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24

Well, I guess I get to finally do a reading assignment for psychology. I always wondered what's done with these assignments. whether they test us students for mental illness or just conduct some research on us as though we're guinea pigs. Oh well, I guess it's a good way in any case to get us involved, since it is part of our grade. Man, my back is feeling kind of itchy now from walking and riding around campus all day. I can't really concentrate for, wow, eighteen more minutes, since I've had quite a lack of sleep over the past few days. It's getting harder and harder to stay awake as the days go by. The thing that bothers me is that all my classes have more than three hundred students except for one of them, so there really is no one to keep me awake except maybe the occasional glance from the professor. I've been mostly lucky about getting good ones. I'm getting a bit hungry now but the time is keeping me in, and my stomach is starting to growl. Hmm, spaghettios or mac and cheese, or should I finally start off with something healthy, I mean there is a whole fridge full of food. maybe an apple, then some pasta. That would sound good. I need to do something to keep my freshman 15 off, maybe the occasional biking and the insane walking I do every day might work off those hamburgers. This computer screen is making my eyes blurry, and I'm now slowly falling asleep. Aww man, I actually have to stay awake today in order to pass my quiz tomorrow in theatre. It shouldn't be too bad. I don't even know if I'm supposed to be doing punctuation or capitalizing the words. It's not like this is an official paper, but since I'm a perfectionist I can't really deal with things that are out of line or place. I guess it only works on AOL because it's just faster to type this way. I just realized that I get off track too easily, I may have some form of ADD. I can barely even listen to myself talk for 20 minutes. It's really hard when I'm face to face with someone. I just can't stand in one place for that long. So, I just zone out. as I'm doing now. I'm slowly becoming less aware and careful of what I write. People sometimes think I'm drunk when I'm sending them mail, like when I sent a post card to a few friends back home while I was backpacking through Europe this summer with my brother. Where is he by the way? Oh yeah, he went to work today. I live with him, I thought it'd be hard since we always used to fight when we were little. I'd always want what he had and vice versa. So, when we were in Europe, we were good at some points bought kind of fought a majority of the time. I guess the difference here is that . um I lost my track of thought, oh yeah, that we have separate rooms so we don't have to really see each other all the time. Just a moment, I need to change my posture. I'm becoming less attentive to myself. that's better. I wonder where my dog is, it's usually good to have him by my side. He is fluffy and fun to pet, well, at least he is there to substitute for my brother and keeps me company. That reminds me, I was supposed to walk him when I got home, but I haven't come around to doing that. I'll just go in 6 minutes when this is over. He can wait awhile. I wish I was a dog, he doesn't need anything but the occasional love, food, water, and he gets to sleep whenever he wants. I want to just take a while to lounge. I don't even get to do that much in the summer. I'm always active, either moving around, hanging out, or traveling. which I like a lot. Oh, I forgot to ask my adviser about the study abroad program. I'm a big language freak, in French at least, after I've finished learning that I want to do Italian and maybe Spanish. I'm slowly losing my Russian though, since my parents aren't there with me every evening to talk to. I need to move around a bit, my butt is getting sore from the chair. I need to get a new chair finally, this one just isn't doing it. Twenty minutes is a lot longer than I thought, I wonder how much I've written already. It seems like my fingers haven't stopped moving for quite a while. It's a renewed sensation since I haven't played piano for a while. I need to finally get one of those too for my apartment. or else I'll forget how to do that too. It's weird how something you've done nearly your entire life can disappear so quickly. Yay, only a few more seconds left to write, 10 , 8, 5, 2, 1. Done

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My fiance is making me do my writing assignment now. He just pushed me in front of the computer. This is my third time to try and do this thing. I'm really hoping that it works this time. It gets kind of frustrating. Jesse wants to read what I'm typing. He's making me nervous because I don't want him to read this, but I'm sure he'll figure some way to see it. He says that I don't trusthim because i don't want him to read it. I don't like loud noises, especially from things like vacuums. Jesse is vacuuming right now. I don't like it when people play music loud either. It just bothers me. I love Jesse, sometimes I just don't get what he expects from me. I am so tired. I haven't slept since I came to Austin. Thats probably because my bed is broken and no one has come to fix it yet. I'm really thirsty. I just walked back to campus from the capitol. Jesse bought me one of those glowing necklace things. September 11th makes me sad. I was is my chemisty class at Maypearl High School and the principal made an announcement for all of us to meet in the cafeteria. I didn't believe it at first. Why does Jesse always bug me. He likes to see how much he can annoy me. I love him, but I don't like to be bothered. I'm starting to get really sleepy. I don't want to go to class tomorrow. My freshman seminar should be a really easy class, but I don't do well speaking in front of people and I'm not very creative. I'm probably the least creative person on the planet. I want to go home. I can't wait until friday because I get to go home. Sometimes I think that I can't stand my family, but when I'm in Austin, I wish I was home with them. My roommate is out with some weird guy she met on the internet. I swear she's with a new one every day. I'm afraid something bad is going to happen to her. Raquetball is fun to play. Jesse and I were supposed to play yesterday, but we forgot. Its really hot in here. I'm usually always cold. My contacts are bothering me. I think I need to put in a new pair. I'm really thirsty. I wonder what other people are writing about. I've always wondered what other people think about. I wonder if people think as weird of things as me. Sometimes I think really weird things and have no idea why. I really like cranberry juice. Its pretty good. I need to clean my room. My roommate and I are both really messy. It looks pretty bad. I really like frogs. I have so much frog stuff. I feel like I've been typing forever. Time seems to be going incredibly slow. A Walk to Remember is a really good movie. Sometimes I miss working at the movies. but I hated working there too. I guess that's just the way it goes. My fish are pretty cool. There salt water fish and are very pretty. I don't like it when Jesse touches me in certain places. I just don't want to be touched there. It doesn't make me feel good. But if I say anything to him about it, he gets mad, and thinks that I don't love him and don't want to mess around with him, etc. I really don't feel good. My trashbags smell like vanilla. They smell pretty good without the trash in them. Three minutes left. Yay. Jesse freaks out over the strangest things, especially anything star trek. I don't like that show. I'm don't like most things that are sci-fi. I used to though, I'm not sure why I don't anymore. Time goes by really really slow. Work is boring. I never actually do much work. Making copies isn't exactly exciting. But I'm not exactly exciting anyways. I also have no sense of humor and can be incredibly boring at times. Yay!! I'm finally done. That took forever.

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I am sore, my pecs hurt. hmmmm, I need a woman, I can't find anyone here, all the girls I meet are either ugyl, stupid, or taken, life is beginning to suck. I love UT but I am having trouble finding myself, I am not sure what I am going to do. I have always wanted to be a doctor, but what happens if I don't get into med school. what can I do with a bs in biochemistry? I hate living off campus. by the end of the day, I begin to smell, and I can't get home and take a shower unlike everyone else. I hope my car is going to be fixed by this weekend, things will be so much more convenient for me if it does get fixed. I wish I had gone to an earlier orientation and set my schedle right, I don't lke having 5 hours in between classes. ugh. sigh. I need a woman. I just want someone to hang out with whenever I get bored. right now I can't get into contact with any of my friends, so I have nnothing bettert to do, I am hungry. I want to go home. but I would have to walk fifteen minutes to the stop, wait a half hour at the damn stop, then wait another half hour to get home, then walk about ten minues, then it would take about another fifteen minutes for my food to get ready. ugh. I am bored, I need a woman. I wish I knew how I was percioeved by woman, I don't know if they find me attractive, funny, cute, or anything, I am completly clueless. I wish someone would just comeup and tell me exactly wha they think of me. sigh. lets see, my mouth tastes funny. I wish I had ome food on me. damn. damn, why does v have to have a boyfriend already, she just broke up with someone. I wish she liked me. I hate being "just friends" when I want more. I don't want to type this in the smf, I have an eerie feeling that someone I know is loooking over my shoulder, watching me write this stuff that I wouldnt tell my closest freiends. if she wasnt such a close friend, I think I would tell her, but she is like my best friend, and now I am afraid, no I know, that we wouldnt be friends if I were to tell her, I know she will freak out, heck I ve seen her do it before. I am so depressed. I need a woman. i hope no one is watching me type this, I am getting paranoid. damn I am sore, my back hurts, my arms hurt, and my chest hurts. I need a job. I need a woman. sigh. what should I do with my life, I think my friends don't like me anymore, I am becoming a nuisance to the I think. I tyr my hardest to not mooch off of people, but I always get bad vibes from everyone, like I am not wanted. I am sure that they arent right, I know that the y are false, but I can't shake the feeling. I try really hard to be as nice as possible to people now, but I can't shake generalizations that people dish out to me. some of my friends think of me as a pervert, even though my mind dosnt think that way. I never think of nastiness or sex, I just mention it every once in a while for jokes, I have too much time to myselfs. I thiknk thats why I am so insecure, I have to much time to think about my problems and such that I dwell on them, and make small things look big. if I had someone to hang out with whenever I am bored, then I think I would feel much better about myelf, but I find myself walking around campus a lot, and its so hard to get in contact with my friends, that I can't hang out with them. ,. I find myself drifting away into isolation. sigh.

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I've never really thought about what I'm thinking before, there seems to be someone in the net room making alot of racket. That's OK though because this is a dorm. They are talking now, wait I can't here them anymore, wait they just started talking again. I wonder what they are talkig about, probably something unimportant. I really need to find out where the Fine Arts library is so I can do this gay reading list. I don't even have a clear understanding of what I'm supposed to do. I assume I just have to look at some art and write down my feelings about it or something. It is really annoying becuase the class is already 4 hours long. There should not be any outside work, but I guess it's not too hard, and if there are not any set boundaries there isn't any set grading material, this means that it is basically completion, much like this assignment. I really want to go to the Texas Ski Ranch tommorrow but I can't find anyone to go and it is like an hour away and it will probably take longer because of traffic because the only time I could leave would be around 5:30. I hope they have put up some pimp sliders and kickers out there. If anyone reads this and you wakeboard/wakeskate and you want to go ride behind a pimp ass Supra Launch SSV and your willing to pay gas money contact me. Because I'm always looking for other riders and other people to pay gas money except myself. My roomate is sleeping right now. I can't decide if I like him or not. I don't dislike him, but I can't imagine myself being a really good friend of his. It seem our only link is that we are roomates. He seem like a little bit of a Jesus freak and a dork. That would suck if he was reading this right now, it's Ok, he's not. But you know how some people you just feel that you have a connection with them, that you can talk to them. You know that when your aroud them you feel comfortable. You can never tell that when you just look at a person. It seems to be the strangest people that are these people that you seem to share a special bond with, that you feel completly comfortable with. You feel you can be yourself, act stupid, laugh, you become a different person when you are around those people. I only noticed that fact this year. This year has been a real year of self examination and growth for me. I don't think I have grown as much as a thinking human being in this year then any other. I don't know what spurred it, but I think I know. I know I know. It was a girl I just got to know this year, but when I realized how important she was to me and how much I liked her she was taken. In my self pity I couldn't find the strength to tell her how I felt. I think I was scared of losing the friendship we already had. I didn't want our relationship to be strained by the possibility of me having feelings for her but the feelings not being mutual. I should have just told her and gotten it out in the open. She changed my life. I got the idea in my mind that to be with her I would need to be in the same physical shape as her to have any chance of a relatinship. She was the first motivation ever that pushed me to fulfill a long time goal of losing wieght and getting in shape. I still think about her and I know in my heart I will pursue her the next oppurtunity. The weight loss brings to mind another point that I have noticed about people. For as much talk that there is about inner beauty and all that shit, It's bullshit general (bulshi

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Right now I'm feeling relieved that I was able to get here the last couple of times I tried to get to this site the computer told me the site was unavailable. Very frustrating! I like this assignment, although I'm not sure why 20 minutes are necessary; it seems to me that 10 or even 5 minutes would do. I'm really not sure what to write next I haven't done this kind of thing since seventh grade, when I was home schooled. It's weird how your mind goes blank sometimes. I still don't know what to write. My thoughts are mostly involved with UT, with classes and so forth. I like them, in general, but only one has been intellectually stimulating so far (no, I am not going to tell you which one!) I have great hopes for the rest, though sometimes it takes a while for a class to get into gear. Don't know what to write. Don't know what to write. Feeling frustrated, I guess. I was afraid I wouldn't think of anything to write. It's not that I have a sluggish or inactive mind quite the opposite, actually. It's just that sometimes I don't do well when I have to write it down. Which is strange, because I love to write. I keep a journal (which you, Prof. Pennebaker, would probably find interesting) and enjoy writing in it my gripes, hopes, fears, joys and other important stuff. Maybe I'm just not good at this kind of structured work. I'm lefthanded, Prof. P does that have anything to do with it? I have a vivid imagination, and am inclined to daydream. Hey I just remembered, you said these were confidential. I can write anything I want! I don't feel any freer with that in mind, however. I'm stuck again. Still stuck. I wonder how many of my fellow classmates have the same trouble I do with this. Stuck. Now I'm thinking of the guy I like. (I'm not going to give his name, because I'm serious about him, and I'm not sure just exactly how confidential this really is. ) I wonder if you actually read any of these, just to see what kind of people are in your class. I know that if you really picked my brain you'd have some interesting stuff (interesting in a good way, of course!) This is a tumultuous and crazy time in my life, although most people would think it tame. My beliefs are undergoing an overhaul, and everything seems to be up in the air. That's not a good feeling, but it's never dull! I think in the last few months I've learned a lot about prejudice and tolerance, and I'm glad I'm learning what I am, even if it destroys my plans for perfect happiness (sarcasm there). What kind of a world is it where people who search for truth risk having everything they want taken away? This can't be right. But it's true, and there's no denying it. This makes me feel apprehensive and sad. I feel some anger at the world, and at God too. (Yes, Prof. Pennebaker, I believe there is a God!) But real religion requires immense amounts of faith, and I have to trust that everything will end up ok. Now I feel slightly reassured. If only everything weren't so uncertain! But do I really want a world where you know exactly what's going to happen next? What if you knew when bad things were going to happen, but were powerless to prevent any of them, because everything was predestined? It's possible that everything IS predestined, but that we don't know about it. Maybe you don't admit that as a possibility, Prof. P, but I do. Anyhow, I would much rather not know what's going to happen next in most cases. But in some, like who I'm going to marry, I can barely contain my curiosity. I guess that's due to a lack of satisfying relationships in my life, that I so strongly feel the need for another one. But whatever happens, I refuse to worry if everything's predestined, I can't change it anyway, and if it is, then I can still change things for the better.

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Well today I went with my friend Kai to his Texas Crew orientation. He tried to get me to join, but I just don't think that Crew would be the sport for me. I prefer to play volleyball above all other sports. Just this past week, I signed up for the volleyball teams here at UT. I would really enjoy to play for the school, or at least on a team, competing with others. I used to play volleyball every weekend with my family back in Houston, I guess that's why I like it so much. I miss being around my family, but I know that they are proud of me for being here at UT. I wanted to go back this weekend, since it's a 3 day weekend, unfortunately, I am a little behind in my classes, so I wanted to take advantage of this time to catch up and maybe get ahead a little. The reason which I am behind in my classes, which is so unlike me, is probably because I am having trouble reading and concentrating at the same time. I believe that this is happening because of the long summer. Well just now my ex-boyfriend instant-messaged me, which for some reason I have been avoiding. I guess because I don't want anything to do with him, I don't even consider him a good friend. Just now, my friend whom which I met through Hang Out, a gay organization here on campus, instant-messaged me asking me to go out. He has been taking me out, to places I wouldn't even think of going, since I arrived here at UT. Now him I do consider him a good friend. He is a really good guy, really fun to be around with. I don't know if I am starting to develop feelings for him, which would not be a good thing at all since he is about to leave the school. I spent last night at his house, just hanging out, talking about whatever came to our minds, and fell asleep on his bed. Nothing happened, but for some reason, I sort of wanted something to. I believe that I wanted something to happen because I have been feeling very lonely these past few days, maybe because of I need a boyfriend, or the whole owing the bank money and not having any to give, or not going home for the weekend. Or maybe I just genuinely like him. Well I guess we will soon find out because my scholarship check arrived at my house in Houston 2 days ago, and my mom is going to mail it to me, and if all goes as planned, I will be able to keep the money for myself, if financial aid allows me to. So I will use that money to pay off my bank bill. And today, my mom called, and I felt like I was there even though we are 3 hours away, which took away my wanting to go there for this weekend. Right now, I don't want a boyfriend for various reasons. One, I have decided to put off sex until I get tested for HIV. I don't have suspicions that I may have it, but I have had unprotected sex, and so I just want to be sure. Second, I need to stay focused on my school work, and having a boyfriend may distract me. Third, I just don't know if I can handle going through what I went through with my ex all over again. Not that it would necessarily happen again, but I just don't want to take the risk. Or maybe I should just be brave and take a risk. I need to do a lot of soul searching to come up with my decision.

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Right now I fell very discouraged about all this college business. Everything is going wrong. My computer keeps screwing up and I don't know how the hell to fix it. I want to go home where I know where things are. I wouldn't have a computer problem if I were home. I have barely any friends here and nothing ever to do but to watch TV even though there is never anything good on. I miss my girlfriend, I wish I was home. I'm sick, my throat hurts, I feel trapped, I have too much crap to know what to do with and there's no room for it. I hate college right now. I don't see why people like it or why they keep going. I think I made a mistake by coming here, nothing is going right. I can't even eat when I want, I have to wait until a certain time or walk 2 miles. I'm tired and need to study but really don't want to. Why am I the one who is always getting screwed over? I want to throw my brand new 2700 dollar computer out the window because it's a piece of crap. I'm not even sure I should be at college. I'm incredibly stupid, I don't see how I got accepted here. I have the worst memory in the world which should help me out a whole lot here. I'm hungry but oops, there's nowhere to get food. I feel like crying all day for so many reasons. I wish I could be happy like everyone else. I'm tired and am going to bed.

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I am really enjoying myself to a certain point here at UT. I already am homesick and miss my friends and family. I am having a tough time adjusting to life around here. I just got out of Biology class where my teacher barely speaks English. I know I don't like that class, and really dislike the teacher's methods of teaching. I just know I am really going to have to be on my toes in that class. I am meeting new people here which I hardly ever did back home. I still need to make more friends. I already have feelings of loneliness just because I don't have the support here that I do in Dallas. I hope that changes soon. My time at UT may change from four years to one semester if things do not start to look up. Everyone keeps telling me to stick it out and do my best, but I am not even sure I want to be here. Austin is nice, I know that. However, since I don't know anyone, Dallas is better to me. I know my way around there and have a car and know what things I can do around there as far as entertainment. It's a rough adjustment that I will have to deal with, either now or later. That is the only thing keeping me here. I did meet a girl down here that I knew back home but have no idea what to think about that at the moment. I'd like to think that means something, at least meeting her was a big step in branching out, I guess. I dislike my roommate. He spends every minute of life on his computer. He was up last night until 2:00AM while I am trying to sleep. Jester rooms stay pretty lit with one light on so it was hard to sleep. The guy is just hard to live with, yet he never talks unless I talk to him. His friends call the room all the time, including up to 1:00AM, and stop by the room at again 1:00AM. It ticks me off but what am I going to do? I talked to one of my friends back home last night. He has decided to go back to high school and try to finish. He should have graduated last year but dropped out twice in the same year. He has ruined his life with drugs, but at least he is trying to restart. Man twenty minutes is a long time to write As far as my classes go for college, I know I hate Biology. That is definitely my worst subject. I really don't know what to think about psychology. My grades were not that good in high school in psych but I still remember a little of what I was taught. Mythology looks like it could be fun but I have only been to class twice. I have my teaching class tonight so I'll see how that goes. As far as I know, there are few guys in the class. That could be good or bad. Well that's the end of twenty minutes so I'll see how the rest of this class is before I decide if I like it. I do like the writing assignments so far. Hopefully, that will continue.

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Its really cool being able to see all of my friends and hang out. Yet, I feel like I'm somewhat out of place. It was really strange coming home yesterday. As soon as we came into town, it felt like I was in some kind of mirage. It was like I was dreaming and it still feels that way. I really need to do a lot of homework but I don't think I'm going to get a whole lot done, considering the circumstances. I went to our high school football game last night. Wow, was that strange. I saw some old friends and it just felt so strange. Its going to be even worse going back, because now that I've seen everybody I somewhat want to stay. But, on the other hand I need to go back, have to go back, and I do want to go back. I've met people and I still want to meet more people. I've had a lot of fun down there, and so I want to go back. I have too much homework now. Uhhh, that sucks. Well, the UT football game is on and they're already losing! I guess it is UCLA, but come on guys. Oh well, I guess I'm supposed to be talking about my college experience. So, anyway, I don't know, I'm getting adjusted pretty well to the university. I love the campus. Absolutely, love it. The buildings, especially in the six pack, and with the view of the capital and the tower is just amazing. I'm from Dallas and the Austin area is just so much nicer and I feel so much safer. There's not a lot of places like that up here, but it seems like everywhere in Austin is like that. I've been down to the river, and it its so much better than our river up here, the Trinity. And the lakes in Austin are so clean and nice. Plus, there's so much to do. Which, is also somewhat of a bad thing, since its harder to get my work done with so much going on. Something that does seem really weird is that I can actually study better in my dorm room than I could in my own room here at home. I guess because I realize that in college, I'm paying for my education, so I'm taking it a lot more serious. I can't screw around now, and I actually do find myself wanting to learn. Surprise! I actually sit in class and listen to the professor. I have a lot more respect for the teachers down here because I know that they know what they're talking about and I want to learn more. The whole is experience is so much different and better than high school, in my opinion. Coming back home, and seeing friends still in high school; I feel sorry for them. High school was fun and all, but college is fun, and I feel I'm getting a quality education. Plus, in high school, there's way too many people who just don't want to be there. And they have to act so stupid for some reason, and it was just extremely annoying. In college, everyone who's there is there because they want to be there. So, they're aren't people who just want to cause trouble and act stupid all the time. Food. What is the deal with the food at Jester? I mean some of its good, but the main course is always terrible. Its cold and looks like something has infested it. But, to be fair, there is some good food, every once in a while. Home food. Now, there's a big difference. Mmm. Got to love it. That's got to be the best thing about coming home, at least one of them. Also, not having to worry about money is a great thing. I'm getting along great with my roommate. I had heard about all of these horror stories about roommates, so I was a little worried at first. But, I usually get along with most everybody, so I figured it would probably be ok. And it was. He's normal and listens to the same music as me. We're getting to be pretty good friends. The only thing I'm worried about now is the tests. Everyone keeps telling me that no matter how much I study some times I'll still fail. That worries me. I would like to think that if I know the material then I would pass the test. And so far, I really haven't had that much homework to do. I have had to read a lot, but I haven't had much writing work to do. I think I'm running out of things to talk about, or rather, think about. But, well, its been twenty minutes, and I guess I understand what this was all about. Plus, the UT game is on, and hopefully we can somehow, with the grace of God, pull off a win. I think that may be impossible though, so maybe then we can get some kind of close loss. Man, we are getting killed. Oh well, next week we get to play Kansas St. ! And they're only like, what, 5th in the nation. That's not so great right? Out defense just plain sucks. I mean, I don't think I've ever seen such bad plays as what I'm seeing right now. But, hey, we've got Ricky though, so maybe he can pull off some kind of miracle. Yeah, its going to be one of those games that goes down in history because we came back and won. There, that's positive thinking. I think that's what the team needs the most. And if football can't do that great, we've still got some other great athletes in some other great sports. That's the great thing about UT, we've got so many sports that something's got to be good. And I love how there's like an organization for everyone, so that everybody fits in. The organizations are great because they make you feel more at home. You're able to be with people that you feel comfortable with. Ok, its been like way past twenty minutes so I guess I'm through. Uh, bye, I guess.

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This writing assignment seems a little silly. I mean I'm probably going to spend the first 10 minutes of this thinking about the actual assignment and that doesn't seem very interesting. Actually I'm already thinking about something else. I can't wait for Austin City Limits. We keep forgetting to buy tickets, I need to write that down. I highly doubt it will sell out but I want to hurry up and buy them. Jack Johnson is so good. I can't wait to see him. We definitely need more decorations in our room. Fifty percent of our walls are still blank and its sort of depressing. Maybe that poster sale is still going on. Maybe I'll have my mom send some of my posters from home. I need to remember to call my mom later. I wonder if she misses me a lot. Oh god, it's only been 3 minutes. This is getting a bit boring. I really hope surprising Brian was a good idea. I just hope Doug doesn't give it away. Hell, I hope I don't give it away! I wonder if I'm doing this assignment right. oh well Pennebaker said himself that no one was probably going to read it. I need to do some calculus after this. I'm so pumped I actually understood it today Hopefully it'll stay like this. I'm so worried about the tests in that class. Ill be so pissed if that class brings down my grade. damnit I keep hitting something that makes the cursor jump lines its so annoying. I just love Jack's voice, its so soothing. Its hard to write as you think. My thoughts are moving faster than my fingers. I hope the other surveys I do online aren't as stupid as the one I just did. I'm happy I guess, though, that it was so hard to name things I was dissatisfied with in my life. I couldn't even think of ten. I made up half of them. well not exactly made up but they weren't things I was actually stressing over. Was that even close to being grammatically correct? 7 minutes 30 seconds. ahhh I hope this weekend is fun. I'm looking at the football stadium out my window. I'm excited for my first UT football game ever. It better be good. I hope our seats are good. I wonder what Kelly's sister will be like. hopefully fun and easy to talk to. I hope I meet a lot of people at the meeting I'm going to tonight. Hopefully guys to be exact. Although I bet its going to be a lot of chicks since its the university democrats. I hope not everyone is a hippie/chip on their shoulder/ socialist type. I mean I hope they're intelligent and not just the "being different for the sake of being different type" 10 minutes. half way there Yay! I'm really worried about Laura I hope she finds her dream job soon. I hate seeing her depressed because I know she is but she doesn't talk about it. I hope her and dell are working out. he can be so oblivious sometimes. Aren't most guys? My first instinct is to treat this like an essay and explain who I am talking about but I don't think this is supposed to be like an essay. What the hell would a shrink get from reading this crap? It can't be very interesting to anyone else. I need to go DVD shopping, our DVD collection is seriously lacking. I hope raising our beds isn't that hard. we definitely need a change in our room. I think I want another bowl of lucky charms but I suppose I should finish this thing first. 4. 99 for a box of lucky charms! what a rip. I guess I should have know Cypress would be like that. I should ask Kelly if she wants to go to the grocery store tomorrow. It sucks not having a car down here. I miss my jeep. Its going to feel weird to drive when I get home. I can't freaking wait!! 6 more minutes. I guess its going pretty fast. This thing just seems like a waste of time but I guess it must have some purpose if we have to do it. I actually need to finish reading for this class. can't forget to do that. wow looking at what I've wrote my thoughts seem pretty disorganized. Hmm what does that say about me? I think being a therapist would suck. I wouldn't be able to listen to depressed people whine all day long. wow that sounded terrible. But I suppose its true. Maybe I'm just not patient enough 4 minutes I need to figure out how my scanner works. I need to take pictures so I can send them to my family. my fingers are starting to get tired. I've typed a lot. I still haven't found light bulbs for my stupid Ikea lamp. Maybe we can go to target tonight I think my punctuation and spelling as gotten worse as I went along. oh well. I think he said that we don't need any of that. 2 minutes Thinking about my thoughts is hard, I'm like freezing up. I wonder what would happen if I hit the finish button now. I'm not going to try it because after all of this I want my credit for this assignment! I wish I was disciplined (spelling??) enough to keep a journal. It would be fun to go back and read stuff like 5 years later. I always start it and never pick it up again. I wonder what that says about me? I'm busy. ohhhh 50 seconds! I wonder what the FBA meeting will be like. hopefully nice people will be there I wonder how much of a commitment it is. hopefully

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13

I'm doing this writing assignment and I hope I do it right so I don't fail the class. I wonder what that noise is in the room beside me. I think it is a telephone that someone needs to answer. Now they left it off the line and it is beeping continuously. Now it stopped. My hands are so freezing. I think this is the coldest room in the entire dorm. I wonder if my roommate is swimming yet. I hope she is because that means that I can swim at Gregory as well. I have so much homework to do and the teachers assign so much reading to do. It's almost impossible to get it all done and have time for any type of social life. plus my family and friends are demanding my time so much that I feel like I am going to explode and I don't want to tell them this because I know it would hurt their feelings then I would feel guilty and I hate to feel guilty. My back hurts from walking so far with that heavy backpack on my back. This campus is so huge that you have to walk like miles just to get where you're going or at least it seems that way. I wonder how I will fit everything in that I want to do tomorrow. I know I need to spend time with my sorority and I need to see my mom tomorrow before she leaves and I have to get all of my reading done for next week. Boy, I didn't realize how worried I actually get until actually having to type my thoughts down no wonder I can't ever sit still I feel like I have to constantly be doing something or I will fail someone else or myself. Just writing this right now makes me want to cry. I hope my dad is okay at home he really needs to stop working so much in the heat. I wish I had gotten closer with him before I moved but he didn't make too much of an effort either but still I guess I could have made the first step. But it seems like we just don't ever have anything to talk about. I know he's proud of me I can see that when he cries when he is proud of one of my accomplishments. I just feel so guilty for not talking to him more. I hope he doesn't think I don't love him or care about him. I wonder if my mom is getting along with Belle tonight I hope she isn't being rude. So many people are rude to Mom and I hope she knows that when I'm rude to her I don't mean to be and I try to be the nicest one to her. So many people take her for advantage I hope she comes out of her surgery well next week I don't know what I would ever do if I didn't have her. I feel that way about my mom and my dad well actually a lot of people. I just hope everyone I know will last longer than me so I won't have to say goodbye but then if that happened, I wouldn't be here much longer I guess they should go first because they're older but I just don't wish death upon anyone. Sometimes when I really hate people like Erin, I really think I want them to disappear but then I think of their families and even though I don't care about the girl, her family never did anything to me so why should I wish her dead? Goodness I'm going into some really embarrassing things. I hope whoever reads this doesn't think I'm psycho or something. I'm not or I don't think I am I guess people with problems don't realize they have those problems. My shoulder is really aching from typing. it's the same shoulder that always hurts though. I wonder if I have a bone spur or something. My hands are so cold it feels impossible to type. I wonder if the psychology department is going to use these writings for some kind of experiment or something. I wonder how much time I have left. Oh, I'm through! I hope I did this right!

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17

I had just returned from other interesting dinner experience at my frat house when I realized that I was just wasting time as usual. So I decided I'd turn on the old computer and do a little stream of consciousness writing. I'm sitting down at my knew desk, that to tell you the truth, has done me no good except for a good place to put my computer. My roommate, an old friend I've know throughout my life is out doing his fraternity B. S. and probably won't be back until twelve. This I really do think is funny because coming into school I was completely busy from day one, while he just sat on his beanbag chair and watched t. v. To tell you the truth all I really care about any more is the amount of time I get to spend sitting in my beanbag chair watching t. v. Although it's not really as fun as it may seem, because while sitting in the beanbag chair the only thing on your mind is when you're going to have to get up and go do stuff. I realized today in class that when one begins to get about half the amount of sleep that he used to get it does become a little bit irritating and depressing. All I can think about is when I can rest may days have turned from full productive days with good night sleeps over the summer to half ass, sit around and make up excuse my I shouldn't leave the room so I can get some sleep worthless days. I'm pretty sure that last sentence made absolutely no sense, so on that last thought I think I'm going to leave the room for the umpteenth time today and go do things that I really wish I could accomplish by getting into bed and closing my eyes.

