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SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I [20F] came off extremely needy/clingy/insecure to a [26M] and I'm wondering if there's anyway to come back from that?
POST: So I'm a 20 year old girl. There's this guy I'm kind of friends with and we've hooked up a few times. I sort of blew up his phone yesterday and then started apologizing profusely about it because I know how fucking crazy that is to do. Like I'm extremely ashamed that I acted that way and did what I did. Today he said "leave me alone".
I guess my question is, is there anyway at all to come back from this? I'm not looking for a relationship from the guy but he was alright enough to chill with and the sex was really good, so just a fwb situation.
If anyone needs more details to answer the question I can provide them just didn't want to make a wall of text lol.
TL;DR: | blew up a guys phone, he told me to "leave him alone", is there any way to salvage this if I'm just looking for a fwb/cuddle buddy situation. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [24] wife shunned after only a week into marriage
POST: We're both 24 years old and though we've been together for 7 years we only got married a week ago. My husband is a great person, don't get me wrong. He's loyal, caring, smart and also extremely sexual.
I've always had body issues. It didn't really help that I am taller than him, it always made me feel gross for some reason. Anyways, before the wedding, I kind of snapped and became bulimic. (I tried dieting and exercising, but it wasn't giving me the proper results I was looking for.) being bulimic made me feel strong and sexy. It made me feel like I was in control. Though I didn't tell anyone about it, the confidence must've been showing because up came the compliments and also the sex. However a few days after the wedding my husband found out it and he became really upset and started looking at me as if I was undesirable. Even now he'll still be with me, talk and say the right things but he won't touch me. Especially for a guy with a huge sex drive for him to not initiate or say anything for several days is odd. Any advice reddit?
TL;DR: | Relationship of 7 years, just got married and husband found out I'm bulimic and has not touched me since. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [18 M] don't know how to avoid with a controlling man [30's M] who want's to be friends.
POST: Yeah, reaaaal creepy. I think he may be gay, I dunno. He's not put a move on me or anything, but still.
This guy's not respecting my space, everytime we meet and talk he always has some complicated load to dump on me. I hate it! I just feel his negative selfish energy sapping my own away. I never leave him happy, EVER! It's a classic therapist/patient relationship. The guy just needs to shut his mouth.
So, I tried cutting ties with him, but this guy is a bit cuckoo and doesn't have any other friends/family to go to. So, he is clinging like a mofo. I told him explicitly that I want to be alone for a week or two and he totally blew me off saying I'm selfish and not a good friend. I swear he's a bit of a narcissist or a controlling personallity or both.
The worst part though, is since we are both religious, he pulled the "what would Jesus do" card. Quoting scriptures saying basically to love everyone. And how I was sinning by not being his friend. I know creepy.
I do want to be a disciple of Jesus Christ, but I think it's time I be firm and MEAN if my spirituality is being drained by him. Kind of respect myself before I respect others, you know? (I prayed about it and God said something along the lines of "get out of there!" so I'm pretty sure he's ok with it.)
I cut off most ties with him, including facebook and blocking his phone number, but now he stalks me around campus to try to make an attempt to make amends. The problem is, I know I'll still be unhappy if I do fall back into his hands
What do you guys think?
TL;DR: | This guy is manipulative, controlling, and selfish. How do I basically say "get the hell out of my life!" him in a loving, christ-like way (If Possible?) |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Any good "I got fired from my job for (this)" stories?
POST: I was working for a well-known Karate/MMA organization in the Northeast. The boss' daughter was visiting the office and I thought she was fine. I started talking to her for a while, just innocent flirting, but nothing too nasty. My supervisor was out of the office and it was a Friday so there was nothing better for me to do.
After we were done talking, I wrote on Twitter something along the lines of "Met the boss' daughter. Absolutely gorgeous. Nothing like her father, as in, she actually likes me."
Two hours later, my supervisor calls me and tells me, noticeably disappointed in me, that the IT guy, Doug, had been stalking me on Twitter for weeks and once he saw that comment, he told the boss, who wanted me gone.
I corrected the IT guy once on a website issue in front of a few people and I guess he had it out for me ever since.
TL;DR: | Hit on boss' daughter. Talked about her on Twitter. Dickhead IT guy sees it and tells boss. Semishock fired. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Struggle to connect with either parents and i have absolutely no respect for my mum
POST: I'm a 20 year old dude. My parents had a messy divorce when i was 9 and it spilled over many years: social services, court orders and everything were involved, both parents used myself and my younger brother as weapons against the other, telling us that the other was something horrible to try and get us to stay with them or stop contact with the other.
My mum would always insist that it was my dad fault i had self-esteem issues yet it was complete bullshit.
After the divorce, my dad found a new job, bought a new house, found new hobbies, made new friends, found his new wife (who's lovely), had two children with her and generally got on with his life.
My mum on the other hand: dragged me and my brother with her, rented a shit house, kept her alcoholic abusive boyfriend who she left my dad for and had another child with her boyfriend (he left soon after).
She now just wallows in self pity, she has no friends or a partner, no interests or hobbies and is overweight, she sits and complains about all of those problems and never tries to fix them yet she has the nerve to criticize me on how i'm living my life (i'm 20 and at university, my life is going fine in my eyes).
I have absolutely no respect for her and am starting to despise her because of it.
I just don't know what to do, i can't help her as she's unwilling to even help herself and i am fucking fed up of the constant complaints.
I'm considering cutting contact completely from her.
Could i get some advice?
TL;DR: | Parents divorced, dad picked himself up and leads a good life, mum fucked up big time and complains about life but never fixes hers, criticizes my life instead. Want to cut contact with her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [24f] resent myself and him [28m] for things I've put up with. Two year relationship. Is this normal?
POST: Hi. I'm going to keep this short and sweet and not get too into what he did, or I did, since he occasionally reads this sub.
He has done a lot of things that I never would have expected myself to put up with in the early stages of our relationship. There were many lies and suspiciously late nights out that I decided, ultimately, I could move on from. I know now this was stupid.
For the longest time I thought I was resenting him. I probably am. However, I'm starting to realize that I'm resenting myself more than anything. I feel ashamed of myself for putting up with that treatment. I feel embarrassed that my younger self would have scoffed if you had told her she'd "forgive" these things. Sometimes I regret not leaving him when I had a good reason to. I think I am actively starting to hate myself and think I am falling into a depression.
The complicated (for me, probably not for you all) part is that our relationship is really great now. He has done a total 180 from how he used to be. He knew I was close to leaving him and he actively changed, no ultimatum, nothing. I am very happy with him as we are, and would have no complaints if I could just leave the past in the past. But I can't. I also feel like I'm being unfair to him now, harboring this anger and sadness.
TL;DR: | Is it normal to hate myself for forgiving a "deal breaker?" Is the relationship salvageable if I hold so much resentment? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (23f) friend (24f) has issues with controlling men and emotionally abusing men, doesn't see it. Her behaviour with her new boyfriend is atrocious, not sure what to do?
POST: I started distancing myself from this person a year ago.
She has been on and off for a year now with a long distance partner, who is relatively youtube successful. He is her go to for when she doesn't have a physical relationship. She often cheats on him with people she ends up dating (4 times in a year now), which is a shame, because he is an amazing giving person, and treated her like a princess - even flying her out to see him...
She plays emotional games with men, guilt tripping them in to being more loving (often expects them to show their affection with material objects etc)
For example
Often she'll be posting about having to love yourself, quotes about being appreciated etc - but really - she is the one who needs to learn to appreciate her partners. She posts all over faebook about how shitty her life is and how shitty her partners are, constantly belittling her current partner and threatening break ups. Her latest stunt was to post on twitter like she is single (constantly referring to herself as a single Pringle) and posting on Facebook about going out on her own and looking to the future with 'no more tears', telling her partners friends to just delete her because she can't be bothered to go through and delete them herself (hiding the status from him)
Today she changed her display picture to her and her partner, but continues to talk about him and bitch him out on social media, complaining she wants a gamer boyfriend (even though she had one and screwed him over) and posting about how she isn't appreciated and having to rely on herself (more quote pictures worthy of the finest instagram filter)
I spoke to her yesterday and told her that she needs to speak to someone about her issues, she went off on me telling me was the victim, that men target her etc.
How do I help her see that she is abusing people emotionally and damaging some amazing guys and of she continues to behave this way - she'll end up miserable and alone?
TL;DR: | my friend plays mind games with her partners. Leaves the men emotionally damaged. Try to talk to her about it. She lost her mind over it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: How far does attorney-client privilege extend (WA)?
POST: In my work environment, we routinely rely on attorney-client privileged discussion to protect unfinished decision-making, because the legal issues often occur in the public space (government), subject to public record requests. We generally invoke it with our lawyers to ensure that legal strategies cannot be publicized before their implementation. The same protections exist for unfinished non-legal strategies.
I have a hypothetical scenario that I'd like answered: if I have an attorney-client privileged communication with a lawyer (the agency is the client here, and I am staff in that agency), can I relay this information to other staff in the client agency, invoking the same privilege, even though the communication is no longer between me and the lawyer?
More specifically, I want to share attorney-client privileged legal strategy to non-legal staff via email, but am not sure that I can invoke that protection, as a non-lawyer.
In all honesty, all of this could be alleviated if I had a simple telephone conversation, and I could ask one of our lawyers about this. However, the holidays are screwing this up, and I want to be sure the message reaches the staffer in a timely fashion (email), and can't get the staffer or lawyers on the phone until it's too late.
TL;DR: | can communications remain attorney-client privileged if non-lawyers (but 'members' of the client) are relaying protected legal strategies to each other? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19M] want to reconnect with an old date[19F]
POST: I dated this girl back in January once and we really hit it off. I did something stupid back then,panicked and nervous I alluded to us starting a relationship after the first date. This put her off (obviously) and we haven't had communication since then. I've since grown as a person and I can certainly say I'm a way more mature person than I ever was back then.
Any who I saw her account on that "People you may Know" tab on FB and it sort of makes me interested in reconnecting. Trouble is I just don't really know what I'd say. I already apologized for my mistake back when I did in January but of course it didn't help. I really do think that the two of us are compatible in some way and I know it can't be bias because the last time I even thought about her was months ago.
I guess what I'm asking is, what should I say to make her at least consider going out for coffee sometime?
TL;DR: | Had date with girl months ago, would like to reconnect and possibly go on another but don't know how to start. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Need ideas to make sure my boyfriend [33M] feels loved during a sexless period in our relationship
POST: My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years and have a great dynamic. We started off as a casual hookup, but developed from there into a serious relationship. We're best friends, laugh a lot and are very respectful of one another.
Sex has always been an important part of our relationship- its how we first became attracted to one another. My boyfriend has always had a higher sex drive than me, but we've balanced it by incorporating a lot of mental sexual play to make up for when I'm not physically up for it. He's super understanding of when I'm not in the mood and has always been accommodating.
Physical intimacy is super important to him to feel appreciated and loved. I'm sure this is true for a lot of people, but I would say for my boyfriend this seems to be particularly accurate. Generally when we have issues it's when we go to our respective homes for the holidays and end up not being intimate for a few weeks because of overlapping schedules. Because I know it's important to him, I try to keep our frequency up as much as possible.
I have always had girl problems that have affected my self drive, but lately they've gotten pretty debilitating. Sometimes it's just pain after sex or certain positions I can't do, but in the last two months or so it's been pretty much all penetration. I've seen a doctor about this and am trying different things, but it's inevitably affecting our sex life. My boyfriend is very much a pleaser and it's difficult for him to enjoy himself when he knows I am uncomfortable. Because of that he's also less satisfied with oral, though I've been doing that a lot lately.
His birthday was two days ago we weren't able to have birthday sex. He's really understanding but I know it's getting to him, and I can how the lack of recent intimacy is starting to affect other aspects of our relationship.
Does anyone have recommendations for how I can make sure my boyfriend feels connected and loved while I'm unable to have sex? I don't know how long this will last but I want to try to prevent it affecting our relationship too negatively.
TL;DR: | can't have sex because of ongoing girl problems, looking for ways to make sure my boyfriend still feels valued and connected to me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [20F] need to break up with my boyfriend [23M] of 5 months, but I'm very inexperienced with this and I don't want to hurt him. I already tried to end it but it didn't work.
POST: I have been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for about 5 months, and he's madly in love with me. The thing is, he wants to be with me forever and get married, etc. but I think I'm too immature to handle a relationship with him right now, and I don't see myself staying with him for the rest of my life. I want to end it now, because the longer I wait, the harder it will be to break up.
However, I am a very weak person. I really don't want to hurt him, and I've tried to break the news to him gently, but I've never been able to do it because I know it will hurt him a lot. He says I'm the first person who has ever really made him feel loved. We've been through a lot together (such as tough times with family problems), and we lost our virginity to each other.
I've always heard it's best to break up with someone face-to-face and give them reasons why, not just leave them hanging, so that's what I tried to do. I almost broke up with him, but I started crying while telling him I wanted to break up. He started crying too, and he told me, "you're upset and obviously stressed out, don't say anything you might not mean." I ended up not being able to end it, but I feel horrible now because he thinks everything's okay, and I don't know what to do.
I don't think I'm strong enough to be able to break up with him face-to-face, because I do still love him, but I know I need to get out of this. If I try to break up with him, he'll just do the same thing again that he did this time, saying that he needs me, he never thought he'd find someone like me, etc. I just don't know what to do or how to go about breaking up with him.
TL;DR: | I can't break up with my boyfriend face-to-face because he will be very upset and try to convince me not to, how do I do this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I[22F] think my boyfriend[24M] should break up with me because I am a bad partner.
POST: We have been dating for 2 years. We don't ever have crazy fights but lately we haven't been getting along 100%.
When we first started dating, I was super care-free, super trusting, fun, not naggy, all that good stuff that people want in a SO. Over time, I've caught myself becoming the exact opposite. I think it's because I didn't expect anything before-- being happily single for 4 years and not looking for a relationship. Now, I'm sometimes insecure, selfish, and demand much much more attention from him(I'm very surprised by this because I consider myself very independent and introverted, and have never really desired attention from anyone). I don't like the person I have become, and I don't know why I am currently this person.
Anyways, the big issue is that these newly developed characteristics make me a bad girlfriend. I am resentful, hold grudges, make big deals out of things that shouldn't be even small deals, etc. I alwaaaaays realize my mistake after, and apologize, but I don't think that's healthy. And he just deals with it and says it's okay, and in a few days we're back to normal. Until it happens again.
At this point, I feel like I have made so many mistakes, and disappointed him so many times that we both should just start over. For example, today I was upset because he wasn't giving me enough attention(even though I know that he's busy with work stuff). He messaged me in the middle of the day saying that something bad happened to his friend, and he wasn't sure if she was going to be okay. I tried talking to him but he was busy. So by the evening, I was mad again that we didn't talk at all. When he called me, I should have consoled him, but I selfishly made it about me and was too irritated at him to even have a conversation. I guess I feel guilty and want a clean slate.
