not yet. LITEFOOT: Perhaps we should inform the police? DOCTOR: No, there are already nine missing girls on their list. LITEFOOT: Oh yes, but surely missing under very different circumstances. DOCTOR: No. If my suspicions are correct, then I know what those poor girls were used for, and I can't imagine a more grisly fate. He's a blackguard. LITEFOOT: Who's a blackguard? DOCTOR: I don't know who's a blackguard. Some slavering gangrenous vampire comes out of a sewer and stalks this city at night, he's a blackguard. I've got to find his lair and I haven't got an hour to loose. Look. You see? I've been trying to trace the line of the sewers. That's the Thames, this is the line of the Fleet, and that is the Palace Theatre. LITEFOOT: I'm beginning to see what you're getting at. DOCTOR: Good. Good. LITEFOOT: Yes, well, er, if you've finished with the tablecloth, I think I'd better dispose of that before my housekeeper arrives. DOCTOR: Right. LITEFOOT: How'd you know the course of the Fleet? It's been covered for centuries. DOCTOR: I caught a salmon there once. Would have hung over the sides of this table. Shared it with the Venerable Bede. He adored fish. DOCTOR: Professor, you don't happen to have an elephant gun, do you? LITEFOOT: Elephants? Why on Earth do you want an elephant gun? DOCTOR: We're about to embark on a very dangerous mission. LITEFOOT: Well, I've a Chinese fowling piece if that's any good. Used for duck, mainly. DOCTOR: Made in Birmingham. Yes, that's the main requirement. Could you get me a small boat? LITEFOOT: I imagine so. May I ask the purpose of these preparations? DOCTOR: Yes. To find the confluence of the Thames and Fleet, Professor, then to follow the Fleet. LITEFOOT: And then? DOCTOR: Oh, and then we shall see. [SCENE_BREAK] TERESA: Ta, ducks. TERESA: Oh! CHANG: Pleasant are the dreams of morning. TERESA: You gave me a turn, dearie. CHANG: Fresh as dew and bright with promise. TERESA: Yeah, well, that's how you might see it, Mister Ching-ching, but as far as I'm concerned all I want is a pair of smoked kippers, a cup of rosie and put me plates up for a few hours, savvy? CHANG: Budding lotus of the dawn, despicable Chang has other ideas. TERESA: Well, I can tell you what to do with your ideas. CHANG: You will come with me. [SCENE_BREAK] CHANG: Await my return. LEELA: The spell of the shaman. CHANG: Come. I said come! [SCENE_BREAK] CHANG: Come, you painted drabs. My master must feed. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: There it is, fifty yards ahead. LITEFOOT: Sit down, Doctor. The man knows these waters. DOCTOR: I've always enjoyed messing about in boats. LITEFOOT: I think this entire enterprise is extremely rash and ill-considered. DOCTOR: My dear Litefoot, I've got a lantern and a pair of waders, and possibly the most fearsome piece of hand artillery in all England. What could possibly go wrong? LITEFOOT: Well, that for a start. It hasn't been fired for fifty years. If you try to use it, it'll probably explode in your face. DOCTOR: Explode? Unthinkable. It was made in Birmingham. Tie up over there, skipper. [SCENE_BREAK] CHANG: You will hear the commands of my master, Weng-Chiang, and obey. WENG: Where did you get them? CHANG: Are they unsuitable, Lord? WENG: They're not the best, but they'll do. They're young. Their life essence is still strong. Oh, this one has muscles like a horse! CHANG: I took what I could find, Lord. WENG: I have given you knowledge. I have made you a leader among your fellows. All I have asked for in return is a few contemptible slatterns who will never be missed. CHANG: But they are missed, Lord. And because your need is so great, I've been forced to move unwisely. WENG: Unwisely? CHANG: I took this one from the rooms above. Nobody saw, but it will bring the police even nearer. WENG: It is of no consequence. Once I have the time cabinet, I can move from here. Now put this one in the distillation chamber. CHANG: Yes, Lord. WENG: Leave me to my work. (to Leela) I shall not keep you waiting long. [SCENE_BREAK] LITEFOOT (OOV.): All right, Doctor? DOCTOR: All right, Professor. LITEFOOT (OOV.): I'll wait for you for two hours, then. DOCTOR: Yes, no more. If I'm still in here at high tide. LITEFOOT (OOV.): Yes? DOCTOR: Don't bother. LITEFOOT (OOV.): Oh. Well, good luck! [SCENE_BREAK] WENG: When my beauties find her, she will wish she had died here! [SCENE_BREAK] CASEY: Hey, you. What's your business here? WHORE: Business? Where the devil am I? CASEY: Oh, you wouldn't be knowing. WHORE: What happened to me last night? Can't remember a thing. CASEY: Look, if there's anything missing, I'll remember you sure enough. Now you come on, get on out of here. WHORE: Get your hands off of me! I'm a lady. JAGO: What's the trouble, Casey? CASEY: No trouble, Mister Jago. I'm just seeing this lady off the premises. WHORE: Oh, my lord. It was him! It was him! JAGO: Mister Chang? What are you talking about? WHORE: Quick, let me out of this place! Let me go! JAGO: Another case of the screaming oopizootics. I'll bear that in mind. CASEY: What? JAGO: It might have some relevance to the matter in hand. CASEY: What matter? JAGO: The investigation, Casey. These missing females. I've made the acquaintance of a very high-up gentleman, an amateur investigator who's been called in personally by the Yard. Scotland Yard. And I am assisting him. CASEY: No. JAGO: I am. He told me to watch, Casey, and I am watching, everywhere. [SCENE_BREAK] WENG: You incompetent fool! She was a tigress! CHANG: She substituted herself for the woman I had found. The police must be closing in. WENG: My rats will dispose of her, but you, Li H'sen, have made too many mistakes. CHANG: That girl. She was with the doctor. It is not the police, it is he who sent her. WENG: Vacant excuses. You have failed me! You know that until I have the time cabinet, I can never be whole again, never escape from this hideous condition. Yet knowing this, you still failed me. CHANG: Lord, hear me. I would lay down my life in your service. WENG: You are dismissed, Li H'sen. I can no longer leave my fate in your blundering hands. CHANG: Great one, let me find this doctor. Let me strike him down for the harm he has done you. WENG: Do not beg. You have proved unworthy. Go! CHANG: I await your commands, Lord. WENG: Go!

Leela follows Chang in order to find Greel's hideout while the Doctor and Litefoot set about finding her.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_08x07

fd_One_Tree_Hill_08x07_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] SYLVIA: Trick or treat! BROOKE: Can I help you? SYLVIA: Is my son here? BROOKE: Oh, please, God, no. MIA: Hey. I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry Alex left town. CHASE: Look, we both know you wanted her gone. And now she's gone. Just do me a favor... don't pretend you care, okay? CLAY: I was thinking about what you said about that quarterback, Troy Jameson. NATHAN: Yeah? You gonna talk to him? CLAY: No. But you are. NATHAN: I can't do that. I'm not an agent. CLAY: Look, if you want to help me out with the agency, this is where you can start. SYLVIA: So the reason that I came a few weeks early is that I want to help with the wedding. Financially. JULIAN: Mom, what are you talking about? SYLVIA: I'm gonna pay for everything. I'm gonna make this the wedding that you both always dreamed of. HALEY: Crisis intervention. ERIN: Hi. Haley? HALEY: Hi. You haven't called in a while. ERIN: I wanted to call, but I figured I shouldn't be wasting all your time. I'm not the only person with problems. HALEY: Trust me. You're not wasting a second of my time. ERIN: Slainte, Haley. HALEY: Sorry? ERIN: It means "cheers." HALEY: Slainte, Erin. HALEY: Hey. You were great... I mean really great. ERIN: Thanks very much. Slainte. HALEY: Cheers. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Julian sees his documentary. Brooke joins him. BROOKE: I wonder if they'd all be smiling if they knew you were filming them from the bushes. JULIAN: I was just thinking about the wedding, and I realized I don't have a best man. Since I moved to Tree Hill, I've lived in this Brooke bubble, and I haven't gotten close to anyone else. Brooke? BROOKE: Sorry. I was just trying to envision a Brooke bubble. Who was your best friend growing up? JULIAN: Um... (Sylvia comes) SYLVIA: I was! Isn't that right? Ju-ju bee? JULIAN: 10-4, big mama. BROOKE: Okay, maybe it wouldn't hurt for you to have some male friends here. Why don't you bond with the guys today while I take your mom to the bridal expo? JULIAN: I can't go? Not that I want to. It's just... Are you sure you're gonna be okay spending the whole day alone with my mom today? BROOKE: Yeah. It beats spending the day with my mom in prison. Besides, she's almost as excited about our wedding as I am. SYLVIA: Ready? BROOKE: Mm. SYLVIA: Okay. BROOKE: Over and out, mama's boy. SYLVIA: You look pretty. PEYTON'S OFFICE Chase come in with coffee. CHASE: I thought you two could use a coffee break. HALEY: Hey! MIA: Thanks, Chase. CHASE: Oh. I heard pregnant ladies can't drink coffee. HALEY: Oh. Yeah. We can't. Juice would've been fine...that was really nice of you... glass of water. CHASE: No problem. Let me know if you need anything else. Chase, out. Sorry. HALEY: See you, buddy. So, things seem to be going really well with you guys. MIA: Yeah, now that Alex is out of the way, I can finally talk to him again. HALEY: Yeah. Oh, look... "knuckle-puss." Let's put that in the pre-hate file. MIA: We're never gonna find another artist. HALEY: Yes, we will. Okay. What about the girl from open-Mike night? MIA: She was awesome. Why? Do you know her? HALEY: Sort of. Her name's Erin. MIA: Great. So get her in here. HALEY: I would love to, but the only reason I know her is that she's been calling into the crisis center hotline. It's supposed to be anonymous. MIA: But you know as well as I do that artists love to hear how great they are. HALEY: Yeah. That's true. I think you're great. MIA: You're so awesome. CLINN'S HOUSE Nathan enters in the house and sees Clay dancing. CLAY: Quinn's out of town, man. What'd you expect? NATHAN: Literally, anything else. CLAY: Yeah. Hey, I got an interesting phone call this morning. NATHAN: Yeah. Sorry about that. Jamie's been calling everybody about this frog he found. CLAY: No, I... Jamie found a frog? That's awesome. No, but, uh... I just heard that Troy Jameson fired his agents. So if we want to sign him, we got to act fast. NATHAN: Great. What can I do to help? CLAY: I need you to fly to Atlanta and talk to the falcons' management. NATHAN: I was thinking more along the lines of getting you something for lunch. There's no way I'm ready for something like that. CLAY: Nate, all you got to do is go there and find out what's holding up Troy's contract. You'll be back in time for dinner. I mean, look, I would do it myself, but I'm under strict doctor's orders not to fly. NATHAN: Yeah. You feeling any better? CLAY: Yeah, you know, a little. You know, but it's still hard to move my right arm. So, that and the fact that Quinn's out of town is really killing my s*x life. NATHAN: Well, that's why I learned how to dribble with both hands. MOUTH'S APARTMENT Mouth wakes up. He sees a man in his bed. He screams. Skills have him a joke. SKILLS: Oh, quiet, Mouth. Lucas had a rough night. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Alex is back. JULIAN: Alex, what are you doing here? ALEX: I had a few days off, and I wanted to come visit. What are you up to today? JULIAN: I was just gonna hang with the guys today. ALEX: Yeah, right. In your dreams, buddy. JULIAN: W... CRISIS INTERVENTIONS Haley is at her job. HALEY: Yes, it was all just a dream. Mm-hmm. That's why the top kept spinning. Yes, it was a little long. Okay. Thank you. Goodbye. Crisis intervention. ERIN: Haley? HALEY: Erin? Hi. I'm so glad you called. How... how have you been? Uh, have you had any luck finding inspiration? ERIN: Actually, yeah. I, uh... I got up and I sang at an open mike the other night. It felt great. HALEY: Good. Um... Can I tell you something? ERIN: Yeah. HALEY: I was there. You said "slainte" to me before you left. ERIN: What do you mean you were there? HALEY: Well, Red Bedroom Records is my label. I own it. And I think you're great. I would love to meet with you sometime. I... (She hangs up) HALEY: Erin? ONE TREE HILL - CREDITS BRULIAN'S HOUSE Julian makes documentary about Alex. ALEX Hi! My name is Alex Dupre. You might recognize me from tabloids, rehab, and Internet p0rn. But I also do an occasional movie. JULIAN: Okay. Come on, Alex. Be serious. ALEX: Um...not long ago, I... I tried to commit suicide. JULIAN: Uh, okay, maybe not that serious. ALEX: Okay. What do you want from me? I didn't come to town to be videotaped for your perv collection. JULIAN: Okay, it's a documentary about what comes next for the people in my life. ALEX: That sounds really boring, but that's not why I came back, either. JULIAN: So why did you come back? ALEX: To talk to Chase. I didn't like the way things ended with him. JULIAN: Okay. Perfect. How did things end with Chase? (Alex takes the camera of the hands to him) ALEX: Let's see how you like it. JULIAN: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I'm n... I'm not a part of the documentary. ALEX: You are now. So, what's up with this need for sudden male bonding? Come on, Clarice. Quid pro quo. JULIAN: Uh... I need to find a best man for my wedding. WEDDING EXPO Sylvia and Brooke are the exposition. SYLVIA: Ohh! Well, what do you think? BROOKE: I feel like bridezilla, and this is my little, unsuspecting Japanese village. SYLVIA: Ah. Thank you. To you and your wedding. BROOKE: Two of my favorite things. SYLVIA: Ooh! Matt McGraw photography. They would be perfect for your wedding. BROOKE: I'm sure, but I'm actually gonna ask my friend Quinn. She is an amazing photographer. SYLVIA: Quinn? Quinn who? BROOKE: Quinn James. SYLVIA: I've never heard of it. BROOKE: Okay, um... SYLVIA: Hello. This is beautiful. MOUTH'S APARTMENT MOUTH: "It"? SKILLS: Now, is that any way to talk about one of your oldest friends? MOUTH: Sorry. Where did you get... Lucas? SKILLS: We needed a stunt mannequin down at the job, so I had one made that look just like him. MOUTH: You don't have one of me, do you? SKILLS: Hell no. That would be weird. So, what's been up, man? You good? I was kind of hoping Millie would be here right now because Lucas wanted a three-way. MOUTH: No, that ended when she went home with a gladiator. It was Halloween. SKILLS: At least it wasn't the crow. You want to talk about it? MOUTH: Not really. SKILLS: You want to talk to Lucas about it? MOUTH: No. SKILLS: That's cold, man. Hey, look, at least we're here to cheer you up. We're going out, man, so go ahead and get dressed. But first, Lucas needs a bath. MOUTH: Ugh. CLUB TRIC Mia talks with Chase. MIA: Thanks again for the coffee. CHASE: It was a peace offering for the way I've been acting lately. MIA: Guilt coffee, huh? Yum! (Alex comes in) ALEX: Excuse me, bar manager. When you're done helping that little boy, can I get a drink? Can I talk to you? Alone. CHASE: I don't think so. We're in the middle of something. ALEX: Fine. Next time, I'll just text you. CHASE: Don't bother. ALEX: Sorry. I know that was hard for you. But... if you ever need to make that bitch jealous... I'm your girl. CHASE: Thanks. WEDDING EXPO SYLVIA: Now, there are three things to consider when selecting a church. First is pew size. BROOKE: Um, we are actually gonna have an outdoor wedding. SYLVIA: Oh. No. No, no, no. What if it rains? No, my son and beautiful daughter-in-law will not be married in a tent like circus folk. You can't control mother nature. BROOKE: Or mother Baker. SYLVIA: And even if it's sunny, there will be bees. BROOKE: Well... SYLVIA: But I guess you could always hang salami. BROOKE: That's what he said. Wait. What? SYLVIA: Salami keeps away the bees. BROOKE: But wouldn't that look awful? SYLVIA: You're right. That's why we should have it inside. BROOKE: But... PEYTON'S OFFICE Haley arrives, Mia is here. MIA: Hey! HALEY: Hey. MIA: Hey, you'll never guess who came in today. HALEY: Erin? MIA: Alex. HALEY: Oh. MIA: Yeah. She wanted to talk to Chase, and he blew her off. HALEY: Nice. I think you should talk to Chase and see if you can convince him to give her another chance. MIA: Hello? Why would I do that? HALEY:I don't know. I'm just trying to give you the same quality advice that you gave me earlier. Open-mike night? Crisis center girl? Is any of that ringing a bell? MIA: Okay. HALEY: Yeah, I talked to her today. I took your advice and told her how great I thought she was. And she hung up on me. MIA: Oh. Whoops. HALEY: "Whoops" is right. MIA: Well, Haley, you're the counselor. I mean, you should never listen to a musician for help out of a crisis. We're usually the ones in a crisis. HALEY: I'm a musician, too. MIA: Probably part of the problem. GYMNASIUM Nathan meets Troy's agent. AGENT: Nathan Scott. I got to say it's strange discussing a football player's deal with a basketball player. NATHAN: Retired basketball player. AGENT: Yeah, I was sorry to hear that, but I can't say I was sorry to see you go. You gave our hawks a bit of trouble last season. NATHAN: Well, hopefully I can make that up to you by getting Troy onto the field. AGENT: That'd be nice. We're trying hard on our end, but his former agents didn't exactly help his situation. NATHAN: And that's why they're his former agents. So, can you tell me where things broke down? AGENT: We agreed on everything except for one-timers and escalators. What did you have in mind in terms of escalators? Nathan calls Clay. NATHAN: What do you think I said, Clay? The only escalator I know about is the one I'm riding down from the office where I looked like an idiot! Whatever. I'm coming home. WEDDING EXPO SYLVIA: Ohh. Here we go! BROOKE: Oh, we can skip this section. I'm gonna make the bridesmaids dresses myself. I think all my girlfriends deserve a sexy Brooke Davis original. SYLVIA: Sexy bridesmaid? Ohh. Those two don't go together. No, honey, the whole point is for them to look ugly so that you look pretty, right? BROOKE: Well, I'm gonna look fine regardless. Sylvia, ugly bridesmaids dresses make me sad. They get one night out where they just get made fun of. And then it's off to the back of the closet, where they emerge as a bad joke on Halloween. SYLVIA: Oh, g... look how ugly this one is. You're gonna look so beautiful. PEYTON'S OFFICE HALEY(at phone): And there are no messages? Oh, okay. Yeah. Thanks. Bye. MIA: Maybe she's just busy. You know? I'm sure she'll call again. HALEY: I'm sure she will... to tell my supervisor I violated the one rule that they have. MIA: Haley, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't listen to me. I'm an idiot. HALEY: It's not your fault. I just... I should've listened to that monkey. I'm the idiot. (Nathan comes) NATHAN: I looked like an idiot. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Alex sees again Julian. JULIAN: I doubt you looked that bad. ALEX: Trust me. I did. I am never going to Tric again. And why does Mia always have to be there? JULIAN: Uh, isn't her label there? ALEX: Chase just flirted with her right in front of me. I mean, why do guys do stuff like that? JULIAN: I have no idea.I'll ask the guys later today if I can figure out a way to bond with them. ALEX: Guys aren't that tough to figure out, Julian. They like s*x and poker. I go with s*x, but I'd suggest you go with poker. JULIAN: Hmm. Isn't it a little late for a poker game? ALEX: So tell them it's for Clay. I mean, who'd turn that down? The guy almost died. JULIAN: That's genius. You're really good at trapping people. ALEX: I know, right? Oh, and invite Chase and let me be the dealer. That will give me a chance to corner him without that troll lurking around. JULIAN: Like, really good at trapping people. PEYTON'S OFFICE Nathan talks with Haley. NATHAN: You should've seen the way he looked at me. I haven't felt that stupid since high school. And at least then I could beat somebody up to feel better. HALEY: Well, don't beat yourself up. It was just your first try. Did you make the first basket you ever shot? NATHAN: Yeah. HALEY: Oh. NATHAN: To be fair, I was 2, and the basket came up to my waist. But stats is stats. HALEY: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I screwed up pretty bad with Erin today. She called in, and I told her I had seen her perform live, and she hung up on me. NATHAN: I'm sorry, babe. So we're both a couple of screw-ups, then. HALEY: Always and forever. (Their phone ring) HALEY: Brooke. NATHAN: Julian. HALEY: Hello? WEDDING EXPO Brooke calls Haley. BROOKE: Get your prego ass to the wedding expo, pronto! HALEY: Hi, Brooke. Love you too. BROOKE: I'm serious. Julian's mom is out of control. She's making me try on tiaras and wedding dresses. HALEY(at phone): I thought you were making your own. BROOKE: Well, so did I, but apparently Sylvia doesn't care. She's even picking out the bridesmaids dresses. And she wants them to be ugly, Haley! On purpose! HALEY(at phone): I'm on my way. (They hang up) SYLVIA: Ohh, you know what that dress is missing? BROOKE: Style? SYLVIA: That's right. A smile. PEYTON'S HOUSE HALEY: Well, I have another crisis to deal with, and if it's anything like this morning, Brooke's gonna cancel the wedding before tonight. NATHAN: Sweet. HALEY: Yeah. NATHAN: I'm gonna gamble all our money away in a poker game. HALEY: Rad! Screw-up superpowers activate. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Julian calls everybody. ALEX: Am I gonna have to give you a pep talk before every call? You act like you're asking these guys to prom. JULIAN: I should've called Clay first. What if he says no? Then I have to call Nathan back. ALEX: Wow, Julian, I haven't seen you this nervous since I took my clothes off in front of you. Just call, you wuss. JULIAN: Okay. (at phone) Hey, Clay. It's "J." J-man. CLAY(at phone): Jamie. What's up, little man? I heard you found a frog. JULIAN(at phone): Um, no. It's Julian. Uh, Baker. Brooke's fiance. The movie guy. We hung out in Utah. Wait. Jamie found a frog? Um, anyway, uh, never mind. Um, I'm just having some guys over for poker tonight. You know, poker night. You busy? CLAY(at phone): No. Uh, not busy. JULIAN: Okay, well, I... I'll see you later, then. Yes! He said yes! Yes! Whew! Nice! ALEX: Okay. Great. Good job. JULIAN: Oh, no. It's a text from Nathan. He's probably canceling. ALEX: Okay, take it easy, sensitive Julian. He wants to have the game at his house instead. JULIAN: Oh. ALEX: Probably for the best. NALEY'S HOUSE Julian arrives at the party. NATHAN: Hey, Julian's here. MEN: Hey! MOUTH: Come sit next to me, J-man. NATHAN: No, he's sitting next to his best man. MOUTH: I'm his best man. SKILLS: No, no, I'm his best man. CLAY: No, no, no, no. I'm his best man. CHASE: I'm bar manager! JULIAN: Guys, guys, you can all be my best men. MEN: Yeah! In fact, Julian dreamed. He glossies to sound itself to enter the house. JULIAN: Okay. Okay. Be cool, Julian. Just... just be cool. Be yourself. Hey, guys. W... what's wrong? ALEX: Julian's here! JUNK: Hmm. A girl. At poker night. CHASE: Good going, Julian! JULIAN: Ohh. WEDDING EXPO BROOKE: Please, Sylvia, no more dresses. SYLVIA: You're right. This is the one. BROOKE: Hey! What a random and... total coincidence. My best friend Haley is here! SYLVIA: Oh? BROOKE: Unexpectedly. SYLVIA: Where? BROOKE: Let's see what she thinks. Hales! (Haley comes in) HALEY: Oh, my God. You look so beautiful. Hi. SYLVIA: Hi. Well, I told her this is the one. I'm gonna put these two back. BROOKE: Okay. Are you kidding me, Haley?! I called you here to help me! HALEY: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I... you're right. I forgot how much my hormones act up when I'm pregnant. Sorry. I'm so excited you're getting married! NALEY'S HOUSE ALEX: If this impresses you, I can also cut the deck with my tongue. SKILLS: Hmm. ALEX: You ladies know how to play hold 'em, right? No-limit. When you're out, you're out. SKILLS: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. Those are Lucas' chips. JULIAN: Sorry, Lucas. NATHAN: There you go. JULIAN: Thanks. SKILLS: Oh, yeah. I'm in. CLAY: So, how's the documentary coming along, Julian? NATHAN: Wow. I'm surprised you didn't send me to ask him. JULIAN: Uh, really well, actually. SKILLS: Oh, word? What's it about poker? JULIAN: No, it's about the people around me as they enter the next chapter of their lives. JUNK: Ahh. Poker sounds better. SKILLS: Which people? JULIAN: Actually, I've spent the last few days filming Mouth. CHASE: So you're following up your successful indie with a documentary about Mouth? MOUTH: What's wrong with that? CHASE: It's just weird. I mean, he hasn't even filmed me yet, and I'm your boss. Which reminds me, who said you could have the night off? SKILLS: Uh, Lucas did. You know, and since he owns Tric, he's your boss. Ha ha! My dawg! JULIAN: So, Clay, how you feeling? CLAY: A hell of a lot better since I got out of the house. I was going a little bit stir-crazy. ALEX: Are you kidding me? I could never get sick of a house where you can see the ocean from your bed. CHASE: How do you know that? JULIAN: So, who needs a snack? WEDDING EXPO SYLVIA: Ooh! You two are just in time. Steve over here gave us a deal on the last baby angel made of pate. BROOKE: Okay. Can... can we just slow down a bit? I... I wanted to come here to get ideas. But I don't really want to commit to everything right away. SYLVIA: Well, regardless, you are gonna have to pick a caterer at some point. Unless your friend "Quint" can cook, too. BROOKE: Quinn. Quinn. She's Haley's older sister. HALEY: Oh, Quinn can't cook to save her life, mnh-mnh. BROOKE: Well... HALEY: No. BROOKE: Actually, we were thinking, rather than a traditional dinner, we might have a constant flow of appetizers throughout the night so people can mingle and dance, and there's always new food. SYLVIA: No, no, no. People come to a wedding expecting dinner. Can't just pass around snacks like a backyard hootenanny. How about a Tuscan feast with a carving station? I think that's a bit much for me. BROOKE: Don't you think, Haley? HALEY: That sounds awesome. SYLVIA: Right. NALEY'S HOUSE CHASE: Of course you slept with Clay. Were you researching to be an agent or a slut? ALEX: That was before I even knew you. You act like I'd sleep with... anyone. JUNK: Hey. ALEX: No offense, Fergie. JUNK: I'm Junk. SKILLS: Everybody always mixes them up. FERGIE: Lauren didn't. JUNK: Right. She got you and Mouth mixed up. MOUTH: Hey, why you got to bring me into this? CHASE: Hear that, Alex? Mouth's available if you need to study more on bar-tending. But this time, at least try being honest about it. ALEX: I never lied to you. CHASE: No. You just conveniently left out the part about using me. I guess it was easier to let me figure it out for myself. There's a lot of that going around. CLAY: Oh, dude, come on. How long are you gonna stay mad at me? NATHAN: I'm just saying, if I wanted to look stupid, I would've stayed at home and played trivial pursuit against Haley. I didn't have to go to Atlanta. JULIAN: What were you doing there? NATHAN: I don't know. Clay, what was I doing in Atlanta? I mean, besides making an ass of myself? JULIAN: Uh, full house. CHASE: I'm beat. CLAY: Nice call, Julian. Poker night. NATHAN: Two bucks. Clay, please, tell everybody here what I was doing in Atlanta. CLAY: Well, I sent him to Atlanta so that he could talk to the Falcons' management, but he got stuck on an escalator. JULIAN: I always hated escalators when I was little. I thought the teeth at the bottom were gonna eat my feet. NATHAN: I'm glad you think it's funny. You know what... if being an agent means setting up your friends to fail, I don't want to be a part of fortitude. Two more. SKILLS: What's fortitude? CLAY: It's my agency. SKILLS: Sounds like it belongs on one of them inspirational posters with a dude paddling a canoe. CHASE: I have one of those hanging in my office. MOUTH: You mean above the bar? ALEX: You should name it adobe. SKILLS: Aw, hell. ALEX: Adobe is bricks made out of clay. So it would be like the agency built from clay. SKILLS: All right, now, that's cool. CLAY: The name of the agency is fortitude. SKILLS: I like adobe better. CLAY: Whatever, "Skills." JULIAN: Okay. I'll play. CLAY: Two pair. JULIAN: Uh, three aces. Who needs another drink? WEDDING EXPO SYLVIA: Champagne! BROOKE: Listen to me... unless you want your baby to be born with a dent in its head the size of my fist, you had better start agreeing with me. HALEY: Hear that, baby? That's auntie Brooke's way of saying she can't wait to meet you. BROOKE: Hmm! SYLVIA: Oh, wouldn't this champagne fountain look beautiful at your reception? BROOKE: It's... not really my taste. SYLVIA: Well, what kind of wedding doesn't have a champagne fountain? BROOKE: Mine. HALEY: Mine, either. I wish it did, though. I do. Brooke, it's so cool. Come on. This is like a fountain of happiness. SYLVIA: Ahh. That's what I thought, too. BROOKE: I know. You know, just excuse us for one second. I want to show Haley something. HALEY: What did you want to show me? BROOKE: The exit. HALEY: Why? BROOKE: I love you, but your hormones are not helping me right now. HALEY: Fine. But go easy on her, okay? She's so excited for you! BROOKE: You're doing it again! Go. NALEY'S HOUSE SKILLS: What's wrong with my name? CLAY: Well, it's not even a real name. I mean, what is it you're so skilled at? SKILLS: Everything. MOUTH: I think nicknames are cool. You never had one, Clay? SKILLS: Oh, no, he don't need one, remember? He has "fortitude." JULIAN: So, how'd you get yours, Fergie? FERGIE: My name's Ferguson. JULIAN: Oh. JUNK: Uh, my parents own a junkyard. Bet you want to sleep with me now. CHASE: She would if they did a remake of "Sanford and son." JULIAN: Oh, so, Mouth...uh, there's got to be a great story behind that nickname. ALEX: I have a few guesses. MOUTH: When we were kids, I used to do commentary for games at the river court. Then one day, Nathan came up to me, said I had a big mouth, and punched me in it. After that, it kind of stuck. NATHAN: No, I didn't. SKILLS: Yes, you did. You hit him hard, too. NATHAN: Damn it. I... I was a jerk back then. I'm sorry, Mouth. MOUTH: It's okay. It was a long time ago. And besides, I like "Mouth" better than "Marvin." NATHAN: You see that, Clay? That's how friends apologize to each other. CHASE: I'm glad I never had a nickname. MOUTH: Yeah, you did. CHASE: What was it? MOUTH: "Chaste." CRISIS INTERVENTIONS Haley comes see if she has a message. WOMAN: Hey, Haley. Isn't your shift over? HALEY: Uh, yeah, I just came by to see if anybody called or left me a message. WOMAN: Oh. No. Were you expecting someone? HALEY: No. I guess not. Shut up, monkey. NALEY'S HOUSE ALEX: Why Chaste? NATHAN: Because he was in the virgin club in high school. CHASE: Uh, I'm all-in. It was called the Clean Teens. JULIAN: I'm all-in, too. JUNK: Yeah, yeah, that's better. CHASE: At least I was a virgin by choice. ALEX: I think that's sweet. We didn't have anything like that in my high school. CHASE: Of course not. You went there. I'm all-in, too. NATHAN: Okay. Trip jacks. SKILLS: Straight. CHASE: Flush. MOUTH: Full house. JULIAN: Royal flush. NATHAN: Great. Well, that's everything. No money, no job. Thanks, Julian. Thanks, Clay. MOUTH: Thanks, Julian. - Thanks, Julian. MEN: Thanks a lot. Great party. Good time. JULIAN: So, who wants to be my best man? WEDDING EXPO BROOKE: Excuse me. Have you seen a middle-aged woman with short hair running around here like she's the bride? WOMAN: Uh, you just described every mom here. BROOKE: Right. She's probably stuffing the champagne fountain with bee-repellent salami into the back of my car. "Come down to the expo. We'll have a good time, have a few laughs." Yippee-ki-yay, mother Baker. I've been hanging around Julian too long. Come on, Sylvia! NALEY'S HOUSE Everybody go home. NATHAN: Oh. I'll take that. CHASE: Ahh. You guys want to grab a drink at Tric? SKILLS: Uh, that would've been a great idea about, what, an hour ago, before Julian cleaned everybody out. CHASE: No, I'm buying. See, I'm bar... MOUTH: Manager. Yeah, we know. CLAY: Hey, man. Can I talk to you for a second? NATHAN: Yeah. Julian joins Alex inside swimming pool. JULIAN: 10 bucks for your thoughts. I had a big night. Are you okay? ALEX: I never got to talk to Chase. He was just so mean all night. JULIAN: Wow. I... I... I didn't think it was bothering you. You seemed fine. ALEX: I'm an actress, Julian. The whole reason I flew back was to apologize to him, and I never got the chance. Now it's worse than when I last left. JULIAN: Then fix it. Everyone's over at Tric. You can go over there and apologize to him now. But when you do, just be yourself. Don't act. ALEX: Why not? I'm a great actress. JULIAN: Yes, you are, but you're an even better person. Let him see that. ALEX: Ah. I'm not that good of a person. I've been dealing you cards from the bottom of the deck all night. JULIAN: That wasn't luck? ALEX: Nope. It's probably why your male bonding didn't go so well. I forgot that guys hate to lose money more than they like s*x and poker. I'm sorry. JULIAN: That's okay. I've always been better friends with girls anyway. Come on. Clay discuses with Nathan. CLAY: You're right. NATHAN: Well, that's the best start to a conversation I've ever heard. CLAY: I... I'm sorry I didn't prepare you for Atlanta. NATHAN: It's fine. I don't think I'm cut out to be an agent anyway. I never studied in school 'cause I could shoot a basketball. CLAY: That's exactly why you should become an agent. NATHAN: Why? Because I never studied? CLAY: No, because you could shoot a basketball. Look, not many of us on this side ever played or understand what that's like. You know, but you do. And the rest of the stuff you can learn. NATHAN: I don't know. CLAY: Yeah, but I do. Look, man, I know you struggled today. But my instincts tell me that you're gonna be great at this. And Troy must agree with me because he wants you to be his agent. Congratulations, you signed your first client... who happens to be a first-round pick. Not a bad start. NATHAN: I... I've never had a business card before. Oh. Thanks, man. CLAY: And, uh, by the way, an escalator clause... it's just an incentive based on playing time and performance. NATHAN: So, basically, it's a fancy word for a bonus? CLAY: See? Look at that. You're already talking like an agent. I'll see you tomorrow. NATHAN: Hey, Clay. Fortitude. Strong name. CLAY: It is, right? BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke puts Sylvia in bed. SYLVIA: Thank you, Brooke. You are wonderful. BROOKE: And you are drunk. SYLVIA: And thank you for loving my Julian. BROOKE: He makes it easy. SYLVIA: He is so happy. And that means the world to me. Ohh. I always wanted a daughter. And today was...well, it was just everything that I dreamed it would be. BROOKE: I had fun, too. Get some sleep. SYLVIA: Mm-hmm. Please don't tell Julian that I was drinking. He worries. PEYTON'S OFFICE Finally, Erin comes in. ERIN: Nice studio. HALEY: I was kind of expecting a bedroom. Um, j... listen, Erin. About earlier, I'm... I'm so sorry. I should never have betrayed your trust. ERIN: Let me ask you a question. Did you really like my music? Or did you just not want a suicide on your hands? HALEY: I really liked it. CLUB TRIC Alex comes to see Chase. ALEX: I'm sorry about the way I left things. And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about the movie. I just... I knew if I did, it would ruin what we had. And I loved what we had. I should have told you that. CHASE: Huh. That's a good speech. Who wrote it? ALEX: No one. It's the truth. (Chase kisses Mia) CHASE: I guess the truth hurts, huh? (Alex punches him) CHASE: Sorry. I just... (Mia punches him) MOUTH: You're in the movie now, boss. Thanks, Skills. This did cheer me up. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Julian comes back at home. JULIAN: So, how was the expo? BROOKE: Your mom had a good time. JULIAN: Ah. What about you? BROOKE: We had a good time. How'd bonding go? JULIAN: Oh, guys are mean. I missed being in the Brooke bubble. BROOKE: Well, yeah. 'Cause it's the best place ever. Not that I've ever really been out of it. Mm. JULIAN: It wasn't a total loss, though. I won 200 bucks, and I found my best man. BROOKE: Oh, yeah? Oh... No. JULIAN: I won him from Skills. What do you think? BROOKE: I think you are never allowed out of the Brooke bubble again. JULIAN: It's either him or Junk/Fergie. BROOKE: Okay. "Best mannequin" it is. Make sure he gets a tux. Put that thing...why is there salami hanging from the lamp? JULIAN: I saw a bee. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley joins Nathan at bed. HALEY: So, guess what? NATHAN: What? HALEY: Erin is gonna come back tomorrow. I guess I didn't mess up as bad as I thought I did. NATHAN: You never do. Turns out I didn't, either. Troy Jameson wants me to be his agent. HALEY: Are you serious? NATHAN: Mm-hmm. HALEY: Oh, my God! That's amazing! See? I'm so proud of you. I knew you could do it. NATHAN: I haven't really done anything yet. HALEY: You signed the first client that you talked to. That's one for one. NATHAN: It was luck, Hales. HALEY: Stats are stats. You said so yourself. NATHAN: Well, I guess neither of us are screw-ups after all. HALEY: I guess not. You picked up Jamie from Chuck's house, right? NATHAN: I thought you did. HALEY: Ohh. NATHAN: Screw-ups. HALEY: Screw-ups. End of the episode.

As the wedding approaches, Brooke tries to connect with Sylvia, while Julian looks for his best man at a guys' poker night. Meanwhile, Nathan struggles in his new job, while Haley stumbles on finding Erin, and Skills returns to town with a new friend as Lucas' Mannequin. This episode is named after a song by Frank Sinatra . Opening theme song performed by Lucas Field.

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Skyline: Doppler Waves radiate from the tip of the Space Needle as if from a radio antenna. ACT ONE WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD BMW OWNERS Scene One - Bus - Night As the bus pulls over, it makes a heavy splash. The door opens, and Frasier and Roz step on. Frasier is soaking wet. Roz: Rule number one: always stand in back of the curb until the bus has come to a complete stop. Now take your money and put it right in here. Frasier: Yes, thank you, Roz, but I am not completely lacking in street smarts. [to the driver] Good day, busman. The northwest corner of Highland and 1st, please. Driver: That's not a stop. Frasier: I know. [takes out a dollar bill] Perhaps if I just shove a little encouragement into this box- Roz: Come on! She shoves him back into the passenger area, which is packed. Roz: Keep your eyes peeled for a seat, and hold on to a pole. Frasier: Doesn't look very clean, Roz. Roz: [looks down] Well, would you rather wind up on the floor? Frasier: [looks down] Dear God! As the last passengers board the bus, an attractive blond woman (Miranda) gets on and sits next to a brunette woman (Francine). Frasier is immediately captivated. Miranda: [British accent] Francine! Francine: Miranda! Oh, long time. How are things at the Colonnade? Miranda: Oh, just for you, a mess. Things have gotten so crazy there, they put me in charge. Francine: Oh, that's great! You deserve it. Miranda: Oh, thank you. How are you doing? Roz: [whispering] Which one are you staring at? Frasier: I'm not staring. That would be rude. Roz: Which one? Frasier: Blonde. Roz: Why don't you go over and talk to her? Frasier: Oh please, Roz, come on, the woman's a perfect stranger. Roz: Stranger? You know her name, you know she has a job, you know she's attractive. It's like an A&E; biography compared to what I used to know going in. Frasier considers doing it, then checks his clothes. Frasier: Gosh, look at me - soaked through, hair's a mess. Roz: Believe me, you could look a lot worse. She gestures to the roof. Frasier looks and sees an ad for his show, with an eye-patch and goatee inked over his portrait. Frasier: After I specifically told people on the air not to do that! Roz: Look, why don't you go over and talk to her? It's not like you'll ever see her again if she shoots you down. Frasier: Perhaps you're right. What harm could it do? [looks at her again] My goodness - who would have thought that such a rare butterfly could exist in this tin cocoon? Roz: Hey, for your information, plenty of refined, sophisticated women ride the bus every... Open your eyes, nimrod, that was my stop! The bus stops, and Francine rises from her seat. Roz: [as she's leaving] Good luck. She gets off. Frasier quickly sits down beside Miranda - cutting off a pregnant woman just getting on. Miranda: Oh please, take mine. She gets up and steps to the back of the bus. Frasier: [gets up] Oh, uh, you'd better take mine, too. That way you can spread out. Well, not that you need to spread out, actually, uh, well, right... it's my first time on a bus. The woman sits down. Miranda goes to the rear door. Frasier: Excuse me, Miss? Uh, Miranda! He slips on the mess on the floor and goes down. Miranda turns at the sound of her name, but sees nothing, and gets off the bus. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Apartment Martin is in his Armchair, on the phone. Martin: Well Duke, how's the weather in Florida? Eighty-two! Oh, I sure envy you. Yes, none of the rain here. Yeah, Channel Four said it should clear up tomorrow, but the Channel Five guy said probably not till the weekend. The doorbell rings. Daphne goes to answer it. Martin: Yeah, then there's the Weather Channel. Early-morning guy said it'll probably break by Saturday, but then the mid- morning guy... what do you mean, you got to go? Shuffleboard? Oh come on, Duke, get a life! Daphne opens the door to Niles. Daphne: Hey, Niles! I thought you were working. Niles: Well, the patient cancelled, so I thought I'd drop by and see you. [breathless] Oh my God, you have no idea how good it feels to say that! I'm here to see you! No more flimsy pretenses. No more making tedious small talk with Dad. Martin: Hey Niles, it's eighty-two in Florida! Niles: Here to see Daphne, Dad! Daphne: Well, I'd better check on the roast in the oven. It's three- seventy-five in there! She goes to the kitchen. Martin: All right, no more weather talk. Probably just getting a little stir-crazy from being cooped up for two weeks. But won't be too much longer. It'll all end with the meteor shower on Saturday, if you can believe those Channel Seven Doppler guys. Ooh, I wonder what they're up to. He grabs the remote and flips on the TV. Daphne comes back out. Daphne: You know that meteor shower we had a few years ago? Niles: Oh please, don't remind me. I was over here having dinner with Maris. I will never forget that night. Daphne: Neither will I. I've never seen a person cut a caper in half. Niles: No, no, I was out on the terrace witnessing this incredible display, and I was absolutely miserable. Now I know it's because I would much rather have been sharing that moment with you. Daphne: Well, I'm here now. Why don't we watch it together this Saturday? Niles: Oh Daphne, that's a wonderful idea! We'll-we'll recreate the entire moment, right there on the terrace, right down to the last detail. Except we'll be together. And instead of serving the '92 Dom Perignon, we'll serve the '90, and we'll right two horrible wrongs! Frasier comes in, even wetter than before. He angrily shakes out the skeletal ruin of his umbrella, then drops it in the wastebasket. Martin: Wow. Frasier, what happened? Frasier: What happened? I went six months without replacing my pollen filter in my car, so it was in the shop. Couldn't get a cab, so I took the bus home. Which splashed me! And I fell down, missed my stop, and had to walk home ten blocks in this downpour! Niles: You went six months without changing your pollen filter?! Daphne: Looks like you could use a spot of tea. Frasier: Desperately! Daphne: What'll it be, then? I've got Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Chamomile, Orange Pekoe, Oolong, Lapsang Sou- Frasier: Oh, for God's sake, just throw a bag in some hot water! [pause] Earl Grey. Daphne goes to the kitchen. Martin: Hey Fras, I know it's not your thing, but Duke sent me a couple of tickets for tomorrow's Sonics game. You want to go? Frasier: I've got plans. Martin: What plans? Frasier: Just plans. Martin: Well, if you don't want to go, just tell me. Frasier: I don't want to go. Martin: Would it kill you to spend one night with me?! Frasier: For God's sake, I spend every night with you! God knows, I have done my best to keep you entertained, but in the seven years since you've landed at my doorstep, have you ever known me once to show any interest in basketball?! Martin angrily gets up. Niles: You know I'd go, Dad, but I have the quilt show. Martin: Please Niles, I feel bad enough already. He goes to the kitchen. Frasier: Care for a sherry, Niles? Niles: Thank you. [Frasier pours two] Little rough on Dad, weren't you? Frasier: Oh, I suppose so. It's just been a rotten day. You don't even know the topper - there was an enchanting young woman on the bus. Just when I'd worked up enough nerve to go and talk to her, I slipped on something that I can only hope was an old burrito! Before I could manage to get up, she was gone. Niles: Well, I suppose it just wasn't meant to be. Frasier: Wait a minute. You know, I did happen to overhear her name, and where she works. Niles: Well then, what are you waiting for? Seize the day! You think I got together with Daphne by just sitting around? Take a chapter from my book. Frasier: Exactly what chapter would that be? Niles: [admitting] The last chapter. Frasier: Yes. Suppose I did go and talk with her? What would I say? "I spied on you on the bus, and I've managed to hunt you down here where you work, would you care to have dinner sometime?" I might as well just lop off my ear and mail it to her. Niles: No, just pretend you're there on business. Where does she work? Frasier: It's a retirement home. Niles: Oh... oh, well, uh, tell her you're there looking for someplace for Dad. In fact, bring him along for cover. Frasier: No, no, you know how he hates those places. He'd never agree to it. Niles: Well, he doesn't need to. Just take him to the game tomorrow, and make an unannounced stop on the way. Frasier: So you're suggesting that I-I go crawling back to Dad, beg him to let me take him to the basketball game, use him to meet a pretty girl, and sit through a sport I loathe. Niles: All right, I see your point. Frasier: No, I'm just trying to get the sequence right. [heads to the kitchen] Oh, Dad! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - The Colonnade The foyer of the retirement home. Frasier leads Martin through the door. Martin: You could have told me we were stopping here when we left for the game. Frasier: If you'd known that, you never would have agreed to come. Martin: Well, you didn't have to trick me. I mean, I would never do anything like that to you. Frasier: It seems someone is forgetting sending Niles and me off to Boy Scout Camp to earn our "Opera Badges!" Miranda comes in. Frasier: Oh, there she is! All right, now listen, remember, you're interested in living here. Martin: All right, but I don't want to be late for the game. Frasier: Excuse me, uh, I'm Frasier Crane, this is my father Martin. Miranda: Hello. Frasier: We're interested in finding out a bit more about the Colonnade. Is there someone we could talk to? Miranda: Oh well, I'm the director here, Miranda Rogers. Um, why don't I get you a couple of brochures, and if you like what you see, you can fill out an application. Martin: Application? Miranda: It only takes about twenty minutes. Martin: Twenty minutes? Frasier: Yes, Dad, application, twenty minutes. [to Miranda] He likes to repeat things, it's a soothing mechanism. [strokes Martin's hair, speaking carefully] Twenty-minutes, twenty-minutes. Miranda: You're very patient with him. I'll be right back. She leaves. Martin: You didn't say I'd have to put anything in writing. You haven't even seen her before, have you? You're trying to put me in here for real! Frasier: No, I'm not! Martin: Well, you said you met her on the bus, I knew that story was full of holes! Frasier: For God's sake, will you just stop it? No one's going to put you anywhere! Martin: You're damn right they're not, because I'm not filling out any application! So will you hurry up and make your date, and let's get off this ice floe! Miranda comes back. Miranda: You know, I'm starting a tour in a few minutes, it'd be a good way to get your questions answered. Frasier: Oh, that's a splendid idea. Martin: A tour? Frasier: Yes, Dad, a tour. [strokes his hair again] A-tour. Now come along. Martin gives him a very hooded look. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Four - The Colonnade - Later Miranda leads the tour group back into the foyer, the Cranes bringing up the rear. Miranda: As you can see, we're a full service facility... Martin: Will you hurry up and ask her? If we move any slower in this place they're gonna start harvesting our organs! Frasier: All right! It's kind of difficult with all these people around. Martin: Well, the game's already started. Two minutes, and I'm calling a cab. Frasier: All right, all right. He heads to the front of the group. An elderly resident (Lee) notices Martin. Lee: Hey, I know you. McGinty's, right? Martin: Yeah, Marty Crane. Lee: Yeah, Lee Zeppowitz. Martin: Hi, Lee. Lee: Hey, we could really use a fourth for poker, if you're moving in. Martin: Oh jeez, no, I'm sorry. I'm just here to do a favor for my son. We're on our way over to the ballgame. Lee: Uh-huh. They told me I was going to the Space Needle. He leaves. Martin gets a suspicious look on his face. Frasier has managed to get Miranda alone. Frasier: Thanks for the tour. Miranda: Oh, you're welcome. If you have any more questions, don't hesitate to ask. Frasier: Well actually, you know, I do have, uh, one more question, um... do you think it'd be possible to have dinner sometime? Miranda: Oh, sure. Um, come by with your father around five tomorrow and I'll set you up at the cafeteria. I should warn you tomorrow's steak night, so be prepared to throw a few elbows! [laughs] And you just asked me out on a date, didn't you? Frasier: Yes, but that was before I knew it was steak night. Miranda: Sure, why not? Um, how about this weekend? Frasier: Well, that's-that's great. Uh, I'll-I'll call you. Miranda: Okay. Um, you know, I-I don't normally date people I've just met, but you seem like such a nice person. I can tell by the way you are with your father. Frasier: Yes, well, we're very close. He heads out the door, mission accomplished. Miranda notices Martin is still waiting at the desk. Frasier rushes back in. Frasier: All right, Dad, I checked and the rain's letting up a bit. They leave. END OF ACT ONE [SCENE_BREAK] ACT TWO Scene Five - Apartment - Night The apartment is made up in date mode. The doorbell rings. Frasier comes out in his best suit, picks up the remote control for the stereo, and turns on some soft music. Swaying to the tune, he opens the door - to Niles, carrying a champagne bottle. Frasier: Niles! What are you doing here? Niles: Daphne and I are watching the meteor shower on the terrace. Frasier: No, you're not, I have a date! [turns off the stereo] Niles: That's tonight?! Frasier: Yes. Niles: Well-well-well, what are we gonna do? Frasier: I don't know. Uh, go to the roof. Niles: We can't do that, we're having a recreation! Daphne comes out of the kitchen, wearing a nice dress with a shawl over her shoulders, carrying a picnic basket. Niles: Oh, you'll never believe this. Frasier wants to send us to the roof! Daphne: What a romantic idea. Niles: [grins to cover] Isn't it? The doorbell rings again. Frasier: Yes, yes, it's very romantic, now get your crap and go! Coming, coming! He hustles them to the door. Niles: Where'd you put Dad, in storage? Frasier: I have no idea where Dad is. All I know is that he's not here, and you are! He opens the door to Miranda. Miranda: Hello. Frasier: Good evening, Miranda. Come in. Uh, I'd like to introduce you to my brother, Niles Crane. Miranda: Hello. Frasier: And this is Daphne Moon- Miranda: Hi. Frasier: His... lady friend. Daphne and Niles both blush. Daphne: Oh, I suppose I am! As they chatter giddily, Frasier shoves them out the door and closes it. Frasier: I'm so sorry, my brother's not very social, really. Uh, here we are. [shows her in] Would you care for some wine? Miranda: Oh, I'd love some, yeah. Oh, you have a beautiful place! Frasier: Thank you. Miranda: [sees the Armchair] Ah, something tells me this must be your father's chair. Frasier: Yes, well, you know, I insisted that he bring it with him when he moved in here. I mean, after all, this is his home too. Miranda: How thoughtful of you. Frasier: Yes. Miranda: Well, I imagine he'll be bringing that with him when he moves in. Frasier: Gosh, Miranda, you know, I've got to be honest with you, uh... as much as I like the Colonnade, I'm not sure Dad's really ready to move in yet. Miranda: Well then, I guess he hasn't told you. Your father filled out an application today. Frasier: Application? My father? Today? Miranda: Sounds like he's moving out just in time, you're picking up that repeating thing. [SCENE_BREAK] BETTER A WINDSHIELD THAN HIS TEETH Scene Six - Elliot Bay Towers Roof Niles and Daphne are sitting on a blanket on the roof with their picnic basket. Niles: You know, I've been giving a lot of thought to this idea of a pet name for you. Daphne: [hopeful] And you've decided to give it up? Niles: No, I don't give up that easily... "Woggles." Daphne laughs. Niles: I was kidding. You're not really a "Woggles." You're more of a "Cuddles." No, I was kidding again! Someone stop me! Daphne: [re: basket] Well, what have we got in here, then? Niles: Uh, oh well, we have the finest champagne, and beluga caviar... [lifts out a plate of peanut brittle] oh, and broken bits of pottery. Daphne: That's peanut brittle. I made it myself so we could have something sweet. Try some. Niles: Oh well, I hardly need something sweet with you here. Daphne: Oh, [kisses him] you are such a dear. [no-nonsense] Seriously, try some. Niles puts a small piece in his mouth. From the way he screws up his face, we can see something ghastly's going on in his mouth, but he's trying hard not to show it. Niles: Mmm. Oh... Daphne: Is it good? Niles: Oh, it's like little shards of heaven. A gust of wind lifts the blanket and blows away their plates. Daphne: Oh dear! The wind's picked up. Niles: Oh dear! I hope nothing else blows away! She goes to retrieve the plates. While her back's turned, he cocks his arm and flings the peanut brittle off the roof. She turns back. Daphne: What happened to the peanut brittle? Niles: It blew away! On the street below, a car alarm goes off. Niles: Oh, I'll run and get some books to hold this cloth down. He goes through the open stairway door. Daphne takes the cinder block holding the door open and puts it on the blanket. CUT TO: inside the Stairwell The door slams shut, trapping Niles. Niles: What happened? Daphne: [from behind the door] I moved the block to hold down the blanket and [tries the door] now the door seems to be stuck. Niles: [tries it himself, no luck] All right, uh, Daphne, you sit tight, I'll run and get the super, he'll have it open in a minute. Daphne: All right. Niles steps down the stairs and pushes the door at the bottom. It doesn't budge. He tries it again, with a tinge of panic. Niles: Daphne, where's the key to the stairway door? Daphne: Oh, I've got it. I'll slide it under. Niles: Oh, all right. No problem, take your time, no need to panic. Daphne: Oh, dear. There is no under. It's sealed tight. Niles: Sealed? All right, now Daphne, [breathing faster] try and remain calm. Daphne: Well, we'll just have to wait for the night watchman. He checks all these doors when he does his rounds in a few hours. Niles: [hyperventilating] For the last time, Daphne, I told you not to panic, and so you don't make me say it again, I have to conserve oxygen! He closes one nostril with his finger, breathing only through the other one. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Seven - The Colonnade Martin is playing seven-card stud in the foyer with Lee and two other residents. Frasier comes in. Lee: Hey look, Marty, there's your son. Martin: Yeah, nice try, like I'd take my eyes off you while you're dealing. Frasier: Dad, can I have a word with you for a second? Martin: Oh, Fras! Yeah, all right. Uh, keep going, guys, I'm in. He gets up and goes to Frasier. Martin: What happened to your date? Frasier: Oh well, suffice it to say it didn't go so well. Spent the whole time worried about you. Listen, I-I came down to apologize. I've been selfish, and I've neglected you, and I'm sorry. Martin: Oh well, apology accepted, son. We've both been a little cranky, it's probably just the rain. Frasier: No, Dad, listen, listen, I want us to go to games together, I really do. And I want us to see movies, and go drinking at McGinty's- Martin: Well, that's great, son. Frasier: No, Dad, Dad, I'm trying to say something here. I'm not ready for you to leave. Martin is amazed. Frasier: I-I don't want you to move in here. I miss you too much. Please, Dad, come home. He hugs Martin. Martin: Well, what the hell are you talking about? I'm not moving in here. Frasier: But Miranda told me you filled out an application, that you told her you'd found a new home. Martin: [lowers voice] Well, I had to. It's the only way to stay in the game, it's for residents only. Frasier: This was just a-a ruse so you could continue playing poker? Martin: Well, it's not just poker, it's poker with the three worst players I've ever seen! Lee: Hey Marty, you in? Sid's got a pair of tens showing. Martin: Look at me, Sid! Sid tries to look Martin in the eye, but can't. Martin: Raise you twenty. [to Frasier] You dream about getting in games like this all your life, but you never think it's gonna happen! Frasier: Dad, Dad, please, I can't let you go on taking advantage of these people! Martin: Well, I'm not taking advantage of them, I'm-I'm giving them an education! Consider it, uh, an expensive seminar. Frasier: Seminar, my eye! Now you're gonna give every cent of that money back to those men! Martin: [sighs] All right. I'll let them win it back. Lee: Come on, Marty, you in? Martin: [sits down] All right, yeah, I'm in. Let's see - oh, Lee's got a pair of aces, whoa! And three tens here! What have I got? Four, five, seven... ah well, I'll just bet it all. He puts all his winnings in the middle. Lee: Too rich for my blood. All three of them fold. Frasier: I'll leave the light on for you, Dad. Frasier leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Eight - Elliot Bay Towers Roof Daphne is sitting against the door, with the blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Daphne: How are you holding up? Is that spider still around? CUT TO: Stairwell Niles is huddled into a ball next to the door. Niles: Oh, I think he's realized he's more afraid of me than I am of him... [looks up] He's not in his corner! He's not in his corner! Oh, there it is, found him. CUT TO: Roof Daphne eats a cracker with caviar. Niles: Oh Daphne, you must be starving. Please, please, don't wait for me, you go ahead and eat. Daphne: [tries to sound empty-mouthed] You sure? [looks up] Oh, I just saw one! Niles: A spider?! Daphne: No, a meteor! Oh, it's beautiful! It just appeared out of nowhere! CUT TO: Stairwell Niles: That's it, that's it! I missed it the last time, I'm not gonna let it happen again! Daphne, stand back, this door is coming down! He charges up the stairs and rams his shoulder into the door - nothing, except pain. CUT TO: Roof Daphne stands away from the door. She didn't even hear him hit. Daphne: Okay, I'm ready! Oh, I just saw another one! Oh, it's breathtaking! It just streaked from one end of the sky to the other! Oh Niles, I wish you could see this. Niles: Oh, so do I, my love. Daphne: What did you just call me? Niles: Oh well, it was kind of a place-filler. I didn't have time to think of a good one. Daphne: No, I-I like it... "My love." It's nice. Pause. Daphne: Oh, I just saw another one! Niles: What's it look like? Daphne: It's got a long, glittering tail. It reminds me of the time my father drove home from the pub with a trashcan stuck underneath his car. Sparks were flying everywhere! Did I ever tell you that story? Niles: No, you never did... my love. Daphne: Well, my father stopped in at the pub on his way home from work... CUT TO: Stairwell Niles rests his head against the door and smiles. He has everything he needs. END OF ACT TWO [SCENE_BREAK] Roof: The night watchman opens the door. Niles comes up and hugs Daphne with relief. They both thank the night watchman. As they hug again, he goes back down the stairs, letting the door swing shut. Daphne and Niles go to follow him. Niles tries the door, with no result. He smiles at her, tugging a bit harder. Before long they are both pounding on it, yelling down.

