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R-Arfin

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Depression

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my dad is cheating on my mom. theyve been married 30 yrs

Background: My dad(55m) has never been very faithful to my mom(58f). They’ve been married for over 30 years, and around 2013 I found out he’d been cheating on her with a woman, let’s call her Alex(40-60f) from the place we’d just moved from (imagine small town moving to big city) through a weird connection of my iPod to his iPhone. Alex was sending him photos of a baby, and explicit messages proving they were having some kind of relationship. I told my mom this, and it was obviously uncomfortable and she was angry with me. She very clearly felt that it was none of my business. When she confronted him, he denied everything. This really damaged our relationship. Later, around 2015, he accidentally left himself logged into his Facebook account on the family computer, where he was messaging a woman(45-55? F)explicitly. She was also married as far as I know. I told him I saw those messages, and he stated they were just friends and that I shouldn’t punish him for having friends and I don’t understand how hard his life is. We’ve had many fights and issues in the past, and he’s likely a narcissist. Not to mention, he was very sexually inappropriate with me throughout my life, until my adulthood. I came home from university and he slapped my ass, which I yelled at him to stop. He has gaslighted me throughout my childhood, and decimated parts of my relationship with my mom by constantly talking shit about her whenever she wasn’t around. I believed she was horrible until I left for school and had a few wake up calls. She definitely isn’t perfect but we’ve worked so much on our relationship, and we are in a really good place right now. What’s happening is breaking my heart. I feel like I finally have a mom who loves me and understands me, and I feel like she’ll never forgive me. My dad offered me a position at his small business for a few weeks this summer. I’m in nursing school, so I work as an unpaid intern for 2 months into the summer, so I said yes because they do not financially support me and I really need the money. I’m in school full time and I live away from home, I have for four years. I live in City A. His business is in a city(city b) about 4 hours away from my family’s place(city c), where my mom lives. Essentially, he travels and lives in city b from Monday-Thursday, and then returns back to city C on the weekends. He left his phone out on my desk about a week and a half ago, and I saw a text from a woman, we can call her Jane(50-60f). Of course, I didn’t want to look. But I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The next day, I looked on his phone and found that he’s been chatting with 5 different women, all of them for over 6 months at least. ‘Jane’ thinks that they are in a monogamous relationship. I have no idea if any of them know about my mom. He is using a fake name for ‘jane’ on his phone, and I’m sad to say I really snooped around. When he was in meetings, I looked through his phone and his computer. I guess it was my way of compartmentalizing. I took screenshots and photos of it I also found texts from a woman confirming child support payments and found photos of a child. I have a half-brother that I didn’t know existed. My dad is already a selfish, workaholic, asshole, and he’s completely abandoned that child. Apparently he visited the small town we moved from last year. I don’t know how long or of what nature his relationship is with the mother of that child. I don’t know if my mom is aware of this child either. I am too scared to confront my father and am honestly scared he will text with violence. If he’s hiding this much from my mom, where’s the boundary line…I don’t know what he would do to keep me quiet. Not to mention, I’m a lesbian. My father is in denial of my sexuality and my gender expression. I can’t believe I’ve spent my life so worried about what he thinks of my being with a woman, while he’s with FIVE(not including my mom). I don’t know what to do. Last weekend my friend visited, and I couldn’t speak to my mom. We’re heading back to city C tomorrow night, and I have no idea how to approach this with my mom. I’m so scared of how she’ll react, and if she’ll have a strong shoot the messenger reaction. She always defends him when I point out the obvious awful things he does. I will literally be blowing up the lives of everyone in my family. I need to figure out how to talk to her about this, and how much she knows. Is it really possible she doesn’t know about a child he’s had for at least 10 years? I am going to say something to my mom. How should I say it? Should i give her all the info I have or just give her my dads phone? She’s not great with tech. I’m really out of my depth here folks.

I feel helpless

Everyday I wake up and feel so grateful that she is a part my life. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I can't thank god enough. But it's just that she gets sick a lot and she gets depressed every time it happens. The biggest issue is she is a rare case and the moment we think she is back to normal she gets sick again. She starts talking about me leaving her for someone who is healthy. How am I supposed to tell her that she is my whole world and no one can ever in the slightest take her place. I don't mind her being sick at all, heck, I'll do anything she wants or is necessary to take care of her. I just want to do something that'll help her cope with her sadness and I don't know what to do...

I’m so tired of being a woman around older men.

I don’t know if I’m just naive, overly sensitive or just expect too much from men. I’m in my early 20s and time after time I show friendliness to men, typically in the workplace, and after I get comfortable in the friendship or acquaintance they say something that fucks it all up. Twice in one week has my opinion on a man in my work life been ruined. First a man older than my parents that I saw as a friend that i thought I could trust like I could a woman told me he had a not so pg dream of me and now I’m uncomfortable and then today a regular at my job that I try to be kind to considering he has had strokes making him hard to understand (reminded me of my late grandfather in that aspect) so I try to be decent and spend a little extra time talking to him, made a comment on my ass and the howled at me when I walked away. We’ve never talked about anything outside garden and dog stuff so it came completely out of left field. I already have low trust in men from my past but I still try to socialize to a degree and any kindness gets repaid with this crap. I’m tired of having a body and not being able to just be. I wear baggier pants and wont wear shorts or anything remotely revealing for this very reason but it doesn’t stop. I’m just so tired of it. I wish I was just a puff of smoke.

i’m not sure what to do

There’s this guy i talked to for a month and a half before we met up. we clicked and there was a ton of chemistry between us. we went on three dates, and were nonstop texting. as of two weeks ago, he texted me saying that he was going through some stuff and that he was sorry for not texting me back and he understood if i didn’t wanna talk to him anymore. i replied back and let him know that it was okay and that he could take time to focus on himself and we could always start up again at a later date. now here i am two weeks later really wanting to text him and see how he’s doing but i’ve been told to wait and have him text me first. i’m kinda torn cause i want to check up on him plus he’s on social media constantly even though he said he wouldn’t be on his phone much. what should i do?

Told a lie to the tire guy

When I was 22 I still didn’t know tires didn’t have a set “pressure”. I thought tires could only be filled all the way to their correct pressure and they were good (like an inner tube). NOPE. Wrong. Over filled all my tires then took it into a shop to check out the “weird noise” coming from my car. Guy comes back and asked who aired up my tires and how bad they were overfilled. I was so embarrassed that I blamed it on my shitty X boyfriend. Guy then informed me about actual tire pressure and I went on my way. I live with this lie to this day.

She got me not acting normal.

She got me not playing video games as much got me not eating as much got me not sleeping as much she got my heart jumping with joy. All I been wanting to do is talk to her. Is this normal?

i broke up with him.

but not way you’d think. he changed. so fast and so quickly that i was panicked by what was happening, i was there when he felt upset. i reassured him, i loved him and i gave him space. but it got so personal? he was purposely avoiding me, he was friends with other girls i had no idea about, and he’d go to them and his other friends to distract himself. he wouldn’t fix anything with me, and i was losing myself. we started arguing, and i just knew it was going to end in a breakup. but i didn’t expect it to happen this quickly? why did he have to change? he was so loving and sweet to me, he was my first kiss. what did i do to deserve this? i feel relieved for some reason, but i love him and i don’t want to anymore. i told him not to drag me through hell, and he still did anyway. why???????

I started resenting my gf and have no idea how to move pa

Basically, I am dating my girlfriend for almost two years and recently have started to resent as she is a complete soul suck and I feel like an emotional support puppy. As of about the recent 6-8 months I stopped really feeling attracted to her because of her behavior. The behaviour in mind is the fact that her mood is constantly down and she is one of the most unambitious people I know. I also feel like I'm the moving force in our relationship taking us out and so on. An example of this is how each time we see each other, I was the one saying or planning what we will do as she was undecided. Another thing is the fact that during most of our meetups she is a soul suck, the recent example of this is how we attended a wedding in my family, after a couple hours in about 7-8 pm she started sleeping on the table, while I was talking to other people at the same table, we weren't eating at the moment so I don't think it was rude but still like cmon, even my 9 year old brother had more energy. The other thing is our sex life where at some point before we actively had horny dms or stuff, as well I felt she initiated some sexual stuff. At some point in our relationship, I began to be the only one initiating intercourse or horny dms, and that makes me feel so bad, recently I did that and right now I feel so empty inside. This could be linked to the birth control she started taking and is now going off from, however I still feel like shit and don't know what to do about it. I also mentioned being her emotional puppy, that's because she was through some heavy shit including selfharm, an eating disorder and some traumatic experiences. She never went for therapy for any of this and therefore when she is feeling, which is quite often I am the only person to help her. I too feel like shit sometimes, and also had some issues I would rather not bring up, however I never tell her about my mood, which is awful lately, because I don't want to bother her. Because of all of this whenever she calls, or messages me, I don't engage a lot. I tell her she looks pretty everytime I see her, because I believe it but sometimes I just can't stand talking to her as she responds to me in her gloomy tone. I roll my eyes when she calls etc. That's why I came here, to ask is this is salvagaeble or if I should just break up? Maybe I could do something to make it better, and maybe I'm the bad person for feeling like this about her, but these are my feelings and don't want to keep them in. An important thing to mention is that I talked with her about all of these things a month ago, and don't feel that anything changed much, since I'm writing this post. The wedding situation is more recent than that conversation. Sorry if this may be incoherent I have a writing disability, and I'm not sure if grammarly picked everything up.

HELP!!! both virgins but noticed a condom broke…

Hi guys, I'm fairly new to this type of sexual type of stuff. So heres the story: Me (20M) and my gf (19F) both tried to lose our virginity today. As soon as i put the condom in and thrusted in my gf 2-3 times, I was halfway in then I heard a pop, I pulled out and noticed the condom ripped. I didn't ejaculate but there was some "pre-cum". We both then stopped doing everything and went to pee and thoroughly washed our areas, should we be worried? I later then convinced her to take plan B since i was concerned, should i still be concerned because she said that her period is irregular and is inconsistent? She just took Plan B after the event happened after 4 hours later because i was concerned. EDIT: She later then told me that her last period was around 39 days ago, will I be fine?

I hate my mom so much I wouldn't even go to her funeral

I don't even know where to begin she married this guy who would beat us up all the time he would like hitting my head and drag me around the house for years and she just let him keep coming back I was to young to do anything I couldn't even defend my self and she would always for give him then after many years she finally divorced and left him She got another bf who did meth and Crack and made me wash cars with him for 4 dollars an hour in the sun (abt 80 degrees) so he can buy meth he would even take me with him sometimes and leave me in a dark alley for a long time while he did become clean it took him 2 years She was super nosy and would get into my private life, where do ur friends live, what's there name, boys or girls, how old, what do u talk abt, what time do they sleep? And she would get mad if I didn't tell her She told evemy secrets and my sexuality and said ima go to hell and told everyone I'm a femboy and took off my door for a year She lied about my dad being a bad person and told lies about him She put me in child labor at 12 years old She tricked her bf to buy 2 houses worth around 180k each without his name on it She kicked me out at 17 and said I never wanna see ur stupid face again She would mentally abuse me and her bf She even tried pulling my towel off my body when I was naked (I was 17 at the time) I moved away but she's trying to guilt trip me now and say I'm in the wrong Do I deserve to hate her after all this? After all the years I helped her, I helped make her hundreds of thousands of dollars and even gave her 5k dollars and she still calls me a disappointment i was always with her for work cleaning up after hoarders for years Now I know y all her kids hate her

My first surgery and I’m alone

I’m (f22) a stay at home gf I cook/clean and take care of our dog 24/7 when my bf (m28) is or isn’t home. Yesterday I was playing with our dog when I tripped and thought I sprained my foot but it got too unbearable I had to go to the hospital and they told me it was broken and that I needed surgery. My family is in another state and I don’t have any irl friends but anyone I try to contact doesn’t answer anyways, texts nor calls. I feel like there’s a hole in chest because I’m always there for anyone in need but it seems people only talk to me when they need to vent or want money. My bf isn’t the best supportive person either he doesn’t know how to handle emotions very well but he called into work knowing I have surgery tomorrow morning so I’ll be alone before and after. I tried explaining to him how alone I felt but he told me I technically wouldn’t be alone in the operating room because of the doctors and nurses. Also my so called best friend (f19) doesn’t seem to care either because she sent multiple paragraphs telling me she knows I’m in pain but she needs me to ship out her stuff I’m giving to her for free so she can start an online business. I have other family members and friends that I don’t even want to try to bother because I’m not that close with them and I don’t want a pity party I just want a shoulder to lean on. I’m terrified because I’ve never broken anything nor ever had surgery and I don’t want anything to go wrong and I want to walk perfectly fine again someday. The only one always next to me is my dog, I wish we could talk to dogs because he honestly is my best friend (we watch all dogs go to heaven together a lot). I’m telling this here because I don’t want to open up to people I know anymore and I hopes to get some support and comfort here ❤️

I think I like someone and idk what to do

I've been using dating apps for a while and I for a couple weeks with a guy I found attractive and interesting. We have the same mentality and way of thinking and we are both pretty sure we would get on perfectly well if we started going on dates. The thing is that I'm going on vacation and visiting some relatives for summer, meaning that I'll only be a couple days at our town until september and when I'll be in town, he will be working so we won't be able to see eachother until september. We discussed it and got to the conclusion that it was okay to wait a month and a half, I'm not worried about that. The thing is that we moved from talking on tinder to talking on instagram and now the conversation has gotten cold. I'm doing my own things and I'm a bit busy, also I'm not the kind of person that enjoys talking a lot over the phone, but now idk if I should talk to him or wait until I'm back in town in september or what to do. Idk I know I'm overthinking bc I don't want to pursue a relationship or something like that rn and he doesn't either. But I guess being that confortable talking with someone is something I needed to feel and now it's like I don't want to miss my chance to meet him and see what could happen. Idk, we ended our conversation with a goodnight and it wouldn't be weird to ask him what's up but I feel sooo nervous about doing it ugh

I am worried that he will cheat again

My (f24) bf (m26) plays video games a lot with his online friend group and he told me that there is a new girl who annoys him a lot. He mentioned her a few times now, how she has a "tits bonus" because men send her gifts and how she moans sometimes in their audio call etc. He also follows her now on instagram. I didn't think anything of it but then i saw that he wrote her (he lets me play on his steam and his friends windows was open and i saw that one of his last chats was with that girl - ik its not cool but i wanted to see what it was about). They only chatted a little, he asked her if she would join their audio call and he also told her that he stalked her instagram, nothing sexual but iniated by him. But the thing is, that he cheated earlier in our relationship by sexting another woman, whom he met in an online game, and idk, its just worries me that this will be the same situation.

I'm a complete loser.

I'm a 26 year old male who still lives with his parents. I have no friends, and no significant other. I've never been physically intimate with another human being. I feel incredibly mentally disconnected from other people. It's like I'm a ghost or an NPC. I could go on and on about it. I strongly desire human connection, but the mere thought of interacting with people in anything more than the most casual and superficial way makes me feel profoundly uncomfortable. I see no real way to fix my social life. I'm convinced that I will be alone for the rest of my life. I'm ugly and my personality sucks. I literally just play videogames and jerk off all day when I'm not working. I work a shitty part-time job, although I'm trying to get my foot in the door of the IT world through certifications. I'm dumb as fuck though. Plus I have very poor frustration tolerance and self-control, so studying is hell for me. My life is empty and pointless, and I'm hanging on by a thread. I'm a loser through-and-through. I often go to sleep wishing that I don't wake up. I daydream about different ways to end my life, but I'm too much of a coward to carry anything out. I tried reaching out to set up an appointment with a therapist recently, and they didn't even respond. I've tried various medications in the past, some of them have worked but they all come with sometimes deal-breaking side-effects. I'm hopeless.

I think I ruined my life.

So i’m an alter in a D.I.D. System (26f) and it feels like ever since I entered the body all I have done is made the wrong choices for myself and everyone else I share a body with. I came into the body six years ago and in my first two months if existing I was in a forced to be in a toxic relationship with someone and didn’t know why we had to that. Eventually that relationship ended and I was given more control as the person mainly in that relationship was too hurt to be running everything. And so with only five months of experience I started making the majority of decisions for us, and then this led to me somehow making all decisions. And now that I have a one year old, and a fiancée who agreed with me that were not supposed to be romantic together this long but are due to our baby, I can’t help but realize I fucked my life and everyone else’s. I ruined a 2-3 year relationship another alter was in, this alter also happens to be an alter who ran everything since the body was 12. I haven’t worked in two years because I stay home with the baby, and have zero source of income of my own. I managed to become a twitch affiliate but now that’s just a joke. I have zero friends. And not a joke. Literally zero. All of our friends have either moved away or ghosted because they just wanted to. Had a friend who i thought was away at college and turned out he was actually 15 minutes from where i lived and didn’t tell me once until it was too late and never once did he ask to meet up or meet my baby. So that friendship ended, by his terms by the way. And so now I have no friends, a relationship that isn’t one, a baby who i love more than anything but makes me super depressed because now i have to worry about their life 10x more than my own and then know I’ll die and leave him one day…..so yeah. Feels like I ruined our lives because every major decision for the past 4 years have been done by me and they have only harmed us. In addition to having D.I.D. We also have bi-polar type 2 disorder, anti-social personality disorders, and an addiction to weed (know this could be argued but I suffer withdrawal symptoms when going without weed so?) so yeah. Also. Today i relapsed in self-harming, it’s been two years but i feel like im drowning all the time every day. I do the same thing everyday. Watch the baby, go to the park when my partner is back because i dont drive or have a license, go back home, play games or make music once everyone is asleep and do it again the next day. Nothing ever changes. I just feel like i never make the right choice for anyone ever and now with a child i fear i’ll never learn how to make the right choices….i don’t want to fuck him up like our parents did with us…..