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12

Ummm this is sorta weird. I think its odd that we have to write for 20 minutes about what is going through are heads. I know that sometimes I don't know that I am thinking about something. but I am sure that it is happening. Like when I exercise. I normally don't think about any thing? Or am I? Great now everytime I exercise I am going to think about what I am thinking about and that is going to take away from the effort I put into my workouts. Damm. I should have stayed at the gym longer today. 30 minutes of cardio is not enough. I was not as tired as a seemed. I could be there right now, still burning calories away on the weights or cardio. Are we supposed to go back and read this for mistakes or just submit it because I keep rereading what I wrote that doesn't seem like what we are supposed to be doing. Oh well, I'm a horrible typer. Uhhhhhhh that shower felt good a bit ago but I wish that I had brushed my hair before I decided to start typing. its hanging all around my face and its annoying. Wonder what the meeting is going to be like tonight. I wonder how much different it will be then Crew. Do I really want to get involved in rowing again? Yes. Do I want to do it with a team? Yes. Why because I push myself harder but I also get tired easier. Grades are important. But so is having fun. Rowing = fun. Women's rowing. supposedly they pay for it all, all the costs. What if they don't? Then I can't be on it, that will suck, then I will be sad and then I will have to do something else. But all the other organizations suck. I don't want to be with a bunch of stupid snotty girls in some lame sorority. I work for my money and pay for my car and cloths and food. Those girls whose parents pay for everything suck. I wish my parents could afford to pay 2000 a semester for me to be in something like that but no because I am a normal college student. Man rich people make me mad. I am never going to be rich. I have to do rowing I have to. ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm that was exciting. stupid sorority girls I am glad I punched hilary in the face. I really hope she has a huge bruise on her jaw. But I shoulda stayed there and let her take a swing at me instead of walking away like a little pussy. Naw, there was too many guys around there is no way that they would have let me hit her again. Especially after how hard I hit her the first time. I wish she had taken a swing at me though. That would have been exciting. I could tell everyone that I got in a fight with a girl. Not like I am trying to fight with people or anything. But she had no right to write that shit on my sisters shirt and tif was just going to take it. man if I was in tifs spot and hilary had written that on my shirt I would have had someone immediately tell me what it said I would have hunted her down in the party and whooped her so bad. but because tif isn't like me I had to do it instead. That makes no sense. It sucks having a twin. Wait it doesn't suck but I don't understand. Why did I get so mad about that. Would I have done that if hilary had written that on Audreys shirt? Probably not. Interesting. Ohhhhhh psychology could make an interesting case study out of me right now. Haha twins. why are people so interested in studying us. We are two separate people. Can't they understand that. I am glad that I didn't participate in that testing they wanted us to do last year. No way are you going to get me to sit in a sound proof room by myself with wires attached to my head, by myself for 1 hour. HA. You would have to pay me more then 40 to do that. And then they wanted me to answer a set of personal and non personal questions about myself. ohh they would remain confidential. So I don't want ANYBODY knowing about my sex life, drug use or problems or things I do to stay happy and be fit. That is my business. Man. and then they want to compare all my information to my sisters. the good twin and try to make me look bad. I can see it in the journal article now. 'A study at the university of texas reveals that twins have opposite personalities. If one had used drugs in the past this proves that. blah blah blah if one is fatter this means. blah blah blah. Erhhhhh I am not sure exactly how much I am going to like this class since it has to do with studying stuff like that. Man I am worried now about what I just wrote everything is so negative and m,ean. I am really not like that I am not in a bad mood either . it just feels like since we have to write this is all the stuff that I have been thinking about when FORCCED to write. I don't always think as mush as I have in the past 20 minutes. great almost done 30 seconds left. I am going to type really slow now just to finish. 20. glad I'm done

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17

I can overhear the sound of my roommate watching television. Right now he is watching sesame street, it is a pretty funny show to watch for a little while every now and then. The muppet characters are quite ridiculous. I am kind of hungry, perhaps I can cook some bagel bites after I am done with this writing assignment. Last night I went shopping at target to get items for my dorm room. Me and my roommate ended up spending a ton of money, but everything we got is going to be very useful over the next few months living in the dorm. Today has been a very relaxing day, as I have no classes on thursday. The program on television just changed to Barney and Friends, they are singing the song The noble duke of york", I remember this song from my youth, my mom used to sing it to me when I was young. I had forgotten the song until just now when Barney reminded me of how the song goes. Damn, I just finished my Dr. Pepper, and there are no more in the refrigerator. I guess I'll have to put more in when I'm done with this. Children's programming is so ridiculous, it seems like they aren't trying to teach the kids at all but rather try to impress certain things on them. Well my roommate just turned of the TV so no more children's programming for me I guess. Now I am listening to Tomahawk, a very good band, I went to a show of theirs a while ago, it was the best concert I've ever seen. It was them playing with the Melvins and Dalek. I think Dalek is playing sometime in Austin soon, I want to go see that show too. Dalek was alright but not nearly as awesome as Tomahawk or The Melvins. I feel kind of hot, we need to get another fan for our room. I bought this printer a few days ago from the campus computer store and it didn't come with a USB cable, so I couldn't hook it up to my computer. What is the point in having a printer if you can't plug it into anything? So I had to go back to the store and buy another cable. The campus computer store really pisses me off with their horrible service. I was thinking about how a person blind from birth could have no comprehension of sight. I think it would be cool to make a movie about this concept. Too bad I don't have the means of making a movie. I think I could make some really interesting movies if given the opportunity. But I am sure most people think the exact same thing, everyone thinks their own ideas are the greatest ever. This led me to wonder if there are other sense which are superior to sight which are just as hard for us to comprehend as sight would be to someone who has never seen. Wow Tomahawk is really good band, I hadn't listened to their new cd in a long time and now that I am listening to it again I remember how much I like them. I wish I had more confidence in myself. I have no real reason to lack confidence, I want to be more confident but it seems everytime I am put in a situation where I would need to display confidence I choke. It seems like it is my body's natural reaction to get nervous. My brain sees no logical reason to be nervous yet my body makes me choke up, its very frustrating. Oh well, its not that big a deal, I think my confidence has improved greatly over time. El cordobes: ameniza el espectaculo una brillante banda de musica.

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I hate escalators. Don't know why. I've always just hated them. Or maybe I'm afraid of them too. My right foot feels really numb. And not Comfortably Numb like that Pink Floyd song. Just numb. Pink Floyds OK, somewhere up there with Verve Pipe and Nirvana. There's this guy lousing back on the lobby across from me. He's wearing a fedora that's covering his eyes. He looks cool. Fedoras are cool. I wonder why guys stopped wearing them. I mean they look cool, especially in those old film-noir movies like The Big Sleep. I have no freakin' idea what that movie was about. The plot kept jumping like some kind of a grasshoper but it was OK. Some girls next to me are chattering/giggling. I hate it when people giggle that way. Its annoying. I hope I don't giggle that way then I'd be annoyed with myself. I wonder what it would be like to be somebody else. I mean what if I was the guy resting back on that couch? Would I be the same person in someonelse's body? Or someone different. I wonder if a different body makes you be different. I wish I had my CD player with me. Life sucks without it. Then again, it'll suck either way so I guess the CD player doesn't make much of a difference. I'm humming the tune to Something Stupid. Cute song. Though what the hell was up with Sinatra singing that with his daughter? Freak. But he's a cool freak. The weather here is always so damn sunny. I don't like sunny weather, it gives me a sun burn. I like it when the sky's all grayscale and it looks like its about to splatter down light rain. That's my kind of scenery. Always has been. Don't know why. I'm yawning now, even though I'm not all that tired. I wonder what the girl next to me is thinking. She looks like she's in really deep thought. Maybe she's thinking about lunch. No, lunch is over. Dinner. Yeah, maybe she's thinking about dinner. I can't wait until this week is over. What time is it? There's never a clock when I need one. Life's inconveniences. I'm looking at my wrist, at my nonexistant watch wondering what time is it. Hope I'm not late to class. Then again I was early to class the other day because I had my watch on upside down. My nails are too big, I need to cut them before I get a hangnail or something. My foots still numb, I wish the bloody thing would wake up since I've got a class to get to. I miss my friends back home. Hell I even miss my paranoid, stark-raving-lunatic of a mother. How pathedic. . I need a new pinky ring, this ones all rusty and broken down but I'm too attached to it. Its like one of those mothers that knows they have an ugly baby but love it anyway. Hey fedora-guy just woke up. Yeah, he's stretching his legs now. I wonder if my leg will ever move now. I wonder why people can't fly. I mean who wants cars and airplanes/jets when you can fly? That would be cool. I wish I could fly. But I wouldn't want wings, those would be too annoying to take care of. I also wish I could play the piano. But I guess desire never equals talent. Reminds me of Saliaree. Amadeus was a great movie. Great story. Fedora-dude is gone now, some other guy has taken his seat. He's not wearing a hat, but its OK. This guy's got long eye-lashes and a pointy nose. Pretty cool. I wonder if someday I'll wake up and everything was just one big nightmare. That would be great. I could start over. But knowing my luck, I'd just make the same mistakes.

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30

You know, when typing on a computer, twenty minutes is a long time. Figuring a person types 60 to 80 words per minutes, they will be typing between 1200 words and 1600 words per minute. I wonder if this assignment would be more effective if the students had to write it in pen, so that you could also see how they changed their mind. I know that I have already erased and retyped. I don't mean that I have taken the stream of consciousness out of it, just that I will change my mind on how I want to phrase things. I want this to make sense to any poor, unfortunate person who has to read this thing, and sometimes I takes me a while figure out a way to phrase thing that will accurately get the message of what I am trying to express across. Okay, I have managed to confuse myself with this stuff that I am saying. Somehow I don't consider it to be a good sign when I can confuse myself with something that I am thinking. It's too bad that I type faster than I think b/c right now I can even get all of my thoughts down. Wow, it finally put me on another line! I don't have any idea what time I actually started typing. I remember looking at the clock at 5:13, but I was already typing then. I guess that I will just count that as my starting time, I am guessing that it really doesn't matter how long I write. Back to the confusing myself thing. you know, I have a habit of confusing myself. I will ask myself questions or think about ideas which really are lacking in logic, or else they have a strange logic. For example, at my high school, I am famous for my opinions about being normal. I once told my friend that I was the only normal person, and that the rest of them were all abnormal. Having said this, I realize that if I am the only normal person, that would make it abnormal to be normal, and normal to be abnormal. This would mean that although I was the only normal person in the group, I was really abnormal b/c it is normal to be abnormal and abnormal to be normal. At first this appears to make no sense, but once you think about it for a while, it starts to make perfect sense, at least to me anyway. And those people who have been blessed enough to hear this theory get it eventually. I have no idea if I am supposed to be writing this thing as if I was talking to someone, but that is really the only way that I can write it. I am used to writing emails a lot like this, and I have a tendency to talk like this too. I will say, or write whatever is on my mind. This results in a lack of sentences in my emails. I separate the thoughts with little dots. everything is in sentence fragments. I just write what I am thinking at the time. That is why I was so happy about this assignment, imagine, I am getting a grade for doing something that I do all the time! But then again, it's not like the people I write to hate my emails. In fact, most of them love my emails. My boyfriend, Justin, always tells me how much he loves my emails. And lately, I have noticed that I have been influencing people with the way I write. More and more of my friends have started writing very stream of consciousness emails to me. I like them though, b/c I think that they give a greater insight into how a person if feeling and what they are thinking. I am a terrible speller, and a bad typer too. I can type really fast, but I am not high on the accuracy. Sometimes I do really great, but other times, well. it's embarrassing. I think that in college I am gonna major in typos and creative spelling! I haven't eaten anything today. It is 5:26 now. I guess after I finish this I will go back to the dorm room and then I will go eat dinner. Or maybe I won't. I am not really that hungry but I feel bad about wasting meal tickets. Last week I didn't eat anywhere near the two meals a day that we bought. I might just go and eat some yogurt that I have in the fridge. The advantage to not eating, and then getting all this extra exercise walking around this school, is that it will help me get in shape. This is ridiculous, it has been 15 minutes and I am only on the [now] fifth line! You know, I don't like typing. I think that I am a candidate for carpal tunnel. I am exaggerating a bit, but my hands get tired quickly from typing. I think that I strain them b/c the table is too high and therefore I am resting my hands on the keyboard too much. I just moved the keyboard to my lap and that actually helps. I am a semi computer nerd. I know about software, and how to use the web. However, I am not a hacker, and my knowledge of hardware is not the best. maybe average. I can build my own computer, or do anything illegal. but put a program in front of me, and I will either know how to use it, or else I will figure out how to use it fairly quickly. I am glad that this about finished. It is actually tiring trying to keep up with what I am thinking. I just finished psych class and so I decided to stop at the pcl library and do this before I forget. I meant to do these assignments this weekend, but I forgot. actually, I just didn't get time. My best friends online boyfriend came to Houston this weekend, and I am friends with him too, so I wanted to meet him also. He flew in from Anderson CA. quite far. We had never met him before now. He is really nice too, only. he is a bit inappropriate acting, in that he was feeling me, and he even French kissed me. he felt on Amber (my friend) too, and kissed her more. but the point is, his hands should only be up one person's shirt. and that is Amber, not me! I hope that this won't really get published b/c this stuff about Giovanni is not something that I want everyone to find out about. He was still really nice, and I liked him. just not romantically. I guess maybe he is just like that. I did tell Amber about what happened. I needed to, if she didn't mind(which, for some reason, she didn't), then it's all good. well, 'cept that I don't want him to kiss me, or feel up my shirt or in my overalls. That is why I won't let him do it again. however, I don't know when or if I will see him again, so it may never come up. Anyway, time is up, so I am gonna submit this thing, and hike it back to the dorm. actually the dorm isn't too far! I might sit outside and read the paper before going back though. It will depend on how I feel. Okay, here it is. hope it was helpful, or served the purpose it was supposed to.

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5

I am very attached to her and am having trouble dealing with her not being with me 24/7. We have dated for almost a year and a half and I don't want to date other people, yet I need someone that is physically with me that I can become close to. I call her all the time and it seemed that nothing has changed in our relationship after being with each other this weekend, yet at the same time as much as I want to see her as much as possible, I have so much trouble saying goodbye to her and letting her go that I sometimes think that it is not worth even seeing her. I knew long distance relationships would be hard, but I didn't realize how tough it would be mentally as opposed to physically grueling. We both don't want to date, yet we will have to get used to the fact of not being able to see each other but 1 or 2 times a month for the next 4 years. I am confused and I was told in the first place not to get myself in this position of having a long distance relationship, but we started dating the summer before senior year and I didn't know it would last this long at the time. On one hand I wish I never met her so everything would be easier, but on the same token she is the person closest to me and besides being my girlfriend, she is my best friend. I know if it was meant to be, then it will work out, but for now I don't know what to do.

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11

Right now I'm sitting here at the computer wondering what I'm going to type for the next 20 minutes. There is someone outside in the apartment complex fumbling with their keys, perhaps trying to open their door. My computer is making some noise, and the apartment is really quiet so it seems very loud. I keep on making typing errors which is getting very annoying! There is a lot of stuff on my desk, I need to clear it off. I also need to clean up the kitchen cause there are lots of dishes that were left there last night when a couple of my friends came over last night. I forgot to get batteries for my walkman at the store yesterday too. I need to study for chemistry because I have a quiz in there at 12:30. I tried to last night, but I kept on getting distracted. I don't feel like doing this right now. I want to go to sleep. I just got back from calculus, which was an 8:00 class, and all I want to do is sleep. By the time I get the chance to, it will be time to leave again. I can't think of anything to type. I want to light a candle. I have a lot of time left and I still need to write. I'm not sure what about though. This weekend I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I guess I'll have fun. I did last weekend. I need to do some reading for my classes, and I can't wait until this day is over because my weekend can begin due to the fact that I don't have any classes on Friday. Right now I am thinking about different things we can plan for my best friend's surprise birthday in Houston. We plan to have a party here for her too, but the one in Houston will be a surprise because she has no idea that me and Dag are planning it. Next weekend I am going to the UT Houston game and then right after that I plan on going home because the 24th is my Dad's birthday and the 21st is my brother's birthday. That will be a busy weekend. The following one is my friend's birthday. My computer is still making some annoying noise. I can't think of anything to type. I have 10 minutes left of typing. Hopefully I can come up with something for these remaining 10 minutes. I'm glad my apartment is on the 2nd floor because I noticed that yesterday when it rained that one of the apartments on the floor below had a puddle of water right in front of the door. That would be very annoying to deal with, if I lived there! So I'm glad I don't. Yesterday there was a lot of traffic. Today I get out of school at 3:30 and I have a trig review class at 5:30. I wish I didn't have to go, but I get extra credit for my calculus class, which I figure I will need. I need to balance my checkbook. I think I'll do that when I finish typing this. I'm going to listen to some CD's when I finish this too. I don't feel like studying, and I guess I'll have to figure out what to have for lunch. I wonder if the water filter we got makes the water taste different, I'll have to check that out in a minute. My desk is really cluttered, I need to get some envelopes and stamps, and mail those thank you letters that I keep on forgetting about. Well, I have a lot more stuff to do than I thought! It's driving me crazy that I keep on making so many typos, I never have this problem. Wow, I've finally written enough to start scrolling on the page! That's kind a cool. I thought that a I would have written more in 20 minutes though. I guess not. Surprisingly the time went by very quickly, I didn't think that it would. I guess in a minute I will log on so that I can get on to the psychology website and send this in.

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Twenty minutes seems like a long time. It amazes me how weird time is. Like when you're sitting in a plane waiting to get off and it seems like hours, but it's only minutes. I spend alot of time on planes. My dad is a pilot. I fly free. I don't know what I will do after college, because then I don't fly free anymore. I won't be able to go anywhere whenever. My roommate is in the shower. She has a sorority thing tonight. I'm not in a sorority. I'm glad, it's not the place for me. A guy died in my hometown last weekend. I t was strange, because my roommate had just commented on deaths happening in threes, and Mother Theresa and Princess Diana had just died. I didn't know the guy at all, but still, that could have been anyone. I think about that a lot. Death. Like what if someone died that I knew, but I had never told them what they mean to me. That's selfish, I know, but that's what we are, we're selfish. We as in humans. A friend of mine in my psych class knew the guy who died. I like country music, but most people don't. I just started liking it last year, because my boyfriend at the time got me hooked on it. My back hurts. I like to rub people's backs. I wish someone was here to rub mine. Tonight I'll be alone in the dorm. I like that sometimes everyone just gets on your nerves. My roommate and I knew each other in high school. We have gotten along amazingly well so far. Knock on wood. I have never been in a car accident, when I was driving. My brother messed up his knee in a car accident. I like this song. He had to have his ACL ligament redone. He can be such a baby. I think men have an amazingly low pain tolerance. I really think that they just aren't as well equipped for pain. That's just a personal opinion. I give lots of personal opinions. People tell me I'm opinionated. I don't like people who can't discuss their opinions and thoughts. It's important to be able to communicate. I'm a speech major. My undergrad advisor is great. I met him at orientation, and I love him. He tells you exactly what he thinks and that is so important. I don't like this song. It's one of those depressing love songs that is so typical of country. I wonder if I'll get married. I think I want to, but not kids. I do not want kids. That's another one of my opinions. How can we bring a child into this world? So then people ask me if I wish I hadn't been born. Two completely different concepts. Anyway, I'm gonna call my Aunt Holly. She is like a second mother to me. I live my mother. She really is my lifeline. That's a scary thought, like could I survive without her? Of course, she raised my to be a survivor. I love basketball. My mom and I watch games together all the time. The Rockets are my favorite team. I also like Dennis Rodman. But I hat e the bulls. Rodman always says what he is thinking. Some people think he's a little tooo crazy, but I love it. H breaks the mold. That's commendable in my book. I miss my cousins. One of them is a big basketball fan. He and I always talk basketball. I'm almost done, twenty minutes did not take as long as I thought it would. I really like this song. I'm finished!!

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18

Right now I am listening to a great song. It is a song by Bob Dylan called HUrrincane. I really like and it is a true story. Bob Dylan is probably my favorite artist of all time. He is an amazing songwriter. And i love how he can play harmonica and guitar at the same time. I realize other people can probably do this but I just love to listen to Bob Dylan. In this song Hurricane he tells the story of a boxer named Rubin Carter who is framed for a crime he did not commit. His lyrics are really great because he plays with his rhyming and his rythm changes a lot too. I have seen Bob Dylan perform in three different cities. The best one was in Austin. I think Austin is just a great city in general. That is one of the main reasons I wanted to go to UT. I really liked the idea of living in Austin. And now that I am here it is working out really well. The school is huge but it is a very friendly, very beautiful campus. I am always surprised by how many people I run into in the course of a day. Sometimes I hadnt even known that the person went to Ut or even that they were in Austin. Yesterday when I was eating I saw a guy that I had no seen since eighth grade. He recognized me right away and said his name so that I would remember him. It was amazing that he recognized me froms so long ago. I thought that was really cool. And I love UT because there are so many interesting classes to take. I never thought I would be able to take a whole class devoted to classical mythology. I have learned a little about mythology in other classes but now I have a whole class for it. It is really fun to read about all the deities and gods and demigods in different types of myths. My roommate right now has a sociology class about juvenile delinquency. I think that is also very interesting. She is reading her textbook right now. My roommate is cool. I got very lucky with the pot luck assignment. Shes from San Antonio and her mom is a judge. Yesterday I met her mom and she is very nice too. She took us out to a really great Chinese restaraunt. It was one of my first non Jester meals since I've been here. I don't mind the food at Jester. Some people complain that Jester is gross but I really like it. The people on my floor are very friendly. Two girls across the hall always come over and hang out with us and its a lot of fun. I have lots of distractions from studying though so I have to be sure to try and concentrate and actually get my work done. There is just so much to do here. Tonight I am probably going to go to hear a singer play named Mike Nicolai. He is playing at Flipnotics. I have never been there but my brother tells me that it is cool. It is fun having an older brother go to the same school as you. He looks out for me. I sat with him at the footbasll gamme and it was really fun. I even got to go out on the field during halftime to help form the tunnel for the players. My very first UT game was a big success. The second half was very uneventful but overall I had a really good time. I don't usually watch a lot of football but I am excited about going to support the UT team. I even watched a girls soccer game the day after that. We beat Duke 2-1. It was pretty fun to watch. I love to play soccer but I have not been on an organized team since my freshman year. In high school I mainly played softball. But now that I am at UT I don't play that anymore. I am going to sign up for intra mural volleyball and possibly flag football. My roommate and I are going to try to be on the same team. It should be a lot of fun. It is coed so we got some guys to join our team from down the hall. When I was in eighth grade I played volleyball and I was a setter. I think that will be my job on this team as well. My favorite sport to watch is baseball. I like to follow the Houston Astros. My dad is a big fan so he has had season tickets to the Astros games for years. Now that there is a new stadium, our seats are really good. We sit right behind home plate and it is a great view of the game. Last time I watched one the Astros won. They have changed a lot of stuff about Astros baseball. They used to have cool rainbow uniforms and an alien guy for a mascot. But now the colors are navy blue and red or something like that. ANd the mascot is just some bunny thing. I like the old, vintage uniforms better. I wish I still had my old Astros tshirts because it is very hard to find that stuff now. I had a big poster of Orbit the old mascot.

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23

I'm just sitting on the computer. I miss my sister and family and I want to go home soon but I have so much homework to do and my first exam on Friday. I'm so scared bout the exam because I'm not at all good at science and I really want a good grade but don't really understand what's going on. and biology is so hard man I'm totally lost and the teacher goes so fast that I feel more lost. I don't know if ill ever get to fully catch up to where I'm supposed to be. I can't wait to relax this weekend though and go out with friends and just have fun because this week as been kind of stressful. I really want to meet some more indian people here so I can get to know more freshman and find a guy soon. I really don't need one but it be nice to have one. man I'm so full from eating. I don't think I can eat anything now for the whole day. but I'm getting so tired of Jester City Limit food. I'm really craving some indian food man I miss it so much. I really miss my little sister too and her hyper and cheerful self. she always brought a smile to my face. I really need to go study but I'm too lazy to get up now. I miss all my friends back in dallas and the only way I can talk to them is online so my room mate always makes fun of me because I'm always sitting on the computer. gosh shane is so mean to me man. I actually think I might like him but he lives in new york n that's too far but he is such a nice guy most of the time but can be such a punk. man its only like 10 minutes now I have to write for another 10 more. haha. I love psych class man n I think its really cool especially because I think its so interesting but it really sucks that I didn't pass the AP exam. chem class is cool because she does so many experiments but I wish I knew more of what was going on in there. man there are so many smart people in my class that I feel so dumb. I graduated #2 and was #1 for 3 yrs but feel so dumb here because so many people are so much smarter. I really want to get up and feel smart again like I did in high school. haha. wow its getting really cold in the room now but my room mate is always hot. she is weird. hehe. man I can't believe its already 930 I got so much to do. the days have gone by so fast since I got here! its flying by faster than I can even handle or take in man! I want to go to the study lounge later to meet up with all the new freshman but I know I won't get anything done if I do. but ill think ill go by anyway. hehe. man I really miss going to my orthodox church. the catholic one here is ok but I really miss my service. I think I'm getting home sick now but I love college life. my parents shelter me way to much and I didn't have much independence and that's what I love about college. I can make my own decisions but only problem is that its harder to discipline myself without them here and to actually do school work. hehe. alright well time is almost up now so I think I should stop writing. man I write a lot. and now its off to study. I don't feel like it but I guess I should. hehe. man I can't type properly anymore because of all the slang and abbreviations I use on the internet. haha. ugh guys really piss me off sometimes. they r so stupid and pick fights to make u feel bad then say they're just kidding. ughhh. anyways I should really go study now.

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30

I am so excited that I get to see my family this weekend. I never thought I would feel so home sick at college. I love my mother so much she has been through hell and back and still remains such a wonderful Christian mother. If I am half the mother she is to me when I have children I know I will be doing a great job. I am also really nervous about this presentation I have to do on Monday for my Media Studies class. Not only do I not know what to write about but I don't know how to prepare for it. Of course I got there late for my discussion group so I got the bottom of the barrell when signing up for a presentation topic and the only one left was for Monday. But that is so my luck. It makes me think that if I am nervous about giving this in front of my discussion group of maybe twenty people how am I going to make it in the communications field which is what I am majoring in at this point. I really want to work for MTV. I know many people must think of this as a childish fantasy, but it is really something I am serious about and want to persue. I just love everything about music. The artists there story, the songs story, and how they make people fell. I can't wait till I am done typing this because then I get to go play Crainum with my roomate and a couple of our friends from back home. I am such a competitive person which to me is a good thing because it makes me have more determination then most people. I am watching Will and Grace and they are talking about having a baby. Gosh I can't wait till that day. I think I must have orange cones around me though and a flashing message that tells guys don't talk to her! I swear they avoid me at all costs. What the heck is wrong with me. I think I might be a little intimidating because I don't play the role of a dumb girl who needs a guy to take care of her. Which I think I got that from my mother. She is a single mom, my father died when I was ten, who is a teacher and had to raise three children all by herself. She didn't need help from anyone and she never threw in the towel when times got hard. For that I respect and love her very much. God has blessed me with the best family I could have ever imaged. Not only my imidate family but everyone from my grandparents to aunts and uncles to cousins. All of them have played such an important part of my life and have thought me so much that I just want to go and hug all of them and say thanks for loving me it has given such strength. My grandparents are so great because they can always make me feel like a million bucks even when I am at my lowest. I think it is important to surround yourself with a close knit family. I don't know what I would do without mine. I am so glad I have my roomate and friends from back home here at UT. I probably won't have latest this long without them and there company. They all have such interesting stories that I had never know about them before. Most of my school went to Texas a and m which is exactly like my hometown. We all just needed something different and a place with a good sports team

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23

I've decided that I want to write for travel and leisure magazine. I love to write. I think I am pretty good at it too. My brother went back to Houston to interview for a job with a real estate agency. He want s to be a commercial realtor. No matter what my brother decides to do he will be really successful. I'm not saying that I am a psychic or anything like that, but I know how badly my brother wants to be successful, and when he wants something, he goes out and gets it. Brian and I have become much closer as I have gotten older. He is being so nice to me since I got to Austin too. I think he is realizing that I am not such a bad kid after all. He always tells me to be careful and look out for myself because he won't always be in Austin to take care of me. My brother and my dad look a lot alike too. my dad is really tall: Six feet seven inches tall to be exact. H played basketball in high school, but he wasn't good enough to play in college. I think that is why he always pushed my brother to play so much that he drove Brian away from the sport. I played field hockey in high school. If I didn't come to The University of Texas, I was going to try to play field hockey at a division one school. I'm really happy with the decision I made though. I am having so much fun here. I really miss my family, or, I guess you could say, lack thereof, in Houston. I miss my mom and my step-dad, and my dad. My brother told me that he was so much happier when he moved to Austin. I could tell too because he didn't come home very much his freshman year. I don't think my brother likes my mom very much because whenever he comes home, they fight. I think my brother is still bothered by the divorce. I never gave myself a chance to be bothered, so I think now that I am away from home and I have all of this time to think, the divorce is starting to bother me. I wonder what parent's weekend is going to be like. I guess I'll ask my brother what he did when both of our parent's showed up ready and willing to steal him from the other parent. I will just divide up the weekend: one parent gets me one night, and the other parent will get me the next night. What is sad, is that I want to get them the whole weekend: both parents on both nights. I hate it when my friends' parents are around because it makes me think of how I can't have my real family back together ever again. By the way, I have a terrible habit of feeling sorry for myself. Things could be so much worse. I feel really lucky to be able to attend college, live where I live, have both parents who love me, be blessed with so much athletic ability. I know I am lucky, but every now and again I like to play the victim. My boyfriend is the best friend I could ever have. He always wants me to feel like I can talk to him, but he never lets me make excuses for myself if you know what I mean. He always reminds me that everyone has their hardships, but those who choose to overcome their hardships instead of letting their hardships overcome them, those are the ones who end up being happy. Twenty minutes is up!

