Datasets:

Kanakmi

/

mental-disorders

like 9

I have zero motivation and all I want to do is sleep. I have struggled with mental illness my entire life. I never finish anything I start and let everyone down. I cannot stay organized to save my life and let household duties go. My home is not dirty by any means it's just cluttered in certain areas. I am always late and forget everything. My husband is constantly on me telling me how lazy I am. He is so critical and tells me it's all in my head and to snap out of it. My mom is also very negative and constantly tells me to get it together. I just want to be happy and know what normal feels like.

Backstory: My best friend has bpd and is navigating through their journey of healing past and current traumas. I'm basically one of the only people truly "there" for them, as they've grown apart from a lot of their friends for various reasons. They've tried to push me away, but I know that they care about our friendship just as much as I do. I'm aware that bpd isn't the same for everyone, but that's kind of why I'm here asking questions. They have a hard time articulating things they're thinking or feeling, so I've researched a *lot* about bpd and learned a lot in this subreddit along with irl chats with people. I've also learned a lot about my best friend and their experience, just by getting to know them. I've learned to recognize signs of splitting and when they need space vs needing me around, which seems to be helpful for them. Mostly my question is, what things did/do your loved ones do that really helped you feel supported and loved/cared for? Alternatively, what things made you feel really shitty, even if they may not have realized made you feel that way? One thing I've consistently heard is holding them accountable and having boundaries with them so I'm not unintentionally enabling their negative or self destructive behaviors. I struggle holding boundaries in general but my rule is to not give exceptions to them and address things as I would anyone else. I don't want it to seem like I'm walking on eggshells around this friend or anything, because I'm not. Honestly, I'm dreadfully in love with them and want to help them feel as supported as possible during their journey of growth. I've seen them grow over the course of the time I've known them and they've put in SO much effort that I wish they could see. They have so many feelings of failure and I know I can't change how they feel, but maybe there's something that I haven't thought of that would help them feel more supported. Any insight or personal stories are welcome!

First of all, you are not a burden. You can’t control this monster named anxiety. Just by surviving every day you are doing amazing. Don’t be ashamed to struggle. It’s okay. You are doing a good job. Second, I just wanted to say that we will get through this. Every day is a new day. One day at a time. I just wanted to share some things that have helped me lately. Sending everyone virtual support and hugs. 💟

I recently decided to take a break from therapy after realizing it’s been a waste of time. Don’t get me wrong, I like my therapist, but looking back, she never asked me any questions. I would bring up things that happened in my past indicating that I wanted to talk about them/needed insight and she would just kind of sit there and stare or push an exercise on me that was unrelated. I tried to adapt and changed my approach to therapy to better accommodate what she was giving me and this worked for a long time. Our sessions flowed more smoothly and I did feel like I was getting better. But during our last session it occurred to me that all she ever really did was read aloud these dbt handouts while I would basically sit there and listen. I would make comments every once in a while to show I understood but I never got into anything deep. One week I went in feeling kind of sad and like I needed to talk but she just went straight into this stupid exercise while I sat there wanting to cry because for the one millionth time in my life I felt like I wasn’t being seen. Don’t get me wrong I think those handouts will definitely help me down the line but I still wish I didn’t have to end our time together feeling like I am and will always be on my own because who the fuck would want to care about me. I’m moving and will be going to a different therapist which I’m thankful for but I also feel really mad at myself for not realizing she sucked sooner.

So I’ve never been diagnosed with BPD, just depression, anxiety and PTSD. This has never happened before either, but about a year ago I started talking to a friend online and we’ve been in constant contact since. Life hasn’t been the kindest the past year to either of us so we’ve been able to lean on eachother for support. We’ve talked pretty much everyday. He’s my best friend... He’s been so patient and kind and helps me so much with panic attacks or when I wake up with flashbacks or anything. The highlight of my day is always talking to him. He lives halfway across the world, so the time zones are whack but I always look forward to talking to him in the morning, and waiting for him to wake up so we can chat before I go to bed. For the last 9 months I’d say, we have consistently talked almost everyday... There’s been so much joy I’ve felt talking to him, but I also seem to get significantly more anxious when we talk, and my perception of what he’s saying (since it’s mostly text based - no tone of voice...) sends me into tears or a panic so suddenly. Idk. Maybe this isn’t making sense. I feel like I’m dependent on him and when he doesn’t answer for a day, all I can do is cry. Lately he hasn’t been on much... We’ve hardly talked. He’s been busy, or tired, but hardly getting any sleep. Waking up and seeing no messages from him ruins my day. I burst into tears and I feel like a horrible person and I just don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t know. I’m sorry. I’m trying to explain things and it’s turning into a ramble. I’m sorry. Thank you if you’ve read this far. Basically, I think I have an FP relationship and don’t know how to manage it. How do others manage these relationships? How do you cope when they’re not available? How do I create a balance to look after him and me, and not be so dependent on him? Sorry and thanks.

(I realise this is the third post in a row for me today but i've had lots of emotional weirdness today, sorry) So yeah, one of them just told me she's moving out with her boyfriend and the other one says she'll probably move out too, and I automatically think this is a huge reflection on how shit of a housemate i am. I did have a meltdown in april triggered by my ex calling me to tell me he's in love with my so called friend... they saw a lot of my meltdown - not going to work for 2 weeks, crying all the time, not eating properly, not sleeping, drinking, i tired to kill myself and got sectioned ---- of COURSE they want to fucking leave!!! URRGHGG!!!!

I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't have any motivation left to do anything. I can't focus and I can't stay still. I'm failing school. I have a shit ton of missing assignments. My grades have dropped significantly. The work I once could've gotten done in an instant, I can't even look at now. My courses aren't difficult yet I can't get myself to finish my assignments. I barely have any friends either. The ones I do have just keep bringing up how I lack friends and they just make fun of me. Everyone hates me and they all avoid me at school. At home, my parents always call me stupid and compare me to my genius of a sibling. They constantly hit me across the head and yell at me because of my grades. My sibling often calls me stupid, too, and tells me I don't deserve to be in the school I go to, which I honestly agree with. They all scream at me about how I let my bright future crumble and die right in front of me. Whenever they bring this up I can't help but feel envious about other students and how they manage to do so damn well. How they have their fucking life together. But I can't blame anyone but myself because I am the problem. I rarely talk about how I feel to people because when I do I remember how there are people out there going through so much worse than what I am and I have no right to complain. It's awful. I feel awful mentally and physically. I have a feeling of dread and discomfort in my chest all the time. It's like my heart is being crushed and my throat is closing up. I constantly have the urge to vomit and I always feel the need to cry but no tears ever fall. I want to stop waking up. I self harm. I hate it. I fucking hate it because it makes me feel like I truly am a retarded worthless piece of crap but it's the only thing I can find relief in. I'm ashamed of my existence and I wish I could just die since I'm only a burden and disappointment in this world. I want to end it all. I need to. I don't know how longer I can live like this but it's not worth it.

I have a question is sleeping with your charger plugged in by you give off radiation even if your phone isn’t plugged in? Also if you are charging your phone but your phone is like arms length + away but the wire is touching ur bed or touching your head board will the radiation like go through the head board then travel to me? Also is it ok if your charging your phone while u sleep but it’s on the floor and you were to sleep on a trundle like you know beds that have trundles if u put your phone on the floor or on the tissue box that’s on the floor like a few times is that bad? like that’s right by the bed but it’s on the floor I mean I would think it’s ok right cause if ur like arms length away but also it’s not even on ur level it shouodnt do any harm right?

Let me start out by just throwing it out there, I'm a terrible and unethical human being. I know it there's no reason at this point to reiterate that, but what I'm interested in is how I can stop being one? How to people just take the highway and let go in order to do 'the right thing' every time I contemplate it I feel weak and out of control. This really started to highlight when I confirmed my suspicions and found my SO was cheating on me. It didn't come as a big surprise that it was happening; more so that after having significant doubts that they weren't, I believed them when they were saying it. That was 5 years into the relationship, 4 years total of them doing it off and on.... I wanted to throw it out the window completely so bad, but upon contemplating that what the hell would my 5 year old son do or think? Also, the thought has turned into how to I get even without hurting my son? As fucked up as a thought that it is I have significant trouble even now, a year later, bringing myself to terms with it. I know their not doing it anymore as I've implemented complete monitoring of traffic where we live (installed root certs on their phone for SSL inspection, GPS location reporting, etc.) which I'll admit is over the top but at this point it's the only way i can get my mind at ease... Now lately, my job cut comissions without telling me which has severely hurt my income (calculations come to 10-15K worth of loss) so I started looking for another job, the job I wanted required a drug test so I put that off as long as possible since I'm generally incapable of functioning without some sort of mind altering substance and didn't get the results until the weekend before I'm supposed to get my job. I justify it though as they've been fucking me over so much (bonus, hours they've made me put in as of late (60-90/wk), general unappreciative attitude towards me) that I justified putting in my notice until 3 days before. So I guess if my goal was to completely fuck them over by being the only one capable of what I do where I am I accomplished that but it's just so extremely unprofessional I can't help but wonder if I shouldn't have done it this way. I guess what I'm looking for is advice on how anyone can be straight forward with others, how to trust other people, how to stick up for themselves without some back room "fuck you over" plan, how do I deal with dependency with a child involved... I've called my old psychologist a few times because I know I need to talk to someone I trust. I went to a psychologist for some paralleled issues with this and filed a complaint against the state health board because he handled it like an ass and again I wanted some sort of revenge. I just can't let go and accept the fact that I need help, there's too much pride there (or in my younger years what they called "defiance" to do so. Sorry for the essay and if it needs any transcription for broken thoughts let me know since I've been out of therapy for 8 years I'm pretty sure there's some terrible logic decisions going on, i just don't know how to function anymore at this point and wanted some anonymous help since no one I know can contemplate the thoughts behind my actions it seems....