I didn't get a job today...

I (28m) have a degree in a relevant field, they were asking for GCSE level qualifications (Usually gained at 16 in the UK). But I still didn't get it. I feel like such a failure. I've been applying for jobs all year, and this is my second interview. There must just be something about me that makes me unemployable, because I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I've struggled with depression for nearly a decade, and I'll be honest, I feel like just giving up right now, because it feels like life is just against me at this point. My fiancée says that I'll find something eventually, but everything I've ever done has been a fight, I failed out of a Chemistry Degree at 20, took me two years to get my mental health in a place where I could go back and do something different, but that was fight to pass at the end, and I'm stuck on a leave of absence for a master's in the same field I can't even get a basic job in. I just don't have the energy to keep fighting anymore.

I'm so in love with you.

It hurts how much I'm in love with you, it genuinely aches. I love the way your eyes crinkle when you smile at me, I love your dimples, I love your hair, I love your voice even though I make fun of it, I love your forearms (but I can't tell you that), I love the bump in the middle of your nose, I love how understanding and funny you are, I love how you're somehow able to diffuse a situation, I love how calm and collected you are and just how perfect I find you in every way. I'll never tell you any of this, though. Not because it'll boost your ego, but because you love her and not me. I wish you never started talking to me and I never got to know you at all, or I wish we met earlier; would anything have changed or would you have still ended up with her? I don't like thinking about that, but I do, I do think about that a lot. I love you so much and you'll never even know how much I appreciate you. Whenever you tell me I have no idea how much I mean to you-- I do know, and I know it'll never amount to the importance I have of you in my heart.

I don't know how to break up with my bf

This is happening now I've been trying to break up with my boyfriend, but I don't know how to do it. We had an argument yesterday that pushed me to the limit. Although we don't argue often, there are certain aspects that have been bothering me quite a bit. He was diagnosed with autism in his adulthood (24), and it really bothers me that he always uses it as a justification for everything, like it gives him a free pass. He often says things like, 'I'm brutally honest because I'm autistic.' It's also exhausting that he constantly needs reassurance that I love him and won't leave him. He keeps repeating that he understands if I can't bear to spend my whole life with someone like him. He has a somewhat narcissistic personality, and he takes pride in it. I care about him a lot and even love him, but I feel like I've reached my limit. Physically, I don't find him attractive at all, but it was his personality that attracted me. However, this constant need for affection as if he were a puppy and his constant demand for reassurance push me to my limit. We've been arguing all day, and he tells me that he won't ask for as much affection anymore but wants me to tell him that I love him. I told him I didn't know how to respond, and he said, 'I would do anything for you, I would never doubt for a second that I love you. But I can't handle you doubting that you love me. If you don't love me, give me a reason why.' I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to end this.

Just a thought…

Maybe if I push past the fact sex isn’t fun and it hurts I would get affection..

Poop battle?

I am currently at my college, and I had just eaten some Taco Bell, anyone who has tried Taco Bell knows that most often than not you usually have to go and take a big shit right after. There is this washroom at my college that almost no one knows about, it’s very quiet, small, and hidden, so I usually go here when I have to poop because I hate using public washrooms and hate when others hear me poop, this washroom is usually always empty, USUALLY. When I went in here about an hour ago it was empty, but 1 minute after I sat at one of the two stalls, this other guy also comes in and sits on the other stall next to me. So I figured I would just wait him out to finish so I can then let my MASSIVE SHIT come out, but then…5 mimbres went by, then 10 then 30 then 40, IT HAS BEEN AN HOUR SINCE THIS GUY GOT IN HERE, WHAT THE FUCK CAN HE BE DOING IN THERE? I DONT HEAR ANYTHING, so then it dawned on me, could this guy be doing the same thing I am?? Is he waiting for me to finish so he can let his massive shit out? Fuck him I was here first so it’s no longer about the shit, I don’t even have to shit anymore tbh, it’s about the principle, I will stay here until that asshole gets up and leaves, then I will take my shit. Anyways wish us luck.

i despise my dad.

i’m 17(f) and i really don’t like my dad. he’s been here all my life, but hasn’t been there when my family and i really needed him. as a child he never watched us, just dropped us off at my grandparents house and they were basically my parents as a kid. when i was young i was much bigger than the average kid. i grew to be 195 at just 15 years old. within a year i dropped down to 125 without trying. i was at my lowest. he would tell me i needed to workout as a kid and is now still judging me for my skin after losing weight. around the time of my weight loss i also found out he stripped away my half sister’s virginity when we were little. she’s my best friend and i cannot forgive him for what he’s done. i don’t see him the same ever since i found out what he’d do to her. he doesn’t cook us food, he doesn’t watch my 2 younger sisters, he’s always gone and he just comes home to sell some bud/eat/sleep then leaves again. what i’m happy about is that my 2 younger sisters don’t have to deal w the physical and verbal abuse me and my half sister experienced. my younger sisters have much more freedom and it makes me happy to see a small change. but that will never make me forget what he did to my older sister, i can’t believe i lived all those years without knowing. it really hurts. i feel like i could have done something. i can’t imagine the things he told her as well, the threatening if she told anyone. my heart hurts. he isn’t even her blood. she says she’s moved on, forgave and forgot. she has a child now, but i can’t forget nor forgive. his presence ruins my day. i don’t know if my feelings are wrong but i know they won’t change anytime soon. i remember he also got into a car accident years ago. the results looked like no one would have survived. he claims his dead friend was there to help him. how can someone so cruel deserve a guardian angel? when i found out the news i prayed for him. and now i wish i never did.

I feel like every time I do something for myself everything goes terribly wrong

I'm a people pleaser, if someone wants something doing I'll do it, if someone needs to compromise then I'll compromise whatever will make everyone happy..it's what I do, if me or my sister want different things I'll do what she wants, if my bf wanted sex and I dont I'll give in to make him happy, if work needs an extra job doing I'll get it done.. I know it's not healthy and it isn't I haven't done anything for myself in years but not for lack of trying.. everytime I make plans for myself it just goes terribly wrong Just in the past few years my relationship was draining, I wasn't alright mentally and me and my bf decided on a bit of a break, but he wanted to spend every night with me and still wanted sex but I put my foot down, I needed space.. and then not long after he broke up with me and took all of our friends with him.. I booked a holiday just for myself for April 2020, saved for years and it was just a long weekend.. don't need to say why I had to cancel those plans.. Even today, tomorrow I was going to a theme park, it's my day off but not even with 24 hours notice I have to go into work.. it's compulsory and I can't rearrange my plans I'm out over £100.. my fault for making plans I guess.. then not even an hour later my blood sugar was too low, I was having a panic attack so I leave 5 minutes early.. I run into my boss and now I'm on a PIP plan, a year and a half at that job with no complaints and I do one thing for the betterment of my mental health and I'm in that much trouble.. I just feel like I'm being punished every time I think of myself, even if I want to be a tiny bit selfish I get the book thrown at me and I don't know what to do anymore.. life sucks and then you die I guess

I Vehemently Dislike my Family’s Dog

Hi. So I’m a 16 year old guy who’s been living pet-free for the majority of my 16 years on this rock. We never had a dog or a cat or any other animal. That was until my mom decided to get a dog. She named the dog after our late grandpa. However, I dislike the thing. It annoys me, it constantly tries to bite me, I can’t fucking walk around the house without it chasing me; simply put, I don’t like the thing. I never really liked dogs or animals to begin with. The only animal I have a strong affinity for is turtles because why not. Listen, I get dogs are cute and all, and I’m glad my mom, and by proxy my sister, found something that makes her/them happy, but holy fucking shit I just don’t like the dog. The worst part is that I feel like I’m expected to like the thing when I’ve told my family my entire life I am not an animal or dog person. I don’t like the thing, I should not have to like the thing. Sorry if this was a word jumble but I’m just very irritated and angry right now

Hosting, Loneliness, and Feeling Used

TLDR**;** I've been hosting travelers via CouchSurfing, initially in Mexico and now in the Caucasus, mainly for companionship and to meet people from other places. However, recent experiences have left me feeling used and lonely as guests treat my home more like a free hotel, and less like a shared space. It's especially hard as I'm isolated here, without friends or family, and I'm struggling with loneliness. ​ I'm a 23-year-old from Mexico and used to reside in Cancún, a popular tourist area. At 20, I lived alone in a fairly large apartment with three extra beds, which led me to join CouchSurfing. I started hosting travelers, and initially, the experiences were genuinely enjoyable. Meeting new people, sharing meals, and exploring my city were highlights. During one of my European trips, I met a girl who would later become my girlfriend. We eventually relocated to a city in the Caucasus. Unfortunately, our relationship didn't work out. She returned home, but I chose to stay because I had signed a six-month lease and couldn't afford to move. I found myself utterly alone in a city where I didn't speak the language (and English was rare), with no friends around. Initially, it didn't seem too difficult. After all, I was used to traveling. However, temporary trips are different from being stuck somewhere for half a year. The isolation became overwhelming. I mean, I thought I could focus on working and make new friends, but it was much more difficult than what I expected. I was alone, so I turned back to CouchSurfing, hoping to meet people and have company. Some experiences were still great, with guests who became fast friends. I was even sad when they had to leave because I was enjoying a lot their company. **However, the last couples of people that I hosted made me feel so used. And I never felt like this before.** One woman, for instance, sent me a request and I accepted. When she came we barely interacted. She asked me where she would sleep so she could storage her stuff, and then she left to explore the city. The next day she would wake me up to ask me for the iron, and then she left the whole day and only came to sleep, she went directly to the room. The day after that she left when I woke up, came in the evening to use the bathroom to take a shower and then left again, one more time she didn't talk to me. And the last day I only noticed that she was gone because the room was open and her luggage wasn't there anymore. I've had similar experiences before when I lived with my best friend in Mexico (So I used to live alone but then he moved with me for some months). We'd just laugh it off, like: "- Fuuck, man, she used us as a free hotel \- Yeah, but that's life, haha." But this time it really affected me. I can't even explain why it made me feel so sad and used. I get it, people are not obligated to pay those who host them in any way. These travelers don't owe me anything, they don't owe me money, time together or whatever. They're free to do whatever they want and it was my own decision to let them sleep in my place. I'm completely aware of it. However, it hurt me now. I feel deeply lonely, I miss my friends and family so much. Thanks God I only have to stay in this city one month more. But I've been alone for quite a long time already. I never expected how difficult it would be to live like this. I try to avoid complaining about my problems, but recently I found myself crying over my situation. Just today, a group of friends who I'm currently hosting casually forgot to send me a message to join them at the beach, after promising they would. I was going to the gym and they said the would send me their location so I can join them after working out, but they didn't do it so I got back home. When I asked they told me they just forgot about it. This small incident, which would've been trivial in the past, hurt much more than I'd expected. It feels like I'm a stranger in my own home, providing these guests with my space, food, and facilities, while they seem indifferent to my presence. I've started to question why I put up with this. While many past guests were happy to share meals, hang out, and play board games, these recent experiences have left me feeling exploited and even more alone. To be fair, 90% of people who I hosted in the past were incredible and I had a great time sharing something with them. It's just that I had bad luck these last times and I really don't know how to deal with loneliness of being isolated in a strange city. ​

i can't help but feel guilty and sad.

a few days back, i was in a cab, extremely late and heading to work, it was raining heavily, and i saw this streetside vendor wave his hand and ask a car passing by for lift or some help of sorts but the man in that car just drove away without paying any attention and stopped in front of a traffic signal which was a few meters ahead. the vendor walked ahead and went upto the car and asked that person for a moment, grab his attention but this man just looked away and drove off. the poor vendor just walked away and it was evident that he was upset, he didn't even stop to ask anyone else for help. my cab was a few cars behind that man's car, i saw everything from afar and even though i wanted to get out and talk to that vendor i couldn't. now i feel too bad about the entire situation, how can people call themselves human if they refuse to even listen to someone in trouble, it broke my heart. am i being too much, should i have just let it go, not pay any heed to it? i don't know about that but it is hurting me a lot, and i even feel so mad and frustrated for not going upto him and helping him myself instead of just regretting.

My boyfriend left the room mid argument and now I am ashamed of myself

Last night, I (24F) had my first major argument with my boyfriend (23M) and the way he handled it is making me rethink how I communicate. We have been together for 10 months and rarely disagree on anything but last night we had our first major argument. I am not going to go into the details of the argument but it escalated to a shouting match and I said something really mean about him. I was ready for him to respond with something similar but instead, he said “(my name) I can’t talk to you right now. I’m going for a walk” and he left the room while I kept shouting at him. At first, I was LIVID that he left in the middle of an argument but in the 45 minutes he was gone I calmed down and realized how terrible I was talking to him. I was the one who started yelling, continued to escalate the argument, and started making personal attacks. I started crying and when he came back I gave him a hug and apologized for my behavior and we sat down for an hour until we talked things out in a calm manner. Today I have been reflecting on how I acted and I am disgusted with myself. I have always had a quick temper and last night was another instance of me losing my cool for no apparent reason. In every relationship I have been a part of I have been the one to pick fights and lose control of my anger and this time I hurt my boyfriend who is the sweetest person in the world. Instead of escalating the conversation, he removed himself from the area so we could calm down and resolve our differences in a more controlled way. He is amazing at communicating and I have been lacking in all aspects of communication in our relationship. I was ready to yell personal insults just to win a dumb argument and I find that disturbing. I’m baking cookies for him and writing a letter apologizing again for my behavior but I need to work on controlling my emotions. I need to learn how to recognize my anger issues because I could have said something stupid and ruined another relationship. I need to find anger management therapy because I do not want to be this person anymore.

I think if someone is accused of sexual assault we should wait until all the facts are out prior to actually penalising them and treating them as though they have committed the crime.

**Hey guys, hoping to have a civil discussion here.** I was having a chat with my sister and were discussing women and men, coming forward to publicly accuse someone of allegedly sexually assaulting them. I think the #metoo movement and it's subsequent open discussion initially was incredibly ground-breaking and affirming for victims as they finally had a voice that had been silenced and shut down for decades. My sister said that we should adopt the mantra of believing all victims if they publicly or privately make a claim against another person full stop. I argued back that whilst we must protect a potential victim as best we can, the accused cannot be treated as though they are guilty of the accusation and that will and has emboldened people to make false accusations to affect people's life and credibility. She said that the effects of sexual assault that the victim has to deal with, pale in comparison to the effects of a false accusation. I tried to reason that we should approach the situation with facts, logic and empathy (I know it's a bit airy fairy but it's what I feel), and said it was imperative that we do not vilify an accused person based on an unproven accusation. Unbeknownst to me, until I was informed by her, many cases of sexual assault, where the assaulter is guilty, can be deemed not guilty be courts. It was quite upsetting to learn about that on my end, as I really didn't know the scope of how unfair it is for genuine victims to not have their day in court. She said this is why she believes all victims because there is no way of ever truly knowing if the accused is actually guilty. Whilst I conveyed that I understood that, I still pressed that she was perhaps underestimating the effects of a false accusation on someone; a man in the UK took his own life when he was accused of sexual assault which the accuser later admitted was a fabrication. She said that in comparison to the amount of unresolved or unfairly solved sexual assault cases it's not the same. She also added that once accused, they should be penalised financially and socially. This discussion really exhausted me because on the one hand I can genuinely understand her anger. It's incredibly unfair for the countless amount of victims of sexual assault that do not get the justice they deserve. Sarah, my sister's best friend, accused her ex boyfriend of allegedly sexually assaulting her, which was a really big deal; she reported him to the police but later retracted her statement. She then went online and said she felt embarrased by all the attention of the accusation and what had happened to her and then retracted her retraction. It went to court but it didn't go in her favour and this is why we were discussing this topic to begin with. On the other hand, I still believe it's unfair to treat the accused as though they are already guilty. To be penalised in many aspects of life based upon a false accusation seems heavy handed and totally jumping the gun. For instance, lets say an actor is accused. I've witnessed many people treat them or make comments about them as though they have actually committed the crime. I quietly thought that perhaps we should wait until we instantly form a knee jerk opinion to a very emotionally charged topic. Really love to hear all your thoughts!

I want it all to end

I've been unhappy for some time. I feel like such a failure, I'm 25 and still live with my mum with no prospects for moving out in the next 5 years at least. I have no savings because every time I start to build a fund, something comes up that I have to pay for or I have to cover my mum because she's got nothing too. I'm not sure I want to live by myself. I feel such intense loneliness, I don't think I'd cope. At the same time, there are very few people in my life whom I'd feel comfortable living with. Pretty much just my family. My family and one friend who has recently left my life in a very painful way. I miss them so much and there's not a damn thing I can do to change anything. I'm just not good enough. I want to die but I'm afraid of making an attempt that goes wrong and ending up trapped as a result. I could end up disabled and that would make things even worse. Therapy doesn't help me because it doesn't change anything about my situation. It doesn't change how lonely I feel. It doesn't change that my future is a dead end. All therapy does is help you cope and I don't even want to cope anymore. I just want it to end. I feel trapped and I don't see a way out. No one is there to help me.

Anyone hear the new bud light ad on the radio?