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14

My first reaction to this assignment was to just write that I felt nothing and perhaps continue writing that for 20 minutes; however, I am interested in where this is going. Right now my boyfriend is poking me as he displays how I can touch-type and he cannot. The other day, we went to go and buy fish. We drove around Austin I don't know how many times just looking for pet stores. We drove to Highlands Mall, Lakeline Mall, Petsmart, and Petco. I finally, after searching and carefully chosing, found fish that were supposed. It really upset me that out of the 4 fish that I bought, none of them adapted well in the fish tank environment I previously had. The sole fish that I possessed in that tank ate all of the food I would drop into the tank continuously. It really began to bother me when I saw him nipping at the other fish's tails. So, I took matters into my own hands and separated him from my new, smaller fish. I understand that these unpleasant changes were my own fault. I knew that I was supposed to introduce the new fish into that environment slower and in a certain, specific procedure. Well, I finally figured out that things wouldn't work out between my old fish and the new fish, so I eliminated the problem by flushing the big fish. I am really suprised that I did this because I am such a humanitarian. For example, whenever my other fish would die, I would get other people to remove them from the tank because I couldn't deal with the dead fish. I always felt as though they were looking at me. There is one instance where I did flush other live fish, but once again, it was for the good of the aquarium. I don't know, I think I have always had such a problem with death. It scares me, but it doesn't. For example, I used to work at a hospital in San Antonio, when I was a junior in high school. This is where I had my first real encounter with death. I never had to experience death in my family, in friends, or aquaintences. However, since then I have had to deal with it several times. I guess I take that back, I have had to deal with death one time before, but it was in eighth grade. I can't remember all the minute details of it, but it really brought me and one of my friends together. Anyhow, this hospital death experience really opened my eyes to the whole death scenario. And I know this sounds corney, but every single time I have had to deal with death since then, I have seen a little yellow butterfly. This spiritual experience has consistently happened to me on about 5 or 6 occasions. Well, my 20 minutes is up.

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well t. Today is Monday and this has been a really shitty day. This is my 5th time to turn in this assignment. Right now I am at my boyfriends house b/c my computer was as getting interrupted by the phone ringing. I did not know how to turn off the call waiting. So every time that I was going to turn in the assignment the phone would ring and I would have to start over. Well let's see I am from midland and I come from a family of 7. there are 3 boys and 2 girls. There names are Carla(25), Ian(23), Tony(20), Tina(me)(19), and then there is jimbo (18 Carla and Ian are my half brother and sister. There last name is Umlauf, there grandfather is Charles Umlauf a sculpturist who passed way not too long ago. Ian and Carla are both graduating in December. Ian is majoring in art, and Carla in Sociology. Carla is also getting married in May. Tony is the majoring in engineering. He is so sweet! Then there is me, a sophomore here at U. T. majoring in Elementary Education. My little brother is Jimbo, he is going to school in Florida in St. Augustine. He is playing baseball at Flagler University. I hope he does well. So all 5 of us are in college right now. Carla Ian Tony and me all go to school here at the university of Texas, and Jimbo in Florida. I have two roommates, they are cousins to each other. I lived with them last year at the dorm. Things are going okay I guess. They can get really annoying sometimes. I am glad that I have my own room so I don't always have to listen to them. Because they are cousins they tell each other anything. I mean that they will fight about anything. They will say things to each other that you normally would not say to a roommate, like you are being a bitch or that looks like shit on you. I don't know I just don't like listening to them all the time. They share a room and I have my own, thank god! I hope things will start settling down!

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8

I simply don't know where to start. Having a timer count down how long i have to type is kind of stressful for me. I feel like I have to rush to write enough for twenty minutes. But then, how would the teacher know if I really did type the whole twenty minutes? What if I was a naturally slow typer? However, I am a good typer, so I will have plenty of stuff to write. I just got back from my chemistry class, and we learned nothing new. I am surprised at how well I seem to be understanding everything in that class, considering the fact that my high school chemistry teacher was a nutcase. I am like my current chemistry teacher because she teaches things in a nice, normal way, unlike my previous teacher. I learned about the basics more today, like density and specific gravity and all the other good chemistry stuff. On the way back home, however, I learned that my flip flops were not the best type of shoes to walk a long time in because they gave me blisters on the tops of my feet. The plastic that goes into the foamy part of the shoe made a sharp angle and kept rubbing into my skin until it was raw. I am now in pain because I was not very careful when choosing the type of shoe to wear to class. Today was the first day since I arrived in Austin that I have worn shorts. I finally gave in and accepted the fact that it's just too hot here to keep wearing jeans all the time. I felt like I was being a slob because I wore a big t shirt and cotton shorts. I felt like I should be going to the gym instead of chemistry. When I got back home, I saw some people sunbathing in the pool. I wonder why anyone would want to sunbathe now when it is already so hot and sunny all the other days of the week. How odd. I'm relieved that it is Friday--the end of the week. I can now relax and enjoy myself with my friends. Today was also a good day because I finally got internet service, which is why I chose to do my assignment today. I find myself not capitalizing any of my letters that should be capitalized because on AOL instant messenger, I don't need to punctuate or capitalize very well or accurately. My sister just got a call from a friend, and I am wondering who is calling. I really want to know but I can't ask her because she is still talking. From hearing her talk, I think the caller is one of our friends who is in her philosophy class. I am feeling a little hungry right now becuase I ate lunch at noon, and it's been a while since I fed myself. I had a few cheese nips before I started, but I regret leaving them in the kitchen because now I can't eat as I type. Oh well, that's ok because if I did eat while I did this assignment, the keyboard would get all oily and I would not be very pleased with myself. I guess I should eat after finishing this assignment. I see that still have seven minutes to go, so what am I thinking right now? I still feel the pain in my foot from my stupid shoes. I am also excited because I get to hang out with my friends this evening. I might see a movie. Speaking of movies, I am planning on seeing the Robin Williams movie One Hour Photo next week with my friends. I am excited because Robing Williams is a good actor, and I enjoy most of his movies. I am kind of apprehensive because it is supposed to be a thriller or scary movie. I hear my printer printing my sister's assignment, and I'm getting annoyed at it because it's so loud. I am wondering why I bought this printer, knowing that it was loud. In the Consumer Reports, it said that the printer was good, but loud, but I bought it anyway because it was cheaper than the one that I was looking at. Maybe I shouldn't have gone the cheap way. Oh well, it's a little late now. What should I eat for dinner? I want to eat out, instead of cooking for myself because I am lazy and I don't want to make something. I want someone else to do the dirty work and me to enjoy the results. I can't wait until dinnertime, but I can't eat anymore because I have eaten too much already. I am kind of tired today because I had to wake up early to wait for the cable guy. I think I will take a break after this assignment and sleep a little. That would be nice because then I will be refreshed this evening. Yesterday, I couldn't sleep, but I don't know why that was. It might have been the outside noise from people coming and going from the parties around here. I hate the inconsiderate people who don't think about how their noise affects others.

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25

Today was a good day I enjoy life. I wish I was at home with my girlfriend. she is so pretty I am in love yet it is not here. I wish that she could be here to join me. Frat life is demanding yet it should be a good payoff in the near future I wish I could sleep I am so tired that it is hard to stay awake at times during the day I really enjoy this kind valentine assignment it lets me express my true feelings and thoughts with no real worries except that if it will arrive when it needs to. 20 minutes is a long time to write continuously but it really is neat to think off all the things that go on in my head. like home and vlentina. that is her name the lovely girl that I left back home when I came to college. I am scared that I will not do as well as I can I hope so I don’t want to let me dad down he is very important to me even though he is a bit scary at times. but that is how they are supposed to be right? oh well I hope my dog is doing ok I love her so my thoughts drift now into wanting to be on some other planet that is why I love astronomy. even thought it is kind confusing. but it is fun nonetheless I love to use the internet I think that it is so neat. I do however wish I could find a good use for it. all I ever do is waste time going from place to place not knowing where I am going. kinda like life we seem to wander from place to place and never seem to truly settle down at least that is the way things seem right now in a few years however I am sure that my opinion will change. I know that once I can complete college which is my number one goal above all else. then to have fun and party. I hope this week we will have a good party I know we will. we always have the best parties. and there are always girls there. yet I do wish that valentina could be there. even though she did start to bother me before I left. now it seems that we have gotten closer at the same time that we are apart. is she the girl for me? I do not know and whish that I did. it seems that way at times. yet then at other times she just bugs me to death an \d all I can think of is getting away from her. I never want to loose her though. I do really care for her. I am looking forward to seeing here soon on my birthday she will stay with me I hope. but I will probably not see her that much since I am so busy I guess I will just have to make the time to see her. I hope that she loves me I really do. I miss my parents and my old room. my room i\ here is great and I have fun with my roommates all of whom are from my home in fort worth. so we get along well not like some of the girls that came here boy they cant stand each other and we have only been here for 3 weeks. not even a full month. I cant believe I am writing this much I normally cannot write this much when working on a paper but now I can I guess I don’t really have to think about what I am writing just write it. I think that it is neat . wow that was a fast 20 minutes. I can't believe that it is over oh well I still have on more assignment to do.

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10

There is to much traffic in austin. I am ready to see my girlfriend this weekend. I am glad it is almost the weekend. The buses outside are to loud it is annoying. I guess it is really annoying when someone srives by with loud music in the middle of the night or rotc marches by. I'm thirsty I think I will get so water. I like this deja blue container it works good to refill. On yea that nice and cold. I guess I need to study my spanish when I am done with this. I wonder how my parents are doing, I guess I should call them pretty soon. Five min. and twenty seconds this is going by pretty fast. Tomorrow is friday horray. I am not really sure if that is how horray is spelled. It probaly isn't in the dictionary. There are always car alarms going off if someones car acutually gets robbed no one will know whose it is. That would suck. I like my bob marley poster it is interesting. I guess I should go work out a little today before work. I'll bet work is really boring tonight unless there are a lot of people at the fields. who know. That water tastes good. This psychology is kind of interesting but I still don't know what I am going to major in. It really does bug me I wish I could figure it out. Oh well mabye it will just hit me one day mabye I should just have fun. I need a different soap I don't really like this dail. I wish I wouldn't of bought a big ass bottle of it. It will take forever for me to use it. I wonder whats on tv. It would be kind of hard to watch will I am typing. I want hook up my speakers to my computer, I need to find that damn chord. I need to find someone with a printer for biology homework. What am I going to do when I am done with this I don't know if I really want to study. I guess I have to since I have to work tonight. Wow it is eighty degrees in here. I wonder how acurrate that galelio theremometer is. It seems like it would be pretty acurrate. galelio was a smart guy so why not. looks hot outside im glad I don't have to go out there till later. although it still won't be all that cool.

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TOday was an easy day for me since I only had two classes to attend. IN math, I really had a hard time staying awake. I didn’t know if it was because I knew the lesson already or was it that the teacher was boring the heck out of me. Either way, I was very tired and at times, I just dozed off. In my EDP class, I had to find information on financial aide. I also had to start a checking account at the credit union. By chance in the corner of my eyes, I could a brochure on financial loans for students. So I picked it up and will bring it to class for my presentation. Right now I'm stuck in my room and typing my psychology assignment which is due on Friday. It's an easy assignment because it will be graded on whatever you completed or not. I probably will need this grade to bolster up my average since psychology isn't really an easy class. Tomorrow will be a more challenging day with 3 classes to attend. English at 8 in the morning is a killer time for me. I had no choice but to take that time slot because all the times were filled up. I tries to call TEX many times, but had no luck. Now I have to get used to waking up early every Tuesday and Thursday at about 7:30 in the morning. It's a pain in the butt, but the good thing is that I can come back and sleep some more since my next class is at 3:30 which is psychology. I really need to take a nap before my psy class because last week on Wednesday, I didn't take one and when I attended the class, I had a hard time staying awake. I'm glad that I'm in college now because I feel more independent than at home. My mom would always get on my nerves with all her questions and nagging and now she isn't able to do it anymore. But it gets to a point where I kind of miss the questioning and the nagging which I think is contributed to homesick. I can't wait until thanksgiving when I get to go back and see the family because I really miss my baby brother. I would always take his pillow and blanket just to tease him but my mom would end up shouting at me to give it back. I also miss playing basketball with my 1tenth grade brother. He is trying out for the basketball team at his high school and I hope he makes it. He still thinks he can beat me, but that won’t probably ever be true until I'm about 60 and he's 57. This weekend, I hope to attend the football game with my friends again. I went to the one last week and we blew away Rutgers by a lot. It was a great game because there were a lot of people in attendance and the place was packed. A packful of people screaming and cheering for the longhorn football team was one of the greatest moment I have ever saw because I have never attended a college football game before. It was quite hot and I was wearing jeans which was dumb of me. I definitely learn my lesson and will wear shorts to all the day games. I might even paint my face to show some school spirit. Maybe not. After I finish this assignment, I will have to start working on my English paper which is due next Thursday. I kind of have a idea of what to write about but it might take awhile before I fully understand the assignment. The good thing about it is that my teacher is very nice and she will be willing to help me if I need it. My EDP teacher also mentioned a writing center which I could go to if I have problems starting an idea or need my paper to be edited. I think that is cool because in high school, there wasn't a writing center that would help you with your paper. You had to go to the teacher for help and sometimes they make you do all the thinking even when you don't have a clue. I guess that's one of the luxuries for being in college because people want you to succeed and that's a great feeling to have. The one thing I keep on forgetting to do is to buy my psy book. I may have to run by co-op and see if they have it since BEVO's was out of them. Textbooks are very expensive in college, but it's probably worth it when it comes to things you don't understand or for the test. The good thing is that you can resale them back to the store. I think my time is up so that's all I'm going to write. I think I changed the subject like 6 different times but I think that's the purpose of this essay. So, that's all.

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8

I wonder what I am doing right now, this is a little annoying, stupid grammer mistakes are irritating me. Hmmm, I hope that Jennifer likes the present that I have for her. How am I going to get back, and how am I going to get back? How much will it cost, how will I do on my psychology test I have the coming monday. I hope that I will still have time to study. Oh well, I'm tired I really wish I didn't have to do this right now. Hehehe, I wonder if that guy I just e-mailed will reply to me anytime soon, and I wonder if he'll actually have what I want. How much will the new motherboard I need cost? Can I wait 3 months? I hate waiting, oh well. I wonder if Jennifer is asleep right now, I really do miss her. Atleast I'll get to see her when I go back for her birthday next week. This is really going to take a long time to do, the writing assignment I'm doing right now. Havnt' played pool in a while, I hope that I'm still decent. What's on the TV right now and why am I paying so much attention to the way that I'm typing right now, I keep going back and making corrections to my mistakes when it already said I shouldn't. Bad habit I guess, always want everything to be perfect. Dumb Browser, messing up. Annoying sound. I hope that when I go to Block-buster tomorrow they will Final Fantasy VIII. I wonder if it will be as good as it's supposed to be. I hope that I do good in college, get goood grades and do well in general, though I also hope that I have fun also. It's a bit anoyying having to think and type so fast at the same time oh well. I have to do it for my assignment. The TV is really loud and annoying right now, unfortunately my roommate is watching it right now and I'm doing thing right now so I can't stop and turn it down or anything. I like my roommate pretty much we get a long pretty well, but anyways why am I thinking of this, never knew that my mind switched from thoughts so suddenly. I wonder if I have attention defecit disorder. I hope now, that would be really bad, though that might explain why I never really did as well as my brother or sister in school. I wonder what they are doing now. I wonder if they've ever drunk alcohol. Anyways, that's none of my bussiness. Hmmmmm. I wish I didn't have to go to school tomorrow, wish I could just stay home and just rest and enjoy myself. I sill need to do my calculus, philosophy, and psychology. The other part of it atleast. It's a little difficult right now with all these distractions, but I guess I'll cope. Hmm. don't really know what to think about or write about right now. Hmm I wonder how much my plane ticket will cost when I buy it, I hope it doesn't cost too much. But it's for her, so I guess it's worth it. Wish I could see her right now. I rememver the first time I saw her, it was a little strange and I didn't know her name. hehehe. she was cute, nice to look at and she was nice too. anyways I'd better stop thinking about her and get my mind on some work. Another thing I wonder how I'm going to pay for my plane ticket I still havn't recieved my bank card or checking card from Bank of America. Annoying. Hmmm. Those funyons look good right now, I wonder if I should stop right now and eat some food. I wonder if the milk is still good, or if it's bad now. I'm in the mood for some cereal right now, kinda wierd. But I've always been a little wierd. Anyways this is getting rediculous and a bit tedious also on my fingers. getting tired from just looking at the screen right now and typing. oh well. how much longer is it, oh 5 minutes. I guess that's not too bad. Hmmm. I want to stop. anoyying. oh well. aonly a little longer. I'm starting to get careless. but anyways. I wish Kevin would stop messaging me right now I'm trying to do this but I can't with him messageing me. TV is getting louder right now, must be some horror movie or something. too bad I can't turn around to look right now and type the same cause it would be a little difficult to do so right now while typing and having to occasionally look at the keyboard to make sure I don't mess up. I wonder if my fingers look wierd right now moving in this order. Oh well, who cares. Only 2 more minutes till I can stop and maybe either rest and sleep or eat some more food. Now what will I eat, cereal, hamburger??? who knows. I wonder how much I've typed already. Hopefully I typed a lot cause it would be cool if I would type really fast. One more minute right now. Why do I always put more periods than I need to???? I always do that with just about everything. but again who cares. Finally time is up!!!!!!!!

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5

Today is a very stressful day, I just studied for the first time and it makes me so mad because i am a perfectionist and when I don't understand something perfectly I get really frusterated. My boyfriend from back home has not called today because we broke up last night and it was for the stupidist reason. Why can't he just let me do what I want? I'm kind of homesick lately. People know all their friends from high school and I'm just alone from Wisconsin, besides Shane who is not being very nice lately. Well actually it's me not being very nice. It's really weird because my friends and I all have birthdays this week. Mine's on September 11th and it's not going to be a very fun birthday. It never really is. Two years ago my party got crashed by Richard and then last year it was 9-11. Hopefully it'll be really cool though with everybody remebering 9-11. I think it will. The fact that I have so many classes that day kind of sucks though. Oh well I think I've officially decided that I'm changing my birthday to september 12th. My friends and I are all going to Hardrock cafe that night to eat and then we might go to sixth street and party afterward. I called my mom today just to chat and of course she makes me mad and says basically that her and my dad thought I was going to drop out of school. They wanted to make sure that I had been studying. they don't realize that I am on my own now and that I can deal with my own problems myself. Janelle and I just found this new diet. You eat a lot of fruit in the morning and veggies and then at night you can feast and eat whatever you want. You have to eat in a certain order though at night. kind of weird and who knows if it will work but it better because I'm not going to gain the freshman fifteen. Thats going to be hard because the cafeteria food is so damn good and you can keep on going up for more servings. I palyed on a soccer team today. Our dorm got a coed team together and we all went to practice together. It was a good workout because it was so hot out. It was alot of fun, I scored three goals and I broke Darius' toe. OOPs! I feel kind of bad. I hate the fact that the last 2 weeks all I've been doing is having fun and not dealing with school. Now I realized that there's going to be alot of school wrk involved. I also want to prove my mom wrong and get a really good GPA. I set goqals for myself today because I was reading a book at Barnes and Noble and I said that I was going to do good in school and study at least an hour a night. Hopefully I can do that. I think I will be able to. I can't believe that Shane hasn't called yet. I either thought he'd call at 10am or not at all. Oh well there's more out there. I am having a lot of fun here though, so I don't really care if we break up.

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9

Today is Friday and I am feeling sad because my I had been hoping to see my boyfriend Justin this weekend. Actually, originally I had planned to see him next weekend because this weekend he was supposed to be going to La Grange. But then his trip to La Grange got cancelled and I was hoping that he would be able to come up and visit me. But it just wasn't going to happen in this short of notice because we had too many other things going on this weekend. But next weekend I will see him because I am driving down to Houston next Friday. I am so excited because by then it will have been three weeks since we last saw eachother. Next Sunday, September 15 is his brothers' birthday. He has two brothers, they are twins. Their names are Jack and John. They will be turning 11. This weekend I am going to buy them birthday cards. The only problem is that I'm not sure which name to put on one of the cards because now John wants to be called Hunter for no particular reason. So I want to be nice and call him by the name he wants to be called, but I also think that those kind of nicknames are dumb. By that I mean nicknames that are derived from nowhere. A nickname should contain at least some semblance of the person's actual name. But I want to be nice to his brother. I am very tired right now. I didn't get enough sleep last night, I stayed up late talking to my roommate about the most random stuff. I had planned to take a nap after my 10:00 class, but I got sidetracked, and I had that guilty feeling that I should be studying. So I went to the library and studied a little bit. And now it is 3:00 on Friday afternoon and I really have nothing to do. That has been a common theme during my two-week college experience so far: having nothing to do. My roommate is one of my best friends from high school, and all senior year we were so excited about coming to college. And I really like it here a lot, but I guess it takes awhile for things to pick up. But I have been meeting a lot of people in the dorm and some people in my classes. At first I was unbelievably homesick, it came in waves. I'd be ok for awhile, and then all of a sudden something would remind me of Justin or home or my parents or something and I'd feel like I wanted to cry. Now that things have settled into sort of a routine I feel better. And I know it just takes time. I can sort of gauge everything that happens to me during college to what happened to my brother, because when he started college he was in the same situation I am in - he was in a long distance relationship. But he went to A&M. Also, his girlfriend was still in high school, and my boyfriend is the same age as me. But he was miserable, I remember how sad he was. He used to come home every weekend. But he was in College Station, only about an hour from home. Anyways, I wouldn't even want to be like that. I don't want to seem like I can't handle things and I have to run back to Justin all the time. But I really miss him and I have this lost feeling, like I'm not sure what to do with myself. My roommate went downstairs to get her laundry. She had a little package slip in the mail too. Justin said that I should check my mail today and I did, but I didn't get anything, so I don't know what he's talking about. It's a very cloudy day today. I am supposed to do this homework assignment for my astronomy class where I have to observe the sky and measure the angles of different stars. So I hope it clears off later. The other problem is I can't find a place from where I can do it. At first I thought I would just go to the top of the Jester parking Garage, so I did that last night, but it wasn't tall enough - I couldn't see the horizon behind all the tall buildings and stuff. So I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to do about it. It is actually stressing me out, because I just don't know what to do. I hope I will figure out something this weekend. The homework is not due until Thursday. But I'd rather get it over with. My roommate just came back and said that I did have a letter from Justin. That is weird because I checked the mail earlier and there was nothing for me. So I'm excited now. Now she is folding her laundry. I did my laundry yesterday. It is so expensive, 75 cents a load. That is why I'm going to take my laundry home next weekend.

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30

Today I had to wake up for an 8:00am class. I am so tired right now, but I'm not going to take a nap because I have a lot of things to do today. Last night was my roommates birthday. She had a meeting that she had to go to from 6-10pm, so we couldn't go out to dinner. Instead, when she got home, I had gotten a couple presents and she opened them. She started to cry, telling my that it was the first time anyone had ever celebrated her birthday. I find it so strange to find out about the different types of childhoods and life that all of my new friends here have experienced. Everyone comes from different backgrounds and the things that I might think are very common may actually be new things for some people. That is why I am enjoying living in the dorm right now and meeting all sorts of people. I love to study and figure out why people are the way they are and what makes them act the way they act. Anyway, my rhetoric class this morning wasn't too bad. Once I'm up and out of bed, I can usually get to class and do everything that I need to do. In my biology class, my teacher gave us a quiz. We hadn't been told about it and it was over a chapter that most people hadn't read yet. The quiz was worth 6 points and I got 3. Three points was about the average of the class. My professor isn't American and he doesn't articulate his words. This makes it very hard to understand and take notes. Luckily, I had a lab this afternoon and the TA was able to explain the lecture and help clarify so of the notes. Today, I am going to go to TOPS to get some of the pictures that I took this weekend. I am so excited because I don't have many pictures on my wall right now. My suitemate said that she would make me a bulletin board. She is very artistic and creative, so I know it will be really cute. Tonight, I have a meeting for my sorority. I chose to go Tri-Delt. I really like all the girls and we have been hanging out a lot. Everyone gets along pretty well, but there are always groups of people that tend to cling together. I have tried to make friends with as many of them as I can. Right now everyone is worrying about where they should live next year. It's kind of frustrating because it is so soon. How do we know who we will be friends with and hang out with in a year from now? I guess you just pick and hope for the best. My roommate and I decided to live together and both of us have been asked to live with other girls from our sororities. So, we decided to get an apartment together and we have 4 other girls that we have met that are going to live with us. I really hope we all get along and I'm sure everything will work out!

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9

hopefully I remember to stop in 20 minutes. my mind went blank for a sec. what should I write about, what am I thinking about. what is this group's name, the group who sings "what's my age again. " it's blink 182. just thinking about the song, singing it in my head. should I go ahead and write the lyrics down since it's in my head? keep on singing the song. now I'm pondering about what I should write and think. I hate this song, christina aguilera's "genie in a bottle. " my is thinking what to think so that I can type it down. my mind is completely blank, I have no thought or feeling whatsoever. now the room is getting cold. I can feel goosebumps forming. I'm singing the song I don't like. I was thinking that thank goodness I'm not working tomorrow morning. my eyes are beginning to hurt from staying glued onto the computer. I wonder is it time yet? another song is playing, and again I'm singing to it. singing the song. come on, think of something so that I can type it down. thinking of what I need to do tomorrow: go to co-op and return my books before it's too late to get a full refund on books. I have to meet with my sister so that I can get her some food. I also need to go this store so that I can buy a new pair of sandals since the ones I have right now are getting ready to tear on me. it's located behind einsten's bagel store. my mind is drifting back to the song. I think the music is distracting me from thinking. all I can think are the lyrics of the song and nothing else unless I make myself think of something. now another song is playing, but I forget who sang it. the name of the song is "how's it going to be. " trying to think of the artist who sings this song. I can't seem to think of the artist's name, but I know it, it's like it's on the tip of my tongue. I know it, but can't say it. I hate that feeling. my mind is once again blank. I'm thinking about the mall. because today we went to the mall. I'm now thinking about the topic of this writing assignment, am I doing it correctly? hopefully. how long do I have to go now? just thinking about the meeting that our dorm is to have concerning with sex since the radio had said something dealing with sex. I'm now making myself think of things. so I'm thinking of when I'm going to go back home. I'm thinking about wanting to go shopping. I'm thinking about the allegations I've read in the daily texan on gap. about how the were alleged to using sportshops. I'm thinking that if the allegations are true, will I continue to shop there. I'm thinking about the m&m commercial, the latest one, since I thought I heard something similiar to that on the radio. I was thinking of something, but was unable to type it down, wasn't fast enough. thinking of the song that is now pllaying, tlc's "unpretty. " is time yet? feels like 20 minutes is forever and endless. when is this over. found out that I have one minute leftover. feel like just stopping since it's only one minute. reminiscing about my chat with my friend through the aol instant messaging. I think it's time. time now. yes, I'm done.

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I feel really stressed about school right now. I hate my rhetoric class, because she makes us turn in homework everytime we meet which is three days a week. So I am behind in my reading for a lot of other classes that I am taking. It makes me so frustrated that she doesn't seem to care that I am taking 15 hours of credit and I don't have time to read a 150 page novel in two days. I'm drinking this drink called Capri Sun. Its ok but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I'm really thirsty though and I don't really want to drink water. Our water tastes gross too. I don't know what is in it, but everytime we put it in our refridgerator, it gets a bad taste to it. Everytime my roommate talks about the water tasting bad, I think of the movie Signs, and that cute little girl who said her water tastes old. Atleast if aliens come to earth, we'll have water to through on them. My monitor is on the fritz. It keeps turning neon shades of red. . more like purplish pink. Or something of that nature. It really makes my eyes hurt when it does that. I just hit it and it goes back to normal for a few moments. I can't figure out why its doing that except for the fact that it is old. I talked to my old friend Kyle last night. He called me a cutie. Why I don't know. I didn't really know how to react to a comment like that especially from him, because we had a history a long time ago, and things were never really the same. I really liked him too. It kind of unnerved me when he said those things. I just kept saying how can you say something like that to me . He is really good with mind games, so he kind of played around with my mind for a moment there. He makes me so mad, but at the same time, I like to hear that kind of stuff from him. It does make me feel pretty. I don't really know what this thing is supposed to help me do. . the whole writing in a stream of conciousness way seems hard to do. I just write what I think, but at the same time I feel like I am thinking what I want to write, just so I can write it, as confusing as that sounds. I miss my friends. They are too far away to see. Some of the people who came to UT with me live on the other side of campus and they don't ever call. I felt like everyone already had friends when we got here and their old high school friends didn't matter any more. It really hurt my feelings to realize that. I honestly believed them when they said that they wanted to hang out with me when I got to school. My other friends live far away. they all have new friends too. I feel left out or behind, because I don't have a new good group of friends. I really hope that my mom is doing ok. She always says that she is, and probably just because she doesn't want me to worry. But I do. I don't like being far away from her, because I can't keep up with how she is. Not that she is unhealthy all too much, but sometimes she will hurt her back, or she, like everyother human, gets sick. I pretty much think of her as a superhero. Invinsible to the harm of the world. I want my mom to always be here with me. Now I am older and I know that my mom isn't anything other than a normal human, and it makes me worry. Anything can happen anyday to me, my mom, anyone I know. Its pretty frightening, but in the same sense you have to no think about stuff like that and just live life as it comes and live life for today. I try to do that. Maybe that is why I don't do my homework. I could die tomorrow and what would I have to show for it? An all nighter of reading. I hate reading. It is one of the worst things you could make me do. That and writing papers and having my peers grade me. I always feel like I am going to miss something if I am stuck reading. My mom and my sister are avid readers, but I do not share the same feelings for it. Plus if ever I don't understand a word, or the reading gets boring, I stop paying attention and therefore do not understand a single word I just read. I hate it. I have to read books multiple times to understand them and then I might never get it. I honestly wish that reading and writing were obsolete. Impossible and shallow I know. I mean, where would we be without that stuff? No where, I am assuming. Allthough I know better than to assume! I am not really a person who enjoys school. I love to listen to my teachers tell interesting stories, screen movies and make visuals in class. All of this taking notes and reading bores me. I wish school was like my elementary year and like my LEAP classes where cut and paste was the prefeered way of learning. Those were the days. It really stinks to be all grown up. And to think that a few years ago, that's all I wanted to be.

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18

Well, I'm listening to 3 Doors Down. My friend told me about this song, and it's pretty good. It's about people being in love. I'm about to change the song to So Far Away by Staind. They're my favorite band. My roommate isn't here right now. I just got finished eating with my brother. He is 31 and the best big brother. When he dropped me off at Jester that was the first time that I have cried since I've been here. I didn't even cry when my mom left. I guess our relationship is stronger even though I don't get to see him that much. I think my roommate and I are going to Lake LBJ this weekend. I have a house on the lake. We'll probably invite a few friends to join us. I guess get away from the dorm life and act like it's summer again. Man, I have a lot to do. I need to return two books, mail a couple of letters, and some other stuff. I should be writing this down. Oh well. Hmmm. I'm running out of things to talk about. Oh yeah, the smell. It smells kinda funny in here because we had chicken wings the other day, and we still haven't cleaned out the dishes. Oh yeah, I have to do laundry too. Dang, that's going to be a pain. I have tons of laundry to do. I'll probably wait until this weekend because then I can use my own washer and dryer. I won't have to wait for anyone else. Now I have to go to the bathroom. I wonder if that counts off if I stop for a second. Well, I'm going to try and hold it in. I wish we had a bathroom in here. Then it wouldn't be that big of a hassle to go to the bathroom real quick. Hmmm. my roommate and I have been hearing these strange noises from the room above us. It sounds like this people are having sex like the bed is moving or something. We're not sure yet, but I think we're going to go up there and see what's going on. We thought it was a laundry room, but who knows. I've been trying to find this song. I know the tune of it. I just can't place the words so I'm having no luck. I'm just adding words that sound good. I heard it in my brother's car, but he was talking and I didn't want to interrupt. I'm looking at some pictures on my wall. Wait. someone just sent me a text message. It was a guy named David. I met him last Sunday walking passed his room. He seems like a nice guy. We went out last night to a movie in Dobie. We got there early so we had about an hour and a half to spare. So, we decided to take a look around Dobie's room so we just started knocking on doors and taking a look at people's rooms. It was crazy, but I liked it. Nothing was planned out. We just started hanging out and then we thought a movie would be nice and just went. It was excited. I hate having things planned out. I don't mind just sitting at home and being lazy. Just taking things when they come along. I don't know if. damn, I hate pop-ups. one just popped up while I was typing. Anyways. I don't know if that's a good thing or bad. Well, I have about a minute left and that David guy is coming over. Perfect timing. I think things happen for a reason. I'm into reading horoscopes and stuff like that. I guess it's kinda childish.

