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(์Œ์•…: The sugarhill gang ์˜ Rapper's delight) MC๊ฐ€ ๊ฐ€์‚ฌ๋ฅผ ์ฆ‰ํฅ์ ์œผ๋กœ ๋งŒ๋“ค์–ด ๋‚ด๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์žฌ์ฆˆ ์—ฐ์ฃผ์ž๋“ค์ด ๋ฉœ๋กœ๋””๋ฅผ ์ฆ‰ํฅ์ ์œผ๋กœ ๋งŒ๋“ค์–ด ๋ƒˆ๋“ฏ์ด์š”.
(Music: "Rapper's Delight" by The Sugarhill Gang) The MC would improvise lyrics in the same way that the jazz players would improvise melodies.
๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋˜ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ํ˜•ํƒœ์˜ ์Œ์•…์ด ํƒ„์ƒํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
And another new form of music was born.
๋ผ์ด๋ธŒ ๊ณต์—ฐ์ด ์—„์ฒญ๋‚œ ์„ฑ๊ณต์„ ๊ฑฐ๋‘์—ˆ๋˜๊ฒŒ, ์–ด์ฟ ์Šคํ‹ฑ ํ•œ ๋ฉด์œผ๋กœ ๋ณด์ž๋ฉด ์ง€๊ตฌ์—์„œ ๊ฐ€์žฅ ์•ˆ ์ข‹์€ ์‚ฌ์šด๋”ฉ ์‹œ์Šคํ…œ์„ ๊ฐ€์ง€๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š” ์šด๋™ ๊ฒฝ๊ธฐ์žฅ์ด๋‚˜, ๋†๊ตฌ ๊ฒฝ๊ธฐ์žฅ, ํ•˜ํ‚ค ๊ฒฝ๊ธฐ์žฅ ๊ฐ™์€ ๊ณณ์—์„œ ์—ฐ์ฃผ ๋˜๊ธฐ์— ์ด๋ฅด๋ €์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
Live performance, when it was incredibly successful, ended up in what is probably, acoustically, the worst sounding venues on the planet: sports stadiums, basketball arenas and hockey arenas.
๊ทธ๊ณณ์—์„œ ์—ฐ์ฃผ ํ•˜๊ฒŒ๋œ ์Œ์•…๊ฐ€๋“ค์€ ๋‚˜๋ฆ„ ์ตœ์„ ์„ ๋‹ค ํ–ˆ์ง€์š”.
Musicians who ended up there did the best they could.
๊ทธ๋“ค์€ '๊ฒฝ๊ธฐ์žฅ ๋ฝ' ์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ๋ถ€๋ฅด๋Š” ์Œ์•…๋“ค์„ ์“ฐ๊ธฐ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ค‘๊ฐ„ ์Šคํ”ผ๋“œ์˜ ๋ฐœ๋ผ๋“œ๊ฐ™์€๊ฒƒ ์ด์—ˆ์ง€์š”.
They wrote what is now called arena rock, which is medium-speed ballads.
(์Œ์•…: U2 ์˜ I still haven't found what I'm Looking for) ๊ทธ๋“ค์€ ๊ทธ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ์ฃผ์–ด์ง„ ๊ฒƒ์— ๋งž์ถ”์–ด์„œ ์ž‘๊ณกํ•˜๋ฉด์„œ ์ตœ์„ ์„ ๋‹คํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
(Music: "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2) They did the best they could given that this is what they're writing for.
ํ…œํฌ๋Š” ์ค‘๊ฐ„ ์ •๋„์ด๊ณ , ์Œํ–ฅ์€ ์•„์ฃผ ํฌ์ง€์š”.
The tempos are medium. It sounds big.
์ด๊ฑด ์Œ์•… ์ ์ธ ์ƒํ™ฉ ์ด๋ผ๊ธฐ ๋ณด๋‹ค๋Š” ์‚ฌํšŒ ์  ์ƒํ™ฉ ์ธ ๊ฒƒ ์ด์ง€์š”.
It's more a social situation than a musical situation.
๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์–ด๋–ค ๋ฉด์—์„œ๋Š”, ์ด๋Ÿฐ ์žฅ์†Œ๋ฅผ ์œ„ํ•ด์„œ ์“ด ์Œ์•…๋“ค์€ ๊ทธ๊ณณ์—์„œ ์ œ๋Œ€๋กœ ํšจ๊ณผ๋ฅผ ๋ฐœํšจ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
And in some ways, the music that they're writing for this place works perfectly.
์ƒˆ๋กœ์šด ์žฅ์†Œ๋“ค๋„ ์žˆ์ง€์š”.
So there's more new venues.
๊ทธ๊ฒƒ๋“ค์ค‘ ํ•˜๋‚˜๋Š” ์ž๋™์ฐจ ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
One of the new ones is the automobile.
์ €๋Š” ๋ผ๋””์˜ค๊ฐ€ ์žˆ๋Š” ์ฐจ์™€ ํ•จ๊ผ ์ž๋ž๋Š”๋ฐ์š”,
I grew up with a radio in a car.
ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ด๊ฒƒ์—๋„ ๋งŽ์€ ๋ฐœ์ „์ด ์žˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
But now that's evolved into something else.
์ด์ œ๋Š” ์ฐจ๊ฐ€ ํ•˜๋‚˜์˜ ์žฅ์†Œ ์—ญํ™œ์„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
The car is a whole venue.
(์Œ์•…: Lil' Jon ์™€ The East Side Boyz ์˜ Who U Wit) ์ด๋Ÿฐ ์Œ์•…, ์ด๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ๋งํ• ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์„๊ฒƒ ๊ฐ™์€๋ฐ์š”, ์ž๋™์ฐจ ์‚ฌ์šด๋“œ ์‹œ์Šคํ…œ์„ ์œ„ํ•ด ๋งŒ๋“ค์–ด ์ง„ ์Œ์•…์€ ๊ทธ ์•ˆ์—์„œ ๋˜ ์™„๋ฒฝํ•œ ํšจ๊ณผ๋ฅผ ๋ƒ…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
(Music: "Who U Wit" by Lil' Jon & the East Side Boyz) The music that, I would say, is written for automobile sound systems works perfectly on it.