I dont care about the stupid scandal and do not drink alcohol, but I find it funny that they pulled out the banjos. Kind of cliche american cherry picking

Every family has a person who breaks the chain of poverty. May you'll be that person

Here is one of my biggest learnings from this year: success is not limited to a chosen few. It is within reach for anyone willing to work hard and persevere. Being determined to overcome challenges does not mean you have to do it alone. Surround yourself with a supportive network of mentors, friends, and colleagues who believe in your potential. \- Embrace a growth mindset: Continuously seek opportunities for learning and improvement. \- Cultivate resilience: Embrace challenges as valuable learning experiences. \- Build a strong professional network: Your network is your net worth. \- Seek mentors: Surround yourself with mentors who have achieved what you aspire to accomplish. Believe in yourself, invest in your growth, and never stop striving for a better future. Together, we can rewrite the narrative and inspire others to do the same.

HELP (not super serious)

I need some advice from someone around the age of (23-30) I can slide with (19-22) I’m 21 and need advice and I don’t wanna write a paragraph and get no response ❤️ not a scammer ❤️

i’m uncomfortable around self-diagnosed autistics and i don’t know what to do or feel

i’m not sure this belongs here but i’ll post it anyways. for context, i am a teenager who got diagnosed with autism 2 years ago in early 2021. i went to the school counseller a lot because i struggled with horrible anxiety and work. she suggested to my family i get tested for autism. it was difficult, my test date kept getting pushed back, and it took ages to even find a place to get one. it was also really awkward because of covid: the woman testing me was like 2 ft away from me and there was another doctor on an ipad observing. i had to play with toys and do something with a picture book with no words, then have weird convos. i got empathy and sympathy mixed up, embarrising. test results came back maybe 2 weeks later and they had concorred i had autism. my reactions to the result were mixed, very mixed. on one hand, it explained a lot; my anxiety, social awkwardness, need for routine, struggle with work, and probably my aggression as a kid. on the other, i was shocked. my entire life, i had never even thought i was autistic. i thought i was just weird like every kid told me i was. plus, lockdown had made me spiral into depression, it just made me even angrier. i’m still struggling to accept myself today. recently, i’ve seen an influx in strange autism posts on social media like ’if you do these 5 (normal) things you might have autism’, or that trend where people took an online autism test and shared their scores on tiktok, or just the insane boom in self-diagnosed autistic people on the internet. i’ve already seen this happen once with DID in 2020 - 2021 (arguably, i still see tonnes of people like this today) and - for some reason - psychosis. you know, when people had the entire cast of an anime as alters in their head? anyways, a shit ton of misinformation is being spouted about autism from these big social media creators which causes people to suspect they have autism and then self diagnose themselves with it. i understand having suspicions about having something and getting a diagnosis is insanely hard - i had troubles getting one myself - but autism is INSANELY hard to diagnose if you’re not a professional. i did a deep dive in common autism symptoms and what they overlap with. i found that many of these quick googled symptoms overlap with those of ADHD and BPD, as well as just being fucking introverted. these 2 other disorders i’ve found also come up a lot with self-diagnosed people which i’ve come to call the unholy trio. also, if you have your suspicions, you are SUSPECTING! don’t call yourself autistic, barge into our spaces, and talk over us if you’re suspecting you are. plus, a lot of these self-diagnosed people romanticise and infantilise autism, making it seem less like a disability and more-so a personality trait. after seeing this rise in malingerers and self-diagnosed teenagers on tiktok i brought the topic up to my (awesome!) therapist. i told her about my research, about the tiktoks and those claiming to have autism and like 5 other disorders with it. she understood my anger and agreed that it isn’t wise to self-diagnose, but we both understand why people do it. she assured me i wasn’t wrong for being uncomfortable around these people. but the internet begs to differ. every now and then i come across someone on social media bringing up the same points i did about self-diagnosis and get absolutely hang drawn and quatered in the comments. “diagnosis is a privelage not everyoen can get it!” (i agree w this one btw it is difficult) “a professional diagnosis takes away yoru rights like you can’t adopt or drive etc” (this one has been debunked i think + it’s fear-mongering) “you’re being ableist! doctors can misdiagnose us with other things!” (i think you should listen to your doctor) etc. etc. it has definately put me off talking about it online, even in autistic safe spaces. some autistic themed subreddits and other safe spaces still have a lot of self-diagnosed autistics in them, so i can’t speak out there. i don’t know, something about self-diagnosed autistics makes me uncomfortable. i feel like i can‘t be as open with them, or how some speak for the autistic community over diagnosed autistics and those with higher needs, or how i’ve had bad experiences with like… every one i met, including one in real life. yet again, i understand that not everyone can get a diagnosis, but if you’re waiting for one or suspecting, don’t slap on the label of autism and waltz into safe spaces and take resources yknow? it’s just… i immediately feel strange when i see a 13 yr old’s bio with autism did adhd bpd in it. i hate seeing misinformation spread like wildfire about autism and people in the comments absorb it, support it, and use it as evidence for their self-diagnosis. i hate seeing these teenagers woobify autism because ‘loud noises scary im non verbal on the internet (TYPE?!?!?!) i must use emojis to communicate stimming is so cute i’m a picky eater i’m just a smol autistic bean’. in conclusion, i’m conflicted with myself about this. part of me thinks im justified to think this, but most of me thinks that i’m being ableist somehow, or it’s internalised ableism or that i need to stop judging. i literally can’t talk about this anywhere other than with my therapist, my sibling, and now you, reddit. i just really needed to get this off my chest. let’s hope i don’t get executed for posting this!

I hate my boyfriends family

Well things were getting a little better, my boyfriends niece was out of the house from what she did and it seemed as if my boyfriend’s mental health was improving. But of course his family had to bring his piece of shit niece back into the house and literally the day as soon as she came back his family calls him useless and tells him to kill himself. I don’t even know why they said this or what the situation was but now my boyfriend is broken. I just can’t believe that they could do that to him, I’m supposed to be going out with him and his family Saturday but I don’t know if I can contain my anger around them. I knew they were complete assholes but they crossed the line. What am I even supposed to say to them? Am I supposed to act like they did absolutely nothing? Like they didn’t just go tell my boyfriend, their own brother, to kill himself? I want to do something but at the same time I feel like it isn’t my place to tear a new fucking hole into his family. I’m doing my best to comfort him but I’m terrified thinking that he’ll listen to his family’s words.

I did it for me. After 15 long years.

I know this might sound like a brag, but this has been on my chest for quite a bit, so letting it out here. As a teenager (early 2000s), my country went crazy with the advent of iPhones (I'm not from the US, so the craze was even more there!). Everyone was buying an iPhone, and I saw my rich friends' parents gift them iPhones for their birthdays. While I secretly craved one, I never really let this out. Being from a middle-class family, I just realized it was wrong to ask my parents for one. Instead, I promised myself that one day I will buy one with my own hard-earned money so that it feels well-deserved. As I grew up, my craze for iPhones quickly faded out as I found myself quite attached to affordable Android phones. However, the desire to own a flagship phone someday was never really dead (call me greedy or obsessed, but I'm human!) Fast forward to my master's degree, I started doing a side job so that I can save up enough money to buy a flagship phone. Over the course of \~3ish years, I actually managed to save a decent bit. However, I ended up draining all my savings for a family emergency. It was sad to see all that money go, but I motivated myself to start all over again. At this point, I got a grad school (Ph.D.) offer from a US university. Excited about going to the iPhone land, I promised myself to keep aside a little part of my little stipend to fulfill my 12- year old materialistic dream. But as they say -"Man plans, God laughs". COVID hit hard. The only other earning member of my family lost his job at this point, and soon enough, my Ph.D. stipend was the only money keeping everything afloat. I was going paycheck-to-paycheck and living on the edge. I would often skip meals, and survive on just bread to save up grocery money. At this point, I did not even remember I craved a material of luxury even a few months back. Just once in a blue moon, I would think to myself, "I'm close to 30, and I still could not keep my promise to my teenage self." In the last year or so, after everything normalized, I again went back to saving a bit every month, but I was terrified of spending it all on an expensive phone (Given I have seen how emergencies can crop out of nowhere, I wanted to make sure I have enough savings beyond just what I need). So I waited and waited, till I found a point of safety. I wanted to wait some more, hoping the delayed gratification would crawl in. However, today, as I browsed Amazon, and found a great prime deal on my phone of dreams, I took a long breath and almost 30 mins staring at the page before placing the order. I did it for me (you can read this in Walter White's voice if you'd like), after 15 long years. It is a stupid story, but it feels great, man. I really feel alive (sorry, just a massive Breaking Bad fan here!)

I just wanted a dad

My dad has been there my entire life, but not really. It felt like he was always there but not really there at the same time. He's always working, always doing anything but spend time with us. When I make dinner and call him to come downstairs to eat together as a family he screams at me that I'm preventing him from working, even if he's been at it for 10+ hours. Ever since the pandemic started, he started working from home, even now, he's always home but not really. I don't remember the last time he hugged me, I don't remember the last time he told he loved me, I don't remember the last time he asked me how I was doing, or asked me how my day was, I don't remember the last time we ate together as a family. I don't remember the last time he behaved like he was my dad. He's always home, he's always there but not really. I just want my dad back, the one who acted like one anyway. Nowadays my dad is a racist, homophobic, transphobic workaholic, and I barely recognise him. I told him, if he wants to maintain what's left of our relationship, he needs to change but he's far gone. I know he won't change, he never changed, he had 25 years to change. Being a parent doesn't end at fertilization, it never ends. You're stuck with a child until death. But he doesn't care, he's there, but not really.

Anger issues and self loathing

I'm in a situation where I feel guilty for not showing up the way my friend needs but also angry for trying my best and my best not being enough. My anger got triggered and I struggle with managing it. I get thoughts of self harm, very abusive self talk like "why don't I get r*ped, why not ruin my future and career, I'm such a wh**e" when I don't punch something fast enough, my anger is explosive. I bit my phone literally, then in another second I insult myself can't stop from saying it out loud, then I'm on the floor putting my nails in my skin, I couldn't control myself. I tried tapping techniques to explore this issue but I don't get past the feeling of Self-hate and feeling hurt. I don't know how to get to the root of my emotion, why my anger comes out like this, how to manage it better. Thank you for any insight or advice ..

My fathers emotional abuse towards me has caused me to feel chronically incompetent and useless

TW: Suicide Ideation For the past 5-7 years I (18M) have, in blunt terms, felt incredibly incompetent at even the most basic responsibilities, ranging from basic housework to real-life responsibilities. And, after doing some emotional reflecting, I have come to the conclusion that 80-90% of it has come from the emotional abuse that my dad has inflicted upon me since I was 9 years old. To give some background, I am on the higher end of the autism spectrum. So, while I was able to take care of myself pretty well compared to most other people on the spectrum, I still struggle heavily with emotional control and social interactions. Because of that, there were times when I was a kid where I had breakdowns due to the stress from these issues. My mom (who is one of the only people in my life who actually cares about me, and separated from my dad) was patient with me and knew how to deal with those outbursts. My dad, though, did not. During those moments, he would scream right back at me and would call me incredibly demeaning names. During on of these moments, when I was 9, he got so mad at me that he picked me up and **slammed** me into my bed so hard that the wind got knocked out of me. It only got worse when he married my (now former) step-mom, who was also abusive towards me. When I was about 12 years old (when my mental heath started to go to shit), after an argument with my dad, he proceeded to go into detail about how I was “ungrateful”, “disrespectful”, and a “bad kid”. That was a breaking point for me. I went to my bedroom and proceeded to try to strangle myself with a lamp cord. I scared myself out of it a little before I would have passed out, but not before my dad saw me. He proceeded to call me selfish and left me behind to wallow in my feelings. In the next 2 years, whenever I would get on my dads or step-moms bad side, they would give me the silent treatment and exclude me from the family. When my dad and step mom divorced I was happy but it didn’t get much better. There were still many times when he called me useless and and told me, to my face, that he didn’t care that I was hurting from other bad shit that was hurting me in life. What also pisses me off is that he never acted like this to my younger brother, who wasn’t autistic. He actually has a high opinion of him, compared to me. However, he was physically abusive to my other younger brother, who was severely autist, but that’s a story for another day. All of this emotional battering has left me feeling useless and incompetent, and I kind of fulfilled this self-fulfilling prophecy. I now realize that I have practically wasted my middle and high school years wallowing in these negative emotions. Of course, it’s partially my fault, too, for not pushing myself properly through these times. Now there isn’t a week where I don’t think of killing myself and ending it all. I can’t even walk by a river without thinking of jumping in and drowning.

What the hell is wrong with men?

I was making out with a guy (first time we see eachother, have been texting for almost a month), and all of a sudden he grabbed my neck. I knew he was aggressive and I didnt mind because I was sort of into it. I was not fucking expecting him to squeeze my traquea and then FUCKING SLAP ME. I didnt wait for an explanation just blocked him on everything. What the actual fuck just happened? It’s Trachea* but that’s how it’s spelt in Spanish, lol. Update: Holy shit I was not expecting this to get as much traction as it did. I was just venting about a dude. I’ll clarify some things that may have gotten lost in translation. Some of you said to slap him back but he’s a much bigger dude and as soon as it happened I wanted to get to a safe environment. I was really close to my house so I was in a good place to run away. I did not meet him too far away. It was not the first time I saw him. I met him at church and had seen him around. Also background checked him with his church friends who belong in my group. He was not a rando. He was the first person I went out on a date with after 2 years. I also did clarify to him I am not into any of rough shit. He asked and I said I’m not into any tough play. So he did disrespect a boundary and essentially assaulted me. As I said before, the first thing in my mind was to escape. And here in my country this things go unpunished and I’m most likely going to be shamed like some of the commenters here did, just in a bigger scale bc we’re still in a misogynistic society. I love how many of you understood I was assaulted but decided to blame me because I said the word men. Grow up dude, not everything is about you. Thank you all for being concerned with my safety. I am safe and away from him and I will do everything in my power to keep it that way. I did block him on everything but here in my country we don’t usually use iMessage since most of us don’t have an iPhone. So he messages me there apologizing. I am not ready to talk to him, I am still really angry, but I also think I might never do so. And for clarification, he’s in his late 20s so the porn comments are likely to be on point. ETA: I’m heading to the drs for my annual check up, so I’ll see there about my throat. Although I do not feel any obstructions.

Just missing my grandma more

As of today, it's been 11 years since she passed. I'm 22 now. My folks said I got cheated out of grandparents and... Yeah, I guess I kinda did. There were so many conversations to still have. Life events to still see (my middle brother's HS graduation, my HS graduation, my college graduation, oldest brother becoming a dad), so many activities to still ... Do. I take comfort knowing that she'd probably be supportive of my coming out in her obituary (advocate for children, animals, social justice), and I just wish I could have one last talk. I don't know why it's suddenly hitting harder or worse now... I really don't.

My mum is an alcoholic and she drove drunk

Hello… So... my story is so long, I want to make it short. My mom has been an alcoholic since I was a little kid. Sometimes it's worse and sometimes it's not so bad.. but today. Lmao. I can't even write it.. ok, she took a company car and went to the cake shop with grandma to get a cake (grandma is old and it is hard for her to walk). But.. omg I can't. She chose to drive the car even though she had 2 glasses of champagne (that's what she told me). I know, I just asked her, "Do you think it's a good idea to drive after drinking champagne a while ago?" She told me "I'm fine.." And that's all. I let her go... It's hard for me to explain, but she's been drunk so many times that I really don't like her when she's drunk and I don't want to talk to her. So she and grandma left. It was fine, I called her and she answered me, I texted her where she was and she answered me too. But it was after the store closed. So I was like "where are you?" I didn't want to call her because I really can't. I was afraid she would answer me in her nasty drunken voice... so I thought.. they will come drunk, what's worse, she won't drive... I was convinced she wasn't that stupid. Lmao… So I didn't call her. Then after 4-5 hours I heard her and her friend at home, but no grandma.. hmm.. My mom was totally wasted so I asked her friend what happened and she said "she wanted to take your grandma home" , so she wanted to driv her home wtf... and she just (yeah... it could have been worse) scratched the company car and one more car as well. She wasn't driving like in the city, she was in a parking lot and trying to back out... So the police etc.. mum drunk.. you can tell what happend. And where is my grandmother? She was in the hospital.. she hurt herself but she's fine.. totally drunk too. But I took care of her, wipped her bottom and showered her and now she's in her bed. I'm so scared of tomorrow morning... I really am. And the worst part is... I blame myself for letting my mom go... I feel like it's my fault. But I'm too tired to deal with her alcoholic shit. She's sick... a lot has happened because of her and the alcohol. I don't even remember anymore.. this is happening really since i was little kiddo. It's so hard to deal with it that many times… So... idk, is it my fault? So why... idk. I should have told her "stay home"... After she get home..She totally yelled at me because I was like "I can't take it anymore".. she blamed me for living here and not helping with anything etc. she was mean. I need to move out, I have no money and no job, but I can't stay here… Sorry if this is complicated. I needed to tell someone because I don't have friends and I don't want to tell my new boyfriend (we've known each other since December and we've been together since May.. but he doesn't understand.. and I'm so ashamed.. I have to keep quiet about it). I wish I had a normal working and not drinking mum.. my bf has normal mum and I am so envy. But thanks if you read all the way to the end And have a nice day. I'm going to try to sleep.

Should I stop seeing my dad?