Frasier spies an attractive woman while traveling on a bus in the rain. He gathers that her name is Miranda, and she works at a retirement home called The Colonnade. He visits the home under the pretext of considering putting Martin in there. He later learns that his father has filled in the application. Niles and Daphne have planned a romantic dinner together, hoping to watch a meteor shower. Frasier moves them onto the roof of Elliott Bay Towers, so that he and Miranda can have some privacy. In the course of the evening, the door onto the roof closes, separating Niles and Daphne until the night watchman arrives.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_21x13

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_21x13_0

PLANET OF FIRE BY: PETER GRIMWADE Part One Running time: 24:26 [SCENE_BREAK] AMYAND: Come on, Roskal. ROSKAL: It's no good, I can't make it. AMYAND: Give me your hand. ROSKAL: No. Amyand, I'm afraid. AMYAND: So am I. We've come this far. We can't turn back now. Come on, just a short climb then we can see into the heart of the mountain. The others are depending on us. [SCENE_BREAK] TIMANOV: Since my father's time, unbelievers have been sent to the flames. MALKON: That was barbaric. TIMANOV: Yes, a little overzealous, perhaps. In those days, people didn't tolerate dissenters as they do now. MALKON: But the unbelievers are harmless. TIMANOV: Yes, but it's still a wise precaution to send the occasional free-thinker to the flames. Encourages faith in our traditions. MALKON: I could never order a burning. TIMANOV: When the time comes, you will be given the strength. It can be a rewarding experience for those consumed in the flames. Unbelievers are such, such unhappy souls. MALKON: Is it not sometimes good to doubt, Timanov? TIMANOV: Malkon, for our people to survive we must have faith, and never more so than at this moment. Logar is testing us. We must not seem to be wanting. [SCENE_BREAK] ROSKAL: I can't breathe. My feet are burning. AMYAND: Timanov says Logar is benevolent. Perhaps he's waiting with a cool drink and new shoes. ROSKAL: How can you joke? AMYAND: Keep going. It's now or never, Roskal. AMYAND: There's nothing there! ROSKAL: Not even a machine. AMYAND: Logar's a myth. [SCENE_BREAK] CURT: Be careful. Do you wish to achieve what the sea could not? These items are fragile. CURT: Howard? FOSTER: Sure isn't Greek. CURT: Neither is it Roman. FOSTER: You're right. The metal's modern. Must be some kind of alloy. Do you recognise the logo? CURT: No. FOSTER: I'll get one of the crew to take it to the police. CURT: Yes, but first we must get the statue safely ashore. I won't be happy until it's safely in the workshop at the museum. [SCENE_BREAK] TIMANOV: Only Logar could create a place of such beauty. MALKON: Then why is he now trying to destroy the planet? TIMANOV: The ways of the gods are complex. Why with his own hands did he build such a place? You're his Chosen One. MALKON: I don't know. TIMANOV: Same with the Day of Fire. But why does he test us in this way? MALKON: I only wish I had your faith. TIMANOV: Accept. Accept what you see and hear and feel all around you, and the faith will come. MALKON: Perhaps. But I don't think I will ever understand why this makes me special. TIMANOV: The sign of Logar. You are the Chosen One. The people of Sarn expect your leadership. MALKON: But why? Why the importance of this mark? TIMANOV: Tradition! You were found on the slopes of the volcano. But you know all this. How many times must I tell you? MALKON: I know only that I am confused. What of the memories and strange dreams that I have? TIMANOV: I keep forgetting how very young you still are. Come, we must hurry. One day, it'll all be clear to you. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Daleks. I sometimes think those mutated misfits will terrorise the universe for the rest of time. TURLOUGH: Doctor, you're becoming obsessed. DOCTOR: Yes, obsessed and depressed. TURLOUGH: You miss Tegan? DOCTOR: Well, we were together a long time. DOCTOR: Kamelion! [SCENE_BREAK] KAMELION: Help me! Pain. TURLOUGH: He's connected to the TARDIS databank. DOCTOR: No, no, no. No, we need to stop the spasming. Go and programme an alpha rhythm on the computer. It should calm him. KAMELION: Help me, Doctor. DOCTOR: It's all right, Kamelion. Help's on its way. KAMELION: Point of contact. Point of contact will be made. Contact me. DOCTOR: Contact who? What's happening? [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Doctor, we're picking up a distress signal. Oh, no. [SCENE_BREAK] KAMELION: I apologise for that hysterical display, Doctor. For a moment there was confusion. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: A Trion ship. TURLOUGH: How's Kamelion? DOCTOR: The spasming's stopped and he's fully conscious. I just wish I DOCTOR: What have you done? TURLOUGH: We were picking up some sort of random emission, and I, I thought it might be interfering with Kamelion. DOCTOR: And why have you reset the coordinates? TURLOUGH: I haven't. DOCTOR: Someone has. TURLOUGH: Kamelion's plugged into the computer. He must have computerised the signals we heard. [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: Hi. FOSTER: What are you doing here? I thought you were going sight-seeing with your mother. PERI: No, she's taken up with that Mrs van Geysingham from the hotel, and I'm not spending all afternoon exploring a Cro-Magnon cave with some octogenarian from Miami Beach. Hey, what's this? Looks like Elton John. FOSTER: It's Eros, if you really want to know. PERI: The god of love and fertility. FOSTER: That's right. Beautiful, isn't he? A personification of natural forces in an anthropomorphic deity. In the same pantheon, Hephaestus rules fire, Poseidon the sea and earthquakes. PERI: Howard, do you have to talk at me like it was the Albuquerque Women's League or something? FOSTER: I'm sorry. If you're not interested, then I PERI: I am interested. I just don't like being lectured, that's all. FOSTER: I must get on. I've got a great deal to do. PERI: Sure. CURT: Howard, I've got to go and find out what's happened to the transport. FOSTER: Okay. Look, Peri, I'm really sorry I don't have the time to talk. PERI: It's all right. I only came out to say hello and goodbye. FOSTER: Goodbye? What are you talking about? PERI: This island, Howard. I'm bored out of my mind. FOSTER: How can you be bored, for heaven's sakes? PERI: Look, I've met a couple of really nice English guys and I'm going with them to Morocco. FOSTER: Morocco? But you're due back at college in the fall. PERI: In three months time. FOSTER: But what about your work, your ecology project, your reading schedule? You've got exams coming up. Come on, Peri. No way are you going to north Africa. PERI: I'm not a child. You can't stop me. FOSTER: Okay. So what are you going to use for money? PERI: I've already cashed in my return ticket for New York. I leave for Morocco this afternoon. FOSTER: You what? How do you expect to get home? PERI: I'll get a job. FOSTER: Oh, don't make me laugh. PERI: Oh, stop playing the heavy step-father, Howard. You're not dressed for it. FOSTER: Damn it, Peri. PERI: Please, don't let's argue. I've made up my mind. FOSTER: Okay, have it your own way. PERI: I can go? FOSTER: It's your life. PERI: You mean it? I knew you'd understand. FOSTER: There's just one thing. Reclaim your ticket to New York. I'm not having you stranded in Morocco. Your mother'd never forgive me. PERI: But I FOSTER: Don't say it. I'll advance you the money and you can pay me back out of your allowance. PERI: That's great. You're marvellous. FOSTER: I know. My money's on the boat. Once they've unloaded the dinghy, we'll go out there. PERI: Thanks, Howard. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Kamelion denies hearing any transmission. Did you get a precise fix on the signal? TURLOUGH: It stopped. There wasn't time. DOCTOR: Oh. Well, if it transmits again we'll get a fix on it with this. [SCENE_BREAK] FOSTER: Okay? PERI: Yeah. FOSTER: I'm a fool. PERI: What's the matter? FOSTER: I've left my wallet in the hotel. PERI: I'll cable my address from Morocco. You could send the money to me there. FOSTER: Sure, of course. PERI: What's this? FOSTER: I don't know. PERI: It's never platinum. FOSTER: It could be anything. PERI: Hmm. How intriguing. PERI: Oh, will it be long? I'd hate to miss my flight. FOSTER: Don't worry.[/i] FOSTER: Vamos. Sorry, Peri. You'll have to wait for the next trip. PERI: Howard! FOSTER: I'll send over another dinghy. Keep an eye on the ship, will you? PERI: Get one of the crew to stay behind! I have to be at the airport in an hour! FOSTER: Sorry, honey. PERI: You're doing this deliberately! FOSTER: As if I would. PERI: I will not be treated like this! FOSTER: Morocco's not going anywhere at the moment. You've got your whole life to see it. PERI: Of all the low-down, cheap, rotten, sneaky. You won't get away with it, Howard! You hear me? [SCENE_BREAK] MALKON: Citizens of Sarn, you have all seen the smoke from the fire mountain and felt the quaking ground. These signs tell us it is the Time of Fire. Logar, lord of fire, is testing our faith. SORASTA: Testing our common sense, you mean. MALKON: The old men will tell you that soon Logar will send a sea of fire from the heart of the mountain. SORASTA: Then we must all leave this place. MALKON: We must do nothing! SORASTA: Nothing? TIMANOV: If we have faith in Logar and are not found wanting, we will survive and prosper. And as a reward, the Outsider will come. There will be food and gifts we have forgotten existed. AMYAND: No! It's a lie. Logar's a myth. TIMANOV: Heretic. Unbeliever. AMYAND: We have climbed the mountain. TIMANOV: It is death to trespass on the mountain of fire. AMYAND: We've climbed the mountain and we're still alive. Logar doesn't exist. [SCENE_BREAK] CURT: These ropes aren't tight enough. Must I do everything myself? CURT: And what do you want? DOCTOR: A kouros, late Classical period. It's really rather fine. I'd hazard a guess by a pupil of Praxiteles. TURLOUGH: Doctor, you're showing off. CURT: I'm inclined to agree. FOSTER: But a remarkably well-informed guess, sir. DOCTOR: Hmm. It's a pity about the erosion, but the overall effect is not unattractive, like the marine Venus on Rhodes. Has this just been brought up from the seabed? FOSTER: Earlier today. It's proving to be a very interesting wreck out in the bay. A real mixed bag, just like your English Mary Rose. DOCTOR: Indeed. But more of a mixed bag than you realise. CURT: And what does that mean? DOCTOR: Er, nothing. FOSTER: Oh, come on, Curt. No one's going to take your wreck away from you. Nice talking to you. DOCTOR: Goodbye. TURLOUGH: Do you think the divers disturbed something? DOCTOR: Without a doubt. We'll need two readings to pinpoint the spot exactly. TURLOUGH: You take one from here. It's quicker if I go back to the TARDIS. DOCTOR: Yes, hurry. I don't know how long there'll be before the next emission. [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: Could be platinum. [SCENE_BREAK] KAMELION: Do not interfere. TARDIS will be taken to point of contact. I must obey. Find point of contact. TURLOUGH: You're not taking the TARDIS anywhere, and you're not listening to any more messages from Trion. You're finished, Kamelion! TURLOUGH: Earthlings. [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: Help! [SCENE_BREAK] SORASTA: This is your last chance, Timanov. If there's no sign, it's you who'll burn on the sacrificial altar. TIMANOV: Logar! A sign! TIMANOV: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: I think I'm going to die. TURLOUGH: No, you're not. TURLOUGH: Where did you find this? PERI: Howard was such a pig. I needed the money. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Doctor DOCTOR: The point of emission moved. It's odd. It's very odd indeed. You're soaking wet. DOCTOR: A data core. Where did you find this? TURLOUGH: On the shore. DOCTOR: Hmm. Must be what was sending the signal. Now, with a little help from the TARDIS computer, we may find out exactly why Kamelion set the coordinates to come here. [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: I'm sorry, Howard. I didn't mean it. No, Howard. Please don't leave me alone. Don't, don't turn out the light. PERI: Howard! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Another moment and we'll know where the cylinder came from. DOCTOR: Well, that shouldn't have happened. Ow! DOCTOR: Did you do that? TURLOUGH: No. DOCTOR: The TARDIS has dematerialised. K-FOSTER: Doctor, we meet again. This has to be the most amazing machine I've seen in my life. DOCTOR: How did you get in here? K-FOSTER: I saw your young friend here save Peri. DOCTOR: Peri? TURLOUGH: The girl. DOCTOR: What girl? TURLOUGH: I was going to explain. PERI: What's happening? TURLOUGH: That girl, Doctor. K-FOSTER: How are you feeling, honey? PERI: Howard? Am I still dreaming or will someone please tell me where I am? [SCENE_BREAK] TIMANOV: I called to Logar and the fire lord has answered. TIMANOV: I called to the spirit of the mountain and was answered. The spirit of the mountain demands sacrifice. To the burning with all unbelievers. AMYAND: Coincidence. TIMANOV: Even facing death, you remain blasphemous. [SCENE_BREAK] LOOKOUT: Timanov was right. The Outsider has come. [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: I feel sick. Can I go back to the hotel? FOSTER: Haven't you heard a word the Doctor said? We're no longer on Lanzarote. PERI: Then where are we? DOCTOR: Er, I'm not sure yet, but I promise I'll get you back to Earth just as soon as I can. PERI: What does he mean, back to Earth? DOCTOR: Bleak, isn't it. [SCENE_BREAK] AMYAND: Stop! Only a Chosen One can order a burning. Well, Malkon? TIMANOV: Decide. MALKON: I don't know. TIMANOV: Decide! LOOKOUT: Malkon! He is here, with a sound of great wind, a shining light. The Outsider has come. [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: Do you really think we've left Earth? K-FOSTER: The TARDIS is mine. PERI: Sorry? K-FOSTER: The TARDIS is mine. PERI: What are you doing, Howard? Don't touch that! K-FOSTER: I have succeeded. Contact has been made. PERI: Who are you? K-MASTER: I am the Master, and you will obey me.

The Tardis receives a distress signal and at the same time Kamelion seems to be having problems while linked into the Tardis. Following the distress signal the Doctor arrives on Lanzarote and Turlough rescues Peri. Turlough seems to know where the distress signal is coming from.

fd_Teen_Wolf_01x12

fd_Teen_Wolf_01x12_0

1x12 Code Breaker Chris: Move! Stiles: No - I'm not just letting you leave her here. Peter: You don't have a choice, Stiles. You're coming with me. Stiles: Just kill me. Look, I don't care anymore. Peter: Call your friend. Tell Jackson where she is. That's all you get. Chris: It's all right. Allison: No. Chris: You're okay. You're okay, baby. Jackson: Come on, Lydia. Stay with me. Come on. Help me! Somebody help! Help me! Get help, please! Peter: Don't feel bad. If she lives, she'll become a werewolf. She'll be incredibly powerful. Stiles: Yeah, and once a month, she'll go out of her freaking mind and try to tear me apart. Peter: Well, actually, considering that she's a woman - twice a month. Kate: Feeling better? Chris: Don't push me, Kate! Kate: I thought it was a pretty healthy display of aggression, actually. Chris: You told her. Kate: She found out. Chris: Don't think I don't know about the clues that you've been leaving, starting with that necklace. She knows because you wanted her to. Kate: Because she needs to. Chris: Why are you back here? You hate this town. I had a network of names I could've called a lot closer than you. But you called first. Kate: So now you don't want my help? Chris: I'm not sure I know who you're helping. Kate: Oh, come on. I'm here to catch the Alpha. Remember the one running around here, killing people at random? Chris: Not random. Kate: What? Chris: Tyhurst said that Sheriff Stilinski can connect every murder back to the Hale fire. Kate: Well, then that's even more reason for her to know, 'cause they've always blamed us for that fire. It had to have been Derek and some other relative. But I guarantee they're circling around to us as their last targets. Chris: I know. It's why you're taking Allison out of here tonight. You're gonna drive her to the house in Washington, and you will stay there until I call. Kate: Are you kidding me? You're gonna bench your star player in the last quarter? Chris: Get your things. I want the two of you on the road within the hour. Victoria: I'm not sure how long you'll be. You want me to pick out anything specific? Sweetheart? Allison: I just saw my boyfriend turn into a werewolf. Victoria: All right. I'll grab some things myself. Allison: Who was that? Was that Scott? Victoria: No. Somebody named Jackson. Allison: What are you gonna do to him? Victoria: That depends. We have a sort of moral code we follow. Especially when they're that young. Allison: Scott didn't kill anybody. He couldn't - Victoria: This is all part of a longer conversation. Allison: I wanna know now. Right now. Victoria: What you want right now doesn't matter. What you need is to stay quiet. You're catching a glimpse of something you are not quite ready to see, and there are others outside of this family who are not ready for you to see it. Staying quiet is the best protection. Do you understand? Say it! Allison: I understand. Victoria: That's my girl. Now grab a few warm coats. It'll probably be cold up there. Kate: You know you can't do this without me. You're not gonna find him on your own. Chris: We're gonna talk about everything, I promise. Call me when you get there. Victoria: Is she right? Can you find the Alpha? Chris: No. But Scott McCall can. And I know how to find him. Stiles: Whose car is this? Peter: It belonged to my nurse. Stiles: What happened to your n - Oh, my God! Peter: I got better. VO Melissa: You need to tell her how you feel. Tell her anything and everything you want. VO Scott: Everything? VO Allison: Why did you do that? VO Scott: Because I love you. Stiles: Good luck getting a signal down here. Oh, MiFi. And you're a Mac guy. Does that go for all werewolves, or just a personal preference? Peter: Turn it on. Get connected. Stiles: You know, you're really killing the whole werewolf mystique thing here. Look, you still need Scott's username and password, and I'm sorry, but I don't know them. Peter: You know both of them. Stiles: No, I don't. Peter: Even if I couldn't hear your heartbeat, I would still be able to tell that you're lying. Stiles: Dude, I swear to God - Peter: I can be very persuasive, Stiles. Don't make me persuade you. Jackson: Where is she? Sheriff: Hey. Hey! What the hell happened to that girl? Jackson: I - I don't know. I went out looking for her - Sheriff: What, you just happened to wander into the middle of that field and you just found her there like that? Don't lie to me, son. Jackson: No, I - Sheriff: Hey! What happened to her? Jackson: This isn't my fault! Sheriff: She's your girlfriend! That's your responsibility! Jackson: No, she's not, okay? She didn't go to the formal with me. Sheriff: Then who'd she go with? Jackson: Do you really wanna know? She went with Stiles. Sheriff: What? Jackson: Stiles took her. Sheriff: Somebody better find my son. Stiles: What happens after you find Derek? Peter: Don't think, Stiles. Type. Stiles: You're gonna kill people, aren't you? Peter: Only the responsible ones. Stiles: Look, if I do this, you have to promise to leave Scott out of it. Peter: Do you know why wolves hunt in packs? It's because their favorite prey are too large to be brought down by one wolf alone. I need Derek and Scott. I need both of them. Stiles: He's not gonna help you. Peter: Oh, he will. Because it'll save Allison. And you will, because it will save Scott. Your best friend whom you know so well, you even have his username and password. His username is "Allison"? His password is also "Allison"? Stiles: Still want him in your pack? Stiles: Wait, what the - That's where they're keeping him? At his own house? Peter: Not at it. Under it. I know exactly where that is. And I'm not the only one. Kate: You getting it now? It's what they do, and they can't help it. Allison: All of them? Kate: Yes, Allison. Even Scott. Peter: Give me your keys. Stiles: Careful. She grinds in second. So you're not gonna kill me? Oh God. Peter: Don't you understand yet? I'm not the bad guy here. Stiles: You turn into a giant monster with red eyes and fangs, and you're not the bad guy here? Peter: I like you, Stiles. Since you've helped me, I'm going to give you something in return. Do you want the bite? Stiles: What? Peter: Do you want the bite? If it doesn't kill you - and it could - you'll become like us. Stiles: Like you. Peter: Yes, a werewolf. Would you like me to draw you a picture? That first night in the woods, I took Scott because I needed a new pack. It could've easily been you. You'd be every bit as powerful as him. No more standing by his side, watching him become stronger, and quicker, more popular, watching him get the girl. You'd be equals. Maybe more. Yes or no? Stiles: I don't wanna be like you. Peter: Do you know what I heard just then? Your heart beating slightly faster over the words "I don't want." You may believe that you're telling me the truth, but you are lying to yourself. Goodbye, Stiles. Sheriff: You know what? It's good that we're in a hospital, because I'm gonna kill you. Stiles: I'm - I'm sorry. I lost the keys to my jeep. I had to run all the way here. Sheriff: Stiles, I don't care! Stiles: Is she gonna be okay? Sheriff: They don't know, partially because they don't know what happened. She lost a lot of blood, but there's something else going on with her. Stiles: What do you mean? Sheriff: The doctors say it's like she's having an allergic reaction. Her body keeps going into shock. Did you see anything? I mean, do you have any idea who or what attacked her? Stiles: No. No, I have no idea. Sheriff: What about Scott? Stiles: What do you mean? What about him? Sheriff: Did he see anything? Stiles: What do you - is he not here? Sheriff: What are you talking about? I've been calling him on his cell phone. I've gotten no response. Stiles: Yeah, you're not gonna get one. Torturer: Ready to have some more fun? To be honest, my knuckles are kind of hurting. So I brought some help. But I need to warn ya. I used to play in college. Scott: I brought a little help too. Sheriff: Stiles. Listen, just go wait with your friends, all right? Stiles: Dad, tell me. Look, you know it has something to do with Derek. Sheriff: What? But I thought you two said you barely knew him. Stiles: All right, we might know him a little better than that. Sheriff: You do realize that I'm elected to this job, right? Stiles: And if I help you figure this out, you'll be re - elected. Am I right? Dad, come on. Sheriff: You know what? That girl in there has got nothing to do with a six - year - old arson case. Stiles: When did you decide it was definitely arson? Sheriff: When we got a key witness. And, no, I'm not telling you who it is, but yeah, yeah, we know it's arson. And it was probably organized by a young woman. Stiles: What young woman? Sheriff: If I knew that, she'd be in jail. Stiles: Was she young then, or is she young now? Sheriff: She's probably in her late 20s. Oh, I gotta grab this call. Stiles: You don't know her name? Sheriff: No, I don't - What is this? 20 questions? All we know is that she had a very distinctive - What do you call it - a pendant. Stiles: What the hell's a pendant? Sheriff: Stiles, do you go to school? A pendant! A pendant! It's a necklace. Now, can I answer the phone? Stiles: Yes. Sheriff: Thank you. Stilinski. Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Derek: Scott, help me with this. Scott: No. Derek: What? Scott: Not until you tell me how to stop Peter. Derek: You really wanna talk about this right now? Scott: He's going after Allison and her family. He's going to kill them. Derek: So what? Scott: So tell me how to stop him. Derek: You can't! All right? Now - I don't know when Kate's coming back, so just get me out of this right now! Get me out right now! Scott: Promise you'll help me. Derek: You want me to risk my life for your girlfriend? For your stupid little teenage crush that means absolutely nothing? You're not in love, Scott. You're 16 years old. You're a child. Scott: Maybe you're right. But I know something you don't. Peter said he didn't know what he was doing when he killed your sister, right? He lied. Remember this? Jackson: Hey, where are you going? Stiles: To find Scott. Jackson: You don't have a car. Stiles: I'm aware of that. Thank you. Jackson: Here, I'll drive. Come on - Stiles: Look, just because you feel guilty all of a sudden doesn't make it okay, all right? Half of this is still your fault. Jackson: Look, I have a car. You don't. Do you want my help or not? Stiles: All right. Did you bring the Porsche? Jackson: Yeah. Stiles: Good. I'll drive. Chris: Boys. I was wondering if you can tell me where Scott McCall is. Stiles: Scott McCall? Uhm, haven't seen him since the dance. Jackson, you? Jackson: I - Stiles: Oh, for the love of God. Chris: Let's try this again. Where is Scott McCall? Scott: This is what brought your sister back to beacon hills, right? Derek: Where did you get that? Scott: My boss told me three months ago someone came into the clinic asking for a copy of this picture. Do you wanna know who it was? Peter's nurse. They brought your sister here so that Peter could kill her and become the Alpha, and that's why you're going to help me. Just say you'll help me, and I'll help you unlock your other - Derek: I'll help you. Chris: Let me ask you a question, Stiles. Have you ever seen a rabid dog? Stiles: No. I could put it on my to - do - list, if you just let me go. Chris: Well, I have. And the only thing I've ever been able to compare it to is seeing a friend of mine turn on a full moon. Do you wanna know what happened? Stiles: Not really. No offense to your storytelling skills. Chris: He tried to kill me, and I was forced to put a bullet in his head. The whole while that he lay there dying, he was still trying to claw his way toward me, still trying to kill me, like it was the most important thing he could do with his last breath. Can you imagine that? Stiles: No. And it sounds like you need to be a little bit more select - Chris: Did Scott try to kill you on the full moon? Did you have to lock him up? Stiles: Yeah, I did. I had to handcuff him to a radiator. Why? Would you prefer I locked him in the basement and burned the whole house down around him? Chris: I hate to dispel a popular rumor, Stiles, but we never did that. Stiles: Oh, right. Derek said you guys had a code. I guess no one ever breaks it. Chris: Never. Stiles: What if someone does? Chris: Someone like who? Stiles: Your sister. Derek: Hey. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Something doesn't feel right. Scott: What do you mean? Derek: I don't know. It's - it's kind of like it's - Scott: No, don't say "too easy." People say "too easy" and bad things happen. What, do you think finding you was easy? Getting away from Allison's dad? None of this has been easy. Derek: Fine. You're right. Scott: Thank you. Kate: Now the leg. Flash bolt. Derek: Scott, your eyes! Kate: Now. Derek: Get up! Let's go! Kate: Natural talent. Derek: Scott, go! Scott: Allison, I can explain. Allison: Stop lying. For once stop lying. Scott: I was gonna tell you the truth at the formal. I was gonna tell you everything. Because everything that I said, everything that I did - Allison: Was to protect me. Scott: Yes. Allison: I don't believe you. Kate: Thank God. Now, shoot him before I have to shoot myself. Allison: You - you said we were just gonna catch them? Kate: We did that. Now we're gonna kill them. See? Not that hard. Oh, no - I know that look. That's the "you're gonna have to do it yourself" look. Allison: Kate, Kate, what are you doing? Kate: I love those brown eyes. Chris: Kate! I know what you did. Put the gun down. Kate: I did what I was told to do. Chris: No one asked you to murder innocent people. There were children in that house, ones who were human. Look what you're doing now. You're holding a gun at a 16 - year - old boy with no proof he spilled human blood. We go by the code - Nous chassons ceux qui nous chassent. Allison: We hunt those who hunt us. Chris: Put the gun down. Before I put you down. Allison, get back. Allison: What is it? Scott: It's the Alpha. Kate: Come on! Come on! Allison: No! Peter: She is beautiful, Kate. She looks like you. Probably not as damaged. So I'm going to give you a chance to save her. Apologize. Say that you're sorry for decimating my family, for leaving me burned and broken for six years. Say it - And I'll let her live. Kate: I'm sorry. Peter: I don't know about you, Allison, but that apology - didn't sound very sincere. Scott: Run! Allison: Dad. Dad. Dad. Jackson: Hey, hey, hey. This isn't exactly an all - terrain vehicle. Stiles: Yeah. Did you pay for it? Jackson: No. Stiles: Then shut up. Stiles: Oh, damn. Scott: Allison! Scott: No! Scott: Why did you do that? Allison: Because I love you. Scott: Wait! You said the cure comes from the one who bit you. Derek. If you do this, I'm dead. Her father, her family - what am I supposed to do? Peter: You've - already - decided. I can smell it on you! Scott: Wait! No, no! Don't! Derek: I'm the Alpha now. Scott: Shut the door. Oh, God. Stiles: What? Stiles: Is it completely healed? Scott: No, not at all. Stiles: I don't get it. The doctor said she'd be fine. Scott: Yeah, but the bite's not healing like it did with me. Which means - She's not a werewolf. Stiles: Then what the hell is she? Jackson: Derek. Derek! I - I helped you. I helped save you. Okay, you got what you wanted. You got what you wanted. Now it's my turn to get what I want. Victoria: They'll be here in two days. Chris: We shouldn't have done it. That stupid necklace. Victoria: The police would've put it together eventually. Don't think for one second she's taking the fall for something she didn't do. Chris: We're gonna be pariahs in this town. Victoria: We can handle it. Chris: And Allison? Victoria: She'll learn. What about Scott? Chris: I'm not the only one he has to worry about now.

Argent decides to send Allison and his sister Kate to Washington. Stiles helps Peter locate Derek. Meanwhile, Jackson is called to get Lydia to the hospital. Scott must cope with the girl he loves knowing his secret. Argent and the hunters try to get Scott's location out of Stiles and Jackson. Scott locates Derek and tells him Peter killed his sister on purpose. Kate tries to get Allison to kill Derek and Scott, but Argent stops them, having learned from Stiles that Kate was behind the Hale's house fire. Peter appears and kills Kate. Derek and Scott fight Peter, but they're overpowered. Stiles and Jackson appear with Lydia's self-igniting Molotov cocktails , which badly burn Peter before Derek slashes his throat, becoming the new Alpha. Scott and Allison reconcile. Jackson asks Derek for the bite.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_07x05

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_07x05_0

[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY - EARLY MORNING] [INT. CHURCH - EARLY MORNING] (Two nuns, Sister Elizabeth and Sister Bridget, walk into the church. Both are carrying large vases of flowers. The vases are so large, they can barely see in front of them. Sister Elizabeth sniffs the air.) Sister Elizabeth: Urine. (Sister Bridget sniffs the air. They make their way to the front of the church.) Sister Bridget: I don't smell it. Sister Elizabeth: Ever since Father started leaving the church open at night -- Sister Bridget: -- the church has gotten a lot more use. Sister Elizabeth: Yeah, as an orgy house and a toilet. Sister Bridget: No. People come in at all hours of the night to pray. Sister Elizabeth: "Dear Jesus, please keep me from blowing all my laundry money on the nickel slots at the Gas 'n' Go." (Sister Bridget puts her vase down on the floor next to a pew. Sister Elizabeth continues to the front. She sees a stream of liquid leading to the base of the statue of Jesus.) Sister Elizabeth: Oh, somebody's done their business right here next to Jesus. (She puts her vase down on the floor near the statue of Jesus. She steps back, her eyes wide and fixed on the statue in front of her. Sister Bridget heads over.) Sister Bridget: Oh, no, not again. (She turns and sees the older nun's reaction. She looks at the statue of Jesus and sees the blood on the palms of the statue's open hands.) (The two nuns look at each other. Sister Bridget gasps. Sister Elizabeth crosses herself.) Sister Elizabeth: Right here on the eve of the apocalypse, a miracle. CU: BLOODY STATUE HAND (SLOW MOTION. A single drop of blood falls and spatters on the statue's hand.) (The two nuns look up.) (There hanging from the rafters is a woman dressed in a white gown, her arms spread out wide and away from her body.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHURCH -- DAY] (Sirens wail in the distance.) (Crime scene tape is attached to the pews to block aisle entry. Grissom and Brass stand at the base of the statue, looking up at the dead body hanging from the rafters.) Brass: Somebody went to a lot of trouble to get her up there. Grissom: Why? I wonder. Somebody had a grudge against the church or somebody in the church. Brass: Or maybe they were just mad at God. (They look at each other, then turn and look up at the body above them.) Grissom: Well, Jesus died for our sins. What sin did she die for? FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHURCH -- DAY] (Warrick stands on the ground taking photos of the dead body. Nick is on the rising platform nearby.) Nick: You know if you think about it, this is one of the oldest ways to kill somebody. (The platform stops near the pulley system holding the body up in mid-air.) Warrick: Considering where we are, highly symbolic. All right, what do you got? How we gonna do this? Nick: Well, the two-by-four is tied to the scaffold with a single loop. There is an empty pulley up here. We could lower her down with that. Warrick: (looking up) That's probably how the killer got her up there in the first place. Then he ditched the rope. (looks around) I wouldn't be surprised to find it around here someplace. Nick: First things first. We'll use our rope; I'll run it through this pulley, and then let you take the weight. I'll mark the rope, cut the knot; down she goes. (Warrick picks up their rope from the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Nick tightens the rope around the two-by-four. He has the rope through the pulley.) Nick: Ready? Warrick: Yeah. Nick: You take the weight. I'll cut it on three. (Down below, Warrick braces himself as he holds the end of the rope.) Nick: One, two, three. (Nick cuts the rope.) Nick: Got it? Warrick: Yeah, ready. (groans) Oh. Whoever tied her up there had to be strong enough to deadlift her weight. (Nick brings the platform down with the body.) Nick: Yeah, either that or highly motivated. You know how it is once somebody's adrenaline gets pumping. Feel like they can do anything. (The platform and the body reach the ground.) Nick: All right, that's it. (Warrick and Nick put the cross and body flat on the plastic over the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CHURCH - FRONT (STOCK) -- DAY] (Sirens wail in the background. An officer ducks under the crime scene tape and walks away.) [INT. CHURCH - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Greg finishes fingerprinting the two sisters, Sister Elizabeth and Sister Bridget. Brass stands nearby as they talk. The sisters wipe the ink of their fingers.) Brass: Look, shouldn't Father Frank be here by now? Sister Elizabeth: Father Frank lives in ma ana land. Sister Bridget: Well, I'm sure he's on his way. Father Frank is a wonderful priest. And since he's been here, church attendance has tripled. Sister Elizabeth: (gruffly) Among our female congregants. (Sister Bridget sighs. She turns back to Brass and smiles.) Sister Bridget: And we have sponsors for our building fund. Sister Elizabeth: One sponsor. Greg: The Big Hombre? Sister Elizabeth: The car dealership. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHURCH -- DAY] (Robbins wipes his liver thermometer. Grissom stands nearby with his clipboard.) Robbins: Time of death was sometime between 2:00 and 4:00. Nasty head wound. She was actively bleeding, so she had to have been alive when she was tied to the cross. Good chance she died of suffocation. Grissom: Like Jesus. Robbins: Well, Jesus had a footrest. He was able to lift himself up and take short breaths. But this young lady was hanging. Her pectoral muscles probably became paralyzed and the intercostal muscles were unable to function. She was able to breathe out, but not breathe in. INSERT: CGI ENHANCEMENT Robbins: (V.O.) In time, carbon dioxide built up in her lungs and bloodstream. Edema built up in the chest cavity. Heart went into fibrillation. BACK TO SCENE. Grissom: Gruesome torture in any century. (Catherine walks up the aisle.) Catherine: In eighteen years, this is my first crucifixion. In a Catholic church with no crucifixes. (Catherine notes the blood on the palm of the statue of Jesus.) Grissom: I imagine the priest is a resurrection theologian, as opposed to a crucifixion theologian. They believe in forgiveness rather than penance. Catherine: We could all use a little forgiveness. Grissom: She was bleeding from her head wounds, and the beating didn't take place up there. (Catherine notes the blood at the base of the statue of Jesus.) Catherine: Well, the blood pool is gravitational. And the blood trail ... (She looks around at the trail on the floor.) Catherine: ... the tips are pointing towards the statue. She was bleeding on the way in. I'll backtrack, see if I can find the point of origin. (Catherine follows the blood to the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CHURCH - FRONT -- DAY] (A crowd of reporters and on-lookers have gathered around the front of the church. Father Frank Berlin pushes his way through the crowd to the church. Marty, a crackhead, follows him and gets too nervous with the police there.) Marty: Uh, ... I-I got to go, Father. I'll see you. Frank Berlin: Okay. (Marty leaves. Frank Berlin stops at the tape barrier and talks with Officer Mitchell.) Frank Berlin: I'm the pastor of the church. Officer Mitchell: (over his shoulder) Hey, Captain. He'll take care of you. (Officer Mitchell holds up the tape and Father Frank Berlin ducks under it.) Frank Berlin: Thank you. (Brass walks over to him.) Frank Berlin: Father Frank Berlin. Brass: I'm Jim Brass, Las Vegas Police. You were supposed to be here 45 minutes ago. Where you been? Frank Berlin: Been serving breakfast at the shelter. I understand there's been a death in the church. How soon before you're out of here? Brass: Father, this is a murder investigation. Frank Berlin: It's just we hold mass at ten o'clock. Brass: Yeah, I understand. Sorry, Father, but, uh, this is a crime scene. You're not gonna get your church back for a while. Frank Berlin: Is it all right if we set mass in the community center? Brass: Yeah, sure, I have no problem with that. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHURCH - FOYER / SANCTUARY - DAY] (Sisters Elizabeth and Bridget are wiping their hands. They stand up when Father Frank Berlin walks in.) Frank Berlin: Sister, would you tell the choir we'll be singing "In Paradisum." Sister Bridget: I'll take care of it, Father. (Sisters Bridget and Elizabeth leave. Greg gets up and follows Frank Berlin and Brass, who walk to the church sanctuary.) Frank Berlin: We sing the hymn for the dead every time we have a death. (They turn and enter the church sanctuary and walk down the aisle toward the body.) Brass: Sisters couldn't identify the victim, so we'll need you to take a look. Frank Berlin: Sorry. I didn't mean to sound cavalier. It's just we've had over half a dozen deaths this year. We've never had to close the church. Brass: That's because in this neighborhood those derelicts and drug addicts died of heatstroke, overdose and old age. None of them were strung up in the rafters. (They reach the front. Grissom turns around.) Brass: Father Frank Berlin, this is Gil Grissom from the Crime Lab. (Robbins turns the victim's head toward Frank Berlin so he can see her.) Brass: Do you recognize her? (Frank Berlin is quiet and distressed. Obviously he does recognize her. He shakes his head, no.) Brass: I'll take that as a no. (Grissom watches Frank Berlin.) Greg: Excuse me, Father. Is that blood on your jacket? (Frank looks at the blood on the back of his upper arm.) Frank Berlin: Yeah. We had a fight in the shelter. I had to break it up. Grissom: We're gonna need to take your clothes. Frank Berlin: No, you can't have my clothes. Brass: Then you have to come downtown to the police station. Greg: If you're gonna say mass later, you have to change anyway, right? (Frank Berlin turns and leaves. Grissom motions to Greg.) Grissom: Greg, go with him, collect his clothing. (Greg shrugs and leaves to follow Frank Berlin.) Brass: Is it a bigger sin to lie if you're a priest? Grissom: I hope so. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHURCH - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Catherine follows the blood trail. She looks up and sees the candles on the stand near the window. She walks over.) (She looks around. She takes a bill out, puts it in the donation slot. She takes a match from the matchbox and lights it.) Catherine: This one's for you, Sam. (She lights the candle and blows the match out. She crosses herself.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHURCH - STAIRS -- DAY] (Greg follows Frank Berlin down the stairs. Greg carries the bag of clothes with him.) Frank Berlin: When will I get those back? I only have three sets of clothes. Greg: Respectfully, Father, a woman's been murdered in your church and your clothes have blood on them. You're lucky you're not under arrest. (Greg continues walking. Frank Berlin stops and sits down on the steps, upset.) (Greg stops walking. He turns around and watches Frank Berlin for a moment. Greg turns and continues walking.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Sara gathers trace from the victim's body. She finishes marking the envelope and puts it on the tray. She picks up another envelope and gathers scrapings from under the victim's fingernails.) (She finishes and sets it aside. She picks up the magnifying glass and looks at the victim's feet. She finds a thorn in the victim's feet and snaps a photo of it.) (She removes the thorn and looks at it. She continues working.) (The door opens and Grissom walks in. Without looking up, Sara knows it's him. Grissom puts his gloves on. Sara pulls out another thorn from the victim's feet.) Sara: Was there bougainvillea at the crime scene? (Grissom stops and thinks about it.) Grissom: Two shrubs at the entrance of the church. A row of four on the wall of the community center. Three bushes behind the rectory adjacent to the statue of St. Jude. (She turns and smiles at him.) Sara: Did you anticipate that question in order to impress me with your powers of observation? Grissom: Memory's a gift. (Sara goes back to examining the victim's feet. Grissom looks at the victim.) Sara: Mmm. From whom? Grissom: Who do you think? Sara: Well, I wouldn't necessarily call myself an atheist, but I am not sold on the notion of a higher power. However, I used to love the stories of the saints. (Grissom notices a bruise pattern around the victim's neck. He puts his glasses on.) Grissom: This job certainly challenges your faith. Sara: Yes, it does, but I have science. Grissom: I believe we need a little of both. (Grissom thinks about it a moment. He takes his glasses off.) Sara: Sometimes I think we made up God just to have someone to blame for our mistakes. (Grissom's quiet and doesn't answer her. He gets an idea and quickly leaves the room.) Sara: (calls out) It's just a theory. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CHURCH - BACK -- DAY] (Catherine puts evidence marker #18 down next to a drop of blood on the stone walkway. She continues walking and puts evidence marker #19 down near some blood near a statue.) (She snaps a photo of it and looks around. Near the bushes, she finds a high-heeled sandal on the ground. She snaps photos of it and looks around the area. She finds the second matching sandal on the bougainvillea bush. She picks up the sandal and puts it on the ground next to the other sandal.) (She looks around and sees a set of keys on the ground nearby. Catherine walks over and picks it up. She looks at it.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Catherine steps out onto the sidewalk and holds out the car keys. She points it down the long row of cars and presses the alarm.) (The car alarm blares behind her. She turns around and looks at the car parked right in front of the church.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHURCH -- DAY] VARIOUS DISSOLVES OF: (Warrick checks the scaffolding for prints. He climbs up the ladder and swabs the scaffolding. He tests the swab.) (Warrick looks around. He climbs up and finds a piece of hair on the scaffolding. He picks it up and puts it in a bindle.) (He swabs some blood on the metal scaffolding. He tests it. It tests positive.) (He climbs up further and finds a blood smear on the scaffolding.) [INT. CHURCH - WALKWAY/BACK ROOM -- DAY] (Nick is walking through the side hallways. He finds things lying against the wall. He opens a backroom door and finds the mother lode.) Nick: (chuckles) Hey. (He steps inside and finds rope and other supplies.) Nick: (shouts) Hey! Hey, I found it. Rope, nails, hammers, everything. (Nick lifts up the rope and finds more hammers under it. He picks up the topmost hammer and examines it.) Nick: (softly) Oh, yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- DAY] (Grissom walks in his office. He heads for his desk. He opens his top right-hand drawer and picks up a small wooden box.) (He takes the box and walks out of his office.) [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Grissom walks back into the room. Sara is examining the body. She doesn't look up.) Sara: Something I said? Grissom: No, dear. Sara: I didn't offend you, did I? Did I say something offensive to you as a Catholic? Grissom: I'm not really a Catholic anymore, you know. I suppose I practice a kind of secular Catholicism that involves ritualizing certain aspects of everyday life and imbuing them with a spiritual intensity they might not otherwise possess, but I don't want to put too fine a point on it. (Grissom opens the box and takes out rosary beads.) Sara: And the rosary beads are a part of that. Grissom: This belonged to my mother. (He holds the beads up against the bruising around Jane Doe's neck. It matches.) Grissom: Take a look at this pattern. (Sara leans in to look. She picks up the camera and snaps photos of the beads and bruising.) Grissom: Five series of ten beads, each representing the "five mysteries" separated by five "our father" beads. Sara: Who would strangle someone with a rosary? Grissom: Probably the same person who would crucify someone in a church. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CHURCH -- DAY] (Grissom walks out of the church and heads over to Father Frank Berlin, who is talking with a man. When he's finished, the man leaves. Father Berlin picks up the scrub brush and starts working on removing the black ink from St. Jude's back.) Grissom: St. Jude. (Frank Berlin turns around.) Patron saint of lost causes. Frank Berlin: And that's why it's so difficult to keep the local kids from defacing this statue. Did you run those tests on my clothes? Grissom: We did. The blood on your clothes is not a match to the blood on the victim. Frank Berlin: So do I get my clothes back? Grissom: Not just yet. (Frank Berlin turns to leave. Grissom stops him.) Grissom: I have a favor to ask. Frank Berlin: You steal my clothes and then you want to ask for another favor? Grissom: We'd like permission to search your rectory and the nuns' apartments. Frank Berlin: Just because someone dies in our church doesn't mean we have anything to do with it. Grissom: Well, we want to eliminate you as suspects. Frank Berlin: That's what you said when you fingerprinted us, and the truth is you don't have enough for a warrant. Grissom: You're right. But you have nothing to hide. Frank Berlin: You really think if I killed a woman, I'd leave her body in my own church? Grissom: It's so obvious that it obviates suspicion. (In the background Sister Bridget walks over toward them. The church bells start to ring.) Frank Berlin: Mmm, I'm not that smart. Grissom: Well, that's hardly the argument to make. Frank Berlin: What is it you're looking for? Grissom: Rosaries. Sister Bridget: Mr. Grissom, I didn't realize you were here. (Frank Berlin takes the glass of water from her.) Frank Berlin: That's all right, Sister. We don't have to hide anything from Mr. Grissom. Uh, he's here to confiscate our rosaries. I don't know where mine are. Do you? Sister Bridget: It's probably in the sacristy. Grissom: We'll need all the rosaries. Sister Bridget: Uh, even Sister Elizabeth's? She's not going to like that. Frank Berlin: Happy day for Sister Elizabeth, for she delights in what she dislikes. (Grissom notes Sister Bridget smiling at Father Frank Berlin.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Nick and Warrick have the hammers on the table in front of them. The other supplies from the church are also in the lab.) (Nick sprays the hammers. Warrick finds the matching rope ends.) Nick: The killer used materials from the church: the rope, the 2x4s, and one of these hammers. I just haven't found it yet. But all this was in the same utility closet. Warrick: He didn't bring anything with him? Nick: Hmm-mm. Warrick: What does this feel like to you? Nick: Inside job. Warrick: I mean maybe one of the construction workers wasn't a fan of the victim. I'm going to call Brass. (Warrick heads out of the lab.) [INT. CSI - HALLWAY / TRACE LAB - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Warrick walks out across the hallway. Hodges sees him and knocks on the glass window to get his attention. Warrick looks up and Hodges motions for him to come to his lab.) (Warrick walks in.) Warrick: What? Hodges: I've solved your case. Warrick: Bull. Hodges: No, cow. Those hairs you found on the scaffold ... not human. (Warrick looks at the scope.) SCOPE VIEW: BOVINE HAIR SHAFT. Hodges: Bovine. Warrick: They have red cows? Hodges: You betcha, partner. Guernseys. Maybe the scaffold was used somewhere else. Like on a farm. Warrick: Or maybe it was secondary transfer. Hodges: Well, you can take care of that. I've done all the heavy lifting. As usual. (Warrick rolls his eyes and leaves the lab.) [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Catherine is walking through the hallway when she meets up with Greg.) Catherine: Oh, hi. Greg: Hi. Catherine: I saw you at the crime scene. I thought you were on desk duty until the coroner's inquest. Greg: Yeah, I was starting to get a serious case of trucker butt so I told Grissom that I wanted to, uh, get back out with the team. Catherine: Yeah, there's no therapy like work. (Catherine turns and looks at Greg.) Catherine: You doing okay? (He motions absently to the bruises still evident on his face. It looks somewhat painful.) Greg: Yeah. (He smiles.) Catherine: Well, hang in there. Greg: All right. (Catherine walks away. Greg sighs and heads off in another direction.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Sofia walks in and talks with Hugo Bombay.) Sofia: Mr. Bombay. We found your keys at the scene of our murder. We also found your car close by. Hugo Bombay: I don't know anything about a murder. Sofia: (looking in file folder) Well, we also found a wad of bloody tissues in the front seat of your vehicle. Hugo Bombay: What ... what's going on? Sofia: You tell me. Hugo Bombay: I loaned my car to a woman I work with last night. She sings at my club. Charlotte Danville. Is she all right? (Sofia puts a photo on the table. He looks at it. It's the victim's morgue photo. He takes a moment.) Sofia: Was this your friend? Hugo Bombay: Yeah, that's her. (He pushes the photo back to Sofia, visibly upset by the image.) Who did ... who did this to her? Sofia: Why did she borrow your car? Hugo Bombay: (stares at photo) She had to ... she had to do another set and needed to change her clothes. Sofia: Doesn't she have her own car? Hugo Bombay: She had a Toyota Solara. Totally tricked out. Sofia: So why did she borrow yours? (He flips the photo over.) Hugo Bombay: I don't know. I didn't get the whole story. She seemed upset. She was talking to this guy. (Quick flash to: [INT. CLUB - NIGHT] Charlotte Danville sits at a table and talks with someone. A waitress walks over and whispers to her.) Hugo Bombay: (V.O.) I had to send a waitress over to remind her that she was getting paid to sing. (End of flashback.) Sofia: You ever see the guy move forward? (Quick flash of: Cody White talks with Charlotte.) Hugo Bombay: (V.O.) Yeah, it's that guy that sells cars on television. (End of flashback.) Hugo Bombay: Uh ... Cody White. I mean, but a lot of guys came in to see Charlotte. I mean, it's not like she slept around or anything. I tried. Can I go now? Sofia: Not without an alibi. Where did you spend the night? Hugo Bombay: I allowed myself to succumb to the pleasures of Donna. And she kept me up to the wee hours of the morning gratifying her abnormal lust. (Marty turns around and waves to a buxom brunette sitting out in the waiting room. Donna waves back.) (Marty looks at Sofia.) Hugo Bombay: (whispers) She sleeps with her eyes open. (He grimaces. Sofia stifles a smile.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] (FAR VIEW of HOMBRE MOTORS.) [INT. HOMBRE MOTORS -- DAY] (Brass walks over to a car with Cody White.) Brass: Yeah, this is it. Cody White: Well, this car's already been cleaned and detailed. It's ready to be sold. Brass: Well, I guess it's a change of plans. Cody White: No. No, there's not a change of plans. This baby's staying right where she sits. I'm not in the give-away-the-car-to-cops business. I'm in the sell-the-car-to-willing-victims business. Brass: Mr. White, we have a court order to examine this car for evidence related to the murder of Charlotte Danville. Cody White: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Charlotte? She and I are friends. I ... I knew her. Brass: Yeah, I know. We have a witness who places you arguing with her last night. You may be one of the last people to see her alive. Cody White: Yeah. I was with her. I went to see Charlotte to give her the car. Helped Charlotte through a rough patch, but lately she's been ducking me. (Quick flash of: [INT. CLUB - NIGHT] Cody White talks with Charlotte Danville.) Charlotte Danville: What am I supposed to do now? Walk home? Cody White: I'll give you money for a cab. Tomorrow, we'll see about getting you a good used car. Charlotte Danville: Some junker. Thanks a lot. Some friend you are. Take your damn car. (She picks up the keys off the table and tosses them to him. She knocks over a glass and stands up.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Cody White: Guess that's what you get for helping a friend, you know. Look, I feel awful about Charlotte. I really do. But I'll tell you this: Whatever happened, happened after I got this car. Brass: Well, I feel awful too, but the car is coming with me. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] Catherine: (V.O.) No sign of forced entry. [INT. DANVILLE APARTMENT -- DAY] (Catherine and Sofia walk into the apartment.) Sofia: Pricey address. Catherine: Does this look like the condo of a woman who sings weekends at the Gorilla Room? (They look around the living room. Catherine finds blood.) Catherine: Fight must've started here. Got some blood, some here on the pillow. But no blood trail. The real beating took place in the bushes at the church. Sofia: This was just the opening act. Catherine: Explains the bloody tissue found in the back seat of Hugo's car. I guess she got a bloody nose or a fat lip here, ran out and used Hugo's car to go to the church. (Catherine looks at a scrapbook with newspaper clippings.) Sofia: The killer must have followed her and caught up with her there. (Catherine smiles as she reads the newspaper clipping headline: CHARLOTTE DANVILLE FLOORS 'EM AT THE LAVISH CAF .) Catherine: She had quite the career. (She turns the page and finds a large colored photo of a happy Charlotte and Frank Berlin.) Catherine: Sofia. (Sofia walks over.) Catherine: You recognize that guy? That's Father Frank Berlin. I mean, a lot younger, obviously. (Catherine points to another man in another photo.) Catherine: You know him? Sofia: No. Catherine: That's 'the Big Hombre.' He sells cars on TV. She's known these guys forever. (Sofia turns and looks around the room. Catherine continues looking through the scrapbook. Sofia finds some rosary beads on a pair of black high-heeled shoes. Sofia walks over and kneels down.) Sofia: Here's a rosary. (Catherine turns around.) Sofia: Looks like it's broken. (Catherine picks the beads up.) Catherine: Hmm. Could be the one she was strangled with. (Sofia looks around and finds a bag and cell phone on the living room table.) Sofia: And here's her purse and cell phone. You don't leave home without those unless you're in a hurry. Catherine: Or you're being chased. (Catherine notices the television set.) Catherine: DVD's on pause. (She hits 'play' and a home video of Charlotte Danville, Cody White and Frank Berlin singing karaoke appears on screen.) Catherine: Well, there they are again. Sofia: Someone was taking a trip down memory lane. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DANVILLE APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Catherine is in the bedroom using the ALS on the bedsheets.) Catherine: There was a man in her life. (She pulls back the bedcovers and finds semen on the bedsheets.) (She looks through more sheets and finds more semen.) Catherine: Mr. Frisky. [INT. DANVILLE APARTMENT - KITCHEN - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Catherine steps out of the bedroom and finds Sofia looking at the trash.) Sofia: Drain smells like whiskey, empty bottles in the trash, more liquor than you could use in a wild weekend. She might have been going on the wagon. (Catherine steps into the kitchen and picks up a bottle of vitamins.) Catherine: Folic acid. (Sofia opens the refrigerator door and finds it completely stocked. Catherine continues to look through the vitamin bottles.) Sofia: Fresh fruit, vegetables, plenty of milk. (They stop and get the same idea at the same time. They turn and look at each other.) Sofia: You think she was pregnant? Catherine: We'll have Robbins run a pregnancy test. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- DAY] (Grissom takes the memory chip out of the camera and loads it into the computer. He goes through the photos. He finds a particular photo of the bruising around the victim's throat and prints it out.) (Grissom puts his glasses on. On the table is the bagged silver rosary beads belonging to Father Frank Berlin. Grissom takes the beads out of the bag and places them over the bruises in the photo.) (Sara walks in carrying an evidence bag.) Sara: Hey. Got another rosary for your collection. (Sara hands the evidence bag to Grissom.) Grissom: Where'd you get this? Sara: Catherine found it in Charlotte's condo. There is some evidence that the fight started there. (Grissom takes the beads out of the bag. He compares them to Father Frank Berlin's rosary beads. They look exactly alike.) Sara: Charlotte's bag and cell phone were there, as if she left in a hurry. Are those Father Frank's? Grissom: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHURCH - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Brass meets up with Sister Elizabeth and Sister Bridget.) Brass: Where's Father Frank? Sister Bridget: Father Frank is hearing confessions tonight. (Brass turns and heads for the main sanctuary. He walks out of frame. The two sisters linger behind. Sister Elizabeth leans toward Sister Bridget and whispers to her.) Sister Elizabeth: It's St. Bart's all over again. Only that time, he went in handcuffs. Sister Bridget: That never happened. It was just a rumor. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHURCH - SANCTUARY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Father Frank Berlin runs out of the confessional booth. He opens the other confessional door and hauls Cody White out. The two men start fighting.) Voice: Get away. (Brass rushes in.) Brass: Hey! (The two men stop fighting.) Brass: Didn't your mother tell you you're not supposed to fight in church? Cody White. What's up, Hombre? Cody White: Father Frank and I are actually old friends. Just having a conversation about church finances. Brass: But aren't you the one who's funding the renovation of the church? Cody White: Not anymore. Well, there you go. We done here? Brass: Yeah. (Cody White leaves through the side door.) Brass: So what sins did he commit to earn the punch-out penance? Let's talk about it downtown. (Brass and Frank Berlin walk out the front -- past the sisters and curious on-lookers.) (We hold on Sister Bridget.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Grissom puts photos of the rosaries out on the table in front of Father Frank Berlin as he and Brass question him.) Grissom: These are unique rosaries, Father. Handmade in Italy. And they're sequentially numbered on the back. So we know that they were purchased together. One of them is yours; one we found at the victim's condo. Did you give it to her? Frank Berlin: Yes. Brass: You know, Father, when we asked you if you knew her, you said you didn't. Frank Berlin: After I saw Charlotte's body, I don't recall being asked any questions. Um, uh, maybe I said "no" to what I was seeing. I don't really remember much about yesterday. Brass: What about the night before? Frank Berlin: I was at the shelter. Brass: You know, we can't find anyone who remembers seeing you there after midnight. Frank Berlin: Because I wasn't there past midnight. Brass: Where were you? Frank Berlin: One of our regulars, Marty, came in high on crack. He got into an argument, a fight with one of the other men, and I ... Brass: What time was that? Frank Berlin: Uh, it was late. I don't wear a watch. We had to call the paramedics; you can check with them. Brass: Charlotte died around 2:00 A.M. Where were you then? Frank Berlin: I was out with Marty trying to walk off his high to keep him out of trouble. Brass: Does crackhead Marty have a last name? Frank Berlin: I-I don't know. Brass: You know, Father, listen, I'm telling you, these answers -- none of them work for me. Frank Berlin: Well, then put me in jail. I'll still be doing exactly the same work I'm doing out here with exactly the same results. Brass: I don't want to do that. (There's a knock on the door. Brass gets up to answer it.) Brass: Sister Bridget? (Grissom quickly gets up and follows Brass out of the room.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Officer Mitchell is holding a bloodied hammer wrapped in a towel. Brass and Grissom step out of the room.) Officer Mitchell: I think you should see this, cap. Sister Bridget: I'm sorry I didn't come forward sooner, Father. Officer Mitchell: We caught her trying to bring this into the building. Sister Bridget: This is the hammer I used to build the cross. Frank Berlin: No, no, she didn't. She must've got that out of my office at the shelter. I took it off Marty. Brass: Father, sit down, please. (Frank Berlin goes back into the interview room and sits down.) Grissom: Sister, excuse me, but ... could you tell us how you managed to haul the victim's body to the top of the scaffolding? Sister Bridget: I used the rope and the pulley, the one the workmen use. Brass: But why did you kill her? Sister Bridget: Because she had to be stopped. She was coming for Father, and I couldn't let that happen. Now ... do your job. Arrest me. Grissom: Sister, how much do you weigh? Sister Bridget: 123 pounds. Grissom: It's a question of physics. Charlotte weighed 140 pounds, plus the weight of the cross. You don't weigh enough or have enough strength to have hoisted the body 17 feet into the air. Sister Bridget: It was a miracle. (Grissom nods and doesn't say anything. He turns to Brass.) Brass: The only miracle is I'm not charging you with obstruction. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Nick preps a swab and swabs the hammer's handle. He caps the swab.) (He sprays the handle and finds a print. He takes a photo of the print. He puts the camera card into the computer and compares the print with Father Frank Berlin. He has a POSITIVE MATCH.) Nick: Father Frank. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LOUNGE -- DAY] (Nick talks with Sara and Grissom about his print findings.) Nick: The blood on the hammer is a match to the blood found on the father's clothes, but none of it is from Charlotte. Grissom: Well, you know, he told me that he broke up a fight at the shelter. Nick: I think Sister Bridget found the bloody hammer and confessed to the murder because she thought Father Frank was guilty. Sara: If she thinks he did it, maybe he did it. But why does she think that he did it? Grissom: You know, his move from St. Bart's to St. Jude's involved a female parishioner who committed suicide. No charges were filed, but the parish board asked that he be removed. Sara: I can do you one better. Catherine found two sets of semen stains on Charlotte's bedding. Unknown contributor on the bed skirt. Probably doesn't get washed as often. But the one on the sheet is a match to Father Frank. It's probably more recent. And here is the big thing: Uh, Doc Robbins says that Charlotte was about ten weeks pregnant. Nick: Maybe he's the unwilling father of her unborn child. Grissom: Well, DNA will give us a profile. Sara: One more thing that he did not tell us. Grissom: We didn't ask. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOMBRE MOTORS -- DAY] (Brass talks with Cody White.) Brass: I don't know, I mean, most people give their friends, uh, subscriptions to a fruit-of-the-month club. But you gave your friend Charlotte a condo and a car. Cody White: It's like I told you before, I was helping her out. I was letting her live there and use the car till she got on her feet. She came back to Vegas broke and strung out, and I was helping her. Brass: So it was supposed to be a short-term thing? Cody White: It was supposed to be short-term, but it was endless. Sort of like renovating St. Jude's. Brass: So is that what the fight in the church was about? Cody White: No, that's not what the fight was about. I went to talk to him about Charlotte. I thought maybe taking the car back had something to do with her death. I don't know. Then he said something; I said ... I don't even remember, to tell you the truth. But I'll tell you this: he lost it. I've never seen Frank like that. Brass: So do you always have personal conversations in the confessional? Cody White: Can't talk to him in his office with that Sister Bridget hovering around. Besides, I'd never want his relationship with Charlotte to be open to misinterpretation. Brass: Now, why would their relationship be open to misinterpretation? Cody White: They were more than friends. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (Grissom looks through Charlotte's scrapbook. Sara and Nick are still in his office.) Grissom: Going by her scrapbook, this seems to have been a golden time in Charlotte's life -- high school. There's a lot of pictures of the three of them together, but the only two-shots are of Frank and Charlotte except for this one. (Nick leans forward to look at the picture Grissom's talking about.) Grissom: Evidently, she went to her prom with Cody. Nick: She looks thrilled. (not.) Grissom: The next picture of Frank, he's in a seminary. Maybe, uh, giving up Charlotte was the sacrifice he made to join the church. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Frank Berlin sits at the interview room table. Brass walks in.) Brass: I need to ask you a few more questions. Frank Berlin: Go ahead and ask the question you really want to know. Brass: Who killed Charlotte Danville? Frank: I did. (He looks away. Brass sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - PARKING GARAGE -- DAY] (The elevator bell dings and the doors open. Grissom and Brass step out into the garage.) Brass: Single malt express is leaving the station as soon as I get home. Grissom: Look, I know it sounds nuts, but this is not the way a resurrection theologian would kill his pregnant mistress. Brass: He confessed. Grissom: He's a Catholic. They're full of guilt. (Brass walks over to his car.) Brass: He's a priest, for God's sakes. That's the whole point of the priesthood. No sleeping around. More energy for good works and noble deeds. Now you find me some evidence to exonerate the good father, and we'll talk. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (Sara is in the car, wearing a mask, and spraying luminol on the car seats.) Catherine: Hi. I heard Grissom wants us to keep digging. This Charlotte's car? Sara: Yeah. I found blood smears, but they've been washed. Cody said he repo'd the car at the club and drove it back to the lot. There shouldn't be any blood in this car. Catherine: Well, unless Father Frank drove it that night, and we've got no reason to believe that he did. Sara: Which brings us back to Cody. Catherine: Do you have a big enough sample for DNA? Sara: No. But I do know one spot the detailers never hit. (Sara sprays the pedal. It lights up.) Sara: Bloody shoe impression on the brake pedal. Catherine: Well, I'll compare it to Father Frank's shoes. If it's not a match, I'll get a warrant for Cody's shoes. Sara: I'll get a sample of the blood to DNA. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. HOMBRE MOTORS -- DAY] (Sara and Sofia wait for Cody White to read the warrant. Cody is wearing a cowboy outfit complete with yellow hat.) Cody White: I'm trying to shoot a commercial here, so I don't see why this can't wait. (He looks at the warrant.) Cody White: I can't even read this, so why don't you tell me what it is that you want? Sara: Your boots and a DNA sample. Cody White: Well, there's my wife. (shouts) Candy! Get my damn lawyer on the phone now. Candice White: What's wrong? Cody White: Would ... would you just do it, please? Sara: We found rust-colored fur on the scaffold at the crime scene. Sofia: Well, I'll call a judge and get him to amend the warrant to include the vest. Cody White: J-j-j-j-j-J... hold on for a minute, all right? J-Just hang on? (Greg appears behind them carrying a plastic bag with cowboy boots in it.) Greg: Hey, I found these in his office. Positive for blood on the right sole. Cody White: Where's my wife? (shouts) Candy?! Greg: Well, Big Hombre, it looks like you're going to the hoosegow. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM A -- DAY] (Brass and Grissom talk with Frank Berlin.) Brass: So, you don't like crucifixes, but maybe you made an exception when you found out Charlotte was pregnant, hmm? Grissom: Father ... I want you to take a look at this. (Grissom puts the crime scene photo of Charlotte hanging from the rafters. Frank Berlin looks at the photo and grimaces sadly.) Frank Berlin: I'm responsible for her murder. I could never do that. Brass: In my world, Father, you're either guilty or innocent. Frank Berlin: Well, in my world, you can be both. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM B -- DAY] (Sofia interviews Cody White.) Sofia: The blood on your boot is Charlotte's. Your footprint was found on the brake pedal of her car in blood. The lab also matched hair from your fur vest to hair found dried in the blood of the victim in the church. (Cody White shrugs and laughs.) Cody White: No matter how much evidence you have, I'm the Big Hombre. I get whatever I want, including store-bought justice. Sofia: And yet, the one thing you couldn't get was Charlotte's love. Cody White: Yeah, like I said, I only saw her that last time to get the car. (Quick flashback to: [INT. CLUB - NIGHT] Charlotte sings and plays piano as Cody White listens.) (She finishes and the audience applauds.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Charlotte sits at Cody White's table.) Charlotte Danville: Thanks for coming. Cody White: Come on. I'd come every night if you wanted me to. You know that. (Charlotte takes the keys out of her bag and puts them on the table.) Charlotte Danville: Here's the car back. You're a good friend. (End of flashback.) Sofia: No, you gave her the car. You gave her everything. And how did she pay you back? She dumped you for your best friend. (Quick flashback to: [INT. CLUB - NIGHT] Charlotte puts the keys on the table.) Charlotte Danville: Here's the car back. And I'm moving. Cody White: Why would you do that? Charlotte Danville: I can't do this anymore. It's not right. I'm in love with another man. I'm sorry, Cody. Cody White: That's what you got for me? You got, you're sorry? I'm sorry, too. (He angrily knocks the glass over, spilling the drink all over her dress. She gasps and stands up.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM A -- DAY] (Grissom and Brass talk with Frank Berlin.) Grissom: We, uh, found a letter you wrote to the bishop and pulled it off your computer. "The spirit has left my vocation. I've crossed a line in my discipline and committed an act unfit for the priesthood." What act is that? Frank Berlin: Putting my love for Charlotte above my love for God. Grissom: So, you were leaving the priesthood? Frank Berlin: I was leaving because I loved her, and I wanted to be with her in all ways. Her dying doesn't change that. I still love her. (Quick flashback to: [INT. CHURCH] Frank Berlin talks with Charlotte.) Frank Berlin: I talked to the monsignor. It's a complicated process, but I told him I'm leaving. Charlotte Danville: Are you sure? Frank Berlin: I prayed about it. What came to me was that God is love. Wherever there is true love, God is, as well. I have to follow my heart. (End of flashback.) Frank Berlin: And we only made love once, but in the wake of that, I found the husband in me, the father in me. I wanted to be those men for her. And I always loved her. Grissom: And what if the baby wasn't yours? Frank Berlin: A child is always welcome. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM B -- DAY] (Cody talks with Sofia.) Cody White: Yeah, I decorated her condo, you know that? I bought her that car. Special-ordered the paint to match the color of her eyes. She didn't care as long as she had a place to stay. That's all she cared about. Sofia: She cared about Father Frank, didn't she? Did you suspect that she was leaving you for him? Cody White: Should have, but I didn't. (Quick flashback to: [INT. CHARLOTTE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT] Charlotte changed and steps out into the living room. She finds Cody sitting there.) Charlotte Danville: What are you doing here? Cody White: Look, I'm sorry about the dress, all right? Charlotte Danville: I have to get back to the club. (Charlotte grabs her things off the table. Cody gets up and grabs Charlotte's arm. She gasps.) Cody White: Wait, wait, wait. I want to know who you're leaving me for. Charlotte Danville: No. (He slaps her. She falls backward over the chair.) Cody White: What is that? (He sees the rosary on the floor. He picks it up.) Cody White: It's Frank, isn't it? (shouts) Isn't it? (He uses the rosary and chokes her. She gasps.) Cody White: It's always been Frank. (Charlotte kicks Cody off her. She scrambles to her feet.) (End of flashback.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM A -- DAY] (Brass and Grissom talk with Frank Berlin.) Brass: You know, he doesn't think you did it. But I think that you know who killed Charlotte. He came to the church that day to confess, didn't he? (Quick flashback to: [INT. CONFESSIONAL] Cody confesses to Frank.) Cody White: Bless for I have sinned. My last confession was two weeks ago. I lied to my wife seven times. I cheated an old lady out of a classic car. And I killed my best friend for cheating on me with you. (Frank turns and looks at Cody when he realizes what he just said.) (End of flashback.) Frank Berlin: You know I can't discuss that. (Brass sighs.) Frank Berlin: You know, in Vegas, it's routine to hear the most heinous sins, and as a priest, you listen, and in Christ's name, you forgive. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM B -- DAY] Cody White: I knew she'd go running to him. She'd always run back to Frank, and I knew he wouldn't be there. He was never there. (Sofia sits down.) Sofia: Is that when you thought of crucifying her in Frank's church? Cody White: I don't know how I came up with that. You know, Frank always used to talk about the problem of human evil. How ... you better watch out 'cause it'd come into you in times of despair. Something terrible came into me that night. (Quick flashback to: [EXT. CHURCH] Charlotte is walking outside the church when Cody jumps out and hits her. She falls to the ground. He jumps over her and chokes her.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHURCH - NIGHT] (Cody hammers the plyboards together. He uses the string and ties Charlotte to the make-shift cross.) (As Charlotte comes to, Cody uses the pulleys to lift Charlotte and the cross up to the rafters.) (End of flashback.) Cody White: I loved Charlotte more than anything. Sofia: The paternity test came back. You were the father. (Cody turns and looks at Sofia.) Sofia: You killed your own baby. (Cody cries.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (Father Frank Berlin alone sits in the hallway. Grissom walks down the hallway toward him. From the opposite end of the hallway, officers escort Cody White out of the interview room and past Frank Berlin. Frank gets to his feet.) (Cody stops in front of him.) Cody White: You were my friend. You should have come to me like a man. (The officers lead Cody away.) (Grissom watches them go. He turns and looks at Frank Berlin.) Grissom: Can you forgive him? Frank Berlin: That's Christ's mandate. You know what that means. Grissom: You have no choice.