์ง‘์—์„œ ๋“ฃ๊ณ  ์‹ถ์€ ์Œ์•…์ด ๋ ์ง€๋Š” ์•Š์„์ˆ˜๋„ ์žˆ์ง€๋งŒ, ์ฐจ์—์„œ๋Š” ์•„์ฃผ ์ ์ ˆ ํ•˜์ง€์š”. ์—„์ฒญ๋‚œ ๋นˆ๋„์˜ ์ŠคํŽ™ํŠธ๋Ÿผ์ด ์žˆ๊ตฌ์š”, ์•„์‹œ๋‹ค ์‹œํ”ผ, ํฐ ๋ฒ ์ด์Šค ์Œํ–ฅ๊ณผ ์„ธ๋ จ๋จ ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ฐ€์šด๋ฐ ๊ปด์žˆ๋Š” ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ ๊นŒ์ง€.
It might not be what you want to listen to at home, but it works great in the car -- has a huge frequency spectrum, you know, big bass and high-end and the voice kind of stuck in the middle.
์ž๋™์ฐจ ์Œ์•…์€, ์นœ๊ตฌ๋“ค๊ณผ ํ•จ๊ป˜ ๋“ค์„์ˆ˜๋„ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
Automobile music, you can share with your friends.
๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์ƒˆ๋กœ์šด ์žฅ์†Œ๋„ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ฐœ์ธ์šฉ MP3 ํ”Œ๋ ˆ์ด์–ด ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
There's one other kind of new venue, the private MP3 player.
์•„๋งˆ, ํฌ๋ฆฌ์Šค์ฑค ์Œ์•…์„ ์œ„ํ•ด์„œ ์ผ์ง€๋„ ๋ชจ๋ฅด๊ฒ ๋Š”๋ฐ์š”,
Presumably, this is just for Christian music.
(์›ƒ์Œ) ์–ด๋–ค ๋ฉด์—์„œ๋Š” ์ด ๊ฑด ์นด๋„ค๊ธฐ ํ™€๊ณผ๋„ ๊ฐ™์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋“ฃ๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์€ ์•„์ฃผ ์กฐ์šฉํ•ด์ ธ์•ผ ํ•˜๋Š”๋ฐ, ์™œ๋ƒ๋ฉด ์ด์ œ๋Š” ์•„์ฃผ ์ž‘์€ ์„ธ์„ธํ•œ ๋””๋ฐ์ผ ๊นŒ์ง€ ๋“ค์„์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
(Laughter) And in some ways it's like Carnegie Hall, or when the audience had to hush up, because you can now hear every single detail.
์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ๋ณด๋ฉด, ์•„ํ”„๋ฆฌ์นด์„œ๋ถ€ ์Œ์•…๊ณผ๋„ ๊ฐ™์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์™œ๋ƒํ•˜๋ฉด MP3 ํ”Œ๋ ˆ์ด์–ด๊ฐ€ ๋„ˆ๋ฌด ์กฐ์šฉํ•ด ์ง€๋ฉด ์Œ๋Ÿ‰์„ ์กฐ์ ˆํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋˜๋Š”๋ฐ, ์กฐ๊ธˆ ์žˆ์œผ๋ฉด ์—„์ฒญ๋‚˜๊ฒŒ ํฐ ์†Œ๋ฆฌ์— ๊ท€๊ฐ€ ํ„ฐ์งˆ๊ฒƒ ๊ฐ™๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•˜๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์ด์ง€์š”.
In other ways, it's more like the West African music because if the music in an MP3 player gets too quiet, you turn it up, and the next minute, your ears are blasted out by a louder passage.
๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ๊ทธ๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ํšจ๊ณผ๊ฐ€ ์žˆ์ง€๋Š” ์•Š์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
So that doesn't really work.
์ œ ์ƒ๊ฐ์—๋Š”, ํŠนํžˆ ์š”์ฆ˜ ์“ฐ์ธ ํŒ ์Œ์•…๋“ค์€ ์–ด๋–ค ๋ฉด์—์„œ ๋ณด๋ฉด ์ด๋Ÿฐ ํ”Œ๋ ˆ์ด์–ด๋“ค์„ ์œ„ํ•ด ์“ฐ์—ฌ์ง€๋Š”๊ฒƒ ๊ฐ™์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ด๋Ÿฐ ์ž์„ธํ•œ ๋””ํ…Œ์ผ ๊นŒ์ง€ ๋“ค์„์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฐœ์ธ์ ์ธ ๊ฒฝํ—˜์„ ์œ„ํ•ด์„œ์š”. ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ๋‹ค์ด๋‚ด๋ฏน ์ž์ฒด๋Š” ๋ฐ”๋€Œ์ง€ ์•Š์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
I think pop music, mainly, it's written today, to some extent, is written for these kind of players, for this kind of personal experience where you can hear extreme detail, but the dynamic doesn't change that much.
๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์ €๋Š” ์Šค์Šค๋กœ์—๊ฒŒ ์ด๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ์งˆ๋ฌธ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ทธ๋ž˜, ์ด๊ฒŒ ์ฐฝ์กฐ์— ๋ชจ๋ธ์ธ๊ฐ€, ์ด๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ์ ์‘ ํ•ด ๋‚˜๊ฐ€๋Š”๊ฒƒ์ด?
So I asked myself: Okay, is this a model for creation, this adaptation that we do?
๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ด๋Ÿฐ ๊ฒƒ์ด ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ๊ณณ์—์„œ๋„ ์ผ์–ด๋‚˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ธ๊ฐ€? ํ•˜๊ณ ์š”.
And does it happen anywhere else?
๊ธ€์Ž„์š”, David Attenborough ์™€ ๋ช‡๋ช‡ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์— ์˜ํ•˜๋ฉด์š”, ์ƒˆ๋“ค๋„ ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ๋‹ค๊ณ  ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์šฐ๊ฑฐ์ง„ ์ˆฒ- ์บ๋…ธํ”ผ์— ์žˆ๋Š” ์ƒˆ๋“ค์€ ์ฆ‰, ์žŽ๋“ค์ด ๋ฌด์„ฑํ•œ ๊ณณ์—์„œ๋Š” ๊ทธ๋“ค์˜ ์ง–์Œ์€ ๋†’์€ ์Œ๊ณผ ์งง๊ณ  ๋ฐ˜๋ณต์ ์ธ ๊ฒฝํ–ฅ์ด ์žˆ๋‹ค๊ณ  ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
Well, according to David Attenborough and some other people, birds do it too -- that the birds in the canopy, where the foliage is dense, their calls tend to be high-pitched, short and repetitive.
๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋ฐ”๋‹ฅ์— ์žˆ๋Š” ์ƒˆ๋“ค์€ ๋‚ฎ์€ ์Œ์œผ๋กœ ์ง€์ €๊ท„๋‹ค๊ณ  ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ด๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ํ•จ์œผ๋กœ์„œ ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋ฐ”๋‹ฅ์—์„œ ์น˜๊ณ  ์šธ๋ฆผ์— ์˜ํ•ด ๋ฐฉํ•ด ๋˜์ง€ ์•Š๊ฒŒ ํ•˜๊ธฐ ์œ„ํ•ด์„œ์ฃ .
And the birds on the floor tend to have lower pitched calls, so that they don't get distorted when they bounce off the forest floor.
Savannah sparrow ๊ฐ™์€ ์ƒˆ๋“ค์€ ์œ™์œ™ ๊ฑฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์šธ๋ฆผ์˜ (Savannah Sparrow ๊ฐ€ ์šฐ๋Š” ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋‹ด๊ธด ํด๋ฆฝ) ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๋ƒ…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
And birds like this Savannah sparrow, they tend to have a buzzing (Sound clip: Savannah sparrow song) type call.
๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ด๊ฒƒ์€ ๋ฐํ˜€์ง€๊ธฐ๋กœ๋Š” ๊ฐ€์žฅ ์—๋„ˆ์ง€๋ฅผ ์ ˆ์•ฝํ•˜๋Š” ํšจ๊ณผ์ ์ธ savannahs ์•ˆ์—์„œ ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ์ „๋‹ฌํ• ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ• ์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ํ•˜๋„ค์š”.
And it turns out that a sound like this is the most energy efficient and practical way to transmit their call across the fields and savannahs.
๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์ƒˆ๋“ค, ์ด๋Ÿฐ tananger ๋“ค์€ ๊ทธ๋“ค์˜ ๊ฐ™์€ ์ข…์กฑ๋ผ๋ฆฌ ์ ์‘ํ•ด ์™”์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
Other birds, like this tanager, have adapted within the same species.
๋ฏธ๊ตญ์˜ ๋™๋ถ€ ์ง€๋ฐฉ- ์ˆฒ๋“ค์ด ์กฐ๊ธˆ ๋” ๋ฌด์„ฑํ•œ ์ง€๋ฐฉ์— ์žˆ๋Š” tananger ์ƒˆ๋“ค์€ ํ•œ๊ฐ€์ง€ ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๋‚ด๊ณ ์š”, ์„œ๋ถ€ ์ง€๋ฐฉ์— ์žˆ๋Š” tananger ๋“ค์€ (Scarlet tananger ์˜ ์ง€์ €๊ท ์†Œ๋ฆฌ) ๋˜ ์กฐ๊ธˆ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ํ˜•ํƒœ์˜ ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๋ƒ…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
The tananger on the East Coast of the United States, where the forests are a little denser, has one kind of call, and the tananger on the other side, on the west (Sound clip: Scarlet tanager song) has a different kind of call.
(Scarlet tananger ์˜ ์ง€์ €๊ท ์†Œ๋ฆฌ) ๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ, ์ƒˆ๋“ค๋„ ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ๋‹ค ์ด๊ฑฐ์ง€์š”.
(Sound clip: Scarlet tanager song) So birds do it too.
๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์ด๋Ÿฐ ์ƒ๊ฐ์ด ๋“ค์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์Œ, ์ด๊ฒŒ ์ฐฝ์กฐ์˜ ๋ชจ๋ธ์ด๊ณ  ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์Œ์•…์„ ๋งŒ๋“œ๋Š”, ์ ์–ด๋„ ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ๊ฒƒ์„ ์–ด๋–ค ์ƒํ™ฉ์— ๋งž๊ฒŒ ๋งŒ๋“œ๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์ด๋ฉด, ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๊ฐค๋Ÿฌ๋ฆฌ์˜ ๋ฒฝ์ด๋‚˜ ๋ฐ•๋ฌผ๊ด€์˜ ๋ฒฝ ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ํ˜„์žฌ ์กด์žฌํ•˜๋Š” ์‹œ์Šคํ…œ์— ๋งž๋Š” ์†Œํ”„ํŠธ ์›จ์–ด๋ฅผ ๊ฐœ๋ฐœํ•˜๋ฉด, ๊ทธ๊ฒŒ ๊ณผ์—ฐ ์ž˜ ํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฐฉ์‹์ผ๊นŒ?
And I thought: Well, if this is a model for creation, if we make music, primarily the form at least, to fit these contexts, and if we make art to fit gallery walls or museum walls, and if we write software to fit existing operating systems, is that how it works?
๋„ค. ์ €๋Š” ์ด๊ฒŒ ์ง„๋ณด์ ์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
Yeah. I think it's evolutionary.
์ ์‘ํ•ด ๋‚˜๊ฐ€๋Š” ๊ฒƒ ์ด์ฃ .
It's adaptive.
ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ๊ธฐ์จ, ์—ด์ • ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ฆ๊ฑฐ์›€์€ ๊ทธ๋Œ€๋กœ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
But the pleasure and the passion and the joy is still there.
์ด๊ฒƒ์ด ๋ณดํ†ต์˜ ๋กœ๋งจํ‹ฑํ•จ์˜ ์‹œ์ ๊ณผ๋Š” ์ƒ๋ฐ˜๋œ ์‹œ์ ์ด ๋˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ ์ด์ง€์š”.
This is a reverse view of things from the kind of traditional Romantic view.
๋กœ๋งจํ‹ฑํ•œ ์‹œ์ ์€ ๋จผ์ € ์—ด์ •์ด ์žˆ์–ด์•ผ ํ•˜๊ณ , ๊ทธ ๋‹ค์Œ์˜ ๊ฐ์ •์ด ํ˜๋Ÿฌ ๋„˜์ณ์„œ, ๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๊ณ  ๊ทธ ๋‹ค์Œ์— ์–ด์จ‹๋“  ๋ญ”๊ฐ€๋กœ ๋งŒ๋“ค์–ด ์ง„๋‹ค. ์ด๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
The Romantic view is that first comes the passion and then the outpouring of emotion, and then somehow it gets shaped into something.
