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in 1987 the stock market crashed , and oliver stone's wall street was released to critical acclaim and packed movie houses . wall street lucked out in its timing ; the recent crash gave the film a resonation it might not of had , and though its kill-or-be-killed approach to business was exaggerated , that very ideology was keyed into the mind set of the quintessential reagan-era businessman . stone constructed his film as a mythical good vs . evil tale relayed in the fast-paced milieu of the burgeoning stock exchange . critics and audiences lauded wall street , elevating its status to that of a contemporary classic . i'm proud to say that i will never be counted as one of them . i found wall street to be just as axiomatic and pandering as the majority of stone's output with its thin caricatures , obvious sentiments , and a charisma barren performance by the young charlie sheen . stone goes for broke in every scene ( the same could be said for nearly all of his works ) . this approach tends to bury his purported message beneath a heap of good intentions . he directs stock exchange scenes in typical hyperbolic mode with people shouting into phones as if they were in a plummeting airplane . it's all an excuse for stone to ratchet up the emotion with false intensity , rather than explore what these situations are really like . i have a feeling the brokers would be psychologically manipulative ( as they are presented in boiler room ) rather than laughably over the top . these guys are salesmen after all , not televised judges . more than anything i am baffled by why so many adore wall street . the only possible solution i can muster is its release date . and not just the timeliness of the " greed is good " subject matter : the film was plumped down in the eighties , a decade in which the one-joke comedy rose to an art form , and a group of glamorous brat packers smirked their way through inane high concept , low result movies . in my mind , the eighties will forever be remembered as a decade with not only a proliferation of bad movies , but bad music , bad hair , and bad clothes . maybe stone's after school special set in wall street was viewed as a welcome change of pace . boiler room is an equally well-timed film with some similarities to stone's piece of crap . they both feature a consequential father-son relationship , though boiler room's is much more subtle and touching . and they are both concerned with the power of greed , yet the men in boiler room are akin to poseurs presuming to be big shots rather than the slippery-smooth , heartless gordon gecko figures of wall street . boiler room is a message movie as well , though ( at least until the end ) doesn't shove it in our faces . boiler room is about the pursuit of cash and the degrees to which people will go for that cash . as i said , this film is indeed timely in a society where who wants to be a millionaire is the number one prime time show every day ( bringing about a revolution of prime time tv watching that hasn't been seen in quite a while ) ; not only do we want to be millionaires , we want to watch other people become millionaires ! in our super-judgmental , power-oriented culture the desire for money supersedes everything ; when you have money , you have it " all " . and seth ( giovanni ribisi ) wants it " all " the easy way . he's a well-intentioned college drop out who gets lured into working for an illegally run brokerage firm ( the kind that sells junk stock ) whereupon he meets others just like him . ben affleck is cast as jim , the company headhunter , who struts in commanding the room like a frat boy gordon gecko . his job is to influence trainee's into becoming enthusiastic employees by giving a speech that subtly attacks their man hood . it's ironic that he sells these pups the same load of b . s that they're told to dish out to prospective buyers . affleck's character is obviously supposed to recall alec baldwin's similar character in glengary glen ross , and that proves detrimental to the actor's performance . affleck shouts , curses and be-littles his rookie employees just like baldwin , minus the edge . when alec played the scene he became the part , spewing those brutal lines as if they were his own . by comparison affleck simply looks as if he were doing a really hammy line reading . the brokers approach their job with the fervor of overzealous jocks : they storm to work like football players on the way to the big game . rap music thumps on the soundtrack effectively illustrating who these guys think they are : intellectual gangsters . they aren't above a rumble as a test of man hood especially during leisure time where the lumbering scott caan seems all too eager to use his fists in minor disputes . we drink up this world along with seth , and watch him become seduced by it , just like we might be . as in all cautionary tales , boiler room begins with seducing us into its illustrious world of profit and wrongdoing , then smacks us with the consequences of all the recklessness . i know this story . we all do . but it can work if it's told with intelligence and energy , and that is how writer \ director ben younger tells it . as a director of ( please excuse my french ) mise-en-scene younger has much to learn . his style is sitcom bland . but his writing isn't . younger's script is well studied in the vernacular of this bunch ; his dialogue is like a junior david mamet . despite the moderate camera work younger fills his phone-pitch scenes with tension that comes from just the performances and the tightly wound script . the brokers \ hucksters counter every customer objection , gently bullying them into buying stock . these moments are filmed like psychological action scenes : a tense confrontation between a victimizer and a victim who isn't aware that he is one . with the exception of affleck's brief appearances , the performances are truly exceptional . ribisi , who has the edgy looks of a character actor , is extremely potent here , working his pale angular face , and eerie , plaintive stare for all their worth . he conveys child-like vulnerability ( his character seems to hide in a corner whenever things aren't going his way ) in some scenes , and in others he's ferociously cut throat . the jekyll and hyde contradiction works well in the movie : ribisi is confident when it's just him and the phone , but cowardly in front of authority figures including his abrasive father ( authoritatively played by ron rifkin ) . boiler room thankfully avoids wall street-like histrionics in the sales-pitch sequences ; the sales build slowly like a crescendo of intelligent psychological ploys . those ploys are taught to seth by chris ( vin diesel ) , a kind broker who alternates between seth's friend and his mentor . diesl shines in his minor role . this week i saw the sci-fi opus pitch black in which diesel plays a completely different role in an equally effective manner . in that film he has the kind of role that might have gone to arnold schwarzenegger in the 80's , and in boiler room he has the kind of role that might have gone to elliot gould in the 70's . nicky katt is also memorable as a superior broker obsessed with what he can't have . nia long , as the firm's secretary , ( a lone black women amongst many white men ) is ribisi's love interest in a part that at first looks to be as insignificant as most of the parts this talented actress gets , but develops into something more interesting . the two make an oddly likeable couple . long is smart and brash , and ribisi is charmingly aloof . at one point he says to her " i'm just lookin' for some chocolate love " . it's a terrible line but ribisi delivers it in such an innocuous child-like way , it becomes sweetly endearing . unfortunately , towards the end , the boiler room turns a tad schmaltzy . there is much crying , hugging , and sorrowful stares . this is okay when taken in small doses , but younger's conclusion is constructed as a series of these boo-hoo moments , one following the other . a particular misstep is his attempt to show the effect that seth's manipulations have on one of his poor victims . it's not a bad idea but the execution is lacking , with those scenes feeling tacked on to further spell out the message . that message being , " greed is bad " . yes it's patently obvious , but boiler room conveys it by introducing us to a culture that i haven't seen much of in the movies : the disenfranchised twenty something entrepreneur . and all wall street did was introduce us to a simplistic fantasy world of saints and sinners . boiler room offers neither extreme . it gives us what is in between , and for that i am thankful .

overblown remake of the 1963 robert wise film of the same name ( based on shirley jackson's novel " the haunting of hill house " ) stars lili taylor as one of three " lab rats " that participate in a supposed " insomnia " study being initiated by liam neeson . he is actually conducting a study on the causes of fear and why the human mind is still affected by it . he drags the test subjects out to a foreboding mansion where all types of " creepy " cgi effects scare the cast and try the audience's patience . i know this question has been posed before , but why do people keep remaking good movies ? the original was a great psychological horror film . this new version is dull and very decidedly not scary . in fact , i feel it is downright impossible to make a modern day pg-13 horror movie that is scary . unless you find obvious computer generated special effects frightening , then there's nothing in this film that will raise hackles . i nearly fell asleep twice during the film , and probably would have if they guy two rows behind me didn't seem to have such a personal relationship with the characters that he felt he needed to discuss every decision they made with them as the film progressed . it's sad to see such an amazing cast wasted so badly . owen wilson spends most of the film wandering the halls of the house , and the script does no justice to his wonderful comic ability . catherine zeta-jones ( always nice to look at ) is given the woefully underwritten role of a bi-sexual insomniac that gets to run out of her bedroom perplexed every time some strange noise occurs . liam neeson pops in from time to time to talk into his tape recorder and attempt to convince the others that he has as much knowledge about what's going on as the rest of them do . finally , poor lili taylor , the center of the film , gets the brunt of the cgi effects thrown at her while everyone else gets to scream and try to rescue her . apparently , a subplot involving a tryst between zeta-jones and taylor's characters was filmed but removed . that's too bad , because it might have lent some better characterization to the narrative . this is jan de bont's second straight misfire ( speed 2 : cruise control being the first ) . when is he going to learn that bigger is not always necessarily better ? robert wise knew that when he made the original and the makes of the blair witch project also knew that . one should not approach a haunted house movie with a twister mindset . if de bont and screenwriter david self had let our minds fill in the blanks as to what was happening instead of showing us everything , it would have served to make the film terrifying . what our mind fashions on it's own can be a thousand times more frightening than having having it completely led towards everything . apparently , yet another version of this story is being filmed under it's original title . i certainly hope that this newer rendition will not be hurt by the insanity of jan de bont's version and that it will retain the psychological impact that the original release had . [pg-13]

in " the astronaut's wife , " charlize theron plays a young woman with a nervous demeanor , pixie-hairdo and demon spawn unwittingly growing in her belly . if only her name wasn't jillian , the makers of this embarrassing bit of sci-fi shlock could have come up with a far more appropriate title : " rosemary's species . " what a shame it is to see such a gifted actress as theron - oscar-worthy in " the devil's advocate " - struggle with the lamest rip-off of a screendom classic in recent memory . ok , maybe " the astronaut's wife " deviates from " rosemary's baby " turf for its set-up , which finds our heroine terrorized not by satan's minions but her possessed husband ( johnny depp ) , a shuttle pilot whose mission mishap leaves him , um , a changed man . predictably , he and the missus get it on in a sequence best described as unpleasant , his evil seed impregnating her with twins and realizing that great " bowfinger " line about " alien love . " theron's " advocate " character faced a similar dilemma , the horror there resonating strongly . " astronaut " provides only artificial anxiety . last year's equally noodle-headed " species ii " spun a similar premise about the breeding habits of an extraterrestrial on earth , but at least that movie more or less knew it was garbage . " the astronaut's wife " is grave and humor-free , passing its increasingly silly story off as full-fledged serious , right down to an ambiguous finale that isn't even going to satisfy those who've stayed with it thus far . here's a hint : it involves lots of water , electrical equipment , a special effect from " the abyss " and the tots who doubled up as adam sandler's co-star in " big daddy . " draw your own conclusions . director/writer rand ravich coats the proceedings in dynamic sights masterminded by legendary " e . t . " cinematographer allen daviau , but too often favors the film's visual presentation over the story he's trying to tell . this bodes horribly for each dramatic development , like the surfacing of a suspicious nasa official ( " speed " 's joe morton ) to instigate jill's slow and stupid comprehension of the truth . his hyper-erratic behavior is probably supposed to give wife a paranoid edge . instead , he adds to the phoniness . theron and depp are certainly beyond this junk and will get other chances to prove themselves this fall - she as part of an imposing ensemble case in the john irving adaptation " cider house rules , " he in the lead of tim burton's eagerly-awaited " sleepy hollow . " undeserving of such talent , " the astronaut's wife " manages to be derivative , dull and uninvolving despite its seemingly ripe potential for unintentional laughs . in space , no one can hear you scream . but in a movie theatre , everyone can hear you snore .

the first image in " final fantasy : the spirits within " is a computer-animated close-up of a human eye . it's a beautiful piece of work , remarkably detailed and quite convincing . when the picture pulls back to reveal the owner of the eye , however , things change . the young woman has mesmerizing hair , although it hangs too artfully ? even by movie standards ? to be believed . the facial features are more detailed than any computer-animation seen to date , but the result is more reminiscent of a very well-crafted doll than anything human . she is pretty , but bland , and not nearly expressive enough to come off like a person . all the characters in " final fantasy " are like that . of the core group , the younger white men and women are all athletic , attractive and indistinct , like applicants for a tv reality show . the black man is taller and burlier , and the aging scholar is bald , with wrinkles and a beard . none of them appear to be based on individuals ; they all look like the products of general descriptions given a police sketch artist . it gets worse when they talk and move . why is the sarcastic voice of steve buscemi , he of the great twisted face and snaggleteeth , coming out of the mouth of some dreary ken doll ? why , for every fluid physical gesture , do we also see herky-jerky puppet-style motions ? more to the point , who decided a full-length computer animated movie featuring " hyperreal " ( their term , not mine ) humanoids was a good idea ? " final fantasy " is based on a phenomenally popular video game i've never played , with a story straight out of japanese anime , which more often than not leaves me bored and depressed . if you're a fan of either , please spare me your letters , as i will focus solely on the finished film and not its source materials . with an expression-challenged cast , " final fantasy " mixes turgid action scenes with heaps of mystical shit . the result is ugly , confusing and boring . note : the following reveals the basic plot . if you want to have a fighting chance of making any sense of the movie , i suggest you read it . earth is at war with aliens that appear to feed on human souls . most of our planet is devastated , with humans living in a few protected cities . while the bulk of the survivors focus on military strategies , aki ross ( voiced by ming-na ) and her mentor , dr . sid ( donald sutherland ) , believe in a more organic approach . they operate on the notion ( quoting straight from the press kit ) " that all life forms have signature spirit waves that can be identified and contained . aki and dr . sid collect a series of organic specimens whose spirit signatures combined will form a wave of equal and opposite intensity to the spirit wave of the alien force . the waves will , in effect , cancel each other out and disarm the foreign contagion . they have collected six of the eight key spirits needed to complete their wave . they are on a desperate hunt to find the remaining two spirits before their time runs out . " are you still with me ? there's only a little more . aki is infected with the alien force . dr . sid has developed a method of confining the contagion and keeping it from killing her , but the defense wall won't hold much longer . already , the alien is communicating with aki through her dreams . aiding aki and dr . sid are the deep eyes , a group of hard-as-nails types that would have felt at home with the troops in " aliens . " capt . gray edwards ( alec baldwin ) heads the task force that consists of a wise guy ( buscemi ) , a tough woman ( peri gilpin ) and a gentle giant ( ving rhames ) . throwing a monkey wrench into the plans is the requisite dumb ass : in this case general hein ( james woods ) , who wants to use the zeus cannon to bomb the aliens back to the stone age , even if it destroys earth as well . so there you have it . like most of the anime i've seen , the plot combines apocalyptic settings , lots of shooting and fuzzy spirituality , all wrapped up in a save-the-earth bow . but i'm bored with apocalyptic settings . i understand why so many live-action films employ them ? they're cheap ? but animated films can show anything , so why wallow in an industrial trash heap ? the action scenes and shoot-em-ups don't satisfy either . the humans move oddly and their facial features are so muted that the talented voice cast can't bring them to life ( in fact , their efforts merely emphasize what we're missing ) . aki is especially disappointing ; with her lack of expression and flat delivery , she looks and sound like a brunet version of weena , the eloi girl from 1960's " the time machine . " drab color choices and aliens that appear to have been created in jell-o molds sap the pizzazz from the big set pieces . students of computer animation may be fascinated with the technology behind " final fantasy : the spirits within , " but i found it sub-par across the board . " futurama " does more effective battle visuals , the kids in " south park " are far more expressive than these mannequins and any old episode of the contemporary version of " the outer limits " does better doom and gloom sci-fi . so who needs this ? not me .

i hate to burst your bubble , but after all the star power , mega bucks , screenwriters , directors , and cool trailers , men in black is not the best movie of the summer . it's pretty good in it's own right , yes , but i would probably split the " best movie " honors among face/off , spawn , con air , and maybe event horizon . it's main problem is that it's quickly forgettable , and i can't remember one truly good scene from it . from con air , it was the scene out in the desert when they were digging the plane out from the dirt . in spawn , it was the " living room hell " conclusion at the end . in event horizon , it was the video of the event horizon crew being taken over by hell's forces . and all of face/off was pretty dang good . but as for men in black , the only scene i still recall is when will smith is squishing all those giant roaches . i remember it not for it's humor but because i am hate roaches with a passion and was pretty disgusted . and yes , i did see mimic , which is something i'll touch on in a later review . back to men in black ( is it just me , or does that sound funny ? ) i remember first hearing about men in black back when i was a comic geek in the 7th grade and read magazines like wizard , etc . ( for those of you who aren't comic-geeks , wizard is basically to comics what car and driver is to cars , what the new yorker is to high society , what boy's life is to boy scots . okay , that one was pretty pathetic . ) few people know this , but men in black is based on a very obscure comic book that was , while not honest-politician-rare , very hard to find . this was after the release of the high-grossing batman forever , and it said that tommy lee jones and chris o'donnell were being considered for the roles ( in the comic book , there were no black men in black . kind of weird , huh ? ) all i can say is , thank god they didn't cast chris o'donnell . i know i can't be the only person on the planet who thinks he's an annoying , preppie little snot . . . sorry . my apologies to o'donnell fans . i actually had a 7th grade teacher who was a big comic collector and was set to buy some of the comics from him , anticipating rather craftily that , if the movie was a big hit , it would drive up the price of the comics rather nicely . he decided not to sell them to me , because they were " innappropriate " . hmm . . . . so now you're probably wondering why i've wasted about 5 paragraphs with lame anecdotes from my junior high years . good question . i'll move on to the movie now . as you probably already know , will smith and tommy lee jones ( agents k and j , respectively ) belong to a top secret agency known as divison 5 , or it's nickname mib ( men in black . ) men in black is a reference to the black suits and sunglasses the agents wear , and they're mission is to investigate reports of alien landings and keep the aliens under control while they're here on earth . not to get too technical or spoil the plot for the 6 people in the world who haven't seen this movie , but a basically-big-roach-type-bug lands in a redneck farmer's yard , inhabits his body , and attempts to destroy the entire universe . not bad , eh ? ( i have no idea why i just typed that . i'm not even really paying attention anymore . ) the special effects are good yet dissapointing in men in black . i found their main headquarters to be boring , as were the " cool weapons " they had . the noisy cricket just plain sucked , no matter what anyone said . and the movie definitely surprised me in tone , although it probably shoudln't have . it's director , barry sonnenfield , is known for " black humor " , directing both addams family movies . this movie was basically a " black comedy " , not an action/sci-fi like i expected from the trailers . don't get me wrong on what i think of this movie . it's not bad , i gave it * * * . it was mostly entertaining throughout it's run , and had a very good ending , although i think i was the only person in the theater not amazed by it . my diagnosis for this picture : a good weekend rental , but not worth a movie ticket . of course , the movie is now long gone from theaters , but that's beside the point . i think .

the small-scale film , in limited release , " waking ned devine " is a pleasant excursion to a time and place which allows the audience to absorb the full texture of a small town . filled with breathtaking scenery , 'characters' , and delightful music , the movie would be interesting even without a plot . the story contains several surprises which are best left unmentioned in a review . the film starts out with a sharp opening , which gives us a taste of what is to follow : country folk with an inclination for a bit of larceny . what gets things going is the fact that a winner of the lottery is apparently one of the residents in the small town ( pop 52 ) of tullymore . who that person is , and how to share in the good fortune is the mission of two longtime friends jackie ( ian bannen ) and michael ( david kelly ) . part detectives , part scalawags , they have to stay alert to the changing circumstances they face as the story unfolds . the village consists of several amusing characters . a clueless pig farmer , temporary priest , and a witch . there's also the lotto man who must be satisfied that everything is on the up-and-up . there are no hollywood touches to this film - except for the outer space introduction [ ! ] . pacing is right . towards the end , it runs a bit out of steam , but that's okay because for most of the 90 minutes we've been interested in the goings on . a mixture of laughs and ( occasional ) sentiment - all the right emotions are engaged . in one brief dream sequence - you'll know it when you see it - a fantastic combination of color and music transports the characters to a place you really hope exists . one of the key moments in the film . the music , available on cd ( london 289 460 939-2 ) follows the same arc as the movie and is well worth considering . a fine film that's for everybody except action fans . somewhat like 'the englishman who went up a hill and came down a mountain , ' . . . but livelier .

usually when a blockbuster comes out , it's loaded with effects , stars , bad scripts , and plenty of action . mystery men may contain an all-star cast , and efects , but the clever script and characters are what really works , which is rare to see this year . the film is based upon the comic book series " the flaming carrot " by bob burden , in which 3 wanna be super heroes try and fight crime , only to be out done by the real hero of champion city , captain amazing ( greg kinnear ) . things go a little haywire , when the sinister casanova frankenstein ( geoffrey rush ) is released into the city , where he captures captain amazing , and plans to wreak havoc upon champion city . well , the trio decide to take matters in their own hands , by saving the city , but first they need some assitance . this is where the film takes a turn for the better . in the beggining , there were only 3 wanna be heroes . " blue raja ( hank azaria ) , " mr . furious ( ben stiller ) and " the shoveller ( william h . macy ) . sure they were enterataining , but their acts grew old fast . that is until they aquire " invisible boy " ( kel mitchell ) , and " the bowler " ( janeane garafalo ) and " mr . splein " ( paul reubens ) , 2 of which rescue the film from becoming a disastorous mess . thankfully , the original 3 heroes become amusing , with some support of reuben and garfalo on screen . the whole premise is rather ridiculous , but packs a few punches to keep interest . for one , the film is considerably clever . it literally pokes fun at super hero films , like batman and robin , superman etc . in fact , many scenes are similar to batman and robin , including the opening sequence , only altered in a humorous and superior way . a part of the cleverness comes from the cast . sometimes a film with such talent is overblown , but the acting is what keeps it alive here . while azaria and macy were enteratining , 2 characters really stood out . one was paul reuben . no matter how disgusting or revolting " mr . splein " may be , you still can't help but laugh . it' so incredibly moronic , it's just a riot watching reuben relieve himself of bodily functions . janeane garafalo also was an interesting character . she seemed to be the most outgoing and convincing character on screem , due to her enthusiasm , that kept the film flowing . men is worth seeing alone , for those 2 troubled heroes . on the downside , a few of the heroes and especially the villain never really lift off . kel mitchell and geoffrey rush , were both utterly useless . their parts were so limited , they'd be lucky at all to be on screen for more than 20 minutes . ben stiller too was wasted , mostly because of his unlikeable power and dialogue . none of these characters get a rise out of anybody , but happily they are lost in the charming flow of the film . as far as the budget goes , it was wisely spent on the cast , not the effects . while the set designs and action all look nice , i'm glad there was a seperate aspect , that the film focused on , and for that i applaud . slow at times , and rather pointless , mystery men still delivers . it forgets about money making , because it's not likely to make a bundle like it's proceeders , and that's what works . stupid ? maybe , but for once i'm not disappointed . no one expected an intelligent film , but you get a film thats wit captures your attention and makes you forget this miserable year .

girl 6 is , in a word , a mess . i was never able to determine what spike lee was trying to accomplish with this film . there was no sense of where the film was going , or any kind of coherent narrative . if there was a point to the film , i missed it . girl 6 , by the way , is the way theresa randle's character is addressed in the phone sex workplace ; all the girls are known by their numbers . the plot , such as it is : theresa randle is a struggling n . y . actress , and eventually takes a job as a phone-sex operator . she begins to lose contact with reality , as her job consumes her . also , she must deal with the advances of her ex-husband ( isiah washington ) . he is an ex- con thief , and she tries to keep him away , while at the same time , it's clear that she still harbors feelings for him . her neighbor , jimmy ( spike lee ) functions as the observer ; mediating between the ex- husband and girl 6 . he also functions as a point of stability , as he watches her become seduced by the lurid world of phone sex . the soundtrack , consisting of songs by prince , was jarring . it kept taking my attention from the film - not altogether a bad thing , i'll grant you , as what was transpiring onscreen wasn't that riveting . for parts of the middle of the film , the music stayed blissfully in the background . in the opening sequence and one scene later in the film , however , the music was particularly loud and distracting . of course , i've never really cared for prince's ( or tafkap if you like ) music . prince fans might love the soundtrack , but it will probably be distracting , even to die-hard fans . of the performances , the only one that stood out was spike lee's buddy character , jimmy . he was excellent as the always-broke neighbor of girl 6 . he should have stuck to acting in this film . there are several sequences that gave me the impression that he'd like to be oliver stone when he grows up . there are scenes shot with different types of film , which are purposely grainy , and reminiscent of some of the scenes in oliver stone's natural born killers . in that film , they worked to propel the narrative . in this film , they just made me more confused . there are some amusing moments , and a few insights into the lives of the women who use their voices to make the phone-sex industry the multi-billion dollar industry that it has become . other than that , though , nothing much happens . there are a few intense moments , as when one caller becomes frightening , but even that is rather lackluster . i'm not the biggest fan of spike lee , though i'd agree that he has done some very good work in the past . in girl 6 , though , he seems to be floundering . he had an interesting idea , a fairly good setup , and seemed to wander aimlessly from there . girl 6 earns a grade of d .

here i sit at my computer about to write my review of the recent action comedy " bait " starring jamie foxx and david morse . this is a review i don't even want to write because i'd just be laying the same criticisms on it that i would with any other so-generic-and-predictable-it's-beyond-ridiculous piece of hollywood fluff . if they're not going to give us , the audience , just a little credit and put something together with half a brain , why should i waste my time and mental energy criticising it ? last summer i took this same approach with my review of " the mummy , " in that review i just quoted phrases my reviews of other sub-par movies . i think i shall do the same thing here but with a few less quotes ( not all are applicable ) . i hope this goes to show you what i think of " bait " and why you can find out all you need to know about it without having to take a wild guess . it's genuinely unfunny ( i , and the other audience members only laughed once during the entire two hours ) , unoriginal and unthrilling . it's not so bad to the point where it's fun to watch because of its badness and it's no so bad you absolute loathe it and are pained by watching it , it's just such a cliche in and of itself , that , uhh . . . lost my train of thought . anyways , here's those quotes , enjoy ! " getting an audience's attention right from the beginning plays a major role in how today's films work . we want to have something exciting to watch , not a slow build-up of a story ( god forbid ! ) , and this film plays right into the mainstream's hands . . . " - review of " armageddon . " " it's clear the film doesn't want to waste time on reality and thus the attempt to establish plausability ( the most minimal amount necessary ) comes across as a half-assed effort . supporting characters and shady sup-plots are introduced , but as is the case with films made up of a large cast of characters , only a handful have any real significance . . . there's a fine line separating homage from plagiarism . . . , " - review of " godzilla " ( 1998 ) " unfortunately , as is the case with most modern thrillers , once the film showed potential for authenticity and intelligence , the cliches and action sequences take over , " - review of " the jackal . " chad'z movie page is back after heavy renovation . reviews of nearly all mainstream movies playing today ! get my reviews of everything playing at your local cineplex so you can better make an informed decision on what to see . don't forget to vote on my poll and sign the guestbook !

the dream team is a thoroughly entertaining comedy featuring four loveable characters who just happen to be slightly insane . billy , played by michael keaton , is an extremely temperamental mental ward patient whose short fuse and violent tantrums tend to get him in trouble . christopher lloyd portrays henry , an obsessive-compulsive who requires that everything be neat , orderly , on schedule , and by the books . he thinks he's a doctor so he walks around wearing a suit and carrying a clipboard on which he constantly scribbles notes and files reports . jack , played by peter boyle , thinks he's jesus . and finally , there's stephen furst as albert , a chubby catatonic who speaks only in baseball and television phrases . the dream team follows the misadventures that beset the four-some when their psychiatrist , dr . weitzman , takes them out of the hospital for a field trip to yankee stadium . during a pit stop , they get separated from weitzman and are left to fend for themselves in manhattan . the movie's charm derives mostly from the camaraderie and chemistry between its delightful cast . the four leads in the film play off each other quite effectively ; they never miss an opportunity to argue , bicker , or insult one another . henry and jack , for example , fight over who's going to get to ride in the front passenger seat on the way to the game . the actors in the dream team have a lot of fun with their characters and with each other . michael keaton is well cast as billy ; he gives his cynical character considerable complexity . as the divinely jack , peter boyle succeeds in keeping his one-dimensional character funny and fresh . although stephen furst's catatonic character is cliched , the actor makes him sympathetic and endearing . while keaton , boyle , and furst are good , it's christopher lloyd who really makes the movie special . lloyd gives yet another outstanding comic performance . his body language ( for example , the way he walks ) and his facial expressions are perfectly suited to his compulsive character . lloyd's brilliant performance yields a pathetic , moving , and memorable character . the dream team is a solid comedy with more depth and drama than you might expect from its simple premise . the characters are so appealing that you can excuse the film for its often outlandish and unbelievable plot .

since their film debut in 1984 with the tightly wrought texas thriller " blood simple , " joel and ethan coen have been one of the most eclectic , original , and downright fascinating creative teams in modern hollywood . their films are highly stylized , deeply embedded in a particular time and place , and their characters are more often than not everyday people who get caught up in highly unusual circumstances . in " the big lebowski , " their first cinematic offering since the multiple academy award-winning " fargo , " the action takes place in los angeles during the gulf war , and the hero of the story is jeff lebowski , aka the dude . the dude is played by jeff bridges -- one of hollywood's most underrated actors -- in the best stoned performance since sean penn stumbled through the halls of ridgemont high . the dude is a simple man who has never quite made it out of the sixties . he has shaggy , shoulder-length hair , a grizzled goatee badly in need of a trim , and he wears mostly stained tee-shirts , long shorts , and gellies without socks . he smokes a lot of pot , drinks a lot of white russians , and is more than content to spend the majority of his time bowling with his two buddies , a slightly psychotic vietnam vet named walter sobchak ( john goodman ) and donny ( steve buscemi ) , one of those guys who always wants to be part of the conversation , but never quite makes it in . one day , the dude is confused with another jeff lebowski ( david huddleston ) , this one being a millionaire philanthropist whose trophy wife , bunny ( tara reid ) , owes a lot of people a lot of money . the main plot and all its accompanying side-plots and coenesque diatribes are far too complicated to get into here . suffice to say that the dude becomes deeply involved with the big lebowski when bunny is kidnaped and the dude is asked to be a courier for the ransom money . by the time all is said and done , walter has become deeply involved , as has the big lebowski's daughter , maude ( julianne moore ) , a feminist performance artist , a pornographer named jackie treehorn ( ben gazzara ) , and a group of german nihilists led by peter stormare , who was so great as the silent but deadly kidnaper in " fargo . " " the big lebowski " plays like an amalgam of all the coen brothers' earlier efforts . it shares their previous films' strong sense of time and place , as well as their send-ups of movie genres and political and cultural ideologies . " lebowski " has the same kind of crazed caricatures that made " raising arizona " such a hoot ; it has surrealistic dream sequences ( one of which involves a busby berkley-like dance number ) that characterized the ending of " barton fink " ; and it has the same kind of cartoonish look and feel that pervaded " the hudsucker proxy . " the film was shot by veteran cinematographer roger deakins , who has worked with the coens on three other films , " barton fink , " " the hudsucker proxy , " and " fargo . " deakins always gives the coens' films a distinctive visual style , and here he does a brilliant job of capturing the bright colors of seedy los angeles in the early nineties , whether that by the obnoxious blue bowling suit worn by the dude's main competitor jesus quintana ( john turturro ) , or the strikingly manic dream sequences , one of which involves the dizzy spectacle of watching a strike from a bowling ball's point of view . if " fargo " was the coen brothers' most restrained effort in years , " the big lebowski " marks their return to over-the-edge filmmaking . it is overflowing with style and attitude , which helps make up for the scattered plot fragments that never quite come together in the end . the coens fill the screen with lighting , set design , music , and hilarious performances from all the leads , especially bridges and the always reliable john goodman , who shows real comic timing in his untimely 'nam-inspired outbursts and his intense dedication to his adopted judaism . with joel directing , ethan producing , and both writing , the coen brothers seem limitless in their capacity to turn our world inside out . their talent lies not in their ability to reflect the norms of reality , but in their potential to dig out the darkest corners of life and bring them to light . the coens rejoice in the oddballs of the world , and they put them center-stage to show that it's not just guys like the dude who are nuts , but the entire planet .

meet joe black is your classic boy-meets-girl , boy-likes-girl , boy-gets-killed-in-horrible-accident , supernatural-entity-takes-over-boy's-body , supernatural-entity-falls-in-love-with-girl story . based on the 1934 film death takes a holiday , meet joe black is a well acted romantic drama which explores the meanings of life and love . william parrish ( anthony hopkins ) is a billionaire businessman on the brink of his 65th birthday . he has built a huge media empire , and raised two beautiful daughters , allison ( marcia gay harden ) and susan ( claire forlani ) . william has been able to negotiate his way out of many tough spots . . . but he has suddenly begun fearing his own mortality , the one situation he won't be able to talk his way out of . and he has good reason to fear , for death himself is stalking him . however , death has a deal to make . death has taken possession of a man who has recently died ( brad pitt ) , and wants william to be his guide in a holiday among the living . in return , william gets to live a few extra days . of course , he agrees . death , under the human name of " joe black " , gets to experience life as a complete innocent . he never before has experienced the simple pleasures of a springy matters or peanut butter . and he's not quite compared for the more complex pleasures when he and susan fall in love . but , is their affair doomed to an early demise ? at nearly three hours in length , meet joe black is a little bit on the leisurely side , though it never gets boringly lengthy . instead , the film gets a chance to develop some nicely textured characters and situations . you get to soak in and enjoy the atmosphere , rather than being hurriedly rushed through it . the romantic angle works well , though , surprisingly , the interactions between joe black and william parrish are more interesting than those with his daughter . this is most likely due to anthony hopkins , who once again displays his superb acting skills . william is a desperate man who has had a seemingly ideal life , and doesn't want to let it go . by contrast , claire forlani is merely the romantic interest . she gets to show joe the ropes of love , but is hardly as interesting a character . as joe black , brad pitt seems a bit stilted . granted , he's supposed to be out-of-place , but the overly formal technique used by pitt begins to distract from the role . still , he is able to hold his own , and over the course of the three hours , his character begins to grow on you . the main character who seems out of place here is drew ( jake weber ) , an ambitious executive in williams' company who is joe black's main rival for susan's affections . weber plays the character with a hammy relish reminiscent of snidley whiplash . this cartoonish foil an aberration in a film filled many more dimensional characters . the supernatural elements of the film are handled murkily , but never distractingly so . we never learn what is the exact nature of death , or why he's never done something like this before . it actually gets a bit creepy when death talks to the dying in their own voices/accents . ( his initial conversations with hopkins sound shockingly like hannibal lecter . . . ) and the ultimate resolution to one of the film's supernatural problems seems , well , somewhat superficial . still , even with the film's length , it was a pleasant time at the movies , something you wouldn't necessarily expect from a film about death . . . but one which meet joe black delivers anyhow .

not so long ago , men by the names of peckinpah , ford , leone , and eastwood made westerns . real westerns . these were some of the best films of the twentieth century . those days are gone . now we have crap like wild wild west to pass for the western . and that record is not improved with the unbearable tale of american outlaws . outlaws is yet another re-telling of the jesse james legend , courtesy of b-movie king james g . robinson ( producer of such classics as wrongfully accused and chill factor ) . delayed since the spring , this version stars the irish hunka hunka burning love colin farrell ( the best part of schumacher's tigerland ) as the bad-ass jesse james . alas , any sense of his character has been left on the ranch , leaving us with only cute chicks like ali larter ( minus the whipped cream ) to watch . the spin this time around : fresh from serving as southern militiamen in the civil war , jesse james ( farrell ) , his brother frank ( gabriel macht ) , and his pal cole younger ( scott caan ) lay down their arms and head home to missouri to tend the family farms after the war has ended . but trouble is brewing in their small town of liberty when evil railroad baron thaddeus rains ( harris yulin ) and his cronies rollin parker ( terry o'quinn ) and allan pinkerton ( timothy dalton ) demand the boys turn over their lands to the railroads . the jameses and the youngers then join forces to fight the railroad -- by robbing banks up and down missouri , thus cutting off the railroad's financial surplus and playing robin hood to the local people . along the way , the boys squabble over who's the cutest of the gang , who's the most popular cowboy in the gang , and who ought to go on mtv's total request live . they rob numerous banks with identical interiors , always with the kindest of hearts , strutting in their grungy dusters as moby songs play in the background . the witty banter they share could be plastered within a hallmark card . the biggest disappointment here lies in the acting of colin farrell . after a great job in tigerland , farrell walks through this role easier then nicolas cage in gone in 60 seconds . and his american accent rivals richard gere's irish accent in the jackal . combined with feeling like bonanza : the teen years , this homogenized production ( toned down to get the ever-popular pg-13 rating ) gives us an invincible jesse james that quickly grows tiresome and boring . the unbearable villains courtesy of timothy dalton and thaddeus rains spend the entire film proclaiming that everyone should be hanged , sucking out any energy left in the film . not to mention : the real story of jesse james and his gang bears no resemblance to the plot of american outlaws . instead , the movie is full of old , outrageous tales about the wild west -- tales which went out of style in 5-cent magazines about a century ago .