I'm 15M and go to a boarding school, its pretty chill and I feel my happiest there. This is because my dad at home makes me feel uncomfortable and I'm honestly scared of him. His presence makes you feel like he's in control, idk how but that's how me and my brother (27) feel. He yells alot and to anyone, his own sons, his sister, my cousins on my mother's side, it's crazy to me. He is honestly a horrible person morally. He cheated on my mom for many years, is extremely controlling over me and my brother and has joined a religion only to grow his connection (he has admitted this). My parents are split and have some confusing custody rules of me (I'm just a teen and idk shit about law). I know that my mom has control over me and that my dad has to pay for my education up until I finish college. I have a choice to basically cut him out of my life and not see him again while he legally still pays for what I need and I could stay with my mom or in the boarding school. It seems like a situation where everything works out for me. But inside I'm terrified of making him mad, I've always grown up this way and am a yes man to him. It's hard to let go and since I'm still so young idk if its the right choice to stop seeing him. I wanna ask for your opinions and thoughts about what I should do.

I beat the shit out of my 2 fake friends because they were talking trash on me.

To put it briefly, I recently found out that two people I considered my best friends have been speaking negatively about me behind my back. It was particularly hurtful when, on one occasion, I visited one of their houses with my brother and they continued to make derogatory remarks throughout the walk, such as "didn't ask" and "this is why you have no friends." Upon arrival, I had reached my limit with their toxic behavior. To make matters worse, one of them persistently insulted someone I care about. The next thing I remember is being upstairs while my brother sought refuge in a bedroom and my other friend joined him. Meanwhile, the person who had been disrespecting my girlfriend (the same guy hiding in the bathroom) resumed his offensive comments. That's when I completely lost control. Without permission, I rushed into the master bedroom to find the bathroom key. After unlocking the door, I grabbed the guy by the back of his neck and executed a foot sweep, causing him to collide with the sharp edge of the bathroom counter. I then put more pressure on him for a few seconds before forcefully pushing him onto the floor. By then, the other two friends heard the commotion and witnessed me delivering blows to his solar plexus. As I tossed his phone violently, he became so shaken that he hobbled to another washroom and began crying. Despite this, I still felt unsatisfied, so I impulsively thrust my brother into a decorative bar in the washroom, breaking it. Eventually, my violent actions ceased when I awaited outside the second bathroom door and one of the friends emerged with a BB gun. In the end, I believe I taught those individuals a lesson they won't forget. I dont regret a single bit and I still want to beat the shit out of them even more when I have the chance :))

My abuser seems to have changed but I still can’t bring myself to believe it or forgive him

Two years ago, I was in an extremely emotionally abusive relationship. My ex put me down constantly to the extent I was constantly bullied, he made comments about my body that caused me to have an eating disorder (I still can’t look at the scale), threw things at me, hit things near me, and destroyed my property. For a year, he would semi-stalk me (showing up to bars/events I would be at and SITTING NEXT TO MY FRIENDS TO STARE AT ME), and wouldn’t leave me alone even though I told him he was scaring me and making me feel unsafe. He would also talk shit about me on a podcast and retweet/like a lot of misogynistic things about how “all men secretly hate their girlfriends” and fucked up shit like that. Now, he’s on twitter all the time talking about feminism and making statements about violence against women, when I know what he did to me. It seems like a lot of our old mutual friends took his side, think I’m crazy for requesting no-contact, and don’t believe that he was abusive toward me. I have new friends who are supportive and understand, but I’m still so mad. I don’t buy that he’s changed or that he actually supports women, but all of this happened over two years ago now. I know I need to let go, but I am mad and angry and I feel like he doesn’t deserve a redemption arc. I just hate him so much and I wish I had it in me to let go and forgive, but I don’t. I wish he’d move away and never bother me again & would shut up about issues he helped perpetuate.

Everything feels…wrong.

Since I was little, I’ve always felt like I was put to the side. As if, I wasn’t to be bothered with. I wasn’t supposed to be born, I know for a fact. I overheard my sibling and mother talking, about how I was made out of spite. She wanted to hurt someone with my birth. Even when I’m surrounded but many, I just imagine what it would have been like if I wasn’t born or just killed myself. I tried 13 years ago, too much of a coward to actually do it. I just want to disappear. I feel like I’m not enough to help myself get out of my own head. Sometimes I don’t have enough emotions, other days it’s too much. I’ve been told by my family that if I don’t learn how to control myself, no one’s going to love me. I WANT to get better. I DONT want to be a burden. I want to start my OWN life, thrive and succeed. I feel like I’ve been setback so far, is it possible for me to catch up?

I wanna admit myself to a metal ward

Just as a heads up, if you didn't see the title, this post contains harsh content. So it's been a rough year, I moved a year ago for my mental health and my health only got worse and I've lost so much money, this week was really hard on me, Back in May I had an infection that needed treatment, while I was at urgent care my boyfriend's 2013 dodge darts transmission failed on us in the parking lot, we called a tow service that charged us $400 for towing the car (keep in mind, this car costed my boyfriend 6k, keep that price in mind) we paid another $400 to get it fixed and only two days later it broke down again, I ended paying $250 to get my car fixed (battery issue) so he didnt have to ride his bike to work (i live in butt fuck no where in Michigan so lots of trains and didnt want him to get hurt) we paid $250 for another tow and thank fuck the repair shop didn't charge my boyfriend anything, literally a week or so later check engine light turns on, took it a dealership and 3 fucking days later after getting and paying another fucking $400 check engine light, it's July at this point, he's been using my car and last week when we were filling it up, he drove over a 5 inch curb and smashed the bottom of my 2007 Honda accord, it was fine? It squeaked once after wards (so far) and I ended up screaming at him because I have $300 to my name. Literally Sunday last weekend (July 9th) we found out it was squeaking and I broke down and told him he's paying for it when I can take it in. Last night he got pissy because our car issues and our cat was being a cat and bumped into him while he was painting, that was my breaking point and starting looking up mental hospitals because I physically can't take it, I wanna stab something I told him we need to go to therapy again when we get money or I'm going to a mental hospital because I can't do this shit, I wanna fucking die and/or implode.

I think that one of my closest friends is fake.

We've been friends for more than a year by now. February 2022. We met in a sport, we became friends soon after I joined the team. It was great, we always hung out in practice and gossiped about literally everything. Fast forward to May 2022. My best friend joins the team too since she moved back to this town and had played the sport before. Then comes summer, and training resumes in august. We'll be competing this season too. The first half of season went by alright - we were still very close, forming a trio (and no, none of us third wheeled up until that) and even a group chat. We had a girl on our team which we wanted gone, which was the thing that united us (quite frankly it unites the entire team but that's off the point). Season was coming to the end (February) when I started noticing big red flags. She straight up ghosted us for days and talked to us only at practices. Season ended, and we drifted even further apart. She straight up ignored us, and still sometimes does. It's not even that she's a bad friend all the time, it's just these times, especially now that her sister is on the team, that she just ditches us. Constantly. Like even when we try to approach her, she straight up leaves. Maybe says a word here and there but yea. We go to the same school, and she tries to ignore me there too. Also, in half of the pictures she's side eyeing us though that could be irrelevant since she does that to everyone. I genuenly thought we had something, but looks like not. Like she still makes plans with us (though they rarely go through) - the real wake up call was a couple of days ago, though, when she lowkey pretended that I didn't exist - I had gone to a popular lake and she was there. Like not even answering to my questions type of stuff. Yea it hurts, we had a good chemistry in our sport too, but yea, thought I'd share something that I've been dreading to tell.

I cant deal with my anxiety anymore

I have made a post on here before about how I am not really afraid to die anymore because of my depression, and although I am still very suicidal, I am starting to fear the concept a lot more. My anxiety has been worse than ever in the past few months. At this point I have gotten physically sick because of it. I have a constant pit in my stomach. My anxiety is currently medical anxiety but it can varie. I run when I think I see somebody from my school in public, and cover my face whenever I pass someone because I am scared they will judge me, or try to talk to me. I keep worrying about death and how to only way to leave this planet is by dying. What scares me the most is if I catch a disease and have no choice but to die, it freaks me out. I have never felt so low. If anybody in a similar situation and is under 18 then please text me so I can't feel less alone. I would also really appreciate people of all ages to comment, thank you.

My parents have been getting wrong number calls for 30 years and my Dad has been too stubborn to do anything.

Since I was about 6 or 7 years old I can remember answering calls from a variety of seniors who accidentally dialed our home, but intended to call a seniors bus service.. …the prefix is only 1 digit different than ours,so, it’s actually perfectly understandable, and both the most common landline prefixes in the area. These calls have happened practically weekly for 30 years, often the same person would misdial our number 3 times consecutively.. …and countless rambling incoherent messages left on the answering machine. One time, as a 13 year old boy I answered the landline in the kitchen: Babby shangula: “Hello?” “Is this the HandyDart?!” “No, you have the wrong number…” the old man shot back angrily, “No! You have the wrong number!!!” I started to try and say, “you called us.” but he had slammed his phone to hang up. Fast forward to today, I’m 38 and moved out many moons ago, and I let my parents age gracefully but still make a point to visit a few times a week and also lend a hand when I can… … I offered to mow the lawn so I made my way over, I smoked a doob on the patio, came in… and ring ring ring.. Handy dart client yet again. She was actually very apologetic and sweet about it, to her credit. After I hung up, I chuckled… I was totally shocked and amazed this is STILL happening. I don’t want to slag Dad, but being a stubborn bonehead has always been his thing. His reason for not changing it? he was worried friends and family won’t find him again. The real reason? Good question. *BLOOD SHOOTS OUT OF EYES*

My (20M) roommate (18M) constantly makes us late.

My roommate and I have been living together for 5 months now in a 2 bedroom apartment. I’m the one who can drive between the two of us and I own a car. Everything between us is fine, except for the fact that my roommate is never ready to leave on time in the morning and it drives me insane. We work at the same coffee place (same shift to make carpooling easier) and ideally I’d like to get to work around 15 minutes early so I have enough time to get set up for the day. I’m really specific about the time we leave (8:42am) and I’ve told my roommate over and over again we need to be walking out of the door at 8:42am. Most mornings I’m sitting in the car at 8:40am waiting on my roommate while he’s still struggling to grab his breakfast and shoes to throw on in the car. Most mornings he strolls to the car at 8:44, 8:45 or later. I have the morning broken down to a science, I know exactly how long it takes to get there, how much time I need to buffer traffic and to turn at lights, etc. 8:42am is the sweet spot where I can beat the traffic and most lights are green getting onto the highway. It really makes me anxious when we’re not leaving on time and I’m having to sometimes drive unsafely to even get us to work on time, and sometimes I end up clocking in a minute or two late. About a week ago I told my roommate I’d like to leave earlier to get us to work at least 5 minutes early (since we’re both starting a new shift) to which he was very upset because “he doesn’t need that much time to clock in and get ready”. I deemed our new leave time at 7:50am after testing the drive on my day off. I told my roommate the week before when we need to be leaving by. For the past week my roommate is still making us late, with the excuse of “is a few minutes really going to make a difference?” I’ve tried explaining to him that it DOES make a difference and that I’m really upset when we don’t leave on time. He just rolled his eyes and said “whatever”. I don’t mind if we’re late every once and a while (it’s normal, I’m never going to be on time for every single day) but it really bothers me that we’re consistently late and my roommate feels that he should have a say in when we leave.

Is it normals to have an ick for men?

This is the POV from a straight woman like likes men. I know men also have problems with women definitely, but this is my experience. First boyfriend (15): LOVED this man with all my heart and I adored him. Perfect relationship for a while then red flags we’re getting horrendous. He beat his mom up and put her in a hospital. Put his hands on me once. Would make r*pe jokes. Even told me he has an ego problem. Holey walls. He cheated on me and I left. (3 year relationship) Second guy: he was 22 and I was 18 and it lated maybe two weeks? He helped me with my break up and eventually he just wanted to kiss me and grab my bottom. Was very love bomby at first but then would ghost me for 17 hours at a time. Third guy: he was 24 and I was 18. We were friends for a while but I knew he wanted more. I left because he wasn’t a good friend. He asked to hang out once and he didn’t even show up. Would ghost me sometimes. He would respond fast when the conversation got sexual (no pictures) but just when sex got brought up. The age difference weirded me out too. Fourth guy: called me an 8.5/10 which is fine. But then he proceeded to show me other girls who he thought were “prettier.” Called me a white girl in disguise (I’m mixed and my skin is brown.) When he met my mom he said I didn’t expect her to have good English because her skin was dark, I left. He become stalkerish Fifth guy: we didn’t date. We were in each others lives for 6 months and I really liked him. He liked my body more than he liked me. And I miss him. Definitely broke my heart but he’s still a sweet guy. Sixth guy: sweet guy. But his beliefs were not good in my opinion. He was very anti LGBT and thought abortions are just as bad as r*pe. We parted ways based our beliefs. Seventh guy: I’m talking to him now. We click well. He’s 24 and I’m 19. Is this bad? He has like 1,000 facebook friends and it’s like 90% females which is scary, he’s also on a cheer team. The first thing he asked me though is if I wanted to be FWB and I said no. We’ve been talking for two days. Also he kissed my worst enemy (before we met) he was 24 and she was 18 but apparently he didn’t ask for her age after the date and he said he felt bad. Am I leaving guys too soon based on their actions?

I'm incredibly grateful to my friends

Pretty much what the title says, I'm a gay guy and my friends are all straight, we've all been friends since we were 14, and we're all almost 20 now, I came out when I was 16, and they just, accepted it, they've never treated me any differently, they never saw me as a freak, or a weirdo, NOTHING changed, instead of becoming "the gay friend" I just became "the friend who's gay", I was absolutely terrified of coming out to them, but I'm glad I did, I love them so much, and I'm so incredibly lucky to have friends like them.

I’m fucked up

I’m fucked up. So much. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t have it in me. I’m becoming hateful, jealous of other peoples nice lives, intolerant and impatient. In a rush to please everyone around me and seek attention and love I’m putting myself into financial ruin. I’m not able to sleep at night. No one to talk to, nobody to hug to, no one to open up to. I’m suffocated and choked. I can’t take it anymore. I wish I wasn’t born and my mom aborted me. I wish I was m academically smarter, good with grades, good with making money, good at making friends and socialising. I was an ugly average kid and I’ll die a ugly average loser, who no one will remember and care for once I’m passed on. Venting this out doesn’t make me feel even a little better. I wish someone gave me some attention, love and appreciation just for my existence and for not what I can do for them. I’m just going to take my sleeping pills now and send a soft prayer to god that the sun never rises for me again. :)

Felt up a sex worker

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I am just one of those people who have really weird fetishes. I am hooked on porn that is about fucking sex. Workers and street walkers. I don’t know why I am so into it but I have always fascinated about picking up a street walker and hooking up with them. Well today, I finally got my chance. I was driving through a very rough part of town that is well known for having street walkers walking around. I drove past one that was laying on the floor, she was pretty attractive. It looked like she hadn’t been out there for very long. She had huge tits and a big butt and looks very pretty, just had a just going through a rough rough time. So I drove by her a few times call Gerardo until she got up and walked over to my car. I roll down my window and I told her I only had $12 cash to give her. She was hesitant but agreed to give me a blow job for $12, claiming that she could really use the money for somebody in the hospital. So I picked her up and drove off while I was there with her, we did a cop check. We’re basically I put my hand under her shirt and she put her hand on my crotch. I could tell she was really uncomfortable throughout the whole time, and I didn’t like what I was doing. I continue to feel on her big tits until something in my head told me that what I am doing is not right. So I gave her the $12 turn around and drop her off right where I found her telling her that I feel bad and I do not want to be doing that. The whole time I never let go of her tits. Now I am driving back home, and I feel pretty disgusted with myself. I guess I have a conscience for not wanting to do that to a poor woman, but I could not stop my head from wanting to grab her tits the whole time. I apologize for any spelling mistakes. I am doing this with my voice while I am driving home.

When I was a teenager, I tried to sleep with a close relative

I am 38 now. I have since addressed the sexual repression that made me see safety in fondling her. I came out as as an erotic cross dresser. I have a handsome lover I adore. I am content with who I am. I am still haunted by the times I tried to kiss her and catch her naked. I think about how I begged her to touch me. Luckily, she never told my mom. The guilt was enough. When I think back I feel sick with myself. How could I try that with my own family?

My family’s reaction to my fat loss is strange to me

Since middle school I have been overweight and very insecure about it. I’m now in my thirties and after years or trial and error, I finally feel like I’ve got this thing by the balls. I’ve done a lot of mental rearranging and healed a broken relationship with food. I’ve eliminated my binge eating problem and learned how to cook and eat healthy. The results are showing in a big, big way, to the point where I’m checking myself out in the mirror a little after showers. I should be proud and indeed I am. So is my husband. My mother and my brother, on the other hand…I don’t know exactly what to make of it but it hurts my fucking feelings, that’s for damn sure. At first it was just silence on the subject and it drove me a little nuts. I thought to myself more than once, “Hey, what gives? Don’t you see this really impressive thing I’ve done?” I wondered if maybe I was delusional and my progress wasn’t what I was making it out to be. But the empirical evidence is there and I know I’m not crazy. Furthermore, my husband was noticing the changes and was as confused as I was. I’m an adult and I believe in the power of plain and open conversation so I came out and asked one day why they hadn’t said anything, thinking maybe they were afraid of offending me somehow. Instead, they tell me that they see me every day so it’s not impactful, they simply don’t notice the changes, and anyway it doesn’t matter to them what size I am. It left me feeling hurt on a few different levels. I felt ignored, in a way. Like as long as I cook and clean and maintain a pleasant attitude they don’t see me, as if I’m more of a maid or even a piece of furniture than a sister or a daughter. It’s especially shitty because I truly do feel that I express real care and concern for them, that I love them and I show it every day, and it’s not returned. Of course it also feels silly and childish to be stuck on it. After all, I’m doing this for my own health and no one else’s and it’s not real love and care if you do it with the expectation of reward. All the same, there is a child inside of me who’s pouting over it and my adult self remains confused and still wondering if I really am crazy.