์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋งํ•˜๊ณ ์ž ํ•˜๋Š”๊ฒƒ์€, ์—ด์ •์€ ๊ทธ๋Œ€๋กœ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ๊ทธ ์—ด์ •์ด ๋ญ”๊ฐ€๋กœ ํ˜๋Ÿฌ ๊ฐ€๊ณ  ๋„ฃ์–ด์ง€๋Š” ๋ณธ๋Šฅ์ ์ด๊ณ  ์ง๊ด€์ ์ธ ํ†ต๋กœ๋Š” ๋จผ์ € ๋งŒ๋“ค์–ด์ ธ์•ผ ํ•œ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
And I'm saying, well, the passion's still there, but the vessel that it's going to be injected into and poured into, that is instinctively and intuitively created first.
์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์ด๋ฏธ ์–ด๋””๋กœ ์—ด์ •์ด ํ˜๋Ÿฌ๊ฐ€๋Š”์ง€ ์•Œ๊ณ  ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
We already know where that passion is going.
ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ด๋Ÿฐ๊ฒƒ์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ์ƒ๋ฐ˜๋œ ์‹œ๊ฐ๋“ค์€ ํฅ๋ฏธ๋กญ์ง€์š”.
But this conflict of views is kind of interesting.
์ž‘๊ฐ€ Thomas Frank ๋Š” ๋งํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ด๊ฒƒ์€ ์™œ ์ข…์ข… ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์ด ์ž๊ธฐ์˜ ์ตœ ๊ด€์‹ฌ๊ณผ๋Š” ์ƒ๋ฐ˜๋œ ๊ฒƒ์— ํˆฌํ‘œ๋ฅผ ํ•˜๋Š”๊ฐ€์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ์„ค๋ช…์ด ๋˜๊ฒ ๋Š”๋ฐ์š”, ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ํˆฌํ‘œ์ž๋“ค, ์ฆ‰ ๋งŽ์€ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ ๊ฐ™์• ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์€ ์ฆ‰ํฅ์ ์ธ๊ฒƒ์„ ๋“ค์„๋•Œ
The writer, Thomas Frank, says that this might be a kind of explanation why some voters vote against their best interests, that voters, like a lot of us, that it's more authentic.
๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์— ํ•œํ‘œ๋ฅผ ๋˜์งˆ ๊ฒƒ ์ด๋ผ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
And they'll vote for that.
๊ทธ ๋ง์ธ ์ฆ‰์Šจ, ์–ด๋–ค ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ด ๊ทธ ์ˆœ์ˆ˜ํ•จ์„ ๋งŒ๋“ค์–ด ๋‚ด๊ณ , ์—ด์ •์„ ํ‘œ๋ฐฉํ•œ๋‹ค๋ฉด ๊ทธ๋“ค์ด ์‚ฌ์‹ค ๋ฝ‘ํž์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ธฐํšŒ๋ฅผ ๋” ๊ฐ–๊ฒŒ ๋œ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ ์ด์ง€์š”. ์ด๊ฒƒ์€ ์•„์ฃผ ์œ„ํ—˜ํ•œ ์ผ ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
So that, if somebody can fake sincerity, if they can fake passion, they stand a better chance of being selected in that way, which seems a little dangerous.
์ œ ๋ง์€ ๋‘๊ฐ€์ง€, ์—ด์ •, ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ฆ๊ฑฐ์›€๋“ค์ด ์„œ๋กœ ๋…์ ์ ์ด์ง€ ์•Š๋‹ค๊ณ  ํ•˜๋Š”๊ฒƒ์ด ์•„๋‹™๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
I'm saying the two, the passion, the joy, are not mutually exclusive.
์•„๋งˆ ์„ธ๊ณ„๊ฐ€ ์ง€๊ธˆ ํ•„์š”ํ•œ๊ฒƒ์€ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์ƒˆ๋“ค๊ณผ ๊ฐ™๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ๊นจ๋‹ณ์•„์•ผ ํ•œ๋‹ค๋Š”๊ฒƒ ์ผ๊ฒƒ ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
Maybe what the world needs now is for us to realize that we are like the birds.
์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์ ์‘ํ•˜๊ณ ,
We adapt.
์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋…ธ๋ž˜ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
We sing.
๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ƒˆ๋“ค๊ณผ ๊ฐ™์ด, ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ๋“ค์ด ์ฃผ๋Š” ์ฆ๊ฑฐ์›€์ด ์•„์ง ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์šฐ๋ฆฌ์—๊ฒŒ ์ฃผ์–ด์ง„ ์ƒํ™ฉ์— ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋งž์ถ”์–ด ๋ณ€ํ™” ํ•ด์•ผ ํ• ์ง€๋ผ๋„ ๋ง์ด์ฃ .
And like the birds, the joy is still there, even though we have changed what we do to fit the context.
๊ฐ์‚ฌํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
Thank you very much.
(๋ฐ•์ˆ˜) ์‚ด์•„์˜ค๋ฉด์„œ ์˜ค๋žซ๋™์•ˆ ์ €๋Š” ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋‘ ๊ฐ€์ง€์˜ ์„œ๋กœ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ถ์„ ์‚ด๊ณ  ์žˆ๋‹ค๊ณ  ๋Š๊ปด์™”์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
(Applause) For a long time in my life, I felt like I'd been living two different lives.
๋ชจ๋‘๊ฐ€ ๋ณด๋Š” ์‚ถ๊ณผ, ์ € ํ˜ผ์ž๋งŒ์ด ๋ณผ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ์‚ถ์„์š”.
There's the life that everyone sees, and then there's the life that only I see.
๋ชจ๋‘๊ฐ€ ๋ณผ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ์‚ถ ์†์—์„œ ์ €๋Š” ์นœ๊ตฌ์ด์ž, ์•„๋“ค์ด๊ณ , ํ˜•์ด๋ฉฐ, ๋‹จ๋… ์—ฐ๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ํ•˜๋Š” ์ฝ”๋ฏธ๋””์–ธ์ด๊ณ  10๋Œ€์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
And in the life that everyone sees, who I am is a friend, a son, a brother, a stand-up comedian and a teenager.
๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์ด ๋ชจ๋‘๊ฐ€ ๋ณด๋Š” ์ €์˜ ๋ชจ์Šต์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
That's the life everyone sees.
๋งŒ์•ฝ ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์ด ์ œ ์นœ๊ตฌ๋“ค๊ณผ ๊ฐ€์กฑ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ์ €์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์„ค๋ช…ํ•ด ๋‹ฌ๋ผ๊ณ  ํ•˜์‹œ๋ฉด ๊ทธ๋“ค์€ ๊ทธ๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ์„ค๋ช…ํ•ด ๋“œ๋ฆด๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
If you were to ask my friends and family to describe me, that's what they would tell you.
๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ทธ ๋ชจ์Šต์€ ์ €์˜ ๋งŽ์€ ๋ถ€๋ถ„์— ์†ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ทธ๊ฒŒ ์ €์˜ ๋ชจ์Šต์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
And that's a huge part of me. That is who I am.
์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์ด ์ œ๊ฒŒ ์Šค์Šค๋กœ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์„ค๋ช…ํ•ด ๋ณด๋ผ ํ•œ๋‹ค๋ฉด, ์ € ๋˜ํ•œ ์•„๋งˆ๋„ ๊ฐ™์€ ๋ง์„ ํ•  ๊ฑฐ์˜ˆ์š”.
And if you were to ask me to describe myself, I'd probably say some of those same things.
๊ฑฐ์ง“๋ง์„ ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฑด ์•„๋‹ ํ…Œ์ง€๋งŒ ๊ทธ๋ ‡๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ง„์‹ค ๊ทธ๋Œ€๋กœ๋ฅผ ๋งํ•œ ๊ฒƒ๋„ ์•„๋‹ ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์™œ๋ƒํ•˜๋ฉด ์‚ฌ์‹ค์ด, ๊ทธ ๋ชจ์Šต์ด, ๋ชจ๋‘๊ฐ€ ๋ณด๋Š” ์ €์˜ ๋ชจ์Šต์ด๋‹ˆ๊นŒ์š”.
And I wouldn't be lying, but I wouldn't totally be telling you the truth, either, because the truth is, that's just the life everyone else sees.
์ € ํ˜ผ์ž๋งŒ์ด ๋ณผ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ์ œ ์ž์‹ ์€, ์ง„์ •ํ•œ ์ €๋Š” ๊ทน๋„์˜ ์šฐ์šธ์ฆ์— ์‹œ๋‹ฌ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
In the life that only I see, who I am, who I really am, is someone who struggles intensely with depression.
์ง€๋‚œ 6๋…„ ๊ฐ„์„ ๊ทธ๋ž˜ ์™”๊ณ , ์ง€๊ธˆ๋„ ์—ฌ์ „ํžˆ ๊ทธ๋ ‡์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
I have for the last six years of my life, and I continue to every day.
์—ฌ๊ธฐ์„œ ์šฐ์šธ์ฆ์„ ์•“์•„๋ณธ ์ ์ด ์—†๊ฑฐ๋‚˜, ํ˜น์€ ๋ฌด์Šจ ๋œป์ธ์ง€ ๋ชจ๋ฅด๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์—๊ฒŒ๋Š” ์•„๋งˆ ๊นœ์ง ๋†€๋ž€ ๋งŒํ•œ ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ์ผ ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์šฐ์šธ์ฆ์ด๋ž€ ๊ทธ์ € ์ธ์ƒ์ด ์ž˜ ์•ˆ ํ’€๋ฆด ๋•Œ ์Šฌํผํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด๋ผ๋Š” ์ž˜๋ชป๋œ ์ธ์‹์ด ์ฆ๋น„ํ•˜๋‹ˆ๊นŒ์š”. ์—ฌ์ž ์นœ๊ตฌ์™€ ํ—ค์–ด์ง€๊ฑฐ๋‚˜, ์‚ฌ๋ž‘ํ•˜๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์„ ์žƒ๊ฑฐ๋‚˜, ์›ํ•˜๋˜ ์ง์žฅ์„ ์–ป์ง€ ๋ชป ํ–ˆ์„ ๋•Œ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ์š”.
Now, for someone who has never experienced depression or doesn't really know what that means, that might surprise them to hear, because there's this pretty popular misconception that depression is just being sad when something in your life goes wrong, when you break up with your girlfriend, when you lose a loved one, when you don't get the job you wanted.
ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์€ ์Šฌํ””์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ž์—ฐ์Šค๋Ÿฌ์šด ํ˜„์ƒ์ด์ฃ .
But that's sadness. That's a natural thing.
๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์€ ์ž์—ฐ์ ์ธ ์ธ๊ฐ„์˜ ๊ฐ์„ฑ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
That's a natural human emotion.
์ง„์งœ ์šฐ์šธ์ฆ์ด๋ž€ ์ธ์ƒ์ด ์ž˜ ์•ˆ ํ’€๋ฆด ๋•Œ ์Šฌํผํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ์•„๋‹™๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
Real depression isn't being sad when something in your life goes wrong.
์ง„์งœ ์šฐ์šธ์ฆ์€ ์ธ์ƒ์˜ ๋ชจ๋“  ๊ฒƒ์ด ์ž˜ ๋Œ์•„ ๊ฐˆ ๋•Œ์—๋„ ์Šฌํผํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด์ฃ .
Real depression is being sad when everything in your life is going right.
๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์ด ์ง„์ •ํ•œ ์šฐ์šธ์ฆ์ด๊ณ  ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์•“๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
That's real depression, and that's what I suffer from.
์ „์ ์œผ๋กœ ์†”์งํ•ด์ง€์ž๋ฉด, ์ด ์ž๋ฆฌ์—์„œ ์ด๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ์„œ์„œ ๋งํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ์ฐธ ๊ณคํ˜น์Šค๋Ÿฌ์›Œ์š”.
And to be totally honest, that's hard for me to stand up here and say.
๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ๋ง์„ ๊บผ๋‚ด๊ธฐ๊ฐ€ ํž˜๋“ค๊ฑฐ๋“ ์š”. ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์•„๋งˆ ๋ˆ„๊ตฌ๋“  ๋งํ•˜๊ธฐ๊ฐ€ ์–ด๋ ค์šธ ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์•„๋ฌด๋„ ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
It's hard for me to talk about, and it seems to be hard for everyone to talk about, so much so that no one's talking about it.
๋ชจ๋‘๊ฐ€ ๋งํ•˜๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ๊บผ๋ คํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋งํ•ด์•ผ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์™œ๋ƒํ•˜๋ฉด ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์€ ์—„์ฒญ๋‚œ ๋ฌธ์ œ์ด๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
And no one's talking about depression, but we need to be, because right now it's a massive problem.
์—„์ฒญ๋‚œ ๋ฌธ์ œ์˜ˆ์š”.
It's a massive problem.
ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์†Œ์…œ ๋ฏธ๋””์–ด์—์„œ๋Š” ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ๊ฑธ ๋ณด์ง€ ๋ชป ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค, ๋งž์ฃ ?
But we don't see it on social media, right?
ํŽ˜์ด์Šค๋ถ์—์„œ๋„ ๋ณด์ง€ ๋ชป ํ•ด์š”. ํŠธ์œ„ํ„ฐ์—์„œ๋„ ๋งˆ์ฐฌ๊ฐ€์ง€๊ณ ์š”.
We don't see it on Facebook. We don't see it on Twitter.
ํ–‰๋ณตํ•œ ๊ฒƒ์ด ์•„๋‹ˆ๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์— ๋‰ด์Šค์—์„œ๋„ ๋ณด์ง€ ๋ชป ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์žฌ๋ฐŒ์ง€๋„, ๊ฐ€๋ณ์ง€๋„ ์•Š์œผ๋‹ˆ๊นŒ์š”.
We don't see it on the news, because it's not happy, it's not fun, it's not light.
๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋ณด๊ธฐ ๋ชป ํ•˜๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์—, ์šฐ์šธ์ฆ์˜ ์‹ฌ๊ฐ์„ฑ ๋˜ํ•œ ๊ฐ„๊ณผํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
And so because we don't see it, we don't see the severity of it.
๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋‚˜ ์šฐ์šธ์ฆ์˜ ์ •๋„์™€ ์‹ฌ๊ฐ์„ฑ์€ ๋ฐ”๋กœ ์ด๋ ‡์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋งค 30์ดˆ ๋งˆ๋‹ค, ๋งค 30์ดˆ ๋งˆ๋‹ค ์–ด๋”˜๊ฐ€์—์„ , ์„ธ๊ณ„ ์–ด๋”˜๊ฐ€์˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๋ˆ„๊ตฐ๊ฐ€๋Š” ์ž์‹ ์˜ ๋ชฉ์ˆจ์„ ๋Š์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์šฐ์šธ์ฆ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์ด์ฃ . ๋‘ ๋ธ”๋ก ๋–จ์–ด์ง„ ๊ณณ์ผ ์ˆ˜๋„ ์žˆ๊ณ , ๋‘ ๋‚˜๋ผ ๋–จ์–ด์ง„ ๊ณณ์ผ ์ˆ˜๋„, ๋‘ ๋Œ€๋ฅ™ ๋–จ์–ด์ง„ ๊ณณ์—์„œ ์ผ์–ด๋‚˜๋Š” ์ผ์ผ ์ˆ˜๋„ ์žˆ์ง€๋งŒ, ์–ด์จŒ๋“  ๋ฒŒ์–ด์ง€๊ณ  ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ๋„ ๋งค์ผ ๋ฒŒ์–ด์ง€๊ณ  ์žˆ์–ด์š”.
But the severity of it and the seriousness of it is this: every 30 seconds, every 30 seconds, somewhere, someone in the world takes their own life because of depression, and it might be two blocks away, it might be two countries away, it might be two continents away, but it's happening, and it's happening every single day.
๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์„ ๋ณด๊ณ ๋„ ์‚ฌํšŒ์˜ ๊ตฌ์„ฑ์›์œผ๋กœ์จ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” "๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์–ด์ฉŒ๋ผ๊ณ ์š”?" ๋ผ๊ณ  ๋งํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒฝํ–ฅ์ด ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
And we have a tendency, as a society, to look at that and go, "So what?"
์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋ณด๊ณ ๋„, "๊ทธ๊ฑด ๋‹น์‹ ์˜ ๋ฌธ์ œ์˜ˆ์š”.
So what? We look at that, and we go, "That's your problem.
๊ทธ๊ฑด ๊ทธ๋“ค์˜ ๋ฌธ์ œ๋ผ๊ณ ์š”."๋ผ๊ณ  ํ•˜์ฃ .
That's their problem."
์Šฌํ”„๋‹ค๊ณ , ์•ˆ๋๋‹ค๊ณ ๋„ ๋งํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ๊ทธ๋Ÿผ์—๋„ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” "๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์–ด์ฉŒ๋ผ๊ณ ์š”?"๋ผ๋Š” ๋ง์„ ๋ง๋ถ™์—ฌ์š”.
We say we're sad and we say we're sorry, but we also say, "So what?"
2๋…„ ์ „๊นŒ์ง€๋งŒ ํ•ด๋„ ๊ทธ๊ฑด ์ œ ๋ฌธ์ œ์˜€์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ €๋Š” ๊ทธ ์ „์—๋„ ์ˆ˜ ์ฒœ ๋ฒˆ์€ ์•‰์•˜์„ ์ œ ์นจ๋Œ€์˜ ์–ธ์ €๋ฆฌ์— ์•‰์•„ ์ž์‚ด์„ ์ƒ๊ฐํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
Well, two years ago it was my problem, because I sat on the edge of my bed where I'd sat a million times before and I was suicidal.
์ €๋Š” ์ž์‚ด์ถฉ๋™์ž์˜€์ง€๋งŒ, ์ œ ์‚ถ์˜ ๊ฒ‰๋ฉด๋งŒ ๋ดค์„ ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์—๊ฒ ์•„๋งˆ ์ €๋Š” ์ž์‚ด ์ถฉ๋™์„ ๋Š๋‚„ ์•„์ด๋กœ๋Š” ๋ณด์ด์ง€ ์•Š์•˜์„ ๊ฑฐ์˜ˆ์š”.