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22

Well, I am wondering if I had read the instructions as carefully as I could have. The timer at the stop was unexpected. Convenient though. Although, I had planned to just look at my roommate's clock radio. It is reading 10:02. I am working on my day planner trying to figure out where my free time is going. College is different from what I expected it to be. I'm not sure what is worse knowing no one or knowing 7 people out of 10,000 undergraduates and wondering if I will see someone I know today. It could be worse. I need to try to call my aunt today. I tried yesterday, but she was not there and I really didn't want to leave a message. I really don't know my family in Austin as well as I should. I wish I could go up to Ohio and see how cousins are doing up there. I have no idea where my roommate is. This is the 3 day he has not returned from wherever he goes. It is funny when I think about it. I wake up try not to make any noise then I realize I am the only one in the room. It is exciting as it is lonely. Maybe I'll do laundry today or something. I can't believe I actually like going to my classes. Perhaps it is because I do not have anywhere else to go. Human contact is everywhere, but I just want to feel welcomed outside of a classroom atmosphere. Matchbox Twenty's Unwell just finished playing on the radio. The Oh Baby song just came on. I am amazed at what passes for music sometimes. Hip hop is not music. Rap is a joke. They don't even make sense, they just try to rhyme their words with the next line. I liked Will Smith as a rapper, but I don't think he does it anymore. Clean rap is a thing of the past. Once it stood for something now it has shifted to image and jewelry. Sad. I am feeling a little tired. I have been sleeping very well, but sometimes I forget where I am. A moment of panic surrounds me then I realize where I am. 4 walls, 4 plain walls can be intimidating to wake up to everyday. I can't wait until we get those message boards up. Maybe we can add some character to this room. I am getting thirsty know. This dormitory is secluded, but it is alright unless I need to get something to eat or drink. I am not going to use all my Bevo Bucks on vending machines. From what I heard, they go fast while dine in dollars linger on and on. At least I am not in Jester. Almost done. Now what should I write about?

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I am here in UT's library. I just finished talking with my mum on line. She is back in China. Thought she is far away from me, every time I am talking with her, I feel that we are really close to each other. It is 7pm on Monday night, but I don't really feel hungry, though when I am thinking about the lunch I brought here with me, I feel like having it. Some fruits and a corn. Though this is the beginning of the semester, I feel like I am having a lot more to do than usual. I guess this is the difference between big unversity and a small college There are five classes I am taking this semester. Except the markering one, the lecture are all fine to me. However, I bet the exams going to be hard. I have to work hard to get a good GPA, then get into the program I want. The work on campus is all right. Not so fun and changlleging. Kind of boring. I am not really learning a lot from it. The good thing is that one of the bosses is nice. He makes me feel like there is someone appreciate my 4 and half hours work in the morning. I guess, people usually using new ones harder. I don't see anyone else working as hard as I do. Basically, everyone is chatting and eating. Frankly, I'd rather work instead of chatting. But just not like this. You know what I am saying? Anyway, I hope I am going to get used to it soon. I love to cook my own food. Saving money and tast good. But i just don't have much time to do so once school starts. So basically, I bring simple food to school or just eat somewhere else. I have lot needs to be done tonight and hopefully I will survive tomorrow.

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I just had a conversation with Sarah. She can be so touchy sometimes. It seems as though she is so insecure with herself that she can't stand it when someone says something that is contrary to what she is saying. Just a few minutes before hand, I was telling her about what I need to for this writing assignment and she said that she often writes stream of consciousness" writings and gave me an example where she a friend of hers wanted some advice on a story he was writing and in affect, she gave him a story that was just following her thoughts and that wasn't pre-planned. I told her that that was not "stream-of consciousness" because she was focusing her mind on a particular theme or plot to come up with a story. Then she just got irritated and told me that I don't do that to her. And I was like, "What?". She doesn't make any sense. Oh dear. Surat is screaming her head off and I have to cover her so she can go to sleep tonight. It is 10:30 and she usually starts screaming about now. Surat is a nice bird though, other than the screaming when she is in a demanding mood. She usually keeps herself pretty entertained. There she goes again. I should tell monica to cover her. Moni is probably busy with her studies. How am I supposed to tend to my bird while I am doing this assignment? I have to stay here and complete it or then I wouldn't really be doing the assignment right. That brings up another point. What is someone really has to go to the bathroom during these 20 minutes. Are they supposed to just sit here and risk getting a bladder infection so they may do well on this assignment? Would that be cheating if someone took a bathroom break? Ok, I had to go cover the cage but it didn't take more than five seconds(literally) because the cage is on the other side of the room that I am in. That is a relief. Now she isn't screaming. Now what should I write about. Hmmm. I had a yoga class today. Ashtanga Yoga. It was very difficult to do and very fun. I hope to become really flexible this semester. I also have a really good workout schedule planned for this semester. I got a texercise pass from Gregory gym for 55 dollars and I have access to all these cool aerobics classes and yoga classes. It is wonderful. I just wish I didn't have this psychology class at 3:30 to 5pm because two really good classes go on at that time. It is really disappointing. I can't believe I am taking a psychology class(301) this late into my undergrad. I am a senior and I am just taking this class because I decided just recently I want to go into Counseling Psychology. And in order to do that I need 4 Psychology classes with a "B" or higher. I am going to make an A in this class. This summer had a large effect on me. I realized that I really didn't want to become a professor and be consumed by grading papers and research and not have adequate time with my family. I think I just spelled that "adequate" word incorrectly. I hope this assignment isn't going to be graded on spelling. That would be ridiculous because this is a "stream of consciousness" paper. What if a persons stream of consciousness is going insane and causing the person to type faster than normal to get every thought down and in the process spell words incorrectly. This page doesn't have a spell checker. People are so spoiled by spell checkers and typing. Have you noticed that everyone has bad handwriting these days because no one really needs to master the art of writing? My sister told me that when she was little she used to practice her handwriting all the time so it would look nice when she would have to write papers. That seems so ancient now and that was only about 11 or 12 years ago. Its crazy how technology has progressed so rapidly within the past few years. What is going to happen next? I will tell what will happen next. We will overpopulate to the point where there will be no trees or animals left. The earth will be polluted and humans will be the cause of their own demise. I think they should study that in psychology. Why are humans the only animal that makes its environment adapt to it rather than it adapt to its surroundings? We are the only animal that is ruining earth and eating up all its resources. We are causing a great imbalance in nature. Would they even be able to study that in psychology? That might be a little taboo because everyone is so full of themselves that they don't want to admit how ridiculous humans are. or rather, can be. I really like sociology and anthropology better than psychology. Or at least I have more experience in those other two areas. I tend to take the middle ground however. I am not like a psychologist saying that a lot of aspects of human behavior is biological and I am not like a sociologist saying that every aspect of human behavior is a product of environment. I think it is a combination of both and it seems like to me that both fields are too extremist. Am I going to get a bad grade for badmouthing psychology? I hope not. Psychology is a good field, don't get me wrong, but one has to remember that everything has its faults. I took that horrible pre-test today for the experiments. Some of the questions were funny to me. I think its great that they want to know how interested a person is in erotica. Haha. My 20 minutes are over. Guess you don't get to read about my opinions on erotica.

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i don't know what to write. I think that the music next door is a little loud, and it always is at least when I'm trying to study. when you are trying to concentrate it always seems as noises are amplified, such as my roommate, studing, every turn of a page is very loud. She is studying biology, which is unusual because usually she complains about having to study, and now she is actually studying. I'm suprised she hasn't yet complained that my typing is bothering her. I hope it's not, but does it really matter. Anyways, I hope this is what I'm supposed to be writing about, and I really hope that grammer and punctuation are not observed too closely. I think it's time for dinner, well really I don't have a choice if I want to eat on campus, since everything closes at 7. It reminds me of my job at a retirement community, where everything closes very early. I wonder how my grades will be at the end of this semester. hopefully good, it's kind of difficult though because UT is so much different than my high school. I mean this class has 500 people tha's more than my entire high school, probably close to twice as big. But, it was my choice to come here and now I must adjust to my new life style. Being in a big city is so much different from a small town, the smell, the people, everything. Rather than the pleasent smell of trees, or the occasional smell of a BarBQ, there is a strong smell of trash and the numerous buses. But, again it is all okay, and with time everything will seem normal. Is that necessarily a good thing, I wonder. What am I going to do after college, no one can tell me what to do with my life, so I have to decide. But should we be forced to decide so soon, i mean we just graduated from high school. there are so many choices and paths to choose, and what if we choose the wrong one, will we be able to turn around and go back. I picked up a package today, my mom sent me some URHA gifts. It's a good thing I actually checked the mail. At home I used to check it everyday, but here I never remember. I miss home, my dogs and my family, but mainly being familiar with everything and everybody. It's difficult to meet people, well at least for me it is. I can't just start talking to someone I don't know, but how will i ever meet anyone that way. the streets are noisy, i think its all the college, probably male, students driving by, engines roaring and music blasting, it's okay if they do that, but i'm trying to think about what I should type. This assignment should be equiped with spell check, that way you would never have to use the backspace button, or key whatever it is called. I really don't know anything about computers, which is kind of sad because my mom works for a computer company. Maybe that's the reason, why do i need to know when i could ask her and she could tell me. I reallt don't know what else to say I'm thinking that I'm glad that time is almost up because there are not any other things to talk about. These desk chairs are quiet uncomfortable, another reason I'm glad time is almost up. I sure have watched the time closely haven't I.

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I just came back home to Austin from Houston this morning. It was not a bad drive today. I am now at home relaxing for the remainder of the day. I really kind of miss home but I guess I will get used to living on my own after a little while. I miss my parents and girlfriend. It is hard to leave the people you care about the most knowing you won't see them for a period of time. Hopefully though I will start to meet many new people here at the University of Texas. I really like Austin, now I just need to explore it. I know a few people up here and they have helped make it a lot easier to be here. I hope school is not too terribly hard. I know I must study and do all of my assignments and make sure I do not fall behind. I think reading and attending class are two of the most important elements of college. I am somewhat scared though at the fact that three tests comprise your semester grade. If you do bad on an exam, you will really have to work hard to pull yourself back up. I just don't know? I need to get into the routine of college before I can give a valid evaluation of what college really is to me. I hope I do well. Enough with school. I am so excited to be living on my own. I have new responsibilities as well as many new freedoms. There is nobody here to tell me when to come home or what to do. I am the superior. With this new freedom though I know I must watch and take care of myself. No one is here to pick up after me and no one is here to watch over me which is kind of frightening. It creates a sense of happiness, but at the same time a sense of fear also.

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I really wish people would be more efficient with their laundry. It annoys me to no extent when people don't keep up with it. Just a few minutes ago I was trying to wash my towels and I couldn't because the person left their clean, washed clothes in the washer. I felt bad taking the stuff out and leaving it around. It's not like I would of thrown it on the floor or anything, but I feel wierd picking someone else's clothes and underwear out of the machine. Well I built up the courage because I was annoyed and I then realized that the machine next to it, which was in use before, was now free. So I had a whole who-ha over nothing. Oh well. I actually love doing laundry for some strange reason. I love clean clothes that smell really good. I use dryer sheets and fabric softner so they smell extra yummy. I keep looking at the clock because I'm waiting for Road Rules to come on. They kicked this girl Ruthie off last time because she has an alcohol problem. I really don't think it solved the problem at all. Now she'll be even more inclined to do whatever she feels like. I guess I've never lived with or experienced alcoholism so I wouldn't know what it is like. Needless to say, Ruthie is extremely reluctant to go to rehab. She firmly believes that she is a strong enough person to do this on her own. Don't they all say that? Well I hope she gets better because I know it must be an extremely hard thing to overcome, especially by yourself. I think professional help is an extremely good thing and nothing to be ashamed of. I know many people who have had rough times and psychiatrists and psychologists are very helpful in overcoming depression, alcoholism, or whatever it may be. I know that a lot of celebrities go to shrinks. Rosie O'Donnell talks about it openly- about herself and with her guests too. She thinks it's a great thing. I think it's good that occasionally you can have someone who listens to you regardless and someone that you know will not judge you in any type of way. Although I am a firm believer of not having other people tell you what to think, I think this is totally different. These kind of people are trained and don't tell you how your mind works. I think they simply stimulate ideas, thoughts and reactions that allow one to think about things in different lights and more fully. Ok-enough about that. I've noticed that my roommate takes really long showers. I take mine in the morning and I'm in there for seriously about 2 or 3 minutes. Whereas she's in there for like 10 or so. I wonder why that is. I guess I'm in such a rush in the morning that I'm not going to stand there idely and have a think about my day. There doesn't seem to be enough time to do that now but I guess essentially I'm doing that now. Maybe it's not all it's cracked up to be. I'd rather focus on what's ahead tomorrow rather than the stressful day I had today, primarily in the computer lab. I've decided that I really don't like programming and the technical stuff of computers. I really don't care how it works as long as it does for me. I'll just have to put up with that class until Christmas to get my credit. I'd feel kind of sad if I was a professor and people only took my class because their academic advisor advised them too or if they just did it to fill their credits. I guess they're used to it and don't take it personally. Whatever. Ok- time's up now. I've been writing for 20 minutes as told. Bye.

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My mind is totally blank right now. I am just happy that got in the computer lab and was able to use a computer without a long wait. I am kind of lost as to what to write. I am thinking about how much time I have to pass before my next class starts and I am wondering what to do to make the time go faster. I saw one of my friends from high school today. I am happy that I finally saw a familiar face. Why is that light blinking on the CD-ROM door? I did not put a CD in the drive. I hope I doing this assignment right. I want a new day planner. I am tired of looking at that Nike symbol on mine. I want a leather one but my parents don't think I should $50 for a day planner, so oh well there goes that. I need to paint my fingernails. They are so plain looking. I think I might paint them tonight, oh no I can't. I have precal homework to do. I need go and have them painted and maybe I can treat my mom also. She needs to pamper herself. This chair is quite comfortable. I like how the back gives in when you lean back. I need this for my computer at home. There are a lot of Dell computer boxes in the corner of this room. I wonder how many are there. I wonder if the MTV music awards are going to be good tonight. I missed the awards last year. I don't even who won. I hope its not raining right now or when I am ready to leave. My hair will frizz so bad and I'll have to blow-dry it out to make it smooth again. I wish I could where my hair naturally curly but its just too frizzy. My niece has the best hair and her mother doesn't take care of it. What are doors to side of this room for? Where do they lead? My hands are cold. My feet are cold, too. I wonder if this shirt makes me look fat. The stripes are going horizontal. I need to start back to exercising like I used to. That boy is kinda cute who just walked by. My finger are really cold. The air conditioning must be up pretty high in here. I am always colder than most people. Maybe I have small blood vessels in my hands and feet or something. I just can't get over how Princess Diana died. She seemed to be such nice person. What is this black cord wrapped around the bottom of the monitor? What is it used for? I am sleepy and I have another class to go to today. I hope I perk up. I 'e never seen a window button on a computer before but then I've never used a Dell computer before either. How wide are the margins on this sheet. I'm try to keep my typing neat. I always like things to be neat and organized. My mind is blank again. I wonder what my mom is cooking today if she is cooking. My back is itching. I just realized that my legs are sore from that walking I did yesterday from the Robert L. Moore Building all the way to Calhoun hall in the six pack. My legs shouldn't be sore. I was a cheerleader in junior high and high school. My pen is coming out of my day planner. I never really fit right anyway. My day planner is kind of different. maybe I don't need another one. Maybe I've been around my parents too long, but then my mom is my best friend. I tell her everything since I don't have a sister. My brother hasn't taken me to the movies in a long time. I wonder how he and his wife are doing. How do leave this computer lab. I guess the same way I got in. My handwriting is terrible. I hate having to write checks or sign my name. I just can't make my handwriting flow like some peoples. I think I drank too much sprite. All that ice might be making my hands and feet cold. I need to go and warm up. This air conditioning is really chilling me. I should paint my nails red like I have my toes. I need to go read for my Ancient Greek class. I haven't read the Odyssey since the ninth grade. Maybe I will understand it better this time. I only remember the Cyclops. My hands are too cold. I need to warm up a bit.

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I kind of don't know what to write. I am sitting here next to a guy who knows just everything about computer. I feel like I am stupid cause my typing speed and I didn't even know how to get on UT web page. Oh well, I will learn how to do that later. that is why I am here. I really like computer, I learned a lot about it in past two months. I really hope I still have AOL, so I can talk to some of my friends up there. I wrote like thousands of e-mails. But my e-mail box was empty. I can't believe it. Did all those friends of mine forget about me!!!!! Oh well! they are not really friends. I don't even know what they look like. I don't really care, but I like e-mails. I like getting attentions. =) I really miss my boyfriend. he is in Houston, and I am going back tomorrow. Coming to college can be so much trouble. I hate facing problems on my own. I need someone like watch my back or something. I need my boyfriend's support. He can be so sweet sometime. he makes me forget all the problems. I always call him when I am in stress. taking to him makes me feel comfortable. Man! my phone bill is going to scare me. but I can't help to call him. he means a lot to me. he is black. My parents don't really know about him. I wonder what will happen if I tell them. Like all other Chinese parents, they probably kill me or something. I wish my parents understand, but I don't expect too much. I know how it is like. they don't really know much about other race. They didn't even like my exboyfriend, because he is half Vietnamese half white. I been typing for a long time, but there is like so little on the screen, oh well I am going to type a little longer. I wonder how does the instructor know how long did I write. is there is clock in this program or something. it like counts the how long I been writing. I am like so surprised myself, I am writing a home work on the day I got it. and the due day is like a month away or something. I need to study more in college. I wonder if I can. I am afraid to promise myself, cause I might not do it. oh well , let's see how things go. My life is so hard. I wish I can write like everyone else. I wish English was my first language. no I don't, I am happy I can speak two language, but it was so painful when I didn't know how to speak English. it will always be a scar for me, mentally I mean. I always talk about how hard it was. I don't know if people like to hear it. Man, this page is wide. Is there a way I can make it narrow. I been writing for so long. this thing is such a pain. but I know it is good for me. I can improve my writing or something, but it is for psychology class. Anyway, it is cool. ok, I been writing for a while, I think it is enough. I am gonna stop. okay bye, until next time. =) gone sleeping =P

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I'm going to be late, why did I schedule my classes so late in the day? I heard it was better to have later classes, but isn't 2pm for my first class a bit too late? It's too much trouble to change it, and oh my gosh! How am I supposed to concentrate in a room of about 500 people with my Microeconomics professor being so plain and boring. It reminds me of my U. S. History class junior year. it was crazy, I could barely stay awake. 2pm is generally when I take my afternoon nap as well, you know? Now it's twice as hard to stay awake in that class at that time. And today I've got a 12:30pm class, which I guess is a better time, don't you think? Yesterday I had a lot of time to spare before class, so I woke up early, and went to go work out, which worked out ok. I'm going to go workout to day as well. I'm going to try to work out as much as possible. you know how they talk about the freshman 15? That scares me. I mean I can see how freshmen can gain that weight. For example, I ended up skipping breakfast yesterday, and had a big lunch, which is more that I generally would eat for a lunch. SO I end up eating more than usual. But for dinner I had a sandwich and some cereal, so I think that was better. At home I just constantly snacked, which I heard is actually better than eating full meals. But at home, I actually had food lying around the house that I could just pick up at any time. IN my dorm, on the other hand, we've got ants, so I can't just have food out everywhere. And while others have a whole pantry full of food in their dorm, I've got a box of crackers, cereal, some soup, and fruit snacks. I haven't had milk in awhile, maybe I'll have milk for breakfast today. should I? Because if I do that then I won't really have a lunch, but breakfast for lunch you know? Uhh. I don't know, Everything is pretty new. This whole college lifestyle. Oh my gosh the first couple of days I was here I was really depressed. I didn't see very many of my friends, and the friends that I was seeing weren't my closest of friends. But we went over to one of my friend's dorms the other day, and just hung out and talked about old time. now that was fun. It's hard getting all together though, because everyone's got their own schedule and things to do. It'd be nice to get together again. One day at lunch I got together with a whole group of my friends, it was a lot of fun. better than just having a boring lunch with some friends that barely even talk. And my dorm room. I mean I like it, but when you compare to other peoples dorm rooms. oh my gosh! Some people really went all out. I on the other hand, just put up a few decorations and some stickers. Well some will bust out with poster and a billion frames surrounding their bed. I mean that's cool and all, but I guess I wasn't prepared to do all that. That's another thing. A lot of people already have siblings who are going here, or have previously gone here. That's why they know so much about the organizations and the things around Austin. They also have access to a car, another thing I don't have, which can get kind of hard. What if I want to go back to Houston? I don't really feel comfortable asking just anybody for a ride, and the bus? I don't know. I haven't actually sat on a bus to go from city to city. And I don't want to make my family drive three hours to Austin, just to pick me up, and three hours back to Houston, then all over again to drop me back off to school. I don't know. they say there's so much to do on campus and to get involved, but in what?? There are so many different organizations, and the one I want, I can't find. I heard that there was an Armenian cultural association in Austin, and that'd be really cool if I actually found the members and joined. I tried to look them up online, but apparently the web site doesn't work. I'm not really open and just start talking to people, so making a whole new group of friends is not challenging, but not so easy either. My suitemate is real comfortable just talking to anybody. I on the other hand, don't find it so easy. I'm hungry. should I get some lunch? I haven't really had a real breakfast. Did I already say that? Hmm. so should I just get some cereal, because I'm not all that hungry, or should I get a lunch? I don't know, I'll just see what they have for lunch, and then I'll decide from my options. how does that sound? Uhh. and our elevator doesn't work. oh ya! There's another elevator. I walked three flights of stairs for nothing then? OH well. good exercise right? I didn't realize we had two elevators because I always just take the one I'm used to, but it's "temporarily out of order. " Does that mean the other one will be out of order too? Hmm. I'll go see. ok. I guess that's about it. Maybe I should start another diary. I finished the first one I had. I've had it since I was about 12. It's kind of funny looking back at all the things I wrote about.

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well, today was ok in te beginning, I met lucy for our first class and we sat together we pretty much spent most of the day together I just didn't realize how easy it was to spend time with someone new. she is just someone who's easy to get a long with but after walking around campus for a million years we came to jester to check out the learnsing skills center and there was so much stuff there to help us study and do homework for cal and chem. the lady there was so nice and helpful, the trip was really worthwhile. I tried to buy stamps from the vending machine, but it just wouldn't take my money. I had to go back and forth too many times. finally I bought some out of the other machine where I didn't get ot chose which stamps I wanted which kinda pissed me off. then we went to dobie to visit karen and christy. while we were there I had fun. but then my ankle started hurting a lot and I guess I just walked on it too much. we went to eckerds to get my pictures and a lot of them look good. I was kinda mad that the pictures of the flowers and such I took got messed up and I can't retake them. oh well. I was kinda scared walking all the way back to kinsolving because ppl could see my injured ankle and someone could've just come up and assaulted me. at the time, I was kinda hoping someone would cause there's just so much stuff here that's depressing. when I got home, I was about to cry cause I was thinking again about how no one comes over here to visit me. I mean, who are my real friends (that is if I have any) they're so lazy they can't even come over here to visit. no one really calls me either. I just don't know how to describe it cause I know if I REALLY wanted to talk to them I could just call, but well, no one really calls me. it's just frustrating cause while erin's out all these ppl always call and when she's over she's on the phone so much and she goes out every night. i know I don't need to go out and be on the phone all the time, it's just that it's really lonely not hving anyone over here all the time to keep me company. maybe if erin and I were more talkative or she was home more often. i don't know, it's just weird. what am I supposed to do about stanley? I mean, I actually would've gotten into a relationship with him even though I know it'd just be physical, but sometimes that's what I need. the touch of someone who cares. but I guess stanley doesn't really care. he just was thinking of himself and how he needed to satisfy his urges. it's not fair! it's not fiar at all that I have to be here alone when I see so many ppl on the outside who have b/f and g/f and they don't really look like they deserve them. I don't know where to go f/ here cause I feel so lonely a lot and no one can really understand how I feel. crying right now. i don't even feel as though god understands or can hear how troubled I am. i just wish that there was someone who REALLY cared, someone who'd ALWAYS be here for me. but it's like I can't REALLY count on anyone. everyone has their own life. and it's always about them. i don't like being alone. if I just killed myself, I could end all this, but I don't want to. but I do. i need to find out what the future will be like. even if I never find someone who appreciates me, if I can just somehow find some happiness. just a little. go one day where I don't cry or think about being lonely. just a little something. it's not fair. what do I do? it's hard to go on each day trying to endure the battles that come with each day. trying to face the hardships. if only I could do what I really wanted to do. scrapbooks and drawing and painting have money to do what I wanted to. build my dream house. design it, oversee the construction. one day. that's my dream. to have a wonderful house to live in. where I can go to find myself at peace. a weight room, sauna, spa, pool, greehouse, huge living room with a giant entertainment center, huge bedroom and bath, huge windows. a painting art room, dojo, so many things I want to do. but I don't know if that will bring me happiness. how am I supposed to be happy if I can't share the big house with someone I love. someone who loves me back. loves me as much as I love them. it's hard to think of what love is when I think that I've been there, and not been able to feel the same f/ the other person. what am I doing here anyway?? there's nothing for me now. i'm so alone. alone in this room with no one calling me, asking me to do anything. what kind of friends do I have? no one is as considerate as me or maybe as sensitive as me. i just don't like being alone. if someone wanted to ask me out, in desperation. like donald said, being in love with the thought of being in love. maybe that's what I've been in with anthony. but I really thought he was the one. the one I could spend my life with . will I ever be able to fine someone to end my loneliness?

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I don't know if anyone will read this or not. Right now I have a huge headache from that survey. Some of those questions are ridiculous. I am not sure how many people are scared of sleeping dogs. Anyway, the "gay" questions really made me think. All of my friends tell me that it is a sin because the Bible says it is. So I think I answered that question how they would of and not me. But I do feel that a gay couple should NOT be able to adopt a child. What kind of life is that? The child would endure unnecessary criticism. My boyfriend lives in Oklahoma. I miss him so much. It is hard to watch everyone else be happy together. My suitemate is constantly with her guy. Basically I am jealous. I don't know why. I never considered myself a jealous person. Sitting here talking about relationships, makes me want to call him. My phone bill this month is going to be out of control. My parents are going to kill me. School- I am kind of worried about the whole thing. I never had to try that hard in high school and I was in the top 10%. but everyone at Texas is somewhat smart or they wouldn't be here. I heard that Texas had to accept around 3,000 freshman that were in the top 10%. I was at the bottom of that spectrum. I wish it would be 20 min. already. I am so tried. I have large amounts of homework to do today. As I sit here there are lots of people passing in church outfits. I feel guilty that I didn't go this morning. At home (Houston) my family went every Sunday at 7:30. My mom is weird. Why would you go at 7:30 when you could go at 9:30, 10:45, or 12:30. She makes me so mad sometimes. Last night we got in this fight over plane tickets to Oklahoma. My boyfriend and I were going to split the price but she wants him to pay since his family has millions. She is such a snob. I never understood why though. Actually I am surrounded by a lot all the time. I just finished "rushing". What an experience! I am so glad it is over. My time is almost up. I can't wait to stop typing. My eyes hurt and I still have that headache. I complain way to much. Alright bye.