Grissom and his team investigate the case of a woman found dead in a church. They soon discover evidence of a love triangle dating all the way back to the victim's high school years that could reveal who is responsible for her death.

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: The comic book store. Sheldon: Smell that? That's the smell of new comic books. Oh, yes! Howard: They're on me today, boys. Raj: You're paying? Have you been selling your sperm again? Howard: No, I'm celebrating. As we speak, the space shuttle is docking at the International Space Station where it will deploy the Wolowitz Zero-Gravity Waste Disposal System. Raj: Oh, get over yourself, it's a high-tech toilet. Leonard: Just think. Thanks to your hard work, an international crew of astronauts will boldly go where no man has gone before. Howard: Is that supposed to be funny? Sheldon: I believe it is. The combination of the Star Trek reference and the play on words involving the double-meaning of the verb to go suggests that Leonard is humorously mocking your efforts in space plumbing. Howard: Okay, make your little jokes, but of the four of us, I'm the only one making any real-world contribution to science and technology. Raj: He's right. This is an important achievement, for two reasons. Number one, and, of course, number two. Sheldon: Oh, clever! Playing on the use of cardinal numbers as euphemisms for bodily functions. Stuart: Here, Sheldon, I pulled the new Hellboy for you. It's mind-blowing. Sheldon: Excuse me, spoiler alert. Stuart: I didn't spoil anything. Sheldon: You told me it's mind-blowing, so, my mind is going into it pre-blown. And once a mind is pre-blown, it cannot be re-blown. Stuart: I'm sorry. Sheldon: Said the Grinch to Christmas. Stuart: Uh, hey, Leonard, can I talk to you about something? Leonard: Oh, sure, what's up? Stuart: Remember I went out with your friend Penny a couple weeks ago? Leonard: Yeah, vaguely. Raj: Sure you remember. You went to the bar and made a fool of yourself trying to pick up strange women. Leonard: What about it? Stuart: Well, uh, the thing is, the date didn't go that well. Leonard: Oh, too bad. I guess the thing to do now is just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, forget it and move on. Stuart: I can't do that. Leonard: Why the hell not? Stuart: 'Cause we're going out again tomorrow. Sheldon: Excuse me, Stuart. Have you read the new Flash? Stuart: No. Sheldon: Well, I have and it will knock your socks off! Good luck getting them back on. Stuart: Uh, anyway, I figured this is probably my last shot with Penny and I don't want to screw it up. Leonard: Nobody wants that. Stuart: So, here's my question. It's the second date, you think she'll be expecting things to get physical? Leonard: Uh, oh, gee, my initial reaction is no. You know, let me think about it and get back to you, okay? Stuart: Okay, so, you'll give me a call? Leonard: Yeah, or you call me. Stuart: Great. Leonard: Or nobody calls anyone. Raj: Interesting. Penny's current suitor asking advice from her former suitor. Leonard: You know, thanks for closed-captioning my pain, Raj. Howard: Hey, wanna make sure he gets nowhere with Penny without jeopardizing your friendship with either of them? Leonard: I'm listening. Howard: Just tell him to do everything you've done with her for the last two years. Credits sequence. Scene: The lobby. Penny: Hey, Leonard. Leonard: Oh, hi. Penny: How's it going? Leonard: Good, good. You? Penny: Fine. Oh, hey, can I ask you something? Leonard: Sure. Penny: You know your friend Stuart? Leonard: Yes. Penny: Well, he asked me out again and I said yes, and then I started thinking maybe I should talk to you first. Leonard: About what? Penny: Well, does it bother you, me going out with one of your friends? 'Cause you know, you and me... Leonard: No, no that's the past. I'm really more of a right now kind of guy. You know, living in the moment. Although I do have to live a little in the future, 'cause, well, that's my job. Of course, my fondness for classic science fiction does draw my attention backwards, but those stories often take place in the future. In conclusion, no, it doesn't bother me. Penny: Okay, well, that's really cool of you. Leonard: Yeah, well I wouldn't say cool, I'd just say, that's Leonard! Penny: Well, In that case, do you mind giving me some advice? Leonard: About Stuart? Love to. Penny: He's very shy, how do I make him feel more comfortable around me? Leonard: Well, uh, first of all, don't underestimate the value of discomfort. Penny: Really? Leonard: Well, yeah, Stuart thrives under pressure, that's why he works in a comic book store. Scene: The university cafeteria. Leonard's phone rings. Leonard: Oh. It's Stuart. Sheldon: You're not going to answer it? Leonard: He wants to talk about Penny. I don't want to talk about Penny. Sheldon: You're making an assumption. Perhaps the comic book store is on fire, and he needs your assistance. Leonard: Why would he call me? Sheldon: We don't know. And if you don't answer the phone, we can't know. Leonard: I'm not answering the phone, Sheldon. Sheldon: Answer the phone, Leonard. Leonard: No! There, it went to voice mail. Sheldon: Aren't you going to check your messages? Leonard: No. Sheldon: You have to check your messages, the leaving of a message is one half of a social contract which is completed by the checking of the message. If that contract breaks down then all social contracts break down and we descend into anarchy. Leonard: It must be hell inside your head. Sheldon: At times. Howard: Guys, we have a code red. Sheldon: Do you mean code red the hospital emergency alert, code red the computer worm, or code red the cherry flavoured soft drink from the makers of Mountain Dew? Howard: Look, I was going over the schematics on my zero-G toilet, and I made a teeny tiny mistake on the specifications for the diverter valve. Leonard: How teeny tiny? Howard: It's gonna fail after about ten flushes. Sheldon: But the mission is for six months. Howard: Yeah, see, that's the code red. It's kind of like a jack-in-the-box, no one knows exactly when, but at some point something way worse than a puppet is gonna pop out of that box. Sheldon: Have you notified NASA? Howard: No. Are you crazy?What am I gonna say? I screwed up your toilet and pretty soon there's gonna be crap floating all over your nice shiny space station? Leonard: Well, what are you gonna do? Howard: I'm gonna figure out how to fix it, then I'll tell them. Leonard: So, what do you need us for? Raj: He can't figure out how to fix it. Howard: Hey, you said you were gonna be supportive. Raj: I'm trying, but you have to admit this is pretty damn funny. Sheldon: I agree. It's the juxtaposition of the high-tech nature of space exploration against the banality of a malfunctioning toilet that provides the comic fodder here. Check your messages. Scene: The apartment. Howard: All right, this is an exact duplicate of the Wolowitz Zero-Gravity Human Waste Disposal System as deployed on the International Space Station. Raj: Don't you mean the Wolowitz Zero-Gravity Human Waste Distribution System? Leonard: Good one. Raj: Yeah. Howard: Yeah, ha, it's hilarious. Now, here's an approximation of the spare parts available on the Space Station. We gotta find a way, using nothing but this, to reinforce this so the waste material avoids the spinning turbine. Raj: You mean so it doesn't hit the fan? Sheldon: Yeah, I have to say, I thought the toilet humour would get less funny with repetition. Apparently, there is no law of diminishing comedic returns with space poop. (There is a knock on the door) Stuart: Hey Leonard. Leonard: Hey Stuart. Stuart: You busy? Leonard: Um... Howard: Classified, Leonard. Leonard: Yeah, it's a regular Manhattan Project. What's up? Stuart: Well, tonight's my date with Penny and since we haven't been able to connect by phone... Leonard: Yeah, I'm sorry, it's been broken. Stuart: Or e-mail. Leonard: Yeah, that too. Everything's broken. Stuart: Anyway, I was just wondering if you had any last-minute advice. Leonard: All right, well, off the top of my head, I think the most important thing with Penny is to go really slow. I mean, glacial. Stuart: Okay. Leonard: You know, guys come onto her all the time, so, you need to, like, set yourself apart. You know, be a little shy, don't make too much eye contact. And, you know, treat her with, like, cool detachment and, and, and, you know, fear. Stuart: Fear? Leonard: Yeah, like, you're afraid that if you touch her, she'll break. Stuart: Well, that plays right into my wheelhouse. Leonard: Good, good. Well, you kids have fun tonight. Stuart: Thanks, Leonard. What is that thing anyway? Howard: You don't know what this is? Stuart: No. Howard: Good. Get out. Raj: Be afraid of Penny, nice, very crafty. Leonard: It wasn't bad advice. It just wasn't particularly helpful. Sheldon: For what it's worth, my mother says that when we deceive for personal gain, we make Jesus cry. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Later. Sheldon: All right, what if we use this two-inch PVC to reinforce the centre cross-support? Howard: No good. I mean, it might work for the Japanese and the Americans, but have you seen the size of the Russians they got up there? This thing has to hold up against a hearty potato-based diet. Leonard: I feel terrible. Howard: Maybe if you were helping, you'd feel better about yourself. Leonard: I deliberately tried to sabotage Stuart's date with Penny. Raj: Of course you feel terrible. You completely screwed up your karma, dude. Sheldon: You don't really believe in that superstition, do you? Raj: It's not superstition. It's practically Newtonian. For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction. Leonard pretends to be a friend and acts like a two-faced bitch, therefore, he is reborn as a banana slug. It's actually a very elegant system, you know, what goes around comes around. Howard: Speaking of what goes around comes around... Raj: Okay, look. Instead of trying to reinforce this structure here, what if we just ran another line, bypass it entirely? Sheldon: It won't work. The diameter of the tubing is insufficient. Raj: What if we reposition the collection tank? Sheldon: It won't work. No way to mount it. Howard: Okay, here's an idea. What if I change my name and go live with my cousin and her husband Avi in Israel? Sheldon: That could work. Scene: Outside Penny's door. Leonard knocks, Penny answers in her dressing gown. Leonard: Morning. Penny: Morning. What's up? Leonard: Nothing. We just pulled an all-nighter trying to fix a zero-gravity... pasta maker. I'm gonna make a coffee run. Do you want any? Penny: Oh, no, thanks. I have coffee. Leonard: Great. So how'd it go with Stuart last night? Penny: I really don't want to talk about it. Leonard: Yeah. Right. Sure. The thing is, before you guys went out, I spoke to him and... Penny: I said I don't want to talk about it. Leonard: Okay... I just... I kind of... Penny: Look, Leonard, what goes on between me and Stuart is none of your business. So just leave it alone, okay? Raj: If you really want to clean up your karma, go get my freakin' latte. Scene: The apartment. Howard: Hang on, I think I've got this. Help me see if we can wedge this little piece of PVC behind the support rod. Sheldon: You're overestimating the tensile strength of the substructure you're building. Howard: Sheldon, I know what I'm doing. Sheldon: If you knew what you were doing, there wouldn't be a space toilet where my coffee table should be. Raj: Howard, wait. Why don't you use this instead of the PVC to keep the transverse filter assembly in place? Howard: Because this is not a spare part from the space station. This is the thing from the pizza box that keeps the lid from touching the cheese. Raj: That what that's for? In India, the lid just touches the cheese. Of course, we also have rampant poverty and periodic outbreaks of cholera, so a little cardboard in our cheese is no biggie. Howard: Where are you going? Leonard: Comic book store. Sheldon: Oh, an excellent idea! I could certainly use a break. Raj: Me, too. Howard: Hold on, you can go to the comic book store when man can once again safely poop in space. Sheldon: Why does Leonard get to go? Leonard: 'Cause he's upset over his situation with Penny and if I have to hear about it again, I'm going to kick him in his ovaries. Leonard: Thanks for understanding, Howard. Howard: I got your back, sister. All right, I think we've got a prototype ready to test. Hand me that Tupperware. Raj: Wow, that's heavy. Howard: Damn right it's heavy, it's my mother's meat loaf, it's been testing toilets for generations. Sheldon: I must say, Howard, I think a detailed letter to MIT describing your current circumstances might entitle you to a refund on your master's degree. Howard: Okay, simulated zero-gravity human waste disposal test with meat loaf analog in three, two, one. (Switches flush. Meatloaf hits ceiling.) Sheldon: Fascinating. Raj: What do you think the problem is? Howard: Not enough bread crumbs. Scene: The comic book store. Leonard: Hey, Stuart, I need to talk to you. Stuart: Sure, what's up? Leonard: I think I gave you bad advice about Penny, and I want to apologize. Stuart: No, your advice was great. Leonard: It was? Stuart: Yeah, going slow really worked. Leonard: You're kidding. Never worked for me. Stuart: Yeah, last night at dinner, I did what you told me, I went really slow, I kept my distance, and two bottles of wine later, we were making out in my car. Leonard: Wine? I didn't say to give her wine. Stuart: It doesn't matter, that's where it all went to hell. Leonard: During the kissing? What did you do, sneeze in her mouth? I did that to a girl once. Stuart: No, everything was good and really hot, and I said "Oh, Penny," and right where she was supposed to say, "Oh, Stuart," she said... your name. Leonard: Leonard? Stuart: That is your name, right? Leonard: Yeah, no, yeah, wow, I'm sorry. That must've been the last thing you wanted to hear. Stuart: Well, it beats you know I'm a dude, right? Yeah, it was pretty bad. Leonard: No doubt, no doubt. Okay, well, I'm sorry it didn't work out. Stuart: Not your fault. Leonard: Yeah, how about that? See you soon. Stuart: Yeah, sure. Scene: The apartment. Howard is on the phone. Howard: Yes, sir, I understand classified. We'll keep it all classified, no one has to know but you and me. Penny: What's classified? Leonard: Howard's space toilet. I'll tell you later. Howard: Well, they've deployed our solution. Let's just all hope it works. Sheldon: I don't see why I have to worry. My career's not hanging in the balance. That was a joke. It's funny, because it's true. Penny: Leonard, could you pass the soy sauce, please? Leonard: I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Penny: Yeah, I said Leonard. Leonard: Yes, you did, didn't you? Penny: What the hell is that? Howard: Meatloaf. Leonard: What was it doing on the ceiling? Howard: That's classified. Scene: The International Space Station. Voice: Houston, International Space Station. We have a little situation up here. We'd like to make an unscheduled space walk. Houston: ISS, Houston. Which crew members would be involved in this E.V.A.? ISS voice: Houston, we'd all like to step outside for a few minutes. Houston: ISS, I'm afraid we can't authorize that. ISS voice: Uh, Houston, this is more of an FYI call. We are basically out the door.

Howard celebrates the launch of his latest invention, a zero-gravity human-waste disposal system (a space toilet) to be used in the ISS, by buying all of his friends new comic books. However, later Howard discovers he made a mistake that will cause the toilet to fail and burst after 10 flushes, so the guys convene to try and fix it (a la Apollo 13's Ken Mattingly), working for a whole night to find a solution and even testing the toilet with meatloaf from Howard's mother, all thewhile he treats it like it's a classified weapon. At the end of the episode, the ISS astronauts report to NASA that they are all going on an unscheduled "spacewalk", implying that Howard ultimately failed. At the comic book store, Stuart tells Leonard that he is having a second date with Penny and asks for advice. Leonard deliberately avoids Stuart for as long as possible, and finally gives him bad advice. The next day, Leonard feels guilty and goes to apologize to him. Stuart reveals the date went well until they started making out in his car and Penny accidentally called him "Leonard." Leonard is secretly delighted.

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ACT THREE PROFESSOR CRANE'S SELF-DELUSION 101 Scene One - Frasier's apartment. Frasier is asleep on his couch that same evening as Daphne walks in ready to leave. Daphne: Dr. Crane, are you alright? Frasier: Daphne, shh... do you hear that? Daphne: What? Frasier: The sound of a Sherry-free apartment. [Daphne rolls her eyes] I've been basking in it for the last thirty minutes. Right now, I feel like a seafront village after the Vikings have left. The doorbell rings and Frasier jumps off of his couch. Frasier: That must be Niles! [opens the door to Niles] Niles: Frasier. Frasier: [happy:] Niles. I'd offer you a sherry, but I'm fresh out! They slam their chests together, causing them both to stagger a bit. Niles: I can't believe Dad finally came to his senses! Oh, shall we attempt a high-five? Frasier: Well no, not after what happened last time - your watchband got caught in my hair. Niles: What a relief to finally have things back to normal. Frasier: Yes. Daphne creeps up behind him and greets him in her American accent: Daphne: Hey there, Dr. Crane! How's tricks? Niles turns round and gives a startled scream which even knocks Daphne back a bit. Daphne: I'm trying my American accent. Niles: Well, stop it! I mean, we Americans are sensitive about our... crude speech patterns. Daphne: [reverts back to Manchester:] I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend. Niles: No, no it's quite alright. You have a real flare for accents. Just out of curiosity, have you ever tried a saucy French chamber maid? Frasier: Niles! [with hands tells him to quit] Niles: Frasier's just been telling me how well Dad's been taking the break-up with Sherry. Daphne: Yes, a little too well if you ask me! Frasier: Daphne, we had this discussion already - he's fine! Daphne: He's in a lot more pain than he's letting on. You just don't see it because you like having your apartment back. Frasier: Leave the complex analysis to the professionals! Martin comes in. Martin: Oh hi, Niles. Feel like going to the movies with me and Daphne? Niles: Oh thanks, but I have plans. Listen Dad, I'm sorry to hear about you and Sherry Martin: Oh, that's alright. There's nothing to be sorry about. It was kind of fun to go back to my old bachelor days. Yeah, don't worry about me. Easy come, easy go. Do you want a blowmaker? Niles: No, thanks. Martin: [nearly all in a sentence:] More for me, I should bake a few of those for the movies, you know- Daphne: Mr. Crane... Martin: Come on, I'm only kidding. No, it's kind of fun to laugh at things again. That was the problem with Sherry: she had no sense of humor, just a real stick in the mud, you know? Well hey, we better get going, don't want to be late - I'll get the elevator! [exits] Daphne: [sarcastic, to Frasier:] Well, what's your diagnosis now? Frasier: It's a clearcut case of Post-Sherry Euphoria! A bell is heard from the kitchen as Daphne leaves. Frasier: Oh, there's my canap s. Niles: Oh, right. Date number two. I'll be off as well. You can fill me in tomorrow. Frasier: You'll get a full debriefing - [chuckles] As, hopefully, will I. Niles grits his teeth and leaves as Frasier prepares his food. Frasier: [brings food in and talks to Eddie:] Alright, young animal: learn from the master! Now, bottle these time-honored traditions, and you too might get lucky with that young Pekinese peach you've been eyeing in the park. [holds up a CD:] Now, for mood: Vivaldi. And then, for lighting: not so bright as to show the wrinkles, not so dark as to make her think you're hiding anything. [plays with the lights as the doorbell goes:] Oops, and leaving nothing to chance: [holds up wine bottle] Pouisse Fuisse 1992 - elector a la carte. [tastes it:] Dear God, I could teach a course! Frasier opens the front door to Adair. Frasier: Adair. Come in, may I take your coat? Adair: [enters, takes off her coat:] Thank you. It's so nice of you to have me over. I hope you didn't go to any trouble. Frasier: Oh, nothing special. Adair: I guess I feel so strange. I mean, one night I'm at Dr. Frasier Crane's house for a benefit - two days later I'm back at his house for a date. Frasier: Well, there's one thing I've learned - that life is nothing without spontaneity. Frasier spontaneously switches on the Vivaldi music, making Adair wonder what happened. Frasier: Come and have a look at the city. [points to window] Adair: [taken aback:] Oh, what a lovely view. I didn't fully appreciate it the other night. Frasier: [staring at her:] My sentiments exactly. She turns and smiles at him, understanding very well. Frasier: Here, a glass of wine. [hands it to her] Here we are. To... Possibilities. They clink glasses and take a drink. Adair: I wonder if I can see my apartment from here? Frasier: Well, if you can, don't tell me. I have a telescope and I'm not to be trusted! [laughs] Adair: Funny, charming... next thing I'm going to find out that you're a great cook. Frasier: Well, [modest:] don't get your hopes up! [showing her his prepared meal:] Duck confit. As Frasier begins to toot his own trumpet the doorbell sounds. Frasier, off his stride, runs to answer it to Sherry. Sherry: Hello, Frasier. Frasier: [worried] Sherry. Er, my father's not here right now. I'll tell him you stopped by. Sherry: Oh wait, I just came by to pick something up. Frasier: Well, why don't you tell me what it is, I'll have it messengered over tomorrow. Sherry: [upset:] It's my banjo! Can't I have it? Frasier: Alright, listen, I'm on a date here. So just try to make it quick. Sherry: Okay. [to Adair:] Hi, how are you? Frasier: [worried:] She's fine, we're fine, go on. Frasier ushers her out of the room to Martin's bedroom. Frasier: Father's ex-girlfriend. [laughs] Well, where were we? Adair: Let me just say that this duck is superb. And the way the wine compliments it and the music... I'm guessing you entertain often? Frasier: Well, no, actually. I'm really rather lonely. Tell you what, take my telescope home, you can see for yourself. [laughs with her] Sherry reappears from the bedroom with Banjo in tow. Sherry: Got the banjo. Frasier: Oh well, yes, okay, bye-bye. Sherry: Bye, Frasier. [to Adair:] It was nice seeing you again. Adair: I'm sorry, have we met? Sherry: Well, yes, on your date last night. Kimberly, isn't it? Adair: [confused:] No... Frasier: [to Sherry:] Well you got what you came for, off you go... Sherry: I'm sorry hon', but she does look just like the other girl, and besides you were playing the same makeout music- Frasier: Alright, off you go! [pushes her out] Frasier puts on a brave face as he offers more wine to Adair. Frasier: Some more wine? Adair: Two dates in two nights isn't bad for someone who's lonely. Frasier: My God, you could hardly call what happened last night a date. The woman who organised the benefit came by, she just dropped in to say thank you. Adair: Wait a minute. You mean Kimberly Egan? She broke up my first marriage! Frasier: Well, I hardly know the woman, she spent all of ten minutes here! Adair: I'm not going through this again. [gets her coat] Frasier: Adair! Listen, listen, this is all in your mind! I mean, we spent one night together, she means nothing to me! Adair: [hateful:] Gee, where have I heard that before?! Adair slams the door behind her as Frasier looks around feeling sorry for himself. Eddie again runs up to the table and stares. Frasier: [same tone as before] Go ahead! Eddie gets onto the table and eats the meal. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Caf Nervosa. The following afternoon Frasier and Niles are chatting about recent events at the window seat of the caf . Frasier: So, for the second time in two nights Sherry manages to chase away another date! She's like a scarecrow in the cornfield of my love life! Niles: I don't know how many more of your disastrous love stories I can hear. I'll say "when." Roz enters the Caf wearing a most beautiful green sequined dress. Her hair is tied up sexily behind her head and her makeup has been applied meticulously. She is looking for someone as she chats to the two. Roz: Hello. Niles: You look like an almost presentable version of someone who works with my brother. Roz: Bite me! Niles: Oh, it is you. Roz: [sitting saucily:] You haven't seen my high school friend John around here, have you? Frasier: Well no, we haven't, Roz. I suppose you finally tracked him down? Roz: Yeah, I'm meeting him here for coffee. I'm going to tell him I'm on my way to a chic cocktail party. This is the "Roz" I want him to talk about when he goes to that wedding this weekend. Frasier: The vain, neurotic, lying Roz? A Waitress comes over. Waitress: Oh, are you Roz? Roz: Yes. Waitress: There was a call for you from a John Coughlin; he said he's sorry that he can't meet you but he had to take an earlier flight. Roz: Oh, great! Waitress: Roz Doyle, right? Roz: Yeah. Waitress: Sorry, you don't look anything like he described on the phone. The waitress leaves as Roz falls back into the chair. Roz: All right, before I do anything crazy - like, go to the airport, fly to Wisconsin and crash a wedding - did I really look that bad the other day? Sherry enters before either of them get the chance to answer. Sherry: Hiya, guys. Frasier: Oh hi, Sherry. Sherry: [to Roz:] Gee, you look familiar. Did I see your older sister in here the other day? Oh, she must be jealous of you! Roz gets up and exits the Cafe: Roz: [o.s.:] TAXI! Sherry sits next to Frasier. Sherry: Mind if I join you? Frasier: Oh, of course not. Sherry: I was hoping that I'd catch you here. Well, I've been thinking about what happened yesturday between your dad and me and well, I just can't figure it out. One minute we were having a stupid argument about chopsticks and the next minute we were broken up. Well, I hate to put you on the spot like this, but did he say anything to you? Frasier: Well, not really. You know how closed up Dad is. Well, he did say that the breakup was a long time coming. Sherry: Now I really am confused! I mean, I thought everything was going fine. Well, better than fine... Ah, the other night we both said "I Love You" for the first time. Niles: You did? Sherry: Yes. Niles: It's just that in the past he's been rather reserved about expressing himself that way. Sherry: Well, I guess he sort of hesitated before he said it, but, I mean, a lot of guys do that when you spring it on them for the first time. Frasier: Yes, well I certainly can tell why you're confused. Well... if you'd like, I could speak to him on your behalf. [Niles kicks him under the table] Ow! Niles: Oh, I'm sorry, is that your shin? Sherry: No thanks, Frasier, I don't want to put you in the middle of this. I'm just frustrated. Listen, er, thanks for listening. Frasier: Of course. Niles: Anytime. Sherry: Well ,I really thought I'd hit the jackpot with Marty. It isn't easy finding someone you think the world of. [to Frasier:] Oh, I know, you go tom-catting around with a different girl every night, but you can't find happiness that way. Frasier: I haven't so far. Sherry leaves. As soon as she's gone, Frasier kicks Niles hard in the shin. Niles: OW! I didn't kick you that hard. Frasier: You didn't have to kick me at all! Niles: Well, were you seriously considering playing couples' therapist with Dad and that woman, after we just got rid of her? Frasier: I have no intention in repairing the rift. God, last night for the first time in months I wasn't jolted awake at two a.m. by her rousing rendition of "Funky Mountain Breakdown"! It seems a little odd that Dad chose to break up with Sherry just after he told her he loved her. Niles: As I recall she said, "hesitantly said it back to her." To me that's a clear picture of a man who didn't share her feelings. Frasier: Yes, well I think he does share her feelings. He just panicked out of fear. Niles: Fear of what? Frasier: Well, lots of things: change, commitment, becoming vulnerable to someone again. I'm just afraid he broke up with her for all the wrong reasons. Niles: Well, if he'd like a list of the right reasons it's available on request. Frasier: The least I can do is have a talk with him. Niles: No, the least you can do is nothing. Dad hasn't asked for our help. You should just let nature take its course. [getting an idea:] It's like one of those wildlife films with the lion chasing down the antelope. You don't ask why the photographer doesn't interfere - you just accept it! Frasier: [annoyed] As a general rule Niles, the photographer is not related to the antelope! Niles: Obviously you and I don't see eye to eye. [Frasier gets up to leave:] Where are you going? Frasier: I have a date in forty-five minutes, and a bleeding antelope sitting in a Baracalounger in my apartment! Frasier leaves as the waitress is handing a drink to a neighboring table. She overhears this strange part of the conversation. Niles, overridden with jealousy, decides it's the perfect opportunity to try his flirting skills. Niles: I suppose that sounded strange to you - I'd be happy to explain it. Are you by any chance free at the end of your shift? Waitress: [half embarrassed, half laughing:] Sorry. [walks away] Niles: I've still got it! He slowly punches a fist into the air. The fist droops as he realizes how awful he really is. END OF ACT THREE [SCENE_BREAK] ACT FOUR HE COULDN'T HAVE WAITED 'TILL HE GOT INTO THE HOUSE Scene One - Frasier's Apartment. That evening Frasier is riding the elevator to his apartment. He gets shuffly and begins taking his belt off in order to tuck in his shirt. However, he remembers Daphne's little friend. Frasier: Not so fast, Mr. Hicks. You won't find me doing anything foolish. He opens his umbrella over his head. He is very proud of what he has done until he finds how hard it is to adjust his shirt with one hand. By the time the elevator comes to a stop on his level his trousers are halfway down his legs. And guess who's waiting to be taken down: Daphne. Frasier: [shuffling out, still holding the umbrella over his head] Daphne. Daphne: Hello, Dr. Crane. Enjoy your evening. Frasier: Yes, you too. She enters the lift and presses a button. Daphne: [to the camera:] He's been under a lot of stress lately. Frasier enters the kitchen of his apartment where Martin is eating nibbles. Frasier: Oh Dad, listen, I'm glad you're home. We've gotta talk. Martin: I can't think which conversation started that way! Frasier: We have to talk about you and Sherry. Martin: Why? Look, I'm fine with it. Come on now, let it go. He enters the main room - Frasier follows. Frasier: Dad, listen, I spoke with Sherry today. Martin: You did what? What for? Frasier: Well, she came to see me. She was a bit confused about what happened the other day and well, from her story, I think what you're contending with here is a classic case of panic induced by fear of commitment. Martin: Did you hear that, Eddie? That's who buys your dog food! Frasier: Yes, well she also told me about a little incident that took place the other evening, where she expressed her feelings for you and you hesitantly reciprocated. Martin: Oh jeez, she told you about that? Look, to cut it short: she told me how she felt about me, I said it back, but I only said it because I felt I had to. That's not really what I feel, so, end of story. The doorbell sounds and Frasier tries to usher Martin away. Frasier: Well, listen Dad, there's my date. I'm sorry for butting into your life but I happen to be concerned about you. You may find it hard to believe but your welfare happens to be very important to me. Frasier pushes Martin into the kitchen before switching on his Vivaldi. Frasier opens the door to Sherry. He quickly turns off the music as Martin sees who it is. Sherry: Hi, Frasier. Frasier: Ah, Sherry. Sherry: Hi, Martin. Martin: Hey. Sherry: You left your Sinatra tape in my car. Martin: Oh thanks, I've been looking for that. Sherry: Well, there you go. [places it on table] Bye. Martin: So long. She leaves and Frasier goes back to his Spanish inquisition. Frasier: I saw that, Dad! I saw the way you looked at her. You can't convince me you don't feel the same way about her that she does about you! Martin: I appreciate what you're doing, I really do, but STOP! Frasier: Alright, fine, it's your life. I wouldn't interfere. As Martin exits to his bedroom as Frasier decides to interfere anyway and steps out into the corridor to get back Sherry. Frasier: Wait, can you just stay for a few minutes? I think I can straighten this whole thing out. Sherry: Oh, it sure didn't look like he wanted to. Frasier: Yes, well he's just being his stubborn, ornery self. Sherry: I do miss that! Frasier: Alright, I'll just go and talk to him. Stay here. However, just as Frasier's about to go back in, Frasier's third date comes up on the elevator. Leslie: Frasier. Frasier: Oh, Leslie. Leslie: Sorry, I'm a little early. Sherry: Way to go, Fras'! Frasier: [worried:] Oh, dear God. Sherry, this is Leslie; Leslie, Sherry. Leslie, come on in. [she does] Sherry: Frasier, can I use the girl's room? Frasier: No! [Leslie looks at him] Oh, no... need to ask. Sherry enters the powder room as Frasier takes Leslie's coat. Frasier: May I take your coat? Yes, [takes it] there we are. You see, Sherry is my father's lady friend and they're going through a bit of a rough patch. If you'll excuse for just a moment, I have to talk with him. Just a minute... Leslie: No, take your time. I can always chat with Sherry! Frasier: No, no. I mean, look at this fabulous sunset, isn't that something? Leslie: [at window:] Wow. Even more stunning than I remembered. Frasier: [staring at her:] Yes, it is! Excuse me for a minute... [remembers:] Oh wait, some wine? As before he holds the glass to her and they clink: Frasier: To... [getting bored:] possibilities. Martin enters the room from his bedroom - walking to the kitchen. Frasier: Oh, Dad. Martin: Oh, don't worry, I won't get in the way. I'll just go grab a beer! Frasier: Oh, no trouble at all, Dad. Martin enters the kitchen as Frasier rushes with him. Frasier: Dad, you and Sherry... Martin: [had enough:] Oh jeez, I don't believe this! Frasier, it's over. She's gone, she's out of my life! However she comes back into his life when he sees her coming out of the powder room. Martin: What the hell's she doing here? Frasier: She came in to borrow the powder room, I'll be right back. To avoid Sherry and Leslie chatting Frasier pops back out again. Frasier: How's everything out here? Sherry: Fine, how's everything in there? Frasier: Fine, fine. I think I just need a few more minutes. Leslie: [to Sherry:] Are you through with the powder room? Sherry: Oh sure, it's all yours! Leslie enters the powder room. Sherry: Frasier, take all the time you need. I'll entertain your friend. Frasier: [laughing worriedly:] Oh, what and miss this fabulous sunset? Sherry: [at window:] Oh yeah, look at that! I forgot how beautiful it is. Frasier: So it is! Now very scrambled, Frasier hands a glass of wine to Sherry. Frasier: Here we go, to possi- oh, what am I doing?! He just pushes Sherry out onto the balcony instead. Frasier: [shouting:] Two minutes, no more! Leslie opens the powder room door, confused. Frasier: Oh, not you, Leslie. She reenters the powder room as Frasier runs into the kitchen to his father. Martin: Look, I don't know what you're doing. But you go right back out there and get rid of her. Frasier: Dad, I am not trying to torture you. Martin: Well, then you're doing a bad job. Frasier: Alright, listen, I'm still a bit confused about something, maybe you can help me understand it. You said that you don't have any feelings for this woman. Alright then, fine. Why is it for the last three months you've been happier than since my mom died? Martin: Hey, you just leave your mother out of this! Frasier: I didn't mean to bring her into this. That's not what I'm talking about... [realises:] Dad, is that what this about? Mom? Martin: No! Alright? Frasier: Listen, I'm a psychiatrist. Martin: Well, I don't need a psychiatrist and I don't need your help! Frasier: Dad, that is just classic defensive... They carry on arguing until Martin picks up a dinner plate and smashes it against the counter. They look at each other with guilt. In the living room, Leslie is now sitting on the couch and looks up at the noise. Frasier sticks his head out. Frasier: Excuse me, butterfingers! He goes back to Martin. Frasier: Now listen, Dad, I do not mean to upset you. I believe that the feelings that you're going through here are feelings of guilt. It's probably natural to feel that way - my God, I understand exactly what you're going through. Martin: No, you don't, no you don't. You don't understand at all: when you've been married for thirty-five years, you never thought there could be someone else, and one day you hear yourself say, "I love you" to another woman, maybe then you'll understand what I'm going through. Frasier: Dad, there was a time after my first marriage was breaking up, I was talking to Mom. She said to me, "Frasier, you've got to promise me you're not going to give up." I said, "Mom, please, the last thing I want to hear is a bunch of clich s, and that we're all put on the earth to love each other, and how it's certainly possible for the human heart to love more than one person." I said, "Alright, Mom, give me one good reason to ever let myself fall in love again." She said, "Because I said so and I'm your mother!" Martin: [smiles:] Yeah, but it sure doesn't help reminding me what a great lady she was. Frasier: Well, does it help to remind you that Sherry's a pretty great lady too? God, dad, she makes you happy. Niles and I would give anything to have what you have. Well, not WHAT you have but what you HAVE. Martin: Yeah, she's a pretty great lady, isn't she? I don't know, she'd probably be better off with some guy who isn't going through all this. Frasier: Well, don't you think you should let her decide that? He takes these words and slowly walks up to the balcony. Sherry is on the balcony overlooking Seattle as Marty enters. Martin: Hiya. Sherry: [emotionally:] Hi. Martin shuts the door as Frasier comes out into the living room. He and Leslie watch the two embrace, happy together at last with the whole city at their feet. Frasier: Well, it looks like those two could use a little privacy. You mind if I take you to the restaurant a little early? Leslie: I think that's a good idea. Frasier: We can finish off the wine later... not that we're coming back here... not that I'm obverse to that, of course... I mean, if you're in the mood for a night count.... a nightcap! Leslie: Well, it looks like your dad and his girlfriend are patching things up. Frasier: [getting coat:] Yes. Gee, I can't thank you enough for being tolerant about the time delay. Leslie: [laughs] Frasier: You'd be surprised, lately women just fly into rages of intolerance under the slightest provocation.... Sherry and Martin enter from the balcony. Sherry: Wait, Leslie. Before you go, I just want to say something. Frasier: [to Leslie:] Oh, good Lord, step lively! Sherry: Listen, you are a lucky girl to be with someone as sweet as Frasier. He just did a real nice thing for his dad and me. Frasier: Thank you, Sherry. [precarious:] Off we go! Martin: We'll ride down with you, we're going down the street to get a little Chinese. Leslie: Why don't we give you a lift? Frasier: No! I mean, don't you think the walk would do them good? Leslie: But I think it's starting to rain! [looks out window] Come on, ride with us. Sherry: [laughs:] Oh, you're such a doll. As they all head out the door: Sherry: Leslie, what do you do? Leslie: Oh, I'm a dermatologist. Sherry: Good news, Frasier! If you get lucky tonight she might just look at that rash of yours! Frasier: [resigned:] Yes... Sherry: Oh, that reminds me of a great joke.... They shut the door. After a few seconds Frasier walks back in. Frasier: Hold the elevator, will you? [calls:] Eddie! Eddie runs into the room and jumps straight onto the table to eat the food a third time. Frasier: Well, you could at least act surprised! Frasier exits as Eddie finishes it off. END OF ACT FOUR [Time: 43:00] [SCENE_BREAK] Caf Nervosa - the next day. Frasier and Niles are chatting at the counter about last night's disaster. This time Niles has a date, a pretty brunette who walks in and sits with him as Frasier leaves. However, while Frasier is leaving the Caf he spots Sherry. He begins chatting with her and ushers her over to Niles's table. Niles ends up giving his seat to Sherry. His date looks somewhat bewildered by it all. He gets up to get coffee from the counter and hits Frasier on the arm, who shrugs.