there is a striking scene early in " city of angels , " where all the angels who live unseen in our midst , gather at the beach to watch the sun rise . the camera moves above them , showing the endless rows of ethereal men and women , all garbed in black . then the camera moves in on the face of seth , an angel played by nicolas cage , and as the sun rises , he smiles and his entire face lights up . you see , the angels can hear music in sunrises and sunsets , but they cannot feel a human touch . it is an important scene for several reasons . first of all , it is one of many instances in the film that make angels seem thoroughly plausible . the film presents these fantastic beings as normal-looking people who drift amongst the inhabitants of earth , watching what goes on with little interference . there are none of the standard , hokey angel references used in recent films like " angels in the outfield " ( 1994 ) or " michael " ( 1996 ) . the angels here are stark and believable . this early scene on the beach is also an important scene of juxtaposition , for its shows how god's angels can enjoy aspects of the earth that human cannot , and yet they are denied so many simple human pleasures , like feeling the sand on their feet or the waves lapping at their legs , or the smell of the salt in the air . there is an inherent tragedy in being an angel , although there is much beauty in it as well . they eternally walk the earth , listening to our thoughts , touching us in our pain , and leading the dying to heaven . like human existence , being an angel is often confused and unsure . " city of angels " is essentially a love story , between seth and a human , a beautiful but sad heart surgeon named maggie ( meg ryan ) . he first sees her when he is in her operating room , waiting to lead the soul of her dying patient to heaven . maggie is distraught , doing everything in her power to stop the man from dying on her table , and seth is moved by her efforts and , more importantly , her overwhelming sadness when the patient dies . angels have the limited power to soothe humans in time of misery and pain , and seth does what he can with his invisible touch , but it's not enough . he wants to be with her and share her pain , not just stand back at a distance . he learns that the only way to fulfill his desire for human love and touch is for him to " fall " and become human . he learns this from another fallen angel , played by dennis franz ( " n . y . p . d . blue " ) in a touching and humorous performance . sitting at a diner together , franz tells cage's character about how wonderful it is to be human - to be able to taste food , feel another person's skin , smell the air , and most importantly , have a loving wife and children . of course , there is pain to go along with all this , but for seth , it will be worth it . " city of angels " is something of a reinterpretation of wim wender's haunting 1988 film " wings of desire . " wenders' film was more like a poem - it was the feeling , the emotion that truly mattered over what actually happened . the americanized version moves the location from divided berlin to broken los angeles , and the emphasis shifts onto the relationship between the immortal angel and the mortal human . and , unlike most foreign films that are re-made into hollywood fare , it doesn't suffer extensive damage . this may be because director brad silberling ( " casper " ) and screenwriter dana stevens ( " blink " ) wanted to make " city of angels " its own movie - inspired by " wings of desire , " but not an attempt to copy it . and yet , " city of angels " is not a typical hollywood movie . it is beautifully filmed in lush colors by cinematographer john seale ( " the english patient " ) , whose sweeping aerial shots and golden lighting make los angeles into an almost unrecognizable new world . seale creates many striking visuals : in addition to the beach scene , there is a wonderful sequence in a circular library where all the angels appear at banisters all around , looking down at seth as he watches maggie walk by . while the film travels along a charted plot , it takes time to develop its characters and situations ; it sheds light on the boundaries between what is earthly and what is heavenly , and shows just how thin those boundaries are . both cage and ryan give soulful , soft-spoken performances . ryan , who is usually so bouncy and energetic , truly embodies a sadness that can only be alleviated by a heavenly touch . cage projects all his desire and longing to be human in simple , heartfelt gazes , and speaks with the comforting , knowing voice that only an angel could have . what is most striking about " city of angels " is that stevens has added a new ending to the screenplay , which is both unexpected and challenging . it's not a formulaic hollywood ending , because it is both sad and uplifting at the same time . it doesn't give the audience what it thinks it wants at the end of a romance . instead , it offers something much better , something that speaks to the depths of what it means to be human and alive . ____________________________________________ visit " charlie don't surf ! " an eclectic collection of film reviews by james kendrick http : //www . bigfoot . com/~jimkendrick || e-mail : jimkendrick@bigfoot . com

apparently , director tony kaye had a major battle with new line regarding his new film , american history x . i don't know the details of the fight , but it seems that he is not happy with the final product , and nearly removed his name from the credits altogether . i've heard about this kind of thing happening before , and it makes me wonder how much input a studio has over the films they produce . as it is , i found american history x to be an extremely good film , not just because of tony kaye's focused look at the touchy subject of racism , but because of a powerful , charismatic performance from edward norton . it's hard to believe that it has only been two years since norton's fantastic role in primal fear , but , here he is now , starring in his own film and making himself a star . norton is one of those performers who becomes his character , and his work in american history x is one of the very best performances this year . he plays a young man named derek vinyard , a skinhead living in venice beach with his brother , danny ( edward furlong ) , mother ( beverly d'angelo ) , and sister , davin ( jennifer lien ) . the film opens with a flashback , in which derek brutally kills two black men vandalizing his car . we find out that this lands him in prison , and the film from that point is seen through the eyes of danny . in the present-time of the film , danny is in high school , and eager to follow the footsteps of his brother . much of the film is told in flashback , and we see the path that leads to derek's adoption of white supremacy . when derek is released , having served three years in prison , he finds that his brother is now a full-blown skinhead ; derek , however , has given up the violence , and tries to get his brother to understand why racism and the violence that comes with it are bad things . what makes this all interesting is that these two young men are not stupid , thoughtless people -- they are intelligent and articulate , and voice their beliefs in disturbingly straightforward terms . it's hard to make a controversial movie and not preach , but kaye has found the right note for his material . because american history x is a mainstream film , there has to be a redemption phase for our main character -- some people may think that this is the only way to make him sympathetic . i partially disagree with this , because , although i do not advocate racism in any way , it's interesting the way kaye presents derek -- he is a loud , obnoxious man , but he's also very smart . the reasons for why he becomes a skinhead are believable -- his father was arbitrarily killed by a group of black men . it's clear that he's passionate about his beliefs , and that he's not just a punk looking for an excuse to beat people up . of course , it helps that kaye has an actor as talented as norton to play this part . it's astonishing how frightening norton looks with a shaved head and a swastika on his chest . in addition to getting the look just right , he's perfect for this role -- derek requires intelligence , depth , and a whole lot of shouting , and norton does it all with ease . even when he's at his meanest , derek has a likable quality to him , and that's a gutsy approach when telling a story about a skinhead . what adds depth to the story is a subplot in which the principal of danny's school ( avery brooks ) becomes obsessed with purging the hatred from danny . the other performances are all terrific , with standouts from furlong , d'angelo , and lien . visually , the film is very powerful . kaye indulges in a lot of interesting artistic choices , and most of them work nicely -- lots of slow-motion and strange camera angles add to a moody atmosphere . but , like a lot of movies lately , american history x skims past greatness in the last few minutes . although the climactic scene is very moving , the picture ends with a pretentious , preachy resolution featuring a brief narration from a character who was killed . for a movie so smart a subtle up until that point , it felt like a slap in the face to be hand-fed a theme in such a simplistic way . it makes me wonder what , exactly , tony kaye disliked about the final version of his film . perhaps this last scene was the problem . it's hard to imagine any director not being at least partially pleased with a film this good -- in a time when so many movies are timid and weak , american history x manages to make a compelling argument for racism without advocating it any way .

is evil dead ii a bad movie ? it's full of terrible acting , pointless violence , and plot holes yet it remains a cult classic nearly fifteen years after its release . explaining why this movie stands out from others with similar plots ( including the original evil dead ) is extremely difficult . `well what's it about ? ' `five people stranded in a log cabin in the middle of nowhere struggling to survive vicious attacks from a variety of ugly , hairy , wart covered monsters . ' `come on i saw a movie just like that on monster vision last week . why should i see it again ? ' `no evil dead ii is different , it's funny . ' `it's funny to see people die ? are you sick or something ? ' maybe i am and maybe director sam raimi is as well to create such an enigma of a movie . his unique execution is as sarcastic as subtle , as disturbing as it is hilarious . an example of raimi's odd approach : a monster ( formerly protagonist ash's girlfriend of all people ) is cut in half by a chainsaw and a tidal wave of blood comes from the open wound . sure it's over-the-top , but it is so over-the-top that it is laugh out loud funny ; just try watching ash with a straight face as he unexpectedly is showered with ten gallons of blood , staining his face and knocking him back a few feet . the whole movie is like this , watch ash get beat up , watch ash defeat the monster , watch ash get beat up again by another even zanier monster . the more repetitive and unrealistic the movie gets , the more amusing it becomes . no matter how sick it may sound , it is funny to watch bruce ampbell's ash get his butt kicked every five minutes . and raimi takes advantage , he has ash tormented by the head of his girlfriend , by the body of an old lady , even by his own right hand . like the less superior idle hands , we watch ash uncontrollably hit himself over and over again until he is forced to cut off his own body part . but it doesn't end , ash now has to fight his severed hand which now moves with the same celerity as thing from the addams family . all of these events , thrown at you from minute one with roller coaster- like camera movements , at first become shocking , then inexplicably funny . raimi expects the audience to laugh and as the film progresses , he seems to be enjoying himself even more by borrowing the classic mirror scene from the marx brothers' duck soup , then bringing more characters into the picture to comically kill them off . with a running time of less than an hour and a half , raimi gets away with the impossible , making a horror film with more gore than plot and intentionally more laughs than scares . ending evil dead ii with an opening for the third film in the series , raimi obviously had a lot of fun making this movie and couldn't wait to make it's sequel .

originally entitled dancing about architecture ( i . e . " talking about love is like dancing about architecture " ) , but changed because it sounded too much like the recent box-office dud dancing at lughnasa , this film slaps together a stunning cast of hollywood names , playing interesting and well-written characters , within a vignettes-styled plot arrangement a la robert altman . plot : follow the lives of several couples falling in and out of love , finding themselves , regaining a clearer understanding of the people that they are , and who they want , and appreciating the fine emotional art of love . critique : charmingly effective romantic drama , this film offers insight into various types of relationships , presents us with interesting characters and excellent performances from the cast , and scratches beneath the surface of love and its many complex subtleties . how do people fall in love ? why do people fall out of love ? how do people fall back into love , once they've been hurt and left to join the lonely hearts club ? all of these questions and more , are touched upon in this film , within several types of variant relationships . meet a hip , young couple going through their first date . a divorcee attempting to date again after her many failed relationships . a married woman " finding herself " while cheating on her husband . a husband letting go of his inhibitions . an older couple dealing with a past " love " of the man , a secret recently uncovered . a son dying from aids , joined by his mother at the hospital . there are many nuances to this picture , and many ideas and quotes to which we could all relate , but more importantly , there is diversity . diversity of relationships helped me and my gang of friends enjoy this film on many levels . some related to the younger couples' issues . others with the married . there's a little bit of everything for everyone in here . and i would bet dollars to donuts that if i were to watch this film again in a year , i would relate myself to yet another predicament . just like love itself , this movie is distinct and appreciated by all on many different levels . the actors in this film are all also very , very good . sean connery is solid as the older man with some issues to resolve , as is gena rowlands , as the aging wife with trepidations . jolie comes out of this film a star with a great performance , while philippe is as pretty-boy as ever . anderson leaves scully far behind with her wonderful portrayal of a damaged woman trying to re-ignite her love life , opposite a surprisingly admirable performance by former talk-show host , jon stewart . even dennis quaid manages to step outside of his overacting shoes in this film , and offers a convincing show of a man lost within his own imagination . the only piece of this puzzle which left me somewhat detached , was the part surrounding jay mohr , the man dying from aids , and his mother , ellen burstyn . the actors were fine , but somehow , the piece seemed out of place within the realm of everything else . the ending of this film was also a little too saccharine for me , but i guess that's just hollywood . this film is actually a lot like your friends and neigbors ( 5 . 5/10 ) and happiness ( 4 . 5/10 ) in concept and style , but its complete anthesis in regards to character relatibility and likeness . the characters in those films were too unique and inhuman for anyone to care , as opposed to this film , which offers rich and believable characters , living real lives and talking about real issues in today's relationships . all in all , this movie offers many interesting characters , talking and living genuine and engaging love lives , wonderful performances by its solid cast , too sweet of an ending , but an enjoyable and rewatchable movie nonetheless . little known facts about this film and its stars : according to a story in the london sunday mirror , sean connery asked for only $60 , 000 for his role in this movie , as compared to his usual fee of $14 million , because he liked the script so much . on top of that , he convinced his co-stars ( including gena rowlands , gillian anderson , ellen burstyn , et al . ) to do the same . this is director/writer willard carroll second real foray into the world of " adult films " . before this , he had written and produced many children's movies . gillian anderson stands 5'2 . angelina jolie's full name is angelina jolie voight . she is actor jon voight's daughter . she has trained and performed at the lee strasberg theatre institute . she divorced actor jonny lee miller of trainspotting ( 8 . 5/10 ) fame in 1997 . they were married in 1995 . actor ryan phillippe's full name is matthew ryan phillippe . he stands 5'9 , and spent his childhood in new castle , delaware . his acting career started on tv's " one life to live " . he portrayed daytime television's first gay teenager . jon stewart's full name is jonathan stewart leibowitz . this film was originally entitled if they only knew and dancing about architecture . watch for movie posters from swingers ( 8 . 5/10 ) , chasing amy ( 7/10 ) and the texas chainsaw massacre ( 8/10 ) at the movie theatre where the characters of joan and keenan go on their first date .

because the press screening of " planet of the apes " was one day past last issue's deadline , i was afforded the opportunity to see the film a second time , listen to audience reactions and read a heap of reviews before writing this piece . the chief complaints of those who disliked the futuristic adventure appear to be that the movie focused on visuals instead of substance , that the story was thin , that mark wahlberg's character was colorless and that the surprise ending sucked . to those people i would like to say ? what the hell did you expect ? this is a tim burton movie , boys and girls . tim burton movies have great art direction and thin , clunky stories . for the blissfully nasty , disjointed and underrated " mars attacks ! " ( jonathan rosenbaum of the chicago reader and i were two of the only critics in america to praise the movie ) burton reportedly tossed vintage " mars attacks ! " trading cards onto the floor and based his story on the ones that landed face up . burton's re-imagining of the 1968 story of an astronaut that lands on a planet where apes rule men looks great . the apes , courtesy of make-up magician rick baker , are dazzling and ape city is a wonder to behold . like astronaut leo davidson ( wahlberg ) , the film hits the ground running , whisking viewers through a head-spinning series of solid one-liners and engaging vignettes and establishing a sense of thrust that carries us through the more traditional fight scenes that come later . as for wahlberg , consider what burton does with his character . from his start as a filmmaker , burton has shown his fascination with colorful misfits ( pee-wee herman , the joker , ed wood , the ack-acking martians , etc . ) and lack of interest in standard issue heroes . so leo davidson spends most of the movie getting the living shit kicked out of him before the biggest guilt trip in history is dropped on his shoulders . as for lack of color , remember , leo only launches into space to get his monkey back . he doesn't want to lead humanity and he isn't looking for romance from a pretty , but dull human ( estella warren ) or a dynamic ape ( helena bonham carter , terrific as an equal-rights activist ) . as a man who just wants out , wahlberg is focused , subtle and sly . the surprise ending provides the requisite shock ( and some more dandy visuals , particularly of the approaching authority figures ) , but admittedly isn't nearly as satisfying as the one in the original . for the original ending to work , we only had to make one simple connection , for this one , we have to write a whole new screenplay . the 1968 " apes " boasted a handful of great scenes , cool looking monkeys , a deliciously hammy performance by charlton heston ( who appears uncredited here as an aged chimp on his deathbed , re-delivering a classic line ) and a killer ending . but viewers had to suffer through numerous dull stretches punctuated by social and political messages delivered with the grace of a wrecking ball . the 2001 " planet of the apes " offers a different set of great scenes , much cooler looking monkeys , fine acting from wahlberg , bonham carter , paul giamatti and tim roth , and a not so good ending . it also gives us another chance to experience the skewed vision of tim burton and that's nothing to complain about .

" in dreams " might keep you awake at night , but not because of its creepy imagery , bizarre visual style or story about a clairvoyant madman who lures young girls to their untimely deaths . no , the source of potential sleeplessness here lies within the movie's brutally squandered potential , the least of which is an admittedly nifty premise - even by tired serial killer genre standards . the big letdown , however , comes upon the realization that this 100-minute head-scratcher was masterminded by neil jordan , the man behind " the crying game . " he's no stranger to cinematic weirdness , but this nutty nonsense really pushes the envelope . things start out strong enough , with cinematographer darius khondji's stunning camera work guiding viewers into the bowels of a underwater ghost town during a creepy prologue that establishes a notably grim tone right off the bat . this eerie opulence remains a dazzling display of showmanship throughout the entire film - there's even something macabre about the way khondji photographs a rustic , seemingly innocent new england autumn - but if there ever was a film that didn't deserve so good a polish , it's this one . don't knock the look , but say what you will about the foolish plot , underdeveloped characters and flat dialogue . annette bening , another asset " in dreams " shouldn't be so lucky to boast , gives an increasingly effective performance in a role that doesn't do much for her in return . she plays claire cooper , a massachusetts children's book illustrator who's plagued by terrifying nightmares involving kidnaped children . she thinks these visions are a warning knell for horrible , soon-to-be-committed crimes , but neither her ho-hum husband ( aidan quinn ) nor the ho-hummer police can muster up the sense to take her seriously . this being a thriller , we know that she is , in fact , on the money , and it's a credit to bening's acting that she delves equally into claire's madness and compassion . but as soon as a body turns up and claire has given the authorities reason enough to believe her claims , " in dreams " trades in its nifty supernatural chills for a long series of allegedly spooky jolts that simply refuse to make sense . scenes pile up like a car wreck with little or no explanation or exposition . subplots appear and disappear . when claire finally comes face-to-face with our evil murderer ( robert downey jr . ) , it turns out his name is vivian , he's clairvoyant and he's got some major issues with mama , a la norman bates . " in dreams " reaches its absurdist zenith here , and the climax drags with mumbled revelations and laughable twists . some questions , then : what's with the garbage disposal retching applesauce ? are the drawings on the wall blood or paint ? who cranked up the andrews sisters on the cd player and caused the swing to move on its own ? what about the computer ? does vivian possess the gift of telekinesis in addition to his other powers ? why would he continually endanger claire if she was necessary for his ultimate plan ? is the woman in australia integral to anything ? and the aforementioned flooded city - what function does that _really_ serve ? sigh . at least in my own dreams , i can imagine a better movie where certain talent didn't go to waste .

one of kyle mclachlan's earlier cinematic features , this movie has had an obvious influence on such films as the terminator ( 8/10 ) , species ( 7/10 ) and the more recent , fallen with denzel washington . plot : a science-fiction picture set in modern times , this thriller follows the exploits of an " entity " from outer space , who likes to inhabit human bodies , use them up until they are completely worn out , and then switch over to the next available receptacle . fbi agent ( mclachlan ) and local top cop ( nouri ) are charged with the capture of this " thing " before it's too late . critique : this fast-paced , urban equivalent of the thing ( 8/10 ) , checks in on all cylinders for ultra-violence ( god knows how many people died in this movie ) , action and an overall rock 'n roll attitude . then again , how can you go wrong with an " alien " that likes the ferraris , guns , heavy metal music and sexy girls ? ! granted , the plot isn't the most elaborate of tales ( alien bad , find alien , kill alien ) , but i can honestly say that i was never once bored during the viewing of this entire picture . i wouldn't recommend it to those who don't like car chases , murders , and bland acting , but for all the rest of you out there , those who enjoy putting away their brains every now and again , sitting back , slamming back some salsa'd nachos , and relishing in the cheeze some call film . . . have a blast ! ! two scenes to watch for are both within the first ten minutes of this gore-fest . the opening sequence is one of the most rockin' scenes to open any action movie , and the subsequent extra-terrestrial " transformation " is another eye-catcher . even the late 80's special effects were okay . followed by the hidden ii in 1994 . little known facts : this film was kyle maclachlan's first non-david lynch foray into the world of feature films . his first two movie appearances were in lynch's wretched dune ( 4/10 ) and the sensational blue velvet ( 8 . 5/10 )

wild things is a way to steam up an otherwise dreary early spring day ? provided , of course , that you're the victim of a frontal lobotomy . there is , in fact , no doubt about who this motion picture is aimed at : movie-goers in their late teens and early twenties -- the most lucrative target group . this is film noir for the mtv generation : fast-paced , slick , flashy , gleefully mindless , and hollow to the core . wild things is easily one of the five dumbest movies to arrive in theaters during the first eleven weeks of 1998 . i've seen more convincing drama ( with nearly as much bare flesh ) on that pinnacle of narrative quality , baywatch . wild things wants to dupe viewers into thinking it's a thriller with a real story . what it is , however , is a series of increasingly- improbable and shockingly predictable plot twists . everything in between those serpentine moments is filler -- a flash of a breast , a spatter of blood , and some of the most idiotic dialogue this side of a steven seagal movie . the film tries so hard to surprise its audience that the twists end up being easy to guess -- just take a stab at the most unlikely thing to happen , and that will probably be it . using this approach , i was right three times and wrong only once . that's not a good average for a production that wants to keep viewers in the dark about what's around the next corner . the ad campaign uses two things to sell this movie : the hot , young cast and the old standby , sex . both have an abundance of screen time , although i'll admit that the film's erotic content is somewhat less impressive than i expected . nothing about wild things is exceptionally risqu ? . the soft-core sex sequences are generic , and don't generate much heat . the lesbian kisses can't hold a candle to those in bound . theresa russell and denise richards have only token topless appearances ( neve campbell , possessing an iron-clad " no nudity " clause in her contract , keeps her clothes more or less on ) . the film's greatest curiosity is a full frontal shot of kevin bacon climbing out of the shower . maybe a few girls will skip seeing a fully-clothed leonardo dicaprio for the thirteenth time in titanic to catch a glimpse of what kyra sedgwick ( mrs . kevin bacon ) is familiar with . the director of wild things is john mcnaughton , whose last effort was the finely-tuned psychological thriller , normal life . that movie featured copious sex , a pair of real characters , and a powerful script . it's difficult to believe that something this shallow could come from the same film maker . but i suppose we all need to put food on the table . mcnaughton appears to have completely lost his way here , in what is obviously a stab at mainstream success ( his previous wide-release picture , mad dog and glory , was a box-office disappointment ) . quick cuts and pretty sunrises can't even begin to cover up this movie's flaws . the main character ( and i use that term lightly , since no one in wild things shows more than an occasional flash of personality ) is sam lombardo ( matt dillon ) , a guidance counselor at florida's blue bay high school . a student , the deliciously curvaceous kelly van ryan ( denise richards ) , has a crush on him . one afternoon , she comes to his house to wash his car , and , when she leaves , her clothing is torn . after confessing to her mother ( theresa russell ) that she was raped , she goes to the police station , where she tells her story to detectives ray duquette ( kevin bacon ) and gloria perez ( daphne rubin-vega ) . they are skeptical about here claims until another girl , suzie toller ( neve campbell ) , comes forward with a similar tale . meanwhile , sam , convinced that he's being set up , goes to a shyster lawyer ( bill murray ) for help . the acting in wild things isn't very good , but none of the principals have much to work with . this is definitely not a character- based motion picture . not only does the ludicrous screenplay ignore the possibility that someone in the audience may have a triple-digit i . q . , but it doesn't bother to give any of the on-screen individuals even a hint of depth . the men and women populating the picture are there to look nice , but nothing more . matt dillon is given plenty of opportunities to flex his biceps . neve campbell gets to model the slutty look . denise richards strikes a fetching pose in a see-through , one-piece bathing suit . and nothing in the film gets a rise out of kevin bacon . the only one who's even remotely interesting is bill murray , and he seems to think he's in comedy , not a thriller ( maybe he's got the right idea ) . columbia pictures has specifically requested that critics not reveal the film's ending , which prompts the question : which ending do they want kept secret ? wild things has no less than three ( one occurs during the end credits , so stay seated ) , all of which are jaw-droppingly absurd -- a feat that joe eszterhas ( the writer of basic instinct and showgirls ) would be impressed by . thanks to jeffrey kimball's polished , kinetic cinematography , wild things always looks great , and george s . clinton's score keeps it pulsing and throbbing . but , no matter how shiny the superficial sheen is , this is still trash , and , like all garbage , it stinks .

" when you get out of jail , you can kill him . " starring ashley judd , tommy lee jones , bruce greenwood . rated r . double jeopardy is a lurid , prepostrous thriller that's also one of the year's most enjoyable . it's an uncompromisingly brutal , cheerfully anarchic , hyperactive actioner that has a mission and never diverts from it . there is not a moment here when the events on screen don't have a direct bearing on the plot ; once the film gets going it never stops . it has been branded as the female version of the fugitive and that's probably a correct assessment of the plot , but the film itself has little in common with the 1993 andrew davis/harrison ford collaboration besides the presence of star tommy lee jones . not even bothering with character introduction , director bruce beresford floors the gas pedal from the get-go and never finds the brake . we meet , rather hastily , libby and nick parsons ( ashley judd and bruce greenwood , respectively ) a seemingly happy married couple , with a son matty , age 4 . they go out on a sailboat one night , and after a period of some rockin' sex , they go to sleep . libby hears a strange noise , wakes up and discovers that she is covered with blood . she follows a red trail to the upper deck , where she finds a knife and , out of astonishment , picks it up . at that convenient moment , the coast guard shows up and libby is arrested . her lawyer , a friend , puts up a defense in court , but though we know she is innocent , the evidence against her is too compelling . her friend adopts her son and she goes to prison . once in prison , she makes a phone call to her friend . her friend gives her son the phone . nick walks in the room . little matty screams " daddy ! " the phone goes dead . libby realizes that the man she is imprisoned for killing isn't even dead . she gets some advice from a prisoner/former lawyer , who tells her that since the state already convicted her of killing her husband , they can't convict her of the same crime again , meaning that when she gets paroled she can kill him and they can't touch her . after a weirdly short amount of time , she gets out of parole . she is sent to live at a house with other recent parolees , under the command of parole officer travis lehman ( tommy lee jones ) . she sets out on a mission to find her husband and get her son back , which turns out to be much more difficult than anticipated . she winds up tracking him all the way to new orleans where she finds out that he has long killed his girlfriend and her son's " adopter " . double jeopardy is based on an assumption that is legally false . the law stating that nobody can be convicted twice for the same crime assumes that it is the same crime : same time , same place , same circumstances . it's not like it matters . this is a rollickingly good thriller ; intense , exciting , fast and furious . it's silly alright , but this is the kind of film you just don't question . in some films , plausibility is everything . double jeopardy , however , is not concerned with making sense : its sole purpose is to entertain , and it does . judd helps the film tremendously in a difficult role . this is her breakout box-office performance , and she is terrific . she brings some emotion to what could have been a one-dimensional role , giving the movie a little soul to go along with its effective chase scenes and action set pieces . tommy lee jones basically just reprises the role for which he won an oscar in the fugitive , but the movie makes good use of his stone-faced wit . thankfully , too , double jeopardy refrains from developing a romance between libby and travis ; a subplot which doubtlessly would have interfered with the film's story . this is one of those movies where cops are the bad guys , and i took a sort of sick pleasure in that . the sheer anarchy of the proceedings was nothing short of wonderful , as ashley judd kicks the crap out of every authority figure in the book . after all the idealistic hollywood features featuring hero cops , deft fbi agents and the virtues of the american legal system , it's great to see a movie that doesn't so much demonstrate their fallacy as it delights in their failure . double jeopardy is really good , but it isn't the kind of good that is remembered or recognized with awards . it's one of those movies better viewed with the brain turned off , otherwise , your brain will be busy ruining your experience . this is a thriller that isn't concerned with being smart or plausible . instead it diverts all attention to the action , which , this year , is second to none .

john von neumann , progenitor of the computer age and critically important mathematician on the manhattan project , pointed out long ago that there is a great way to explore the cosmos , even without recourse to faster-than light travel . you send out self-replicating robot ships which explore and radio back information . it may take decades , centuries , or millennia , but it can be done with achievable technology , and doesn't require a magical faster-than-light drive . in the fifties , british astronomer fred hoyle improved on this plan by suggesting that it would be better to radio plans for a complex computer and a program for it ; any civilization capable of receiving the transmission could build the computer , which would then engage in a real-time dialog with the aliens , exchanging information and technologies , and hopefully arranging to send back what it had learned . about thirty-five years ago , the bbc contracted with astronomer/writer fred hoyle and writer frank elliot to create the scripts for a mini-series called a for andromeda . afa concerned the reception of a hoyle transmission , the construction of a huge computer , the computer's analysis of life on earth , and its creation of an apparently human intermediary to facilitate communication . she was played with ethereally inhuman perfection by the then-unknown julie christie . audience response was so strong that the bbc contracted for a sequel , andromeda breakthrough , which played to equally high ratings . dennis feldman , whose previous credits include the golden child , has never been noted for coherent , well-structured movie scripts ; they start out great , and then disintegrate into a morass of chase and action , mitigated only by the presence of the obligatory beautiful girl . feldman writes good scenes , but has no idea how to tell a story or write a movie , even with a previous version to use as a model . now , in species , we have a mundane retread of the andromeda plotline , derailed by a preoccupation with removing the clothes from the leading lady and further ruined by a mediocre attempt to emulate several recent horror films in terms of splatter , gore , and chases . species features ben kingsley , who is completely wasted in a badly-written portrayal of a feebly amoral scientist . forest whitaker and alfred molina are also served poorly by the script . the species story is relatively simple ; we have been radioing information about ourselves and our dna out into space since 1971 , and have been receiving answers for two years . ( note that , in the 1970's , we really didn't know diddly about the human genome structure , and were hardly in a position to radio out a set of blueprints for human beings . even today , all we can do is give information about dna and how it works , not a copy of human dna , because we don't have it analyzed yet . ) the answers we get from the unknown alien source are plans for recreating a member of the alien race , and doctor xavier finch , played by ben kingsley , is placed in charge of the attempt . the script begins to go off the deep end at this point , when the result is a beautiful young girl who can shape-shift into any of several ugly alien life forms . the first half of the film has something to offer , as " sil , " the alien girl , struggles with her multi-form existence , changing from beauty to lizard to giant cockroach and back again , all while trying to understand her own place in the cosmos . she seems oddly knowledgeable about human society , with glaring gaps where her social skills should be . her instincts are to mate and procreate , and some of the best scenes deal with her attempts in this area . escaping from her birth laboratory in utah , sil is pursued by a team of drafted civilians with orders to find her and kill her . she goes on an eating binge , spins herself a cocoon , and emerges as an adult , played by natasha henstridge , who goes a long way toward re-creating the sheerly inhuman beauty julie christie achieved in 1960 . the pursuers : michael madsen is an assassin/exterminator ; forrest whitaker is a convenient empath/psychic , just as though the u . s . government actually had such people on call . neither is able to do much with the writing and directing provided . whitaker's role seems to be aimed at making whitaker a male copy of star trek : the next generation's " counselor cleavage . " the other members of the strike team are played by marg helgenberger and alfred molina . kingsley and whitaker are both consummate professionals , too good to not work to the best of their abilities ; but the performances donaldson elicited from the rest of the cast are disappointing and bland , and it is apparent that the direction was a bit weak . h . r . giger's design for the main form of the alien creature is actually a bit boring when we finally get to see it , although previous digital effects were done quite smoothly . the main fault of species is lack of originality ; it starts out with a wonderful , albeit borrowed , premise , and then doesn't live up to it . all we get are chase scenes and a few nice sex scenes , with a few monsters tossed in . there is no buildup of tension and suspense , no climax worthy of the name ; species is just a sequence of " scare " scenes stuck together . the movie is carried by its chase and sex scenes , but not rescued by them . on the other hand , as an exercise in sci-fi action/ adventure , it certainly beats the ichor out of judge dredd . species earns an extra rating point or two for having ben kingsley and natasha henstridge on board , but by and large , it's fun only for those of us who really like this sort of thing . my personal rating is three stars , but knock one or two of those off if you don't enjoy pretty unclothed ladies and bloodthirsty alien monsters . mpaa classification : r ( violence , gore , nudity , sex , language ) stars : ben kingsley , michael madsen , forest whitaker , alfred molina , marg helgenberger , natasha henstridge directed by : roger donaldson produced by : frank mancuso jr . and dennis feldman typed by : dennis feldman cinematography : andrzej bartkowiak music : christopher young run time : 108 minutes aspect ratio : 2 . 35 : 1 from mgm , opens 7 july 1995

the disney studios has its formula for annual , full-length animated features down so pat that it's hard to remember which one you're watching at any given moment . " mulan , " their 36th animated adventure , is the latest case in point . once again we have a tale focused around a strong central character ( female as usual ; disney is one of the few studios whose heroines--ariel , belle , pocahontas , and now mulan--get equal screen time with their heroes in recent years ) . add the requisite love interest and a wise-cracking sidekick or two , pep up the soundtrack with a handful of strategically placed show tunes ( an introspective number by a pool or looking in a mirror , a rousing anthem , a cutesy , montage-backed crowd pleaser ) , pose a few threats to our engaging lead , and tie things all up neatly by the closing credits . bob's your uncle ! better make that walt's your uncle . . . kids will no doubt go ga-ga over " mulan " ( or at least the fast food tie-ins ) , but familiarity can , after a while , leave grown-ups--this reviewer included--wishing for a little more . maybe an animated feature without--shock ! horror ! --the songs , for example ? or maybe a film in which a cheeky chihuahua called pepe longs to become a matador from trinidad ? ? how about simply ditching the sidekicks altogether ? it isn't gonna happen . like disney's previous entries , " mulan " is slow to make its mark . the animation tends to suffer from some slackness in the early going and the humorous element , a madcap dragon wannabe ( in the guise of a loquacious lizard with a case of dry mouth , courtesy eddie murphy's animated vocal talents ) , plays like an inappropriate if necessary ( formula-wise ) afterthought . however , after about an hour everything comes together and the formula , like it or not , clicks . highlights include a spectacular cavalry charge on a snow-covered pass ( which , due to the sophistication of today's computer-generated imagery , is hard to tell from the real thing ) , a memorable , show-stopping musical interlude ( " i'll make a man out of you , " penned by matthew wilder and david zippel ) , and last but not least , mulan herself . voiced by ming-na wen , mulan is disney's strongest female character to date . when hordes of huns pour over china's great wall and threaten to overthrow the imperial palace , the emperor decrees that every family in the land dispatch one man to serve in the imperial army . since mulan's father is infirm , but proud , the high-spirited mulan steals her father's armor and , incognito , signs up to face the mongolian menace . attracted to , but not distracted by , her commanding officer shang ( b . d . wong ) , mulan outmatches her fellow combatants in smarts , wit , and physical ability . she's a woman of the '90s a couple of millennia ahead of her time .

ingredients : neophyte lawyer , legal situations , corrupt insurance company , synopsis : rudy baylor ( matt damon ) is an ethical kid fresh out of law school who must juggle three legal situations at the same time . rudy's girlfriend is attacked by her violent husband ; rudy's elderly landlady wants to arrange her will so that her children are excluded , and ; the family of rudy's friend with leukemia is suing the corrupt insurance company that wouldn't pay for a bone marrow transplant . rudy is new to being a lawyer and is thoroughly outgunned , but luckily he is aided by a sleazy ambulance chaser ( danny devito ) who has failed the bar exam six times as well as by the kindly presiding judge ( danny glover ) . jon voight plays leo f . drummond , the intimidating and arrogant leader of the all-powerful insurance company's team of lawyers who will do anything to oppose justice . will rudy defeat leo ? will he enjoy being a lawyer ? opinion : the good news is that this movie has a happy ending , and it features a guy trying to do the right thing . director francis ford coppola does this film a little differently than the stereotypical law movie . in the typical lawyer movie there's one big case and the movie focuses on solving it , and somewhere along the line surprise witnesses and motives turn up before the good guy wins ( after lots of gripping courtroom drama ) . however , coppola's movie is deliberately more low key . 'the rainmaker' plays out like a personality sketch of young rudy as he gets emotionally involved with and tries to save various little quirky side characters . in the background rudy's voice narrates his feelings and makes half-cynical jokes about the legal profession in general . two factors combine to make this movie less heavy than it can be . first , rudy's time is split juggling three cases , rather than concentrating on a single high-stakes case . also , rudy's use of voice narration in place of acting makes the film lose some of its dramatic edge . the end result is an entertaining low key law movie where the good guys win , and rudy narrates his way into coming of age .