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Tonight I get to go to a date dash function with my new sorority. Some of my friends set me up with a guy that I have never met before. I can't wait to meet him. I hope he is nice and at the same time, good looking! This week has been good. All my classes are going well, so I feel confident about them and life in general. Lunch today was especially good, since I haven't eaten a real meal in a few days. I love college. It's so good to not have to worry about a curfew and letting my parents know exactly where I am going to be, etc. I love my roommate, and we have almost the same schedule, so that works out perfectly. Last night, I typed an extrememly long letter to a friend that I hadn't talked to in a few weeks, so my fingers are still kind of tired from typing then. That's ok, though, because I am getting some homework done early, so that I don't have to worry about it later on. That is definitely a good feeling. I am also feeling excited because I saw two guys on campus this morning that I know from high school. Ever since the first day of classes, I had been wanted to see someone I knew. It just happens that those two that I saw today were also some of the cutest and most popular guys that I know. Lucky me! This gum that I'm chewing is from a blow pop that I finished a few minutes ago, and it is already losing its flavor. Those things never last long at all. I have a problem with one of my classes. see, I swam all throughout junior high and highs school, and I want to continue in college, but every time I want to do something, the class is in the way. I've already changed the time once, but it still causes conflicts. That is very stressful. I don't know if I should change it to an early time because then, I would have to take a shower in between classes, and it might be a pain. But then at least I'd have time to go to my sorority meetings and all the fun parties and stuff. But would I have time to take my regular naps in between my classes like I usually do? No, I don't think I would. Let's see. which is more important? I guess more things will come up in the evenings than in the mornings, so it might be better to change to that early time. I just don't know. WOw, I have like nine minutes left. THis isn't such a bad assignment. Psychology is actually really fun. I've only been to two classes, but the professor is really funny and definitely keeps my attention, which is hard to do for an hour and a half. I hope the tests aren't too hard, though, because I'm not that great at analyzing and stuff. I took psychology in high school, and it was way different. My teacher bored us to death, and we learned practically nothing. It was the easiest class ever! I am going home to Houston this weekend, which is very exciting because all my friends from different colleges are coming home, too. We are all going to go see Clay Walker, my favorite country singer. My ex-boyfriend will also be in town. I haven't seen him in over two months. He goes to West Point in New York and had to leave in late June. I talk to him every once in awhile, but I miss him so much. We are still great friends, and I can't wait to see him again. We dated for a year and three months, so its strange not to see him at all anymore. This gum is really ready to be thrown away, but I'll wait for my four more minutes to do so. I have one more class today, and that is a study hall calculus. Those are never stressful, since the T. A. just helps us with some problems like our homework. He's a nice guy. The first time all we did was say our names and stuff like that, but I'm sure we'll actually accomplish something today. At least I hope so. Getting to know people is good, but I really needed some help with a couple of those problems! Well, I guess it has been twenty minutes, so I better go. Hope anyone who reads this is having a great time! :)

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14

I FEEL REALLY TIRED NOW. I JUST COMPLETED MY PRE TESTING NOW,. THE TIME IS SO LATE NOW, I WONDER IF I WOULD BE ABLE TO STUDY MY PSYCHOLOGY BOOK TODAY. THERE IS NOBODY IN THE COMPUTER LAB TODAY. I THINK I AM DEVELOPING A HEADACHE. I HAVE SO MANY STUDYING TO DO THIS WEEKEND. I HAVE MY PHYSICS HOMEWORK TO DEAL WITH, MY CALCULUS 3 HOMEWORK TO WORK OUT, MY BIOCHEMISTRY HOMEWORK TO DO. GEES THAT SOUDS LIKE A WHOLE LOT TO DO. TODAY HAS BEING HELL FOR ME. TO START OFF, I LOST MY CREDIT CARD. I WISH I WAS AT HOME RIGHT NOW. I COULD WEAR I SMELL SOETHING BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. I WONDER WHAT MY SISTERS ARE DOING NOW. I AM SURE THEY WANT ME HOME. BHUT I HAVE OTHER PRIORITIES TO TAKE CARE OF, LIKE STUDYING. I HAVE TO DO EXCELLENTLY WELL THIS SEMESTER, TO BRING UP MY GPA AVERAGE. SO FAR I THINK MY CALCULUS CLASS IS GOING ON FINE. My PHYSICS CLASS IS ALSO GOING ON FINE. I WONDER HOW MY LAB WOULD BE LIKE. I HOPE I DO VERY WELL IN THE CLASS. I JUST HAVE FAITH THAT THIS SEMESTER IS GOING TO BE GOOD. I KNOW IT IS. I AM GOING TO TRY AND DO MY BEST. I NEED A GIRL IN MY LIFE. HOW CAN I EVER GET A GIRL, WHEN I AM JUST TO PICKY. WHY NOSA WHY?I JUST CAN HELP THE WAY I FEEL. I MEAN IT IS ME, I CAN'T HELP IT. I AM LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT GIRL, NOT A SUPERFICIAL GIRL, NOT A FAKE GIRL, A REAL, BEAUTIFUL, INTELLIGENT AND FUNNY GIRL. SOMEBODY THAT WOULD MAKE ME LAUGH, SOMEBODY THAT COULD ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM. SOMEONE TO LOVE ME MORE THANANYTHING IN THE WORLD, SOMEONE THAT WOULD DIE FOR ME. SOMEONE THAT WOULD LIKE TO GROW OLD WITH ME AND STILL LOVE ME THEN. IF I COULD JUST FIND THAT SPECIAL PERSON, I WOULD BE THE HAPPIEST MAN OF ALL. IS IT TOO MUSH TO ASK FOR. I MEAN I AM A GOOG LOOKING GUY AND QUITE A NICE GUY TOO. WHAT MORE COULD A WOMAN NEED. I AM SWEET. SWEET AS AN APPLE PIE. I KNOW THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE FOR ME. MY SOUL IS SEARCHING TO FIND YOU. I JUST HOPE HER SOUL IS SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE LIKE ME. WELL BACK TO REALITY. STUDYING. I GOT TO GO STUDY. I FEEL HUNGRY AND SLEEPY.

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30

Writing about what I am thinking will be a new experience for me. I just got back from psychology class, so naturally I am thinking about psychology. The way I learn is that I review everything said in class in my mind for at least 30 minutes after class. Now that I am doing the writing assignment I have other things to think about. my roommate is cleaning out the refrigerator. I honestly think that she is one of the most histerical persons in the world. my other two roomates are engrosed in the television which basically means that they are compeletely useless for the next four hours (unresponsive to almost anything excep for maybe a fire in the house) maybe they will talk to my roommate that is cleaning out the frig. during a comercial. Kate, the one cleaning out the frigerator just called the two couch potatoes re and tard, that made me laugh. Trying to keep one line of thought is really hard for me. I listen to everything that goes on around me and have to have a thought about it. It makes it really dificult for me to study most of the time. I cannot study at home because I have to talk to all my roommates or listen to them being crazy or something normal (that does not happen very often around here though) I also cannot study at libraries because I am a people watcher. I like to just sit and watch people. I learn a lot about people that I don't even know just by watching them interact with their friends, or even how they walk. I also suffer from severe migranes, which makes my life interesting when I get a really bad one. I think I have almost overcome them, but I do have one right now. all I have to say about it is AGHHHHHHHH. My mind almost automatically switches to thinking about Alexander when I have nothing else to think about. he is my best friend and I love hanging around him. he just broke up with his girlfirend and I just broke up with my boyfriend so we have a lot of crying to do around each other. my exboyfriend was really bad for me. it took me two and a half years to be able to say that outloud. I think the only reason that I went out with him, and stayed with him was because he was the first guy to acknowledge my existence. I guess I didn't have very much self esteme when I met him, but now I do, and now I realize how bad he was for me. Alright, it think that my 20 minutes are almost up, so I am going to go eat something and get ready for water polo practice. adios.

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24

My main thoughts right now consist of music. I am thinking of a new song that I wrote about my thoughts on the people that I have seen at UT. Music I feel is the greatest thing in the world because I get to release all my emotions through a song. I think most people do not understand music or in that same since the love for sound and melody. These reasons have helped me to conclude why people like bad music like boy bands. Surely anybody with any amount of intelligence could see that these bands or groups, have no talent except that they can sing other peoples songs. I don't believe any of them write their own songs, so I can't see why people would think they are talented. This brings me to something else I do not like about people, they are generally fake. What I mean by this is that they do everything to impress others and not them selves. For example, people try to fit in with a crowd by wearing certain types of clothes and name brands of everything. This things I do not do and hopefully never will. I feel that people really do not know what they want or even how to get to where they do know. I thought by coming to UT that I would see less of this type of attitude from people but I now know that this is not the case and people are like that everywhere go in life. From this point I would like to say that UT is great(except for parking)and that I do like more people here then I did in high school. I am not sure what I want to do with the education I am receiving from this school but I hope that very soon I will recognize my calling in life.

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22

well, here I am. writing this essay. ok sorry that was a bit corny. you know. well I just got done taking my first college test in chemistry. it wasn't too bad I guess. but the fact that I stayed you till 2:30 in the morning didn't help much. last night I went to a place called posse. it's a bar that a lot of the people in the band go to. I had a blast! of course I drove and so I had to drive back which wouldn't have been so bad except that it was raining last night. I have a C parking permit. yeah. it's the one that makes you park across the interstate. can you see me running across the interstate soaking wet? it wasn't too much fun. but I got here and got my materials, and started studying in my soaking wet clothes (I had to stay clothed cause I was in my hallway. my roommate was asleep and I didn't want to wake him up. ) I studied a bit, and then got kinda bored with it so I went and got my guitar and played it out in my hallway. I'm pretty sure I broke some rule about quiet hours, but it didn't seem to bother anyone. I was quiet and the songs were soft and pretty. I like to play guitar before I go to bed. it helps me wind down. actually I like to play the guitar anyways. it's such a chick magnet. I have gotten a lot of play just cause I can play the guitar. it's nice. and it's therapeutic. playing guitar that is. I would expect getting booty is pretty therapeutic in some way, but that's not what I'm talking about. it helps me with my problems. I'm not too sure how. well, I guess it just helps me express my emotions and get them out of my system. I like it anyways. I love music. not only listening to it, but performing it as well. I'm in the longhorn band! now that kicks total ass! I mean it's huge, it's a lot of fun, and we get into all the games for free! and actually, this is the best part, WE GET PAID TO GO TO THE OU GAME! YES, THAT'S RIGHT, THEY GIVE US MONEY TO GO TO THE OU GAME! I love thinking about that. all those poor kids with their bracelets. oh well. such is life. I love football too! and what better place to go than here! our football team kicks ass!@! ok. so I don't know where to go from here. hmm. I guess I could talk about how weird it is that when we're asked to think about anything the first thing we do is well, not really think. ya know? is that due to nervousness? is it just some bad habit that teenagers and adults of late have acquired? who knows. I was talking to a friend in your class and she said that she was going to have a hard time wetting this. I think this is pretty easy. I'm fairly scatterbrained so it's cool. I've been noticing this more and more lately. I know I don't have add or anything, but I find myself being absent minded every once in a while. I wonder if add is a real thing. I mean I never really disputed it, but I have friends that think that add is a problem of will power. but who knows. alright. 4 minutes left. what shall I write about for 4 minutes. I'm sure there are some other ramblings I could think of. I play the sax. yeah. I like it. my biology class sucks, both of them really. my 212 is better than my 211 but who cares. I guess I should learn to like them though cause biology is my major. I want to go premed. and become a surgeon. we'll see how that goes I guess. if I don't make it in that, I'll probably switch to music. it would be nice and a music degree from UT has literally a 100% job acceptance rate. that is no lie. and that's a really good deal. we have a great music program here. we also have an awesome social life here. there's always something to do and someone to talk to . ooooooooooohhhh! less than a minute! almost through! what should I write!?!?! I don't know! oh I know! I'll write about

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30

the tv in here is always too loud. I know I shouldnt watch it while I study but its kind of hard with people in and out all the time anyway. and the fan is always too cold. but thats ok because I just ran all the way over here since I thought that I had missed the deadline for this. that really scared me. I have been slacking off way more than I should. I hate the way on awards shows try to kick people off stage subtley with light music or commercials. its just kind of rude. I don't know why they make such a big deal about the emmys anyway. tv is not good. rots the brain. I think computers do it much more. I always have headaches after staring at a screen for a while. my head hurts already. I am so glad this is going to be in on time. and I'm missing a bit of study hall anyway and that is good. I love kevin costner. too bad hes getting a little old. and he did that movie post man. this week is going to be harder than the first two. I think. I need to go to those si sessions. my shoulders itch and I really need to figure out what I'm going to do this weekend. I need to just make a decision and stick to it for once. I really need a haircut this week. I am a little on the shaggy side. there are certain things that I do miss about home now that I'm actually gone. I'm not the type to get homesick but I at least knew my way around for simple things like haircuts. and I had options. here I am pretty much stuck with whatever is closest. this assignment is going on forever. I think I was a little worried that it was late. so I got a little excited when it came to typing. thank god lindsey was wrong. I love the show friends. but I quit falling for all those reatarded teen shows. can't stand them. hopefully I can fill up the space before I run out of time. or things to say. atleast my computer is finally working. I fell dumb that I couldnt set it up myself. I'm better off than my roommate though. she had never sent an email before saturday. pretty lame if you ask me. crap I forgot to call that guy about the football tickets. I would be so excited if I got to go to dallas on friday. I miss those people. not the alchoholism though. this better not delete or crash right now. would be too typical . not really. this is like writing a big letter or email. but this is a lot more boring because instead of actually talking to a person who has any idea of who I am or what I'm like I'm just talking to myself. I'm actually talking to a computer screen which is even sadder. but no one is going to be reading this so I guess it doesn't matter. as long as I turn this in. I'm so bored right now and all I can think about is that I have to do another one. not good. blah blah blah. I think I'm done.

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30

I should have done this assingment sooner. It is a different type of assignment from ones I usually get. It is hard to write out what I am thinking about. I can't seem to put my thoughts into words, or maybe I can but I just don't want to tell anyone about somethings that I think about, especially someone I don't really know. I think that is the reason I put off this assignment for so long. I didn't know if I wanted to just pour out all of my thoughts into this assignment. I don't know if I thought I would be ambarrassed with my thoughts or if I just wanted to keep them secret. Not that any of them would be embarrassing. I think that I mostly just didn't want to have to write them down. It doesn't seem that writing down your thoughts would be very difficult, but once you actually sit down and try to track your thoughts your mind goes blank, or you try to think of something interesting to think about. I was thinking about going to work tonight and wondering if I would actually get off at nine. I also thought about an internet friend from Kansas who I haven't talked to in a while. But I didn't think those were too interesting to write about so I began to think about other things. It is amazing how you can think about so many different things sometimes and at others times you can't think of anything. Just the other day, I was trying to write a philosophy paper and I thought I would be able to write it very easily. But when I actually sat down and began to put my thoughts into words on the paper it came to be extremely difficult. I knew what I wanted to say but it was hard for me to elaborate my thoughts to fill two pages for the assignment. I became frustrated and disappointed with myself brecause I couldn't expand my thoughts. I believe that I could have written a beautiful paper but at the times I sat down to work on it my brain seemed to go blank and I couldn't think of the right words to use or how to make my sentences make sense. I htink that I have this problem often, but usually I can overcome my "writer's block" simply by putting the assignment away for a while and trying to write again later. I think that is another reason I put this assignment off for so long. I made it seem harder than it really is and made myself have "writer's block. " I seemed to not be thinking about anything so I couldn't just put my thoughts down. I was also worried about writing about the right things, but I realized it doesn't mater what I write about, it is just supposed to be what I am thinking. These twenty minutes have actually gone by pretty fast and I feel good about myself for just getting this assignment done and not procrastinating any more. I have definetly learned to do these assignments right away and that I don't have to think too much about them. I just need to write and not worry about how "stupid" I think they sound.

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9

I have to go to the SI unit and then the Crew meeting and come home, shower, get ready, and meet Ann and Chad for dinner. I should have some time tonight to do homework. I'm still tired from last night, maybe I can take a nap sometime today. Otherwise, I can always sleep in tomorrow. Having only afternoon classes will be interesting. My lab might be hard because it's at night, but it seems really lax. It's such a difference from the chem labs. I'm so glad it doesn't seem hard at all. I hope my physics lab is easy as well. One can only hope. Not having lab the first week is nice. It worked out well so I could be home to help my parents help move our stuff. It's such a pain to have to move when school is already in session. I'm a little shocked the manager didn't have us sign the lease before we moved in. I hope that's not an indication of how much she cares about the renters. At least there's a lady downstairs who has lived here for 20 years that knows everything about this place. It's so nice having an apartment right next to a bus stop. I think it's fate we moved in here. After all the hassles we've had it looks like its going to be worth it. I still have to hang up all my clothes, but everything else is done. I can't forget to meet Dan at 10am on Monday in the PCL to work on physics homework. It's 6 pages long. I hope it's as easy as the first homework. It still took a while to finish though. From 7pm to 1am. This time I'll start earlier. I'm glad that my sister is coming in town, but she picked a bad weekend. I have a lot of reading to do and 2 tests to study for. I need to start seriously studying the PCAT. I can't believe I almost missed the deadline on that again. This is ridiculous. I hope I get into UT Austin. That's the only place I'd really like to go. Except maybe UCSF or University of Washington. UCSF is probably too expensive. I'd want to live in San Fran when I have money so really I only want to got o Pharmacy school in Austin or Seattle. The only thing about Seattle is I hope Sylvia has gotten cleaner. I know she never cooks anymore, so probably. We'd have to get a bigger place than what she has now and I might just have to leave all my stuff here and buy new stuff. That's going to be expensive. I hope whatever happens, Mom and Dad aren't disappointed in me. They need a web page for PAC so I know when I need to get in line and for what. The draw system for the football team is so much more efficient, even though they don't give out all the information I need either. Maybe next year I won't buy either. It's so much of a pain. I don't even feel like going. I bet that's how they make their money. I don't know about the plays, but at the games students get crappy seats. I know they were trying to improve that, I wonder if that went through. Probably not. As a whole, UT just cares about money and not the poor students. That's why alumni get everything. Good luck to the "sick" staff.

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21

It is 4:59 and I have some time to kill while waiting to beat rush hour traffic back to my apartment. I can't help but think it would be sad, for some reason, if all that I am going to write here is going to be lost in a sea of other streams of consciousness, that I will only be graded for the fact that I did it and not examined for the content of my mind. Does everyone hold their mind as sacred? I can't help but instinctively correct my misspellings, so in this way I guess I am somewhat obsessive/compulsive. It's quite liberating to intentionally let it go for a few minutes. This openended assignment, pouring out my mind onto a computer screen page and what do I have to say? This 20 minutes is oddly precious to me because there is that slim, slim chance that someone will read it and be curious or something anything to analyze me take interest show me who I am sometimes I think that's what life is about everyone trying to be seen, heard, thought of, appreciated, hated, loved, whatever allows them to express the energy, the thoughts, the storm inside. this is horrible writing and yet I wish I had had many assignments like this in the past, free writing, free from restrictions and completely for the purpose of interpreting my thought structure. Who doesn't want to be analyzed? Who doesn't want to analyze? I know that I am biased and can only assume that there are others with the opposite desires of mine, ones who seek to hide and let others speak, be seen, be criticized, revered just watchers, "voyeurs". I had a conversation with a couple of friends in a pool one night in which we were talking about our fringe sexuality, what we preferred to do, which roles we like to take. My friends considered themselves "voyeurs" and I had to admit that I am more of an exhibitionist, watch me watch me dance, hear me speak, smell me, form your own opinions I only seek to give you something to focus your attention on if that's cool with you. It strikes me as funny that I am speaking to you in the first person, as if this is going to be read, and if it is does it strike you as funny that I am talking to you to the extent that I can, rather than just writing and perhaps addressing things more formally or in the abstract, using different pronouns? I was thinking in class today, oh. some of these people are not used to thinking or being taught to think in a rational objective and scientific manner. I thought again about how different I feel from the freshman now, how my perspective has changedooh ten minutes is up and I feel like I've written a lot. If I were a TA I would sort through these, being very curious and interested in the beginning, and towards the end as I read more and more streams of consciousness my interest would wane and I would look for the shorter ones to read, just to lighten my burden of grading them. But perhaps you have already taken this into consideration and are "true to science" YAY! making sure that you choose these completely randomly. I am constantly thinking of people in terms of astrology because it has been a hobby of mine, it supplies me with a wealth of descriptions for different aspects of personality, interaction and life and yet I cannot defend it as scientific, but is something that is unscientific still useful? It has certainly given people (I've talked to) different slants on their problems and concerns, it seems that there is all kinds of analysis that though unscientific can be incidentally helpful to people. I don't discount science, I do believe in the value of scientific testing to a certain extent, as long as we don't lose the other helpful methods in the process. It's a tough tough thing. Of course 99% of everything you are going to see is either subjective entirely or subjective under the pretense of being (somewhat or completely) scientific, which is dangerous I can imagine. But as long as one admits the subjectivity and conditions of what they propose, isn't that honest enough to move on and get something out of it? I have been asking a lot of questions! How defining of me! Now I (as usual) will consciously battle myself over questioning. I will try to stick to statements and feel very stupid for doing so, give into questioning perhaps, and then sooner or later, 3 minutes actually the time will be up. Well love and life and craziness and all the things I thought I would end up saying are not surfacing here, although I think of all of them regularly death, sex, friends, jobs, spirituality, drugs, sex ha ha ha. life life life. why is it that somehow writing gets blocked in the middle of an easy flow? I think I remember once reading about oh shit I lost my train of thought oh yeah, I think it might have been Carl Jung (one of my favorites) talking about how people's hesitation in experimental games like word association indicates an issue awakened at the hearing of a word. Those few seconds that you pause when someone says "mother" or something, those tell your therapist everything ha HA! Uhoh time's up. This has been vaguely spellchecked, just enough so you can understand which words I was using. Thank you very much.

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23

I am a sophomore at UT. I am very excited about doing this assignment because I just received my email account. The whole technology thing really amazes me. I am very excited about taking this class because I am interested in the study of people and how their minds work. I am a little undecided on my major, and who knows: this may be my calling. Well, maybe! This is very fun for me being here on the world wide web. I feel like I've been in the dark for so long. I'm sitting here wondering what the people around me are doing? Are they browsing or doing actual work. My guess is that they're doing important stuff, like I am doing. I'm looking forward to exploring other websites after this because like I said this is my first time on line. Now I can talk to my international friends and actually be in contact with my professors and teaching assistants. I have no idea how I made it through a whole year without an account. I guess that's why I missed a lot of posted assignments. O. K. now my hands are getting tired because it's been a whole summer since I've actually done work. But let me tell you it was a pretty exciting summer. I saw friends that I haven't seen in a while and had some wild and crazy times. I should have gone home to save money, but instead I stayed in a very expensive apartment on West Campus and spent all the money I worked so hard for on bills, etc. I am a waitress at Cafe Serrano's. It's a bit fun at times, and I make money on occasion. It really makes my whole opinion and view of people change. I mean, I really try to respect everyone for who they are, but when you're constantly waiting hand and foot on a bunch of stingy, angry people it kind of gets you down on people as a whole. It's a fun environment behind the scenes. I have some fun times with some great friends. We goof off and joke around, and we even hang out after work. I'll have to cut back on the hanging out part with school starting again. My boss thought it was a good idea to work me 50 hours this week. So, I'm pulling my hair out here. I'll tell her tomorrow that I cannot work this much while taking classes. I'll have a nervous breakdown. I do need the hours to pay bills, but I might be able to make it with only a few shifts a week. After all waitressing pays pretty good money when the business is there, you know. If all else fails, I'll beg my parents for a loan. whew now my hands are really tired. I realize that this is nothing compared to some of the stuff I will be writing; however, I still need to get warmed up for the semester. God, I can't wait until Christmas break. I love the holidays so much. I'm never in such a good mood as I am then, unless I have just been dumped by the man of my dreams which doesn't happen every year but it does and that is wh6y my feelings towards men is a very negative one. Actually I love the opposite sex, but at the same time I want to kill every one of them. Actually I am just waiting for Mr. Right and when I settle for Mr. alright for now that's when the crap hits the fan. Well it's been fun but my time's up. I guess I'll visit next time for assignment 2. Later!

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17

Losing my best friend the day before classes started doesn't necessarily "enhance" my college experience. So much has been circulating through my head. Why did this happen? She and her sister had so much to live for, and now they are both dead because of a freak accident. A careless mistake took the only two children their parents will know to be their own. In a perverted way I find the situation ironic. Alice had done so many stupid things in her life and come away from them without a scratch, but her sister took a turn too fast and it took both of their lives. I find myself unable to think too much about it recently. I am able to say "my best friend just died" but I haven't found it possible to truly feel the extent of pain that I do. I find myself going through the day forcing a smile here and there, a laugh if I hear something funny, but I have never had such a consistent view of the sidewalk. I am polite to the girls in my dorm, but I am somehow furious that they don't understand my pain. I wouldn't either if someone had come to me with this situation three weeks ago. No one does until it affects you personally. It's like one of those after-school specials on teen-aged depression. I find myself shutting down sometimes and hating the world. If I believed in a god, it would only be one more person to hate and blame for this. I know I need to make new friends but can only wish to see and talk to my old friends, friends that understand. I know I need to get out and do things, but the thought of socializing with strangers frustrates the hell out of me. I find myself going through phases of denial, then rage, then depression, and then denial again. Sometimes I want to put my fist through the wall, other times I want to curl up in a little ball and just stay there for weeks. Sometimes nothing seems important. What good does it do to strive for perfection if it can all be taken away that quickly? What good does it do to have people close to your heart, if it only hurts that much more when you lose them? Of course I know the answers to these questions, but recently I've challenged everything I have trusted to be true.

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this is really weird. what am I doing here. what am I supposed to write about. who came up with this assignment anyway. well whatever. ill just do it and ill get the credit and that's it. I wonder where nauman is right now. I called him but no answer. where could he be. I had fun this weekend. I think. well it was better then what I normally do, stay home and watch tv. I wonder what Woren and Sahara are up to. I don't spend anytime with friends anymore. I want to go back to Dallas and see everyone. well I guess I can do that this weekend when I go back. its hot in here. its so hot everywhere. well actually I don't want to go back home this weekend. in a way I do, and in a way I don't. I feel like I'm keeping a journal. oh crap I think my contacts are about to pop out. see if I go home this weekend, then I will be giving up freedom. but if I don't go home this weekend then, my parents will be like why don't you want to come home? do you like austin that much that you don't even want to come see your family anymore?? which of course is not true. I actually don't like austin. well it smells everywhere in austin. dobie smells, dobie garage smells, Wal-Mart smells, Foleys smells, everywhere, austin stinks, literally. I wonder how farzana and Carey are at Baylor. I'm glad they came down this weekend. otherwise I would have been bored off my butt. you can really count on family to be there for you when you need them. but sometimes it can be really annoying. like my mom, everyday, what did you do, did you go to class, did you eat, what did you eat. it gets on my nerves. but I love her. I guess I am kind of looking forward to going home. I mean I get to see all my friends again. and sabeen is going to Dartmouth so I can say bye to her to before I leave. but I think the hardest thing to do will be the transitions on Friday and Sunday. I'm here now and I want to stay here, not keeping moving again and again. I hate change. and then if I go home this weekend, then ill have to pack and say goodbye to everyone on Sunday, and I hate good-byes. they are so sad and then when I'm say bye, ill want to come back to Dallas, and ill hate austin even more. that's why I don't want to go back. this feels kind of good like typing all this. maybe ill start keeping a log or something so I can put all my thoughts in it. my hands are getting tried now. I never realized how long 20 mins really was. how much longer do I have? 8 more mins. great. where in the hell is Nauman? what is he doing?? I'm going to call him after this and see if he's there now. he better be. I miss him. I wonder if he misses me too. I hope so. when is he coming back to austin. I could go see him this weekend, but we both know that's not going to work. his friends are all going home this weekend so he'll want to spend time with them and his parents are out of town so I'm sure he'll want to go out with them. but then what about me? What about unlimited weekends??? rrahhh. this is frustrating. I wonder if he is still in love with him old girlfriend. I think he is. but whatever. I don't care. he can be in love with him old girlfriend. who cares. I'm just going to let things happen. I mean that is the best way right. you can't make someone fall in love with you. actually I myself don't know if I really like him. its weird. when I'm not with him, I really want to be with him and when I'm with him, its just ok. I mean I do like spending time with him, he's really funny and the time flies when where together, but its just not what I expect it to be. I guess it will just take time. ok 3 more mins. great. that wasn't that bad. I guess ill do the other assignment tomorrow since you can't do both on one day. I have so much to do today. that stupid BA 101 assignment is due today and I have to d the prestesting for psy, but the stupid WebPages isn't working for it. just my luck, since I want to use it, its not working. I wonder if I really have to read those 2 books for class tomorrow. if we do, I'm screwed. I wonder what Mona and charu look like. he talks about them all the time. I wonder if I met them, what they would think of me and what he has told them about me so far. where is he. let me go call him right now! should I email him? Well if I could ever get my stupid email to work, I would. how come he doesn't email me? oh yeah , wait he does doesn't he. I don't know how he emailed me when he was here. I mean I wouldn't have done it if I was him. I don't think at least. I mean he had a girlfriend and everything going. how did he do it? well whatever it was, I'm glad he did. ok good times up.

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It is late, and I know I should have started this earlier tonight, but I procrastinate. I wonder if the perfect guy for me is out there somewhere and thinking about me right now and I do not even know. I just put to rest my last relationship. Too bad I messed things up with a great guy for a guy who treats me badly even though I love the guy who treats me badly. I hate that he is in my head every day, every minute. I tell people I have put him out of my life, but is he really? Every time I say that he comes back into my life and I love him even more than I did the time before. I hope that God is up there on his thrown writing down in my life book that I will meet my perfect mate tomorrow and when I do I will just know that he is the one for me. I would get married at a young age if it was the right guy and he asked me to marry him. I hate when my stepmother tells me I should wait until I have lived alone for a few years before I get married. Just because that is what she did does not mean that it is what I should do. Every person is different and I should follow my heart. I'm quite scared though because my mom did not have good luck with finding a wonderful man to share her life with. I mean, my dad cheated on her and my stepfather beat her. I hope it is not genetic. I don't know if I am willing to stand out in the heat tomorrow and Thursday to draw for football tickets. I want to see the OU game, but I really want to see it from the comforts of my home. Plus, I do not have a date and everyone else will and I will feel out of place. My roommate is with her boyfriend. I am jealous of her because she has a great boyfriend and I want one too. I spotted this goodlooking guy in my philosophy discussion group and I would like to get to know him more. I have emailed him though and he hasn't emailed me back. I think that I saw him tonight while I was walking down the street, but I did not want to stare, so I could not get a very good look. I am looking forward to getting married and waking up in the same arms every morning. I even have everything for my perfect wedding planned out. I want to get married on the same day my grandparents did and I want to have a big orchestra playing my favorite slow songs. I wish that I would be walking down the aisle to Ryan, but he does not want me. If he did I would be the happiest girl in the world. He makes me feel like a princess when I am with him and he is treating me right. I only wish that one day he will open his eyes and realize what he gave up because he said he wanted to be "free". I guess I did mess things up with him though because I lied to another guy. I was just so confused this summer and I did not know what I wanted if I could not have Ryan. He would be my first choice over any guy in the world and it should not be like that because he hurts me so many times too. I just loved being with him. I wondered if my grandparents knew that they would be together for so long when they were married fiftyseven years ago. I think that is so special and I would thank God every day if I had that same thing happen to me. I am thirsty, but I am too lazy to get up right now. I hope that I can get my two friends together soon. It is weird that the guy that is like my brother now is the first boy I ever kissed. It was so long ago though. Who would have thought that he and I would be so close now that it would be like we were brother and sister?

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I did it oncer in the 11th grade and my stream of concious isn't as intersting as everyone elses conciouses it seems. I like breakfast at Hardin House except for the fact that it closes down at 9 am the whole purpose of getting 10 oclock and 11oclock classes is so you can sleep until 9:30/10:30, but that doesn't happen when you have to wake up early. I hear sdomeone coming down the hall, I wonder who it is. I think way faster than I can type. I wonder who is going to be reading this. probably some psychology grad student who can tell that I have hrrible typing skills, the problem is that I reallt can't type withpout looking at the keyboard so I have problems with it. my sweetmate is ian the shower, she doesn't vbathe very much so that's is a refreshing thing. 5 minutes down. 15 more to go, I wonder what I'll think about in the next 15 minutews, well 14 now. I need to call marlie back. that stupid psychology survey is always busy. I can't wait for my telesis to start woirking; I'm tired of using my roomates computer. I think she is tired of it to. have you ever noticed that even when someone types "she is" the reader usually reads it as "she's". I guess cause that's the way we talk. I like to write in journals and I guess that's stream of concius but I'venever been timed. matt fowler is a really smart guy. I still remember his stream of concious paper in the 11th grade. it was about chocolate mousse. hmmm. my roomates cousin is really goodlooking. I'm looking at his picture by her computer tright now. I think I'm trying to hard to come up with some thing cool to write down becasue nothing is runnign through my head right now, weell at least not slow enough to catch. I cannot believe I just let my vouicemail pickup my phone. damn, I am a devoted psychology student! okay maybe I put that in there so matt would give me a couple brownie poingts. then again is this you reading this matt? Is anyone readingthis or is this one of those do it for your own good projects? I think this could possibly be the longest 20 minutes ogf my life, I really want to check my voice mail. I'm going to be pissed if the caller didn't leave a me3ssage. I wonder what's for breakfast tomorrow. I have a lot of reading to do before my classes. the problem with college isd that everything can be put off until a later date. I've noticed that I'm hgaving a hard time not correcting some of my grammatical errors. can you imagine how hard this would be to read if I lewdft them all? I guess it's jusyt habit. rhendi has really blonde hair. I can't believe I'm putting my name on this writing it couold possibly ber used as incriminating evidence for what? I don't have a clue? I feel sorry for whoever has to read these? I wonder if Matt Fowler really wrote stream of concious or if he just wanted to sound cool so he planned it out? I don't like beer all freshmen guys are like trying to prove soething through beer I think. I don't know: just an observation. I like to sing I started my choir class today and I love it. so much better than highschool besides the fact that everyone in there is a haus my clothes are done strying. they're wrinkling because I still have 4 minutes lefgt to try and put my ming on a computer screen whoich is an impossible task. the words here represent about 5% of what has been runniong through my head. the number 5 and percentage sign are the sam ekey. wow. why are there so many houston people around? and everyopne from the nearby suburbs claims to be from Houtson too. I am not even going to read this? Why? I'll never see it again. the girl sitting next to me in class today doesn't believe in God. it surpriised me, I am the worlds most horribler typer. 20 minutes.