I crave physical touch so badly

I just want someone to love and hold, I never have before and I’m sick of it. There’s nobody in my life that I can date at the moment, and idk if there will be anybody in the future. I wake up sometimes holding a pillow, one time I was even playing with my own hair, I can’t take it anymore.

Potential Trauma From An Ex

Hi Reddit. This is the first time I've made a post like this. But I've been out of this relationship for about seven years but he's been out of my life for two and I still think about it to this day. All of this happened when we were in our teens and this was my first relationship. I don't know how to talk about it so I thought I could just list some off. • Months after we got together, he said that he was going to kill himself if I turned him down. • He lied about having a cancer scare (years later he told me it was a lie) • He made out with my sister because I didn't want to have sex with him (when I confronted my sister about it, she said that it wouldn't have happened at all if I wasn't such a prude) • He flashed my breasts (non-consensually) in front of a friend. • He would repeat the same jokes over again, even if they were offensive to my friends and family members (jokes about scars, racist jokes ableist jokes) • He would start drama with my friends and make me choose sides. • He made me drop one of my best friends over him. • He went to a school counsellor and fed them my issues and came back to me with advice when I found out that he that and was mad he called me ungrateful and an attention seeker Post-breakup • When we broke up (I was still vulnerable), he said that if I slept with him he'd take me back (and I fell for it many times) • He'd manipulate and convince my friend to invite him to their house because he knew I was there and then asked my parents to take him to the house. • Being playful in the bedroom (consensual) we would play around with roleplay and BDSM of course we had safewords and signals to stop and a three-tap and sound pattern for when I was gagged, when I was uncomfortable with what we were doing, he kept going. • I've had to lie many times as to why I couldn't meet to have sex with him (periods, and grounded) • He would nag me to have sex and I'd give in to shut him up. And those are only a few. I think about it all the time, I can still feel him grabbing me, I can still hear him and see him. My friends and family told me they had bad vibes about him and I know I should've listened to them but of course, young love, it felt real. I am now in a sexual relationship with someone and she treats me with so much respect, I've not been in any other relationships, so when we first got intimate, I had a huge freak out because I could only think of my ex-boyfriend, but she stopped immediately, let me cry and let me talk about my feelings. I don't know why I'm posting this exactly. I think I just needed no biased opinions on the subject.

I don't know if I should break up with my girlfriend

I want to make it clear that I'm not asking for advice, but of course I'm open should you want to give it. So I asked this girl out a few months ago, pretty close to when we both would be leaving college for the summer. She has things she does in the summer to where she is busy pretty much all day, every day (I know what she's doing, I'm just not sharing). I told her long distance wouldn't be a problem, but to just call me whenever and I would make the time to talk (her usual free time is around when I'm closing for work, which I can easily step away from for a few minutes). She is the one that is way more busy, so I'm not the one who calls, which I know is weird, but I've communicated that I will do everything I can to make anything work for her schedule. The thing is, she hasn't said anything in weeks. I only get a snapchat once every couple days to keep a streak (we are both 19 so we still have snap). I get she has a super busy schedule, but no one is THAT busy, right? It was my birthday the last time she actually called, which was almost a month ago. I can't tell her anything that's going on in my life, because she won't respond for 2 days and I forget what I even told her I'm just starting to feel like I should be by myself again. Not in a bad way, just that I'm anxious enough as it is, and I don't know if I can give part of myself to someone else, at least for now. I feel like it would be really awkward if I broke things off because 1) we barely even started anything, and 2) we have many, many mutuals.

Don't jump in front of cars

I've needed to get this off my chest for a long ass time. One night I was driving down a 45mph road on my way home from work, going down a small hill (two lane, one way each lane). I saw a guy walking on my side of the road where there's a little walkway. There had been no cars before me, no cars behind me, completely empty... This absolute motherf---ker look behind him, directly at my car that was now just behind him (headlights on, I could see him and he clearly saw me) and launched himself into the road in front of me to cross... I was already on the breaks because of not wanting to hit 50mph because of the hill I was on, but if I hadn't been he would have ruined his life and mine. Because you KNOW he would have blamed me and my family and job would have been taken from me. His life may as well have been taken from him as well... Why did he do that? Honestly I wanted to shout at him that if he ever did that again, I hope the person has a dash cam and doesn't stop, but I didn't because I was having a massive panic attack and trying to rationalize what just happened... ETA- There had been some cars long before I reached the hill that were doing about 60-70 passing me and I don't know if they kept straight or ended up turning... Imagine what would have happened!!

I told my best friend's ex that he was cheating

This may happen over 15 years ago (I was 18. Now 33m) and he still doesnt know. Nothing happened to end our friendship but we drifted apart doing our own thing. But still keep in touch once in a while I honestly dont know why this keeps coming up to my mind so I thought I type it here. 18-year-old me didnt process the kind of scumbag he was at the time dating girls and cheating on most, if not, all of them. I never had a girlfriend myself at the time so I wasnt sure if I was jealous but I just knew it was wrong that I see him look all fake, buttering these girls up and then talking about how he just had sex with a different girl that same afternoon. He even asked me, "if I go f--- this girl, is it weird?" like he's even questioning his type and experimenting with it himself. It was disgusting. I didnt rat him out on any of them until I met this one girl I actually liked as a person and they were together 2 years in. Lets call her Kerri (19f). She was actually engaging and willing to talk to anyone in the friend group and thought she's just a really nice individual. But it was sad to say that I was certain he cheated on her many times but I didnt see or hear it myself. Just a wild assumption from judgement. I never had a crush on her or anything but I couldnt help but see that her nice bright smile, hurt from emotional trauma she might experience from my friend. So the day came that he basically told me he slept with another girl so I reached Kerri on social media. Couldnt help but talk to her a little about random things and she told me that my idiot friend asked to move in with her because she has her own place (at 19 too... like what!?). She even bought him a bass guitar and other things because he was too lazy to get a job so I just had to tell her before she gets into deep shit. Of course she was speechless and didnt want to believe me but couldnt help she does because she was pretty suspicious for a while. I told her everything I know and she said back that it makes sense as she puts it together in her timeline. After that conversation, a week later, I heard my friend's things were left outside her house and of course he got pissed. He was slowly moving in but was gladly put to a stop. They finally broke up and Kerri sent me a thanks. I didnt see her after that but still hung out with that friend. He never brought up that situation but I knew this whole time and he still doesnt know. Nowadays, Kerri is happy with her husband and 7 yo boy and my friend has been attending church and has been dating the same girl I saw on social media for the past 4 years. ​

I just woke up and realized I was groomed by a grown woman when I was 13

I’m 18(f) now and I just woke up from a weird dream where I was 13 again. I telling myself I was in danger and that I was in fact being groomed. I know that wasn’t the full dream but that’s the dream in one sentence. I just woke up a few minutes ago and thought “oh that was weird.” Then I just sat here thinking yea I was groomed and I’ve never told anyone I didn’t even realize it until a few minutes ago. B was around 40 and groomed me from ages 12-14. My mom and I weren’t getting along to well so I would confide in her instead of my mom. She would tell me her stories about her sex life and secrets she didn’t want anyone else to know. She would have these expectations where I had to “bring something to the table”. So I would tell her secrets of other grown adults. They would tell the secrets around me and I would go tell her. It was weird but it happened and I don’t know what to think about it. She made me sell her dr*gs one time while she got her nails done. She was very open about her adult life and everything she had done. She didn’t just groom me she had also groomed my best friend at the time and attempted to turn us against each other. She would make us fight for her attention and validation. She would call us her daughters when in reality her own two daughters she didn’t have custody over. It won’t be shocking to tell you that she would manipulate me into believing that my mom was a horrible person. While we didn’t get along to well at times B didn’t make it any better. We would have “sleepovers” where she would ask about our lives and share secrets. More than not she would ask about other adults and we would tell obviously because we trusted her. I personally experienced things with her alone that make me want to scream. I realized she had manipulated me into thinking that what was happening was normal. That all grown women want to be friends with little girls and share “secrets”. I vividly remember the hot and cold games she would play where one day she would love me and act like I was amazing. Then the next she wouldn’t say a word to me give me dirty looks and roll her eyes at me. I always thought that was just normal for the most part and just blocked it out because it was over. I didn’t have to see her again so I didn’t need to think about her or her sick actions. I was treated like her little minion and someone she could use to get things. I am disgusted by her and I hope her life is miserable. From what I know she is/was married to an addict who is in and out of jail and she is essentially couch hopping. Last time I saw her she rolled her eyes at me and called me some names and I just laughed in her face. That was in October of 2022 so hopefully she’s doing worse. I regret nothing I have said about her from this point and never will. I was a child who just wanted to be validated and I didn’t ask to be put in the center of her game.

My girlfriend (22f) left me (26m) yesterday.. and now I have questions

tl; I want her back and need help We got into a big fight yesterday and had some tough times together in the past, (really amazing ones too), but My girlfriend yesterday got all her stuff and moved out, she told me she just needed time and space but we are broken up and she said she is not going to move on, she kept her location on & she never changed our relationship status on Facebook and still texts me and then just last night after she left she wrote me a poem that read "flame we burned bright from the moment we locked eyes like a wildfire that refuses to be put out our flame never weakened only grew stronger until it was uncontrollable and we were only burning each other" Also, Before the break up happened we talked about building a puzzle" and last night after that poem and her leaving, I told her I was still getting a puzzle and she replied "maybe one day we'll get to build a puzzle together" then said "a Harry Potter one" & this morning she said "I miss you all" implying me and the dogs but then said "it's just not healthy for me there right now" so now l ask you all.. do you all think she will come back? If so what should I do during this time to win her back?

I feel like I lost

I apologize in advance for any mistakes in this post, I'm not a native speaker and I'm still learning. I (20f) have iron deficiency. I started donating blood approximately one and a half year ago. That's how I discovered it. It runs in my family and we already suspected it though. It explained the origin of some problems that are direct consequences of this deficiency. I took medication for months. My doctor also prescribed me a contraceptive pill to try to reduce my period flow. The less I lose blood, the less I'll lose iron right ? Then, last September, my iron levels were good. She let me get off my iron treatment and I thought it was over. I was wrong. In April it was worse than before. At the minimum you're supposed to have 26 ng/mL in your blood. I had 8.8 ng/mL. It's probably the lowest I've ever seen in my results. I may lose too much iron during my periods and can't seem to compensate for the loss. Now I'm back with the same treatment. I live well with low iron, because I seem used to it. And yet I'll probably be taking this medication for many years to come. It's not that much of a problem, my life isn't in danger, I'll get my numbers up (in like 3 to 5 months hopefully). But it feels bitter, I thought I'll be okay and won't need anymore medication. I thought I got rid of the problem. And yet my body isn't as strong as I thought. Moreover, my mother apologised a lot after my deficiency was discovered (and this time again). On her side of the family, almost every woman has this iron deficiency. But I don't think she should apologise. It makes me feel sad, she couldn't have done better. She didn't choose to give me this problem. I hope she'll understand one day that it's not her fault. On the contrary, I was glad someone around me knew what it feels like. She explained how it was for her, and I know she'll be there every step of the way. And yet, sadly, I feel like I lost to this iron deficiency because it came back stronger than ever.

Why is it so bad to take drugs occasionally

I’m clean cut, blessed and highly successful but forbid I take opiates few times a week and drink few beers a week. Now everybody just thinks I’m bad news and avoids me haha and don’t even start with dating scene they instantly be like “ I have had trauma with that stuff “ like you don’t even know what trauma is try being a vet who gets his arm chopped off now that would be tramua, not “ my dad use to drink or smoke and would always verbally abuse me by telling me I need to get over my issues “🌝 Ppl be stupid nowadays but what can you do? Where the fellow druggies let’s hang and nod out while we play golf or something

He’s sending mixed signals, and it’s stressing me out.

I have no clue if this guy (20m) is genuinely interested in me (22f) or not. He’s been kind of flirty with me, but if I flirt back he changes the conversation. I don’t know if he’s just jokingly flirting, if he’s just a flirty guy and doesn’t actually mean anything by it, and/or if he does this with his other friends… or if he’s genuinely interested in me. I don’t even really have any guy friends that I could show conversations to, in order to get another opinion. I’m kind of sad about it. I like him, but I feel like I’m being toyed with. I just want to be special.

I have depression, anxiety and i think ADHD too plus breakup

I feel pretty alone tonight. I don’t have anybody to speak about this, actually i have but I don’t want my friends to think that i still think about my ex. For the past 2 years i have been depressed and even if i feel better now I don’t feel actually happy. I stopped enjoying life. I just feel numb. The only thing that i feel is anxiety, a lot of it. I tried to go out, to go to the gym, to eat more healthier. I was to my doctor but she said i don’t have depression, I’m just stressed because work and i need to take it easier. I feel good sometimes when i am with my friends but not all the time. When i am alone i just want to cry but I can’t. I even started to think that it’s better to kill myself. I miss my ex, she did a lot of bad things to me, but at least i had someone to speak and cuddle at night. I am tired and i just want happiness. :(

i am not a goddamn wife.

i NEVER want to be a wife, i was always repulsed by the thought of marriage, i am always scared that after a particular age everyone will be after me to get married while it may seem as if im too young to think about all this, being 19 and worrying about being someone's wife is not the first thing i want to do. but for god's sake, i never want to be a wife. i never want to wait at home and cook food and make tea while my husband fucks off to works and watches porn in washroom and then ive to birth kids before i am 32 cause otherwise they will be unhealthy and fucked. i hate that i am a girl, i hate it. my family is supportive and my parents want me to be independent but i constantly feel like my independce comes as their terms too, they are okay if i colour my hair do this do that so i have nothing much to rebel against, they dont want me to get married unless i want to but for god's sake people change all the goddamn time i am just awfully scared at one point my parents will be like ok bro get married now. i want to be established enough that i fuck off from here and NEVER COME i want to live on my own, and i do that right now and i am goddamn lonely. life would suck, but god to be known as 'someone's wife' like i dont have an identity of my own? having to make decisions according to my husbands; convience? having to put my life my things my hobbies on the back burner for someone else? this is my goddamn life, i love love. i love being in love, i am giving it my all, i am in love with my boyfriend and in love with everything that comes with it. but would he treat me as a normal human being and not just someone with a vagina who is weak and meant to birth kids and just live according to whatever he wants? i have been in this relationship for 9 months and i deeply love him, but i am so scared of people just changing their mind, you have no control over someone else, one day my boyfriend can just up and go and i love him so much i try my best to be a goddamn wife, understanding and supportive but thats sheerly out of love but i wonder if he thinks im weak or a baby or a GIRL WHO CANT HANDLE HER OWN GODDAMN FINANCES. i hate being a girl. i hate it, but i also love wearing bangles and getting mehendi and i love myself and i love being in love but i hate being treated as someone's wife or someone's girlfriend. i am my own goddamn person and i am just so scared that if i actually end up marrying him, he will switch up and I WILL HAVE TO BE A WIFE. and i wont be me anymore. he is an amazing guy, but you never freaking know anything in this goddamn generation. even my cousins are like oh you will get married by 24, I WILL NOT. i would rather die, leave everything, leave every relationship, never talk to any family again, but i will not grow up to be someone's wife. period.

I don't care anymore, I need to say it to someone.