I start working at a place, spend some time there and lose interest in a few couple of weeks. How are you people handling it? May be I could use some advice.

We’re all tired. Tired of the pain and suffering. Tired of being yelled at and pushed around. We’ve all hurt ourselves because of the damage others have inflicted. We’ve scratched, cut, torn off skin, some all of the above. Just so we can stop feeling. Because at this point we feel so much sorrow and dread and so little joy it’s better to feel nothing. I hate it. I hate my family. I hate me. I don’t know how to go on. I feel like I’m dying in more ways than one. “Allergies” make my throat fill with slime, my eyes puff up and leak gunk, my nose to almost constantly run red, and I’m so…fucking…tired… I want to rest. But because I get up to do things on the rare occasions I do feel better, I’m expecting to be able to do everything again. My best changes based on how I feel. Yet it’s never good enough. There’s always something I did wrong, something else I need to do, some reason for my parents to yell at me. They’d probably make me delete Reddit if they saw me complaining about them like this. I’m happy that I have a phone and toys and all that stuff, but just like they always make me improve myself, I want them to improve, but whenever I bring it up I’m yelled at. Any time I talk about how I feel they offer to “help” by asking if they need to send me to a mental hospital. I got sick of that. I can’t talk to them and I can rarely talk to my therapist and I’m always worried she’ll tell my parents what I say or they’ll somehow hear. I’m tired. I’m scared… I don’t like this.

I was watching a video earlier with my girlfriend on YouTube and it was like a video where people go swimming with sharks and stuff. During the video I started to feel like if I was there doing things like that I would start to feel unreal and it’s a scary feeling. I’m wondering if this is depersonalisation. This happens me quite often lately. Like imagining myself doing things that I wouldn’t normally do starts to give me anxiety and feel like if I was in those situations that I would start to feel unreal.

recently I've discovered that my math matches 100% with ADHD/autistic people's. it got me thinking a lot about this, and i remembered when my mom said i might have all symptoms for ADHD. if i speak to her now about it, she'll talk shit about me, again, so I'm keeping this on reddit for now. does anyone else have these symptoms or is diagnosed? I've read that a past with adhd may cause bpd, and these two disorders may link to each other, but that is not my case, I've started with BPD, then I've noticed adhd symptoms, and now i check to all of them, im checking with a psychiatrist later. im gonna go to sleep, maybe is too late for my paranoia

I feel like I can’t even control my own body. I’ve been so anxious lately, and weed used to give me relief but now it just seems to be making it worse. I’m anxious to the point where my heart is racing and I’m always nauseous, all I wanna do is cry. I feel like I’m going insane and like my life has no purpose or direction. I’m tired of everything

Anxiety always follows. No matter how hard I try to better my life it just looms in the background waiting to take over. Moved into a new place with my S/O - we bought a cute condo, first time homebuyers, was looking for a house in this insane market but couldn’t find one as we kept getting outbid - and what I thought I needed for sometime was just my own space and place. Of course that didn’t do the trick. I work from home full time and the crippling loneliness doesn’t help when it comes to controlling wild thoughts. Waiting to close on this place was a nightmare. The constant back and forth of “Did I make the right decision? What if missed something? What am I not thinking of!?” One of our neighbors is loud - slams doors and stomps to the point where all this shakes our place. It puts me so on edge because all I can think about when I walk, move, talk is “can they hear me? Am I annoying them?” and I get so startled when I hear them stomping around and slamming doors and I wonder if I will ever get used to it. It of course feels like the biggest deal in the world right now. I’ve already ran through in my head the 800 possibilities that could come from having a bad neighbor. I didn’t anticipate feeling this way so as you can imagine I’m beating myself up about not thinking of this possibility. I know this probably sounds so whiny and I should just shut up. I don’t know. It’s exhausting being in my head. I feel trapped in and with the impending doom feeling. Like nothing will ever change and it’ll always be like this. I’ll always live on edge and profusely sweat the small things. That seems to be the one thing that doesn’t change. Hoping time will make it better and my mind can just rest. Sorry for the rant.

I’ve always had anxiety from a young age. My family and teachers started to realize my weird behaviors in grade 4 and took me to my first therapist. I’ve had two therapists in primary school (one of the therapists left) and once I got to high school I started to feel the pressure I was able to reach out for support from my home room teacher to see if she can book me a school therapist and she happily obliged. I originally went to that therapist every fortnight to discuss how I’m doing, you know the usual. And it was great until Covid hit. I loved home schooling since I barley ever felt anxious, I was in my safe spot and didn’t want to leave. My grades were good, I felt happy and one of the worst subjects for my anxiety (Pastoral) quickly became my favorite subject. I still talked to my therapist but there wasn’t much to talk about, until we were allowed to go back to school. One day we had Pastoral and I started to have a panic attack, I don’t know if it was the lack of anxiety during home schooling or if it was a bad day but this was my worst experience with my anxiety. I had to leave the classroom because of how sick I felt ( when I feel anxious I feel sick and when I feel sick I feel anxious AND it doesn’t help that I have ommetaphobia). I stayed outside of class for that period but the anxiety didn’t leave. I manage to stay alive until third period were it happened again and I was sent home. After this experience I haven’t really been the same. My therapist suggested that when I feel really anxious I can work outside the classroom. My brain put that spot as a safe place for me at school so I continued to stay out there. My teachers were disappointed that i couldn’t go in for class and sometimes I was forced in. I told my friend about this and she helped put what I feel like in a metaphor. Being inside the classroom feels like a burning house, I’m in a lot of pain and suffering so when someone leads me to a exit of course I will take it. While outside I can breath clearly and think properly without having to be in a fight or flight state the whole time, if I feel so much better outside away from the flames then why would I go back into the burning house. I’m scared, I’m really scared for next year. I can’t do this all my life but I also don’t want to live with this pain, i just want to live and not have to feel like I need to survive. I feel so depressed everyday when I think about the possibility’s of what could happen next year, I don’t want to eat or leave my room because of it. I don’t know what to do and I just want to rant to someone who might understand. Sorry that was really long just needed to let some things out. There is so much more that I want to talk about like how people say I’m faking anxiety for attention or my fear of coming out to my family, but this is long enough already. I know most people would have scrolled by and that’s okay but if you stayed and read through I just want to say thank you for dealing with me, it means a lot.

So i just started working again for the first time in 2 years. Ever since i started my anxiety has shot through the roof. I got so used to being at home all the time and not going around other people. Now that i have to interact with customers and employees its so hard for me. I feel so awkward and nervous 24/7. I try to relax and tell myself im ok but nothing helps. Then i start feeling like everyone notices my behavior. I always try to deal with my anxiety naturally but its getting to the point where i can’t anymore. I hate feeling like this everyday it makes me just want to quit. I don’t know what to do anymore…

pretty straightforward. when I snap I can be very aggressive. Not really physical, though i yell and get up in my SO's face and will block him, etc. It happened last night and all things considered I did way better than normal. I didn't freak out when he left the house (he didn't engage much, just ignored my yelling and posturing and left) and I actually calmed down pretty well without self-harming. This morning I apologized. I told him he had done nothing wrong. I told him what I had done was not ok. I accept responsibility. I never really know how to move forward from these things. He bounces back pretty quickly (at least outwardly) and I don't want to take advantage or pretend it didn't happen. But I also don't want to keep talking about it? I don't know. I know actions speak louder than words but when you really hurt someone and realize your behavior is harmful, how do you make it right when you know it's happened dozens of times before and will happen again, hopefully less and less?

The college I applied to has a 75% acceptance rate and I have a high chance of getting in, but I’m SO anxious. I keep overthinking everything and keep doubting my application. Like what if my essays weren’t good enough cause I was scared of oversharing accomplishments so I didn’t show them enough about me. I found out in around 10 days and don’t know how to get through it. I only applied to one college so if I don’t get accepted, I have no idea what I’m doing. Advice on how to stop freaking out and checking my school email every hour?

I’m getting tired of my family. My mother is one of the biggest hypocrites I’ve ever seen. She says that I need to work on my internship forms and paperwork with her including my resume every single day. I’ve done my end of it where I’ve made my resume and I even have a meeting with the colleges lady to look over the resume and help me tailor it to professional standards on Monday. However, school starts back on August 23rd and the school stops registration for the semester on the Monday I have the meeting. I’ve been trying to work with my mother on this for a while since she wants me to get it done with her is she can look through and help me choose an internship so I don’t end up choosing something that I don’t want by accident. However, it feels like she has purposefully but my feelings out the window and wants me to not end up getting anything this semester.