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This is my first year at UT and I am not used to doing everything on my own. I am scared that I am not strong enough to make it. I am trying hardest though, I do not want to disappoint my parents. I feel like there is so much to get done and I will not to be able to finish everything on time. I am also worried because I do not understand a lot of what is being taught in my classes. This is extremely frustrating because I took these classes in high school and I did well in all of them. I am confident that I will be able to pull through all of this, and hopefully I will be a stronger person for it. I do like this new environment, however. Austin is a beautiful city. I love being here, and being on my own. I feel like I am discovering so much, and it is great! I think I have all these different feelings because I am in a new place, with totally different surroundings, and most of all I am on my own. There is no one to depend on but myself. I already see how I am changing and growing. Even though everything seems so overwhelming, I love the experience!

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I am starting over again. I am real mad. I was about 15 min into my first writing and I clinked on some link and this page transferred to somewhere else and everything was lost. That sucks. That sucks. That Sucks. I do not know what else to write. FRUSTRATION. nothing is more annoying. last year at 4 am in the morning my computer froze. I lost 3 or 4 pages of work for a a research paper that was do the next morning. that was infuriating. maybe almost cried. probably not. about as angry at myself as I have ever been though. bloodied my hand on a wall I was so mad then. I'm not angry enough now to hit anything. it is only twenty minutes and I have done nothing all day. the link I clicked was so stupid. it was in my friends profile. quotes from my calc teacher last year. they weren't funny when I read them. I knew they wouldn't be anyway. but I had to click on the damn link. wish I could get that moment back. about one hundred quotes and not one was funny. the kid who made this list of quotes has way too much time on their hands. not that I don't. it is 4 in the afternoon and the only time I have been out of my dorm is too get food. nothing else so far. that is pretty sad. staring and tvs and computer screen hurts my eyes. throbbing is only word I can think of to describe my feeling. feel like going back to bed. I sleep way too much. winamp. music. weezer. play. el scorcho. god damn you half japanese girls. do it to me every time. all the red heads said you shred the jello and I'm jello baby. two won't talk won't think of me. I'm the epitome. I can't keep up typing the song lyrics. I had it going good for a while. I asked you to go to the green day concert. you said you never heard of them. I'm not going to tey and type lyrics anymore. I'm not in the mood for weezer. stop. change. bela fleck. something anyone can always listen too. no lyrics to tey and type at least. locks of dread. I hear drums and some weird keyboard type instrument. I'm not really sure. definitely a bass and maracas or something of that nature. not important. great song. I feel better. one of few songs that can make me feel better by listening to. I wonder how many words I spelled wrong/typos. go back and check. NO. ha. not that important. this is my stream of conscious. I don't think this is working. would I normally think about these things if I was not trying to record thought. only thing I think I am really thinking about is what I am thinking or what I should think next. maybe not. I confused myself. somehow I went to a page of lines or something. when I went back my time clock started at zero again. I am going to have to estimate my twenty now. why my page went squiggly line. I have no idea. I hate computers, they think they can just do whatever they want. freeze throw pop ups at you, turn off, and a million other things. machines will take over. judgment day is near. no. but terminator 2 could be greatest movie of all time. my occupation is to do what I like - this os my friends away message. a lyric of a song we both think is hilarious. glad to see him with that away message. the stars are bright and big at night - deep in the heart of texas ( clap clap clap) pee wee hermans big adventure. a lot better than big top pee wee. my friend just send me instant message: do you have a pic of prof account. " he is mad I don't understand him. I'm sorry but I don't. me means a pickaprof. com account. I have never even heard of this. should I have. I have no idea. I guess I don't really care. well after accidentally hitting back my time is messed up again and I am going to say it has been twenty minutes. I wonder if I did this right. were these thoughts too forced.

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Last night I was almost done and my computer just shut off. I don't really understand why but oh well. I don't usually understand computer stuff, or any technical stuff in general. I hope that they have my packet today at the co-op so that I can be totally done with mis before tomorrow I think that I am pretty organized in relation to homework more organized than usual at least I think that Lucy will be a good academic influence on me since she is a good studier its so much different having a roommate that studies since angie didn't do much last year but it is a good thing may be finally I will get to go to sleep earlier and that will make me healthy I still can't believe that I didn't catch mono from angie last year I have a sore throat now I hope that it goes away soon I don't really want to have to go to the health center you never know when th3ey are going out have to take blood and that really freaks me out I can't believe that it is already time to start school again this summer went by so fast and rush was such a blur and we have had no time to recuperate before jumping back into school this semester is going out be really hard and busy I think I thin k all of my classes will be really interesting, but difficult I am so glad that I was able to get out of art history and into philosophy that will be a lot more interesting it is so weird how some teachers can teacher art history so differently so many people told me that they liked it and that it was easy but I know that that class wouldn't have been easy it was such a pain to add/drop though I am so glad that it is done next weekend is the first football game I am looking forward to it I am glad that billy and I got season tickets so that I don't have to go draw or anything it s so nice to have all of them now and especially the OU tickets I doubt that I will end up going to the a and m game because I bet I will stay home for thanksgiving well, billy can invite one of this friends to go with him I can't believe that he wouldn't stay home for thanksgiving though that surprises me his mom is going to be very unhappy with him I am getting really hungry I wonder what we will do for dinner I wish that billy and I could get together but we are not on the best terms right now I can't believe that we got in such a big fight last night maybe we were just tired I hope that everything turns out okay it was nice of eric and Jeff to come over last night sometimes I miss having all those guys next door like last year we had a lot of fun last year together I am glad that Cindy and eric get to be together again, but I hope that they are prepared for what's ahead it will be hard for them to adjust out being together all the time especially when the stress from school really kicks in I am kind of getting a little homesick I am anxious to see Lauren's new car I can't believe that she is really turning sixteen I am really afraid for her to drive so I hope that mom and dad are taking her out a lot for a lot of good driving experience she really could use the practice I am anxious to see dads' new office space too I hope that he is a little less stressed I know that going out the party last night was probably pretty hard for him, but I am glad that Steve a. will be available to help him because he needs some new employees I know that mom is getting worried about him being so stressed all the time but I know that she really is glad that he is not going out Minneapolis a lot that was getting really old it was nice to see Meredith this weekend it is so weird being I'm the same city as her again I wish tat I could have gotten to see brad too, but he was busy my feelings were kind of hurt how he acted toward me at the party on Wednesday night, but I understand they both still seem pretty immature and I am kind of worried about Meredith and I hope that she is careful. I am glad that she found a date for the date dash I can't believe that they are all living on the same hall that is just a little too weird for me but that's pat for you I hope that they all have a fun year and I hope that we all keep in touch it was nice seeing Ashley this weekend too her room at the house is really nice I think that her sorority house is really nice also it is really big and it must be nice to have their own bathroom and not have to do the community thing I am glad that Lucy and I are going to go on a walk I could really use the exercise I am going to try to start aerobics tomorrow I really need too get back in shape I felt so good about myself last year when I was going to aerobics everyday I need to get back in that mode I don't think that I really lost that much weight this summer but things seem to be fitting better now. I seem to not be snacking as much as I did last year which is a very good thing I hope that the food at the sorority house gets better because it hasn't been very good lately but I think that it will get better I hope that billy calls me after he gets home from work he is working way too hard I guess that he won't work next weekend because he will be at the football game that's a good things maybe we can spend some qt together okay this is getting hard of more things to keep talking about I think that I might be repeating some of the same stuff over and over again I hat it that mom can 't really send packages to the apartment but I'm afraid that I would never get them since there is no real apartment address or anything I'm afraid that they would just leave it outside my door and then something might happen whit it I hope that Amy and Meredith had a good time with their boys this weekend I will go down later and see I have a lot of fun with them we are really similar in a lot of ways I am really glad that they are living at centennial too there are so many tridelts here it is a lot of fun I wonder where Lucy and I will walk too we need to somehow walk by the coop I hope that it is not too hot outside when I went out onto the balcony a couple minutes ago it was really hot I think that it will be fun to study out there once it gets a little cooler I am anxious for it to cool down it was so hot walking out class the other day especially to the art building I was so disgusting by the time I got back form class Mondays and Wednesdays are going to be long now that I go from one to five but Tuesdays and Thursdays will be pretty easy except this Tuesday I have that class from six to eight o'clock which really stinks I wonder why all the good shows start again I can't wait to see the friends season premier and 90210 I am so excited this year should be very good well I am going to stop this now it is now over 20 minutes

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Coming to this first year in a totally different new atmosphere for school, I knew there were many challenges. I think of the freedom of the lifestyle I'll be in as well as the work that I have to put into in getting the grades like how I did in high school. Wow, what a difference in lifestyle. I can come back to my dorm and go back to sleep after one class instead of having to go through a whole day like in high school and then finally going home and sleeping. But, its not like I don't sleep during class anyways. The ethernet connection here as had me in awe. After many years using my mediocre 33. 6 modem, the ethernet connection has been a blast. This is the first time I actually had to do an assignment online and send it online. so that's quite a change as well. I'll find that I might do less writing now, now that there are computers to do the writing for us. Living in the a dorm and around your peers usually lets u see any internal problems closeup when it happens. I've seen this already. It's not like everyday school life when you go home and ponder about the issue and go back to school the next day to see it again, or have to go on the phone and talk about it. Here, you meet the issues face to face usually, depending on where your peers live. You and your peers will get used to how each other lives, the way they eat, sleep, or drink. I'll see how I will get through this year

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As of now I wonder what will become of me at the University of Texas. These first few weeks have opened up many new experiences to me. Being able to make decisions by myself and not have to worry what my parents think is weird to me. My dad was the principal at the same high school as me which limited me to what I could and couldn't do due to the fact that he had a reputation to uphold in the community. Back in my home town people would associate me with my dad and hold me to different standards than everyone else at the school, but in college I don't have to worry about my fathers reputation and I can be the person that I really want to be. This is strange because my whole life I have had to worry what other people think of me, but these last few weeks my whole life style has changed. It is strange living away from my home town because many of my friends are there and I have lived there all of my life. I am sure I am going through the same things many other freshman are going through right now. Having to meet new friends and find my place in Austin is harder than I thought, but at the same time I like Austin a lot more than I like my hometown. My roommate is cool and it seems like we will get along fine over the year. I was worried that I would get a bad roommate because I have heard so many horror stories about bad roommates, but I guess it turns out that I was lucky. I can't wait for the next UT football game. I missed the first one against North Texas but I have my ticket for the one against Houston. Many of the people that I already know up here are going to be tailgating and have invited me to go with them to the game. Hopefully during this time I will get to see some of my ex-neighbors that I grew up with. The television is starting to get on my nervous because some dumb movie is playing and this monkey keeps making stupid noises. I find it hard to try and write for 20 minutes straight. To follow my thoughts is hard because it seems I try to hide them even from myself. I think this might be due to the fact I could never say what I thought when I was growing up. I always had to follow the norm and if I didn't my parents would scold me and tell me not to think that way. Since my parents both come from a more traditional up-bringing I don't have as many experiences as other kids have had.

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it is about 509 and my roommates comp is making some noise and it has stopped now. I am now thinking about what I will (telephone noise) do when it is 529. that is when I will stop typing. I am thinking a bout my girlfriend. she is at a and m. I have a yaga sticker on my cd case. I took my cds out of my chest the other day, I mean yesterday, becaues I am not really worried about people stealing them any more. I once heard tht people sometimes steal toher peoples' pilows. my gir(keyboard is on my lap but io just took it off because I don't like that) I wish I could type faster but I can type plenty fast enough to do what I need to do. I have not really been using a lot of instant messenger lately. there are some people that I think it would be awkward to talk to like my gf. we kind of left withoutut breaking up but we both know it will not work ou. when I told my friend adam that she felt the same as me but I showed him her email and he believed me. she is not really like most girls and I said that was cool and he agreed with me. I like to abbreviate when I typ and that comes from working on emails. I stopped for a seconnd to scroll up on the mouse because it does not move down by itself. I am now thinking how I do not type fast enough to say exactly what I think when I think it but I have to remember things (other things) as I am typing the thought that directly preceded it. my roommates are now staring at me as I type this and I am writing about it because that is what I am supposed to do. I hve stopped for a second to tell them about what the prof said today about the guy copyin gand pasting the computer manual and I thought that was pretty funny. my cousin did one of these stream of consciousness things and I don't think that I spelled that correctly. I think that this is getting pretty long enough and I will prolly cut it short before my time is up because I can. I know that rice university has the honor system and I don't know whether that would be cheating or not . it is now 518 and I have been typing for about nine minutes. whenever I write numbers I think it is easier if I just spell the number out but thinking back to this writing assignment, I have been spelling the time, so I don't know what that means. the social security comment was funny today. I accidentally came late to my french class today, the first day of school of all times, because I was playing squash and I thought it started at three instead of two. I actually think the yaga thing on my cd case is pretty cool even though yaga is not really a well known brand anymore. I would like to go to the gym todya but I would also like to et a head start on the homework because I am still pretty motivated toward school, and I hope I will keep it up but I'm really not that sure because I know that this is different thatn highschool and I think I will like it more but my french teacher today told us some fascinating things about how speech is first started in babies and I was fascinated but then I went after calsss and apologized becase I was late. there is some real audo stuff we shoudl do for homework but I would like to do it in my own room instead of in the library becaus I don't know if we have to talk in to the computer or what. I am going to go now and I'd lkike to play some squash because it is fun.

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Well, here goes. I'm listening to all of the songs i've fuond over the last few days and am slowly getting tired of them. I'm worried about my typing skills too. I've gotten worse and i can't figure out why. Maybe it's the keyboard, or maybe it's the desk. I doubt it's becuase i'm always in a hurry. Why would that be it? I really like this next song though. I hope my roommate is able to get to the movie tonight because i don't want her to miss it. I'm glad that i found someone to go with though. That would be horrible if i hadn't! I'm getting really frustrated that i can't seem to get this Welcome Package! Really, who locks their doors when they know everyone has to get in!! Maybe i'm just really weak and can't get in. No no. . that's not it. They locked their doors. I'm going to have to ask Sarah to go with me. I also need to call Amy. Grr. i don't want to do that , but it would be rude not to call her. What else? I need to go to the gym, but that's another thing i don't want to do alone and sarah's to lazy to go. I'm really excited that there are going to be 5 fred movies in a row this month! What luck! And a road movie!! It just proves that soemtimes dreams really do come true. hahha. well, maybe. I just hope i'm able to go home to see it because it comes on really early in the morning and i don't think my roommate would like me to much if i woke her up to watch a movie. Of course, she is a heavy sleeper, so she might not even notice. Man, my arms are getting tired. i don't why that is. i guess i should relax and just sing along. i'm singing in the rain! hmmm. . that's not working to well. I really wish i could go home more often because i do not like what the water is doing to my hair. It looks horrible, but i shouldn't care because i've never cared before. Of course, my hair has never looked to so bad before. I'm really tired too. I want to read something interesting for once. I wish I had my Entertainment Weekly already, but nooo, i have to wait till Sept. 27. That's a long time! I don't know if I can wait that long. I need something! I'm dying over here without a book! I have cable now, but that's no substitute. I am glad that the cable has TCM and Cartoon Network. It's weird how my taste changed this summer. I never thought I would be into the PowerPuff Girls, but I am. i really always thought they're name was PowDerPuff Girls. Oops. It's a cute show though. I can't decide who i like the most. It's just one of those shows where the jokes are really subtle, so it makes me feel smart when I get them. Not to many shows can do that nowadays. It's like the movies. Not to many movies make you think anymore. I really wanted to ask Stacy today if she had ever seen Charade because that is a good movie. It makes you think because who would have suspected the guy it was? Of course, once you watch it the second time it's not as good, but that first viewing is great! There are other movies too. The Game was a good one! The one with Micheal Douglas right? That's what the movie is called i believe. I was so shocked. . in fact it's been so long since I've seen it taht i really don't remember what all happened, i just know it made you think. I wish people would come out with more of those movies. Why don't they? Did they decline in popularity? The same question goes for musicals? Why don't they make dancing movies anymore? Of course I've seen some of the more recent dancing movies and they didn't do well at the box office. Maybe the plot could have been better. Plus, today everything has to do with sex appeal. If a movie doesn't have that at least in one spot it's a flop. Ginger and Fred never had to have that. I think the idea of sexual tension helped them out enough. Of course, people used to go see movies just for the actors. People today go for the actors and actresses but they also go for what happens. Why did people go see Fast and the Furious? Because they knew Vin Diesel would show off his body and everything. The movie itself was crap. the plot was zilch. Whatever happened to good comedians too? I'm listening to Jack Benny now and although I don't always understand the jokes, I can tell he was a man many people loved and admired because he's so clean. It doesn't take much to make people laugh, but today the jokes can be so dirty that it's not always funny. I admit i laugh sometimes, but you can't help but feel bad. I hope the movie tonight is worthwhile. Everyone says it's great, obviously because it's a box-office hit. I think it's so great that there's a place where one can view movies for free. Who knew that college would be so nice? I miss my family a lot but i like being able to go out and do other things without having to ask first. I do feel like i have to ask but something stops me everytime. Mom doesn't have to know everything. haha. I hope everyone comes up here soon. Ok, the sound effects man on this episode is rather annoying. After listening to a radio show once you don't want to listen to it to often. The same goes with songs, but i can deal with that. I need to find a Tv guide so i know when Seinfeld and Raymond comes on. It bothers me that i'm missing those. I don't like the guide on the TV, it's hard to follow. Plus, it would be nice to have the guide like at home.

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23

I REALLY DON'T KNOW OR THINK THAT I HAVE HAVE ANY CHANCE OF FINISHING COLLEGE. I FEEL SOMETIME THAT THE ONLY REASON I AM HERE IS FOR MY PARENTS AND FAMILY AND THE SATISFACTION THAT I WILL FEEL WHEN THEY ARE ALL TOGETHER AT MY HOUSE FOR MY GRADUATION PARTY. I PERSONALLY FEEL THAT COLLEGE IS A OLD WAY OF THINKING. I FEEL THAT ONE IS BROUGHT UP TO BELIEVE THAT THEY HAVE TO FOLLOW A CERTAIN TRACK IN LIFE ALL TO OFTEN. WITH THE WAY THAT THE ECONOMY IS NOW AND THE WAY THAT JOB SECURITY IS, I FOUND IT HARD TO BELIEVE IN THE BELIEF THAT ONE SHOULD GO TO COLLEGE GET AN EDUCATION AND GO OFF INTO TO WORK FORBE AND WORK THERE WAY UP THE COPORATE LADDER. A LADDER THAT HAS BEEN LAID OUT BY PEOPLE WHO HAD THE KNOWLEDGE TO KNOW THAT IN MOST CASES COLLEGE AND THE EDUACTIONAL SYSTEM IS DESIGNED TO TRAIN OTHERS TO BECOME PRODUCTIVE WORKERS FOR OTHERS. I FEEL THAT THE SMALL AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO DO BECOME FINACIALLY SECURE AT THE LEVEL I SOMEDAY WISH TO BE UNDERSTAND THAT IF YOU WANT TO MAKE MORE MONEY THEN OTHERS YOU HAVE TO DO THINGS THAT ARE OUTSIDE OF THE NORM. THE REASON EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK YOU DON'T SEE TONS MILLIONAIRES IS BECAUSE ONLY A HANDFULL OF PEOPLE HAVE THE COURAGE TO STEP OUTSIDE OF THE NORM OF SOCIETY AND DO THINGS THIER OWN WAY. THIS IS THE PROBLEM THAT BRINGS ME THE MOST STRESS RIGHT NOW IN MY LIFE. I CAN'T HELP BUT TO THINK THAT MAYBE ME THINKNING THIS IS A SIGN THAT I AM MEANT TO FOLLOW THIS PATH OF BREAKING OUT OF THE NORM. BUT AGAIN I LOOK INSIDE OF MYSELF AND WONDER IF I HAVE THE COURAGE MYSELF TO DO IT. I HAVE TRIED NUMEROUS TIMES TO STEP OUT OF THIS NORM BUT FIND MYSELF RUNNING BACK TO THE NORM FOR SECURITY. I WONDER SOMETIMES IF THIS SHOULD THIS EVEN BE A FACTOR IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW ONLY BEING 21. BUT THEN I SEE PEOPLE WHO I WOULD LIKE TO BE LIKE AND THIER LIFESTYLES AND SEE THAT THEY HAVE THE THINGS I WANT AT MY AGE AND SOME CASES EVEN YOUNGER. AM I IN FACT WASTING MY LIFE AWAY SITTING IN A CLASS ROOM FILLED OF 500 PEOPLE WHOS AMBITIONS IN LIFE MIGHT BE TO BE NOTHING MORE THEN NORMAL. I MYSELF CAN'T STAND TO BE IN THE NORM. I WANT TO GO MY OWN WAY AND DO THINGS THAT MAY BE A LITTLE CRAZY OR RISKY, BUT THEN AGAIN I GUESS THAT IS WHY I'M WRITING THIS NOW. A SAD ATTEMPT TO FILL TIME UNTIL I HAVE TO COURAGE TO DO MY OWN THING. MAN WRITING FOR THIS LONG HURTS YOUR HANDS . I BET THE BEERS WILL KILL THAT PAIN. WHY DO I DRIN K EVERYDAY. IS IT BECAUSE I FEEL I HAVE BETTER SEX AFTER I HAVE HAD A FEW DRINKS? I KNOW THAT IS WHY. I FIND MYSELF DOING THAT A LOT. WHY ARE WOMEN SUCH A BIG PART OF MY LIFE. IS THAT THE REAL REASON I WANT TO BE RICH AND FAMOUS, SO I CAN GET ANY WOMEN I WANT? WHAT MAKES ME THINK THAT I CAN'T GET THOSE WOMEN KNOW. WHY DO I FEEL ASHAMED WHEN I TALK TO WOMEN NOW ABOUT MY MAJOR AND HOW I REALLY DON'T HAVE A HIGH PAYING MAJOR. I GUESS I COULD SAY I'M WAITING TO BE A SELF MADE MILLIONAIRE BUT HOW MANY PEOPLE SAY THAT. WHAT IS THAT SMELL. DAMN MY ROOMMATE STINKS. WHY IS HE SO SHORT, WHY DOES HE HAVE A SEVERE CASE OF LITTLE MAN SYMDROM. I THINK HIS GIRLFRIEND WANTS ME. DAMN I SOUND LIKE A NIP TUCK SHOW GUY. THAT WOULD BE A COOL JOB. BUT TO MUCH SCHOOL FOR PLASTIC SURGEN. I REALLY NEED TO STOP DIPPING COPENHAGEN. I WONDER IF SOMEONE IS GOING TO READ THIS. IF THEY DO I WONDER WHAT THEY WILL THINK. MY ATTENTION SPAN SUCKS. I KNOW I HAVE ADD BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO TAKE THE TEST, BUT ILL TAKE THE MEDICATION. WHY DID I DO SO MANY DAMN DRUGS IN HIGH SCHOOL. HIGH SCHOOL MAN THAT WAS FUN. DRINKING BEFORE SCHOOL. XTC DURING SCHOOL . MAN WE WERE A CRAZY CREW. I'M HAPPY I STILL TALK TO LIKE 70 PERCENT OF THE OL BOYS AND GIRLS. ITS COOL HAVING GOOD FRIENDS , EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A FEW. I WONDER IF THEY LOOK UP TO ME FOR BEING ABLE TO DRINK THE MOST. IS THAT WHY I DO? THAKS FOR THE TIME.

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Well this really pisses me off. I write you assignment to send to you but I get no connection. So I save it and try to do send it again. It got lost, even worse I have to do this again just turn this stupid thing in. For something I have already did, this really pissed me off. So to make sure you get this thing I'm thinking about emailing this to you. And to think I actually did truly analyze myself for this project, tell you my true feelings and you don't even get to see it. This is what is really going in my sub- consciousness. You well probably are not going to get a memo like this class. Too bad, I really had a great paper or memo you could have really thought about. It was about time, and since I have to do this the Second TIME, it's even hardier to write about. Speaking of time I have about 5 minutes left so here it goes. I feel that time is one of the most under-rated things in this world today. Just look at me I'm writing this memo for the second time today and have to do the other one tomorrow. Now that was a lot of stress for just one day. Still I accomplish more things under pressure, I think that is what I'm best at. Well it is time for me to depart, so I hope I well learned something in your class. Man, this really is stress releasing.

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of course I relize that things could be much worse. I mean this could be a real writing assingment, which would totally suck. I'm thinking about if I want to ask this guy to come to a show with me and my friend and her boy toy, but I don't knoe whether or not I will probably not. I just e-mailed my mom - I had never used e-mail before and it was quite an experience of course now I'm wondering how in the hell I'm supposed to get this little disk thingy out of the stupid computer I'm the most computer illiterate person that I know. college kind of sucks man it's not like on t. v. - it's much hotter. I freeze in my stupid room and roast outside no wonder everybody gets sick here. so anyway blah blah I have some dumb-ass roommate meeting to go to even though I just love my roommate to death and she of course reciprocates the feeling so we have no problems we're just one big happy family speaking of I miss my twin brother a lot he's in chicago at the art instite of chicago I just LOVE to tell people that because I am damn proud of him god typing sucks I've probably been going for abtou 20 minutesff saoe already opps little mistake there but its all good right>? I'm such a slow typer jesus christ this sux man I wonder what the next assignment is have a nice day man peace and love all around

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today all I think about is snow skiing, I cannot wait to be in the mountains, its so liberating and right now I feel so tied down and constricted, my room is annoying me at the moment because I do not like my desk space, it is uncomfortable so I find it hard to work in, which makes me not want to do anything at my desk. right now I feel so lost in life, there are so many things that I want to do and I know I have all the time in the world, but I feel like everything is moving so fast, especially now that my best friend is back at school, I feel we just started summer together yesterday and now he and I both are gone and back our separate ways, which is for the best, but at times it is so hard because I feel like a whole sector of my life is missing and I spend most of my days thinking about it and how it really is not that long until we see each other again and I look forward to the coming years but I get scared because I wonder if my future involves him. we have many of the same passions and we desire to do the same things, but I wonder if we will do them together or own way. I constantly think about my future but not really the success aspect, but rather the things that I want to do the things that make me happy, which for awhile would not include a job. I guess I don't really think about growing up that much but really like I said earlier that all I think about is going skiing this winter, I feel like the mountains are my home, like that is where I belong and I am itching to get back, because I have not been in so long. when people ask where my favorite place to be is, it is definitely the mountains. its like this little place god created where I can get away and forget about everything that drags me down, and just allow me to stand in awe and take in all that this earth has to offer, its like it releases me. not only that I love skiing it is my favorite form of exercise, and its just all I can think about considering how hot it is here and I cannot wait to get away the heat and get where the air knocks you off you feet.

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The day is over again and still so much to do and to think about. I hope my parents are settling down up in Colorado with good business and a place to live. I hope no conflicts will occur although I know they are going to fight one in awhile. I miss my mom the most. she cried at the airport and I can still see those tears in her face. her voice was so weak when I called to say hello. is this it to college life? I wonder where Tim is has he called me and left me a message? I have precal class with him first thing tomorrow morning and I don’t know where to go yet. I hope to get my beeper soon because I needed really bad and I don’t know when ill get it. as I look at the screen I wonder if the writing will ever go down onto the next line, or will it go on forever. I really want to go home I feel as though I have to be with her 24/7 and I feel like she'll follow me everywhere I go. I don't want her to , but at the same time I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I hate it when she smokes she smelt so bad in the classroom wow it finally has moved down to the second line. this stream of conscious writing is kinda pain in the butt because it is nearly impossible to actually start typing without thinking about what to type. lookin at the screen uhhh she wants to come over today but I don’t want her to I feel as though she's gonna stick with me wherever I go and I feel like she's never gonna find a friend to hang out without me. but I shouldn’t think like this because she’s my friend and we've known each other forever. but I feel that she’s going to hold me back in the future as we go on. either that or we're gonna fall apart, not easily, but I feel that someone’s gonna get hurt and I don’t want to be the one hurting her. my head itches. I gotta go home and call my mom and talk to my dad. I wish they had the same kind of water here as Colorado. their water is so nice. I would like to know if Tim likes me or just as friends because he actually we act the same way towards each other but I don’t know if I like him or not so I wonder if he feels the same way. my pastor is here from Dallas to teach bible study and I kinda feel guilty because I said I’d see him and stuff when he is down here but I cant get my self to go and sit and listen to him. I feel bad. I wonder what lee is doing he seem so quiet yet outgoing but not really I would like to get to know him but I wonder if he even knows that I exist. I think he does but who knows. sitting here typing wondering what time it is . what can I eat for dinner? I have an eye appointment tomorrow and I want to meet Tim somewhere so we can go to class together. cant wait to go home I’m kinda glad I didn’t room with her I can't imagine how hurt she'll be if she really knows how I feel. she gets on my nerves time to time and she asks me if she gets on my nerves, but I can never tell her that she does because I don’t think its right. I want my friends to come over to my apartment but I don’t know how my roommate is going to react. how am I suppose to find a roommate for next semester when she leaves . it almost time to go I hope they don’t make us read this later on in the semester. I think I really want a boyfriend but not really, I don’t know what I want. Michael is pretty cute only if he was taller I would fall for him so hard. but I’m glad we're good friends. I’m kinda glad that they broke up too. I think she’s too self fish and he can do so much better. I better memorize the medical terminology by Thursday. what should I do this weekend I bet she wants to come with me I feel as though every time I’m with her I’m blocked off from the crowd in a way I’m uncomfortable with her around other people. I wish she stop smoking she looked so crappy up times up and I don’t feel like typing any more.