Conclusion. Sherry (Marsha Mason) intrudes on Frasier's romantic life---and then appears to be out of his life entirely after a breakup with Martin.

fd_The_Office_09x12

fd_The_Office_09x12_0

Dwight: Gotta clear out these file cabinets people, a lot of these are dead accounts. "Scranton Mimeograph Corp?" I don't think we're doing business with them any time soon. That's odd. A letter from Robert Dunder. "A valuable artifact has come into my possession. I have hidden it until such time as a person of strong intellect may safely recover it. This golden chalice is of immeasurable historical and religious significance." The Holy Grail. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [on phone]: Did you send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail? Jim: I think I'm a little too busy these days to s--- [whispering] Oh ,my God. I did send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: The Dunder Code! I completely forgot about that prank. That had to be like six or seven years ago. Stayed late every night for a month. Had a lot more free time back then. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: I don't get it. Dwight: Aha! A lightbulb. Kevin: A lightbul-- Dwight: A lightbulb. Okay. Okay. [holding note over lamp] Invisible ink. Kevin: Whoa. Dwight: "Higher than numbers go." The ceiling above accounting! Angela: Dwight! Down, Dwight! Dwight! Jim: [on phone]: Man, I wish I was there to see his face when he gets to the end ... [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: ...and finds the... fake grail? No grail? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: You don't remember? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I don't. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: An "X." Oscar: Annex. It must open something in the annex. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Oh. Kevin: Whoa. Dwight: "Sedes introiti." Seat of entrance. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [shouts while cutting up seat cushion - gasps upon finding playing cards] Pete: What? Oscar: What? Kevin: That's a flush. [SCENE_BREAK] All: [murmuring as Dwight holds up toy forklift] All: The warehouse. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [on phone to Jim] There's nothing down here. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Oh, I expected more from young Halpert. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Let's just forget it. Forget it. [warehouse worker dips donut into golden chalice] [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: So, how are we getting on with our grand social media initiative? Erin: Well, we created a fake profile for a really cool guy named Derek McBlack. Nellie: Wow. Erin: It's just Pete in sunglasses. Nellie: Oh. Erin: And then we had him "Like" Dunder Mifflin. Pete: Then we created a bunch of fake friends for Derek, and we had all of them "Like" Derek's "Likes." Erin: So far, we're only popular with imaginary people, but we think this is the start of something big. Nellie: You two are geniuses. And I am a genius putting you two together. Erin: All right. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Pete and I work well together -- not that there's anything special about Pete. It could be any guy... or girl-- not that I'm into girls. Not that I'm into Pete. Ugh! What was the question? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey. Co-worker: Hey Jim. Peter Rowley at Bridgeport Capital requested a meeting at lunch. Jim: Okay. Can we keep it on the early side, though? I got that thing in Scranton later. Co-worker #2: Uh sure. No problem. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Cece's ballet recital is today. I cannot wait. I've been working with her on her move. It's called the Cece Spin and Kiss. Do you want to see it? It's kind of like this. It's pretty cute, right? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Pfft, "Athlead"? Please. They're too lazy to call it Athletes Lead? Jim should just call it "Stumpany," for "Stupid Company." Darryl: Nothing stupid about working for yourself. Hanging out with pro athletes, getting free tickets to the games. That's why I'm doing it. Dwight: You're working for "Stumpany" too? Darryl: Yeah, just weekends for now, but pretty soon, I'm switching over. Dwight: What? Darryl: Yep. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [on phone] Hey, Halpert, what's the big idea? First you jump ship. Now you're stealing Darryl too. When will it end? Jim: Well, take your worst fear and multiply it by infinity. Dwight: You won't stop until you've poached us all. Jim: Yeah. Even you. Dwight: No. I'll be damned if I'm gonna let us lose me. Jim: Bye, Dwight. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hi. How are ya? Good to see you. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey, Angela? Did you hear about the Irish-American Cultural Center mural? Kevin: Ooh, I haven't heard it. So, what about the Irish-American Cultural Center mural? Potato? Pam: Oh, no, Kevin, it's not a joke. Angela's husband put me up for a-- um, just never mind. Angela: I have no information. But I'm sure as soon as they know, they'll call you. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Senator Lipton helped me submit my design for a new mural on a building downtown. Now I'm just waiting to hear from the selection committee. But, you know, let's be realistic. There are a ton of great artists in Scranton with way more experience. I mean, who are they gonna go with -- some nobody like me or a big name like Tracy Fleeb? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Well, I'm heading out to Cece's dance recital. Oscar: Aw. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey, Cece, Daddy's gonna have dinner with us tonight after he comes to your recital. Are you excited? Cece: Yeah. Pam: Let's call him. [line trilling] Jim: Hey. I was just about to call you. Pam: Hey, Hon, are you close? Jim: I am still in Philly, actually. Pam: What? Jim: It's insane. This huge investor got cold feet, so I'm stuck here trying to keep him on board. Pam: Hon, I wish you would have told me an hour ago, when you knew you weren't gonna make it. Jim: Pam, I couldn't get out. I barely made it out just to make this phone call. Cece: I want Daddy. Jim: You're gonna do great. And you know what? Mommy's gonna record it. So we'll watch it together. Do you mind doing that, Pam? Pam: Of course. Jim: Okay. Are you sure you know how to do video on the phone? Pam: Yes, Jim, I think I know how to point a rectangle at something. Jim: Okay, okay, you know, just sometimes you're not the best with the phone. Pam: I know how to operate my phone, okay? Listen, we're getting close. We will talk to you later. Say, "Bye, Daddy." Cece: Bye, Daddy. Jim: Bye. [pause] Yep. See, you've still got to press "End," Pam. Cece: Press "End." [SCENE_BREAK] Pete: Oh, check it out. This is our first real "Like." Erin: Oh, my gosh! Pete: Oh! All right, Alan Olson from North Dakota. He also likes Hammermill and Georgia Pacific. Erin: Wow. That guy's really into paper. Pete: Yeah. Nellie: Well done, you two. Erin: We did it. Youth task force forever. Pete: Yes. Pete: [doing a series of hand bumps with Erin] Bap, bup, bup, bap. Wait. Did I go first and then you? Erin: No, you go -- okay. Pete: All right, all right.Okay, start over. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh God. Andy has just started to be nice to me, I just sent his girlfriend into the arms of a younger man. "Our social media presence should be hot, hot, hot. Go at it vigorously." I did everything but unzip their pants for them. Oh, God, Nellie. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Hey, everybody. Uh, coffee order is going around -- on me. Just sign your name below. All: [murmuring] Dwight: You're welcome. Phyllis: Wait. This says "Dunder Mifflin Loyalty Pledge"? Dwight: This -- uh, what? Double mocha latte, please? You got it. Just sign your name below. Whatever you want. Oscar: "Loyalty pledge"? Darryl: Come on, Dwight, stop overreacting. I'm getting all my work done here. No customers have complained. Nobody even knows. Dwight: Yeah, we'll see about that. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Bust out your complaint files. I need everything you've got on Darryl since he started working for Jim in the last few weeks. Break it down by keyword, okay? "Infuriating, irresponsible"... Clark: They got us set up with Windows 95, so you're kind of dreaming here. Dwight: Okay, I'm gonna need you to print it out. [dot matrix printer beeping and whirring loudly] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [writing on white board] Customer Loyalty. What is it? Can you hold it in your hand? Can you nudge it with your finger? Can you dump it on a woman? No. Why? Because it's an idea. But what does it mean? Kevin: Ooh, it's when you get a free sandwich after you've already eaten ten sandwiches. Dwight: Not even close. Mr. Romanko has been a client for 20 years. He came in today in a rage. Why? Because of Darryl. Because Darryl was focusing on outside projects and needs to remember his first priority-- the client. Mr. Romanko: I wouldn't say a rage. Darryl: Mr. Romanko, we were a day late on one of your deliveries, but two of our trucks were down for repairs. It's very unlikely it would happen again. Mr. Romanko: Thank you. Thank you. Dwight: No, you're not going anywhere, okay? You are angry, and we are gonna hear you out, all right? Because business is about relationships, and the key to relationships is what, Darryl? L-- Darryl: Loyalty. Dwight: Loyalty. Nellie: Loyalty is exactly right. Dwight: Thank you. Nellie: Yes. I mean, it is everything. Let's all ask ourselves, have we been faithful in our relationships? Stanley: That's none of your damn business. Nellie: Darryl is "dating" Dunder Mifflin. Darryl: Darryl is dating Val... still. Nellie: But he's flirting with Jim's company on the side. And we all know what flirting can lead to. Mr. Romanko: I'm sorry. Do I still need to be here? Dwight: Yes. Nellie: I'm having a bit of trouble understanding the importance of loyalty. So let's-- let's use an example. Take Erin. Erin's boyfriend Andy, is away across the ocean. Dwight: Yeah. Nellie: So is it all right for her to flirt with Creed, for example? Creed: Let's try it out. Nellie: No, let's-- let's-- let's not say Creed. Let's say Mr. X. Angela: Well, I think it would be immoral for Erin to cheat on Andy. Erin: Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't you cheat on Andy? Angela: Yes. And he didn't like it. Phyllis: Does Mr. X know that Erin has a boyfriend, or did Erin keep that from Mr. X? Kevin: Okay, this is really hard to follow. Can we just say Pete because that's the guy that Erin's flirting with? [SCENE_BREAK] Dance Teacher: Ladies and gentlemen, the Little Ladybug Ballerinas. [Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star plays] Ballerinas: One, two, three. [Pam's cell phone ringing] Parent in Audience: Really? Pam: Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. Ballerinas: One, two, three. Pam: [whispering] Hello? Yes, this is Pam Halpert. I got the mural? [Loudly] Oh, my God! Audience: Shh! Pam: [whispering] Um, I'm sorry. I have to go. My daughter's a ladybug. I know that doesn't make any sense. Um, thank you, thank you. Parent in audience #2: You're very rude. Parent in audience #1: Yes, very rude. Pam: Shh! Kids are dancing. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Thank you so much for coming. Darryl and I will be here to serve you for years and years and years and years. [chuckles] So, should we go call Jim and tell him to go screw himself? Darryl: Dwight, look, I'm sorry you're having a hard time with this, okay? Athlead is my future. No disrespect to Dunder Mifflin, but if I can have fun at work, I want that. Dwight: It can't be more fun than selling paper and paper products. Darryl: It can. Dwight: Are you pretending to be crazy, huh? [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: Well, Andy's cute, but he's too vanilla, whereas Pete - he's just one sick dude. I mean, you know this guy likes to get weird. Erin: I'm just gonna say this one more time. Pete and I haven't done anything. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: Yeah right. With slammin' bods like that, they ain't playing checkers. Oscar: People, it's 2013. Erin is a strong, independent woman. Who says she has to end up with any man? Erin: Okay, can everyone please stop speaking for me? Andy is my boyfriend. Pete and I are just friends. And that's the end of it. Right, Pete? Pete: That is correct. Come on, guys, where is this even coming from? Kevin: Your feelings for Erin? Probably your heart... and a little bit your pen1s. All: [groan] Erin: Nellie, you have to shut down the task force. I'm not sure if you need to start a new task force to do that, but please just shut down the task force. Nellie: I suppose that will-- that will be all right, yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: Most relationships eventually die on their own, but sometimes they just need a little pillow over the face. You're welcome, Andy. And you're welcome, my own ass. [SCENE_BREAK] Investor: Listen, I appreciate you taking the time with me. Co-worker: Peter, please. We completely understand your concerns here. Let us just show you the latest projections. Jim? Jim: Uh, Wade actually has those on the road, but he's gonna be calling in with those numbers any second. So just hold on one s-- [cell phone vibrates] Jim: Oh, actually... uh, nope. That is my wife. Again, he'll be calling in any second. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [on phone] Hey, uh, give me a call back when you get a chance. Cece did great, and I want to tell you something. [SCENE_BREAK] Lonnie: Hey boss, you gotta jump on a delivery. Darryl: I don't do that anymore. Lonnie: That's what they told me. Darryl: [sighs] [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: All right, let's get this over with. Dwight: You looking for fun? It just found you! Woo! [laughs] Here we go! Yeah! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Yes, we will be delivering a shipment of paper today, but I will also be delivering you a big shipment of fun! [We are young plays on radio] Darryl: How far is this place? [turns off radio] Dwight: Uh, not far at all, but I thought along the way, we could play some sports. [throws small ball at Darryl] Darryl: Fun. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: Hey, really nice job in that meeting in there. Nellie: Oh, thank you. I don't know, I sort of thought-- Toby: [hugging Nellie] So proud of you, Hon. Nellie: Oh, I don't know. Okay. Toby: I'm just curious though, what do you have against Pete and Erin? Nellie: Well, Andy wrote me a really nice recommendation letter for the adoption agency, and I-- I just sort of felt I owed him one. Toby: Pete's a pretty cool guy, though, and Andy was a terrible lover to Erin. He basically ignored her and left on a boat. Nellie: I didn't really think about it like that. Toby: Yeah, well... Not everybody has what we have. Nellie: "What we have"? Toby: Mm-hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: I just remembered... I kissed that man. Oh, no. Oh, no. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Yes. Fast food. I'll take a burger over a gross Philly cheese-steak any day. Darryl: They have fast food in Philly. Dwight: Not like this. Darryl: Exactly like this. Fast Food Worker: And your milkshake. Dwight: Thank you. Darryl: It's 30 degrees out. You drinkin' a mildshake? Dwight: Nope. [throwing milkshake] Fire in the hole! [laughs] Oh, yeah! Now that's what working at a paper company's all about! [Darryl take keys out of ignition] Dwight: Wait, what you doing? No, I need the k-- We have to go. Darryl: You just threw a milkshake in a restaurant where they make minimum wage. Dwight: It's a youtube thing! Let's go. Let's go. Come on, they're coming. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Anyone want to see the video from Cece's recital? Angela: Oh, I would love to, but I am swamped... with that [picks up piece of paper]. Oscar: I'll watch it. Let's get this over with. Pam: All right, you don't have to. Kevin: Let's get this over with, Pam. Pam: Okay. [sound of applause on phone] Oscar: Oh. Pam: Wait. What? Pam: [recorded on phone] Excuse me, I have to get back to work. Pam: Oh, no. I took a phone call in the middle of taping, and then when I went to turn it back on, I must have turned it off. Oscar: User error. I've heard of that happening to other people. Angela: Oscar, don't rub it in. I'm sure Pam is already kicking herself for choosing a phone call over her child. Pam: Well, it was an important phone call. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I haven't told anyone here about the mural yet. I want Jim to be the first to know. Whenever I tell him good news, he's always like, "Beesly!" I love that. Only thing better than getting the job-- "Beesly!" [chuckles] [SCENE_BREAK] Pete: Hey. Erin: Hello, Peter. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [cleaning up milkshake in restaurant] It barely even feels like a prank anymore. Darryl: You missed a spot. Drive Thru Customer: Fire in the hole! [throwing milkshake] Go! Go! Go! Go! [tires screech] Dwight: Ha ha! Yeah, joke's on you buddy! They make you come back and clean it up! [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: I am sorry that was so awkward for you two in that meeting. But I am going to have to reassemble the youth task force. Erin: Oh, no, I really don't think that's a good idea. Nellie: Well, that is not your call. I made the decision. You have no choice in the matter, and everybody knows it. Pete: Well, okay, then. Erin: I guess we don't have a choice. Nellie: Nope. Pete: yeah. Erin: Yeah. Toby: Lady...you never stop surprising me. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [sighs] Darryl: [clears throat] Dwight: What? What was that? Did I just hear you laughing with glee? Darryl: No. I was clearing my throat. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: Good night. Pam: Night Creed: Night Pam: Night, Creed. [cell phone rings] Pam: Hey. Jim: Hey. Pam: So, how's it going? Jim: We lost Bridgeport Capital. I have no idea what happened. It's like everything I did, he just wouldn't go for it. Pam: I'm so sorry. Jim: I have no idea where we're gonna come up with this money, and we have to work insanely hard over the next few weeks. Pam: [sighs] Oh, I'm sorry. I feel like you've already been working insanely hard. Jim: Can you figure out how to upload Cece's dance recital? I definitely could use a pick-me-up. Pam: Um, actually, funny story -- I didn't get it. I shouldn't have been so cocky about my rectangle-holding skills after all. Jim: You're not serious, are you? You didn't get any of the recital? Pam: No, I got the teacher introducing them and then the applause afterwards. But not so much of the middle part. Jim: Come on, Pam. Pam, I asked you if you could use the phone, and you swore that you knew how. Pam: Yeah, okay, I'm sorry. I'm sure we can get a copy. A lot of people were taping it. Jim: Oh, great. So we'll see somebody else's kid with Cece in the background? I mean, it's really not that hard to film a video. Pam: Is there-- um... you want to ease up a little bit? Jim: Look, Pam, I don't know what to tell you. I mean, what do I do? It's gone. That moment's just gone. I missed it. Pam: I don't know, Jim -- maybe you should have been there. Jim: You're not serious, right? I mean, how is that fair? I'm in Philly. These are my days in Philly. You've agreed to this. Pam: You know what? I-- I-- I don't think you want to start a conversation with me about what's fair. Okay? This is way more intense than I ever -- Jim: Pam, I'm not explaining this to you-- Pam, I'm not going over this again. Co-worker: Jim. We need you. Jim: I don't know how else to tell you, okay? I'm doing everything I can every week to bring home something... Pam: I am-- I am-- I am trying to make everything perfect here, okay? So that you can have everything that you want. Jim: I'm doing this just for me? Is that what I'm doing? I'm doing it just for me. If that's what you think, then this is a really sad night. But you know what? I got to go. Okay? Pam: Yep. Jim: We'll talk tomorrow? Pam: Yep. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Jim: Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Pam: Bye. [quietly crying, sniffling] Brian: Hey, you okay? Pam: What am I doing wrong, Brian? Brian: Nothing. You're doing the best you can. Cameraman: Brian. Brian: Give her a minute. Give her a minute. Pam: [crying] Brian: Hey, it's just a tough situation, all right? Pam: It's getting tougher. I just didn't know that it was gonna be this hard. Brian: Yeah. Let's turn the cameras off. Seriously, guys. Enough. Enough. Pam: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Guy: [on video] Fire in the hole! Go! Go! Go! Go! Darryl: [watching you tube video, laughing] Guy: [on video] I nailed that guy, dude. Oh yeah. Darryl: And replay. Guy: [on video] Fire in the hole! Go! Go! Go! Go! I nailed that guy, dude. Oh, yeah. Darryl: [sighs] I'm gonna miss the paper business.

Jim is forced to miss Cece's first recital after a major investor exits his company. Dwight tries to prevent Darryl from leaving the office. Nellie accidentally outs Pete and Erin. Jim is upset with Pam because of her failure to record Cece's recital, but the argument quickly escalates into a major fight about Jim's business venture. Boom mic operator Brian ( Chris Diamantopoulos ) enters the shot to comfort a distressed Pam.

fd_Doctor_Who_01x09

fd_Doctor_Who_01x09_0

EXT. SPACE The TARDIS hurtles through space. INT. TARDIS ROSE: What's the emergency? THE DOCTOR: It's mauve. Rose and the Doctor rush around the console, as the TARDIS shudders and shakes. ROSE: Mauve? THE DOCTOR: The universally recognized colour for danger. ROSE: What happened to red? THE DOCTOR: That's just humans. By everyone else's standards, red's camp. Oh, the misunderstandings. All those red alerts, all that dancing. He gestures to the object they are following through the Time Vortex on the monitor. THE DOCTOR: It's got a very basic flight computer - I've hacked in, slaved the TARDIS. Where it goes, we go. ROSE: And how safe is it? THE DOCTOR: Totally. Part of the console explodes. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) Okay, reasonably. Should have said reasonably there. EXT. TIME VORTEX The object hurtles through the Vortex. INT. TARDIS THE DOCTOR: Oh, no, no, no, no, no! It's jumping time tracks, getting away from us. ROSE: What exactly is this thing? THE DOCTOR: No idea. ROSE: And why are we chasing it? THE DOCTOR: It's mauve and dangerous. And about 30 seconds from the centre of London. EXT. SPACE The object hurtles towards Earth, with the TARDIS in hot pursuit. OPENING CREDITS EXT. LONDON ALLEYWAY The TARDIS materializes behind some bleak looking houses in London. Rose exits, followed by the Doctor. THE DOCTOR: Do you know how long we can knock around space without having to bump into Earth? ROSE: Five days? Or is that just when we're out of milk? THE DOCTOR: Of all the species in all the universe and it has to come out of a cow. There is a sudden distorted view of something over head as though something is watching them. They walk away from the TARDIS. THE DOCTOR: Must have come down somewhere quite close. Within a mile, anyway. And it can't have been more than a few weeks ago. Maybe a month. ROSE: A month?! We were right behind it! THE DOCTOR: It was jumping time tracks all over the place, we're bound to be a little bit out. Do you wanna drive? ROSE: Yeah... how much is "a little"? THE DOCTOR: A bit. The distorted vision still observes them. ROSE: Is that EXACTLY a bit? THE DOCTOR: Ish. ROSE: What's the plan, then? Are you gonna do a scan for alien tech or something? THE DOCTOR: Rose, it hit the middle of London with a very loud bang. I'm gonna ask. He shows Rose his psychic paper. ROSE (reading it): Doctor John Smith, Ministry of Astroids. THE DOCTOR: Psychic Paper, tells you... ROSE: Whatever you want it to tell me, I remember. THE DOCTOR: Sorry. ROSE: Not very Spock, is it? Just asking? She is watching the Doctor trying to get through a door. THE DOCTOR: Door, music, people. What d'you think? ROSE: I think you should do a scan for alien tech. The Doctor holds his sonic screwdriver to the door. ROSE (CONT'D): Gimme some Spock! For once, would it kill ya? THE DOCTOR: Are you sure about that t-shirt? Rose is wearing a garish Union Jack t-shirt. Rose looks down at it. ROSE: Too early to say. I'm taking it out for a spin. The Doctor continues trying to open the lock with his sonic screwdriver. Rose turns around as she hears an eerie voice. THE CHILD: Muuuu-mmy? Rose looks around for the source of the voice. THE CHILD (CONT'D): Muuuu-mmy? The Doctor cracks the lock. THE DOCTOR: Come on if you're coming. Won't take a minute. He goes through the door. Rose does not follow him, but continues looking around for the child. THE CHILD: Muuuuumy? Rose finally spots the child standing on a roof-top. ROSE (urgently): Doctor? Doctor? There's a kid up there! But the Doctor is already inside. Rose runs to try and find a way onto the roof, watched by the child. INT. DARKENED CORRIDOR The Doctor, follows the sound of the voices and music and a waiter. INT. DRINKING DEN The Doctor finds himself in a crowded drinking den, full of smoke and chatter and a singer. NIGHTCLUB SINGER: " For nobody else gave me the thrill, when I have found I love you still, it had to be you, wonderful you... " EXT. LONDON ALLEYWAY Rose runs up to the building on top of which the child stands. ROSE (shouting to him): Are you all right up there? THE CHILD: Muuuuum-my? Rose runs up the steps that go up the side of the building. INT. DRINKING DEN NIGHTCLUB SINGER: " It had to be you ". She finishes the song. The audience applaud. The Doctor joins the applause as he approaches the stage. THE DOCTOR: Excuse me! Excuse me! (Into microphone). Could I have everybody's attention just for a mo? Be very quick, eh... hello! (Waves cheerily). Eh... might seem like a stupid question, but has anything fallen from the sky recently? Complete silence. The Doctor looks around expectantly. Then, the audience starts to laugh. The Doctor stares around at them all, confusedly. EXT. LONDON ALLEYWAY Rose finishes climbing the steps, but they do not go all the way to the roof-top. The child is standing precariously on the edge. THE CHILD: Mummy? ROSE: Okay, hold on! Don't move! The child looks down at her. Suddenly, a rope swings into sight, going up the side of the building seemingly to the rooftop. Rose takes hold of it. INT. DRINKING DEN The audience is still laughing, and the Doctor is still looking around at them all. THE DOCTOR: Sorry, have I said something funny? The audience laughs still some more. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): It's just, there's this thing I need to find, would've fallen from the sky a couple of days ago. A siren sounds. Immediately, the people start to evacuate the room. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Would've landed quite near here... The Doctor looks up at the ceiling, in the direction from which the sirens seem to be coming. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): With a very loud... Through the crowds of people all clamouring to leave the building, the Doctor notices a poster tacked to the wall, bearing the legend "Hitler will send no warning". THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Bang... He closes his eyes in despair. INT. LONDON ALLEYWAY Rose is now climbing the rope. THE CHILD: Mummy... Rose puffs and pants as she heaves her body up the rope. THE CHILD (CONT'D): Balloon! The rope comes away from the side of the building, Rose still hanging onto it. She looks up, and sees that the rope is in fact hanging down from a barrage balloon. EXT. SKY The barrage balloon drifts away, Rose high in the air. ROSE (terrified): Doctor! Doctor! Doctor! She turns around and sees the German planes dropping bombs on London. ROSE (CONT'D): Okay... maybe not this t-shirt. The planes zoom around her. INT. LONDON ALLEYWAY The Doctor emerges from the drinking den. THE DOCTOR: Rose! He rounds a corner to where the TARDIS is parked. A cat is sitting on top a dustbin. The Doctor turns around and notices it when it meows. He picks it up. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (to the cat): You know... one day. Just one day, maybe... I'm gonna meet someone who gets the whole 'don't wander off' thing. He shakes his head. Behind him, the TARDIS phone starts to ring. Brow furrowed, the Doctor puts the cat down, walks over to the TARDIS and opens the compartment behind which the phone is hidden. He stares at it. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): How can you be ringing? What's that about? Ringing? (Takes his sonic screwdriver out). What am I supposed to do with a ringing phone? A girl, Nancy, has silently come up behind him. NANCY: Don't answer it. It's not for you. The Doctor turns towards her questioningly. THE DOCTOR: And how do you know that? NANCY: 'Cos I do. And I'm tellin' ya, don't answer it. THE DOCTOR: Well, if you know so much, tell me this, how can it be ringing? (Turns back to the phone). It's not even a real phone. It's not connected, it's not... He turns back and Nancy has disappeared. The Doctor pauses, confused, then looks back at the phone. He hesitantly picks it up and holds it to his ear. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Hello? (Silence aside from crackling). This is the Doctor speaking. (More crackling). How may I help you? THE CHILD (on phone): Mummy? The Doctor's skeptical grin fades from his face. THE CHILD: Mummy? THE DOCTOR: Who is this? Who's speaking? THE CHILD: Are you my mummy? THE DOCTOR (forcefully): Who is this? THE CHILD: Mummy? Silence. THE DOCTOR: How did you RING here? This isn't a real phone, it's not wired up to anything, it's... THE CHILD: Mummy? The line goes dead. The Doctor slowly replaces this phone in its cradle. He pokes his head inside the TARDIS. THE DOCTOR: Rose? Rose, are you in there? There is a crashing sound from behind him. Closing the phone compartment, the Doctor runs to follow the sound. He hurries out of the alleyway, and into a street. EXT. GARDEN MRS LLOYD: The planes are coming. Can't you hear them? Into the shelter. None of your nonsense, now MOVE it! Following the sound of the voices, the Doctor stands on top of a dustbin to look over a garden wall. A fat woman is ushering a small boy into a shelter. MRS LLOYD (CONT'D): Come on, come on, get in there. (Turns). Arthur! Arthur! Will you hurry up? Didn't you hear the sirens? A fat man emerges from the house. MR LLOYD: Middle of dinner, every night. Bloomin' Germans. (Yells skywards). Don't you eat? The Doctor smiles. MRS LLOYD: I can hear the planes! MR LLYOD: Don't you eat?! MRS LLOYD: Oh, keep your voice down, will ya? There's an air raid! She pushes him into the shelter, and follows him down there. MRS LLOYD: Get in... there's a war on. MR LLOYD: I know there is... Once they are inside, door closed, Nancy creeps out from behind the shelter and into the back door of the house, unaware that she is being watched by the Doctor. INT. KITCHEN Nancy enters the kitchen where there is an unfinished meal on the table. Looking around, she puts her bag down and opens a cupboard. She begins to take some tins out. EXT. SKY Rose is suspended hundreds of feet above London, carried by the rope hanging down from the barrage balloon. She cries out as the planes whiz past her, holding on for dear life. EXT. BALCONY A uniformed man, Captain Jack Harkness, peers up at Rose through binoculars of an advanced technological design. OFFICER: Get those lights out please! The soldiers begin to clear the room. OFFICER (CONT'D): Come on, down to the shelter. A soldier called Algy approaches Jack, who is still watching Rose through the binoculars. ALGY: Jack? Are you going down to the shelter? Only, I've got to go off on some silly guard duty. (Spots Rose). Ah! Barrage Balloon, eh? Must've come loose. Happens now and then. Don't you RAF boys use them for target practice? Jack zooms in on Rose's bum. JACK: Excellent bottom. ALGY: I say, old man. There's a time and a place. Look, you should really be off. Jack turns to face him. JACK: Sorry, old man. (Laughs, goes inside). I've gotta go and meet a girl. But you've got an excellent bottom too. He slaps Algy's bottom on the way out to emphasise this point. Algy looks rather pleased. INT. KITCHEN Nancy stuffs some things she sees around the kitchen into a bag and leaves the room. INT. HALLWAY Looking into another room, she smiles and goes outside. EXT. STREET She whistles as though calling someone, and then goes back inside. INT. DINING ROOM She takes her coat off and stands next to a table where a full meal has been abandoned. Some children hurry inside. NANCY: Many kids out there? JIM: Eh... yes, miss. The two boys run to the table and make for the food. NANCY: Ah, still carving. Sit and wait. The boys do as they are told. NANCY (CONT'D): We've got the whole air raid. She carves the meat. JIM: Look at that. Bet it's off the black market. NANCY: That's enough. But she smiles. EXT. SKY The planes whizz past Rose, who is still hanging onto the rope. There is an explosion right below her, and she cannot hold on for any longer. She loses her grip and falls, screaming. Suddenly, a blue beam shoots out from somewhere near Big Ben, and Jack's voice emits from the source. JACK: Okay, okay, I've got you. ROSE (scared and surprised): Who's got me? Who's got me, and you know... how? JACK: I'm just programming your descent pattern. Keep as still as you can and keep your hands and feet inside the light field. ROSE: Descent pattern? JACK: Oh, and could you switch off your cellphone? Rose makes disbelieving noises. JACK: No, seriously, it interferes with my instrument. ROSE (fumbling for her phone): You know, no-one ever believes that. She turns it off. JACK: Thank you. That's much better. ROSE (slightly hysterical): Oh, yeah, that's a real load off, that is. I'm hanging in the sky in the middle of a German air raid with the Union Jack across my chest, but hey! My mobile phone's off! Jack laughs. JACK: Be with you in a moment. INT. JACK'S COCKPIT COMPUTER: The mobile communication device indicates non-contemporaneous life form. JACK: She's not from around here, no. EXT. SKY JACK: Ready for you. Hold tight! ROSE: To what?! JACK: Fair point. Rose zooms feet first down the tunnel of blue light, screaming. INT. JACK'S COCKPIT The next moment, Rose is caught by Jack. JACK: I've got you! Rose coughs. JACK: You're fine, you're just fine. The tractor beam, it can scramble your head just a little. Rose suddenly seems to notice how remarkably good-looking he is. She stares at him. ROSE (breathless): Hello. JACK (raising his eyebrows and looking her up and down): Hello. ROSE (still gazing at him): Hello. Jack raises his eyebrows and nods. ROSE (CONT'D): Sorry, that was hello twice there. Dull, but you know, thorough. JACK: Are you all right? ROSE: Fine! Jack sets Rose back on her feet. Rose grins at him. ROSE (CONT'D): Why, are you expecting me to faint or something? JACK: Well, you do look a little dizzy... ROSE: What about you? You're not even focused... Oh boll... Jack laughs. Rose's eyes roll back into her head and she faints into his arms. Jack, still smiling, lifts her onto a bed. EXT. STREET Some more children run down the road into the house where Nancy is serving dinner. They are watched by the masked child. One boy kneels down to tie his shoelace. The child takes a few steps forward, just as the boy finishes tying his shoelace and runs inside the house. The masked child advances towards the door. INT. DINING ROOM There are now several children gathered around the table, waiting for their meal. Nancy cuts the meat. ERNIE: It's got to be black market. He couldn't get all this on coupons. NANCY (severely): Ernie, how many times? We are guests in this house. We will not make comments of that kind. Washing up. The other children laugh at Ernie. ERNIE: Oh, Nancy! Nancy looks at one of the boys sat around the table. NANCY: Haven't seen you at one of these before. ALF (nods at another boy): He told me about it. NANCY: Sleeping rough? ALF: Yes, miss. NANCY: All right then. (Passes plate around). One slice each, and I want to see everyone chewing properly. JIM: Thank ya, miss! ERNIE: Thanks, miss! ALF: Thank you miss. THE DOCTOR: Thanks, miss! Gasping in surprise, the children jump backwards. NANCY: It's all right! Everybody stay where you are! Jim stares at the Doctor in shock, a piece of meat hanging out of his mouth. THE DOCTOR: Good here, innit? Who's got the salt? NANCY: Back in your seats! He shouldn't be here either. The Doctor smiles and helps himself to some sauce. THE DOCTOR: So, you lot... what's the story? ERNIE: What d'you mean? THE DOCTOR: You're homeless, right? Living rough? JIM: Why d'you wanna know that? Are you a copper? THE DOCTOR: Of course I'm not a copper. What's a copper gonna do with you lot anyway? Arrest you for starving? The children laugh, and the ice is broken. THE DOCTOR: I make it 1941, you lot shouldn't be in London. You should've been evacuated to the country by now. ALF: I was evacuated. They sent me to a farm. THE DOCTOR: So why'd you come back? ALF: There was a man there... JIM: Yeah, same with Ernie. Two homes ago. ERNIE: Shut up. It's better on the streets anyway. Better food. JIM: Yeah. Nancy always gets the best food for us. The Doctor smiles at Nancy. THE DOCTOR: So, that's what you do is it, Nancy? NANCY: What is? THE DOCTOR: As soon as the sirens go, you find a big fat family meal, still warm on the table with everyone down in the air raid shelter and, bingo! Feeding frenzy for the homeless kids of London Town. Puddings for all! As long as the bombs don't get you. NANCY: Something wrong with that? THE DOCTOR: Wrong with it? It's BRILLIANT. I'm not sure if it's Marxism in action or a West End musical. The children look confused. NANCY: Why'd you follow me? What d'you want? THE DOCTOR: I want to know how a phone that isn't a phone gets a phone call. You seem to be the one to ask. NANCY: I did you a favour. I told you not to answer it, that's all I'm telling ya. THE DOCTOR: Great, thanks. And I wanna find a blonde in a Union Jack. I mean a specific one, I didn't just wake up this morning with a craving. The children laugh. Nancy, however, does not look impressed. She stands up. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Anybody seen a girl like that? Nancy takes his plate away. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (indignantly): What've I done wrong? NANCY: You took two slices. The children laugh at him. NANCY (CONT'D): No blondes, no flags. Anything else before you leave? THE DOCTOR: Yeah, there is actually. Thanks for asking. Something I've been looking for, would've fallen from the sky about a month ago, but not a bomb. (Takes a notebook from his pocket). Not the usual kind anyway. Wouldn't have exploded. Would've just buried itself in the ground somewhere, and it would've looked something like... (Sketches). This. He shows them a scribbled drawing. Nancy looks at it intently but says nothing. There is a knock on the window. The children gasp. THE CHILD: Mummy? Are you in there, mummy? The Doctor goes to the window and pulls the curtain aside. The child with the gasmask on his face is standing there, knocking. THE CHILD (CONT'D): Mummy? NANCY (urgently): Who was the last one in? ERNIE (gesturing the Doctor): Him. NANCY: Nah, he came round the back. Who came in the front? ALF (whispers): Me. NANCY: Did you close the door? ALF: I... NANCY: Did you close the door? THE CHILD: Mummy? Mummy? His shadow looms outside the front door. THE CHILD (CONT'D): Muuuuum-my? INT. HALLWAY Nancy rushes down the hallway and shuts and bolts the door before the child can get in. She backs away, looking at the shadow of the child outside the door, terrified. The Doctor stands behind her. THE DOCTOR (watching the shadow concernedly): What's this, then? It's never easy being the only child left out in the cold, you know. NANCY: I suppose you'd know. THE DOCTOR: I do actually, yes. He smiles pleasantly at her. NANCY: It's not exactly a child. THE CHILD: Muuum-my? Nancy pushes past the Doctor and goes back into the dining room. INT. DINING ROOM Nancy addresses the children still sitting around the table. NANCY: Right, everybody out, across the back garden and under the fence. They just look at her. NANCY (CONT'D): Now! Go! Move! They all jump out of their seats and run out of the door while Nancy puts her coat on, apart from one little girl. NANCY (CONT'D): Come on, baby. You've got to go. Okay? It's just like a game. Just like chasing. The little girl jumps out of her seat. NANCY (CONT'D): Take your coat, go on. The little girl runs after the other children. NANCY (CONT'D): Go! INT. HALLWAY The Doctor watches them pass, slightly confused. THE CHILD: Mummy? The Doctor takes a few steps towards the door. THE CHILD (CONT'D): Please let me in, mummy. He sticks his hand through the letterbox. He has a scar on the back of his perfectly ordinary little hand. THE CHILD (CONT'D): Please let me in, mummy. THE DOCTOR: Are you all right? THE CHILD: Please let me in. Nancy suddenly throws something against the door, which smashes. The child withdraws his hand. NANCY: You mustn't let him touch ya! THE DOCTOR: What happens if he touches me? NANCY: He'll make you like him. THE DOCTOR: And what's he like? NANCY (steps away): I've gotta go. THE DOCTOR: Nancy, what's he like? They look at each other. NANCY (after a pause): He's empty. The phone rings. The Doctor looks at it. NANCY (CONT'D): It's him. He can make phones ring, he can. Just like with that police box you saw. The Doctor looks at the shadow of the child outside the door, then picks up the phone. THE CHILD (on the phone): Are you my mummy? Nancy snatches the phone off the Doctor and slams it back down. The radio turns itself on. It plays music, but with the child's voice over it. THE CHILD (on radio): Mummy? Please let me in, mummy. The Doctor turns the tuner. He stops when a toy monkey suddenly springs to life. THE CHILD (through monkey): Mummy? Muuum-my, muum-my... The Doctor picks up the monkey and looks at it. NANCY: Stay if you want to. She leaves. THE CHILD (through monkey): Mummy, mummy, mummy... The child sticks his hand through the letterbox again. THE CHILD: Mummy? Let me in please, mummy... The Doctor kneels in front of the door, looking at the scarred little hand with a look of concern on his face. THE CHILD (CONT'D): PLEASE let me in. THE DOCTOR: Your mummy isn't here. THE CHILD (after a pause): Are you my mummy? THE DOCTOR: No mummies here. None be here but us chickens. He looks behind him at the deserted house, then back at the door, grinning. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Well, THIS chicken. THE CHILD: I'm scared. THE DOCTOR: Why are those other child frightened of you? THE CHILD: Please let me in, mummy. I'm scared of the bombs. The Doctor thinks for a moment. THE DOCTOR: Okay. I'm opening the door now. The child withdraws his hand from the letterbox. The Doctor draws back the bolts and opens the door, but the child has disappeared. EXT. STREET The Doctor walks down the path and looks up and down the street, but there is no sign of the child. INT. JACK'S COCKPIT Rose wakes up and gets up off the bed. She looks around at her surroundings. JACK: Better now? ROSE: You got lights in here? Jack, who is sitting in the pilot seat, obligingly turns them on. JACK: Hello. ROSE: Hello. JACK (smiling): Hello. ROSE (also smiling): Let's not start that again. Jack laughs. JACK: Okay. Rose pulls down her t-shirt self-consciously and takes a few steps towards him. ROSE: So, um... who're you supposed to be, then? JACK: Captain Jack Harkness. 133 Squadron Royal Airforce - American Volunteer. He hands her what would appear to be an ID card. Rose looks at it. ROSE: Liar. Jack pauses. ROSE (CONT'D): This is psychic paper. It tells me whatever you want it to tell me. JACK (sitting back, caught out): How do you know? ROSE: Two things. One, I have a friend who uses this all the time. JACK: Ah. ROSE: And two, you just handed me a piece of paper telling me you're single and you work out. Jack leans forward to take it back. JACK: Tricky things, psychic paper. ROSE: Yeah, can't let your mind wander when you're handing it over. She hands it back to him. Jack reads it. JACK: Oh, you "sort of" have a boyfriend called Mickey Smith but you consider yourself to be footloose and fancy free. ROSE (laughing, embarrassed): Wha... JACK: Actually, the word you use is "available". ROSE (grinning): No way... JACK: And another one, "very". ROSE (standing): Shall we uh... try and get along WITHOUT the psychic paper? JACK (also standing): That would be better, wouldn't it? ROSE: Nice spaceship. JACK: Gets me around. ROSE (running a hand along the ceiling) : Very... Spock. She looks at him for a sign of recognition. JACK: Who? ROSE: Guessing you're not a local boy, then. JACK (looking at his wrist device): A cell phone, a liquid crystal watch, and fabrics that won't be around for at least another two decades... guessing you're not a local girl. Rose is now sitting on the pilots seat, examining the spaceship. ROSE: Guessing right. She tries to touch something, but withdraws her hands quickly, gasping with pain. Her hands have burn marks on them. JACK: Burn your hands on the rope? ROSE: Yeah. (Looking out of the window). We're parked in midair! Can't anyone down there see us? JACK: No. Can I have a look at your hands for a moment? Rose sits back down. ROSE: Why? JACK: Please? He sits next her. Rose holds her hands out and he runs a scanner over them. JACK: You can stop acting now. I know exactly who you are. I can spot a Time Agent a mile away. ROSE: Time Agent? JACK: I've been expecting one of you guys to show up. Though, not, I must say, by barrage balloon. Do you often travel that way? ROSE (smiling): Sometimes I get swept off my feet. By balloons. Jack takes his scarf off and wraps it around Rose's wrists. ROSE: What're you doing? JACK: Try to keep still. He finishes binding her hands and leans over her to switch a button over her head. They catch each other's eye, very aware of their proximity. There is a bleeping sound, what look like tiny golden fireflies appear above the wounds on her hands. JACK (CONT'D): Nanogenes. Sub-atomic robots. The air in here's full of them. Rose looks pleasantly amazed as the nanogenes work their magic on the burns on her hands. Jack switches the button again, and they disappear. JACK (CONT'D): They just repaired three layers of your skin. He takes the scarf off her wrists. ROSE: Well, tell them thanks! She laughs. Jack gets up, smiling. JACK: We'll get down to business. ROSE: Business? Jack is now holding a bottle of champagne. JACK: Shall we have a drink on the balcony? Holding her gaze, he presses a button and steps to the roof lower themselves into the spaceship. Jack starts to go up the stairs. JACK (CONT'D): Bring up the glasses. EXT. OUTSIDE BIG BEN He emerges on top of the invisible spaceship, and uncorks the bottle. Rose, looking slightly unsteady, ascends the steps, holding a couple of glasses. They are parked in front of Big Ben. ROSE (laughs nervously): I'm standing on something... Jack chuckles, and then takes a device out of his pocket. He flicks a switch and his spaceship appears under their feet. ROSE (CONT'D): Okay... you have an invisible spaceship... JACK: Yeah... ROSE: Tethered up to Big Ben for some reason... JACK: First rule of active camouflage. Park somewhere you'll remember. He pops the cork out of the bottle with a loud bang. Rose whoops and Jack laughs. Jack fills up their glasses. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. WASTELAND Nancy hurries across the train tracks. She hurries into an outer house and starts taking food out of her bag. She suddenly turns around, when she notices the Doctor standing in the doorway, watching her. NANCY: How'd you follow me here? THE DOCTOR: I'm good at following, me. Got the nose for it. NANCY (suspicious): People can't usually follow me if I don't want them to. THE DOCTOR: My nose has special powers. NANCY: Yeah? That's why it's uh... THE DOCTOR: What? NANCY: Nothing. THE DOCTOR (persistently): What? NANCY (teasingly): Nothing! Do your ears have special powers too? THE DOCTOR (calmly): What're you trying to say? NANCY: Goodnight, Mister. She turns away. THE DOCTOR: Nancy. There's something chasing you and the other kids. Looks like a boy and it isn't a boy, and it started about a month ago, right? Nancy turns back to him. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): The thing I'm looking for. The thing that fell from the sky, that's when it landed. And you know what I'm talking about, don't you? NANCY: There was a bomb. A bomb that wasn't a bomb. Fell the other end of Limehouse Green Station. THE DOCTOR: Take me there. NANCY (shakes her head): There's soldiers guarding it, barbed wire... you'll never get through. THE DOCTOR: Try me! NANCY: You sure you wanna know what's going on in there? THE DOCTOR: I really wanna know. NANCY: Then there's someone you need to talk to first. THE DOCTOR: And who might that be? NANCY: The Doctor. The Doctor's brow furrows. Nancy turns away, and the Doctor gives a quiet, ironic laugh, clearly confused. EXT. OUTSIDE BIG BEN Rose and Jack are sitting on top of the spaceship, drinking the champagne. Rose stands up. ROSE: You know, it's getting a bit late. I should really be getting back. JACK: We're discussing business. ROSE (smiling): This isn't business. This is champagne. JACK: I try never to discuss business with a clear head. (Stands, walks towards her). Are you travelling alone? Are you authorised to negotiate with me? ROSE: What would we be negotiating? JACK: I have something for the Time Agency. Something they'd like to buy. Are you in power to make payment? ROSE: Well, I, I should talk to my... companion. JACK: Companion? ROSE: Yeah, I should really be getting back to him. JACK: Him? ROSE (laughing): Do you have the time? Jack, clearing his throat, takes the device out of his pocket and flicks a switch. Big Ben chimes right next to them. ROSE (CONT'D): Okay, that was flash. (Laughs). Th... that was on the flash side. JACK (moves closer, places his hands on her waist): So... when you say "companion", just how disappointed should I be? ROSE: Okay... we're standing in midair... JACK: Mm-hm. ROSE: On a spaceship... during a German air raid... do you really think now's a good time to be coming on to me...? Her voice falters slightly as Jack raises her hands and places his lips upon them. Upon her words, Jack takes his lips away and pats her hand. JACK: Perhaps not. He walks away. ROSE (quickly): Well, it was just a suggestion. Jack turns back to her. JACK: Do you like Glenn Miller? He points the device over his shoulder, and "Moonlight Serenade" plays. He walks back to her, and they begin to slow dance. JACK: It's 1941. The height of the London Blitz. The height of the German Bombing Campaign. And something else has fallen on London - a fully equipped Chula Warship. The last one in existence... Rose's eyelids flutter closed, her head on his shoulder. JACK (CONT'D): ... armed to the teeth. (Draws back slightly to look at her properly). And I know where it is. Because I parked it. Rose laughs. JACK (CONT'D): If the Agency can name the right price, I can get it for you. But in two hours, a German bomb is gonna fall on it and destroy it forever. (He looks at her, suddenly more serious). That's the deadline. That's the deal. And now, shall we discuss payment? ROSE: Do you know what I think? JACK: What? ROSE (dreamily): I think you were talking just there... JACK: Two hours, the bomb falls. There'll be nothing left but dust and a crater. ROSE: Promises, promises... JACK: Are you listening to any of this? ROSE (pulling herself together): You used to be a Time Agent, now you're some kind of free lancer. JACK: Well, that's a little harsh. (Pulls her closer). I like to think of myself as a criminal. ROSE (laughing): I bet you do! JACK: So, this companion of yours, does he handle the business? ROSE: Well, I delegate a lot of that, yeah. JACK: Well, maybe we should go find him. ROSE: And how're you gonna do that? JACK: Easy. I'll do a scan for alien tech. He begins the scan using the device on his wrist. ROSE (to herself, delighted): Finally, a professionnal. EXT. WASTELAND The Doctor stands on some steps a good distance away from the bomb site. He looks at it using his binoculars. Nancy stands behind him. NANCY: The bomb's under that tarpaulin. They put the fence up over night. See that building? The hospital. The Doctor looks over to where she indicates over the top of the binoculars. THE DOCTOR: What about it? NANCY: That's where the doctor is. The Doctor zooms in on the hospital. NANCY (CONT'D): You should talk to him. THE DOCTOR: For now, I'm more interested in getting in there. He points back at the bomb site. NANCY: Talk to the doctor first. THE DOCTOR: Why? NANCY: 'Cos then maybe you won't wanna get inside. Nancy begins to go back up the steps. THE DOCTOR (without looking): Where're you going? NANCY: There was a lot of food in that house. I've got mouths to feed. Should be safe enough now. THE DOCTOR: Can I ask you a question? Who did you lose? NANCY: What? THE DOCTOR (finally lowering the binoculars and turning to face her): The way you look after all those kids. It's 'cos you lost somebody, isn't it? You're doing all this to make up for it. NANCY: My little brother. Jamie. One night I went out looking for food. Same night that thing fell. I told him not to follow me, told him it was dangerous, but he just... he just didn't like being on his own. THE DOCTOR: What happened? NANCY: In the middle of an air raid? What do you think happened? The Doctor nods, then smiles. THE DOCTOR: Amazing. NANCY: What is? THE DOCTOR: 1941. There are planes dropping bombs in the distance. A barrage balloon hovers above them. Small explosions in the air. THE DOCTOR: Right now, not very far from here, a German war machine is rolling up the map of Europe. Country after country, falling like dominoes. Nothing can stop it. Nothing. Until one, tiny, damp little island says "no". 'No'. Not here. A mouse in front of a lion. (Looks at Nancy). You're amazing, the lot of you. Dunno what you do to Hitler, but you frighten the hell out of me. Off you go then... do what you've gotta do. Save the world. He goes down the rest of the steps. Nancy turns and walks up them. The distorted vision of the child watches Nancy and we see his shadow follow her up the steps. EXT. ABANDONED HOSPITAL The Doctor goes to the gate of the hospital, and upon finding it locked, uses his sonic screwdriver to destroy the padlock. He undoes the chain, and enters Albion Hospital. INT. HOSPITAL WARD The Doctor enters a dark ward, where rows and rows of people are lying on beds, wearing gas masks, completely lifeless. He looks around at them all, brow furrowed, and leaves. INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR The Doctor comes out into a corridor, which is lit. INT. HOSPITAL WARD 2 He enters another ward, which is lighter but still has rows of the gas mask people lying on the beds. He turns quickly upon hearing a slight sound behind him, and an old man, Doctor Constantine enters. DR CONSTANTINE: You'll find them everywhere. Every bed in every ward. Hundreds of them. THE DOCTOR: Yes, I saw. Why are they still wearing gas masks? DR CONSTANTINE: They're not. Who are you? THE DOCTOR: I'm, uh... are you the doctor? DR CONSTANTINE: Doctor Constantine. And you are? THE DOCTOR: Nancy sent me. DR CONSTANTINE: Nancy? That means you must've been asking about the bomb. THE DOCTOR: Yes. DR CONSTANTINE: What do you know about it? THE DOCTOR: Nothing. Why I was asking. What do you know? DR CONSTANTINE: Only what it's done. THE DOCTOR: These people, were they all caught up in the blast? DR CONSTANTINE: None of them were. He laughs slightly, but it turns into a nasty cough. He sits down in a chair just behind him. The Doctor takes a few steps towards him. THE DOCTOR: You're very sick. DR CONSTANTINE: Dying, I should think, I just haven't been able to find the time. Are you a doctor? THE DOCTOR: I have my moments. DR CONSTANTINE: Have you examined any of them, yet? THE DOCTOR: No. DR CONSTANTINE: Don't touch the flesh. THE DOCTOR: Which one? DR CONSTANTINE: Any one. The Doctor, raising his eyebrows, takes his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket and approaches the nearest bed. He runs the screwdriver over the mask covered face of the body. DR CONSTANTINE (CONT'D): Conclusions? THE DOCTOR: Massive head trauma, mostly to the left side... (Runs screwdriver over the chest). Partial collapse of the chest cavity, mostly to the right. There's some scarring on the back of the hand and the gas mask seems to be fused to the flesh but I can't see any burns. DR CONSTANTINE: Examine another one. The Doctor goes over to another body and does the scan again. The gas mask is fused to the flesh and the body bears the same scar on the back of the hand. He turns off his sonic screwdriver and turns to Doctor Constantine. THE DOCTOR: This isn't possible. DR CONSTANTINE: Examine another. The Doctor hurries to another bed and does so. THE DOCTOR: This isn't possible! DR CONSTANTINE: No. THE DOCTOR: They've all got the same injuries! DR CONSTANTINE: Yes. THE DOCTOR: Exactly the same. DR CONSTANTINE: Yes. THE DOCTOR: Identical, all of them. Right down to the scar on the back of the hand. Doctor Constantine looks at his own hand, it has the scar. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): How did this happen? How did it start? DR CONSTANTINE: When that bomb dropped, there was just one victim. THE DOCTOR: Dead? DR CONSTANTINE: At first. His injuries were truly dreadful. By the following morning, every doctor and nurse who had treated him, who had touched him, had those exact same injuries. By the morning after that, every patient in the same ward had the exact same injuries. Within a week, the entire hospital. Physical injuries, as plague. Can you explain that? What would you say was the cause of death? THE DOCTOR: The head trauma. DR CONSTANTINE: No. THE DOCTOR: Asphyxiation. DR CONSTANTINE: No. THE DOCTOR: The collapse of the chest cavity... DR CONSTANTINE: No. THE DOCTOR: All right. What was the cause of death? DR CONSTANTINE: There wasn't one. The Doctor looks at him, brow furrowed. DR CONSTANTINE (CONT'D): They're not dead. He raps his stick against a tin bin, and all the patients suddenly sit up. The Doctor looks alarmed. DR CONSTANTINE: It's all right. They're harmless. They just... sort of, sit there. No heartbeat, no life signs of any kind. They just... don't die. THE DOCTOR: And they've just been left here? Nobody's doing anything? The bodies lie down again. DR CONSTANTINE: I try and make them comfortable, what else is there? THE DOCTOR: Just you? You're the only one here? DR CONSTANTINE: Before this war began, I was a father and a grandfather. Now I am neither. But I am still a doctor. THE DOCTOR: Yeah. Know the feeling. DR CONSTANTINE: I suspect the plan is to blow up the hospital and blame it on a German bomb. THE DOCTOR (looking around): Probably too late. DR CONSTANTINE: No. They are isolated cases, but... isolated cases breaking out all over London... He coughs again. His speech starts to break up. The Doctor starts towards him. DR CONSTANTINE (CONT'D): Stay back, stay back. (Coughs). Listen to me... top floor. Room 802, that's where they took the first victim - the one from the crash site. And you must find Nancy again. THE DOCTOR: Nancy? DR CONSTANTINE: It was her brother. She knows more than she's saying. She won't tell me, but she mi... mi... (He gags and clutches his neck). M... mu... mee... The Doctor watches him concernedly. Speech is a huge effort for Constantine. DR CONSTANTINE (CONT'D): Are... you... my... mum-my? As the Doctor watches, a gas mask protrudes horribly out of Constantine's mouth. His eyes become the gas mask, and it fuses onto his face, and he goes limp. The Doctor hears voices in the distance. JACK: Hello? ROSE: Hello? JACK: Hello? The Doctor leaves the ward. INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR The Doctor emerges into the corridor. He meets Rose and Jack coming the other way. JACK: Good evening. Hope I'm not interrupting, Jack Harkness. (Shakes the Doctor's hand). I've been hearing all about you on the way over. ROSE (to the Doctor): He knows. I had to tell him about us being Time Agents. The Doctor nods. JACK: And it's a real pleasure to meet you, Mr Spock. He pats the Doctor heartily on the shoulder, and walks off, leaving the Doctor looking rather bemused. THE DOCTOR (to Rose): Mr Spock? ROSE: What was I supposed to say, you don't have a name! Don't you ever get tired of "Doctor"? Doctor who? THE DOCTOR: Nine centuries in, I'm coping. Where've you been? We're in the middle of a London Blitz, it's not a good time for a stroll. ROSE (starting to walk): Who's strolling? I went by barrage balloon. Only way to see an air raid. THE DOCTOR (following): What?! ROSE: Listen, what's a Chula warship? THE DOCTOR (stops): Chula? INT. DINING ROOM Nancy goes back into the house and starts to put a cloth over some of the food on the table. Suddenly, the radio springs to life, the child's voice transmitting through it THE CHILD: Please, mummy. Please let me in. Nancy spins round to face the radio. THE CHILD (CONT'D): I'm scared of the bombs, mummy. Please, mummy... There is a crash from the hallway, making Nancy turn around. The shadow of the child is on the wall. THE CHILD (CONT'D): Mummy... mum-my... Nancy looks around for somewhere to hide. She crawls under the table. INT. HOSPITAL WARD 2 Jack scans one of the bodies. JACK: This just isn't possible. How could this happen? THE DOCTOR: What kind of Chula ship landed here? JACK: What? ROSE: He said it was a warship. He stole it. Parked it somewhere out there, somewhere a bomb's gonna fall on it - unless WE make him an offer. THE DOCTOR: What kind of warship? JACK (agitated): Does it matter? It's got nothing to do with this! THE DOCTOR (angrily): This started at the bomb site. It's got everything to do with it. What kind of warship? JACK: An ambulance! (Turns on his wrist device). Look. A hologram of the warship appears above the device. JACK (CONT'D): That's what you chased through the Time Vortex. It's space junk. I wanted to kid you it was valuable. It's empty. I made sure of it. Nothing but a shell. I threw it at you. Saw your time travel vehicle, love the retro look, by the way, nice panels, threw you the bait... ROSE: Bait? JACK: I wanted to sell it to you and then destroy it before you found out it was junk. ROSE: You said it was a war ship. JACK: They have ambulances in wars. (Walks away from them, annoyed). It was a con. I was conning you, that's what I am, I'm a con man. I thought you were Time Agents but you're not, are you? ROSE: Just a couple more free-lancers. JACK: Ahh... should've known. The way you guys are blending in with the local colour, I mean, Flag Girl was bad enough, but U-Boat Captain? Both Rose and the Doctor look uncomfortably at their clothes. JACK: Anyway... Whatever's happening here has got nothing to do with that ship. ROSE (looking around): What is happening here, Doctor? THE DOCTOR: Human DNA's being rewritten... by an idiot. ROSE: What d'you mean? THE DOCTOR: I dunno, some kind of virus. It's converting human beings into these things. (Nods at the bodies). But why? What's the point? INT. DINING ROOM The child enters. THE CHILD: Mummy? Where's my mummy? Mummy? An apple falls out of Nancy's bag and rolls out from under the table. The child looks at it, walks over to it and bends down to pick it up. Nancy tries to make a run for it, but the child spins around, pointing a finger. The door slams shut and locks. Nancy rattles the handle fruitlessly. The child looks at her, still pointing. Nancy looks back. THE CHILD (CONT'D): Are you my mummy? INT. HOSPITAL WARD 2 Rose bends over one of the bodies, examining it, when suddenly, it sits up. All the others do the same. Rose jumps backwards. They all start saying "mummy?" repeatedly. ROSE: What's happening? THE DOCTOR: I don't know. The gas-mask people all get out of bed. INT. DINING ROOM Nancy backs away from the child. THE CHILD: Mummy? NANCY: It's me. Nancy! INT. HOSPITAL WARD 2 The gas-mask people begin to enclose the Doctor, Rose and Jack. THE DOCTOR: Don't let them touch you. ROSE: What happens if they touch us? THE DOCTOR: You're looking at it. They still chant, 'mummy' as they back the three of them against a wall. INT. DINING ROOM THE CHILD: Are you my mummy? NANCY: It's Nancy. Your sister. INT. HOSPITAL WARD 2 The patients in the ward enclose the Doctor, Rose and Jack. INT. DINING ROOM The child advances on Nancy. NANCY: You're dead, Jamie. You're dead! She is now backed against the curtain. THE CHILD: Mum-my... mum-my... INT. HOSPITAL WARD 2 The gas-mask people have surrounded the Doctor, Rose and Jack, still calling for "mummy". TO BE CONTINUED...