What's dating/relationships like for the rest of you? More specifically, I'm curious what it's like for those of us who have partners. Do they make it easier or harder? Are they supportive, patient, understanding? And partners of those struggling with depression, I would love to hear from. I am incredibly lucky to have a partner that is all of those things, yet sometimes that can make me feel so much worse. I'm a huge burden on him, a huge worry. Every night he calls, every cut he cries for, everytime I pitifully sob in his arms he cradles me and tells me it will be okay. And yet, he tries to keep his shitty days to himself. I feel like he's disconnected me from his emotions so I have one less thing to worry about, but I want him to talk to me. I often feel like I should break up with him to spare him from me, I know he can do so much better - but I promised I wouldn't make his choice for him, and I meant it. I love him too much to even see that as a real option. Often times he's the only person I talk to all day, the only reason I take care of myself, leave the house, work. For him. I don't want to be a weight on his shoulders.

I neglect to communicate important info to people because it gives me anxiety to think of getting it right. So I procrastinate. I say dumb things. When I try to fix my faux pas I end up making things worse. Probably anyone whose opinion I care about thinks I’m rude, socially awkward, and inept. I’m cringing so hard at myself right now because I did it again to people I care about. Ugh, that is all.

i am both diagnosed with bpd and bipolar. actually i am quite sure that i don't have bipolar but whatever. at first i tried to create a post under bipolar reddit but shit says i cant because my account is younger than 30 days. i may be in the middle of a hypomania or just another mental breakdown. i have so much new decisions that can change my life forever. can someone help me the figure out the situation i am in?

not sure if this is allowed, but there’s an app I discovered that has been really helpful with my mental health journey (i am in no way affiliated with the app, it has truly just helped me so much)! it’s called finch, and you pretty much just raise a little virtual bird (like tomagochi). the bird grows when you do things for yourself. you can set goals, write reflections, do stretches, etc! there’s also a “first aid” section that helped me manage a panic attack when i was in public with breathing and grounding techniques. it’s seriously so adorable and free!! my lil birb tofu has helped me get through some really rough days tldr: super cute app called finch designed to help you raise a virtual pet by doing good things for your mental health!

I have a loving family, yet i dont deserve them. I'm a moody bastard who cause arguments over the smallest things anyone can just brush it off and i make everyone's day worse. I cause my family to worry about me, because they know i'm the weakest, most sensitive person in the family. And i feel terrible for giving them so much unnecessary stress. They don't deserve to suffer because of me. I have a older sister who i look up to. She helped me with almost everything, but i give nothing in return. I'm a disgrace to the entire family. I'm better off not existing at all. I will end their suffering by killing myself. Until i realize that even if i kill myself, my family will blame themselves for it. I feel like a whiny bitch for not considering my family. Now i have no idea what i should do. Should i kill myself? Should i live? If i stay alive, i will continuously cause them trouble, and make their days worse and worse. But if i die, they will blame themselves for it, thinking how they should have done differently to help me. At this point, i have no way to go. The paths i have only gives pain to my family. I hate myself.

So I was diagnosed with depression about a year ago after I went to the hospital complaining that I "didn't feel safe" and that I felt scared. I also hadn't eaten for at least 5 days before I checked in and I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety upon being quickly assessed by a psychiatrist. It felt like someone was always watching me and my dreams were vivid and my thoughts felt real. To contradict that last statement the entirety of my life felt fake and it still does to this day. I've been trying to explain it to my psychiatrist but no one is there to witness my other behaviors. Over this last year I've been extremely loud and obnoxious and generally disregarding authority or rules (not completely disregarding but I guess the best way to put it would be "not giving a f###"). I've also been apologizing for things and not changing them and apologizing unnecessarily. About school completely and life responsibilities don't phase me. I also feel like I'm beginning to not care about what other people feel. My therapist said I was displaying symptoms of psychosis with my psychiatrist denounced a few months ago but I always stood by him. I don't think I'm like fully gone but I feel like things are going to get worse and I don't want to go back to a hospital or anything even though I never got admitted. Sometimes I also experience events that I don't remember happening but other people tell me happened (and not just gaslighting). It was something I complained about when I was originally diagnosed and it's something I still complain about. Time just feels like nothing. I'm just scared to bring this all up to my therapist and my psychiatrist because I haven't seen my psychiatrist in a while and I don't want to like dump all this. I should also mention I do have ADHD and some of these symptoms do correspond with that. It just really feels like something is wrong with me. I've never felt like this before except for when I originally went to the hospital. I've been feeling extremely impulsive and I've been covering up self-destructive behaviors with "it's fun". One of these behaviors is speeding. I don't know why I like it so much but I do I find myself going 120 or 130 on the highway sometimes just for fun. But on the bright side I've been self-harm free (as in cutting and burning) for 9 months. But I feel as if I'm supplementing that with less obvious methods of self-destruction. One thing that I've noticed is helped is the ADHD medication (Vyvanse). My thoughts just seem to slow down and I can live and they feel more in my control. But not completely. I'm still rather impulsive and rude and obnoxious. At times it seems I have no regard for how my responses make people feel. And I am also very blunt in nature. I say things how it is no more and no less. I hate it so much. And I hate saying this because I sound mentally ill. I'm not in any danger and I have therapy today but I feel like I only touched the tip of my feelings in this and might write an extension. Also one final thing to keep in mind I used to be a 4.0 student and a classical pianist who was going to audition to Juilliard and now I seem to not care about either of those whatsoever.

Has anyone become super aware of their breathing? I'm to the point where I over breath and my breathing is on my mind 24/7. I get lightheaded and dizzy. I don't know how to break this patter and let my body go back to its normal rhythm.

this might be more of a depression/self worth issue too but i get so so anxious about it, i’ve worked myself into tears and anxiety attacks about it. just for context, all of my clothes for all seasons, undergarments, *everything*, fit into a medium suitcase. i do so much laundry and i know i need things. i don’t even have a pair of jeans, no nice shirts. i was packing just now though and just got so anxious because i don’t need two pairs of shorts right?? why do i need shirts if i have two $3 camis from target? it’s preventing me from looking put together and feeling good about myself and i don’t understand why i get so anxious about having things i need.

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So I was diagnosed with major depression disorder and put on flouxitine until one day I felt really good. Too good. Then major depression became bipolar 2. Well anyways they started me on lamotrigine and before it took effect I noticed that I cycled in a week (3 days depressed/3 dayts feeling good, maybe hypomanic) which is apparently abnormal. Lamotrogine has definitely slowed my cycling as I had about 5 days of depression. Now I have had 3 days of feeling normal. Hopefully I get a few more days of normal under my belt before going into feeling really good mode. I am assuming that I still have the same cycle except over a longer period of time but I could be wrong. Anyways, it feels great to be normal for a few days and that I am improving. It is a good benchmark to have. Thank you for your support!

it can be a part of borderline personality disorder and my doctor told me that i'm currently experiencing this. i was like: finally, finally something that describes what i'm feeling! although i wasn't even sure at first if i was even feeling that. **so, what alexithymia is actually ?** > The inability to verbalize your emotions or lack of emotional response. Difficulty in experiencing, expressing, and describing emotion. A failure to express feelings either verbally or non-verbally, especially when talking about issues that would normally require an emotional response. Poor modulation of feelings, significantly reduced intensity in emotional expression. does anyone else experience this ? how do you cope, if you do ? for me, it feels like not being able to describe at all what i'm feeling, i'm always feeling something undefined/foggy and i can't find a word for emotion, i can't even describe it properly without having a name for it, i just can't. but that has a name, hey, i'm glad that she told me what i'm experiencing. it's really frustrating, you know you have alexithymia when you're trying so hard to describe it but just can't find any words basically. it's like suffering in silence and no-one gets you, because you just can't describe. i hope i'm describing it right. that's maybe the first thing i can describe a bit better after one month of feeling totally undefined. if anyone gets me ?

People literally don’t care anymore !!!!

Is anyone else pretty much unable to see someone they love as horrible person despite knowing they are? I just (a month ago) spilt up with my boyfriend. He didn’t treat me great. He wasn’t straight up abusive (all thought it’s hard for me to tell I find) he was just sorta neglectful, was defensive, sometimes a little mean. He was also racist, homophobic, transphobic, sexist etc...all the possible ones you could think of. Some of the things he said would disgust me but then 10 minutes later I wouldn’t care anymore? I feel like there were a lot of times, other people would of just left. Not stuck around, but I did until I didn’t really have a choice. Even still now I cry over him daily, I miss him, I love him. It’s not like I knew he was all those things when I met him but I did pretty early on in the relationship. Those are all things I hate in a person too. If someone told me their partner was like that I would wonder why they are with them, I’d be disgusted. But still I love him, and I’d probably get back with him in a heartbeat. I don’t really know what that says about me? Is there something wrong with me? I guess he sorta made me feel special in this fucked up way some how because while he was hating on everyone else he was loving me.

I feel that when I overthink its instantly gets me in a attacking mode or defensive ig om not sure but it's like when I feel someone's off I overthink and it just makes me get all crazy thinking they hate me or have an issue with me or something even tho sonay tomes it's just that the other person has something else goojng on with them bcz of which their response or the way they talk is different but I have no idea why I end up thinking it's about me for some reason and I end up thinking the worst

It baffles me. I remember a time when I would go to school, do theatre and dance rehearsal. When I had much more energy. I'd feel more burned out. It seriously baffles me. How do people shower, keep up hygiene, go to work every single day and have families? How? How do pop stars do it? Halsey is one of my favorite pop stars. I see her constantly posting on social media. She just had a baby and went to a BTS concert. How do people live such fast paced lives? How are people productive? It feels like the world is moving way too fast for me. Like I'm slowing down, frozen in time and fading away while the world goes on. How do people function? How do they do it?