I don't know if anyone has read Gone Girl, but I feel like I relate to Amy in that she has a huge problem with people finding out she's not perfect.
TL;DR: | How do I stop feeling like I am not good enough for my boyfriend, and instead focus on being the best girlfriend I can be? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How can I be more tender and affectionate to a friend I have feelings for?
POST: This girl (19) and I (M 19) have been good friends for about three years now. During that time, I have tried to make it clear that I have feelings but I had anxiety around her when I wanted to try flirting. I wouldn't talk to her or interact with her much and I understand that she can't read my mind, so I never seemed interested in the first place. There has been a past of me making abrupt moves on her that all ended in with her avoiding me and telling me she doesn't want the friendship to deteriorate because of the tension.
Now her and I are better friends (don't worry, I have not been suffering. The friendship alone makes me very happy). I am more confident around her but I still strongly show my reserved attitude. It has been a while since anything about my feelings for her have come up so now I am not sure how to approach it. We engage in the usual friendly banter, but I think I come off as too physically aggressive and verbally insincere for her to consider my feelings.
She knows I may still have feelings and our friendship is the best it has ever been right now, but I want to see if I can advance that and possibly have one of my best friends as a girlfriend. She is not currently looking for a boyfriend, but I want to make an attempt to prepare for the future because I think this girl is would be worth it.
I want to know some ways (both physical and verbal) I can practice being more loving and assertive without being too obviously flirty.
TL;DR: | Friend may know I still have feelings for her after three years, we are very good friends. I am reserved and don't know how to flirt. How can I physically and verbally subtly flirt without making things awkward? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [29 M] going on my second date [28 F] and I have a pretty big bomb I'm not sure how to drop
POST: So I just started dating near the end of last summer because I'm a loser. It was rough going at first but recently I've been finding more confidence and having some minor successes here and there.
Something that I haven't been able to figure out is when to bring up my living situation. The situation is this: my father was diagnosed with advanced dementia. The doctors recommended that he not live alone so I immediately moved in with him. I am going to continue to live with him until the point that he needs full-time care, which I will not be able to provide on my own. As you can imagine, this makes dating kind of awkward.
The most recent date I went on was awesome. She's cute, smart, and her level of sarcasm is equal to or maybe even greater than mine so I think she's hilarious. We have another date planned already and I don't know how to drop the bomb. If things go well again I will want to invite her back to my house, but how do I bring up the dad thing? I'm torn. On the one hand it doesn't define who I am as a person or my outlook on life so I don't want to mention it. On the other hand I do want to say something because I don't want there to be any awkward surprises.
And if I do mention it do I say why? I don't want her to have to wonder why I'm 29 and still live with my dad, but saying that at no point in the immediate future will I be able to live on my own is a pretty major bomb to drop on someone.
TL;DR: | I don't know how to bring up that I live with my father and will continue to live with him for the next several years. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: The long distance struggle, only much worse.
POST: Well hey.
I hope i can confide in you LDR veterans and get some help or opinions from everybody else that's willing to lend an ear.
So, obviously I'm in a long distance relationship, I live in Scotland and she is 6000km away in Indiana, USA. I'm 18 and my wonderful girlfriend is 17 we met over the internet and really, really "hit it off" we've known eachother for little over a year and STILL haven't met eachother yet.
Here's where it gets hard.
I'm joining the Royal Marine Commandos and since I've passed all of my interviews, fitness tests and psychometric tests im soon to be going into recruit training. For those that aren't aware, Commando training is the longest recruit training in the world... 8 months.
In that time i will have Saturdays and a small amount of time on Sundays off but aside from that it's unlikely that we will get to talk at all.
I will get Christmas off though which we agreed to organise me flying out and us meeting for the first time. I think this is one thing which is giving us hope at this point. We do Love eachother immensely and we are not the kind of people to easily give up.
One thing I've tried discussing is regularly talking on Skype but she always get to nervous and doesn't feel ready to do that because she is fairly insecure about her appearance (for honestly no reason, she is gorgeous) We do talk on the phone, i just think that Skype would be a great tool to really reinforce our bond.
She's and incredibly hard working, intelligent girl and i know she wont give up, i just want to make this easier on both of us.
I guess this is a fairly open topic and I'm just looking to get some opinions and see if anybody can help us out with ideas on how to get through this and stay strong or make it easier and also how i can help get my girlfriend to be used to the idea of Skyping.
TL;DR: | My long distance girlfriend who i have not yet met and i are faced with my 8 month long Royal Marine training and I'm afraid we will struggle. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Should I (26yo Male) stop seeing my backpacker tinder date (28yo F) of 3 months that I am getting too attached to?
POST: Briefly start of the story was a big relationship (a little over 2 years, 8 months long distance). I moved over seas for a job and since we loved each other so much we couldn't break up. I started having feelings twords another girl here at work after 6 months and thought it's only fair that I break up. Anyway, the girl I had feelings for didn't felt the same way and nothing happened. So i put myself out there in tinder.
My (26 years ol Male) first date ever on tinder turned out to be a really nice person (28 years old Female) and we have been together since the first date. We have been dating pretty often, she stayed over a lot and we even went traveling to a road trip twice for 3 days. She is meant to leave the country for traveling for a year after another 3 months. And I didn't feel anything special in the beginning but it was a casual date. Just today when she said she wasn't into me as much as she was in the begining and that hurt me really bad. I thought i was thinking this to be casual and I really didn't care much. I wasn't anticipating this much of feelings. I miss her very much.
Now my question is should I stop seeing her altogether to avoid hurting more, or should i make an transation where we see each other less often and she can see other people?
TL;DR: | Meet a girl on tinder, hit it off. She is leaving in 3 months and not that much into me anymore. Should i keep seeing her or dump her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I[17M] have been hanging out with [16F] for a few months now, but we aren't in a relationship, and I have no clue where this is going.
POST: I'm using a throwaway account due to the fact that many of my friends know my Reddit account.
I have been going to a Boarding School since April or so, and it's definitely a big change from my past life. Everything is much more... calm. No public school drama. It's nice.
A few months ago, a girl [F16] came here from a similar situation I was in. Each of us weren't doing too well back home and needed a change. At the time, I was still stressed out from having to throw away my entire past life and start over. This included my Ex, [F17] who I haven't talked to since I left. I promised myself that I wouldn't keep myself in the past. The new girl, who by the way is the one in the title, has really helped me through the entire process and vice versa.
We've become best friends, and I spend more time with her besides my roommate.
We make plans every weekend to do things, like going out to a movie or going to a baseball game. It's never a date, we just go as friends.
It's all good and well, but we always get asked if we're dating by other kids. *As I'm typing this, I've gotten a text from a friend ASKING ABOUT THIS EXACT TOPIC* It's not that I've had enough, but its getting on my nerves.
The thing is... I wouldn't mind getting into a relationship with her. She's good looking and we're pretty comfortable with each other. But I'm trying to drill it into my head that we're just friends. We've talked about going to each other's weddings, and visiting each other in college.
Where do I take this? What do I do? I'm not madly in love, but I do see this as a good long term relationship opportunity.
TL;DR: | Me and a girl are recent boarders at a private school and we've been hitting it off as friends. I don't want to make any moves, but I can't help but think. Where do I take this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (26f) found incriminating texts on my bf (30m) phone. What to do?
POST: Hi,
I am a grad student and my bf is an engineering undergrad(he worked in his twenties to support his family before going to school).
I have been with my bf for 2 years on and off. We had a tumultous relationship in the beginning. I was jealous, clingy and a little crazy and would make him angry. I would push him for marriage and greater commitment and that would lead to fights. We broke up for 5 months from Sept 2012 to dec 2012 because he wasn't sure if we were going to get married after he graduates. I dated someone else for some time in that time but I still loved him.
Anyways in Jan 2013 we got back together, I cleaned up my act, got a life of my own, eliminating the crazy and things have been great the past 7 months.
I borrowed his phone to make a phone call yesterday and the screen was his message to his friend.
Adrian(my bf) : hey man, I am sorry I have not been able to hang out that much. I have no money
mike: no worries man. Its all good. As long as you are happy with your life
Adrian: I miss our dynamic when Dan(another friend) was here. If I would have known,I wouldnt have committed to Lisa(me).
Mike:Be happy with your life and be happy with Lisa
Well he graduated college in may. He doesnt have a job yet and is somewhat depressed about it but our relationship was been great. He is very sweet to me and is a good bf. He says he loves me and I am the one. When he gets drunk he jokes about asking my dad for my hand in marriage, putting a ring on it and so on.
So, I was very surprised and hurt when I saw his message to his friend. I didn't say anything to him then. But I am wondering if I should break up with him or not?
TL;DR: | Bf tells guy friends that he misses their time together and if he would have known he wouldn't have committed to me. What to do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [28 F] with my BF [30 M] of 1 year, I'm jealous of my BF's and his best (girl) friend's relationship. Considering the circumstance this make me a terrible person.
POST: I feel terrible about this because I know I shouldn't feel this way. A little background: He and his best friend, call her M, have known eachother since they were 12. They're super close. I love her; she's amazing. She doesn't compete with me in any way and is super supportive of me and my BF's relationship. We all knew eachother in highschool and since I've started dating my BF we've all become closer.
Recently, her brother (also my BF's close friend) died in a car crash. We're all devastated but my BF and M more than anyone. Since her brother died my BF has been staying at her family's house with her helping them through it and taking care of things. I've barely spoken to him.
I know this is completely irrational: I feel a twinge of jealously because I feel like my BF and I will never be as close as he is with M. I want to be there for him during what he's said is the hardest thing he's ever been through but he seems to be pushing me away. I know this is because of the situation. No one knows what he's going through better than M and vise versa...I just can't help but feel like I wish I were the one that could comfort him.
I'm not sure there is any advice to give here..other than, how can I stop being such a selfish person and crappy girlfriend? I feel awful about this..
TL;DR: | I'm jealous of the bond between my BF and his (girl) best friend, especially because I can't comfort him now while he's grieving for his close friend and her brother. I'm a terrible person. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [23M] in a loving, two-year relationship with my [23F]. I may have accidentally asked another girl out.
POST: So I've been with Girl A for a couple of years now. There have been ups and downs like any couple, but we work. Despite the problems we're working on, they're secondary, and don't invalidate our relationship.
HOWEVER I think I may have accidentally asked another girl out. I really like this second girl, who I only met once, briefly, two years ago. An intoxicated message on Facebook in the early hours led to us agreeing to meet up for a drink. I want to do this. I want this second girl to be in my life as a friend. She's both cool and intelligent, and different enough to my usual friends that it's refreshing. As we always hang out as a group, or just me and my girlfriend, I want to have a friend who's just mine.
I don't know if she thinks this is a date. Maybe it's pretty cocky to assume that she'd accept a drunken 4 AM Facebook date invitation ffrom me. Still, I want to hang out with her, but be sure that there are no misunderstandings. I could use some advice for finding out whether she's interested as a friend or just 'interested'. Since I want to befriend her, I don't want to be a boring tool and play hard to get, or play any silly mind games. At the same time, I feel like directly asking her if she thought this was a date could go wrong. For one thing, it'd be a slap in the face if she did, and for another, I'd look like an egotistical prat if she didn't.
My current plan is to meet her, hang out as normal and be my normal self, maybe casually drop references to my girlfriend, and then later invite her out with a bunch of my other friends, so it's a less intimate atmosphere.
TL;DR: | In a relationship and invited another girl to hang out. I want to befriend her, but what's a good way to find out she didn't think it's a date without being either cruel or a prat? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I (m/20) can't get her out of my mind... (f/20) any advice?
POST: Last summer, I met this girl through my best friend while just playing some league. I didn't think much of it, she felt like one of the guys. Before I knew it though, we were talking on skype for hours on end, found out we had so much in common (baseball, guitar, games, etc.) and I slowly fell in love with her without realizing it. We both knew we liked each other, but couldn't act on it because I was halfway across the country for school. We set up a weekend to meet over the winter break, she even invited me to visit her family. I was stoked. I get to her place, and the first day is amazing. Then, she wakes up the next day, looks at me with this strange expression and simply says, "You're not right for me", and gets up and simply walks out of the room. It's been about two weeks and I still can't even find the pieces to my heart. I know I can't get her back, I just don't know how to get over that fact. Any advice reddit?
TL;DR: | Relationship develops over a distance, we meet, first night's great, then out of the blue tells me we're through. Help? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, help! My license got unjustly suspended, what can I do?
POST: This is long, but I desperately need help reddit. For reference I live in Indiana.
Over the summer I received a speeding ticket and a moving violation for going the wrong way on a one way. The speeding ticket I paid, because I was in fact speeding, but the other violation I have been fighting because it was complete bullshit (it's a long story). So back in July after I had gotten these tickets I receive a letter from the BMV telling me that I need to take an online safety class that costs $55 dollars or my license will be suspended on October 15th. I call the BMV and tell them that I am fighting one of the tickets and they say not to worry about it, it only goes against me if I am found guilty. So I continue. Fastforward to yesterday. I finally have my court date, which I lose, and I come home to a letter from the BMV saying my license is suspended. I freak out. I call the BMV and the guy says if I take the online course that night it will be processed and my license will be reinstated by today. So I call this morning and I am told that I have to wait 7-10 business days for them to process the certificate and that there is nothing I can do about it. I should not have had my license suspended, because I was literally just proven guilty of the second violation yesterday morning and the rule is if you receive 2 point-able violations in 12 months you have to take this course. Please help me reddit, who can I call? What can I do?
TL;DR: | got my license suspended unjustly. BMV says it will take 7-10 days to process my reinstatement, I absolutely need to drive, what can I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: [IN] Ex-girlfriend left various items at my apartment, mom won't reply to texts to retrieve them, want to donate them to Goodwill
POST: Indiana.
Simple question. The items that the ex left were fairly small, nothing too fancy - just some plushies, some misc clothing and a necklace that supposedly means so much to her family but ex's mom won't reply to my texts about getting the items back. The box is sitting in my car right now and I want it out.
If I surrender the items to Goodwill (let's also say I don't use my Goodwill card to maintain anonymity) then am I under any potential legal consequence? Or should I just make the hour round trip to return the box of items that her mom refuses to communicate with me about?
TL;DR: | ex girlfriend left crap at my house and mom won't communicate with me about returning it and want to just donate to Goodwill. Some little kid will enjoy a cheap pillow pet. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [17 M] with my ex [18 F] of 2 months, broke up with me on false pretenses and got a new boyfriend
POST: So we have been dating for 2 months, and I've never had stronger feelings for a girl than I had for her, and according to what her mom told mine, this girl never had stronger feelings for a guy before. We were in a long distance relationship, but ssw each other for around 3-4 days every 2-3 weeks. A week and a day ago, she ended the relationship because she was working far too much (supposedly 8 am to 10 pm every day) in hopes to make the rest of the money she needed for college, and she has trust issues (which I knew about) and that not being able to talk to me made her worried about what I was doing all of the time and it was affecting her stress. She said she still loved me, and wanted to start our relationship up again when I got to Alabama (Early August). I was immediately worried (and rightfully so) so I started pestering her about other guys. To which she responded that "If I don't have time for the person I love, how will I have time for other guys". I spent the next week texting her good morning and goodnight, as well as updating her on my life. She responded once, and we had a pretty boring conversation because she didn't seem interested to begin with, she also told me she had the next day off. I wrote off the lack of interest as being tired, and the next day I tried to talk to her and no response. I text her best friend that I was worried something was up and she tells me that this girl just got a new boyfriend.