you know , i never really wondered what the tarzan films would have been like had tarzan been an old man . while watching instinct , i couldn't help but acknowledge the way the film carelessly rehashes the well-explored themes of those earlier movies . even beside the tarzan comparison , instinct just isn't a very good film . it's painfully idealistic , manipulative , and silly . i didn't hate it -- it's simply impossible for me to hate any film starring anthony hopkins ; furthermore , most of the acting is quite good . but i can recognize instinct for what it is beyond my subjective admiration for the actors involved . i can also recognize reasons for wanting to make instinct , and it's pretty clear that this could have been a good film with a massive script overhaul and a director less interested in imitating movies like patch adams . things start off in the predictable way , as director jon turtletaub introduces us to our hero , theo caulder ( cuba gooding , jr . ) , an ambitious , young psychiatrist under the supervision of an experienced , old psychiatrist ( donald sutherland ) . caulder soon finds himself involved in the case of his life , the one he thinks will make him famous . the subject is ethan powell ( hopkins ) , an anthropologist who has been living among gorillas in africa for the past two years . powell has been charged with the brutal murders of several men in africa , and it's now caulder's job to find out of he's mentally competent enough to stand trial . through a series of short sessions , caulder tries to put together the complex psyche of powell . even though it really is an old man version of tarzan , much of this central idea is rather interesting . as i said , hopkins is captivating for every second he's on screen ; he has a way of convincing us that he's not acting , that he's actually a man who has just spent two years of his life living with a family of wild gorillas . the character himself isn't very interesting -- he's just an anthropologist who really likes gorillas -- but hopkins makes him interesting with subtleties both in speech and action . gooding jr . does strong work opposite hopkins , playing caulder as an intelligent and flawed individual . the screenplay , written by gerald di pego and " suggested by " a novel by daniel quinn , gives us no background information on caulder , but that seems to be the point ( he has no time for friends because he's obsessed with his work ) . nonetheless , these two actors are essentially the entire list of things that are good about instinct . unfortunately , filmmaking this inept can mangle the effect of even the best acting . turtletaub and di pego are both guilty of instinct's artistic failure , for they work together to make the dumbest , most cliche-ridden environment in which their characters are to live , and they do so by means of brainless subplots . first , we have the prison warden subplot . the prison warden is evil and wants to stop caulder's progress at any cost ; if this means taking caulder off the powell case , then that's fine . there's also the prison guard subplot . the prison guard is played by john ashton ; the prison guard seems to enjoy mercilessly beating upon the psychotics under his supervision , and he's instrumental in helping the story along to its obvious conclusion . then there's the daughter subplot , in which maura tierney ( playing the daughter ) must look very upset a lot of the time ; after all , she is the daughter of a deranged man . if some of this stuff sounds familiar , that's because they're all devices that have been used and reused in countless other films . the evil doctor in patch adams is not unlike the evil warden here . the offensive caricatures of mental patients lack the depth that the similar portrayals in one flew over the cuckoo's nest had . ashton's evil prison guard pales in comparison to clancy brown's in the shawshank redemption . hopkins' performance will undoubtedly remind audiences of his turn in the silence of the lambs . and then there's the whole tarzan thing , which is more than a little bit obvious through the entire film . perhaps what irritates me most about instinct is the half-hearted attempt at philosophical depth . the message powell brings back from the wild is not a subtle one : he thinks that humans are " takers , " that they expand and kill and that we should all just live like gorillas . i can sympathize with that , but only when it's in a compelling film . this is the kind of stupid movie -- just like patch adams -- in which a big group of characters ( psychotic inmates , in this case ) rise against the evil forces oppressing them by tearing up playing cards . what does any of this have to do with a man who has just spent two years of his life with gorillas ? if all the subplots of instinct had been left on the cutting room floor , we would have had a thirty-minute movie far superior to the two-hour one that i watched today . if the central idea had been developed beyond the old man tarzan premise , then we would really have had something interesting -- a movie that doesn't rely on the strength of its actors .

director doug ellin's kissing a fool , released earlier this year , is an aptly titled comedy about two plastic couples housed in an artificial story . like a sitcom with jokes so lame that it would be impossible to overlay a laugh track on it , the movie meanders along insulting the viewers' intelligence in almost every frame . the script by james frey and the director is filled with vapid actors who read meaningless lines you've heard before . ( " i'm not wearing any underwear , " the bimbo tells the famous sportscaster , max , in what she assumes will be a sure-fire come-on line . ) max , chicago's biggest playboy , decides to get married after a whirlwind love affair with sam , short for samantha . max and sam possess two irritating personalities , and they hold little chemistry for each other or the audience . max is played without any style by david schwimmer . schwimmer , whose acting talent is playing characters devoid of personality , makes an unlikely lover . his costar , mili avital as sam , is cut from the same cloth , so they can be argued to be a matched pair . after all , people of the same intelligence are naturally drawn to each other , ditto for similar looks , so why shouldn't the personality-challenged be attracted ? the implausible plot has max asking his best friend , jay ( jason lee ) , to hit on sam as a test . jay is supposed to try to get her to sleep with him , but stop short of the actual act . max , being promiscuous by nature , worries that his future bride may have the same need to sleep around as he does . the idea of flirting with the beautiful sam makes jay so sick that he becomes unable to eat or work . neither the script nor the actors make this test believable . " the 64 , 000 question is : how do you know you're with the wrong person so you can avoid wreaking havoc on major parts of your life ? " jay asks in one of the unsuccessful attempts at adding some seriousness to the film . finally , there is the film's attempt at physical comedy . jay's ex-girlfriend natasha ( vanessa angel ) becomes infatuated with jay again once she thinks he is going out with someone else . natasha rips jay's shirt open after pushing him down onto the sofa . as she throws her hair on his bare chest , she demands he pull it . this is supposed to be funny ? most films have some saving grace . some bit part was done especially well or some scene managed to be funny even if the rest of the picture wasn't . kissing a fool , on the other hand , has nothing to recommend it . kissing a fool runs 1 : 45 . it is rated r for profanity and sexuality and would be acceptable for most teenagers .

it's difficult to expect much from a director whose greatest accomplishments to date are a handful of " award-winning " tv commercials , as is the case with bubble boy director blair hayes . that said , hayes's feature film debut lives up to expectations , coming off mainly as equal parts offensive and moronic . but occasionally , bubble boy transcends its substandard roots with glimmers of humor and scathing social commentary . those moments of intelligence are delivered mostly by the film's two stars , jake gyllenhall as the immuno-deficient jimmy and swoosie kurtz as his over-protective , hyper religious , reagan-loving mother . gyllenhall's sweet-natured delivery of jimmy's hilariously na ? ve narration serves as the backbone for an otherwise flimsy coming-of-age story : jimmy is a bubble boy , a kid born without immunity who could die if he comes in contact with a single germ -- a plight explored more seriously in the john travolta tv movie boy in the plastic bubble and less so on seinfeld . his mom home-schools jimmy , filling his head with wildly twisted conservative propaganda and anti-sexual messages , until he's befriended by chloe ( marley shelton ) , the beautiful girl next door . jimmy falls in love with chloe , but is afraid that his love will literally kill him , as evidenced in a scene when she drunkenly tries to enter his bubble for a kiss . but when chloe decides to marry her high school boyfriend , jimmy builds a bubble suit and embarks on a hijinks-addled cross-country voyage to stop the wedding by professing his love . the offensive bits have little to do with jimmy's rare handicap ( regardless of what the film's protesters would have you believe ) , but instead center on outrageous racial stereotypes , including a screaming chinese strip club owner and a devout east indian hindi . but even if you find stereotype humor funny , it's hard to muster more than a giggle for these shallow gags . they even manage to bungle some potentially great moments with a group of carnival freaks . but a few of the harsh jabs manage to work , especially in the case of kurtz , who very bluntly shows the dark , hypocritical side of the religious right , and a wacky send-up of a cult called " bright 'n shiny , " led by the inimitable fabio . unfortunately , a few giggles can't make bubble boy the riotous , off-the-wall comedy it so desperately wants to be . honestly , it's a mystery how on earth this movie was ever made , and i'm not just saying that because it's so mediocre . how odd for disney to take a gamble on a film with an unknown director starring virtually unknown actors that doesn't seem to appeal to any particular demographic and has the potential to offend so many . and now that the studio is suffering through a very public protest against the film by the parents of real-life bubble boy david philip vetter , maybe disney's wondering the same thing . hope the opening box office take makes it worthwhile .

bruce willis is a type-casted actor . in die hard , he played john mcclaine , a rough and tough chicago cop who gets caught in the wrong place at the wrong time . again , in pulp fiction , as butch coolidge , an over-the-hill boxer , he steps on the wrong guys toes . in luc besson's the fifth element , willis plays korben dallas , a new york cabby who takes in the wrong passenger at the worst possible time . a stylish science fiction epic , the fifth element's complex plot begins right away , in the deserts of egypt ( think stargate ) in 1914 . an enormous spacecraft lands above a pyramid where the " 5 elements " are stored and takes them away , vowing to return them when the evil comes back . cut to present day , which is our future . the year is 2023 , and new york is the city . the only basic differences between besson's futuristic depiction and the real life new york is that the smog is thicker , the buildings are higher , and the traffic floats ! anyway , the " evil " comes back as a ball of fire to wreak havoc on the fair citizens of the earth , so back come the tortoise-like aliens to return the " 5 elements " to earth , in order to defend themselves against the " evil . " in the process , however , the ship is intercepted by 2 fighter pods and is destroyed before landing . when officials arrive at the site , all that remains is a hand . what can you do with a hand ? hey , its the 21st century here-dna reconstruction ! this hand turns out to belong to a beautiful , but mysterious woman named leeloo ( milla jovovich , dazed and confused ) . she escapes and , attempting to escape the police by swan diving off of an enormous skyscraper and crashing through the roof of korben's floating cab . it's love at first site , as korben and leeloo elude the lazy-as-always cops . when leeloo begins mumbling about a cornelius ( ian holm , night falls on manhattan ) , korben searches the " yellow pages " and delivers her to the door of the good reverend , the only man who knows of her background and duties . now , korben , leeloo , and cornelius must journey to a foreign planet to board a cruise ship ( special effects were spectacular here ) to find the remaining four elements . it is here , where they discover that they have been followed by the evil jean-baptiste emmanuel zorg ( gary oldman , murder in the first ) . he , too , wants possession of the elements , as do a group of pig-like warriors ( think the gamorreans in return of the jedi ) . in a spectacular ending , with time running out , leeloo is faced with a problem-why should she save a people who live to destroy each other ? the question is a good one , and one that could be pondered . but enough of that . when korben points out his love for her , leeloo is inclined to become the " 5th element " and save the world from total destruction . the fifth element features good performances by willis and holm , an excellent portrayal of a comedic villain ( who reminded me a lot of jack nicholson's the joker in batman ) by one of the masters of villainy , oldman , and a heartfelt offering by relative newcomer jovovich . the supporting cast , which includes brion james ( tango & cash ) , tim " tiny " lester ( no holds barred ) , luke perry ( buffy the vampire slayer ) , and chris tucker ( friday ) , added a comedic effect to the film . although besson's the fifth element can be criticized for the outlandish use of cliches , it is a solid motion picture with a definite point . some other directors ( like anaconda's luis llosa ) should take a lesson from this guy-using ideas from epic motion pictures the right way . ideas from star wars and stargate were utilized for the improvement of this film . sci-fi fan or not , any movie-lover should see this wonderfully stylish motion picture . ,

joe versus the volcano is really one of the worse movies made in very recent memory . the strangest thing is that you would think nothing would go wrong with it . it has a solid cast with tom hanks & meg ryan as the lead roles . but you can never judge a movie by its cast . . . if there is one good thing about joe vs the volcano , it is that the plot is original . unfortunately , it is also incredibly stupid . the movie begins with joe ( tom hanks ) going to work . this opening sequence is very boring and slow . it shows joe walking to his office . but on the way , he has to wait in a long line passing by strange and slightly depressing scenery with obnoxious lighting . a sequence like this should take 2 minutes . here , it takes over 5 . . . it is obvious that joe hates his job . at his office , one of his co-workers is meg ryan . oddly enough , she plays 3 different roles in this movie ! ! joe leaves to go to a doctor's appointment . his doctor informs him that he has a " brain cloud . " this means that in a few months , he will die . so what does joe do ? quit his job , of course ! ! when he arrives home , joe meets an old man named graynamore ( lloyd bridges ) . graynamore tells joe that in order to get some important mineral for his company from an island , the natives need someone to sacrifice to their volcano to please their fire god . by a startling coincidence , the boat trip to the island takes a few months . by the time he reaches the island , he will almost be dead from the " brain cloud " anyway , so joe agrees . graynamore gives joe a credit card to buy everything he needs to go on this " great adventure " . joe goes on a date with meg ryan , his co-worker . the day before the boat trip , joe meets one of graynamore's daughters . she is also , surprise , meg ryan . except she looks more hippyish . they both have dinner and the next day , joe gets driven over to his boat . the lady that sails the boat is another one of graynamore's daughters . and , wonder of wonders , she is also played by meg ryan . as they sail to the island , meg ryan tells joe that the natives of the island have a craving for orange soda . after some stupid talking scenes , they also deduce that graynamore had his doctor be the one that joe went to . and that the " brain cloud " thing was made up ! ! they do plently of cheap special effects on the boat voyage . joe goes fishing and catches a hammerhead shark . this is a cheap gag that has been pulled off many times . but , to top it off , the shark is obviously rubber and fake ! ! one night there is a storm . a cheap-looking lightning bolt strikes the boat and everything is cast overboard . fortunately , joe and meg ryan manage to find some of the luggage that joe brought to sail . by pure luck , they get to the island . since the natives like orange soda , they wear soda cans as attire ! ! stupid or what ? ; ) before joe leaps in the volcano , he gets fed . right before he jumps , meg ryan pleads him not to . when joe decides to , she goes in with him because " she loves him " . now this is where the movie should end . but , unfortunately , the " cheesy ending " bug comes in . the volcano blows the couple out and into the ocean where they land on joe's luggage . they float to another part of the island as they watch lava pouring out of the volcano towards the villagers . i give this movie a . see it only if you're a film buff that enjoys a bad movie every now and then or if you really like tom hanks or meg ryan . . .

much ballyhoo has been made over this new version of " lolita , " made in a time when one would think that a faithful adaptation of the infamous novel could be made , over its use of pedophilia , and as such , it's important to address it straight-forwardly , before any other ideals such as goodness and themes can be discussed , as this film has been in film limbo for a number of years , lying around in vaults san a distributor , and having critics waiting to either hail it a masterpiece or call it anticlimactic horseshit . when seeing this film , after all the hoopla , keeping in mind that there are people , namely me , who are fans of the novel , who have been eagerly awaiting this flick since its creation . . . well , you just have to wonder why no one really picked it up for distribution . what's even worse is that seeing this " lolita , " especially the first time and if you're familiar with anything " lolita , " is admittingly very anticlimactic . this is a real pity because when you really sit down to watch this film , ignoring all the crap that has preceeded it , it's really quite a film , perhaps the best film by director adrian lyne ( although , really , look at its competition : " flashdance , " " fatal attraction , " and " indecent proposal " ) , at least besides " jacob's ladder . " i've seen this " lolita " twice : the first time , i wasn't so blown away . it seemed overly dramatic and surprisingly unaffecting . the second time , not really thinking about how i've waited for what seems like forever to see it and how i'm seeing it on a tv set on a premium cable channel and not a giant movie theatre , it really affected me emotionally . the story itself is a surprisingly heartbreaking one , which is why it's such a good novel , and why this is such a good film . the story of a pedophile obsessed with a young 14-year old girl named dolores a . k . a . lolita is great because it's not trash for the perverted but because it's about human obsession with things that are out of one's reach . its protagonist , the comically-named humbert humbert , is not your average pedophile , but a seriously wounded human being who embodies how we are all destroyed by our sick obsessions and idosyncrasies . the character of lolita is almost a symbol of the forbidden apple in christian mythology , something that will destroy us but that we can't live without . these ideas are all worked into this film nicely , but done in a way that is not heavy-handed at all , but instead lyrical and emotionally devastating . the focus of this film , and the reason for making it , it seems , was to really penetrate the emotional depths of the novel and bring them to life on the screen in beautifully dramatic images , and scenes which are blatantly over-stylized . the tone of the book is a comical one , but it's also a tragic one , and humbert , telling the story from his perspective , blows every single thing out of perspective . humbert exists in a fantsy world of his obsessions and desires , and this reflects the way the entire film has been designed . we get a sense that perhaps it's by doing this that humbert has really trapped himself into a fate that will ultimately leave him haggard and destroyed . he weeps uncontrollably and never lets himself get over his original 14-year-old love , and allows himself to embody her as lolita . he lets his feelings for her navigate all his decisions , and by the end , he has nothing but overly-dramatic feelings for her . the story recognizes the extreme of this , almost out of a test , seeing if the readers will really sympathize with someone who is socially deemed a pervert , and one almost wonders while reading the book if the author , vladimir nabokov , wrote the book as a means to bring into focus his own sick obsessions , and perhaps bring them to peace . the weirdest thing about this film is that by the end , when humbert has reached the finale of his obsessional journey , we can easily sympathize and even identify with him . the opening and final images of the film are the same , and who hasn't done a similar action , that is wandering about without any sense of reality or anything else but a deep sadness in us ? this is the second time the novel has been adapted for the screen , the first time being filmed in - shock - 1962 , by stanley kubrick , who couldn't possibly have brought the novel to the screen with as much faithfulness as lyne has been able to do , but did the next best thing : he economized for everything and came up with a droll black comedy about obsession in general . in that film , he used the traps of society as benefits . the studio demanded the final scene , that of a heinous murder , come first in the film so to portray humbert first as a murderer and second as a pedophile . . . and when you see it , it gives the film depth of a man trapped by obsession . the censors wouldn't allow anymore than a couple glances and subtle dialogue to show the , um , relationship between humbert and lolita , so kubrick decided to play it as comedy , but still allow the tragedy to seep through . looking at these two versions , especially after reading the novel ( and we all know that when we've read a novel and see a film adaptation , we are bound to be angered by any size differences ) , it's really impossible to compare them . they both go for different things , and one has a lot more room to be as sexually frank as the novel was . and although it's true that several scenes are similar , and are thus up for comparison , overall it's unfair to say which one is better and which one is worse . i have never been one for saying the level of greatness of a film adaptation of a novel is deemed by how faithful it is , and i won't say that here . however , this film is pretty amazing , mostly because hey , i loved the book , and this film nearly reminded me of it . it doesn't have nearly as much wit ( a couple comical scenes , and even a lot of good chuckles , but just not totally witty ) , but it does have the same emotional toll that the novel had . some of that is in the casting of the two leads . jeremy irons , with his deep , soft british voice and gentle look , is an amazing humbert . he's droll in a very unique way , and , well , no one can look distraught the way he does . he brings a wonderful sympathy to the role that goes beyond pathos and really comes up as being easy to identify with the audience . and when he looks at lolita with love , and she looks at him with lust , you know that he's her prisoner for as long as he lives . and dominique swain , who plays the title character , is rather incredible . she pulls off the tough role even better than sue lyon did in the original , wonderfully balancing the qualities of seduction , bratiness , and self-centeredness that marks the character . it's easy to see why she surrenders to humbert : she loves the attention , and knows that she can have her way with him at any time . when he denies her something , she blackmails him effortlessly ( a scene involving a rocking chair and a little foot action is damn near classic ) , and when he stands up to her , she weeps and runs away , leaving humbert to follow her . there are two other minor characters in the film , one who's a road block in the beginning , and the other who's a reappearing threat to the relationship . the former is charlotte , lolita's mother , played by melanie griffith . in the book , charlotte is a monster of a woman : overbearing , constantly scolding her child , overly-religious , and ultimately selfish . and she's the one obstacle humbert has to overcome to obtain his goal , at least in the beginning . as played by shelly winters in the original , she represented all these qualities ; as played by griffith here , she's about half of them . it's annoying to watch a film and play a game where you try to see who could have done the role way better than the one on screen without mentioning the actor who played them first . and even though griffith is not really bad , persay , she's nothing more . the other is clare quilty , the writer who is also trying to seduce lolita , and succeeds , but at a price . langella takes a totally different direction than the one peter sellars took in the original . quilty was a comic character in the original : a threat in the form of many forms , popping in states of rambling , german , proning , and eventually drunk . langella takes the other route , allowing all of the creepiness to be unearthed , and the result is a character who exists in shadows and low shots , and who meets a wonderfully ironic ending , the exact opposite of what we thought of him . as you can see , most of these are not improvements or mistakes done on the part of lyne and his screenwriter , stephen schiff , but just parts of a whole new look at the novel , at least cinema-wise . this version is beautiful , and perpetually saddening . the camera movements are stylized , and each shot is breathtakingly rich . the acting is for the most part wonderful , and when we watch it , we really get a sense that for humbert , who is telling the story , the only two people on earth most of the time were humbert and lolita . more importantly , it takes us right up the brink of emotion , then jumps right over it . by the end , with humbert sadly driving recklessly in his car , following what he says is the only part of his life he doesn't regret , we feel that we all lose to something we can never have .

in the opening shot of midnight cowboy , we see a close-up of a blank movie screen at a drive-in . we hear in the soundtrack human cries and the stomping of horses' hooves . without an image projected onto the screen , the audience unerringly identifies the familiar sound of cowboys chasing indians and can spontaneously fill in the blank screen with images of old westerns in our mind's eye . even without having seen a cowboys and indians movie , somehow the cliched images of them seem to have found their way into our mental schema . but do cowboys really exist , or are they merely hollywood images personified by john wayne and gary cooper ? exploring this theme , director john schlesinger uses the idea of the cowboy as a metaphor for the american dream , an equally cliched yet ambiguous concept . is the ease at which salvation and success can be attained in america a hallmark of its experience or an urban legend ? midnight cowboy suggests that the american dream , like image of the cowboy , is merely a myth . as joe buck migrates from place to place , he finds neither redemption nor reward in his attempt to create a life for himself , only further degeneration . during the opening credits , joe walks past an abandoned theater whose decrepit marquee reads `john wayne : the alamo . ' as joe is on the bus listening to a radio talk show , a lady on the air describes her ideal man as `gary cooper ? but he's dead . ' a troubled expression comes across joe's face , as he wonders where have all the cowboys gone . having adopted the image of a cowboy since youth , joe now finds himself deserted by the persona he tried to embody . joe's persistence in playing the act of the cowboy serves as an analogue to his american dream . he romanticizes about making it in the big city , but his dreams will desert him as he is forced to compromise his ideals for sustenance . by the end of midnight cowboy , joe buck loses everything and gains nothing . just as the audience can picture cowboys chasing indians on a blank screen , we can also conjure up scenes from pretty woman as paradigms of american redemption and success . but how realistic are these ideals ? joe had raped and been raped in texas . the scars of his troubled past prompt him to migrate to new york , but he does not know that his aspirations to be a cowboy hero will fail him there just as they had in texas . alongside the dream of success is the dream of salvation . the ability to pack up one's belongings and start anew seems to be an exclusive american convention . schlesinger provides us with strong hints as to joe's abusive and abused past with flashbacks of improper relationships with crazy anne and granny . we understand that joe adopts the fa ? ade of a cowboy , a symbol of virility and gallantry , as an attempt to neutralize his shame . he runs from his past only to be sexually defiled this time by his homosexual experiences in new york . in the scene at the diner which foreshadows joe's encounter with the gay student , joe buck spills ketchup on himself . standing up , we see the ketchup has made a red stain running from the crotch of his pants down his thigh . schlesinger visually depicts the degeneration of joe's virility by eliciting an image of bleeding genitals , signifying emasculation . beyond the symbol of castration , the scene may also connote the bleeding of a virgin's first sexual encounter , a reference to joe's first homosexual liaison . the fact that the idea of a bleeding virgin is relegated only to females furthers the imagery of joe's emasculation . it is ironic that joe has trouble prospecting for female clients , but effortlessly attracts men . joe believes his broncobuster getup is emblematic of his masculinity ; new yorkers see his ensemble as camp and `faggot stuff . ' there are two predominant images of new york . the first is that new york is the rich , cosmopolitan city where hope and opportunity are symbolized by the tall skyscrapers and the statue of liberty . the other new york is travis bickle's new york , a seedy , corruptive hell on earth . joe envisions new york as the former , but is presented with the latter . mirroring the irony in which joe envisions his cowboy attire as masculine , he mistakenly buys into the fable that new york is filled with lonely women neglected by gay men . joe thinks he is performing a great service for new york , but the city rapes him of his pride and possessions . the people steal joe's money , the landlord confiscates his luggage , and the homosexuals rob him of his dignity . what has become of joe's american dream ? schlesinger responds to this question with the scene at the party . joe gets invited to a shindig of sorts and at the gathering is exposed to a dizzying array of food , drugs , and sex . at the party , all of joe and ratzo's desires are made flesh ; joe flirts successfully with women and ratzo loads up on free salami . contrasting joe's daily struggles , shots of warhol's crew display wanton indulgence . there is an irreverence in the partygoers' attitude ; we see a shot of a woman kowtowing to nothing in particular , orgies breaking out in the periphery , and drugs passed around like party favors . the party makes a mockery of joe' s ideals . joe believed that hard work and persistence were the elements for success in america ; scenes of the party and his rendezvous with shirley suggest that it is the idle who profit from joe's toils . the american dream , schlesinger suggests , is merely a proletarian fantasy , for those who are content no longer dream , but become indolent . as joe heads to miami , all that was significant of the cowboy image has left him . his masculinity is compromised and his morality is relinquished . for joe , nothing is left of the cowboy hero and commensurately , he surrenders the identity . tossing his boots into the garbage , he returns to the bus for the last leg of his journey to miami . the final shot of midnight cowboy shows joe inside the bus , more introspective , taking only a few glances outside the window . instead of the frequent pov shots of joe excitedly looking out of the bus on his way to new york , schlesinger sets up this final shot from the exterior of the bus looking in through the window at joe . reflections of the palm trees ratzo so raved about run across the bus' window with joe hardly taking notice . the scenery of miami no longer exacts the same excitement from joe as before . the world seems smaller to joe now ; the termination of his journey coincides with the termination of his american dream . no longer does joe aspire to be the enterprising gigolo ; he resolves to return to a normal job and resign to basic means . midnight cowboy presents two familiar incarnations of the american dream . there is the frontier fantasy that if you are brave enough to repel a few indians , you can set up a ranch out west and raise a beautiful family . then there is the jay gatsby dream that a man of humble stock , with perseverance , can make a fortune in the big city . joe's attempt to realize these dreams robs him of his innocence in texas and morality in new york . during his search for an intangible paradise , joe ends up raping a girl and killing a man . an allegory of chasing the promise of the american dream , joe buck's progressive moral atrophy is a warning against the pursuit of illusory icons .

well i guess it's that time of the year again . the one time of the year where movie craftors are exonerated from the need to even * try * writing a script that has more dialogue than explosions . it's also the best time for the handful of existing bigtime hollywood mr action heroes to dust off their miniscule vocabularies , pull on their black vests and charge onto our screens tersely expirating what they hope will become memorable catchphrases . in america they call this time " summer " and it happens once every year . and maybe it's the exposure to all that nasty sun that does it , but in the process normally weak , insipid lines like " consider this a divorce , " " hasta la vista , baby , " and " you're the disease . i'm the cure " actually do end up being repeated more often then the phrases from my book of biblical proverbs . this is not entirely a bad thing , of course . what am i talking about ? i'm talking about the summer " blockbusters , " the " action thrillers , " the " this-obviously-cost-a-lot-so-you-know- everyone's-going-to-go " explosions , gas threats , flying saucers , and special effects . in the rash of " my , what big guns you have , but wait ! mine are bigger " movies , there are also the usual boy-meets-fish-and-saves-environment movies ( or whale , whatever ) , and * this * year , the odd crop of " save-the-world-from-aliens-or-environment- threats " offerings . i'm talking about the three batmans , the speeds , the terminators , etc . this year i'm talking about twister , independence day , the arrival , the rock , mission : impossible , and of course , eraser . here in singapore , as our local movie critics like to whine , we seem to get the pick of the crop of " my explosion is more real-looking than yours " movies , but nothing else . mission : impossible opened in our theatres almost as soon as it did in the us . the same goes for eraser , which is unfortunate for arnold schwarzenegger because coming so soon after what time magazine recently called " mission : unavoidable " ( on account of its worldwide mega-advertising blitz ) , eraser seems like a cheaper , less thoughtful imitation . that's saying a lot , because mi the movie was already a cheap , thoughtless imitation of its tv originator of the '60s/'70s . in eraser , arnie is a us federal marshall who relocates trial witnesses whose testimonies place their lives in danger . he does this by destroying all evidence of their present existence and re-situating them with new identities . his new case is lee cullen , played by vanessa williams who , unlike all the other scumbags he's ever relocated , is " an actual , real life honest person . " because she's so good , and has such nice legs , arnold spends the whole movie trying to protect her , and only uses the opening movie sequence to save robert pastorelli from * his * killers . lee obtains evidence that the high-technology weapons company she works for is secretly selling sophisticated , black-market arms to people with foreign accents and stringy hair . of course , as the formula goes , her revealing this information will destroy the system as we know it because heck , there are people in high places who will go down with this , because yes , this is the biggest conspiracy in the history of the world ( that is , america ) since watergate . in protecting lee , arnold is framed by the mentor-turned-evil robert deguerin , nicely played by james caan , and ends up having to prove that he isn't the one killing the programme's witnesses in addition to making sure lee isn't accidentally torpedo-ed to death by the new , green guns his enemies all have . it's around this time that people in the theatre with me starting humming the mission : impossible theme , because arnie's mission includes breaking into a high-security building to run a disk . i guess i should tell you more about the particular gun everyone in this movie is so antsy about . it's an electro-magnetic pulse gun thing which fires aluminium missiles , and which can see through walls . it has some sort of x-ray vision , so its user can target the victim's heart even from great distances . despite this , which i figure is a pretty cool feature in a gun ( though i'm certainly no expert ) , however , arnold , whose own heart is targeted a number of times , * never * goes flying 10 feet backwards with a two-foot missile through his chest like all the others who get shot by this gun . instead he outruns and outsmarts his trackers each time , giving eery and ironic resonance to that terminator line that practically made him famous : " i'll be back . " like everyone else in the theater , i left the movie feeling that the trailers had duped me , because they made me want to watch this movie voluntarily . although there is a * lot * of violence in this movie , not to mention mutilation and some bloody tussles with alligators , i recommend this movie to most over-18s who need some therapeutic mindless action to get over the weirdness of fargo or the hangover effect of leaving las vegas . review's rating system : * wait for the video . * * a little creaky , but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good , bring a friend . * * * * amazing , potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice .

the marvelous british actor derek jacobi stars in writer and director john maybury's love is the devil about the popular modern artist francis bacon . as always , jacobi's acting is impeccable , but the movie tries hard and succeeds at being unentertaining and opaque . the movie convincingly argues that francis , played by jacobi , was a completely despicable and vain individual , but it never provides any insight into his work or any motivation for his attitude . when interviewed by a fawning talk show host , francis calls his style " chance brushstrokes . " starting with a burglary of francis's flat , the film uses loud sound effects that sound like they were lifted from a cheap horror movie . the camera shots are heavy on the avant-garde angles -- lots of wide-angle close-ups and distorted shots filmed through colored-glass reflections . the director is much more interested in filmmaking style than in the substance of the story with the result being a sterile examination of a lonely and vain man . daniel craig , in a lifeless performance , plays the burglar and boxer , george dyer . when francis lays eyes on him after the break-in , francis promises not to call the police if he'll stay for sex . he stays for the entire movie but never respects the man with whom he shares a bed . he thinks that francis's paintings have " no bloody use , " and the movie presents no counterargument . writer maybury barely outlines francis's character , and george and the rest of the supporting cast remain a complete enigma . we learn little of george other than francis's reason for liking him -- george's " amorality and innocence . " francis's love of sadomasochism is shown early and often . " boxing is such a marvelous aperitif for sex , " he reflects to george on the way to watch a boxing match . as the fighter's head is sliced open with a heavy blow , the camera cuts to a gleeful francis whose own head is soaked by the flying blood . francis appears to be in complete ecstasy . another of francis's favorite activities is viewing old movies of atrocities . as the carnage mounts , we witness an orgasmically happy francis in the audience . in a film that tries obsessively to shock , one dream sequence portrays a family in a car accident . francis's mind slowly examines every bloody limb of the mother , the father , and the boy . sometimes the script throws us tidbits of francis's wisdom which illuminate little while merely sounding insightful . ( " i'm optimistic by nature . i'm optimistic about nothing . " " loneliness is my only true companion . " ) we learn more details about francis's makeup techniques than about the man himself . he prefers shoe polish for his hair and sink cleaning powder for his teeth . full of metaphorical interpretations , the film's best scene occurs late one night when george has to get up to go to the bathroom . mistaking francis's picture of a toilet for the genuine article , he urinates on it and then crawls back into bed contentedly . like a parody of a bad art house movie , love is the devil has horrid characters filmed bizarrely and confusingly by a director who is much more interested in technique than storytelling . by the end , the audience hasn't learned any more than it could have in a three-minute sketch . love is the devil runs 1 : 30 . the film is not rated but should be considered nc-17 for violence , profanity , graphic sex , nudity and sadomasochism and is unacceptable for most teenagers .

while watching " shallow grave , " i found myself periodically noticing thematic similarities to the coens' " blood simple . " both are good films in which several characters , none of whom are the most conscientious to have walked the earth but still are not really evil , indulge in an act of deception that soon necessitates more serious crimes . the body count rises , and before long seemingly normal people have blood on their hands . both films are also flawed , but for different reasons . " blood simple " is unrelentingly dark and moody , but its characterizations were a little hollow . " shallow grave , " on the other hand , is nearly flawless for an hour and twenty minutes , and then the filmmakers throw away much of what they'd accomplished for a more standard , audience-pleasing ending . the events of the film were sufficiently intense and disturbing that i honestly felt quite troubled by what i was witnessing on screen most of the time , yet there was a slight grin on my face at the end . as the film begins , we are introduced to alex ( ewan mcgregor ) , juliet ( kerry fox ) , and david ( christopher eccleston ) , a scottish trio living in an apartment in glasgow . they are all sarcastic and occasionally obnoxious , but other than that they seem like a fairly normal bunch . a man named hugo moves into the apartment's remaining vacancy , and the next morning he is found dead of a drug overdose . juliet is about to call the police when alex discovers that hugo had brought with him a suitcase filled to the brim with cash ( presumably from criminal activities ) . the three eventually decide to keep the money and cover up the death ; after a drawing of straws , the particularly unenviable task of mutilating the body so as to make it unidentifiable and burying it falls to david , who had been the most reluctant to partake in the scheme from the beginning . all of this transpires in the first twenty minutes or so of the film , and part of what makes " shallow grave " so brilliant for a while is that i honestly had no idea what was coming next . other than the obvious question of why they don't report the death and simply hide the cash , which is not addressed , the plotting and characterization , while sometimes predictable , worked in a way that kept my attention and , on more than one occasion , gave me chills . i will , therefore , attempt to continue this review in a way that doesn't give away too much of the plot . broadly , the trio are in danger due to hugo's underworld connections , as two goons search for the money and kill several people in the process . a police inspector ( ken stott ) is clearly suspicious and visits the apartment , asking pointed questions and trying to unnerve the three suspects by exchanging banal and weirdly humorous bits of dialogue with a junior detective . david , meanwhile , becomes increasingly paranoid , moves into the attic , and develops an affinity for sharp objects . director danny boyle effectively creates an atmosphere of mounting tension and suspicion in the apartment , and finally the three seem ready to turn against each other . while i do not consider myself the " happy endings are automatically stupid " type , i thought that " shallow grave " really should have ended in tragedy - a realistic analysis of the story up to the last ten minutes of the film would indicate that all three characters were probably about to end up in prison , in the mental hospital , or in the morgue . this could have been accomplished , quite credibly , but then boyle and screenwriter john hodge seem to flinch and opt for a more conventional " caper " ending in which we get a kick out of seeing who outsmarted whom , and nothing more . granted , this isn't really a " happy " ending , but it's still pretty light-hearted compared to what preceded it . i really shouldn't say anything more about the ending as far as details go , but let me add that it seemed not only shallow and lazy but also inconsistent with the rest of the film and not very believable . yes , this ending made me crack a smile for a couple of minutes , but ultimately it left me feeling as if i'd been cheated . still , " shallow grave " was brilliant most of the way through , and it does at least meet the minimum requirements for an entertaining thriller , and i am therefore awarding it three stars . i guess i just can't help but think about that fourth star that boyle and hodge let slip away .