I was suicidal, and if you were to look at my life on the surface, you wouldn't see a kid who was suicidal.
์˜คํžˆ๋ ค ์ €๋ฅผ ๋†๊ตฌํŒ€์˜ ์ฃผ์žฅ์ด๋‚˜, ์—ฐ๊ทน๋ฐ˜์˜ ์—ฐ๊ฐ„ ์ตœ์šฐ์ˆ˜ ํ•™์ƒ, ์˜ฌํ•ด ์ตœ๊ณ  ์˜์–ด ์šฐ์ˆ˜ ํ•™์ƒ, ๊ณ„์†ํ•ด์„œ ์šฐ๋“ฑ์ƒ ๋ช…๋‹จ์— ์ด๋ฆ„์ด ์˜ค๋ฅด๊ณ , ๋ชจ๋“  ํŒŒํ‹ฐ์— ์ค„๊ณง ์ฐธ์„ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ์•„์ด๋กœ๋งŒ ๋ณด์•˜์„ ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
You'd see a kid who was the captain of his basketball team, the drama and theater student of the year, the English student of the year, someone who was consistently on the honor roll and consistently at every party.
๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์ €๋Š” ์šฐ์šธํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š์„ ๊ฒƒ์ด๋ผ ๋งํ–ˆ๊ฒ ์ฃ . ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์ž์‚ด ์ถฉ๋™์ž๊ฐ€ ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ๊ณ  ๋งํ–ˆ๊ฒ ์ง€๋งŒ ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์€ ํ‹€๋ ธ์„ ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
So you would say I wasn't depressed, you would say I wasn't suicidal, but you would be wrong.
ํ‹€๋ ธ์„ ๊ฑฐ์˜ˆ์š”. ๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์ €๋Š” ๊ทธ๋‚  ์ €๋… ํ™€๋กœ ์•‰์•„ ์•Œ์•ฝ์ด ๋“  ์•ฝ๋ณ‘์˜ ์˜†์—์„œ ์ข…์ด์™€ ํŽœ์„ ์†์— ์ฅ๊ณ  ์Šค์Šค๋กœ์˜ ๋ชฉ์ˆจ์„ ๋Š์„ ์ƒ๊ฐ์„ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ ํ•˜๊ธฐ์— ์ด ์ •๋„๋กœ ๊ฐ€๊นŒ์› ์–ด์š”.
You would be wrong. So I sat there that night beside a bottle of pills with a pen and paper in my hand and I thought about taking my own life and I came this close to doing it.
์ด ์ •๋„๋กœ์š”.
I came this close to doing it.
ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ €๋Š” ๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ์ง€ ์•Š์•˜๊ณ , ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ์ €๋Š” ํ–‰์šด์•„์— ์†ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋‚œ๊ฐ„์— ํ•œ ์ชฝ ๋ฐœ์„ ๋‚ด๋ฐ€๊ณ  ์•„๋ž˜๋ฅผ ๋‚ด๋ ค๋‹ค ๋ดค์ง€๋งŒ ์ ํ”„ํ•˜์ง€๋Š” ์•Š์€ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค ๊ฐ™์€ ์‚ด์•„๋‚จ์€ ํ–‰์šด์•„์ฃ .
And I didn't, so that makes me one of the lucky ones, one of the people who gets to step out on the ledge and look down but not jump, one of the lucky ones who survives.
์ €๋Š” ์‚ด์•„๋‚จ์•˜์–ด์š”. ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ด์ œ ์ œ ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ๋งŒ ๋‚จ์•„ ๋ฒ„๋ ธ๋„ค์š”. ์ œ ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ๋Š” ์ด๋Ÿฌํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ฐ„๋‹จํ•œ ๋ช‡ ๋‹จ์–ด๋กœ ๋งํ•˜์ž๋ฉด, ์ €๋Š” ์šฐ์šธ์ฆ์„ ์•“๊ณ  ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
Well, I survived, and that just leaves me with my story, and my story is this: In four simple words, I suffer from depression.
์ €๋Š” ์šฐ์šธ์ฆ์„ ์•“๊ณ  ์žˆ์–ด์š”. ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์•„๋งˆ๋„ ์•„์ฃผ ์˜ค๋žซ๋™์•ˆ ์ €๋Š” ์™„์ „ํžˆ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ๋‘ ๊ฐœ์˜ ์‚ถ์„ ์‚ด๊ณ  ์žˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ทธ ์ค‘ ํ•˜๋‚˜๋Š” ์–ธ์ œ๋‚˜ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์ชฝ์„ ๋‘๋ ค์›Œํ•˜๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ์‚ถ์„์š”.
I suffer from depression, and for a long time, I think, I was living two totally different lives, where one person was always afraid of the other.
์ €๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์ด ์ง„์ •ํ•œ ์ œ ์ž์‹ ์„ ์•Œ๊ฒŒ ๋ ๊นŒ๋ด ๋‘๋ ค์›Œ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์™„๋ฒฝํ•˜์ง€๋„, ๋ชจ๋‘๊ฐ€ ์ƒ๊ฐํ•˜๋Š” ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ์ธ๊ธฐ ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ณ ๋“ฑํ•™์ƒ์ด ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ๋Š” ์‚ฌ์‹ค์„ ์•Œ๊ฒŒ ๋ ๊นŒ๋ด ๋‘๋ ค์› ์–ด์š”. ๋ฏธ์†Œ ๋’ค์—์„œ ์–ธ์ œ๋‚˜ ๋ชธ๋ถ€๋ฆผ์น˜๊ณ  ์žˆ๊ณ , ๋ฐ์€ ๋ชจ์Šต ๋’ค์—๋Š” ๋˜ํ•œ ์–ด๋‘ ์ด ์žˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„, ํ™œ๋™์ ์ธ ์„ฑ๊ฒฉ ๋’ค์—” ๊ทธ ๋ณด๋‹ค ๋” ํฐ ์•„ํ””์ด ์ˆจ์–ด ์žˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ๋ง์ด์ฃ .
I was afraid that people would see me for who I really was, that I wasn't the perfect, popular kid in high school everyone thought I was, that beneath my smile, there was struggle, and beneath my light, there was dark, and beneath my big personality just hid even bigger pain.