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At the moment I I can seem to think about is how strange it is to think about what I'm thinking about. I'm not really sure if I can truley display my thoughts if that's what I'm concentrating on instead of letting my mind wander subconsiously. I'm not sure if that makes any sense, but it does to me. I'm trying to fight the temptation to go back and reword/correct sentences. Its very strange. I'm also trying not to have more than a two seconds pause between words/sentences so that I can show a true, 20 minute, unbroken stream of thought. I can't , unfortunately, fight the urge to correct typos - its natural for me to press the delete key the oment I see a mistake pop up on the screen. It will be interesting, however, to read this when I'm finished and see how many mistakes I missed. My roomate just put a CD on that I haven't heard in a long time - it makes mee think about highschool (the last time I listened to this) what is it called? . Oasis I think you, and the name of the song is "Wonderwall" I sincerely hope that its just a TA reading this and not Dr. Keller because I'll probably be embarrased at my grammar usage/sentence structure, ect. ect. Did you know (I'm sure you do) that "etcetara" is Latin for "and so forth" I know this because I took Latin in high school. It was a complete waste of time. I only got little useless trivial pieces of infromation out of it. Thought my favorite insult is still "habitas familia in miser villa" (you and your family live in a miserable farmhouse) Our teacher left midway through our senior year and so they had a spanish teacher named Mr. Soto teach the class. Kind of funny because he didn't know Latin, but hey, actually knowing the language is just optional right? Latins dead anyway. hehe It just occured to me that this is actually how I type a , drat, phone. k, that was my girlfriend, Liz. we're not having the best of time, though I'm sure (I hope) we'll work it out. I pondered writing during the phone conversation but that would be weird (especially for Liz) because I seriously doubt I can type and talk at the same time. unless I type giberish. or talk giberish; either of which would be bad in their own right. what was I talking, er. tyiping about before? I actually had to scan up the page to read and remember - it was email. I was thinking about how I actually type a lot of emails like this - not really without thinkg about what I'm saying and not looking for grammar and all that but just typing continously. Usually because I'm emailing like 5 different people and it takes to long and its annoying. speaking of annoying, this is taking a long time Its amazing how long 20 minutes can go by when you're thinking what else you could be doing. we're going to play risk in about 25 minutes. I love Risk. I'm not sure really, there's just somethin strangely fun about taking over the world. I also play this game on my computer called "Civilization, Call to Power" which is wonderfullly complex and very challenging. You build a civilization from 4000bc to 3000ad and either try to beat the computer opponents economically and in number of scientific andvances (kind of on a point system) or attempt to take over the world. In my currect game I have eliminated 3 of the 4 computer oppents and I'm going for the kill on my last enemy, the Persians. I made the mistake of using nuclear weapons and now my populace is very angry at me because of nuclear fallout and all that garbage. How many people have actually tried to take over the world? 3? Alexander, Napoleon and Hitler. All failed. I wonder if its even possible. Probably not, especially when your enemies have nukes. Nukes are kind of scary, I try not to think about them. Ok, thats 20 minutes FINALLY!

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I wish I had a car though, but I think that will bug me for a while because it'll probably be a while until I can afford one. But I will always get by, I know. Well it appears that laundry day is tomorrow, so I still have to wake up at 7 am even though I have no classes till three but then again that's probably why it's laundry day. Well I didn't get to talk to my girlfriend tonight because she was in class late, but at least she's at class. That's good because she needs to go to class as often as possible to pull up her GPA so maybe just maybe she can come to Austin and live somewhere around here. I wonder if whoever reads this will ever understand why people ramble. Anyway, I'll call her tomorrow to see how her first day at community college is. It's pretty nice in my appt right now, a cool 70 degrees which is nice after having to carry about 50 pounds of groceries up a hill and up a flight of stairs. Just kept on saying "Can you feel that!" to keep myself from stopping because once you stop you just might not be able to start again. I guess that's the focus to my whole life. Not sure if that's good or bad or what. Probably what got me in trouble last semester when I was half way thru the semester. Pretty crazy that I'm my worst enemy, but in a way, I guess that makes me my best friend (except for my girlfriend and real best friend of course) but if I didn't kick my own butt to do better who would? So I just keep on chugging. I don't know why I'm so success driven? Lord knows I'd like to be able to loosen up a bit and have some fun, but I never can seem to do that. Try alcohol to do that, but pretty sure my body didn't take too much of a liking to that. Oh well. I'll probably grow out of it (please please please). So enough of that, I hope the Aggies have lost against FSU because then I get to email my Ag friends and laugh. But then again that might not be the greatest idea if the Horns don't fair that well this year. Don't know what I'm listening to on the radio now. Oh yea ACDC!! Rock on! Anyway, I loved that Howard Stern movie, not quite sure why, but you almost have to love someone that pathetic. Movies, that's a topic. I love going to see movies. Just like the escape I guess. Thrillers are the best, not the goory (sp?) ones but like the one with Kevin Spacy Usual Suspects, that movie was great. Also, that Primal Fear was terrific, saving that line for the last was brilliant technique, and the acting superbe. I was getting all sorts of recommendations from the guy at blockbuster this past Friday (yes I was a pathetic party pooper but I did manage to do some socializing). Anyway I get these movies and come home. Now I'm already disappointed because I have this great new TV in my living room and no cable hookup to watch anything but Fox thru a lot of colored snow. So I figure I'll rent a movie, that has to get reception. But NOOOOOO, the VCR is goofed or something. It may have something to do with the tracking, but I don't have the tape anymore so I can't experiment. I'm usually very good which technical things. I knew everything about my first VCR before it came out of the box. But last Friday was definately not my day (triple low I've heard it called). But oh well, my friends liked my spaghetti and my (MOM's) sauce so that was good. Not a complete loss. Man I would hate to be the person trying to pick stuff out of this. So anyway, I have 5 minutes or so to type. I have a printer sitting next to me still in its box, and a vacuum cleaner in its box in the closet. Tell you anything about me? Actually, I'm a pretty neat ship keeper; I do have a bit of a paperwork mess in my bedroom but the livingroom is quite presentable except of course for a big big (like really large and at one time really heavy) TV box. But until the cable guy comes on Wed. , it'll probably stay there. I have to make sure that I can support my mother beginning this summer because I think she may need it at some point. Wish I had a godsent car that would work and then I could probably swing insurance payments and gas, but with car payments it'd be too much. Oh my, listening to Eye of the Tiger, how old is that?!?!?! So, maybe I should just go to sleep after writing this. I need to go see if I can to the pretesting for this class, but I tried before this and couldn't get it to load up. Something about the server being down. Well, such is life. I think I should do pretty good this semester, shooting for a 4. 0 again. Got to stay in head of my brother, we are so competitive, he's a yr behind me but transfered in with a bit more credit than I did, and with leaving mid-semester last yr, he's got a good chance to stay pretty close. Times up, bye now!!!

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I don't know how to put my thoughts into words. my mind wonders all the time. I'm really tired. the dog is taking a nap -- I wish I was taking a nap, too. I stayed up too late last night. church was hot and not very interesting. I wonder what time we're leaving today. the houston comets are playing very good. I guess they are still mourning the loss of Kim Perrot. her death was so sad. where did that crazy dog go now. I bet she went to take a nap in my bed. my typing probably distrubed her. crap! the comets can't score to save their life. good shot. who the heck is that girl. Sheryl Swoopes is incredibly fast. I wonder why she doesn't get a long with cynthia cooper. pass the ball. rebound. is that a play or what. my sister is being such a baby today. she is so bossy, and when she doesn't get her way, she throws a fit. I never stick up for my brother, but the one time I do, it infuriates her. I can't wait to get back to austin, and I'll stay on my side of town, and she can stay on her side. I won't call her for a couple of days, so she can get completely over her temper tantrum. I hope eryn doesn't call me for a few days. I just want to stay at my dorm and relax and study by myself. this is the stupidest commercial. I hate that Buddy Lee character. I have to go to the bathroom, but I still have 10 minutes to type. I have got to go on a diet. I'm getting extremely fat. I wonder when that aerobics program gets started. I hope it won't be too hard. I have got to set the vcr to tape my soaps for the week. I hate missing those shows. that girl is such a weiner. she is always getting hurt. I'm getting sick of typing. oh that was a cheap foul. I wonder how they wash there hair when it's in those braids. I bet it stinks. that girl is ugly. he is a horrible dresser. I wonder how much money they make. my watch is rubbing my hand. my eyes are tired. I haven't seen this commercial before. it's kind of dumb. my mind is starting to take a nap. it isn't wondering so much anymore. I hate that when I get in a daze and just stare at people. it's embarrassing. this game is getting boring, I wonder if there are any other games on. when do the cowboys play today. how much more room do I have. I guess I get as much room as I want. cynthia cooper is cocky. why do they wear lipstick when they play. that is retarded. they dress up to get sweaty and work out. I wonder how loud it is in that arena. my head itches. I think someone is driving up to my house. that's a walk! the comets are looking better. is it supposed to rain today. it's pretty cloudy out there. my throat hurts. I wonder if I'm getting sick. man I'm tired. can I ever run out of water in my eyes. every time I yawn my eyes fill completely, and --- the phone is ringing --- I looked at the caller id, but I don't want to talk to that person. I still have to go to the bathroom. well it's been 23 minutes, so I'm going to quit. I hope I did this right.

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greetings and salutations all this was written in lower case to emphasize that I have a unique voice that is inconsequential as compared to the throngs of voices in the world there is no punctuation to show the natural tendency of people to take pauses for breath rather than for time I have no idea what to write about in fact whenever I need to write something that seems simple to others, I somehow make it seem quite impossible to me this sucks I want to go play some pool I wish my friends from Houston were here then we could go out to play a game or two or three hey watch out man you are no break dancer though you may actually break something I'm hungry I wish I had some of those Ramen Noodles very tasty indeed oh wait I have some ice cream sandwiches food is food here I go again babbling about nonsensical stuff maybe I should go walk around in the halls of Carothers very nice ceiling I like the abstract jackson polluckyness of it makes me remember the skys of india durning monsoon season damn what a fine woman I wonder if she lives on the second floor do I need to see anyone up there oh yeah I do good opportunity to walk with her without her knowing it hey its nathan "Hey Nathan" I wonder if he needs any help "Want some help?" "No" very determined man. I thiunk I should return to my little quest I wonder if shannon is in her room oooooh the door is slightly open lets just go in maybe I should have knocked. nah no need they trust me man I want to go out with her I wonder if she has a boyfriend "shannon, you have a boyfriend?" I hope her answer is what I want it to be it would really suck if she did have one I guess I would have to find another girl but that is an impossible task I want to go out with her I want to help her blow her air sofa I want to kiss her for what seems an eternity I want to do math problems with her I wonder how exactly I could prove the triangle inequality maybe with algebra but what about geometrically would not the vectors cancel each other out thats it I have to do it algebraically what about jeffs problem I don't quite remember how to integrate using substitution oh yeah I must find u and dv or was it the other way around "No" oh what huh? did I hear correctly am I in some kind of altered reality nope I heard correctly she does not I am so damn lucky I really hate the feeling when one cares for a person but the person does not care in the same way I'll find out from here room mate tomorrow about my chances maybe it will work who knows it may be magic. naaah I doubt that I won't have any time for her I will be like one of those Quake III dicks around my dorm who rather play a computer games than go out with people but instead of Quake III it will be math or computer science speaking of which I still have homework in those classes but thats do friday I'll do it thursday the psych however is do tomorrow what the hell am I going to write let me go back to my computer ahhh I have a soft cushiony chair there is no air flow in here I better open the door. wow what a fox "hey shannon" "hey" hmmm hmm good its steve I wonder what he wants. yeha I think will help in the pranck but first I have to do this assignment I'm hungry what can I eat oh yeah I have ice cream sandwiches. farewell and salud that is all I have to say of my mind a consequencence of being located in a pubescent testerone laid man

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I sit staring at the blue syllabus from the class in front of me. What do I write about? The sad part is that it seems like such a miniscule task. Write about what I'm thinking about. So now I ponder what I normally think about? What do I normally think about, but I'm supposed to be writing about what I'm thinking about right now. I'm thinking I should turn of the television behind me, yet I'm so attracted to this rerun that I have watched so many times. Although since I am writing this, I am not exactly paying attention to what is going on on the television. I can hear the faint noice in the background. Why can't I concentrate? I always have this problem. I feel that my attention span has shortened as I have gotten older. I have problems watching a thirty minute television program! How can I sit here for twenty minutes on task? Especially since I have a million things to do. Such as a paper in my Literature and the Law class. But I am not able to sit for a long time and simply work on that paper. How did I ever get into college? Sure my grades were somewhat decent, yet I always tend to work to the point of exhaustion, mainly because I procrastinate. When I procastinate I do all at once. since my attention span is so short, and I am not able to sit and continuously put forth a vast amount of effort my work comes out poorly. This must be why I have only decent grades. I must put forth more of an effort. Life can be extremely challenging especially since I am not able to do such a miniscule task of prioritizing. But why am I complaining about my grades? College has just begun! I can turn around and begin new! But I say this every time and it never happens. Sure you can change anything, but come on, am I actually gonig to do that? NO! I'm just pathetic in that way. Its like all the people I know who have broken promises. Sure everyone says they'll do this or that,but do they? I am always upset when people break promises because I never break promises to other people except to myself! I can stop being a procastinator, but do I? I can start exercising more, but do I? The most important person in my life,me , is the one person who I put last. Who cares how I look to others as long as I feel good inside. Do I feel good inside? Hard question. Do I have an answer? I don't know. I'm constantly criticizing myself. Come on sonia, you can be better at this or that. But do I make a point of actually becoming better no! I suppose all people are like this, they attempt to be someone their not. I have to just face the fact that I am who I am and if I really want to change I have the chance but I don't have to change!

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It seems a bit strange just to be writing to be writing but I am it is probably very interesting to read back over it after you are done writing it. I am so used to being in English classes were you have to keep thinking about what you are writing that it seems strange to me right now that I am just writing thoughts as they are coming out of my mind with no real point are concern of where this is going. I have done an assignment like this for a writing course before but its purpose was to help us learn to let our thoughts flow more vividly on the paper so I am a bit curious about what this could tell about myself. I honestly hate computers and typing so I can't say I am enjoying myself too much right now. The clock seems to always move very slow when you are doing something just to do it for a timed amount of time. I suppose I will just keep rambling on though to get to that twenty minutes. I really did wait until almost the last possible second to do this today. Its around four right now so I will be sending this in just minutes before it is supposed to be turned in. This week has really drained me and I am so glad it is friday. I can actually get some sleep now and go out and unwind and have some fun. I really wanted to cut back on the partying this year but so far I'm not off to a good start at least I'm not going out every night though. I have a job now though so I suppose that occupies a good part of my time. Its a pain trying to balance that and school but at least this gives me money to go out now and have a good time. I'm a little more self dependent then I was last year. I'm not having to call home all the time and ask for money. I just have a couple more minutes so I am trying to think of something to say right now. My mind just feels like mush. My whole body needs sleep and rest but I am going to just go out and wear it out anyway. I'm young I should have fun while I still can. That is exactly what I am going to do now because I have reached my little time limit so I hope you have had a great time reading my ramblings from my little mind.

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Here I am in college. It's pretty weird and scary all at the same time. Justin is in Kansas, he says that he is in love with me now that he is away from me. I on the other hand have pulled away. He was so controlling and bad to me in high school that it is hard for me to turn away now that he is so nice and perfect. I love him very much, but I've met another guy who is so perfect in everyway. He is so nice and understanding, some much more than I've ever experienced. Mom is coming today. Yesterday was my birthday so she is coming today to take me to eat and bring me some presents. I am so tired, I was up until 6 this morning, she is going to think I'm sick. I don't know how I made it to my morning classes. On Fridays I am done by 11 am! That is so nice. I kind of miss my friends back home. It's hard to having friends that don't understand you completely yet. I love texas!

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well I guess it'll be good to get this out of the way. Let's see what's on my mind. ok I think I need to turn off the TV and maybe turn on a little music. this seems like it could get boring. hmm. maybe that's a bad sign that I think my thoughts are goig to be boring. anyway, all right, the tv's off and now the musics on. much better. well I'm officially pledging phi delt tonight. I'm going to be assigned my big brother at the meeting this evening and I'm pretty excited. I think this is going to be a lot of fun. john's pledging with me and I guess we're going to get to be pretty good friends. this is kind of nice. this is a good way to clear my thoughts up. I've heard before that writing out everything makes you slow your thoughts to the pace of writing and it's an effective way to clear your head. what kind of phrase is that. clear your head? that's a weird thing when you actually think about it. ok I can't talk about one thing for very long. wow this time is going pretty fast. it doesn't seem like I've been writing long at all and I'm a quarter of the way done. ok well let's accomplish something productive here. what do I need to do today? I need to get khakis and a white shirt for tonight. hmm I wonder what I should do about shoes. I didn't bring my dress shoes I don't think. that's one bad thing about being 8 hours from home. when I remember something that I forgot to bring, or didn't think I would need, there's not much I can do about it. ok what else do I need to do today. its labor day. I like not having class. umm ok think, I need to study chapter 5 in biology. really I need to review all of the chapters that's got to be my biggest priority today. and I need to finish reading my psych chapters and philosophy stuff. I feel like I always have something to do. it was this way in high school too though so I guess its not that bad. there's a guy pledging with me that reminds of somebody famous but I can't place it. I don't think I've ever heard this song but I know the band. that's not saying much for the band. or maybe it is. either they have a unique sound or all of their songs sound too much alike. I don't know which it is in this case. maybe a little of both. ok the time is not going as quickly as I thought it was. do I have anything else to do today? clothes, read, umm I've talked to my mom today about everything I think I needed to tell her. I paid my stupid parking ticket. there's 40 bucks wasted on me stupidity. I thought about appealing it but they called out my exact reason for the appeal on "reasons not to appeal your ticket" apparently just being a dumbass isn't a valid reason. I love this song. barenaked ladies are a good band. I want to see them in concert again. oh concert. I can't wait for the acl festival coming up. and next weekend I'm going to mexico with the phi delts. oh this is going to be a lot of fun. I'm excited for so many things this semester. I just need to make sure I keep my grades up and everything. I'm sure I will. I don't forsee myself slacking off at all. if I want to get into medical school I need to have the best grades possible. but then I don't know if I really want to go to medical school. I need to talk to an advisor about this stuff. hopefully I can get into my fig advisor tomorrow and see what he has to say. I can't decide if I want to major in neurobiology or switch to liberal arts and look into psychology. I think this is a really interesting field but at the same time I feel like its uhhh I lost my train of thought. lets see. I feel like its umm something that too many people do. its over done as a major I guess I don't really know what word to use to describe it. woo! one minute remaining. umm so yeah psychology is really interesting. I'm actually not dreading reading the rest of the chapters. in fact I'm kind of looking forward to it. ok well the times up I guess I'll quit now. that was fun.

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I feel nervous inside and butterflies keep flying around my chest. This is probably because I am nervous about what my boyfriend has to tell me. I feel excited as well and it's pretty weird, but for the first time, in a long time, I know what it means to take advantage of ones individual strength. I mean I feel as though things will work out, but what if he tells me that the one and a half years we've spent together are over. Anyway, this has pretty much been on my mind since 7:00a. M. I can't really think of anything else but that. Gosh, I am so nervous, but then again I'm probably over reacting. Other things has also been on my mind like my first test in biology. I really don't know what kind of questions are going to be asked. I'm sorry, but I just feel so nervous and I think these butterflies have turned into bats or something because I can't even breathe without feeling more nervous by the minute. I feel pretty confident and I guess that's good. I guess I'll stop thinking about that for awhile and let my heart catch up to my chest pounding. On to another thing I was thinking about. I can't believe that Magwire guy from the Cardinals almost beat the record foe the most homeruns. Pretty weird that I jumped from one serious subject to another, huh? That's pretty much the way I work inside. I get all worked up about something and then the next minute I'm laughing and having a good time. I know why that happens. I don't look at the bad things in life, I only look at the good things. It's bad for me to say, but I could probably walk down a dark street with no common sense and think that that street is the most safest place on the face of this earth. A lot of people judge a lot of things from the outside which is so unfair to everyone. Not everything that looks ugly or dirty is bad. In fact, the prettiest looking and the wealthiest looking people probably do more crime or illegal things what the "middle or lower" class would do. That's why I hate when I get my pay check and see how much taxes I pay for people to just claim welfare for something stupid. More than half of the on welfare are able to work, they're just too lazy! I know this for a fact because my boyfriend's step-sister does that. So, basically, while I'm working my ass off for people like her, my money is lost and I don't even get that much taken out of my check for MY Medicare. That's what's so unfair!! Well my 20minutes have flown by so, I will write to you soon for assignment #2. good-bye and take care.

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I always pride myself on my ability to be creative but lately i feel restricted. I am spending more time absorbing everything around me than actually reflecting. I also feel lonelier than usual. I know this is normal, so I don't feel strange for the feelings. I am used to being surrounded by chaos and people I know. All of a sudden, I'm in a school more than twice as big as my town and a dorm more than twice as big as my high school. I am deep down enjoying the experience. On the surface, I am just caught up in reorganizing everything. I am also still recovering from last year. I keep thinking that things will pick up and that I will meet people. I don't know if it is just a slower process than I expect or if I have high expectaions. All I know is that I love Austin as much as I miss New Mexico. I miss the scenery and the openess but now I get to enjoy a more vibrant and colorful scene. More than anything, I am excited to be around new music. I am listening to Grateful Dead right now- as I have for the last year. Right now, I feel that my scene suits the music more. I also am excited to be around live music. It has a better taste. I think I miss good New Mexican food (burritos) almost as much as I miss my old room. I miss being able to walk down the street without running into another person if I feel like it. I miss my friends. I miss being able to have inside jokes and laugh without even talking. I think I have more potential for good friends because Austin appeals to a particular crowd including myself. In NM, I made friends with the peop[le that were available. In Austin I will make friend with people that I hve common interests with. That is why it takes more time. I am not used to the freedom that I have recently obtained. I want to experiment with the limits of my freedom, but I just haven't found good opportunies. I haven't done much since I've been here. I can't tell if I'm lazy, timid, or just in the process of figuring out my niche. Education is more interesting when it is by willpower. I like learning when I have the choice to go to class. I also get the idea the teachers in college enjoy teaching more. That may be a generalization. I'm a bit scared aobut tests. I don't know how to study yet. I actually was scared yesterday, but not today. I bought a to-do list yesterday and wrote down everything that I need to do. Even though I haven't checked off much, I feel so much more organized knowing that it's written down. I actually fell more compelled to check stuff off (that's why i'm writing this now). I hope I don't fall victim to my lack of self dicipline and poor study habits. I truly enjoy being disorganized and careless. I think it gives me more personality and a more colorful life. A reckless and wild life has its o elegant motion. More than anything, I think having careless adcventures (i. e. hitchiking home from a party) makes me more creative. All I want to do in life is to write. Well, I want to do more, but that's my main ambition and source of happiness. I think adventures inspire what I write just as much as education builds a foundation. All of my college experience will be relevant. I get excited writing about what I want, but I then look back at the time I've been here and feel a bit unaccomplished. My wrist keeps popping when I type, and it really hurts. I have to slow down. I should probably start working out again if typeing at my computer is strenuous. My roommate is cleaning our room right now. She is a bit cumpolsive, but I'm glad that it inspires me to stay organized. Well, I'm organized on the surface. My closet and drawers are a different story. I love how I decorated my room. I think interior design is next on the list to writing. I wish I could study it, but I don't think I could make it into the school of architecture

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feeling free right now. door underneath punded. resonated and left me shaking. there is music next to me and it has a beat. the bass bothers me sometimes. like when I was riding in the car with my brother when we went to the zoo that one time. he used to always pick on me but now he is not here. its not the first time that I hav enot seen him for awhile. but I see casey everyday. I like being here at ut. this apartment is great. just leaning against the bunkbed while typing feels great. I feel at home most of the time, except for tommy when he makes his comments. I keep expecting to have to go home and climb in my own bed but every time that I walk back to my dorm from here I realize that I am going to my new home , the dorm. My roommate is nice, she studies all the time. I feel that I don't study enough when I am with her. She is going to major in math just like I am. but I don't know what I want to do or if I really want math. this song is great. it makes me happy and hyper. but I am still upset that I don't know what I want to do. Everyone here does. they all have their special thing and I am just feeling the way along. that is more comfortable. the keyboard is on my lap and now my hands or wrists rather don't hurt as much. I like psychology. I am excited about the experiments. from what dougs mom was talking about them earlier they sound like a lot of fun. But I don't know if I will be able to just go up and talk to people like that. I am glad that I will have casey in my class this year. He is so smart and wonderful and I love him. I am really glad that we are engaged. he is the best thing that has happened to me since I moved to texas. Louisiana was not good at all but I have to stick up for it when doug and casey pick on me and tell me that I say things weirdly. This is a beautiful song. I really like it. But one bad thing about it is that I remember being with ryan when I listen to it. Riding around in caseys car when we were first going out. We listened to her then too and I made him sing to aida. He has a beautiful voicce and I love to listen to him sing. I love the way her voice sounds and the different inflections in all the right places. My foot itches and now that I scratched it, everything else is itching too. Sometimes they talk too much about computers and that junk. But that is their thing and it makes them happy. I just have to find what makes me happy. Skiing. I want to go skiing, It is so hot here. skiing would be great and romantic. last year was the first time that I ever skiied and it was great. I did a lot of things with church that I had never done before but I think that all of these things were because I got together with casey. like this barbie girl song. I hated it but then he would always play aqua and I got to liking all of the songs and liking him more and loving him and falling for him and casey is wonderful. aqua/ like an ocean or island. so peaceful and wonderful. I like heroes the game with amanda, It reminds me of lord of the rings. My hair tickles my face. my ear itches. doug has a cute voice. he is trying to sing. idont hate casey's cat. it is really cute. I just wanted to get him something better and I wish I could have found a cuter one so I have to put it down because I don't know why. it does not really matter. I overreact too much and am selfish and whine. this is kind of fun actually. I want to take a photography class next semester. My mom says that I am good at it. I jsut want to find something that I am good at. Make everyone proud. But I put too much pressure on myself. I think that is why I am nervous this week because I want to adjust and I don't know if I am going to do well in my classes and I hope I do but am scared. My wrist hurts like when I am playing minesweeper. an addicting game. somethign I am good at, unlike half life which I am getting better at. My ear itches. I need to go to the store and get some cables, I hope to find them and understand how it works. physics scares me and I am not good at it. why am I majoring in math and how did sarah make up her mind in one weekend about college. I think those are the same reasons. Time's up.

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Twenty minutes seems like a long time when you are asked to just sit there and type something but when you think about it it really isn't that long. You can do all sorts of things in twenty minutes that are enjoyable such as play guitar (which I don't) or scuba or imagine you are climbing mount everest and even if you don't do any of these things it is fun to pretend to do so. I normally am happy that I type very fast but now I'm realizing that since this is timed that will be a disadvantage to my fingers which hurt sometimes after I type for a long time, maybe I'm too old for this type of exercise. Its possible. Anyways, only two minutes have passed and this doesn't seem to be going anywhere. While we are on the subject of contractions in the English language, I noticed that I haven't been putting apostrophes in all of my contractions and that would probably make English teachers spin in their graves but it doesn't really bother me because I am a double EE/physics major and don't have to take any English classes ever ever hahaha, oh sorry, got the best of me, anyways where was I? I like orchids, they are the coolest flower. And that reminds me of that chinese art with the brushes where they use really dark ink to make the branches of trees or limbs of bushes and then really bright red or other color to make the petals of the flowers. The thing I like about those is that they don't have any leaves and I really wish I could do that art as they could. And now a whopping five minutes has passed and I am 1/4 done with this assignment and I don't know how I can possible continue writing this fast for that long but I guess I will have to endure, because if the Romans could withstand years of constant battle and such things (I don't want to pick the right word that would be a sign of conscious thought and we don't want that right now for this exercise (I hope I'm spelling that right)) where was I, you if the Romans can withstand all that battling and make all their cool things with limited resources then the LEAST I can do is write this for twenty measly minutes which really isn't that long and I'm thinking I could leave this here and say I'm a slow typist but that would be morally wrong and would be grounds for going to the effigy of fiery hell that is ruled by Satan and I don't know why I'm talking about this because I am not religious at all and the reason that is is because (is is is not good to use in a sentence, especially not is is is) sorry, anyways the reason I'm not religious is because of my scientific type of mind and even though my parents are religious (although not devoutly or anything) I still have trouble believing in any type of organized religion because if those people that made the religion or believe in it were born in a different country they would believe something different than they do now. and its still only been 8 minutes so this is going to be pretty long I assume. I used to test my typing speed while doing exercises like this because I can think of random things to say aster than I can read them so there is less of a limit to trying to put things into the keyboard (which by the way when you want to get something from the keyboard in C++ you have to type; near the top, and who said these classes didn't tie in together, they were obviously wrong. I'm really starting to run out of ideas so I think I will talk about Shakespeare a little while and why his philosophy is related to that of Michael Jackson's song "bad", actually that is all complete BS but if I talk in an eloquent enough manner no one will know, save the Shakespeare philosophers who are aficionados of Michael Jackson I really have to go back through this and be sure to fix all my errores gordos (that's what Mr. pickering called them in Spanish class, meaning fat errors, or errors that shouldn't be in a paper because they are so basic that no one should miss them, like capitalization and spelling and such) anyways I have 9 more minutes and I'm typing as fast as I was and this fan really is blowing some stinky air through the room and neither I nor my room mate can think of where the stench is coming from and I had put a typo on the last is which read S until I changed it and I bet you are glad you know that now, it put a lot of your worries to rest now that you know that I fixed my typo (hey that rhymed, pretty neat huh) and what's with all these words like neat and phat and off the hook and such, they are fun to say but why do we feel the need to say them, I was reading an article about how it helps teenagers identify themselves as distinct characters in a world of homogenous people and that kind of makes sense hold on I'm getting an AOL Instant message, but its from a person who I don't want to talk to at the moment because of some stuff that happened even though its all better know I must have a VERY long runon sentence but it doesn't matter now because this is not English class. back to that Instant message, someone just messaged me again and this time they are talking on some microphone and I'm supposed to be able to tell what they are saying but all it sounds like is a bunch of static and a low, distorted "HALLOW", hello, you see. and while I'm on the topic of jargon and slang I can explain to you some of the hold on some person in my dorm just walked in and he has on a grey shirt and his name is payab, but I'm not sure he is a freemason, speaking of which they are the people that lead a cultist movement and there was this person named MASON in our class who went to the air force and me and my friend always called him MASSSSONNNNNNN really loudly and obnoxiously when we saw him in the hall and thank the lord I only have a minute left of this assignment my fingers are tired and this sentence has been going (is sentence or sentence the correct spelling) anyways this has been going on for too long and now I want to quit and I'm looking down at the bottom right of my screen to see when the clock will hit 2:20 but is hasn't yet oh well close enough.

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I can't wait until tomorrow. I have only one class from 9 to 10 and then its time to go to the Matchbox 20 concert. I love Christie so much and I can't what to see her tomorrow. Christie, I hope you'll give me another chance some day. Your the best thing that’s ever happened in my life. God I've changed so much this summer. I am so excited about pledgeship. I love you mom. I am going to study my rear off though to get a 4. 0. I wish I was living at Towers because Jester SUCKS. And the food is nothing special at all. I got to ask mom and dad for some cash. I really can't wait to get back to Houston to see everybody there and especially Dean, Cassie, Mrs. Smith, and of course Christie. I need to keep working out. It's doing me alot of good. Carter needs to tone it down in there so that I can finish this paper. Holy cow my mind just went blank. Oh wait a minute. 2 great looking girls are swimming over at the Theta house. I hope the Rockets win it all next year because the Bulls are really pissing me off. College is going to be tough but I think I will do just fine. I am going to be more than successful one day. I don't hope this, I know this. For the love of God. I type so slow it's not even funny. That's what I need to do is take a typing class because this is ridiculously to short and it should be much longer. Only one more minute of writing and then I'll. . . . . . Oh, what do you know. times up.