dear god , this is a fantastically bad film ! regardless of what i say about knock off , you can't grasp its awfulness from my words . you have to see it and experience it for yourself . here's the kicker , though -- i suggest that you do so . yes , this is a bad film -- easily one of the most incompetent films of the year -- but it has a certain misguided charm that makes it a unique kind of disaster to endure . in fact , i enjoyed myself for most of its brief running time , despite the dreadful acting and a completely incomprehensible story . don't get me wrong : i'm not excusing knock off . it reaches an unacceptable level of badness ; it's so incoherent that i wonder if it was hacked up worse than the avengers was . it also features some truly terrible performances from lela rochon , michael wong , paul sorvino , and -- of course -- jean-claude van damme . it does , however , have the entertaining presence of rob schneider , and the excessively inventive and pretentious direction of tsui hark . as i watched it , i occasionally wondered if it was aware of its own awfulness . now , in retrospect , it seems clear that it wasn't , but it's still a fascinating kind of mess . i don't like writing plot descriptions ( it is , by far , the most boring part of writing a review ) , but , in this case , i'm off the hook : there is no way i could write an accurate synopsis for knock off . for the sake of comparison , i had no trouble understanding the usual suspects during my first viewing . i paid closer attention to knock off , and the only thing i am able to say about it is that van damme plays a dude named ray , and is accused by the cia ( i think ) of selling knock off products ( knock off products are , of course , products that look like name-brand materials but are generic and cheap ) . i don't know what any of this has to do with martial arts , but there are lots of martial arts in the film . ray is good at martial arts , so when he has to beat up bad guys , there's no problem . rob schneider plays his sidekick , although i had no idea who he really was by the end of the film . lela rochon is just some woman who accuses them of stuff , while paul sorvino is both the good guy and the bad guy at once ! in fact , every character goes through so many shifts from good to bad that the end provides absolutely no insight into what any of them really do . in that order , knock off is completely incoherent and makes absolutely no sense . but what a strange mess it is . it was written by stephen e . de souza , who also wrote die hard and 48 hours . can this be the same man ? i don't see how , unless , of course , huge chunks of the film have been removed for the sake of running time . knock off seems to have an interesting premise ( as far as action films go ) , but there's no semblance here . for instance , van damme is introduced , and then seconds later he's running a chariot race through the streets of hong kong . why ? who knows . what are the implications of this ? i have no idea . most action films abandon depth in favor of action , and this is normally a problem . knock off , however , is the first film that i would have preferred to see with all of the talky sequences cut . the acting is embarrassingly bad : rochon , in particular , delivers each of her lines with stiff and talentless insincerity . sorvino , in addition , deserves better than this . van damme is bad , but he's charming in that bad way , and so i can't say that he's hard to watch ( although i rarely understood what he was saying ) . the only exception is rob schneider , who is actually quite funny a lot of the time . tsui utilizes so many tricks that he makes john woo look tame by comparison . they're all pointless gimmicks though , such as shots of the inner-workings of a knock off running shoe . but his action scenes are never boring : one particular piece inside of a fruit factory ( a fruit factory ? ) is well-choreographed . lots of the scenes are pitched well to comedy , such as our heroes' first encounter with the rochon character . but did tsui know that his film is beyond ludicrous ? i hope he did , for the alternative is a frightening thought . knock off has the feel of a truly terrible exercise in camp mania . if it were boring , i'd give it zero stars . but it's not boring : it's loud and excessive and completely incoherent . it's also funny , even when it isn't meaning to be funny . a bad film that succeeds as entertainment doesn't deserve to be fully lambasted . i recognize knock off for its irrefutable badness , but i can't deny it's zany , useless charm . oh , i know , they're just action scenes looking desperately for a real story , but they're fun action scenes amongst a crowd of laughably inane concepts . it's fun to admire the awfulness of a film like this , but that doesn't excuse the fact that it is , indeed , awful .

hav plenty , as we are told in the beginning and reminded during the film , is a true story . life itself is a series of true stories , but most are not movie material . as scripted , directed , and acted by cinematic newcomer christopher scott cherot , hav plenty limps along at best . its dialog is so stilted - " you know what they say , 'no women ; no cry . ' " - that the actors are content to read the screenplay rather than invest much energy in trying to act it . in the story , lee plenty ( cherot ) is a 28-year-old author and teaching assistant . the movie , which happens mainly over the new year's holiday , consists of a series of incidents in which various single and married women try to kiss lee or take him to bed . since he consistently refuses , caroline gooden ( tammi katherine jones ) figures that he must be gay . eventually he and havilland " hav " savage ( chenoa maxwell ) get together , proving that he wasn't gay after all , just picky . sexy women can sit on his lap and ask him to go to bed with them , but he will not even kiss them . he's a man who knows his mind , which he frequently shares directly with the audience in a series of trite and overly cute monologues . filled with wealthy african-americans , the story is closest in tone to love jones , which was better . hav plenty's story doesn't go anywhere . at the end it subjects us to lee plenty's new film , which is a movie of the movie we've just seen , but with even worse acting . " remember folks that , as outrageous as this all seems , this is a true story . " hav tells the camera , but the problem is that it's not outrageous at all or even the least bit interesting . hav plenty isn't so much a bad film as it is a total waste of the audience's time . hav plenty runs 1 : 32 . it is rated r for profanity and would be fine for most teenagers .

look ! the new version of " psycho " came out and the world didn't end ! i guess gus van sant really isn't the bringer of the apocalypse ! unfortunately , though , that " psycho " didn't end the world as we know is the best thing that can be said for it . van sant's controversial " re-telling " of alfred hitchcock's classic 1960 film has polarized filmgoers everywhere ( even before it premiered . ) without benefit of an actual viewing , many have said that the film will , at best , suck . being an ( almost ) good critic , i waited until i actually saw it to decide that the film , at best , sucked ( and that concludes the use of the word " suck " and , hopefully , the thoughts that i am a brain-dead orangutan . ) director gus van sant took the original hitchcock film and refilmed it , shot-for-shot , using the same , exact script ( with a few minor alterations . ) the inherent challenge was in making the film suspenseful and scary , even though a large group of the audience will know exactly what will happen at the exact time . suspense probably could have been attained if the actors had been able to create something new or different than the original . sadly , that did not occur . it is hard to be overshadowed by vera miles and john gavin ( from the original " psycho ) , but that is what exactly happened to julianne moore and viggo mortensen . in moore's case , the film would have been helped if " the x- files " gillian anderson had been cast instead ; especially since moore goes through the entire film doing a scully impression ! from the cold demeanor and expressions to her rigid way of forming a sentence , moore is scully ! mortensen ( who i liked in " g . i . jane " ) opts to play sam loomis as a cowboy/hick , which would have been nice if he had gone past that starting point . sam has a twang and a cowboy hat , but that's about it . mortensen turns in one of the most uptight performance in recent memory . anne heche , in the janet leigh role , does a few good things in her brief time on screen . at least her marion crane has a little life in her , which can't be said for most of the rest of the cast . the best work , though , comes from vince vaughn , as the demented mama's boy , norman bates . he's not going to make anyone forget anthony perkins , but he is effective both in being naughty and nice . the best part of the film is the dinner scene heche and vaughn , where they simply talk . there is some solid acting there , something that is not carried through the rest of the film . van sant has made a boring film . all the camera tricks that hitchcock so eloquently used in 1960 aren't as eye-catching now . what passed for brilliance then has been copied so many times by so many directors that they don't impress or excite . van sant , in what i assume is a grasp at originality , decided to put some stream-of-consciousness images into a few famous scenes ( was that a lamb in the middle of the road ? ) these images , included with some questionable editing choices , took away from the scenes themselves and caused , at first , bewilderment and , later , laughter . definitely not hitchcock's intention ! at least danny elfman had the good sense to not mess with bernard herrmann's original famous and terrific score . if a film like " psycho " does not frighten , then what's the point . aside from norman , the characters are thinly drawn people who leave no connection with the audience . there are things van sant and company could have done to at least make their recreation interesting . in the end , however , the new " psycho " is a noble attempt , but , alas , a dismal failure .

" you've got mail " is the very definition of a " cute " movie . it's got cute stars , a cute story-line , and even cute pets . despite this over-whelming cuteness ( or maybe because of it ) , i loved " you've got mail " . i know , i know . i'm supposed to be a film critic . i'm not supposed to love transparent and formula pictures like this . but darn it , somewhere along the way , " you've got mail " reeled me in , hook , line , and sinker . the movie stars tom hanks and meg ryan as two somewhat unhappy new yorkers who meet in an aol online chat room and quickly become close friends , without ever knowing each others identity . as the movie progresses , though , they begin to discover that they have a lot in common with each other . meanwhile , in " real-life " , they are bitter competitors . she owns a quaint little children's bookstore , he owns one of those gigantic super-bookstores that offer impersonal service and discount prices . while his store threatens to run her store out of business , their online relationship grows stronger . " you've got mail " is as artificial as movies come . everything is nice and happy and by the end , all the characters have gotten exactly what they wanted out of life . there are no real conflicts , no major disappointments , no unresolved issues . nevertheless , i quite enjoyed it . in fact , i can't remember the last time i had such a good time at the movies . i think sometimes you have to be able to watch a movie and just get drawn into it . the fact that stars hank and ryan are at the top of their game does not hurt either . in particular , hanks is at his best here , turning his " charm-meter " up to 11 . everytime he was on screen , he had my full attention . and despite the fact that he was driving little bookstores out of business , i was rooting for him . it was good to see hanks back doing what he does best : playing the affable everyman . " you've got mail " certainly won't be winning any awards , but as an exercise in pure entertainment , it's as good as it gets .

" lake placid " marks yet another entry in the series of " predator pics " that were a screen staple in the late 1970s ( post- " jaws " ) and were revived recently by the godawful " anaconda . " " placid " claims to be a " horror/comedy " -it's directed by the same guy who did " house " -but its attempts at humor are actually less funny than deadpan seriousness of " anaconda . " paleontologist kelly scott ( bridget fonda ) is sent up to maine to examine a tooth removed from a body that had been bitten in half on the lake . discovering that the tooth belongs to a crocodile ( which shouldn't even be in this hemisphere ) , kelly goes croc-hunting with game warden jack wells ( bill pullman ) and sheriff hank keough ( brendan gleeson ) . they're joined by an unwelcome guest , hector cyr ( oliver platt ) , a scholar who worships crocs and searches all over the world for them . along the way , the merry band meets mrs . delores bickerman ( betty white ) , a weird old lady who lives out on the lake . you know what to expect from this movie : lots of shots where the camera is the eyes of the predator ( croc cam ) swimming toward someone's dangling legs while " jaws " -like music plays , one character ( hector ) who's obsessed with the croc and stupidly endangers the rest , another character who insists that the predator can't possibly exist . unlike its slippery cousin " anaconda , " " lake placid " wants to present its formulaic plot tongue-in-cheek , which is self-defeating . the result is neither scary nor funny ; it's just tedious . while director steve miner has several horror films on his resume ( including two installments of " friday the 13th " and " halloween h20 " ) , screenwriter david kelley ( best known as the creator of tv series like " ally mcbeal " and " chicago hope " ) doesn't seem to have the stomach for a chomp 'em up flick . the body count is surprisingly low and doesn't include any of the major characters , and most annoyingly kelly and hector insist that they capture the crocodile alive rather than killing it . ( " lake placid " manages to have it both ways-i'll let you discover how for yourself ) . the croc itself is mostly computer-generated , of course . like the snake in " anaconda , " the thirty-foot monster crocodile doesn't seem real ; it moves too quickly and in ways that seem unnatural . " lake placid " also offers little explanation for why a giant crocodile is in maine . there is a lot of semi-mystical mumbo jumbo about how " we really don't know much about crocodiles . " they would have been better off going with something like the urban myth about alligators in the sewers . a movie like this doesn't have to offer much of an explanation ( radioactive mutant ? creature from outer space ? ) , but it does have to give the audience something to hang their disbelief on . pullman and fonda seem to be plodding through the movie on auto-pilot . most of the time , they're probably thinking about killing their agents or wondering if making this movie marks the end of their careers . platt and white , on the other hand , seem to be giving their best efforts , and they manage to squeeze a few chuckles out of this sorry script .

mpaa : not rated ( though i feel it would likely be pg , for martial-arts violence . ) with three movies already ( re ) released theatrically in america , and at least three more on their way , jackie chan is one of the newest " hot properties " in action adventure stardom , and it's just about time . for over twenty-five years , jackie's been starring in martial arts and action movies in hong kong , thrilling audiences with both an incredible grasp of acrobatics and martial arts and a wonderful sense of comedy . " drunken master " has the distinction of being the first jackie chan movie to " make it big " --this is the movie that supposedly set jackie up for big stardom in hong kong . i'm not entirely sure why , exactly . in many ways , " drunken master " is similar to most of jackie's other early films , such as " fearless hyena " i and ii , " master with cracked fingers " , " half a loaf of kung fu " , " spiritual kung fu " , and others . in fact , looking at all these early films together , one gets the impression that they were stamped out , cookie-cutter style , at a rate of four to six per year , all using the same casts and telling very similar stories . to be honest , i think that early jackie chan movies are something of an acquired taste . they're quite different from action movies as we know them in america . these films tend to be set in the chinese countryside in an indeterminate period sometime in the distant past , with fairly slow plots that often meander far afield and sometimes seem to exist only for the intention of stringing comedy and fight scenes together . " drunken master " , though its plot is tighter than some , is no exception . ( as an aside , " drunken master " was the first jackie chan movie i ever saw , and i saw it the way it was meant to be seen . . . in a movie theater in seattle , as part of an asian film festival . at the time , i didn't really think it was anything special . . . but after having seen more films like it , it's kind of grown on me . ) " drunken master " 's storyline is very similar to that of other early jackie chan movies , such as " fearless hyena " i and ii and " master with cracked fingers " --slacker martial arts student is taught the martial arts by a harsh-seeming master , and has a big fight with an evil bad guy in the end ( a formula that has been " adapted , " to put it kindly , by american films such as karate kid ) . more specifically , jackie chan plays the part of wong fei-hong , aka " naughty panther , " a fun-loving , practical-joking kung fu student who is too good at kung fu for his own good , but not _quite_ good enough . after embarrassing his instructor's assistant by beating him roundly , then beating up a bully in a marketplace , wong fei-hong tries to hit on a pretty girl , but discovers that she , and her mother , can hit back , better than he can . . . and is further chagrinned to discover that the two women are his cousin and aunt , respectively . his father , wong kei-ying , is unhappy about this , and is further annoyed when the father and brother of the bully show up to sue for damages . kei-ying soon institutes a harsh regimen of punishment , which fei-hong does not like at all . while escaping from this punishment , fei-hong meets up with a drunken old man , who proceeds to thrash him soundly , then take him on as a student and thrash him some more . this turns out to be su hua-chi , a legendary master of drunken-style kung fu . he assigns fei-hong a series of bizarre tasks , such as filling jugs with water while hanging upside down from a frame , cracking walnuts with his hands , and other such exercises , that seem like more pointless cruelty but are actually strengthening him up . then , when he's ready , he teaches him the seven styles of drunken kung fu . unfortunately , the lazy fei-hong only practices six of them . . . " drunken master " features some wonderful martial arts sequences , with jackie winning some fights and losing others . it's been said before , but i'll say it again--these fights don't just _happen_ , they're as carefully choreographed as any ballet performance , and it shows . in his fights , jackie often makes use of objects found in his environment-- benches , jugs , cups , bowls , fruits and vegetables--often in new and surprising ways . the fight scenes , particularly those toward the end of the film , are unparallelled in most american films . whether jackie wins or loses , it's really something to see . . . and it's often as funny as anything , too . and funny is the other thing jackie chan is very , very good at . there's very little that's new in this movie--jackie winning fights , jackie getting beaten badly by a master , jackie going through punishment or training . . . these schticks have all been seen before , in any one of several dozen similar jackie movies from the seventies and early eighties . but they're still hilarious as ever . likewise , jackie has a _great_ supporting cast , many of whom were also in other early jackie films , and they're often the source of plenty of hilarity on their own . the really big thing about " drunken master " , though , that inspired several copycats ( including a couple starring jackie himself ) and a sequel fifteen years later , was the drunken-style kung fu . i'm not certain whether or not this is actually a genuine style of kung fu , but the principle behind it is to imitate the wobbly movements of a drunkard to lull the enemy into a false sense of security . . . and it apparently helps if you're drunk while you're doing it . genuine or not , i have to admit , there's just something incredibly fun about watching a fellow who looks utterly sloshed wading into a group of startled opponents and making mincemeat out of them before they even realize what's going on . come to think of it , perhaps this element is what accounts for this film's success over any of the other jackie films . . . it's not just martial arts , it's the kind of martial arts that makes you stop and go , " whoa . . . " on the negative side , the cinematography in this film is nothing special , the film stock is rather primitive , the plot is often rather slow , and the subtitles are sometimes extremely hard to read against the background . " gone with the wind " , this isn't . still , if you like martial arts films , or like what you've seen so far of jackie chan and want to see more , give it a shot . it's much more " real " than chuck norris or jean-claude van damme . you might very well like it . another interesting thing about " drunken master " has to do with its video availability in the us . " drunken master " is the only early jackie chan movie that i know of that you can find in its original , letterboxed , hong kong subtitled form , commercially available on vhs ( from magnum video , in a gold box , for about $10 ) . there are plenty of other early jackie films around , but these are typically either in dubbed , pan-and-scanned form or else import tapes priced for rental instead of purchase . thankfully , " drunken master " , at least , is available in the aspect ratio in which it was meant to be seen , at a very affordable price . if you like " drunken master " , take a look at the numerous other early jackie chan films that are out there ( even the dubbed ones aren't really _too_ bad . . . if nothing else , you can enjoy the martial arts choreography while making fun of the dialogue ) . i particularly recommend " spiritual kung fu " , " half a loaf of kung fu " , the " fearless hyena " movies , and " snake & crane arts of shaolin " . also , the mostly-unrelated-storywise sequel , " drunken master ii " , will hit theaters in american release sometime later this year ( though what its american-release title will be is still uncertain ) and comes _highly_ recommended by this reviewer . also , for a rather different interpretation of the character wong fei-hong ( who is in fact a popular figure from chinese folklore ) , i've been told to suggest the " once upon a time in china " series starring jet li ( though i haven't personally seen any of them yet ) . if you choose to watch " drunken master " , i really hope you enjoy it , and i hope it starts to open your eyes to the wonderful world of asian cinema that's out there . all in all , i give this film an .

wesley snipes is a master of selecting bad action roles . murder at 1600 , u . s . marshals , money train , drop zone , boiling point , and the ultimate camp film - passenger 57 . the art of war is another entry in this very ugly and unique category . ultimately , it is little more than a ridiculous action film with a plot as believable as the warren report , ugly violence that would have made peckinpah cringe , and terrible acting by b-list actors like michael biehn and anne archer . oddly , it feels like the undiscovered sequel to another snipes " masterpiece , " rising sun . the movie revolves around the convenient story of a special un operative caught up in a secret murder conspiracy involving a chinese ambassador , the chinese triad brotherhood , a rich chinese businessman ( played by ? that bad guy from rising sun , cary-hiroyuki tagawa ) a chinese un interpreter , and , inexplicably , donald sutherland . the film ends with more confusion than a boatload of chinese immigrants trying to register at ellis island . or should i say the film ends with the most blatant ripoff of both the matrix and all of john woo's hong kong films combined . i am really at a loss to figure out why wesley snipes had the gumption to not only star in this action dud but also act as one of the producers of the film . i usually enjoy snipes' movies - though his dramatic roles better show off his creativity as an actor than the flashiness of his action films . simply , i am amazed by the how inane the script was , filled with terrible cliches and extremely violent action sequences . director christian duguay ( screamers ) has a strange attraction to the viciousness of violent acts -- showing splattering brains , people impaled with broken shards of glass , and lots of gargling and gagging as blood sprays everywhere . it also sickens me to know that oliver stone , one of the greatest directors working today , had his hand in producing this monstrosity . i guess snipes sold stone on the conspiracy angle and stone chose not to read the script , watch the dailies , be involved in casting , or anything else -- or else he'd be filing a court order to remove his name from the credits . it's also seems evident that with the russkies as our new bosom buddies and the middle eastern terrorist angle being beaten to death in the last couple of years that the new international enemies in hollywood are the communist chinese . i'm sure over the next couple of months , even more " chinese conspiracy/martial-arts action flicks " are going to be popping up in your local multiplex . hopefully they won't include wesley snipes .

corey yuen's latest film , " hero " is notable on two fronts . first this is the film to bring back the shaw brothers studio back to the forefront of film production . secondly , the film is the re-discovery of yuen biao . the film opens around the end of the qin dynasty , when many immigrants were making their way to shanghai . poverty and crime rule most of china . a young man , ma wing jing and his brother enter the fabled city and become laborers at the pier . tam see is the most powerful gangster in town , having control of the center of the city and having an alliance with the british army . wing jing and see become friends during a confrontation . their friendship grows as both men start to realize their dreams , wing jing's to be a powerful and wealthy man , and see to settle down with a woman he can truly love . wing jing meets the singer at the club ( jessica hester ) and falls in love with her , not realizing that she is the star attraction . after stealing her picture from a display , wing jing and his brother plot to impress her . first they rob two foreigner's of their money and cloths , and set up a midnight rendezvous . unfortunately , wing jing has run afoul of a rival gangster , yeung seung who has bribed the police in an effort to gain control of see's night club . the two bothers are arrested and held until they manage to escape just before dawn . jessica , having waited outside in the cold with her manager all night , gives up and returns home . see decides to retire , he gives the night club to wing jing , as repayment for saving his life during an attempted murder . see arranges the trade and ask his lover ( valerie chow ) to take care of wing jing . unfortunately , she has sided with yeung seung . the performances in the film are all top notch , with fine turns by takeshi kaneshiro as ma wing jing and jessica hester and valerie chow . the comic turn by yuen wah , previously known as the mad vietnamese in samo hung's " eastern condors " , is a marvelous surprise . his gift for comedy is marvelously understated and hilarious . the stand-out is by yuen biao who returns to the screen after a string of disappointments , with a stellar performance . his tam see is a triad boss who knows that his time is coming to an end but still has the cunning and craft to uphold his pride . his gangster is almost non-violent , in that he only retaliates , never instigates violence . but when the time comes to fight , yuen biao has never looked better . corey yuen directs the film with a maturity and a sense of pacing that has been lacking in hong kong movies as of late . the lighting , cinematography and staging of the film are beautiful to watch . the action scenes do not disappoint either . this is the most aggressive and inventive martial art choreography i've seen in some time , actually surpassing jackie chan's work in both 'rumble in the bronx' and 'first strike' . the special effects team deserves praise for a fantastic job of making the impossible look possible . an early fight between takeshi kaneshiro and yuen biao on the back of a horse is to be seen to be believed . also noteworthy is the score for the film , done in a marvelously lush orchestral style , not representative of most hong kong fare . i would dare to say it ranks as high as the scores for both " titanic " and " rosewood " as best of the year . all in all , " hero " marks a grand return to filmmaking for shaw brothers . this is the film that gives us faith that hong kong cinema is alive and flourishing .

tommy lee jones chases an innocent victim around america who is trying to prove that she did not kill her spouse . the fugitive ? not quite ? this is the plot for double jeopardy , another fugitive copycat without the action , excitement , and good acting that the original had . there are other slight differences besides one movie being bad and the other good ; this time tommy lee jones plays a parole officer not a us marshall , clever huh ? oh and the fugitive ashley judd was framed by her own husband ( bruce greenwood ) who needed to collect two million dollars in life insurance money not a one armed man . both movies are on video . make the wise choice and pick the fugitive . there are so many flaws in double jeopardy , it is laughable . while serving time in prison , libby parsons ( judd ) discovers that she can never be charged for committing the same crime twice . learning that her husband is still alive , she decides to serve her time in prison , find him , retrieve her son , and kill her husband if necessary . when the strict parole officer travis lehman ( jones ) stands in her way , libby decides to break the rules ( who knows why ? ) and continue her plan , despite the fact that if she gets caught , she's going back to jail . director bruce beresford spends way too much time trying to convince the audience that libby misses her son . every other scene , we are given a shot of libby staring and crying at his picture . in an action movie like this , valuable time wasted on these shots takes away more opportunities for libby to get up and do something . all that is needed in this type of movie is a short scene in which libby tells herself or a friend " i miss my son . " nothing more , nothing less . dr . kimble of the fugitive didn't look at one picture of his dead wife , his primary concern was to save himself . libby at times shows this same determination but not nearly enough . ashley judd and bruce greenwood both are excellent actors but if they continue to do movies like this , they will be typecast for the rest of their careers , kind of like their doomed co-star tommy lee jones . winning an oscar for the fugitive must have convinced jones that audiences will never get tired of his i-do-my-job-whether-they-are-innocent-or-guilty roles . people still pay to see his movies and he makes plenty of money so i guess he was right . though i don't think he will win another oscar again . the ultimate mistake in the script is what eventually becomes of libby parsons . even if she was excused for disobeying her parole officer , the number of other crimes she commits while on the run are too numerous to count . burglary , assault , grand theft auto are some of libby's slipups . the message of the movie is you can break all of the small laws as long as you're innocent of the major crime . hopefully criminals won't use double jeopardy as a reference in court for why they are innocent . that would just be plain stupid .

i can't recall a previous film experience where the fairly good time i was having turned as sour as quickly as it did during feeling minnesota . for forty minutes or so , i was lured into a loopy if occasionally over-wrought romantic comedy , and i was even giving keanu reeves the benefit of the doubt . then , rather suddenly , i was clubbed over the head with a nasty bit of violence ; shortly thereafter , i was whacked in the gut by another . feeling minnesota is a film that made me feel violated , as though i had trusted writer-director steven baigelman to bring me a cool glass of water and instead he threw acid in my face . feeling minnesota tells the story of a topless dancer named freddie ( cameron diaz ) who finds herself in deep trouble when her boss red ( delroy lindo ) suspects her of stealing from him . red's punishment is to force freddie to marry his bookkeeper , sam clayton ( vincent d'onofrio ) , who is far from the man of freddie's dreams . enter jjaks ( keanu reeves ) , sam's estranged younger brother , who arrives at the wedding just in time to catch freddie's eye and have sex with her in the bathroom . united in their mutual attraction and their mutual loathing of sam , jjaks and freddie take off together , but sam isn't ready to let them go without a fight . freddie , meanwhile , isn't ready to let sam's money go without a fight , and thus begins a series of violent confrontations . there is both style and substance to the beginning of feeling minnesota , as baigelman opens with an effective montage showing jjaks and sam's intense sibling rivalry as boys , and their mother ( tuesday weld ) sending jjaks away to live with his father . it does a great job of setting up jjaks' unstable life , a life which has landed him in trouble for petty crimes and always trying to please his family ; reeves' wounded look is just right for jjaks . the wedding sequence includes a number of nice moments , most notably the aforementioned bathroom scene in which a simple question is given a very funny spin . most important , baigelman begins to establish the connection between freddie and jjaks with humor and economy , as in a scene where they both spontaneously begin singing along to the replacements' " i will dare " on the car radio . you would have every reason to expect that relationships -- both familial and romantic -- would be the focal point of feeling minnesota . unfortunately , you would be dead wrong . i suppose i should have expected daisies and valentines after an early scene in which red threatens freddie as she tries to avoid the wedding , but i certainly didn't expect what i got . what i got was yet another in a long line of recent films trying to ride the tarantino wave by mixing gags and brutality , or rather creating gags about brutality . suddenly , the story of romantic entanglements and family conflict becomes a story about a corpse , and everything which had come before degenerates so completely that virtually nothing is recognizable . the sibling rivalry not only becomes little more than an excuse for one round of beatings after another , but there is no consistency to the characterizations . vincent d'onofrio turns in a manic performance as sam , whose jealousy , competitiveness and apparent sense of inferiority seem far more in keeping with what we know about jjaks , while reeves turns into a framed hero too reminiscent of chain reaction , and both of them spend most of the second half of the film screaming and covered in blood . there are films which have managed to employ a radical shift in tone successfully ( jonathan demme's something wild and neil jordan's the crying game come to mind ) , but they didn't try to draw an audience with the promise of relatively innocuous entertainment . i don't want to dismiss baigelman's successes out of hand -- he gets a fun performance out of dan aykroyd as a crooked cop , and some well-crafted comic moments -- and it is not his fault that fine line has chosen to promote feeling minnesota as a light-hearted caper . it _is_ his fault that he violates his own characters for the sake of shock value , and that he can't make his two halves into a whole . feeling minnesota left me feeling used , and there's not much funny about that .

a sensuous romantic comedy , about as appealing as your average lightweight tv sitcom . there is no special ingredient on the menu for what is dished out , its the kind of stuff i've seen before and was made nauseous by its silly idea of love and what it thinks is funny . the film plans to exploit the beauty and sweetness of its delicious star pen ? lope cruz , who plays a brazilian chef with a magical touch for bringing out the spices in her preparations , the aromas just sensually waft from her cooking pot , but who can't get by on looks alone in this transparently predictable story . pen ? lope was wonderful in pedro almod ? var's " all about my mother , " but here she is so visible in such a stale story , where she can only smile and tease the audience by having us see a constant barrage of cleavage shots as she bends when cooking , that she somehow looks ridiculous , as if she got egg all over her face . the best you can say about her , is that she's not to blame for this picture being so off . this exploitation of sex film without even delivering nudity or sex , is in my opinion , worst than a raunchy film that delivers what it says it will . the story is all about the love , motion sickness , and cooking ability of isabella ( cruz ) , who is born in bahia , brazil and learns to cook at an early age from her parents' cook . to cure her motion sickness , her parents tried every remedy , until they went to a spiritualist who prayed to the goddess of the sea for her cure . she is able to control it now as long as she doesn't drive a car , ride elevators , follow in dancing , and is the woman on top when making love . in other words , she has to be in control of things . in her small fishing town she falls in love with a handsome macho latin waiter , toninho oliveira ( murilo ben ? cio ) and marries him . they open up a successful restaurant , where she slaves away in the kitchen but he gets all the credit for it , even though he's a loafer . one night she catches him in bed with another girl and decides to leave for san francisco . we don't see her in flight , so i can't tell how she handled her motion sickness problem -- unless she flew the plane . she visits her friend's apartment monica ( harold perrineau jr . ) , who is a cross-dresser , blending right into the san francisco scene . to cast away her love for the irresistible toninho , she calls her spiritualist friend and gets her to cast an irreversible spell , freeing her from ever loving him again . her luck changes when a local tv producer cliff ( mark feurerstein ) gets a whiff of her cooking and storms into her cooking class as if were in a spell and presents her with her own live tv cooking show . you can really write the script from here on by yourself . . . as the despondent toninho begins to realize what a good thing he had , but things continue to go bad for him : there is a curse he caused on the fishing in his village , there is no chef to replace his wife , as the restaurant is about to close for good . so he comes to san francisco , figuring he can charm her again . he brings along with him his guitar playing musicians , the ones he used when courting her , when he serenaded her under her window . he sees his wife on tv with monica as her sidekick , the yuppie tv producer chasing after her , and sees that she is no longer charmed by him . when he sneaks on her tv show set and tries to woo her with his musical group and him singing corny love songs to her , the ratings go up and he's hired as a regular on the show . the show gets so big , that the network honchos come onboard , taking it national . but they want to change the ethnic flavor of the show , get rid of monica because he's a freak , have isabella cook with tabasco instead of the brazilian peppers she uses , and they change her ethnic dresses to low-cut vanna white type of sexy dresses . cliff , her would-be boyfriend , acts creepy and sides with the network big-shots , even though he loved everything she did . these tv scenes were not only bad stereotype scenes of tv honchos , they were revolting . it was an insult to one's intelligence . i'm sure that i'm not spoiling the ending for anyone , when i tell you that toninho reforms his macho ways and together they cook up a meal that breaks her spell of loving him again . if the film wasn't terrible enough , monica and cliff act on their attraction for each other and become lovers . it was so awkwardly done , that it had no sense of truth or humor to it . this film might as well have been made by the same network guys featured in this film , because it doesn't look or feel like an almod ? var film , the type of film it aspired to be , but more like a film that was interferred with from above . its more like a futile commercial film that is more annoying than charming and more dull than chic , as it searches for box office heaven .

" easely one of the worst films of the year . . " with the millenium just around the corner , hollywood is playing with our insecurities concerning the biggest event of this century . this time it is arnold schwartzenegger against the powers of evil . the result is somewhat predictable . i didn't have high hopes about arnold's " much anticipated " return to the big screen . schwarzenegger fans will probably be pleased , action lovers won't be bored , and the catholic league will be angry . everyone else will see 'end of days' for what it is : a deliciously bad motion picture . think of it as hollywood's own y2k bug . did you know that if you turn the three diabolical numbers 666 you'll get 999 , as in 1999 ? yes , you better believe it . . satan is here on earth , working on his latest project -- the end of days . this time it is gabriel burne who gets the privilege to play lucifer and , although not al pacino , he is fun to behold . he coolly strolls through manhattan in the borrowed body of an investment banker , wreaking , as they say , havoc . the way it works is he smirks and something explodes . before the stroke of the new millennium he's got to find and impregnate a certain woman in order to climb out from under a heavenly curse as spelled out in the book of revelations . only schwarzenegger's cop attached to an anti-terrorist unit can stop him . films like this has one serious weakness -- logic . no matter how you twist the " plot " , you'll find it incredibly stupid ( even for a schwartzenegger movie ! ) . the incredible fact is that such directors never learn . after thousands of headless productions , this theme has become one big clich ? . here the devil looks more like a sex addicted maniac that has just got out of a mental institution . he is walking around n . y . , blowing everything up and killing everyone that gets in a 5 meter radius . all he wants is the girl , that is somehow special . but schwartzenegger is more clever than he looks , he has hidden her in a church , where satan dare not enter . so the evil one is forced to seduce the good cop in order to get the valuable information : " you can have your wife and daughter back . . i can give you happiness that you can only dream of . . just give me the address . . " indeed with a script like that , you could make a wonderful parody , but unfortunately the director is taking this subject very seriously , attempting to create a provoking an dramatic thriller . and for you who have awaited arnold swartzenegger's comeback , will not be very satisfied . we've not seen him in a while . that's because he didn't have a worthy opponent . he has battled nuclear terrorists on earth and power mad conspirators on mars . he has taken on alien predators in the darkest reaches of the jungle and morphing cyberkillers that seemingly nothing can stop . so , after all those fights , what's left for arnold schwarzenegger ? how about satan ? in my opinion , he has never quite overcome his first role as the deadly robot in cameron's " terminator " . and that is schwartzenegger's strength -- muscles and no emotions . here he tries to achieve an artistic level , moving towards the oscar . this is called " an adult turn " if successful and " a flop " if unsuccessful . make a wild guess ! his character has lost his wife and daughter and has serious drinking problems . this requires at least some acting skills . regrettably , the only thing convincing about old arnold is his muscles . the rest of the cast are struggling with their so called characters . the movie is otherwise technically impressive , with a solid cinematography and fine lighting . but the movie doesn't serve neither as a serious thriller ( because of its stupidity ) nor as comic entertainment ( because of its serious tone ) . the only real comic relief in this film is when swartzenegger tries to cry . the action sequences are all recycled and the effects are everything but spectacular . so i really have a hard time recommending this film to somebody . unless you are a die-hard schwartzenegger fan , stay away . as for schwarzenegger , he'll be back .

it was easy to fear the worst . begin with a classic 1960's television series , add a big budget and an a-list star in the lead role , and stir . script , you ask ? who needs one , kid . . . we've got ourselves a formula . that was my fear : a bloated monster without any sense of direction . then , much to my amazement , everything that could possibly go wrong . . . didn't . the fugitive is as lean , taut and tense as anything the action genre has produced in the last several years . under the direction of andrew davis ( 1992's under siege ) , the fugitive grips you by the throat from the outset and never lets go . expect box office to go through the roof , deservedly , and expect an academy award nomination for tommy lee jones . the premise is a simple one . dr . richard kimble ( harrison ford ) is wrongly convicted for the murder of his wife after struggling with the real killer , a man with an artificial arm . after an escape attempt by some other prisoners during a transfer goes awry , kimble finds himself on the run . his one goal : to find the one-armed man ( andreas katsulas ) before u . s . marshall sam gerard ( tommy lee jones ) finds him . where the fugitive surprises the most is the script , by jeb stuart and david twohy . in a genre where one is almost always asked to allow leaps of logic , the script repeatedly astonished me with its intelligence , its attention to detail and its respect for the audience . in an early sequence , kimble sneaks into a hospital to shave of his beard , slick back his hair and change into a lab coat . on his way out , a police officer jokingly tells the man he doesn't know is kimble to zip up his pants . it's a small moment , but it punches home the urgency of kimble's situation , and exactly what a man concerned about not being recognized might easily forget . later , while trying to lose himself in a parade , kimble thinks to drop his overcoat , the most likely way he'd be recognized from behind . it's these details which convince us that when a colleague of kimble's tells gerard that he's too smart to be caught , he may just be right . credit must also be given to the special effects and stunt coordinators . the bus crash which allows kimble's escape is a spectacular sequence , as is a leap from a dam into the water below . the action is crisp and brutal , and never romanticized . special kudos go to director davis for maintaining a relentless pace which underscores the single-mindedness of the two leads . and what a pair of performances those leads are . tommy lee jones is nothing short of brilliant as gerard , because he manages an incredibly challenging feat . for the first third of the film , there is really no * villain * per se ; kimble is on the run , and gerard is out to find him . it would have been very easy to turn gerard into a malevolent , vindictive inspector javert , but that never happens . instead jones plays him as a sharp , committed man who's just doing his job , so that when he responds to kimble's comment , " i didn't kill my wife , " with a matter-of-fact , " i don't care , " we know exactly what he means . it's not his job to determine guilt or innocence . it's his job to bring in a fugitive . this is a well- written character played with relish by an actor at the top of his form . the only unfortunate thing about jones' stunning turn is that it's likely to overshadow harrison ford , and that's a shame . for his entire career , ford has been underappreciated as an actor due to his pigeonholing as an action hero . however , he does a fine job with the less flashy part of kimble , always keeping at the forefront the advantage this man has because of his intelligence . the fugitive could only work to its fullest if the two protagonists always seemed to be on equal footing , and ford is up to the task . this summer has been loaded with action/suspense films , and most of them have been doing brisk business . however , it's time for clint , sean , and various dinosaurs to step aside . the chase is on . my advice is to catch it .