Chasing a metal cylinder marked as 'dangerous' through the Time Vortex, the Doctor and Rose land in London, 1941, during the Blitz . Rose follows a young boy in a gas mask who repeatedly asks if she is his mother. She climbs a rope attached to a barrage balloon that rises into the air, and is rescued by a Captain Jack Harkness (previously a time agent, now a con man), who interests her in buying a valuable warship. The Doctor talks with a young woman named Nancy who knows the boy is connected to a bomb-like object that recently fell. She directs the Doctor to a hospital where Dr Constantine shows him patients with injuries and gas masks identical to the boy's. Nancy reveals the child is her brother, Jamie. Rose and Jack arrive in time to save the Doctor as Constantine begins to transform like his patients.

fd_Justified_02x03

fd_Justified_02x03_0

Dewey: Bourbon! You can keep the ice. Hey, Boyd. You mind? Boyd: Not at all, Dewey Crowe. Dewey: Kind of surprised to see you in here. I thought you'd given up these poisons. Boyd: Well, I had. But many things have changed since last we spoke. Dewey: You mean when yon pointed your gun at me? Boyd: Well, the irony in that is that without me pointing my gun at you, you wouldn't be alive today. [SCENE_BREAK] Dewey: There's 25...35... 5...10...There's a couple pennies. It's currency, ain't it? What? Dewey Crowe. How you doin this fine afternoon? I'm good Ellen Mae, and you? I don't know, you tell me. Dewey: Yeah, I'm afraid I-I got nothing for you right at this second, but I'll be back real soon, and I'm gonna be flush. Ellen May: You ever get it together, you know where to find me. Boyd: I'd be more than happy to contribute to the cause, if you'd like. Dewey: I don't need your charity, Boyd. I got things lined up. Boyd: Whatever puts a smile on your face, Dewey Crowe. Dewey: You know, Boyd, for a guy who's supposedly changed, you sound an awful lot like you always did. [ Instruments tuning ] Raylan: What are we doing, Winona? Winona: What are we... Raylan: What are we doing? Winona: We're having some beers, and we're waiting for Dave Alvin to come on. Raylan: At a roadhouse 50 miles outside of Lexington? Winona: Was he playing somewhere else tonight? Raylan: No, that's not my point. Winona: What is your point? Raylan: If he was playing in Lexington, would we go see him? No. No, 'cause we drive to the middle of nowhere anytime we want to be seen in public. We lie to everyone we know. Winona: I thought we were being discreet. Raylan: Which I understood when Gary didn't know about us. Winona: Well, just because Gary knows about us doesn't mean the whole world needs to know about us. Raylan: I don't see why. Winona: 'Cause I'm still married, Raylan. Raylan: What if you weren't? Ladies and gentlemen, Dave Alvin. Winona: Well, that's a longer conversation. [ Cheers and applause ] Dave: Hey, how y'all doing tonight? [ Mid-tempo music plays ] Raylan: Are you not divorcing Gary? Winona: Can we talk about this some... Raylan: Because if you aren't, then I really don't know what the hell we're doing. Winona: All right, maybe I wouldn't be so hesitant to tell the world and divorce Gary if I thought you and I could be actually happy together. Dave: Another city waitin' up ahead Raylan: I can't believe you said that. Winona: I'm sorry. It's just... I-I wanted tonight to be fun. This was supposed to be...fun. Tim's here. What? Tim, your fellow Marshal is at the bar. Dave: 'Cause I always want to live without regrets Raylan: Let's invite him over. Winona: We should take off. Raylan: Are you serious? Winona: You cannot be serious. Did you hear a word I just said? Raylan: You said you wanted to have fun. Let's have fun. Come on. Dave Alvin. Winona: Either give me your keys or come with me. Dave: trying to get by... Raylan: Okay. Dave: ... and tired of being alone for a moment, I thought she was mine 'cause she had a voice I just wanted to believe she said her mother was full-blooded Cherokee and her daddy was a union man down in the mines fightin' the good fight 'cross the Harlan County line What are we stoppin' for? Bridge is out, what do you want me to do? Get back to your seat. Oh, come on Bobby I gotta drain it. Hold it. I've been holding it. You piss out the window if you want. But you ain't gettin' off this bus. You want me to back it up? Where you goin'... sh1t You all stay down and be quiet! Pick him up. Man I got a bad back. Lift up your legs. Cutter: You want to grab the junk, or were you thinking we'd stay a little while? Hoo-hoo! Looks like Christmas come early. I don't want to be hearing about this! On this lonely road trying to make it home doing it by my lonesome pissed off, who wants some? I'm fighting for my soul God get at your boy you try to bogard fall back, I go hard on this lonely road trying to make it home doing it by my lonesome pissed off, who wants some? I see them long, hard times to come Art: Well, I thought you both might want to know, AUSA has determined that the shooting of Jess Timmons was good. Raylan: No surprise there. Art: Hell of a shot. Did you consider what might have happened if you'd missed? Can't carry a tune. I don't know how to shoot a basket ball, and my handwriting is barely legible. But I don't miss. Art: All right, that'll do it. Raylan? Raylan: Hmm? Art: Stay a minute, would you? [ Clears throat ] Do I need to be concerned? Raylan: About what? Oh, sh1t. He saw us? Listen. It's not what it looked like. It was just two people having some beers, seeing some music. Art: Is that right? Raylan: Yeah. Art: Raylan, what are you talking about? Raylan: What are you talking about? Art: I'm asking if I need to be concerned about Tim, 'cause he just shot a man, and you've shot men. And he's a little off. And you're always a little off. And so I'm just asking. Raylan: If there's something eating at him, I haven't noticed. Art: Okay. Raylan: Okay. Art: You're not getting off the hook that easy, though. Two people, out having beers, seeing music. Raylan: Let's just forget it. Art: So, you were out with somebody, and Tim happened to be there. Raylan: Could we not? Just... Art: Suppose it could be Rachel. Are you sleeping with Rachel? Raylan: No. Art: I don't guess Ava's looking to spend time with you. And I think I would remember if it was me. Raylan: You done? Art: Unless, of course, you roofied me. Did you roofie me, Raylan? Raylan: Goodbye, Art. Art: [ Laughs ] Wait. Wait. I've got one more thing to talk to you about. Walk with me. I got a call this morning from a trooper down in Harlan, Tom Bergen. Raylan: Yeah. Helped us out with that Jimmy Earl Dean deal. Art: One of his troopers found an abandoned church bus out on Glen Hollow Road, and the sole remaining survivor had a hole in his head the size of a .38-caliber bullet. Raylan: See, now, that's why I don't go to church. Art: Well, you should start, but not with this one, 'cause apparently it doesn't exist. Bus was stolen, and they found a receipt on the floor from a convenience store in Jacksonville, Florida. Raylan: Oxy run? Art: Mm-hmm. Probably on the return leg. Then it was hit by another set of criminals. Raylan: sh1t. Art: You think it was him? Raylan: Well, I don't know, what do you think? I don't know, you told me he was playing it straight. It wouldn't be the first time he said one thing and did another. I'll give you a call when I get down to Harlan. Art: All right. Holy sh1t. Wait a minute. I got it. Winona. You were out with Winona. [ Laughs ] Oh, sh1t. And I thought sleeping with a witness was stupid. Raylan: Hey. No, no, no. Hey. It ain't like that. Art: I really would like to know what it is like. Raylan: And I'd love to tell you, but right now my presence is needed in Harlan. Art: [ Chuckles ] You're a thrill a minute, Raylan. We need to sell tickets. [ Indistinct conversations ] Pruitt: I ask you something, Crowder? How'd you manage to get this job, huh? I heard about you, some of the things you done. This ain't the most reputable operation in the world, but seems to me they could have done better than hiring a murdering ex-con. Boyd: Maybe you should ask the people who hired me. Pruitt: I'd rather ask you. Kyle: Hey, Pruitt. You ain't got no cause for that. Leave him alone. [ Scoffs ] Spend all that time down below, looking out for people, just to come up and start brawling. I'm Kyle. So you're Boyd Crowder, huh? Boyd: Yeah, that's right. Kyle: I been here a couple days. How about you? How long you been here? Boyd: Not long this go-round. Kyle: Hey, say... you know where a fella can get a drink in a dry county? Boyd: There's a bar in a puddle out by Cumberland. Kyle: Well, I tell you what. I'm buying if you care to join. Boyd: No offense, Kyle, but, uh, I prefer to drink alone. Kyle: None taken. Maybe next time. Gonna be a tough hog ho tie. Tom: Now, the way I figure it, we got two tracks. One is, who was running this Oxy bus? The other ones, who set out to rob it? I figure you're right. And that fella got shot, Bobby Lawton... Raylan: Mm-hmm? Tom: He's Frankfort, born and raised. Raylan: Dixie mafia? Tom: You got any experience with that bunch? Raylan: Little bit. [ Siren chirps ] Doyle: Good day, gentlemen. Raylan: Doyle. Tom: Chief. Doyle: Quite a mess we got here. Raylan: Mm-hmm. Tom: It'll do. Doyle: I know you two don't hold the local P.D. in the highest regard... and I can't say I blame you after what's transpired down here... But the last thing we want is criminals stealing from criminals, people shooting at each other out of pickup trucks. So you all find anything or need a hand, y'all let me know. You gonna talk to Boyd Crowder about this? It seems like it's in his wheelhouse, as they say. Raylan: That it does. Doyle: Are you aware of his current living situation? Raylan: Hmm? Doyle: Well, you can find him shacked up over at Ava's. Raylan: Hmm. Dewey: Aah-aah! Boyd: Dewey Crowe. You come to regale me with stories of your Floridian adventures. Dewey: Surprised you got the nerve to ask me that, boy. I'm sorry, do you find that offensive? God damn it, don't play with me I know it was you. What was me? I saw Cutter Boyd, I know you tipped him off, I was gonna make $200 from that trip, and now I got nothing. Wait a second, you talkin' about Cutter from the "Commando days?" How many Cutters do you know? What was it you think I had him do? Rob the damn bus, what do you think? Oh, well this figures. Hey, Ava. You got two minutes to get him out of here. Bye, Ava. She looks as good as ever, huh? Are you tellin' me, that the reason why you're here is that Cutter robbed your Oxy bus, and you think I'm responsible. I don't care that you robbed it Boyd, but I need that money. These here are rockhard times for Dewey Crowe. - I had no hand in it. Well, why should I believe that? Alright. If... if you didn't have a hand in it, then I'll assume you won't mind if I make a play for it myself. Boyd: What are you thinking? Don't. Dewey: Don't what? Boyd: Don't go to Amber Holler and try to rob some robbers. Dewey: I wasn't gonna do that. Boyd: They probably already unloaded it by now, and if they haven't, they're gonna be on edge, high on their own stash. Now, you don't want to walk into that. Dewey: Spoken like a man protecting his associates. Boyd: Spoken like a man who doesn't want to see you get killed. Hey! Whoever Cutter took those pills from is gonna want them back. Now, you take them from Cutter, you're gonna have two sets of angry killers looking high and low for you and that oxy. Dewey: I know you think I'm stupid, Boyd, but... I ain't. I'm gonna get what's mine, and you'd be best not to get in my way. [ Engine turns over ] Boyd: I'm gonna ask you one more time, son. Don't do it. [ Birds chirping ] [ Knock on door ] Raylan: Hello, Ava. Ava: [ Scoffs ] Raylan: Sorry just to stop by like this, but I need a minute. Ava: Okay. What can I do for you, Raylan? Raylan: Actually, I'm here for Boyd. Ava: You see his truck? Raylan: I'm not familiar with his truck. Ava: Tell the truth. You come to my door to talk to Boyd or to ask me why he's living in my house? Raylan: I'm here on business, Ava. Ava: Raylan, Bowman didn't leave me with much more than shitty memories and a balloon payment on a mortgage that I can't afford. Now, I work at the beauty parlor in Crobin, but it ain't hardly enough. And Boyd, he helps out. I know it's odd. But do you realize he's the only kin I have left? Raylan: It sounds mutually beneficial. Has he left for work? Ava: We have an arrangement. No liquor in the house. I was drinking way too much. Maybe you noticed. And no trouble with the law. He does anything I find the least bit offensive, I throw him out. It's really pretty simple. Raylan: Ava, why I'm here... I'm looking into the possibility that he had a hand in hijacking an oxy bus, shooting a guard. There are these pill mills in Florida don't computerize records. Dixie mafia's been hiring busload of folks to go down to Broward County... Ava: Yeah, I know what an oxy bus is. I read the papers. You think Boyd hijacked one? Raylan: I wouldn't be standing here otherwise. Ava: [ Exhales, chuckles ] Guess that explains Dewey being here. Raylan: Dewey Crowe? He was here? Ava: Mm-hmm. He and Boyd were arguing about something. I didn't pay much attention to what. Guess maybe I should have. Raylan: Ava. Ava: Mm-hmm? Raylan: Anything you can tell me would be helpful. Ava: Boyd already left for his night shift. But he doesn't go straight to the mine. He stops at Audry's first. I'm sure you know where that is. You probably lost your virginity there. Good luck! [ Vehicle approaches ] Sorry son, we close early on Tuesday. I just need me a ski mask, won't take but a second. A ski mask? That's right. Son this is Kentucky, what do you need a ski mask for? Who are you? The ski mask police? You got one or not? Well I don't have ski masks, maybe you should try the surplus store down the street. They're the ones who sent me here. There's always Ebay. He what? It don't have to be a ski mask, you got a catchers mask or, one of them Hockey goalie masks like they wear in that slasher movie. You want I should call the police right now and save you the trouble? Dewey: Well, I thought this was America. Are you telling me a man can't buy a mask in America no more? You're welcome to buy anything you see here, son. But you do it now, because I'm fixing to lock that door in two minutes. Raylan: Back in Audry's. Feel like I'm 13 again. Boyd: Late bloomer, huh? Raylan: Is it just me, or has the presence of a U.S. marshal made these folks uneasy? Boyd: Well, maybe it's just your hat. I don't suppose you being here is a coincidence. Raylan: Hey, where's Dewey? Is he here, too? Boyd: Well, why would I know where Dewey is? Raylan: Well, I heard you guys have been hanging out again. Boyd: Ava told you that? Raylan: Mmm. I got to admit, it took me by surprise, you and her shacking up. Boyd: Well, it's not what you think. Raylan: She told me if you looked at her funny, she'd kick you out. Boyd: Well, maybe it is what you think. Your reason for being here would be? Raylan: Is to ask you if you had anything to do with that oxy bus getting jacked out on Glen Hollow Road. Boyd: [ Sighs ] Now, why, considering the context of our last conversation, would you come here and ask me about that? I thought I made myself fairly clear about my intentions. Raylan: Simple question. Yes or no. Boyd: True, but the real question is whether or not you will believe my answer. Raylan: Well... Hell, give it a shot. We'll see. Boyd: [ Sighs, laughs ] No, Raylan. I had nothing to do with that bus being robbed. Raylan: Okay. I don't suppose you know who did? Boyd: If I did know, would I be obligated to share it with you? Raylan: That's up to you. How much blood do you want on your hands? How much did you enjoy prison? [SCENE_BREAK] Dewey: Federal marshal! Show me those hands and get on the goddamn ground! Cutter: Oh, my God! Dewey: Sit down! Hands behind your heads! I will put a hole through you if you make me. You boys think you're pretty smart, don't you? Well, if you was, I wouldn't be standing here. You gonna tell me where the rest of them pills is at, or are you gonna keep being smart? Cutter: What pills? Dewey: Outlaw life's hard, ain't it? Now you gonna tell me, or I'm gonna start putting bullets in places that bleed. Elrod: You can't do that. Dewey: Hell, I can't! I'm federal marshal Raylan Givens! Don't nobody mess with me 'round these parts. Now, where's them pills at?! [ Gunshot ] Elrod: All right! Okay, the microwave. Dewey: Either of you move, it'll be the last mistake you ever make. Cutter: You have any idea who you're messing with, asshole? Dewey: Hmm, well, let me see. Is he a federal marshal, like I am? Then I don't give a sh1t! Cutter: We'll see you again. [ Groans ] Dewey: Yeah, well, don't you forget. It's Raylan Givens. Come looking for me. You hear? If I was you boys, I'd give up this oxy bullshit. Go back to poaching gators. It's safer. [ Door opens, closes ] [ Dog barking ] Raylan: Your C.I. saw this guy come in and rob these boys of their pills. Doyle: That's right. Raylan: Well, she get a good look at him? Doyle: Yeah, she did. Raylan: Well? Doyle: Raylan, you and I go back a long way. We grew up around here together. Our families have both had their issues with the law. And despite that criminal element, both of us became lawmen. Raylan: I'm sorry. What are we talking about? Doyle: I got to thinking, "maybe Raylan isn't the man I always thought he was. Hell, maybe Raylan ain't the man everybody thinks he is." Raylan: Was that supposed to be an answer? Doyle: Sometimes a man does a thing, and certain folks, they might see that thing as something wrong. Others, they might embrace that. Hell, I mean, they might even be in a position to help that man out, providing that favor gets returned later on. Raylan: Are you speaking Martian, Doyle, 'cause I swear I don't... Doyle: I know you took them pills, Raylan. Raylan: I did what, now? Doyle: The C.I. in there? She seen the whole thing. She said marshal Raylan Givens busted in there, hat and all, and stole them pills, at gunpoint. Raylan: Well, then, I guess you got me, Doyle. Doyle: I do. Raylan: Oh, for Christ's sakes! Am I the man you saw? Man I saw what? Doyle: Who robbed Elrod and Cutter. [ Laughing ] Lord, no. Doyle: Well, you said... Raylan: And you believed her? Doyle: I don't know you, Raylan! Ha! I mean, you think there ain't never been a dirty marshal? Raylan: What was that sh1t you were saying? Doyle: What sh1t? Raylan: About "you think you know a man but don't"? Doyle: I was just feeling you out, pal, just making sure. Raylan: Is that what that was? Like the way one drug user tries to see if a man he just met is carrying? Something like that? Doyle: That's how you see. Raylan: This man you saw... Describe him to me. Oh, well, he was smaller... Raylan: Mm-hmm. ...Kinda scrawny. He had a neck tattoo peeking up out of his shirt. Raylan: What'd it look like? I couldn't really make it out. It was just some letters going across. I ain't ever seen a lawman with a tattoo on his neck. Raylan: Anything else? He was making some strange comments... one at the end about poaching gators. Raylan: Poaching gators? Yeah, I remember it 'cause it didn't make no sense at all. Raylan: Put out an A.P.B. out on a man named Dewey Crowe. Dewey: It was a thing of beauty. They never even knew what hit them! Ellen May! Ellen... Ellen May. Okay, now, why don't you grab a friend? Let's go out back, and we're gonna have us some fun, okay? Ellen May: You for real? Dewey: I'm for real. Take a little peek at that. What do you think of that? Ellen May: I love it. You want light or dark? Your hair, Dewey. Dewey: Oh. I-I'm good either way. [ Both laugh ] I ain't fussy! Dewey: Don't you want to hear what happened? Boyd: Not particularly. Dewey: It was a thing of beauty. They never even saw it coming. And you'll never believe who I told them I was. Oh...Raylan Givens. Hey! I need a bourbon. I need a double bourbon. I need one for my friend. Boyd: I'm fine. Dewey: Well, ain't you gonna celebrate with me? Boyd: I got to go to work. Dewey: What's got you so jammed up? Boyd: You know what, Dewey? If you had any smarts in that head of yours, you would get in your car right now, and you'd start driving, and you wouldn't stop until you saw the Everglades. Dewey: You don't know what the hell you're talking about. Boyd: I know that if you stay here, you're not long for this earth, son. Dewey: You know what I think? I think that you're just mad because I had the stones to do this, and you didn't. Boyd: You can think what you want. Just do it from your car. Dewey: I will leave here when I'm good and ready, and ain't you or no one else gonna tell me no different. Boyd: You chose your path. Good luck to you, son. Dewey: Here's my girls! Ellen May: You ready to have a good time? Dewey: You bet you! Let's go! [ Cellphone ringing ] Raylan: Givens. Boyd: Raylan, I was wondering if back when we were digging coal together that you had an inkling of the man that I might someday become? Raylan: You mean just 40 and still single? Boyd: Well, I never thought that I would make a phone call like this, Raylan. Raylan: Well, if it's about Dewey, don't worry about it. I already know. Boyd: [ Sighs ] Well, he's at Audry's, handing out oxycontin like he's a pharmaceutical rep. Dewey: That is just about the best thing I ever laid eyes on. [ Both women laugh ] Ellen May: I always knew you'd be a good time, deputy Dewey. Dewey: That's right. Gonna be good times from here on in! Hey, why don't you two kiss a little more so I can watch. Raylan: Oh. Hey, this is quite a party. You mind if I come in? Dewey: Hell, yeah, we do! This here's a private party. Raylan: Ladies, I'm deputy U.S. marshal Raylan Givens. Ellen May: Another one. Raylan: No, not another one. I'm actually a real U.S. marshal. I want you both to go put your clothes on. Dewey: No! No, wait! Wait, wait, wait. Raylan, please, I'm begging you. Just give me five more minutes. I will do whatever you want. Raylan: Seriously? Ellen May: Whatever you want. Yeah, whatever you want, baby. [ Both laugh ] Raylan: Thank you. But I need you to get dressed. Get dressed. Well, I always figured you for a special kind of idiot, Dewey Crowe, but what you have done in the past 12 hours is light years beyond any stupidity even I thought you were capable of. Dewey: I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Raylan: Well, I'm talking about the pills in your car. Dewey: Oh, those?! Those are for you! You deputized me, remember? I was just seizing them for you. Raylan: That's good. I'm impressed. And I assume you were gonna tell me just as soon as you finished up here. Is that it? Dewey: That's right. Raylan: Oh. So who tipped you off? Were you on the bus? Who hired you? Oh, I'm sorry, Dewey. Are you worried about looking like less than a man, 'cause I believe that ship has already sailed. Dewey: Bobby Lawton. He got killed. Raylan: You talk to anyone above him? [ Gate creaks ] Whoa, fellas? Deputy U.S. marshal Raylan Givens! I'm gonna need you to stop right there. Just keep your hands where I can see them. Cutter: Ain't falling for that sh1t again. Raylan: Hey! You gonna stop shooting for a minute and let me get a word in?! All right. Well, the good news is, you seem to be in the right place. The drugs you stole and the man who stole them from you are here. The bad news? So am I. Let's kill him. Here's the deal, either of you move, I'll kill you. Tell me who hired you to hit that bus. Cutter: It was your brother Dickie. [ Gunshots ] Doyle: Clear! Must have thought I was kidding. Told them to drop their guns. Raylan: Let's go. Coover: [ Coughing ] Dickie: Do you understand what I'm... You do not understand what I'm saying. I'm saying all that smoking, and you just can't help yourself, can you? You can't do it. Coover: I'm under a lot of stress. You ain't? [ Cellphone rings ] Who is it? Dickie: Stress. It's Cutter. Coover: It's Cutter. Where's our pills?! Dickie: Where the hell is you?! Coover: Yeah! Dickie: Yeah! Yeah! Doyle: Is this the dumbest piece of cat sh1t on the face of the earth? Is it? Coover: What's he saying? Dickie: Oh, now. Now, now. And just who the hell might this be? Huh? Huh? Doyle: It might be the guy who just saved your ass! Coover: Jesus Christ! Doyle: Outside, both of you. Coover: Why? Dickie: Why? Doyle: 'Cause it smells like pot and piss in here. Outside. I ain't got all night! Against the wall. Let's go! Dickie: How's that? Coover: What is your problem? Doyle: What's my problem? I just find out you two are responsible for hijacking a shipment of oxy, and I got to kill two morons to keep your asses out of jail. Cutter and Elrod told me it was you right before I killed them. Coover: Ain't they told anyone else besides you it was us? Doyle: Well, I don't know, Coover. I didn't conduct a full-tilt interrogation. Coover: Did you get the oxy? Doyle: Do you know who that bus belonged to? Either of you? Dick? Dickie: The boys up in Frankfort. Doyle: That's right. Now you really wanna stir up that hornet's nest? Huh? We ain't afraid of Frankfort. Doyle: You ain't afraid of Frankfort. Dickie: I am not afraid of Frankfort. Doyle: Well, what about if mama found out? You afraid of mama? Dickie: Yeah, well, that is why I used Elrod and Cutter. Doyle: The Dixie mafia is gonna be sniffing around down here, if Cutter and Elrod worked for anyone. Is there anything that can come back to you besides that cellphone? Anything? Coover: No. Doyle: Dick? Dickie: No. Doyle: Either one of you two knuckleheads have any more bright ideas, you come to me first. [ Insects chirping ] [ Ignition beeping ] Raylan: [ Sighs ] Ava: Twice in one day. I am a lucky girl. Raylan: [ Chuckles ] Ava: Assuming you're still looking for Boyd? Raylan: No, I found him. Ava: You throw him in jail? Raylan: I assume he's down in the mine, working his shift, as per usual. Ava: So he didn't rob that bus after all, huh? Raylan: Guess not. Mm-mm-mm. Ava: You come here just to tell me that? Raylan: Well, considering your arrangement, I wouldn't want you to throw him out 'cause of something I said. Ava: Very thoughtful of you. Raylan: I want you to throw him out because he's Boyd Crowder. Ava: Really? Raylan: Mm-hmm. I understand, Ava. He says he wants to change, and I might buy that he wants to. Ava: But you don't think he will. Raylan: Believing that kind of sh1t could get me killed. And I think the same goes for you. You trying to get back at me? Because if that's the case, there's other ways to do it than moving Boyd in. Ava: Whoa. This isn't about you, and it is mighty arrogant of you to think otherwise. Raylan: Well, then why? Why invite even the possibility of the trouble he brings into your home? Ava: I told you. Raylan: Oh, that's right. You need to pay your rent, and he's your kin. Well, you can call me arrogant if you want, but I don't buy that sh1t. Ava: Then why? Raylan: I don't know, Ava. Ava: No. You tell me, o wise one, why... Who cheated on me with his ex... Who's married? Raylan: Ava... Ava: Would you like to come inside and talk about this? Raylan: I don't think that's a a good idea. Then go. You were chosen not to be apart of my life. So you don't get a say in how I live it. And Boyd? He's staying here. Raylan: Okay. Ava: Okay. Raylan: Yeah. Ava: You know, and I'd appreciate, the next time a bus gets robbed in Harlan that you wouldn't come knocking on this door. [ Insects chirping ] [ Ignition beeping ] Boyd: [ Sighs ] Kyle: Bourbon, please. Boyd: What does a man have to do to get a quiet drink in these parts? Kyle: Well, what do you know? Boyd Crowder. Fancy that. Boyd: Sorry. What's your name? Kyle: Kyle. Boyd: I thought I stated it rather politely the other day. I prefer to drink alone. Kyle: Oh, well, you did. You did, and I respect that. I do. But, uh... Well, truth is, I came here to offer you something. I should have come clean at the mine. I know who you are, Boyd Crowder, and I'm a great admirer of all that you've done. I mean, Crowder's commandos? sh1t! Brother, you're a local legend. You was popping off them Jews like you was in a video game. Boyd: I never killed any Jews, Kyle. In fact, I don't think I've ever met a Jew in my life. Kyle: All I'm saying is that I understand who you are. You had a vision. And I have a vision. You and me, we's the same. Boyd: You don't know anything about me, or why I have done the things that I have done in my life. Kyle: Well, now, hold on. Ain't no reason to get riled up. I killed people, too. And I lost friends, like you did, out in the woods. But some sacrifices are necessary. Sometimes, people are disposable. Men like you and me, we understand that. Come on, Crowder! Boyd! Come on. Ain't no need to run off. Wait a second, will you? I want to talk to you about something. Will you just wait a second? [ Engine turns over ] Please wait. Give me two seconds. Come on. Turn the engine off. Aah! Whoa! Oh, whoa, whoa! What are you doing? Boyd: Kyle, come on. Let's have a little conference time, one-on-one, me and you. Kyle: Please, Boyd! Boyd: What do you want to talk about? Want to talk about my past? Killing people, blew sh1t up. Is that what you want to talk about? You want to talk about God and faith and hope? Kyle: My feet are burning! Boyd: And religion... You want to talk about that? Kyle: Jesus Christ! Boyd: Jesus Christ. We can talk about him, pal. You want to meet him? Huh?! Kyle: No! Boyd: Do you want to meet your maker, Kyle, 'cause I'll be right behind you. How about we do this on "three"? Shall we? One... two... Kyle: Stop! Stop the car! Boyd: Three! Aahhh! Aahhh! Aaahh!

Dewey Crowe returns and tries to score on a drug shipment, but the bus carrying the drugs is hijacked, and he tries to impersonate Raylan Givens to get it back. Meanwhile Boyd gets a proposition from some fellow coal miners.

fd_Charmed_08x04

fd_Charmed_08x04_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Leo: I should have gone taller. I always wanted to be taller. Why'd you go blond? Piper: I don't know. I didn't have a lot of time to think about it. Piper: They think I'm somebody else. Paige: You are somebody else. Piper: But I'm not a fugitive. This is not the alias that I picked, at least, not intentionally. Paige: So, missy, where are you gonna get your next alias from? Time magazine? Piper: I came up with this one on my own, thank you. Paige: Well, just make sure it's not off the most wanted list. Piper: Trust me. Dex: Dex Lawson. Phoebe: Nice to meet you, Dex. Dex: You, too. Piper: So, what happened to the demon? Paige: I don't know. This chick came along and scared him off. Piper & Phoebe: What chick? Billie: I'm here because you need me, right? So the more you teach me, the more I can get out there and go kick some demon ass. Paige: We want to keep the use of magic to a minimum so the demons don't find out we're still alive. [SCENE_BREAK] Leo: Knowing how untrained and untethered magic could lead to disaster, the one in Atlantis being the prime example, the elders they knew that they needed to nurture young magic. The elders knew they needed to nurture young magic. Billie. Billie, are you listening to me? Billie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Untethered magic, elders, yada-yada-yada. Leo: Okay, listen, if you're gonna take over the fight for the greater good, I really don't think it's a bad idea if you know the history of good magic. Listen, Paige wanted me to teach you something good, and I think you're kind of making me look bad right now. Billie: Oh, come on. You could be teaching me tic-tac-toe. She wouldn't care. She's just happy your getting me off her back for the day. Leo: Okay. So, the magical community knew it needed a place to nurture young magic, so the elders created magic school. Billie: Yeah. You know, I'm just imagining a bunch of old farts in robes lecturing on the moral implications of magic. Leo: There's that. There's also advanced courses in telekinesis, spell casting, potion making-- Billie: Wait. What? Leo: Astral projection, and medieval weaponry. Billie: They really teach that stuff? [She makes her nunchucks levitate][Gasps] This is so cool! [The nunchucks break the window] Oh, sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] Piper: Ow! [A needle pokes her at the sewing machine] Paige: Okay, either there is a gremlin infestation in this house, or Wyatt's little orby fingers have gotten a hold of my jewelry. Piper: Jewels this early in the morning? What's the occasion? Paige: [Groans] I have a coffee date and I'm trying to get out of here before Leo changes his mind about training Billie. Paige: Oh, nice try, little pirate. I see what you've got here. Thanks a lot, matey. Piper: Oh, Wyatt, honey! Mommy said no magic. Paige: Well, it's good to know you are more worried about him using magic than you are about him, uh, stealing. Piper: Actually, I'm more concerned with him blowing our cover with his school play coming up. Paige: Not your cup of tea, huh? Piper: No, I'm just a little out of practice, thank you. Paige: Yeah, well, me, too. Hence the...morning date. Okay, here's my problem. Do I pick a lipstick color to go with my face... or my alias' face? Piper: Well... seeing as we're the only ones who can see the real you, I'd go with...pink. Paige: Awww. I take it you're not liking this whole... "new you" thing. Piper: No. I guess I just miss 43CE836A.JPGthe old me a little. Uh, why are you doing this on-line dating thing anyway? You get asked out all the time. Paige: Not anymore, not with me having to deal with Billie all the time. Besides, it's not any riskier than what Phoebe's doing, right? Piper: What do you mean? Paige: I don't care how many charts she looks at to see if Dex is the father of her future child. He's still a player. Piper: Oh, Paige-- Paige: What? It's true. Even her own newspaper writes about it in the gossip column. Piper: Yeah, I realize that, but in the interest of sisterly harmony, I would really-- Phoebe: Hey, guys. Did you hear the good news? Paige: Hmm. Let me guess. Dex is the one? Phoebe: Yep, according to every magical calculation there is. Paige: Uh-huh! Phoebe: Not only that, but it all times out perfectly. You know, my vision of us getting married, when I'm supposed to get pregnant, all of it. He's the one. Paige: Yeah. Maybe you should just check that one more time. Phoebe: I'm sorry? Piper: What do you think of this snazzy costume? [Holds up costume] [Phoebe laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] Piper: Come on, sweetie. Don't you wanna be one of Cinderella's footman? Okay. Hang on a second. Come on. What's wrong? It's a good costume. Look. It's shiny... What's the matter? Mandi: Hi, cutie-pie.What's going on? Piper: I don't know. He's never usually like this. He just hates it. Maybe he's allergic to the fabric. Mandi: Or something could be sticking him. A pin? A needle maybe? Piper: Oh, no, no. I checked it. Oh, that couldn't have been in there. Really. He tried it on before and was fine. Mandi: It's okay. You're doing the best you can, not being his real mom and all. You're a distant cousin, right? Piper: Oh, we're a little bit closer than you think. Mandi: Well, isn't that good to know. Here. How's the other costume coming? Piper: Uh...the other... Mandi: The pumpkin? It was on the info sheet I sent out. Piper: The other costume. Right! Uhh...it's all sewn up. Mandi: Great. As long as it looks like the other boys'. You know how kids can tease. Okay, Wyatt. Let's go work on that forest scene, okay? Let's go. [Piper watches them go] [Outside, Mandi magically burns up Wyatt's costume] Mandi: [Sighs] Our little secret. Shh. [Her eyes go black for a moment, then return to normal as she smooths her hair] [SCENE_BREAK] Date: Looks can be deceiving, but your picture on the dating site didn't do you justice. Paige: Thank you. That's very nice. Date: So, tell me what you do that keeps you so crazy busy. Paige: Oh, did I say that I was? Date: No. But I sense you're like me, old-fashioned at heart, not one to do the on-line dating thing but too swamped to meet people any other way. Paige: Yeah. Well, you could say I... haven't had a normal life in a while, but, uh... I think that could be changing. Date: Good. [Laughs] So, uh... what do you do? Paige: Well, uh, I teach-- or, I taught. Kind of a, um... a special-needs school, if you will. I tutor one-on-one now. The girl's a real pain in the butt, let me tell-- Okay. Over-sharing. Um, what do you do? Date: Okay. Well, where to start? I find that the most exciting thing about market research is the variety. I mean, the arenas we interface with, whether it be the job's pharmaceutical validation of qualification, FDA compliance, info tech, you name it. First thing we do is we get a database in order. [Paige becomes distracted] Blah, blah-blaah, ah, blah, blah-blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah-blah, blah-blah. Blah, blah-blah-blah, blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah, blah-blah... [She sees Sylvia] Sylvia: Dex? Date: Blah-blah-blah... Dex: Hey, babe. Sylvia: Hey. [She embraces and kisses Dex] Date: Blah, blah-blah, blah... blah, blah, blah-blah. Paige: Blah. [She gets up and walks away from the table] [SCENE_BREAK] Phoebe: So I'm fine with color, but if you can see if Jess can fit me in for a quick cut after my leg wax, that would be great. Assistant: Sure. Do you need me to pick up some candles, you know, set the mood? Phoebe: Oohh! Great idea. Yeah. Make it a couple of dozen. Thanks. Paige: Hey there. Bad time? Phoebe: Hi. No, I'm just getting ready for my big date with Dex tomorrow. Paige: Ohh. Phoebe: Hey. Weren't you on a date? Paige: Egh. Yeah, that didn't go so well. Phoebe: Oh. I know. It's hard. I just got really lucky that Dex showed up at my funeral. Paige: Yeah. Right. You've know him for what, all of a few weeks now? Phoebe: Yeah. It's hard to believe, isn't it? Paige: Yeah. I mean, how well do you really know him? Considering the amount of time you've actually spent together. Phoebe: Paige, where are you going with this? Paige: Nowhere. I swear. Phoebe: Okay. Well, we've been through this before. I didn't like Richard. You didn't like Cole. But we promised each other that we'd stay out of each other's love lives, right? Paige: Okay. Just answer me this. How well do you really know him? Phoebe: [Sighs] Paige, please don't start. Paige: Would it kill you just to slow things down? You know, a smidge? Phoebe: You know, I can't slow things down, because of my premonitions. Paige: They're not always literal. Phoebe: But I still have to honor them, don't I? But look, honey, I really like him, and I really care about him, and he really cares about me, okay? So don't worry, okay? Paige: No, it's not okay. [SCENE_BREAK] [Billie is levitating her nunchucks again] Leo: [from offscreen] Piper! [Billie hears them approach and loses control of the nunchucks, which fly across the room] Piper: I'm a little behind in the crafty department, okay? I didn't have time to hone my skills with a demon attacking every 5 minutes. Leo: It's still not a good idea. Piper: You know what? It's a great idea. While all of those other mothers were out there making cutesy costumes, I had my nose in this book. So this book is gonna help me make a damn cute pumpkin outfit! Leo: [to Billie] What's up? Billie: Oh, you know, just soaking up knowledge. I'm a virtual sponge. Leo: Good. Keep it up. So, you know, hon, besides personal gain-- [to Billie] Why are you so sweaty? Billie: Oh, you know, those, um... the Salem witch-hunts, and the lying and the burning. It's just-- it's out of control. Well, now that I'm all caught up, how about we hop on over to magic school and get some real education? Leo: Okay, we can't. Because, you know, magic school being the hub of good magic, you know, and we don't want to expose ourselves. Billie: Oh, and what is your wife doing? Piper: Making up for lost time. Now zip it! Leo: Actually, she is not gonna use magic to make Wyatt a costume. Piper: Oh, no? Watch me! Leo: You wanted a normal life, remember? Piper: Okay, look, that was before I realized our son was gonna be humiliated in front of his entire class. Billie: Oh, you know that happened to me all the time. It just made me stronger. Piper: And shut it! Leo: Okay, is this about Wyatt's humiliation or yours? Piper: No, it's about Wyatt... and the pageant and-- Leo: And you outdoing Mandi? Piper: Fine. No magic. But I will still make the best damn pumpkin outfit ever. And that woman will be sorry she tangled with me. Billie: That is one desperate housewife. [SCENE_BREAK] Demon #1: Well? Mandi: I'm beginning to gain the boy's trust. Once he knows it's safe to use his powers around me... What's taking you so long? You were supposed to have this cleaned days ago. Demon #2: Yeah, well... it wasn't easy as we thought. It's a lot more trashed-- Mandi: [Walks over and grabs him by the throat] I don't want to hear any more excuses, do you understand me?! [He disintegrates] We need to create a comfortable place for the boy, a familiar place. Or else he'll never do what I want him to do. [The demon inside shakes Mandi's body off herself and to the floor] Don't let that thing die. Not until after I'm done using it to get Wyatt. [SCENE_BREAK] Paige: Okay, honey, I know this is not the morning for this to happen, but the coffee maker's on the fritz. Piper: Oh, that's okay. Do you want me to make you some tea instead? Paige: Tea? Piper: Yeah, it's no problem. I was just cleaning up. Paige: Well, you are in a surprisingly chipper mood for someone who hasn't slept all night. Piper: Well, I had to finish Wyatt's pumpkin costume, didn't I? Paige: And did you finish? Piper: Absolutely. You know, actually being a super-mom can be surprisingly satisfying. Paige: Don't forget. You're really his super legal guardian. Piper: Yes! And are there any other soft spots you'd like to poke at while you're here? Paige: Honey, I'm sorry. Piper: Oh, it's no big deal. I think at least Wyatt knows who his mother really is. Paige: Of course he does. He sees you as Piper. We all do. Piper: Yeah, but it's gotta be confusing for him, especially because all of his classmates think I'm his cousin, his distant cousin. Paige: Look, he's just gonna have to get used to the way things are. Hey, you wanna hear my plan on how to save Phoebe from Dex? Piper: Oh, come on, Paige. Do we really need this in our lives right now? Paige: Do we really need our sister marrying a cheater? Piper: Well...it was just a kiss, right? So, maybe it was his sister? Paige: Ew. That's disgusting. Sisters don't kiss brothers like that. Piper: Paige-- Paige: Look, all I'm gonna do is find out who she really is. Phoebe's never gonna know. Piper: She's gonna kill ya. Paige: She's gonna thank me. All right, my dear. Have a great time at the play. Piper: Thanks. [Holding up pumpkin costume] Ha ha! How do you like me now? [SCENE_BREAK] Mandi's Demon: We're close. Demon #1: Pretty elaborate ritual you got us doing here. When do I get to know who you're planning to conjure? Mandi's Demon: You don't get to know. Demon #1: Actually, I think I do. Especially since I'm the only one who knows how to bring back a demon from the wasteland. Mandi's Demon: If you were the only one, I wouldn't need the boy, now would I? Demon #1: Why do you need him? What does he offer? Mandi's Demon: He offers...power, a power neither you or I possess, a power I'm going to need if I'm going to bring back the demon I have in mind. Demon #1: Tempus? Barbas? Zankou? Mandi's Demon: When it's time-- Demon #1: Now... or I stop what I'm doing. Mandi's Demon: You dare challenge me? Demon #1: No, I just think I have the right to know what we're dealing with, that's all. Especially considering the inherent risk involved with kidnapping the son of a charmed one. Mandi's Demon: I'm not kidnapping him. I'm offering him a new home, a family, a place to express his full potential. Demon #1: Even if you lure him in here, what makes you think he'll stay? Mandi's Demon: Because I'm going to replace the mommy he lost, and the Source will replace his daddy. Demon #1: The Source? We can't bring him back. Mandi's Demon: You're right, we can't. Not without Wyatt, anyway. [She enters Mandi again] Any other questions? [SCENE_BREAK] Paige: I'm sorry. Is that yours? Sylvia: Is your name Sylvia, too? Paige: Sylvia? That's so funny. I thought I recognized you. How are you? Sylvia: Um...fine. Great. Thanks. Paige: You don't remember me, do you? That's okay. It was...a long time ago when we met, kind of a crowded party. Dex introduced us, actually. Sylvia: Oh, Dex! Right. You know, I'm sorry. I don't remember meeting you. Paige: Jo. Jo Bennet. I'm a--I'm an art dealer. Sylvia: Really? So am I. What firm? Paige: Oh! Um... well, I deal mostly with private collectors, you know, kind of hush-hush transactions, stuff like that-- how is Dex? Sylvia: Um, Dex is...good, I guess. Yeah, he just, uh-- he just had a show last week. It went really well. He's got some good stuff. Paige: Great, great. Are you two still going out? Sylvia: Dex and I? No. No, not anymore. Paige: Really? Are you sure about that? Sylvia: Uh...yeah. I think I'd remember that. Why are you asking? Paige: Oh, probably just a little strange thing. I was actually here, um, you know, yesterday, and I--I thought I saw you two kissing. Sylvia: Oh, yeah, that. Um... you know, that was nothing. We were just saying hello. Paige: Oh. Oh. Sylvia: We broke up months ago. Paige: That's great. No! That's awful. Sorry about that. Sylvia: Hey, it was fun while it lasted. You know, it still is fun once in a while, actually. If you, you know, include the break-up s*x. Paige: Break-up s*x? Sylvia: Yeah. Is there anything better? Listen, I gotta run. It was nice seeing you again. Paige: Yeah, it was... real nice seeing you. [SCENE_BREAK] Piper: What do you mean he's not a pumpkin? Mandi: Oh. I can't imagine how it slipped my mind. We decided mice costumes would be more comfortable. Piper: Oh, but Wyatt's really excited about being a pumpkin. Mandi: Oh. Poor thing. Maybe the problem is the green thing on his head. Piper: The... green thing is the stem, the stem of the pumpkin I was up all night making. Mom #1: And it's a cute pumpkin... really. Piper: Well, I think he should wear it. Mom #2: But this isn't about you now...is it? Piper: Excuse me? Mandi: Ladies. We all want the children to be happy, don't we? Especially Wyatt. He's been through so much lately. Mom #1: And losing his mother and all. Mandi: We don't want to traumatize him any further. Piper: Oh, no. He's not traumatized. I mean, he has me. Mandi: And you're doing the very best job you can... considering. Piper: Considering what? Mandi: How new you are at this, how overworked you must be. Mom #2: She's right. You do look exhausted. Piper: I'm fine... and Wyatt's fine. We're all fine. Now... if you'll just excuse me. Mandi: Sweetie, if you're worried about the mouse costume, I can whip one up for Wyatt in a jiffy. Piper: [Forced laugh] I can jiffy-whip one up myself, actually. [Cell phone rings] Mandi: Really, it's no problem. You've done quite enough already. Piper: Right. Leo? [Answers phone] Please tell me there's a demon somewhere because I really need to blow something up. Leo: Sorry. Everything's fine, except Billie wants to go to magic school. Piper: What? No. Leo: That's what I told her, too. Piper: Ooh! That woman is out to get me. Leo: Look, Piper, I think she's defiant, but I think her intentions are good. Piper: Well, she may seem nice and sweet, but there's something deeply tweaked beneath the surface. Leo: Come on, Piper, I don't think Billie-- Piper: No, not Billie. Mandi... the "Miss Too-Good-To-Be-True" I've been griping about. Not only is she getting more cloyingly perfect with every moment, but now she is actually out to get me. Leo: Don't be ridiculous. Piper: Ugh! I wish I could just blow her up. Leo: Piper, you can't blow her up. She's not a demon. Piper: No, she's worse than a demon. She's a room mom! Leo: It's time to come home now, honey, okay? Piper: [Sighs & hangs up] [SCENE_BREAK] Billie: Hi! All right. What'd she say? We're going to magic school or what? Leo: Uh, well, she said what I thought she'd say: No. It's too dangerous. Billie: Come on. Do you always listen to what she says? You guys used to live and breathe danger. Leo: Right, and now we're retired. Billie: Exactly. You're off being Ozzie and Harriet. It's my job to pick up the slack around here. I need to learn quick. And magic school has books, an apothecary, and really bitching weapons. Leo: Which you can read about in the textbooks. Billie: I'm done reading. I'm going to magic school. Leo: How? Billie: I'm a quick study. Leo: Okay, wait. We'll get-- [Billie throws down a potion] [Big cloud of smoke, then Billie & Leo are at magic school] Leo: --exposed. You did it. Billie: I did? How cool. Leo: Something's not right. Billie: Who are they? Are they students? Leo: No, they're demons. Billie: Demons? What are demons doing here? Leo: Taking over. [SCENE_BREAK] Leo: Okay. This is bad. This is really bad. Billie: He's kinda cute, though. Leo: No, they're not cute, okay? They're demons. Do you understand what that means, huh? Hurt, maim, kill. Billie: A lot of monosyllables. Got it. Leo: No, you don't have it. If they've taken over, it means they have access to everything, spells, maps, weapons. Billie: You know what? These might come in handy. Leo: Look, with everything here, they can wipe us all out, okay? Whitelighters, elders, gnomes. Billie: Witches? Leo: Everything. Billie: Okay, fine. What do we do? Leo: We gotta get out of here, fast. Billie: All right. Let's go. All right. Leo: So you brought the extra potion, right? Billie: No. Leo: You're kidding. Billie: Do I look like I think ahead? Come on. You used to run the place. How did you back get back and forth? Leo: Paige orbed me. Okay. There is a spell in one of these books, if we can find it. Billie: Okay. I'm listening. Leo: Okay. Here's what we're gonna do-- [Two demons come around the corner and see them] Leo: Okay. Don't move. Don't say a word. Billie: Hyah! [She makes nunchucks fly off the wall to knock out the demons] Leo: Nice. Billie: Will you give me an hand? Leo: What are you doing? Billie: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. [SCENE_BREAK] Piper: [to an empty house] Leo? Leo? [SCENE_BREAK] Mandi: Let's see. What do we have in here? Oh...boy. Well, you don't want to eat this dry, yucky sandwich your guardian made, do you? Dumb old cousin! Dumb old guardian. Here you go. You can have this. All right? Wyatt: Mommy. Mandi: Mommy? Aww, sweetheart. Listen, I know you miss your mommy, but I'm here. And I love when you do your magic. I do. In fact, why don't we just orb this poo-poo sandwich right into that trash can? Can you do that? No one's watching. [He orbs it] Look at that. Good boy! Good boy! Good job! Let's do that again. [SCENE_BREAK] Paige: Okay. Okay. For Phoebe. [She makes herself look like Sylvia, then enters Dex's place] Dex: I created this one as a companion to the one I already sold you. Hi, Sylvia. Paige (as Sylvia): I hope I'm not interrupting. Dex: Actually, if you could just give-- Customer: It's all right. We can come back. Dex: Are you sure? Customer: We need to think about it anyway. We'll call you. Dex: Thanks for coming by. Let me know what you think. Paige (as Sylvia): I hope I didn't screw up a sale. Dex: Uh, what are you doing here, Sylvia? Paige (as Sylvia): What, I'm fine in the sack, but I don't rate a work visit, huh? Dex: What? Paige (as Sylvia): Please. Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. Dex: But I don't know what you're talking about. Paige (as Sylvia): How quickly they forget. Okay, look, here's the deal, buster. It's over, all right? Finito. No mas. Yesterday's news, got it? Dex: Uh, no, not really. Paige (as Sylvia): Do I have to spell this out for you? I am done with the break-up s*x. It's not fair to me or anybody else that you might be... seeing at the moment, understand? Dex: Yeah, but-- Paige (as Sylvia): Uh-uh. Forget it. No more freebies. It's time to make an honest man out of yourself. Be true to the one you love. Dex: What the hell are you talking about? Paige (as Sylvia): You know damn well what I'm talking about. Dex: We haven't slept together in over 2 months. Paige (as Sylvia): We haven't? Dex: No. Paige (as Sylvia): Do I...lie a lot? Dex: That's why we broke up. Phoebe: [Enters] Dex. Hey. Paige (as Sylvia): Phoebe! Phoebe: Excuse me? Paige (as Sylvia): Freebies. We were just talking about freebies. Dex: [Sighs] Julie, Sylvia. Phoebe: Hi. Nice to meet you. Paige (as Sylvia): Yeah. You, too. Oh, gosh. Look at the time. I gotta go. Nice meeting you. Take care. Bye-bye. Dex: Uh...ex-girlfriend. Phoebe: Uh-huh. Paige: [Outside Dex's place] Whew! Whew, whew, whew. [SCENE_BREAK] Billie: Would you just leave it alone? It looks hot. Leo: Really? Thanks...I think. [Demon walks toward them and bumps Billie as he passes] Billie: Hey! Watch it, buddy! Leo: Are you trying to get us killed? Billie: Well, we're supposed to be evil, not imps. Leo: Let's just find the spell, okay? Billie: Fine. [They walk into the main hall where all the demons are] Leo: Everything's out of order. Billie: What is? Leo: The books. Nothing's where it's supposed to be. Billie: What do you think they're doing? Leo: I don't know, but I don't want to hang around. [Mandi appears with Wyatt] Billie: Wyatt. Mandi: Welcome home, sweetie-pie. You want to play with the toys? Wyatt: Yeah. Mandi: Come over here... Billie: How did she even get Wyatt? Leo: I should have let Piper blow her up. Billie: What, you know her? Leo: Yeah, she's Wyatt's room mom, or so she said she was. What does she want with him? Billie: Wait, what-- where are you going? Leo: I'm going to see my son. Billie: Are you insane? Look around, you're gonna get us killed. You're gonna get me killed. Leo: [Sighs] We've got to get out of here. We gotta get help. Mandi: Feels good to be back at magic school, doesn't it? It's where you belong. [to Demon #1] Is everything ready? Demon #1: Yes. Although, are you sure you know what you're doing? Mandi: The boy trusts me, otherwise he would have orbed me-- Demon #1: I wasn't talking about the boy. I was talking about the Source. Leo: [At the bookshelves] Found it. Billie: Who's the Source? Leo: The Source? Demon #1: I'm just saying, he could be pissed. After all, he never thought the Charmed Ones could vanquish him. Mandi: I'll handle him. Demon #1: How? Mandi: I'm bringing him back from the dead, aren't I? He'll owe me, plus he'll have a son of the Charmed One to raise as his very own. What better revenge is there than that? Leo: Okay, the spell's on page 86. You gotta get out of here. Billie: Wait, you want me to go by myself? Why? Leo: I'm not leaving my son. Billie: But you don't have any powers. I have powers. I should stay. Leo: Listen to me, there is nothing worse than the Source, do you understand me? I can't leave my son alone. Billie: Okay, just be careful. [She leaves with the spellbook] [SCENE_BREAK] Teacher: Are you sure another family member didn't pick him up? Piper: Of course, I'm sure, otherwise I wouldn't be freaking out right now. Teacher: Ohh! Okay, okay, here, see? Nothing to worry about. Wyatt is with Mandi. Piper: Mandi?! You let him go with Mandi? Teacher: Well... she has sort of been looking out for him lately. I'm sure he's having the time of his life with her son as we speak. 43CE8BDA.JPGPiper: Really? Then why is her son still here?! She would never-- Teacher: Huh. Well, that's not like Mandi. Piper: Oh. She's a demon! Teacher: Jealousy is an ugly, ugly thing. [SCENE_BREAK] [Paige enters the house] Phoebe: You crazy witch! That was you, I know it! [Phoebe tackles her] Paige: I was just trying to protect you. Phoebe: How, by posing as his ex? Paige: I thought he was cheating on you! Phoebe: I told you to stay out of it. Paige: I saw him kiss her! Phoebe: What?! [Door slams] Piper: Wyatt's been kidnapped, and Leo's missing. [They enter the attic] Piper: Seven years of doing this stuff, I should've known something wasn't right with Mandi. Nobody's that perfect, not even her. Phoebe: But she has a child and a husband. Piper: That's why I think a demon possessed her, to get to Wyatt. [Sighs] Somebody start scrying for him! Paige: Fine, I'm going, I'm going. Phoebe: Okay, I'm gonna work on the vanquishing potion. You work on the depossession spell. Piper: I can't believe I let her take him right out from under my nose. What was I doing? Paige: It's okay. We're gonna get him back. Piper: How? He could be anywhere. [Billie enters] Billie: He's at magic school. Phoebe: Hey, where did you come from? Piper: And how do you know that? Billie: Well, I just came from there. Leo stayed behind to keep an eye on Wyatt. Piper: Why are you wearing that? Billie: If I wasn't, I'd be dead. There's demons everywhere. They're taking over the place. Phoebe: What? How? Piper: Who cares? What do they want with Wyatt? Billie: They need him to help bring back the Source? Okay, Leo looked just like that when he heard that name. Who is this guy? I mean, how do we nail him? Piper: You don't. We do. You're not ready, trust me. Paige: Well, ladies, how are we enjoying our demon-free existence now? [SCENE_BREAK] Mandi: [To Wyatt] You can use all the magic you want here. Whatever you want, whenever you want. Isn't that fun? But first, I want you to help me bring back a special friend of ours, somebody who's going to be very, very happy to see you, okay? Wyatt: Yeah. Mandi: All right. Good. It'll be easy. I'll show you. Demon #1: Don't you want the Source to know the real you, so he knows you're a demon? Mandi: I don't want to risk scaring the child. Stand back. [Sweetly] Ready. Okay. We call to you that away was torn, return, master of all evil born. [To Wyatt] Put your finger in it. It'll make some really neat magic. [Deep breath] [The Source is thrown into the room out of a pentagram on the wall] Mandi: My lord. Source: Where am I? Who brought me back? Mandi: We did. [SCENE_BREAK] Mandi: It was me, actually, who brought you back. Source: Why? Mandi: Why else? Power. Yours, mine, his. One big, unstoppable, happy family. Source: What possible power could he have that I might covet? Mandi: Charmed power. That's right, he's the first born. The prophecy. Source: How did you get him away? Mandi: The Charmed Ones are dead. I'm sorry to spoil your fun.I'm sure you would have wanted revenge. Although, our raising him as evil might be even better, don't you think? Source: You've got it all work out, don't you? Except for one thing - why do I need you? Mandi: Because every mortal boy needs his mommy, and I'm sure you would enjoy being the head of a demonic dynasty. Source: [Hisses] What's your name, little boy? Leo: Let him be. Source: What did you say? Leo: You don't want to scare him. He's not used to our kind. Mandi: Who are you? I've never seen you before. Leo: I've been here. I've also been at the boy's house with Zankou. Source: Is that a fact? [Wyatt orbs himself over to Leo] Leo: That's how he knows me, obviously. Source: He seems to more than just know you. Mandi: Leave us. Source: Who are you? [The sisters orb into a room off one of the hallways] Phoebe: Billie was right. It's demon central. [They peek down the hall and hear Leo] Leo: Just trying to help you with the kid, that's all. Source: Now why don't I believe that? Piper: We gotta hurry. Leo's in trouble. Paige: Well, how are we gonna stop the Source if we have no potions? Piper: It's gonna take a lot more than potions. Paige: How'd you do it last time? Piper: Not the same way we're gonna do it this time. Phoebe: You have a plan? Piper: Yeah, and it starts with Mandi. Mandi: If you don't trust him, just kill him. Then we'll go on a family outing, slaughter a few innocents, have a picnic. Source: There's not a drop of evil in him. He's not a demon at all! Oh! This is too good to be true... Daddy. Mandi: What?! Wait. [Mandi's demon is thrust out of her body] What happened? Who did this? Piper: We did. [Leo picks up Wyatt and hides behind a couch] Source: I should have known the Charmed Ones weren't really dead. Only you've gone soft in my absence. without the Hollow, you can't hurt me. Piper: Oh, really? Hey, cupcake! [Blows up Mandi's demon] [As Mandi's demon is vanquished, the Source gets destroyed with her] Source: Aah! No! Aah! Pheobe: Talk about your ball and chain. Paige: I don't really understand. How did you- Piper: Well, she conjured him so they're connected. She goes, he goes. Phoebe: For eternity now. Paige: Okay, well, we probably should get out of here before any other demons recognize us. Phoebe: What are we gonna do with her? [Nods towards Mandi's body] Piper: Oh, come on. We don't need to save her. What? She's still too perky. [SCENE_BREAK] Paige: [Entering attic] Hey there. Billie: Hi. Paige: What are you still doing up? Billie: Oh, just studying. Paige: Yeah? Well, you should give it a bit of rest for tonight. Billie: Oh, thanks, but I just want to look up a few more things. You know, I didn't realize I had to learn how to vanquish vanquished demons. Paige: Yeah, well, that's the funny thing about here. Nobody really stays dead for long. Billie: Yeah, I'm noticing that. [Doorbell rings] Oh, wait, Paige. Paige: Yeah? Billie: Are you guys worried at all about demons being at magic school? Like, what can they do there? Paige: Yeah, we are pretty worried. So in that case, maybe you should stay up and study a little longer. [Exits] [SCENE_BREAK] Phoebe: [Answers the door] Dex, hey. What are you doing here? Dex: I was hoping we could talk. Phoebe: Yeah, of course. Come on in. Dex: Um... look, I wanted to apologize for what happened earlier. Phoebe: Apologize? Dex: About Sylvia, I mean. Phoebe: Oh, you know, I don't think that you need to explain yourself about any of that. Dex: No, I do. Phoebe: No, I think I have a pretty good idea of what was going on. Dex: Actually, you don't. Not completely. There's nothing going on between Sylvia and I anymore, really. Phoebe: Okay, then why-- Dex: We broke up a while ago. But I've sort of been staying in contact with her. Phoebe: Staying in contact? Dex: [Sighs] Look, I should have probably made a cleaner break than I did, but I guess I didn't realize that till today. I'm not looking for anybody else in my life right now, Julie. I just want you. Forgive me? [He leans in to kiss her] Phoebe: Hold that thought. [She turns and walks to the stairs where Paige is watching] Paige: Hi. Don't mind me, I was just, um-- I was just coming to say good-night. Phoebe: No, you weren't, but thank you. Paige: For what? Phoebe: For butting in. Paige: Well, you're welcome. Phoebe: Just don't do it again. [SCENE_BREAK] Piper: Pinch me. Leo: Why? Piper: [Chuckles] 'Cause I can't believe we're actually going to see a real, live, normal, school play. Leo: Hard to believe. Piper: Yeah. Still, you know, we should let Wyatt blow off some magical steam every now and then. Leo: Good idea. See Mandi over there? Piper: Yeah. If she only knew. Leo: She might. [Chuckles] Maybe on some cellular level. [Whispers] Might make her more likeable. Piper: [Whispers] I doubt it. [Applause as the kids take the stage] Leo: Doesn't get more perfect than this. [Piper smiles]