Im bored and I went on omegle and this dude started saying that he knows A LOT about me when I told him my age and he figured out where I lived. Im so fucking scared now and I feel like im in danger. What if he sees this post too? Hacks into my gallery? Im literally shaking.

Hey Everyone, So I have have some conditions I will touch on. But, what I want to talk about are my thoughts that scare me. A background of my mental health is that I was diagnosed with ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder as a child. I just didn’t agree with adults usually and tbh, they just couldn’t prove what so was saying wrong. So I struggled with this all my life, was on Ritalin as a child until about 12. Went on by myself through college but have struggled with anxiety, and now I have realized I have had mood swings. But I have managed it semi well, or at least was able to let it go kinda unnoticed because I got really good at living with it. Until recently I had gotten on Vyvance at the beginning of this year after having some problems at work that were the same as a kid, but real things were in the line and I was just exhausted and tired of it so I started trying to address it. Well fast forward to about a month ago I get on Lexapro 5mg for about a 4-6 weeks, went back and revealed how I had gone on a gambling spree, long story short even months before Lexapro I had become kinda a gambling addict. I took 100 to 50k in 2 hours on an online casino and it started there. Ended up losing over a few weeks and went negative about 13k. A few weeks before Lexapro down another 5. Then the month of Lexapro I lost over 20k. When I told my doctor they gave me Lamictal and suspect I am bipolar. I suspect I may get some sort of diagnosis like atypical bipolar soon, but currently they are just tracking it as a general mood disorder. Anyways, what I want to talk about are my thoughts. I have always kinda broke my perspective after I had it for too long. And it used to serve me well because I noticed I just had more perspective and in a way, more life experience from this. Kinda in a way that a musician gets better at an instrument by just practicing different kinds of music in their head. I learned to accept it. Well I’m tired of it. It didn’t happen as much when I first started vyvance. I became less used to it. But it still happens. Like I will split from my reality or perspective in a way that’s hard to explain but it hurts. It not some delusion, because what Im talking about is not inaccurate per say. It’s just a lot and scary I suppose. Like I was having a conversation with a girl I was hooking up with who I can sometimes talk about these things w because she is kinda similar, just extremely open minded I guess? (I score top 99 percentile in openness on personality tests.) Well during our conversation I felt it happen a little too far and it physically hurt. I got a headache. Felt dizzy. I don’t like it. But it’s sad because it is something I used to find a sort of bliss in as I’ve learned i much from it in the past. Just exploring the world and thinking behind a different lense at times. I guess now the darker lenses just hurt more than they used to. I really don’t know how to explain it but my perspective will jump. I can make it happen sometimes and sometimes like that conversation with the girl, it will happen and I simply say this phrase I have to myself and I zoom back ~in~ to reality. For instance I was just roving around at 4am and I was just thinking about how I’ve been at my parents house the last week and soon will be moving out. And that instantly threw me down this whole perspective shift. I thought okay when I leave I won’t be near them physically anymore. I’ve lived on my own on and off since 18. I know that I won’t see them much. Currently living together we are on a similar page and living habits. When I leave the lack of proximity will mean I won’t be on the same page as them. I’ll be focusing on other things entirely and living a different life. I zoomed out far. Like looking at the world from a SIMs game point of view. Then I think about how whatever I do I’m life is what is going to happen, like if I decide to stay here for a few more months, or just leave again after I’ve been here a week or 2. How that will greatly impact the things I will be doing over the next few months. Like I zoom so far out of my life that it physically hurts my brain. I don’t think this explanation does it justice, but basically my thoughts become insanely abstract. Some times I can’t convey it to others. Sometimes people are unable to understand. Which is another abstract thing I will think deeply about. Just the network of minds and how some are more tightly connected on different areas than others. But when it comes to family or friends those thoughts seem to more often really hurt, physically. I just know I see the world in a way others don’t or cannot sometimes. Or I do, more often…. Sometimes. It’s interesting though because people that I have shared some of these thoughts with and have conversations with have told me they would “Die to be able to see shit they I do.” I can offer a lot of insight and clarity to people in various situations, because I’ve taken myself into the deepest depths of it in my own head, led myself into a rabbit whole willingly, and found out how to lead myself out. Typing this it kinda seems like there are rabbit hole thought patterns, and massively abstract thought patterns. But they sometimes hurt because it’s just so wild if anyone else was thinking like that, and based on conversation I know people don’t usually. And that I have have more experience in that mental space. Anyways, still don’t feel like I’m doing it justice but at this point just going in i circles. Does anyone else have similar experiences? How do you deal with this? I’m mid 20s now and I feel these kind of thoughts are not serving me much purpose anymore. I can usually snap out of it, but the flashes still happen, which again physically hurt more because I’m not as comfortable in that area as i used to be , BECAUSE I’ve learned to snap out of it and not spent so much time there. What is this?

i'm in a depressive episode and i've been spending like i do when i'm manic

I've been taking 10mg of Paxil for about 2 weeks and I think it has helped me immensely. I'm really disappointed that it has caused complete sexual dysfunction for me, so that was a deal breaker. Doc prescribed me Cymbalta instead, claiming it has a lot less risk of sexual side effects than paxil. Anyone have a similar transition and found Cymbalta helpful for anxiety and sexual issues? I'm sad because I really wanted the paxil to work out for me :(

So, I was diagnosed just this past January and I’m still trying to figure out all the ins and outs of living with BPD. It seems like everyday I wake up and it’s like I reach into a tumbler and pick a random mood that sits with me for the day. Like yesterday I was in a pit, suicidal ideation, ruminating on the past, etc. Even mindfulness techniques and some grounding didn’t work to pull me out of the funk. Today is the complete opposite. I was energetic, talkative, not “happy” per-say, but better able to deal with any unpleasant thoughts that popped up. Does anyone else have this same experience of their mood always being a gamble for the day? Thanks for reading.

Hi all 31 years old, I've suffered from crippling social and general nxiety my entire life. After graduating from university, I got an admin job, during covid I got to work from home, I got so use to it, I loved it then last September I was told I'd need to come back into the office. My anxiety got 10 times worse and ultimately I found a new job This new job turned out to be the worst mistake of my life, I'm being overworked, and one of the managers has been unprofessional and rude on several occasions, causing me to cry on one of them. I've been taking sleeping aid for the first time in my life as I literally cannot cope, I wake my partner up with anxiety, my life is painful, I have never ever felt both anxious and depressed. It's ruined me. Today I got offered a part time job, as an admin assistant, at first I was happy but I then realised my salary would drop by 60%, my partner and I worked out, we could live with this but it will decrease but our quality of life would decrease. I feel selfish going part time, but at the same time I just want peace, and working 3 days and having 4 days to rest or do I want without anxiety sounds like a dream But I know I'm being selfish. I don't know what to do. We have a good life financially and we'd need to make changes e.g. we eat sushi like 3 times a week, I highly doubt we would do that, I feel guilt, I really do but at the same time I feel I've suffered for over 30 years But then again if I didn't leave my first job like a moron, and just went back into the office I wouldn't be in this mess

My boyfriend called me insecure this past weekend for getting upset over a comment some girl left under his Facebook post. The post consisted of two pictures he happened to post and the photos included his recent tattoo he got. The tattoo is of a symbol and the reason he got it was because it’s anime related. He’s a big fan of anime. Anyways, to get the point, his girl “friend” said something between the lines of: “That’s cute and it fits you, my little air bender.” So yeah, it upset me and it upset me more so because I just KNOW that he would not be okay if a guy friend of mine left a similar comment under a photo post of mine. He tried to defend her actions by saying “that’s just how she is!”— followed by “you’re so fucking insecure.” I’m just upset because he does so many things that he knows he wouldn’t be okay with if they applied to me. He has deleted some of my guy friends in the past, one time he got super mad that I was keeping in touch with a good friend of mine (he’s male). In which he also made me delete him. As crazy as this may sound, I was open for a healthy and open relationship in the beginning. By open, I mean, that I was fine with him having girl friends and hanging out. Isn’t that what a normal, secure person does? I was open to this because of my past relationship and I know how much I struggled with being jealous. Don’t get me wrong, I do have insecurities and a problem with jealousy, but I just feel it’s so wrong of him to do these things knowing he wouldn’t be okay. As crazy as this sounds, I have stalked some of his girl friends on his friends lists and I am always finding him under their comments, laughing with them, he even gives them laugh reactions… but as soon as a guy comments on my posts and I reply back, he’s mad or calls me “too friendly.” When he literally does this under his posts and girls comments. He’s involved in the gym and has girls who attend his gym message him and responds. I feel he has a social life and I don’t. When we were living together, it was worse. I couldn’t have my one and only friend over. He even kicked her out twice but he always had his friends over. He would leave some nights and not return home. The one night I did go out with my friend and got home late, I was severely beaten. To the point I had to get a CT scan to make sure I was okay. Turned out I had a concussion. He can talk about many friends, guys and girls. Meanwhile I have none and now I feel I’ve lost part of my one and only friend because of how he treated her. I don’t think he understands how I feel or how he makes me feel and I’ve learned to let a lot of things go or not speak up so I don’t scare him away. I keep quiet about a lot and I feel that’s why I spazz out when I do. When we drink, I try to tell him how I feel and it always ends in me wanting to commit suicide or me engaging in self harm. I feel as if I walk on eggshells and he always tells me that I am overacting. How I handle things in the same way a child would. Meanwhile, I always take his feelings into consideration when it involves other people. I’m just so tired of being a people pleaser when it comes to him and I’m tired of feeling gaslighted. ***what should I do?*** ***I’m so attached to him but I don’t think he’s attached to me in the same way…***

