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derek-thomas

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yeyieq

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OOP - I hate my best friend but I'm going to be her bridesmaid.

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[deleted]

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yeykbl

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OOP - I saw my husband and my sister naked in my kitchen.

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[deleted]

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yezvd7

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"I'm losing my fiancé because I did something against her wish" + Updates

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pthepuff

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yf1ubw

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Accused of theft with receipt in hand

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Kevinvl123

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yf5uhh

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My employee drastically changes her appearance in the middle of the workday

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dragonsgirl8

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yf6dz6

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I’m losing my fiancé because I did something against her wish

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yf6zv6

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My husband has been lying about our finances and we are fucked

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agent23b

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yf7ntg

# I AM NOT OP. THE OOP IS u/Sad_Dad_Throwaway00. The first post was on [r/Advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/) and the update was on [r/EntitledPeople](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/). Mood spoiler: >!Bittersweet ending for OOP, bad ending for OOP's son and his now ex-fiancée.!< Flairing as concluded, >!unless OOPs son or the ex strike back or reconcile.!< [**Original post: My son stole his dead mother's ring for his girlfriend, and now he won't talk to me after making him return it**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/xx2rvp/my_son_stole_his_dead_mothers_ring_for_his/) **Posted Oct 06, 2022, 06:21 AM** To say I was mad as hell would be an understatement. I (46M) have a son Jake (23M & Fake Name). Jake was a good kid growing up. So him doing this was a complete shock to me. I have a daughter too, Amber (16F & Also Fake Name). When my wife passed away from Covid nearly two years ago, she already had a will in place. She was immunocompromised due to a prior condition she was diagnosed with a decade before she passed. And she made sure she had a will set just in case anything happened to her. And in said will she divided her assets between our children. And Jake got his cut as he was already 21. He used that money to put a down payment on a condo, and he also got his mother's car. But the will stated that my daughter was to get all of my wife's jewelry. That included a vintage gold ring with a diamond that had a light blue sapphire on each side of it. That ring has been passed down for generations in my wife's family. It was originally her grandmother's wedding band. Her husband was a jeweler and hand crafted the ring for her himself. And it was passed down to my wife's mother when her grandmother died, and then to my wife herself when her mother passed. And it along with the other jewelry was to all go to my daughter. When my wife passed away, my grief was intense. But I powered through it for the sake of my family. And they supported me 100%. So the betrayal from my son was just a rusty knife in the back to me. For the past eight months Jake has been dating Sara (Fake name). She has my son wrapped around her finger. And she loves jewelry as she adorns herself with it a lot. My son mentioned the family jewels my wife left his sister to Sara one day, and Sara really wanted to see them. So Jake went into my room when no one was home and showed them to her. He later admitted to me that he'd done this, and I was angry. But I thought that would be the end of it. I was wrong. Jake came to me a week ago and begged for that ring from his mother's family jewels so that he could propose with it. He said Sara had fallen in love with the ring when she saw it before, and he just knew it'd be the perfect ring to ask her to marry him with. He seemed completely convinced I'd be jumping for joy for him wanting to propose. But instead, I told him that I was not the one to ask as the ring belongs to Amber. And I wouldn't have him pressuring her to give it up it either. For a fair chance, I'd allow him to explain his reasons and ask her for it once. But only once. Without pressuring her. And if she refuses for any reason, that will be the end of it. Jake agreed and asked Amber for the ring right in front of me. But she told him no because she wanted to keep it in the family jewels, and has always loved that ring. To her, it's priceless. She couldn't bear to ever give it up. I told Jake that was that, and to not press the matter further. Jake left looking very unhappy about not getting the ring. But I thought he'd let it go and look into finding a similar one. But he came back another day while I was at work to talk to his sister after she got home from school. He and Amber got into a huge fight about the ring and Amber called me crying. I called Jake and told him to get out of my house and leave his sister alone. Jake yelled at me that he should have just as much right to the ring as his sister, because my wife was his mother too. But I reminded him he got a lot of his mother's money, and her car. The jewelry is Amber's, and only hers. He hung up on me and Amber soon texted me that he left very angry. Later right before I left work, my daughter called and told me that Jake came back. He walked in dressed in a suit, went into my room and took something. Then left without saying anything to Amber. She tried to keep him from leaving, but he shoved her out of the way. I rushed home as soon as my shift was over and checked my wife's jewelry box. The ring was gone. I immediately called Jake, but he didn't answer. So I messaged him that I'll get police involved if he doesn't return the ring. Using it to propose won't stop me from taking it back. That finally made him talk to me, and he tried to say that I couldn't do that to him because he's my son. I said I can and will because he outright stole the ring. And he'd better bring it back right away, or I would take drastic measures. Well he phoned me right after that, and in a whisper he said that it was too late. He'd taken his girlfriend out to dinner and proposed to her with the ring. He hadn't had it for more than an hour by this point. Yet the ring was already on her finger. I said that was his problem. He stole the ring, he can bring it back. It's not his, and I will do whatever it takes to make sure it's returned. And if that means going to police and blowing the whole situation up, then so be it. I'll file a report, I'll even get a lawyer. Jake started crying and saying I couldn't do this to him. I told him tough luck. He stole from both his sister and dead mother. I would not back down until the ring was returned. Jake wouldn't stop crying and making excuses. So I told him to have the ring back by morning, or I would be moving forward with legal action. Jake is my son, but he still broke the law. And I couldn't overlook what he did. He said he'd be by in the morning to talk, and ended the call while crying even more. Well Jake did show up in the morning, and brought his girlfriend with him to try and guilt us. Turns out she not only knew he stole the ring, she wanted to keep it anyway. Because she was completely in love with the ring since she first laid eyes on it. I told her I didn't care. She could have a jeweler make a copy of it or something. But the original doesn't belong to her, it belongs to my daughter and deceased wife. Jake begged me one more time not to make her give it back. But I and my daughter stood firm. Return the ring or face police and maybe even a potential lawsuit. Jake's girlfriend pulled the ring off her finger and dropped it in my daughter's hands, called me an evil bastard, then left my house in tears. Jake started screaming at me that I may have just destroyed his relationship. I retorted him that he did this to his own relationship by stealing a ring that didn't belong to him. What kind of son steals from his own sister and dead mother? That is beyond terrible! Jake had nothing more to say to me and walked out to follow after his girlfriend. I didn't get anyone else involved in the situation. But Jake did. He tried getting support from friends and family. But he got the exact opposite reaction he'd hoped for. They were all mad at him over what he'd done. I got many phone calls and message from people offering me condolences and saying they were not on Jake's side. I tried to do damage control. But now everybody knows. It's been a week now, and Jake's refused to speak to me. I've sent him detailed pictures of the ring, just in case he wanted a jeweler to replicate it. But making a copy would be very expensive unless he used fake stones. And thus far there has been no response. I don't know what the situation is with his girlfriend. If she even still is his girlfriend after what happened. But I still stand by the fact that Jake had to return the ring. I have since had all my wife's jewelry placed in a safety deposit box that only I have access to. And the jewelry will remain there until my daughter is 21. And may even stay there if she wants to keep it safe that way. I know I'm in the right to have reclaimed the ring. However I don't want my son to hate me. And I don't want the family to hate him. If anyone has any advice as to how to better mediate this situation without me giving away the ring or spending a lot of money, I'm all ears. Edit: Fixed a slight name mix-up. ***OOPs comments:*** >*There’s a lot going on here. First, I think your son is grieving and is using the ring as a way to connect to the motherly energy. He’s giving it to a woman he admires, and feels like he is passing along a piece of his mom. I think after it blows over, maybe having a talk about mom with him. Even if it’s over thanksgiving, set a place for her at the table, start a conversation about her memory. 2 years isn’t a lot of time to grieve. I don’t think Jake is really being himself right now. He also is not with the best person, maybe in his grief he reached out to someone who wouldn’t be a good match for him because he needs the emotional turbulence to feel something. I don’t see it lasting.* *Second, I thought of an interesting idea. Could you take the ring to a jeweler, and have them make a duplicate? So when he’s ready to propose to whomever, you can tell him you have a ring for him to give to the woman. Engrave the inside with his moms initials. Just a thought.* **OOPs response:** I've already suggested he duplicate the ring and sent him pictures. He's not responded. And there's no way I'm giving him the money to copy the ring after what happened. *I'm not a parent but if I had kids and was in your situation, I would have done the same. You have done 1000% the right thing.* *Give him time. One day he will see what he has done and apologise to you and your daughter. The GF sounds like a selfish brat.* **OOPs response:** I don't know much about Jake's girlfriend. But she does seem spoiled and toxic to me. I held my tongue before for his sake. But I can't anymore. Not after this. > >*Change the locks on your house.* **OOPs response:** Good idea. I will. > >*What your son did was awful. Amber will never be able to use the ring now without it holding these memories to it. You can’t give it to her one day fiancé to use because it’s now been tarnished. That’s what he did. And you won’t be able to make amends with him until he ditches the gold digger. And your family will not make amends with him until he’s free of that disgusting pig of a gf.* **OOPs response:** My daughter has told me she has no intention of ever wearing the ring or using it. She wants to keep it preserved and stored away. Though you are right, there will be some bad memories attached to it now. But I think my daughter is more concerned with it being a keepsake of her mother, rather than what her brother wanted it for. [**Update post: (Update) My son stole his dead mother's ring for his girlfriend, and is now blaming me for his relationship ending**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/y74e26/update_my_son_stole_his_dead_mothers_ring_for_his/) **Posted Oct 18, 2022, 06:25 AM** Over a week ago I sought advice in another subreddit. Original is here LINK Well my son's girlfriend Sara has officially broken up with him. He's devastated and blaming me. Some previously pointed out that I gave him too much credit in saying he was a good kid. He used to be. But the person he is now, I just do not recognize. Whether he was always like this deep down, or if he just fell for the wrong person and let her change him for the worse is a mystery to me. But it doesn't justify what he did. After I forced him and Sara to return the stolen ring, she apparently spent days crying in bed, then told Jake that she didn't want a different ring no matter how much he told her he'd get her another one. She wanted my deceased wife's ring. And she couldn't imagine possibly having a different one for their engagement now that it had already been on her hand. Even though it was only for a few hours and stolen. The last time I met someone who cried that much about being made to return stolen property, they were four years old. I heard more than one person say they thought Sara was being a big baby about it. The situation was no secret because Jake spilled the beans looking for support to the whole family and his/Sara's friends. As previous readers know, that backfired badly for them. Well after Jake's failed gambit for support, all the local drama lovers latched onto the situation like barnacles to a boat. And they kept messaging me with more information, even though I wasn't asking. So I was being kept in the loop even though Jake and Sara weren't talking to me. My son had the pictures I sent him so that he could try and replicate the ring, and took them to a jeweler. The jeweler said he could make a similar ring based on the pictures. But he'd want to closely examine the original and take proper measurements to make an evaluation of the stones and metal in order to see what it'd take to make as close of a copy as possible. Jake waited for a while before swallowing his pride to call me again. His girlfriend was finally at least entertaining the idea of making a copy. But she wanted it to be an EXACT copy, down to the smallest detail. They called me a couple days after I made my original post and asked me to bring the ring to a jeweler to get a proper quote on the cost of making a duplicate. I agreed to take an extended lunch break and meet at the local jeweler. I got the ring from the safety deposit box and guarded it closely. I could see Sara's eyes light up with greed the moment she saw it again. She reached her hand out and asked to wear it just one more time, then pouted like a child when I told her no. For all I knew she'd take off running the second she had it. The jeweler looked at the ring very closely for a little while, and said it was worth more than we thought. And to copy it would cost a lot. The ring was decades old, and expertly crafted by my wife's grandfather some time in the 1940s . The jeweler singed it's praises even. The diamond and sapphires were decently large for an engagement ring, and the ring itself didn't use a slim gold band, but a pretty thick and heavy one made of what was estimated to be 18 karat gold. But there was more. The stones themselves were set in platinum, and the ring had many ornate floral carvings on it. The stones alone needed to make an identical ring was more than Jake's current budget. And not including antique value, making a copy of a ring like that with that variety of materials would cost a lot in time and labor because every part of it would have to be hand crafted. If was five times what Jake had saved. The best he could have done would be to make a down payment and then spend years in debt. Sara enthusiastically wanted Jake to have the ring made anyway. But the cost was just too much. So the jeweler suggested they have one made that just looks the same. It didn't need to be made of the exact same materials. They could use a center stone that just looked similar to diamond, and replace the platinum with a similar metal I can't remember the name of. But it would have reduced cost by a lot. There was also a suggestion of looking for a modern ring that looks similar that's already made. Which would be far cheaper as well. In fact the Jeweler already had three rings set aside that all looked somewhat similar with a central diamond and sapphires. And all very reasonably priced. Jake was all for either idea when Sara suddenly slapped him while calling him a cheap broke-ass wannabe. Then turned on her heel to me and called me an evil bastard again for taking the original ring back because it had already been given to her when Jake proposed, and should still be hers regardless. Then she held up her hand in the manor one does when they expect you put a ring on their finger, and outright demanded the ring back while saying it was her right to wear it, and that my daughter wouldn't need it because it'd go to waste with her. She actually said it's not like my daughter would be doing the proposing to anyone since a man could just get a different ring for her some day. Oh boy did that make me angry! And she clearly noticed because she took a couple of steps back. I looked her dead in the eye and said that my wife's family ring will NEVER be hers. It wasn't Jake's to give away. And he knew it. That's why he went out of his way to steal it while I wasn't home. Because he hoped I wouldn't demand it back if he used it. But neither he nor she ever had a right to it. Then I said that it's entitled people like her that are what's wrong with the world now. She acts like whatever she wants should be handed to her. And she's lusted after my wife's ring ever since Jake first showed it to her. That whole speech was a bit long-winded with some conjecture, I know. But I just couldn't hold myself back verbally anymore. My wife used to tell me that if I wanted to insult someone, I always figured out exactly what to say. After I said all of that to Sara's face, she aimed to slap me too. But I guess the look in my eyes was enough to make her turn away and storm out instead while while very loudly making some sort of unintelligible tantrum noises that hurt my ears. She even intentionally knocked down a counter display on her way out. Jake was glaring at me with absolute rage, but didn't say anything until I asked him why he was with this awful woman. And he just said that he loved her and followed after. To his credit, she is very beautiful. But it's really just skin deep. Sara wouldn't talk to Jake for a while, and then a few days later told him they were through because she felt like he didn't value her enough to get her the ring she deserved, and that she couldn't imagine having a miser like me as a father-in-law. She said she felt thoroughly humiliated by me. And cried that people all think she's a gold digger now. But I don't think they are wrong. I mean, she slapped my son just for suggesting they make a cheaper version of an expensive ring he could not afford. Then threw a massive tantrum just because I wouldn't hand over the original when she demanded it. That's the behavior of a gold digger if I've ever seen any. And while it is an assumption on my part, exactly how long would Sara have stayed with my son if someone rich came along and swept her off her feet? Would she have been inclined to still stand by him? Something tells me not so. I honestly feel like she just wanted the ring and nothing else. Right after the incident with the breakup, Jake did try to get in my house again while I wasn't home. To do what I have no idea. But if I were to speculate, he may have been after the cash in my gun-safe, or thought the family jewels were still in the house. I hadn't told him at that point that I'd had them stored away in a deposit box. And I really didn't want to think my own son would break in for either of those reasons. But he stole from us once. He could do it again. Someone here suggested I replace the locks on my house, and I did. So Jake's key would no longer work. I'm looking into getting cameras put in now too. My daughter Amber called me after Jake showed up and said she was terrified while he was banging on the front door and demanding to be let in. I called his cell and he didn't pick up. But I guess it spooked him because Amber said he left right after his phone started ringing. He has a set ringtone for me. So he knew it was me calling in an instant. Jake called later that evening, but before he could start yelling at me, I demanded to know what the hell he was doing trying to break into my house while I wasn't home earlier. He scared his sister and she nearly called police. Jake dodged the question by being angry about me changing the locks because I don't trust him. I said, damn right I don't trust him. Not after what he did. Jake fired back that I couldn't just be happy for him. And that if his mom was still alive, she'd have wanted him to use the ring to propose. I saw red and said that if she wanted that, she'd have willed it to him! So he began whining and saying it was all my fault. He explained exactly what Sara said when she broke up with him, and how she called me a miser, among other things. Then ranted about how I always thought Sara was never good enough for him. But I pointed out he was putting words in my mouth. I never said she wasn't good enough for him. I barely knew Sara. And I never once got in the way of him being with her till he stole the ring. He tried to deny that. But I asked him when I'd ever said anything bad about Sara prior to the ring incident. He really sounded like he was thinking hard. But even he couldn't remember any actual time because I barely saw this woman ever while they were dating. I wasn't even aware they were dating till at least three months had gone by in their relationship. But that was all beside the point. What the hell was he trying to get into my house for this time! He refused to answer. So I answered for him. I said if he was after the ring, or any of the other family jewels. They've been moved to a secure safe location only I have access to. And if he was trying to break into my safe for my emergency cash fund, there's no way he'd get it open. Or if he was there to do any sort of harm to his sister, I'd kick his ass myself. I may have hit the nail in the head with at least one of those things, because Jake just had a long silent pause on the line. Then he told me he's made up his mind to put in for a transfer at his job and sell his condo. He wants to move as far away as possible and never speak to me again. His last words to me were to have a nice life with my favorite child. I don't understand how my son has so completely changed on this level in just a year. I never actually called Sara a manipulative gold digger until recently. I said she had my son wrapped around her finger and she loves jewelry. Though I guess that's not all that different in the long run. But in truth she 'is' a manipulative gold digger. Especially after the drama act she put on to try and keep a ring that was never hers. I mean she spent days in bed crying over a ring she knew was stolen. And then had her huge tantrum at not being able to get it back or copy it. And now because of her, my son has chosen to wash his hands of me and his sister altogether. I am devastated. But at the same time furious that my son would do such things just to appease this witch of a woman he'd only been dating eight months. That's not enough time dating before proposing. I dated my wife for over two years before popping the question. I shudder to think what things would have been like if that witch had married my son. I know Jake is going to blame me for a long time. And I'm not sure if we'll ever speak again. I hope one day we can reconcile. But for now I think we need time apart. Amber is also very upset. She's extremely thankful I got the ring back for her. But she's just as shocked as I was that Jake has become like he is now. And she's referring to him as a brute for how he shoved her aside when he stole the ring, and also calling him a simp. Whatever that means. Thankfully she has a great support system with me and the rest of the family. Something I know Jake doesn't have right now. Multiple family members have called or messaged him to tell him off. And his now former best friend even came to me to apologize. He and Jake got in a nasty fight over what he'd done. And when his own best friend since elementary school didn't see things from his side, Jake cut him off too. Jake's ex girlfriend Sara also got in trouble with her own family. Her parents contacted me to ask for my side of the story and then apologized for their daughter's behavior. They only knew a small bit of what happened. But were appalled to hear about the way she'd acted. Like Jake, they said she used to be a much kinder person. But in the past few years she's changed so much. They are severely disappointed in her. They were also covering half of the rent to her current apartment, and are now telling her that when her lease is over, they will not be renewing it with her. She can either pay the full rent herself, or look for somewhere else to live. And now she's going around cursing my name and saying this is all my fault. What is it with people these days? It's like ever since all those memes about entitled people on the internet have exploded, it just made more people like them. When I was Jake's age, I only saw people like that on rare occasions. Now they're everywhere. I've seen two in the local supermarket this year even. And they're spreading their toxicity like a flood on the world. I can only hope one day my son comes to his senses and finds happiness again. Whether or not he chooses to speak with me ever again. I'll hold out hope he'll one day return to being the kind person he once was. ***OOPs comments:*** >*That’s incredibly sad for you. All I am imagining is Sara knew he bought his own condo, which is a big deal at that age, and probably though he had plenty of money.* *Then he bragged about the family jewelry to impress her and it just escalated. At least he isn’t selling the condo to buy the ring!!* **OOPs response:** I've already suggested he duplicate the ring and sent him pictures. He's not responded. And there's no way I'm giving him the money to copy the ring after what happened. *I'm not a parent but if I had kids and was in your situation, I would have done the same. You have done 1000% the right thing.* *Give him time. One day he will see what he has done and apologise to you and your daughter. The GF sounds like a selfish brat.* **OOPs response:** You make a good point on that. *She's gonna get back with your son because he owns his place so no rent. Or he's going to sell it and she's going to milknthe cash out of him and leave when its gone. He will not have a house or anything else of value. He will come reconcile with you then. And you as a father will accept it. And help him. Because even though he's a stupid fucking kid, he's YOUR stupid fucking kid.* **OOPs response:** He doesn't own the condo outright. The money he was willed from his mother was used for a down payment. He's paying a mortgage. But yeah, he would stand to make a profit by flipping the condo if he really does sell it. > >*Some plants take longer to grow, it might be a good idea to let him know he can always talk to you or Visit. Sooner or later he will come to his senses, in many ways his brain is still developing, itndoesnt stop until age 25 allegedly. Seen plenty of guys act like kids until they're 30, even then, some still act like kid.* **OOPs response:** Some plants also turn into vegetables. I know he's my son. But the stupid and narcissistic way Jake acted may be who he truly was on the inside his whole life. And other people like that I've met did not do well in life one way or another. > >*Question: Both you and Sara’s parents are describing massive shifts in your kids’ behavior. Is it possible the two of them are on drugs?* **OOPs response:** It is possible. I have thought about that. But if not, then it's just one of the worst personality shifts I've ever seen. Sara I would have to say is a bit more understandable as her parents seem decently well off. My guess is Sara liked the finer things in life and couldn't get them as much on her own. And kids often don't have to play nice anymore once they move out. People have told me many times that when someone shows you who they really are, believe them. > >*Maybe you should have secretly had a cheap replica made prior to the meltdown after the ring was originally stolen. Then he could have given her what she deserved and thought she wanted.* **OOPs response:** That thought did cross my mind. However the original is in a very secure place now. And Jake knows it. Not much point in having a cheap replica when he won't bother looking for it. And if he were to steal said fake, I feel like he'd just blame me for it. > >*Well A simp means a person who will do whatever it takes to gain the love for who they love (specifically in romantic relationships, or one sided relationships like Celebrities and Fans).* *And I may not have the rights to say it but you did the right thing , tho if Sara or your son ever find this story they'll probably do something about it.* **OOPs response:** I see. That does make sense. Thank you. REMEMBER, I AM NOT OOP, THE CONTENT ON THIS POST DOES NOT BELONG TO ME. OOP IS u/Sad_Dad_Throwaway00 .

OOP's son and fiancée fighting for family jewels.

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criesinpisces

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yf7ntg/oops_son_and_fiancée_fighting_for_family_jewels/

yfd4bw

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Blocked For No Reason, Toxic Friendship….

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AdhesivenessFeeling4

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yfefm1

[Original and update is an edit at the end](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y97qjo/aita_for_not_supporting_my_fiances_kid_brother/) **I AM NOT OP , original post made 7 days ago (21st october 2022)** trigger warning:>! the fiancé hates cats as stated in the last line!< ​ This is really something I never thought I'd be posting about but I don't know how to deal with this. My fiancé Derek and I are both in our late 20's, and we're childfree. No kids, no plans on kids. He supported me through getting my bachelors and nursing school, and now I'm supporting him through college. We live in a moderately cramped studio apartment, and are saving for a down payment on a nice house outside of the city. Derek's dad and stepmother, his half-brothers mother, both died in a pretty horrific accident that I dont want to name or specify on for privacy reasons. I'm trying to do my best to support Derek through this, and I've taken over funeral planning. His dad and step mother were both broke, and I'm currently paying for the funeral out of pocket, no one else in his family can contribute. Since the accident his brother, (12), has been at their aunt's house. He hates it there. Apparently he has to sleep on the floor and she has five young kids that she makes him babysit. I really feel for the kid, I'm sure it's absolutely awful. Derek want's to have his brother move in with us, but I'm not comfortable sharing a room with this 13 year old boy I've met twice. I also don't want to support him, thats at least a six year commitment that I never signed up for. I don't even want kids. Derek has suggested we move into a bigger apartment, but our studio is about as cheap as it gets in this city. We lucked out and have been here for five years and the landlord has never raised the rent. If we move it'll probably cost around 3k to move, and an extra 1k$ per month at least. Not to mention an extra mouth to feed, school clothes and supplies to buy, etc. It doesn't feel fair to me at all, and I feel like Derek is using the fact that he supported me for four years against me. Yes he supported me, but it was a lot cheaper to pay for two people in a studio apartment rather than supporting 3 in a bigger and more expensive place. The deal was for him to support me, and for me to support him. Not him and his brother. He just started school this semester, he has essentially four more years to go. Thats four years of me having to support a household, and what if we break up? I'll have spent four years supporting a kid I don't want for nothing. I suggested Derek drop out of school and get a job so he can contribute if he wants to support his brother, and said that I would pay for him to go back to school after his brother graduates highschool. Derek doesn't want to put off college for another six years, which I don't necessarily blame him. But his brother will be safe and fed at his aunts house. According to both of them that isn't good enough. I grew up in foster care and I didn't always have somewhere safe to stay, so I guess I'm biased. AITA for not wanting to support my fiances younger brother? Edit: so I did the math on the costs of him supporting me vs me supporting him and his brother, copy and pasting from a comment: I've done the math in an attempt to show him, made an excel sheet and everything. He spent on average supporting us 1400 a month over the years I was in school, give or take. My presence cost him an additional 300$ a month than if he were to live in the studio alone. Essentially feeding me and paying for the basics cost him around 15k over the course of the four years that I was in school. We really have scraped by the last several years, no eating out. Christmas gifts, etc. I've already paid 10k for his parents funeral, moving would cost around 3k, that all alone would cost nearly as much as he spent on supporting me. If we move to an average 2 bed apartment in the area our monthly expenses would be roughly around 2700$, and thats without me buying anything nice for his brother, no school trips, no decent school clothes, etc. It would cost me around 1200 currently to live alone in our studio. So he was paying roughly 300$ additional a month to provide for me, whereas in the future id be paying at least 1500$ a month to provide for for him and his brother. Its just not even comparable. ​ **VERDICT: NTA** ​ **Edit2/UPDATE:** So Derek came home and we had a long two hour ish chat about what taking on this child would entail. I showed him my excel sheet that I made of what expenses would look like. I suggested he delay school so he can work to support his brother, or look into social security benefits and get a part time job to cover his brothers expenses. He put his foot down, and said that since I didn't have to work while I went to school he shouldn't have to either. He thinks that since we're engaged my money is his money. I asked what caring for his brother would be like, how he would even get his brother to school. How he would make time to cook for his brother, help him with hw, etc. He said that with both of us working together we could figure something out. Ultimately, I don't want a child. I've been childfree for a reason, its because I care about my free time and money. I told him the only way I'd agree to take in his brother and move would be if he at least got a part time job the cover the roughly 1100 difference between what I'm spending to support both of us right now and the costs of a larger apartment and an extra person to be responsible for. As well as him agreeing to take sole responsibility for parenting him. I don't want to take him back and forth to school everyday, be responsible for making sure he eats, etc. Long story short, Derek gave me an ultimatum, support him and his brother or we split. It was pretty clear he was bluffing, but I agreed. Our rental agreement is month to month, so I told him I'd let our landlord know I'd be out before November 1st so he can take over the rental agreement. I'm currently packing my stuff to stay with a friend, but I should be able to find a place pretty soon. Derek has been begging me to stay, he has no job or way to pay for rent next month. So I offered to calculate what I owe him for supporting me, and after doing some math on what I've spent the last four months including the funeral expenses I'll be sending him roughly 3.5k. It should hold him over for at least two months, enough time for him to find a job. He's been begging me to stay but I dont think I will. The fact that he gave me an ultimatum like that feels gross. He wasn't willing to work at all, and I honestly think he would've pushed all the responsibilities of raising his brother off on me. Never thought id be in this position but I'll be fine. At least I can finally adopt a cat after wanting one my whole life, Derek hates cats. ​ ​

AITA for not supporting my Fiance's kid brother after their parents died

ONGOING

bojapoi

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yfefm1/aita_for_not_supporting_my_fiances_kid_brother/

yffe4s

[original and the update is added as an edit at the top](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y8xs0u/aita_for_not_wanting_my_husband_and_i_to_attend/) **I AM NOT OP , original was posted 8 days ago (20th october 2022)** mood spoilers : >!positive!< ORIGINAL POST: I’m newly pregnant with our first child. My husband’s brother just recently proposed to his girlfriend (of four months) and they plan on getting married when I’m 38 weeks pregnant. They live about 7 hours away from us. I don’t really like his fiancé due to some very off the wall and inappropriate comments she made during my mother-in-law’s funeral but everyone else seems to like her so I’m doing my best to get along with her. When she asked me to be a part of her bridal party, I though cool this is a chance for me to get to really know her and maybe be friends outside the first time I met her which was at the funeral. She hadn’t set the date yet, but I told her I was pregnant and when I was due and that while I don’t want her to schedule their wedding around me, my husband and I also wouldn’t be able to attend if it was closer to my due date. They set the date and she asked about dresses for me when I told her that while we are very happy for her, we won’t be able to come. She asked why and I repeated what I told her before she set the date and that I couldn’t travel far that late in pregnancy. She had a meltdown. She insisted that I could still come since it was only a 7 hour drive (barring traffic) and that if I couldn’t come my husband needed to still come because it was his brother. I said this is our first child, and if I go into labor I will not be doing it by myself nor will my husband miss the birth of our child to attend anyone’s wedding. She called me selfish for missing her wedding and that if at least my husband didn’t go we wouldn’t speak to them again. My husband is now anxious because he wants to be there for his brother but knows if he leaves me and I go into labor he could theoretically miss the birth of his first child. The added bit about making sure him and his brother don’t have a relationship when they’ve always been close also adds fuel to the fire. She texted everyone in the family group chat that I was abusive and controlling for not letting my husband attend their wedding without context saying I did not like her. I hadn’t planned on telling ALL of our extended family we were pregnant yet since I’m still in my first trimester. My husband texted back saying I am not forcing him to do anything but we agreed not to tell everyone we were pregnant yet so our phones have been going off for hours with texts about setting our pettiness aside to be happy for the couple. Even those who know I’m pregnant and would be close to my due date say I should at least let my husband go. My mom labored for only 3 hours with me and an hour with my sister and she had us both at the 39 week mark. Her mother also had a short labor so I feel very uncomfortable with the idea of leaving our city to travel so far away during the last weeks of my first pregnancy. TL;DR Am I the asshole for not wanting my husband and I to attend his brother’s wedding when it’s so close to my due date and the wedding is 7 hours away from home? **Relevant comments from OOP** * Yes my ob told me no travel past 36 weeks. That’s why I told her my due date and the circumstances to begin with. If it was important to her and BIL that we be there, I wanted to make sure she knew when we couldn’t. She chose a time when she knew we would not attend and then acted like I was a horrible person for standing by what I originally said. 🤷🏻‍♀️ * She sent the message to the group chat that BIL is a part of, I assume he’s seen it. I spoke directly to her about the date when she first asked me to be part of the wedding party. I assumed she would have told him though it’s possible given her behavior she may not have. He didn’t say anything in the group chat but at this point if she didn’t tell him, and she purposefully chose the wedding date, it’s also very possible she’s telling him a different story from the truth. My husband is set to talk to his brother at some point today so hopefully that conversation will clear things up for everyone. ​ **VERDICT: NTA** ​ **UPDATE:** My husband responded to the family members who reached out to us individually and told them the situation including the fact SIL was informed of our due date and that we wouldn’t be able to attend if they chose a wedding date close to it. His brother finally called him back, and he spoke with him directly and from what he understands he was at work so future SIL was not around. My husband explained how it was 100% his decision to stay with me and had a heart to heart talk of which a lot was discussed. His brother was surprised about the ultimatum, apologized for his fiancés behavior explaining they apparently recently had a miscarriage (news to us) and she likely was taking out her feelings including jealousy on me. He also told my husband that he was going to talk to SIL and have the date changed since they didn’t sign a contract with any vendors yet. He said he really wants us there since we are close so he’ll either move the wedding forward or push it back. So I guess we might be going to the wedding after all? Though I told my husband at this point he can be a groomsman but I definitely will not be part of the bridal party because I didn’t want her to take out her feelings on me throughout my pregnancy while she’s wedding planning. Today was super stressful and I won’t be responding to any more comments, but I wanted to thank all of you for your support and suggestions. I started having doubts about whether or not I was the asshole here when family kept pestering us to concede but I’m glad to find out our decision was perfectly normal and expected!

AITA for not wanting my husband and I to attend his brother’s wedding?