Wyatt's school play Cinderella brings out the competitive nature in Piper when her hand-sewn costume and parenting abilities are criticized by another mother. Things go from bad to worse when it is revealed that this Stepford-wife-like "Oh-so-perfect" mother is in fact possessed by a demoness focused on kidnapping Piper's son Wyatt and using him in a plot with other demons to resurrect the Source of All Evil at Magic School ; which the demons have forcibly taken possession of after the (believed and faked) deaths of the three Charmed Ones. Meanwhile, Paige sees Dex with another woman, who turns out to be his ex-girlfriend who is a compulsive liar, and despite Phoebe's objections, interferes by masquerading as the woman and expecting evidence Dex is two-timing Phoebe. Dex apologizes to Phoebe after Paige commits her interfering faux pas and her masquerade crashes, saying he probably shouldn't have stayed in touch with and should have made a more complete break with his old girl earning points for earnestness and honesty. Meanwhile, Billie and Leo sniff out the plot at magic school and research a spell to return Billie to our world for power-of-three reinforcements while Leo stays nearby with Wyatt who has accompanied the possessed mother there. With Wyatts powerful help, the demoness has conjured the source who appears to be fully resurrected and ready to take command again in the Underworld. Billie's timely return with Paige, Phoebe and Piper enables the three to intervene in the demon's festivities. Piper vanquishes both threats by dealing with the demoness-who has linked the two by her conjuration of the source which consequently was not as powerful and troublesome as the original incarnation of source because the magical link to the demoness gave it a new vulnerability.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_01x10

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_01x10_0

[Jenna's house] Jenna: Why are you here Logan? Logan: I missed you. I was out of town. Jenna: yeah, I got the email! Logan: you got an email? Jenna: You didn't send an email? Logan: I can explain. Just invite me in and I tell you everything. Jenna: I'm not gonna invite you in. Forget it! Logan: come on Jenna. It's me! Jenna: the answer is no! Logan: I know you. You're always one step from "maybe", tidy nasty "yes" Jenna: you've just pointed it out that I've no self-control. Clever strategy! [Jenna closes the door and Logan is on the street] A neighbor: Good evening! [Logan looks at him then a woman passes] The woman: hey, you're the guy from the news, Logan Fell. I watch you every night. Oh, I used to, I mean. You've been missing from my TV. Logan: I took some time off. The woman: I noticed. I'm Daphne. Logan: hey you know something, Daphne? The woman: No, what? [Logan bites her] [House- Jeremy is reading the book of his father] "I live in fear. It consumes me. In the early evening that I see the sun begins the fade; the fear comes because I know that the night brings death." [Elena and Jenna are in the hall of their houses and talk] Elena: Jeremy is gonna sketch pad note. Jenna: You're kidding? Elena: Nope but don't say word. The minute we encourage him, he'll put it away. Jenna: psychology major. Check that! Jenna: You and Stefan? Update? Elena: He knows how I feel and works and I know where he stands and it doesn't matter. He's leaving, moving away. Jenna: Where is he going? Elena: I stopped asking questions. The answers get scary. [Out of the house] Jenna: your leaves, mine returns. Elena: Logan? Jenna: He's back. I didn't let him pass my door. Elena: Hope you slam down his face Jenna: yes, medium Elena: three cycles, Jenna. Not even watch the news! Jenna: exactly! No more Logan slam Fell [Salvatore's house: living room] Stefan: so any ideas where you go? Damon: I don't know. London, maybe! See some friends. Stefan: You don't have any friends, Damon. Damon: you're right Stefan. I only have you. So, where we're going? Stefan: WE are not going anywhere. I'm gonna live my life as far away from you as possible. Damon: but we're team! We could travel the world together. We can try "The Amazing race" Stefan: That's fine! Seriously, where you're going because we are not staying in this town. [Someone rings at the door] Sheriff: I'm here to see Damon Stefan: Sure, OK. Damon: sheriff, what surprise! Sheriff: sorry to bother you but we need to talk Damon: come in. [Damon and the sheriff go in the garden] Damon: I hope you understand the secrecy. Stef doesn't know about this yet and I'd like to keep it that way. Sheriff: of course, kids are too young to be brought into this. Damon: so, what you need? Sheriff: there's been another attack. A female victim, throat tore out, completely drained of blood. If it's repeater... Damon: I'm sorry I don't understand. I thought we solved that problem when.... I staked the blond one Sheriff: I think that she must have turned someone, a multiple someone. I don't know. The story for the town is another animal attack but I'm not sure how long we can keep lying to them. The council is on up board. We thought we were passed this. Damon: and so, what we do? Sheriff: you're the only one who has never taken on a vampire. We were hoping you could tell us. [School] Matt: and the bally dance and the Krumper of salsa Caroline: I was awake for that way Matt: oh I don't know when you feel asleep. Hum, did you see the Celine Dion waltz about cancer? Caroline: those always make me cry! Matt: and then the judge can screaming and I can take it so I turned it off Caroline: I saw 'the family guy', so you hold me [School: Elena & Bonnie] Elena: did I miss something? Bonnie: they've been hanging out Elena: kind of weird, don't you think? Bonnie: she needs someone nice like him as opposed to a vampire like Damon. Elena: yeah, how are you doing with all that? Bonnie: I'm freak out. Damon attacked me and I could be death right now but I'm also grateful. Elena: hum? Bonnie: to Stefan. He saved my life, and... Have you seen him? Elena: No since he's used he's leaving. For all I know, he's probably gone. Bonnie: He wouldn't leave without saying goodbye. Elena: yes, he will. He thinks he's protecting me: a clean break and all that. Bonnie: so what're gonna do? Elena: what am I supposed to do? I've already beg to don't go. If I ask him, I'm being self-fish. It is what it is. Bonnie: maybe, it's for the best! Elena: what? Why? Bonnie: I mean what kind of future could you have with him even if he stayed? Elena: did you... Bonnie: no, I swear. [Salvatore's house] Damon: Thank you for stepping by. Sheriff: let me know if you come on this Damon: Absolutely [Sheriff leaves] Stefan: what's wrong with you? You killed somebody? Damon: get off of me! A) Don't touch me B) If I had, I would not be so obvious about it C) There is another vampire in town. Stefan: that's impossible. Damon: obviously not! Stefan: who could it be? Damon: what do we care? We're leaving anyway, right? Stefan: no, I can't leave now and you know that. How are we supposed to find this person? Damon: don't handle with this stuffs [Front of school] A girl: see you later, ok. Bye. Elena: bye. Stefan: Hi. We need to talk. [School-Basketball terrain] Tyler: So what's up with you and Forbes? Matt: nothing about Tyler: I saw you in the hall today. Don't even try denied, bro. You type her. Matt: no, it's not like that! Tyler: never is until it comes "we" Matt: "we" people? Tyler: yeah, "we can make to the party"; "we never miss a game"; "we don't like the color red" Matt: we are not like twice Tyler: like I said "we" [Front of school] Elena: so you have no idea who it could be? Stefan: none, but it must somebody now because leaving a body like that....rather sloppy or he tries to send a message. Elena: are you sure it's not Damon? Stefan: I'm never sure about Damon, but he's been trying to keep low profile so it's just doesn't make any sense to me. Elena: so what are you gonna do? Stefan: Damon is tracking now, right now. Look I promise you the truth so I wanna to tell you. I want you to be careful. Elena: when I saw you, I thought you were coming to say goodbye. Stefan: not yet! [At Jeremy's: living room] Jeremy: hey what do you think? Jenna: creepy Jeremy: I found this old journal in dad's stuffs, Jonathan Gilbert from the 1800. It's kind of a freak show. He wrote about demons and all of these people getting slaughter and... Jenna: yeah, he was a writer... short stories, horror stuffs. Jeremy: he wrote fictions? Think he was just a limited or a drunk. Jenna: he was a Gilbert, probably a little bite of both. [Front of a warehouse] Caroline: So what we do now? Damon: Just wait. I'll be there in a... Caroline: can you hurry? I've things to do. Damon: can you give me then? Caroline: so what did you need me to do this? Damon: Because I interfere the signal Caroline: Can I go now? This is burned out the half of my day. Damon: you do that! Take your car and go home. And forget me to ask you to do this! Caroline: ok, bye now Damon: bye [In the warehouse] Logan: I've tons of these wood boots so nothing funky Damon: you don't wanna do this, trust me. Logan: that's what you get Damon: for what? Logan: you make me like this! Damon: I killed you. I didn't turn you. Logan: See I know you and your brother are. I've watching the 2 of you. I knew you appear and I glad that you did because I've some questions. Damon: me first. Who turns you? Logan: how should I know? Last thing I remember, it's about to stake your brother and then you crapped me. That's it! Until I wake up in the ground behind a used car dealership on highway 4. Somebody buried me. Damon: It happens. Logan: you bite me. It had to be you! Damon: Lift a vampire blood system when you died. I didn't do that! Some other vampires find you, give you them blood. Logan: who? Damon: that's what I wanna know Logan: dude, it's like the welcome wagon was waiting with a pancake and a handbook. It's been a learning huge go process. One minute, I'm a small town on the rise news guy and next thing I know, I can't get into my house because my full bulk don't go through the door. Damon: you have to be invited in. Logan: I know. I leave alone. Damon: Oh, That sucks! Logan: so now, I am at the Ramada, watching papers view all day, eating everything inside including house-keeping Damon: it could be worst! Logan: all I can think about its blood and killing people. I can't stop killing people, I can keep killing and I like it. I'm conflicted. Damon: welcome to the club. Wait! Cobs found one body. Logan: I left one. I was tired but I've hidden the rest of bodies. There were back there. Damon: you're kidding? Logan: they pile up. [School] Maier: so what do we know? Sheriff: nothing in the report again. My highly reliable deputies are on their work but if you feel the need to be more proactive by all means perhaps a stake and have them. Maier: What cautions college is it gonna take? Sheriff: for right now, there is no more safe in the crowded public place and for once, actually, we know where our kids are. [School: Tyler & Jeremy] Tyler: what do you want? Jeremy: hey, I'm just surprise to see you here. Art usually implies culture and culture implies, eh, not you. Tyler: go the hell! [School] Elena: Still wanna be an astronaut? Matt: I can't believe you remember that. Elena: I can remember the tinfoil you wore on your head. Matt: I was eight Elena: how are you doing? Matt: it has been easier. You? I heard some times. So it's true than you and Stefan... Elena: yes, it is. What about you, Matt Donovan? I heard about Caroline. Matt: oh men, not you too. We're friends. It's not a big deal. Elena: No? Matt: No. [Warehouse] Logan: why am I so overly emotional? I can think about my ex-girlfriend. I wanna be with her and bite her and stuff. Damon: you may probably love her. Anything you felt before will be magnified now. You've to learn how to control that! Logan: what about walking on the sun? I'm a morning person. You can walk on the sun which is by the way, is pretty cool. The council will never suspect you. That's not in the journals. Damon: the journals? Logan: yeah, the founding fathers said pass out journals to the kids. Come on men, you get to tell me. How can you walk around in the sun? Damon: who turned you? Logan: how do you walk in the sun? Damon: who turned you? Logan: you know, I've been really nice so far but I will kill you! Damon: and you never know. You don't answer my question! Logan: you first! Damon: it seems we have been in an impasse then, doesn't it? Logan: I've things to do, people to kill. Guess I have been a longer length start. [SCENE_BREAK] [At school] Elena: I'm guessing you're not here to plan future. You're looking out for me Stefan: hope that's ok. You know I wanted to be a doctor before it happened, but I couldn't Elena: the blood Stefan: yeah, I've dubbed thing, fun of different things so. Elena: you didn't love anything enough to sleep to it. Stefan: no I loved that all. It's just...I had to move on before anybody can notice that I wasn't getting any older. Elena: how long before that would happen? Stefan: few years, usually. Sometimes shorter Elena: and you always left Stefan: I haven't the choice. So, what about, what about you? Any plan for the future? Elena: I don't wanna talk about my future Stefan because everything you're saying is making a perfect life where you're not gonna be in. Stefan: Elena, it's not that I don't wanna be in Elena: you can't, I get it! I've heard you the first time and the second time and I appreciate you're looking out for me but please, if you're gone leave, then just go. Jenna: hide me. Elena: what's going on? Jenna: this scum Fell has landed. Elena: Logan's here? Stefan: wait, Logan Fell? [Stefan goes in the hall of the school] Elena: Stefan, what's going on? Logan: Jenna, you're dodging me! Jenna: it's a form of self-preservation. Stefan: Elena, why you and Jenna don't go somewhere else? Elena: let's go. [Elena & Jenna leave] Stefan: what are you doing here? Logan: you know, your brother asked me the same thing. In fact, why don't we just keep pass the all leg who turned me stuff to get the answer that I want? How can I turn into a day walker? Stefan: Damon and I are the only keepers that know it. Logan: But you both are cagey on the how which tells me that there is a way. You know. In case that you haven't noticed, I'm quite a celebrity in this town. It would be very, very easy for me to expose you. Stefan: you wanna know how you can walk around in the sun? Logan: I do Stefan: You can't. Don't ever threat me again! [Jenna & Elena] Elena: when Logan came to the house, what did he say? Jenna: fake flattery and stupid deepen grin, puppy dog eyes. Elena: I'm serious Jenna. How did he act? What did he say? Jenna: he's usual Logan, charming, a little more maniac than usual. He kept try to convince me to let him in. What? Elena: Ok, listen to me very carefully. Do not, in any circumstances, talk to him again. I'm serious, Jenna, look ever! Alaric: hey Elena. Jenna Elena: Hey Mister Saltzman. Alaric: I hoped to see you again. Jenna: carrier's night is the new bowling. Elena: ok, excuse me. [Elena leaves] [Out of the school - Damon & Stefan - conversation on the phone] Damon: Logan Fell is a vampire and when I found him again, I'm gonna destroy him limb by limb. Stefan: What happened? Do you ok? Damon: no, I'm not ok! I was embellished; I was shot. Now, I'm vengable. Just got to find them. Stefan: there is no need. He's here in school. Damon: you're kidding me? Why the hell is he there? Stefan: he's working crowd. Damon: well, I'll be right there. [Out of school] Elena (to Stefan): so, anything you'd like to share? [School] Sheriff: what are you doing? Caroline: I'm founding my future. There it is. Sheriff: broadcast journalism? Caroline: yes! Broadcast journalism. Why are you looking at me like that? Sheriff: you don't even read paper. [Caroline leaves] Logan: Liz Sheriff: Logan Logan: what you're gonna do: Stake me; bury me in another shallow grave? What the email say this time? Sheriff: I've not the choice. Logan: you...Bitch! I died for you, for this town. You've known me since I was 6 and you swept me under the rock like dirt. Sheriff: You know where you're getting it. Logan: I was one of you Sheriff: now, you're one of them. Logan: watch your back, sheriff! [Logan leaves - Sheriff is on the phone] Sheriff: Get a backup team at the school immediately. Keep it within the circle. It's a V5. [School hall] Jeremy: I didn't know you drew Tyler: it's an elective. Jeremy: because it's good stuffs. You like graphics? Because...it's kind of my thing. Tyler: oh, what you doing? Jeremy: that's just something else we have in common. Tyler: what's the other thing? Vicki? Let's hang up because we dated the same chip. Go be friends with one of the many other guys that she screwed, there is no short gentleman. [Fight between both] Alaric: ok working out guys. Maier: you two, follow me! Alaric: excuse me, Maier. Where're you taking them? Maier: I'm gonna talk to them. All fights should end with an handshake, don't you think? [Out of school] Caroline: Bonnie, where are you? I'm ready to go. I'll be in the outside. Logan: hey, lady on distress, need a ride? Caroline: oh my god. Logan Fell, channel 9, that's you? Logan: I used to be seen Caroline Forbes. Don't mock me! Caroline: oh, I was supposed to go home with Bonnie but I can't find her. Logan: that's not a problem, really. It's on the way. Caroline: this is fate. Logan: and why Is that? Caroline: because I'm interested in broadcast journalism. So can I ask you a couple questions? Logan: anything you want. First, buckle up. Caroline: ok [School] Elena: have you seen Logan Fell, the news guy? Matt: yeah, he's just taken Caroline by home. Stefan: stay here! [Out of school] Maier: ok, let's get keep its old used system. Go ahead, Fight! Jeremy: you wanna us to what? Tyler: I'm not gonna fight dad. Jeremy: I don't think so, Sir. Maier: you fight here like pansies. You take it outside, fight your battles like men and move on! That's les my dad talking. So let's seld! Fight! Tyler: come on, dad. Jeremy: that is not gonna happen. Maier: I said fight! Alaric: what's going on here? Maier: let's these two kids working out. We're good here. Go back inside! Alaric: I don't wanna go back inside. I wanna want is an answer to my question. What's going on here? Maier: what do you think you're talking to? Do I look a student? Alaric: no! You look like a fall ground half-man duce back. Maier: don't talk to me like that! I get every job like this! Alaric, ah you do that. It will be you and me on this parking lot, working things on. You cool with that? Maier: just watch yourself. Alaric: ok [Maier and Tyler leave] Alaric (to Jeremy): you're alright? [Sheriff in her car - phone calling] Sheriff: where are you? Logan: your daughter has expressed interest in journalism. I think it's important to force young minds. Sheriff: what do you want? Logan: the satisfaction turning your daughter into a vampire. [In the street] Damon: payback is a bitch, is it? Get her out of here. Sheriff (on the phone): Logan, what happened? Damon (phone): Sheriff, yeah, it's Damon. Sheriff (phone): Where is Caroline? Damon (phone): she's ok. I'm on Elm Street. [Damon & Logan] Damon: I try this one more time. Who turned you? Logan: I told you I don't know. Demon: this tire iron here take your head cleans off. So, it's your final answer? Logan: how can you be in the same side of them? Damon: I'm on the side of anyone. You pissed me off. I wanna you death. Who turned you? Logan: I don't know! Damon: oh well, you screwed! Logan: wait. I do know! Damon: you're lying. Logan: you think you're the only one of us to get in that tomb in the navy old church? Damon: If you lie me, I'll end you. Logan: I'm not lying. There is another way to break the spell. We can help you. Meet me at the old church. Damon: take me off. Makes look crap. Makes it look real! [Sheriff arrives - Logan leaves] Sheriff: where is she? Damon: she's ok. My brother takes her home. I'm sorry, sheriff. I wasn't stronger. [At school] Elena: Caroline? Stefan: she's ok. I took her home, she was shaked. All she knows It's Logan attacked her. Elena: Where is Logan? Stefan: Damon ... is dealing with him. Elena: as in... Stefan: you saw what happened tonight. You may understand why we can be together. You see? Elena: yes, I'm seeing a lot of things, Stefan. Come on. I'll give you a ride Stefan: I can get home Elena: I know Stefan: Right, it would be nice [Out of school] Jeremy: yeah. Tyler: what do you want? Jeremy: I don't know. I thought that it was weird with your dad, what he did. Is he like that all the time? Is that...Is that what you go through? Men I get it. I get it. What's your problem? Tyler: I don't need your pie. Jeremy: seriously you don't have to be like that. Tyler: just go! Jeremy: What is your problem, men? Tyler: I don't know. Ok. I don't know. [In front of Salvatore's house] Elena: what I said before your leaving, it was harch. Stefan: no, you've every right. Elena: you asked me what I want it my future to be. I wanted to be a writer. My mum, a sort of push me in that direction from the time I was able to read. She's supported me, encouraged me, bought my first journal, and then she died. And I can't see myself being a writer anymore. That was something that we shared. I know you think you put all of these bad stuffs in my life but my life already had it. I was barred in it. Stefan: this is different. Elena: it doesn't make any less painful. Stefan: I know that it's hard to understand but I'm doing this for you. Elena: No, you don't get to make the decision for me. If you walk away, it's for you because I know what I want. Stefan, I love you. [They kissed each other then go inside the house] Elena: don't Stefan: Elena, I can't Elena: yes, you can. Don't hide from me. [In front of the warehouse] Logan: who are you? Alaric: a friend of Jenna Logan: Jenna sends you? Alaric: No, I came on my own. Logan: ah, I get it. Well, body, I know you think it makes you brave. But actually it makes you pretty stupid. Alaric: By the way, here I am Logan: what do you want? Alaric: Jenna is a good person. She deserves the best. I make sure she gets it Logan: is that supposed to be a threat? Could you throat punch? Maybe provoke me a little? Alaric: I'm a violent guy by design. Logan: you're not a very smart one neither Alaric: How's that? Logan: because you've no idea who you're talking to [School- parking lot] Tyler: I need a ride Matt: sure. Look, I like Caroline. She's got this thing....this way butter....and I like her ok? I'm not gonna defending or apologize about. Tyler: ok Matt: so stop your little romance bitch act. Tyler: ok [Sheriff is in Caroline's room and got a call] Sheriff: yeah, I'll be right there. [Stefan's room] Elena: I've never been in your room before. Stefan: it hasn't changed much over years. Elena: do you leave everything here when you come and go? Stefan: it's the only place that...that remains constant. This room holds all the memories that I left was important enough to hold on to. Elena: lot of memories Stefan: yeah. Are you dirty or anything? Elena: a little. You? Stefan: I' m fine. I'm getting you some drink ok? Elena: ok [Demon & The sheriff on the phone] Damon: hallo Sheriff: I just wanna to say thank you. I don't know how you did it. Damon: hum, not following. Sheriff: we found Logan's body up by the old fair warehouse. It has been disposed of. It was crowding victims, innocents' victims. Damon: what? Sheriff: town holds you so much. So do I. [Stefan's room] Stefan: Elena? [Elena's driving. She's accident and she hurts someone]

Jeremy decides to return to his hobby of sketching fantasy creatures that he had stopped upon the death of his parents. Meanwhile, the vampire Logan attacks and kills several people throughout the town. Matt and Caroline continue to hang out together. He tells Tyler that he likes hanging out with Caroline. Sheriff Forbes tells Damon of a new recent attack, and he discovers Logan doesn't know who turned him. Stefan meets with Elena and he tells her about the new vampire in town and has no idea who it is. Alaric helps with a small dispute among Jeremy, Tyler and Mayor Lockwood. Logan kidnaps Caroline after a dispute with the sheriff, but Stefan and Damon save her. Logan tells Damon he knows of another way to resurrect Katherine. Elsewhere, Elena tells Stefan that she loves him and he decides to stay in Mystic Falls. Stefan and Elena then sleep together. But when Stefan goes to get a drink for Elena, she discovers the photo of Katherine see that she looks exactly like her and leaves his house abruptly, leaving her vervain necklace behind with the photo. Alaric confronts Logan and tells him to leave Jenna alone. Logan tries to attack him, but gets staked and dies. Elena is involved in a car crash while trying to avoid a man in the middle of the road, but realizes that the man is more than human. The last shot is of the stranger approaching the car and Elena screaming.

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Nathan (voice over) : Stepping up, it's a simple concept. It basically means to rise above yourself to do a little more, to show you're something special. Something like this. It is involved in the gymnasium. Then, it is during a match where it marks. Nathan (voice over) : Lucas is gone, but that doesn't mean the season is over. As a matter of fact, I'd say it's just beginning. You might want to stay out of my way for a while. It marks Mouth : Another ferocious dunk by Nathan Scott and this crowd is on their feet ! Nathan (to Haley) : You sure you don't want to sleep with me until the ceremony? I know I look pretty sexy right now. Haley laughs. Nathan (voice over) : Life's funny sometimes. It can push pretty hard. Like when you fall in love with someone but they forget to love you back. Like when your best friend and your boyfriend leave you alone. Like when you pull the trigger or light the flame and you can't take it back. Like I said, in sports they call this stepping up. In life, I call it pushing back. At Jake's, in the morning, Peyton awakes in Savannah. Jake : Hey. Peyton : Hey. Jake : Jenny didn't wake you up, did she? Peyton : No. I mean, not ... Not really. So what happened to you last night? Jake : Jenny was a little fussy, so we slept on the couch. Peyton : Oh. I didn't get a chance to thank you before I crashed for getting in touch with me after the whole shooting thing. It's a pretty good deal, right? You know, take a bullet, get a call from Jake. Jake : I really wish I could've been there for you Peyton. Peyton : I know. Jake : So listen, this is all kind of last minute, but I actually sort of had plans today. Peyton : Oh, yeah, of course, you did, I'm sorry, I ... Jake : No, it's just that Jenny and I, we usually spend Saturday mornings in the park. So I though maybe you'd like to come. Peyton : That sounds perfect. In Tree Hill, Haley awaits when a boy accoss it Boy : Excuse me. You're Haley, right? Haley : Yeah. Boy : You look good in blue. It suits you. Haley : Thanks. Boy : You know what else would look good on you? Me. Haley : Oh. Boy : I'm Damien West. Nathan : I think you're out of your league. Damien : Nathan Scott. Haley : What, you two know each other ? Nathan : From High Flyers. You still missing your free throws, West? Damien: Who cares? They don't show free throws on Sports Center. You know what else they don't show? Ravens. Hey, I heard you guys lost your shooter. So I guess your season's over, huh? Nathan : No, I don't think so. Damien : Well, unless you win this tournament, you're not making post-season. And you're not gonna win this tournament, beacause we are. And we're underfeated. Nathan : For now. Let's go, Hales. Damien : See you on the court, Scott. And Haley, I'll see you in your dreams. In Savannah, Jake, Peyton and Jenny are at the park. Jake : Peyton Sawyer. It's so crazy that you're here. Peyton : I think when my dad told me to follow my heart, he didn't anticipate me following it all the way down to Savannah for the weekend. How's your life Jake ? Jake : Well, twice a week it's awesome. Those are the days I get Jenny. Peyton : What? Jake : Yeah, it's a long story. Basically. (At Jenny). Hey, let's go. Come on, let's go. (At Peyton). Basically, when Nicki left Tree Hill, she took Jenny here to Savannah to be with her parents. But her parents finally had enough, of both of us. So they petitioned the court for custody of Jenny for a year. Just long enough for me and Nicki to prove that we can keep our lives together, you know. Like keep a job or stay out of trouble, Here's a slide. Peyton : So wait, Nicki's here? (At Jenny). Hey, come on baby. Jake : Yeah. She stars with her folks. She gets Jenny most of the time. It took me a while to be okay with that, but I actually think she's really trying. Anyways, basically I can't do anything. No drinking. They drug test me. I mean, not that that even matters, but ... Like, I can't get a parking ticket. I just sleep, work and hope that in a few months, I'll get custody of Jenny and then I can stat my life again, you know. At Deb's, Dan look a Keith' photo when Deb go home Deb : What are you doing here Dan? Dan : Just dealing with the past. I heard you're home. I wanted to see you. You look good. Deb : You look terrible. Dan : Well, I have'nt been sleeping ver well. The truth is, I've been struggling quite a bit ever since Keith ... I'm trying here, Deb, okay ? I just thought, now that you're back and Nathan's moved out, maybe you're lonely in such a big house. Voice : She's not. Dan : Well, well. It's the racecar-crashing brother. And you staying in my house now Cooper? Cooper : Actually, I'm staying in my sister's house. And because it is my sister's house, I don't think we'll be seeing much of you around here. Unless, of course, you're invited. Dan : You have a problem with me, kid? Cooper : No. But you definitely have a problem with me. Nathan : What the hello is this? Dad, just go home. Dan : I could say the same thing to you Nathan. Heard you moved back in with Hades. I meant, Haley. Nathan : Dad, I'm serious. Let's go. Dan : Don't be a stranger, Cooper. Cooper : Yeah. Nathan : Dad come on. Dan (To Deb) : Welcome home. (To all). Oh, the kid's finally playing well. Try not to almost kill him while you're back. Nathan : Just go, Dad. Dan : I'm going. I'm going. Dan leaves and Nathan follows it outside Nathan : Dad ! What the hell is wrong with you ? Don't you think maybe Mom's had enough? Dan : It's my house Nathan Nathan : No ! It's not ! It's not your house and she's not your wife. Now, dam nit Dad ! You got to stop this crap. Dan : Or what? I'm the freaking mayor of this town Nathan. I can go wherever the hell I want, and do whatever the hell I please. Do you hear me?! Nathan : Yeah, I hear you. So do the neighbors, Mr. Mayor. Dan : This my house. I worked hard to build it. And if I want, I'll burn the damn thing down, and everything in it. Dan gets into his car and from goes away while rolling like insane, while going up even on a pavement. Deb joined Nathan. Nathan : He's getting worse, Mom. At Naley's, Nathan takes a bath while speaking to Haley. Nathan : He's never gonna change, my dad. I can totally see him resorting to the same old manipulative crap. Haley : I'm sorry, I wish I could just take you away from all that. Nathan : Have you heard from Lucas and Karen? Haley : No. Lucas said they were just gonna get on the road and drive. I think probably just need a break at this point. Nathan : Yeah. Haley : Plus, Karen doesn't really want him around the tournament when he can't play, you konw. Nathan : Yeah. Haley passes the glove on the chest of Nathan Nathan : Thank you. Haley : You're welcome. Does it ever hurt. Nathan : No. The scar stopped hurting when my heart stopped hurting, right around the time you came home. Haley want to kiss Nathan but ... Haley : Okay. Nathan : Where'd you go? Oh, I get it. This is the no-sex thing, right? I totally goy you didn't I? Haley : No. Nathan : I told you I was sexy, Haley. Don't lie. Haley : Okay, maybe. Nathan is inserted in the water of the bath while laughing Rachel washes her car in mini shorts. Micro : You know, that's really not fair. I mean, it's one thing to break my heart, but do you have to look like a beer commercial while you're doing it? Rachel : I've been calling you. Micro : Yeah, I just figured you were busy with Old man River. Rachel : He's not that much older than us. Micro : Come on Rachel. I'm not an idiot. Or actually, maybe I am, thinking you were into me. I mean, let's see, we spent a ton of time together. We flirted, kissed a few times. Rachel : Mouth, I didn't mean to lead you on. Micro : It happened anyway, didn't it? I mean, I said I wasn't gonna fall for you, but I kissed you and I woke up wanting to do it again and now here we are. Rachel receives water of the jet, it is Brooke. Rachel : Stop ! Brooke : I thought witches were supposed to melt. Rachel : What the hell is wrong with you? Brooke : What the hell is wrong with me? I'm not the freak with the plastic ass and the thin heart. Rachel : No, you're the freak with the fat ass and no heart ! Brooke : You know waht, girl formerly known as Orca, you led Mouth on and you know it ! So maybe it's time you get back in touch with your inner sperm whale and realize you now have fewer friends than you did before. Rachel : Really? Well, my new friend Lucas just called me. Call you lately? Didn't think so. Brooke : You know Rachel, I would punch you in your fake nose right now but you'd just go out and buy another one. Mouth : Enough ! Just ... never mind. He goes away. Brooke : I am gonna make you regret this. Brooke follows Mouth. In Savannah, Jake et Peyton Jake : All right. So that building right there, that's the courthouse. That's where the judge scared the crap out of me and Nicki. Oh, and that alleyway right there, that's where I threw up, before and after the hearing. Peyton : Good work. Jake : Yeah. And that building on the corner there, that's the Savannah College of Art and Design. Didn't throw up there. Peyton : I hope not. That place is awesome. Jake : That's what I hear. And then, every other building in Savannah is either haunted by some crazy ghost, or witch, or gremlin or something, I don't know. Peyton : And by a sarcastic goth angel? Jake : What? Peyton : Nothing. We all have our ghosts, right? Jake : Yeah. Peyton : So anyway, ths drink is like nectar from heaven. You need to try it. Jake : Okay. (It drinks and puts milk on the nose). Peyton : Jake ! Jake : Yeah. Peyton : Come here. Jake : Yeah, thanks. Peyton : You're a mess. Jake : I know, I got it, I got it. (Their eyes cross and they are ready kiss, but Jake moves back). You wanna get some food with that drink ? Peyton : Yeah. Jake : There's a place right around the corner actually. It's pretty good. They are constrained in Tree Hill, Mouth and Brooke. Mouth : I can't believe you squirted Rachel in the face with her own hose. Brooke : She's just lucky thant golf ball didn't hit her. She probably sucked it out first. Mouth ! Nathan's hot Uncle Cooper's in town. Oh my god, how do I look? Mouth : Like Lucas' girlfriend. Wait a minute. Is that him? Brooke : Nice huh? I'd love me some Uncle Cooper. Mouth : Yeah, well, you're gonna hate this. Uncle Cooper is Rachel's new boyfriend. Brooke : What ! No ! No ! That is not fair ! Mouth : Okay, can I just reiterate my whole broken-heart scenario? Brooke : But if I had known that he would date a girl in high school, I mean, I would ... He wouldn't Mouth. I know Cooper. There is no way he would date a high school girl. Mouth : But I'm sure that was him. Brooke : I'm not saying it wasn't him. I'm saying he doesn't know how old Rachel is. Yet. I think it's time Franken-Rachel felt a little of the heartache you're feeling. In a bar in Savannah. Peyton : Hey Jake, can I ask you a question? Look, I know Nicki's around now, and so I was just wondreing are you guys ... Jake : No. No, but one of the hardest things for me to accept was that Nicki and I are always gonna have Jenny in common, and that Jenny should know who her mother is. I mean, you can unterstand that, right? Peyton : Yeah. Jake : But, no, no, not together. How about you? Seeing anybody? Peyton : Me? No, I mean, not really. I was, kind of, dating Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy. Jake : Yeah. Well, I've been datin Shakira most nights, but she doesn't really know about it. Peyton : I'm serious actullay. I just ... Its souds weird, but it just kind of happened. Jake : That sucks. I mean, not that you dated a guy, just that you dated a rock star. Musicians, they're trouble, you know. Man : All right, well, we'd love to start playing for you all whenever our lead singer decides to stop flirting with those pretty girls. Come on man. Jake : Second job. I'm telling you, you got to watch out for those musicians. (It rises and goes on scene) How you doing tonight? So, I wrote this song for somebody special. It's called Someday. He sings. Peyton look at him. In Tree Hill, Ravens win. Brooke look sat Rachel. Nathan marks. Damien's team wins too. Nathan looks at display panel. Rachel changes in her car to find Cooper. [SCENE_BREAK] At Cooper's. Cooper : You're late. Rachel : But I look hot enough to get away with it, right? Cooper : Maybe. He kisses her. Rachel : Nice house. Cooper : Well, thank you, but it's my sister's. You want the tour ? Rachel : Mostly, I'm just interested in the bedroom. Cooper : That's so not fair. It's upstairs. She takes him along in the room, we see a picture of Nathan with Dan and Deb. In Savannah, Peyton look at the street. Jake joined her. Jake : Did you know that Savannah is literally built on the dead? They placed cemeteries all over the city, and then as it grew they just, kind of, built on top of them. Peyton : Great, I can't wait to go to bed tonight. But I guess you're not gonna be there to protect me, right? You didn't sleep on the couch last night because of Jenny, did you? Jake : Peyton, you need to know that when I saw your face in the airport, I don't think I've been that happy since I've been here. Peyton : But? Jake : Peaple always leave, right ? There's this on-ramp that I pass every day on my way to work and every day I think, I could get on that on-ramp, and I'd be in Tree Hill in six hours, 24 minutes. And I'd be with you. But I'd be without Jenny. And I can't do that. Peyton : You know, you could've called on the phone and told me that. It's not like you're in hiding. Jake : It would have been too hard to hear your voice Peyton. To feel us again. My life is here now. And as mush as I would love to, you're leaving. And I'm the one that's gonna be left with this dull pain in my heart. And that pain, it took me a long time to let go of. Sorry. Peyton : It's okay. I get it. Trust me. Peyton from goes away and returns in the house. Jake follows her. Jake : Peyton ! Peyton ! Peyton : You know what, every song ends, Jake. Is that any reason not to enjoy the music? Forget it. I'll just ... I'll see you tomorrow. She returns in the room and rests against the door, sad. She opens the door, Jake is still there. They are kiss and fall on the bed. The next morning, Peyton awakes. Jake kisses her. Jake : You okay ? Peyton : Yeah. I'm just dreaming. The alarm clock sounds. Jake : Oh, I guess the world's still out there. You know, I have a chance to make some overtime today, but I can call and cancel if you want. Peyton : No, no, no, you should go, I can spend the day alone. Jake : Or I could make a call and maybe I can get you Jenny for the day. Peyton : Could you really? Jake, that would be great. I love that little girl. Jake : I know you do. And I love you for that. Where's your head at, Peyton? Peyton : Me? Jake : Yeah. Peyton : I'm all over the place. I don't know, it's just like ... Like, you know that feeling you get on a Sunday where you just had the whole day to yourself and it's been great, and then you remember you have to go to school the next day, so it ruins the rest of the night? I have to go home tomorrow and so I've got that feeling. It's like Sunday night. Jake : You know, somebody once told me that every song ends but that's no reason not to enjoy the music. Peyton : Ellie told me that. Jake : Well, she was right. Tomorrow's gonna hurt like hell. We both know that. But we're here together now. He kisses her. In Tree hill, Brooke and Mouth enters in Karen's Caf . Brooke : Marvin McFabulous. I wasn't sure you were gonna make it. Mouth: Actually, I got early. Brooke : Well, welcome to the dark side, my friend. Deception for lunch, payback for dinner, and pie for breakfast? Haley : You guys want some breakfast. Mouth and Brooke : Pie. Haley (at Cooper) : Hi, there. Cooper : Hi. Just a cup of coffee, please. Brooke : Hot Uncle Cooper! Well, why don't you come join us? Cooper : Hey Brooke. Brooke : Hi. Cooper : Hey. I'm Cooper. Mouth : Hey, I'm Steve. Cooper : Yeah, you're the flower delivery guy, right? How's it going? Mouth : Oh, I've been better. Cooper : You know, my girl never did say who those flowers were from. Brooke : She wouldn't tell you? She sounds like a shady character. Cooper : No, no. I just think it was personal, that's all. All she'd say was that they were from somebody she really cared about. Look, we all have our histories, right? I don't know, I just think ths guy must've meant something to her. Anyway, you guys don't wanna hear about that. So this is like home court for you two, right? What's good here? Mouth : I ordered the pie, but I don't think I have the stomach for it. Brooke : But ... Mouth's getting up : This new girlfriend, you care about her, right? Cooper : Yeah, I do. Mouth : That's good. Take care of her. Cooper : Okay. Mouth back, Brooke join him. Brooke : Mouth, what about the plan? Payback, pain, pie. She is lying to him. Mouth : I know, but I got to talk to Rachel first, okay ? Brooke : I really wanted pie. At Naley's, Nathan arrives chest-naked. Haley : Hey. How you feeling, sleepyhead? Nathan : Like ass. Haley : Sorry. Lucky for you, this cures that. Nathan : I hope so. (Haley is used to him to drink). Oh, thank you. I am wiped out. We just got to win this one last game though, otherwise Whitey has to retire without making the playoffs. Haley : Well, we can't let that happen. (Haley is put behind him to massage him). Where does it hurt? Nathan : Everywhere. We see Dan arriving by the window. Haley : You guys are playing Oak Lake tonight? Nathan : Yeah. They're undefeated. Haley : And my boyfriend Damien West is he good? Nathan : Yeah, he's pretty good. He's an ass though. Sort of like a young version of my dad. Haley : You know, it's actually hurt me to see what's happened to your relationship with Dan. I just ... Especially now that you're playing so well, you should be able to enjoy that with your father. Nathan : Yeah. It's a little late for that though. Probably just as well. With the way I've been feeling, I don't think I have another great game in me. Haley : I don't believe that for a second! Besides, I'm gonna help you. And Damien West doesn't stand a chance. Nathan : I love you, you know that? Haley : I love you too. Nathan : You always help me. Haley : Damn it, you need to put a shirt on. Too sexy. God! In Savannah, Peyton and Jenny are taking a walk. Peyton : Take a look at this building right over here. That's where Daddy fought for you and then he threw up in the alley. And then right over here is the Savannah College of Art and Design where maybe I'll go one day. That way I can spend more time with you and Daddy. To Tree Hill, in gymnase. Haley say "bye" at Mouth but Damien West is here. Back in Tree Hill. Damien : How's it feel knowing your man's season ends tonight? Haley : Don't count on it. Damien : You smell great. Can't wait to see how you taste. Haley, pushes him : Get off me. Damien : It's okay. Give in to it, baby. Dan arrives behind him Dan : Hey. Damien West, Dan Scott. (Damien tightens the hand to him, Dan abruptly brings back it towards him). That's Mayor Dan Scott. And if you ever touch my daughter-in-law, Haley again, I'll end your career. Have a good game. Haley sees that. In Savannah, Peyton comes home to Jake. Peyton : Jake? We're home. Jake : Hey, there's my girl. Oh Come on. Come to daddy. Peyton : Go see Dada. Jake : So, how was your day? Okay? Peyton : Hun, hun. People always leave, right? I mean like, that's why you and I can't be together, because you have to stay and I have to go back to Tree Hill. But I was thinking, why do I have to go back? Jake, I wanna stay. I wanna stay here with you. To the gym of Tree Hill High, Nathan is involved. Dan : Hey, Nathan. Nathan! Deb arrives Nathan : Look Dad. Deb tightens a paper with Dan Dan : What is this? Deb : You said you were gonna back off, Dan. With me and with Nathan. Dan : A restraining order? Deb : It requires you to stay at least 100 feet away from us at all times. Starting tonight. Police officers: Sorry, Mr. Mayor. Dan : You signed off on this, Nathan? Nathan : Yeah. Actually, Dad, it was my idea. Dan from goes away The evening, with the match, Nathan marks. Damien too. Damien : All night, Scott. You can't stop me. Nathan : Take a look at the scoreboard. In case you can't count, it's tied. Oak Lake 's coach : Come on Damien. This guy owns you. Damien pushes Nathan which jumped to mark, and landed close to the Ravens cheerleaders. Damien : Oops. Haley (pushes him) : You did that on purpose! Damien (pushes Haley): Hey, bitch, get off me! Brooke : Hey ! Referee : Hey. Break it up! Break it up! Haley pushes back Damien, whereas Brooke tries to retain it. Nathan is able to defend it. And all starts to fight. Referee : Break it up! You guys, break it up! Brooke (at Haley): Are you okay? Haley : Yeah. Mouth : The refs appear to have it under control now. Nathan Scott steps to the line for two free throws. Referee : Okay, gentlemen, let's get set. Shooting two, first one's dead. Hold on, guys. I've got blood here. Coach ! Mouth : And it looks like Nathan has some blood on his jersey. Let's hope it's not serious. Nathan goes on the bench so that the doctor examines it. It bleeds on the level of its scar Doctor: He needs stitches. Whitey : Sorry, son. You're done for the night. Nathan: What? No way, forget it ! Whitey : Nathan, you're bleeding. Nathan: Coach, there's no way I'm leaving this game. Now, if I need stitches, then stitch me up. Whitey : Nathan! Nathan: Coach, if we lose this game, then you lose your shot at the State Championships, and so do I. And so does this team. Now we played in your crappy old gym, okay? We ran two-a-days until we puked. I let Tim shower with me. Come one. Don't let a punk like Damien West take this way from us. Coach : All right, take him back there and stitch him up, find him another jersey. If his mother says anything about this, it was your idea. Get in there! Cooper arrives, which makes laugh Brooke. Rachel : What the hell are you laughing at? Brooke : Two things I know. One, you don't deserve a guy like Mouth. And two, deception always catches up to you. Always. In Savannah, Peyton listens to the comments on the match. Mouth : It looks like Nathan Scott is gonna have to leave the game. We'll take a break and be right back. Jake : Hey. Who's winning? Peyton : It's tied. Fourth quarter. Jake : So, you wanna tell me about this master plan of yours? What makes you think that you can actually leave Tree Hill? Peyton : Well, I'm gonna be out of high school in a couple months anyway, right? So, I can just get my GED now. And the college of Art and Design is a great school. And, I mean, my dad's always gone. Haley has Nathan. And Brooke has Lucas. So, maybe I can stay. Jake : You know, Peyton, there's a reason that you're listening to that game tonight. And I don't care what you say, you'd miss it. All of it. Peyton : Do you miss it? Jake : Everyday. Peyton : Jake? Do you love me? Jake: Yeah, I do. Peyton : I walked around Savannah all day today and I couldn't shake that feeling of it being a Sunday evening. And it's always gonna be without you. You're the one that makes that feeling go away. So, yes, there are things about my life that I would miss. But I'd miss you more. Jake hesitates . To the match, Nathan returns under the applause. Mouth: And the roar you hear is for Nathan Scott stepping back onto the cou t! And he's wearing Lucas Scott's jersey ! But is it too late? The ravens trail by nine, with just over a minute left. Damien: Should've stayed in the locker room, Scott. Your season's over. Nathan: We'll see about that. He marks. Damien, with his shoulder, types on the wound of Nathan, but this one does not move, Nathan takes the ball Deb: Yes ! Yeah Nathan! Mouth: Another three by Nathan and just like that the Ravens trail by three. Thirty-five seconds left ! Let's hope there's some magic still left in that jersey. Nathan: What's the matter, West? You don't wanna tale the big shot? Damien: Ball ! Nathan makes a fault on Damien. Nathan: Well, well. Someone has to make their free throws, huh? Don't brick it now. (Damien misses). Take it easy, man. It's an old backboard. That's right. Nice and easy. Don't think about it. (He misses again). Wow. Nice touch. In the car, Dan listens to the comments. Comments : And the Ravens are gonna get the ball back, down by three with 18 seconds on the clock and Nathan Scott on fire. I'm telling you, folks, win or lose, you're gonna regret missing this one. The two teams are huddled up now. We'll get back to live action in a moment. In the gym Oak Lake's coach: All right, listen to me. That Scott kid is having the game of his life so they'll be going to him. When he catches the ball, you foul him. They'll only get two free throws and they're down by three. Damien : I can't stop him, Coach. Coach : No way, it's too risky. We foul him, we end their season, we get out here undefeated. Now, let's go, fellas. Win on three. One, two, three! Team : Win! Whitey : Now, you listen to me. When you step out on that floor, take it all in. Because someday, you're gonna look back on it and want it all again. When you do, make sure it's for the right reasons. Win or lose, leave it all on the floor. Now, Ravens on three. Guy: One, two, three. Team: Ravens! Nathan (voice over): You know, it's been said that we just don't recognize the significant moments of our lives while they're happening. We grow complacent with ideas or things or people and we take them for granted. And it's usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you realize how wrong you've been. That you realize how much you really need it. How much you love it. God, I love this game. Oak lake's coach : Foul him! Foul! Damien : No way, nobody fouls him. He's mine. Come on, Scott. You got nothing. Nathan draws and marks, but Damien fouls him. Referee: We got a foul here! Damien: Foul? Come on, ref! Mouth: Foul ! They called a foul! The shot is good, the game is tied and there's a foul on Damien West ! Unbelievable! Damien: Come on, ref ! Mouth: Nathan Scott will get one free throw to win it with no time left on the clock! Comments (in Dan's car) : So, Nathan Scott will have one free throw to win it for the Ravens. Dan re-examines young Nathan, when it entrain it. Dan : Okay, you need to make 20 free throws in a row. You miss one, we start over. Young Nathan : But, Dad, I'm tired. Dan : Nathan, I'm only trying to make you better. Someday you're gonna thank me for this. In the gym, Nathan is close with launching. It looks at Haley which makes him a smile. Nathan (voice over): You ever heard the expression, "the best things in mu life are free"? Well, that expression's true. Comments (in Dan's car): Okay, this is it. The radio is scrambled. Dan : Oh ! He leaves the car. In gym, Nathan will mark, everyone looks at him Damien : You got nothing, Scott. Nothing! It launches while looking at Damien and marks ! Mouth: Ravens win it ! Ravens win it ! Mouth and Gigi hug. Haley jumps in Nathan's arms. Everyone applause him and surrounds him. Cooper applauses, but sees Rachel among the cheerleaders and she also sees him. In Savannah, Peyton joins Jake Peyton: So, you've been quiet tonight. Jake: I'm worried about you. Peyton: Why? Jake: What if I say you can stay, and somehow we convince your father to let you do it? This life is hard, Peyton. You got all this fire inside of you. I just ... I don't want to be the guy that puts that out. Peyton: Well, you already did that. The night you left Tree Hill. I spent a lot of time being miserable, Jake. It's like misery's an old friend. And it tricks you sometimes into thinking that it's just always gonna be there, and that you can't be happy. But you can. You can walk away from pain. And I think being love's the best way to do it. What do you feel when we're together? Jake: Hope. Peyton: I do, too. And we deserve that. They kiss, then hug. In gym, Rachel and Mouth start talking. Mouth: You okay? Rachel: Not really. I kind of got caught in a lie tonight. Mouth: With Cooper? About your age? I didn't tell him anything. Rachel: Why not? Mouth: Because if he makes you feel the way that I felt with you, then I want that for you. Rachel: Brooke was right. I don't deserve you. I'm sorry Mouth. Mouth: Never say you're sorry, Rachel. I mean that was one of your rules, right? Rachel: It's a stupid rule. il ges membre Mouth: You know, one of these days you're gonna have to quit lying and just be yourself. Maybe today's that day. Mouth go away. Outside, Nathan and Haley walk together. Haley: Hey. You were great tonight. Nathan: Yeah, I think so. Dan : Nathan. I know, I know. I'm not supposed to get close to you. But, tonight I walked into that gym the mayor of Tree Hill but I finished the night a father on the outside, looking in at a son who deserves better. I wanted to tell you, how proud of you I am. And this has nothing to do with basketball. I'm proud of you for the choices you've made with your life. I'm proud of you for the man that you've become. I love you. Nathan (voice over): Every once in a while, people step up. They rise above themselves. (Cooper joined by Rachel). Sometimes they surprise you. Cooper: Okay, you can't be here. Rachel: All right, Cooper ... Cooper: How could you lie like that, huh? How old are you? Please tell me you're not a freshman. Rachel: I'm 17. And just relax. In north Carolina, I only have to be 16 for us to be together. Cooper: Yeah, maybe by law, but in my book, you gotta be a hell of a lot older than that. You have to go. I'm sorry. Rachel: Cooper ... Cooper: Don't. She is strip. Rachel: You know you still want me, Cooper. You know it, and I know it. Cooper: You really should go. She kisses him and he cracks. Nathan (voice over): And sometimes they fall short. (Peyton to Savannah with Jenny). Life is funny sometimes. It can push pretty hard. But if you look close enough you find hope. Jenny: Mama. Nathan (voice over): In the words of children, (outside, jake plays of the guitar) in the bars of a song. (Peyton joins him). Jake: What's wrong Peyton? Nathan (voice over): And in the eyes of someone you love. (See Haley, Nathan, Mouth, Rachel, Brooke). And if you're lucky, I mean, if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet. (see Jake and Peyton), the person you love decides to love you back. Peyton: Do you wanna get married?

