arunma/shortjokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 11 215
"What's the difference between menstrual fluid and sand? You can't gargle sand."
"There should be an option on travel websites that let's you search for ""flights that are least likely to have noisy children""."
"My New Year's Resolution 1080p"
"I don't need a panic room; I can panic perfectly fine anywhere."
"Have you heard about the new line of Tampax with bells and tinsel? It's for the Christmas period."
"When that guy on the train woke up and stretched, I don't think he liked it when I scratched his head and said ""Who's a big kitty?!"""
"Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb crap"
"What do you call Nitrogen after the sunrises? Daytrogen."
"What did the Iraqi refugee say when he crossed the border? Iran!"
"Her: What brings you to speed dating? Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me."
"What, me? Lazy? Don't get me started."
"New York: The city that never sleeps. Berlin: The city that never sleeps until Sunday. Paris: The city that never sleeps alone."
"Which art piece won the Texas Muhammad cartoon contest? Two chalk outlines."
"Jesus Saves.... Moses invests."
"Not all women are good at multi-tasking I just saw one trying to talk on her phone, while flying through her car windscreen."
"I'll never understand why news reporters think they have to stand out in the rain or snow just to tell us it's raining or snowing."
"I've got 99 problems, which really bothers me since I've also got OCD and I prefer even numbers."
"Notice at Church: Don't leave your mobiles, purses, wallets, handbags, girlfriends unattended. Others may think it is an answer to their prayers."
"I'm only watching the royal wedding for the bishop. I've always wanted to see a person who only moves diagonally."
"What do gay horses eat? Heeeeeyyyyyyy"
"What is the best way to get called a ,""genius?"" ...by losing a billion dollars in business."
"How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister's chin"
"How to tell if you are gay 1. Have sex with another man 2. If you enjoyed it, you're gay 3. If you didn't, you're still gay"
"I just saw the Kardashian sisters and now I feel more Christmassy. Ho Ho Ho."
"[first date] Him: You're amazing! I'm having a great time! Me: I will fight you for the rest of this pizza."
"Who's this Rorschach guy... And why does he paint so many penises?"
"I heard they were going to fine bad drivers $100 on the spot. That's bit sexist, isn't it?"
"Who's the opposite of Willem Dafoe? Willem DaFriend."
"The toothbrush was probably invented in Arkensas Anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush."
"Donald Trump says he went to the University of Pennsylvania, but I could have sworn he went to Syracuse. Because he sure is an Orange Man."
"I hear that in Star Wars VIII they're going to introduce Han's perpetually depressed younger brother. His name is Y Solo."
"If I had a dollar for every time an idea got shot down in the meeting because ""We don't have the budget"", I would finally have the money to execute that idea."
"Why did the electric car finish the race early? It had a short circuit."
"I would be so ashamed if I had a kid who didn't want to be famous."
"parents, please remember to teach your children not to talk to strangers, you know how boring your children are"
"Wife: [holding old dog] I thought you took care of this yesterday Stormtrooper husband: looks out back to see gun marks all over the yard"
"Why did the lady stare at the orange juice? Because she thought it was telling her to concentrate!"
"Q: What do you call a snail on a ship? A: A snailor."
"adds lol to the end of a message to sound less mean"
"What is a chemists favourite type of music? Heavy Metals."
"Next time you're asked ""What's Up"" respond ""A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house."""
"Is this your 1st video conference call? Takes HUGE bong rip Holding it in umm no So you're aware we can see you? Cough what cough"
"NASA's Scott Kelly is back on Earth after spending a year in space He found out how many states Trump won and left again"
"Thank you, Student Loan, for getting me through college. I don't think I can ever repay you."
"There's 10 types of people in this world Those who understand binary, and those who don't."
"/r/Jokes just surpassed /r/AskReddit in users! I lie..."
"Whats worse than eating 10 oysters out of your girlfriends vagina? Realising you only put 9 in"
"What's the difference between a Malaysia Airline flight and Internet Explorer? None. Eventually, both of them are gonna crash."
"A man deserves a woman who he enjoys spending time with, who can fulfill his desires, and who can cook. But most importantly, he must make sure that these women never meet."