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bojapoi

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yffe4s/aita_for_not_wanting_my_husband_and_i_to_attend/

yfgmx0

[removed]

Accused of theft with receipt in hand

ONGOING

Kevinvl123

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yfgmx0/accused_of_theft_with_receipt_in_hand/

yfkvn7

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/cheaterssuck12 in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y7zfxk/i_saw_my_husband_and_my_sister_naked_in_my_kitchen/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (19 Oct 22) **I saw my husband and my sister naked in my kitchen.** I can’t move. If I move it becomes real and I have to accept what I saw and think of what's next. I came home from work early and saw my sister's car thinking maybe she was dropping off some food from her job. But no, I walk in and see my husband and sister naked in my kitchen. The kitchen I paid for. As soon as I registered what I saw I got into my car and left. I kept driving, just driving, driving, driving until I found the hotel I’m at now. I don’t want to believe it. I don’t know what to do. My sister, my only family, and my best friend, the one who's supposed to be there for me and support me. My husband, my person, my other half, the one who's supposed to love and respect me. The two most important people in my life have ruined everything. I’ve blocked them both on my phone. I don’t want to hear any of the bullshit excuses they’ll come up. I don’t want to confront this. I want to go back to this morning when everything was fine. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y9qday/update_i_saw_my_husband_and_my_sister_naked_in_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (21 Oct 22) Update: I saw my husband and my sister naked in my kitchen Sorry for not replying to comments and not updating, things have been hectic. I didn't think I needed to explicitly say this but by naked I meant they were butt naked and fucking in the kitchen. I admit mentioning that I paid for the kitchen was odd and kinda funny. But anyone that knows me knows that the kitchen is my pride and joy, so yes, when I saw my sister and husband fucking in MY kitchen it stuck with me. And yes, they did see me. When I got to the hotel I cried for a few hours and then I just wanted to tell someone, anyone. The two people I would talk to when something happened in my life were the two I needed to talk about and it was 11 something in the evening so I wasn't going to disrupt my friend's evenings and burden them. So instead I came to Reddit thinking not many would see it. The response I received was overwhelming. I want to say thank you to everyone that sent me kind words and advice. Thank you so much for all the virtual hugs. I know I only commented once, it's because I had so much to think about and do. I appreciate all the love and support. There was so much amazing advice given in the comments, although a lot of it was American based I still appreciate it. But one thing I did see a lot was to unblock them and keep the texts and calls as evidence so I did do that. After posting and another good cry I knew that I had to get my shit together, I didn't have my sister or any family to help so I had to do it myself. I started researching what my next steps were. In the morning, my friend called me saying my sister contacted her wondering if I had been in contact with her. I told her what happened and she very kindly offered her spare room and her day off work to help me sort stuff out. I called in sick at my job and my friend helped get things done. I got in contact with my friend who works at a bank and she helped me start sorting my financials. My friend also found me a lawyer to consult with. After my phone consultation with the lawyer, I was so overwhelmed. I now know why so many women don't divorce their cheating husbands. It’s such a lengthy, expensive, and emotionally draining process. I, fortunately, make a stable income and can support myself and we, fortunately, don't have kids. I have to remember that things aren't going to happen in one day. It will all take time. As for the house, unfortunately, his parents did buy it for us and to be honest after what I saw I don't want it. I will try to get reimbursed for my beloved kitchen, otherwise, it can burn for all I care. This has been super draining but I knew I had to talk to them. I already knew there was no coming back for my husband and when I checked his messages they were exactly what I thought they would say. I’m sorry. It's not what it looks like. We didn't mean for it to happen. Please come home. I love you. blah blah blah. Just absolute bullshit. A small part of me thought maybe I could find it in me to forgive my sister as we only have each other. But after I opened her messages all hope was lost. She used the same excuses we heard our father use when he cheated on our mother and beat us. She said the same things our mother would say when she would excuse our dad's behaviour and also beat us. I spoke to her this morning and asked her to tell me straight up who, what, where, when, and why. She told me back in July when I went on a girl's trip she was at our house and joked to my husband that I would cheat on him on the girl's trip because thats what ‘always happens.’ He said nah, and they joked about it but she said he could get even with me and they ended up doing it once. One time lead to two to three then to whenever they could do it. There was never any evidence or signs or anything that I was going to or even thinking of cheating. I told her we were done and there is nothing she could do to bring us back together. I later received a call from an unknown number. It was my mother who I haven't spoken to in 7 years. Turns out my sister has been in contact with her and told her what had happened and my POS mother, the same woman who beat me for breathing wrong, had the audacity to say this is what I get for taking her daughters away from her. It hurts so much. I know things are going to get messier and this is going to be a long few years. I've now lost all my blood relations. I need to get all my shit and find a new place. I want to show them that I CAN and I WILL thrive without them. Again thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the love and advice. All the people in the comments that could relate to me, I'm so sorry ❤️ **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

OOP - I saw my husband and my sister naked in my kitchen.

CONCLUDED

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yfkvn7/oop_i_saw_my_husband_and_my_sister_naked_in_my/

yfkwnv

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/new-dragonfruit-996 in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xk08ue/i_hate_my_best_friend_but_im_going_to_be_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **I hate my best friend but I'm going to be her bridesmaid** (19 September 2022) I met my best friend 10 years ago when we were 16. I didn't like her at first but she saw me laughing and decided she was going to be my friend and so she would constantly make conversation until I couldn't ignore her and we became best friends. We were both outsiders with us moving from different schools at around the same time so we never had other friends but each other in our final years of school. As we have grown up we kept our friendship and remained just as close. About 4 years ago I met this boy named Jacob. He was my first boyfriend. I've never been pretty so he was the first guy to show me attention outside of hook ups. He took me on my first proper date, we started to plan moving in together and discussing out future I was truly happy. But then after a year he said words that made my stomach drop. He asked me if I would mind he he could start dating my best friend. I can tell you the exact details of that day. I had just finished work, I had a really good day because my favourite dog had come in and I was on my way back. My phone rang in the car and Jacob said he wanted to talk. He told me he had been talking to my best friend for a while and that he fell in love with her and wanted to know if it was ok to start dating her. She also felt the same way about him but said he had to get my permission before they took things further out of respect. Sophie (my best friend) has always been the pretty one which has never been an issue. Ofc she is beautiful I tell her that all the time. So in my head it made perfect logical sense. I just said it was fine. I packed Jacobs things up out of my house and handed them to him with a smile and congratulated them. It wasn't until the next day I even cried or got angry. But ever since the resentment has been building. It isn't like a "I hate this bitch" kind of resentment. I'm still her friend but it's like I can't be with her for longer than a few hours or everything she does starts to annoy me. Why does she look at her phone so much? Why does she expect me to buy her so much? Why is everything she says only about her? Why does she talk over everyone? You know? Just those tiny things you used to ignore become unbearable so I have to make an excuse and go. Well now 3 years after the break up they are getting married. And she wants me to be head bridesmaid. I don't want to say yes. The thought makes me feel sick. I hate my best friend so much I don't want to be a part of her wedding but I know I will say yes. Because if I say no it will make her unhappy and I'd become the bad guy. So I'll be the head bridesmaid who's one and only boyfriend left her for the bride. And I'll smile and act happy. Maybe the universe will have mercy and have a truck run me over on the way to the rehearsal dinner or something **Update**: so I will not be saying yes or no. I think I'm going to just ghost them. I'm moving states anyway and i can move up the date from mid next year to February if i want. I know what will talk shit about my behind my back but idc anymore I won't be able to hear it I'll be a 3 hours plane ride away. I will also block them on everything. They also dont know im moving because they never asked or care so 🤷🏽‍♀️ sucks to be her when she finds out. Because if I don't say no to being bridesmaid she will assume yes and so she will be planning as if in involved even if I don't join in **Minor update**: I spoke to my boss at my new job about moving up the date of my move to early next year and they said I can move the date up to late November if I want because of the December rush they will need an extra pair of hands. So I will be gone by the end of the year. I have two months to go house hunting and get my stuff down south! Wish me luck 🤣 [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y9nr46/update_i_hate_my_bestfriend_but_im_going_to_be/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (21 Oct 22) **UPDATE: I hate my bestfriend but im going to be her bridesmaid** It's been a while since I made the post so I thought I would update you as Sophie now knows I don't like her. I went to a dinner with me, her, her sister and another girl I don't know (Alison). The dinner was fine I didn't really say much because I have been really stressed with work and moving. I've been flying in and out of the state trying to sort things out and my dogs are staying at my mums house but one of them just got sick. Basically I am dealing with enough. At the dinner Sophie brings up me and my ex and how I brought them together and I smiled at first and laughed it off because I didn't want to make a big deal out of anything. Alison said in passing she finds it weird that I haven't dated anyone since. I again didn't say anything because I am not hung up on him I'm just not interested in anyone. I have my own busy life and the thought of coming home from work after spending all day pleasing clients and worrying about another person makes me feel drained. Sophie made a joke about how I'm secretly in love with her fiance and I'm going to ruin the wedding and everyone laughs. I just said I won't go. It was like all emotions just turned off and I couldn't even be angry. I didn't care how any of them felt anymore. I said I'm not going and I am moving so she won't see me anymore. I told her how awful she was and then left. After that I got flooded with calls and texts from her asking me what was wrong with me but I just don't care. I went to work and told them I'm taking my leave which I was going to get paid out and now I'm not working. I'm staying with my aunt in the state I'm moving too and I move in to my house next week. My dogs join me in two weeks and yeah. It's not a huge story I think I am emotionally burnt out. It feels like all this anger built up and then like a sparkler just ended. I don't even want to think about them anymore I just want to move on and pretend that chapter of my life never existed. SO FUCK YOU SOPHIE I HOPE YOUR CAKE HAS SALT IN IT INSTEAD OF SUGAR AND I HOPE YOU SPILL RED WINE IN YOUR WHITE DRESS! **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

OOP - I hate my best friend but I'm going to be her bridesmaid.

CONCLUDED

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yfkwnv/oop_i_hate_my_best_friend_but_im_going_to_be_her/

yfm6ti

[deleted]

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it

ONGOING

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yfm6ti/i_cut_off_my_best_friend_because_my_wife_told_me/

yfprds

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/poisonedbymom **in** r/offmychest   trigger warnings: >!disturbing - poisoning, stalking!< mood spoilers: >!Relief!<   [**My mother has poisoned me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1ehjft/my_mother_has_poisoned_me/) \- 17th May 2013 This is a throwaway account. Ever since I became an adult about a decade ago, my mother has been against me moving out of the house. I finally got a job as a line cook three years ago. My mother (and rest of family, which includes my sister and father) has been against it, mainly saying that such a job cannot sustain me (which was true). They also said that I would hate working, which turned out to be false. About a year and a half later, I quit due to health reasons. The following spring, I got a new job as a computer programmer. While they seemed supportive at first, my mother and sister (who I lived with) gradually became hostile. Eventually I moved out of the house. About a month later, I lost my job, and about three months later, moved back home. Everything was cool at first, but as I was getting calls from recruiters and going to job interviews, they gradually became more hostile again, accusing me of being distant and not caring for them. However, they seemed to be very controlling, and hateful of the fact that I wanted to move out and wanted a decent job. So last month, I finally got that job as a programmer again, but it was out of town. I had just enough money to relocate to the new city. They became very hostile starting a few days before I left, accusing me of not loving them, of hating them. On the day before I was scheduled to leave my mother gave me two of the styrofoam ramen noodles cups, and tore that cardboard covering that normally comes with it and threw it away. I was suspicious that they would try to sabotage my life, so I was careful in not trying to anger them. She gave a few more food items (which I didn't use) to take on the trip with me. When I arrived at my new city and entered my hotel room, I chilled out. I was to go to work the next day. So, after the first day at work, I ate a cup of ramen noodles, and felt ill. I knew that feeling because my sister fed me something that made me feel the same way in late 2011, which I then assumed was because of my recent illness. I felt weak, light headed, and "short of breath." I drank water to make me feel better, because that's what I did last time that happened to me. Over the week, my mother kept calling me, making sure to remind me to eat my ramen noodles (I was short on cash then, waiting for my first paycheck). I never told her that I ate it. I suspected then that I had been poisoned, and after doing some Googling, believed it was cyanide. Now that is something that you should never have to think, that your own mother would do that to you. So I resisted that thought, because I simply could not bear to think that. So, I went to [http://cyanidetest.com/](http://cyanidetest.com/) and ordered a kit, and I tried it. Now, look at the graphics and the video on [this page](https://www.chemsee.com/residential/cyanide/cyanide-detector/). Now, here are the results of my test: [http://imgur.com/dNf1Dwy](http://imgur.com/dNf1Dwy) I guess I am going to have to call the cops, and I will never speak to my family again. Edit: Thank you for being my support group. You will get updates on this story. Update (8:45 AM): I am currently in Topeka Kansas. I work downtown in a government office building. which has a police department. I visited the Capital Police stationed here, and spoke to an officer. I showed him the evidence, and he said that he could do nothing about it since the package was opened, and might have been contaminated. So, does anyone have ideas?   [**My Mother Has Poisoned Me, II**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1o5ym2/my_mother_has_poisoned_me_ii/) \- 11th October 2013 A few months ago, I posted this. I was only able to file a police report, but only that, so far. The police do not have enough evidence to investigate. I have gone "no contact" with my family. I currently live in a cheap motel in Topeka, Kansas. Yesterday, after getting "home" from work (I work for the Kansas state government as a software developer), the lady at the front desk told me that my mother called them to speak to me. For security reasons, the motel needs both the name AND room number, and my mother didn't have my room number. She didn't even attempt to call me cell phone, which makes me believe that she just wanted to know if I was staying there, and where. So, this morning, I leave a little earlier than usual. The sky was still in the early twilight phase. I take the bus to and from work because my car blew a gasket almost a year ago, before I moved and got my current job. As I was talking towards the bus stop, I saw someone in a strange car (she told me that if she visited, she would be using a rental car) using the finger to tell me to come here. I looked, but kept on walking. Then she opened the car door, and she was in a black outfit in a hood (which is strange for my mother). Then I knew it was her when I saw her face. She told me to come here, and I said no, kept a good distance. She said that she just wanted to know if I was ok. So I said yes, I am. She said that she just wanted a hug, but I said no. I don't know if there was anyone else in the car with her. But she is a gun owner, and a good shot. She routinely kicked all of our asses in Duck Hunt when I was a little kid, and still owned when playing Wii games with the gun controller. I ended up taking another bus to get to my job. So, when I get off of work, what is the best way to go "home", or should I even go? If not, where should I go? I really think that it is not safe for me here in Topeka. So if anyone knows of any .NET development jobs, please PM me. Also, please give me some advice.   **OOP has only ever made the above 2 posts about the situation. But OOP has provided additional info in the comments to these posts. I have included the comments below**   [**Comment 1 - More context on family dynamics**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1o5ym2/comment/cf04bjn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 27th Jan 2014 I was an adult (mid 20s or older to be more exact) when she tried this, so I don't know if that still applies. Oddly, she always wanted me to go on welfare so that she could use the money (even though she has been a psychiatric RN for more than 15 years, and she told me she makes about 90K for a salary about a year ago. So I guess you could say that she WAS greedy for money. What would you need my welfare payments (which totaled out to about $200/month) for when you are making THAT much money? Some other weird things about this is that she is a hoarder, and nothing around the house was ever fixed because it cost (too much money). Even when told by others that the job didn't have to be expensive, she refused to do ANYTHING to fix the house. She couldn't be bothered to buy a $100 washer and dryer. Many of the wood walls and ceilings are decaying, and there is a huge hole in the ceiling right above the tub. There are so many problems like that in the house. But again, she couldn't use her money to actually fix the house, and provide a safe living space for my now 5 year old nephew. One thing that my mother knew (because I told her this a few times over the years) was that I wanted to move out. I didn't make it about her or anything like that. Just told her that I am old enough, and that is is TIME for me to move out so that I can live like an adult and do adult things (such as dating, but I didn't tell her that because of my interest in white women and her extreme hatred of white women). So I finally got a decent job (as a software engineer) that would allow me to move out of the house. So I did that. Of course, my mother telling me to go on welfare stopped because now I had a job, and was making WAY too much money to be on welfare. My sister became more and more hostile since I get the good job. At some point, her shenanigans became so great that I HAD to move out, for my safety, as she pointed guns at me, with evil smiling and laughing (WTF). After losing my job and moving back home, my mother and sister were cool for the first few days. I spent pretty much all of my time searching for new employment. They gradually got more hostile, and actually went ape shit bananas when I took a job offer out of state, and I was handed the poisoned food on the morning of my departure. Just based upon my latest thinking (inspired by your post) she could make me go on welfare, or other things since I was living under her roof, and not making any contributing payments to the house. But when I got a good job and left to live on my own she could no longer do that, and I was in control of my money, and myself. When I first moved out (while still living in the same city as her), she tried to control my life. But moving out of state makes control all but impossible. Is there any way to find out if there are any current life insurance policies on myself? If so, I will get them cancelled immediately.   [**Comment 2 - More family craziness**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1ehjft/comment/ca0jfne/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 17th May 2013 Actually, I am a black American. My mother, sister, and father hold some black nationalist/supremacist beliefs. I'm thinking that the fact that I am not exclusively interested in black women might have at least something to do with this. My sister, for instance, is a [Kemetism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kemetism). My mother has been a "Christian" most of my life, as far as I can tell. However, when she made her Facebook profile about a year or so back, she listed her religion as "spiritual", so that makes me wonder what she really believes. My father is a business owner, and he runs an entertainment company based upon one style of dance. I left the business three years ago because I was sick of the abuse, thought he was a sociopath, didn't want to be a starving artist, liked being a programmer much better, and wanted something better out of life. I also didn't want to be constantly talking about race, talking about "white people this, white people that", "black men (mainly those with white women) are this, that" and etc.   [**Comment 3 - How did you suspect Cyanide poisoning?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1ehjft/comment/ca0jidb/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 17th May 2013 I didn't know what it felt like. All I knew was that this was a familiar feeling (my sister fed me stuff that made me feel the same exact way earlier), and I suspected that it was poison since I has just finished a bowl of ramen noodles. I then Googled it, realized that the symptoms matched cyanide poisoning, did more research on cyanide poisoning, and then ordered the test kit (I still wasn't really to totally accept that I was poisoned, and was hesitant to go to the police, just in case I wasn't poisoned).   [**Comment 4 - What does she stand to gain?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1o5ym2/comment/ceznk2n/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 27th Jan 2014 I really don't know. I will never know because I am not in contact with her. I can only make guesses. Some have said Münchausen syndrome by proxy. It is obvious that she didn't want me to leave the house and live on my own. Maybe her son is "too white". I know she did try to get me to sign up for life insurance, but I can't remember if I ended up going along.   [**Final & Most IMP Comment/Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1o5ym2/comment/cf062eq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **Almost 8 months later** \- 27th Jan 2014 And BTW, I have moved out of state since making my left thread with this account, and am doing very well with a nice job, and am in better health.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP - My mother has poisoned me.

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raredontstare

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yfrp6d

**I am not OP.** Posted by u/ThrowRAthinkingleave on r/relationship_advice   [**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pcxgra/thinking_if_i_36m_should_leave_my_wife_36f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) _- August 28, 2021_ Neither of us were sure about having kids. We were married 5 years before finding out she was pregnant. Both nervous as hell but in the end, she wanted to try having the baby and I agreed. It was hard at first. Parenthood is in general but I love my son. He’s wonderful, smart, energetic and warms my heart. My wife for the most part was great with him. Occasionally we both would get burned out and find some time to have date nights or individual free time. Over a year ago before lockdown, my wife started becoming very irritated over anything he’d do. Accidentally spill a little apple juice on the counter she’d yell at him like if he’d just destroyed a family heirloom. It was something that happened every now and then but we’d talk about it, and she would apologize to him. Pandemic was really rough. We both had our jobs, just were working from home and our son wasn’t in school. At first I thought the frustration came from being cooped up at home and not being able to go out. My son’s been going to school again for months, and we’re all back to going out. Things haven’t improved. Finally had a sit down with my wife because no matter what mood she’s in- she could be happy and smiling - but when my son comes in her mood shifts. And I notice it more now. My wife has told me that for the longest time, she’s resented having our son. Motherhood isn’t what she thought it was going to be and missed it only being the two of us. She didn’t expect her life to be this way with a child, and she regrets having him at all. It was a hard conversation to have but one we really needed to. I’ve talked to her about getting therapy (individual, couples, or both) whatever it takes. She’s refused because she claims she doesn’t need help. We have tried going on more date nights, being a couple if she feels like we’re not getting enough of that. Have her spend some more one on one time with him (which she doesn’t want to do). It doesn’t matter, as soon as we get home and in our son’s presence she’s more serious. I asked her once does she love him. My wife says that she does, just doesn’t like him. That was painful. I want to work on this with her, get therapy. She doesn’t want to. Whats pushing me to wanna leave is because my son is starting to pick up on this. No 7 year old kid should be asking why mom’s always mad at him. I love my wife but I’m scared of him growing up with someone who doesn’t like him. Is this really it? Is the next best thing to leave or is there any way to get her to understand I can't have our son living like this?   [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/phw7vb/update_thinking_if_i_36m_should_leave_my_wife_36f/) _- September 5, 2021_ Well it’s been a hard few days but it happened. Didn’t want it to but it needed to. I took my son out of there. Trying to talk with my wife about this a couple days after posting this got us nowhere. Even if therapy wasn’t going to be the miracle that makes her want to be a mother to our son, I told her it wouldn’t hurt to have somewhere to talk about her feelings. Get to the core of why she feels this way and if maybe there’s a way to work on it so that it wouldn’t have a deep impact on how she is with him. She refused. And I asked her does she ever think it will get better. As in does my wife believe she could see herself caring for him and being what he needs at all in the future. The answer wasn’t going to determine if I left or not but that’s something I just wanted to know for myself. She said no. When I told her that it’s not going to work out between us because his well-being comes first she begged me to stay. All these promises of not treating him negatively and putting on a face for him but still will not do therapy at all because she doesn’t “need” help. Then all of a sudden she gets angry. And to get out then if I only just want to be with my son. It was heartbreaking. We ended up leaving since she didn’t want to leave the apartment. He was still half asleep when we left so all I’ve told him so far is we’re just taking a short vacation. He believes it since we’re staying at a hotel for now but he does keep asking about her. I’m trying my best to keep it together for him, my hearts still broken though. I hate that it had to end like this. But many of you were right, and I know this too. He had to come first and this was already messing him up. I know it was the right choice. Feels like my life just came to a hard stop. And I’m just trying to get my bearings still. She hasn’t contacted me since we left. My family is aware of what’s happening though so I’m glad to have their support. My sister offered to have my son spend the weekend with them so he could be with his cousins. Since he’s not here right now I decided to use some of my free time to type this up. Thank you for being the push I needed to do something . Deep down I know it was what needed to be done. Guess just needed it to be said.

Thinking if I (36M) should leave my wife (36F) because she openly resents our son (7M).

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rainingsakuras

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yfrzcj

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I saw my husband and my sister naked in the kitchen

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yfucvs

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Throwaway0805049 **in** r/legaladvice *Note -* * *OOP has since deleted the post + comments on the original thread* * *The original post is copied from locationbot that saved a copy + some comments were recovered using recovery tools* * *Though OOP has not provided an update on Reddit, updates on the situation are available on various news pages - which have been compiled here* * *There is sufficient evidence to believe that OOP and the person mentioned in the news pages are the same, timelines, ages etc also matchup. Although Throwaway0805049 has identified himself as Julian, Julian hasn’t identified himself as Throwaway0805049* trigger warnings: >!Abduction!< mood spoilers: >!Bittersweet!<   [**When I was a child, my father kidnapped me without me knowing.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/3mimwo/comment/cvf8ndm/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 27th September 2015 Sometime between the ages of 3 and 5, my dad took me, against a court order, away from my mother without me even knowing this. He changed my name and and SSN and did something similar for himself. I have lived my entire life up until a few days ago oblivious to this fact (I was told the name people had been calling me when I was young was my current middle name.) I only discovered all this as I was applying for scholarships and my dad was unable to provide tax info because of all the fraud(?) and he explained every thing to me. I learned yesterday after finding my page on a missing child database that I am actually 18 (my fake records say I'm 17) I am a senior in high school and would like to know how I could, if possible, correct my school records with my real name and SSN, so that I might keep the straight A's, high ACT scores, etc that I have busted my ass for the past 3 years for. I hope to resolve this as quickly as possible, so that I might still have time to get scholarships for college. I'm not angry at my father in the slightest. I remember that he used to ask me "If I ever committed a terrible crime, would you still love?" I still do, even after learning everything. My father has done his best to deal with the mistakes he has made and he clearly regrets them. He has raised me well. I wouldn't have done so well in school without his pressure, and I am perfectly clean and sober, without any criminal records. I know my father has dug himself a deep hole with over a decade of fraud and tax evasion. I want to know how I can resolve these problems in the quickest, least painful way possible. Other things worth mentioning: I now have a little sister who is only a few years old. I want to keep my father out of jail so that he can take care of her. Her mother's family is the type of despicable people who a child should never grow up with. I don't care what it takes, my baby sister will never live with those people by herself. I asked one of my school counselors to get me in touch with a lawyer, but I haven't heard from her in a few days. So please I just need some advice.   **Recovered Comments by OOP** >Concerning the family of my step-mother: their own oldest child was molested by a neighbor, who wasn't reported because he owed their family money. Also, if my step-mother and my dad broke up, she would move back in with her mother, and my step mother's ex is living there, so I know my sister would not be safe living there. > >I do remember some things about my mother. I remember she was still young at the time, probably early 20's. See, my mom and dad had a deal that if they broke up, my dad would take me, but when they did, and we were driving out of town somewhere else, my dad got a call from a judge ordering him to return me to my mother, and that was when he decided to run away. I remember that moment so well, but I never knew who he was talking to or why until recently. > >I understand, and I wish that there was a way for me to contact her without her blowing up and telling the cops about this. Honestly, I have stopped talking to my dad about this and have begun looking for unbiased information about my case. He told me never to talk to anyone about this, because he thinks the slightest peep may cause everything to fall apart. I told him I have every right in the world to walk down the street to the police station and report everything, and he agreed. So I secretly keep doing research myself. Its difficult on the weekends when my dad is home, especially when there is only an unlocked door between him and my computer screen. I have been trying to talk to a counselor about this, but I'm not sure how much I can tell her before she reports it to the cops. > >I have explained the situation with my step family in another comment. I assure you my father's only crime was taking me in the first place, and of course the fraud/tax evasion stuff. I am not particularly excited to meet my mother and whatever family comes with her. After all, I have gone over a decade without them and I got over it a long time ago. It would be nice sure, but I don't think it's necessary. I'm sure it wouldn't be difficult to do a background check on my father, based on what I already know. My mother is likely either living in Florida or Alabama, judging by my page on the missing children database. > >I asked a hypothetical question about this subject to one of my teachers and she told me it is the school district's policy to resolve these matters in the quickest, quietest, least disruptive way possible; and that a child was discovered to be using a different name (possibly different SSN?) and that the district quietly changed the records without reporting his parents to the cops. > >Holy shit I can't believe I just posted this. I probably won't be back to check on this for a while, I don't think I can handle constantly refreshing the page with my emotions all over the place right now.   [**Final Comment by OOP**](https://www.reddit.com/r/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/3rk7df/comment/cwpv4up/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 6th Nov 2015 Yes this is me. So I've delete that post and the comments that followed it. It doesn't matter though since its already been seen. I was really emotional at the time. A lot of the things I said in those posts were simply fueled by confusion, anger, rumors, lies, etc. Please take everything I said there with a grain of salt. I don't want to do any public speaking at the moment, yet news agencies showed up at my school today and I had to be driven home by cops, where we found more news people waiting. I also want to say that some of the things news agencies have been saying are incorrect. I'll set the record straight when I sort out the rest of my life. I'm commenting this here because I don't know where else to say it.   [**Further details from news report - USA Today (excerpt)**](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2015/11/05/reddit-poster-missing-teen/75234224/) \- 5th Nov 2015 Julian Hernandez apparently was taken by his father 13 years ago from the Birmingham, Ala., suburb of Vestavia Hills in a custody dispute, according to the FBI. His mother, who was not married to his father, thought the boy's father was taking him to preschool, but the pair never returned. Ultimately, Hernandez discovered his birth identity when he kept seeing that the Social Security number he needed to apply for scholarships could not be verified, and he and his high school counselor went looking for answers. They found a page with his information on The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children's website, also now removed. Bobby Hernandez, 53, of Cleveland is accused of providing false information in March 2012 to the Ohio Bureau of Motor Vehicles to obtain a fake identification card. He is being held on $250,000 bond in Cuyahoga County and also will face charges almost 650 miles away in Alabama for interference of custody, a felony that could carry a prison term of one to 10 years, when he is extradited.   [**Julian's statement to the Media**](https://www.cleveland19.com/story/30458768/online-post-suggests-missing-teen-julian-hernandez-asked-for-help/) \- 7th Nov 2015 *I would like to take this opportunity to make a request to the media. I ask that you respect my privacy and the privacy of my school, my school's faculty, my friends and my neighbors. At this point I just simply want to be normal! I want to go through my day like I did before this week, just being a normal 18-year-old. I have goals that I am striving to meet, so please, again, respect my request for privacy. Please, no more spotlights, no more cameras, no more reporters sneaking into my school or showing up at my house, and no more microphones in my face. I just want to be left alone. Thank you for respecting my wishes*   [**Court case news report 1 (excerpt)**](https://www.wvtm13.com/article/everything-you-need-to-know-about-the-julian-hernandez-abduction-case/3835162) \- 13th April 2016 Bobby Hernandez was indicted Nov. 24, 2015 on six counts of kidnapping, four counts of interference with custody, one count of forgery (uttering), five counts of fifth-degree felony forgery, five counts of first-degree misdemeanor forgery and 11 counts of tampering with records. The tampering and forgery charges were related to Hernandez's falsification of records, including his son's birth certificate to enroll him in school, as well as his own driver's license and car title. On March 14, he pleaded guilty to two counts of kidnapping, two counts of interference with custody, one count of forgery and 10 counts of tampering with records. Hernandez was sentenced April 13 to four years in prison in Ohio.   [**Court case news report 2 (excerpt)**](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/son-kidnapped-by-dad-in-13-year-ruse-i-forgive-him/) \- 13th April 2016 "Even if other people can't, I forgive him for what he's done," the teen said of his father, Bobby Hernandez. "I love him and I want him to be a part of my life." Julian Hernandez asked the judge to keep his father out of prison, saying the man pushed him to succeed in school and is the reason why he gets good grades and plans on attending college. "The time I've spent with him is the only time I've ever truly felt at home and at peace," Julian Hernandez said. Growing up without a mother was painful, he said, "but taking him away from me is doing the same thing all over again," Julian Hernandez said. Bobby Hernandez, 53, apologized and broke down as he tried to explain why he took his son in Alabama nearly 14 years ago, when the boy was 5. "Julian was the most important person in my life," he said. Cuyahoga County Prosecutor Tim McGinty, however, described Bobby Hernandez as a con man who led his son to believe he was "abandoned by an unloving mother, when in fact the opposite was true." McGinty had asked for a lengthy sentence because he said Hernandez deprived the boy of a relationship with his mother. "He lived a life of lies for 13 years," McGinty said. The boy's mother said in a statement read by noted attorney Gloria Allred that the day he went missing was the worst of her life. "During my darkest moments I considered suicide," her statement said. "I wanted to die." The woman said she "never stopped searching" for her son. In a statement also read by Allred, the teen's maternal grandmother asked for a sentence "as long as our suffering has been." The grandmother described Bobby Hernandez as an "angry, controlling and vengeful" person. "Bobby Hernandez kidnapped him because he wanted to get even with Julian's mother for leaving him - this is not the sign of a good father," the statement said. Julian Hernandez visited his mother and her family in Alabama last Thanksgiving and at Christmas. Bobby Hernandez's attorney, Ralph DeFranco, said the son had not spoken to his father since a judge issued a no-contact order in early December.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP - When I was a child, my father kidnapped me without me knowing.

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raredontstare

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yfvgxq

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OOP’s friend gets petty revenge on ex-wife using a funeral plot.

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ImageNo1045

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yfvuiz

**I am NOT OOP. This is a repost subreddit** originally posted by r/amitheasshole by u/trafficlights44 Trigger warning: >!infidelity!< [original post Sept 13, 2022](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xck6v4/aita_for_inviting_all_but_one_of_my_siblings_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) AITA for inviting all but one of my siblings on vacation? I (F32) and my husband (M36) and our children typically spend one vacation every year with my older sister Mary (37), her husband John (39) and their children. The kids are very close and spend a lot of time together. My sister and I have 2 younger sisters (31, 27) and a younger brother (25). This year I extended an invite to sisters 39, 27, and brother. An invite was not extended to sister Selena (31)because a few years ago she and my brother in law, John, had an affair. Mary worked very hard through therapy to stay married with John, and to not ostracize Selena. Family members know of the affair, but it’s not spoken of openly. Selena and John still see each other at family events, but do not talk/sit by each other. Pretty awkward, but maybe the best possible outcome. My older sister and I found a beach house for our next vacation that had extra room so invited the others to join and pitch in on the cost. Sister (27) agreed to come, and little brother declined so that it would not be all the siblings minus Selena. Somehow Selena found out she was the only one to not receive an invite and is very hurt. Our mom says I should have invited her, knowing that she would have said no. (She just had a baby and is a single mom on a very tight budget). Mom also thinks that a vacation with John, Mary and Selena would be fine, that we should all act as if nothing ever happened, even though Mary has expressed multiple times that while she still loves Selena, things can never go back to the way they were (Mary suffered from PTSD as a result of the affair) Because there are so many siblings, vacations are often split with only two or three of us going together. Nobody has expressed being upset about this in the past. I don’t like the idea of inviting her, even knowing 99% she would say no. What if she did say yes and I have to tell her it wasn’t a real invite? AITA? Edit: to add clarification, John has also suffered real consequences from the affair, but asking him to stay at home while Mary and their young kids go to the beach is not really an option. All of the siblings have been really mature in loving and forgiving both parties, however, having them sleep in the same house would be putting Mary through trigger hell - the only one in the trio not at fault. [Update Sept 19, 2022 in the comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xck6v4/aita_for_inviting_all_but_one_of_my_siblings_on/iozt07q/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) UPDATE for anyone curious. (Thanks for the comments/suggestions/support) Turns out to be a classic case of The Emotionally Immature Mother Manipulating Her Children. I spoke with Selena directly to set the story straight, reiterate that I love her, etc. It appears that our mom fabricated the story of Selena being upset about the vacation (she understands completely and honestly has no interest in vacationing with Mary/John.) Our mom is unhappy about our family dynamic and that things are not completely normal after the affair - she stated she feels like she is losing all of her children, in that she doesn’t feel close to us. IDK how stirring up drama fixes this?? She’s highly religious and critical of everything we do, so as my siblings and I grow older, we’ve really had to deconstruct our beliefs to make up our own minds/thrive in our individuality. Needless to say, this does not make her happy. So if there are any threads on healing from childhood trauma/dealing with manipulative parents/advice on how to keep your mother at arms length possibly?….point me in the right direction!

AITA for inviting all but one of my siblings on vacation?