Kind of posted this just to vent, I was lied to about why we were breaking up, and she didn't even have the balls to tell me she found someone else. I was planning on spending this summer practically by myself (because I respected her enough to not just jump at any girl even though I'm technically allowed to) only to have come to Alabama for her to tell me she moved on. What a vile person.
TL;DR: | Lied to about why we were breaking up, which setup false hopes for the future, made me look stupid for a week, and then learned through a friend that this girl has a new boyfriend. What the fuck. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23 M] met a girl [20 F] on holiday: is she into me?
POST: Dear all,
earlier this month I was traveling and I met a really nice and attractive girl. I am not as easily attracted to girls as most men are (which is not to say I am gay, if anyone is wondering), which is why I was sort of surprised at myself that I was. It also means it was kind of special, hence my message here at this forum.
We met earlier, but we started hanging out on the last day I was in town and we really hit it off. We talked for hours about all sorts of things we are both interested in and then she invited me to see her uni. There she introduced me to a lot of her friends and she was kind of flirtatious in many ways (she even told her father on the phone that it was none of his business who she was hanging out with). We had dinner and took a walk afterwards, so everything seemed to be going fine. However, at some moments she also seemed a bit distant, in the sense that she did not reciprocate me breaking the 'touch barrier' and the end she gave me a handshake (although somewhat awkwardly, in my view).
Naturally, we exchanged emails afterwards, but in the emails she seems to be interested still. For example, she finishes the messages with 'hugs' and in the last email even a 'kiss' and she also recently stated that she wants me to send pictures of myself, because she is slowly forgetting what I look like (which to me sounds logical since we hung out only for one day, really).
What do you think? On the one hand, she seems interested, but on the other she is sort of distant. And it is harder to gauge her interest, now that we only communicate through email.
Any thoughts are appreciated!
Thanks alot!
TL;DR: | I met a girl on holiday and, because we now only communicate through email, it is hard for me to determine whether she is interested. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: I [22M] Need help initiating/How to check if she's taken
POST: Hello fellow reddit folks,
I've been browsing/lurking for the past couple days on dating advice + relationship subreddits but have yet to find info in regards to *title*.
I was wondering if you guys can point me in the right direction and help me out.
So basically I've start college, and would like some pointers!
So far what has happened (it's a week into this semester) is that I've been eyeing this one classmate whom I'm attracted to. I've only been in about 2 classes with her this week and would like some pointers to how I can make her notice me more/get her attention. In terms of status, we spoke on a couple occasions and exchanged names and small talk.
Also, is it possible to "Know" if she is taken yet? I wouldn't wanna be creeping up on her if she already has a SO.
TL;DR: | New to college, want to get to know this girl more, want some pointers. also want to know if she is taken already (any indicators) |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [20/m] My girlfriend of 2 years (19/f) went away for 3 months. She said she didn't miss me and is unsure about our relationship. We're taking a break, could use some advice.
POST: Me and my girlfriend started seeing each other around two years ago in high school. We both finished school around a year ago and we will both start uni after the summer. She just came home after a 3 month stay in a different country to learn English. I visited her after the 3 months and we traveled around a bit before going home. On the trip I already sensed that something was wrong, but we never talked about it.
A week after we came home she tells me that she didn't really miss me when she was away and that she was having serious doubts about our relationship and didn't really love me anymore. I was crushed. I still love her so much! She didn't want to break up , but it's obvious that if here feelings don't change, we don't have a future together.
So we talked about it and decided that we need a break. I'll be leaving for a 5 week trip next week. So we decided that this will be our "break" (We will communicate when I'm gone, but very rarely. Normally we text daily.) She said that she hopes everything will be ok again.
I could really use some advice from people who have been in similar situations. What are some rules that we should set up for the break? What will happen after the break? (Should we just try to go about our relationship as normal and see how it goes) Should I try and do something special for her after the break? Should I get my hopes up?
TL;DR: | GF went away for 3 months, said she didn't miss me and doesn't really love me anymore. Now we're taking a break. Need advice on relationship breaks. |
SUBREDDIT: r/pettyrevenge
TITLE: My friend works as a parking attendant
POST: My friend works as a parking attendant at the world's smallest shopping center parking lot. The rule is the parking spaces are only for customers of said parking structures. Usually he's laid back about it and if you're respectful and nice he'd be a little lax on the rules and let you return the clothes to target if you'd hurry. Yesterday though, a woman parked her Honda and tries to book it to the cafe across the street, so he calls out and asks her to stop since its customers only but she doesn't even turn around. He gets a bit ticked but follows after her saying hey no really you in the purple vest you can't park here, but again she just keeps her head down and walks faster. Now he knows she heard him cause she was 10 feet in front of him the entire time which is well within ear shot, so she was intentionally ignoring him and intentionally ignoring the rules which is kinda a pet peeve of his. He doesn't like the rule anymore then you but that doesn't mean you can be rude to him, so he gets ticked. Walks back to his station and could just write a simple warning citation on a piece of paper which is easy, but rather chooses the old violation sticker and proceeds to not only place it on her windshield but rubs it on so its almost flush with the glass making it hard to peel off. Flash forward an hour, she comes back to her car and notices the sticker and spends an extra 10 minutes trying to pick it off her windshield all the while my friend is just sitting and watching her struggle. She gives up and backs out so that he can see through her back window allowing him a glimpse of his masterpiece. The sticker was bright orange and rectangular, but the mess that was on her windshield was about the size a little bigger then a half dollar with the sticky residue in the shape of the rectangular sticker. Just watches as she drives off in anger and almost gets into an accident. He says it was the best shift he's ever worked at that position.
TL;DR: | Rudest cafe attendant parks in a spot she's not supposed to be in, my friend lets her drive off with sticker gunk all over her windshield. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I (21F) tell my BF (20M) he needs to lose the beer belly?
POST: I've (21F) been dating my boyfriend (20M) for almost 9 months. I love him very much, he's quite special and I intend to spend a long time with him etc etc. He is 5'7 and I assume well over 200 lbs. I am 5'6 and 125 lbs. All of his weight is in his belly...and at his age it doesn't seem healthy for him to have such a round, outward beer belly. He has HORRIBLE eating habits and does not exercise. That is what ticks me the most about the situation.
Sometimes I lose physical attraction towards him, like when the belly is pressed up in my back (lol). I know personality is key but physical attraction is definitely important too. I just don't want to see him continue to gain weight, and I think it's a big insecurity of his so I don't know how to mention it. Or should I not mention it at all?
TL;DR: | BF has big beer belly/is overweight which he is insecure of but does nothing to fix it. Want to help him get to where he wants to be but don't know how to talk to him about it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [32 M] single for 8 years. Maybe I am just not dating material?
POST: So I am 32, male, probably average looking, doing sport, jogging, walking my dog. I have hobbies, ride my bike, ... really not like typical "4chan guy" or "neckbeard" guy (although when It comes to sex experience, we have similarities...). I think for myself I am usually kind and easy to talk to, if little bit introverted. Interested in psychology, astronomy, liberal stances... Its been more than 8 years since last time I've been with someone, Jesus that's a long time. It is incredibly hard to meet someone new here in my place, especially when you're past 30. So I tried for the past few years do online dating (okcupid, tagged, badoo), and sent literally hundreds of messages during that period (around 4 years), but got very little response. Girls usually just go to my profile, probably see few pictures, and go away. I've still never met anyone to go for a cup of coffee. I tried outside "online dating", like on dance lessons, but girls are really not interested into me. Probably *I am just not a dating material*. More like an average Joe. How can I become more attractive or intersting to women?
TL;DR: | maybe I am just an average Joe and will never be dating material. How can I become more attractive or intersting to women? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I[M/30] cheated on my ex three years ago, but I have changed and matured since then. What should I do going forward with relationships?
POST: I was in a 4 year relationship that I had grown bored of. We were just not right for each other. I did care for her, and I regret how it happened, but I ended up cheating on her. That relationship ended and since I got the 'wild' out of my system. I have since started to want a real relationship. I met Janet at a friend's birthday party two weeks ago and started to talk with her. We got along great and I got her number. We went on a first date that went well and she asked when we could do it again, so we agreed to last Friday. Last week she called to cancel and said she was busy. I called the next day to reschedule and she told me that she wasn't interested. I asked why, and she said that she heard from a friend that I had cheated on my last girlfriend and that she believes once a cheater always a cheater. I tried to explain that I was immature at that time and I am different, but she said it just wasn't going to work, she would never be able to trust me.
Is that fair to think? That was three years ago, and I am not that person anymore. If the relationship would have progressed, I would have told her about what happened, I don't want to be a liar like I was then, but is this something that I should hide from all future relationships? Can people not be redeemed and get a second chance?
TL;DR: | I cheated on an ex and potential partner did not want to date me, even though I am no longer that person. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I'm on a "break" and I don't know what to do with myself.
POST: My Girlfriend of over two years has decided we need a break, she gave a bunch of reasons, basically they amounted to she wanted someone with more money, and didn't live his parents. I'm 20 and only live with my parents during the summer months before I go back to school, the same school she attends.
I did not agree to a break, i drove all the way to her house expecting a day of fun at the beach, we were there for like an hour, and then we go back and she basically dumps me. She maintains that she wants to work on the relationship and stay together, and I, having my suspiscions as to the true motive of the break, told her that she should not expect me to just take her back if she thinks its ok to just spring that on me and expect me to just be cool with it, clearly the relationship means more to me than it does to her right?
TL;DR: | I want to end this "break" and be back together, but I'm not sure I can live with myself if I just take her back after this. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My GF [21F] of almost 2 years broke up with me [21M] last month : slowly moving on but wonder if things could one day work between us again
POST: Hi /r/relationships,
My GF [21F] of almost 2 years broke up with me [21M] last month, she said she loves me but isn't in love anymore. She asked if we could keep in touch (to what I answered no), and the whole thing was very hard for both of us, we were both crying our eyes out.
I did respect her decision and we haven't had any form of contact in the last 30days. I also don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We both have been going out with friends a lot since then and I went out on dates with another girl while trying to move on.
So yeah, I'm feeling better each day about this situation and the heartache slowly fades away. The problem is can't take out of my mind the idea that someday we could be back together and make things work.
If after 2 more months of No Contact I still have feelings towards her should I try to contact her ? Or would it be better to not take the risk ?
Also have any of you got back with someone and made things work for a long time after this ?
TL;DR: | GF of 2 years broke up with me because she wasn't in love anymore. Should I try to contact her if I still have feelings towards her after 3 months of No Contact ? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [28/f] No sex drive, don't want to lose my boyfriend
POST: I have a serious problem. I finally found a great guy whom I love more than anything, but I'm afraid it's not going to last because of my low libido. It wasn't always this way - I used to be a huge nympho. Then I got put on a combination of medications, the end result of which is that my health is improving, but I have no sex drive. When our relationship started it wasn't as bad as it is now, but the doses got upped a few months ago. Sex has become a chore - a boring chore. I fake it for him, because I want to make him happy, but I can't fake the bondage he's into. I used to be just as into it, but now being tied up for an hour or more is just *boring* for me. I'd rather clean or wash dishes - something productive. I hate that things have come to this. We live together, so it's constantly an issue (he wants to play almost all the time). I don't know what to do. We've talked about it, and he says he understands, but then when he's horny and I'm not... he is very good at making me feel incredibly guilty. I'm at a loss. Anyone else out there managing a relationship in which one of you has a libido problem? How do you do it?
TL;DR: | I don't have a sex drive. My boyfriend has a huge one. I need to figure out how to make it work. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [26M] don't get in any relationships - is something wrong with me?
POST: I'm a young professional. I go on dates a few times a year, usually concentrated around the times when I'm feeling like going out. Usually these dates don't work out, sometimes they do but I still don't pursue them for more than say 2 months. I never call any of these girls my girlfriends, or consider these to be relationships. This has been going on for about 5 years now.
Recently I met a really nice girl, we never "dated" but hung out as friends a lot. She met someone else but came to me to ask if I wanted to date her, and I said no, because I didn't feel 100% sure about her. She went on to date this guy for a few months (which hurt me a bit, unexpectedly), and now they've broken up?
So my question is, should I be dating people even if I feel like we'd just break up in a few months? It seems like that's what everyone around me is doing. Sometimes I also feel like I can do better or would be settling, so I don't get in relationships. I do feel like I'm ready to settle down, but I'd rather find the right girl than waste several months on someone I'm not feeling 100% sure about. Is this a bad way to go about things? Should I get in more "throwaway" relationships?
TL;DR: | I go out with people, sometimes multiple times, but I haven't been in a relationship in 5 years. A bit jealous of others who are in relationships, but just don't see the point in my own case. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me (30 M) with my ex-GF (28 F): I am going to block her; should I tell her?
POST: Me and my girlfriend dated for about 2 years, and broke up about a month ago. It was an amicable break up. Our views differed on some key things (largely marriage and kids).
Some intervening events happened since then that have made me think less of her and less of our relationship, but it is unimportant. Long story short, I am going to block her on all social media and on my cell phone.
Should I let her know ], or just pull the trigger and go dark? I do not want to hurt her, but I am not sure what is proper here. I have never totally blocked someone out of my life before.
TL;DR: | I am going to block my ex along all forms of communication soon. We are on relatively good terms. Do I tell her before I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Should I [20 F] press for information my BF [21 M] 1 yr, about an anger problem he mentioned?
POST: I recently went through some emotional problems where I was crying all the time spontaneously for no real reason.
My bf and I have talked a lot about emotions since. He is a very level-headed person and doesn't show a lot of emotion. I asked him if he has had episodes where he didn't feel in control of his emotions like how I felt. He said that he isn't the nicest when angry. I pressed further. He said that once between the ages of 13-18 he ended up breaking someone's hymoid (near the jaw) bone. He didn't say that it was out of control for him.
I wanted to know the story and I asked what happened, why, etc. but he said that it was in the past, he doesn't like talking about it, and its not his story to tell. He said nothing like that has happened since, it was a one time incident.
After we hung up the phone I looked up where this bone was and how it can be broken- mostly through falls and strangulation. There were a lot of cases about domestic violence where the man broke the woman's hymoid bone.
Is this something that I keep pressing until he says what happened or do I accept that it's in the past? If I do bring it up again how can I make him talk?
TL;DR: | Boyfriend admitted to breaking someone's hymoid bone in the past but won't tell me the details. Should I press him for the story and if so how? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: It seems like she lied to me. How do I re-approach her before there's no chance of even friendship (21m/21f)?