"knock knock ""Who's there?"" ""Dejav."" ""Dejav who?"" knock knock *edit : thanks a lot for appreciating the stupidity"
"Lost my first follower today. Funeral is Tuesday. Will be live tweeting. It's what he would have wanted."
"What did the Marvel character say when he attained full control of his Android's CPU and Kernel? I am Root."
"I am trisexual I'll tri sex with anyone"
"Justin Bieber's home has now been thoroughly searched, but police have uncovered no evidence of talent."
"Doctor: ""Your wife is in hospital!""... Me: ""...How is she?"" Doctor: ""I'm afraid she's critical"". Me: ""Oh, you get used to that...""."
"Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!"
"DYK Mozart never suffered from stress He always kept his composer."
"Why did the Mexican guy rob a train? He had a loco motive."
"I used to be in a band called 500Mb...... But we had to break up because we couldn't get a gig."
"What's Black & Rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre"
"Do you like oranges? Well I am bad at colloquialisms! How you like them oranges?!?!"
"What did the dragonball z fan say when he wanted to go to the toilet? I need to goku the toilet"
"I once dated a mortician... it didn't work out because I'm not that much of a mourning person. Though she was a real head-turner."
"How to get personal space If there's a lot of people, just yell ""Allahu Akbar"" for a rapid evacuation."
"Why is it called almond milk? ""Nut juice"" wasnt very popular."
"When I broke my back the doctor said I had to start sitting down to pee... Because I'm not allowed to lift anything over 25 pounds."
"my son is only in 4th grade but he snap chats at a 7th grade level"
"A guy called out over the radio that someone spilled chips at work... Turns out they were Flooritos."
"In which country are they refusing to use wi-fi and bluetooth? In wireland"
"At the store & asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around & looked them in the eyes and said, ""Make it 52"""
"The Declaration of Independence was NOT written in Philadelphia. it was written in ink"
"I carry a gun because I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by six."
"Is a pamphlet just a smaller pamph? What the heck is a pamph? People make no sense."
"Hi, I'm a high paid business consultant. I see you've named your business ""Dale's Paint Supplies"" but what if it was named ""Best Dog Memes"""
"I don't hate you, but if you we're drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck."
"I really don't understand why people think mayweather is so great I'd much rather have June weather"
"Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop? Poop"
"Why did the meatball chef get fired from the middle school cafeteria? They caught him stroganoff."
"Dad, how does it feel to have such a handsome son? I don't know son, ask your grandfather..."
"If I stop my car for you to walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knee's to chest b!tch , knee's to chest!!!"
"What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants and a dirty bus station? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean"
"What do you get when you cross a genius with a hooker? A fucking know it all!"
"My 2yr old pointed at my crotch and said, ""Big pee pee!"" I'm taking him with me everywhere I go from now on."
"A duck walks into rehab ""What're you here for?"" asks the desk lady. ""I'm addicted to quack."""
"If the opposite of ""pro"" is ""con""... Then what's the opposite of ""progress?"""
"And the Lord said unto John, ""Come forth and receive eternal life""... But John came fifth and had to eat the biscuit."
"I'm an old guy, and I fuck at least 3 super hot girls in their mid 20's every week I'm a student loan collector"
"What is the most popular social media form at Hogwarts? SnapeChat"
"Stephen Hawking walks into a bar... Bartender: ""Why the long face ?"""
"knock knock... ""knock,knock"" ""who is there?"" ""KGB"" ""KGB who?"" (you slap a person across the face)""we ask the questions around here"""
"Strap-on backwards spells No-parts."
"The best thing about going on a first date to the petting zoo is that if she doesn't put out there are still plenty of options."
"Two word joke Dwarf shortage"
"She has a coy pond. All the pretty fish swim away when you try to feed them."
"If H2O is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside? K9P"
"What was Hitler's favorite letter? Not z!"
"Did you hear about the gay german? Apparently he Adolf Hitler."
"What's E.T short for? He's got little legs"
"Did you know there is a Virus that turns fruits into vegetables? It's called AIDS."
"You can make jokes about anything, just not mexicans That's crossing the border!"