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ImageNo1045

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yfxvgx

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/nooneecares23 in r/trueoffmychest. + Her husband u/someonee23334. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y94y68/my_husband_would_chose_his_girl_best_friend_over/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (21 Oct 22) **My husband would chose his girl best friend over me anyday** I (29f) got married a year ago yesterday. My husband (30f) and I have been together for five years In total. My husband has been best friends with Sasha (30f) since they were in diapers. I knew that and I never really had a problem with their friendship until my husband and I officially started dating. Sasha would always try and get between us and every date we went on she was there coincidentally. Which was relatively annoying because my husband would let her stay with us on all those dates. Now yesterday was my wedding anniversary and my husband forgot since he had a roadtrip with Sasha. I didn't know about this roadtrip until he said he was leaving. I didn't bother telling him it was our anniversary since he didn't remember and he would probably still spend the day with Sasha even if he did know. I didn't bother telling him bye I just walked out and decided I was going to go shopping and do something for myself. I did that but then his mother called me during the day wishing me a Happy anniversary and asked where my husband was because he wasn't answering his phone. I told her the truth about his whereabouts and he didn't remember our anniversary. She was shocked and told me that she didn't think Sasha and my husband still had feelings for each other. I asked what did she mean. She said that they did date in high school but my husband told me that he never did like Sasha romantically. Everything started becoming more clear now. Maybe he did remember our anniversary but chose not to say anything because he loved Sasha. If he loved her could of told me before we got married. I would of been hurt but I understand feelings and I know you can't control them. I don't know how to comprehend anything right now. I'm numb and I don't get. All I know is that my husband doesn't even love me. I'VE UPDATED! [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y9wdb1/update_my_husband_would_chose_his_girl_best/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (22 Oct 22) **UPDATE: My husband would chose his girl best friend over me anyday.** Hello everyone! Thank you all for the kind words and advice I really do appreciate it. Although some of you didn't understand the point of my post and started questioning why I married him in the first place. Why I didn't set boundaries and questioned my self respect. I have all the answers you wanted aswell the update many of you have been asking for. I would first like to say that not everyones life is easy and not everyone can get just up and leave whenever. Gaslighting, manipulation and emotional attachments also exist. Sure some of you wouldn't stand for it and the disrespect but I did. I made a mistake and im owning up to it I really don't understand what's the point of bashing me like you know the situation. I did come here to rant and I didn't expect this to blow up like it did. But anyways id firstly like to state that I grew up in the foster care system my life wasn't the best. When I met my "husband" I was overwhelmed and overjoyed at the fact that someone wanted me and liked me. When things started to progress with us I ignored all his mistakes because I thought he would be the only person who would of excepted me. I know that's its not an excuse but I honestly didn't have a backbone and my self respect intact either. I was a pushover. It's also the fact that I wasn't in a great place financially and I was just so done with it. Some of you asked why I didn't set boundaries with him and sasha it's because they are inseparable and I was afraid he would leave me for her. I didn't want to be alone again. I wanted to be happy you know. Some of you people think that I did it because I was desperate. Genuinely speaking I was so very desperate because I didn't want to lose him. I took it all because I was afraid to live my childhood all over again. I didn't plan coming here and giving my life story but here I am. Now the most important part that everyone has been waiting for. My "husband" called me as soon as he got back. I ignored his calls since I had to leave for work. I'm pretty sure he called 100 times demanding to know where I was. After work I went straight to his home. I walked in and behold sasha sitting on the kitchen counter chatting to my husband smiling and laughing. At that moment I wanted to scream and cry I hated it. My husband saw me and Came up to me asking me where the hell I was. I told him we needed to talk and took him upstairs. He asked what was up. The audacity he had. I've genuinely had enough so I told him I wanted a divorce because he went on a roadtrip with another women on our anniversary. I cried and screamed till I couldnt anymore and all he did was fucking stand there looking at me. I was so frustrated I asked him if he had anything to say and all he said was that I shouldnt of yelled like that because sasha was here and she would be offended if I thought that I couldn't trust her. My last fucking straw. I left and the next time I see him it's with divorce papers. Im not going to cry any longer because I deserve better. I'm currently looking for divorce lawyers and will be starting the process as soon as I can. The audacity of that man after all I've done for him. It's clear that he chose sasha because even though she wasn't in the same room as us he thought of her and her feelings. I broke down infront of him and he fucking thought of her. Again thank you all for the kind messages I appreciate it so very much. I will keep you all updated!! *OP's Note : Husband's post was posted today! Not seven days ago and i asked the mods before editing it in.* [Husband's post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yfotd8/my_wife_wants_to_divorce_me_because_i_went_on_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (28 Oct 22) **my wife wants to divorce me because I went on a trip on our anniversary** Last week was my wedding anniversary and I forgot. I feel terrible I really do but I have alot going on and I didn't even think that it was already October since the year has been going so fast. It honestly really slipped my mind and I was just focusing on my trip that I had planned with a good friend of mine. I wanted some time off from life and my wife knew that my job was really stressful. I'm a terrible husband I know but I love my wife so much and she is my everything. My trip was 2 days long and the morning of my trip I went to kiss my wife goodbye but she already left. She's a nurse so I thought that maybe she would be in a rush maybe because of some emergency. My friend picked me up and my phone died somewhere along the line of the trip. When I finally charged my phone up I realized there were many missed calls from my mother and I called as soon as I saw them. My mother cussed me out asking me how I could of not wished my wife for anniversary and why I wasn't spending time with her and instead spending time with another women. I just want to clarify that I never saw my friend in any Romantic way and our friendship was purely platonic. I realized that I fucked up so badly but I couldn't leave for home straight away because it was really late so I decided to leave early the next day. I couldn't sleep the entire night because I knew I fucked up really badly. I left the next day and my friend came with me back because I told her about the situation. As soon as i got home most of wifes things weren't there. I was stressed as fuck and I called her many times but she never answered. I called my mother and i asked her if my wife had spoken to her and she said that yes she was staying with her friend. I was confused as hell because she was never like this. She never left without telling me first. About 4 hours later my wife came home and she told me she needed to talk to me. We both went upstairs to our room and she just started crying and yelling at me because saying that she knew I loved my friend and that I always put my friend above her. Which isn't true I didn't do it intentionally I spend alot of time with my friend because we knew each from childhood and my wife always seemed closed off when my friend was there but I never thought anything of it because my wife isn't comfortable around everyone for many reasons. So therefore I used to see my friend without my wife. Now that I'm fucking typing this I realised how wrong it was and how I really gave off the impression my wife had. She told me she wanted a divorce but I just stood there because I didn't know what to say. I just told her to calm down and stop yelling because my friend was still around and my friend would be insulted if she heard. God I really shouldn't of said that because my wife just left the room. I wanted to give her time to cool off which was an even bigger mistake because now it's been a week and she doesn't want to see or talk to me. All I know is what my mother is telling me. I know I fucked up really bad but I love her very much and I didn't cheat on her at all and I don't love anyone but her. I will cut of my friend if it means I can stay with her. She is my everything. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP** >!I find it funny how her username is a variation of no one cares and his is someone?!!< >!I think I'm cursed, why do i keep finding all these sad af stories when other people are posting such wholesome updates. I'm a romance reader ffs and all i read here are sad stories.!<

OOP - My husband would chose his girl best friend over me anyday.

ONGOING

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yfxvgx/oop_my_husband_would_chose_his_girl_best_friend/

yfxyem

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by\*\* u/CoffeFanatic \*\*in\*\* r/EntitledPeople and r/StoriesAboutIdiots trigger warnings: >!Karen being Karen, mentions of suicide, mentions of pedophilia/molestation, there’s an incel around the middle of the post!< mood spoilers: >!It’s a rollercoaster of ups and downs!< This can read as Part 2 of my previous BoRU post, which you can find \[here\]([https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ydd7zp/my\_mother\_is\_psycho\_and\_entitled/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ydd7zp/my_mother_is_psycho_and_entitled/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)). I have flaired this as ongoing since this is only half the story, I had to break it up to fit the character limit. \\----- \​ \[MIL's friend causes problems for me and her own daughter\](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/oeicve/mils\_friend\_causes\_problems\_for\_me\_and\_her\_own/)\\- July 5 2021 I've written a few stories before about my psychotic mother and how wonderful my MIL is. My ex husband (Bill) and I have been dealing with quite a lot of stress lately. We took a trip to another state to look at houses and talked with a realestate agent. We finally landed on a place and we're in the initial stages of purchasing a place. Over the last week, Bill and I have talked at length about our relationship. With all of the therapy we've both been getting and lots of encouragement from my IL's, we decided to get remarried and start over. We decided on another small ceremony but this time I let my MIL plan it out so it's gonna be in a church. Luckily their pastor friend agreed to oficiate on short notice. I'm not religious but my IL's are totally okay with that and their only request was for me and Bill to get married in a church. I agreed as it's not that big of a deal to me but everything to them so I am happy to make them happy. :) You would think that this is where the happy ending part comes, right? Wrong. >:( My MIL's (now former) friend (Karen, that's actually her fucking name and she behaves, looks and thinks just like a typical Karen would. Just my fucking luck) is throwing a fit over the pettiest of reasons. Karen's daughter (Barbara - Not real name) is supposed to be getting married that same week and in the same church and can't possibly deal with two weddings happening. (On two different fucking days of that week) and demanded that Bill and I change the date to two months later. By that point, me, Bill and my son will be in another state in our new house, so this is impossible. Karen is also going apeshit over the color scheme. I love red and purple and wanted those colors. Barbara loves red. Barbara couldn't give a fiddler's stringing fuck that I like the same color as her and has told me that Karen is a drama queen and tries living vicariously through her own daughter because her own life was absolute shit. Barbara and her own fiance were NC with Karen for many years but decided to let her back in because they are getting married. Barbara and I discovered that we both like a lot of the same things so we are friends. Barbara was mostly raised by her grandparents so she's not an entitled shit slinger like Karen. Thank god. Me and her are friends and we are having fun comparing things about our up and coming weddings, even joked about a double wedding to which Karen threw a colossal fit over. The last few days have been really stressful and my FIL and MIL came to our house crying saying that she and Karen were no longer on good terms. When I asked why she told me that while the two of them were discussing some details about the weddings, Karen lost her shit over the flowers. I wanted red roses and whatever purple flowers. I wasn't picky. Choosingbeggar Karen had only paid for half the amount of red roses needed for Barbara's wedding when she learned I was getting red roses and demanded MIL give the roses to her and I could just go with something else. MIL had already laid out a lot for the roses and told Karen no. Karen of course lost her fucking mind and accused MIL of trying to destroy Barbara's big day. FIL tried talking Karen down but Karen began screaming at him and he and MIL left. After reading so many posts on here about password protecting my wedding services, I'm glad I had the foresight to do the same. Karen had tried calling the floral company, bakery and even the church to cancel my wedding twice this week but didn't know the password. I know it was her because she's the only one that doesn't want me to get married in that church, have those flowers or even that cake. Because Karen's mouth works before her brain does, she complained to others about not being able to sabotage my wedding. Barbara of course found out and finally had enough with Karen's bullshit and took control over everything about her wedding, cutting Karen out of any and all planning. Of course this sent Karen into a full blown tirade and she canceled every service she paid for, leaving Barbara and her fiance (Dave) with nothing for their wedding. After talking with Bill and my IL's, we invited Barbara and Dave to do that double wedding we had joked about and the two are ecstatic and accepted. Karen must have expected Barbara to come crawling back with apologies and ass kissing because she became certifiably insane and threw the worlds largest tantrum when she heard about our new plans. We have agreed to rent our house to Barbara and Dave after we move so they can have a nice place to live and for now we are letting them stay in our guest room while we pack. Karen tried breaking in and because of previous experiences I dealt with, I have a great security system complete with cameras and a ring doorbell. Karen has since been ordered to stay away and is only allowed at the wedding as a guest and not part of the wedding party. She blames me and MIL for all of this and that's just fine with us. I told Karen that if she had relaxed and stopped being a crazy bitch that she would get to be part of all of the fun things with MIL, Barbara and I but her behavior has gotten to the point where no one wants anything to do with her. Karen still calls the services, hoping to strike lucky on one canceling but she can't guess the password, so our wedding is secure. MIL and I are becoming so close, she wants me to call her mom. Bill and Dave have become friends and the four of us are making plans for them to come visit us in the fall after we move. My IL's are also going to spend Christmas and New Years with us. Bill and I have already decided that we are going to try to have a baby after we are married and settled into our new home. The wedding is next month. Barbara and I have decided to get matching wedding dresses but one has a purple sash, the other has red but we are trading shoes. I will have red shoes with the purple sash and she will have purple shoes with the red sash, as a token of our blossoming friendship. Edit: So me, Barbara, Dave and Bill are sitting on the couch, eating take out and watching TV when we heard loud banging on the door. I checked my ring doorbell camera on my phone and guess who's out there? Karen. She's screaming into my doorbell, demanding that Barbara come outside. I just told her that if she doesn't leave I'm calling the police. Cue the tears and wailing. Karen demanded to know why I was being so mean to her and began pacing back and forth on my porch. By that point the four of us were watching my phone. The more she paced, the more amped up she was getting. We could hear her talking to herself and getting angrier, until she stopped and grabbed fist fulls of her own hair and began screaming at my front door. She kicked at it and screamed for Barbara to get outside or she would kill her. So I called the police. Police came and arrested her for trespassing and attempted breaking and entering. Barbara and Dave are now going full NC again and uninvited Karen to the wedding. This happened less than an hour ago. 2nd Edit: So Barbara and I at down and she told me the story about her life and gave me permission to tell it in this thread here. \[https://www.reddit.com/r/narcissisticparents/comments/oen76y/my\\\_friends\\\_mom\\\_is\\\_a\\\_narcissistic\\\_ahole/\](https://www.reddit.com/r/narcissisticparents/comments/oen76y/my\_friends\_mom\_is\_a\_narcissistic\_ahole/) While I was finishing it, Bill declared that he wants Dave and Barbara to come live with us in another state, believing that the four of us should lean on each other more than separate at this time. I know I am safe from my own mother but Karen isn't in jail (She might be after earlier but I don't know if she will stay there)and could cause some shit at any time. I'm thanking my lucky stars that I gave that man another chance because I cannot imagine a life without him. I can't wait to be his wife again, can't wait to have kids with him and have a real home with him away from all the insanity in this shithole of a place. We're also gonna be talking to our security team tomorrow about being on their a-game incase Karen tries to show up. We're hoping we don't hear anything from her. One more month to go until the wedding. 3rd Edit: Barbara was in the kitchen when her phone started blowing up from an unknown number. It was Karen. According to the voicemail, Karen had bailed herself out and was pissed about getting arrested and is planning on suing me, Bill, Dave and the cops who came here last night. We all had a laugh about it, Barbara blocked the phone number and we all went back to what we all were doing. We are't worried. Karen will be laughed out of court. Now the four of us are arguing about what's uglier (vaginas or penises) and it's me and Barbara vs the guys. The hilarity of this conversation. \​ \[Weird new guy at work might be an incel...\](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutIdiots/comments/oftam7/weird\_new\_guy\_at\_work\_might\_be\_an\_incel/) – July 7 2021 (\*OP Note- this is only here for some context for the next update\*) I'm finishing up my last month at my workplace before transfering to another location in another state and my boss has asked me to train my replacement. I usually have no problem with training as I have trained roughly fifty or so new people over the last three years, mostly with successful results but this new guy is another level of...weird. We'll call him Charlie. I was at my desk and handling some business with a client when he came in for his interview. He dressed nicely but it was two sizes too large for him, as the pants were so baggy he had to keep pulling them back up and the sleeves of his blazer dangled over his hands. He didn't shave and had man-bun. My boss has always been the type to never judge a book by its cover and after the interview, brought Charlie over to me. I gave a polite smile and shook his hand while my boss introduced us and asked if I would mind training him to replace me once I do my big move and transfer. I asked Charlie to be at work at 7:00am the next morning so we could get a headstart on the day's work. I got to work at 6:30 to prepare everything so when Charlie got there, we could start straight away. By the time 7:30 rolled around, I asked my boss where he was and my boss didn't know and called Charlie's number. Charlie said he was just leaving home to come in and that his alarm didn't go off and apologized. I had missed three calls from clients already and my co-workers had to pick up the slack. In my line of work, we are paid salary but make extra through commission work. So I am griping about the possible $1000 I could have made that day. Charlie finally pours in at 8:40, looking unwashed and barely piecing himself together. His hair was a mess, he smelled like he hadn't showered and appeared like he hadn't slept much at all. I was already annoyed but began the start of training him. We got ten minutes into it and he started making comments about my looks, talking about my hair and my skin, asking me how much I weighed and if I was single. I told him that kind of talk wasn't appropriate at work and continued on with training him. For the remaining time before lunch, he is scooting ever closer to me and I swear he was sniffing my hair more than once. It was weird and creepy. I never take a lunch break but on this day I needed to, just to get a little space from Charlie. I go to sit in my car and talk to my best friend on my phone when there was knocking on my window. I look over and it's Charlie. He asks if it would be okay if he sat in my car with me and of course I said no. He begins to pout, saying it's typical that I would say that and guilted me into at least hanging up with my best friend and getting out of the car. I asked him what he meant by that and he said that he thought I was beautiful and I should be his girlfriend. I told him that I'm engaged and will be moving away in a month, going onto explain why I am training him to be my replacement after I leave. He goes quiet, nods with his head hanging and walks back inside. After my lunch break, we finish up the day of training without incident and as I am walking back to my car to leave, Charlie stops me. He said that he should have expected no less from me as all of the pretty girls reject him and all he can get are ugly, fat girls that hold no appeal to him. I told him I am so very sorry for that but there was nothing I could do for him and from now on he needed to maintain a professional attitude with me or I would have to turn over his training to my boss who would pawn him off on the other senior rep, Tom(Who is a guy and would twist Charlie into a pretzel if he heard how Charlie spoke to me.) I went home and told my best friend everything. Because my bestie is nosy, she found Charlie's instagram and facebook pages. Both are littered with women bashing, racism and links to incel related reddit posts that worried the fuck out of me. One of his latest facebook posts is him complaining about getting a job because his mother is about to kick him out of the house if he doesn't start contributing. Just today his post mentions the "slut" at his job who is training him(me) and if she wasn't so stupid and fat (really now?), he'd give her a chance.(Not a fucking chance in hell) I am scared. I'm going to inform my boss because I don't want my soon-to-be former clients dealing with Charlie. I don't want him having access to their addresses and phone numbers. I also don't want him anywhere near me or my work. I'm super paranoid about these types of things and if you read my older posts on other sub reddits, you would understand. I won't bother to confront him because I know that could just escalate things, so I will let my boss handle it. Edit: I was going to just wait until the morning to speak to my boss about Charlie but I got three back to back phone calls on my cellphone, each with a coinciding voicemail. Each one more disturbing than the last. The first was him asking me if I would be interested in seeing a movie, an awkward silence and then him saying I smelled nice before hanging up. The second was him annoyed that I didn't bother calling him back and that he'd be having a stern talk with me at work. The third was him telling me that I as a woman shouldn't be working at all and that my place is in the home and I am a baby factory. Me, my bestie, her fiance and my fiance are all understandably pissed off. I just called my boss and sent him the screenshots and let him listen to the voicemails. He is now pissed and apologized to me then the both of us called Charlie on three-way. Charlie at first denied everything but when confronted with the screenshots and voicemails, he went on the offensive, saying that I was leading him on and that I was just a dopey eyed woman who didn't deserve respect and I should know my place as a woman. My boss called him a piece of shit (I never heard him cuss before) and told him if he showed up to work, that he would kick his dick into the dirt for speaking about me that way. We heard what sounded like crying, and then Charlie hanging up. My boss apologized again and said he would see me bright and early tomorrow. I don't even want to go in but I'm a fucking work horse and ain't gonna let some wimpy and whiny little bitch scare me off from making my money. Fuck that guy. (My bestie checked Charlie's facebook and he is now posting about hating women and bashing me for getting him fired. He clearly believs he is the victim but what can we expect from an someone with that kind of mindset. I made sure to block him and his phone number.) \​ \[At my wits end\](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/omz7wq/at\_my\_wits\_end/)\\- July 18 2021 The double wedding of my fiance and I and my best friend and her fiance is in less than a week. My best friend (Barbara) and I have been frantically trying to finish everything before Tuesday as our wedding is on a Thursday. Both our fiance's (Bill and Dave) have been trying to nail down everything else. This week has been an absolute nightmare and I no longer see my therapist because I am moving out of state soon, so I am getting on here to vent. I have taken a leave of absense from work to focus on wedding things and moving things while trying to be a good mom to my son but things have been spiraling and for the life of me I can't figure out how to chill the hell out and just relax. I'm neurotic as hell. It's been a bit since I updated everyone but wanted to get on here to vent and to give that update. A lot has happened. On another subreddit I posted about a co-worker (Charlie) who is an incel. He harassed, threatened and disrespected me until he was fired in less than two days from the start of his employment. I blocked him after he was fired. Feel free to look at my history for that story. I figured blocking Charlie would be the end of it but it hasn't stopped. Charlie continuously makes new accounts to circumvent the block just to keep contacting me. I get clients through facebook so I am constantly checking my message requests and there is always a message from Charlie. One in particular was him threatening to tell my husband he and I are sleeping together just to split us up so I would be with him. Even if he succeeded, I'd sooner hang myself than be with him. I just block him and move on with my day. My mother's brothers are now contacting me demanding I drop the charges against my narcissistic mother so she can move on with her life. She's suffered enough because of me and I should be grateful to her. She has lied to them about everything and told them that I stole money from her, beat her up and denied her the chance to spend time with my son. They also want to see my son. I told them that the case file is public record and they can easily find the truth but I wasn't going to cater to their bullshit. I don't trust my uncles. One of them is a convicted sex offender on the national registry for molesting his own daughter. The family has denied everything to protect my uncle and harassed his daughter's mother to the point she almost committed suicide. I told both my uncles that they are only making things worse for NM and I would be talking with the police if they continue to contact me about her. Barbara's mother (Karen) has continued to be a pain in our asses. She has called and harassed our wedding services until three of them called us to cancel just to avoid the constant harassment. I am now having to buy pre-made bakery cakes because no bakery can make two (small) wedding cakes on such short notice. I am not a baker. I couldn't crumb coat a cake even if I tried. I burn cookies. I can cook stove-top but ask me to bake you a tray of cookies is just asking to receive hockey pucks instead. Yes, it's that bad. I'm terrible at baking. I'm the type of mother that buys store bought cupcakes and smears the frosting to make them look homemade. I've done this for many of my son's sporting events. I can't be bothered to waste money on something I know I will screw up so I go with this option. My fiance teases me about it. I swear moving now is just throwing a wrench into wanting to sue Karen, the baker and the photographer but we're all so ready to be away from here and move on with our lives. Thankfully a friend of mine has a professional style Nikon camera she uses for nature photography and agreed to be our photographer. Yes, we're paying her. Barbara and I are frantically trying to finish making our wedding favors and centerpieces. My MIL is helping but she can only do so much with her arthritis. While we are trying to get our deposits back, we have now had to shell out more money for a new catering service and securing them has been a colossal nightmare. Thankfully they cater a lot of Bill's work events so he is on friendly terms with them and they agreed to do it as a favor to him, after a lot of begging and bribes. Karen continues to show up to our house at all hours of the day and night to pound on our door but she always leaves before the cops get here. She's also turned several people in town against us and our cars have been vandalized several times when we are not at home but at restaurants and stores. We come out to find our tires slashed, our cars keyed or nasty notes written on our windows. My windshield has been busted and Barbara's side mirrors broken off. Someone had keyed "whore" into my driver's side door. The police can't do anything because Karen cannot be directly tied to it all but we know it's her. It happens too often for it to be just some random punk kids playing around. We have spent so much money to fix our cars. We are planning to sell the cars before we move. I'm so ready for this wedding to be done and over with. I'm ready to move. We're not bothering with a honeymoon because we're moving to a place that's close to a beach. (Roughly a 15 minute drive) I'm eager to move into my new house that has a beautiful enclosed patio and a nice garden area I can plant vegetables. So far, that's the update. I'll keep you all updated when I can. \​ \[Entitled woman demands I make coffee for my wedding\](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/op05tt/entitled\_woman\_demands\_i\_make\_coffee\_for\_my/)\\- July 21 2021 So, as evident by my name, I love coffee. I love experimenting with different beans, different blends, flavors and various concoctions. My job somewhat revolves around coffee. I have clients who love coffee as much as I do so working with something I love is a pretty sweet deal. I've been drinking coffee since I was pretty young. I needed the extra energy for school as a teen and became hooked. Back then a simple black coffee with sugar was enough but now that coffee has evolved over the last couple of decades, I love trying new things. I follow the TikTok coffee trends, trying out what they suggest to varying forms of failures and success. I recently decided to try the Dalgona Coffee trend which is blending instant coffee, sugar and water into a thick paste and spooning it over white milk. It tastes delicious and pretty similar to what you would find in a cafe. I drink way too much coffee and it's mainly for the taste at this point. Instead of going through the tedious process of pulling out my handmixer, I have taken to mixing the instant coffee, sugar and water in a bowl then pouring it over the milk. It tastes exactly the same. It has now become a regular in my daily coffee routine. I am getting married in just a few days. My fiance and I are having a double wedding ceremony with my best friend (Barbara)and her fiance (Dave) and there won't be many there. Due to the rise of this new variant of Covid, we trimmed the fat and uninvited quite a few of our guests. No one was happy with this but they understood. We narrowed it down to 20 people, even if that's still a bit high for me but our seating arrangements mirror CDC restrictions. This is mostly to accommodate me because I am a germophobe and neurotic and panic if someone coughs near me. Covid has amplified this. Thanks, anxiety! Judging by the title of this post, you may be wondering why my wedding has anything to do with coffee. Here is where it gets weird...and annoying. Our guest list includes a few people from each side of our families. I have zero because I am NC with practically everyone from my family. (See previous posts as to why) My fiance's parents come from "old money." They are loaded but are grounded and exceptionally kind people. My MIL is an amazing woman whom I look up to as an example. Her sister, my aunt-in-law (We'll call her Bitch Nuggets or BN for short) is not as grounded, wholesome or kind. She is a total "karen" and mistreats everyone, including her own sister (My MIL) who just takes it in stride. BN calls the manager whenever there is an issue, no matter where she is. She once demanded the manager of a playground because the kids were "playing too loudly." Spoiler Alert: There is no manager of a public playground. (She decided to complain to MIL about it, and she was embarrassed when no one sided with her on it) The only person that BN isn't a complete jerk to is my fiance, Bill. They have always been close but Bill acknowledges BN has some eccentricities that make others want to avoid her. Because I love telling my Reddit family every little shitty thing that happens, here is what happened today: Barbara and I are at the church, sampling some of what the catering is going to make for us so we can make any last minute changes a few days ahead of time. BN is there joining us, along with MIL and FIL. I make a couple changes to suit a few people on our list to accommodate their food allergies and to switch out the turkey for chicken, while asking to include a vegan alternative for my fiance's cousin who is vegan. I have my lazy Dalgona coffee with me. I take a sip and Barbara asks if she can have a sip too. I hand it to her and she sips it and tells me it tastes really good and asks if I can make her one when we get home. BN suddenly snatches the coffee cup from Barbara and puts her rancid lips all over the coffee lid and audibly slurps it up. She sets the cup down and tells me it was the best coffee she's ever tasted and said I HAVE to make it for the wedding feast. If this was a morning wedding, I would maybe consider it, but it's a late afternoon wedding and not everyone drinks coffee like that. I also don't want to spend the extra money making gallons of coffee that will just go to waste. I'm already a little annoyed that she just contaminated my coffee by putting her gross ass lips on it, so I am pretty short with her. I tell her no and we continue with the tasting. Now BN is complaining about everything she is being handed and says none of it will do. Barbara and I quickly knock her down a few pegs and tell her this is our wedding, not hers. She then makes a low balled comment about us being dykes, even though we are both straight and marrying our fiance's...who are men. (She knows this. She's just being a salty bitch.) Both Barbara and I look at one another, then to my IL's. I don't have the time to do the tasting again because the wedding is in a few days but Barbara and I both agreed we had heard enough from BN and we get up to leave. My MIL follows us quickly because she doesn't like confrontation but I overhear my FIL calling her a hateful bitch as we were leaving. I intentionally left my cup behind because after she touched it, I wanted nothing to do with it. BN ended up calling me an hour or so ago to apologize and blame her behavior on her having a bad day. I reminded her that she was with me all day and if I had done something to annoy her, she needed to speak up. She said it wasn't me and that she reacted horribly. I forgave her because she is my fiance's aunt and I do like the woman when she isn't being so heinous. I told her how to make the coffee but explained the reason we aren't doing coffee at the reception. She insisted we have some for her there because like me, she's a coffee enthusiast. We compromised and now I have to make two gallons of lazy Dalgona coffee for her to pick up later on tonight. I'm too damn nice for my own good sometimes. This isn't the usual entitled people type story and it ended relatively quickly. I just wanted to get on here and vent a little. Thanks, fam. Edit: Thanks for the comments of support and criticism. Yes, I know I go beyond what I should to compromise but I only did it so she would shut up about having the coffee at the wedding. Bitch Nuggets goes from 0-100 for the dumbest reasons and to avoid causing any unnecessary drama just before my wedding and subsequent move out of state, I am avoiding participating in any sort of fight or argument as much as I can. I'm juggling motherhood, wedding preparations, moving and a whole lot of other stuff and I just don't have the motivation to deal with BN, Karen or anyone else's bullshit. I agreed to make the two gallons just to shut her up. I told her if she stopped hassling me about having the coffee at the wedding, I would make her the two gallons. I paid for the supplies, which came to 10$ roughly. Not a big loss, so I'm not worried about it. She picked them up earlier and apologized again for her behavior earlier. My fiance had had a talk with her about the disrespectful comment she made toward me and Barbara and she said it was meant to be a joke but she accepts that she was 100% in the wrong to say something so offensive to me and Barbara. I believe her apology in sincere. Bill also reminded her that this is our wedding and she has no say in anything. She is welcome to share her opinion but if we don't want it, we won't have it. That includes homemade iced coffee. She's not as bad as most entitled assholes I've read about in this subreddit or the entitled psychos that make up the bulk of my former family. She even shit talks Karen, Barbara's mother regularly to MIL because they often see each other in town. She often barks at managers and shit talks us, but she's never gone to out of control lengths and her behavior is limited to complaining and some backhanded shit talking. To clarify about the wedding in case anyone is wondering, we are spending roughly 5000$ on the entire wedding. Everything was done on the cheap. The most expensive thing we've paid for is the catering. The church we are getting married in is hosting us for free as my MIL and FIL are regulars there and the priest is a very nice guy. 5000$ for a wedding is dirt cheap compared to some other weddings, but we are doing this as low key, and as cheap as possible to preserve what money we have for the big move. We managed to get our deposits back on the services that canceled on us, thanks to Barbara's mother, Karen, so we are paying the new services with them. I bought two bakery cakes that are decorated nicely and had some flowers and edible beads put on them to make them look more wedding cake like. My IL's are paying for a security service which is the only thing they are paying out of pocket for. We planned for this wedding to be so cheap because to us, it's not about having the most extravagant wedding but that we want it to be us joining our lives together and we wanted to do it with a small budget. It was a challenge and a stressful one but we managed it. Tomorrow is another busy day. Our wedding is this Friday and we all fully expect something to go wrong but we hope it all goes right. I doubt I will make any more updates until after we have moved and settled into the new house. I'll see you all again soon. Edit 2: It's now midnight and I am unable to sleep, so I want to update everyone on what happened today. There was no major drama, thankfully but there was a minor hiccup that was resolved quickly. While Barbara and I were getting dressed, Karen showed up. She begged us to let her come to the wedding and I was sticking to my guns but poor Barbara felt bad and convinced me to let her stay. We both agreed that if Karen behaved herself and kept her mouth shut, she could at attend. Karen agreed to this and the ceremony went on as normal. Karen and Barbara spoke at the reception. Barbara told me that she set some very firm and clear boundaries and Karen begrudgingly agreed. She congratulated us and left before dinner service. It's not what I wanted today but it went okay. I'm now married to Bill again and our son is very happy. Brandon is sleeping at his grandparents (My IL's) and me and Bill got a hotel room while Barbara and Dave have the house to themselves. We're all meeting up tomorrow for lunch and to finish packing. We were going to fly to the new state but FIL suggested that we make it into a road trip and handed Bill the keys to his camper van. It's not a large camper van but it's enough for us to comfortably ride in. We will stop to see American landmarks on our way, get plenty of pictures, eat and get a hotel room whenever it gets late. The trip is going to take around three days depending on how often we stop. We're leaving Monday morning. I've never been a fan of road trips but it's a nice thing my FIL did to offer the van to us so I'm going to suck it up and try enjoying myself. This is also going to be our honeymoons. I want to thank everyone for the love and support these last few weeks. I truly appreciate all of the kind words, awards and messages you all sent to me and how much strength you all gave to me when I was at my weakest. Some of your advice I had given to others who were going through problems with their own families and I have never felt more validated for the pain I had gone through in my life at the hands of my mother. I feel so free now and for the first time in my life, I feel like everything is going to be okay. I used to panic at the mere thought of something going wrong but overtime I've overcome that anxiety and believe it or not, the support from Reddit has played a large part in me finding the strength. I'm excited for the future with Bill, excited to watch Brandon grow up, excited to have more kids. Bill and I agreed to wait until we're settled into the new place and our jobs before we start trying for more kids. It may sound cliche, but this man is truly my soulmate and I'm excited to see what the future holds for us. Again, thank you all so much for everything. I will never forget it and will find someway to pay it forward. \​ \[Update on everything!\](https://www.reddit.com/user/CoffeFanatic/comments/oqfsyp/update\_on\_everything/)\\- July 23 2021 Hey, Reddit Fam! Today was the wedding and we are all exhausted but excited to finally have it be done and over with. I just wanted to give everyone an update on today's events and our lives. As Barbara and I were getting ready, Karen showed up and begged us to let her come. She won't apologize for anything she's done or said to us but Barbara let her stay as long as she stayed quiet and didn't cause a scene. She agreed. I was apprehensive about it but I vowed not to raise a stink over it. She and Barbara had a talk at the reception and that is between them. She congratulated us all and left before dinner service. Not what I wanted today but it could have been worse. Thankfully my own relatives didn't bother coming. They weren't invited anyway but my aunt (My uncle's ex wife)sent card with some cash inside it from herself and my cousin. The reception went well, we all ate dinner, danced and took plenty of pictures. We're just getting home now and ready to sleep. Tomorrow, the five of us (Me, Bill, Brandon, Barbara and Dave) are gonna finish packing as we are moving to our new home on Monday. I'm so grateful for all of the support you all have given us and thank you from the bottom of my heart. \​ \[Little update!\](https://www.reddit.com/user/CoffeFanatic/comments/oshzwx/little\_update/) – July 27 2021 Hello, family of Reddit It's been a long day of driving but we've finally decided to stop and get a hotel room. We tried to make it another 10 miles but all of us were too tired. I wanted to stop hours ago because my legs were hurting and kiddo kept getting car sick because the roads are so weavy and hilly. Kiddo has thrown a couple epic tantrums from being stuck in the car and I keep questioning why we all wanted to do this but aside from that, we've been having a good time seeing the landmarks we planned on. We decided to stick around for a day here to rest and take in the sights. The scenery is lovely and I want to test out my new camera. Dave and Bill predict we won't even get to our new place for another six days and both seem determined to just drive until we're all falling down tired and hope to hell there's a hotel in the area when we reach that point. Barb and I say no. Brandon has been whining so much today but I honestly can't blame him. Being stuck in a car for hours with no internet or a readily available bathroom or decent means of sleeping can drive the most well behaved children into having fits. Sometimes I wish we had just flown because we'd have been there by now but each time we see a landmark or have something fun to do, I don't regret the decision. I broke down only once on the drive because leaving that place behind brought a lot of emotion out of me. I finally felt free and it was overwhelming. While Bill was driving, I sat in the passenger seat crying my eyes out and thanking the stars that I was finally getting away from the place and people that hurt me so much in my life. I no longer have to worry about them finding me, or destroying my house, or trying to kidnap my son. I'm so fucking thankful that I had built myself up with all of the love and support of my new family and you all that I was able to turn the horrors of my life into a powerful lesson and motivation to prove I am worthy enough of love and able to stand on my own two feet. I am thankful for Bill because he is the greatest man I know and my true soulmate. He is an amazing husband and father and I can't wait to build our family together. I love and adore his parents as they are the parents I wish I could have. I now call his mother, mom because I can't think of a better thing to call her. I am grateful for Barbara and Dave because they are amazing friends and we are kindred spirits. They support me as much as I support them. And I am grateful for Brandon. My son has been the one part of my life that I am most proud of. He is my ray of sunshine and if it weren't for him, I don't think I would be here talking with you all. I know that is a bit cliche but it's the truth. And I am grateful to the people on reddit that have been so supportive and shown so much kindness to a stranger they likely will never meet. You all are wonderful people and I don't think I can ever thank you enough for helping me get through it all. I'll update again once we get to the new place. I know I tend to sound like a broken record, but I can't help myself. I'm just so damn happy. \*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\*

MIL's friend causes problems for me and her own daughter (Part 1)

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InternetAddict104

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yfxyem/mils_friend_causes_problems_for_me_and_her_own/

yfy330

[removed]

Husband who demand dinner be ready who turned out to have cancer. NEW UPDATE

NEW UPDATE

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yfy330/husband_who_demand_dinner_be_ready_who_turned_out/

yfyw0k

I am not the OP, this is a repost sub. Alison’s comments are available at the links but not posted here per her agreement with the mods. Content warning: >!death!< Mood spoiler: >!bittersweet!< [Original post September 2012](https://www.askamanager.org/2012/09/should-i-have-blown-off-a-family-dinner-to-attend-a-work-event.html) I thought you could help settle a dispute my husband and I just had. My boss just now invited me to a reception to a professional conference happening this weekend. I was thrilled to be asked, but politely (and apologetically) declined because we have a long-standing dinner reservation with my husband’s family and his elderly godmother, who is an amazing woman and we haven’t been able to see her in several months. Of course, both events start at exactly the same time. My husband thinks I should have blown off dinner and attended the reception; I feel my decision was correct based on the plans involved and the fact I didn’t receive much notice for the reception. Had I had something less important planned, I would have certainly skipped it. Did I just commit a career blunder? I do make an effort to attend work functions in general, and I think the higher-ups know that. [Update February 2013, 5 months later](https://www.askamanager.org/2013/02/a-dose-of-perspective-in-the-form-of-an-update.html) I wrote to you awhile back about declining a sudden work-related invitation in favor of keeping dinner plans with family that we don’t get to see very often. I opted to keep the dinner plans with my husband’s family and his godmother, because I felt that was more important than attending a reception for which I received a last-minute invitation from my boss. You and nearly all of your readers agreed. Sadly, my husband’s godmother passed away suddenly yesterday morning. The pain of our loss is somewhat lessened by the fact that one of the last things we did with her was take her to a lovely dinner; I will be forever grateful that we didn’t postpone this evening and miss out on this beautiful memory. You might not get another evening with your loved ones, but there will almost always be another work event to attend.