carry on matron is the last great carry-on film in my opinion . made in 1972 , it still features most of the regulars of this genre . sid james plays the head of a gang of crooks intent on stealing contraceptive pills from the local maternity hospital and selling them off to make a profit , kenneth williams is sir bernard cutting , head of the hospital but also a hypochondriac , hattie jacques re-takes her role as matron , and charles hawtrey is the psychiatrist dr . goode . the jokes come in fast and so do the laughs , with humorous antics between the matron and sir bernard . this time , williams is after matron ( jacques ) when he needs to prove himself that he is a man after visiting dr . goode . the doctor ( hawtrey ) is sworn to secrecy : - " i assure you , that anything you say to me today will go in one ear and straight out of the other ! " bernard thinks he is having a sex change and needs to prove himself . there are great cameos from joan sims , an expectant mother who is many weeks overdue and is eating constantly in every scene , and from kenneth connor as the expectant father who still thinks he's at work ( at the railway station ) . sid james' gang including cyril his son ( kenneth cope ) try to find out where the pills are by getting cyril to dress up as a nurse and live in at the nurses home . he has to share a room with nurse ball ( barbara windsor ) and she soon sees through him ! the film ends with the attempted robbery of the hospital's pills with panic ensuing . there are good performances by hattie jacques as the matron , however her character seems a little more subdued and quieter than her previous 'matron's' . williams is , as usual , on top form , but sid james isn't given a very good part in this movie and i would forgive anyone to forget that he was in the movie at all . the same does not go for charles hawtrey , for although he only first appears in the movie after 30 minutes gone and has scarce screen time , he seems to steal every scene he is in . by not making use of sid james and barbara windsor's talent to full effect , the film seems to flounder , but it certainly makes up for it with it's good storyline and it's other appealing characters . this film is genuinely funny and i could watch it again and again and not get bored !

it has been 20 years since a terrence malick film hit theaters . his new film , the thin red line , is a strange , beautiful , enigmatic mess of a movie . the first thing that jumps out to one when they see the advertisements for this film is the huge cast . it is filled with above-the-title stars . the cast , for the most part , gives great performances . john travolta , whose role is nothing more than a cameo , seems not to have attacked his performance with that much verve . george clooney , whose role became a cameo in editing , gives a strange performance . one wonders if he knew that his performance would become the object of ridicule through a character's narration . the rest of the cast , especially nick nolte and elias koteas , are unambiguously fantastic . these actors ( and they are , with two exceptions , men ) were lured by the name of malick . terrence malick is a cinematic legend . he has often been called " the j . d . salinger of cinema . " his two previous films , badlands and days of heaven , are spectacularly beautiful and obscure motion pictures . after he made them , he disappeared for 20 years . this film marks his return . what he's made with the thin red line is a film that seems less concerned with plot than with the emotion of the moment . the narration which fills the film ( and perplexes many ) not only lets us hear the narrators ( the characters themselves ) pontificate , but also lets us hear such of-the-moment thoughts as " i'm scared . " the rather simple plot of the thin red line is used as a canvas on which many stories are painted . the plot couldly simply be boiled down to an assault on a hill . a plot synopsis for the thin red line is difficult , because the story is fractured . many stories are here , from the clash between the lieutenant ( elias koteas ) and the savage colonel ( a voracious nick nolte ) to the private ( ben chaplin ) who uses his love for the woman he left behind to keep him going . the fracturing of the story is ultimately a fault . it is as if an artist spent an incredible amount of time artfully sculpting tiny statues and then threw them into a box , shook the box , and poured the results onto a table . this basically creates a mess , but the stories can be discerned and enjoyed . i'm not declaring that the film has no structure . while saving private ryan used warfare to bookend the plot , malick uses reflection and glorious shots of nature to bookend about 90 minutes of combat . the battles in the thin red line are astonishing and display a mastery of filmmaking . the astounding cinematography in this film must also be given notice . this film uses color and light in such a fantastic way , that it will be sad to see it degraded when it has to bee transferred to video . ultimately , malick has crafted a film that is a movie that enjoys looking through the treetops more than regarding the war that rages below them . the film is filled with nature photography and the regarding of nature . while some have said that the anti-war message and pro-nature tubthumping was juvenile , it was done with so much complexity and thought , that it cannot ever honestly be called childish . after seeing the thin red line , i was haunted by it and am quite ready to see it again .

first troy beyer wrote the critically panned " b . a . p . s . " now she makes her directorial debut , writing , directing , and starring in this sub-par film about women talking about sex . though not without redeeming qualities , this film is bad . the basic story follows three single friends -- jazz ( beyer ) , lena ( randi ingerman ) , and michelle ( paget brewster ) -- in their search for love . jazz has an idea for a local talk show ; it would feature women talking about sex and dating . she and her friends make a demo tape of interviews with the women of miami . the film itself is sprinkled with these real interviews throughout , both as part of the plot and as commentary on the situations of the main characters . the fact that they are real provides a refreshing break from some of the more melodramatic moments in the film . there are several moments of bad acting , corny dialogue , and emotional overextension . in a low-budget independent film from a first-time director , these faults can sometimes be forgiven , if the screenplay is fresh and solid . that is not the case here . the script suffers from random plot developments . there are four or five of these turns in the plot , each one raising the question " where did that come from ? " at one point , a character has a lifelong reconciliation with her mother . we are supposed to be moved , but since the scene is completely un-led-up to , we really don't care if she and her mother get along . we've never seen her mother before . we never see her again . who cares ? what's worse , these sudden developments are supposed to engage our sympathy . at another point , a character announces that she can't have children . apparently , this is devastating . we wouldn't know this because she never talked about having kids before , but we are nevertheless expected to be devastated for her . the scene feels like an afterthought , its emotion manipulative and shallow . these scenes grow worse and worse , culminating in an absurd climax . two scenes were played with such overwhelming melodrama that i found myself laughing . one scene is a lover's spat between two minor characters . the other has the main characters expressing their copious grief by cleaning house in wails of despair and clouds of ajax . thinking on these scenes , it is hard for me to admit that the film has redeeming qualities . but it does . first , it is original . we men often wonder what women talk about when they are alone in groups , and i imagine this film gives me a pretty good idea . it's something i don't think has been the subject of a film . second , the interviews of the miami women are sincere . taken together , they form a mosaic picture of miami beachwalkers and bistro diners . the mosaic is made of sound bites and stereotypes , but each tile is some woman's real experience . neither the picture of women , nor their picture of men , is truly representative , but the point is that both sets of generalizations are telling in their own way . at some level , the stereotypes that emerge can be called true . i can imagine some people liking this film when its characters talk about their " likes , dislikes , skills , and thrills , " but on the whole , it's pretty bad . and that makes it even harder to forgive the bad acting , corny dialogue , and emotional overextension . i'll give beyer one more strike , and then she's out . rated r ( almost got an nc-17 ) for explicit sexual dialogue and nudity .

the blues brothers was a wonderful film , a hilarious comedy packed with good music . it cried out for a sequel , but john belushi's untimely death seemed to eliminate the idea . however , eighteen years have passed , and the long dormant sequel has finally emerged . unfortunately , it's a sequel not worthy of the original . the film starts exactly eighteen years after the first one ended . elwood blues ( dan aykroyd ) is just getting out of jail , his brother jake having recently died . as in the first film , he first visits mother mary stigmata ( kathleen freeman ) and then sets about getting the band back together . john belushi's absence leaves a terrible hole in the film , and although three new characters are created to fill the void , it is still very noticeable . first , there's cabel ( joe morton ) the illegitimate son of elwood's stepfather ( played by cab calloway in the first movie ) . cabel is reluctant to join his destiny , and spends most of the movie as an illinois sheriff , chasing the blues brothers band . next , there's mighty mack ( john goodman ) , a bartender who becomes the new lead singer of the band . finally , there's buster ( j . evan bonifant ) , a ten year old orphan who tags along with elwood and eventually joins the band . the plotting of the film is hardly original . . . it seems to be almost a clone of the original . elwood has to go to reluctantly retrieve each member of the band , they then travel , while being pursued by the police , and perform at several odd stops until they finally reach the big concert finale . the first film had neo-nazis as the random element , this time around , the russian mafia and a militia group fill their role . in fact , the duplication of the plot is so ridiculously complete that certain scenes are practically identical to the original . remember the classic performance at country bob's ( where they like both types of music : country and western ) from the first movie ? well , this movie has a performance at a country fair , where the band is expected to play bluegrass music . there's the massive police car pileup , although this time the gag falls completely flat . there's even an exact replica of the conversion scene in the church of reverend cleophus ( james brown ) . there are plenty of recurring characters too . in addition to mother stigmata and reverend cleophus , aretha franklin reprises her role as mrs . murphy . frank oz , a prison guard in the first film , makes an appearance here as the prison warden . as the stars , the new blues brothers don't live up to their legacy . aykroyd is more loquacious , yet much flatter as elwood . john goodman barely has a character as mighty mack . joe morton has the deepest character , but not a terribly interesting one , as cab . and what's the deal with the orphan ? it plays like a desperate gimmick that doesn't mesh at all with the rest of the film . at least bonifant isn't as precocious as he could have been in the role . but the true star , and the only saving grace , of the film is the music . and the film is packed with it ( even during and after the ending credits ) . although there are no brilliant mergers of comedy and song as in the original's rawhide/stand by your man medley , the music is very much enjoyable . to top it off , the film is packed to the gills with cameo musician appearances . b . b . king , blues traveler , eric clapton , travis tritt , wilson pickett , erykah badu , bo diddley and steve winwood are just a sampling of the multitude of stars that make an appearance here and there . unfortunately , the music pauses here and there to allow in the familiar plot . if simply copying the original blues brothers wasn't bad enough , writers aykroyd and john landis dumb it down , removing any memorable characters , and replacing them with flashy , but unbelievable , magical gimmicks . it's a shame . buy the soundtrack and avoid the film . better yet , rewatch the original . . . you'll have a much better time .

one-sided " doom and gloom " documentary about the possible annihilation of the human race as foretold by the bible . orson welles narrates and appears in the film in which he , along with best-selling author hal lindsey , discusses various prophecies from the bible and relates them to recent ( well for 1976 anyway ) events . the film is dated badly , as many things that are supposed to happen in the " future " never do . for example , the planets of the solar system were supposed to line up in the year 1982 and cause chaos here on earth . we're still here . the arms race between the soviets and america was supposed to kick-off the apocalypse . we're still here . some of the more ludicrous moments come when it's alluded to that people like jimmy carter and henry kissinger may actually be the antichrist ( ! ) . also , there's ten minutes of stock footage at the end of the film meant to give us an idea of what the battle for armageddon might be like . if it's anything like it's depicted as here then it's going to be incredibly boring . the late great planet earth is available on dvd from vci home video . it contains the film in standard form ( aspect ratio of 1 . 33 : 1 ) , although some moments of stock footage are letterboxed . also included are brief bios on orson welles and hal lindsey , as well as a trailer for another recent vci home video release , chariots of the gods . audio is mono dolby digital , and the video is fair to good for a film like this . i believe this is the first appearance of this film on any home video format so any condition at all is fine with me . certainly i never expected a remastered print . curiously , the menu screens on this dvd look nothing like the menu screens pictured on the back of the case . but they're menu screens . . . so who really cares ? [pg]

one of the most popular subplots in the entire science fiction genre is time travel . that concept , although many purists doubt its scientific credentials , spawned many interesting novels , comic books and films in the last century . however , the big grand-daddy of time travels , h . g . wells' novel the time machine , wasn't written with the intention to speculate about that concept or its consequences . the author , h . g . wells merely used it as a convenient way to express his socialist views and condemn the great social gap between the rich , idle capitalist class and impoverished labour . whatever intentions wells had , the future generations of readers were less impressed by his political messages . instead they were fascinated by the idea that the strange new worlds could be explored without traveling trough space . the novel became one of great classics of science fiction genre and it natural for filmmakers to use it as inspiration . first of them was george pal , who in 1960 directed film which would , through the years , become genre classic of its own . the plot revolves about george ( rod taylor ) , victorian scientist who discovered the way to travel through the fourth dimension - time . at the eve of the new 20th century , george gathers his friends in order to present them his invention - machine that would enable him to travel through time . they are skeptical , but that doesn't prevent george from carrying out his plan and traveling into the future . at first , he travels slowly , seeing london as it changes through the years and three world wars . finally , after witnessing world war three , he travels far into the future , hoping that he would cease to witness wars and senseless destructions . when he finally reaches year 802 , 701 ad , at first glance , new world looks like utopia - humanity consists of young , beautiful , but idle eloi , people who are fed , clothed and taken care of by unseen machines . but , weena ( yvette mimieux ) , eloi woman , tells george about another side of the coin - in the night , her people is preyed upon by morlocs , humanoid creatures from the underworld . the time machine became the cinematic classic for the very same reason the novel became the classic in science fiction literature - the fantastic concept was a brilliant way for the authors to talk about burning issues and fears of their respective times . for h . g . wells it was frightening threat of class struggle ; for george pal and his screenwriter david duncan , who produced the film in the worst days of the cold war , it was the constant and more imminent threat of nuclear holocaust , underlined with the negative references to war throughout the movie . even the modern audience , which would be tempted to discard the film as old-fashioned , could find some values in its universal messages , fit for each era . compared with the genre films of today , the time machine is even better , and could serve as a good example how to make intelligent , thought-provoking films . of course , since this is hollywood product after all , the time machine delivers such concepts in the form of classic adventure , sometimes sacrificing plausibility for the sake of attractiveness . for example , it is hard to imagine that someone would be able to understand perfect english million years in future ; same is with morlocs degenerating into mutant monsters , while eloi remain undistinguished from the people of today . some of the final scenes , that turn victorian scientist into an action superhero , are also rather unconvincing . but , on the other hand , the film is very well directed , cleverly paced and the special effects , although definitely old-fashioned , are more than adequate for this kind of picture . the acting is good , with rod taylor in one of his most remembered roles , while in the same time alan young brings rather memorable performance as george's trusted friend filby . yvette mimieux , who plays weena , on the other hand , would be remembered more by her looks than by the complexity of her role . however , despite all those flaws , the time machine is a very good piece of cinema , something that connoisseurs of quality science-fiction films sorely miss these days .

capsule : an insult . a stupid and incompetent movie that doesn't even have the benefit of being trashily enjoyable . weslely and woody would do well to leave this off their resumes . money train is one of the worst movies i have ever seen . it's not simply idiotic , it's contemptuous of its audience . it tries to make us swallow things that a better movie would be stopped cold by or just plain omit entirely . it's a waste of wesley snipes and woody harrelson , who are enjoyable actors in their own rights but are nauseating here . it's not even fun as trash . woody and wesley star ( maybe that's not the right word ) as new york city transit authority police . they have a job which could actually be the core of a really interesting movie : one of them plays drunk possum to attract chain-snatchers and the other does lookout . i had a whole headful of legal and ethical questions surrounding this , raised by a documentary i'd seen on the subject once , but the movie does not waste any time with being intelligent or thought-provoking . see if you can follow this . they chase a kid down the tunnel and into the station where the " money train " , the heavily armored car that picks up all the cash from the token books , is parked . the guards on the train see this kid running at them , lift their machine guns , shout " halt ! " and then open fire when the kid doesn't stop running at them . blam , the kid's dead . then woody and wesley show up , and of course the other ta cops hate them ( why ? ) , and a pushing match starts , and someone gets decked , and . . . i covered my face . i'd seen enough . i've never seen a movie work so hard and in so little time to destroy , systematically , any chance of being credible or interesting . fed up with the bs at their job ( most of it their own goddamned fault ) , woody and wesley hatch this plot about how to rob the money train . hence the title , in case some of you ( all two of you ) didn't figure it out yet . then there's this subplot about a maniac who torches token book clerks , * and * a love story , * and * a holdup -- no , two holdups , sorry , easy to lose track in a movie this braindead -- * and * a mob boss who wants his money . there wasn't a minute when i gave a horse's ass about any of it . neither woody nor wesley play characters that are interesting for a single minute . we do not care about them . they are not interesting . they are noisy , loud , stupid , foolish jerks who whould have flunked out of the police academy . they deserve to get shot -- or run over , as the case may be . they only exist to rehash the kind of dynamics that was * written * into a movie like white men can't jump , and which simply does not exist here . they are idiots , and we're expected to root for them . bullcrap . the movie is completely schizophrenic in its tone and texture . what exactly is this mess ? a cop movie ? police procedure is not given a moment's genuine thought anywhere . a thriller ? the subplot with the token booth killer is inept , a throwaway that should have been ditched in the rewrite . a comedy ? the few jokes that do work are wasted . a drama ? all dramatic tension between both principals is freeze-dried and off-the-rack . there's not a moment in the movie where i felt like i was listening to genuine human beings talk ; it's all screenwriterese , that bizarre analect where every sentence ends in a punchline and the primary mode of expression is the unique conjunctions of four-letter words . ( actual dialogue excerpt : " fuck you . " " what ? " " you heard me : fuck * you * . " " no : fuck * you * ! " ) look . i'll be honest here . i've tried writing screenplays , and even * i * suspect that if i tried to pitch this mess , i'd get laughed out of the office . anyone interested in hearing my ideas for a few good movies can write me and hear my pitch , because god knows i know i can do better . i've weasted enough time on this piece of tripe .

every year , hollywood crowns a new " it boy " --a young actor pegged for major movie stardom . inheriting the mantle from last year's " winner , " matthew mcconaughey , is matt damon , and , like mcconaughey , he proves to be more than just a fresh young face , as evidenced in two radically different projects currently in release--john grisham's the rainmaker and good will hunting . damon has his first major starring role , a la mcconaughey , in a john grisham adaptation--in this case , francis ford coppola's take on the rainmaker . damon plays wet-behind-the-ears attorney rudy baylor , who , immediately after passing the bar exam , finds himself representing the mother ( mary kay place ) of a terminally ill young man ( john whitworth ) in a big-league suit against a negligent insurance company . while rudy's ( and the film's ) main concern is this case , he also finds time to protect a young wife ( claire danes ) from her abusive husband ( melrose placer andrew shue , in a mercifully brief role ) . written for the screen and directed by coppola , the rainmaker is the best grisham film yet mostly because it does not take itself too seriously . coppola's most notable--and effective--contribution to the tried-and-true grisham formula is a sense of humor about itself , which largely comes in the presence of danny devito ( as rudy's unlicensed co-counsel ) and golden globe nominee jon voight ( as the insurance company's hotshot attorney ) . the inclusion of the battered wife subplot feels rather superfluous , but danes is as superb as always . then , of course , there is damon , who nicely juggles the weighty ( the insurance case , the spousal abuse ) and the humorous ( rudy's often comical naivete ) requirements of his role without missing a beat . as good as he is in the rainmaker , damon showcases the depth of his talent in good will hunting , directed by gus van sant and written by actor ben affleck and damon himself . damon plays the title character , will hunting , a troubled young construction worker/janitor at mit who also happens to be a supergenius . in an attempt to steer this brilliant young mind in the right direction , an mit math professor ( stellan skarsgard ) taps his old college friend , community college psychologist sean mcguire ( robin williams ) , to counsel the abrasive , standoffish will and try to help him come to terms with his turbulent life . good will hunting is the touchy-feely enterprise its plot synopsis suggests , but to simply dismiss it as that would be to discount the true emotional chords affleck and damon's intelligent script touches . even though no one ( and , if so , _very_ few people ) can directly relate to will's burden of superhuman intelligence , the insecurities he suffers are universal . the material is brought to life by the terrific ensemble of actors . williams delivers a nice dramatic turn ; affleck , a hot up-and-coming actor himself ( chasing amy ) , turns up in a warm and charming performance as will's best friend ; and the ever-appealing minnie driver shines as will's harvard-schooled love interest . the clear standout in the cast , though , is damon , who bravely does not soften will's prickly nature but has such a natural ease with the audience that it is hard _not_ to care for him . so many names come and go with the fluctuations of the hollywood hype machine , but based on his impressive work in john grisham's the rainmaker and especially good will hunting , it is a safe bet that matt damon is one name we will be hearing a lot more of in the years to come .

instinct is the kind of movie that inexperienced moviegoers will undoubtedly label as " powerful " or " touching " . i have a name for it myself : " gross " . this is the sort of film where somebody stands up to a bully , the bully looks at the " rebel " threateningly , about to hurt him , and then everyone else whom the bully has heretofore controlled stands up too . how that scene is still present in so many movies today appalls me : aren't present day moviegoers beyond being " inspired " by something like that ? this is one example ( there are actually some more in instinct alone ) of filmmakers insulting the audience's intelligence . instinct's plot is brimming with potential : world-renowned anthropologist ethan powell ( anthony hopkins ) disappeared for two years whilst doing research in the jungles of africa . he was found and is coming back to the united states a convicted killer ; he murdered to african policemen who were allegedly trying to capture him . after committing a few more brutal acts of violence in the airport , the authorities stick him in a prison's " psychotics ward " . assigned to do an evaluation on powell is a bright ( or so we are told ) young psychiatrist theo caulder ( cuba gooding jr . ) . caulder starts out doing the evaluation merely for the purpose of furthering his career . of course ( and no mainstream filmmaker would ever have it any other way ) he starts really caring for powell and he becomes fixed on helping powell prove that he is not a psychotic and that he should not be in prison . and then there's the inevitable " heartless meanie " character , in the form of donald sutherland who plays caulder's mentor . he cares for caulder but does everything he can to discourage him from helping powell . let's get one thing straight : dr . theo caulder is the most blatantly incompetent psychiatrist i have ever seen , on screen or off . any good shrink will listen to what his patient has to say no matter the subject because any good shrink will learn a great deal about his patient that way . not good old theo . no , he asks purposefully pointed questions and when powell dares to venture to another subject caulder says " we need to talk about this right now . " this is a flaw only in the sense that it detracts from instinct's already dubious credibility ; unfortunately it's also the least of its problems . director jon turteltaub , who made the delightful john travolta vehicle phenomenon as well as the surprisingly above-par cool runnings decided to make this movie so shamelessly sentimental that , contrary to what this movie's promotion would have you believe , it has much more in common with patch adams than with the silence of the lambs . it's not the kind of sentimentality that can almost bring tears to your eyes ( what dreams may come aptly demonstrated that ) but the kind that brings vomit up your esophagus ( excuse the graphic depiction ) . it aims to " inspire " rather than to touch hearts . as yoda would say , inspire it does not . it is the ultimate sign of futility when a screenwriter ( the very experienced gerald di pego ) has to resort to literally telling the audience a movie's story . indeed , somewhere in the beginning of instinct , one of the characters actually reads aloud the film's plot to another character . this , like the instance i mentioned in the first paragraph of this review , is a horrid insult to our intelligence . i am forced to wonder whether turteltaub and di pego did not think that we could figure out what instinct is about simply from regular conversation . i think that anthony hopkins is one of the greatest screen actors , and he chews the scenery in this movie , brilliant as ever . oscar winner cuba gooding jr . on the other hand is dreadful . his performance is at least part of what makes his character seem so incapable of being a shrink . i liked the guy in jerry maguire as well as in as good as it gets but here he fails to project any shred of credibility or real feeling . i love animals , and instinct's prominent save the gorillas/live in harmony with nature theme is certainly something i could sympathize with . however this movie's execution is completely unacceptable . tone down the violence and this will be a chick flick . ? 1999 eugene novikov

being that it is a foreign language film with no known names with a select number theaters showing it , " shall we dance " won't be seen by that many people . and that's a shame - this is a funny , enchanting , and goofy movie full of laughs , surprises , and wonderful dance sequences . the surprising thing about " shall we dance " is the universal appeal of the story . a us version is in the works , and it's no wonder - it's not really all that culture specific . although there is a narrated set-up that adds some extra resonance to the proceedings ( about the view the japanese culture has about ballroom dancing ) , the movie is so rich in character and appeal that this added layer isn't at all necessary to understand or enjoy the film . the only important unexplained japanese-specific reference that may leave some a bit puzzled is that 1000 yen is roughly $10 ( when you see the film - and you should see this film - you'll know why ) . a middle aged company man realizes that achieving all the goals he set for himself in life ( a house , a child , and good marriage ) still doesn't translate into a fulfilled life . after glimpsing a melancholy beauty looking out from a dance studio window while on the train home from work , sugiyana ( koji yakusho ) decides after some trepidation to take up ballroom dance lessons in order to meet the woman who has stirred something in himself . after finding the weekly fees for private lessons from the elegant and beautiful mai ( tamiyo kusakari ) too rich for his blood , sugiyama opts for groups lessons simply to be near her . we then meet the players in this gem of a movie , who all have their own reasons for joining the class . later on , we meet aoki at the dance studio ( naoto takenaka ) , a co-worker and all out weirdo and one of the laugh riot highlights of the film . the story , laughs , and touching scenes evolve as the movie goes along . it's a pleasure to watch such a wonderful film that is propelled almost solely by the characters and performances . it's difficult to explain the charms of the film without revealing too much - the movie abounds with little revelations that subtly shape the characters , and in the end , each one is that much fuller and more understood by the time you leave the theater . it's one of those movies that only the french seem to make anymore - no big plot , no special effects , no gunplay , no tragic consequences , no forced examinations of the nature of love , and no insights into the nature of evil . just a warm , funny , endearing film that will charm the pants off of you . when was the last time you left a theater feeling all warm and fuzzy inside ? " shall we dance " will do that to you without any treacly aftertaste .

capsule : side-splitting comedy that follows its own merciless logic almost through to the end . . . but not without providing a good deal of genuine laughs . most comedies these days have one flaw . they're not funny . they think they're funny , but they are devoid of anything really penetrating or dastardly . occasionally a good funny movie sneaks past the deadening hollywood preconceptions of humor and we get a real gem : ruthless people , for instance , which established a microcosm of a setup and played it out to the bitter end . liar liar is built the same way and is just about as funny . this is one of the few movies i've seen where i was laughing consistently almost all the way through : instead of a couple of set-pieces that inspired a laugh ( think of the dismal fatal instinct ) , the whole movie works like clockwork . jim carrey playes a high-powered lawyer , to whom lying is as natural as breathing . there is one thing he takes seriously , though : his son , and we can sense the affection that they have for each other right away . but his wife is divorced and seeing another man , and now it looks like they may move away together . the son goes with them , of course . the movie sets up this early material with good timing and a remarkable balance of jim carrey's over-the-top persona with reality . then the plot springs into action : after being snubbed ( not deliberately ) by his father at his birthday , the kid makes a wish as he blows out the birthday candles : that for just one day , dad can't lie . he gets the wish . what happens next is sidesplitting . everything turns into a confrontation : when cornered by a bum for some change , he shouts , " no ! i'm not giving you any money because i know you'll spend it on booze ! all i want to do is to get to the office without having to step over the debris of our decaying society ! " he can't even get into an elevator without earning a black eye . and what's worse , he's now gotten himself into an expensive divorce settlement that requires him to twist the truth like abstract wire sculpture . carrey , who i used to find unfunny , has gotten better at his schtick , even if it's a limited one . he uses it to great effect in this movie . there is a scene where he tries to test his ability to lie and nearly demolishes his office in the process ( there's a grin breaking out across my face right now , just remembering the scene ) . he can't even write the lie ; his fingers twitch , his body buckles like someone in the throes of cyanide poisoning , and when he tries to talk it's like he's speaking in tongues . equally funny is a scene where he beats himself to a pulp ( don't ask why ) , tries to drink water to keep from having outbursts in the courtroom ( it fails , with semi-predictable results ) , and winds up biting the bullet when he gets called into the boardroom to have everyone ask what they think of them . this scene alone may force people to stop the tape for minutes on end . the movie sustains its laughs and also its flashes of insight until almost the end . a shame , too , because the movie insists on having a big , ridiculous climax that involves carrey's character flagging down a plane using a set of motorized stairs , then breaking his leg , etc . a simple reconciliation would do the trick . why is this stupid pent-up climax always obligatory ? it's not even part of the movie's real agenda . thankfully , liar liar survives it , and so does carrey . maybe they were being merciful , on reflection . if i'd laughed any more , i might have needed an iron lung .

one of my favorite songs by the stranglers includes the lyric , " you'd better watch out for the skin deep . " i'd like to extend the same warning : watch out for skin deep , but whatever you do don't watch skin deep . skin deep is a tedious and uneven comedy written and directed by blake edwards . john ritter stars as zach , a dried up writer and insatiable womanizer with a big-time drinking problem . i never saw edwards' comedy the man who loved women , but i have to wonder whether skin deep is a remake . you see , to put it mildly , zach goes to bed with just about each and every woman he meets . as the movie opens , zach's wife , alex , catches him with not only his mistress but also his mistress' hairdresser . like any sensible wife , alex kicks zach out of the house and divorces him . in response , zach goes on a spiritual journey of drinking , womanizing , psychotherapy , and self-discovery . if you're turned on by the idea of watching ritter drink , get arrested , have sex , drink , crash his mercedes , have more sex , drink , get arrested again , drink , and sing horrendously at the piano , then skin deep should be right up your alley . skin deep makes the fatal mistake of inflicting on us unbelievable and unsympathetic characters . zach is a rich , '80s l . a . version of ritter's jack tripper character from " three's company . " like jack , zach is clumsy and inept ; he's the type of guy whose bad aim makes him accidently squirt breath freshener into his eye . zach is supposed to be charming and charismatic , but i failed to see even one redeeming virtue in him . consequently , i never felt the least bit of sympathy or pity for the philandering alcoholic during his moments of crisis . in fact , when zach crashes his ex-wife's wedding in a desperate attempt to stop her from remarrying , i actually rooted for her to go through with the ceremony . to add insult to injury , edwards gives his large supporting cast nothing but stereotypes with which to work . for instance , vincent gardenia's talents are wasted in his role as the fatherly bartender . of all the women in the film--and there are many--alyson reed , alone , stands out as zach's wife ; reed brings intelligence and sensitivity to the role . because we don't care the slightest bit about anyone in skin deep , the film's few feeble attempts at drama inevitably fail . the comedy in skin deep doesn't fare much better . most of the jokes are dumb , predictable , and sitcomish . about every ten minutes , however , edwards does manage to come up with a good line or a novel sight-gag , the most effective of which involves a pair of " dueling " condoms . overall , the laughs in skin deep are just too infrequent and the characters just too shallow for the film to stay afloat . my final criticism of the film lies in its glamorous depiction of alcohol and alcoholism . zach's excessive drinking is clearly ruining his life , but nevertheless it seems to give him more pleasure than pain . zach's drinking binges never have any truly serious or lasting consequences . if he crashes his mercedes , he gets a new one . if he gets arrested , his lawyer bails him out of jail . if his wife leaves him , she will eventually decide to give him a second chance if he'll clean up his act . the tone in skin deep is all wrong ; edwards treats a very serious issue far too lightly , making a joke out of a problem that is no joking matter . perhaps edwards should have studied dudley moore in arthur or , better yet , michael keaton in clean and sober before making skin deep .

fantastically over hyped , godzila finally lumbers onto the big screen . the film opens with footage of nuclear testing on the french polynesian islands , then an attack on a boat from some beast , and finally we join dr . nick tatopoulos ( broderick looking about 17 years old ) doing some research in chernobyl . some shady u . s government guys appear , and ask him to come to an island where they have massive footprints , from what looks like a giant lizard . and what's more , this beast is heading for new york . gulp ! although godzilla should be a non stop roller coaster ride , and at some points it is , there is something curiously uninvolving and unexciting about this movie . the main faults lie with the acting and writing , common problems with 'summer blockbuster' movies . broderick is pretty useless as the hero , with no humour or a 'tough guy' image . while emmerich's previous summer flick , independence day ( 1996 ) had wisecracks and action from jeff goldblum and will smith , this has neither . also , maria pitillo , as broderick's former girlfriend , is just as useless , with a chronic disability in acting . she's incapable of showing emotion , speaks every line in the same way , and basically she's total crap . it's up to french actor jean reno to save the day , and indeed he does , turning in a campy performance as a french secret agent . shame he has such little screen time in such a overlong film . hank azaria also turns up as a crazy cameraman named 'animal' , and he adds a little life to the picture . also making an appearance is harry shearer ( probably best know for doing voices in the simpsons ) as a slimy news reporter . o . k , so the acting is not up to par , but it never is in these movies . but what about the script ? well , that's not up to par either . emmerich and screenwriting pal dean devlin seem so caught in the destruction of new york city that they forgot to write a script . the dialogue is banal ( broderick looks at a lot of fish and utters 'that's a lot of fish . ' ) , and the character development is non existent ( reno plays the typical frenchman ( 'no croissant ? ' ) , broderick forever remains a geeky scientist . ) also , the film is seriously lacking a sense of humour . the jokes that are uttered are pathetic , and there's an 'hilarious' running gag about siskel and ebert . ( the mayor is mayor ebert , and is assistant is called gene ! ha ha ha ha ! . ) the plot is dire , and in the end just rips off jurassic park ( 1993 ) by having lots of baby godzilla's ( i . e . velicorapters ) running around new york . right , so the script and acting suck . but what about the special effects ? thankfully , they're are quite good . godzilla is an impressive piece of cgi , although we don't see much of him because the movie is so dark . the destruction of new york is pretty well done aswell . but although they are impressive , they can't save godzilla from being an hugely disappointing and boring movie . the movie goes on for far too long aswell , and it can't seem to decide on a ending . and of course , the ending itself leaves possibility for a sequel . let's just hope one never arrives .

in a flashback , the teenage girl in the eccentric family in the canadian film , the hanging garden , tells her senile grandmother that she is going to a school dance . horrified , the grandmother wants to know if her granddaughter knows " the rule of 6 . " if you don't break off a kiss by the count of 6 , then you committed a sin with the boy . and most of all , the grandmother wants to know if she has " protection ? " she must carry a rosary in her pocket at all times . the richly acted film is written and directed by thom fitzgerald in a quirky but loving style . although some may refer to the film as yet another dysfunctional family picture , that moniker misses the mark . yes , every member of the household has their own special problems , but the writer didn't choose to name so many characters for various flowers by accident . this delightful little picture mixes love , tragedy and pathos , resulting in a hopeful and almost magical concoction . during the opening credits we observe the boy , sweet william , at the center of the story . first , he's an average sized young lad who is slapped off-screen by his father . next , he's 300 pound teenager , played with hopelessness and depression by troy veinotte . when the opening credits end , we cut to 10 years later . william is now an average-sized , reasonably happy adult , played with love and compassion by chris leavins . william has returned after 10 years absence to attend the marriage of his free-spirited and foul-mouthed sister rosemary to his first childhood lover , fletcher ( joe s . keller ) . kerry fox from an angel at my table and shallow grave plays rosemary with a compelling joy . nicole burnell , who gave such a devastating performance in the sweet hereafter , plays the teenage rosemary . the father of the family , whiskey mac ( peter macneill ) , is an alcoholic autocrat who is more obnoxious than harmful . his wife , iris ( seana mckenna ) , says that she would have left him years ago to at least go to some place warm were it not for her lack of money and her obligations to the kids . rounding out the family is christine dunsworth as nine-year-old violet , the sister whom william meets for the first time . as the exuberant irish music fills the air at the wedding in the family home , william wanders off to try on one of his old coats , which causes him to laugh at the size of his former self . the director manages to stage simple scenes in wonderfully imaginative ways . he takes a common wedding dress train and uses it to set up scenes in fresh and fascinating ways . rosmary's trip to the bathroom after drinking too much beer is beautifully orchestrated , and kerry fox is at her hilarious best trying to cope with the long train in a small bath , all while talking to her brother . as much as anything , the film is a series of character sketches . in one of the strongest we watch william in a flashback as he has his first sexual encounter , a homosexual one . although he is perfectly happy liking the same sex , his mother is aghast . a woman friend of hers suggests she take william to a local housewife , dusty miller ( martha irving ) , who , for a fee , will have heterosexual sex with william . with absolute finesse the director crafts a subtle scene that manages to yield significant emotional punch without being sensational . dusty , after asking iris to watch her daughter , takes william and gently introduces him to the joys of sex with the opposite sex . all of this notwithstanding , he still prefers males . the film is at its most poignant in several sequences in which the grown william comes face-to-face with himself when younger . this causes his ugly old memories to be reignited . in the most devastating , he has to come to grips with his former self who was so overwhelmed with the stress that he tried to hang himself . even here , the director touches your heart without ever letting the story dissolve into anything approaching a tearjerker . the ultimate result is an uplifting story that has more hope that one would ever expect from the outline of its plot . the hanging garden runs 1 : 31 . it is rated r for strong sexuality , language , violence and some teen drug use and would be acceptable for teenagers only if they are quite old and mature .