"What's the difference between menstrual fluid and sand? You can't gargle sand."

"There should be an option on travel websites that let's you search for ""flights that are least likely to have noisy children""."

"My New Year's Resolution 1080p"

"I don't need a panic room; I can panic perfectly fine anywhere."

"Have you heard about the new line of Tampax with bells and tinsel? It's for the Christmas period."

"When that guy on the train woke up and stretched, I don't think he liked it when I scratched his head and said ""Who's a big kitty?!"""

"Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb crap"

"What do you call Nitrogen after the sunrises? Daytrogen."

"What did the Iraqi refugee say when he crossed the border? Iran!"

"Her: What brings you to speed dating? Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me."

"What, me? Lazy? Don't get me started."

"New York: The city that never sleeps. Berlin: The city that never sleeps until Sunday. Paris: The city that never sleeps alone."

"Which art piece won the Texas Muhammad cartoon contest? Two chalk outlines."

"Jesus Saves.... Moses invests."

"Not all women are good at multi-tasking I just saw one trying to talk on her phone, while flying through her car windscreen."

"I'll never understand why news reporters think they have to stand out in the rain or snow just to tell us it's raining or snowing."

"I've got 99 problems, which really bothers me since I've also got OCD and I prefer even numbers."

"Notice at Church: Don't leave your mobiles, purses, wallets, handbags, girlfriends unattended. Others may think it is an answer to their prayers."

"I'm only watching the royal wedding for the bishop. I've always wanted to see a person who only moves diagonally."

"What do gay horses eat? Heeeeeyyyyyyy"

"What is the best way to get called a ,""genius?"" ...by losing a billion dollars in business."

"How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister's chin"

"How to tell if you are gay 1. Have sex with another man 2. If you enjoyed it, you're gay 3. If you didn't, you're still gay"

"I just saw the Kardashian sisters and now I feel more Christmassy. Ho Ho Ho."

"[first date] Him: You're amazing! I'm having a great time! Me: I will fight you for the rest of this pizza."

"Who's this Rorschach guy... And why does he paint so many penises?"

"I heard they were going to fine bad drivers $100 on the spot. That's bit sexist, isn't it?"

"Who's the opposite of Willem Dafoe? Willem DaFriend."

"The toothbrush was probably invented in Arkensas Anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush."

"Donald Trump says he went to the University of Pennsylvania, but I could have sworn he went to Syracuse. Because he sure is an Orange Man."

"I hear that in Star Wars VIII they're going to introduce Han's perpetually depressed younger brother. His name is Y Solo."

"If I had a dollar for every time an idea got shot down in the meeting because ""We don't have the budget"", I would finally have the money to execute that idea."

"Why did the electric car finish the race early? It had a short circuit."

"I would be so ashamed if I had a kid who didn't want to be famous."

"parents, please remember to teach your children not to talk to strangers, you know how boring your children are"

"Wife: [holding old dog] I thought you took care of this yesterday Stormtrooper husband: *looks out back to see gun marks all over the yard*"

"Why did the lady stare at the orange juice? Because she thought it was telling her to concentrate!"

"Q: What do you call a snail on a ship? A: A snailor."

"*adds lol to the end of a message to sound less mean*"

"What is a chemists favourite type of music? Heavy Metals."

"Next time you're asked ""What's Up"" respond ""A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house."""

"Is this your 1st video conference call? *Takes HUGE bong rip* *Holding it in* umm no So you're aware we can see you? *Cough* what *cough*"

"NASA's Scott Kelly is back on Earth after spending a year in space He found out how many states Trump won and left again"

"Thank you, Student Loan, for getting me through college. I don't think I can ever repay you."

"There's 10 types of people in this world Those who understand binary, and those who don't."

"/r/Jokes just surpassed /r/AskReddit in users! I lie..."

"Whats worse than eating 10 oysters out of your girlfriends vagina? Realising you only put 9 in"

"What's the difference between a Malaysia Airline flight and Internet Explorer? None. Eventually, both of them are gonna crash."

"A man deserves a woman who he enjoys spending time with, who can fulfill his desires, and who can cook. But most importantly, he must make sure that these women never meet."