POST: I got pretty drunk a week ago and climbed on top of a really good friend of mine who I kind of liked at the time in bed briefly. Her friends told me and I apologized to everyone and they all laughed and said everything was ok. This week though she went to a party at her friend's apartment and invited all of our mutual friends except for me. I confronted her about it thinking something might have been wrong, but she said everything was fine - she just could only invite a certain about of other guys and not to take it personally.
I said ok then when some of our friends asked if I wanted to go with them I told them I wasn't invited because xxxxx told me she really couldn't have any other guys. So they asked her themselves about bringing others and got a "Sure! Bring him!! I don't know what you're talking about, what Mark said is a complete lie."
How to I re-approach this? We've been such great friends, I really don't want to lose her. I don't even want a relationship or to get in her pants - I just always have fun when we are together.
TL;DR: | girl seemingly lied to me about why I wasn't invited to party and then told my friends that what I told them was a lie about not being able to bring other people |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22/M] need advice on whether or not to continue initiating with a girl [23/F] that I'm seeing
POST: I've been seeing this girl for a little more than a month - I've known her for years and we've always liked each other but never dated (she had a boyfriend when I met her in high school). Anyway, she is coming off a four year relationship that ended with a called off engagement, and she randomly texted me out of the blue about 5/6 weeks ago and we've hung out a bunch of times since then (she lives about an hour and a half away from me so we hang out when we can). I like her a lot and she always tells me how much she likes me, and I really believe her. We haven't even had sex yet, but whenever we do anything I always initiate it. She seems to enjoy it and reciprocates my affection enthusiastically but if I didn't kiss her first or hold her hand first then I don't think we would kiss or hold hands for the duration of our hang outs. Should I worry about this? Am I being unfair because she recently called off an engagement and might be hesitant to initiate affection with another guy so soon? I'm really considering not initiating anything the next few times we hang out just to see what happens, and also because I just can't be the one initiating all the time. I want her to initiate as well because that would prove to me that she really feels the way that she says. Any advice/input is appreciated.
TL;DR: | girl that I'm seeing says she really likes me but never initiates, don't know if I should stop initiating or not |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20M] with my parents [51F] and [51M]. Can't properly communicate regarding my life and what I want.
POST: English is not my first language. My mother tongue is a South Asian language, and my parents, owing to our upper middle class South Asian background, are generally liberal, if a little over-protective. I grew up speaking English as my first language everywhere outside of home. At school, university and work.
Now living in Canada, I still speak in my first language at home, but all my thoughts are formed in English. As a result, my ability to communicate effectively in my first language is limited in terms of expressing my feelings and thoughts, and talking to my parents in English currently feels awkward, although they are perfectly fluent in it.
I am trying to communicate my true nature and grown-up thoughts to them, but just can't because I can't find the right way to say the words in my first language, and on the other hand, while I can perfectly formulate the feelings in English, it is bound to be slightly twisted by the time they take it in, as it reaches their head first, where it then gets translated to the first language, as is common with any normal human being.
Now I am trying to break this communication barrier in order to make them see me as an adult and for me to be able to express myself authentically in a way that they understand my thoughts perfectly.
TL;DR: | I speak with my parents in my mother tongue, despite English being my dominant language. Can't communicate my thoughts and wants effectively. |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: Just broke up with my gf of 10 months. Know it was the right thing but it still sucks.
POST: Posted this in r/relationships but they booted me over here.
Literally just did it. About to start residency, likely halfway across the country. It sucks because our relationship was so great and there was nothing wrong. I just know that residency combined with a LDR was pretty much a perfect recipe for failure. I hate that I caused her this pain and I feel like a jerk but she's a strong woman and hopefully she will come out of this even stronger. I'm gonna miss you K and I hope you realize and accept why I did what I did today. I wish nothing but the best for you.
TL;DR: | ended a seemingly good relationship today. Feel guilty but know it was the right thing. Just wanted to write my thoughts down somewhere. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22 M] feel like my girlfriend [21 M/F] of a year doesn't take anything I say seriously
POST: Me and my girl fiend met through a mutual friend on an online game and hit it off pretty quickly. We started dating a month into our friendship and its been pretty good for the most part.
The problem I have is that I feel like she doesn't really take anything i say seriously. 5 months ago i asked her to download snap chat so we can have fun chats that way, but she refused saying she didn't really feel like it. It wasn't that big a deal so I went on my business. Two months later she tells that she downloaded snap chat because one of her coworkers really wanted her too. I was happy at first because now we could snap chat, but then I thought why would she do it for a co worker, but not when I asked. I asked her and she said that it was because a lot of people asked her to, not just the co worker.
Another example of this is that I really wanted her to see adventure time because I am a huge fan and I know she would love it. She quickly rejected that idea stating that she didnt want to for reasons she wouldn't give me. 3 months after that I ask her what shes doing and she says watching adventure time. Again I don't understand why she started watching randomly one day and it was because she felt like it, not because i suggested it.
I feel like whatever I say doesn't really matter because we usually always do what she want. I mean I don't really mind since we have the same taste in most things, but I just wish she would take me a little bit more seriously or care about what i have to say. Am I wrong to feel this way?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend refuses to take any of my suggestions only to end up doing them for some other reason. I feel like what I say doesn't matter. Is it Okay to feel this way? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by receiving a condom.
POST: This happened a few months ago, but it was very embarrassing, so I thought I'd share it with you.
In weekends I work as a bouncer, and one week before this incident I was standing outside the club, and a customer that I know briefly, walks past me to get inside. When he passes me he says "Hey ducksandgoats, it looks like you need this" and he hands me a condom, before I had the chance to react, he walks inside the club. More people were approaching so I just hid the condom in my pocket to not draw attention.
The shift ended and I went home, and forgot about the condom. One week later I was back at work, and I had noticed this girl staring at me a lot, and smiling every time I walked by, I never hit on girls when I work, but sometimes I am approached by girls that give me their numbers and stuff. But this girl was really cute, and I wouldn't mind getting to know her better.
I went inside for some water, the girl was standing right inside of the entrance together with another friend,I am a little shy, so I decided I'd pick up my cellphone to avoid eye contact as I passed them. I was right in front of them when I decided to do it, and you could guess what happened, I took out my mobile phone and the condom went flying out of my pants and landed right in front of the girls. I could feel my head just fall straight down to the ground, and I just froze. The girl said "oh, you dropped something" and she picked it up to give it to me, when she discovered what she had in her hand, she burst out laughing.
I had never been so embarassed in my life, at first I just stuttered, and then I started explaining how I got it and that it was another guy's condom, but I just stopped in the middle of the explaination, because noone would believe that anyway.. She started laughing again and handed me the condom while she said "maybe you'll use it later" and blinked at me, but I was so embarassed that I just left without saying much.
TL;DR: | Dropped a condom in front of a girl that was interested in me. She was down, but I became awkward penguin. |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: A negative, unforeseen, consequence of weight loss involving the opposite sex. Help?
POST: 23/m here. I got sick of being fat. I was 212 pounds on October 23rd. I now weight 195. Still a long way to go but I've met a milestone of half way to my weight goal. I recently crushed hard on this girl I met through a couple friends. We have been talking for like a month and texting everyday. We've hung out a couple times and she was supposed to come over today. Tonight she texted me saying that she was too intimidated by my weight loss and thought she wasn't good enough for me as she doesn't see her self as one of those "skinny girls"
As someone who was overweight probably nearing obese last month, I never thought LOSING weight would have a negative impact on my dating life.
Anyone else have these issues? How to fix them? Thoughts?
TL;DR: | I lost 17 pounds in a month, the girl I was talking to is intimidated and doesn't want to continue things. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What is your experience of somebody with good intentions making the situation worse?
POST: For me it was when I was a young teen on holiday with my mum. We were on a long coach journey and I was half-asleep on her shoulder.
A stranger came over and told her he'd noticed how bad my skin looked. Now at the time I had a little bit of acne and wasn't particularly bothered by it, my parents had told me it would go away eventually and that I shouldn't cover it up with makeup as it would make it worse. The stranger went on to recommend roaccutane and my mum got him to write it down for her.
All the while I was, at this point, pretending to be asleep and mortified with embarassment. It was like they had both agreed my face needed treatment and I felt miserable the whole trip and the memory has stayed with me ever since.
Looking back on it, I know the man meant well and neither of them knew I was actually awake, but it still made me very aware of how other people must have looked at me.
TL;DR: | Stranger points out my acne when I wasn't all that bothered about it before. Made me an incredibly self-conscious teenager. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: My roommate is overly defensive
POST: Like, you don't even know. He's my friend, or I'd like to say so if he wasn't pissing me off so much lately. He doesn't replace the toilet paper when he's done. Instead, he thinks balancing the new roll on the old one while it's still on the TP holder is acceptable. He invites my friends over without even telling me until after the matter, which has been a pain in the ass lately because I'm still recovering from bronchitis. I don't especially feel like hanging out, and if I don't, my friends think I'm flaking on them. He lets trash pile up in his room. He just throws shit on the floor. Mind you, this is in the living room area. I walk by it every fucking day and smell it too. Dust bunnies form under all the shit he throws on the floor, I kid you not (SERIOUSLY). BUT THE WORST PART, the absolute worst part is when I try to bring up these issues with him, he will throw a fit instead of trying to listen. Every criticism of him and his slovenly behavior is a personal attack when it's all completely true. It's gotten to the point that I don't want to say anything because of all the drama that will inevitably break forth, but the place is getting disgusting and he's seriously starting to dickride my friends and I'm not cool with that.
TL;DR: | Roomate is a slob, but whenever I bring it up he gets angry and defensive. Is there any way I can try to solve this without a shitstorm or will I have to just wade through the shit? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: A [m, 20] think a girl [f, 19] likes me but I already have a girlfriend [f, 19], what do I do about this?
POST: some backstory:
I met this girl, lets call her girl B and my girlfriend will be girl A, about a week and a half ago. I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 5 months now. Girl B has been talking to me constantly this past week, mainly through text, but we have hung out like 5 to 7 times, through our on-campus job and I set my roommate up with her good friend. 2 of my roommates, both guys, says Girl B is looking to have sex with me, but my best girl friend says she is just being nice to me and that she isn't flirting with me, Girl B texts me CONSTANTLY. I have told girl B about my girlfriend several times. She knows I have a girlfriend.
I have not told my girlfriend about girl B because I feel like I do not have to. We are just talking. All of my friends that I talk to are all part of the same friend group, so its nice having a friend who is not part of our squad who I can talk to. I don't even find her very attractive so my girlfriend should not be worried at all. I mean, she is beautiful, she is beautiful eyes but I do not find her sexually attractive at all. One of my roommates wants me to completely avoid girl B now.
TL;DR: | a girl likes me but I already have a girlfriend, friends want me to avoid her for good, but I dont really want to. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My girlfriend (f,25) and me (m,29) are constantly being told that we need to be in a polyamorous relationship despite neither of us wanting one. How do we deal with this?
POST: Evidently polyamory is the trendy thing right now and it's becoming a little more common in our circle of friends. My gal and I have been dating for 19 months and have excellent and honest communication and an extremely healthy and happy relationship. However, recently friends have been dropping hints to us that we should try polyamory and they give us the standard list of arguments against monogamous relationships that polyamorist throw around.
I've got nothing against the lifestyle or the people that practice it. I'm of the belief that there are many valid forms of relationships and so long as everyone involved is honest and consenting to whatever form of relationship they choose to have, then so be it. However, a few our friends and acquaintances tell us we need to be more "open-minded" and "progressive". I'm as progressive as they come, but again, my girl and I are perfectly happy with the way our relationship is and how we express our love to each other. Whenever we mention that, they try to guilt us into trying polymory, use peer pressure, or make it seem like we're just outdated, boring, uncool, unenlightened, and stupid.
What can I tell them so they can leave us the hell alone without sounding like a defensive prude?
TL;DR: | A few friends keep insisting that my girlfriend and me open up our relationship. How can we tell them to fuck off once and for all and to drop it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I don't feel like my boyfriend (27m) appreciated what I (27f) did for him.
POST: I am a teacher and with 3 weeks to go until the end of the year, I am so overwhelmed with all my work. So yesterday I was in the middle of doing my work, when my boyfriend called. He asked if I could work for him, as a couple of his staff didn't show up for their shifts. My boyfriend owns his own company, it's a venue.
I felt bad for him, since he had a few events booked for the day and no help. So I agreed to help him, even though I had so much to do myself.
I got there for 5 pm and didn't leave until 11 pm. I did the best that I could to help run things smoothly. He bought me pizza and provided me with water. Which was nice of him. At the end of the night as we were leaving all I got was just a "thank you". I was a little sad and would have liked to hear something more thoughtful. Am I over reacting? He offered to pay for the hours I worked. But I didnt accept the money. To be honest I did to help my boyfriend because I love him and support him, not for money. We have been dating for 6 years.
He didn't even call or text me today. I felt like I didnt exist at all to him. He knows that I have a ton of work to do for my job, yet I still helped him. I just wish he said a little more. I don't know why it's bothering me so much. I just feel unappreciated. Should I just accept it and move on.
TL;DR: | I dont feel like I was appreciated. I went out of my way to help my boyfriend with his business. Worked for for him for 6 hours. All I got was a "thank you". |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by accidentally texting my entire family to "go fucking die"
POST: Tonight while I was at dinner with a friend I got a text from a random number. The message consisted solely of a 4 second black video clip where all you could hear was what sounded like a TV in the background. The text was also sent out to 10 other numbers I did not recognize from other random area codes. I assumed it was spam and deleted it. A couple minutes later I received 3 more group texts from the same number containing the same video. It was starting to get creepy and annoying so I responded, "who the fuck is this go fucking die". I assumed I was getting spammed by a bot or something and that no one would actually see it and deleted the texts and blocked the number. I couldn't have been more wrong.
Not a minute after I sent the text I got a call from my mom asking me if I just sent the above text to a group message. I was very confused as she wasn't included in any of the group messages. Turns out he group texts included 40 of my family members, most of whom I have never met (which explains why I didn't have any of their numbers) and the video was apparently my grandpa showing off his recent interview on local news.
Needless to say my parents were very pissed off and I have spent the night calling all of my relatives trying to explain why I told them all to go fucking die.
TL;DR: | Got a random text that looked like spam, got pissed, ended up accidentally texting my entire family to go fucking die. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [21M] left cheating [25M]. How do we deal with shared posessions in the flat we lived in for 2 years?
POST: We lived together for two years, so pretty much everything in the flat we bought together (with the exception of some random things that I will be making no claim to).
How do I best go about sorting this?
I don't want to take the stuff with me, because I'll be moving either back home to my mum, or in to a room share. I have no space for these things. And at the same time, he needs these things to continue living there (pots, pans, plates, television, sofa etc. etc.)
Is it reasonable that I ask him to pay me back an amount?
