arunma/shortjokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 11 215
"Biography of a voyeur He came, he saw, he came"
"I remember when people just wanted to date someone with personality..but noOoo, now everyone's gotta have multiple."
"In light of MLK day... African american culture has fought so hard not to have to sit at the back of the bus. But they still do anyway."
"What's ISIS's favourite song? Niggas in Paris"
"Did you know that in any given group, only 9/10 of people understand basic math? The other 3% doesn't."
"If I had to describe myself in one word... It would be, ""Unable to follow instructions."""
"What I don't understand is, how did Jabba the Hutt become so powerful? He's just a fat, lecherous crook. Wait"
"Did you hear the Joke they don't tell retards... No, Oh my bad."
"Why did the element Fluorine get a copyright strike? Because it was extremely reactive"
"What do you call a Vietcong that's been hit by napalm? Charlie Brown"
"When I was in 3rd grade my teacher smoking in the classroom told us not to tell well I'm telling you now"
"How do you know a black guy's been at your computer? It's not there."
"Crabs are amazing collectivistic creatures; they only use pubic transportation."
"OC that I came up with whilst daydreaming: Why is there no sofa in the forbidden kingdom? ... because Mao is more of a chair man!"
"OMG! It's colder than a pimps heart out here!"
"Canada's navy"
"Why are most reactionists black? Because stealing is the only thing they can do."
"Fired from my court room sketch artist job, for putting thought bubbles on people's heads saying ""The court room sketch artist is so hunky."""
"I used to have a friend who practiced acupuncture."
"Why do lesbians like radishes? Because they like to get their daikon."
"The first step of any project is to grossly underestimate its complexity and difficulty."
"What has 2 legs and bleeds a lot? Half a dog"
"What do gay men and ambulances have in common Both get loaded from the rear and go woop-woop!"
"A flying pig defecated on me today. I shit you not."
"At my funeral I want a dozen doves recaptured."
"My friend gave me a free dvd... but it's only Chinatown."
"A black man and a mexican are in a car. Who is driving? The police officer"
"Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer."
"What do you get if you cross history and a cow? A moo-suem."
"A man only wearing saran wrap pants... Walks into his doctors office. The doctor says: ""Well, I can clearly see your nuts."""
"What is a gay jew's favourite bank? Goldman Sach's"
"After his failed Presidential run, Bernie Sanders decides to write a book and finally endorses Hillary Clinton. The Clinton Foundation bought 10 million copies in advance."
"A joke I like my women like I like my coffee. Without a penis."
"I seriously hate it when a couple starts having an argument in front of you. They could have least waited until I got dressed and left."
"I'm not racist, but... >[deleted]"
"What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Their last hit was the wall."
"All of the other reindeer were secretly watching red-nose-on-regular-nose porn."
"What's the difference between a duck? One of it's legs is both the same."
"'Appearances can be deceiving' said my fortune cookie message; then I realized I've cracked open a snail."
"Paula Deen should create her own brand of butter called I Can't Believe It's Not 1860."
"Grammar Nazis see things only two ways The Reich way or the wrong way"
"A photon checks into a motel the clerk says, ""Do you have any luggage? If so, I can have the bell hop take it to your room."" The photon replies, ""No, I am traveling light!"""
"I have a Step-Ladder... I never knew my real ladder tho. :\"
"I can always tell by their eyes if someone is a primary school teacher They have small pupils....."
"Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog."
"The worst thing about being deaf is... when I masturbate, I can't hear anybody come in my room. Not even myself."
"What does an elephant say, looking at a naked man ? You can't breathe from it"
"Malaysia has some of the world's best magicians They make entire planes disappear."
"why is the bass player stuck outside? he doesn't know when to come in and can't find the right key anyway"
"Once you go black... ...you're a single mother"
"I told my wife not to turn her head away after giving me a blowjob, but she didn't listen. It went in one ear and out the other."