"*knock knock* ""Who's there?"" ""Dejav."" ""Dejav who?"" *knock knock* *edit : thanks a lot for appreciating the stupidity"

"Lost my first follower today. Funeral is Tuesday. Will be live tweeting. It's what he would have wanted."

"What did the Marvel character say when he attained full control of his Android's CPU and Kernel? I am Root."

"I am trisexual I'll tri sex with anyone"

"Justin Bieber's home has now been thoroughly searched, but police have uncovered no evidence of talent."

"Doctor: ""Your wife is in hospital!""... Me: ""...How is she?"" Doctor: ""I'm afraid she's critical"". Me: ""Oh, you get used to that...""."

"Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!"

"DYK Mozart never suffered from stress He always kept his composer."

"Why did the Mexican guy rob a train? He had a loco motive."

"I used to be in a band called 500Mb...... But we had to break up because we couldn't get a gig."

"What's Black & Rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre"

"Do you like oranges? Well I am bad at colloquialisms! How you like them oranges?!?!"

"What did the dragonball z fan say when he wanted to go to the toilet? I need to goku the toilet"

"I once dated a mortician... it didn't work out because I'm not that much of a mourning person. Though she was a real head-turner."

"How to get personal space If there's a lot of people, just yell ""Allahu Akbar"" for a rapid evacuation."

"Why is it called almond milk? ""Nut juice"" wasnt very popular."

"When I broke my back the doctor said I had to start sitting down to pee... Because I'm not allowed to lift anything over 25 pounds."

"my son is only in 4th grade but he snap chats at a 7th grade level"

"A guy called out over the radio that someone spilled chips at work... Turns out they were Flooritos."

"In which country are they refusing to use wi-fi and bluetooth? In wireland"

"At the store & asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around & looked them in the eyes and said, ""Make it 52"""

"The Declaration of Independence was NOT written in Philadelphia. it was written in ink"

"I carry a gun because I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by six."

"Is a pamphlet just a smaller pamph? What the heck is a pamph? People make no sense."

"Hi, I'm a high paid business consultant. I see you've named your business ""Dale's Paint Supplies"" but what if it was named ""Best Dog Memes"""

"I don't hate you, but if you we're drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck."

"I really don't understand why people think mayweather is so great I'd much rather have June weather"

"Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop? Poop"

"Why did the meatball chef get fired from the middle school cafeteria? They caught him stroganoff."

"Dad, how does it feel to have such a handsome son? I don't know son, ask your grandfather..."

"If I stop my car for you to walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knee's to chest b!tch , knee's to chest!!!"

"What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants and a dirty bus station? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean"

"What do you get when you cross a genius with a hooker? A fucking know it all!"

"My 2yr old pointed at my crotch and said, ""Big pee pee!"" I'm taking him with me everywhere I go from now on."

"A duck walks into rehab ""What're you here for?"" asks the desk lady. ""I'm addicted to quack."""

"If the opposite of ""pro"" is ""con""... Then what's the opposite of ""progress?"""

"And the Lord said unto John, ""Come forth and receive eternal life""... But John came fifth and had to eat the biscuit."

"I'm an old guy, and I fuck at least 3 super hot girls in their mid 20's every week I'm a student loan collector"

"What is the most popular social media form at Hogwarts? SnapeChat"

"Stephen Hawking walks into a bar... Bartender: ""Why the long face ?"""

"knock knock... ""knock,knock"" ""who is there?"" ""KGB"" ""KGB who?"" (you slap a person across the face)""we ask the questions around here"""

"Strap-on backwards spells No-parts."

"The best thing about going on a first date to the petting zoo is that if she doesn't put out there are still plenty of options."

"Two word joke Dwarf shortage"

"She has a coy pond. All the pretty fish swim away when you try to feed them."

"If H2O is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside? K9P"

"What was Hitler's favorite letter? Not z!"

"Did you hear about the gay german? Apparently he Adolf Hitler."

"What's E.T short for? He's got little legs"

"Did you know there is a Virus that turns fruits into vegetables? It's called AIDS."

"You can make jokes about anything, just not mexicans That's crossing the border!"