ALL the bills have always come out of my account, so that's an easy one to fix and change over the direct debits.
I don't want to leave a £1300 sofa (that I've paid half towards) to him because he fucked up the relationship.
I really have no idea how this works. I don't want to be bitter about it, and at the same time I don't want his charity. I just want something that is just.
We're unmarried, but were living together for two years, so a LOT of what we bought, we split in half.
I have HEAVY debts from where I have been pay 50% for everything the entire time when he was earning twice I was, but he was insistent that we were 'equal'. So surely now if we are to be 'equal' he should pay for the 50% I'm leaving behind?
If not, I'm left with £13k of debt and nothing to show for it as it's all still with him.
Can anybody shed any light on this?
TL;DR: | We've split up, I've moved out. Now I don't know what the best way to go forward with belongings that we jointly purchased. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: One of my friends sent me [21,M] a picture of my younger sister [18,F] grinding with someone I know at a party. Do I talk to her about it?
POST: My sister started college this fall at the same college I go to. Before she went off to college, I tried to talk about how she needs to be careful with alcohol, knowing all too well what alcohol can do to someone. For the first couple of months, I didn't worry about her and alcohol. I went to parties with my friends, never seeing or hearing from her about what she did on the weekends. I didn't read about her getting arrested, so I figured everything was fine.
However, a couple weeks ago when we were out to dinner, she said something about going to one of the bar. Side note, our college is known to have a really big party scene, getting ranked as on of the top party schools in the nation. I told her to be careful and to not get arrested, trusting her to not make any stupid mistakes. I did not really worry. She didn't have any drunk pictures on Facebook or Twitter, so I thought everything was fine.
I am starting to worry, however, because one of my friends sent me a picture. My sister and someone I know were grinding at a party. I stayed in that night, but she was at a party with a whole bunch of my friends, which was weird to begin with. Her and the fraternity guy were both obviously drunk, and he was holding her hips. I don't even know how to react to this. She used to be my innocent, younger sister, but now she goes to parties and apparently grinds with other people. This makes me start to worry.
I feel like I, as her brother, need to protect her and make sure she doesn't do anything stupid. But at the same time, she is in college and I cannot protect her all the time now. What should I do?
TL;DR: | Received a picture of my drunk, younger sister who just started college grinding with someone I know. Should I talk to her about it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I want to ask my bf of almost 7 years to marry me on our next anniversary. (I'm 24, he's 26).
POST: My boyfriend and I met back when I was still in highschool. We have been together through the good times, and the bad, and we have talked about marriage and having kids a lot, especially the past couple years. Our families know it's only a matter of time, so I figure we may as well start planning now. But here's the twist: I'm a silly romantic, and *adore* the cute proposals you always see on the internet, and because I don't expect him to do this for me...I wanna propose to him, and surprise him. Is this going to be horribly emasculating? What if I did it publically? Even worse? I have no idea how to go about this. I heard it's tradition to ask the guy to marry you in Ireland on a leap year...but I don't wanna wait that long. What should I do?
TL;DR: | 24 yr. old wants to propose to her 26 yr. old boyfriend of 7 years. Not sure if she should, or how to go about it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Little confused [M/17] (Long Distance of 1400 miles.)
POST: Talking with a friend who i've been sort of close to [F/18] for since around July this year.
She's had a boyfriend the whole time but they've been distancing ever since mid August.
I've been trying to distance myself from her so I don't get feelings. buuut too late.
I know that her relationship is either already over, or suuuper close to ending.
The distancing obviously hasn't worked, and when I said I won't talk to her until December 25th (for a game we wanted to do, but secretly so I could distance myself).
She said "Alright, do what you have to do, but know that i'm not the type to wait around"
Yeah, sure I could be over thinking it because of infatuation, but still.
Go for it?
TL;DR: | Infatuated with 18/f who may still be in a relationship, and a final line may either have ruined all of my chances or given me a HUGE last chance. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: To those of you who have math-intensive jobs/careers, do you agree with schools who don't allow calculators for use on classwork and/or exams? Do you use them while on the job?
POST: I ask because I am in a university (University of Hawai'i) this semester, and last semester I was in a community college (Red Rocks Community, Co).
I am forced to re-take my math class (PreCalc) for a 2nd time at the new school because the other school called PreCalc by a different name, so new school didn't recognize it, placed me back into PreCalc.
The community college allowed us to use calculators on tests and quizzes and I ended up passing with a B. Not the best, but I'm happy. University does not allow calculators for any reason and currently getting a C, and if I cannot pass a test this week, I will basically fail out the rest of the semester in the class.
It's a test we can take twice a day at certain times, but have to the end of this week to pass it. There are several questions throughout the test I could easily punch in a calculator to get the answer, but don't do so well without it when dealing with logs, exponents, graphs, etc.
So I'm curious about the engineers (my major) and anyone else who uses math as a big part of your job, is there really a point in teaching class without the use of calculators?
TL;DR: | When I use a calculator, I do well in math. When I can't use one, seems like I am helpless. Can anyone justify the purpose that certain schools teach without the aid of a calculator? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [20F] boyfriend [24M] thinks he is stupid, when he's actually not.
POST: I'll try to keep this short. We've been dating almost a year now.
I am (not to brag or be condescending) more intelligent than my boyfriend is. When we first started dating I was 19 and he was 23. I fell instantly for him and I haven't looked back since. He had just finished his bachelor's degree at 24, and he is a network administrator. He's funny and smart, and he makes me laugh like no one else.
The problem is that while he finished his bachelor's at 24, I am finishing my master's at 20. I am what you might call more intelligent, but I'm still not a genius by any means. He thinks that he will never be right for me and constantly puts himself down and says he is dumb.
I don't think he is dumb at all. I actually think he is very intelligent. He took 6 years to get his bachelor's because he was working full time and he's now making over 60k a year in his first out of college job. He has a wealth of knowledge about music and art, and he makes me laugh. He thinks that because I have a lot of high level conversations with my student peers that it means that I want to always talk about in-depth topics. I don't. I enjoy those conversations, but I enjoy the conversations he and I have more.
I guess my point is, how do I make him see that he is smart, and that he doesn't have to have a million degrees to be good enough for me? I don't give a damn about whether or not he knows how Kant is or if he can speak 4 languages. I care about him because it's *him*.
TL;DR: | I'm a lot smarter than my boyfriend, he thinks he's dumb when he's actually above average. How do I show him that? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (25 F) am taking on my brother (17) who has an alcohol and drug problem. Looking for advice.
POST: So some back story...
My brother (17) has been drinking and using drugs since he was 15, maybe younger I'm not 100% sure because it's only speculation from my sister.
This last year especially has been difficult. He continuously lies about drinking and my Mom finds large empty bottles of some sort in his room or in the trash outside. Countless times he's finished off my Mom's bottle of wine and lied about it. He's even been hospitalized for alcohol poisoning. So I understand that he has a problem and that he needs help.(He's mentioned to me once that he thinks he's an alcoholic)
As far as drugs go I know that he does acid, mushrooms, ecstasy and smokes a lot of weed. And I believe he mentioned that he has used prescription drugs.
He's still drinking and doing drugs and this past weekend my Mom caught him finishing off a bottle of vodka so as punishment she turned the internet off. That turned into a huge fight and ended with my brother going to a friends. This was on Friday and he still hasn't come home. My Mom feels that she has tried everything but he is still defiant, disrespectful and thinks she is simply controlling. So she has decided that a change of scenery is what he needs (I agree) and he is coming to live with me. My husband and I are going to sit down tonight and come up with ground rules for him. I don't want to mother him because I'm not his mom I'm his sister, so how do I go about all of this?
I'm so overwhelmed and I'm not exactly sure where to start.
How can I encourage my brother to get the help he needs?
Any advice is greatly appreciated.
TL;DR: | Mom is sending my little brother (17) to live with me so that I can help him address his addiction and get him the help he needs. Looking for advice. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I [21/f] need advice on what to do with my [21/m] boyfriend.
POST: Throwaway account for reasons.
Basically we've been together for nearly 2.5 years, we live together and we've been pretty okay. Lately I've been getting irritated at everything he does and I'm not sure why. I just don't like the way he speaks to me or the way he says things. I don't know whether I'm being crazy or if he's actually changed. He can never take anything I say seriously and he gets mad at what I feel is stupid shit. And sex is a big issue for us. He wants it all day everyday but I don't ever want to have sex. I think the problem is that I'm so annoyed with him that I'm unattracted to him. I dont want to kiss him or touch him or anything. He's a little heavier so he tends to be sweaty all the time and it grosses me out. He also smokes and I can not stand it. I've been asking him to quite since May but he just doesn't seem to care and he says he likes smoking. I've tried asking him politely to be healthier and start going to the gym/eating better but he just doesn't care. He tells me hes happy the way he it. The sex he do have is also less than satisfying for me. I love him and we've had fun together the past few years but lately I just dont feel like we're compatable anymore. I've also started having dreams of other people and my dreams feel so much more lively than what I have in reality. Part of me is wondering if I'm just sticking around to play it "safe". I don't know. Any advice is welcomed, I don't know how to fix these things or if they're even fixable.
TL;DR: | My boyfriend has become unattractive to me because reasons and everything he does is annoying me lately. I dont know how to solve this. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [f20] am sometimes bothered with how some of her [f21] guy friends like to constantly hang out with her.
POST: * We've been together for roughly 14 months.
* This is about several of her guy friends. Objectively speaking, some clearly used to be/are interested in her (let's call them Group A). Others are just friends/unknown (these are Group B).
* They don't hang out with her at the same time (ala group of friends).
I've gotten her to stop hanging out with guys from Group A, especially because it led to bad situations.
So now my issue is just the guys from group B.
I don't want to bar her from meeting them entirely. I don't want to tell her to break off the friendship. I don't want to get into this anymore, but yes, I was justified and she agreed in hindsight after apologizing profusely.
I would like to deal with how uncomfortable I feel about how said guys (at different times) maintain constant communication with her on Facebook chat (because she usually shows me some things on her feed and the chat window with said friend/s are visible on the bar. I do not log into her account -- I don't even know her password.), via texts when we're out of the house. There have been times when the communication was virtually endless for the length of several days (Switch from text -> facebook -> text -> real life -> etc). They would also just constantly meet up and invite her to go watch movies/plays/go ice skating at the mall.
As I said, I don't want to toss a wall between them. But I would like the guys from Group B to back off.
Should I talk to them myself? If so, what do I tell them?
Should I ask her to talk to them? If so, should I do a follow-up to make sure she does so?
How do I go about this without offending her (I don't really care about offending them but if it's avoidable, that would be good. For most, we are friendly acquaintances. The rest I've only seen in passing.)?
TL;DR: | I'm uncomfortable with guy friends constantly talking/hanging out with her. How do I deal with it without hurting anyone? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [26F] with my boyfriend [33M] 5 years, he's been having very sexual dreams about other women...what would you do?
POST: My boyfriend of 5 years has very sexual dreams regularly about other women.
It really bothers me and I'm not sure how to tackle it. I have confronted him about it and he knows it upsets me, as I've taken to sleeping on the sofa when it happens.
He's never admitted that he has these dreams but it's not hard to work out when he calling out other women's names during the night amongst saying things like '(name) F**k me, I want to F**k you so bad (name)' do this to me, do that to me.
More bothering is that when he's having these dreams, he holds on to me and tries having sex with me....while saying someone else's name! Commonly the name of an girl he was seeing before me. I literally have to slap him away and get out of bed.
This has been going on for almost a couple of years, and while we have a rocky relationship at the best of times, this has become more and more frequent this year. I've just had enough of it and would appreciate any advice.
TL;DR: | Again, when he wakes up the next day he will never admit to having these dreams and insists I must be making it up...advice please?! |
SUBREDDIT: r/pettyrevenge
TITLE: Any suggestions? Plagiarizing coworker needs a dose of /r/pettyrevenge.
POST: I haven't seen anyone request revenge tips... so if this is out of place feel free to remove it.
**So here's the details:**
My girlfriend caught a coworker (I work there too) plagiarizing 15+ articles in the past few months he's worked there. Worst of all? He's a Senior Communications Specialist. He's trying to pass off articles, presentations, and emails that he literally copied and pasted from the internet as his own. Not ONE citation.
My girlfriend alerted his (which is also her) boss about this, especially since some of these communications have been going out at a national level, which could be very embarrassing for their department if found out. Said boss told him to go back and cite everything. He didn't lose his job, and must not feel that bad about it since he's making his team feel very uncomfortable assuming it was one of them who came to the boss about his plagiarism. In the past day, he's snapped at my gf, made nasty comments, and refuses to do any work for the team. The situation is getting worse by the hour. She's documenting and will report anything extreme to HR.
All told, this guy is a real piece of crap. He's been harassing my gf since he started there. It is also quite apparent that he's been plagiarizing his work for years based on how poor his writing and spelling is. My guess is that it is only a matter of time before he either quits or is fired, but I'd like to have some internal satisfaction for my gf and myself that only petty revenge can bring.
My first thought is to leave articles by the communal printer of people who were fired for plagiarism.
Does /r/pettyrevenge have any suggestions?
TL;DR: | Coworker is blatantly plagiarizing and harassing coworkers for informing his boss. Looking for creative ideas to get back at him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I don't know how to forgive him...
POST: My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years, married for 2.5. His brother is a narcissist. He is toxic, irrational, abusive. My husband worked for him because it was easy, I was never comfortable but didn't fight it because his income has never been steady, and anything is better than nothing.
On our anniversary in sept, his brother decided to tell him that he hates me (for no reason), and that I am not welcome anywhere in his life, or in my father-in-law's. My husband responded by telling him "well, people are like cilantro, I can't make you like her, but I ask that you be civil"... I was so hurt and insulted that he did not stand up for me. I cried every time I thought about it, and begged him to look for a new job...he worked there 5 days/week for another 7 months, and never looked for a new job. The only reason he left is his brother destroyed/lost the business last week.
He has apologized and said that he made a mistake, and claims that he wants nothing to do with his brother until he apologizes to both of us, and yet he speaks nicely to him when he calls, and even sends him job postings to help him find work.
I have suggested counselling, and he refuses. I am full of anger and resentment...not sure what to do.
TL;DR: | brother-in-law forced my husband to choose between us, my husband betrayed my trust and humiliated me for 7 months. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23 F] with my ex [25 M] of 4 months, wondering if I made the right choice breaking up with him
POST: Two days ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 months and I'm constantly doubting my decision. I decided to end it because I hate the way he acts when we argue; it's as if he turns into a bitter, angry version of himself that can't be reached. That leaves me feeling alone, and on multiple occasions made me feel like breaking up was inevitable (only to have the feeling go away when we got along). And a few times when I've brought up issues, he's discounted them (i.e. "it wasn't as big a deal as you think, nobody noticed"), making me feel like he doesn't truly respect my opinions.