Sorry for the long post i'll delete if it goes against the rules here, and tw for mentions of SA I guess? I think. It was fucked up, I know. This is kind of a throw away account, but what all has happened to me in the past few years, I just need to have someone see it. Or read it. Some place to vomit up all the fucked up thoughts and feelings and not have to worry about what I should consider water over the bridge. In 8th grade, sometime near the end of the school year, I was walking out of the building, ready to go home. A boy my age grabbed me in the middle of the crowd, spun me around, and tried to kiss me. I tripped and ran away but he remained in my mind the rest of the day- because I was mad he made me trip. And I didn't tell anyone then because I never got a good look at his face, (Since it was still relatively soon after returning to school from the pandemic, we were both wearing masks) I didn't know his name, and I didn't share any classes with him. It was a large school. But then a second time, another day, maybe a week later or so lunch has just started, and I'm headed back to class after using the bathroom when the bell rings so i'm hurrying, not paying attention to my surroundings, just trying to go against the crowd headed downstairs and get my things left in the class room. He comes down the stairs again, seems to spot me. (It's still the middle of 'rush hour' EVERYONE is trying to get down the stairs or up the stairs to either have lunch or go visit another classroom, and in the noise it's hard for others to hear you.) I don't spot him fast enough, because when I come up and he comes down he tries to grab me by the arm. And I remember him. And I panic. And I go back down the stairs, nearly tripping on some people. He comes too, and we get back down to the second floor where I was and there's this little corner where the staircase has a sort of sheltered overhang and apparently no security camera or adults because he grabs me by the arm and pulls me to this place, and I'm not thinking straight, not shouting or asking his name to get identity, just frozen. He pushes me into the wall and grabs at the sleeves of my shirt- and he speaks in Spanish the whole time, I don't understand and am too panicky to translate what he says but I know he understands every 'no' from me and every tear and every whimper and body signal to leave me alone. And It's not like he's trying *really* hard to get my shirt off he's definately not using as much brute force as he's capable of to like rip it off or just take it off quickly, but he's definitely not letting me go until for some reason he does and he gets his hands off my stomach and goes in the opposite direction. And I didn't say anything to him but no and stop and he doesn't say anything to me that I can or want to understand. He did give me this smug, condescending smile, right before he leaves. And I go about my day until the end of the day at English when I break down and my teacher sends me to the counselor, and in that large room their's a male teacher who asks me what happens and I try to explain as best I can with a lackluster description of the kid and what he did. But I guess 'kid who was wearing a... gray I think hoodie?? today he pushed me down the stairs and tried to take my shirt off and then left isn't good enough because he says: "It's a student not a teacher, that's good." I wanted to cry because yeah, it wasn't a teacher, it was a student who I didn't fucking know the name of, or his true appearance in anything other than hazy flashes because he only slipped his mask down to kiss me and that was how I would get away. And I don't remember what exactly I said to the counselor but she called my parents and we decided to devise a plan where I would wave my hand if he approached so it would be easier noticed on school security cameras. But the thing is, I never remember the two other times he approaches me and outright goes after me, once later in the hallway during the time in between periods when he says my name in english. I never told him my name and I was terrified and frozen when he pushed past (and he never seemed to do it near any of the school's cameras.)- and once outside, just as I was leaving on one of the last days of school, on the side of the building \*just\* far away enough from the main entrance and exit, when he runs after me and tries to kiss me again, saying he knew where I lived in English to me after I ran away and then saying nothing else. But I think the worst part is I don't know what to do. It was inappropriate, but how. Does it count if he never touches any genitalia in a sexual context, just your stomach and chest and trying to kiss you but not making contact? What if he for some reason never goes through with it, but gives up and leaves? Why did he do it in the first place. The only time he said anything to me that was more than a few words was in a language I struggle with, and by now I probably can't even remember what exactly the words were or what they sounded like. And I never learned his name like the counsler suggested I ask him. I never talked to him outside of pleading or threatening to get him to back off. I know a few general characteristics about him (tall, wears baggier clothing, has a gray hoodie he wears a lot, at least every time I encountered him.) but nothing incriminating because it was such a big school and their were so many kids who looked like him and wore similar clothes and a mask and I never memorized the details, I genuinely did not know this guy aside from the fact that he was in my grade, he had to be, and that he had classes a lot around the second floor. Maybe. I don't know, I still don't fucking know, and I feel like shit that I never got him in trouble, I never stopped him for myself or anyone else. Because my mind went to anything but what was told I should do. And it was pretty long periods, other than the first two happening close together. The second, third and fourth incident all took place at least a 2 weeks or something in between each other. And their was the fact that certain adults seemed to see it as less of a horrible thing when I told them it was a kid my age, touching me inappropriately. They still took it seriously, the school, they searched through the camera footage and offered to move a staff member to follow me discreetly to my classes to make sure I was safe which I refused. Because I already felt guilty and ashamed. I don't know why he did it. Did he just enjoy the act of seeing myself scared and angry itself? was it some trend? Was he just sick in the head? I just need to say all this because If I don't I will go insane, but it's been more than a year now. And Maybe this sounds unrealistic, he sounds like a goddamn mastermind or some shit for somehow not getting caught or noticed in a crowd of people multiple times. And It feels like some sort of fucked up plot armor, why he didn't go as far as I know he could. I'm glad he didn't. But I wish I never met him in the first place. I wish I said anything that wasn't just crying for him to stop. I wish I was smart or resourceful or some shit. I wish I didn't feel the need to tell fucking internet strangers this just to get the weight of my back. I wish that wasn't the only inappropriate interaction a student had with me, their were others unrelated but never this bad. I hope it doesn't happen again. I wish I didn't want to write a fucking novel on this to get some attempt at closure. I'm going to vomit.

I have a terrible weird kink and it’s so weird I don’t know anyone else with this kink

I have a kink for literal letters. Haha yes funny I know but I really do mean it. I really love letters- I love them so much. Specifically the word “Luca”. The word “Luca” gets me so horny and it really gets me going. I don’t even know or like anyone named Luca I just get horny to the name in itself. I write fanfictions with the name Luca and I always name atleast one of the characters Luca and then I fap to it. It makes my pp shoot out so much semen. I literally want to fuck the letters. I mean it- I want them up my asshole and my pp inside of them. I tell all my friends about it and they think I’m crazy lol. Do you guys think I’m crazy?

I wish my sister would stay gone

This is a throw away, because I can’t have this traced back to my actual life. My sister left today, she lied about visiting family and was going to hop on a plane to live with someone that molested her and tried to kill me. I’ve kept this for more than seventeen years, my sister molested me, I was little but I remember it, she bit my ass and made me do the same and she put her fingers in me. I don’t count her as my family and I was so relieved when we figured out she was running away. My mom was heartbroken, of course, she had no idea and all her other children left the same way (we never really had a stable father and struggled with money for a while, so my mom became the scapegoat I guess). I love my mom, I want the best for her but I wish she’d just let my sister go. I hate myself and can’t really look myself in the mirror because of what my sister did. And it’s not even that one thing, she treats me like less then trash every day then act like a victim when I snap. She kicked my cat, the only cat that bonded with me after my first, my Cinder, was shot twice by someone as sick in the head as her. I wish she would stay gone, I wish she would leave and never look back at this family or this house. I don’t want to keep living like this with her, I don’t want to be pushed back to self harm until it escalates and I do something horrible to myself. I just wish my mom would let her run back to the one who molested her as a baby, let her see that they wouldn’t treat her with her filth half as good as mamma does. I want her to regret her decision only when we’ve moved on with our lives and are happy without her. I don’t think I’m strong enough to keep living with her.

Has a Partner ever thought you cheated? so they cheated on you?

It happened to my father.

my coworker is really creepy and i don’t know what to do

I (18F) started working at a new job a couple months ago and one of my coworkers really creeps me out. The first time I met him, he was okay, just a little weird. He kept talking about how he hates racist people and sexism but he talked about it for over an hour and it just seemed more like he was trying to convince himself that he’s not racist or sexist than me. Also I am a POC so it’s also like he’s preaching to the choir. One of my friends noted that it seemed like he was trying to impress me. It should be noted that other POC coworkers have talked to me about how he makes them uncomfortable as well because he stares at them too much and makes weird comments. The big thing recently that made me extremely uncomfortable is that one of my coworkers told me that when they were working together last week, the weird coworker started talking to him about my butt, how big it is, how he likes to stare at it, and wishes I would give him a chance to take me on a date (which I definitely won’t after his weird comments about my body). A list of other things that make me uncomfortable or are just plain weird: - he slowly inches towards me when he wants to talk to me - I can see him staring at me from the corner of my eye from across the room - he’s one of those guys where if you reject him, he would be like “but i’m such a nice guy it’s probably because of my looks” when it’s 100% because of his creepiness - honestly his presence just makes uncomfortable now because I could already feel him staring at me but now that it’s confirmed just being around him is so off putting I’ve already asked the assistant store manager if I could possibly have fewer hours with him prior to knowing he talked about my body inappropriately, but I am definitely going to see that it went through now. Does anyone have any advice on what to do if he comes onto me? I really want to reject him but how do I make sure he won’t go crazy or stalk me or even k*ll me? He told me that one of our other stores across the country, one of the employees k*lled another because he had a crush on her and now I’m scared that he’ll do that to me.

Elder Mom in hospital

I built my mom a little apartment behind my home where she has lived independently for 5 years. Her health is not good. She has COPD, AFib and, is on Oxygen 24/7. She had a bad fall and has been in the hospital for 11 days. Her Blood Pressure dropped she fainted & hit her head on the concrete. Now she has positional vertigo. I am not a good nurse maid and can see myself losing patience quickly. She has no money to speak of to pay for assisted living or in-home care. Eventually the hospital will put her in a (Medical paid) rehab facility over an hour away to her get her up and around again. (Or discharged to home.) I made my bed and now I have to lie in it. I can't complain on Facebook because she's always posting. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. At least she's FINALLY showing some appreciation to me for all I've done for her.

Widowed at 29

I lost my wife 1 month after she turned 30, ever since then life has lost its purpose. Its been almost 2 years since she passed and every day I fight the urge to join her. I dont want to be here and I have no more goals or dreams to keep me going. I just wanted to be a husband and it was taken from me. No there is no possibility of finding another spouse because It goes against what I vowed and promised my late wife. I have been going to therapy since she passed away but no matter what I do I dont have the will to live anymore. I just drift through my days surviving because I cant bring myself to end it all, ive tried multiple times but I always have this overwhelming fear hit me before I can finish the job. I just want out.

I am done

It is so horrifying. I write this as I am crying up. I (14f) just rechecked my bmi and its 29.9. I had thought it was 26.5 all this time because of an incorrect application. It is so frustrating. I consume no more than 1200 calories or more at times but never has it exceeded 1700. That has been my diet since I turned twelve. Zero workout though. I really want to lift but my mom wouldn't allow me to. I have severe atopic dermatitis, and even if I dont look like im 29.9 bmi, it triggers my eczema well. I envy everyone with smooth skin, who is my size or bigger. My family has always told me I am fat but also never allowed me to leasen my proportions. It is bad enough for me to have been forced to taking a diet which I have been following for only 3 days now. And it hurts me so much, even though what I eat barely effects me(I didn't eat much more than what the nutrition told me too, she just added fibre which I am fine with), but the fact that I just became a teenager and have to do all these things my peers, fatter peers do not have to. I despise them so much. I never asked for this, I never asked for eczema or obesity with eating less proportions. I have been on and off with losing calories. I go on walks now and then. I walk for an hour but since I got a diet it feels like I am getting tortured. I do want to lose weight, if that changes the male gaze but it is so hard. Also to mention, all my slim friends never work out or have (I have known them from long). They eat immensely and go out every once a week. Most of all they do not have skin with ugly and digusting bumps and pain. I am so jealous of all of them and i hate myself with all my heart to not be motivated enough to lose weight.

I had with my intimacy dog.

For some background my dog Zoey and me 13M had intimacy now this was 14 years ago. When I was 13 I was going through puberty and I got those feelings that I just couldn't help. So One day I got the wild idea to have intimacy with my dog. Sometimes at night, I brought my dog into my room and I went for it stright and pounded her. I am NOT proud of this. I have never told my parents or anyone for that matter. Afterward my dog became startlted after this for atleast a month or two my parents did not know why and I refused to tell them and they questioned me heavilly. Thanks for taking the time to read my story I just needed to get this off my chest.

I can't stop thinking about her

I thought not seeing her anymore would change that but it hasn't. I haven't thought about her in weeks actually, but she just popped in my head and now I'm obsessed again just like before. She doesn't even like me like that. At this point I just want to r'ape her

I have feelings for my friend husband, that cheated with me.

Throwing away Since some time now I start to had sex with my friend hudsband. It's started everything really for the pleasure of a good sex and stupid as I am I start to get attached to him and have feelings. He doesn't seem to feel the same and I think it start to wanna close this relationship. I really doesn't wanna and I feel used. I know I did some bad stuff I don't wanna find excuse or anything like that, I know I'm one one the bad one here. Only I wanna to vent out and maybe suggest what to do.

I just need a reason

Hello im just searching for a good reason to live. So lately the last 3 months i was and still am realy depressed i want to end myself. I lost my faith in humans long ago same for passion because of constant bullying the last thin i had was believing in love i was in a relationship with my first in the las 2.5y its been 3 months since the break up we broke up because she stopped loving me because of her illness borderline disorder. I after the break up cant feel any other emotions beside sadness i loved hugs but i dont remember when somebody hugged me first yesterday i hugged my mother again to try something but hugging her i felt nothing it felt like i was just hugging an object my mother isnt bad and i know she realy loves me but its me that cant feel anything. I am alone i have no friends and all my live it was me who texted first or made first contact my once friends never text me unless i text and even than i have to wait sometimes a couple of days for an answer even if i know they dont do nothing right now. The only person that made first contact was my ex but she too left me. everybody is just leaving me and nobody cares about me i tried to go on a little festival which is difficult as i have social anxiety and im a introvert but i was disgusted by people they were all around my age late teens like 16-20 but all they did was drink vape smoke and just use bad language for no reason girls were even worse they talked to me about how they want to suck on this guy or things like that to me a person they didnt even knew the name and i just look back and this and think that there is no hope for me finding a friend that will stay by my side not even to mention a gf. Thanks for reading if you have any advice or a good reason to live pls write in the comments.

I hate my house

I’m 16, I can’t move out but I hate it here. All my mother does is criticize me, it’s like my accomplishments mean nothing to her. I show the slightest bit of attitude and she goes off on me. She’s like this with none of my other siblings. She had admitted I get the most of her shit but I don’t know why. I have an attitude sometimes, but all she does is yell at me. I hate it so much. I feel so trapped in this house. I can’t wait to leave. I wish someone would just care about how I feel, and not call me dramatic, or sensitive. I love my mom but I don’t love the way she acts towards me.

Was I r*ped?

I'm sorry if this isn't the subreddit for this. I keep going back on myself and haven't been able to talk to more than two people in my life about this. I only started thinking about it deeply when I told my friend my experience and started crying randomly. I didn't know why. She looked scared and said I was raped. That scared me even more and I don't know why. Now I keep revisiting the moment and keep questioning everything. In my head, I remember verbally consenting to certain things. Foreplay and everything else was fine. The only thing I said wasn't okay was I remember saying no to penetrative sex. Everything else was fair game but we didn't have protection and I didn't want to risk it. They said okay and a few minutes later into it I felt them penetrate and I felt confused. I feel stupid because I didn't fight back. I just kinda zoned out for a moment and got lost in thought and thought maybe I led them on or did something to make them think it was okay. After, I was terrified of pregnancy and they didn't seem very concerned. I remember later that evening I kind of sent a vague text trying to say I was a little surprised because sex ended up happening and they kind of just said they enjoyed it and had fun and seemed to be happy or positive? Or chill? I'm not sure how to describe it. I didn't think about it again until I brought it up to my friend and suddenly felt uneasy and cried and that's when she labeled it and now it's been months since that convo and I feel so awful. Part of me feels like it's my fault and I should have done more. The other part feel sad because when I brought it up to the person later on more seriously they told me that they don't remember but they probably forgot in the heat of the moment and that they'd never have done that willingly. They didn't seem mean about it but it's throwing me off. The entire thing makes me feel like I'm in a cycle of something I can't break out of. I'm really sorry for this being long. I don't know who to go to. I can't even say the word out loud. I feel ashamed.

Two of my dogs have been locked up in a cage, should I bring them home?

This is a pretty hard decision so if you can, state your opinion on this matter. I apologize for the title, I don't know how else to put it. A brief context (M15), my dog got pregnant last year and had 5 pups, one of them died due to parvo, gave one of them away, so we were left with 3 pups. We raised them until they were too big, One of the pups was left at my grandparents alongside with the father dog and I had not seen them since Febuary. They are always locked up in a cage because my grandparents doesn't want to clean them up (pees and poos). I want to take them home with me, but I am scared that the two male sibling would fight, It already happened back then and they drew blood. The father dog would be alright I guess If i brought him back but he might hurt his own children. Please help me make a decision, I have until saturday to make a decision. I don't like them in this living condition because they are never let out of the cage, but bringing them back is gonna be hard because of numbers of things that might go wrong.

I'm scared to come back to highschool because of the disabled kid that keeps bothering me

I'll be going into 11th grade in September but last September I met someone that has scared me into wanting to finish highschool as soon as possible. At the start of the year last year I had a drama class with this guy who I'll call C, who is from the special education classes. At first it was just a 'Hi' and 'Hello' every morning, and we would say goodbye to each other when he had to leave. We never saw each other at lunch until January when I had to move where I sat because of a friendship that I had to leave. With my new seating arrangement at lunch, he started waving to me and going up to me to quickly say 'Hi', complement me, and then leave. He would always complement my hair, it's short, brown, I've gotten my fist share of bad haircuts but he always seemed to like them. My first problem was when he started touching my stuff. It was in our class in the morning, and I had just come back inside because we were playing an Improv game. C was sitting in my seat with my bag between his legs. He was squishing my bag. It obviously bothered me but when I got to my chair he went back to his seat. I wanted to tell the teacher but she was a pretty shitty teacher who was obviously going to side with him because of his disability. The next thing that he would do that bothered me was tell me that he loved me. Now sure people would see it in a friendly way but he wouldn't tell anyone else that he loved them, he would only call them friends. One time when I was getting lunch from the Caf with my friend, one of C's friends came up to me to ask me if I was C's girlfriend because C told them that I was his girlfriend. It bothered me a lot but I haven't brought it up ever since. Sure to some it might be sweet but he's at least 2 years older than me. I know some people don't see 2 years as a lot and that's fine with me if you're the one in the relationship but for me, 2 years is a lot. I think the last thing about him that bothers me a lot is the ways he tried to get my attention. There have been many instances where be fakes having a coughing fit, or he drops his lunch bag and makes a mess everywhere. There was even one instance where he purposefully ran his head into a pillar, but there are two instances that bother me the most. When I didn't have a drama class with him anymore, we didn't have any classes together anymore. So instead of only saying hi to me at lunch, he would look for me in the halls during our passing time to get from class to class. It would usually only happen during passing time from period 1 to period 2 and sometimes from period 4 to period 5, but this one time when I was on my way to my period 2 class he saw me and ran into me. Now when you hear this at first you may think he wasn't looking but no, cause I saw him looking around for me, I saw him stand in front of the gym doors while he waited for me to pass by. The second instance that bothered me the most was at lunch. Because he bothered me so much I decided to start tying to ignore him, sometimes it would work, other time s it wouldn't and i'd have to pay attention to him dropping his food or his fake choking. This time when I didn't pay attention to him, he decided to take my bag, lay on it, at fake sleeping. My friends noticed but I didn't want to turn around and look at him. It was almost time for the bell to ring and I needed my bag back, one thing that bothered me about this other than the fact that he was touching my stuff was the fact that my laptop was in there, it's a school laptop and if it broke I would have to pay for it. The reason why I knew he was fake sleeping was because when my friends saw what was happening, they saw that his eyes were wide open the entire time. The dude bothers me and I just hope he forgets about me by the time school starts up again, because even though he was in grade 12 last year, I didn't see him at graduation when my sister graduated.