"ME: pointing gun Give me everything. WORKER: Sir, this is a pet shelter. ME: I know. carried off into the sunset by a wave of animals"
"[Lions watching a romantic comedy about humans] Why doesn't he simply mount her with no apparent warning?"
"Why do Chinese warriors die so easily in battle? No matter how much protective garments they wear, there's still a chink in the armor."
"two lesbians Lesbian 1: ""Hey! I finally found your dido!"" Lesbian 2: ""Great! I knew you had it in you!"""
"Man in fatigues w SONY written on his forehead has handcuffed me&my sons to radiator & is forcing us to watch 8th Spider-Man reboot in 3 yrs"
"Money doesn't grow on trees. Your move, multinational agricultural biotechnology corporations."
"Astronomy Professor: What causes a half-moon? Student: When you can't get your jeans over your thighs."
"Massive explosion at a French cheese factory, first responders say cause is still unknown. All that was left was de brie."
"What do you call a skeleton who just had anesthesia? A numbskull"
"What does a black person get after sex...??? A life sentence."
"If April showers bring May flowers, then what do May Flowers bring? Genocide"
"""One man's trash is another man's treasure"" is a great saying... But apparently a bad way to tell your kid they're adopted."
"I'm at my most James Bond when I charge past the guards, use my atomic laser, and open the safe** * 3 cats can opener * catfood can"
"TIL several states in the South banned calculus from schools in the 1950's. Apparently they opposed integration."
"Hello. It's me. I was wondering if after all this time you still had all the money you owe me."
"I just realized that my sex life is like my movie habits. I stick it in, lean back, and fall asleep halfway through."
"Mickey Mouse ""Doc, my knees hurt!"" Doctor: Which knee? Mickey: Disney"
"Sometimes I think we're all going to be okay. Other times I read Yahoo Answers."
"Just got my Facebook account suspended for reading a full article before I shared it."
"What is her Majesty the Queen's console of choice? The Royal Wii."
"What's 12 inches long and hangs in front of an ass? Donald Trump's tie."
"God is cruel God said that good lil wayne songs could be found in all corners of the Earth. Then he made the Earth round and laughed."
"What do black people get after death? Nigger Mortis"
"Einstein made a theory about space, And it was about time, too!"
"What's the difference between an amusement park and a pedophile? A pedophile doesn't have a height limit"
"What do you call a Kryptonian who loves popcorn? Kern-el"
"My wife was gang raped, impregnated and gave birth to a baby boy named Muhammed. Now they want to kill us for depicting the Prophet Muhammad."
"Perfect pitch is... ...when you throw an accordion into a dumpster and it hits a banjo."
"Boy born with no eyelids! The Dr. used the foreskin from the circumcision. Now the boy is cockeyed"
"Why did the hen win a Wild West duel between it and a Peacock? Hen shot first."
"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? Some obscure number you probably never heard of."
"A Buddhist monk goes to a hot dog stand The monk says, ""Make me one with everything."""
"What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman? Wait, I can explain everything!"
"Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?"
"SOMEONE LEFT THEIR DOGS IN THE CAR WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED UP -Ma'am, that's a pack of Ballpark All-Beef Franks. ITS 500 DEGREES IN THERE"
"Whenever I confront the messy baker I'm always walking on eggshells."
"What did one cop say to the other cop while investigating a crime scene at a farm? A rooster!"
"Why are Jews so good at making action movies? Shlo-mo."
"Broke up with my blind girlfriend She didn't see it coming"
"is this already a joke? Why don't pastry chefs buy taylor made cigarettes? Because they profiterole their own"
"What did one bunny say to the other bunny? ""There's a sale on at the carrot store!"""
"The Spicy Sausage by Delia Katessen"
"TIL That I Shouldn't have gone to law school, because everyone in /r/news already has their law degree"
"What did the RAM stick say to the politician? I'm PC2!"
"what do you call a play about victorian era menstruation? A period piece!"
"Calculus should be taught in every high school around the world. It is such an integral field of math."