์–ด๋–ค ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์€ ์—ฌ์ž์• ๋“ค์ด ์ž์‹ ์„ ๋ฐ›์•„์ฃผ์ง€ ์•Š์„๊นŒ๋ด ๋‘๋ ค์›Œํ•  ๊ฑฐ์˜ˆ์š”.
See, some people might fear girls not liking them back.
์–ด๋–ค ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์€ ์ƒ์–ด๋ฅผ ๋ฌด์„œ์›Œํ•˜๊ณ , ์–ด๋–ค ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์€ ์ฃฝ์Œ์„ ๋‘๋ ค์›Œํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
Some people might fear sharks. Some people might fear death.
ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ €๋Š” ์ œ ์ธ์ƒ์˜ ๋งŽ์€ ๋ถ€๋ถ„์„, ์ œ ์Šค์Šค๋กœ๋ฅผ ๋‘๋ ค์›Œํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
But for me, for a large part of my life, I feared myself.
์ œ ์ง„์‹ค์ด ๋‘๋ ค์› ๊ณ , ์ œ ์ง„์‹ค์„ฑ๊ณผ ์ œ ์—ฐ์•ฝํ•จ์„ ๋‘๋ ค์›Œํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ทธ ๋‘๋ ค์›€์€ ์ €๋ฅผ ๋ฒผ๋ž‘ ๋์œผ๋กœ ๋ชฐ์•„ ์„ธ์šฐ๋Š” ๋“ฏ ํ–ˆ์–ด์š”. ํƒˆ์ถœํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์ด ์˜ค์ง ํ•˜๋‚˜ ๋ฟ์ธ ๊ณณ์— ๋ชฐ๋ ค ์žˆ๋Š” ๋“ฏ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ์‹์œผ๋กœ ๋งค์ผ์„ ์ƒ๊ฐํ–ˆ์–ด์š”.
I feared my truth, I feared my honesty, I feared my vulnerability, and that fear made me feel like I was forced into a corner, like I was forced into a corner and there was only one way out, and so I thought about that way every single day.
๊ทธ๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ๋งค์ผ ์ƒ๊ฐํ–ˆ์–ด์š”. ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์†”์งํ•ด์ง€์ž๋ฉด ์ด ๊ณณ์— ์„œ ์žˆ๋Š” ๋™์•ˆ์—๋„ ์ €๋Š” ๋‹ค์‹œ ๊ทธ ์ƒ๊ฐ์„ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์™œ๋ƒํ•˜๋ฉด ๊ทธ๊ฒŒ ๋ณ‘์ด๊ณ , ๋ชธ๋ถ€๋ฆผ์ด๊ณ , ์šฐ์šธ์ฆ์ด๋‹ˆ๊นŒ์š”. ์šฐ์šธ์ฆ์€ ์ˆ˜๋‘๊ฐ™์€ ๊ฒƒ์ด ์•„๋‹™๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
I thought about it every single day, and if I'm being totally honest, standing here I've thought about it again since, because that's the sickness, that's the struggle, that's depression, and depression isn't chicken pox.
ํ•œ ๋ฒˆ ์ด๊ฒจ๋‚ธ๋‹ค๊ณ  ํ•ด์„œ ์™„์ „ํžˆ ์‚ฌ๋ผ์ง€๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ์•„๋‹ˆ์ฃ .
You don't beat it once and it's gone forever.
์–ธ์ œ๋‚˜ ๊ณ์— ์žˆ์–ด์š”. ํ•ญ์ƒ ๊ฐ€์ง€๊ณ  ์‚ด์•„๊ฐ€์•ผ ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
It's something you live with. It's something you live in.
๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์€ ์ซ“์•„๋‚ผ ์ˆ˜ ์—†๋Š” ๋ฃธ๋ฉ”์ดํŠธ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋ฌด์‹œํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์—†๋Š” ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ์ฃ .
It's the roommate you can't kick out. It's the voice you can't ignore.
๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์€ ๋ฒ—์–ด๋‚  ์ˆ˜ ์—†์„ ๊ฒƒ๋งŒ ๊ฐ™์€ ๋Š๋‚Œ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋ฌด์„œ์šด ์ ์€ ์–ผ๋งˆ ํ›„์—” ์ด๊ฒƒ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ๋ฌด๊ฐ๊ฐํ•ด์ง€๋Š” ๊ฑฐ์˜ˆ์š”. ์ž์‹ ์˜ ์ผ๋ถ€๋ถ„์ด ๋˜๋Š” ๊ฑฐ์ฃ . ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๋˜๋ฉด ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์ด ๊ฐ€์žฅ ๋‘๋ ค์›Œํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์€ ๋‚ด๋ถ€์˜ ๊ณ ํ†ต์ด ์•„๋‹ˆ๊ฒŒ ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
It's the feelings you can't seem to escape, the scariest part is that after a while, you become numb to it. It becomes normal for you, and what you really fear the most isn't the suffering inside of you.
๋‘๋ ค์›€์€ ์ด๋“ค์ด ๊ฐ–๋Š” ๋‚™์ธ์ด ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ˆ˜์น˜์‹ฌ์ด๊ณ , ๋ถ€๋„๋Ÿฌ์›€์ด ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์นœ๊ตฌ์˜ ์–ผ๊ตด์— ๋– ์˜ค๋ฅธ ๋ฐ˜๊ฐ์ด์—์š”. ๋ณต๋„์—์„œ ๋“ค๋ ค์˜ค๋Š”, ๋„ˆ๋Š” ์•ฝํ•˜๋‹ค๋Š” ์†์‚ญ์ž„์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋‹น์‹ ์ด ๋ฏธ์ณค๋‹ค๋Š” ๋ง๋“ค์ด์—์š”.
It's the stigma inside of others, it's the shame, it's the embarrassment, it's the disapproving look on a friend's face, it's the whispers in the hallway that you're weak, it's the comments that you're crazy.
๋ฐ”๋กœ ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ๊ฒƒ๋“ค๋กœ ์ธํ•ด ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์€ ๋„์›€์„ ๋ฐ›์ง€ ๋ชปํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋ฉ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
That's what keeps you from getting help.