Last night I was having a drink, and I decided that it was time to stop drinking for awhile again, so I figured I would drink away all the beers in the fridge and polish off this whiskey bottle I had. It didn't seem like it was that much, but I had also taken some kratom earlier and I also smoked a ton of weed. I ended up sleeping almost until noon, and when I woke up, I didn't feel human. It's almost like I wasn't sure if I was still in a dream or not. I just laid there for hours staring at the ceiling. Not even on my phone or nothing. I've never really been the dissociating type, I mean I space out and day dream a lot, but this was on a whole other level. I was starting to really trip myself out because I feel like I could've laid there the entire day. It's like there is nothing between my ears. My brain is just gone. Shutdown. I hate this feeling. Gotta make sure this never happens again. It took me at least 7 times longer to write this post than it normally would've. Fuck alcohol.

Someone else’s post about erotic transference with their therapist got me thinking. Does anyone else fall for unavailable people all the time, and do guys you think part of it has to do with the logic that “if I just fall for someone that is completely unavailable for me, I can just stay crushing on them forever and live in the fantasy and they can never hurt me?” I think I tend to do this cause real relationships are scary, so if I just keep falling in love with teachers and therapists and celebrities I won’t have to deal with an actual human person in a relationship. Even though love is all I want, I will forever be afraid of it failing. In my head though it’s safe.

I have been suffering from depression and anxiety for more than five years. It was so difficult going through all this without having someone to talk to for almost two years. Those times were the most difficult of my life where I thought I would never be able to come out of this alive. But as soon as I got help and found people to talk to, that was the light at the end of the tunnel. So I pledged my life to make sure that millions of people can seek and receive help when it’s needed. So I spent two years building an AI therapist that can help monitor my mental health through conversational AI human driven intelligence. I thought it can help a lot of people same as it did help me so I thought to put it out there: https://mindhealthai.com/ Please try it out and give me feedback so we can change the world and help millions of people suffering from depression and anxiety around the world.

I’m so tired of this shit, been battling it for 16 years, I rather just fucking die at this point.

i find myself lying all the time. about all kinds of things. a lot of times i don’t even think about it i just start talking and realize i’ve made something up. sometimes it’s to protect myself, sometimes to hurt others and sometimes for no reason at all. is this a BPD symptom? i really don’t feel guilty about it unless i’m caught then i force myself to feel bad. is this a bad thing? what’s your experience/advice?

How can I get over this?? I’m so embarrassed. It’s definitely not the worst pic that could’ve sent but oh my god

I’ve been an essential worker all through COVID. I’ve had like one sore throat for a few days since and that’s it. At the beginning like everyone else I didn’t wear a mask. To be honest around a month ago I kind of stopped caring about wearing my mask and asked what’s the point? I shouldn’t have to be criticized or ostracized for breathing. I have seen Karens on both sides. Are you judging me for my apathy about a mask when I’ve been fine and everyone else around me has been too?

Every day I look at people on the internet,or on the street,or my friends and to me,they look truly happy I can’t understand what happiness is and i can’t remember what it feels like,i genuinely ask myself how those people are feeling and i can’t perceive the fact that they are truly happy.

Probably a BPD thing but I have been reflecting I am in a place where I do not want to recover. I plan to self sabotage mentally till I give up on my life completely I told this to my therapist and she can do with that as she pleases A few days ago I BPD spiraled on a friend and had to apologize. They accepted it and are ok I apologized to another friend (5th apology in a row) and they forgave me What these people don't realize is that I am hurting them and it isn't fair to them Since I have no desire to get better I should just die. They might miss me for a bit but they will realize how reliving it must be to not deal with me anymore. They'll be so happy to not be lashed out at or abused. This is for the better Everyone has a limit to how much abuse they can take. I know they will snap one day. And since I won't change, suicide is my only option now. They'll be alright

Ever since learning about the risk of dented cans + botulism, I've been really stressed about it (I have ocd). This can I opened had a small dent on the side and by the bottom seam, so does that mean it's dangerous? I didn't eat format but I knocked it over after opening it and I don't know if I can just clean it up like normal or if I need to take this more seriously. I'm so stressed that I'm at risk of spreading botulism all through my kitchen because of this :(

i cant listen to my own music (with headphones) because my mom is BLASTING christmas music so i can’t hear my own music which normally helps. i’m currently crying in the bathroom because i’m so overwhelmed but my family is making me feel guilty and like a piece of shit for not participating in the family festivities but i just can’t. i can’t drive because my cars blocked but i might be able to go on a walk. any other suggestions?

I’ve always been in denial about certain things happening to me or the extent to how they have affected me or how bad they were. Since I got a therapist most of that has subsided. However I have flashbacks to a traumatic event in my early childhood and she kindve blindly accepted it as a fact. Should I also do the same? I just find it so hard logically and everything to believe and accept. But it is a licensed therapist so maybe I just should? Idk anymore.

So I have never been diagnosed with BPD despite relaying my erratic and impulsive behaviors with multiple therapists and psychiatrists. I am diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I do feel, however, that I many each components of the diagnostic criteria, and my behaviors never made sense to me until I learned about BPD. That being said, I recently discovered what an FP is, and had a horrible realization that I feel this way about my boss. I began to text him and talk to him WAY too much about my issues after telling him I was going to kill myself twice, a few months ago. Since then, my oversharing has become increasingly personal and mortifying when I look back on it. I’ve told him I was raped, am usually attracted to inappropriate men, and he is the only one besides my therapist who knows the extent of my self-harm. We’ve also had multiple face-to-face talks about what it looks like when I’m suicidal, my isolating, and issues with my family. We have joked with each other since he started the position, since he is the closest of my coworkers to me in age and we have similar senses of humor. He also shares personal stuff with me that he doesn’t seem to with other employees, like when he is feeling overwhelmed and the fact that he is also in therapy. I constantly crave his attention and praise, and am irrationally jealous when he spends time with clients or my other coworkers. A couple months ago he texted me that he was proud of me and the work I had been doing, and I was so shocked and happy, I still have it to look back on. On the other hand, he can be condescending (at least as I perceive it) and despite me being decent at my job, I feel he doesn’t take me seriously. I feel like he constantly corrects me, contradicts almost anything I say, and tries to mansplain everything, including my job. It also sucks when I constantly replay conversations we’ve had that mean so much to me, but he doesn’t even remember them the next day or even in the same shift. It’s like whiplash every day between me wanting his attention so badly, then hating him for criticizing me and fueling my self-loathing further. I get so nervous and feel so young and dumb around him, even though I know I am at least book smart. To compensate, I tend to aggressively try to prove my intelligence, which I’m sure just makes me look more childish and pathetic. I can’t win with him. Today on the ride home, I cried because he looked up a fact I told him and said “oh yeah, you’re right.” I got disproportionately hurt that he seemingly didn’t trust my expertise. I probably flip flop between seeking his praise and trying to completely avoid him a few times a day. In the last few weeks, he has been paying me less and less attention, and doesn’t ask me how I am anymore. I know he is extremely busy, but have reacted by being pouty, quiet, and isolating myself from him anyways, all in the hopes he will notice and ask me what’s wrong. I realize what I am doing, but it doesn’t change the way I feel or how I automatically react. I know he is trying to set firmer boundaries, and that feels terrible. I feel like I’m losing the intimacy I know I built up in my mind, but felt so real anyways. He’s also married, which is not new for me with the string of men I’ve had the same type of relationship with. I seem to find one after another and push boundaries to get each to care about me, and inevitably they stop talking to me when they feel I’m “too much.” I only do this with inappropriate men, which seems different from other FP experiences I’ve read. I’m trying so hard to distance myself from my boss unless necessary, but it feels like pressure is building inside and it’s excruciating because I’m channeling everything into him. I know if I don’t quit my behavior now I will definitely be fired soon, as he has put up with so much blatant boundary crossing as is in his attempt to be supportive of my issues. I’m just at a loss with this high-stakes situation. Sorry this was so long and disorganized.

Let me explain. My anxiety before I was on meds was very flight mode. I couldn’t go into grocery stores I couldn’t answer phones I couldn’t do anything I would just freeze I had a horrible situation happen to me and I was then put on Wellbutrin, lexapro, and Xanax. I don’t have depression issues just anxiety so after I was cleared i took myself off Wellbutrin bc it made me INSANE! I was so loud I wouldn’t shut the fuck and I paced. I now have noticed that when I am anxious I Behave that same way still even being off Wellbutrin for a while. I went from being scared to go into stores to walking in and basically announcing myself, however It’s still anxiety. Yesterday it took me from 8am to 12:30 to make breakfast bc I couldn’t stop pacing my place lmaooo Thinking of going back on lexapro to help calm me the FUCK DOWN heh

I have been through rough times lately causing me to experience severe anxiety, but lately I have been having headaches that make the top right side of my head feel heavy. Is this caused by anxiety or is there another reason for my headaches?