"Biography of a voyeur He came, he saw, he came"

"I remember when people just wanted to date someone with personality..but noOoo, now everyone's gotta have multiple."

"In light of MLK day... African american culture has fought so hard not to have to sit at the back of the bus. But they still do anyway."

"What's ISIS's favourite song? Niggas in Paris"

"Did you know that in any given group, only 9/10 of people understand basic math? The other 3% doesn't."

"If I had to describe myself in one word... It would be, ""Unable to follow instructions."""

"What I don't understand is, how did Jabba the Hutt become so powerful? He's just a fat, lecherous crook. Wait"

"Did you hear the Joke they don't tell retards... No, Oh my bad."

"Why did the element Fluorine get a copyright strike? Because it was extremely reactive"

"What do you call a Vietcong that's been hit by napalm? Charlie Brown"

"When I was in 3rd grade my teacher smoking in the classroom told us not to tell well I'm telling you now"

"How do you know a black guy's been at your computer? It's not there."

"Crabs are amazing collectivistic creatures; they only use pubic transportation."

"OC that I came up with whilst daydreaming: Why is there no sofa in the forbidden kingdom? ... because Mao is more of a chair man!"

"OMG! It's colder than a pimps heart out here!"

"Canada's navy"

"Why are most reactionists black? Because stealing is the only thing they can do."

"Fired from my court room sketch artist job, for putting thought bubbles on people's heads saying ""The court room sketch artist is so hunky."""

"I used to have a friend who practiced acupuncture."

"Why do lesbians like radishes? Because they like to get their daikon."

"The first step of any project is to grossly underestimate its complexity and difficulty."

"What has 2 legs and bleeds a lot? Half a dog"

"What do gay men and ambulances have in common Both get loaded from the rear and go woop-woop!"

"A flying pig defecated on me today. I shit you not."

"At my funeral I want a dozen doves recaptured."

"My friend gave me a free dvd... but it's only Chinatown."

"A black man and a mexican are in a car. Who is driving? The police officer"

"Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer."

"What do you get if you cross history and a cow? A moo-suem."

"A man only wearing saran wrap pants... Walks into his doctors office. The doctor says: ""Well, I can clearly see your nuts."""

"What is a gay jew's favourite bank? Goldman Sach's"

"After his failed Presidential run, Bernie Sanders decides to write a book and finally endorses Hillary Clinton. The Clinton Foundation bought 10 million copies in advance."

"A joke I like my women like I like my coffee. Without a penis."

"I seriously hate it when a couple starts having an argument in front of you. They could have least waited until I got dressed and left."

"I'm not racist, but... >[deleted]"

"What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Their last hit was the wall."

"All of the other reindeer were secretly watching red-nose-on-regular-nose porn."

"What's the difference between a duck? One of it's legs is both the same."

"'Appearances can be deceiving' said my fortune cookie message; then I realized I've cracked open a snail."

"Paula Deen should create her own brand of butter called I Can't Believe It's Not 1860."

"Grammar Nazis see things only two ways The Reich way or the wrong way"

"A photon checks into a motel the clerk says, ""Do you have any luggage? If so, I can have the bell hop take it to your room."" The photon replies, ""No, I am traveling light!"""

"I have a Step-Ladder... I never knew my real ladder tho. :\"

"I can always tell by their eyes if someone is a primary school teacher They have small pupils....."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog."

"The worst thing about being deaf is... when I masturbate, I can't hear anybody come in my room. *Not even myself.*"

"What does an elephant say, looking at a naked man ? You can't breathe from it"

"Malaysia has some of the world's best magicians They make entire planes disappear."

"why is the bass player stuck outside? he doesn't know when to come in and can't find the right key anyway"

"Once you go black... ...you're a single mother"

"I told my wife not to turn her head away after giving me a blowjob, but she didn't listen. It went in one ear and out the other."