everything about this ninth trek movie seems on the cheap , from the roger corman-grade special effects to its highly derivative and ugly ad campaign ( the poster is nearly identical to that of star trek vi : the undiscovered country ) . but piller's not-quite-half-baked screenplay should ultimately claim responsibility for insurrection's failure . i'm about to give the same advice to rick berman and co . as i've given to the financiers of james bond movies : it's time to breathe life into this workhorse by hiring solid genre writers and a real director . ( while we're at it , put that visor back on laforge ! ) for three hundred years , the ba'ku species ( who look just like humans ) have lived on a ringed-planet that might as well be called the fountain of youth . six hundred of them occupy the briar patch , the area affected by metaphasic radition , a positive energy that reverses the aging process in the elderly . but evil ru'afo ( this is probably abraham's last stop before performing " amadeus " at a dinner theatre near you ) , leader of the son'a ( who look just like burn victims after reconstructive surgery ) , wants to relocate the ba'ku and movie his people onto the briar patch in their place , in order to replenish his dying breed . the federation is all for this , but picard feels this is a direct violation of the prime directive : to not interfere with the development of an alien race . ( never mind that the ba'ku didn't exactly evolve-they went wandering in the universe one day and stumbled upon the magic world . ) every time frakes gives an interview lately , he seems to top whatever ludicrous statement he last gave regarding this installment . he has called it a comedy , a thinking man's picture , a throwback to the old series , and , most grievously , he has likened it to a john ford western . ( i presume that's some john ford he went to school with , not the director of the searchers . ) he has also gone on record as saying paramount recut the film from his version . that's no excuse-someone generated this footage . muddy cinematography and sitcom sets are the least of its problems ; star trek : insurrection appears to have been beamed in from the planet plotholia . consider such curiosities . . . picard's love interest , anij ( donna murphy ) , can slow things down by staring at them ( such as a waterfall or falling rocks ) -her scientific explanation for this ? " don't ask . " worf gets a pimple ( he's re-experiencing klingon puberty thanks to the time-defying atmosphere ) , laforge regains his eyesight ( trust me , levar burton's real eyes are scarier than those electronic lenses he wore in first contact ) and troi brags about her firm boobs , but picard remains as bald as an android's butt . most suspiciously , what exactly is the problem with letting this endangered race have a little fun in the sun ? the filmmakers cloud the issue with some nonsense about a family feud of sorts , and they also turn ru'afo into a completely power-mad superfreak , just so the characters will have something to do in the climax . ( and if you've seen return of the jedi , you've seen the ending of this movie . ) didn't picard himself previously disobey the prime directive when he prevented the borg from assimilating millions ? frakes lucked out with first contact , and repeat viewings of that film reveal the seeds of what went wrong in his direction of insurrection : he has no sense of comic timing , and he mines for acting chemistry where none exists . ( take a look at the painful " troi gets drunk " scene in fc and you'll get the general idea of insurrection's unsuccessfully jokey and hollow tone . ) even the worst shatner and co . treks , like the final frontier , maintained a watchability thanks to the effortless , charming comaraderie between kirk , spock , and bones . neither first contact nor insurrection has any idea what to do with crusher ( gates mcfadden , whom i must say maintains a fabulous physique ) , troi , or laforge . and all three next generation films spend too much time on data , who is the franchise's answer to urkel . need a cheap laugh ? have data say something sexual , or start singing , or lift up a four hundred pound boulder as if it's the hunk of styrofoam it really is . here's my proposed title for number 10 : data star data trek : data data data data data . in this movie , data will become preoccupied with learning to blow his nose , while crusher and troi watch silently from 500 yards away and laforge points his sinister gaze at the android in doubly robotic observation . star trek : insurrection had one nice , eerie , silent moment that hints at a better , darker film . i'm not saying all of them should be star trek ii : the wrath of khan , but this one boldly went where no movie should go again .

walt disney studios may have finally met its match with the lush animation in twentieth century fox's anastasia . but judging by the latest efforts from the don bluth studios , the visuals are the only thing fox has to brag about . disney's recent classics have occasionally stretched credibility in such films as pocahontas , the hunchback of notre dame , and to a lesser extent , hercules . with anastasia , fox has gone so far as to throw all facts completely out the window . some may say - so what ? it's just a kid's movie . well . . . if you have young kids , beware , as they may be noticeably frightened by the visuals of a corpse-rotting rasputin zombie , whose body parts continually fall off in a disconcertingly real way . consider yourselves warned . nevertheless , the animation is quite stunning at times . don bluth has used computer animation extensively throughout , occasionally rivalling photographic quality . and yet in other scenes , the hand-drawn material seems of the saturday-morning tv crowd , which leads me to wonder . . . was this rushed to market to combat disney ? the plot , as anyone who had read history before knows , concerns the attempt to return anastasia to her royal family after she was lost in the overthrow of the romanovs in 1916 . not that anastasia is much concerned with what really happened . as for the plot --- go rent disney's candleshoe . you'll see 60% of anastasia there .

almost a full decade before steven spielberg's saving private ryan asked whether a film could be both " anti war " and " pro-soldier " , john irvin's hamburger hill proved it could . lost in the inundation of critical acclaim that greeted oliver stone's platoon , this excellent film was dismissed as " too militaristic " . it's hard to understand exactly why---unless irvin , in assembling his motley collection of young men who for predictable ( and often naive ) reasons " chose to show up " for the vietnam debacle , ---has refused to present us with the stone killer , drug-stoked psycho and ruthless opportunist who have become to vietnam war epics what " the polack , the hillbilly and the kid from brooklyn " became to wwii movies . hamburger hill , based on a true story , is not an easy film to watch . there is a scene that will have graying anti-war activists squirming in their seats , or moved to genuine tears . and the climactic final assault on the " hill " in question is visually confusing . gristly realities are presented in brief flashes , as if the brain dared not acknowledged what it had encountered . and in the mud and smoke officer and enlistee , veteran and " newbie " , black soldier and white , become almost indistinguishable from each other , as they do in the chaos of actual combat . the acting throughout is solid with an absolutely stellar performance rendered by courtney b . vance as doc--in a role that will have many flatly disbelieving that this is same actor they cheered as " seaman jones " in mctiernan's red october . if you've seen private ryan , you owe it to yourself to see hamburger hill--if only to determine that the all the valour and horror of spielberg's vision was as present in the ashau valley as it was at omaha beach .

weighed down by tired plot lines and spielberg's reliance on formulas , _saving private ryan_ is a mediocre film which nods in the direction of realism before descending into an abyss of cliches . there ought to be a law against steven spielberg making movies about truly serious topics . spielberg's greatest strength as a director is the polished , formulaic way in which every aspect of the film falls carefully into place to make a perfect story . but for a topic of such weight as combat in the second world war ( or the holocaust ) this technique backfires , for it creates coherent , comprehensible and redemptive narratives out of events whose size , complexity and evil are utterly beyond the reach of human ken . in this way spielberg trivializes the awesome evil of the stories he films . _saving private ryan_ tells the story of eight men who have been detailed on a " pr mission " to pull a young man , ryan ( whose three other brothers were just killed in fighting elsewhere ) out of combat on the normandy front just after d-day . ryan is a paratrooper who dropped behind enemy lines the night before the landings and became separated from his fellow soldiers . the search for him takes the eight soldiers across the hellish terrain of world war ii combat in france . there's no denying spielberg came within shouting distance of making a great war movie . the equipment , uniforms and weapons are superbly done . the opening sequence , in which captain miller ( tom hanks ) leads his men onto omaha beach , is quite possibly the closest anyone has come to actually capturing the unendurably savage intensity of modern infantry combat . another pleasing aspect of the film is spielberg's brave depiction of scenes largely unknown to american audiences , such as the shooting of prisoners by allied soldiers , the banality of death in combat , the routine foul-ups in the execution of the war , and the cynicism of the troops . the technical side of the film is peerless , as always . the camera work is magnificent , the pacing perfect , the sets convincing , the directing without flaw . hanks will no doubt be nominated for an oscar for his performance , which was utterly convincing , and the supporting cast was excellent , though ted danson seems a mite out of place as a paratroop colonel . yet the attempt at a realistic depiction of combat falls flat on its face because realism is not something which can be represented by single instances or events . it has to thoroughly permeate the context at every level of the film , or the story fails to convince . throughout the movie spielberg repeatedly showed only single examples of the grotesque wounds produced by modern mechanized devices ( exception : men are shown burning to death with relative frequency ) . for example , we see only one man with guts spilled out on the ground . here and there men lose limbs ; in one scene miller is pulling a man to safety , there's an explosion , and miller looks back to see he is only pulling half a man . but the rest of the corpses are remarkably intact . there are no shoes with only feet in them , no limbs scattered everywhere , no torsos without limbs , no charred corpses , and most importantly , all corpses have heads ( in fairness there are a smattering of wicked head wounds ) . the relentless dehumanization of the war , in which even corpses failed to retain any indentity , is soft-pedaled in the film . ultimately , _saving private ryan_ bows to both hollywood convention and the unwritten rules of wartime photography in its portrayal of wounds and death in war . rather than saying _saving private ryan_ is " realistic , " it would be better to describe it as " having realistic moments . " another aspect of the " hollywoodization " of the war is the lack of realistic dialogue and in particular , the lack of swearing . anyone familiar with the literature on the behavior of the men during the war , such as fussell's superb _wartime : understanding and behavior in the second world war_ ( which has an extensive discussion on swearing ) , knows that the troops swore fluently and without letup . " who is this private ryan that we have to die for him ? " asks one infantrymen in the group of eight . rendered in wartime demotic , that should have been expressed as " who is this little pecker that we have to get our dicks shot off for him ? " or some variant thereof . conversations should have been literally sprinkled with the " f " word , and largely about ( the search for ) food and sex . this is all the more inexplicable because the movie already had an " r " rating due to violence , so swearing could not possibly have been eliminated to make it a family film . however , the most troubling aspect of the film is the spielbergization of the topic . the most intense hell humans have ever created for themselves is not emotionally wrenching enough for steven spielberg . he cannot just cede control to the material ; he has to be bigger than it . as if afraid to let the viewer find their own ( perhaps unsettled and not entirely clear ) emotional foothold in the material , spielberg has to package it in hallmark moments to give the war a meaning and coherence it never had : the opening and closing scenes of ryan and his family in the war cemetary ( reminscent of the closing scene from _schindler's list ) , the saccharine exchange between ryan and his wife at the close ( every bit as bad as schindler's monologue about how his car , tiepin or ring could have saved another jew ) , quotes from abraham lincoln and emerson , captain miller's last words to private ryan , and an unbelievable storyline in which a prisoner whom they free earlier in the movie comes back to kill the captain . that particular subplot is so hokey , so predictable , it nigh on ruins the film . nowhere in the film is there a resolute depiction of the meaninglessness , stupidity and waste which characterized the experience of war to the men who actually fought in combat ( imagine if miller had been killed by friendly fire or collateral damage ) . because of its failure to mine deeply into the terrible realities of world war ii , _saving private ryan_ can only pan for small truths in the shallows . .

what a contrast ! in the space of two days , i saw shakespeare in love and hurlyburly . i'm not sure you could get two more different movies . while the former was all over the top , telegraphing everything , shoving its philosophy of life down our throats , hurlyburly was the complete opposite , wound so tight and with so much buried in its script , one could spend weeks thinking about it . this is one interesting movie . it's very much in a similar vein to one of my favourite movies of '98 , in the company of men , although not quite so nasty . there's lots of talking and some scary insights into the world of men . hurlyburly doens't contain much plot : we just follow eddie ( sean penn ) around as he tries to make sense of his life and the people around him . his big question is : does it all pertain to him ? and if it does , how is he supposed to feel about it all ? " it " means everything : television , friends , events that happen . i guess it could be summed up more crudely as : what's it all about ? this is not a movie for answers . donna ( anna paquin ) gives some but they're not really satisfying : they just lead to more questions . that's what makes this movie stay on your mind . these are the sorts of questions that occupy our time . even when we push them to the background , however we resolve these questions influences everything we do . the performances are all superb in hurlyburly . i haven't seen sean penn in much before ( in fact , i can't remember seeing him in anything ) , but he is brilliant in this . eddie isn't a likeable character , but sean penn makes him understandable . i don't want to be his friend but i'd like to help him . chazz palminteri is also great as phil , making him an awful person . i'd never want to know phil but still i understand why eddie wants to be his friend . everyone in this film nails their performances , making this world real . it's a nasty world ; it's a sexist world . unlike shakespeare in love which is unfailingly politically correct , hurlyburly is a man's world , seen unapologetically through the eyes of men . i find this fascinating and on two counts , depressing . first , it's depressing that such a world exists . a large part of hurlyburly's success is that it convinces me that such people are real and that this sort of environment exists every day in hollywood ; that there are a large number of men out there who believe women to be completely peripheral to their world , toys , playthings . sure , everyone is background to everyone else but in this world , women are a long way in the background . second , these are the movies that are being made : stories about men's world . where are the stories about women's world ? not the soap operas and the " chick flicks " that are meant to satisfy women , but the real stories that touch on the essence of life like hurlyburly does for men . hurlyburly is based on a stage play and that is evident from the moment the film starts . it's very talkative , intelligent and static . while this can make the film drag a bit , and people sometimes sound like they're quoting textbooks , mostly this is a good thing . not all films have to be filled with special effects and sweeping panoramas . not all films have to underestimate the intelligence of their audience . all it means is that hurlyburly is probably just as effective on video as it is on the large screen . it also means that you have to pay attention .

i'm giving this stinker . normally , the worst that i would ever rate a movie would be . but the total waste of time that is blazing saddles is , compounded by the fact that this movie is incredibly offensive , helped me come to the big goose egg . i'm not sure what the hell mel brooks was thinking when he made this thing , or if he was even thinking at all . maybe in mel's little mind a horse being knocked unconscious because of a punch to the face is funny . in mine , it's not . or maybe mel graduated from the spike lee school of filmmaking . because only the self-righteous lee uses the n-word more often in his films than brooks did in this one . at least lee has the smarts to realize that nobody is going to find that term amusing . brooks bandies it about like he figures the audience will be rolling in the aisles every time they hear it . wrong mel ! i would call you a boob mel , but that insults breasts everywhere . this idiotic attempt at a comedy centers on the evil lieutenant governor's ( harvey korman ) attempts to clear out a town so he can buy up the land cheap and sell it to the railroad . he sends his goons to run the townsfolk out . but the town appeals to the governor ( mel brooks in one of many uninspired , and unfunny roles ) to send them a new sheriff to protect them . the governor pawns the task off to korman's character hedley lamarr . ( i can tell you are rolling off your chairs right now just thinking of all the humor in that name . ) lamarr decides to send the town a black sheriff ( gasp ) in the hopes that the town will be so disgusted at the prospect of a black man living among them that they will all just leave . hold on , i've got to stop while these gales of laughter pass . it's just too funny . racism passing as humor -- gosh why didn't anybody ever think of that one before ? oh wait , i think somebody might have -- they are called the kkk . i'm not calling brooks a racist -- but i am calling him an insensitive bastard who wouldn't know what was funny if it hit him over the head . but i digress . anyway , the black sheriff rides into town amid a flurry of townsfolk using the n-word . golly , will the hilarity just never end ? he ends up joining forces with a drunk ( gene wilder ) , who happens to be the former fastest gun in the west . together , they save the day from evil . not one person in this movie gives a decent performance . wilder looks like he is recovering from a head injury for most of the movie , and korman looks embarrassed to be a part of the movie . ok , he really didn't -- but he should have . the films star cleavon little goes along with the black jokes as if they were discussing the time of day . i did not laugh once during this whole sorry experience . i admit to starting to snicker on a couple of occasions . actually , the end started to look as if it was going to have some promise , but alas , it ended up being as crappy as the rest of the movie . i can say with full confidence that blazing saddles has no redeeming qualities whatsoever . mel brooks would be doing the world a favor if he burned every last copy of this film .

" quest for camelot " is warner bros . ' first feature-length , fully-animated attempt to steal clout from disney's cartoon empire , but the mouse has no reason to be worried . the only other recent challenger to their throne was last fall's promising , if flawed , 20th century fox production " anastasia , " but disney's " hercules , " with its lively cast and colorful palate , had her beat hands-down when it came time to crown 1997's best piece of animation . this year , it's no contest , as " quest for camelot " is pretty much dead on arrival . even the magic kingdom at its most mediocre -- that'd be " pocahontas " for those of you keeping score -- isn't nearly as dull as this . the story revolves around the adventures of free-spirited kayley ( voiced by jessalyn gilsig ) , the early-teen daughter of a belated knight from king arthur's round table . kayley's only dream is to follow in her father's footsteps , and she gets her chance when evil warlord ruber ( gary oldman ) , an ex-round table member-gone-bad , steals arthur's magical sword excalibur and accidentally loses it in a dangerous , booby-trapped forest . with the help of hunky , blind timberland-dweller garrett ( carey elwes ) and a two-headed dragon ( eric idle and don rickles ) that's always arguing with itself , kayley just might be able to break the medieval sexist mold and prove her worth as a fighter on arthur's side . " quest for camelot " is missing pure showmanship , an essential element if it's ever expected to climb to the high ranks of disney . there's nothing here that differentiates " quest " from something you'd see on any given saturday morning cartoon -- subpar animation , instantly forgettable songs , poorly-integrated computerized footage . ( compare kayley and garrett's run-in with the angry ogre to herc's battle with the hydra . i rest my case . ) even the characters stink -- none of them are remotely interesting , so much that the film becomes a race to see which one can out-bland the others . in the end , it's a tie -- they all win . that dragon's comedy shtick is awfully cloying , but at least it shows signs of a pulse . at least fans of the early-'90s tgif television line-up will be thrilled to find jaleel " urkel " white and bronson " balki " pinchot sharing the same footage . a few scenes are nicely realized ( though i'm at a loss to recall enough to be specific ) , and the actors providing the voice talent are enthusiastic ( though most are paired up with singers who don't sound a thing like them for their big musical moments -- jane seymour and celine dion ? ? ? ) . but one must strain through too much of this mess to find the good . aside from the fact that children will probably be as bored watching this as adults , " quest for camelot " 's most grievous error is its complete lack of personality . and personality , we learn from this mess , goes a very long way .

birthdays often cause individuals to access their lives . are we doing what we want to be doing ? what happened to our dreams ? with the new millennium , our collective big birthday , just around the corner , some people are sensing a certain dissatisfaction with their existence . the old standbys of traditional religion and science aren't doing it for many anymore and they're looking for something else . we'll be seeing more and more films with a metaphysical theme over the next few years . ricky hayman ( jeff goldblum ) is having a career crisis . the programming director for the good buy home shopping network , he's going to be fired unless sales increase dramatically . new producer kate newell ( kelly preston ) is supposed to whip things into shape . when the two are fixing a flat , they almost run down new age pilgrim " g " ( murphy ) . g wanders onto the television set and connects with the viewers by telling them that they don't really want all that commercial crap . in some unexplained manner , this causes sales to sour . ricky is saved . the movie tries to be too much at once and fails at it all . it's not an over-the-top comedy or a heart-warming message of humanity . it _is_ a mish-mosh of poorly directed scenes made even worse by insipid dialog . i am willing to put up with preaching from a film , but the messages here are old hat . you should take time to smell the roses . selling your soul for cash is a bad idea . golly . i'm glad i saw the movie . i never would have thought of these . the opportunity to poke fun at the goofy products is mostly missed . when g takes a chainsaw to the set , there's an obvious chance for murphy to be hilarious . it doesn't happen . the bits are so subdued and overly-long that there's only a hint of laughter from the audience . murphy has changed his roles in recent years and not for the better . there are hints of promise in this one . the only time the film picks up even a little is when his shaved-headed character in the long flowing white caftan shows up on screen . the others are horrendous . goldblum has episodes of brilliance in his career , but here he seems to have been replaced with a lifeless pod from his " invasion of the body snatchers " . his relationship with kate makes no sense . they move from antagonism to love somewhere off screen . preston is as uninteresting as she could possibly be . somewhere hidden deep inside of this film is about ten minutes of value . an attempt to satirize stupid television , we get a self-parody instead .

the new austin powers film continues a movie tradition begun in the eighties . produce something , anything , that will get the high school and junior high kids in the theater because they buy more soda and popcorn than senior citizens . the usual hallmarks of this filmmaking tradition are all here . gross humor , sex jokes , silly sight gags , more sex jokes . and the film is a strong contender in the current race to be cruder , grosser and more outrageous than that last film . what the film is not , however , is funny . the plot centers around the return of dr . evil , who goes back in time to steal austin powers' mojo ( a liquid with red stuff in it extracted from austin's pelvis ) which gives austin his sexual prowess and the charisma to defeat his enemies . austin must go after him , and returns to the swinging sixties where free love and sexy secret agents had their heyday . i almost avoided this film because i did not like the original . but the films premise sounded like an excellent comic vehicle and the film received many good reviews . i wish i had stuck to my first impression . myers is trying to be the jerry lewis of this generation . and he has the talent to do it , at least as an actor . but the material he is working with here , much of it his own , falls short of anything resembling comic genius . this movie tries to carry the day with sight gags about drinking distilled feces , a five-hundred-pound fat man's butt crack , and a barrage of sex jokes aimed at the level of the average 15 year old . after some of these scenes , one has to wonder how gross the next generation of films will have to go to get an audiences attention . the direction also helps the film achieve a new low point in cinematic humor . for the most part , i felt as if i was watching a saturday morning chalderns live action tv show . there is no sense of comic timing or subtlety . the director just throws the material at us , giving us nothing except the hope that anyone with a camera could be a film director . i am sure the film will have appeal to many of the under 22 crowd , at least the one's who have yet to discover literacy . certainly the movie is directed towards the generation that prefers everything described as 'in your face , kick you in the teeth , take no prisoners , ( action-verb +blah blah blah ) . ' if you see the film and you find you're not laughing , there is nothing wrong with you . it just means you grew up since seventh grade .

take two old and dying men , a lifetime of regrets , a house full of sins , a thoroughly despicable man , enough lies , insecurities and other character defects to keep a team of psychiatrists gainfully employed , then add a inexplicable meteorological and amphibian-based phenomenon and you will have summed up magnolia , the newest film from paul thomas anderson ( boogie nights ) . the movie tells multiple stories , weaving them together , or overlapping them during the course of its three hour running time . would that the stories were worth the telling . earl partridge ( jason robards , a thousand acres ) is dying of cancer . bedridden , in much pain , it is obvious that his time is growing short . his much younger wife played by julianne moore ( an ideal husband ) is surprised to find herself struggling with his impending death . having married for money , she discovers that she has actually fallen in love with the old guy and regrets having cheated and lied . earl regrets having cheated on his first wife and estranging himself from his only son ( tom cruise , eyes wide shut ) , now a misogynist self-help guru who teaches men how to " seduce and destroy , " his sexual and vulgar perspective on male/female relationships is so over-the-top as to be utterly unbelievable . meanwhile , jimmy gator ( philip baker hall , the insider ) is also dying of cancer . not as physically incapacitated as earl , jimmy is still able to perform his duties as the lovable host of a long-running quiz show which pits adults against children . the current whiz-quiz-kid is stanley spector ( jeremy blackman in his film debut ) who is tired of the pressure of performing and is willing to call it quits . on the other hand , quiz kid donnie smith ( william macy , mystery men ) would like nothing more than to return to the spotlight when he was a " somebody . " his pathetic life is souring as he can no longer capitalize on his brief 15 minutes of fame which stanley is all too eager to relinquish . jimmy has his own family crisis as his drug-addict daughter ( melora walters , boogie nights ) refuses to have anything to do with him for reasons which are not disclosed to us until the end of the film . grabbing at one last attempt at happiness she reaches out to a softhearted cop ( john c . reilly , never been kissed ) even as she tries to push herself away from him because she deems herself not worthy of his affection . this dysfunctional group carries on for what seems to be an interminable two-thirds of the movie . and then it gets worse , literally raining frogs . yes , frogs . assuming it to be an intended deus-ex-machina device , it is an ineffective one because it doesn't seem to faze the characters much . oh , they may step gingerly around the splattered frog corpses littering the streets , but otherwise , the frog shower didn't seem to change their behavior or pattern of living ( or dying ) . there is simply too much going on in this movie and most of it is distasteful to watch . mr . anderson further obscures the film by incorporating a loud and intrusive sound track that often drowned out the dialogue , a character who apparently rapped a significant clue to a plot development which was completely unintelligble , and a heavy handed segment of " historical " occurances containing ironic twists which set up absolutely nothing . one of the recurring themes is found in a line donnie quotes : " we may be done with the past , but the past is not done with us . " this is an absolute lie . god is in the forgiveness business . in fact , as we humbly ask for forgiveness and repent or change our offending mindset , god's word says that he not only forgives , he also forgets . " i , even i , am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake , and will not remember thy sins . " isaiah 43 : 25 [kjv] the spiritual one who keeps bringing up our unrighteous past is the same one who wants to keep us in a state of condemnation . don't let him . next time your spiritual adversary reminds you of your past , take great pleasure in reminding him of his future . he hates that .

synopsis : an aging master art thief , his supplier , and a young , buxom security consultant are all not who they first appear to be ( or are they ? ) in this convoluted mess involving a risky heist during the millennium . comments : this movie was boring . plain and simple . entrapment should not have been boring . it stars sean connery , who can still carry an action film despite his age , catherine zeta-jones , a likeable enough film presence , and ving rhames , ultra-cool star of pulp fiction and mission : impossible . it takes full advantage of the y2k computer bug fears ( a current " hot topic " in the news ) in its storyline , which is set at the end of 1999 . it has some genuinely well-staged action sequences . so , what went wrong ? plenty , unfortunately . the major problem with entrapment is its script . it has a been-there , done-that feel to it . nothing seems particularly inventive or original , so the whole movie lacks suspense and drags ( it runs nearly two hours ) . the screenwriters , for example , periodically use a countdown to the millennium as a means of transition between scenes ( i . e . " 4 days to the millennium " ) . this device was used much more effectively in the overlooked sci-fi film strange days . the characters are not who they appear to be at the beginning , which is neat at first but the device wears thin once the umpteenth " surprise " revelation is made . entrapment , in other words , relies too heavily on the audience not knowing what each character's true motive is , resulting in a convoluted story which leaves many scratching their heads in confusion . the star power here is quite strong , but the viewer can't help but feel the actors are wasted in this production . sean connery is given such mind-numbing lines as " never trust a naked woman . " ving rhames' character seems like an afterthought ; he's not developed at all . the camera zooms in frequently and leeringly at catherine zeta-jones's tight wardrobe . this , in and of itself , is not bad , but , after a while , it has a juvenile feel to it . at least the species movies hold no bones about the fact that they're exploiting the female body . entrapment does the same under the thin disguise of plot development ( sean connery supposedly falls in love with the girl while watching her , in tights , arc and pivot around laser beams ) . the tagline for this movie reads " the trap is set . " it sure is , on those who spent money to see this movie . entrapment really isn't that bad ; it is watchable . i would suggest , however , one waits until this is on cable or television to see it .

bruce willis needs to stay away from straightforward action pictures . mercury rising adds to a growing list ( including such stinkers as the jackal , last man standing , striking distance and the last boy scout ) of stale actioners he has headlined . and though mercury rising tries to spice things up by throwing an autistic kid in the mix , it is every bit as stale . art jeffries ( bruce willis ) is your typical tormented fbi agent . you know the type , haunted by his job , yet so good at what he does that even physically assaulting another agent merely gets him a slap on the wrist . enter simon ( miko hughes ) , an autistic boy , who , like rain man and all other autistic people , is a savant . he can merely gaze at a super-encrypted message , and , while little computer beeps go off in his head , he can understand what it says . naturally , this talent has brought him to the attention of the federal government . lt . col . nicholas kudrow ( alec baldwin ) , an nsa official bubbling over with evil , has spent countless time and money implementing the newest " unbreakable " code , mercury . however , when two of his underlings ( robert stanton and bodhi pine elfman ) publish a mercury-encrypted message in a puzzle magazine as a final test of its effectiveness , simon cracks the code . naturally , this infuriates kudrow , who sends a terminator-like hitman ( l . l . ginter ) to eliminate the security hazard . and that's where art jeffries comes in . for some reason that's never explained in the film , the fbi is called in to help , and through a series of intricate machinations , art becomes the sole protector of the young autistic boy . in a few unrealistic sequences , he enlists the aid of a stranger , stacey ( kim dickens ) , to help out , but she is given very little to do overall . the central concept behind mercury rising is ludicrous . why bother trying to kill the kid . . . i mean , who would know ? it's not like the kid ( or anyone else for that matter ) knew he was cracking a government super-cypher . and even if he is eliminated , what does that help ? he's already proven that mercury can be broken . there's always the chance that someone else would crack it . . . but i guess without a kid in jeopardy , there's not much of a movie here . for all its faults , the film actually starts relatively well ( once you pass the painfully familiar teaser ) . the film flirts with developing real characters , and a semblance of a plot . . . then mr . terminator the hitman appears and everything begins going downhill . . . quickly . miko hughes does a decent job , for his age , at creating a touching performance . however , don't go to this film looking for any new insights into autism ( not that many people will ) . instead he merely becomes the latest unique partner in a routine buddy-cop movie ( think cop and a half . . . with a twist ! ) willis and baldwin are just overplaying to type . rather than creating a nuanced character , baldwin simply oozes sliminess . and for willis' part , he simply recycles the stock role of the loner cop/fbi agent ( which he has honed in the die hard series ) . as almost an afterthought , about halfway through , the film carelessly gives him a character trait ( an addiction ) , and then drops it in the next scene . but the biggest problem with mercury rising is the screenplay . this film wasn't well thought out at all . the film goes to extraordinary lengths to pad in as many convenient coincidences as possible . the carbon paper scene alone is unworthy of the most gullible audience member . at first the bad scenes just trickle in , but by the gruesomely bad finale they're a veritable flood . the film's few decent moments come in the form of bad jokes ( mainly from the geeks who developed the supercode ) . but they're not nearly enough to make the film worthwhile . mercury rising is a thriller that you're more likely to groan at than cheer .

time bandits , from director terry gilliam , is a very different fantasy action/adventure movie about a group of time-traveling dwarves , led by randall ( david rappaport ) , who have stolen a map of the universe . this map contains time hole , that , if exploited , enable the men to travel back and forth through time . the supreme being of the universe ( ralph richardson ) is the former employer of these treasure-seeking bandits , and he wishes desperately to regain the map . . during the travels , he appears as a ghostly face , demanding that they return the map that they have stolen . but , according to randall , they are just " borrowing " it . kevin , a young boy who seems quite bored with his life , is unexpectedly brought into the schemes of the little men when they appear in his room , which has a portal for time traveling . he joins up with the men and becomes part of their gang , following them on their robberies . their first victim is napoleon ( ian holm ) , whom they rob during a battle that he is commanding . from here , the group travels to the middle ages , meeting up with robin hood himself . eventually , kevin is separated from the group and travels to an egyptian time where he is taken in by king agamemnon , played by sean connery . kevin accidentally saved the king's life , and the king wishes to have kevin as his son . but the group of bandits find kevin and transport onto the deck of the titanic . meanwhile , the evil genius ( david warner ) is watching the group from fortress of ultimate darkness , attempting to find a way in order to bring the men , and the map , to him . when randall learns of the fortress of ultimate darkness , which supposedly contains " the most fabulous object in the world " , the dollar signs seemingly appear on his eyes , as he is convinced that they must travel there . once inside the fortress of ultimate darkness , it is unclear as to if any of the men will make it out alive . time bandits is a fantastically made film that caters to the imagination of anyone . with a terrific soundtrack , courtesy of george harrison , whom also was an executive producer , time bandits is sure to be a very surrealistic , time-traveling adventure with unforgettable characters that is sure to entertain anyone . terry gilliam , however , does not utilize that greatly his trademark ability in moviemaking during this film , although this does not affect the film that greatly . and finally , if you liked labyrinth , you'll love time bandits .

as the small boats rock slowly toward the shore at omaha beach normandy on d-day , the weary , seasick soldiers take a deep breath and open the large protective shield at the back of the boat . they are unaware of exactly what is going to happen . one man kisses the crucifix that hangs around his neck . as the flap falls , the battle begins . they are trapped like rats in a cage and proceed to be blown to pieces in the wake of enemy gunfire . amid the chaos of this massacre , stands a shot that , at least for me , hangs in the air like the girl in the little red coat in schindler's list . a soldier , clearly missing an arm , wanders around the body-strewn beach like a lost puppy . we are not invited to know what he is searching for until he finds it himself . he bends over , picks up his arm and starts to carry it , probably not bothering to ask himself ; " what now ? " saving private ryan is a masterfully composed film . the direction is out of this world , surely the type of command that can win spielberg another directing oscar . the cinematography , by janusz kaminsky , is also astounding . but be forewarned , this is the most violent and graphic film i have ever seen . the articles you read and the warnings you see are justified ; saving private ryan is visually as disturbing as a film can get . the question is , " does the story and its realism justify the excessive use ? " the answer from my point of view is " no " . braveheart was a truly gritty , and , one would imagine , realistic battle film . ryan is ten times worse . expect disembowelments , sucked in skulls , heads blown to bits , arms and legs flying across the battlefield . many in the theater could not bear to watch . and it is a shame , too , because this is otherwise by far one of the standouts this year . but such graphic displays may turn away even the most loyal spielberg supporters ( and academy members ) . saving private ryan takes us from the attack at omaha beach on d-day , 1944 , through into the film's primary mission . captain miller ( hanks ) assembles an 8 man crew and sets off to find a missing solider , private ryan , whose three brothers have already been killed on the battlefield . the government goes to great lengths to make sure that mrs . ryan doesn't recieve a fourth letter of condolences about her sons , that no person should suffer such injustice . miller's crew is not in favor of the mission and they begin to harbor a secret hatred for ryan , though they don't yet know him . they resent having to trudge out to bring home one soldier who doesn't have any more or less right to live than any of them . this film manages to keep up a rapid pace and , though there is a lot of set up between battles , the story continues full speed to the end . the pacing and dramatism of the extremely well choreographed battle scenes is really in a league of it's own . spielberg , though not a student of the " quick cut " school of filmmaking , takes a stab at it here , and does it better than michael bay or any of his mtv counterparts could ever hope to do it . bay should pay close attention , take copious notes . if you want to jump cut every two seconds , do it the way spielberg does it in ryan . in the end , the extremity of the gory violence is not justified by the " importance " of the film . schindler's list taught many people the truth about the holocaust . it opened eyes , sparked debate and study . though the battle scenes in ryan have never been portrayed as realistically before , they don't amount to anything as serious or thought provoking as the schindler's list . overall , this is just the truest depiction of the old adage , " war is hell . " but braveheart-dosage would have fit this movie much more appropriately , and would have made the difference between me getting up the nerve to see it again some day and realizing that this is something i doubt i could endure again . masterful work marred only by excessive gore .

towards the middle of " the sweet hereafter , " a crowded school bus skids on an icy road surface as it rounds a bend , careens through the steel guard rail , and disappears out of sight . then , in long shot , we see the vehicle slowly sliding across what looks like a snow-covered field . it pauses for a moment before the " field " cracks under the bus' weight and the bright yellow vehicle vanishes in an effortless moment , a single smooth second of time . compare that scene , if you will , to the last eighty minutes of " titanic , " when the behemoth sinks slowly and spectacularly to its watery demise , and you'll appreciate the futility of comparing greatness in films . the scene in " the sweet hereafter " epitomizes all that's right with independent canadian director atom egoyan's film . it's not sensational . we don't see the inside of the bus with its payload of screaming , terrified children being bloodied and battered about . the bus doesn't explode or break into a thousand tiny pieces . it simply leaves the road and silently slips beneath the surface of a frozen lake . it's a horrifying sequence made all the more so by calm and distance . using a non-linear approach to his narrative , egoyan shifts back and forward in time , connecting us with the inhabitants of the small british columbian town who have been severely affected by this tragedy . fourteen children died in the accident , leaving their parents and the town itself paralyzed with grief . the catalyst at the center of the film is ambulance chaser mitchell stephens ( a wonderfully moving performance by ian holm ) , who comes to sam dent to persuade the townsfolk to engage in a class action suit . stephens , who " doesn't believe in accidents , " functions as a concerned , involved observer , scribbling details in his notebook and providing the parents with an opportunity to reach some kind of closure in the harrowing aftermath . while stephens' initial drive may be financial ( one third of the total settlement if he wins ) , his involvement provides him more with an outlet to come to grips with his own loss . his self-destructive , drug-addicted daughter has been in and out of clinics , halfway houses and detox units for years . egoyan's attention to detail and ability to establish mood are so impeccable that even the sound of a kettle boiling resonates like a plaintive cry . mychael danna , who composed the shimmering music for " the ice storm , " contributes another memorable score that shivers and tingles . equally impressive is paul sarossy's cinematography , capturing the imposing canadian mountainsides and low-hanging fogs as splendidly as his shadowy interiors--in one scene a bright wall calendar serves to illuminate portions of a room . " the sweet hereafter , " while undeniably grim , urges the viewer to grab onto life with both hands and not let go . it's a film of generous subtlety and emotion .