This is not about me being downvoted. However this is an issue I believe in and it has a serious mental impact on me. I just find it upsetting that so many people will ignore or downplay *illegal* behavior that has serious mental and physical health effects. I'd appreciate it if there were more people from mental health communities providing input on this. Granted, it's only reddit, and this particular issue may not be important/acknowledged/an issue by many people. To sum it up, it's concerning harmful noise levels, specifically people modifying their vehicles to excessively loud levels. Wikipedia link and excerpt below the reddit link. [reddit thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/gaming/comments/k1uzy0/if_you_want_to_make_it_realistic/gdqt2zp?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) [Wikipedia link](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Health_effects_from_noise) "Noise health effects are the physical and psychological health consequences of regular exposure to consistent elevated sound levels. Noise from traffic, in particular, is considered by the World Health Organization to be one of the worst environmental stressors for humans, second only to air pollution.[1] Elevated workplace or environmental noise can cause hearing impairment, tinnitus, hypertension, ischemic heart disease, annoyance, and sleep disturbance.[2][3] Changes in the immune system and birth defects have been also attributed to noise exposure.[4]"

I feel people are always talking about their sudden outbursts. However, I feel like I can keep my disorder a secret. There has only been one person whom I was unable to hide from. I would show the entire spectrum of emotions to him within the span of a day. Yet, with everyone else, I have no trouble pretending. Is normal to have such control over it?

hi, i just got discharged from a mental inpatient facility today after a suicide attempt following a stressful event dealing with my self image that ended with me shaving all my hair off and trying to commit suicide by overdosing. i got diagnosed with anxiety and major depression. my doctor was going to diagnose me with bipolar disorder but decided against it since my mood swings didnt last for extended periods of time and mostly had reasons behind them (aside from some random fits of unexplained anger). she told me i fit all the criteria for bpd but that she couldnt formally diagnose me with it since im 17. she prescribed me 20mg of prozac daily and it so far makes me really sick and nauseous. we also did a lot of dbt therapy and i have sessions set up with a therapist and psychiatrist weekly. just wondering what i can try to do from here?

For me, the hobby in question is scale modeling. I was just looking at my collection the other day, and I just forgot with a feeling that it's all just a waste of time and money and I should give it up. Please keep in mind I only have a small (20 aircraft?) collection of models, paints and other tools, the most expensive couple of which, I didn't even pay for. (they were gifts from family)

I really, really just need to vent. I cannot seem to control my emotions, no matter what I do. I can’t bring myself down from any heightened state of anger, despair, frustration and/or jealousy. I am literally being consumed and controlled by the most evil emotions and it makes my stomach churn. I am sitting in a school bathroom and cannot bring myself to go to my really important maths lecture because my brain won’t fucking stop - I’ve taken some antihistamines to hopefully make myself sleepy enough to dull the pain. Last night, I opened up as calmly as I could to my boyfriend that I may be splitting on him due to some obsessive thought patterns regarding his sexual past (I have diagnosed OCD and I will hyperfixate on things such as partners’ hookups, because I’ve never been able to have no-strings attached sex without becoming hopelessly enmeshed with the other person). I explained to him why and that I was aware that I wasn’t thinking rationally so it served as a bit of a notice that I might need some space to simply ride out the split. That was all; I wasn’t upset I was just trying my best to be honest. That was when his mood shifted and he took it personally (which is completely understandable even though I tried to explain as to why the splitting isn’t necessarily personal) and he was saying things such as “I have no idea what you want me to do” and “I can’t do anything right.” The tone of his voice let me know he was exasperated and then he hung up on me as I tried to apologise and say goodnight. From here I’ve been spiralling. I got as high as I could and drove to my friend’s house to avoid hurting myself in the heat of the moment. This morning my mum has been non-stop texting me saying how I need to “calm everything down” and that she’s “losing empathy for me” after i explained that going to see my friend was a mechanism for me to avoid SH. Point is, I don’t see things getting remotely better. My boyfriend sent me a huge paragraph apologising and saying all these lovely things, but I can’t seem to shake off my sadness and frustration. I just want stability more than anything in my life right now, but it’s never going to happen all because of how my parents influenced me growing up. I’m sick, so tired. I just have no fucking idea what to even do with myself anymore.

I’m scared that when I fall asleep I might not wake up. I’m scared of losing my boyfriend through death. I’m scared of my inevitable death. I’m scared of my boyfriends inevitable death. I’m scared my life is ruined.

I wanted to see if anyone else has experienced a noticeable drop in libido? My (27f) husband (32m) and I have had a relatively good sex life up until now. Started taking 20mg of Latuda daily roughly a month ago and now my sex drive is practically non existent. I don’t want to stop taking it because I feel like I’ve finally found the combination that works for me. But the lack of intimacy might become and issue in the long term. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Ever since I was little like around 10 years old , I’ve been afraid of death , one day I was showering and remember thinking one day I’m going to die and it going to be black forever I won’t know , I got a bad anxiety attack and ever since I’ve been afraid of death. I started searching on YouTube what happens after death and I got even more traumatized, I got into Catholicism because they believe in life after death , but I got out of it as I got into biology/chemistry in high school, I know how life works and I started questioning religion and god , and I became atheist,so I’m 16 in HS knowing I’m going die to one and that’s it I began to freak out and induced a panic attack at home thinking I was going to have a heart attack ever since that day I’m afraid the next day or this day is going to be my last day on earth , I’ve been dealing with anxiety for over a decade now I’m 25 and suffer from stress anxiety and depression. I’m unmotivated lazy scared of living . Everyday I have a random symptoms and I think I’m going to die from a heart attack or stroke . I’m an alcoholic for sure from partying every weekend to drinking at home now because I’m scared to socialize. I’ don’t know what I’m saying I’m just ranting at this point .

How to accept the fact that I won't be alive this time tomorrow?

I cannot believe how much money I have spend on blood sugar test [strips.it](https://strips.it) all started with an er visit where the doctor asked me to check my blood sugar the next time I have an episode.i was in denial back then that what I had was [anxiety.](https://anxiety.so)its my own fault that I made her seem like it was low blood sugar.since then, every time I had anxiety ,every time I felt wiped out, irritated,on the edge, id check my blood sugar.ive at least bought 4 devices and at least 300 Plus test [strips.now](https://strips.now) that is a lot of money.i haven't done that in about 6 months now I guess.since I ve stopped doing blood sugar tests, blood pressure,pulse,spo2 and ekg on my Apple Watch,my anxiety have considerably decreased to the point that its not there anymore ..brain mris heart mris, stress test, echo test.... I've done it all ..its such a shame I've spend all this money and I see people who cannot afford these tests for conditions that are terminal ..such a shame.

My partner has BPD. Long story short he HATES when I go to work. I've been told it's a BPD trait and I've learned a little about it. But it doesn't help the overwhelming sadness that happens when a shift is approaching. Or worse, when I pick up a shift. He loses his mind. He cries and sulks and says things that are so upsetting because he doesn't want me to be gone. Even just driving past my work will put him in an awful mood for the rest of the day. I don't know how to help him feel better, or how to help my own overwhelming shame and guilt whenever I work. Or when I pick up a shift it's just pure dread because I have to tell him and it's a breakdown all over again. I'd not take extra shifts, but he refuses to work and we desperately need the money. Some days I just want to quit. Which sucks because I really enjoy my job, but it's exhausting and overwhelming having to deal with this. I'm constantly walking on eggshells especially when it comes to work. I could really use any sort of advice right now. I'm overwhelmed, and I'm getting desperate. TDLR; My partner loses it when I have to go to work and I don't know how to deal with it anymore

I'm collaborating with a few people on a program to lower anxiety by reframing the stories we've formed during our childhood and past experiences called [Truer Version of Yourself.](https://www.acornoak-studio.net/truer-version-yourself) What are the best resources you've found on reframing stories? Thanks!

Hi everyone, just wanna explain situation. 2 years I used a lot of drugs, I m clean since 8 months. First 2 months after withdrawal I had anxiety depression. I thought it was symptom of withdraw of drugs. I went to the doctor they gave me med for depression. But still I hear voice in my head it s like I dont know how to explain but it s like my voice and can't stop it never. And when I look at the mirror I see myself exactly same but I feel different even if I dont realize sometimes I m talking and weird but making some reactions. I was so social but not going even out for 6 months dont wanna talk to someone. I moved family home back but it s still same. what should I do any advise would be great

I (23 M) have been thinking all month long about moving out of parents house and I even started getting everything in place. I started packing all my clothes, clean my room, and even talked with the renter. I was actually kind of excited, but then my anxiety started creeping in and it's making me question my decision. Some of the questions that came up were "Will I be able to make it in the real world?" "Will I make any new friends?" "What will my parents and siblings think when I tell them?" I don't know what to think at this point but any advice at this point would be helpful.

I’ve been having a really rough month and a half or so and this morning when I woke up, I felt a little bit anxious but not nearly as bad as I normally do. When I woke up this time though, my heart felt like it was constantly having palpitations. I just had surgery last month on the 8th so I’m worried it could be something to do with that. Maybe I’m just overthinking it because I’m stressed and overwhelmed. Has this happened to anyone else?