Nathan deals with a player who is a rival both on and off the court. Dan is given a restraining order from Deb and Nathan. Brooke and Mouth look to get even with Rachel, who has tricked Cooper into thinking she is 26 and a model. Dan has a run-in with Cooper. Peyton makes a major decision and goes to see Jake and Jenny who are in Savannah. At the end of the episode Peyton asks Jake to marry her. This episode is named after an album by The Blackouts .

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L'heure du R veil (2x01 et 2x02: Wake Up Call) **Previously On The 4400** Flashbacks to season one Six Months Later Richard is running through some woodland. The sound of a baby can be heard in the background. Richard: Isabelle! Isabelle! A loud scream is heard, followed by a gunshot. Richard see's blood on his hands and begins to scream. He suddenly wakes up and sits up in bed, waking Lily. Lily: What is it baby? It's a bad dream. Richard: It's the same one. She puts her arms around him Lily: She's fine Richard. We're all fine. Come back to bed. They hear footsteps outside. Lily: It's just a racoon Richard get's out of bed and picks up a stick. Opening the door he looks around and see's the taillights of a car. He returns inside and closes the door. Lily: Who was it? Richard: They took off before I could ask. Lily: They left something behind. A note has been pushed under the door. On the top in large red letters, are the words 'YOU ARE WARNED' The rest of the piece of paper is fulled with passages from the bible. Lily: Someone tracked us down. Richard: Who? NTAC? Collier? This look like their calling card, to you? Lily: I don't know who it is, but someone knows we're 4400's. Richard: Start packing. I'll drive into town tomorrow, pick up my last paycheck and then we're out of here. Lily: Can't we just go now? Richard: We're gonna need that money, Lily. A car pulls up outside the 4400 centre. Devon comes out to meet it. Devon: Mr and Mrs Sumlin. Peter? If you'll follow me. They enter the lobby, which is in the middle of being decorated. Devon: Forgive our appearance. As you know, the centre doesn't officially open until tomorrow. Mrs Sumlin: Peter doesn't have time to wait. Collier appears. Collier: That's where you're wrong Mrs Sumlin. Peter has all the time in the world. He bends down to look the young boy in the eye. The boy is connected to an oxygen tube. Collier: Hi Peter. My name is Jordan Collier. They step out of an elevator. Collier: Just this way. Our medical lab isn't quite ready, so we thought Peter would be more comfortable up here. They enter Shawns room. Shawn: Hello Peter. I'm Shawn. What do you say we get started. Yeah? The little boy nods and the two of them sit opposite each other. Shawn: Ok buddy, I want you to take my hands and try to relax, ok? Peter begins to shake. Shawn: You're ok. You're doing good. You're doing so good. It's ok. Mrs Sumlin: Oh my God, is he ok? Collier: He's fine. Just watch. Shawn continues to hold the boys hands. Shawn: You're doing fine. You're ok. You're ok. Peter suddenly stops shaking and his mother kneels on the floor beside him Mrs Sumlin: Peter? How do you feel honey? Mr Sumlin: How are you doing son? Peter rips the oxygen tube from his face. He takes some breaths without it and smiles. Later the Sumlins hand Collier a cheque. Collier: Thankyou for your generous donation. Mr Sumlin: We tried everything. Radiation. Bone marrow transplants. Is he really cured? Collier: Take him back to his Doctor. Run some tests. Peter's leukaemia is gone. Mrs Sumlin: This is a miracle. Collier: For now it has to remain a private miracle. May I remind you that the confidentiality agreement you have signed, is strictly binding. Mrs Sumlin: But people should know about that young man. Collier: And they will. In time, they'll know everything. Diana and Maia walk hand in hand up to a court building. Diana: Are you nervous? Maia: Aren't you? Diana: No, not at all.....Well maybe a little bit. Ok, a lot. Now you really wanna do this right? Maia: Right. Diana: Ok, let's go. Inside the Judge's office. Judge Biederman: Says here she registered an ability under the Densman-Lenhoff bill. Some kind of precognitive insight? Diana: Her visions stopped about four months ago. We're not sure why. Judge Biederman: Huh, too bad. I was going to ask if teledex would hit it's quarterly projection. Diana: Well, we'd like to get started if that's alright. Judge Biederman: Certainly. Just sign where indicated. Diana Skouris, your adoption of Maia Rutledge is hereby complete, legal and binding. So witnessed by me, Henry Biederman, tenth circuit family court of Seattle. You know, some of us have to look far and wide to find people to call family. You two had to look clear across time. Diana, let me introduce you to your daughter, Maia. Maia, say hello to mommy. Maia flings her arms around Diana. National Threat Assessment Command Seattle, Washington. Kyle is in a room pacing angrily. Kyle: I'm not doing it. I mean it this time, no way! Tom: It's just a catscan Kyle, you've had them before. Kyle: This one's gonna tell them the same thing the last 150 told them. Nothing! He points to his head. Kyle: There's nobody in here but me. Tom: I know that. And sooner or later they're gonna stop looking. Kyle: When? When? Tom: I wish I knew. But with NTAC, the Government, they've got bigger issues than you or me ok? Just...Kyle, they're still trying to make sense about what happened that night at Highland Beach, that's all. Kyle: Are they afraid if they let me out I'm going to spill the beans about their big secret? Well they can relax. I just want to get out of here and be normal again, and normal people don't go around sounding off about future humans and the end of the world. Besides, I don't even remember what happened. Tom: I know. Kyle looks up at the camera. Kyle: You listening? I don't remember!! Tom: Just calm down. Just calm down. Kyle: Talk to someone, anyone, please, cos.... Tom: Ok, ok, ok, ok Tom is in the gym hitting a punching bag. Diana walks in. Diana:Tom! Been a while, huh? Tom: Yeah, you know how it is. Us desk jockey's don't have much cause to mix with you hotshot field agents. Diana: Someone feeling a little sorry for himself today? Tom: The 4400 was sent back to save humanity and I'm supposed to help them. Diana: I was there, on the beach, remember? Tom: They gave me a mission, and what's my biggest accomplishment of the week? I convinced my son to take another catscan. Though somehow I don't think that's what they had in mind. Diana's new partner enters the room. Agent: Diana, you ready to roll? Diana: In a minute. Hubbard: Because we have to check in on three returnee's in a row. I wanna make sure we get our reports in by five. Diana: Ok, why don't you keep the car warmed up and I'll be right there. He leaves the room. Tom: Vic Hubbard's the best lead investigator you could find? Diana: Oh no, he's the fourth one this year. Two more, I break a record. We gotta get you out from behind that desk. Tom: I'm lucky to have a job here. I put a gun to another Agents head, remember? Diana: Yeah well, I never said it was gonna be easy. He begins to hit the bag again. Intel Room 3 Brady: It's obvious what really happened. Marco: Whoa, are you gonna start in with your negative energy again? Brady: White holes. See, they're the answer. That's how they took them and that's how they brought them back. Diana enters the room. Diana: Guys. Guys! Am I interrupting? Marco: Brady's back on his white hole kick again. Diana: One day you'll explain to me the difference between the white one's and the black one's, right? Marco: Well, how about tonight? Diana: How about you just give me that thing that we discussed. Marco: Can't. Diana: Why not? Marco: I already sent it upstairs. Diana: Ah. Wonder if anyone's read it yet. Marco: When they do, I'm sure you're gonna hear about it. Diana: I owe you one, handsome. Abendson Psychiatric Care Facility Tess Doerner, abductetd on April 3rd, 1955, sits in the communal area drawing a picture. Another man approaches and takes a book from under his jumper. Tess: H P Lovecrafts.The Mountains Of Madness. Are you trying to tell me something? Which orderly did you steal it from. Matt picks up her drawing and stares at it. Tess: Matt? You're so sweet. You're the only person here, who doesn't want me dead. I wish I could take you with me when I go, but I can't. They only want me. I'll be leaving soon. Very soon. The exact same scene she has drawn is being enacted outside. Two inmates are putting pieces of scrap metal together whilst Arlo and Matt, two orderlys, look on. Arlo: Joanne, Paul? What are you doing? Joanne: s*x maniac. Don't go flashing those bedroom eyes at me. Arlo: Joanne, I'm serious. Put that stuff down before you hurt yourself. Joanne: We're building something. Arlo: I can see that! Joanne: Can you really? It's gonna be gigantic. Arlo: Humungous. Rival the pyramids. But some things are better left to the imagination, Joanne. Besides, you two have physical therapy now. Let's go! The two move inside. Arlo: Building something. Building nothing. Help me get rid of this junk. Richard is in town to collect his wages. He finds flyers scattered around, identical to the warning note from earlier. Looking up, he sees a man dressed in black. Shawn is at the centre having a massage. Shawn: Ow Masseuse: I'm sorry, too hard? Shawn: No it's ok. Give it your best shot. Masseuse: Whatever you do, you must be pretty good at it. Shawn: Yeah, I work with my hands, same as you. Masseuse: My apartment doesn't look anything like this. Shawn: Well, it helps to have friends in high places. Masseuse: I'm always open to making new friends. Someone knocks on the door. Shawn: Come in! Collier enters. Shawn: Speak of the devil Collier: Give us a moment. The girl leaves the room Shawn: Has anyone ever told you, your timing sucks? Collier: If they did I'd probably fire them. He hands Shawn his book. 'The 4400 And Counting'. Collier: For you Shawn: Oh. Collier: It's in book stores tomorrow. Shawn: Jordan. This is going to sell a million copies. People are gonna freak out when they read this. Collier: Big ideas make a loud noise when the land, Shawn. Diana enters the office of Nina Jarvis, Director NTAC Pacific Northwest Division. Diana: You wanted to see me, Nina? Nina: Are you sleeping with Tom Baldwin? Diana: Should I come back in? Maybe we could start over. Nina: Answer the question. Diana: Never even held hands. Nina: Do you owe him money? Diana: What game are we playing here, because if I knew the rules.... Nina: I am playing the theory room paper game. Diana: I don't know that one. Nina: Well let me give you a hint. She begins to read a report sent up from Marco. Nina: The necessity for the immediate reassignment of Thomas Baldwin to active field duty. Diana: Catchy title. Nina: Did you come up with it yourself, or did the big brains of the basement pitch in? Diana: Let's just say that I agree with the sentiment. Tom's the best agent I've ever worked with. Maybe the best you've got in this division. In the three months that Baldwin was investigating the 4400, this department learned more, far more than in the entire year he's been shuffling paper. Nina: He threatened another agents life. Diana: He was trying to protect his son, who these future people or whoever they are, chose as their spokesman. Not to mention that his nephew, Shawn, is one of the 4400. Nina: All of which sound like major conflicts of interest to me. Diana: That's not what Dennis Ryland believed. Nina: Dennis Ryland is no longer in charge here. Diana: Maybe you should call Washington, talk to him. Nina: I don't have to call Washington. They've got me on speed dial. Congressmen, Senators, Committee Chairs, Sub Committee Chairs. All of them are looking to this department, to me, for answers. Diana: Which is why you can't keep an agent like Tom Baldwin on the shelf. He's a major player in this case. He's maybe, the major player. Nina: See, funny, that's exactly what it say's in this paper. Diana: Maybe Marco had me check it for typo's. Nina: Alright, the next time that you want to send me a message, put your name on it. Diana stands up straight, turns and leaves the room. Later, back at the sanitarium. Clayton: Mr Woolcock! Get down there. Matt: Arlo! Clayton: Mr Woolcock, get down from there! Matt: Arlo! You heard the man! Clayton: Woolcock, get down from there this instant. Arlo, the orderly from earlier, is clambering across the roof, on his stomach. He reaches the weather vane and pulls it loose. Clayton: I've called security! This is your last chance! Matt: What the hell you doing up there? Arlo! Arlo: I've got it! He hugs the weather vane to his chest. Clayton: Arlo, this is your last warning! Matt: Arlo, please! He makes his way backwards towards the ladder. Matt: Arlo, be careful! Arlo: I'm coming down! Matt: Arnold, be careful! Watch what you're doing! He places one foot on the ladder. Arlo: I got it! I got it! He starts to make his way down the ladder, but it begins to fall, taking the man with it. He falls to the ground, screaming. Clayton: Oh my God! We're shown one of Tess' drawings, which includes a picture of the weather vane, which is perched on top of the device she is drawing. Pictures cover the wall of her room. Richard returns home to find Lily has packed their bags. Richard: Lily I'm home. Lily relax, we don't have to leave. Some nut papered the entire town with these things. He wasn't singling us out. Lily: Well I still think we should go. Richard: I was scared last night too, but did you read this? It's a rant, not a witchhunt. Lily: Maybe, but Richard, we still don't feel safe here anymore. Richard: You mean Isabelle doesn't feel safe. Lily: Richard, we've gone over this a dozen times. I don't know why she talks to me and not to you. Richard: Talks? Lily: Communicates. Whatever. Richard: Did she happen to mention where we should go? Does she have a place picked out, or will she know when she see's it? Lily: We can find a town. Richard: We already did. Right here. Isabelle is six months old. I know she's a special kid, but we're still her parents. We make decisions for her, she doesn't make them for us. Isabelle begins to cry and Lily rushes into the bedroom, picking her up. Richard picks up the bags and takes them back into the room. Richard: We're staying put. At Diana's apartment, Maia is sat on her bed, writing in her journal. Diana: Maia! As she hears Diana call, she quickly hides the journal under her pillow. Diana opens the door and is wearing a party hat. Diana: Party time. Balloons decorate the apartment. Diana brings some food to the table. Diana: Macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes and white bread. Maia: Everything I like. Diana: They're the only things you'll eat. You gotta promise me that you'll outgrow this phase soon. Maia: Mommy, how do you make this taste so good? Diana: It's a hidden talent I guess. You just called me Mommy. Maia: You're my Mom now, right? Diana: Now and forever. Maia: I like that. Diana: Me too. Maia: Do you think I'll ever go back to school? Diana: Weren't you just telling me that you got a 97 on your math test? Maia: Not home school, real school with a playground and recess. Diana: Well sure you will, you know, when you get a bit older. Maia: How much older? I'm not seeing things that are going to happen, anymore. So it should be ok for me to be around other kids. I think I'd be happy at school. Diana: Aren't you happy now? Maia: I'm glad you're my mom for real, but I could still use a friend or two. More mac and cheese please. Diana: Just a little. Tom and Diana are in Nina's office. She hands him a piece of paper. Nina: Sign this. Tom: What is it? Nina: Your letter of resignation. Tom: I thought I was being reassigned to field duty. Nina: You are, effective immediately. I need results. We have a high priced collection of sheepskin in the basement that tells me you're the best way to get them, so I'm willing to take a risk. But I need some insurance. This. I left the date blank. You cross the line, I fill it in. Tom: Fair enough. He picks up a pen and signs. Nina: Good! Here, look at this. She turns a screen around to face them bringing up details on Tess. Diana: Tess Doerner. Diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia at the age of 15. Disappeared from Abbotson psychiatric hospital on April of 1955. Tom: Well maybe they sent her back without bothering to cure her. Diana: Curing people was not part of their agenda. Nina: We just got a call from the CA over at the hospital. One of the orderly's is dead and he claims that there's some kind of connection. Diana stands up to leave Diana: We'll check it out. Tom: Hold on. There's still one piece of business we need to get straight. Nina: You're setting conditions? Tom brings Kyle home. Kyle: This is your new house? Tom: It's yours too. Kyle takes a look around while Tom stands watching him. They make their way into Kyle's new bedroom. Tom: All your stuff is here. Kind of looks like our old place, huh? Well try it, anyway. Kyle: Only one thing missing. Mom. Tom: Yeah I know. Sometimes I can't believe she's not here either. But we tried Kyle. We really tried to make it work. Kyle: I wish you both would have tried a little harder. Tom: I'm sorry. You know, when something terrible happens to a family, when you were in the hospital, it can bring people closer together or it can drive them apart. Your Mom and me.... Kyle: Well I'll have to call her. Let her know I'm out of quarantine. Tom: Yeah, you should do that. It would make her really happy. Kyle: Shawn's gonna freak out too. Tom: Well.... Kyle: I'm going to see him, right? Tom: You're a good cousin. Just don't expect too much. You know, people change in four years. I can't believe you're standing here. I've been looking forward to this moment for too long. Hey, you remember how we used to love to go to the batting cages? Kyle: You never could hit that curve ball. Tom: That was you. I've got plenty of quarters saved up. Kyle: Maybe we should stop off at the driving range, too. Tom: You wanna learn how to play golf? I used to beg to teach you. Kyle: There are a lot of things I wanna try now, Dad. Tom: You make a list. You want it, we'll do it. Anything. You can show me tonight, okay? Tom makes his way out of the room. Kyle: You're leaving? I just got here. Tom: It's my job, buddy. Now get started on that list. Tom and Diana arrive at the sanitarium, to find building of Tess' device in progress. Diana: You people really take your arts and crafts seriously, don't you. Tom: You sure Tess drew this before they started building? Clayton: She made her first sketch two weeks ago. That thing started going up yesterday. Diana: And you think that the orderly who died is connected to all of this. Clayton: He was on the ledge of B building, prying off a weather vane. I believe it was this weather vane. He shows them one of Tess' drawings. They make their way inside. Tom: So why don't you just confine all of the other patients to their rooms. Clayton: Well I intend to, but this kind of cooperative behaviour is unheard of with these illnessess. Besides I wanted you to take a look at that thing before we tore it down again. One of the patients comes out of a room. Clayton: It's alright Kevin. They're just here to talk to Tess. He turns to Tom and Diana Clayton: He's very protective of her. She's his only friend in here. Really, it's ok. He opens the door to her room. Clayton: I'll just let her know you're coming. Tom: Great. Inside Tess' room Diana: We saw some of the pictures you did, Tess. They're really good. Tess: Shhhh! They'll hear you. There's microphones in the walls. They broadcast by satellite to the submarines. Diana: Who does? Tess: The Doctors. Tom: The Doctors here in the hospital? Tess: Some of them are here in the hospital. Some of them are stationed on a submarine. Diana: We'll just talk really softly. Tess: They take my crayons away, but they're too late. Tom: Yeah? Why's that? Tess: Because it's gonna get built anyway. They want me to get in touch with them. That's why they put the plans in my head. Tom: Um, now, are we talking about the Doctors here in the hospital, or the Doctors under the sea. Tess: Neither. We're talking about the people who took me. Stupid. Diana: So, the people who took you. They want the patients here to build that tower? Tess: They'll do anything to get me back. They like me. Tom: Did you ask the other patients for help, Tess? Tess: I don't like talking to them. They're crazy. Diana: Was Arlo crazy? Tess: I never thought he was. Maybe crazy is catching. Diana and Tom leave the building and walk towards their car. Tom: So, my first day back. What's going on? Not much. Just a bunch of mental patients building a machine to contact the future. Diana: Well that's what Tess thinks, anyway. She also thinks there are Doctors stationed under the Pacific Ocean, listening to a radio broadcast of her private conversations. Tom: Could be some kind of collective hysteria. Doesn't explain this guy Arlo, though. Diana: He's a middle aged hospital orderly, who's wife just left him. He could have been suicidal. Tom: Lost his nerve at the last minute and tried to grab the weather vane? Diana: I wonder how long it is since Marco got some sun. I was thinking we could bring him down to have a look at that thing they're building. Tom: A lone trip for Marco. Diana: He goes outside Tom. We could have some sunblock handy. Tom: It would be something though, huh? If she could actually do it? Contact the future? Diana: Tess is right. Maybe crazy is catching. The 4400 Centre at night Collier is on the floor of his office, crying out in pain. Shawn and a secretary rush in. Secretary: He was dictating a letter. He just grabbed his head and started screaming. Shawn: Wait outside. Now! She leaves and Shawn grabs Colliers head and begins to try and take the pain away. Shawn: Hold still. Eventually he succeeds and they both remain exhausted on the floor. Collier: Thanks. Thankyou. Shawn: They're getting worse. Jordan, they're coming more often, too. Collier: You ok? Shawn: I'm fine. I don't get it. I don't get why these attacks keep coming back. I cured emphysema, leukaimia. That baby really kicked your ass. Collier: Well you just remember that when we find Richard and Lily. Shawn: You sound pretty confident Jordan, but it's been a year. Sometimes I forget they're still out there. Collier: I never forget and neither do the men I'm paying to find them. Shawn: Ok, but if I were you, I wouldn't want to be in the same timezone as that kid. If you two meet up again, it might just finish you off. Collier: I have my reasons. He helps Shawn to his feet. Collier: You get some rest. Shawn: Alright. Collier: Big day tomorrow. Shawn: Yeah. Newscast Newscaster: In breaking news, a revelation about the origins of the 4400. In his newly published autobiography former real estate agent, Jordan Collier, claims that the 4400 were abducted by Human Beings from the future. The book contains copies of classified government memoranda, that Collier say's prove his claims. The documents are said to come from an anonymous source within the National Threat Assessment Command. According to Collier, the 4400 were returned to avert a catastrophe that threatens the survival of mankind. Diana and Maia are watching the broadcast. Maia: Why didn't you tell me? Newscaster: Collier charges that the government has had this information for more than a year, but has kept it secret in an effort to avert a public panic. Richard is at work watching the broadcast. Newscaster: The government claims that the documents are purely speculative and have been quoted out of context. Back in Richards workplace. Mechanic: I don't care who took them. I don't care who sent them back. The government should have kept them behind bars. Mechanic 2: You heard what the man said. They're here to save the world. Mechanic: Well what do you expect him to say. He's one of them. You're awful quiet. Richard: I deal in facts. The fact is, I gotta flush this radiator before lunch. He begins to work on a car. Nina holds a meeting. Nina: Did everybody hear that Mr Collier's source, is anonymous no more. Agent Hubbard will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Diana: So what about Collier? Tom: Can't buy national secrets on the black market. Nina: I'm sure we'd all like to see Collier charged with treason, but it's unlikely. I doubt we'll be able to trace the payments directly to him. Now, as for the so called 4400 center. Around the clock surveillance is in effect until further notice. I want pictures of everyone who comes within a hundred yards of that place. Agent: Is it true that Collier is filing for tax exempt status? Nina: Apparently. Tom: What, he's turned the 4400 into some kind of religion? Agent: More like a cult. Tom: A cult is what the big congregation calls a little congregation. Agent 2: Cult, religion, whatever. What's he basing it on? Diana: Have you read this thing? Collier claims that he can unlock the 4400 within anybody. Agent 3: So he expects a guy punching a clock in Pittsburgh, to believe he has some kind of latent superpower? Agent 2: Most of the 4400 don't even have those kinds of abilities. Not yet anyway. Diana: No, but if you thought there was a chance that you had an ability locked away inside you. Nina: You sound like you're ready to sign up. Diana: No. But I wouldn't blame anyone for being curious. Tom: Now we keep telling the public, that biologically, the 4400 aren't any different than the rest of us. They haven't been altered genetically, neurologically. Agent 3: As far as we can tell. But if Collier thinks that people are just gonna sign up their lives and their life savings over to some metaphysical pyramid scheme, then he's in for a rude awakening. Kyle arrives at the 4400 center which is open to the public for a book signing. He walks among the crowd and is greeted by Devon. Devon: Welcome to the 4400 center. My name is Devon. What's your name? Kyle: Kyle Devon: Nice to meet you Kyle. Can I sign you up for a tour? Kyle: Thanks. I'm just looking for my cousin? Shawn Farrell? Devon: I'm sorry. Mr Farrell's not available right now. Kyle: Can you tell him Kyle's looking for him? He does live here, right? Devon: I'm afraid policy prohibits me from discussing our membership. Kyle: I'm not looking for a discussion. I just want to say hi to my cousin. She blocks his way. Devon: If you want to leave your name and number. Kyle: I'm not leaving anything. What is the problem here? Devon: There's no problem. Kyle: Then tell Shawn I'm here. If he doesn't want to see me, fine! But that's up to him, right? Devon: Would you lower your voice please? Kyle: Look, I've got nothing against you personally. I hope the pod people return your body to you someday. If it's all the same, I'll find Shawn myself. Three security guards come up to him and begin to drag him out. Guard: This way sir. Kyle: Get your hands off me! Back at the sanitarium, the building continues. Marco: You guys didn't tell me this thing was so big. Tom: It wasn't. Diana: Not yesterday. Marco: Those don't look like patients to me. Diana:They're not. Tom: Dr Clayton. Clayton: I know what you're gonna say. We're falling behind. We'll make up the time this afternoon. Diana: So is the entire hospital working on this thing? Clayton: It's the only way to get it done. Excuse me. Randy? Winston? We're gonna need a little help here with the satellite dish. Diana turns to Marco. Diana: Ok, so first the patients, now the staff. If this is some kind of mass hysteria, it's spreading. Back at Richard and Lily's house. Richard is holding Isabelle. Richard: Who does Daddy love? Mom, Elizabeth. Yes he does. You know what he see's when he looks at you? A beautiful baby, yes he does. But Mommy see's much more than that. You know why? You communicate with Mommy, but you never talk to daddy. So how about it. Anything you want to say to Daddy? Huh? Cos I'm listening. Ok then. Guess I'm left to muddle along, all alone. Lily enters the room. Lily: Richard. We've gotta get a copy of that book, I wanna read it. Richard: You and me both, but I've checked in town. They won't have any copies till tomorrow. Lily: I don't know about you, but I kinda got used to the idea that we'd never know where she came from. Richard: Well, if we went to the future. At least we came back with a souvenier. Lily: The people who took us. They made all this happen, right? They saw to it that we got Isabelle. They must have something in mind for her. Richard: I have something in mind for us, too. A normal life. Lily: Sounds good, but we left normal behind a long time ago now. Back at the sanitarium, Agents are pulling people away from the device. Clayton: This is outrageous. We have work to finish here. Important work. Tom: Doctors are allowed to make their rounds. No-ones stopping them from taking care of their patients. From now on, the tower and the court area are off limits. You got it? Agent: I've got it. Marco walks up to the tower device. Marco: Man, look at the size of that thing. I wouldn't mind having one of those in my backyard, huh? Tom: Road trips over. Wait in the car. Marco leaves and Diana walks over to stand by Tom's side. Diana: So yesterday, a few patients were compelled to work on this thing, and today it's the entire hospital. Tom: If we get Tess out of here, you think this compulsion will fade? Diana: I don't know. Tom: It's worth a try, isn't it? Diana and Tom take Tess from her room and lead her into the corridor. She's upset and crying. Tom: Alright, I got you. Tess: I'm not a bad person. I'm not. Diana: No-one's saying that you are, Tess. Tess: Then why are you gonna stick wires in my brain? Tom: I promise Tess. Nobody's gonna hurt you. Tess: That's what everybody say's right before they hurt you. Why am I being punished? I'm a good person really. I'm only doing what they want. Kevin comes rushing up the corridor yelling and rushes at Tom. Tom: Guards! Guards! Get over here. He is dragged off and walks down the corridor, yelling. Tess is sobbing and is taken through the doors. Tess: Kevin! Kevin! Tom: It's alright. Maia and a friend are playing go fish in Diana's apartment. The babysitter is setting the table for dinner. Maia: Do you have a seven? Kerry: Go fish. Diana enters. Diana: I am so sorry I'm late. Oh, who do we have here? Maia: This is Kerry. She lives downstairs. The UPS man left a package for us by mistake, and when her Mom came to get it, Kerry was with her, and now I'm invited to her birthday party. And it's a sleepover. I can go, right? Diana: Hi Kerry, I'm Diana. Kerry: It's nice to meet you. Diana: It's nice to meet you. Maia: I already said it's ok. Diana: Well I think we should probably talk to Kerry's Mom, don't you? Oh look, you know what? It sounds fine to me. Maia rushes up to hug her. Maia: Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou. Jordan Colliers office. Shawn: You never told me I was a prisoner. Collier: Have you ever seen a prison cell Shawn? It looks nothing like your apartment. Shawn: Goddammit Jordan! Since when do you decide who I see and talk to. Collier: This is about your cousin, isn't it? Shawn: So you did know he was here? Collier: I know he was rude and aggressive and had to be escorted from the premises. Shawn: You mean thrown out! Collier: It might have been handled more smoothly Shawn, but all in all I have to say it was for the best. Shawn: Kyle is my friend. Collier: He was your friend. Look, a year ago you came to me looking for a new life. Your old one in shambles. Kyle, friend or not, is part of that old life. Shawn: So what do you want me to do? You just want me to cut him loose and forget he exists? Collier: He's no different than your Mother, your brother or your friend Nikki. Shawn: Don't. Collier: They do not understand what it is we're trying to accomplish here. Shawn: Maybe I don't either. Collier: Well then I suggest you pack your bags and leave. Shawn sits down. Shawn: So what happens next time you start screaming out in pain? Collier: Do what's right for you Shawn. I'll take care of myself. Tom is sat in the office when Diana enters Diana: I got the full physical work up on Tess. Tom: Let me guess. Physically normal across the board. Diana: I'll say this for the 4400. They're consistent. Tom: Tess draws a picture of a tower or a monument. Diana: Or a beacon. Tom: The the people around her drop everything and start building it. Diana: Well, they can't help themselves. They have to work. Tom: It's like ants. Come here. He beckons her over and she takes a look at this laptop screen. Tom: The Queen secretes a chemical telling the other ants what to do. Diana: The drones don't stop working until the job is done. Doesn't matter if one of them dies or if a storm comes and washes away the ant hill. Tom: They just keep working, unless you take the Queen away. I just hope our drones respond the same way. Diana: So the future sent back a schizophrenic Queen ant with a blueprint to an interstellar walkie talkie? Tom: Let's see what Tess can tell us. Diana: You know, we'd better not get too close, because if your theory's right, anyone who get's too close to her, could be vulnerable. Tom: Alright I'll talk to Tess. You check with Garrity over at the hospital. Tom goes to see Tess. He speaks to her through a glass window. Tom: These friends of yours. The one's who took you. What do you think they want to talk about? Tess: They're so much smarter than you, it isn't even funny. Tom: Yeah. Yeah, no doubt. They figured out how to take you and how to send you back. Tess: Sending me back was a mistake and you know it. I'm supposed to be there. Tom: Where exactly is there? Tess: There were Doctors there too. They were nice. All of them. Tom: Do you remember where you were taken? Tess: We slept a lot, but not all the time. We wore grey clothes. There's a giant building. The Doctors wore shiny jackets. I miss it so much. She approaches the dividing screen. Tom: Go on. I really like hearing you talk about it. Tess: Our rooms had round windows. Our doorways with arches in them. The stones had writing in them. Math symbols or something. Inscriptions. Jars of purplish metals and rods with stained tips. Tom: These symbols. Tess, what did they look like? Tess? Tess, do you remember what the inscriptions said? Tess: They're waiting to hear from me. I need to get in touch with them. She moves away. Tom: Tess, Tess. Tess, wait! Diana is in the office, trying to get hold of Garrity. Diana: Garitty, why haven't you been picking up your cell phone? Garrity: I'm sorry, it's been kind of crazy down here. Diana: So is everything alright? Garrity: Yeah, fine. Just about done here. Diana: Done? Garrity: Well, the satellite dish is a bitch to hook up, but we'll get em. Down at the sanitarium Garrity: Come on people, let's get those dishes secured. We don't have all day. Tom appears in the office Tom: I just had the most unbelievable conversation with Tess. Diana: Well it couldn't be any more unbelievable than the one I just had with Garitty. Lily is walking down a street pushing Isabelle in a pushchair. She walks past a cinema and into a gift shop, where she picks up a copy of Collier's book. The man Richard saw earlier placing warning leaflets is talking to the owner. Shopkeeper: Can't say I see it that way. Josiah: No other way to see it. That book is blasphemy. Shopkeeper: Well don't buy it, if that's how you feel. Josiah: The third angel blew his trumpet and a great sorrow fell from heaven, burning like a torch. Revelations 8:10. Shopkeeper: I'll take your word for it. Josiah: The day they came back was the beginning of the end times. Shopkeeper: Sounds like you've done a little more thinking on it than I have. Josiah: Either remove the book from the store or my boy here will remove it for you. Shopkeeper: Like hell he will. Lily accidentally knocks over a table, gaining the attention of the man. He walks over, seeing the book in her hands. Josiah: Do you know what you're carrying there, woman? Lily: It's just a book. Josiah: It's the doorway to hell. Isabelle is watching him. He turns to her and Lily rushes over. Josiah: That child yours? Lily: It's my daughter. Josiah: Abomination begets abomination. Lily picks up the baby. Isabelle looks at the man over her mother's shoulders and as she does so, the windows of the store blow out and goods fly everywhere. She rushes out and quickly makes her way to Richard who is working on a car. Lily: Richard! Richard: What's going on? Lily: We gotta get out of here, now! He follows her over to their car. Back at the sanitarium, the tower is on fire. Agents hold back those wishing to save it. Tom: What the hell happened here. Clayton: These new guys you sent us are no good. Garrity: Park told me he had experience with a welding torch, so.... Clayton: Experience in what? Starting fires? Now our schedule's in the toilet. Diana: Did either of you call the fire department? Tom looks up at the fire. Kevin falls to his knees, while in her room, Tess begins to scream. Richard and Lily hurriedly pack, as a car pulls up outside. Richard: Time to go. Josiah kicks the door open, while Richard and Lily try to get away in the car. Lily: Hurry Richard. Hurry Josiah goes into the bedroom, where the cot mobile is still playing. He looks around and see's the open window. Opening the door, he fires his rifle at the car blowing out the windows. Lily screams as Richard starts the engine and drives away. Nina holds a meeting. Nina: As of tonight, Abottson state hospital is officially under quarantine. The patients will remain locked down. Hospital staff and affected NTAC personnel will be confined to the site, until we've isolated the source of the compulsion. Tom: That sounds like a good plan, but who's gonna watch over them? The last group we sent was compromised within hours. Diana: Which is quite frankly, a little disturbing. I mean, if you think of this like an epidemic. I the CDC, we'd call Tess the sole disease factor. You remove her, you remove the urge to build. Except, as far as we know.... Tom: None of those agents had any contact with Tess. Diana: So it's like the flu, or any other airborne virus. If you catch it you can pass it on. Nina looks at one of the drawings. Nina: What is this thing supposed to be anyway? Marco: My guess, and I cannot emphasise the word guess strongly enough, is that Tess is telling us the truth. It's some kind of communication device. Nina: To contact who? The future? Tom: The only way to find out is to let the patients finish building it. That night on Highland Beach, they were trying to tell us something. The conversation was cut short. Diana: Which is why we've been stumbling around in the dark this last year. Tom: Tess is the ony 4400 who remembers where she was taken. Nina: No, claims to remember where she was taken. She's also the only paranoid schizophrenic, and it sounds to me like you too have been spending a little too much time around her. Marco: Well, maybe I caught the bug too, but I agree with them. Nina: The quarantine orders for the hospital will remain in effect until further notice. The guards will rotate shifts to minimise their exposure. Tom: So where does that leave us? Nina: Until we're sure the compulsion is not spreading anymore, you two aren't going anywhere near that facility. [SCENE_BREAK] Richard and Lily have pulled up at a gas station. Lily: Isabelle is asleep. The rainy day came sooner than expected. Do you think we lost them? Richard: I'm not ready to stop for pies just yet. I've got 1200 here. Another 300 in my pocket. Lily: I'm carrying too. Richard: I'm gonna have to get those back windows replaced in the morning. That should be enough to carry us through to Montana. Lily: What did Eric say when you called him? Richard: He was a little surprised to hear from me. Back in quarantine he used to say that us 4400's should stick together. Lily: Yeah well, we didn't have much choice back then though, did we. He takes her hand. Richard: We'll have to get by on our savings when we get there. Lily: If things get really bad, we can sell these. Richard: I put that ring on your finger forever. Guess you and Isabelle were right. We should have taken off when we had the chance. They kiss. Lily: It's gonna be a long night. You want me to drive a shift? Richard: Get some sleep. Diana's sitting on her bed, when there's a knock at the door. Maia is with the woman from downstairs Diana: Maia, what's wrong? Woman: I'm sorry, I know it's late, but Maia really wanted to come home. Diana: Well why's that sweetie? Maia: I don't want to talk about it. Woman: Some of the girls, not my daughter, but some of the other girls, were teasing Maia because she say's she has a crush on Frank Sinatra. Diana: Old blue eyes. Do you blame her? Woman: Most nine year old's don't even know who Frank Sinatra was. Maia: I want to go to bed. She runs off into her room. Woman: I guess it got pretty nasty. I feel terrible. Maybe Maia can come back another time. Just her and Kerry? Diana: Yeah, we'll talk about it. Thankyou. Goodnight. Woman: Goodnight. Diana walks into Maia's bedroom to find her lying in bed with her eyes closed. Diana: Maia! I know you didn't fall asleep that fast. Maia: It was awful, you were right. Diana: I didn't want to be right. Maia: I don't need any friends. Diana: Everyone needs friends Maia. Maia, I really think we should talk about this. Maia: Well I don't. Josiah and his sons pull up at the petrol station and find that Richard and Lily have been through there. The attendant shows them the direction they went in. Tom is at home looking through Tess' drawings. Kyle walks into the room. Kyle: A Bucks burger is as good as I remember. Tom: That's kind of a strange thing to have on top of your list, but hey, you know what? I think we can make your dreams come true! Kyle begins playing his guitar. Tom: Kyle, shouldn't you be in bed? Kyle: Dad, I'm 21 Tom: Yeah, that's what I have to keep reminding myself. Kyle: I'm making some popcorn, you want some? Tom: You're kidding me. You could eat more? Kyle: I've been eating quarantine food for a year. You guys may be keeping the country safe, but your cafeteria sucks! The phone rings. Kyle: Hello? Hello? Shawn is on the other end and pauses before answering. Shawn: Kyle Richard and Lily continue to drive. Lily: We've gotta get the baby out of the cold. Richard: I don't think there's any motels on this road. I'm thinking we should head south. Catch the 35. They see a truck behind them. Lily: This is the first car we've seen in what, like, fifty miles? Josiah's truck closes in on them. Richard: Get your head down! The truck tries to drive them off the road. Lily: Richard, it's them! Hurry! Richard: Hold on, hold on! The car swerves down into the woods and hits a tree. Richard: Is everybody ok? Lily: I think so. Richard: Ok, let's go. The truck pulls up behind the car. Lily and Richard make their way on foot into the woods. Josiah and his son's walk up to the car with rifles in their hands. Josiah: Spread out. Diana goes into Maia's bedroom Diana: Hey Maia sweetie. It's wake up time. Maia: I'm tired. Diana: Huh? A late night huh? Alright, fifteen more minutes. You know what? Frank Sinatra is the coolest and don't you let anyone ever tell you different. She finds Maia's diary in her drawer. On the first page are written the words. 'Things I See. Later that morning she walks with Marco through a hallway, at work. Marco: So you didn't read any of it? Diana: Well no. I wouldn't want my daughter reading my diary. Marco: You keep a diary? Am I in it? Diana: Oh come on. Don't flatter yourself. Marco: So really, you don't even know if, what she see's, means things during the day. TV shows, ponies, whatknot. Or it could be,what she see's a week, a month, a year down the line. Diana: No, no. She hasn't had one of those visions in like, four months. Marco: Well that's what she tells you, anyway. Diana: Well why would she lie? Marco: She wants to be normal, right? Everytime she makes a prediction, someone calls her a freak. Look, I understand, you're her Mom now, there are certain protocols. Next time I'm over, why don't I take a peek. Diana: Oh come on, you think that would be any less of a betrayal? Marco: Respecting Maia's privacy is no small thing, but you gotta weigh that against the information that could be in that diary. Diana: You know what? When you stop trusting a parent, it's really hard to start again, and yes, I'm speaking from experience. Marco: Hey, I'm glad it's not my decision. But if Maia's having visions, you should know about it and you should know what they are. Richard and Lily are hiding in the woods. Richard is sat by a stream and seems to have injured his foot. Lily: Is it bad? Richard: I just jammed it when we spun out. I just need to walk it off a little more. Follow the stream south. Hike through the water a bit. Throw them off our trail. Lily: We'll be cold. Richard: It'll keep us awake. After a mile we'll double back west and head straight for the highway. Lily: Sounds easy when you say it. Richard: You can do it. You can do it, right? Isabelle begins to cry. Richard: Keep her quiet. She's going to bring them right to us. He takes his shoe and sock off and we see that he has a large gash on his ankle. Meanwhile, Tom is in the office when Diana enters. Diana: Does the name Gene Vecruso ring a bell? Tom: Yeah, returnee 927. Oh, let me guess, he still has the ability to turn 20 bucks into a crushing hangover. Diana:And a night in the drunk tank downtown. Come on. We'll go ferry him back to his halfway house. Tom: Give it to Mortimer or Felcowan. Diana: We got something else on our plates? Everything's been quiet at Abbotsun. Nobody's been allowed near the tower. Tom: That's the problem isn't it? Diana: Tom, Tom no. You do remember that Jarvis has still got your letter of resignation. Tom: She wants results. I'm gonna give them to her. Besides, you wanna know what that thing is as badly as I do. Diana: I'm trying not to think about it. Tom: Yeah well, I can't think of anything else. Diana: It sounds like Tess has got her hooks in you. Tom: I don't have the urge to pick up a tool belt. He picks up Tess' drawings and leaves the room. Diana: I'm coming with you. They go and get Tess from her room. Diana: It's alright Tess, we're taking you back to Abbotsun. Tom: We've signed you out Tess. No-one from NTAC is coming after you. Tess: Not you people. The Doctors in their submarines. They're watching us. Diana: Are you having second thoughts? Tom: No, just get in. Kyle is sat on some steps as Shawn approaches him from behind. Shawn: So you still owe me four/five dollars for those two six packs? Something like that? Kyle: I've got it right here, if you think you can take it from me. They hug. Shawn: Look at you man, back among the living. You look great. Kyle: I walk and talk. Seem to have full control of my limbs. Shawn: You still hit like a girl. Nothings changed. Kyle: Four years. Plenty's changed. Shawn:What are you talking about? We saw each other right after you got out of the hospital. Kyle: I don't remember any of that. Shawn: You don't? So you don't remember sitting naked in the sprinklers. Kyle: No. Sounds like something you'd do. Shawn: Well.... Kyle: Thankyou. I never got a chance to say that. For getting me out of the coma, thankyou. Shawn: You know, if it hadn't of been for me, you wouldn't have been in that stupid hospital, anyway, so.... Kyle: Then I'd have been the one who'd have disappeared into 4400 bootcamp. Maybe I'd of come back with the magic hands. Shawn: Alright, alright. Kyle: Speaking of disappearing you jerk. Shawn: Oh Kyle, don't go there yet! Kyle: Don't go there? Your Mom is so freaked out. You haven't seen her in a year. You haven't seen anybody. Your brother. My Dad. What was going on with you and Nikki? Shawn: Kyle, I don't want to talk about it. Kyle: We're all really worried about you, man. Shawn: You don't need to be. I mean, I'm fine. Kyle: I've been to that place where you're living. There's some serious Stepford Wives vibes going on there. You know that, right? All that stuff about unlocking the 4400 inside everybody. Shawn: Yeah? Kyle: You don't really believe Collier can do that, do you? Shawn: Kyle, look around us man. The world is in a total freefall. These centres, they're a chance to bring people together. Maybe our last chance. I don't just believe that he can do it. I believe that he has to do it. Kyle: It's all that stuff they've got inside your head. Kyle walks away and Shawn follows him. Shawn: He said you wouldn't understand. Kyle: Collier? Shawn: Yeah. Kyle: I gotta tell you man, he was right. Richard, Lily and the baby continue to make their way through the woods. Richard has another flash of events to come. He falls to the floor and Lily runs back to him. Lily: Richard! Are you alright? Richard: Guess I wasn't looking where I was going. Lily: Ok. You just need to rest. Richard: You think they're stopping for a rest? He tries to get up, but his foot is hurting too much Richard: Five minutes. Tom is back at the sanitarium and is rallying the patients. Banging on doors with Tess happily following him. Tom: Ok, come everyone! Back to the tower! Come on! We've got a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it, so let's go. Come on! Go, go! You heard, let's go! He makes his way to another door. Tess: This one's mine. Stand over there! Kevin comes out of his room and Tess throws her arms around him. Tess: Hey Kevin! Look! I escaped. He gives her back her book. Tess: Always thinking of me. Kevin's a genius you know, but he doesn't brag about it. Blood is seeping through Richard's shoe. Lily: I bet in a couple of days all these berries will be ripe. Richard: Don't eat em now. The last thing we need is to start cramping up. Close up of Isabelle staring at the berries, which suddenly ripen. Lily picks some. and takes them over to Richard. Lily: Look. Richard: I thought you said they weren't ripe. Lily: They weren't. Richard: Well.... Isabelle? Lily: Had to be. Richard: Way to go, little girl. Diana and Tom watch the patients rebuild the tower. Tom: They're gonna have to work faster. Diana: I'm gonna help them. Tom: That's not funny Diana. Diana: I really wanna do this. Tom: No, you'll only be in the way. Diana: You don't understand. I really need to do this. She leaves, while Tom continues to look out of the window. Josiah is catching up to Richard and Lily. He comes across the stalks from some eaten berries. Shawn returns to the 4400 centre to find Collier looking at some photographs in the foyer. Collier: Shawn, I've been looking for you. Shawn: Yeah, I took a walk. Collier: We have a special visitor tonight. She has pancreatic cancer. Her husband is willing to donate real estate for a 4400 centre in Los Angeles. Shawn: Well tonight doesn't really work for me Jordan. He begins to walk up the stairs. Collier: Well, you have five, no six hours, to get in the mood. Shawn: Mood's got nothing to do with it. I'm just not working tonight. Josiah's sons find some of Richards blood. They begin whistling to attract Josiah's attention. Richard and Lily can hear the noises. Lily: Richard please. Don't do this. Richard: We don't have another choice. Lily: There's three of them. They're gonna kill you. Richard: No. Not if I get my hands on one of those shotguns. Lily: You can barely walk. Richard: It's our only chance. I gotta do it now. If I'm not back by sundown, take the baby and walk due west. It's that way. Just keep going in a straight line. You understand? She leans over and kisses him. Richard: I'd give up another fifty years if it mean't finding you again. They kiss again. Lily is crying. Richard gets to his feet with the aid of a crutch and makes his way into the woods. Nina has found out about Tom's plans. Nina: You knew about this, didn't you? Marco: About what? Nina: Baldwin and Skouris signed Tess Doerner out of here and took her back to Evenson. Marco: They're rebuilding the tower. Nina: That would be one theory. Josiah and his sons are closing in on Richard and Lily. Richard jumps out on one of the sons and hits him with a stick, knocking him to the floor. As he does so his gun goes off and Isabelle begins crying. The mans brother appears, but Richard has picked up the gun and points it at him. Richard: Drop it, or I'll cut you in half. The man put's down the gun. Richard: Ok, turn around. As Richard advances, Josiah appears behind him and knocks him out with the butt of his rifle. Josiah: I taught you boy's better than this. He looks down at Richard. Josiah: Get up!! Nina and Marco arrive at the sanitarium accompanied by armed men. Tom approaches Diana who's working on the tower. Tom: Diana, how's it going? Diana: It turns out we're in better shape than I thought. The fire missed most of the wiring. Tom: So how soon till it's ready to go? Diana: Well, we've gotta finish triangulating the dishes, then we're good. His phone rings. Tom: Just get it done. [Into phone] Baldwin. Lily his hiding in the woods and hears Josiah shouting out to her. Josiah: We've got your man! Either you come out, or the next sound you hear is him being blown straight to hell! Richard: I told you she's miles away by now. One of the men kicks him back to the ground. Richard: Aaghh! Gabriel: Open your mouth again, I'll cut your tongue out. Isabelle begins to cry and Josiah hears it. Josiah: Watch him. Josiah walks towards the sound. Richard: Lily! Run!! The tower is almost finished and everyone is gathered. Tess has her arm around Kevin. Tess: Are you sure you don't want to say goodbye to me? I'm gonna miss you most of all. Tom looks out of the locked door and see's Nina advancing. One of the armed men smashes the glass. Nina: Last time Baldwin. Unlock the door. Tom: I can't do that. You said you wanted results. Nina: Listen to me Baldwin. You are not in your right mind. I was talking about. These are not the results that I was talking about. Now step away before you get hurt. She turns to the men Nina: Take it. They begin to batter down the door. Tom: Wait! Wait! Just wait, just wait! We need answers. That tower might provide them. Just listen. Listen. Listen to me. It's a risk, I know. But sometimes when you want to get to the truth, you have to take a leap of faith. Just listen to me. Nina: You want the truth? She turns to Marco, who approaches the door. Marco: Tess Doerner's memories of the future? They're not memories. She read them in a short story by H P Lovecraft. Shadow At A Time. I have it right here. I underlined some of the passages that show up verbatim in your report. They're just another delusion. Tom: No. Marco: I'm sorry Tom. Nina: Let's go. Okay, you guys, take it. She grabs Marco and the men begin to batter down the door. They rush into the courtyard and Diana frantically tries to finish what she's doing. Nina: Step away from that tower! Diana moves away, but seconds later dives back and switches it on. The tower powers up and everyone gazes up at it. The weather vane begins to point in the opposite direction and the tower emits a high pitched noise which throws everyone to the floor. Back in the woods, Richard is being kicked by Josiah's son. A gunshot is heard and Lily screams. Richard hits the man and runs towards the sound. Richard: Isabelle. Isabelle. Lily is standing looking at Josiah. His son is lying on the ground, dead. Josiah: My son! What did you make me do? Gabriel! My God! My son! No, no, Gabriel! Richard appears and grabs Lily. Lily: Richard! Josiah: It wasn't me. That creature made me pull the trigger. You've unleashed a devil into this world! And we're all going to burn. Isabelle is staring at him and he suddenly clutches at his chest, falling to the ground, dead. Josiah's other son appears, pointing a rifle. Isabelle stares at him and he takes the rifle and puts it under his chin. He pulls the trigger and falls dead to the ground. Back at the sanitarium, the people begin to get to their feet. Tess: Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Clayton: Let's get everybody back inside. I need a full head count before the next round of medications. Tess: Where are you? I did what you wanted, right? Talk to me. Dr Clayton approaches her. Clayton: Come on Tess. We all could use some rest. Tess: They lied to me. Or did I lie to you? She's taken away. Diana: Well, somehow I wanted more. Tom: I don't know what I expected. A big ball of light. A booming voice from the sky. Something. Maybe we built it wrong. Diana: Maybe. All I know is, I don't feel like picking up a hammer anymore. Ten minutes ago, that was all I could think of. Nina appears. Nina: Norad said the pulse disappeared before it left the atmosphere. Could be, all that sound and fury was for absolutely nothing. Now our first priority is to help the hospital personnel restore order here. The I want all of you who were infected with this thing, to be checked out by NTAC medical. Tom: Are you including me in that order, cos I'm not sure.... Nina: You were infected. Because if you're standing here telling me you weren't, I'm putting a date on that letter of resignation. Tom: I was definitely infected. Nina: I thought so. Clayton: We could use a little help, policing the area here. We need to get rid of these tools before one of the patients hurts themselves. Nina turns to Diana and Tom. Nina: You heard the man. Kevin is standing in the middle of the courtyard. Kevin: Excuse me, Dr Clayton! Clayton: Kevin? Did you just speak to me? Kevin: Yes I did. I haven't said anything for a long time. Clayton: Try six years. Kevin: I can think again, too. I don't know what happened. I feel better! Shawn and Collier are in the foyer of the 4400 center. Shawn: You had me followed? Collier: I could have had your conversation recorded. I just thought that might be pushing it. Shawn: Kyle was right. I'm some kind of prisoner. Collier: Shawn I've told you, you can leave here anytime you want, and I mean't it. But until you do, I will not allow these shadows from your past, to alter your perceptions of what it is we're trying to accomplish here. You're too important. Shawn: No, no. You mean, you need help bringing the big checks. Collier: Shawn, the money is a means to an end. The goal is what matters. Ensure the future. Save the planet. I can't do that without you. He walks away. Back at NTAC. Marco: You want proof that the future works in mysterious ways? Look no further than Mr Kevin Burkoff. Tom: Yeah, instead of contacting the future, we got him. Marco: Not as disappointing as it might seem at first flush. Burkoff was a tenured Professor of neuro-chemistry at Stanford University. Diana: Neuro-Science. Only class I ever got a B in. Marco: Yeah, you're not alone. Only a handful of people work at the top of the field at any given time. Our Mr Burkoff was the heir apparent. Until he suffered his first delusion at the age of 30. He was institutionalised two years later. Tom: What was he working on? Marco: You want a ripple effect? How's this? Burkoff specialised in dormant neural pathways. He was trying to wake up parts of the brain that we can't use. Nina: Parts that would do what? Diana: Parts that could lead to all kinds of special new abilities, like precognition. Right Marco? Marco: Precognition. Telekinesis. Stop me if any of this sounds familiar. Tom: Maia Rutledge. Orson Bailey. You're saying that Burkoff is the father of the 4400 technology. Marco: It's possible. Diana: And we just woke him up. Kevin has his bag packed and walks into Tess's room. She's sat on the bed. He kisses her on the cheek and leaves a book on the bed. An sick woman is taken to Shawns room. Tom and Kyle practise their golf swings at night, outside their house. Richard and Lily hitch a lift. Diana enters Maia's bedroom. She leans over and kisses her goodnight. Taking her journal out of the room. She sits and begins to read it. Maia Voiceover: Next door is going to get a kitten. Hope she let's me play with it.....There's going to be a book on how we all came back....We get to be a real family.....A computer for Christmas.....I hope Tom get's his job back....Mommy's bosses will be punished....Mommy's bosses will be punished....Mommy's bosses will be punished....Mommy's bosses will be punished for betraying us... Diana is shocked by the words and closes the journal.