" a man is not a man without eight taels of gold . " starring sammo hung , sylvia chang ; directed by mabel cheung ; written by cheung and alex law ; cinematography by bill wong eight taels of gold begins as a fish out of water story and at some point becomes a love story involving two people whose past choices prevent the fruition of their love . neither aspect of the movie is entirely successful , but both are good enough . and along the way there is one perfect scene , which is one more than you find in most films . slim ( played by portly sammo hung , better known as a star and director of hong kong action movies ) is a chinese immigrant who drives a yellow cab in new york . when the movie opens , we see him shouting obscenities at another taxi driver . he does not seem particularly out of place . in fact , he is about to return to visit his home in rural china for the first time in sixteen years , spending most of his life savings in the process , and it is there that he will become the proverbial fish out of water , as he realizes that you can never go home . he brings with him some statue of liberty cigarette lighters , cheap sunglasses , and lobsters ( which have to be large , to prove they're american ) --the tokens of his success . he also wears a gold chain and a gold watch , because without eight taels of gold , a man is not a man ( my dictionary tells me that taels are a unit of weight used in the far east , and i assume the phrase is a chinese proverb ) . he loses most of this stuff--except the gold--when his van crashes into a river and he has to hitch a ride , so to speak , on a raft along the river which runs past his parents' village . when he arrives unannounced , he almost induces cardiac arrest in his father . all of this has the makings of a routine comedy , and the movie has its amusing moments , as when the villagers take turns giving slim gifts during a celebration of his homecoming , and they all give him birds , so by evening's end he is surrounded by turkeys , ducks , geese and other sundry fowl . but eight taels is not a comedy--it is a sad , sweet story about the choices people make , and how they are sometimes irreparable . director mabel cheung ( an autumn's tale , the soong sisters ) sees clearly what it is like to have lived half of your life in one country and half in a country on the other side of the world--what it is like to no longer have a place to call home . slim does not belong in china , nor does he belong in america , where he can barely speak the language . seeing water buffalo in the fields and rafts poled down the river and fireworks exploding gloriously in the sky over a small village , we come to know the world slim left behind , and it seems as if he too is knowing it for the first time , and wishes it felt more like home . the condition of the expatriate is eloquently portrayed ; i , being one , was sympathetic . on his way to his parent's village , slim hooks up with jenny ( sylvia chang ) , whom he knew when she was a girl nicknamed odds-and-ends , which is what he continues to call her , although she is now a mature , professional , attractive woman , to be married in the spring to an american-chinese man . slim and odds-and-ends fall for each other . that's predictable . the manner in which their ( non- ) romance is played out is not . the emotions involved are adult and complex , and the film avoids cheap solutions to their dilemma . it's typical , for instance , that the fianc ? in this sort of plot be a colossal jerk , because it makes it easier to empathize with the unrequited lover . but here the fianc ? is a decent , ordinary guy , and although slim would like to feel anger , he cannot . the fianc ? has done nothing wrong ; the situation is the result of bad luck or bad decisions , take your pick . eight taels has its share of flaws ( the early sequences in america and on the plane to china are especially weak ) , but it compensates with insight . when odds-and-ends tells slim that her future husband wants to move to san francisco , she notes resignedly , " it's all the same . wherever we go , we'll be in chinatown , " and her straightforward statement expresses much . there is insight , too , in the understanding of the consequences of slim and odds-and-ends' decisions : he to move to america , she to marry a chinese-american . both their choices were perhaps born of impatience , perhaps of a sense that the grass is always greener--and it turns out that both choices were wrong . but they cannot undo them ; they must live with what they have done . such is life . the movie is tender toward these people , but it offers no false comforts . everything that is right and true about eight taels comes together in one great scene , which is the culmination of the love story . slim and odds-and-ends sit in a secluded spot and talk hesitantly , with the muted pop-pop of fireworks exploding in the night behind them , and it seems the conversation will lead to a kiss . the exchange that follows , and what slim then does , is poignant and perfect : with clarity and understatement , we see two people's lives , their heartbreaks and virtues , summed up in a single moment . yes , the film is flawed , but moments like that justify most of its inadequacies .

on the basis of this film alone , i never would have predicted that , in two years , quentin tarantino would become the country's biggest hotshot director . reservoir dogs has hints of the tarantino brilliance that emerged in pulp fiction , but is a much less substantive , more conventional crime story than the big pf . here's what the two movies do have in common . . . --scenes of intelligent , amusing dialogue with no relevance to the plot --a story that jumps back and forth in time rather than going in a logical , chronological sequence --graphic yet necessary violence --an engaging crime story --dialogue liberally spiced with swear words and racial/gender slurs --three of the same actors ( harvey keitel , tim roth and steve buscemi ) --a mexican standoff ending , although this one is considerably less optimistic than pf reservoir dogs is an entire hour shorter than pulp fiction because it's only got one story to tell rather than three . crime lord joe cabot ( veteran actor lawrence tierney ) has assembled five criminals who have never even met each other to pull a diamond store heist . the five are instructed not to reveal their real names or personal details or anything the cops could use if one of them was captured and interrogated . instead , they are all given code names off the color chart -- mr . white ( keitel ) , mr . pink ( buscemi ) , mr . orange ( roth ) , mr . blonde ( michael madsen ) , mr . brown ( tarantino ) and mr . peach ( tarantino's chin ) . most of the movie's running time is spent with mr . white and pink waiting at a warehouse for the others to arrive . mr . orange , meanwhile , is on the floor , dying from a gunshot wound . the police had arrived at the scene of the crime way too soon , leading white to believe one of the five was an informant . the story's background unfolds through a series of flashbacks , of the crime itself and the meetings between joe and the criminals prior to the crime . eventually , blonde arrives with a police officer hostage , and what follows is a truly brutal , uncomfortable torture scene . let's just say picasso would be inspired by what blonde does to the cop's ear . a lot of the time , reservoir dogs seems like your typical gangster heist-gone-wrong movie , but there are a few sequences that are uniquely tarantino . the opening scene in the coffee shop starts the movie off on a high note the rest of it doesn't live up to , as the criminals plus joe have a conversation on , among other things , tipping philosophies and their interpretations of madonna's " like a virgin . " another scene involves roth's lengthy manufactured story about running into a group of cops and a police dog in a bus station bathroom while carrying a giant bag of marijuana . neither of these have much plot relevance but are given ample time to develop , like the captain koons gold watch speech in pulp fiction , only here these sequences are more enjoyable than the rest of the movie . reservoir dogs is good but it's no pulp fiction .

the most popular trend of the last couple of years has been the twist ending . watching one of these movies , everything seems to make sense until suddenly you are blown away by an unexpected surprise . when the film ends , there is a moment of confusion , then recollection , then some more confusion , then possibly a second viewing for clarification . this is a description of an ideal twist that perfects everything it sets out to do and more . good surprises make movies fun to watch . then there are the bad twists . you either know what is going to happen ten minutes into the movie ( i'm talking about you reindeer games ) or you did not guess the ending because it is so outrageously stupid . screwed perfectly suits the latter description . what starts out as a dumb guilty pleasure which should be fun to mock with a group of friends ends with a complex finale with way too much going on . by the writers of man on the moon and the people vs . larry flynt , scott alexander and larry karaszewski leave milos forman behind and take a stab at film directing . whoops . screwed is an inane christmas carol gone berserk with few genuine laughs and many acting embarrassments . norm macdonald stars as willard filmore , a hard working chauffeur who just wants a little respect from his rich , old , insidious boss , miss crock ( elaine stritch ) . when he overhears her plans to fire him on christmas day , willard is convinced by his best friend rusty ( dave chapelle ) to kidnap crock's beloved dog and hold it for a ransom of one million dollars . too excited to pay any attention , the hapless losers' plan goes awry when the dog escapes and returns home . now crock thinks willard has been kidnapped and the two friends , realizing they can make even more money , decide to stage the fake kidnapping . of course , everything that could go wrong does . the first forty-five minutes of screwed is harmless entertainment - a guilty pleasure that should be enjoyably bad . but the convoluted script eventually builds into a disaster that is impossible to bear . the more idiotic these characters get , the more reckless the script becomes . at one point , i wanted to get out of my seat and yell at these characters : " no , you idiot ! " i'm not just talking about willard and rusty , who were extremely annoying , i'm also talking about the cops in this film . a monkey could have solved this case within an hour but these guys ( headed by murder one's daniel benzali ) were just too clueless to forgive . they give real cops bad names . also poor danny devito apparently does not know how to turn down a role these days . looking almost identical to his penguin in batman : returns , every time he appeared on the screen i had to shake my head in disbelief . he just didn't belong in this movie . macdonald and chapelle are veterans at these kinds of movies but devito made the film much worse than it already was , gross out humor is certainly not his forte . if you're a fan of norm macdonald's other chaotic comedy , dirty work , you might actually love this near-sequel . otherwise , don't get screwed out of your hard-earned money .

roman emperor marcus aurelius ( richard harris ) chooses his trusted general maximus ( russell crowe ) as his successor . however the emperor's evil son commodus ( joaquin phoenix ) murders his father before the announcement can be made , and maximus ( as well as his family ) is sentenced to be executed . maximus is able to escape his executioners , but is later captured and sold as a slave to proximo ( oliver reed ) . proximo is looking for gladiators to earn himself money ( he being a former gladiator himself ) , and maximus reluctantly uses his skills to prove himself a powerful gladiator . when emperor commodus announces that new games will be held in the colisseum , proximo takes his gladiators there to do battle . maximus sees this as his chance to exact revenge on commodus . gladiator begins with a great battle sequence between the roman army and germania , and actually is able to maintain interest during the now required " 40 minutes of exposition after a kick ass opening sequence " style of moviemaking . the only downfall of the opening sequence is the editing style used . . . it's choppy slow-motion which is unsettling and distracting . it's similar to the opening sequence in saving private ryan , but nowhere near as effective . the actual gladiator battles are thrilling , but also a bit disjointed . many times it's unclear as to exactly what's going on . . . all the audience can tell is that blood is being spilled . we're not sure who's blood or by who's hand though . there's an instance of this earlier in the film too that's disappointing . it's comes when maximus escapes his executioners . some flashes and a few quick cuts later and maximus is free . . . but i still don't know exactly how he did it . russell crowe should have become a major star after his gleefully over the top role as a computer generated serial killer in 1995's virtuosity . for whatever reason his stardom never arrived . . . but he should have it now . from here on moviegoers should now be able to say , " let's go see the new russell crowe movie " . he gets the best scene in the film ( and one of the best moments of all recent movies ) when he reveals his identity to commodus in the colisseum . it's both rousing and chilling . joaquin phoenix does a very effective job of making commodus a person and not just a cartoon character ( which could have easily happened ) . commodus is conniving , sneaky and whiny , but phoenix never lets the character get silly . it's a very good ( and very creepy ) performance . oliver reed died during the filming of gladiator , and it's a huge loss to the acting world . i've always been fascinated with reed . . . he's one of those very talented performers who once had a fine career but ended up in direct to video junk during his twilight years . it's ironic that this film probably would have gotten him back into real movies again , as he gives a fun and sincere performance . the film is dedicated to him , and he will surely be missed . reed's death presented the filmmakers with an obvious problem , as he still had scenes to be completed . rather than recast the role ( and end up reshooting a great deal of footage ) , a digital version of oliver reed was created at a reported cost of 2 million dollars . ironically , that was probably more money than reed ever earned for a single film . anyway , this digital effect is only used in one scene that i am aware of ( for about twenty seconds ) and if you aren't looking for it you won't even be able to tell . some of the other digital effects are less convincing however . . . and like i always say , noticable digital effects take me out of a movie immediately . it's sad that such a good film has these distractions . movies like the fall of the roman empire and spartacus seemed to do okay without the use of computer effects . keep in mind that gladiator is based on real people and real events , but is entirely a work of fiction . however it's a work of fiction that's great entertainment , and another film to add to the list of damn fine flicks released in 2000 a . d .

scream 2 isn't quite as clever as its predecessor , but it fills the gap with a cutting wit . death -- even gruesome , bloody death -- can be funny if handled the right way ( some will be offended by this statement , but you need look no further than pulp fiction for an example ) . and , while there's plenty of horror to go around in scream 2 , the latest '90s slasher flick incarnation , there are also a few laughs to be had . scream 2 is a slice-and-dice movie for those who don't take their horror too seriously . the success of the original scream took everyone in the industry by surprise . the unexpected blockbuster , whose gross soared over the $100 million mark during its six month release window , opened just about a year ago and turned into one of the most profitable horror films of all time . a sequel was inevitable ; fortunately , nearly the entire creative team has returned for scream 2 , including director wes craven , screenwriter kevin williamson , and actors neve campbell , courtney cox , david arquette , jamie kennedy , and liev schreiber . as stipulated by one of the " rules of sequels " uttered by a movie- obsessed character in the film , the body count in scream 2 is higher than that in the original . paradoxically , there's a lot less gore . there is blood , of course , but nothing excessive by slasher-movie standards , and there are no depictions of spilled entrails . craven has remembered that scares are more important that graphic displays of human insides and bodily fluids . a second strength of scream 2 is that it features a gallery of legitimate characters rather than a group of cardboard cut-out stereotypes lined up for slaughter . after all , we've known some of these people for two movies -- it's almost impossible not to care about them at least a little . scream 2 opens approximately two years after the original . as in the first picture , there's a slick , self-mocking prologue . this time , the victims are jada pinkett and omar epps , whose characters are visiting a local theater for a preview screening of the movie stab ( which is based on the " true life " events of scream ) . some of the smartest dialogue comes during this sequence as pinkett bemoans the lack of african american participation in horror films ( it's surely no coincidence that , in addition to pinkett and epps , scream 2 features two black characters ) . shortly thereafter , she and her boyfriend have been gutted , signaling the beginning of a series of copycat murders . craven lets loose a burst of tongue-in-cheek creativity for the " movie within a movie " sequences . they give him an opportunity to openly parody scream -- an act that he accomplishes with great panache . stab features heather graham in the " casey becker " role ( played in the original by drew barrymore ) and tori spelling as " sidney prescott " ( neve campbell ) . sadly , we only see a couple of scenes from stab . it would have been a little more fun , i think , had craven used joe dante's approach from matinee and shown lengthy excerpts from his satirical production . following the prologue , we are re-introduced to sidney prescott , who has left her sleepy hometown to go to windsor college . her friend randy ( jamie kennedy ) is a student there as well , and he's just as knowledgeable about horror films as ever . once the double murder at stab becomes big news , the media converges on windsor , looking to interview the original victim . at the head of the flock of vultures is gale weathers ( courtney cox ) , who has a little surprise for sidney . she has brought cotton weary ( liev schreiber ) , the man sidney falsely accused of murder , with her . also arriving at the college is deputy dewey ( david arquette ) , who is there to act as a big brother to sidney during this latest round of tribulations . in addition to the survivors from the original scream , the field of potential victims is well-populated . there's a blond co-ed named cece ( sarah michelle gellar , who has now appeared in two of williamson's movies -- this one and i know what you did last summer ) ; sidney's requisite boyfriend , derek ( jerry o'connell ) ; a local newswoman ( laurie metcalf ) ; gale's new cameraman ( duane martin ) ; a british drama teacher ( david warner ) ; and several sorority sisters and would-be sorority sisters ( portia de rossi , rebecca gayheart , elise neal , marisol nichols ) . ultimately , there are lots of attractive corpses . from the stab scenes to lines like " brothers don't last long in situations like this , " craven and williamson are clearly having a lot of fun with scream 2 , and the movie is enjoyable , if a little overlong ( the livelier first hour is better than the second ) . their resolution to the obligatory " whodunit ? " is less of a letdown than it could be , and knowingly offers a wink and nod at past unmasking scenes . ( " nice twist , " quips the killer . " didn't see it coming , didya ? " ) one senses , however , that , by the end of this picture , the overall concept of a hip , self-referential slasher film has been played out . supposedly , there's going to be a scream 3 , but , if the film makers don't come up with something radical , we could end up with a classic case of sequel overkill .

there are scenes in " the big hit " that are so awful , they simply defy description . the movie is infected with the same kind of blunderheaded idiocy and misplaced confidence that made " last action hero " ( 1993 ) such a chore to sit through . presumably , " the big hit " is an action-comedy , a difficult but not impossible genre to pull off . movies of this sort require a fine balance and careful tone , and the comedy is usually meant to work as catharsis for the violence . " lethal weapon 2 " ( 1989 ) is a perfect example of an action thriller that was also very , very funny . unfortunately , in " the big hit , " it seems that comedy is the main motive , and the violence is only intended to punctuate the laughs . unfortunately , there are no laughs . the movie resembles some of the goofy , throwaway ridiculousness of early jackie chan films , but it doesn't benefit from chan's incredible stunts and goofy , charismatic presence . instead , we are left with a lot of digital effects and mark wahlberg , who must have considered himself invincible after his critically-acclaimed performance in last year's " boogie nights . " however , if he wants to maintain a decent career , he had better start selecting his projects more carefully - movies like this are a sure-fire recipe for a long career in the straight-to-video market . wahlberg plays melvin smiley , an amiable guy who also happens to be a professional hitman ( see " grosse pointe blank " for the same character , much better developed ) . the movie wants us to think , " gee how clever and ironic - a guy who can kill without any moral implications , and yet he can't stand for anyone not to like him . " the fact is , melvin is so desperate to keep people from not liking him , that he puts up with both an obnoxious fiancee ( christina applegate , with a horrendous new york accent ) and an abusive girlfriend ( lela rochon ) who is only using him for his money . his constant bending over backwards to please people makes him a complete patsy at best , and a thoroughly unbelievable character at worst . melvin is employed exclusively by a crime boss named paris ( avery brooks ) as part of a team of hitmen , which also includes cisco ( lou diamond phillips ) and crunch ( bokeem woodbine ) . one day , melvin agrees to do some moonlighting with cisco by kidnapping the teenage daughter of a rich japanese mogul named jiro nishi ( sab shimono ) for a million dollar ransom . however , not only has jiro nishi lost all his money producing a big hollywood movie ( inside joke , get it ? ) , but his kidnapped daughter , keiko ( china chow ) , also happens to be paris' goddaughter . so , when paris finds out she's been kidnapped , he takes it personally and becomes determined to find out who did it . not knowing the cisco is actually behind the whole scheme , paris puts him in charge of rooting out the kidnapper . of course cisco blames the whole thing on poor , innocent melvin . along the way , there are several obligatory gunfights , explosions , and car chases , plus a literal cliffhanger inspired by " jurassic park , " and a completely unconvincing romance between melvin and keiko ( who looks like she's barely pushing fifteen ) . what the movie passes off as humor resorts to thoroughly unfunny jokes about overweight jewish mothers , hara-kiri , drinking problems , leaking body bags , and a running gag about how crunch has recently discovered the pleasures of masturbation , and now spends all his time doing hand exercises . not to mention the pimply video store clerk who is always calling melvin and screeching about how he needs to return his copy of " king kong lives , " which is two weeks overdue . this mess of a movie was helmed by che-kirk wong , the latest hong kong director imported by john woo ( " face/off " ) , who also served as executive producer . woo needs to stop acting as a conduit for other directors , and start making more of his own films . wong , who directed such films as " rock'n'roll cop " back in hong kong , is completely tone deaf when it comes to comedy . maybe jokes about vexatious video clerks and vomiting on other people are funny across the ocean , but they're not here , at least in the manner wong handles them . many of the problems can be traced back to the script , which was penned by obvious freshman writer ben ramsey . in addition to his vague characterizations and uninspired action sequences , ramsey's script assaults the audience with his attempts to copy the vulgar , poetic rhythms of tarantino or mamet-style dialogue . what he comes out with is just a lot of annoying blather , most of which spews from the lips of lou diamond phillips ( whose favorite phrase is " it's all love " ) and robin dunne , who plays cisco's stuttering , black-wannabe assistant . the irritation factor of phillips and dunne combined is almost off the scale , which can pretty much describe the film as a whole .

robert redford's a river runs through it is not a film i watch often . it is a masterpiece -- one of the better films of recent years . until 1994 , it was my second favorite film of all time . the acting and direction is top-notch -- never sappy , always touching . a friend of mine once reported that he avoided it because " i was afraid it would just be really politically correct , and tick me off . " all i could do was tell him to go in unbiased , and enjoy . it is one of the few movies that has completely reduced me to tears . but certain memories should not often be rereleased -- in the last few shots , you have to cry . upon my first viewing i left bawling . it is not flawless -- but it is so very good , that you can't help but be effected . the opening is dangerously nolstalgic and sentimental -- watching these shots of people who have been dead so long , gives you a feeling of perspective and history observation that you will find in very few other films . martin scorsese once described the movies as a dream state -- like taking dope , and immersing yourself in an alternative world . that is what a river runs through it does . it exploits the unique power of cinema to engross you and help to forget your real self . both times i've seen it , its been hard ( again to quote scorsese ) waking up . but the dream is lovely .

a follow-up to disney's live-action " 101 dalmatians " that's better , more entertaining than the first ? just as unlikely . with " 102 dalmatians , " the disney studios have proven that when it comes to going to the dogs , more is definitely * not * the merrier . 1996's " 101 dalmatians " certainly wasn't the greatest movie-going experience of all time , but it did feature glenn close in an outrageous , larger-than-life performance . in addition , we had two amiable leads in the form of jeff daniels and joely richardson , and lots and lots of adorable spotted puppies . this time around there seem to be fewer puppies on the screen , and close's facial and physical gyrations are starting to feel as old as the 53-year-old actress under that startling black and white wig of hers . but that's only half the problem with kevin lima's laborious film . what makes " 102 dalmatians " such a collosal bore is its embarrassing attempts at humor ( here almost single-handedly foisted on a wisecracking macaw who thinks he's a dog , voiced by eric idle ) , its rabid plotlessness ( cruella goes after puppies again ; winds up in goo again ) and most of all , the incredibly wooden actors who plays the romantic " heroes " of the piece , a welshman named ioan gruffudd and the blander-than-bland alice evans as a parole officer named chlo ? . gruffudd is cute and harmless , perhaps , but evans can't even aspire to that . the dogs upstage them both , of course , but in the case of evans , even close's split ends are more animated . bad acting , however , seems to be a requirement for this sequel , since g ? rard depardieu shows up as a french furrier with a haircut like robert de niro's in " men of honor . " jean pierre le pelt is a flamboyant fashion designer with a penchant for fine furs and depardieu's over-the-top antics mimic those of the campy close flail for flail , and wail for wail . france's most popular export besides brie has long since turned into a caricature of himself , and in " 102 dalmatians " the producers milk that realization for all it's worth--le pelt likes to refer to the furry little critters as " poopies , " par example ( and ad nauseum ) . the finesses of the script ( attributed to four screenwriters no less , and far removed from anything dodie smith ever dreamed up ) are quickly dispensed with , since all it takes for a paroled cruella to be shaken from her years of successful aversion therapy in the slammer is the tolling of big ben ( ? ) . that done , it's back to the mansion to roll around in her heretofore off-limits sables and minks and a plan to skin those little dahlings for the sake of a hooded designer gown . the dogs are pretty cute--try making a puppy look otherwise--but that's pretty much all they are . there's always the feeling that there's a trainer off in the wings , coaxing the dogs to open doors , or pick up their food bowls in unison , or pop a tape into the videocasette recorder . savvy holiday goers should skip " 102 dalmatians " and pop the original 1961 animated classic into * their * vcrs instead . it's one dalmatian less , but 101% more satisfying .

in 1998 , director brett ratner and his stars , jackie chan and chris tucker , breathed new life into the buddy-action film genre with the cross-cultural " rush hour " - to the tune of about $250 million . you don't mess with success , so the team is back again , and better , in " rush hour 2 . " the combo of the terrific physical talents of chan and the non-stop motor mouth of tucker made for an ethnically unusual duet in " rush hour " that played well to audiences around the world . the formula worked so well , in fact , that the sequel was inevitable . i'm never thrilled with the idea of a follow-up to a successful original since they rarely meet the previously set expectations . surprisingly , " rush hour 2 " wastes no time getting down to business and turns out to be better than the flick that spawned it . the script , by jeff nathanson ( utilizing the characters developed by ross lamanna in the first film ) , wastes no time getting to the point right from the start . terrorists have bombed the us embassy in hong kong , killing two american translators , and chief inspector lee ( jackie chan ) is handed the job of solving the crime . concurrently , his friend james carter ( chris tucker ) arrives on the island for some much needed r&r and expects his friend to spend some time and show him the sights . instead , lee drags carter into the case and the duo get involved in stopping a conspiracy to counterfeit hundreds of million of us dollars . the makers of " rush hour 2 " are working at a distinct advantage over the original . we , the viewer , are familiar with the two lead characters and the already-existing chemistry that chan and tucker developed so well the first time around . that chemistry was a high point ( and probably the saving point ) before and , now , the pair wears their friendship like a comfortable suit . little time is wasted in getting to know the key players so the screenplay capitalizes on those things we liked best in " rush hour . " first and foremost to me , in " rh2 , " is the immense pleasure in watching jackie chan's artistry in fight choreography . the 47-year old martial arts master has a renowned reputation for doing all of his own stunt work and , here , he does not disappoint . chan's use of props when battling bad guys continues as he pulverizes his opponents with whatever item comes to hand , such as a trash bucket . his moves look every bit as good as they ever did as he fights four or five nemesis at once on bamboo scaffolding , on the tail end of a yacht , in a hong kong massage parlor and , for the finale , in a las vegas casino . like harold lloyd or buster keaton , chan takes pride in putting his physical self on the line in pursuit of his artistry and is a joy to watch . chris tucker reprises his role as the motor mouthed la cop , carter , who teams , again , with lee to put down the bad guys . when he is unceremoniously pulled from his vacation to help his colleague and friend with the big case , he still looks to have some fun . when lee goes into a karaoke bar , the lair of chief bad guy ricky tan ( john lone ) and his hoods , carter takes the spotlight on stage with a credible michael jackson riff . the comedian made the move from the improv stage to the big screen and , with jackie chan , has a franchise to hang his coat on to pay the bills . the combo of chan's flying feet and fists with tucker's fast mouth make a duet more endearing than riggs and murtaugh in the " lethal weapon " films . the supporting cast is here to move things along efficiently . john lone , as ricky tan , is a suave villain who is the real power behind the throne of american bigwig steven reign ( alan king in a walk through performance ) . lone doesn't chew scenery or make pronouncements to " get lee and carter , " but gives the chief bad guy elegance . zhang zi-yi ( " crouching tiger , hidden dragon " ) continues to display her martial arts skills as ricky's taciturn henchlady , hu li , who carries on an ongoing battle with carter . ( carter has a problem , through most of the film , with hitting a woman , but this falls aside with their eventual one-on-one melee at the conclusion . ) roselyn sanchez is knockdown gorgeous ( and resembles sandra bullock ) as undercover agent isabella molina - she doesn't add much to the equation but is terrific to watch . director ratner and the original " rush hour " production team have assembled a crew of skilled craftsmen to work behind the camera . cinematographer matthew f . leonetti has had a long career of shooting action flicks and gives " rh2 " the fluid camera movement the genre film needs . production design by terrence marsh spans continents and gives the right look , whether it is in a hong kong karaoke bar or a high stakes las vegas casino . the rest of the techs are of the same high quality . i'm surprised to even say that " rush hour 2 " is the most entertaining of the summer blockbuster movies . it takes the best of the first film and kicks jurassic dino butt in its fun , frolic and fast pace and is the best mainstream thing out , so far , this summer . i give it a b .

making a sequel to a widely beloved film is a weighty proposition indeed , especially when the first film is considered by many to be a masterpiece . when it comes to living up to expectations , a filmmaker is almost doomed to some degree of failure . for a sequel to live up to or even surpass the original's greatness is very rare indeed . and whereas " babe : pig in the city " misses equaling the greatness of its best picture nominated predecessor babe , it is a worthy companion piece . more than that , it is a spectacular work of art that deserves to stand alone in its own right . " babe : pig in the city " warrants the classification of being recognized with such classics like " the godfather : part ii " and " the empire strikes back " as being one of the greatest sequels ever produced . " babe : pig in the city " picks up precisely where " babe " left off . having won the sheep herding competition , farmer hoggett ( james cromwell ) and his pig are elevated to fame status . a series of unfortunate circumstances and hilariously freakish events leads to mrs . hoggett taking babe from the small country farm into the big city . in doing so , the film transports us into a wonderfully imaginative world that simultaneously mirrors and exceeds the creative design seen in the original . " babe : pig in the city " flourishes where so many sequels fail . most sequels simply rehash the events of the first film . not " babe : pig in the city " . this is a completely original tale that offers up a story drastically different than the first . also , by not being content to utilize most of the old characters , this film gives us many new ones to enjoy . in essence , it doesn't attempt to copy itself . instead , it strives to achieve an originality of its own . and it succeeds . that's not to say the familiar is absent . " babe : pig in the city " retains some of the best core elements and characters from the first film . along with babe himself , ferdinand the duck comes along for the ride , as does mrs . hoggett ( one of this decade's best and most underappreciated comic characterizations , hilariously performed by magda szubanski ) . the three singing mice also make the journey , chiming in with their cute high-pitched vocals . the story structure is also similar as each segment is introduced with title cards read by the aforementioned mice . from there , we are guided once again by roscoe lee browne's soothingly deep narrative . composer nigel westlake also returns with his whimsical music style that is perfect for cinematic fables such as these . but these elements are simply the frame that surrounds an entirely new painting . while staying at the flealands hotel , babe encounters a veritable ark-full of new animals . monkeys , kittens , and dogs of various breeds and sizes are some of the new " urbanites " that babe befriends , as well as some wonderfully comical pelicans that ferdinand the duck happens to encounter . each character is distinctly unique , some of which are imbued with personal human-like struggles that are endearing and touching . and while this world focuses largely on these animals , we are introduced to two new human characters as well . mary stein plays the owner of the flealands hotel , an animal-loving young spinster who harbors these lost creatures much to the dismaying anger of her fellow neighbors . stein's landlady is a wonderfully odd caricature . we also meet fugly floom , an old soft-spoken clown who owns many of the animals in the flealands hotel , utilizing them as a part of the act that he performs at different parties and functions . not having known who portrayed fugly floom prior to seeing the film , it came as an unexpected pleasant surprise to see who it was . so as not to ruin this well-kept secret , i won't reveal the actor's identity here . it was a treat indeed to see one of cinema's legends grace the screen again in what was a superbly gentle and heartwarming performance . the greatest triumph of " babe : pig in the city " is the art direction . simply put--it bleeds creativity , taking the look of the original film to a whole new level . restricted primarily to a farm the first time around , this second installment creates an entire city , dazzling us with unique fable-like architecture . but the stroke of pure genius by production designer roger ford is his use of our world's architectural landmarks . designing a skyline that includes the statue of liberty , the sydney opera house , the brooklyn bridge , the hollywood sign and the eiffel tower , ford has created a singular city that encompasses all of our cities ( as seen in the film photo and pre-production drawing to your right ) . added to that , many of this city's streets are the twin siblings of venice's gondola-trekked rivers . the metropolis that has sprung from ford's vision is a wondrous sight to behold . it is a world that you want to walk around in . norma moriceau's costume designs belong in this world , vibrant in color and style equal to that of the ford's landscape . most of the costumes are imaginatively cartoonish , with the most exotically grand design going to that of fugly floom's clown outfit . andrew lesnie's photography captures these elements with various lighting moods that are beautifully effective in creating the film's multiple emotional tones . much press fodder has been made over the weeks leading up to the release of " babe : pig in the city " . reports stated that its original cut was branded with a pg-13 rating . these reports were discovered to be false as it was assigned a pg rating . but even so , to be anything harsher than the original' s g rating had many parents and fans up in arms . by deleting a minimal number of shots , " babe : pig in the city " was eventually given the coveted g rating . although appeased , many fans were still concerned that it would be too dark , fearing that the film may have come to be possessed by tim burton himself . well , to coin a phrase , the reports of " babe : pig in the city " 's death at the hands of a dark , scary , felliniesque interpretation have been greatly exaggerated . granted it has its moments of pseudo-morbidity , but all-in-all " babe : pig in the city " is the funny and charming adventure that everyone was hoping it would be . whatever " dark " moments it may have can be attributed to director george miller ( the " mad max " trilogy , " the witches of eastwick " , " lorenzo's oil " ) . having served as a producer and co-writer on the first film , miller moves into the director's chair for this one , putting his own unique sense of style into this budding franchise . the story of " babe : pig in the city " is an enchanting yarn , but one that doesn't achieve the emotional or character depth of the original . missing here is the attempt to broach such heady themes as personal identity , an individual's worth , challenging conformity , and one's purpose in life . " babe " dealt with this weighty subject matter , creating a timeless fable . " babe : pig in the city " should not have rehashed these themes , but i do wish it would have attempted to explore new ones . this film is not bereft of moral or message as it parallels such issues as urban strife , class differences , sacrificial courage , and so on . but this film's goals aren't as lofty as the first's , instead choosing to take a more straightforward approach , allowing its themes to take a back seat to an exciting , sometimes intense , fable adventure that is undeniably clever and inventive . " babe : pig in the city " also decides against developing a relationship to the level of which was present in the first film , specifically the one between farmer hoggett and babe . hoggett's love for babe , which grew ever so gently , is what gave that film its charming and endearing quality . best exemplified in hoggett's dance for babe , this moving relationship was truly unique . it is something that i wish would have been present again ( and could have through fugly floom ) , but was not . please understand , these are not negative criticisms , per se' , but simply statements of what i see as the differences between " babe : pig in the city " being a very good film and the original being a great one . but having said that , these observations are minor critiques at best . as an overall piece , " babe : pig in the city " is a thoroughly enchanting and entertaining fable from beginning to end . sure , it isn't a great film , but it is an excellent one that possesses elements of greatness . it is a film that is magical with its charm and humor , exciting in its adventurous exploits , funny with its dry wit and cute voices , and breathtaking in its presentation . " babe : pig in the city " may not be moviemaking at its absolute best , but it is on level of cinematic quality that is rarely achieved or seen in cinema . as a result , if you choose to let this film pass you by , you will be missing of the year's best cinematic treats .

the film may be called mercury rising , but that title doesn't describe the trajectory taken by this motion picture , a routine thriller that combines government cover-ups with a cloying and poorly-motivated buddy story . the " hook " that is supposed to make mercury rising unique is that the young protagonist is autistic . however , aside from giving actor miko hughes a chance to win raves for his performance , this particular aspect of the film comes across as nothing more than a convenient plot device . those expecting to see even a semi-thorough exploration of the condition will be disappointed . mercury rising treats autism with the same degree of efficiency that many action thrillers accord to alcoholism . the script for mercury rising is exceptionally tiresome and hard- to-swallow . i don't know whether the problem is in the original book , simple simon , or in the screenplay adaptation , but this movie easily exceeds the intangible threshold beyond which a suspension of disbelief is no longer possible . once again , certain standby plot elements -- the high-level government conspiracy and the maverick law enforcement agent -- are recycled , and not to good effect . while bruce willis can play the action hero as well as anyone in hollywood , this particular outing leaves him marooned in situations that are characterized by too little tension and too much nonsense . the story begins with a formulaic sequence in which the tough fbi agent with a heart of gold , art jeffries ( bruce willis ) , is confronted with his own failure . unable to resolve a hostage crisis in time , he is forced to observe as two teenagers are shot to death . the event weighs heavily on his conscience and heavy-handedly establishes his motivation for protecting 9-year old simon lynch ( miko hughes ) when he discovers the autistic child hiding in a closet after his parents have been gunned down by the evil hit man who looks like an ex-football player . soon , art and simon are on the run from seemingly everyone -- fleeing for their lives and bonding at the same time , with the evil hit man who looks like an ex-football player always just a step behind them . along the way , they are helped by the best friend who defies orders to help out his buddy ( chi mcbride ) and the supporting female who may or may not become a love interest ( kim dickens ) . why is simon in danger and why were his parents turned into swiss cheese by the evil hit man who looks like an ex-football player ? apparently , the government has spent millions of dollars developing an ultra-secret code called " mercury . " to make sure it can't be cracked , they do the most intuitive thing possible : place a sample of it in a " nerds' puzzle magazine . " of course , no one can solve it -- no one except autistic simon , that is . when he calls the phone number listed in the solution , he gets the nsa . as a result , the cold-hearted , sneering government man ( alec baldwin ) decides that simon has to be eliminated -- for the good of the country , of course . but he hasn't counted on the tough fbi agent with a heart of gold , even though everyone in the audience has . it's hard to get worked up about a routine thriller that doesn't do anything exceptionally well , and does quite a few things rather poorly . for those who are desperate to find elements of this movie to like , mercury rising manages to manufacture tension from time-to-time , but even the most exciting scenes ( such as the one where art and simon are crouched down , avoiding passing trains ) aren't that pulse-pounding . the climactic struggle is a real ho-hum affair which leads to a finale that is painful in its obviousness . overall , director harold becker is constantly struggling ( and failing ) to generate even a moment that isn't derivative or obligatory . bruce willis' star seems to be fading . this is his fourth straight lackluster outing , following last man standing , the fifth element , and the jackal . willis isn't terrible , but this is the kind of role he can sleepwalk through , and often does . alec baldwin , combining elements of his characters from glengarry glenn ross and malice , does some scenery- chewing , but his performance is surprisingly lacking in menace . the film's real star is young miko hughes ( heather langenkamp's son in wes craven's new nightmare ) , who does as good a job as dustin hoffman playing an autistic individual , but is about 50 years younger . mercury rising joins the likes of hard rain , the replacement killers , and u . s . marshals on the heap of pallid 1998 thrillers . for those who like action and adventure in the theater , this has not been a good year . hopefully , the advent of summer will change that . until then , the best choices ( for bruce willis or any other action hero ) are on video . and , if you're determined to see mercury rising , check out the morning sky in early may .