I've brought it up to him before that I hate how he acts when he's angry, only to get rebuffed. He gets very defensive. Though, I was never able to effectively communicate what it is he does, just that "I don't like the way you act when you're angry" and "it's like you're another person". I feel like I should have tried harder. When I broke up with him he said he didn't realize I was that upset about it (even though I've voiced how upset it made me nearly every time he got angry) and that he thought it was a stupid decision to make without trying to work on it.
TL;DR: | Broke up with boyfriend over anger issues, unsure if they are an unchangeable part of him and having doubts. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What can I do when my step-mom is claiming I steal from her and my dad and lies about it as well as making other bizarre claims?
POST: I have not lived with my family since I was 15 because of her yet even today she still causes me problems. She has accused me of stealing sleep apnea machines of hers and my dad even though I was not even in the country, breaking into my dad's jeep (her psychic told her that I did this), stealing silverware (this is some something I inherited from my great uncle), stealing a bread machine, stealing my dad's binoculars (I borrowed them with his permission), stealing money from the high school I went to (never happened),and hacking the phone system at said school (wtf?). The list goes on and on and it won't stop because my dad is to weak, I honestly would not be surprised if he as a mild form of Asperger's, to stand up to her. She keeps on sending emails claiming these things to my wife, my grandma, my sister, and sometimes other members of my family. What's worse is the last time we met in person she told my wife to leave me and that there was a pattern of mental health problems in both my father's and mother's families and that my dad sexually abused one of his sister's (her psychic told her this as well).
I have tried living out of the country for nearly a decade and not talking to either of my parents (this worked relatively well), ignoring her (did not work), and confronting her about what she was doing (she just does it all the more).
TL;DR: | My step-mom makes all sorts of nasty false accusation in emails and in conversation to members of my family. What can I do to make her stop? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm having a hard time getting past my (f/22) husband's (m/24) online behaviour...
POST: Well, I won't bore you with a back story. We've been together for about 4 years, married only for a few months.
I'm having a hard time getting past my husband's online behaviour. To put it shortly, he is very flirtatious (?) On Facebook and instagram and snapchat. He's been caught chatting with a girl on facebook about the usual stuff before, about how he liked her and wanted to see her and all that jazz, but nothing ever got physical and I shut it down immediately before anything else had progressed. I made him block that specific person on all accounts and even send a message to her saying that both he and she were being very disrespectful towards me, and how she knew we were together but had continued to pursue him which had made me very upset.
But that was over, and we have been communicating better and both working through our issues. Now, he was always the very flirtatious type, but nothing ever really suspicious or over the edge. But lately, he's been commenting on photos of his "friends" bare butts and others pictures with cleavage and profile pictures with smiley faces and "very nice :)", "you're looking 100%", etc etc...but what really has been ticking me off has been those photos that everyone has been sharing that goes something like "like 3 pics and I'll rate you" or "comment your name and I'll give you a emoji" which is always about would I date you, screw you or whatever.
And he's been doing a lot of those. Commenting on girls pics and then sending back comments like that.
My question here is, am I just being a psycho based on past infidelity? Am I being reasonable in getting mad?
What should I say to him?
TL;DR: | My husband has been liking those stupid share posts on Facebook from random girls asking for a rating. Also comments flirtatiously on girls photos of bare butts and cleavage. Should I be mad or nah? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Meme verb agreement?
POST: So, memes often have an understood pronoun. For instance, Socially Awkward Penguin: "Start Telling Joke, Forget Punchline." This is either "I start telling joke, I forget punchline" or "You start telling joke, you forget punchline."
However, it can also be: "Starts Telling Joke, Forgets Punchline" in which the understood pronoun is it/she/he. "She starts telling joke, she forgets punchline."
Which is preferred? I see them both ways. It seems like the point of a meme is to speak for yourself or to a generalized audience or that kind of "you" that means "one". "You never know until you try" is really saying, "one never knows until one tries." Which means maybe one starts telling a joke, and one forgets punchline. Also, it could be that you're describing a socially awkward penguin. He starts telling a joke, he forgets the punchline.
TL;DR: | What's the correct understood pronoun in a meme? "You", "I", "It" or "One"? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (24 F) don't want to "catch up" with an old middle school friend on a coffee date. How do I bail?
POST: So this probably sounds childish but my old middle school friend just asked if I would go for coffee with her to catch up on Tuesday. I'm an extremely awkward person and I have generalized anxiety disorder. Last time I ran into her it was like hell, how awkward it was. We stopped talking entirely about 4 or 5 years ago. I have her on facebook, which makes it even worse. I don't know what to even talk about because we both already know everything that's going on with each other. I also find it odd how people are suddenly talking to me now that I'm pregnant.
Anyways how do I politely and not obviously bail on this coffee date. There is literally no part of me that wants to go, I haven't had friends of my own for about 4 years and I don't want to, really. I have my boyfriend and occasionally hang out with his friends, which drains me mentally enough as it is. I don't want her to feel like it's her though, I don't have an issue with her. It's myself. Thank you for any help.
TL;DR: | I'm extremely antisocial and I think I would probably die if I had to catch up with an old friend, how do I bail without making it seem like I hate her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/cats
TITLE: Her highness demands to be released at 05:00.
POST: Ok, so we have this cat (born wild) we adopted like 7 years ago. She's grown from a growling ball of fury in a large hamster cage (for her and our safety) to a fairly social cat, atleast to us. Anyway, during the day she's awesome.
There is just one thing that's been annoying the hell out of me lately and that's the fact that her highness doesn't care for the living room door being closed in the morning. We keep her and another cat in the living room (+litterboxes) during the night, because otherwise they'll often tear around the (2 bedroom) apartment which isn't quite compatible with trying to get some sleep.
This means she's scratching/clawing at the living room door at 5:00, 6:00 or 7:00 in the morning, and she'll easily go at it for 30 mins straight, which in turn means -I- am awake at 5, 6 or 7 in the morning, every day, because I sleep lightly and the apartment isn't that big so the noise carries into the bedroom.
We've tried a few things, like repremanding her by squirting water at her or having the vacuumcleaner (which she hates) in the living room and activating it from the bedroom (the apartment is small enough :)) when she scratches to try and create a negative association with scratching at the door. While the vacuumcleaner helps for the moment, it isn't a fix: she'll do it again the next morning, and the next morning, etc.
So my question for you, cattit:
Do you know of any tricks I could try and get her to stop scratching the door in the morning?
TL;DR: | Cat scratches door at 5, 6 or 7 in the morning, every day, waking me up that early every day. Any tips for getting her to stop ? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18 M] dating [20 F] for 6 weeks. She's not ready for sex but I don't want to be abstinent on her behalf. What should I do?
POST: I completely and utterly respect that she isn't ready for sex. It's her body and I don't want to pressure her.
However, I am ready for sex, and while I'm not frustrated on an intellectual level, I certainly am on a hormonal level.
She's a very smart girl, and I don't want to lose her just because we are at different stages sexually.
I have a friend who I engaged in casual sex with before this started. I was wondering what the go is with that. Can I see her to tie myself over till my girlfriend is ready?
The fact that I wouldn't be comfortable telling either of them I am seeing the other is a big hint for me not to do it.
However, I am starting to watch pornography which I really feel uncomfortable about, but I need an outlet, and I seem to be losing a grip on things a little bit, because her not wanting to have sex is a little damaging for my self esteem. She doesn't have any religious or moral reasons to not have sex she simply just doesn't want to yet.
What should I do?
TL;DR: | Casual sex with someone I'm not that into, or wait for the girl I am into at the expense of my sanity. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: There's a bird pecking holes in the house, please help.
POST: So we have this bird, it's a White-breasted Nuthatch, and it's pecking holes in the overhang on the roof of our house. I live in a brick house, but there's wood at the top. Where he/she is pecking holes is right on the outside edge, right below where the shingles overhang. I've already had a leak in the roof close to this area before (for other reasons) and I'm worried water is going to end up getting back in there and rot the wood out. I also don't want holes for other creatures, or bugs to get in the attic. If it were one hole, I wouldn't worry that much, but this thing has made over 4 so far and I don't want him turning this house into Swiss cheese. I've already patched 3 holes with caulking about a week ago and I thought that might stop it, but I noticed that it's back again today in a new location. I don't think it's after bugs, but it's storing seeds in there. I've got millions of pine trees around my house, so why it's decided to peck holes in my house instead of a tree, I don't know. Fucking troll bird! Anyway, are there any ideas on how to get this bird to stop without killing it? I'm afraid that might be my only choice.
TL;DR: | A bird is pecking holes in the overhang to my roof. Please let me know how to stop it without killing it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/weddingplanning
TITLE: Ready to drop our wedding plans
POST: I see posts like this all the time, and I generally try to take them with a grain of salt, but I hit a point tonight when I thought it would be some much easier/better to just have a small wedding in FMIL's backyard.
CONTEXT: FH works for one of the largest accounting firms in the world (this is important because they tend to work him like a dog. Not just bragging, but I am so proud of him!) in a different city than I live in and that our wedding is being held. It's approximately an hour and a half away. Currently, during busy season, he is working 80 hous/week and I am typically only able to see him on Sundays since he is able to work from home then.
THE SITUATION: We booked a DJ almost two months ago and wanted to sit down and hash out some of the details for our wedding. First, he called me back at 10:00 at night. Who does that? Secondly, he wants to set up a meeting, but we both have to be there and he is not able to meet on weekends. I'm fully capable of deciding things myself so that we'll both be happy and enjoy the night. Even after I told him that it would be nearly impossible to get FH down for a meeting he suggested Skyping him in because there's "no way he'll have to work from 7:30-8:30 in the evening". I don't know how I could spell this out for this guy any more clearly.
I'm just starting to think this whole thing is too expensive and way too much stress, and I would be better off having 30 people instead of 300!
TL;DR: | DJ wants both FH and I at our meeting. FH works 80 hours/week and can't make it. I'm thinking I just want a small wedding instead, too late to change everything? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My BF's brother [34] kissed me [24] and I don't know how to respond... Do I tell my BF [25]?
POST: My BF ("A") lives with his brother ("B"), and I'm over at their house frequently. My BF stepped out to do some grocery shopping while I was taking a nap. I woke up and was hanging around in the living room watching tv and B came and sat down next to me. We get along pretty well. I've been dating my BF for about 8 months and I've gotten to know his family pretty well.
Anyway, I turned my head to look at something and when I turned back, B just fucking went ahead and kissed me! Like...what? I was so confused I just sat there for at least 20 seconds with him trying to probe my mouth before I snapped out of it. I was like "what the hell are you doing, what is your fucking problem" blah blah and he simply said that he really liked me and he's sorry A met me before him. I had tears in my eyes I was so upset and I just ended up storming out of the house and going back home.
Meanwhile A starts calling me wondering where I am, I just told him that my sister called to tell me my dog is throwing up and having diarrhea so I needed to tend to him. He said ok and came over a bit later because he wanted to help with my dog, and I couldn't bring myself to explain what really happened. I dont know what to tell him. He really admires his brother and they get along well. I just dont know and I definitely can't be in that house anymore. Help
TL;DR: | My BF's brother kissed me, now it's weird, I told him off and now I'm not sure where to go from here. |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: Hope this is the right place for this, but college bound redditors: remember, you can party harder in four years than you can in a semester.
POST: I just graduated college and just wanted to let you guys know that being on your own is awesome! But you have to manage your time, make sure school comes first. Even if you dont want to have a 4.0, you still need to at least have a good enough GPA to stay in school. After you get the work done that you feel is necessary...party your ass off, play video games, go dick around, take up a new hobby, join a club, meet as many people as you can, squeeze every drop of fun out of it as you can...because when you graduate, look for a job, and try to be a real person it sucks.
Just have a great time, but make sure you have the ability to get things done to make sure you can still have fun.
Also, try to network, intern, and schmooze professors. I was told all I needed was to get a good GPA and everything would fall into place. Not so much, make sure you talk to as many people as possible and try to get as many experiences and connections as possible.
TL;DR: | Have a blast in college, just make sure you can stay in school. Also, try to get some connections and experiences in relevant fields. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [26F] am at a loss on how to bring up sensitive weight subject with my mom [62F]
POST: My mom got bariatric surgery several years ago and has lost a ton of weight. However, in the past couple years she's began to gain it back. She snacks constantly, started smoking again, and drinks a lot of wine. When she got married last year, she even had to buy a bigger dress after a few months.
We both got FitBits to motivate each other, and I got her a healthy snack subscription, but every time I see she's gained more weight. I see her every few months and it's noticeable each time.
When I was growing up she was always very concerned about both her and my weight and I know she felt bad about it. She's very sensitive about people attacking her so I'm at a loss at how to approach the subject.
TL;DR: | After getting bariatric sugery, my mom is gaining all her weight back. She's a very sensitive person, so how can I bring it up without upsetting her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [23F] want to text my ex [23M] but need advice on what to write
POST: My ex and I dated for over five years. It ended in a really messy break up where I told him I hated him and never wanted to talk to him again because of his emotional affair. I got a bf soon after that I have been with for a little over a year.
Over time, the ex and I developed a lot of mutual friends. I was hanging out with one recently who said that ex didn't hate me and I should try to talk to him and he doesn't reach out to me because he's scared I'll say awful things again like when we broke up.
Since that convo, I've been having dreams about my ex and just feel like it's my subconscious telling me I need some closure. I don't want to be friends with ex out of respect for my current bf, I just want to say something along the lines of "I've been thinking about you lately and I just want you to know that I don't hate you anymore" but I want it to sound more eloquent. Any advice for how to word this? Also, the mutual friend is having a bday party in the fall and he might be there so it would be good to say something nice that isn't too nice to make him think that I want a friendship.
TL;DR: | BF and I had a messy break up a year and a half ago. I'm finally ready to tell him I don't hate him anymore but I need the right way to phrase it in the text message. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 F]. Not sure if I'm a lesbian or if I'm bi. Definitely attracted to women but the social dynamics of being with a guy weird me out.
POST: A little background on me. I'm a 21 year old woman, currently single, who has dated both men and women. I know I'm attracted to women, and would be happy to be in a relationship with one.
I'm not sure about guys though. In the relationships I have had, I have felt attraction for them, but have had no desire to have penetrative sex with them (I enjoy oral and making out though). It isn't because of any shame about sex either; I wasn't raised in a way that would make me feel ashamed of my sexuality, unlike some religious girls I know.
Mainly, the dynamics of a relationship with a man kind of weird me out. It is pretty socially acceptable (Many people I know even think its cute) to have a guy who is protective and even what I would consider controlling over them.
I am a very independent person and being with a person who tries to cast themselves as my "protector" or something like that really makes me uncomfortable. Especially when that involves telling me they don't want me doing something. And while I know this is not an issue that happens only with men, it seems the social roles people tend to fall into causes this to occur frequently when I date men, and almost never with women.
I'm thinking I might be a lesbian, but I'm not quite sure... It may also be possible that the only issue I have with relationships with men is feeling controlled by the social roles that relationship would put on me.