Should OP have blown off a family dinner to attend a work event? (Sobering perspective)

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Cleverusername531

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yfyw0k/should_op_have_blown_off_a_family_dinner_to/

yg222b

[removed]

22[f4m]i’m down for meetup ,full body massage also looking for some cock to milked hmu on snap: romem224310

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rosevee784

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yg222b/22f4mim_down_for_meetup_full_body_massage_also/

yg2e1f

[deleted]

I am finally leaving my homophobic muslim country and my homophobic muslim parents and I will never see them again

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yg2e1f/i_am_finally_leaving_my_homophobic_muslim_country/

ygafhp

**I am not OP.** [ORIGINAL: AITA for ruining Thanksgiving?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rb0fmk/aita_for_ruining_thanksgiving/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) I (30f) met my bf (30m) 3 years ago. Before me he was together with his HS sweetheart. They fell out of love and broke up. A year later we started dating. His mom however was still heartbroken about it. I was very understanding and thought she needed time to get to know me. The ex basically grew up with them and they saw her as a part of the family. For the first year of my relationship his mom would call me ex’s name, until bf got angry once and told her to be nice. She laughed it off and said it was just a habit. After that she started calling me the wrong name. (Janet instead of Jenny; fictional names just for the story). I corrected her a couple of times but she seemed to like hurting me so I ignored it later. My bf has two sisters and a couple of weeks before thanksgiving we were invited to bbq at the older sister’s house. I was in the kitchen with my bf’s mom, the sisters and one of their husbands. The older sister then talked about how my BF praised my cooking to her husband and the mom was listening. She then said iut loud “SURE! Why don’t we let Janet make the turkey this year?”. The sisters giggled and looked at each other and I said “thats a great idea!” I didn’t tell my bf what happened. On thanksgiving we went to his mom’s house with the usual wine and dessert. She was shocked l, everybody was shocked. I said “what? I thought Janet is bringing the turkey!”. There was yelling, crying and then we got kicked out. My bf is so angry with me he hasn’t talked to me since. I think it’s over tbh. But I still don’t think I did anything wrong! Did I? *Judgement: NTA* [UPDATE: AITA for ruining Thanksgiving?](https://www.reddit.com/user/Throwawaygivings/comments/revywd/update_aita_for_ruining_thanksgiving/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) Hi everyone! I don’t know how to start this but I want to say WOW. I did not expect this amount of support. Thank you for the NTA. I will answer some questions before the update if you’re not interested skip to the last paragraph Thanksgiving is usually held at MIL’s or the oldest daughter’s (f32) because they have the biggest dining rooms. It’s usually the same people bringing the same dishes and it has been like this for years. MIL is in charge of the turkey, my bf the dessert etc. I don’t know if they call each other to check up. I have been to one before with bf and we brought dessert. MIL and I have no direct contact (If you see my text conversation with her it looks like I’m that creep that slides into you dm every now and then with a Hi except I send congratulations on bdays or Christmas/Easter greetings etc). She never talked to or about me, not even with bf, and even if I was in the same room as her she would talk about me in a third person. At the bbq her main issue was that SIL and her husband were discussing my cooking in a positive way saying that they wanted me to invite them to dinner sometime. MIL got triggered and that started what went down, so even if it sounded weird for many here, it wasn’t really if you know her. At thanksgiving, only the ones knowing about “Janet” understood what was going on, the SIL’s, FIL etc, the rest were just confused and horrified. My boyfriend was very confused and angry with his mom for wanting to kick me out and told her he was leaving too. I live 5 minutes drive from MIL. that was all the time I had to explain. He got really pissed so he dropped me off and drove away. I have no idea what he did afterwards nor how the rest of his family celebrated. I ordered in and watched the wheel of time. I texted him apologizing both that same night and the next day and tried calling over the weekend without success. The update: Yesterday I was at a party that both bf and I planned to go to pre-war. He showed up and he hugged and kissed me and we spent the evening together. He asked me if we could go to my place afterwards to talk and I agreed. He told me that he wasn’t mad about what I did but about the fact that I didn’t tell him and that he looked like an idiot because of it. I apologized again. I told him that I don’t think that I could/want to make amends with MIL, ever, and that I’m not sure if that’s what I want for my future. She’s a great grandmother to SILS’ children but would she be the same with ours when she obviously does not and will not like me? I also told him that I can’t be with someone who would ghost me for 2-3 weeks when he’s angry with me. So we broke up. I am sad because I love him very bery much but this is probably for the best in the long run. Many will say MIL won, but I was never in a competition with her. She can think she won because I don’t care and at least now she will start using my name when addressing bf’s next girl. update from u/Throwawaygivings on 3/13/2022 [We are engaged!!](https://www.reddit.com/td43pz) Hi everyone! Remember me? This has been one wild ride. My bf ghosting me after I ruined his mom’s thanksgiving. We broke up. I heard from mutual friends that he was seeing his HS sweetheart again and I played I wasn’t bothered even though I was dying inside? About a week 3 weeks ago. He texted me out of the blue asking if he could come to talk to me. I told him we could meet out for a walk or maybe a coffee (I didn’t trust having him in my apartment 😂). He agreed. The moment I saw him I knew I was fucked because No matter how much this douche hurt me I still loved him. I played it cool however. He wasn’t as cool and started telling me how hard these past months were for him and how he thought about me and missed me all the time. He apologized about everything that happened. His mom’s treatment of me. Him not thinking it a big deal and not coming to my rescue when she was hurtful. He said he misjudged the situation since I never said anything he thought I had it under control (I thought you were handling her well). He apologized about ghosting me. He said he was very hurt and felt deceived by me (he doesn’t feel that anymore) and that his anger got the best of him. At the time he couldn’t understand why I would do something like this behind his back. When he’s angry he tends to keep away. I asked him about HS sweetheart. He was surprised I knew about it. He said she reached out to him when she heard he was single again. His mom probably arranged that. It didn’t work however and he told her he wasn’t interested after a couple of weeks of dating. Now for his mom: when she heard he’s broke it off with HS sweetheart, she got mad and threatened to cut him off, especially if he went back to that B (me😅). He’s always been very close with his family. After the thanksgiving fiasco he wasn’t keeping the same contact with them and after his mom’s threats he went no contact (I guess ghosting is his expertise). These last couple of weeks were great. It was like we just picked up where we left. I know it’s not healthy to glance over what happened but for now I just want to be with him and be happy. We will have all of our life hopefully to talk things over and figure out how to be better at communicating. He asked me to marry him on Friday and I said yes. We made an instagram post about the engagement. His mom doesn’t have instagram but she found out somehow because not even an hour later she started bombarding his phone with calls and texts. Nobody from his family but his dad congratulated us yet. He called and congratulated both of us and told me I was his favorite in-law and that he always wished to have me as a daughter. I’m a bit sad tbh. I come from a broken home and when I met bf and saw how welcoming his family was to his ex I counted myself lucky. I thought I was going to have the family I never had and that my children would have a better life than myself. It seems we’re going to have to rely on ourselves and our friends to create this family life I was dreaming of for my children. I don’t know when we’re getting married. We’ve been talking about relocating to London (fiancé is half British). We’ll see what happens but for now I want to say I have never been happier in my entire life. Comment on /r/u_Throwawaygivings on 3/20/2022 >I have no idea why she doesn’t like me (well now she has a reason😂) but before that I don’t know. Most of our dating happened during the pandemic so I literally had very little interaction with her in the beginning. But she probably believes I “stole” him from his former gf, who she loved and thought was a better match, but its not true. I met him over a year after they broke up and he was single. I’m not white and have had a rough childhood. Maybe this was also another reason Comment on /r/u_Throwawaygivings 4/9/2022 >We’re not planning a wedding ir anything. Its just a big waste of money. But I want a long engagement and work on our issues Comment on /r/JUSTNOMIL 6/6/2022 >I’m also a POC with a horrible MIL. After my bf proposed to me we haven’t seen or heard from her even with me living within a walking distance from her house. A blessing even if I feel bad for my fiancé sometimes. We’re moving across the pond and we’re planning a small wedding in south of France or Italy but not in many years. Life is just so good right now. **OP has deleted their account so marked as concluded. Reminder that I am not OP**

Update: OP ruins Thanksgiving

NEW UPDATE

captnspock

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ygafhp/update_op_ruins_thanksgiving/

ygcwbk

[removed]

I am a lesbian (F21) and had drunk sex with my boss (M31)

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ygcwbk/i_am_a_lesbian_f21_and_had_drunk_sex_with_my_boss/

ygd5nh

[removed]

run your Facebook ads campaign and optimization and manage

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anzumanbokul

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ygd5nh/run_your_facebook_ads_campaign_and_optimization/

yghm7x

[removed]

Manipulative Power hungry Aunt torments my family for years. Costs her $300000 + Update

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beerbellybegone

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yghm7x/manipulative_power_hungry_aunt_torments_my_family/

ygl9z6

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Ringanon432 **in** r/AmItheAsshole   trigger warnings: NONE mood spoilers: >!Good for OOP, He is an ass!<   [**AITA for not wanting a ring my fiancé already gave to another girl**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i0mq7h/aita_for_not_wanting_a_ring_my_fianc%C3%A9_already/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) \- 30th July 2020 My now fiancé was engaged a couple years before we got together, and they broke up and she gave the ring back. We’ve been together a few years and a few days ago, he proposed and I was super excited. The ring looked kinda familiar and when I asked him where it was from, he said it was the ring he gave to ex fiancé. I immediately took it off and was like “I don’t want a ring you bought for someone else, it wasn’t meant for me.” He got upset and said it didn’t matter, because it’s not hers anymore it’s mine. My family and friends are split in saying I’m the asshole and I’m justified. I don’t want him to spend a whole other thousand dollars on a ring for me, but I want a ring that was meant for me, not for someone else. AITA?   **Verdict - NTA**   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j2tnca/update_aita_for_not_wanting_a_ring_my_fianc%C3%A9_gave/) \- 1st Oct 2020 I’ve gotten a few messages asking to update, which I’m sad to say will be very boring. We broke up like 2 weeks after the post. He didn’t like that I posted about it on Reddit, therefore he said he definitely wasn’t going to buy me a new ring and that if this was how I was going to be, then he didn’t want to marry me, a bridezilla. I pretty much told him cool, get out of my house. That was about a month ago and he has a new girlfriend, who will probably get the same hand-me-down, ugly ass ring he already gave to 2 other girls. There we go. Book closed.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.** *Disclaimer - I don't think this has been posted on BORU before, I tried to search using OOPs username, post title etc. - which did not generate any results*

OOP - AITA for not wanting a ring my fiancé already gave to another girl

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raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ygl9z6/oop_aita_for_not_wanting_a_ring_my_fiancé_already/

yglwoj

**I am not OP.** Posted by u/TheGrandpaTrowRA on r/relationship_advice   [**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ootdrn/m_granddaughter_16_has_extremely_changed_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) _- July 22, 2021_ Before I start I'd like to say that English is not my first language, therefore I'm sorry for any mistakes in advance. My granddaughter (16, "Linn") lives with me (M67) and my wife (62) since she is four years old. Our daughter (her mother) and her father died in a car accident and we took her in. But lastly, Linn has become very isolated and rude to us. I don't mean with this that she always has to respect us, because we are older, because this, in my opinion, is a stupid concept, but she sometimes calls us names without any reason or refuses to talk to us or eat anything my wife or I cooked. I should probably mentioned that me and my wife are Christians and religious, Linn is not, but we accepted that a long time ago. Two days ago, some packages for my wife were delivered to the door and I opened the door, suddenly my granddaughter comes basically flying down the stairs, grabs one of the packs and runs up to her room. Linnn leaves for a walk with the dog and when I bring the items away to the bathroom, I catch a look through her door and see a rainbow flag hanging on the wall. I'm not someone who likes snooping in people's rooms so I hold back myself from further "investigating" her room and when she comes home I don't say anything. I told my wife, and that I thought she might be a lesbian, but my wife reminded me that my daughter never, ever brought anyone home or mentioned anyone and pretty obviously is not interested in girls. I should also mention that Linn recently cut her hair short and started coloring it - something that's normal for teen girls I guess? I don't know, my wife neither, I think we both are just too old and born too long ago to really relate to our granddaughter a lot. There's another thing my wife noticed, because I usually don't notice such things, but she told me that Linn started wearing less dresses and skirts and "boy clothes" - meaning the shirts you find in the boys department in a store. I don't really mind, but when I saw that rainbow flag I realized that maybe all these changes have to do something with her being a Lesbian. Maybe she didn't tell us because she thinks we will not accept her because we are Christians, and both me and my wife were sadly raised in very homophobic times and environments. But humans can change, and although we maybe are old, we are not stupid, and changed our mind over the years. Me and my wife definitely will accept Linn, we love her, and I don't care whom our granddaughter loves, as long as she's happy. How can I tell that to Linn without giving off that I "snooped" in her room? (I obviously didn't really search her room, but I suppose the rainbow flag was not meant for my eyes.) tl;dr: Accidentally saw a rainbow flag in my granddaughter's room, she has been isolating herself from us for some time. Combined with the behavioral changes and the way her looks changed, me and my wife are guessing that she might be a Lesbian. We are both religious Christians and think she might be too scared to tell us, fearing our rejection. How can we tell Linn that we love her, no matter what?   [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/owacvc/update_my_granddaughter_16_has_extremely_changed/) _- August 2, 2021_ First of all: thank you everyone for the tons and tons of advice we got and thank you so much for all the help, support and offers to explain a lot about the LGBTQ+ community to me and my wife. This really helped us so much! So, long story short, Linn came out as non-binary and bisexual. They told us that in German, they prefer male pronouns (we don't have a neutral pronoun) and neutral nouns for themselves and in English they prefer the pronoun "they", so I'll try to go with this one. I apologize if I happen to use the wrong pronouns, but I've used "she" for 16 years, me and my wife are trying hard to get used to it though because we want our grandchild (I hink that's the neutral form?) to be happy. The long story: someone advised me to ask around in our community for other LGBTQ+ people and this was a good idea. We found out that close to us there is a trans boy (from girl to boy, I don't know if there is a word to describe that) living and I decided to use this as a conversation starter. So when they came down the stairs for dinner, I just decided to ask them: "Did you know that "Sam" is trans? I absolutely support him, he looks so happy." and my wife nodded. Linn looks at us in shock, then surprise, and starts crying and just says: "I know". Five minutes later she came out to us as bisexual and non-binary. They said they've thought about new names because they feel like the old one doesn't really fit them, but they didn't find a good name, so we're currently searching for a new name. I don't fully understand the concept of feeling like something between a woman and a man (because that's how Linn told us they feel) but as long as our grandchild is happy, me and my wife will do everything we can to support them. And we will protect them. We know that there are a lot of homophobes in the world, and sadly also among other Christians. This is not okay and never will be. To my fellow homophobic Christians in my private messages: you don't go to hell for being queer, just like you don't go to heaven for being heterosexual or cisgender. Thank you. Thank you everyone again for the advice, it really helped a lot! Me and my wife sure still have to learn a lot about the LGBTQ+ community and we will help our grandchild wherever we can. And by the way, I showed Linn this post and they agreed to take name suggestions from you guys, too. If anyone has a good idea, please tell us! They'd prefer a masculine or neutral name. Thank you again!   ------------------------------------------------ **The grandchild came out as ENBY please use They/Them pronouns.**

M granddaughter (16F) has changed and is isolating herself from us. I think she might be lesbian but is afraid of telling us because we are religious Christians. How to tell her that we accept her?

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rainingsakuras

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yglwoj/m_granddaughter_16f_has_changed_and_is_isolating/

ygmg9v

Originally posted in r/AmItheAsshole by u/throwaway92841k 2 months ago, with the update added to the original post. Bit surprised with the judgement on this one. ​ **ORIGINAL**: [AITA for comparing my dad to my stepdad after he kept comparing me to my older brother? : AmItheAsshole (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xb6508/aita_for_comparing_my_dad_to_my_stepdad_after_he/) \- 11th September 2022 My dad was lecturing at me today. Most of it was about how I need to try harder at school and get better grades. I already try hard at school, it’s not like I am slacking. I am not as naturally smart and tbh it pisses me off that he doesn’t think I’m working hard. My dad kept comparing me to my older brother “Peter” (who’s currently a student at Yale). I hate it when he does this because it just makes me feel super dumb and even if I spent all my waking time studying, I can’t be like Peter. Btw I’ve told my dad before that I hate being compared to Peter and asked him to please stop, and he said he would (this was a few months ago). So I started comparing my dad to my stepdad who I know my dad doesn’t like, saying things like how my stepdad makes a lot more money than him, takes us on fancy vacations, makes my mom a lot happier, is way more fun and is a way better dad. The last part was an exaggeration, they’re both great dads (and my stepdad is more of a buddy than a dad) but I wanted to get under his skin and I knew this would. It made him really upset. He told me to stop but I kept pushing and said some more things to make him uncomfortable. I stopped when he started crying. I obviously feel bad for causing him distress but I also feel like he was getting a taste of his own medicine and getting a sense of how it feels when he does that to me. AITA in this situation? ​ *Relevant comments*: \- \[clarifying what was glossed over in the last paragraph\] I said both Peter and I wish our stepdad was our biological dad and that our mom had never met my dad ​ *Judgement*: NTA ​ **UPDATE**: Update - 11th September 2022 Thank you for your advice and perspective on the situation, reddit. I texted my dad this morning apologizing for the mean things I said. I told him I said those things because he kept comparing me to Peter. He said it was ok but he was still acting distant with me and wouldn’t even look me in the eyes when I went downstairs and tried to make casual conversation. So then I confronted him about being upset. He believes I meant what I said about wishing my stepdad was my biological dad and wishing my mom had met him first. I apologized again in person and told him that’s not true, that I only said it out of spite, but he’s not convinced :( He did end up apologizing to me for comparing me with Peter and he said he only pushed me about getting better grades because he knows I am capable of it and that he wants me to have as many opportunities as possible for my future. He said he’ll never compare me again with Peter and that he’s sorry he had hurt me that way. I feel really regretful for being so mean to him yesterday and saying those things that were untrue that now he can’t unhear or unbelieve. I guess it’s a lesson learned on my part to not get caught up in the heat of the moment and say things you can’t take back. ​ *Please note: this is a repost. I am NOT the original poster.*

AITA for comparing my dad to my stepdad after he kept comparing me to my older brother?

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InADustyCorner

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ygmg9v/aita_for_comparing_my_dad_to_my_stepdad_after_he/

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I (18f) Think my (20f) boyfriend is cheating on me

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roselolol

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ygnwg5/i_18f_think_my_20f_boyfriend_is_cheating_on_me/

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DMV took away license for a medical condition Redditor didn’t have.

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Chaosmusic

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ygopc6/dmv_took_away_license_for_a_medical_condition/

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my ex is very active on this sub, so i want to share something with him

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/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ygotdk/my_ex_is_very_active_on_this_sub_so_i_want_to/

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WP - craziest Australian's

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Common_Improvement_9

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ygqg7e/wp_craziest_australians/

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OP tells a mom she’s responsible if her kid dies and then things take a turn

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/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ygsc03/op_tells_a_mom_shes_responsible_if_her_kid_dies/

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I'm [F22] in love with my best friend [M26], he won't leave his loser GF [F24] for me.

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tsabracadabra

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ygslzm/im_f22_in_love_with_my_best_friend_m26_he_wont/