I am currently in a relationship, and it's going pretty well. I have my unstable moments but I've learned to cope with them and communicate in a healthy way even if I can't help thinking or feeling something irrational, and my partner understands and helps me as best he can. There is one problem, though: he has another partner. I feel bad for the way this tends to makes me feel so terrible, since I know I'm poly as well and I'd love to have a girlfriend too, and I don't wanna be a hypocrite and freak out when he sees other people despite me also wanting to do that. More than anything I just want him to be happy. If that means having other partners than just me, then so be it. I can't help comparing myself to his other partner, though. I can't help but feel like he likes him more than me, that he's going to forget about me, that he's going to leave me. This has caused several breakdowns. If I can't find a way to cope with this then I know I should just leave, but I want that only to be a last resort. I really, really, really love him and I want this to work. Has anyone else here had experience with this? Can anyone offer advice on how to cope with the fears of abandonment in a polyamorous relationship?

Does that mean everyone is sad? Or am I lying to myself about feeling sad? Am I still just a gloomy teenager (I'm 18)? Or am I just not getting through to her? Or is this her way of helping me? Because it just makes me feel like I'm overreacting! Maybe I am? I'm wasting her time maybe? I guess real depressed people aren't very subtle how they feel or something, you know, I guess I'm only depressed if I straight up tell my psychologist that I wanna kill myself!!! You know I'm in UNIVERSITY so that must mean that I CANT BE UNMOTIVATED, SOMETHING MUST HAVE MOTIVATED ME TO DO ANYTHING RIGHT? I CANNOT BE DEPRESSED, IM STILL TRYING!! SO IM NOT THAT SAD RIGHT? I should stop trying really, just let it get worse until I ACTUALLY have a problem worth solving. Like maybe I should stop eating or just never go to sleep, so that I deserve to be helped. I'm tired of floating in this middle space: not happy but also not sad enough to be able to solve any problem. How do I solve a problem that doesn't exist?

is this normal? every-time i feel like someone i consider a friend doesn’t like me or they act a bit mean i get really suicidal. It happens worse when i get into fights with people i care about too.

I have an 8-year-old who has severe ADHD. Sometimes, I wonder if they might have BP, as well. I was diagnosed with Bipolar with psychotic features by the time I was their age. Their other biological parent has had MDD since childhood. We both attempted suicide by the time by/before the age of 8. We are also both autistic. My child takes medication for their ADHD and to help them sleep. They haven't been evaluated for a mood disorder, but I'm thinking that I should discuss it with their psychiatrist. I was hoping somebody might help me understand how one might differentiate ADHD from mania in children. I am not very knowledgeable about child psychology. I'm not asking for a diagnosis - just whether somebody might help educate me so that I know what to discuss with their psychiatrist (short appointments). TIA for any input.

I met a guy on Yubo and he started calling me every night. He lives in a different state, pretty far away from me. He quickly became obsessed with me and said that he loved me on our third phone call. He wants me to say it back, but I’m not in love with him, at lease not yet. He gets really upset about it, but usually he just laughs it off, but not tonight. He told me he had to go and that I should call him back later, so I did. We were completely silent for a bit, but then he started saying that he’d be better off dead, he has nothing to live for, everything hurts, he’s a failure. I told him he’s too young to be a failure (we’re 17), but he said no. This isn’t the first time he’s said these things to me, but never like this. His voice sounded so different. He sounded so broken. His voice was deeper and he sounded so tired. I never know what to say, so I just stay quiet. He told me I have until his birthday (6 months from now) to “talk to him, to see him”. I asked him what he meant by that but he never answered. He didn’t tell me what he’s going to do on his birthday. I told him to please not hurt himself, but he said he’s past the point of hurting himself. I asked my best friend and my brother what to do and they said to block him, but I literally can’t do that. I don’t want to, at all. I really like talking to him, but when he does this, I just get so paranoid. I’m worried he’s going to hurt himself or someone else. Please someone tell me what to say to him, or something I can do. I’m really, really scared.

For me it felt more freeing to feel like nobody loved me and I could swiftly and safely leave and it would be a good thing for them not to have to deal with me anymore. But now that my family has let me know that they love me, and how much it would hurt them if I left, I feel like I have no option but to keep on living and it sucks. I don't want to hurt people. I know with how much my mom loves me it would absolutely tear her apart to lose her only son. So I have to keep on living but I'm not enjoying it.

i'm so mad at myself. i've been jealous specifically of one person my boyfriend works with. mostly based off of the fact that 1. they're more attractive than me 2. some weeks i feel like they see him more often than i do (weird work schedules) 3. my bf and i met at work, so what's stopping my boyfriend from falling for someone ELSE that isn't me in the same situation? realistically i know these feelings are irrational, and we've talked about it (and i have been reassured) a million times. and i've been doing better with it for the most part! it's been hard, but i've worked up to being able to hear about my bf getting a ride home from said coworker without shutting down and/or spiraling. and at the end of the day, despite my paranoia, i do genuinely trust my partner. but...i had a few drinks, and my partner was too tired to get up to fetch his phone charger from the other room, so i said i'd grab it and plug his phone in when i got up next. when i eventually got around to plugging it in, the screen lit up and i noticed said coworker messaged him on tumblr. i felt like i was going to puke...and for whatever reason, i couldn't wrangle the urge i've been fighting for months on end. i scrolled through their messages for a good...5-10 minutes i think? and found mostly nothing, 80% just posts being sent back and forth. but also a couple of things that i imagine are very easily interpreted as suspicious only by those as insecure and paranoid as myself. generic, friendly, platonic affection. i send my friends heart emojis and tell them i hope they're ok all the time, right? i get messages from my friends saying they love me! so why can't he, right? why do i feel like scooping my fucking eyeballs out over it? i feel so guilty. i've done nothing but betray my partner's trust and make myself feel suicidal. i want to trust my partner! especially after hearing 1000 reasons why he only wants me and how things would never work out with this specific person anyways even if he wanted to! why am i like this? it's so fucking frustrating. i feel like i should confess to my bf tomorrow, but i feel so sick at the thought. i'm scared he'll leave me. i make myself sick. fuck. i want to fucking rip my guts out. i'm such a fucking awful boyfriend, even if i was being cheated on i would deserve it.

i really dont want to stop either like wow i've been doing this for years and having the addiction bad enough to cut every month was bad enough and now i do it every day or every other day and i'm like,, well my waist is fucked LOL um. there's no going back anymore, i know better than to try stopping because when i do that, the urges get fucking horrific and i feel unbearably suicidal and i end up cutting myself WAY worse than i would if i did it regularly.. i really fucked myself up huh.. don't get into the cycle if you haven't already it's insanely addictive (for me at least..)

For the last 5 months I’ve been struggling with severe brain fog and depersonalization. It all started the day after I took this Alka Seltzer heartburn/sleep aid. I woke up the next morning and my head felt super heavy and pressured. Since then the head pressure and depersonalization has gotten increasingly worse plus I’m getting severe chest heaviness to the point where I can’t stand for 2 minutes without hyperventilating. I also took a pill called cyclobenzaprine to help me with sleep. Now I’ve been getting aggravating zaps/jolts all over my body plus the brain pressure/fog has gotten so severe. I notice it gets worse in cold weather and around heat. I also took Knolopin in March for only two days and I stopped but that was in the beginning of the year so I’m wondering if a combination of these things made it worse I tried everything to fix it. Ive eating more fish(omega 3s) and veggies, nuts/seeds, i’ve cut out added sugar, gluten, dairy and limited my wheat intake. I’ve tried doing 2 mile walks. Its getting worse and worse everyday and I feel like I’m losing my life. Is there anything I can do to fix this?

It makes my jaw drop, how people see the universe revolving around them, no compromise. No concern. They help others, for what’s really deeper down for themselves. When I’m splitting ... I pose empathy entirely. But majority of the time I feel like a human amongst heartless robots

hello :) first i would like to say i am a mental health specialist, but i feel i am a little to close to this subject so i am struggling with an inferiority complex despite my own experience, quite anxious about it being just right. i don't want to reveal too much personal info regarding the backstory, but basically i am acknowleding how she suffered in silence for the first few years of her bpd diagnosis due to a family interfaith conflict. "symptoms" seems medically cold/impersonal. "side effects," "life challenges," "continual impact," ... i want to explore more than just the namhi checklist you can find in a bhc, and i think that is where i get ahead of myself and get mad because i just remember some staff i have worked and i just pre-pre frustrated. i don't know. if i was charting, this would come to me. this was my sister, so nothing seems right. sorry if this is scattered. this project is hard on my heart.

Attached below is todays video link to my “On Conquering Schizophrenia” YouTube channel. Today entails one of my all-time favorite amusing psychotic anecdotes! Like all, todays video is ever brief and can be viewed amid light countenance! https://youtu.be/6l97POgXjzk

I play video games during a decent chunk of my free time and have for most of my life. A lot of those games have prominent multiplayer modes and I hear people talking on mic some times, especially when playing team based games/modes. I'd really like to actually talk to them but every time I think about turning my mic on I'm filled with anxiety about what people will think. I'm mostly worried that they'll start paying attention to me in game and when I start doing bad they'll start talking trash and call me out. People giving me attention makes me anxious. I've mostly been content with playing solo all these years, but I can't help but feel bad when my older brother who is extremely extroverted talks about all the cool and fun things his friends do together online and irl. And there are lots of games that are clearly intended to be played with multiple people or at least seem more fun when in a group and I'd like to experience that. Any advice?