the premise of the new teen-targeted horror film `final destination' causes a recollection of a memorable `simpsons' halloween episode . after attempting to repair a malfunctioning toaster , lovably ignorant patriarch homer realizes he has created a portable time-machine . after a trek into the cretaceous period , homer observes that any minor alteration made there will erupt into a starling chain of events and seriously modify the present world . again and again , homer toys with the master plan and pays dearly for it . the characters of `final destination' have also tampered with the blueprint schematics of their existence - their `design' . someone is after them with the strict intent of correcting the mistake . that someone is death . you see , alex browning ( devon sawa ) and six others have cheated the grim reaper . . . . but the dude has got some tricks up his sleeve . for a high school excursion , alex's french class is traveling to paris by airline transport . alex , tense and neurotic , has a shocking premonition after boarding : he sees the plane , and every passenger on it , spontaneously explode in mid-air . in a panic of sheer lunacy , alex charges his way through the aisle and demands removal from the aircraft . after a handful of others ( including one teacher ) follow and are denied admittance back onto the plane , the unwitting ? survivors' watch in horror as the plane actually explodes in the drizzling night sky . the loony vision alex experiences does actually materialize . but death won't be cheated so easily , and one by one , the survivors of flight 180 are offed in mysteriously gruesome circumstances . the grisly murder count baffles the local officials and fbi . before i delve into the meat of the review , i'd just like to confer . . . . is that one helluva premise , or what ? `final destination' , creepy beyond rational comprehension , probably reads more like an unsettling `x-files' episode than `the simpsons' - therefore , the surprise is minimal when you discover the mutual creators behind both are glen morgan and james wong . on familiar turf , the task of establishing footing is not difficult for morgan and wong , and the opening 20 minutes of `final destination' reflects that . unlike most thrillers , the set-up is crisp and cool . you just deeply , sincerely hope that the momentum won't unspool , leaving us with a second-string effort with nothing but cheap , derivative shocks . young viewers have a palpable reason to expect this kind of formula deterioration , what with `i know what you did last summer' and sequel , `idle hands' and -- a movie with a nifty premise that just plunged like an anvil -- `urban legend' . after the set-up , when i remained slouched apprehensively in my chair , i started to really have fun with `final destination' . low and behold , a teen thriller that is actually unsettling , actually suspenseful and -- yes -- actually intelligent . some splotty logic and a heap of characteristic genre flaws aside , this film is among the most refreshing and all-out enjoyable horror movies to submerge since the cutting-edge `scream' in 1996 . `final destination' stimulates the nerves and offers a exhilarating retaliation strike against all the blood-spattered slasher crap we've endured throughout the past few years . not that the characters are that good . sawa is game as alex , a connect-the-dots personality that we never fully comprehend . in addition , the survivors are endearing geek tod ( chad e . donella ) , jocky control-freak carter ( kerr smith of `dawson's creek' ) , carter's ditzy girlfriend terry ( amanda detmer ) , the none-too-subtly named billy hitchcock ( seann william scott , supplier of lukewarm comic relief ) and a lone teacher - the emotionally delicate ms . lewton ( kristin cloke ) . aside from alex , the primary center of interest is intended to be ali larter ( `varsity blues' ) , playing an abstract character named clear rivers ( what were her parents thinking ? ! ? ) . the personality of clear is written with such a vague , nebulous definition that she resembles a walking flash-card saying `hello , i am the offbeat character designed to identify with the main character's plight ! ' toss a few stereotypical fbi agents ( daniel roebuck and roger guenveur smith ) and a . . . . ummm . . . `spiritual' mortician ( former `candyman' tony todd ) into the mix , and you have what could be another generic teenage frightfest with slicing , dicing and assorted disembowelments . not so . `final destination' has no slicing and dicing , or at least none dealt by a human killer , and the thought of death itself as the unseen stalker is unique and frightening . the extra dimension of disconcerting irony rejuvenates the decaying ? murderer-on-the-loose' concept , with assistance from a shrewd , intelligently paced screenplay by morgan , wong and jeffrey reddick . the plot twists are fun and clever without toppling into utter absurdity ( listen up , `reindeer games' ) . but i suppose the most satisfying aspect of `final destination' is the murder scenes . creative , resourceful and breathlessly inventive , the death sequences involve an unlikely string of events leading to a character's demise . what will trigger the accident ? will it be the john denver record , just put on to play `rocky mountain high' ? ( yeah , sick humor ) . will it be the leaking toilet ? the falling fishing reel in the corner ? the murders are startling and largely unforeseen , including one surprise incident that made the audience jump out of their seats and giggle nervously for roughly a minute afterward . a sense of giddy unpredictability is added with this inventive approach . it gets sorta tasteless and cheap sometimes , but who cares ? it's fun . in that simple regard , `final destination' is my cup of tea . this stylishly executed thriller , although tagged with laughable circumstances and the occasional snippet of lame dialogue , is an immensely entertaining jaunt to the dark side . after the show , it will also have an frightening impact on you . when will your ? design' expire ? is death waiting around the corner ? the `final' effect is a major case of the heebie-jeebies .

synopsis : in " sooner than you think " america , the future of law enforcement resides in blade squad , a ragtag group of culturally diverse rollerblading cops with jetpacks strapped on their backs . a dangerous criminal , however , attempts to destroy blade squad after his brother dies while being chased by them . comments : so , what do an ex-gangbanger turned insubordinate traffic cop , a former prostitute with a substance abuse problem , and a junkie turned dennis rodman wannabe turned cop who crashed four police cruisers all have in common ? why , they're all members of blade squad , an elite new crimefighting unit wearing black uniforms , rollerblades , and jetpacks ! they also carry video cameras so they can communicate with one another a la the marines in james cameron's aliens . yes , it's blade squad , the fox network's wednesday night movie of the week . this " movie , " marking its dubious world premiere today , curiously has a number of guest stars . " how can a movie have guest stars ? " you may ask . well , blade squad is not really a movie so to speak but a 2 hour pilot for a possible tv series packaged as a movie . blade squad is dumb . blade squad is loud . blade squad is obnoxious . blade squad will probably be a ratings hit and spawn a long-lived tv series . why not ? after all , television has given its audience crimefighters with talking cars ( " knight rider " ) , fast helicopters ( " airwolf " ) , and super fast motorcycles ( " street hawk " ) , and viewers have eaten it up in the past . so , why not crimefighters with jet-powered roller blades ? to be honest , as a made-for-tv presentation , blade squad is at least watchable . the film has a relatively large cast of characters , a surprisingly intelligible albeit predictable script , and enough action sequences to keep one half-interested . i'd imagine adolescent males , probably the target audience of this turkey , would get a kick out of it . i tried to keep that in mind when i watched blade squad . i can remember liking " airwolf " and " street hawk " when i was 10 or 11 . and , although this isn't saying much , blade squad is leaps and bounds better than the last fox network movie i had the displeasure of wasting time on : the insipidly awful generation x ( a huge disappointment considering the comic book's terrific two-year beginning ) . but , i digress . despite its limited appeal , blade squad has a lot of kinks to work out if the movie is to become a tv series . one , it suffers from mtv syndrome : a lot of quick shots and weird angles continuously jar the viewer's senses while a near nonstop generic rock soundtrack blares incessantly in the background . oh yeah , dylan's " knockin' on heaven's door " and bowie's " i'm afraid of americans " are used here , in rather poor taste . two , blade squad needs a new crew for the sound . the substandard sound editing irritated me to no end . characters' dialogue , at times , sounded choppy and unintelligible . during one important scene , a song played loudly in the background . when a character spoke , the song's volume dropped but did not disappear . as soon as that character finished speaking , the song's volume immediately returned to its original level until the next character spoke . this sounds trivial , i'm sure , but it distracted me immensely . finally , this is commercial television . foul language is not allowed , typically , on commercial television . thus , don't use foul language in a made-for-tv production because that foul language has to be censored in some manner . in an early scene of the film , for example , the lead good guy and bad guy have a minor confrontation in the streets . when the good guy spouts out a bad word , a driver conveniently honks his car's horn off-screen to muffle the word out . in a " seinfeld " episode , this technique proved funny ; here , it seemed goofy and cut the dramatic tension considerably . perhaps future writers , if a show is spun out of the movie , could take a cue from marvel comics' 2099 series of comics . make up a bunch of new bad words for the future . this way , you don't need a bunch of honking horns or other silly devices to cover up foul language . compared to the usual crap broadcast tv networks have to offer in terms of movies , blade squad is a suitable exercise in camp . when compared to , say , a movie studio film , blade squad has a lot in common with a term which shares its initials : bs . ( review written august 12 , 1998 )

the second jackal-based film to come out in 1997 ( the other starring bruce willis was simply entitled the jackal ) , this one stars aidan quinn and donald sutherland , and is directed by a man who hailed from joblo's own alma matter , concordia university in montreal , canada . the story is based on the exploits of the real terrorist known as the jackal , but does not pretend to be 100% factual . plot : naval officer ramirez ( quinn ) gets called upon by the cia to impersonate the international terrorist known as the jackal , in order to put an end to the actual militant's radical activities . he is chosen for this role because he physically resembles the real terrorist to a tee . ramirez reluctantly agrees to take part in this " assignment " , and soon finds himself wrapped up in a true web of international terrorism , intrigue and double-personality syndrome ( which does not sit well with his uninformed wife and kids back in the states . ) critique : great premise is executed with enough style and thrills to keep the piece interesting throughout its close to two-hour runtime . admittedly , i wasn't a huge fan of any of the main actors in this film , and didn't expect much from this movie beforehand , but surprisingly it did have its thrilling moments , as well as a mostly plausible and absorbing story line . the first hour is mostly just a build-up of things to come , and does offer a great characterization of the jackal , but the second hour is the one that really cranks in the cool scenes and a sweet ending . quinn was adequate in both roles as naval officer ramirez and the real jackal , but didn't offer anything extraordinary , in my opinion . sutherland and kingsley seem to be playing the same role that they've played in both of their respective careers of late , but nonetheless , appeared to relish the cold-heartedness of their chosen characters . i didn't like performance put forth from quinn's wife in this flick , but then again , she doesn't show up in most of the film , so that wasn't so bad . i did however enjoy director duguay's interesting style and cinematic vision . this thriller could easily have been boring during many sequences , but duguay always seemed to find something interesting to show the viewer . i thought that was neat . having said that , i didn't think the first hour needed to be as long as it was , and the film did have me tinkering on the bridge of believability when the " fake " jackal met with the " real " jackal's girlfriend without much retrospection on her part , but all in all , not too many complaints in a movie that could easily be enjoyed by all those who take pleasure in the spy and terrorist thriller genre . little known facts : ben kingsley's real name is krishna banji , he stands 5 " 8 , was born in scarborough , england , and won the best actor honor in 1982's academy awards presentation for the title role he portrayed in ghandi . many scenes from this film were actually shot in montreal , canada ( joblo's haven of restfulness ) . donald sutherland has fathered actor kiefer sutherland , is canadian , and apparently still owns a place in the north of montreal .

while screen adaptations of john irving's novels have been disappointingly uneven , the films have all shared one particular strength : key casting . who can forget john lithgow as roberta muldoon , the transsexual quarterback of " the world according to garp , " or nastassja kinski as susie the bear in " the hotel new hampshire " ? a lot of good casting decisions have gone into the making of " the cider house rules , " an adaptation of irving's poetic 1994 novel about a restless young man called homer wells . among those sound judgments was the decision to have the splendid tobey maguire assume the pivotal role ; the decision to cast michael caine as his mentor and father figure , dr . wilbur larch , the ether-addicted head obstetrician of the st . cloud's orphanage , maine ; and the decision to offer jane alexander and kathy baker supporting roles as his head nurses . then there are the brethren who populate the apple orchard where homer wells finds himself shortly after leaving st . cloud's , including delroy lindo , oscar ? -worthy as the foreman of the migrant work detail that drifts up and down the coast as the seasons take them . there's kate nelligan as the matriarch of the cider house , and charlize theron as candy , the lovely , lonely wife of a wwii bomber pilot ( paul rudd ) sent away on a mission overseas leaving candy to set lobster traps with homer wells , a man who's never seen the ocean before let alone a lobster . am i forgetting anyone ? yes . kieran culkin and paz de la huerta as dissolute orphanage residents who make you sit up and take notice every time they're on the screen . but with " the cider house rules , " the good people decisions don't end with the cast . irving has written his own screenplay in order to get it right this time ( last year's " simon birch , " loosely based on his " a prayer for owen meaney , " was a big-screen example of irving handled sub-standardly ) ; the author appears fleetingly as a stationmaster here . rachel portman , a composer of such sweet and lyrical tenderness , provides a score that's absolutely right for the project--sweet , lyrical , and tender . there's impressive new england photography by oliver stapleton too . last but by no means least is " my life as a dog " director lasse hallstr ? m , who shows enormous skill in pulling this collective together and helping bring irving's marvelously touching story to life . for the many beloved who pass away in " the cider house rules , " it's an extraordinarily life-affirming story . and now , thanks to these talented individuals , it's an extraordinarily life-affirming film .

there seem to be two reactions to dark city . you either love it or you are unimpressed . count me as a " love it . " as good as the crow and spawn are , dark city is better . where the former two have a specific comic-book following , the latter is an original work with the potential for broader appeal . it has a similar look to the others , but dark city is much more thoughtful and much less violent . not clever or complex , the story is still fascinating , like a selection from the twilight zone . a man ( rufus sewell ) is awakened in his bathtub by a man with a syringe . surprised , the attacker runs off . the dazed man gets out of the tub and finds a woman's body in the room . a mysterious caller warns him to leave the apartment immediately , so he packs some clothes and leaves , never sure why he's leaving or what he's fleeing . ghoulish figures in long coats recognize the man and chase him through the dark city , hounding him like figures in a nightmare . an odd blast of willpower allows the man to dream himself free from his pursuers long enough to check his i . d . the amnesiac learns that he is not dreaming and that his name is john murdoch . now if only he could remember the rest of his life . . . . dark city is good on many levels . first , the look of the movie is excellent . give credit to production designers george liddle and patrick tatopolous for creating a coherent look from diverse elements . there are visual elements from the american 1920s-60s , mixed with dickens-era urban industrial elements . it is all pulled together in a sad , dark look reminiscent of the diner in edward hopper's painting , nighthawks . proyas' use of models gives an appropriately eerie unreality to the film's world ( for not only does the audience see the city a model , but so do the ghouls ) . the look is like a cross between tim burton's batman and the bleak animation of the brothers quay . second , the editing of the film is good . the pacing is on track , and the plot is revealed , the " amnesia " explained , in satisfying increments . also , the stylized editing within each scene gives the movie a tense , caffeinated look . third , the special effects are well used . they look good , but more importantly , the right effects are used for the right job . one example stands out in my mind : the coated figures who haunt the city can attack telekinetically . a simple ripple effect is used . a more showy effect could have been chosen , but then it would have just been gratuitous . restraint was shown where necessary , letting the more critical effects look more impressive . finally , like gattaca , dark city spends a just a little effort striving for mythical significance . unlike gattaca , the story is just open-ended and non-literal enough to be successful . john murdoch's recovery from amnesia is tied to the passing of the night , and the hopeful coming of the dawn . his struggle with amnesia is both figuratively and literally the struggle of all mankind ( at least in his world ) . when we finally see the big picture of the movie's world , it is as mysterious as the iroquois image of the world being carried on the back of a giant turtle . a few minor flaws keep me from giving this movie the same perfect score roger ebert gave , but i do strongly recommend it , for its look , its pace , its story , and its timelessness .

bob the happy bastard's quickie review : the matrix what's worse than y2k ? how about a fully digital future where nothing is real ? that's what computer programmer neo ( keanu reeves ) slowly learns as he enters the dangerous world that is the matrix , a movie directed by the wachowski brothers ( the guys behind the hip thriller bound ) . before you groan at the presence of reeves in the lead role , hold on . there's actually a story with depth here . it seems that a group of hackers is out to stop the system that is the matrix , led by the bald but brilliant laurence fishburne and assisted by carrie ann moss , who looks quite cool in leather , i must say . neo ( reeves ) is pretty much a key player in this fight , although he really doesn't look it at first . could this amateur be " the one " as fisburne thinks he is ? credit the wachowskis for putting together a great story that allows suspense to build , something that few special effects-laden films seem to do these days . there's plenty of effects to go around , of course , but at least there's a backbone to build them on as well . reeves is surprisingly good in his role as neo , particularly in a fight scene with fishburne that comes across as goofy , yet great . i wish the villains weren't quite so " generic " ( leftover g-men from looking for a sweet sci-fi actioner with plenty of stop-motion swooping camera angles and , of course , a motherlode of a helicopter explosion . now the wachowskis are headed into horror films with their next project . bring it on .

when walt disney pictures announced a live-action feature based on the '60s cartoon series of " mr . magoo , " special interests groups representing the vision-impaired let out a cry of dismay . mr . magoo , they claimed , would be an insult to the men and women they represented . in fact , they were wrong . mr . magoo is not just an insult to the blind and near-blind , it's an insult to every human being who has the misfortune to suffer through this dreadfully unfunny , 90 minute atrocity . it's stating the obvious to remark that disney appears to have run out of original ideas . look at their roster of 1996 and 1997 releases , and you'll see a shocking list of retreads , including 101 dalmatians , george of the jungle , jungle2jungle , that darn cat ! , flubber , and now mr . magoo . the best of these ( george of the jungle ) was mildly entertaining . the worst , mr . magoo , exposes just how painful a bad movie experience can be . the first problem with mr . magoo is the script . despite the collaboration of naked gun scribe pat proft , mr . magoo is comically barren . from beginning to end , there's not a laugh to be found . every attempt at humor -- and there are lots of them -- falls flat with an audible thud . you'd think that out of the dozens of gags jammed into this film , at least a few would work , but that's not the case . i've had more laughs during ingmar bergman pictures . then there's leslie nielsen , who looks , sounds , and acts absolutely nothing like the animated character ( memorably voiced by jim backus ) . in the past , nielsen has proven his comic aptitude with roles in movies like airplane and the naked gun . lately , however , he has been getting lazy , taking parts in the likes of dracula : dead and loving it , spy hard , and mr . magoo . even if nielsen was in top form , it would take an incredible stretch of imagination to see him as magoo ( especially since we're reminded of the original by the short cartoon segments that open and close the film ) , but " top form " is not a phrase i would use to describe his performance here . this is strictly a take-the-money-and- run operation . the story , which , like many disney stories , can be described in one long sentence : magoo is the only witness to the theft of a rare jewel from a museum , and , as he is trying to apprehend the thieves on his own , the police mistake him for the robber . the cops are played by ernie hudson and stephen tobolowsky , who take their lumps early and often . the bad guys are kelly lynch ( who does a lot of martial arts-type kicking ) , nick chinlund , and malcolm mcdowell ( who has the good sense to look embarrassed ) . matt keeslar portrays one of magoo's sidekicks -- his nephew , waldo . the bumbling man's other , more interesting companion is a dog named angus . most of mr . magoo's humor comes in the form of failed slapstick . the cartoon violence level in this film doesn't approach that of home alone 3 or flubber , but it's still pretty acute , with characters getting hit on the head with sledgehammers and knocked off snowy precipices . there's a non-violent bit with magoo preparing a chicken dinner that could have been funny if it was handled better , but , compared to mr . bean's recent , similar misadventure , it doesn't hold up well . then there is the series of lame jokes that result from magoo's near blindness , such as the occasion when he mistakes a wild animal for a baby . i'm willing to cut director stanley tong a little slack . tong , a hong kong film maker trying to break into the hollywood market , has helmed several jackie chan movies , including first strike , rumble in the bronx , and supercop . his chief talent , that of choreographing martial arts fights , is wasted here ( despite some high kicking by kelly lynch ) . like john woo ( hard target ) and ringo lam ( maximum risk ) before him , it appears that tong has been consigned to the purgatory of making a bad movie as his entry into the american mainstream . it is worth noting that , unlike many disney films which hold a perverse appeal for the under-10 crowd while driving parents to distraction , mr . magoo appears to bore viewers of all ages . the screening i attended was wall-to-wall kids , and , for the most part , they didn't seem to be enjoying themselves . when the film was over , i asked one little girl what she thought of it . her pained expression confirmed the adage that a picture can indeed be worth a thousand words . mr . magoo is the kind of movie that should be rejected by any potential viewer , sight unseen .

" i know what you did last summer , " the first high-profile slasher thriller to be released after 1996's " scream , " and written by the same screenwriter , kevin williamson , is a stylish , effective horror film that became 1997's biggest hit of the fall season . while " scream " was a more knowing film about the genre , " i know what you did last summer " is more reminiscent of a straight-forward slasher flick , but it is far more intelligent than such bottom-of-the-barrel guilty pleasures as all nine of the " friday the 13th " films ( well , okay , " jason goes to hell " was pure hell to sit through ) . the film starts off with four talented , aspiring teenage friends who have just graduated from high school in their small boating town of southport , n . c . it is the 4th of july , and they will soon be heading their separate ways . kind-hearted julie ( jennifer love hewitt ) , and outsider ray ( freddie prinze jr . ) will be headed off to college , while helen ( sarah michelle gellar ) , who has just been honored croaker queen in the town , and her ignorant jock boyfriend , barry ( ryan phillippe ) , are going to new york to become an actress and football player . when the four of them travel to a nearby mountain-side beach for the evening , they are dismayed after hitting a man in the road on their way home . distraught and confused , they decide they can't go to the police because they will be charged with manslaughter , so they devise a plan to throw the apparently dead victim off a peer into the ocean , in hopes no one will find him . julie is apprehensive about it , but is forced into it by barry . switch to exactly a year later , julie , still unable to come to terms with what she did , reluctantly returns home from college to find that all three of her old friends are still in the town because their career plans did not work out . almost immediately , julie recieves an ominous letter that simply reads , " i know what you did last summer , " and that is the start of their problems as they find themselves being terrorized by a mysterious figure dressed in fisherman gear and yielding a giant hook . " i know what you did last summer , " is a successful horror film for a number of reasons . the cinematography by denis crossan could very well be described as hitchcockian , as it put shadows , fog , steam , and other clever devices to add atmosphere to the proceedings . the characters , particularly julie and helen , are realistically written , and the film amazingly deals with their broken relationship in a few scenes , which is largely uncharacteristic in films of this sort . and last , the film creates a few dazzling and scary set-pieces that are some of the most memorable i've seen in a horror movie , particularly the suspenseful , superbly shot sequence involving helen at her family's store with the killer inside with her . perhaps the best character is that of missy egan ( anne heche ) , a lonely backwoods woman whose brother was the one julie thinks they hit . heche's performance is a standout , as she is able to create a full character in only about ten minutes of screen time . " i know what you did last summer , " could have been a great horror movie if not for a few problems . prinze jr . gives a performance to be desired here , and much of his dialogue sounds wooden coming out of his mouth . also , the climax of the film almost completely loses its frightening grip after it unveils the mystery killer , who is a decidedly bad actor and should not have been given any lines . luckily , the penultimate scene saves the disappointing finale , which includes an expertly crafted " jump-in-your-seat " scare . in the main roles , hewitt and gellar are highly talented , and hewitt , especially , is one of the best screamers i've ever heard . she honestly could give jamie lee curtis a little competition for the best " scream queen . " and gellar is touching as a young woman who , in the course of one year , finds her dream of being an actress ultimately shattered . although not up to the level of either " scream " movies , or the more recent , " urban legend , " " i know what you did last summer " is a respectable , smartly-scripted slasher film that firmly proved good horror movies were once again being made .

i actually am a fan of the original 1961 or so live-action-disney flick of the same name starring hayley mills twice as a pair of twins , separated at birth by divorcing parents , never to come in contact with the other so the parents never have to meet again . and everyone should know how i feel about remakes , especially of films i happen to enjoy ( my fallacy : unless you're going to either capture the same exact spirit of the original or do something different with it or maybe even both , just wrack your brain and come up with a * gasp * new idea ) . this remake was not originally on the top of my viewing list , and was actually quite the opposite . contemporary live-action-disney films are not one of my favorties , anyway : they're usually unfunny , alienating , and a big fat bore , at least to anyone over the age of 11 and above the iq of 10 . this one , however , is shockingly not bad . in fact , it's actually good . not the original good , but what's great about it is that it doesn't necessarily retread the original or capture the same exact spirit as it does become entertaining for the same exact reasons the original was entertaining . because it's cute and innocent fun . because it has a pretty killer plot that is endlessly fun to follow along with . because the lead star is immensely appealing . because the parents are also immensely appealing . and ( i'm repeating myself ) because it's cute and innocent fun . there's nothing too risque about it , save the plot ( the idea of separating twins and denying them the truth for years is ominously selfish , but that is precisely the point of the movie ) , and it's aimed directly at either kids , adults who want to remember the original , or young adults who want to remember what it was like to be a kid . i , personally , am somewhere between the second and third . i can vividly remember when my taste in movies wasn't so weird or diverse ( the names godard and kubrick weren't even a glimmer in my right eye back then ) , when i would tune in every sunday night for a couple years to see abc's " wonderful world of disney , " where they'd show you a live-action and/or made-for-tv disney flick an hour per week . i can remember my mom taking my sister and i along with all my friends and their mothers to see all the rereleased disney films ( like " lady and the tramp " and " pinnochio " ) . and , most sadly , i remember every single christmas , without fail , there were a barage of children's animated half-hour shows , made exclusively for the christmas season , that i wouldn't dare missing . i can even remember seeing the made-for-tv " parent trap ii " on tv one night , and after i had seen that one over and over and over again , i saw the original " parent trap . " it's more of a late childhood movie , because it deals with the issue of divorce , but it deals with it in a disney-ized version . it's playful , and witty , and charming , and if i saw it for the first time right now , having never experienced that part of my childhood , i'd probably dismiss it . i'd probably do the same for the new version of the same movie if i hadn't seen the original at such a perfect age . watching it , i could remember what fun it was to watch a disney film , and how divorce for me started to get me thinking about the possibilities of my seemingly-perfect parents splitting up , and how it affected my adolescence . and also how it brushed that fear off with a smooth stroke , and pointed out that even in the most fucked-up of situations , things could always work out if you , well , manipulate things a bit , at least for the better . this new version did that for me , but it's also charming in its own way . it has a new cast , a contemporary feel , and , for the first time in awhile for a live-action-disney flick , a tone that isn't corny or condescending , but just right . the moments that would otherwise seem corny are actually affecting in a safe kind of way . and for the first time since the original film , the kids actually know better than the foolish adults . the story is basically classic by now , repeated almost as many times as kurosawa's " the seven samurai " : a pair of twins ( played here by lindsay lohan , just like they were played by hayley mills in the original ) are separated at birth by their divorcing parents . one , annie , is sent to live with the mother ( natasha richardson , resembling her mother , vanessa redgrave , more than i had ever noticed ) in london , where she lives with her parents and her devoted , foppish butler ( simon kunz ) , as she works as a swingin' fashion designer . she grows up refined and classy , but also with a keen knowledge in sports and poker-playing . the other , hallie , is sent to northern california with her father ( dennis quaid ) to live on a vineyard with their pseudo-maid ( lisa ann walter ) , and grows up rugged yet charming . they both meet at the same camp , one that annie wants to go to to become more rugged . they feud because they look all-too similar , and are thus in tight competition , which results in some nasty pranks , which winds them in seclusion together in a private , out-of-the-way cabin . there , they become friends , then learn about eachother . once they know everything , they concoct a scheme to switch places so the one can meet the other parent , whom they've only heard of . they learn about eachother's lives in detail , they make sure they look alike ( which requires hair cutting and , notoriously , ear-piercing - a scene which is like the kiddie version of the hypodermic needle scene in " pulp fiction " ) , and when the end of summer comes , they switch and hope for the best . lindsay lohan doesn't necessarily copy the acting style of hayley mills in the original . but she comes off just as appealing as she did once . she does , though , add a couple new things : she makes the california twin a little more appealing and the london twin a bit more frank and snobbish than the snotty and proper original , respectively . she also adds on an american and british accent to each one , with one faking the other accent throughout , and if you really take notice , you can see that the fake ones' accents aren't exactly perfect . she's also incredibly appealing , not merely cute , which is especially notable since this is her first feature film , and we know how notorious child actors are , especially in their first films . she makes a great protagonist , and it only helps that the supporting cast is equally appealing . dennis quaid , in fact , hasn't been this likable in about a decade - his big dumb smile and near cocky attitude is what has made him a notable actor in the past , not just that he's mr . meg ryan . ditto natasha richardson ( except that she just hasn't ever been this likable period ) . the two make a winning couple , maybe not so winning as maureen o'hara and the late brian keith in the original , but they still work for this film . instead of the bickering that ensued in the original , the film adds another dimension and another angle to their characters that was amiss in the original : during the opening credits , we see glimpses from their courtship on the qe2 , where they fall quickly and madly in love with eachother , and when back together again , the film's more smarmy scenes come off as actually sentimental , but in that great way , not the migraine-inducing way as in many such films . this all brings this new " parent trap " to a level of entertainment that hasn't really existed since , well , the original film years ago , still my money the best live-action-disney flick of all time . this is because it has a form of intelligence and wit that makes such plot points as an otherwise standard villainous love interest subplot ( a gold-digging sharon stone type , played by elaine hendrix , who's deliciously tormented by the twins later on in the film ) a treat instead of a bore . like the original , this film transcends all the crap that it very well could be ( case in point : " it takes two " starring the olsen twins ) because it treats the children as the smart ones , and the adults as the silly ones , not the other way around . and because , above everything , it knows exactly how to be charming without biting off more than it can chew . however , in comparison with the original , it could be a bit better . certain scenes work well , but not nearly as well as they worked in the original . i liked the way the parents fought over past dilemnas and then fought over falling in love again better than i liked watching two old flames getting back together over a bottle of wine - somehow , feuding is always more cinematic and pleasing than mere reminscing , a lesson extracted from the howard hawks/cary grant films of yesteryear . and as much as this film transcends mere cutedom , compared to the original , this film almost drowns in cutedom . the original , though not gritty , was far more stylized and just as suitable for adult audiences as it was for young audiences . as such , this remake may never be nearly as great or classic as the original film , but it at least knows how to treat its source material with dignity and respect , and how to create virtually the same effects without bordering on plagerism or petty annoyances .

this is the movie not the perfume . a slow moving , stylish psychological thriller in imitation of hitchcock's vertigo . it is adapted from an original story by brian de palma and paul schrader , and is directed by de palma and scripted by schrader . set in new orleans , 1959 , it shows the wealthy michael courtland ( cliff robertson ) sitting on top of the world , celebrating his tenth wedding anniversary with a party in his mansion , as his lovely wife elizabeth ( genevi ? ve bujold ) and young daughter amy ( blackman ) , both look up to him beaming with joy . his real-estate development partner bob la salle ( john lithgow ) proposes a toast to him and to their prosperous business , while his high society friends give him their best wishes . upon retiring for the night , his daughter and wife are kidnapped in their bedroom and he is left with a ransom note to deliver $500 , 000 tomorrow or they will be killed . inspector brie ( stanley reyes ) comes up with a plan to put in phony money and a transmitter in the briefcase exchange , as that will lead them to the kidnappers . but the kidnappers burst out of the house surrounded by the police , taking the two victims with them and in the pursuing police chase , the kidnapper's car explodes and goes over the bridge , where none of the bodies were found . grieving the loss of his wife and child , the guilt-ridden michael builds them a tomb on the expensive land they were to develop . sixteen years later he goes with his partner bob on a vacation and he revisits florence , italy , where he met his wife . when he goes to the church where they met , he sees a young girl who looks exactly like his wife . her name is sandra portinari ( genevi ? ve bujold ) and she's working there restoring art that is decaying . he falls instantly in love with her and doesn't heed bob's warnings that she might be a gold digger and decides to take her back to new orleans and marry her . sandra becomes his second chance to prove his love , as he thinks he can finally put the past behind him . the surprises to come weren't really all that surprising , as the beauty in the storytelling is almost exclusively in the understated acting by the soul stricken cliff robertson , the emotionally impactful performance by genevi ? ve bujold , and the competent acting of john lithgow . it plays too much like a rehash of the master's work , to break any new ground , yet it is still thrilling in its own way .

it used to be that not just anyone could become a vampire . usually , you had to be an aristocrat - a count such as dracula or karnstein . to qualify , you'd have to have a modicum of sophistication , so you'd at least look cool - or suave - when biting into some young damsel's throat . but today , in our overly politically correct world , any scuzzy-looking , long-haired , unshaven lout or any spiked-haired harridans can put the bite on you . by the same token , to be a vampire hunter , one had to have some sort of medical training and knowledge of the occult or maybe perhaps be some sort of professional soldier , or at least one who retired with honors . not in these times . all you need are some sharp weapons , some bullets forged from silver and any yahoo can be a buffy - or a blade . without sounding elitist , the fear of vampires has greatly diminished because of this lack of exclusivity . which brings us to blade , the latest in a long line of vampire movies in which , it seems , half the population is putting the bite on the other half . not only are there thousands of vampires , but they seem to move from city to city , pay off police departments and , most importantly , establish their own exclusive after-hours raves in which the highlight is the sprinkler system going off and dousing all the occupants in a blood shower . with all that blood , you wonder why they have to hunt for victims . you also wonder when they get the time to get their clothes dry-cleaned and why no cleaner ever complains about all the bloodstains . blade , which is based on a marvel comic book character , is , like a comic book , all visual . the plot is basically blade repetitiously slashing his way through the vampire army seeking their leader , deacon frost . it's all hokum and nonsense , of course . but the filmmakers play it straight . unfortunately , at least at the advance screening i attended , the audience didn't see it that way and laughed through much of the proceedings . you know a movie is in trouble when the scenes of blood and gore that should elicit screams of fright instead evoke peels of laughter . another tell-tale sign is when the audience seems to be admiring the hero's costume more than the hero . also it seems it's not enough for today's vampire merely to have fangs . he must also be proficient in the martial arts . why a supernatural being , one of the undead , needs such skills is beyond me . ( of course , this concept dates to the 1974 hammer films-run run shaw production of legend of the seven golden vampires , in which dracula is defeated by seven karate-chopping siblings . ) wesley snipes is buff as blade . he growls his lines -the few he has - and spends most of the time glowering - as if he was suffering from indigestion or having second thoughts about starring in and co-producing this turkey . blade is just another example of how the vampire film , a once honorable member of the horror family , has gone downhill . this dud mostly makes you yearn for those quaint old days when christopher lee could be stopped just by dangling a crucifix in his face . today's vampires lack the panache , the style of a bela lugosi or a christopher lee . they are not even worthy enough to carry those great bloodsuckers' capes . they are more farcical than frightful . this whole enterprise is one dull blade that could have used lots of sharpening .

" desperate measures " is a generic title for a film that's beyond generic . it's also a depressing waste of talent , with the solid team of michael keaton and andy garcia unthankfully thrown thankless lead roles , not to mention once-cool director barbet schroeder sadly continuing his string of not-cool flicks -- this thriller is more " before and after " than " reversal of fortune . " the movie is a big disappointment , and yet it's somewhat easy to see what motivated such big names to attach themselves to it -- the premise is both promising and intriguing . too bad the execution's all wrong , though , because the set-up of " desperate measures " boasts some rather enticing elements that deserve to be put to far better use . san francisco cop frank connor ( garcia ) is a single parent with a troubling dilemma -- his son matt ( joseph cross ) is stricken with cancer which only a bone marrow transplant can push into remission . even worse , the only compatible donor is violent sociopath peter mccabe ( michael keaton ) , currently serving a life sentence for multiple murders and other various crimes against society . connor tries his best to convince mccabe to go along with the surgery ; he's at first reluctant , but reconsiders after he realizes he can plan his escape at the hospital . when he does make a run for it , connor offers close pursuit , but for different reasons than his superiors ( including the crusty brian cox ) -- they want to take mccabe down , while connor needs to keep him alive , or all hope is lost for his little boy . one misstep " desperate measures " makes is in its underdevelopment of matt's illness . what's needed are more details as to exactly why mccabe is the only bone marrow match that works ; there would seem to be other possible contenders somewhere in the country , and thus many of the ways that connor endangers the lives of himself and those around him by attempting to keep mccabe alive are just a little too hard to swallow . take , for example , a scene where mccabe is trying to make a getaway by climbing over an elevated passage tunnel connecting two sections of the hospital . the police have their spotlight and guns aimed right on him , and what does connor do ? he shoots the spotlight out so that mccabe can continue his flight . connor knows very well what dangerous deeds this guy is capable of , and yet never seems to think that mccabe will eventually get to and try to harm his son . whatever . to be fair , though , the lack of story background is the least of the movie's problems . first and foremost is how cheaply " desperate measures " trades the potential of it's opening scenes for the routine action ballistics of its final hour . once mccabe escapes , the film becomes the fugitive in reverse and with no thrills . there are countless scenes where the good guys catch up to keaton only to have him grab a hostage and get away . also , the movie is so intent on giving you a hoot-inducing , lip-smacking villain ( the ads have compared peter mccabe to hannibal lechter , natch ) that it completely casts garcia's frank connor by the dullsville wayside ; " desperate measures " appears to like its antagonist so much more than its protagonist , and the movie's head-scratcher of a send-off confirms this . there is some good to be found amongst this mess , particularly in the acting department . cast against type , michael keaton's understated menace is highly effective . although he's not given much believable to work with , andy garcia plays off a taut emotional chord . joseph cross , as garicia's ailing son , is surprisingly unsentimental , and marcia gay harden lends solid support as a doctor who becomes a major player in the unfolding chaos . this cast does its best to camouflage the sorry plot as it chugs towards an inevitably happy ending , but most is lost . it goes without saying that " desperate measures " needs an operation of its very own .