Tom and Diana investigate a mysterious structure which is being built at a psychiatric hospital, based on the drawings of a schizophrenic 4400, Tess Doerner . Richard must protect his family when he and Lily are discovered to be 4400s. This is a two-part episode.

fd_Angel_03x04

fd_Angel_03x04_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Fred: "Handsome man. Saved me from the monsters." Gunn: "Anyone talked Fred lately?" Angel: "She's been back in this world for three months and she still hasn't gone out into it." Gavin: "I'm working on a little something aimed at Angel Investigations." Lilah: "What are you doing? Building code violations." Gavin: "I'm fighting Angel in my *own* way." Lilah: "I bet he's really terrified." Lilah to Angel: "It's just business." Angel: "Don't you come at me through Cordelia ever again." Night, Hyperion Lobby, Cordy is looking through a magazine, Wes is reading a book and Gunn is playing a hand-held video game. Fred comes down the stairs and walks up to Cordy. Cordy jumps and lets out a scream as Fred leans in to look at the magazine. Wes jumps and looks around at them. Gunn without looking up from his game: "Hey, Fred." Fred: "Sorry! Did - did I startle you guys?" Wes: "No." Cordy: "Only in the sense of shocking and jolting us. - What's up?" Fred: "Nothing. Just taking a little stroll and... (looks at open magazine) Why would girls wanna look like that? I spent years in a cave starving. What's their excuse?" Cordy: "Fashion." Fred laughs. Stops, sits down beside Cordy and looks around the lobby. Fred: "So - everybody's just reading and hanging out?" Cordy: "Angel's upstairs." Fred: "Oh. - He's probably reading, too. He's so deep, you know? Thoughtful. I'm guessing "The Brothers Karmazov", Joyce, a little Goethe to round things out." Angel appears on the open hallway overlooking the lobby, holding a newspaper. Angel: "Am I the only one who read this?" Wes: "Read what?" Angel: "Charlton Heston. Double feature! (Comes down the steps) At the Nu-art. "Soylent Green" and - "The Omega Man." Gunn, eyes on his game: "Wow." Angel: "It's two for one. Did I mention, Charlton Heston? Who's in?" Fred jumps up and raises her hand: "That sounds great!" Angel: "Fred. Wesley?" Wes: "Well, I'm in the middle of translating Fassad's guide from the original Sumerian." Angel: "Gunn. Cordy?" They don't even look up at him, so he goes to grab his coat. Angel: "Looks like it's just you and me, Fred. - Well, the worm certainly has turned." Fred, giggling: "Y-y-yeah. The worm's turning and... (Stops smiling) Am I the worm?" Angel: "No. You may not know this, Fred, but certain friends and co-workers have been known to accuse *me* of being the quiet, stay at home, sulky one. (All three of them turn to look at Angel) Some people - just don't know how to have fun anymore." Big hotel, young man is in bed with two girls. 1.Girl: "Can we take a breather, stud?" Woody: "If you need one." He turns to the other girl. 2.Girl: "Hey, tiger. Me too. Just for a minute?" Guy gets out of bed with a sigh and goes to pour himself a martini. 1.Girl: "Pace yourself, sweetheart." Woody turns to admire his body in the mirror. Woody: "Mmm, it's good to be young. (Walks back towards the bed) So. Ready for round four?" Woody suddenly hunches over in pain. 2.Girl: "You okay, baby?" Woody: "Oh - it's been fun. - Alli permutat anima kimota. Alli permutat anima kimota. Alli permutat anima kimota." A stream of red-white energy issues forth from his eyes and mouth. The stream cuts off and Woody turns to look at the girls watching wide-eyed from the bed. The girls start to scream as Woody begins to steam and his body begins to deflate into a puddle of skin on the ground. Intro. Wes is sitting behind his desk listening to Fred. Fred: "And he opened every door for me and he paid for the tickets. And even bought a giant popcorn. And every few minutes he'd go like this (motions like she is tipping a tub of popcorn towards someone, laughs). Because he wanted me to know it was okay for me to have some. (drops in a chair) And he's so lonely because he's the last man on earth." Wes: "Angel?" Fred: "No! Charlton Heston. The Omega Man? Omega being the last letter of the Greek alphabet so it's a metaphor. (Jumps back up) And he walks on the street side and not the building side. It's old-fashioned, but kind of chivalrous, you know?" Wes: "We're back to talking about Angel." Fred: "Right. And even though he didn't talk a lot, it was still okay. It was comfortable. It wasn't that awkward kind of quiet. You know that awkward kind of quiet?" There is a moment of silence. Wesley: "No. That's never happened to me." Angel is sitting in the lobby reading the newspaper. Cordy: "You need to talk to Fred." Angel: "What about?" Cordy: "About the big date you guys had last night." Angel: "Woah! Date? - It was just a movie." Cordy: "That's what you need to tell *her*. She's in there going on and on about what a super time you guys had." Angel: "She's just enthusiastic. Don't read too much into it." Cordy pushes his feet off the footstool and sits down on it. Cordy: "She's got the big puppy love. I mean, who wouldn't? You're handsome, and brave, and heroic, emotionally stunted, erratic, prone to turning evil and, lets face it, a eunuch." Angel: "Hey, how can you... I'm not a eunuch." Cordy: "Angel, it's just a figure of speech." Angel: "Find a better one." Cordy: "I just mean that s*x is a no-no for you. Because of this whole 'if you know perfect bliss you'll turn evil' curse. Really no cure for that, huh? - Listen, all I'm trying to tell you is, this thing with Fred, it's going to go bad unless it's nipped in the bud." Angel: "Okay. Maybe just a short talk. - So how soon can you do that?" Cordy gets up: "Nice try. It's gotta come from you." She takes a hold of Angel and pulls him up out of his chair and into Wes' office. Cordy: "Angel has something to say." Angel looks from Fred, who smiles at him, to Wes. Holds up his newspaper. Angel: "Hey, did anybody else see this? (Lays the paper down in front of Wes) Police found the body of a twenty-six year old Woodrow Raglan in a two-bedroom suite at the Elondria Hotel. Unnamed witness said it was as if his insides had just..." Wes: "...collapsed. You know, there was something else like that - last week." Cordy: "Uhm, may I just point out that no one is actually hiring us to look into this and that we should be doing more important things?" Wes holds up a newspaper clipping: "Here. Ten days ago, a body - found in another hotel room - under similar conditions." Angel: "What do you think? Spell, curse - serial demon?" Wes: "Though to say. Worth a closer look." Angel: "I'll say. Cordelia, open up a case file. We have to get on this right away." Angel hands Cordy the file with the newspaper clipping as he walks past her out of the office. Cordy: "Angel!" Cordy hurries after him. Wolfram and Hart, day. Gavin: "Good morning, Lilah." Lilah: "Good morning. Well, here we are at *my* office. Bye." Gavin: "You're a though one. I know I'm gonna have to earn your respect. But give me a little time. You'll see I'm a creative guy." Lilah: "Oh, like your 'lets torment Angel with building code violations' idea? Uh, so machiavellian! We'll just drown him in red tape." Gavin: "There are other level's to this, Lilah. Avenues of interest I have... One of them being: does Angel even exist?" Lilah: "Are you getting metaphysical on me?" Gavin: "No. The guy has no social security number, no tax payer ID, no last name as far as I know. How can he go down to the building department, or anywhere else in officialdom for that matter? - He's the rat and we're the maze. Don't you wanna see what he'll do next?" Lilah: "He might just rip out your throat." Gavin: "Do you think he'd do something that cliched? Gosh. Maybe you don't know him as well as you think." Gavin walks off down the hallway. Lilah looks after him, then, instead of entering her office, goes over to the desk of her secretary. Lilah: "Get Carter Williams on the phone. (The girl at the desk just looks at her) The graphic artist? (Lilah sighs) Oh, look under 'F' for forger." Lilah turns and walks into her office, closing the door. Hyperion, night. Cordy takes a printout from the printer and carries over to where the others are leaning against the reception counter. Wes: "There was a third victim five weeks ago. They were all young, healthy males. They all died in expensive hotel suites." Fred: "Can you imagine shelling out all that money for a snazzy suite and then kerplop, you're a big bag of mush bones? I guess it wouldn't be good wherever that happened. (Wes looks at her) Oh - please continue." Wes: "Gunn, I was thinking you could interview the staff of these hotels where the guys died. I'm meeting a contact of mine from the coroner's office in thirty minutes. See what I can learn about these bodies." Cordy: "They were all members of the same health club. The bodies - when they weren't - you know - dead ones." Angel walks over to look at Cordy's printout, pulling out his car keys. Angel: "Cordy and I'll go check out the gym." Wes: "My thought exactly." Cordy grabs the keys: "I'll drive." Gunn: "What are we waiting for?" Wes: "Everyone know what they're doing? Good." They all leave - except for Fred, still standing in front of the reception desk. Fred: "I'll just stay here. (Laughs) Okay. I'll do that." Cordy and Angel are walking into the health club. Cordy: "You can't just keep ignoring Fred! You have to speak to her. You know, there is your business life and then there is your social life, and everybody knows that you keep those two things sepa..." Cordy trails off as one of the male health club members walks by. Cordy: "I'm gonna go see if *he* knows anything." Walks away from Angel. Angel spots a club attendant and walks up to him. Angel: "Hi. I was just wondering,could ask you a few questions? My name is Angel." Phil shakes Angel's hand: "Angel. Good news, dude, we are running our best offer ever! Okay, I can get you a six months trial membership right now for three hundred and fifty dollars." Angel: "No. I'm looking into some guys that were members here." Angel pulls out the newspaper clipping and shows it to Phil. Phil: "Oh, yeah, Woody, right. I heard he like - died." Angel: "He like did. Along with the others. All members. So, I need to ask you, Phil, does the club condone steroid use?" Phil: "No. No, no, no a-a-absolutely not." Angel: "Then we should probably keep this between ourselves, don't you think? I'll just take a look at their records and I'll get out of your hair." Phil after a beat: "Yeah, yeah, o-okay." He and Angel leave. Cordy is interviewing two guys. Cordy: "So, did you ever see anyone come in who looked suspicious - or really pale - or maybe green and scaly?" The guys look at each other. Angel and Phil are looking through some papers. Phil: "You know, I-I-I don't see anything that connects the three of them - except they were all in the evening Pilates class together." Angel: "Pilates, is that like Tae-bo?" Phil laughs: "Yeah - if you're living in 1999." Angel walks into the room where a group of people are participating in an exercise class. Instructor: "Relax your neck and shoulders, using your lower abdominals, bring the spine down to the floor. Take a deep breath in and as your arms come up to the ceiling..." Angel circles the room, he looks out of the big window at the back of the room. He sees light reflecting off a pair of circles in one of the windows of the building across the street. Looks at the sign in front of the other building: Monserrat, retirement community. Cordy, talking to four guys: "There could be follow-up questions. I'll need some home phone numbers. Why don't we start with you, Benny?" Angel comes up behind her and leans in close to her. Angel: "There is a retirement home in the street behind us. I'm gonna check something out." Cordy: "Bye." Angel looks at the four guys, starts to leave then turns back to Cordy. Angel: "Maybe when you're done with your *work* - here - you can pick me up. - Okay." Angel leaves. Cordy: "He's just someone I work with. Anyway..." Angel looks up at the window of the retirement home where he saw the reflection. Angel knocks at the door of room 316. The nameplate says Marcus Roscoe. An old man wearing big, round glasses slowly opens the door. Angel: "Mr. Roscoe. My name is Angel." Angel hands him one of their business cards. Marcus: "Angel Investigations." Angel: "Would it be alright if I came inside and asked you a few questions?" Marcus: "Well, it's ah, pretty late." Angel: "Shouldn't take long." Marcus turns and walks back into his room, leaving the door open. Angel shifts but remains standing outside. Marcus turns back and motions to him. Marcus: "Come on if you're coming." Angel walks in, closing the door behind him. He looks around then walks over to the window. Angel: "Nice to have view. I bet you, ah, spend a lot of time enjoying it." Marcus: "Not that, uh, much... (Sees Angel holding up the pair of binoculars he found on the window sill) Uh. - Well, I don't see any harm in looking. That's about all I can do anymore. Uh - what is it you want?" Angel: "Your help. (Angel puts the binoculars down and pulls out some newspaper clippings) I wonder if you've seen either of these men across the way in the gym." Marcus flips through them: "No. I don't think so. I'm more of a girl watcher. You know what I'm saying? - Jeez - they all died? How?" Angel: "That's what we're trying to find out." Marcus: "You work with the police?" Angel: "I'm a private investigator. I work with a team." Marcus: "Hmm, sounds nice. I was a salesman. Worked alone for fifty years." Angel: "Hmm. (Spots a shelf holding various pottery) Nothian herb jar. (Picks it up) That's a - pretty exotic item. Did you, ah, deal in the occult?" Marcus: "Occult shmuccult. I traveled a lot. Picked up some trinkets." Angel spots some extreme sports magazines lying on the table. He puts the jar back on the shelf. Angel: "Do a lot of bungee jumping, Mr. Roscoe?" Marcus: "More than you might think, Mr. Angel." Angel: "Just Angel." Marcus takes off his glasses and puts them in the breast pocket of his shirt. Takes a couple of steps closer to Angel. Marcus: "I'll remember that. (Looks at Angel) Alli permutat anmia kimota. Alli permutat anmia kimota." Angel chuckles: "You might wanna think twice about trying to cast a sp..." Red-white light streams from Marcus into Angel, while blue-white light streams from Angel to Marcus. After the light vanishes, Angel looks around, shrugs his shoulders. Marcus stares at Angel, eyes slightly squinted. Marcus: "You *are* me." Angel grabs Marcus by the shoulders and head-butts him, then lowers the unconscious old man into a chair. Angel: "That's gonna smart later." Angel walks out of the gate of the Moserrat and starts to saunter down the sidewalk. Cordy: "Ah, hello!" Angel turns and sees Cordy sitting at the wheel of the convertible. He walks over, chuckles and leans on the top of the windshield. Angel: "He-llo." Cordy: "So, what did you find at the old folks home?" Angel: "Uh - nothing. Didn't pan out. How about you?" Cordy: "I got a two month free trial membership, and I made some new friends... - Alright. I got nothing." Angel: "Pretty clear we're barking up the wrong tree here, huh?" Cordy after a beat: "Yeah. - Well - get in. I'll take you back to the hotel." Angel grins and gets into the car and puts his arm on the back of Cordy's seat. Angel: "Alright! You and me - going back to the hotel. Nice, huh?" Cordy: "Are you alright?" Angel grinning: "Honey, I've never been better." Break Angel follows Cordy into the lobby of the Hyperion. Angel: "Nice! (Sees Cordy walking around the reception desk) You supposed to be back there? - (Hits the little bell on the counter) Ding, ding! Paying customers. Hellooo. (Whistles) Slow night, huh?" Cordy: "Yeah. But maybe Wes or Gunn found out something." Angel: "Wes or Gunn." Angel notices the stand of 'Angel Investigations' business cards on the counter. There are some with Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, some with Charles Gunn, some with just the business name, and others with Cordelia Chase, Senior Associate on it. Angel quietly: "They're a great part of our investigating team. Hmm. Working here with us in this old abandoned hotel." Picks up one of Cordy's cards. Angel: "Cordelia... (Cordy turns to look at him) have I ever told you you are a *very* *beautiful* woman?" Cordy goes back to sorting through the papers on her desk. Cordy: "Ha, ha. Very funny. I know you never said anything that tacky or overt to Fred. But you're still gonna have that talk - whether you want to or not." Cordy walks around the counter to stand a little ways down from Angel. Angel: "Talk with Fred." Cordy: "Yes! Just - keep it simple. One: you're not like other men. Two: there is no room in the workplace for romance." Angel: "Romance with Fred. - So I'm a... (Looks down at his clothes) Obviously." Cordy turns to go: "Get some rest. See you tomorrow." Marcus wakes up in his chair. Looks around and tries to get up. Doesn't make it. Tries again. Still can't just get up. Puts his hands on the arms of the chair and levers himself to his feet. He walks over to look in a mirror but only sees a blurry man-shape. Puts on his glasses and watches Marcus reflection become clear. Marcus is sneaking through the lobby of the Monserrat to the receptionist desk. Picks up the phone and dials. Angel is looking through papers back in Wesley's office. The phone rings but he lets the machine get it. Cordy's voice: "You've reached the offices of Angel Investigations. Please leave a message after the tone." Beep. Marcus voice: "Cordelia? Are you there? Pick up!" Angel picks up the phone: "Hey, Angel. How's my head? Hope you put some ice on it. Sweet deal you've got going on here, pal. Love the hotel. And Cordelia - whoh! That's how I spell w-o-m-a-n!" Marcus: "Where is she?" Angel: "You don't have to worry about anything except eating some nice soft foods and staying out of Ryan's way." Marcus: "Ryan?" An orderly takes the phone from Marcus. Ryan: "You wouldn't think that we just talked about this! (Hangs up the phone) There go your phone privileges for the rest of the month." Angel takes the tape out of the answering machine and smashes it. Ryan is walking Marcus down a hall at the Monserrat. Ryan: "You know you're not supposed to be out of your room at this hour." Marcus: "I was stretching my legs." Ryan puts a hand over his name badge: "Who am I?" Marcus: "You're Ryan." Ryan chuckles: "At least you're not having an episode. My advice, Marcus: if you start thinking you're a twenty-four year old stud, or a famous skateboarder, keep it to yourself. Unless you *wanna* wake up in iso and restraints again. Copy?" Marcus points at himself: "I know who *I* am." Ryan: "Then let's get *you* back to beddy-bye." Hyperion, day. Cordy walks into Wes' office to find Angel slumped asleep on top of the desk with papers littering the whole room. Cordy: "Angel!" Angel's head jerks up, obscured by the page of paper that he was sleeping on, stiil stuck to his face. Cordy: "What happened?" Angel pulls the paper off his face and takes a quick glance around. Angel: "Uh... hey, doll. I ah, (puts some papers back into an open file) was working on the case. I must have dozed off." Cordy: "You were too tired to go up to your room?" Angel: "My room, right - which I have upstairs. Well, you know me. Always giving a hundred percent. (Gets up and looks through the mess) Now what did I do with the darn case file..." Cordy quietly: "You gave it to me yesterday." Angel: "Ha. Must be getting old." Angel reaches for the file but Cordy puts it behind her back. Cordy: "Not until you have that talk with Fred." Wes walks in carrying an old English teapot. Wes: "You know there is something about brewed tea you simply can not replicate with a bag. (Sees the mess) What happened here?" Angel shuffling papers together: "I was just looking for something. Uh, I'll clean it up!" Cordy turns to go: "Don't avoid the talk." Angel: "I know. I know." Wes walks around the desk, picking up some of the papers, and looking over the mess. Angel: "Hey. How're you doing?" Wes: "Alright. Well... - you?" Angel pulls up a chair on the other side of Wes' desk and sits down. Angel: "So, we gotta talk. The thing is, I've got nothing against you personally. It's just..." Wes raises his head to stare at Angel who shifts uncomfortably in his chair. Angel not looking at Wes: "O-ho, this is gonna be harder than I-I thought. I just don't know how to spit this out." Wes comes around the desk and sits down on it's edge facing Angel. Wes: "Angel. Whatever it is, you know I'm here for you." Wes stretches out a hand towards Angel, and Angel hurriedly scoots his chair back. Angel: "Yeah. That may be the problem. (Chuckles uncomfortably) I mean, whatever we - had... - whatever we - did. I just think that we should keep that - behind us. - Start from scratch. You know, two men working side by side. But, you know, none of that - funny stuff." Wes straightens up, a slight frown on his face. Angel offers his hand. Angel: "Shake on that?" Wes after a beat: "I guess." Wes takes Angel's hand, who gives it a hearty shake, then pulls Wes into a big hug. Angel: "Hey, all right. Gimme a hug." Cordy: "Wesley, food's here." Wes: "Okay." Angel pulls back from Wes, holding him at arms length. Angel: "Wesley?" Wes: "Yes?" Angel: "Do you know where Fred is?" Wes: "Uhm - up in her room I'd expect." Angel: "*Her* room. Right. - Somebody say something about food? I could eat a horse." Angel turns and walks out of Wes' office. Gunn is standing in front of a carton holding cups and fast food. Gunn: "Breakfast burritos all around." Angel grabs one of the burritos, and sticks some money into the breast pocket of Gunn's jacket. Angel: "Thanks, bro. Keep the change on that." Gunn: "O-kay." Wes: "Get anything from the hotel staff?" Angel sitting at his little folding desk munching on the burrito looks over at Gunn and Wes. Gunn: "Yeah, I did. All these guys ran up huge service bills, mostly alcohol. Well, at least they went out partying. Oh, and I got copies of their telephone bills, too." Angel talking with his mouth full: "Hey, isn't that illegal? I mean, don't these guys deserve a little privacy?" They all turn to stare at Angel. Angel: "What?" Cordy: "Why are you eating?" Angel: "I'm hungry." Wes: "Looks like they called the same number." Gunn: "Yeah, saw that, too. Checked it out. (Pulls out a paper and hands it to Wes) First class escorts, La Brea and sixth." Angel gets up and moves over to them. Cordy: "Escorts. Oh, you mean hookers?" Gunn takes the paper out of Wes' hand: "I should probably interview them right away - while the trail is hot." Wes takes the paper back: "Ah, I'll take this one. You interviewed the hotel staff. It's only fair if we divvy it up." Gunn again taking the paper: "Yeah, but I figured it out." Cordy snatches the paper: "I'll interview the hookers. Are there any men who aren't just dogs?" Angel: "Not very many, I'm afraid. (Leans in close to Wes) You know a woman is more than a piece of meat. I'm sorry. That's just how I feel." Wes' beeper goes off and he checks the display. Wes: "Ah, my contact at the coroner. I can see one of the bodies. I should go." Cordy: "Gunn can go with you." Gunn: "That wasn't the kind of body I had in mind to see. (Cordy looks at him) We're going, we're going." Gunn and Wes leave and Cordy follows them. Angel: "Hey, you know what? That's a great idea. I'll just stay here, hold the fort - keep an eye on the evidence." Crams some more burrito in his mouth. Marcus is sitting on a sofa in the lobby of the Monserrat with an open book on his lap. He sees the security guard at the desk by the doors get up to help an old lady with a walker accompanied by a younger woman through the door. Watches as the guard helps them over to the elevators. He gets up to head for the unguarded doors, but is intercepted by an old, black man being visited by his family. Jackson: "Marcus, I got someone I want you to meet." Marcus: "Oh, I can't right now." Jackson takes the baby from his daughters arms and hands her to Marcus. Jackson: "This is my baby granddaughter Katrina. (To baby) Girl's gonna *rule* the world! (To Marcus) Isn't she something?" Marcus takes the girl in his arm a smile spreading across his face. He looks past Jackson to the unoccupied guard desk, looks back down at the baby. Marcus: "She's beautiful." Marcus looks over to see that the guard has returned to his post. Angel is in Wes' office, shredding the newspaper clippings of the mysterious dead guys. That done, he sits back with a sigh, puts his feet up on the desk and picks up a martini glass sitting on it to take a sip. Fred: "What you doing?" Angel sees Fred and grins: "Well. Hey, sweetheart. Where you've been hiding?" Fred flustered: "You know, up in my room. Everybody keeps saying 'Fred, you should get out more' so, well..." Angel: "Fred - mmm." Angel takes a sip from his glass then gets up and walks around the desk to stand in front of Fred. Angel: "Have I ever told you you are a very *beautiful* woman? Fred: "Uhm - no?" Angel: "Do you like olives?" Angel pulls the toothpick with the olive out of his drink and offers it to Fred, who eats it out of his hand. Angel: "Tell you what, I have some work I have to finish up here. Why don't you go on upstairs and put on something pretty and we'll go out on the town." Fred: "Really?" Angel tips her on the nose with the toothpick: "And that's just for starters." Fred: "Okay, I'll just - I'll go and - okay." Runs out of the office. Angel shakes his head: "Hoo!" He goes to sit back down at the desk, whistling and shredding files. Lilah walks into the office and Angel turns the shredder off. Angel: "And what can I *do* for *you*?" Lilah: "Don't go all nightstalker on me. I'm here to do you a favor. (Angel checks Lilah out) We both agree that business with Cordelia was just business, right?" Angel after a beat: "Sure." Lilah pulls a bundle of folded papers from her briefcase and drops on the desk in front of Angel. Lilah: "It's all in there. Earthquake safe certification, statement of asbestos level compliance... All of it." Angel picks up the bundle then drops it back on the desk. He looks up at Lilah. Stands up, picking up his martini glass and walks around the desk. Lilah: "I'm not playing you here. It's not about you. It's about Gavin. He thinks he's so smart. (Angel pour two martini glasses) - You're welcome." Angel: "I'm sorry. Thanks. (Puts olives in each glass) That was a really - thoughtful favor. - How about a drink? (picks up the two glasses and offers one to Lilah) Have I ever told you you're a very *beautiful* woman?" Lilah hesitantly accepts the glass and Angel clinks his against hers. Marcus is walking down some steps in the Monserrat. Peeks around the corner at the end of the hallway to see the security guard at the desk reading a newspaper. Scoots back away. Notices the fire alarm on the wall. Glances back at the guard station, then trips the alarm. The alarm sounds and the guard jumps up from his desk and hurries away to look for the source. Marcus shuffle-runs towards the desk and the exit. Looks down at his left arm, grabs it with his other hand, starts to huff and puff. Marcus: "M-my heart..." Slowly collapses to the ground. Lilah is sitting in a chair across from Angel, who is sitting on Wes' desk. She sets down her empty glass. Angel: "Want another?" Lilah: "I'm gonna have to call a taxi as it is." Lilah gets up to leave - only to run against Angel's leg, stretched straight out to bar her way. Angel chuckles: "Oops!" Lilah: "What do you want?" Angel brushes the hair back from Lilah's face: "You. - Don't tell me you never thought about it." Angel stands up, leans in close and kisses her. Lilah pulls away shaking her head a little. Angel smiles at her then pulls her in for another kiss - which Lilah returns, passionately. They start groping each other. Lilah rips Angel's shirt open. Angel sweeps the stuff on Wes' desk to the side and pushes her down onto it. Fred walks up to the open door of Wes' office, wearing a long dress, her long hair open, with a shy smile on her face. She walks in to see Angel and Lilah groping wildly on top of Wes' desk. Her eyes widen, then she turns and runs away. Angel is nuzzling Lilah's neck. Suddenly vamps out and bites her as Lilah lets out a surprised scream. Break [SCENE_BREAK] Lilah pushes Angel off her and gets up off the desk. Lilah: "You son of a bitch!" Angel: "Whoa! I'm sorry! It just - felt like the thing to do. (Stares at the cross Lilah is holding up to ward him off) Whoa! What are you born again all of a sudden?" Lilah: "I don't know what kind of sick game this is, Angel, but I hope you enjoyed it because you're never getting this close to me again." Angel is trying to get closer only to find himself shying back from the cross in her hands. Lilah walks out and Angel lifts a hand to run it through his hair - only to touch the thickened brow of his forehead. Angel: "What? This is new." Angel explores his face with his fingers, pricks his right thumb on his fangs. Angel: "Ow!" Angel reflectively sticks his thumb in his mouth and sucks on it, takes it back out to look at it in surprise, then sticks it back in to suck some more. Angel: "Ah. Hmm..." Still sucking on his thumb he walks into the bathroom - only to *not* see himself in the mirror. Angel: "What the..." Marcus is lying on a hospital bed, and IV going into the back of his right hand, watching the lights on the heart monitor beside his bed. Ryan: "You're awake." Marcus looks up at him: "It's beating." His right hand is resting on his chest over his heart, gently keeping the beat. Ryan: "That was your fourth heart attack, Marcus. I don't know if you can survive another one. You got lucky this time. Try something like that again, you may not be." Marcus returns to watching the heart monitor display. Hyperion, night. Cordy walks into the dimly lit lobby. Cordy: "If Julia Roberts ever makes a realistic movie about being an escort, I think it should be called pretty skanky woman." Cordy stops by the counter to look around the deserted lobby. Cordy: "Angel? - Fred!" Cordy puts her stuff down. Hears some soft sobbing noises. She walks over and opens the elevator doors to reveal Fred hunched up in one corner of it, her arms wrapped tightly around her knees, crying. Cordy: "Fred. What's wrong? What happened?" Fred: "I should've knocked. I always forget to knock because, you know, I didn't have a door for so long. (Fred looks over at Cordy, trying to suppress her sobs) He called me a sweetheart. But it's just an expression, isn't it? Like when a waitress calls you honey, it doesn't mean your special or anything. It's just a word, right? Sweetheart." Cordy softly: "Is this about Angel? (Fred nods) Oh. - He talked to you, didn't he?" Cordy sits down beside Fred and sighs. Cordy: "This is all my fault. I told him to do that." Fred's turns her head to stare at Cordy. Fred: "You told him to make out with that woman on the desk?" Cordy: "What? No. - What woman?" Angel walks into a nightclub, moving with the music. Stops by the bar and turns to survey the room. He spots a pretty, dark haired girl sitting at a table with her boyfriend. The girl looks over at him and their eyes lock for a moment before she turns her attention back to her boyfriend. Angel keeps watching as the boyfriend gets up, taking his empty glass with him. The girl looks back over at Angel still standing by the bar. Some people walks past between them and after they're gone the girl's face falls as Angel is gone as well, only to set a full martini glass down in front of her a moment later. Angel is sitting with the girl at the table, whispering something in her ear. Under the table his hand is on her leg. Flash cut to Angel pulling the laughing girl after him out of the door to the club onto a balcony. The boyfriend and another guy walk up to the table to find it deserted. Angel and the girl are kissing out in front of the club. Girl with a smile: "My boyfriend is probably looking for me right now. He could catch us at any moment!" Pulls Angel in close for another kiss. Girl: "Sort of makes it more exciting doesn't it?" Angel: "Yeah. (Pulls back from nuzzling her neck and the girl screams at his vamp face) It does." Angel leans in and bites her, just as her boyfriend and two other guys walk out onto the balcony behind them. Boyfriend: "Hey!" Angel lets the girl go and spins around, morphing back into his human face as he does so. Boyfriend: "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Angel licks the blood from the corner of his lips. Girl: "He bit me!" Boyfriend: "Freak!" He hauls back to hit Angel, but Angel catches his fist in his hand, clamping down on it. The guy groans in pain, then flies back as Angel hits him. Angel hold up his fist and looks at it. Angel: "Nice!" Angel stands there inviting the other two guys to hit him. He takes a kick to the face from the first guy, then grabs him by the throat, head butts him and tosses him aside. Walks right into the fist of the second guy, and returns the hit with a wide swing of his own then tosses that guy to the side as well and turns to face the boyfriend, scooting backwards away from him. Angel: "Come on! Bring it on. Is that it? Is that all you got?" Boyfriend: "What are you on?" Angel: "Well, you know, I'd say I'm high on life only - I ain't alive - which means - I'm never gonna die. I'm gonna be young, handsome and *strong* forever! (Laughs) There is just one thing I gotta do first!" With that Angel turns away, runs over to the railing, jumps on top, then off of it, only to easily land some stories below running down the street laughing. Wes: "I do not believe it. On my desk?" Gunn: "Well, it did used to be his. Maybe he was just kinda - reclaiming it." Wes: "How? By marking it? - This isn't like him." Wes walks around the desk and crouches down to look at some books lying open on the floor. Cordy: "What? This is totally like him. Doing the mystery dance with some cheap blonde?" Fred: "Brunette. She was a cheap brunette." Cordy: "You're right. This isn't like him." Gunn: "So, who was she?" Wes: "I don't think it matters who *she* was. The question is, who is *he*?" Cordy: "Uh-huh. We're all thinking it. - He's Angelus again." Fred: "Who's Angelus?" Gunn: "The bad-ass vamp Angel turns into when he gets evil. But then why is there no body here? Wouldn't he've just killed her?" Wes: "No, that's not what I meant. Why would Angel, or Angelus for that matter, (holds up the open books) need to read about vampires?" Cordy: "He wouldn't." Gunn: "Wait. What are you getting at?" Wes: "This case we've been working on. Each of the victims exhibited wild, uncharacteristic behavior just before they died. They weren't themselves." Gunn: "Oh! So you think Angel's been infected by whatever got into those gym boys." Wes: "Not 'whatever' - whomever. Cordelia, when you and him were at the gym did anything unusual happen to Angel?" Cordy: "No, not really. I was with him pretty much the whole time. - Except for when he went across the street to the..." Cut to the Monserrat retirement community. Marcus is sneaking down a hallway. He enters a deserted common area off the lobby. Sticking his hands in his pockets, he tries to act casual. Jackson: "Hey. (Marcus jumps and turns around) What the hell are you doing out of bed? You trying to bust loose again, ain't you? Damn, Marcus - you don't quit, do you? Do want to have another heart attack?" Marcus: "Look - I can't really explain this, but I *need* to get out of here. (Puts his hands on Jackson's shoulders) Just - don't turn me in." Jackson: "Not gonna have to. Your kid was signing in at reception when I came down." Marcus: "My kid?" Jackson: "M-hm." Jackson walks off. Marcus turns and sees Angel talking to Ryan at the other end of the lobby. Angel turns and looks at Marcus with a smile. Angel: "Hi, dad." Break Marcus backs out of Angel's view. Angel slowly saunters across the lobby after him. Angel turns the corner down a branch of a deserted hallway. He sniffs the air, then turns around, smiling, to enter the darkened rec-room. Marcus is standing in the shadows besides the door. As Angel turns on the light, Marcus hits him over the head with a shuffleboard staff. Angel is thrown off balance but catches Marcus' next hit and pulls the staff from his hands. Marcus staggers back. Marcus: "So, I guess you finally found a body that won't burn out, huh, Marcus?" Angel: "Looks like." Marcus: "Only one way you can keep it though, right? You got to kill yourself!" Marcus smacks his fist against his chest over his heart. Angel mimics the gesture: "Mmm! I can live with that!" Marcus: "You sure? I don't think you *really* know what you're getting into." Angel steps away from the door, walking towards Marcus, standing in the middle of the room. Angel: "Oh, I know what I'm getting into. *You're* the one that doesn't seem to know what you had. As far as I can tell you were the world's worst vampire. Vampires don't *help* people, you *moron* - they kill 'em! Here, let me show you." Marcus holds up a hand: "You may have the attitude, and you may have the power - but there is one thing you don't have, and never will: friends. (The shot widens to reveal Cordy, Fred, Wes and Gunn walking in through the door behind Angel) Four of them, standing behind you (Angel spins around to look) with big, heavy things." Angel: "Guys! It's about time. It's *him* - he's the one who's been casting that spell." Cordy: "You're Angel? With *that* cologne? I don't think so." Gunn walks up and put his loaded crossbow against Angel's chest. Marcus: "Don't stake him." Angel bats Gunn's crossbow aside and lifts his staff to push both Gunn and Wes into the wall. Angel drops the staff and turns to run - right into Cordy and Fred and their wooden baseball bats. Gunn uses the shuffleboard staff to swipe Angel's legs out from under him, dropping Angel. Angel jumps back up, wrestles the bat away from Fred and turns with it towards Marcus. Cordy pulls out a tazer and hits Angel with a charge of blue-white light. Angel lands face down, in an unmoving heap at Marcus feet. Cordy: "God, I love technology. (Hurries over to Marcus) Are you alright?" Marcus: "I gotta pee." Wes: "Did you happen to notice a small Algurian conjuring orb? Could have been glowing." Marcus: "In his room, on a shrine." Wes: "Then I was right. (Looks down at Angel's body) Algurian body-switching spell. Keep an eye on him." Fred hauls back and hits Angel's body over the head, causing Gunn to jump. Marcus: "Fred! He's out! He's out!" They have tied Angel's unconscious body to a chair in Marcus' room. Marcus sits down on the chair across from him as Wes hands him a piece of paper. Wes: "Read this." Marcus: "Alli permutat anima kimota. Alli permutat anima kimota." Angel's head comes up. A blue light starts to issue from Marcus eyes and nose, a red one from Angel's eyes. The blue light disappears into Angel's mouth, while the red light enters Marcus as soon as the blue light leaves it. Marcus and Angel's head sag onto their chests, but after a moment Angel's head comes back up. He looks up at Gunn, a slightly dazed expression on his face. Angel: "It's cool, Gunn. It's me." Gunn bends to untie Angel's hands. Cordy: "I got his conjuring stone." Angel takes it into his hand. Marcus: "You can't take that!" Angel closes his hand, crushing the stone to powder. Marcus: "You...! You don't deserve that body!" Angel: "Funny. I was gonna say the same thing to you. (Stands up) I tell you why you have a weak heart, Marcus. You never use it." Angel starts to leave, with the others falling in behind him. Marcus: "You're pathetic! (Stands up) You're all pa..." Angel, turning back: "You should try and keep a lid on that rage, Marcus. It's - not healthy." Angel and the gang walk out as Marcus sinks back into his chair, clutching at his heart. Marcus moaning weakly: "Help..." Ryan and another attendant see Angel and the gang coming out of Marcus room. Ryan: "What's going on?" Angel: "Dad's having a bad night." The Hyperion's garden court, night. Fred is sitting on the edge of the dry fountain, reading a book. Angel comes down the steps behind her. Angel: "Hi." Fred: "Hey. - How's your head? S-sorry about all that..." Fred makes some hitting movements. Angel: "Ah, I - gather I - had it coming." Fred: "Mmm. - Yes." Angel goes to sit down beside her. Angel: "Fred, I've been meaning to talk to you about something." Fred puts her book down and smiles at him: "Okay." Angel sits there silently staring into the night for a beat. Fred: "Is this about how you're not like other men - what with that curse and all... and how you're really fond of me, but that's as far at it goes?" Angel: "Uhm... - yeah." Fred: "Cordelia explained it to me. (Gives a little chuckle) She said you'd probably just screw it up." Angel: "Oh, she did, did she? - And she's probably right." Fred sighs and looks down. Angel: "What?" Fred: "It's like something out of Fitzgerald. - The man who can have everything but love. - Well, maybe in some ways you're better off, because love is... - Well, in a way it's everything. - But it's also heartache and disappointment. - And those are good things to avoid." Cordy comes hurrying out and Angel and Fred turn their heads to look at her. Cordy, a bit breathless: "Angel, Willow's on the phone... She's alive! Buffy's alive!" With that Cordy turns around and hurries back in. Angel and Fred look at each other for a beat then Angel jumps up and runs into the hotel after Cordy. Fred: "Buffy?"

While investigating some mysterious deaths, Angel switches bodies with a old guy named Marcus. Marcus immediately takes over Angel's life, while Angel is stuck in a retirement home. When Marcus realizes that Angel's body gives him vampire powers, he decides that they only way to keep it is to get rid of Angel once and for all.

fd_The_Office_06x21

fd_The_Office_06x21_0

Dwight: [Michael grunts and strains while doing push-ups] Breathe. Work your core. Come on. Michael: How many is that? Dwight: Not counting the last one, 25. Michael: Count the last one. Dwight: Ok, 25 and one girl push-up! Michael: Oh, new record! Dwight: Okay. Michael: Oh, what did you do today? Jim: I made a sale. Michael: Oh, yeah, sitting on your big fat butt. Alright, that is the number to beat. Meredith: What do we get if we do 'em? Michael: My respect. [everyone returns to work] Okay, I'll make it a little more interesting. Anyone who does more than 25 push-ups - Dwight: And one girl push-up. Michael: Gets to go home. [everyone starts to do push-ups] Ooh! I say 'dance,' they say 'how high?' Here we go. Oh, no. No, no, no. Butt to high. [steps on Angela] Disqualified! Angela: Ow! Michael: What do we got? Creed, disqualified. Creed: [from desk chair] Oh, come on! Jim: 19. [grunts] I had a really hard work out this morning. Michael: [Stanley straining and breathing heavily] Oh, wow, that is adorable! Phyllis: Ten... Michael: Yeah, I'm betting one more. Phyllis: Eleven, wow! Michael: Good. Everyone: [chanting] Stan-ley! Stan-ley! Stan-ley... Michael: Alright, alright. [chanting continues] [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Essentially, what we have here is one of those stories where a mother lifts a car to save her baby. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Well, it's not exactly fair. He's got all of his weight that's helping him go down. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: 25. Yeah! Come on, you can do it! Phyllis: One more, one more! [cheers and applause] Oscar: You okay? You okay, Stanley? Stanley: Excuse me. Jim: Wow. [applause] [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Hey. Matt, right? Matt: Hey, Oscar. You're here early. Oscar: I always come in at 7. Warehouse Guy: No, you don't. Oscar: Well... Hey, uh, are you doing anything later tonight? Matt: I don't know. I'm free. If you hear of anything going on, let me know. Oscar: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Yeah, we talked this morning and we talked at Christmas. So, a little momentum there. [tries to open door, locked] Just a couple of hours to kill before work. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Hey, what's up? Oscar: Hey, nice office. Darryl: Thanks, it's cool. So... Oscar: You know what we haven't done in a while? Happy hour. Upstairs, the warehouse, everybody just going out for a drink. Darryl: Has that ever happened? Ever? Oscar: Didn't we? I think we did. Darryl: You want me to invite Matt? Oscar: Yeah, the whole gang, Matt included. Darryl: Look, just be straight with me, man. You can be gay with Matt, just be straight with me. Oscar: So happy hour. Darryl: Happy hour. My pleasure. Oscar: All right. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: So what do you think? Phyllis: Hmmm, I saw a new drink on TV I'd like to try. I'll ask Bob. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: Yeah, I love going to bars with Bob. I tend to wear something low-cut, get men to flirt with me, and Bob beats 'em up. What? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: A bunch of us are talking about happy hour. Jim: I would love, love, love to go. Only problem is, Pam's at home with the baby and I think she wants a night in. Andy: Oh, baloney. Jim: Good one. Andy: Ring her up. Jim: Absolutely, I will do that right now. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I gotta tell you, this baby is amazing. She gets me out of everything. And I - and I love her. I also love her, very much. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: So some of the co-workers were thinking of going out tonight, but I told them- Pam: [on phone] Yes! Yes! I would love to! Andy: Ha! Knew it! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [through phone] It's been so long since I've been with adults. I am so excited to see everybody. Creed, Ryan. Oh my God, Stanley! Stanley's going to be there. Yes, oh my God! Jim: I did not see this coming. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Erin, I need you to fax this and get me a confirmation, pronto. [whispering] Are you going later? Erin: Sure, if you are. Andy: Yes. Erin: Talk to me that way again, and I'll cut your face off. Andy: Whoa. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: We recently struck up a romantic relationship. And, um... but we're kinda keeping it quiet for now 'cause it's still kind of a new thing. It's a little delicate, and we just don't want all the drama. Erin: Exactly. Andy: Yeah, cause when everyone knows- [knock on window, open blinds to Kevin giggling and making sexual gestures] That's actually pretty funny, but in general, you know. Erin: Quiet. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Hey, boss man. Michael: Yes? Andy: A bunch of us are going to get some drinks, you in? Michael: Ladies and gentleman, it is quitting time. Andy: I'm sorry, I meant later. Michael: Ok, yes. Sure. Andy: For happy hour? Michael: No, I got that. Andy: Trying to get a head count. Michael: I am in. Andy: All right, yes! It's a deal. Michael: It's a deal. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Oh, hey, I invited my friend Julie. Jim: Okay. Pam: I want her to meet Michael. Jim: Why? Pam: They're both single, I have a sense they might- Jim: You've been gone for a long time. Pam: It is not that. Kevin! Oh! Kevin: Yeah! [hugs Pam] Pam: Hey, how are you? Kevin: Oh, I missed you so much. Pam: Aw! Kevin: Yeah! Pam: Yeah! Kevin: Waaah! [starts to make crying baby noises] [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: When a new mom hears a baby cry, her you-know-what's fill up with you-know-what, and then her shirt gets, you know... that would be funny. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Oh, wow, I cannot believe this is happening. This is everything I dreamed. Oh, my God! [laughs] Jim: Easy. Michael: It's not a birthday, it's not a good-bye party... Jim: Oh, hey, Pam and I are gonna go play pool with one of her friends, and we need a fourth. Michael: Sucks to be you. Jim: Would you like to be our fourth? Michael: That would be sublime. Jim: All right. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: So, the guy shows me the deck he's built. And I'm like, 'I'll call this a deck if it'll make you happy, but this is just a porch without a roof.' [laughter, Oscar looks toward door] It was ridiculous man, it was like-you could maybe get two chairs on the thing. Two lawn chairs. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey, Michael. Michael: Yes. Pam: This is my friend Julie. Michael: Hello, how are you? Julie: Good. Hi. Michael: What is a nice girl like you hanging out with these bums for? [Julie laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Julie laughs at everything. [SCENE_BREAK] Julie: So you work with Pam and Jim? Michael: Oh, no, no. Pam and Jim work for me. And if they win, they are fired. Julie: [giggles] I should hope not. Michael: No. No, not really. Not really, but they better not win. Isabel: Hey. Pam: Hey, Isabel, you made it. Oh, my goodness. Isabel: Of course. Pam: You want to play pool? Isabel: Um, I'm gonna do a lap. See if I know anyone. Pam: Ok. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: And then they said the most ridiculous thing about Anderson Cooper, which I do not have the decency to repeat, but trust me when I tell you that- Dwight: Hold that thought. Well, well, well. If it isn't Isabel. Isabel: Mm-hmm. Dwight: What's a girl like you doing in a place like this? Isabel: A girl like me is why a guy like you comes to a place like this. Dwight: Ooh, I love repartee. Isabel: Do you? Dwight: Usually means there's a battle scene coming. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So, what do you do? Julie: I am an ESL teacher. Michael: Really? Julie: Yeah. Michael: See, I didn't think you could teach that. I thought that was something you were born with. What am I thinking right now? Julie: Are you thinking that I said 'ESP?' Michael: Yes. I feel like an idiot. Awesome. [SCENE_BREAK] Julie: I was a little nervous when Pam told me he was her boss, but he doesn't act like a boss at all. If I had a boss like that, we'd never get anything done. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: So what do you think? Michael: About what? Jim: About Julie? Michael: She's nice. Jim: Yeah. Michael: Yeah. Jim: So you like her? Michael: Uh, yeah, sure. Jim: So Pam was right? Michael: About what? Jim: About you two hitting it off. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [removing tie] Well, apparently, Michael Scott is on a date. And that, that my friend, changes everything. [puts on backwards golf cap] [SCENE_BREAK] Hide: My brother, good head, bad heart. Good head, bad heart. Oscar: I know. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey, Michael, where have you been? [Michael shoots pool ball up into their faces] Jim: Hey, you're supposed to hit the white ball first, buddy. Nice one. Can I talk to you for a sec? All right. Everything ok? Pam: Why are you wearing a hat now? Michael: Guys, come on, I'm on a date. Let me do my thang. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hi, I'm date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning? [tries to wink] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: You want to just make a run for it? Pam: Maybe. Kevin: Waaaah! [Kevin fake-cries into Pam's chest] Waaaaah! Mommy! Jim: What is happening? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Whoa! What is crackin? Ryan: Guys, one second. [on dance videogame] Kelly: We're focusing, we're focusing, we can't talk. Erin: What's this game? Ryan: One second. Andy: Yeah, how do you play? Ryan: Guys, guys, guys, please. [game ends] Ok, all right, it's all yours now. Kelly: Only three tickets. Ryan: If we save 'em up, we can get more than a sticker this time. Kelly: Stop telling me how to spend my tickets. Ryan: I know, but you wanted the big thing. Andy: Wow, can you imagine what people would say if they saw us dancing together? Erin: Oh I know. Andy: They'd be like, 'what's up with those two?' Erin: 'Hey, guys, get a bedroom already.' Andy: 'Did we miss the wedding?' Um, I got it-I'll do this, and you play the racing game, and then we'll switch. Erin: Yes, okay. Yeah, that's smart. Andy: No drama. Ok. [SCENE_BREAK] Isabel: Oh, air hockey, basketball, we could play that. Oh, whack-a-mole. Dwight: Any brothers or sisters? Isabel: Three brothers. Dwight: Really? Isabel: Two are in the Marines, one's a cop. Dwight: Vegetarian? Isabel: No. I love meat. Dwight: What's your blood type? Isabel: O-negative. Universal donor. Dwight: Universal donor. [startled by Angela, curses] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Angela versus Isabel. Height, advantage Isabel. Birthing hips, advantage Isabel. Remaining child-bearing years, advantage Isabel. Legal obligation, advantage Angela. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey, guys, guys, guys. [steals a cherry from waitress passing buy] Watch this. Ready? Julie: What are you doing? Michael: I'm tying a knot in the stem with my tongue. Jim: Michael, you don't have to do this. Michael: [choking] Wow. Oh, wow, that was close. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: Hey, you two having fun? Andy: Did you tell them? Erin: No. Andy: This is exactly what I don't want, the drama. I don't want the drama! Erin: I get it. [SCENE_BREAK] Isabel: [Isabel and Dwight playing whack-a-mole] You are amazing at this. How did you get so good? Dwight: Whacking moles. Hit 'em on the head. Whack. Say it with me. Isabel: Whack! Dwight: Extend the fingers more. Isabel: Whack! Dwight: Good. Angela: This looks like a hoot. Dwight: Hey, monkey, how you doing? Angela: Whack. Dwight: Listen, can I talk to you for a second? Angela: Okay. Dwight: Look, I've been thinking. We had a good run. We really did. But you don't need to worry about this whole contract thing anymore. Angela: It's no worry. Dwight: It's just that we both-we want different things. You know, I want a big family. Angela: I could see enjoying that. Dwight: No, no, no, no. I want a big family. Tall. Thick. A big, physically big family. Listen, you go have fun. You're off the hook. Angela: But we signed the contract. Dwight: Dissolved. Don't worry, you're free. Okay? Okay. See you later. Angela: We both-you didn't dup- [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Michael playing air guitar on pool table] Wow. Maybe we should tell her that he's not normally like this. Pam: Maybe it should come from a man. Jim: Maybe it should come from a note... with flowers...tomorrow. Bar Manager: Hello. Michael: Hello. Bar Manager: Hi. Michael: Hi. Bar Manager: You wanna pay 400 bucks to re-felt this table? Michael: Yeah, why don't you send the bill to 23 I Don't Care Lane, Scranton, Pennsylvania? Pam: Hey, Michael, why don't you just get down. Michael: Hey, she can tell I'm on a date, right? Right? I'm just having fun. Bar Manager: Ted, are we having fun? Michael: Really? You told on me. That's lame. Bouncer: We got a problem? Michael: Yes. Homelessness. What? Bar Manager: All right, go. Michael: Where? Bar Manager: Get out. Now. Michael: Okay, all right. Okay, whoa. I'm just kidding around. I'm sorry. Pam: Ok, um, why don't we just finish the game? Michael, it's your shot. Michael: She can't talk to us that way. Pam: You guys are stripes, I think... Michael: You let somebody talk to you like that, where does it stop? Jim: It stopped. Michael: Well, I am starting it again! Pam: Do you guys want some food? The wings are really good here. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey, you embarrassed my friends in front of me and I'm gonna need you to go back over to the table and apologize. Bar Manager: Then I am sorry that I didn't kick you out. Michael: I am here with my employees. I am here on a date. Hello. Bar Manager: Well, uh, I'm the manager here, sir. Michael: Well, it just so happens that I am a manager too. And the way I manage people is that I touch their hearts and souls with humor, with love and maybe a dash of razzle-dazzle. And I don't see that from you. Bar Manager: Is that how you do it? Michael: Yes it is. I am writing a book about it. Bar Manager: Really? How much have you written? Michael: I've written all of it... in my head. Bar Manager: Oh. Michael: If you're really interested, it's called 'Somehow I Manage' and there's going to be a picture of me on the cover, shrugging, with my sleeves rolled up. Bar Manager: Huh. Have you read Lee Iacocca's? It's a classic. Michael: Read it? I own it. But no, I have not read it. Bar Manager: Dude, tonight! You're not going to want to put it down. It's gonna make you want to go out and buy a Chrysler tomorrow. Michael: I own a Chrysler. Bar Manager: Shut up. Michael: No, you shut up. Bar Manager: What's your drink? Michael: Grenadine. Bar Manager: What? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: We just have to throw everyone off the scent a little, so follow my lead. Erin: Okay. Andy: [Andy sits at table with another woman] Hi. Girl at table: Hi. Andy: I don't normally do this, but... Girl at table: Do what? Andy: Just sit down next to a beautiful woman and start talking to myself to confuse other people. Erin: [Erin sits with man, rubs her hand on his thigh] Hey, big boy. Do you like it when I do that? Andy: [Andy spits out his drink] What are you doing? Erin: What we said to do. Andy: We didn't say we were gonna, like, start groping strangers! Erin: I was flirting with a man. Andy: Get in here. [Andy and Erin go into photo booth] Where did you learn to talk like that? Erin: The movies. I don't know. Andy: Well, what movie? Black Snake Moan? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I manage a paper company-Dunder Mifflin/Sabre. Bar Manager: You have a card? Michael: I did. I actually put it in your bowl. Bar Manager: Stanley Hudson? Michael: No, no. Bar Manager: Whoa, a lot of Stanley Hudson's in here. Michael: No, it's Michael Scott. Bar Manager: Michael Scott? Michael: He is I. Bar Manager: You just won yourself a lunch. Michael: Oh, hey guys. [thumbs up] [SCENE_BREAK] Julie: I think I'm gonna go. Pam: Really? Julie: Yeah. Pam: I'm sorry, he's not usually like that. Julie: What's he usually like? Pam: He's more, just... like... you can go. Julie: Yeah. Jim: All right. Pam: Okay. Bye. Jim: See ya. Nice girl. Pam: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey, Julie! You having fun? [Julie leaves] Bar Manager: So... when are you coming in for that free lunch? You're gonna want to come in on a day that I'm working. Uh, maybe I can hear more about that book, too. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Hey, man, you put together a pretty fun night for everybody. I saw you talking to Hide. Did you hear that dude's life story? It's amazing, right? Oscar: I couldn't understand a word he said. Darryl: Let me tell you something, Oscar. All right, Matt's an okay dude, but he's a dummy. You guys got nothing in common. Oscar: Maybe you're right. I should count myself lucky. Matt: Hey, what's up? Oscar: There he is! Hey, hey, hey. Matt: Anyone up for some hoops? Oscar: Sure. Hoops! Matt: Let's do it. Oscar: Hoop it up, right. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: This is not what I want my relationship to look like. [holding photo strip of he and Erin fighting] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [over PA] Hi, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Andrew Bernard, and I've been on two dates with Erin Hannon and they went well, and there will probably be more. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: You know, it got to the point where keeping it a secret was just too much drama. And I hate drama, so there you go. Erin: [laughs] You love drama. Andy: I know, I do, right? I'm a total drama queen. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: With this move, he can't get you. Isabel: Well, I think that he could counter that move. The Scranton strangler is a professional strangler. Dwight: Oh, please. I wish he'd come after me. I would be like-aaah! Angela: Dwight Schrute! Dwight Kurt Schrute. Dwight: Sh-what? Angela: You are hereby served with a summons to appear in Lackawanna county court. Dwight: No, no, no. [trying to talk over her] Blah blah blah blah! Angela: For breach of contract with Angela Noelle Martin. Isabel: What are you talking about? Dwight: What are you- Angela: Dwight recently entered into a contract with me, establishing intent to conceive and raise a child with me. Dwight: Angela... Angela: Did he not tell you that? Dwight: You're really putting me in an awkward position here. Angela: Do you plan on raising a child with me? Or do you plan on breaking this contract? Dwight: Angela, not here! Angela: Dwight? Isabel: Whack! [Isabel smacks Angela on forehead] Angela: You'll see me in small claims court! Dwight: You are an impressive specimen. Isabel: Thank you. [Dwight and Isabel kiss] [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: [crying] Then, I spilled my drink, and they wouldn't give me a refill. Pam: Oh-oh, gosh. Oh. Jim: You all right? Pam: Okay, we have to get home. Kevin: Yeah! Michael: Halperts, wait up. Oh, what a great night. Got to hang out with my peeps. Sort of did okay with a new young lady. Jim: Actually, you didn't. Pam: Not at all. Michael: I think I did. But I can't take all of the credit. Some of the credit is due, in fact, to my good friend, Date Mike. Nice to meet me. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Tell 'em your story, Hide. Hide: In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But, mistake! Yakuza boss die. Yakuza very mad. I hide in fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car, and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret: [/b] I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!

Oscar arranges a happy hour with the warehouse staff so he can flirt with Matt. Pam is excited to see the staff and brings a date for Michael, but he ends up connecting with the bar manager, Donna ( Amy Pietz ), instead. Meanwhile, Andy and Erin announce their relationship. Dwight meets Isabel and drops Angela to hang out with Isabel, making Angela jealous. When Dwight tells Angela to forget about the pre-natal contract, she confronts him in front of Isabel.