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I'm brandom. I type very slow right Now I'm watching ht ranger game. I love sports. Along with music they dominanate my life. I love the dallas maverics stars cowboys burn, and the texas rangers. Microsoft worl has kill my ability to spell any word correctly. I get terribly mad and depressed when the cowboys or the mavericks lose. I think it is because they mean so much to me and i spend alot of my time devote to them. I will check the internet aboiut two ofr three times a day. As for music i love music My favorite band is blink 182. People say the sold out and that theeir music change. It did. But they also change drummers and producer. Enima of the state was different. But take off your pants and jacket is right where it should be. think peoplee hate whats popular. and they hate change. Band alway change because they grow more talented and shiot happen in there life. But anyway i love blink Even if they would put out a polka album that is very very very horrible i would still buy. YOu always stick by what you love. I think the cowvboys will win the rest of their games. if they lose next game then they will win the rest of those. They will always be my favorite team whether they are 0-16, 16-0 8-8 what ever. I feel the same way about the mavericks. The other fwd sport I like but not love. I hate the map making bastard. I hate how it dallasFortworth but not fort worth dallas. Fort worth is a big city. I hat it when they only put dallas on the map. They will but clevland and mhashville bbut now fort worth. I alos hat abc, nbc and fox news because the news cast is all about dallas A fucking tornado has to hit fort worth to hear it on the news, but if an old lady's air condition breaks in Dallas the have live helicopter shit. I hCBS is base out of fw But they get an even dallas and fort worth news. I hate missouri because Grand pa simpson does. I hate Peple who say thing just to get a response. I love double stuff oreos. I only like apples out of fruits and potatoes out of vegtables. I've never had a strwberry or a salad. I have bad hand writing In the fourth grade my teacher said that they won't except my paper in the fifth grade. All my teacher in every grade always say that. I like chicken noodle soup. When I was little all the girls love my brother and told me. I said thanks for telling me. This followed me everwhere i go forever. If i step foot in CROWLEY the first thing someone will tell me is YOur brother is hot. I comb my hair or i wear a hat. I actually think alot about everything. Sometimes I put my self in a situation and i act ourt every little detail in my head. Sometime YOu can find me talking to myt self, But what I'm really doing is acting out the situation in my head out loud. I have no really wants and desire which bothers me because I graduate in 2-3 years. I'm content with working 60+ hours a week and just getting by. But my parents would call me a loser. The only things I want in my lfe is 3-5 kids (1st girls name is makenzi ann). A dog names mike. And a soccer mom wife who wants to work but I want her to stay at home and watch the kids. And she is content with that. I also want a house. I don't have to own expensive things or drive consistantly new cars. Money doesn't rule my life, but my parents want it to . I would rather my mom remember that I don't like a salad then pay for my college. I would rather my dad work less then live in a big house

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My neighbor from across the hall is letting me use her computer because she is online. I went to Kinsolving and the lab was closed, that stunk. I'm very tired because I did not get very much sleep last night. Some girls on my wing and I were going to go to some Frat parties, but we wound up staying in the dorm and watching movies. It turns out one of my roommate’s friends is also in this psy. class, I thought that was really neat, although the class is so huge, it doesn't surprise me. I haven't seen very many of my high school friends here at UT, I really didn't want to talk about college because that is the other assignment, but it seems to be the most foremost thing on my mind right now. The Cowboys are kicking off their season tomorrow at noon!!! I worked for them for about nine months, so I am somewhat obligated to watch, that and the fact that my step-father has been a fan for 23 years or so. I was able to get him a bluebook autographed by Troy Aikman for Father's Day this year! I really enjoyed giving that to him I love giving gifts, it's my most favorite thing to do!!! I love to make people happy and some people think I'm crazy for that, but I think it's great. That's another reason I have enjoyed my intern ship with the Cowboys so much. When I get a letter about a sick child, my heart sinks and to know that sending something from the Cowboys will make them feel better or at least distract from the state they are in. Let's see 7 more minutes of writing. My roommate and I were talking about our special talents, I told her mine was finding holes in sidewalks!! Yes, if I walk down Guadalupe, I WILL fall in every hole and look like a fool in front of at least 20 people that happen to be walking by!! That is something else, hey!! I just found out that my step-mom got a new car, and my dad bought her old one from her. This is a man who says he cannot send me $100 a month, but can take a two week vacation to South Dakota and buy a new car in the same month!! Anyway, that subject somewhat depresses me. ok 2 more minutes of writing, I can handle it, hey I'll bet you can tell I'm a slow typer now, can't ya!!! Well it sure has been great talking to you. And as our good friend TEX would say: Goodbye and good luck.

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I took a class in sewimming last year and it was a lot of fun. my cousin megan asked me to come to her dance recital in october but that is going to kind of difficult since I have three tests on the following week of school when I get back but life is short I may as well seize the day. I didn't call my girlfriend last night so she is probably mad about that but anyway. I like the class schedule that I am taking right now but it is only thirteen hours so I hope I finish my degree plan in four years since I don't want to be in school forever. I have a headache and don't feel like doing anything but relaxing. I wish I was traveling righnt now maybe around the swiss alps and doing some hiking camping and fishing and even some swimming just exploring beautiful places that I have never been to before. I woild love to just have a job where I could explore travel destinations and tell people if it was a good place or not or even just travel the world. I love adventures especially the ones like indiana jones does in his series of movies I think that that is so interesting and fun but I kjnow it is only a dream since all of that is just make believe but hopeuflly on e day I will get married and we can travel the world exploring different copuntries and places and seeing everything this world has to offer. this summer I got to visit seattle and it was very beautiful except that it rained every single day adn that got kind of depressing and made you feel gloomy but it was an experience and a very expensive one at athat. this christmas me and my cousince and bro are goign to go on a road trip kind of like the one on mtv called road rules where we go exploring places and then camping out and living off the land which is really a lot of fun. I hope my mom is having a good day and my dad and sister. my brother is up here in austin with me so we hang out my birthday is tomorrow and I will be the big 21 I can't wait. my firneds are throwing me a party this weekend so it is going to be a lot of fun. I have math homewrok thath I need to do

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Dear Sir or Madam: I am writing to inform you of my recent achievements, thoughts, feelings, and general relevancy of life. I have been under some stress for the last few months due to recurring repercussions of the recent divorce of my parents. I am and have always been one who stands and is ready to be strong for others, but some time it takes more strength to cry. I am glad that my involvement in dancing had led me to this time so near my departure for the Olympics. This had helped to separate me from the hectic antics of family. Although it has given to great an amount of time to reflect upon my inefficiencies. Again as I type I am thinking I am wondering as if this incoherent gibberish will be or can plausibly be translated into recognizable human thought and used in my aid. This in itself has become a major threshold of relief for me. Confrontation of my fears has always been a struggle. Fears a plague of man for centuries, we can find cures to anything but be most tormented by nothing more than our own conscious being. See, as I continue I have diverged farther and continued in my pursuit of happiness and my race against fear. I fear that I am losing control. Not of myself but of family. They stray farther and farther from the objective, but seem to relentlessly ignore the many warnings and offers of aid from their peers. Is it true that we are not safe from torment even without villain, or can it be that the most prevalent villain be he who lives within us. Tearing at each muscle and heartstring, pulling our every emotion straight from the gates of happiness to the pits of despair. I've dug myself into this hole and finally confessed, but the only my own strength can bring me out. Ironic isn't it. I am not nearly psycho or even remotely suicidal, but life can bring one down. A carefree person is at the greatest risk, because it is with that lack of care that you neglect to watch for the advance of the ranks of despair. I have yet to find the reason or meaning behind any so feelings. Let alone answer any thoughts or feelings of my own, but simple writing forms a haven, safe place, or a virtual escape from the locks of my own mind. Only as I overcome the fallacies that I have founded my realities upon, may I escape the shackles of my own torment. I really have no problems, other than an overly kind heart and mind that troubles me more than worth. How can I escape my own shackles when it is by the same power that I am confined that I am held captive. My thoughts are low and stamina lost but open freely now are the gates of hope. Once again proving that the pen is far mightier than the sword.

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14

I am so tired of school already and I want to go home and sleep in my bed and see all of my old friends I hate computers with a passion my stupid ethernet does not work and the front desk says there is nothing they can do all I can do is to call a number which I have been doing and getting no answer ireally miss Charley but he is coming to visit the weekend after labor day there are so many people fromschool in my psy class that I cannot stand and all of my classes area assignning so much reading for us if I read what I am suppose to I'd end up reading over threehundred pages a day and there is no way thatt is possible for me to do Biology is the worst class that I have the teacher is so boring and rambles on so fast which is really pathetic since bio is my major for the time being I have had the worst headache ever sonce I've been in Austin I just want to go home for a while and have my summer back it was so much nicer not doing anything all day except for hanging out with friends and parting all night I wish we could smoke inside I am on the thirteenth floor which is a pain to wait for an elevator just to smoke and when it gets cold inthe winter its really going to suck ireally don't mind any of my classes except bio but what if I drop the major and it was just because of the teacher from this yearwho ruined it for me when if I had another teacher I might have acctually enjoyed the subject I am so tired of reading maybe I'll switch my major to math that is so much easier for me but what can you do with math besides be a teacher I really don't want to be a teacher because I hate kids I never want to have kids they are such a pain I really don't see why any one has them tons of my friends back home have them Kim's kid is the devil himself he is so crazy and he's barely three I would not be able to raise another person for eightteen years straight my head is really starting to pound everyone heere is trying to convince me to stop smoking but I think that would drive me insane and I'd be a really bitchy person to everyone then I probally gian a ton of weight because if I am not somking I am eating that's another problem with this whole college thing getting fat I was ten pounds lighter like six months ago and now if I gian any more I am going to go crazy maybe I should take metabolife pills but I don't feel like driving to the mall in rush hour traffic oh well iguess I'll just watch what I eat or at least try to I really want charley to come to austin and visit soon he is the one person I really mis since I've been gone thats weird cause I haven't missed my brothers at all I never really got along with them any way maybe once we grow up we'll get along better I don't really care now anyway my head hurts so bad I think I'll take a nap before I read ay of the billions of pages that I have for homework twenty minutes is over up all done with this one

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12

K. , now I'm writing, but I'm actually kind of confused about what to do. I never really had an assignment such as this one. I feel no pressure since its for a completion grade, so I guess I feel some what good right now. I feel excited about school because I finally finished my schedule and its not going to be so bad after all. I guess my hopes are kind of high right now. I was also excited about your class since I nearly did not get in. At first, the class was closed and so I gave up until I peaked on my roommates computer to see that there was an opening in your class, but it closed again right after I added your class. I also feel kind of stressed because I'm looking for a job at the moment to pay all of my bills and my rent this year. On top of all of this I am now taking more hours this semester than I have ever had, so I guess I have my work cut out for me this year. I am also anxious about finishing this assignment now, I feel compelled to look at the clock and check to see if I have now surpass the 20 minute mark or not. Nope, still got quite a bite of time left. So, lets see what else I feel. I also feel somewhat lonely because I had to leave my family and friends at home. Even though I have two roommates, they are kind of kept at a distance. My goal this year is to try to succeed at a job, if hired, get a 4. 0, not party as much, and meet more people. I like meeting people, they are all so different and its funny to see likenesses in some. I found that you can also find people that remind you of others you used to know and you automatically share the same felling of like or dislike for that person because of the reminder. Confusion and hopefulness is what fills most of me at this point. So, I hope that's ok. Part of the confusion I feel is because of this class. I went to the pre-testing section to fill out the form to receive the free hour but the connection was bad or something like that, so now I had to finish assignment one now and do the test afterward if I'm allowed by the computer. Ah, my time is almost up and I'm feeling that sense of accomplishment. Alright now signing off, feeling good, tonytone.

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21

Hello looks like a journal entry. Frustrating blank page as usual, not nearly as much pressure as a true journal might be. No, true journals (at least the ones I know) come complete with the most irrational, egotistical, subjective criticisms at all. Here, I might simply start to list adjectives. Think I will. Chair, run, cake, spoon, sparrow, harly, make, spy, insult, laughter, organization, economy, ----- complete crap!!! Ha! Adjectives are fun. What to make of this phenomenal opportunity? Don't be shy, be compliant. Or just spew forth venom, anecdotes, general life lessons. Inclination says talk about "me". Here's what that is. Or so we'll try. Music, menus, frustration. Solitary, isolated, friendship social butterfly. Making waves the size of anthills, feeling pretty depressed about it. The color of the water is green. Count the levels of meaning there. Anaphor. Hyperbole. Homonyms. Czech Republic. Czeska Republica. The United States of my Ass. Could I say here that I want to ______ the president? Protect Identity. The blank might have been filled with "make love" or "marry" or "help through important issues". Certainly not "castrate. " What else? Looking forward to making A's lots of A's, because after all purpose belongs to those classes in which one might be rewarded for hard work and ass kissing. Discombobulated this page may be, but organization's overrated. I know a quote: one advantage of being disorganized is that one is constantly making new discoveries. " That one's right above Dad's desk at the office. Why do I experience comfort in an environment less than rational? or organized? Possibly the same reason I love psychoactive mindbenders (by this, of course, I refer to puzzles and games like scrabble!) Because true beauty in life exposes itself not in the routine, as religious dogma might promise, but at an Indian buffet at which one can stand before a plethora of unfamiliar treasures, waiting for the unfamiliar perspective of a Western mind for validation. what else? I think this weekend I'm going to stimulate myself with something organic - or possibly inorganic - and clean up the house. Make normal people sense of the place so that when Mom and Dad show up tomorrow they don't swallow their tongues. Music makes everything voluptuous, adds another layer to experiences so that they find their way to memory lane more frequently and effectively. Takeover from an armchair. Natural delicacies. TV numbs, music accentuates, pleasure reading enriches, highest level math and science is God. School puts the kind of pressure on people that creates Ted Bundies. UT is anything but a good school, just like college immidiately following high school is anything but a good idea. Just going doesn't plant seeds of positivity or success. I was the fool, caught in the wave of college matriculation, and still to this day I feel I need four more years. Just like that fucking idiot GW Bush. Right now, and not because I endorse the use of any of the following terms, I'm going to type into this mind drain a slew of derrogatory or defamatory terms that I rarely use but that for some reason are to come out when I open the floodgates. It's because I wanted to call Bush a faggot, or a fucking idiot, or a fucking shithead hyppocrite, but some mechanism that pisses on creativity and ultimate truth caught me in the act and slapped my red hand before any other utterance could follow. Well, here, you fuck, stop this!!!! Oh, I was going to go into some racial slurs, but that's just so stupid. How about cracker-ass whitebread honky guerro americano puto! that would be perfect for me. Still, something about WASPy racial slurs isn't nearly as intimidating as "nigger" or "spic" or daggerhead, or whatever. This world exists as a cesspool of religious dogma, hate, and a need to evolve. It's going to suck till that evolution takes place, but God Damn it, I'll wallow in the shit till I die and I'll like it. Couldn't qualify, for that reason, as the typical "good people" one might imagine a large percentage of those floating around Earth for some god or cause might hope. That's what makes music --- done. Thanks for the toilet!

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I have just finished reading the second chapter of the psychology textbook for class today. My room mate is always playing spades on the internet. I type very loudly. My subwoofer speaker system really looks cool the way I have it set up on my desk. This is a very odd, but interesting, assignment. The combination of the fan and air conditioner noise is driving me crazy. It is like the drone of a prop-plane. My computer is constantly checking for viruses and is always making little "engine" noises while I am typing. My room mate has a very odd way of typing. As I am doing this assignment, I am hearing myself talk the words as I type. I am sure that I have always done this, however, until now I have not noticed it. I believe that I just heard thunder. we could use the rain. I can't believe that we had a pop test in spanish today. I have a knot in my stomach. I know that I did poorly on it. I have a great spanish resource. my 501 verbs book. My monitor also makes a noise that sounds like I would imagine electical energy to sound. I want to go home this weekend. I miss my brother. I am going to bring him to Austin sometime to hang out with me and see the sights of UT. What time is it? I wonder if my package has arrived in the mail room, yet? I wonder what my dad thinks of all of my difficulties with the percussion ensemble here? I would like to retreat to Lake Tahoe and bask in the glory of the crystal clear water and the Sierra Nevadas. That was a very random thought. All of the intricacies of the human brain are very amazing. If my cardiothoracic surgery bid does not work out, maybe neurosurgery could be an option. I have never had a class quite like psychology 301. I like the fact that it is web based. If I happen to miss a class, it is relatively easy to track down what was discussed. And even if the web doesn't have the information, the study sessions should cover the material again. I wish that I would have attended the first study session. I wish that I hadn't signed up for the molecular biology honor society. my plate is full already. That is such a strange idiom. I wonder how it came about. I wonder if idiom is the correct term for that expression. I have a very nice printer. It's fast, silent, and very clean looking. I am definitely a strange guy to be admiring his Deskjet! I had to buy a lot of books for my spanish class. It has turned out to be my hardest class. I do not think that I am going to take any more spanish after this semester. I don't think that I was truly prepared to take spn312k, but I must have guessed well on the Wisconson test. I hope that my friend Cory does well at Rutgers this weekend. I can hardly believe that he was the number one defensive pick in the nation. It seems like just the other day when we were playing together for Cunningham Middle School. Now the guy is 6'5", 245lbs. ! I really enjoy football and I miss the contact, but my I'M experience this fall should be a lot of fun without all of the bruises. I really want to lift weights tonight, but I don't believe that I will have time. I also want to train with Daniel, but I don't know what he has planned for tonight either. It feels like I have been thinking for hours, but It has only been a few minutes. This definitely reinforces the fact that the mind is better than any computer mankind can build. At least until some sort of artificial intelligence comes along. And even then, that won't compare because "artificial" is in the name. I really hope that my timer goes off soon and I can stop writing. I think that it would be really cool if I could guess the exact time the buzzer will sound without looking at the clock. It would be like ESP. That reminds me of a kid who did a debate over the existence of ESP in fifth grade gifted/talented class. It makes me feel good to say that I have been identified G/T. That's very cocky sounding, but I don't believe that I have told anyone of my identification in years. I have a problem with cockyness. I had better watch out or someone or something is going to come along and put me to shame in embarrasing fashion.

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For labor day weekend I went home and visited my family. I had to go buy a printer today because my the one I have isn't working so my family came with me to help choose which one would be the best for me to have. They made me go to about five different stores so that I could buy the cheapest one, but the cheapest one was in the first store that we went into. I hate shopping and the fact that I had to go to five different stores to realize that the best one was in the first store made me so mad. I'm excited about coming to UT, but it's a culture shock with five hundered people in my class when I'm used to having about twenty-five. It's really exciting being here though. I miss my friends though. I get to e-mail them a lot, but it's not the same as getting to talk to them face to face. I really like the girls in my dorm though. They all seem to be really friendly and nice. I like my roomate too. I was worried that I wouldn't and would be one of those people trying to get information on how to deal with your roomate. I hear the television on in the living room at my grandparent's house. I wonder what they are watching? I need to figure out how to football tickets for the next UT home game. That would be a lot of fun to go to. I'm kind of stressed out with all this reading I have to for each class. I'm so used to getting worksheets from high school. It's so weird how high school and college are so different. Everybody says that, but you never believe them until you get there. I'm having hard time of thinking of things to write down. I'm getting tired from this. I think I'm going to watch a movie at the theater tonight. I love watching movies that you've never seen before; you never know what's going to happen. I missed my dogs since I've been away from them and that's only been a week. I'm so used to having animals around that it's weird to go to my dorm room and not hear a bark at some point. I have a minature doxen, a whippet, and a mut. I also have three cats, but I'm closer to my dogs. I need to go to Gregory gym and see what exercise classes I can take there. I also need to see if any one will go with me. I think my grandpa is starting to cook supper. It smells like hot dogs or burgers. I hope he doesn't put a lot of spices on whatever he's cooking. I hate it when he does that. I wonder where my grandma is? She should be back from town by now. Who knows. I need to e-mail my friends again before I forget.

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Hi, my name is Ashlee Vicars and I am a new student at the University of Texas in Austin. I absolutely love it here! It is so much more than I expected. I am living with a friend from back home that is a sophomore here. I didn't know anyone here when I came so I decided to go through the rush process and go greek. I was very disappointd in the greek system. They are so political here in Austin. I felt like I was cheated out of a few good sororities because my parents didn't go greek in college or did not have as much money as other girls going through rush. A lot of the legacy stuff didn't make sense to me. Oh well, I ended up pledging Alpha ChiOmega and I absolutely love it ! The sweetest girls in the owrld are in there and they are so much fun! I have made many friendships that will last for a lifetime already. Right now my roomate and her boyfriend went to eat and I am typing this for my new psych class. I am listening to a song from back home that makes me miss my x boyfriend. We were together for the past year and I was so in love with him, but he was 21 and I was 18 and that 's not a bad age difference, but he just wanted to party all of the time, which is okay, but he drank every night we were together and that really upset me. That also led into him lying to me and doing things behind my back that really hurt so I broke up with him. But I still miss him so much. But moving to Austin is a good thing for me because I am away from everyithing from back home and I can start all over. He wasn't good for me at the time. Hompefully he will grow out of his drinking stage and maybe someday we will wokr everything out, but until then I am not putting up with that and i can do better. I love the new girls in my sorority, they are so sweet! It made me think of that because a new friend of mine Jill, knew Jacob, my x-boyfriend, and they were friends their senior year. Its knda crazy becasue I am from Pottsboro, an hour north of dallas, she is from Plano, and he is from Prosper. I met Jacob at the lake when I was modeling for a swimsuit store. We fell in love and spent the next year together. ANyways, i have been knda upset with my parents lately because they are just really frustrating me. Everytime I talk to them they arelik how are yoyr grades? When it has only been 2 weeks and this is like the first assisnment I have turned in. They are so worried that I am just down here partying and not going to class. I don't know why they think that because coming to UT has been a dream of mine since I was a little girl! I am so happy here! My mom got upset with me last night becasue i told her I was going to the Tulane vs. Texas game in New Orleans and she said no, and I said well I'm old enought to make my own decisions now. Why would she not want me to go on a roadtrip with all my new sorority sisters and have fun? And then I was going to eat dinner at 10:00 at night and she flipped out on me because I had class the next day. She is being unreal. And I havne't talked to my dad in over a week because we just argue about how i should be using my time wisely at college. I don't even want to go home and visit anymore. I have always had a good relationship with both of myparents so I don't know why now it is a problem. I love them to death but I just can't talk to them for a couple of days. My roommate is cool, but she sometimes gets on my nerves. She never cleans up after hersolf and she always has one of her two boyfriend over here (that don't know about one another) and she is sleeping with both of them and then asks me to cover for her. but at the same time she is doing their laundry here and being inconsiderate of me. I don;'t know, i'm just really stressed out right now. MY new friends here ar eawesome though. I guess I keep talking about them because this is the first time in 7 years that I havene't had a serious boyfriend. But I like the single life sometimes, I don't have to answer to anybody or call in and check in with anyone anymore. My friends just fight with their boyriends all of the time. I came from a small town where you were able to be involved in everything. I played basketball, ran track, softball, was a cheerleader all thourhg school, did student council, sisters of service, fellowship of christian athletes, and took a few leadership roles and it was great. But a lot of girls hated me for it. I was alway ssweet to everyone but the girls always taked bad about me because I was friends with their boyfriends or was with the guy they wantred. Now that I am in Ausitn, i don't have to worry about jelaous girls anymore. Which is so awesome. I used to come home from school and cheerleading practice crying because of some of the things the girls would say to me. THey were so hateful and mean. I loved to cheerlead, but half way through my senior year iI quit cheerleadeing because the girls got so bad. It was really messed up. I always argued with our sponsor because she didn't like me and I had no respect for her because she cheated on her husband and slept with the football coach and she was just horrible. And then she tried to date my boyfriend. This was our sponsor, what kind of authority position was she to be in? Anyways, this is just what all is on my mind . I will make my parents happy and come home with awesome grades this semester abd they will be so proud of me! That is my main goal in life right now!

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So, write for twenty minutes that should be easy enough. The concert last night was great I have never seen anyone play like that especially for that length of time. I mean goodness they played for three and a half hours. Victor is great I would have put incredible but I don't know how to spell it. I am kind of glad that I get to go home today. I mean I like Austin and all, but it's good to get home every once and a while. I'm also glad that Brandon got to come down for a couple of days, He was probably pretty glad to get out of Dallas for a while I can't believe this word processor doesn't have the word Dallas programmed in the spell checker. Some people. At least the ones responsible for the computers that is. Oh well. I wonder what everyone else is writing. I imagine that this could turn into some sort of confessional for some people. Weird. Read any good books? I haven't lately only newspapers and those don't count. I am excited about going to Berkeley next year. Not Berkley California, Berkeley Boston. Lots of good musicians there. Of course there are lots of good musicians here too, just of a different kind of breed everything here is about the blues while in the Northeast people look at things a little differently. Commercials on TV suck. I don't understand the ones that come on during prime time and then they say absolutely nothing about what it is they are selling or any relevant information about the products. Create interest nothing. creates confusion. Do theses people honestly think that the majority of Americans even give a shit about commercials much less THEIR product. Besides most of them are about disgusting stuff in the first place. Women's hygiene ads and balding men paraphernalia. Who cares people with those kind of problems would obviously know that they had a problem and most of them are seeking a solution so it seems to me that if you just shut up and spent your ad money making the best product on the market then people would buy it because it was the best. Not because Barbra on TV said that eight out of ten doctors seem to think that somewhere sometime this product might be exactly what you might be looking for. Well my time is done so I guess this is the end

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I don't feel like going to class today, but because I paid a great amount of money for this education I might as well. But wait, it's a discussion class for Calculus, oh well, it's not like I understood anything what Dr. Friedman was saying yesterday in class. Do I really have to walk all the way over there? If I don't go, I can spend some of that time studying for a chemistry test tomorrow, as well as download some more songs off the Internet. The chemistry test is my first test and I don't how Dr. Brodbelt makes her tests. But because it's over the first two chapters, which were basically a review of chemistry in High School, hopefully, it might be easy. I sure hope so! Ahhh. school, it's getting on my nerves. Let this week calm down, it'll be okay next week. I can't wait until the weekend. On my gosh, I have 30 minutes until my next class, what should I do? Sleep, nahh. what if I oversleep, that would be bad. I guess I should start packing my books and looking for my keys to lock the room, which by the way, I really don't understand why the lock on the door opens when you turn the key to the left, and locks when you turn the key to the right. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Oh well, why am I making such a big deal about it, it provides me the security of my place. I should be thankful. Anyhow, I need to get to class.

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ok, right now I feel tired and annoyed. maybe because I just broke up with my boyfriend of 10 months but maybe its because I couldnt get this website to work forever or the fact that I went to bed at two for no reason. putting the tired aside, I'm also pretty exited. my brother is teaching me how to solve a rubiks cube. I love doing things like that, but sometimes I give up too easily. not now though, I can't. not about the rubiks cube, but about the business school that everyone I talk to feels the need to tell me how difficult it is to get in, but I'm not giving up. I'm trying to adjust to austin and its really not that hard, I just don't want to call it my home because its not- I've lived in houston my entire life. that's my home. even though I was raised in houston, ill end up in colorado. I feel like I'm trying to make conversation to a comuter which doesn't really work so ill just tell you about me. I love the color blue-any shade of blue, I love them all. I love cold weather even though I don't know what its like to be in a snow storm or shovel snow to get out of the driveway. I want a big truck when I'm old-not to show off but to be comfortable. I want to work, not be a housewife even though I do want kids maybe two or three. I admire my mom. she struggles and I love her. I was raised mormon even though I am not mormon anymore. I love dave matthews and sarah maclaclan thier perceptions of life are awesome I love songs that hit me right in the heart whether its an uplifting song or not. I love writing even though it takes me forever to write something worth reading. I like kissing. only when its sweet and meaningful for him and me. I love being a friend. helping those that I care about-it just makes me tingle inside. even though I wasnt always like that. I used to have the best scream. I was a selfish kid. I threw fits. I'm better, now I like to share. I didnot smile until I was two. sometimes I worry I have a bad heart because I can randomly have my heart go wild (literaly) I wonder sometimes too if I got my moms manic depression. I'm not a sad person overall but I can be a lot. I always wondered how that worked too. maybe this course will help me understand. I like beer, but not too much. I used to drink to get my mind of things, now I realize that was dumb. now I write to get it off my chest. what do I think about? god. the world. people. why? I don't stand up to my dad even though my front pretends I do. I really just avoid him. his wife is evil, but her kids are the best. how do things like that work out? I have four brothers and a sister. I love them all. they are all so interesting and so individualistic. I have an ex boyfriend named ben that I am obsessed with and so does my roomate, mary. we both wore the same prom dress and bought the same bedding even though we did not shop together. I want her dad to mary my mom hes neat. he writes for the houston chronicle and my mom is an english teacher. even though it wasnt her choice. she had to start working to be financially stable to avoid my dad. that s why I'm determined to make it in the business school and not be a housewife and drive a big truck.

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Right now I have a flood of emotions coming down on me. Maybe I'm just to sensitive. I feel that I close myself up when I'm around my friends. Why I do, I do not know. There are some friends of mine that I can just relax and worry about what they think of me. My other friends, I just do not know. It's not just that, but when I am around a group of certain people, I can not open myself to them. The reason why, is that in the past, when I have opened myself to people, they turn on me or talk bad about me. I am very sensitive to things of that matter. I do not want people to think of me as being snobbish or stuck up when I do not talk to them. I act kind of quiet around boys because in the past, boys have now always been nice to me. Things have changed since junior high and high school, but still I have to watch my back. Who knows what they say or think about me. I need to stop being so selfconscious about myself and be more confident about myself. I think I am a nice person and I am openminded about certain things. I feel that if someone wants to talk to me, then I will be there to listen. Whatever they tell me will be held in confidence and not told to anyone if they ask me not too. I still would not tell anyone what they told me even if they did not say so. The reason why is that I do not think it is anybody's business. Well, I do feel that there are good qualities about me and some bad ones too. We are not perfect. Humans have their little flaws here and there. I will admit to my flaws. There are some that I am embarrassed to admit which means I need to work on them. Speaking about working, I need to work out. I worked out only once this week, and I need to work out more. Over the summer, I worked out almost everyday. Well not exactly, but each day was a potential day to work out. It was either school, work, or other emergencies that came up that prevented me from keeping up with my workout schedule. Even so, I still got my three to six times a week that I wanted to get. My clothes are fitting better now, which proves that working out this summer did contribute to my slimming down. Still, I have some more work to go. It's not just having a great figure, it is about being in good health, which we all need to be. I have noticed that after working out, my asthmas is not as bad, and I have not been as sick as I was in the past. Exercise and a good diet works. It can work miracles, and myself and thousands of people out there are living proofs. I can not afford to get sick right now, especially since school has started. If I was to become sick right now, I would be behind in all of my classes and that would not be fun. That would be bad. Let's hope that I do not go down that road.