yh1bdr

*I am not the original author. OOP is u/weddinginvite69. The first two posts are in r/AmITheAsshole, and all subsequent posts are on his page.* **Verdict: NTA** [**AITA for telling people that I wasn't invited to a wedding?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xoxlp7/aita_for_telling_people_that_i_wasnt_invited_to_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) posted 26 September 2022 I've been working for my company for 7 years now, five of which have been spent on my current team. There are 15 people on it and I'd say we're all pretty close, relatively speaking. I have a coworker named Bob[33m], who joined the team when I did. During the pandemic he announced to everyone on a Zoom meeting that he was now engaged. Fast forward to this January and Bob says that his wedding would be held in September of this year at a really beautiful winery. About five months ago the invites started coming in for everyone on the team, but mine didn't. I waited a few weeks but nothing came, so I went to Bob and asked if my invite got sent out. He gave me a solemn look and then told me that I wasn't invited because of a "spacing issue". He said he tried to make it work, but just couldn't, and hoped I didn't take it personally. He also said I'd be sure to get wedding favors and a piece of cake. He also asked me to keep it to myself and "please not make a big deal out of it". I honestly didn't know what to say, so I guess I just said "okay" and walked away. I won't lie, I was upset. I hate feeling excluded, and it was doubly worse because everyone else on the team was going except for me. And honestly, I really like weddings, they're usually very fun. I kept it to myself, but I wasn't happy. The day of the wedding came three weeks ago. and it went by without a hitch. Everyone on my team had a grand time and said it was beautiful. The food and party was great as well and apparently everyone got a dozen fresh apple cider donuts to take home. I never did get that cake or wedding favors btw. At work the following Monday my team member, Sherri, told me that everyone was confused as to where I was. Apparently Bob said I was sick and couldn't make it. I was confused and then pissed, I straight up told her I wasn't invited, and left it at that. She looked shocked, and asked me to confirm and I said yes I wasn't invited. Well Sherri told someone, because about five people asked me if I wasn't invited and I said it was true. Today was Bob's first day back from his honeymoon and it must have gotten back to him that I spilled the beans. He approached me in the break room and he was upset that I told Sherri and that it wasn't a big deal I missed the wedding. I said "how would you like to be excluded from something everyone else is going to?" We went back and forth for a bit, before Bob walked away. I was pretty upset, so upset that my project manager came to ask me if I was okay because she heard about me not being invited. I didn't want this to go this far, so I said yes. But other team members came up to me and said that Bob should have invited me, and it was wrong he didn't. Look I realize that it was his wedding day and he's allowed to invite who he wants, but I'm allowed to be upset that I wasn't invited right? So reddit, AITA for telling people I wasn't invited to the wedding and being upset about it? Edit: Sorry I forgot to put in the OP that I'm a 30, male Edit 2: Wow guys, thank you for all the support, my inbox is begging for mercy. [**UPDATE: AITA for telling people that I wasn't invited to a wedding**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xr8xyv/update_aita_for_telling_people_that_i_wasnt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) posted 29 September 2022 I want to thank you all for the responses, especially for the wedding invites. Well I have an update to this story and it took an interesting turn. Bob and I were in the office today. He came to me and asked if we could talk. He asked if we could clear the air over some beers with his wife after work I said okay. After work I meet Bob and his wife "Pam" in a bar. They both apologized for not inviting me, and making me feel excluded. Bob apologized for lying and getting mad about it. The reason they didn't invite me is because they didn't want single guys at the wedding. They went to a big wedding back in 2019 that was ruined when a bunch of drunk, single guys started hitting on the women there. A few of the boyfriends and husbands got pissed and it turned into a big fight. People were arrested and it completely ruined the wedding. I found it hard to believe, but they showed me a couple of Facebook videos of them at a wedding, and it looked the damn Royal Rumble going on. I was even shown a few Facebook statuses confirming their story. Pam said she was sort of traumatized by this and swore they'd have no single guys at their wedding. Well the wedding came and Pam stuck to her guns. Only family, couples, single women or trusted single men were to be invited. Pam said that there were only about 10 single guys there, and they were all family members or groomsmen. She said the party turned out amazing this way since women didn't have to worry about being hit on. Pam said it truly wasn't personal, and that she's so sorry for not inviting me, but would do it again. I asked if she and Bob didn't trust me enough to control myself. She said that Bob vouched hard for me, but she was sticking to her guns. The compromise was that she'd have to explain it if anyone asked, and that Bob got to choose the honeymoon destination. Curiously she said that she had a sister around my age and I was "just her type" and she wanted to keep her away from me. I was a little offended at that, but she says that it's for my own good. Her sister is a little bit of sl*t(her words not mine) and she didn't want her to get her hooks in me(again her words). Bob said he should have handled it better, and he wanted to be honest but it wouldn't have made much of a difference so he hoped I wouldn't mind as much. Plus he figured I wouldn't want to go to a wedding as a single guy anyway. I told them I was kinda hurt, they thought I would act like a creeper at their wedding. Pam assured me that she thought I was a nice, smart, funny guy but she just wanted to make sure their wedding went off without a hitch. They promised to make it up to me, but I told them it wasn't necessary. Pam insisted on it, and said I had to know how sorry she was. So we made plans to have dinner at their expense at a very nice restaurant in the city this weekend. So in the end I guess it wasn't anything I did, but I still feel kind of insulted. But I guess I get a free dinner out of it 🤷🏻 Edit: There are a lot of comments here suggesting that I'm being naive, a doormat and letting them off easy for basically calling me a creep. I won't lie, I think you all might be right. I do believe in taking the high road on most occasions, but I don't think this should be one of those times. As a side note, I don't believe that wanting to see the best in people or taking them at their word makes you naive. I had a call an hour ago with my project manager and explained the entire situation. She advised me to go to HR and make a complaint since it could lead to a hostile work environment. I have a meeting with them Monday. I don't really want to make a formal complaint, just have it on file in case anything happens. Tbh I don't think it will Bob doesn't seem like that kind of person, but I've been wrong plenty of times before. So as per the advice here, I won't be going to dinner with Bob and Pam. I will however insist on a public apology that doesn't imply that I'm a creep. And I'm insisting on some fresh apple cider donuts, not store bought, but fresh. Thank you for making me see the truth reddit. Although I'm dissapointed I'm turning down some wagyu steak, so you all owe me one haha. Final update: I can't post any further updates on this sub, so I'll post updates on my profile. [**Update and More Context**](https://www.reddit.com/user/weddinginvite69/comments/xt22j0/update_and_more_context/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) posted 1 October 2022 Hey everyone, thanks for stopping by! I'm only allowed one update on AITA, and I can provide more detail with a self-post. Unfortunately, there's an update to this story. Honestly, this whole thing is stupid as hell and I really just want to move on and forget this whole thing happened. But reality is often disappointing. But first to clarify a few things: 1. I had to omit a lot of information because of character count in r/AmITheAsshole. 2. I got a few posts and DM's asking why I felt entitled to be invited. I want to make it clear. I don't feel entitled to anything. Yes, I wanted to be invited, but as I said if they had been honest with me from the beginning I wouldn't have minded as much. They were allowed to do what they wanted on their wedding day. My problem was the subterfuge used to mask their choice. 3. I'm usually not this indecisive, but this is a weird situation and I don't exactly know how to handle it. 4. I have never talked to Bob about women, ever. We didn't have that kind of relationship, none of the men on the team do. I think the women do it among themselves, but I can't be sure about it. 5. I'm choosing to believe Pam about her experience dealing with men. If recent years have shown us anything, is that we need to believe women when they say they've been harassed or assaulted. 6. The "trusted men '' were made up of family members and groomsmen who were explicitly told not to flirt with the women. Pam had to turn away some of her single guy friends, and Bob had a shit ton of guy friends who wanted to go but were turned away. 7. Bob and Pam's afterparty was going for a club vibe. Pam and some of her friends had very bad experiences being hit on at clubs and Pam wanted to ensure their safety. She got the idea to exclude guys from going to women only clubs. According to her, the vibe was so much better when women could "get drunk and shake their asses and not be taken harassed by thirsty guys". The women at the wedding appreciated the lack of guys on the dance floor, but some complained about the lack of guys at the wedding. 8. The wedding Royal Rumble happened at the wedding of one of her closest friends. The friend and her husband were devastated their wedding was ruined. It was so bad that they committed to having a five-year vow renewal. Also, they were stuck with a large cleanup bill from the venue for damages. 9. As for me, it was 70/30 on me being invited. It came down to that Pam didn't know me at all outside of my superb Super Mario Maker level design. Bob really fought hard for me, but Pam was too unsure, and then she remembered her sister. 10. According to Pam although she loves her sister to death, her sister is a huge sl\*t and goes from guy to guy with the change of the wind. Apparently I'm dangerously her type and she would have been all over me. I asked what was wrong with that, she said her sister doesn't deserve a "sweet guy like me" and she didn't want her to get her hooks in me. This sealed my fate. 11. Bob said it would look horrible if I wasn't invited. That's when she came up with the compromise of taking the heat for it. He was just hoping that I wouldn't mind not going. 12. Maybe I'm naive, but I'm choosing to believe Bob about feeling horrible about not inviting me. He seemed really broken up about it, either he's a damn good actor or he's telling the truth. 13. He acknowledged that the way he handled it was terrible. According to him there was no way of doing this that wasn't awkward. As for why he lied? Apparently he panicked and couldn't think of anything better. Him getting mad at me for not going along with it wasn't necessarily about me, but being mad at Pam for putting him in that situation. 14. He promised to make a full apology in front of the team when we're all together in the office again in a few weeks. 15. Pam did say that she felt terrible about me and the other guys she had to exclude, but she would do it again to ensure the safety of the women around her. 16. She was extremely insistent on making it up to me. She said that we should be friends going forward and offered a nice home cooked meal to me followed by some wine and a round of Mario Kart. I turned that down. That's when the expensive restaurant solution was offered. 17. I accepted because it seemed like a fair compromise at the time. They didn't even have to really apologize for it, but they were offering me dinner so I took it. In hindsight I shouldn't have, but at that point I just wanted to get out of there and go home. Now for the update: After reading the comments calling me a doormat, I decided not to accept their dinner offer. I called Bob on his work phone to explain my change of heart. He was disappointed, but understood my reasoning. I parroted some of the talking points and he said he understood. He wouldn't make a big deal out of it, and we could just move on. I thanked him for being cool about it, and he hung up. I thought that would be the end of it, but not five minutes later Bob calls me back. I groan and pick up; surprisingly, it was Pam on the other side. She didn't come at me hostile, but she did sound upset. She wanted to know why I didn't want to come anymore. I explained what I told to Bob about how they basically insisted I was a creep. I told her I didn't want to invalidate her experiences, but I didn't have to accept being told I'm a potential sexual predator. She said that she didn't mean it like that, and that she thinks I'm a good person, but couldn't risk it for her wedding. She was practically begging me to meet her in person to clear the air further. She kept on saying that we could be the best of friends if I'd give her a chance to explain better. I said no thanks, and that I had to go, but I'm sorry that she went through what she went through. I ended the call by saying, "btw I didn't even get those donuts", I then hung up. It's been quiet since then, but Bob is back in the office on Monday and I fear Pam might do something…. Drastic… I hope this thing is over, but I fear it might not be. In any case I'll update if anything happens. [**Bob's drunken confession update**](https://www.reddit.com/user/weddinginvite69/comments/xv9m14/bobs_drunken_confession_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) posted 4 October 2022 Hey everyone! So, as I mentioned in my last update, I reached out to Bob and explained that I wouldn’t be taking him and Pam up on their weekend dinner offer. He was disappointed but agreed with me. Pam called me back a few minutes later and fought hard to keep the plans. I declined and left it at that hoping that would be the end of it. It wasn’t….. And now, this silly drama continues. I went in two hours early on Monday so that I could potentially avoid a Bob after-work chat. Surprisingly, Bob came in an hour early, lining him up to potentially leave with me. Bob looked exhausted. And I don’t mean tired; I mean mentally. I’ve seen Bob tired; we've worked many late nights on projects together. I’ve seen him hungover; this wasn’t any of that. I almost can’t describe it; he looked worn down. He shot me a “sup” nod, and I gave him one back, and we got to work. I kept my meeting with HR. Our HR rep is a wonderful lady named “Sally”. I told Sally the whole story, and she said that in her 15 years of HR work, she’s never heard a more stupid story. We shared a good laugh, and she told me that it would be unofficially logged just in case Bob or Pam did anything crazy. She told me she thinks Bob is harmless, but to keep my eyes sharp. The rest of the day was uneventful. The most interesting thing that happened was that I saw Bob’s face buried in his hands for a good minute or so. With two hours to go, I go to the break room for some water. Bob follows me in and approaches cautiously. I gave him a surprised look, and he just threw up his hands as if to say he was not hostile. He said he knows I’m the last person I want to talk to right now, but he needs to talk to me. I said fine, but I angled us over to where the security camera was. Paraphrasing here, but he said, “Look, I won’t ever speak to you again if you don’t want me to, but let me buy you a round and explain all of the things Pam didn’t tell you when we met the other day.” Bob sounded desperate, something I’d never seen from him before. He then hit me with the money quote: “Look man, I could really use a friend right now, and I’ve always considered you a friend.” Well sorry to disappoint everyone here, but I’m a big gullible softie. I agreed to talk with him, but I told him that there would be absolutely no more “meetings” on this situation after this. He agreed and said he’d meet me after work. After work, we walked to our usual bar, the same one I met him and Pam the first time. I suspected Pam might be there, but she wasn’t. Nevertheless, I kept my eye open for her. Once we sat down, Bob apologized yet again. This one seemed even more genuine than the first. I told him he didn’t need to keep apologizing; I got it the first time. He said that he had to apologize because there’s a lot more to the story about the wedding than I thought. Bob explained that he fought Pam like hell to get her to give up the single men’s exclusion, but she was dead set on it. They argued for months, and a lot of people offered different solutions. Bob suggested a smaller wedding with only immediate family and friends, but Pam shot that down. She always dreamt of a big wedding with lots of people there, and a small wedding didn’t fit her dream. Her parents said, “why not hire a security guard?” Pam said that she wanted the possibility eliminated completely. She said that a few single men could stand to not be invited to a party for once in their lives. Bob said he had a lot of friends who wanted to come and that they would be hurt if they weren’t invited. Pam said she was making sacrifices too; a lot of her guy friends wanted to come. Bob finally relented and said if the exclusion were to happen, he wanted nothing to do with that decision and wanted it known that it was out of his hands. Pam said she’d take the heat for it if it came to that, but didn’t think people would go crazy over it. She also gave Bob the choice of their honeymoon destination since he was making a big sacrifice. They went to the French Riviera if anyone is curious. Bob said the wedding, reception, and party were amazing. He said that so many women there were drunk off their assess and falling over themselves. Apparently, they did feel safe, but a drunk vocal minority was complaining about the lack of “hot guys to dance with”. Bob even laughed because one of them was going around calling it a “Lesbian wedding” since there were only women there. Oh, and some women were absolutely hitting on the handful of single guys there, but Pam didn’t mind that as much. Bob said he wasn’t rubbing it in, just setting up a point. After the honeymoon, they came home to what Bob described as a “PR firestorm”. Apparently, Pam had lied to her guy friends about why they weren’t invited. One of her close friends let slip the real reason they weren’t invited. They were effing furious. She was flooded with angry calls and messages from her friends about Pam essentially calling them potential sexual predators. Pam explained her position multiple times to her friends, but it fell on deaf ears. She has lost MANY friends over this. One of the guys said, “if you think that I’m a rapist then why the fuck are we even friends?” Pam has been crying for days, and her work life has become terrible; she might even need to leave her job. By this point, Bob had a few hard drinks and was tipsy, so he let loose a little more. He said that her decision had cost him friends of his own. So many of his guy friends were furious to learn they were excluded, and for the reason why. On the day of the wedding, about six or so of his closest friends who were excluded decided to go on a fishing trip as a “screw you” to Bob and Pam. The cherry on top of the petty cake? They decide to donate $500 and some items to a local woman’s shelter. Bob was devastated, and none of those guys are returning his calls or messages. Even their families are upset with them over the exclusion. Pam’s parents are publicly supportive, but chastise her behind the scenes. She doesn’t have anyone but her bridesmaids and about three other friends who believe in her cause. Bob said at one point that Pam was hysterical and screaming “why can’t anyone just understand my point of view?!”. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but there was more to this crazy story. At this point, we were about an hour in and Bob was nice and tipsy. So, I pried for more information. Bob said that at first, Pam was sticking to her guns that the exclusion was a good idea, but she was starting to waiver a little bit. She said that most people understood where she was coming from, but that it was too heavy-handed, and even a little sexist. Bob and Pam have had multiple blowups over this whole situation, and they’re not in a good place right now. He said that instead of feeling giddy about his new wife and basking in the glow of being married, he’s harboring a ton of resentment towards her because she’s cost him a lot of his friends and ruined their lives over a stupid party. As for me? Apparently, Pam really likes me. One of her biggest regrets about this entire situation is not getting to know me better before the wedding. He said, that Pam thinks I’m one of the coolest people she’s ever met. I asked Bob how she made that determination from a 15-minute chat, and he laughed and said: “I don’t know man, she probably has a crush on your or something.” I laughed, but that made the situation a little bit weird. As for Pam’s sister? She is a sl\*t, but not in the way you may think. Bob explained that Pam’s sister “Beth” is by all accounts a very smart, successful, respectful woman. She just so happens to like sex. Bob explained that Beth is really into the kink scene and is into things like ethical non-monogamy. She frequently mentions her adventures to Bob and Pam, and it got them into the lifestyle as well. I was a little surprised, and I asked for clarification, and he said “yeah, she kind of got us into some of that stuff.” I was shocked, I mean how often do you hear that your co-worker is into BDSM? But hey, no kink-shaming from me. So, it turns out that Beth isn’t some soul-sucking, homewrecking, out-of-control succubus, she’s just a regular woman who loves sex. Bob said that Pam was scared that we would hit it off. We share many of the same interests and have similar personality types according to Bob, Pam wasn’t lying about that, nor that I was exactly her type. She likes tall guys, and from what I’ve heard, she’d have been all over me if she found out I was single. Well, now I was curious, so I asked Bob if he had a picture. He pulled up her Instagram, and I must say she was damn gorgeous. She looked like Pam’s twin, only she was a little bit thicker. I’m not gonna lie, I was pretty pissed at Pam all over again lol. Bob said that Pam has always been a little jealous of Beth. I don’t know why, Pam is a stunner herself, and looks just like Beth. Bob said that as a FU to Pam, he’d give her my Insta so we can DM each other, and he’d put in a good word for me. I thanked him profusely lol. He said that Pam was so desperate to make amends with me because I made a big impression on her, and she thinks that we’d be really good friends if we hung out. Bob said that she was just grasping at straws at this point. She’s lost all of her friends, and she wanted to make another one. He said that he’d reign Pam in so that she wouldn’t bother me anymore. By this point, Bob is more than tipsy. He says that he’s having doubts about this marriage because the wedding process and aftermath have been a nightmare. He thinks it’d be really shallow to divorce her over this, but his life has been ruined by her choices. I was shocked, and he said “don’t tell Pam please”. I swore that I wouldn’t tell her anything. Bob paid for our drinks, and he was gonna take public transportation home, but I told him he needs an Uber. He fought me on that, but I insisted and he agreed to take one. I put him in the Uber and sent him on his way. An hour later, Pam texted me from his work phone. She told me: “thank you for taking care of my hubby, you’re a good person.” I didn’t respond. And that brings us to now. I hope that this is mostly the end of it, but it seems like Pam might be desperate and do something rash. In any case, I’ll keep you fine folks updated. [**New update: A date with Beth**](https://www.reddit.com/user/weddinginvite69/comments/y2rrkk/new_update_a_date_with_beth/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) posted 13 October 2022 Hey everyone, nothing major has happened, but I have a small update. Bob was true to his word and gave Beth my Instagram. She messaged me last week and we got to talking. The conversation went so well that we agreed on a coffee date this past weekend. Well, sorry to disappoint the naysayers here, but the date went extremely well. We talked about a lot: our hobbies, interests, futures, jobs, and families. Bob was right, we are remarkably similar, even down to some of our specific food tastes. The date went so well that we met at a bar next to her office for some after-work drinks. And yes, that date went amazing as well. Now here's the part I think you're all going to like. We're going to do a hike this coming weekend, and along the way, we're going to make a stop at the winery where Bob and Pam had their wedding and pick me up some GODDAMN APPLE CIDER DONUTS. I think if all goes well with this date, I'm going to ask her to be my girlfriend, she just feels special. So that's it. I'll let you know how that hike date goes, but honestly, I think this situation is mostly settled now. Bob has been keeping his distance, but hooked me up, and Pam hasn't been in contact with me for a week now. After the hike, it'll probably be my last post. I don't intend on milking this thing for unnecessary drama. Thanks all [**Update IV: The Final Chapter?**](https://www.reddit.com/user/weddinginvite69/comments/y6nt3i/update_iv_the_final_chapter/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) posted 17 October 2022 Hey all I want to thank you all for sticking with me through this crazy ass saga. And also for the congratulations for getting with Beth. It means a lot. Now on to the update. As I mentioned last time, me and Beth had met and had gone on a few dates. She's truly an amazing woman. She's smart, funny, driven and very nice. I'm absolutely smitten with this girl lol. Well, we had a hike this past Saturday and it was beyond amazing. The weather was perfect, the foliage was beautiful, and the view from the top of the mountain was amazing. We had a picnic at the top of the mountain, and during a lull in the conversation, I summoned all of my courage and asked her if she'd like to be my girlfriend. I was waiting for a more opportune time, but I guess I just got swept up in the moment and view. She smiled, laughed and said I was the corniest person alive for asking in such a cliché place, but she said that she loved corny and cliché. She said yes, and we sealed it with a kiss. On our way back, we finally stopped by the winery where Bob and Pam had their wedding and man it really was beautiful. It had panoramic views of the mountains, and the vineyard was very pretty. But I wasn't here for the view, I was here for some GODDAMN APPLE CIDER DONUTS. Funny enough, we got there kinda late and almost missed the fresh donuts for the day. Thankfully we got some of the last batches. God those donuts were absolutely delicious. We got two dozen each and and even got some apple filling cider donuts. The wait was worth it. Afterward we went back to her apartment and made dinner together. I've never had such an amazing date with a woman. It was just perfect. I didn't want to leave, but I couldn't be presumptuous. When I picked up my keys to go, she grabbed them from me and said and I quote: "if you seriously think you're leaving, then you're out of your fucking mind". I must have had the biggest smile on my face. So we spent the rest of the weekend together. We had a wonderful Sunday brunch, and a nice walk around our city holding hands going into stores and sightseeing. Unfortunately for me, we had to part last night because we had work in the morning. I was damn near in tears lol. This is going to sound dramatic as hell, but I've spent the last few hours at work being totally miserable that I'm not with Beth. It's like when you're in high school and you get your first boyfriend/girlfriend and you can't stand to be apart from each other. But you don't want sappy love stories, you're here for the drama. Well, me and Beth made it Instagram official on Sunday, and apparently Pam saw it on her sister's profile. She texted Beth on Sunday night, "how do you know OP?" She said, "Bob introduced us". Pam only replied with, "I knew this would happen". We figured that might mean trouble down the road, but we don't care, Pam can be as mad as she wants. This morning, I actually went up to Bob and thanked him for introducing me to Beth. He explained that he and Pam had a huge fight over him introducing us. He said he didn't care about it though, it was worth it just to get us together and was a "big FU" to Pam. I told him I'd buy him a round as a thank you, but he said don't worry about it, and that it was the least he could do. So that's it for this update. I'd like to hope that this is the end, but Pam seems pretty upset with us being together. Either way, I'm just so happy with Beth, she's a once in a lifetime kind of person. And rest assured I'll update if anything further happens. Peace and love. *Reminder: this is not my story.*

AITA for telling people that I wasn't invited to a wedding?

NEW UPDATE

green_girl15

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yh1bdr/aita_for_telling_people_that_i_wasnt_invited_to_a/

yh56b3

[removed]

I'm in love and I need help

NEW UPDATE

Specialist-Novel-626

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yh56b3/im_in_love_and_i_need_help/

yh5c9k

[removed]

The burned Pokemon cards saga - Cole has his day in court

NEW UPDATE

one-man-circlejerk

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yh5c9k/the_burned_pokemon_cards_saga_cole_has_his_day_in/

yh5rlx

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/2thinkcritically in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xuihjx/asked_my_husband_if_he_still_loved_me_his_answer/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (3 Oct 22) **Asked my husband if he still loved me. His answer: You ask some difficult questions** So, as I posted before, I’ve going through a lot at home. I’ve anxiety and my husband doesn’t know how to cope with it. Now, I believe he simply doesn’t want to cope. We visited my doctor together, so he could understand a little bit about the situation (generalized anxiety disorder and depression). Terrible idea. He criticized me all the time, blamed me for not getting better, and at the end said he didn’t believe we could work out anymore. Yes, he said that to my doctor who was trying to make him understand how GAD and Depression are affecting me. At the end, I was crying and he was angry at me and at the doctor. He insisted I took him to a couple’s therapy without his consent. The next day I asked him the question I posted. When he couldn’t answer if he still loved me, I removed my wedding ring and said we were done. I couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t answer this simple question. More than a decade together and that’s how he answered me. He apologized, cried and said he doesn’t love me anymore. My anxiety has destroyed his feelings for me. I’m heart broken, but relieved, because I couldn’t spend my energy on this relationship, when clearly I was the only one fighting for it. At least now, I know it’s over. However I feel lonely, since I will have to fight this mental disorder all by myself (family lives far away). I must get better for my children and I. I cannot move out right now, nor him. We will have two different bedrooms, while sharing the house. We will also talk to a mediator, in order to organize the separation while I’m fighting against GAD and depression. I hope it’s gonna help. We have the kids and they don’t know yet how to tell them. I feel like I failed this family. And I’m afraid I’m will end up getting worse. Tell me how did you cope with all of this, if you went through similar situation in your past. I need some hope. Thanks for reading [Update 1 ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y6cvzy/update_asked_my_husband_if_he_still_loved_me_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (17 Oct 22) **UPDATE - Asked my husband if he still loved me. His answer: You ask some difficult questions** Hello you all. First of all, thanks for the kind messages and PM I received. I cannot thank you guys enough. I just wanna make an update and also vent a little bit. So, after the decision to get separated, things got better at home. I believe that a weight has been removed from our shoulders, so we had almost no arguments. We were being kind to one another and my anxiety got better, as well as my depression. Things were so good that we made the mistake of sleeping together. That gave me lots of hope. Maybe, we would find our way back together. After that, we talked. I told him we could not repeat that. I still have feelings for him, so it would hurt me a lot if the sex meant nothing to him. We had a mediation session and tears were all over. We agreed he would no longer hug me when I left in the morning. The mediator said we had to cut those physical connections to avoid repeating the same mistake. Also, he would clear his office which would become my new bedroom. It was difficult, but we cut off the hugs after a couple days. He, on the other hand, asked for the day off at work. I though it would be to clean the office, but no. Later he told me he has an internal fight. he didn't want the separation (????), but he believed that it was necessary, because we were not happy together. I remind him he is the one who doesn't love me anymore, and that I am unhappy due to my depression. A couple days later we were discussing something and messages kept popping up on my phone. It was a Reddit male friend (call X) who has the same name as a friend (call Z) I have over here. This same day, I would go to a party where Z would be attending. My ex got a bit uncomfortable and asked me if Z and I were flirting. I said no, and explained that the messages were from X, who lives in another country. He was clearly jealous and when I returned from the party, my ex tried to have sex with me, which I denied. The next day, we talked about that and I asked him about his feelings. I ensured him I was not interested in other people. Also, that, once again, we could not have sex if he didn't love me anymore. I asked him if he was unsure about his feelings, but He said he was just horny, nothing else. I felt so disrespected. He knew about my feelings and tried having sex with me because he was horny??????? The next days I kept sending him photos of the new furniture I would need to buy for my new room. I was asking him some advices regarding the size of them. None of them was good: too big, too small, to expensive...After that, I reminded him that he needed to clean the office. I told him that sharing a room was making things difficult for me. So, I asked him if he was having second thoughts, because he was delaying it, plus, he was issues with every suggestion I made regarding the furniture. He didn't even think twice before answering: "Nah, I am being just lazy. You are complicating things." He suggested I could clean it myself. I reminded him that this was his job, and that we had agreed on that during the mediation. Yeah, this super sincere answer hurt, but...Now we are back to arguments. Again, he does not accept my emotions and get angry or rude to me, anytime I say something he doesn't like. Sometimes I feel like he deliberate confuses me, so I don't move on. [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yayvn4/update_2_asked_my_husband_if_he_still_loved_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (22 Oct 22) **UPDATE 2: Asked my husband if he still loved me. His answer: You ask some difficult questions.** Just a quick update. We had a mediation session earlier this week. I spoke about the mixed signals he sent me, how they confused me and gave me hope. The Mediator said exactly what you guys said: “there is not coming back now, you made your decision clear, Ben (my ex). Can you see how you make her feel? It is not helpful.” He cried and apologized to me. After the session I had a very depressive episode where I couldn’t stop crying. He put me in bed, gave me my medicine and stayed with me until I fell asleep. This same night he started cleaning the office. Yesterday he went to the store to get my new mattress, so I didn’t have to wait for delivery nor do it by myself. He also measured the things I needed and helped me with everything related to the new furniture. I think reality wasn’t hitting him so deep down as it was supposed to be. Our next step will be the worst one: to tell the kids what’s going on. I already prepared notes to send to their teachers and got a therapist in case they need someone to talk to. Once again, thanks for the kind messages and suggestions. I feel much better now. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

OOP asked her husband if he still loves her. His answer: You ask some difficult questions.

ONGOING

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yh5rlx/oop_asked_her_husband_if_he_still_loves_her_his/

yh8g3z

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/refrigeratorok4914 in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y24pxc/ive_fallen_in_love_with_the_husband_of_the_women/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (13 Oct 22) **I've fallen in love with the husband of the women my husband is cheating on me with** I'm so sorry. there are a lot of errors in the title and the text. while I think my English is pretty awesome. its not perfect. so sorry for any confusion ​ this is going to be a long post. will do my best to make it short. I found this sub on a podcast. maybe I can find comfort about what've been weighing me down for almost a year now ​ I'm (f36) and my husband is (m38). we have been together for 10 years. we have one daughter who's (f6). she's everything to me. I found out a year ago that my husband is sleeping with his employee (f30) , how? her husband, let's call him J (m35) contacted me. he was heartbroken and he thought that I ought to know. he provided me with text messages and dated when they've been in hotels. I recognized my husbands style and I recognized the other woman. I have seen her on multiple occasions when I visited my husband at work. she'd been nothing but kind and pleasant towards me and she always doted on my daughter. ​ I asked J what he wanted to do an he said that he wasn't sure yet so I requested that we should meet. He agreed. I told him about my life and that I'm currently not working after the pandemic I lost my job and now the economy I haven't really had any opportunity to find job. instead I've been studying these past 2 years. if I divorce now I won't be able to provide for my daughter. that would probably put her in my husband's custody as a primary provider. I asked him if he could wait for a few months, hopefully longer therefore and to my surprised he agreed. I thanked him profusely but he told me that he didn't know what to do either so he's happy to wait. also, the other woman has 3 children from a previous relationship and he was worried that she would refuse him being in their lives once he confronted her because hes not the father. ​ we kept in touch however. he called me a few times a week and soon we started to talk about other things other than our failed marriages. afterwards we started going for walks, coffee movies etc. I found myself thinking about him often with a smile on my face. he was the first thing I thought of in the morning and the last thing I thought of before going to bed. for the last 3-4 months we probably mentioned our spouses one or twice. we talk about everything else. and he always makes me laugh (he thinks I'm funny too :)) ​ 2 weeks ago we were having a picnic and he just blurted out "I think that I'm in love with you". when he then explained himself it just drove the point home that I also am in love with him. he said that at first he wasn't sure why he was feeling like this towards me and explained it away as two jilted people finding comfort in each other but that he then realized that he wasn't broken anymore. that he even thinks of his wife's infidelity as a blessing because it lead him to me. that was exactly how I felt too. I didn't know what to say. I told him that I'm terrified that these are false feelings that would go away once we've freed ourselves from those who hurt us. he just beamed at me and said he was willing to take the risk just to find out. he kissed my hand because I thought we were still married and if we did something then how are we better than our SO? ​ I don't know what to do now. I find myself daydreaming about him. about introducing him to my daughter. kiss him. wake up next to him every morning. I still have one semester left and then I'm probably going to find a job. I've already had some offers for when Im finished with my studies. I have thanked J so many times for being so patient with me about everything. I appreciate that hes waiting for me to put my life in order before we expose our spouses who aren't really seeing each other as often as they used to do. he told me hes happy to help and he just wants a real kiss as a thank you when everything is over. ​ my goal now is to secure my job and leave this marriage. am I pathetic for wanting to give J and I a shot and see where it would go? can two broken hearts really find happiness together when their love story started like ours? [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yamc5c/j_and_i_have_decided_not_to_see_each_other/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (22 Oct 22) **J and I have decided not to see each other anymore. (I am in love with the husband of my husband's affair partner)** Hi again! This is not an update. Since nothing new has happened in my life. But I’ve been feeling so down lately and my emotions are all over the place. Hopefully this post will help me sort out my feeling. I’m sorry if you find it confusing but this is how I’m feeling right now. Confusion. Also, I’m sorry, but it’s going to be a long and bumpy ride like my last one. I’m still busy with my studies. Especially now so close to the holidays. Thereafter I’m going to have a break until January 16 and the start of my last semester. I have got two job offers. One with unpaid internship starting in April. I like this job very much since I would be working from my laptop most of the days the other one is more of an in office job but with better pay. I don’t know how the custody arrangement is going to be but I feel like a job with more flexible hours is a better fit for me. The reason why I’m writing now is that J and I met yesterday. If you remember my last, we decided not to see each other (at least not as often) since the “I love you” talk. We did good keeping that promise, but we still saw each other once since I wrote here and we continued texting and calling each other on a daily basis. Yesterday we met on J’s initiative. When I got to the park, to our usual meeting spot, J was already there. He had flowers, coffee and cake (I love cake!) and he told me that we’re going to have a little celebration. He said that today was the day we first met a year ago. Yes, it was. I remember that day very well, it was raining then too but it was much much gloomier. I remembered how broken and desperate I was. The feeling that my world had ended. We talked a lot about the progress we made and how much stronger we both felt now. He told me he loved me and it was all I could do not to just fuck everything and jump into his arms. He is so lovely. When I got home my husband had already picked up our daughter and they were just joking around and having fun. I felt so much sadness and pure horror building up inside me. What am I doing? What are we doing? All of us? The guilt that washed over me seeing my daughters happy face playing around with her food. I couldn’t take it. My husband and the other woman haven’t texted at all this month, and they haven’t met either or at least as far as J and I know. Of course, they work together so we don’t know if the affair has subsided or that they just have learned to be more cautious but my husband has been more attentive at home. Warmer and more present. He says he loves me all the time and that he misses me. I haven’t been intimate with him since I found out about the affair and even the smallest touch from him irks me, and any beautiful word or compliment from him sets my teeth on edge. I just want to scream LIAR and I feel like I’m cheating on J accepting my husband’s affection and the disdain for myself becomes unbearable(make this make sense! please!). I looked at my husband and tried to remember what I loved about him but I couldn’t. All I could see is his texts to her, about how great last time was and what he wanted to do to her next. All the things he once said he wanted to do and did to me that made me feel so special. I tried to think harder about the love, but all I saw was J’s face. I felt immense rage and hatred towards my husband but also towards myself and J. My husband because he broke us and brought this mess upon us and myself because I felt that I wasn’t trying hard enough with my heart occupied with someone else. Have I just given up so easily because I loved J? And my daughter? She is the one who’s going to pay the hard price of seeing her home break because daddy is a selfish, greedy cheater and mommy isn’t trying hard enough to save her marriage when she is pining for another man. I couldn’t control my feelings of anger and resentment and guilt so I wrote J a long text telling him all this and more. He tried to call me but I couldn’t answer him. My heart was swollen in my throat. I told my husband that I wanted sleep in my daughter’s room tonight, something I’ve been doing a lot since this all started. I cried all night watching her beautiful face so peaceful and happy. This morning J called me again and we talked for over an hour. He was very subdued and I heard the fear in his voice. He told me that he respected my wishes in taking a break from each other but also to remember that even when I was at my weakest I still knew exactly what I wanted and that I chose to stay to secure a future for myself and my daughter “You’re too close now to your goal just to stumble and fall”. He said he loved me and that he never felt like this before. And that he will wait. I cried for a good hour afterwards already missing his voice. I know that my marriage is unsalvageable and I that I’m doing the right thing leaving it even with the nagging feeling of guilt that’s simmering beneath the surface, boiling over every now and then waking me up at night but I need to do this alone now. I want to look back with no regrets. The guilt will probably never going to go away entirely but at least it won’t have J’s face now he’s not in the picture anymore. So that’s what’s been up with my life. I told you that it wasn’t an update really and I’m sorry that it is long and confusing but that’s all I have right now. Edit - # I'm not staying in my marriage. ***I don't know if my English is this bad or if people don't bother reading long boring rants. I apologize for both but I'm floored because of the amount of comments and attacks on me as a person and a mother for "staying with my cheating husband"*** ***Please tell me where did I say I was staying? I broke it off with J yes, but it wasn't because I'm going back to my husband. Again, WHERE DID I WRITE THAT I WAS STAYING WITH MY HUSBAND?*** **Reminder - I'm not the OOP** *There's another post by OOP but it's about people harassing her for staying w her husband, which she is not.*

OOP - I've fallen in love with the husband of the woman my husband is cheating on me with

ONGOING

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yh8g3z/oop_ive_fallen_in_love_with_the_husband_of_the/

yh977n

Originally posted by u/Superman2663 in r/tifu on Oct 8, '22. Updates were added in the original post. This very long. Mood Spoiler: >!sad but ends on a positive note!< Trigger Warning: >!Military combat, PTSD!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/xz20vb/tifu_by_telling_my_gf_about_war/) I (38M) have recently started dating (31F). I've been single for nearly six years prior to this. I had a very difficult relationship previously. I felt used for my stability and the constancy that I provided. I'm not the kind of person that thinks that all women are awful or that the dating world is entirely and perpetually flawed for men in my age range. But, typically, I have poor judgement when it comes to other people's intentions and that has certainly lead to a string of situations where I was valued almost exclusively for what I provided and not for who I was. To some degree - I think that's alright. But I needed a break so I left the dating scene for a longer period of time. I'm a Veteran. I served following 9/11 and while most people in my life know that I am a combat veteran their knowledge starts and stops there. I live in a large city and there seems to be a general lack of empathy or respect for military service. I am pretty OK with that in that I generally don't want to relive that part of my life. That doesn't mean I didn't enjoy or that I am not proud of my time in the uniform. I am. But I am very alright with moving forward in my life and not having it be central to my current experiences. The problem is that I have PTSD. Not as bad as most. I think that I made out very lucky compared to some and the bulk of my symptoms are not constant. I tend to get a little tense sometimes at night and can struggle with vivid dreams. This is not an every night thing. It comes in fits and starts lasting usually a week, maybe two if it is a bad go, and then fading back. Very rarely I have extremely intense dreams that wake me suddenly. I can be disoriented during this time or very emotionally activated. After I separated from the military - I became a military contractor and changed my career to a technical field. I got myself educated/trained in a technical specialty and built work experience working as a civilian contractor overseas where I built myself a substantial nest egg. I was mentored by good men on investments and income generation and have done very well for myself. I hold a full-time position back in the states now with a generous salary and benefits. I've taken care of myself physically and despite having several injuries I've stayed very active. So, in regards to PTSD, I have it much better than some and I'm very grateful that is the case. (I'm sorry this is so long.) This girl and I met several years ago but I was not dating and she was seeing someone. We clicked right away but never spoke of it, or crossed any lines, and did not maintain communication. To the point where when I thought of her (I did not reach out) I wondered if I'd imagined the entire thing or if she'd felt it as well. Well, a few months ago, she reached out and we met up and the sparks were there. The boyfriend she was seeing is long gone and we've started to date. This is the first time I've opened myself to a romantic relationship in a very long time. Things have progressed and she has begun spending the night. This is where my first anxiety has come into place. I didn't want to suddenly have a bad episode at night with her there. I didn't want to speak about or even acknowledge my PTSD. I'm embarrassed not only of having it but also of speaking about it because so many men endured and endure so much worse. I have so little to complain about. But with her spending the night I had to at least tell her that sometimes I can wake up suddenly and seem very frightened, or alert. I don't, or haven't, done anything like dive onto the floor or reached to arm myself. But I do suddenly bolt upright sometimes. I have called out before. And other times I get the shakes for a few minutes and feel very confused about where I am. So, I told her. And she was an angel about it. But she also asked me to talk about what it was like with her and some of the things that I remember and struggle with. In the past, I've never gone there with someone. I think sometimes the truth is not what people, particularly women (in my experience), really want to hear. But, in the past, I've been often criticized by past partners of being emotionally unavailable and closed off. They've been critical of my inability to be open with them and have expressed feeling like there were parts of me that were a stranger to them and that it was part of what drove our relationship into negative places. Without excusing any of my ex-girlfriend's decisions or behaviors - she wasn't wrong in this criticism. But still, I couldn't bring myself to really open up to my new GF. She pressed gently but left it alone. She was very sweet through this. Very encouraging. She told me that there was nothing that I could say that would change where we were going together and that she appreciates anyone who served our country. She's a generally empathetic human being and I felt relieved that she didn't really press me to elaborate in that moment. I felt more secure and safe. She told me she loved me. She clings to my arm when we walk together and she compliments me on my body, my clothes. She tells me that I'm handsome and that she feels lucky. She posted me on her social media and introduced me to friends, coworkers, her parents. Three days ago, though, I did have a fairly rough wake up one night. It was not my worst. No yelling. But I bolted upright in bed suddenly and startled her awake and, apparently, sat very silent and tense for a few seconds while she tried to ask me if I was alright. I don't remember her asking me repeatedly. I only remember hearing her and telling her that I was fine and thinking it was the first time she'd asked. I settled fairly quickly after. I usually do. But she, again, gently asked me to share with her what I see during these nightmares or what memories I have that bother me. I looked at her. This beautiful young woman. And, for the first time in a very long time, I felt seen and I just didn't want to ruin things. I didn't want to push her away. I've done very well on my own but there's something blissful in being loved and loving someone and for whatever reason I opened up. I shared with her a single account that sometimes bothers me. She asked detailed questions and I answered. At first, anyway, I answered openly. But I began to see, even in the dark, her expression changing. I saw worry in her face. I wouldn't call it fear but I certainly saw uncertainty. And I understood what was happening too late because her next question was, "Did you enjoy being there, though?" I'm convinced almost every combat veteran can tell you that they enjoyed it. Even the scariest, most violent moments. There's some part of us that comes alive in a way during those situations that just can't when we get back home. It's a cliche by now but it's real. And she asked the question knowing the answer, I saw it in her face, hoping I would say that I didn't. I couldn't lie to her but I didn't answer the question. I tried to hit that middle ground. At this point I just wanted her to leave it be. I wished I'd never opened my mouth. That was three days ago. She's been distant through texts and we haven't seen each other since. There's nothing, I don't think, that I can do now. Dating has been very difficult for me. I'm so discouraged. I felt that this girl and I had found something. As a Veteran we are constantly told to talk about it. Whether you're on TikTok or Instagram there are just mountains of posts from people, well-meaning people, telling you to share and to speak. Friends and family all want you to confide in them. Or, in the very least, know that you could if you wanted to. But I mean this when I say - for those of us that served. You really can't. Or, in the very least, you will never really be able to tell whether you can or can't until you've made the choice and the consequences of that choice are out of your hands. I was falling for this girl and now, despite my best attempts to stay positive, I can't help but feel she saw all of me and walked away. Part of me knows that's alright. It's her choice. And there's integrity in letting someone have that part of you so they can decide if they want to deal with it or not. But part of me can't help but feel like I will never find a partner. And that there is a part of me that I have to hide from those that I love because it is more than anyone can handle. I don't know how to shake the profound sense of loneliness I suddenly feel. I find myself wishing I'd never responded to her to begin with. I find myself wishing that I knew better than to even attempt to try and date again. TL:DR I told my girlfriend a single experience from a wartime deployment and now she is distancing herself from me. Update: Wow, so, a lot of comments to go through. Thank you to everyone for sharing advice. For those of you that suggested I speak to her and express that I didn't want to upset her but I wanted to be honest - that's the route I want to go with. I plan on doing so tomorrow. I won't get into the particulars of what I shared for the comment(s) that asked. I will say, however, it did not include any war crimes. And I didn't commit any during my time in service. I read a few comments that were very critical/skeptical (summarizing) of the military. That's alright, guys. You can have your opinions. I can only state that for my part, and in my experience, the guys in the uniform were really good human beings from very diverse backgrounds who genuinely wanted to do the right thing over there. It's OK if you don't believe me - I know that this topic tends to produce a lot of very intense opinions. I just wanted to take a second to state very clearly that during my career wearing the uniform I didn't know anything other than the guys around me trying to act like good people. Even the guys who weren't particularly good soldiers for whatever reason weren't evil people. Update 2: This got so much bigger than I could have imagined. I'm overwhelmed by the thoughtful things people are sharing. We (the girl and I) have plans tomorrow and I plan on asking her how she felt about our conversation and see where things stand. I'll update as soon as I can. Also, I've been trying to get to as many comments as I can, but this got way bigger than I could have anticipated and I can't get to them all. Just know I appreciate every single one. The last three days have been really stressful and absolutely laden with anxiety. I posted this to vent it into the void so that I didn't do a couple things I was trying to avoid doing: A) Talk about it to friends and accidentally color how they saw the new girlfriend.B) Put a bigger burden on her when she, in the very least, seems to need some time. I didn't anticipate to be supported so intensely by so many kind strangers. I didn't anticipate that this could/would help others. I'm grateful for both of these things. It really makes me feel that whatever happens here - even if I could do some things better in the future - I was at least attempting to go about doing the right thing. Update 3: A few comments that I've read through have asked about resources to read more about the warfighter's frame of mind and experiences without having to directly ask a Veteran. I'm considering an AMA. On one hand - I think it might be helpful to answer these questions from the impersonal void of the internet as a means of expression. I also like the idea of potentially helping open-minded people cross the divide between the Veteran mindset and the Civilian one. But, honestly, I could also see that just getting swamped with shouting matches. War, let alone the wars following 9/11, tend to drive some really intense responses. Update 4: Just a few things that weren't clear in the initial post and I keep seeing in the comments before they get shut down (did I do something wrong for them to be turned off or was it simply because there was so many?). First of all, I have been off and on with a therapist since I left the uniformed service. There were periods where I worked very hard with them on a variety of things and, as I felt more comfortable and steady in the civilian world, I relied on them less. But this relationship is new and I think the advice to reach back out to my therapist and get some guidance and support while working into it (or for support and constructive guidance if tonight goes poorly) is a good idea. Second of all, I try to answer as many comments and messages as I can but with comments off I won't be messaging people directly. That said, a few things. Yes, at some point in the next few days I'll do an AMA where you can ask me about my military experience. I'll have some "rules" about what I will or won't talk about. Don't worry if you don't follow them - just know that if I didn't answer your question it either crossed a line with one of them or seemed too negative for me to respond to. Third, what I shared with her was not any of my direct combat action. It was what I saw when my unit rolled up onto the aftermath of an IED detonation inside a civilian area. I was not graphic. No shots were fired by anyone that day. We just tried to support and secure the civilian area to the best of our ability while our CM worked to try and assist with wounded. She has never asked me about any of my direct combat actions or pressed to know what kinds of action we took while down range. She was respectful. Curious, but with legitimate empathy. I understand and appreciate the protective skepticism with which some folks replied but she, in no way, seemed entitled to anything I wasn't willing to share. Her approach with me felt like she genuinely just wanted to carry some of the weight and be a partner to me. Finally, and most important, I'm extremely nervous. I'm leaving here shortly to go meet up with her and we've a couple things planned. But the distance over text is very, very noticable. Shorter answers. Less affection. Less enthusiasm. I'm trying to stay positive here but I've got this sinking feeling that I'm going to get a bit of bad news. The goal is to handle it with grace if I do. I really like this girl. I fell for her. I hadn't been looking for anything but stumbled on it and I was letting myself get comfortable with the process of falling. I started to see our future. I don't know. I'll let everyone know how it goes. Thank you for all the encouragements, suggestions, and stories you've all shared. It's meant a lot to have so many strangers take such an investment in all this. I had no idea it'd get so big and I'm beyond grateful. Wish me luck. Update 5: The final update. I want to mention that the moderators were really great in getting back to me. It turns out that the people being abusive were too numerous so the moderators turned off the comments. I want to take a second to appreciate that an overwhelming majority of the people commenting were constructive and encouraging. Just a few bad apples. That's why we can't have nice things. We had our conversation. It was a beautiful fall day here so we got to spend time outside and walking. I felt incredibly nervous but I figured that I'd rather rip the band-aid off. The longer I seemed hesitant, I thought, the longer the awkwardness built. Thanks to everyone for the suggestions on how to frame some of my feelings and thoughts. To those of you that suspected that I struggled to speak face to face with the same clarity I (hopefully) have when I write - you're spot on. I started by telling her that I was sorry for the other night. In particular for not asking how she felt after I'd communicated the event to her. I told her that I did not want to overwhelm her and that I wasn't certain how much to speak on. I told her that it's uncomfortable for me to share things and that I am not practiced in doing so and because of that I wasn't certain what was palatable or right to say. I told her that it was not my intention to overwhelm her and that I only wanted to give her a glimpse so she felt like she knew me because I saw her having a place beside me in my life and that I didn't want her to feel like I was hiding anything. I told her I understood if it was too much this early in our relationship and if the general content was too heavy. I asked if she was alright or had struggled after we had talked. And she apologized. But I could tell by the tone of her voice she was both sincere and scrambling. She had not, it turned out, meant to withdraw. She said that she should have asked if I was alright but she had felt me withdraw and gotten confused and wanted to give me space. She said that she had been very aware while I was talking that I was leaving out things and struggling to make the content both palatable and matter of fact and that watching me go through that she felt like I was really overextending myself and in the days following - she didn't want to press or scare me off. Watching her try to explain this was surreal because my most recent attempt to date before this was several years ago and that woman had never, ever taken accountability and been considerate when we were not on the same page. I was, genuinely, kind of shell shocked to be met by that kind of (unnecessary) contrition and affection. She kept squeezing my hand. And at one point we stopped walking and she just kind of looked up at me (I'm over six feet tall and she's not a tall girl by any stretch) and I don't know. I just. I think I'm falling very much in love with this girl. A few of you mentioned that I was probably behaving differently towards her. You were right. It's still hard for me to see it sometimes but I've always withdrawn when I've felt overexposed or emotionally vulnerable. I admit that I went very quickly into wait-and-see mode (when I am very much an assertive pursuer otherwise) . The energy change threw her. I made an appointment with my therapist who I haven't seen in a bit. I think it's obvious that I could use some skills when it comes to managing and communicating with a partner. I'm not only out of practice but unfamiliar with managing some of the things I've struggled with while also being a woman's person. The conversation lasted a bit longer than I'm summarizing. At one point she said that she admires, very much, the fact that I served and that she is grateful I care enough about her to push outside my comfort zone and talk a bit about things that I saw. She said a lot of nice things about strength. Made playful comments about physical strength that I won't share in public and by the end of the night I felt like we'd taken a step further in how we're building. This doesn't seem to have been a speed bump at all. I won't be doing an AMA about my time in service now. I imagine the comments would get locked in that thread very quickly, too. I don't blame the moderators for this. Just internet stuff. And I can't imagine I'll update this post again in the near future because I rarely, rarely Reddit in general. But thanks to everyone for the well wishes, the reassurances, the encouragements, and the advice. I remain absolutely blown away by how generous people were with their time and experiences. Thanks to everyone that told me to take a breath, relax, and communicate. I'm grateful and honestly think the conversation with her was more productive for your input. We're never too old to stop learning. Final TL:DR TIFU by sharing aspects of war with my new GF. I misinterpreted her texting behaviors as distant, or cold, only to find out that she was simply trying to respect me by not pressing or smothering be. She was afraid of scaring me off by being too forward and present because I can sometimes give off the impression I need space by being a bit distant. We hashed it out and seem stronger for it. I'm fairly sure I found the one.