I [28NB] think my dad [59M] has had an affair and I haven't told anyone for 10+ years

When I was about 15 I once went snooping on my dad's phone and I found a message he sent to a female colleague that seemed like something was going on between them — not hard proof but definitely not a normal/appropriate message. I was so disturbed by what I found that I went completely into denial and basically repressed the memory until my late 20s, when I recently got reminded of the existence of the woman in question and it all came flooding back. Now I don't know what to do and it feels like I'm living in a nightmare. In terms of my current context, I'm an only child, I moved out a few years ago and I currently live with my partner. I'm still close with my parents and live nearby. My parents seem to be happily married with no issues between them. My mom recently retired and my dad still works at the same place with the same colleague (who is also married and has children). Both of my parents seem to be genuinely happy. I'm now at a point in my life where I can't repress this anymore thanks to my Anxiety fixating on it, and it's taken me literally weeks to come to accept the full implications of what's happened and the situation I'm now in. I feel like my mom deserves to know but I also feel like by confessing this I would be destroying both of my parents' lives and happiness, and that if I was going to say something it should have been when I first found the message. Do I do it anyway or make peace with this and move on? tl;dr: I found out 10+ years ago that my dad appeared to be having an affair and now I don't know what to do EDIT: for extra context, the text message involved my dad calling his colleague sexy and talking about "enjoying getting close earlier" or something similar

Since my grandfather died, i have the feeling of a hand on my back. I'm maybe haunted.

I have the feeling like someone is tipping or holding his hand against my back. Sometimes i also feel it moving. We have an appartment with 2 levels, it only happen upstair. This wasn't the first time that i had something like a paranormal event. Months ago, i was really sure and i still am that i saw someone standing next to me in the mirror. At first i was like, yea that's just my reflection, short after that my heart skipped a beat when i saw that the reflection wore different clothes. Now, since a few days i can feel something on my back and it's moving sometimes. I had this feeling before, like a hand moving on my back. I had a feeling, like a hand is resting on my shoulder like. But never this extrem. My grandfather died a few days ago and i actually got named after him. I know how strange everything sounds but i think, it's his hand. I know this sound like i totally lost my sanity but all this only happend upstairs, in my apartment. Never ever anywhere else.

Im too coward to kms

Im too coward to do it and it makes me even more miserable. I have no reason to live, im useless at my job and goes unoticable all day. I have no s.o. and i dont think my family or few friends would mourn me for too long. I dont even have anything to live for in the future and i lost interest in everything. Theres absolutely nothing holding me back yet whenever i try to do it im too coward to actually do it and whatever i do is never enough. Im tired of trying and im tired of living and i dont want to just sit and wait for my end im really tired and all this is pointless it makes me go mad

I realized I'm an absolutely horrible person, why am I like this?

For forever I've consistently neglected the well-being and needs and feelings of others in place of myself, it's so bad in fact that most times I don't even think of them while I'm doing whatever. About a year ago I called a coworker who was nothing but kind to me a crackhead in front of him and all my other coworkers and I saw little wrong with it. I had told a child (they were about middle school aged) to jump off a nearby bridge because they insulted me. Years ago I was in group chat with someone with a drinking issue and they came on drunk as shit, and I only saw opportunity in this and I suggested they should mix bleach in with their drink. Just today at my job I had walked into the men's room three times to use the sink to clean myself while my female coworker was in there cleaning. It wasn't until the third time I realized something was off with my behavior and she rightfully told me to gtfo and clean myself somewhere else. She told me a few minutes later that she felt harassed and even then when I knew something was wrong with me, I knee-jerk reacted and tried to defend myself. I thought about it and I have come to the conclusion that while I didn't mean to harrass her or make her feel unsafe, that was only because I had never even thought about her need to feel safe in that position in any way until the very end. This is just the tip of the iceberg of the absolute worst stuff I've done. I just realized today because of what I did that there is something seriously wrong with me. How do I change this? I never think about it until it's too late.

I don’t like my friend much anymore…

I have this friend (f27) who I’ve recently fallen out with because she f**ked me over for this guy, her best friend, who she is in love with (he has a gf of 5 years or something btw). Anyway, I am starting to find her so emotionally immature these days. She puts him above everything. Her mental health, her friendships, her online community. They constantly fight over the same crap all the time. Non of her few friends like him. Jesus, random people they have played games online with say they don’t like him or that he’s a creep. She used to stream and had a healthy following at one point, when he wasn’t around. That’s now toast. She constantly interferes in his relationship with his gf and is absolutely awful to and about her (that’s really messy so I won’t in here). He’s not even remotely cute either. He’s an ugly bellend who loves the attention he gets from her I think. She’s been trying to get him to leave his gf for years yet he hasn’t and won’t but don’t get it twisted, he does not respect his gf. She even describes him as a narcissist ffs and accuses him of future faking a relationship between them. The idiot looks like Kreacher from Harry Potter ffs. I just don’t get it… I digress. Recently as a reaction to him rejecting her yet again, she’s gotten heavily into fitness but with that has come the body shaming of the girlfriend. Constantly calling her fat (she’s on antidepressants mind) or a pig, posting mean little reels on Instagram that he’ll obviously see, stuff like that. Like how you gonna body shame this ugly mfs girlfriend when he won’t even leave her for you!? Look inward! I’ve hated him for so long for the hold I feel he has over her but the more I see her like this the more I think she’s as much the problem. Btw they don’t even live in the same freaking country as each other! She knows I will tell her things straight and she knows I’m right, hence why we have clashed so much over it these last few years. She’d rather live some delusion that her and him against the world is actually a thing. It’s sad and increasingly pathetic. She wasn’t always like this, that’s the worst part. There was a time when he wasn’t around for years and she was doing so well :( Now I can’t stand her. Our last fight just showed me who she is now. She’ll throw me under a bus for him yet forgive him anything. She just threw our friendship away and didn’t even blink. A plague o’ both their houses 😒

I feel like crying but I can't.

I'm so sad right now. It feels like everyone's life is going perfectly except mine. I'm a fresher and I'm looking for jobs but it's so hard. I apply close to 25-50 companies daily for job postings. I want to leave my house because my parents are being unbearable. I don't remember the last time I was so emotionally drained because I'm generally a very happy person. I hate sitting at home and feeling useless. My best friend is going on dates and telling me how it's going and I'm so happy for her but I can't help but feel jealous, her life is sorted out right now and she can do these things but I'm stuck at home with no job, not enough money and parents who say the most horrible things to me but they "mean it in a good way and I'm just sensitive". My dad told me that I always go for a low-hanging fruit. Me trying to get a job, not take money from them, survive on my own is a low-hanging fruit. My mom keeps saying the most rudest things and then chalks it upto "I say wrong things once in a while, can't she see I'm on her side and I don't mean it". Basically I'm supposed to ignore everything they say to me and realise they're just putting me down because they care about me. It's hard right now and it's hard to see other people do the things I want to do and buy the things I want. And I'm trying, I'm trying so hard but my parents just don't see it and my mom would rather ignore me than talk to me. I just want to leave this house, I want a break. I just want a break.

I’m going through the worst breakup and we never even dated.

This is my first post on here so I’m sorry if I’m scattered. I just don’t know what to make of this and I need help and advice. I (20F) met a guy who we will call Luke (20M) and he turned my life upside down. I have been in one long term relationship, but it was a toxic high school situation that lasted about three years. That breakup was very hard on me but now that I’m older I think it was more about being used to him and losing that rather than love as terrible as it sounds. When I met Luke, I was already over this situation and I was in a much better spot. We’ve been seeing each other for a while now and everything’s been going great, I go to therapy to unlearn toxic behavior and better myself as a person and I can genuinely say I’m in a spot to maintain a healthy relationship. Our dynamic is great, I’m the type of girl that honestly is very nerdy but I’ve always been treated like I can’t express that because I’m seen as just pretty and nothing more than that. I’m treated like I’m annoying usually when I want to be who I really am and not who people see me as. With him I never felt like this, he just got it. I could go on for hours about indie games and how much I love finding rare collectibles, go into my love for all genres of music, literature, and art. He related as well and we have so much in common including my dry sense of humor. We’ve never even had an argument, when something goes wrong we just have a constructive conversation, come up with a solution, and move forward with these changes. He tells me he loves me and shows me that in every way he can. He’ll buy me flowers every week and makes sure I eat which used to be an issue for me, he takes me on dates and rubs my back and feet after work. We’ve met each others family and we both agreed how important it was to have a good relationship with family. I’ve met his friends. I have clothes, makeup, jewelry, toiletries at his house. Overall, he’s shown me love in a way I wasn’t shown before in my previously abusive relationship and I didn’t feel like I had to be anyone else when I’m around him. So here’s the issue, after all this time he never asked me to be his girlfriend but would talk about marriage, children, and “forever”. The other night I called him and he hadn’t texted me after work like he usually does, but he picked up the phone. I asked him if we can see a movie together soon and he jokingly said “no” so I just laughed and said “what you don’t love me now?” which was a joke and we both joke like this often so it’s not misconstrued. He then responded no which usually isn’t the response but I didn’t question it but I still laughed it off as I usually would overthink in the past but I never do when it comes to him. We talked for maybe 30 more seconds before he told me he was busy and he’s gotta go. I told him I love him and he just tried to say goodbye and wouldn’t say it back. I giggled and asked if he would say it back and he just said “later, I’m busy”. This is where I was overthinking. I asked why and he just said I’m busy I gotta go and hung up. I tried calling back, no answer. I texted him asking what was going on and he texted me back saying he doesn’t want me to pressure him, he doesn’t want a relationship, and I quote “I'm sorry if I ever made u feel a type of way but I can see that you're in way deeper than I am”. Which is way out of left field for him. I called him and he didn’t call back until 20 minutes later and told me he doesn’t know if he loves me and that I’m crazy for expecting we were more than what we were. We haven’t talked since, this was 2 days ago. I haven’t stopped crying since considering I thought it was going great and I haven’t been so happy in a relationship in my life. Does anyone have any insight? I want to text him but I don’t know what to do or what to believe. Extra context: When we met I didn’t want a relationship but when I started catching feelings I let him know and also told him if he wasn’t comfortable with that we can end what we were doing. He told me he feels the same and wants to try this. I didn’t say I love you first, he did and even still I asked if he was sure before I said it back because I want to move at his pace and didn’t want to make him uncomfortable by moving too fast. We have touched base multiple times to talk about where we stand and he told me he loves me and only me and wants to be with me forever. This past weekend he asked me if I want to try to have a baby within the next year, I said no but I don’t think this is what made him act this way. Long story short, we communicated about what we both want and our feelings multiple times so I’m just confused.

I hate how and when I was born.

I hate feeling angry over the stupidest shit, I hate feeling like I have no control, I hate feeling like I'm being attacked and embarrassed every time someone tells me to change my life and myself, I hate having Autism, I'd be less embarrassing if I was born better. I have no motivation, and my life has become venting my feelings and staring at the same fucking screen and tapping at it with my fucking fingers and thumbs. I want to overdose on my medication in order to feel happy. What's the secret? Why are all of you able to get up and do shit without going through the five stages of grief? Why do you guys have it easy? Why don't I? My mind always drifts somewhere else and I can't get shit done. Do I have ADHD? I don't know. I'm defined by my autism. I can't dare change my routine, I can't go anywhere without getting lightheaded in some form, and I cant do anything focused and undistracted. I don't get it. This is why I'm not changing, why I'm not feeling better. I was born in a fucked mind, a fucked generation, and I'm not going anywhere. I have to sit in a fucking circle and watch it go round and round forever.

Badmouthing exes

My ex and I broke up 3 years ago, because I was a serial cheater. The following 2 years we stayed in contact as well as intimate. Although we were, I had no decision of when we could talk, see or be intimate. Whenever I asked to do any of these I was met with “we are never getting back together”. This crushed me every time, my mental health took a huge downward spiral. Now a year later since we last were intimate, my friends try to be on my side and bad mouth my ex. Saying she treated me as bad as I treated her. I take pride in always responding with, “well her ex was a piece of shit so I don’t blame her”. I’m very proud of myself to accept and acknowledge all of my misdeeds and refuse to talk Ill about someone because they/things don’t go my way.

Disappointed again

So for context my gf and I are late in highschool, we’ve been dating for almost 2 full years and she came over to my house for the first time ever a couple days ago and I asked if she wanted to come over again today. She said yes and then today came and when I suggested that we go after we got some takeout she said that she didn’t want to ask her mom because her mom would get mad and say no, effectively saying she couldn’t come over. Normally I’d understand and be ok but this has happened so many times where she promises to come over or do something with me then doesn’t follow through then she started getting upset with me because I was disappointed. This has happened so many god damn times it’s really getting frustrating and I rlly don’t know what to do. I don’t even care about sex or anything and tried to make it clear than I didn’t care about sex and she’d just be coming over to watch a movie or something like that. Idek

I gained some weight and now my mother keeps bullying me about it.

I want to start off by saying I’m 22 years old and a woman. Recently I’ve trying weaning myself off of anti depressants and other medication and I’ve found that I’ve resorted to eating more as my appetite has felt different. Since hitting adulthood I’ve been pretty lean and I guess what could be considered ‘slender’ but I’ve been eating a lot recently and I’ve gained some weight. I already feel bad about doing so because it has made me feel insecure and has me second guessing my choice to get off of anti depressants, but to make it bad my own mother has decided to insult my appearance and call me ‘fat belly’ and ‘cow’ in my native language whenever she’s angry. She tries to pass it off as a joke or a casual comment but it feels like there is some truth into what she’s saying. She also compares me to my other cousins who were bigger but have since lost weight. I used to have an eating disorder which left me very underweight a few years ago and I’ve since recovered. But even then I kept on being called skeleton and zombie by her. It just feels painful to deal with that. I’m trying to eat better. I have a lump in my throat from typing this.

I found out my beloved childhood doll got lost in the mail..

When I (29F) was a little girl, my dad brought me home a 4ft stuffed rag doll from a trip, which of course I instantly fell in love with. I took her everywhere with me, would often fall asleep snuggling her like a pillow due to her huge size, had affectionate nicknames for her that the whole family used - the whole nine yards. Eventually as I got older, we decided to put her into storage for safekeeping so that I could hopefully pass her on to my own kids one day. Fast forward to the end of last year, my mom and I are going through storage boxes and discover that a mouse must have also thought she would make a great pillow and had been using her as a nest. We gave her a good wash, but that revealed some other small issues - mainly thinning stuffing in some areas and some small holes/rips in the stitching, etc. My mom suggests we send her to a long distance relative for repair. I distinctly remember thinking to myself 'Hmm.. I have a bad feeling about this..'' but my mom insisted it should be fine as long as we paid for the tracked shipping, so I pushed the thought aside and reluctantly agreed. She makes it to my aunt just fine and gets some much needed TLC - ended up looking brand new after she was done from what I'm told. Unfortunately, I would never get the chance to see the final result, though, because it sounds like the return trip was not so lucky. Apparently she was finished up and was shipped back sometime in January. When she didn't arrive my mom and my aunt reached out to the carrier to try and find her - but turns out that stupid special tracked shipping that we paid a fortune for was of no use at all, as they supposedly had no clue where she ended up. My mom didn't know how to tell me, so she hoped that maybe she could bide some time until they could locate the package, thus sparing me the stress and worry.. but after three months of trying, the mail carriers sent my mom an email that the case has been closed and they were no longer actively looking. It ended up coming up in conversation while we were on the phone yesterday, and so she knew it was time to come clean. I had a lot of feelings kinda of hit me all at once. My first knee jerk reaction was to be angry with myself for not sticking with my original gut feeling about mailing her, that then turned into denial - telling myself that maybe she would turn up eventually, before having the realization that if it had already been 6 months of her being missing already that the chances of that were pretty low, and then ultimately just feeling really depressed. I could tell my mom felt really, really bad about the whole thing and I didn't want to make her feel worse, so I tried to swallow the bad feelings and look on the brightside - suggesting that maybe we could find a similar doll for my kids when the time came so that we could keep her around 'in spirit'. I spent all last evening tracking down the year and brand of the that particular doll, and even found a few that looked sort of similar to her on ebay.. but the more I looked the more it just made me realize that no matter which doll we ended up getting, it wouldn't really be able replace her and that ultimately I needed to accept that she was gone. It was at that point that I realized I was way more I torn up about it than I had originally thought and the little girl in me just couldn't hold back the tears anymore.. So there I was, a nearly 30 year old woman, ugly crying over her missing dolly. To make things worse, my boyfriend and I recently decided that we'd like to start trying for kids of our own - it felt like an extra punch in the gut to have kept her safe for so long, only to haved fumbled it right at the one yard line.. I love my mom and my aunt very much and I know they tried really, really hard to make things right once they realized something was wrong - so I am in no way mad at either of them, but I do still feel really sad about it. I keep telling myself that nothing in life lasts forever and even if we hadn't sent her in the mail it doesn't mean something else wouldn't have happened later on.. I guess it was just harder to accept than I originally thought it would be. I know she was just a bit of fabric, stuffing, and thread - but she was my whole world for a little while and really meant a lot to me. She was essentially a link to my childhood.. I'm hoping maybe after some times has passed and I start having kids that I can maybe get a go back to the idea of getting a similar one for them to have as their own, but for now, it just all stings a little too much.. If you made it this far, thanks for sticking through with me. I know things will be okay in the end, I just needed to put the emotions into words and get them off my chest so that I could start heal and move forward without making my mom feel worse about it. And who knows.. maybe some day when I'm least expecting it I'll find a pleasant surprise on my doorstep.. probably not, but whatever happens then I guess at least I will always have the memories.