This might be weird but… I almost like being sad? I dunno. I’ll literally listen to nostalgic music and look back at old videos and shit to make myself think about how shitty my life is now so that I’ll just get sad on purpose. Even on the rare nights where I wasn’t already feeling like this. Like why tho. Why does brain like the big sad. It’s not like it makes me happy, it’s like sometimes I just need to be sad… I dunno I guess it kind of feels like it’s an actual emotion, like something deep inside. Happiness and everything else just feels so shallow. Like it’s just surface level and it doesn’t mean anything. Maybe it’s a substitute for love and connection? I dunno I’m still just in high school but I fucked up my one chance to get a girlfriend because I’d been pulling all nighters to get missing assignments done by the end of the year and… yeah that’s a long painful story. I’m just rambling at this point but god I just don’t understand my brain fuuuuuuuccckk

Hell, I had to rehearse how I write this post in my head about ten times before I finally post. It could be anything - imagining myself confronting/apologizing/talking to my FP, imagining myself in future interactions with others, imagining myself playing in a gig (I play music), remembering my dreams and trying to fit it in the future, etc. This happens whenever my mind is not fully occupied for as long as I can remember. Since my diagnosis, this whole BPD thing is very new to me. It explained a lot of my thoughts, feelings, actions, and habits from more than half of my life. I am now trying to figure which habits are BPD related and which are not.

What are you celebrating this week? Ace a test? Manage to make a phone call? Breakthrough in therapy? Whatever it is, no matter how small you think it is, let us know!

I don't think I'm suicidal but... But I can't imagine living on when my parents pass. I have a good group of friends - I used to live with them but we now see each other once a week I'm single but I'm not looking for a relationship, I don't like the idea of dating I have a job and a few hobbies but I can't say I'm passionate about it Anyway, I don't think I'm suicidal or extremely depressed but I just don't feel fulfilled and I don't see the point of carrying out without my family Anyone else feel/felt this way?

How do I know if lithium is working for me? I had three long manic episodes last year but I didn't get delusional or anything, just bad insomnia and uncomfortable energy

Hey, I'm going to a job fair today to hopefully get a better job. I'm just gonna go in being myself. Wish me luck today!

Breaking glass and car alarms. I work alone in an office overnight and hearing these noises scare the living shit out of me. I can shrug off hearing my name, or people talking about me in the other room. I know that’s not real, but anxiously checking for broken windows or checking on my car is preoccupying more of my time lately. Does anyone else deal with primarily non-verbal auditory hallucinations?

After a good week, the FP/BF and I are looking for a dumb game on the playstore When I realize, all of his recommendations for apps are either sex apps, dating apps, or something inbetween. And all "asian" based Jesus christ maintaining the mixture of BPD rage and normal human insecurities is. So....difficult. "I sWeAr IdK wHeRe ThOsE cOmE fRoM, dOnT bE AlL BpD aBoUt It" Jesus. Fuck i hate everything. But guys. I will. Maintain. My composure. I can do it.

Literally everything I do I question if I'm doing it right and I sometimes think my wife and son would be better off without me. I passed my driving test over 4 years ago and have for some reason lost my confidence in driving, I have barely driven since passing and it's really getting me down. I think if I could conquer that that would help me a lot but I keep putting it off whenever I get the chance to drive. Constantly walking around with the weight of the world on my shoulders recently. Maybe it's the relentless bull shit of lockdowns etc that isn't helping

I split on my husband over a period of a few months and it made me end things with him. Sure, he had his faults. He was incredibly lazy and we both let the flat get into such a state. He also spent the majority of gaming. But he was very supportive and helped a lot with my mental health and made sure I took my meds. I ended things with him in July. I'm now back living with my parents, which is fine but they can be helicopter parents. I can't even go back on my decision, because I told my family some bad stuff about him. All of our furniture is gone. We are in the process of selling the flat, but he is fuming at me because I did not give him a straight answer and he is refusing to help me pay the mortgage until the flat is sold. My health is ranking, because I'm not taking my meds. The only way out of this situation is to kill myself. I've already started writing a will. I hate being like this.

When i'm alone, when i'm around people. When i'm working, when i'm not working. I just feel like i forgot how to live. So many things can go wrong. My life is already pretty bad, I can't afford to make any more mistakes. I'm doing my best to deal with this but it has very little effect. I stopped going to therapy a while ago becouse i'm too anxious to go there. It had no efect anyway and i tried multiple therapists. I have other mental issues beside anxiety and i feel like it absorbed my whole personality. I completly lost myself in those illnesses and i'm afraid i will never have a normal life.

Sometimes it almost feels like my brain has safety measures inside of it. Like the moment it feels any pain or a sense like we might get hurt, it tries to protect the both of us by making me shut down. By closing everything around me off. It's like there's so much self-preservation inside of me that I can't get too close to anything. Or anyone. And it's so automatic, like this is gonna sound so dumb but sometimes it feels like when one of those "invisible walls" pop up in videogames, to stop you from going somewhere you can't or that's too much for you right now. And you can see everything beyond it, but you can't get there. And the walls are just for you. I just want my brain to shut up most of the time. But today.. I get it. Sorta. I don't know, maybe I've just gotten tired of shooing it away. Maybe sometimes it feels like the only company I can trust is myself. ​ ...Okay uh thanks for coming to my ted talk. Vent's over. haha

I’m kind of conflicted about all this and even what kind of advice or discussion I’m trying to get out of this, but I’d like to just vent this all out to some extent. I think I’ve grown a lot since quarantine started in a variety of ways, but even as privileged as this is, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed quarantine. I’ve become a bit of a recluse, rarely leaving my house or even room, and have always been introverted, though I’m not exactly quiet or necessarily socially awkward. Between the reflecting on my past combined with the idea of my future, I think I realized I have had or developed some level of social anxiety or even agoraphobia. When I was a little kid, I had some fairly bad behaviors that I later realized were and only could have been due to anxiety and were generally uncommon enough at the time that no one could tell me or my parents why I was doing certain things. A lot of other stuff I looked back on and realized that are probably not normal behaviors that were just so normal to me that I didn’t really think differently (hyperventilating every time I cry, crying about every little thing or argument, even to the point that I will cry when I’m not even upset just instinctually when I or someone else raises their voice, etc.) A few days ago while in the car, I was on the verge of a breaking down just by thinking about returning back to school and such a crowded environment full of judgement and people that I won’t befriend and have accepted that I won’t. It sounds cynical, but relating to the “I’ve never been happier” part of the title, I have a great group of online friends, and I’ve always been way more comfortable socially talking through text or voice calls. In real life, I can only be around maybe 2-3 people at once in person excluding my family, which can still be overwhelming in some scenarios, and even with 3 people in real life who I consider my closest friends in real life, I can feel very uncomfortable with. Overall, I’m happy living my life as it currently is, and it’s not like I dislike people or am not interested in meeting other people, but it makes me anxious to some extent and I’m worried about how that will affect me when I will need to do that sort of stuff.

Hey so I have a horrible/ crippling anxiety. It’s too the point where I barely like leaving my house. Lately I’ve been wanting to just crawl in a hole and just stay there. 2021 is the worse year of my life by far. I lost my brother to covid, lost my relationship of a year like three weeks ago, and I just received word my grandmother has about six months to live. So I just been struggling mentally. However, my best friend invited me out to a laker game and weekend get away (I love lebron) and his family was able to get me a ticket to a game. I guess I’m asking for is advice on whether I should go or not. I know this may seem like a “no brainer” but I been feeling like I’m just going to ruin the fun weekend by being a “Debby downer” plus my energy has just been so low lately ..I know I wouldn’t be down for being out all day everyday while I’m there. My anxiety is telling me that it’s best if I don’t go but my mom and other loved ones are saying that I need to go. (They don’t really understand anxiety) I’m just not feeling it…In a way I feel like I don’t deserve to go. Next this new strand of covid (omicron) is making me nervous. Should I wait to hop on a flight !??? I’m just so lost right now idk what to think honestly. I have like another week to decide because the trip is next Thursday. Any advice would be greatly appreciated do you think I should go or stay home?? Thanks

It’s not going to get better. I am not going to get better. I don’t know what to do. The meds aren’t helping. Therapy was not helping, and it never will. I am doing everything right. Getting help, going to school, working. I managed to move out of my parents place. People in my life say that they are proud of me. That I’m keeping it together. Still I’ve never felt worse. I am an idiot. I am mean. Every close relationship I’ve had has fallen apart. And it’s my fault. I am too much. I am too … broken. It was supposed to get better. I was supposed to get better. It never got better. And I’m losing the little hope I had left. I try to go out. Get to know people. Be social. But I don’t know how to read people. I don’t know how to talk to them. I don’t know how to react to things like person. Therefore I can’t maintain close relationships. Romantic or platonic. I can’t be with people, but I hate being alone. I don’t know what to do. I feel so trapped in my own head. I am so useless. I am so stupid. Why can’t I just be normal? Why can’t I just be ok? TLDR I am doing everything right, yet I’ve never felt worse. What am I supposed to do?