OP Is Worried He Scared Off His Girlfriend After Telling Her About His Time In The Military (TIFU Oct 8, '22)

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KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yh977n/op_is_worried_he_scared_off_his_girlfriend_after/

yh9q94

Originally posted by u/toss_away_345 in r/AmItheAsshole on Feb 14, '22, updated on Oct 21, '22 [Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ssfhl4/aita_for_revoking_my_wifes_access_to_my_car/) AITA for revoking my wife's access to my car? I (36M) love my wife (32F), she’s awesome. Our relationship is solid; but she’s a very different person than I am. I am, by nature, an organized and process-oriented person. I work as a project manager and my life is focused around structure, planning, deadlines etc. My wife is the opposite. She’s a creative type with a great career in advertising. Nothing about her life is organized, everything is haphazard and somewhat chaotic… but this is what makes her good at her job, I understand and accept that and have done since I fell in love with her. We’re different and that’s a huge part of her awesomeness. She is cool and exciting and brought new things to my life. I love that. The issue: we both have cars, my car is newer and has better tech but they’re similar, BUT I keep my car clean and tidy all the time. Her car is a mess, garbage, empty coffee cups, shit rolls around when driving etc. She hates dealing with it. And because my car is “nicer” than hers, she prefers to use my car. 3 weeks ago, she’s going to a friend’s place up in the woods (5 hrs drive) for a girls weekend. I am going out for the weekend skiing (3.5 hrs), we’re both leaving at the end of work Friday. At 4:00pm my wife is done and she leaves. Love and kisses etc :) When I finish at 7:30pm, I’m antsy to get going – I go to load my gear, but when I get outside my car is gone, and hers is on the driveway. I thought, WTF? Did she take my car? I call her and we have a fight because I am pissed. I have a ski rack on my roof and the gear doesn’t really fit in her car. But she’s already 3 hours into her trip up north. I don’t want to ruin her weekend by making a big deal about this… so I suck it up. There’s no gas in her tank (as usual), so I get gas and as I leave the gas station I get pulled over. I am just fucking pissed at this point. Cop asks for license and registration - which I am already looking for and can’t find. There’s tons of papers and receipts and all sorts of random shit in the glove box and center console… I can’t find it. Cop: “I pulled you over because your license plate tags are expired.” Cop: “This vehicle is registered to [wife’s name] of [previous apartment address]” (she hasn’t updated her registration) Cop: “There’s also unpaid citations on this vehicle. I have to inform you that I am impounding this vehicle” The cop writes up a ticket, calls a tow truck and tows it to the pound. Since then, we have had a couple of huge fights about this. I feel that she needs to be more organized, starting with keeping her car legal. To force the issue, I have revoked my wife’s usage privileges of my car until such a point that we’re on more of an equal footing… and she is MAD about it. I am not prepared to budge on it until she takes care of her car situation. So, give it to me straight. Am I being an asshole about the car? [Update 8 Months Later](https://www.reddit.com/user/toss_away_345/comments/ya2vq9/update_aita_for_revoking_my_wifes_access_to_my_car/) A lot has happened in the past 8 months… this issue really opened up a huge can of worms that I am having a hard time knowing what I want to do moving forward with. Bear with me, this is long! So here’s what happened since this post (important context: we never joined our finances. We have separate bank accounts where pay goes into, and a joint account that we both put our monthly funds to cover joint expenses - and it’s been working fine for years. We also have separate accounts for things like cell phones, car insurances, and other stuff that we had before we got together) Retrieval of her car: I’ve never had a car towed before so didn’t really know what to do, and holy shit, this was a complete shit show. I called the number for the impound lot and they informed me that before I could get the car back, we needed to pay off all the citations get the car compliant etc. Of course the DMV doesn’t open till Monday. So I am without car all weekend. Monday, we go in to the DMV to sort this out - I find out that there are 47 unpaid tickets for my wife’s car, going back for almost 2 years - which cost over $1500 to clear out. I was dumbfounded!! I almost exploded and asked WTF is going on here, and she basically started crying, saying she knew it was an issue, but didn’t realize it was this bad. She didn’t have enough money to pay for the tickets because her CC is maxed out (which was news to me too, she has a $10K credit limit on her card), so I paid it off. Then, we tried to change her registration from her old address to our address - which prompted a whole other issue, her insurance has lapsed (I didn’t know this either) so we had to get on with her insurance company to get that sorted out. While going through this process, I discovered that her premium was literally 4x more than mine, and they insisted on a full payment upfront for the 12 month period - which was ~$4,800. To get everything complete and the car to be released took 3 days! Then we went to the pound to get the car - $375 towing fee, plus a $90 per day storage fee, so $825 needing payment. Again I had to pay because she couldn’t afford it. We get home and I am just fuming. This just cost me ~$7K in a few days. Our first REAL fight! After we get home from picking up the car, I am just beyond frustrated and angry at this entire situation and need to have “clearing of the grievances” with her. This blew up over 4 hours to the biggest fight we’ve ever had. I thought we’d had fights before, but this was different. It was relationship existential. It really opened my eyes to the real issue, that being I actually don’t really know who she is any more. So many skeletons came out of the closet in this 4 hour rollercoaster of emotions, here’s the highlight: Her money situation: I was surprised that her CC was maxed out, it’s a $10K limit. She makes great money (about $25K more annually than I do), so her lack of money was unexpected. Then I asked her how much debt does she have in total (at this point, I only know of the $10K CC debt I learned about a few days beforehand) I learned that she had 6 credit cards, all of them are basically maxed out… total CC debt is $24K, all with high interest She also had 3 store cards, all maxed out… total store card debt is $2500 I also learned she had a Line of Credit for $18K, also maxed out She also owes, to various friend and family members, about $8K Her total debt is $52K She makes the monthly minimum payments only, on everything. At this point I am shocked and reeling, I cant believe it! I feel physically sick. I didn’t know about any of this, and I am at a loss as to why I don’t know - I don’t even know who she is anymore. We’ve been married 2 years, together for 5.5 years. When we moved from dating, to a relationship, we had a pretty big talk about core values and what was important to be aligned on before getting really involved. Obviously things like being exclusive are key, but I also said that financial security and being debt free are very important to me (I made some stupid decisions in my early 20’s that hurt me financially, and I had to work hard to get out from under that). I said I have 3 pillars that I wanted to build a future with her on, these where deal breakers. If she’s not 100% onboard, then we shouldn’t continue dating because I was falling in love and I didn’t want to go further unless there was a future. -Cheating (in any form) is a deal breaker -Financial irresponsibility is a deal breaker -Family: I want to have kids I reminded her of this in the fight, and she said that I had come on too strong at that point about financial irresponsibility, she already had most of the debt at that point and decided to not say anything at that moment (which she acknowledged was a mistake) because she thought I would have broken up with her there and then. Then she kept hiding it because she wanted to try and rectify it before I found out, but she couldn’t. She also pointed out that I never asked about her financial situation which is true, I didn’t… so that was where we were. At this point I was pretty upset, and I had to leave the house. So I left and went to stay at a friends house for the night, (which ended up being a couple of weeks in the end) the next morning when I woke up I felt devastated. I had to take some time off work because I couldn’t think straight. I kept wracking my brains to understand how this happened, how did I not know, how did I not see the signs or evidence. I felt betrayed. It was like I had been cheated on, but somehow worse. I couldn’t bring myself to speak to her for the first few days because I was so upset and/or angry. I am not usually a very emotional person, so this was difficult to process. I would go from rage to tears to rage to despair in a few minutes, I didn’t trust myself around anyone to not be a raging asshole. She was blowing up my phone asking me to talk to her and come home, but I couldn’t - eventually I asked my friend to call her and tell her to give me some space and time, which she did - but later on that day I had her brother and both parents also reach out to me to see if they could speak - I politely declined and said I need time. Obviously she was going through a tough time too, and reached out to them for help. The last 6 months have been hard but we’re working though it, we’re both committed to that. But I am still struggling with the enormity of the situation. I still cant help feeling betrayed. I have lost a lot of trust in her, but we are in couple’s therapy to get though this. She’s trying really hard to make it work, correct her mistakes and work on being a more organized and reliable person, I see that. She’s made some real major changes in how she runs her finances, she’s taken Debt counselling sessions and is following those teachings quite diligently, and being really transparent with her situation - in the last 6 months, she’s consolidated all the cards into 1 loan, and cancelled all her old cards - the debt is down $14K since this all started. This is all super positive So I am hopeful this has a good ending... **This is a friendly reminder that brigading is against BoRU rules. You can not click through from here and comment on the op** *A note from your friendly neighborhood reposter: This original issue with the car has been addressed but, while there has been progress, they definitely still have a lot of work ahead of them so I am flairing this ongoing*

A Man's Wife Takes His Car For The Weekend And Everything Unravels (AITA Oct 21 '22)

ONGOING

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yh9q94/a_mans_wife_takes_his_car_for_the_weekend_and/

yhc01j

[removed]

the term oop is stupid as hell

EXTERNAL

shknenel

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yhc01j/the_term_oop_is_stupid_as_hell/

yhdawg

[removed]

OOP - AITA for shutting down "black" names because I think it'll make life harder on my kids?

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

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yhfisv

**I am not OP.** Posted by u/AITA-peaspicking on r/AmItheAsshole   [**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oefrtm/aita_for_picking_out_the_peas_from_my_dinner_in/) _- July 6, 2021_ Hello. I’m 20 and I live with my mum \[48F\] in the UK. Mum hosted a mini dinner for some colleagues. Her husband has a big house and a garden where we sat. I don’t like dinners and eating with strangers but I had to sit with them which was a little bit stupid. They made food I don’t like. It had peas in it and I don’t like peas. My mum knows this but I wasn’t allowed to eat other stuff because it would be making a fuss and there was no time to make other things. I was not allowed to make something myself either. I picked out the peas from my dinner to feed to ducks at the pond close to my step-dad's house because I know ducks like peas. They shouldn’t eat bread because that’s bad for them. I put all the peas in a little cup with my spoon. Mum’s boss was sitting opposite of me and asked what I was doing so I told him. He was silent for a while and then said OK. We didn't talk a lot but sometimes he asked me a question and I answered. At the end he gave me some more peas that he had removed from his own food. I asked if he also didn't like peas and he said: ''I do like peas, but I also like ducks, so they can have my peas'' which I think was nice of him. He also gave me £5 to buy ice cream for myself when I feed the ducks which was also very nice of him. We didn't talk much but I think he was a nice man and I liked him. But when he left he talked to my mum and she came to me and she was angry or upset. She asked me if I spend all dinner picking out peas and I said no. I also ate the pasta bits but there were a lot of peas to pick out. She asked why I did that in front of everyone because that's very rude to do during a dinner. It shows you do not like the food and are not interested in the guest. This is exactly what I thought so that's true. Mum said that she understands that it's not nice. But if she says it's important (like she did before dinner) then it really is important and I should keep that in mind. They were people who deserve respect and who feel 'put off' by others touching their food strangely or not engaging with them. Mum's boss told her before he left that maybe next time I should eat something else because I didn't eat much. I'm not a big eater so it's kind of normal for me but he doesn't know that of course. But the point is that he said something negative to her that could have been avoided if I didn't pick the peas out of my food. I didn't think about this. I understand that that is not a good thing but my mum was genuinely upset and I think that is a little bit much. It's just a dinner and he was a nice man. I don't think he's angry at her. I was just wondering if I'm not seeing something important here that makes it an AH thing to do. AITA? Thank you. Edit: I’m autistic and don’t like peas because of the texture that makes me feel bad. I’m dependent on my mum because I’m not able to live on my own yet but I’m learning. I didn’t realise that could change the context of the story until it was pointed out to me. Thank you for your insights so far.   [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oh0saw/update_aita_for_picking_out_the_peas_from_my/) _- July 10, 2021_ Hello. Thank you very much for your insight. I appreciate all the comments and also the awards. I think that's very cool to receive. Some comments said to talk about it with my mum. I did and it went very well. She said sorry and said it was not my fault. She explained to me how it went and I will try to tell it as short as possible: Mum was very stressed because she never hosts dinners. She wanted her colleagues to like it. They requested the recipe. She forgot I don't eat peas because she was too busy with her colleagues. She wanted me to eat with them because at her colleague's house his kids also ate with them. She didn't want to make a fuss about my autism because sometimes I'm rude when people ask about it. She said her head was all over the place all evening. I said to her that that's why I could have made my own food. She said that was difficult because there was no time for that. I didn't realise because I'm not good with time awareness. I asked her to communicate with me next time and be more clear about what I can or can't do. She said she will and said I can help cook next time too. Almost every comment said that her boss was nice. He probably wasn't angry or upset with her. I told this to my mum. She said sorry to me again because she wasn't upset at me at all. She was embarrassed because she tried to get me to ''behave normally'' and she shouldn't have done that. She took it out on me on a whim. I also said sorry because I didn't realise that it could've been important for her work status. I just thought they were like friends. She said it was OK because I didn't make a big fuss and I didn't get loud or walk away. She's proud of me for staying at the table and also thinking about the ducks. We concluded that we both learned things. I learned things because I now know more about work dinners and manners. She learned things because she now knows to communicate and explain more to me to avoid stress. In the comments people also said her boss might have experience with autistic people. I asked my mum and it was a little bit sad. His little brother was autistic but he died 10 years ago. It made him sad because he loved him a lot. He told her I should eat things I like next time because it upset him to think mum was worried about appearances so much that I had to be uncomfortable during dinner. He also said that dinner was really good and that he's happy to have her in his team at work. He's a good person and a good boss. I sent him a thank you email with my mum. Last thing is that I fed the ducks the peas. I think they were happy about it. The thing with ducks is that they don't say that to you of course. I got an ice cream with two scoops at the pond. I also got one for my mum because I had money left. It was a little bit melted when I came home because it was 5 minutes walking but she still liked it and she said I was amazing. Thank you for reading.

AITA for picking out the peas from my dinner in front of my mum's boss?

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rainingsakuras

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yhfisv/aita_for_picking_out_the_peas_from_my_dinner_in/

yhgaxv

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Thenameofthebaby **in** r/AmItheAsshole   trigger warnings: >!Mention of Racism!< mood spoilers: >!Good compromise!<   [**AITA for shutting down "black" names because I think it'll make life harder on my kids?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ck2eaj/aita_for_shutting_down_black_names_because_i/) \- 31st July 2019 My husband and I are having a baby. I'm mixed race, half black and half white. My husband is black. We don't know the gender yet but my husband prefers names that most people would call black names for boys. Names like Trayvon, DeVonte, Marquis, etc. I grew up with a name that is tied to black culture and hated it for most of my life. I go by a shortened form of my name professionally (i.e Dee for Denaisha) because I have seen how people react to my government name. I am sure I have been passed up for jobs because of how people perceive my name. My husband has a name more commonly used for white boys (i.e Jake). He wants a strong black name for our son because he never had that and believes that giving him a "white" name to avoid racism isn't helping anyone. I don't disagree but don't want to use our son as a test dummy to change that. This has become a battle. I know that we both need to agree on a baby name but AITA for writing off all black names?   **Verdict - No Assholes Here (NAH)**   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d1ti7b/update_aita_for_shutting_down_all_black_names/) \- 9th Sept 2019 I posted a month ago about a dilemma my husband and I were having with our baby's name. We had already decided on a girl's name because it honors his mother but we're stuck on a boy's name. My husband thought it was important for our son to have a name strongly tied to black American culture. I wanted a more neutral name since I am biracial and grew up with a stereotypical black name. We found out we are having a boy and decided on his name. His name will be.... Miles Trayvon We thought it was a perfect compromise. My husband's family tends to use middle names a lot so he'll probably be "Tray" to most of them. When he's in school his name will just be listed as Miles (last name). He can officially be Miles T. (Last name) if he doesn't want to use Trayvon but he can also easily go by Trayvon if he feels more connected to that name. This option gives him the choice, which my husband and I agreed was important. My husband hated growing up with a stereotypical white boy name and said it caused some ribbing from people in his community who saw him as being less black. He talked about how in 8 Mile Eminem's character says something like, "This guy's a gangsta? His real name is Clarence." That's not to say my husband ever wanted to be a gangsta. He's an actuary lol but he said he felt like his name played a role in further isolating him from his black peers growing up. I had the opposite experience. My mom is white and my dad is black. They decided on a stereotypical black name and I think it made my life harder. Professional I go by a nickname and I do personally as well. When talking about it with my husband I realized it started early. I remember being about 4 and being out with my white grandma. A woman came up to me, touched my hair, told my grandma I was beautiful, and then asked what my name was. Instead of saying my real name my grandma said, "Her name is Daisy." I attended an HBCU and finally felt comfortable with my given name but noticed a lot of seniors with black names used shortened versions of their names for job applications. For example, Raquan Smith would put "Ray Smith", Demarcus Jones would put "Marcus Jones", Keshawnda Nelson would put "Shawna Nelson", etc. They said you had to play within the system and I did that. Anyway, sorry for the long update. I just wanted to explain why this was such a big deal to both of us. We didn't really get deep into it until after I posted here so thanks for encouraging that dialogue. Before anyone says it, I do realize some people will connect Trayvon to Trayvon Martin. That's not why we are using it. I posted about this in namenerds and a lot of people were upset by it but I don't mean to offend anyone. It's a family name on my husband's side. Edit: Thanks for all the DMs but please stop sending me articles about the woman named Marijuana Pepsi and the black Spider-Man named Miles. Thanks y'all.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP - AITA for shutting down "black" names because I think it'll make life harder on my kids?

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raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yhgaxv/oop_aita_for_shutting_down_black_names_because_i/

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OP tells a mom she’s responsible if her kid dies and then things take a turn

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AITA for baking my niece a cake for her first birthday?

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/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yhi8og/aita_for_baking_my_niece_a_cake_for_her_first/

yhj8g0

Reminder, I am not OP. OP is u/xFlinchy and this is posted with his permissions. Trigger Warnings: None [**Neighbor is trying to acquire a strip of my property through Adverse Possession, TN**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/hgd12a/neighbor_is_trying_to_acquire_a_strip_of_my/) Jun 26 2020 I purchased a house in TN last June, 2019. One of the main things I planned on doing was installing a privacy fence since I am next to a busy street and there is a lot of foot traffic on the sidewalk. I got a fence contractor out in September to measure the corners of the lot. When I showed them where the plat on the official government records were, my neighbor came out and tried to tell me it was their portion of the lawn. Though I disagreed, I decided to wait for the fence and get a survey done. It took a lot longer to get a property surveyor then I originally expected, and finally got it finished in May. The survey showed that I was correct. After trying to disprove the survey and failing, my neighbor is suing for a 12’x50’ strip of land using adverse possession. Their thought is that since they have been caring for the land for 20 years that it is now their’s. They have not paid tax on the strip of land and have no structures on it. [**UPDATE: Neighbor trying to take some lf my property via Adverse Possession**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ybozv8/update_neighbor_trying_to_take_some_lf_my/) October 23 2022 Thank you for everyone that originally replied. We followed the original advice to get our Title company to help with the case, but they ended up not helping. We had to hire a lawyer and the whole process took over 2 years due to Covid delays. Several of the cited cases were used in our case. Over 2 years ago my household was served with an adverse possession claim by my neighbor. The dispute began 3 months after we purchased our home. We had to go to court, which ended up being 2+ years after being served. The judge ruled in our favor Some details about the case: The neighbor was able to prove that they had mowed the piece of property for 20 years, which we did not and could not dispute. They had landscapers testify of the constant boundaries maintained in their contracts. Our verbal dispute over the property line occurred 19 years and 363 days after our neighbor moved into their property, meaning the 20 year adverse possession window would not work. The piece of property was considered “relatively small” because it is a part of a residential property. This proved to be the strongest element to win us the case. In TN there is precedent that when the property is “relatively small” the property cannot be claimed via adverse possession, if even structures are on the property. Lastly, while proving they had mowed the lawn, they could not prove that they had exclusive use over the land. This is one of the strict bright line tests of TN adverse possession that the neighbor could not prove. \----------------------------------- For some additional commentary and popcorn discussions, I've also provided the BestofLegalAdvice Threads for the original and update. [https://www.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/comments/hgw5ps/laops\_neighbor\_apparently\_believes\_mowing\_grass/](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/comments/hgw5ps/laops_neighbor_apparently_believes_mowing_grass/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/comments/ybtbx1/laops\_adversary\_missed\_the\_20year\_adverse/](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/comments/ybtbx1/laops_adversary_missed_the_20year_adverse/)

Legal Advice OP's neighbor tried to lawnmow them off the land.

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boringhistoryfan

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yhj8g0/legal_advice_ops_neighbor_tried_to_lawnmow_them/

yhmkr1

I am not OP. Originally posted by [u/Pretend\_Dragonfly\_68](https://href.li/?https://www.reddit.com/u/Pretend_Dragonfly_68/) in [r/AITA](https://href.li/?https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA/). The account and posts have since been deleted. [Original](https://href.li/?https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y0pyuo/aita_for_not_translating_for_my_wife_when_she/) \- Oct. 10, 2022 My (33m) father is deaf. Because of this, I’ve been signing for as long as I can remember. My wife (33f) is hearing and has never put much effort into learning ASL beyond a few basic signs. This has never bothered me, but it does make it difficult when we visit my family since I basically have to play translator if she and my dad want to have conversations, but I do it to facilitate a bond between them. About two months ago, I learned of an opportunity at the local college in our city where volunteer native speakers could come converse with the students in the advanced ASL courses. It was going to be a monthly thing in order to track the students’ progress. I jumped at the chance to help out - I’m very passionate about people learning ASL. One of the other volunteers there was a non verbal man, Alex (29m), who I found an easy comradery with. We exchanged numbers and became fast friends. We began hanging out and during the time we would spend at my place, I wouldn’t translate even if my wife was in the room (other than their introductions and small talk) because Alex never requested I do so. After a few weeks of this, my wife brought it up as something that was bothering her. She said she felt left out and like Alex and I were “keeping secrets.” I politely apologized and went on to have a discussion with Alex about this whole thing. He said he felt it was rude that my wife never even so much as made an effort to learn ASL, especially since I had very close family who were deaf, so he had no interest in conversing with her. And honestly, I kind of agreed with him. It didn’t rub me the wrong way at first, but now that she’s complaining about being left out despite having years to learn at least some of this new language feels silly to me. I let my wife know I would still translate for my dad and her, but things were staying the same with Alex. She’s still angry at me. AITA? Edit: I addressed this in a comment but I saw it as a recurring question and someone suggested I put it in an edit as well -- we usually visit my dad every other weekend. \- [Update](https://href.li/?https://www.reddit.com/user/Pretend_Dragonfly_68/comments/ybz1jt/update_aita_for_not_translating_for_my_wife_when/) \- October 23, 2022 I have no idea why the AITA mods denied my request to update there and this will likely get seen by very few, but hey! Here's the update I submitted there for any who are curious as to how my situation turned out: Hey everyone. Thank you for the kindness and constructive criticism on my first post. As many advised, I sat down and had a conversation with my wife about my changing point of view on her ASL abilities. I said I made a mistake by coming at her with resentment and hostility instead of taking the time to explain my thoughts. I expressed that I was hurt over her complaints because people like Alex and my dad have to go through life being unable to communicate. What she experienced isn’t even a fraction of what they do. I reminded her that she has had a Deaf FIL for years and plenty of opportunities to learn, and she hasn’t taken them. I mentioned in a comment on my original post that it’s been a dream of mine to adopt a Deaf/HoH child sometime in the future. I brought this up to her again as yet another reason why learning could be beneficial. Even if that dream doesn't end up coming to fruition, there will still be people in our lives who communicate through ASL. There are literally no cons to learning, only pros. My wife said she understood and that she would make time to do so, even if it was just a daily sign from me or a quick YouTube video lesson. I thanked her and we moved on. During the week following this conversation, I saw no effort on her part despite what she had said. I brought it up to her once a few days later, then again at the end of the week, and I was continually brushed off with what essentially boiled down to: 'I'm busy, I'll get to it later.' This was disheartening. I went to my parents' home alone last weekend and vented to them about what was going on. My dad shared with me a story, one I had heard many times before, about how quickly my mom started learning ASL after the two of them met. He hadn't asked her to and it took some time before they were able to have a proper conversation that way, but what had mattered was the effort. Not just passively, like my wife picking up a few basic signs over the years, but real 'actively trying to learn' effort. My mom suggested I give her a little more time, but that if this is something that means a lot to me then I need to stand up for that. In the almost two weeks since the conversation with my wife, I've hung out with Alex many times and we did our monthly volunteer work at the local college. Being immersed in that culture feels invaluable to me. The juxtaposition between the appreciation for this beautiful language versus the scrapbooking and pottery classes my wife is in... It's been hard for me to accept that that's where she would rather spend her time despite what we talked about. I don't expect her to drop her hobbies, but she promised me she would TRY. When I admitted this to her, it caused a big argument. She is currently staying elsewhere while I'm staying at our home with a friend. Sometimes people's growth happens in opposite directions, it seems. ​ ETA relevant comments: In response to questions as to why Alex was allowed to insult wife in home: "Allowing space for someone to expression frustration over their primary (and only, in this case) form of communication being looked at as inconvenient or a tool for secret keeping doesn't feel disrespectful to me personally. With that being said, it is a fantastic was to gossip." In response to whether it was communicated prior to marriage that learning ASL was important: "She obviously knew about my upbringing and the importance of ASL to me, but there was never an expectation that she learn it. Her complaining and me getting further involved in the community plus creating a new support system has started changing my opinion on things." In response to questions about children: "We don't have children currently. At one point (prior to meeting my wife), I was sincerely invested in the thought of adopting a deaf or hard of hearing child, but that specific dream got put on the back burner when life happened and things got a little more hectic. It's something that's been popping up in my mind against recently, and yeah... that would be difficult if one of the child's parents feels like it's too much effort to even try and communicate. I have some things to consider moving forward, it seems." Just general info: "Effort really does go a long way in showing someone how much you care. My dad met Alex a few weeks ago and he was overjoyed to meet a friend of mine who he could converse with properly, but he's also been happy in the past when my friends (mostly from my high school days) wanted to learn at all."

AITA for not translating for my wife when she hasn't put any effort into learning sign language?