TL;DR: | I'm not sure if I'm bisexual or if I'm a lesbian. I feel uncomfortable with the relative social inequality i have experienced when dating men in the past. |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: I feel like a huge failure right about now.
POST: Basically, I'm about to graduate college with a political science degree. I intended to use that to go to law school but I pretty much waited to long to take my LSATs and now have nothing to do. I'm not sure if I want to go to law school even, my GPA is a 3.3 from a city college, which isn't THAT great, at least for me. I'm looking for a job in the business field and am having no luck so far. I'm dead set on continuing my education at some point, possibly law school or business school, but right now it's not something I want to do. My parents pressure at this point isn't helping. They think I'm basically a fuck up because I haven't "accomplished" anything in the four years I went to college and don't have a plan. They also say that my brothers in my fraternity will stop associating with me once they get money if I don't have as much as them since many of them are going for their MDs. I don't think it's true but it's something that scares me since it happened to my parents where their friendships were ended because of money (my parents weren't making as much money as their friends). It also doesn't help that my parents are in a financial hole right now and my father has to resort to driving a cab until he can find something else to do.
I currently work in retail, so it's not like I have no job, but this isn't something I want to keep doing after college. Almost all the people I work with I feel are completely beneath me. Looking at a bunch of them, I can tell that I'm better than this. I really have no idea what to do with my life and this is completely stressing me out. Especially since I just got my first girlfriend. I know that most likely we won't get married, but my whole mindset about money changed. I look at money as a way to support the possible future I may have with this girl, even if we don't get married.
TL;DR: | Political Science major has no idea what to do with life, getting shit from parents because of it, current job sucks, having trouble finding new one. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [20 M] weary of long distance, weary in general. Still love [20 F] more than anything after 2 years, but don't know what to do anymore.
POST: I love this girl more than anything, we've been together since before I was an adult.
Pretty quickly after we got together we were separated by distance and stayed together because we didn't know what else to do. We've weathered through more than two years of long distance, only seeing each other about 5 months out of the year (college schedules).
I love the time that we have together, though admittedly some of the things that have happened as part of being long distance have put a little strain on us (no one has cheated or anything, but there's been some weird insensitivity that hurt both people's feelings).
For a long time I've been overly conscious of my own mortality (weird thing to think about at 20, I know, but I do), and I'm honestly worried that I'm going to miss out on dating people while I'm actually a young and (decently) attractive person. That I might someday look back and wish I had done something different. (There have been a couple of opportunities that I didn't act on because of this relationship). I frequently think that if I had met [20 F] 10 years later in life then everything would work out, and I could even see myself settling down with her (in that situation), but she's the first and only major girlfriend I have— I never got an opportunity to play the dating game.
I love her so much that sometimes I don't know what to do with myself, but I'm constantly stressing out about what the right thing is to do. I don't know who I am without her, but I am stressed on a daily basis about where to go from here. She's also head over heels for me, and has been the greatest girlfriend that a guy could possibly ask for.
TL;DR: | Love this girl I've been in a long distance relationship with for 2 years. Freaking out about future/mortality and feel I need to date while I'm young. Freaking out in general. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, what's the strangest situation you've been caught in?
POST: I'll start. I was sitting in my room doing homework when my nose started to bleed. I stuffed a tissue up my nostril and continued working. I was wearing a hoodie, and after a few minutes of sitting on the futon the folds of my hood started giving my neck some trouble, so I just put my hood up and kept on trucking. I switched up the tissue lodged in my blood tunnel of a nose and while doing so, noticed that my pocket knife on the ground next to me was dusty. Dust is like my kryptonite, so I drop everything I'm doing, grab a can of dust remover and blast the knife. As I'm clearing the last specks from the blade, my roommate walks in and just bursts out laughing. To this day, he admits he has never seen anything more ridiculous.
TL;DR: | My roommate discovered me hooded, with a bloody tissue up my nose blasting a pocket knife with a can of dust remover. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (22 m) mentor high school students in English. (TW) One of them (16 m) just confessed to me that he is sexually attracted to children. What do I do? (Not sure if this is the right sub...)
POST: He has not acted on these desires. He doesn't want to. He wants help.
What do I do? Is there anything/one I can refer him to? How should I, as a mentor, approach this? How should I be there for him?
I want to help him stay on the straight and narrow.
I've taught him for seven months on a near daily basis. I am currently doing some traveling, and he told me this over email. He told me that it really tears him up, being attracted to something he knows he can never ever.
I've consulted with a fellow teacher about a ton of hypotheticals (what would I do if a student told me X) and slipped in this situation, so I know what I am required to do in this case. Which is actually not that much. If I become aware of him having any specific intent to commit a crime, then I am obligated to report him to the police. Other than that, the school values the student-teacher relationship, and the trust that comes with that, so I do not have to report him to the school.
If there is a better sub to post this in, I would appreciate being told.
TL;DR: | High school student is pedophile, how do I help him stay on straight and narrow? How do I support his efforts? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: New baby blues.
POST: Ok, this is my first post, and I'd like to preface with the fact I know I'm kinda being a dick about the situation. That being said, background: me (27m) wife of 2 years (26f). We met in high school, and were each others first and only real long term relationships. We broke up a few times early on, say early twenties and I fooled around with a few girls but never anything close to serious because we would always get back together. Even when we were apart for a year, a few months in we had a fwb situation that just morphed back into a relationship.
Now to the present, we lived together a few years, got married, and now have a 6 month old. Parenting has definitely changed our relationship, less time as a couple, less sex, etc. I know this is to be expected, but now I'm struggling with feelings of being trapped. I know how selfish it is, and if I wasn't ready to man up I shouldn't have gotten married and had a kid. That's not the responses I'm looking for. My wife is a great woman, and I love our child dearly. It's just the reality of knowing we will never just be husband and wife again is fucking with my head. It was such a huge jump from being free to do whatever I wanted, to the harsh realisation that parenting is a 24/7 obligation. I now look back at my younger years wishing I experienced more. Travel, dating, random hook ups, etc. I'm pretty sure the grass only looks greener, and if I was single now like a lot of my friends I would long for a solid marriage and family.
Not sure if this is as coherent as I think it is. Again, if anyone has any coping mechanisms, not just " you're a selfish idiot." Or " it'll get better eventually" type responses I would appreciate it.
TL;DR: | 27 m married with new baby, lack of life experience as a single man/overwhelming parenting duties creating feeling of regret for starting a family. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [20M] really like a friend of mine [20F] since February 2013, I'd like to say it to her, but don'know how
POST: I met her for ther first time on 27th December 2012, we were in a pub with some mutual friends. Since the beginning I thought she was an interesting girl, but I did nothing because one of those friends already had a crush on her.
A few days later a friend of hers asked me to go out with them together and I accepted without any doubts, so since that day we started to go out all three together.
In February 2013 I started to like her a lot, and we often frequented eachother from a month, always with this other girl or sometimes with other people. We used to talk a lot, in reality and by chat also, but I never told her that I liked her.
The situation is still the same, I still like (maybe love) her, but I never told her.
The main problem is that currently we still frequent eachother, but it's not like it was before, we are often with a lot of other people and we barely talk and never chat(I don't know why we don't have the same contacts as before).
Another big problem is that she is a really closed person, not in the sense of introverted or shy, but it's really rare to hear her talk about herself or her problems. She also often refuses physical contact.
So I really don't know how to behave in this situation, I'm trying to persuade myself on telling her tomorrow, but I need motivation and advices, thanks.
(Never had experience in this subject, never had a girlfriend or asked someone out)
TL;DR: | I like a girl since one year and a half, we barely talk and she often doesn't even consider me, how should I tell her? (Need motivation and advices) |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I might get expelled from college, help?
POST: Last night, my friend calls me to hang out with him over at his dorm. When I come over, he shows me that he turned his suite mate's room (who have recently moved out) into a beer pong room. It is me and four other friends, one of whom who used to live in the room. I myself was not drinking nor playing pong for had to do a radio show in about an hour. The RA bangs on the door literally five minutes after I arrived and my friends spill out most of the beer in time. The RA comes in sees the table and questions us about where the beer is and then writes us up and what he says, although he did take statements from us which mine was "I wasn't drinking and had no part of this."
The problem isn't that I got caught just for this, last semester I got caught for two different situations that have caused me to go on Final Disciplinary Probation and kicked out of housing. This is my last strike and I feel as though I just used it up even though my friends can back up this story. I know how my school's judicial process works, but is there anything I can do to get ready for the worst, or anything that can prepare me to hopefully come out of this still in the college I want to attend?
TL;DR: | Got caught in a room where kids were playing beer pong, wasn't playing or drinking, on my last strike what should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: BF (21m) feels as though he has lost all his friends but me(21f). How can I help him?
POST: We're in our final year of college. Sort of. I graduated early, but work/live in the area and still spend a good deal of time around campus. I have been part of a tightly-knit friend group since freshman year, and BF came into the group when he started living with a few of them sophomore year. We became unofficially involved last winter, and have been officially dating for 3 months. It's a very close group, some people closer than others.
To make a (very) long story short, BF has trust issues from past relationships. He and I are in a remarkably good place, given those issues and my own... however, it takes him a long time to feel truly close to anyone. Recently, some drama went down in our group that has made him feel as though he cannot be genuinely close (as in, trust implicitly - he's an all or nothing type of guy) to anyone but me. This is making him quite depressed and scared, as well as causing him to cling to previous relationships with people who were notably bad for him simply because he remembers that they *used* to be close and is afraid that he's come out of college with a net loss of solid friendships.
Now, I believe that the relationship that was most severely damaged in said drama can be healed with time, but even so, the fact remains that BF is lacking in people he can really talk to. As in, there's mostly just me. **How can I help him meet new people and encourage him to hang out and interact in the hopes of forming real friendships, as opposed to simply maintaining acquaintances?**
He's pretty damn stubborn and pessimistic right now. Any advice on both how to talk to him about this without making him feel like I'm spouting cliches, as well as similar stories or places to meet people outside of class, would be great.
TL;DR: | BF feels like he can't trust anyone but me, and therefore feels lonely/like he has no other real friends. How do I help? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19 M] have feelings for two people, both [19 F], and I'm a mess
POST: Hello /r/relationships.
---
I'm in my second year of college, but I transferred to a college that is 12 hours from home, instead of the 45 minute distance I was at last year. At the beginning of this past semester, I broke up with my girlfriend of two years (who I had a thing for for several years prior) because I felt like we both needed to focus on ourselves for a bit and we were both very busy with school. Anyways, we've been in contact - sometimes fighting, sometimes not, but she lives 12 hours from me so fights are terrible via text or facebook or phone. Anyways, I definitely will always have feelings for her because she has had a very important and special place in my life. I know that for sure. But now, over the course of the past month or so, I've started getting some (not nearly at the same level as the girl back home) feelings for a friend of mine. We hooked up a few times, etc. and have established that we both kind of like each other.
----
Now I'm home, and I saw my ex, and it's hard to not act like I did the last time I saw her (right before I left for school, 4 months ago), and we actually kissed last night. Now, I'm not dating the girl that I have a thing for at school, but we agreed to keep it exclusive when it comes to hooking up. Anyways, it's been really hard over the past few months because I know it's good for me to start doing my own thing, but I have feelings for this girl back home, and now it's even more difficult because of these feelings for the girl at school. I'm at a complete loss and I'm so overwhelmed and I could use any advice you're willing to throw my way.
Thanks for your time.
TL;DR: | Dated a girl at home for 2 years, moved 12 hours away, now have feelings for a girl I go to school with, but still for girl at home. HELP! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [21M] 1 year relationship with my SO [21F] is coming to a close and I'm scared I wont ever find anything as good
POST: We both came into this relationship knowing that it would end fairly soon. We both received amazing job offers and it would be a terrible life choice on either part to not accept. Shes moving to Colorado and I'm moving to Texas.
Our relationship is perfection, Ive had my fair share of relationships before, but none come close to this one. I have everything that I could ever want from a SO, we fulfill each others desires, we never argue, but when we do we can calmly talk our problems out, We always have the most incredible dates regardless of what we do. All the little things she does makes me feel so special. I have never met anyone so similar to me and I love her more than I thought was humanly possible.
She makes me feel truly loved. I would give everything I own just to have a few more nights with her where we can lay in bed together and just talk the night away.
Neither of us like the idea of a long distance relationship but are willing to try. However we both recognize that it might be for the best if we end things now as there is so much potential waiting for the both of us in our new lives.
I love her, I honestly believe that she is perfect for me, and I worry that I wont be lucky enough to find someone as amazing as her again.
TL;DR: | Dated an amazing girl for a year, and we are going our separate ways because of job opportunities, and i'm worried that i wont ever find a girl as perfect as her, or be in such a good relationship ever again. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [m/23] struggld to communicate with her [f/25] and I am not sure how to improve.
POST: We have been dating for about 4 or 5 months now. For the most part we get along really amazingly. Our sex life is great and we make each other laugh and smile every day.
However communication wise, we are not a match. I am a very verbal person. If i want to say i love you i will simply say it. She on the other hand shows her love with actions rather than words. If she wants to say i love you, she will buy me a gift or she will say i love you only during a very intimate moment. Like during or after sex and when we are with her family and she sees how much they like me she will whisper it in my ear. For the most part its fine. I dont need to hear I love you everyday but sometimes after a long days work its nice to hear.
Last night is an example of when our communication fails. We had a little fight and i apologised and meant it. And she said nothing. She isnt good at expressing her thoughts but when i apologised and explained how much she means to me and she says nothibg, to me that meant she disagreed or didn't appreciate my honesty.
I am not blaming this on her at all. I do wish i didnt need to speak for the both of us sometimes but its who she is and i adore her a lot.
I am just here to ask if there is anything I can do to make our communication better and two sided? Should I just be patient and hope she starts to open up more or do i not accept her quietness?
TL;DR: | A girl i am seeing doesn't express her feelings the way i am used to. Is there a way i can help her express herself or do i just need to be more understanding and patient? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [20F] have something going on with my professor [37M]
POST: Ever since the semester started we kicked it off great and I started becoming more and more interested in him. We have a lot of things in common, and on an intelectual level we are quite similar.
It all started one day, about mid-semester. We were chatting after class and he asked me if I would like to join him for lunch. I did, and we stayed there until 6:30pm. Then he drove me home. We would talk sometimes on FB but nothing personal or "weird", it's always very academic.
One day we all had to message him for a mark, which I did, and he answered telling me something about a song I had previously posted on my FB. We talked about music for about an hour then. The last day we talked (outside of class) he apologised for having read my message but not answering faster (he took about four days).
Lately, though, I feel like he has become a bit distant. I can't really ask him, but it's been playing on my mind. I don't know if it's because the semester has not ended yet or because he doesn't want to give me the wrong impression. In any case, I have been thinking about asking him to get coffee and have a chat we had pending (History related). Would that be too much, as it feels more like a date? I'm just incredibly confused
Any input is appreciated :)
TL;DR: | confused about whether my professor is just nice or he is genuinely interested in me, and if I should ask him out. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: What can I [F/20] do to help my mum [F/48] and our relationship?