"ME: *pointing gun* Give me everything. WORKER: Sir, this is a pet shelter. ME: I know. *carried off into the sunset by a wave of animals*"

"[Lions watching a romantic comedy about humans] Why doesn't he simply mount her with no apparent warning?"

"Why do Chinese warriors die so easily in battle? No matter how much protective garments they wear, there's still a chink in the armor."

"two lesbians Lesbian 1: ""Hey! I finally found your dido!"" Lesbian 2: ""Great! I knew you had it in you!"""

"Man in fatigues w SONY written on his forehead has handcuffed me&my sons to radiator & is forcing us to watch 8th Spider-Man reboot in 3 yrs"

"Money doesn't grow on trees. Your move, multinational agricultural biotechnology corporations."

"Astronomy Professor: What causes a half-moon? Student: When you can't get your jeans over your thighs."

"Massive explosion at a French cheese factory, first responders say cause is still unknown. All that was left was de brie."

"What do you call a skeleton who just had anesthesia? A numbskull"

"What does a black person get after sex...??? A life sentence."

"If April showers bring May flowers, then what do May Flowers bring? Genocide"

"""One man's trash is another man's treasure"" is a great saying... But apparently a bad way to tell your kid they're adopted."

"I'm at my most James Bond when I charge past the guards*, use my atomic laser**, and open the safe*** * 3 cats ** can opener *** catfood can"

"TIL several states in the South banned calculus from schools in the 1950's. Apparently they opposed integration."

"Hello. It's me. I was wondering if after all this time you still had all the money you owe me."

"I just realized that my sex life is like my movie habits. I stick it in, lean back, and fall asleep halfway through."

"Mickey Mouse ""Doc, my knees hurt!"" Doctor: Which knee? Mickey: Disney"

"Sometimes I think we're all going to be okay. Other times I read Yahoo Answers."

"Just got my Facebook account suspended for reading a full article before I shared it."

"What is her Majesty the Queen's console of choice? The Royal Wii."

"What's 12 inches long and hangs in front of an ass? Donald Trump's tie."

"God is cruel God said that good lil wayne songs could be found in all corners of the Earth. Then he made the Earth round and laughed."

"What do black people get after death? Nigger Mortis"

"Einstein made a theory about space, And it was about time, too!"

"What's the difference between an amusement park and a pedophile? A pedophile doesn't have a height limit"

"What do you call a Kryptonian who loves popcorn? Kern-el"

"My wife was gang raped, impregnated and gave birth to a baby boy named Muhammed. Now they want to kill us for depicting the Prophet Muhammad."

"Perfect pitch is... ...when you throw an accordion into a dumpster and it hits a banjo."

"Boy born with no eyelids! The Dr. used the foreskin from the circumcision. Now the boy is cockeyed"

"Why did the hen win a Wild West duel between it and a Peacock? Hen shot first."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? Some obscure number you probably never heard of."

"A Buddhist monk goes to a hot dog stand The monk says, ""Make me one with everything."""

"What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman? Wait, I can explain everything!"

"Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?"

"SOMEONE LEFT THEIR DOGS IN THE CAR WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED UP -Ma'am, that's a pack of Ballpark All-Beef Franks. ITS 500 DEGREES IN THERE"

"Whenever I confront the messy baker I'm always walking on eggshells."

"What did one cop say to the other cop while investigating a crime scene at a farm? A rooster!"

"Why are Jews so good at making action movies? Shlo-mo."

"Broke up with my blind girlfriend She didn't see it coming"

"is this already a joke? Why don't pastry chefs buy taylor made cigarettes? Because they profiterole their own"

"What did one bunny say to the other bunny? ""There's a sale on at the carrot store!"""

"The Spicy Sausage by Delia Katessen"

"TIL That I Shouldn't have gone to law school, because everyone in /r/news already has their law degree"

"What did the RAM stick say to the politician? I'm PC2!"

"what do you call a play about victorian era menstruation? A period piece!"

"Calculus should be taught in every high school around the world. It is such an integral field of math."