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Beautiful_Page_8664

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yhmkr1/aita_for_not_translating_for_my_wife_when_she/

yhn1wn

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My girlfriend thinks she gay/bi after two years of being with me

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wetswater

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yhn1wn/my_girlfriend_thinks_she_gaybi_after_two_years_of/

yhnp3o

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by a now deleted account in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yabulc/the_man_im_dating_is_the_plastic_surgeon_that_was/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (23 Oct 22) **The man I’m dating is the plastic surgeon that was going to preform my breast reduction surgery and now he refuses to do it** Oh so I’m scheduled for breast reduction surgery in june, had my first appointment in august with a nurse and I got an appointment with the doctor three months before surgery (March 2023). I started dating this guy 2 months ago and everything about him is amazing . He told me he was plastic surgeon and I thought wow maybe he knows my surgeon but I didn’t think I was in a place in the relationship to discuss private surgeries. Anyway now we know each other better and went official, I told him about my surgery. I told him my surgeon is supposed to be the best since he specializes in reconstructive surgery after breast cancer. He was silent and then asked me to log on and see details about the appointment in March. When I logged I saw that it was his name. We were shocked. Then he broke the silence by saying, forget it, your breasts are too beautiful to change. I’m not gonna do it. I was so offended and told him he doesn’t get to decide what I do with my body and he said yes I do. he wouldn’t touch my beautiful breasts just because I have body dysmorphia. I told him that The older I’m getting the saggier they’re becoming and he said that’s nature. Breasts should look like this. So I asked him why he did these surgeries then and why he agreed to do mine if he didn’t think I needed it he said because I wasn’t his gf. Now he says not only will he not preform it. He knows every surgeon and will tell them not to do it if I sought help somewhere else. Even abroad, he added. The actual F?? **Update** I see that many misunderstood my post. When I realized he was my surgeon I knew I was gonna have to change doctors. My indignation is at his way of telling me that I don’t “need” surgery because my breasts are fine and that he will actively try to block other surgeons from preforming it. Anyway I have an update. I wrote this yesterday after I left his place in tears. He called me today and apologized for what he said. He said he’s been in this profession for years and he knows when someone isn’t suited for plastic surgery. He apologized that he used our relationship to make this assessment but that he thinks I truly suffer BDD (I’m insecure about my body especially my breasts and wouldn’t let him see me totally naked) and that’s something plastic surgeons deal with all the time. So yes he WILL try to block my attempts at least until I got a psychological evaluation because he knows surgeries can have negative effect since people “with my condition” always have higher expectations. He swore that it has nothing to do with him loving my body or boobs. But that it’s his obligation to report suspicions of BDD. We didn’t meet in any sinister way. I helped him remodel his kitchen and we hit it off. I’m 39 and he’s 54. I don’t know what to do now because maybe he isn’t lying but also I know he always talk about how I’m his when we’re making love. Like asking, Whose (body part) is this and I answer “yours”. yeah, You are mine or this(body part) is mine. I know kinks mean nothing but I experienced that he’s a bit possessive in bed and maybe it has become outside of sex too. I’m just so confused. I have booked an appointment with a new clinic but I’m contemplating to also seek therapy and see if there’s some truth in his “worry” #I appreciate all your jokes about true OFFMYCHEST [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ybjmoy/my_plastic_surgeon_exbfm54_is_here_he_is_still/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (24 Oct 22) **My plastic surgeon (ex)BF(m54) is here. He is still adamant that I (f39) need psych evaluation before "doing anything stupid"** # I wrote here late Friday about me finding out that my now bf was the surgeon that was scheduled to do my breast reduction surgery. When we found out I of course knew that we were gonna have to reschedule with a new doctor. he was silent and then said forget it I will never do it and I will make sure nobody else does it. he initially made it about how he loved my breasts and I was very offended and hurt. Yesterday he apologized over the phone and said that he he was just under stress because of what I sprung upon him and didn't formulate himself very well. While he loved my body it wasn't the reason why he is trying to block my procedure. He said that he suspects that I have BDD. And with surgeries like breast reduction, there are a lot of visible scarring and lost/reduced feel. He asked me to promise him to at least seek therapy before trying to make appointment. plastic surgeries here are done by private clinics and he said any suspicions of BDD and I'm deemed unfit because surgeons know that this type of clients are more prone to sue the clinic later and ruin the reputation. He showed up at my place this morning with breakfast. He said that he wanted to apologize and explain more. He told me that since I'm not big enough to get any physical benefits from a breast reduction, the major reason why women do this surgery, I'm only doing it because of my twisted body image. When I tried to protest he told me not to lie because often breast reduction surgeries are paid for by health care and are therefore free. You get a referral from your doctor to a clinic, but since I booked an appointment on my own and am willing to pay from my own pocket(10K€) then it was just a cosmetic procedure because I didn't fulfill the requirement to get a free surgery. He showed me pictures of scares in different stages of healing and explained in details, pros and cons. risks and side effects. When I was still defiant, he asked me to take my clothes off. I was taken aback by this request, EXCUSE ME? he said yes, we have been dating for 2 months and I've never seen you completely naked and free. Always trying to hide like you hate your body. I was very angry so I did it just to make a point. I told him that he's possessive and the way he talks to me in bed is what made me believe he didn't want me to change my body like he owned me or something. He looked surprised and said that he doesn't think he owned me and whatever he says in bed is just a part of sex. That, yes, he loves my body because it was mine and not because it looks a certain way, and that he wished I loved it as much as he did. because then I would see how beautiful it is. Afterwards he took me to the bathroom and made me stand in front of the mirror and he started complimenting every body part and at first I wanted to look away but he was persistent and told me he wished I could see how perfect I was. Now he is sleeping here and I'm more confused than ever. ​ Edit: edited out out the text that bothered ppl **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

OOP - The man I’m dating is the plastic surgeon that was going to perform my breast reduction surgery and now he refuses to do it.

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prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yhnp3o/oop_the_man_im_dating_is_the_plastic_surgeon_that/

yhpp12

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OP accusing roommate of dressing inappropriately when OP's Bf is around, doesn't find the support she was expecting.

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cynical_pandacat

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yhpp12/op_accusing_roommate_of_dressing_inappropriately/

yhxjz4

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Dealership burns OOP’s Mercedes (literally)

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yhxjz4/dealership_burns_oops_mercedes_literally/

yhxm5h

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OP's parents wouldn't give OP a family ring so OP could propose to their girlfriend because OP's sister isn't married yet

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yhxm5h/ops_parents_wouldnt_give_op_a_family_ring_so_op/

yhzz8l

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CONCLUDED: Wife who lied to police about step daughter

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/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yhzz8l/concluded_wife_who_lied_to_police_about_step/

yi1pa8

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TIFU by being tricked by a straight guy into dating him

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yi1wug

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TIFU by being tricked by a straight guy into dating him

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TIFU by being tricked by a straight guy into dating him

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yi1y4u/tifu_by_being_tricked_by_a_straight_guy_into/

yi2ezo

[removed]

OOP reaches out to the Formula 1 community to create a wonderful experience for a wonderful friend.

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yi2ezo/oop_reaches_out_to_the_formula_1_community_to/

yi56v6

[removed]

AITA for treating my adopted children the same as my biological child

CONCLUDED

J_Robert_Shevek

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yi56v6/aita_for_treating_my_adopted_children_the_same_as/

yi80fn

***I am NOT OP, this is a repost.*** **Trigger warning:** Death, stalking. NOTE: OP posted the the original with an account that has since been deleted. Her update was made with a new account. ​ [**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xrfrpl/my_mil_suddenly_passed_away_in_a_car_accident/)**, posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest\*\*, September 29th 2022.\*\* ​ **My MIL suddenly passed away in a car accident last month. At the same time my “stalker” disappeared** My MIL and I never had a good relationship. She has tried to sabotage my relationship with my husband since the day she met me. I wasn’t good enough for her handsome and successful boy. I contemplated ending my relationship several times but my husband always showed that he is on my side. And I love him. A few years ago, I started getting very threatening and scary emails and texts from a Pax. This Pax knew everything about me. It didn’t matter how many emails and phone numbers I changed they or “he” always found me. I made several reports but nothing happened. My husband tired everything to trace the emails. Nothing came out of it. This past year I basically never left the apartment alone. I haven’t received a single threatening text or email from Pax in a month. After a few days I wasn’t surprised. Felt like I always knew it was MIL deep down. My husband hasn’t reacted yet. He’s consumed with his grief and I don’t want to bother him, especially when he bitterly told me “you must be very pleased now” when we heard the news and I tried to comfort him (he apologized later and said he was just feeling guilty that he loved and chose me more that he loved her). Now I’m waiting for him to connect the dots. Will he get it? If he does, will he talk to me about it? I don’t know if I ever will bring it ip to hi Also I won’t relax and go back to my normal life just yet. But I know it in my heart that it’s over and I can’t he happier about my life. ​ **Top comments:** >*You know there are a lot of cases where people had tons of threatening letters and phone calls. In many they never found out who did it, and most people assumed it was some random psycho. But I wonder how many were someone close to them instead.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xrfrpl/comment/iqf6acw/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**Someone replies:** >> >>*There was an episode of "This American Life" about a woman was continuously the victim of identity theft; bank account kept getting hit despite changing cards, banks, everything.* [*Turned out she was living with the thief.*](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/587/transcript) ​ >*I agree that you should let him connect the dots on his own. I wouldn’t even drop hints to help him along the way.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xrfrpl/comment/iqezkkr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >*If they start up again, it's definitely still someone in the family. They would have been too distracted/busy with this to maintain the harassment but if it starts up again, the timing is too on-the-nose to ignore. I'd go to the police if it starts back up, it's definitely mentally unwell behavior and who knows what it could lead to. Sorry you've had to deal with this.* > >*/ I sincerely hope that, for whatever reason, it's not actually your husband, he's my #2 suspect// watched too much Investigation Discovery as a youth* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xrfrpl/comment/iqf1sxj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ​ >Please don't accuse your MIL to him. He can connect the dots on his own and bring it up if he wants to discuss it. For now, enjoy your new stalker-free life and go out without fear. [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xrfrpl/comment/iqflaj2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ​ [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yc6y8x/my_story_with_my_deceased_mil_and_my_stalker/)**, posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest\*\*, October 24th 2022.\*\* ​ **My story with my deceased MIL and my stalker** Hi! I was here maybe a month ago (if i find it I will post it) talking about me suspecting that my MIL was my stalker who tormented me for years. I was trying to get advice about whether or not to tell my husband who was mourning her. I decided to wait a little but after venting here I was sure that she was my stalker. I started living like I never did before. With 10 minutes walks alone, then 15 then 1/2 hour and so on. At first my husband didn’t notice my freedom or maybe he did but was processing it himself. Last Friday I told him that I was going out with the girls. Alone? Yes! Want me to drive you there? No need! Are you not afraid anymore? No, my stalker won’t bother me again. He kissed me and wished me a nice evening. When I came home around midnight, he was still up. He said that he wanted to talk to me. He asked me, was my mother your stalker? Yes! He broke down crying. He said he has always suspected her and even talked to her a couple of times about it and she made him so guilty by accusing him of being my simp(sorry I don’t know a better word for it). He said he noticed how I after so many years of fear and anxiety stopped eventually crying in my sleep and he has noticed that I haven’t woken him up for a a month now. I actually don’t remember half the timea i woke him up in terror but he always told me and my therapist about it whenever it happened. He apologized for never discussing it with me and never protected me from his family even though he had suspicions. Honestly I’m not even mad or disappointed. If the police couldn’t help me I don’t know how much my husband could have done and I just want to move on and leave this behind. We are going to start couples therapy and my husband is planning to tell his family that MIL was my stalker. He is adamant about it and honestly I think its a good idea. My husband has also decided not to attend the headstone setting on MIL’s grave ​ **Top comments** >*I can't imagine the terror that was inflicted on you throughout this experience. I hope you are proud of yourself and your husband for working together to find closure.* > >*It must have been incredibly difficult not telling him your suspicion towards your mother-in-law. You are far stronger than I, and likely most people, would have been if put in this predicament.* > >*Congratulations on your newly found freedom. I hope you and your husband find peace and healing in the months and years to come.* > >*Please keep us updated on how your inlaws handle the situation. Denial can be difficult to overcome, especially when it revolves around a family members' actions.* > >*I remember reading your original post and being deeply troubled by the circumstances you were facing. I don't know you, but I want you to know that I admire your strength.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yc6y8x/comment/itkv8aa/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**OOP's response:** >> >>*I’m so happy that I got my life back and that my husband doesn’t hate me for it. He believed me* >> >>>**Follow up comment:** >>> >>>*The love and mutual respect you two share shows so clearly through your story. You had the grace to give him time to come to the realization on his own. He had the grace to recognize how your struggling coincided with his mothers' presence in your lives.* >>> >>>*It's a beautiful outcome to a deeply troubling experience. Ya'll must be two very strong people who have found eachother and made the decision to navigate this world as partners.* >>> >>>*Here's to a lifetime of love and understanding.* >>> >>>>**OOP's response:** >>>> >>>>*I wanted so many times to leave the relationship because I couldn’t take the stalking any longer but he has been nothing but supportive and kind to me and i love him so much. I’m glad we stuck together 😊🥰* ​ >*The only risk to clueing family in is that one of them starts it up to say see it wasn't MIL, and trying to clear her name that way? Allowing a bit of a delay to telling them might be wise move, unless you trust them all 100 and they knew how MIL was.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yc6y8x/comment/itkvl6u/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ​ >*I remember your post. I’m amazed you had the self control not to say anything to him, I’m not sure I would have. I’m sorry she put you through such hell but so glad for you that it’s over! I hope that your husband is able to process this and truly come to terms with what his mother put you through. What she ultimately put you both through. Enjoy your freedom from fear and I wish many happy years for you both. :)* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yc6y8x/comment/itkx5qd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**OOP's response:** >> >>*I didn’t want to talk to him while he was already down. It didn’t feel right* ​ >*If you have really bad enablers of your MIL, it may not be a good idea to tell them that she was the stalker otherwise your "stalker" may come back by someone trying to clear her name. I would proceed with extreme caution* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yc6y8x/comment/itlogb8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ​ **NOTE: Marking it as concluded as OOP's second account is also unavailable and I doubt there will be further updates** # Friendly reminder that I am NOT OP, this is a repost.

OP's MIL suddenly dies in a car accident and her stalker just so happens to disappear at the same time.

CONCLUDED

swankycelery

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yi80fn/ops_mil_suddenly_dies_in_a_car_accident_and_her/

yia7bz

[deleted]

My [34M] girlfriend [31F] of 2 months is pregnant and wants us to keept the baby.

REPOST

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yia7bz/my_34m_girlfriend_31f_of_2_months_is_pregnant_and/

yia87u

**I am not OP.** Posted by u/UnexpectedDad   [**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/4gooqv/) _- April 27, 2016_ I met my girlfriend on OKCupid in February and had our first date on 25th February. Things then moved really fast and with me staying at her place 5 night out of 7 most weeks. We became so comfortable so quickly, that she gave me a key before 6 weeks had passed, though she later admitted she mistakingly thought we had been dating much longer. Yesterday she was very quiet and appeared to be visibly worried and holding something in. After a little questioning she finally admitted she was pregnant. Neither of us are religious, and I don't believe that life begins at conception, so my first instinct was that we should probably abort this unplanned pregnancy; however, it is her body and I felt the choice was predominantly hers to make, so told her I would fully support what ever decision she made. She has decided she wants to keep the baby and I'm trying to act really supportive and reassure her that everything will be okay, but inside I'm petrified and suddenly feel very trapped. She went to the doctor today who confirmed she's around 4 weeks, and scheduled a 12 week scan. She doesn't want us to tell anyone until 12 weeks as due to an existing medical condition there is a slightly higher than normal chance of miscarriage; however, I could really do with some advice/reassurance so I'm turning to you guys instead. I really don't feel ready for any of this and also really worried this situation will make me resent my girlfriend and ruin our relationship. At the same time I was raised by a single mother and always vowed to never be an absentee father. I'm so confused right now, but trying to act calm for her and be reassuring, but can tell she's worried about me and the situation we found ourselves in. Help! TLDR: Found out girlfriend of 2 months accidentally became pregnant around one month after we first met. She wants to keep the baby, and I'm secretly freaked out whilst trying to act supportive.   [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/kt6zil/) _- January 9, 2021_ Stumbled upon this throwaway Reddit account I made almost almost five years ago, and thought my post was probably overdue an update. Firstly - Guys. Just wear a condom. For the sake of everyone involved. In the end, I decided to shelf my fears and doubts and commit to the relationship and focus on helping my girlfriend through the pregnancy. We we're both reasonably honest with each other about the reality it might not work out in the long run, but both wanted to make it work. I joined her at several scans & hospital appointments, parenting classes, and gave notice on my own apartment to move in with her permanently. Explaining the situation to friends, family and work was an interesting experience given most didn't even know I was in a relationship yet. Before the shock news, my mum had actually joked to me about hurrying up and giving her a grandchild already. Thankfully everyone was really supportive (though some took a while before they could stop laughing). There were some complications with the pregnancy that resulted in a few stressful times, which were exasperated by the placenta covering the baby making it hard for her to feel babies movements. Eventually though, our daughter was born a little early near the end of 2016. That moment is a indescribable experience, let me tell you. Since my daughters birth, we bought a home in an area better suited to raising a child, and were married almost a year later. For those that suggested that the baby might not be mine, I can confirm she looks (and acts) just like me and shares all the distinct features of my family. But even if she wasn't, my daughter and I have built such a strong bond I wouldn't even care. For those worried my GF was trying to trap me: Over the last few years she helped me clear my debts, forced encouraged me to finally seek professional help in getting my long history of anxiety and depression under control, and also subsequently encouraged and supported me (emotionally and financially) in leaving my well paid but soul-destroying career to retrain and start over from scratch in a far more satisfying career. If this is what trapped feels like, I wholeheartedly recommend it. In short, this accidental pregnancy was probably the best 'worse thing' to ever happen to me. But I am very aware that I'm most probably the exception that proves the rule. TLDR: My GF of two months fell pregnant and I freaked out a little (internally, while trying to appear calm for her). Five years later we became parents to a beautiful (and very cheeky) daughter, purchased a new home, and have been happily married for 3 years (in that order).

My [34M] girlfriend [31F] of 2 months is pregnant and wants us to keep the baby.

REPOST

rainingsakuras

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yia87u/my_34m_girlfriend_31f_of_2_months_is_pregnant_and/

yibvor

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/halfbakedlikeacake **in** r/AmItheAsshole   trigger warnings: NONE mood spoilers: >!Good Compromise!<   [**AITA for refusing to give my newborn’s social security number to my aunt?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bwoxwx/comment/epz1kn2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 4th June 2019 Two months ago my wife and I had a beautiful, healthy baby girl, Leyla. Sunday was the first big family get-together we’ve had in the last few months and we received a couple of presents from family members who couldn’t make it to the baby shower. My aunt had a different idea for a present, she wanted to open a bank account in Leyla’s name and deposit money into it for birthdays, etc. When Leyla turned 18, she’d be able to access the money. I thought it sounded a bit strange since anyone on a joint account can access the money whenever they want but my wife thought it was a responsible thing to do. My aunt called yesterday in order to go open the account, but she wanted Leyla’s social security number. I told her straight up no, I didn’t feel comfortable giving out that information. She told my mother and my mother got upset at me for it. Not that it’s really her business since I’m 30 and live a state away, but she said I was being too apprehensive about it. I just don’t know why she can’t open an account and just let us add her later. AITA for not letting my aunt have my newborn daughter’s social security number to open a bank account?   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c5qju8/update_aita_for_refusing_to_give_my_newborns/) \- 26th June 2019 I was able to speak with my aunt and my mother a week and a half ago. My aunt was actually still pretty upset about it and my mother still took her side. I explained why exactly I didn’t feel good about giving her Leyla’s social security number. They both told me about how their aunts/uncles had opened accounts for them 40+ years ago for the exact same purpose and they didn’t see anything wrong with it. After explaining to them that 40 years ago you didn’t have to worry much about someone stealing your identity, let alone before you could eat solid food, they seemed to understand. We ended up working out a compromise - My wife and I opened a bank account which lets both my aunt and my mother make deposits but not withdrawals, nor can they see any details about the account in their online banking portal. Everything seemed to have worked out well. Yesterday, my mom called and told me her credit card company had called about a several hundred dollar charge from Romania. She had the card cancelled, looked at her credit, saw a totally different credit card had been opened in her name. She said it completely justified my hesitation. Her information was stolen in the Equifax breach a couple of years ago. Moral of the story: Trust your gut on financial matters. While my mom and aunt had good intentions in mind, you really can’t be too careful these days.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP - AITA for refusing to give my newborn’s social security number to my aunt?

CONCLUDED

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yibvor/oop_aita_for_refusing_to_give_my_newborns_social/

yie7mh

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/throwra53464899 in r/trueoffmychest. Trigger Warning - >!stalking, physical violence!< Mood Spoiler - >!unsatisfactory!< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y4sa4k/my_girlfriend_confessed_to_having_feelings_for_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (16 Oct 22) **My girlfriend confessed to having feelings for my sister's husband.** My girlfriend of 6 months just admitted to having "feelings" for my sister's husband (currently dealing with issues) . I'm confused and hurt but her statement just made sense of all the weird shit that happened in the past couple of months. I remember when I first brought her to meet my family, BIL didn't come because he was s. My sister kept talking to his sister on the phone to check in on him. I remember we were talking about him and she (hadn't met him yet) just stared. Second she visited, BIL came and I remember when I stood there with my girlfriend next to me waiting to great BIL, I looked at her and something seemed off with the way she was looking at him. The rest of the evening, she kept to herself and avoided us. Third time she visited, I noticed that she started dressing up more nicely, putting heavier makeup, ton of perfume etc. I noticed a strange behavior all around. Pluse she seemed distant and refused to let me hold her hand when we were all sitting talking in the living room including BIL. I then fiubd out that she started visiting my oarents house randomly and without me, probably hoping to see BIL there. At first I couldn't find an explanation but yesterday, she broke down and said that she was no longer sure about us and admitted to having feelings for BIL in the same breath. I blew up at her, I told her to stay the fuck away from my family after she said that she's going to find a way to tell him. We had a fight and I kicked her out. I feel so fucking dumb right now, I don't know what to do, warn my sistsr or tell bil directly. I feel like I brought this on my family and my now ex girlfriend is threatning to make a move. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ybqppo/update_my_girlfriend_confessed_to_having_feelings/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (24 October 22) **UPDATE; My girlfriend confessed to having feelings for my sister's husband.** Hello! So I wanna start off by saying I'm sorry for not making some things clear and answering your questions. My BIL never met my ex before nor they had a history or anything like some here assumed. He's been sick for a while and has been mostly at home. After my ex and I broke up. I went to my parents house to put them in the picture. I was stunned when mom told me she knew. I asked her to explain and she told me that she noticed my ex's strange behavior after she started visiting alone and asking lots of questions about my BIL. She (my mom) said she somewhat knew my ex was behaving kind of weird at the very mention of BIL. I was urged to not escalate things and just block her and move and not tell my sister or BIL. I was stupid and listened to their advice and 2 days later, my sistee ontacted me saying my ex showed up multiple times to her home but didn't mention anything and said she visited to chat with her. I freaked out and knew that I needed to tell her. I told her to not let her in to her house anymore and arranged for us both to meet at my parents house. My parents kept trying to talk me out of escalating things because they said my sister may not take this lightly and might get physical with my ex. My sister arrived and I told her what happened. She seemed to be in a state of disbelif and it really took her some time to digust what I told her. My parents tried to downplay it because theg didn't want my sister to do anything irrational and out of anger. I apologized to her and told her that I had no idea how things turned that way and that what happened was too much for me to take but I didn't want this to escalate. My mom suggested we let it slide and move on and not even tell BIL but my sister got into an argument with her telling her to stay out of it then left. The very next day, I got a call from my mom screaming saying my sister beat up my ex after she showed up to her house and refused to leave before seeing BIL. Both got arrested and this is when my BIL understood everything. He's mad at me and refused to speak to me when I met him at the station to support my sister and give my statement. My mom said I'm thd reason my sister was taken in and I haven't seen them in days. I don't know what they're gonna do. I wanted to file an RO but got told I won't be eligible to get it. Not only that but my ex is the offended party here and me and the family basically "owe her". My BIL wants to see me tonight tk have a 1on1 talk about the whole thing. Honestly I feel ashamed I brought a legit stalker his way and got my suster in to troubke with police because of my ex. They got enough to deal with they don't need this shit on top of it. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

OOP's girlfriend has feelings for his brother in law.

ONGOING

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yie7mh/oops_girlfriend_has_feelings_for_his_brother_in/

yietr9

I’m not the OP. Original post is by u/Ornery-Form-7090 on r/AmItheAsshole. I have added paragraphs for easier reading. TW: >!Animal abuse!< ————————— [AITA for telling a mom that if her kid dies it’s on her?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xgrl1o/aita_for_telling_a_mom_that_if_her_kid_dies_its/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - 17 Sept -22 I (25F) work in a stable. On Saturday mornings we have beginner groups for kids that want to start riding. Them and their parents gather for about 1.5 hours every Saturday. When the kids have their first lesson I teach them the first three rules that must be followed at all times. 1. No running in the stables/around the horses 2. No screaming in the stables 3. Never ever walk up/stand behind a horse. This new group had their third lesson today. Usually the kiddos are really good at following the rules and listen to what I say, if they don’t their parents usually step up and get them to behave. But I have this one boy who’s been a problem since day 1. He’s loud, he runs and he’s very disruptive. After the first lesson I pulled his mother aside and ask that she help keep him calm and if he’s not listening to me it would be very helpful if she told him off. I guess she didn’t listen as last week we had the same issues. This time I told him that if he didn’t listen to me he would not get to ride the horses. He threw a tantrum, she didn’t help. Today I was dreading teaching him and I don’t know if my patience is wearing thin or if he was worse than usual but it was driving me crazy. At one point he’s bolting full speed ahead towards a horse facing away from him. Before he can get too close I manage to grab his arm and pull him to a stop. I guess I grabbed him a little hard because he yelled. His mother storms up to me and grabs her son and tells me not to touch him and how dare I do this to him. I tell her he’s a danger to himself and others. She disagrees and argues with me and at this point I’m fed up and tell her that if he dies in this stable because he scares a horse it would be on her. She’s furious and grabs her son and storms off. The other parents seem relieved about the fact that he’s probably not coming back but when I tell a friend about this she calls me fucking psycho for saying that to a mom. AITA? ————————— **Relevant comments from OP** *INFO: how old (approx.) are these kids? NTA either way I’m just wondering* Youngest kid is 6 oldest is 8. This boy is seven. *Am I the only one who thinks this kid is not neurotypical? I think OP is NTA for grabbing the kid and saving him from being seriously injured or worse. However, it certainly seems like OP was not understanding of this child's difficulties from the beginning. YTA for the way you spoke to the mom. If you can not handle a neurodiverse child, then you need to speak up. It would have made way more sense to tell the mom early on that you don't feel comfortable teaching her child. The mom may not have liked that, but you would've kept him and all the other children out of danger and had a better environment for everyone. It would also allow that child and his mom to find another program or instructor who was capable of working with him.* He could be I guess. But it was not something I was informed of and it is not my job to diagnose the kids I teach. We have groups for special needs children and they usually work perfectly fine. Hell, we have a program for disabled adults who can’t work that come to the stable to help out. Even if the kid is neurodivergent, it is something we could work with, but it was not something we were informed of. ————————— [Update post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Ornery-Form-7090/comments/y94b3e/update_post/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - 20 Oct -22 I wasn’t gonna post an update but I’ve been asked for one and I feel like this is crazy enough to warrant an update lol so here we are. My post got removed bc the mods are aholes :) The Monday after it all went down my boss/the manager of the stable got a call from the mom. She was furious, demanded her money back for the three lessons etc etc. I had explained everything to my boss before so she told the mom that she wouldn’t get her money back as she had agreed to this when she signed her son up for lessons. She also told her that since her son was a danger not only to himself but to others that he wasn’t welcome back. The mom went batshit and yelled a bunch of obscenities before hanging up. A calm two weeks followed before shit hit the fan. The first thing that happened was that we arrived to the stable in the morning to find all the ponies had gotten out of their pasture. The ponies are “free range”(?), basically they are outside 24/7. Somehow they had escaped and were thankfully just grazing up in the forest close to the stable. We thought that maybe a wild animal had gotten into the pasture and spooked them? A moose maybe? Whilst we usually don’t have wolfs around here they have been seen close by so it’s not impossible. We checked the fence and fixed it and all was well. Didn’t think much about it. Until it escalated. One night a couple of days later I get a call that the outhouse the ponies usually sleep in was on fucking fire. It was so scary. Thankfully they were not in the house when this happened but someone wanted to hurt them. You can’t see anything in the pasture at night so you couldn’t see that they were outside. That day we bought cameras and notified the police of course but they couldn’t do much. They told us it was probably some kids doing it as there have been fires set in dumpsters and a garden shed recently. We installed the cameras and took turns staying in the stable at night. Nothing really happened for a week and a half so we stopped staying there. A few days later I arrive in the morning to find cuts on some of the horses. Someone had come into the stable at night and fucking hurt the horses. I called my colleagues and the police and when we watched the camera footage there was a man seen entering and exiting the stable. Fucking guess what? It was the husband of the crazy mom!! The police arrested him so hopefully they both get what’s coming to them. It’s been a crazy few weeks and I’m quite tired. But I’m ok and the horses are on their way to ok now as well. *Reminder: I am not the op*

OP tells a mom she’s responsible if her kid dies and then things take a turn

ONGOING

umeanalatte

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yietr9/op_tells_a_mom_shes_responsible_if_her_kid_dies/

yif1li

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Expert_Skirt789 in r/relationship_advice** trigger warning: >!cheating!< [My (21F) boyfriend (22M) got a blowjob from another girl but he says it's not cheating](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/y8b3o7/my_21f_boyfriend_22m_got_a_blowjob_from_another/) (posted 10/20/22) I met my boyfriend during my freshman year of college and we've been together for 2 years. Yesterday, an acquaintance of mine said she saw him talking to another girl at a party and that they left together. I confronted him about it and he admitted that they went to her dorm room but wouldn't say anything else. I kept probing him and he eventually admitted that she gave him a blowjob but said that nothing else happened. I was furious and almost in tears so I tried to leave but he stopped me and said it didn't count as cheating because he was just using her mouth to masturbate and that it wasn't that different from using a fleshlight. I told him that we were done and left. Now he's been texting me all day to say he's sorry and that he didn't know that I considered blowjobs to be cheating. In my mind it's 100% cheating but he seems genuinely confused at my reaction. It's not like I never gave him blowjobs so I can't understand why he did this. He said he wants to talk to me to work things out but I really don't think I can trust him again. I'm still angry and hurt and it hurts even more that he thought I would be ok with this. Should I even bother meeting with him or should I just finalize the breakup by text? Our relationship has been wonderful up until this happened so I'm just really unsure of what to do. [Update: My (21F) boyfriend (22M) got a blowjob from another girl but he says it's not cheating](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/y9y5i9/update_my_21f_boyfriend_22m_got_a_blowjob_from/) (posted 10/21/22) First of all thank you all so much to everyone who told me to leave him and not look back! You really validated my decision and I'm confident I made the right choice, especially because of what he did afterwards. I decided to finalize the breakup over text but he kept on asking to work it out and insisted we meet. I didn't reply to that but he spotted me at the dining commons today and sat down across from me before I noticed him. He said "I know I made a mistake but we can get past this" as if it were up for debate. I tried to be as brief as possible and just said no to every excuse and plea he made. Finally he said that if he couldn't persuade me to get back together again could I at least give him one more blowjob. I put my stuff back into my bag and got up to leave and he said "I hope you know I only asked that because you give the best ones I've ever had." I'm back in my room now and I feel completely disgusted and degraded by what he said. I'm guessing he thought by comparing me to others favorably I'd be more likely to give in. I've made sure to block his number and on all social media. I'm going out with friends tonight so hopefully I can take my mind off of all this. But I still feel angry and betrayed and it's only gotten worse after our talk. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP's Ex Has One Final Request

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SlobMarley13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yif1li/oops_ex_has_one_final_request/

yifmli

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My father in law lied to my husband that I cheated on him — I DID NOT

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[deleted]

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yigwm9

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My (21F) boyfriend (22M) got a blowjob from another girl but he says it's not cheating

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yigwm9/my_21f_boyfriend_22m_got_a_blowjob_from_another/

yihc7e

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Found my bf on bumble

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yihc7e/found_my_bf_on_bumble/

yihtbh

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AITA for asking my sister to leave after she tried to kick me out of my own house?

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yihtbh/aita_for_asking_my_sister_to_leave_after_she/

yiijle

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/jesschristina in r/amitheasshole** *This was previously posted here a year ago.* ---   [**AITA for asking my sister to leave after she tried to kick me out of my own house?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kiezhv/aita_for_asking_my_sister_to_leave_after_she/) - 22 December 2020 My (26F) sister, who I’ll call Emily moved in with her husband (29M), who I’ll call Roger two years back. Emily and I were never very close, but we were family nonetheless. Recently, they decided to get their house renovated and because it’s been quite disastrous at their place, they asked if they could move in with me last week, I was a little shocked because we haven’t spoken in a while but I said it would be fine with me. Emily wanted to have a talk- She asked if her and Roger could have the place to themselves on Christmas Day and Christmas Eve. I asked where she thinks I can go, her response? “I don’t know, get a motel.” She continued to tell me how I can afford a couple days in a motel and it won’t kill me. She told me it’s nothing against me, it’s just that they have their own traditions and like to spend the holiday together. They chose to get their house renovated during this time, KNOWING it would interfere with their Christmas traditions. So, I asked them to leave. I can’t put my life on hold and move out because they want to spend the holiday with each other. They won’t be homeless, my parents took them in but they called me absolutely infuriated because I refused to let them stay, and wouldn’t let them enjoy the holiday after all the trouble they went through with the renovations. AITA? EDIT: thank you for the awards and support! I keep seeing the “how could you be an asshole” comment, I understand it, but my entire family did turn against me, that sort of thing messes with your head. Thank you nonetheless for all of your help. Verdict: NTA   [**UPDATE: AITA for asking my sister to leave after she tried to kick me out of my own house?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m29at1/update_aita_for_asking_my_sister_to_leave_after/) - 10 March 2021 It has been a few months since my last post and a lot has changed. After Christmas, my sister called me to apologize for what she had said, she told me she had been dealing with a lot of issues at that time and she didn’t mean what she said. I felt sorry for her, I really did, so I told her all was okay and that she and Roger are forgiven. Fast forward a month and Emily and Roger are getting separated, I don’t know their business but I know that financial problems were a big part of it. She had asked to stay with me again and I, feeling sorry for her, said okay. The first day she came to stay with me was great. We got along well, ordered takeout and watched a movie together, something we haven’t done since we were very young. Keep in mind that my house has three bedrooms, one belongs to me, one is a guest bedroom and one is just a pretty much empty room. I decided to furnish the smaller guest room instead of the bigger one as I keep my violin and other instruments in there. She was staying in my guest bedroom, a very small space with just a bed and a nightstand, this was a downgrade from her living space, but she didn’t seem to mind. About two nights after she came, she asked if there’s anyway that she can switch the rooms. Keep in mind that I had no idea how long she was planning on staying, so I didn’t think it was a big deal. The room has a comfortable bed and a nightstand with some drawers, it’s not permanent, so I told her no. This was when the bigger problems started. She began to leave her dirty clothes and dishes all over the floor. She’d stained a quilt that a close friend of mine had made for me with food. I asked her to please keep my rooms tidy and she started to breakdown crying. She told me she was feeling very down and that she is sorry. I understand this sort of thing, but I still asked her to keep tidy as she was living here for free. She kept doing it, however, and I asked her to leave again to stay with my parents... dick move? Maybe, but the room was dirty and smelled disgusting. A few of my friends say I’m too harsh with her, but I had really tried to get along with her, but we just don’t work. She didn’t give my parents her sob story this time, though, and so there were no more fights with my parents. Fast forward again to last week - my sister gives me a call and apologizes, she told me that she knows we can never be friends, but she hopes we can be civil, I said absolutely. I want to take a moment to thank all of the people who took time to respond to me, you guys helped me get through Christmas, 2020.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for asking my sister to leave after she tried to kick me out of my own house?