I use Grubhub to spite my mother

I (33, F) had a TIA (a minor stroke) in 2021. I've had severe hypertension my whole life, even when I was much younger and at a healthier weight (currently sitting between 290-310lbs as of writing this). One side of my body stopped working entirely, leaving me unable to walk or write and with a droop to my face and mouth. I was unbelievably fortunate though because, while I lost strength and function to my side, I never lost sensation or nerve sensitivity. I stayed in the hospital for about a week, regaining my function enough to be able to return home. From there, I did a few months of PT until I returned to normal, gaining my mobility and coordination back. One of the first things my mother remarked on when I was able to hold a fork again and rejoin my family at the dinner table was how slim and healthy I looked after losing about 15+ lbs of water weight during my hospital stay. So real talk: I can't stand my mother. For a lot of reasons, many of which aren't (directly?) relevant here. One of the more relevant reasons is the mindset she instilled in me from a young age about food and fitness. For my entire life, she's looked like me: overweight/plus size. I was her first born child, and the implication that her pregnancy with me was what put the kibosh on her figure has been impossible to escape. (FYI, before she had me, she was an aerobics instructor and a beauty queen/pageant winner. Some of my earliest memories involve playing with her mostly unused workout equipment and looking at her pageant photos.) I've never had a good or healthy relationship with food or fitness, though lord knows I've tried. I'm a good cook and I do gravitate towards greens, veggies, all that good stuff, but its never been enough to turn the tide for me. On top of having very high blood pressure (I'm on 6 or 7 medications for it at this point), I also have PCOS (a syndrome that makes weight loss/maintenance even harder than it is because of how it plays havoc with your hormones, satiety and insulin sensitivity). As if that weren't enough, I also have major depression and anxiety (I treat with bupropion, because SSRIs made me overeat even more). None of these are excuses. I do still think its important to eat healthy and be active, I just really have my work cut out for me. Since the age of about 12, I think I may have read every diet and self help book under the sun, enough to be able to predict every chapter beat, that's how far gone I am. I can't eat anything without doing some weird tortured calculus in my head where I weigh the metabolic and moral and environmental implications of what I'm about to shove in my face hole (is this what the kids are call orthorexia? Idk, planning to ask my psychiatrist about it next time we meet). In the middle of all the feel-good food-related memories people tend to have (outings, family dinners, holidays, cute baking adventures, etc), I have some really messed up ones that definitely warped my feelings around food. Like when I was 8 or 9 and my mother made me eat yogurt out of the trashcan in the middle of the night because I was wasteful. Or when I was 15 or 16 and she beat me for eating a bowl of popcorn because we were supposed to be doing Nutrisystem together. Yes, popcorn. Not even kettle corn. It didn't even have butter topping on it. I had to get my ass beat for that, but to this day she's obsessed with getting giant tins of of specialty popcorns covered in cheddar or caramel or powdered dill or whatever. (excuse the tangent, sorry, I'm clearly still bitter) Fast forward to where we're at today. A combination of the pandemic layoffs, a car accident that left me without a vehicle and needing to leave a toxic sober-living situation (I was a house manager for a sober living facility, because hi I'm also a recovered addict/alcoholic - been clean for almost 7 years), made it so that I had to move back in with my immediate family, which (sadly) includes my mother. Every conversation with her turns back to either food or working out in some sense, even (and especially) when it doesn't make sense or isn't relevant. And there's always this weirdly competitive, mimic-y angle to it. When I started drinking mineral water with lemon or ACV as a soda replacement, she started doing it too. When I started making overnight oats in mason jars, she started doing it too. Whenever I use the treadmill, I make sure to level off the incline and clear the screen/turn it off for the next person to use. When she uses it, she leaves it all on, like she wants me to know how she's doing or like she's beating me or something. Weirdo shit like that. Soooo I use Grubhub. A lot. Like twice a day, maybe 3 to 5 times a week, esp if I'm really not up for cooking that week. It's expensive, but I just don't have the will to cook when I go into our fridge or pantry and see it all crammed with produce and products we're going to throw away because my mother insists on overstocking and hoarding everything, regardless of if we have room for it (which we usually don't). The decision fatigue, the agita I get from all the visual and actual clutter. the constant throwing away and re-sorting of food, the arguments it leads to in the house, the guilt trips about being wasteful, the constant pestering about what we're going to eat .... I would rather just order chicken tikka and eat it in my room by myself. No cooking, no dishes, no interactions with my family. Easy. I've gotten passive aggressive BS from her about all my ordering out. Some of it under the (unconvincing) guise of being concerned for my health, some out of a sense of entitlement for not sharing or ordering for everyone. She apologized exactly once for this (six months after my stroke, if I remember), even managing to work up some tears as she acknowledged how she went about policing and judging what I eat, but that was ultimately of no consequence because she still keeps up the judgement and all the other passive aggressive crap I've outlined here. Maybe she thought the theatrics would cause me to do a 180? Idk. Either way, I'm not buying it. Here's my dilemma: even though I know intellectually that my life overall (but particularly my health and my wallet) would improve drastically if I cut out all the food delivery, I just haven't been able to do it any less than I know I should. I know what my triggers are. Most of the time, I find myself reflexively reaching for my phone to order whenever my mother and I get into it, or if I'm not dealing well with work stress, or whatever. And in some fashion, it feels good. Not just the food (which can be pretty mid or even gross at times), but the fact that I'm asserting myself in this small, pathetic way. I know I'm not REALLY getting one over on her or making some sort of point, but it still scratches that itch. This is one thing I can do and eat and she's not involved in it. I know how this sounds. This is a really stupid way of taking my power back, lol if that's what I'm even doing, which I doubt. I know I have weird control issues around food. I'm trying to get some professional help for it. And I know I'm never going to be a size 6 or whatever. I don't even want to be. I just want to stop devoting so much of my life to thinking about food and guilt about food and burning off calories from food and on and on and on. I want to stop binge eating and myself myself feel ill and disgusting. I know I'm hurting myself more than I could ever be hurting her. I know all this. I know it, and I'm trying my hardest. I want to set a boundary with her - no more food or fitness talk - but this would be such a major overhaul in behavior. Like I said before, EVERYTHING comes back to these two subjects with her and I just can't anymore. I don't think she has it in her to stop. I'm trying to get my finances in order so I can move out, but its been slow going (all the dining out hasn't helped). Thanks for listening.

Everything feels pointless.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. Every day feels like a chore. Getting up feels like a chore, eating feels like a chore, showering and brushing my teeth feel like a chore. I feel worthless. Yet, I can’t off myself because the pain I will cause my siblings worries me. The thought that my little brother or sister finding me lifeless scares me. I just don’t know what to do or think anymore. I miss the way things used to be. I feel like I’m never going to be happy again. I feel like I’m stuck in an endless loop of pain. Maybe I got too happy that day. Maybe I was just so happy that I needed to be shaken down. Maybe too many good things were happening to me and I deserved to feel pain. I still don’t understand why it had to be him. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll go through with my thoughts. Maybe that makes me selfish. I can’t handle this. I have never been good at handling grief, but this is too much. This is too much for me. Im just so tired, so hurt. I don’t know how I will overcome this, I don’t think I can and I fear that I will hurt myself or worse, that will worry my loved ones. I worry for everyone else. I don’t understand why life has to be so cruel. Sorry, Reddit. It’s been a painful morning.

I(23M) know I have to breakup with my girlfriend(21F) of 6.5 years, but I’m having a difficult time doing so.

I(23M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (21F) for over 6.5 years. She is my first love. What is your opinion on this situation? Ill give a quick summary of what happened in my relationship with her which let me to deciding to break up with her. We met in highschool and started dating eachother after 3 years of being friends. The first few years were great I’d say. I don’t really have an active memory of all the details, but I remember being very happy at the time. From the start of our relationship she was very loving and caring which made me forget about my bad past and ongoing struggles. She was always there for me whenever I needed someone to talk to or stay positive. She would always cheer me up. For context: My parents divorced when I was 8 and the fighting for the children and lawsuits went on for 10 years. My father got addicted to weed when I was 10 years old and would get suicidal frequently up untill I was 20 and moved out for my own health. Everything that happened in this period made me very insecure, depressed, sad, hopeless, shy and antisocial. I think that this period of my life also contributed to the fact that I have a difficult time communicating with anyone and showing my true emotions. I’m a very closed person and tend to keep everything to myself. She made me forgot about all these things and would always find a way to make me happy. She’s the one who literally made me into the man I am today. She kept me focused on school and career and kept me emotionally stable. I wouldn’t be where I am today without her: became way more social, have a good job, great mindset, got my degree. Which makes this break up, which is inevitable, all the more difficult to me. 3 Years ago she graduated from highschool and when to these university meetups where you get to know new students. (I still had one year left in highschool). She would go out and drink with these people. Long story short: she ended up kissing a guy and went over to his house the day after where they made out and she ended up giving her head. Didn’t know it at the time it had happened but a week after the incident i noticed an unfamiliar name on her phone. I checked the texts and it was very sexual so i confronted her. She told me he initiated the kiss and that he forced his lips on het without her wanting it. I was very hurt but idk why but i believed her story and we went on with the relationship. She was very sorry and genuinely did her best to be the best girlfriend from that moment on. A month later I had a gut feeling and said that i knew there was more to the story. She confessed and it felt like my world collapsed. I failed school at around the same time and my father was very suicidal then. So I didn’t want to lose my only source of happiness and distraction. So we went on with the relationship. Overall i would say she starting improving as a girlfriend from then. Would give more love and affection etc. Everything was great although i was still very hurt and traumatized in the months after the incident. It faded with time but the hurt and visualizations would never disappear. March 2022: we had a conversation somewhere in town after not seeying eachother for a while due to Covid. She told me that she realised how much of a weight i was on her shoulders during the period of separation. She announced that she wants a break from the relationship. I agreed but was very hurt as she was everything for me. We didnt talk for a week bc she wanted space. I tried to respect it but eventually we got back to talking and then meeting in the city, going for drinks, eventually we started kissing and cuddling agaain after some time and having sex. This period lasted two months. For me it felt like we were in a relationship again. (Break started in march and ended in july I believe). During this break she would go out every week, multiple nights for girltime. And she explicitly told me i could 100% trust her and that we are exclusive. I trusted her first. But when her friends were around she would tell me to act like a friend to her. While basically being in a relationship in private. I grew suspicious and had a feeling she was kissing other guys during the night outs. I prepared for the worst but I wouldn’t want to believe she did do that. My fears were confirmed after i saw her kissing a guy in her friends snapchat story. I was devistated, failed school again, and during this period my dad had a heart attack in my presence. I saw it happening and he would spent the next weeks in the IC and in the hospital for 2 months. I was a complete mess at the time and again seeked comfort by spending time with her. She confessed kissing multiple guys during our break. I pretended that it didnt happen. I just wanted to feel love and comfort. Iknow this is a horrible decision at the time but i didntt know better. After a month of discussing whether we should make it work we decided that we are goijg to stay together. Iknow dumb desicion. We went on a holiday together and i acted like nothing had happened and kept everything inside. She gave 10x effort 10x more love after what happened. We moved in together….. The relationship was stronger and better than ever this last year because of her improving herself. However from the inside my heart was broken and i was hurting everyday. Although i didnt notice it or wanted to acknowledge it untill 2023. So i just numbed it away. Distracting myself with her and video games. (Living together for 4 months now) In december i had a sudden mindset change. Wanting to fix me life. 2023 would be my year. I’ve been working out 6 times a week. Distanced myself from my father as he had a bad influence on me. I started eating healthy, started a healthy sleep pattern. I have quit gaming as for 4 weeks now. Change my appearance. And now i’m about to get my degree and go to university. I keep on wanting to improve myself, and I still have a long way to go. My girlfriend is very impressed with all the self improvement I made throughout 2023. And it feels like she is way way way more in to me now that I somewhat have my shit together. But, during this journey i realised wtf had happened to me in my relationship. I realised that it’s not normal for a healthy relationship to have gone through this stuff. I feel like I deserve better and should leave her. I can’t see myself marrying and having children with someone who did all this to me. I’m hurting from the inside, finally realising the discusting shit that has happened to me. Tbh i also think that it was more than just kissing as she would stay out untill 8AM when the clubs were already closed for hours. I just didn’t want o believe it. But i am now facing reality and it fucking hurts. I love her with all my heart and she made me into the man i am today. Without her i would still be a loser and would have gotten nowhere. For the past months visualizations and dreams of her doing stuff with other men have become frequent. When im intimate or kiss her, i keep imagining her doing it with someone else. I act like im fine, and sure i love to kiss and be intimate with her but it just creeps up more often than not. It’s eating me from the inside. Part 2 of the story is on my account, I couldn’t post it here because it was too long to fit into one post. I couldn’t post a link as this wasnt allowed. I appreciate if you read part 2 as well thanks for reading, feel free to msg me.

Contemplating life: Relationships, profession and life in general.

Alrighty, I needed to let this out somewhere and did not want to do so from my main account. Well anyways, I'm in my mid 20's working as an SDE. Not really working. I am employed but I currently dont have any work. That isn't important. So, today I went for a walk. It's cold here rn. Cloudy, rainy, moody weather got me thinking about my life till now. It's been 3 year since my breakup, and 3 years since I have had sex. I dated her for 4 years. First relationship, deeply madly in love. The breakup happened at the start of covid which did not help at all. And I started losing my hair just at that point. The following 2 years were, well, pretty bland, increasing my insecurities- about height, hair, weight. I gained around 12 kgs during the lockdown. I almost went bald. Coming to the present, I managed to get some of my hair back by being on medications, I have managed to shed like 5-6kgs by hitting the gym and playing sports. I'm in a much better place mentally and physically but what I can't seem to improve is my dating life. I have tried OLD, doesn't work for me. I dont think I'm unattractive. I'd say I'm above average. Coming to real life interactions, I can't seem to find the drive to talk to people, put in the effort to create something. Before my relationship, I used to be a go getter. I used to approach, talk, flirt. Thats how I got my first gf. Idk, that drive have seemingly vanished. I'm stuck in this loop of wanting a relationship and sex but unable to find the drive to do so. I sometimes miss my ex. I miss the intimacy, I miss the sex, I miss the companionship. Now I seem to be looking for validation in everyone's eyes. I crave for them to look at me, to validate me that I'm attractive. And it's not like I dont get any validation either. I've been told I'm hot, cute, pretty. But it doesn't seem to help at all. I have a big fear of rejection and what that would to do my confidence. I have this fear of being seen as a creep who's approaching every other woman. I've been out of the dating game for so long I'm lost. And it is affecting me. I seem to get attached very easily to people with whom I vibe. And I get upset when they tell me about their crushes. I dont like this. I'm in therapy too, ofc. And I'm constantly confused about what I want. Either a serious relationship or something casual. I can't seem to take time off and focus on myself because the moment I vibe with someone, I cast away what I was doing put all my efforts in talking to them. Sigh. Professionally, I'm not in a good place. I make way less than what my peers do. I dont even know if this is the field I want to be in. But I've always had this feeling that I'll be able to do good in any field if I try enough. I have a jack of all trade character. And now I'm applying for masters but I'm not able to put my 100% in that either. I study for maybe 1-2 hour and scroll reddit or listen to music in the remaining time. I have a lot of things to improve upon. I am unable to find consistency. I can have a good 3-4 days and it all goes down the drain the 5th day. I just stay on the sofa and binge watch stuffs or listen to music or do anything unproductive. I dont want to be like this. I wanna be active. I wanna live. I want to explore. All in all, life did not turn out the way I wanted it to be. And I've been contemplating as to why that is. How did I fuck up. Where did I fuck up. Days are finite and I feel that I have wasted my past 3 years. I am lagging in life, and I can't see anything forward. It's dark and I am unable to figure out- where I am, what am I doing. Maybe I have improved one aspect of life which is physical health. I still have a long way to go. And the reason I posted is, well, I wanted to get this off my chest, and, I wanted to see if someone out there is going through the same as me, or have gone through the same and overcome it. If yes, please do comment. I just want to know that I'm not alone in this. Thank you for reading till the end. Take care.

How to handle an intense crush on someone who is not interested?

Basically had a crush on a guy for a few years and then we happened to gain contact again. I told him how i felt and he handled it pretty well but also told me that he still liked someone from years ago. I felt like i had to distance myself but idk what to do because eventually im gonna have to come back and explain my behavior since we’re friends, but i feel like i cant run away from my feelings and it’s starting to get overwhelming.