POST: My Mum and I have never had an easy relationship. Despite loving each other to bits (no one is as important to me as she and my brother are), we have had more than our fair share of conflict. All our attempts to communicate with each other end in arguments so nothing ever gets resolved between us.
Since I have been away at university things have become even more tense. We are more emotionally alienated from each other than before, not least because of the physical distance between us.
For the past two years, I have been suffering from anxiety. Although my Mum knew I was having problems, I could not sufficiently communicate them to her. It was only a fortnight ago that I sent her an email explaining things better. Besides that, there are other things concerning both of us, such as my outstanding university work.
Yesterday I arrived home for Christmas and, I swear, you can cut the tension with a knife. We have barely spoken with each other and when we have, I have snapped at her (I don't mean to, I just feel so tense).
I want to reach out to my Mum but I don't know how. She is so temperamental and I cannot read her so I'm terrified of saying something that will make her angry or upset or cause an argument. It's really important to me that I don't ruin another holiday for us (especially not a Christmas one) or that I feel as though I can't wait to get back to university and escape again.
In addition to the issues between ourselves, I just get the feeling that my mum isn't very happy (the reasons for this I can only imagine are the usual - job and other interpersonal relationships but I fear there may be bigger issues underneath). I want for her to open up to me and for me to be able to make things better for her but I dont know how to approach the subject. I dont want her to think me intrusive or patronising.
I really want to make things better. I am sick of home not feeling like home.
TL;DR: | I love my mum to bits but things are so tense between us, how do I reach out to her and clear the air? Especially as we both have ongoing emotional issues? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I have heard many Redditors talking about how their girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with them, and told everyone a different story. Does anybody else have stories like this? [Resubmission; it was late at night]
POST: I'll go first. I was in the 5th grade, and a girl asked me out over Yahoo! Messanger. She said that lots of guys were after her and that I have to hurry with my decision; I said yes. The relationship went well for the first few days until she got a little too comfortable.
She kept slapping me in the face because that was her idea of playing/flirting. I told her to stop but as a kid, she didn't. I got tired of it and broke up with her. Ironically, she slapped me and stormed away. She started telling everyone that she broke up with me because I was ugly and kept slapping her...wow. All the girls at recess kept chasing me everyday and beating the living fuck out of me.
Later on, she tried to make me jealous by going out with my best friend and hugging him when I came around. She even wrote poems about me and read them to the class; "AculticFly is so ugly, he looks like the grinch. Blah, blah, blah." I didn't show any interest, so she cut my with a rusty bobby-pin then forced a hug on me, on the last day of school.
TL;DR: | Broke up with crazy girlfriend. She told everyone she broke up with me, and went psycho-bitch on me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [25/M] was in a minor car accident yesterday, and my wife's [25/F] response left me feeling insecure. Not sure how to respond.
POST: Backstory: Yesterday morning on my way to work, I got into a minor rear-end accident (fortunately no one was hurt). But sadly, it left the front of my cheap commuter car damaged to the point where it was not worth the cost of repair.
It wasn't too much to handle, and since my wife was at work for the day already, I decided not to tell her until she got home so as to not stress her out.
When she got home (I took the rest of the day off) and I told her what happened, her first reaction was concern for my well-being and that felt good. However...
About a half-hour later, I noticed that she was starting to text her parents about what happened. I asked her to hold on the text, since the dust was still settling, I was still processing what happened, and I did not feel comfortable letting anyone else we know (family/friends) what happened yet.
This was really hard for her to take--she told me she's an external processor and needs to talk to other people to work things through emotionally. That is a very core need for her, she said.
This is contradictory to my core need of feeling secure between the two of us as a couple, as a sanctuary from the world. To go and tell her parents less than a half-hour after I told her what happened, feels to me like a leak in an window. At least, I feel, give me a day or two to process things myself, between just the two of us, before we open it up to the world.
We're at a loss of how to resolve this between us. She feels resentful that she's giving in on her core need to process by talking things through with others, because I want her to wait a bit.
Also, she is mad at me for not telling her right after the accident happened and waiting instead until she got home.
So... how do I work with this? Am I expecting too much? I want to find balance.
Thanks for your perspective.
TL;DR: | Got into an accident. Didn't tell my wife until she got home from work, which she's mad about (I didn't want to stress her out). |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: DAE Want to Be a Vigilante With Me? (Serious Post)
POST: Long story short I have spent the better part of the morning on the phone with a lady friend who is in absolute shambles. Apparently last night her best friend confessed that she and her sisters were molested by a family member from early infancy until their early adolescence. What has my lady friend so upset is the fact that none of the girls have apparently spoken about this horrendous abuse to other family members or authorities. Another factor I find odd is that lady friend described her friend's demeanor as "not caring" when questioned about not speaking up about the abuse. If that is the case thought, this evil fuck has been walking around for decades molesting his OWN family. *slowly puts on Punisher T-shirt*
I've always tried to live by the whole mentality of "The only thing for evil to triump is for good men to do nothing" motto but what the hell do I do in this situation? I would love to don the Batman cowl and go kung-fu his ass right into a jail cell but short of lady friend's bff going to the authorities, what can be done? Is there a 1-800-Pedobear # to call? But seriously, if this monster did commit these horrible acts to these girls he needs to be behind bars for what he did.
TL;DR: | GF is super upset about friend's confession about decade long molestation by family member. Need advice on how to procede. Ultimate goal is to see the sick fuck behind bars. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by trying to not disturb a guest
POST: I'm a college student, and I had an essay deadline this morning. Naturally I was leaving it until the last minute as any good student should, so I pulled an all-nighter - and of course that involves taking on lots of energy drinks. Soon I reached the point where I needed a piss, and badly. On any other day I would have gone downstairs and used our toilet. But today was not any other day.
One of the guys I share a house with had a mate over, and he was staying on our downstairs sofa. I'd already disturbed him once when I went down to get the aformentioned drinks so I felt really guilty about disturbing him again, but I really needed a piss. I was contemplating going out of the window, or into the dehumidifier's water collection tray, when I remembered a post from r/AskReddit I'd see where a mother reported finding bottles of piss under her son's bed and a lightbulb went off.
As it happens, I have loads of water bottles lying about in my room, so I grab one, do my business and bin it. All well and good, but later in the evening I needed another piss. No problem - just use another water bottle! Once I filled this one, I stood up, reached for the cap for the bottle, but forgot the laws of physics and accidentally tipped it onto my laptop. My laptop with my work due in this morning on it... What the hell have I done?
I'm very greatful for synched online cloud storage - I didn't lose too much of my work and I was able to finish my essay on my spare old laptop that I had just for occasions like this. Gotta hope my main one isn't a writeoff though.
TL;DR: | Tried to be courteous and not wake up a guest sleeping on our sofa - ended up pouring a bottle of my own piss over my laptop. |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: Accused of providing Alcohol to a minor.. (DE)
POST: So a few weeks ago I (21M) met some friends and we hung out a few times. There was this girl who was pretty cool, she told me she was 18 and we started talking on Facebook. I joked around about buying her alcohol, and it was just really casual language.
So she was at my house one day and I was drinking some beer. I guess she took one, without my permission, and drank half of it. I took it from her when i found out.
Her mom calls me a few day's later, and it turns out she has some illness and is taking medication and she was actually 15, and i didn't know either of these things. Nothing sexual happened, an I tried explaining it to her but she didn't listen. She threatened to call the police if i didn't leave the girl alone, so i removed her from friends and deleted all messages between us.
2 weeks go by and her stepfather messages me this:
Now I don't have any records of what I sent to her; how much trouble can you get in if the event happened 2 weeks ago. She didn't tell her parents i did, but it might've came out over the messages but i don't remember.
TL;DR: | Can i be arrested for providing alcohol to a minor if the only evidence is a Facebook message, and the minor denies the alcohol? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: My neighbour has asked me to keep my cat in during the day, because he is agitating the neighbourhood dogs
POST: basically she called me up, had a massive whinge and is trying to guilt trip me into not letting my cat out during the day and keep him locked inside at all times, because she has a husband who is a shiftworker (he works away, presumably at a minesite, for 3 weeks then gets 1 week off etc) and apparantly a sick daughter, who constantly suffers from migraines.
apparantly my lil man [Pretzel] is constantly (and by her words purposefully) going round to their house and riling up the dogs so they bark nonstop. now i dont hear this at all btw. some morning i sit out the front with him, and watch him just roll in some dirt and eat some leaves before he gets bored and walks back inside. im not saying his presence does not make dogs go crazy, it probably does. but i digress. She tells me this non stop barking is dricing her husband insane, and that he cant sleep. also her daughters migraines are basically unbearable and there is not anything she can do about the pain.
however if i keep my cat inside all day, he gets shitty and takes it out on my stray [Cat Sith] as you can see there.
TL;DR: | being guilt tripped into locking my cat inside at all times, who wants to go outside, and has been doing so for almost his entire life. what do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Boyfriend [17m] turns 18 tomorrow. His nan [Not sure F] and mother [39F] are coming over. Do i [17F] have the right to leave due to their rudeness?
POST: Boyfriend and i have known each other since we were 15.
His mum is a controlling bitch (His words.) which has severely fucked up their relationship, and we're now living together due to her abusiveness.
His nan is just extremely rude, asking me constantly if i'm pregnant, if i say "No." I get "Well you look it."
She's constantly making little snide comments about my weight (I take after my dad's side of the family, who is big, i've lost a lot of weight due to going to the gym and dieting, but i still have a little to go). She complains that i do nothing, even though she actually hasn't been around me, or my house to know if i do anything or not.
They're coming over tomorrow for my boyfriend's 18th, and lately all SO and his mum have been doing is fighting. Knowing her, and how controlling / abusive she is, it's an 85% chance that she will completely fuck his day, he's said though, that if she even tries, he will immediately ask her to leave.
Is it right for me to want to not be there / actually not be there while his mother and nan are there due to their rudeness?
I want to be there to support my boyfriend, in case she does start a fight, but i really can't deal with their rude comments at the moment due to depression.
TL;DR: | Is it wrong for me to want to go out on my boyfriends 18th due to his rude nan and mother? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My SO [21M] of 2 years all of a sudden hates me [22F]
POST: My significant other of 2 years randomly started to be hateful towards me, telling me to go fuck off and whatnot. Nothing has changed, I'm very loyal and I love him dearly. He tells me to leave him alone, I understand his job is stressful, but when I ask, he says it's not because of me or because of work- he just simply wants to be left alone. I've left him alone to my best ability for several days now- and he still treats me with distaste and says some really hurtful things. I don't know what happened. I asked him if he was cheating and he got angry / defensive and said he didn't do shit and to go fuck myself. I don't know what is provoking such anger from him, but I've been so depressed because of this. I don't want to give up on him because I feel as if that would be me leaving him at his worst- but this emotional abuse is taking a toll on me. What should I do?
TL;DR: | Boyfriend of 2 years randomly told me to fuck off and for a couple of days now has been treating me like shit |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU By Getting My Girlfriend's Car Towed
POST: My girlfriend slept over at my apartment last night. She lives in dorms at university, and I live a few miles off campus. She drove her car to my place because otherwise we'd have to take the bus and no one likes the bus when there's alternative transportation.
Along the back fence of my complex there is a sign that says "Visitor Parking," so I assumed all parking along the back fence is free game for visitors. The spots immediately near the sign were all full, so I just said "Hey, park around the median, I'm pretty sure it's also visitor parking." So she parks and we go on our merry way up to my apartment.
We have a fun night and watch some episodes of master chef, cook burgers because we think we're master chefs now, watch a few doctor who episodes, and then go to sleep and stuff. We wake up in the morning. Watch Tarzan, and then decide we're gonna go get breakfast, so we get dressed and go down stairs.
We walk around the corner and I say "wait, where's your car." She points at a car that looks like hers and then says "wait, that's not my car."
Shit. We run to the office. Maybe there's been a mistake and that is actually visitor parking but the tow truck guy was confused!!
Nope. It's been towed. It's gonna cost over $200. Fuck.
She starts freaking out. I start freaking out. Neither of us have that kind of money to spare. She has the money, but it's not just spare money.
I drive her over to the impound. It's $219.30. Damn. I tell her I'll try and help pay her back when I get paid but she says it's fine.
I feel awful. I feel like it's my fault for telling her to park there. When I went back and looked at the sign, there are arrows pointing to where the "visitor parking" is. But they're black arrows, and hard to see in the dark.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend parks in non-visitor parking, is towed, is out $200. I still bought breakfast at Waffle House. |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: Good Job in a Field I'm not Interested in or Apply Normally and Hope to Get Something Else?
POST: Hi Everyone! I'm going to be graduating and I have a full-time position lined up for when I do. The company, pay, location are all good, but it's in a field I'm really not interested in. I don't know how much room for growth I would have either (in the industry as a whole). The job itself is a two year rotational program, so I can leave after two years without any issues.
Right now, I have an internship in an industry that I like a lot more. It's something that I can see myself doing for a long time.
The issue is that I don't know how likely it is for me to get a job after graduating. And the starting salaries for the field are about 20k less than my current offer. Also, I don't think that either industry is my end-goal, but for now it's a stepping stone.
I don't mind going with the rotational program and then transitioning to my preferred field, but would that be looked down upon? Would it even be possible, or would I get a bunch of questions about why I took the position?
TL;DR: | Take secure, stable job that I don't like very much or try to find a job in preferred field even if it's not going to be easy and there will be a pay cut. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Picking the Right Person for Marriage, Kids, Commitment
POST: I'm a 37 year old man who got too involved with his career a decade ago, blinked and realized he was nearly 40 and single. I decided to change my life.
While I never thought I wanted kids or to get married - in fact, I broke up with women in the past who wanted those things while I didn't - for the past 18 months or so I have come to realize that I might be wrong about that.
I don't know how to describe it beyond this: I feel what I think is an instinctual urge to have kids. The topic has strayed so far afield from "want" as to be laughable. It has nothing to do with "want". What I feel is more of a need.
As the last male in my line, it has taken me up until this point to feel this need to ensure that the line of my people continues. What's more, I feel a particular need to have a bunch of offspring.
Accepting that this is the case with me now was easy enough. But the bigger question is this: how do I figure out if a particular woman would be a good partner and a good mother?
Truth be told, I haven't dated in the last few years. I finally had enough a few years ago of the type of women I was dating and decided to just focus on other things. Looking back, that might have actually been the beginning manifestation of this: wanting to move beyond casual dating relationships and onto a very serious and permanent one for the purpose of having children. I didnt realize it at the time.
Anyhow, not knowing that type of woman - specifically, women who also wanted to have children and who weren't looking to just date - was a serious hurdle. In fact, it remains a serous hurdle. But as I'm not longer moving around all the time and have a far more stable life, I feel that may change.
TL;DR: | How do you pick the right woman for long term commitment, to give birth to and mother your future children, and where do you find such a person? |