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toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yiijle/aita_for_asking_my_sister_to_leave_after_she/

yij60q

Another one from Ask A Manager. I thought this one was an odd situation, and a lot of the readers seemed to be baffled as well. **I am not OOP. OOP wrote to Alison on** [**askamanager.org**](https://askamanager.org) Per Alison's request, her response has not been included in this post but is available to view via the links below. Mood Spoiler: >!reasonable ending though frankly I have some lingering questions!< **Original Post: July 14, 2021 (link at the bottom)** I’ve noticed something odd about how my boss talks to me. He doesn’t physically acknowledge me in social settings — if I’m standing in a group with him and others, he doesn’t look at me at all, but he does look at everyone else. I can’t remember the last time he looked at me in casual conversation, though we’ve been in that setting many times. If I say or ask something, he’ll acknowledge or answer it, and will even address me directly, but he never looks at me or even turns to face me. I’ve looked, and I’ve not seen him do this with anyone else — just me. This even happens when there’s just one other person — he’ll face them and not me, even while directly addressing me. A non-English speaker would easily think he wasn’t talking to me. I once told a friend I’d buy them a drink if my boss looked at me during a conversation. It lasted 10 minutes, and he engaged everyone else, but I didn’t have to buy a drink. On another occasion, I pulled faces at him to see if he’d notice. He didn’t, even though he verbally addressed me many times — while looking at someone else. When we talk over email or over the phone, there’s nothing unusual, and he will look at me when we talk about something work-related. It’s just face-to-face social settings where he doesn’t look at me. During Covid, we’ve been completely remote, but we’re just starting to reopen, and so I’ve started to notice it again. I’ve observed it pretty often now and I really don’t think I’m mistaken. I otherwise have a good relationship with him. I like my work, and he clearly respects me professionally, trusts me with projects, and gives me opportunities. I also get along with him personally — he’s invited my husband and me over to dinner on occasions (my husband works in the same place), and shared personal details with me that he doesn’t talk about with many others — things like that. This isn’t directly related, but worth mentioning as it may be relevant: a while ago, I made a pretty major mistake. When he caught wind of it, his response was to ring my husband up and have him talk to me (my husband’s role has no crossover with mine). He never spoke to me about it directly at all. I apologized for the mistake, but told him I needed him to talk to me directly and not use my husband as proxy. He did sort of back down, though I don’t think he really understood. And I never got a full apology, though my husband did. What I really want to ask is, why might he be doing this? And also, should I (or even, can I) call him out on it? Calling him out in the moment seems difficult — there are necessarily other people around when he does it, so unless there’s a super subtle way of doing it, I don’t see how I can, but is it really worth having a separate conversation with him? Or should I just let it go? A couple of years ago, I would probably have said “I don’t mind, I’m just puzzled by it.” But now, I’m starting to mind. ​ *Alison responded with some questions including "has this always happened/when did it start, did it start after the incident with your husband, and when you are at his place for dinner, does he look at you?"* ​ I’ve known him almost six years, and as far as I can tell, it’s always happened, though I’ve become more aware of it probably in the past three years. At least I can’t recall it suddenly starting. He doesn’t look at me at his house either, though it’s less noticeable. Sometimes it’s just my husband and me, sometimes there’s one or two others (he has people over reasonably often). When it’s just my husband and me over, I do get the impression he’d rather be talking just to my husband, but maybe felt he had to invite me over too — to the extent that if we’re asked again, I would probably find an excuse not to go and let my husband go on his own. **Alison's response** [here](https://www.askamanager.org/2021/07/my-boss-will-not-physically-acknowledge-me-in-social-settings.html) ​ **Update** [Post](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/06/update-my-boss-will-not-physically-acknowledge-me-in-social-settings.html)**: June 30, 2022** Thank you for answering my question! It was so helpful and validating to know that yes, this was bizarre, as well as encouraging me to broach it with my boss. Because it didn’t affect our working relationship hugely, I didn’t know if this particular sleeping lion was worth poking. I also loved your wild speculations – as well as from the AAM commentariat. I’ve spent a lot of energy speculating what might be going on, so it was pretty nice and amusing to see so many other people getting so invested too! I still don’t know for definite what was happening with him, but I do think I have a clearer idea now. I have a bit of trouble believing sexism or discrimination is a factor. He seems to connect a lot with people who often get sidelined (not only with women, but also people with less natural charisma, the less attractive, minorities, things like that) — nothing I can describe really well, but I get a very welcoming and accepting vibe from him that’s honestly refreshing, so I found the discrimination theory kind of hard to believe for that reason. While I may be biased, I also found it hard to believe he has a crush on me… or on my husband, but that’s less easy to pin down. He is, however, definitely fond of my husband (they have similar interests) which I think I brushed off before, but like some commenters pointed out, he does go to somewhat of an effort to talk to my husband. On one occasion a couple of years ago he had a pretty serious injury that landed him in hospital, and while recovering, my husband was one of the first people he rang. I certainly don’t know of any other colleagues he rang. I’ll also add to that incident — my husband and I sent him a “get better” card. He texted my husband to say thank you. He didn’t contact or mention me. I still don’t find the crush idea plausible, but maybe a version of it might be? You could call it a professional crush perhaps? Though I don’t think that can be the only reason he doesn’t look at me – he avoids looking at me when my husband isn’t around too. Some commenters suggested he might find me attractive, a few others suggested he might find me the opposite – I’m not conventionally attractive, so that’s unlikely to be a factor, but I am pretty large and busty, so it might have something to do with those. As far as I’m aware, I’m not a ghost. His wife I’ve only met once, maybe twice, and she seems lovely and normal. A lot of the commenters suggested calling him out when it happens, but that’s not really so simple to do. While there are occasions where he’ll clearly be talking directly to me and looking at someone else, that doesn’t happen very often — more often we’ll be standing or sitting in a group of about \~5 (maybe over a coffee) and he’ll chat and glance at everyone in that circle in turn except me. Or sometimes he’ll make a comment to someone and I’ll think “that was an odd comment to make to John about sailing — I’ve not known him have any interest in sailing.” And then later remember I recently told him about going sailing when younger and realise that comment was probably meant for me. Put enough of those occasions together, and you start to notice a pattern. So I decided I would speak to my boss, using the script you provided (I’d also love to shout out to commenter animaniactoo, who gave some helpful scripts as well). I asked him privately using your script: “Can I ask you something a bit awkward? Have I done anything to bother you or make you feel uncomfortable?” He was pretty taken aback (I guess predictably), and I told him that he often didn’t look at me but did seem to look at everyone else. Talking to him worked — for a while. After that conversation, he did start to look at me a lot more. It did sometimes feel a bit forced or awkward, but I didn’t mind that. But a few months down the line, I started to notice it happening less, and now he’s … maybe marginally better than before? But not a lot. From what I’ve learned since, I think the key factors have to be: 1) I’m not neurotypical, and 2) neither is my boss. I have Asperger’s syndrome, and I suspect he does as well. After I spoke to him initially, he did explain he has some degree of neurodivergence, and that might be why he often didn’t make eye contact with people when they might expect him too, though I didn’t think that explained why he did this primarily with me. I shared with him that I have Asperger’s (I’m not normally “out” at work). From his reaction, I think he’d maybe guessed, and he did seem to suggest my neurodivergence might be a factor too. I think perhaps he feels a bit socially awkward sometimes, and he senses a similar energy from me which is why he can’t look at me? I don’t know exactly what’s going on, but I think that has to be something to do with it. I don’t know what my next move’s going to be, but for now I’m just trying not to care. Thank you again for encouraging me to talk to him, and for validating that this was definitely unusual. Aside from this, my job is going really well, and I’ve had the chance to take on more responsibilities, which have gone well and I’ve really enjoyed. I really enjoy my work and believe in the company, so this one behavior did bother me, so I feel happier knowing it’s probably not me. Many thanks for publishing my letter and for your advice! ​ **Personally my favorite line in this whole thing is "As far as I'm aware, I'm not a ghost."**

AAM- my boss will not physically acknowledge me in social settings

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LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yij60q/aam_my_boss_will_not_physically_acknowledge_me_in/

yimsbe

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Million Dollar Student Loan Issue

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yimsbe/million_dollar_student_loan_issue/

yimtup

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MCEX scummed me

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Puzzleheaded-Plan336

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yimtup/mcex_scummed_me/

yioghc

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My boss suspended me for his negligence so I ruined his life.

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[deleted]

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yiokvk

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/generalbeneficial675 in r/relationship_advice** trigger warning: >!body shaming!< ---   [**I(30M) strongly believe my best friend(30M) is in love with my gf(29F)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xpx7wg/i30m_strongly_believe_my_best_friend30m_is_in/) - 28 September 2022 I would like advice if should I simply cut him off with no explanation or should I confront him? Just for background, my gf and I have been together going on 5 years. I love her, my love for her has evolved and in the near future I plan to propose. Now my best friend lets call him Connor, I've known since childhood. Since the beginning Connor has never said anything good about my gf. He would "joke" when we would hangout about her weight. At first I took his words as a joke but after a while I told him that I didn't like it when he goes in on her appearance and he stopped talking about it for a bit. About a week ago Connor, his gf, my gf and I took to a trip Vegas and it brought something to my attention. So my gf is beautiful and I know this and even others know this because when we go out clubbing or anything really, guys constantly ask her to for her number, to dance or buy her drinks. This doesn't bother me because I can hold my own of I have to and honestly getting drunk on another man's dime doesn't hurt me either. Well Connor was talking out his neck this one night as my gf brought me drink after drink men were buying for her. She was passing them to me and Connor's gf too, so we were all pretty drunk but at one point Connor pulled my gf to the side and just went off talking about "Why are you flirting with these men? have you forgotten you have a man" it sounded like he was her boyfriend and not me. I jumped in and told him to lay off her but he wouldn't stop. It got so bad that the night ended a little early, once we were in the room, I asked my gf what she thought of Connor's behavior she said "honestly I hate it it makes uncomfortable that he acts like a jealous boyfriend or something" I take my lady's words into consideration, and I agree. All the "jokes" he tried to make about her, acting like her bf even if I was around because of the attention she gets. Then a memory of another time where we argued about what she wore to a state fair double date we had gone with him and his gf because he felt it wasn't appropriate but really she looked amazing and I loved her fit, so it didn't make sense then but it feels like it makes sense now. Part of me wants to confirm but other part just wants to act like we simply grew apart. Any advice is appreciated. **Update:** Hey ya'll this post really took off. I wasn't going to update simply because there wasn't much of anything to update about. In the end, I did confront Connor and well a whole lot of nothing happened. Just some yelling back and forth, he acknowledge that he acted crazy with my girl but no accountability from his part was said. I was hurt about the exchange and I wasn't gonna stop until I got to the bottom of it. So I did what I could to try and get clarity because ya'll have to see my side, I grew up with this man. I saw him as my brother and potential best man and I really wanted to know if he turned into a disgusting person right before my eyes before I start mourning the loss of our friendship. Anyway, Connor and I used to play 2K, a basketball video game, and on here we were part a squad of people we only met online, however I am super close to one of them, let's call him Brad. I PM'd Brad a little rundown of what had happened between Connor and I and explained that I wasn't going to play for a bit, just in case Connor was and probably open his big mouth and try and turn the guys against me or something. Well today I received hella photos from Brad, there from the group chat he and the others are in with Connor, and he is just a real piece of shit. To all the women that expressed that he was a sexist MF ya'll were so right, and on top off him being a piece of shit person, he's fatphobic. I didn't add this detail about my girl because I didn't think it was necessary but she's plus size, I know to some guys thats a deal breaker to me I could care less. And if I am sincerely honest I think I learned the true meaning of jealousy ever since she chose to be my girl. In the beginning I needed so much reassurance from her that its a little embarrassing because I dated all types of body types but she definitely has been the one that I would stake my claim with over the top PDA because some fools really made me see red. Anyway Connor said hella disrespectful ass shit that I am ready to bury our friendship because just seeing his true colors, makes me so upset and sad. Connor also shared photos of her on this damn group chat as to justify his name calling of her, part of me wants to beat his ass for that the other I guess is ready to be sad and move on. Theres the update ya'll, sorry to disappoint the few that thought he was in love with me, that would've been a whole other thing of it own lol.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I(30M) strongly believe my best friend(30M) is in love with my gf(29F)

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toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yiokvk/i30m_strongly_believe_my_best_friend30m_is_in/

yipqqi

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/freddiethroaway in r/amitheasshole** *This was previously posted here a year ago.* trigger warning: >!mentions of sexual harassment!< mood spoiler: >!all ends well!< ---   [**AITA for refusing to speak to my coworker?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n4l8ou/aita_for_refusing_to_speak_to_my_coworker/) - 4 May 2021 I know how it sounds and looks, please save all judgements until after reading everything. I (27m) work with my partner of six years, Jamila (24f). We've worked together for as long as we've been together, and most of our coworkers are aware of our relationship. We are married as of 2020. We recently took on a new intern Olivia, who's in my department. I do most of her training and have been her "mentor" through most of her time here. Due to this, she spends a lot of her breaks with me and my group and leaves around the same time I do. Jamila comes to visit me during lunch and there is light PDA. She'll put her hand on my chest, take a bite of my lunch, squeeze my muscles, the usual flirty stuff. It's not an issue usually so I didn't think it would be one now. My wife came home crying last Friday as she'd been reported to HR for harassment. There wasn't any real repercussions since as soon as they opened her file they saw that we were married (HR documents these things). I didn't know of anyone who could've reported her until this Monday, Olivia asked me if Jamila was still groping me. I asked her what she meant and she told me she put in a report with HR because she saw Jamila grab my ass in the parking garage. To be fair, Jamila *did* grab my ass, however the advance wasn't unwanted. I explained to Olivia that Jamila and I were married however she was firm in her belief that Jamila shouldn't touch me at all at work and that it sends a weird message to others at work. Since then I've avoided speaking to Olivia if things aren't work related and it's been affecting her emotionally. I still greet her and say my goodbyes when it's time to leave, but she's asked to get coffee together and I told her I'd be spending my breaks with Jamila or another coworker and I don't invite her if I'm going somewhere for lunch. She's been very sad and inattentive at work and my coworkers are telling me to stop treating her this way because she was just looking out for my best interest Am I the asshole for refusing to speak to her if it's not work related? Verdict: NTA INFO: the PDA I mentioned is light touches, and it's usually during breaks. We'll share lunch, drink off of each other's cups, I'll occasionally hug her and she'll grab my arm or lean her head on me. We aren't making out and grabbing each other at work outside of that one instance. As far as introductions go, I told Olivia that Jamila was my "partner" as that is usually how the company asks spouses to refer to one another. **Also I'm not ignoring her, however if it's not work related ex: "Where is this?" "How is this done?" "Can you send out this email?" then I don't entertain it. She's not being hindered to do her job. *** Jamila's case with HR was closed fully this past week. I've spoken to a supervisor and asked that Olivia no longer be my trainee and that she be placed with a female manager, as to avoid any further discomfort. Olivia was in attendance for this call and pointed out that she was no longer invited to lunch/breaks and that she felt I was retaliating against her. Our supervisor did inform her that workplace retaliation doesn't apply as breaks and lunches are not included in business operations and that these times are allowed to be as exclusive as employees see fit. She asked to not be moved from my team and in the end the decision was left up to me, however I couldn't see things getting better so I asked to move forward with having her be placed elsewhere. I did take into consideration my fellow coworkers and apologized if I've made them uncomfortable, the overall consensus was that they never cared either way and were just upset that Olivia was upset as it was causing some discomfort for others. Although Jamila and I have started leaving the office for breaks and have limited the touching.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for refusing to speak to my coworker?

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toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yipqqi/aita_for_refusing_to_speak_to_my_coworker/

yixbci

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I hooked up with a girl who put me in an unusual situation

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[deleted]

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yj1444

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OP Bails On Planning Her Brothers Wedding After He Uninvited Their Other Brother Bc He's Gay (AITA Oct 30, '22)

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KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yj1444/op_bails_on_planning_her_brothers_wedding_after/

yj25hl

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I think I got a crush that isn't a dude for the first time

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[deleted]

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yj2mvy

Originally posted by u/Livid-Cheesecake-995 in r/AmItheAsshole on Oct 6, '22, updated Oct 16, '22. [Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xx9ybl/aita_for_kicking_my_moms_boyfriend_and_his_kids/) AITA for kicking my mom's boyfriend and his kids from the house I inherited after my mom's death. They went to homeless shelter. I really don't know if I'm AH in this case. I appologize for my bad english. My(19M) parents divorced when I was 6. My mom got a boyfriend(Josh) and they started living together when I was 9. He had twin daughters, who were 4 when they moved in. Their mother was not in their lives anymore. My mom took them in as their own. I admit that I was a little jealous because they had her full time and me only 50% of time. I think my mom loved them more too. I was a quiet kid and spent most of my time in my room when my mom had me. I didn't want any siblings. My mom tried but to no avail. By the time I was 16, I rarely spent time at my mom's place. And when I went to college I got an apartment, even though my mom lived in the same city as my college. Mom tragically passed in December. Because Josh and her never got married for some reason, I inherited everything, including her house. I allowed Josh and the kids to still live there. I payed half the bills as he is strugling because of low paying job. My lease ends in December and I decided to move into my house after. I sat down with Josh and told him I was moving in January. Since this is my house I will take the bedroom and he will move to my old room. He started crying how bedroom is his safe space and all my mom's things are there which gives him peace. I told him he can move few of her things to my old room (my room is 1/3 of the bedroom). He started crying even more that he doesn't want to abandon their bedroom. I was pretty pissed at that moment, so I told him to just get out of the house then as I don't have energy to deal with this shit. I have since cooled down. But 3 days later he sent me a message to notify me where he left the keys and that they moved out. I found out they went to homeless shelter. I got messages from my mom's side of family how I am heartless and cruel to kick them out. How the twins lost mom and home in less than a year. Twins texted me how they cant believe their own brother made them homeless and asked me what the did wrong. My dad and his family told me I did nothing wrong. I do feel bad for them, but I still think I decide who gets what room in my house. AITA? Edit: I will call Josh today and ask him to meet. I will try to sort things through and I hope we will come to an agreement. Thank you everyone for opinions and suggestions. *Adding in some extra info that I missed initially (thank you to those who pointed it out!):* [info from a comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xx9ybl/comment/irdn4os/) I let them live in the house and payed half of the bills(ok, not me, my dad) as a way to share with them. I will probably give them whats left of my mom's savings, after lawsuit is completed. I left that money alone because my mom was responsible for accident and left one person disabled (He is suing me right now). I think I am generous. [And here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xx9ybl/aita_for_kicking_my_moms_boyfriend_and_his_kids/irdfr0x?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) Actually, to be fair, I suggested that. They didn't get any inheritance, and Josh is strugling with money, that was least I could do. They lives rent free and half of utilities payed. Now, a lot of people may wonder where I get the money from; my dad is actually paying for my apartment and house utilities. Mom did have savings, but civil lawsuit is pending. She caused an accident and innocent person ended up disabled. Their family thinks insurance didnt pay enough so they filled lawsuit against me. They will likely win. This is why I dont touch moms savings. [Update 10 days later](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y5pqz5/update_aita_for_kicking_my_moms_boyfriend_and_his/) I want to say thank you for all the advices and support you gave me. I even appreciate the ones that didnt agree with me as I gave me another points of view I didnt think of. A lot has happened since my first post. We had first mediation meeting about lawsuit and we reached an agreement. I will have to pay 1/4 of the savings my mom left me, which a lot less than I thought. I met with Josh a day after my post. It went...unexpected. i appologized for my hot headed response. I told him I didnt really mean it and invited him back home. He told me no. He admitted that it was actually very hard for him to live there. He saw my mom everywhere he looked and it was very hard for him. He took my "kicking them out" as opportunity to leave the house without his daughters resenting him. He basically made me a bad man. He appologized for that. He didnt know his daughters called my grandparents and me. When he found out, he confessed to his daughters and to my grandparents what he told me. I dont care either way about my grandparents as we have no relationship. How he found out? My dad talked to him before me. My dad wanted to help him so he called him. He even got Josh 10 free seasions with his good friend, who is grief therapist. And its my dad that convinced him to talk to me. My dad is my hero and in this case the real master of puppets lol. Josh will move in temporarily to my grandparents. I talked to my dad about the money. I decided to give Josh the rest of my mom's savings. He can buy a nice apartment and still has some left over. Josh was very happy and thanked me over and over again. I did it for the piece of my mind. We probably wont have much of a relationship moving forward. For me, this is chapter of my life that is closed. I will probably sell the house after my graduation from college. It has no sentimental meaning to me. Thats it. I hope there will be no need for anymore updates.

OP's Mom Dies, He Inherits The House & Asks His Step Family To Leave (AITA Oct 16 '22)

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KittenDealinMama

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yj9tyz

**I am not OP.** Posted by u/No_University_4105 on r/AmItheAsshole TW: >!Emotional abuse, manipulation!< Mood Spoiler: >!Bittersweet ending!<   [**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p5k9je/aita_for_abandoning_my_parents_and_risking_them/) _- August 17, 2021_ When I was in college I fell in with the wrong people. Became a bit of an alcoholic and got pregnant. I had to drop out of college. My daughter's father was also a college student. I ended up going back to school and finishing up my degree. The issue was that her father he got a very lucrative career path in his home state when she was 2. He didn't want to move if it meant he would lose custody and my parents were only willing to fund my education in this particular college. we decided that all things considered, the best thing for our child was that she be with her dad and his very supportive family. I regret that decision every day but it was the best thing for my child. I have completed college and have been working for a year and half. I have been paying for everything. My parents are eye balls deep in consumer debt and all of their income goes to servicing it and adding to it while I pay for everything else. It is frustrating as I don't make enough to keep them happy. I wanted to move out but I was not able to land anything worthwhile. I have been able to get a pretty decent remote role. My brother ended up moving to my ex's state. He asked me if I wanted to move in with them. I jumped on the opportunity. I lied to my parents that I was just visiting him and flew out. I have been staying with him ever since. My parents are incredibly angry. They have accused me of abandoning them. They think they will lose the house. They want me to still help them and move back. I feel like an asshole because they have helped me. They took me in when I was someone on the edge of alcoholism and now I am sober and productive member of society. It could have been so much worse without their help and I was pretty underhanded about it too.   [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qe408a/update_aita_for_abandoning_my_parents_and_risking/) _- October 23, 2021_ It has been two months since I posted and a lot has happened. The commenters helped me a lot. I was dealing with a lot of guilt about leaving my parents and people helped me feel less like a horrible daughter. I have moved out and got a place of my own. It is only half an hours drive from my ex's home. I get to see my daughter every week. I go over to his place every other day. I missed her so much. Just being able to play with her tells me that I made the right decision. My parents have tried to contact me and guilt me. I did send them rent for a month but I cut them off. The only reason I have savings is because I hid money from them. I couldn't say no to them. It was horrible. They are planning on selling the house and buying a smaller one. They will have no savings left for retirement. My sister who I have really strained relationship with called me and tried to tell me that I should at least help them out after they paid for my college. She had a specific figure which was way more than they spend. I told her they didn't pay that much for my education. She didn't believe me but I send her the receipts. So, they had asked her for money and she had given them the money. They had told her that they needed money because they were paying for my tuition. They just inflated how much they were paying on my behalf. It is a lot. I know she hates me, we were played off against each other growing up. I can't describe how emotional it made me to realize she still cared enough about me to help my parents. I know for a fact the she wouldn't have given them any money if they weren't helping me. It is a lot to work through. Things are pretty messed up right now but I have a place of my own, I can see my daughter, I have a great job and I am sober.

AITA for abandoning my parents and risking them losing the house?

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rainingsakuras

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yj9tyz/aita_for_abandoning_my_parents_and_risking_them/

yjafoj

[original and update is at the end as an edit](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yb2syo/aita_for_telling_my_the_person_im_dating_i_dont/) I AM NOT OOP , original posted 10d ago (22nd oct 2022) ​ I (28m) recently got into a car accident. I’m fine, I wasn’t at fault, but my car was a total loss. I’m happy about it though, normally I get a new car every year or so, but because of the loan I had to take on this one I kept it for longer and was genuinely bored of it. My insurance paid me out for the wreck, and with savings and the insurance money I dropped cash on a used Scion FR-S. For those unaware it’s a little two door, stick shift “sports car.” The problem starts with the girl I’m seeing, “Jen” (24f) and her son “Zeke” (3). I was showing Jen the car, how much I liked it and that it was a goal for a long time to buy a car of this caliber in cash. She got in, saw the back seat, and said “wow, you really can’t fit anyone back there, even a kid.” I said “yea but it’s really just me driving it so I don’t need a big car, and I don’t have kids so I really didn’t need to be sensible.” She immediately got out of the car and asked if Zeke meant anything to me. I said Zeke was awesome, he’s a great kid but he’s not mine. She asked if I was even ready for the responsibility of a kid and I said Zeke is the only one I’ve spent this much time with, but I’ve only been dating her 4 months and have known him 2, so I really hadn’t thought of him as more than her kid. She said I was seriously immature, and acting like a teenager with my stupid car and grow up. I haven’t talked to her at all since the conversation, which was yesterday, but she’s texted me a few times letting me know how she feels. Her brother also let me know I needed to “man up” and start taking things seriously The most confusing part is she drives a Honda Pilot. A whole ass SUV. If I need to shuttle Zeke around I can use her car, I’m never alone with him anyway. ETA fake names ​ **VERDICT:NTA** ​ **Update** because I wanna just get it out there lol. The accident happened two weeks ago, I bought the new car Monday, this all happened Thursday night. After she blew up I never replied to her texts that night. I was upset and wasn’t in the head space to calmly talk about what happened. So I smoked some weed, played GTA, and fell asleep. I worked today (Saturday) and wasn’t able to check my phone. I work at a shop building high performance cars on Saturdays, so I need all my focus going to clients that spend $20k+ on these things. I came home and had a small conversation via text with her, where I then made this post. After I told her over text I’m not selling the car, but I’m a few months I’ll finance a truck since I need one to tow the boat, (I promise I’m not rich, just professionally poor, I buy junk and fix it up) and she did not think this was an acceptable response. I left it alone again and went to my parents house to hang out with them and relax. She just called me absolutely HAMMERED drunk, and went on a 20 minute ramble about the choices I make in my life and how she expected me to be a better person. I don’t want to get this post banned from the subreddit so I’ll just say I no longer have to worry about being Zekes stepdad or what Jen thinks about my automotive situation. I really liked her so it’s kind of a bummer, but these comments and her phone call opened my eyes to a big pot of Marinara flags she was Cookin. That’s really the only update I have, I really hoped it’d be more dramatic lol. ​ **Relevant comment from OOP:** * I have no problem with kids or even being “stepdad” if that ever came around. I’m just not actively trying to have kids of my own. I say “child free” because it’s easier than explaining “I’ve been surrounded by babies and young kids my entire life and am perfectly fulfilled not having my own, but if a future paper has them/wants them I have no issue fathering or caring for a child.”

AITA for telling my the person I’m dating I don’t have kids.

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bojapoi

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjafoj/aita_for_telling_my_the_person_im_dating_i_dont/

yjazj3

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Soon everyone will know he’s been messing with his stepmother and stepsister

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjazj3/soon_everyone_will_know_hes_been_messing_with_his/

yjb5h7

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRABFadmission **in** r/relationship_advice   trigger warnings: >!rape, sexual assault, and sexual violence!< mood spoilers: >!Somewhat decent ending, OOP did the right thing for herself!<   [**My \[29f\] boyfriend \[25m\] admitted that he forced himself on a woman several years ago.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ikhr8n/my_29f_boyfriend_25m_admitted_that_he_forced/) \- 1st September 2020 I'm going to preface this post with a disclaimer: it contains rape. If you find it distressing to read about this kind of topic, I urge you to stop reading now. I have been with my boyfriend, Jason, for a year now. Jason is the first boyfriend I've had who puts real effort into truly listening to and understanding me. He can listen quietly as I describe a list of events from start to finish, while he only backchannels and then in the end expresses nothing but sympathy or helpful commentary. When I am facing a tough decision, he asks helpful questions which help guide me in the right direction. When I'm in trouble, without a second of thought he is the first person I call. He is a dream come true. My parents love him. My sisters love him. My friends love him. The only person who ever disliked him was a male friend of mine (completely platonic) who said he gave him the creeps. I have since fallen out with this male friend for tangentially related reasons. Also he was kind of a gigantic dickhead so I don't think he had any sixth sense. He just never had a nice thing to say about anyone but himself. Anyway. Two nights ago, Jason and I were discussing our first real crushes. It was an innocent enough topic as, being completely devoted to each other, we have grown well past any jealousy issues in our relationship. I went first, talking about a boy I knew in college who ultimately broke my heart. When it was Jason's turn, I realized it wasn't a silly rom-com like mine. It was a fucking horror story. He called it "a dumb misunderstanding." He described stealing a pair of her underwear. He called it "a drunken mistake." He described pushing up against her and touching her butt without her consent at a party. He called it "one stupid night." She was completely drunk in her bed. He climbed in. He took off her clothes. She was half asleep. He inserted himself inside of her. The way he tells it, it wasn't even sex. It was one person acting on a victim. His retelling of the events ends with her crying and kicking him out, never to talk again. I know he truly regrets it because by the end of his story he was full-on sobbing. He didn't deny a thing and said that yes, he had raped her, which led to him wanting to improve himself and learn how to respect women. He saw my reaction and asked if I thought he was a monster. I told him I needed space and left. I didn't even pack anything; my sister picked me up and drove me to Rite Aid where I bought toiletries. My life has been torn apart because no matter how much I think it over, I have no desire to talk to him. Hearing his voice would probably give me a panic attack. In a true Jason fashion, he has given me all the space I need, not contacting me once. I've never been in a situation like this. The person I would normally turn to when my life was on the ropes just admitted he did something which, if convicted, would get him put in prison for several years. I can't talk to my sisters or family because if I do that they'll probably never let me within a mile of him again. Sorry, I think I'm just rambling now. I'm desperate for any ideas on how to proceed or even if my relationship can proceed at this point. TL;DR: my boyfriend, a guy so great I thought we were bound for marriage, just admitted that he raped a woman several years ago. We are separated right now and I don't know what to do.   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/irae0z/update_my_29f_boyfriend_25m_admitted_that_he/) \- 12th September 2020 Hello again everybody. It has now almost been two weeks since my boyfriend admitted he committed one of the most despicable acts possible against another human being. TW: rape, sexual assault, and sexual violence. If these topics hurt you in any way, please stop reading now. The whole situation still feels surreal. I have gone from being angry at him to being angry at myself. I have written long texts to him and then deleted them completely. I have gone through stages of denial where I thought that Jason, being such a good guy, may not have actually done anything wrong? Maybe a woman gaslighted him into feeling that he had committed a crime when she consented at the time? Then I realized that everyone who commented on my last post hit the nail squarely on the head. He didn't go to the police to turn himself in for what he did. If he truly felt remorse, that is what he would have done. His charm and natural "understanding" of women's problems were complete ruses; many people with sociopathic tendencies are great with people. Most of all, he gets to cry and move on with his life. He gets to love another woman again. His victim? I can't even fathom what she's going through. I finally called him two nights ago. He wanted to talk about how we could mend our relationship, but after two weeks of not hearing his voice and being scared of how I may run back to him, it hit me like a truck: I don't love him anymore. I told him that I wanted him to vacate his apartment for three hours while I gathered my belongings. He said he would do so. I ended the call by telling him that if he felt any remorse, he would go to the police and accept all charges for what he did, not contest them in court, and take his punishment. He started talking about how that wouldn't bring justice to his victim. Then he said that he loved me. Twisted fuck. I showed up the next morning at the decided time with my sister, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm confident he won't contact me again. Thank you all so much for helping me through this. I'm going to find a therapist as soon as possible. TL;DR: my rapist boyfriend won't turn himself in, and I broke up with him. I safely gathered my belongings and now I'm living with my sister. Edit: I apologize for editing the post, but after receiving a couple of private messages asking me to drop his personal information, I must make one thing clear: I will not, under any circumstances, post any identifying information about him. It is not only against sitewide rules, but if I were reckless enough to do that, he could sue me. Again, I repeat: nobody is getting his information. He is a monster. He probably deserves worse. But it will not be coming from me.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP - My [29f] boyfriend [25m] admitted that he forced himself on a woman several years ago.

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raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjb5h7/oop_my_29f_boyfriend_25m_admitted_that_he_forced/

yjbjxe

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8 Easy steps to eliminate your debt in record time

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Bubbly-Strike9595

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjbjxe/8_easy_steps_to_eliminate_your_debt_in_record_time/

yjblhk

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Soon everyone will know he’s been messing with his stepmother and stepsister

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjblhk/soon_everyone_will_know_hes_been_messing_with_his/

yjdlti

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AITA for still going to my sister's wedding after my husband canceled my plane ticket?

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjdlti/aita_for_still_going_to_my_sisters_wedding_after/

yjdqyf

My (16m) baby sister (14f) lost her virginity to a jerk and I'm sick (re-upload from r/relationshipadvice because it got taken down)

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THEBEASTcraftRS

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjdqyf/my_16m_baby_sister_14f_lost_her_virginity_to_a/

yjdzc7

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OOP and their daughter can see their landlord having sex in a communal greenhouse

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjdzc7/oop_and_their_daughter_can_see_their_landlord/

yjekx5

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OOP slept with her bf’s mom before they met

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjekx5/oop_slept_with_her_bfs_mom_before_they_met/

yjetii

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OOP (25M) Found out he's been dating his father (47M) for almost four months

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Doomofaplanet

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjetii/oop_25m_found_out_hes_been_dating_his_father_47m/

yjewpg

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Employee is trying to force OP to accept a loan they never asked for, and it gets weirder from there

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Cleverusername531

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjewpg/employee_is_trying_to_force_op_to_accept_a_loan/